#but we maybe kind of suspect that the week long episodes of this happening after intense stress might be that

[thethingything]

for the last couple of days our brain has kind of felt the way it does when we've not had any caffeine and our ADHD gets really bad and we start getting distracted all the time and having racing thoughts and being generally unhinged, except we've been drinking energy drinks so I know it isn't that.

our psychosis definitely started flaring up as well because we've had the usual stress induced hallucinations we get (usually just spiders and little orbs of light. it's whatever) but also really intense paranoia over how people perceive us, but it's combined with the racing thoughts and we keep just rambling and jumping from one thing to another while freaking out about doing exactly that.

so yeah anyway if I talk to anyone and it looks like I'm typing stuff really frantically or it doesn't make sense properly, that's probably why. I just felt like this was worth clarifying in case anyone noticed and wondered what the hell was going on

[uravitypng]

𝐈 𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐊 𝐓𝐎𝐎 𝐌𝐔𝐂𝐇: 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄

pairing: denki kaminari x reader, (hanta sero x reader)

word count: 6.6k

content warnings/things in part five: not a lot in this chapter! some inappropriate thoughts and daydreams, reader kind of has self esteem issues but it's mainly fuelled by the paparazzi, reader wears a bikini, petnames (babydoll, pretty girl, princess->used playfully), jealous denki, maybe jealous hanta (if you squint really really hard??), mineta (ewww), written with a chubby reader in mind/// minors do not interact (in later chapters there will be more smut and more explicit content!!)

a/n: chapter five is finally out!! sorry it took so long but it's finally out and boy is it longer than previous chapters. i really really really hope you enjoy this part, i've loved writing it! i was meant to finish it last week but i've been binging romance animes lmao.

summary: it's terrible when you're in love with your best friend. it's terrible that he's in love with someone else.

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"I can't believe our agencies are letting us go to the beach! Out of all the ways they could deal with the current situation they choose this!" You say excitedly and beam as you walk a little ahead of everyone but they can still all hear you.

"Yeah it's like that typical anime beach episode." Denki runs up over to you grinning. As denki runs up to you he trips over on the sand before catching himself, you bite you lip to stifle a laugh and process what Denki just said.

"Did you just compare what's happening to a beach episode right now Denks?"

"She's right Kaminari, this may seem like a relaxing day but we're here for a reason. If those League of Villain copycat group show up here like we suspect then we need to be ready." Todoroki 'reminds' you all and you have to resist the urge to roll your eyes. You weren't referring to the mission when you said that Denki, you were just stating that beach episodes are different to real life beach trips.

A couple of heroes with you seem so suspicious, shifting their eyes around the surrounding area. Plus you don't understand the choice of bringing along Todoroki and Bakugo, they're to recognisable and well known, even if the villains did show up they wouldn't stay for long after noticing who's here too.

You have a gut feeling this mission will come up with nothing. This whole time will be a wild goose chase leading you here with zero results. You've told them just as much, 'when have I ever been wrong about this kind of stuff guys? this whole mission to the beach will be useless we should focus on other things, find out where they really are.'

It's so frustrating that they don't believe you... Well most of them... All of them to be honest but they can't voice that out loud. Everyone whose hair is currently blowing in the wind and sand beneath their feet knows you very well and trust your instincts but they can't just ignore this lead they've been given. Katsuki expects you have a second quirk that allows you foresight, he especially trusts your intuition.

Denki stretches, groaning in pleasure while you quickly turn your head away from him and try to drown out the noise.

"Well I for one think we can relax, I have it on good authority" he grins at you before continuing, "that nothing will happen today. We might as well relax. This reminds me of our extended three day weekend holiday our class went to on the last week before leaving school."

All of the UA, Class A, alumni heroes that are present reminiscence on your time together. Bittersweet feelings flood your emotions as you think about how much you miss seeing them so often, yet glad and blessed with the time you did get to share with them back when you were all teenagers.

"Or when we went to Nabu island in our first year," Ochako adds.

"I didn't like that at all. Not only did villains attack but on top of that every single hour of every day people on the island was calling into the hero centre wanting us to do something, no matter how trivial." Minata replies, his voice more apparent with age, mostly losing the lisp he had.

"That's not the reason why and you know it. Every other day you were being perverted to random girls on the island." Hanta doesn't try to hide his annoyed tone from everyone. He's never concealed his disapproval of Minata's actions and that was originally one of the first things that drew you to strike up a conversation and friendship with him.

"Can we just sit down and make snide comments in a minute?" You ask, holding onto a large cooler with both hands and a couple heavy bags slung over your shoulder.

Ochako hums in agreement and pulls the massive beach towel from under her arm and places it down.

You hear Mineta mumble, "how are you a hero?" as he sees you strain to hold the icebox and it becomes so quiet but even though it's mumbled it sounds like the loudest anyone has spoken since you got to the beach.

Your quirk isn't suited to strength, everyone knows that. Your quirk isn't like Midoriya's or Kiri's or Sato's. It doesn't mean you aren't strong though, your quirk is very strong. Struggling to hold a box full of ice cubes and cold drinks plus two bulky bags for over an hour doesn't make you weak.

He's so hypocritical... he wouldn't even be able to lift it up and get it off the ground.

You're a hero for a reason, you know how brilliant you are but hearing that bothered you and distressed you for a reason and coming from Mineta it's even stranger that it effected you, he's made plenty of jabs towards you before but the way he said it irked you, especially because he said it in front of so many other heroes.

Before you can even defend yourself and before anyone else can, Denki does. Mina was about to speak, Hanta was about to, Katsuki took a deep breath in to start yelling and making tiny explosions in the centre of his palms but Denki beat them all to it, he even beat you to it. "What the fuck does that mean?" You stand in shock and your eyes widen at how much rage is in his voice, almost hostile. You've never heard him speak like that before. It doesn't only shock you but everyone else is taken aback.

Denki was so distracted and enraged by what Mineta said he didn't even notice his own tone, all he could think about was 'how dare he say that about you.'

Mineta started stuttering a response about how it was a joke and he didn't mean it. That snapped you out of you stupor and you pull on Denki's sleeve. "Denki, what are you doing?"

His eyes snap up to look at you and his body relaxes, "I- I no one should speak to you like that 'doll," he murmurs gently but you still hear him, all of you do.

A small smile slips on your face and you grip his sleeve tighter. "Thank you Denki," you tell him sincerely. He turned bright pink and you miss it instead whipping your head round to face Minata and pointing a finger out in the air, "listen here small fry, don't speak to me like that again. Who beat you all the times in training? Oh yeah, it was me." You tell him sternly and firmly, not leaving room for any hollow argument.

Katsuki smirks when you call him 'small fry' and wonders how many other nicknames he's made that you use.

Mina claps her hands together after you said your peace and had shut Mineta up, "right, let's get this towel down so I can start sunbathing," she grins. She sees from the corner of her eye that Todoroki is about to say something again about how they need to stay completely focused so before he can say anything Mina adds on, "just kidding," mumbling "kinda" under her breath.

One second Mina's fully clothed and the next second she's only in her bikini laying face down with her face to the side pouting at you and Ochako, "can someone put sunscreen on me? I don't want to burn."

"I'll do it!" Mineta replies automatically, just when you thought he wouldn't say anything else perverted today.

"The fuck you will!" Katsuki yells and you can almost hear the threat of explosions coming from his palms. He stays silent after that and doesn't say anything else, he leers over all the girls but in silence this time.

Everyone relaxes and starts up idle chatter and it was worth it carrying all those heavy things when you finally get to open up a cold drink, refreshing you. Ochako lathers Mina's body in sunscreen claiming that she doesn't want her to burn. You pat next to you and set your eyes on Todoroki, "come sit down Todoroki, you look really shady just standing around."

His lip quirks up in a rare small smile and accepts your offer. "You're right, we're heroes, we're ready to fight and apprehend a villain at the drop of a hat."

You giggle, "that's the spirit."

Due to the sweltering heat everyone has shredded layers, apart from you and Hanta. Even Todoroki has taken off his shirt and is currently annoying Katsuki while most of the heroes are playing beach volleyball. You're boiling and you can feel a few drops of sweat running down your neck but you don't get changed- you can't.

Underneath your clothes you're wearing a bikini but you feel too self conscious to get rid of your clothes, even though your hair is sticking to your face and your skin feels tacky and kind of gross. In your head you curse out those paparazzi from the gala a couple months ago who made you feel insecure as the photos taken of everyone started circulating online.

You gaze up at Hanta, squinting as the sun hits you eyes. Noticing this, Hanta moves the parasol to the side so it covers your eyes from the light. Now in the shade, Hanta grins "better?"

You make a noise of confirmation and nod your head, "thanks Hanta."

Hanta tells you that you're welcome while he lifts up his top starting at the top of his body, near his neck, his voice muffled under the top making you giggle. Your brain catches up with the situation too late as you watch his midriff exposed and the rest of his top half soon after. You swallow your saliva and time seems to slow down as you check him out. His hero costume is skin tight so it's not hard to imagine how he looks under his clothes. It wouldn't be fair to actually compare the two of what you envisioned to reality because after seeing him topless, wow reality is that much better you'd thought.

You wish those thoughts didn't rush though your mind but alas they do, 'my subconscious didn't do Hanta enough justice in my dream.' His arms are particularly muscular, which makes sense with his quirk and you wonder how much he can lift up with all that upper arm strength. There's a large pink scar on his shoulder that you've never seen before and you speculate silently how he got it.

One minute you were admiring his physique and the next you were nearly jumping out of your own skin as Hanta takes off his shorts and you feel the need to bury your head in your hands. You see his thick thighs and you have no control as all you can hear in your head is him calling you 'pretty girl' over and over again.

You're incredibly embarrassed by thinking about your sex dream. You try to avert your gaze away from him but beforehand Hanta can feel your watching eyes on him and spins his body around making eye contact with you, grinning wide and winking. You fiddle the hem of you top, suddenly shy that you've been caught and Hanta flops down next to you, still grinning. "Like what you see princess?" He asks teasingly, emphasising 'princess.'

"O-oh, shut up," you roll your eyes at him. Hanta chuckles and reaches over to the cooler and gets himself a drink. You elbow him on the shoulder, "idiot," and burst out in a fit of laughing and Hanta joins in.

"What's with the shirt?" Hanta asks gesturing to what you're wearing.

You feign ignorance, pretending you don't know what he's talking about. "Huh?"

"You must be hot in that."

"I'm okay," you say and you hope he doesn't notice that you're lying.

"I can see sweat trickle down your forehead, don't get me wrong you're still hot, just now in every sense."

You feel a combination of scoffing at his playful flirting and wrapping your arms around yourself shy and embarrassed but Hanta doesn't let you get too in your head and grabs an unopened drink and places it on your cheek, making you yelp and interrupting your thoughts. "Any better?" He moves the can up onto your forehead. "Why don't you want to get changed pretty girl?"

You stay silent and Hanta waits for you to speak patiently. "What I'm wearing underneath exposes more than normal."

"You've worn swimming costumes and bikini sets in public before, has anything changed. Is it a bad day today?"

Your heart warms when he asks if you had a bad day. "Not a bad day as such but there's been photos of everyone circulating after the charity gala a little while ago and the dress doesn't look as good as I thought it did. Because we're in public I'm kind of wary if someone takes photos and like I said it's more revealing than other ones I have... I regret choosing this one to wear today, it's not very flattering."

"I'll be the judge of that pretty girl." he grins lazily and you huff at his behaviour. You were intending to condone his reaction after you've just been so sincere about how you're truly feeling, especially since Hanta is typically more considerate than that but you should know not to jump to conclusions because after a pause he starts speaking again.

"In all seriousness you looked beautiful that night and I saw photos of everyone all over my twitter feed the day after and it didn't change my mind about how you looked that night. If people take pictures then they take pictures, we're here on a mission," you wince at the reminder that this is a mission but he gives you a reassuring smile, "a pointless mission with your perfect intuition but a mission all the same. You shouldn't sacrifice the relief of cooling down and if your swimming costume is revealing then that's okay, Mina is practically naked," you giggle and he smiles wide. "All of us are hot so anyone who sees us should be lucky,"

There's a cross between a chuckle and a raised eyebrow as you ask him, "even Mineta?" The immediate hard reply of 'no' makes you laugh again. "Haven't you always preached body positivity and acceptance for all?" You tease.

"If he wasn't such a pervert than my answer would be different," Hanta's says simply and you don't know if he's unaware of the affect that had on you. Hanta never once treated anyone different if they didn't fit societal norms, even when other people would, he didn't. Both him and Kiri were like that, it's probably why you always respected them so much.

Hanta's words did convince you to pull off your clothes, you were boiling but you finally shed off your clothes, grimacing as the top sticks to you. Hanta's resting his face in the palm of his hand, looking at you with hooded eyes that makes you feel almost bashful. You can tell his gaze isn't one of leering so you don't mind it so much.

You're completely free of clothes now and feeling a lot better now but you're still sticky, planning to go for a swim in a bit.

"I knew it," Hanta smirks and you look at him confused. "You look beautiful in that pretty girl, pink and white suits you."

"Oh please Hanta, sweat is trickling down my back and clinging to my eyebrow and cupid's brow. I can practically taste it," you disagree with him.

Hanta chuckles deeply, "you're still beautiful."

You tut and grab the sun-lotion from one of the bags, wanting to hide your face for a second. "Who first?" You grin at each other.

"Whoever you want."

"Okay, turn around to face me." He does what he's told, beforehand downing the rest of his drink and sitting so close that your knees are nearly touching his back as you sit on your heels. Opening the cap and squirting some in your hand, you begin to place you hands on his back. Hanta jumps slightly and you ask if he's okay, he responds that he is but it was colder than he expected, you apologise but laugh louder than the apology you give at that answer.

You rub your hands over him, making sure you don't miss any spots not wanting him to burn and have to take a deep breath as you feel his defined shoulder muscles under your palms. You lift his hair up slightly that's covering his neck and make sure it's covering his neck too. Half of you is thinking about how you're very physically close to Hanta and you've never done anything like this before but a louder voice is disagreeing, you both are very touchy-feely, you fall asleep on him and spar together all the time and when watching films in groups you'll share blankets, so is this really different?

'He's kissed me too, so this isn't a big deal...'

You don't pay much mind when you start to press your hand over the places that he can reach. You don't think as you rub cream on his arms and get up and face him, sitting back down as you make eye contact and give him a small smile. He doesn't say anything and neither do you. You put sunscreen on his chest and marvel about how built he feels, you carefully pick up his arms and make certain you cover every inch of him. You squeeze more sunscreen on your hands and close the lid before gently swiping along his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. You see the genuine smile that adorns his face and that snaps you out of your stupor, you momentarily stop putting the lotion on him, freezing, before starting again, although this time a bit more bashfully and not being able to make eye contact with him, instead just looking at the rest of his face.

"Think I'm nearly covered. Next it's you, yeah?" He says softly and you hum confirmation.

At the same time Denki's breathing deeply, trying to catch his breath after overdoing it while playing volleyball and he lets everyone know he's going back to get a drink and he's missing the next match out. He runs up, not noticing until he got close how your hands are running along Sero's body and how you're too close for comfort, it's looks far too intimate, too sensual. Denki clenches his teeth so hard it's a wonder they don't shatter.

"What's this?" Denki asked you both, forcing a smile on his face. You're surprised by his sudden appearance and feel almost guilty, you're really not sure why though.

Kaminari chooses to ignore the exasperated sigh that comes from Sero and gazes at you. You take your hands off Hanta and place them in your lap, "helping each other with putting on sunscreen. Have you already put yours on?"

"Uh. Yeah?"

You scrunch up your face not believing that and give him a pointed look, crossing your arms and it gives both Denki and Hanta everything in them to not look down as you unknowingly push your breasts up higher as you cross your arms. "I don't believe you."

"I did! Just.. Probably not the most thoroughly." He admits sheepishly and you cross your arms.

"Hey Sero, come join our team! We're a player down," Mina hollers to him, not asking you, knowing that you wouldn't want to play. Hanta goes slightly rigid at the request, he doesn't want to leave, he's supposed to put sunscreen on you in a minute and being around you one on one was wonderful, your soft touch on his cheeks and how you delicately moved his hair out of the way.

Little does he know you're in the same situation, although Denki's here now you don't want Hanta to go, you want him to jokingly make more flirty comments and call you pretty girl again. Even though you know he isn't serious about it and even though you know he does it with everyone it still makes you feel good.

Denki sits down very close to you and has a drink before saying, "You should go Sero, a lot of them won't let it go about an unbalanced team. They'll either have won unfairly with an extra player or lost unfairly because they were a player down."

Hanta sighs again before sitting up, "yeah you're right, I don't think I can handle another repeat of similar situation with Bakugou beating Todoroki at the sports festival." You chuckle and he leaves.

You want to ask Denki if he likes your swimming costume but you can't get the words out so instead you ask him, "Hanta was going to put sun-lotion on me but he left, can you do it instead? Just my back and stuff," you ask him. "The places I can't reach," you clarify. You really don't want to get burnt and hopefully if Denki's only touching quickly from behind you won't get too flustered and if you slightly do he won't see. You're definitely not strangers to physical affection with Denki but you are strangers when it involves so little clothes.

"I... uh-"

You interrupt him, taking his pause and lack of answer as reluctance and you don't want to force him to do something he doesn't want to do. You try and ignore the voice in your head that's asking a million questions about why, what's so bad about it. "Don't worry about it Denks I'll just put my top back on," picking up your top and turning it the right way round. 'Ah it was really nice to cool down for awhile.'

Denki grabs onto your top before you can put it back on. "No!" He rushes out and lets go of your top. Levelling his voice back to normal he says, "no, don't do that, you'll get too hot. Let me just move behind you." You give a tiny nod and hum. "Can you pass me the bottle babydoll?"

"Oh yeah," you open your hand and lay the sunscreen bottle in it so he can take it, his fingertips brush against your palm as he takes the bottle from you and you feel him shuffle behind you. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah! All good!" He hopes you don't hear the strain in his voice as he tries to sound okay and squeezes some cream out. "Okay it's going to be cold now," he warns you, "although it might just be refreshing," he adds. He talks so close to you, you can feel his breath on your shoulder blade and for a second there you thought he was going to kiss it by the way he lingered after he spoke but he pulled away and you told yourself about how ridiculous that idea was.

Denki pulls back and repeats that he's going to start now. He's right when he's said it would be cold but also when he said it would be refreshing. However you underestimated thinking Denki touching you wouldn't impact you. What you didn't realise is Denki was doing worse of than you were and you don't hear his swallowing over your own thoughts. Your soft body melds in between his nervous fingers as he makes gentle large circular motions on your skin.

You fight back a shiver as he touches your sides and goes all the way up to your shoulders. "Do you want to lay down?"

"Huh?!" You say a little louder than necessary. Denki is taking so much care with you, more than you thought and it's making you try to force down all the butterflies that are trying to flutter in your stomach. With every minute that passes with his gentle touch, the more heat rises to your cheeks and the more bashful you become. You don't know if you'll be able to handle much more of this.

"You asked me to help you with the places you can't reach." He reminds you and you wince. You didn't ask Hanta to lay down but now the man you love is asking you to and that means he'll be touching you more. Half of you is almost happy about this but the other half is thinking back to how Denki was silent when first asked and why was he silent, it would of been so much easier if Hanta didn't have to leave but you do what he says and lie down on your front, your head turned to the side watching everyone play volleyball in the distance.

You jump as Denki touches you again, still with care. You start to ball up your fists and your cheeks get hotter and hotter, especially when he touches your thighs. You were about to break the silence between you both when he touches your plush thighs but he quickly moves on, quicker than when he's touching other parts of your body.

Simultaneously Denki sucks in teeth and squeezes his eyes shut when he touches your thighs, he almost regrets asking you to lie down. He doesn't stay on your thighs long and goes over to your hips, you feel like his hand itches a bit to close to the string of your bikini bottoms but you dismiss it as he quickly moves his hand away again.

"All done," he says quietly but deeply as he retracts his hands from you.

"What?" You ask. It's not your fault you're distracted it's his, if Denki's going to hover around certain parts of your body he's to blame for any daydreams. It's not your fault if you imagine Denki lowering your bikini bottoms and untying the strings of your bikini top while he actually does place kisses on your shoulder blade, all along down your spine reaching the place he normally keeps his hand when you get too panicky and overwhelmed at events. Holding onto your hips and leaving bites and marks all over your body, letting small sparks go from his fingertips in your inner thighs making you moan-

"I said I'm all done now," you nearly squeak as you're interrupted from your daydream again and swiftly move to get up, Denki holding out his hand for you to take to help you up and turn you back round so you're facing each other again. "Do you want me to do your front?"

You shake your head rapidly and reply, "it's okay I can do it." Your eyes narrow as you see how red his cheeks are, "I know you said you didn't put sunscreen on properly but come on Denks at least put it on your face," you condemn.

"I did!" Denki rebuttals but you don't believe him for one second as you see his face and you tell him just as much.

"I don't trust you, if you've put sunscreen on your face why are you so red?"

"I must not have put it on properly, I should have had someone do it for me. Even though it's the front of my body I should have been more careful with applying." He hopes you don't call him out on his lie and his wording, you don't. After you don't he pushes a bit more, "Sero won't have the same problem because you made sure he was completely covered... I don't want you to burn."

You weigh the pros and cons and in the end the pros outweigh the cons. On one hand you'd prefer not to have anymore dirty inappropriate imagery of Denki but you don't want to get burnt, you're going on a blind date in a few days from now and you don't want them to see you with peeling skin and burning, angry, crimson hot streaks from wherever the sunscreen didn't cover.

"I'll take you up on that, if you still don't mind."

"I offered didn't I?" He smiles at you kindly and gestures for to lie on your back.

"Do I have to lie down Denki?" You ask a bit wary about any more daydreams you might have.

"You don't have to if you don't want to, it's your decision. I think it would make the most sense though."

You're not entirely sure about his logic behind that answer but you trust him and if it makes the most sense then you're sure you'll be able to survive a couple more minutes.

"Great!" Denki says a bit to enthusiastically and he's not deaf to how strange it must sound with how quick his attitude towards this situation seems to have changed.

Lying on your back you suppress the urge to cover your face with a sun hat to hide from him and from this position. The sight you're seeing takes your breath away. You're often reminded about how attractive Denki is, and at random times of the day too, like right now. His pretty golden eyes are reflecting against the sun at this angle, making you get lost in them. Denki unintentionally flexes as he reaches over you to pick something up you don't see and it's only natural that your eyes drift to his well-earned muscles from hero work, his lean body shining with sweat and his blonde hair is falling down his face. You don't even think about it before reaching up and running your hands through his hair and away from his face so you can see his whole face more clearly. A tender smile that you return appears on his face and you swear his face looks redder than before.

What he was reaching before becomes into your view and you see it's his black headband to push back his hair, he didn't think it was necessary earlier but now he's more confident in his movements and in his mind getting his hair completely out of his face so he can see you properly is the best way to go to make sure you're completely covered from the sun and he tells you just as much, although leaving out the part of him being previously not confident and being nervous about it, because you would ask 'why?'

He pushes his hair back with his headband and continues to rub lotion in circles on your skin, this time on the front of your body.

Denki's hand stops and even though you can't see what he's looking at you just know. "Denki?" You say quietly.

He's jolted from his thoughts at your voice and rests his whole hand gently on your rib where a faded jagged scar decorates your skin. His hand is now no longer covered in any cream after rubbing the remaining sunscreen left over in his hand and was currently just gently stroking your scar after hearing your voice.

Subconsciously he's moved his other hand to your hip and normally you would be more flustered than you are by this gesture but the way he's holding you clues you in that all he's thinking about is how you got that scar and he's holding you for comfort- his own comfort.

The first year of hero work out of UA you encountered a villain that got the better of you. You were too slow or maybe she was too fast but either way you ended up with her arm slicing into you. Realising too late that her quirk allows her to form rough, sharp, knife-like shapes in her forearms, cutting deep into your skin as the quirk then secretes poison after making contact with your blood after the slash.

You don't remember much after that just everything fading to black and waking up, lying in a hospital bed, with Denki by your side, looking like he hasn't slept in days as he tells you that Sero found you and luckily he did find you because you lost a lot of blood but more urgently the poison had entered your blood stream and destroying your body from the inside, luckily you were treated when you did.

That wasn't the only time getting injured while working but it's the one that seemed to scare Denki the most, from your point of view that's what it looked like at least. You surmised a long time ago that that incident was more serious than everyone told you.

"Denki, I'm okay now." You assure him softly.

"Yeah," he says so quietly that it's almost silent.

Trying to cheer him up but also sharing your honest feelings about the matter you admit to him, "plus I think it's kind of cool y'know? It's almost like we're matching now. It reminds me of a lightning bolt."

Denki's eyes snap up to look at you, and squeezes your hip subtly for a second before letting go. His mouth opens and it looks like he's about to say something before closing it.

"You're right babydoll," he doesn't say anything for a second before adding, "I promise you won't get hurt like that again," he tapers off at the end and it becomes more of a mutter.

You giggle because how's he going to do that? You're a hero, just like him and his protectiveness of you makes you giggly and giddy because what is he going to do, wrap you up in bubble wrap?

Denki brightens up as he hears you laugh and smirks, uncapping the lid of bottle again and finishing the rest of his assigned role. He surprises even himself as he lifts up the strap of your bikini top a bit to put sunscreen under it, he's not sure what he'll say if you question it but you're too busy biting the inside of your cheek because 'that was intimate, he was basically undressing me'. You know that's not entirely accurate but he was still moving your clothes, and your bikini top no less!

Luckily for your own sanity the only other noteworthy thing that happened was when Denki applied the cream to your neck unlike how he's been doing the whole time beforehand. Instead of making circular motions he was wrapping his hand around your whole neck all at once and rubbing it in all in one go. You can only imagine how rapid your pulse was beating and it's astonishing that Denki didn't say anything. You think at that moment you exploded and couldn't help but wonder about how his hands seemed very confident and comfortable around someone's neck...

Lifting yourself up, Denki stands at the same time and holds out his hand for you to hold onto, "wanna go swimming?"

"I'd love to," while taking his hand you answer.

As soon as you stand up the voices from your friends get closer and you watch as they make their way over to you. You hear Mina exclaim, "Ahh, I love your bikini! It really suits you. Where did you get it from?" You heart warms when you hear the compliment, knowing that not just Hanta likes it but Mina does too.

Even though you haven't been playing volleyball like some of the others you're still equally hungry having been sweating all day and only having a light breakfast so your plans to go swimming gets delayed as everyone sits down and gets ready to eat lunch. Bakugou starts laying out food prepared by him, not trusting some random person at his agency to do it or anyone else going on the mission, people like Todoroki are notoriously bad when it comes to anything involving or similar to cooking. Denki grabs a couple of sandwiches for the both of you, and you can't help but scrunch up your nose at his choice, having a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich is completely normal but the amount of mayonnaise he adds to it is not. He's kind enough to grab your favourite though so you don't verbalise your slight disgust (this time at least) and happily eat lunch with everyone else, listening as Katsuki brags about how he scored the most in the volleyball.

After finishing your sandwiches Denki picks up a watermelon slice from the platter and holds it near your mouth, "say ahhh" you automatically open your mouth humming 'ahhh' not even thinking about it. Denki feeds you the watermelon as you take a bite of it.

"Want to go swimming now?"

"Sure."

" 'Kay." Denki then speaks louder so everyone else can hear him, "we're gonna go swimming."

Then a swarm of replies of people saying 'okay' and Kiri saying, "see you in a bit, i'm going to go swimming after finishing up eating".

Taking the already inflated doughnut with you, you leave and get to the sea line, yelping as the cold water moves and touches your legs. Denki chuckles and you scowl at him. He sprints into the water and sighs as it cools him down, gingerly you walk into the water, reaching him and a cross between a sigh and a shiver escapes you.

Denki takes the doughnut ring from your grasp and places it over your head onto your waist, pulling the side, with you in it, further into the water while you float along with him, you halfheartedly complain but he grins at you while you pout.

"Cooler now than you were earlier in the day 'doll?"

"Yeah," you smile softly.

"I'm glad," Denki replies back.

As you get farther from the tide Denki stops and spins the float that's holding you around a couple times, before stopping and holding the inflatable with his two hands on either side and grins as you. "Remember when we were like fifteenth and we went to the beach together, you ended up burying me in sand, I still have nightmares about it," Denki says solemnly, jokingly.

You giggle uncontrollable at the memory remembering it like yesterday. "It's your fault, I mean who falls asleep while eating an ice cream at the beach. It was only natural for me to lay you down and bury you. Plus, it was payback!"

"Payback for what may I ask?" He knows what you'll say.

You gasp in fake horror of him forgetting, "you knocked down my sandcastle when we were little! We went to the beach together for the summer, both of our families, and I begged you to make a sandcastle with me but you didn't want to, you ran off and made a new friend for the day and while you were running back from the sea with him you ran into my sandcastle and knocked it over! It was traumatic!"

"I don't remember that, are you sure?" Denki smirks and you slash him. He starts spinning you around again, this time rapidly and continuously, you squeal and get dizzy. You try and splash him more as you both laugh. He halts spinning you and you make eye contact, "please forgive six year old me, it's not like he brought you a coke and an ice cream and let you decide what film to watch that night when you stayed at mine to make up for it or anything." He teases you with a grin and you think about how you'd like to stay in this moment forever, this perfect moment, his arms brushing against your body as he holds onto the float, the grinning and laughter you share, the memories and the now, just the two of you.

You're thankful you were right about the mission.

tag list: @st4r-girl-official @xnorthstar3x @cherribxio @stabbygabyy @boreaswrites @skylardarling (i don't remember if you wanted me to tag you, sorry but you sent me an ask about i talk too much so i thought i'd tag you) @kelly-fushiguro345 ♡♡

[thebibliosphere]

so I’ve always had dermatographia, but since getting Covid for the 4th time this fall, I also am spontaneously breaking out on hives on my back a couple times per week. It doesn’t seem to do much, just kind of itches and then goes away after a half hour. I have no known allergies. Do you think this is indicative of some kind of mast cell issue? I can’t tell if this is an episode of weird body, meh, or a red flag of a huge impending problem.

There was a study released this year about long-covid and how it can result in symptoms similar to MCAS.

Let's see if I can find it... Ah. Here.

So, obviously, we won't know the full ramifications of covid for probably decades, but in the meantime, there is some evidence to suggest that long-covid patients show abnormal mast cell release of excessive cytokine (among other things), which is, well, when it fucks up, it fucks up.

That's what made the cytokine storms patients were experiencing in the early days of covid so dangerous. It's like the immune system equivalent of throwing napalm onto a housefire.

(I also suspect that's why so many front-line doctors now believe in the severity of MCAS. They were watching this shit happen in real-time.)

So, is it possible your recurrent covid infections have led to a bit of mast cell instability and causing spontaneous hives? Speaking anecdotally from the sheer volume of emails people have sent me and the MCAS forums now flooded with people who got covid and can't stop itching, yeah, it's possible.

But it's also possible it won't progress beyond that point.

I'd advise keeping an eye on it and talking to your doctor if you have concerns.

Also, maybe look into getting re-tested for allergies. Allergies can develop at any time in your life, and there could be another explanation for the hives.

Basically, don't panic, but do take care of yourself and watch for any other symptoms. Don't ignore any sudden new food allergies or gastro or cardio symptoms. The sooner MCAS is treated, the easier it is to manage. Mine had decades to run rampant on my body to get to the stage it was at. It doesn't have to be that way for everyone.

Take care, and I hope the hives stop!

[nickmakura]

Adult Scooby-Doo TV Show Pitch

So, the idea with my theoretical Adult Swim Scooby-Doo TV Show is to avoid any inclination this is a reimagining. I'm envisioning this is as being a sort of continuation of the concepts and story present in Zombie Island, Witch's Ghost, and Alien Invaders. But, attempting to keep up the original episodic format of "Where Are You?" and breaking some limits of what you can put these characters through.

Part of the reason "Zombie Island" works, is because these are the same characters we grew up with. But they're a little older now too. They all have jobs, they're long past high-school, they have adult expectations. But for the most part, Hanna-Barbera doesn't change anything about Mystery Inc's personality, and instead drops them into a scenario that is dark and gritty. Which makes it far more terrifying.

But another reason is Zombie Island keeps the inherent comedy without sacrificing the horror. Good stuff.

So how do you take the concepts of Zombie Island, and transform it into a monster of the week Scooby-Doo show?

Coast to Coast with Scooby-Doo!

Part I: The Plot

After the harrowing experiences dealing with true brushes with the supernatural and the paranormal, Daphne Blake is now more convinced then ever that she needs live footage of a real honest to good ghost. If they can get one on camera, and report it, this will be the find of a century.

Sticking with the original plan, Scoob & The Gang travel across America investigating real folklore and horrors, in hopes of finding something real.

Part II: The Formula

So, Coast to Coast With Scooby-Doo is kind of a mix of genres. But for the most part, I want it to be a Horror Comedy Mystery show, but it's also a road trip show. One of the things I liked about Zombie Island, is that it took place in New Orleans, and introduced us to real New Orleans cuisine. From beignets, to po' boys, crawdads, gumbo and jambalaya. But it also told us about the voodoo scene in New Orleans.

I'm now dead set on heading out to New Orleans sometime just to try the food, and I think that's something that can really help drag Scooby-Doo down to earth. It makes you really want to visit these places, and maybe investigate a haunting while you're there too.

So, here's the setup.

Spooky Cold Open, probably a Murder

Theme Song

Scoob & The Gang ride the mystery machine into town, probably with some sort of banter. Velma brings up where they're going, and Shag is like "Yo man, it's been a minute since we've been out to New York! You guys think Trinidad Golden Palace is still open? Like they had one crazy Shark Sandwich dude!" Then another member of the gang brings up they're actually looking to go to the statue of Liberty, where, by the way, there is ACTUAL rumors of buried treasure and ghosts. This changes depending on local

The gang stumble upon mystery, ask questions, find out gruesome details, meet suspects. Daphne & Fred interview some people.

They film the hauntings as they're happening, and search for clues.

Then, as the episode progresses we figure out whether or not this thing is real or fake. If it's real, the gang have to find a way to take down the monster using ingenuity and what they've found in the episode, or they have to capture the culprit and breakdown the mystery.

Small things, but I feel like having a constant bet between characters whether or not it's real or if it's fake would be something really fun actually. I think the audience would have fun getting in on the question too, and guessing along with the gang.

Part III: The Adult Part

So, this is a show for adults, but the fact it's FOR adults will not override that it IS Scooby-Doo. Which is to say, that it will have murder, swearing, mentions of sex, but it will not go beyond what you expect in terms of tone from Scooby-Doo. It's a fun horror comedy mystery show about 4 friends and their dog who investigate spooky mysteries. You can't change that core premise or you risk it no longer being Scooby-Doo and something else entirely.

So if you need a member of the gang to swear for a scene, you can, but it can't breach too far out of character for the group. Like Fred can say fuck, but he's still the leader Dad type guy who likes Daphne, and likes building absurd rube goldberg type traps. Shaggy can smoke weed, but he's still the goofy moral center of the group. He makes fun sandwiches, he cracks dumb jokes, he's scared of getting stabbed, but he sticks around for his friends. Velma can be a lesbian, but she's still the quirky smart character who loves books and science.

But most importantly you need to make sure it's still abundantly clear to the audience that no matter how much drama or crazy shit they see, Scoob & The Gang are all best friends who love working together.

[anghraine]

The best friend and I played a bunch of Mass Effect 3 over the last few weeks! The things I remember most clearly are Thessia, Leviathan, Sanctuary, Horizon, the Citadel DLC, and the initial return to [redacted].

Long ramble about all of it:

My best friend had me choose the companions for the run to the temple on Thessia, and naturally I chose our beloved Liara and problematic fave Javik. I wasn't glad to see it fall (quite the contrary), but it seemed a bit apropos that the asari leadership's various choices wrt the war came back to bite them. Still, it was really sad, esp since it's the only time we really saw it and Liara was really upset.

...all the more because we brought Javik and he kept interrupting her explanations to be like "all your religious beliefs are gifts we gave to your people's ancestors before they figured out writing." It was a lot for her, but I did feel a touch of annoyance at what seemed a bit of an unspoken assumption that this might happen to other people's homes, but not hers. Very asari, to be sure. And I like it as a subtle aspect of her character—not a criticism of the game there, just a sidenote, I guess.

Kai Leng showing up was just ... /sigh. I don't really get what his deal is beyond being Cerberus and hating Shepard a lot for some unknown reason. Eventually we do see the past!Illusive Man comparing him to Shepard (in a positive way!), so maybe it's something to do with that, idk. He feels pretty underwritten to me compared to the rest of the major cast, who are generally super vivid (I mean, I love background characters like Westmoreland!). So I'm just irritated when he shows up and disrupts interesting things.

The Leviathan DLC was a really good horror episode taken in its own right, but as part of the wider game, I'm not sure. I kind of ... didn't want to know more about the Reapers? The sequence was fantastic (especially down in the bottom of the sea!), yet the less mysterious the Reapers get, the less engaged I am by them. Whatever the hell is going on with Cerberus and the Illusive Man is a lot more compelling to me at this point.

Speaking of whom, Sanctuary was just what the fuck?! from beginning to end. I've always been suspicious of the whispers about it, but I didn't guess that they were transforming refugees into husks to experiment on, you know? Damn. Miranda was not exaggerating about her father's callousness even a little.

Speaking of Miranda, she is probably at the top of my problematic ME characters list, and ... look. Okay. I know the mechanics of the game suggest she's straight. To me she has the most intense bi energy of just about any human in the game. I love (female) Shepard/Liara, a lot, but I just feel like there's a ton of UST between our Shepard and Miranda, all the more by the end of the Citadel DLC. I'll just leave that there.

After that, it was extremely cathartic to wreck the Cerberus base on Horizon with EDI. No gods no masters <3

And then we got to finally kill Kai Leng for good. Asshole. Blahblah, more villain monologues from the younger-looking Illusive Man (/suspicion). I suspect he's in cahoots with Harbinger or something and thinks he's actually the one in control.

Then there was the Citadel DLC, which I've heard a lot of great things about. Early on, I wasn't actually sure I'd like it as much as other people do—self-referential humor and stakes-lowering banter are not to my taste in general, and there were several times in the earlier parts that it didn't quite work for me (not because it was bad, but I just don't like that kind of thing by and large). I did laugh at the "I should go" jokes, though!

We did it with Wrex-Liara and then Garrus-Liara, which felt very apropos to the storyline, since the whole deal with the clone is that she has all of Shepard's technical skills but overlooks the importance of Shepard as team player and friend. And Wrex, Garrus, and Liara specifically go way back with Shepard.

When the clone was going on her villain rants about how she has everything Shepard did, she can do everything Shepard can, I was like "but she can't do everything Liara and Garrus can ... oh. This is about the power of friendship!" And it was, in a really charming way.

I did think Brooks was suspect as hell the whole time, so that was validating.

The clone's obsession with being The Real Shepard and having the grand mystique and galactic stature and all of that did highlight something interesting to me. I'd read an argument that ME1 is actually the best ME game, and one of the reasons in that argument is that ME1 Shepard is ... cool, but not nearly the superstar legend she becomes later on.

And Shepard's super special awesome greatness is hammered in a lot through ME2&3. I'm not sure that's actually worse than being scrappier, in terms of some artistic merit kind of thing, but the DLC is so reliant on Shepard's mystique that it got me thinking again about how easily this could become really annoying.

Like, I've loved many special or chosen male characters, but the idea of male badass Shepard seems just incredibly tedious to me. I'm not sure I could buy into this except with the pretty specific scenario we have of a lesbian Shepard who came up through a hard childhood on the streets of Earth.

Anyway, I absolutely adored the end of the clone arc (Garrus and Liara pulling the real Shepard up ;_;) and then the entire rest of the DLC, except the pull-up thing with James (very tiresome mechanically and he's my least fave of the ME3 squad). Miranda and Jack semi-reconciling was really adorable and I loved all the bizarre inter-character dynamics at the party. Also, Traynor winning against an asari named Polgara made me cackle. And my absolute most hated from ME2, Zaeed, was kind of delightful. Zaeed vs The Claw was just ... jafdkk;jadfjk;a

And Glyph's little bowtie! Incredible all around.

Oh, and the little date with Liara was super sweet. I loved that it stopped where it did, just that image of them embracing. It's great.

It was nice to see them seriously together even later, of course. And we got back to Earth! I was incredibly tired at that point, so my main thought was that the imagery of the united galactic fleet was essentially what The Rise of Skywalker tried and failed to do, but it was fantastic here, especially after everything we've done to get (almost) everyone together. (We did basically tell the salarians to go fuck themselves wrt the genophage.)

London looks suitably dreadful and we'd just gone around and talked to Anderson and then essentially everyone. Pretty much everyone continually brought up how awesome Shepard is, again, which reinforced my sense that this could be really annoying but is very nice for lesbian Shepard, and in any case, it feels like it's going somewhere now. We'll see where exactly that is!

[starlight-time-machine]

Week in Review

05/19/2024 – 05/25/2024

Sunday

Week 15 of missing Cipher Academy

Had to head out on a day trip, but before I did I quickly read the new Undead Unluck chapter. This was mainly a set-up chapter, disseminating the information we’ve learned from the Language fight and preparing for the next arc, but wow I never expected that we’d see Fuuko’s parents… I have a feeling that the next arc is going to be pretty emotional…

Monday

Oshi no Ko 149: I think Kana and Akane should just get together instead. Seeing Akane pull her Machiavellian schemes is funny, though.

Dandadan 152 and 153: Dammit the mangaka has got me again with the tragic backstory. I think they’ve really perfected their craft in this regard – they don’t get too long-winded about it, instead focusing on presenting specific images and moments that tell a much bigger story. Seeing the myriad of stickers in the apartment on the doors and counters at kid-height was so…the place just felt really lived in and realistic, making the tragedy hit even more as Zuma’s mom begs to stay. Zuma covering his little brother’s ears was also a nice touch, and we understand right away what their brotherly relationship must’ve been like. But then the silence as his little brother loses his umbrella…and we just see Zuma’s desperation and the aftermath… His mom’s cold grip around his wrist and then those last few panels are just so so horrible, especially the one where you can see Zuma trying his best to hold his mom back… I also appreciated this thematic thread of “people placing the blame on individuals rather than the lack of support infrastructure and the ways modern society crushes the less fortunate under its heel”, it makes sense why Zuma would feel angry towards the entire world and how it’s failed his family.

Magilumiere fine. Feels like textbook final fight stuff.

Chainsaw Man fine. The narrative just feels so…aimless and vague.

Rewatched some Succession episodes just to feel something. Season 3 episode 5 will always be a favourite for the absolute chaos it brings, but this time I really enjoyed Tom likening him and Shiv to sorority sisters whose cycles have synced up…he’s so girlcoded it’s insane. And then I watched season 4 episode 7 for the satisfaction of watching Tom and Shiv’s marriage blow up – I have their argument almost memorized by now.

Tuesday

Against my better judgement, I stayed up and read The Unusual Suspects by Michael Buckley in pretty much one sitting, and was fairly underwhelmed. As with the first book in this Sisters Grimm series, I love the premise and setting of this story, but the actual writing leaves a lot to be desired. Finding out that Buckley’s writing career started in TV makes so much sense, because his book writing is so bland and uninspired. The characters are fun and have decently enjoyable dialogue, but the descriptions lack any real finesse or artistry. Things just happen one after another like a TV writer marking out a beatsheet, and the comedic bits are the kind of wacky hijinks you’d find in the platonic ideal of a 2000’s Saturday morning cartoon. At least Sabrina had a semblance of an interesting arc, I guess…? In that she has to grapple with racism LMAO? And I guess Prince Charming’s gesture and her realization that her anger/racism was literally powering up the bad guy was a decent resolution, but I do hope the narrative stresses the importance of seeing “the other” as people in future instalments (and maybe throw in a human culprit for one of the mysteries). Also, I remembered the Puck/Sabrina romance as being more of a slowburn, but here they basically fall in love with each other on the flimsiest of basis and are doing the whole bickering/flirting thing right away…I think kid me was really excited at each crumb of ship content, but adult me wishes their romance had a subtler hand.

Wednesday

Went outside and had a life event, heh

Thursday

Read a lot today, mostly just bits and pieces of various books in my search of a good one, but the only one I started in earnest was Between Two Fires by Christopher Buehlman. The hook was immediately gripping – a horror story set during the Black Plague – and I’m happy to find that the writing is evocative enough to match. The prose sets me in the time period and atmosphere immediately, and there are so many striking visuals that have stuck in my mind thus far. Unfortunately, in an inverse of Buckley, the dialogue writing is so bad it nears comical at points. Some of the passages literally read like bad sitcom banter, and it completely takes me out of the moment with its anachronistic tone. The only saving grace is that the conversations are usually short, I suppose.

Friday

DunMesh with leftover stir-fried lamb from a restaurant I went to on Wednesday. Episode good! Food good! Fun to see the Canaries make their anime debut at last.

I got fully invested and finished Part I of Between Two Fires. The dialogue still grates on me at times, but the wonderful prose keeps me going, as does the dreaminess of the plot – it really feels like an early canon work in how it moves between different locations and their self-contained stories, and while I saw some people say that they didn’t like the episodic nature, I think it really fits the tone. I was pleasantly surprised to see the priest join the party, I was really expecting the story to just revolve around Thomas and the girl, but the priest’s presence is welcome for how it adds another dimension to the group dynamic beyond the girl annoying Thomas with her innocent and inscrutable actions. I also didn’t expect so much gayness? I can’t tell if it’s just being used as a way to cast the priest as a sinful man (like with his drinking), but I’m going to enjoy the fujo crumbs regardless. Thomas’ fight against the river creature and the men’s stint in the illusory castle felt truly hellish, and you really get the sense that their world is pulling apart at the seams.

Saturday

I started reading She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan today because I like to have a few books going at once, and I’m becoming cautiously optimistic that some actually good adult fiction books exist in the world. After some deliberation, I think I’ve come to the realization that what I really want in a book is for things to happen. As in, I’m sick and fucking tired of the 340523rd treatise on the fucking “human condition” – I’ve been through enough human condition and I don’t need to read 400 pages of melodramatic waffling as characters talk and talk and talk but actually do very little of consequence. But if I want to find a book where an actual journey occurs, my best chances are in the fantasy or sci-fi genres…which I also kind of hate reading lol. I hate being bombarded with impenetrable names and countries and factions before I even get the chance to care about them, so I usually avoid high fantasy/high sci-fi like the plague. But She Who Became the Sun is set in historical China, which I’m already familiar with and interested in, and the fantasy elements have been fairly light so far, so I’ve been greatly enjoying it. I especially like Parker-Chan’s prose, and how they build Zhu’s inner turmoil in Part One and her struggle between identity vs body and the central thesis of greatness vs nothingness. But once again, I’m floored by just how good the writing is when compared to some of the other books I’ve tried reading this week. I used to think that maybe adult fiction as a whole just wasn’t for me, but now I’m regaining hope that there are good books out there, I just have to find them…it’s a process, to be sure, when literally no other critics or BookTubers I can find share my tastes, but I’ll keep trying…

[the-bau-quinjet]

heyyy. I know you’ve been doing marvel a lot, but if you could do one with morgan and the reader? Based on amplification and it’s the reader who gets sick instead. thanks!

Finally

Warnings: some mentions of being sick (cause... you know... anthrax), angst and fluff :)

Word Count: 2735

a/n: My first Morgan fic!! I love him so much! This one took me a while because 1) I feel like I'm not that good at rewriting episodes, and 2) I wanted to get Derek's character right. Hopefully it's not too terrible! I hope you enjoy!! :)

Masterlist

"Rossi, Prentiss head to his office. Morgan, get Reid and L/N from the hospital and check out his house." Hotch instructed as soon as Dr. Nichols was deemed a reasonable suspect.

It wasn't long before you, Reid, and Morgan were pulling up outside of Dr. Nichols house.

"It's clear so far. I'll let you know when we're done checking." One of the CDC techs said through a walkie.

"We should look around a bit." Reid started down the driveway, gesturing for you and Morgan to follow.

"Ow!" You flinched away from the rose bush, shaking your hand in an attempt to lessen the pain.

"You good?" Morgan eyed you, overly concerned about a small scrape.

"I'm fine. Promise." You winked, walking past him and Reid to check for anything out of the ordinary in the backyard.

"I don't understand why you haven't asked her out yet." Reid looked between you and Morgan. Unfortunately, Morgan was saved from answering by the sound of his phone ringing.

"Hey, princess what do you have?" Morgan greeted Garcia, glaring at Reid.

You continued to explore while Derek and Reid talked to Garcia. It wasn't until after you entered the shed-like building that you thought maybe the CDC should check for anthrax out here too.

By then it was too late.

"L/N?" You could hear Morgan calling you. "Y/N!" It was clear him and Reid were approaching the door you just walked through.

You ran back to the sliding glass door, slamming it shut and locking it before either of them could stop you.

"What's wrong?" He frantically ran up to the door.

"Get back! No, don't come any closer." Your eyes flitted between the two agents, landing solely on Derek when you muttered, "I'm sorry."

"Y/N, open the door..." Derek's typically powerful voice nearly broke as he watched you shake your head.

"I can't. I- I'm already exposed." You shook your head resolutely, convincing yourself this was the right move. "I'll look for anything that could help in here. It's the best move."

"Y/N, you need to go to the hospital." Derek put more power behind his words with hopes of convincing you.

"The hospital won't do anything for me. Nichols could've made a cure, and if he did it's probably in here." You tore your eyes from Derek, hoping Spencer would help you convince him. "Reid, tell him I'm right."

He looked conflicted, eyes flitting between you and Derek.

"She's right. The cipro isn't working on anyone infected. Her best chance is to stay in there and find something useful." Reid looked reluctantly at Derek.

"Then you better find a cure in there." Derek whispered, eyes lingering on you before he finally turned away to call Hotch.

-

"Morgan, Reid. How's L/N?" Hotch questioned immediately, forgoing any greeting.

"White powder all over the room and the air was blasting." Morgan responded quickly. He made brief eye contact with Hotch before turning to walk back to the door.

The general barked out instructions for a decontamination team and cordoning off the area.

"Get her in the ambulance." Hotch directed Morgan and Reid.

"She won't." Morgan felt his heart rate increase at the thought of you staying in there any longer. "Said she's more helpful inside than in the hospital."

"Nichols is dead, looks to be about 2-3 days." Reid added on.

Just then Hotch's phone rang.

"L/N?" He answered on speaker.

"I really messed up this time." You let out a dry laugh.

"You need to get to the hospital." Hotch tried to argue.

"I know Morgan and Reid already told you I won't go. There could be answers in here." Your stubbornness was showing. "I need to figure out who killed Nichols."

"Y/N-" You cut Morgan off before he could try to convince you to leave.

"I think he had a partner." You decided to refocus the conversation on the case rather than yourself.

"I'll get Rossi and Prentiss to ask at his office." Hotch sighed in resignation.

"Good, I'll keep looking at everything in here."

You hung up before anyone could argue further. You shoved your phone into your pocket, immediately going back to look through papers and lab equipment around the room.

As you worked inside, you could hear the CDC team setting up outside.

Watching through the windows as people in full hazmat suits prepared to enter the room you were in made everything feel more real.

You pulled your phone swiftly out of your pocket dialling the number you knew by heart.

"Hi." Garcia's voice was quiet when she answered the phone.

"No funky greeting? I'm feeling a little jipped." You tried to joke with her, but it fell flat.

"I can't be my normal, bubbly self when you are where you are." Again, her voice was quiet.

"Garcia, can you do something for me?" Your voice was steady, masking the emotion about to pour out of you.

"What? Tell me what to do and I'll do it." She frantically moved around her desk, ready to do anything you requested.

"You know how a few weeks ago, you were joking about my crush on Morgan?" You asked slowly.

"The one you swore didn't exist? I remember." Her voice was laced with confusion at your topic change.

"Well, um, do you think you could record a message for him?" Your breaths were unsteady as you thought about saying goodbye.

"But you're gonna be fine." She spoke with authority, as if saying it made it true.

"I know, but, um... just in case. I want him to hear it at least once." Your voice broke.

"Okay. Um, whenever you're ready." She listened as you spoke to Derek.

"Hi Derek. Um, I kind of have a secret to tell you, but first I want you to know this isn't your fault. I'm the idiot who walked into the lab. It's on me. I guess I just want to make sure you hear this from me at least once." You cleared your throat, thick from emotion.

"I, uh, I think I'm maybe, just a little bit, um... in love with you." You felt the tears fall from your cheeks. "You're my best friend. You've always been there for me when cases hit a little too close to home or even if I'm just having a bad day. You never fail to make me smile, no matter how hard I'm trying not to."

You wiped at your cheeks roughly, trying to focus on the message.

"I've wanted to tell you for a while, but I never knew how. I guess I'm glad I walked in here for one reason. It finally pushed me to tell you how I feel."

You chuckled again, but there was no humor in it.

"I'm, ah, I'm really sorry if this is goodbye." You paused, unsure if you had anything left to say.

"Y/N?" Garcia questioned if you were still on the line.

"Prep the victim for transfer." You could hear Dr. Kimura entering the room, preparing to begin treating you.

"I've got to go." You hung up without another word, trying to rid your face of any evidence of the tears before facing the doctor.

"How are you feeling?" She questioned once you were in view.

"I'm actually feeling okay." You nodded, trying to convince yourself it was true. She eyed you like she didn't believe you, but nodded with you anyway.

"Alright, how can I help?"

You spent the next few minutes explaining Dr. Nichols profile. Dr. Kimura set off to look for the cure while you continued trying to figure out who killed Nichols.

-

"L/N, stick with me." Morgan's voice sounded through your phone, drawing your attention away from the stack of papers in your hand. "Prentiss and Rossi don't think the partner is from work."

"Okay, um..." You went back to the bigger desk. "He's got course syllabi and outlines dating back to the 80s." You glanced around the room, eyes catching on the other desk.

"A student..." You trailed off, mind moving a mile a minute.

"Talk to me." Morgan drew your attention again.

"Derek, I think it's a student. There's two desks, different organization on both. The smaller one has what looks like a dissertation that Nichols could've been grading. He wouldn't open his lab to a scientist, but he might for educational purposes." You prattled on, more and more information fitting the theory.

"I'll get Garcia to look at science students." Morgan gestured for Hotch to call Garcia. He was about to hang up when you corrected him.

"Wait! The paper, it's more about social policies surrounding an anthrax attack, not the actual science of it." You spoke quickly, trying to hold in an impending cough.

"Okay, political science and social studies majors then." Morgan trailed off, waiting for your response.

"Good. That's good." You coughed slightly, listening to the sound of his breathing.

"Garcia's got a match." Hotch nodded to Morgan before heading toward the SUVs.

"Y/N, you got everything you could in there. Now get the hell out." He practically begged.

"Sure thing, Derek. Bye." You hung up right as Dr. Kimura walked back toward you.

"His inhaler! It could have the cure, right?" She looked to you for approval.

-

"They're checking out Brown's house." Derek watched as they hosed you down.

"Go help them." You coughed slightly, wincing at the cool water.

"They've got plenty of help. I'm staying with you." His eyes never left yours.

"Please." You looked him in the eye. "They're about to strip me naked and hose me down. As much as I know that's something you want to see, I don't think I look my best right now." You joked, watching the way he averted his eyes slightly.

"Y/N, I-" You cut him off again.

"I know." You smiled softly, gesturing for him to go. "Now go help catch him." You kept your eyes on him until he was out of sight.

Turning back to the conversation happening in front of you, you watched as Dr. Kimura instructed another hazmat team member to get the inhaler tested for the cure.

"It makes sense for the inhaler to have the cure." Your mind felt fuzzy as you thought it over. You moved to grab your head, something catching the attention of the doctor.

"Agent L/N, did you cut your hand?" You glanced at your hand, remembering the rose bush outside. You nodded, eyes widening ever so slightly at the now blistering cut on your hand.

"Let's move." You were quickly cleaned of any lingering traces of anthrax before she directed you into the waiting ambulance. "Are you still feeling fine?" She questioned while taking your vitals.

"I'm doing great. I flea foon. I fill fon." You muttered, eyes rolling back in your head.

"Driver, faster!" She called to the front of the ambulance as you started coughing blood.

-

"Are you eating my jello?" You cleared your throat as you eyed Derek sitting next to your bed.

"Yes I am." He stared directly into your eyes as he ate another spoonful.

"Well, is there more?" You pouted, eyes still lingering on the cup in Derek's hands. He laughed in response.

"What happened?" You slowly moved to sit up, eyes flitting around the various machines in your room.

"The cure was in the inhaler. The other patients are in recovery, and you are going to be just fine." The way he smiled when he said 'just fine' had your heart aching. He just looked so relieved.

"Brown?" You continued your line of questioning.

"We got him. It's over." Derek's soft smile remained, eyes flitting around your body as if he were making sure you were actually okay.

"Well, that's a relief." You took a deep breath. "There's actually something I want to tell you."

He raised a brow, a small smirk playing at the edges of his mouth.

"Oh, yeah? Does Garcia know anything about this?"

You felt the blood rush to your cheeks, eyes widening in horror that he had already heard the message. "Oh, um, I mean, technically yes. I didn't- I wouldn't have told her before you if I didn't think I might die!" Your voice was rising in pitch, panic surging through your body.

"Woah, babygirl, slow down." His previous smirk shifted into another look of concern, although he still let out a small chuckle. "She just told me to ask you about a message. That's all."

"Oh." Your mouth stayed in the 'o' shape for longer than necessary, your body's way of stalling what you were about to say. "You haven't heard the message?"

"Nope." He said with a pop. "Care to enlighten me?"

"Well, I guess I have to since you brought it up." You rolled your eyes, messing with him.

"Hey, now! You started it." He clearly had you beat, so you just blurted it out.

"I think I love you!" You threw your hands over your mouth, eyes wide now that you'd confessed to your best friend that you're in love with him.

"That's what the message said. I thought- I mean there was a strong possibility that I was going to die. I didn't want that to happen without me having told you how I actually feel."

Your eyes were focused on the edges of the hospital blanket where your fingers were twisting a loose thread.

"Can I hear it?" His question confused you, causing you to look at him with a furrowed brow. "The message I mean?"

You nodded slowly, texting Garcia to see if she could send it to you. The chime of a text coming in happened almost instantly. You didn't hesitate to hit play on the recording.

"Hi Derek. Um, I kind of have a secret to tell you, but first I want you to know this isn't your fault. I'm the idiot who walked into the lab. It's on me. I guess I just want to make sure you hear this from me at least once.

I, uh, I think I'm maybe, just a little bit, um... in love with you. You're my best friend. You've always been there for me when cases hit a little too close to home or even if I'm just having a bad day. You never fail to make me smile, no matter how hard I'm trying not to.

I've wanted to tell you for a while, but I never knew how. I guess I'm glad I walked in here for one reason. It finally pushed me to tell you how I feel.

I'm, ah, I'm really sorry if this is goodbye."

The message cut off abruptly at that point.

You could feel your heart pounding as if it were trying to escape your chest.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize it sounded so sad." You smiled, though your eyes were watery. "I mean, I guess it makes sense since I thought you would only hear it if I died." You continued rambling, eyes looking anywhere but at Derek.

"Y/N?" He prevented you from muttering any other embarrassing words.

"Yeah?" You winced, trying to prepare yourself for his rejection.

"I love you too."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said any-" You abruptly stopped, the words you heard finally catching up with your brain.

"You- you love me too?" You whispered, eyes finally meeting his.

"I do." His smile was wider than you've ever seen, and so, so pure.

"Oh." Your mind was having a hard time comprehending the gravity of what just happened. Luckily for you, Derek knew exactly what was going on when he leaned in to kiss you.

It took a second for your body to respond, but as soon as it did you could feel the butterflies swarming in your stomach.

Despite how new it was, everything felt right in the world when you were kissing Derek Morgan.

He only pulled back when you gently pushed him away, a wide smile on your face as you sucked in deep breaths of air. The two of you stared at each other lovingly, just enjoying the presence of one another.

The sound of a throat clearing coming from the doorway shocked you out of your trance. Reid stood leaning against the doorframe, a smirk on his face. He uttered one word, perfectly encapsulating your own feelings on the situation.

"Finally."

permanent taglist:

@averyhotchner @jesuswasnotawhiteman @madewithsebstan @sebastnstn

Criminal Minds tag list:

@mac99martin @goldeng1rl8 @measure-in-pain

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E131 (March 30, 2021)

Tonight’s guests are Liam O’Brien and Sam Riegel!

Brian points out that a lot of Caleb’s greatest fears have come to pass. Liam: “It’s funny, because he’d kind of believed for a while that those things weren’t going to happen. After a while, he got complacent.” He notes that it was extra wild because everything with Trent popped up again in the midst of that complacency. And how did it feel to be defiant toward Trent? “I think Trent successfully made Caleb question if Caleb really was in control“ at the dinner party. “I feel like anything that I do is part of his plans for me, or is that just gaslighting? I’m legitimately scared of that dude.” Sam: “Of Matt?” Liam: “Sure.” He highlights the disconnect between knowing that the M9 is mechanically powerful and could possibly defeat Trent in a dice-and-stats battle, versus fearing him in a story sense and being convinced he can do almost anything.

Sam, on Luc’s death: “That was brutal, man. Matt Mercer is a-- he hates children! Clearly. He actively sought to kill a child in the campaign in as brutal a way as possible. He hates children and wants them dead. Canon. No, but to RP, that was horrible.” He highlights that so much of Veth’s arc has been about trying to get back to her family. “We had to choose something and we thought we were making the right choice. It was all Veth’s fault, and it was pretty rotten. My heart was beating pretty fast, and I certainly didn’t want to have my son die live on the stream. I don’t know what Veth would have done. That’s the end, that’s over. It’s almost worse than when your own character would die. This is something that would also kill Veth.” After the episode was over: “just shaken. I also didn’t know what to do next! That felt like a turning-point moment for my character, weirdly so close to what we assume to be the end arc of this campaign. I texted Matt later that night and was like, that’s it, Veth’s out, I’m tapping out.”

There’s an interlude in which Sam discovers a new dream to record an episode of this show from his Peloton. Dani informs him that she will not be inviting him back.

On Astrid, Liam: “I literally don’t know what she’s doing. I know that she’s dangerous, she always was ambitious, and there’s not been a moment where Caleb let his guard down with her. He’s not trying to reestablish what they had. He cares for the both of them, for Astrid and Eodwulf. He thinks about it a lot, still. He can’t tell how much she buys into everything that she experienced and is now living as a full-grown adult. He suspects that she’s bought in and is not going to change things, because she believes in the system, as much as he’d like to peel her away. He does believe that they want what’s best for the Empire, and stopping whatever wants to come vomiting out of a hole in the frozen north is good for everyone. And they’re powerful. They’re not trustworthy, obviously. But there’s enough at stake to make it worth it. He could imagine a situation where they fight each other to the death.” He was convinced Astrid was going to stop them when they left the tower and was really shocked when she held back. Sam: “Not me! I’ve trusted Astrid since day one. She’s the greatest! I sent a letter to her, she’s very nice, I think you guys would be a nice couple. I believe every word she says.”

On having to decide on Veth deciding to go off and save the world after Luc’s death. “Like I said, I was ready to be done. And then I decided somewhere in there that that’s not very D&D. So I thought I’d leave it up to somebody else, so I asked Caduceus to decide for me, essentially. She knows she’s putting her other family in danger if she doesn’t go. It’s an impossible choice, you know?” Liam: “I love watching you grapple with it, because you’re a lovely father and love your kids.”

On the Sanatorium, Sam: “That was brutal, man. Matt lulls you into a sense of complacency. We’d forgotten that Caleb was a stone-cold killer! It had been a while since he went on a murder spree. Still got it!” Liam: “I never meant for this character to be perfect sunshine.” Brian: “You don’t say.” Liam: “He’s very not-perfect, and I think in his brain, he was going in with the impression that they needed to get in and get out as soon as possible. The place is crawling with people with magic ability, and I didn’t have faith that we wouldn’t be sussed out or something wasn’t going to blow an illusion.” Everything was about getting out of there as fast as possible.

Did the conversation with Yeza help with Veth’s decision? “First of all, every conversation with Yeza is a beautiful one. Every time she talks to Yeza, it makes her feel good. In some ways, she’s gotten to the point now where she knows Yeza’s going to be supportive, she knows he’s going to allow her to do what she wants, but maybe that’s too much. Maybe she needs to not listen to him, basically, and be like, no, you need to be selfish now, dude, you need to say ‘come home, I’m sick of you leaving’. At a certain point, being supportive can turn into being enabling.”

Cosplay of the Week: Jester in the snow! (liljerbear47, photography by kairiceleste on Instagram)

On Trent’s motivations for chasing Caleb: “I really don’t know. The simplest explanation is to just hammer down the nail that’s sticking up. It has crossed his mind that all high-level wizards are in danger of their own ambition and egos, so it’s occurred to him that Trent might have the same kind of ideas that Halas had in the past, and maybe Caleb was always meant to be another body to jump into. Maybe in some sick, disgusting, twisted way, he wants him to be his successor. I am thinking of the next campaign, without getting too deep in, trying to do something that is much more ride-along. Caleb is very, very specific, and I thought long and hard about all the different pieces on the chessboard for him. For campaign three, I’m looking forward to seeing what happens.”

Dani: “Do I need to be keeping lore on your fucking ads?”

On the cursed dagger: “It was a tricky one, because in campaign one, one of the characters was under the influence of a cursed weapon, but it interacted with him and he knew what it was and what it did. And it affected his gameplay as a character. For me, Veth didn’t know what it was, ever. I as a player knew what it was doing, but Veth didn’t know at all. So it was kind of like my dirty, dark secret for many months. I knew this thing was coming perilously close to killing me, but my character didn’t know enough to bring it up to her friends. Nobody ever asked! So I was like, well, I guess this thing’s just going to kill me one day, and it’s kind of going to be a surprise.” Liam: “Sam, you love danger and self-destruction so much, you might as well be Mollymauk.”

On the fight in Yasha’s sequence, Sam: “You gotta put a character in your storm giant creature. It was so fun! It was so great of Matt to involve us in this encounter. It would’ve been fun just to watch, because Matt would have made it amazing and Ashley was sweating bullets, which is always fun to watch.” Sam notes he felt guilty, but Liam was going for the kill. Liam: “Matt’s gotta be careful about giving me that kind of story beat. I do not fucking care, I just fucking flip, I’m like, well, I’m going to destroy you, and I have no qualms about it. It’s too much fun!”

The Beau/Yasha tower date was in part inspired by not being able to give gifts as easily this last year. “This thing that we do together is a gift, but I love finding these moments, like the book for Jester and the tower for Yasha and for Beau. I really just wanted to give both of them a little magic for a night. I wanted them to leave this-- we’re trying to be as entertaining as possible, but shit is having an effect on all of us too, and I wanted them to have an escape, a great place to escape to.”

Fan Art of the Week: an amazing group shot, plus Marion, Yeza, and Luc! (vocaz on Twitter)

On choosing Essek over Trent, Liam: “It would have been so interesting and awful and great! Essek and Astrid and Eodwulf are everything that Bren used to be attracted to that are terrible for him. Essek, hopefully he can with time find a way out of the hole that he dug himself into, but it was only two months ago where he was found out and his ambitions came crashing down around him. Long-term, I have high hopes for him, but I think it’s going to be hard.” In contrast, Astrid and Eodwulf are still “deep in the shit. It would have been really hard to navigate, but fun to play at the table. We made the right choice with what we went with. Essek’s just getting started, and Caleb doesn’t trust him entirely, because he was burned so hard not too long ago. He’s still more trustworthy than the other three. So it’s the better choice. While Caleb has all these ties on the other side, they’re really fucking dangerous. So if you have to choose, you choose Essek. But fuck that die.” Sam: “Veth, much like Sam Riegel, makes instant decisions about whether to trust someone or not and sticks to it forever. Astrid, 100% trust. Eodwulf, 100% distrust. Essek, completely distrust. I still don’t think he’s a good guy. Ikithon? Trust. 100%. Because you know where he’s coming forward, you know what he wants. I still want him dead, but I trust him.”

On Veth’s post-adventuring plans: “Veth is probably still too in it right now to think about what comes next. I, Sam Riegel, have a good idea of what I want Veth to do post-campaign.” Brian: “Maybe you shouldn’t tell us. Save it for the show!” Sam: “All she knows is she can’t do this anymore. It’s very unhealthy to be battle-wounded every other day. It’s fun for a while, but college has to end at some point, and she’s gotta go home.”

On Frumpkin changing appearance and returning to the Feywild: “I don’t know what I’m going to do, but the way it feels now for Caleb is that he feels too enmeshed in everything that has happened, and too much good has happened, and too much needs to happened, that that really narcissistic, selfish goal has the risk of harming everything else, which is more important. And that’s how he looks at it now. So he’s gearing towards letting everything from the beginning of the campaign, and where he started, go, and trying to figure out what use he’s going to be now and what he’s going to do if they’re not all dead. If Matt throws that shit down, I don’t know what I will do, I think about it a lot. But turning Frumpkin white and saying you’re free either way is him preparing to let go of everything he’s been holding on to for a really long time. He’s addicted to that idea that he can fix himself, and we’ll see if that hard choice gets presented, what he might do. But where he stands now, he doesn’t think that’s going to be reality, and he sees a way that he can be of use that he never really anticipated before, so he’s slowly shifting gears towards living with the pain he was trying to remove.”

On the last request scene and confidence heading into Aeor, Sam: “I feel like that’s a good request. I think all of us realized that if we die, that probably bodes badly for the world. I feel like all of us are at a point now as characters and as friends, that the first order of business would be to take care of everybody else’s shit, although we probably have different ideas of how to do that.” Liam: “I want the Empire to be healed, Caleb has all these memories of his parents and what they wanted for the world, and he wants that too. It’s clearly not in place now, the system needs to be broken and replaced. That could be a part of Caleb’s sunset. I don’t want Caleb to die, so maybe he can work on that after. As everything starts to shake out and we start heading towards our destiny, Caleb’s just free-floating. He’s not even going after the same thing he started for. So he’s looking at Veth’s family, and Luc specifically, and seeing that’s me, that’s a little boy in the Empire.”

[harrowharkwife]

anyone else getting such a sixth-sense, hair-on-the-back-of-your-neck feeling from these past episodes, that just seems to get louder with each passing week?

it's like the writers *know* they're playing chicken with us at this point- it's not a fourth wall break, but something close to it. a quiet tapping on the glass, a "hey, pay attention, viewers, i'm talking to you," telegraphing a very quiet, but very clear message: hang on. hang in there. you're not crazy, there is something here, it's coming, we're going to do it. but we're going to do it right. and that takes time.

-

taylor moved out eddie joined the show, what, four months seasons ago, buck? you could have replaced the couch gotten them together by now.

-

you the audience can't keep playing these guessing games, maddie writers. if you can't figure out what he wants, maybe you should tell him us what you want what's gonna happen. (‼️‼️‼️)

-

the rules are very simple. one hand must be touching a car at all times. it's a game of endurance, patience. no exceptions. last one standing watching drives home in this beauty gets the prize they've been waiting for. let the games begin!

-

our lunch date was 2 o clock, wasn't it? yep. i figured you forgot, but after you canceled the last few times, decided that I would force the issue.

-

i don't know. maybe i just don't have the patience for these movies ships anymore, you know? two people meet, you know that they're gonna end up together. and then you have to watch 'em bumble their way through stupid misunderstandings for two hours seasons. i don't know. it's kind of annoying. so you'd rather your rom-coms have less "com?" i don't know. i guess i would rather see two people overcome real problems and... still get their happy ending. that would be more satisfying. yeah, it would be. (‼️‼️‼️)

-

i don't understand. isn't this what you've been wanting? what the two of you been working towards? it is, it just feels like i'm waiting for... something. you didn't skip the morning after conversation, chim. you just delayed it. and you added a whole new complicated layer. (‼️‼️‼️)

-

we were playing hide-and-seek and he just disappeared. what, do you think maybe he's still hiding? i don't know. it's been a really long time. and i've looked everywhere.

-

we're past apologies. this is a promise. i'm not going anywhere. i'm done running.

-

but when you are, you'll know. and then you'll be ready.

-

hey, karen. it looks like i'll be home a little bit late.

-

it was significant, and we want to give the brain story time to heal develop on its own. how long will he be sedated? at least 24 hours. run more tests, then see where we are tomorrow. i have no doubt, but we don't know how he the general audience will or will not respond to the treatment this storyline. we have to be prepared. (‼️‼️‼️)

-

you knew. didn't you? i suspected. i didn't know for sure until she called 911.

-

today you learned how the element of surprise can refocus a caller's viewer's attention. [a song] was playing on his radio, and by hearing me sing it... it got him to pay attention. (‼️‼️‼️)

-

never enough time. until one day work stops, and everything finally comes into focus. you're not sure what you're looking at. what was the point of... any of it?

-

that's 'cause you were searching for something. what are you looking for now? that's what i'm gonna find out.

-

you guys are really doing it all, huh? marriage, house, and... and kids real, actual, canon buddie? kind of. we've sort of hit a snag on that last part ... nothing seems to get the job done. (‼️‼️‼️)

-

he the writers room has been lying right to my face. in his defense, science club sperm donor plot does sound kind of boring. joining was his idea. probably knew it would make a great cover. smart kid. (‼️‼️‼️)

-

half the thrill sometimes is doing something and thinking you're getting away with it. (‼️���️‼️)

-

buck! where the hell you this storyline going? pull over! now!

-

you woke up behind the wheel with someone poking at you for gay rep, you panicked, hit the gas, and here we are.

-

i had to fight every instinct within me not to shove him their relationship in the car and make a beeline to the airport send it out into the world.

-

maybe you're the writers are overcorrecting because... because i didn't protect you the story enough. you had to grow up a lot faster than you should have. but that doesn't mean you can keep christopher a kid this story under wraps forever. you can't stop the biological clock from ticking. there a snooze button i can hit? you know, children viewers, they don't just pick up on the things we say and do. they also pick up on the things we don't. (‼️‼️‼️)

-

look, i just wanted to come by and apologize for the other night. we pretty much blindsided you, and i really feel terrible about that. that wasn't the right way to ask show you.

-

doing nothing is giving me more anxiety than trying to do everything.

-

when you're trying and you want it, and it's just not happening, it's devastating.

-

how badly do you want to be a really good doctor to make canon buddie happen? enough that i will put myself and my family through another 12 months of hell if i have to repeat this year. but i'm really hoping i don't have to.

-

i've been giving this a lot of thought. uh, thinking about, you know, wh-where i am in my life where we are in this story and what i want, and... and how this would fit in with that. uh, and honestly, i... haven't figured any of that out. i have no idea what i want. but it is clear to me... that you the audience know what you want. and one thing i do know is-is that i want to help you have that. are you... are you saying what i think you're saying? i'm saying yes. (‼️‼️‼️)

-

no, it wouldn't be enough. we need something stronger. well, you know what? this is a DIY family, so let's DIY it. (‼️‼️‼️)

-

all right, you've got 20 minutes to convince me this was a good idea.

-

han, what did you do? what needed to be done. set me buddie up on a date without even talking to me the audience about it? well, when you put it like that... that's psychopathic. listen. hen, you need to move on from eva move this plot along. you weren't gonna do anything yourself, so i just gave you a little... nudge.

-

turning in those papers the script... makes it real. well, the longer you put this off, the more you're gonna torture yourself. go talk to bobby. then we can move on to the next chapter. (‼️‼️‼️)

-

our drivers writers must be testing out programming for our vehicles. they're the ones who figure out the right sequence of maneuvers to get the robot the show, the characters, the audience to do what we want it to. (‼️‼️‼️)

-

the robot will be able to take water and soil samples audience reactions. then run tests to detect the presence of the elements needed to support life.

-

i've been working on this project for five years now. i'm telling you we cannot do that. all i'm saying is this is our future, and we're gonna get left behind if we don't do something big. (‼️‼️‼️)

-

alvin: well, maybe we should change the purpose of our mission. karen: guys, guys, we gotta lower our voices.

-

life as you know it is about to change.

-

when do you send it into space the world? not for a few more years episodes. we have to make sure every little thing about it is in perfect shape, and then we have to figure out the best way for it to complete its mission. (‼️‼️‼️)

-

you are not a firefighter anymore a writer and you're too close to the situation. i love you. now let us do our jobs. bring her buddie back to me, cap writers. guaranteed.

-

hey. i'm sorry i was late. the traffic was, you know, traffic. i was starting to think i really did get stood up this time.

-

she was afraid you might do something fool-headed and try to force your way inside that building half-ass that storyline. bobby wouldn't let me. how long have they been inside? 20 minutes. feels like forever. it'll be soon.

-

the room is a bomb and the door is the fuse.

-

when i felt like i'd lost you forever. and it scared me. to think of you being gone. never having a chance to fix things or try again.

-

i thought i'd lost you. nope. still here.

-

waiting is mind-numbing.

-

i thought it would never arrive. came a long way.

-

maybe the good luck charm's already working its magic. maybe!

-

you teased an unboxing canon buddie the other day. oh, no, no, no. i look horrible we're not ready yet. besides, i can't wait. we'll, um... we'll re-pack it get less obvious about it for now and do it tomorrow in full glam in a big poetic dramatic storyline.

-

we're gonna have to cut it apart, piece by piece.

-

so, you're really doing it? i'm really doing it. and-and i figure, if i am, i... i should do it right. you know, set them buddie up with the best chance for success. (‼️‼️‼️)

-

listen, it's a run of bad luck, but it turns around tomorrow.

-

(said in a manner clearly criticizing the 'grifters') the best grifters queerbaiters know how to play on people's the audience's desperation.

-

can we please do something about this before something else happens?

-

i know we asked a really big favor canon buddie of you. probably too big. and it's-it's okay if you're having doubts. no, guys... you understand, if you changed your mind, we understand. we just can't really handle the not knowing what's going on because, you know, we keep imagining the worst. and after everything we've already been through as gay fans, honestly, it really means a lot... guys, hey, hey, stop. listen to me. i haven't changed my mind. okay? i w-i want to do this for you. i promise. (‼️‼️‼️)

-

how long have you known? more importantly, how long you been holding out on us? oh, looks like we're here.

-

on the site, there's a little box, "terms and conditions." she checked "i accept." she should have known this would happen. y'all signed up for this!

-

you'd think that he'd the writers'd welcome the publicity. well, with publicity comes scrutiny from people like me straight audience.

-

at this point, he's all in. time for one last desperate attempt. (‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️)

-

do you need a minute? no, i don't-i don't need a minute, i just, uh... sorry, i just, i-i would really rather do this now, like, with, like... right now.

-

i mean, the longer we stayed away from the water from making them happen, the more the fear would grow.

which brings us to:

so, what'd she have to say about my future?

🤡

[itstimetotheorize]

Shadowmoths victory, Marinette and Adriens breaking point, the miraculous teams desperate efforts (warning, spoilers for season 4 finale)

Ever since the series began, Marinette had always been considered to be one person who would be the most difficult for hawkmoth to manipulate. And while Marinette has had some close calls such as in  “Zombizou”, “Chameleon” and “Ladybug”, Marinette had always  succeeded in avoiding being akumatized, be it through sheer will power alone or just plain luck such as when Nathalie lost her grip on all the akumatized civilians, including Marinette!. 

However, ever since  the episode “chat blanc” had revealed to us just what it would take to akumatize chat noir , many of us had  since begun to wonder what it would take to finally akumatize Marinette?

Marinettes akumatization had always been foreshadowed in previous seasons, especially season 3. Out of all the foreshadowing the show could have ever provided for a number of things, it was almost as if the show was always hinting towards some extreme event should Marinette ever fall prey to hawkmoths manipulation. An event so shocking it would even rival the time chat blanc had destroyed all of Paris. As to what this event would be and how it would come to fruition, well…that all depended on what would happen to hawkmoth and ladybug.

In terms of  hawkmoth, well, hawkmoth had always stated how despite his ongoing defeat, he knew  ladybugs winning streak could not last forever, sooner or later her luck would run out and when it did, she would make a mistake that would finally guaranty his victory. The only question was...how exactly was ladybug(aka Marinette) going to screw up? what would have happened to her that would cause her to lose the cautiousness which has helped her overcome every obstacle thrown her way?. When it comes to Marinette and her battles against hawkmoth, Marinette had always thought things through, she had always remained cautious, calm, collected and above all...she learned not to let her emotions get the better of her so long as hawkmoth was watching and waiting....then again... If Marinette were truly ever to be akumatized, something needed to happen within the show which would lead her to throw all logic she had out the window....but what?...perhaps Zag studios had already provided us with an answer.

Early in July 2021, Zag studios had revealed something NO ONE believed they would have ever considered making public at such an early stage within the release of season 4, what was it exactly? well....it was the title and synopsis for the season 4 finale! 

According to this news, the season 4 finale had been revealed to be titled, “Shadow moths last attack”!....this... was a big deal! because ever since “Timetagger” revealed to us that Gabriel Agreste would Not be the hawk moth of the future, many wondered when exactly  Gabriels time as the villain of the series would come to an end. Well, after years of waiting, it would appear as though shadow moths time WILL come to an end... in season 4!.

But aside from revealing shadowmoths possible last season, Zag had also coincidentally revealed in an interview one very important, but not all to surprising plot point of the series. Before his inevitable demise... shadowmoth will first obtain what he had worked so hard to take...ladybug and chat noirs miraculous! 

However, despite hawkmoths inevitable victory before his final defeat, its clear something of great importance needed to happen to Marinette in order to guarantee hawkmoth obtaining the miraculous of creation….but what? What needed to happen?

Looking back at all the times shadowmoth had attempted to steal ladybug and chat noirs miraculous, shadow moth had only ever akumatized every person he could get his hands on in order to obtain the help he needed to accomplish his goal.... and yet time and time again, every person he had come across would fail him, but why?...well, maybe it was always because they were never the right person for the job... maybe what hawkmoth always needed was someone who would be considered his greatest “masterpiece”...and as we have seen throughout the series, that someone...was always Marinette!

but even if hawkmoth realizes he must obtain someone like Marinette in order to accomplish his goal, how would he even go about finally akumatizing her?... well...isn't it obvious...shadowmoth never needed to wait for her to fall into emotional destress, because all he needed to do was use the one person who he knew could push anyone to far... or quite simply, cause a situation which would purposely  force large groups of people to be akumatized at the same time. Who is this person exactly? well... we all know the answer to that....its Lila Ross of course!!

Despite Lilas lack of participation within season 4, many understood she couldn't stay quiet forever, after all, Lila had always been presented as someone who was more than willing to take part in some sort of major evil event within the series, such as the season 1 finale, the season 2 finale and even the season 3 finale!!. And based on zag studios reveal of the season 4 finale description, it would appear as though Lila will once again have her part to play. Looking at the season 4 synopsis, its said:

“Having understood that her cautiousness is the reason why Ladybug is always triumphing, Shadow Moth prepares a diabolic plan which consists of creating a supervillain able to make his victims take all sorts of risks. When Marinette finds out that Adrien is leaving Paris for a few weeks with Lila, the new figure of the Agreste brand, she’s ready to do anything to prevent him from doing so; but to what point? Would she reveal her secret identity for the sake of love? And would Adrien take the risk of finally confronting his father?”

Now, despite Marinette having been displayed as someone who was willing to take risks for the wrong reasons in the past, Marinette has also been shown to improve in taking risks for the right reasons over the span of the series (such as entrusting Alya with her secret identity). However!...keep in mind we don't yet know for sure if Marinette will be the one akumatized within the season 4 finale until the studio reveals the official season 4 finale trailer. But if Marinette is truly planned to be akumatized, then its possible the studio may have already revealed to us what we had suspected all along. Just as in “ladybug”, Lila will once again be used by hawkmoth in order to attempt to akumatize the “bad influence” she claims to be following Adrien, the bad influence being of course, Marinette herself! However, considering Lilas agreement with Adrien to not hurt the people he cares about (after pulling a stunt on Marinette which caused her to get expelled) its clear Gabriel will have to devise a scheme which will place Lila in a situation where she will finally force Marinette to reach her breaking point and make her take every risk she can as she watches Lila being given the chance  to leave on a trip with Adrien! 

And considering the great lengths Marinette went through just to warn Adrien of Lila back in “Oni- chan”, who knows what kind of lengths Marinette will go through to stop Lila and Adrien from leaving together. Should this occur, its possible Marinette will begin to lose her sense of self and toss all logic she has out the window as she uses everything and I mean EVERYTHING she has at her disposal to accomplish her goal...this includes her powers as ladybug! 

It wouldn't be the first time Marinette had used her powers for selfish reasons. After all, the only reason the events of “chat blanc” occurred in the first place, was because Marinette decided to use her powers to enter Adriens room in order to leave her signed gift. This single act alone was what ultimately lead Adrien to discover that ladybug is Marinette. So then...  if Marinette were to once again use her powers for the sake of love, would her actions once again result in the one mistake she always knew would lead to disaster? would her misguided attempts.... reveal her identity to shadowmoth himself?!...maybe

If Marinettes desperate attempts really result in her identity being revealed to shadowmoth then would her frustration over Lila, piled on top of everything else she is dealing with as ladybug and guardian, finally seal her fate of being akumatized?!...perhaps....but even if Marinette were to finally be akumatized and even if hawkmoth were to finally obtain his chance to take the miraculous of creation, how would he then obtain the miraculous of destruction from Adrien?...well...lets just say Gabriel might have already had his suspicions from the very beginning, after all, aside from Marinettes akumatization being for shadowed within every season thus far, the only other major for shadowing which followed parallel to Marinette was Gabriels growing suspicion towards Adrien and the ring he had on his finger! However, even if Gabriel continues to grow suspicious towards Adrien, what could possibly happen between the two off them that will finally reveal to Gabriel his sons secrets?...unless...what if Gabriel reveals his secrets to Adrien first?...

Gabriel had always stated how much he wished he could have told Adrien about his mothers true condition and whereabouts. That despite all the cruel things he had done up to now, it was all for the sake of bringing his mother back. When Adrien had discovered hawkmoths identity and the true reason behind his actions back in “chat blanc”, we see how despite chat noirs loyalty to ladybug and despite him wanting to carry out his responsibility as a hero by stopping hawkmoth, Adrien still struggled with  the thought of being given the chance to be reunited with his own mother, even at the cost of ladybug and his miraculous! 

The frustration of his fathers true identity, the realization about his mother having never disappeared and hawkmoths words swaying him with the idea that he could have his mom back was what gave shadowmoth the chance he needed to finally take chat noirs mind and force him to be akumatized! However, keep in mind, all these events happened in a separate timeline which was later fixed through Bunnyx powers and ladybugs quick thinking to erase her name on her signed gift to Adrien. The events of “chat blanc” were sealed to never happen again so hawkmoth would never find out Adriens true identity as chat noir...but if hawkmoth were to truly obtain the miraculous of destruction then... wouldn't Adrien first give him the chance to take it all over again!?

Fans had always feared the return of chat blanc within the series, especially after seeing chat noirs growing frustration over ladybug throughout the span of season 4.

If Adrien were to discover all over again hawkmoths identity and his mother whereabouts near the end of season 4, would Adrien once again give shadowmoth the chance he needs to once again akumatize him?!...along with Marinette?! or would Adriens confusion and distress lead him to once again become vulnerable enough to make a mistake which would reveal to Gabriel what he had suspected all along... his own son.... has a miraculous! but not just any  miraculous, the miraculous of destruction he’s been fighting for!

However!, despite hawkmoth being fated to finally obtain both miraculous, there is still something even hawkmoth himself has yet to realize... something he never bothered to consider as he became blindsided with his thoughts of victory... his wish.... CAN be granted... but its comes with a PRICE!....Its just as Master Fu said, whoever wields the ladybug and cat miraculous will be given the chance to make a wish that can alter reality itself. However!, because the universe needs to maintain a balance when a wish is made, something of equal effect must happen in return. Despite Gabriels plan to use the miraculous to fix a past mistake and finally restore his wife to her former self, Gabriel might have never realized once his wish is granted, something bad will happen in return! as to what this disastrous result would be... well, your guess is as good as mine. If hawkmoth tried to just revive his wife then perhaps someone else might be forced to take her place. But if Gabriel were to go to the extreme and actually change a past event which lead his wife to be in the state she is in now, then this alone could prove to have major consequences. Its just as Bunnyx said, messing with time is dangerous, and if your not careful it could have dire consequences in the future.

 But regardless of what will happen, one thing is for certain, the end result of Gabriels wish.... will be catastrophic! and may quite possibly be to much for ladybug and chat noir to solve even if they do manage to get their miraculous back!

so, this does beg the question, should hawkmoth obtain the miraculous of destruction and creation after akumatizing Marinette and quite possibly even Adrien then later cause a catastrophic event upon seeing his wish be granted...what could possibly happen within the series to solve this mess?!... well, keep in mind, ladybug already planned ahead, after all, she and chat noir are no longer the only superheroes in Paris. Even if she and chat noir were to be defeated by hawkmoth, there is still one person hiding in the shadows, ready to take action and ready to gather all the heroes of the miraculous team in order to face this challenge. Who is this miraculous person waiting to take action should the day arrive? why...its Alya of course!

Ever since Alya had been entrusted by Marinette to act as a temporary replacement to ladybug( should anything ever happen to her) many understood it would only be a matter of time before Alya had to take charge and gather the rest of the miraculous team in order to fight the two people anyone would dread facing in battle, ladybug and chat noir!. But how would Alya even begin to figure out the proper way to handle this kind of situation even with the aid of the other miraculous heroes?, Alya only ever understood ladybugs side of things now that she knew her secret identity, but how could she possibly help chat noir when she doesn't even know who he is!....then again....she doesn't have to struggle with figuring out who chat noir is...because Luka already knows both ladybug and chat noirs identities!

We always theorized ladybug and chat noirs identities would one day be revealed to someone close to them, granted, since season 4 is still ongoing we don't yet know if Adrien will bring himself to reveal his own identity to Nino just as Marinette revealed her identity to Alya at the start of the season. But, ever since the events of “Wishmaker” revealed to Luka the identities of ladybug and chat noir, fans had wondered why Luka of all people would be set up to discover both of their identities without either of their consent?, well, after much debate, the answer may have been obvious all along... unlike the other miraculous heroes, he and one other miraculous holder carry with them a power  which will serve of great importance should Alya and the others be forced to face ladybug, chat noir and hawkmoth all at the same time. Considering the unimaginable challenge which is to be faced near the end of season 4, then its possible Luka was always one person who needed to know ladybug and chat noirs identities should he ever give the team a winning chance! 

If what we suspect is true and if  Alya and the others are meant to face their leaders in a fight, its obvious this fight alone... will be doomed to be plagued with errors and failures!, after all, this is ladybug and chat noir we are talking about, the miraculous team doesn't stand a chance against this dynamic duo to begin with, but if Alya and the other heroes ever plan to succeed then they must have someone who will proved them with a “second chance”, no matter how many things go wrong! Lukas power alone can provide the team with as many chances needed in order to change everything which could result in failure! and  with luka having already known ladybug and chat noirs identities, he will waste no time in finding a way to save their friends rather than remain in shock and confusion over the outcome which will occur in the finale. But if this were to be the teams solution in saving ladybug and chat noir, then what will they then do about the mess hawkmoth leaves once his wish is granted?

 If his wish were to truly cause a catastrophic event, would Marinettes miraculous ladybug be able to fix it even if they managed to defeat shadowmoth? we’ve seen ladybugs power repair some extraordinary things, but could it repair the effects of the two most powerful miraculous being used together? Should ladybug try to repair this incredible damage and fail, then what would she and the others do next once they’ve all failed?....unless....what if this was never their mess to help fix, because if everyone fails, then maybe it will soon be time for ladybug to call upon the one miraculous holder who had been labeled as “the miraculous of last chance”....what is this miraculous?...why...the rabbit miraculous of course!

Fans had always been anticipating the return of Bunnyx, or rather, they have always been waiting to see when young Alix would finally have her chance to use the rabbit miraculous. But considering the dangers of the rabbit miraculous, many knew it would not be used until the day it was absolutely necessary... well... if the team were to continue struggling in saving ladybug and chat noir, then perhaps Alix will soon rise up to help figure out a way to not only save ladybug and chat noir, but also help find a way to repair the incredible damage which will be caused by hawkmoths wish...but what will she do?... will she travel to the past to alter something which will fix the present?... if so, what would she even change without causing another catastrophe?... or will she travel to the future and seek the aid of someone who she knows could help her and the team solve this terrifying crises?...but even if she did, who could she possibly bring back to the present?...would it be someone she already knew and trusted just as much as her future self talked about trusting herself?....someone like...the ladybug and chat noir of the future!?...maybe...but I guess we will just have to wait and see, for now thats just a theory... a miraculous ladybug theory!

[addictedtostorytelling]

I was just rewatching some of season 7 of CSI and wondered about an inconsistency with GSR in "Living Doll."Grissom showed public affection towards Sara and that's how Natalie was able to target Sara. That display of affection to gently touch her arm - in public with so many people watching - is a bit uncharacteristic no? I of course enjoyed seeing Grissom providing physical contact to Sara that affirms his love for her.

hi, anon!

so while i do think that that kind of public touching represents a development in grissom and sara's relationship at that point, i don't think it's necessarily out of character for them. to me, it makes sense in context.

the thing is that even prior to this point, grissom and sara do on occasion touch each other affectionately at work, “secret dating” situation notwithstanding, such as in episode 06x24 "way to go" when sara puts her hand on grissom's shoulder to comfort him in his office or in episode 07x18 "empty eyes" when grissom wipes away sara's tears in the tv room after they watch the broadcast—it's just that they typically follow certain rules when they do so.

generally speaking, their rules for physical touch at work are:

the touches must be inherently nonsexual and nonromantic (i.e., no kissing, no romantic caressing, no contact—even fully clothed—in the traditional “bathing suit” areas, etc.);

the touches should, for the most part, seem incidental even if in actuality they are very purposeful;

the touches should, for the most part, be passing and not linger long;

no touching of faces (as while doing so is not inherently sexual or romantic, it is intimate beyond what their supervisor-subordinate relationship “should be”);

no touching in ways that would cause onlookers to question the “appropriateness” of their supervisor-subordinate relationship.

overall, the idea is not that they never touch each other whatsoever—because, lbr, even before they start dating, they are incapable of actually keeping their hands off of each other for any extended period of time—but rather that what touches they do engage in not be full-on incriminating; i.e., that no one would be able to look at them and say, "for sure, this touch indicates that grissom and sara are a couple and/or in love with each other and/or fucking."

it's all about plausible deniability, you know?

of course, as noted in the post linked above, the rules listed here do become somewhat more lax when they are alone together on scenes.

they also are ones that grissom and sara get increasingly worse at adhering to as time goes on, and particularly by latter half of s7.

as i talk about in this post,

by the end of s7, both grissom and sara are growing increasingly restless with the status quo, and grissom in particular is becoming less and less cautious about keeping their secret.

for example, there are a few times throughout the season when grissom rather recklessly expresses affection for sara in plain view and/or within earshot of their team members (see here and here), not being at all discreet.

he also doesn’t do a very good job of hiding the fact that he is no longer living his old “bachelor hermit lifestyle,” to the point where some of his coworkers even suspect that he maybe has a girlfriend, though of course they don’t yet know that his girlfriend is sara.

note: based on the case file for the weller car crash that we see greg holding in episode 07x24 "living doll," we know that grissom and sara work this case on 04.04.07 within the universe of the show, which means that this event takes place between episode 07x18 “empty eyes” (03.29.07) and episode 07x19 “big shots” (04.05.07 to 04.08.07), canonically speaking. particularly given that this case takes place just one week after the events of episode 07x18 "empty eyes," grissom may be feeling fairly protective of sara and may be acting in a particularly physically affectionate manner with her because he knows she's still reeling from what happened in that case.

so.

when looking at the arm touch that natalie davis observes in this situation, in some ways, it is very much in keeping with grissom and sara's rules for affectionate touching in public—in that it is not inherently sexual/romantic in nature, it does seem incidental (as grissom is ostensibly "just" lifting the camera strap up off of sara's arm so he can take the camera from her); it doesn't linger; it isn't on the face; and it could very easily be ignored by onlookers, particularly given that most of the onlookers on this scene are civilians who would be much more interested in the car wreck than in the people documenting it; etc.

in those senses, what they do is very much "allowed."

however.

admittedly, this touch does also in some ways "straddle the line," which is where that part about them getting increasingly worse at being discreet about their relationship over time comes in.

while not inherently sexual/romantic in nature, this arm touch is a bit more familiar than a touch between a supervisor and subordinate (or even just two coworkers) might typically be, and while it could seem incidental, it also might on second glance be recognizable as purposeful.

the way grissom and sara seem to justify it is that it's not done with any coworkers around to observe—just, as they suppose, ignorant bystanders.

of course, they're not counting on the hyper-vigilant serial killer who is stalking grissom being in the crowd.

since it's not like they're kissing or grabbing each other's faces to stare longingly into each other's eyes or anything as obviously romantic as that, they figure they're fine.

there's no one else from the lab around to see them, and most of the folks in the crowd are engrossed in the grisly wreckage in front of them, not on a relatively quick touch between two of the investigators working the scene.

still.

it's definitely a more indulgent touch than grissom and sara might have allowed themselves in the past. it's also indicative of some general incaution on their parts throughout s7, where they seem to forget that even folks who don't have badges can potentially recognize pda when they see it.

in the past—like during s5 and s6—i don't know that they would have gone as far as they do here unless they were entirely alone on a scene, but by this point they seem to be kind of in this mode of assuming that they are invisible to anyone who isn't a cop or a criminalist.

as discussed above, in this case, their casualness may be due to some of the recent happenings in their lives—to the fact that, post-sabbatical, grissom is feeling more and more inclined to just throw caution to the wind and follow his heart where sara is concerned; and/or that sara is still a bit shaky after the events of the david marlon/"marlon frost" case, and so grissom instinctively offers her touches of reassurance; etc.

it may also be due to how, by now, they've been together long enough that outside of the lab, they're very much in the habit of being coupley pretty much all of the time, so on a regular city street like the one they're on here, in the absence of any of their coworkers, they very naturally drop their inhibitions and forget that they have an audience (particularly as, as discussed above, that audience is pretty much entirely a civilian one*).

* of course, here is one area where if we think too hard, our suspension of disbelief breaks, as even though i don't think that we as viewers are meant to suppose that there are any other csis on scene at the weller crash than grissom and sara, the crime scene photos from that case that we see in episode 07x24 "living doll" very much suggest the presence of at least one other csi (as both grissom and sara appear in the photos together as a two-shot, meaning that said photos couldn’t have been taken by either one of them). it's one of those "pay no attention to the man behind the curtain" moments, for sure.

so.

i think that had natalie davis not been in that crowd, all of grissom and sara's assumptions about the innocuity of their touching would have been correct; probably no one would have even noticed his hand briefly on her arm, much less assumed that it meant that they were lovers even if they did notice. the fact that they were more or less adhering to their old rules would have protected them from scrutiny.

natalie davis is just on a whole other level.

not only is she at that crime scene specifically for the purpose of observing grissom, but her almost superhuman powers of perception allow her to understand grissom and sara's body language for what it is right away.

anyone else likely would not have thought much of that touch—honestly, it might be very easy to construe that interaction as grissom taking the camera and then giving sara an extra touch to acknowledge that he was in her space, reading nothing particularly romantic into it at all (and particularly if one has no prior knowledge of gsr or of grissom and sara as people)—but she's studied both human interaction in general and grissom specifically enough to pick up what is being communicated there.

anyway.

all of this is to say that while grissom touching sara's arm in public is different from how they would have comported themselves in s5/s6, i don't actually think it's an "inconsistency" as of s7, as, a) it's something we do on occasion see them do (i.e., trade touches in public as long as there's no other law enforcement officials around, even if there are civilians), and b) they have, by that point, begun to be somewhat less cautious with their pda just in general.

like.

it's part of a progression we see with them, where they slowly become less careful the longer they're together.

which is why i think that even had they not ended up "coming out" at the end of s7 because sara was kidnapped, they probably wouldn't have managed to keep their relationship a secret for too much longer anyway. those kids wanted to get married, and they both knew that they couldn't do so for as long as they had to remain on the dl, so subconsciously they almost kind of wanted to get caught, just so they could give up the ruse and follow their hearts. it was inevitable that at some point they would have finally crossed a line.

thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.

[c-is-for-circinate]

Post-ep 123 Reaction

Wow, y’all.  What a ride.

You know, I used to do these after every single CR episode.  Every single one, 2 AM, exhausted and dazed, trying to pour out smart thinky thoughts onto tumblr because I’d be so overflowing with ideas and feelings.

I haven’t so much, lately, and I think part of that is just the fact that I have not been enjoying this Aeor arc.  I’ve hated the traveling along with Lucien in a way that’s made it unpleasant to watch, instead of fun.  (For me, personally!  Many people have been enjoying the tension, and I know the players have been enjoying the tension, and that’s fine!  Yay for them!)  Some of the ancient ruins explorations, too, have gotten just a little too creepy-horror-game for sitting alone in my apartment at one in the morning.  I’ve had less to say.  I’ve wanted to say it less.

And that’s not true tonight.  I can’t remember the last time I got excited about a CR episode like I was tonight.  Oh, there’ve been bits and moments I loved all throughout, there always are, that’s why I’m still watching live even in an arc that hasn’t thrilled me, but I loved the whole episode today, all five and a half hours of it, and god that feels good.

So in celebration, some specific bullet points:

The start of the episode, the discovery of the eyes on Beau and Caleb.  The attempts at science.  The fear, and yet, also, the glimmers of...okay but what if we could use this?  (The moment in the second half, after the Tombtakers ran off, when Beau suggests going into her dreams to ask for help to find them--yes.  Yes.  I still don’t have a lot of interest in evil wizard plotlines when you doom yourself/the world/etc out of curiosity, but the willingness to dive into this terrifying thing that might change you, might break you, because you need what it can give you in order to save a thing you love (your friends, the world) more than you need to be whole or sane or even, necessarily, alive--that is my GOOD SHIT.)     

Guys, I just loved every single minute of that white dragon fight, okay?  It was such a mess.  It was such a mess!  And look, there’s a very specific kind of frenetic energy that the table gets when they find themselves in the middle of a terrifying boss battle, and there’s a different very specific kind of wild ‘this may as well happen’ energy they get when things go terribly wrong entirely due to random chance, and getting the compound of both of those things at once is always glorious.  Nobody is prepared for anything!  Everybody is freaking out!  There’s good reason to suspect that, even if someone dies a bit, everyone’s going to make it out alive, but shit’s wild in the middle there and it’s just such a joy to watch.     

Likewise, I know that final fight was really stressful for both the cast and a lot of viewers, but honestly in so many ways I watched it feeling so much less stressed than the past few weeks have made me?  Yes, it was a horrible, horrible fight, the team in so far over their heads, so low on sleep and spells and any resources at all.  But, god, thank god, at least it was finally over.  There’s no going back to fake amity with the Tombtakers after this, no more playing along and trying to plot treason while the person you’re plotting against is probably hearing every word.  Enemies can be faced!  They can be fought, or fled, or defeated, they can be destroyed or put off for another day, but at least nobody’s pretending any more while trapped in wary uncertain fear of their own houseguests.  At least now it’s done.     

The fucking Iron Shepherds parallels.  Just.  Yes. I have hated the trapped feelings of traveling alongside Lucien and his crew, but the Iron Shepherds parallels are, while stab-me-in-the-heart painful, so fucking good.  The very best moments with Lucien have been the ones that mimic Mollymauk, not even because they bring hope that Molly could come back to us someday (although that’s there, that faint shimmering thread), but because it is always the best, worst, most glorious twist of irony. Molly died trying to save his friends, saving his friends, from the violence of a monster who was so very like him in all the ways he was terrified to know.  Lorenzo and his ragtag group of multiclassed minions, full of loyalty, arrogance, unexpected powers, here to torture and enslave.  The Nein have more power now, a little more negotiated control, they are different--but so much of it is just window-dressing as they’ve been dragged along on this pell-mell journey against their will, told when to walk and when to sleep, headed towards a place they would’ve gone anyway at the behest of someone they really do not give a shit about any more.  It’s so much the same. And the thing that is beautiful, and the thing that I love, the one thing for which I do love Lucien, is just--god, the irony.  The irony!  Because it’s not just that Lucien is like Lorenzo, that Molly turns out to be like the man that killed him after all; it’s not just Lucien, all unknowing, rebuilding old grudges and replaying old scenes without even knowing them.  It’s the fact that Molly’s death is the only reason this can happen in the first place. Mollymauk Tealeaf, murdered and buried, wanting only to protect his teammates from a megalomaniacal killer--sacrificing himself on a hope and a chance that maybe, maybe, he and his friends could all survive, and they’d all be fucked anyway if he didn’t--he died to do it.  And it worked.  They were safe, for a little while, for long enough to rescue Jester and Yasha and Fjord.  Long enough to keep going, to leave part of the world better than they found it, to canonize him in his own way.  Except now here they are again, worse and deeper into the same shit than ever before, and it never could have been like this if Molly had survived.  He derailed Lorenzo long enough to save them then, and created the forward path for the Lucien they’re facing now. It’s terrible.  It’s beautiful.  And that’s some damn good storytelling.

The start of the next episode is going to be very very hard for the Nein!  In so many ways, they’re back exactly where they were episodes ago when they first started traveling with Lucien’s crew to begin with: one threshhold crest in their possession, beat to hell and almost entirely out of spells, exhausted, in desperate need of a long rest, with a probably-pursuing enemy that doesn’t seem inclined to let them have one.  It’s as untenable now as it was then.

They have so much more knowledge now (was it worth it?).  They have their own connection to the city now (will it cost them more than they’ve gained?).  Maybe they have a direction.  Probably they’ve got options.  They’ve got an angel, an owl, a wooly mammoth, and a destination.  Maybe, if they’re very fast and very lucky, maybe, if Caleb uses a teleport spell or they somehow manage to navigate through the snow in their exhaustion with all their luck, they’ll make it to Essek in time to collapse almost safely.  They’ve needed backup so badly.  They’ve needed someone, anyone, to keep them safe for just a few hours so they can plan, and think, and sleep.

And they’ve been so busy trying to play nice, giving in to their fear, trying to avoid the fight they just dove into (with half the team exhausted and half their spell slots gone!), that they haven’t let themselves go and get those things.  And now they’re out the other side of that fight.  Now they know, just a bit more, what Lucien and his team are made of.

Now they can finally, maybe, maybe, start finding ways to take back their own control instead of keeling over with the fear.  I hope.  I hope, I hope, I hope.

[lalaith217]

This is something a little different from what I usually post, but 2x13 is one of my favorite episodes and I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about this one. It's a sort of "She thinks, he thinks"-type of thing and it's pretty long, but I hope you enjoy.

Waking up

When Chloe wakes up, she feels his presence in the room before she even opens her eyes. It doesn't surprise her that he's here though, she's actually been waiting for him for a couple of hours now, wondering when he'd show up. The nurses told her that there had been "complications" and, ever the realist, she had known they had been downplaying the severity of her situation. She had seen what the professor's poison had done to the first victim and as soon as her nose had started bleeding, fear had overcome her. But now, she felt okay, still a little weak, but fine. The nap she had just woken up from had helped. And him sitting at her bedside helps too.

"Well. Look who's back. You didn't die after all. That makes one of us."

She opens her eyes and a smile plays on her lips. He's making even less sense than usual, but she doesn't really care right now. She is happy he's here, at her side, and that whatever he did to save her has worked. Does she really need to know what it was? There is time for that later, he'll probably tell her in excruciating detail anyway. And then, they'll talk about what she really wants to talk about right now. Them.

"I heard you saved me."

She puts her hand on his hands, both of them by her side as if he had been praying (which is ridiculous, she knows). She isn't sure, but, for a moment, she thinks he wants to pull back, looking down at both their hands. But he doesn't and his skin feels warm and for a brief moment, her mind flashes back to their dinner in his penthouse. She had taken his hand then, too, and he had looked at her almost the same way: a mix of surprise, disbelief and, most of all, warmth. This time however, a fourth feeling creeps in his eyes that she can't quite place. It is not a good feeling however.

"Well... much as I'd like to take all the credit, this one was a... a team effort."

She is a little surprised he doesn't want all the glory for this one, but a part of her tells her that this one hit way too close to home for him to be making jokes. She remembers his face when her nosebleed wouldn't stop and when she showed him the puncture mark that the professor's needle had left. He hadn't made any jokes then and when Lucifer stopped making comments and jokes, things were as serious as they got.

"You look heaven sent."

The last time he talked to her before things got worse, he looked more worried than she had ever seen him. He put up a front, fighting with Dan over bringing her to the hospital (which she explicitly asked him not to do), but she knew her partner. And she knew things were getting worse by the minute. When she had collapsed at that party, she had known that maybe her reluctance to go the hospital was not the best way of dealing with things. But when she saw Lucifer all worried in that hospital room, she knew things were going seriously wrong.

Still, she refused to give up and was more worried about what Trixie would think. As Lucifer always told the truth, she asked him if her being strapped to this hospital bed, tubes going in and coming out of her, would scare Trixie. He answered in his typical Lucifer fashion, making a quip, she thought, but they way he looked at her, she somehow knew he was not making a joke. Her heart skipped a beat, but the moment passed and Lucifer left. She didn't see him again, even when she was seizing, and she missed him. If things were as bad as they seemed, why wasn't he by her side? But she knew he was doing everything in his power to save her. And he had.

It had taken her a while to come to terms with her feelings for him. A few weeks, hell, even a few days ago, she had been sure that they were not going to work. They were just too different, she had thought, well, she still believes that they are very different people. But when he had sent her away and saved those college kids, she had realized that, despite that all being true, despite everything, the thought of him hurt, the thought of him not being around annoying her every day, had scared her more than she had have ever thought.

And then he had just walked down the steps as if nothing had happened, a smug smile on his handsome face, and she couldn't believe he didn't even have a scratch. But more importantly she had realized that she couldn't fight what she was feeling for him anymore. Nor did she want to. On instinct, she had hugged him tight, and, with hesitation, he had hugged her back. She suspected that Lucifer didn't have much experience with physical contact that wasn't sexual, so she didn't take his hesitation personally. How could she when the look in his eyes, full of wonder and adoration, told her everything that she needed to know in this moment. They were real, that's what she knew and damn, she wouldn't let stupid poison come between them.

"You know, this whole poisoning thing has just... really put a pause on everything that's been going on with you and I, so... should we just pick up where we left off?"

The words came out of her mouth before she could actually really think them through. She fears for a moment they might be too straightforward and he might get overwhelmed, but she is still holding his hand, his thumb drawing lazy circles on her skin and he is still looking at her with those deep brown eyes, and she just doesn't feel like holding back anymore. She has been fighting her feelings for quite some time now and she doesn't want to do it anymore.

"I think, right now, you just need to focus on feeling better, Detective."

He has let go of her hand and moves to stand up. She is surprised he is leaving right now, but she must look worse than she thought. And maybe he just needs to process. And as he said, he just wants her to get better and she can't really sleep while he's here, can she? Although... No, they have all the time in the world once she feels better. They'll figure everything out. Together.

"Would you have someone bring Trixie in?"

"Yes. Yes, of course."

He moves away from her now and she feels that so much is left unsaid. This is clearly not the time though, at least for him. But she needs to tell him, one more time, in her way, that she wants this, that she wants him. Ever since they kissed on the beach she has been struggling to tell him, in her own dorky way, how she wants this, how she wants him.

"And we'll talk. We'll talk later, yeah?"

He doesn't answer. His mouth opens, but words don't come out. She wonders why he's not really responding to her question, but maybe he just needs time to process. She still needs time to process and she is much, much better with the "touchy-feely stuff" than him. Not that that is any kind of challenge. She remembers, how he reacted the first time she told him she could be vulnerable around him. What had been intended as a way of telling him how she felt, had resulted in him acting even stranger than usual, touching her back and asking all kinds of strange questions.

She looks after him when he leaves her hospital room. She is smiling and for the first time in a while she feels better. They'll talk and figure this out, she knows they will. No more denial, no more interruptions.

**********************************

When she finally opens her eyes, his heart does a somersault. Only a few hours ago he didn't even know if she would make it and now she is looking at him with those big grey-blue eyes of hers as if nothing had happened, as if she hadn't been close to... He can't even think about it anymore. Can't think about what losing her would mean.

"Well. Look who's back. You didn't die after all. That makes one of us."

Watching her sleep, he had had time to think about what he had done. For her. Ever since he had left hell, he had been sure of one thing: he wouldn't go back to that place, not in a million years. And yet he had gone back. For her. And he would do it again. And again. But she would never know, could never know.

"I heard you saved me."

She has put her hand on both of his and, for a moment, he thinks about pulling away from her. It feels wrong for her to be touching him like this, when he knows everything she is feeling for him is a lie, a manipulation. But her hand on his feels soft and the way she looks at him now makes him feel all sorts of things. Things that he has never felt before. Things that made him go to hell for her. Literally.

"Well... much as I'd like to take all the credit, this one was a... a team effort."

Always the truth, that was what he tried to live by. Without Amenadiel, Linda, Maze and most of all his mom, he wouldn't have made it out of that place. The memory of Uriel haunts him, the way he plunged the knife into his gut, again and again. The guilt of killing his own brother kept him in his own personal hell. Only when his mom had come and reminded him of why he was down there, her, he had come to his senses.

"Chloe."

Hearing her name down there had snapped him out of his daze. The memory of her lying in that hospital bed, dying of some poison, and him being the only one who could save her, had brought him back to reality. He had to save her, his partner, his detective. There was nothing he wouldn't do to save her life.

When he had gone to her house to confront her about... nevermind... to talk to her, and saw her nose-bleed, he was terrified. They had seen what the poison had done to the student at Malibu State and the professor had just killed himself, with the recipe for the antidote in his head of course. Driving her to the next hospital was his first instinct, but when she refused to go and reminded him of how the hospital hadn't helped any of the other victims, he turned around and promised to do things her way. Sometimes she was as stubborn as she accused him of being and the annoying part was that she was usually right.

This time however, not even her refusal to give in could stop the effects of the poison on her. He was mildly surprised when she held onto his arm going down the stairs at that rich douchebag's party, usually refusing any assistance, even in high heels, but then she collapsed at the bottom of the stairs. His heart sank remembering her unresponsive in his arms, fragile, vulnerable. This could not be happening to her, not now, not ever. He could not lose her like this, not after she had kissed him like that at the beach, not after she made him feel... everything he felt.

"You know, this whole poisoning thing has just... really put a pause on everything that's been going on with you and I, so... should we just pick up where we left off?"

He hasn't even realized that his thumb has been drawing lazy circles on her skin, warm against his. Lost in thought the detective's suggestion brings him back to here and now, back to reality. A reality in which his father has put the detective into his path. A reality in which all that he has been feeling for her, all that she has been feeling for him, is a manipulation, a cruel trick his father has played on them.

"I think, right now, you just need to focus on feeling better, Detective."

He lets go of her hand and stands up, wanting to break the connection that pulls him closer to her. She didn't have a choice. She doesn't have a choice. Her feelings are not real, he reminds himself, and neither are they. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt and it doesn't mean he would rather stay here, with her, by her side, until she felt better. With her eyes always looking at her the way she does now, full of... emotions. Emotions that aren't real, but still emotions that she feels. And so does he.

"Would you have someone bring Trixie in?"

"Yes. Yes, of course."

Right, the urchin. Probably worried about her mother almost as much as he was. A visit from her will distract her. He has almost reached the door of her hospital room now. He'll be finally able to breathe again without her looking at him with those eyes. He will be able to remember that all of this is nothing but a bloody manipulation and not real.

"And we'll talk. We'll talk later, yeah?"

His heart does that stupid thing again when it skips a beat. She sounds so sincere and hopeful, he almost wants to turn around and kiss her senseless. He wants to tell her what that moment at Pasadena State meant to him, when she hugged him, just like that. When he could see in her eyes that she felt the same way as him. When he felt, for a few blissful hours, that they could make this work. That he... that they could be happy. He had felt invincible.

But he doesn't turn around and he doesn't tell her. He leaves her room without looking back. He has to leave, get out of here now, and he doesn't just mean out of this hospital room. How can he stay around her, when every time she looks at him, he feels like this. Feels the betrayal and the pain and... that other feeling he now pushes down, way down, as he walks along the hospital hallway, straight to the exit.

[twdmusicboxmystery]

TWD 11x06: On the Inside - Analysis

Okay, how did everyone like this episode? I loved it! It might be my favorite episode of the season so far. Partly because of all the horror movie vibes and jump scares. I thought that was delightful. And Lauren Ridloff did an amazing job. But more than that, it's because of all the symbolism and what I think this represents. Seriously, I think I might have like fifty-six theories come out of this one episode, LOL. Not brand-new theories, but just connecting symbols in a way I haven't before. For now, let's talk about the broad arcs here and what they mean.

***As always, spoilers abound below for 11x06. Don’t read until you’ve watched! You’ve been warned!***

Basically, we’re following two storylines in this episode. The first is Connie and Virgil. The second is Daryl, Leah, and the Reapers. I suppose you could call Kelly and Carol looking for Connie a third story line, but given that they're searching for Connie, it's really just a subplot of Connie's arc.

Connie and Virgil:

There are a lot of people saying that they might be setting Connie and Virgil up as romantic partners. I think that's probably the case, for a lot of reasons. They were very purposely put together in this house. After the episode, Angela Kang talked about how Virgil basically had to suppress part of his heart in order to get through the death of his family. That's why he seemed a little bit villainous when we first met him with Michonne.

Actually, we're seeing a major theme here that we've seen with other characters. Near the end of the episode, Virgil tells Connie, "I lost myself for a long time." It's very reminiscent of what Michonne said to Carl in 4x14. It's a theme we see where the character goes through some kind of trauma, and the aftermath of that trauma is very much a PTSD thing. They lose themselves to insanity for short time, but then someone is able to bring them back. We see this with many characters over the years. And this is something they're doing with Virgil. So this was Virgil kind of coming back to reality. Michonne gave him the chance to come back first, but he also says that her giving him that second chance led him to Connie and he sees that as Providence.

So basically, A.K. is saying that Virgil lost a big chunk of his heart when his family died, but he's rediscovering it here with Connie. And that's very important. I can't imagine them saying that, or him having this kind of arc, if there isn’t going to be a romance between them. Which, for the record, I think is cute. I totally ship it. (Totally objective over here. As always, of course. ;-))

But the big question is, what does this foreshadow? I'll give you three guesses and the first two don't count.

I think this is a foreshadow of Beth and Daryl. I'm sure you're shocked to your toenails. I'll give you a moment to recover. Good? Okay.

A lot of us got Alone vibes from this episode. Just the two of them in house together. The undercurrent of possible romance between them. There's even a hug at one point.

Actually, the white, plantation style house with the white pillars immediately struck a cord with me. Back when they were filming the missing scenes from S5, they filmed in a house just like this one. it wasn’t the “white cabin” as we always refer to the house Emily was seen going into. But it was next door to that one and had a sign up about not mowing the lawn because it would be used for filming. 

I don’t know if this is actually the same house, but I’m willing to bet that this will end up having parallels to something we see when we finally get those missing scenes.

Once they get inside the house, we see Connie holding the door shut against walkers. It's very reminiscent of Daryl doing that at the funeral home in Alone.

The thing is, I don't even think callbacks to Alone are the big cheese. (For the record, we also saw them around Kelly, but I'll get to that in a minute.)

Because more than being a call back, this is a foreshadow. It represents some time in the future when Beth and Daryl will be together inside the CRM and trying to escape. Remember that “No Exit” sign in Beth’s cell?

We have a situation here where Connie and Virgil are trying to get out and there's literally no exit. All the doors are locked, they’re being trapped everywhere they go, they get separated. Even when Connie is in the wall, looking at Virgil, she wants to warn him of things, but she has no way to get into the room with him. There's literally no exit for her.

There are so many parallels to Beth and Daryl.

They emphasize the fact that Connie is lost. After getting out of the cave and walking around for walkers for so long, she clearly lost her bearings and doesn't know where she is or which way to go to get to Alexandria. It puts me in mind of the scene from 6x10, where Carl was talking to Judith and said if she was ever LOST and needed to find her way HOME, she should use the North Star. This is another way in which Connie is being paralleled to Beth. She's lost and needs to find her way home.

Virgil talks about wanting to get Connie HOME. To get her back to her family (which just so happens to be her sister). Of course there's the undercurrent of romance.

I also couldn't help but notice outlets throughout the episode. This house is very dilapidated and dirty. There's grime and rust and darkness everywhere. But we can very clearly see the outlets on the walls, as though they’re brand-new. I believe that's to draw our attention to them. Outlets suggest power, which suggests lamps or batteries.

Remember how I said that the whole battery theory is about resources and that it indicates the CRM? This is why I think this house represents the CRM. And I'm not at all saying that at some point, we’ll see Beth and Daryl running through a house together, as Connie and Virgil do here, trying to escape some threat. I think this represents a much bigger arc of them being inside the CRM and trying to get out. It will probably span a lot of episodes, maybe even multiple seasons.

At one point, we see a red coda pendant hanging in the window behind Virgil. Remember that, via the Matrix theory, red represents the outside world that TF is currently unaware of, and of course Coda suggests Beth. That’s a big part of the evidence for this template being a foreshadow of Beth and Daryl.

I’ll go over all the background details tomorrow, but pretty much every detail I found suggests what I've laid out here. I'm going to do completely separate post on the awake/asleep theme as well as the mailbox theme. That one stemmed from last week's episode (11x05), but I haven't gotten a chance to post it yet. And of course we saw the mailbox feature prominently in this episode as well.

We also have a situation where Virgil basically tells Connie to go on without him and that it’s very important to him that she gets home. And then he gets stabbed, and she not only saves him, but pulls him out of the house. We’ve always said that we think there will be a time when Beth will save Daryl. I think this is a foreshadow of it.

I think we'll have a situation (again, much bigger than what we see here in the single episode) where Daryl will be willing to sacrifice himself, his life, to get Beth back to Maggie. Of course she's not going to allow him to do that, but he'll probably be hurt very badly.

(And for the record, I think we've seen foreshadows of this and other arcs. Daryl getting hurt when fighting Alpha was probably a foreshadow of the same thing. I'm sure we could identify others.) I think he will be hurt and Beth will save him, and that will happen as they’re figuring out how to get out of the CRM.

To touch on Kelly’s side of things, we see her find a camp that Virgil and Connie had previously been at. She finds Connie’s stuff there, and the orange backpack that Virgil must have left behind. The thing that jumped out at me here is that, in the foreground, we saw ropes around the camp with cans attached as an alert system.

That was featured very prominently in Alone, both because Daryl set up something like that at the funeral home and also because the other half of that episode was about Maggie/Sasha/Bob and they did the same thing in their camp. So again, major callbacks to Alone, and to what this is probably foreshadowing.

But my favorite thing about this was connections that I made. Things that kind of confirm events we’ve suspected in 4B, but have never been able to prove. Let me explain.

First, there’s the reunion between Connie and Kelly. And this really jumped out at me. Not only because it's two sisters reuniting, but because of the way it was shown.

When approaching Connie, Kelly is crying and says, "I'm sorry." And that's out of character or out of place in any way. She’s sorry that for what happened to Connie and that it took them so long to find her. All that is completely understandable. But at the same time, Kelly has no reason to feel bad about what happened to Connie. It wasn't her fault, and she's been a dutiful sister looking for her intensively ever since.

But I think the “I'm sorry” will make a lot more sense if we hear Maggie saying it to Beth, given everything that's happened, and especially what happened in S5. I mean, Beth did get left behind.

The other thing is that when they see each other and then hug, the background music almost sounds angelic, like a choir. I mean, they really wanted this to be a big deal, the reunion between these two sisters. And not that the Kelly and Connie's reunion isn't a big deal. It's very sweet, but I feel like this a foreshadow something much bigger. And what other reunion between sisters could qualify for something like that except Maggie and Beth, who didn't get the reunion in season five?

We’ve always said that Connie was a proxy for Beth, and that the cave-in, followed by her being missing was a parallel to Beth’s arc. So, this arc ending in Connie finding someone she’ll eventually have a romance with and then finding her sister is makes me very hopeful for what we'll see when Beth returns.

I have to say that this is kind of a relief to me. Because of Daryl's line back in Still about how, "you ain't never going to see Maggie again," I’ve gone back and forth about whether Beth and Maggie will actually get a reunion. Yes, there are plenty of ways to explain away that line, and I don't disagree with any of them. But I’ve still been really back-and-forth about whether this is going to happen. After seeing Connie and Kelly really reunite, I have no doubt that eventually will see a Beth/Maggie reunion. Yay!

Next, is the fact that Virgil and Connie talk about how the people living in this house lured them into a trap.

This is talked about very much anymore, but was always but what happened in Alone was always so wonky to me. I know it was supposed to be, but the whole thing felt like it was orchestrated somehow. I mean, what happened to the dog? We hear barking, but we didn't actually see the dog again, because when Daryl open the door all the walkers were on the porch. But how did that many walkers get up to the porch without them hearing it?

When Beth and Daryl sat in the kitchen staring at each other, they heard the cans rattle and then at the dog bark. I think that the idea was that Daryl thought it was the dog moving the cans and that's why he was going to open the door and get it to come in. He didn't understand that there were walkers there. But why didn't they hear the walkers? More importantly, why would that many walkers go up to the door if they couldn't see any humans on the inside? It's completely weird behavior for walkers. And then when Beth leaves the house, she just happens to be picked up by a car?

Like I said, I just always felt like the whole thing was really orchestrated, but even at Grady, we were never told that it was. Gorman suggested to Beth that they happened upon her accidentally. Of course, Gorman is the opposite of trustworthy, but we also understand better now the way that these episodes are often approached. We sometimes see things from one character's point of view over another. Clearly, Slabtown was seen from Beth’s point of view, so if she couldn't see the truth about what happened, that's why we couldn’t neither.

My point is, in this episode, Virgil says that he and Connie were herded there like prey. These feral people apparently went to the camp (Kelly says the left in a hurry and something was very wrong, and I think she's right. Given that Virgil and Connie left all their stuff behind; Connie would not have left behind her slingshot on purpose). Which means the creatures came to their camp, scared them away, chase them toward the house, herding them that way, in order to eat them.

Now, I'm not saying that's specifically what happened in Alone, but I think it kind of proves that what happened was an orchestrated trap that was set up to capture Beth.

And we do get the sense from what Noah told her that Grady purposely left the strong behind and took the weak. So, I'm not sure if Beth and Daryl were actually herded toward the funeral home. From what we saw, it really was more like they happened upon it. But I'm wondering if once there, someone observed them, or observed them approaching, and decided that they would be optimal targets. Given that Beth was injured (which they would have known if they saw Daryl giving her the piggy back) obviously it would always be her that was taken, while Daryl—obviously the more survival-oriented of the two—would be left behind.

And I love this connection because it proves (as far as we can prove theories 😉) that there are things they haven’t shown us, not just in S5 with the missing 17 days, but reaching all the way back to S4.

The other thing that's just kind of cool to consider is that, as I said before, the other half of the episode was about Maggie/Sasha/Bob, right? There are a lot of things that their sequence foreshadows as well. And in the episode, Maggie is specifically looking for Glenn, not Beth. However, given that this episode with Connie and Virgil also featured Kelly, Connie’s sister, looking for her, it just doesn't seem like it could possibly be a coincidence that the other half of Alone was Maggie searching for someone. What I’m saying is that both Alone and this episode, 11x06, foreshadow what will happen when Maggie and Beth reunite. I'm sure I could go into the details of Alone find a lot of connections, but I don't have time to do that right now. Maybe during the hiatus. Maybe. ;-).

Daryl and Leah:

Okay, I guess we need to talk about Daryl and Leah’s part of this episode as well. I don't have as much say about the symbolism for them. This is really more about where this is going.

Daryl tortures Frost, which I'm sure some people are going to have a problem with. But A.K. said that this is really about Daryl wanting to stay on the inside with the Reapers. As I said after ep 4, Frost is smart and he understands what Daryl is doing. A.K. said he did exactly what Daryl wanted to do him to do here. Daryl wanted him to give them a basic location but not an exact one. In other words, to tell them the neighborhood but not the exact house. And that's exactly what Frost did. Angela says Daryl did this because he was trying to save Frost’s life. Unfortunately, by the end of the episode, we see that didn't work out so well. But he was attempting to save him.

You have to watch the details closely to pick this up, but the first house that Daryl, Leah, and Carver go to is not the house Maggie is in. That's why Daryl says they should stick around and look around for things, because he knew Maggie wasn't there and wanted to give her time to escape. But the second house we see them go into is where Maggie and co are hiding under the floorboards.

At first, it seems to be empty, but when Daryl comes downstairs, he sees the place where they might be hiding and slides the rug over it. In the end, Carver sees it and checks, but Maggie and the others have already made their escape.

I had to stop and think about that for a minute. Since Beth wore yellow and we think yellow equals life and escape, I would have thought the yellow house would be where Maggie and the others were hiding and then escaped from. That would've made more logical sense. But actually, the yellow house was a decoy.

It gave me a whole new insight into the meaning behind the color yellow in TWD universe.

I still think yellow represents escape, among other things. But it also represents looking for someone in the wrong place. Even if you think about Rick’s mini death fake out in 7x12, there was probably only 12 feet between where Michonne thought he was (right side of the screen being eaten by walkers) and where he actually was (left side of the screen coming out of the yellow carnival car) but still, she was looking for him in the wrong place and assumed he was dead because of it.

I also thought of the Glenn situation in S4. Maggie looked for him on the school bus (yellow). And in both cases, it was because that’s where Rick/Glenn were last seen, but what was UNSEEN was how they ESCAPED. So, TF was looking for them in the wrong place.

And I’m sure something similar will happen with Beth during the missing 17 days. It doesn’t really change what we believe happened with Beth, but it makes me want to re-examine every yellow reference we’ve ever seen on the show, which is probably hundreds by now, lol.

At one point, Carver is coming down the stairs and Daryl runs over to him and starts talking really fast. He says that they (Maggie’s group) will not to come back here, that it wouldn’t be smart, etc. The first time I watched it, I remember thinking that Daryl was being really obvious. It made him seem nervous and like he was hiding something. And he probably was somewhat nervous. The reason he ran over Carver right then, is because he didn't want Carver to see the hiding place where Maggie and the others were (because Daryl himself noticed it when he was coming down the stairs).

But the other thing to remember is that Daryl knows Maggie and the others are down there. He was using this to give them information. He talks about how the Reapers have walls and weapons, twenty people inside their town, etc. That is also him getting Maggie information so she would know what they're up against. It was actually very smart on his part, even if it kind of tipped Carver off.

By the end, they returned to Pope and find that Frost is dead. I thought it was super weird and creepy that Pope started laughing when Carver said they had lost Maggie's group. That's very out of character for him. Angela Kang said Pope was purposely playing mind games to make Daryl and Leah paranoid, but even so. That laugh was just maniacal.

So, not sure exactly where this is going, or what Pope's plans are. He kind of suggests that maybe Frost turned on Daryl and sold him out before he died. I doubt that's true, but Pope also strikes me as the kind of guy who, if he's decided Daryl is an enemy, doesn't actually need proof of it. So, we'll just have to see where this goes.

Okay, that's it for today. I'll do details tomorrow. How did you all like the episode?

[dramajib]

Things I loved from this week’s episodes of Dali & Gamjatang:

1) He don’t take no shit.

2) She don’t take no shit.

3) They don’t take no shit.

I love that our couple just talk to each other. They share their feelings. They discuss business when it needs to be discussed. They’re not trying to protect each other by hiding things. They believe in each other’s abilities and capabilities. The mutual respect and affection is killing me and I really hope we can get through the rest of the show without having to deal with any of that rubbish pining-caused-by-misunderstandings-and-unnecessary-silence nonsense (why no, I’m not at all traumatised from watching My Roommate is a Gumiho, why would you ask?)

I even kind of love Chak Hee - Moo Tak shatters any illusions she may have, and she seems like she’s done conniving for things to work her way. I am hoping that I will love any reluctant friendship that grows between her and Dali as they share a bed next week. I had been hoping for that relationship to develop with Gong Ju, but I suspect we won’t get to see it after all. I do wonder who’s beat her up, hopefully not her louse of a father.

And by that last her, I mean, Chak Hee, not Gong Ju. I am loving that Gong Ju was beaten up by the angry goshiwon resident who was a victim of dumpling theft. To be honest I would not put it past Gong Ju to have actually stolen those dumplings.

Speaking of Gong Ju, why do I get the feeling Dali was adopted, and that’s why Gong Ju resents her so much? I hope it’s not true, it feels like a cheap cop out to evoking emotion, when the show already has so many great things to dump into my emotions box and rummage around in. 

(I’m also really not looking forward to the introduction of her uncle. The cousin has been my least favourite part of the show, and I feel like his father can’t be much better.)

I appreciate that so far the show has moved the politics/drama aspect of things right along, because honestly I am not paying attention to any of it. I’m like, bruh, just sell the building the gallery is in if it’s causing SO much hassle and buy another one and continue your gallery work there. Unless there’s some reason she’s emotionally attached to the building on top of the business itself, who knows.

Circling back to the first scene I shared in this post - the drama does a lot of things that leave me unsure if I’m meant to interpret the way I do. That scene struck me as very atypical of what happens in most shows, by which I mean it’s usually the guy who’s fumbling around and trying to get a girl to listen, and the girl has just refused to listen to excuses and left. 

But in this case not only are the roles reversed, it’s not even really a case of excuses or not explaining things or giving someone an opportunity to explain. Like Moo Hak says when he finally gets home - there is nothing he’s done that requires explaining. And Dali apologising or expecting anything isn’t fair. (Admittedly that crack about getting money out of Tae Jin by sleeping with him was extremely uncalled for but I’m going to chalk it up to being out of character and hope he doesn’t say anything half as problematic again).

But - I don’t know if that was the intention of the show. Just like I don’t know if I’m supposed to believe that the relationship between Ki Cheol and their dad is actually as tenuous as Ki Cheol says it is. Does Ki Cheol really believe that, or is he just a sneaky bastard using it to manipulate Moo Hak? I mean stepmom is clearly just your cookie cutter power hungry jealous step mother who wants her son to get all the benefits Moo Hak has even though he didn’t actually do any of the work of building the business... but is Ki Cheol the same? Is their brotherly affection actually genuine? How long have they even been brothers?

And that’s what I mean when I say there’s so much in my emotions box - all these relationships are so interesting, and so much fun to think about. Well, maybe not all. The villains are pretty meh. But the secretaries, for example, or even Moo Hak and his dad - every time we cut from a yelling DonDon family scene to the two of them walking and having a calm, gentle conversation... there’s so much love there to be explored, I really don’t need any blatant sob stories to keep me invested.

[thebookreader12345]

750 Followers Celebration - Q&A

Thank you so much for supporting me through this journey! You guys don't know how much this means to me. Every single one of you is amazing.

Below the cut are my answers to the questions that you all submitted.

Q: Do you think Jay is going to become Sergeant this season? A: There has been a lot of debate over this question because of the past few seasons and all of the "Easter eggs", like the sergeant exam poster hanging in the background of the show. In my opinion, I do not believe Jay will become Sergeant. Yet. I think it won't be until the beginning of next season because, if this is a possible storyline, I would expect that the producers and writers would make the finale of season 9 about Voight stepping down/getting promoted, etc.

Q: Did Chicago Justice deserve more episodes? A: I'm sort of split with this question. I loved the fact that there was a big episode involving Kevin, and they always included people from Med, Fire, and PD in some of the episodes. However, the whole plot of the episodes was kind of slow because it wasn't like they were police officers and could go out and chase suspects and arrest people and what not. Their job was just to gather the evidence and then present it in court. I think for many, the show fell flat because there wasn't much action, and part of me does agree with that, but the whole idea of the show itself was kind of cool.

Q: What would make you stop watching each Chicago show? A: This is a tough question because I've only ever dropped one show that I can think of, and it was only because the plotline got really dumb. Maybe if some major characters died in each show I'd stop watching it? But then again, I love the One Chicago universe so much that I don't think even that would stop me from watching. So yeah. I really don't know.

Q: Do you believe in magic? A: As much as I would love for magic to be real, I don't believe it is. But I feel like everyone thinks that way. Cause lets be honest, Harry Potter and Disney make magic look so cool. However, we all know deep down somewhere that it's almost impossible for certain things to be real, and magic just so happens to be one of them.

Q: Are you superstitious? A: I'm not the most superstitious person out there, but I do somewhat follow a few superstitions. Whenever I find a penny on the ground with heads facing up, I pick it up because I believe I'll get good luck. Doing the whole "fingers crossed" thing is something I do a lot. I believe you shouldn't open an umbrella in the house or else you'll receive bad luck. Broken mirrors are bad omens. Those are the top 4 I believe in, but other than that, I'm not really too superstitious.

Q: Is your perception of yourself similar or the same to how others perceive you? A: I mean, I would hope so. I appreciate my level of smarts, and whenever my friends acknowledge them or compliment me on them it makes my day. However, with that, people think that I'm always only doing things to boost my intelligence. For example, I love to read. So whenever I say that I didn't do much over the weekend, people always assume that I read a bunch, when I really didn't. Or that I always study for tests or do homework like a week before it's do. That is not the case. But for the most part, I believe my perception of myself is the same as how other people perceive me.

Q: Who is your favorite couple on each One Chicago show? A: Okay, so for Med, there aren't really any couples at the moment besides Maggie and Ben, whom I love but they aren't my favorite, so I'm gonna pick a past couple. When I first started Med, Manstead was my prime ship, so I'll choose them. Will had been pining after Natalie for so long so I was glad when they finally got together. For Fire, it's gotta be Kelly and Stella. They were literally made for each other, and they support each other with everything. Also, they are so cute together and all of Firehouse 51 ships them as well! And for PD, while I do love Burzek, Upstead is my favorite ship at the moment. I've seen the connection between Hailey and Jay since season 5. You don't understand how angry I was in season 7 when Hailey was so close to confessing her feelings. So season 8 made me very happy when Jay and Hailey finally got together.

Q: Jay and Lindsey or Jay and Hailey? A: I respect everyone's opinions on this matter, so hopefully you all respect mine. I thought that Erin was almost toxic in a way for Jay. She continuously broke his heart when all he wanted to do was help him. But what really does it for me is that she left Chicago without telling him goodbye. Hailey, on the other hand, has pushed Jay to seek out help when he needed it, like when she recommended he take seeing a therapist seriously to help with his PTSD, and she is always there for him, no matter what. That's why I believe Hailey and Jay are the better pairing.

Q: Which character death got to you the most? A: There have been too many sad deaths in the One Chicago world. But if I had to pick one, I've gotta go with Otis on Chicago Fire. Otis was always one of my favorite characters, even way back when I watched Fire with my dad when it was first coming out. He was witty and funny, and his friendship with Cruz was everything. So, when I watched the episode where he died, I was full on balling. I had to pause the episode for 10 minutes because I couldn't stop.

Q: Who is your favorite character on each show and why? A: I'm gonna do favorite male and female character because I've got too many favorites from each show. On Med, my favorites are Will and Natalie. Will has been my favorite since day one, and I like that he will go out of his way to help patients, even if it means he could get in serious trouble. Natalie, even though she's not in the show, always pushes for the best of care for her patients, and whenever she dealt with kids it was always the sweetest thing. On Fire, I like Kelly and Sylvie. Kelly is so headstrong and driven, and he will do anything to protect the other members of Squad 3. Sylvie is such a hard worker and you can tell she is passionate about her job. I feel so bad that she's had to go through so many partners. On PD I love Jay and Hailey. Jay has not always been my favorite male character. Back when I watched the show for the first time, I adored Adam. However, I love that Jay has such good morals and is always pushing to do the right thing even when Voight disagreed. Now, it took a few episodes for me to warm up to Hailey, but after seeing her be so badass, it was hard not to like her.

Q: Where do you get inspiration for your stories?/How do you get inspiration when there's not a request? A: This question is always hard to answer because I really don't know. Most of the time I'm fulfilling requests sent in by you guys and I just write what comes to the top of my mind. If there are requests that are not requested and I come up with them on my own, chances are I saw the plot somewhere else, like in a book or show or movie, and I just tweaked it a bit to fit the One Chicago universe. Either that happens, or while I'm trying to fall asleep, I make up random scenarios in my head, and if I find one that I really like, I'll make a note of it on my phone so I don't forget it, and then I'll write about it.

Q: Do you think Brett and Casey are endgame? Why or why not? A: I'm gonna go with yes on this one. Now, Brettsey is not one of my top ships in the universe. However, they are cute together, and I've been expecting them to get together for a while. The two of them, even when Gabby was around, had a great relationship and always cared for each other. Plus, Matt jumped out of a firetruck to go help Sylvie when the ambulance flipped. He was willing to risk an injury just to make sure she was okay. And now that they are officially together in Chicago Fire, you can see that they really love and care for each other.

Q: What inspired you to start writing? A: I always seem to get this question whenever I do a q&a, but that's okay because I don't mind talking about it. I first got into stuff like this as a reader. Basically, I went on to Wattpad and Tumblr to read other people's stories. I had no intention of creating my own. And then, one day, I started imagining myself in some of the fandoms I was apart of, and I thought, "If I'm imagining myself in these fandoms, chances are others are too," and I began creating stories that followed the plots of movies and shows exactly, just adding Y/n in it. However, that got tiring after a while because I wasn't able to have much freedom because I was following a set script, and that's when I remembered I had a Tumblr account I never used. So, I revamped my account just a little bit and started posting story ideas I had that I couldn't post on Wattpad because either they didn't fit with the stories or they were for someone I didn't write for on Wattpad. And now, here we are. For anyone interested, I've posted this before but I'll post it again, my Wattpad handle is @Writer_Reader05.

Q: Jay or Will Halstead? A: I'm sorry, but I really can't choose between the two of them. I love them both so much. Will and Jay are two of my favorite characters in the whole One Chicago universe. While they do have some qualities that I'm not the fondest of, at the end of the day, I adore the both of them, and I could never choose between them.

Q: Who would you rather date: Jay or Will Halstead? A: Why do you guys do this to me? I love them both so much! But, if I have to choose, I'm gonna pick Jay. The only reason is because I like the characters in PD more than Med, so if I'm dating Jay, chances are I'm friends with Hailey and Adam and all of Intelligence. Will is just as awesome as Jay though and I feel like sometimes people sleep on that.

Q: Which of the requested fics you’ve written is your favorite? A: I think I'm gonna have to go with a Jay Halstead x reader I wrote titled Two Becomes Three. Something about the plot just makes me smile. And to think of Jay being a father......So yeah, while I have so many amazing requested fics thanks to you all, that one has to be one of my favorites.

Q: What’s your favorite series you’ve written so far? A: I love all of the series I have written. Something about creating a whole story that's more than just one part is always fun. If I have to pick one series, I'm gonna pick On the Loose. It was the first series I wrote on Tumblr and the plot of it is something I'm really proud of. However, From the Big Apple to the Windy City, Identity Loss, and Difference of Opinion are all amazing! The first two are finished series and the last one still has a few chapters left to go. Go check them out if you haven't already.

Q: What's your favorite imagine you've come up with and why? A: I don't have a lot of fics that are solely my ideas. Most of my stories have plots that were sent in by you all. However, if I had to pick a favorite out of my stories, it'd be Back Home for Christmas, a Halstead Sister fic I released when I was somewhat new to the platform. Something about writing sibling fics always makes me happy because I get to express the familial side to the characters.

Q: If you had to be roommates with 5 of your mutuals/fellow writers, who would you pick and why? A: I love all of my fellow writers/mutuals so much! I know how much work we put into whatever we post, and most of us are very active on this site. As for who I would pick to be my roommates, I'd choose @hereforhalstead @fighterkimburgess @halsteadlover @resanoona @sylviebrettsey because I feel like we'd all have great conversations, mainly over One Chicago. And every Wednesday night we'd all watch the episodes live together and experience them as a group and then freak out over what happened..........Now watch me fantasize about this all day.

Q: Do you listen to music when you write? A: It depends. On some days when I plan that I'm gonna write, then yes, I do put on some music. When there are days that I have a few minutes to spare, I don't put on music just because I'm only writing for a few minutes and I don't want to waste time. But mostly when I'm writing I do play music in the background.

Q: Do you know how your fics/stories end before you finish writing it? A: This is a really interesting question. The answer is no, I do not know how I'm gonna end a fic before I finish writing it. The only story I had a set ending for was my series On the Loose, but that one wasn't even fully planned out until I got a chapter or two in. Obviously, if I get a request that includes a set ending, like two characters get together or something like that, then I know what the ending will be. Otherwise, I have no clue.

Q: Have you ever met someone who had a very similar personality to your own? Did you get along? A: You know, I can't say that I have. Everyone is different in their own way, and that's what makes us all unique. I would imagine if I did meet someone with a similar personality we'd get along because we'd basically be a carbon copy of each other, but who knows. Maybe our similar personalities would cause us to clash.

Q: Do you hold yourself to higher standards than you hold others? A: Not really. I know myself more than anyone else so I know what my limits are and when I've reached them. With people, on the other hand, I always feel like they can be doing more with themselves and their lives. So I do not hold myself to higher standards than others.

Thank you to all of you who sent in questions! I never thought I'd reach 750 followers on this platform. The only reason I have is all thanks to you wonderful people out there!

@winterberryfox @maximeevansblog @scarletsoldierrr @i-like-sparkly-things @dreamingmanip @soph0864 @ryliegh8 @lorenakaspersen @wanniiieeee @nevertoofarfromivar @securityfriendly-jay @pinkbay-love @stephie123