#but what makes me angry is think about the people that take things very personally or maybe have heavy depression or things like this and
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Hi hello everyone :D🧡
So a while back i made a post about Cybertronians witnessing humans being feral when in fight or flight response or how humans act when we are on adrenaline in general because i really like this idea. But hear me out- :D
Protective, scared and angry human = very scary human
We all have this natural need and drive inside us to protect. Wether it's the person we love, family or friends. I myself am very protective when it comes to anyone i love. I would throw myself in front of a bear if i had to. Or i would fight anything and anyone if i had to protect the people i love.
Now imagine if the human was the size as an average cybertronian: (slight warning for blood at the end)
The Lost Light got under attack by the infamous DJD and everything goes to shit so quickly no one has time to react as the deadly members tear through the ship and with Tarn having one goal in mind and that was to find Megatron. His optics burning with lust for killing him. Eventually he finds him and they both fight together. The human is watching this from the security office locked in with other members of the Lost Light. They all watch in horror and worry as they both fight. But Tarn doesn't play fair. As Megatron gets knocked by him the other bots notice as the human's breath quickens, their frame is shaking a bit and their teeth are tightly gritted together. Their protective drive has woken up.
Enough is enough..
You know what Megatron did..but no one has the right to take away someone else's life..especially someone like Tarn...Megatron was almost like the father the human claimed to never have..
As the human turns swiftly to unlock the door the other bots try to stop them but the human is determined and full of anger and adrenaline as they push past the bots who are taken aback. The bots are not fast enough as the human is already sprinting towards the scene where everything was happening. So many thoughts and emotions ran through them as they sprinted..anger, fear (you know because it's still fucking Tarn)
But no they aren't backing away now.
As they round a corner they barely make it in time because Tarn was already aiming his canon at Megatron.
The human suddenly jumps in front of Tarn and they srunch their nose and bare their teeth at him, their arms spread over Megatron. Tarn stares in disbelief and then he chuckles. You may be the size of a cybertronian but you're still a fragile dumb human.
"If you want him..you're gonna have to go through me first.."
As the human growled no one wanted and couldn't believe what they were seeing and hearing back at the security room on the cameras. Thats it the human has gotten crazy. NO ONE would do a thing like this. It's like you were asking to be killed. It's the DJD.. Even Megatron's expression almost changed to bewildered and wide eyed.
Of course the human got a good beating from Tarn but there was just something in them. This weird wild look in their eyes as blood dripped down their forehead into their eye and down their chin. Scratched and battered with at least 4 broken ribs they still stood with determination. Tarn was enjoying this but it was getting frustrating and on his nerves. Tarn is deadly and strong but the human was agile and quick. As Tarn was about to finish Megatron once again (because he thought the human was finished) they once again threw themeselves in front of him with this crazy look in their eyes and the next words rang out in everybody's ears.
"Over, my, dead body..."
The human was shaking, growling and huffing slowly loosing their strenght but reinforcements were quickly arriving and the DJD was in disadvantage so they had to fall back but of course Tarn would be back and would take the human with him the next time.
And this is how i think bots view this :3
From the cybertronian perspective:
The bots, often more concerned with survival and the war’s toll on their world i think would most likely react with shock. Tarn is a fanatic Decepticon who enforces ideology without mercy, would represent the last person they’d expect a human to stand against. They might interpret the human's bravery as foolhardy or even reckless, given Tarn’s terrifying reputation, but they may also see it as a powerful symbol that courage and conviction can transcend size and power.
From Tarn's Perspective:
I think Tarn, who worships Megatron’s original vision and detests any deviation from it, would be utterly incensed. The idea of a human—whom he views as nothing more than an insect—intervening to protect Megatron would enrage him. He’d view it as an ultimate insult to Megatron's legacy and to the Decepticon cause, likely intensifying his resolve to destroy them both to "cleanse" this offense.
Aaaa i hope you enjoyed reading as much as i did writing :3🧡 here i also drew a picture of the human so you could imagine the whole scenario better :3
#transformers#transformers headcanons#transformers x reader#digital art#small artist#art#procreate app#yandere transformers#transformers mtmte#mtmte rodimus#michaela o writings#mtmte tarn#djd#humans are scary#humans are space orcs#tf mtmte#idw mtmte#transformers lost light
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Hi Hilary I know you’re only replying to so many politics asks — I can only imagine how many are sitting in your inbox rn — and you’ve already been such a comfort to all us folks who’ve really appreciated your insight time and time again! But I did want to ask about all the posts I’ve seen more recently about signing petitions and reaching out to the White House for a recount. I feel like at this point we’re really reaching — everyone’s talking about how there’s evidence suggesting cheating on Trump’s part, and while I would never be surprised by that, I have yet to see any trusted sources backing those claims. It feels like we’re long past that point, even though the results came in so much faster than I ever expected, but I was wondering if you have an opinion on all that? Take care in the meantime, and thank you for all that you do!
I will make this the last politics ask for the night, and hopefully for at least a few days (no promises, though), but --
This, most unfortunately, is not going to work. For one, Biden/the White House cannot request a recount in state-level races. There are strict rules governing who can and cannot request those, it's usually either triggered by a certain percentage margin or requested by the candidate, and then it also has to be paid for. Kamala has given her concession speech and the Democrats are not going to go down election-denialism rabbit holes. It is hugely unfortunate that the worst people in the world who launched a coup after losing last time are the ones to benefit from it, but... yeah. It just sucks all the way around.
The election interference happened on the day with all the Russian-linked fake bomb threats in blue areas of swing states, the ballot boxes set afire, etc etc. I fear we have only begun to see how bad it will be in this and any future elections, as with many other things, and the reports of people's ballots disappearing or not being received etc are obviously disturbing. But there is, as you say, scant evidence aside from social media chatter backing this up, people are angry and hurt and looking for something to make it not be real (me too, man) and that's easier than thinking that half the country simply shrugged and chose fascism because of grocery prices and trans panic. And it sucks absolute shit, but this is what happened. It happened broadly consistently across the country and was a symbol of the anti-incumbency that's been going on since Covid (New Zealand's liberal government also fell victim to this and elected reactionary conservatives, so this is a thing). We can split hairs about this or that policy decision by the Democrats, and believe me there needs to be a messaging revamp and the firing of basically every Democratic Corporate Consultant TM, but we need to face up to the truth that many, many ordinary American people chose this. They wanted it. And if we are going to do anything about it, we have to reckon with that fact instead of looking for conspiratorial excuses. For one thing, that's what those assholes do constantly, and fuck them.
Likewise, results came in across the country much faster due to the fact that people once more voted largely in person on Election Day, and not early/by mail as they did in 2020. They came in largely matching the expected timelines given by election officials of both parties beforehand. If there is basis to all this missing-ballot stuff, then yes, obviously, it should be investigated (though I have very low confidence that it will be if they are already making preparations to close the federal cases against Trump). But at this point, as you say, this is not something that has logistical legs and is going to undermine a lot more. It sucks. Sometimes I wish we didn't have to be the adults in the room and could just be whiny cheating shitstains like the Republican Fascist Party -- it seems to work out for them that people want Democratic policies and then elect Republicans to punish Democrats for not instantly and perfectly implementing all of them. The exit polls largely matched with what the results turned out to be. It absolutely sucks almighty shit, but it's true.
I am old enough to remember George W. Bush getting reelected in 2004, and it sucked, though not as much as this just because Trump is so crazy and extreme and the GOP has abandoned even the basic pretence of democracy and decency. It's a race to the bottom and through to the center of the earth for them now, especially since they have literally no incentive to reform or do anything but double down on their extremism. Why would they? They just won a major election and got popular legitimacy, something the Republicans have lacked for a long time. This is only the second time they've won the popular AND electoral vote (the first likewise being 2004) in the 21st century. We got the blue trifecta in 2020 because we benefited from the same desire for reversal of course that the Republicans are getting now. In and of itself, this does not indicate fraud. Terrible things about America and the future, yes, but not fraud.
So: Yes. We need to focus on the things we can control and prepare ourselves for what is still to come. It will be hard and it will suck and as I keep saying, it was completely avoidable, but people didn't want to avoid it. They're now going to learn painfully why they should have, but we can't do anything about that either. It is very much going to be a case of picking your battles, drastically limiting your daily news consumption, and a lot of other protective measures, and that is where, at least IMHO, we should focus our effort.
Take care. ❤️
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I don't have an opinion on ALL of the ships. There's just not enough for many of the characters for me to really have a sin in mind for many of his ships, and I'm not touching non-story operators with a ten foot pole. Furthermore, I'm applying these in a directly romantic sense.
Sadly, I think I've become a lot less fun in the last year that I haven't been making headcanons
PriceGhost is wrath - I am so deeply confused as to why Wrath has been watered down to like... extreme anger or anything. Soap NEVER shows a tendency towards wrath, even if he can be very angry. He makes snide remarks, maybe small threats, but to say he's ever committing an action out of his own anger is just... wrong.
If you go by old Price, it's pretty well implied in Ghost's backstory that Price picked him up because of what he did in Coahuila. Speaking of, that entire thing was wrath.
And for new Price, he kills Shepherd in cold blood, even though it's established that it was unnecessary. Just Price delivering on the "John Price guarantee" that if you cross him, you'll regret it.
To say that they'd be anything other than wrathful with each other and others while in a relationship would be honestly insane. I just can't see either as being willing to let small issues go. Maybe they won't confront each other so much, but they will fester, and they will lash out.
One person makes a snide comment at Ghost's expense. Ghost forgot about it, it wasn't even that clever, but Price remembers and now Ghost is going to be forced to remember that someone insulted him once. Price got the asshole discharged and Ghost doesn't care about that, but could he shut the fuck up about it? Ghost doesn't need Price mentioning that "asshole who thought he had something clever to say" every other fucking barracks dinner. It's embarrassing, he doesn't want people to know, but that person dared to cross Price- (he didn't even cross Price, HE CROSSED GHOST) and lived to regret it.
But Ghost is just as angry and he's even more willing to act on it. Price drills into him that Ghost doesn't have to completely eradicate every threat, but he doesn't care and he feels like he shouldn't have to. They piss Ghost off, shouldn't that be enough reason to kill anyone who wants to take a shot at the John Price? Why does he have to keep pointing out that they're threats. Sure, maybe that one didn't actually explicitly say he was going to kill Price, maybe he just joked about it...
They should know better.
Aleghost is pride - I had to debate someone that Ghost shows a lot of pride so I'm starting to wonder if you guys know what Pride means, either. Pride as a sin is about self-devotion, self-justification, or self-glorying in a way that is against God. I'll uh... take it more in the sense of morality.
Ghost's whole character is that he believes he's above the rules. Fuck, he makes them. That's self-justification. His constant on and on about how dark he is and how he's a lone wolf and he's so dangerous and evil and on and on, that's self-glorying. And the way y'all have him petulantly dedicated to his own woes? That's self-devotion.
I don't think I really have to explain Alejandro's pride but I will. Beyond the whole "nothing can kill Alejandro but Alejandro" thing, where is the Mexican government? No, seriously. Where the hell is it? At no point does any Vaquero voice concerns about the Mexican military or Mexican government cracking down on them. Now I know that it's common American propaganda to portray Mexico as this completely lawless, orderless place but it's pretty unrealistic to assume an active government would completely ignore the entire thing with Graves.
But nope, they're never mentioned. They're never even a threat. Alejandro and Rodolfo have no issue just killing narcos and AQ soldiers in their mission together. Granted, I did notice that the majority of times when Rodolfo seemed to be free to open fire tended to be when Alejandro wasn't there which is... interesting, but Alejandro still has his fair share of picking off enemies.
And at no point does Alejandro feel the need to justify a single action of his. Blowing up his own base just to get it back? Nope. He never justifies why he's never put in the effort to take down Valeria before, even though it was clearly fairly easy since she had to FLEE TO AL MAZRAH AFTER ESCAPING PRISON, and then he has NO justification for saying "fuck it" and up and leaving the city he's still actively rebuilding to chase her ass around.
Rodolfo doesn't question him and granted, we don't have much story surrounding this actual moment, it still is really fucking strange.
Soapghost is Sloth - No justification besides just that Ghost would never actually have to put the effort in to be better because Soap seems to just sort understand Ghost as Ghost. I could get into this from even a fandom perspective if I really wanted to, but from the perspective of canon, Soap never really gives Ghost any pushback on his more negative behaviors.
Ghost wouldn't have to go to therapy, he'd simply say he was uncomfortable with the idea and Soap would understand because look what happened to his first therapist.
Ghost would state that he barely communicates because it's scary and Soap would trip over himself to somehow make it less scary that would ultimately end up with less communication, somehow.
GhostGaz is Lust but I think I've rambled enough
Ghost ships but they’re themed as the seven deadly sins (PriceGhost is pride)
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Previous post (mini recap)
"Can we talk?"
"That depends if you'll yell at me and take off again."
"Depending on what you say, I just might."
[PART 1 OF 2]
"... Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't know how to, without... that... happening. It was sheer coincidence that led Ingram’s descendants to keep coming here. I didn't think you'd believe me," Ray responded telepathically.
"I still don't."
"I have nothing to gain by lying to you."
She hates that part of him, how he manages to sound so disingenuous while still telling the truth. There's always something underneath the surface, but he never goes there unless she pokes and prods. She could have ended that explanation right then and there, but she continues.
"But not telling me that the Dewott that I've seen every other night was a Matsumoto this entire time? Keeping that to yourself is okay?"
One of the many problems of an infinite lifespan means that there's no longer agency to anything. There's no immediate need to address any personal matters when they theoretically have all the time left in the world.
He figured that he could have talked to her further down the line, when they both settled down and processed all of their feelings... Or so he thought.
Touchy subject or not, it was starting to sink in that he should've talked about this sooner. Granted, he never would have guessed that the circumstances would have led them to where they were now. Neither of them imagined that today would’ve gone like this.
"Of course not...
... But can you blame me when you reacted like you did?"
"Alright, asshole, I came to apologize but if you’re going to-"
"You scared me."
"Rio, when you were released, when you found me again, you sat on that seat and you said…”
��... Nothing.”
The two of them sit still, time grinding to a halt while Ray’s eyes roamed the space underneath his hands–as if the grain in the wooden countertop was magically providing him instructions on how to organize his words.
Gods, he wished.
"You were so quiet, it was unsettling. You’ve never been one to shy away from talking about how you feel, so I know that something went terribly wrong. A Matsumoto stopping by every now and then seemed so inconsequential at the time. But… the more I thought about telling you, the more I second guessed myself.
So I left it unspoken. I had a feeling you would be angry with me and I was right... But I never thought you'd be furious.
We carried on quietly for the past six months because I wanted you to take the first step. I figured that you’d be ready whenever you felt like you it, but I should have told you about this without having to make you dredge up the past by yourself."
I'm sorry."
"This is supposed to be my apology about yelling at you, you prick." Rio telepathically mutters, not expecting this level of genuine introspection from him. "How am I supposed to follow that?"
She watches as Ray visibly laughs off the tension in his shoulders. She lets out a short huff in response, turning back to the counter.
"I thought I was fine. I thought I was better than this–above it all. We went through something like this before, back when we first started. I thought we’d shrug it off like we did last time, but then I snapped like a toothpick today."
Ray watches as her face scrunches up in a cocktail of negative emotions. She seems like she's physically struggling to get anything out, which is an effort that didn't go unnoticed by Ray.
"I think running a ramen stand as a rockruff is exactly how I am now: absolutely useless. I'm not allowed to be useful. I'm not allowed to do my job as a Shepherd.
And that's a good thing, because now I can't stop thinking about all my mistakes--all the people I failed to protect. There's no use in a guardian angel that loses faith in herself."
She turns, facing the street, thankful that it was relatively empty at this time of hour.
“So... I sat here, on this very stool, watching every day as everybody moved on with their lives without a care in the world. Ordinary people who seem to be doing fine without me.”
Rio shakes her head at the term "ordinary people,” laughing bitterly as she turns back around.
“I know I’m being stupid. A carefree life for everyone is what we work so hard for, yet I feel so… so pissed off at them for being none-the-wiser.
Imagine that: being mad that peace is the new ‘ordinary.’ Angry that these people don't know what it's like to live with the constant threat of death, even though none of them deserve it. It makes me feel like a shitty shepherd.
I thought it'd be easier if I slept through those moments, but every other time I fall asleep, I have a nightmare. When I try to think of anything else, all I can think about is how this all started. I thought about all the things we did to get to this point. I couldn't, and still can't, stop thinking about everything I did wrong back then and now.”
Ray heaves a heavy sigh, partly because he feels relieved that she's opening up to him, but another partly because he knows exactly what she's talking about.
“Yeah.”
She didn’t need him to say anything else. She knows that he knows. She'll tell him the full extent of what she went through and what she's going through, but that's for another day. That isn't the purpose of this specific conversation, after all.
She paws the empty glass around on the table sheepishly for a long moment. Finally, she gathers herself and turns to him.
“I’m sorry I made you cry.”
“I know.”
“Thanks for putting up with me.”
“You’ve been there for me. I wouldn't have it any other way.”
[Next]
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Dean is such a paradox for me because on the one hand, I have been actively triggered by him in the show, there are moments where, intentionally or not, the writers managed to create a portrayal of manipulation and abuse and control issues that it sets off actual alarms for me. And on the other hand, I would not have him any other way. There is something — not comforting, that’s too soft a word — about knowing where Dean’s actions stem from, having seen and learned all that we do about his childhood neglect and parentification and the trauma he goes through repeatedly in the show, and that he doesn’t come out clean. He comes out a goddamn mess who ends up hurting the people around him in reaction to his own pain!
There’s a reality there that’s. Almost nice, actually. Distressing to watch, but it is a fucking mess, it’s a good mess! He’s got zero healthy coping skills and a healthy relationship with say, his brother, is terrifying because it leaves him open to abandonment!
I’m not sure I’m wording this correctly. There is a way to be a good abuse victim. Take the pain, martyr yourself on it, and then, even if you have no support or idea how to, then you have to become a Good Person who never hurts anyone the way you have been learning to your entire life. Simply toss everything that shaped you out the door and emerge a saint with a tragic backstory. And Dean is not that. And that’s so fucking good. Everything that he has gone through continues to effect the way he treats the people around him, and he can’t fight the behaviors he might recognize as harmful because he also sees them as protecting him (or protecting Sam by keeping Sam with him.)
And sometimes, idk. It feels good to see a guy who didn’t heal the “right way.” Who mostly didn’t heal at all, just keeps the wound open because it’s easier that way.
#there’s a whole other bit to this about how like. it’s hard for fandom to hold the idea that someone can be both a victim and abusive#at the same time. that the ways someone has been hurt don’t always shape them into kindness and wide-eyed sympathy. occasionally it just#makes them hard to live with. and I think most obviously is the thing that a lot of what Dean does is an expression of love. of protection.#he’s very much his father’s son in that way. that’s why Sam. the guy he’s been Told to protect his whole life. is also the person he ends up#hurting the most. it’s tragedy. it’s realistic. it’s a good fucking mess.#and that’s why I don’t get interpretations of dean that are determined to shave off the ugly parts of his character. to me those are the#parts that make him a character worth revisiting. he’s so full of love. and he uses it to hurt people. he means to sometimes. a lot of the#time he doesn’t but hurts them anyway. he has been shaped by violence his whole life. and it’s just. I get why someone might take this#part of him away. to make him easier to love. because I get that he’s stressful to watch also like I get that. but he is.#he is compelling. in his anger and his controlling behavior and his strangling love. he is compelling in all the ways he has become this.#Dean’s degradation into these behaviors can be both a failure of a show that ran to long but also the believable trajectory of a man who#can’t heal. and I love him for that. I love him for emerging from pain as a angry sharp thing. I love that it brings the glimpses of him#being gentler and recognizing his actions as bad into stark relief. I love that this recognition often only lasts until he is hurt again and#then he backpedals into the safety of behaviors he knows will allow him to control a situation through force or manipulation.#it’s good fucking mess. you know? dean winchester everybody.#maybe I should have put all that in the main post. oh well. too late now.#spn#dean winchester#tw abuse
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"Pssh, whatever," Leo scoffed playfully when Arjun started giving him a hard time. "My ego would have to get pretty big before I needed help carrying it. I mean, look at me." At this, Leo raised his free arm and flexed before curving it back downward to flex his chest and abs as well, but it was all for show because then he began to laugh. Leo wasn't vain - well, except for maybe his hair - and he actually didn't have that big of an ego at all. He was very aware of his flaws. But with Arjun, Leo was a different person, one who saw all the good things, and he thought that that was probably because he was seeing himself through Arjun's eyes. Still laughing, Leo looked over at Arjun, wanting to see his reaction to the little show he had just put on; making Arjun laugh was one of his favorite things. "Yes, majestic," Leo confirmed. "That doesn't just mean like royalty. To me, it's kind of like...just having a fuck ton of grace, dignity, poise...beauty. You know, that sort of thing." His face felt just the slightest bit hot at his comment; Leo was always saying things like this to Arjun, and he often had this reaction because it just was not like him at all, not with other people at least.
Leo thought it was difficult for Arjun to talk about his mother, so he didn't ask about her; he knew his friend would share with him what he wanted to. So it was always nice when Arjun talked about her. That was something else Leo and Arjun shared: they had both lost their mothers, and nothing had been the same since. This tragedy was one of the things that connected them. "I understand why she said that," Leo told Arjun. "She was proud of you, and I get it. I'm proud of you too." He knew how much Arjun struggled sometimes, how much he had gone through, yet he just kept going. Leo on the other hand, he was a total mess. "My mother wouldn't be proud of me," he said softly, a thought he'd never said aloud before. But Leo was thinking about her a lot today; he thought he probably always would on his birthday.
As the two of them danced, Leo thought about their first meeting, smiling at what Arjun said. "Guys do that to you a lot, don't they?" he asked, shaking his head; those guys didn't know what they were missing out on. "Their loss," he added. Laughing, he told Arjun, "But you know, at the very beginning I thought kind of the same thing. I'd let you talk, take you back to my place, and then that would be that. But then I actually listened to you, and...well, here we are, like you said." Leo wasn't sure what it had been about Arjun exactly that had made him give the guy a chance, but he was glad that he had. He'd gotten a best friend out of it.
Then Leo laughed even more when he heard Arjun's confession - that was so like his friend, very much something he would do. "So you're telling me you broke the law and entered my home without permission?" he asked, but Leo was smiling as he said this; obviously he wasn't mad. More seriously, Leo reassured Arjun, "It's okay, yeah. I wouldn't have told you where I hide my spare key if it wasn't." When he had told Arjun where they key was, Leo had known full well that his friend at some point would use it. "Plus I'm getting a birthday surprise out of it, so how could I be angry about that?"
Listening to Arjun recall birthdays past, Leo realized another thing they had in common. They'd been so isolated from their peers in their youth, though there had been well-intentioned reasons for both of them. However, that didn't take away the sense of loss they felt because of it. "The last time I had a birthday party was my seventh birthday," Leo replied. "Sometimes if I had a friend in one of the new places we'd moved to, my mom might take us to the movies or something, but usually it was just the two of us." She'd done her best to make his birthdays special though, and Leo felt a sudden wave of sorrow. But it was hard to stay sad when he had his best friend here. "I hope you know that your next birthday is going to be fucking epic," Leo told Arjun with a wide grin on his face.
Though they were still dancing, Leo said, "Arjun...I kind of want to go see my birthday surprise now. You should have known it would be all I could think about." Grinning playfully and feeling a little like a child, Leo asked, "Can we go see it? Please?" He gave Arjun his best puppy dog eyes as he asked this.
Arjun laughed at Leo’s comment about “King Leonidas” going to his head, nudging his friend as they swayed to the beat. “You’re right. If your ego grows any bigger, I’ll have to call in backup to help carry it around,” he joked. But the teasing melted into something warmer when Leo called him majestic, the weight of the words settling over him with an unexpected fondness. Thankfully, the Spock ears covered most of his ears and hid how they turned red.
“Majestic, huh? You’re the first person to ever call me that,” he admitted with a grin, his eyes fixed on Leo. “My mother would say Chand - you are my greatest success.” I don't know what I did to be a success -- but there you have it." Leo had a way of grounding him, making him feel like he could take care of the woman he missed. It was like Leo’s acceptance allowed Arjun to breathe easier, like he could let down walls he didn’t even realize he had up.
As they danced, Arjun couldn’t help but notice how natural this felt, Leo’s arms steady around him, a comforting anchor in the noisy, crowded venue. He laughed softly as they moved, glancing up with a playful glint in his eyes. “If ‘your majesty’ is going to your head, then it’s definitely worth it. A little confidence never hurt anyone.”
But as Leo admitted what he’d first thought when they met, Arjun snorted. “I thought maybe you’d be one of those guys who’d listen to my stories for an hour, humor me, and then I’d never see you again,” he said, his smile lingering as he recalled their first encounter. “But here we are.” He knew Leo enjoyed the intimacy of physical touch and connection; he didn't begrudge him that -- he did wonder though why Leo had thought of him the first time they met.
Dancing with Leo felt like the best way to celebrate his friend’s birthday—all right, really it would be the cake that he had left in Leo's fridge and hot chocolate but this was also very good. To have the cake, he'd have to admit it was there in the first place.
As they swayed to the music, Arjun finally admitted, “You know, there’s actually more waiting for you back at your place. Just a few things—I, uh, may have let myself in and decorated a little. Nothing big.” He chuckled, scratching his neck in a bashful gesture. “Hope that’s okay.”
Admitting that much felt easy with Leo, like he’d finally found someone who wouldn’t mind his quirks or small surprises. He wasn’t sure why, but something about celebrating Leo’s birthday had felt like it was something he important he wanted to do.
“This is all new for me. I never celebrated birthdays with friends growing up. My mom was amazing, and she’d fill the house with philosophers, scientists, mathematicians, even the occasional guru… anyone with a brilliant mind, but never kids my own age.” He smiled, a hint of nostalgia in his eyes. “I learned a lot, but I always kind of wondered what it’d be like to have… well, a night like this, with people who actually felt like friends.
He gave Leo’s waist a playful squeeze, the honesty leaving him feeling a little overwhelmed. “So… I might have gone overboard.”
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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
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It always rubs me the wrong way when people characterize atsushi as too much of a sweetheart. Like he IS a sweetheart but he's also snarky and sarcastic and most importantly he's very very angry. Do not forget this.
#I think its a product of like. People thinking that being kind and being angry are mutually exclusive#Which they very much are not#Atsushi is an extremely compassionate character who also happens to be angry!! These things do not cancel each other out#Like. He bites and screams and fights when someone hurts him or someone he cares about#He's been hurt so much and he's furious and bitter about it.#He's still a compassionate character. He's so so good. Being angry at people that hurt you is not bad.#He's not someone who just rolls over and takes whats thrown at him. He establishes this very early on#Idk. I just think taking away that part of him that's bitter and angry about the way he was treated#Is a major disservice to his character#Jesus this turned into a tangeant. I love atsushi a lot.#I'm a very angry person myself. I actually like that about myself!! I relate to atsushi a lot just as#Someone whos affected by mental illness in ways that often end up making me someone thats hard to be around#Atsushi is a tiger. He bites. This is important.#Sorry sorry. The atsushi brainrot is strong this morning#ruby speaks#Bsd#Bsd atsushi#Atsushiposting
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can I politely and respectfully disagree? I’m not really excited to have a long winding argument, but I want to add my own points here (important note- I’m not American but I am very aggrieved about the election and scared for the future. We’re on the same side here)
His original post. Personally, I don’t really read it as insensitive. The whole message screams shock and nervous laughter as a coping mechanism. He sounds actually upset about the election, but he’s trying to keep it lighthearted and surface level because - and this is something that took me a second to come to terms with - he has no obligation to make a political post. He’s a pg minecraft content creator. Hell, even the post he made is something that other hermits haven’t done. Because they aren’t political creators. And honestly, the “lol” kinda feels like it wanted to be a “wtf”, but that may just be my interpretation.
His next series is tweets was him taking a second to be political, and in them he aired his grievances with the election, which was genuinely him being upset with how easily the world can be swayed by an evil person, and reminding people to stay educated. I see no issue with that. Some important context is that he’s German, so his way of speaking is likely more blunt and rude-sounding when he’s neutral. That’s a language barrier and cultural differences thing, and it’s quite important to remember as you read through the conversation. Then in his top comment, he shuts down the political conversation, making it clear that he doesn’t want a political discussion and he just wants to do minecraft things, because he’s a minecraft YouTubers (WHICH HE IS WELL WITHIN HIS RIGHT TO DO). He says this in a lighthearted slapping-the-knees-and-standing-up way, because he wants to return the tone of the conversation back to his normal content about being fluffy or whatever he does on Twitter. It’s a cleansing, resetting statement, in a way. I also don’t find this insensitive. Yes, the election is very upsetting and dangerous, but he doesn’t want those emotions and heavy conversations on his Minecraft content channel, which is valid. It’s his content. He doesn’t need to talk about the scary things. In fact, for many people, this kind of content is good to get away from the scary stuff.
For his last tweet, to be totally honest, I’d also be shocked and confused if I sent what I believed to be a totally harmless tweet and a lot of people (who are already emotionally charged because of the election) said I was an awful, insensitive human and wished bad things on my child (real tweet). Again, remember the language and cultural barrier. Maybe he could have spent ages crafting the perfect apology, but he doesn’t think he needs to apologise for a harmless word, and frankly I don’t either (also lol can mean slightly different things in different countries, I use it to convey shock all the time, or in place of things like “what”).
I’m going to be honest, I might sound like a bitch for saying this, but I think a lot of people entered the conversation with doc already angry and upset about the election, and they almost wanted an argument with something tangible. Hate breeds hate or whatever the Star Wars guy said. And you’re valid for being upset, but if you look at his messages pragmatically, they’re not all that bad. Love you all, and I’m sending the atheist equivalent of prayers to everyone in America right now
Why the Doc hate? I don't watch him I'm just curious
I’ve been on twt ranting about this for like three hours and I’m tired but here’s the rundown
Doc made this tasteless post earlier today in regards to the U.S. election results
And then be followed it up with this series of tweets. Which I generally find distasteful. (Read bottom to top)
He said that he “Can’t be bothered by politics” when this is about more than that. This is about the literal rights and health of women, children, and all minorities being removed because of conservative America.
Than he basically did what he always does and cried to his community saying people are screaming at him because he wrote “lol” in the first image. When clearly that’s not the big issue people are having.
I haven’t seen anything past this tweet tbh so I don’t know if he’s said anything else and I’ve had lots of thoughts about this so sorry if it doesn’t make a lot of sense.
And, honestly, I may be taking this out of hand but I’m so tired of him trying to put his foot into conversations that don’t need his input. He did it with Palestine and blocked so many people over it and I won’t be surprised if he does it over this too. His privilege is showing and it’s disgusting :/
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anyone else finding it really, really personally nauseating that the pjo show would remove gabes entire character and replace him with someone less abusive to make sally a Strong Female Character. like wow, im sure glad that youve proven that women who are abused are the REAL threat to feminism, and they should just try talking back more!! what a good message to send to abused kids. sorry, kid. i guess you just didnt argue hard enough and #Own your abuser into seeing how cool and strong you are. what do you mean that arguing with an abuser will only make them hurt you more? but look how snappy and cool and feminist sally is now!!! youre clearly just being abused wrong.
#pjo#gabe ugliano#any other kids who related to percy feeling a bit uhhhhhhhh like shit rn#saw a post saying how sally being 'less simpering and helpless' is a good thing#like fuck you. jesus fucking christ.#can you think about what youre saying for 2 fucking seconds.#lemme just go tell my mom that she needs to stand up for herself more brb#oh wait i tried that as a kid and guess what it got us. more abuse!#changing sallys story for the purpose of making her a 'stronger' character is disgusting in ways that i cant put into words#women dont have to be abused Well to be worthy of sympathy#and getting angry didnt fucking help me get out of being abused#this was the only story where my sister and i felt seen and were DEFINITELY not the only people who related to it#taking that away from kids who went through our situation is awful#and the fact that anyone would consider it necessary to... idk. fix how the book portrayed abuse? it hurts more than i thought it wo#fluffle talks#negative#personal#sorry im not tagging this post very well#i dont really have the energy to find the right tags rn
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yesterday, i learned that one of my acquaintances from church is like, gleefully and unreservedly supportive of the gazan genocide despite going to a church where every sermon for the past few weeks has been about the horrors and tragedy of said genocide. like, i could not fucking believe how hilarious he seemed to think it is that innocent palestinians are dying, just grinning and laughing and shaking his head and rolling his eyes when my pastor and i expressed horror at the innocent people being killed. just remembering it makes me choke up with anger.
anyway, i'm going to be very stupid and try to talk to him about it this coming sunday. i'll use all my teacherly tricks to try and gently lead him to feel one single scrap of empathy for the victims of israel's civilian massacre, but lbr: he'll probably respond with the same amount of glee and condescension as last night and it's going to end with me making me a scene at church.
but i know i shouldn't. so here are some things i should NOT say, no matter how angry he makes me:
i've always hated the sound of your voice, even before you said such horrible things. you say everything with such condescension. when you read the gospels in church, i have to hide my face behind my program to hide my grimacing. you make the words of christ himself sound like a grift of some oily used car dealer who thinks he's smarter than he actually is. i pity you for going through life with such a voice, and pity you even more for thinking it charming.
it baffles me that you'd allow something as basically human as compassion for the suffering of others to be so utterly sanded away by propaganda. it's pathetic that you could laugh at innocents dying. you've let yourself be lobotomized by a clumsy surgeon and style yourself wise with the icepick still sticking from your skull.
i've always thought your face looks like an easter island head sculpted from a raw chicken breast.
see? none of those would be productive, no matter how truly they express my feelings about this person.
thus: people of faith, pray that god grants me the wisdom and restraint to not light this motherfucker up in the middle of coffee hour. amen.
#vent post#personal post#this happened last night and i thought i'd feel less angry in the morning but NOPE#still incandescent about it#sometimes i think i'm a very self-righteous and unforgiving person#bc i can't seem to do the thing other people do where they can just chalk things like this up to a difference in opinion and remain friends#when someone is cruel‚ it feels like it completely deranges me#suddenly they're a monster in my eyes#buuuut none of the philosophies i subscribe to endorse this kind of black-and-white thinking. quite the opposite actually.#so. i've gotta work on seeing people as works-in-progress rather than writing them off as incorrigible monsters#but.... lemme just vent first 🤬#love my pastor though. i was raised jewish‚ and he was adopted by a jewish family when he was 13 and almost became jewish himself#so i feel like we have similar spiritual backgrounds and see eye-to-eye on a lot of things#after my argument with the above asshole‚ my pastor and i spoke at length about what was happening in gaza and how horrible it all is#as well as topics like zionism‚ antisemitism‚ and the torah#he's such a good guy. i'm sad he's retiring :(#i feel like we need him now more than ever to keep speaking out about the genocide#and to make sure views like the one mentioned above don't take hold in our church#cw: genocide#cw: racism
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Really feeling that experience of being an autistic person in an environment that's terrible for me where I'm basically trying to figure out really hard how to not be an emotionally unstable wreck all the time who throws "childish tantrums" over "dumb shit" because I hate feeling like my family always expects me to just snap whenever anything happens and whether or not I do just depends on how much Repression Juice I've got left in the tank or how Unshitty the circumstances have been for the last week or even few days
#I am literally doing the best that I can for myself but there's a lot of stuff that I communicate actively to other people in this household#that never gets better or that just gets scoffed at and my environment is horrific because we're very poor and everyone in this house is#disabled and my workplace environment fucking sucks and I spent 15 years of my life basically being completely unaware of just how high my#supports needs actually are and so I'm also trying to mentally juggle and figure that shit out so I can at least make an attempt to take#care of myself the way I need to but when so many things are basically looking at you trying to cope and laughing in your face and then#punting you down from the mountain you're climbing with a bat and basically saying 'how cute and stupid of you to think you could possibly#make progress or take care of yourself? don't you understand your circumstances dipshit?'#IT'S KIND OF PAINFULLY DIFFICULT HAHA.#I basically deal with this by holing myself up all the time just trying to keep my bullshit away from people#I'm very sick of it#Like even when I try to have a conversation when I'm getting really upset or angry about something#one person in this house is impossible to talk to at all because she's argumentative as hell about literally everything and anything#including stuff you didn't even say. Like I have no idea what she's even saying to me half the time and she almost never listens#the other one is my aunt who is so emotionally repressed she can't even have a conversation with a whiff of vulnerability in it#and then my mother just shuts down and ignores me ! Which Makes It Worse!
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people are being excessively mean to others for clout on places like tiktok and twitter in instances where there is literally no reason to respond in a mean way and I don't think I will ever get it like is it that they need likes for validation because they feel extremely lonely in real life because real life connections with people are rare and the pandemic made things worse and so ganging up on people online with others makes them feel like they are part of something even if that something is negative and is possibly bringing another person to experience extremely negative feelings about themselves or are all these people just a bunch of coward assholes
#probably both#Idk I'm getting tired of this culture of always trying to make fun of people on a personal level#like I not everybody can take it and I get literally angry in their behalf because you never know how they could feel#and most of the times there is no need#maybe someone makes a dumb question because of ignorance and the comments are FILLED with people catching the opportunity to just#make fun of them in EVERY way on a personal level#like... why?#even if you are a person like me that can take the dumb comments usually or that even if they get upset after a bit of time they don't care#anymore that doesn't mean that it's ok to do it because even when you do have thick skin or whatever that still is annoying and it will#make you stop commenting on stuff after a while#because you have to read so many fucking dumb comments trying to make fun of you#who the fuck actually would want that lol#like it's just annoying#but what makes me angry is think about the people that take things very personally or maybe have heavy depression or things like this and#it can hurt them very much and you literally never know#just stop#and then I start commenting that it's unnecessary and they are only doing it for clout and they respond saying that it's working because#they got likes#like ok????#you're proud of that? lmao what a fucking shitty person#I just despise people like this#I get to the point of being lowkey ready to fight irl when ppl are mean RANDOMLY to others it bothers me#there are moments in which responding in a mean way is encouraged but I'm talking about all the times in which it is not needed
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God I hate Pinterest and I really need to stop reading the comments on literally any post on there
I just saw someone straight up say they’re afraid that show fans who haven’t read the books are going to take over and dominate the fandom and they’re afraid that their memories of the books are going to get overridden by memories of the show because of new show fans, and that’s a good reason to gatekeep.
Like okay, just say you’re a party pooper and go home.
Yeah this is about Percy Jackson but I’m not gonna tag it as that cause I don’t wanna get hunted for sport
#i say this as someone who read the books repeatedly as a kid#like was full on autistic hyperfixated on these books and would read one book in 2 days#and when i finished blood of olympus i would start back over and read from the lightning thief#i’m not exaggerating when i say i think i read each book at least 12 times#these books were so very important to me and i would not be the person i am today without them#and i have zero sympathy for people who want to gatekeep the story from people who didn’t read the books#like sorry i have real problems#and what exactly do you think you’re accomplishing beyond making someone’s day a little worse?#acting like there’s some pure pristine way to experience the story? give me a break#you can love one version of this story and let other people love another version#it took me a while to see that because i was a teenager who liked being angry but that includes the movies too#do i like the movies? not really#but there are people who do and in the end i don’t gain anything by shaming them#god there are some people who treat popular book series like the fucking bible#like it’s some moral crusade they have to go on to defend them from heretics who like the wrong version of the story#grow up and let people enjoy things#*this rant is not aimed at the children saying shit like this#*y’all will grow up and hopefully be more mature about what hills are worth dying on#*this is for the grown ass adults who act like it’s their sacred duty to shit on any changes made from the books#*and if it offends you then you probably need to take a step back and look at why you feel so threatened by other people enjoying things
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perhaps also related to the fact that i am scheduled to close this weekend with the person who was apparently laughing about how a year ago there was a supervisor chat without me Specifically for the purpose of shit talking me
and im supposed to treat her graciously after that? get Fucking real.
#speculation nation#negative/#like. i will. i'll treat her politely as is expected of me working with someone i dont like#even though that wasn't a courtesy extended to me by the people last year. including her apparently!#i dont know why she's come back. i want to gut her like a fish.#i dont think i mentioned that but i learned a few weeks ago that she was laughing about this to a few employees#who called her out for it. which makes me feel very grateful to them.#how fucking immature though. resorting to bullying and ostracizing in a workplace environment.#this was the bullshit that had me fucking Sobbing bc of it all. and you're Laughing about it?#you saw the day that girl screamed at me & how i cried for a half hour straight in storage#until i finally pulled myself together enough to work (though i was still next to tears for Hours)#me. a person who cries Maybe 4 times a year. if even. it had me struggling that hard to not cry.#and this is Funny to you? it's Funny that i was treated like that? just because you all didnt like me bc i was Too Confrontational?#a: im as confrontational as i need to be to avoid problems festering. as a grown fucking adult should be.#and b: even if you didnt like me that's still fucked UP#what the fuck is WRONG with you people??????? why do you take so much glee from my pain?#and again. in a fucking place of work. i know it's food service but Please. have some basic fucking professionalism.#i dont know how im supposed to get through this shift. im so fucking angry at it all.#the anger and frustration has been cycling faster and faster in my heart and i want to Hurt Things but there's nothing im allowed to hurt#so what am i to do? how do i get rid of this feeling? i know what ive done in the past but im not allowed to do that now#with nothing to do im just blasting this fucking song. maybe if i play it loud enough it'll fix me.
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stream of consciousness type deal.
#people's experiences of you will be so drastically different from what you're like when relaxing/unmasking at home and they'll be shocked#when you live together and you thought you let them see what you were like normally except most of the time theyve seen you at home its an#Occassion™ so ofc im gonna be alert and jumping around and talkative bc theres a lot happening and im really happy theyre there#and i can be still. but once they see me day after day exhausted and overstimulated its different bc i am different#i dont feel like i am but i am#and if they dont believe when you explain whats happening then shit hits the fan#for a while i did not understand why they were getting so mad at me at dinner#the other people there understand how i can be foggy or overstimulated and just need to eat and im happy to be there i just need to not look#at anyone or say much and im dizzy from working all day. i need to mash for a bit all ill be good. theyve been generous to take me as honest#when i tell them what im doing.#but a person who is not used to seeing me that way will start thinking im rolling my eyes at whats being said when im actually staring into#space or trying to refocus or trying to get my body to stay in itself instead of drifting off and they think im quietly judging and ik like#im so sorry but fr im not even listening to the group conversation and im not thinking anything negative about you im just gathering my body#i SWEAR. also its agreed that i take part in a group meal instead of isolating with my food bc i need to eat right now too#now that ive stopped working and im going to go back to working after this meal so. this is what i have to do. it is understood and you're#somewhat new to being here on a daily basis but I'm serious i just have to do this and im not being shady im just Something™#(aka exhausted/overstimulated/neurodivergent.) but when i get up with the gathered dishes without making eye contact im automatically angry#and im judgemental and manipulative and trying to control everyone's mood by making my problems everyone's problems with my sighing and eye#rolling. im like. again im not rolling my eyes im trying to focus my eyes. and im not sighing at whats being said im letting out the breath#i realized ive been holding bc im holding myself back from an anxiety rollercoaster drop bc im very overstimulated rn and i was asked to be#here to share meals and deal with it in front of everyone and you arent understanding that id be doing the same thing in private#nothing's WRONG im just OVERSTIMULATED RN and im pulling my body back and im not thinking anything about ANYONE in this room but im starting#to NOW bc you keep assigning meaning where ive told you repeatedly theres none and i get why you're interpreting it this way but i promise#thats not what im doing and your reasons for why im doing it are not accurate.
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