#but unfortunately I'm not going to be able to keep a weekly schedule for the chapters.

[pippynsworld]

[punkitt-is-here]

LIFE UPDATE!!!! RAGHHH!!!

Okay, so, as some of y'all know, I was fired from my job a couple of months ago. I reapplied, and unfortunately, despite getting an interview, I was turned down. Because of that, I'm going full-time as a self-employed artist. This means I'll be focusing on making fun stuff for my shop, learning better how to ship out items, and doubling down on doing more commissions.

As some of my wonderful commissioners know, I struggle a lot with deadlines and motivation. I have ADHD and even though I'm medicated, it still often gets in my way and kicks my ass often. It's part of why I have such a big struggle when doing commissions; they're hard to motivate myself to do and sometimes require a lot of communication back and forth that I'm just not the best at right now. I would like to say thanks to everyone that's put up with my inability to figure out a decent schedule for commission work, and hopefully everyone who's tried to get art from me will get their stuff very soon!

SO, uh, now that I don't really have a job, what's that mean? Well, I'm going to set a goal to actually make good on my promises for commissionwork. I tend to actually get a lot done in bursts, but they come and go, so I'm going to try and do weekly commissions but with much smaller slots. What I'll be doing is upping the frequency while also limiting the amount I get per-week so I can have a form of consistency with my output. That way, both parties are satisfied and I don't have to keep beating myself up for taking my time because I kept convincing myself I had a big-ass workload I couldn't chip away at.

Part of how I'll be doing this is acting like I still have a job. I'm gonna set aside work hours in the week to specifically work on commissions and shipping and interfacing with clients. I depend on the kindness and goodwill of my incredible followers, so the last thing I really want to do is tarnish that (at least any more than I have; apologies to everyone who's put up with me learning how to run a shop!). I think I'm at a point where I understand a lot of my limitations and abilities, and so I hope going forward I can begin to create a routine for myself and be able to make this something I can do far into the future! If you'd like to support me while I do this wacky lil thing, i've got a ko-fi and now a Patreon! (which I will link in my reblog since I heard Patreon links are weird here on tumblr.) I'm really excited to be launching a patreon. I can't guarantee any specific type of content, but the plan is just to show tiny little previews of stuff early if you're a supporter and stuff like this. I've never had anything of this kind, so I ask for your patience as I work stuff out, but if you feel like supporting me on either platform it'd mean the world to me. Thanks :)

[rosescries]

Hey, just an update on some things.

As I'm sure everyone's aware by now, this hiatus has been going on a while. And yeah, I hadn't planned on it being this long nor did I expect it to be, but it has. I honestly don't know when it'll end or if it actually will at this point. For now, we're going to say it's indefinite, unfortunately.

I just don't have the time, motivation, or energy (work eats immense amounts of all of these) to write as much as I used to. Definitely not to keep up the schedule I used to do (two updates a week). So for now, I'll update my fics when I'm able to. Maybe one day I can get back to that weekly update schedule, but for now it's just not possible.

[sleepy-seal]

Welcome back to another installment of: TMAGP & Treats!!!!!!!!

While I'm here I will say: I am so so so sorry that I fell behind. I assumed that the once-a-week updates with making a single baked good would suffice as it's not like I'm doing this daily. I underestimated not only how taxing it would be to ask for ingredients from my parents, but also to keep up with the schedule. The pressure to mull the episode over and connect the dots enough to string together a coherent analysis has pretty much axed any way of doing this efficiently. Like a wise woman once said, you can have it right, or you can have it fast. With all that said, I think I'm ready to get back on track once more and do weekly installments. I will just have to make some adjustments. Now, here's the treat of the week!

This week (pretend it's on the day ep 6 was relwased okay) was Chocolate Crinkles!!!! Now without further ado, here's my thoughts:

- as is the nature of my recent surgery, i have to be cautious with what i eat, but i think i can make an exception with these

- 4 HOURS???? THIS NEEDS THAT LONG TO CHILL BEFORE GOING IN THE OVEN??????

- whatever i'll have enough time to think about the episode

- oof. sam you really need your rest

- A NEW PERSON? ALREADY

- well my money is on you sam so i really hope you stick it out

- HELLO???

- needles is a kickass name i'll give them that

- an act of affection you say? an act of love? maybe obsessi

- MARKED?????

- i have a feeling that we're going to be seeing needles again

- SAM STOP

- YOU ARE GETTING THE DESIRE TO KNOW THATS REALLY BAD

- i'll tell you what he'll do really well in the institute. if it was still around

- CELIAAAAAA

- you've only been here for like 1 episode and i love you already

- don't get attached huh?

- LMAOOOOO

- okay let me finish making the dough for the treat and i'll start compiling my thoughts

FINALLY THOUGHTS:

first of all, i love celia so so so much. aside from the insistence from alice that sam has a romantic crush on her giving me a knee-jerk uncomfortable reaction as an aromantic myself, i really love her. i never really made the connection between her and the celia from tma until i double checked the tag on tumblr, but it is nice to see lowrie back! i am interested in how this will culminate. i really do love celia though. she's silly in a lame way. she's my favorite character. clap for her Now.

second of all, sam. sammy. samama khalid. my buddy boy my friendo. you have Got to stop fucking around and finding out. first, it was actively seeking out information and digging when he shouldn't. then it was signing the response 121 form. and now it's this reaction to when the case was abruptly cut off with no clean ending. he wants to know more. the warning signs are there, but i'm hoping that he's still able to get out of there when he can.

unfortunately, this is all the thoughts i wrote at the time. i was planning on writing more, but sadly i ran out of steam by the time the cookies were done, and by then i just went to bed and didn't end up completing TMAGP & Treats in time. i will promise to make up in the future though!!!!

[spectacled-studies]

1/2/24

Good morning my readers!

I hope you all had a great New Year's holiday! I know I sure did. My partner and I went to a friends house for a small kickback and we had a blast, although the next morning, not so much. The hangover I earned pretty much started when I went to bed and wouldn't let me sleep at all! That aside, I was able to spend a lovely holiday with my partner again, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I have a few goals this new year I would like to complete, so here they are:

Read 5 books to completion. Unfortunately I've had a habit of reading books to about 75% through, then becoming uninterested and moving on. I'm going to try to break that! I've started a Storygraph account to track my reading stats that I plan on sharing on here.

Work out at least once a week. Although I am a bit insecure about my weight, the goal with this one is more about heart health and mobility. I currently live in a colder climate than I'm used to so I'm hoping that this will help loosen up my joints.

Complete some at home studies. I have already graduated from college and currently have no intentions of returning, but I would like to keep my studies up. I think I'll go to a library or coffee shop and study with seminars and lectures from YouTube.

I need to come up with a schedule for daily, weekly, and monthly activities so I will try to wriggle this in there as well.

No photos today! I don't take photos often enough to post but maybe that's another thing I can try to do. et me know how your NYE celebrations went!

[amysubmits]

Hey Amy, I hope you are doing well..

I am kindly asking for advice. My Daddy and I arent really doing the best on term of mental health, nothing truly major but we are both not okay.. As a result of personal issues and my health isnt at its finest and we both have been having a hard time with the whole Palestinian war thing. Unfortunately we are in a long distance relationship, so we can't really get together and try to support or embrace one another physical wise. We do talk openly about our problems and hurting but I am not sure what more can I do for my Daddy whilst being away and not being super well myself, I kinda feel like I am not giving him or doing my best for him and its really bothering me the feeling of almost being in less service to him.

Hopefully you understand my point of view being a sub yourself.. And thank you in advance.

Hey Anon,

I'm sorry that you are both struggling. I imagine that not being able to be together in person makes that extra challenging. It's awesome that you're talking openly about your problems so that you both know what is going on with each other. It sounds to me like you're both doing what you can, and you're communicating about where you're at, you just are feeling like you "should" be able to give more because you typically would be able to give more. I think realistically though, you're doing what you can right now, and are having a hard time of resetting your own expectations for yourself to meet your current abilities. It's easy to feel like if you would/could do X on another day, then you should be able to do that thing anyday. I don't know where you're from, but here in the US and in lots of other places in the world, I feel like society sort of sets us up to feel like we should be machine-like in that way. That we should be able to work 8 hours a day 5 days a week year-round, and that our 2 day weekend should be enough for us to engage in our hobbies, socialize with friends, deep clean our houses and start over fresh again each monday as reliably as clockwork. But realistically, humans don't operate like clockwork, we aren't machines, and our capacity changes day to day, week to week, etc. So if we try to maintain the same level of productiveness or emotional labor or what not, every single day and ignore our changes in our emotional energy or just energy in general, we'll end up hurting ourselves and burning out. My guess is that if you reasonably could do 'more' to support your Daddy right now, you already would have done it...but you're in a place where just getting through the "musts" of every day like cooking and working and so on to keep your own life going is leaving you pretty spent and so you don't have "extra" to use to try to cheer him up, and the same thing for him in reverse. And that isn't a failure of you or of him or of your feelings for each other. The fact that you're keeping that open line of communication so you both are aware of what is going on is a big deal. My advice would be to keep talking about where you're at, so that nobody has room for doubts. It may also help to outright 'confess' that you find yourself wishing you could do more for him or like you could make him feel better but you know you can't. Keep trying to take care of yourselves amd maybe double-check your daily or weekly schedules to make sure that everything you're giving your energy to currently really is essential and there really isn't any space to cut yourselves slack or give yourselves a break. If you do find that you could make space in some way like backing out of a social obligation that isn't really essential or if you have some flexibility in what is expected of you at work so you can cut back or something, that might give you more space to change that energy over into doing some form of selfcare like engaging in a hobby that can help reenergize you to eventually be able to give more to each other. But if you really don't have anything you can adjust, it may just require patience to wait on life to naturally cut you a break. Or if it's a more longterm/chronic situation where one or both of you is regularly left without anything to give, professional mental health help might be needed, or a job change or other major change might be needed so you aren't overdoing it so regularly. But from your ask it sounds more temporary.

I hope the phase passes quickly so you can get back to how you guys prefer to be able to care for each other. :)

[somanyfuckedupiftruebooks]

Thank you for doing in-depth analysis on each of the TMA episodes.

It reminds me of the excitement I felt back when TMA was updating weekly and I would listen to the episode and then go on Tumblr to see what other people were saying about it.

I always look forward to seeing what you have to say, and you often bring up details that I hadn’t noticed or seen as significant on my first listen.

I know it must be a lot of effort to do one every day, so I wanted to let you know I think it’s cool that you’re doing this, and I really appreciate it.

Omg hello!! Thank you so much <3 This is the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.

I was late joining the TMA fandom and missed out on episode-by-epsiode analysis, so doing A Mag A Day has been a fun excuse to geek out. I'm absolutely loving that people are following along and sharing their own thoughts in the comments and tags. <3

Unfortunately, yes, it does take more time each day than I was counting on before I started doing this. I can't guarantee that I'll be able to keep up with the A Mag A Day schedule, especially as we get into the holidays and I'm spending more time with my family. But I can promise that I will be doing this for every single episode in the series, even if I have to miss some days and catch up!

My reasons are simple:

I've been meaning to do a relisten along with the transcripts for a while now, because I need an easier reference system for pulling information from canon than having to find it in the wiki. The reason I'm doing this every day is because I'm filling a spreadsheet with all the important notes I need for the various TMA fics rattling around in my head and demanding to be written. Posting a bunch of ramblings and dumb jokes to tumblr at the same time is just a particularly fun motivation to help keep me on track.

[quietsis]

Vacation

We are back! I got sick a few days before our scheduled flight, so I was a mess. I'm grateful, however, that I had those several days to recover.

I saw by brother for the first time in years, and his wife and I had some civil conversations too. It felt awkwardly normal, and I started fantasizing about a better relationship or a possible friendship. Naïve me! She probably doesn't want to do anything with me, but at least she is keeping the face and doesn't lash out at me. She started therapy, and I can see that her communication skills have improved significantly.

I wasn't able to see my new T for 5 weeks. I missed them. They have a public blog which helped me stay connected. Unlike in my previous therapeutic relationships, this T encourages contact and WANTS me to get attached to them. It's scary and mind blowing. I get a response every time I initiate contact. I texted them at least once a week or so while traveling. I believe the idea is that disorganized attachment style has to be healed by secure relationships, hence the limited reparenting and their willingness to stay connected. If everything goes well, I will be able to separate on my own after therapy is completed. Therapy is at least a year long, but I've been seeing multiple providers for years now without significant progress, and my healthy adult part is still lacking. DBT and other modalities are too impersonal and hurt me more in the end. I'm ready to give this a try. There are no red flags so far, and we are slowly getting to know each other. I'm hypervigilant, but T works with people with PDs and complex trauma, so we talk things through. I also love schema-therapy language. It's super validating and promotes self-compassion. The more I learn about this method, the more I think I found the right treatment. I'm surprised to see how many of my needs are being met here already! Finally, I don't feel crazy for wanting or needing something. I'm still scared I'll be too much, too clingy, or too needy. I try to journal a lot when something comes to mind so that I don't bother my T too often. I hope once we go back to normal weekly sessions, I'll feel safer.

I learned something new about my abuser and regressed. It was too sudden and just too much to handle. I had no idea I could feel so weak and scared again. I feared he was seriously harming someone else. Last week was especially difficult. In addition to that, my abandonment issues got triggered by my partner. Unfortunately, I used the same coping that brought me into DBT years ago. I felt vulnerable, alone, unwanted, and unloved... I had been SH-free for over 4 years. My T's response was warm and empathetic. I'm safe now and want to be kinder to myself. We both believe it was a one-time reaction and nothing to be too concerned about. I know my skills and will use them in the future. I'm happy that I'm not "punished" for being unable to cope. I want to bring this up in therapy, even though they told me we don't have to discuss this until I'm ready.

This person is super-flexible, yet I know there are boundaries, and I can easily respect them. It differs so much from what I'm used to. I'm talking to a real person and get a personal response. In the past, I felt like I was bombarded with rules and restrictions. There was no "real person' behind those rules and methods... It was nothing like a "normal" relationship.

Anyway, my idealization is in full-bloom. My next appointment is on Wednesday, and I look forward to it.

[ottawavalleycreations]

Hey, you, you're finally looking at this blog.

There's been a whole lot happening with Ottawa Valley Creations and there's a lot of exciting changes I'm happy to be announcing. I've been working on getting the Ko-Fi Shop running again, and have been updating a lot of product listings at our main site.

Thanks to a very generous donor on Ko-Fi I was able to start printing some products in-house which is super exciting. This is especially noteworthy as we're getting ready for a number of in-person markets and events this summer.

Now that I'm starting to get relatively organized and into a bit of a rhythm, it's been a fair bit difficult to get out of. I'm comfortable and active on a number of other sites. So please consider checking our other pages on the 'net to keep in touch, I have to be honest and say that I really only put effort into the social medias where I get interaction right away and it's nothing to do with instant gratification and more to do with not wanting to waste my time. I have a number of projects on the go-- two publishing webcomics at our main site, two in immediate development, about a dozen independent projects in the works, the Ko-Fi Shop development, content creation and Journal writing for both Ko-Fi and the Main Site, an e-book in progress, and a personal life that I'm trying very hard not to neglect in the midst of all of it.

Ottawa Valley Creations' Tumblr is not dead, not by a long shot.

However, I do think I'm going to take a page from the Skyrim opening and run from the derelict district destroyed by devastating dragons drawing together their treasure troved thematically terrible tendency to tilt dispositions toward their own favour.

Er-- There's some things I've noticed on a very personal level with the Tumblr community that's very unfortunate and saddening since I've been a part of it since its very inception. It's because of these things as well as the fact that I have gotten a comfortable schedule going that I may not be as active here as I may want to be.

Rest assured, there is a real person at this account, but I do think that if I post here on Tumblr at all, it's going to be incredibly quick ads. I've tried to integrate my main site's blog to my Tumblr account but the posts looked whack, so until that gets fixed, I'm probably not going to make a point of copy/pasting every single post I make every single time I make a post. I'll try to remember to link things, but this announcement is otherwise thus commenced.

I post weekly on Ko-Fi and my Main Site. Peep them both to stay in the loop.

[ya-girl-mc]

Back Pain

Character: Oikawa Tooru × Fem Reader

Concept: Oikawa's been working a bit too hard lately. Y/N decides to reward his efforts with a massage, but she winds up getting turned on instead (smut with some fluff 👌)

⚠️ Warning: Sexual content (read at your own discretion)

A/N: Back at it again with a smut fic this time feat. our golden boi Oikawa 😏 Hope you’ll enjoy this one!!

☆☆ Another self-indulgent Haikyuu!! Fanfiction ☆☆

Y/N-chan! Was finally able to free up some time for the weekend. Want to come over? Friday night sound good?

I have the house to myself the entire weekend, btw 😋

Y/N re-read the message over and over again, her heart thumping in anticipation at the suggestive undertones it conveyed. It's been quite a while since her and Oikawa began dating, however, with the additional academic load that came with being a third-year student and with his responsibilities as Aoba Johsai's volleyball team captain, the couple barely had time to spend with one another, much to their dismay.

Jumping at the extremely rare opportunity to spend an entire weekend alone with him, Y/N momentarily shifted her attention from her homework and quickly typed up a reply, trying her hardest not to seem too eager at his invitation.

Okay, sounds great to me! Will let my parents know. See u Friday night 😊 Love you.

Hitting the 'send' button, Y/N leant back on her desk chair and stared at the night sky beyond her bedroom window, her thoughts now preoccupied with the prospect of finally spending some much-needed alone time with her significant other.

*****

Friday night came faster than she expected. After successfully turning in all of her weekly assignments and enduring an extensive parental discussion on sexual intimacy and the like, Y/N eagerly stood at the doorstep of the Oikawa residence, the remnants of "the talk" she had just received from her parents making her cringe. Having dated Oikawa for quite some time now, this was not completely new territory for her and while she appreciated their parenting efforts, the thought of them having been privy to her dating life had always made her shudder.

The door finally opened and before she could open her mouth to speak, a weary-looking Oikawa swiftly gathered her into his arms, ushering both of them into his home as he did. "Ahhh Y/N-chan, finally! What took you so long?" He whined, burying his face in the crook of her neck.

Reveling in the all-too familiar warmth that both of them had missed, she returned his hug with as much vigor. "Sorry, I got kinda held up back at home. Don't ask why."

Tightening his arms around his girlfriend, Oikawa brought his lips up to her ear, his voice dropping to a mere whisper. "I missed you, it's been too long."

"We see each other at school, Tooru," she teased, refraining herself from shuddering appreciatively at his hushed words.

Oikawa chuckled and lifted his head from her shoulder. Meeting her gaze, he smiled at her tenderly. "You know what I mean."

Despite the multitude of responsibilities he juggles on a daily, Oikawa does his utmost best to balance it with his relationship, yet there were still instances that neither of them could make time for the other. However, the perfect opportunity seemed to have presented itself with his parents embarking on an out-of-town trip for the weekend, and as it aligned with his scheduled day-off from his coaching duties at the Lil Tykes Volleyball Classroom, he was resolute on finally spending the weekend with her to make up for lost time.

And yes...he invited Y/N with every intention to show her just how much he missed her.

Leading her into his empty home, Y/N followed suit as Oikawa headed towards the kitchen. Observing him further as he moved about, she noticed something slightly amiss with his gait as he rummaged around to find her something to drink. "Hey Tooru, are you in any pain of some sort?"

"Well...a little," he admitted sheepishly as he handed her a glass of water. "I guess I was too excited that you were coming over, so I didn't get to properly stretch after training...my lower back kind of hurts."

Y/N sighed and shot him a narrowed look, recounting on all the times she reminded him to take extra care of himself. But, after hearing such an adorable reason, she couldn't bring herself to give him another long-winded lecture on the importance of self-care and instead, an idea came to her. "I think I might be able to help you out with that."

*****

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Oikawa watched as Y/N lit several scented candles scattered around his room. Joining him from where he sat atop his bed, she lit the last candle on his bedside table and shot him a gentle smile.

"Yeah, you've been working too hard lately. A massage is the least I can do for you."

The fragrance and gentle glow that emanated from the candles was starting to get to him, and while Oikawa admittedly thought of something naughty when she suggested to give him a massage, he felt himself starting to relax for the first time in a while. "Thanks, just when I thought I'd finally be able to spoil you, I ended up getting pampered instead."

"You need to let yourself be pampered every now and then. So anyway, can you take off your shirt and lie down on your stomach?"

Oikawa heeded her instructions and peeled off his shirt, providing her with a wonderful view of his toned torso. Now only clad in his boxers, Y/N immediately averted her gaze to stop herself from staring as she reached for a bottle of lotion. As Oikawa lay on his stomach, she couldn't help but marvel at the muscles that flexed on his shoulders as he readjusted his position.

Damn it, he's too beautiful, it's unfair. God, I don't know what I did to deserve a man like this but thank you so so much.

Finally composing herself, Y/N rubbed a dollop of lotion on her hands and proceeded to knead the skin on his back, applying an ample amount of pressure on his shoulder blades. As soon as she increased the pressure, he slightly flinched, causing her to cease her actions. "Sorry, did it hurt?"

Oikawa shook his head. "I'm good. Keep going."

Taking it as a signal to continue, Y/N began applying even more pressure as she moved her hands lower, her eyes transfixed on the smooth planes of muscle on his back. As soon as she reached the problem spot on his lower back, Oikawa grimaced. "Y-yeah right there. It really does kind of hurt so please be gentle."

"Got it." Heeding his instructions, she refocused her attention on his lower back, feeling just how tense his muscles were. After gently massaging the area, she slightly increased the pressure as she began using the balls of her wrists. All of a sudden, Oikawa let out an involuntary moan which caught Y/N off guard, her heart pounding rather intensely as her face began flaming up. Trying to purge the dirty thoughts that began to invade her mind, she steeled herself and continued the massage, and unfortunately for her, so did his moaning.

It was definitely starting to get to Y/N as she felt an all-too familiar tightening sensation in her core. As Oikawa continued to express just how much he enjoyed the massage, she fidgeted uncomfortably and forced herself to divert her attention from the growing wetness between her legs.

Am I seriously getting turned on by this? God, how creepy of me! Although in my defense, we haven't had sex and/or gotten intimate in a while, so maybe I'm just backed up? Ugh come on, Y/N, concentrate!

Trying as best as she can to ignore her growing arousal, Y/N forced herself to continue with the massage, however, as soon as her hands began kneading his sides, Oikawa let out a throaty groan of pleasure. "Yeah, there. Harder, please," he instructed, seemingly oblivious to how turned on she had gotten, much to her chagrin.

Y/N bit her lip and willed herself to calm down, but as his moans intensified, her hands' movements gradually became sloppy as she began to succumb to her growing desire. Having decided that enough was enough, she ceased her actions and groaned in frustration, taking in a lungful of air as she pressed her forehead on Oikawa's back.

He shifted slightly and craned his neck, prompting Y/N to lift her head and fixate her gaze on his. "What is it? Are you tired?" The innocence was palpable in his tone, but unbeknownst to Y/N, Oikawa had already caught on to what has gotten her bothered; however, he wanted to hear her actually say it.

She shook her head in response, portraying just how turned on she was by pressing kisses across his back. "You seriously have no idea, huh?"

Oikawa continued to feign innocence, however, his heart began thumping uncontrollably at how even more irresistible his girlfriend had gotten when she was upfront about her desires. "What do you mean, Y/N-chan?"

Swallowing hard at how unbelievably sexy her name sounded as it left his lips, she began leaving a trail of love bites and made her way towards his neck. "Truth is, I'm feeling kind of hot and bothered over here hearing you moan like that." Her lips continued their path as they finally reached the spot behind his ear. Oikawa's breathing hitched as she whimpered, earning a shudder from him. "Tooru...please?"

It was definitely more than what he bargained for, and unable to stave off his own desires, Oikawa had her pinned her down in a flash, his brown eyes darkening with lust as he looked her up and down. "Sorry, Y/N-chan. But what makes you think that I wouldn't know what turns my girlfriend on?"

Her eyes widened as she eventually caught on. "You...you did that on purpose!"

Throwing him the harshest glare that she could muster, it only fueled his desire to take her then and there, yet he held himself back, well-aware that his patience will be rewarded handsomely. "Let me make it up to you."

Oikawa's lips immediately went for her neck, his fingers sliding up underneath her shirt to caress the bare skin of her stomach. He lightly trailed his fingers across her midriff, the subtle contact a stark contrast to the relentless attack his lips made on her neck. Moaning at the sensations she craved for so long, Y/N's hips bucked from the bed, allowing Oikawa to get even closer to her.

With her legs spread wide open, he shuffled closer and pressed his growing erection against her thigh, her cheeks immediately heating up as she felt how hard he had gotten. She begged him to touch her elsewhere, but he made no attempt in doing so, his lips and fingers still remaining in the same spots.

He's still teasing me...! The nerve of this - 

Thoroughly frustrated, Y/N lifted his head from her neck and glared at him. "Just kiss me, damn it!" She forcefully pressed their lips together, taking Oikawa initially by surprise, but he returned her kiss with as much vigor. She opened her mouth willingly, allowing his tongue to enter and explore the entirety of her mouth.

The sopping noises their kisses made and their lustful moans filled every crevice of his bedroom. As Oikawa ground his hips even harder against hers, he began nibbling on her lower lip, causing her to slightly wince and pull away. Both their chests heaved, and Y/N took the opportunity to scan her eyes up and down his body as she licked her lips appreciatively, the toned muscles adorning his torso a manifestation of years of arduous training and hard work.

"Now this is unfair," Oikawa stated, causing Y/N to shiver at how unbelievably sexy his voice had gotten. He began pulling at the jean shorts she wore, his eyes mirroring the insurmountable desire in hers. "Take these off. I need to see you."

She immediately blushed as he drew back slightly, his expectant eyes keen on watching her every move. She couldn't help but notice how he was being a tad aggressive than usual, not that she minded in the very least. Too abashed to meet his gaze, Y/N proceeded to slowly discard every article of clothing she had and Oikawa felt himself grow even harder as she eventually laid bare beneath him.

The adoration and tenderness in his gaze was palpable as he looked her up and down; he couldn't seem to get used to how simply gorgeous she was, and this was all for him - only him - to see. Her eyes were still downcast, well-aware at how intense he looked at her. "Y/N-chan," he called out gently and brushed his lips against her cheek in an attempt to get her to look at him. "What are you suddenly getting so shy for?"

"D-don't make me say it, idiot!" She practically yelled out, hiding her reddened face from view as Oikawa merely chuckled at her flustered state.

"Can I touch you? I can, right?" He whispered in her ear, goosebumps prickling all over her skin. Unable to respond, Y/N managed to nod as she finally brought up her eyes to meet his. The desire in them which reflected his own - he couldn't help but shiver in pleasure as well. "Good girl," he praised, smiling down at her affectionately.

Joining their lips once more, the kiss they shared was unbearably sweet, their lips moving ardently with one another. Oikawa's slender fingers began to explore the entirety of her body, marveling at how soft her skin felt. He moved his lips along the path his fingers made, leaving a trail of heat in their wake. Without heeding her any warning, he took one of her nipples in his mouth, the abrupt sensation a contrast to his gentle caresses, causing her to gasp. "T-tooru!"

Hearing her moan his name only encouraged him further as he brought up his free hand to toy with her other nipple. It was just too much, it felt too damn good that Y/N thought that she was about to lose it then and there, however, Oikawa was far from being done, his fingers eventually wandering down to her inner thigh. In anticipation for what's to come, she slightly raised her hips, granting him permission. At her gesture, he slowly slid one of his fingers inside, his eyes widening at how soaked she had become. "Did you like massaging me that much?"

Her fingers gripped his chestnut brown locks, the overwhelming amount of pleasure too great to bear as she struggled to reply in-between gasps. "C-can you blame me? It's been a while since we-"

"Yeah, I know. I could say the same." Slipping another finger in, Oikawa began stroking her insides, his lips once more joining with hers as he swallowed the high-pitched moans she let out. She was unbelievably warm and tight, the wetness that clung to his fingers making his shaft throb rather painfully. Fighting with the urge to simply put it in, he took his time to stretch her out in preparation.

His fingers' ministrations had only intensified as he eventually began caressing her sweet spot, her entire body beginning to shake at the relentless pleasure he gave her. Y/N's hips began to involuntarily thrust with his fingers' movements, allowing them to go even deeper.

"T-Tooru.. I'm close...!" She gasped out, her insides tightening further as he mercilessly stroked her harder. However, Oikawa abruptly retracted his fingers, denying her of her long-awaited release. Y/N looked at him incredulously as her chest heaved, her eyes welling up with tears due to pleasure and frustration. "Why did you stop?"

"Sorry. I'm sorry," he cooed as he smoothed her hair away from her face, his lips pecking hers gently. "I can't let you come, not just yet. I can make you feel good even more."

Oikawa's hushed words held so much promise for what's to come. However, still reeling from the aftermath of his relentless teasing, Y/N decided to retaliate as she reached for the waistband of his boxers. In one smooth motion, she slipped her hand inside and stroked his length, shivering in pleasure as she felt just how aroused he was.

"A-Ahh...no, Y/N-chan. Don't!" Oikawa whimpered, his head falling onto her shoulder to stifle the lewd noises he made. He made no move to stop her though, and hearing him gasping in her ear only encouraged her further as she was resolute on pleasuring him this time. Quickening her hand's movements, Y/N began pumping harder, Oikawa's hips involuntarily jerking towards her.

She could tell that he was close. His hands gripped the sheets tightly, his body beginning to tremble at the sensations she induced in him. Running her thumb across the tip, he groaned in response, his lips making their way to her ear. "I-I'm close. Please stop...!"

"I don't think you really want that," she retorted playfully, completely lost in her own passion as she witnessed him becoming undone. "It's fine. Just come, Tooru."

Her words seemed to have finally pushed him over the edge and with a few quick strokes, he finally came, spilling himself onto her hand. He looked breathtaking as he did; his usually tousled hair now disheveled, his eyes squeezed shut, and his bottom lip in his teeth as he tried to hold back the lewd sounds he was making. Seeing him completely engulfed in his passion was a stark contrast to his usual flippant persona; it was one of the reasons why Y/N truly treasured such raw moments with him.

Panting slightly as he came down from his high, Oikawa recollected himself and reached for a towel, hastily wiping her hand clean. "Seriously, my girlfriend is such a handful."

"I don't know if you intended that pun, but you're welcome," she cheekily responded, wrapping her arms around Oikawa and pulling him close to her. They shared a brief moment of much-needed tranquility, listening to each other's steady heartbeats as they held one another. "I love you, Tooru."

He had heard those words countless times now, yet it still managed to make his heart race, making it always seem like he was hearing it for the first time. "I love you too, Y/N-chan. But I'm afraid to say that we're far from done."

"I was hoping you'd say that," she giggled as she noticed him growing hard once more. Pecking her lips, Oikawa reached for his drawer and rummaged around for a condom. He grabbed one and proceeded to put it on, pulling Y/N up to a sitting position once he was fully sheathed. Leaning back on the headboard, he pulled her onto his lap, helping her adjust her position as she straddled him.

Oikawa grinned mischievously as he smoothed her hair away from her face, his hands proceeding to gently grip her waist to provide support. "You wanted to reward me for working hard, right? How about you be on top tonight?"

Y/N audibly gulped. His offer was definitely appealing, however, a thought had occurred to her amid her muddled state-of-mind. "Wait, how about your back? Won't it hurt more?"

"You're here naked before me, ready to take me in. I can't be bothered about something as trivial as that."

Oikawa's blunt statement caused her breathing to hitch, her heart close to bursting at the raw passion and need it conveyed. Smirking slightly at her flustered state, he leant back and looked at her expectantly, making no attempt to move whatsoever. It didn't take long for Y/N to catch on to what he was expecting her to do.

Ugh, he's really being a bit mean tonight. Well...no complaints over here, though.

Oikawa watched as she tried to position herself, her hands gripping his shoulders for support. Lifting her hips up slightly, Y/N proceeded to lower herself onto him, unable to control the moans that slipped from her lips as she slowly adjusted to his girth. He bit his lip as she continued to take him in, the breathtaking sight pushing him on the verge of coming once more.

Shit...this is too hot.

With a thrust of her hips, Oikawa finally entered her, both of them moaning in pleasure at the sensation of him reaching the deepest parts of her. Y/N panted, her hips shifting as she lets herself become accustomed to the intrusion of his length. It had been a while after all, and she still couldn't seem to get used to how he manages to fit inside her given his rather remarkable size.

"Ugh...shit. Y/N-chan, are you okay?" Oikawa gasped out, peering at her in concern.

"Y-yeah, give me a sec." She shifted about on his lap, allowing him to reach even deeper spots inside her. Urgently joining their lips together, Y/N proceeded to take the lead as she thrust her hips, both of them swallowing each other's moans. It was uncomfortable at first, but the pleasure of their joined bodies overwhelmed both of their senses. In-between kisses, Oikawa took the opportunity to take the sight of his significant other before him, his own eyes beginning to well up with tears at the passion and love he felt for her.

"Tooru...can you go harder too?" She whimpered, the movement of her hips becoming more urgent and abrupt.

There's nothing that he would want more than to abide by her request and make a mess out of her. But, gathering all the willpower that he could muster, he shook his head in defiance. "N-no, we haven't done it in a while, I don't want to hurt you."

Completely overwhelmed with lust, Y/N stilled her movements and whispered directly into his ear. "Yeah that's right, we haven't done it in a while. So stop holding back and compensate me for it."

It was all the confirmation Oikawa needed as he felt himself grow even harder inside her. Something snapped in him as he smirked mischievously, his hands gripping her thighs tightly. "Saying things like that to rile me up, what am I going to do with you?"

Y/N barely had any time to process his words as Oikawa pushed her down once more. With their positions reversed, he made no move to pull out as he lifted her legs and wrapped them around his waist, allowing him to go even deeper than before. She yelped at the sudden sensation, her hands seeking out his neck to pull him closer to her. The overwhelming amount of pleasure had almost rendered her speechless as tears began to spill from her eyes. "This is what you wanted, right?" Oikawa questioned breathlessly, his hips snapping forward.

It was indescribable. Thrusting rhythmically, they succumbed to the passion as they continued to make love and pretty soon, Y/N felt her release fast-approaching once more. "T-tooru, I'm...wait!"

"Sorry, Y/N-chan. It's too late for that!" He increased his pace and began thrusting wilder then ever before, her legs tightening around his waist as her fingernails scraped across his back. It seemed like it hurt, but it only encouraged Oikawa further as he continued to make love to her relentlessly, showering her face and neck with kisses as he did.

They exchanged whispered words that affirmed their love for each other, and it wasn't long before he felt his own release building up as well. "T-tooru...!" She gasped, completely overcome with the ecstasy she felt. Gritting his teeth, he locked his gaze with hers and watched as she finally climaxed, her eyes squeezing shut as she thrust her hips along with his, riding out her release.

The sight of her coming undone below him, it was just too much. Oikawa gasped out her name as he did one final thrust, moaning uncontrollably as he felt himself coming as well. He couldn't help but collapse on top of her, the after-effects of the passion they shared evident in their languid bodies. He lifted his head and found Y/N smiling fondly at him, a dazed yet utterly adorable expression on her face. Returning her smile with a dopey one of his own, Oikawa proceeded to shower her face with kisses as he slowly pulled out of her.

As Y/N laid on his bed, her mind and body still reeling from the mind blowing sex they had just experienced, Oikawa grabbed some clean towels and proceeded to carefully clean her as he followed suit. He gently lifted and laid her next to him, throwing the covers over their naked bodies as they snuggled closer to each other. "Thank you, Tooru," she murmured appreciatively, his arms wrapping around her.

Despite their earlier passion, Oikawa couldn't help the feelings of guilt that started to well up within him. "Y/N-chan, I'm really sorry that I couldn't make enough time for you. But I promise that I'll keep on making an effort, who knows when we'd have another chance like this?"

Her heart clenched. She knew that his previous break-up was still fresh in his mind, and it was one of the reasons that drove Oikawa to near desperation in always making time for Y/N, fearing that she would eventually break up with him for the same reason. But, she didn't want that tying him down, especially seeing how much passion he had for volleyball and how much he worked harder than anyone else; she would want nothing more than to help him understand that.

Y/N reached over and tenderly swept his hair away from his face, his brown eyes wavering as they peered at her. "Of course there are times that I miss you. But you do your thing because you love it and you work harder than anyone else I know, so I just can't take that away from you. Seeing you work hard and do your best - if it makes you happy, then I'm happy too."

Oikawa's eyes widened as he digested Y/N's reassuring words, his heart overwhelmed with how much love he felt for her. "Y/N-chan..." He managed to choke out, completely at a loss on what to say.

I don't know what I did to deserve someone like her but thank You, whoever You are, for bringing her to me.

"But I swear to God, Oikawa Tooru. You better take extra care of yourself, alright? Or else I'm really going to kill you."

Oikawa couldn't help but let out a carefree laugh at her threat. Pulling his most precious person closer into his arms, he placed a gentle kiss atop her pouted lips. "Okay, okay. I'll keep that in mind."

[canaryatlaw]

okay, I'm tired but today was good. Up at 7 and into the office, same old same old. We only had a few interns on the schedule today, so it was much quieter than yesterday, but we still managed to get some stuff filed. It also gave me an opportunity to finish up all the paperwork from yesterday, so that was good. A few difficult cases, but that's nothing unusual. but yeah, good if slightly uneventful day. I left a bit after 5 and headed home, I was craving pasta (again) so we put in an uber eats order while on my way home. my legs tremors have been bad again this week, which is especially unfortunate since it's the week I'm in the office and commuting 4 out of 5 days. So far I've been able to avoid an incident where it reaches an uncontrollable level and I just am literally unable to walk, and like, as long as it doesn't reach that level I'm kinda just ignoring it even when I know that's a bad idea, but it just doesn't feel like an actual problem yet? Like I feel like I'm being overdramatic if it's not actively interfering with my ability to walk, which it hasn't been so far, so is it really a problem? ugh. still keeping my cane in my purse and will be making sure I have it for the con we're going to at the end of the month. but yeah, I made it home okay, we watched our weekly kpop chart video (Kep1er still the most viewed kpop music video of the year!!!) and ate our food when it arrived (took a while, but oh well). We then watched a few episode of the Christmas cake show we've been watching, and roommate then headed to bed. I stayed up a while longer doing my thing before showering and getting ready for bed, and now I'm here. Like I said, feeling sleepy, so I'm going to go to bed now. Goodnight friends. Stay lovely.

[thefreshfinds]

P.Dot: The Separation

By: Natalee Gilbert

Once the "uhn" escapes from his lips, P.Dot goes off with rhymes and reason.

As he caters to the highest form of himself, P.Dot keeps in mind that spreading the word is imperative. And so, P.Dot ventures into his gangsta appeal for those who didn't get the message. By popular demand, he supplies the hip-hop scene with what it needs. Through means of realness, P.Dot claps back at clout chasers and weeds out the fakes (while sprinkling some of that greenery in a wrap of course). Likewise, he opens up to soundscapes about the hard-knock life. And although his days might be numbered, P.Dot still makes them count. Overrall, P.Dot uses an impressive way of thinking in witty punchlines, grit and worldy advice. Thus, creating that "shock-and-awe" effect throughout the listen. Although some try throwing shade, the MC doesn't let it interfere with his light. As mentioned in part 101 of his weekly segment, #BARSFROMTHECAR, P.Dot remains solid and never folds because it’s easy to bend. “Class is in session, you ain't dealing with a substitute." P.Dot adds.

P.Dot's latest album, THE SEPARATION stresses others to find the silver lining in every scenario. At times reflective, each track serves as an outlet. Essentially, the album's theme revolves around betrayal, lost even love. But in turn, THE SEPARATION encourages others to work on theirselves rather than dwell on another’s actions. Thanks to the album's dark, eerie soundscape P.Dot is able to strike fear into his enemies. Likewise, P.Dot also uses clever ties when facing a partly sampled beat. For instance, "50/50" uses a snippet of Drake's production in "Free Smoke." Taking it further, P.Dot says in this phrase "I got pistols for n*ggas that want smoke about it." as a play on "Free Smoke's" underlying message. On the whole, THE SEPARATION comes loaded with assertive 808's, rhymes and features who keep the same energy. P.Dot adds "Words were always powerful to me. I learned how and why they affected me. Then, learned how to evoke the same feelings I got from other people's words into mine."

Starting off, "50/50" helps all listeners get the gist of THE SEPARATION. With a pistol for "n*ggas that want smoke about it," P.Dot comes gully through the speaker about those who clout chase. Besides this, "50/50" adds a flair to Drake's song "Free Smoke." by speeding up the tempo with slits of heavy base. Regardless he's good. All he's focused on the green and staying clear of phonies.

With urgency, “LAWD HAVE MERCY” tells the human race to be more attentive. Turning back the hands of time, P.Dot addresses through cut-throat rhymes police brutality and racism. In “LAWD HAVE MERCY's" backdrop, wails induce the pain felt by our people. Together with drums and an elevating harmony, listeners are struck with fear. Little do they know, African Americans deal with this on a daily basis. Aside from this, P.Dot pays homage to those who’ve died because of their skin color. He also shows off Black excellence with a subtle flex. And even pokes at the brain of others. Ultimately, “LAWD HAVE MERCY” says in mid-phrase that “we may fall down but we still get up.” Just like the emcee's previous work, “LAWD HAVE MERCY” sanctifies the wicked and nonbelievers. Through a fighter’s spirit, P.Dot projects his voice from start to end. By the horns “LAWD HAVE MERCY” grabs discrimination and stomps on top with anger.

Coupled with a repetive chant and revved-up base, "THE SEPARATION" proves that P.Dot is only made for greatness. Embodying an unstoppable work grind in this one line "I don't get tired, really feel like I'm Kevin Gate-ing." he takes the bad with the good. After all, pressure makes diamonds and P.Dot claims whats rightfully his: Notoriety.

From the get-go, P.Dot is hesitant to trust. In one line, he even says "Let me battle my own demons, like you're battling yours." But "GLORY" comes with no means to offend. Instead, it sheds light on why P.Dot moves the way he does. Off the rip, P.Dot expected for close ones and business partners to keep it real. Unfortunately though, they tried biting off the hand that fed them. So P.Dot kept himself guarded all the while staying money-oriented. To attest this is one of many clever punchlines that are used mid-song. Here, he says "You been looking real fake, I spot a real snake/I'm getting green in this field with a real rake/A couple n-ggas got bread. I want a real plate/ So why beef & kill the cow to get a real steak?/I be "walking on water", they throwing pennies in it/I work too m'f hard to be penny pitching."

“BABY BABY BABY” steps in the name of love like its predecessor. As this particular song draws inspiration from Alicia Key’s song “You Don’t Know My Name,” it manages to find a unique rhythm. Specifically, the roles switch as P.Dot admires a woman whose “a sure thing." In response to Alicia’s presumptions about her crush knowing who she is, P.Dot plays a bit with her melodic refrain “baby, baby, baby.” With Key's message in mind, P.Dot thinks of his own lover. In retrospect, she’s been holding it down. And so, he insists that he’s not a boo or man. Because of all they’ve dealt with she's not only a lover but a friend. Besides this, a love-struck P.Dot boasts with glee about her many attributes. To him, everything about her is just so perfect. One line that deserves recognition in “BABY BABY BABY” goes like this: "Couple n*ggas takin' shots, but nothing Curry bout them." The song alone proves that loyalty lies with P.Dot indefinitely.

Drawing influence from his segment, #BARSFROMTHECAR — P.Dot adds more hard bars onto it in “SURVIVAL feat. Allezy.” Beat wise, this track uses an eerie piano progression and sneaker-knocking base. Lyrically however, P.Dot uses notable punchlines like "remain solid, never fold cause it’s easy to bend." To prove that “class is in session” and that others “ain't dealing with a substitute." Closing it out, Alleazy expresses himself through undeniably solid rhymes. In a word this song speaks on seeing the light in the darkest of times.

“WRONG SON (featuring. Pressure, KYY and Quis Chandla)” consist of some heavy hitters from New Jersey. Anonymously naming itself as a gangster anthem, the trio bring out the gully through intellectually crafted rhymes and hard cadences. Beat wise, “WRONG SON” uses a heavy base, some sirens, bells and a faint echo in its backdrop. To summarize, this track address the haters and fakes all while daring them to stop being social media thugs. Notable lines like “No burial for corpses/scheduled to burn./And on his tombstone, here lies another rapper whos a waste of sperm.” from Chandla go to prove that they have no time for B.S. On the whole, “WRONG SON” spooks those who doubt their excellence. No cap, they say “If I can shine alone, I can grind alone.”

With deep confliction and a heavy heart, “PERKS DNT NUMB” indicates that P.Dot will achieve his dreams with or without a team. Although actions speak louder than words, P.DOT wishes both would correlate. Preferably, he’d love others to keep it a 100. But for now, he’ll weed out all snakes from the Garden State. Likewise, P.Dot makes a point about the music industry and social media frenzied generation. For self recognition, both rappers play the numbers game and mock fake sincerity. Lines like "....but led in the metal for n*ggas tryna erase me," take a jab at the retort, “I'm rubber, you're glue; whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.” Overall, the song insinuates that P.Dot is good regardless. To take it home, “PERKS DNT DIE” adds a faint trumpet progression, hi-hats and snares in it’s soundscape.

Sometimes, people just don't know what they have until it's gone. Funnily enough, "TRIFFLIN (PURPLE HEART)" lives by that phrase. On opposing sides, the blame goes to a woman who just couldn't stick around for the long haul. Although he's angry, a logical P.Dot takes it to the booth. Thus, manifesting bars that come with the wrath. Referencing to the title, P.Dot says '(PURPLE HEART)' is an indication of a real one’s survival. Sonically, a dark piano progression foreshadows the pain he’s feeling. Likewise, the base comes with a mental socker-punch and takes P.Dot's not-so playful demeanor home.

In “CONCRETE ROSE ” P.Dot keeps a fighting spirit. Even though, he’s focused on the present — P.Dot can’t help but wonder if he’ll leave a legacy before the casket drops. Additionally, P.Dot opens up about his fear of dying young. Often, he references to his brother’s death but it’s only to show appreciation and face the man in the mirror staring back. With no return, P.Dot is “on a marathon until his time is done.” As mentioned in the song, he’ll run until his feet hurt and knee burst. On God, P.Dot prays to be felt before it’s time to go. Truly, he lives and dies by music. Sonically, the beat leans more towards somber instrumentations. As a whole “Concrete Rose” abides by the common phrase, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

Juxtaposed with an up-beat soundscape and remorseful lyrics, “EYE DON’T featuring D.Eeastwood and Fat Trap” speaks on the one that got away. Although he loved his woman immensely, P.Dot admits to not appreciating her enough. Revealing the story behind P.Dot and his loves split, “EYE DON’T” says, "I got a heart with brick walls & a seal around it/Gave you the finger when you tried to put a ring around it."

Second to last, “PROGRESSION feat. Chevy and Dibasi” starts off with a trumpet, hi-hats, a lo-fi synth, and dark piano riff. Besides providing a backdrop of earworthy auto-tune, P.Dot lets the listener hear his inner thoughts. Even though some people can be wishy-washy, P.Dot doesn’t let it phase him. Instead he beats the odds, by counting his blessings. Honestly he’s more focused on his progress than another’s occurrence. Like P.Dot, Dibasi and Chevy go in with nothing but real bars. Ultimately, they come with the same energy as the MC: inspired.

Last but not least, P.Dot finds himself on the ladder to success and he just can’t afford to miss a step. So, without breaking a leg, he treads precautiously with solid rhymes and reason in “MAKE A DOLLA.” Production wise, hi-hats bang in. Then, a dark piano riff arises to strike fear into his enemies. Still, "MAKE A DOLLA's” biggest distinguisher are the futuristic synths which go to prove that the days ahead consist of good fortune. To say the least, P.Dot refuses to be anything but fake. Out of his bag, he collects the coin and gets to work!

If you haven't already, stream THE SEPARATION now. It is available on Apple Music and Spotify.

LINKS:

1. Instagram - @pdotmmr

2. THE SEPARATION -