#but through some of these other routes.... the way his depression and trauma show from losing rika so suddenly really make me feel like ther

[lunabug2004]

You said that according to you there is a way to make Mileven stay together and have all the characters have a good arc at the end of the show. Could you develop that? cause in my opinion if Mike's arc is about falling in love , changing his personality after meeting a girl and at the end being the protective paladin to "fix" his bad behaviour then it's really bad writing (coming from a straight person)

I'm going to be completely honest here, which I hope is what you want lol, I do think I say this (sans the "good arcs" part bc I don't think I've ever said that there's a way to make Mileven happen where all the characters have good arcs) to more-or-less make myself feel better bc I have so much Byler doubt (& Mike love) so yeah, take this as you will, this is just what my brain has come up with as an arc(?) I could mostly cope with. I mean, there's a reason I put "(mostly) happy" but yes, I'll try to expand.

I love Mike and I have a feeling I will continue to love Mike whether Mileven or Byler is endgame. This is purely because I do not believe Mike is a bad person or bad character just bc he's made some bad decisions/said some things he (canonically) regrets. I don't think Mike would be a protective paladin to simply "fix" his "bad behavior". While I do agree that this wouldn't be the best writing choice, I think, in-context, he would be trying his best to keep everyone he loves alive. He is an extremely traumatized teenage boy whose biggest fear is losing those he loves. He has been smack-dab in the middle of the action until s4. Finn Wolfhard himself has said Mike is depressed and pushing everyone away bc of it.

Anyways, all of this to say that I don't think it'd be too farfetched to say all of his "bad behavior" is simply untreated trauma symptoms. And yes, you could say something about other characters being traumatized and them not acting like Mike, but trauma, and this is a fact, effects everyone differently. One person may lean into their life before going through said trauma, like Will in s3, while another may block it out, like it's shown with El in s4, and another may completely change themselves while being stuck in a loop of wanting those he loves close to him but also wanting to keep them at a distance bc he is so terrified of losing them. Dr. Owens even says in s2 that a sign of PTSD is change in personality and lashing out, which we see both in Mike. Plus all the parallels bt him and Max in s4, it's safe to say this boy is struggling mentally.

I do think it would make sense, when we finally get Mike's POV in s5, for a lot of his controversial moments to be fueled by his mental health struggle. Now, do I think this is an excuse? Not necessarily, but it does make sense, and as far as I know, anytime Mike's actively made anyone upset he's apologetic (like I said earlier, lashing out). I believe that if the show solely focuses on Mike's mental health issues, then Mileven wouldn't be out of the question.

I do want to add that this is not how I want the story to go, I would much rather his story go the Byler route, but I've said before that his character is not solely dependent on either Byler or Mileven, and I still stand by that. He should not simply be seen as a 'romantic interest' character bc he is more than that and he has his own problems (that we aren't necessarily shown) that have nothing to do with who he's in a romantic relationship with.

Now, again, this is probably mostly just something I've convinced myself I'd be alright with, but I am aware that this in and of itself would be boring and not very good writing. I also do not know, in this case, what would happen on the Byler side of things, this why I say "(mostly)". I am fully a Byler shipper and would prefer Byler endgame to anything really, but I'm a Mike-stan first and foremost.

Sorry if this wasn't too clear, I feel like I just rambled and repeated myself a lot. Thanks for the ask, though! And pls if you or anyone else has questions about anything I said, pls ask me! Trust me, I know this isn't foolproof and I'm probably just dumb 😂

TLDR: I think it's possible they could go more towards untreated PTSD and trauma/mental health related route for Mike in a way that would make Mileven possible. Doesn't mean I'd think it's necessarily good writing, but I could see it going that way.

[kamiko1234]

Dating Sim Isekai AU

Another brainrot for Blue Exorcist but this time the fic is Shiemi centric.

Through some demon-ritual shenanigans Shieme along with her friends get's isekaid into a dating sim world but only she remembers her previous life. She get's the info that if she found everyone of her friends and made them all remember their previous lives they'd get to return. She has like a diary explaining everything to her and what 'routes' she can take.

The roles are as following :

Shiemi is the only daughter of an archduke in a corrupt and evil country.

Izumo and Paku would be minor villains. They are sisters in the fantasy world and also children of an archduke. They'd be jealous of how Shiemi get's all this attention from the 'love interests'.

Shima is a 'love interest' , he's the son of a duke. he takes the role of the flirty badboy.

Bon is also a 'love interest', but he's the tsundere type. He's the child of a viscount.

Rin and Yukio can be either love interests or the big bad depending on the 'route' you choose. They are princes of the country and Satan is the king. If you choose one brother the other becomes the villain. If you choose non they both become the big bads.

Rin is the crown prince. During a 'villain' route he'd be the two faced jerk who at first acts all sweetly and nice but then turns on Shiemi if she chooses anyone but him. Rin is raised as Satan's heir in this and was pretty much teached that he deserves everything aslong as he is strong enought to simply take it. He and Yukio are both yandere-ish and when Shiemi 'chooses' anyone else. Rin would just try to force Shiemi to love him. In the 'love interest' route Shiemi teaches Rin the wrongs of his way and helps him deal with all the trauma he got from growing up with Satan.

Yukio in the villain route would be the one with the really depressing past. He always stood in Rin's shadows since his father percieved him as weak and was pretty much negelected. He was also kept seperated from Rin as they grew up. When Shiemi comes along he just clinges to the first person to show him any love. He just ends up like Rin with trying to force Shiemi to choose him. In the 'love interest' route Shiemi , much like with Rin, teaches him to deal with his issues and get over his posessiveness.

When Shiemi chooses neither the two brothers just go off the deep end. They are basicalliy like ''well if I can't have you, no one will" and try to murdere Shiemi.

 Konekomaru is the son of a baron and a supporting role.

At the beginning it's angst for Shiemi because she's basically stuck in a completly diffrent world with non of her friends remembering her and two of them running the risk of trying to kill her if she chooses wrong. Later on it moves to hurt/comfort and even comedy when her friends start to remember one by one and they get to explore and witness this new world together.

Rin would be the last to get his memories back while Izumo and Paku were the first ones. Rin would also be the hardest to get a hand on since he's the crown prince and his father has a firm grasp on him.

(And if she was quite honest, some part of Shiemi really liked to idea of Rin basically being guaranteed to fall in love with her.)

[outrunningthedark]

I see the grief as a "Freudian Excuse" more than anything; it explains their bad actions, but does not excuse the bad action themselves because children shouldn't have to compromise for their parents' misery for years, especially when the compromise has a deep lasting impact to the children's development and adult life, especially if the misery is not explained to them until far into adulthood leaving them wondering why their parents are miserable (to them) in all their childhood.

Apologies for projecting, but my aunt was depressed after losing her married daughter after childbirth, but her son-in-law and her siblings living in another city help her walk through it and prevent her grandson from being abandoned even though it takes a long time for her to recover. The lack of extended family involvement and the Buckleys' impression of putting their image in society on front make the grief ineffective in explaining their emotional neglect toward the siblings. Where's their parents? Where's their siblings? Why aren't they involved? Do they even exist and are they alive in present timeline? As powerful as grief is as an explanation, the storytelling narrative isn't strong and complex enough. We see Eddie's parents and extended family discuss what next step Eddie should take after Shannon's death, making him choose to stay. That is what is lacking in The Buckleys' backstory.

I may be remembering some plot points wrong, but I still stand on "this explains, but not excuse" stance on them. If we see an onscreen dedicated scene of them trying to make amends, my opinion on them may change.

(Not @ you, but) I feel like people get my Buckley parents (especially Margaret) posts a little twisted. In no way do I believe their neglect of both of their children is okay. What matters to me is that this is (unfortunately) one realistic portrayal of what happens to a family after a sibling death. Not every parent is able to bounce back mentally and emotionally after the death of a child. Some become dependent on substances to get through each day, don't they? The Buckley's didn't go that route, thankfully, but the fact that the mother was contemplating ending her life tells me 1) she wanted to be with her son, yes, but also 2) when you're considering that big of decision, it's because you think people are better off without you. No insult Margaret's kids can throw at her can be worse than whatever has gone through her head since the early '90s. Her behavior isn't right. But it's understandable. And, I'm sorry, but savior baby story line or not, the resentment towards Buck (and Maddie, let's not forget!) is very much a real thing that can happen. When you're one of multiple kids, and one of you dies, your parents see your sibling in you, so it hurts them to imagine where their child would be if they were still alive. And if you do something that really upsets them? Well. Then the resentment can be mutual, because the child starts to feel that it would have been better if it was them who died in place of the sibling. I know this because I live it, and I've watched others live it, too. The problem with this arc is, as you said, that it's not detailed enough. We did get the semi-reconciliation at the end of Buck Begins, but the show moved away from letting Buck (and his sister) start to heal from their childhood trauma because JLH had to be written out and Buck at peace was not really conducive to the story. His big sister's gone again. How else would he react, right? (My whole issue with that story line is that her coming back did not "fix" anything. If he was only acting like that because he missed his family...he should have been able to tell TayKay to kick rocks after the loft convo. But then L & T wouldn't have met and TayKay wouldn't have been the bad guy all over again. So.) I'm super curious to see whether Oliver was right in saying that Buck's therapy is still a factor off screen (I know that's what he hopes) and we meet a "new" set of Buckley parents - this would be another situation where there was resolution that should have made it onto the show - or we're going to find out that everybody backed out because they still weren't ready. It just depends what kind of story KR & co. think is "best". [Let it be known, though, that a complete erasure of the attempt at healing, brief as it was, is dumb af when we've had no updates on that front since s4. At least throw out a line about "Have you thought about going to therapy again?" or something.]

[spookyrobbins]

hi!

any hcs on how the s10 reconciliation could’ve been done better?

thank you!

for an easy freebie, they never should’ve messed around with the leah storyline if they intended for calzona to reconcile haha

but here we go:

this is sort of harsh for arizona, but i think one route they could’ve gone was really letting arizona hit rock bottom with all of the grief and trauma and depression that bubbled back up at the end of s9 and then slowly building herself back, loosely without callie’s help, and seeking professional help and eventually breaching out to callie to try to apologize. meanwhile, callie who’s more of an observer to arizona bc she’s trying to really stick to being away from her but she’s seeing how hard arizonas fighting to be better.

another route would be one of them actually serving the other divorce papers and how that would force them into a conversation about if that’s really what they want

they also could’ve used the miscarriage storyline more since they introduced it in s10 to basically help explain what was going on with arizona - like they could’ve had callie bumping into arizona going for a follow up appointment and having this stilted, awkward conversation where callie realizes where arizonas going halfway through and how it pulls at her that she should be there with her

or (and set aside the reality of medicine bc this is greys lol) a very rogue storyline of arizona actually being pregnant

or a storyline of calzona basically being forced to work on a case, maybe with a pregnant woman, and how it draws a lot of emotions back to the surface. and arizona who’s way too passive bc she doesn’t want to bother callie and callie who gets frustrated and angry with her bc she feels like arizonas always just rolled over

or something with callie’s delayed processing of the miscarriage, like with everything going on she had set it aside and then one day out nowhere it hitting her and absolutely wrecking her - could defs have a callie showing up at arizonas hotel room to talk

i think an important aspect for any of these would be something other than callie just telling arizona to move home and not dealing with anything, like they need to have a proper conversation, an argument, something in order to move forward

if you want toxic, problematic calzona, calzona who start hooking up maybe a month or so after and callie who keeps saying this doesn’t mean she forgives arizona or even loves her anymore and it’s all very damaged and they still very much love each other and slowly falling back into an actual relationship

there’s also sofia and arizona who keeps showing up for sofia and how that softens her a lot for callie, but also arizona who kind of sneaks around to see sofia and callie catching her/finding out and she’s so hurt that arizona thought she’d actually keep her from her and arizona who partially thought that/partially just didn’t want to bug callie

also calzona who fully just get divorced and they don’t like it, like both of them struggling with it and callie esp who’s pissed she’s been divorced twice and maybe even callie who goes on a date or two and realizing she doesn’t want anything without arizona anymore even though some days she just might hate her

for some post reconciliation hcs:

therapy they have to go to therapy but not to the crazy couples therapist lol

i could take or leave the buying the house bc it’s kind of rushed but also the apartment was really unhealthy for them at that point and they needed more space

100% could see them jumping into having another baby and arizona who takes it super hard if it doesn’t work and pushing callie away which stresses callie out and arizona admitting she feels like she’s failing callie and that callie is going to leave her

callie inadvertently/purposefully using the cheating to win arguments and arizona snapping one day that they can’t keep doing this that can’t always hang over their heads and calzona really hashing it out

[zephyr-mew]

📱💕👻🐷

- @nsfwitchy

📱 Show your phone lock screen and/or home screen

The thing with this is that I have a wallpaper changer that pulls from a few image folders - mainly fandom, animals, and aesthetic photos.

Here's the current one. I have an absurd amount of Arcana screenshots in rotation, to no one's surprise.

My lockscreen's just an ad app thing to get $, so not much point in showing that, lol.

💕 Your two top fave fictional characters

Oh my god you can't do this to me. There's so many amazing boys, how am I supposed to choose

I'm trying to think of ones I've been most attached to in a variety of ways, and also ones that I don't have some level of vague uncomfortable feelings with - but I'm realizing that I'm always a bit uncomfortable with my attachments, lol. So that doesn't narrow things down.

Ah, I'm overthinking things. Honestly, it's Muriel and Julian from Arcana. These two are the first ones that've inspired me to write actual fic in... god, over 10 years? (Literally the last time I remember writing fic was in 2010 after playing Hotel Dusk and Last Window and getting a weird burst of inspiration for a few stories.) It's kind of embarrassing to admit how much of an effect they've had on my life.

I know this might sound weird, but... I've never really personally related to characters in more than one or two small ways before. I love the hell out of so many characters, but I've never really seen myself in them. And playing Muriel's route... well, I saw myself in him. His quirks and interests, the way he moves through life, how trauma has affected him (though it feels kind of weird saying that when my trauma's not nearly as bad as anything he went through).

But hey, we're both anxious, depressed, traumatized softies. And seeing him grow and heal bit by bit, step by step - it gave me hope that maybe... maybe I could heal. That I wasn't trapped in my trauma responses permanently. That things could get easier. Maybe even - better?

That I could learn to be more comfortable with opening up, I could get more comfortable with someone and build something good with them, that there could be depth and lightness and joy and understanding. That I didn't need to be perfect to be loved - that I could be loved just how I am, mental scars and all.

And Julian, ahh. How he was so loving and affectionate, so clearly, genuinely interested in me - it's something I would hardly even let myself imagine before with anyone (yes, even fictional characters). Having self hatred run so deep that I just couldn't imagine anyone feeling anything even remotely that positive towards me. But something about his scenes clicked something in my head, something finally got through to me - maybe, just maybe, it is possible for someone to be interested in me.

He's helped me get more comfortable with a lot of aspects of myself, of interests and desires and just being imperfect and enjoying life anyways. Taking chances and trying new things and learning that I can be comfortable around people, that I can find joy in being open and letting go. That I can find freedom in another person.

It's a small thing, but - I've always wanted to sing, but I'm scared as fuck to for so many reasons, and the thought of him singing along with me helps (especially because he can't sing well - doing things badly in front of other people is one of my biggest fears).

Also he's helped me feel more comfortable with a lot of aspects of my sexuality so that's cool ✌️

Looking through this, it seems like they've brought a lot of the same lessons in different ways. Showing that being imperfect and utterly human isn't a death sentence. That there's joy to be found in connection and vulnerability and not just pain. That I can heal and grow. That there are people who can love me as I am and meet me where I'm at, and I don't have to shove parts of myself away to be worthwhile.

Honestly, thank you for asking this one. It's nice to have the opportunity to reflect like this.

👻 Do you believe in ghosts

Vaguely, but also not really? Like, I'm open to the possibility bc who knows, but they've never really felt like an actual real thing. ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ tbh I hope not bc I'm enough of a scaredy cat as it is, I freak out over horror games knowing full well it's not real, I don't need more actual scary shit to worry about lol

>is guro fucker >can't handle horror

🐷 Junk food you can never get enough of

Probably sour cream and onion chips ✌️

Tysm for the ask~! @nsfwitchy

[comicaurora]

Are there any romance stories or romantic subplots that specifically worked really well for you? Maybe because they were "good friends being good friends" plots first and "romance" plots second?

it is very depressing to me that for a while I could only give a conditional "yes" to this one. There are romantic subplots I liked up to a point that the writers made decisions about them I thought were weird and dumb, or that I liked in hindsight but didn't really appreciate at the time. And despite having watched a not inconsiderable amount of live-action media, every single halfway good example I could conjure up was from a cartoon.

Catra and Adora have a fascinatingly tumultuous arc to me, but I spent the entire show genuinely believing we'd never get a payoff, and when we actually got the big kiss I was too busy being shocked to really process the ramifications. In my head I'd filed them right next to Charles Xavier/Magneto and Optimus Prime/Megatron, enemies so clearly soulmates with each other but in that special murdery way. I've been planning a full rewatch, so I might get to fully appreciate it this time!

When I watched through Ben 10: Alien Force I remember being genuinely surprised at how much I liked the romantic subplot between Kevin and Gwen. I think because they were both kinda assholes about it, but in very synergistic ways. He's the platonic ideal of an Edgy Emotionally Repressed Lancer but he's kind of too blunt and straightforward to remember to be emotionally repressed all the time, and she's a smart snarky ass-kicker who figures out that they're clearly into each other immediately and bluntly asks him when he's gonna ask her out in like episode three, which completely throws him off his game. It was very cute, and Kevin got in a few good "take the bullet for the love interest to save her" moments that I'm always a fan of, but after the first couple seasons something shifted in the writer's room and Kevin got shunted back down the "actually a dickhead" route and the characters stopped acting like they cared about each other so much. It was a bummer, and since the characters stopped acting consistently in-character I kind of disengaged. But I did like how they handled it early on!

I am, obviously, broadly a big fan of the romantic subplots in ReBoot, as I am with all other major parts of that show. The main one that got focused on was between protagonists Bob and Dot, which was kind of standard background will-they-won't-they fare for the first three seasons - some miscommunications and arguments and daring rescues - until they get in a big kiss in the finale. The problem, as ever, is in season four, when they start doing some really weird sitcom telenovela twists, including a second Bob popping out of a portal and claiming to be the real Bob, and everyone in the show spontaneously sheds 90% of their braincells to forget the fact that their Bob is the one who saved the day over and over again since getting fished out of the Web, so everyone ignores our best boy who actually did the heroics to play favorites with Other Bob. Obviously Other Bob turns out to be a bad guy in disguise, but this is revealed at his wedding to Dot, and it's just fuckin stupid that it would get to that point at all. This is a big part of why I mentally carve season 4 off the canon timeline and just let it end at the season 3 finale.

The other romantic subplot is between Matrix and AndrAIa, who meet as children in season 2 and have a cute kind of mutual crush thing going on before they get lost in the games in the season 3 timeskip and, offscreen, grow up together and enter a fully-established and completely solid relationship. Aside from a brief "matrix gets jealous" subplot in the back half of season 3 that really just serves to reflect his fascinating cocktail of trauma-induced self-loathing issues, they're remarkably stable and play off each other well. I think the fact that we skipped all the romantic will-they-won't-they drama and went straight to "they did, they have, and they're totally good" did it a lot of favors - and despite Matrix being, by any metric, an asshole, it never feels like AndrAIa is settling or putting up with him or tasked with fixing him. It's more like they're each the only person the other truly feels safe and whole around, so Matrix is truly an asshole to everyone but AndrAIa (and later Bob and Dot, his other loved ones) and AndrAIa is not guarded or defensive around Matrix.

Gargoyles also had two different romantic subplots I liked - one between heroes, one with villains. Goliath and Elisa have a great dynamic that's a little less will-they-won't-they and a little more of an unspoken agreement, "we're both really into each other but we also don't really think this can happen on account of being fully different species and we're too mature to get dramatic about it." Since they're basically on the same page about it, they don't have much in the way of drama or miscommunication, it's just all that good "rescuing each other from peril" content I like.

On the villain side, David Xanatos and Fox had a surprisingly wholesome relationship considering they're full-blown villains for the first couple seasons. It's a case where their romantic subplot made them both better people in the long run as they developed priorities that weren't selfish. They ALSO skipped all the will-they-won't-they and went straight into a wholesome, committed, mutually supportive relationship.

I do also recall being genuinely surprised how much I liked the romantic subplot between Trevor Belmont and Sypha. I think what made it work for me was the tendency for them to clearly and honestly communicate with each other - about more than just their romantic subplot. There's a great bit in season 4 where they just sit down and are like "everything's been happening a LOT lately, let's talk about how we feel about that", and I appreciated the moment I think is in season 3 where they're like "hey… maybe… leaving Alucard alone in his dead parents' castle ten minutes after helping him kill his dad… was bad for him?" It's a romantic subplot that doesn't feel like it eclipses the rest of their characterization and it doesn't mean they stop caring about anything other than each other. And it also skipped over the will-they-won't-they, so honestly no wonder I liked it.

I know there's more, but I genuinely had to google lists of shows to remind myself of the one-in-a-million examples I actually liked, so let's leave it here for now.

[skele8rity]

literally anything that falls out of yoosung’s mouth in anyone’s route both breaks and mends my heart simultaneously, thank you cheritz team for such unbelievably well written characters holy shit

[persephoneyss]

Doomeds.

Pairing: Min Yoongi x f! Reader. Ft. Bts.

Genre: Yandere, dark themes, anguish, suspense.

Summary: ❝We are doomeds, wandering in eternal suffering.❞

Warnings: Yandere behavior, obsession, stalking / stalking on cameras, humiliation, unspecified forced marriage, n*n-c*n explicit sexual relations (on the reader), abuse of power, implicit murder, drug use, kidnapping, hitting, manipulation, dating previous trauma, alcoholism and depression (in Yoongi), accusations of infidelity, dub-con (in Yoongi's case), the reader is in school but is of legal age, death threats, really strange facts. Possibly this would qualify as dark fantasy since everything is so unrealistic.

Number of words: 10,000+

︙Author's note: *sighs* This is the longest fic I've ever written, and I honestly don't know how it turned out because I didn't read it twice like I always do before publishing it. But my beautiful baby helped me correct, I hope you enjoy it and please read the warnings well, I do not want lawsuits. Thanks for being here!

(Sorry for any mistakes, my first language is not English and I am not fluent either.)

Puedes leer este fic y más aquí en español.

If they ever had to ask the reality of events it would be ... Unbelievable. Thinking of how just a simple action changes everything in an already established and perfect environment.

A life.

Your minutes, hours and days were the same under your criteria and eyesight, you study in the mornings, you work in the afternoons and you attend to your homework at night. It was a good routine that used to be repetitive at times, it was fun to follow, even more so in your part-time job.

You could meet many people working in one of the best cafes in the city, your classmate insisted too many times that you work with her saying that could recommend you and you should not even pass a test, they would only accept you for her.

It was a good opportunity and you accepted it with a smile, although she was long gone from work, you were still grateful for the good salary and health insurance that they gave you every month.

"An American coffee with a spoon of sugar and a green tea cake with cream on top." Your mouth and hand move in sync, the client nods silently. You smile, pointing out other details before asking what name you would give the order.

With a sigh, he name came out like a gust of light wind. "Min... Min Yoongi."

You write his name on the screen, the little receipt paper comes out of the machine. You hand it to him by brushing his hand with yours, strangely cold and pale. A chill runs through you but you ignore it, continuing with your work.

"Good Morning _____!" One of the employees greets you kindly, you correspond still concentrated on serving the mysterious stranger's coffee. "Do you have a request for me?"

"Oh, uh... Yeah, this is for table four."

Yun smiles taking the tray with Yoongi's coffee and cake, arriving at his table. The man's expression can be dazzled even under his black mask that covers half of his face, his eyes look for you before colliding with you. YYou refuse to play along, continuing with your work, you had a lot to do and wasting time flirting wouldn't really help you make money.

However, it became pointless trying to ignore him when he kept coming back day after day. Week after week. Tormenting your head, Yoongi was not the first nor the last handsome man you would see coming often, your work establishment was literally in a strategic area and not cheap, you knew that many men and women with money frequented them to drink a coffee or eat some delicacy, even sometimes they only came in to sit for a few hours attending to their affairs over the phone.

It was fine, it was comfortable. You weren't expecting too much, sitting behind a counter, always having to fake a smile despite being tired.

Perhaps it was the constant visits that led you to start a conversation with him. You had about an hour of rest, you prefer to spend those few moments sitting in front of the window of the premises eating any cake that was a few days before expiring to avoid paying for consumption, you felt comfortable in that place that seemed so far from all the other clients.

Until his voice interrupted once, he seemed as calm as ever. His gaze lost from you elsewhere avoiding making contact with you, nervous apparently. His rough and austere tone was changed to a bolder and lower one, asking if he could sit next to you for a few minutes.

"Sure, sit down... he's not busy." It was your answer without having any problem in sharing your place so secret, so comfortable. It was still just as safe even with him present.

And in much the same way, everything became a silent routine. You heeded his order, you took your rest next to him and then you both left at one point. The talks became more common, he being the first to ask about such insignificant things as the rise in the market in the country and how prices should start to rise in coffee as well.

You laughed, you really did it by getting his attention and sharing your reaction.

They both started laughing at how strange it all started, and it was always the perfect anecdote to tell their friends about how they met.

Everything was perfect, like a painting by a great artist, what you would see would be beautiful and cheerful colors, adorning both of you possibly holding hands with a smile and a loving expression from the man who was now your partner. Her pale skin and angelic face represented on beautiful thin paper, presented to the world as a painting that reflected a symbol of love between two souls met in a casual cafe and who wanted each other so much. Too much.

Yoongi was the clear representation of an ethereal person, casual and elegant, polite and kind, protective but not possessive. Simply to the target.

Your routine didn't change much after starting your relationship, you kept walking to your school in the mornings, you attended the cafeteria in the afternoons and you rested at night. Perhaps the only significant thing that you would get out of your boring schedule was your boyfriend's proposal about moving with him to the house of his best friend, almost a brother as he described it, and avoiding paying for your little apartment. You had made one and a thousand excuses, making Yoongi shut them all up.

"Jin is my brother, he would never take advantage of us. I already mentioned the proposal, about you... I have been living there for a few weeks, I assure you that you will be like family."

Family?

Your face relaxed for a few seconds, you had abandoned that feeling and sensation long ago since you moved from your home in your native country. Your mother used to call you every night but little by little that habit was lost, she also had her own problems and being aware of you as if you were a child was ridiculous.

"It's fine." It was your final decision, nervously you moved your hands in the air explaining what you would not accept.

Do not invade your privacy.

You had spent days thinking about how to introduce yourself to them, because apparently there would be more than just Jin, Yoongi and you in that house. Your things were scattered in boxes, you stood in the middle of the almost empty room still nervous about meeting new people and friends of your boyfriend.

That they were now family. Literally family.

The moving truck was parked in front of a large house, it had two stories and an incredibly large garden. More like a forest than an ordinary garden, you got out of the car trying to clean your clothes as much as possible and look presentable. Although it was difficult when your whole body was covered in dust after lifting the boxes.

"I'm not ready, Yoon." You say, containing your anxiety that vibrates to the surface of the skin within you.

Her hand gently brushed your cheek, giving you a bit of reassurance. "You look beautiful, they will accept you anyway." Her lips came up to yours, giving you a quick and soft kiss. "I just remember that I love you, and I know all my brothers will too because you are perfect."

You thanked the little compliment in a whisper, the door of the house opened just after the two of them left, you automatically showed a friendly smile approaching the first person to leave. He was a tall and rather handsome man, he seemed very well dressed to be indoors on a Sunday, more like he was going out to an important business meeting. He looked flawless and elegant.

"The suit was not necessary, Nam!" Shouted your boyfriend behind you mocking, the man laughed showing all the charm of him to your eyes.

"I'm Namjoon, Yoongi's friend. Nice to meet you... _____, right?"

"Yes, it's me. Sorry to see me so disastrous, it was a tiring day with the move."

Namjoon seemed like a very nice and incredibly understanding guy, his presence made you want to meet your boyfriend's other friends. You opened the door entering the house after Yoongi asked you to find your room to start carrying the other things, Namjoon stayed behind to help him, leaving you alone on your unknown route. You walk all over the place and you are surprised that you only walked through the living room, your eyes straying to a noise in the kitchen.

Curious.

You ignore it, continuing your way up, you read every name on the doors. Jin, Namjoon, Yoongi, Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook. All written brilliantly on each different door, you walk a few steps to one that says your name and you thank it with a sigh.

You weren't surprised by how big it was, everything inside that place seemed to be exorbitant and out of the ordinary.

"Oh, it must be you." You are surprised to hear a voice behind you, you turn around in fear before remaining calm. You recognized her face from a photo Yoongi had on her phone.

"Jimin?" You ask with fear of being wrong.

"It's me, it's nice to finally meet you. Jin-hyung said you're moving in a few days, I didn't think it would be so soon." His voice seemed to be calm but there was a hidden question. Why? Why were you there?

You take a few uncomfortable steps back. "It really was, but ... I thought it would be better to do it today that I don't have classes, plus Yoongi doesn't work this day and it seemed like the right thing to do. I'm sorry if bother you."

"No you don't. it's okay, Welcome." With that one simple word he left.

You thought you would have a longer talk with him but you weren't expecting too much, they didn't even know each other and you plan to chat with him like they were old acquaintances. Well, naive.

It seemed strange to you that no one else showed up in the whole house, even when you were uploading the last boxes of the move no one seemed to be a little curious to meet you. Aside from the already friendly Namjoon and the reserved Jimin.

"Yoon" You get his attention, he smiles at you taking the sheets out of your suitcase and making your makeshift bed ready for the night. "Do your friends work today?"

"I guess so, they really don't spend a lot of time together or at home." Explain without noticing your downcast face. You nod, putting the issue aside and concentrating your eyes on arranging your clothes. "Hey... Okay, you can meet them all at dinner today."

Your chest clenches in anguish, "Dinner?!"

"Yes, darling. It's the only time they meet all day, when Jin-hyung cooks for us especially on days like these where we have pleasant surprises."

You purse your lips annoyed, Yoongi smiles kissing your forehead so carefully and lovingly that it melts your senses. The mere presence of him made you want to continue with him forever, you relax for a few seconds hugging his body in silence. They both stay like this, with nothing to say but telling each other everything at the same time.

The thought of ever letting go scares you.

You wait several hours, still sitting in the same place where Yoongi left you. You should be presentable for dinner, you take a quick shower before running to change into a nice comfortable dress, you try not to overdo it but also not show disinterest. From the stairs you hear everyone's mixed voices, chatting animatedly.

"Honey, come here." Yoongi watches you, being the only one to notice that you were peeking in the shadows still unsure of interrupting.

You say hello by walking a few steps until you reach your boyfriend's side, you present yourself the best you can. Everyone falls silent, Namjoon smiles at you just like he did before. Jin interrupts the moment where no one seemed to have anything to say about you, or if he wants to want to introduce himself.

"Today we have a special guest, the dear girlfriend of our brother. I introduce myself, I am Jin the official cook of this family." His body bends down with an exaggeratedly long bow, proud of his words. Jimin rolls his eyes, while his other siblings just choose to tease. "On Yoongi's orders we made her favorite dish, so I don't want any complaints of any kind about the food. I'm looking at you Jungkook."

You are surprised how well everything is going, you feel praised when your favorite food is in front of you. She looked just as elegant, as if you were eating in a five-star restaurant and at a luxurious table with silk tablecloths.

Jungkook still stayed away from the talks, preferring to eat quietly and fiddle with his phone. Hoseok was more animated, asking about you and exaggerating anecdotes that happened with his childhood friends. He moved you that he will still remember all that after years. Namjoon vaguely drew your attention with book recommendations when you commented on your love of reading, Jin quietly continued eating in complete tranquility, Jimin thanked the food and just left.

Taehyung... He seemed interesting to you, he was looking at you all the time with narrowed eyes and when Jimin got up and walked away, he followed closely with a small and almost hidden smile.

You had a strange feeling inside what they called home.

"I-I... I need to use the bathroom." You say goodbye by wiping your lips with a napkin before quickly walking behind them both. Something attracted you to want to know more, as if they were leaving clues knowing that curiosity killed the cat and that you wanted to be the one.

Your steps were quiet, even more so when you tried not to be noticed . You went upstairs listening to their voices whispering and then... An obscene moan was clearly heard, Jimin seemed to laugh in the air.

Your hands shook thinking of opening the door and seeing what was happening. And without knowing it, you had fallen into the same network of attraction as them.

You curse yourself biting your tongue and cheek until they bleed, sure that you were going to make a big and heavy mistake. Minutes later you are going down the stairs back to the table but no one is waiting for you anymore, the table was just as spotless and clean. You are pleasantly surprised to learn that they don't treat you like a guest and that they don't wait too long for you. Maybe they had things to do, however you feel a chill when silence comes.

Where were?

You look around the yard, but no one is outside. Neither in the kitchen and less in the room where you had already walked twice. You catch the sound of drums in your ears rumbling loudly, you close your eyes in a daze for a few seconds until in an instant it goes away, and then everything comes back to itself. You hear their voices upstairs, chatting animatedly for the second time.

"Where were you sweetie? Are you okay?"

You nod still confused. How did they... When was that... You were really fine? You refuse to fall into paranoia and lie down next to Yoongi, as they continue their conversation with each other. Your head keeps spinning with the fresh memories you have, but they seem to disappear second by second and it scares you, you open your eyes without wanting to fall asleep yet but it is as difficult as breathing.

You fall into the dark abyss of sleep, feeling the same chill.

Your gaze is lost in the gray sky, you are cold and your body is swaying. Your eyes move restlessly observing that you are under the snow and a person holds you in his arms through the forest, walking at a slow and safe pace.

It's fine. Are you okay.

Wake up. Yoongi greets you from the door of your now room, you try to regulate your breathing thinking that he would notice your overwhelmed state and he would worry, but no. He is as calm as ever, relaxed even.

"Good morning beautiful, it's time for breakfast. Jin-hyung made your favorite." And with that last sentence she is shifting away, closing the door behind he.

You go down the stairs ready to go, your backpack resting on your shoulder. The table is just as full as at dinner, Jimin seemed very tired trying not to fall asleep, you watch him for a few seconds before looking at Taehyung who ignores you taking his cup of ... Coffee. You approach making him recoil alarmed and disgusted, you check the cup realizing that it is the same recipe that you use in the cafeteria.

Like them?

You look up noticing that, you were uncomfortable, Taehyung takes a few steps away from your body almost leaning against his, still sitting in his chair. You apologize to him making me sigh irritated, still ashamed you apologize again without eating or serving anything, just leaving through the front door.

Your journey is reflective. You forget, dream and recognize, that was the pattern you were following, everything seemed so strange and deep down gloomy, you feel the already casual chill running through your entire body almost like a warning.

Your seat in class was empty waiting, ready for you. Ari greets you, being your table companion and friend.

"Hey, intense night?" She jokes, you look shaking his head. She laughs pointing your neck. "You have... something there."

She frowns even more confused, her face leaves her smile aside and she starts looking at her things until she takes out a small mirror and she hands it to you. You look with horror at a large red bruise painting on your skin, it seemed painful but you had not even noticed or felt it. You touch it still scared and nothing, it doesn't hurt or it seems real.

You take a deep breath before lying with silly chatter, "I had an accident, but I'm fine. I had forgotten I was there, it was nothing serious."

Ari seems worried but in the end she forgets it by returning to the same kind and joking attitude of her, but her gaze drops from second by second to your neck making you cover yourself uncomfortable. Who? It can't be Yoongi, he was always very calm in that regard. You think terrified, your hand goes up to touch it and this time you manage to feel a sharp pain.

You have to cover it with the collar of your shirt so that no customer will notice it and avoid staining the reputation of the cafeteria, you smile nervously taking orders as fast as you can and avoiding looks. Yun greets you like every day, arriving at his work time. You spend hours begging for the clock to advance faster, the night sky appears and the doors close, you clear the last counter before you can finally show your neck again and breathe.

"That's a big problem." Yun whispers looking at the horrible mark, you nod with a sigh giving the same stupid excuse you told Ari. "You should use a little makeup to cover it up, I think it will help you a lot."

You think about it for a few seconds before deciding what you would do. You bow to him with a bow after he offered to close in your place and finish the remaining work for you.

You come home with a smile, you greet Namjoon who is reclining on the couch in the living room watching something on TV. You wait a few seconds but you do not receive a small or accidental look, you approach a few steps to repeat it again but you only get him to get up and go upstairs closing the door of his room apparently with a door slam. What the hell? You think covering your face with your hands looking for some comfort.

Everything was happening inside you, it was like a whirlpool sweeping away your sanity. Were you going crazy? Or you were just thinking a lot about nothing.

You try to draw a picture of your situation, but the only thing that repeats is the constant painting of Yoongi and you together.

"Yoongi!" You say to yourself with a smile, you drop your backpack running towards his room, wanting to see him after such a day.

Your hopes fade like air, everything within the space him screams 'he', but he is not there. You check the safe time that he should be home at that moment. You hear Jin's voice screaming from below about dinner ready, you sigh losing your appetite at those moments.

You lie on your bed checking your cell phone in case there was a message from Yoongi warning about he delay but nothing. You feel empty for some strange reason, but there was nothing different about it now.

If I had been more attentive and conscientious, you would have noticed that two more people other than Yoongi and you were missing from the table. Jin smiles sitting in his same place leaving your plate not caring without you being there with them, his smile never fades even when all his brothers are sitting silently eating and looking at your empty place so intensely that it was terrifying, he squeezes the cutlery in his hand without wanting to break the tradition in his family.

Dinners are sacred and no one should be missing. There will be no discussions or complaints, that's what the rest of the time is for.

That was what her mother said, sitting at the table in her old home containing her anger at seeing her husband so calm after having been unfaithful once more. Not on the table, not on the table.

Not on the table, honey.

Jimin opened the last bottle with a little satisfaction, poured another glass before handing it to his friend who was only glaring at the ground.

"She's not like that... I know her." Repeating the same stupid prayer for hours, Taehyung rolled his eyes trying to calm his annoyance, looking at his other friend insisting that he help him.

"Yoongi-hyung you saw it yourself, she had that... That mark. you didn't do it, maybe Tae is right and she-..."

"Not!" I scream interrupting what to him were lies. "_____ she's my girlfriend, she's not like that. I know her ... she loves me! She loves me! Do you understand?" Says exalted, holding the shirt of his friend who closed his mouth immediately, Jimin noticed that same reflection of anger in him and knew it was better to leave it for now.

Taehyung pushed the drunk Yoongi away from his side, making him release him and repeat the same phrase as in his state, he tried to believe himself.

The door to your room was opened and the smell of alcohol invaded you, making you look disgusted. You closed your eyes without wanting to see him, his body fell to the side of your bed approaching your body so slowly that the anxiety inside you doubled.

"I'm sorry..." He whispered.

His hands rested around you, giving you that warmth so familiar and comfortable in your gray days. A sob was heard while you lost yourself in your own thought, you watch it melt into your arms crying and without wanting to tell you why.

"It hurts." It's the only thing it says. But... Why?

You wake up. Just like a week ago, days had passed and it seemed like your skin kept accumulating horrible marks all over the place. You even went to consult a doctor but he only insisted that something... Or someone did them with such fury that it was incredible that a piece of skin will not be torn off by the force of his suction.

You touched the last mark that came, it was dangerously close to your crotch, you try to hide the others with makeup but they were still visible at a short distance.

You went down the stairs to see them all again, you greet with regret taking the first thing you find. Your mug had your name written on it, it was a rather curious gift from Jin after your melancholic night with Yoongi days ago, he apologized explaining that he felt bad after hearing all the sobs and apologies. For a moment you thought it was something exaggerated but he kept insisting that he felt bad about himself, not with Yoongi who was almost his brother or with you, with him.

You accepted it without wanting to show your dislike for his selfishness and narcissism, thanking him so softly that he hardly heard you.

The special drink that morning was coffee... Americano. You felt insecure to drink it, and you just put it aside.

Same recipe.

Yoongi looked at you for a few seconds before smiling fondly, and you just looked away, leaving him with a confused face as you walk out the door so quickly that he can hardly feel you.

He sighed before being drawn to Jimin's grin-adorned face, he shrugged, hinting at his silent opinion. She is not faithful to you Yoongi, why do you keep waiting for something good? Only looks at her body, her attitude and who she surrounds herself with, it is a classic of womens. You will know that she is a fox hidden under her sheepsuit, just observing her more and you never leave her.

The marks on your body, your cold attitude made him more and more suspicious and fall for Taehyung's profound words. She bit his lip, refusing to spy on your life away from him... Out of his sight.

But he really wasn't doing anything wrong, just observing. In his now dirty head, everything was valid if he could know the truth.

You did the same thing you always told him on his nights where they stayed up talking about his heavy days. You went to school, to work, and then home. Nothing changed your version.

I try to focus on your friends, there was only one girl you spent more time with in your classes and after them. He researched everything about his life, but he had nothing to worry about after learning that he had a boyfriend. He passed your work, standing outside for hours waiting to see you do something dirty or guilty, but you never seemed to move.

You just served the orders and then kindly said goodbye to the customers. He felt guilty for doing something so low to you, until he saw you.

To you.

Your smile grew when one of the workers who was your partner approached your place in the box to whisper something in your ear, you left your place following him towards the warehouse.

Anger consumed him quickly, refusing to continue standing there observing the obvious, possibly he was being irrational and he knew it but the constant insinuations of Jimin. The conversations with Taehyung, his words, his suspicions, the pleased looks from they when he fell back at his feet asking them to tell him what to do with you.

With his damn relationship.

Where were you and him. Not them. You and he.

He opened the door to your room and started going through your things like a degenerate, something must have made him sure that you were cheating on him. Something, a letter, a note, a gift from him, or a simple cheap jewel.

This was your Yoongi? You were clearly looking at another subject.

"Yoon..." You started, his eyes coldly piercing you. He looked different, he was looking at you but you didn't feel safe being so close. "What are you doing?"

"What do you think I do?" He asked how else he will not point to the obvious, for a moment you thought that even if it was, out of respect or dignity, he would try to deny it or find another explanation for his actions so offensive to you. "Where is?"

"Where is what?" You claim, starting to get angry, his eyes leave you again as he continues searching through your drawers, dropping everything to the floor with thudding noises. You get closer trying to push it away but you only get rejection. "Stop it, Yoongi."

"Not until you say so."

You freeze without knowing what he meant by the latter, you take his arm to stop him but you only receive a push that makes you back away this time scared by the force of his attack. "Enough!" You claim this time by making him look at you with his cold eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about and why you're doing this, but enough."

"Then say it..." You shout again that you don't know what he wants you to say, you even curse furiously making him come closer to support your shoulders with his hands bringing you closer to his face. "Say it damn it! Say you're cheating on me with that bastard son of a bitch!"

You feel the pain of his grip, you sob, begging him to release you but are ignored as he continues to ask you to say so. You refuse to lie, especially with something so degrading.

Jin hears the screams as he continues serving the dinner desserts, Jungkook strangely puts aside his phone for a few minutes to thank him with a small toast and a smile that was rarely seen on him.

"The dessert tonight is sweeter than usual."

Jimin raises his glass with a bright smile, Namjoon adjusts his tie tied perfectly around his neck as he sips from his glass, Hoseok laughs eating the delicious cake with enthusiasm.

Curious, a green tea cake with cream on top.

"It's a shame Yoongi-hyung misses out on dessert." Taehyung speaks pretending a pout on his lips, playing with his spoon with the cream on her plate. "It is especially exquisite today."

"Stop playing already, when will you do it? I'm looking forward to getting started." Jin snaps angrily, pushing the cake out of her sight as he drinks from her wine glass.

Jungkook laughs, turning his phone back on to continue playing as usual. "So impatient, hyung." He says he with a click of annoyance.

Jin rolls his eyes, following her gaze to Jimin who is innocently cowering in her chair. Ignoring how completely obsessed Jungkook is with his games, it really was not his business,for something his youngest friend had his parents, who were too busy with their work, they ran the largest electronics factory in the country, leaving his son in the background just giving him everything he asked for without objection. Always showing a smile when little Jungkook came before them demanding a new console or the best phone.

"It only remains to wait..." Whispering, he released a patient Hoseok. His smile as charming as ever. "For her to decide what to do and then... Plot! She fell into the wrong well."

"I hate when you describe and talk like that, but I can't expect much from a Jung... like you."

However, Hoseok never stops smiling even when anger is consuming his mind causing him to clench his fists under the table and bite his tongue inside his mouth, hidden by his gleaming and visible teeth. Namjoon smiles at her, knowing that she managed to provoke him but that she won't do anything to shut him up.

"Pathetic."

Motherfucker.

Jin breaks the tense silence, shushing everyone with a snap. That silence. Nobody hears anything from you or Yoongi, for a moment they feel the anguish that something bad has happened or that his friend has lost a bit ... The hand. But just seconds later you're rushing down, wearing the same clothes and your face covered in tears. You don't even look at them when you run to the door, leaving a trail of emptiness behind you.

"Hm, intense." This is Jungkook speaking, his eyes still lost on the phone screen of him playing a silly online championship. "She will be fine after hours."

"Jungkook is right, now we must move with Yoongi."

Namjoon gets up walking to your room, surprised that everything seems almost the same as it was before their fight.

He smiles when he manages to see his friend laying on the floor sobbing, and like that children's book called Pinocchio, he feels good being that cricket-shaped voice of reason. Only this time that sweet and serene voice, released one and a thousand blasphemies that would contaminate even the most devout by his beliefs.

He managed to convince Yoongi's easy to manipulate mind, blurting out words almost like a song. Playing with the naive self of hes that still lived and breathes inside him.

You had come home after days of spending with Ari and her boyfriend away from him. You really didn't want to set foot in that house again in years, a small irrational part of you believed that it was all his fault, your real problems started when you set foot in that damn place.

You open the door observing the room in the same way, empty. You try not to make yourself feel ready to go to sleep, without having been able to do it in days, but now you doubted that it would be different here.

You remain static in view of everyone, you had forgotten that at that time they were having dinner together. They only met once a day and it had to be right there.

"Good evening, sorry to interrupt." You ignoring Yoongi's gaze that, he's trying not to get too excited about your return, even though she causes he to euphoric whirl. "Carry on, I'll just go to my room."

"Please no, sit with us."

"I'm not well."

"I insist, sit with us. They were difficult days but I know they can fix it." Jin puts a plate in front of one of the empty chairs, you refuse to sit down but you do it out of compromise.

Everyone seems to be exclusively quiet, dinner was gray, like a black and white painting. Remember the first dinner, where everyone seemed to have so much to say and now that was left behind, Jungkook continues to play with his phone sometimes moving his plate by accident, without touching a single silverware with the intention of eating. Jin eats in peace, so slowly that he is strange. Namjoon reads a book in his hand, eating so cleanly that it's amazing.

Hoseok looks at you playfully from time to time, with a smile that almost makes you smile the same. Jimin and Taehyung seem to communicate silently, they both look at each other with slight grimaces and smiles.

"We can talk?" Yoongi whispers, you feel her breath next to you and instinctively you walk away scared. Still hurt by her actions and attitude, you give your vow of silence by standing up and without saying goodbye, you walk up the stairs.

"How rude." Jungkook interrupts, keeping an eye on his screen lighting up his beautiful face. "He didn't even taste the food."

Yoongi looks at Jin, her oldest friend and the one she trusted the most, seeking some advice. But just gets the same treatment as always, a look insisting that go with you and try to fix her mistake.

However, it was late. You had packed a makeshift suitcase by going down as quietly as you could, exiting through the back door like a thief or a fugitive.

You spent days thinking about your cowardly way of running away, but in the same way you felt better and even more so when you did not receive any message from him. Maybe it wasn't that important to him, it hurt but it also relieved you.

You knew it would be awkward to see him in the face again, but you should go back and get your things over with as soon as possible. You naively thought of forming a friendship, a very distant one, but in the end it would be the healthiest thing for both of you.

"______?" Asked the person who opened the door after you barely managed to ring the bell due to nerves, he was clearly confused.

"W-good morning ... Jin." You greet by taking a few steps back to get a better look at it, you had forgotten how tall it was. "Sorry to bother I just wanted to -..."

"Talk to Yoongi? I'm sorry but he's already better without you, he even met someone new." You were surprised by his austere, sour tone and trying to intimidate you. "And you better go, you are not welcome here."

"No ... No, I-I came for my things but I'm glad to know that it's better now, and that ..." The words stayed in your mouth, almost as if it hurt to admit it. "I was able to find someone, I hope we can be friends. Also with you, I'm sorry I left without explaining or saying goodbye properly."

You waited what seemed like ages for her response, and you expected more than a simple nod of the head, letting you pass without a hitch. You searched your room quickly, trying not to have any contact with any of them for now. You opened the door that had your name on it but you were scared by what you found inside, the whole room had been painted blood red, a very dark color that managed to give you such familiar chills.

"What is this? Where are my things?!" You turned around ready to go and claim but the door closed behind you with a stormy noise. You ran to try to open it but it did not move an inch, you searched the whole room for something useful to help you but it was completely empty, and alone.

You sobbed in fear, not understanding what was happening and why it seemed that the walls were getting narrower every second. You fell to the ground, trying to stay calm and without losing your goal, hours and even days passed for you, you waited to hear at least one noise but everything was so quiet that you had to avoid going crazy, you played with your hands trying to distract yourself and think positive things, you had read many books about stressful situations to know that thinking a lot about those things caused even more stress, you lie on the floor sure that a nap will calm everything down, if it was a nightmare you wanted to wake up and if not , you wanted to dream that it was.

A lock, you hear that particular noise and you wake up. You open your eyes as fast as you can lifting your body, the door was slightly open as if someone was exiting. You scream for help but it closes, you fall back into sadness and despair screaming even more for your freedom.

You didn't deserve this.

You look with regret at the delicious food they left for you, for a moment you think about going on a hunger strike but your stomach demands you not to be so stupid. The same would not change anything. Regardless of manners, you eat as fast as you can, dropping quite a bit of food on the ground in your rush.

It had an exquisite taste, and you could recognize it everywhere. It was one of your favorite dishes, you felt disgusted to compare it to your mother's food, but as magnificent as it was, it reminded you so much of her.

You wait for something to happen, but minutes go by in which you just look at nothing, letting your head fly. Thinking of a thousand things, playing with the spoon and singing in a low voice.

You feel hot from one moment to the next, your vision becomes cloudy and the door opens again. You just stay in the same place, you don't care about anything, not even how they hold you by helping you walk into another room.

"You were right, she is very calm now."

You look at him, their faces so familiar and you try to place them, but your head is flying away at that moment. You close your eyes laughing, and drifting into unconsciousness.

You wake up. You open your eyes and you are tied, you struggle with the ropes that hold your arms while the bed below you makes your body bounce. You touch the sheets realizing that they are extremely soft, you are in an unfamiliar room surrounded by scarlet red, with elegant and shimmering decorations. You try to stand up but your legs, like your hands, are tied.

And you're still quiet because of the rag in your mouth.

You fight the bindings furiously, screaming into the cloth as much as you can get sick of being locked up again.

You think of Yoongi, although at that moment it was irrelevant you wonder where she is and if she knew that she was being kidnapped in such a way, would she help you at least? Resignation covers you completely, fighting the bonds again with such force that you feel like they burn your skin every time you move.

You sob, just as he did one fall day.

Yoongi watches you from the monitor in another room, Jin is talking to Namjoon to the side while Jungkook is still sitting in a corner entertaining on her phone. Jimin, Taehyung, and Hoseok seem reluctant to look at each other despite facing each other.

Remember the day, the one in the past, when he met them. Jimin and Taehyung were already friends playing in one of the children's castles, with their hands pretending to be weapons as they ran around. Hoseok was sitting next to his mother, talking and apparently they had a lot to say. Namjoon did not detach from the side of his father who urged him to go up to the games, while Jin was busy collecting Flowers in a basket that his grandmother was holding.

They were all strangers and even more so he, felt out of place surrounded by so many games and away from home. His parents had freed up a whole day to spend together in a decent park, it was several hours of travel from Daegu to Seoul only for his son to play in a beautiful park surrounded by luxurious buildings.

He dropped down next to her mother, hugging her without wanting to let her go.

"Min Yoongi, we didn't take this trip just for you to sit there all day, son."

"I'm scared..." he whispered, biting her lip and hiding her face in the neck of his beloved mother.

"I see... but the games look so much fun. Run and try them, love."

He nodded still uneasy, walking over to one of the swings where he sat rocking so slowly that he seemed still. He felt hands pushing his body from behind, scared he looked at the boy behind him, he had a smile on his face and waved him with a hand.

"Sorry, I thought you needed to be pushed." He spoke and did not seem at all nervous.

"I'm fine, but thank you..." There was a momentary silence before he interrupted again. "I am Yoongi."

"Hoseok, although my mommy calls me Hobi."

He smiled, offering himself this time to push the swing, they spent minutes like this just helping each other take a walk pleasantly. He didn't even think about it when Hoseok offered to talk to Jimin and Taehyung about how they'll all play together in teams.

Now in the present, he smiled again remembering how he met Jin that same day, he had collided with him when he was running so as not to be caught by Jimin. His older friend was flushed with anger, screaming for her flowers and his dirty clothes. His grandmother teased him a bit making him deny even more, he followed Yoongi for several minutes until the chase because of her desire to hit him became a game.

They both fell to the ground tired, laughing before Hoseok introduced himself to Jin. Namjoon arrived shortly after, curious about the commotion and why he had gotten bored of sitting for so long, as he explained later. Besides that his father didn't have the best conversation starters.

He cried so much that very day when he had to go home again, promising to return soon.

"We have everything ready, are you ready?" Jin stood next to him, his eyes looked at him but he couldn't recognize his childhood friend. The same one that he offered to organize his birthday parties when his parents could not afford them, the same one that he never took advantage of his money to lower it. The one who hugged him as many times as he could when he came out of his therapies after his parents died.

Who was this man?

"Y-yes." He murmured still stunned. He got up, following in his footsteps with his head lowered.

They opened the door showing him, you were distracted biting the cloth in your mouth and trying to move your hands to free them.

Your body felt the same repetitive chill making you look at them feeling their presences so... uncomfortable.

"Enough." Jin ordered as you continued your insistent useless movement, trying to free yourself. "I'm not playing around, stop."

Me neither, idiot. You clench your teeth as much as you can at not being able to say it out loud, you stubbornly keep moving even faster than before. Your hair falls on your face from your busy tossing and you stare at him, challenging his patience and judgment.

You try not to tremble when he approaches you with intentions that deep down manage to scare you. But you continue, the bed moves as fast as you do until his hand falls against your cheek causing a gasp to come out of your gagged mouth.

"Hyung!" Yoongi claims holding her hand to prevent her from trying to hit you again, you feel the particular burning on your right cheek and the tears growing back in your eyes. "Please, no blows. That was not what we agreed on."

Jimin cleared his throat, a satisfied smile on his face, "We never specified anything, actually... Yoongi-hyung."

"Jimin is right, you never specified any kind of restriction for her and us." Namjoon clarified making you look at them confused, it was as if they were talking in terms of employment or contract.

But you had never signed anything.

"B-but they can't do that, they'll never accomplish anything if they force her." He tried to persuade him but Jungkook sighed, dropping his phone to the ground and then stepping on it like it was worthless. "She will just hate them."

"She will do it anyway, if we let her off her or try to convince her to stick with sweet words she won't think twice and she will run away ready to report us for kidnapping."

"In addition to the damages that she suffered here." Namjoon continued to condemn Jungkook, uplifting her surname and her family's status.

"You are in this with us or against us, there is still a free place in the basement for you with chains just as heavy."

Again, the same chill ran through you causing you to cringe in your place. These men were insane, they were capable of betraying each other, and worse, they could possibly also consider shooting themselves in the back when they weren't looking at each other. All for you, as if you were some kind of prize for winning and owning.

After moments that seemed eternal, Taehyung was releasing your mouth as you began to complain about what they were doing, how they dared and demanding freedom.

Really a classic, so much so that it was witty and hilarious that you said it literally.

They forced you to kneel on the ground with your hands on your legs still perfectly tied. More questions filled your mouth not knowing what they were planning, all you could do was look at them so scared it was adorable.

"Uh... Well... I guess one should go first." Jin says, taking a few steps away from your crouched figure.

Jimin stepped forward, standing in front of you causing you to look up from your spot below him.

"What are you doing?" You ask weakly, you try to drag yourself away when his hand struggles with his pants to remove it but Jin holds you in place. Getting on his knees to speak into your ear softly.

"You better take a breath instead of trying to run away, honey. I thought you were smarter... hm?" He laughs mocking your scared face, you refuse to open your eyes and mouth making him stop laughing in annoyance.

Jimin sighs taking your face in his hands so roughly that they will surely leave a purple mark on your skin. He was still dressed, I was hoping I could humiliate you more and then fuck your mouth until you suffocate while his hyung explains everything to you. How it all started, his obsession, his plan, they had planned everything so perfect that it was terrifying, everything monopolized on one board.

Soon as soon as possible you will just be a cute housewife and you will forget your life before that day. Not for nothing did they have a closet full of cheerful and homely outfits ready for you, they wanted to destroy you and then put you back together just to serve them.

You would be his wife, of everyone.

"Come on, little bitch..." Jimin started, reaching over to kiss you on the lips even though you refused to do so. You really no longer had a vote or a word of objection in his plans. "Open your eyes darling, you don't want a stray bullet to land in your mother's skull, do you?" He threatened making you obey even more scared than before.

"P-please don't hurt my mother!" You sob, clasping your tied hands in supplication.

"Oh, we won't.... yet." He whispered kissing your lips one last time before imposing himself on your kneeling body. Her cock came out of her pants, stroked a few times before guiding it to your lips. Your stomach contracted, and you pulled your face away as far as you could before Hoseok held you by the hair tightly pulling you close again. "Take it, baby. Everything will be fine if you just obey."

"I hate them, they disgust me" You whisper before Jin forced you to open your mouth making you take it, you fight for a few seconds but her hips are already moving making you choke and gasp. His moans are so loud they make you squirm but his hands hold your head close to him.

"I told you you'll take a breath, but you're a dumb whore." His breath is hitting your neck directly, your skin crawling trying to distract you from anything other than Jimin's cock in your throat causing you to gag and vomit. "I bet you're wondering why, what did you do, and nothing really. Or if Yoongi!"

You do not look at your boyfriend before, you only focus on Jin who smiles, caressing your body with his hands, almost exceeding your limits. However, what did it matter if he did it, there was nothing you could do for yourself.

"You were only here, I think we all loved you from the first moment we saw you. We spent many nights wondering what was special about you, many of us had dated women before but you... You were so different, you had something that attracted us and it made us go crazy. " His hands squeezed your breasts causing you to gasp on Jimin's cock who moaned with pleasure, continuing his steady and hard rhythm. "Taehyung got involved in the matter. "

Jimin smirked when your eyes went up to him, your eyes showing how angry and helpless you felt. And it was exquisite.

"I bet you didn't know about your beloved boyfriend's background,locked up in a rehab center for alcoholics for two years. Three years taking therapy for his depression after the tragic death of his parents, quite strong actually." His words had such a strong past but from his mouth they came out as if it were not so important. Something common for him. "I'm surprised he loved you so much and didn't tell you."

You cried unable to turn your face to look at him, deep down you wanted to put Yoongi aside and not hate him for this. But it seemed almost impossible when he was there, doing nothing, so calm that it was unreal that he had ever looked at you directly and declared his love to you over and over again. For months.

"He really was fine for a while until we decided to make him fall again, one drink after another... First trust him, then question their relationship and finally make them argue." A laugh left his lips, it was almost uncomfortable that he was the only one doing it. Everyone else was so quiet just watching. "But I can't give myself all the credit, let me introduce ourselves well, my dear."

Jimin walked away from you letting you breathe again, you had almost forgotten that he had been doing that act against you. Your tied hands help you hold off the ground by not being able to breathe properly, you feel so weak that you are about to pass out but you refuse to look weak in front of them.

"Kim Seokjin, son of the best chefs in the country and heir owner of thousands of five-star restaurants, inside and outside the country." His body crouched down, making an extremely long bow. Namjoon stood next to him, with the same smile from the day he met you. "Kim Namjoon, the only and adored son of the best lawyers and mayoral candidates, future presidents if occasion permits." There was a strange tone behind his voice, with a knowing wink. "I thought you can guess what Hoseok's parents do, but I'll tell you just in case. Great psychiatrists recognized for their countless achievements outside and within the country, having a tradition from generation to generation, capable of manipulating even the cleverest mind like yours."

Hosoek smiled at you, but this time his smile showed malice and pride. All that time you were surrounded by people who wielded a certain power and influence, oblivious to the fact that they could ever use it against you.

"Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung... Maybe you heard about their surnames on the news two years ago? Families specialized in medicine, their knowledge dazzles science and biology. Before allies and now both surnames are enemies competing for the market, but who would say that their children would meet secretly and use their same knowledge to retain a precise treasure." His hand stroked your hair causing you to recoil angrily, with a grimace of disgust and resignation. "Well... Finally Jungkook, son of the best technology creators in the country. Capable of creating anything, millionaires obviously, like everyone. Faithful lovers and devoted to he son, giving him everything he wants. " He stopped for a moment and then brought his hand to your ear taking out one of your earrings, you looked at him confused before he opened it showing a tiny device that lit up. "Even creating a more than wonderful device, a tracker of the smallest size."

You opened your mouth completely petrified, looking at each and every one of them. Most of them had a firm and conceited posture, but your eyes only looked at him.

"Were you in on this?" You ask by moving your body slightly, Yoongi only remains silent, avoiding looking at you at all costs, even if it is out of mercy you demand a simple word. "Speak! Tell me! Tell me!" You scream completely out of control, letting out all your frustration and anger with him, just him. It's all his fault. "Tell me now! To finally be able to completely hate them all... Please tell me, I just want to stop inventing and fooling my head trying to justify why you are standing there doing nothing for me" You sob almost exhausted, " Without helping me, when before you said you love me."

His eyes meet yours a few seconds before Jungkook chimed in, completely certain that you were trying to play your manipulation cards to get rid of them. Funny, they had done the same to catch you, their hyung could sometimes be so... credulous. That it was ironic that she was older than him.

"Good enough talk for today." He demanded, causing you to hide your head again in fear. You were so scared, even with the pain in your cheek and jaw from being forced by Jimin, you would never give up on them.

Your mouth felt dry, you couldn't remember the last time you drank water alone. As if they could read your thoughts, Taehyung appeared with a tray with a glass of water and a purple pill.

"Take that away from me." You scream when he tries to put the pill in your mouth, backing up as far as your bound legs will allow.

He sighs bored, as if he doesn't have the patience to deal with it, "If you want water you'll have to do this."

"What is it?" You ask almost breathless from the lack of water in your body, he smiles before bringing the pill to his face to look at it rolling it on his finger.

"Hm... Vitamins." Respond after hesitating. "Everything you need in one compact little pill. It was an invention by Jimin and me, we were hoping you would be the first to try it."

A few seconds ago you remember hearing about the reputations of both families, they were specialists who probably passed that knowledge on to their children. If they knew what they were doing with them, they would be shocked. Your reasoning tells you no, to throw it away and try to run away but your head and body can't take it anymore, they demand water and a rest.

"I-it's okay." You accept, removing the pill and the glass of water from the tray angrily. You put the pill in first, then the water so hard your mouth hurts from the force.

You return the glass silently, eyeing him suspiciously before sitting back down and walking a few inches away. You wait for everyone to do something, but they stay so still as dolls that it scares you, everything about them and their attitudes was creepy.

I wish you had noticed earlier.

And now you feel it, it was not pain, nor anxiety. I was just calm, the noises seem to decrease and your vision does not blur but you feel so relaxed that you do not seem to be affected by any drugs. You could feel it all, but you didn't care.

It was relaxing but you weren't far this time, you remember the previous scenes. When you ate the food they gave you, it was similar but as if it had been modified so that you can remain docile and obedient, but at the same time you know what they are doing.

Your body falls on the bed, you don't even try to get up. Your brain isn't thinking about that, it just gets distracted by the decorations around it, but it clearly perceives one of them nearby. Namjoon is behind your body lying face down, half is on the bed and your legs are still kneeling on the floor. You feel his kisses so desperate on your neck, his hands touching your breasts and stomach trying to lower himself further, anxious not to wait to fuck you as he always wanted and should have been.

You do not fight when his legs open yours with force and speed, you just stand still, thinking with your head glued to the soft sheets of the bed, deep down you can slightly feel your desire to push him and push him away furiously, you want to do it but not you do. You feel so confused that you sob into the sheets in released frustration.

"I thought I heard from you, that her wouldn't refuse anything with his stupid pill." Jin whispers, disgusted seeing you struggle with yourself in search of reason.

"I don't see her deny it." Jimin retorts, crossing his arms with a small victorious smile.

Yoongi stands aside, not wanting to accept this but likewise, like you, does nothing to avoid it while Namjoon sinks deep inside you causing you to writhe overwhelmed and let out a groan of pain, your mouth opens to complain and probably ask him to stop, but he instantly closes again only releasing more gasps and squeals.

They spend minutes with all eyes on you, taking the cock of her friend who abuses your sore pussy from overstimulation, this time you are crying and begging for mercy to stop. Even in your unconsciousness you continue to feel all the pain and also the pleasure that is now almost non-existent.

"S-stop!" You cry between gasps of exhaustion, your hands had been released by Jungkook seconds ago so that you can hold on properly. However, you only use them to try to ward off Namjoon who is holding you against the bed by slamming his body against yours with obscene noises. The bed squirms like you, colliding with the wall in sync.

"A little more baby... Just a little more... And I'll fill you with my cum, so fucking tight. You like that, hm?" Her breath very close to your cheek makes you react, you squeeze your eyes almost suffering from your next inevitable orgasm. You scream making everyone watch you fascinated by how your face contracts with pleasure and pain, you try to walk away when the moment of ecstasy recedes, but he continues to fuck you bareback hard, selfishly chasing the release of him against you.

You spent hours repeating the same routine, sometimes sometimes even more hours than you can remember or count.. Your body was completely covered with bruises and marks not only made by them manually, you had discovered in the worst way that Hoseok had a great fetish to make small cuts to any animal or person that had skin and that glistening blood came out of those wounds, red as hell and as sweet as ambrosia.

A delicacy, truly a true delicacy blessed by God.

Jin could not stop laughing at your overwhelmed face, sometimes he would sit next to you while your body was fucked uncontrollably, watching your face move on the sheets with the constant and hard movements of his friends.

"Do you enjoy it, you dirty bitch?" You knew he was making fun of it, not only because it denigrated your dignity, but also because you couldn't answer correctly and the only thing that moved was your head up and down from the thrusts. As if you were affirming his disgusting words. "You like it right?" And again. "I bet you will enjoy it every day from now on, do you want to marry us, little bitch? Be ours forever, that we fuck you every damn day like that, that we also fill you up that you would get pregnant, you would have our children , and you would gladly. Do you accept _______?"

You did not want to know where he managed to get your last name, nor your full name and less because he thought that after the effect of whatever they had given you, you would really accept being his damned wife.

But he just stands there, watching Jungkook abuse his new power against you and taunt him.

I just wanted to wait for everyone to leave, so I could hug you, heal you, and ask for forgiveness.

He couldn't save you if he was chained to the basement like they threatened to do. He was afraid of his own friends, who looked at him madly when hours before he thought of withdrawing from the plan, Hoseok as charismatic as he always claimed to be able to cut his neck so easily if I took you away from them.

Now, they were doomeds.

The painting lost its color once more.

[thap1nkblog]

         ❝𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞'𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐬❞              

                     𝐬𝐢𝐧 𝐜𝐢𝐭𝐲, a short story

   ❝our love was such a tangled mess, i’m suprised i’m still standing.❞

ㅤㅤㅤ𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐩𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐝: april 7th, 2022

ㅤㅤㅤ𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 3,751 words

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: [18+] this story contains mature language and mature themes. as well as  mentions and depictions of grief, trauma, depression, and substance abuse. 

                             𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠

    robb bank$ as TRAVIS GIBBON-WILLIAMS

    halle bailey as ELMIRA “TEDDI” BAILEY

“part one” 

                            𝐢, elmira

It was the summer of my approaching junior year when my sister died.

To be quite honest, sometimes it feels like we both died that day. It hit me like a truck, like someone pulled the wool from over my eyes. Just in the blink of an eye, the snap of my fingers, my sister was gone. My sister, Cassandra, was one of the smartest, kindest, carefree and most beautiful people I had ever got the chance to know. We were inseparable – wherever she went I went, and vice versa. Only two years apart, I was always looking to her for guidance and advice, simply because I wanted to be just like her. There're not enough words in the world to describe the bond we shared, and with her gone, I felt alone in the cold, hard world.

I most definitely lost a part of myself – I mean, we spent nearly our entire lives together, constantly staying in touch even when we decided to go to separate universities. I was now left by myself, left to pick up the pieces, and I took it hard. We were there for each other when we were freaking out about midterms, papers, there when we were having problems with our friends, there when we felt we just needed a little pick me up. So, after her death, I retreated into myself. I was no longer that outgoing, happy go-lucky girl. My smiles no longer lit up the room anymore – I had no reason to smile.

About seven months after that, I met him.

Valentine's Day to be exact.

It was at some local restaurant near campus, called Alberto's. Cassandra and I ate there all the time, but I hadn't dared to go back since her death. It didn't sit right with me – nor did it feel fair to her. I'd walk past the restaurant on my way to class everyday, but since then, I took a different route.

My friends stumbled upon the dumb idea of setting me up on a date, with someone from my economics class. After waiting over an hour for him to show up, walking in and out of the restaurant looking for him, and texting my friends to find out what was going on – I came to the realization that I had been stood up. I remember sitting at that table, watching all the couples hold hands affectionately across the table while they recounted how they met, and much they were in love, surprising each other with chocolates and flowers.

"Would you like a menu, miss?"

"Uh, sure."

"Could I get you started off with one of our cocktails? We have a Valentine's Day special."

There was a pitying, sad look in the waitress's eyes, and I couldn't bring myself to make complete eye contact with her while she took my drink order. I needed more time to look through the menu, since it had changed since the last time I was here, and I was so absorbed in deciding what to eat that I didn't even notice him slide into the red, leather seat across from me. Without even as much as a hello, when I looked up I found myself making direct eye contact with his slightly low, dark brown eyes.

"Do you mind if I sit with you?"

"You're already sitting down."

"What's a girl like yourself sitting alone by yourself on Valentine's Day anyway?"

"I got stood up."

It had come out a bit more sharp and rougher than I expected, and his eyes widened, the whites of his eyes slightly red. The scent of weed and cologne wafted from his clothes, covering him in a thin veil of false sobriety.

"His loss."

I was covering part of my face with the menu, and when I dropped it down, he smiled at me, revealing a set of white teeth. The menu caught his eye, and with his tattooed hands, he slightly leaned forward and picked up the flimsy, plainly designed, plastic covered sheets of paper. His thick, dark eyebrows furrowed while his eyes danced across the pages, intently looking for something to decide on.

"I'm Travis."

"Elmira."

"You come here a lot?"

"I used to. The menu changed."

As if on cue, the waitress returned, her eyes wide as she approached the table. Placing my cranberry lemonade on the coaster before me, she pulled out her notepad, asking us if we were ready to order. Before I could say anything, Travis had taken it upon himself to order for the both of us – ordering a plate of nachos for appetizer, and for me a plate of hot honey glazed chicken sliders. I don't really remember what he ordered, but I have the feeling that it was something similar.

"I come here pretty often, so I hope you don't mind me ordering for you."

He licked his plump, pink bottom lip before taking a sip of his drink from the straw – ordering something tropical and fruity smelling. Pushing his shoulder length, dark locs off his shoulders and leaning forward towards me, I noticed the Cuban link, diamond chain he was wearing. It kept catching the light, the collection of stones seeming to twinkle and dance in unison. He smirked when he realized it caught my interest, and for a moment I saw a glint of something else in his eyes – I still don't know what it was, even now.

I honestly don't why I didn't run for the hills once he sat down at my table. I mean, I had no business being there anyway, but yet when Travis started talking, his deep, relaxed voice sent shivers down my spine and reeled me in. He wanted to get to know me. He asked me what I did, what I liked to do, and he seemed genuinely interested.

Something about him was very open and inviting, but at the same time very closed off. As cliché as it sounds, there was a very mysterious energy around him, and it made me want to know more. It was like playing with fire.

"I got it."

When the waitress brought around the check, Travis didn't hesitate to pay. I watched as he dug around in his pockets, and I expected for him to pull out his wallet. I know my eyes nearly popped out of my head when he pulled out a stack of hundreds, held together by a rubber band. He left two bills – one for our forty-five-dollar meal and another as a tip for the waitress. She was overjoyed when she came back, and quickly gave Travis back his change, clearing our table. As we left, Travis held the door open for me, and a cool, chilling breeze welcomed us outside.

"So, where are you going after this?"

"Probably back to my place, I have some reading I could catch up on."

"I don't really want the night to end, though. You want to do something else?"

He paused, staring down into my eyes intently, almost trying to gauge my reaction. It was forward, I had to my admit. I was suprised. Why? Maybe surprised that he was interested enough in me to continue our date - if I could even call what just happened a date.

"Sure, we can."

But yet, I remember feeling extremely comfortable in that moment, comfortable with him. I didn't even hesitate to say yes. I didn't really want the night to end either. I would do anything to not go back to my place, wrecking my brain over homework and thoughts about my sister.

Travis and I spent the next few hours walking around the New York City streets, talking about any and everything, and indulging in the Valentine's Day nightlife. We had went to go see fireworks at the park, he bought me a bouquet of flowers, and was generally an all around gentleman. I didn't care about being stood up, because what happened in it's place was way better.

Travis had even rode the bus with me all the way back to my apartment, and as we stood awkwardly outside, I felt compelled to invite him in. Hell, I blurted it out without even giving it a second thought.

"Travis?"

"Yeah?"

"Um..do you wanna come inside? My roommates aren't here, they're at the movies."

It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what happened next.

I remember feeling like he swooped in like a knight in shining armor, eager to save the princess from this tall, intimidating tower in the sky. But fairytales aren't real, and nothing is really as it seems.

I didn't tell anybody about my relationship with Travis until probably about five months after we started dating. At first, it was just casual hookups, and then he told me he wanted more, that he wanted to show me more, that he wanted me. I was skeptical - I was scared of putting my heart on the line. It was already weak from the loss of my sister. I didn't know what I'd do if Travis ripped it to shreads.

But he was very convincing.

So I became his girlfriend.

Was that a mistake?

Probably, but I was still so depressed from my sister's passing. I wanted to feel something, anything – coupled with the fact that I felt like I was drowning, gasping for air because I was losing control of myself and everything around me. Travis dove in and pulled me out of the water – pulled me out of my despair and self-loathing.

He was so sweet, and kind, always wanting to take me out, wanting to buy me things, wanting to show his interest in me. He wasn't a man of many words – and by that, I mean he let his actions speak for themselves. I knew, or at least I thought I knew what to expect. He made me feel like we were the only two left in the world, with a sacred and beautiful bond that nobody else could understand but us two. Our romance was sensual, erotic, mesmerizing, in fact there isn't enough words to describe how at times he made me feel – both good and bad.

However, I should've known that when I brought him home for the first time, and the looks he received by my friends and parents – that I was making another mistake. I was in too deep now, too far from land, too wound up in my infatuation and desire and interest in him to turn back. At the time I thought that they were misjudging him, that they were only acting like that because he was covered in tattoos, that he didn't look "good", that they were just too uppity and snobby.

I didn't see anything wrong with Travis. He accepted me and my flaws.

A year in, I was beginning to see how he really was. A two-faced monster.

I was beginning to notice how little I really knew about Travis. I knew the basic stuff – full name, age, parents, birthplace – but I really didn't know him. I was realizing quirks and traits and mannerisms that didn't quite sit well with me, and that he was really only wanting me to know him to a certain extent. For one, Travis was possessive – he always wanted to know where I was, what I was doing, who I was around, who were they around. It almost border lined on outright paranoia – he wanted to be with me almost wherever I went. He was aggressive, often times like someone had flipped a switch in his head to maximum overdrive and that he couldn't be tamed. There were times where he shook me around or scared me to the point where I thought he'd hit me.

The man that I felt so comfortable with at that table vanished and appeared in phases.

It took me four months to notice that he was selling drugs out of our apartment. I won't say too much about that – but I have had a few close calls and have felt like someone was watching my every move whenever we went out. He hid it so well, I never knew what he was really into until some random man had showed up at our front door, demanding to see him.

Travis's two most unredeemable qualities were that he was a liar, and a cheater.

"What the fuck do you want me to say? Yes, Elmira, you caught me, I cheated. You're gonna leave?"

"At least say you're sorry."

I was constantly playing this game of cat and mouse with him. Travis knew how to weasel his way back into my life even when I didn't want him to. He knew just what to say, what to do, and how to do it. I was too blind and too in love with him to know better, I just thought that he wanted to fight for our relationship. I didn't want to lose my best friend, someone who brought me joy in my darkest times, someone who I could depend on, someone who I damn near could see my future with. And he knew it. He exploited it.

"She didn't mean anything to me."

"She came onto me."

"We were just talking."

He'd swear up and down to me that he was a changed man and that he was going to do better, and wanted to be better. I'd look into his eyes and melt right into the palm of his hand. Once again in his grasp, once again going out to dinner with him, once again ending up in his bed, and once again waking up next to him in the morning thinking that everything was going to be better from here on out.

"I promise you, I'll do better."

"Don't promise me things you know you won't keep."

I wanted to run. But where would I run to? I had spent so long running away from my other problems and placing my baggage on Travis that to be alone felt worse than staying with Travis. Being alone meant that I'd have to deal with everything I had been hiding from. He was a demon in human flesh, but the demons I had been pushing to the back of my head and keeping them at bay by being so invested in him scared me far worse than anything Travis could do or say to hurt me.

Travis was ruining me, and by staying with him I was sure that I was going to wither away into nothing.

But being nothing with somebody was far better than being nothing by myself.

I had made so many mistakes and ignored so many red flags, nothing that Travis did surprised me anymore.

We had a big argument one night – bigger than any of the other ones we've had. I found a pair of pink, crotchless panties on the couch that most definitely weren't mine. They were tucked into the couch behind the cushions. I remember being so mad, so fuming, so hurt and upset that I couldn't even think straight. I was seeing red, and as soon as Travis came through the door, high as a kite, just seeing him made me even more mad.

"So you thought it was okay to bring one of your random hoes over here? To where we live?"

Travis gave me a blank stare, his glassy, red eyes bouncing back and forth between me and the panties on the counter. I had proof of his cheating before - text messages between him and the girls he'd talk to. But never physical evidence. Until that day. I often wondered how I hadn't caught something from him yet.

"You make me so fucking sick! I know you stick your dick in anything that fucking talks to you, but I expected you to at least have some respect for where we live! But no, you can't even do that."

"Me saying I'm sorry isn't going to fix it."

"I can't believe I still stay with you even after you hurt me like this! You don't give a fuck about me, so why won't you just let me go, Travis? Matter fact, why don't you just leave? I wish you would've never walked into that fucking restaurant."

I remember throwing anything I could at him, and at one point, he had to physically restrain me.

Everything came up to the surface. I wasn't ashamed to admit that part of me hated Travis with every fiber of my being. Hated him for ruining me, hurting him for not letting me go, hating him for treating me any way he could and making up for it with material gifts. I hated myself for even staying with him for that long. I knew fully well he didn't give a shit about me, but I wanted him to so bad so I stayed. He left me longing for his respect and care, but even that was fake. I hated our relationship. I hated what my life had turned out to be. It felt like I had failed myself. My parents. My friends.

My sister.

After our argument, he disappeared, probably off to drown his feelings between another girl's legs. He didn't even say anything – he simply packed a bag, left a stack of money on the counter, and left, and I remember him slamming the door behind him.

I didn't see or hear from him for a month after that. When he came back I didn't even bombard him with questions – I didn't want to know what he did while he was away. My heart wouldn't be able to take it. So we simply picked up from where we left off, both of us erasing our argument and time apart out of our heads.

It was really late when he came back, and he looked really tired, so we went to bed. When I climbed in beside him, he draped his tattooed arm over me, pulling me in closer to him. His fingers searched for my hand, interlocking our fingers tightly. On his hand I noticed something new – the tattooed ink of my name, dancing up his ring finger. I felt him softly kiss my shoulder blade.

"I love you. I'm sorry I can't be the man you need me to be."

That next morning, after a late breakfast, I had gotten unreasonably nauseous and threw up everything I had eaten. That wasn't normal for me – so I instantly checked my period app on my phone. I was late. Extremely late. I hadn't even noticed that my period hasn't come in two, almost three months – I just figured that I was really stressed out. I had valid reasons to be stressed out – my boyfriend couldn't stop cheating on me, he just appeared out of thin air from who knows where, and in trying to deal with it I was getting behind in my classes and had to play catch up.

The first thing I did was rush out and buy a couple of boxes of pregnancy tests – there had to be another reason why my period hasn't come, there absolutely had to be, any reason was better than the fact that I might be pregnant. Anything. I didn't want to be pregnant. I wasn't in the right mind to get pregnant. I'd give anything to not be pregnant by him.

I took the first one.

Positive.

I took the second one.

Negative.

The third and fourth one.

Positive.

I was frozen. I instantly dumped them in the trash, pacing the apartment back and forth, trying to figure out my options. Every girl usually has an idea of what they would do if they found out they were faced with an unwanted pregnancy, but they really don't. At least I didn't. I didn't have anyone to consult – I couldn't tell my mom, that's for damn sure, I couldn't tell my sister because she was dead, and my friends were all to preoccupied with midterms. I couldn't even say the word. Just thinking about it made me sick. It wasn't like breaking a glass when you're a kid and just hiding it so nobody finds out – I was a grown woman.

A grown woman having unprotected sex with my boyfriend even when I knew he damn near stuck his dick in anything with a pretty face and vagina.

Then, the front door opened. I was in the bathroom, and I could hear the jingle of Travis's keys, and the clink sound that they made when he dropped them on the counter. He sighed deeply, and his heavy footsteps made their way towards the fridge, the airlock seal breaking when he pulled the door open. Then it fell really quiet. Eerily quiet.

Then I remembered.

I left one of the boxes on the counter.

"Teddi?"

His voice trembled, almost coming out in a breathless whimper. I had never heard him sound like that before. He hadn't called me that in so long – only when he was in trouble, or was feeling very affectionate – but the way he said it was so different. The meaning behind it was so different. The way it made me feel was different.

He said my name again, this time clearing his throat – a poor attempt in trying to shake the obvious fear in his voice – and I emerged from the bathroom, revealing myself to him. I couldn't bring myself to look at him, I was too scared, too scared of where this conversation was going to go, too scared of his reaction. His arms were down by his sides, his left hand clutching the box tightly, folding the flimsy box inwards. He said my name again, stepping towards me, but I stepped back.

My stomach was doing backflips, and I felt the urge to throw up again.

"Was it positive?"

I nodded.

I looked up into his face, and I almost thought I saw tears forming in his eyes, but if they were there they had vanished. His face was straight and stoic, and he almost seemed to be staring through me. Was he wondering what I was thinking? Because I was wondering what was running through his mind. He was very stiff, and dropped the box from his hand. He closed his eyes, taking a deep, deep breath, letting it out in one big exasperated exhale. He started pacing, rubbing his face, cursing under his breath. He paused to look at me, and this time he had tears in his eyes and on his cheeks.

"Travis?"

"Teddi, I'm so sorry."

He just kept repeating it over and over, dropping to his knees.

"I might be going to prison."

And in that moment - being pregnant didn't seem so bad.

“part two”

[marshmallowprotection]

I'm curious, Kait!

I read some stuff from you and saw in one of the tags that you also adore Saeran's VAE version a lot?

Have you ever explained why that is? If not, I would love to know why exactly that version.

I think I've talked about VAE Ray and VAE Suit Saeran in stories and my long-winded explanations of what happens to them after V’s Route for people plenty of times; I’ve written plenty of comfort drabbles on my blog, and then there’s that whole [VAE fic where Ray and Saeran are maids, and it’s a lot more serious than it sounds, I swear]. However, I don't think I've ever been asked to say why I love the two of them in that timeline before. 

I definitely feel a strong emotional bond to that timeline. I’ve been playing this game since 2016 and I’ve been here from the start, and I remember a time when we didn’t have Another Story. I remember being excited for it because it meant I had a chance to finally have time with Ray, but V Route came out first and there was no telling when the other route would open, if at all. Fortunately, it did, and to my joy, it was right around my 21st birthday since my fondest memory of that day is getting to play Ray’s Route during that time. But, regardless, back to what I was saying, I bonded with Ray so much in that time. 

I only did V’s Route because it was the only way to get to him, and it clicked for me. I don’t know how or why, but Ray was the one for me. I’ve always felt a very strong connection to him because we’re a lot alike, and I feel like him very often just because of the mannerisms and things we share. 

Ray in that route struck a hard nerve with me, and having to sit through that route for him was rough. He suffers a lot and he winds up being left alone and seemingly abandoned by those that he trusted, he has nothing and as we all know, for him, the only two things that have kept him going are you and a need for revenge. 

When he loses that, he has nothing. He realizes that there’s no hope for him and he gives up. He hits a very hard and depressing wall, and just like I was touched by SE Saeran’s depression and journey in the Secret Endings, this ending struck me harder with a lot of personal grief and feelings. I know what it feels like, I’ll let it stay at that. That Ray... gives up, but he doesn’t die. He keeps living despite it all. He struggles to understand why he’s alive and what’s the purpose of going to live a life after everything he’s suffered. He’s scarred, burned, and nobody in his life is ever going to look at him without seeing the grief written on his skin. 

In the same way that SE Saeran realizes that he’s going to have to keep living and he’s going to have to find a reason worth fighting every day of his life going forward. I think SE Saeran and VAE Ray have that in common. I think there’s a lot that can be said about that, and these two are a parallel of each other. 

I’ve always said that Ray and Unknown have a lot in common, and it’s no different in this situation since VAE Ray and SE Saeran are the two that remain after those things they suffered, while MC is romantically involved with someone else. Will those two ever find love again? Who’s to say. It’s not impossible, but VAE Ray has it rough. 

He’s known love and heartbreak... and moving forward with that and the weight of his trauma is his battle. It strikes a cord with me, that’s all. I value those strong feelings and experiences. Also, I just want to show VAE Ray that it’s okay to live through that pain and move on, never forgetting, but realizing that it’s okay to be able to let go and find yourself, find new experiences, and new love. In the same way that I’m learning the same thing. If anything, I’m a very strong and plain as day VAE Ray kinnie. 

But, honestly, I love all the Saeran’s and Ray’s. There’s things to love about all of them, truly... Ray and VAE Ray just wind up being the strongest for me most of the time. 

[storyknitter]

Fictober ‘21, Day 8

Prompt number: 8. "This is it, isn't it?"

Fandom: Star Wars: The Old Republic

Rating: Teen+

Warnings/Tags: implied death, heavy grieving (aka Time Skip Angst)

— Coruscant, Jedi Temple, 18ATC

Theron glanced over at his partner as she tugged her gloves tighter once more. The green-gold familial tattoo on her face twisted as she grimaced.

“Remind me to tell Trant to shove off the next time he tries to send me back here, yeah?” Linnė said with a shudder.

Honesty, he didn’t blame her. This place was depressing enough without being able to see the memories entombed here with a simple touch: psychometry and a massive trauma didn’t really seem like a great combination. How many Jedi had died here during the Sacking?

“Absolutely. I’ll tell him the same damn thing,” Theron said softly, and she answered with a snort. A somber, yet companionable, silence fell between them again; the fact that this beautiful and elaborate temple had become a graveyard was not lost on either of them. Turning a corner, they came to a halt before an intricately etched doorway. Debris littered the area, but miraculously, none obscured the path forward.

“This is it, isn’t it,” Linnė said. She glanced his way and the look on her face said she didn’t really need an answer. With a deep breath and pursed lips, she slowly removed a glove and stepped forward, reaching out to touch the door. A few seconds later, she yanked her hand back as though the door had burned.

Theron thought it wise if he didn’t ask what she’d seen and set out to blast the door open: he placed small explosive packs around the frame, carefully linking their wires together while Linnė retreated to the safety offered around the corner behind them. After triple-checking the gear, he joined her and, offering a silent apology to the Jedi who had guarded this place in life, triggered the explosives.

A small pop and the door groaned as it slid open, sending out an avalanche of pebbles and rocks that used to be walls, floors, ceilings.

“That went surprisingly well,” he quipped, and she smacked him, frowning.

“Way to jinx things, idiot,” she hissed. “Now you get to go in first.”

“Fine by me.” Theron casually strolled through the doorway and turned around, arms out in a “well?” gesture.

“Do you have a death wish? You didn’t even bother to scan the floor to see if it would support your weight.”

Linnė may have hit a little too close to the mark, but he wasn’t going to tell her that. Instead, he tapped his implants. “Did you scan the floor?”

With a huff of frustration, she flounced past him and onto their objective: retrieving Jedi artifacts that might aid the Republic.

(Theron had told Trant that this plan felt more like graverobbing than artifact retrieval, but his opinion didn’t seem to mean much to SIS and he and Linnė were sent in anyway.)

They managed to acquire most of the artifacts they had come for—holocrons, data files, and the like—but their planned exit route was blocked by debris; Theron wondered about the age and credibility of the scan of this section of the temple.

“Well, back the way we came from, I suppose,” Linnė said with a sigh. “Let’s just get out of here.”

“No arguments here. After you.”

Something pushed Theron to leave this place as soon as possible, but what it was, he couldn’t say: wariness for the sturdiness of the building or perhaps guilt for trespassing? Possibly. An idea drifted through his thoughts: if he stayed here, would Vassanna show up? Could he even see a Force ghost?

Before he could drag his errant thoughts back into order, vibrations registered in his brain, followed by the screech of duracrete on duracrete. Instinct and years of training took over—he dashed forward, tucking and rolling as what used to be a wall came to rest in the place he’d been standing.

He stood, shaking with adrenaline, and met Linnė’s wide eyes as something metallic clattered across the ground to rest at his feet. Bracing himself for the worst—a booby trap or some other defensive explosion—Theron glanced down to find... a lightsaber. He reached for it, noting the diamond and triangular marks etched into the hilt.

“Wait!”

He froze at Linnė’s command. She handed him the bag of carefully packed artifacts and knelt before the saber. Taking a deep breath, she removed her gloves and picked it up. Instantly, her eyes glazed over as she witnessed the life behind the weapon.

The next few moments were some of the longest of Theron’s life. He was about to try to snap Linnė out of her vision—could he even do that?—when she sat back on the ground with a gasp.

“Are you okay?”

She nodded breathlessly and gave him the strangest look before returning her focus to the hilt. “This belongs to the Jedi Battlemaster,” she whispered, then cleared her throat. “This belongs to the Jedi Battlemaster,” she said again, louder, more confidently. “You need to give it back to her when you see her next.”

“Wait, ‘her’? The current Battlemaster is a male Togruta.”

Linnė shook her head, standing and offering him the saber. “It belongs to a woman. A Mirialan.”

A chill ran down his spine as the air in the room disappeared. “No,” he murmured.

“Yes. Dark hair, chevrons tattooed on her cheeks, violet eyes, a scar— Theron?”

Stars, he couldn’t breathe. That couldn't possibly be right: she had died in Wild Space, not on Coruscant. Glancing down at the saber again, he realized it was a dualsaber—even more evidence that Linnė was wrong.

“No,” he said again, shaking his head. “She has— had two sabers, not one.”

“Look, just trust me. It belongs to her now—Sanna, I think?”

“Vassanna.” Her name was a whisper, but it still unleashed a tide of emotion in his chest.

“And you are meant to give it to her. I don't know how I know, I just do. You’re its keeper until then.” She gently placed the hilt in his hands and took back the bag of their spoils. “Now let’s get the hells out of here before you get any more gifts from the Force.”

--------

If you want to read about what happens years later, here’s where you’ll find it!

[imaginesfora3]

Can I request 8, 22, 25 and 29 with Masumi and Azami?

Izumida Azami: 

8. ♥ Are they loyal to their partners?

There’s not much that matters more to Azami than loyalty. Azami’s eyes don’t stray, not for a single second, and once he’s pledged his loyalty to you it’s clear he’s in it for the long run. He takes everything relationship related very seriously and the courting ritual you went through was time-consuming, and a little old-fashioned, but it showed you that Azami wanted to do it right. He wasn’t about to waste his time on doing all of this for you simply to cheat on you or do something else foolish that would destroy the trust he had built up with you.  

22. ♥ Tell us about a sacrifice they made for their significant other.

Azami would sacrifice his pride as he did the more traditional route of asking your parents for permission to marry you. He knew above all that only your answer mattered but he felt it was better to announce his intentions rather than just have your parents in the dark, depending on how close to them you were. He also hated more than anything have to discuss these types of things with his father as you marrying into his family would be quite a big deal, an embarrassingly big deal, but he was willing to deal with the brunt of the issues to give you peace of mind.

25. ♥ If they could choose their partner again, would they choose the same person?

Azami thinks it’s an awkward question. He doesn’t know what any other version of himself would do because the only one he truly knows is himself, and he knows he’s not exactly thinking about getting another partner. Who would continue dating someone that they wouldn’t pick again? Azami didn’t really get it. 

29. ♥ How do they express their love to their partner?

By nagging you about your skin and overall care. Azami wanted you to live a long and healthy life, some of this admittedly coming from the trauma of losing his mother. He’s not a super stickler for being perfect health-wise in all senses of the word but he assures that you at least get regular check-ups. He also tended to get his frustrations out from you not caring enough about yourself by using your skin as an excuse to dote over you, using some of his best masks to spend the extra time with you so you could at least talk it out and understand his feelings. 

Usui Masumi: 

8. ♥ Are they loyal to their partners?

Masumi is loyal even before you were dating, having eyes only for you and refusing to so much as allow another person to think about him romantically (you had requested he not be so rude to those who confess as they could easily not know he was taken/enamored with someone else). Masumi worked hard to prove that he was the type of man to deserve being your boyfriend so there’s no chance he’d ever back down on his goal.

22. ♥ Tell us about a sacrifice they made for their significant other.

Masumi was fully willing to give up on you. When he was younger the thought never would have crossed his mind and even now it killed him inside, the thought of you without another person was so soul-crushing he was sure he’d never love again. But he didn’t want to hold you back, he didn’t want you to be with him if you truly didn’t care for him in the same way, as he knew that would only wear him down, too. It’s a depressing realization to come to for him but if someone else manages to make you happy in a way that he couldn’t, then he’d have to concede defeat.

25. ♥ If they could choose their partner again, would they choose the same person?

Masumi would choose you again a thousand times, over and over, for the rest of eternity. He has it set in his heart that you’re soulmates, that you’re meant to find each other in each life no matter the circumstances that might keep you apart. You think it’s a surprisingly romantic view but Masumi feels like your connection is too intense for it to just be a one-off deal. He pulled back only slightly at your questioning, telling you with a pout that you were meant to be and he wouldn’t be giving you up easily even if fate tried to separate you. 

29. ♥ How do they express their love to their partner?

With music. Masumi was pretty openly affectionate in all sorts of ways but music was a love language he was well-versed in. It was rare to get a full playlist but he always wanted you to listen to songs he found that reminded him of the two of you, some of them a little melancholy (from the times he thought he might not win you over) to more upbeat. You notice that he plays these songs on repeat more often than not when he first hears them and some of his favorite ones are love songs. 

[maleyanderecafe]

Ordinary Yanderes

Yanderes come in all shapes and sizes, but what exactly causes someone to become a yandere? Often it's a tragic backstory, such as abusive parents or in other cases, they are supernatural beings that were born with obsession or born to be obsessed. But what exactly can cause an average person to become a yandere? Today we'll be talking about ordinary yanderes, those with perfectly average lives that become obsessed with a particular person. This analysis idea came from my friend who I played the Mazm: Phantom of the Opera, and also someone who is going to make a yandere vn, so thank you, Cherry for the analysis recommendation!

One of the most common ways that a regular person can turn into a yandere is after they have some sort of trauma. This is actually something that can cause a lot of different changes to anyone since the trauma is something that is hard to process and go through. I actually had a conversation with my friend Coyoda about this topic while helping Cherry with her vn idea, but the idea is that trauma can often cause a lot of different ways of coping, and the example given was that many survivors of the 9/11 events often become flat earthers sort of as a way to cope. This is actually how a lot of stalkers in real life come to be as well, with someone showing some sort of kindness after they have experienced a traumatic event. This is also a pretty common way that yanderes in media are created, even if before the event they had a pretty regular life, trauma can really cause someone to change completely. This can often be a death of a family member or even a pet or could be something like being forced to be homeless or losing a job. In general, though, a yandere with this sort of origin experiences trauma and then directly is helped by someone (they usually perceive this as kindness, even if it's just a basic gesture), which they then become infatuated and obsessed with.

This is often the origin story of a lot of protective yanderes as well, especially if it involves the MC being in danger. A good example of this is the series Kimi ni koisuru satsujinki (or Killer in Love in English), where the main character, Suzuki, must constantly protect Kokona from the stalkers that are trying to kill her. In this case, Suzuki is a more or less normal person, if not a bit depressed about his life, and it completely gets turned upside-down when he meets Kokona. The general idea for these kinds of protective yanderes is that they are placed in a situation where they have to protect their s/o, but often have to do immoral actions to do so. This usually means that they have good intentions but the wrong way of handling things, however, often they are placed in a situation where they have little to no choice in the manner. A lot of times, these will be life and death situations, but it can also be situations that might cause their life to be worse (for instance, something that can cause their reputation to be ruined or for them to be suddenly bankrupt), though in all of these cases they do something that can be traumatizing or at the least something that leaves an impact on them. The intention/reason has to be related to the s/o, whether it be directly or indirectly, though there can also be other stakes as well. Another example is Ramaru from Your Turn to Die, specifically in the route where Kanna dies instead of Sou. In this version, Ramaru becomes afraid of dying, even as a doll, and while paired up with Sarah, suggests killing off the others to save both of their skins. Sarah basically accepts this idea, manipulating Ranmaru into killing the others, specifically either Alice or Reiko before getting caught. In this scenario because of the dangerous game, they're in, Ramaru becomes so scared that he's willing to kill off the other players just to get him and Sarah to victory, and it's very likely that if he weren't caught, he would have tried to kill off the others. While Ramaru was never necessarily a "normal" person, the change he had was very drastic due to his fear of death within the game, and his condition for winning essentially forced him to protect Sarah for his own safety, even if it meant killing off others. In essence, for this kind of yandere to go from normal to overly protective, they must have some motive to protect the MC from danger, whether fatal or not.

Similarly, instead of the MC being in danger, the MC could become the yandere's "savior". There are a couple ways of doing this. One of the more common ways is to have something bad happen to the yandere that the MC is able to fix or alleviate for them. It can be something simple as again, showing kindness, or something much more like giving the yandere a place to stay. In this stage, the yandere is usually not in the best state of mind as they've often gone through something that is difficult or traumatizing. When the MC "saves" them, the yandere will become endured towards them and will often end up worshipping them as a result. Pulling someone out of a difficult situation might make the yandere become obsessive or view them as someone who is always in the right, even when they're not. They may attempt to drive others away or hurt anyone that might hurt their savior. Another way to do this is through a sort of addiction process. Say for instance, a person has an extreme urge that they can't satisfy, someone who loves to be violent, or someone who is really masochistic, but because of society and the fact that its considered "strange" or "creepy" they don't have a very good outlet for it. This can be something that they've always had but were able to repress or something that can be developed suddenly. If someone, such as the MC were able to provide a proper outlet for it, they would have the power to take it away, forcing the yandere to be come addicted to it, especially if the MC were to give and then suddenly take it away from them. So in the example with the violent yandere, the MC might have a way for them to fight as much as they want, but takes it away from them to control them and forces them back into their original life. However, if the addiction is strong enough, its likely that the yandere will come back for more. While this doesn't necessarily mean that they will become a yandere (especially if someone else is able to help them through their problems more), I think that it is a way to make a more reluctant yandere, one that can't hold back from something that they've been holding onto for their lives. Another variant would be an MC who is able to coax out the bad parts of a yandere (again, something like violence or obsession) and make it seem "okay" for them to do these actions, only for when the world to turn on them, the MC to comfort them and isolate them, making the yandere believe that they're the only one who can save them. This can be done intentionally or unintentionally by the MC in question, since there are ways of making the MC unintentionally bring out specific sides of the yandere.

Another way is to have the yandere learn about love in the "wrong" way. This is probably actually something common in the real world, as often media has romanticized the idea of love and many people often have the wrong conception of what love is. This is something that might be useful for an "ordinary" yandere, as it means that they can have a more or less normal life, but their definition of love is skewed due to other influences. For instance, this yandere might believe that the definition of love is their "soulmate" someone who can never part from them and can never be torn apart. Assuming that this is something that they believe in strongly, its very likely that if this yandere were to ever experience a breakup, they would not react to it well, probably desperately trying to fix what they might have done wrong, or even outright refusing to break up with the person, believing that they are mistaken. This can also be the start of a delusional yandere, especially if their lover is someone that is less than perfect, and the yandere can't fathom why the two soulmates would be able to separate. Another example might be the idea that the yandere believes that lovers must care for each other above everything else. When in a relationship, the yandere is very likely to be the kind of person who will literally do everything to place their lovers relationship first and expect the MC to do the same. It's likely that even if the MC tries their hardest to love the yandere, it may never end up reaching up to the yandere's level of "love", and may even get angry when they feel as if they are putting in more than their lover. This can branch off into a lot of things, such as the MC attempting to work harder for their MC's love to the point of hurting themselves, or even getting angry and threatening the love out of the MC. Generally these kinds of things are something that the yandere builds up because of a specific belief, and they have to be the kind of character who refuses to let go of what their idea of love is and never really learns what love is really about.

The final idea I have is that the yandere was able to learn specific actions from someone close to them. This sort of overlaps with the Parent Yandere and the Generational Yandere, but the idea is that the yandere actions are learned from someone. The more common ones are how the parents act that eventually is transferred down to the children or in the case of generational yanderes, something that is actually within the bloodline. In terms of family, this can also be attached to uncles or aunties who have more of an obsessive streak, especially if they are close to the yandere and teach them about love (for instance, a yandere uncle might tell the yandere that lovers need to be possessive over each other, something that might carry over in the yandere's love life). It can also be someone that isn't directly related to the yandere, such as a friend. If the friend for instance exhibits some sort of yandere traits (for instance, taking pictures of their loved one when they're not looking) the yandere might believe that its a normal action and might end up taking it to the extreme when they have a lover or crush. This might be used to more comedic effect as the yandere takes something that's normally sweet and pulls it out of proportion, or similarly scary depending on reactions and what they do exactly. For this, its often their misconception on how love works and how they viewed it that might end up causing the yandere to become a yandere.

Anyways, there are some ideas on how to make a normal person into a yandere, or at least have someone with a relatively normal life eventually fall into yandereness.

[wisteriabookss]

My ACOSF Review (2/5 Stars)

Please respect my opinions. Not everything I say will be praiseful or nice. While I liked a lot of this book, a lot of it frustrated and bothered me. 

This review contains spoilers. Read at your own risk. 

This review will be more of an overall impression, and I will get more in depth about certain characters in future posts. 

I eventually got into the plot of the book, but I don’t think it was as great or creative as it could’ve been. I feel like SJM recycled ideas she’s already used to create the storyline. A quest to find a magic object that can stop a war and save the world? That sentence applies to both ACOWAR and ACOSF. It’s even more disappointing when you know there were other routes the plot could’ve taken but were eventually scratched. It was the perfect set up for an Illyrian mountain setting, it was written in canon, and, unsurprisingly, SJM retconned and changed it. 

The Valkyrie plot was cool, if a bit forced and out of place. Nesta barely starts training, and all of a sudden she wants to recreate a powerful band of female warriors that we’ve never heard of in the context of this world? Honestly, it feels like SJM watched Thor: Ragnarok, and was like, “Yes, that’s what I’m gonna do.” I thought Helions winged horses would come into play with that, but I guess we’ll have to see.

I thought the Blood Rite plot was gone, but we got it in the end, even though it was rushed. The most beautiful parts of the book happened during the Rite, so I’m glad we got to see those.

The ending of Briallyn was so swift I literally had to go back a page to make sure I read it right. Literally one page, and she’s killed. I expected more. I can’t say I'm surprised by how rushed her death was when I knew the Feysand trouble was approaching, and the number of pages left was getting smaller. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that SJM would save Rhys, Feyre, and their baby. Out of the entire ensemble in Kingdom of Ash, she only had the heart to kill Gavriel, who wasn’t too much of a main character. There was no way in hell she would do that to Feysand. 

I’m sorry, but I do not like the name Nyx. Imagine calling someone Nyx? Did she originally have it as Nick, but just needed to put an X? My eyes were rolling so hard when I read it. Just put an ‘O’ in front of it and end our misery, though I still would’ve rolled my eyes at that name too. The name just reminds me of all the blogger moms who put X’s in their child’s names for dramatic effect that ends up looking like they can’t spell.

I also didn’t appreciate the out of touch colloquialisms in this book either. Prythian doesn’t have a name for anxiety, depression, or PTSD, but they know what lactic acid means?

The amount of sex in this book was something we had been warned to expect, and I think due to the fastness of me reading this book (finished in two sittings), it made it feel like the sex was happening every other page, which it basically was. I’m not going to be mad though because a) it was well written, b) I didn’t feel like it harmed the plot too much, and c) this is the only Nessian smut we’re going to see in canon. But that threesome line with Az. . . y'all know which one I’m talking about. . . the one with the details about certain positions. . .  chile um anyways let’s move on. 

I called it months ago that Emerie would either be Mor or Azriel’s love interest, and looks like it’s going to be Mor. SJM’s writing is fairly predictable, especially when it comes to romantic ships, and she couldn’t have been more obvious about the two of them. I will write about Gwyn and Azriel in Azriel’s chapter review (cause that monstrosity needs a post of its own).

Now about Nesta’s healing arc. Some of it was satisfying and others were saddening. I’m happy that Nesta was able to find purpose in her life, and not believe herself to be worthless or pathetic, but strong and powerful. I’m happy she found Gwynn and Emerie; I love their friendship. I love how they stuck by each other no matter what, and saw the good and potential in one another.

However, even by the end of the book, Nesta still thinks herself as undeserving. Of Cassian, of love. She knows she has it, and she's so grateful for it, but she still believes she is undeserving of it, that Cassian is just so much better than her. A part of learning to love and live with yourself is knowing what you deserve, so why SJM took that from her character, I don’t know. I was continuously disappointed when said she was undeserving of anything, even after she had learned and grown from her mistakes. 

Maybe SJM thinks the belief of being undeserving of one's partner is romantic. I’m telling you now, it’s not. All that does is give unnecessary power to a person you believe you are undeserving of, and this leads to unequal power dynamics in a relationship. Rhys was the exact same with Feyre, so I’m guessing it's a theme.

Speaking of romantic themes, the repetition of the “your mine-im yours” line in this book was nauseating. Your going to make Nesta say the exact same thing her sister said when they had sex? Is there nothing else SJM could’ve come up with? It’s just so weird. And I swear to god if I see Elain do the same thing I’m gonna vomit. 

Nesta apologized to Cassian about what she said to him on Solstice in ACOFAS as if he never called her unlovable. As if he never said he didn’t understand why her sisters love her. He never apologized for that. There was so much apologizing from Nesta to Cassian about her calling him a brute, as if Cassian didn’t say he was “shackled” to her after she clearly explained how she feared she would lose her humanity if she accepted the word mate. Not if she accepted him, but the word. 

For Cassian to routinely tell Nesta to, “shut her fucking mouth,” when she used some attitude against Rhys was comical. Rhys has been bad mouthing and disrespecting Nesta this whole time, and when she shows some warranted attitude in return (not even an insult), Cassian rips into her. It doesn’t matter what he did for you, babe. Not everyone has the same experience with Rhys, so Cassian getting angry when Nesta showing anger at the way she was being treated was wrong. Her experience with him does not become invalidated just because Cassian has a good relationship with him.

There wasn’t a character arc for Cassian, which was one of the most disappointing parts of the book. He thinks of himself as inferior and undeserving as well, and by the end of the book it’s not even clear if that stance has changed. We saw him grow into the courtier persona in the meeting with Eris when Tamlin shows up, but we never see it again. I know there were instances in which he stood up for Nesta, but he also very quicky after that became silent in other moments when they were insulting her. The next book isn’t in his pov, but I’m hoping we see him become more confident in himself and make a firmer stance to protect Nesta (although I doubt he’ll need to seeing as how Rhys kisses the ground she walks on now).

Now onto Nesta’s apologies to the IC. I think Nesta apologizing to Feyre was expected, and I’m glad the sisters had that moment. I am, however, upset that there was never a moment where all the sisters sat down, and hashed it out. Talked about what they’d been through, how it affected them, and how it affected their feelings toward each other. After everything that happened between Nesta and Elain, all that hurt, you’re telling me all it took was Nesta to make Elain laugh by saying “fuck you,” and we’re good? It’s lazy writing. 

Elain telling Nesta that she only cared about how her trauma affected her did not sit right with me. Nesta sat by Elain’s side for weeks when she was in the thick of her struggles, and refused to leave her alone for fear that her struggles would eat her up alive. She constantly looked for anything that could help her sister, and never left her unprotected. Nesta and Elain didn’t communicate after the war, for reasons that we now know was because of Nesta’s guilt for Elain being kidnapped. It is not abnormal when a family member has been traumatized by things that have happened to another family member. That’s expected. Ask any family who has lost a child or had a relative go through something horrible.

Elain is acting as if Nesta has only ever been concerned with herself when she’s spent her entire life concerned with Elain. I made a post long ago about how the IC only wanted Nesta to heal for their sake rather than her sake, and there’s so much more evidence for that than for Elain. Elain’s healing process was able to be understood and encouraged by the IC, whereas they had no idea what to do with Nesta. So for Elain to come at Nesta for not caring about her trauma, a second after Nesta was trying to protect her from further trauma by telling her she didn't want her seering for the Trove, was unwarranted.

Speaking about Elain looking for the Trove, what happened there? Elain had this whole speech where she said she wanted to do something and no one could stop her and then we just. . . don’t hear anything about it again? SJM had a perfect opportunity to do something powerful with Elain there, and completely threw it away. 

Nesta’s apology to Amren was extreme, dramatic, and honestly, unnecessary. Amren called Nesta a “pathetic waste of life,” constantly demeaned and degraded her anytime her name was mentioned, and said she did all this because Nesta used her as a shield against her problems and the IC. Seriously? Nesta using Amren as a shield does not warrant that kind of verbal abuse. It doesn't make her a pathetic waste of life. Amren’s been alive for how long? And reacts like that to an obvious side effect of extreme trauma? No ma'am. Nesta getting on her damn knees was too much, and obviously just another moment, like a lot of moments, that SJM felt the need to make dramatic. And then having the audacity to let Amren say to Nesta that, “the struggle with the darkness is worth it,” when she was one of those people who contributed to that darkness is disgusting.

I didn’t like Rhys at all in this book. Even after he saw inside Nesta’s mind about her experience in the cauldron, he was still wary and rude with her. Literally anytime Nesta showed that she was changing, Rhys didn’t change anything about his attitude or behavior towards her. A moment of regret, and then he’s back to being arrogant ass Rhys. Him not telling Feyre about the baby was also extremely stupid. It’s her body, her life, her baby’s life, his life, and she had a right to know what was happening. Not telling her because you didn’t want her to be “upset,” is a dumb excuse. I thought you always promised to let her make her own decisions, Rhys? What happened to that promise? The one that was a hell of a lot better than the stupid bargain ya’ll made? Though Nesta told her out of anger, good on her for telling her sister. Should’ve happened way sooner. His apology to Nesta was the only one that warranted the dramatics. That is what you get on your knees for.

That whole scene about him becoming High King had me throwing the book. Amren telling Rhys that the swords were some sort of mother-mary-cauldron-blessed-hallelujah sign that he was supposed to be High King had me fuming. It’s Nesta’s power. It’s Nesta’s sword. That should have never been a discussion. Not everything is for Rhys. These people are so blinded by their love for him they can’t even see how arrogant he is. To write Nesta giving back Ataraxia made me so angry after we just had a whole moment where we find out it means inner peace. I just hope that all of this is not foreshadowing Rhys becoming High King. I know you love him Sarah, but please don’t.

All in all, this book wasn’t too bad. There were some great moments and some bad moments. I think SJM’s biggest issue in her writing is that she doesn’t outline, or at least doesn't seem to outline, not thoroughly. I feel like she uses plot devices willy nilly whenever it’s the easiest solution. There was never a moment where I said, “that was clever!” A lot of it was cool, but not clever. Not creative. She also has a tendency to write very dramatically, in staccato type sentences where everything is made into a big moment, which bugs me a lot. 

I love Nesta. She’s still my fav, and will probably always be my fav. This book doesn’t change that, and as you can tell in my review, most of the issues I had weren’t with her behavior, but with the behavior of other characters. I still love Cassian, even though he made me want to rip my hair out sometimes.

Will I read the next books? Probably. I can’t seem to stay away from these characters or these books, so kudos to SJM for writing them. I know a majority of people have given this book 4 or 5 stars, but I can’t bring myself to give it more than 2/5.

[impishtubist]

thoughts on this post on r/harrypotter?

Why is Lupin and Harry's distant relationship Harry's fault? I was reading a thread the other day about Sirius' messed up life and saw someone argue that Lupin had it worse because of his lycanthropy, and because Harry "threw him away like trash" after meeting Sirius and never wrote him.

First of all: Lupin never visited Harry while Harry was growing up. Now, I don't consider this to be his fault as he was probably struggling with his condition and heavy depression. But this is conclusive proof that he wasn't as invested/capable of being invested in Harry's well-being as Sirius or Harry's parents were. He did not fill a parental role in Harry's life and nor was he interested in doing so. He did not let Dumbledore know about Sirius' Animagus form, despite knowing (or believing) at the time that Sirius would probably be targeting Harry. Again, Lupin let his own shame and self-interest prevent him from acting in Harry's well-being. He never told Harry about his relationship with Harry's parents during the school year until it was forcibly revealed. James literally became an Animagus for him and he couldn't be arsed to tell his son, "Hey! I knew your parents. If you want to hear some stories about them, let me know!" He treated Harry as a (perhaps favored) student. Their relationship was NOT personal, and Lupin was incredibly careful to keep it that way.

He never wrote Harry after third year or even during the Triwizard Tournament. In the beginning of GOF, when Harry had the dream about the old man being killed by Voldemort, he thought about writing Lupin but decided against it, because he assumed Lupin was just an old teacher and wouldn't want to hear from him. Considering Lupin didn't write even after he (presumably) read about Harry's involvement in the Triwizard Tournament, Harry would've felt vindicated in his assumption. It was Sirius who broke out of Azkaban for him, Sirius who ate rats to be near him, Sirius who wanted to be updated on his life and keep tabs on him. Lupin simply didn't care to the same extent, and that cool regard made Harry similarly wary.

To my previous point, why is the onus only on Harry for writing Lupin? I agree that if Harry had been more proactive, he could've signaled to Lupin that he did, in fact, need someone to care for him and Lupin might have been provoked to respond. But Harry, abused and neglected for most of his childhood, had the natural belief that adults simply did not/could not be trusted to care for him. Sirius was the only person who broke through this wariness because of the lengths he went to to care for and protect Harry. Lupin did not make any gestures the size of Sirius. In fact, Lupin did not make any such gestures, period. He had to be convinced to teach Harry the Patronus charm. He did not want to spend any time with Harry beyond what he had to do as his teacher.

Speaking of which, the only time Lupin actively sought Harry out was when he was trying to run away from his own family. When he got married, he did not invite Harry or seek out his presence (again, not entirely his fault as Harry was either at the Dursleys or on the run at that point). He only came to see Harry when he got scared of Tonks' pregnancy. Every time he spoke to Harry after third year, he invoked the name of Harry's father -- when Harry wanted information on the Half-Blood Prince, he asked Harry if he was planning on getting another title besides the Chosen One (proof he does not know Harry all that well). He dismisses Harry's concerns of Snape as an inherited prejudice. Chides Harry for trusting his friends by mentioning Wormtail's betrayal of his father. Tries to push Harry into accepting him on their quest by mentioning his father, saying James would want Lupin to be with Harry. Which is laughable, considering Lupin's general absence in Harry's life. It's honestly hurtful to me that the only time Lupin actively seeks Harry out is when he's trying to use him as an escape route. Harry was right to call him out, and I (selfishly) enjoyed how rude he was about it.

TL;DR: Lupin's general absence in Harry's life/thoughts is not Harry's fault. Both Harry and Lupin had several opportunities to get close to each other and both, due to their trauma, failed. But blaming Harry alone, when he was the child in the relationship and probably didn't have the self-confidence to believe he was wanted, is wholly unfair in my mind.

There's really not much to argue with here, OP is right and they should say it 😂 I've actually never heard anyone say that Harry is to blame for the distance in their relationship, but I also only really interact with the niche Wolfstar-raising-Harry side of Tumblr and don't pay that much attention to meta analysis in general. Yeah, canon Remus is kind of a dick and didn't make that much effort to be in Harry's life or even show that he cared, which is why I vastly prefer fanon Remus. (Also I don't even count HBP and DH Remus as canon, they're both so wildly OOC that it's clear JKR has no idea how to write his character.)

[elfindreams]

Hit me with ur sans opinions

OKAY HERE WE GO

Favorite thing:

Despite him being an apathetic shitposter, I really like how Sans is... actually a pretty hopeful person? Dude’s secretly depressed as shit even though that “ohhh okay yeah that’s what’s going on, huh” moment only comes quite late in the game and you see what his room looks like, and of course the Lost Soul dialogue during the final boss fight. But he has friends and shows interest in his normal hobbies and sincerely wants to be Frisk’s friend, in the murder route he apparently held out hope that if the player was shown enough kindness, you would willingly go back and fix all the bad things you did and be everyone’s friend instead. Like, way past the point where that clearly wasn’t going to happen. My man is TRYING SO HARD

Least favorite thing:

There are a myriad of Sans-related things which evoke responses from me ranging from disinterested apathy to a mild eyeroll to rabid frothing rage, but none of it has anything to do with the character himself, so it feels unfair to count that against ‘em... uhhh I bet he’s the type of person to talk with their mouth absolutely FULL of food and it would enrage me even more than it usually does because HOW ARE YOU EVEN DOING THAT SIR

Favorite line of dialogue:

Yeah yeah there are the intensely raw lines everyone chooses, and rightfully so, but I got a soft spot in my heart for the prank call where he asks if your refrigerator is running, and if you try to be contrary by saying no, he responds with “ok, i’ll send someone over to fix it. thanks for letting me know. good communication is important”. I seem to remember yelling something like “askdjdbdp YEAH OKAY THANKS SANS, THANKS” at the screen when it happened in my first play through, and my brother cackling bc he didn’t get that call when he played the game and didn’t even know to expect it.

BROTP:

Do actual brothers qualify? If not, uhhh Toriel probably. Joke buddies!

OTP:

I see Sans as pretty much aroace but could equally see him ending up in a very casual FWB thing with Alphys, or in an actual relationship in scenarios where Undyne isn’t in the picture, like the queen Alphys ending. It would be cute and their personalities and general vibes are super compatible imo, but on the flipside I could see their flaws feeding into each other and spiraling downward real quick, especially in the particular scenario of the Queen Alphys ending because uhhh yeah emotional trauma for everybody who didn’t die. Sans is so passive and lazy and conflict-avoidant that he would just enable all of Alphys’ worst behaviors, she would become increasingly isolated and depressed and paranoid and drag him down with her, it would be a mess. (I mean he kind of already does that in canon by helping her keep the Amalgamates a secret instead of intervening in any way??? SHE’S KEEPING PEOPLE LOCKED IN HER BASEMENT DUDE, HOLY SHIT) Sans x a healthier diet and sleep schedule and maybe some talk therapy = the true OTP.

NOTP:

Sans x Frisk. If it’s in the context of a fanwork where Frisk was already an adult when they fell into the Underground, then I guess I won’t HATE it hate it... nah jk I still super hate it, c’mon man why does this literal babeychild need to get shipped with anyone, much less an adult? Let Sans be the goofy sitcom dad figure he was always meant to be, dang it!

Random headcanon:

I’m sure I’ve posted this before but OH WELL, Sans doesn’t actually know what sex is. I mean he appreciates a good 69 joke as much as any not-self-respecting shitposter, but he’s Literally A Talking Cartoon Skeleton and this topic has zero relevance to his life, so he never bothered to look it up or ask anybody. (Papyrus does, though. Confirmed chad.)

Alternatively—

When used against a murderous soul with high LV, Sans’ KARMA ability does damage over time and drains health. However, if a KARMA “attack” were used upon someone with a clean and pure soul, it would have the reverse effect and heal them. Combine that with Sans’ terrible offensive and defensive stats, and you have... a classic white mage with an absolutely BUSTED spell mechanic at his disposal. In a Deltarune-style fight with other party members to physically defend him, all of whom are heroic good guy characters, Sans would make a superb healer. Alas, his abilities are only situationally useful and his boss battle in Undertale is the exact reverse of that scenario, so he’s stuck trying to make do with what he’s got.

(And now I’m having war flashbacks to that dreadful 1v1 fight in Final Fantasy Tactics where I had to minmax my main character’s abilities and equipment and hope to god that the RNG would work out in my favor because all along he’d only ever been expected to fight as part of a team and I hadn’t leveled him up very much... cinematic parallels!)

Unpopular opinion:

Absolutely none, everyone agrees with me and Sir Tobias Foxington himself manifested physically in my house to give me a gold star sticker

Song I associate with them:

uhhh I’ve got a few but how about Many Lives -> 49 MP by Owen Pallett

It’s about a clairvoyant who obsessively stares into the future and keeps seeing/hearing his middle-aged self frantically yelling back through time and urging him to invest more money, dammit. Idk how well the lyrics actually fit but like, VIBES??? lmao

Favorite picture: