#but watching it in 2022 it just seems so weird and gross | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thegeneralreturns · 2 years

Text

If I Had to Rank the Best Picture Nominees

From worst to first...

10. TRIANGLE OF SADNESS - Of the seemingly never-ending buffet of 2022 movies that had a hate boner for the rich, the Academy selected the one that wasn't as entertaining as The Menu, wasn't as righteous as Glass Onion, and wasn't as straight-the-fuck-up mean as Bodies Bodies Bodies. But it was obvious and trite enough for most third graders to lose patience with, and it's the English language debut of an esteemed Swedish director. So here, have a Best Picture nomination. Oh, and a Palme d'Or!

9. ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT - To watch the 2022 All Quiet on the Western Front is to miss the hell out of the 1930 version. Even ninety-three years after its debut, Lewis Milestone's classic is a stark and primal thing that laid the groundwork for depicting combat on film. So no matter how good this new version's intentions are (and director Edward Berger's intentions are indeed very good), we're still watching kids play dress up. All sheen and no impact.

8. ELVIS - It was one of the internet's favorite hobbies this past year to flip Tom Hanks an ungodly amount of shit for his garish performance as this film's Colonel Tom Parker. And yeah, he's terrible, but given the rest of the movie around him, could you really say he was wrong? Baz Luhrmann likes to make glitzy and over-the-top fairy tales with sad endings, and that kind of broad artifice is part of the game. The problem with Elvis is that in the middle of it is Austin Butler's gritty, realistic, and quite frankly brilliant method performance. He doesn't fit in. That, or the movie can't contain him. I'd have liked to have seen the movie Butler thought he was in. I'd have liked to have seen the movie Luhrmann was trying to craft around him. I don't think I got either.

7. AVATAR: THE WAY OF WATER - The first hour is great, the third hour is terrific, but the second hour goes all in on a shapeless nature documentary about the seafaring N'avi. That sounds good on paper, but... wait, if James Cameron's writing something, it doesn't sound good on paper either. I can't say I disliked the film, no one can do big quite like Cameron, but I saw it with all the 3D Imax bells and whistles. Once that avenue of consumption is non-viable, I don't see this film working all that well dramatically.

6. TAR - Boy, Todd Field really wanted to make a Kubrick film, didn't he? It's all there, from the deep-focus shots of clean environments, to the low rumble on the soundtrack that portends dread in every scene. Hell, Field even got Kubrick's habit of taking decades in between films down pat. If I don't seem as up-with-people about Cate Blanchett's performance as everyone else, it's because it's part of the machinery. So was Nicholson in The Shining. They're both brilliant performances, but they're not the kind of brilliant you notice on the first viewing. Field wanted to make a Kubrick movie, and for two hours of the 154 minute runtime, he got closer than any of his contemporaries ever have. The problem here is, if Field wants to make a movie to The Old Master's Standard, then he's going to need to live up to The Old Master's Standard. Kubrick would not have gotten away with having a character we've never seen before come in, baldly state the main character's arc as though we were children who needed to get it, and then vanish. This previously spellbinding film never recovers after that, leading to a third act that just... feels... gross. I just think it's weird that while a certain other Best Picture nominee is getting all due credit for its Asian representation, Tar depicts its lead's personal and professional rock bottom as having to actually live in Asia.

5. TOP GUN: MAVERICK - Unlike Avatar, which needed a theatrical experience the price of a small yacht to work, I watched Top Gun: Maverick on my TV, and thought it was just dandy. Tom Cruise threw hundreds of millions of dollars at the screen to convince us that fighter jets were cool. And he was right, too, fighter jets are fuckin' rad. A simple (some might even say "paint-by-numbers") story that's old as the hills subtly lays the groundwork needed for a final half hour that's the tightest, best edited, most well-constructed third act to an action movie I've seen since... Jesus, A New Hope? The more I think about this movie, the more I like it. And this is coming from someone who hated the first one.

4. WOMEN TALKING - How did this movie get the reputation as "The Vegetables" of this crop of nominees, and not Triangle of Sadness, which is so tediously pretentious as to have a Russian capitalist and an American communist drunkenly screeching quotes at each other? Women Talking is about the women in a Mennonite colony reckoning with their sexual assault by the men in their community, and deliberating on whether to stay at that colony, or to leave, and director Sarah Polley deserves all the credit in the world for both making this cinematic, and actually finding moments of levity and recognition. These are women who have undergone something terrible, yes, but they are also women who have history and get on each others' nerves. Their kids screw around in the barn and play jokes on each other. It doesn't sound like much, but it matters a great deal, as through this, we see what these women are potentially giving up by leaving. It's these moments at the periphery that makes the core all the more devastating.

3. THE FABELMANS - I've seen accusations that The Fabelmans is Steven Spielberg mythologizing himself, but that's grossly unfair. This is America, and we did it first. If anyone even slightly interested in film history laid down the tracks for him, then why can't Spielberg drive the train? This is a thinly-veiled, genuinely moving, and wonderfully entertaining Roman a clef of his own life packed with terrific performances, and when the aliens get here in a thousand years after we've blown ourselves to bits, and they ask for evidence that Seth Rogen can act, at least we can say we have it. It's humble without being self-lacerating, and it's the fun kind of meta instead of the irritating kind. Speaking of which, kudos to Spielberg for giving us the funniest and most satisfying final shot since Knives Out.

2. THE BANSHEES OF INISHERIN - I've rarely seen a comedy that left me this unsettled. Or a tragedy that made me laugh so much. Colin Farrell has never been better as a man on an Irish island in the 1920s whose preoccupation with his own image as a nice guy threatens to engulf all of the things and people he ever loved, from his sister, to his friend that doesn't want to talk to him anymore, to his pet donkey. If Everything Everywhere All At Once was the Zoomer ignition point for the kind of nihilism that engenders all-encompassing love and radical hope, then The Banshees of Inisherin feels like this ancient force of queasy malevolence that doesn't give a shit about placidity or empty gestures.

In any other year, I'd call The Banshees of Inisherin the best in show with a smile, and go on my merry way. However two guys named Daniel found out how to activate God mode.

And the best picture of the Best Pictures is...

EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE - How many times in a given year--Hell, in a given decade--do we see a film that earnestly and actively tries to be the best ever made? People want to communicate, or they want to make money, but Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert throw the immigrant experience, kung fu fights, generational trauma, the multiverse, nihilistic despair, butt plugs, and the ebbs and flows of the mother-daughter bond at each other at relativistic speeds in an effort to go down in history. And Holy Hell, it worked! Far from cancelling each other out, these disparate elements cohere into a tear-jerking, mind-blowing, thrilling whole. It's not the actual, literal best movie ever made, but I wouldn't dream of knocking anyone for being taken with how close The Daniels got, because by God I'm taken with it too. I've seen everyone and their mom point at any number of reasons as to why this film reached so many people in the way that it did, but maybe, just maybe, Everything Everywhere All at Once blew up because we haven't seen this kind of ambition in a long, long time. It feels good to see. And we want more.

#oscars #academy awards #everything everywhere all at once #the banshees of inisherin

2 notes · View notes

theharpermovieblog · 2 years

Text

#HARPERSMOVIECOLLECTION

2023

A CELEBRATION OF DAVID CRONENBERG

I watched Crimes Of The Future (2022)

Oh David Cronenberg, you're A Director who has amazed and disappointed me, but never left me without a sense of true talent and artistic vision. With a Cronenberg movie, you always walk away with his vision in your thoughts.

A man who grows new organs and surgically removed them as art must decide whether he must expose the idea that humans are evolving to eat and survive on synthetic materials.

Let's talk about David Cronenberg and his unique style.

David Cronenberg has always had a fascination with the human body, organic technology, and an interest in strange sexuality, which he tends to wrap in a plot that balks at the powers that be with a revolutionary or counter culture-esque middle finger.

Its not enough to show us the strange and unusual and disgustingly odd. It must be on display, front and center, because to Cronenberg, the disgusting is beautiful and deserves a place in the artistic spotlight.

This film is classic Cronenberg in this sense. In every sense really. It's almost as if he wanted to prove he'd mastered his own style.

Cronenberg is more than just disgust as beauty. Watch Existenz, Naked lunch and then This film back to back and you'll get a sense for his style. Slow, muted conversations, lingered reaction shots, even the sound of a crowd in the background, in a Cronenberg it's all his own way of doing things. Everything on screen from the things you like, to the things you don't like are, at the very least, a choice that he seems to have made.

Among Cronenberg's worst films is Scanners. It has a rushed, unfinished feel. But, even Scanners has, at it's core, very interesting ideas. There is thought and meaning behind it all. Cronenberg always brings originality and it's what makes him an artist over just some guy who makes movies.

Lucky for us, Crimes of the future is among Cronenberg's best films.

He's not only giving us a talented cast and a grotesquely interesting plot, but he's wrapped it all in the crisp cinematography he's come to be so fond of.

It's a film about the evolution of man, art, and sexuality. It's about voyeurism and the ownership of ones body. It's about the need to adapt to an increasingly synthetic world. It's not just weird for the sake of being weird. It's weirdness as a way of exploring these many things.

It is certainly a gross movie. New organs growing, surgery is the new sex, the weird ear guy......it's all pretty gross. So if you're watching for nothing else other than the body horror, you'll still get your fill.

For me the surgeries and body horror challenged me in a way I wasn't expecting. Not only was I uncomfortable with the thought of growing new organs or sexual surgery, I found myself not wanting the characters to choose to do these things, or change their bodies. I had to check my judgment a tad. If a movie can make me do that, it must have something to say.

You can pull a lot of meaning from this movie. It's a strange trip with many messages in it's artistic display. It's possible that this is Cronenberg's masterpiece. His perfect blend of style and substance.

Lastly here is a list of David Cronenberg Movies You Should See:

•The Fly

•RABID

•The Brood

•Naked Lunch

•A History Of Violence

•Eastern Promises

•Videodrome

•Dead Ringers

•Crimes Of The Future

#crimes of the future #david cronenberg

6 notes · View notes

the-domestication-of-the-dog · 6 months

Text

The 13th Annual(??) L.A.O.K. Awards

The Lazy Sack-of-Shit Award Me

For, in the second time in the history of the awards, posting this list after the completion of the following awards year. Wow, the first two-time winner of the Lazy Sack-of-Shit Award. This is so unexpected, I uh- I didn't even have a speech prepared. Uh, but I would like to say this: tardiness, is not something you can do all on your own. I'd like to thank my two-year-old daughter Rosie, for needing and deserving constant attention, a brain disorder called adult attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, and the engineers at Reddit, Instagram, and YouTube for creating systems of crippling dopamine feedback loops, without which, I might never be tardy.

Now I know you've all been opening this site every morning and hitting refresh to see when these would finally be posted, so without further ado...

The most dangerous thing about the Layokies…is that you may grow to love them too much. [This is a reference to Avatar: The Way of Water. Remember that movie? It grossed $684 million domestically.] The people (3) have spoken, and the Layokies, even if massively delayed, must go on. [At the time of writing this, I was a month or two behind, but then instead of finishing and posting it, I just…didn’t. But here we are a year later, and I do want to post my 2023 Layokies (also massively delayed), but it seems weird to do that without first posting the 2022 Layokies, so hey let’s blaze through this thing and you can find out what I thought about some movies from over two years ago.]

I love celebrating movies, so it’s kind of a bummer to me that this year felt like Dullsville, U.S.A. But I’ve said that previously, then reread years later and thought, ‘what was I thinking, these movies were great!’ So here’s to the perspective you get when time passes. What’s that called? Retrospecticus or something.

I’ll also note that, as listed in last year’s post [a.k.a. two-years-ago’s post], I had a baby, which, as predicted, severely limited my in-theater viewing. I also moved to Pasadena, which meant those films I did see in the theater were relegated to the AMC Santa Anita. You know my thoughts about AMCs (and pretty much all megaplex chains), but even AMC Century City has the big IMAX seats. AMC Santa Anita’s IMAX is in just like, a normal theater?? I just saw The Super Mario Bros. Movie in this exact theater and it was SO. QUIET. But that’s a Layokies for another year [which is actually this year. Also this has since been remedied, and now they have one with the big seats and all, and I recently saw Dune: Part Two there, and it looked and sounded great so woohoo.]

Narrative Film Everything Everywhere All at Once TÁR Thirteen Lives Top Gun: Maverick Women Talking

Boy this is a real bummer. FOUR out of my five favorite movies were nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars, and maybe that’s why I never posted this edition of the Layokies. What fun is talking about movies without also being contrarian? Typically there’ll be some movie I see in the middle of the summer that wows me, which absolutely no one else cares about, talks about, or even watches. That movie never came, because Everything Everywhere All at Once was already being talked about as one of the best movies of all time a week into its release, so much so that it felt like you were some weird guzmo if you gave it 3.5 stars on Letterboxed instead of 5, where it currently sits as the 25th highest-rated narrative film of all time [but actually currently at #103; whoops just checked again: #118]. I was more in the latter camp, and we all know the rest. Even the “irrelevant” Academy agreed. Okay then, let’s look to my second-favorite movie of the year, a drama about women who sit around debating in a barn for 90 minutes. Ah, that’s more like it, who would want to watch that? Except…another Best Picture nomination. This is really annoying! You have to scroll all the way down– [and here my commentary from early 2023 broke off. Scroll all the way down for what?! We shall never know. While I had slotted everything in for awards, all prose after this point was composed on or after February 3, 2024, so I’ll do my best to remember.]

And the Layokie goes to… Everything Everywhere All at Once

“EEAAO” as they call it, was truly a great film, and it was cool and weird to see it garner such recognition. The last time my own pick won Best Picture was 12 Years a Slave, which of course it did. The momentum behind this one, however, I still can’t understand. Looking back, it still feels like it should have been normie repellant. I can only guess that the efforts made by the Academy in the decade-long wake of #OscarsSoWhite is actually changing the demographics as intended, not just for race, but age and all other types of diversity.

Honorable Mentions Avatar: The Way of Water Bones and All The Menu Pearl The Whale

Documentary Film Bitterbrush Cow Claydream A House Made of Splinters Navalny

You might have heard of A House Made of Splinters (which is devastating btw—the only other movie to put me in literal racking sobs beside Benjamin Button [and wouldn’tcha know they’re both about child abandonment?]) and Navalny from their Oscar nominations (and Navalny’s win)[RIP], but the other three on my list weren’t even shortlisted, and they were all incredible. Bitterbrush follows two cowgirls as they work the sprawling ranges of the American West and wax poetic on a number of subjects. Its incredible vistas are paired with an amazing classical score and soundtrack. Claydream is the story of how the animator behind classic works like the California Raisins eventually had his studio hostilely taken over by Phil Knight’s son (which if you don’t know who that is and what the studio became, is very worth not spoiling). I’m an animation fan, but this was still a gripping story of a generally unknown American master which is both worth your time, and worthy of a Moneyball-style narrative adaptation. Lastly Cow…well let’s just say if you enjoyed Gunda, give this one a watch you sick bastard.

And the Layokie goes to… Bitterbrush

Naturally, the best doc of the year wasn’t even shortlisted. A trend we may see continue in 2023…? However, you can watch Bitterbrush now on Hulu, and I suggest you do.

Honorable Mentions All That Breathes Bad Axe Children of the Mist Nothing Lasts Forever The Territory

Actress Mia Goth - Pearl Cate Blanchette - TÁR Michelle Yeoh - Everything Everywhere All at Once Aubrey Plaza - Emily the Criminal Leslie Manville - Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris

Okay this would have been a pretty cool category at the time, highlighting unsung performances by Mia Goth, Aubrey Plaza, and Leslie Manville. Here are three movies worth seeking out just for their leads (Okay, you probably won’t miss anything not seeing Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris, but for Pearl and Emily the Criminal, I sincerely mean this. Aubrey Plaza has serious chops.) And if you’re not a horror fan, please know that Pearl is so much more, and you’ll miss absolutely nothing by not watching X first (or at all [unless you are a Kid Cudi stan like me]).

And the Layokie goes to… Cate Blanchette - TÁR

Another tossup, but the Layokie way seems to be, when in doubt, give it to Cate Blanchette. Unlike one dear reader, I’ve only seen TÁR once, but perhaps because the character is so commanding and desperate for attention, so is the performance.

Honorable Mentions Viola Davis - The Woman King Carey Mulligan - She Said Tilda Swinton - Three Thousand Years of Longing

Actor Tom Cruise - Top Gun: Maverick Brendan Fraser - The Whale Idris Elba - Three Thousand Years of Longing Park Hae-il - Decision to Leave Ralph Fiennes - The Menu

And the Layokie goes to… Brendan Fraser - The Whale

Let me tell ya, the people were maaad that Austin Butler didn’t win best actor for Elvis last year. For whatever reason, members of the public call and email the Academy every year to provide their opinions on who and what should and shouldn’t have won (I got a call six months into 2020 to tell me how shameful it was that Parasite won Best Picture, not because it was a bad movie, but because there were so many American movies worthy of attention. I asked her if she had seen Parasite. She hadn’t.), but I’m not sure I’ve ever seen such a strong reaction to someone not winning more than Austin Butler. But the Academy got it right, in my opinion. Brendan Fraser played this role with simultaneous sadness and pathos and optimism. It was really remarkable. Typically, the strong performances I’m drawn to, and which generally receive recognition, project outwards. Brendan Fraser’s character in The Whale, perhaps appropriately, seems instead to draw everyone and everything else into himself.

Honorable Mentions Ram Charan - RRR Felix Kammerer - All Quiet on the Western Front Viggo Mortensen - Thirteen Lives (because why the hell not)

Supporting Actor Colin Farrell - The Batman Barry Keoghan - The Banshees of Inisherin Mark Rylance - Bones and All Ke Huy Quan - Everything Everywhere All at Once Miles Teller - Top Gun: Maverick

And the Layokie goes to… Colin Farrell - The Batman

Colin Farrell is showing up a lot in this edition of the Layokies, but nothing was more impressive than his complete transformation into the Penguin. I watched this a couple times, and if I was into conspiracy theories, I still might not believe it was him. Also shoutout to one of my boys, now three-time Layokie-nominee Barry Keoghan. Where y’all been? We done been hyping Barry Keoghan over here since 2017.

Honorable Mentions Christopher Abbot - On the Count of Three Christian Bale - Thor: Love and Thunder Paul Dano - The Batman (Did you know he had to pull out of The Power of the Dog for this role? Ouch.) Paul Dano - The Fabelmans Colin Farrell - Thirteen Lives Nicholas Hoult - The Menu Aaron Taylor Johnson - Bullet Train Ben Whishaw - Women Talking

Supporting Actress Nicole Beharie - Breaking Angela Basset - Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (thought this before everyone else said it) Jessie Buckley - Women Talking Claire Foy - Women Talking Hong Chau - The Menu

Another actor getting nominated for the wrong role, Hong Chau was hilarious in The Menu. I watched that once and still think of her line delivery every time I eat a “tortilla.” But it was basically the whole cast of Women Talking that stole it this year, and this could have gone to anyone one them. (Three years too early for that casting Oscar!)

And the Layokie goes to… Jessie Buckley - Women Talking

Honorable Mention Dolly De Leon - Triangle of Sadness Stephanie Hsu - Everything Everywhere All at Once Rooney Mara - Women Talking

Best Director Edward Berger - All Quiet on the Western Front Daniels - Everything Everywhere All at Once Todd Field - TÁR Ron Howard - Thirteen Lives Joseph Kosinski - Top Gun: Maverick

And the Layokie goes to… Joseph Kosinski - Top Gun: Maverick

Absolutely incredible that both this and Spiderhead were directed by the same person. If you have no idea what Spiderhead is, it’s a Netflix movie that came out the same year about a guy who goes to an island prison where they test potions on you and Chris Hemsworth is the head potion-making guy and also he’s evil, which is supposed to be a big reveal but is obvious from the beginning. Anyway it was super forgettable and got dumped to the recesses of the algorithm in about a week, while Top Gun: Maverick is indelible and single-handedly saved movies after the pandemic. The second time I watched this, I paid attention to all the little things: driving shots, dialogue shots. It hits such a sweet spot between invisible and obvious style. No big surprise, however, as Tron: Legacy and Oblivion are also supremely well-directed action movies.

Honorable Mentions Park Chan-wook - Decision to Leave Ruben Östlund - Triangle of Sadness Maria Schrader - She Said Ti West - Pearl

Original Screenplay Park Chan-wook & Chung Seo-kyung - Decision to Leave Daniels - Everything Everywhere All at Once Seth Reiss & Will Tracy - The Menu Todd Field - TÁR Ruben Östlund - Triangle of Sadness

And the Layokie goes to… Daniels - Everything Everywhere All at Once

Pretty sure these guys went to the Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon school of screenwriting, as this movie has everything: action, sci-fi, romance, about four different levels of family drama, and plays on all our deepest emotions: acceptance, ambition, self-worth, existentialism.

Honorable Mentions John Patton Ford - Emily the Criminal William Nicholson & Don MacPherson - Thirteen Lives

Adapted Screenplay Samuel D. Hunter - The Whale David Kajganich - Bones and All Rebecca Lenkiewicz - She Said Sarah Polley - Women Talking Ti West & Mia Goth - Pearl

I don’t know why, but after listening to the audiobooks for She Said and Catch and Kill, I wholly expected She Said to come in and ham it up big time. But where lesser filmmakers would have attempted to erect a monument to the #metoo movement, She Said played it totally straight. It was more akin to Spotlight than any other film I could think of, and as worthy of praise. It’s too bad the subject matter was already 1,000 times bigger than the movie, because I think the film audience missed out on a real gem here.

And the Layokie goes to… Sarah Polley - Women Talking

That said, there’s another movie about women talking I liked even better, Women Talking. I’m still stunned this was nominated for Best Picture. In what world? It’s currently on Prime, so if you haven’t seen it, add it to your list. It’s also the perfect companion to any movie that receives my wife’s most common film criticism: “It was just a bunch of men talking.” (Think: any war movie.)

Honorable Mentions Like five different guys - Top Gun: Maverick

Now onto the fun stuff:

The Something Award Prey

The Nothing Award Amsterdam

Worst ADR in the History of Movies Hustle

Okay I can’t find this clip online, but it is so egregious, I think it’s worth the effort. Go on Netflix and start watching Hustle starring Adam Sandler at the 17:00 mark. Note how echoey the office is, then give it until Ben Foster’s line “You find me that missing piece, and you’ll be right back on the bench coaching.” I’ve watched this clip probably 25 times, and I absolutely love it. For me, it’s impossible not to picture him in a little sound booth reading that line with headphones on.

Now I’m guessing if any of you did go and watch this, you might be thinking, yeah okay, so what? And already knowing what’s coming and watching it in this manner, maybe it is a so what. But to watch as many movies as I do, and to have heard as much bad ADR as one would, and then to have Ben Foster reach out and smack you in the face with this poorly done a line of ADR…ah, it’s like a holy grail of lazy/rushed/bad filmmaking. It’s like up there with the Batman & Robin reverse shot. Let’s just say it was probably some studio executive’s fault.

Weeird Doubles Burning down rural Irish houses - The Banshees of Inisherin, The Wonder Doing donkeys dirty (oh baby a triple!) - EO, Triangle of Sadness, The Banshees of Inisherin Boring documentaries slowly zooming in on a few pixels - Three Minutes: A Lengthening, Riotsville, U.S.A. Fatties who just gotta stuff their face with candy - The Whale, Piggy

Best Song Naatu Naatu (of course) - RRR

Take it from someone who literally Naatu Naatu’d so hard that he fell over (but was Naatu Naatu-ing as a joke, but falling over wasn’t part of the joke, even though that’s exactly what happened the movie).

youtube

Also, The Whale Rap from Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers. (You can take this one from someone who as a kid did many freestyle raps with friends on the Windows sound recorder, and this is about how it usually went.)

youtube

The Michelle Williams Loves Getting Divorced Award The Fabelmans

I love Michelle Williams and I wish her and her characters all the best, but why is she always divorcing good men who love her?? Don’t make the vow then!

Previous examples include Take This Waltz and Blue Valentine (okay “good” might be a stretch on the latter, and I actually remember thinking they would get back together at the end anyway, though I will not be watching it again since that seems not to be how every other single person read that movie).

Finally Got the Thor Movie Poster Right Thor: Love and Thunder

Best Scenes After Yang - Opening credits Barbarian - Calculating the square footage The Batman - The car chase Bitterbrush - Saddling the horse Bones and All - Maren visits her mom Children of the Mist - The final kidnapping Everything Everywhere All at Once - Rocks with subtitles Navalny - The phone interview Nope - Aliens in the stables Pearl - Pearl’s dinner confession Top Gun: Maverick - Boy you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a fantastic scene in this one, but if I had to pick one…no, literally sitting here thinking, and I can’t decide. All so damn good. Buzzing the security checkpoint; Great Balls of Fire; any time Jon Hamm yells or gives a stank face; Maverick/Iceman reunion; dogfight football; Maverick doing the solo training run; the actual climactic run; and the hug at the end. Triangle of Sadness - The food poisoning (a sequence really) RRR - Naatu Naatu (again, undeniable)

Here’s where I usually link to the A.V. Club’s annual list of best scenes. Sadly, they stopped producing it starting the 2022 awards year.

The 3rd Annual Oklahoma Connections Award Pretty sure one of the girls in Bitterbrush moves to Oklahoma at the end of it or something. Otherwise not a banner year for Oklahoma mentions, except…

The 2nd Annual Shawnee Honors Two years, two shoutsout for my hometown of Shawnee, OK:

2022 - Babylon: Brad Pitt gets told off for pretending to be Italian when he is actually from Shawnee. (And Brad Pitt actually was born in Shawnee. YouTubers doing the Lord’s work.) 2021 - Stillwater: Matt Damon did some work down in Shawnee (mispronounced Shawny instead of Shaw-NEE; shameful, Matt!)

Good in Everything Award Colin Farrell - After Yang, The Banshees of Inisherin, The Batman, Thirteen Lives Tilda Swinton - Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio, The Eternal Daughter, Three Thousand Years of Longing

Destigmatizing Fatness Award The Whale (in some ways but also mostly not) Three Thousand Years of Longing (in some ways but also mostly not) Piggy (in some ways but also really mostly not)

Worst Movies

Mad God

Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore

Lightyear

Luck

Deep Water

White Noise

Hocus Pocus 2

Halloween Ends

Ambulance

Scream (2022)

Best Visuals Avatar: The Way of Water The Bad Guys Bitterbrush EO Everything Everywhere All at Once Fire of Love Puss in Boots: The Last Wish Three Thousand Years of Longing 😎

Movie That Deserves Discussion The Northman

I am usually so down for folklore, medieval period pieces, and a bunch of crazy shit happening, but for me, this was a big miss. Already discussed in my Letterboxd review.

Best Title Our Father

This was a (pretty poorly made) documentary about a religious fanatic and sick-in-the-head fertility doctor who fraudulently used his own sperm to impregnate over 100 women. So, Our Father. I’ve always been a sucker for a double meaning, but damn.

Worst Title Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery

Remember the megahit Knives Out? Well now there’s a sequel; it’s called Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery. It is the sequel to Knives Out.

Worst Line “That’s a great time hack! Thank you kindly” -One of the witches in Hocus Pocus 2, not 10 seconds after struggling to pronounce the word lotion (“loh-shun, lohh-shuun”), you know, because they’re from the past and don’t know modern terms, like lotion.

Worst Restraint for the Criminally Insane The shackle around the Riddler’s neck that was so large he could have just lifted it over his dern head

Where Were the Bones?? Bones and All

Many LOLs Everything Everywhere All at Once The Menu RRR

(not too many LOLs this year)

Absent on Purpose Aftersun Causeway Elvis Living

Still Haven’t Seen I don’t remember

One cheeseburger to go. And a gift bag. Thank you for dining at Hawthorn.

#movies #layokies

0 notes

the-cat-chat · 1 year

Text

August 12, 2023

Bones and All (2022)

A young woman embarks on a 1000 mile odyssey through America where she meets a disenfranchised drifter. But all roads lead back to their terrifying pasts and to a final stand that will determine whether love can survive their otherness.

JayBell: Going into this, I knew it was a cannibalistic love story, so I made the conscious decision to have an absolutely open mind. Honestly, I don't know how anyone could possibly go into this movie without being at least a little mentally prepared.

So here's the thing. I actually do like the story. If you take away all the cannibal aspects, it's simply a coming-of-age love story. It's about a girl, on her own for the first time, trying to discover who she is and what she believes in without the influence of her parents' beliefs and expectations. And honestly, that's pretty relatable. As you grow, you are forced to decide things for yourself, the life you want to lead, what's right and wrong, and how much you should value the opinions of others.

But of course, the cannibalism is in the story, and I can't just ignore it. And trust me, I wanted to. I found this depiction of cannibalism more visually disgusting compared to the depiction of cannibalism in Fresh. I was more psychologically disgusted with Fresh because it presented cannibalism in a way that forced you to see the possibility of cannibalism in familiar foods that you've had before and enjoyed.

Don't get me wrong, in Bones and All, the sight of tearing flesh and the nasty sounds are gross, but the whole situation seemed a little too absurd and out of the realm of possibility that it almost made it all the way back around to comical. Like sure, maybe someone hides human flesh in a meatball and forces me to eat it. I can see that happening, and that idea is completely terrifying. But can I see myself chomping on some strange rando that I find at the grocery story? Thankfully, no.

If I remove any thoughts on cannibalism and just look at the coming-of-age story that's at its center, I can digest the narrative more easily (pun intended hehe). That said, there were a few grievances.

At one point, our main couple has this argument and they split up for a while. Not only did I not completely understand the root of this argument they had, the viewer doesn't get to hear their conversation when they reconnect. What made our main girl decide to come back? Does she apologize? Does he? Where has she been? Is he angry at all? Maybe this scene is more explained in the book, but I feel like it's an odd choice to not have it in the movie. Plus, the weirdo stalker cannibal following our main girl has a hair fetish or something, and I wish that was explained a bit more.

In the end, I enjoyed this movie more than I thought I would. So I consider that an accomplishment. But I also don't think I can ever see Timothee (Champala—)(Charlat—)(you-know-who) again in the same way.

Rating: 6.2/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: This movie. My gawd. I could probs write a whole book on this movie and the acting and the plot and how I literally haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since we watched it and did I mention OMYGAWD!!!

Soooo I tried reading the book knowing I had every intention of watching this movie. I couldn’t do it (now like 30% of me wishes I would’ve stuck it out a bit). And when I saw the movie on Amazon Prime when we were lost and destitute for a movie to watch- it was like the stars aligned. And I kneewww this would be weird and we’d suffer organ damage. But we did it. And I gotta say the least I’m kinda concerned.

Bc the more I think about the movie the more I think I kinda liked it. Barf 🤮 I knooowwww. What is wrong with me? Someone call the doctor I need a lobotomy!!! But yeah obviously half the time I was cringing and screaming internally and saying ewww and omigaaawd. But two things can obviously be true- and I have a love hate feeling towards this movie.

Like it was absolutely bizzaaaaare. Love that. It was so out of this world crazy and unlike anything I’ve ever seen that it was just transfixing. I wanted to know what the actual fluff was happening. And like why are they like this? And why’d her dad leave? Where’s her mom?? Sooo many questions. And like why are the cops after Lee? Where’s his dad? Was he an Eater too. Also Eater? Ew. Is that really the agreed upon name the team picked?

And the actors. Omigawd they were sooo good I loved Taylor Russell as Maren and obviously Timothée Chalamet as Lee. But let’s give the ickiest shout out to Mark Rylance as Sully. For the love of goooooodnesss. It balances on such a David Lynch Twin Peaks vibe which I love but in a horrifically unsettling way, and then maximizes to a total Forensic Files freak vibe of “someone pls get me outta here pllllssss.“ And by here I mean take me away from my brain and soul.

And the detailsssss. The way some characters have like bite marks??? Ummm okay?!? The sounds??? Barrrrrf. Like who said it was okay to unlock all my primal fear and ickiness. Bc it’s not I know I signed up for it but it’s not okay. And the fliesssss. And that poor old lady. - and she hasn’t died yet and it shows how cruel Sully is when he’s acting like he’s sooo kind. But like how when they eat her- gawd help me- And her pictures are all there in the room showing she had a life that connected her with others and she was probably someone’s granny and then all the creepy dolls bc that’s what old ladies do is collect dolls. Ahhhh!!!

I do have complaints obvi- I’m meee. Ummmm soo first thing we’re gonna glaze over is the mullet. And the weird KISS dancing scene. And then how people are cannibals. I know it’s a big one. And the weird hair rope Sully has. No. Just no. And I hate the ending- the ending’s a big no. Like a girl can’t just work in a bookshop and be a cannibal with her boyfriend. And Lee’s sister. 😢

Okay so I guess I kinda hated it. 😬 IDK anymore I actually feel a bit broken. But I think it is worth watching even tho it’s uncomfortable and weird bc it is bizarre and unusual and entertaining. It’s interesting too how there is meaning laid into the story so subtly bc you’re just like this is disturbing and gross why am I watching this weird stuff? Oh bc it’s actually about human connection and identity and how we all fit in together and just finding another person that understands and accepts without needing to change you? Ahhhhhhhh I can’t. Really. And that’s my essay- you can go back and forth that this is awful and oh this fit in the bigger picture like that so good, and I’ll be thinking about this movie at least once a week for the rest of my life. So yeah, question of the century, is it yay for trauma or genius!?! I haven’t a clue.

Rating: 6/10 Cats 🐈

#movie #movie review #timothée chalamet #taylor russell

1 note · View note

niuxita21 · 2 years

Text

So, I really enjoyed doing an inventory of all the shows I watched in order to select the top 5 last year, so I decided to do it again this year, taking advantage of the fact that I’m going through a bit of a work crisis and have a lot of unintended free time. I also imposed a rule that I could only include new shows I watched this year, otherwise at the very least MSH2 and Evil would be on this list again, and that’s boring. Anyway, once again, I give you my top 5 shows of 2022.

5. Hacks (HBO Max)

It’s no surprise that this show is on here when Wanted, the show it closely reminds me of, topped my list last year. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the whole “older and younger woman are forced to work/hang together for plot reasons and start out bickering but eventually grow fond of each other” should become a trend the way the “group of teenage girls survives a plane crash in the woods/a deserted island” premise seems to have taken off. The relationship between Ava and Deborah is truly what drives the show, and I’m glad the people behind it recognize it to the point of referring to it as a “love story” in some media outlets. However, this show does have a leg up on Chelsea and Lola from Wanted in that 1) Ava is actually bi and 2) her attraction to Deborah has been acknowledged in canon, all of which makes their dynamic VERY interesting. I’m very excited to see where the writers take it in season 3 with the starting point of them working separately for the first time, and I hope this show manages to steer clear of whatever dumpster fire is going on over at HBO Max. *fingers crossed emoji*

4. Only Murders in the Building (Hulu)

(No illustrations because I still haven’t finished it, boo.)

I know, I didn’t think this would be my type of show what with its 2:1 male to female lead character ratio and complete lack of lesbians (no, Cara Delevingne’s character’s 2-second guest spot doesn’t count), but what hooked me was the unlikely dynamic between Oliver, Charles, and Mabel, which is a weird hybrid between fathers/daughter and BFFs that I really enjoy. That plus the whole murder-mystery aspect was what made it must-see TV for me in the second half of this year. Very excited to see more of my favourite weird, dumb little family getting into EVEN MORE trouble in season 3.

3. Yellowjackets (Showtime)

Again, no surprise this show is here when the other show I dubbed as “Lost with teenage girls” (The Wilds) also made it into my list last year. However, I do think this show is more deserving of that title, purely because of the way it got me staying up late reading all sorts of theories and how haunting some episodes were. Super stoked to be getting at least TWO more seasons of whatever batshit insanity the writers come up with to explain the “how cannibalism” and “why cannibalism” of it all (even if I will forever be bitter by the casting of adult Van and the gross torpedoing of only the hottest married lesbian couple on TV since Stef and Lena *cough*). The sole fact that THAT is the main premise is just... absolutely bonkers, lmao. Your fave gritty, male-dominated, Emmy-bait shows could never.

2. The Mallorca Files

From being harmlessly entertained by it, to becoming absolute T R A S H for its lead crime-solving duo in the span of a short dance sequence, to the crushing despair upong finding out it had been left incomplete courtesy of the pandemic and might not even get another season, to the soaring excitement of the season 3 announcement, this show put me through a rollercoaster of emotions this year. But now I’m just happy that the COVID-truncated season 2 won’t be the last we see of the hottest crime-fighting pairing this side of the Atlantic. I mean, realistically, it’s just your typical upbeat, Castle-esque crime drama with the standard bickering lead m/f duo, except with the added value of bilingualism (well, sometimes), with honourable mention to the lead actors’ commendable yet adorable efforts to get the Spanish pronounciation right (seriously, I want Elen Ryhs’s pronounciation of “García” as my ringtone. Oof); the gorgeous Mallorca setting, which ALMOST justifies the Airbnbs costing 1000 dollars a night in the summer (not that I’m speaking from experience or anything); and, most importantly, HEIGHT DIFFERENCE. It also pretty much cemented what is clearly my “type” of late when it comes to hettys I will become absolute trash for against my better judgment (namely, tall(er) handsome goofball + hot gringa. See also: Rollins/Carisi and Magnum/Higgins). It’s good to know that, even in my mid-thirties, I still find ways to surprise myself. So yeah, if you know me, you can pretty much guess why such a run-of-the-mill crime drama is so high up on my list. But if you’re into that sort of thing, you should definitely check it out. At the very least, it will put a smile on your face.

1. Mine (Netflix)

A K-drama on my top 5 shows of 2022 list?? It’s more likely than you’d think! I wasn’t interested in K-dramas for a long time because I thought they were all romances and that’s extremely boring to me. However, after a friend of mine introduced me to them via one show that was all about female-bonding with zero romance/love interests, I started to understand the appeal, and this show marks the fourth K-drama that I’ve watched in little over one year. The moment I heard through the grapevine that this show included lesbians, I decided I needed to check it out but, as usual, that ended up being the least interesting part of the show for me given that the actual plot involved none other than one of my FAVOURITE neo-tropes (namely, woman gets attached to a child that is not her own and needs to fight tooth and nail for her right to be their mother), with the added twist of the typical adoptive mom/child/bio mom familial love triangle turning into a Harold-adjacent, two-mom situation AND a trio of complex, three-dimensional leading ladies who, despite maybe not completely liking each other at the best of times, were 100% down for teaming up to bring down trash men. It’s like this show reached into my brain and took notes of EXACTLY what to put in to get me completely obsessed with it. I’m having a hard time dealing with the pesky K-drama custom of shows having only one season because like, what am I supposed to do with my life now???? WHERE will I find another ice queen lesbian character that can threaten to kill a man without breaking a sweat???? Life is pain.

#woo this was fun!#thoughts no one cares about

0 notes

jww-archive · 2 years

Text

SILENT NIGHT / self para when / christmas 2022 who / @vannrichmond

When he started to stir, June rolled over onto him more. His voice was a low grumble of her name and something about getting up which she broke with kisses. It was still dark. It was always dark when he started to get up, and she always tried to persuade him to stay a little longer in bed. It was a routine they have fine tuned over the years. Some days she was much more persistent, and today was one of them. Her lips were at his neck, and she said, “Merry Christmas, baby.”

If he wasn’t in the process of caving of then, he did then as his arms went around her and they became a tangled mess of limbs of sheets until the sunlight streamed in.

Vann was half on her now. His chin on her shoulder, not asleep but content as she gently scraped her fingers through his hair. He had great hair. The strands were fine and soft like a puppy but he had so much of it. He shifted and glanced up at her. “Are you going to let me out of bed yet?”

Looking back down at him, she smiled. Her fingers stilled in his hair. “You don’t seem to be too pressed to be here.”

Vann rolled his eyes. She hoped their kids got his eyes. “You are pretty good at persuading when it suits you.”

“It’s Sunday anyway,” June said with a crooked smile. She quit combing his hair and was just looking at him. “This is our first Christmas like this.”

Vann nodded. “Could’ve spent Thanksgiving like this but instead I slept on the floor of your grandparents house.”

“That was all you. Could’ve slept in the bed.”

He gave her a look. “No. I couldn’t have. You would’ve made a move.”

“We’re married.”

“Not having sex in your grandparents house that’s weird and you know it.”

“They would love nothing else than to know their their future great grand baby was conceived there,” June said with a huff. That might have been a stretch of the truth but he always got really overly professional when around family. Barely wanted to touch her. She was lucky if he’d hold her hand. And for June, who thrived off his small touches or impromptu kisses, it felt wrong.

“You’re gross,” Vann yawned. Most of the vitriol of him arguing with her or making fun of her was muted when it came to lazy mornings like this. Her fingers went back to scratching lightly along his scalp and he sighed. “June, we’re never gonna get up if you keep on with that.”

She considered for a long moment. This felt like a present in a way. Happy, warm, relaxed, satisfied except for the hunger that was now knocking at her rib cage. As he looked up at her again, meeting her stare, he heaved a sigh and said, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Sunday mornings, he reminded her of a house cat. He tucked his lethality away, his fierce independence, and these few hours he was something of domesticated. It made it special. That he was able to something of abandon his very core to slip into the little bubble of safety and let his very self just rest. She smiled at that.

“Okay, baby. Let’s do breakfast and presents,” she conceded at last and let him withdraw from her, even if she did watch him for a minute before he padded off to the bathroom.

—

Christmas was always a lazy day. A peaceful one. The last time they spent Christmas together he was on pills and she was trying to smile through it. She remembered he was so ornery that she left him in the house and went down to the barn to groom Duck. It was a private day, in her mind. Thanksgiving was for the family but Christmas was theirs. They didn’t do much of anything. Just opened presents and read books and they went for a walk after eating too much. She then put listings of houses in front of him and made him pick which ones they were going to see the next week. This house was starting to make her skin itch in a strange sense. They didn’t belong in it. They belonged somewhere else. Somewhere where they could walk down and occupy half their day with something worthwhile instead of doing nothing.

And now she was curled up on the couch beside the fireplace with a blanket and a book and a glass of wine. The book was closed, Vann was fucking with the fire, muttering something and she was just watching him.

When he finally got done putting the new log on, and settled back into his spot beside her, she handed him back his glass of whiskey. His hand landed on her foot over the blanket and like he always did, he pressed his thumb into her arch and she felt her spine give away. He wasn’t really looking at her. He was looking at the fire and somewhere else.

Blurting out, she went, “Vann, I want a baby.”

He jerked his eyes back to her, “Why? This is pretty good right now. Why ruin it? Plus, we’re too old.”

“We’re not too old. You’re still riding broncs,” June said with a roll of her eyes.

He was looking at her, trying to decide if she was joking, but she’d never told him she wanted a baby, only that she wanted them one day and wanted a big family. But that was a long time ago and he drank a lot since then.

“That’s different. I won’t be like fifty when they graduate.”

“Okay, first of all, you won’t be fifty,” she sighed.

“I dunno. College drop out and never went.”

“Don’t try to side track me,” June said, glancing from him to the fire and back again. “It’s time. I’m not touring, you��re probably on the road again, it’s good.”

“June, I don’t know…” he seemed to trail off. Maybe a little apprehensive for a guy who made a living climbing down into chutes onto rank ass horses. There was no fight there. He’d always cave if she asked twice, a power she wielded with great respect.

“I know. But I’ve wanted kids for years.”

He hadn’t stopped looking at her. Just starting into her eyes like he was looking for even a slight doubt. But there wasn’t one. He just slowly nodded. “When do you want to have it?”

Odd question. She looked at him and shrugged. “I was thinking after the NFR. Then it makes it easier, no worries, you know.” It eliminated the feeling he’d get and miss rodeos and she didn’t want that. She didn’t want to rob him of his dream and fatherhood too soon. He rubbed a hand through the hair along his jawline. She squinted at him, “Are you… figuring out the timeline of when to…?”

“Well —“

“Damn farmers and ranches,” June said under her breath. “Stop calculating like I am a heifer.”

“It’s called planning,” he said with a grin.

#( self para. )

1 note · View note

animebw · 2 years

Text

Short Reflection: Spring 2022 Anime

It is truly astonishing how good anime has been lately. Every season, I go in thinking, “well, there’s no way this is gonna live up to the incredibly high bar last season yet.” And every time, I’m proven wrong. Spring 2022 was a smorgasbord of excellent shows from start to finish, and even better, it was a smorgasbord of diverse excellence. No matter what kind of anime you most prefer, whether action, adventure, romance, drama, comedy, or even sports, this season gave you at least one show to really look forward to every week. And if you’re someone like me who pretty much likes anything as long as it’s done well? Then lord, I hope you’re ready to kiss your free time goodbye, because there’s a metric ass-ton of worthwhile anime from this season you need to catch up on. Don’t worry, summer’s looking pretty thin, you’ll have plenty of free time. So sit back, relax, and let me guide you through the good, the bad, and the truly brilliant that was anime in spring 2022.

The Rising of the Shield Hero Season 2: 2.5/10

Listen, it not like I was expecting this to be any good. Shield Hero has always been an absolute garbage fire of an anime, and the only reason I’m still keeping up with it is morbid curiosity at just how bad it’s gonna get. But I don’t think anyone, fans or haters alike, were really expecting just how lazy season 2 ended up being. Huge chunks of content have clearly been compressed into far too short a timespan, things happen with no rhyme or reason, huge events are glossed over or skipped entirely, and almost nothing that happens here feels connected to what was happening before. I guess maybe it was trying to pull a Hunter x Hunter Chimera Ant Arc where the story takes a diversion and spends the next significant stretch of time in a mostly self-contained one-off adventure, but it does such a terrible job justifying its existence that the entire thing comes of as a giant waste of time. Not that the main story was any good to begin with, but at least it felt like it had a reason to exist. A terrible, shitty, incel-pandering reason, but a reason nonetheless. Which makes it even more bizarre how this season actually tries to reign its more toxic aspects in, almost like the author finally realized that having the relatable protagonist be a literal slave owner might be a bad look and tried to course-correct midstream. Not that it succeeded all that well but, you know, an attempt was made. I dunno, man, this was just crap. But at least it was crap in a more interesting way than I was expecting, and with a show like Shield Hero, you really can’t ask for more than that.

In the Heart of Kunoichi Tsubaki: 3.5/10

Those of you who’ve been reading my blog for any stretch of time probably know that Teasing Master Takagi-san is one of my favorite rom-coms of recent years. It’s so goddamn adorable I feel like my cheeks are going to fall off whenever I watch it. Unfortunately, that same charm is nowhere to be found in this adaptation of a manga from the same author. The whole premise of a village of ninja girls who’ve never seen a man and yet one starts getting romantic feelings towards them rests on this weird assumption that once a girl hits puberty, she’s just inherently going to conform to heterosexual capitalist standards for how one should view love and desire. The protagonist literally has no frame of reference for the opposite sex and yet she gets all gushy over them like she burns through ten shoujo romance manga a week. And don’t get me started on how this show doesn’t seem to realize that gay and aro/ace people exist. Girls falling for guys is just treated as innate to everyone (and yet there’s weirdly a lot of yuribaiting as well? Not sure how that makes sense). Add to that the incredibly skimpy outfits on a cast of girls who are all, like, ten years old, and the whole thing comes off just as gross as Akebi’s Sailor Uniform last season. God, Cloverworks really needs to put its talents to better use.

Love After World Domination: 4.5/10

I honestly feel bad for Love After World Domination. It’s a unique enough twist on a rom-com- the hero of a super sentai team starts a relationship with the bad guys’ smoking hot second in command and they date on the down-low- and despite my fears that the premise could only sustain a few episode at most, it remained fresh throughout its run. In any ordinary season of anime, I think I would’ve been way more positive towards this show. But this was no ordinary season of anime. This was a season stuffed to the gills with stellar rom-coms, rom-coms that blow literally everything about Love After World Domination out of the water. It’s not as well animated as Kaguya-sama, not as consistently funny as Demon Girl Next Door, and nowhere near as adorable as Komi-san. And compared against those titans, its charms become harder to appreciate, while its flaws- the main couple isn’t really interesting outside of being a couple, there are too many eye-rolling fetish characters- become much more apparent. Perhaps in another timeline this show could’ve been able to work its magic, but as is, it sadly must settle for being the least interesting rom-com in a season bursting with them.

Deaimon: Recipe for Happiness: 4.5/10

So, remember Barakamon? Remember how that show’s premise was an idiot failson moving away from the big city to rediscover his passion while unexpectedly becoming a surrogate dad figure to a young girl? Well, Deaimon feels like it’s trying to recapture that same magic, albeit as a much more low-key tempo. This isn’t the boisterous, lively countryside that defined Barakamon; this is a chilled-out, pleasantly sedate depiction of life at a family-run bakery in the middle of Kyoto. It’s a show you watch not for the plot, but for a weekly dose of mellow vibe and interesting facts about wagashi, the art of traditional Japanese sweets. And I’m hypothetically down for that; unfortunately, Deaimon has a few too many imperfections to really hit the mood it’s going for. Too much time is spent getting to know characters that don’t really matter, too little time is spent on what should be the central relationship between Nagomu and Itsuka, and the show has an awkward understanding of how people talk to each other, resulting in a few scenes that dip into the uncanny valley of human communication. It’s too weightless to be unpleasant, but it’s too unfocused to really leave any sort of impact. Just re-watch Barakamon if you’re in the mood for this kind of show.

Heroines Run the Show: 5/10

God, what a fucking disappointment this turned out to be. Five episodes in, I was fully prepared to call Heroines Run the Show the hidden gem of the season. A wholesome shoujo-adjacent male idol anime that managed to make me cry at the climax of its first arc? With a protagonist voiced by Inori Minase and a cast of lovable characters? I should’ve been able to tell you all this was a feel-good delight that you shouldn’t let slip under your radar. But then the middle of the show gets a little shaky as it tries to explore the pressure put on girls to be cute and almost ends up glorifying it? Except it ends on a good note that avoids the arc’s more worrying aspects, so it seemed like we were still sailing smoothly. But then the final arc tries to tackle overly obsessed idol fans, and it shits the bed so hard it retroactively makes the entire show worse. It has been a long time since I’ve seen an anime self-destruct as badly as Heroines Run the Show, and all the good feelings I used to have about it are now curdled into frustration and anger. As good as that first half was, I can’t in good conscience recommend it anymore thanks to how disgustingly it all turns out. What a fucking waste.

A Couple of Cuckoos (1st Half): 5/10

Sound the alarm, folks: I’m enjoying a harem anime! Sort of. Kinda. Okay, look, it’s probably telling that all the worst parts of A Couple of Cuckoos are the parts intrinsically tied to being a harem anime in the first place. The forced excuses for fanservice, the eye-rolling notion that multiple girls would fall in love with the same potato loser, the fact that the prospective romantic partners include the protagonist’s stepsister god dammit anime why do you keep doing this. Suffice to say, this show is victim to most of its genre’s inherent flaws, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. You know what else it has, though? Snappy dialogue, surprisingly fun characters, believable and diverse chemistry between the entire main cast, and even some decent drama around the central conceit of blood families vs. adopted families and how different people fit into that paradigm. Take away the harem aspect, and this would be a damn entertaining little high school comedy with enough charm and genuine heart to stick with you. But, well, it is a harem, so all that good stuff has to come packaged with a heaping helping of Anime Bullshit (derogatory). I’ll stick it out to see if the second half picks up at all, but for now, you’re better off waiting to see how it all shakes out before giving this one a shot.

Healer Girl: 5/10

As a longtime theater nerd, I’ve often dreamed of the day we finally got a broadway-style musical anime. Not just an idol show where the songs are all performed in-universe (or idol-adjacent shows like Symphogear or Revue Starlight), but a show where the characters break into full-on song and dance at the drop of a hat to express what they’re feeling. Well, the wait is finally over. Here, at last, is an anime where any conversation can break out into singing and any scene can become a rousing three-part harmony. The musical anime of my dreams has arrived, and its name is Healer Girl. Eeeeeeexcept half of its songs are still performed in-universe anyway, while the songs that do follow the broadway formula are mostly just inconsequential fluff about random moments that don’t really matter. And the show built around those songs doesn’t really have much to offer on its own besides pleasant vibes and a very on-point face game. I dunno, maybe I set my expectations too high since the director of FMA Brotherhood was in charge, but Healer Girl just ends up feeling like a half measure all around. It’s charming enough that I can’t really dislike it, but it’s too insubstantial and unambitious to leave any sort of impact.

Shikimori’s Not Just a Cutie: 5.5/10

So I went on a bit of a roller-coaster ride with this show. Before I watched it, I assumed it would just be another bland seasonal waifu show about selling a marketable girl to the lowest common denominator. Then I started watching it, and I was shocked by how invested I became. Izumi and his princely girlfriend Shikimori had the kind of meaningful chemistry that so few of these “start when the couple is already dating” anime have, and the fun supporting cast had me hyped for a pleasant rom-com delight. But then as I kept watching, it sort of became exactly the show I was afraid it was going to be. Episode after episode suffered from bland characterization and lowest-effort-imaginable scenario building, to the point that it became hard to remember what had happened in any given episode even minutes after I finished watching it. But then the show’s second half starting picking things right back up, and by the time we reached the final episode, it was probably the best version of itself it had ever been. Suffice to say, Shikimori’s Not Just a Cutie is a weirdly complicated show to talk about for how simple it is. All I can say for sure is that when it is on, it damn well holds its own in a very stacked rom-com season, and perhaps that’s enough to be worth giving it a look.

Aharen-san wa Hakarenai: 6.5/10

I think it’s safe to call Aharen-san wa Hakarenai (Loosely translated, it means “Aharen is hard to understand”) the sleeper hit of spring 2022. In a season absolutely lousy with high-profile, high-effort rom-coms, this low-key lark about two weird kids bringing out the best in each other could’ve easily slipped through the cracks. But even without gorgeous production values, a riveting story, or truly outrageous comedy, Aharen-san proved to have real staying power. And I can see why, because while it can’t hold a candle to the likes of Kaguya-sama and Komi-san, this silly little show really struck a chord with me. Most of its humor comes from its deadpan co-protagonists as they bumble through ridiculous scenario after ridiculous scenario without so much as raising an eyebrow, and it hits far more often than it misses. But moreso than its understated goofiness, this show’s secret weapon is its casual, heartwarming acceptance of, well, difference. The titular Aharen reads pretty heavily as on the spectrum, her little brother like to cross-dress with her clothing, there’s a handful of pretty explicitly queer side characters, and the show treats them all with affirmation and kindness. It’s really damn wholesome, and as long as you’re not burned out from rom-coms this season, it’s well worth checking out.

Requiem of the Rose King (2nd Half): 7/10

It’s a damn shame it took Requiem of the Rose King so long to find its footing. The first half, as much as I liked it, was so cramped and inconsistent that it lost most of its audience before it really hit its stride. Well, let me tell you now: if you dropped this show? Pick it back up. Give it another shot. Because once it reaches its second half and timeskips to start re-imagining the events of the Richard III play itself, Requiem of the Rose King becomes really goddamn good. The story has more room to breathe, the machinations of the royal court work better with the show’s limited animation than the battle-heavy first half, and watching all these characters drawn inexorably towards their fate makes for the kind of gripping tragedy you rarely see these days. All of which culminates in a final episode that may well end up being one of the best finales in all of anime this year. Just be aware that this show comes with, like, all the content warnings, as it contains depictions of homophobia, transphobia, sexual assault, and arguably suicidal ideation. If you can stomach a story that tackles such difficult subject matter (not always perfectly, but better than most), then I cannot recommend it highly enough.

Bubble: 7/10

Bubble is the kind of project that was just inevitably going to be awesome from the moment it was conceived. A Weathering With You-inspired supernatural blockbuster romance with Tetsuro Araki in the director’s chair, Gen Urobuchi working on the script, and Hiroyuki Sawano providing the soundtrack? I’m pretty sure the laws of physics make it literally impossible for something like that to turn out anything less than cool as shit. And Bubble certainly is cool at shit, a film of staggering beauty that puts Araki’s trademark hyper-kinetic visual eye to fantastic use. From the gorgeous landscapes to the pulse-pounding midair parkour sequences that define this movie’s action, from the highly expressive character animation to the bonkers spectacle of the final act, Bubble is a feast for the senses in the way that only masters of their craft can truly pull off. The story, sadly, is nothing to write home about; it’s a pretty generic and cliched affair, even if it pulls all those cliches off reasonably well. But that audiovisual splendor still makes it well worth a watch. Turns out you can get away with an uninspired script when the spectacle that script brings to life is this damn good.

Ao Ashi (1st Half): 7.5/10

Do you miss Haikyuu? I miss Haikyuu. And if you’re anything like me, you’ve spent the years since season 4 searching desperately for a sports anime that scratches the same itch, only to come up heartbreakingly short every time. Well, suffer no longer, folks, because Ao Ashi is everything you’ve been waiting for. Okay, it doesn’t look as good as Haikyuu; its workmanlike production doesn’t allow for the kind of orgasmic sakuga heights that made Haikyuu such a breathtaking spectacle. But otherwise? This is everything I’ve been missing about my good volleyball boys. An expansive cast of characters who we get to know naturally over the course of time! An obvious deep knowledge and love for the sport being portrayed (soccer, in this case) and how its mechanics affect the story’s thematic trajectory! A hothead protagonist who must learn to broaden his horizons to achieve his full potential! A soaring soundtrack that would make Haikyuu composer Yuuki Hayashi proud! It’s even got a decent female supporting cast; Hana Ichijou is my precious daughter and I would die for her. Time will tell if the series’ second cours can push it to true greatness, but for now, if you’ve been looking to fill the Haikyuu-shaped hole in your heart, I cannot recommend Ao Ashi enough.

The Executioner and Her Way of Life: 7.5/10

It finally happened, folks. We finally have another genuinely great isekai. After so many piles of crap and utterly unmemorable pieces of cardboard, this genre turned out something awesome. And all it had to do was literally murder the self-insert male MC in the first episode so it could transform into a rip-roaring yuri action/adventure edgefest. To be clear, though, that kind of subversive brilliance isn’t the only reason I fell for The Executioner and Her Way of Life (but seriously, holy shit was that a great way to kick the usual isekai tropes to the curb). No, what makes this show work is because it has what basically every other isekai lacks: a good goddamn story. The setting is fully realized with its own unique culture, it incorporates the concept of being an isekai world into its worldbuilding in some truly fascinating ways, and the plot perfectly captures the Re:Zero appeal of wild twists cascading on top of each other in rapid succession as they recontextualize what you’ve already seen to fantastic effect. Not that this show is quite as good as Re:Zero- as much as I love Akari and Menou, their story so far hasn’t even neared the heights of Subaru’s journey toward self-actualization- but with how fucking wretched this genre usually is, I’m not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth. Bottom line, Executioner kicks ass, and if we can somehow get four seasons of that fugly skeleton show, then we have no excuse not to keep this one rolling for at least a few seasons more.

Ya Boy Kongming: 7.5/10

Generally speaking, when you get a show with a premise as bonkers as “Legendary Chinese strategist from the Three Kingdoms era gets reincarnated in modern Japan and becomes the manager of an aspiring pop idol,” there’s one of two possibilities. The first possibility is that the creators are just throwing weird shit at the wall for a cheap, cynical attempt at quirky brand recognition. The second possibility, however strange it might seem, is that they actually know what they’re doing. And I’m thrilled to say that Ya Boi Kongming is firmly in the latter camp. It’s a hilarious, heartfelt celebration of the power of music, chasing your dreams, and what it taking to become your best self, full of lovable characters, spectacular song performances, and just the right amount of batshit insanity to compliment such a wacky premise. It honestly makes me feel bad for Zombieland Saga; as much as I’ve enjoyed both seasons of that show, Ya Boi Kongming feels like the fully actualized version of what Zombieland could never quite achieve. I hope PA Works keeps this adaptation going, because these are the kind of good vibes I want to carry with me for many years to come.

Birdie Wing Season 1: 7.5/10

Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. How the hell could an anime about golf- the most boring sport to ever exist- be in any way interesting? Well, I could try and explain it. I could explain how beautifully, confidently ridiculous it is at every turn. I could explain how it hits that pitch-perfect sweet spot of camp where it takes itself completely seriously despite running on the most batshit insane logic imaginable. I could explain how it mines incredible comedy just by using such a dull game as the high-stakes currency of cutthroat underground mafia schemes with enough bonkers future technology to make Seto Kaiba blush. I could even explain how it’s Actually Gay and that automatically makes it a must-watch. But really, no words can do justice to the magic of Birdie Wing. This is a show that must be seen to be believed. So instead, I’ll just ask you to watch this clip from the first episode:

youtube

This is maybe the twentieth most over-the-top thing that happens in Birdie Wing.

Got it? Good. Now go watch this damn thing already.

Dance Dance Danseur: 7.5/10

At first glance, Dance Dance Danseur feels like Mappa's attempt to recapture the Yuri on Ice magic of gorgeously animated bodies in motion. And it certainly accomplishes that: from the animation to the direction to the sound design, the way this show brings the art of classical ballet to life is absolutely stunning. But make no mistake, Dance Dance Danseur is a very different beast than its most obvious comparison. This is a show full of flawed people, immature teenagers who make immature mistakes against a backdrop far more vicious and honest about the world’s evils than I expected going in. It’s a story that dives headfirst into bullying, toxic masculinity, parental abuse, the systemic rot of the ballet world itself, and ways that artists striving for greatness, especially young artists, suffer and hurt each other in pursuit of finding what drives them forward. Does it pull it off perfectly? Fuck no. At times, the choices the characters make are so frustrating you want to reach through the screen and punch them. But as difficult as this show can be to sit through, it makes for some of the most realistic and compelling drama you’re likely to watch all year, drama only heightened by just how god damn gorgeous it all looks. It’s definitely not for everyone, but it’s well worth a look for anyone who can appreciate a story this jagged-edged.

The Demon Girl Next Door Season 2: 8/10

Ganbare, Shamiko! God, I’m so happy this show is back. The Demon Girl Next Door is one of the most underrated anime of the past decade, a gag comedy about a modern-day demon girl who accidentally seduces befriends the magical girl she’s supposed to be mortal enemies with and sets out to try and solve the issues that have left them both in dire straits. What makes this show great, beyond its incredibly fast-moving jokes that take great advantage of the anime’s limited resources, is just how damn good it is as building real emotional meaning into the story those jokes underlie. Few shows are this good at building compelling drama out of people trying to help each other, and while it never grows so heavy that it stops being a comedy first and foremost, that empathetic undercurrent gives this goofy little gag anime a way of really sinking its claws into you. If there’s one big flaw I can criticize it for, this second season makes it pretty clear just how much less compelling the supporting cast is than the two leads. Sure, they’ve all got their own charms, but every plotline that doesn’t involve Shamiko and Momo trying to out-gay each other is a plotline that would really be better spent on Shamiko and Momo trying to out-gay each other. Regardless, I had a blast with season 2, and I hope we haven’t seen the last of these adorable idiots yet.

Spy x Family: 8/10

Was there ever any doubt that Spy x Family was going to be a blockbuster hit? One of the most popular manga of the modern era, adapted by two of the most high-quality anime studios in the business (at least when they’re not destroying themselves with overwork)? You couldn’t get a more surefire success if you tried. And yes, surprising no one, I fell in love with Spy x Family just as much as everyone else. A master spy, a legendary assassin, and a telepathic orphan must forge a fake family for the sake of the spy’s mission, each one hiding their true identity from each other and doing their best to blend in to “normal” society, despite the fact that none of them have a damn clue what being normal actually entails. It’s a fantastic premise executed to near perfection, and the only real negative thing I can say against it (well, aside from the one creepy siscon character) is that this first season has left me unbearably impatient for it to get even better than it already is. This is a show that’s going to end up an all-time classic, and if you somehow haven’t checked it out already, consider this your call to give it a shot. It may not end up on your favorites list, but it’s basically impossible not to fall the slightest bit in love with.

Vampire in the Garden: 8.5/10

I’ll admit, I may be biased on this one. The concept of a post-apocalyptic lesbian vampire frostpunk road trip is so stupidly up my alley, I’d be shocked if I didn’t fall head over heels for it. But fuck it, this is my list, I make the rules. And even putting my personal preferences aside, Vampire in the Garden is fucking spectacular. It’s every bit the gorgeous, tragic melodrama you could ask for, telling the story of a human girl and a vampire queen who flee their warring species together in search of a paradise where they can all live as one people. The action is riveting, the worldbuilding is enthralling, and the bond that forms between Momo and Fine as they travel- and the fascinating way their arcs parallel each other in reverse- sucked me in and broke my heart in a thousand beautiful ways. It’s a fucking crime this OVA only had 5 episodes to tell its story; with a full cours to flesh out the actual journey and explore more interesting pockets of the world, this could’ve been right up there with Wolf’s Rain in the pantheon of anime’s post-apocalyptic masterworks. But even these 5 episodes are more than incredible enough for me to demand all of you to check it out. Studio Wit just does not miss, people.

Kaguya-sama Season 3: 8.5/10

Recently, I’ve come to the conclusion that if I had to choose between compelling protagonists or a compelling supporting cast, I would take the compelling protagonists. Sure, ideally one shouldn’t have to choose, but if the characters at the core of the story are fantastic enough to earn my investment, then I’ll likely gravitate to that story more than if the supporting cast outshines them. And that probably explains why Kaguya-Sama, as incredible a show as it’s become, isn’t going to end up on my favorites list anytime soon. To be clear, Kaguya and Shirogane aren’t bad protagonists by any stretch, and by the climax of season 3′s well-earned romantic buildup, I can finally say I’m invested in them as a couple as well. But I don’t come to this show for the romance at its core. I come for Chika’s batshit insane antics. I come for Ishigami’s shockingly compelling struggle to re-invent himself as a decent human being. I come for Hayasaka flexing on everyone, everywhere, all at once. And, of course, I come for the gonzo visual experimentation that’s quickly making this show second only to Nichijou in the pantheon of anime comedies that use incredible animation to wring maximum hilarity out of every joke. There are endless things to love about Kaguya-Sama; it’s just that Kaguya-Sama herself is probably the least of them. And that’s why, as good as season 3 is, there’s another rom-com that ended up snatching my Anime of the Season trophy right from under its nose...

Komi-san Can’t Communicate Season 2: 9/10

Alright, look: is this show’s supporting cast astronomically weaker than Kaguya-sama’s? Yes. Does it suffer from cast bloat that makes it hard to develop many of its characters beyond one-note jokes? Absolutely. Is Yamai Ren one of the worst... things to happen to anime since Mineta? Boy, you fucking know it. And yet none of that changes the fact that every time I put on an episode of Komi-san Can’t Communicate and see Komi and Tadano adorkably flailing their way through social interaction, my blood sugar levels spike hard enough to put me into cardiac arrest. God, I fucking love these two. I love how this show portrays their journey through self-betterment and self-acceptance. And watching Komi truly start to find her voice in season 2, literally and figuratively, was an experience I wouldn’t trade for anything. At its best, this show is a celebration of the ways that people come together, how we cross the seemingly impossible barriers of social interaction and forge companionship in a million different ways. It’s an achingly sweet, achingly sincere love letter to everyone who’s ever felt a little bit different, a promise that some day, with a little hard work, everyone is sure to find the place where they belong. And for all of its unevenness, that earnestness never fails to make Komi-san Can’t Communicate one of the most delightful watching experiences anime’s ever given us. Now bring on season 3, because if we don’t get to see these goobers actually start dating I will riot.

20 notes · View notes

iwannawritelots · 2 years

Text

Scarred

Originally written March 2022

Masterlist

Ship(s): Asmodeus X MC

(genderless MC)

Trigger/content warnings: acne descriptions, acne/skin picking depictions, spoilers for the “Focus on Me” Devilgram, scarring, mention of having sex with Asmo in the past but nothing NSFW or detailed, self-consciousness, self-image issues

Headcanons/notes from the author: I took a lot of liberty with magic being in this universe, okay? Okay. Also just general headcanons about how demons and angels heal from wounds lol.

Brief Blurb: MC is picking at their acne, and gets self-conscious when Asmodeus catches them doing so.

There wasn’t anything to be ashamed of when it came to your skin, logically. However, logic wasn’t exactly a dominent practice in your anxiety-ridden mind. Despite him never saying anything to make you think you were ugly or gross for your appearance, being around Asmodeus seemed to make you feel that way sometimes. You knew his obsessive behavior about his looks probably came from similar feelings of anxiety, ugliness, and lack of confidence… but he never let anyone see that part of him.

Sometimes you could get him to say something about it, but all he would really say is “that’s the not so fabulous side of me” or something to that effect before changing the subject. It really frustrated you, as if you were talking to a wall. The worst part was, he would always listen to and reassure you about your insecurities, but you could never return it properly. You loved him very much, so it was starting to get really concerning.

On this particular day, you had been distracted by picking at yourself in the mirror while in only a towel. Acne and random blackheads on your shoulders, face, stomach… wherever you found them, you just decided to squeeze them until the substance came out. You had forgotten Asmo was in the other room, and he gasped when he walked in on you. “Baby, what are you doing?”

“Oh… sorry, this probably grosses you out…” you mumbled, quickly stopping and feeling your face flush red. “I didn’t mean—”

“I hope you washed your hands before you did that. Doesn’t it hurt?” Asmo furrowed his eyebrows before coming closer to inspect the bloody recently popped pimples on your shoulders. “Let me take care of you, _____.”

You blinked at him in confusion, eyebrows knitting together and throat making a weird noise. “Um… You don’t have to do that if you think it’s gross, it’s okay…”

Sighing, Asmodeus shook his head and frowned. “Don’t be silly.” He began to dig through his bathroom drawers to find human-friendly products to treat you with, holding his towel up.

“Asmo—”

“Do you really think I’m repulsed by things that easily?” There was a twinge of hurt in his voice, but you could tell he wasn’t attempting to guilt trip you with the question.

“Well… You’re just so self-critical of your appearance that it’s difficult to not assume you’ll think the same of me, Asmo.” You watched him as you spoke, not wanting to make him upset. “I just really have trouble with it, since you cry at the thought of being ugly…”

Asmo stopped what he was doing. You waited for him to say something or move, but he just stared at himself in the bathroom mirror. Before you could say more, he muttered, “I don’t think that with anyone else. Only me, okay? I promise.” His voice was soft, shaky, and small. You couldn’t recall him sounding so vulnerable before, not like this. “You’re ethereal, the jewel of the heavens, in my eyes. I really only worry about your pain when I see you pick at yourself.”

A gentle smile took over your face and you laid a hand on his back. “Thank you. I love you, Asmo. I think you’re beautiful no matter what.”

“I’m not sure if you should say that,” he mumbled, looking up at you sheepishly. “I think you’d recoil at me if you saw me without makeup on. It’s all over my body, not just my face…”

Shyly, you told him, “I did notice that the first time we had sex. I didn’t want to ask about it and make you upset.”

“I figured you did.” Asmo stood up straight, then told you quietly, “Devildom makeup stays on through pretty much anything, even bathing, unless the wearer wishes for it to come off. So when we bathe together, I don’t really… get all that clean.” He hugged himself, gaze dropping to the floor. “I’m a bit disgusting without it.”

“I don’t think that’s true.”

He let out a weak laugh. “You haven’t seen it.”

“I won’t make you show me, but I’m sure I would stand by my statement if you did,” you said gently. “You’re beautiful.”

After a moment of thought, Asmodeus turned away from you and let his towel drop to the floor, then got into the shower. You didn’t say anything, opting to sit on the bathroom stool and wait for him to be finished. Once the water was turned off, you waited for him to exit… but he didn’t. It was quiet for a moment. “_____… you promise you’ll at least be nice if I’m hideous?”

“There’s no way that’s going to be the case, but I promise.”

You listened to him sigh, patiently waiting for him to calm himself. Once he relaxed, he stepped out of the shower, not daring to look up from the floor. You couldn’t see his face behind his hair, but his body was covered with jagged, prominent scars and accompanied by stretch marks. There was a long moment of silence before you walked up to him and cupped his face. It was wet with silent tears, and you could feel heavily scarred skin underneath your palms. He meekly attempted to shy away. “I-I’m sorry… I’m so ugly…”

“Asmodeus,” you cooed, rubbing his temples with your thumbs. “You are not ugly.”

“You… haven’t even seen my face yet,” he whimpered, sniffling and trying to escape your hands. “You won’t love me anymore…”

Keeping as comforting of a tone as possible, you told him, “That’s just your anxiety talking, love.” He sniffled and shook his head, still refusing to lift it at all. “Just let me see, okay?”

He took a deep breath, then quickly tilted his face towards your own, eyes screwed tightly shut. You couldn’t believe what you beheld. Scars similar to the he thick, puffy ones on his body were also along his hairline and down to his cheeks. They weren’t nearly as thick and just heavy enough to be noticeable and textured, but it surprised you all the same. “Asmodeus, did someone do this to you…?”

“I-It’s from my facelift…” he mumbled, sniffling and squirming. “Demons heal really fast and they kept having to redo incisons… I knew that and did it anyway, so it’s r-really my own fault, but…” he choked out a sob and leaned into your hands. “I think it’s also because of M-Michael’s punishments in the Celestial Realm… no matter how many scar treatments I use, or spells, or potions… they n-never go away.”

“Asmo, hey,” you hushed him, very gently giving him a peck on the lips and then on his cheeks. “Asmo, baby… it’s okay. This doesn’t make you any less beautiful.”

Asmodeus continued bawling, but nodded to you. “I-I’ll try to believe you…”

“That’s all I ask, Asmo.” You kissed him and ran your fingers through his hair. “I love you. Don’t ever forget that, okay?”

“I l-love you too.”

#🌱#asmodeus x mc #mc x asmodeus #gn mc #asmodeus #mc #obey me! one master to rule them all #obey me! shall we date?#obey me #om #omomtrta #omswd #fanfiction #darlingficsbycinna #iwannawritelots

16 notes · View notes

bqstqnbruin · 3 years

Text

Always be my plus one - part 3

Ok, look, it's 4 am, there are going to be typos, and we're just going to have to deal with it. I also tried to find a gif that was Tyson and Cale but I couldn't find one in the gif insert thing on here so I just went with this one (it feels weird to change it up but like, oops)

I make no promises that you aren't going to be mad at me for this part so have fun !

This is shorter than the last part, coming in at around 5k words.

The only warnings I have here are implied sex.

Translations for the Italian in here: "tu sei uno stronzo" - you're an ass(hole)

stronzino - little asshole

Also want to thank @justjosty @zinka8 @hockeylvr59 @hockeywocs anons and I'm sure I'm forgetting people for helping me write this part but ily all I'm just dumb and tired

Read the previous part here!

Series masterlist

____________________

Valentine’s Day

The Feast Day of St. Valentine is traditionally celebrated in the Western Catholic Church on February 14, to honor the patron saint of love. Though not traditionally celebrated as a Catholic holiday, millions of people celebrate the day of love with those who mean the most to them. While pessimists of the day say it’s a ‘holiday made up by greeting card companies,’ approximately 190 million Valentine’s Day cards are sent in the United States alone, not including cards given by school children to their classmates. Couples enjoy the holiday with a romantic night out, presents, flowers, chocolates, etc., while those who don’t have someone or don’t care do whatever they want without the pressure of living up to a holiday that doesn’t mean very much in the grand scheme of things.

=============

February 12, 2022

“Where are you going tonight?” Matthew’s voice came through his younger sister’s phone. He had called early in the week to see if Anne could babysit Harper so he and Stephanie could do something for Valentine’s Day without having to shell out an extravagant amount of money on a sitter.

“I’m, uh,” Anne hesitates, “going out with Tyson. Sorry.” She hears Matthew let out a sigh on the other end. “Hey, stronzo, why don’t you ask Lucy? Her and Jason never do anything on Valentine’s Day.”

Matthew starts talking about how the last time he asked Lucy last minute to watch his daughter, despite their girls being best friends, she ended up going on a fifteen-minute rant. While Anne gets her heels on, staring at herself in the mirror and admiring the floor-length, red dress she had on the slit going up the side for no one but herself, Matthew continues to tell her about how his twin goes on and on about needing a schedule at all times, how she can’t just drop everything in a moment’s notice because he wants to do something with his wife.

“Hey, Matthew,” she cuts him off, trying to shrug her coat on, “Why didn’t you ask Lucy or Sebby after I said no earlier this week?”

“Because I didn’t think you actually had plans.”

“Again, tu sei uno stronzo.”

“I am not an ass!” he detests.

“Fine, you’re a stronzino, happy?” Anne hears him stammer again, not letting him get a word in, “I have to go, I’ll talk to you later, ok? Ask Ma, Dad’s off in Florida right now so she would probably love to have Harper for the night.”

He lets out another sigh, Stephanie’s voice coming through in the background despite Anne’s inability to understand what she was saying. “Fine. Have fun with Tyson. I don’t need another niece or nephew around Halloween, though, ok?”

“Don’t be gross,” she says, hanging up and finally heading out the door.

Her cousin Adriana was getting married to her soon-to-be wife, Izzy. Her family had no idea that she was the only one who still talked to them, her mother having a fight with her brother after their parents died when Anne and her siblings were younger and vowing to never talk to him again. So far, the stubbornness that seems to run through her mom’s blood going strong since it had been over a decade since she had last seen her brother. Anne was invited to Uncle Frankie’s daughter’s wedding, but no one else in her family.

Adriana and Izzy had this Valentine’s Day-themed wedding, everyone asked to wear red or pink in theme with the holiday, Anne not doubting that there would be paper hearts and cut-out cupids as the decor. The wedding gift she bought them, one of the first things she found on their registry that Anne could afford, was shipped to the apartment they already shared two weeks ago, Anne just needing to remember the card.

She was fully prepared to just sit in the corner with a bunch of people she didn’t know and watch as her cousin got married to the love of her life. Anne wasn’t sure that that side of her family would recognize her after how many years, guaranteeing her to spend her time on the sideline.

Anne slips into the back of the church, seeing no one she knew or recognized to even go up to and sit with them. Everyone was dressed in red, pink, and black. A bit too much for her own taste, but at least she looked good in red and would have worn the color anyway. ‘Note to self, no themed weddings,’ Anne thinks, not particularly fond of the lack of color or real choice that everyone had in figuring out what to wear.

A blonde boy in a red suit walks by her, too far past her to get a good look at him. There was something about him that caught her attention. Anne knew that walk, but she had no idea where she knew it from. It didn’t stop her from admiring him from afar, though, the short blonde hair and the obviously fit physique under the suit captivated her for whatever reason, leaving her practically unable to pay attention to the ceremony in front of her. Not that she cared, at this point she was just there to enjoy the free food she knew would be good at the reception later.

Anne sat at the table against the wall, her cousin not bothering to make a seating chart and just leaving it up to the guests to sit where they pleased. That meant she didn’t have to talk to anyone she didn’t want to, being virtually left alone at a wedding where she knew no one.

“Anne?” a familiar voice snaps her out of the trance she fell into watching Ana’s sister and brother-in-law, Catie and Danny dancing with their two daughters, remembering seeing their pictures on Facebook when they were born, not realizing how much they had grown.

She turns to the man in the red suit who had her attention throughout the ceremony. “Cale?” she smiles at him, not sure how the two had missed they would be at the same wedding this weekend. Since New Year's Eve, the two of them had been texting, calling, FaceTiming, they had hung out, spent the night with each other, Cale insisting he buy her dinner at least once a week. The only reason they weren’t dating each other was because neither of them had said they were. They both said they were busy this weekend, but who would have thought they would end up at the same place. “What are you doing here?”

“Izzy’s brother and I grew up playing hockey together. I grew up with her. What are you doing?” he asks her, taking the seat next to her.

“Ana’s my cousin. Her dad is my mom’s older brother.”

Cale smiles at her, Anne’s heart racing at the sight of it. “So I get to meet your family?”

Anne shakes her head. “I’m the only one here,” she tells him, explaining the family drama that went on between Frankie and Teresa.

Cale looks down at his lap, his hands fidgeting with the hem of his suit jacket. The red bowtie, red pants, red jacket even against the black shirt were so much Anne couldn’t tell if his cheeks were red because of the reflection of his clothes or for another reason. “Tyson’s met your family, hasn’t he?”

She nods, taking his hand in hers. “I told you, Tyson and I are just friends. I needed someone to come with me to a family thing, so he came with me.” Cale nods, not entirely sure that something wasn’t up with her and Tyson. Something was off, there was something he was sure Anne was leaving out, but he wasn’t sure. “Hey, I’ve seen Tyson, what, three times since New Year's? All of them when I was with you. I like you, Cale.”

Cale leans over for a kiss, his hand grazing Anne’s thigh, sending a shiver down her spine. “How about we dance like we did on New Year's?” he asks, standing from the seat, shrugging off the red jacket before he extended his hand out to her.

She rolls her eyes, getting up with him anyway. “I told you then, too, that I don’t like dancing.”

“And yet,” he says, pulling her close, his hand finding the small of her back while he presses his forehead against hers, gazing into her eyes, “you danced with me all night then, and you got up to dance with me tonight.”

Anne laughs, knowing he was right, burying her face in his shoulder, swearing she heard some camera’s clicking, probably the wedding photographer hanging around somewhere and taking pictures of the guests dancing.

“I know I have to say this about the brides when they come in,” Cale whispers in her ear, “but you are the most beautiful girl here.”

Anne could feel herself blushing, her mind flashing back to New Year’s Eve when Tyson told her she looked beautiful. He seemed so genuine saying it, Anne thinking back and not sure if he meant it or was actually pretending. But with Cale, she knew. Cale meant it. “You’re not so bad yourself,” she tells him, ghosting his lips before kissing him.

Being with Cale felt fine. Not perfect, but fine. It was right, but not correct, and Anne couldn’t figure out why.

Everyone starts clearing off the dance floor, the bridal party getting ready to come in. Cale takes Anne’s hand and leads her back to the table where he left his jacket, some other people finding their home base at the same table. Cale knew one of the men at the table, probably from their little hockey group that involved Izzy’s brother. The bridesmaids and bridesmen, as the DJ put it, started coming in, Cale leaning back with his arm slung around the back of Anne’s chair. She leaned back into him, his fingertips dancing up and down her arm as they watched everyone come in.

They watched Ana and Izzy dance their first one as wives, Anne’s stomach starting to make noise as they waited for the food to come.

Cale leans over, nervous about what he was about to whisper in her ear. “Are you hungry for food or maybe something more?”

Anne felt her entire body go numb at his words. They had been seeing each other for a month and a half already, so was what he was insinuating really that strange of an idea? “That depends.”

“On?” he asks, nibbling on her ear before kissing the skin right behind it, losing any sense of care over who at their table was potentially watching.

“On how long you think we need to wait before we can slip out without it being rude?”

Cale inhaled sharply, wishing he could say right now. “At least until they cut the cake. Unless,” he says, his hand moving up her thigh, slowly in case she decided she wanted it to stop, “Unless you wanted to try to find somewhere to sneak away to now.”

“Not for our first time,” she tells him, reaching up to cup his cheek. “And not with my family around,” she laughs.

“I’m fine with that,” he tells her, kissing her. “Your place or mine, though?”

“Well, I drove myself here.”

“And I got a ride.”

Anne smiles, crossing her legs in hopes that whatever she felt would be stifled by that simple action. “So it looks like it’s going to be mine.”

They spent the rest of the night waiting for the moment the cake was cut so they could leave as planned, Cale’s hand never leaving her leg unless he really needed both hands to do something.

Anne could feel her heart racing as she watched Ana and Izzy smash their cake in each other’s face, Anne looking over to Cale and smiling. “You wanna go?” she asks, her keys already out of her bag and in her hand.

Cale drags her out without saying a word, Anne leading him to her car. He walks over to the driver’s side, his arms wrapped around her waist with her back pressed against her car. “You’re sure about this?” he asks her, his eyes flicking between hers and her lips.

��Yeah,” she says, kissing him before he opens the door for her. She couldn’t wait to get home, sure she broke a few traffic laws as she sped back to her apartment with Cale sitting next to her in the passenger seat, his leg shaking the entire time.

They got to the elevator, Cale leaning against her against the wall with his lips pressed against hers, Anne’s hands already working to unbutton his shirt. Cale’s kisses trailed down her jaw to her collarbone, his grip tightening on her waist.

Anne pulled away to lead him down the hallway, practically running, partially due to anticipation for what they were about to do, and because Anne could feel a breeze on her back, indicating that Cale had already unzipped her dress. That, coupled with the fact that Cale’s shirt was already open, his jacket in his free hand, Anne had no desire for any of her neighbors to be given the chance to see her and however Cale was to her already getting naked before closing the door.

As soon as she unlocked her door, Cale had her turned back around, kicking the door closed as he carried her to her bedroom, Anne able to feel everything about him against her body. Cale laid her down on her bed, his lips never leaving hers as he positioned himself over her, sliding her dress off while she did the same with his shirt. Anne’s breath hitched at the sight of him, his body perfect while he stared her down, the first time she saw the typically innocent boy she had been seeing with a mischievous grin covering his face, his eyes darkening at the thought of doing what they had both been wanting to do all night.

“You’re sure about this?” he asks one more time.

Anne nods, taking his face in her hands. “Yes, Cale. I’m sure.”

=============

February 13, 2022

Anne woke up the next morning, the events of the night before rushing back despite finding the space he had occupied in her bed empty. Her dress was on the floor, Cale’s red bowtie somehow having ended up on her night stand. Maybe he left it there as an excuse to see her again, making a mental note to put it in the living room so she would remember it the next time she saw him.

He had slipped out at some point that morning, Anne playing the voicemail that he left her while she slipped on a t-shirt to cover herself. “Hey, Anne. Sorry, I couldn’t stay, but morning skate was calling. I,” she hears him sigh, knowing he had a stupid grin on his face for whatever it was he was about to say, “I can’t wait to have another night like last night with you.”

It was her turn to have the stupid smile on her face as Cale continues, “Um, anyway, I’ve got something going on with JT and some of the other guys tomorrow for Valentine’s Day, a, uh, charity thing? I think? So would you be free this weekend for a proper date for the holiday? You know, not as crowded, not as much pressure, ideally the same outcome, if you’ll allow it? Oh, hey Tyson,” she hears him say, figuring that he was calling her on the way into the rink despite her being unable to hear Tyson. “Yeah, I’m planning Valentine’s Day with Anne. No, not tomorrow night, this weekend. Uh, Anne, I’ve gotta go, but let me know about, say, Friday night? Alright, talk to you later. Bye.”

Valentine’s Day date with Cale? Part two, more like, but still. Anne liked the sound of that.

“So, uh,” Tyson starts, already dreading what he was about to hear from his teammate given what he had heard him say into his phone. “You and Anne?”

“Yeah,” Cale breathes out, chuckling at the thought of what happened last night. “We, um,” Cale couldn’t even get a full sentence out, acting like a child who just got the toy he had been begging his parents for on Christmas morning. He couldn’t remember the last time he was that happy. “We spent the night together last night. I left from her place this morning.”

More of their teammates were filtering into the locker room, looking at Cale’s face turn bright red while Tyson stood there with him looking like he just about wanted to die. “Ok, but did you spend the night, or spend the night?” Ryan asks.

Cale started to stammer out nonsense, not really wanting to divulge the private details of his and Anne’s night despite the guys teasing him and congratulating him for what he wasn’t saying.

“Guys, keep it civil. Anne wouldn’t want us talking about any of this,” Tyson pipes in, Cale letting out a sigh of relief as the guys disperse to get ready for morning skate.

“Thanks,” Cale tells him, going off on his own to get his gear on.

JT appears by Tyson’s side, a stupid smirk on his face. “Would Anne not want us talking about anything, or would you not want us talking about anything?”

“Well, Anne definitely wouldn’t.”

“Oh, come on, we both know Cale would never.”

“Doesn’t mean I want him to have the chance.”

“You’re treading in deep water, dude,” JT sighs.

Tyson looks at him, hating that he knew what he meant. He had barely seen Anne, despite her brother’s texts from the night before asking if Anne really couldn’t watch Harper because of the two of them going out, Tyson going along with the lie just in case. “I don’t know what you want from me.”

“It seems like you don’t know what you want from Anne, either,” JT shrugs. “But Cale does, and he got it.”

=============

February 14, 2022

12 hour shifts were the only shifts Anne knew. And they were the shifts that Anne detested the most. She was fine the first ten hours, but the last two always seemed to suck more than anything, leaving her exhausted for the rest of the day, into the night, depending on when she got home in the first place.

All she wanted to do was order dinner from the Thai place down the street, having it delivered despite her really not needing to since it was within walking distance, plop herself on her couch and watch whatever reality TV Lucy had texted her that she thought Anne would like. Anne knew she would turn it off after a single episode and switch to Food Network, but at least she could tell her sister she tried.

Anne walks to her apartment, dragging her feet to her door when she sees someone sitting on the ground, his head down looking at his phone. “Tyson?”

He gets up, grabbing the two bags he had with him as the smell of food filled her nose. “Happy Valentine’s Day, my fake girlfriend,” he says, raising the bags while Anne opens the door to let him in.

“I’m confused,” she tells him as he sets everything down.

“Well, Matthew called me on Saturday asking if the two of us were sure we couldn’t watch his daughter, and I figured he might as well have some sort of photographic evidence as proof of us spending Valentine’s Day together,” Tyson explains. “So, I figured I’d go all out: flowers, dinner, and a present. You know, really convince them that we’re together.”

Anne stares at him for a second, not sure why her heart was racing at the thought of him going out of his way to keep up this facade with her family. “I don’t think I like that you and Matthew are so ‘buddy-buddy.’ Or that fact that he didn’t believe me the first two times I told him I was busy on Saturday night. And I thought that you guys had a charity thing tonight?”

“Oh, you didn’t know?” Tyson asks, handing her the container of food as she joined him on the couch, the Thai food she was planning on ordering right in front of her. “We have a groupchat. Yeah, it’s me, Sebby, Lucy, and Matthew.”

Anne scoffs, rolling her eyes at his failed attempt at a joke. “And let me guess: you gossip about me the entire time.”

“Actually,” he says, his mouth full of food, “you never come up. They think of me as the fourth sibling. The name Anne means nothing.”

Anne laughs, Tyson admiring the way her eyes closed as her smile grew. God, he wished he had gotten to her before Cale did. Why did he have to leave her alone at all on New Year’s Eve? If he were by her side the entire night like he had wanted to be, then he wouldn’t have to pretend to be her boyfriend, he could actually be getting somewhere with her.

“Hm,” Anne hums, swallowing her mouthful of food. “You said flowers and a present. When do I get those?”

“You can get them now on the condition that I can take a video to send to your siblings,” he offers, pulling out his phone and pushing the bag with the flowers and gift behind him. Anne rolls her eyes, smiling and nodding while he starts the video. He hands her the card first. “Read it.”

Anne pulls it out of the envelope, glitter getting everywhere and making her cringe, knowing that it would be impossible to get off her scrubs later on. It was covered with roses and hearts, bringing her right back to the wedding that weekend. “No one has ever made me feel like this. To the woman I love: Happy Valentine’s Day,” Anne reads, feeling a lump forming in her throat. The card was so corny, a little too corny for her taste, but coming from Tyson, she didn’t know why she loved it. She shakes her head, laughing at Tyson. “I love you, too,” she lies.

Tyson swallows hard at her words, wishing she meant them, pulling out the flowers from the bag and handing them to her. She looks down at the flowers, trying to figure out what they are before looking up at him. “Queen Anne’s Lace?”

“Queen Anne’s Lace for my Queen, Anne,” he tells her, cringing at his own words.

Anne giggles, placing them in her lap. “And my favorite flowers, anyway. Thank you, Tyson.”

“Wait, I have one more thing,” he says, hoping that the camera wasn’t shaking too much while he reached for the gift he bought her.

He hands it to her, a small red box wrapped with a gold bow. She unties it carefully, opening the box and gasping at the sight of it. A golden necklace with a white enamel heart as the charm, a golden pattern outlining the heart. “Tyson, it’s,” she starts, unable to find the words, “it’s beautiful.”

He stops the recording, figuring he had enough to hit send to his ‘girlfriend's' siblings. “Let me put it on you,” he says, Anne turning around and moving her hair out of the way. “I thought you would like it.”

Anne studies his face, the smile plastered on it despite her knowing that he didn’t mean it. “You didn’t have to do this.”

He shrugs, grabbing his food off the table and staring at it now in his lap. “It was fun. I’ve never had a girlfriend who I could buy presents like this for. I mean, I still don’t, but I have you.”

“Oh, come on. You, Tyson Jost, have never had a girlfriend? Look at you,” she says, praying that she was careful with the words she chose. “You’re gorgeous, you’re sweet, you’re funny, you get along with everyone you meet.”

Tyson hated hearing Anne go on about him, knowing that she was just saying it as a friend instead of something more. He scoffs, trying to save face from whatever pain or other emotion he was feeling. “Come on,” he says, not believing her anyway.

“I’m serious!” she insists, reaching up and starting to fidget with her new necklace. “Any girl would be lucky to have you as her boyfriend. I’m lucky to even have you as a fake boyfriend.”

Tyson nods, turning his body to face the TV instead of Anne. “So what are we watching?” he asks, changing the subject and putting his feet up on the table, Anne doing the same.

“Whatever’s on Food Network?” she suggests, holding the remote in the air pointed at the TV.

The two of them settle in, Tyson not paying attention to the show she had turned on. “Hey, what’s that?” Tyson asks, racing over to the red fabric that was on Anne’s coffee table.

“Oh,” Anne blushes, taking it from Tyson. “This is Cale’s. He, um, let it the other night,” she explains, Tyson watching her turn his teammates bowtie over in her hands.

“So you and Cale are doing pretty well?” he asks. Anne looks at him, not sure if she really wanted to tell him about it. “Come on, we’re friends. You can talk to me about anything.”

“I mean,” she says, putting down the bowtie on the table, not taking her eyes off of it. “We’re together? I think?” Tyson already hated that he even offered to listen to her talk about her and his teammate. “I like him. A lot. And I know he likes me, but,” Anne lets out a sigh, not sure where to even take her sentence.

“But, what?” Tyson asks.

“I don’t know,” she shakes her head, looking confused. “Everything is great, but it’s, I,” she stammers. “Something is off, and I can’t figure out what.”

Tyson stares at her for a second, trying to figure out what to say. “It’s probably just that it’s new,” he shrugs. “Everything seems weird when you’re still figuring it out. You and Cale will be ok,” he tells her, hating hearing those words come out of his mouth.

=============

February 19, 2022

Anne stared at herself in the mirror, the black turtleneck she borrowed from her sister coupled with a beige skirt and black tights on her as she got ready for her date with Cale. He was bound to show up any minute, promising each other they weren’t going to do gifts due to a general lack of time on both ends. She didn’t believe that he wasn’t going to get her a gift, however, sneaking out to the bakery down the street and buying some pastries that the two of them would like, giving them an excuse to both show up back at her apartment. And if he didn’t give her a gift, then she got the pastries all to herself.

If not, she could share them with Tyson, who had been showing up at her place or asking her to go to his place any free chance they both had.

She heard Cale knocking at her door, Anne rushing as fast as she could in her heels to answer. Cale was standing there, a black crewneck similar to her own turtleneck, paired with dark jeans, black boots, and a grey coat. Cale kisses her hello, one hand behind his back with the other resting on her hip. “Every time I see you I don’t think you could get more beautiful, and yet, you do.”

“You’re cheesy,” she jokes as he kisses her forehead, Cale laughing against her skin. “But you,” Anne says, resting her hands on his chest, “get more handsome every time I see you, too. And, you’re hiding a present behind your back, aren’t you, even though we said no presents.”

Cale laughs, closing the door behind him. “Maybe I saw this and had to get it for you,” he admits, kissing her again and holding up the bag near her head.

“Should I open it now or should I do it later when we come back here?” she flirts, holding the bag in her hand.

“Oh, we’re coming back here?” he teases her, trailing kisses down her neck.

“I might have gotten some dessert for us so we had an excuse to relive last Saturday. Plus, you left your bowtie here,” she gestures to it, still sitting on her table, “And I was thinking maybe you wear that tonight instead of keeping it off?”

Cale raises his eyebrow at her, a silly smile on his face. “And what else would I be wearing?”

Anne shrugs, pretending to act innocent. “I was thinking only the bowtie,” she tells him, feeling his grip around her tighten at the thought.

Cale kisses her again, unable to keep his hands off the girl in front of him. If he could, he would forget dinner altogether and just go straight to dessert, but he knew Anne wasn’t that kind of girl, and he wasn’t about to force her into anything she didn’t want. “Hey, I like that necklace you’re wearing,” he says, twirling the charm around in his fingers. “The heart is perfect for Valentine’s Day.”

She reaches up and takes his hand in hers. “Thanks. My sister got it for me a few years ago for my birthday,” she lies. She couldn’t tell him that Tyson had gotten it for her for Valentine’s Day.

#tyson jost #tyson jost fic #tyson jost imagine #colorado avalanche #colorado avalanche imagine #colorado avalanche fic #avalanche #avalanche imagine #avalanche fic #tyson and anne

104 notes · View notes

gryphonfingers · 2 years

Text

howdy here's a bunch of scattered Gotham thoughts mooostly about the Isabella plotline

[potential spoilers up to S3E8 just in case ur also watching this show in 2022, I haven't watched beyond there yet]

So like, Oswald and Ed have fantastic chemistry, they're undoubtedly the highlight of the show for me. I was hoping they would actually get a chance to be together!! I think they're both interesting interpretations of the characters [though admittedly theres some Ed stuff I'm not fond of, though I'm maybe bias because The Riddler is my favorite Batman rogue] and Oswald lowkey should just. be the main character. Jim Gordon does not hold the show at all for me.

introducing a new love interest for Ed who is LITERALLY played by the same actress as his girlfriend that he accidentally killed???? Inspired. Love it. Why. So fucking goofy.

The fact that the love interest is EXPLICITLY INTO THE FACT ED KILLED HIS GIRLFRIEND AND DRESSES UP LIKE HIS DEAD GIRLFRIEND TO LIKE. SEDUCE HIM INTO CHOKING HER?????????? WILD. SO WILD.

It also in retrospect kind of seems implied that she directly sought him out?? Like looking back on their first meeting like, she approaches him and is like "oh sorry I don't usually talk 2 strangers haha.. but something about u.." and theres the scene after Ed freaks out seeing her wear the glasses that look just like Kristin's glasses where shes like looking down holding her glasses and smiling at them?? Which to me kinda felt like. "Oh she's been planning this"??? and I think there's something kind of interesting in that, like if that was the intent I would have wanted to see that explored more. There was kind of have a similar gross "oooh nice girl only wants dangerous men" thing with Kristin and her exes but this is ramped up to an insane level. I could totally just be misinterpreting those scenes, though the scene where she's like "Oswald I know you love him too :)))))" is kind of sinister. They also establish that she's read every article available about Ed's murders and stay in Arkham and learned what his dead girlfriend looked like from old newspaper articles about it and its like. Holy shit what.

I almost feel like she should have been alive longer?? Maybe also be a villain?? Really drive up that love triangle/romantic tension?? There is something so morbid and gross about her character that makes my brain fucking spin. Like it's bad weird writing but it's also kind of compelling. It's dark camp.

#gotham tv #truly just rambling #gotham

5 notes · View notes

watching-pictures-move · 2 years

Text

Movie Review | Crimes of the Future (Cronenberg, 2022)

This review contains spoilers.

On this Canada Day in the year of our Lord 2022, I decided to do my patriotic duty and support a great Canadian filmmaker. So I hopped on the subway, headed downtown to the TIFF Bell Lightbox (a theatre that's been responsible for some of my favourite moviegoing experiences, but perhaps has lost some of its luster recently thanks to increasingly boring programming choices) and handed over my hard earned Canadian dollars for a ticket to David Cronenberg's Crimes of the Future. Now, this wasn't just patriotism at work, although there is a certain national pride I feel in enjoying the work of a great director who came out of this country whose work doesn't have that stench of distinctly Canadian lameness about it. (It might be hard to explain to non-Canadians, but imagine if 90% of the film and TV output of your country was centered on the most boring, tacky signifiers of national identity. Tune in to the CBC and just drown in an embarrassing flood of hockey, Tim Hortons, "aboot" and "eh".) But there's also the fact that like many movie fans, Cronenberg's work is near and dear to me.

Videodrome was a formative movie for me during my high school years, not just because it was a cold, weird, off putting movie that also kicked ass, but because it was a kind of metaphor for my cinephilia, putting me on a quest for the weirder horizons of cinema. (So yes, I'm going to blame my embarrassing viewing history over the last two years all on this one movie.) At the time it felt like I watched something truly transgressive. A movie with this collection of plot points shouldn't exist. Snuff TV, stomach vaginas, fleshy bulging cassettes, kinky redheaded Debbie Harry? The last one may have broken my brain. Why does the singer from Blondie have red hair? Also the whole kinky weirdo angle.

In that respect, Crimes of the Future offers up two characters in the same tradition, who I suspect would have similarly wreaked havoc on my cerebral functions had I watched this at a younger age. There's Lea Seydoux, former surgeon and partner of Viggo Mortensen, with whom she does a performance art act of cutting out his organs for an audience. And there's Kristen Stewart, as a bureaucrat in a secret government agency responsible for logging Mortensen's organs who not-so-secretly is turned on by all this. (An early scene has her visibly aroused as she inspects Mortensen's organs through a camera jammed inside his stomach.) She coins the movie's key phrase: "Surgery is the new sex." (Seydoux and Mortensen have scenes together that show this concept in fairly literal terms, which kind of grossed me out but I suspect will do a lot for somebody somewhere.) The former brings an innate warmth and emotion to an otherwise cold and alienating movie (is there another actress currently who is as good at looking on the verge of tears?), and the latter has a nervy delivery that provides some of the movie's biggest laughs.

Now, I suppose I should gesture towards the overall plot, which features Mortensen and Seydoux wowing the art world with their daring surgery-centric performance art. This is in the context of a world where human evolution is leading to the growth of weird and scary new organs and a corresponding increase in aggressive body modifications. Some of this seems to be a vehicle for Cronenberg to air out his thoughts on art, and one especially funny scene has a rival artist dance to techno music while covered in ears in his self-satisfied, up-its-own-ass act. This is a funnier movie than I expected, although much of the humour is of the deadpan variety. I already mentioned Stewart's comic timing, but I also chuckled at Mortensen's outfit, which looks like something a ninja would wear, or perhaps pilfered from a Yohji Yamamato or Rick Owens collection. The wardrobe of the rest of the cast is less dramatic, aside from the rise of their pants. (Yes, yes, I'm talking about clothes again.)

But there's also a political dimension, as Mortensen is working undercover for the government to infiltrate a group of subversives, although it wasn't clear to me what exactly the ideological difference was between the two parties. The movie is not interested in political coherence, and seems cagey about the nature of the government's repression, although we do get a sense of atmospheric decay from the crumbling Greek locations, presence of analog technology (which leads to the sporadic use of different film and video formats), and scenes of political operatives carrying out grisly assassinations. (There is also the frequent presence of flies, which I found a bit on the nose.) I suppose there are similarities here to the vagueness with which Videodrome sketches out its political dimensions, but that movie at least put words to the villains' ideology, giving that element a certain charge.

"North America's getting soft, patrón, and the rest of the world is getting tough. Very, very tough. We're entering savage new times, and we're going to have to be pure and direct and strong, if we're going to survive them. Now, you and this cesspool you call a television station and your people who wallow around in it, your viewers who watch you do it, they're rotting us away from the inside. We intend to stop that rot."

I haven't seen Cronenberg's last few films, but there is a sense that he was getting more respectable over the last two decades. (I'd seen A History of Violence and Eastern Promises from that period. Both quite good, but aside from a few instances of extreme violence, fairly palatable to mainstream tastes.) So seeing him go back to the biopunk sensibilities of his earlier work, the stuff that speaks to me more directly, does make the movie pretty interesting in the context of his career, and I did mostly enjoy seeing him play around with those elements. But where movies like Videodrome, Scanners and Shivers (to take a few examples) work for me and this one doesn't is that those movies had a certain cohesion and forward momentum. You enter worlds that are fairly well defined and attach yourself to protagonists who are propelled through their narratives, all delivered with a feverish, punk rock energy. (Of those movies, Videodrome has the best leading man in James Woods, whose sleazy presence gives added queasiness to the proceedings.) This movie has no real interest in making its contextual elements cohere, and kind of ambles to its climax. Also, I appreciate that we all have different sensitivities to certain subject matter, but the fact that this movie places its dramatic crux on something as upsetting as a child autopsy completely alienated me from the final section. And that the movie closes with a scene of what looks like the worst YouTube food vlog in the world meant that I was not won back before the end credits rolled.

#film #movie review #crimes of the future #david cronenberg

6 notes · View notes