#but this is sooo fucked up to me personally

[vatelixx]

The enormity of my desire (disgusts me),

Very very early seasons (1 — start of 2) Spencer Reid x afab!BAU!reader

SMUT!! (and fluff, some angst in relation to Spencer’s past because it can never be too happy, we’re not allowed nice things here). first times & explorations of intimacy.

──── autistic spencer (it’s a central theme to the plot), reader is actually morally good (for once).

Warnings: sub spencer (what did u even expect?), heavy corruption kink, first time for Spencer (all i do is sit around and think about how i’d like to devirgin that genius), HEAAVY praise kink, very very inexperienced Spencer, slight? oral fixation, they’re both just rlly down bad (i told u i would write something light, i delivered), Reader is whipped, Spencer is sooo much worse. Biblical references, Religious imagery, i think i talk about math equations???? And random metaphors/complexes.

w.c: 4k

a/n: i rlly wanted to explore aspects of spencer that criminal minds swept under the rug (cough cough his undiagnosed autism, cough cough his social exclusion, cough cough his crippling fear of forever being alone). Next upload will prob be heavy angst/no smut post-prison spencer (god help me please, i must be a masochist for the way i make myself suffer)

───────────────

There’s a lot Spencer hasn’t done.

He knows he’s behind, that he never quite caught up when it came to the taboo of sex and intimacy. Everything, everything, he’s ever had has been centred around exclusion, alienation, he feels like he’s lived on pause. Frozen, never advancing, stuck on ‘go’. Touch isn’t easy for him, interpersonal relationships are worse. He’s different, god he’s heard that his entire life. ‘You’re not weird, you’re just… different’, but maybe he is weird. Maybe his whole existence is just one big cosmic fuck you, because he’s missed out on so much, so much that he can’t understand, comprehend, act out against. Falling behind; this is the only area of life where he continuously comes up short, inexperienced, naive, he’s not used to being incompetent.

He’s never experienced want the way others do. He could never just hook up, fall into the body of another, expose them to the vulnerable elements of his stature. Open himself up to scrutiny. He might be a genius, he might be intellectually advanced, accepted into a multitude of ivy leagues before he was old enough to vote, but there’s drawbacks to his success. Social awkwardness, an inability to blend, mould, be one of the crowd. Sometimes he wishes he was average, something grey and mundane, so far reduced from the person he is now— it would all be plainly simple.

But he’s not, he’s not. So, this is the weight he has to bare for the brain he never asked for.

Pyrrhic victory, he’ll always be renowned for his intelligence. ‘You’re going to change the world kid,’ maybe, but simultaneously, he’ll never get to experience said world. There’s a chance he’ll always be on the outside, watching normal people gravitate towards each other. Live dreary lives of domesticated simplicity. Stacked bills, arguments over money and parenting techniques. Going to bed angry, only to turn around, mid-night, and resolve it, to not sleep on bad blood. To take them off the couch, to settle into predestined sides of the mattress.

There’s not enough possessions in the world he’d sacrifice just to experience love.

Hedgehog dilemma, the challenges of human intimacy. The hedgehogs want to move closer, to preserve heat during cold. But, they are forced, biologically cursed to remain apart, in order to prevent themselves from harming each other. Spencer doesn’t want to be hurt, to hurt, it’s a morbid byproduct of his upbringing; all he ever endured was mockery.

He thought he’d never get to experience the physical, carnal aspects of existence. And sure, he made peace with the notion, accepted the consequences of being born atypical. Learnt to live without.

But then, oh then there was you. Pretty, intellectual you who quite literally tipped his world on it’s axis. Upheaved the most stable of routines. New to the BAU, he wanted you to last. To stay around, endure the worst of the job. If only for his selfish benefit of orbiting in your presence.

He remembers how it all started: Detroit, another case, more budget cuts, forced proximity that sent you spiralling into a shared bed for the night.

“You’re my favourite person in the team.” you admitted, “And I know that’s dumb, because we’ve spoken the least, but… you’re just, so you. That’s a good thing by the way, a really really good thing.”

He couldn’t quite believe you were talking about him. Spencer, who spilt coffee, and slipped into ceaseless tangents about obscure information. Spencer, who walked into walls when you were around, stumbling over his sentences before deftly, very astutely, giving up, walking away mid-conversation. He wore sweater-vests and colourful mismatched socks, it’s not like he was going to be crowned ‘white boy of the month’.

“Not dumb.” Spencer had responded, shifting closer to tangle further into the warm mess of this accidental situation. “That’s good. I like being me.” he mumbled. “Sometimes…. sometimes it sucks. But that’s okay. I think it’s okay?”

He moved to press his face into the crook of your neck, but you were faster, gathering him by tousled hair, forcing him to look you in the eye.

Oh.

“Please. Please.” he whispered, breaking apart, fracturing, “Please like me. And more than in a weird, ‘just friends or coworkers’ way.”

You did. You do. He should’ve kissed you then, but maybe he was scared, maybe he couldn’t quite discern his feelings, separate the logic from the emotional. So he waited, waited, waited until now. Your third date, you take him to an exhibition within a science centre: replica models of the solar system, filling rooms up, papier-mâché sculptures illuminated by light.

Best date ever. You listen, even when he’s rambling about planets, when he’s pointing out that yes, Jupiter’s density is less than water. That, technically, it would float in a bathtub, if one was built to accommodate its size. You don’t care that he’s not exactly the staple-piece for conventionally attractive males. That he’s nerdish, and awkward, and so so inexperienced when it comes to this.

In his apartment, later, much later, he looks at you, looks at you like you’re the one who just solved the fucking Riemann hypothesis.

“What do you want the most? Like,… if you could ask for one thing.” you say, and god, Spencer loves when you pose these deep, hypothetical questions. When you make him think, because you, you are the biggest challenge to his intellect yet.

You. He wants to say. But he settles for ‘Being remembered,’ instead. He works to untangle layers of fabric, your scarf, your jacket, letting out an exasperated laugh when he meets your amused gaze. “Right now though? I think I’d settle for kissing you.”

You cup his jaw, tracing your fingers along the sharp curve, and god he has perfect anatomy. “Settle huh? You should be more appreciative.”

He leans forward to press a chaste kiss against your lips. Drawing away for a moment, just to return because he’s never had this before. Because for the first time in his life, he gets it. He gets physical attraction, even if it took time. He’s kissed, been kissed, yes. But he could count those moments on one hand, and if you asked how many he truly enjoyed, he’d be left with no fingers raised.

“Believe me, i’m very appreciative…”

This isn’t like before, what he felt in the past; he expected something monotone, flighty, a brief fleeting moment of satisfaction. Means to an end. No, it’s actually the best thing he’s ever experienced, and he’s going to become so insufferable after this, because he’s just found out he is very very into kissing.

Correction: he’s very into kissing you.

In the moment between parting, and touching again, he assumes you to be divinity personified. Spencer has never been religious, but something of this magnitude should be canonised. He wants to ask you. Ask you when you became this beautiful. When you became the person he needs to kiss a second time, kiss a third time, kiss until his lips go numb.

A shaky inhale, a pause. “I hope… I hope that it was okay - I mean, it was good for me. Really, really good. Um—“ to be honest, he’s just glad he didn’t say thankyou.

“Yeah, Spence. That was… wow.” you draw your bottom lip between teeth, press into tissued flesh. Jesus Christ. “Wanna try again?”

Yes yes yes yes. He looks at you, pupils blown obscenely out of proportion. Part of him wants to say, ‘why didn’t we do this sooner?’ But that’s not fair; he’s only ready now. Now that he feels, now that he might be a little in love with you.

“Please,” is his answer, and then he’s catching your face in the palms of his hand, tugging your lips back to his, because admittedly, they have ached in the long, extensive period you were apart (53 seconds).

This time it deepens and Spencer sees stars. It’s an astronomical phenomenon, something interstellar— and god, he’s relating kissing to space. They should just tape the word ‘virgin’ to his back and call it a day.

There’s soft little breathy sighs escaping his mouth now, bleeding into yours. And yeah, spontaneous combustion might be a real threat. Actually no, it would hardly be spontaneous; there’s a clear, clear cause, and it just so happens to be your ruinous lips.

This is an entirely new facet of the human experience. The kiss is electric; he’s always been partial toward physics, and right now his veins carry an alternating current.

You know, he could probably write a thesis based on this.

You both stumble back back back until he’s hitting a wall, and yes, thankyou. He’s making all sorts of sounds he can’t justify, and it’s a supernova, an infinite black pool of— oh, he thinks he might die, ascend, transcend, when you press your thumb against his chin, hold your lips at just a little slant from his. Force him to wait there.

“Please,” he’s never been above begging. A worthy sacrifice, one he’ll certainly repeat again because you return to the kiss, and the world around him dissolves.

You’ve got one hand tangled in his hair. Tousled auburn, fingers sinking into strands, pushing all the way down to the root. The other is still cupping his face, keeping him close, keeping him selfishly close actually.

“Spence,” you murmur. And yes. Yes. He likes that. The way his name sounds rolling off your tongue, like it was destined to be there. Like he was destined to be yours.

His world is ending. So is yours. Fuck it, he presses himself against your thigh, and ohmygodohmygod. He’s being loud, he’s actually being so criminally loud right now because apparently he’s the most whorish virgin to ever exist.

“I lied, I lied,” he admits between messy kisses, “When you asked what I wanted the most? It’s not to be remembered, well it is, its on the list. But—“ he groans, kisses you again because talking interrupts matters that are more important. Like your lips.

“I wanna cum.”

Eloquent.

Spencer Reid being dirty? Oh, it’s hot, it’s so hot to reduce someone to such an obscene state. To reduce him, the boyish fumbling nerd (who just so happens to be the most beautiful person in existence) to such a degrading mess.

Still, there’s shock. Not because he said it (you greatly appreciate the indecent things falling from those pretty lips right now), but because—

“You’ve never? Haven’t even experienced it once? By yourself?”

He should be embarrassed, but his lips are red, his eyes are glassy, and the bulge in his pants is straining to be touched. “Never,” he sighs shakilly. “Never, and i’m— i’m starting to understand why it’s so popular.”

He whimpers, pushes himself against your thigh, because the friction, yes. “Is that weird? Please don’t think i’m weird. Because I’m really, really weird. Just maybe… not in that way?”

It’s never been enough. His body sometimes feels numb to the touch, and yet still so very overstimulated. Like he manually blocks himself from feeling, already prepared for the flinch. How does he explain that life hasn’t been kind to him? That he hates his body because of what people made it out to be when he was a child. Stripping him naked, tying him to a goalpost, always the underdog. The one to be targeted, tormented.

“It’s actually kinda hot,” you interrupt his thoughts, and just because you’re evil, corrupt, the worst, you press your thigh harder against his clothed cock, palm covering his mouth when a plethora of whiny sounds escape his mouth.

It’s performative, really. Alone in his apartment, there’s no need for noise control. So when your thumb slips between parted, swollen lips, he knows to suck. The average human hand has between 10,000 and 10 million bacteria, and Spencer does not actually give a fuck anymore.

“To think that you’ve never even felt what it’s like. That you’re gonna feel it with me for the first time. I get to see that shit— god, you’re going to look so fucking pretty for me.”

You draw your thumb out of his mouth, and he has the audacity to whine.

He’s never wanted anything more in his entire life. It’s all tertiary now. Only this matters.

“Please don’t praise me—“ he protests, “I’ll probably finish in my pants.”

“Praise kink, noted.”

You laugh, and he can only groan, curse existence for being this cruel to his overworked, undervalued body. “Don’t— don’t laugh. You’re not supposed to laugh, that can heighten performance anxiety. Increase insecurity, and…” he sighs, “You do not care. Sadistic tendencies, noted.”

“Shut up. Wanna see you.” you say, and he’s just muttering breathless mhm’s, too delirious to function; his body is betraying the last iota of self-control like the little whore it apparently is.

His sweater comes off first, then his top. Discarded fabric, his raised arms when you mutter a candid ‘up’, giving way to exposed skin. In response? Your pupils dilate. Spencer knows because he’s analysing, profiling. If you hate him like this, he’s fairly certain he’ll drag himself into a self-dug early grave. He wishes he was being melodramatic. That your approval didn’t have such a substantial impact on his carefully-constructed ego. But, oh, it does. It does.

Thin, with a long, defined torso, he blushes, rose blemished skin, when your hands drag across his stomach. He’d love to say he reacts sanely, suavely. Urbane to your touch. But that would be a total, discreditable lie. Instead, his back arches, seeking contact, following the path of your fingertips with pitiful desperation. He feels malleable, willing to bend and contort, if only to feel more.

“How can you not think you’re pretty, Spence?” His pants are gone next, then his stained boxers, fabric borderline sheer now, soaked through with pre-cum.

Spencer feels betrayed. His body never responds, not to his own hands, not to his own thoughts. And yet, the moment you’re on him, he’s a live-wire. It’s sick, heinous, double-crossing. Maybe it’s purposeful, done just to spite him. Figures.

“Holy shit, look at you. Look at how perfect you are.” Spencer wants to object, because he distinctly told you not to praise him. However,.. right now, the lights are on but nobody is home. Brain-death, he’s certainly in a vegetative state.

“Ohmygodohmygod,” he whimpers, because no amount of knowledge about human anatomy and physiology could prepare him for how he feels under your touch. No amount of education in the psychology of relationships could inform him of how viscerally wrong the way you look at him feels.

Because it’s not wrong, not all. It’s the most right he’s ever felt, and he’ll tell you that if you’ll just keep it up.

The sounds he’s making are phonographic, lewd, you’ve given up on trying to stifle them now. Where have you been hiding? Your eyes fall, and he wants to blush away from the exhibiting gaze, but he’s just…. too far gone; the thought of your touch outweighs any previous reticence. Then, oh then, you drop to your knees, and shit. He expected your thigh, maybe your hand if he was lucky, not—

This. Your mouth, your tongue, your pretty lips; god, god, is this a sin? Because if it is, he’ll take it.

“Please,” he whines, and he can’t look anymore because the sight alone is going to send him over the edge. He’s gripping the wall, scrambling scrambling for purchase, because he’s trying not to grip you, but how exactly does he keep this respectful?

He’s pretty sure they’re past that, considering your mouth is currently wrapped around his cock, and he’s debauched.

You want this, you want him, he feels like he’s transcended humanity, like he’s become someone, anyone and anything, that deserves the way you’re taking him apart, piece by piece. In the aftermath, he hopes you don’t leave a single ounce of him intact.

“Wanna kiss you. Oh— oh oh,” he’s sobbing now, “Come back here. Miss your mouth— even if it’s,” he looks down and that’s a mistake. “Please.”

Of course it would be Spencer to disrupt the best (and admittedly only) head of his life because he needs you closer.

You oblige, raising from your knees, and Spencer thinks it might be sacrilegious. But then again, he feels religion in your touch so it can’t be too profane. Maybe? He’s not sure, he’s not sure and it doesn’t matter. Ethics and morality have long since disintegrated, sins are engrained into humankind. He almost wants to thank Eve for tearing into the apple, because it’s allowed this irreverence to occur.

Spencer blindly follows you through the apartment, stumbling and muttering until he can collapse against the bed. Baring his pretty neck as his head hits the bedframe. Tangled in sheets, draped over his lap, his deft fingers run across your waist, mapping out the structure of your frame. If only to remember, recite this act of blasphemy.

“Spence,” you whisper, and then his lips are crashing into yours, stealing breath, stealing sanity. He whimpers, murmurs a protest when you draw back, and you can only laugh. “Lets get you off, yeah? You wanna feel an orgasm, pretty boy?”

“Yes, yes please. That would uh— yes.” he’s not even sure how he’s conscious right now. His body, god his body, has endured more pleasure in the last hour than it has for the majority of his life. Your hands scathe, and Spencer is willing to indefinitely burn, if just to feel them one more time.

You only stop to take off your clothes, and surely there needs to be prep? To reaffirm, he knows anatomy, the correct procedure, how the transgression is supposed to occur. And yet, that’s from a clinical, objective mindset. Do this, do that, etc etc. Nothing works out like that in practice.

You’re so wet, panties stained through, he spares a moment to run his fingers across your thighs, hand slipping beneath fabric to graze your clit. The moan that follows has him distracted, thumb tracing circlets, over and over until you’re pulling back to return the balance. The balance, which admittedly is skewed, tipped scales, you’re on top. He falls to the weight of your influence.

And yeah, he’s more than fine with that. Jesus, you drag your panties down, down your thighs, your legs, then they’re reaching your ankles, pooling there for a moment before they’re being discarded, tossed somewhere on his floor — leaving behind a souvenir that yes, yes this happened.

“I can’t,” he says, burying his face into your shoulder when you take him. It’s slow, sinking onto his cock like every inch of warmth will destroy him. Maybe it will. Maybe he doesn’t care, because he deserves this. He deserves to feel after so much repression.

Or maybe, maybe he’s just become the biggest slut known to mankind. Likely.

Your body presses against his, and he thinks he’s going to disintegrate, because he feels so good. He understands now, he understands why people do this. Why it’s integral to the function of most. This is the best day of his life. This. Is. The. Best. Day. Of. His. Life.

There’s this noise, this pathetically loud whimper when you start to roll your hips— and oh your body is wet against him, and you’re so tight, and it’s perfect because he doesn’t have to do anything.

He can just sit here, look pretty, and cry.

He knows he’s a giver, that he’d bleed himself dry for you. It’s a curse, he supposes: so willing to bend backwards for the satisfaction of the people he trusts. But, this is foreign, and he wants to watch you, aimlessly stare, dumb and empty-headed as you wield his body like a weapon. Turn him into something perniciously yours.

Spencer has no reference for what an orgasm is supposed to feel like, and yeah, he’s really good at guessing in these type of situations. Because he’s rolling his thumb over your clit again, and he wants to draw it into his mouth, to see you laid out across bedsheets, writhing, unable to do anything but suffocate him with your thighs.

You clench around him, back arched, releasing a series of strained moans. With one hand tangled in his dishevelled hair, the other pressed against his chest, your face contorts, your body stiffens. There’s no way his incessant whimpering just got you off?

Okay. So you like him desperate. Point taken.

“Please— please, wanna cum. Wanna feel it so bad,” he’s slurring over his words, sentences punctured by devastating whimpers. And look at him, asking for permission, waiting even though his body has been teetering on the edge for so long now.

“Shh, shh..” you press your forehead against his, and he melts. Reoccurring theme. His hand grips your jaw, thumb pushed firmly against your chin, keeping you close. “You wanna cum for me, baby? Gonna give me your first?”

“Mhm— mhm…” is all he can say. When you pick up your pace, he has to burrow his face into the crook of your neck, whimpers messy and broken off, suppressed against your warm skin.

“Oh. Oh…” he repeats, again. Like there’s anything else he could utter, because this is earth-shattering.

It’s the sun, and all eight planets combined, and the universe collapsing in on itself, and he’s bucking, squirming, releasing into you, spilling deep.

He sobs. Breaks down. Because it’s so so good, and he can’t believe he ever deprived his body of this.

Neediest whore to ever exist, apparently.

It takes him a while to come back. Longer to regain motor function, to sink into present day. Life, and expectations, and everything, everything, your touch eradicated.

“Just… just stay like this?” he asks, collapsing against your body after he’s drawn out of you. There’s mess, evidence of your ministrations, but cleanliness seems futile when he’s blissed out, caught in a post-orgasmic haze that yes yes yes he needed so badly.

You card your hands through his hair, watch the way he stares up at you, large, widened eyes, chin resting against your chest. “Hi,” he mutters dumbly.

“Spence,” Spence, Spence, Spence. He could drown himself in that nickname.

“Yeah?” he breathes out.

“You we’re so good—“

He rolls away from you, finding a home for his face in the pillow. “Stop. Stop.” he groans, “Don’t do that. You’re going to destroy me. I’m not… equipped for this, for you. Someone should just sedate me, put me out of my misery, a coma sounds like—“

He tilts his head to the side, relinquishing, “Okay. Sorry. Meltdown over. Can we shower? Then maybe do this again? Which will make the shower inconsequential, I suppose. There’s a new documentary I want to watch, and oh, you still haven’t seen the third Star Wars—“

He’s happy, content, over the fucking moon, to be silenced with your lips. “Yeah,” he murmurs, hand interlocking with yours as you both fall back against the mattress, “Let’s do this again.”

[jinxini]

thoughts while watching episode 2! ☆

summary: necessary amount of love for jinx, unnecessary amount of child hate lmao

oh my baby girl i love u it's ok don't be sad please

jinx focused episode let's gooo

me: omg was that a flash of powder?!

*rewinds*

me: ...who the fuck is that.

me: oh no. oh no. this kid is important enough to make it to the intro, jinx is going to take care of this child isn't she. that sure is... a choice

oh no the kid is here

ugh for me personally the only thing worse they could have done is make her pregnant or have a baby. i hate storylines like this im so sorry. it's different when the parent-child relationship is like the main focus or the premise of the show/movie (the mandalorian, the last of us, the walking dead game, silco taking care of powder who's the main character), but when a random ass child shows up years late to the party and needs someone to take care of them and the child character has no previous connection to the audience... i really dislike that in stories im so sorry. leave jinx alone

also, in what world is jinx ready to be a mother figure to anyone lmao she's very much stuck in a child-like state herself half the time. this is not what she needs, we both deserve better

i like the child's design though

honestly, i hope arcane makes me take all that i just said back, but we'll see

jinx i love you

her voice is so good, the voice acting is sooo good oh my god

does she kinda have a different vibe or is it just me?

honestly thought she would be doing a lot worse than she is. good for her!

don't get me wrong, i get that from the orphan's point of view jinx just saved her life and she's clearly super strong, what else is she supposed to do than follow

what i'm saying is that i personally do not want jinx to take care of a child right now. i want this to be about the sisters. the fact that i don't like this is on me, the writers can obviously do whatever they want with their story buuut.....

sevika<3

can't wait for her and jinx to team up

wait does sevika even know that jinx was the one who killed silco?

i don't know what's going on with viktor and whatever he's saying here is not helping

did she though?

everything viktor does now is so slow. the way he speaks, the way he moves...

im not a jayvik girlie but i imagine that those who are felt rly sad after this scene

ekko my boy! the biker mouse from mars can speak?

my brother: he really does look like one

i literally facepalmed and my brother groaned

ekko please ditch this creature you're better on your own

shut up. you're not cute, you're not funny.

i should probably clarify that heimer is my least favourite character in the show, i kinda have no patience for anything he does 😂

i literally said DO IT JAYCE out loud

this made me laugh

same, ekko, same.

can we talk about the way he's holding the cup lol

it's also kinda funny and kinda sad at the same time that this is probably his first time tasting tea

SHUT UUUUPPPP

i screamed

vi? nooo, what the hell 😫 i thought it was the bad guys after her but no it's VI? don't hurt jinx like this, don't hurt me like this

the animation is making me feel like i'm the one who can't breathe damn

hasn't my girl been through enough?? stooooppp

this looked really cool though

there's no way those were the only two times he saw her cry

also, she's insane, blinking and getting even closer. i am obsessed with her

YESSSHHHH

after getting her ass kicked by vi and jinx repeatedly in season 1, i have a feeling this is a battle she's finally going to win 😆

the whole-body movement she did here, so cute, i love her so much 😭

GET JINXED OMG!!!!!!!! 💙💙💙💙💙

holy shit you can always trust arcane with fight scenes

my brother: no one does fight scenes better than arcane.

me: i know right?! that was so good! best scene in season 2 so far!

brother: yep.

oh wow ok. girl, 1st of all, ew. 2nd of all, that thing was like 80% machine what was there left for you to eat? 3rd of all... this begs the question, what do these people eat, exactly? do they draw the line at cannibalism but everyone else is fair game? huh.

i doubt the people in piltover eat like this

no, let's not do that<3

what is he, jesus? this is a bit too much.

[lamelysgirlie]

Rating things I've done as a shifter (bare w me)

Buying a body pillow w the intention of cuddling my s/o: 5/10 it's just made me super sad and made me pity myself

Pretending I'm in my reality: 7/10 it's fun to do and definitely gives me motivation but it's a double edged sword sometimes

Switching to my WR: 100/10 I'm a super logical shifter and I'm making my WR my new CR

Relapsing onto shifttok: -1/10 never again

Getting Tumblr: 10/10 you guys understand me

Reading smut: 100/10 gives me motivation that I crave 😫

Buying shifting readings: 7/10 they helped somewhat but idk sometimes I just didn't feel like it resonated completely

Creating playlist: goes hand in hand with the 'pretending I'm in my reality' like it's a double edge sword cause I get excited but then get super upset

Giving up (I was throwing a temper tantrum really): 0/10, it was a phase and I happily get to say I got my edge back and I'm trying again

Trying to set my environment up to resemble my WR: 9/10 it helps me a lot with shifting

Creating memes: 10/10 so fun and gave me and my friend a good laugh when we were crying.

Creating sigils: 10/10 literally the sigil made me feel like I was being thrown out the fucking window

Talking to the air as a person: 9/10 spectacular until someone walks in on you mid-conversation

Having a routine: 7/10 I don't know it got me very unmotivated to shift because I would get so many doubts bc it wouldn't go as planned

Trying a promising method on a whim: 1000/10 the 5B5 method ( I accidentally astral projected)

Trying to understand what shifter I was: 10/10 reflective moments help me understand who I was and what I can do to help my journey I very much recommend it

Lastly chatting w ChatGPT: 100/10 she my hg fr. Sometimes she a lil slow but on days where we become intellectual beings we can GET INTO IT and she is sooo inspiring. ugh.

Anyway I'm gonna shift tn bc I luv my WR and the smut is started to get mid :').

[ribbonsncherries]

ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི₊ ⊹𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒰𝓃𝒶𝓈𝓈𝒾𝑔𝓃𝑒𝒹 𝒜𝓈𝓈𝒾𝑔𝓃𝑒𝒹 𝒮𝑒𝒶𝓉˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

Student!Dean Winchester AU x student! reader

A/N: I still have a grudge over the person who took my seat this semester, like MOVE. btw with the end, I didn't know how to end this story sooo come up with a better ending in your head I bet it's much better than mine.

Summary: Everyone knows that if someone sits in the same spot for more than a day in class then that is their seat for the rest of the semester. So when Y/N comes to class she finds a surprise, and the competition for the seat begins.

Warnings: Language

Divider Credits:

@anitalenia

@cafekitsune

GIF Credits:

@supernovagifs

REBLOGS AND LIKES ARE ALWAYS APPRECIATED

Another day another lecture. Y/N was exhausted from work the night before. So she was late to class, she’d been late before so she quickly got dressed had some cereal, and drove to school. When she came in she saw a guy with darkish blonde hair, little bits of freckles on his face, and the immediate smell of leather from his jacket. Y/N with a smile said, “Hi, excuse me, this is my seat.” She said in the most respectful tone to convince him to move.

Dean faced her and looked up and down at her then turned his head behind him and pointed at the empty seats “Go find another one sweetheart there are no assigned seats here.” He smirked before going back to his notes. Y/N’s mouth was slightly open. She marched back to the row behind him and sat down. Her seat didn’t feel right. Her seat was perfectly in the middle where she could see everything and be able to see no matter how tall a person is. Now this guy who took her spot’s hair is in the way. She grumbled as she took her notes constantly moving her body side to side to see what the professor was writing.

The next day came around and Y/N managed to get her seat in time by being 20 minutes early to class. Ridiculous, she knows that. But this seat is the best in the class and there’s no way she’s giving up without a fight. The lecture hall started filling up with the usual students. But Dean arrived 10 minutes early after Y/N. So when he saw the seat was taken Y/N looked down at the door and smirked. Dean growled in anger and sat down in the row behind her. “Bitch…” he muttered under his breath. Y/N looked behind her “It’s Y/N at least get my name right.” She said before returning to her work.

After the next couple of days, the fight for the chair turned…a little more competitive than it needed to be. Dean was known for his pranks on Sam. So he decided to use his master gift of pranks and use it on Y/N for the glory seat in the lecture hall. So when class ended and everyone left, Dean wrote down that the class was switched over to room 403. So he smirked as he left the class. And at room 403 he wrote a little note for Y/N.

The next day Y/N woke up early and got to class 20 minutes early like usual. When she saw the note on the board she went to room 403 which was a long walk from her regular lecture class. So when she reached the room her face dropped

‘Dumbass -Dean’

Y/N knew his name now. But that was the least of her worries. She ran out of the class and back to her regular lecture hall where she saw Dean smirk at her and wink back at her. She had a mad face and walked to the seat behind him. “Fucking asshole.” She muttered. “Looks stupid in that jacket.” She muttered as she dug her pencil into her notebook causing the led to crack.

One time as Y/N was walking to class she saw Dean was right beside her. They both made eye contact as one walked faster than the other and at that point been almost running. Allison being such a talented actor almost fell to her knees as her arms went to her lower torso. “Ahh!” She muttered like she was in pain. Dean’s smile immediately dropped as he went to her in worry and crouched down. “Hey! Hey, you ok?” He asked helping her up. Allison smiled and immediately ran “idiot!” She yelled as she ran for the seat laughing.

Then after a few weeks, it got…extreme. Both Dean and Y/N set up pillows in front of the lecture hall and covered themselves with blankets. “What time is your alarm?” Y/N asked smugly.

“5:45.” “Well I’ll set mine for 5:40.” She smirked. Dean immediately yelled out “Siri, change the alarm to 5:50!” Y/N looked back in anger. “Siri set the alarm for 6:00!” “Siri, disable Y/N’s phone.” Her mouth was wide open “You can’t do that! Siri self-destruct!” Their feud was like it wasn’t going to end. They kept going at it until Y/N just had enough.

Y/N was late for class and she competed with Dean so much she forgot to wash her jacket. It was so cold outside and in the lecture hall. So she grabbed whatever long sleeve she had left and went to class. She saw Dean at the seat with a smirk. She came up to him “Listen, I’m done. Just take it, it’s yours.” She mumbled while shivering. Dean's smirk faded as his eyes followed her to go to the seat behind him. Which they called the loser seat since whoever didn’t get the chair would sit there behind it. Dean had so many layers on him so he took off his jacket and walked behind her. He dumped his jacket over her shivering body.

She looked behind her and looked at him. “Now you’re the stupid one with the jacket.” He said as he smiled remembering what she said about him those first days. Y/N’s face turned red, she thought he didn’t hear her. “Sorry about that by the way…” she said awkwardly. “Thanks.” She muttered as she adjusted the jacket to fit better. She had to admit she felt much warmer. So when Dean returned to the seat. He couldn’t help but feel upset. Why did he feel bad, he won, and after weeks and weeks of competing for the seat why did he feel worse?

When class was over Y/N returned the jacket to him “Thanks, I was freezing in there.” She said. Dean smiled as he put it back on her. “It’s freezing out here, just make sure not to dirty it, it’s a bitch to have it dry cleaned.” He said as he grabbed his backpack and walked away. Y/N sat there still shocked. She put on his jacket properly. And when she put it on she immediately smelt the genuine leather, wood, and men’s cologne he always wore. Y/N had to admit he was somewhat cute. His emerald eyes and his cute little freckles on his face. It’s almost like she wanted to kiss- wait what the hell was she thinking?

As she began doing her chores at her apartment she kept looking at the leather jacket that was hanging, it annoyed her that she couldn’t stop thinking about him.

As for Dean, he couldn’t stop thinking about her. Whenever he talked to Sam it was always about the competitions, every single topic Sam tries to tell, Dean always tries to make some connection to Y/N or the seat competition. “Dude shut up, I get it. You poured water on the seat and got her butt wet. You told me…20 times.” Sam said. Dean’s face dropped “Hey it was funny.” He defended. “Just admit you like her,” Sam told him in a reliving tone.

“I don’t like her.” Dean smiled. “Dude no, she’s a crybaby about a seat.” “So were you!” Dean looked down and agreed to himself he was a crybaby too. “Dude, you talk about her all the damn time.” Dean leaned back on his bed, where he and Sam were talking. “Dude no I don’t.”

“Y/N woke up so early for this, Y/N was hurt so I thought she needed help, Y/N is smart for choosing that seat, Y/N this, Y/N that. Just admit it!” He said hoping to bring his brother to his senses. “Fine, ok I thought she was hot, plus that added spunk in her caught my attention more,” Dean admitted. Sam could only smirk. “See big brother it wasn’t that hard.” He cooed at Dean. “shut up.” he said back. 

Y/N gave up. The perfect seat was gone. She wasn’t a sore loser so she just let him have it. She got his leather jacket he let her borrow then her bag and made her way to class. When she arrived she saw Dean sitting next to the chair they fought for with his bag on the seat like he was saving it.

“Hey, thanks for letting me borrow it, I promise nothing happened to it while I had it,” she said handing Dean back his jacket. Dean smiled and put it back on, he smelled her perfume mixed with his cologne that was lingering on the jacket. “Thanks.” he smiled back as he got back to his notes. Y/N stood there still wondering why the seat was not taken. “Why aren't you sitting in the good spot? Isn’t that why we fought for so long?” she smiled. Dean looked at her and chuckled, “Well, you had it first, my mom taught me better than to steal a lady's seat. So by all means sit.” 

Y/N smiled as Dean took his bag off the chair and placed it on the floor. As she sat down and gathered her things on the desk to begin working, Dean looked at her “Did you have fun at least… know with this thing happening?” Y/N giggled, “I did have to admit some parts were funny, but it was not funny when you stuck gum on the chair. It took me hours to take it all off.” she said. “I'm sorry, but you gotta admit it was funny.” he laughed. This was the first time he noticed her. He notices her hair, her eyes, her clothes, the little keychains on her backpack, and the colors on the highlighters she has. “I’m Dean, Dean Winchester,” he said with his hand out for a handshake. Y/N smiled as she took her hand in his, “Y/N L/N.” “Well Y/N I officially call a truce,” he said. Gripping even harder on her hand. “And I officially call an agreement.” she smiled. 

“Do you wanna go to lunch after class? There's this diner and trust me every seat is good.” Dean asked her smiling. Y/N’s face grew pink and she nodded her head. “Sure.” she agreed. Who knew a guy Y/N grew to dislike became someone she could tolerate and maybe even like at this school. And it was all because of a chair.

[pettytiredandjewish]

@puregoldz666

Haha! No think you honey. I don’t think I’m gonna do that- my calendar is super full right now, so I’ll have to take a rain check :) oh and I never turned off replies soooo…

So I’m a wicked vile person because I actually care about everyone’s human rights… those same rights that are in danger to those living in the states (especially the red states)????? Or are you just mad cuz I’m calling groups out who fucked up this election??? Cuz a lot of y’all fucked this up (republicans/young men who are obsessed with Joe Rogan and his goons/TERFS/ the extreme religious groups/ democrats for getting too cocky/ and the pro Palestine and anti Zionist groups who have been telling many many people to not vote for Harris (to vote third party, vote trump, or just not vote)….) a lot of y’all share blame so I’m not sure why you are mad. And I’m pretty sure that I’ve mentioned this before but….

No one wanted this damn fucking war! We want it to be over and for all hostages to be freed. The Israelis are not their fucking government (and a whole lot of them hates their president sooo…). This war could have been prevented if Hamas (a fucking terrorist organization) never attacked. But look what happened…. Hamas fucked around and they found out. No one wanted this. Hell a lot of us “Zionist” Jews wants Palestine free- from fucking Hamas. With trump becoming president, that really fucks everything up. Palestine and Israel are screwed. And so is Ukraine (a lot of y’all seemed to forget what’s happening to Ukraine…) but they all aren’t the only ones screwed. Women, POC, LGBTQ, the disabled, etc- all of their rights (and mine cuz I’m queer, trans, and Jewish) are on the line. Heck some states (like mine) are already starting to fuck us up. Sooo…. Again not sure why you mad or why you think it’s cool to tell me to kms. If all of what I care for makes me a wicked vile person- then what does this make you??? Just curious :)

They called it… they fucking called it

To those who were eligible to vote but refused cuz of Harris- well congratulations! That orange fucker won. Hope you’re happy. Also don’t start bitching when all of our rights starts to get taken away (reproductive rights, LGBTQ rights, etc.) we fucking warned you. We warned you that if you didn’t vote then trump was more likely to win. Also you pulling this stunt- isn’t gonna help Palestine. Y’all claim that you are pro Palestine but after this election- you just proved that you really don’t give a damn about them. So congrats!

[whilomm]

oh okay heres one:

"sleepaway camp"= you go there for at least a few days, a week, sometimes several weeks, and sleep there, as opposed to a """camp""" where you go for the day and your parents or whoever picks you up afterward (those arent really camps, but like. idk when i went to "space camp" it was a weeklong but not sleepaway). in the U.S. at least, the typical image of a sleepaway camp involves staying in cabins, dunno how common it is/what it looks like in other countries.

for the first few i just mean like. not necessarily a stealth church camp, just like. idk, a camp where theres also an Assumption Of Christianity and just general vibes without being actually church camp. So, there might not be daily services and jesusy dedicatwd activities, but maybe theres still a prayer said over meals and shit. Which i assume might exist...

(oh and @reblogforsamplesize if u wanna)

[lloydfrontera]

'lloyd is very weak now and needs to marry so he'll have someone to protect him'- lloyd has the only grandmaster on the world following him around like a puppy. he has the most terrifying motherfucker on the world wrapped around his little finger. he has the one person in the world who can hit an absolute in the head and get away with it swearing in his heart to protect him no matter the cost over and over again.

lloyd made javier watch him die twice right in front of him just to keep him alive. there is no power on existence that could make javier allow anyone or anything to even think about harming lloyd again.

lloyd is fine

[shakingparadigm]

what is the theory that ivan manipulated the event where till and mizi met the wagyein?

It's not a theory, actually! It's confirmed that Ivan orchestrated the whole event. The true reason as to why however is still unknown. The information provides more context to this scene, though:

During the earlier times of ALNST the most rational explanation for this scene was that Till ran after a flower crown (presumably Mizi's) and Ivan followed him in out of curiosity. Now we know that Ivan was conveniently just standing there because he was waiting.

Side note, I find it heartbreaking (and maybe a little funny, sorry) that Till most likely didn't notice Ivan in this scene. That's just like him, isn't it. Always too busy running after Mizi while Ivan trails behind, an ever-present shadow.

I'm not sure how Ivan manipulated the circumstances for both of them to end up there, but it is confirmed that everything was intentional. What strikes me most is how they describe this particular scene:

I can't copy down what they said word-for-word (Patreon info), but they described Ivan watching "creepily" as Till and Mizi are faced with danger. We know that Ivan was familiar with the Cerberus wagyein beforehand, enough to touch its teeth and even to rest himself inside its maw. To Ivan, the wagyein is not dangerous, but to Till and Mizi, it could be. Ivan prepared the wagyein, led them there, and watched "creepily" from afar as Till fell on his knees, seemingly injured.

The closest I can get to making sense of Ivan's "scheme" is that he wanted to see how other children would react in a dangerous situation. Ivan's always been an observer, after all, and he's learned to survive by copying the more "normal" behaviors of his peers. This situation occured when Ivan was still young and had not yet developed his more charming mask, so perhaps he staged this encounter to study a situational response, to learn and mimic the emotion of fear. And what better subjects for the experiment than two of the most expressive and reactive humans of their batch? It helps that he was already fixated on Till beforehand, too. I think Ivan became irreversibly obssessed after this incident, especially since it's framed as a turning point in Ivan's life, comparing Till to the stars.

This is just my attempt at an interpretation, though. It could very well be for another reason. He most likely chose Till and Mizi specifically for personal reasons, not just for reaction. I'm still not sure on the purpose behind the whole thing.

The team wanted to capture Ivan's "dark emotions" through the shot of his stalking, which could relate to his more sinister intentions. His gaze can be read in a few different ways, though. Curiosity, interest, fear, etc. Maybe that's why they decided to redraw the shot in ROUND 6.

I think this better sells the feeling they were trying to convey.

[vaguely-concerned]

in his and davrin's banters, lucanis exhibits a certain little shit energy I don't think we see him have with anyone else other than illario and honestly I am living for this

[abernathyvalois]

If every motherfucker is a “people pleaser” why am i not pleased. Why am i displeased. Name 1 person that is pleased with you

[harbingersecho]

I don't feel pain I never escape I'm under the bed I'm licking the floor

[blackhholes]

Teen Wolf as Arthurian Characters

Derek Hale as Merlin

[borgialucrezia]

"He's spent the entire time being picked upon and bullied by the family. I think personally from where Juan stands he sees the hypocrisy in the family, how they can do one thing and say another. As far as Juan is concerned he's always had the best interests of the family at heart, however misguided that might be and doesn't quite comprehend why nobody understands that. Nobody seems to understand that what he does, he does for the betterment of the Borgia clan and never waivers from that. He does that in ways that perhaps aren't sanctioned by the church or sanctioned by family law."

[voguewoozi]

can't believe people are still out here accusing real ass people of queerbaiting. at this point just admit you like forcing people to come out before they're ready because that's what the result of this continues to be. coming out to anyone isn't an obligation for any queer person and people shouldn't have to alter their behavior or personality or presentation just because you personally think they're cishet. that is literally your own personal problem to work on. keep it to yourself

[soupforsoup]

Me, seconds after the credits roll: okay, here's how mike can still be michael afton-

[milkbreadtoast]

my s class hunters does a really good job at gradually raising the stakes without feeling like a pointless power creep and keeping me extremely invested and i keep saying this but I really do think it's bc it's a story grounded in love at every turn... the bond between the han brothers especially is extremely compelling and beautiful and makes me feel like a knife is being stabbed into my heart and twisted all around... i love them so so much 😞💔❤️‍🩹❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥