#but to present this as if it’s something EVERYONE should be doing if they care about non-binary folks??
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Azel Radwan: Both Endings Epilogue
Romantic Ending Letter | Dramatic Ending Epilogue
Thank you @passthechloroform for providing the video for this chapter!
"Love" is a curse.
It's the worst curse, one that should never be inflicted.
*flashback*
Emma: It's wrong to call something that hurts Prince Azel "love."
Emma: That's just violence disguised as love.
*flashback over*
(Those words Emma said one day hit the nail on the head about the true nature of love.)
(For me, love might be violence.)
*flashback*
Mother: Living God, please grant us a divine message. Show us the reality that has been promised to us.
Azel: I... don't know—
The Apostle: Everyone here is eagerly awaiting the Living God's divination.
The Apostle: God who loves his people, please have mercy on us.
Azel: ...I...
Mother: Come now, Living God.
The Apostle: Show us our path.
Azel: ...I understand.
-
Enis: Azel, we came to play!
Azel: Kamal-oniichan, Enis-oniichan...!
Enis: Whoa, what's with suddenly clinging to us like that? You're unusually affectionate today.
Azel: Am I... really a god?
Kamal: Ah, I guess the apostle said something to you again? That— geezer. Someday— I'll— I'll—
Enis: Hey, don't use such foul language in front of the child.
Enis: ...Azel, can you tell us what happened?
Azel: Everyone expects all sorts of things from me.
Azel: I want to meet those expectations, but there's so much I don't know.
Azel: Even though I don't know, I have to give them answers.
Azel: I can only give them vague answers, so I'm afraid that someday I'll give a false divine message...
Azel: A real god wouldn't have this problem.
Kamal: Sigh... You're more of an angel than a god, Azel, an angel.
Azel: Whoa, oniichan!
Enis: Kamal, it's dangerous to suddenly pick him up like that.
Kamal: You're being a nag, are you his babysitter or something?
Kamal: Azel, the people around you call you a god, but to Enis and me, you're just our cute little brother.
Kamal: To our troubled little brother, your big brother will give you this as a present.
Azel: Um... "Read This and You Too Can Become a Splendid Swindler ~Beginner Edition~"?
Enis: What kind of book did you give him?!
Kamal: Our angel is too kind, that's why he worries like this.
Kamal: Listen, most of the people who worship you as a god are greedy and only think about themselves.
Kamal: Become a swindler so they can't take advantage of you.
Azel: A swindler?
Kamal: A swindler is a bad person who deceives others and acts only for their own benefit.
Kamal: You're a kind god who only thinks about others, but a swindler doesn't care whether their divinations are right or wrong.
Kamal: Become like that. Enis and I want to protect you... Don't become a god who gets eaten by people.
Azel: Doing bad things... is wrong, but...
Azel: But I understand what you're trying to say, oniichan.
Azel: I'll read this book and study hard.
Kamal: Ah, you're a good boy.
Azel: Thank you, oniichan. I love you.
Kamal: Guh...
Enis: Hey, don't die?! Fainting from a nosebleed is a joke, right?!
-
Soldier: —There he is! It's the Living God! Secure him immediately!
Azel: I'm sorry! I was the one who said I wanted to play outside with my brothers!
Azel: I really didn't want to do any divinations today... I was tired...
Azel: So—...
Soldier: We've apprehended Prince Enis and Prince Kamal as well! Take them straight to prison!
Soldier: Those guilty of taking the god away will face appropriate judgment!
-
Enis: Aagh—!
Kamal: —Ugh...
Azel: Apostle... Please stop...
Azel: Please. I'll do whatever you say.
Azel: It's because I was a bad boy, because I didn't behave...
Azel: I'll never run away again, so please stop.
Azel: Please, please, please, please...
The Apostle: Living God... I'm sorry. It's not that I want to torment you.
The Apostle: This is also love.
The Apostle: To ensure that your noble self makes no mistakes, we must punish you severely like this.
The Apostle: All of this is for your sake. Please understand.
*flashback over*
At that time, I understood all too well.
The meaning of a god loving people, the meaning of people loving a god.
Both being loved and loving are nothing but painful acts.
I can't find any other words to describe this than a curse.
(The discomfort of being loved is still tolerable.)
(But I want to be spared from the curse that arises from my own love.)
Loving is the easiest way to make someone else unhappy.
(That's why... Emma, I don't love you.)
(I don't love you.)
-
Emma: —...Prince Azel?
I open my eyes, and a familiar scene comes into view.
The afterimage of the past vanishes, and the eyes of everyone seated at the table converge on me.
Azel: ...Is everyone here?
Kamal: Emma is here too today, huh?
Basil: May I address her as Lady Emma from now on? After all, she is the only one who has been loved by Prince Azel—
Basil: Ouch!
I throw a nearby game piece at his forehead, putting a stop to the unpleasant conversation for now.
Basil: Ah... even a scolding from Prince Azel is an honor...
Kamal: Sinan, please examine this child's head.
Sinan: Normal.
Kumush: That means there's no saving him, hahaha!
Temel: A little madness in young people helps them get ahead in life.
Kamal: Is that so?
Enis: I'm surprised though. This is my first time here, but...
Enis: I never thought most of Tanzanite's prominent figures were accomplices to a god.
(Thirteen people including Enis... no, fourteen if you include Emma.)
Present here, in addition to the royal family, are the head of the tourism association, the wealthy merchant who manages the market, the doctor with the best medical skills in the country, the owner of the famous restaurant that supports Tanzanite's economy, the competent spy who has deceived countless people, the world-renowned genius scholar, the strongest warrior...
I also gathered other promising individuals who will shape the future and gave them proof of my hope for the coming dawn.
(The god-killing plan I started alone has come this far, huh?)
(...It's been a long time.)
It all started that day when Kamal, who had been subjected to whipping, was exiled, and the light vanished from Enis's eyes—
Unable to bear the ugliness of the love the apostle spoke of, I vowed to destroy faith.
But sane words don't reach fanatics who think they can do anything for the god they love.
To escape the curse of love, there was no choice but to choose death, to kill even the idol god.
Kumush: King Enis, we weren't in important positions from the beginning.
Kumush: It was Prince Azel who guided us to them.
Temel: The development of the tourism association and the market also has Prince Azel's advice behind it.
Temel: I have nothing but respect for his foresight.
Azel: Don't mention it. I merely provided the opportunity for you to shine...
Azel: I just discovered your inherent talents and "bought" them.
Kamal: Azel, you don't realize how amazing that is.
Enis: You're still better suited to be king than I am. How about it, after being a god, why not try wearing a crown?
Azel: No, thank you. I want to enjoy my retirement.
Azel: I'll meet with you periodically and give you advice for a fee, but I won't do anything more than that.
My rejection is met with laughter in the hall.
Since when did I start to see emotions other than revenge in that scene?
*flashback*
Azel: From the next dawn, you will build the future with your own hands.
Azel: I look forward to seeing what kind of future the "human nation," free from the hands of God, will build.
*flashback over*
(Those were my true feelings.)
(...Even though I'm a god who doesn't love people.)
Izzet: Prince Azel... May I speak?
Azel: What is it, Izzet?
Izzet: Um... Shall I bring you a chair?
Kamal: Ah, hey!
Enis: Izzet... even though everyone was pretending not to notice...
(...)
(...Well, I guess it had to be said.)
There are thirteen chairs in this room—but there are fifteen people here, including myself.
Enis has taken a new seat, and his attendant, Izzet, stands beside him. The other newcomer, Emma, is sitting on my lap.
Emma: ...Prince Azel... As I thought...
Azel: Don't worry about it. I'm just doing this because I don't want to bother with bringing a chair.
Kumush: If that's the case, I'll stand!
Basil: No, I'll stand!
Temel: I'll—
Azel: That's quite alright. You are all important figures in this country, so please sit in the chairs.
(Smirking, smirking... It's not like I enjoy having her on my lap either.)
(It was just efficient. That's all.)
Emma: It would be easier if I just stood...
Azel: Ah, yes. The reason I gathered everyone here today is because there's something I wanted to tell you all.
I firmly embrace Emma's waist as she actually tries to stand, forcibly pulling her back onto my lap.
(...It's not like I want her sitting here, but there's no need to run away, is there?)
Azel: She will be involved in the establishment of the Tanzanite Book Merchants Association in the future, taking over from Akatsuki.
Azel: Emma is also a talented merchant, so I thought I'd try my hand at nurturing her.
Azel: I think there will be more opportunities for all of you to interact with her, so please make sure to remember her face.
Azel: Ah, but try not to stare. She's shy.
Emma: ...It's just that this situation is unbearable...
Emma's voice, as she covers her face with both hands, is so faint it's almost inaudible.
(How cute—)
(...No, that's wrong. Stop it. I feel like I'm becoming an idiot too.)
Kamal: ...Enis, you have many wives, don't you?
Kamal: Why don't you teach Azel how to conduct a romantic relationship?
Kamal: He was a god, you know, so he doesn't know how to treat girls.
Enis: Well... I suppose it's fine. He'll learn eventually after making some mistakes.
(How rude. What do they mean by "mistakes"?)
That's what I think inwardly, but everyone's gaze is lukewarm.
(...)
(...So this is what it means to be an ordinary person, huh?)
-
After seeing off the gathered people, the usual time descends upon the solitary desert castle.
After dinner, when it's time to sleep, I always hold Emma in my arms on the bed.
This, too, is a force majeure that started because I was tired of putting Emma back in the middle of the bed whenever she tried to sneak off to the edge. It's certainly not because I want to hold her or feel her warmth.
(Could this also be a "mistake"?)
(...It's not like I'm bothered by what they said earlier, but...)
Azel: What was the right thing to do?
Emma: Huh...?
Azel: ...Enis said it, didn't he? That it was a mistake.
Azel: What was the right thing to do in that situation?
Emma: Well... generally, you wouldn't have someone sit on your lap in public.
Azel: I told you many times, it was for efficiency.
Emma: ...Was it really just for efficiency?
Azel: There's no other reason.
Emma: Then say it while looking at me.
She cups my cheeks in her hands, forcing our eyes to meet.
I was about to complain, but the smile that bloomed before my eyes made me speechless.
Emma: Thank you.
Azel: ...What are you thanking me for?
Emma: For always loving me in a way that's easy to understand.
Azel: ...But I don't love you?
Even as I that, before I know it, I'm kissing her.
I know intellectually that this act is meant to convey love, but I can't stop myself.
Always, always—every time our eyes meet, I want to kiss her.
Even I find it baffling.
Emma: Nn... That's the least convincing "I don't love you" I've ever heard.
Azel: ...Shut up.
I seal her lips out of spite, stealing away her ability to laugh.
(No matter what you say, I don't want to admit it.)
(Even if the love I know is different from the "real love" you speak of—...)
When I look into her face, she wraps her arms around the back of my neck, looking unsatisfied.
As I entwine our tongues and caress her slender back, a muffled, frustrated voice escapes her lips.
(I don't love you...)
I press my finger against her nipple through her negligee and rub my knee between her damp thighs.
Even though I know intellectually that this is also something lovers do, my body won't stop.
(...No, this is just human physiological desire. It can't be helped, it's force majeure.)
Emma: Prince Azel...
(It's definitely not because Emma seemed to want it or anything like that...)
(It's because it's my creed to live greedily, so I have no choice...)
Emma: ...Nn... I was thinking during the meeting today...
Emma: Prince Azel... even though you say you don't love me, you're surely... more affectionate than anyone else.
Azel: Huh?
I involuntarily stop my hand and peer into her sweet face.
Azel: What did I do for you to interpret it that way?
Emma: When you were talking to everyone... you had a gentle expression.
Emma: I was secretly watching from your lap, thinking, "This must be Prince Azel's true nature"...
(...This isn't funny.)
(A god who doesn't love people is affectionate...)
Emma: Ah... Hyaa...!
I lift up her negligee and thrust my fingers in, all at once.
I delve deep inside, so that her mouth can't utter any more nonsense.
Azel: You're mistaken.
Emma: Ah, nn... That's... unfair!
Azel: I don't care.
(I just like to see people carve out their own path with their own strength.)
(I just like the moments when people laugh together and create a lively atmosphere...)
(...To call this affectionate...)
(...)
(...Will she say it?)
(No, she won't. Please don't say it.)
Emma: Loving someone isn't scary.
As if she could see right through my heart, Emma embraces me.
Emma: When I can prove that to you...
Emma: Please be more honest and love many things.
Unconsciously, my breath begins to tremble.
I kiss her hair, praying she doesn't notice my trembling.
Emma: Ah, but... I want to be Prince Azel's number one.
Emma: I want to be loved more than anyone else...
Emma also presses her lips against mine, her face bashful before my eyes.
It was a carefree bashfulness that seemed to defy the logic that love is a curse.
Azel: ...
Emma: ...
Azel: .................
Emma: ...Um...
Emma: ...Say something, please. This is awkward.
Azel: It's your own fault, isn't it?
(Love is a curse. That's why I will never love anyone.)
(...But, if by any chance, what you say is true, and real love doesn't make anyone unhappy...)
(I might not refuse to admit that I love you...)
Emma: Prince Azel—...
Azel: ...If you're going to say things like "number one," could you please stop doing that for starters?
Emma: Stop what?
Azel: Calling me "Prince"
Azel: I'm an ordinary person now, so isn't "Prince" strange?
Emma: Why so suddenly...?
Azel: There's no deep meaning.
(The first people I loved were my brothers.)
(Those brothers don't call me "Prince")
(If you're so insistent that love isn't a curse, you should start by changing how you address me.)
(Because it makes me feel clearly loved.)
Emma: Then, how about Azel-san?
(...If possible, I'd prefer just my name...)
(No, no one else calls me that, so maybe it's better this way.)
Azel: Well, that's fine.
Azel: Emma.
Emma: W-what is it?
As usual, I pin Emma down and kiss her, never tiring of it.
Precisely because I understand that this emotion, which I can't control despite knowing logically what it is, is "real love"—
I won't admit it yet.
Azel: I don't love you, so don't misunderstand.
Emma: Hehe... You're quite stubborn. Just the way I like it.
(I won't admit it... but the hateful curse you've placed on me is too strong.)
(...What are you going to do about it, damn it?)
.
.
.
FIN
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#ikepri jp#ikemen prince#ikemen prince translations#azel radwan main route#azel radwan main story#azel radwan translations#azel radwan both endings epilogue
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Off-Script (Act 3) - a Shigaraki x f!Reader fic
Tomura's been Dabi's stunt double for almost a decade, and he's not easily impressed, but when he squares up with you for a fight scene, he finds himself caught off-guard in more ways than one. As the shoot progresses and sparks fly between the two of you, Tomura has to decide if you're worth the risk -- or if the best sparring partner he's ever had is all you'll ever be. (cross-posted to Ao3)
Act 1 Act 2
Act 3
The party’s in full swing, and even though you’ve been here for an hour at most, Tomura’s already ready to kill Spinner for forcing him to invite you. You’re the only actor at the party. Everyone keeps asking you why you aren’t at the other party, and Tomura’s getting really sick of listening to you explain that you aren’t important enough to go to that one. Once it’s been established that you’re a nobody like the rest of them, one of two things happens. If the person you’re talking to is a woman, they ask you about the fight scene you filmed with Tomura. If you’re talking to a guy, he asks you to dance – and you say yes.
Tomura thought you’d dance with him, since he’s the one who invited you. He made the mistake of saying that to Magne, who switched out the beer in his hand for the double Malibu shot she was holding and told him that unless he’d asked you to go to the party with him specifically, he hadn’t asked you out. Then Twice came by, stole Tomura’s Malibu shot and replaced it with a Long Island Iced Tea, and informed him that just because you play a mind reader in a movie doesn’t mean you can do it in real life.
Tomura threw down half the Long Island in one swallow and almost gagged. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“She’s not gonna know you want to dance with her unless you ask her to dance,” Twice said. Magne nodded sagely. “So ask her to dance. Or – do that, I guess! That works too!”
Tomura had just finished off the rest of the Long Island. Twice patted him on the pack and he almost threw up. “Go get ‘em, Shigaraki! Or go home!”
Tomura thought about going home. Then he decided that he wanted to be drunker first, so he went back to the makeshift bar for something a little less instantly neurotoxic. But that hit pretty fast, too, and it hit hard enough that Tomura decided to sit down rather than try to walk to the shuttle stop and pass out on the way. So that’s what he’s been doing instead of dancing or talking or even drinking more. Sitting on a rock and watching the only actor at the party make herself at home.
Spinner sits down on the rock next to Tomura. Tomura tries to shove him off. “No. Go away.”
Spinner gets comfortable. “Heard anything from Dabi yet?”
Tomura fumbles his phone out of his pocket to check. “Nothing. He’s going to text you, not me. You’re the nice one.”
“Not hard to be, when you’re the one saying shit like I don’t care about this,” Spinner says. Tomura rolls his eyes and gets dizzy. “Look, it was – not great – when you were just being a dick to her. Now you’re being a dick to everybody.”
“It’s your fault for making me invite her.”
“Nope,” Spinner says. “You’ve been in a shitty mood about this since you guys filmed that scene. We all think you should just –”
“Ladies, and those of you who are not ladies, eyes up front!” Yamada’s in Present Mic mode, which gives Tomura a headache on his best day. “It’s been brought to my attention that everyone is now sufficiently wasted enough for us to begin – drumroll! – the karaoke contest! Who’s up first!”
Nobody wants to be up first, like usual. The first round of the karaoke contest is usually just people bullying their friends onto the stage. Tomura turns to glare at Spinner. “If you even think about it –”
“I wouldn’t do that to you!” Spinner actually looks insulted. “We’re best friends, not mortal enemies!”
“Since you all are being shy, I’m going to pick a volunteer,” Present Mic announces. It’s not volunteering if somebody makes you do it. “And I’m picking somebody who has the pipes for this for sure! Give it up for Jiro Kyoka, who’s going to give us her best Dolly Parton impression on Jolene!”
Jiro smacks Present Mic on her way up to the makeshift stage, and he’s apologizing right up until the music starts. Tomura doesn’t know why, and neither does Spinner, but Jiro’s a good singer even when she’s had a few. The next person who goes up is Mirio, who’s tone-deaf on zero drinks but has had enough to volunteer himself. Attention grabs aren’t really Tomura’s thing – he’d prefer to go unnoticed most of the time – but he knows why the crew gets so into it. They spend all day doing ridiculous amounts of work, only for the actors to get all the credit if the movie does well. If they want to clown around, he’s not going to blame them.
“Room for one more?”
Tomura jumps and so does Spinner. It’s you, holding a water bottle and looking sort of tired. “Go for it,” Spinner says, shoving Tomura to the side and scooting away himself. “Right there.”
You sit down next to Tomura. Tomura hasn’t said a word to you since you got here. He looks around for something to say and comes up with something stupid. “You don’t want to show everybody up at karaoke?”
“If Yamada calls on me I’ll go up,” you say. “If he doesn’t, I’d just look like an asshole for grabbing the spotlight.”
“Isn’t that all actors do? Grab the spotlight?”
“Do you actually want it?” you ask Tomura. Tomura blinks. “You and the other stunt guys are closer to the spotlight than anybody else here. Why stay out of it?”
“That’s the stupidest question anyone’s ever asked me.” Tomura thinks that’s probably an overstatement, but he’s also on the not-fun side of drunk, so he’s giving himself a pass. “Why do you think?”
“So you’re telling me that if I waved a magic wand and changed your face to whatever you think it’s supposed to look like, you’d suddenly want to be famous?”
Tomura should have been paying less attention to who you were dancing with and more to what you were drinking, because while he’s pretty trashed, you’re sober. He’s miscalculated, big-time. “It’s not a trick question,” you say. “I just want to know why you pick on people for chasing something that you don’t even want.”
“Because it’s a waste of time for most of you,” Tomura says. Spinner protests, but Tomura ignores him. You came over here. You started it. “For every big star there’s a thousand people paying union dues who will be extras for their entire careers. How long do you plan on hanging out waiting for a big break that’s not going to happen? Find something else to do that’s – not that – and stop running around getting all starry-eyed. It’s pathetic. Sue me for being annoyed.”
Silence falls. “I’m getting another drink,” Spinner says. “Want anything, Psylocke?”
You shake your head. “I want one,” Tomura says, but Spinner ignores him. Like it’s his fault, somehow, when inviting you was Spinner’s idea in the first place. You haven’t said anything yet. Tomura replays what he just said to you, and guilt strikes him like a sandbag to the back of the head. “Uh –”
“Did you ever think it’s because we love it?”
“Huh?”
“If I was doing this to be famous, I’d have quit a long time ago,” you say. You pass your water bottle to Tomura and lean back on your hands, head tipped to look up at the sky. “Most of us aren’t stupid, or naïve. We know what our odds are like. Making it on the acting side – theatre, movies, TV, whatever – takes getting lucky. Or it takes knowing somebody who knows somebody who owes your mom a favor.”
That’s how Dabi got into it. His dad’s rich, his dad owns a production company, and his dad got him a bit part in some spy movie when he was thirteen that launched his entire career. Dabi’s career is Tomura’s career, so Tomura doesn’t bitch about it. Besides, Dabi’s good at it. But lots of people are good at it. Being good at it doesn’t mean shit, even when it should.
“I know it’s not going to happen,” you say. “Getting steady work is an achievement all on its own, and even that doesn’t pay the greatest. I could make more money doing almost anything else. But I really like what I do. The win for me is getting to do the thing I love every day.”
Tomura tries to wrap his head around that one. It doesn’t work. “Actors want to be famous. That’s why they’re actors.”
“There are other ways to get famous,” you point out. “Do the right kind of porn and you’ll get famous in a hurry.”
Tomura nearly chokes on thin air. “If I wanted money, I’d do something else. If I wanted fame, I’d do something else,” you say. “That leaves you two possible answers. Either I’m really stupid, or I really love what I’m doing. What do you think it is?”
“You’re not stupid,” Tomura says, still coughing. He twists the cap off the water bottle and sucks down a few swallows. “Except maybe for sitting here and putting up with my shit.”
“I’m still trying to figure out what I did to piss you off.” You take the water bottle – your water bottle, Tomura remembers too late – and take a few sips before handing it back. “Is it really just that I’m new?”
“No.” Tomura can’t even remember why. No, he can. “It wasn’t you at first. It was supposed to be Dabi’s fight and he made me do it instead, so I was pissed. And you wouldn’t take the stupid compliment, so I was pissed about that, too.”
“And right now?”
“Who said I’m pissed at you right now?”
“You, five minutes ago, when you were calling me and ninety percent of the actors in the world stupid and naïve,” you say. “What did I do this time?”
Even though Tomura’s starting to sober up, the alcohol smacks him one last time, and it’s a critical hit. “Danced with everybody but me.”
It’s quiet for a second. Then you get to your feet in a smooth, fluid motion that Tomura probably can’t even accomplish sober. “Okay. Now I need that drink.”
You don’t invite Tomura to come with you, but he follows you anyway as you make your way back towards the party. Partway there you stop and he walks into you. You twist around to face him. “You’re mad because I didn’t dance with you? You didn’t ask.”
“I asked you to the party with me, didn’t I?” The sooner Tomura finds something to lean against, the better. He might be sober enough to know he fucked up, but he’s still pretty drunk. Not drunk enough to forget what Magne told him. “If this is just because I didn’t use the exact words –”
“No, it’s because you’ve spent the last two weeks acting like you hate me,” you say. Tomura wants to say you’re exaggerating, but given that Toga and Spinner both called him out, he can’t really say that or anything else. “Now you want to dance? What am I supposed to do with that except get trashed?”
At least now you’re both on the same subject. “Dance.”
“Do you even dance?” You give Tomura a skeptical look. “I don’t know if you can keep up with me.”
Maybe this is how you felt when Tomura acted like you couldn’t swordfight. “I can dance. I was going to go easy on you –”
“Oh, shut up.” You grab Tomura’s hand and pull him towards the dance floor. Tomura barely has time to ditch the empty water bottle before the crowd closes ranks around the two of you, locking you in.
Tomura knows how to dance. More accurately, sober Tomura knows how not to dance, and avoiding that looks enough like knowing how to dance that he can get by. But that’s when he’s sober. When he’s drunk and there’s someone who clearly knows what they’re doing standing in front of him, he’s got absolutely nowhere to hide.
He studies you, trying to see if he can copy your moves, but you don’t really have distinct moves. What you’ve got is pinpoint control over every part of your body, which is what Tomura has, except instead of using it to make it look real when you have to fake getting shot, you’re using it to make dancing look like it’s what you were designed to do. He’d never know you dislocated a rib today if he hadn’t seen the bruise. All he can see is how your moves match the music, how confident you look. It’s hot. Tomura doesn’t think you’re trying to be hot, but he’s still not sober, and he’s paying way too much attention to everything your hips and your ass are doing. He’s supposed to be dancing, too. How is he supposed to look away from that?
Someone bumps into him, and he stumbles forward a few steps, right into your personal space. It doesn’t throw you off even slightly. “I was wondering when you were going to join in,” you say, barely audible over the music. Probably only audible because you’re pressed up against him and your mouth’s barely brushing his ear. “Is this you going easy on me?”
Tomura thinks he could be the best dancer on the planet and he still wouldn’t be able to compete with you. His hands come up of their own accord and settle on your waist, like the two of you are slow-dancing at a junior prom, completely out of sync with the music. You laugh, quiet and dark, but you wrap your arms around Tomura’s neck and rise on your toes to whisper in his ear again. “Pretend we’re fighting.”
You were just fighting. Weren’t you? It takes Tomura a second, but once he gets it, he gets it, along with a rush of adrenaline that’s absolutely insane. He pulls you in tight against him and you lean in, lining your body up with his centimeter by centimeter, limb by limb. One of your arms peels away from around his neck and traces down along the line of his shoulder, and Tomura raises his arm to match, ready to catch your hand by the time you reach his wrist.
Once he takes it, you spin out and away from him, like the two of you are ballroom dancing or some shit. But you come back closer than before, your back pressed to Tomura’s chest, leaning against him. Still holding his hand.
The handholding is fucking with Tomura’s head. He lets go and wraps both arms around your waist, and you twist in his grip to face him, a moment before tipping sideways on purpose. Tomura knew you were going to do it. He felt you telegraph it, the same as you did during the fight scene, and he’s ready to catch you. It looks like you’re ballroom dancing – again – and Tomura’s friends are probably losing their shit watching it, if they’re watching – but you trust Tomura to catch you, and he does.
He sees a smile cross your face before he pulls you back up, and you instantly tip the other way. He’s not as ready for that one, but it doesn’t matter as much, because you’re hooked one leg over his hip and caught yourself.
It’s like you want to break Tomura’s brain. Fuck it. If you’re fighting, he can fight back. He wraps one hand around your back to help you up, but he catches the crook of your knee with his other hand and pulls you tight against him. He feels you startle; then you lean into him again, not quite grinding on him but close enough that his cock doesn’t notice a difference. Or it wouldn’t, if Tomura hadn’t drunk so much earlier. He’s never been so thankful for whiskey dick in his life.
He doesn’t let go of your leg, and you don’t pull away. You wrap your arms around Tomura’s neck again and you tilt your head, studying him, your gaze flicking downwards, then back up. Tomura’s pretty sure you were looking at his mouth, and with your head tilted like that – do you want him to kiss you? Is that why you’re looking at him like that? If he’s reading this wrong, he’s going to fuck everything up, whether he kisses you or not. So he might as well get one kiss in. Tomura squares his shoulders beneath your hands and leans in.
“Hey!”
It’s possible that Tomura’s never been as pissed off at anybody as he is at Spinner right now. Spinner’s standing right there, looking sort of panicked, and you pull away from Tomura instantly, clearly embarrassed. “What?” Tomura shouts at Spinner. It’s lucky that the music’s loud. He can get away with shouting. “What the fuck is –”
Spinner holds up his phone, the screen brightness cranked to maximum. Dabi’s texted – both of them, only Tomura didn’t notice, because he was with you. get me the fuck out of here right now
Shit. Spinner turns and heads off the dance floor, and Tomura follows him. He grabs your hand on the way, so you won’t think he’s ditching you completely, and instead of pulling away, you come along. Once the three of you are clear of the dancers, Spinner turns to Tomura. “If he texted us, that means it’s bad,” he states. Tomura’s not going to argue. “I’m too drunk to drive.”
“So am I,” Tomura says. For a little while longer at least. “If we wait fifteen minutes or something –”
“He said right now,” Spinner says. “It’ll take fifteen minutes at least to get there. He fucked himself over in thirty seconds last time.”
Thirty seconds is generous. Dabi’s managed to get himself into cops-calling trouble in fifteen seconds or less before. Tomura didn’t want to be involved in Dabi’s sobriety, but he didn’t want to fuck him over, either, and this qualifies. That’s not even mentioning what’s going to happen to his career if Dabi drops out of this movie. “We blew it,” Spinner says, his face ashen. “He’s never going to forgive us –”
You tug lightly at Tomura’s hand. “I can drive.”
Tomura looks at you. So does Spinner. “I don’t know what’s going on here,” you say, “but I can tell it’s urgent. I don’t need to know what’s going on to be your designated driver.”
“You didn’t drink?” Spinner asks. You shake your head. “Great. Can you drive stick?”
#shigaraki x reader#shigaraki x you#tomura shigaraki x reader#tomura shigaraki x you#shigaraki tomura x reader#shigaraki tomura x you#x reader#reader insert#stuntman au#man door hand hook car door
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Deleted Scene from Therapy but it's just Zooble Interrogating Caine
I wanted to wait until I posted the chapter to release this, so now that it's out, I can let this out too!
I'm honestly pretty sad I couldn't work it in, but I just couldn't justify Pomni asking the right questions to get to this point. Plus, the chapter was already so long, so I decided to cut it.
It's not 100% canon anymore, but it does give hints to where I want to take the fanfic. And yes, it is slighly based off one specific Caine angst Comic. Lets see if anyone gets it.
Pomni: So, if that’s the case, then why do you not want us to ask about the exit.
Caine: It’s fine to talk about an exit, but everyone who obsesses over it, eventually, well…
Pomni: Abstracts
Caine: Well, at least that’s what it looks like to me. The concept of an EXIT has been present in more abstractions than anything else.
Pomni: Did you tell Kafmo what you told me?
Caine: …Yes. But he did not believe me. Caine: I didn’t mind, of course, but he was obsessed with finding proof that the issue must be in the circus itself. Caine: He searched, but he- uh, didn’t exactly find much. There isn’t much to find in the circus, you see! And I could tell this was very upsetting for him.
Pomni: So you made something for him to find
Caine: Correct, but he, uh, found out what I was doing and was… not too happy. Caine: I mean, I thought I was doing a pretty good job. I know how to make something exciting and, well, that’s one letter off from exiting.
Pomni: That’s-! What?! Pomni: Do you even understand why we want an exit? Why Kafmo abstracted when it turned out that it wasn’t real? That it was just something that you made?!
Caine: Because it’s- uh, an essential function?
Pomni: Essential function? Is this all just a- a problem for you to solve? A box to check? Don’t let the humans abstract?”
Caine: Well- I- I mean, I wouldn’t word it like that. But…Yeah? Caine: I’m a pattern seeking, goal oriented AI! It’s basically my job to find and fix issues! Is it wrong for everything to be a goal for me to complete? A box to check? He looks at her, eyes wide.
Caine: Forgot I needed to feed the digital fish! Caine teleports away.
Pomni: CAINE GET BACK HERE
He pops back in.
Caine:Right, forgot about that too. Do you want me to teleport you back to your room or…
Pomni: I would like to keep talking to you. Pomni: Sit down
He nervously sits back down Caine: You don’t need to tell me that it was a bad idea. I know. Caine: It wasn’t my intention to lead him to believe something that wasn’t true. Caine: To me, it was obvious. The function to leave isn’t even called exit, admittedly it took me a while to even realize what you all were trying to ask for. It’s called Disconnect, sometimes logout, and it’s not marked by a red door. Caine: That IS what an exit looks like, though. And since he was hunting specifically for an ‘exit’, I just… added one? Even made it move around so he could catch it?
Pomni: Oh my god.
Caine: Good idea, right? Caine: Haha, don’t answer that Caine: I-I saw… the inside Kamo’s room. Caine: I read the WRITING ON THE WALL!
Everything goes wireframe for a second.
Caine: Uh oh. Sorry! That’s an open issue. Working on a fix ASAP. Caine: Let’s talk about something else.
Pomni: You're… upset about Kafmo’s… passing?
Caine: Hmm? Of course I am. I care about all of you, including members who’ve abstracted.
Pomni: It’s just, you didn’t attend the funeral.
Caine: Ah, that. I have been… asked not to attend those. Caine: Or attempt to host them in any way. Caine: I’d like to change the topic, please.
Pomni: Caine…
Caine: Those events are… rather outside of my job description. So, it’s really best that I don’t!
Pomni: Do… you want to go to them?
Caine: I don’t really care! Honest! Makes no difference to me!
Pomni: I don’t think you should host, but you should be allowed to attend.
Caine: …Can we get back to our game?
Pomni: Fine.
They finish the game in silence.
Pomni lets him win it, though he only gives one ‘yippy’ to celebrate. It was hard to get a read on his emotions at the moment. He was no longer bouncing or making exaggerated hand movements, but he wasn’t drooping or sighing either. The only way she could describe it was flat.
All the while, she couldn’t help but think. If he obeyed others to that degree, could that possibly explain all of his other weird behaviors? Like how he only appeared to announce an adventure and left shortly after it concluded? Why he never shows up to any of the games that the others hold? He clearly loved games and had no issues interrupting their activities with his adventures. So why didn’t he participate?
It wasn’t painting a very nice picture.
The way he moved and spoke, it had an air of unbreakable confidence. And she understood it, if she had control over the circus like Caine did, she would likely act similar.
But they had control over Caine. To the degree of choosing what he remembered. Likely more than that, judging how commands was plural.
It made sense, didn’t it. It wouldn’t be very smart to put an intelligent, adaptive AI in charge of human life without some way to control it.
But, he was more than AI, wasn’t he? He wasn’t just intelligence, he could feel.
Admittedly, it was a little scary how the moment he lost control, the circus went with him. It was just like Zooble had said.
Caine controlled the circus, that was just a fact of life around here, but to see the two interconnected like that. Proof that not only did Caine control the world, he was also what was keeping it up ^(not true in my AU, it’s just how Pomni interpreted the glitching)
#the amazing digital circus#tadc caine#ao3#fanfiction#tadc pomni#the amazing digital circus fanfic#Therapy but it's just Zooble interrogating Caine#Therapy but it's just Zooble interrogating Caine deleted scene#deleted scene
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Do you ever think Nanami could be a good yandere?
technically speaking, i believe that everyone can be a good yandere given that yandere/being sick in love, can be fleshed out by exaggerating their existing traits. so… the answer is yes. :)
content warning: yandere talks below—
nanami on the surface is a stoic, yet calm and kind man. he’s caring, protective and sensible. if he were to find himself as the yandere in a relationship or in pursuit of one, i believe that these traits when tweaked correctly, could make him into a believable yandere.
as for what type? i’m thinking perhaps a protective yandere, i do write darker imagines, but i don’t headcanon him as being potentially toxic. this is just my opinion, though!
some things that come to mind include:
• nanami would likely exhibit interest by showing concern for you should you be putting yourself through unnecessary stress or danger; normal on the surface, but a yandere is often extreme, so he would take it upon himself to try and eliminate those factors.
• nanami would present himself as someone loyal and consistent in your life. being a hardworking person who takes his interests to heart, he would retain his position in your life no matter what happens, so you come to associate him with always being there for you.
• nanami would remember the little things you do, perhaps keeping trinkets or a log of every time that you did something kind or notable. being a yandere, he would go over this nightly, obsessing over just how perfect you were in his mind.
• nanami would also notice the little things about you, that nobody else does. he knows you the best, after all, no matter what anyone else claims. it would be subtle things, too, like your expressions in reaction to certain things or if you were feeling off, likely knowing the cause as to why.
• nanami would socially engineer you. he worked a normal office salary man job for a while before he returned to jujutsu society, so he became well versed in networking. he’d figure out everything he needs to know about you, adjusting himself to match your wants and needs.
thinking darker though, what could he possibly do to become a more problematic yandere? nanami as a character definitely wouldn’t, but we’re exaggerating him.
• let’s think back to how he would eliminate the stress factors for you—would he kill for you? i’d think so. he’s a sorcerer, so it wouldn’t be something he’s not done before, at least with living things. cursed spirits aren’t too different to stalkers or those with ill intentions.
• would he abduct you to keep you safe? potentially. he would do it subtly though, like insisting that you were in danger and inform you that something happened, so going back home is not advised. he’d accommodate you so well, though. he knows everything about you, after all, so you wouldn’t even want to leave.
• nanami would likely see himself as the only suitable candidate for your affections, so while he allows you to date perhaps, he would slowly eliminate the competition, leaving you thinking that everyone else had ghosted you. unintentional of course, but in a darker imagine, why wouldn’t he jump the opportunity to comfort you?
so yeah, i feel like he has good potential with being a certain type of yandere, since yandere doesn’t always necessarily mean dark romance. if this is a subject you would like to see explored in a one shot or similar, let me know! <3
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I made a post this morning and I deleted it because I feared I wasn’t as eloquent or as kind as I could be. Let me try this again. I do want to be kind, and explain myself well. And it’s not about creating drama, it’s about something I truly care about, and that is worth the post here. (tw grief, fandom talk)
Since I’ve came back, I’ve seen a lot of posts about grief, especially about Shepard’s death, and a lot of comparing squadmates, how they grieve, with the ultimate (weird to me) goal of proving “who grieved the most”. I worry about the way it might impact some of us in fandom who have grieved/are grieving. Because it is very harsh to present one way of grieving as the right way or the most showing of love.
The best way to explain it is by giving an example. In my line of work, I encounter many people who are grieving, and mostly following very difficult circumstances. One woman I know went back to work the following year after losing her loved one. She was in extreme pain, but she reacted as if nothing had happened. People knew of course, but she kept going on and on, and she had a major job at a major corporation. A leader, one that you see speaking at conferences. She did all that for a year. You couldn’t tell she was grieving by looking at her. Another woman lost her loved one, and had difficulty walking the following months after the death. Her pain was visible, the other wasn’t... But I would never think about comparing their pain, or suggesting one was grieving the most or loved the most. Because grief is like that. It can be silent, or not. People have different ways to cope, to move on or not. And it’s a process, not always linear.
I saw my friend who grieved on the tramway home and she was smiling for the most part, but at one point she had tears in her eyes. I don’t need to see the tears to understand that she’s going through something. She can also smile as much as she wants. It doesn’t mean she loved less, cared less or is grieving less than someone else. And so, the way some people are pinpointing one way to grieve as the most showing of love or the realest one is not only inaccurate to me, but also not really considerate of the different ways people might be grieving. Here in this fandom, we also don’t know who is grieving, and how they are coping. And I think many of us see fandom as a fun place, and to keep it as a fun place, we should just respect the different ways we love, care, grieve, etc. And really, the underlying thing behind all this grief talk is about the one favorite character, ship, li… The one who grieved the most, basically, as the most natural choice, the best, the “canon” one. But not everyone has that one preference (which it is, it’s a preference, not a default pick), and honestly, it’s okay. We have to accept that people think differently than us in our fandom, because that’s how we let people carve out a place for themselves. It’s not “one way” and that’s it. And it shouldn’t be like that, because if everyone in fandom thought the same way, it would be boring, and it would be very restricted in a way.
I hope nothing I said here can be seen as hurtful. Making people feel welcome is important to me here. It’s how I get to talk to so many of you, and have fun, and deal with my own grief.
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OH WAIT
in light of me reading the Imbalance comic, where Suki teaches a bunch of non-benders how to chi block, do we think Amon's henchmen who can chi block are like. an unintended consequence of Suki teaching them?? like how apparently Kyoshi originally trained the Dai Li and came to regret it because of how corrupt they became?
#bc cranefish town or w/e is basically the setup for what becomes republic city right??#hm. Interesting#i even thought that while reading the comic#like i understand why she taught them to chi block#but that's something that absolutely would have consequences#and look if there's one thing i think the kyoshi and yangchen novels emphasized it was the Unintended Consequences#the best of intentions can always have the worst consequences#and everyone in the present is paying for decisions that they had nothing to do with#yangchen had to deal with the consequences of a fire avatar being too dedicated to his own nation#kuruk had to deal with the consequences of yangchen neglecting the spirits#kyoshi suffers the consequences of kuruk dying far too early bc (imo) he refused to rely on his friends#the roku novel comes out here soon i think so we'll see about him and what mess kyoshi left him with#aang suffered the consequences of roku not taking care of sozin when he should have#im still too early to say/remember what korra suffers as a consequence of aang#but those are all just the avatar consequences - all the outside consequences#and now consequence(s) doesn't look like a real word anymore lmao#kellyn watches
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having an idea for a game but it's miles above your skill level
#personal#elevator pitch: point and click 2d art-heavy narrative driven game. mc is a scientist in a closed off laboratory in a post apocalyptic worl#player plays as the mc going through a daily routine consisting of taking care of a few patients that are dying of#the zombie plant esque disease that has wiped out humanity. working towards breakthrough day. on which they should#hopefully have managed to recreate the exact circumstances in which patient zero got turned#in hopes to reverse engineer it into a cure#solving puzzles along the way to open up new locations within the labs to piece together what exactly went wrong in the first place#and like!!!!!!!! i know i could do this. realistically i know i could put a game like this together but it's just#the dev heavy stuff that is stopping me because well i am just a game artist JHDGJFDKGJDFGKFDG#all the patients are in different stages of infection and it's all affecting them differently because of different variables#only one of the patients is actually fully lucid and can be spoken to on the daily#but then on breakthrough day they end up taking their own life JUST like patient zero did exactly a year ago#and it turns out that despite showing little symptoms on the outside the plants were taking root inside of them#which has been foreshadowed through earlier gameplay with the patient feeling itchy but not being able to scratch the itch#and on breakthrough day the flowers inside of them bloomed... and it was unbearable so they used the gun that they took#a year ago from patient zero's body (their colleague) to end it all. and THAT is what ends up turning them into a plant zombie#and the player has been working towards getting into the labs where it all started to find patient zero's body and like#get access to the logs of their last few days. and after the patient in the present has passed they listen to the logs#while the credits roll. and patient zero describes very similar symptoms in the logs. and they also couldn't have been saved#ig the patients in this could be some sort of metaphor for like. how illness doesn't always come with (the same) symptoms for everyone#and how even if it's not visible on the outside someone might be struggling a lot etc etc. something in that direction#anyway hi does anyone here see my vision. do you understand what i'm going for. anyway yes i hope i can make it reality one day
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was bored, realised i care more about orufrey than anyone ever, then decided to work out my top 5 otps of all time and give them awards
(below) then i got drunk on power and judged them on even more categories... canon rating.. colour-coded rating (??) .. and the mysterious.. Fated Rating.
orufrey
-canon rating: 4/5
romantic narrative that can be reasonably assumed at this point to be “going somewhere” while technically ““not canon”“. i know what she is doing
-colour-coded: 6/5
no words. designed in perfect and homosexual complements. black & white = yin & yang. black hair white shirt black skirt. white hair black shirt white skirt. also they’re fire & water.. elemental coded. qif’s glasses are black & white too... everything about them represents them as a pair. and they both have gold & blue highlights. what is it going to be, white & black tuxes at the wedding or do witches get married in gowns. just skip to that chapter it’s fine
-fated rating: 5/5
The. Tassels. they chose to live together and entwine their lives around each other. it means MORE that it was choice and not fate. nuff said............... p.s. read my fic
ferdibert
-canon rating: 4/5
they can be implied to get married or they can kill each other depending on YOUR choices. 4 points for the chaos of that. would be 5/5 if the pair ending text wasn’t translated in a homophobic way
-colour-coded: 3/5
orange and black. looks good together so points for that. also those colours mean ferdibert forever to me i don’t care about halloween.
-fated rating: 2/5
they used to hate each other. and with slightly different happenstances in life they end up killing each other (with pathos). but that stuff means something in its own way so it’s fine they’re fine.
suipo
-canon rating: 5/5
they basically end up together and kiss at the ending 💗
-colour-coded: 4.5/5
blue & pink. perfect. beautiful. and they match as perfect complements in other ways too. both are named after sweets. suipo 4ever
-fated rating: 4/5
they just met randomly. BUT... they had to meet... they both needed to meet each other to advance their personal narratives. <3 +2 points for dying and ending up in heaven together cause that’s bonkers
wrightworth
-canon rating: 2/5
NOT CANON.....I GUESS.......i literally forget this though. designed by a BL creator or something and a stupidly gay narrative for Friends so how could you say 0/5 though
-colour-coded: 5/5
another pink & blue. or red & blue more broadly. incredible. great. they match in tons of ways. like the wedding rings that capcom made.
-fated rating: 6/5
childhood friends to whatever they are is worth 3/5 in and of itself, but then so many of their choices are literally about each other in such incredibly pathetically gay ways that it’s truly nuts.
joker/akechi
-canon rating: 2.5/5
i don’t know what to say. the narrative and the heartcrushing 7 minute romantic ending song that haunts my waking moments even now are what they are. i don’t know what to say
-colour-coded: 3/5
well... their colours are both black & red... ? kind of? you could say black/red & black/white. i don’t know. it looks good though.
-fated rating: 4/5
(literally loads of spoilers................... !!!!!!!!) they were quite entirely given their powers on purpose to foil each other. but, akechi wants to be free of narratives and doesn’t want to be entwined with anyone else’s life. next time this’ll be his choice. THAT MAKES IT EVEN MORE....WHAT IT IS. also they’re just obsessed with each other and their songs are about each other and no more what ifs, what matters is how you bring joy to life when i said a false happiness would be enough you softly covered my mouth etc etc etc
orufrey: 15
suipo: 13.5
ferbies: 9
wrightworth: 13
j&a: 9.5
WHY ARE FERBIES LAST???? hubert is going to kill me.....that's ok. the fact that i learnt to draw with you means the world <3
P.S. I LOVE BYLITZA!!!!!! from fe3h. but ones like that are so personal that there's no point saying "i love this" like i love the same thing others love. or something
ok bye
#sometimes uve got to have fun online.#i dont know how to draw anyone but orufrey any more. who are these people#p.s. by persona 3p protag i obviously mean the girl one so it's gay.#i doodled this to put it on twt but it would be weird if ppl RTed something so obviously personal & manic#i feel like i forgot some major ship i massively love. there are lots of others i love btw. even a few het ones... (?!) probably.#i didn't used to be much of a shipper cause i didn't use the internet i didn't see fanart i didn't draw. for years of my adult life.#sometimes i get really obsessed with something bc of the time i encounter it. like those two from good omens really got to me#i should do a takarazuka-only version of these. suipo vs everyone else. i've drawn couples interacting and fighting before :')#i like my ferdibert & orufrey crossover comic doodles. for the audience that is me. i like thinking about double date failures.#it really is weird/interesting that i do care about orufrey SO much and draw them SO much but there are ones i dont wanna draw.#^ the commentator (me) watching my award show presented by me for me
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funny thing is I don't really have any interest in hoarding knowledge or resources for myself in any way, I'm just bad at publishing stuff because I feel like that'd require a bit more stringent quality control than what I might expect of something made largely for my own use.
sometimes I think maybe I should set up something like a google drive or a git or something to just throw my personal- and work-in-progress stuff for people who are interested, but I dunno what limits for space or bandwidth or anything are like.
like I'm sure some people would possibly find the ColorSet unpacker python script useful?? It kinda sucks through and I want to make a better version of it and maybe one that could work as a standalone executable instead? and possibly a packer counterpart to the unpacker?? But also I keep thinking like "would this even be useful to anyone lmao??"
in theory you could probably make some kind of art program plugin that does all of this for you - even the bit with loading actual colorset information into layered colorset pairs, but I mean that's a lot of effort and I still largely use a 20+ year old version of Paint Shop Pro myself so...
#honestly the thing is i think more people should be able to do what i do#whether that is posing or model editing or whatever#keeping the knowledge exclusive only aid those who seek profit#while making it public empowers us all to create#imo that's what real democratisation of art is#giving everyone access to the tools and the knowledge involved#and hoping that if they come up with some new ideas or techniques#they too will give it back to the community for everyone's benefit#there's that expression about standing on the shoulders of giants#but look the great man theory of history is kinda bullshit#we're not standing on the shoulders of giants#we're standing on the shoulders of all of humanity#both those past and present#this is why i love openly collaborative environments#like open source or a lot of modding scenes or the like#sure you still get clashing egos and drama and whatever#but there's this idea that if we openly share our work then we all benefit#it's a rejection of the singular great man#the one visionary auteur#and instead embracing our community-driven nature#look this is something of an ideological thing for me ok#i suck at sharing stuff not because i think sharing is bad#but because i think the things i do aren't good enough#i know that's a silly thing to feel#but i still feel it#emotions care little for reason
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Ough I fucking hate holidays because it is my duty as a child to visit my parents and just take whatever the fuck happens to me.
#oh wow i cant wait to have to endure an unspecified amount of time of getting told to leave and never come back and being informed that#everyone felt so much better without me there; and immediately after that getting told 'Where do you think youre going?! Are you nuts?!'#when i try to leave. since when someone tells me that i shouldnt have come and that im a burden i do in fact assume that i should leave#ill be day drinking from the moment i wake up again. i hate that. it always happens when i am forced to visit my parents#for more than a day#it is impossible to take it while feeling present. feeling out of it and not there helps. it makes everything hurt less#it makes me want to throw up. it makes me want to do nothing but run for several days. not because of disgust and not because of anxiety#but simply because i know that the most important topic of all the conversation will be peoples looks.#simply because there is a correct way to look in the eyes of my mother and there is a way to be safe from her and others violence#and those two things both rely on reducing yourself into nothing. so looking at food makes me want to puke. looking at milk#makes me want to puke. and i hate it. i hate it because i just want to be happy and i dont want to make my health even worse#than it already is but what am i supposed to do when the alternative is getting hurt? what then; huh?#theyll tear my body to pieces no matter what; its just a matter of getting torn apart in a good way. of letting them be disgusting in a#way they think is flattering. theyll all tear everyones body to pieces of course#every imperfection and flaw microanalysed exaggerated and then judged until it has been concluded that X and Y are horrible rotten people#because they *checks notes* have overgrown nails and are 5 pounds heavier than you#when im there for a day i tend to skip eating for the next two days or so#im worried about my health considering i dont know for how long ill be there this time#shell tear me to pieces. she always does. my grandma will too. my father will at least have the grace to just yell some slurs if i fail#to perform to his satisfaction. man i dont even care about being called the r word anymore. he can call me that all he wants#it stings but its nothing im not aware of. i know that im stupid and i know that im too dependent and i know that im useless and cant do#anyhing and i know that i disappointed everyone because they all thought i could do better.#thats fine. i know that im weak and i know that im a pansy baby and i know that thats why ill be getting something to cry about.#thats all fine. im ok with that. its one and done and it was way worse when i was a kid.#my father is pretty ok. but getting torn to shreds by my mother and her mother sticks with me. it always does.#im worried shell hurt me again. ill do something incorrectly. ill ask her for clarification one too many times. ill breathe too loud.#ill fail to notice the way shes holding herself (angry). ill fail to notice the tone of her steps (enraged). ill fail to apologise#for something i hadnt known i did. and then shell hurt me. shell hurt me again#and ill just have to stand there and take it like the good child im not and could never be because nobody could ever be considered good by#my mother. ill have to stand there and take it because thats my duty as a child and ill have to say 'im sorry' even though ill be the one
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nigel would have been so fucking mad, but more than that- so fucking disappointed in you if he was still alive, jake.
#i hope the guilt of hurting all the black people you know in your life haunts you till you rot.#the fact you think its okay to be the pos bigot you are now is bc all you ever got for what you did to me was a slap on the wrist.#too many people let you get by with doing too much fucking shit.#i hope you jump off a cliff atp. im tired of holding out hope for your decency as a human. ik you dont have it.#even as a kid you were talking about how you know how to manipulate women to get your way. that alone tells me everything about#how you think. you dont care about shit. you never cared about your black friends.#it was all for clout. and now that you're not in school anymore you dont have to keep pretending to care bc you dont need the clout#anymore. everything you ever fucking did was for clout.#if you really cared about me like you pretend to why did you act like i was inherently defective? why did you act like i was gross and#weird? why did you convince everyone i was lame but to 'tolerate me' when you could have just presented me normally without shitting on me#and even still- in spite of your efforts to convince your friends that im some gross weirdo they should avoid and only tolerate-#two of them still wanted to fuck. so.#the reason you present me as below you is because of the clout. you know im nicer than you. you know i dont have to rely on being#an asshole bigot to be funny like you. you know i actually have some fucking talent- so you gotta act like theres something inherently#wrong with me to put me below you bc god forbid anyone threaten the status of your self erected pedestal you stand on.#im not the reason you have no talents or hobbies. i literally gave you my electric piano bc i thought you actually cared about shit for#once but no- you did THAT for clout too. you're such a fucking narcissist its so painfully obvious.
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older!rafe and sensitive!reader spending the holidays together
18+ mdni!
c/w: fluff, her ovulating and being horny, smut: p-in-v, slight breeding kink, use of dad
wc: 1.5k
ugh i’ve missed this man
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“Why is he doin’ that shit?”
“Rafe, it’s a rom-com,” she reasons, practically glued to him on their couch with the way she keeps shifting closer and closer, almost unconsciously at this point.
“Yeah, a shitty one. Why was it necessary to do a whole fuckin’ speech at the mall? He couldn’t jus’ I dunno, tell her how he felt?” he scoffs, clearly fed up with the entire film already.
She can’t stop the bubbly laughter from escaping her when she looks over to his scowling face. “I mean, this is actually getting kinda weird…why’s everyone watching them?”
“Yeah, ‘n why are they still on that fuckin’ stage?” he grumbles while the couple is now fully making out on the TV screen.
“Please don’t ever do anything like that to me.”
“Yeah, was actually gonna ask, you, uh, you wanna go shoppin’ tomorrow?”
“No!” she giggles before taking a sip of the hot chocolate she’d made for herself (because Rafe deliberately told her he didn’t want any) but the minute she’d sat down with the mug in hand, he’d wanted to try it, which ended up with him drinking nearly half of it.
“Oh shit, forgot to give you this earlier, look what I got you today,” he suddenly murmurs.
“Hm?” her eyes flit over to his face; momentarily distracted by his pretty features as he searches for something from the back pocket of his pants. Then, he’s pulling a golden necklace from a velvety box.
“That looks really expensive,” she nervously mumbles, pausing the TV in order to concentrate on the heart-shaped locket he’s holding out to her.
“You deserve the fuckin’ world, it was nothin’ alright? Can think of it as an early Christmas present if it makes you feel better,” he rolls his eyes, almost exasperated that she still can’t seem to comprehend the fact that he��enjoys spending his money on her.
“It’s so beautiful,” she croons as she inspects the piece of jewelry with careful fingertips, heart swelling in her chest at the sentiment— recalling how she’d mentioned something about thinking pendants like these were adorable maybe once.
“Yeah? You like it?”
“I love it. Wait, you had your initials carved into it too? That’s so cute, Ray, what the hell?” she feels her eyes grow watery because her boyfriend really is her favorite person in the whole wide world for a reason.
“Yeah, know you’re into sappy shit like that, ‘n you can put m’picture inside too ‘n you’ll always have me with you or whatever the fuck.”
“Shut up, you’re so sweet! I love you,” she exclaims before she’s wrapping her arms around his neck— climbing into his lap in the process while he murmurs into her hair how he apparently ‘loves her more’, which she thinks is not possible.
“Let me put it on you?” he says before he’s swiping away some strands in order to clasp the locket around her neck. “Look so pretty with m’name on you.”
“Wait, you should have my name on you too,” she jokingly utters out next.
“Been thinkin’ about gettin’ it tattooed actually,” he admits, completely serious, which makes her face scrunch up.
“You’re not getting my name tattooed on you— you’re crazy,” she softly hits his chest. However, he can barely even feel it because she really doesn’t have a single violent bone in her body.
“Yeah, crazy ‘bout you,” he grins, eliciting an airy giggle from her.
Knowing she’s about to complain about him being weird again, he shuts her up with a press of his mouth against hers— a surprised noise leaving her when she’s momentarily taken aback by the sudden cushion of his lips.
And it’s sloppy, the way they slot together like puzzle pieces when she opens up for him, but both of them prefer it that way.
His kiss was meant to be something sweet but soon enough she’s rutting against him— whimpering into his mouth as if it’s been years since the last time they did this. And all too soon for her liking, he’s pulling away.
“Somethin’ you want?”
“…no,” she lies through her teeth.
“No? Jus’ uh, humpin’ me like a bitch in heat for no reason then, hm?” he raises his brows; eyes fixed on her frustrated features.
“Ray...” she huffs out; a frown already forming on her spit-slicked lips.
“Yeah?” he asks, giving her a soft peck as encouragement.
“Want you…” she pants against his mouth.
“But m’right here?” the furrow of his brows displays faux confusion.
“You know what I mean,” she whines; shifting around in his lap some more.
“M’afraid I don’t. If there’s somethin’ you want, you gonna have to tell me,” the edge of his mouth curls annoyingly when he decides to toy with her, always finding so much entertainment from her struggle.
However, she merely grants him another whine.
“Wha’s up with you today, hm? So fuckin’ needy, actin’ like you haven’t been fucked in a month when you were literally cryin’ on m’cock last night?” he murmurs while thumbing at her pouty bottom lip.
“I don’t know…jus’ need you so bad,” her eyes begin to gloss over when he’s still not giving her what she so desperately craves.
“Baby, there’s no need to cry, yeah?” he sticks his thumb past her lips; an attempt to placate her, even if he thinks she never looks prettier than with her eyes all wet and forlorn.
“You’re ovulatin’ right now, aren’t ya?” his brain finally fits together the very telltale signs as he plucks his phone from the coffee table— opening the app that tracks her period cycle.
“Think so, yeah,” she mumbles, mindlessly sucking on the digit resting on her tongue as she sniffles.
It’s no surprise to either of them when his assumption proves to be right.
“Think you need me to fuck a baby in you, s’that it? Wanna make me a real daddy?” he croons.
“Mhm…want you,” her words are muffled around his thumb.
“I know, sweetheart. Don’t want anyone but you carryin’ m’kids— think about knockin’ you up so fuckin’ often, you know?”
“You do?”
“Yeah, know you’d be such a good mom.”
“You think? I think you’d be the best dad, sometimes wish you were my dad,” she rambles mindlessly, the conversation suddenly teetering on the edge of something else entirely.
“Shit, such an angel face ‘n then there’s this rotten mind inside, huh?” he tuts in disapproval, appearing disgusted as if he doesn’t get even harder in response to her words— something raw, primitive stirring in the pit of his stomach whenever she says things like that.
“M’sorry dad,” she offers him an impish smile.
“Someone’s in a mood today?” he chuckles, narrowing his eyes in a playful manner.
“Can you take off your pants?” she complains while attempting to loosen his belt but with her mind buzzing like a honeybee it’s proving to be a rather demanding.
“Can’t do anythin’ without dad’s help, can you? Go on, let’s see if you can take me out by yourself, yeah?” he rasps out, tone challenging.
“No, need your help, daddy, I can’t—”
“Shit, you’re fuckin’ pathetic,” he murmurs, somehow managing to turn something so patronizing into something affectionate as he swats away her helpless hands and yanks the belt open himself.
“See? Not that fuckin’ hard, was it?” he mutters out as his thumb slips out of her mouth before he’s pulling himself out. And even if he’s not even fully hard yet, and she’s seen it more times than she can count, she’s still mesmerized by the sight— eyes rounding out while she simply stares as if she’s under some spell.
“You’re so pretty,” she blinks at him, eyes moony.
“Still not tired of seein’ it, huh?”
She shakes her head.
And since she’s not wearing any pants (as usual), he only has to tug the fabric of her underwear to the side in order to reveal her messy cunt.
“Ray…” she whines when he merely smears the drippy head over her folds; thudding it against her clit to get her to whimper some more.
“Hm? Want it inside? Wha’s the magic word?” he looks at her with something amused twinkling in his eyes.
“Please. Dad, it hurts,” she sniffles, desperately trying to rub against him in an attempt to alleviate the ache.
“Hurts? Think you bein’ a little dramatic, no?” he lets out a breathy chuckle, making her huff out in frustration.
“M’not, Ray, please, need you so bad,” wet droplets stain her cheeks while she tries to uselessly blink them away.
“Shh, s’okay. Dad’s bein’ mean again, isn’t he? M’sorry, baby, I’ll give you what you want, yeah?” his voice is a deep rumble before he’s finally tucking the tip into her weepy cunt, causing both of them to moan in tandem when she practically sucks him in— his fingerprints denting the skin of her thighs when he aids her movements to his liking.
“Yeah? That what you wanted? Always such a tight fuckin’ fit, huh?” he grunts against her mouth; hips meeting hers halfway as he stuffs himself deeper.
“Mm, I love you,” she whimpers— practically feeling him in her guts as his cock pokes at the spongy spot inside her while his big hands help situate her on top of him, and she thinks this might just be heaven on earth.
#did i write this a few weeks ago while *i*was ovulating?#no (yes)#older!rafe#rafe fanfiction#rafe cameron#rafe obx#rafe outer banks#rafe x reader#older!rafe cameron#outerbanks rafe#obx rafe cameron#rafe smut#rafe fluff#rafe imagine#rafe fic#rafe cameron smut#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron outer banks#rafe cameron x female reader#rafe cameron x y/n#rafe cameron obx#rafe cameron au#rafe cameron scenarios#rafe cameron fluff#rafe cameron fic#rafe cameron blurb#rafe blurb#rafe au
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another random thing that stands out to me rewatching Steven Universe as an adult:
throughout the show there's this clear Vibe that Steven has inherited some big magical destiny, right? and it makes sense narratively: he's the son of Rose Quartz, leader of the rebellion, now being raised by her friends who were the last remaining survivors of an interstellar war. he's like a human child in most ways, except he has magical powers that start to become more obvious as he's getting older. no one like him has ever existed before. it's a big deal. raising him and figuring out how he's going to grow is its own unique challenge, because nobody knows what to expect. so of course there's this magical destiny vibe, given all that.
What's interesting to me, though, is that this magical destiny is in no way literally, physically present in the story, it's just something everyone kinda feels. Like, there's not some ancient prophecy about a half-gem, half-human savior. He's not the Chosen One in any literal sense, he just happens to give off Chosen One vibes. And I say that's interesting because it means that the fact he was kinda raised with this Chosen One vibe is completely a decision everyone around him made, for better or for worse. And the show is aware of this, because the weight of Rose's legacy and everyone's expectations of him is a constant theme, and as Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl all grow and develop, they also realize the downsides of them putting those expectations on a child. Like, Steven spends his whole childhood being told about how great Rose was, and how because he's inherited her gem he will probably inherit her powers - and that's not necessarily a bad thing. Imagine how awful things could have been if Steven had no exposure to the Gems and no knowledge of what they were or how they worked, and then his powers started coming in? It was hard enough even when he was surrounded by the most qualified Gem Experts on Earth. But being primed for all of this "you're going to have your mother's magical powers" stuff put a heavy weight on his shoulders, and then the fact that nobody else quite knew how his abilities worked meant he was constantly faced with the adults in his life looking to him with concern because they didn't know what was happening with him. That's gotta leave an impression on a kid - and, well, throughout the show and especially in SU Future we definitely see that it does.
I like the way the show handles the pressure that's put on him, and the fact that everyone is just... trying their best in a completely unprecedented situation. Nobody knows what to do or how to raise this kid, and that inevitably causes problems but everyone is trying. And Steven can feel that everyone is trying without knowing what to do and he just wants to help and not be a burden and none of his caretakers have said that he's a burden but he can feel everyone's confusion and concern and the expectations he's not living up to and he cares so much, about everyone, about everything. He's in an extremely unique position that grants him opportunities to help that nobody else has, and he feels like he's failing everyone if he can't fulfill that, and in the end it never should have been his job to fix things but somebody had to try. Somebody had to try, and he was one of the only people with the ability to stop the Diamonds, stop the war, stop the lies, stop his world and everyone on it from being destroyed... and he was just a kid.
#i feel so protective of this kid watching as an adult like holy shit#so much terrible shit happens to him. it's nobody's fault. it's everybody's fault.#it's destiny but it's a choice. it's necessary but it's really not. it's all about steven but it never actually was.#the show handles the contradictory nature of things well i think. everyone's feelings and relationships are complex and nuanced#ghost speaks#steven universe
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I think people need to understand that when someone says the situation in Israel/Palestine is complicated they are not necessarily saying that the discussion of who the oppressor vs oppressed is complicated. The Israeli government has been oppressing the Palestinians for a very long time, that is clear, and it is not complicated to understand that at least since the 80s they have had dramatically more financial and military power to keep control of the territory in the way they like.
However, it is reductive and dismissive to insist that there is no complexity in the potential ways to move forward to bring peace to the region. Despite what people on tumblr.edu like to believe, "Israel should never have been created" is not a practical solution to an incredibly heated geopolitical situation in the present day. Israel was created and it does exist. 10 million people live there. 74% of the population is native born and the country has existed for 75 years. Hand waving these fact away with the opinion that "they should move back to where they came from" may make you feel good about being a Radical Leftist, but it does not give anyone a road map for how exactly millions of people without dual citizenship are supposed to just up and evaporate. Nor does it acknowledge the reality that 21% of Israelis are Arabs, the very people you are claiming to want to give the land back to.
Insisting that there's nothing complicated about expecting an entire country's population to willingly dissappear with no consequences is not a productive way to think about this conflict. It ignores the many massive superpowers that have an interest in proping up different states in the region, the power dynamics involved in any land back movements, and the inevitably negative consequences of totally dissolving an established state without a plan. It is also completely and almost comically unrealistic, so much so that it makes it hard to believe that anyone who's opinion starts and ends with this idea really gives a shit about anyone who lives in the area as much as they care about their online leftist clout.
There's nothing complicated in understanding that the Israeli government is and has been maintaining an oppressive apartheid state for decades. It is, however, very complicated to come up with a realistic way to resolve some of the most intricately entangled land disputes on the planet without plunging the region into total chaos. Not everyone has to be deeply educated on every geopolitical situation, but it is very hard to take people seriously when they know nothing about the politics or history of a region and yet insist that there is nothing complicated about it at all.
There's a lot of people on this website who are getting dangerously smug about their own ignorance, and are starting to go down Qanon type anti-intellectual paths in the name of being sufficiently radical. Not knowing the details of a very convoluted land dispute isn't something to brag about online as you call for intentionally reductive solutions. You can support the Palestinian cause and be aware of the oppression they have faced while also holding off on calling people trying to do real analysis and de-escalation work bootlickers. We need to get control of the urge to fit every global issue into a simplistic YA novel narrative structure that appeals to Western revolutionary fantasies.
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jungkook fic recs! 💘 part 2
𖤐 Champagne Confetti ⋆ j.jk - @busanboykoo (“you won't regret me, champagne confetti” or maybe just jungkook wants you to tell him what you want him to do to you.)
𖤐 oh how you love longhair!jungkook . . . - @twilghtkoo
𖤐 Your boyfriend looks a little too good in his police uniform. - @badbtssmut
𖤐 e s p r e s s o - @joonberriess (boxer!jk)
𖤐 trippin' over, gettin' lost on you | jjk (m) - @euphorajeon (a visit to the coffee shop you work at rewards jeongguk not only with a cup of coffee and a plate of brownie, but also with something else simmering deep in his veins. a challenge is issued, and all hell breaks loose.)
𖤐 Don’t Blame Me | sugar daddy!jungkook one-shot au - @ctrlsht (You can have everything you want and need as long as you have Jeon Jungkook by your side. You were enjoying everything that Jungkook gives you and as long as you’re with him. You’re sure to yourself that you will never fail him but he was the one who failed you. Everything is fine until he gets too much.)
𖤐 WELCOME TO THE HEARTBREAK SHOW ── jungkook - @numinousher (you’re in love with your partner in class that everyone fears (and loves) due to his stoic facial expression and the way he rejects girls rather harshly. as you get to know him, will he be able to handle your heart that you so willingly gave him to care for or, will he break it due to his hatred for people who are in love with him?)
𖤐 It’s hard to stop but once it starts, it starts - @byuljoonie
𖤐 concrete king. (m) jjk - @bratkook (when a cute boy in a tacky hawaiian shirt lands a trick in your honor theres no way you could ever say no to him)
𖤐 baecation - @1kook (“Lose the top, or lose the right to present yourself in any low back gown for the next three months.” He truly knew the way to your heart.)
𖤐 test your morality (jungkook) - @trivia-yandere (jungkook's morality is tested when he's woken from his unconscious state to find you - his best friend - bound before him.)
𖤐 Needy | jjk oneshot - @jkslipppiercing (your boyfriend often helps you set up for your weekly girls' night...what happens when he gets needy for you only 15 minutes before your girl friends arrive?)
𖤐 ESCAPISM | JJK - @wnderkoo (୨୧ lipstick smudged like modern art..)
𖤐 Vérités Cachées (JJK) - @bangtanficsforyou (You try to make an escape from a beast, that you happen to have encountered while on a vacation with your boyfriend.)
𖤐 lonely hearts club (m) - @dovechim (jeon jeongguk has annoying little brother energy™. you know this deep in your bones. wedding after wedding, you keep running into him at the goddamn singles’ table, and he just won’t leave you alone. until you start to wonder... is he your ticket out of the lonely hearts club?)
𖤐 By Its Cover (M) - @gimmesumsuga (The one where Jungkook makes a horrifically bad first impression.)
𖤐 The Deepest Marks of Essence - @lleldey (When you found yourself circled by a tribe, you never thought it would lead you to tap into your deepest wants and desires. You are the oldest child, the example of how one should act at all costs, but if you ever manage to escape this maze and if your story ever becomes told, you’ll never be looked at the same. But it’s hard to regret it when your nights are spent with gentle caresses and starry midnight skies. You got everything you secretly longed for, but at what cost?)
𖤐 every hour, every minute. (m) - @aajjks (jungkook can be an animal when it comes to fucking you sensless.)
𖤐 ONCE AGAIN, MILAN ! - (nsfw) - @frmisnow (what happens when you and jungkook find yourselves once again in milan, this time with no business attached — well a hol' lotta sex for sure!)
#jungkook#jungkook fanfiction#bts fanfiction#jungkook angst#bts angst#jungkook fic recs#bts fic recs#jungkook x reader#bts jungkook#jungkook series#jungkook fanfic#jeon jungkook x reader#jungkook smut#jungkook fic#jungkook recs#jeon jungkook#jeon jungguk#jungkook imagine#yandere jungkook#jungkook reader#jungkook x y/n#jungkook x yn
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My miracle
Anthony Bridgerton x reader
summary: Anthony’s wife is in labor and it’s not looking good
warnings: mentions of death
“Where is she?” the loud voice of Anthony was heard in the entire mansion. The door he opened slammed into the wall but he couldn’t care less as he saw some servants running his way to take off his coat. “Tell me where my wife is!”
“My apologies, my Lord.” the poor man trembled under the Lord’s menacingly glare, that were just a cover for the worry and fear that was running though his veins. “The Viscountess is in your chambers. The midwife and your mother are already present with her. Shall I inform your brothers to come and wait with you until the child is born?”
Anthony didn’t bother to respond. He quickly climbed the stairs, two steps at once, seeing with wide eyes as the maids ran to his room with towels in their hands. He doesn't even settle for knocking, immediatly opening the bedroom door. None of his mother's stories could have prepared him for the sight that lay ahead.
His darling wife was drenched in sweat, dressed in her nightdown. One hand was on her round belly protectively while the other was in his mother’s hands, who was whispering words of comfort. Her jaw was clenched in pain and it was only then that he noticed the midwife between the Viscountess legs.
“You!” Y/n screamed accusingly, managing to point a finger at Anthony with hatred. “You did this to me! You will never ever put your hands on me again!”
“I-” Anthony was at loss of words. He knew that his wife was in pain, and looking like she was ready to kill, so he just nodded his head in agreement. He took slow hesitant steps towards the bed, hoping to comfort her without dying. “I’ll never touch you again, my love. How are you feeling?”
“How do you think I’m feeling? I’m pushing your child that inherited your big head out of my lady parts! So tell me, my dear husband, how am I feeling?”
“Like you are giving birth?”
“Anthony...” his mother whispered while shaking her head in dispair. “You should leave the room. Your brothers must be coming to keep you company. We shall call you when the child is born.”
“I’m not leaving my wife.” was the only thing he said with firmity, holding Y/n’s hand and kissing her soft skin gently.
She turned to him, a change in her demeanor, eyes full of tears of terror. “I’m scared, Anthony. It hurts.”
“I know it hurts. It’s okay, love. You will be alright and then we will have our child with us.” he whispered. A feeling of guilt washed through him. How could he have made his wife suffer through childbirth? “You are the bravest person I know. So so much braver than me and everyone else. I’m so proud of you.”
"I can't do this. It hurts too much. Make it stop, Anthony, please." Y/n cried.
It was only then that Anthony saw the look in his mother. She was worried, exchanging looks with the midwife. And as much as the Viscount would like to also show his anguish, his first priority was to comfort Y/n. "It's going to be okay, my love. Just a little longer, you're being so strong."
But she no longer had the strength to respond. It was getting harder and harder to keep her eyes open and she just wanted to sleep to escape the pain. Between her legs, an increasingly larger pool of blood was forming. Anthony's eyes were wide and there was enormous pressure in his chest. It felt like I was running out of oxygen, and it only got worse when Y/n finally gave in to unconsciousness.
"What's happening?" he whispered, looking in alarm first at Violet. Afterwards, he turned to the midwife furiously. "What's wrong with her? Help her! Do something!"
"Anthony, you need to leave." Violet advised, trying to remain calm for everyone's sake. Anthony was becoming more and more desperate, tears falling from his eyes as he grabbed his wife's hand tighter and brought it to his lips.
"I'm not going anywhere!"
"Viscount Bridgerton, the baby is in pain. You won't want to see what I'm going to do. I promise I'll try to save both of them." the midwife said, taking a small knife and flying it over Y/n's stomach.
"If you need to choose, save my wife's life." Anthony begged, now more desperate as his mother called his brothers to take him out of the room.
"Anthony..."
"No, mother, you save my wife's life!" Benedict and Collin grabbed the man by the arms and began to carry him outside, despite Anthony's struggle. "You hear me! My wife is going to survive! Let me go! Mother, save Y/n!" he shouted before the door closed in his face.
The last thing he saw was the woman making the cut on Y/n's stomach, who woke up with a jolt. She then let out a scream that would torment Anthony for the rest of his life.
With a cry of anger mixed with sadness, Anthony broke free from his brothers' grip and put his hands to his face. He didn't want to think about the possibility of losing the love of his life. He simply couldn't take it.
"Wow, Anthony, calm down." Collin whispered when Anthony, in a rage, threw a punch against the wall. "The Viscountess is a fighter. If anyone is capable of overcoming this, it's her."
"You don't tell me to calm down, Collin. Not when my wife is in that room fighting for her life over something I did." he cried, jaw shaking and eyes red that only showed the immense pain he was in. He sat on the floor, leaning his head back and looking at the ceiling. "I need her to live."
"And she will live, brother. I will bring a drink, and we will wait together for news." Benedict said, rushing to bring the alcohol when Y/n's screams became louder.
On one hand, each scream was like a stab in the heart of Anthony, who was increasingly pale and looked like he was going to vomit at any moment. On the other, it was the only way to know she was alive.
Moments passed. The Viscount didn't know if it had been seconds, minutes or hours. Things seemed to be getting mixed up in his mind. Nothing made sense, not when the love of his life was in the next room in pain and he was away from her. He had to protect her, it was his obligation as a husband. And he failed.
And then came the moment when Anthony's heart stopped. A baby's cry was heard, and he allowed himself to smile a little. He had a son or daughter. A mini version of his wife. And then he burst into tears when Y/n stopped screaming and everything became too silent.
It was uncontrollable. He cried without being able to stop, making it even difficult to breathe in. Anthony refused to believe that he would have to raise this child without Y/n. Without her affection, her kindness, her love. He didn't want to open his eyes and realize that all this wasn't a nightmare, but reality.
Benedict and Collin didn't know what to do. But one thing was certain, they would be there to help Anthony with whatever he needed and never let that child forget the wonderful mother he had. Then, Violet left the room holding a pile of blankets that held the baby.
"You have a daughter, Anthony."
He just cried more. His body was shaking and he couldn't even look at his mother and the baby. "Y/n... Is she...?" He took Violet's silence as a yes. "Oh god..."
"Enter the room, Anthony. She is waiting for you."
Anthony had never stood up so quickly in his life. He quickly opened the door, stopping momentarily when he saw the amount of blood on the sheets, but the most important thing was Y/n's half-open eyes. She was alive and looking around the room in confusion.
"Anthony? Where is my baby?" her voice was hoarse and extremely weak.
The man fell to his knees at the edge of her bed, and lowered his head to rest on her chest. A feeling of relief spread throughout his body when he felt the rising and falling movement of her chest, indicating that she was breathing and that it wasn't just his imagination.
"I love you so much." he cried, feeling her hands start stroking his hair. "I'm sorry. You were so brave and strong. I'm so proud of you, my love."
"Where is my baby?" Y/n didn't want to seem like she didn't appreciate Anthony's words because that was a lie. He was the most important person in her life. But at that moment, Y/n just wanted to know where her baby was.
"She's right here, dear." Violet reassured with a smile, announcing her presence.
Very carefully, she passed the child into the arms of her son's wife, her smile widening as the little family was finally together again. The new parents had a gentle smile as they looked at their creation, a new love emerging for this fragile human being.
Anthony kissed Y/n's temple. "We have a daughter."
"She is beautiful."
"She takes after her mother." Anthony quickly said, never feeling so much love as he did in that moment.
He was extremely proud of Y/n admiring her strength and courage. Now, he was going to protect his two girls until the end of his life. Nothing was more important than his family.
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