#but we'll be opening that link Live when it drops!

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

I remember you stating that you were gonna try and stream for when the website updates! We're you gonna stream as soon as it does or are you gonna set a time for it?? I wanna be able to try and join!

it'll be a When It Drops kinda thing! i'm not patient enough to wait!

[ladyloveandjustice]

Mental Illness in Anime

I saw someone say Komi Can't Communicate is the only anime they've ever seen that talks about mental illness and that's kinda sad, so for you to not end in the same boat, I've decided to put together an overview of mental illness in anime, what I'd recommend, what comes with caveats, and so on.

It's a little nebulous what "talks about mental illness" means as lots of anime depict characters who are very obviously depressed, traumatized and even suicidal (suicide will be mentioned a lot in this list, so watch out for that), but don't directly name mental illness. It is very stigmatized in Japan, even moreso than many other countries, you don't see much talk about therapy and so on.

However, naturally there are many Japanese people who are mental health advocates, and I found an interview with Makoto Kageyama, a mental health awareness advocate who volunteered at Aokigahara forest. He points out anime he feels deal with mental illness. One we'll cover fully, many of them I haven't watched:

I think the most accurate and positive portrayals I got were actually from Kiriyama Rei (March Comes in Like a Lion), Naruse Jun (The Anthem of the Heart), Miyamura Miyako (ef: A Tale of Memories), Takeya Yuki (School-Live!) and Smile (Ping Pong: The Animation)

I'm super open to suggestions for additions, and might be adding them as reblogs and under the cut.

I'll also be making a post on mental illness in manga if this post does well, which I will link here when I post it.

So I'll start:

Anime that directly discusses mental illness:

March Comes in Like a Lion- not only is the main character one of the most accurate depictions of depression I've ever seen, it's the rare anime that actually talks about counseling, showing a traumatized character attending counseling and slowly getting back on her feet.

Orange--it...certainly is about mental illness, but it's a pretty mixed/problematic one because it seems to be confused by how mental illness works at times. It centers around a character who's suicidally depressed and his friend's efforts to save him after receiving a time travel message about his future suicide. It also does mention offhand that this character was supposed to go to therapy and is skipping out at one point. But yeah, how it handles it is...not always great. It kind of gives an impression that if you try hard enough you can "fix" someone's suicidal depression. With friendship. I guess. You have been warned.

I haven't watched it in a really long time, so it might even be worse than I remember. But I'm including it bc I definitely cried and felt parts of it were very relatable when I saw it way back when. so there's some resonant stuff there.

Monster: Kind of mixed, but it's definitely notable as an anime that not only has a psychiatrist as a major character, but also shows prominent characters going to therapy and getting better. Characters go to him for alcoholism, depression, PTSD (PTSD is not named but yeah it's definitely PTSD). At one point he helps a main character recover some repressed traumatic memories.

What makes it mixed is that while several heroes definitely are mentally ill in some way, the (complex) antagonist of the series also has some sort of mental health condition , and the story is often weirdly muddled about it. At one point they make it out like he has Dissociative Identity Disorder (calling it "split personality") but then he never shows any symptoms of that and it's kind of dropped and not bought up again. He does definitely have repressed traumatic memories though, so maybe that's all they were getting at but said it very badly.

A heroic character that actually seems to have Dissociative Identity Disorder and YMMV in how it's handled and how accurate it is. It's a "the other personality is violent" one, but rather than the other personality being evil, it's. a defense mechanism, and the violence is always in self defense or defense of others..

Sort of names the problem:

My New Boss is Goofy: One of the main characters is recovering from an abusive boss, and definitely has anxiety attacks and flashbacks as a result. This is directly named as "trauma" (though much like in the West where the loan word came from, anime characters use the words to refer to minor things that aren't mental illness too. But in this case it's treated very seriously). At any rate, the entire anime is about others helping the MC slowly recover with his new boss and friends showing immense compassion for his anxiety and other problems. Here's a good article going into it!

Anime that focuses on social anxiety:

I think what stands out about Komi is that it directly says she has a communication disorder, but tons of anime focus on characters with social anxiety, and even state what the problem is directly.

Bocchi the Rock- The girl with the social anxiety is the main character and not the bland self insert guy who has a crush on her?, amazing. it lets her be a mess too? whaaat. Yeah, Bocchi does say directly she has severe social anxiety, and the series is very relatable in how it explores that. There are a lot of gags about it, but in a knowing, sympathetic way. Her recovery is realistically slow, and sometimes she backslides. She talks directly about her social anxiety, using the term.

Tsuritama: MC's social anxiety is so bad he can have panic attacks when people talk to him...the attacks are also represented in this really interesting way where they have water come in to drown him.

My Roommate is a Cat: Man dealing with social anxiety slowly recovers with the help of his cat. It's cute. Here's an article going into it!

Anime that don't namedrop mental illness directly, but really resonates:

Natsume's Book of Friends: I wrote an entire article about how relatable it is to me and my mental illness, how it uses the characters seeing yokai as metaphor for mental ilness at times (Natsume was textually mistreated by so-called guardians who thought he "wasn't right in the head" and his grandmother was often called that too) but also Natsume shows a lot of textual symptoms of trauma (possibly PTSD), depression and so on, and they're explored very poignantly. Here is my article: “The Courage to Speak”: Mental illness and recovery in Natsume’s Book of Friends

Revolutionary Girl Utena: Probably one of the most poignant explorations of what it means to be depressed and traumatized as a teenage girl. Several moments with Utena herself resonate, starting with when she was a child and declares she doesn't want to go on living, Anthy is also...dealing with a lot, and it's powerful how the show goes into it.

Neon Genesis Evangelion-- Many characters in it show symptoms of mental illness. Though it isn't named as depression directly (i think?), but Shinji shows every symptom you can think of, and the director Anno has said that he was extremely depressed while making it and channeled a lot of that into the characters, and we definitely see his mental journey for the better very strongly reflected in the reboot.

Kyousougiga: One of the main characters is suicidally depressed (this one is graphic, because he commits suicide on screen...only it turns out he can't die), and his journey towards becoming okay with living is a focus and was very resonant to me.

She and Her Cat: A short anime about a girl who definitely has depression and how her cat helps her. Rather simplistic ending but it's good otherwise. CW animal death too, but in a very gentle way.

Haibane Renmei: It deals with suicidal depression and other mental health struggles in a pretty intense way, it's touching, but if you have triggers consider looking into it.

Fruits Basket: Truly a cocktail of mental illnesses among the cast. YMMV on how it's handled but some parts really resonate. These articles go into it:

The Always Smiling Girl: How Tohru critiques toxic positivity

“A Man Who Can Experience His Feelings”: Fruits Basket, toxic masculinity, and mental health

Colorful: This is a submission from Nickyenchilada from the notes of this post: "I would also recommend the movie/novel Colorful. I think YMMV on how it handles the central issue of suicide but I think it does portray how even kids can be thrust into very complex situations without necessary outlets for coping with them."

Vinland Saga: This was an addition I got from a discord conversation, the entire second season explore the main character's PTSD

Yuri on Ice- A conversation on discord reminded me that a lot of people read Yuri as having an anxiety disorder, which I can totally see!

A Silent Voice- a submission from @boku-no-anime-phase who says: "I think it deserves its own shout out! This movie is nuanced, gentle, beautifully told and brimming with hope. I love the fact that just like in real life, things don't resolve particularly easily; but the characters make important progress that's rewarding to watch. TW for suicide discussion, ideation and attempt".

Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai - From boku-no-anime-phase who says: "YMMV but there's an arc that deals with bullying and memory loss where a character who deals with those things is supported and encouraged through it".

My Happy Marriage - From boku-no-anime-phase who says: "also YMMV but I think there were some lovely moments in this where you can see Miyo beginning to heal from her trauma and abuse, and learn to trust."

Anime Feminist has a whole host of articles on mental health in anime and they're all here. It covers a lot of different anime I don't know about or didn't mention and offers a lot of cool perspectives, so check 'em out! Here's a few that stuck out to me:

Finding Inner Magic: Depression in The Ancient Magus’ Bride

(I don't like this anime's narrative due to the issue with the ending pointed out in this article, but it did have resonant moments of exploring depression).

How Clean Freak! Aoyama-kun compassionately handles mental illness

The Sound of Depression: Liminal spaces, sound design, and Super Cub

From Yandere Girlfriends to Social Anxiety: Handling mental illness in The Future Diary and A Silent Voice

Footnote on Hikikomori in anime:

Any anime that focuses on Hikikomori characters are dealing with characters that are mentally ill, as being so depressed/traumatized/agoraphobic/anxious you can't even leave your room or house is obviously not mentally healthy. But what really matters is how that’s handled and if these issues are explained, as Makoto Kageyama notes:

Usually, the most common issues I’ve seen covered is the “hikikomori phenomena” and light eating disorders. Basically, a bullied character that becomes a recluse out of social anxiety, but… The characters don’t usually get shown correctly, since their issues are not explained properly and basically it ends up with a “Hey, see? People are not that bad, we are your friends!” and “Yay, I have friends, I am cured and I can trust others again!” Which is not the case, because real hikikomori can take a lot of talk and patience to get them out and when they get back to normal society (if they do), they become very wary of others. And ironically, “hikikomori” has also been used as a “moe trait” in anime even though it’s a mental health issue.

One I saw a lot of people namedrop as handling it well when I googled around was Welcome to the NHK, though I haven't seen it. But, if you look at Nickyenchilada's take in the comments to this post, it's mentioned as being resonant and it's noted that the recovery is not an easy fix, and it's also noted that several characters in the story are mentally ill.

Bonus list:

Neurodiversity in Anime- (that don't namedrop mental illness directly, but really resonate)

I initially didn't include a neurodiversity section in this post because I honestly could not think of any anime that directly talks about neurodiversity or has a textually neurodivergent character.

(However, there are manga that actually do! I pointed some out in my Mental Illness and Neurodiversity in Manga post I did to complement this one!)

You can also read some articles about neurodiversity in anime here

And the list of characters that can simply be read as neurodivergent is huge, and if I tried to list every popular read it would be endless, plus I don't feel comfortable "diagnosing" any characters with developmental disorders I don't personally have. However, I am willing to take suggestions from others on this one, so here are a few!

Mob Psycho 100 - submitted by boku-no-anime-phase, who says " Mob is autistic and I will die on this hill; the trouble he has with fitting in, relating to others and knowing the right things to do imo stems directly from that."

Princess Jellyfish - submitted by boku-no-anime-phase, who says "I'd be willing to bet that all the women who live in that apartment are neurodivergent. They all have their special interests and they live together in mutual neurodivergent infodumping bliss and it's wonderful. (Unrelated but TW for sexual assault and some transphobia)"

Chihayafuru- submission by @noisepartythumpingmusic who says "It's never noted explicitly, but I firmly believe the main character of Chihayafuru has ADHD, which is perfect for a main character of a sports" josei. As someone who does have ADHD, I personally can totally see that read of Chihaya (the main character)!

Anti-recommendations (as in seems potentially resonant but then drop the ball hard, because if I listed all the anime that's blatantly gross about mental illness from the second the subject comes up we'd be here all day) (Dead Dove Do Not Eat)

Wonder Egg Priority: Starts out like it's going to be a nuanced exploration of recovering from abuse, suicidal depression, and so on, only to end up incredibly stupid and offensive. The writer also believes some stupid and misogynist things about "reasons" girls commit suicide. This article goes into it a little.

Your Lie In April: Depiction of depression and trauma is completely undermined by how all the characters tell the MC he needs to get over it because his talent for piano is more important, and the clumsy, gross take on forgiving your abuser, and so many other things. This article goes into it.

---

And that's it for now! Again. I might be updating this with new stuff based on feedback or me remembering something I missed, through both updates and adding stuff under the cut.

[canmom]

Animation Night 189: Nonphotorealistic

There is a funny trend in animation-related terminology to define things by what they aren't. Animation is any technique for creating film that isn't live action. Limited animation is any style of 2D animation that doesn't follow the conventions of Disney's 'full animation' on 1s and 2s - a category that includes a wildly diverse range of approaches and techniques, as this wonderful history by Animation Obsessive describes.

In 3DCG circles, there is a similar term: nonphotorealistic. Which describes, naturally, anything that isn't trying to look like a photograph of a real scene. There has been a real boom in this of late, and just like the other terms, it really doesn't narrow it down very much. Other terms like 'hybrid animation' add a bit more hints.

Of course, if you've been anywhere near animation in the last few years, you'll probably know another term: 'Spiderverse style'.

There is no denying that Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse (2018) by Sony Pictures Animation was an absolute landmark for animation. (I wrote about it way back on AN21, focusing more on the cultural angle.) The ludicrously stylish film pretty much set the direction for animation in the 2020s - making a bunch of money and awards and thus finally throwing open the door to 3DCG animation that doesn't look like the style set by Pixar/Dreamworks in the 2000s. Its sequel, Across the Spiderverse (2023), was even more ambitious and successful (despite a troubled production involving a lot of needless crunch). We'll be showing that soon in a Spiderverse double bill so look forward to it!

So perhaps not surprising that when people see the use of graphical styles, 2D elements, limited framerates and the like in 3DCG these days, Spiderverse comes to mind. In its wake have come various films and series that apply these and related techniques: 3DCG animation is more varied than ever, and it's cool.

It isn't really a style, tho.

Here I'm indebted to youtuber Camwing who has made a nice video overview breaking down the animation of recent movies in this vaguely defined paradigm. Among them we have The Mitchells vs the Machines (2021, also Sony), Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (2022, Dreamworks), and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem (2023, animated at the French/Canadian studio Mikros animation), and of course over on Netflix you got the wildly popular League of Legends spinoff series Arcane (2021, Fortiche Productions), and the romance film Entergalactic (2022, DNEG), tying in with an album of the same name.

None of these films has exactly the same style, but they all pull from a related bag of tricks. The core techniques are animating on reduced framerates for a 'snappy', high-clarity feeling, the combination of 2D and 3D elements in some fashion, and taking inspiration from traditional media such as paintings or comic books.

For example, Arcane and Entergalactic both use the trick of 2D backgrounds/projecting paintings onto 3D geometry, inhabited by 3D characters with a stylised shader. Arcane is dripping with 2D visual effects. Puss in Boots drops the framerate during its action scenes - the opposite of the old paradigm of full animation, where fast actions would get more frames. Spiderverse draws 2D expressions onto its 3D models to push them further, and is full of all kinds of colourful stylised rendering - screentone effects, kirby dots, outlines, the works.

It's tempting to link this to 2D-in-3D animation, and certainly many of these films apply this technique - this is the major niche where Blender has found its way into industry pipelines. But using 2D isn't mandatory to count here. For example, TMNT Mutant Mayhem has an incredibly striking storybook-painting style, accomplished largely by clever shader work and a strong sense of graphic design. Genndy Tartakovsky's canned 2014 Popeye project was planning to use a ton of 2D-style posing and squash-and-stretch, accomplished largely with rigged 3D models. There are many paths to take!

And mind you, I haven't even covered one of the biggest angles here. Search for nonphotorealistic 3DCG on Youtube and what you'll probably find most is information about cel-shading - aka 'anime style'. This has also advanced considerably in the last few years, with the techniques pioneered by Arc System Works in Guilty Gear such as editing the normals of characters for more precise control over shading, and minute adjustments to break up the mechanical feeling of 3D, becoming widely copied in both games and films. (And particularly, animated porn.)

Vtubers in particular have really run with this technique, generally speaking using cel-shaded models with edited normals, inverted eyes, etc. etc. to try and get the feeling of an anime character come to life. [You can see a lot of these state of the art techniques if you download Pixiv's free VRoid Studio software and import the model into Blender using the VRM plugin.]

Naturally this kind of cel-shaded approach has found a particular home in Japan. In anime, the biggest champions of it are certainly Studio Orange, whose hybrid approach involves planning out shots with 2D animation before matching them with the rigs. We've covered their adaptation of Houseki no Kuni in great detail on Animation Night 97; their Trigun reboot was perhaps even more popular. But cel-shaded techniques, 3D previs and the like have also made their way into big films like Eva 3.0+1.0 (AN66).

Although this type of rendering aims to recreate the look and feel of 2D animation as much as possible, it always ends up being something new: character models that would be too complex to draw, an ease to 3D movements and camerawork that would be challenging in 2D, and generally a new hybrid style. This is good! 2D animation is already very good at being 2D animation - it's fascinating to see what 3DCG becomes with that inspiration.

So with that brief overview, where does that take us tonight?

I'm not quite ready to do a Spiderverse double bill tonight, so instead the plan is to check out a couple of recent American franchise films that are taking on the new suite of techniques. I've mentioned them up above, but let me introduce them more fully here.

Puss in Boots: The Last Wish is a sequel to a fairly unpopular spinoff about a side character of the Shrek franchise (AN75). Not, on its face, very promising - which is why it is all the more striking that I was told on all sorts of sides that I must watch this movie. I'm finally going to make good on that.

The title character is a kind of feline musketeer type, now facing the end of his swashbuckling career as he's lost 8 of his 9 lives. Not wanting to hang up his hat, he goes on a quest to restore them. What makes it stand out its the action scenes, which go all in on the anime-influenced, extreme perspective and lighting, limited framerate style that we're discussing above. Apparently it looks sick as shit.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem is a fresh reboot of the venerable TMNT franchise, which pretty much describes itself in the title: four turtles (named after Renaissance painters, of course!) live in a sewer as ninjas, led by their aging master who is a rat. Starting as a comic book, it became one of the iconic toyline-driven TV shows of the 80s - but it's still going! Indeed, Turtles has been on a roll of late (at least going by animator scuttlebutt), with Australian studio Flying Bark Productions turning a lot of heads with their neo-Kanada School style (and for really stretching the definition of 'storyboard').

This new film takes a different approach to the bombastic action of Rise. It focuses on a new origin story for the turtles, telling a kind of coming of age story - but what makes it unique is the animation style and cinematography. Cinéma vérité is not a phrase you really expect to be associated with ninja turtles, but the film seems to really go all out in a way you wouldn't really expect from a franchise movie, shooting the young turtles in a handheld style and focus heavily on character. Marcel Reinhard's shader work, allowing the animators to isolate lights to specific objects and characters and introducing graphical elements of cross-hatching, stippling, etc. etc. to the lighting, gives it a uniquely painting-like feeling, augmented by a lot of 2D creativity in lighting and effects.

Turtles has never really been my thing, but this film looks unique enough that I really want to see it - and I hear it's a good film too.

So that's our bill for tonight! Puss and Turtles. Let's see what the big studios have been cooking of late...

Animation Night 189 will be starting around 10pm UK time (roughly three hours hence) and carrying on til about 2-3am same! We'll be on twitch.tv/canmom as usual. Hope to see you there!

[dominimoonbeam]

Audio Script - A4A Car Crash Meet Cute

If we're not in peril, are we even trying to fall in love? I wrote this a while ago and would love to put it out there for audio artist to pick up if they're interested but I'm not really sure how to go about that, so we'll start here! <3

You're welcome to record this script but please give me credit and a link so I can listen too! And, you know, don't put it behind a paywall. But if you want to pay me to make you your own scripts, you're welcome to contact me. <3 <3

Audio artists be warned, I seem to make a lot of background sound notes. Good luck, brave creators! I believe in your sound magic! tags: car accident, minor injury, definitely could have died, meet cute in peril, older siblings friend

Car Crash Meet Cute

[cracking trees]

[muffled radio glitching]

[muffled engine running]

[rain patter]

[all sounds waving in and out before focusing]

[creaking trees as the car slides a little more]

[voice muffled from outside the door] Hey! Hey, can you hear me?

Are you awake? Can you hear me?

Don’t move! You’re going to be okay.

Hang on, I’m going to open the door slowly…

[door creaking open, wet forest sounds]

[breathing hard] Hang on, okay? Don’t move until I figure out… Shit…

Hm? No, I wasn’t in the car that hit you, but I saw it… When you went off the road and into the trees, I thought… Well, I thought you’d gone right off the mountain.

No, you’re not going off the edge. I’m getting you out, okay? It looks like these trees are holding the weight of the car but…

[creaking/snapping trees, radio cuts out]

I don’t think we can wait for help…

[creaking trees]

I’m going to reach in and undo your seatbelt, okay? I don’t want you to move yet.

[breathing close]

[seatbelt click]

[car groan]

[still close] Okay, I’m going to count to three and you’re going to hug me.

[laughs a little] Yeah, I climbed all the way down here just to trick you into hugging me. I’m going to count to three and then I’m pulling you out of the car, okay?

[car groan and trees crack]

Shhh, it’s okay. It’s okay.

One.

Two.

Three. [sharp inhale, pulling listener out of the wreck and falling to the side]

[tree snapping and car rolling off a cliff]

[heavy breathing, rain patter]

Are you okay? Yeah? [smiling]

Does anything feel broken?

That’s good. You’ve got a cut on your head there, but you look okay. Can you wiggle your arms?

And your feet?

Great. Can you stand?

Take it slow, I’ve got you. We’re not in a hurry anymore.

Don’t-Don’t look off the drop… [worried, listener realizing they almost died] Yeah, if you’d gone over… But you didn’t. You’re okay.

Hey. Look at me.

You’re okay.

Do you want… Is it okay if I hug you?

Yeah? Okay. [hugs] Deep breaths. You’re going to have a great story to tell when you get home tonight.

[laughs a little] Yeah, I’ll give you a ride. I’m not going to run all the way down here to pull you out of a car just to leave you by the side of the road when we climb back out.

Do you feel up to walking? Okay, but if anything starts hurting or you feel sick, let me know, okay? We’ll stop.

Yeah, I called for help on my way down but I lost connection and we’re almost at the top of the pass, I don’t know how long it’ll take for someone to get out here. When we get closer to the road, I can call again and find out, but you’re going to get cold if we wait around down here for help.

[laughs] Okay, you got me, I’ll get cold too.

[walking, foliage rustling and rain drops] Just straight up this way. Your car cleared us a path.

Saved you? No. I did what anyone would have done.

Okay, yeah, anyone but that asshole that knocked you off the road and then kept going…

No, I didn’t get the license plate, but I got the make and model. We’ll file reports when we get to the road. Don’t worry.

So, where were you headed?

Really? Looks like we live in the same town.

All your life?

Oh no… That means we have to know some of the same people. What was our name?

[laughs] Are you related to Alex? No! The notorious baby sibling?

Oh, you are definitely notorious… I can’t believe I didn’t recognize you. I mean, you’ve grown a lot. I think the last time I saw you, you were a freshman in high school.

Alex was painfully clear about none of us being allowed to even talk about you, let alone look at you. One of our friends said he thought he saw you at a café once and Alex sprayed him with a can of beer and kicked him out of the apartment for a week.

It doesn’t matter that it’s been years since high school. Alex is weirdly private about family stuff and super protective about you.

You really didn’t know?

But you knew about that bully you had freshman year, right? Yeah, that junior that kept pulling your hair and pushing you…

You thought he just stopped one day on his own?

Well, yeah, he apologized… After we threw him in the pool. Alex went on a fucking rampage that year to make sure everyone knew to leave you alone after we graduated out. You seriously didn’t know?

[laughs] That’s hilarious.

I wonder how much trouble I’ll get in for this… I mean, I am saving your life—

[half-joking] Oh, yeah, when I tell Alex this story, I’m definitely saying that I saved your life. Imminent peril. If I didn’t touch you, you would have died. That’s the only way I’m going to survive this too.

[losing their smile] Hey… Are you okay?

You’re shaking. The adrenaline is probably wearing off… Here, [clothing rustle] take my jacket.

You’re limping… Does your leg hurt?

Stop for a second. Let me get a look. I’m gonna touch your leg, okay? Tell me where it hurts.

[sympathetic hiss] Okay. I don’t think it’s broken…

No, you probably shouldn’t keep walking on it. We’re not too far from the road. How about I give you a piggyback?

[laughs a little] Yes, Alex will be pissed, but we’re way past that. I hugged you. I might be executed for my crimes.

What? [laughs harder] No, you’re not too heavy. Oh my god, come here.

[picks them up and starts walking again]

[far off siren]

Huh, looks like I don’t have to call again.

We’re almost there, hang on.

[smiling] You want my number? Oh man… you’re going to hate when I remind you about this but… you don’t seem to have your phone on you so I’m pretty sure it’s—

Yeah. With the car. Gone. Definitely gone.

[sirens closer, rain patter on the road] We made it.

No, I’m not going to leave you here to wait for the emergency crew.

Come on, you can sit in my car and warm up. We’ll wait together and I can drive you to the hospital when we’re cleared to go. [car door]

You are definitely going to the hospital. You drove off the side of a mountain…

No, it’s no trouble. There’s nowhere else I need to be.

[laughs] No, it’s not because Alex would be angry if I left you here. I’d rather wait with you and, honestly, I’d like to drive back with you.

[turning on the heater, low music]

[friend-crow]

When I was a kid, I lived down the street from a cemetery. My family went to the same church as the caretakers, and I had relatives buried there, so it was familiar territory. The town is old for the US, with burials back to Revolutionary War veterans, and I liked to ride my bike in the older parts of the cemetery where the mausoleums and old sculptural gravestones were.

One summer evening, I was there with family and got separated from the group, but this being pre-cellphone, we had a plan for that: everyone find their way back to the gate closest to home, and we'll meet up there. So I turned my bike and started working my way back around towards the meetup point.

The cemetery had a few paved main thoroughfares, with side paths being just gravel or dirt paths. The route I picked went up a gravel side path along one edge of the cemetery which was a mix of flat, flush stones and a few short older style headstones. The edge of the cemetery was fenced, with the six foot chain link all overgrown with ivy.

As the sun went down, I was pedaling up the hilly stretch of the side path, watching out across the (largely) open field for any other members of my group.

As I turned my head to look up the path, a figure shot past me down the hill.

It was quick, but I got the distinct impression of a adult or large teenager, standing upright like a rollerblader, moving extremely quickly, and all in vague white. And they passed by me within about two feet.

I immediately dropped a foot and whipped my head around to see what kind of lunatic would go down that hilly gravel path that fast and nearly hit me in the process, and there was absolutely nobody in view.

Nobody! No one on the path. No one in the field of low headstones. No noise. No movement. Nothing.

And as I stood there, looking around baffled, foot crunching in the gravel underfoot as I turned, I realized something.

Whatever that was didn't make any noise on the gravel path.

I changed path slightly to go stand near the family plots while I waited for the others - if something spectral was wandering the cemetery, I'd prefer to have backup from my relatives than be a sitting duck by the side gate.

We ended up moving out of state soon afterwards, and I never got the chance to be on that path at sundown again, but I do wonder sometimes: what did I see? And if I went back on a summer evening, would I see it again?

.

[not-so-mundane-after-all]

Dick & Rachel and the Invisible String theory (part 1)

Well, I finally gave in and decided to write it all down. How can I not when the show is basically slapping me in the face with it? It's all right there, if you're only willing to look. I've been dropping the phrase invisible string in relation to these two here and there for a while now and it's time to give it some more sense.

And yes, I am well aware this might be a stretch - it's Titans, nothing is ever intentionally that deep. But if there's one thing that show ever did right, it's this relationship, from the pilot to the end. So it's worth looking into it for me even if it's only my delusion speaking and it's not officially a thing.

So what is the Invisible String in this case? It's a connection, most likely supernatural, linking these two characters together and tethering them to each other in a way that is unexplainable by either logic or feelings. It plays into the definition of soulmates, though in this particular case other things like fate or magical powers might be connected. It's a bond made of love, fueled by love, but not responsible for it - the characters' feelings feed into it and strengthen it but they are their own and aren't affected by the existence nor strength of the bond. After all, even with the connection already in place, Dick and Rachel could have met and ended up hating each other.

Which means that not every scene they share will end up on this list I've put up here. Most of the time, the characters' actions are driven by their feelings, and the circumstances surrounding the scene are easily explainable. But sometimes, something strange happens and no matter how you look at it, you can't figure out how it happened without the so-called "higher power" at play.

(the higher power in question is most likely my delusion but fuck it we ball)

So where does it start? Obviously, in the pilot episode.

The dream that had started it all. The show is opened by it, it sucks you right in. This is where the String is born. Rachel walks right into Dick's memory of his parents' death and lives through it with him, even though she has no idea about it at the time. The dream we see in the pilot is also not the first time she has it; when she wakes up screaming and her mother comes in to comfort her, Rachel tells her what happened in half-sentences and broken words, not bothering to explain further and Melissa's look of understanding tells us that she already knows the story. The most important detail proving the connection's existence here is in Rachel's words.

"He was so scared. I felt it."

Somehow, thanks to her still developing powers, she was able to feel what he was feeling in that moment, proving that she is indeed inside his memory. Rachel didn't sense Mary's or John's emotions - only Dick's. Because they are gone and he's still alive so the memory is still alive as well.

The only thing the show had never bothered to explain here is the why. Why him? Why this? It feels a little random at the surface level, dreaming about a memory of some stranger you've never met. Even if we're talking about fate, about destiny bringing them together, the question still stands. Why Dick? Why didn't Rachel dream about the moment Gar became a metahuman? Or the moment Kory came to Earth? That one would have made sense, since Kory had been sent with the mission to kill The Raven. Guess we'll never know.

The connection is the most visible from Rachel's end, because her powers come into play. They might even be the reason the String exists in the first place. After her mother is killed, Rachel runs to her hometown's bus station and seemingly randomly picks Detroit as her destination, unaware that this is exactly where Dick is. The String is leading her to him without her even knowing.

But we can see it working through him as well, even though he's human and doesn't have any magical abilities.

We're introduced to a detective/vigilante, who's known in his day job for helping kids. The very first scene we see him in, he's looking through a file of a physically abused child. So the situation in the pilot is not his first rodeo. He's been dealing with kids in his line of work before, troubled kids more often than not. Rescued them from sticky situations (either with or without the Robin suit), and most definitely signed off some papers and handed the kids over to social services. And he never got attached. No matter how bad the situation was. His job required him to not get involved.

But then this kid shows up, a kid who recognizes him somehow (she can sense something familiar about him the second he walks in but doesn't clock it until he tells her his name) and she knows things about him she's not supposed to know. She tells him her mom was killed and his demeanor changes from slightly hostile to compassionate immediately because it's something he can relate to. She's begging for help with eyes full of tears, so blindly trusting despite just meeting him, talking like he's her only hope and his resolve is already starting to break.

And then she takes his hand. Whether intentionally or not, she dives into his head, and her dream and his memory become one. They expand, giving Rachel further glimpses into his past. And they both feel it.

And boy, does it spook him. The weird and very conscious feeling of getting sucked into his own head, the unexplainable connection to this kid in front of him who for some reason is able to dig in his brain, a connection that only seems to be fueled by his growing concern for her and her situation. It clearly freaks him out. He's a lone wolf, he doesn't get attached. Neither his day or night job allow it. So what does he do about it? He runs.

"I can't give you the kind of help you need." But he wants to. And it scares the shit out of him because this shouldn't be happening. This should be easy. Get her statement, check it, call social workers. Sign off a few papers and be done with it. Just another kid, another file, another day at the office.

And yet he has to force himself to leave the room and not give in to her desperate begging. He goes to do what he's supposed to do, turns it into just another case.

He tries to leave it. Makes some calls, grabs his coat and heads out. Dude is already out of the building, ready to call it a day and let someone else take over but something stops him in the middle of the parking lot. A sense of duty? Strange worry twisting his gut? Instinct telling him that something isn't right? Something is pulling him back to this girl and no matter how hard he's trying, Dick can't walk away.

Because you see, the moment Rachel took his hand and they both experienced the memory at the same time, the String solidified. I visualize it in my head as two opposite ends slowly reaching toward each other and when this happens–

–the ends meet. They snap together and two separate pieces of the String become one. Only the thing is, right now it's just a thin thread. Now it's up to them to either break it or make it stronger.

(if somehow you're still reading, I assume you know what happens)

As we dive further into Season 1, there are plenty of moments along the way that show how the String strengthens with Dick and Rachel growing closer. 1x04 especially has a moment that is a definite milestone in their relationship — Dick making a conscious decision to stay and take care of Rachel, no longer afraid of the connection and responsibility. But we don't see the String at work again until episode 1x07, "Asylum".

Now, as a singular event, this next scene doesn't necessarily qualify, because it can be logically, scientifically even, explained. But it's here because it's the first of the several instances creating a pattern across all seasons: a pattern of Rachel bringing Dick back to reality from the confines of his own mind.

She seems to be the only one to have this ability to such an extent as she does, and as the seasons go, we even watch it grow in its effectiveness.

When she finds him, he's been pumped with drugs and kept trapped inside his head for an unspecified amount of time, we can assume more than an hour. He's limp, completely unresponsive and it takes her several tries to wake him up. And what does it? A reminder of what connects them, of the promise he made her, the promise that he will never leave her.

It's not that easy to notice unless you look closely but his eyes gain focus and snap to hers the second she says "You promised!" Unknowingly, Rachel tugs at the String and yanks him back with those two words — she needs him to remember, she needs him back because she's scared, and even though her own mother is standing right behind her, none of it matters because Rachel won't feel truly safe unless he's there to keep her safe — and it works because keeping that promise is a priority to him, it's what keeps him going. "Yeah, I guess I did," he says as he comes to his senses and gives a tiny reassuring smile to let her know that he remembers. And we all breathe with relief (well, I did).

Then we move to the very end of episode 1x10 "Koriand'r".

Why is Dick the only one able to cross the cloaking barrier around Angela's house? Why did he run at it at full speed, determined and so sure he'll break through even though he risked literally crashing into a wall, and went right through it with no problem, while neither Kory nor Donna couldn't? It's simple: Trigon allowed it because he knew about the String. Having similar powers to Rachel, he could sense it in his daughter and decided to use it against her. He even knew when Dick and the girls appeared in front of the barrier. Trigon recognized how important all these people are to Rachel, but there was something about this particular bond that caught his attention and made him realize Dick is the perfect pawn. If he wants to break his daughter, he first needs to break the one person she loves the most.

What deserves a special mention here is a little moment at the end of episode 1x11 "Dick Grayson" because this is the first time in the show that the word "love" is used to describe Dick and Rachel's relationship. And it comes from none other than Trigon himself.

Because you do. He knows. Despite never having met either of them before. Trigon has been back on Earth for what, an hour? And he sensed it right away.

That's it for season 1. I was originally planning to put all seasons in one post but obviously didn't consider that there is a 10 image limit and that I talk too much lol

So if you're curious for more, read part 2 and part 3 here. They will dive into how the Invisible String manifests itself in season 2, and check out part 4 for seasons 3 & 4!

[spuffybaby]

Time to Heal (2)

chapter links: (1) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7)

The potential hallucination was quiet all the way to Buffy's place. They approached the small house, but he'd not spoken, much to her surprise. She was looking at her shoes, but from the corner of her eye continued to make sure that she was not alone again. He stood by her side, she could smell his unique scent next to her as she weakly knocked on the door.

She heard steps, waited impatiently, desperate to crash. Her neck was wet with blood and she was slowly realising it was really trickling from her forehead, she'd hit one of the gravestones when falling.

When Dawn opened the door, she half-expected her not to see the vampire by her side. But she looked at her sister, wide-eyed and with deep concern, then her jaw dropped at the man stood next to her. “Get away from her.”

“Dawn, it's fine,” Buffy said weakly. “I think.”

“You let it make you believe that?”

“He's not the First. He's... I don't know. I...”

“Buffy, come on. What happened?” She wrapped her arm around her older sister, leading her inside, still on guard.

Buffy turned, expecting Spike to follow, but then she lost sight of him when Dawn took her into the living room and helped her sit on the sofa.

“We'll get you all fixed up,” she said, standing to get what she needed to patch up the Slayer.

“Dawn,” Buffy whispered.

She stopped in her step, turning back to her. “What?”

“Invite him in.”

She sank down by Buffy's head, lowering her voice. “Buffy, this cannot be Spike.”

“But you can see him?”

She swallowed, glancing to the open door, though could not see him from where they stood. “Yes.”

“I... I'm not sure what he is. But I touched his hand. He saved me, killed a demon, that was attacking me. And he knows things Spike and I spoke about alone. I... we need to hear him out. We can't risk it. What if it is him? After all he's done? We can't send him away.”

Dawn took a deep breath, nodding. “Just be careful,” she whispered. She stood up. “Spike,” she said, louder this time. “Come in.”

He stepped over the treshold, looking around, then closing the door behind him and making his way over to Buffy on the sofa instantly. He shrugged out of his leather coat, hung it over the back of the armchair opposite the sofa before sinking down by Buffy's side.

Dawn hadn't moved.

He looked up over his shoulder. “I won't hurt her, Niblet,” he promised. “Get what we need to patch her up. She'll be alright.”

Dawn stood a moment longer, her expression blank, watching him closely before following her original plan.

Spike turned back to Buffy, lifting his hand, though lowering it and placing it next to her on the sofa. “You'll be alright,” he assured her. “Hit your head on one of the tombstones is all. Nasty fuckers back there.”

She managed a small smile. “The tombstones?”

“And the slimey bastards.”

“How did you-...”

“Shh,” he shook her head. “I promise I'll explain. But there's no rush.”

Her eyes widened. “You're staying?”

Spike blinked back at her. “Here?” he asked. “I couldn't, I want you to feel safe.” He shook his head. “I'll be close by.”

Buffy rolled her eyes, but winced at the pain it caused her head.

“Hey.”

“Hey, you,” she muttered. “You saved the world, idiot. I feel safe.”

It was his turn to roll his eyes then. “You don't have to-...”

She shook her head as far as she could. “I know. I want you to stay. I want to understand. I...” She closed her eyes, a tear on each side rolling down her cheeks. Oh, what the hell? She looked back up into his eyes. “I missed you.” She'd put him through hell, made him feel unloved, when really, she'd loved him for longer she'd allowed either of them to know. She didn't know how or why he was there. But she had missed him.

His expression was dumbfounded, stalled. “You did?” he mumbled. His voice had risen to a higher pitch, the way it did when he was surprised.

No one could imitate him like that, she was growing more and more sure.

Before she could respond, Dawn re-entered the room with her emergency kit and Spike moved to give her the space she needed, sitting down in the armchair to let her work.

“She'll be alright, Niblet,” he assured her again.

Dawn didn't reply, starting to clean the wound on her sister's head. “What do you want to do with him?” she asked as if it were just the two of them.

“I told him he could stay,” Buffy said, could not see Spike's face behind Dawn. “I want to figure out what happened. And if he really has come back, then...”

“Then what?” Dawn asked, her voice quiter now, though still audible to Spike.

“Well, then we never would send him away, would we?” she asked, looking up at her. She hoped she would understand, as she didn't want to say. Despite all that had happened between them, Spike had had her back, stood up for her, died for all of them. She knew Dawn was protective, but Buffy had caught even her at random points during the day over the past few months missing him. After all, he'd been there for Dawn while Buffy hadn't been able to. “When I came back, you didn't doubt it,” she added, hoping it would be enough.

Dawn took a deep breath, dabbing the wound to disinfect it before beginning to bandage it up. “He'll sleep in the basement,” she announced. “And I'll lock the door.”

Spike chuckled quietly, making her turn around. “Oh, come on.”

“And chain you to the wall,” she added through gritted teeth.

Buffy sighed, shifting forward. “That's not necessary.”

“No, no, pet, it's fine. I'm not going anywhere anyway. If it makes her feel safer.”

Dawn gave him another glare, no less hostile than when he hadn't agreed with her. “Let's go then,” she said. “Buffy needs to rest.”

She packed up the medical supplies, then waited impatiently for Spike to follow her into the basement. It was similar to the one in the house in the Sunnydale, where he'd slept just like that, but where he'd also held Buffy the night before battle, feeling like she really had chosen him as her champion and sent Angel away on account of him. She'd chosen him over Angel of all people, had made him feel, even after seeing them kiss, that they really were headed towards something, that after all, he was no longer grasping at straws. He'd made his choice and stood by it, saving her had always been more important than having her. And yet, when he'd come back, the grief over their journey had consumed him.

“She feels so guilty about you,” Dawn said, snapping him out of his thoughts. “If you really are... you,” she muttered. “Then you better get a grip. I don't care if you have a soul or not, I will kill you if you hurt her.”

He looked up at her with wide eyes as she took the chains out of a box in one of the shelves and attached them to a hook in the wall, as well as his wrists which he held out willingly. “You know I would never.”

He'd been prepared for any possible scanario, Buffy staking him on sight, then Dawn doing so, being sent away. At least he'd been invited in. This wasn't so bad.

“We'll deal with this in the morning,” she said, then, quieter, “Thank you for making sure she got back here safe.”

He gave her a small smile, his lips pressed together as he moved to get as comfortable as he could on the mattress by the wall while Dawn walked back up the stairs. For a moment, he thought he'd imagined it, but he could have sworn he heard her voice again, just as she reached the top of the stairs, and she sounded almost like the little girl that had come to visit his crypt. “Goodnight.”

[loki-cees-all]

Chapter 1 - And the Silence Splits Me Open {TLTGYA - Post!TVA Loki x OFC Longfic}

Prologue / TLTGYA Masterlist / A03 Link / Next Chapter

Pairing : Post-TVA!Loki x Oliviette (OFC)

Chapter Summary : Loki isn’t sure how long he’s been hiding, alone and forgotten, in this damp and squalid dungeon cell, but he’s fine with it. Really, he’s completely and 100% fine with this.

Chapter W/c : 3.1k

Chapter Tags / Content : Heavy Angst

Author's Note : Well - here goes nothing! Hopefully I can maintain a regular schedule of posting chapters on Sundays, but we'll see how it goes? Enjoy!

18+ Only - Minors DNI

⊱ ─ ༓ ── ⋅•⋅⊰ ─  ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ∙ ⋅  ─ ⊱⋅•⋅ ── ༓ ─ ⊰

For nearly every living thing, choice breeds shame, and uncertainty, and regret.

Loki had stopped counting after a thousand days.

A thousand days of darkness, and of silence. Without hearing his own voice, or gazing upon the sunlight, or any type of sustenance. It was lonely to be sure, and some might consider it an unreasonable torture, but Loki didn’t. In fact, he preferred it this way.

Because it was also another kind of milestone - a thousand days without any mistakes. Without betraying or being betrayed, without killing or contributing to the evils in the universe. It was his longest streak ever, but Loki couldn’t give himself too much credit for that; it’s quite difficult to make new mistakes when you’re too busy lamenting on your old ones.

And he had a lot of mistakes to think about.

By now, Loki had memorized the patterns of cracks in the stone walls, winding and splitting their way around the room, much like the cracks in himself. The stone offered no comfort, and neither did the iron bars that made up the only door to the cell. And with no windows to speak of, and the only light coming from poorly lit lanterns in the dungeon hallway, he had become good friends with the darkness.

The walls were broken and imperfect, but still doing their duty. Still confining him, still keeping everyone safe from him. And he was doing his part too - suffering, with nothing but the cries of anguish from the other prisoners to keep him company.

Loki’s muscles, curving and molding unwillingly against the rough stone floor, cried out in agony as he lay on his side. His cell was bleak and unforgiving and exactly what he deserved. But was it really his if whomever was running this place didn’t know he was there?

The guards hadn’t abducted him, like they did the other prisoners, and there were plenty of shadows to hide in. And with no one crying out for help or mercy or salvation, there was no reason for anyone to look inside to see him.

Lately, the prisoner population had started to dwindle - the guards were killing without replacing for some reason. The screams were starting to fade, and with no new stock brought in to replace them, Loki was growing accustomed to the ambient sounds of the dungeon.

Water seeped through the fractures in the stone and condensed along the iron bars of the door. And every falling drop punctuated another memory of another failure as it landed on the hard, cold floor. Jotunnheim. Thanos. Tesseract.

As soon as Loki had stepped through the Time Door, he could smell the snow and ice outside, in spite of the rust and decay inside. For a while he was afraid he’d somehow arrived on Jotunnheim, before he had unleashed the full power of the Bifrost on his ancestral home. Before he discovered what he truly was. Before he ruined everything.

Thor. Frigga. The Dark Elves.

But once Loki finally saw the guards running the dungeon - each one a different species he couldn’t place - he breathed a heavy sigh of relief. He wasn’t anywhere he’d ever heard of before, and it was likely that no one there had ever heard of him either. Thankfully the TemPad didn’t seem to possess the same kind of irony that everything else did.

He used to watch the guards from the shadows, as they dragged screaming and struggling prisoners to their cells and subsequently away again. Loki didn’t know who they were or what they wanted, and he couldn’t bring himself to care. There was nothing he could do to help; in fact, he’d probably just make it worse.

Asgard. Odin. Tesseract.

Occasionally he caught himself wondering if Heimdall, or anyone else back home, could see him now. He didn’t know where or when he was, and it was possible Asgard had already been destroyed during Ragnarok. It was just as possible that everyone he’d ever known simply didn’t exist yet. The TemPad he had stolen was surely dead by now, so there was no way for him to check the sequence he had typed in at random before coming here - and that had been the point.

TVA. He Who Remains. Tesseract.

It somehow always came back to the Tesseract, didn’t it? The most cursed object in the Nine Realms, but no better than a paperweight inside the Time Variance Authority. It had yanked him to and fro, from captor to abuser and back again, uncaring and inconsiderate as it helped them chip away at his own autonomy.

If only he had known the horrors the Tesseract would lead to. If only he’d been in a place where he felt strong and secure about himself before ever coming into contact with it, then a Space Stone wouldn’t have been necessary in the first place. But at least now he could take solace in the fact that he’d never have to see or hear about it ever again.

No one would ever know he was here. The stone and iron were keeping him safe from harm and absolved of choice, but even now, Loki considered his needs secondary to the bigger picture. The dungeon was the only way to stop him from causing more destruction and chaos and death. It was the only way to stop caring.

In fact, Loki cared so little that he was still wearing the TVA uniform. It was conspicuous, but as long as he stayed in the shadows, what would be the point of using magic to change his clothes? When the clothes could serve a larger purpose - a reminder of how much he’d failed.

A thousand days inside that button-up shirt, the frayed tie, the torn pants - each one stained with sweat and grime and blood. And who knew what condition his hair was in; it had definitely grown in his isolation, down past the grooves of his hollowed out collarbones. And then one day it just…stopped growing. A side-effect of the starvation, he supposed.

Another side-effect was the absence of his magic - he couldn’t feel it in his bones, or his heart, or his mind anymore. It had been a precious gift bestowed upon him by his mother, and now it was gone. But he wasn’t worthy of it anyway, and its departure just served as another impediment should he ever get the insane notion to attempt escape.

Logically, he knew there was no good reason to try running again; all that waited for him on the outside was more disappointment and failure. Everything he’d ever done, for better and for worse, had been the very definition of futile, and this was surely better than the alternative.

The one creature comfort Loki allowed himself was a cloak that must have belonged to a previous occupant of the cell, left behind somehow as they were dragged away to their doom. The cloak was as dark as night, and heavy enough to drown out the noises of tortured souls screaming in the distance. It smelled of decay, and the hems were torn and frayed, and it was exactly what he deserved.

He had pulled it over his head, and bunched it up between his neck and the stone into a makeshift pillow. Laying on his side, facing the rear wall of the cell, Loki had settled in for a long nap, and tried not to think about the kind of cruel end that must have come for its previous owner.

Loki hadn’t moved since then - curled up into himself, unable to differentiate between the nightmares and reality. Content to wither away in solitary confinement, where no one would ever know how he met his end.

He was used to being alone, but the isolation he experienced before had always been in spite of himself. He never meant to push people away, but it somehow became a habit, and then a necessity. The only difference between then and now was that he didn’t have to concern himself over what happened to anyone else anymore.

Except that obviously wasn’t true. There was still plenty to worry about, and Loki tried so hard to convince himself that he didn’t care anymore. Thanos, He Who Remains, the TVA - there were just too many dangers on the board, and they all led back to him.

In one way or another, Loki - or another version of him - was the only common element, the single being that every evil loved to curl its heinous claws around. He was the perfect instrument for malice - inherently broken, crushed at just the right pressure, burned at just the right temperature, and malleable enough to be used for nothing good.

So it was better for all if he stayed there, hidden in that dungeon on a mysterious planet, where not even he could fall prey to the illusion of choice anymore. Loki believed this arrangement was beneficial to everyone - there was nothing here for him to ruin, there were no wrong decisions to make, and nothing real was ever at stake.

There was no reason to charm, manipulate, or lie; no one to hurt, no one to lose, and no one to disappoint. And for the most part, Loki was finally at peace.

But occasionally, during the deepest and most frightening times of introspection, Loki would feel himself starting to yearn for something more. And unfortunately, the loneliest parts of his soul could never settle on a single need.

Sometimes it was companionship - the touch of anyone that had seen the worst parts of him, and still moved closer anyway. Other times, it was just a place to belong - where no one whispered behind his back, or criticized him right to his face.

And for the most part, he longed for the opportunity to just be. To just exist as himself.

But who was he? If he stripped himself down, if he somehow shed the veils of glorious purposes that were decided for him by his previous owners, then what was left of him?

Clinging to the notion of a throne was a lie. It was a facile explanation for his actions, because it was easier to hide under the guise of vanity rather than admit he didn’t know who he was. That he didn’t have anyone in his corner. That he couldn’t come to terms with being unable to figure himself out.

And if he couldn’t do that back on Asgard, as a Prince with everything going his way and cushioned with every advantage of being the son of the Throne, then all hope for him was lost. Which was exactly why he had let go of Odin’s spear in the first place - a decision that ultimately led to all of this.

It seemed like only yesterday he was hanging off the Bifrost with his older brother. Suspended over a wormhole caused by the Bifrost’s destruction, watching in quiet resignation as his father awoke from sleep to save his favorite heir from certain death, and shattering as Odin rejected Loki for the last time. At the time, falling into a wormhole was preferable than trying to come back from that.

So much had happened since then - none of it good, and all of it Loki’s fault. He didn’t swing the hammer, but he did set those events in motion while suffering the ill effects of wanting, needing, and longing. And even though no reasonable person could have expected anyone to shake off that same look of disappointment - so visceral and palpable - on their own father’s face, Loki still believed he was to blame for it all.

He often wondered, when he was too exhausted to push it back down, how Odin’s expression that night would compare to the one he’d have now. Loki was pathetic and broken, a complete and total failure, and drowning in loneliness on the floor of a cold and dirty dungeon cell.

This was certainly no place fit for a Prince, or a King; and yet even still, maybe Odin might be proud of him for finally making the right decision. Because while a Prince or a King may not belong there - the God of Mischief certainly did. It was a fitting end for him, because there was no way he was ever going to find anything good in that dungeon, and there was no way he was ever going to leave it either.

A familiar and long-forgotten sound drifted over Loki’s eardrums, rousing him from his self-loathing - laborious footsteps shuffling against the stone, metallic keys clinking together, and a surely unconscious body dragging across the floor.

It had been ages since he heard those noises. His eyelids drifted open and blinked once, twice, three times, as he waited for his pupils to dilate. And as the dungeon guards unlocked the door to his cell, the hair on the back of his neck stood on end.

Norns, no. Please, not another one…

Loki’s heart sank as the door swung open, creaking and groaning before crashing against the metal bars on the other side of itself. It echoed wildly throughout the chamber, and he remained frozen and unmoving as the guards dragged the stranger inside.

“Unwrap these chains. Quickly,” the higher-ranking guard ordered, his voice blunt and disdainful as he shuffled around the room. “When was the last time you rüzdæts cleaned out these cells?!”

Loki’s jaw set in place as he lay still, buried and hidden under the cloak in the shadows, even as the guard moved closer. What would he do if they discovered him now? Would he fight back, or would he just allow them to torture him too? Loki didn’t want to have to think about it.

“Are you sure we’re supposed to bring her in here?” The second guard’s voice was much more timid and unsure of himself, like it was his very first day working in a torture dungeon.

“For the last time, Orfeo - yes, this is where she’s supposed to be! Now hurry up!”

Loki could sense the guard’s trepidation even as he unshackled the newest prisoner. He’d never heard any of the guards questioning themselves before, and it was oddly unsettling.“I don’t know, this feels like…kánslha. We shouldn’t be doing this…”

The first guard, the one more sure of himself, continued snapping at the other. Telling him to just do as he was instructed, asking him if he still believed in their cause. Reminding him of what would happen should he suddenly have a change of heart.

Loki had never asked for much - just to be left alone. But it had never been given to him freely; he had to take it instead, and apparently he wasn’t allowed to even hold on to it for very long. He could feel the adrenaline start to rise in his body - his hands clenching, his muscles starting to come back to life.

There was no telling why she was supposed to be in that specific cell, or what their “cause” actually was. Loki had never paid any attention to them before; but now his curiosity was piqued, and he absolutely hated it.

Silence was worth fighting for, wasn’t it? Even if fighting meant revealing his very presence? But once he did that, once he crossed that line, he wouldn’t be able to stop until every single one of them was dead…

No. Stop. This is still suffering. Let it go…

As Loki attempted to calm himself back down, the guards finally took their leave, bickering and arguing as they relocked the door and their footsteps faded away. Silence descended upon him again, and Loki held his breath as he tried to listen for any signs of life coming from his new cell mate.

Her own breath was light, faint, fleeting. Loki almost felt sorry for her, much to his own chagrin. He didn’t want to care, because caring led to compassion, and empathy, and trust, and every other good feeling that inevitably led to more pain.

And maybe she deserved to be there, or maybe she didn’t. Loki couldn’t let that be his problem; not when he had enough of his own.

Even so, Loki was curious to see her - the one somehow important enough to make a guard question himself. To make Loki question himself - to make him consider disclosing his presence, even if it was just to kill every guard in that place in the name of silence.

Slowly and quietly, Loki tried to push himself upright. But his muscles, stiff and hardened from such little use, refused to cooperate. It was a struggle to move without grunting, and thus revealing, that someone else was still alive in that cell.

Finally, he managed to roll himself onto his back, landing against the floor with a groan. Loki had forgotten about the harness still strapped to his back, and his muscles screamed as they stretched around the stiff leather underneath him. He froze, biting his tongue as he waited to see if there would be a reaction from her. And when none came, he slowly turned his head to look.

A woman laid unconscious across from him on the floor. Twisted on her side, her face dirty and blood, her long and crimson hair woven into a tangled braid. Like Loki, she wore a dark cloak, and like Loki, she looked broken.

And despite the dried blood and the bruises starting to form on her skin already, she was beautiful. Even Loki couldn’t deny that. But was that enough to explain why the guards were behaving so strangely about her? No, there had to be more to it than that.

She resembled the mortals on Midgard, more so than the guards did, but that didn’t necessarily mean that she was human, or that Loki had been on Midgard all along. It didn’t mean anything; it just created more questions. The intricacies of traveling through both time and space were already complicated enough, and then adding in the context of his destination being a mystery even to himself…

Just as he realized how far his mind had wandered, her fingers twitched, and his eyes snapped back into focus. The woman was starting to wake up, and he was staring right at her - exposed, and vulnerable, and wondering.

She let out a soft groan, and Loki quickly turned back onto his side, facing the rear wall again as he silently cursed to himself. None of his questions would matter in the end; even if she woke up, she was already dead.

Loki swore he wasn’t going to get involved with anyone else ever again. He was already committed to doing nothing, especially for strangers.

And he had spent the last thousand days doing nothing. How hard could another three or four be?

⊱ ─ ༓ ── ⋅•⋅⊰ ─  ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ∙ ⋅  ─ ⊱⋅•⋅ ── ༓ ─ ⊰

Prologue / TLTGYA Masterlist / A03 Link / Next Chapter

Click here to be added to my Loki fic tag list! 💚

[nowoyas]

Koi no Yokan 1: the first impression matters most (Nishinoya Yuu/Reader)

Next - M.list - Ao3

A/N: so this has technically been up on ao3 for a month or so but I decided I'm simply going to post it on tumblr and live with less control over the formatting over here. for a more fun way to read, I highly recommend hopping over to the ao3 link above.

taglist is open!

Summary: Love at first sight isn't real. Whatever this Nishinoya guy was feeling when he proposed to you on sight, it wasn't love. And if you're wrong? All he has to do is propose another nine hundred and ninety-nine times to prove it. (nishinoya x fem!reader)

Warnings and Tags: fem, non gender-neutral reader, mental health + family issues, implied child neglect, hurt/comfort, coming of age, slow burn but like in a weird nontraditional way, gratuitous usage of footnotes

Word count: ~2800

p1. Love is real.

This one's simple enough. You grew up around your parents—hopelessly in love with one another, the romantic types put on this planet specifically to make their kids' life hell in a non-traumatizing, wholesome way, all sweet kisses and gross, get a room! to fill your childhood home. You've seen love. During at least one point of your life, there was love.

p2. Love takes work.

Also simple enough. Again we'll point to your parents—long nights worked by one or the other, working too hard, coming home to find you asleep on the couch with whichever parent was home for you. Bruised egos and hearts, fights that didn't need to happen but always would have, heated discussions whispered in the kitchen when you should have been in bed, but always always always coming back to each other. Separating from one another whenever there was yelling—keep the peace, come back when we can have a discussion. Trying to love you even when your grades fell too hard to overlook, but disappointed all the same, until you're yelling, until you don't fall asleep on the couch waiting for your mom to come home anymore, until you fall asleep studying at your desk listening out for your father, hoping tonight he'll be home before you finish your homework.

p3. Love must be earned.

—or at least, it can be lost. It'd explain the past two years. You lost his love, and you'll earn it back.

p4. If love must be earned and love takes work, then love at first sight does not exist.

Of course, none of this explains anything about what's taking place now, your utterly petrified classmate (one Yachi Hitoka, sits two seats in front of you, never interacted with) darting her eyes back and forth between you and the offender who could perhaps use a reality check against your worldview. For your part, the—question? demand? statement?—had the fun side effect of pitching your voice in embarrassment and disbelief, not to mention totally ruining the vaguely detached image of yourself you've very carefully cultivated over the years.

"I—uh—I'm sorry, what did you just say to me?"

p5. Love at first sight does not exist.

Although the other members of the Karasuno High School Volleyball Club wear expressions currently ranging from disbelief to exasperation, you're not entirely convinced you've heard the offender correctly until he steps forward, chest puffed out without a hint of self-doubt in his eyes.

Point of interest: as far as you were aware, volleyball is a sport about really tall guys yelling a lot and hitting a ball just real hard, and this one doesn't seem to have the height or the shoulder muscles for that. If your first impression is anything to go by, at least he has the volume. He's got a small build—lithe, even, and it's hard to tell with most of his teammates dropping their heads into their hands, but you'd say nearly everyone else here is a good head taller than him at least. It'd explain the hair: save for a little bleached tuft hanging down over his forehead, he's gone to the trouble to spike it, adding a few centimeters to his height total. All in all: confusing, but not unattractive.

c. Therefore, this is not love at first sight.

"Sorry," he says, tilting his head with a wide smile that doesn't look very sorry. "That might've been a bit rude. Please marry me?"

Yeah, that's what you'd thought he'd said, alright.

Shimizu, the gorgeous third-year who'd brought you into this line of fire, lets out a long-suffering sigh. One of the other guys is now on the floor, both hands threaded through his hair.

Point of disinterest: this behavior is clearly the offender's usual.

"Are you stupid or something?" the silver-haired guy on the floor finally manages to say, stage-whispering in utter disbelief. "Seriously, are you just a complete—"

Impulse: Have fun with this.

It's not that you really intended to cut the guy off—honestly, for all you care, he can yell at his teammate or anyone else all he wants. Hardly your problem. But—

I mean, how are you not supposed to laugh?

This is who you are: logic and impulse at war. Doubled over laughter, immediate stock taken of the situation, and, just because you appreciate his initiative, you let yourself speak without thinking too hard about it, full-body laughter subsiding to giggles as you meet his eyes. "You know what? How about you let me finish introducing myself and ask me that… oh, I dunno, we'll say a thousand times or so, and then I'll think about it. 'Kay?"

The offender—your suitor, you suppose—gains an extra centimeter of height at the words, eyes lighting up his face in a way that might actually be dangerous to someone with a few less brain cells to spare. He looks ready to say something, but stops himself. Nods firmly, mimes zipping his lips as though to let you know you can continue.

You stifle a lingering giggle, take a deep breath, and smooth out your uniform skirt carefully. You know how to smile and know how to charm and now you've got a reason to be just interested enough to bother with either. "O-kay. Um, I'm [full name]. Like Yachi-san here, I'm in class 1-5. It's a pleasure to meet all of you!"

"Nice to meet you!" they shout in eerie, overly-loud unison, bowing to the both of you. Beside you, Yachi nearly shrieks, hiding behind you a little as Shimizu steps forward to ask them not to scare the shit out of you both. To their credit, everyone seems genuinely confused as to what could possibly be startling about suddenly being yelled at by twelve or so guys standing around you in a semi-circle.

As for you?

You adjust your uniform bow carefully, suppressing a smile.

Maybe this "managing a club" idea won't be as bad as you thought.

~

Okay, point of order: it's not that you thought managing a club would be bad, necessarily. It's more that, well—look, pretty third-year approaches you in the hall while you're barely paying attention, assumes you're walking with some other random girl in your class, and you're looking for any excuse to stay out of the house as much as you can, anyway, so why not waste a few minutes this afternoon and some more tomorrow? It's not like you're agreeing fully to join or anything. And Yachi, at least, seems nice, though you're a little sorry she's been lumped with you.

You'd decided to make it up to her with a tepid offer of friendship, if for no reason other than to reassure her you don't want her dead (which appears to be a serious concern of hers?), but in the three minutes it took you to draw this conclusion and walk up to her desk, you'd been absolutely steamrolled by two of the club's first years from yesterday (Hinata: short, loud, springy, insists that you drop all honorifics for him. Kageyama: tall, quiet, blunt. Appears to just be along for the ride.) and somehow ended up jointly tutoring the two in English.

The days that follow give you no opportunities to learn any further names—your attention splits neatly between trying to figure out how volleyball even works and not fucking dying whenever a hit or whatever goes out-of-bounds. You'd been right about the yelling, mostly right about hitting the ball really hard (the really tall first-year sometimes hits the ball Not Hard, and your suitor doesn't seem to hit the ball at all?), and wrong about the guys needing to be tall (Hinata, for one, and most of the other guys are only tall in direct contrast to you).

That's about the extent of what you've gotten so far, beyond a bruise or two in preventing Yachi's soul from leaving her body. The guys seem to want to prevent those, but they're certainly not perfect. As for your co-trial manager, she is the very definition of skittish, and thus far has confided in you the following:

someone may want to kill her for standing next to Shimizu for several uninterrupted minutes (fair, Shimizu is extremely pretty)

the coach is going to kill her (maybe a bit narrow-minded—the Sakanoshita cashier is plenty nice, even if he does look a bit scary)

someone here is going to break a finger or perhaps an arm (yeah, no way to counter that one. It's athletics.)

someone here is going to unintentionally break her face with a stray volleyball (perfectly reasonable. You keep an eye out on her behalf.)

Despite this, she connects to the others far better than you ever could. When Hinata's study session with the three of you results in a boosted quiz score, he notices her before you and drags her into the hype session, allowing you to sneak on by while they cheer together. That's fine. You can't really match their energy, anyhow. Every now and then, though, she gets this look or makes some offhanded comment that makes you think she probably won't stick with managing.

For your part, you aren't really decided either way. The Karasuno High School Volleyball Club is full of… well, people. They're all different, you can't keep anyone straight, and while they're certainly polite enough in small doses, as a group, they overwhelm you with an energy that reminds you why you've never really gotten into sports before.

Your suitor is perhaps the worst offender of this—everyone gets louder around him, either out of necessity to be heard or simply because he seems to raise the energy levels of whoever's standing closest to him. He seems to be the root of about thirty percent of the volleyball club's total volume, and his boundless energy is extended your way whenever possible. Without fail, sometime between your feet crossing the threshold of the volleyball gym and getting your shoes on each day, he'll shout your name, followed by a full-chested compliment about how great you look today. It was unsettling for two minutes until you saw him take a flying leap at Shimizu in hopes of hugging her and end up getting slapped instead. For now, you'll take it as a relief that no additional marriage proposals have come your way.

You don't know whether to be disappointed that your suitor apparently is just your average horny teenager and you're not exactly special or relieved that, at least, you're not ugly enough for him to discredit you as an option entirely. If nothing else, it's hard to sense any sort of real threat from someone so openly and earnestly interested in anyone who breathes.

This is what you tell Shimizu as the three of you walk home after practice, the third time in a week she's apologized to you for his behavior. She's not the only one who has—the captain, a taller, average-looking third year, and the vice captain, the pretty third year with the silvery hair, have both gone out of their way to apologize on his behalf, as well as one of the more responsible-seeming second years. Each one has offered, repeatedly, that they can make him shut up if you want them to, but you've staunchly refused.

"I mean," you tell them each time, "he's harmless. All he's doing is complimenting me and like, little helpful things like helping me up. But I'll take you guys up on that if he actually crosses a line."

What you don't—won't—admit to Shimizu or Yachi, and will never admit to any of these guys, is simple enough: you like the attention. You like having a reason for your cheeks to feel a little hot. You like feeling like someone wants you here, like someone's not just being polite because they haven't yet found a reason to be rude.

The morning of the first day of your second week of this little trial membership, and like clockwork, your suitor is already in the gym, already fully awake like he actually rests when he sleeps or some completely batshit concept to that tune. It's six-something in the fucking AM. Normal people should at least be a little groggy right now, but here he is, running right up to you with a brilliant smile that makes you feel like squinting.

Then again, you suppose normal people aren't the type to propose marriage before you even get your name out.

"Good morning! You're looking lovely as usual today!"

You huff softly, open your mouth to mumble in some sleep-deprived reply, and end up cutting off in the sort of yawn that hijacks your full body to make its point. When you've recovered, you nod to him, rubbing the corner of your eye. "Sorry. I don't think I'm real for another twenty minutes or so. Mornin', Senpai."

Your suitor goes uncharacteristically still, jaw dropping as he stares at you. Suddenly self-conscious, you run through your memory of the past week. You'd assumed he was an upperclassman, not having seen him on the first-year's floor at all and having noticed that he seemed to be one of the more solid members of the team. Were you wrong? "Um… did I say something wrong?" you ask at last, hoping on hope he doesn't detect the nerves in your voice.

At your words, he seems to snap out of whatever stupor he'd suddenly gone into, shaking his head furiously. Unless you're mistaken, his face is turning a lovely shade of red, though you can't fathom why. "Uh—no! No, nothing's wrong. I mean, you didn't say anything wrong! You're—perfect, you're perfect, sorry, I—" He clears his throat, clutches a fist at his chest. You're starting to think he's having some kind of medical issue. "I'm not entirely sure you've ever done anything wrong in your life, actually."

You stifle a nervous laugh, tilt your head a little. "Um…?"

"Okay, sorry—I'm good. Perfect. Fine. Please marry me."

Ah. Alright, then.

A bit more laughter bubbles out of you, less nervous this time. "How about this: you tell me what your name is, because we still haven't been introduced properly, and ask me that nine hundred and ninety-seven more times, and I'll think about it."

The star-struck look on his face gives way to the brightest smile known to the human race. He holds out a hand for you to shake. On the record: your stomach does not flutter in reply.

"Nishinoya Yuu, at your service. Will you really marry me if I ask you a thousand times?"

You take his hand. Shake it carefully. Wonder if this is what dying feels like: no struggle, just letting happen what will happen, feeling strangely overwhelmed for no reason at all. "Hey, I said I'd think about it."

His hand's warm. It lingers in yours for just a moment before he drops the hold. "Challenge accepted, then. I hope you're ready."

You snort, wave him off as you head over to greet Shimizu. "Sure, sure. We'll see how long it takes for you to give up, yeah?"

"If that's what you're holding out for, you're gonna be waiting a while," he calls after you.

You toss your head back with a laugh. "We'll see about that!"

Koi no Yokan¹ (恋の予感): "premonition of love" or "love at second sight". in contrast to love at first sight, koi no yokan refers to the sense when meeting someone that falling in love with them is inevitable.

Footnotes

1. I spent a lot of time digging for the origin of this phrase and it appears to be attributed to a quote from one Nicola Yoon. I'm not certain that 恋の予感 is actually a Japanese concept the way that "love at first sight" is a concept in certain English-speaking cultures, and my research into this only turned up, like, BBC articles and an album by the American alternative metal band Deftones, so it's possible that this phrase is more of an Orientalist hallucination of Japanese culture more than it is a real thing.² Regardless, I truly love the concept, and I could not think of a more fitting title for this fic, so I am proceeding with the given interpretation.

2. For what it's worth, the BBC article I found does ask actual Japanese speakers about the phrase and claims it's common nowadays in shoujo manga circles. One of my good friends reads mostly shoujo manga and is more fluent in Japanese than I am, and I had to explain the concept to her, and also, no one can point me to any specific examples, so I don't really have any strong evidence that this is actually true. (Any examples of this out in the wild are more than welcome in the comments; I'm genuinely curious about this.)

Tags: @deeplightgarden @idonthaveanameideayet @dusstory

[saintmeghanmarkle]

Trey and Matt please oh please! You'll never get a better story line for a South Park sequel episode than the Nigeria tour by u/Hermes_Blanket

Trey and Matt, please oh please! You'll never get a better story line for a South Park sequel episode than the Nigeria tour (I am writing "Nigeria", but Trey and Matt will change that to a fictional country name like Scameria)Opening: The South Park kids are in school. Their teacher announces that in conjunction with this week's lesson focus on Nigeria, they will watch live footage of a royal tour taking place there. A huge TV is wheeled into the classroom and switched on. Closeup of Meghan grinning like mad as she swans into the Nigerian school in her backless flesh-colored dress and huge African necklace.Kyle screams, "Noooooo! Not the dumb prince and his stupid wife AGAIN!"Stan gasps, "Hey Kyle, is she naked??!"Meghan gives a speech to the Nigerian children in their classroom. It is one long festival of word salad and concludes, "So, in closing, let me just say that I see myself in all of you. If you are authentic and organic, you can grow up to be just like me."One Nigerian girl whispers to another, "Does she mean we won't be wearing clothes?"Meghan leaves the school, and walks down the path in front shaking hands with the female staff, all of whom are wearing modest dress, head wraps, and disapproving expressions. She encounters a little girl in a white dress carrying an armful of red roses, who is being shoved toward her by a staff member. Meghan drops to her knees and bear-hugs the little girl while grinning over her shoulder toward TV cameras. When she stands up, the squashed red roses have left perfect round nipple-like stains on her flesh-colored bodice.Back at South Park, the teacher jumps in front of the TV. "We'll take a break now!"At lunch, the kids discuss the royal visit. Kyle says, "Why is she even there? She's not the princess of anything anymore. She says she's 42.35637 percent Nigerian, but she doesn't look anything like those people. And why is she hardly wearing any clothes?" Stan rolls his eyes and says, "Stop whining, Kyle. Just be happy they're not living across the street from you anymore."The kids are back in the classroom watching more footage of the visit. Meghan is wearing a long yellow gown with a big sash across it that says "BUY ARO JAM". Three kings in Nigerian tribal dress come in, kneel in front of her, and present her with a large nude gold statue of Harry, a smoking incense burner, and a box marked "MYRRH"."Why are you here?" asks Meghan."We have seen your star in the East," replies one. The camera pans to the sky, where a large golden dollar sign is shining radiantly like the sun.Another king unrolls a scroll and reads from it. "We hereby proclaim you Princess Ahmamazing Emu of Gonnachokeyou!"The third king whips out a laptop and hands it to Meghan. "Here, this is for you to write your emails about unfreezing your bank accounts. Remember, we get a 20% cut of the profits."Come on, Trey and Matt! I know you'll have us in stitches again! post link: https://ift.tt/ZMTxS15 author: Hermes_Blanket submitted: May 14, 2024 at 07:38PM via SaintMeghanMarkle on Reddit disclaimer: all views + opinions expressed by the author of this post, as well as any comments and reblogs, are solely the author's own; they do not necessarily reflect the views of the administrator of this Tumblr blog. For entertainment only.

[juiceboxscans]

Today is (simul)Pub day!

That's right fam! If you live in the continental United States, have the KManga app on your phone, tablet, or open the site on your computer's browser, you can rent chapters (including today's release) 99¢ US, including today's newest chapter at around 11am/noon EST today. Mangadex has, very thoughtfully, placed the link to K-Manga's site right where you can see it.

This is not the end of our involvement with the scans, just a heads up that if you want to/can support the mangaka and can't wait for us, it's SO easy! And cheap! We love scanlating, particularly now for Spanish-speakers who don't yet have access to licensed versions, but we've always been transparent about options if you have cash or access. (See our pinned post.) So if you can, do the (right.) thing.

Disclaimer: We're no angels ourselves— we started doing this because two other groups dropped when it got licensed but the licensed volumes were still way behind the Japanese and we couldn’t cope. Basically we're impatient little heathens like everyone else.

But if you're having fun hanging with us delinquents, keep your notifs on and we'll see you soon.

Thanks for reading! 。.:☆*:･'(*≧ ▽ ≦*)

[fuck-customers]

TW: Drug Mention, Cursing

Look, if you're gonna come into the store so high you don't remember how to speak it's probably not worth your time to try and steal from the store. Like I get it right, the cost of living and needing courage blah blah blah, but we're a small business. We barely can afford to be open as it is because distributors are charging a kidney and an eyeball for us to get products in. We have a well advertised hold program where we'll set something aside for you and when you have the money it will be there for you because was get that life fucking sucks right now. Please just use that cause I'm tired of using the mom voice and banning people.

Also to the lady to who dropped her little baggie (you unfortunately know the one) and looked DIRECTLY INTO THE CAMERA just know we all had a good laugh and took care of it. Not that management really cares and we're not gonna rat you out cause we all have our vices, but the deer in headlights look was priceless. Next time leave your shit in the car or, even better, at home.

And to the lady who was beating down the locked door ten after close; I hope watching me leave out of the back door was as satisfying for you as it was for me. The dark store, me walking down the middle aisle in full view, the flash of light as the door opened only to leave darkness behind and you looking dumb as fuck? I've shown the replay to all my coworkers and even my boss, I want that shit played at my funeral, a qr on my headstone that links to the video.

Oh, to the guy who picked up our cute little outdoor chalkboard in broad daylight and walked off with it you got guts dude. Like damn you got some nerve taking my one joy at this job away from me. Am I gonna report you? Nah, things was cheap as shit and I'm tired of customers as it is. You do you man, I get paid to be here either way.

Posted by admin Rodney.

[chaos-in-deepspace]

Requests Status: Open

So I'm doing requests because I can and feel like it. Just a heads up that I probably won't be doing every single request that falls into my inbox, just because if I'm not inspired then the writing will come out horribly. Might also be a bit slow when it comes to doing requests since I do have a full time job.

If you have an idea that you want me to write, just drop it into the inbox! If you are requesting NSFW content though, I won't be accepting anonymous requests for it UNLESS it has a link to your side blog. I mainly just need to make sure you're 18+ requesting it, but I get the annoyance of having to use a main blog. So just @ the side blog you use for fandom stuff and we'll call it good.

I am currently only writing for the main three love interests for Love and Deepspace: Xavier, Zayne, and Rafayel.

Will Write List:

Fluff: I enjoy writing cute things so please send me some!

Smut: This will be rather limited with post sizes, but I will be writing spicy content.

Platonic: If you want a relationship to remain friendly and platonic, I am so down. It's not my favorite, but I respect it.

AU: This is more limited! I'm down with writing for AU things, however bear in mind that if I don't know the fandom, then I can't write it and will simply delete it.

Crack: I will do just about anything for a good laugh, so send in crack suggestions (it will be crack taken seriously)

Won't Write List:

Specified Kinks: Scat, Emetophilia, Vore, Cannibalism, Hardcore Kink Lifestyles, Ball Gags, Hook Suspension, Mutilation.

Mental Health Issues: I personally deal with a lot of mental health issues myself and don't want to be writing about it, as it sometimes sends me spiraling. I don't mind a character having anxiety or ADHD, but things like mentions of depression and suicide are off the table.

Serious Disabilities: I refuse to write about things that I cannot represent accurately. This includes disabilities that I don't have. I am unaware of what it would be like to be blind, deaf, mobility issues, etc. I don't want to misrepresent anyone, so I will be refraining from writing it. I do apologize for the inconvenience.

Pet Play: This one is mainly for hardcore pet play and goes into hardcore kink lifestyles. A person living in a cage, being nonverbal, and acting like an actual pet is off the table. I don't mind writing about someone being called a kitten and wearing ears and a tail, but that's about as far as I'm willing to go.

Age Play: For me there’s a big difference in calling someone “Daddy” and being a Daddy Dom. I’m cool with flirting and calling a character daddy but I don’t do age play. Infantilism or anything in that regard. I don’t care if it’s in a completely SFW situation, it makes me uncomfortable to read and write.

Ships: Not the sailing kind. If you ship certain characters together then that's chill, you do you, but I'm only writing xReader content hear.

This page is under construction. Canva is currently down so I can't make all the banners I need. This page will eventually be pretty!

[allmoshnobrain]

𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐫

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

part 20 of ? | masterpost

word count: 2235 | ao3 link | fic's playlist

Of course, I knew Dave's reaction to seeing the album wouldn't be great, but somehow, I always ended up trying to convince myself that he would handle it more calmly. I should have known that Dave Mustaine's anger and resentment would be anything but calm.

✦ summary: After coming back to Los Angeles, Nore has to deal with Dave's reaction when he gets to know about Metallica's new album.

✦ on this chapter: NSFW!!!, dave mustaine x female!oc, oc is cliff's cousin, +18, language, slice of life, angry sex, (light) spanking, jealousy, angst

✦ a/n: I'm back! First of all, I would just like to say I'm really sorry it took me this long to post a new part. My life's been crazy busy and I was a bit burned out from writing, so I just had to take a break for a bit. But I took a few weeks to rest and now I'm ready to keep writing the story :) I hope you guys like this new chapter! The dynamics in Dave and Nore's relationship are starting to get a little more complicated, and we'll see how this plays out soon. Feedback is welcome! ❤

I rolled back into Los Angeles the next morning. Having a motorcycle as a birthday gift from my parents sure had its perks, like getting around town without suffering the rickety old buses. The ride from San Francisco to LA was a trek, and it got me thinking about those not-so-distant days when Cliff would cruise from San Francisco to Long Beach just to hang out with me.

Man, I was already starting to miss him.

Los Angeles was its usual chaotic self, just like I'd left it the day before. But coming back after my San Francisco escapade was a whole different deal. I couldn't help but wonder if the concert and everything that went down afterward had stirred up a whole lot more in me than I was ready to admit.

Dave wasn’t in when I got to our apartment, so I dropped my bag and the presents on the couch and hit the shower to unwind after that exhausting trip. As I was getting dressed, I heard the familiar jingle of keys at the door, letting me know he had just arrived home .

It was kind of unusual for him not to swing by and say hi right away, but it didn't take me long to figure out why. After I got dressed, I headed into the living room and there he was, looking at the new addition to my vinyl collection with a frown.

"Dave...?" I said, nervously. I wasn't entirely sure how he'd react to the sight of the new Metallica record. I probably should've thought about it before leaving it lying on the couch, but I was so beat from the trip that it didn't even cross my mind that he might not be thrilled with my gift.

He looked up at me, and I could tell he was torn between anguish and something tougher that made me swallow hard.

"I had no clue they dropped the album," he commented, expressionless. Somehow, his effort to act like it wasn't a big deal just seemed to make it worse, the tension in the room growing like a bubble about to burst.

"It was a gift," I mumbled softly. He snorted, arching an eyebrow, and I felt my face turn beet red. My voice wavered, "I didn't know they had released it either; they told me just recently. It's just that..."

"Did you know they used my music in this crap?" he growled. I blinked in surprise.

"What?"

"Jump in the Fire? Metal Militia? Phantom Lord?" he snapped, shaking the vinyl's booklet in my direction, seeming on the verge of blowing a gasket. "I helped write all this shit. And they didn’t even credit me! I told them not to use my stuff. I fucking told them!" 

I opened my mouth in surprise, my heart clenching with anguish and anger. That was just wrong. Dave had confided in me how he'd asked the guys not to use any of his songs or solos. I didn't know what was worse, them ignoring his wishes or not even bothering to inform us.

"Dave, I... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought this," I murmured, stepping closer and placing a hand on his arm. He looked at me, his gaze softening ever so slightly.

"It's alright," he muttered, though his voice still carried a trace of annoyance. He wrapped his arms around my waist, nuzzling into the curve of my neck and giving me a tight hug. "It's okay. It's not your fault if they used you to get to me."

I furrowed my brow, my body tensing at his words. I pulled away slightly, locking eyes with him.

"Dave... I don't think that's what happened."

He arched an eyebrow at my words, and I pulled back slightly when I detected a flash of hurt in his eyes, though it quickly turned into a cold, almost icy expression. It was evident that he was hurt, but it wasn't just that; having his songs used without his permission had pushed him over the edge. He was seething with anger.

"You're being too naive," he said in a low, chilling voice I hadn't heard from him before. I swallowed hard, feeling my heart race uncomfortably in my chest.

"Dave, it's Cliff. He wouldn't do that..."

"They used my fucking songs!" he snarled, his voice growing louder. I took a step back, and he exhaled deeply, now visibly angry. "You're fooling yourself. Do you think they're nice guys? They didn't care about me, so why would they care about you now?"

"It's not like that..."

"Of course, it's like that," he laughed, a bitter and painful laugh that made me flinch. "You don't realize, do you? They don't think I'm good enough, but you are! I bet Cliff would be thrilled if we broke up now. Have you ever thought about that?"

“But I don’t want to break up with you,” I whispered, tears welling up in my eyes. This was going much, much worse than I had expected. Of course, I knew Dave's reaction to seeing the album wouldn't be great, but somehow, I always ended up trying to convince myself that he would handle it more calmly.

I should have known that Dave Mustaine's anger and resentment would be anything but calm.

"This isn't about what you want, it's about what you do! Why did you have to bring this here?" he shouted. His voice held more distress than anger, and it pained me. Beyond the pain of our argument, I couldn't bear to see him like this and know it was my fault. I could have avoided all of this if I hadn't been blinded by my own happiness in seeing my friends again, in seeing a glimpse of the happiness we used to have together. "Why do you have to keep hanging out with them? Don't I matter to you? Don't you care about me?"

"You're getting it all wrong," my voice quivered as I fought back my tears. "You can't say these things, Dave, you're hurting me!"

"Well, what about me? Can't you see you're hurting me too?"

"I thought I told you not to make me choose."

"I'm not making you choose! "

"Yes, you are! I asked you to trust me..."

"I do trust you, damn it! I love you!"

"Then act like you love me!" I shouted. I gasped in shock as he swiftly closed the distance between us, pulling me close to his body furiously, and kissed me, his tongue invading my mouth with a fervor I'd never felt before. I moaned into his kiss, my legs going weak as I clung to his arms. His embrace tightened around my waist, his other hand gripping the base of my neck just enough to leave me breathless. 

"If you want me to prove that I love you, then I'm gonna prove it now," he growled, anger smoldering in his eyes like poison. I pulled him into another kiss, my body burning like wildfire as he undressed me and we stumbled towards the bedroom.

"Is this what you wanted all along?" I mumbled, my lingering frustration from our argument making me bolder as I hastily removed his shirt, his lips seeking mine in a desperate hunger. 

"Don't test me, Burton," he snarled. I let out a surprised gasp as he spun me around, firmly placing me on my knees at the edge of the bed. One of his arms held my waist, pressing my back against his chest, while the other hand gripped the nape of my neck, his lips and tongue aggressively exploring my soft skin.

“D… Dave…” I closed my eyes, a muffled moan escaping my lips as his hand on my waist moved down to the wetness between my legs, his fingers penetrating me without warning and curling inside me. He rumbled against my skin, holding me closer to him, his lips gliding up my neck until they reached my ear.

"Do you want me to stop?" he whispered, a hint of concern evident in his voice despite his tension. I shook my head “no”, pressing myself against him, and he chuckled softly before pulling my waist tightly against his own, pushing my shoulder until I was on all fours on the bed. I moaned softly as he caressed my ass slowly before giving me a slap that made my skin crawl all over, pain and pleasure mixed together as tears gathered in my eyes. He grunted quietly, seeming pleased with my reaction. “Do you like that? Answer me. ”

“Y… Yeah… Ah! ” I flinched when he slapped me again, and he laughed. I felt my heart speed up when I heard him take off his pants and felt him climb onto the bed, his hands slowly caressing my waist.

“You look so pretty like this,” he murmured, his fingers penetrating me again and moving inside me. I moaned softly, my skin still tingling with the pain of his spanking, contrasting with the increasing pleasure that the movement of his fingers made me feel.

I moaned as he pressed his cock against me, my clenched fists gripping the bed sheet tightly as he entered me slowly. Dave let out a low moan, holding my waist tightly as he began to move. I closed my eyes, reduced to a mess of muffled moans as I felt him move, pushing deeper and deeper, making my whole body shake with pleasure. Right then, I knew he was taking out all his frustration and anger on me — and I loved every second of it.

"You're mine," he rumbled, his voice low. He drew me in closer, guiding me up again as he pressed my back against his chest, still holding my waist with one hand as he thrust faster and faster inside me, his lips eagerly seeking mine. I moaned into his kiss when his tongue invaded my mouth, taking one of my hands to my clit, massaging it in circles while burying my other hand in his hair. He brought his other hand up to my face, pulling away slightly and tracing the outline of my lip with his thumb as he looked into my eyes, his lips parted and his eyes out of focus as he lost himself in pleasure. “You’re mine,” he murmured, feverishly, his hips moving faster and faster, hitting all the sweetest spots inside me. I shuddered, moaning loudly as I felt my body contract, our peaks approaching together. “You’re mine, Nore. Mine.”

“Ah… D-Dave!” I closed my eyes, letting him press me against his body as my orgasm swept through me in a shock wave that made me contract all over. He groaned, burying his face in the crook of my neck as he came with me, his movements becoming sloppy as his seed filled me.

I sighed, shakily, as he pulled out of me. I laid face down on the bed, letting out a groan into the pillow. He gently pushed my hair aside, planting a soft kiss on my shoulder before settling down beside me.

"Is everything alright?" he inquired in a hushed tone while his fingers gently traced my cheek. I opened my eyes and gazed into his concerned expression, mustering a faint smile.

"Everything's fine," I mumbled, reaching my hand up to his face. He furrowed his brows, suddenly recoiling as he seized my wrist.

"Who did this to you?" he asked, his voice tensing, his eyes locking onto my knuckles. I blinked in surprise. In the heat of the moment, I had forgotten momentarily that my hand was still a little swollen, the skin turning a soft shade of purple as the bruises from the previous day's punch began to appear.

"It wasn't a big deal, Dave," I said, and he gave me an incredulous look. I blinked, feeling my face flush. "Just some jerk who tried to hassle me after the gig yesterday. So, I gave him a punch."

"You did what?" he asked, sounding genuinely shocked. I chuckled softly, but Dave frowned, concerned, as if he didn't quite buy my reaction. "Nore, this is serious! Did he do something to you?"

"Dave, it's alright... Cliff helped me." I stretched the truth a bit. I didn't want to bring up James' help, not after Dave and I had our spat about the album. Especially not after recalling last night in the kitchen and the way James had held my hand, his eyes locking onto mine for just a fleeting moment before Leanne and Cliff interrupted us.

“You go out solo once, and this is what happens?” Dave grumbled, and I chuckled as I cradled his face in my hands. He sighed before drawing me nearer, planting a slow kiss on my lips. I sighed happily, feeling myself melt into the warmth of his kiss as I nestled in his embrace. He pulled back, gently gripping my chin. “I'm sorry, sweetheart. I shouldn’t have been so mean to you.”

"It's okay, Dave," I murmured, softly. "But you've got to trust me. I'm with you because I love you." 

"I know. I'm sorry," he replied, his voice gentle, burying his face in my chest and pulling me into a tight hug. "You're mine," he whispered, his arms embracing me as if he needed to reassure himself that what he said was true. "Everything's alright. You're mine."

[cdyssey]

Abbott Elementary S1-S2 Bracket

Hi all!

Welcome to the Abbott Elementary S1 and S2 Tumblr Bracket, where we’ll vote on episodes to see what the Tumblr's current favorite episode is. The thirty-five episodes are seeded based on iMDb ratings, and voting rounds will last an entire week. Since Round 1 has the most episodes of all, we’ll split that one into two weeks, so there aren’t 17 polls going on at once, lmao.

On this doc, you’ll find all the information you need to know about the rounds, as well as all the imDB scores, summaries, and original air dates of episodes! Meanwhile, this post will be continually updated with links to all the polls once they go live!

Hope you guys have fun!! Voting will officially start on 4/21/23!

- Maggie

Final Update (6/13/23): All poll data is now available! A winner has been declared.

Round 1, Pt. I:

Duration: 4/21/23 - 4/28/23

Since there is an uneven number of episodes, the highest rated episode and our #1 seed “Teacher Conference” is going to have a bye-week, which just means it’ll sit out on Round 1 until we can get the remaining choices to an even number!

"Art Teacher" (#35) vs. "Festival" (#2) → "Festival" (82%) [167 votes]

"Juice" (#34) vs. "Candy Zombies" (#3) → "Candy Zombies" (75.7%) [144 votes]

"Pilot" (#33) vs. "Work Family" (#4) → "Work Family" (74%) [123 votes]

"New Tech" (#32) vs. "Zoo Balloon" (#5) → "Zoo Balloon" (71.6%) [141 votes]

“Story Samurai” (#31) vs. “Mom” (#6) → "Mom" (81.3%) [134 votes]

“Light Bulb” (#30) vs. “Educator of the Year” (#7) → "Educator of the Year" (50.9%) [108 votes]

“Student Transfer” (#29) vs. “Valentine’s Day” (#8) → "Valentine's Day" (62.7%) [118 votes]

Round 1, Pt. 2:

Duration: 4/28/23 - 5/5/23

“Gifted Program” (#28) vs. “Holiday Hookah” (#9) → "Holiday Hookah" (83.2%) [137 votes]

“Mural Arts” (#27) vs. “Sick Day” (#10) → "Sick Day" (58.7%) [109 votes]

“Fight” (#26) vs. “Development Day” (#11) → "Development Day" (62.9%) [116 votes]

“Wishlist” (#25) vs. “Teacher Appreciation” (#12) → "Teacher Appreciation" (70.3%) [91 votes]

“Step Class” (#24) vs. “Fundraiser” (#13) → "Step Class" (62.4%) [117 votes]

“Ava vs. Superintendent” (#23) vs. “Read-a-Thon” (#14) → "Read-a-Thon" (70.9%) [103 votes]

“Principal’s Office” (#22) vs. “Desking” (#15) → "Desking" (62.8%) [121 votes]

“Attack Ad” (#21) vs. “Franklin Institute” (#16) → "Franklin Institute" (85.8%) [106 votes]

“Egg Drop” (#20) vs. “Wrong Delivery” (#17) → "Egg Drop" (68.4%) [98 votes]

“Fire” (#19) vs. “Open House” (#18) → "Fire" (71.3%) [101 votes]

Round 2:

Duration: 5/7/23 - 5/14/23

"Festival" (#2) vs. "Candy Zombies" (#3) → “Candy Zombies” (62.2%) [74 votes]

"Work Family" (#4) vs. "Zoo Balloon" (#5) → “Zoo Balloon” (58.3%) [60 votes]

"Mom" (#6) vs. "Educator of the Year" (#7) → “Mom” (69.5%) [59 votes]

"Valentine's Day" (#8) vs. "Holiday Hookah" (#9) → “Holiday Hookah” (77.8%) [63 votes]

"Sick Day" (#10) vs. "Development Day" (#11) → “Development Day” (54.3%) [70 votes]

"Teacher Appreciation" (#12) vs. "Step Class" (#24) → “Step Class” (55.6%) [63 votes]

"Read-a-Thon" (#14) vs. "Desking" (#15) → Read-a-Thon” (50.8%) [118 votes]

"Franklin Institute" (#16) vs. "Egg Drop" (#20) → “Franklin Institute” (74.3%) [74 votes]

"Teacher Conference" (#1) vs. "Fire" (#19) → “Teacher Conference” (82.9%) [35 votes]

Round 3:

A disclaimer about one of the Round 3 options: So Maggie effed up, lmao. When you have an odd number of choices for a bracket, you're supposed to give the highest ranking seeds a bye-round, which I did for the highest ranking seed! 😭 However, you're also supposed to take out as many as you need to get the first round to the closest power of two, which I didn't realize. Since Abbott has 35 episodes, for instance, the closest power of 2 would be 32, which means that three episodes needed to have a bye-week for the tournament to shake out perfectly. This means for this round, one of the polls unfortunately has a three episode option. However, after that, we'll be back on track for a smooth finish! Sorry for the mess-up!!

Duration: 5/21/23 - 5/28/23

"Candy Zombies" (#3) vs. "Zoo Balloon" (#5) → “Candy Zombies” (59.5%) [185 votes]

“Mom” (#6) vs. “Holiday Hookah” (#9) → “Holiday Hookah” (63%) [138 votes]

“Development Day” (#11) vs. “Step Class” (#24) → “Step Class” (59.4%) [69 votes]

“Read-a-Thon” (#14) vs. “Franklin Institute” (#16) vs. “Teacher Conference” (#1) → “Teacher Conference” (55.1%) [107 votes]

Round 4 [Penultimate Round]:

Duration: 5/29/23 - 6/5/23

“Candy Zombies” (#3) vs. “Holiday Hookah” (#9) → "Holiday Hookah" (#9) (65.3%) [49 votes] “Step Class” (#24) vs. “Teacher Conference” (#1) → “Teacher Conference” (67.6%) [71 votes]

Round 5 [Final Round]:

Duration: 6/5/23 - 6/12/23

“Holiday Hookah” (#9) vs. “Teacher Conference” (#1) → "Teacher Conference" (71.3%) [178 votes]

Cumulative Poll Votes:

3,447

Ultimate Winner:

"Teacher Conference"

[sonicenvy]

To new tumblr users:

please turn on custom blog theme in your settings. custom blog theme is something that is actually so wonderful about having a tumblr, and we need to show @staff how important of a feature this is to this site.

Propaganda:

Having a custom blog theme gives you a yourURL dot tumblr dot com site. Having your very own website is cool as fuck.

Having your own site makes it much easier to search and view your blog, and use tags to sort posts.

Another fun thing that you can do is create custom side pages for your blog with useful static information, like an about page or a tags page.

show off your personality and interests with a cool site. organise your posts to find them later, and to give your followers the ability to view all the posts on your blog with a specific tag, like a tag for your writing or your art. This can be done by providing a link to a specific tag that looks like this: yourURL dot tumblr dot com/tagged/myCoolTag

You can have a cool site, even if you don't know how to do web code, I promise. Here's how your turn this feature on:

go to the little person icon in your top ribbon (circled in red):

2. in the resulting pop up, scroll down to "blogs" < yourBlog (highlighted in red):

3. click on "blog settings". This will take you to a new page. (highlighted in red)

4. on this new page, scroll down to "custom theme" and flip the toggle switch to on. (circled in red)

5. now click that "edit theme" button. This will take you to a new page that will look something like this:

depending on what theme you end up using, the options in the white sidebar will be different. For now, that's not what we're actually interested in though!

6. to get started with your theme, click the edit HTML button.

7. This pops open a thing with the code from your blog. This is where you can edit or paste code into to customize your blog. This is where the fun starts!

If you know code, you can write code yourself, but I'm going to just assume that you don't know enough code to write a tumblr theme. Fortunately for you, there are lots of people out here on tumblr dot com that do know how to write code and make tumblr themes and do this AND make these themes publicly available for anyone to use.

8. Where do I find this, you might ask? Great question! A good place to start is Theme Hunter, which is a blog where they share lots of independent theme creators themes. Typically when you use someone's theme, you should reblog their post about it, as this is often a term of use. Theme hunter is nice because they are really organized so you can find some nice categories to start you theme hunt in their "more" drop down:

you'll notice that they also have pages about how to install tumblr themes. The "page themes" section is for side page themes. We'll get to that in little bit, but for now what you want is the "Tumblr themes" Most themes will have a set of easy to use customization options for stuff like background colors, font sizes, sidebar images, links, accent colors, etc. Most theme posts will have an example or "live preview" of the theme in question so you can play around with it and see if you like all of the features. Remember that you can change all of the colors and the font sizes if you like.

9. Once you find a theme you like, click on the "code" link in the post which typically takes you to a pastebin page with the code of the theme.

10. click "raw" in the top ribbon, which takes you to a new page that has nothing but the code on it. (highlighted in red)

the new page will look something like this:

11. click anywhere in this page, and hit ctrl + a (on windows) or command + a (on mac) this selects all of the code. Now hit ctrl + c (windows) or command + c (mac). This copies all of the code to your clipboard.

12. Now go back to the theme editing page for you blog and click anywhere in the code box. hit ctrl + a (windows) or command + a (mac) to select all of the text in the code window. hit backspace (windows) or delete (mac) to erase the text.

13. now that your code window is empty, click in it again. Hit ctrl + v (windows) or command + v (mac), which should paste all of that code that you copied before into the code window.

14. Now hit "update preview" (highlighted in red)

this will update the preview of your blog so that you can now see it with the theme! It may not look quite right yet, but that's because you haven't set up all the customization options yet! Note that until you hit "save" the theme does not become live on your site.

15. hit "save" then hit the back arrow on the code window next to the gear symbol.

16. Now for the fun part! Customizing! Scroll down In the little sidebar to the section called "theme options." This is where you'll get to select stuff like colors, sidebar images and fonts. Sometimes, things still won't look right in the preview, but once you go to your page, you can see what it actually looks like. I recommend having a copy of your blog page open in another tab that you can refresh every time you hit "save" while customizing your theme, to make sure that things look right.

Tadah! you have a new cool website. share the news with your followers.

If you want to get into learning how to make your own themes, check out buildthemes or buildatheme or theme-hunter's tuts page. To learn about web code in general you can sign up for an account through codeacademy or dash general assembly or W3Schools or html dog