#but this makes me feel fucking alive
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
im sorry. I had this bad wing dysphoria and really wanted to be a fairy the whole summer. I remembered I had this bee oc and now hes just been alive in my head rent free for like two months now. I have so much lore, i have a whole ass hive full of bees in my head. It makes me so excited i feel like im gonna pass out. sorry if this gets annoying but im probably not gonna stop for a while.
#im jsut glad i decided to do it bc#for so long i felt disconnected from my art#but this makes me feel fucking alive#deerposting
60 notes
·
View notes
Text
shut up I'm on my drawing kisses arc
#hey person in my inbox who asked for more tsundere Joel in exchange for voting smallidarity on a poll this is for you#I deleted your ask like an idiot. And then I pressured myself into drawing this as a consequence as if to say sorry for deleting your ask#Ive been feeling daring lately can you tell. fuck drawing kisses but I need more kiss art it makes me feel alive#<- projections of an asexual yet unfortunately deeply romantic single person#smallidarity#Ive talked at lengths about my smallidarity thoughts before but. Yeah Joel wanting something with Jimmy that isn't just a joke but#he doesn't know how to handle or initiate that cause he's very closeted -> lots of gay panic#trafficshipping#tubby art
559 notes
·
View notes
Text
never forgiving bones for fucking up this scene
#hey sskk nation how are we feeling :(#literally just finished watching the new ep and i genuinely sobbed#i was so mad they didn't make him smile or have atsushi take one last look back at him bones hates to see mlm winning#also second img is me being delusional and just stopping the show when they used koko zessou for the first time and killed fukuchi#yk before he used the space time sword and literally fucking cheated#akutagawa is alive. sskk reunion totally doesn't leave gaping holes in my heart. everything is fine.#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#akutagawa ryuunosuke#ryuunosuke akutagawa#atsushi nakajima#shin sokouku#sskk#bsd#lotus draws
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
I just know Gaz is so fucking good at rock climbing. He's just built perfectly for it, he's got the endurance, the flexibility, the grip, the core strength, the agility, the arm spread, he's not too bulky and heavy like Soap or Ghost, his height gives him quite a lot of advantages (even though sometimes there are trails for us hobbits, but mostly being tall helps). Price could probably give him a run for his money, but since I headcanon that Price has seriously fucked up his spine and joints, especially in his fingers, he might be held back by this. Also I feel like Kyle has the best endurance out of all four of them, so he does extremely well on the long ones. He's also got that magical ability to be able to take a rest at the tiniest little handle, like literally catches himself with two toes and a pinch on a non-existent bump in the rock and relaxes as if he's lounging on a beach, all muscles resting before the upcoming difficult few meters.
Also he's one of those who will climb even in slippers, just because he gotta flex like that.
No I'm not drooling over his fingers wrapped in that tape in places where he ripped calluses off, you are.
Also this was induced by a SoapGaz thought where Gaz runs Soap through some intensive training on the climbing walls and enjoys the view of all that muscle bulk flexing and rippling as Soap struggles to find his balance and makes mistakes in dispersing his weight which limits his reach. He's so tense, he can barely slur his Scottish nonsense out, sweat streaming down the dip of his spine and soaking his tank top through.
When he finally falls of the wall after reaching the top handle, his fingers are shaking and he needs Kyle's help to untie the harness knot. Wipes his forehead, leaving a white streak of magnesia stuck to the wet skin, and huffs and grumbles about how he'll still beat Kyle's PR one day.
Gaz won't let him, of course. But he won't stop Johnny from trying either, because after that he gets to massage all those sore muscles Soap didn't even know existed, and listen to him groan as he shamelessly leaks into his boxers. Because why wouldn't Soap get off the post-gym muscle strain, really. And why wouldn't Gaz enjoy watching him get painfully hard and sensitive from barely sexual touch, exploding into his mouth as soon as Kyle wraps his lips around Soap's tip.
#juju's grumbles#gaz cod#kyle gaz garrick#soap x gaz#gaz x soap#soapgaz#soap cod#john soap mactavish#cod#call of duty#listen i just really wanna go rock climbing again#this shit makes me feel so alive#and i just know gaz would volunteer as a trainer for kids groups in his local rock climbing club#also the one i am going to has this old man who has one arm amputated up to the elbow#BEST FUCKING CLIMBER IN THE CLUB#he's literally a beast i've seen him climb the 15 meters wall in seconds#also tatted up and wears a bandana and has like long white hair#i have such a crush on him#he's a trainer and i want to work with him so bad but also i know i'll embarrass myself#and my level is just really pathetic#so i just drool in my weakling corner as i watch him casually do the shit i can't even dream of with all my limbs intact
149 notes
·
View notes
Text
Good news! You aren't required to make your hobbies and passions "marketable." In fact, your crafts, hobbies, and passions don't even need to be public if you so choose. You don't have to spend all of your energy becoming perfect if you aren't enjoying the process. You are not a product, you are a person, a creative, and your work also does not need to be a product.
#positivity#yet another post that's like... thinnly-veiled as being for myself#i find myself freezing with anxiety when i think about the things i used to do (writing especially) because...#...i had felt this force to make it ~content~ and ~marketable to an audience~ and it was so fucking daunting...#...it felt like being a gladiator in a coliseum#even now i fight the urge to equate being marketable to being acceptable and worthy of admiration and praise#i wish i hadn't burnt myself out of writing by doing this because i'm simultaneously grieving my writing and hating it#and it sucks the life out of what makes you feel like a person and it takes the art out of art#so be free! pist your art or don't! you are beholden to nobody!!!#(obviously this is not the case for professional artists who rely on their art to keep them alive)#(and i criticize heavily the idea that audiences are entitled to an artists labour)#(i understand that this isn't universal and if it doesn't apply to you then you don't have to take me seriously)#(if you are a professional artist or what have you i hope you are able to feed and house yourself off of that career!)#(i hope you are able to live a happy life and be able to keep loving what you're doing)
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
DPXDC Idea: Mother of Monsters Dan(yal)
Specifically Fem!Dan because I made this in mind with my Fem Danyal Au bUT. The best part about Dan is that I get to play dress up with her, and Fem Dark Dany is gonna go by Layal (pronounced lae-el) because it means "the nights" and it sounds similar to Danyal, and I think she'd choose that name to mock Dany. ANYWAYS
Mother of Monsters Danyal. She may be evil but she's an Al Ghul at her core (even with vlad's soul merged with hers - however, considering that Layal looks and sounds like Dany, she considers that soul to be the more dominant one.) and loves animals. And she might be heartless, but she adores the monsters of the infinite realms.
Mother of Monsters Layal who hates everyone but utterly dotes and adores on every manner of beast she comes across. Stealing the eggs and infant young beasts of the Infinite Realms to raise as her own because she wanted them. Her own island full of monsters, a monstrous menagerie of her own. She steals most often from poachers or exotic pet keepers and other menageries -- the full grown beasties can keep their young.
And with every monster she raises, she can shapeshift their features onto herself, allowing her to change her shape from humanish to any matter of monster or hybrid creature. She calls herself their mother, and them her children. Her precious little babies, capable of incredible mass destruction and mayhem.
From little griffins the size of kittens, to stymphalian vulture chicks, and leviathan young hatching from eggs the size of her pinkie, to creatures native of the ghost zone that didn't even have names in the living realm. There really wasn't a limit to what or who she would take in and she didn't limit herself to any form of mythology. If they were beasts and they were unwanted, she wanted them. And as such, amassed her own mini army of "children" willing to listen to her any command.
Earth doesn't know what hit it when she attacks them.
There are many monstrous forms she could take on, the first one I've thought of is a combination of various serpentine/reptilian features. The body of a naga -- her lower half long and serpentine, her upper still human -- with spiked fins connecting from the bottom of her arms to her sides, ever seen Sinbad where Eris goes "you might have seen my likeness on the temple walls" and her arms do that fin thingy? Same concept. Her hands are webbed and taloned, perfect for slicing through the skin of the living, and her teeth are needle-sharp and shark like. Her hair can either be spiny and feathery-like like the spines of a lionfish, or frilled like a frilled-neck lizard. It's perfect for dealing and doting on her reptilian and amphibian-inclined darlings.
I'm more of a fan of aus where Dan is a sibling of Danny's rather than their kid, so Layal's redemption(..?? probation?) proceeds with her legally becoming Danyal's "twin" sister, who had been lost to the foster system before the Fentons adopted Dany, and was only recently reunited with her. The two of them look so alike that the lie is easy to take root and spread.
Layal is very indignant to the fact that she's now ten years in the past and has to restart her menagerie all over again. Do you know how much blood and sweat went into raising those children? How dare you separate them from their mummy. Although she'll admit she does miss their juvenile years, so she won't mind (too much) needing to raising them again. Dany is helping her retrieve all of them though, dammit.
long story short: epic the musical's "Scylla" has a CHOKEHOLD on me and this is the result of it
Unlike her Dan counterpart, Layal's voice is dancing and sirenic. It's purposely alluring and motherly, in order to lure people into a false sense of security until she feeds them to her "children." Echidna doesn't have shit on her. She almost seems friendly and reasonable, until you get too close and realize it was all an act and she drops it to metaphorically swallow you whole. She's like an anglerfish that way. She and Dany both sound like Scylla from Epic.
#mother of monsters danny#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc crossover#dpdc#dpxdc au#dpxdc prompt#fem danny fenton#fem danyal al ghul#danyal al ghul#dany helps laya find one(1) beastie and instantly falls in love. laya does not need to convince her to come help her rob other ghosts blind#of their exotic “pets” or animals or whatever the reason they have beasts that they shouldn't for. she'll volunteer willingly its a trait#that they share. laya knows that raising her babies will be difficult now that she has to g back to *school* but dammit se's not leaving#them in the hands of the people she found them in. those are HER children fuck you.#Layal is the one to reveal to Damian that his older sister is alive and it was on purpose. It was to send him on a wild goose chase looking#for Dany in order to be around to save her from becoming Layal.#'Tragic. Terribly tragic; your dear sister had her soul ripped from her body and merged with another. What was left of her...'#'well. i put out of its misery.' she's very cloying towards damian and this is on purpose because she thinks its funny to get under his ski#goes out of her way to only ever refer to him as 'little brother' but if she can't she'll call him sickeningly sweet nicknames.#this happens about oooo midway 'redemption'? Where Laya is actually rather fond of Dany and is starting to consider her as a sister#as well. and she likes Ali. Laya herself is still rather unsympathetic to the world around her. only acts on a kindness for 'her people'#her people includes Dany which is why she even actually told Damian that Dany was alive and gave him an incentive to look for her#because she saw DAny mourning another lost birthday for her little brother and decided to go 'aw fuck who gave me feelings' and decided to#make it everyones problem.#starry rambles
213 notes
·
View notes
Text
"I understand now the message hidden with the pattern, the reason for our failures in the commune. The doctor was right: it's inescapable. Humanity, our very essence, our emotions. Rage. Compassion. Hate. Two sides of the same coin. Inextricably bound. That which inspires us to our greatest good is also the cause of our greatest evil." Viktor, End Monologue, Episode 6 Season 2
#fucking love this monologue#yaya he was dying here#i'm coping ok OK#my man died i'm grappling#here's to hoping his corpse gets back up and shimmies back to magical life#SINGED DO YOUR THING NYOWWW IDC IF YOU FUCK HIM UP MAKE HIM ALIVE AGAIN#i feel like silco when jinx was dying#MY SON GIVE ME BACK MY SON#arcane#arcane spoilers#arcane s2 spoilers#arcane viktor#nausicaas arcane audios
99 notes
·
View notes
Text
"I think this is the most inhuman; and human, that I've ever felt.." MUCH CAN HAPPEN IN A YEAR. IN FIVE YEARS. A DECADE. imagine how much can happen in a century. just ONE (1). How will you grow? what phases do you find? even in 5 years, you will find patterns.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi suckening#jrwi suckening spoilers#jrwi the suckening#arthur bennett#HEY SO THE REALLY FUNNY THING THAT THE CHARACTER DID THAT SEEMED RLY SILLY N GOOFY IN THE MOMENT?#LIKE THE WHIPLASH BETWEEN SERIOUS N SILLY ALMOST PISSED YOU OFF? WHAT IF I FOUND A WAY TO MAKE YOU SAD ABOUT IT#this was meant to be a scribble that would be a bigger part of a bigger page.might leave it on that page.#but still. bc o that i nearly posted it onto my wacky side blog.BUT NAYY I SPENT TOO MUCH TIME N ENERGY N YOU GOTTA SEE IT#ARTHUR BENNETT DRIVES ME CRAZY. I FEEL LIKE ITS ODD FOR HIM TO BE SO TECHNOLOGICALLY OUT OF TOUCH#WHERE HAS HE BEEN. HAS HE BEEN IN WAR? IS THAT WHERE MAGNUS CAME FROM? WHERE WAS HE WHEN HE WAS WITH EDWARDS CREW?#ARTHURRR I HAVE QUESTIONS ARTTHUUURR!! HEY CAN I ALSO ASK; WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU BECOME#DO YOU THINK HE HAD ANY IDEA HE WOULD VEER CLOSER AND CLOSER TO THE MONSTER HE DESPISES. ALL BC HE DESERVES IT. OR WATEVER#HE FASCINATES ME SO MUCH. TO LOOK AT THE STONE COLD STOIC FOOL FROM THE START OF THE SHOW#AND TO FIND OUT THAT HE USED TO BE A BAD BOY.. A DELINQUENT... A LIL PRANKSTER.... MY GODDD THATS ADORABLE#I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW MORE.... BUT I DOUBT THE LAST EPISODE IS GONNA ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS..i love arthur bennett so much....#AS FOR THE ART!! i mostly used the fire alpaca watercolor brush. tbh im not a brush guy. anti aliased default pen tends to be my main game#but LATELY IM SQQQUIRMIN OUT OF AN ARTBLOCK so expirimenting like this is helping#DONT LOOK TOO HARD AT IT!! im still proud tho. colors are fun :3 im also very proud of the backgrounds#I LOVE THE CARTOON THING where the background looks all fancy n painted but the characters are solid colors#what else can i ramble abt. OH YEAH. i looked up the bikes to make sure they were time accurate tehehehe. 1913 to 2012.#almost a century apart!! isnt that neat? ALSO FUUUCK CAN I JUST MAKE A QUICK CONFESSION. DOWN HERE IN MY TAGS.#only the strongest can read my tags anwyay. SO I REALIZED WHY I LOVE ARTHUR SO MUCH. TIME IS A FLAT CIRCLE#while arthur is a Stoic and Cool vampire w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORs#THERE HAPPENS TO BE A ROBOT FROM A BAND W A TITANIUM ALLOY SPINAL COLLUMN#WHOS A Stoic and Cool ROBOT w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORS#the fuckkkiiinnngggnn The Spine from steam powered giraffe. WHATEVER. i cant escape from my heart. i guess.#i think The Spine and Arthur could be friends. Arthur saw the band perform back when they were the Steam Man Band#EDIT: WOOPS I DIDNT REALIZE THIS WOULD END UP IN THE SPG TAG. HI GUYS DIDNT KNOW U WERE STILL ALIVE SORREE 4 THE CROSS CONTAMINATION
175 notes
·
View notes
Text
Danhausen tweeted this after his GCW match and I couldn't help but think about his tweet when he started looking for bookings
#reading ''danhausen is alive'' made me feel like I could cry honestly because his booking tweet made me want to sob#like HE WANTS TO FEEL ALIVE AGAIN. and now he's alive.#look what he can do when you let him actually wrestle and take him seriously! and he seems so happy compared to how frustrated he's been#tk when I get my hands on you. book danhausen better you absolute fucking moron#I'm so proud of this demon cause he works fucking hard and he deserves better but when it was clear nobody was gonna do better for him#he did it for himself#he seems as happy to be in the ring wrestling as we are to see him there and it just makes me feel big feelings#*through tears* love that danhausen#GCW#Danhausen
155 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sorry to all the girlies mad about the possibility of alicent going to oldtown instead of dragonstone in the finale but im here for the long haul. I want alicent exhausting every last option before going to rhaenyra. I want her as desperate as possible, begging for forgiveness after fully coming to terms with her life and her sacrifices truly being all for nothing. The day her life ended was the day otto had her go comfort viserys. Her and rhaenyra being torn apart was where it all went wrong. But maybe her youngest son, who she didn’t raise, who wasn’t poisoned by her or life in king’s landing, could be the one who saves her.
But he won’t be.
Bc in the end, even in chains, it will be rhaenyra who sets alicent free. It was always going to be rhaenyra.
#where are the real slowburn enthusiasts#of course i would be the happiest girl alive if we got some crazy angsty desperate rhaenicent meeting in the finale but im ok with waiting#and i love seeing alicent with her kids#i cant imagine not seeing alicents relationship with her kids and rhaenyra as the most interesting aspects of the show#must be so fucking boring#the way they are literally setting canon rhaenicent up……#the implications have always been there and always will be and ill eat it up regardless#but the thought of it possibly happening is making me feel insane#the sex needs to be so messy and desperate and hateful and soft and heartbreaking and sexy all at the same time#and olivia and emma could pull it off there is no doubt in my mind. they would make it so delicious#hotd spoilers#hotd#house of the dragon#alicent hightower#rhaenyra targaryen#rhaenicent#my posts
67 notes
·
View notes
Text
It’s been crazy. Our time in the UG.
People racing across the city in a life-or-death struggle? Find me another rush like that in Shibuya.
But I learned something about myself— how lucky I was. I took each day for granted.
Life for me was one giant bore.
Woke up, went to school, talked to Eri, came home, ate, watched TV. Then conked right out.
Just the same thing, day after day…
It was so… NORMAL. I never thought of it as living.
Now THAT felt like death.
But this week woke me up, made me feel more alive… than I ever did when I really was.
I decided I belonged in the UG.
#shiki on day 7 and joshua on day 5 respectively#this parallel fucking GETS ME. augh#NOTHING TO MAKE YOU FEEL ALIVE QUITE LIKE DEATH#twewyposting#rambles#twewy#shiki#joshua#shiki misaki#joshua kiryu
67 notes
·
View notes
Text
Man I don't even know. Deleted the last post because maybe I'm too hasty, seen how insulting it can be to be accused of AI generating shit, but my god! I cannot help but feel so much more for writers—writers who use words to craft their art, already fighting for a place in a world that prioritizes visual language/graphics over their medium, writers who are much quicker to be criticized than artists, writers who have to find a way to hone their crafts just so they keep your attention all the way to the end of their stories, writers who have no other means to present their creation and being told to pick up an entire other skill just to be appreciated in a community space, writers who are so much easily more exploited by AI generation because their medium is TEXT.
I don't fucking know dude. Sometimes it feels like people are fighting against AI art but not AI generated writing, voice acting, music or any other creative medium because visual graphics/language takes more precedence in this world, and everything else is secondary to it even though we are constantly preaching that all mediums are considered art
#neesan texto#“let me ai generate fics for my rare pair otp” ill fucking kill you bitch ill skin you alive#you cant be against ai art then spit on the faces of other medium artists#also making fun of people who can only present visualizations through moodboards#descriptions and picrews ill fucking kill you too#some of you guys feel so entitled that you can't seem to wrap your head around that people shouldnt NEED to become visual artists#just to get people to care about their product
154 notes
·
View notes
Text
first xander brought her back with human breath and determination... then willow with supernatural power and love.... smth smth two halves to keep their third in balance from drifting too far into either side and losing herself.....
#PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I'M FUCKING BEGGING FOR A GOOD FIC ABOUT THESE THREE THAT ISN'T JUST SMUT PLEASE!!!!!!!1!!!!#I can'ttt stop thinking about them I don't even have anything coherent to say#even with other partners it's still THEM THREE they're so !!! it's just them. three. always#s7 just ruined me guys I missed them so much#still thinking about xander's stupid quip about how he always brings her back from the dead#if u tell me willow only resurrected her cause they were all insecure without buffy to throw her weight around sunnydale...#they LOVE her. so much. so so so much. they're so selfish but they LOVE her it's why they can't ever let her go they're missing without her#I despise seeing people treat the scoobies with bad-faith bc ik they're not the greatest but oh my god#they are IMPORTANT!!!!! there is no buffy the vampire slayer without willow and xander being WITH buffy#look me in the eyes and tell me tweed boy giles and lurker freak angel were going to be able to keep buffy alive all by themselves.#without xander buffy and willow are left without something firmly human to grip onto when they lose themselves in the supernatural#without willow xander and buffy are left with a gap to properly bridge them. someone to make it easier to understand both sides#without buffy xander and willow have no reason to ever grow and try and learn. to want to be more. to live up to who they can be#plus those two give buffy something tangible to fight for. it's not just the vague “world" she can't feel the affects for it's wil and xand#I need someone smarter than me to articulate this dumb post bc I can't I've tried so many times and I can't but I FEEL it I feel it#buffy summers#willow rosenberg#xander harris#btvs#buffy the vampire slayer#I tried to find their ship name and I'm actually going to KILL everyone. why don't they have one. what is going on.
39 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'M HEREEEE!!!!! thank you @miyameowru and @mrsokkotsu and @storiesoflilies and @cloudwisp for tagging me i love you all sooosoo much<333333 THIS WAS SO FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OIKAWA MY DARLING BOYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SEEING THAT MADE ME SO SO HAPPY ACTUALLY WAHH I MISS HIM SM<3333333 AND THEN TENGEN AND CHUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAHHH I LOVE THEMM!!!!!!
AND THEN OFC MY OWN PERSONAL TEDDY BEARR and kuna and bakugo😭😭😭 i can't believe that he and sukuna are the same lmao that's so funny. aaaaaaand then we have suguru and fyodor💀💀💀💀no comment there. i think fyodor would despise me actually and suguru is a lil yandere so idk what that says abt our perfect little relationship.
OK AND FINALLY SATORU AND DAZAIII WHAT DO YOU MEANN ONLY 85% THEY ARE MY LITTLE MEOW MEOWSS THEY SHOULD BE HERE WITH ME RIGHT NOWWW RRRRAAHHHHHH
no pressure tags: @twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat @gothsuguru @staryukis @mossmotif @lxnarphase @kisstoru @ohimsummer @tirasamu @osarina @mizzfizz @sleepymarimo @hayakawalove @nappingmoon @spookuna @forest-hashira @madaqueue <33333
#ALSO FEEL FREE TO JUST MAKE YOUR OWN POST BC MINE GOT SO LONG YK#you don't have to rb this one if you don't want to!!!!!!#i just had to post them all lmao#i'm sorry the fyodor one is cracking me up a little#with suguru ok i get the 92#but with fedya???#sahdhgsadhgsahgdhagsda#i feel like he'd rather actually gut me alive than to be anything with me#AND THAT'S FINE BTW#i want him he doesn't want me some things are meant to be and some are not#hgadshgsahgdshgdhgsahgdas#OKAY BUT OIKAWA MY BABY BOYYY#OH I WOULD CODDLE THE FUCK OUT OF HIM#WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ILOVE HIM SM#MY LOSER BF<33333333333333#i was also now trying to figure out like what IS my type then..#and i think freaks is quite literally the best way to put it#chuuya is the most normal one out of them but he has his moments anyway#and bakugo#wait but#i think i could also call them all losers#asjhsahgdshagdhgsagh#OK OK I AM GETTING WAY TOO INTO THIS#THANK YOU FOR TAGGING ME MY LOVES MWAH MWAH MWAH!!!!!!!!!#tag game#mayor of loserville
48 notes
·
View notes
Text
You know, I've seen these discussions about people who have made themselves disabled (though not necessarily on purpose), and it's something I resonate with, and think is so nuanced that it's a discussion worth having in-depth
See, I feel like sometimes people think of "making yourself disabled" as a completely able-bodied person who - through their decisions, either accidental or wreckless - will just... make themselves disabled, and I actually think that's less common. I know for myself, my changing disabilities have been spurred on because I was already disabled. I use myself as an example of a broader point - that is, I think often the ways people think of this topic are somewhat narrow.
There's a special kind of guilt you feel (at least, in my experience) wherein you know your suffering has resulted from your decisions, yet simultaneously knowing that you weren't given a proper chance to start off on a fair playing field. And yet no matter what you feel about this, the pain still hurts just as badly. It still hurts even if you don't blame yourself at all
#disability#i'm not sure if this makes complete sense#but i find that it's hard to engage in this disability conversation even though it's partially mine to have because of preconceived notions#preconceived notions as to what led you to Making Yourself Disabled#i write this as i'm in the normal-to-me amount of Great Pain. it hurts even if i don't feel Unbearable Guilt#i think this is why i just... can't bring myself to have ideas to separate the Good ones from the Bad ones#what led me to further disability was the fact that i was disabled to begin with and was trying to SURVIVE. not thrive: SURVIVE#and that's another mind fuck: knowing that if you didn't do whatever it was you might not even be alive
48 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm so annoyed. @kingcrow01 tumblr ate your ask about Danny's opinion on the League. tumblr i pressed 'save draft' why didn't you sAVE DRAFT.
ANyways I'm making a post instead. For everyone else, the ask was in summary:
What was Danny's opinion on the League now that he's left it? If he missed the familiarity of it, if he recognized the cult-like behavior inside it, and if he now detested his grandfather.
And to answer (again, grrr): It's complicated! We love complicated <3. Yeah, Danny does miss the familiarity of the League, it was still his home for the first ten years of his life and he has a lot of memories there. Plenty of good along with the bad, and while he's less homesick than he was when he was 10, it still hits him like a truck at random intervals.
Sam, Tucker, and Jazz are great, and he likes the Drs. Fentons enough that he's contemplated murdering Vlad for his meddling, but if he wants to eat the same food his mother used to make him and Damian, he has to do it himself and he can't get the taste right. No one knows arabic so he speaks it to himself because he doesn't want to forget his mother tongue, and he has a few books too. Frankly? He genuinely misses training.
Getting to use Sam's gym helps with his restlessness, same with training with Maddie, but he has no one on or above his level to go against other than his mother. And he only sees her twice a year at most. He knows that he's getting stagnant and he fucking despises it like a bad itch he can't scratch.
He feels conflicted about missing the League, however, since by now he recognizes the flaws and what was wrong with it, and he recognizes that it was cult-like. But even that is kinda, hrm, complicated? If this was a fic I would be able to go better into depth about what he has and hasn't unlearned because cult deprogramming is hard and Danny's doing most of this on his own.
Sam, Tucker, and Jazz have helped with the more obvious stuff: like the ecofascism, the disregard for human life, his emotional constipation; the more obvious stuff that shows in his behavior and personality. But none of them are professionals nor do they actually know the full extent of what Danny's life in the League was like. They only have snapshots since Danyal is very tight lipped about it. So they can only help with what they see themselves through Danny's behavior or word of mouth.
But in summary: He sees, for the most part, what's wrong with the League and disagrees with some of the stuff they do now. But he's very conflicted, and trying to dissect his feelings on the League confuses him. His protests about it whenever Sam and Tucker joke about it have at this point become mostly empty (altho it still causes him some discomfort), and its an inside joke between them three.
As for Ra's? Despises him. If only because Ra's wanted him to kill his little brother -- thinking about his motives with the League confuses Danny, cognitive dissonance and stuff, -- a lot of his hatred stems from "He wanted me to fight my baby brother to the death. I destroyed my relationship with Damian because of him, I had to fake my death and leave my home, and I will never meet my father or see my brother again because of him. Fuck that guy."
#dpxdc#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#dpdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#danyal al ghul au#starry asks#demon siblings au#danny's opinions on the league is rather complicated but he knows that some of the stuff that happened inside was wrong. and while he's#always known that his upbringing wasn't normal -- and he took pride in that -- its only in recent years that he's learned that#this was a *bad* thing. that his upbringing was wrong. he's still kinda grappling with that.#danny's homesickness hits the worst when he's patching himself up from a ghost fight alone. stitching up his throat in his ghost form when#he gets hit with a deep child-like grief and the unwitting 'i wanna go home'. he's exhausted and sad and hurting and fucking *tired*#good mom talia al ghul supremacy. she's trying her best.#but yeah sam and tucker did a lot of good for Danny by becoming his friend. he's a lot better off than he would've been if he remained alon#'a child not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth' type of stuff. danny's aware of this and is incredibly grateful#for sam and tucker. and as a result can and will get violently protective. his moral code on killing can be summed up as: i dont kill bc i#value human life and it's inconvenient. but i will do it without remorse if i must.#vlad is only still alive because he's incompetent. but the ice is thin#catch me about to make an incorrect quotes post about this au. i am so close.
136 notes
·
View notes