#but today wasn't all terrible!
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Mike and Charlie being back on the field is ALSO good news!!
#do not despair too much!#worry a little of course lol#but today wasn't all terrible!#(we are going to lose the game though lmao. i think they ARE playing some starters so. yeah.)#(prepare yourself for a not fun saturday!)
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Salty rant v2
This is basically me angrily screaming about Ford again (wow what a surprise) to a wall (myself, my rotten brain and my blog) so feel free to skip this
Fuck it I'll bite
Gf fans when you tell them Ford had every right to be mad at Stan for ruining his Project (he saw it as the only chance to prove himself and get accepted in his dream school, and even tho WE know it was an accident, Ford doesn't he thinks it was a purpose sabotage and it really doesn't help that Stan didn't told him which resulted in him making a fool of himself Infront of ppl he wanted to impress and then Stan tried to pass it off as something that didn't matter even tho it mattered so much to Ford, like of course he'd be mad everyone would be mad in his position)
Gf fans when you tell them it's not Ford's fault that Stan got kicked out it's all Filbricks fault (seriously guys, blame the fucking abusive father, not the 17 year old living in an abusive household)
Gf fans when you tell them standing up against an abusive person (especially if they're your parent) is hard to do for yourself let alone for someone else
Gf fans when you tell them Ford wasn't the "golden/favourite child" Filbrick dgaf about him and only wanted to use his intelligence for money and both Ford and Stan were abused just in different ways (seriously find a different dynamic to describe an abusive household than "golden child" and "scapegoat" I say as I put a gun in your head)
Gf fans when you tell them Ford wanting to go to college isn't egotistical
Gf fans when you tell them Ford wanting to make a name for himself doesn't make him egotistical (he literally grew up in an abusive household, and was bullied and treated like an outcast for most of his life, him seeking out validation is a trauma response not egotism)
Gf fans when you tell them if Ford is petty for correcting Stan's grammar then Stan is equally as petty for refusing to hold his hand over a thank you literally seconds ago (of course he had the right to want him to thank him and be mad, but it was the END OF THE WORLD, they are both responsible in that scene)
Gf fans when you tell them Ford isn't ignorant for being manipulated by Bill cuz 1) Bill is a master manipulator who's managed to manipulate and terrorise humanity since forever using lies/flattery/fear 2) despite having a high IQ he has a low EQ and therefore isn't able to tell if someone has ill intentions due to being....an outcast and therefore doesn't have the social skills to be able to tell others true intentions/manipulations which made him an easy victim for Bill (do u guys even know what manipulation means)
Gf fand when you tell them the reason why Ford didn't try to reach out to Stan was because he thought he was doing fine since he had seen an ad of his on tv (he had no way of knowing Stan was still homeless anymore, and you don't usually see homeless people's ads on tv), not because he didn't care
Gf fans when you tell them Ford didn't force Fiddleford to do shit for him, and that he was against the use of the memory gun and wanted him to get rid of it but Fiddleford literally erased his memories of it so he could continue using it. And that therefore Ford isn't to blame for everything that happened with the memory gun just cuz Fiddleford had bad coping mechanisms. (Seriously you all are acting as if he pointed the memory gun on his head and forced him to abandon his family and build him the portal. No!! Fiddleford made those decisions himself he could had left Gravity Falls at any moment and return to his family but no he didn't, he chosed to stay and start a fucking cult. That is on him. Not on Ford)
Gf fans when you tell them the way Ford acted during the time where he was literally being abused, manipulated and isolated by a demon is way more complex and naused than "ego! ego!".. because he was literally being abused and manipulated...
Gf fans when you tell them the reason why Ford called Stan to hide his journals wasn't because he only wanted to use him as a way to fix his mistakes but because he was literally really desperate and feared for the safety of the world and he didn't have anyone else he could trust and that he was hella traumatized due to being literally tortured both physically and phycological and sleep deprived and on the bring of insanity (of fucking course he wasn't gonna act logically and say mean shit he didn't actually mean, he was losing his mind! Stan had also said mean shit to him because he was angry but nobody talks about that)
Gf fans when you tell them Ford being mad at Stan for opening the portal is understandable, because 1) he literally ignored all the warnings that the portal could potentially destroy the whole world and 2) he was literally about to FINALLY killing Bill after 30 years of fighting for his life in the multiverse to try and find a way to
Gf fans when you tell them Ford's trust issues are completely understandable because he was literally betrayed, manipulated and abused by the "person" he trusted the most (Bill). And the other two people he trusted did something that hurt his trust on him (Fiddleford erasing his memories, Stan ruining his project)
Gf fans when you tell them Ford's and Bill's relationship isn't "toxic yaoi/messy divorce!" And that it was incredible abusive and that FORD was a victim ( average gf fan claims they "don't romantize/support the toxic ((call it abusive guys, that's literally what it is)) elements of this ship I just like to explore unhealthy dynamics in fiction:) *proceeds to make 10 posts of "he fucked the triangle!" jokes and gets mad at you if you actually point out the abuse and makes 100 aus where they get back together/stay together*
Gf fans when I tell them that I really don't care about what Alex has said about Ford being "egotistical" or "ignorant" because that's also the same guy who said he didn't intended for Pacifica to come off as a victim of abuse because controlling your child with a bell is total normal parent behaviour guys (/s). (I stopped listening to most of the stuff he said after that, not gonna lie, cuz most of the stuff he says about Ford's "ego" and "ignorance" are flat out victim blaming) ((I mean come on guys, he literally says he based Ford's and Bill's relationship off REAL LIFE toxic relationships he's seen and then he goes and says shit like how it's Ford's own "ego and ignorance" fault that he's ended up in that situation. Don't you guys think that's a bit weird))
#gravity falls#ford pines#stanford pines#okay I'm gonna be brave today and main tag this#I hope I won't regret it later#honestly the only thing I can't really defend him on is all that with dipper#but at the same time. he wasn't trying to separate them. he saw that dipper was like him and wanted to do what he thought was the best for#him.#okay he was projecting a bit with that “isn't it suffocating?” comment but at the same time#my dude's social skills had always been shitty and he literally hasn't interacted with a person in like 30 years#he wasn't fucking trying to manipulate him#something something#the way this fandom treats Stan's trauma vs Ford's trauma is so different and it makes me ick#people tend to sympathise with Stan while tone down the trauma and abuse Ford suffer because they don't see him as a victim#which is like bizarre to me I want to say that it's cuz he's not a perfect victim but neither is stan yet ppl still acknowledge his trauma#and I swear to god it wasn't as bad as this BEFORE tbob#my main theory atm is that it's the result of B1llford shippers wanting to desperately ignore the fact their ship is. in fact. abusive.#by trying to make out Ford to be this terrible selfish egomaniac monster as a way to say “look he's terrible too! they deserve eachother!”#and people acting being stupid enough to believe it (media literacy is dead nowadays)#and then stanley and fiddleford stans also started to desperately wanting to earse them of their own flaws and fucks uo to make them more#sympathetic by blaming everything on ford
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questioning sexuality is so exhausting
#(edit: sorry for the rant in the tags and i just. i want someone to talk to me)#i keep on doing it for no apparent reason#someone was talking about lust yesterday and i realised today that.#even tho id thought i don't experience it. i possibly do. but exclusively towards women.#i hate it here!#for a multitude of reasons i will never have a relationship with a woman but! i may be incapable of having a relationship with a man!#at some point in the last few months i have abruptly pivoted from definitely wanting marriage and kids to being ambivalent on marriage#and not wanting kids. that's such an outlier in my life that it might just be a mental health thing tho idk#but at the same time i. want to be loved.#i don't know what i want anymore and im tired of questioning myself#i definitely overthink it but idk how to stop it#and i hate hate hate how the moral obsessions have bee lately#this isn't entirely related but it kind of is#like Am i a terrible morally bankrupt person for having certain thoughts or is it just religious ocd go brrrr?? am i overthinking it?#i don't know. i don't know!#for a while labelling myself as arospec ace kinda calmed that down but. i don't know#i do't want to be attracted to women. i don't want to have to look away so often. i don't want any of that.#but i don't know how to stop it.#i don't even know if i'm attracted to men at all.#this is a cry for help and encouragement and prayers no matter what your views on these matters are#queer stuff tag#i nearly fessed up to my friend yesterday about same sex attraction and i might've except that it would have probably outed me as#the person who anonymously sent in a question several months ago about the side b movement to a church thing#ive only told one person at church about any of that sort of stuff and it was very vaguely worded#also see: this friend is the mother of the boy i?? i don't even know how i feel about him#i increasingly think it wasn't romantic at all. but i don't know#i would love any encouragement you got. anything at all.#i don't know how much this stuff is affected by the fact that i consider myself unloveable and think it highly unlikely any boy will ever#care for me#now im rambling. sorry
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How do you feel about the increase in really weird NSFW ads on here (advertising panels that look like sexual encounters, and AI art apps that pride themselves on porn) but will take down NSFW posts from their users, even if it isn't technically sexual.
i hate all social media and it's consistent prioritising the advertisers over the users and the internet simply was a better place before capitalism sunk its hooks into it
#i could write essays about how capitalism ruined the internet.#i was actually talking to someone earlier today about how youtube was kind of effectively ruined by monetisation.#and they were raised in the soviet union and we had a bit of a talk about how art was better because it wasn't for profit.#the people who made art made it because they wanted to do it and because they loved it.#she said that communism was terrible for every aspect of life for her. people's lives under communism wasn't pretty.#but the art was better. and i feel like it's true for the internet – it was better when it was a free-for-all.#the companies didn't know how to exploit it yet and turn it into a neverending profit-driven hellscape.#people created content because they wanted to. because they wanted to make something silly to make people laugh.#not for profit. not for gain. not for numbers. not to further their career.#i miss the days of newgrounds and youtube before monetisation.#capitalism has soiled everything that's joyful and good in this world.#people should be able to share whatever they want.#people should be able to tell any story they want without the fear of being silenced by advertisers.#that's what made the internet so beautiful before. anyone could do anything and we all had equal footing.#but now we're victims of the algorithm. and it makes me sick.#i'm quitting my job in social media. i'm quitting it. it makes me too depressed. i have an existential crisis every freaking day.#every day i wake up and say "ah. this is the fucking hell we live in#i'm so sorry i feel so passionate about this.#social media is a black hole and it is actively destroying humanity. forget ai. social media is what's doing it.#i miss how beautiful the internet used to be. it should've been a tool for good. but it's corrupt and evil now.#sci speaks
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🌸 achieved some personal bests at the gym today !!
🌸 a day of great homemade meals!! turns out that tuna rice balls taste delicious even when left in the fridge overnight. also still thinking about my yogurt bowl with blueberries n peanut butter... and my very fuelling protein-packed dinner which tasted like heaven......................
🌸 a lovely black cat came up to me meowing as i was walking home and rubbed itself against me when i crouched to see it better. my beloved
🌸 a peaceful walk home !!!
🌸 played a bit of volleyball this morning too!!
🌸 watched a few exciting volleyball matches today
🌸 the birthday x new year's day existential dread is finally starting to dull. i finally feel a little better about the future now lol. all i'm hoping for now is the courage and patience to pull through every uncertainty that i face these few months
#personal#the gym made all my ailments disappear n suddenly now as i revisit my experiences today i realise the day wasn't so bad after all#was in a terrible headspace pre gym and was trying to use my ailments to convince myself to not go today but i'm glad i dragged myself there#bc today i learnt that i can lift heavier than i thought for some of my most dreaded stations 👁️🫦👁️
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Akutagawa daily 881/★
#881#ryuunosuke akutagawa#bsd#bungou stray dogs#other#merch art#I'm terribly sorry for the delay in posting today!!! I wasn't able to visit Tumblr at all yesterday and I just forgot
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(Katara doesn't appreciate sharing her kitchen with surprise culinary savant, Zuko. He takes over making dinner one night, and Katara insists on making a salad at least)
Katara: (tasting the sauce Zuko's working on) It needs salt.
Zuko: It does not! It's perfect!
Zuko turns away and Katara sneaks a dash of salt into the sauce.
Zuko: (returning to taste the sauce) You added salt!
Katara: I did not!
Zuko: You did! You ruined it.
Katara: I fixed it!
Zuko: Oh, yeah? Well, fix this! (Dumps entire bottle of dressing on Katara's salad.)
Katara: (with forced calm) No problem. It just needs a different presentation. (Dumps salad on Zuko's head.)
Zuko: (with even more forced calm) I see what you mean. Maybe you can give me a few pointers on my side dish. (scoops up a handful of mashed potatoes and smears them in Katara's face)
#atla#zutara#incorrect quotes#smart guy#love letters#i wasn't planning to post another incorrect quote so soon#but i'm having a terrible terrible week and this is all i could do today#THE YEAR OF CONTENT!!!!
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I think people watch those things as punishment because they don't have the means, time, extra money, etc, to do anything meaningful to help. So at least they can acknowledge and bear witness to the horror, even if they're not able to actually help.
right but like. "at least they can do this" makes it sound like doing that is actually materially useful, and i'm not convinced it is. i think in many cases it is only increasing the number of people suffering in the world. i agree that people are doing it because they feel powerless in other regards but in the majority of cases i think it's harming more than helping
#wasn't supposed to be continuing to engage with this topic on this blog#muted the post for a reason#please send this ask in irish to my irish-language sideblog so i can respond to it without breaking my no-discourse-in-english rules thanks#my feeling is that many of us are powerless to intervene in major world events and that feels extremely shitty#but there are very often problems closer to home that we CAN help with#and they might be smaller problems and therefore they don't feel like we're Making A Difference#but for the people who are helped by a small everyday action they are important#and that is all part of putting good into the world. and we are not powerless there#but if all of our energies and emotions are focused on the situations we cannot change/help with#we are going to overlook the things we could've helped with in the meantime#and if we are filling our brains with despair and suffering and misery#we are not going to think 'how can i put good into my local community today'#we are going to think 'god. everything is terrible and i can do nothing to help'#and that is neither useful nor sustainable#answered#anonymous
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so i knew i was doing bad but i just realized i haven't been eating much these days. after my parents left i didn't bother to get any food to eat at all. oh. oh well...
#when i am having a bad depressive episode or being terribly anxious something breaks in my brain and either food is#a thing of joy or i simply don't eat at all#and i knew i wasn't doing well these days but i had a cup of tea and realized i didn't eat today yet#which is concerning but i can't just snap out of it#i could order food i think? i forgot to buy groceries and don't know if i can afford to order rn#oh well.......#notes of a countryside dandy
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More complaining lol
since it was raining earlier i had to roll th windows up on my car. this is only a problem cause the doors are broken and it can't open on the outside. so now that the windowsa are up i gotta climb in through the trunk.
and even That i wouldn't mind but like i vented earlier, i hurt my neck/back today and it's gonna hurt like hell to climb into my car
hence why i called out today. but i need coffee so i might say fuck it and just suffer through climbing into my car to get some iced coffee
#im probably gonna do it. ive just gotta yk work myself up for it#the main reason i called out of work today tho wasn't cause of Geting into my car#it's cause idk if i could lift a bunch of heavy stuff And turn my head like usual.i#it hurts just holding my head up at all#i have terrible luck lol#d rambles
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today was so full of hope for me. life is okay sometimes
#LIKE im getting existential but good fuck if today wasn't just. so good.#it was a beautiful day and listening to tfb driving down an empty road was just augh. the fields by my work have never looked so nice#i still worked myself into the ground and i dont like my job but everything around me was so pretty and it just felt so fulfilling#and yeah ive got the anniversary of this terrible day coming up but like. im saving to move in with my brother#ive met the platonic love of my life and theyre so nice to me all the time and if i think about it long enough ill cry and its just.#i wish i could give last year me a hug but im proud of myself. and nothing is perfect right now and im still broken but today was beautiful
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my worst trait is the need to get 12 hours of sleep every night. if i have to get up at 6am well i should be in bed by 6pm. combine this with my natural inclination to stay up really late and you get me waking up past noon because i was up past midnight. if there is no external force like school or a job keeping me on my early bedtime schedule i will revert to sleeping til noon within a few days
#i tried getting ten hours so i would go to sleep at 8 for my job i have to be up for around 6 and i was literally so exhausted all the time#i should have gone to bed at 6#i started going to bed at 7 and it helped#anyway#employment is hard enough but there not enough jobs where the schedule accommodates my insane sleeping needs#i did see one where the start time was 10am and it went until like 6pm but it was really far away and i wasn't qualified#but what a concept#also is was hybrid remote which would also be so nice#this post is to say that i accidentally stayed up past 1am last night so guess what time i woke up today#an extreme example usually i get by with 11 hours and stay up til 11 then get up at 10#which is still not great but its not embarrassing#this is especially terrible with the days getting shorter#the sun goes down at 5pm so getting up at 1pm or noon every day this week is not good#in my defense im getting over covid usually im up by 11#but still 🤡
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suffering
#god#the first part of today wasn't so bad#got v lost multiple times and was horribly sweaty but it mostly seemed like. manageable#but the online speech class...#i am dropping that thang#i was wanting to switch to all online classes but was swiftly reminded how much the website sucks#also realized that i may not actually need to take this new student course#there are no advisor appointments available until next week and the last day to add/drop classes is this week#also hardly any classes have slots left#or are online only or the professors have terrible reviews#am full of dread and feeling v hopeless#idk what i will do if i can't get myself through college
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briefly forgot drinking and driving was illegal today 😶
#earlier today my dad was like 'sorry kiddo i'm doing all the driving no-nos right now' cuz he had a beer and was checking his texts#(we'd been in the woods overnight so he was just making sure nothing had happened while we weren't in contact w ppl)#and i said 'the terrible thing is i wasn't even thinking about it' because i wasn't which IS lowkey not great lol#kiwifae says shit#for the record he wasn't like. drunk#he just had a beer#he was fine#i just totally forgot you aren't supposed to do that
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A writer friend told me something that broke my heart a little bit today; they're going to quit publishing their fanfic.
My instant thought was that they had been trolled or attacked or that something terrible had happened in their life because this person is so passionate about their writing. It wasn't any of that. Engagement with their works has been going down, as it has for many of us. Comments are like gold dust a lot of the time, and just looking through the historical comment counts on old fics on ao3 demonstrates this trend very clearly. It was not simply the comments dropping off which caused them to decide to stop posting, however.
My friend came across a discord server for their fandom (I should point out here that their fandom interest and mine diverged a couple of years ago, we stay in touch but don't currently read each other's posts because I'm not into their fandom and they would rather gouge their eyes out with a wooden spoon than read anything Star Wars) and specifically to share fic in that fandom. They joined, because we all love a good fic rec, only to discover that their latest multichapter fic, which has almost no comments and very few kudos, is being hotly discussed in this server as one of the best stories ever. Not one of these people has bothered to say this to them on the fic. When they asked, none of participants could see the point in telling the author of the fic they apparently loved so much that they love it.
This discovery has absolutely destroyed my friend's love of sharing fic. They share because they love seeing other people's enjoyment, and fic writers do that through comments and kudos/reblogs/likes because we don't get paid. There is no literary critic writing a blog post/article about how amazing the story is for us to copy and keep/frame. There is no money from royalties. All we have are the words of the people reading our works.
Those people on that server could have taken five minutes of the time they spent gushing about how amazing my friend's story was to other people and used it to tell the one person guaranteed to want to hear that praise how much they loved it. They could have taken a moment to express their opinion to the person who spent hours upon hours plotting, writing, editing, and posting those chapters. Instead, they deprived my friend of thing that keeps them sharing their writing, and in the process have killed their love of it. My friend now feels used and unmotivated.
I won't be sharing a link to their fic, they said I could share their experience but not their identity. I know they plan to post one final chapter. I know they intend to express their hurt at being excluded from the praise for the thing they created, and I know they intend to announce that as a consequence they will not be posting for a long while, if at all.
So please, I beg you, don't hide your love of a story from the writer. It's just about the only thing we have.
#fanfiction#fanfic#ao3 writer#ao3 fanfic#writing is hard#fanfic writing#writer stuff#archive of our own#ao3#this isn’t about me#my stuff still has great interaction from readers#although I would never say no to more#but please please please don't hide your enjoyment from us#they feed the gremlins in our heads which give us the stories
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had my first class where i was the teacher today how crazy is that
#it was kind of bad but mostly okay#and even if it had been worse than it was i'm literally a student this was my first time ever i'm supposed to suck#it was supposed to be me and the girl i'm with but she was sick today so i did it by myself and i kind of wanted to do it by myself for the#first time anyway because she would have been better than me and the kids would have been like she's great she sucks and this way they were#only like she sucks. and that's okay. she went to the doctor and she got two days off so unless she miraculously gets better i'm gonna be#by myself all day tomorrow too😔 with the teacher we're with. that we're like shadowing. and i'll teach a class by myself again. i think#after tomorrow we only have two more opportunities to do it so we'll probably do one together and she'll do one by herself#doing it together is gonna be so weird i think. like you would think it would make it easier but i don't think it's gonna work like that it#might make it even weirder. but it's a good experience to have and it's gonna be fine#i said i sucked and it was bad but i didn't SUCK. it was just kind of what you would expect from someone teaching for the very first time.#it wasn't terrible it wasn't great i was more comfortable at the 52nd minute than i was at the 6th minute#11-year-olds btw#that i kind of already knew by name because we spent a full day with them like went to all their classes with them for a day in october#tomorrow it's gonna be kids i don't know at all i have their names and their pictures but i know not being sure is gonna bother me😔#and like i say: brf slt
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