#but we're going to recommend you either eat more of them or cut them out to try lose weight anyway. based on the vibes.'

[electriceyespots]

the way society thinks about weight is so fucked. the fundamental assumption of so much of the societal body image, ie that losing weight is both desirable and achievable (with just a little more work a little more guilt a little less food), is so incorrect that it feels like a sick joke. we structured our beauty standards, our food, and even our goddamn medical system around something that's not actually possible for almost anyone and then made everyone feel like it was personally their fault

[a-new-romantic]

paris ♡ (azriel x reader)

a/n: heavily, heavily inspired by paris by taylor swift. lyric for lyric, in fact. IF YOU HATE IT, DON'T READ IT! i love taylor swift, her music is my inspiration.

summary:

azriel lounged in the living room at the house of wind, shadows resting beside him as he flicked through a book the house had recommended to him. the sun shone softly on him as he hummed quietly as he drunk in the words, captured by the story.

his peace was suddenly ruined as cassian came bursting through the double doors, closing the book azriel was holding and placing it down on the table.

"AZ! did you hear?" he asked hurriedly, as if the news couldn't wait.

"what?" azriel replied back, calmly as if he already knew what cassian was on about.

"your ex friend's met someone at a club, and he kissed her!" cassian began.

azriel nodded, his mind already wandering off, away from the gossip that cassian was spewing and towards you. thoughts of you reading, sleeping, eating, anything really. he is utterly in love with you.

"turns out, it was that guy you hooked up with AGES ago! some inner circle wannabe," cassian continued, eyebrows shooting up to emphasize the absurdity of the situation.

azriel did nothing but stare blankly at cassian, a short "mhm," escaping him.

"nesta even said that their outfits were terrible, 100 years ago unbearable," cassian stated, no room to disagree.

azriel opened his mouth to respond, before he felt that familiar bond tug in his chest, and feelings of need flowed in from you. you were in your home and you wanted to be with him as you cooked dinner for that.

"did you see them? i'm sure rhysand can show you, let me get him-" cassian started, interrupted by azriel not shortly after.

"no i didn't, but thanks though." he stated, rushing out of the room to fly off on the balcony towards velaris.

cassian stared at the retreating form of his brother. "what the hell?" he said outloud before he too left the living room.

-----

"where have you been azriel? we've been worried sick about you. you've been taking more breaks from spy work than usual-" feyre asked, wanting to know the reasoning behind azriel's seeming detachment.

"yeah, have we been giving you too much to do? i can cut back, brother,"rhysand assured him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

feyre nodded before continuing, "you've been missing important meetings and now you're telling me you just didn't know some of the biggest news regarding our social relationship with the autumn court? this isn't like you azriel. we're all really worried."

the whole inner circle stared at the interaction with wide eyes, nodding along to what the high lord and lady were saying.

azriel knew in that moment that there wasn't much else he could do. he had to tell his family about you. with a gentle tug sent down the bond, he began.

"i found my mate," he stated simply. everyone gasped in either joy, awe, or wonder.

"that's great, but why is it distracting you this much from the court?" rhysand asked, high lord as ever.

"please rhys," azriel pleaded, "like you never felt this with feyre? i'm so in love that i might stop breathing." he said breathlessly, as if even the thought of you took his breath away.

he turned to feyre and continued, "no i didn't hear the news, i was busy being in love."

"why didn't you tell us?" cassian asked, seemingly butthurt at the witheld information.

privacy sign on the door, on my page, and on the whole world.

"i think i wanted to keep this one to myself for the time being," azriel admitted. "after all, romance is not dead if you keep it just yours," he muttered.

he knew that he had to field his family's questions, have them meet you, and go through the formalities. but feeling you tug back on the bond was all he needed in that moment.

a/n: this sucks, i'm sorry.

[serxinns]

LoveFever~

Older! Yandere class 1a x reader

Summary: In which you have a fever and your caring and overbearing amazing pro heroes help you feel better!

Inspiration: @lady-ashfade (check out her newest fic it's so cool!)

"Seems like the cold got worse fuck..." you lie in your bed staring at the client your body felt heavy and your body feels like an oven but your room was usually cold you weakly raised your arm to where you can see it and waved it around slowly and rubbed your eyes your forehead, Shirt and hair was covered in sweat you felt like shit honestly but that's you had a job to do and that was heroism!

You got up careful to not do it quickly to cause more dizziness and dragged yourself to the bathroom you usually hate cold showers but your body was so hot you just needed one so you took a shower, it was unpleasant and discomforting even but it lowered your fever a little bit (author here and I recommend you to not take a cold shower while you have a fever please it could make it worse thank you) you dragged yourself into your closet and got out the spider suit you struggled to get it on you almost fell but managed to get it on you didn't care to make lunch like you usually do you'll just have to suck it up or just find a nearby cafe on your break

You wobbly stumbled down the steps holding on to the rails for dear life until you reached the door where Sero was about to knock "Hey bud! Your 30 minutes and-woah are you okay?.." Sero stopped to look at you his eyes filled with concerned "I-Its nothing Just a *Cough* *Cough* Cold" you said struggling to hold back your coughs zero didn't believe anything at all "Darling you have a fever and you're not taking it well at all you need rest!" "No! im fine I promise it's just a cold that's making me a bit dizzy and sweaty no biggie I've dealt with much worse this is just a pinch now let's go" You tried walking passed Sero but he blocked your doorway not moving a inch with a serious look on his face

"Y/n you're sick very sick it's my day off anyway I can take care of you" "No im *Sneezing* Fine! No *Coughs* weak virus is gonna make me *Coughs* stay home" You broke into coughing fits and that was when Sero had enough "Yep that's it you staying home" he began as he picked you up burial style ignoring your protests he took off your hero costume and tossing it to the side where all you have left was a t-shirt and some shorts he gently laid you down on your bed pulling the covers over you "comfy?" "Fuck you"

During his stay sero has taken extra care of you making sure you take your medication (He had to force your mouth open to take the nasty medicine cause u wouldn't budge but don't worry he gave you water) whenever you feel like throwing up he quickly grabs either the trash can or carries you to the bathroom to throw up while gently rubbing your back and cooing you he hates to admit it but seeing you weak and helpless makes the heart race he wants to be the one to take care of you like this to comfort you when you have days like these and baby you he knows your a very strong and dependable hero but he can't help but wonder what how dependable you might be for him

That was until he heard banging at the door he snapped out of his thoughts and grumbled to himself "I'll be right back make sure to eat your soup" You stuck your tongue out and gave him the middle finger which he chuckled when he opened the door he could see Ochako, Kirishima, Denki, sato, Iida, Izuku, shoto, and momo all standing there "Uh can I help y-" "Wheres y/n!" hakagure cut off his sentence he could tell that she was glaring at him but he didn't care "they're fine we're just having a hang out at his house now will you excuse me they said they just want ME to hang out with him" sero lied with a stern and serious tone "Oh yeah then why can't we see them then?" Ochako glared at him not taking Sero's bullshit zero was about to tell her off until fits of coughs were heard across the room everyone quickly ran past Sero and uninvitedly went into your room

They saw you with a bunch of tissues on the bed and a you trying to eat the soup "uh hey guys when did you get here"

Cue the drama

"Sick?! why didn't you tell us you were sick?!" momo said feeling your forehead with her hand and getting out her thermometer while Ochako was trying to get in your bed to cuddle you to make you feel better Kirishima was trying to make you drink his protein shake saying "It helped you get more manly" while seek was trying to urge them out saying you don't need this iida in the other hand was trying to control everyone and trying to calm down the situation but it's just creates more yelling

Sato was in your kitchen making you a "get well fever" cake in your kitchen, while Izuku was trying to look up recipes and house remedies to help you get better shoto was giving you ice pack after ice pack reassuring you that you'll be ok in his care, everyone was all over the place bickering at each other about what where they doing was wrong and what they were doing was for the best of your health and you were just getting tired of this that was when the small bickering turned into a whole argument

"They need me to take care of them you don't know what you're doing!" momo yelled out in union

"What do you mean you're the one trying to hog them not letting us know that they're sick!" hakagure argued back

"Oh please like you could do anything I bet I could make y/n better less then a day!"

"like you could do any My protein tea mixed with protein powder could make them all better in a minute!" kiri butted in

"You all need to stop fighting your gonna make them have a headache" iida said with his chopping motion

"Yea so inviting yourself in was a good idea?" shoto said

"You did the exact same thing shoto" izuku said while looking so done with everyone's shit

The arguing soon was rising making your headache worse so you crawled under the covers and buried your head under the pillows while arguing sero was 1st noticed this and realized enough was enough so he sneaked into your room while the others were arguing and quietly shut the door and locked it "Mi amor..?" he quietly said and seconds later your head slowly sprout up your nose stuffed up and your hair was messier then ever you looked so tired and miserable it broke his heart

"Mi Amor I am so sorry I shouldn't have been arguing like this in the 1st place I promise im gonna fix this ok?" too tired to even protest that it was his fault as well you just wanted the yelling to stop so you slowly nodded your head and he softly smiled, you point to your dresser where the pain pills were at and got some tissues from the bathroom in your room you took the pills and helped you blow your nose soon enough the pill made you drowsy and knocked you out pretty quick sero ruffled your hair and went out the room to handle some business

"SH" Sero whispered harshly as everyone stopped what they were doing "While you were bickering and arguing about who's better I helped them get to sleep and they ordered me to tell you to get out only but me" Everyone gawked at the statement and tried to argue again but quickly shut their mouth only realizing that your sleeping in the other room "but we need to go check on them they need-" "They don't need anyone help mochiko you all "helped" enough now it's time for you to leave you're happy to give them a get well gift but that's it" "And what makes you think we'll leave," izuku said glaring at the dark-haired boy he only shrugged "How about we all settle this in a fight ONLY outside" sero's grin grew wider while the others look at him and at each other "Deal whoever wins gets to take care of y/n for the rest of the day" Momo grinned confidently that she'll be able to win your heart and affection

And now a bunch of pro heroes are fighting in your front yard and you just peacefully sleeping with your favorite plush ochako gifted you

Nobody won the fight because Bakugo was sent there to stop a commotion at your neighbor so he was already worried and ready to kill anyone who dared to mess with you but all he sees is a bunch of pro heroes fighting on your front lawn needless to say they all got scolded and was harshly sent home by bakugo and when he heard you were sick as well?! Oh hell No! How could those pests fight over something so stupid when poor little you are suffering from a weak virus when everyone was sent home he went into your house and made sure to take care of you the PROPER way he fixed you some tea his mom made when he was sick as a kid and some of his famous chicken soup and waited for you to wake you up while he sat by your bed

but you had other plans when you thought his lap was pillows so you lazily crawled yourself over and slept on them he was flushed he wanted to shout and insult you to get up but he suddenly had an evil grin on his face and decided to take a picture with you laying down on his lap his fingers tangled between your hair and decided to post it on a secret group chat they still used today for crazy sheingains and gushing about you and let's say they were all PISSED

everyone was hurling insults at Bakugo making him laugh mina was jealous that she wasn't there to see you and take care of you Denki and Kirishima were whining calling Bakugo unfair and mean when behind the screen both were glaring jealously at their phones jirou and tsuyu was bit sad she couldn't come but was secretly cropping the photo with your sleeping face as their new wallpaper

Bonus: when you woke up bakugo demanded you to eat his soup to make you feel better and you were now spammed by worried-obsessed fans and angry and jealous Pro Hero 1a spamming your phone

[itsharleystuff]

↳ II. 𝘍𝘐𝘓𝘓 𝘛𝘏𝘌 𝘝𝘖𝘐𝘋

Read part one here.

— 𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: dbf!Joel Miller x afab!fem reader (no outbreak au).

— 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 10.6k (once again, I’m sorry)

— 𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: after your steamy encounter with Joel during your homecoming party, things between you have been stagnant. Although, fate seems to be on your side when both Sarah and your dad have to leave town for a short while.

— 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬/𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: 18+ content (minors dni!), sex, p in v sex, Joel hits it from behind, blowjobs, some teasing, a bit of spanking, pet names (darling, sweetheart, honey), unprotected sex (pls do not attempt), cum eating, taking nsfw photos, Joel tries to be dom but fails, age gap (reader is twenty four, Joel is late forties), reader is kind of a brat, fluff and feelings (yes, this is a warning), alcohol consumption, brief mention of family death. Barely edited, sorryyy. No use of y/n.

—A/N: this can be read as a stand-alone but I suggest reading the previous part for a better understanding. Btw, there’s a couple of Easter eggs from the game in this! Also— I tried making a moodboard and I’m not sure how I feel about it. I’ll probably stick to gifs in the future, lol.

“I like Indiana Jones," you babble, taking a sip from your coffee without looking at anyone in specific. "I was twelve and in love with Harrison Ford..."

"Okay, so that's one movie we're definitely not going to watch." Sarah chimes in, lazily chewing on her scrambled eggs. "How do you feel about Robert Pattinson?"

"That depends," you reply, moving your head side to side in a contemplative manner, "are we talking twilight or Harry Potter?"

You hear your dad snort on the other side of the table and see Joel chuckling beside him. Sarah crosses both arms over her chest and raises a brow at them. “What's so funny?"

"Nothing," your dad clears his throat and side-eyes his friend. "Just thought you two were a bit old for those crappy vampire movies. Maybe watch-"

"Forgive me, but I don't think it's a good idea to take recommendations from either of you," you cut him off, leaning back on your chair. "You're both obsessed with die hard, think The Godfather is incredibly complex and in your spare time watch construction programs. We'll be fine on our own."

"Touché..."

It's been three weeks since your homecoming party, and ever since then it has become a habit to have breakfast together every weekend. Today, Saturday, it was the Miller's turn to cook, which consequently had you and your father sitting at their table. As of now, you and Sarah were discussing your movie night, which had to be postponed due to her road-trip to San Antonio— apparently, she and her friend Ellie were going to visit some college campuses there.

It's also been three weeks since that little, hot encounter you and Joel had in your kitchen. And, contrary to your better judgement, both of you were more than eager to spend some extra time alone. Things since then had been uneasy, specially when being surrounded by others; always worried that someone might notice those stolen looks you'd share or sense the palpable tension that rose when you would stand too close to each other.

You try not to think about it. Except when you do. A swirl of memories would come flooding your mind in the most inappropriate moments, creating that heat that made you remember exactly how his fingers felt inside you, his tongue between your folds, the sloppy kisses and that feral, hungry look in his eyes while eating you out, touching you like you were the most precious thing on earth.

"How about pride and prejudice?" the girl wonders, standing up to clean her dishes and snapping you back to reality.

"Shit, I love period dramas!" your dad shoots you a reproachful glare at your language, but you chose to ignore it. "As a matter of fact, most of my designs are inspired by the Victorian and regency eras."

"Oh, yeah," Sarah recalls, "I remember I read about it in one of your blogs. Dad showed it to me, by the way..." Joel clears his throat loudly, making her giggle.

Although she had mentioned it before, it was still kind of weird that he acknowledged your work. At first you thought it was merely because he wanted to connect with you somehow, but lately he'd been asking if he could see your new sketches and would let you borrow some old magazines he had around the house. Your best friend, Sophie, mentioned he might've been trying to show his interest in you subconsciously. And she was that one psychic friend who believed in zodiac signs and angel numbers, so you decided to believe her.

In that moment, your dad receives an incoming call on his cellphone; he excuses himself and heads to the living room. Your eyes lock with Joel's, and the fact that he was uninhibitedly staring back at you drew a smug smile on your face.

"Are you interested in fashion, Mr. Miller?" he sulks out a dry 'no', but you could see him fidget with his watch nervously. "Pity. I thought maybe you could model some of my male designs."

Sarah genuinely cracks up at your comment, slapping one hand on the table. "You want dad to pose for you? Seriously?"

"Why not? I brought my Polaroid camera, I can get some very nice shots." You were partially joking, but deep down you just wanted to see how he'd react.

"I mean, I know dad's got his charm with women, or so they keep saying-"

"No way anyone says that," he rambles.

"But the idea of him modeling is probably the funniest thing I've ever heard."

The fact was that you didn't want to take pictures of him so anyone else could see them. You wanted them exclusively for yourself. A couple of naughty Polaroids to keep around for whenever you were aching for him —which has been nearly every fucking night since your arrival—.

"It was a silly idea," you finally agree, shrugging. Joel stands to take his things to the sink. "Do you really have to leave for the weekend? You're like, my only friend here."

"Uh, about that..." she leans in towards you and you can practically smell a scheme on her. "Would you be mad if I gave your number to someone?"

You can quite literally feel the man standing behind you tense up. "Huh?"

"Yeah, like... To a guy." She moves in her place, but there's still no answer from you. "He's my English teacher. His name is Will and he's super smart, young, really funny and very handsome, I might add. I believe he can be your new male model." Sarah adds that last bit with a grin.

When you turn your head to see Joel, there was a deep scowl etching on his face, his body remaining still as a stone.

"I don't know... As friends, maybe." You weren't sure why, but the idea of meeting anyone new didn't really sound appealing.

She opened her mouth to say something but before she could actually do so, your dad walked in again. He appeared upset, gesturing nonsense and muttering impassively.

"What's wrong?" your tone comes out concerned.

"I have a meeting in Boston," he sighed, resting a hand on your shoulder apologetically. "Apparently it's urgent and I have to catch the next flight if I want to be there by nightfall."

"Oh, don't worry," you smile at him warmly. "I understand. Besides, I'm an adult. I can manage a weekend by myself."

He nods, still seemingly aloof. "I know but- I just wanted to spend some more time with you."

And of course you wanted that too, but saying it out loud could literally bring him to quit his job. He was always very extreme when it came down to you.

"What time d’you leave?" his friend asks him.

"Half past four. Why?"

"I can drop Sarah off at Ellie's and then drive you to the airport, if you'd like." Such a caring friend, Joel Miller. So selfless. Helping your dad out, attending his daughter's every special need...

"Yeah, thanks a lot, man. Take care of my little girl while I'm away."

You see his eyes gleam with a mix of unknown emotions, "Will do."

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

The last few days had been no less than torment for Joel. Each moment that went by in which he didn't get a chance to be near you had him losing his mind. Badly. And it wasn't necessarily a physical thing— not always, at least.

Every morning, he would wake up and go to work, knowing for certain that when he comes back home he'll find you hanging around with Sarah or sitting out on your porch with a sketching notebook on your lap.

He liked to guess what you'd be doing.

Would you be playing board games with his daughter? Watching a movie or baking desserts? Maybe you were thrift shopping with your dad or simply going to the mall. And later on, when he finally gets to see you again, you'd tell him all about it.

Joel also liked to imagine what kind of clothes you'd be wearing. One thing he noticed is that you never stick to one particular style or aesthetic. One day you could be wearing pastel sundresses with ribbons in your hair; the next one could be long, black skirts paired with basic tank tops and multiple necklaces, or even something more extravagant, depending on your mood.

Seeing you was an experience— one that he could never get tired of. It's like every time he sets his eyes on you there's a certain color palette that changes constantly, or the feeling of gathering all your favorite songs into one playlist and then hitting the shuffle button. He never knows what to expect. Hence why he had given up on trying to relate you to the silly things around; like seasons, animals, artists or foods. Instead, he started associating you with feelings.

You were creative, unique and incredibly fearless. In a way, you made him feel uneasy, excited, thrilled, confident and many more emotions at the same time. If he had to describe you in one word, he'd say evoking.

Oh, how you pestered his brain.

He hated how much he thought about you, and how little guilt he felt from it.

Right now he was sitting on the drivers seat of his truck, waiting at the airport's parking lot. You asked him if you could walk your dad to his corresponding gate and he agreed. The downside: it had started to rain, probably not too bad for your dad's flight to be delayed but enough for your clothes to get soaked on your way back.

"Shit, I'm sorry," you muttered, shutting the passenger's door behind you. “The seats are gonna get all wet..."

"Here," Joel takes off his jacket to place it over your shoulders.

It feels warm and it smells like him, "Thanks."

He starts the car without saying anything else, keeping his eyes glued to the road. You, on the other hand, could not stop staring at him. Now that no one else was around, there was no shame in admiring his side profile, the way his muscles flexed and his hands grasped the wheel. There was something inherently attractive about men driving, but- Jesus... This image had your mind roaming around dark places.

Suddenly, realization sinks in— you're alone.

Alone with him.

"I, uh..." he taps the wheel with his thumb, still avoiding your gaze. "I wanted to take you out for dinner. The weather kinda ruined it."

The corners of your mouth hitch up in a silly smile. "Too bad. I really didn't want to be alone tonight."

Joel hums, appearing somewhat distraught. In reality, he was fighting for his life. The clothes you chose to wear today were not fitted for the rain; denim mini-skirt, high pair of boots and a white top that complimented your upper body. He tried not to look at the raindrops rolling down your thighs or note how transparent your shirt has become, forcing himself to stare at your hands and the many rings that decorated your fingers, seeing there the one he gifted you.

"How about you come over to my place?" you suggest, trying to catch his attention. "I'll need a shower and a change of clothes but... Maybe we can do something afterwards."

His tongue darts out to lick his lips, still avoiding your gaze, "Like what?"

This time your voice goes lower, a smirk spreads across your face and something in your eyes flickers; a darker, sensual spark.

"Oh, you know..." your hand carefully comes to rest on his knee. His thigh tenses but he doesn't say or do anything to push you away. "Whatever you want."

He swallows hard, feeling the pads of your fingers run circles on his leg, your nails mildly scratching over the jeans in a way that raises goosebumps on his skin and eases his nerves.

"I've got a better idea," he says, keeping his tone calm —barely—. "Why don't you come to my house instead?"

Your eyebrows shot up in surprise, "Sure, but- what about my clothes?"

And then he smiles cockily, as if this had been his plan all along, "Wear mine."

Well, there was absolutely no way you were going to turn him down. With a bit more boldness, you slide your hand a few inches up his inner thigh, still rubbing soothing patterns. His jaw clenched, but remained silent and apparently unbothered.

"Joel?" his name rolled off your tongue sweetly, in a way only you knew how to. He uttered a 'hm?' in retort. "Did you miss me?"

"I've seen you nearly every day," he answers playfully.

You laugh, stopping your movements and simply resting your palm there. "So... No?"

"Didn't say that, darlin'." The truck suddenly stops at a red light as he exhales heavily, giving in to you at last. "But I'll let you guess."

A push and pull game, like a cat chasing a mouse. Your smirk widens. "I don't think so. Not as much as I have."

His eyes scan your body from head to toe, the way you sit with your legs slightly parted, back laying flat against the seat and face turned towards him with heated cheeks and low gaze. Unexpectedly, your hand draws back from his lap as you start looking through your purse and a frown forms on his face, baffled by the loss of contact.

"Which is why..." you take the Polaroid camera out and see a whole shift in his eyes, like he's about to burst in laughter. "I brought this."

"No," despite his categorical denial, you still held the object up.

"You have a green light," he curses under his breath and you hold back a chuckle. "Just let me have one, please."

He sighs in defeat, "Why'd you want that?"

The rain had started to settle down but the air was still pretty cold, all that could be heard besides your own voices being the drops that crashed against the car.

"Cause you're handsome," he rolls his eyes sarcastically. "And I like you."

Hell, you were always so straightforward. It made his heart jump inside his chest, wondering if it was gonna burst out.

"You won't like me as much once you meet that Will dude," Joel prattles through gritted teeth, remembering his daughter's suggestion from earlier.

"The guy Sarah mentioned?" your brows furrow subtly. "Why? What's up with him?"

He yanks his head to the side, glancing over at you for a second, "Nothin'. Just thinkin' out loud." In spite of your puzzled expression, he decides to grant your wish. "I'll let ya' take it. But only if I get one in return."

Your lips purse in a smile, "As many as you like, Miller."

He doesn't say anything in response, but his grin doesn’t fade either and you managed to capture it on paper. The image slowly started to become visible and your first thought was how well it captured the whole 'Joel Miller' essence. It was a simple photo of him driving with one hand on the wheel and the other arm thrown lazily over the backseat. That denim shirt hugged his arms exquisitely, the rolled-up sleeves adding to his appeal. He was looking at you when it was taken, so you could see more than half his face— and the way he was grinning, you couldn't help but think he appeared so much younger when he did that. The entire thing felt so much like him: snuggly, blue, genuine and you absolutely loved it.

"There," you show it to him as he started to pull over. "Isn't it nice?"

"Just keep it to yourself, aight?" the man grumbles.

"F'course," with a spark of joy, you slide the photo inside your wallet. "Wouldn't want anyone else peeking at that gorgeous smile of yours. That's a treasure of my own."

"Shut up-" he rumbled, turning his face the other way and opening the door, seemingly flustered. And out of all the amazing things you've accomplished in your life, making this rugged looking man blush was probably your greatest pride.

When he helps you out of the car, holding your hand firmly and cleaving to your waist; you wanted nothing more than to kiss him under the pouring rain, wildly and unhinged, just like last time. But this particular spot possibly had too many curious eyes of which you were unaware of. He obviously doesn't need to guide you through his house, since you already know nearly every corner of it, except for one. His bedroom. And apparently, that's the precise location he's taking you to.

"Please excuse the mess," he says, placing one hand on the door handle, "I haven't had a woman in here for ages, so I'm afraid I probably won't live up to your expectations."

"Joel," you snort, "it's been a decade and a half since you last dated anyone. Trust me, my expectations are pretty low."

He scowls, squinting both eyes. "You didn't have to say it like that..."

It's honestly better than you thought. His bed is nicely done, brown bedsheets striking as warm and welcoming; the walls were painted a pretty, light shade of blue that matched the grayish curtains on the left. The drawers in front of his windows had a bunch of stuff scattered on top of them: a CD player along with a few music discs, some papers, a cap and a pair of reading glasses, batteries, one screwdriver and a framed picture of him and Sarah at the beach. Meanwhile, the nightstand simply had one lamp and an alarm-clock on it. Over the bed's headboard were one poster of a music festival, the image of a landscape and an advert of what you guessed must've been a club, that read 'tacos and beer" on it. The door to the bathroom was on the right.

Messy, yet tidy at the same time. Very Joel-like.

"No way..." you murmur, eyeing the guitar beside his bed. "All this time I thought it was a myth."

"What?" he asks from behind you.

"Dad told me you used to serenade girls back in college and that you wanted to become a singer." A giggle escapes your lips, unable to contain it. "I remember saying he was surely making it up, but..."

"I didn't- I mean..." he clears his throat, scratching the back of his neck and feeling his chest swell with your laughter. "Oh, shut up!"

"Make me." The lingering, mischievous smile on your face made his heart pound and blood rush. "Come on, Miller. Shut me up, I dare you."

His eyes darken, but you don't falter for a second. He doesn't move a muscle, solely watching as you took off his jacket and threw it to the bed.

"You dare me?" his voice goes drops an octave, following your every move closely. "That's rather bold of you, sweetheart."

"Mhm," without breaking eye contact, you start taking off your boots. "And yet you're doing nothing about it."

Joel starts walking towards you slowly, holding your gaze intently. Your hair was damp and your clothes were still wet; it didn't really matter that the air was chilly cause you still felt warm all over. He soon invades your space, cupping your chin in his big hand and lifting your head upwards.

"Well, you're awfully quiet now, aren't ya'?" his hot breath fanned across your cheeks, the gap between your faces being basically invisible.

"I'm just waiting for you to start singing some random song by Alabama or Johnny Cash," you scoff. "Like a good ol' Texan ma-"

He doesn't let you finish the sentence, abruptly crashing his lips into your own. Joel isn't delicate about it and the fervor with which he kisses you makes your body stumble a few steps backwards. Your shoulders hit the wall and he pins you against it as your mouths find a way to mold perfectly, at a much nicer pace than last time. You throw your hands around his neck and let your fingers tangle in the curls around his nape, tasting the fresh mint on his lips. His hands rest on your hips, chests pressed together as the temperature kept rising with each second that went on.

You part your lips in order to grant him deeper access, feeling his tongue slide past your teeth and meeting your own in an ardent, heated way. It was perfect, until he broke apart, looking down at you with an asserted confidence.

"You really know nothing 'bout country music," he says in between shaky breaths, beaming. "S'that what you wanted?"

"Yes," you manage to say.

"Then say 'thank you'," Joel indicates petulantly, stroking your bottom lip with the pad of his thumb. "Go on, don't be such a brat."

You blink twice, your brain still buzzing with the sensation of mouth on you, barely capable of processing anything else. "But I want more..."

"You'll take what I give you."

Shit, when he said it like that- "Thank you."

"That's my girl," he straightened his back, opening the door next to you. "Now, get your pretty ass in the shower before you catch a cold, 'kay?" You roll your eyes and hear him chuckle. "There's clean towers under the sink. You can take some clothes from my drawers, or Sarah's if you feel like it. I don't think she'll mind."

"Understood." He can tell you're annoyed, which he finds funny.

"Don't be mad at me, angel." Joel tugs a strand of hair behind your ear. "Promise I'll make it up to you."

You nod distractedly, lost in the cocky spark on his eyes. "I'm not mad. Just hoping you fuck me real good if you're making me wait for it."

Your words almost make him choke on his own saliva. "Sweetheart, you're making it real hard for me to be a gentleman."

It makes your ego boost, in a sense. "I'll be quick. Can you get something for dinner, though? I'm starving."

"Shit, darlin', pick a struggle," he mocks as you enter the bathroom, "are you horny or hungry?"

"Oh, you jerk!"

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

6:15 pm.

You take a quick glance at Joel's alarm clock once you come out of the shower. It's been little more than an hour since your dad's plane took off. You hope the rain hadn’t made his flight any difficult, cause the weather turned out to be quite a blessing for you.

The cozy feeling of a nice, warm shower after being soaked under the rain was starting to settle in your bones, making your limbs relax. Then you realize, you smell like Joel. The scent of his soap, his shampoo, even his laundry detergent, is all over you. It's intoxicating in the most fantastic way possible, making your insides burn with a thrill of excitement. You took one on his flannels, —dark green with red stripes— and decided to wear it without anything besides your underwear. It was pretty big anyway, and covered just the necessary areas.

You slid your socks back on when all of the sudden you hear the faint sound of music from the floor beneath. Curious, you walk towards the noise, finding out Joel was in the kitchen, crouched down in front of the opened fridge. The CD player that you saw earlier on his room was now on the table, playing a melody that you recognized almost immediately.

"I like this song," you say, leaning against the wall. "That's Billy Idol, isn't it?"

"Yeah," he recalls, taking out a medium sized plastic box from the fridge. "Tommy made that mix. There's plenty of hits from past decades. I think you'll enjoy it."

The man finally turns around to face you and his face fails to hide his surprise. The way his prying eyes sweep your body in detail, taking his time particularly on your bare thighs, almost made you feel self-conscious if it weren't for that shadow of desire that crossed his eyes and the way his nostrils flared from a contained breath.

"How is he, by the way?" you ask, still on the subject. "Haven't seen him in a while."

"Who?" he clearly forgot what he had just said.

"Your brother," you call to mind, "how is he?"

Joel sets the box down on the table and drifts his gaze back to your face. "Fine, I guess. Last time we spoke he said he'd go to Dallas." He takes two glasses from the pantry and what it looks like a bottle of wine. "I-uh... There isn't any real food in here besides those strawberries and chocolates that this guy brought for Sarah. Should I order something?"

You shake your head and walk over to him, "This will do. Won't she get mad if we eat them, though?"

"Don't think so," he replies, pouring the red liquid into the glasses. "I'll blame you if she does."

"Oh, okay-" you cock an eyebrow at him and hold back a giggle. "Thought you didn't like wine."

"It's a fancy drink," he explains, "s'only for special occasions."

"Oh?" you take a sip from it, eyes boring into his. "And what's tonight's?"

Joel smiles conceitedly, jutting his chin out. "I've got you all to myself."

You snort, feeling the heat soar across your cheeks. He takes the snack box and with a sly gesture asks you to follow him into the living room, the melodic sound of the eighties tune turning to background noise as you do. The only lights on are the ones in the kitchen and the lamps beside the couch, shining a perfect light on his features.

"Come here," he calls, the leather squealing under his weight when he sat down. You set the glass down on the coffee table in front of the tv, going to sit next to him. "No, sweetheart," he grabs your waist and pulls you closer to him. "I meant here."

His legs part slightly, making room for you to sit on his lap. Your smile broadened toward a soft chuckle, settling yourself on his thigh. Joel immediately gets his hands on you, one on your lower back and the other merely resting on your upper leg.

"So, who's this mystery man that's been giving gifts to your darling daughter?" he scoffs in response, reaching for a chocolate from the box.

"Honestly? No fuckin' clue." You hum in surprise, drinking from your wine. "She never involves with them, thank god, and once they meet me they never come by again."

"I see,” you muse, “you're the overprotective type," you bite on a strawberry next.

"I wouldn't say it like that..." he sees the sarcastic glimpse on your expression and holds back laughter. "It's a dad reflex, I can't control it."

"Right, sounds convincing."

You stretch your arm behind the couch, setting your elbow and laying the side of your face on your palm. His face is very close to yours but all you do is simply stare at each other; Joel's big brown eyes glimmer with infatuation. “Can I ask you a question, sweetheart?" he asks lowly. "Somethin' more serious."

You wince in confusion, but still nod, "Sure."

He inhales sharply, taking a couple of seconds to actually say what he meant to. “Why are you here?" your frown deepens at his words. "I mean- Texas. I know you said you wanted to make up for the lost time with your old man, but... I feel like there's something else you're not saying."

It takes a minute for you to really sink in on his question. You nearly gulp down the alcohol before setting the glass down, avoiding his ardent gaze.

"Honestly?" you sigh, "There's so much to unpack that I don't even know where to start."

"Try." Although he didn't sound harsh, the effort he was asking you to put in wasn't something of your liking.

"Well, first of all," you meditate, clearing your throat, "the city didn't feel like home since my mom passed. It made me realize how much I missed here." He nods comprehensively, caressing the exposed skin of your thigh in a reassuring manner. "And then there's this- fear. Yeah, I guess it is fear... I've managed to accomplish so much in such short time that it actually fucking scares me to go any further and see that-" you stop, sighing and shaking your head. "That I've reached my limit."

For a moment, there's just silence floating between you, all that could be heard were the rain and a song by tears for fears.

"Darlin', look at me," he asks softly but you can't bring yourself to do it, embarrassed by your confession. "Please, let me see those pretty eyes of yours."

And it's practically impossible for you to deny him anything. Specially when he asks so nicely, when his hand grabs the side of your face so gently— you give in, just like that.

"You're afraid to succeed because you don't know what to do with yourself afterwards. Is that it?" You nod faintly. "Can I speak frankly?"

"I have a feeling you will anyway-"

"Yeah. A bit of tough love, but you need’a hear it." Joel strokes your cheek sweetly and you get shivers from the affection in the action. "Sweetheart, I know what you're going through. Shit feels like it's either moving too fast or not moving at all. And I know how scary that is. Trust me, there's still plenty of time for you."

You square your eyes to his, "Sure, bet you were frightened when you were twenty four."

"Terrified," he spoke truthfully. "Everyone I knew was getting married, moving out or working their asses off."

"And you?" he grunts, taking a strawberry from the box. "What were you doing?" Joel eats the fruit patiently, simply staring at you silently. "Come ooon, don't play hard to get."

"Gotta promise you won't laugh."

It's a tricky business for someone who makes fun of everything, and yet you simply reply: "I swear."

"Fine," he rasps out in fake annoyance. "I used to make my own guitars and- sell 'em sometimes. I'd also teach guitar lessons and horseback riding."

Your eyes widen in surprise and something flutters in your stomach. "Shit, that's actually pretty cool!"

He groans, rolling his eyes at the same time, "I told you not to make fun of me."

"No, no- I mean it." You shuffle on his lap, resting a hand on his chest. "And you sound passionate about it... Why'd you stop?"

The man shrugs his shoulders, tightening his grip on your waist. "It went well for a couple years but I eventually had to get something more solid. More so after Sarah was born." He takes a deep breath in, the smell of his own shampoo on your hair hitting his nostrils and catching him off-guard.

"You should teach me," you suggest with a smug grin. "I always wanted to learn."

"What, guitar or horseback riding?" he wonders, suddenly nuzzling his face on the crook of your neck.

"Guitar. I'm pretty good at riding, if you must know." You feel him chuckle against your body, his facial hair scratching your sensitive skin.

"We'll see 'bout that," his voice comes out husky as he starts kissing along your jawline.

Joel's common sense jumped out the window long ago, but the string of self control that kept him sane all this time couldn't bear the weight of you wriggling on top of him, semi-naked and with his scent all over you. Something primal took over him, a glimpse of possessiveness that he didn't believe himself capable of feeling towards you specifically. He wanted you to wear that flannel around town so people would look at you and know who it belonged to; whose bed you've been visiting. He wanted you to smell of his cologne so other men would know that you weren't free for them.

Your fingers run through his soft curls, messing his hair while he grabs the back of your thighs and manhandles you onto straddling his lap. He nips and licks over all your vulnerable areas, making your breathing start to labour. How could he possibly know this well the easiest ways to have you so desperate this quick? Leaning into his touch, yearning for him even with the smallest action? He wasn't aware of the answer himself, he just knew.

Joel instinctively throws his head back when you tug at his hair and seize the opportunity to duck down and lay a sweet kiss on his forehead. His hands coast up your thighs, splaying his fingers on your ass to squeeze the flesh. You hold back a giggle, kissing the curve of his nose before catching his soft, soft lips on yours.

He slides an arm around your waist, pressing his palm between your shoulder blades to keep you as close as possible. You feel your nipples harden when his tongue ran along your bottom lip— tauntingly slow, until you allowed him full access to your mouth, letting him taste the sweet mixture of wine and strawberries on your tongue. But his vehemence didn't make you any less eager, kissing him back with just as much passion and vigor, sinking your teeth into his bottom lip and mildly pulling at it with minor strength.

The action ignites a fire within him, seeing you on top, feeling your fingers roam around his cheekbones and along his jawline like you knew just how much fucking power you had over him... It was a new sensation, a new kind of desire he didn't recognize at first.

Joel's lips were swollen and his own excitement was starting to feel evident underneath you, which created a blunt ache between your legs. He usually appeared so big and mean, with those broad shoulders and permanent scowl on his face. Now, though... He seemed like he'd let you do just about anything with him, to him— it didn't really matter as long as you kept staring at him like that; through heavy lids, eyes sparkling with a profound, desperate need that spoke without words, saying 'only you get to see this side of me'.

You start grinding your hips against his, rubbing your clothed core above his growing boner in small, calculated circles as you shore yourself up with a hand to his chest. He merely admired you from his position, letting you have your way with him; all the while his gaze reflected patience, like he could take over the situation any second but enjoyed watching you lead.

"Joel," you call his name, leaning forward to kiss his chin, moving your lips all the way down his throat and feeling the nice scratch of his beard. Your hands grab the collar of his shirt as you come up to whisper in his ear: "Stay still."

Panting, he narrows his eyes in confusion, "What?" Though you don't give him enough time to figure out your words, getting back on your feet and parting his legs further with a light thump of your knee.

He observes your every move quietly, amused by your confidence and determination when you drop to your knees in front of him. Joel's cocky expression doesn't sway, not even when you drag your nails across his inner thigh, inching closer towards his very visible hard on. However, his body betrays him, selling a whole different story. His muscles tense, his jaw clenches and his Adam's apple bobbed up and down.

"Stop being such a fucking tease," he hissed, refusing to place his hands on you.

"Or what?" you drawl, coming to rest your palm on his crotch. A simple, feathery touch that made his pulse accelerate.

"You'll regret it," he warns grimly.

"S'that so?" you start to unbuckle his belt, way too slow for his liking, tugging down the zipper of his jeans. "I think I can handle it."

He smirked, his hand slithers to the back of your scalp and forces you to lock eyes with him. "Don't test your luck, sweetheart."

You pout mockingly, doing exactly the opposite of what he was saying while dragging down the fabric just enough to free his cock. Your new found courage falters for a second, finally seeing him in all his size and girth. He was, by all means, a big one, the amount of precome oozing on the tip telling you just how much he loved being teased, despite whatever words came out of his mouth. The mere sight of it sent a new heated wave of slick between your thighs.

Joel mimicked your expression scornfully, brushing his thumb across your cheekbone, "Too big for ya'?"

"None of that," you wrap your hand around the base, not really applying any pressure; though the sole warmth of your touch was enough to give him goosebumps, "we'll make it fit."

"That's my girl."

With a chuckle, you lower your head to kiss the inside of his thigh, the pads of your fingers softly grazing the veins on his length. His whole body shudders, leaking onto your hand and letting out a subtle gasp as you spread kisses all along his shaft. Your eyes peer into his soul when you gently place your lips to the slit, tasting the salty precome as he calls your name in what resembles a desperate plea. In a swift move, you finally take the tip in your mouth, swirling your tongue around it and deciding to put an end to his suffering. He mutters a gruff 'fuck' when you attempt to take him farther, pumping what you couldn't yet fit and snaking your free hand under the hem of his denim shirt to caress the soft skin of his belly.

"Shit, darlin'-" you feel the heaviness of his palm simply resting on the back of your head, not pushing or forcing you in any way, but allowing you to adapt to his size. "The only way to get ya' to stop talking is with a mouth full of cock, ain't it?"

You hum in response and the sensation is completely enrapturing for Joel, his callused fingers tangle in your hair to ground him as he releases a shaky breath. It's a huge challenge to focus on anything else but him; your mind whirring with a familiar dizziness while you bob your head up and down his shaft, intoxicated by the taste of him, the smell of him and every sound that escapes his lips, making your clit throb with need and your arousal pool in your panties, uncomfortably sticking to your skin.

For Joel, it's overwhelming.

He's never really been the noisy type during sex but heck— you were doing it for him. He's a panting mess above you, his hips buck ever so slightly in tandem with your mouth, trying not to lose it entirely. Your spit drools down his dick and the way your dark, dilated pupils sparkle with lust as you hollow your cheeks around him pulls a groan deep from his throat.

"That's it, you can take it," he coaxes when your nose nudges his pubic bone, the head of his cock hitting the back of your throat. "Good fuckin' girl, just like that..."

Enticed with the praise, you keep repeating the motion, sliding one hand to hold his hipbone for support and feeling his burning skin under your touch whilst the other plays with his balls to aid his pleasure. The obscene slick sounds mix in the air with his hoarse cursing, the rain and the faint music of kings of leon, sex on fire.

He looks so good from this angle, chest rising and falling with heavy, irregular breaths, head thrown back and both hands on you, keeping you angled for his cock. Drops of precum roll on your tongue as you keep changing the pace at which your head moves, tears welling in your eyes and jaw going slack. Shit, you're aching for him so bad that the only thing you can think of to relieve the need is squeeze your thighs together in order to create some friction. And it works, the action eliciting a moan from you that makes him fucking whimper your name.

"Bet your cunt's drippin' just from sucking my dick," he muffles a laugh that turns halfway into a sigh when you pay special attention to the ruddy, sensitive tip. "Fuck, I'm gonna cum-"

You can tell he is by the way his cock twitches in your mouth; his spine straightens at the heat gathering between his legs and he tries to pull you off against your will, uttering a warning that you chose to ignore. Joel's lips part in a throaty groan when he reaches his high, feeling the outline of your fingers digging harshly on his hip, your hand rubbing his length and your tongue lapping at his slit, taking in every single drop of his release until he's spent, right before pressing a soft kiss to it that makes him shiver. And hell— contrary to others, he tasted good; warm and thick, coating your senses.

His heart beats aggressively against his ribs and he loosens his grip on your hair, allowing you to get back on your feet while resting your hands on his waist. Although his eyes are barely open, he can quite literally feel your smile when you chastely kiss his lips. He chuckles breathlessly as you sit beside him, tugging himself back in his pants.

"We're not done yet," he says, grabbing the back of your knee and promptly engulfing your leg around his waist, maneuvering your body so that your back rests against the couch and he's crouched down, caged in the middle of your thighs. "I said I'd make it up to you and I will."

"Well, you've certainly got some stamina in you, old man," you poke fun at him, raising a hand to move those rebellious curls away from his eyes.

Joel smiles, caressing your cheek affectionately. "Always got somethin' to say, don't ya'?"

"Oh, Mr. Miller," you coo, enveloping your arms around his neck, "we both know just how much you love to hear me talk."

"Mhm," he leans down to kiss the corner of your mouth, "yes, I reckon you're right."

His big hand covers nearly half of your face as he holds you still, crashing your lips together. He kisses you deeply, vigorously, in a way that makes you wonder if you could possibly drown in a person's essence. His other palm slides between your bodies to start undoing the buttons of the flannel —his flannel— you were wearing. You can't help but whine when he draws back, watching you from above.

"Joel-" blood rushes through your ears and can feel your cheeks warm up as he takes in the sight of you, his fingers coasting down your throat and to the valley of your breasts, licking his lips when he sees your hardened nipples.

"You're fuckin' beautiful," he speaks freely, without holding back emotion, and it makes your heart skip a beat. "Such a sweet, sweet girl I can't get enough of."

"Then take a picture," you purr, "it'll last longer."

He stares at you through a measuring squint, a lighthearted smile forming on his face. "Since you insist." It takes a moment for you to realize what he means, until you finally recall that there's actually a camera inside your purse; one that he reaches for. "If I remember correctly... You said I could take as many as I like."

You lightly squeeze his waist with your thighs, feeling your whole body burn with anticipation. "I did say that..."

"Let's just pray your dad won't find these hanging around," he ponders, turning your face slightly to the side. "He'll have my head."

"And that would be terrible..."

He takes the Polaroid with one hand, the other coming to grope your breast as he backs off for a better angle, ultimately deciding to wrap his fingers loosely around your neck instead, purely holding you there. You glance at the lens, making your best "fuck me" eyes added to a cheeky smile, hearing him curse under his breath prior to snapping the picture.

"You've got the prettiest fucking tits I've even seen, sweetheart," he snarls, laying a palm flat over your lower abdomen while he waited for the photo.

"Has anyone ever told you you've got such a marvelous way with words?" he suppressed a laugh, safeguarding the picture on the back pocket of his jeans.

"Just a few women." Before you can even begin to act annoyed, he sets the camera aside and leans down to kiss your collarbones, the pad of his thumb kneading circles around your sensitive nipple. "Look at you, honey," he murmurs, "you're so easy to please... Or is it just because of me?"

You're panting, your back arching in response to his constant ministrations, every inch of your skin blushing under his attention. "I think it's-" you're cut off by the sudden need to swallow when he sucks a mark on the vulnerable skin between your breasts, "you."

His body vibrates with a laugh and you feel his hand palm your clothed sex, dragging his tongue over your delicate nipple, gently nibbling at it. You screw your eyes shut and let a single, fluttery moan slide past your lips when his thumb nudges your clit.

"So wet just from giving head?" Joel shakes his head in fake disapproval. "Who knew you were such a horny little thing?"

You are holding onto his bicep for dear life, fearing you might collapse into oblivion if you part from his body. His index glides across your slit over the drenched cotton fabric, making you squirm beneath him.

"You- you tasted good," you babble, mind all over the place. 

"Yeah?" his chest swells with pride, "you should taste yourself, angel," his mouth travels across your abdomen, "sweetest thing I've ever had."

It's pointless trying to conjure a response, you're simply too far gone by now. He hooks your legs over his shoulders and buries his head between your thighs, flattening his tongue against the bundle of nerves. You whimper, running your fingers through his locks and bucking your hips to meet his face.

"Please," you blurt out, "Joel, please..."

"What, sweetheart?" he asks, moving the underwear aside to directly touch your clit, fondling it as he watched your slick coat his fingers. "What do you want?" But you can't conceive an answer, all that could come out of your mouth were those pathetic, desperate moans. "Use your words."

With his free hand he plays with your nipple, grabbing your breast with his entire hand. "I want you."

He tauntingly moves his fingers around your seam, refusing to go any further. "Say it again."

"I want you, Joel."

Cocky bastard.

He licks his fingers clean and starts getting off the couch, leaving you with a confused, dumbfounded expression that nearly makes him crack up.

"You didn't really believe I'd be fucking you on the couch, did ya'?" he teases, but all you can muster up is a barely audible 'oh'. "Come on, let's take this to my room. And don't forget to bring that camera of yours."

Mind still dazing, you obey his instructions, following him silently upstairs as he undoes the buttons of his shirt. For a second, he glances back at you, gifting a soft, reassuring grin before extending his arm to grab your fingers, holding your hand in a pure, intimate touch.

And just for that moment, you forget that he's actually your dad's oldest friend, that he's Sarah's father or any other thought of the sort. He's just Joel. Joel Miller, the only man that has managed to make you feel butterflies in the pit of your stomach, or that made you blush with merely a few compliments.

"Ask me to kiss you," he urges, taking the camera from your hands and carefully placing it on his bedside table, his eyesight fixed on you.

"Kiss me," you don't ask, you downright beg.

He does, though it's not like the previous times. He's tender, almost languid about it. His hands are on your bare hips while yours cup his cheeks; Joel's fingers reach to remove the flannel from your shoulders and moves his lips to the newly exposed skin, murmuring constant admirations. You feel your lungs clench and a tingly sensation on your lower belly.

"I'll take care of you, darlin'." You let the shirt slide down your arms and fall to the floor. "Gonna show you what you've been missin' out on by fooling around with those stupid boys." His words go straight to your core as he takes a step back to sit on the edge of his bed. "Take them off," he gestures to the last piece of clothing on your body.

You compel to his wish, stripping under his prying eyes while he lazily gets rid of his boots. His lips twitch in a smile when he sees the glistening mess he's made of you, promptly dragging you on top of him. Your hands lay flat on his exposed chest shortly before he switches positions, readjusting you on the middle of the bed.

"Joel, please just-" you whine when he keeps playing with your entrance, stretching you with his fingers. Your skin scorches with desire, knees weak from the growing heat on your lower body.

"Stop nagging, sweetheart," he grits through his own lust, his gaze impossibly dark. "I wouldn't want to hurt you."

"Joel, I'm too worked up, I-" you gasp when he curls his fingers inside you, hitting that particular spot that made your toes curl. "Fuck..."

"Come on, baby." He ducks down to kiss the skin behind your ear and his beard tickles nicely. "It's just the two of us now, feel free to be as loud as you need to."

His pants are undone and hanging loosely on his hips, the image being so blatantly erotic that only managed to get you more aroused as you fumble to get rid of his shirt. He chuckles at your eagerness, shrugging it out of the way and haphazardly kicking off his jeans and underwear altogether, discarding them on the floor with the rest of the clothes.

You take a second to revel on his naked figure, his tanned skin, broad shoulders and sturdy chest, the marked collarbones and every noticeable mole. His hair is messy from your fingers, a thin layer of sweat sticks some curls to his temples as his wild, hungry eyes bask in the view of your sopping pussy when he parts your shaky legs further. But the moment of appreciation is brief, both of you being edged and spurred on.

He maneuvers a hand to your lower back and aligns your hips with his, watching the way your hole drips for him, wetting his bedsheets. You're a panting mess beneath him, lightly scratching his shoulder-blades and biting on your bottom lip, looking up at him doe-eyed and all splayed out for him to take. Joel wants to tell you just how badly he's longed for this— how he's been yearning to have you so achingly bad. But right now, feelings overrun his thoughts, especially after hearing his name spilling from your lips, begging for him to take you.

"Relax, darlin'." Joel teases your slit with the head of his cock, rubbing it along your sex and coating it with your slick. Your head tilts backwards, dipping on his pillows, small whines keep spilling from your mouth. "I won't go easy on you."

"Great, cause I don't want you to-" your slurred words get muffled by the sudden feeling of intrusion as he finally buries himself in your cunt, letting out a filthy, guttural groan.

You close your eyes, feeling lightheaded and staggered from the way he was filling you up so nicely, the stretch being a tad painful at first, but the kind of pain that could only ever feel good. Then your whole body quivers from head to toe.

"That's it, you can take it," he mutters, peppering kisses to your chin and collarbones as he bottoms out. "Fuck, you feel divine-" The tight, warm grip you welcome him with resembles nothing he's ever had before. This is new, this is you.

You bear down on his cock, enveloping your legs around his waist and lifting your hips to encourage him. He holds you down with a firm grip around your neck, starting to set a pace with his hips as he draws out and then back in slowly, roughly, making your back arch. Your erect nipples brush against his strong chest and create a delightful friction that has you moaning louder than you could've expected. You're amazed by the way he thrusts into you, somehow mindful to hit every right spot inside you —needless to say that it was something that others could hardly manage before—, his pubic hair tickles the skin below your belly button, sending shivers down your spine that prompt you to drag your nails down his back.

"Look," he indicates, despite your inability to even think straight. "Look," he repeats harshly, using the hand that was on your hips to tilt your head downwards, forcing you to stare at where your bodies connected. It was obscene, the wet noises of your pussy and skin clapping against skin sounding purely pornographic. "Look at the mess you're making."

"Joel, I-" you can't form sentences properly, all your attention being focused on how good he's making you feel. "I'm so close, for god's sake..."

"Lemme help with that," he speaks breathlessly, pining your leg over the crook of his elbow to make his thrusts deeper, more precise. You cry out in bliss, feeling the heat expanding from your stomach to your legs. "Yeah, you're close, I can fuckin' feel it- fuck..."

Your walls flutter around him, squeezing his dick just right. He knows he's in too deep when you call out his name like it's the only word you can remember, when he wallows in the glorious view of your pretty face contorted in pleasure. He looses the grip on your neck and strokes your lower lip with his thumb, prodding you to keep eye contact as your orgasm washes over you. It's electrifying, a feverish kind of sensation that gratifies every nerve on your body.

He rests his forehead on your shoulder, overcame by the intense feeling of euphoria that your body was providing. You realize in that moment that the reason why Joel could fill that void so easily was because he kept prioritizing you above him. Your pleasure was his, too.

"Jesus Christ, Joel-" you mewl when he abruptly pulls out, “… Worth the wait.”

He laughs shakily, kissing your lips shortly. "Turn around, sweetheart. I want to fuck you from behind."

With a buzzing dizziness, you follow his instruction. God, right now you'd do just about anything if he asked you to. You notice movement from his part and patiently wait with your butt up in the air for him to stuff you again; instead, you hear the familiar clicking sound of the Polaroid camera.

"You fucker," you chuckle, "did you just take a picture of my ass?"

"Couldn't help myself," he groans, caressing the soft flesh before lightly slapping it. "You look too damn gorgeous." The hit on your skin burns nicely and you can't hold back the gasp that escapes your lips.

"Shit- do that again..."

You can practically hear his smile when he talks, "You into that?" he repeats the action with a little more force and the pain sends a shock of pure pleasure between your legs, your own fluids dripping down your thighs. "F'course you are, I should've guessed with that attitude of yours."

He plays with your swollen pussy, enjoying your tiny moans and the way your legs tremble as you fist the sheets underneath you, burying your face on his pillow when he spanks you again— this time so hard that it probably left a mark. But before the sting washes away he takes the opportunity to enter you in one swift move, holding your hips steady and trailing his fingers along your spine.

"That's my sweet girl," he praises a midst, starting to grind his cock inside you. "Taking me like you were made for it."

This is way more intense, the angle allowing him to hit deeper, harsher. His gruff moans become more frequent as he speeds up his pace, letting you know just how good you were making him feel. The sensation was purely fantastic, melting every thought away and just leaving Joel Miller to fill you in every sense of the word. His hands are never still, roaming your responsive areas, caressing the most sensitive and always taking care of your aching clit.

You might cry from the overwhelming ecstasy— the way his tip constantly hits the depths of your cunt with each relentless thrust has you seeing stars. Joel gets a thrill from the way you can't seem to get enough of him either, throwing your hips back to meet his unwavering pace, clawing at the pillows and moaning helplessly, pushing him close to his climax.

"Joel, it's too much..." you mumble. "Please, I can't-"

He hunches over you, kissing your nape to ease the overpowering sensations, "Yes, you can. You're a big girl, you can take it." And then your vision goes blurry, all you're able to hear being his disjointed, lewd moans; all you can feel is his hard, hot body flushed to yours, his cock twitching inside you and the wetness of your own body. "That's it, give me another one, baby- fuuuck..."

The buildup is so strong you nearly collapse, feeling yourself tremble as he chases his orgasm, fucking you through yours. His fingers reach your bundle of nerves and apply barely any pressure, which has you coming undone in seconds, absolutely soaking his dick and the sheets beneath you, chanting his name like a prayer. A string of curses falls from his lips as he pulls out and quickly manhandles your fucked out self to lay on your back. He exhales sharply through his nose, spilling his load all over your stomach without even touching himself.

You both stay there for a while, catching your breath and looking intently at each other’s eyes before he rolls over, going limp beside you. You stare blankly at de ceiling, suddenly feeling aggressively aware of your sticky skin covered in sweat and cum, the numbness on your lower body that will surely feel sore in the morning and all the marks he's left dispersed on you. You feel satisfied, fulfilled even. Joy bubbles up your chest and comes out in form of a giggle, one you're unable to hold back.

"What?" he asks, turning his face towards you with a half-smile.

"I don't know, I just..." you shake your head, still laughing. "I don't know."

He chortles in disbelief, holding out a hand to take some tissues from the bedside drawer and going to swipe his mess off your tummy and inner thighs. "Shit, I think I might’ve just fucked the sense out of ya'."

Joel sets himself between your parted legs, laying the weight of his upper body on top of you, resting his chin on your chest, eyes boring into yours. He looks so young like this, despite the greying hair and the small wrinkles, his beautiful brown orbs sparkle ever so brightly under your attentive gaze.

"What will your dad say when he returns and finds out his only daughter has completely lost her mind?" he jokes, cradling you in his big arms.

"Come on," you roll your eyes playfully, "we both know that if I had been in my right mind since the beginning, I probably wouldn't be in your bed right now." He doesn't reply, but his smile doesn't fade either. Joel nuzzles his face on the crook of your neck, kissing your pulse zone briefly before closing his eyes. You run your fingers through his hair, softly massaging his scalp in utter silence.

The wind was howling outside, rustling the tree branches, but at least it wasn't raining anymore. You can feel Joel's heart beating against your ribs, his deep breaths fanning across your shoulder and his unique scent all around you, on you. In spite of the cold air, your naked bodies are warm enough to stay comfortably in this position, at least for a while— however, there's something deep inside you that doesn't want this moment to end.

"Hey," you call him lowly and he hums in response, "can we order pizza?"

He nods faintly, "Anything you want, honey."

Anything.

If only.

"I'll call," you say. "Any specific requests?"

"As long as there isn't any pineapple on it, we're fine." You glance down at him, almost appalled.

"You don't like pineapple on pizza?"

"No. That's disgusting, come on."

"Oh, grow up!" he opens his mouth to retort, but when he sees your dismayed expression he can merely bark a laugh that you get infected with.

"Order whatever you want," he whispers in your ear. "But you'll have to promise something."

"What's that?" you raise an eyebrow, intrigued.

"Say you'll stay," he murmurs, slightly hesitant. "Stay here and spend the night with me."

The proposal takes you by surprise, so much that you actually stopped breathing. You ponder wether if you could or you should; because, at the end, what would a night really mean? What could possibly change?

Nothing, right?

Besides, no one had to know.

(...)

A few moments later you're downstairs looking for your phone, wearing nothing other than his green flannel. Joel decided to take a shower while you ordered the food and you chose to walk around the house, paying attention to the little details you hadn't quite noticed before.

Now that you see it, there are plenty of horse images here and there. Very Texan of Joel, you can't deny. Lots of pictures of Sarah growing up, some of him and Tommy and a good deal with your dad. None of his ex-wife. In fact, there's no proof that she even existed. You decide not too think too hard about it, since it was none of your business after all.

You pour yourself a glass of water and wander your eyes across the amount of pills he usually takes. Anxiety pills, painkillers, vitamins. What could possibly be troubling this middle-aged man so bad? Again, you decide to turn a blind eye and simply pick up the phone, expecting a message from your dad to tell you he arrived in Boston well and safe. Instead, you find that your direct messages in social media have new requests. Curious, you open them to see what the fuzz was about.

Hi!

This is Will

I don't know if Sarah mentioned me...

I'm her English teacher, haha

I hope you don't find this creepy, your profile popped up in my 'people you may know' section and since Sarah said she wanted to introduce us, I thought I might just say hi 😉

Honestly, with everything that went down you had nearly forgotten about Sarah's 'you should hang out with people your age' speech. And now that you were stalking his profile, he appeared to be maybe a couple years older than you— handsome in a boyish, intelectual way, if that made sense. Apparently, he studied in New York too, and lived in Queens.

Hi!

Yeah, I reckon she did

What's up, Queens? :)

You don't really expect a reply, not giving much thought to anything in the moment. Though, an involuntary smile twitches your lips when there's a quick message that reads "Not much, Brooklyn" and the writing bubble underneath.

After all, having a friend in Austin wouldn't hurt.

[crowandmoonwriting]

Writing tip: Explorer Mode!

(Loosely based on Assassin's Creed's Discovery Mode)

Starting off a first draft? Not quite happy with your wording or the starting scene? Inclined to jump around the plot? No idea what the plot is, or who the characters are yet, but still determined to write?

Use Explorer Mode! Your story is an adventure in and of itself, and you are Indiana Jones in the Temple of your Creativity. Write notes, scenes, memes, character motivations, bits of poetry or prose from books or media that inspire you, doodle in the margins, but write. Draw a map from one scene to another. Document your journey, even where you fall into a plot hole full of snakes. You are here to find the story, not make a finished project. It's not so much a first draft as it is a draft zero.

How to switch into Explorer Mode:

It's best to have a dedicated journal to wreck, but you can use whatever writing software you like. Some recommendations: Obsidian, Notion, Campfire Writing, and World Anvil.

At the top of the page, write Explorer Mode, and use it as a header or footer for each page if you have to, to remind you.

Keep it loose. You don't have to keep anything you write in here, but try not to discard anything. Whatever you have might be useful for writing the first draft later, or laughing at with friends.

Make it multimedia! If it's a physical journal, decorate it, draw on it, paint on it, add stickes and fancy scrapbooking paper, pretty washi tape, whatever you like. Cut out pictures from magazines, or tear out pages from old books. Don't be afraid to get messy with it.

Music, music, music! Definitely write down some playlists, or put in some links if you're using a digital journal. Write down the actual names and artists of the songs, however, and when you listen to each one, take notes. What character or scene might this relate to? Who would sing it? What lyrics inspire you? When you close your eyes and just listen, what do you picture in your mind's eye?

Involve the senses! There is nothing so evocative for the memory as scent. Scent your journal, or your pages. Add in a perfume, a fragrance oil, and lightly dab a page. Make a small envelope for a sachet of spices or a scented bit of gauze. What does the scene you're writing smell like? If you're working digitally, write down the notes of fragrances, or which candle you'd like to burn while writing this scene. You can do this with taste, too. Have a few dedicated recipes, if you like to cook, or places to eat that remind you of characters, settings, or plot points. What are your characters' favourite foods? Their comfort foods? For more on food and worldbuilding see my post here.

Get crafty! Make artefacts from your world or story. Embrace other art forms to realise it in your own world. Once when I was taking a ceramics class, I made a series of cups, goblets, and tea pots in the style of one of the countries from my high fantasy world. I love to see them and hold them, and imagine my characters having items just like these (or pretend that these are the real items they used). Sculpt, sketch, make delicate jewellery, sew clothes or a quilt, look up some fun DIY projects on YouTube that might relate to your story or character's interests and give it a go! Remember this is an exploration, so these crafts don't have to be perfect. It's a good idea to have something physical to do, something that you can do while listening to your story playlists, something you can accomplish while you daydream.

And that's about it! Take breaks from Explorer Mode whenever you like, to either actually start work on the first draft because you now feel more confident and comfortable with it, or just to chill and not think of anything for a while. That's important too. Most importantly, have fun! This is art we're making here, and we are artists, but we are also archaeologists, anthropologists, scientists, historians, and explorers of every kind.

Now go out there and have an adventure!

[tithnamath]

What I would do with Each Member from Thorin and Co for a Day

Hello dwarflings (and wandering travellers)! Today's post is influenced by a few imagines/oneshots I've come across. Enjoy :) (sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes in advance)

Balin - Deep conversations with history of each other's worlds. I would love to hear the history of dwarves and personal stories from Balin, and I would love to tell him history of the ancient world and the golden age of piracy.

Dwalin - OMG I would be so shy to be in a room with him haha. Definitely make cookies and brownies with him, although most of the dough and batter would be eaten by him before it goes into the oven. A tough, tattooed warrior-dwarf baking cookies is something I can see.

Thorin - Take him to therapy, the guy needs it. Jks, but he does need a lot of therapy. I'm not too sure of him as he isn't the best to have a conversation with. I think, I would like to show him my gecko, and talk about reptiles, especially dragons (this will sound mean). I really like dragons, to his confusion, so it would be a nice icebreaker to 'bond' together with.

Oin - Honestly, Oin low-key scares me. But as he is a healer, I would love to learn natural medicine and herbology. Middle-aged peasants would want me BURNED!

Gloin - I think he will just be yapping and me listening; mostly talking about his wife and Gimli which I would find super sweet. I read somewhere that Gloin fought in a war when he was super young, like 14 year old in human age. So, again war stories til the 'morrow.

Bifur - Despite a language barrier, we would be able to communicate through art as cringy as it sounds. I would like to do a workshop with him with making wooden trinkets.

Bombur - Anything to do with food haha. Have a cooking day were we cook our favourite foods for each other and rate them. Same with desserts as well. He's got to try my family's death by chocolate pie.

Bofur - KARAOKE! I'd be singing abba songs while Bofur is playing some filthy flute riffs haha. And after go to one of those public play area, but for adults, and get absolutely smashed while trying to climb through the rope webs.

Dori - I think naturally being a bit of a fashionista would come hand in hand with it for him. If we're not going to go clothes shopping I would like to go fabric shopping with him, and design and make a dwarven outfit.

Nori - I read on a oneshot/imagine (I can remember where, I'm sorry) that Nori loves cats, and I can see that. We can go to a cat cafe and play with the cats. As Nori is a bit of a *bad boi* and steals from time to time, I may or may not pay him to steal a cat or two for me. No ones going to know.

Ori - definitely a drawing day - perhaps a sketch day out somewhere. I feel like taking him to a nature reserve or a conservation zoo would be nice as he would get to see animals that wouldn't exist in Middle-Earth. The others won't believe him at - like a giraffe??? That's got to be made up.

Fili - cheeky flirt 1.0. Either binge watching forged in fire, or chilling in the woods. Yes, I'm 21 years old, but if I see a good stick or two, I will duel someone in a sword fight. And I feel like Fili would willingly participate.

Kili - cheeky flirt 2.0. Movie marathon - every Shrek movie and me having to explain every fairy tale beforehand so he would get the references. Shrek AND pizza! Icould see Fili, Ori and Bofur could join as well.

Bilbo - eat, read and eat some more. I feel like Bilbo would love the hear what you are reading/ have read, and recommend books for you. I think it would be great to explain genres that he hasn't heard of in the shire. Just keep him away from the smut booktok, he won't handle it at all!

Gandalf - He's such an instigator for drama and lives for it, so I'd be scared to bring him out in public haha. I think he would defo love to hear about online drama like stuff in gorl world. So, I would bring out a massive white board, print of photos and cut string as if its a detective board and explain the history of gorl world while Gandalf drinks tea (for red wine with a fruity bouquet).

That's all for now, love you all!

Tith Namath X

[kcrossvine-art]

Good morn/noon/evening/after-you-woke-up! Now, I want you to imagine we are in a beige and light oak dressed kitchen, theres a plastic bowl artfully place on the island you bump your toes and hips on, and in that plastic bowl is plastic fruit, and on that plastic fruit is a decades worth of dead skin dust built up. It smells like vanilla perfume from the dollar store. On the 32-inch TV screen PBS is playing episodes of the coming of age drama 'Arthur'. We're cooking 'Stones Inna Swamp' from the Redwall Cookbook- And now a word from us kids…

(You can find the original recipe at the bottom if you’d like to follow along)-

MY NAMES CROSS NOW LETS COOK LIKE ANIMALS

SO, “what goes in to a Stones Inna Swamp?” YOU MIGHT ASKWELL for ya soup base-

White beans

Kidney beans

Vegetable oil

Onion

Celery stalks

Garlic

Sliced mushrooms

Green bell peppers

Vegetable stock

Chopped tomatoes

Parsley

Paprika

Salt and pepper

Canned beans might work well if you dont want to soak overnight, just thoroughly rinse and dry them first. And for ya dumplin's-

Rolled oats

Breadcrumbs (preferably whole wheat)

Parsley

Margarine

Cheddar Cheese

Do be careful making these, the dish caked to the pan like ive never seen anything before.

AND, “what does Stones Inna Swamp taste like?” YOU MIGHT ASK

Its a, it feels like adult babyfood, almost?

The 'dumplings'- they taste like meatballs??

This recipe would probably taste better with Regular Meatballs but these are mice so its understandable

Theres less liquid at the end than the 'swamp' name would imply

Texture similar to a mash

Most flavor comes from the aromatic ingredients

Could deal with a bit more spice

The vegetables could also go for a nice sear or roast beforehand

Pairs well with a gelatin desert and sparkly water

The dish your white parent makes when they do something 'experimental'

. The dumplings dont have a measurement for the salt, I did what felt right and I'd say it came out to maybe ¼ cup salt? . Water measurement for dumplings is way way too little, do the tablespoons and then also half cup. . Where margarine called for, used butter

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It gives off the air of when your children complain about taco tuesdays, but they cant cook for themselves and your partner refuses to learn, so you pick something out from pinterest that says "Healthy Veggie Sunday Dinner Done in 10 Minutes!". Its not bad in the traditional sense, its bad in the sense that it brings not much good. This may partially be a neurodivergent thing but the amount of soft textures just fucks with my brain.

I feel like I'm eating joker mush. The cheese is a nice touch though!

From start time to serving time, it took about 2 hours, but that could be cut down with experience. I would highly recommend either cooking the parsley dumplings separately and then adding per serving, or serving and eating immediately, because they Will get soggy and they Will fall apart over time.

 The flavor itself is very nice and savory, the more salt  you add the more itd taste like meat I think! As usual, please do feel free to add more spices than listed. I could see smoked paprika, cumin, and sautéd spinach going enhancing this a fair bit. I think if I were to make this in the future i would fry the dumplings before adding them in with the soup, to give it more texture and 'body'.

I give this recipe a wham-bam-ghost-you-ma'am of 3/10 (with 1 being food that makes one physically sick and 10 being food that gives one a lust for life again.) And now back to our show...

🐁 ORIGINAL RESIPPY TEXT BELOW 🐁

Bean Soup Ingredients:

1/2 cup dried white beans

1/2 cup dried kidney beans

4 teaspoons vegetable oil

1 1/2 cups (1 large) sliced onion

2 celery stalks, chopped

1 garlic clove, crushed

1 1/2 cups (4 ounces) sliced mushrooms

2 green bell peppers, seeded and chopped

1 cup vegetable stock (or 1 cup water and 1/2 cube vegetable bouillon)

1 can (14 ounces) chopped tomatoes

1 tablespoon chopped parsley

1 teaspoon paprika

Salt and pepper, to taste

Parsley Dumpling Ingredients:

1 cup rolled oats

1/2 cup breadcrumbs (preferably whole wheat)

2 teaspoons chopped parsley

1/4 cup margarine

1/2 cup grated Cheddar cheese

Soup Method:

To make the soup, soak the dried beans in water overnight.

Drain the soaked beans and transfer them to a large pot. Add water to cover and bring to a boil. Boil the beans for 15 minutes, then reduce the heat and simmer until the beans are completely cooked, 40 to 50 minutes more. Drain.

In a large, preferably nonstick frying pan over medium heat, warm the oil. Add the onion, celery and garlic and cook, stirring, for 5 minutes. Add the mushrooms and peppers and cook, stirring occasionally, for 3 more minutes.

Add the beans, stock, tomatoes, parsley and paprika. Season with salt and pepper.

Bring to a boil, cover partially, and simmer for 20 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Dumplings Method:

To make the dumplings, stir together the oats, breadcrumbs, parsley and salt in a bowl. Add the margarine and rub it into the dry ingredients with your fingers until evenly distributed. Stir in 2 to 3 tablespoons of cold water, until the mixture just forms a dough.

Form the dough into twelve 1 '/2-inch round dumplings. Add the dumplings to the bean mixture and reduce the heat to low. Simmer, covered, turning the dumplings after 10 minutes, until they are cooked through, another 20 to 25 minutes.

Sprinkle with the grated cheese and serve.

[lokiinmediasideblog]

What Norse myth books have you read already? I need new recs x

I don't think any of these are particularly new. Trying to make a list of all I've read. And granted, my attention span has gotten worse over the years.

The first book featuring the norse pantheon in any form I read was Neil Gaiman's "American Gods".

There's Diana Wynne Jones' "Eight Days of Luke" which served as inspiration for "American Gods", according to Neil Gaiman. Children's book.

There's also "Odd and the Frost Giants" by Neil Gaiman and his "Norse Mythology" retelling. Children's book.

I LOVED Louie Stowell's Loki: A Bad God's Guide to Being Good, if you have children or trouble getting through books, get this! It's hilarious and smart. I enjoyed it as an adult. Diary of a Wimpy Kid meets Norse mythology.

I enjoyed the first two books by Joanne Harris as a teen, "Runemarks" and "Runelight." The first two (esp. the first) are fun and I love the Bart Simpson-esque portrayal of Loki. Unfortunately, the quality of later books focusing on Loki is terrible.

I unfortunately read Joanne Harris' "The Testament of Loki", first chapter is interesting, but he's unwillingly sharing a body with an annoying teen girl, and the way Harris deals with eating disorders is really bad. It's awful. Don't recommend.

I think Lyra Wolf's The Nine Worlds rising series are an easy read. I think she has a great comedic voice and the books are worth reading just for that, and I like the toxic Odin/Loki relationship. I do have complaints about them, such as the anachronistic language (e.g. Loki knowing what a Chihuahua is), and that Sigyn doesn't have flaws other than caring too much for her no-good brother. She also has the women are either saints or evil witches dichotomy going on in terms of portrayals of goddesses. I think the stakes are good in these books so that you keep reading them.

I enjoyed Cat Rector's "The Goddess of Nothing at All" A LOT. While it doesn't have my ideal morally gray portrayal of Sigyn yet, it did make Sigyn more complex than others have. I also like this book mainly because I am a sadist and I love whump and there's a lot of suffering on it. It's so sad you won't be laughing at the myth!Loki memes. I would avoid this book if you don't like whump. I do have criticisms about it, such as her Loki was a bit too nice for my taste and could have been worse (making him justified for cutting Sif's hair feels forced; he can still be a loveable and tragic asshole, you know?). But my tragedy-loving self loves this!

I was looking forward to Genevieve Gornichec's "The Witch's Heart", it has a cute start of Loki giving Angrboda her burnt heart, but she criminally made Angrboda and Loki boring as fuck. Angrboda conveniently doesn't remember anything and just fumbles her way inside a cave for a large portion of the book. And she is the POV we're following. WE ARE STUCK IN A CAVE SHE WON'T LEAVE. Loki's portrayal in this is one of the most cisheteronormative I've seen yet, and it's surprising the author managed this in a story where Loki's myth hijinks ensue and wears a dress (he impatiently yanks off because he felt emasculated). The author thinks having a lean build and no beard=queer. Loki only shows interest in women and feels emasculated while wearing a dress. I also happen to hate Skadi and her weird castration fetish in this book. Bitch wouldn't shut up about it. The good thing about this book is that there's no anachronisms, and I liked Hel's portrayal.

So confession, I had Kindle Unlimited trial briefly, and I read a bunch of Loki books, such as Lyra Wolf's.

I think(?) I read A.B. Frost's "Father of Monsters". It was quite short, but has nice illustrations, and Loki's endearing, even if a little shit. That both takes one for the team and also endangers the team.

I read (partially) some book about Loki escaping his punishment early and rejoining the Aesir, but it was criminally boring (it never described how Loki got out of situations and the prose was incredibly VAGUE) and seemed geared towards Norse pagans(Which I AM NOT). Had a spiritual conflict-avoiding vibe. It was called "Loki" but forgot the author's name and I accessed for free by Kindle Unlimited. I also didn't like that it referred to cops as "Tyr's warriors". FUCK COPS.

I have not finished reading Mike Vasich's "Loki". I think the man thinks MCU Loki is accurate to Norse mythology, because that's the only Loki I could picture (and he was adopted by Odin). And man spent way too long describing sensing "power levels" that I ended up getting bored and stopped reading. I've also seen some amusing excerpt from another of his books I have not read. But, if you're an author, don't spend a lot of time describing power levels, FFS! You'll bore the fuck out of your readers.

[technoxenoholic]

yeah, i've tried this one.

it makes me vomit. no funny exaggeration here -- just very literal retching into the nearest sink/toilet/whatever. they literally had to put a warning sticker about my gag reflex in my dentist file. my gag reflex could kill god. pills are not happening.

so here's what i do, as a resource for my fellow people who really, genuinely Can't swallow pills. it will make The Horrible Pill Slurry a LOT more tolerable to get down!

disclaimer: i do this with painkillers that can be ground into powder, and i cannot speak to its efficacy with non-painkiller medications nor with pills that can't be ground up.

ingredients:

your painkiller dose (ground up into the finest, most consistent powder you can; if you can get a mortar and pestle just for this, it helps so much with not worrying about getting nasty painkiller taste in other stuff later. also, i like to pre-grind my doses so they're ready to go when i need them, and we're keeping them in those little weekly pill box thingies.)

one huge, heaping teaspoonful of honey (or you can use a gently heaped tablespoon if it's easier, but i find stirring with a larger spoon to be Difficult)

about 2/3 to 3/4 of a cap of lemon juice. i'm talking about the twist-off caps on brands like realemon (actual brand name lemon juice not required, i'm just trying to give info). it'll depend on how much painkiller you need and your bitterness tolerance, so feel free to experiment with how much you use!

instructions:

put your painkiller powder and the lemon juice into a medium-to-large glass/cup with a handle. the handle is very important if you're less coordinated/more clumsy when you're in pain, like i am.

get some hot water. either run the hottest water you can get from your tap, or use your kettle to heat it, or put it in the microwave -- doesn't matter how, just get it as hot as you can while still being able to drink it.

fill your cup with the hot water, leaving enough room to add your massive spoonful of honey.

add your massive spoonful of honey to the water.

keep your glass on a stable surface and stir, slowly and gently so you don't spill, until the honey is all dissolved.

now, we're going to drink this horrible thing. keep stirring. lift your cup by the handle, still stirring, and stand over the sink. take a big sip and a swallow, fast as you can without getting queasy, so you hopefully don't have to taste any painkiller clumps that didn't dissolve nicely (there will always be some).

always keep stirring between sips, or at least stir well right before each sip, because the painkiller will not want to become a permanent part of the solution (no, not even if it were just in water). naproxen, acetaminophen, nothing i've done this with ever wants to stay dissolved. don't worry about it; just keep stirring.

finally, once you're done drinking your glass of Pill Slurry, and this is crucially important... eat a tasty little treat. i personally recommend something with chocolate and/or caramel in it -- you're trying to wipe out the last of the bad flavors in your mouth (also, having a cookie just makes me feel better emotionally after having to do all that).

so why does this work? well, the lemon cuts the bitter taste of the medicine. the honey cuts some extra bitterness as well as most of the awfulness of drinking straight-up lemon juice (even diluted, that shit sucks). the treat at the end gives you something to look forward to so you finish taking your dose, and makes the bad flavors less likely to linger in your mouth.

it's still not good, but it's a lot less bad. good luck, fellow migraine-havers, joint-pain-sufferers, and other chronic pain sorts.

hey you!

yeah, you who has trouble swallowing pills.

When I was about 23, I finally had someone teach me a trick that worked.  Put the pill in your mouth, take a sip of liquid to hold in your mouth.  Toss your head back dramatically so the pill and liquid roll to the back of your tongue.  While your head is still back like you’re doing a Pepsi commercial, take another drink and swallow.

You’re welcome.

Unless it didn’t work for you in which case, back to crushing them up with two spoons.  Sorry about that.

[coastalqueries]

recipe for a delicious orange goop

I was doing some kitchen experiments this evening and one came out so delicious I had to actually write down the recipe before I forgot. and then it occurred to me that I could share it, so if anyone is interested: Pumpkin And Beef Stew.

Much like any stew recipe, this is a template and not a rulebook. Anything except the salt, water, and oil can be substituted, with the caveat that I cannot guarantee your end result if you deviate too far. This recipe is entirely lactose and gluten free, provided you use gluten free soy sauce/flour. It will require one stockpot, one plate or bowl, one stirring implement, and potentially a knife and cutting board if you are not buying things pre-chopped.

Time spent actively cooking: 20-40 minutes depending again on chopping Total time: about 2.5 hours Cleanup: minimal Serves: Probably 3 as written

Ingredients:

1 bag frozen japanese pumpkin/kabocha, or equivalent fresh

About a pound of beef chunks for stew (or a small package as sold in the store in your measurement of choice)

Half an onion, chopped

Handful of carrot. You could also probably cut up a single mid-size carrot but I used the shaved kind because it was conveniently in a bag

Mushroom broth, one carton (or diy)

Liberal amounts of red wine for deglazing and also taste

Spices/herbs to taste (I used: premade italian mix, powdered mustard, dried thyme but fresh would be better, medium amount of garlic, bay leaves)

SMALL amount of: gluten-free soy sauce, worcestershire sauce (seriously I barely splashed both in and it was the correct amount. probably a tablespoon each? maybe less)

Salt, pepper, chickpea flour (for browning the beef. type of flour doesn't matter and can also be omitted entirely)

vegetable oil or similar (I use grapeseed. I tend to avoid olive oil for frying/sauteing since it burns at a lower temperature but also we're not cooking with excessive heat here, use your own judgement)

water as needed

STEP ONE Add salt, pepper, and powdered mustard to the beef chunks, then dust with chickpea flour. Heat oil in the stock pot at medium, then brown beef chunks on two sides, flipping when the chunks no longer stick to the bottom of the pot. Remove promptly.

STEP TWO Deglaze with red wine, add a bit more oil if necessary, then add the onion. You could caramelize the onions probably but there's not really a point because they will dissolve either way, just get them translucent

STEP THREE Add frozen pumpkin (or not frozen if you're feeling industrious. Chop it though), carrot, and garlic. Stir it regularly & keep an eye on it, this step shouldn't take long — just enough for the pumpkin chunks to defrost and start to fall apart a little.

STEP FOUR Add the whole carton of broth, soy & worcestershire sauce, more red wine, and all remaining seasonings. Bit more salt to taste. You can throw the browned meat back in at this stage also. All ingredients should be submerged. Bring to a boil, and then reduce heat and cover.

STEP FIVE Slow cook the bastard on very low heat for at least two hours. Keep an eye on the liquid levels and stir occasionally because it will burn given the opportunity; add water as necessary. A little bit of browning on the bottom improves the flavor imo but if it burns it will be Bad.

STEP SIX You now have delicious orange goop. Where did the pumpkin rinds go? I certainly don't know. Remove the bare thyme stems and bay leaves. You can eat it as is or put it on bread or rice or mashed potato.

I will probably try adding mushrooms next time. I don't think chicken would work as well for both taste and textural reasons (though it would serve in a pinch) but other red meats or pork would probably also be delicious. You could absolutely make it vegetarian and/or vegan by substituting out the meat and worcestershire sauce, but if you do this I definitely recommend the mushrooms and also a big spoonful of miso, or some equivalent source of savory flavor and umami. You could also substitute the seasoning profile to your preference; this would be delicious with garam masala for instance.

No idea if it freezes well and it will remain a mystery because it is not going to last long enough to find out.

[postalenha]

11. special

not really knowing what to wear, you decided to put on a beige sundress that goes below your knee, wishing that jay wouldn't bring you in a wall climbing type of place.

checking your reflection in the mirror, you fix a strand of hair that's sticking out and iron the dress with your hand, "perfect."

you smiled before hearing one to two honks of car. you decided to leave your apartment. outside, you see jay in his car, waving at you. you went straight to him saying, “good afternoon.”

he unbuckled his seatbelt and went out of his car, opening the car door to greet you, “good afternoon, lovely.” you smile before going inside.

his car smells like fresh flowers, which helps you calm down and not worry throughout the ride. once you've had enough courage to speak, you ask him “may i ask where we’re headed to?”

"i'm taking you to my favorite restaurant." he answered, "don't worry, i won't disappoint you."

you softly chuckle, "i'm looking forward to it."

the drive was smooth and quiet. you think if this was even a good idea because you remember telling yourself to never meet him again, let alone involve him in your life.

but you decided to give him a chance. it's not like you would lose anything. you would just hang out, that's all.

he stopped his car in front of a fancy building. he got out of his car and opened the door for you. he then offered his arm where you can cling your hand into. giving his car keys to the valet guy and you went straight inside.

immediately after a staff member had a glance of jay, she knew right away where to lead us. the two of you are now sitting at a table for two before the waitress hands you your menu.

you look over at jay, trying to get a recommendation from him while he's preoccupied, searching at his menu.

the waitress laughs a little before she pokes jay and points at you, jay widens his eyes. "oh no worries, i'll order for us." he smiled, "but you can order what you want too."

shaking your head no you tell him, "it's okay. you can order for us." he took that as a green light, so he ordered everything in the menu that he wanted you to have a taste of.

you weren't really listening to what he's saying, all you feel right now is admiration. you admired how well he can handle himself. he seems to know what he's doing, and looks like he's an expert with these types of situations.

waiting for the food to arrive, "i hope i lived upto your expectations." jay scratches the back of his nape, "i didn't tell you where we're going to keep the thrill."

you laughed at what he just said, "you made me anxious the whole ride just for you to experience some thrill?" you questioned him, he just smiled at you.

"the cold sweats were worth it. this place is magnificent." you commented, looking around and analyzing the place.

"it's elegant, very. yet cozy." you added, the structural design of the place was finely furnished. there are aerial plants hanging but the sight doesn't really make you suffocate, instead, they help make the surrounding more earthy.

"i know, that's why it's my favorite." he happily said, "and i'm glad you're liking it so far."

not long after, your food arrived. you couldn't tell if jay was very hungry or he just genuinely wanted you to try the food. seeing the number of plates on your table right now, it's enough to feed a whole six person family.

overwhelmed, you don't know where to start so you just stared at the food as they stare right back at you. jay sees your reaction and actually thinks it was cute.

while you're busy getting lost in your own thoughts, he started cutting the steak for you. it just went unnoticed until he switched your plate to his.

"why did you steal mine?" you asked him with full confusion painted on your face, he smirks. pointing at the plate in front of you, "they are the same thing. the only difference is; i already cut that for you."

after cutting his steak, he handed you a small cup with some kind of sauce inside. "try that with the flat bread like this." he showed you how to do it, and you just followed him, "then eat."

you both eat in usion before you hum in surprise, jay smiles for the nth time seeing you nod your head in approval. "that was actually good!" you said.

"it is. it makes a good appetizer." he told you, you both moved on and continued eating the main course. “i’m glad you agreed to see me.” he said.

you look at him, “i’m also glad you brought me to such a good place.” you said a while before taking a bite into your steak. tasting the savor of the meat as you chew it.

silence was the sound of the afternoon as you both ate in peace. he sometimes offers to help you with things like pouring your glass of wine, wiping the sauce from your lips but other than that, you both really didn’t interact that much.

jay had been thinking of what he should say, but he couldn't seem to find the right words or construct a good sentence to initiate a conversation. he only smiles at you whenever your eyes meet his.

but when dessert came, you grew tired of the silence that had been hurting your ears. so you decided to ask him, “how are your butterflies?” it’s funny to ask how his butterflies are.

because if he would ask you the same question, you would answer that yours are in your stomach as you speak. “they’re doing good.” he said, “i’m actually planning if i should free them or not.”

“why?” you ask him, jay looked at you. seeing your face, he knew that you actually cared because it is painted right all over your face. “i just think that i’m holding them back from the freedom that they deserve.”

“but what if their freedom is you?” you blurt out. “i mean- what if they feel like they have all the freedom in the world as long as you’re there by their side?” you panic while you blabber out the words without processing them in your head first.

“sorry, i wasn’t making sense.” you’re talking about butterflies for god’s sake. why would his butterflies even feel that way about him- well they can, but not certain.

jay thinks that it was fascinating that you said that. “no, you are making sense.” he reassured. he never once thought of how his butterflies would feel if he let go of them, he was busy thinking about what they feel in his perspective and never theirs.

instantly after you’re finished eating, you go out and wait for the valet driver to get the car. “we can sit there while we wait.” he pointed at the bench, you shake your head. “it’s fine, we can wait here.” you said, “unless you want to sit.”

he shook his head too and was also about to say something, “jongseong!” a woman shouts as she approaches you. you’re confused, there is no jongseong here. unless your name wasn’t y/n after all.

the woman stops in front of jay, “i didn’t expect to see you here!” she greets him with a hug. he’s jongseong?

you just stood there, quiet. even distanced yourself to give them some space. of course, just the right distance to hear what they’re talking about. “i most certainly didn't expect to see you either.” he said, the woman laughed and slaps his shoulder.

“we’re going to a pub, do you want to come?” she invited him. that is when jay- or jongseong- or whoever the hell he says he is; looks your way so you avoid his eyes, but on your peripheral vision you can see him walk to you.

feeling an arm on you shoulder, you look at his hand while you hear him say, “sorry. i’m with someone.” he said. you expected the girl to go with what he said but she just smiles. “come on! there would be a lot of people.”

she inserts herself in the middle of you two and clings her arm into yours, “she can find more friends there too!” you look away because you don’t know how to respond to her invitation, you barely even know her.

but that was hypocritical for you to say, because it wasn’t that much of a problem when you and jay spent the night at the pub. you were about to agree when something drawn on her arm caught your attention.

it’s the butterfly jay had drew on your arm when you two met at the bar, the same one. the only difference is that yours is already faded while hers is new and visible. you slowly remove her hand that was clinging on your arm.

“sorry, i’m really tired. i’ll be heading home, but jay can come if he wants to.” you told them. the girl lost her verbal ability and just looked at jay, “i’m going wherever she goes.. so, i’ll see you around.” he said.

the valet driver came right on time, jay was about to open the door for you but you opened it for yourself and just went inside his car not saying anything. jay doesn't really know what the big deal is, he certainly doesn’t get why you’re suddenly mad when you were so smiley earlier.

the car ride was silent too, it was awkward but you think that it’s better this way. but jay didn’t. he wanted the talkative y/n he met at the pub, you’re the same girl but why are you acting so cold all of a sudden?

once his car was parked in front of your apartment, you got out of his car and said “thank you.” and rushed inside. not letting him say any word. you throw yourself onto your bed, screaming.

you thought you were special. turns out jay’s just good at making individuals feel like they are, when in reality you are just like everyone else. a person who seeks the love they think they deserve and need.

PREV, MASTERLIST, NEXT,

TAGLIST, open @yourlocalhotgf @neptuniees @ddeonuism @witheeseung @sunghoonify @one800127 @jaemimpulsive @rikibae @ncityy04 @ryu-naa @curryramyeon @hyuckworld @enhacolor @xoxojayd3n @mishtidoie @jungw8ns @n1k1tty @primorange @sprngfeverr @youreverydayzebra @bayoleta @nikisjpg @jaycenzo @heeslut @she-is-dreaming @kyleeanne

[just-horrible-things]

‘Verse: Resistance Story: Chewtoy AU, co-author @whump-sprite Timeline: Connor is rescuing Ari from Riven

Bandages [ Prev | Next ]

About an hour out from the city limits, Connor stops for gas. He has the window open in the front to give himself some fresh air, but the heat still going to keep Ari warm in the back. 

She's fast asleep, mouth slack, limbs at ungainly angles in the awkward space. It's almost a shame to wake her. But she starts at the sound of Connor's door.

"Easy," he tells her. "Keep your head down, I'll be back in just a few minutes."

The gas station has a hot food counter, and Connor gets them each a surprisingly appetizing sausage roll as well as sandwiches and chips. They're going to need plenty of energy. 

He parks up to eat – a little out of the way of prying eyes – and looks back to see Ariadne watching him with wary scrutiny. She looks a lot more alert already, to Connor's relief. 

"You can sit up if you like," he tells her. "Are you hungry?" "Yes."

She sits up with none of the caution you'd expect from someone with a couple of dozen open wounds for a back. She doesn't lean back against the seats, but that's about the only concession she makes to her injuries. 

She's still tough, despite everything Maclauren's done to her. 

"Is there coffee?" she asks. "You bet." She accepts it with a murmur of "thanks," drinks deeply, then holds out her hands for food.

Bruises peek from the edges of her borrowed sleeves, and create a deep, blue-purple shadow under her chin. 

She catches Connor looking, and tries to tug her sweater up over her collarbone. 

Even that little gesture helps to ease some of Connor's fears. He wasn't sure how he was going to get her out of the country if she was as sick as she seemed when he found her. 

But she has an appetite, and she's alert, and she doesn't seem to have any trouble sitting up. 

"We're not going back this time," he tells her. She nods hesitantly, and after a second ventures an untrusting "thank you." "We've got a long way to go. If you can get any more sleep in the car, you should. Will you let me take care of your back before we move on?" A sarcastic thought twists her lips for a second, but she keeps it to herself. "Okay," she nods. "I… haven't been able to wash it for a few days. I don't know how bad it is."

"I can stop somewhere a little further from civilization," Connor offers, "so it won't matter if you make noise." "I won't make noise," Ariadne scoffs. Connor nods. "Alright."

He gets the first aid kit and the pile of bandages from the trunk, and Ariadne peels off Connor's sweaters and lays across the seats again to give him access to her back. 

Despite her fears, it doesn't look badly infected. There's a few places where the scabs are discolored yellow and the skin is tight and scarlet between the gashes, but nothing bad enough to scare Connor. 

The back of her sports bra is caked into the dried blood and scabs. Cut edges of the fabric – where the whip must have caught it – seem almost fused to her skin, stray threads disappearing into bloody wounds.

"I might have to cut this off," Connor says, touching a relatively clean spot to let her know what he means. "Go ahead," Ariadne answers. "Nothing you haven't seen before."

There are blunt-nosed scissors in the first aid kit. Connor cuts the fabric at her shoulders and either side of her back, then uses clean water and a bit of folded gauze to loosen the scabs until the blood-soaked cloth will peel easily away. 

More water cleans the excess blood from her skin and dislodges the scabs from the infected wounds. Ariadne doesn't make a sound as Connor wipes the gashes out, only presses her face into the car seat. He stops when there's no trace of pus left, only clean blood.

She hisses through her teeth when he starts applying antiseptic, but she doesn't ask him to slow down. 

Connor brought the largest tub he could get of the ointment the pharmacist recommended for "a cut". He daubs it generously across Ari's back – and it doesn't make her tense right up so he can only assume it isn't unpleasant. 

Then he has her sit up and starts wrapping her in bandages from her neck right down to her hips."Where are we going?" she asks. "Canada."

[Next]

[messinwitheddie]

In one of your 18 years later au posts you said membranes family stopped talking to them after dib was born.. can I ask why that is?

Also hi I adore your au

First of all, thank you; glad you enjoy my au. ^^

I've been meaning to circle back to that.

I really wish we knew more about the Professor's parents. Too much room for angsty head canons.

Reg "I have all the info on mom's side of the family I need."

Dib "Yeah, the Von Verminstrassers really shove their family history in your face."

Reg "I still have to research your side of the family."

Dib "Would love to help you, but I know next to nothing about the Membrane family. Your great grandparents are from Mexico. They were super scientists--well, by 70's standards. Your granddad hasn't spoken to them in decades and they never speak to him. That's literally all I know about them."

Reg "Why don't they talk anymore?"

Dib "Not really sure. Dad and Professor Sr never really saw eye to eye on anything, from what little dad did tell me about him. They stopped speaking when Dad started college. Abuela stopped speaking to dad when he cloned me. She didn't like the fact he was going to raise a kid without being married."

Reg "Seriously?"

Dib "I'm sure there was more to it but that was a big reason she cut ties with dad. It really messed him up for a while."

Reg "Should I just ask granddad about our family tree or--?"

Dib "I wouldn't recommend it. I had to do a similar project when I was in middle school..."

(16 years ago)

Dib "Dad, we're Mexican right?"

Prof. Membrane "We're from America, son. Your abuelo and abuela are from Mexico."

Dib "We're of Mexican descent?"

Prof. Membrane "Correct."

Dib "I ask because there's this family tree project thing I have to turn in on Friday. What else can you tell me about--?"

Prof "I'm running late. Call me after school."

Dib "OK, but-"

Prof Membrane. Todd, you're in charge. Neither of you give him a hard time."

Dib "But-"

Prof Membrane "Love you, boys, daughter; see you in a few days."

Todd "Dad, I have to work tonight. Do you want me to drop you off and I take the-?"

*front door shuts**engine starts, tires screech*

Todd "Car...? O-ok... I'll walk. Is he alright?"

Dib "I don't know."

Gaz "What just happened? Dib, what did you do?"

Dib "I don't know!"

Reg "Have you ever spoken to either of them?"

Dib "Once; I tracked down abuela's number when dad refused to talk to me. She called me an abomination and dad a sell out. I hung up."

Reg "That's horrible. I'm so sorry, dad."

Dib "Hey, that's her dumbass opinion. Dad, Gaz and Todd are the only family we need. The Membrane family tree is just one thing we never discuss in the Membrane family especially infront of your granddad."

Reg "Got it."

Dib "Don't worry about the report. Do as much of the project as you can and eat the C. If your teacher won't give you at least a C, Ms. Bitters and I will have a conversation."

Reg. "Ok."

Dib "And EAT breakfast. Coffee isn't breakfast!"

[belladonnix]

Bog Witch; How To Grow Mushrooms

Ahhhh who doesn't fucking love mushrooms?

Oh you? Then skiddadle this post isn't for you >:(

Anyway, I've been desperate to get into the art of foraging, where I am in the northern hemisphere we're just breaking into spring - soon there will be lots of young shoots and spring greens to monch and cronch on. However what I am most anticipating and excited for is Mushroom Foraging.

Unfortunately, other than the fairly uncommon Morel Mushroom which is usually available between March and May, there won't be any mushyrooms to forage until July at the earliest. And why would I wait for that when I could just buy a fuckin mushroom home grow kit and do it MYSELF.

This is some jank sketchy Oyster Mushroom kit I bought on ebay, I recommend if you wanna grow your own kit to buy an actual reputable one. But I'm poor AND impatient so here we are.

26th February 2021;

So the kit came like this. I didn't get a picture of the patch on the back but I'm assuming it's kind of a self healing injection site. The pack came precultured and all I had to do was cut the + in the middle of the package, soak it in water and spray it every couple days until the mush goblins come and provide me with a bountiful harvest.

More expensive kits come with your substrate and mycelium culture separate and you have to inject the culture with a syringe and needle through a self healing injection site. Other kits come precultured, like this one, and most of the time all you'll have to do is cut, soak and spray. There are pros and cons to both and I hope to get more expensive kits in the future so I can compare the 2, if you guys would like to see that.

So I cut the cross in the pack and laid it face down in some filtered water (it doesn't specify that filtered is required but I can't imagine chlorinated does much good for it). I was originally concerned that because the substrate was cracked that it would be crumbly and fall out of the bag into the water but it retained its shape and somewhat "fused" back together after soaking. The instructions said overnight but I, having no short term memory, period, forgot and left it for almost 24 hours.

2nd March 2021

4 days later

Would you believe me if I told you these 2 pictures were only taken 5 hours apart? And the fuckers are still going.

Please note that mushrooms and fungi don't photosynthesise. They have no chlorophyll and therefore cannot turn sunlight into energy via glucose. A lot of mushrooms get their glucose from their host plants (i.e. trees, roots underground, etc.) Which I think is why seed and sawdust are great substrate for mushrooms like this to grow in.

Mushrooms ARE however photoSENSETIVE and will grow toward light sources, contrary to the popular belief that they ONLY grow in the dark, which is why most mushroom kits are provided with a box that covers most of the culture apart from where you want the mushrooms to grow from.

Direct sun however is likely to damage them or stunt their growth so either a light shady place or out of direct sunlight will do perfectly.

3rd March 2021

Overnight growth! An insane jump in size this morning at 11am, this photo was taken just 20 hours after the last.

What's even better? The fungus is now PINNING!!

The pins like to be kept super hydrated until they form proper mushroom clumps or baby mushrooms so I'll spray them daily until then, then every other day.

4th March 2021

Overnight explosion in size. Looking very very closely I can see the gills are opening just a little. Looks like I didn't need to wait long for baby mushrooms after all.

5th March 2021

Das a big boy. At this stage the gills are starting to become more apparent and they're starting to smell more and more like mushrooms!

There's some yellowing on some of the caps so I'll have to see how that goes but some of them should be okay to eat.

6th March 2021

Yuh uhhhh. I would say these are about done! See that some of the caps are yellowing on the sides and even closing upward? We don't want this to happen to anymore of them so we'll pick them now.

Hold at the base and twist to release the CLOMP .

I immediately took them to the kitchen to prepare them, split them into 3 sections; cooked one, stored the other 2.

Incredibly Important Initial Impressions;

Not disappointed in the least; fried with a lil olive oil, some butter and some garlic, they have a slightly chewy but buttery texture. Taste wise, I'd say they're not your average button mushroom from the supermarket. They're meatier, earthier, and have a slightly but pleasantly bitter after taste. Hardly noticeable but very welcomed.

They unfortunately don't taste like oysters OR the souls of the damned.

What am I planning on using them for?

Well I'm going to be cooking one of the other clumps for my mum, since she can't eat garlic her's need to be cooked separately. As for MY other clump, I'm going to prepare it and have myself a heavenly Ramen Feast tonight.

Conclusion

I had a lot of fun growing this, especially since it didn't take nearly as much time as I initially thought it would. My aggressively impatient brain is grateful for that.

If I grew more kits in the future and you would be interested in seeing me document them, let me know in your reblogs!

Yours sincerely,

Local Bog Cryptid xoxo

[chaosnightmare]

so MY go to lazy meals are as follows:

(these all come from me, a guy whos mental wellness has gotten so bad he could barely move like 8 times before, so you know these are LEGIT no effort meals)

Cheesebread Sandwich:

youre gonna need some cheese and some sandwich bread. any variety of either will do but i use cheddar and white bread

if all you have is block cheese you can cut it if you want but you can also just tear it off with your teeth and use your mouth to gently place it on the sandwich (not spit it out on there we're not in the stone ages anymore)

spread some butter on both pieces of bread, if you dont have or cant afford or cant eat butter etc then uh. dont

put the damn cheese

you know how to make it a sandwich from there surely

done

Ketchupbread Sandwich

its exactly what it sounds like

dont put anything else on there its just ketchup and white bread

this will hurt you if you eat it. still filling

Woah! Chocolate

chocolate of your choice

you make it by unwrapping the chocolate and putting it in your mouth

woah!

Cup of Brown Sugar

youre gonna want a cup, some brown sugar, and probably a spoon

😏

0 Effort Eggs

crack an egg into a bowl

or more than one egg if youre starving

get a fork and whisk that shit!!

pop it into the microwave for im gonna say.. 1 minute 30 seconds more or less it depends on your microwave

stir and recook as needed

thats eggs. add salt if you want

Fancy Popcorn

bag of microwavable popcorn, fan favorite of effort haters everywhere

you make the popcorn. just. just put it in the microwave it really does the rest on its own

crack the top of the bag open ever so slightly and pour some lawrys salt in. if youre like me youre gonna want to dump a truckload in there. this will have long term effects on your overall health

if you dont have that just get a ramen flavor packet and put it in there. less effort than actually making the ramen. ive never done this so it may taste like shit just be prepared

there

Cold Pop Tart

dont even bother toasting it

Graham Crackers and Fun Surprise Filling

you know graham crackers?

you got nutella?

sandwich out of that

Just The Nutella Actually

works! make sure you have a spoon i guess

Super Mario Brothers Wii

get some premade biscuits that you just cook in the oven and theyre done

dont put them in the oven yet, get some hot dogs

cut them in half and stuff the half dogs into the biscuits

cook biscuits. doesnt matter if the hot dogs are really done you can basically eat them raw anyways

i dont know why i called it that its really just more like Pigs In A Sleeping Bag

Tuna Casserole

ayyy everyone likes it! everyone likes it.

get some pasta, i like the shells for this

tuna canned tuna from the crocery store

both some cheese sauce and some shredded cheese if youve got both. i use cheddar

make the pasta

get some cream of mushroom and cream of chicken and add about half of both in there, more if needed. the cream of mushroom adds texture and the cream of chicken adds flavor

get uhh get umm. get

get the tuna just dump it in

stir

now that the pots hot you can add your cheese. start with a bit of the cheese sauce and then gradually stir in your shredded

you can also just tear up some other cheese configuration until its close enough to shredded

you can stop anytime its already okay to eat

you really dont have to but if youre feeling good you can put it in a casserole dish and bake it for extra goodness. i recommend putting some saltine crackers and melted butter in a ziplock bag and crushing it all and then putting all that on top of your casserole before you bake it

again you can really take it out whenever just dont burn the house down

thanks for reading

[jjmaybanksblog]

Taken- JJ Maybank

Request: hi ! I was wondering if you’d be interested in doing 111, 131 & 160 with jj - his best friend gets kidnapped by the two dudes who were looking for the compass at john b’s place & he has to find a way to get her back? 💖

(Not my gif, credit to the owner!)

Summary: You've been taken by the square groupers and JJ is anxious to get you back.

Word count: 2,484

Warnings: Kidnapping, violence, crying, fear, abuse, cursing, mentions of bruises and blood, angst and fluff.

Prompts:

111. “I’ll kill you, you sick bastard. I’ll kill you, you’re a fucking monster who deserves to die.”

131: “If I wanted you dead, this room would be a lot quieter.”

160: “Stop fighting!”

"Hey, has anyone heard from Y/N? I tried calling her to invite her to come surfing with us but she never picked up or texted me back." JJ said to the Pogues, walking back to John B's from the beach. His friends checked their phones, all of them shaking their heads.

"I mean you know her, she's either asleep or painting something outside. But we gotta go get her anyway if we're gonna go eat at The Wreck." John B suggested already walking to his van. JJ sat in the back of the van, an odd feeling in his stomach. Pushing back the feeling, he relaxed into the seat.

A quick five minute drive went by before they arrived at your house. Your car was still in the driveway, your parents not home due to them working. They walked through the front door, they stopped in their steps as they took in the sight in front of them.

The couch and dining room table was flipped over, papers and small objects scattered the floor. There was a hole in the wall next to the front door. Broken plates and bowls were shattered all over the kitchen floor. JJ ran down the hallway into your room to see it completely destroyed as well. 

Photos of you and the Pogues were torn apart, your bed was flipped to the side, some clothes were splayed on the floor. JJ stood there like a deer caught in headlights. Pope, John B, and Kie joined his side, all of their jaws fell open. "Holy shit." Pope muttered. JJ walked towards your dresser to see a poorly handwritten note.

'This is your warning.' JJ slammed his fists down against the wood, "damn it! God fucking damn it!" He yelled, his face now red with anger and fear. The Square Groupers had gotten to you, kidnapping you to warn John B and his friends that they were not messing around. 

JJ fell to his knees, his hands picking up a ripped up picture of the Pogues, all of them were smiling and genuinely happy. Now, if you took a look at someone in the group, everybody looked desperate and broken.

__________________

You woke up, your mind groggy and your body ached in pain. The last thing you remember was a rag being smacked over your mouth before darkness took over. You attempted to push the hair out of your face, however the tight feeling of a rope was wrapped around your wrists. You turned your head, noticing the dark and abandoned room you were sitting in.

Your mind felt like a static TV, it was functioning however you couldn't focus on anything. Fear flooded your veins as you connected the dots, remembering the square groupers attacked you in your house. You groaned out in pain, the sound being muffled by a piece of duct tape covering your mouth. Heavy footsteps marched down a small staircase, one of the men walking up to you with a water bottle in his hand.

"If I take this off of you are you gonna scream?" You shook your head no. In this short period of time, you had the option of fighting against a man whose way stronger than you, or doing what you're told in hopes that they don't kill you regardless. The man titled the water bottle up towards your lips, your body melting as the liquid hit your tongue.

"Alright. Tell me what you know about the compass." "I don't know." You lied through your teeth. "I said what do you know about the compass?" He raised his voice, making you flinch for a moment. "I said, I don't fucking know!" You fought back however you resisted, making him furious. He hooked his arm back before his fist collided with the side of your face.

You yelped in pain, panting as your mouth began to taste the metallic trait of blood. He crouched down to your level. "You know, if I wanted you dead, this room would be a lot quieter.” He taped over your mouth and marched back upstairs, leaving you to pray that The Pogues would come find you.

_____________________

JJ paced back and forth in the Chateau, his hands pulling on his hair from stress. "Jesus christ, they took her. They just marched right in and took her. I swear to god if they lay a single hand on her I'm gonna-" "JJ!" Kie shouted at the boy who immediately stopped in his place.

"Stop thinking about how she got taken and help us find a way to get her back." John B placed his hands on the blonds shoulders, "we're gonna find her." 

"We could try telling Peterkin." JB offered, Pope and JJ immediately shooting the idea down. "You never fucking trust cops, are you kidding me?" JJ snapped. "Okay well what the hell do you want us to do? Wait around until her dead body washes up on shore?" John B raised his voice, getting in his friends face.

"Don't even say that shit dude. Don't even bring it up." JJ stepped forward before Kie stepped between the two Pogues. "Jesus, stop fighting! When we were in her house we couldn't find her phone, right? Pope, do you think you could try to find her location?" 

Pope nodded his head, instructing that he would need strong wifi and a good computer. JJ recommended the hotel he works at as a busboy, a kook hotel that had one of the strongest connections in the Outer Banks. 

_____________

Your eyes struggled to remain open, both men had walked down stairs to try to interrogate you. However, you remained silent which only aggravated the men even more which forced them to throw punch after punch at your body.

It had been about three days since your kidnapping, the three days felt like four months. Your eyes felt heavy, your mouth was dry but the only thing you could taste was pure metal. Your ribs and chest ached, only imagining how many bruises littered your skin. Your wrists no doubt had rope burn due to every move you made.

You slugged in your seat as you heard footsteps trample down the wooden steps. You closed your eyes and automatically assumed it was the men. "Holy shit, guys she's down here!" Your eyes snapped open to see Pope running towards you. JJ stopped at the foot of the stairs, taking in every detail he saw.

He saw all the dark bruises, the small cuts, the irritation of your wrists, your eyes were red and had dark bags, Tears welded your eyes as you exhaled, the tape trapping your actual breath. Pope reached down and began to unite your legs. John B and Kie joined Pope to help untie the ropes and help you walk.

JJ heard the sound of footsteps above him, signaling that the square groupers were home. He sped upstairs, ready to kill the men who did this to you. You told John B to follow him, Kie and Pope telling him they would help you up the steps. Kie gently pulled the tape off your mouth allowing you to gasp, finally able to breathe normally.

The two helped you stand up, your legs nearly went numb after the blood began to flow back down. Step by step, they led you up back stairs to see one of the square groupers knocked unconscious on the floor. JJ was on top of the other one, beating his face in one punch at a time.

JJ threw a hooked punch directly to the side of his face, grunting with each action he did. Blood covered his knuckles as his face was red from pure anger. “I’ll kill you, you sick bastard. I’ll kill you, you’re a fucking monster who deserves to die. You never put your hands on a lady." 

John B ripped JJ off of the grouper, telling him that was enough. JJ took one last look at the man before spitting on his face, "and that was your warning to never mess with a pogue." His eyes switched to see you in between Pope and Kie, their arms around your waist as yours were splayed around their shoulders.

He walked up towards you, "is it okay if I pick you up?" You nodded your head as he crouched down into position. Carefully, he picked you up bridal style. "Is this okay?" He whispered before you agreed. He carefully walked out of the house and into John B's van.

JJ carefully sat you down on the seat, allowing you to get comfortable. The drive was silent, no one knowing what to say that wouldn't upset you. Every bump the van hit caused your aches to hurt. JJ who was sitting across from you, reached forward and held your hand. Without looking away from the window, you gently squeezed his hand.

As soon as you returned to the Chateau, JJ was by your side and ready to carry you. You told him you would be able to walk, but as soon as you took one step your knees almost buckled. JJ and Pope were right by your side to help you stand.

They led you into the house and carefully let go of you, standing back as you stepped in place trying to regain feeling in your legs. "Do you need anything?" John B asked, handing you a bottle of water. You quickly uncapped it and chugged the liquid, panting as you crumpled the bottle in your hand.

"Some food and a shower would be nice. Maybe some sleep." You said before throwing the bottle away. "I can go to the Wreck to get us food." John B offered. "I'll come with." Pope stepped up. "And I'll go to your house and pack some things for you to take here." Kie said. Your heart melted at your friend's offers. "You guys are the best."

John B initiated a group hug, everyone careful on where their hands were. The trio left the house, leaving JJ and you alone. "Do- do you think you could sit in the bathroom with me? I don't really wanna be alone." You whispered, your cheeks lightly pink at your question. Without hesitation JJ agreed.

You walked into the bathroom, JJ behind you as he closed the door. Without you having to ask, he turned around to face the door, allowing you to change out of your dirty clothes. Turning on the water, you stepped in and allowed the cool water to hit your skin. You nearly cried at the feeling as the droplets hit your skin.

You raised your hands up to run through your hair, immediately hissing in pain as you stretched your torso. "Are you okay?" JJ asked from the other side of the curtain. The boy sat on the lid of the toilet, patiently waiting if you needed any help or you fell. "I- I uh can't reach my hair without it hurting." You said.

JJ went silent for a moment, "do you need help?" You muttered a soft 'yeah'. "Do you care if-" you quickly interrupted him. "JJ you've been my best friend for 9 years, I don't care if you see my body." 

JJ stripped down to his boxers before stepping through the curtain. His cheeks flushed a light pink as he switched his gaze up to the ceiling. You turned around and faced away from the water. JJ lathered your hair with shampoo and conditioner, his fingers giving you a soft scalp massage.

You melted into his touch, nearly moaning at how good the feeling of soap on your skin made you feel. He stood aside and let the water hit your head, carefully running his fingers through your hair he rinsed the conditioner out. "And you are all clean," he started turning the shower off, "you can dry off and I'll get you a pair of clothes you can borrow." You thanked him as he carefully slid by you, still avoiding looking at your nude body.

You slowly reached out and grabbed the towel, carefully wrapping it around yourself. JJ quickly returned with a set of his shorts and an old band shirt. Allowing you to hold onto him to balance yourself, you slipped on the shorts. "I think I can get it over my arms." You said, your arms out directly in front of you. He helped you slide it on, his eyes continued to avoid your naked chest.

JJ had always been there for you from the day you met. From shoving the 5th grade bully into the wood chips because he laughed at you, to asking you to freshman homecoming after the boy you liked got asked by another girl. He would bring you food or snacks whenever you were on your period. He was the one who took the time to teach you how to surf. He was your best friend and you were his and nothing could separate you two.

JJ led you to his room and watched as you carefully laid down in the bed. You let out a moan of pleasure at the feeling of the soft fabric pressing against your skin. "Can you hold me?" You whispered avoiding eye contact with him. "Of course Y/N, I didn't plan on leaving you alone." JJ went around the bed to lay next to you.

His arm carefully rested at the top of your thighs, the only area near your waist that wasn't hurt. You snuggled into his chest, melting into his touch as he held you close to him. Soft sobs escaped your lips as your body shook in it's spot. "Shhh. It's okay. I'm right here." He whispered, stroking the back of your head.

"I'm so sorry we didn't find you sooner." He mumbled to the top of your head. "Don't apologize J, you guys found me. You guys saved my life." You said, slowly pulling away to look at him. He placed a soft kiss to your forehead. His stare landed at the dark black eye you had gotten. "But you got hurt." He whispered, his fingers holding the bottom of your chin to get a better look.

You held him by the wrist, "but I'm alive. I'm right here J." He shifted closer towards you, holding you in his arms where you were supposed to be. For the first time in 2 nights you were both able to close your eyes and feel at peace. "Get some rest Y/N, I'll wake you up when the food is here." He pressed another soft kiss to your forehead before you shut your eyes.

Snuggling closer to him, you placed a soft kiss to his neck and rested your forehead in the middle of his chest. "I love you." He smiled. resting his cheek on the top of your head. "I love you too."