#but tumblr some reason makes them literally giant if you put it alone on a line and it's SO STUPID

[rockitmans]

Smart With Math, Stupid With Love (1/8)

Summary: Kurt just wants to survive Senior Year and maybe get a date with Sam. He doesn't need the new resident "Bad Boy" (more like Boy Band) to cause any complications. But it's hard to ignore a good offer when it comes along. Calculus lessons in exchange for Lessons In Love. God he must be desperate.

Notes: Happy Klaine-iversary and idk some Caesar thing that's happening. *Throws fic*

Warnings: Canon consistent homophobia and bullying. Boys being idiots.

~~~~

"Have you seen the new guy?" Rachel is on Kurt the second he steps into the choir room. "He has that James Dean bad boy swagger with classic Hollywood good looks. Completely dreamy. If his voice anywhere near matches his body, he would be the perfect male lead to look at me adoringly while I sing to him."

"I thought you liked Finn?" It's all Kurt can manage under this sudden onslaught of information. 

"I've realized I need someone more committed to keeping up with my talent," Rachel says airily. 

"You mean he's still dating Quinn," Mercedes mutters and Rachel's retort is silenced by the arrival of Mr Schue. 

~~~

"His name is Blaine Anderson," Tina announces to the group at large, the following day at lunch. "I heard he transferred because he burnt his previous school to the ground." She looks thrilled. 

"So he's an arsonist." Rachel tosses her head dismissively. 

"That don't impress you much?" Santana asks drily."So he's got the firepower, but has he got the touch ."

"I bet he does, have you seen him?" Rachel says. "He and I would have the cutest vaguely Eurasian looking babies."

Kurt chokes. 

"And his butt," Tina sighs. "It looks like it's been sculpted out of marble." 

"I need to have a conversation with you two about your priorities," Kurt says.

"Don't worry, Kurt, he's not actually an arsonist," Artie chips in unexpectedly. "He was just having an affair with his art teacher." It's his turn to look dreamy. "What a legend."

"Artie, ew." Tina slaps at his shoulder while Rachel launches into a lecture about the inappropriateness of teacher-student relationships. Mercedes coughs something that sounds suspiciously like “Mr Schue.”

Kurt internally prays for silence. 

Read on AO3

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 309: Gotta Go My Own Way

Previously on BnHA: Muscular was all “well if it isn’t the protagonist on his solo journey of self-discovery, for some reason I’m unironically glad I get to fight you!” Deku was all “hey Muscular before I finish kicking your ass would you please take a moment to answer these two survey questions? Question one, do you regret being a total piece of shit? And question two, if you could do anything at all in the world other than being a total piece of shit, would you?” Muscular was all, “pfft, no and no.” Deku was all, “thanks buddy, your feedback helps make me a better hero, here’s a coupon for fifteen percent off your next ass-whooping.” Then he whooped his ass.

Today on BnHA: Deku is all “what up All Might can you believe you’ve been here this entire time?” All Might is all “I sure can since that’s literally my catch phrase, anyway how are your magic movie 1 gauntlets holding up?” Deku is all “they’re holding up fine, how are Hawks, Endeavor, and Best Jeanist doing?” Hawks, Endeavor, and Best Jeanist are all “we, your fellow co-conspirators, are also doing fine, thanks for asking!” Flashback!Deku is all “anyway so I secretly have All Might’s quirk and the most dangerous people in the world are after me, so sorry mom but that’s why I’m dropping out of school.” Inko is all “I CAN’T ACCEPT THAT” while totally accepting it. All Might is all “I GUESS WE’LL JUST HAVE TO GO ALONG WITH IT SINCE I DON’T FEEL LIKE TRYING TO STOP HIM.” Hawks, Jeanist, and Endeavor, as previously mentioned, are all “yeah that sounds like a good plan”, and Gran is all “see ya kid, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” So basically everyone in the entire world has suddenly teamed up with Deku to defeat AFO, except for the one person whose entire foreshadowed endgame is “teaming up with Deku to defeat AFO.” O Kacchan where art thou.

dear tumblr image limit: okay look. you don’t like me, and I don’t like you. but just as an experiment, I’m gonna try writing this recap with as few images as possible and we’ll see how it goes

(ETA: spoilers for how it went: it didn’t, lol.)

oh my god WHY ARE WE OPENING WITH MORE KETSUBUTSU ACADEMY KIDS.ffs we’d better at least finally get some Ms. Joke content out of this

(ETA: seriously who do I have to bribe.)

so these two KB kids who no one cares about are watching Deku leap away from the scene after dispatching Muscular. but more importantly wtf is this chapter title omg. “I can’t stay being a child” so that’s how it is huh. we’re gonna have feels and we’re going to like them. well then

oh my god he’s hauling Muscular away dhfksklfkh okay this is gonna have to be our first image because I can’t fucking help myself. look at this

just. Deku is so tiny and he’s carting away this massive unconscious lump of a man like it’s nothing why is this so funny to me. it’s like when people buy furniture, and they don’t want to pay extra for delivery and so they’re like, “I can definitely fit this king-sized mattress in the back of my compact sedan if I fold the fucking seat down, idk.” and they refuse to be talked out of it, and the next thing you know you’re watching them drive home with their open trunk door haphazardly tied down with bungee cords, and somehow it fucking works. because it turns out the compact sedan has super strength

anyway for SOME REASON now Horikoshi is all “have fun with that Deku, meanwhile we now return you to your regularly scheduled SHINDOU CONTENT” whyyyyyy

look at this. we’re really using up a whole fucking entire page on everyone arguing over who gets the honor of carrying Shindou

love how the civilians are all, “shit lol is this actually our fault?? quick, how do we play this off all casual like we were the reasonable parties here all along”

turns out all it took to finally get them to listen was making them watch while a kid got his insides ground into a pulp because of their stupidity!! what a heartwarming conclusion to this little standoff

anyways THANK GOD we’re cutting back to Deku now!! well actually we’re cutting back to Muscular who is being dropped off at the police precinct, good bye and good riddance lol

so Deku’s leaving him there and bounding away and okjdlSKFJLKJDSL OH MY GOD

no fucking way. no fucking way this little jaunt is All Might-sanctioned and approved. are you serious?? then who else is in on this?? what the hell is going on

so All Might is just WAITING FOR HIM IN AN ALLEY FFF WHO ARE YOU, JIM GORDON. or would Alfred be a better analogy here?? but like, Alfred if he ditched the suit for a moto jacket and shades

this new ensemble of All Might’s may or may not severely impact my ability to take this forthcoming conversation seriously; please stand by

also, quite the spectacular landing there, Deku. seriously lol what was that

“HOW ARE YOUR LIMBS” “THANKS TO YOU THEY’RE COMPLETELY FINE” I’M SORRY WHAT

LOL WHAT. “THANKS TO THE POWER OF THESE MAGIC GLOVES” OH I SEE THAT EXPLAINS IT

are these the same gauntlets from the first movie, then? well that’s all well and good, except that now there’s going to be more Deku Discourse than fucking ever lol. so if it’s all the same to you guys, I’m gonna once again go ahead and declare this week’s post a discourse-free zone, at least when it comes to the specific discourse of Deku’s merits as a MC, and the impact that him kicking ass and having working arms has on said merits. this has been something of a low mental energy week for me, so I’d rather reserve the energy I do have for more fun topics, such as All Might’s bitchin’ leather jacket

anyway so All Might’s saying that the gauntlets will help reinforce Deku’s arms, but they can’t withstand OFA at 100%. so basically it’s a support item designed to maintain the status quo lol. we’re basically in the same situation we were before, arm-capability-wise

homg All Might’s getting a call. time to see who else is in on Operation: Deku Alone?? or not so alone for that matter

omg

HI HAWKS, WHERE ARE YOUR WINGS

(ETA: seriously are they really gone for good?? why would he even be back on active duty then?? does he have his own American ex-boyfriend who can hook him up with exclusive support items?? dammit Horikoshi we want answers.)

looks like Jeanist and Endeavor are teaming up as well, just like they said they would. I would gladly follow this trio around all day long tbh

is this the same giant villain from the very first chapter??

looks like it to me, and it would tie in with that callback from the end of chapter 306. we all thought that was Muscular, but maybe it was this guy, and Deku left these three to deal with him while he ran off to take Muscular down

oh my god now Deku is running off again just like that

kids these days

ffffff I have not had nearly enough sleep to follow along with whatever tf Hawks is talking about here sob

like, is he trying to say that All Might is keeping Deku’s whereabouts unknown to anyone except for him?? in order to keep him safe?? but Hawks is pointing out that that’s a bad strategy and probably won’t do shit against AFO and it’s better if he lets Deku work with the rest of them?

(ETA: so @hanashimas​’ translation makes a lot more sense -- it’s not All Might who’s being overprotective, but Deku. in other words he’s trying not to drag All Might into his battles. and in addition Hawks is saying that their strategy is to take the offensive and go after AFO themselves rather than wait for him to come to them. which I’m not too sure about myself, but that’s another topic for another day.)

btw I can’t help thinking how much better this entire conversation would be if All Might was still wearing his sunglasses. put them back on my dude. it’s not too late. embrace your inner badass

DKLJSLDKFJL FLASHBACK ALERT, FUCKING FINALLY

“turns out, we were just trying to scare you straight. fuck lot of good that did though lol”

also what is this. one true love: the hospital bed. is that a scanlator joke or is Horikoshi actually that funny omg

SKLJDFLJLK

ITSA ME!! omg I love this hospital so much. though it’s sure not helping me in my quest to try and keep this post below ten images. I’m already up to eleven haha r.i.p. to me if tumblr doesn’t get its shit together

whaaaaaat, so he’s saying that Deku’s injuries were external (i.e. Tomura beating the shit out of him) rather than internal this time?? whaaaaat. excuse me but that’s some bullshit lmao. believe me, I was there

okay now he’s going on to explain that Deku’s “internal structure” seems to have been protected from the inside and out, and the corresponding panel seems to be implying that using Blackwhip as a brace paid off. huh

and also that his body is just stronger now?? so I guess he’s better able to withstand the quirk after an additional year of training?? I’M NOT SURE IF I BUY ANY OF THIS LOL but I’m willing to suspend my disbelief

OH MY GOD RED ALERT, INKO IS ASKING ALL MIGHT TO EXPLAIN WTAF DEKU’S QUIRK IS, IS IT FINALLY THAT TIME OMGGGG

SO HE’S EXPLAINING IT TO HER OFF-SCREEN, AND INKO IS JUST LIKE

I GUESS THAT’S FAIR LOL. IT’S TRUE INKO I’M SO SORRY, YOUR SON IS A PROGATONIST R.I.P.

AHHKKJH DEKU ANGST IS IT FINALLY THAT TIME OMGGGGGG

what is this soft pop beat that’s suddenly being pumped in over the speakers. I’VE GOT TO MOVE ON~ AND BE WHO~ I~ AM~~~, I JUST DON’T BELONG HERE, I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAAAAAAAND. also, follow-up question, when is Kacchan finally going to come back so he can jump in with the “WHAT ABOUT US~~~” bridge, huh. come the fuck on, Horikoshi

lmao All Might jesus christ

but given that it’s a stupid-ass decision...

anyway, yes!! finally that sweet, sweet “I don’t want to put anyone else in danger” angst!!

mmm that’s good angst Brent. Kacchan with center panel honors as usual, you love to see it. anyways though who do I have to yell at to get Deku a goddamn HUG around here seriously

so Inko is of course reacting with panic, and sensibly saying that she doesn’t approve of Deku’s “RUN AWAY AND FIGHT THE BAD GUYS ALL ON MY OWN, DON’T WORRY MOM I’LL JUST GET STRONGER, EASY AS PIE, IT’S A FOOLPROOF STRATEGY” plan

son of a bitch this manipulative green asshole is really gonna sit here and smile fondly at his mom and try to convince her that he’s Not A Little Kid Anymore. the hell you’re not mister

y'all are really just gonna sit there and let him talk you into this?? surely it can’t be that easy??

OH MY GOD

THE FEELS oh my god oh my god. BUT ALSO YOU’RE SERIOUSLY JUST GOING TO COLLAPSE INTO HIS ARMS SOBBING AND LET HIM DO WHATEVER THE FUCK HE WANTS LKJLJLFK. WHERE ARE ALL THE STRICT PARENTS AT?? AIZAWA, GANG ORCA, MITSUKI, SOMEONE PLEASE COME AND TELL DEKU TO SIT HIS ASS THE FUCK DOWN. NOW LISTEN HERE YOUNG MAN!!

“EVEN IF I TRY TO STOP YOU YOU’LL STILL LEAVE” WELL SURE, IF BY “TRY TO STOP HIM” YOU MEAN POLITELY TRY TO TALK HIM OUT OF IT FOR THREE SECONDS. HE’S SIXTEEN WTF WHEN DID HE BECOME THE BOSS OF YOU ALL. SOMEONE NEEDS TO COME AND TELL HIM HE’S GROUNDED

anyway sob so that’s the story of how Deku talked his parents into letting him drop out of school, and even convinced All Might to be his own personal Guy In The Chair. holy shit. this kid really went and rolled a nat 20 and the rest of them had no choice but to fold without argument

meanwhile here’s a panel of Best Jeanist trying to braid his phone into his hair just cuz

I’m dying to know which part of his language he considers to be crude here. you literally didn’t even use a contraction my guy

so now flashback!Deku is talking to Gran in the dark, and Gran is all “can you believe I’m not fucking dead yet lol that’s too funny. anyway, you sure I can’t interest you in killing Tomura after all?? no?? okay then here’s my cape.” truly a heartwarming scene

I’m kind of torn here tbh. on the one hand, my adhd ass wasn’t all that interested in sitting down and having an extended scene between these two when there’s so much else that I want to get to. but on the other hand, even I can admit that cramming this entire reunion into a single page seems just a BIT rushed. idk. like maybe someone can let Horikoshi know it’s a marathon and not a race. Deku didn’t even get any dialogue here, some of us want to know his thoughts!! but anyway

AND JUST LIKE THAT?!

how did all four of them let him con them into this. I literally just watched it happen and I still can’t figure out how. “I GUESS THIS SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUT IS OUR LEADER NOW” ffflfjf. when Aizawa finds out he’s gonna go apeshit. AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON BAKUGOU KATSUKI, WHO I HAVE BEEN ASSURED DOES IN FACT STILL EXIST. WHAT ABOUT USSSSS, WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING WE’VE BEEN THROUGH. WHAT ABOUT TRUST???! YOU KNOW I NEVER WANTED TO HURT YOUUUUU

btw lol don’t get me wrong, I am enjoying this, and I’m honestly glad Deku’s not alone because that would suck for him! but that said, Hawks and Jeanist have lost any credibility they might have once had as far as being The Responsible Ones, and as for All Might and Endeavor, fucking hell lol. everyone just deposited all of their fucks in a bank somewhere for safekeeping and decided to never look back. godspeed you mad lads

[worstloki]

Top Forty Thor-Being-Thor Moments from Thor 1

just absolute dumb*ssery that this 7yr old kid’s life goal is to “hunt down the monsters and slay them all”. I’ll go easy on him here and let the Thor/Loki expressions do the talking because of “...just like you did Father” but seriously can his hands even fit around a sword handle??? this kid isn’t even punching the air right??? if there was a sword in his hand he would’ve cut his head with the way he’s moving???? pure tiny-himbo energy here just look at that >:o face he’s making. contrasts very nicely with Loki’s ‘,:|. 10/10. such a baby idiot.

“the jotuns must pay for what they have done! they broke into the weapons vault! if the frost giants had stolen even one of these relics!” thor. thor please. can you even name one of these relics. thor. hey thor. thor. shut up. “well, what would you do about this?” odin asks him. “march into jotunheim! like you once did! break their spirits! so they’ll never try anything like this again!” wow okay so we’ve fast-forwarded by like a thousand years and thor is still going on about genocide. huh. that’s funny, i thought loki was the genocidal one. hmm. i also just realized that the loki exclusive clip gives loki the same hairstyle thor has here so do what you will with that information.

0/10. horrible. terrible. i dont care how angy thor is about not getting to kill some jotuns or become king today this very instant, that is a tremendous waste of food. an absolute fool. how can he just remorselessly throw the bread to the floor. if loki stabbed him when he was 7 he would deserve it for this table flip alone. what a privileged white *ssh*le.

loki came skulking around a corner and suggested not to go to jotunheim and not only did thor not suspect anything but he also then went on to decide to go to jotunheim. 10/10 himbo material. 

if tumblr didn’t have a picture limit i would put every instance of thor smiling in this list because look at that stupid smile. he’s such an idiot. 11/10. this is the thor content i’m here for.

“I have no plans to die today” thor says with the stupidest open-mouthed smirking smile ever captured on film. right after he also told heimdall not to tell anyone they’re gone. he’s literally planned to strand them on jotunheim. thor’s grand plan was to strange themselves on jotunheim and also start a fight. i repeat: thor’s plan was to successfully slay all the frost giants and not need to return until they’re all gone. what an absolute d*mb*ss. this is getting ridiculous. this was originally a top-ten-thor moments list but i’m not even twenty minutes in so i’ll have to extend the list. thor. thor are you listening? thor, you’re such an idiot.

“HOW DID YOUR PEOPLE GET INTO ASGARD?!” thor you sweet sweet summer idiot, please, i am beggin,g you,, learn to rea,d , a room,, literally everyone else who came with you is regretting it, there is complete silence and only the rumble of the opposing king is meeting your “I AM THOR, SON OF ODIN”s, please, please take some notes from Loki, or, you know, literally anyone else in the room, since everyone is asking you to get out of this realm while you still can,

thor’s stupid smile makes an appearance after he gets called a princess and decides to fight a whole realm over it. you know what? thor is a princess. he’s the prettiest princess in all the lands. what’s thor gonna do about it? is he going to fight me too? I hope he does the stupid grin first. minus 15 points for the sexism. thor is a complete and utter sadistic fool who needs to get a hobby. seriously, he’s 1500 years old and still going on and on about slaying all the frost giants. boi, i hate to break it to you, but your dad is not the best or only example of greatness out there. i don’t think your dad even qualifies as an example of that. 

“THEN. GO!” 🥰 ahh yes, just thor thingz 🥰🥰 like when one friend has had his arm burnt 🥰 and another friend has been impaled and needs medical attention, 🥰🥰 and all the rest of your friends are yelling for you, 🥰 and your brother is telling you they must go, 🥰 and you decide to buy everyone time by laughing maniacally and killing more frosties because you care for them and dont find joy in destruction like a loon 🥰🥰🥰 

THIS is the iconic Thor moment that makes my day whenever I think about it. Just Thor, an absolute bumbering 6′6′’ giant boodlusting dummy sees Odin and just decides to yell “FATHAA!! WE’LL FINISH THEM TOGETHAAA!” as if the last thing Odin told him wasn’t “no, thor, we’re not going to do anything to the frost giants, do not go after them and try to kill them all.” 11/10 d*mb*assery right here folks, I couldn’t ask for Thor to be more of a fool. This is PEAK Thor energy. Look at that face. I feel like Thor spends half this movie with his nostrils flared. I love it.

okay i gotta give thor credit for rightfully calling odin “an old man and a fool” but also there was not even 1 frame of the scene where Thor had a decent face so now all i see is >:O >:| >:o >:[ when i watch that scene. yelling at odin was great, not yelling at odin after he HUAERGHed at loki was less great, but to be fair it’s thor and he is the definition of Peak D*mb*ss. 

thor literally GROWLS and starts yelling “HAMMAA?? HAMMER??” over and over. He was hit by a van, he fainted, he woke up and started growling. I don’t know what else there is to say about this.

“you dare threaten me? puny human?”. so. uhh. basically. Thor knew she was threatening him? He KNEW she had a weapon? instead he made a face and started yelling as he tried to walk his way closer????? thor you complete and utter dum dum. you frickin hairball-for-brains. im not even surprised darcy tasered him. with that kind of face, i’d taser him too.

when you wake up in an unknown place to a person smiling at you without a stupid smile, the first step is always to attack first and ask questions later 😌😌😌 (but seriously thor you imbecile why didn’t you ask where you were instead of throwing multiple people around the room and getting your butt needled. you clueless buffoon. you’ll remain a clueless buffoon if you don’t listen to anyone.)

just a quick recap but thor was knocked unconscious by a van and these people kidnapped him aboard and the next scene we see him in he’s checking himself out in  mirror after presumably changing right there in the open?????? these are the things that make thor thor. any other character and i’d question it so much, but this is thor, and i truly believe this is in-character for him. just change in the open because why not? thor is a beefcake and that’s his only redeeming quality and he knows it. 10/10 thor moment. 

I am now convinced that Thor saw Jane and “5k van-hitter to lover slow-burn height-difference himbo-scientist trope” flashed through his mind.

“but no more smashing!” Jane says, and then Thor proceeds to check her out and smile unlike an idiot and like a douche. was this his version of flirting???? i’m not one to decide, but yes, yes it was. He threw a cup to the ground and broke it, and she’s getting mad at him and berating him about it, and he’s liking it. y’all i’m sorry to break it to you like this, but thor has a canon fetish. i am so, so sorry.

im DYING. THAT ISN’T EVEN A KISS, HIS MOUTH IS OPEN. he SMUSHES his mouth around her knuckle???? WHY. I can’t keep noticing things like this. send help. please. Jane’s response makes so much more sense now; she’s laughs for a solid 3 seconds and shakes her head and is like “uhh, thank you? ahaha,” and then she keeps looking back longingly when walking away. they are doing this in PLAIN sight of EVERYONE. Darcy and Erik are standing RIGHT THERE, and Thor is doing weird things to her with his mouth. I’m out. I am done here. goodbye. 

return of the stupid smile AND the douche smile in quick succession through the entire trip. their entire dialogue is peppered with innuendo. “I’ve never done anything like this before. have you ever done anything like this before?” “many times, but you are brave to do it.” “I have nothing else to lose.” “ah but you are clever, far more clever than anyone else on this realm.” “realm? rEaLm?” “you think me strange?” “yes” “good strange or bad strange?” “I haven’t decided yet.” I AM DYING OVER THIS. plus, we get Return Of The Himbo with Jane asking after Einstein Rosen bridges and Thor is like “uh, actually, more like a rainbow bridge 😜🤪” i feel so sorry for jane here, didn’t know how much of a d*mb*ss Thor was when signing up for this van-trip and knuckle-sucking 😭😭😭 i also no longer have questions about how the trip that SHOULD HAVE BEEN A HALF-HOUR ONE turned into one that LASTED TILL THE SUN WENT FROM THE MIDDLE OF THE SKY TO SETTING by the time they arrived. I have no questions. please. I don’t want to know what they were doing in that van. please no. don’t make me think about it.

thor’s plan had 3 steps and they were 1. give jane his jacket 2. walk in and get his hammer 3. fly out. that was literally his plan. he had the first “I have a plan. attack.” moment in the MCU. pure concentrated 0-brain-cells energy right here. how can you not stan this king of d*mb*ssery. look at him, flaunting his big boy muscles. he’s about get his hammer and fly out, like he just told jane with a trademark stupid-smile.

crop-top hair-mop thor is my favourite thor. the way the entire fight scene parallels a hamster in a maze only exemplifies the thor vibes for some inexplicable reason.

“you’re big. fought bigger.” + Thor douche-smile + subtext from earlier + rolling around passionately in the mud = not a happy me. 

I swear i’m not making up this romantic subtext but it’s barely even subtext. the entire scene leading up to Thor’s attempt at lifting the hammer is actually filmed erotically. I’m not kidding. First there’s a shot where Thor pulls aside a hamster-cage-wall blind which mirrors a shower-curtain, and THEN he walks around the hammer while smiling douche-ly at it, we get a few close-ups to his face which are shot from angles slightly lower than himself, giving him an aire of superiority, plus the music adds to this, he reaches out for the hammer’s handle with a mud-covered arm in the rain, in non-slow-motion slow-motion, and he wraps his arm around it, like, he fully twists his arm, unecessarily sexually, around it as he grabs the hammer. This is not okay. On the plus side, it makes the movie much more entertaining,, on the down side,,.

im not going to call Thor dumb for not knowing he’s not worthy. im not going to. because odin literally whispered the enchantment to mjolnir after he’d thrown thor to midgard. it is very funny watching thor grunt in frustration though. he starts yelling because he couldn’t lift the hammer and just lets himself get caught. like, dude, get a life, go buy a new weapon from the store, seriously. he mourns for the hammer on-screen longer than he does for loki. he also looks like he’s in far more pain here. he becomes catatonic and unresponsive after this, but when loki dies he’s already feasting the same afternoon. 10/10 dum dum thor material. never change thor, never change. (that’s code for please change, thor, please,)

thor trying to establish dominance wherever he goes is the funniest thing because at this point he’s being a complete asgardian *ss about it and it’s reaching points of pettiness never seen before. side note: he is possibly flirting with selvig too. maybe. i’m not saying anything happened, but Thor’s openning lines when bringing him home carried over his shoulder are “he’s fine, not injured at all,” followed with an apology to selvig, and an explanation to jane which consisted only of “we drank, we fought, he made his ancestors proud,” and then he puts the man to bed and before he falls asleep erik says “i still don’t believe you’re the g*d of th*nder, but you ought to be,” so... your choice, i guess...

thor’s got his trademark stupid smile and stupidly takes jane’s life’s work notebook and starts doodling in it about trees. the last time his father told him this story about Yggdrasil was when he was 5 and he clearly hasn’t payed attention to any lesson about anything since and it shows so so much. thank you thor. very insightful knowledge you’re passing on hear. ‘i come from a world where [science and magic] are one and the same,’ ok great, now elaborate on that please. oh, right, you can’t because you’re thor, my bad, 20/10 thor behaviour. he couldn’t even doodle nicely. all his lines are wobbly. epic art fail. i wouldn’t trust him near my sketchbook with a 2B pencil.

THIS is thor’s realization face. in case anyone was interested in what ‘dawning truth’ looked like on him. 😰😪 THIS is the face of a thinker, of a man betrayed by his own beloved brother for unprecedented reasons. look at the nuance in his expression. 😩😩😩 so many emotions, I can’t even count them all 😩💯😪

stupid smile and “do not worry my friends, i have a plan,” he says, “i’ll just try and abuse the fact that Loki’s super selfless and kind and has no self worth to my benefit as i have countless times before which is exactly what he’s rightfully angry about this time,” he doesn’t think to himself because that is NOT the smile of someone who is thinking... like, at all. +10000 points to gryffinthor. the d*mb*ssery really jumps out.

“im sorry bro for whatever i did and whatever you’re blaming me for as an excuse to do this, im sorry bro, but you’re disturbing innocents that i don’t really care about but you’re the one making a scene in front of them so why don’t you admit you won’t kill me and are just having a temper tantrum and we move on? hmm?” and then he proceeds to get slam dunked in the face with a metal arm like yEAAAA BOI that’s what you GET for going up against the SENTIENT LAVA-SPEWING metal-man ya absolute dunderhead clod. thunderhead clod? yeah, that. he’s just so dumb, your honour, please, you must understand, the victim pleads guilty on all charges of d*mb*ss and d*mb*ss alone.

I can NOT describe the emotions I feel knowing that Thor is suck-kissing Jane’s knuckles. Like, his mouth is literally jelly-ing it up against her hand. There is suction there and it shows when he is placing and removing his mouth. I promise that’s what is happening. I’m not any happier than you about this. I regret everything. This is why Loki should be what is focused on and not Thor; Thor’s going around trying to frick frack everything in sight even if it’s just Jane’s hand. He’s maintaining eye contact with Jane while he licks her fingers. Why did I decide to rewatch this movie. 

i’m only adding this in as a thor moment because of how desperately and badly they kiss. seriously. 2/10 kiss. im not surprised jane broke up with him. they look like two actual seals fighting over an actual grape. while i’m here i’m going to criticize every fic ever that decided thor is an experienced gentle lover. what were y’all on when watching this movie. thor can and will f*ck literally everything in sight and he won’t even do it well because he is the peakest of peak d*m d*m. look at this man. look at his face. that is the face of an absolute himbo idiot, and it’s the face of an absolute himbo idiot who knows it. he’s been stranded on earth for 2 days, max, and his flirt-count is at 69 people because his name is one letter away from thot. i bet his terrible use of a pen from early means he writes his ‘r’s like ‘t’s and he doesn’t even care. 1000/10 thor moment. doesn’t get much more romance-thor than two individuals smooshing their faces together after some finger sucking. that finger sucking is gonna leave jane simping for years. and that’s true love babey. <3

“I’ll handle my Brother!” Thor says, as if Loki didn’t send a metal-murder-bot that quite virtually killed him less than ten minutes ago asdfhkhsdgsdjf Thor, you horrific himbo you, Loki’s weapon of choice is literally throwing knives he will literally kill you before you enter the room if he’s on his game and wants you dead which he just proved he would do and you’re just gonna???????????? jog on over to him????? Thor??????????? bruH???????????? buddy??????? pal???????? you really wanna go 1v1 the brother you very clearly underestimate and know nothing about????????????????? im loving the confidence, but, no.

Loki: “you literally can’t stop this from here.” Thor, immediately: “i’m going to hit it with the hammer and see if that works” and then it does in fact work later... technically speaking, even if it ends up causing chaos destruction and death and loki falling off the bifrost 😔😔😔 but Big Brain Thor is the Biggest Brained Thor!!! The plan worked!! in a messy-Thor-ish way, but it did!!!

“you can’t kill an entire race!!!!” Thor yells, teeth gritted, as he faces his brother, his coward pacifist brother, who has suddenly decided he wants to join the age-old family tradition of realm-destroying, when this is supposed to be Thor’s dream, Thor’s, not Loki’s. How dare he, Thor thinks to himself, fist clenched around Mjolnir in anger, the pain of the handle pressing against his palm perhaps the only thing preventing him from lashing out at this thought, that’s my planet of monsters to slay, he should go get his own! Loki hits Thor across the face with the back-end of his spear. “Now fight me,” Loki says, but Thor, well, Thor cannot fight, as he remains stunned that of all things Loki would dare steal his life’s ambition, and he is sent sprawling backwards across the observatory, slowly but surely sliding to a stop despite his catatonic, very symbolic silence.

the elegance, the poise, i see your time on earth has made you no less graceful, Thor. the simple magnitude of this sprawl. the spread of the arms. the turn of the feet. this is not a dude, this is a man.

sometimes your brother starts vehemently talking about he’s gonna kill the race of monsters and about how he’s only ever wanted to be your equal and about how he’s not your brother and never was and sometimes you just have to say “this is madness” instead of addressing the issues or asking for any of the  deets 🔥 👊💯😩

Loki is whipping Thor’s butt. Both literally, and metaphorically, Loki is whooping Thor’s d*mb*ss. Earlier he knicked Thor’s face, now he’s just pushing Thor around, he uses the spear as a pole and later kicks Thor’s face by kicking vertically up, and Thor, bless him in all his blond golden muscled glory, doesn’t think anything is up with this, gosh he’s such an absolute utter idiot

sometimes your brother laughs way too much and also cries too much in a fight and there are also too many of him so you just need to blast lightning so you get a shot at all of them 😌😌😌 and then put your magical infinitely-heavy hammer on his chest 😌😌😌 but it’s okay because Thor left holes in Loki’s container 😌😌😌

now THIS is the meat to Thor’s funny bone, just the pure unadulterated humour that is Thor saying that there will never be a “wiser king” or a “better father” than Odin, it cracks me up every single time without fail, just the way he says it with a straight face and— what do you mean he wasn’t joking

look at Thor’s stupid smile as he asks Heimdall to spy on jane every single day while conveniently never asking after Loki ever. This is Thor’s face in mourning after he attended a feast after everyone was celebrating after Loki’s death. Look at his stupid smile. I love him your honour. He’s just,, he’s just so frickin stewpeed, just Thor being Thor, just the purest of d*mbest of *sses. 

[rosiehunterwolf]

let me down gently

Prompts: Anger and Fight

Word Count: 6,465

Characters: Lloyd and Kai

Timeline: During episodes 96 (Into the Breach) and 97 (The Fall)

Trigger Warnings: Strained Parental Relationships, Suffocation, Major Character Death (kind of, u all know Cole didn't really die in this episode)

Summary: The thing about spending nearly every waking moment of the last several years of your life with a group of friends is that you really get to know them, inside and out, so much so that sometimes you know what they’re thinking before they do.

And, sometimes that means it’s easy to overlook what they’re actually trying to say.

(wooo! got my first bingo! what happens now lol)

Read on FFN.net

Read on Ao3

Tumblr work under the cut

The thing about spending nearly every waking moment of the last several years of your life with a group of friends is that you really get to know them, inside and out, so much so that sometimes you know what they’re thinking before they do.

Kai had learned that it was all about being observant. The littlest things could hint him off at what was going on in their minds.

For example, whenever Nya was frustrated with a piece of machinery she was repairing, Kai could tell by the sound of her hammer against the metal. It was more of a dull, clunking sound than the lighter, ringing tone that could usually be heard. Or when Zane was faced with a problem that he was struggling to solve, he would always walk with a slightly stiffer posture. How Jay’s leg would bounce slightly when he was impatient, or how Cole bit his lip when he was focused.

And now, as the ninja stood around Garmadon on the deck of the Bounty, Kai could tell from the look in Lloyd’s bright green eyes that his youngest brother was planning something- something that Kai wasn’t going to like.

“I’m done with your foolishness,” Garmadon growled at the ninja. “You do not have a choice. I will say it once more- I am the only one who can enter the Oni Cloud. Give me a weapon, and let me go, or the Darkness will consume us all.”

“It’s not going to happen,” Lloyd snapped back. “You’re not going anywhere- not without me.”

Kai balked at him. What?!

Lloyd began to walk up to Garmadon, until he was glaring him right in the face. “I’m your son, remember. I’m Oni, too.”

No. The blood was roaring in Kai’s ears, now. Lloyd had come up with plenty of dumb, impulsive plans in his life, but this was on another level entirely. If Lloyd thought Kai was letting him go into the Darkness alone with Garmadon, he was sorely mistaken.

“You are part Oni.” The man reached out, shoving Lloyd, and the green ninja stumbled backwards. Nya quickly caught him by the arm, steadying him, and the others lunged towards Garmadon. Kai barely managed to stop himself from punching the man in the face, dropping into a defensive stance instead when Lloyd pulled away from Nya, evidently unharmed.

“That means you might survive,” Garmadon told Lloyd, ignoring the others glaring at him.

“Well, I guess we’ll find out.”

Oh, you’ll find out all right, Kai fumed as he glared at the green ninja. You’ll find out that this is not happening, as soon as I knock some sense into you.

---

“Lloyd Montgomery Garmadon, have you lost your tiny mind?” Kai grabbed Lloyd’s arm, yanking him into an empty room below deck on the Bounty.

Lloyd stared at him. “Did you just call my mind tiny?”

“Yes, I did, and you deserve it, because you’re being the absolute worst idiot I have seen right now. And I’m friends with Jay, so that’s saying something.”

“Excuse me for trying to help,” Lloyd spat back. “I didn’t see anyone else coming up with a plan.”

“So the only thing you could come up with was chucking your own life into danger? Typical Lloyd move.”

His friend's eyes widened. “You’re one to talk! Do you really need me to go over every risky decision you’ve made? We’ll be here all day!”

“Half of those ‘risky decisions’ have just been trying to get you out of situations that your risky decisions got you into!”

Lloyd’s eyes darkened, and he turned away, beginning to rummage through the cabinets for a suitable weapon. “No one asked you to do that.”

Kai couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He marched forward, put a hand on Lloyd’s shoulder, and forced him around. “You expected me to just leave you. To die?”

“No!” The green ninja answered hastily, although he wouldn’t meet Kai’s eyes. “… I just could’ve taken care of it myself, that’s all.”

Kai snorted. “Right.”

Lloyd shoved his hand away. “I’m serious! I’m not a kid anymore, I don’t need you babysitting me.”

Kai felt like his heart had been impaled as he watched Lloyd turn away from him, back towards the shelves. He felt stinging in his eyes, and quickly pushed the hurt down, letting it give way to anger instead. How dare Lloyd speak to him that way. Kai had spent years caring for him, looking out for him. He had been the one to save him from the Fire Temple, from Morro, had been the one to carry him to Mystaké’s shop when he had foolishly run off to fight Garmadon alone and nearly died-

Sure, Kai had… he had failed him, sometimes. He knew he wasn’t always good enough to protect him, as hard as he tried. But in his defence, Lloyd wasn’t exactly making it easy for him! It was almost as if the boy wanted to die! He was getting an odd sense of déjà vu, and he didn’t like it one bit.

“Have you forgotten what happened the last time you left us to fight the villain by yourself? I’m still having nightmares about that night, Lloyd! You nearly died.”

“That was different.”

“Different how?”

“I know what I’m doing,” he insisted. “And I won’t be alone. My dad will be with me.”

Kai’s eyes narrowed. “Oh great, now I’m so reassured.”

Lloyd shot him a look so venomous that Kai nearly faltered. What was that about?

“Look, Lloyd, I’m just trying to watch out for you! Can’t you see that the Cloud is dangerous? Cole was only in it for a second, and we nearly lost him. I don’t want to lose you, too.”

Lloyd sighed. “I know. But someone’s gotta do it, and my father said that my Oni blood will protect me.”

“He also said your human blood would make you weaker. He never guaranteed you would survive, and, frankly, even if he did, I wouldn’t trust him.”

Lloyd’s gaze went hard again. “Of course you wouldn’t. You’ve never trusted him. For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve had a vendetta against him, and that’s no different now.”

“Lloyd, don’t be ridiculous, you know that’s not true. He was our sensei at one point, remember? I accepted him then! It’s only the Devourer venom I don’t trust. He said it himself- he couldn’t be trusted with the venom flowing through his veins.”

“Yeah, well the venom’s gone now, isn’t it? And I don’t see you acting any different than those first days.”

“Lloyd, he’s different now, and you know it. He’s not Sensei Garmadon anymore.”

“So that automatically means we can’t trust him?”

“No! But I can list a hundred other reasons why we can’t!” Kai began counting off on his fingers, “He tried to kill you, he tried to kill us, he tried to kill Wu, he destroyed the Bounty, he destroyed the city, he imprisoned our friends, he created a giant stone Colossus to try and destroy us, he’s Oni-”

“I’m Oni, too,” Lloyd snapped. “Does that mean you don’t trust me?”

“Lloyd, stop being stupid-”

“Oh, so now I’m stupid!”

“I didn’t mean that.”

“So what did you mean?”

Kai sighed, rubbing his temples. “You’re only part Oni. Things are different.”

“But what if I wasn’t? What if I was full Oni? You wouldn’t trust me then?”

“I never said that.” “You literally just did.”

Kai glowered at him. “Look, it doesn’t matter- Lloyd, you’re my friend. I’ve known you for years, I know you’re trustworthy because you’ve never done anything to prove me otherwise.”

“If you trust me so much, then why aren’t you acting like it now?”

“I do trust you! I still do, and I always will. But I also know your judgement tends to get clouded when it comes to people you care about. And, I’m sorry Lloyd, but your father does not deserve to be on that list. Not anymore. Ever since he’s come back, he’s done nothing but prove to me that he doesn’t care about you. At all.”

Lloyd froze, a shadow falling over his face. Kai reached for his hand, but he jerked back, gritting his teeth.

“Oh, come on, Lloyd, I know you’re trusting, but this is ridiculous! Have you forgotten what he’s done to you?”

“You don’t get to talk,” Lloyd choked, his voice suddenly sounding wet. “You don’t know what it’s like. What I’ve been through.”

Kai stopped, blinking at him. “What?”

“You don’t know! You never had to watch your dad be an evil warlord for your whole life, never had people telling you that your entire destiny was to defeat him!”

Kai felt his anger dissipate. “Lloyd-”

But the green ninja wasn’t done. “You never had to fight the one person who came back for you when everyone else turned their backs on you, only to get him back as someone completely different than the person you remembered! You never had to suffer through those long weeks, those long months, struggling to reconnect with him after the rift that had been torn between the two of you. You never had to deal with only having your father back for a couple years before losing him again, just when you had finally been getting to know him again! You never had to suffer through that loss, thinking about him every day for the next few years, just starting to get over him when suddenly you found out he was coming back again! You never had to fight so hard to keep him from coming back, even though a small part of you really wanted to see him again. You don’t know what it was like to get a chance to reunite with him, only to have him nearly kill you, and then be forced to recruit him to help you. You don’t know what it’s like to have half of your brain remembering him as this horrible, sadistic monster that absolutely cannot be trusted, but the other half remembering him as a good man, as your true father, and feeling like there’s still some of that in there, and maybe you can have that back!”

By this point, Lloyd was crying, hard, and Kai felt like his heart was going to shatter. “Lloyd. I’m sorry bud. I’m so sorry. But you’re going to have to trust us. Your team. We’ve always been here for you, even when your dad wasn’t.”

“You still don’t get it!” Lloyd was borderline yelling by this point. “I can’t! I can’t forget everything he’s done- both the good and the bad! You can’t possibly understand how angry I am at him but how much I love him! He left me! He hurt me! But he is the only person who loved me from the very beginning- even you thought I was some washed-up street rat when we first met!”

The pressure building in Kai’s chest suddenly snapped, and he found himself yelling right back at Lloyd. “I don’t know what it’s like? Have you forgotten what my father did? I lived the majority of my life thinking that he had abandoned me! For a five-year-old kid, that was the scariest thing of my life- I didn’t know what to do, and everything was resting on me. It took me years to get over that, to get over them and to move on, and then- then I figured out they were alive and now everyone was saying that they were good and that this wasn’t their fault- that everything was okay now. But it wasn’t okay- they had left me, burdened me, and as much as I knew they hadn’t done it on purpose, I couldn’t forget all those years of pain. Even Nya thought I was being crazy, tried to stop me from lashing out at them. She didn’t understand. She was the younger sibling, she wasn’t burdened with my responsibility. If anyone could understand me, I would’ve thought it would be you.”

“It’s not the same!” Lloyd’s voice was shrill. “You still have years ahead of you- years to talk and reconnect. You think I didn’t go through the same thing with my father after he was cleansed from the venom? I thought we would have all the time in the world! But now we’re back at square one again, but worse- square zero- and this time he won’t even listen to me! He doesn’t remember me, he doesn’t remember himself, he doesn’t remember anything except hatred.”

“Then why are you so eager to listen to him again?”

“I can’t let him go again! Not like last time!”

“This isn’t like last time, Lloyd! Why won’t you listen to us? Since when did you start trusting Garmadon’s judgement over mine?” “The moment you stopped listening to me and tried to make everything about yourself!”

Kai stared at him in disbelief. Lloyd was seriously calling him selfish right now? He had just poured out all his insecurities about his parents, ones that he didn’t want to share but did anyway to try to help Lloyd see he wasn’t alone- and the brat had the nerve to call him selfish?

“I can’t believe you! I’ve done nothing- nothing- but try to help you and care for you since you joined our team. And you have the audacity to pin this on me. You know what? Go! Go with your father into that dumb Cloud! Since you obviously care about him so much more than you do me!”

“I will,” Lloyd shot back, already storming out of the room.

“Don’t come crying to me when you suffocate in there! At least you’ll be with your dear old pops!”

Lloyd turned around when he reached the doorway, their shouting match quieting as he responded in a low voice.

“Trust me, I’m not going to be crying to anyone.”

There was a loud bang as Lloyd slammed the door shut, and Kai was alone.

---

Zane walked quietly down the hallway of the ship, stopping in front of Nya as she slowly backed out of a room, pulling the door shut softly behind her.

“Any luck?”

She shook her head. “He won’t even talk to me, not to mention tell me what happened.”

“Kai isn’t budging either. He asked me how close we were to the city, and what Garmadon was up to, but refused to even mention Lloyd.”

“I’ve never seen Lloyd like this, Zane, he was… he was upset. Angry. I think they fell out, but… I don’t know why, or how…”

“It has to be about the Cloud. Kai was pretty upset when Lloyd announced his plan.”

“I’m upset too!” she snapped. “It’s a horrible plan! He’s going to get himself killed! But you know how Lloyd gets when he sets his mind on something. And Kai can get… snappy when he’s worried about someone important to him. I’m worried things have been taken too far this time, though.”

Nya buried her face in her hands, and Zane put a hand on her shoulder. “Nya, it’s going to be alright. It’s not like they haven’t fought before. They’ll make up quickly, like they always do.”

“Yeah, but it’s never been this bad before! Lloyd was really upset, Zane! He always talks to me, comes to me, when he’s having a hard time, especially if it’s with Kai, but…” her voice dropped to a whisper. “This time is different.”

“Have you forgotten everything they’ve been through?” Zane reminded her. “Their friendship has survived the green ninja prophecy, Chen’s staff, a possession, many near-death experiences, and realm-hopping. I think they can handle one argument.”

Nya didn’t look so reassured, so Zane looped his arm around her. “They’re going to be fine. They always are.”

Nya wiped a sleeve across her eyes, sniffing. “I know. I just worry about them.”

“It’s great, how much you look out for them, but there are some things that Kai and Lloyd must resolve on their own.”

Nya nodded, slowly stepping back from the door of the room where Lloyd was.

A faint beeping sounded from above them, and Zane quickly checked his internal GPS. “Now, we should head back above deck. It won’t be long before we reach Ninjago City, and the outskirts of the Oni Cloud.”

“The time is nearly upon us,” Nya whispered. “Soon, the fate of Ninjago will rest in our hands.” Her nose wrinkled. “Again.”

---

Kai stared over the deck of the Bounty, his jaw slack as he surveyed the landscape below. The entirety of Ninjago City was covered in a thick, black smog, only the tips of some of the taller skyscrapers emerging from it.

A sickly black tentacle reached up below them, curling up towards the fins on the rear of the Bounty, lapping gently against the wood. Nya put on a burst of speed, and the Bounty pulled from its grasp, leaving the tentacle to lurk hungrily, before it slowly receded back down into the Cloud.

A shiver slipped down his spine, and he gritted his teeth. He couldn’t believe the others had agreed to send Lloyd down there.

“This will allow us to see what’s happening inside the Cloud.”

Kai turned to see Zane slipping what looked to be a GoPro over Lloyd’s head. “We can watch the camera feed from the monitor screens of the Bounty.”

Lloyd was shifting from foot to foot, looking nervous. As he should be. How long will it take for him to finally realize how dangerous this is?

Lloyd wasn’t the only one looking frightened. From where she stood up by the steering wheel, Nya was watching Lloyd apprehensively, nibbling on her lip. Jay stood at Lloyd’s side, double and triple checking to make sure the armor pieces fastened to his gi were strong and secured. Cole was leaning back against the mast, arms crossed over his chest as he surveyed them all with dark eyes.

“What’s our plan for extraction?” Cole asked gruffly. “If we’re doing this, we need a clear plan before you leave. There’ll be no room for mistakes down there.”

“We’ll wait here with the Bounty while he’s down there,” Zane explained. “When he’s made it back, we’ll drop the anchor so he can climb the chain.”

“I installed a tracking device in the camera,” Nya added, “so if something goes wrong, we can come pick you up elsewhere.”

“Hopefully nothing will go wrong,” Lloyd muttered.

Nya shook her head. “I’ll say.”

“Did you guys check the parachute? Does it feel alright, do you want me to-”

“Jay.” Lloyd said firmly. “It’s fine. I’m fine.”

Jay sighed, running a hand through his curly locks. “I’m just not sure about this, Lloyd.”

“Guys. I have to do this. I’m gonna get in, grab the Realm Crystal, get out. No problem.”

“No problem?” Kai growled. “Yeah, except for the freezing black tentacles, deathly fog, and swarms of Oni you’re forgetting about. Oh, and wait, your father.”

“Kai, can we not get into this now,” Lloyd grimaced.

“If we don’t get into it now, when will we get into it?” Kai pulled back from the railing, walking over to him. “Once you go, there’s no turning back.”

His eyes flashed. “I’m aware of the consequences. I’m doing it.”

Kai groaned. “You’re not even listening to me!”

“And you’re not listening to me. Do you have another plan?”

“I’m sure we could come up with something better than this.”

“Yeah? Well, you haven’t!” he snapped, loudly.

Kai said nothing, glaring at him.

“The people of Ninjago City are in danger. Many of them are already lost, and I only hope that we can save them. Someone has to help, sooner rather than later. And right now, me and my father are the only ones who can.”

“Well, maybe not you,” Jay squeaked, looking nervous to impede on their argument.

“Jay’s right, you’re taking a huge risk.”

“I’m a ninja!” Lloyd threw up his arms. “Risk is part of the job description.”

There was silence at that.

Really, what could they say? To deny it would be to put down every risk they had ever taken, every consequence they had ever faced.

But so many of them had ended in disaster- Zane’s death, Chen’s staff, Morro’s possession, Wu getting lost in time, and of course, Lloyd’s initial face-off with his resurrected father- and Kai was wondering when they would finally draw the line.

Sooner or later, their luck was going to run out. Sooner or later, they would get themselves into a mess they couldn’t get out of.

---

The ship slowed to a halt in front of Borg Tower. The tallest building in the city, it stretched far above the Cloud, but as Lloyd peered down, he saw that the bottom of it just seemed to disappear, getting swallowed by the blackness.

“This is the closest I can get,” Nya announced, descending the ladder as she hopped down to the deck with them. “You’re going to have to take it from here.”

Garmadon said nothing, stepping up to the edge of the rail to peer over the edge.

Pixal beckoned to him, and Lloyd walked over, standing patiently as she fiddled with his GoPro.

“Zane?” she called back to the nindroid, to where he had climbed back up towards the monitor. She waved at Lloyd’s camera, and Zane gave her a thumbs up.

“It’s working. For now. The reception might break up a little when he actually goes into the Darkness, but hopefully it will last us a while, at least.”

“And the GPS?”

“Signal is on point.”

“Voice feed? Can you hear me through the comms?”

“Loud and clear.”

“Good.” Pixal stepped back from him, nodding. She hesitated for a moment, her green eyes flashing. “Lloyd… just be careful, okay? Your life isn’t worth the Realm Crystal. We can always come up with another plan.”

Lloyd swallowed. Suddenly, this whole thing was beginning to feel a lot more real.

Apparently, he wasn’t the only one thinking this, because Kai walked over to him. Lloyd flinched, expecting him to yell again, but his voice was soft.

“Lloyd. If you… if you really trust your dad so much, you should let him go. Alone.”

Lloyd bit back a sigh. “I don’t trust him.”

Kai blinked. “You literally just told me earlier that you-”

“No, I said it was complicated.” Lloyd breathed out slowly, running his fingers through his hair before his voice came out too sharp. “I trust him enough to not get me killed, but not enough to bring the Realm Crystal back on his own.”

“Look, Lloyd, you don’t have to do this.”

Lloyd glared at him. “Yeah, I do. I’m going, end of discussion.”

“Please don’t go. Look, I’m sorry about what I said earlier, okay? I’ll make it up to you. Please don’t base this decision off of that.”

Kai’s eyes were looking suspiciously shiny now, and Lloyd bit his lip. He was still mad at Kai, but Lloyd hated fighting with him. Maybe he should-

No. Lloyd shut down that train of thought fiercely. He couldn’t do this again. He couldn’t let his emotions get the better of him.

Sure, this was Kai he was talking about- not Harumi, or his father. He knew Kai would never try to take advantage of him, but- he was also biased. Lloyd wanted to listen to his own judgement, for once. The best decisions were always made with a clear head, anyways.

He forced his voice to be hard as he spoke. “I made this decision plenty of time before that conversation.”

Ignoring the look on Kai’s face, he turned and walked towards the edge of the deck, pulling his sword out of the rack. It was about time he finished this.

---

Kai hurried over to her looking half in tears.

“So I’m guessing that’s a ‘no’ on talking him out of it?”

Kai gripped her shoulders, tight. “He won’t listen to me Nya, I think he’s still angry with me. I can’t change his mind. Nothing I say will change his mind. You need to talk to him, please. Maybe he’ll listen to you.” “I wouldn’t get your hopes up, Kai. He may not be upset with me, but you know how stubborn he gets when he sets his mind on something.”

“Can you at least try?”

Nya looked at him, and after a moment, let out a sigh. “Fine.”

Her footsteps were quiet as she walked over to the green ninja, who was sheathing his sword. He didn’t look at her, but he knew she was there, that Nya was certain of.

“I have no idea what he said to you, earlier… but he’s just worried about you, y’know.”

Lloyd snorted. “Sure has a funny way of showing it.”

“I’m serious, Lloyd. This is dangerous. Perhaps one of the biggest risks we’ve taken yet. What you said earlier was true- taking risks is part of the job- but that doesn’t mean we can’t be careful. Can’t worry.”

Lloyd sighed. “I know- and I’m not expecting you not to. But sometimes, certain things have to be done, and… you just have to endure the worry for the sake of others.” He eyed her. “Kind of like you’re doing now.”

Nya side-eyed him, and he smiled slightly. “I can tell. You’ve been pacing.”

She breathed out slowly. “You’re right. But that’s not an easy thing to do. Especially for those who love you and care about you very much.”

Lloyd looked down. “Just get it over with.”

“What?”

“He sent you over here to talk me out of it, didn’t he?”

“Technically, yes… but he’s not my team leader. I don’t have to listen to anything he says.”

Lloyd looked up, his brilliant green eyes meeting her much tamer, softer brown ones.

“Why aren’t you going to try to change my mind?”

“Because I know what a stubborn brat you are,” she teased, cuffing him over the head. He shook her off, scowling as he straightened his hair.

“Seriously, though. I wouldn’t be sending you in if I wasn’t certain you were strong enough to handle yourself.”

Relief flooded his expression. “So you get it! Why doesn’t Kai? Why doesn’t he just trust me?”

“He trusts you,” she said firmly, and Lloyd blinked at her, surprised. “He trusts you more than you will ever know.”

“Then why is he so upset about me doing this?”

“Just because you know someone is capable doesn’t mean that you’re not going to worry or fear the worst when they have to do something dangerous. Kai’s a big brother. It’s his job to be overprotective! He’s just trying to look out for you.”

“I’m not a kid anymore. Sometimes I need to look after myself.”

“Kai’s afraid of losing you, Lloyd. He knows you’re strong. He knows you’re capable. He trusts you completely. But bad things can happen to even the best people. He doesn’t want a world without you in it. None of us do.”

Lloyd was silent at that, toeing at the ground with his foot. “I’ll be careful,” he said after a long while.

“You better be.” She reached forward, squeezing his hand. “Just know that he comes from a place of love, okay?”

“Are we going to just stand here all day?” Garmadon snapped, stalking over to him. “Or should I just go without you?”

“No,” Lloyd insisted, wiping at his face with his sleeve. “I’m ready. Let’s go.”

Garmadon shot a pointed glance at his sword. Lloyd sighed.

“Cole, give him a sword.”

The black ninja grabbed a katana, eyeing the Dark Lord with thinly veiled suspicion. “Are you sure about that?”

Lloyd nodded.

Cole tossed the sword at Garmadon’s feet, and he picked it up, surveying it slowly. The ninja and Pixal watched him apprehensively.

Suddenly, Garmadon was lunging at Cole, and before Nya could react, Kai was screaming at him to look out as he charged Garmadon, the sharp screech of metal sounding as his sword clashed with Garmadon’s. The man pushed past them, running towards Lloyd and Nya, and Lloyd quickly charged up his powers, hands glowing as he held up his fists protectively.

Garmadon darted to the side, wisely avoiding his son’s powers, and Nya blocked him with her spear, pinning him down as she caught him off guard.

Zane’s arrow flew past, and Garmadon rolled out of the way, causing her to lose her grip on him as he shot to his feet again, sending her flying with a sharply delivered kick to the gut.

Nya staggered to her feet, panting, just as Pixal was flung past her. Hurrying over, she helped her friend to her feet, and the two fell into battle stances behind the rest of the crew, who were now watching Garmadon through slitted eyes.

“Try that again!” Cole dared. “Now that I’m ready!”

Garmadon glared at them, raising a fist. Suddenly, it burst into purple flames, and the ninja recoiled, gasping.

His powers are back? How? “That’s better,” Garmadon rasped, grinning. Then, with a running leap, he launched himself off the side of the ship.

There was silence for a moment, before Cole burst out, “Okay, what the heck was that?”

“Conflict fuels him!” Lloyd said, walking forward.

“He was powering up!” Zane agreed.

“He did that just to get his powers back?” Jay cried.

Cole grimaced, marching up to Lloyd. “I. Do. Not. Trust. Him!”

Nya felt her stomach flip. She was starting to regret giving Lloyd that pep talk, now. Sure, she believed in his ability to take care of himself, but… Garmadon had his powers back, now? Lloyd’s powers were nothing to be scoffed at, but… they paled in comparison to Garmadon's. Those powers were what had nearly gotten him killed the last time. What would happen if Garmadon needed to “power up” again? Would he turn on Lloyd? And this time, he wouldn’t have his team to help him.

Seeing the look in her youngest brother’s eyes, Nya suddenly felt the urge to hold him back, and she grabbed his shoulder tightly. “Lloyd. Are you sure you want to go through with this?”

Lloyd hesitated, gazing at his teammates, who looked back at him with fearful gazes. He bit his lip.

Please say no, please say no, please say-

“No.”

Nya blinked. Well, that was easier than expected-

“But I don’t really have a choice,” he added, and before Nya could react, he was ripping away from her, running across the deck of the Bounty-

And jumping off the side of the ship.

---

“Lloyd!” Nya screamed, and Kai was suddenly pushing his way past her, running to the edge of the ship to peer over the side.

Lloyd was plummeting, down, down, down, until the green of his gi vanished and the Darkness swallowed him up. Kai swore, curling his fingers into the handrail.

The others had joined him, Nya leaning over so desperately that Cole had to pull her back. Unease crackled in the air as they blinked at each other.

“The camera feed!” Zane cried suddenly. “Come on!”

The nindroid hurried towards the monitors, the rest of them not far behind. Kai held his breath as Zane’s fingers flew across the keyboard, until a hazy purple image appeared. Dark, lurking outlines blurred past, as if in motion, until they suddenly slowed, Lloyd’s feet swinging into view.

“He opened his parachute,” Zane breathed.

Jay squinted at the screen, leaning forward. “I can’t see anything… except for that weird, purplish smoke.”

“Wait,” Cole pointed at the shadows, which came into better view as the fog began to thin slightly. “There’s some sort of building there.” He recoiled as something dark slithered across it. “What is that?”

“They look like…” Nya narrowed her eyes. “Tentacles, or something.”

“Eugh! Those are the things that tried to grab me, earlier!” Cole cried.

Kai bit down on his lip, only just stopping himself before he could draw blood. “Be careful, Lloyd.”

After a moment, the ground drifted into view, and Lloyd stumbled to a halt as his feet reached it, releasing his parachute.

As he looked around, the camera turned with his head, and Kai felt himself shudder at the creepy, desolate landscape that had once been their city. It was cruel, how much something could change in only a day.

Lloyd coughed, clearing his throat, and Kai’s attention was drawn back to him, frowning.

“Lloyd? Are you okay?”

There was no response, except for another, heaving cough, and Kai felt his heart drop, turning to Zane. “Can’t he hear us?”

Zane’s eyes flashed, hitting a few things on the control panel. “He should be able to, unless the reception has been blocked already, which frankly, I doubt-”

Lloyd’s hands flew to his mouth as he wheezed, a horrible, strangled sound. He gasped for air, and suddenly he was falling to his knees, the camera flickering.

Kai felt like he was having a heart attack.

“He’s suffocating!” he cried, reaching out and grabbing Nya’s arm, shaking her. “He can’t breathe, I told you this was a horrible idea, we have to get him out of there!”

Nya’s voice trembled. “Hurry, drop the anchor, he needs to get out now!”

“He can’t even stand, how is he going to climb the chain?”

“If he can't, I'll go down and get him.”

“You can’t do that, Kai, you’ll be dead within seconds!”

“What other choice do we-”

“Guys!” Zane cried, breaking over the clamor. “He’s okay now. His breathing has stabilized.”

Kai turned to the screen, seeing that Lloyd had pushed himself to his feet and was walking over to Garmadon. His breathing had stopped the horrible rasping, but it was still too heavy.

Nya slumped against him, rubbing her hands over her face. “This kid’s going to be the end of me.”

“Why is he going away from us?” Kai snapped. “Tell him to get back on the ship!”

Zane blinked at him. “The whole point of the mission is to get the Realm Crystal, is it not?”

“Not at the cost of his life!” “Of course not.” Zane reached forward, squeezing his arm gently. “But he is fine now. Trust me, I will be the first to inform you if his breathing becomes irregular again.”

Kai pulled his hands over his face, screaming into them. “Wake me up when this horrible nightmare is over!”

---

“There’s more to life than surviving!”

Lloyd’s scream made even Garmadon flinch back as the green ninja raced off, vanishing below deck. Kai watched him anxiously, and he felt Nya slip her arm out of his grasp.

“I’m okay, Kai. Go.”

Giving her hand one last squeeze, he ran after Lloyd, shooting Garmadon a fierce glare as he passed.

When he finally found Lloyd, he was in their bedroom, curled up on his bed, crying softly.

Kai sat down next to him, the mattress sagging slightly lower beneath his weight. After a moment of silence, he reached out a hand and began to rub Lloyd’s back gently.

“You were right,” he gasped suddenly. “I should never have left. The plan didn’t even work. It’s my fault, I should’ve been there, I could’ve- I could’ve-”

“Lloyd, you couldn’t have done anything,” Kai insisted, giving up with subtlety and pulling Lloyd against his side. “No one could’ve.”

Lloyd didn’t seem to hear him. “Why did I trust my father, you were right, I never should’ve done that, I was being stupid as always, I thought we could- I thought maybe things would go back, but- no, you tried to warn me, and I was horrible to you-”

“Lloyd, Lloyd stop, breathe,” Kai begged, grabbing his hands and desperately trying to pull them off of his head, where he was digging in his nails. “Stop, please, I don’t care about any of that, I forgave you ages ago.”

Lloyd took a shuddery breath, loosening his hands enough for Kai to move them, and letting his head rest in Kai’s lap. “Ages ago? We just had the argument earlier today.”

“Yeah, well, I’m quick at forgiving.”

Lloyd huffed softly. “No, you’re not.”

“For you I am. That’s what family’s for, right?”

Kai immediately regretted his choice of words as Lloyd flinched. “I mean, true family. The one you chose, not the one you’re related to by blood.”

“Yeah. I guess so.”

Kai let his breath out slowly, leaning back on the hand that wasn’t wrapped around Lloyd, and paused as it hit against something hard.

Looking back, he saw it was a photo frame. Sucking in his breath, he picked it up.

The glass was cracked, but the picture behind it was perfectly clear. In it, Sensei Garmadon was standing in front of the Monastery, an arm slung around Lloyd. Although their former sensei was standing stiff, as usual, a rare smile was playing on his lips. And Lloyd- Lloyd’s grin was all teeth, his eyes practically sparkling as he gazed at his father. He looked so happy it made Kai’s heart hurt.

“Did you…”

Lloyd looked up as Kai trailed off, pulling himself into more of a sitting position, and his gaze found the photo. His eyes darkened, but he took it from Kai’s hands, anyway. He stared at it for a moment, his face unreadable as he traced his fingers along the cracks, then, suddenly, he was throwing the frame across the room, where it shattered against the floor loudly. A sob caught in his throat, and he wiped at his eyes.

Kai wrapped his arms around him in a hug, noticing as Lloyd flinched, hard, when he squeezed his arm. He made a mental note to make him go to the medbay later, but for now, he didn’t push it.

“Kai?”

“Hm?” “I’m sorry for yelling at you earlier.”

“Bud, there’s nothing to be sorry about. We both made mistakes. But it’s over now. It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay.”

“No,” Kai breathed out, running a hand through his hair as tears stung in his eyes. “You’re right. It’s not.”

Lloyd whimpered, curling closer. “He’s gone, Kai. How can anything ever be okay again?”

“I don’t know, bud. Maybe it won’t be. But you know what? We keep going. Wherever life takes us, we keep on going, and we don’t give up.”

“It’s hard to keep going.”

“Then we just hold on. As tight as we can.”

Lloyd sobbed into the side of his gi, and Kai buried his face in Lloyd’s hair as tears slipped down his cheeks. Never again, was he going to take this for granted. He had already made that mistake with Cole.

And for that, Kai made sure to grip on a little tighter.

[gogglor]

Cap-Ironman RecWeek: What-If Wednesday

Time for another installment of @cap-ironman rec week! Today’s theme: AU’s.

I know AU’s in different settings are half the reason most people read fanfics, but they’re not really my thing on the whole. AU’s where different choices are made, or different events transpire? Absolutely. Coffee shops? Not my cup of... you know.

So, here’s my AU recommendations for mostly “turn left” scenarios. This time with an under-the-cut break so I don’t take over everyone’s timelines (sorry about that last post). Also with some summaries truncated for length.

Alone Like This

Author: GotTheSilver

Word Count: 7,452

Summary: Steve, post waking up, runs away from SHIELD, and Tony's the one who tracks him down.

Why You Should Read It:

First off, GotTheSilver’s been consistently and regularly putting out solid Stony since 2012 and not only are they not stopping, they’re only getting better. This writer doesn’t get nearly the fanfare I’d expect in Stony circles for someone who puts out this much good stuff, and here’s hoping this post can be a part of changing that.

While I am always a sucker for enemies-to-friends-to-lovers, there’s something to be said for stories where Steve and Tony hit it off right away. And watching these two very different people look at each other and see the same sense of being lost, then finding each other again is... excuse me, there’s something in my eye, ignore me.

Second Chance Lives

Author: raeldaza

Word Count: 43,872

Summary: Tony's gonna die of palladium poisoning anyway, why not join a pointless expedition to recover Captain America’s body? And after, well, why not dedicate his last few months to making sure an American hero settles into his new life? What else is he going to do, get drunk at parties?

Why You Should Read It:

This writer doesn’t write a lot for the MCU but when they do, dang.

“Tony is the one helping Steve acclimate to the new century before Avengers 2012″ is a whole genre of Stony fanfics that scratch an itch I didn’t even know I had before I started reading fanfiction, and this is one of the best ones out there. It’s got it all - Steve poorly coping with his PTSD, Tony poorly coping with his immanent mortality, some breathtakingly poor communication between the two most emotionally stunted men in the MCU, and a cat named Roomba. What’s not to love?

Should You Choose to Accept It

Author: elwenyere (look, you’re gonna be seeing a lot of them this week, sorry-not-sorry)

Word Count: 27,106

Summary: After a terrorist attack and a field operation gone wrong, the Avengers realize that Nick Fury's secrets are just the start of a much bigger mystery. Steve and Tony try to keep some things from each other as well, but that can't possibly affect the mission — right? Mission Fic + Getting Together (or Mission: Getting Together) that mashes up elements from Iron Man 3, CA: Winter Soldier, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. season one, and Mission Impossible 3.

Why You Should Read It:

You can see my post yesterday for singing El’s praises, but what I really liked about this fic was how how damn creative it is. The CAWS/IM3/AOS mashup is everything I wished the actual MCU gave us and more, with well-developed characters and an exciting story to put them in. And because it’s El, you know the banter’s gonna be on point, the way the characters care for each other is gonna be emotionally constipated but touching, and the pacing’s gonna be exciting enough to draw you in and keep you there. Also, this fic doesn’t have nearly enough kudos so please go read it and fix that or I’m gonna have to try to hack AO3 and that’ll just be embarrassing for all parties involved.

What Happens In Vegas

Author: sabremc

Word Count: 161,951

Summary: “What the hell, Tony?” Rhodey demanded brusquely.  Tony winced and drew the phone away from his ear.  “You’ve got cops and Feds all over the hotel.  I’m watching you perp walk out of the police station on repeat on CNN.  They’re saying you tried to bribe Stern?  Fox News has you selling weapons on the black market, and God that picture they’re using is the one from Bali in ’09.   You look like shit.  They wheeled Stern out and put him in an ambulance, by the way.  Got some paparazzi swearing you decked the guy.  Now they’ve got ‘copters following it like he’s OJ.”

“Yeah, don’t worry, Sourpatch, I’ve got it covered.   Uh, though, I should probably tell you that, purely in the interests of national security and the greater good, I kind of had to fake marry that stripper-gram  you sent.  Thanks for that, by the way,” Tony added quickly.

Why You Should Read It:

If you’re deep enough into Stony to see posts like this on Tumblr, you probably know sabre’s what we in the business call a “big name author.” They’re prolific, they’re popular, and most importantly, they write words good (technical term). Seriously, sabre just keeps cranking out high quality stuff over and over again, raising the bar for the rest of us like a jerk (not really. I’m not bitter they write stuff so good I wish I’d thought of it first. Not at all.)

I never read stripper!Steve or stripper!Tony as a rule, but this came so widely recommended that I broke that rule and boy am I glad that I did. This is also the only fic on this list that’s a true-AU, with Steve being a non-powered vet from Afghanistan who left his army career to help Bucky and is stripping in Vegas to raise money for a prosthetic arm. He’s booked to do a private show for Tony, shenanigans ensue, and now they’re fake-married. This fic’s got some top-of-the-line banter and character development, but I particularly love it for its rich setting. Sabre paints a Vegas not just with strip clubs and blackjack tables, but KISS-themed minigolf, romantic dinners on the Eiffel tower, gaudy hotel lobbies, and making out on giant ferris wheels. It’s such a richly developed playground for the characters to play on, and through it, Steve manages to find a life for himself he’d given up on, and Tony finds multiple ways to show his kindness and depth of feeling for Steve. I know the word count’s long for this one but trust me, you’ve gotta read this fic.

Wait & Sea

Author: Lenalena

Word Count: 53,244

Summary: In which Tony and Steve get sent on an undercover mission aboard a cruise ship to make contact with Hydra. In this AU the military has kept the discovery and defrosting of Captain America a secret, so Steve and Tony have never met before. Yet they are to pose as newlyweds....

Why You Should Read It:

This one’s old and popular enough to be considered one of the “classic” Stony fics, and for good reason. Lenalena doesn’t write too often and not as much as they used to, but the fics they have up there are an absolute delight.

This is another fic that I skipped a bunch of times for being outside my comfort zone, but when I finally read it I saw why everyone’s so wild about it. In this story, Steve’s defrosted a bit earlier and not revealed as Captain America. He and Tony are sent undercover to sniff out Hydra shenanigans on a cruise and, because it’s fanfiction, they’ve got to pretend to be a married couple while onboard. There’s tons to love about this fic, but the things that bring me back to reading it over and over is first, Tony’s kindness and the way he’s attuned to Steve’s feelings, which... God, just inject “kind, observant Tony” straight into my veins, please and thank you. This is also another really rich setting for a story, and Lena knows how to fold the the hokeyness of the cruise into the seriousness of the mission and the depth of feelings Steve and Tony are finding for each other in a really beautiful, layered way. It’s funny, it’s heartfelt, it’s steamy, it’s gripping... why are you still reading this here? Go check it out for yourself!

Ashes to Ashes

Author: dirigibleplumbing

Word Count: 51,582

Summary: After regrouping following some surprise time travel, the world's heroes and sorcerers come up with a plan to protect the Mind and Time Stones by taking them into space in opposite directions. The result involves a lot more time loops than Steve would like, but at least they're getting a second chance to stop Thanos. (As well as a third, and a fourth...) And if Steve takes the opportunity to try to reconcile with Tony, too—well, they have the time, and Steve's going to make the most of it.

Why You Should Read It:

Dirigibleplumbing’s another name in Stony fanfics that does not get nearly as much fanfare as they deserve. They’re consistently a really creative voice in Stony fanfics and I always look forward to their stories showing me something new. Go read all their fics, I need more people to geek out with me over them.

I tend to limit myself on Steve-and-Tony-mend-things-after-Civil-War fics not because they’re not good, but because they’re so heavy, and also the Sokovia Accords have five hundred layers of crap in them that no good fic could possibly hash out well. This one, though? When you add in the Infinity War/End Game fixit? Poetry. Art. Music to my ears. DP wrote a really engaging, twisty story where it’s hard to predict what’s coming next, in spite of it literally being a pseudo-Groundhog day scenario. The characterizations are great, the story is engaging, and the feelings are big and sad and eventually happy. Go read it, you’ll love it.

I have tons of other recs for this category but this seems like a good place to stop for today. Tomorrow’s Alternative Media Thursday, and I’ve got some real gems I’ve been saving for that day (aaaaand possibly a self-rec or two ;)

[silentprincess17]

The Perils of Swimming

This fic is a collab between me and the wonderfully talented artist @neivaloz on tumblr! Check out her awesome artwork that accompanies this fic! I love how we inspired each other and I look forward to more!

Summary: Link agrees to go swimming with Zelda when she gets her body back. He does not think this through, because there is one major problem: he can't swim.

Read on AO3 here!

Now that the sea in Aboda Village was directly in front of him, with Zelda no longer a ghost and made of flesh and skin, her promise of taking him out to swim actually a reality and not a passing comment at Papuchia Village, Link was beginning to regret the rashness with which he had said yes.

He hadn’t expected her to actually take it seriously. In the throes of the whirlwind adventure, he hadn’t anticipated she would actively remember, let alone take it to heart- it was now... four months since they had reclaimed the Ocean Realm? Which means it was roughly two months since they defeated Malladus. Towards the end, time seemed to fuse together, and life boiled down to essentially overcoming whatever barrier was in their way at the time. First it was restoring the tracks, then obtaining the Compass, followed by the Bow of Light and finally entering the Dark Realm to fight Malladus with the Lokomo Sword strapped to his back. By the time they reached the Compass, Link had more or less lost all notion of time, as Zelda and he grew progressively more panicked with each setback and it became an increasingly hectic race to save her body…

Link had chosen to stick with his engineering, primarily. He still felt he was more of a rookie soldier who only knew how to perform vague attacks that just so happened to work out in his favour, and without Zelda’s help as a Phantom he most certainly would have failed from the get-go. With that in mind, he chose to continue with what he had trained for up until now: to pilot the trains with mechanical engineering as his mainstay. Still, he didn’t want to completely lose what sword skills he had developed, so he regularly stopped at Hyrule Castle to train with Captain Russel and his guards. (The latter was really just an excuse to see Zelda before. Or afterwards. Most of the time it was both.)

And yesterday, Friday night, was one of those times he had gone to training, visiting Zelda before he supposedly went home for the weekend.

What he hadn’t expected was for her to insist on coming with him back to Aboda Village. He would never refuse her anything, and he assumed she might have wanted to meet Alfonso, or Niko, or really just visit his hometown, and he had agreed, staying at the castle that night. Zelda had long since given him a room close to hers, as a “more convenient place to stay” seeing how central the castle was to the rest of Hyrule.

Taking all that together, it was a surprise when she dragged him across to the small beach, where the sun sparkled against the deep blue sea, unclasped her belt that had the small sash attached to it, and pulled her dress off.

He gaped, before hurriedly turning away, “Zel! What are you doing?!”

“Taking my dress off silly, I’ve got my swimsuit underneath! We’re going swimming! I’ve finally, finally, caught up with the paperwork that accumulated whilst we were on our journey, and I finished my lessons in advance this week, for this reason! I know it’s not Papuchia, but there’s always a next time!”

What? Swimming? NEXT TIME?!

Nope, he had to ignore that for now. There was the issue of surviving the first-time round.

Because the idiot that he was, he couldn’t swim!

He lived in what was basically a seaside town, and yet, he couldn’t even paddle in the water, let alone swim.

He would drown as soon as the water reached higher than his neck!

“Link? It’s not too late, is it? I know it’s a little bit later than what I originally intended for when asking you, but there was just so much reordering to do in the Kingdom. Plus, you remember the whole scribing thing we had to undertake; it all took up so much more time than I expected. And then the weather was just awful this past week whenever I had some free time...”

Oh yes, he remembered the scribing. That whole incident had happened a week after their return to the castle, where Link had stayed behind both to physically recover himself from exhaustion and his wounds, and simultaneously help Zelda adjust to the land of the living.

On the first day, she had walked into so many doors and walls he thought she might have concussed herself, she regularly forgot she had to eat, and she didn’t have any fear of heights, despite the fact that falling with a body had pretty serious consequences. Consequently, Link felt honour bound to try to help her to remember she was, in fact, Hylian, and as such susceptible to many perils that she seemed to have forgotten over the course of the long months she spent as a spirit. Plus, she was very cute, and he blushed every time he felt her grip his hand excitedly, or drag his arm towards a bookshelf, or give him impromptu hugs for helping her.

Niko had cornered them after a week, wondering where Link had gotten too. When he found the two of them nibbling on sweet buns from Castle Town, a book on maps wedged firmly on their thighs, Link’s arm resting on the panel just above her shoulders; Niko had pulled a right fit. He had fussed over Link before declaring he would now create a tapestry to commemorate the newest iteration of legendary events. And that had taken the better part of two weeks to complete, and was now referred to as the “scribing” by Zelda and him.

“Link! Are you going to change your clothes or not? That’s the second reason why I didn’t drag you to Papuchia, because I forgot to tell you to pack your trunks.” She paused, “You do have trunks, right?”

No, no he didn’t. He’d just sacrifice an old pair of cargo pants he had. It would be fine. Probably. He made a vague motion towards his house, before deciding to put the Hero’s cap on. It would hopefully hold some of his hair back, and it would bring him luck on this death quest he was about to embark on.

Why?

Why did he put himself through this?

He sighed. He knew the answer.

This was all because he couldn’t say no to her.

He shuffled back into his home, Niko popping up whilst he half-heartedly opened his wardrobe and shuffled around some more. Spirits. He didn’t want to go back out. He didn’t want to admit to Zelda he didn’t know how to swim. Worse still, he didn’t want her to think badly of him for living by a seaside town, and yet, never having learnt such an essential skill.

Niko hobbled across on his cane to Link, peering around the wardrobe door.

“What’s with the long face? I thought you’d be excited, bringing the Princess over. Yes boy, I know she’s here, everyone heard the two of you enter town. It’s a small place, Link.”

He fished out an old, half-faded blue pair of shorts. “Zelda wants to go swimming, Niko.”

Niko’s eyes widened, “What? But you-”

Link slammed the wardrobe door shut with perhaps more force than necessary. “I know.”

Niko hesitated, before he placed a gnarled hand on Link’s shoulder. “I have a question for you Link… Do you know of any of Princess Zelda’s weaknesses?”

Well, that one was easy. “She’s absolutely terrified of mice. She will literally jump into my arms, or onto my back, to escape them.” He chuckled, “Even as a giant Phantom, three times my height, she couldn’t come near one.” He hesitated, thinking back to their recent conversations on her balcony under the stars, “She’s also scared of not doing well... but I guess this is a fear we all have…”

“That’s your answer then, Link.”

Huh? Why would knowing what Zelda was scared of make any difference?

“I can see you are still confused. Let me make it clearer. Did you judge the Princess for having those failings? Did you at any point think less of her?”

He vehemently shook his head, before stopping midway as it finally sunk in.

Oh.

Niko simply tapped his cane against the floor twice, before ambling off. “I’ll make some fried chicken for you both. One always gets hungry after swimming in the sea.”

Link scrambled into his shorts, and then ran out, just as Zelda walked up to meet him. “You were gone for an awfully long time, Link. I don’t want to imagine how disorganised your wardrobe is-”

The words bubbled out, “Zelda I don’t know how to swim.”

“-at least you’ve got some… are those even trunks? Well-”

“Zelda.” He grabbed her hand, shaking her arm a little, “Zelda!”

“What?”

“I don’t know how to swim.”

She stared, stupefied. “Why didn’t you say? I would have brought my floats!”

It was his turn to gape. “Floats?”

She waved her hands in the air. “You know those things you use to keep you upright in the water.” A frown grew on her face, “Wait, does everyone here not know how to swim? That’s quite dangerous! We’ll have to change that.”

She shook her head, gently clasped his hand, pulling him along, “But that’s for later. I’ll teach you today, Link, if you want?”

He nodded, and she smiled.

“Let’s start off with paddling first, and then progress to basic kicks!”

Time flew by again, as he started off gently peddling his feet in the water, arms spread out wide, head just about jutting above the water line as he hovered, suspended in the sea, for the first time. Once he’d mastered just holding his weight in the water they proceeded onto kicks. That involved first thrashing his legs whilst gripping onto the ridge of land to hold himself in place. Then he advanced to doing one leg at a time like a proper swimming pattern. Zelda wrapped her arms around his middle, and he had a go at moving both arms and legs in synchrony.

He was surprised she could carry him, “Link, I do exercise you know. I’m not just a fluffy Princess. Being a Phantom was quite the experience.”

She heaved him higher, and he spluttered in the water, thrashing his arms a bit at the unexpected heave, “I liked being strong, and being able to help you. So, I’m going to do the best I can with my current body too. You never know, it might prove useful on our next adventure!”

He could only smile. He thanked the Spirits for giving him the chance to meet Zelda. For going on their convoluted journey. For having her as his best friend.

Soon enough, she gently let go of him, and moved to interlock her fingers with his hands as she guided him through the waves, his legs doing the measured, purposeful kicks they had practised.

He was so focussed, he hadn’t at all noticed Alfonso on the shore, until he called out to them, probably wondering what Link was even doing in the water. Zelda told Link to keep on kicking his legs as she slowly walked backwards, screamed back that he was okay and that he was learning to swim. Both of them cringed as they heard Alfonso guffaw loudly and watched as he shook his head, walking off towards the station.

“Well, we’re nearly there, Link!” She loosened her grip on his left hand, moving to clasp his wrist instead, “I’m barely holding onto you! You’re doing it! You’re swimming!”

And he gave her the biggest smile he could, as she slowly let go, wading backwards, and he swam by himself towards her, for the very first time.

Suddenly, the idea of doing this again was no longer so horrifying.

What was there to worry about when he had Zelda, his partner, his best friend, by his side?

[marisol993]

For some time now I've seen, over and over again, that the Qunari in the Dragon Age Universe are apparently some kind of racist caricature of black people, muslims and other types of poc's, bipoc's, minorities, ....

From a personal perspective I never saw them as such, but since a personal view of things isn't very objective and can be skewed by ones life-experiances I was completely willing to admit, that I might have been wrong about that and had an opportunity to learn something new here.

The more I thought about it and critically examined this statement though, the less I agreed with any of it. Especially since a lot of arguments in favor of this view seemed to boil down to "this person of [insert relevant minority here] said so". I.e. another "personal viewpoint".

So let's get into a critical analysis of the Qunari and why I think that they are so very far removed from any kind of "minorty" (from a western point of view) coding that you couldn't even see it with the power of the Hubble and James Webb space-telescopes combined:

First of all, who are the Qunari? The Qunari are tall, medium to heavily built, horned (or unhorned, if you only played Origins) humanoids, that come in varying shades of grey skin, with whiteish hair. They are more intensly sexually dimorphic than the Dwarves, Elves and Humans of Thedas, with the males being sometimes nearly twice as wide (especially in the shoulders) and much more muscled than the females. They call themselves the Qunari as they are followers of the Qun (their guide to life and society), though the word is more of an umbrella-term, since anybody of any race is called a Qunari if they "convert" to the teachings of the Qun.

Here's a picture:

At this point some people might already remark, that the Qunari are very obviously "black-coded" since apparently nowadays any deviation from natural, real-life human skintones automatically has to mean, that the fantasy-race in question is meant to reflect black or brown people (even if they are green or bright purple), unless you literally give them a complete and utterly snow-white skintone. If that is the argument you want to go with, I would like to redirect your eyes to the picture above, as it already disproves this. As it is shown there (and in the DA:I Character-Creator), the Qunari can come in a complete spectrum of skintones (from very light grey to nearly ebony), just like all the different races of Thedas (even the dwarves for some reason, which doesn't make much sense for a race that lived underground for most of their history, but what can you do..). This basically means, that yes there are dark-skinned (or "black") Qunari, but there are also those that could be better described as "light-skinned", so the coding-qualifier goes away.

Then there are the people, who might want to say, that because they are tall and "burly", together with the unnatural skintone makes them "black-coded" which is something I never really understood, since the tallest people in the world by ethnicity are the Dutch and if you look at heights in correlation with body-weight the Russians take first place. Both countries not really know for their large populations of darkskinned-humanoids. Another coding-qualifier that goes away.

And then there are the people (who I would seriously suggest should maybe review their own "racial" views, if "black and brown people" is the first thing they think about when it comes to this), who say, that they are a stereotype of the "savages and natives", which is something that is actively contradicted in canon. One of the most prominent traits of the Qunari is that they are efficiant to a T, use every resorce at the disposal to it's maximum (including their people) and that they are more technically and scientifically advanced than many other race in Thedas (except maybe the dwarves) . This is shown through their mastery of gunpowder (which they call gaatlok) and the fact that they can use chemicals and drugs to literally warp the mind of people without needing magic. They are in no way presented as "savage" and if they are named such, it's usually by people who they are actively at war with, who want to insult them. They are also not "natives" of Thedas. Even their so called "homeland" in Thedas, which is called Par Vollen, was colonised by them, when they landed at it's shores in 6:30 Steel-Age and started converting the original population of Tevinter humans and elves, with whom they have been at war with ever since. Let me say that again: The Qunari are active colonisers and at war with the Tevinter-Imperium, who's people are the original population of the land. Not exactly a typical "native or black" stereotype in western media.

So who do I think the Qunari are actually modeled after?

Well let's summarise:

The Qunari came from across the ocean in their ships filled with cannons and guns, to colonise the land and convert the native population towards their beliefs. They are currently fighting a war against the Tevinter-Imperium, an old and powerful empire, that engages in widespread slavery and practices blood-magic by sacrificing said slaves, sometimes also to one of their many gods.

(If you can't guess who I think they are supposed to be modeled after by now, I would recommend to maybe picking up a 7th-grade history textbook again)

Yes, you can make a very strong case for the Qunari actually being these guys:

The Conquistadors (heck, if you cross out a few letters you can even anagram the word "Qunari" out of the word Conquistador). Who also came from across the sea with ships, cannons and guns to colonise the land (south- and middle-america) and convert the native population (to christianity) and fought an ancient and powerful empire with slaves and blood-sacrifices (the Aztec-Kingdoms).

So after pissing of one half of tumblr with that, let's start with the other half by talking about the apparent "muslim-coding" and how I disagree with that too.

Let's start with a rough definition of what a muslim is and how I think that that alone shows how the Qunari are in no way coded to be them:

I would define a muslim as somebody who is an active member of the religion of Islam. Islam is defined by it's holybook (the Qur'An), which was revealed to the prophet Muhammad by an all-knowing and omnipresent abrahamic god.

This in and of itself basically already disqualifies the Qunari from being "muslim-coded" since first and foremost the Qunari are not a religion. They do not have a god and they don't pray to any, the Qun is not a "holy-book" and Ashkaari Koslun (the guy who wrote it) was not a prophet, who wrote down the word of god, but a philosopher who basically crafted a "guide to life and society" with his works.

If you really wanted to find something that is slightly "muslim-coded" in the world of Thedas, you might actually have more luck with the chantry-stuff, since they do have a prophet (Andraste) who could talk to god (the Maker), they have a holy book based of her teachings (the Chant of Light) and they believe that the whole world should follow those teachings, so god will return to them (singing the Chant from all four corners of the world). They even have their own flavour of jihadist religious warfare with the Exhalted Marches (though all in all I do think that the Chantry can be better viewed as a take on christian religions since the split between the Imperial Chantry and the original one is similar to the split of the (western) christian church into catholics and protestants).

So what do I think is a better representation for the Qun in the real world?

Well lets look at it in the simplest way possible that the canon gives us:

The Qun is a guide for the life of the Qunari (the people of the Qun) that ecompasses everything from laws, legislative guides, too how society should be struktured and how everyone has to fit into and function in that society, from the most mundane and simplest tasks and jobs to it's highest administrative bodies. Everyone in this society is evaluated, so that they can be put into a position that is best suited to them and their skill-sets. There they will then each work according to their abilities and each be provided for according to their needs (see what I did there). Yes, the Qun can in my opinion be best described as a take on an authoritarian-socialist guide to life, written by somebody with a similar philosophie as Karl Marx.

So all in all, I don't think that the Qunari are in any way black-, brown-, bipoc- or muslim-coded, but a fantasy take on the Conquistadors, if instead of a bible they had all carried around "A Guide to Life, Luck and Community, written by Karl Marx (during one of his more productive weekends)", visually represented by giant Minotaur-People of many colours.

Also I find this obsession with finding every and any kind of reflexion of our real world in some random fantasy setting, by people who are most of the time actively looking to get offended by at least something and mostly every- and anything, quite contrived most of the time and that the day people on tumblr learned the word "codeing" a significant part of the internets critical-thinking skills and will just shrivelled up and died.

Thank you for coming to my TED-talk.

[holycatsandrabbits]

Tollense, an original serial romance by Dannye Chase, Chapter 1

A history professor falls in love with his best friend, a 3000-year-old vampire.

READ FROM THE BEGINNING: You are here!

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Chapter 1

1993

Professor Liam Beyer was born a decade after the deaths of the last soldiers to fight in the US Civil War. Thus, he was not expecting to meet a Union Army veteran in his 4 o’clock symposium on the Battle of Antietam.

Liam noticed the man as soon as he walked in, and not just because it was odd for a member of the public to show up for a faculty lecture at the university. No, the man caught Liam’s attention because he was distractingly handsome. Literally, Liam was distracted enough to drop his pen onto the overhead projector, causing a giant shadow to loom over the map of Maryland on the screen behind him, as if a third army had materialized there in a dense offensive line.

The man was of average height, with a slender build. He had dark hair in a short, modern cut and wore a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt with a faded label. He looked like he might be thirty, which was about the age Liam was, and so Liam did not immediately assume that the man had seen action in the Civil War. But there was something faintly strange about him, just in the way that he walked, light on his feet like a dancer, but stepping firmly, without a dancer’s well-practiced grace.

“General Lee,” Liam continued, in a slightly strangled voice, “of the Confederate Army, was, of course, outnumbered, but the battle was Union General McClellan’s to lose. Had he understood how superior his force was, had he taken more risks, he might have been able to deal a decisive blow to Lee’s army as it retreated. In fact, McClellan’s performance at Antietam was part of the reason that President Lincoln later removed him from duty.”

Liam put up a transparency of a white church with peeling paint, standing alone on a grassy rise. “On September 17, 1862, 7,650 soldiers died at Antietam, making it the bloodiest day for Americans in history. Two days later, a man named Alexander Gardner took some of the first widely-seen battlefield photographs of dead soldiers. Some were awaiting burial, and some were still lying where they fell. It was very difficult at the time to take photographs of battles themselves, as the technology involved careful treatment of glass negatives, and that was nearly impossible under battlefield conditions. But the dead do not move, and these photographs were so clear that when displayed in New York, family members recognized their fallen sons.”

Liam put up a transparency of one of Gardner’s photographs, young men lying on the ground in an oddly perfect line. The unknown man looked away.

oOo

Liam had grading to do after his symposium, but he walked to the campus union to grab a sandwich first. He was definitely not expecting Handsome Unknown Lecture Man to appear out of the crowd and drop into the seat opposite him. Liam was very proud that he did not choke on his bite of ham and swiss.

“I hope you don’t mind,” said the man. “I enjoyed your lecture. My name is Kurt.”

Liam put his hand out to shake. Kurt’s touch was faintly cold. “Liam,” he said.

Kurt cocked his head slightly to the side, as if assessing him. “I know. Liam Beyer, 27, assistant professor of history, specializing in battles. Is Antietam your favorite?”

“Um— one of them. I did my dissertation on it. On McClellan, specifically.” Liam felt slightly odd about the fact that this stranger knew who he was, but of course, it was all publicly accessible information. “Are you a Civil War buff?”

“Somewhat.” Kurt leaned back in his chair. “Antietam, god. I remember Bloody Lane— that’s what they called it after. The road was sunken in because so many wagons had gone by over the years. It was like trying to fight your way out of your own grave trench.” Kurt spoke with a faint accent that Liam could not place, something that seemed to shift from one place to another.

“You talk like you were there,” Liam said, smiling. “Are you a reenactor?”

Kurt gave a sharp laugh. “No. You?”

“I’ve been a technical advisor. It’s nice to meet other people who share my strange obsession.”

“Those pictures you showed,” Kurt said. “Photography is such a bewitching art. Those boys are long gone, but remain ever present in death.”

“You know, the war helped make Spiritualism popular,” Liam said. “It was so hard on the families back home to lose contact with their soldiers, not knowing what happened to them, or when, or where. They couldn’t bear it, and turned to mediums.”

Kurt smiled, and it made his bright green eyes sparkle with amusement. “Have you ever been to a seance?” he asked. Liam shook his head. “Most I’ve been to were quite boring,” Kurt said. “But every once in awhile—”

“That sounds like a good story.”

“I’ll tell you sometime.” Liam’s brain was already far too occupied with how attractive he found this poor man, and that was probably why the sentence sounded more like a salacious promise than it really was.

“So what do you do?” Liam asked faintly, crumpling his empty sandwich wrapper. “Are you a student?”

“Not at the moment. Just a fan of history. Of battles, actually.” Kurt leaned forward a little. “Liam, would you mind if I came to your office tomorrow to talk more? I have some questions and I think you might be the one to help me answer them.”

“I— of course.” Liam told himself that he agreed solely because he liked to talk about history with people, and that it didn’t matter whether or not said people were ridiculously attractive.

Kurt smiled at him again. “Until tomorrow then.”

On his way out of the dining hall, Liam was stopped by a student with a question about an assignment on Gettysburg. “I didn’t want to interrupt your dinner,” she said.

“Oh, it would have been fine,” Liam told her. “We were talking about the Civil War ourselves.”

The student gave him a confused look. “Dr. Beyer— weren’t you eating alone?”

oOo

In the end, Liam decided that as he’d never dreamed up a handsome man in quite so much detail before, that the student had been mistaken and simply had not noticed Kurt’s presence at Liam’s table.

And yet. There really was something very strange about the man. Liam couldn’t quite pin it down, just that there was a disconnect between what Liam was seeing and what he was feeling about him. For example, Kurt appeared to be thirty, but Liam would swear he was older. Kurt had looked perfectly natural at dinner, but it had also seemed like he didn’t quite fit in with his surroundings. Like if you’d taken a photograph of him at the table, he would have been slightly too bright, out of focus, or without a shadow.

Kurt’s knock on Liam’s office door finally came around eleven, and Liam was, he realized, far too happy to see him again. At first, nothing about the visit seemed terribly odd. They discussed Antietam again, then traveled forward to the Somme, and then much farther back, Megiddo and Kadesh. Kurt seemed to know less about those battles, Liam noted, but he was quite familiar with things taking place after Thermopylae in the 5th century BC.

It was easy to talk to Kurt, especially about interests they had in common, and as the conversation went on, Kurt seemed to relax a bit, which made Liam do the same. The day before, Liam had thought Kurt moved without grace, but that wasn’t exactly right. Kurt had a different kind of grace, a fluidity of small movements instead of large ones, an artistry shown in the fluttering of fingers while the rest of the man kept entirely still. The emphasis on such small motions seemed to draw Liam in, narrowing his focus away from his surroundings and onto his visitor. But at the same time, Kurt had such an air of other about him, that it was almost like Liam was looking at him through beveled glass, never quite getting the whole image at once.

However, Liam’s sense of ease around Kurt vanished entirely when another student knocked on Liam’s door with a question about an assignment. That in itself was perfectly normal, but during the whole time that the student was in Liam’s office, she didn’t speak to Kurt or apologize for interrupting their conversation. She didn’t give a single look to the chair that Kurt occupied beside Liam’s desk.

When the student had left, Liam leaned back in his chair, trying to fake the calmness that he no longer felt. “All right,” he said, watching his visitor carefully. “You want to tell me why I’m the only person who can see you?”

********

READ FROM THE BEGINNING: You are here!

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Updates Fridays on Ao3 and DannyeChase.com (rated E), and Tumblr (rated T)

Want to create fic, art, or other works based on this series? Please do! Just dm or tag me.

My previous serials are for Good Omens: Mr. Fell's Bookshop and Love's Endless Light

My Carrd

[viastro]

home | jeon wonwoo

ミ★ synopsis: in which you decide to tell your old high school bully that your roommate you’ve been pining after for the past eight months is your boyfriend.

ミ★ genre: crack, fluff, fake relationship tings, roommates!

ミ★ warnings: none!

ミ★ word count: 2,089

ミ★ pairings: wonwoo x female reader

ミ★ notes: hi! back with another oneshot ! I plan to release a oneshot for each member of seventeen at some point during my tumblr career hehe. I recently hit 60 followers which is really crazy? I gained a lot from the mini social media au I made and it really made me like :,) because hehe validation anyways, enjoy this cute little oneshot i wrote for my boy wonwoo!

“There’s no way he’s your boyfriend yn, not even the high school furry liked you!” Your old bully tells you, staring at the guy you pointed at in disbelief. You frown at her, feeling the nerves building up in your stomach from the blatant LIE you just spoke.

Now here you were at the coffee shop you work at to help pay for your basic needs while you’re in college. It’s a rather cute shop, if you do say so yourself, not too far from your shared apartment with your roommate Wonwoo.

The story of how you and Wonwoo became roommates is rather short and anticlimactic. Basically you and Wonwoo had mutual friends (read: Mingyu) and said mutual friend was like “Okay, my bffie Wonwoo is looking for a roommate and you need a place to stay, I think I’ve connected the dots.”

“You didn’t connect shit.”

“No, I’ve connected them.”

And that’s how you and Wonwoo met, through sir Mingyu. You guys have been living together for a year and a half now. You both get along rather well, your dynamic is nice. Wonwoo is rather clean, but he can’t really cook for the life of him so you’re the one who does the cooking at the apartment. You both like to read beside each other at night. Usually you guys have discussions on your current read and whether or not you guys would recommend the book to anyone or not. It’s like your own mini book club.

At first, this next activity was just a you thing. On Fridays when you weren’t busy, you’d put in a movie and make pizza. In the first month you started doing this, Wonwoo would just take a piece of pizza then retreat to his room after bidding you a small, “Thanks!” In the second month of you living together, Wonwoo started joining in on your movie nights. You both started switching off on who would choose the movie every week, and now it’s a tradition.

and now you both have hidden feelings towards each other but are too afraid to make a move, but that’s not important. yes it is you’re lying.

Wonwoo also likes to stop by and pick you up from work at times because he knows you don’t appreciate walking home alone, even though you do work rather close to where you guys live. This is due to an incident where a homeless man got mad at you for only giving him a five dollar bill, grabbing your arm forcefully so that you couldn’t run away. You ended up kicking him in the area where the sun does not shine, and you sprinted to your apartment crying. Wonwoo calmed you down by making you tea, and promised to try and pick you up from work when he could.

So that’s how you end up in this position now. You’re about to end your shift, and Wonwoo is waiting at one of the tables drinking the hot chocolate you made him as he waits for you. Only for your old bully from high school to suddenly walk in and start… a whole… conversation with you….

“Oh my god, yn?” You glance up from the latte you’re making, only to immediately look back down at it because jesus christ it’s fucking Eunji.

Eunji made your high school life absolute ass. She always befriended the people you’d start talking to, making them leave you behind as she told them false rumors. Of course, her being the more sociable one, they believed her right away. Who would believe the quiet one who has like one friend? Yeah, that’s right. You were rather lonely during high school due to this, but as soon as you entered college, things got a lot better.

You met Mingyu first, the 6’2” giant who has the personality that resembles a puppy. You became friends due to a shared chemistry class you were both forced to take. You bonded well over the fact that you both dislike science, and became best friends. He introduced you to his other friends after you and Wonwoo moved in together, and now your friend group consists of 12 other guys who act like babies. Basically, Mingyu is a friend matchmaker, a rather successful one at that.

“My god, it really is you. Do you go to Seoul University too?” She asks as she steps closer to the counter, tapping her acrylics on the hard surface. You clench your jaw slightly, turning around and placing the now finished latte on the other counter, calling out the customer’s name, before heading back over to take her order.

“Yeah, I’m in the psychology building.” You tell her with a fake smile, preparing the register to take her order.

“Oh really? Still quite a nerd, huh?” She asks with the most shit eating grin you've ever seen in your life, and it makes you want to jump across this counter and choke her. However, you choose to ignore her comment for the sake of your income.

“What would you like to order Eunji?”

“Are you dating anyone yet?” She asks instead, and it takes everything in your being to not sigh out loud.

“Yn, I’ll be taking over now.” You hear Yeri say behind you, and you let out a small smile. “It was nice seeing you Eunji.” You tell her, turning around and taking off your apron.

“Thank you Yeri.” You whisper and she gives you a knowing smile, nodding her head as you walk off.

You head towards the back where the break room is, unlocking your locker. You bite your lip at the recent conversation with the spawn of satan herself, letting your head hit the metal for a moment. You haven’t had a boyfriend, ever. You’ve been a bit luckier during your time in college because you have had a few guys ask you out, but you always turn them down. Why? Because you only want one guy, and that happens to be your goddamn roommate.

Letting out a sigh, you take out your padded coat and put it on, along with your red scarf. You step out of the break room, making your way to Wonwoo, only for Eunji to stop right in front of you with a big smile on her face.

“You never answered my question, do you have a boyfriend yet, yn?” You stare at her with the most deadpan expression, trying to step past her but she blocks you once again.

“Why aren’t you answering? Is it cause you still haven’t managed to get a guy to like you?” She asks with a small chuckle and you feel your blood boil.

god. this bitch is obsessed with me !!

“Actually Eunji, I do have a boyfriend. He’s waiting for me right now at that table over there.” You say, pointing over to where Wonwoo is sitting. She turns to look, and her eyes widen before she turns back to look at you.

“Jeon Wonwoo??” You nod your head with a small smile, feeling the regret pooling at your stomach.

haha why did i just do that :D

When you told Eunji that Wonwoo was your boyfriend, you completely forgot the fact that Jeon Wonwoo... was one of the most eligible bachelors at Seoul University... aha… ahahah….

“Yeah, we’ve been together for over a year now.” You say with a forced smile, which you hope looks genuine. She gapes at you, “There’s no way he’s your boyfriend yn, not even the high school furry liked you!”

Ouch.

“Thanks Eunji.” You tell her, trying to walk over to Wonwoo who is too invested in his book to have even noticed you being harrassed by this purple haired twat. Eunji’s faster though, and she walks over and starts a conversation with Wonwoo despite the absolute horror written across your face.

“Hi Wonwoo, my name is Eunji.” She says, giving a rather.. flirtatious smile. You frown immediately at the sight.

“Uh, hi?” He says, placing his bookmark into the book and turning to give her his attention.

“That girl, yn, over there,” She turns to point at you and his eyes widen a bit once he realizes that you’re off your shift. He gives you a smile and you give him a nervous smile back. “She says you’re her boyfriend?”

It’s almost comical how Wonwoo’s eyes widen even more and you almost facepalm. Eunji takes notice of this, and her lips form into a small smirk.

“Is this true?” She asks him and he glances over at you. You’re staring down at the floor, fiddling with your hands. Wonwoo feels his heart warm, and he stands up, towering over Eunji. She smiles at Wonwoo, thinking he’s gonna flirt with her as she takes in his handsome features from close up, only for him to step past her and make his way over to you.

“Wait wha-”

Wonwoo pulls you into his warm embrace and your eyes widen, arms instinctively wrapping around his middle. He plants a kiss on the top of your head and you feel your face turn red. “How cute, you’re telling people I’m your boyfriend now?” He whispers as you pull away from him to look at his face. You give him a playful glare, about to push him away when Eunji stops you in your tracks.

“Wait. You’re actually dating this girl?”

“Uh, hell yeah? She’s perfect hello.” Wonwoo says as if it’s the most obvious thing ever, and you feel your knees turn to jelly. Thinking to yourself, oh my god the guy i’ve been pining over for the past eight months just said i’m perfect. Eunji gives you a death glare, her ears turning red from anger.

“T-that’s ridiculous! You could’ve dated literally anybody else, and you choose her?!” She asks, voice getting higher in pitch the angrier she gets. Wonwoo glares at her, immediately making her cower a bit. You raise an eyebrow at the sight of Eunji actually being a bit afraid.

“I don’t know who you think you are that you have the right to say that about my girlfriend, or anyone in that matter, but it’s not right. I love yn, she’s my girlfriend for a reason. I’m sorry that you’re too jealous of her to even realize how wonderful of a person she is.” He defends you and you feel your face heat up again.

ima kiss this man right square on the mouth with his CONSENT.

“B-but, you never… you never made it apparent that you guys were even dating! There’s no way, this has to be a setup-” Wonwoo effectively cuts off Eunji.

By turning his head towards you and planting his lips onto yours. Your eyes widen for a split second because holy fucking shit, before closing them and kissing him back. You take notice of how soft his lips are, and how they taste faintly of chocolate and whipped cream. Wonwoo tastes a bit of coffee on your lips with a hint of caramel as well. He smiles against your lips at the thought of you sneaking some caramel syrup, thus causing you to smile as well.

“Were you eating some of the caramel syrup while you were making coffee?” He whispers against your lips teasingly, and you giggle. “What kind of person would I be if I wasn’t, Jeon Wonwoo.”

“O-oh my God.” Eunji mutters defeatedly, turning around and basically running out of the coffee shop. Once she’s gone, you and Wonwoo stare at each other with blushing faces.

“So, you like me huh?” He asks and you roll your eyes playfully, getting ready to push him away once again, only for him to squeeze your shoulders.

“You’re the one who kissed me Wonu.”

“You’re the one who said I’m your boyfriend, when I don’t remember us having reached that step yet.”

“Touché.”

You both stare at each other, challenge in your eyes. Only for you to let out a small giggle after a moment, and he chuckles too. He places a small kiss on your forehead, before pulling back and intertwining your fingers together.

“Let’s talk about this at home, huh?” He suggests and you nod your head eagerly.

“Please.” You both head out of the coffee shop, starting your walk home.

“I’m sorry for kissing you without your consent yn, I realize I should’ve asked you before I did it.” Wonwoo apologizes, and you nudge him a bit. 

“I’ve been pining after you for like eight months, it was quite literally a dream come true.”

“Eight months huh?” He teases and you hit his arm making him laugh.

“You know, who was that girl? Why was she so mean to you?” Wonwoo asks after a moment of walking in silence and you let out a small sigh as you swing your guys’ intertwined hands.

“Now that, is a long story…. that I will tell at home.” You answer and he smiles. You both think to yourselves a bit more, settling back into a comfortable silence. Only for Wonwoo to break it and ask,

“Wanna make jjajangmyeon?”

“Hell fucking yeah I do.”

“Great, it’s a date.”

“Wonwoo, we live together.”

“Even better!”

[mikaze-discord]

Love letter project ♡

Sooo to celebrate the 4th anniversary of Shining live, I put together a project! I basically got a bunch of people to write a love letter for their favourite boy. Things like, why they like them, how they got to like them and what they like about them were all accepted!

The event was supposed to have 2 fans for each boy but unfortunately I was unable to get two for some of the boys. 

Under the cut will be the love letters for all of Class A!!! Please enjoy~ And thank you for all the people who participated in the event and taking the time to write the love letters out. 

CLASS A

OTOYA ITTOKI

From @ponzu-penzui:

Hello world! My nickname is Yuki, and I’m here to tell you about the sunshine boy that is Otoya Ittoki. The redhead of the series, Otoya is your seemingly a-typical sunshine in a mascot boy character. But, as we all know with these types, the sunshine isn’t as, well, sunshine as they seem. Or, if you didn’t know, well… spoiler alert I guess. Go watch the anime, or play the otome games, then come back here. Anyways, let’s get started on our journey, shall we? Through the rabbithole that got me here in the first place!

Otoya immediately became my best boy the second I saw him. I’m not quite sure what immediately got me at first, whether it be his red hair and eyes, his voice, or his immediate friendliness, but here we are. I should also mention that UtaPri was my first idol anime, so I was completely unaware what was going to hit me later. And, if you’ve watched the entire anime, you know where I’m going.

Season 4 was an emotional wreck. I cried at least twice. Did I have a newfound appreciation for Otoya after all that heartache? Definitely. Without spoilers, it was incredibly painful for me to watch, but I don’t regret it.

After watching the anime, I soon found out about the existence of Shining Live. So, with no other UtaPri content to binge, I started to play SL in late 2018. After playing for a little more than a year, I tiered in my first Otoya event (Heartwarming Snow Festival), and achieved my first top 200. Ever since then, I’ve tiered in every Otoya event, getting top 200, then top 100.

But, why do I like Otoya Ittoki even to this day? Well, I guess this is the time where I say that, after a certain point, I started to see bits of myself in Otoya. This led me to start to RP him, and, as you probably know if you’ve ever roleplayed a character before, I started to look at the miniscule amount of translated game content (many thanks to the Ohayaho Translation Team) for, well, more content. And content I did receive. Long story short, this only served to solidify Otoya as my favorite boy of not only UtaPri, but from all anime/manga/game content I’ve ever seen/watched. His cheerfulness may have been the first thing that got me in this rabbithole, but his backstory and how he managed to grow up pulled me in even further. And, I don’t think I will or want to get out anytime soon.

Next one from; Anon

As much as we all know our Otoya for how sweet and kind he is, there is so much more to him than just a precious smile. He is uplifting, cheerful towards everyone he meets. He has empathy and goes out of his way to make sure his friends are happy. Even so, Otoya has feelings that aren’t always happiness and smiles. He can feel sad and angry just like anyone else.

The reason I care and love Otoya so much is because he has shown me that I don’t have to always put on a smile. It’s nice to show off your pearly whites, but sometimes, it’s okay to be sad too. There are times in everyone’s life when they feel out of place and that they don’t belong. Otoya also felt this way and that’s perfectly okay. He’s still being the best idol he can be: The idol that Otoya loves the most.

MASATO HIJIRIKAWA

From Anon: 

Masato Hijirikawa. Why do I like Masato Hijirikawa? I like him to the point that it feels weird for me to even question why I do. He's just- a good boy. A great boy. I love him. As a joke, I'd usually say that it was his weirdly pretty, bowl-cut hairstyle that drew me to him, or I'd say that he caught my interest when I read that he was "very good with his hands" (wink wonk) in his Shining Live description, and while both of these reasons are still true, it wasn't until I started role playing him in an old server that I really started to appreciate his character more.

Masato, despite his aloof and almost "perfect" initial image, is a very relatable character. When he first arrived at Saotome (in-game) he wasn't necessarily seen as someone with a lot of talent to become an idol, which he acknowledged with grace and worked hard to make up for. He's humble despite his privileged upbringing and is incredibly self-aware of his flaws, which are sources of insecurity for him sometimes (a lot of times). Though it should be said that most of this insecurity stems from not having a lot of control over his early life, which is why it felt so gratifying to see him break free of his metaphorical chains to pursue his happiness without any doubts. He's a hard worker and is willing to accept criticism with open arms, not only for himself but for the people around him. Despite his traditional upbringing and nature, he's very receptive to change as long as it benefits both him and STARISH. He values the people he cares about more than anything, which is why he constantly strives to be a better version of himself every day, not only for himself but for the people around him.

Though his stoicism sometimes makes him seem plain or even "boring" to some people, he hides a warm, hidden passion within that's just as bright as everyone else's. Like the springtime bloom of cherry blossoms after winter, Masato shows his passion and love with no restraint to anyone who takes the time to understand him, and I can very much attest to this. I love him a lot and I hope to see more content of him, STARISH, and the others for more years to come.

NATSUKI SHINOMIYA

From uh....me:

HELLO I’m Z~ also known as the mod of the mikaze-discord/utapri-hcs tumblrs, as well as the organiser for the event! But enough about myself, let's talk about Natsuki Shinomiya.

When I first watched the anime as a youngin, I had already known about the games and their plots but had decided to try out the anime as well since I had nothing better to do.

Natsuki was actually one of my least favourite characters in the anime just because of how they presented him. I just...didn't care for him at all. He was just some random tall guy who loved hugs and almost murder…. Yeah.

I’m sure like most, I had a changing point. Originally, I was a Tokiya rper but...I was just unhappy with how my Tokiya was, I wasn't as experienced in rping with that server being my first rp server i was ever in. I didn't feel like I matched up with the others. I felt my Tokiya was just lacking something, substance maybe. Another person actually had a similar feeling and had changed their character from Camus to Syo and since we already had an Ai, I had just decided to go with the flow and complete the rest of the cute team. Best decision of my life. I’m so grateful for Natsuki and everything I associate him with. Without him, I probably wouldn't have made my tumblrs, I wouldn't have stayed in that server, I wouldn't have gone looking for other servers to rp in. I don't think I would be the same without Natsuki. I just find him so endearing now, he is just a lovable giant who happens to be able to be a disney princess. He is just so darn cute damn it. , just look at his Christmas card, his King card, quite literally just half his Shining live URs. Also, just like his songs just slap. Natsuki to me, is just serotonin. He gave me so many opportunities that I could have missed. I don't even think I would have started this love letter project without him if I’m being completely honest. I genuinely enjoyed all the memories I made as Natsuki. Thank you to Natsuki and to the Mikaze-discord for basically starting me off.

From Luke:

Natsuki was actually the very first character I encountered before I got into utapri. A friend showed a photo of him and told me that I'd probably be into this guy. She sure was right! After installing shining live for the first time and having a familiar face on the screen, I grew curious of him each day and just had to find out why was so attracted to him. The fact that I've seen him so many times in the past was haunting me, telling me that this man actually watched me grow up from a distance without even knowing his name. It sounds weird but I find it rather comforting for someone who doesn't want to be protected but isn't strong enough to defend myself alone.

The thought of having him there was enough to get me through the day and gave me enough reason to wake up to the next. I admit I may have adapted some of his habits after looking after his account for a year but that isn't a bad thing if it means that it would turn me into a much better person than I am now. I guess you could say we've grown together now in a sense, preserving the feelings and just living through the moment no matter how happy or sad it is. What's important is that we're not alone in all things we do and in everything we feel, there will always be someone there to keep us moving when we feel like giving up.

[gilmores-glorious-blog]

I held you close as we both shook

(Disclaimer this is the first fic I’ve ever written and I wrote it in a rush of emotions after the new episode)

-

-

Roman manages to hold himself together until after he sinks out. But the moment he rises up into the mind palace, he breaks down. 

Virgil has been sitting on the couch for a few hours. He’s vaguely aware that the others are off talking to Thomas, but he’s too engrossed in Tumblr to care about missing out. Remus has walked by occasionally, making crude comments, but if there’s one thing Virgil’s good at, it’s blocking Remus out. All in all, Virgil’s doing pretty well. A little alone time can do wonders for anxiety. 

There’s the signature noise of a side returning to the mind palace, and Virgil’s head pops up from his phone. So much for his alone time. Upon seeing the top of Roman’s head begin to appear, Virgil bites back a smile. He would never admit it out loud, but Roman makes him inexplicably happy. Remus once told him- back when they talked to each other- that that is called “a crush! your feelings are horny! you want my brother to-” (this is where Virgil cut him off). So naturally, Virgil is a bit excited to see Roman return. 

Before the purple side can even open his mouth to say hello, however, Roman starts crying. Startled, Virgil stays quiet. He watches as Roman, usually cheerful and confident, crumples to the floor in front of the tv and let out silent sobs. Roman mutters to himself, but Virgil is unable to hear him fully. He does catch snippets of useless, pathetic, and despicable, though. Virgil is so shocked at the scene that he forgets to say anything. After a few minutes, he finds his voice again and manages a weak “...Ro?” 

Roman’s head shoots up. He immediately starts wiping tears from his eyes, plastering on the fakest smile Virgil has ever seen.

“Oh, hey there Jack Smellington, I didn’t see you there.”

Virgil tentatively moves off the couch towards where Roman sits. “Roman, what on earth happened?”

“What are you talking about? I’m fine. You’re just anxious. Well of course you’re anxious, you’re anxiety! My point being, Hot Topic, nothing is wrong-”

“Ro, I saw you crying.” 

Roman’s face falls. “Ah. You did. Well, please don’t feel the need to help me. Or pity me. Or anything of the such. I promise I’m fine, I just…” He trails off, and Virgil sees tears glistening in his eyes, watches him bite his shaking lower lip. “I just… he just…”

“He?” Virgil still has no idea what’s happening.

Apparently this nameless ‘he’ holds a lot of emotion for the creative side right now, because Roman starts crying again.

“I-I’m sorry, this is so embarrassing.” Roman sniffles. “Feel free to hate me. Everyone else does.”

With those two sentences, Virgil can feel his heart break. 

“Ro… no one hates you.”

“Really?! Janus didn’t seem to be a big fan of me.”

Virgil’s blood runs cold. He hasn’t heard that name for years, since he stopped hanging out with the dark sides. “Janus? Deceit told you his name?”

“Yep. And everyone loves him now. He’s Thomas’ new best pal. His new hero. He doesn’t need me anymore.”

Virgil clenches his fist. “Roman, I need you to tell me what happened as well as you can. Last I checked, we all hated De-Janus. What changed?”

Roman takes a deep, shuddering breath. “Well, Patton and I were debating how much Thomas needs to be selfless, and what the right reasons are for being selfless, and if there are right reasons, and so on. Patton got super confused and just… flipped out. Went full on frog mode. And by that I mean he literally turned into a giant frog. With abs. It was quite the sight. So then Janus shows up and is… he’s helping Thomas. And he’s going on and on about how self care is important and your mental health is a priority. And everyone believes him! Even though he is literally Deceit! So I’m trying to make a point about how he’s evil, we’ve determined he’s evil, and he’s telling us to go back on everything we’ve learned, but they all sided with him. And since I’m saying we can’t trust him, he decides now is the perfect time to make a big show of revealing his name. And yeah, maybe I laughed at it. But I was angry! And it’s a stupid name, anyways.”

Virgil takes this moment to interject. “It is. He sounds like a middle-school librarian.” Roman stares at him, an emotion in his eyes that Virgil can’t decipher. He decides that he doesn’t like the intensity in Roman’s gaze so he urges him to continue speaking.

“Upon me making a lighthearted joke, Janus com… he…” Roman breaks down crying again.

“What? What did he do?” Virgil realizes he probably shouldn’t be forcing Roman to talk about things he doesn’t want to, but he’s too blinded by his rage at Janus to think clearly. Roman doesn’t answer, and Virgil gently puts a hand on his shoulder. 

“Roman? What did he do?”

The prince mutters something that Virgil can’t hear. “What was that?” 

Roman jerks his head up from his lap. “HE COMPARED ME TO HIM!” He yells, startling Virgil. “He… he compared me to my brother. He said, and I quote, ‘Oh Roman, thank god you don’t have a mustache, otherwise between you and Remus I wouldn’t know who the evil twin is’.” Roman stares at the wall straight ahead, blinking back tears.

“...oh.” Virgil breathes.

Roman lets out a sad chuckle. “Oh.”

“Ro, I’m so sorry, I-”

“Don’t.” Roman says. “I’m done pretending I’m the hero. You and Logan, my brother and Janus, even Patton and Thomas have made it abundantly clear I’m far from it. Thomas let me be in control for far too long and it’s clear I shouldn’t be. When Deceit, the literal embodiment of lies, is trusted over me, that shows just how useless I really am. And… he’s right. Remus and I… we are similar. And I hate it. God, Virgil, I hate it so much. He’s everything I don’t want to be, and yet the only difference between us is a stupid mustache. I shouldn’t be here. I don’t deserve to be here. I’ve done nothing but hurt Thomas. And hell, even if he can’t live without Creativity… he’s got another one right there waiting for him.” 

Virgil doesn’t know when he started, but now he’s crying too. It hurts so much to see Roman like this. Roman, the brave side. Roman, the side who’s always there to lighten the situation. Roman, the side who’s clever nicknames make Virgil’s heart flutter. Roman, who Virgil has never seen sad, let alone like this. Roman, who Virgil loves.

He doesn’t know what to say. But he knows from his own experience with panic attacks that maybe Roman doesn’t want him to say anything. So he wordlessly puts his arm around the other side. Roman, still sobbing, lowers his head into Virgil’s lap. If someone had told Virgil an hour ago that Roman would be sitting with his head in his lap, Virgil (well he wouldn’t have believed them) but if he did, he would have been excited. But now he wishes more than anything that this wasn’t the situation.

Roman’s cries continue, still silent, but wracking his whole body with shuddering sobs. Virgil tries and fails to hold back his own tears while he gently runs his hand through Roman’s hair. 

After a good ten minutes of them sitting like that, Roman has fallen still. He’s still crying, but he’s sort of just numb now. 

“Ro?” Virgil asks hesitantly. “Can I say something?”

“Sure.” Roman’s reply is quiet, whispered into Virgil’s lap. 

Virgil gulps, unsure where to start. “You… you are incredible. You’re passionate, you’re smart, you’re insanely talented, you’re brave, and you are so kind. And I am so sorry for anything I have ever said or done to make you think differently. I know our relationship started off bad, to say the least, but we’ve grown so much since them, and I really truly care about you. And I know everyone else does too. Patton loves you more than anything, Logan likes you the same amount Logan likes everyone, which… it’s uncertain at times what that amount is, but I promise he loves you. Thomas couldn’t live without you. I mean, just imagine what Thomas would be like if his only creative thoughts came from Remus. It would be a nightmare! And speaking of your brother… you are nothing like him. I promise. I spent twenty-something years with him and you are so vastly different. And even if you were like him, he’s not all that bad. And he cares about you too, more than he cares about any of the rest of us. He never shuts up about you. He wants to be as good as you. Because you are a hero. ” That’s about all Virgil can muster before he breaks down too.

Roman is sitting up now, staring into Virgil’s eyes. “Do you mean all that?”

“Roman, I would never lie to you.” Virgil puts his hands on Roman’s shoulders. “So believe me when I say that I wouldn’t be able to live without you.” 

Roman laughs sadly. “That’s not true.”

Virgil speaks in a voice more serious than he’s ever spoken in before. “No. It is. You keep me in check, you help me feel like I have a purpose for Thomas, and you’re…” Virgil finds himself getting lost in Roman’s green eyes. “You’re… god, Roman, you’re fucking amazing. I love you. So much.” Virgil isn’t sure if Roman is going to interpret this in a romantic way or not, but either way, he knows it’s what the other side needs to hear right now.

Roman pauses, tears still silently streaming down his cheeks. 

And then he kisses Virgil.

It’s a soft kiss, barely touching, but it’s there. As much as he wants to, Virgil doesn’t kiss back. That’s not what either of them need right now. But either way, Virgil’s heart races. 

Roman pulls back almost as quickly as he leaned in. 

“Thank you Virgil.” He smiles at him. 

Virgil has seen Roman smile before. Many times. Often they are wide smiles. Huge smiles laced with laughter, usually in response to some stupid thing someone else said. But in this moment, Virgil feels like he’s never seen Roman smile. Because none of those countless smiles he’s seen before were anything like this. This small smile, lighting up his tearstained face, barely even noticeable as a smile, is the most genuine thing Virgil has ever seen in his life. 

Roman glances down, then back up at Virgil. 

“I think I’ll stick around.”

Virgil smiles now too, tears shimmering in his purple eyes. 

“Glad to hear it.”

[supertransural]

supernatural made me realize a bunch of shit about myself, specifically identity and it’s part of the reasons why i think it’s an inherently queer story.

allow me to clarify. once upon a time, 6 years ago, i found supernatural. back then i was mostly in the closet, even to myself. i’d gotten to that point of “hah wouldn’t it be nice to be like guys on tv and kiss the pretty girls” but not much further than that, because in most of the movies i had watched with my parents, the personality of the guy wasn’t really explored in the way supernatural (mostly unintentionally ngl) does with its characters.

so picture a teen, finding my first tv show to watch alone, being able to think my very own comments about it and not fear any repercussions from those thoughts because hey, i’m alone in my room i can think what i like about what i’m seeing. and feeling.

and here enters dean. complicated, comes from a rough childhood, parental expectations weighing so heavy on him it’s bleeding through his smiles, has a brother he feels is his duty to protect, is stuck in a loop of denial repression depression sublimation denial repression depression sublimation den-

you get the gist. i related to that guy. and then here he goes getting bi-coded (didn’t know what that was at the time but looking back, i could sure as hell feel it) and then kissing girls on screen, despite his wavering self-confidence. little ol’ gay me was like “yoooo i relate to this character on most of his character points, do i also relate to like..... wanting to do what he does??? do i wanna kiss other girls????”. fast forward one season and i’ve already figured out i was maybe bi. literally thanks to season 1 dean.

so, having figured out this “minor” aspect of myself, i went on youtube to find some other people like me and try to see if i was right to be homophobic towards myself or not. figured out, hey uh, definitely not. so you can also add “it ended up making me try to put a stop to my internalized homophobia” on the list of things that shitpost of a show helped me with.

i went back to the show for another season, relating even more to dean, and “blah blah blah queer coded character blah blah blah gay me could feel it before i knew what it was blah blah blah happy gay stuff”. several seasons passed by before anything new came up on my “hm this show rly out here bringing out all the queer aspects of myself huh” journey, but anyways i was still slowly but surely thinking holy shit i wanna be this goddamn man i want to be dean.

then comes season 4, walzing into my questioning little heart. oof ok, this season hit ALL the right spots for me. because i could feel what was going on between cas and dean and even though everything was still blurry as fuck, the parallel between sam/ruby and dean/cas was clear as day. and i was like “oh so you’re saying there’s a love here and it’s like that tarnished love between sam and ruby and it’s forbidden so that’s why we’re not seeing it and it’s like... gay”. so it made me realize “holy shit, i wanna see more gay content, and it’s ok to want that.”

then cas became another extremely relatable character, because i just kept thinking “he doesn’t really have a gender the same way other humans do” and i shit you not, he started me questioning my own gender. because again, a relatable character that you somewhat identify with that makes you ask questions about their identity INEVITABLY makes you ask questions about yourself. queue me going on youtube yet again to understand this shit a little better. i went through a few months of thinking “maybe i’m nb”, joined a few more gay communities on the internet, started learning about lgbtq+ things, watched a few more gay shows, and basically just grew a little more into my queerness.

fasforward several seasons, a couple gap years where i stopped watching it, and you’ll get to me a year ago. i thought i was a gay woman, fairly happy in that mental space and identity. but then. the whole “i wanna be dean” thing came up a lot again. because he just kept on being more and more visibly queer coded as i kept on learning more about this shit.

lo and behold, i jumped straight into the idea i was trans. and wouldya look at dat, i was right. quarantine happened, so i had to get even more of my interactions through online platforms, and quite obviously hovered around the gayer ones, or at least the lgbtq+ sides of them. and as i kept watching the show on and off, binging the first seasons for the 4th time, i kept learning more and more about myself. and those acts of gay frenzy were always started by seeing something relatable or strange in that show and looking it up. like, legitimately every time.

i found this community on tumblr a few weeks ago because i was tired of having my own little hypotheticals in my head and not knowing if anyone agreed, and the more i’ve been here the more i’ve learned about myself. the more i’ve let go of a lot of internalized hatred. the more i’ve been really ok with myself, as a trans guy. BUT ITS NOT FINISHED YET.

because, as we all know, it is common understanding here that dean is bi. WELL, i’ve been re-binging the show with that mindset finally clear in my head, and the “haha dean relatable lol” thing came up again, except it was really a “haha dean (who is bi) super relatable lol” thing now. so i paused, yet again, to think about that a little more. AND FIGURED OUT I WASNT STRAIGHT, IM BI AS FUCK.

that happened 1 month ago. i thought i’d grown fully into my queer self, that i’d gone through enough realizations and coming outs (to friends only, god forbid i come out to my parents (unfortunately quite literally god forbid lmao) before i’m out of here) for a lifetime. but apparently not. AND IT WAS STILL BECAUSE OF SUPERNATURAL. destiel and trans!dean fics helped with my internalized transphobia and homophobia, they helped with acceptance of those parts of myself. something that helped was also seeing the fact that shipping two guys in a tv show wasn’t just “being greedy with my grubby little gay hands” and wanting to think of a character as trans wasn’t just “being delusional and ridiculous”. and reading fics wasn’t cringy, it was nice and comforting.

so to try and sum up this unhinged gay rant, what i meant by my initial statement is this.

looking back on this entire self-discovery journey that i went on, it really felt like i was in the impala with the boys, except i was on a different kind of route (just picture this giant road painted in rainbow colors with baby driving at 80mph on it, that’s what it felt like). i grew with those characters, but most importantly i grew THANKS to those characters. their story was queer enough to make me, a fairly homophobic, traditional, conservative kid into a lib trans bi dude. and not in a “i got converted by the fandoms” way. i found the fandom waaaaayyyyyyyy later. i stumbled upon the fandoms looking for answers about this gayass goddamn show that i could FEEL was like me but couldn’t verbalize yet.

their story felt like a queer self discovery story and i could already see that before i went on it myself. no other shows have ever done that for me, and i’ve watched shows that had lgbtq+ characters in them, scripted gay scenes, not just subtext but text. and they still didn’t do that for me.

so this is why this show is so meaningful to be, and incidentally so very gay. like genuinely.

[theinnernerd]

I got a Twitter and kinda ditched tumblr... :( this is my attempt to change that.

This is Altean Lance from a scene in my fic The Shadow of a Prince ✨🤗✨

I’ll post an excerpt below because I CAN!!!! OmG I MISSSD the tumblr platform. I’m so FREE! I can write HOWEVER MUCH I WANT about this post.

Maybe it’s nostalgia but tumblr>>>>>Twitter. And that’s on that.

It was in the dead of the night when an alarm on Keithek’s suit started beeping.

He had been trying to doze off, not feeling like readying himself for bed, but feeling sleepy enough that if he sat down and rested his eyes for a bit, he could get a decent few minutes of sleep that would sustain him for the day tomorrow. But the beeping pulled him out of the sleepy haze he had managed to sink under in an instant and he was suddenly wide awake again.

Keithek sighed. Lance had left his room.

Standing, he went to go find him. Rounding a few quick corners before he finally got to him, the boy still seeming to glow under the low light of the hall as he walked quietly down the hall.

Keithek sighed again, shaking his head, annoyed. Did the prince really think he was being sly? He knew that this was something his sister had decreed would be strictly forbidden until the threat was neutralized. Clearly, the prince still didn’t care.

He walked up behind him silently and as soon as he was within a foot of him he cleared his throat and tried not to take pleasure in the way the prince squawked with surprise and shot his gaze over to him. As soon as his blue eyes landed on Keithek’s, they instantly narrowed with anger. He let out an annoyed humph and groaned, thrusting his hands into his already tousled hair as he turned back around, clearly annoyed.

He was devoid of any jewelry or other adornments. He wasn't even wearing his crown. Seeing him without his usual get up was... strange. More strange than he thought it would be. The blue marks beneath his eyes were almost more apparent without the usual amount of decoration, and his natural features, in Keithek's opinion, were enhanced.

“I don’t think I need to explain to you that you should be in your room right now your highnesses. You aren’t safe to walk the halls alone at night.”

“How the hell are you even- you’re- it’s literally the ass crack of dawn and you’re in full quiznacking uniform?! Do you sleep? What the hell?”

The questions felt directed more to himself than they were to Keithek or anyone else. He muttered them unhappily, glaring at Keithek with almost as much distaste as the queen herself. Keithek pretended he didn’t notice the similarities in their unhappy facial expressions from the shape of their pointed faces to the curved narrow slits of their eyes. He ignored the feeling of slight discomfort he felt when seeing the queens face resembled so clearly in the princes annoyed and exasperated face.

“I’m alerted whenever you leave your room. It’s my job to be ready to stop you from making stupid decisions.”

It seemed that both the prince and himself were a bit surprised at the forward ness of that comment and the slight lack of professionalism that Keithek had let slip.

The prince brushed it off though and turned around, ignoring him as he pushed forwards where he had been going down the hall. The glare that Keithek received from him when he had stepped in front of him and stopped him from moving forward was vicious.

“Move.” He said shortly. Staring Keithek down, using their slight difference in hight to his advantage.

“You know I can not do that your highness. Keithek replied tiredly.

Lance groaned sliding his hands down his face in demonstration of his irritability. “What's your fucking problem, man?! Can't you just let me go for a walk around my castle at night if I want?”

“No.” Keithek said. “It's still dangerous.”

The prince looked visibly exhausted, running his hands through his hair and sighing. “Fine. You know what? Fine! Asshole! God! My life is the most pathetic…” He kept mumbling as he turned on his heel and began walking down the hallway again to go back to his room, getting far enough away after a while that Keithek couldn’t hear what he was saying anymore, and suddenly Keithek felt guilty.

He could sympathize, in some ways, with the prince, even if what he was doing was irresponsible and they both knew it. He wanted to be left to his own devices. He wanted to live his life. Having someone like Keithek on his back had to be frustrating. So for whatever reason, he took pity on him and blurred out something he really hadn’t expected he would actually say.

“I can accompany you however.” Keithek said to Lance’s back quickly. If you would like.

Lance halted in his steps, pausing a bit before turning back, giving him a skeptical look.

“Technically I am instructed to keep you in your room, but…” Keithek hesitated. He wanted to earn Lance’s trust. To show him that he was on his side, and that he trusted him too. He chose then to drop formalities, letting his spine relax a bit, offering Lance a look of solace.

“Look, I get it.” He said. “Sometimes You need a distraction, and trying to sleep just doesn't work. My job is to keep you safe, and I'll do that. But Nobody has to know about my breaking minor rules if it helps you relax…”

Lance just stared at him seeming as though he didn't believe his words. His eyebrows furrowed, but he turned around.

“Ok....” he said, drawing out the word. “Then I'm going to the kitchens.” He began walking forwards again and Keithek quietly trailed behind him.

Lance stretched, rolling his shoulders and yawning as they reached the entrance. He walked languidly to the counter and began collecting an assortment of food on his plate. Keithek stood at attention by the door, watching him. He filled a glass with some liquid Keithek couldn't name, and took a seat at the table, draping himself over the edge, one arm propping him up.

He was about to lift the glass to his lips when he looked up at Keithek, like he was only just realizing that he hadn't sat down with him.

Lance drew his eyebrows together and gave him a slightly irritated look of confusion.

“What, you're not allowed to sit either?” He asked sarcastically, gesturing to the seat across from him like it was ridiculous that he wasn't already there, his face twisted in annoyance.

“No, I'm allowed but for your safe-“ Keithek began but Lance cut him off, rolling his eyes.

“Oh my god, Just fucking sit down.” He said.

Keithek bristled in surprise but obeyed the prince, walking tentatively to the seat across from him, Lance’s eyes following him as he chewed, seeming to inspect him, looking him up and down.

When Keithek sat, Lance looked back at his plate, chewing and looking to be deep in thought. A long quiet ensued as Lance ate before he spoke up.

“How old are you.” Lance asked unprecedentedly, still watching the food he was pushing around.

Keithek was taken back by his question but answered after a moment of hesitation. “Twenty four,” he responded.

The prince quirked an eyebrow. “Geez, your pretty young to have such a giant stick up your ass.”

For perhaps the umpteenth time that night, Keithek didn't know how to respond to one of the princes unexpected comments.

“Do you ever, like, not take things so seriously?” He asked. Meeting his eyes.

Keithek's heart skipped, without permission when their eyes met, shocked at just how strikingly blue they were under the dim glow of the kitchens lights.

The prince was presenting himself to Keithek in ways that he had never seen him. Away from nobles, citizens of Altea, and even his sister, Lance was incredibly more casual. Almost like how he had been with the big Altean with yellow markings. Just less… friendly. He had a snarky sarcastic sense about him that Keithek hadn't assumed of him when they first met. Rather he seemed to be the professional, stubborn, hard ass that he was accusing Keithek of being now. Why he was choosing to show this side of himself to Keithek of all people, he didn't know.

When he didn't respond, Lance continued. Taking another sip from his glass. “Look. He said. I don't like being smothered, and I don't like unnecessary tension. But if my sister is going to sick you on to me for the rest of time I'd rather get over all these stupid formalities, and tell you that you are the last thing I want in my life right now.”

He paused, allowing himself to chew and swallow his food.

“But, he continued,” I'm pretty sure I won't be able to get out of this, so if you start treating me like a person rather than a fragile little flower, and loosen up a bit, we'll get along fine. Let me live my life and if there's ever someone going to stab me in the back, then you can stop them. But I'm not going to tolerate coddling and whatever other shit rules Allura gave you on how to treat me, got that?”

With his words, Keithek finally felt that he was starting to understand the prince. At least in some ways. What he was asking for was respectable, and Keithek was willing to give him that, as long as he knew that he was going to be with him at all times, like Allura had instructed him to be.

The prince was becoming more real with every interaction they had. Here, in this room, watching him slump over the table and eat his food with the most unamused face Keithek thought he had the ability to make, without his royal attire and glittering adornments, he looked normal.

Keithek nodded. “Yeah. He replied. I get it.”

“Great.” The prince said unenthusiastically, before he lifted himself back up, downing the last of his drink and then walked to put away his dishes. Keithek pushed away the mild surprise he felt upon witnessing an Altean royal wash his own dishes, his hands soapy as he scrubbed the surface of the plate before rinsing it off with water.

When the prince grabbed the entire bottle of the drink he had been sipping on earlier, Keithek looked curiously at him and asked, “what is that stuff.”

The prince frowned, looking down at the bottle. “If it’s any good?” He said, “It will help me forget that we ever had this conversation.” And with that, he took a big swig, right from the bottle, meeting Keithek’s eyes in a deadpan stare before he turned and walked out the doors. Keithek followed him silently back to Lance’s room, watching as he wordlessly scanned his hand to open the doors and walk inside, leaving Keithek in the hallway without another word.

[gogglor]

Cap-Ironman RecWeek: Laugh Out Loud Friday

Third to last installment for @cap-ironman rec week, and today we’re focusing on fics that, in my humble opinion, are flipping hysterical. For me that tends to mean lots of snarky banter, but I found some hysterical situation comedy in my favs folder too when I was looking for recs today. In any event, if you’re in the mood for a giggle, here’s some fics that’ll deliver in spades.

Moanin’

Author: Captain_Panda

Word Count: 1,041

Summary: Wet. Steamy. Sultry. Jazz.  It's jazz.  In a bathtub.

Why You Should Read It:

Captain_Panda’s another Stony gem that puts out good stuff on the regular, and this one’s just such a delightful gem.

Tony is naked, sick, and high on cough syrup. Steve needs to get him a dinner held in his honor. Honestly, the mental imagery alone is enough to do it for me; it is a firm principle of mine that far more people should write naked, high Tony Stark. This fic’s short, but it’s a great one to go back to if you’re looking for something light and silly.

Bells Will Be Ringing

Author: scifigrl47

Word Count: 29,651

Summary: Steve Rogers is in love with Tony Stark.  He's determined that he's finally going to do something about that.   Christmas is a time for love and togetherness, and now may be the best chance he has. But some things aren't as simple as they should be.

Why You Should Read It:

I absolutely cannot let a funny Stony fic list happen without recommending something by sci, because dear lord in heaven they are a funny SOB. Pick any of their fics at random and you’ll end up with something equal parts hilarious and delightful. It’s honestly a crime that their work is available for free.

This fic is yet another sci masterpiece, complete with their regular hallmarks of the best goddamn banter I’ve ever read, well-developed characters, spectacular world-building, and a lovely emotional payoff at the end. Additionally, it is absolutely hysterical. If you wanna read about the Avengers Council of Lesbians and what happens if you give Clint Barton a box of Pixie Stix, give it a read.

A Good Vintage

Author: JenTheSweetie

Word Count: 6,727

Summary:  “You own a what?” After Ultron shows up, instead of taking the Avengers to his secret family, Clint takes them to his secret winery.  Things go… a little bit differently.

Why You Should Read It:

Honestly, it’s become a bit of a meme in the POTS server that everyone’s always recommending this fic, because A) It does not have nearly enough kudos, and B) Holy crap is it funny.

Clint owns a secret winery instead of a secret farm, and everybody goes there to lie low during Age of Ultron. There is drinking, and swimming, and 90′s hiphop, and a heck of a lot of nachos. Drunk decisions are made. Just a lovely Stony fic with a side of team bonding.

There’s Something Aboot Steve

Author: epicycles

Word Count: 2,314

Summary: "You know, it makes a lot of sense," Tony mused aloud, once all the shouting was over.  "You're so polite, you like maple syrup, you wear a lot of plaid."

Why You Should Read It:

Another one for the silly and delightful pile.

It turns out, Steve Rogers was born in Canada before immigrating to the U.S. when he was a few months old. What will the public say? Will Canada try to take him back? Are the Avengers prepared to fight their hockey-loving brethren to rescue Steve from the clutches of trained polar bears? All that and more answered in this fic.

Even My Phone Misses Your Call

Author: rainbowninja167

Word Count: 10,869

Summary:  Steve makes it all the way to Ohio before conceding that the post-Chitauri road trip might’ve been a mistake. Or, ten times Steve has to call Tony to come pick him up.

Why You Should Read It:

This one’s got more feels in in than what’s been on the list so far, but it’s all balanced perfectly against some damn funny stuff. Steve keeps getting into tight spots for one reason or another, and keeps calling Tony to come pick him up. Friendship, then something else develops from there.

One thing I really like about this one is that both Tony and Steve get to be the funny one. Snarky Steve is such a gift, as is “The serum enhanced all my senses except my common sense” Steve, and “I would be delighted to let you mistake me for a choirboy” Steve, all if which is present here. Add in some mutual pining and some high-quality smut and you’ve got a really delightful fic.

Out of Order

Author: elwenyere

Word Count: 4,368

Summary: After Tony and Steve hook up in the Tower elevator, both of them are totally cool with keeping it casual. Totally, totally cool.

Why You Should Read It:

El’s another author it wouldn’t feel right leave out of a list of funny as hell Stony writers, and one whose works you could draw from at random and strike gold.

This one tells a story through times Steve and Tony ride the elevator together, because why have one bottle episode when you can have six? Tony is a snarky bastard, Steve is a smitten grump, both of them are garbage communicators, and at one point Clint spills a bunch of Milk Duds and goes “Aww, Milk Duds no!”. I literally cannot tell you why I find that last one so funny but that scene lives rent-free in my head under a big sign that says “Examples of the Clint Barton We Should’ve Had in the MCU.” Anyway, go read this sweet, funny, delightful fic, it’ll be the highlight of your day.

Lastly, one self-rec, because a witch sent me into the woods to find a cow as white as milk, a cape as red as blood, a hair as yellow as corn, and 10,000 AO3 kudos.

Stupid Sexy Avengers

Author: gogglor

Word Count: 22,624

Summary: Tony, Steve, Nat, Clint, Bruce, Thor, Jane, and Rhodey all tell each other the funniest thing that's ever happened to them related to their sex lives. If you're interested in hearing the Avengers tell stories about their lives that are funny and mortifying and surprisingly sweet, you've found your fic.

Why You Should Read It:

It’s Clint’s birthday, and as a birthday present he asks Steve and Tony to tell him what happened that got Steve to stop being so shy about making sex jokes. The end result is everyone around the common room telling each other the funniest thing that’s ever happened to them related to their sexual histories.

This one’s a part 2 of a series, but I deliberately wrote it to stand on its own, so there’s no need to go back and read part 1. In it, you’ll find stories of disastrous language misunderstandings, ideas so bad only horny teenagers could think of them, the bonds of friendship forged and tested (in one case literally), and a giant blue glittery dildo named “Mr. Dick.” Personally I think it’s one of the funnier things I’ve ever written, but what do I know, I’m just a Tumblr post you didn’t even pay to read.

We’ve got two more days of Cap-Ironman RecWeek, and I am delighted to tell you all that some of the best is yet to come. Ta-ta for now!

[imagination-is-key-in-my-world]

Chime

Authors Note: I am 100% a big fan of A Cinderella Story which is what had inspired me to write this piece. I know it has been a long time since I had written anything but a lot has been going on in my life. This story is inspired by my own mental health issues as well as my ultimate dream that Tom Holland would sweep me off my feet. [Do not tell my Fiancé that I told you guys that!] Also, I got a brand-new laptop that has made writing so much more efficient than my iPad. Hopefully, I will be more active on my page. Please feel free to contact me to share your thoughts.

Summary: So, you are currently struggling with anxiety which is not easy as a high school student. Things are not getting easier now that your best friend is leaving to go to another school, leaving you behind to deal with your senior year alone. That is how you feel every day – alone. But your life suddenly changes when you stumble across an app that allows people to chat anonymously with people who share similar interests without sharing too much. Only you did not expect that this new app would take over your life and provide you with someone who you no longer think you could cope without. But who is on the other end of the phone?

Warning: Possible swearing and mental health triggers.

Pairing: Reader x Tom Holland 

Word Count: 6,758

Counting the dew drops on the window was getting completely tedious at this point. There you sat in complete silence for what must have been a couple of minutes. But to you, it had felt like hours, if not days. Not that you were being dramatic at all.

You are not exactly the type of person who many people would typically associate with the nature of popularity. You did not have that many followers on your social media accounts. Therefore, it should not have been that surprising that your phone was not “blowing” up with notifications at this time of day.

Your best friend Cleo always told you that if you wanted to make something of your life, you needed to leave the house for more than just school.

“But!” You would always protest, “everything I need is right here.” Cleo was one member of a small social group that you bothered with both in and outside of school. When it came to forming groups in class, all your teachers knew that you needed to be put with a friend or you would be catastrophically unresponsive with a slight hint of a mini meltdown beginning to form.

The thing is you suffer with a high level of anxiety when it comes to meeting and conversing with people outside of your friendship circle. To make matters worse, the whole school was aware of this problem and would constantly tease and mimic the blubbering mess you turned into when you had to answer a question in the middle of class. There would be pointing as well as laughing as you would literally shake and break a sweat in front of everyone. Let us just say, this may have been one of the many reasons that your group only had 5 members and that includes you and queen Cleo.

The phone chimed and it shook you from your thoughts. When you finally unlocked it, you noticed that it was only Cleo cancelling on you yet again. Earlier that evening you had asked Cleo to come over and discuss the nature of Cleo moving schools in the fall. Both of you were meant to discuss how you personally were going to cope with the everyday torment and painful endeavours that was a big part of school life. But from that disappointed look on your face, it was obvious that Cleo was only blowing you off to spend more time with her new boyfriend.

“Knock knock” Your mother stated as she blatantly barged into your room. “Hey baby, I’m going to the store do you need anything at all?” As per usual you would shake your head and try not to make any eye contact with your mother at all. “Okay, well make sure that you feed the dog for me while I am gone and try and get some sun, you’re looking a little pale, baby.”

It was typical of your mother to attempt to force you out of your comfort zone. It was getting quite embarrassing for her at the teacher/parent evenings when she was called in to discuss another “issue.” It is not like you do not want to make more of an effort in class and with people, it just does not come as easy to you as it may for everyone else. The idea of people hearing you call out an answer in class and have it been wrong is absolutely devastating and crucifying for you.

You picked up your phone and decided that Facebook was worth one last scroll through before you decide that it was worthless and throw your phone back onto the bed for the 14th time that day. You were scrolling away half-heartedly, not really reading through the posts that people had shared as it was probably the same drama that it always was. It was as you thought, but suddenly your mind decided to switch back on when it reached a pop up that you would typically ignore. “Attention all Introverts.” Obviously, this caught your attention, it was in freaking bold print. You cannot ignore anything when it is in bold print! Clicking on the link, you decided to curiously read on.

“Attention all Introverts,

Have you ever felt lonely and isolated? Well this is the app for you. Become anyone you want to be, talk to anyone you would like – with total anonymity.

[This app gives you the confidence to express yourself to total strangers without the fear of judgements. If you are terrified of being vulnerable around other people while being your true self, then this is the app for you]”

Of course, you were sceptical at first but that was when you remembered how difficult it was to be your friend, relative and even teacher. Then before you could even stop yourself, you clicked onto the app and the download began. Nothing happened at all, other than the app appearing onto your phone’s home screen amongst other apps like Tumblr and Facebook. But you just thought there was going to be a sudden flash of lightning and you would be overwhelmed with confidence like you see in the movies. However, this was not the movies, this was your life and there you sat on the edge of your bed still shaking like a leaf.

It took you about half an hour to install all of your relevant information into the app. Mostly because you were trying to convince yourself that it was a stupid idea and that you should just delete it straight away. Although there was a faint voice in the back of your head telling you to do it. Part of it sounded like Cleo, while another part of the voice sounded like a stranger to you.

Once you had finished setting up the app, you left your phone on your dresser and walked into the lounge to watch that new episode of Ru Paul’s drag race that you had missed on Netflix. You managed to get through two episodes, a giant bag of Cheetos and a litre of Dr Pepper before crashing out on the sofa.

A loud chime from the bedroom woke you from your slumber. Your mother was sat on the edge of the sofa watching one of her true crime documentaries when she noticed you becoming startled.

“You okay honey?” You wipe your eyes and nod. “Do you want anything to eat or are you all set for bed?”

“Bed.” You mumble as you pick up the rubbish that had surrounded you on your makeshift bed for the afternoon.

“Okay, love you honey.” She called back as you threw away the rubbish into the trash and made your way into your bedroom. You practically fell onto your bed before you remembered the chime that had woken you in the first place. Grasping your phone, you unlocked it hesitantly, shielding your eyes from the brightness behind it to reveal a message from an unknown number. One word, one syllable and one emotion, fear.

‘Hey’

In your head these words kept rolling through your mind. What do I do now? Do I message back or do I leave it alone? Will they think I am ignoring them if I do not reply? Well of course they would, the app has probably notified them that it has been read. You started pacing in your bedroom chanting the words over and over in your head ‘What do I do? What do I do?’

It was almost like a reflex after a while as your fingers typed away.

‘HEY’ Too eager

‘Hiya’ Too girly

‘Hi’ Too blunt

Sup’ Too weird

Each message you typed your anxiety took over and criticised it, controlling your fingers to delete and retype.

‘Hey’ Was the message that you had settled for. It had been almost an hour and a half since you had received the message from Lonerboy101 and you had not even pressed send yet. The message was still sitting in your text box with the curser bouncing away at the end of the sentence.

There was a knock at your door which startled you, causing your fingers to slide across the phone’s screen. “I’m going to bed now Hun, goodnight.”

“Night.” You tried hard to sound cheery but as per usual failed to do so as your mother closed your bedroom door. ‘No, no, no’ you repeated in a small murmur. Fear washed over you as you regretted every minute that it took to write that message and the one milli second that it took to get sent out through the universe to reach this Lonerboy101.

You dropped the phone into your duvet and grabbed the pillow next to you. Bringing the plush cushion up to your face, burying it to let out a light scream.

*Chime*

Lonerboy101 - ‘How long did it take you to write that message. Mine took about 2 hours.’

You reread the message a couple of times because you couldn’t believe that although this person knew you were somewhat ignoring him off when you had initially received his message, he still replied to yours. Not only that but he had made a joke about how long it had taken to send a reply.

It took you a couple of minutes to decide whether you were going to go through with it and message this person back. Or whether you should just back out now and forget that this ever happened.

But that was your phone in your hand and those were your fingers typing a reply.

Hidingintheshadows - ‘About an hour and a half.’

You sent the reply off and almost felt a sudden pang of relief. That this was not as bad as you had originally perceived it to be. That it was almost the same as talking to Cleo or any of the other girls.

*Chime*

Lonerboy101 - ‘So, this is weird right?’

Before you knew it, the delays between the messages decreased quite significantly. There was the standard 3 minutes to think of a response and then another 5 to send the message but the conversation had felt a little less risky compared to how it did at the very start.

Hidingintheshadows - ‘It is a bit weird, I guess.’

Lonerboy101 - ‘So, are you an old creepy guy like me?

Hidingintheshadows - ‘That is a joke, right?’

Lonerboy101 - ‘Yeah it is a joke, sorry very dry sense of humour. Don’t have that many people to try my jokes out on.’

Hidingintheshadows - ‘That’s a relief.’

Lonerboy101 - ‘It’s a relief that I do not have many friends?’

Hidingintheshadows - ‘No! I did not mean that! I am so sorry.’

Lonerboy101 - ‘Another joke. Sorry when I am nervous, I tell bad jokes. I forget that I am not really good at them and text form is really hard to tell tone.’

Hidingintheshadows - ‘Sorry for not being able to tell when you’re joking.’

Lonerboy101 - ‘Don’t worry, you wouldn’t be the first. Although you probably are, I only just downloaded this app today.’

Hidingintheshadows - ‘Same.’

Lonerboy101 - ‘You don’t say [type] much do you?’

Hidingintheshadows - ‘Not really, sorry.’

Lonerboy101 - ‘You know you don’t have to keep apologising to me all the time, right?’

Hidingintheshadows - ‘Oh sorry.’

Lonerboy101 - ‘[insert face palm emoji]’

The last message made you smile. Cleo had always been telling you that you apologise way too much and that it can get annoying. It would get to the point where you would apologise for things you did not do just because it sounded like the right thing to say.

Hidingintheshadows - ‘I will work on it.’

Lonerboy101 - ‘So what brings you to Introverted Conversions?’

Hidingintheshadows - ‘Fear of the world and everyone in it, basically.’

Lonerboy101 - ‘Oh my gosh same!’

Hidingintheshadows - ‘Really?’

Lonerboy101 - ‘No, but I am touched that you still cannot sense my sarcasm.’

Hidingintheshadows - ‘I’ll work on that too.’

Lonerboy101 - ‘Promise?’

Hidingintheshadows - ‘Promise!’

It had almost become a routine for you and Lonerboy101 to talk during the late afternoon and evening. Occasionally, you would get notified in the middle of the day, but he knew that you were not ignoring him and that you had school obligations. No one really knows about him at all, you have done well at keeping this away from Cleo as you knew she would only judge you for it.

‘You’re talking to a stranger online who had admitted he was an old creepy man.’ Even the thought made you laugh. Since the first night, you had discovered a lot about Lonerboy101. Nothing like names and addresses. But more personal stuff like how it feels having crippling anxiety and not having someone who really understands.

***

It was the last day before Cleo left for her new school and you woke up feeling quite comfortable for the first time in a long time. It was almost as if your body has finally gotten used to the idea that the day was going to come that you would need to stand up on your own. It was not a good feeling per say, but it was slightly empowering to know that you could become your own person, instead of being Cleo’s weird friend.

*Chime*

Your heart began to beat rapidly in your chest as you practically dove for the phone on your bed. Only to have it violently shoot back down when the name on your lock screen did not read Lonerboy101.

Cleo – ‘Hey, I am downstairs! Snag me a piece of toast considering you are not exactly going to eat it!’

Every morning your mum would make pancakes, French toast, and scrambled eggs that you could choose from to snack on during your walk to school. Only you are not exactly a French toast and scrambled eggs kind of person and she knows that. It is just her way of trying to make a connection with you early in the day.

You – ‘Be right down, pancakes or French toast?’

You replied as you waved to your mum who was sliding through her emails while nursing a hot mug of coffee. “Hey, Baby! Have a great day at school, okay?” The last part of this routine she does every morning always feels like she is questioning you, making sure that you are aware that a ‘great day at school’ depends 100% on you alone.

*Chime*

Lonerboy101 – ‘Pancakes please. Although, I don’t think they will be any good by the time I receive them!’

‘Oh no!’ You thought. You did not think really think to check the contact that you were on when you sent the message out. You had simply read the lock screen and the most recent person you were chatting to was the person that appeared on the screen.

Quickly you grabbed a pancake and your bags and sulked out the door.

Hidingintheshadows – ‘I am so sorry, that was meant for my friend.’

Lonerboy101 – ‘Are we not friends? I am offended’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘Wait no I mean yes you are, but I do not really know you. God I am sorry…’

Lonerboy101 – ‘Wow! What did I say about the apologising? And what about the whole sarcasm thing? You should now know when I am pulling your chain.’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘Sorry’

Lonerboy101 – ‘No. More. Sorry.’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘Damn, I didn’t mean to I swear.’

Lonerboy101 – ‘Calm, it is okay. Chain. Pulling. But going back to this pancake…’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘What about it?’

Lonerboy101 – ‘You have made me hungry. And now I need to go out and find me a pancake to soothe this carb craving I have going on.’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘Good luck with that.’

Lonerboy101 – ‘Good Luck with school today! Speak to you later! X’

What the heck is that? Fear washed over your face as you met Cleo at the bottom of the stairs to your apartment building.

“Y/N? Are you okay? You look a little pale?” It took everything you had to not blurt out every little secret that you had been keeping about Lonerboy101 to Cleo. To almost get some advice on how to handle this newfound “boy drama” in your life. You open your mouth to begin to spill the beans. “Oh, I know!” Cleo interrupted, “it is because today is my last day and you have no idea how you will survive without me!”

Not quite on the nose but nice to see that your friend really does care about you, while she makes every drama about herself. This was just another typical response from Cleo. One you have put up with for an exceptionally long time. Instead of arguing with your best friend on the beginning of her last day, you decide to just bite your lip and nod.

“It will be okay, sunshine!” A little nickname she gave you when you were both little and in Kindergarten. “We will still have Facetime and we can still meet up during the holidays.” Suddenly you were pulled into a tight embrace as an overexaggerated sigh left her lips. “Now come on mopey.” Yet another nickname that you were given because of your constant state of enthusiasm caused by your mental condition. “Let’s get to school before people forget that they will never see this face walk those halls again.”

Meanwhile in your head the little “X” at the end of Lonerboy101’s latest reply repeatedly flashed across your mind as Cleo droned on about how annoying packing up her extensive collection of shoes and makeup has been for her.

***

It did not matter what lesson you were in, if you were having “a moment” as your mother likes to call it, everything just seems to become pointless. Science was one of your favourite subjects mainly because of the unpredictable experiments that you can perform. But today it just seemed as though someone had placed a weighted scarf on top of your shoulders and told you to “deal with it.”

“Can anyone tell me their findings from their group’s chemical reaction?” All eyes went to you as everyone in the class knew that you were Mr King’s favourite pupil. Mr King was the only teacher that managed to get a response out of you in class. But today, he might as well have been talking to a brick wall.

“Y/N?” This would later be explained to you after class that it was the fifth attempt Mr King had made to pry your attention away from your notebook where you had been filling in the margins with your pen.

When you looked up, there were people gossiping and snickering about what they had just witnessed. “Can I see you after class?” Mr King had asked once he regained the focus of the class.

This was not the first time that a teacher had asked to speak with you after class. Especially Mr King. Not that he made a habit to discipline you outside of lesson, but because he was always concerned about how you were feeling after you had one of you “moments.”

“What is going on, Y/N? Do I need to call your mother?” He did not say it in a stern way that other teachers would have. But for him, it was more of a genuine question for your own personal well-being. “Some of the other teacher’s approached me today in the teacher’s lounge to discuss you. They said that you have been unresponsive all day. I heard that Cleo is leaving today, does that have anything to do with how you’re coping with today?”

You shook your head. “Cleo has nothing to do with it!” You snapped, and you never snap which startled Mr King. “I’m sorry.” You whispered when you saw how set back, he was from your reply. “I just do not know what to do anymore.”

“With what?” He perched on the edge of his desk. Holding his hand up to stop the next class from entering the classroom. “What is getting to you? I can see if I can help?” While most teachers would just shrug you off, Mr King tried to get down to the root problem to help you resolve any issue that you may be having during the day. This was because Mr King had made you aware that his daughter too suffers from major anxiety issues as well.

“It’s stupid, I should not have said anything. I will be okay, Mr King.” You gathered your books from the table and stuffed them into the oversized backpack that was now slung over your shoulder. “Can you quickly write me a note for Mrs Bateman? I do not want the teachers to have more of a reason to talk about me.”

Mr King picked up a pad and pen and began to write a note excusing you for your lateness. “It will get better, Y/N. I am here whenever you need a chat, okay?” He handed you the note and you basically bolted out of the room.

Although you felt bad for being short with Mr King, you could not quite help it. It was not as if you could simply come out and tell him that you were not upset because your best friend for 16 years was now leaving you behind. But it was all down to an “X” placed on the end of a text message from a boy you have not met but have been talking to for 3 weeks non-stop!

***

You slowly approached the lunch table that you and your friends sat at during every lunch since you had started at the school. They were all laughing and joking which did slightly lift your spirits. Cleo had turned to look over her shoulder and noticed your arrival. The smile on her face had sank and the laughing at the table had died along with it.

“Hey Y/N!” Cleo tried to sound pleased to see you but you knew something was up. Since when was Cleo being false with you? She normally reserved that type of “hey” for the girls that talk about how amazing they are.

Sinking down into the spare chair that has been yours for years at the table you tried to force a smile. “So, we were all thinking…” Instantly you hated where this was going. “That it would be really fun to all go to the dance tonight as a final farewell to Cleo!” The girls shrieked as Hannah finished her sentence. A dance was the last place you wanted to be. Today of all days.

The girls all looked at you for your response. “A dance?” The girls all squealed again in unison, practically bouncing in their seats.

“Don’t you think it would be fun.” Hannah stated rather than asked.

“Dances aren’t really my thing.” You said hesitantly. The last thing you wanted to do was to annoy any of the friends that you had left. Especially considering how they were going to be the ones you would now have to rely on once Cleo had left.

“Nothing is really your thing!” Elizabeth snickered. Cleo’s death stare shot over to Liz and her head instantly fell. So that’s why Cleo was so weird when you came over. It was because she knew that you were not exactly going to be over the moon with the new plan for Cleo’s last day celebration. Before lunch, the plan was to go bowling and then get pizza. A less daunting but still hard to stomach plan. This new plan involved dressing up and trying to socialise with people who were not exactly the nicest to you.

“Y/N, it is completely up to you. We can go to the dance and party it up like it is the last day we are going to be alive. Or we can just go and get pizza and knock over a couple of pins with an over weighted bowling ball.” When Cleo said it like that, neither sounded appealing. But it was obvious the way that she laid it out that the dance was the one event she was going to be happy attending tonight.

“Can I think about it?” The girls all sighed and Callum shook you by the shoulders. Literally shook you as if physically moving your body was somehow going to make you change your mind. “Ow!”

“Callum! Do not do that!” Cleo yelled at her boyfriend. At least she was still defending you even if she was trying to push you to do something that made you uncomfortable. It was almost as if she defended you to make you reconsider. “Just one little dance? We can go whenever you want and stay however long you want.” Her puppy dog eyes were out and her hands were clasped in front of her.

Along with your crippling fear of being around other people, your anxiety also made you hate disappointing those that you care about. “Fine.” Was all you managed to say before all the girls and Callum began to cheer. At least he did not try to shake you again otherwise you thought you may physically puke from excessive unwanted physical contact.  

While all the others were discussing what they were going to wear, you reached for your phone and began to contact the only person on the planet who didn’t make you feel like you were wrong for feeling this type of way.

Hidingintheshadows – ‘Have you ever been forced to do something you don’t really want do because your friends want you to?’

You debated for a couple of seconds before adding your own “X” onto the end of your text.

Your phone vibrated in your hand. Thank God you had turned the volume off when you got to school. Cleo would not have left you alone for one second if she knew you were texting a guy.

Lonerboy101 – ‘Who is making you do something? What something? Is it illegal? X’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘1. Nothing illegal. 2. Friends and 3. Go to a stupid high school dance where I will be uncomfortable for the entire evening. X’

Lonerboy101 – ‘That wasn’t the order that I put my questions in. X’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘I thought I would start with the one that could get me in a jail cell! X’

Lonerboy101 – ‘I’ve got this feeling that you’d rock an orange jumpsuit so you would be fine. Although the lack of our communication would be quite unsettling. X’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘I think I will cope. X’

Lonerboy101 – ‘I was talking about me! I look forward to my Chime every day. X’

You could not help but blush when you read that last part of his message. You could not bring yourself to message him back stating that it was also your highlight of the day too. Lonerboy101 has become a big part of your life and that was quite hard to admit considering you did not know his name or what he even looked like. You barely even knew the boy and yet it felt as though you knew everything there was to know about him.

Lonerboy101 – ‘Sorry was that weird? Let us get back to the problem at hand… A party was not it? X’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘No and my friend is leaving and I do not want to be mean and not turn up to her “leaving do” but I do not think I will be able to cope with that many people. Especially because they all think that I am a freak. X’

Lonerboy101 – ‘When is the party? You are not a freak by the way. Might I just add that is the longest text you have ever sent. X’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘Tonight, at school. I do not want to go and be the joke of the party. X’

Lonerboy101 – ‘This is a tough one. I can be there if you want. For moral support. X’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘You can’t obviously turn up to a school that you don’t go to just to attend a stupid dance. X’

Lonerboy101 – ‘I’ll be a virtual guest. You can text me whenever you think that it is getting too much and I will use my powers of persuasion to lift those spirits and put a smile on your beautiful face. X’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘How can you say I am beautiful. You have never even seen me? X’

Lonerboy101 – ‘I see the beauty in everything. But you, you are something much more. X’

***

“You cannot wear that!” Cleo snapped when she saw the outdated and over worn outfit that you were wearing on your body. “No this will not do.” Lucky enough for her, your mother and Cleo are quite close. Closer than you are to your own mother. “Leanne! Come and tell your daughter that this is terrible and that she cannot wear this to a school dance.”

Within seconds your mother was in your room judging the clothes that she paid for that you were wearing. “No baby girl, this is your first dance. There is no way in hell I am going to let you leave this apartment building wearing that.”

Your mother’s hand was now grasped around your wrist and you were being dragged into your mother’s bedroom. “Now try this on.” In her hand she was holding a long black dress with a sequin detail at the top of the bust. She could tell that you were resistant so she pulled you in front of the wall length mirror and placed the garment up to your neck.

You could not deny that it was a very pretty dress. One that you would love to wear in a different circumstance. The whole idea of you attending a dance had still not sunk in yet. “Mum I couldn’t pull this off!” You exclaimed. Jeans and a tea shirt were more your speed.

“No Sunshine, you are most definitely wearing this now that I have seen it.” Cleo was practically foaming at the mouth the minute she saw this dress. You were sure that if your mother had not offered it to you first that she would have snagged the dress up for herself. “Right now, hair and makeup.” She slapped her hands together and both your mother and best friend stared at you with excitement in their eyes. Which only put the fear of God into yours.

***

The dance was as horrible as you thought it was going to be. There was loads of people staring at you. One of the girls from your English class even asked a friend of hers if you were a new student at the school. Shows how invisible you were before your boobs were pushed up to your neck and eyeliner was thickly applied to your eyes.

Although this was a new experience for you, to have all eyes on you for a different reason that being the weird girl from school. It was not an experience that you enjoyed at all. High school was nothing but a gossip forum where girls pick on other girls for being themselves or for being slightly different than them. For caring less about how much their bag cost and caring more about why their grade in English was lower than French.

Your friends were all on the dance floor which sadly left you on your lonesome at the back of the decked-out gym.

*Chime*

Lonerboy101 – ‘Please tell me you are having fun now? X’

You smiled. Seeing his name pop up on your screen was possibly the only thing that made you smile tonight.

Hidingintheshadows – ‘Nope. Everyone is staring at me. X’

Lonerboy101 – ‘They are only staring because they are jealous. X’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘What could they possibly be jealous of? X’

Lonerboy101 – ‘Well I bet you look absolutely beautiful tonight. X’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘You couldn’t possibly know that? X’

There had been a couple of minutes since Lonerboy101 had messaged back and that smile you had previously been wearing was starting to fade. You glanced down to look at the time on your phone, 22:14. You let out a relieved sigh, at least you stuck around for over 2 hours.

Grabbing your bag, you began to sculk about the dance floor to try and find Cleo and the other girls to deliver the “bad news.” Cleo was locked onto Callum as they shared a slow dance to one of the most upbeat songs you have ever heard. This immediately made finding Cleo a hell of a lot easier.

“I am going to head off now.” You detached Cleo from her boyfriend which left him both grumpy and a little annoyed at you. Cleo gave you a less than enthusiastic hug before quickly turning back to Callum. “Bye then.” You said when she did not say anything back to you.

It was cold outside which instantly made you regret the dress and the heels made the idea of walking all the way home even more thrilling than you could imagine. Glancing down to check the time once again, you noticed a message featuring on your lock screen. You must have not heard it with all the music when you were saying goodbye to Cleo and the girls.

Lonerboy101 – ‘Wanna bet? X’

Everyone outside the gym began to suddenly gasp. All of them were looking in a similar direction. For once all the eyes were off you and that made you feel a hell of a lot better than you had all night.

Hidingintheshadows – ‘I will take that bet. You cannot comment on something you cannot see. X’

“Then maybe you should step out of the shadows and see what I can see right now.” This voice was strangely familiar but not familiar in a way that you had heard Mr King’s voice almost every day. It was familiar because you had heard it from somewhere, but you were unsure of where. “Because what I see is 100% beautiful just like I had predicted.”

The crowd of people started to open as the voice got nearer and nearer. There were girls practically peeing their pants with excitement. Cleo had appeared with the girls and practically everyone from whom were inside the gym. Suddenly, this voice had become the talk of the whole dance and now all the attention was right back on you again.

There was now a stunning familiar face to match the familiar voice standing right in front of you. One that you would never have believed to have been stood there. It was his smile that you caught first when he looked at you in that long black dress. His eyes lingered on you for a while before you both realised that it had been quite some time that slipped away since either one of you had spoken. 

“Lonerboy101?” You asked quietly. Not really wanting anyone to hear how speechless you really were.

“Guilty.” There in front of you stood the one and only Tom Holland. The freaking man who brought you Spiderman, Ian Lightfoot, and Lucas in the movie The Impossible. He was Lonerboy101, how was that even possible?

It suddenly dawned on you that everyone and that honestly was everyone was now staring at the pair of you who were staring at one another. “Maybe we should go over there?” Tom had suggested to get away from prying eyes.

Once you were both certain that there were not any lingering eyes, your protection walls started to drop ever so slightly. “You’re the person I have been talking to for 3 weeks? You’re Lonerboy101?”

“Yes. I am Lonerboy101, but if I am being quite honest, Tom will do fine.” He joked which did make you feel only a small degree better. For all this time you had been talking to Tom Holland and you had no inclination that it was happening. “I wanted to tell you who I was, but it was so amazing to have someone to talk to who didn’t see me as this guy who acts for a living and attends red carpet events, you know?”

You did not know of course. “I am not mad. But why would you tell me you have anxiety issues when you do not?” You sighed and started to look at the shine from the diamonds reflecting from your heels. “Was it a way to make fun of me?”

Quickly Tom grasped your hands without thinking. “No!” He spoke urgently but delicately as if he did not want to put his foot in his mouth and make the situation worse. Truth be told Tom was expecting this whole revelation to go a little differently. The sombre look on your face was not the result that he had wanted from showing up at your school. “I never did it to make fun of you or anyone who suffers with anxiety. Truth be told I do suffer with it. Not as bad as most people, but I have days where I wonder if my friends are my true friends because they like me or because they like what I can give them.”

“I want you to know that every message that I ever sent you, I was being the real me. None of it was an act or fake for me.” Tom’s head was not facing down, almost defeated. “From talking to you I knew that you were the most honest and kindest person that I could possibly ever get to know.”

“Can I ask you something?” Your voice was soft and shaky as if you were afraid of the response that you were going to receive.

“Anything.” He was almost pleading. His voice as shaky as your own.

“How did you know who I was and what I looked like?” Tom looked you dead in the eyes. You could see the sincerity in his eyes and how much he wanted this to go right. “You knew to come right up to me, out of all the girls in the world. You knew to come to my school and then up to me, how?”

Tom let out a little smile. “Well, you know that section on the app right at the beginning?” You nod keeping eye contact as he continued to speak. “Well when it asks you for a name, you can keep it blank and then put in a username instead. You actually put in all of your details and made them public.”

“Oh!” You stated feeling stupid for doing so. This entire time he knew exactly who you were while you had no clue that you were talking to a celebrity.

“No, it was a good thing.”

“How?” You question. Doubting that knowing who you were was ever a “good thing.”

“Because, I felt really lucky to be talking to you. I saw how beautiful you were and how smart you are as well as how kind you can be.” You were quiet. You were not used to guys calling you beautiful, and here he was saying it for what must have been the 3rd time since you met him. “If it makes you feel any better, I only looked you up yesterday. I was worried when you did not answer my message and temptation got the best of me and I peaked. Are you mad?”

“No. I am not mad.”

“Would it help if I said sorry?”

“What did you say about saying sorry?” You smiled which made the flash of panic rush from his face. The corners of his mouth started to turn up and his eyes sparkled.

“Yeah but on me it looks cute.” Both of you allow yourselves to laugh at the situation. Remembering some of your earlier messages. “Would it be too much to ask for a hug?” He looked down at your hands which were no longer scrunched into fists which proved that you were no longer as uncomfortable as you may have been from the first encounter.

You allow yourself to smile as he pulls you into his arms. “It is exactly how I imagined it.” Tom said into your hair as he held you close to him.

“What is?” You questioned

“That I would be only just taller than you when you’re wearing heels.” Both of you let out a controlled laugh at his terrible attempt at a joke. “You don’t actually want to go back in there do you?” Tom gestured towards the gym that probably did not hold any students inside due to his arrival.

“I am not going back inside there! But thanks for wearing a suit for me.” You pull away slightly to admire the suit that Tom was pulling off handsomely.

“Anything for my girl.”

[2p-stuff-because-i-miss-them]

2p! Canada boyfriend head canons

Oh mAh gawd it's finally maple boi time

Also guys I'm so sorry if you read my headcanons and they stop short randomly, I actually put a lot of things into them but in segments but then Tumblr doesn't save them UwU. I have to start writing them in Doc ig.

2p Canada Boyfriend headcanons

He's honestly such an antisocial big bear so the way y'all's met was probably very weird.

It took like 1500000000 encounters for you to even interact with this giant

You were probably being energetic, chipper, meme trash for like a week

He thought you were being kinda low-keycute weird as fuck, in a funny way tho, but kinda didn't want to talk to you yet plus you were always talking to someone or seemed busy

After 3 weeks of encounters you two were in a bus stop or alone at night

And for some odd reason you thought is was a brilliant idea to start conversation with a 6'4 stranger in a random ass bus stop in the dead of night

Big brain move tbh, but damn it was the most awkward interaction in the beginning for a little bit

I’ll let you imagine how it went, but whatever you did went well because you exchanged contact information and then started talking a lot after awhile, how cute.

 After several months of hanging out Matt developed feelings because usually people think he’s cool and mysterious and expect something much more different when becoming friends, so when they’re unsatisfied with him actually just being an awkward, tall bean who needs much affection they just ghost him and leave.

After a while of recognizing how genuine you are, you get closer faster (hanging out all day, wrestling for something dumb and insignificant, buying each other's favorite snacks, spending the night at each others house etc etc).

 Who knew it’d actually be kinda easy to cuddle with Matt after like 5 months of lovable friendship eh?

The way you guys started dating was actually kind of an accident, but I want it to still be left up to imagination so I’ll just say it was an accidental and impulsive act of physical contact and then a very wholesome (yet awkward) conversation about determining your relationship afterwards- spoiler it went very well, you’re dating now.

And now time for more mushy hc’s

Fast forwarding through the relationship Matt is kind of comfortable in the relationship than most would be because he knows you well and you know him. But like a little more has changed

He’s so clingy now like damn, hugging you from behind, plopping down to his head in your lap or jokingly sit between your legs for a little.

He really likes long talks with you alone a lot of times to not only catch up but maybe catch up on something new together. During these times there’ll usually be a movie in the background or something

I mean you guys used to playfully fight before, but now its really competitive dang, you end it and then just laugh but sometimes Oliver will peak in like “omg he’s going to kill her or vice versa when do I interfere-”

He can be very protective at times though like he’ll beat someone up for you if you ask and have a good reason. When you’re talking to someone he’ll often watch both you and the other persons posture, way of speaking and stuff to make sure that this person isn’t trying to mess with you or make a fool of you.

^Person: Uh is he okay…?

You: Oh Matt yeah he’s okay, he’s just a little shy

Matt: *glaring menacingly*

Person: *nervous sweating*

His polar bear (Kumajiro) is also protective of you but in like a possessive way-

This bear doesn’t like you talking to any of your friends lol, he’s like “are they a threat? No? Okay well you’re paying more attention to them than me soooooooooooo”

Not even Matt is safe from his growling and wrapping around you, but he kind of just carries you away and runs when this happens so...

He speaks French to you mostly if you know it. Only because he likes to practice it when needed. But he’ll still speak it a lot even if you do not know it lol, but not directly to you it’ll be small mutteringsyou like it lets be honest

Because Matt dyes his hair quite often (blonde and brown, more hc’s on that later though) he’ll ask you to wash it and condition it during hair maintenance rituals. And he likes to wash and condition your hair too. If you braid and place flowers in his hair after you do it he’ll immediately want to go hiking in the wilderness because he’s a princess-- I mean uh...nature calls????

He really is kind of like a Disney princess though because he attracts so many animals for literally 0 reason when out.

^You: James  

Matt: Hm?  

You: wanna explain the flock of doves surrounding you, or maybe the bull moose?  

Matt: Not….really no  

You: oh, okay I guess that’s cool, however they’re walking to my house with us so…  

Matt: its fine they’ll come in just for a little with me-  

You: Jamie (nickname) I genuinely don’t want a giant bull moose on the 5th floor of my of my 8 story apartment-

Speaking of the name James, he really only likes you and a couple of people calling him that and Mathieu. The ladder is for more serious matters but James is like a “you’ll only call me this if were super close” name

He’s honestly a really big sweet heart and loves you so much, so he’ll do the smallest but kindest things for you like if you’re having a bad day he’ll do all your house chores, go out and buy your fav snacks, and stay at your place for like 3 days. Or if you’re talking about something a lot or mentioning something, he’ll buy you something revolving around that thing. He’ll be your emotional rock whenever you need it too.

Being in a relationship with him is also kind of wild, just a little bit, because he’ll come up with so many random ideas at once randomly and be like “yo do you wanna-” Matt its 3am please “okay yeah, but do you wanna like hop on a train with Allen or something and just be homeless somewhere new for a little tomorrow?” baby I have things to do- “This weekend?” But why do you wanna- “okay sweet I love you so much for this, it’ll be cool, good night.”.....

Speaking of Allen you guys are always with Allen, like he’s always there teasing you and taking you and Matt on weird ass adventures that Matt kinda doesn’t want to go to but also doesn’t necessarily care…?

At some point you just adopt him into your normal life and start seeing him as a brother.

You two only eat in each others bedrooms btw and honestly, what's the point of those dining tables you bought-

Basically Matt is a sentimental awkward bear, that loves you very much, he’ll take care of you and listen as long as you’re willing to do vice versa

I like to separate bf head canons from general head canons so that one can focus on more of the romantic aspect of a character and the other the character as a whole, so there’ll probably be hc’s for Mathieu

Thank you for your love and support!!