#but this? this helps with the insight

[pageofheartdj]

Wait no it's a pure coincidence I swear xD

AvPD from cluster C, NPD from cluster B, SzPD from cluster A.

Gotta get them all for f's sake xD

[quicksilversnails]

Took some notes from the Wild Life retrospective episode of the Imp & Skizz podcast featuring Grian because I thought the behind the scenes info was really interesting!

(3:15) The wild cards were all kept totally secret from the players (apart from Grian), with the exception of the superpowers and finale (as they required the players to set keybinds)

(3:45) The players were given files containing the required mods each week, which were named things like "creeper rain" to throw them off

(4:12) Wild cards were a combination of data packs and mods

(4:38) Grian told them not to read the folder name to avoid spoilers (which is kind of impossible), so everyone fully believed there would be creeper rain lol. Grian was saying it in jest but everyone took it seriously and were apologetic about having seen it, to which Grian told them not to worry

(6:58) Grian originally contacted a data pack dev called Brace for help with programming the wild cards. Some, like the shrinking/growing could be achieved with minecraft attributes, but the snails were too janky and unusable. Grian still liked the idea though, so he reached out to mod developers Henkelmax and Breadloaf, who designed the pathfinding/behaviour from scratch

(8:49) They had a debugging mode used to test the pathfinding of the snails, shown in the podcast and in Grian's credits

(10:09) Grian wants most of the credit to go to the development team and artists, as he was mostly in charge of ideas & organization!

(10:39) Grian's only regret with the snails was that they were too fast in session 3, leading to unexpectedly many deaths. They were apparently not so difficult to get away from during testing, but perhaps the testers were more used to them than the players were

(11:44) Grian: "We did develop to the lowest common denominator" ie. prioritizing how players would struggle over how worrying about if players would do too well

(12:56) Oli's voice for the snails was iconic. It cost Impulse a life because he intentionally stayed closer to it to hear the voice lol

(13:42) Danny was in charge of the snail models and animations

(14:11) During testing, the snails just sounded like Oli, which made it feel weird. They pitched up his voice so that it'd be less immediately recognizable

(15:18) The snails' jumping attack was meant to be clearly telegraphed: they would stop, wiggle, make a "ooeee" sound before jumping. Many players had their friendly creatures volume turned very low/off (as cows and other mobs are loud), which made this attack much less obvious for them

(16:57) The growing/shrinking had the least testing done for it, as it was the simplest conceptually and to program. This meant that the falling off of blocks due to the shrinking hitboxes wasn't anticipated

(17:55) Before the 1st session, Grian told them that he didn't think anyone would die to the wild card. Pearl's death made Grian pretty nervous, as he didn't want everyone dying too early in the season

(19:29) 6 lives were given, knowing that many of the death to the wild cards were unexpected/unfair. The intent was for ~3 lives to be allocated for wild cards, and ~3 for PvP.

(21:13) The developers were all fans of the Life Series!

(22:43) The shrinking/growing was intentionally pretty simple to ease players/viewers into the concept and build up toward more dramatic wild cards like the snails

(25:38) In the hunger episode, Grian didn't know which foods would be good

(25:58) Grian thinks that "it's unfair that Grian already knows everything" is valid criticism, but that it's important for him to be involved with the ideas. Having someone else do that is like having someone else record his videos: Life Series is his brainchild

(26:35) Well before the season began, while they were still developing the concept, Grian asked the other players for wild card ideas that would meet a few criteria. All of them ended up being unused for one reason or another. Impulse thinks his ideas were very "inside the box" because he was viewing things through what was possible in vanilla Minecraft. His idea was to have a scavenger hunt where the players would search to find a relic. The first person to find it would get a buff. Skizz's idea was for every player to turn into a random passive mob for every given interval of time. They would have to find every other player of the same mob type as them or else the whole group loses a life.

(29:44) The food qualities were weighted by the rarity of the item, so very common blocks like dirt and cobblestone would never give anything good. The other items were randomly selected

(30:23) Regular blocks/items cannot be made edible normally, so they had to circumvent that and custom code a fix for items not stacking correctly

(32:41) While a lot of players do want to win, the main priority is creating entertainment, which prioritizes playing recklessly

(33:20) The food wild card wasn't included in the finale because it would've felt like "too much". There was a higher risk of technical issues since it changed the data values of items, and Grian didn't want someone's last death to be because they ate their sword. In his mind, it was a good and fun wild card, but didn't need to be repeated in the finale. Impulse points out that they all would have collected more rare items by that point, removing the incentive to search for blocks to eat

(33:46) The wild cards in the finale were nerfed from their original sessions. The shrinking/growing had a smaller height range, the snails moved slower, etc.

(36:21) The personalized snail skins were a late addition by Danny, who made 18 skins very quickly

(36:49) Grian did not anticipate the snails becoming as popular with fans as they were. After the session released, they had the idea to release the snail merchandise, which directly funded the rest of the season

(39:20) Grian spent what "felt like every day" testing with the developers. They'd record the sessions on Tuesdays, meet up with the dev team, talk about what need to be done, testing, bugs, etc, edit and upload on Saturday, and would get a few days grace before starting again

(40:01) After the snail session, Grian was worried that the season would be very short due to all the deaths. They were considering toning down the later wild cards but ultimately didn't change them too much

(40:36) The time wild card was carefully balanced. If it had gone even a little faster, many players likely would have died because they wouldn't have time to react to threats like baby zombies or creepers.

(40:57) While sessions normally run for a variable amount of time, session 4 was hardcoded at 2 hours. Grian ended the session ~10 minutes early, just after they hit max speed, because he felt like things were getting dicey

(42:46) When the wild card first activates, it looks a lot like the server had frozen or crashed. Grian told the players before the session started that it would look like the game was broken, but that it isn't broken. Skizz tabbed out anyway and missed the beginning 😔

(43:30) Having the rain start just as the wild card began was a good visual indicator of time slowing down. This was a suggestion from the dev team (probably Brace)

(44:41) Impulse and Grian "cheesed" the end of the session by going branch mining. Grian wanted players to take advantage of the wild cards (eg. mining quickly, helping to kill someone), and not have them just be an annoyance.

(45:30) Keeping the client and server-side time stay in sync was challenging. The sky's motion was changed to be smoother on client-side. The players were also not as fast as the server (around 2x faster), the server was going faster than that, and the time of day was even faster

(46:56) The sounds were pitched up/down based on the speed to add to the effect

(27:46) In testing, if the players were made 7x faster, it would be basically unplayable, which was why it was capped at 2x speed. This made mobs very dangerous, as they were now faster than players and could catch up to you and kill you easily

(49:01) On several occasions, they had to extend the fuse duration of creepers to make them more fair. In the time session, their speed was only increased by ~10%

(49:39) Usually, Grian was the one to test the wild cards and notice when things like creeper speed would be an issue, since he was the one with experience making videos

(50:50) A challenge with balancing wild cards is accounting for the playstyles of so many players: reckless players like Scar and Skizz, "kind and gentle" players like Bigb who would stay off to the sides, and "the sweat squad" (Scott, Impulse) who play very cautiously

(52:48) Trivia Bot was the only wild card that was not planned in advance. Grian was struggling to come up with a wild card for that episode, and wanted to have a wild card available that could give people lives in case many people died to early wild cards without it feeling cheap.

(53:33) Trivia seemed a little boring on its face, so presentation was essential

(54:34) This one made Grian the most stressed due to all the moving parts involved in making it (coding and pathfinding mostly by Henkelmax, visuals by Hoffen, audio/music, questions)

(55:08) Trivia Bot's design was based on Grumbot and Mettaton from Undertale. Hoffen drew concept art shown in the video

(58:32) They show Trivia Bot's custom animation for becoming a snail and it's really cool

(59:12) The music was the most stressful part of the project. Grian spent 2-3 days looking through Epidemic Sounds for a Trivia Bot theme song and couldn't find anything good. He commissioned Zera @hopepetal for a theme song, which is played in the podcast. However, Grian realized he needed a full audio package, so he commissioned Oli late in development, who created the final soundtrack and many audio variations

(1:01:38) Grian wants to send appreciation for everyone who worked on the project, even if their work ultimately went unused

(1:02:58) Skizz was happy to give back however he could by staying on standby in the final episode as a zombie, as the players were able to "reap all the benefits" of the hard work of the development team

(1:05:21) Grian didn't know any of the trivia questions beforehand, which were done by fans of the series. The goal was for ~50% of the questions to be answered correctly, which was approximately met

(1:07:11) Players couldn't get questions about themselves because it would be too easy. This would encourage players to leave their bot, allowing other players to mess with them

(1:07:57) Grian felt a little left out from the discovery element of the wild cards, and decided to mess with Scar by hiding his bot. He wasn't expecting Scar to die from it, and could tell that he was genuinely a little upset by it. Grian felt bad about it, which led to a genuine in-game alliance between them

(1:12:32) Grian was very close to letting Trivia Bot give lives as rewards, but decided it would feel too cheap

(1:14:38) Mob swap was slightly toned down, with more camels and sniffers spawning

(1:15:07) Evokers didn't drop totems anymore. Instead, there was a minuscule chance a warden or wither would spawn, which would drop a totem if killed. Grian was a little disappointed that the warden got cheesed in the end

(1:17:45) Having the mobs start passive and turn hostile was mostly for the presentation, building anticipation, and so players could predict where mobs would spawn and react accordingly, making things feel less unfair

(1:20:32) There was no superpower made for Skizz (or Mumbo presumably)

(1:20:38) The superpowers were another late addition. There was a large design doc where Grian created all the powers, which were handed over to Henkelmax and completed over 4 days

(1:21:42) Grian avoided superpowers involving strength, that could cause someone to die easily. Most of the powers were social or movement-based, which couldn't be used for offence as easily

(1:22:25) Some powers were randomly assigned, others weren't. Impulse's was random. Cleo's, Bigb's, Lizzie's, Grian's were assigned.

(1:24:25) Grian gave himself the mimic because it could easily backfire (like in Grian's fall damage death), and because it would've been confusing for a player who wasn't aware of the other powers. They likely would've spent the episode just figuring out how everything worked and not actually using the power to its best ability

Lots of discussion about the superpowers and how they interacted in the episode itself, go watch if you're interested :)

(1:33:38) Talk on how the series "standard" rules evolved since 3rd Life. There was no keep inventory, and no restrictions on enchanting levels or potions, which created slow or unbalanced fights

(1:36:23) 3rd Life was designed to be an experimental series, which made Grian eager to improve it. For example, some people just weren't dying in 3L, leading to the boogeyman in LL, and so on

(1:37:17) The goal with the seasons isn't to one-up the previous one, but to create a different experience every time, which keeps things engaging for the creators

(1:38:31) At the end of each session, Grian would ask the group if they had fun and how they felt about the wild cards. According the Skizz, the answer was "a resounding yes"

(1:39:08) Grian had moments throughout the season where he personally felt like things didn't go well for him, and was anxious for the rest of the group's episodes. Things worked out while editing the raw footage, though. His issues were never with the wild cards themselves, but his own actions (traps not working, spending too long branch mining), but would always find funny moments in his footage

(1:43:41) Everyone in the Life Series cast genuinely likes and genuinely respects everybody else in the group. This allows them to make the show and get mad at each other, because they know it's all just in-character

(1:44:50) It'd be hard to top Wild Life in spectacle, and Grian doesn't want to start an arms race with himself. The next season could potentially be closer to 3rd Life, but Grian's not sure yet. For Grian, Wild Life was the most enjoyable

(1:45:20) Grian: "As long as people keep enjoying [the Life Series] then I'd love to keep doing it"

(1:49:35) With the finale, Grian knew how the wild cards played out the previous sessions and was able to adjust them

(1:49:56) Grian's goal was to create safe chaos where everyone knew what was happening and wouldn't die to them, which didn't go entirely to plan. The snails were 60% of their original speed and people still died

(1:51:03) Grian made a precise timeline of when each wild card would start/stop, it wasn't randomized.

(1:54:16) All the superpowers were randomized, with Bdubs' power being removed from circulation because it didn't have much use in a finale setting

(1:56:10) It was important for Grian that in the final moments, the wild cards were removed, so there were no interruptions. The timing worked out well because there were a few people left and it ended within ~10 minutes (this implies that the change wasn't based on # of players alive, as people had speculated based on Gem's death)

(1:58:48) The players all randomly switched to zombie skins throughout the session to mess with people on NameMC. Well-played :)

[woman-respecter]

idk if it’s my place to advocate for a sex/dating strike because it seems kinda hollow coming from someone who wouldn’t be dating or having sex with men in the first place but i think it is something that het and bi women should seriously consider.

[thelesbianthespianposts]

bored, have some of my favorite animorphs quotes

[beaulesbian]

how it feels playing da4 tbh

[flowerakatsuka]

" just know that i'm always here for you, okay? "

i'm finally finishing up my s2 rewatch and getting to the 24th episode awoke a beast in me. so i wanted to make a fake screenshot based on some of their lore that takes place during that episode. i think they'd end up having a heart-to-heart moment since kuroba went through similar struggles after their grandfather's own hospitalization...

also have a bonus doodle bc i need to even out the balance between serious & goofy with these two.

[carduelism]

[to-be-a-dreamer]

I just think that Kristen "I was my God's chosen one and I met him and he adored me but he wasn't what I needed and I didn't like the kind of divinity my church had turned him into so I left and created a pantheon dedicated to the lost and the confused and the hurt because no one should have to feel the way I did" Applebees and Ostentatia "My God barely knew my name and I met him and he was dismissive of me but he loved me and always provided what I needed and when I looked at him I only saw my father so I helped him because no one should be left to drown under their burden when all they need is a little help" Wallace should meet and be friends and maybe kiss on the mouth

[galedekarios]

wyll: this was a hospital? feels more like a prison. gale: a common enough interpretation. sickness has a nasty habit of making you feel trapped, if only within the confines of your body. gale: i once spent weeks convalescing in the hospice of st. laupsenn after a nasty bout of ruddy pox. for all their kindness, leaving that place behind felt like freedom to me. wyll: i've always relied on the kindness of the healers and menders of the coast. better a cleric's healing touch than a chirurgeon's scalpel.

i'm assuming this banter is supposed to trigger upon entering the house of healing, but it hasn't triggered for me. still very much interesting. not only does it offer another insight into gale's past before the events of the game, but also the hospice he found himself in for weeks is interesting itself as well:

"The Hospice of St. Laupsenn (N73) is a Sancturary of Ilmater in the North Ward of Waterdeep. In the City of Splendors, worship of The Triad has long been subsumed by the Halls of Justice, Waterdeep’s temple of Tyr. After the Time of Troubles during the early stages of the Spellplague, large swaths of the citizenry were afflicted with fiendish plagues. While most recovered with clerical attention, for some the effects of the disease continued to linger, resistant to the healing effects of magic. As few Waterdhavians would have anything to do with the fiend-afflicted sufferers, for fear of catching the plague anew, the llmatari decided to create a place for the lepers. The Order of the Golden Cup erected the Hospice of St Laupsenn, named for the priest who tended those similarly affected in the aftermath of the Weeping War, and have continued in quiet service to this day. The hospice is funded by private charitable contributions (many of which come from the personal holdings of the Lords) and tithes from the Halls of Justice and the Order itself." [source]

i was at first playing around with the idea of gale suffering from such a long illness because he might have been affected by the spellplague. then again, the spellplague usually affected magic users mentally rather than physically, so this might really just be the pox, common in big cities and beyond of course, probably during his childhood.

if larian had kept to the lore and the timeline, the effects of the spellplague should have been more central to gale's childhood and made it much more harrowing, especially since he is so intrinsically connected and linked to the weave itself.

[secriden]

ok OK HEAR ME OUT THO-- what if... because Liu Qingge was never meant to survive past the qi deviation in PIDM, he's the only non-transmigrator character who can see the influence of the system on the world?

i'm thinking it plays out something like this: lqg emerges from the Ling Xi caves to find he can see these... strings of what looks like energy flowing around. he can't really tell what it is, and at first he thinks its a new quirk of his latest breakthrough but when he rushes to help defend Qiong Ding Peak from the demon invasion, he realises that certain people have these auras of energy around that are especially pronounced. like he's mostly preoccupied with fighting off the demon invasion but distantly he notices that lbh has this golden glow (ie. protagonist golden halo) around him although its threaded through with dark red energy. curious. sqq also has this inexplicable dark energy around him that occasionally flashes bright blue when he seems to freeze and go absent minded. even stranger.

when mqf comes along, lqg asks about possession and mentions the strange energy but mqf assures him that they'd already tested it and that there's nothing wrong aside from the new poison in sqq's system. yqy also acts as if everything is normal even though everything is clearly NOT normal because sqq is acting very weird. but also all his weirdness happens around these pulses of blue and lqg starts wondering sqq's being forced into acting the way he is.

(yqy also has a dark aura about him although its different from sqq's. it's also very reactive towards sqq like they're tied together somehow and lqg finds it very disturbing.)

in this situation, i think sqq and lqg would have way more interactions because lqg's suspicious of sqq but also worried?? cuz he can tell that sqq is being manipulated/affected in some way. he starts hunting for monsters/beasts that help with fighting off possession or curing curses but none of them seem to have any effect. he notices the almost unnatural way sqq will act in contrary ways and how they're always attached to that same pulse of blue that only lqg can seem to see. he notices the weird way the aura's clash when sqq interacts with lbh or yqy and starts feeling protective because he can tell sqq is trying to cause as little harm as possible.

he starts wondering why no one else seems to care that something is clearly not alright with sqq. even if they can't see the aura and the energy bursts, surely its obvious just from what they know about sqq. he starts to become angry. then he becomes determined. because if no one else can see that some unknown entity is hurting sqq, then its just going to have to be lqg that saves him.

[witchinatree]

i know the whole "do you think jon ever used his powers to Know what his parents looked like" thing is far more devastating than this but what if he tried using his powers to remember original sasha? jon and sasha always seemed closer than the rest, he picked her (and tim) to work with him and tolerated a lot more nonsense from her than anyone else (using his password to access his computer [161], debating his pronunciation of calliope [25], etc)

and ofc jon and martin became significantly closer as the podcast went on, but in the beginning he was cruel to martin when he gave a statement but accepting of sasha? idk i think their friendship was a lot deeper than we realized (ESPECIALLY since his first murder in season 5 was because NotThem provoked him about sasha) and i think jon wouldve used his powers to Know the original sasha, not sure if it wouldve worked though

so so sorry to distract from the post but can yall read the tags for me because i suffered immensely for this post

[recent-rose]

yknowwww there is something... deeply uncomfortable about the way mel never speaks directly to viktor in the 'build hextech weapons' scene. she really only speaks to jayce. plenty of people have pointed this out already but like the one scene they actually share a meaningful interaction and she treats him like he's beneath her. all this after jayce has emphasized how important viktor is, that hextech is theirs, together. she unequivocally ices him out, there's no other way to interpret this scene. the way it's shot too - from viktor's perspective, looking up at her, as though to reinforce the same belief in him. like he doesn't even bother expecting respect from her - or anyone from the upper echelon of piltover. he's fully accustomed to being dehumanized by everyone around him at this point. sometimes even by jayce, despite the trust they clearly have in each other.

then of course after this scene is viktor experimenting on himself. it's pretty clear that he has internalized his own dehumanization. crazy.

[thatfrailsoul]

– Autumn's fallen leaves

tarot pick a pile reading ( → 1, 2, )

"The princess out of school", Edward Robert Hughes

Each year, time and time again as their leaves fall, the trees show us their courage. Their incredible strength to let go of a part of them that no longer serves them. Even if it took them so long to nourish them and grow... They let go of everything, accepting and embracing this needed end. Gifting themselves a chance for a new beginning, full of growth and better health.

They are preparing now to do it once again. And as life and its cycles guides them... It tries to guide us too this time. It tries to help you... to let go of something. Something that is only weighting on your tired shoulders, slowing you down.

Take a deep breath, give yourself a needed moment of reflection and rest. Wander through this painting, through its details... Which one caughts more your gaze? To which part of the painting it belongs to? Pay attention - it is showing you where your message hides and awaits.

_

_

These days have been... a little harsh on me. It was difficult to bring myself to fight it and endure it, even though I so desperately wanted to make it through. So this reading, these messages, speak right to my heart. Giving me a needed reminder and moment of reflection. And I hope it will help you too..♡

I had this reading in mind for a little while, but wasn't quite sure. At least until I've received a request from the kindest soul exactly about these same thoughts and concerns. It was the needed (gentle) push for me to do it, so I deeply thank the one who requested this reading.♡

_

– Pile One,

the queen of swords, the emperor, the four of wands

There is so much control, so much presence within you, in the way you choose your life... But in that strength and power, if looked at closely, one can see the shades of fear, of desperate need...

Every little detail was already planned, analysed. Every outcome is expected, good or bad. Every path is already prepared so it can change its course in case of an obstacle or its end... Everything already leads to that one specific goal and outcome. The one that you imagined, perfectly pictured, for so long in your life... That it just can't be otherwise, it just can't pass you by. Not this one.

You are giving constantly to this so much work and intention, so much of your mind and heart, that even the slightest deviation feels like the whole world, your whole life, falling down.

You don't know what else you can do, how else you can make it more secure and successful, more perfect in your eyes... Or perhaps in the eyes of others... And it is consuming you, the pure stress and fear of just a thought that things might not work out.

It is all changing, shifting, day after day, in every area of your life. It is all evolving, and not really in a direction and way that you would've choose, in those that you would feel comfortable to be and live... And the only remaining thing, project and situation that is so important and indeed so powerful to give you back that control on your life, helping you to regain your balance back... Is becoming strange. Sometimes too slow, sometimes too sudden. Sometimes too stagnant or too confusing and dark. It is slowly but surely using all your back up plans, without slowing down, without showing you its horizon and its end... Making you afraid of the moment in which you won't simply have any other idea, opportunity or choice... While the path will continue to evolve, leaving you behind with that little that remains of yourself after all these sacrifices...

But is it really changing so much, this path? Is it really being ruined by everything you try? Or were you the one that made so many deviations trying to avoid all the obstacles and catastrophies that you thought you saw and needed to don't let closer to yourself?

Because there is an incredible power within you. Power of will, of hope, of patience and courage when it comes to protect yourself and your desires and dreams. A power strong enough to clear out a path as you will walk through it. But also... Enough to destroy it, if only you convinced yourself enough of it.

And this is something unique, not at all so easy to find in us, not so easy to learn and use. And when we, desperate and afraid, find this power within us... We tend to use it to protect ourselves from the obstacles and opponents of the outside, instead of using it against the thoughts and feelings inside our heart and head... that have much more power over our journey, its ups and downs, and sometimes their end.

This is indeed for you - this goal, this dream, this journey. It's not only you who wants this outcome, but that goal wants you too, that desire wants to be yours.

It is the right path, you are on the right path. It is the safe one for you, even if so many times you expected the worse and tried to flee.

There weren't any problems impossible to resolve, or obstacles too heavy to remove. There was only you who made a "mistake" of thinking that you never could be able to face those things or do them. There was only you who had so much passion and desire, conviction that it is for you, fused with that fear and uncertainty still present within you. There was just this mix of certainty and, ironically, confusion. The inner knowledge of what you want but confusion on how to get there, if you even could.

There was just this strong, incredibly powerful, courageous heart and mind. That, confused exactly like you, tried their best. Focusing more on avoiding and finding new routes. And not on showing you, teaching you, how you could've make it work regardless, following your original plan and decision, without sacrifices and changes that you felt forced to make.

Now it is already done. And it's just fine the way it is. It's not worse nor better. It wasn't the wrong way. It was just different. You tried and you felt it. You felt deep down in you that the way you chose again and again, perhaps was not quite the easiest one...

But now, today, in this moment, you have once again the possibility to choose how to do it. You have a chance to stay, to not run away. And to try to do your thing, how it feels right for you, and not how it seems more safe.

This journey is safe and right one for you, for who you want to become, regardless. So start to go through it with the same way that desired you would. Use your knowledge, your confidence, your power of choice. Not to avoid things, to escape and hide in hopes of finding another opportunity somewhere somehow... But to stay tall and strong and, gently, fight it. Showing this world, those people, this environment and to your own self, that things can and do work differently sometimes.

Showing and reminding all of you that it is not always the journey that changes us, but sometimes we are the ones to simply remember how much it means for us, without holding back. Without giving up.

P.s. Let me know if you chose this message and how it felt to you, if it resonated at all..♡

And if you would like to receive more clarity and guidance about your situation (through a personal or free reading) you can find out more about it here!♡

_

– Pile Two,

the four of cups, the queen of swords, the empress

It is quite easy to find, to constantly notice, all the things that are not working out no matter how hard you try. It is quite easy to remember all the things that you pictured, all the things that you so ardently wanted... and that never really manifested in your life.

It is easy to focus on them because it's so hard to ignore them. To ignore that pain, pressure, frustration that you feel in each moment of your life... when all you ever wanted was to just be safe, living a good and peaceful life.

So no one can tell you to don't do it. No one can have a say on how you should feel as you go through so many problems and challenges in your life now. But... Your heart and mind can and will still do it.

They will show their tiredness and sadness through the emptiness that you feel in your chest. Through the fog that is overwhelming your mind and making your thoughts so difficult to follow or find. They will show it to you, they will speak to you in the only way they can: a tired body, that doesn't have anymore the needed strength. The needed health.

And you know it. You already see it in the way you react less and less to this life. At least on the outside... Because you are still human, it still hurts, you still feel so many emotions that explode bottled up in your heart.

You are becoming calmer, in the eyes of others, but you are slowly destroying yourself from the inside. The only place were you used to feel and be safe, and that now is not anymore able to hide you from the reality of your life.

It is difficult, impossible, to ignore all of this... And you don't need to do it. But in the same way you shouldn't ignore those little, tiny, good things that are still present in your days either.

It might seem so useless, to try to focus on them, holding onto them so desperately when they are so few... But they are enough for your heart and mind that just need to know that there is light and warmth too. It is so little, but it is exactly what you need to find that strength again. To find that hope and simple knowledge that things can indeed be different. That it will not always be this way. That this is not the end...

Or perhaps it is. An end of this long and troubled phase of your life. An end of this tiring fear. Perhaps it is finally the moment of change. A shift that will start first within you. In that mind that will realise a one little but important thing: you don't need to choose between seeing life all in black or white, you can see it and feel it as it is. Complicated, different, strange... Just real.

A life that needs and gives importance to both things. A life that doesn't ignore. Exactly like you shouldn't. Not the bad things, that you just need to feel in order to be able to remember, overcome them and in the future avoid... And not with the good ones, that even if little, are still a demonstration of how things can and will be different. How they can and will transform.

You gave a lot of yourself to all your problems, challenges, obstacles on your path... But you gave so little credit to your strength, your patience, your own existence and everything that transformed you in the incredible soul that you are now.

A soul that perhaps, indeed, can't be the one to resolve it all... But that can still make it through.

Just don't ignore it. Don't ignore those good parts of your life or you that are still here, that are still relevant, that are still deserving of the same acknowledgment, attention and trust as the ones that you give to those negative and challenging parts of your life.

P.s. Let me know if you chose this message and how it felt to you, if it resonated at all..♡

And if you would like to receive more clarity and guidance about your situation (through a personal or free reading) you can find out more about it here!♡

_

_

[pearlsdiamondsandvodka]

hi d20 people! Specifically those of you who has watched all of mismag s2 so far. Would you mind spoiling it for me?

Specifically about Evan’s death, how it’s handled and how it affects the plot. I lost a family member not long ago and watching media with death and grief is a tricky area atm, especially with d20 as their shows tend to be my comfort shows.

So just any details are appreciated, how did the cast handle it, was there a lot of shown grieving, is he alive again, what happened afterwards etc etc.

Thanks!

[macaiv]

Source: Track Walk Youtube Channel

Short COTA track "walk" with Esteban