#but this is rly sad bc it hurts
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btw mapicc's everything today reminded me so violently of s4 ro and s4 dualities in general but if i think abt it too hard i will Actually Cry as i always do when it comes to dualities so im just gonna joke abt mawn and ignore it for my own sake ^-^
#lifesteal spoilers#like oh my god is this agonizing#dualities devotions team awesome#the callbacks just kept HAPPENING#please stay silly ro please#like login and die to a warden while zam streaming and spend the rest of the stream distracting him from his Lore by being . roshambo .#thinking abt s4 makes me so unbelievably sad bro#s5 too tbh but like its different#s4 devastates me bc of team awesome#s5 devastates me bc of spacewaffles#both make me sad thinking abt ro but he in general makes me sad bc hes a terribly lonely character#which is why i want him to play the damn server w jumper and rek#like please stop ruining your own life for once im begging u#just do like one thing w jumper and/or rek#just one#its all i ask#or fuck it idc just go back to mapicc like u always do just dont have another season w an underlying theme of loneliness#...more than his newest video already has him isolating himself 😭#like jumper cares for ro so very much it hurts my heart#i cant help but rly rly think that even if subconciously#she is seeing what she could never have w vi in ro#like what happened w vi Changed Her and like all she wants is whats best for rek and ro#and to be able to be w them as HER teammates
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ok note to self: maybe dont animate for nearly 12 hours straight with heavy pressure LMAO
#my? index fingernail hurts?#i cannot think of anything else ive done to cause this besides animating for hours on end#its like a very random shooting/tightening pain#theres no visible difference to it so i have no idea what is happening lmao#but it sucks bc i rly wanna draw more but i should probably give it a rest if my fingie hurts bc of it#sad times for me#my wrist is okay tho! just my fingie being weird ig
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guys I'm so fking sad..... one of my favorite (maybe even my favorite) Korean VAs passed away... Lee Woori-nim(이우리)... I just heard the news so I don't know why he died but I'm sure he was way too young... This is so devastating. You may know him as the korean voice of Cyno from genshin, or Lord Oyster from CRK...I need to find his other roles too... He had one of the most beautiful voices I've ever heard and his acting was good too, I was really really looking forward to hearing him in many more roles esp main chara roles ㅠㅠㅠ I even included him in my TWSB fancast (for yeseo/jesse)... I've only discovered him recently (bc of crk) but I just instantly fell in love w his voice T_T so angelic and gentle and handsome... I'm so sad man. Rest in peace...
#so many talented people dying recently it's been nonstop mourning#every death deserves to be mourned but#just posting abt this one bc this one rly hurts personally for me UGH...#i dont want to believe it....#이우리#lee woori#sobs...#genshin players please treasure cyno bc his voice is immortalized as him... T_T#i cant believe we wont get to hear his voice anymore....#cyno#genshin cyno#cyno genshin impact#lord oyster#he was one of the best in kr VA industry I'm not kidding like.#he shouldve gotten sm more roles...#main/protag roles....#man i just cant believe it like i liked him sm that i imagined him in fancasts all the time but#ONLY reserved for my favs that deserve the prettiest voice... like yeseo & kabru dunmeshi....😞💔#EDIT: fuck forget what i said abt cyno... theyll prob recast him for genshin...#that makes me so sad i forgot about that. feels so bad.... he wont be immortalized in that game after all#in fact he'll be erased..... 💔💔💔#at least his lines should be on youtube hopefully...
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"Bring on The Dancing Horses"(x) - Echo and The Bunnymen × Ferrari Drivers
#yes this web weave was titled 'Bring on The Prancing Horses' in my docs....yes im proud of that....#long post whoop!!! pls scroll back thru and listen to the song while doing so if you wanna experience it better :)#this was originally supposed to be an edit but i have no patience for that and im very happy w this!!#i daydream to music a lot and when i first heard this song i could only think of ferrari seb then sebchal then ferrari drivers in general#but this hurt me a lot to make(for several reasons)#one: AAAAHHHH IT MAKES ME SADDDDDDD!! now im only gonna be able to think of the myth of ferrari when i listen to this song#it rly hurt to look up the pics for this bcs it still feels sore to me and it makes me so sad#but at least i didnt have to watch vids! id probably burst into tears#two: fighting for my life in google docs trying to format the text hahaha... i refuse to use photoshop#special thanks to cofi (@sweatyflytrap) for giving me the idea to put the TPs for the lies lyrics!#its both funny and unfortunate that domenicali was the TP for both felipe and fernando#it would be a bit better if there was a different tp for each but ah oh well#also hehe changed the lyric a tiny bit for the Kimi part. in the og lyrics its Jimmy not Kimi but yknow felt odd to leave it as it was so!#other than that i really really ardently feel that this song fits the cycle of ferrari drivers soooooo well#the 'bring on the new messiah' at the end of the song PLEASE IT FITS SO WELL! with how they drop their prev golden boy for whoevers next!#also omg the way seb's verse is 'you're breaking my brittle heart' rather than "im breaking your brittle heart' HURTS DOESNT IT??????#i didnt included the original opening/middle verse. i def could make it fit but it wasnt a good opening for this post specifically#'Jimmy Brown made of stone' = kimi again. 'Charlie clown no way home' = charles of course!#anyways this is my magnum opus...but nah i really like it! ill only ever make web weaves w random 80s music i think hahah#ferrari#scuderia ferrari#felipe massa#kimi raikkonen#fernando alonso#sebastian vettel#charles leclerc#f1#formula 1#we do a little bit of f1#normal posts that catie normally makes in a normal fashion
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i wish i was able bodied so i could take a dance class that would be so fun i think
#i dont think i’d be good at it necessarily but i think it would be very fun#i took tai chi the last semester i was in college & i loved learning the moves & the sequences#i guess i could try youtubing it when im feeling physically up to it but :( not quite the same as an actual class#i was gonna do clogging!!! and then my body was too fucked and i couldnt take the class!!!! im so sad abt that#i miss my other house where i had big open spaces & hardwood floors so i could spin & dance around in my wheelchair. i just dont have#the space for it now#grrrr im having sm fun pretending my body’s not fucked and dancing around the house with the dogs but i knowwww it’ll hurt so bad tomorrow#but right now im really proud of myself for having fun and being silly and getting myself#out of the funk i was in earlier!!! im ending a hard day on a rly good note!!!! but god i wish it could be like this forever#ive lost so much stuff that brings me joy bc of my disability & im getting a small glimpse of rmring what it was like#& i want it back so bad. but it’s really really good even if it’s just for right now
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extremely extremely worried about my dog :(
#shes been eating genuinely enough for two months and losing weight like crazy still#like. shes just bones its upsetting to see#she has skin issues shes limping a lot it seems specifically one of her paws hurts her or smth#she has like. diarrhea and stuff#and the vet said her liver is enlarged which. could mean some bad things#and i wont know until next month rly#like i wont even take pics of her bc its just sad to see how Extremely thin she is#she looks like shes starving but she literally eats#and even has appetite the last week like eats enthusiastically enough that i have to put her food in the bowl that slows her down#shes excited to go on walks#like idk what is going OOOOOON
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i watched wickeddddddd
#all i can think abt rn tho#is that i didn’t have time to eat beforehand so i ate dinner at like 10:30 or 11 or smth#and my stomach rly hurts now lolol 🫠#like this always happens when i eat too late like after kinda skipping the usual meal time#maybe ate too fast maybe ate too spicy lol#ANYWAY WlCKEDWAS GOOD#there were a bunch of kids in front of us who started singing along to popular lol 😭#and the last note of defying g/ravity 💀💀#i was like trying not to be annoyed bc like i understand i’m not even a huge previous fan or anything and i wanted to sing along to popular#but it was kinda funny bc my hand just involuntarily shot out in like a ‘woah chill shush’ gesture lmao 😭#also i am like slightly familiar w the musical and have listened to the soundtrack a couple times#but never enough to look into the lyrics and the story#so it was cool to finally get the whole context behind the songs i’m somewhat familiar with#esp like defyi g gravity which i actually know all the lyrics for lmao but just never what they actually meant in the story LOL#i’m familiar enough w the music that as soon as for good even looks like it’s starting in the next part#i’m just gonna burst into tears going to drown in tears#it was rly good i cried twice 😭😭😭#also LOL i have only ever seen jo/nathan b/ailey in h/eartstopper his little guest role#and ngl having only seen that i was like#i mean yeah he’s conventionally attractive but why r ppl so obsessed w him#but now i kinda get it LOL#kinda sad bc i saw it w friends and i won’t be able to see the next part w them probably 🥹🥹#idk ig never say never bc i don actually know what my job and time off looks like#i probably could like i probably have access to that info but idk it LOL#but yeah 😔 at least we saw this part and it was fun yay#anyway 💀 some random thoughts for ya for tn LOL#jeanne talks
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kghn fic where hinata gets hit by a car on his bike ride home. or his bike gets stolen (pseudo sugar daddy kags arc maybe if tobio pays for a new one ?)
#can’t believe i’ve never read this before#if anyone has I am always so happy to receive recs#kghn#kagehina#hinata shouyou#kageyama tobio#it would just hurt so bad and I rly rly love when fics play on the underlaying themes that make hq so deep and complex and authentic#and beautiful#like the difference in resources and accessibility b/w hinata and kageyama#bc of differences in background/wealth#hinata having to do a half hour bike over a mountain to get to school/home every day has always broken my heart a little#like. fuck he’s just a kid#he’s trying so hard#he’s working so hard#now imagine his bike gets stolen#he relies on it and loves it and maybe can’t afford a new one#he’s so sad and worried and torn up#and he’s stressed tf out bc obv his parent(s) can’t drive him or they would (?)#maybe they can but it’s not sustainable#enter kageyama. freaked out by hinata’s tears. doesn’t like how they make his chest feel weird. buys him a new one.#hinata: did you get a new bike .#hinata internally: it looks just like my old one the bastard#kageyama: it’s yours#hinata: excuse me#this reminds me of that fic where kageyama is on a sports scholarship in uni and a year older and buys hinata things kshfksgkfdhk#it was rly cute#oh the accident one is bc every time there’s a shot of a car on the road while hinata bikes home I have a heart attack#ITS NIGHT TIME. YOU DONT HAVE A HELMET. THERES NO ONE ELSE ON THE ROAD. UR ON THE ROAD AND THERES A CAR#scares the shit outta me I WISH YOU DIDNT HAVE TO DO THIS BABY😭😭😭#even tho it’s super important for ur character and themes etc etc ikik
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was walking down the street today and someone wanted to collect donations for something and they addressed me with a “hi girl!” and i wanted to crawl into a hole and die :-(
#ah it’s not their fault i don’t pass but it still hurt very suddenly#i get addressed as mädel soooo much esp if i’m out w friends who are girls#that’s just how germans are they’ll go ‘hi mädels’ or ‘seid ihr bereit zu bestellen mädels’ or whatever#but man :( it made me sad i couldn’t rly get myself out of the funk as i usually can#which upsets me bc every time i think i’ve made my peace w it i realise i haven’t 🥲#i’m still a bit fucked up by it since now it’s making me think abt my family and whatnot ugh#sorry for rambling
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ah shit only just realised its september now.... lets hope the rest of this month isn't like this.....
#just med shit innit. gonna force myself up at my usual work time even tho i have the day off bc I need to be in my routine or ill lose it#i am. very tired and very sad. and thats ok generally im ok ive been keeping myself so busy for weeks and weeks#and im glad im going out n doing shit often n meeting new ppl n trying to focus more on hobbies n get more on the life balance#but whenever i have a moment to stop i still get so sad. ik exactly why theyre all just old aches n wounds i dont want to wallow in them!!#lately its been well under control i only usually have one actual bad day a week and sometimes its not even a whole day#and the rest im.just busy and i dont know if im just avoiding things and its not satisfying being busy bc im still missing out needs#but i cant fulfil them so might as well stay busy and not think about it!!#and its okay its all okay im just so sad right now :-( but im going to sleep soon and then ill be busy tmr so i dont have to think abt it#i wanna ventpost abt it but also i dont rly want to bc findinf the words to talk abt the things distressing me involves thinking abt it#which will just.make me feel worse. and it wont resolve anything bc its all mostly outside of my control anyway just hurts innit#but im trying hard to make my life bigger than it was before even if its still shallow and not quite enough at least it covers more space#yeah yeah we all want to feel genuine connection and wanted and loved but life doesnt often work out like that so.#hands in your pockets player keep it moving. im goiny to brush my teeth and then rly need to go to bed zzzzz#.diaries#hope everyone else had a nice weekend i had a pretty good saturday at least. and played a lot of videogames today so could be worse#very glad i dont have work tomorrow as well thank u past me for booking it off ahh..
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whatever, can everyone go and be all niceys to me please
#cw alcohol#sad bc had to leave friend's bday party early due to Getting So Drunk#so now im hungover n feeling all sad and volatile and also tummy hurts and am anxious about skipping todays lectures#also i got upset bc a person ive never met (but is friends with the afforementioned friend and is in their discord) was mean to me#but apparently he wasnt even mean im just insecure and way too sensitive and misinterpret the tone bc of an emoji.#i fucking hate my life!!!! why did i have to drink that much!!!!#im 25 this isnt fun anymore!!!#i could have stayed and watched lord of the rings with them but nooo i had to leave#and to top it all off. Other Problems that are Bothering me and am going to therapy about#could it been the reason ive lost control to begin with? Maybe! No Idea!#shit sucks man. it rly does#tbd
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wow those videos of paps yelling vile things at stray kids on the met gala carpet make me feel so sick and you can't even hope they didn't hear/understand because there are multiple native english speakers in the group
#i'm so sad#i rly hope that didn't hurt their experience#but they shouldn't just have to expect racisim at a prestigious event in the US just bc they're a kpop group
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1 day i will make a meta of sansa's dynamic with her metaphorical champions/suitors & how that correlates to the ashford theory (i.e sansa being betrothed to joffrey baratheon, then promised to willas tyrell, then being married to tyrion lannister, then being married to harry hardying then married to aegon vi targaryen & aurane velaryon but it is not this day. lmao. when i make that meta it'll be so over for y'all.
#just know that. she never marries after aurane. btw lmao#like if he like g-d forbid ever died before she did she'd like. literally never marry or love again like. thats it lmfao#but anyway like. she has a complicated relationship w/ all of them tbh & reflects on them sometimes.#she obviously hates joffrey for him abusing her but like. she can't help but feel sad for him at times bc like. he was so young.#if he had the right people around him maybe he would've turned out okay eventually. but it didnt happen. she never met willas but sometimes#she wondered what it would've been like to be lady of highgarden but she hopes he's doing alright. her dynamic w/ tyrion is. complicated#like. he was never like openly cruel to her or anything & she's grateful to him for saving her life & standing up for her but like.#there's always that grief surrounding their families & i think she resented & mostly afraid of him at the time but in hindsight she's+#grateful that he never hurt her or forced himself on her. harry she hardly knew unfortunately but like she disliked him at first#but then he actually seemed to warm up to her & she had him tied around her lil finger but she knows that she wouldn't like to be married+#to a guy who actually has children w/ sb else. like. she's seen how that played out & while she wouldn't be mean it makes her uncomfortable#but especially surrounding aegon bc like. she's not naive enough to say she loved him but like. she actually LIKED him#like. while she was wary of him at first she warmed up to him & genuinely respected him as a person & most importantly aegon was her FRIEND#they got along rly well due to their similar upbringings & what they had to do to survive & like. he's actually a decent guy in canon. lmao#he's handsome & was chivalrous & honorable & sweet w/ her but also like batshit insane in a good way. like.#he was the golden prince she always wanted since she was a little girl; the prince that joffrey was supposed to be but never was.#he gave her a future as queen of westeros that was originally HERS. so when daenerys eventually executes him she has mixed feelings about i#aegon was good to her & she'd vowed not to betray him & she actually intended to keep that vow. to her she was forever in his debt+#he gave her a future from her isolation & suffering @ winterfell bc of how much everything changed & he waited for her to love him back.#he actually showed her respect & gave her a solid future when she felt alone & abandoned & led her gently into a world of his own making+#& gave her back her honor & a future. esp when the north was divided between jon rickon & herself. most preferred jon or rickon over her.#without aegon's intervention she probably would've had to marry some northern lord below her station. the winterfell succession crisis wild#but aurane velaryon? that's the love of her life. her bold captain. he taught her how to love & coaxed her in the sun to bloom & freed her.#freed her from the chains of her family obligations. he taught her to break the rules of tradition & follow her heart & trust her instincts#he was there with her in her darkest hour. he quite literally saved her life & defended her honor when no one else had the balls to do that#no one looks @ or touches her the way aurane does she loved him madly truly & deeply he took her girlhood in his stride but when autumn cam#she escaped & had to push him into the deepest recesses of her mind in the name of survival & pragmatism but she never stopped loving him.#& his sweet memory brought too much heartache & bittersweetness for her. she lowkey waited for him for years. & they EVENTUALLY reunited !#he fought & got legitimized for HER. she's. so genuinely happy w/ that man. he's one of her best friends & the father to her children.
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~
#anxiety rly is a bitch bc this whole day i've been so on edge ive been feeling sick my heart just hurts#heart palpitations but i just wanted to stay in bed all day and rot#i hate constantly venting on here but i find it easier than on twt#especially bc i vented this morning#but im feeling bad again#and it's worse this time around#im just so stressed out over everything#i'm so tired#and just sad#big sad and also hungry#and i miss elvis#but im always missing elvis#but it's one of those things where like i miss him bc i think he'd be such a good friend to me rn#if that makes sense#like i can tell he was always a good listener and what i would giveeee to just vent to him right now#i always say elvis is the friend i desperately need#sigh#anyway
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The double-edged sword of enjoying Chicago and knowing basically all the songs by heart, but also can't stop crying every time I watch/listen to any of them bcs I can't stop thinking about how covid robbed me of getting the experience of ever performing it :(
#*in the pit#its literally like the best show ever for the pit#and yet i learned all that music and got it stuck in my head for months(well years now lmao)#and for what.#for nothing.#UGHHHHHHHHH IT MAKES ME SO FUCKING SAD#WE HAD SUCH GRAND PLANS#and covid hit literally the week of the first full practice with the pit and cast combined#so ill literally never know what it would have been like to be on stage#it hurts my heart so badly#bcs i rly love the songs and know them so well but i cant enjoy them bcs i just get really sad#and not only did covid ruin that show. it also ruined any performances for the rest of highschool#bcs social distancing#so irs like. i felt such joy for 1 and half years#like got to do something i really vibed with#AND THEN IT GOT DESTROYED#i generally like the quarantine time bcs it changed me a lot as a person#but this. i cannot ever let it slide. it will haunt me for the rest of my life#bcs thw first musical i did. it was a very typical musical for pit#like wear all black. sit in the pit area. fun fun#but Chicago. the pit is literally part of the cast. its so front and center#but nope!!!! 😭😭#sorry angsting#also it will piss me off forever that in the recording of the other musical +#they cut out so many of the instrumental bits. like wow fuck us i guess!!#i remember buying the dvd and then being soooo disappointed and ive never touched it again#catie.rambling.txt
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/ honestly one of my favorite things about Destiny is that it's the most cheerful, fun, silly game while simultaneously being the most sad, depressing, soul crushing game in for me probably the whole franchise.
I could argue Legendia is close, but Legendia usually gets through it and comes out on the other side and returns to sunny and happy. there's a lot of hope and sunshine after all the pain. some of it is emotionally grueling (Moses and Jay's sidequests were several knives in the gut honestly regardless of how they ended), but it always ends in hope and seeing the good in the situation.
Destiny doesn't really get that. all the sunny and cheerful aspects kinda just get crushed along the way and I think that shows most prominently in Stahn himself. he is the cheerfulness, the silliness, the happiness; but when things get worse and worse he starts to get angry, aggressive, and hotheaded. he starts to lose that purity and goofiness he started with.
the game doesn't end every scenario like Legendia - hopeful and looking toward a bright future. most scenarios end up with a huge fucking gut punch to reality, as if to contest Stahn's childish and naïve view of the world at the game's start. Stahn reacts accordingly, and it's always so emotionally raw.
I think it's also something about Stahn himself for me - seeing that happy, genuine, pure guy who really does actually see the best in everything be crushed under the weight of that. there was no way he was coming out the same person he went in as. seeing him struggle and suffer just feels a lot more painful than it does with a lot of characters for me.
like, obviously I write Yuri and he had a lot of weight on him, but he already knew the world was shit before he went out into it. Stahn just went out there very goofily and ignorantly, knowing really nothing about the world outside of his happy little farm town. he walks out having lost so much and in so much pain. and of course, if you came to love the cast at large, it hurts even more outside of just a zoomed in on Stahn lens (NOT A PUN NOT A PUN!!! but it can be. if you want. just for you).
#{ assimilated mun }#/ maybe... i will post this on my tales personal sometime too bc i have Thoughts#like a more lengthy version bc I have Many Thoughts#but basically i am just. DREADING finishing this current playthrough LMAO#Tales is one of the few franchises capable of making me cry and Destiny does it several times#and then worse is that all that sadness doesn't even turn into happiness at the end LOL#bc Destiny 2 exists and rly went fuck u u thought shit hurt BEFORE???#and even a resolved Destiny 2 fucking hurts bc now you've got even MORE loss and bittersweetness#and the bitter is BITTER. I hereby accept Rays as the canonical end for Destiny verse LMAO /
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