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silent-sanctum · 1 month ago

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"Jotaro Kujo is Weak at His Core"

As a writer and avid character psycho-analyzer, I find this concept fascinating because I wholeheartedly agree with what OP has quoted from a "What opinion would get the community to do this? *Insert Johnny getting torn apart*" post.

Before I begin, I know some people will see this, misread it, and immediately say "lmao did we watch the same show? He's strong, badass, and can kick anyone's ass. Like do you know Star Platinum bro?". Trust me, I've seen the replies to this post and they said this same exact thing.

And I'm here to say that to said people, if you truly are not the illiterates I'd like to term you as, you'd take the time to realize that when we say "he's weak", we're not referring to his physical prowess because we know he's one of the strongest characters in the show.

If you don't like to, then you're just proving the accuracy of the last sentence: "You can't stand seeing your edgy badass image of Jotaro as vulnerable."

Pushing that aside, I'd like to expand on OP's opinion/headcanon with some depth to it and explain how exactly he's "weak" outside of being a skilled and strategic fighter.

I've learned that to be holistically healthy, one needs to develop and maintain all optimal functions of oneself: Physical, Emotional, Social, and Mental.

Obviously, Jotaro excels in the physical category. He's conventionally attractive, taller than the average male population, well-defined with a muscled build, fit as hell, street and book smart, and highly in tune with his environment making him adaptable in any circumstance.

He's "strong" in that aspect we all know at a superficial level.

However, we start to see the core problem once we strip this good-hearted man of his physical appeal:

Emotional? He believes he doesn't need to express them to others because why should he. He refuses to process them and instead keeps them behind a locked wall of stoicism and aloofness.

Social? Can't communicate to save his life. He's reclusive and doesn't know how to socialize outside of work. Guarded and skeptical around others. Too much of a workaholic to bother making new acquaintances (if he even knows how) outside of familial connections.

Mental? At 17, he went on a death crusade over Asia and the Middle East, almost died numerous times, and most likely lived with unresolved PTSD that carried over into adulthood, and further deteriorated his already poor social and emotional skills.

What do we have then? If we look past that powerful exterior of a man, we have inappropriate emotional expression, poor socialization, and constant fatigue of dealing with bullshit that relates to his trauma.

And this is what we mean by his "core": His mindset. His inner machinations. The soft spot his enemies would need to target in order to defeat or kill him, strategy-wise.

I. Emotional

We pretty much already know how this man handles emotions. And this may come off as "irrelevant" to the dudebros and the meme riders who believe "haha feelings are for pussies, I advocate for edgy autistic Florida man who don't give a fuck, elopes with dolphins, and berates women".

But believe it or not, he has them, just like any other human being on the planet. I said it once and I'll say it again: Not everyone will wear their heart on their sleeves. Some will convey emotions publicly with no issue, while others would prefer to keep to themselves.

But how does this contribute to him being "weak" at his core?

Essentially, it's similar to how someone with depression may behave (not everyone, some of them). One may appear friendly, sunny, and bubbly to everyone around them, not knowing they're actually suffering from a void that eats them up from the inside when alone.

For his case, it may look like he doesn't care about what happens to him and everyone around him, considering his nonchalant and aloof behavior, but beneath that cold exterior, he cares way too much for his family, friends, and allies. He feels too much to the point where once his allies are endangered, he would sacrifice his well-being without a second thought.

And that's an issue to him.

To him, emotions make him vulnerable and in his circumstance where enemies are actively hunting him down trying to find his weak spots, his emotions should be kept behind doors because he doesn't know how to regulate it on the outside so it's either total stoicism or lashing out.

I found someone saying this line about him that fits him so well: "He's a good person who doesn't know how to be a good person."

This is a man who means well and truly wants to help out of the goodness of his heart, but because of his inability to convey his emotions properly and is unable to pick up emotional cues, it can lead to shit tons of misunderstandings due to inappropriate tone & expression, and that can change how someone views him in the long run, thus leading to unintended deterioration of personal relationships (which contribute to the social aspect of his weakness).

I found a visual representation of what I just said above. Just to give context: The show is about a married couple who struggles to keep their relationship afloat, having to navigate through family politics, work & life balance, and miscommunications so they could find why they loved each other in the first place.

The emotionally-reserved character here with the poor communication skills is the girl. She's a CEO who just received a call, came out from work, and meets with her husband, asking him to accompany her to a doctor's appointment.

Observe how she thinks she views herself VS how others actually view her as.

Other's POV: Demanding, brash, and insensitive Her POV: Anxious, hesitant, and confused

Now remember what Araki had written about Jotaro? "He doesn't believe he must reveal his emotions to others because he thinks everyone can figure him out, leading him to be a victim of misunderstandings. Others think him to be cold-hearted, rebellious, and insensitive."

II. Social

With emotions as our base foundation to poor communication skills, this leads us to his weak socialization aspect.

In a recent quote reblog about how he was raised as a child may have contributed to his tough persona, I mentioned something about his need of "Security".

Growing up, it was mostly just him and his sweet pacifist mother Holly. Joseph couldn't have visited often (he hates Japan) and his dad is a busy musician with a packed schedule on tour. As a kid up to early adolescence, he was coddled by his mother and raised as a good student. Everything was going great for him.

[In popular headcanon] Once he passed puberty, the change to his Part 3 MC era began. People began picking fights with him and bullying him, and he began to see the world as a threat to his safety. Knowing his mother, he wouldn't rely on her to defend him against these dangers. She was too kind, too friendly, too loving for her to deal with the harsh life he now has to deal with.

So he had to be the stronger one for both of them. He already had the physical attributes for it, so why not use it to his advantage?

He got on the popular delinquent trend back in 80's Japan, integrated a couple of cool masculine-esque personalities as his own from his favorite Western and Crime media, and is then able to project this menacing aura everyone should be afraid of, to ward potential threats away from him and his mother.

But Mijin, how does this make him weak? What does this have to do with his need for security?

Think about it: The poor guy's already introverted, doesn't feel comfortable with his emotions that he can't express properly, and now he has to be skeptical with people around him because he realized how shitty society can be, which leads to intimidation that wards off not only potential foes but potential friends as well, making it look like he's anti-social.

On the outside, people are likely to think that he likes being this way when in reality, he seeks a reliable support system on which he can lean onto. Everyone with a sound mind wants that subconsciously because we are social creatures. It's part of our nature.

He's constantly fearful of his surroundings, growing even more vigilant as he ages, but he doesn't look afraid because he chooses to put on a brave face to challenge said fears instead of acknowledging he's scared. I read somewhere in an ask that's not mine that in the manga, some panels actually depict Jotaro shaking/trembling in a mix of fear and adrenaline during some of his fights.

He wants to be around people who he can trust. People who he can lower his defenses with. People who are capable of protecting him just as he is capable of protecting them. People who can face his intimidating aura and challenge it to stand on equal grounds with him or to remind him of his place when he goes too far with certain things. Hence, why he seems comfortable being with the Crusaders.

For once, he wants to feel safe.

To not feel like he has to be this strong pillar of hope that everyone depends on.

To be someone being protected, instead of the other way around where he was always the strong protector. He wants a life of normalcy where he can just be a marine biologist and a professor with a loving family he can come home to.

But that can't happen. The inner circle of friends he counted on is either dead or far away, leaving him even more fearful of the world around him. This results in even more guarded skepticism, always watchful of who's an enemy Stand user and what their Stand could do. Because of his cautious nature, this leads to minimized socialization with others.

With little to no solid support system he can count on, he has no one he feels completely secure with because he believes danger will always come to hurt and/or kill those near him. He doesn't want to burden others with the issues & responsibilities of dealing with Stand users. He wants them to live the normal life he could no longer have.

He doesn't trust in the capabilities of his loved ones when it comes to defending themselves against the amount of potential threats and dangers he has faced, and yet he cares about them dearly. So, he commits to what seems to be the most practical solution in his mind: Self-Isolation.

To be a distant beacon where danger is attracted to and away from those dear to him.

(As we see in the beginning of Part 3 where he willingly locks himself in jail as soon as he sees himself as the threat, and in Part 6 where he stays away from his family once he realizes his enemies were targeting him).

"Your family is your weakness."

All this leads him to become what Araki always envisioned him to be: A lone hero.

III. Mental

Now onto the last part, this part of the essay will focus more on the popular headcanon the community has made about him: "Jotaro has PTSD."

Considering what he's been through at only 17, it would be no surprise that he'd acquired major trauma after those 50 days. Think about it- he gets injured more times than he can count, almost dies numerous times, sees his grandfather get "killed" in front of him, and all this combined with the constant reminder that his mother's life is also on a time limit. A failure to kill DIO meant a failure to save Holly.

The amount of pressure and risk he had to endure for her (and there will still be people who adamantly believe that he hated Holly because he said "bitch" to her twice in the first two episodes).

Now, remember when I said about him having this mentality of over-independence when dealing with stressors? It was still manageable during Stardust Crusaders, but because of what had transpired in Cairo, that mindset carries on to the rest of his adulthood, more so if we consider that he most likely didn't get any therapy or treatment for his trauma.

It might be normal for a teenager to hold onto this stubborn notion of "I can do this by myself" and be casual about it, but with trauma now involved, that notion warps into a persisting belief of "by doing this myself, no one else will get hurt" (i.e. refusing help, doing solo fieldwork, self-isolation).

But Mijin, you keep saying "mentality" this, "mindset" that. What are you talking about?

There's an old Tumblr post I found that talks specifically about this in great detail, but to put it shortly: Jotaro has always wanted to do things by himself because he believes that not only will the task be done with, there would be no one else involved with it, making it better for him to cope mentally if ever shit hits the fan (tying back to poor emotional expression and insecurity in bonds).

If any injuries were to be inflicted, he would be the one to receive them, and he alone, because who knows how he'll react and/or cope when his allies are harmed instead of him over and over again? (refer to the trauma of Jotaro surviving Cairo while the majority of the team that went with him died a.k.a "survivor's guilt")

(Also, refer to how he had exhibited great distress when Jolyne was about to be struck by a rain of knives that Pucci sent)

This might also be the reason why he's more self-sacrificial as an adult: Will be the bait during the rat episode instead of Josuke, takes the brunt of Sheer Heart Attack's explosion to spare Koichi, dives straight onto a path of bullets to save Jolyne, etc.

The only possible solution so he could snap out of that belief he holds on to is that strong, reliable support system he internally needs. People who can help him without sustaining fatal injuries in the process [social]. People who he can approach to release any pent-up frustrations and inner conflicts [emotional].

If he had found those people, then he might have been able to deal and/or cope with his trauma better instead of letting it linger and change his outlook in life [mental].

But we all know how his life went in canon. One moment he's a kid playing ball with his mother, then in his last, he dies by having his head bisected by a time-altering Stand.

Jotaro is a person with a gold heart and a rough exterior. Someone who wants to help and protect his loved ones from the unpredictability of the world the best that he can. But even then, his best wasn't enough. His fear was masked with an air of strength and capability, perhaps as compensation for everything else he lacked:

Adequate processing of emotions.

Stable connection with familial, platonic, and romantic bonds.

A sound mindset that stems from effective coping for his PTSD.

We could only hope in headcanon land that he had a better chance at life in the Ireneverse where he finally could develop his inner core better and get that long-deserved break he had always wanted.

#can't you already tell I love this man?#not in a romantic yumeship sense but in a “let me study you under the microscope” sense #mischaracterize my pookie and you'll hear me thundering through the streets #jojos bizarre adventure #jjba #jotaro kujo #mijin thoughts

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0w0tsuki · 1 year ago

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Both "Transandrophobia" and "Transmisandry" come before "Transmisoginy" when you search for it, with"Transandrophobia" being one of the top results when you type in "trans" into the search bar. The average post from the top Transandrophobia blogs where they Critique and Analyze cropped screen caps of transfem's posts behind their back will get thousands of notes of praise for RATIONAL and REASONABLE they are for speculating that a throwaway line about "trans girls taking the piss" is actually a joke in direct reference to an anon led sexual harassment campaign of a trans man.

And due to the new tagging policy all that's needed is to mention the word for it to come up in the tags. Which has resulted in half of the #transmisoginy tag being mired with trans androbros crying about how their not transmisoginists, or that they're affected by transmisoginy, or that TME/TMA distinctions are just interagating them about their genitals. Which is by the way AFTER I've used the notes of the posts by the aforementioned top transandro blogs as a blocklist to block these chuds by the thousands. I STILL have to to sift through trans andro post after transandro posts to find a post discussing transmisoginy IN THE GOD DAMN TRANSMISOGINY TAG!

It's been nearly half a year since @/humans announced that they were "working vewwy had :(" to unban the #tgirl tag when they've proved that they can unban tags within a week. Meanwhile the #tboy tag was never flagged to begin with. Hell. Trans women can't even post a selfie in the #transisbeautiful tag without risking attracting the attention of sissy porn chaser blogs.

And EVERYTIME we point out transmisoginy whether it's the "megapope was right" discourse, calls to "critique" gender affirming care for transfems under the pretense that it affirms the patriarchy, obvious "best of both worlds " trap jokes, or a crossdressing cis femboy streamer being treated Height of Gender™ who "no one else does it like". EVERY TIME we point this shit out we are met with condescending TMEs treating it as the Transfem Crusade of the week. Who belittle, talk down to us, and position themselves as the educator to us aabout our own oppression. Who tell us that we are taking things out of context, that were overreacting, that we don't have any reading comprehension, that we don't understand basic theory, and that we're just looking for anything to be angry about.

But no keep crying about how trans men are ignored and talked over meanwhile transwomen are overprioritized and "dominate" the trans conversation. Because surely we haven't been told enough about how we take up too much space.

#transmisoginy #rant #vent #vent post #rant post #transmisandry babies #trans andro chuds

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abstractpenny · 6 months ago

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Okay, real fast (maybe). So. Cole. He's super gay, I think we can all agree. But why? Why did they make Cole gay?

We always talk about the 'proof' that he's gay, like his true potential episode back in season 1 (about 12 years ago), his lack of true interest in women romantically, and his super homo ass relationship with Geo, but we never talk about the reason he is written as queer.

One argument I see repeated on the 'save my boy cole' side of the internet is the idea that the writers should have written a whole new character to be gay.

And guess what.

They did.

Who? Geo. He's the newly written gay character. He's the new representation.

The problem, though, with making only one new character (or even making a couple or a few) is that we don't have a connection with said character(s). They're reduced to 'the gay character'.

This harms the queer community more than helping sometimes because it reduces queer people to a single type of person. It makes queerness their entire identity when it's only part of it.

So, what's the solution? Write this new queer character into a romance with an old character that could totally be queer.

Cole has kind of always had queer undertones. That's seen most prominently in his season 1 true potential episode. (I won't get too into it here, if you need more information, you can find the episode free on multiple platforms or you can watch/read someone else analyze it.) He's always been able to be queer.

I don't know if Cole was initially written with the intention of being gay or queer. I don't know if he's always been written through that lense or how long he's been written with that idea in mind. But it's there and it's always had potential. It makes sense for his character and doesn't really introduce many plot holes, if any at all.

Him being written with Geo romantically and gay makes their relationship more human and appealing to a lot of people, including queer people.

We're familiar with a whole half of the couple. Many if us have known him for over a decade. He's a lovable character with good morals. He's a hero. Making Cole gay is honestly a wonderful choice for queer representation, especially for queer kids.

Making Cole and Geo a romantic couple makes sense. It would be such a big win for the LGBTQ+ community if they become a thing.

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maya-caffrey · 27 days ago

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Short Circuit

pairing: connor (rk800) x reader words: 1k summary: reader sees Connor outside of work for the first time in normal human clothes and dies a little bit (comedy, fluff) warnings: language, lack of proofreading, fic from reader's pov a/n: let's pretend this is after the good ending and androids can own property now cause we're going to Connor's place etc

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Words cannot describe the amount of hate I have for Fowler. On my day off he asks me to take some evidence over to Connor for a 'quick analysis', like, Jesus Christ dude wait for the labwork like the rest of us. The nerve of this guy, honestly. Anyway, if you were wondering why I was driving to Connor's place first thing on a Sunday, that was it.

Yes, I hate my boss, how original, but I would never pass up an opportunity to see Connor. Sure, he's my colleague, but he's also my friend. And also I may be in love with him have a normal, tiny, minuscule crush on him. I don't know how it happened, I didn't even realize it, but yes, I do, in fact, have feelings for Connor. "Oh but he's an andro-" Go fuck yourself, he's more human than most people these days.

Before I realized it, I was at his place and almost knocked on his door. Almost being the keyword here, because I heard a voice from the inside.

"Detective! Just a minute. I will be right there."

"Holy shit, how did you know? Let me guess, X-ray vision?" It's always something with him. Of course, Cyberlife's most intelligent android comes with X-ray vision. I feel stupid for not guessing right away. Wait, does this mean he had X-ray vision all this time? That feels like an ethical grey area. Is that allowed? My rapid descent down that rabbit hole was interrupted by the sound of the door being unlocked.

"Ring Camera. Come on in!" He led me inside and I absent-mindedly followed him before I noticed it. He was wearing a T-shirt and sweatpants. Connor Anderson (legal name, yes), android detective by day, who famously only wore suits, was standing in front of me, in goddamn sweats. And he looked like he stepped right out of my dreams.

I did not know it was possible to be any level of attractive in fucking pajamas, but oh my god, it absolutely was. He looked hot as hell. I don't know if it was from having only seen him in formals, or the fact that Kamski knowingly made a hottie, but I was reveling in this sight.

His T-shirt fit him exactly as it should have, and his sleeves stopped halfway through the biceps I didn't even know he had. His hair looked unkempt and tousled, which was questionable because there's no way he slept, right? I was very sure he could hear my heartbeat because that sucker was betraying me and beating way too fast.

I could not form coherent thoughts for another full minute or so. I am not even holding back, he genuinely looked so attractive he quite literally stole my breath away. All I could do was mumble nonsense while staring at him like I misplaced my glasses.

"Detective, are you alright?"

"What? Me? Yeah, no problem, bud." Bud???? I'd have slapped myself if I could.

"Your body temperature is rapidly rising and your heart is displaying signs of arrhythmia. I suggest we-"

"I suggest we nothing, Connor. I promise I'm fine." See that kids, right there, is what we call a bald-faced lie.

"If you say so. What brings you here, detective?"

"Detective? Come on, we're not at work, man. Chill."

"Alright then, (Y/n), what brings you here?" (Y/n). The way he said my name made me want to explode. Sure, everyone says my name, its my name but oh my god, when he says it, he makes me want to change my last name to his. Which would be Hank's. Huh. That's weird.

"Right, yeah, work stuff. Fowler sent me with evidence for you to analyze. Apparently, they can't wait for the lab like the rest of us mortals." I shoved the file into his hands a little too quickly, hoping he wouldn’t notice how my hands were shaking. He noticed.

"Your hands are trembling." Of course he noticed. Connor notices everything.

"I'm just… cold," I lied, despite standing in his very well-heated apartment.

Connor tilted his head slightly, that signature analytical look of his making me want to crawl under a rock. "You appear to be experiencing stress. Should I—"

"Connor, no. I don't need an analysis, I need to… sit down." That was the best I could come up with. Great. Very smooth.

"Please, make yourself comfortable," he said, gesturing toward his couch. I moved to sit down, hoping a change of scenery would calm my nerves. It didn’t.

Connor sat across from me, still in those damn sweatpants, his expression unreadable as he opened the file and started flipping through its contents. His focus should’ve made me feel at ease- it was just Connor being Connor- but instead, I found myself staring at his hands. They were annoyingly perfect, like the rest of him, and I couldn’t stop imagining what it would feel like if he- nope. No. Abort mission.

"Is something wrong with the file?" he asked suddenly, looking up.

"What? No! The file's fine. Great file. Top-tier evidence. You're gonna love it." Jesus Christ, someone take my mouth away.

Connor raised an eyebrow. "You’re behaving… unusually."

"I’m behaving perfectly normal," I said, crossing my arms in what I hoped was a casual way but probably looked defensive. "Maybe you're the one behaving unusually. I mean, sweatpants? Who are you and what have you done with Connor?"

He blinked, then looked down at himself as if realizing for the first time what he was wearing. "Hank suggested I try some human rituals like pajamas and sleep to better accommodate my deviancy. He claims it’s a key aspect of ‘human relaxation.’ Was this choice inappropriate?"

"No!" I said, a little too quickly. "No, you look—" amazing, perfect, hotter than anyone has a right to look "—fine. You look fine."

Connor studied me for a moment, and I swear I saw the faintest flicker of amusement cross his face. Was he… smirking? Oh no. Oh no, he knew.

"You should consider it," he said, casually returning to the file.

"Consider what?"

"Relaxing. You seem… tense."

And just like that, the ball was back in his court. I was flustered, he was composed, and I was left wondering how I was supposed to get through the rest of this visit without making a complete fool of myself.

Spoiler alert: I didn’t.

a/n: y'all, this is my first time writing dbh, sorry if it sucks T_T

#detroit become human #connor x reader #dbh connor x reader #rk800 x reader #dbh connor #connor rk800 #connor rk800 x reader #rk800 connor x reader #maya writes #dbh #dbh x reader #connor x reader fluff #dbh rk800 #dbh fluff

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omg-snakes · 1 month ago

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You mentioned "slightly higher empathy" - are there any studies or anecdotes that imply corn snakes have any empathy at all? Might just be overthinking your wording, sorry if I am! I just think analyzing the social behavior of various snake species (especially corns) is very fun.

As far as I could find, reptile emotional response is a grossly under-explored area of study. We're still only beginning to understand that snakes have sentience, let alone significant emotional depth.

To the best of our current knowledge, corn snakes do not exhibit any social behavior outside of breeding, and they do not show any response to human emotion that isn't outwardly and explicitly expressed in a way that prompts a response (like being angry and intimidating). To put it bluntly, corn snakes don't care if you're sad. They don't want to please you. If you've established yourself as a non-threatening entity who won't hurt or drop them and who facilitates meals and enrichment, they'll trust you... but that's about as good as it gets. Which is fine with me! It's okay if they don't love me back. It doesn't change my appreciation for them.

That said, just because they don't exhibit empathy as we understand it doesn't mean there's none at all in there! Somebody just needs to do a few well-funded studies and publish their findings.

Other snakes do exhibit social behavior and develop same-species friendships, and I think it would be neat if corn snakes did, too! Maybe in a few hundred years, if we're still keeping corn snakes as a species, they'll be domesticated and will develop more social traits! It's just a silly thing to think about, though, and certainly not worth any analysis.

#snake #snakes #reptile #reptiles #reptiblr #corn snake #corn snakes #answers to questions #text post #long post

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vidavalor · 5 months ago

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Aziraphale & Shostakovich's 5th

So, I did a little digging and there is a sweet and very funny Crowley connection to this symphony-- one that would make sharing it with him actually a very romantic gesture-- which is likely why Aziraphale was gazing at it fondly and so completely beyond excited to have it...

...and it also has a very Good Omens-esque history that is worth a look. Deep dive on the relevance of Shostakovich's Symphony No. 5 below. Happy anniversary, friends! 🤗💕

The first thing to know is that Shostakovich's Symphony No. 5 is one of the most analyzed and frequently performed symphonies in the world. Recordings of it are not rare by a long shot. Maggie probably has at least one other recording of this symphony in the classical music section of her shop. Aziraphale definitely already owns other recordings of it. (Especially because he knows exactly how long the first half of it is without that info being located anywhere visible on the record he's holding in the shop.) What Aziraphale is excited about is not just this symphony but *this particular performance* of this symphony because of its relevance to him and Crowley, as you'll see.

Unlike other pieces of recorded classical music that Aziraphale has in his collection, this is a record of a very historically significant live performance and it is, I'm willing to bet, one that is personally significant to Crowley and Aziraphale. It took place in a completely different era when it came to sound recording technology, as the record is a performance that was recorded live on October 20, 1959. The record that Aziraphale is so excited to receive is a digitally remastered recording of this performance. What Maggie has gotten for Aziraphale and Crowley here is, through advanced technology, some human magic. For Crowley and Aziraphale, this will be the auditory equivalent of a time travel experience.

This live performance took place at what was and still is, acoustically, one of the top places in the world for live music to be heard and recorded-- Boston's Symphony Hall-- and the equipment used to record it was state-of-the-art for its time. Obviously, though, the ability to record sound has changed dramatically since 1959. Records of this performance that were released soon after it were good by the standards of the day but were never stellar and they are really difficult to listen to by our modern standards. The recordings made then could not really fully capture the sound in a way that makes someone listening feel like they're there the way that a recording of a performance held today could.

You and I can pull up the digitally remastered sound files from this performance in under 3 seconds on our phones or computers and listen without issue to a performance with sound quality so good we will feel like we're sitting there in the music hall but for Crowley and Aziraphale? That feeling was only had on the night they were there in 1959. Records of that performance were unable to do it justice until very recently in history, when humans invented technology that could bring back the sound of that night as it truly sounded to them.

Adding to this is that humans, as a whole, despite all this advanced technology, have still not given up on a sense of the romantic so they've taken these advanced recordings and pressed them onto what is, technologically-speaking, an "outdated" form of technology-- vinyl records-- so that people who enjoy listening to music in this more old-fashioned but imminently more soulful way can have an experience that blends modern technological magic with something more intimate and personal. The result is the ability to have the romantic vinyl experience but one with the transportative quality of modern technology.

That is what is Aziraphale has had Maggie get for him and Crowley.

In 2.01, Aziraphale is so excited because he has in his hands the ability for him and Crowley to listen to a live performance of a concert from 1959-- a concert I am sure that he and Crowley were at-- and hear it sound, for the first time since, as they heard it then. Gabriel and Beez's "Everyday" records and Maggie's failed attempt at giving Nina a Nina Simone record do have a Crowley and Aziraphale parallel. We might have been distracted by the idea that, because "Everyday" is Gabriel and Beez's song, that the Crowley and Aziraphale parallel is "A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square" but, as you'll see, it's subtly not-- it's the other record in S2. It's Shostakovich's Symphony No. 5.

Ok, so why is Aziraphale so obsessed with this particular performance of this particular symphony and what does this have to do with Crowley?

For that, we have to look at the symphony itself.

Music is language and, within the language of classical music, composers-- particularly the sort like Shostakovich, who was limited in expression by confines of his society-- would slip bits of hidden language into their music. In his case, it was a form of rebellion against the repression of dissention by the Russian government, much in the way that Crowley and Aziraphale's hidden language-- which they speak right under the nose of Heaven & Hell-- is for them. The first movement of Shostakovich's Symphony No. 5 contains the single most Crowley & Aziraphale-ish bit of hidden language in music imaginable.

The piece of music being referenced has ties to a very famous religious parable that is Ineffable Husbands-y in the extreme.

You all have heard of Saint Anthony, yeah?

No, no that Anthony-- Saint Anthony. 😉

Patron Saint of Lost Things? The dude your grandma tells you to pray to if you misplace your car keys? The patron saint of sailors and all things nautical? And also the patron saint of pregnant people, as if Saint Anthony weren't already amusingly professional midwife Crowley-esque enough? 😂 If you know this guy, then you probably then know the most famous Saint Anthony-centric religious story, which is the one at the heart of the musical interlude that is the hidden message in Shostakovich's Symphony No. 5:

Saint Anthony's Sermon to the Fishes.

Oysters. Bouillabaisse. Gravlax in Dill Sauce. Sushi... we could go on and, indeed, I have, about Crowley and Aziraphale's ability to elevate the-sea-as-sexual-metaphor to its own art form and we all know how much they revel in blasphemy. As a result, a musical hidden message referring to Saint Anthony and his Sermon to the Fishes is possibly the funniest little romantic in-joke in a piece of music possible for Crowley and Aziraphale.

For those of you unfamiliar with this story, it goes a bit like this: the future Saint Anthony was getting a bit miffed about these heretics who weren't listening to him while he was trying to spread the word of God. He goes to his church one day and finds it empty because everyone's out doing non-God stuff. So, to make a point, he went down to the river and began to preach to the fish. (Yes, the actual fish in the river.) The story goes that the fish were all really interested in this and came up to the surface to listen to the sermon, all rapt with attention. They absorbed Saint Anthony's words and found God, leading them to then bow their little fish heads and pray hard in response.

The human people walking by? Well, their attention was naturally had as the fish were acting like people and listening to this dude preach and that was, ya know, a bit weird. The story goes then that people thought that if fish were listening to the words of Jesus as preached by Saint Anthony then maybe they should, too. The point of the parable is that Saint Anthony found a more receptive audience in the fish and, in preaching to these beings who wished to hear what he had to say, his message wound up amplified by being both received by those open to it and by drawing in others who then saw all of these engaged people listening. It suggests that the best way to speak to people and be heard is by starting with those who are already predisposed to listen and focusing on them, instead of ignoring them in favor of those whose minds are not yet open to new ideas.

(There are actual humans, though, who believed this dude really talked to actual fish, in case you needed another reminder to vote.)

As a little sidebar: there is also another story in a similarly Crowley & Aziraphale vein about Saint Anthony that is not part of the symphony in question but does relate a little bit to S2. In that story, Saint Anthony was dining with some non-believers who poisoned his food as a way of testing the fact that apostles of Christ were supposed to be immune to poison. Saint Anthony realized the food was poisoned and confronted them, found out why they did it, blessed the food, and then ate it without harm as a way of trying to prove to the non-believers that God was real.

So, yeah, the Sermon to the Fishes parable here boils down to a comparison between people and fish. It's using fish as a metaphor for humanity, which Crowley and Aziraphale do in an, erm, slightly different way lol by using fish as a metaphor for their human-styled sexual relationship. To the blasphemous and fish-obsessed Aziraphale and his partner, Mr. Anthony J. Crowley, there might not be a funnier bit of Biblical humor to be had than the story of Saint Anthony's Sermon to the Fishes. So, how does this story fit into this symphony?

In the 17th century, a priest named Father Abraham a Sancta Clara wrote a poem describing Saint Anthony's Sermon to the Fishes but this priest really kinda got how insane the whole thing is because the end of it is a bit tongue-in-cheek. It is also more insightful than the actual religious story itself is because it basically says that the fish listened to Saint Anthony-- but then they went back to being their usual fish selves as soon as he was done speaking.

The humor in the poem comes from the priest using the fish as a metaphor for humans listening to the sermons of Saint Anthony and others. The priest is saying in the poem that people listening to sermons do not fundamentally change as a result because they don't take the words to heart and really apply them to how they are living. He conveys this in the poem by saying things like "the carps still stuff themselves" and-- amusingly considering the references in Demon's Guide to Angelic Beings and elsewhere to Crowley as an eel-- "the pikes remained thieves/the eels, great lovers."

If you wanted to, you could make a case that Crowley or Aziraphale influenced the poem a bit (or, even, the whole Saint Anthony story in the first place.)

Anyway, the point of the poem is... ironically... that these fish people?

They heard the words but they didn't truly listen to what was being said.

*laughs in Good Omens S2*

In tone, it's also very similar to how while Crowley and Aziraphale are overall optimistic they also are, through their experience of human history, a little jaded when it comes to the ability of someone to really enact massive amounts of change in people. The poem is in the same tone of their responses to the reasons for why Jesus was being executed for preaching kindness:

Right, so, anyway... the symphony ties...

This poem was then later set to music by the composer Gustav Mahler, with both the poem and the score included in a book called Des Knaben Wunderhorn, which was the go-to compendium of German folk songs and stories. In its inclusion here, Mahler's song-- called Des Antonius von Padua Fischpredigt (which is just German for Saint Anthony's Sermon to the Fishes)-- made the jump to what is, technically, a secular book of folk songs. In those days, there was not as much of a separation between religious music and secular music but this book is kind of a blend of both them. The song is then played all over the place and becomes an extremely popular, well-known song. Everyone then knows Mahler's tune about Saint Anthony and his fishes.

Like Crowley and Aziraphale forced to hide a bit from the regimes to which they belong and using hidden language to communicate, Shostakovich, feeling the pain of government suppression that kept him from full, open expression in his art, was forced to make sure that his compositions sounded appropriately Yay! Russia! enough to not, ya know, be killed... but he slipped in little things along the way to troll his oppressors and inform his art for those who knew to listen for hidden messages in it.

In the first movement of his Symphony No. 5, he slipped in a musical reference to Mahler's Des Antonius von Padua Fischpredigt to express his distaste for Stalin and his government.

The exact bit of Mahler's Saint Anthony's song that is musically referenced in the first movement of Shostakovich's Symphony No. 5, off of the second movement of his Symphony No. 4, is the musical accompaniment to the lyric: "He goes to the rivers and preaches to the fishes." So, in addition to the rebellious nature of this and the blasphemy, Aziraphale has bought his Anthony a symphony that begins with a musical interlude that basically says "let's get it on" in Ineffable Husbands Speak. 😉

It was only decades later, though, when people realized just how much of a fuck you this musical reference to Mahler's Saint Anthony song really was-- and that is because of the fact that Shostakovich had actually first put that very same musical reference into the companion piece to Symphony No. 5-- his suppressed Symphony No. 4.

Here's where this whole thing becomes a really Good Omens-y meta joke as well...

Shostakovich composed and completed his Symphony No. 4 during 1935 and 1936 with the intent of its first public performance being in Leningrad in December 1936. However, he and the opera he had composed that was being performed at the time-- Lady Macbeth of Mtsensk-- were targeted by Stalin. All art criticism in Russia was monitored and influenced by the state and Stalin had been growing concerned about Shostakovich getting a bit political with his art in a way that didn't benefit Stalin and his government so he fired a bit of a warning shot at Shostakovich by targeting his opera. He didn't outrightly imprison or kill him because Russia only had so many really amazing composers who could make patriotic music for Stalin lol but, at the same time, he was warning Shostakovich to toe the party line and reminding him that was always being watched.

As a result of this targeting, the public performance of Symphony No. 4 in 1936 was canceled. The symphony was not actually publicly performed at all for the next twenty-five years. It did not see the light of day until it was first played publicly by an orchestra in Moscow in December of 1961. Back in 1936, though, Shostakovich kept composing and fought against being targeted a bit by hyping his next work-- Symphony No. 5-- as being this super-patriotic ode to Russia. He somehow actually managed to get Symphony No. 5 publicly performed for the first time the very next year after Stalin was threatening him-- in 1937.

Why this matters is that the two symphonies are thematically connected and they both contain the musical motif of this reference that's relevant to Crowley & Aziraphale but musical audiences-- including Crowley & Aziraphale lol-- actually learned all of this both backwards and decades apart...

...just like how we viewers are learning the story of Good Omens.

Shostakovich composed a story between the symphonies but that story wound up presented to his audience beginning in the middle (with the start of Symphony No. 5) and with a long wait of decades before the crucial beginnings of that story (Symphony No. 4) was ever shown to the audience-- even though Symphony No. 4 had existed for a quarter of a century. It's a bit of a meta wink at how Good Omens is presenting its story out of sequence and to the fact that more of its story with Season 2 took decades to make its way into being publicly viewed.

Maybe more to the point? Audiences who heard both symphonies then took awhile to realize how interconnected they are and their understanding of Symphony No. 5-- which they've been analyzing for decades-- was changed dramatically by the revelation of Symphony No. 4 and their understanding of how the two works connect.

Since Crowley and Aziraphale lived in the eras of Shostakovich's music being revealed and first performed, these two symphonies are a classical music version of understanding a full story that took decades to be fully understood. It's kind of like their version of what Good Omens is to us.

To understand it from their point of view? Symphony No. 5 was, as we said above, first performed publicly in 1937 and the performance that Aziraphale and Crowley saw-- the significance of which we're going to talk about in a second-- took place in 1959. Symphony No. 4 was still not publicly known when they were at the performance on the record Aziraphale got from Maggie. It would be another two years after that until Symphony No. 4 debuted in 1961, even though it was written in 1936, and it would take time after that for people to begin to understand how the two pieces went together... and to really fully appreciate the fact that this canceled 4th symphony that Stalin oppressed did contain a hidden reference to Mahler's music that made it as secretly radical as Stalin had feared-- which Shostakovich then turned around and stuck right smack dab at the beginning of the first movement of his Symphony No. 5-- less than a minute into the start of it-- as a middle finger to Stalin.

Saint Anthony's Sermon to the Fishes, as we can see, has taken this longer, cultural trip to wind up being used in this symphony as a pretty delicious act of rebellion and it's pretty easy to see how Crowley and Aziraphale would be very into that. By putting the Mahler interlude again into Symphony No. 5, Shostakovich was just growling fuck all of you idiots-- you'll never stop me! beneath a socially-acceptable exterior of this symphony that managed to pass as not subversive enough and quite literally saved Shostakovich from being killed by Stalin and allowed him to keep having his work performed publicly... and he was doing so by referencing this hilariously Crowley-esque Biblical story and adding some rebellion to its social history.

That, alone, would be more than enough for why Crowley and Aziraphale love this symphony but there's actually more...

The second bit relates to why Aziraphale is so excited to have a good recording on vinyl of this particular performance of Shostakovich's Symphony No. 5. That relates to the performance's role in international relations and history, how Crowley and Aziraphale use (and the story uses) the political relationships between countries as a metaphor for Heaven & Hell, and just the really, really beautiful symbolism involved in this historic performance of this symphony.

The record that Aziraphale gets from Maggie in 2.01 is a recording of Shostakovich's Symphony No. 5 as performed-- live-- on October 20, 1959 by the New York Philharmonic, under the direction of Leonard Bernstein, at Boston's Symphony Hall. This single performance of this particular symphony happening in this way, at this time, is maybe nothing short of a miracle and is a really great example of art transcending borders and how it can bring out the common humanity in us all.

Leonard Bernstein, a first-generation American whose parents emigrated to the U.S. from what was then part of the Soviet Empire, became the first American-born composer to lead an American orchestra when he took over the New York Philharmonic. Bernstein is the composer of West Side Story and the scores for films like On the Waterfront and is known for leading the Philharmonic as a conductor to international fame as one of the world's best orchestras. Under Bernstein's direction, the New York Philharmonic made recordings of American orchestral music-- like their completely stunning version of Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue-- that really exemplified a kind of wild, passionate, expressive feeling in the music that combined elements of jazz into classical music and has come to be globally synonymous with America.

In 1959, during the Cold War and with the Space Race in full swing, Leonard Bernstein made headlines for taking an American-government-backed, art-as-diplomacy type of trip with his orchestra to Moscow to meet his fellow composer, Dmitri Shostakovich. In a 20-day trip that is monitored by everyone under the sun lol, Bernstein and members of his orchestra are shown artistic and historically-relevant places in Moscow and get to dine and spend some time with Shostakovich and other musicians. They're all admirers of one another's work and are excited to be able to talk about music and make some together. Their countries are enemies but they are not-- they're just people aware of the politics involved of their visit but just excited to have that visit so they can talk about art with other artists they admire. While they are there, Bernstein and the New York Philharmonic perform Symphony No. 5 in Moscow for Shostakovich.

Bernstein and the New York Philharmonic play the piece a bit differently than Shostakovich and other conductors in Europe do. The main difference is playing the piece a bit faster in parts, particularly in the last movement, Movement 4 (which is the piece of the symphony that is playing in Good Omens when Gabriel arrives.)

If you listen to recordings of how Movement 4, in particular, is played by orchestras under Russian and other conductors in the decades after its first performance in 1937 in comparison to Bernstein and the New York Philharmonic's take on it, it has a very different feel to it. The change in tempo in parts changes the feeling of the piece in such a way as to basically make it emote more. It is wilder, more openly passionate and less restrained. I've seen it described as the piece shouting its own joy at being set free and that's really it.

So, the Americans played it this way in Moscow for the composer himself and in front of half the Russian government, who seem to just see it as a coup that this younger composer is coming to their country to see their composer. Bernstein is most concerned with just not offending his new friend with his take on the work-- and he is thrilled to learn that Shostakovich loves it.

Bernstein and the American government had been hoping to somehow get an exchange trip out of this but Moscow is hesitant. Rumors exist that they were worried that Shostakovich would defect so while they're fine with the Americans playing music of Russian composers, they subtly (and, probably, not so subtly) threaten Shostakovich into staying in Moscow.

Bernstein, as thanks to Shostakovich for his friendship, expresses his intent to go ahead with what they had been planning on doing if Shostakovich could come to America and that is to conduct the New York Philharmonic in a performance of Shostakovich's Symphony No. 5 in Shostakovich's honor in the very musically and politically-significant place they had wanted to bring him to to hear his work played-- Boston's Symphony Hall.

Symphony Hall in Boston is considered the finest concert hall in America from an acoustic perspective and one of the top two or three in the world. If you enjoy music performed by an orchestra, there is almost no better place in the world to music played than Symphony Hall and there is not a place of its caliber anywhere in Russia. For a composer like Shostakovich, secretly long-suffering at the hands of the Russian government, it would have been one of the highlights of his life to hear his own music performed in this wild and free way by his American friends in what is basically the classical music equivalent of paradise and that, as a bonus, just so happens to be located dead center in the birthplace of the American Revolution.

Bernstein had hopes that they could convince Moscow to let Shostakovich come to Boston to hear his music performed at Symphony Hall but Moscow won't budge so Bernstein gets an idea that both governments also like because it winds up good press for both for them-- the New York Philharmonic is going to perform Shostakovich's Symphony No. 5 in Boston's Symphony Hall in honor of their time in Moscow with Shostakovich and they will make a record out of it, which the record labels love because the attention paid to the trip means the record will sell tons of copies. The musicians are all really also doing it, though, to make a record of the performance out of love for Shostakovich himself, so he can have the closest thing possible to hearing his symphony performed in Symphony Hall.

So, naturally, when this concert took place? The musicians were all really emotional and played the living fuck out of this symphony as a love letter to their friend trapped behind the Iron Curtain. There are many people who consider it to be the best performance of Shostakovich's Symphony No. 5 in existence.

It's October 1959-- there is no internet. No one can get Shostakovich a VPN and link to a livestream. He had to wait months for the record to be pressed and to get a physical copy on record through international mail before he could hear it. When he did, the sound quality was the best 1959 had to offer but it still was nothing like what the digitally remastered version of this live performance that Aziraphale has on this record is like.

Even though he was not able to hear this performance in person, Shostakovich did receive the record in 1959 and was able to hear with the best sound of that time what his music sounded like in Symphony Hall when performed by a bunch of Americans going wild out love for him and his work and giving what some consider one of the best orchestral performances ever in the process, in a place that is, acoustically, musical Heaven. Shostakovich died in 1975. Sound had barely improved by then by comparison to today. He never actually got to hear this Symphony Hall performance the way that Crowley and Aziraphale did in 1959 and can now again by listening to the record Aziraphale has just bought from Maggie.

Aziraphale's love of classical music, plus his financial and magical resources and having plenty of time to travel mean to me that he has undoubtedly heard music live in Boston's Symphony Hall before. Because of how much of an international and cultural event this particular performance was in 1959, it was hyped for weeks before it happened. It was almost impossible to get seats but Aziraphale is very wealthy and very magical. Given how much he loves classical music and the really moving story of this performance, Aziraphale, if he didn't already have an in from knowing different composers (probably Bernstein heh), he would have gone so far as to give away a book to get to this thing. He and Crowley were at this concert.

Given how much the story of this concert parallels he and Crowley and their love across enemy lines, this would be worth the risk. They definitely would have had no trouble being inconspicuous and blending in amongst the crowds here as this concert was very sold out. They snuck off to America together for a date to watch its best musicians play a passionate ode to the subtly subversive music of their fellow artist with whom they couldn't always physically be because of who he was forced to work for but whom they love madly anyway.

The hidden language, the hilarious blasphemy of St. Anthony and his fish, the way they use Russia and America as a parallel, the absolutely beautiful music itself and all the parallels to their relationship in this particular, live performance and how it came to be, and the fact that he and Crowley were there together... It all makes this record different from other ones Aziraphale is shown to have or has listened to in the past.

He loves those, too, and they probably have significant meaning to him but the Schubert he was listening to in 1.01, for example, is not a live performance. A lot of classical music recordings are edited. It's music played by others that is like music Aziraphale once heard live. This is a literal record for Aziraphale, in the sense that it's a live concert and he and Crowley were there.

Think, for a moment, about how special that really is to Aziraphale and how much it will be to Crowley when he finally finds out Aziraphale has this record...

They have souvenirs but nothing that is overt and nothing that is any sort of audio/visual record of any time they've ever spent together. They either destroyed or have deeply hidden the one picture of the two of them together that they had. Everyone else in the modern world is walking around snapping photos and making videos left and right of the people they love but Crowley and Aziraphale are not. They don't have pictures of each other or videos or a recording of each other's voices. It's too dangerous. They've been sneaking out for dates for literal ages and they don't have a single record of what any of those countless nights sounded like.

Aziraphale is vibrating with excitement over this record in 2.01 because he is thinking that, when Crowley comes back later in the day, he'll be able to give him this record of the music from this very memorable night they once had together in 1959. Aziraphale knows this is romantic as all holy hell and that Crowley is going to love this so he can't wait for later that night when he and Crowley can listen to this album together. Aziraphale knows he has a very amorous evening in store as that demon is going to be mush over this record.

I think that's actually the joke as to why he's listening to the album backwards.

As others have pointed out, it's the first half of the symphony-- its first two movements-- that are just over 21 minutes long and one might assume that someone would begin listening to the record of the symphony with Side A of the record. This is what Aziraphale seems to tell Maggie that he's going to do when he makes the hilariously lewd little "21 minutes" comment. However, when we actually see him in the bookshop after just a few minutes have passed, it's clear that he actually put Side B on the record first and began in the middle of the symphony with Movement 3, as the record is playing the very beginning of its ending-- Movement 4-- when Gabriel arrives. There's an etymology joke that explains this a bit.

Aziraphale is obviously thinking about Crowley while being excited to get this record and about the hidden language within it and his and Crowley's own hidden language. Both of them actually frequently phrase sentences to other people around them that sound normal to those people but actually mean something slightly different if the words they say are viewed through a filter of the rules of their vocabulary. Crowley will say things to Maggie in their speak in 2.06 when he's irritated over the fact that she says they don't talk and Aziraphale is doing so with the "21 minutes" comment. The key word in the sentence that actually changes the meaning of it is the word next.

Next, from the Proto-Germanic nekh, meaning near, and nigh, meaning near and soon.

In other words, Aziraphale's comment sounds like he's, ah, really excited about his music and is about to go, ah, really enjoy the first side of this album but, while he is rather excited to have the record, the 21 minutes of the first side of it are not something he's going to be listening to in the next 21 minutes-- meaning, the exact following 21 minutes-- but that he will be listening to in the next 21 minutes with next in its etymological root meaning of soon.

He's saving the first half of the symphony and its Saint Anthony's Sermon to the Fishes for Anthony.

This actually though winds up making the lewdness of Aziraphale's "21 minutes" comment even funnier when you take into account the musical natures of the different movements of this symphony. While everyone's taste is different, I feel like it's a safe bet that if all of you go listen to this symphony in full right now, you will agree with me that the only truly fuckable-music part of it is Movement 3-- which is very much so.

The joke winds up being more like Aziraphale is listening to the second half of the symphony on the B side of the record alone when we first see him because he really loves the damn symphony itself and wants to hear all of it right away to appreciate the performance of the music in its own right but he knows that he and Crowley are going to be getting busy from the hot Movement 3 on and he will not be able to pay attention to the music so he's sneaking a listen to Side B of the record first just to have the musically orgasmic experience as well. 😂

It also adds a funny element to Gabriel's arrival. Movement 4 of the piece is wild and soaring and then winds up in this weird kind of funeral march-- these two and their sex and death-- and Aziraphale's just trying to appreciate the piece when a naked, American-presenting bit of celestial harmonies shows up on his doorstep, bear hugs this Shostakovich, and defects to his and Crowley's embassy.

Gabriel's arrival causes a chain of events that culminate in Aziraphale still not having shown Crowley this record and, as Gabriel is in the street, arriving in 2.01, he is being recorded with ease by hundreds of people on cell phones-- all of them easily making high-quality records of an event with technology that is nothing shy of magic that now exists in everyone's pockets-- Aziraphale is inside listening to a record on vinyl that was made during this same modern era, using its advanced technology to act as an accurate recording of a concert from the past that would have been lost to it without the magic of the humans and their technology.

It continues the theme of different kinds of records-- Muriel the Scrivener, books and diaries, Maggie's record shop, "Everyday", the Gabriel file in Heaven, the Satanic nuns and their lots of records that were lost in the fire, etc.-- and underscores the themes of memories and existence.

Ok, a couple of more things about this record here that tie to the story. We should probably note that the Movement 4 that Aziraphale is listening to when Gabriel arrives is labeled allegro non troppo, which means fast, but not overly so. Not only does it describe both the original intent of the music and still works with Bernstein's interpretation of it but when you consider the pacing aspect of Crowley & Aziraphale's story with the car and around that particular word of fast (which also means to withdraw from eating for a period of time), it adds in the music motif to some of that as well.

Also about the final movement: not within the part we hear in the show but within Movement 4 as a whole, Shostakovich references a song he wrote separately from this symphony that was musical accompaniment for a poem by Russian poet Alexander Pushkin called Rebirth. It is worth a read as there might be some threads to pull on there when it comes to where Aziraphale ends up over the course of the season and in general.

Another thing is that the first movements of the symphony have been described as a kind of mix of lamentation and grief with a sense of pining and longing to them, which I got when I listened as well. There is a lot of angst in it and musical motifs that kind of go nowhere at times, representing a lot of anxiety and unfinished threads. Some attribute this to the fact that Shostakovich had a tragic romantic life and, around this time, a woman with whom he was madly in love refused his marriage proposal, fled to Spain and married a film director there.

Shostakovich also included something else of Crowley and Aziraphale relevance in the first movement, possibly off of that failed romance of his-- so, alongside the reference to Saint Anthony's Sermon to the Fishes. It is a musical reference to the Habanera, the famous aria from Bizet's Carmen.

While lusty and playful, lyrically, the Habanera is also a bit of a pine fest about not knowing when or if you'll ever get to be with the one you love but about how that love is wild and untameable and cannot be stopped.

Its formal name is its first lyric, which is:

L'amour est un oiseau rebelle, which is French for...

Love is a rebellious bird.

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#ineffable husbands #good omens #crowley #aziraphale #aziracrow #good omens meta #good omens 2 #ineffable husbands speak #crowley x aziraphale #good omens speculation #good omens analysis

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endgamelukola · 24 days ago

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DAY 2:

I think the astrology of Luke and Nic says a lot of things about them as individuals and how they could potential interact with each other that is pretty fascinating.

My disclaimer here is that astrology is a fun personality test-type thing to me. I do not make major life decisions or hold heavy weight in it, but if I can explain why people are buttholes by learning that Mercury is in Retrograde YET AGAIN, bess believe I'mma do it. It really just provides a way to think about how we're influenced by where the world was at in the universe when we were born. And if you're rolling your eyes and saying 'omg, astrology is so dumb, people can't be lumped into categories that way' I would ask WHERE'S THE AQUARIUS IN YOUR CHART? lol I'm playin.

ANY WAY. I'm not an astrology guru of any means, so if you're looking for a LUKOLA ASTROLOGY CLASS, I recommend onesagesview on YouTube because that woman goes so deep into the weeds that even I haven't watched all of her analysis. What I think is worth knowing is the big three of each, because they give an estimate of how an individual operates within the world around them.

So from my limited knowledge, the big three of astrology are your RISING SIGN, your SUN SIGN, and your MOON SIGN. The most surface level people usually know is their sun sign. For example, if you haven't already clocked my sign, just know I'm born in August three days after Rory (i don't wanna talk about it, THE MEN ARE DIFFERENT OK). More about the big three though: the moon sign represents your inner world, the sun sign represents your core self, and the rising sign represents your outward persona and/or how others see you.

Nicola is a Taurus Moon (earth), Capricorn Sun (earth), and Aquarius Rising (air). So this confirms me a lot of what we already know about Nic, and gives more room for looking at other parts of her chart as well since it fits like a Cinderella shoe.

Nic is the first to admit she loves a good trailer nap, and combined with her response in a red flag interview of someone using a 3-in-1 for their shower, I'd say that Taurus moon shines bright. In my experience, Capricorns are genuine human beings who don't sugarcoat themselves for others. I've come across a few TikToks analyzing how women in society have been fed the message of not being "too much" and I'd say the Capricorn is the antithesis of this, but not in a loud or intentional way, if that makes sense? They're just who they are. And they really don't have time to be anyone else, and that shit is admirable in my book. So another point in the confirm column for how it aligns with Nic. She may be damn good at portraying other people, but best believe there's no mistaking who she is off camera for those closest to her. Finally, that Aquarius rising is that salt bae moment on top! Aquarians are concerned with everyone else, but again, not in a loud or intentional way. They're naturally dispositioned to look at the world and mine it for their causes. This is the humanitarian element we see, I think, where Nicola isn't afraid to stand firmly behind the causes she believes in, regardless of how others may view her.

Then mix that combination together, Taurus + Capricorn + Aquarius and you've got someone who is down for a good time at home (whether home is a place, a group of people, etc) and will not allow their peace to be disturbed. If their peace is disturbed? Expect to hear about how you crossed the line and how you won't be doing it again. (ex. normalize not filming people in public *kisses*)

So that's my yap about Nicola's big three! Nothing new here, folks, but I'll review Luke's tomorrow because I LIKE TO YAP.

Merry Lukola-mas!

#lukola #nicola coughlan #just some thoughts #my thoughts #thoughts and opinions

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theoneprecioustome · 4 months ago

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Disconnected | Aikoto Thoughts

Someone at Atlus decided to gift us an opening dedicated to Aikoto and it's filled with gorgeous symbolism and foreshadowing, so I'm here to sing it the praises it deserves

Warning: This post will contain BIG spoilers for The Answer (Episode Aigis).

The opening starts with a blue butterfly which, in The Answer lore, is meant to symbolize Aigis' Papillon Heart. Meanwhile, Makoto is walking through a field of spider lilies which, in Japan, symbolize death and are believed to guide souls to the afterlife.

In other words: the opening starts with Aigis' heart chasing after Makoto, who has passed on 😭 But that's not all.

I love how they have Makoto heading towards a door engulfed in light, because it perfectly foreshadows the Desert of Doors. Makoto is gone and Aigis doesn't quite know what happened to him exactly, and the answer to that question lies behind the door that Aigis will eventually choose to open. So through Episode Aigis, Aigis is doing just that: chasing after Makoto.

This opening sequence is even built to reference Aigis' recurrent dream where she runs after Makoto's back but can never catch up to him. As such, even when the camera shows us Makoto's profile, we can't see his face.

After this, we see Aigis waking up from her dream, crying. She turns behind her, almost like she's hoping to see Makoto, but of course, he isn't there.

There's also a big contrast between the way Aigis' eye is drawn here and the way it's drawn in the P3R Opening. While the P3R opening emphasizes Aigis' robotic origins by showing the mechanisms therein, Disconnected does no such thing and instead emphasizes Aigis' human emotions in the form of her tears.

This contrast alone shows Aigis' development beautifully, but there's yet another contrast to be made. In the P3R opening, Aigis fell into a long sleep from which she would only awaken after feeling Makoto's presence on Yakushima. In Episode Aigis, we see her waking up and crying after losing him 😭

We momentarily leave Aigis to be shown SEES with an overlaid Fool card which ends up shattering. The SEES Social Link is represented by the Fool, so the card shattering at the end perfectly encapsulates how the bonds they forged in P3R are put to the test by the loss of their Leader, Makoto.

After this we get one of my favorite sequences in the Opening, because the way the lyrics are cleverly matched to the visuals is just too good.

Aigis' is shown running through the desert of doors—the desert that was drawn to the dorms because of her pain.

“時の狭間”はアイギスに起こったさまざまな変化と繋がった、いわばアイギス自身が原因となって生まれた空間である。 The ‘Abyss of Time’ is connected to the various changes that have occurred in Aigis, so it's a space that was created by Aigis herself, so to speak. Source: Persona 3 x Persona 4 World Analyze Book

She is, literally and figuratively, lost in that desert. In her own pain.

My heart fell and I can't find it, the lyrics say, and right after we're shown... Metis. The physical manifestation of Aigis' very own heart. She even pulls down her butterfly-shaped visor, symbolizing the mystery of her identity while simultaneously giving us the answer.

Aigis' key falls and so does Aigis, and here comes the heart and soul of the opening.

Makoto and Aigis juxtaposed just like in the Episode Aigis Key Art.

Just like in the key art, Makoto is looking at Aigis and smiling at her. Unlike the key art, here we can notice that Makoto is meant to be within the sea of souls. When Aigis parts her lips in surprise, bubbles of air come out, but there are none around Makoto.

This is quite literally Makoto's soul watching over Aigis, who feels like she's drowning without him 😭 She even looks lifeless until she notices him.

Aigis tries reaching out to him to no avail, just like in the movies.

But Makoto simply fades away, his smile being the last thing we see. The way they show Aigis' hand losing its strength felt like a kick to the heart 😭

As someone on Twitter pointed out, to make this even more painful, Makoto is smiling fully, looking happy and at peace. But since Aigis is looking at him upside down, his expression is less clear to her, to the point that it could even pass for a frown.

This ambiguity once again highlights that since Aigis doesn't know nor understand what exactly happened to Makoto, she can't be at ease.

Then we're treated to another masterclass in symbolism. We see some of Makoto's life flash before our eyes; that fateful night Death was sealed inside him, followed by the moment he chose to meet his fate to protect his friends and the world. These two moments are shown within his Evoker, representing his duty. His fight.

The montage ends with Makoto's lasts moments—spent with Aigis with a peaceful smile on his face. The rooftop scene isn't shown within his Evoker though, but within Makoto's MP3 player. The one thing he never did without.

So within just a few frames, we get to see the beginning and end of Makoto's journey superimposed on his two most meaningful objects. The Evoker—his fight—which passes onto Aigis, and his MP3 Player—his heart—which is synchronized with Aigis' (as evidenced by she inheriting Orpheus), showing their last moments together.

I won't go into the sequence foreshadowing the Colosseum fights (and Erebus!), but it's worth mentioning that Metis' entrance is yet another nod to the fact that she is a part of Aigis. When we see Metis charge, we're clearly shown that there's no one but Fuuka behind her, yet Aigis appears behind her soon after as if she was always there.

After this, we get another shot that was masterfully synchronized with the lyrics.

I'm so numb, so lost without you.

And right as we hear that "you", Aigis summons Orpheus. Makoto's signature Persona, which comes straight from the sea within his soul.

Orpheus being there is proof that Makoto's soul is still connected to Aigis', that he has never left her, which is why he was shown earlier looking after her in the sea of souls. And as if to further draw that home, when Makoto fades into the sea of souls, they add a breaking shards effect.

The same effect that appears when Aigis summons Orpheus.

The opening then shows us a shot of the Empyrean Door, the door which shows the moment Aigis awakens to the Wild Card as well as Metis' own birth. As if on cue, we see the blue butterfly catch up to Aigis like a light in the dark, taking us full-circle to the beginning of the opening where the butterfly flies past Makoto's profile.

The opening ends with a single cherry blossom petal falling, a callback to the rooftop scene and to that last moment Makoto and Aigis spent together.

And also, an homage to the ending of the original The Answer, which also featured the cherry blossoms for a split second.

TL;DR The Opening not only beautifully foreshadows Metis' origins and Aigis' own journey through Episode Aigis, it also highlights the connection between Makoto's soul and Aigis' and the fact that he will never leave her.

And this is all without getting into the lyrics which make all of this even more heartbreaking 😭 as soon as the official lyrics drop I'll revisit this post to properly match everything!

#aikoto #aigis #makoto yuki #persona 3 reload #persona 3 #episode aigis #meta #saying this op has me in a chokehold would be an understatement #we haven't aikotoed this hard since atlus gave us an entire aikoto duet dance for the persona concert lmao

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jesncin · 1 year ago

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The Potential of Asian Lois Lane. Pt 1: Girl Taking Over and American Alien, a comparative analysis

Lois Lane has had many iterations over the years. But specifically in the last decade, Lois has been reimagined as an Asian American woman in both the comics and recently in the animated show My Adventures with Superman.

I believe making Lois Asian is a very inspired choice for the Superman mythos! I would like to take a moment to analyze these versions of Lois from an Asian perspective, seeing what works, what doesn't, and what I'd like to see more of. We'll start with the comics first, as MAWS is going to need its own post.

Usual disclaimers: I'm just one Asian perspective, I do not and never will claim to cover every Asian person's opinion on a thing ever. We're not a monolith, we come from a variety of backgrounds and experiences. I'm simply a fan who enjoys media analysis and believes it's valuable to have my perspective in this topic. Secondly, this discussion covers the comic run American Alien, which is written by Max Landis. He's an ultra creep and while I think the comic is worth a read for what it is, I leave it up to you whether you'd like to buy the comic. You can always arg-arg-ahoy otherwise.

I'd like to start with Girl Taking Over: A Lois Lane Story written by Sarah Kuhn with art by Arielle Jovellanos. This is a self contained YA graphic novel about a young Japanese American Lois dealing with the ups and downs of breaking into journalism as a career in National City. When her dream internship at Catco gets a corporate take over, Lois seizes an opportunity to write an exposé on a shady art director. But when her story is turned down, Lois does some out of the box things to get the story of marginalized performers shared with the world.

Girl Taking Over is a fantastic story and I happily recommend it to anyone looking for how an Asian American Lois could be reimagined (with fabulous art by Arielle! The fashion especially is on-point). This story isn't just a diverse coat of paint on a Lois Lane story, being Asian informs Lois' experiences and choices. Both she and her frenemy roommate Miki, are ambitious Asian women yet have hidden insecurities where they still made themselves small to their respective white male bosses. They played into model minority in different ways, and it's only by working together that they're able to foster a community for their stories to be told.

Lois and Miki don't just "have a diverse friend group", that friend group is actively being taken advantage of and suppressed by white gatekeepers. By extension, Lois' friends from work find solidarity in each other. Lois looks up to Cat Grant, a Filipina-American journalist, because seeing Cat succeed made Lois feel like her dream as a journalist is possible. I love how Lois' mom (a character so rarely expanded on in DC canon) acts as a voice of comfort for Lois in the story. All these characters feel holistic and whole, going through their own unique struggles.

It's clear from interviews with both the writer and artist that they care for the history of Lois, and saw an opportunity to reimagine her in a way that aligns with her character but also revitalizes her for new readers of color who aren't used to seeing themselves reflected in media. It's taking Lois' ambition and fearlessness and channeling them into the need to be a model minority, and the insecurities that can come from the desire to succeed constantly. It's taking a character historically frustrated by sexism and disrespected by her male peers- including Clark Kent (who got better treatment than her as a man), and expanding her to be a Lois that has to deal with both sexism and racism in the workplace. It's humanizing Lois' excellence into something painfully specific and relatable for many Asian women.

The only thing I feel I want from this version of Lois is... honestly more of her! I want to see what Japanese Lois does when she moves to Metropolis and works at the Daily Planet. I want to see how her experiences in National City informs her adulthood. Girl Taking Over sets up an incredible groundwork for stories to be told in the Superman mythos. How would Lois react to Superman, a fellow immigrant? Would Superman see himself in Lois? Since she's someone who, in the American context, is perceived as the perpetual foreigner? What would their relationship be like? Out of all the Asian Lois' in media we have so far, this Asian Lois' story has the most rich potential in my opinion.

Up next, we have American Alien written by Max Landis. This 7 issue series swaps artists for each issue, as a means of reflecting different milestones in Clark's life. I will be focusing on issues #4, 5, and 7 since those have the most prominent Lois appearances. With that, I'd like to celebrate the artists for those issues: Jae Lee (issue 4), Francis Manapul (issue 5), and Jock (issue 7). All these artists did a fantastic job, their art styles are energetic and fun to look at. Lee and Manapul are both Asian artists (Korean and Filipino respectively) and I love how they draw Lois- who looks undeniably Asian in their art styles.

American Alien is a modern take on the Superman tale. It expands Clark's story to be connected to Batman, Green Lanterns, Green Arrow, and more. We see Clark grow from his days in Smallville to a city boy in Metropolis, coming into his own as Superman. It's a bold and pretty divisive take with some standout story moments. From what I know, this is likely the first time Lois has been reimagined as Asian- and continues to influence Superman media like MAWS (the producer specifically calls out this comic as inspiration).

In issue #4, Clark moves in to his Metropolis apartment and talks on the phone to his mom about "some bigshot guy named Louis Lane". The reader, likely familiar with the Superman mythos, knows Clark is coming in with biases and a preconceived notion of who he considers a promising student reporter. Once we meet Lois Lane however, the comic turns the reader's expectations on their head:

Lois Lane is an Asian American woman (it's not specified what her exact ethnicity is)! This is a fun moment where the comic metatextually challenged the reader's own biases, showing it's not just Clark who had a different idea of who Lois Lane could be.

Lois' introductory panel is my personal favorite part of her characterization in American Alien. Lois proudly stands as a wall of text behind her recounts how she was considered as a winner for the Daily Planet's Charlton Memorial Laureate Program. When asked why she deserves a place on the program, Lois snaps back that the very question itself is loaded. She's listed her credentials and looks professional- so she's either already been rejected and is just being made to "at least had my say" or she's been accepted and is "meant to garnish my success with eloquent affirmation" to which Lois refuses to do either.

This is a great defiant introduction to Lois, showcasing how jaded she is with the way the world perceives her- but is very confident in her self worth as a journalist. By the end of the issue she reaches out to Clark to combine their exclusive interviews into one story to make a big impression on the news. Her words inspire Clark to seize an opportunity to make a big change in the world as Superman.

Afterwards, the comic plays the classic Superman and Lois dynamic straight. Lois is initially suspicious of Superman, but eventually comes around and is inspired to hope through him. There's a great back and forth between the two where Lois' words initially inspire Clark to be Superman, then Clark assures Lois that Superman is probably just a good guy, and when Clark loses hope from a bad day of heroism, Lois gives him hope again. In the end, Lois realizes her love for Clark Kent over Superman and they share a passionate ending kiss.

Overall American Alien nails the Clark and Lois dynamic and understands their relationship. I consider this Asian Lois "just okay". I like that we get to see an adult jaded Asian Lois meet Clark Kent and Superman, and see them get together. Similarly to Girl Taking Over, I'd like to see how this Lois and Clark would play out. My only issue with American Alien's Lois is a sense of missed opportunities.

The writing overall leaves room for plausible deniability over Lois' Asian identity. The artists (particularly Lee and Manapul) are doing the heavy lifting delivering Asian Lois. If she was drawn as a white woman, none of the writing would need adjustment. Sure her introductory panel implies that people judge her based on her appearance- but that could be just sexism instead of the intersectional experience of Asian Lois going through racism and sexism. Clark did assume she was a man after all- it's never specified if he assumed she was a white man. The only thing you'd lose is the metatextual shock value of Lois Being Asian This Time. That's really what this Lois boils down to, initial shock value with no specific writing to follow through. Her marginalization and identity is written broadly enough that it could be attributed to general sexism and womanhood. It's not specific to being an Asian American woman.

However, because of its broadness, there's room for Lois' Asian identity to be built on in the world of American Alien. The story centers Clark's experiences, but I can easily imagine a continuation of the story expanding on Lois'. The basic groundwork is there. I think it's telling that in a comic called American Alien, we get a more diverse Superman cast system. Jimmy Olsen is Black, Lois Lane is Asian- when Clark moves to the city it feels expansive compared to Smallville. It's a world that feels ready to tackle themes of racism if it was ever to continue (and probably in the hands of a writer with that kind of life experience!). In the end, there's room for this Asian Lois to be something special. Clark isn't the only American Alien in American Alien, if you catch my drift.

You can see how Girl Taking Over has a huge piece of what American Alien is missing. The characters aren't just diverse for shock value, they're not an aesthetic change over historically white characters. They have a story to tell that is inseparable from their identities. Whereas in American Alien, the art is doing the heavy lifting with the reimagined diverse characters- Girl Taking Over has both the writing and art carry the representation. Lois can't be changed into being white in Girl Taking Over.

Both of these stories have potential- but if I had the choice to pick which story should continue, it would easily be Girl Taking Over. This graphic novel works for what it is: it makes sense that this is a younger and idealistic Lois that hasn't met Clark or Superman yet. It's a YA book and Lois can absolutely carry a story on her own. What I want as an Asian fan, is for the potential of Asian Lois Lane to be seen through to the point it's considered the definitive version. As of right now, Girl Taking Over is a fun twist on the Lois Lane story. Not something that is seen as inseparable from the Superman mythos. However! If those themes of marginalization and immigrant identity are tapped into for both Superman and Lois Lane? I feel that has the potential to radically strengthen the overall themes of Superman. It's certainly been touched on before.

(TW/CW: racial slur mention in below image)

Superman Smashes the Klan by Gene Yang with art by Gurihiru is a retelling of the Clan of the Fiery Cross arc in the classic radio show The Adventures of Superman where Superman faces off with the Klan who had been terrorizing a Chinese American family. The graphic novel adapts the story to center the Chinese American characters, and makes it a point to show that Superman relates to them. If that dynamic was applied to Asian Lois, that feels like a definitive love story waiting to happen.

The classic two person love triangle with Clark and Lois is that Lois loves Superman and is indifferent to Clark Kent. She thinks Superman is this ideal macho man and Clark is a cowardly fumbling guy at work who rivals her. What happens when you take that dynamic and made it so Lois identified with Superman- the more othering identity? How complicated would that make Clark Kent feel? How would he navigate that when his marginalization isn't always visible? That's a whole new depth to the love triangle we're not used to seeing. I feel so far, none of these versions of Lois have touched upon this potential dynamic. The perpetual foreigner, Lois Lane and the ultimate alien foreigner that is Superman. The jaded city girl meets the alien farm boy who gives her hope. They inspire each other to be more of themselves in a world not ready to accept either of them.

Up next, we'll be discussing My Adventures with Superman's Korean Lois Lane in pt 2. It's well. You can probably guess how I feel about it from what I wrote here but welp. We'll talk about it.

#ramblings #media criticism #lois lane #once again please be nice!!#i have many many feelings about asian lois lane so i may as well write it down and share it with you #jesncin talks maws #(a little bit anyway! like a precursor)#jesncin dc meta

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eternal-echoes · 7 months ago

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The poll

I don't think it's just that; I think more and more people are realizing that every child deserves a mother and a father and legalizing gay marriage deliberately deprives a kid of one of them. Orphans and children of single parents always long for their missing parents.

While there are unfortunate circumstances like death of a parent or divorcing an abusive spouse that makes it inevitable, ultimately since children are made through the biological union of a man and woman, their spiritual relationship with them should be preserved.

Since we're not just a material being, we're also of both body and soul. Not Cartesian dualism but Hylomorphism where the union of body and soul makes one nature.

The only two ways a gay couple can have a baby is either through surrogacy and/or adoption. Along with its ethical concerns with buying a baby, a gay couple taking a newly born baby from his/her mother is depriving that child with the much needed bonding time with the mother (i.e. breastfeeding, cuddling, etc). It's illegal to sell a puppy within 8 weeks of birth because it would be too cruel to separate it from its mother,* then how much more devastating would it be when it comes to a human child? And a child's need for a mother doesn't stop when he/she no longer needs to be breastfed, the mother is essential for the child's emotional maturity as well.

Here is a video of Ryan T. Anderson back in 2014. I'll highlight some important points but the whole video is really good.

youtube

Marriage exists to unite a man and a woman as husband and wife to then be equipped to be mother and father to any children that that union produces. It's based on the biological fact that men and women are distinct and complementary, it's based on the anthropological truth that reproduction requires a man and a woman, it's based on the social reality that children deserve a mother and a father. ... Marriage is the institution that different cultures and societies, across time and place, developed to maximize the likelihood that that man commits to that woman, and then the two of them take responsibility to raise that child. Part of this is based on the reality: there's no such thing as parenting in the abstract; there's mothering and there's fathering. Men and women bring different gifts to the parenting enterprise. Rutgers sociologist professor David Popenoe writes, "The burden of social science evidence supports the idea that gender differentiating parenting is important for human development and the contribution of fathers to childrearing is unique and irreplaceable." He then concludes, "we should disavow the notion that mommies can make good daddies, just as we should disavow the popular notion that daddies can make good mommies. The two sexes are different to the core and each is necessary, culturally and biologically for the optimal development of a human being." ... The impact of marriage. So why does marriage matter for public policy? Perhaps there's no better way to analyze this than looking to our own president, President Barrack Obama: "We know the statistics that children who grow up without a father are five times more likely to live in poverty and commit crime, nine times more likely to drop out of schools, and 20 times more likely to end up in prison. They're more likely to have behavioral problems or run away from home, or become teenage parents themselves. And the foundation of our community are weaker because of it." ... President Obama sums it up very well: what we've seen in the past 50 years since the War on Poverty began, is that the family has collapsed. At one point in America virtually every child was given the gift of a married mother and father, those numbers right now: it's more than 50% of Hispanics children are born outside of wedlock, more than 70% of African Americans are born outside of wedlock. And the consequences for those children are really serious. The State's interest in marriage is not that it cares about my love life, or your love life, or anyone's love life just for the sake of romance. The State's interest in marriage is ensuring that those kids have fathers who are involved in their lives. ... If the biggest social problem we face right now in the United States is absentee dads, how will we insist that fathers are essential when the law redefines marriage to make fathers optional? ... Think about the social consequences if that's the direction the slippery slope in which marriage redefinition would go. For every additional sexual partner I have, and for the shorter lived those relationships are, the greater the chances that I create children with multiple women, without commitment with either to those mothers or to those kids. It increases the likelihood of creating fragmented families and then big government will step in to pick up the pieces with a host of welfare programs that truly drain the economic prospects of all of our states. ... So for all those reasons this is why the State and all states have an interest in preserving the definition of marriage as a union, permanent and exclusive of a man and a woman.

Also an article supporting some of Ryan T. Anderson's points:

It’s worse to be raised by a single mother, even if you’re not poor.

The reason for this is that fathers tend to be the disciplinarian in the family. They provide the moral framework in his children's lives.

Reminder that even though the Catholic Church does not support gay marriage, it doesn't mean that she hates gay people. There is a ministry called Courage International where people with same-sex attractions are encourage to live chaste and holy lives.

*Original wording taken from here.

#gay marriage #parenting #text #lgbt #ryan t. anderson

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sugar-grigri · 1 year ago

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Yes, see Swordman announces that certainly the other "hybrids" including Reze are alive, but his presence raises more questions than it answers. Even if I'd like to see the way this chapter is cut, i.e. in three parts, already an element of answer.

The first part was a little confusing and contradictory, with the new bodyguard Fumiko, appointed by Yoshida to watch over and "protect Denji". But what really stands out for me is the line "you're the one and only Chainsaw Man!".

It's an answer that's already important, as it fits into a context in which Denji is increasingly stripped of his own identity as CSM, whether because of this impostor who represents the church, the church itself, the fans or the detractors. I had already analyzed the fact that CSM had become a collective essence rather than an individual identity. So to tell Denji YOU are Chainsaw Man is to give him back the link he has with himself.

But this line would be interesting in another context, and here we're getting into pure theory and personal speculation. To explain, let's break the chapter down into three parts. First, Denji and his relationship with Chainsaw Man, as we've just seen. Then, Asa, who is beginning to come to terms (positively) with her own popularity as the new heroine. And finally, Swordman, who appears at the end of the chapter and introduces himself as such.

My theory came from a single question: why did you present the chapter in this way? Why the ellipsis with Asa? Then continue with Swordman? I mean, Fujimoto did decide to bring these three elements together in a single chapter, so they must necessarily have some as-yet ungraspable narrative link.

I've been thinking about it, and there's a lot of mystery surrounding the "hybrids". We don't even know what they're called, since their names have been erased by Pochita, according to Makima. Which means that they represent a very special concept that Fujimoto intends to exploit. A concept surely more complicated than a human fused with a demon.

I've been thinking about this, and two main theories come to mind when I put together what little we know about them. Hybrids are immortal, or more precisely, they can be resurrected as long as they are given enough blood. There's something vampiric about that. Vampire in the sense that they're human-looking demons who need blood, literally. Another theory is more contextual, and that's the one I'm going to bring out today.

Have you noticed that all hybrid demons represent weapons, machines. Never a fear of a broad concept like the demons of the apocalypse, or of an animal like Beam, or stemming from natural reflexes like the fear of blood and the fear of falling?

My theory is that they are deeply artificial demons. This was more or less confirmed with Reze, who was a laboratory rat for the USSR, or Katanaman, who became what he is thanks to Akane Sawatari. What's more, hybrids are always more or less connected with the state, Reze with Russia, Quanxi with China, or Denji, whose public hunters are trying to get their hands on him.

I can't speculate any further, but the only thing I'm sure of is that "hybrids" have something to do with the evolution of the world. And when I mean "evolution of the world", I mean technological evolution, particularly of weapons.

Which brings me to my theory about chapter 138. There was always something I found unexploited about Chainsaw Man. Exploiting the relationship between mankind and demons, but in a different era, in the past.

When we return to the chapter, Denji and Chainsaw Man represent the heroes of the present, who threaten to be eclipsed by a new heroine, Asa, associated with the demon of war. Yoru would represent the future, which is why for me she refers so much to nuclear weapons, which remain the most advanced and dangerous weapon at the moment (along with hydrogen bombs, but you get the idea). Swordman, on the other hand, may represent the past, a hero from the past. I mean, people in the past weren't afraid of chainsaws or bombs, they were afraid of swords and crossbows.

Imagine how old immortal beings could be, representing traditional, ancient weapons? I think it's Quanxi aka the first devil hunter, or Swordman.

With this context, what Swordman says resonates even more, doesn't it? Who knows better the feeling of being forgotten than a hero of the past like Swordman? Hybrids are doomed to feel this sense of obsolescence.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think Swordman knows anything about this. He may have a few points from his past still fresh in his mind, but having been brainwashed by Makima, his memories are surely muddled. The fact remains that this link with the past and technological evolutions: hybrid demons are still those who have a direct relationship with the state and governments.

An important point, given that the Japanese government is the main antagonist in this story.

#chainsaw man #csm part 2 #csm spoilers #csm 138 #denji #quanxi #asa #asa mitaka #swordman #katanaman #makima #my thoughts

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byunpum · 2 years ago

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Experiment 56 [part 3]

Neteyam x Human reader ( like a mix of human and Navi )

and sullyFAM x human reader, spider x reader , and quaritch x reader (dont blame me )

Tw: mmm neteyam baby, reader being mutant, neytiri being a sweetheart-mother, jealousy, a little 18+ but a little, all the characters are aged up 20's.

POV: Y/N is surprised that it is an indispensable piece for the human race. Her family will do everything possible to keep her hidden and safe…

Experiment 56 masterlist | Experiment 56 sequel Masterlist

Note: I got a little carried away with the pov. So the reading is a little long. But I hope you enjoy it, I already have the other parts in my head. I know you're going to love it, thanks again to all of you. From now on I warn you that I am not very expert in this Navi culture, but I did my best. And I'll be using events that happened in the movie, but they won't be exactly the same. And sorry for the spelling. English is not my mother tongue.

"Ok, we're all awake now" Jake said, "no, loak is left, he went out to do something" kiri said as she braided your hair. "Well, I'll go get him" Jake came out of the hut. Neytiri came over to you and took your hands to see how your wounds are." How are they feeling? How do you feel? better?" said Neytiri as she also checked the bandages on your ankles. "I'm fine, mom." Neytiri looked at you and laughed a little.

You didn't usually call her mama, but when you did her heart would grow with joy. She didn't understand how she had become so fond of you. She thought it was because you had Navi blood, and that was the reason you were closer to her, but no, it was something else. She loved you as her daughter. It was like that time you were in the lab, you were about 5 years old, and you were in Jake's arms while Norm was taking blood samples. Jake looked up something on the computer, and put on a video of him when he was human. y/n stared at the screen, and then looked at Jake, "Did you see who's there? That's me, daddy." y/n looked at Jake "but you're pink and now you're blue" . Neytiri laughed a little, she was admiring the scene. Y/N was the baby she and jake would have had, if jake was still human. She fantasized about that idea. And if y/n was a gift from eywa, she was grateful for it. Because you were such a well-behaved, kind, strong child. Very strong.

"It's ready," kiri said as she continued to fix your hair. "I think the beads neteyam gave you, they look good "you looked at kiri with a withering look." Which beads?" asked neytiri while looking at your hair. "Yes, neteyam gave me some to put in my hair." Neytiri analyzed your expressions, "well… they look good on you." She shifted her gaze and got up to prepare breakfast.

"Kiriiiiiiii why did you say that?" you whispered to kiri while tapping her on the shoulder." Hey, I think it's cute…that coordinating outfits thing" she giggles at you, while still playing with her. You and kiri were so close. You said you were almost twins, since you gave them away on the same day to your parents. And they were the product of strange circumstances.

"Yes, but no one must know. You know… what mom and DAD will think. I don't want to imagine what dad will say, he's going to bury me alive and then you guys for covering up this secret." You look at kiri with worried. "hey…take it easy. Yeah, we grew up together and all. But we all know you and neteyam like each other…the looks and all. Trust me, I think dad knows something. Besides, neteyam was your first kiss." You turn completely around to look at kiri "kiri…we were 10 years old and it wasn't neteyam….it was spider." Kiri couldn't hold in her laughter. "ahhhh I remember now, it was a challenge. But neteyam kissed you later and ran off." You guys kept laughing until jake came in with loak.

"Ok, together everyone" You all settled in a circle and turned your attention to jake. "Family, you know what happened yesterday…the attack there was towards y/n." you lowered your head, you were trying to forget what happened. "Your mother and I talked and thought about going somewhere else." kiri stood up upset." what????" you tried to take kiri's hand." Hey, this is going to get worse… they want y/n. And then they'll go after all of us. This is for the best" jake took neytiri's hand "guys, it's the right thing to do" neytiri affirmed squeezing her partner's hand. Kiri didn't like the idea and left the pot in anger. Behind her were loak and tuk, these two were not upset by the idea, but went to look for their sister.

You were silent "dad?" Jake looked at you "yes, y/n" you took a deep breath "what about spider?" neteyam looked at you, while jake adjusted "honey, he's got…" "he'll stay here and that's it" said neytiri somewhat annoyed. You knew she didn't tolerate spider, but you still loved him so much. "But they're going to look for him. …. They know he knows me, he knows us. He must go with us. They can hurt him" neteyam stood up in discomfort and came up for air. Here you were again, worrying about spider, thought neteyam.

"Y/N, he will be fine. I promise", jake put a hand on your shoulder " no, please daddy…. He has to go with us. Please" jake looked you in the eyes, he knows how important he was to you spider. He knows his children love that monkey-human. "ok, that's fine he will come with us". "What do you say? No." Neytiri is upset. " Any clan we go to, they're going to reject us. And it's going to be his fault" you stood up and looked at neytiri "then they're not going to accept me either, mom look at me… I'm a human, a fucking demon. An experiment. A fucking human, with a navi tail. I'm sure they'll judge me more than the spider himself. We can't just leave him here." Neytiri looks at you with teary eyes, you just called yourself a demon. No, to her you were not a demon. "come here" neytiri hugged you " don't ever say that again… you are my precious girl". You hugged neytiri tighter, the woman looked at her mate and ascended with her head." It's okay, spider will accompany us." Neytiri looked at you, she saw your face light up. "thank you, thank you!!!" You ran off to break the news to kiri and the others.

"This is a disaster, How she knows it's an experiment. Besides, taking that kid…. I don't like Ma jake" neytiri moved closer to jake as he pulled her arms around her. "We'll be fine, I promise."

Kiri was with spider, loak and tuk. They were discussing the idea that jake had said. Kiri couldn't believe it, she loved her home. And leaving meant leaving everyone, leaving spider. Kiri looked up, when she saw you running, she had to laugh a little. You almost fell to the ground, you were funny when you ran. "Guys I have very good news" you go and hug spider. "what's wrong?" spider hugs you back as he puts his hands on your waist "ahhhh I'm so happy" you start jumping up and down, making spider copy your steps. Tuk joins you "what happened?" kiri asks, making you look at her." Spider is going with us, of course…if he wants to" You look at spider, the boy's eyes widened. "Is it serious?" Kiri couldn't believe it. She hugged spider. "Sure…but how?" spider couldn't believe what you were saying." Well…I have my charms" you say as you grimace, "sure, manipulative" said loak, as he pushed you to the side, so he could hug spider." Come here bro, I told you we would all be together" loak pulled you all closer in a big hug. "where's neteyam?" asked tuk. He was right, he was nowhere to be found. Oh no, you knew where he was and how he was. "Hey, why don't you tell norm and the guys everything while I go look for neteyam" Before you left, spider held your hand, looked you in the eye and rubbed his thumb over your hand. Your heart skipped a beat, you must admit that you and spider had a history, before you liked neteyam. Spider was your first crush. Loak and kiri looked into each other's eyes and tuk made a disgusted face. "well, you come or not" kiri said, as she dragged everyone with her.

You got to the soul tree, you knew neteyam was going to be there. And boom…you were right. He was sitting, while his queue was connected to eywa. He was praying. You sat next to him, and waited for him to finish. When he noticed your presence, he opened one eye and then ignored you. He just did that, you said to yourself." If you don't talk to me, I won't leave. And you know it" neteyam moved away from the eywa branches and settled down next to you. "Why do you always worry about him?" you couldn't believe what you just heard." Excuse me… are you talking about spider?" neteyam complained and you saw his face change color. "hey, don't be like that with me. Spider is part of the family. We can't leave him here" you take his hand "I know, but have you ever asked me how I feel? The first thing that popped into your head was to ask if…he can go with us." Wow, neteyam was right. You were always worried about spider, ever since you were kids. That was the reason why at 12 years old you had a crush on him, but when you confessed spider said you were "weird and ugly". Which caused neteyam to fight with him, loak to tell his mom and neytiri to try to drown him in the nearest river. Thank goodness Jake, everything was under control. After that, you became disillusioned. It wasn't until, at the age of 19, neteyam confessed that he loved you.

"sorry, yes. forgive me for not asking for you" neteyam settled in front of you, and took your face in his hands. "don't apologize to me, you know I don't like it when you do that." You lifted your heels and gave him a kiss. His lips were soft and warm. Neteyam slid his hands down to your waist, to pull you up onto his lap. Your hands tangled in his hair, as the kiss grew hotter. The kisses were messy, as neteyam kissed his way down your jaw to your neck. A gasp came out of your mouth, as neteyam pulled you closer to his body. Shit, you never went this far before. " neyet…" you sighed when you noticed how needy he was " that's not…mmm" you looked down at his crotch. "I'm sorry, I can't contr…" you interrupted him kissing him again. You two were so wrapped up in your make up section. That you didn't hear loak.

"ahhhhhhhhhh YUCK, NO NO NO NO. Ahhhhhhh" Loak yelled, you and neteyam separated quickly, trying to fix yourselves up a little. "you idiot, you need to learn how to call people" neteyam, turned his back to his brother, while trying to hide his recent erection. "hey, I'm not the one running around fucking in a PUBLIC area. You heard Public" Loak was yelling at his brother, until you hit him. "Shut up already, and don't you dare say anything." You threatened him, "I already knew you two were together, I'm not stupid. Plus, kiri, she's not that good at keeping secrets." You looked at him in shook, oh no. Why kiri had to open her mouth. "what do you want? what are you looking for us for?" neteyam asks, "dad, he says to pack up everything, we have to leave before sunset." Neteyam takes your hand, as you all start walking towards the shelter.

"You and I need to talk miss… I'm your best friend!!!! Why am I the last one to find out that you and neteyam are together. You know you're hurting me." I said loak, while still walking. "don't ignore me!!!!!" you and loak continue your discussion all the way to the shelter. Neteyam just ignores them.

AREA 12, northeast of pandora:

Quaritch sat staring at a fixed point in the lunchroom area, while his teammates laughed and talked about god knows what. In his head there was only one thing… you. How could such a beautiful woman, be the mix of a species that, to his taste, was unpleasant. Well not unpleasant, because now his body was the same. But he didn't find it attractive. "Hey…you're still thinking about that girl, aren't you?" said Lyle as he tapped his arm. "I'm just thinking how she could have gotten away from us" Quaritch shifted his gaze." Yeah, yeah…" Lyle giggled a little. "And did you notice that human boy?" commented Lyle, he looks like your son….miles" Lyle looked at Quaritch waiting for an answer." Yes, he does" There was a short silence until Lyle spoke, "do you think he's that girl's mate? He looked a little worried when John tried to touch her." Quaritch complained "that idiot…he doesn't know how to keep his fucking dick tucked away…. But I don't think boy is the mate. I think it's the blue monkey." Quaritch looked at each other as they analyzed the situation." Lucky guy…she's very pretty." Lyle said "hey…watch out." "I knew it…I knew it!!!!" Lyle got up from the chair and walked towards the exit as he teased Quaritch. "Knew what???" he yelled back…what did Lyle know.

After the saying goodbye to the clan and jake passing his toruk makto position. You all went to the area where the ikran were, all the family belongings were packed. Neytiri was checking that everyone was ready, putting on some kind of tunic, for the cold and wind. When it was almost spider's turn, she handed you the tunic "go and put this on him." Said neytiri as she looked at the poor boy out of the corner of her eye. You approached spider," look, this will keep you warm and safe" you place the tunic over his head, neteyam was next to loak talking about something until he saw the scene in front of him, "watch out… he might take your girlfriend away" said loak, causing neteyam to punch him in the stomach.

"hey, you two stop!!!! family are we ready? let's go!!!" announced jake, already getting into his ikran. Neteyam walked towards you, and took your hand walking towards his ikran. You had to go with someone, because even though you can use your queue, the ikran was too big a beast for you, so you had to share it with Neteyam. Spider noticed neteyam's look and lowered his head and walked over to kiri. "I feel that neteyam wants to murder me," says spider as he settles in behind kiri in her ikran, "don't mind him, he must be upset. After all… this is a big change for everyone" kiri tries to comfort spider. Everyone left, you sat right in front of neteyam, your back was against his chest. And he already had a hand on your waist. "hey…. Hands to the front" chuckled jake to neteyam as he noticed the position you two were in. You heard tuk giggling next to you, when you turned to look, you noticed neytiri was watching you too. Damn…this was going to be a long ride.

p.s:What do you think? Did you like it… Between today or tomorrow I will be uploading the fourth part. And remember the tag list is open. Just let me know. Kisses! <3

Neytiri babies tag: @st4rrry @valeriinee @inutheangel @gielrmn @sloppierjewel @purple7theparty @itscheybaby @ssc7514 @namorslit @ducks118 @tpwkstiles @elli-aesthetics @nao-cchi @uselessbutinteresting @msjae @austynparksandpizza @gamorxa @andyyy4444 @itssomeonereading @meivap @barbii04 @mm-nope @dorck26 @nessrin @purple7theparty @ssc7514 @sloppierjewel @yeosxxx @legendleopard100 @pandoragalora @jayzes-blog @ducks118 @laylasbunbunny @kyriekurokami @heesoftiefreak @teamanime

If there is any problem with the tags, let me know. Soon I will make a post with all the parts.

#avatar the way of water #avatar 2022 #avatar x reader #avatar x you #avatar x y/n #neteyam sully #neteyam #neteyam x reader #neteyam x you #neteyam x y/n #neteyam x human reader #neteyam x fem reader #neteyam x mate reader #neteyam imagine #human reader #human y/n #female reader #female y/n

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manicpixiedreamedwins · 6 months ago

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Alright. I've been talking about writing a meta about Charles and jealousy for a while, so here it is. It's a mess. I tried to make it more concise than it was, if you can believe that.

Be forewarned, below the cut we'll be diving into some canon compliant content like Charles' home life. Please, please, please note that now is the time to leave if you are not in a good space to read about those.

Okay. First I want to establish a few things before I get to analyzing the scenes, because I think it is important that we have empathy for Charles here. This might be a bit of a long preamble, but if you could stay with me I'd appreciate it. I promise I am going somewhere with all of this.

I think a lot of us have been told, perhaps by a parent or a friend, that jealousy is unbecoming or bad. Think about it. I know growing up that is a message I heard frequently even though I saw adults exhibit it. This was actually pretty confusing to try and work out. Anyway, now with this almost puritanical obsession with good pure and healthy relationships in media, it's gotten worse. We're told any human flaw we have is something we have to fix or we are not deserving of love. Yes, including jealousy.

Only if that's the case, Charles is fighting uphill here. Here's why:

For reference 41:30 -42:00 in episode 4 is the flashback that The Night Nurse shows Charles of his home. If we unpack this we can learn a lot of things, but there are two that I would like two draw your attention to today:

Charles' dad clearly isn't someone Charles could form a secure attachment to. He seems to only be acknowledging Charles when he's angry, and only acknowledging him in a very violent manner. He's also not really communicating with him, and expecting Charles to know what he's upset about I guess? Truly, this man is terrifying. He knows his family is afraid of him, and he knows they'll scramble to try and fix whatever his issue is.

Charles' mom doesn't intervene. Now, I do not want to hear any vile junk in my notes. She's a battered woman and has probably been in the same position that Charles has, considering Charles himself is worried about her once he is dead. He's worried enough that he checks in on her every week. It makes it all the more heartbreaking that Charles is the one who has taken it upon himself to try and "make it better" (although this is not uncommon among kids who grow up in abusive households, alarmingly).

It definitely drives home that there is a clear hierarchy in the home (everyone tries to please the most volatile person), and you're at the bottom of the pyramid. Even if it's just because you and everyone else in the household is too terrified to do anything about the most abusive person's behavior, you still feel the weight of never being put first. You will never be put first, because how could you be? "You never made it better than you died" (via The Night Nurse) holds a crushing amount of meaning here.

Alright. Now we have established that Charles had some messed up stuff happen at home. Let's take that a step further. Adverse childhood experiences can lead to a variety of attachment styles that are not secure and... you guessed it, jealousy can get thrown in the mix. (This link leads to an abstract of a very interesting research article. If you request the full test directly from the researcher they will provide it for free, but it takes time. The basic idea here is that if kids aren’t able to form secure attachments to their parents, then they will struggle to feel secure in their relationships as they grow up. Sometimes that can manifest as jealousy).

Still with me after all of that? You are god's strongest soldier, lmao. Now let's get into the good stuff.

Charles dies, but there in the attic he meets Edwin. Charles chooses Edwin over the blue light without a second thought. He comforted him when he was dying, and that tenderness is foreign for Charles. The choice is an easy one.

He enjoyed it, and he enjoys Edwin. Edwin, in turn, turns out to be is someone who unequivocally, continuously, puts Charles first. He also does something really important- Charles seeks reassurance, and Edwin gives it ("You ever think, what if Death did catch us? She'd force us to go to the afterlife and split up" Charles asks. "I will make sure that never happens" Edwin answers, all while they're hanging on the side of their office). This is one of the first things we learn about them in the pilot. Charles knows he can count on Edwin. This wasn't something he had from anyone in life.

So things go fine for Charles for a long while. Edwin hasn't given him any reason to feel insecure in all that time it seems. He’s done a great job making Charles feel safe. Charles even feels secure enough that it is his idea to try and integrate Crystal into the agency, although Edwin clearly hates it. Crystal isn’t a threat to his friendship with Edwin, so it would appear Charles still feels reasonably secure in their relationship at this point.

Charles even explains or excuses a lot of Edwin's reactions to try and smooth things over. He tries to mediate between them during their first plan to rescue Becky from Esther's house the best he can. He allows Edwin to have a leg of the case with just the two of them, but he tries to frame it as protecting Crystal.

But then it's Edwin's turn to shake up the foundation that their relationship is built on.

Edwin had a lot of issues to attend to this season, and he tried to deal with most of them alone. Most of the problems Edwin had to handle put definite distance between him and Charles- how couldn't they? He was being hit on, which was a very new experience for him. He probably didn't even know how to talk about that at first, as evidenced by his description of the CK speaking closely to his ear (oh sweet summer child). He also learned about his feelings for the first time, which Monty had to finish spelling out for him.

This all, however, is where we see a shift in the dynamic. It's significant.

Edwin uses magic on a cat and has to go and meet with the Cat King. Whoops. 🙃 Charles slides easily into his role as a protector, but… Edwin stops him.

Honestly, Edwin had a good reason to do this. He pointed out that cat scratches can cause serious harm to ghosts, and they were surrounded. As endearing as this was, this wouldn’t have been an easy fight. They can just talk this out, right? He gets whisked away for a few minutes to do that (and then winds up opening a bigger can of worms).

From Charles’ perspective though, Edwin doesn’t allow him to help him, and then vanishes for a long period of time. Then he absolutely won’t tell him anything about it when he does come back. Charles knew Edwin was a little mad at him in the pilot, but they were still communicating for the most part. The secrecy is a shift, and it’s not one he’s coping well with. He tries a few different ways to reconnect.

First he tries gentle. He just asks what happened from a place of concern. This might have worked actually, only I’m not even sure Edwin knows how to fully describe what happened during their encounter. He rushes through a description, and Charles still feels like something is missing. He doesn’t like that someone else has a secret with Edwin— for thirty years they’ve been connected. This feels frightening to him, and Edwin doesn’t seem particularly worried that they’re not on the same page.

He tries to pick the conversation back up later when they’re searching for the dandelion shrine, but Edwin doesn’t give any additional information. So he slides back into his role of being a protector again and defends him against the ambient skeletons, because at least he can protect him from that easily. For a moment, things almost seem normal again, but this resurfaces in a later case.

Edwin meets with CK again in episode 4. Charles is still raw after the events of the Devlin House, and now he’s just pissed. He’s hurting, and Edwin is still keeping this weird secret. They end up bickering back and forth. The bickering tells us something interesting about Charles’ concerns.

Charles: What did he want? He didn't whisk you away again? Got that bracelet off?

Edwin: I'd be back at the office right now if the bracelet was off. He wanted to know if I counted the cats, and my guess was unsatisfactory.

Charles: Thinks he can come and go... He can't show up in the middle of cases. Did you tell him that?

Edwin: Matter of fact, I did.

Charles: Can't believe you didn't tell us. I've had enough of secrets about that wankеr.

Edwin: Why are you getting so angry?

What stands out to me here is Charles is upset about a few things: he hates that Edwin is getting taken away from him by a being they can’t control (a logical fear, considering they’re running from death together). He hates that this is happening in the middle of case time that is supposed to be for him and Edwin (and their friends, who Charles trusts). He is still really upset that Edwin has a secret with someone else (I really don’t think he’d be bothered if the secret was with him).

That’s why he’s upset. Charles isn’t feeling secure. He doesn’t feel like their relationship is on good footing right now. Whether or not he knows how to phrase that or ask for support is a different question.

Onto Monty (sorry these are a bit out of order— I put them by character for this part).

Charles wasn’t aware of Monty. This probably already bothered him a little, considering the mystery surrounding the cat king, but he tried to be a good sport. Monty wasn’t outwardly threatening. He came with gifts. He seemed friendly. Charles tried to match that… only to get snubbed. Ouch.

Charles likes to claim he’s aces with other people, but he ultimately died because his friends turned on him and killed him the second he stood up for what was important to him. I think peer relationships are a particularly sticky situation for him. I think he knew how to fit in the same way he knew how not to rock the boat in a volatile home. With Edwin it was different though— Edwin just liked him. Edwin was special.

But of course yet another boy their age doesn’t like him (probably a little upsetting, considering how he died). The only thing that’s confusing to him here is he didn’t really do anything wrong— he was polite. He followed along with all the little niceties people do, even when they don’t want to. Maybe this wouldn’t have bothered him so much in another situation, but now Edwin is wrapped up with him instead of Charles. He's picked him instead (in Charles' mind).

He can’t even shake this when Monty isn’t there.

Charles tries to get Edwin's attention... and fails. so he begins to have a conversation with himself. Perhaps he was trying to make Edwin laugh. Perhaps he was trying something over the top. Still, he fails. Ultimately, he goes the broken record route and asks him the same question a couple of times.

This moment probably really hurt- there's actually no reason for Edwin to be ignoring him, in Charles' mind anyway. They're alone together. Usually they'd be talking or bantering or at least Charles would be able to get Edwin's attention. It's just that he can't, because now Edwin is stuck on that fucking book from that fucking bloke who blew him off earlier.

This was probably a little activating for Charles. Even if he didn't completely put together why it upset him, Edwin putting someone who just treated him poorly right in front of his face first is a dim reflection of what he went through in his home. Now, I am not saying Monty is anywhere near that level of bad- he's a literal cream puff. He could not kill them when his life depended on it.

What I am saying, though, that Charles perceives a subtle threat here. He's also not sure what to do with it, because he never overcame that hurtle in life. No one else ever put him first, and he never figured out how to fix that. Edwin kind of just centered Charles automatically when they met. Now he's not doing that anymore and it’s jarring and uncomfortable for him. He’s feeling this loss of stability, on top of the fact that Edwin still won’t tell him what’s going on with the CK.

"...try not to forget that we're trying to leave" is what Charles comes up with after that exchange. Edwin makes an attempt to console him finally and offers to talk, but Charles shuts it down and tells him it's that he wants to leave town. They start on a case after that.

(Note that I did this a little out of order for organization’s sake— some of their CK arguing happened during the case they went on next).

Charles does finally catch a break here. In spite of all of this, he’s missing something very important: Edwin has feelings for him. That’s probably the most pressing issue that’s gone unspoken between them.

So Edwin dresses nicely, catches Charles attention, and finally tries to initiate a conversation. Charles seems relieved.

He does assume Edwin is just trying to come out by telling him about his time with Monty, before the teethface incident. Charles isn’t bothered, since Monty isn’t really in the picture anymore as far as he’s concerned. Things are fine, it’s just the two of them again and Edwin likes boys. Wait…

... Fuck. Forgot about the Cat King.

He resorts to threatening the CK. I know lots of people have lots of different theories on this, but consider this perspective also: Monty is no longer a threat. He’s abstract. He’s a memory. The Cat King is still very real and is a thing that can come between them, has done so, and has successfully taken Edwin from him. And as accepting as Charles was trying to be in that moment, he just can't handle that (from the perspective of this meta).

Anyway, this is all interrupted by their foray into hell. Charles does rescue Edwin, Edwin confesses, and honestly I feel like that just needs to be a different thing entirely but I did type a little bit about how I think Charles interpreted all of that here.

They return. Charles is processing Edwin's confession on the roof. This whole scene mystifies me a little because yes, he didn't seem to know exactly what to say to Edwin's confession in hell (I think he did not want to ruin it by saying the wrong thing). The more rewatches I go through the more... satisfied he looks to me? He might be processing, but also he might be a little giddy that Edwin has feelings for him specifically. I'm still trying to figure out how to read this one because the lines seemed rushed but the microexpressions say so much.

Then he starts blatantly flirting with Edwin. Honestly Charles, what the fuck?(afffectionate) Truly I’m still trying to work out if he’s just testing out how Edwin reacts or if he is working through his own feelings here, but I really want more of this in S2.

That’s about all the thoughts I think I can organize on this for now without it getting obscenely long (it already is pretty long for a half baked idea that turned into a meta). Thank you for reading 🖤

#Charles Rowland #meta #dead boy detectives #cw domestic violence #canon event Charles' home life #payneland #meta is slanted that way #I can no longer think of how to revise this so here it is #Jealous Charles Rowland #My posts #Fixed some small typos because some of this was done at 3 am whoops

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