#but this is more realistic and also funnier

[septimus-heap]

Tbh I think staying at zeldas cottage together is the funniest possible thing that could've happened to silas+marcia specifically. Silas goes from thinking marcia is cold and unfeeling and insane to being like "oh so she CAN experience joy but only when she's telling us over breakfast all about the latest extremely niche topic she's gotten invested in. And also she's insane"

[swagturtlethings]

Ena Projectsekai cutest girl ever as always but im having a blast looking at all the nightcord details in her untrained sanrio 4*

First off mizukis pfp has trans flag colors not exactly BUT CLOSE. Colorful palette when i catch u. The one below is ena but i cant for the life of me figure out what her pfp is im assuming its a drawing of hers?

And then the icing on the cake. The emojis. 😡 is obviously ena. Between 😮 and 👊 i have no idea who is kanade and who is mafuyu but both are funny as hell. Like yeah if i was shrimp posture trying to fc a song on master and from the corner of my eye i see my best friend (and/or gay crush depending on ur hcs) snap a shitty pic of me and send it to our discord server with hearts and squiggles on top and our other friends respond with shit like 😮 and 👊 i would also lose it

[lagunaseca2013]

How do you think Marc takes the brews Val is pregnant with his baby?

excellent question, anon! I'm not really sure if this is about reverse omegaverse or post retirement so I'm gonna go w post retirement bc I've been daydreaming about torturing that old man w pregnancy so buckle up!

I mean honestly I think marc is pretty happy! I actually don’t know if he’s talked about it before but he seems to want to start his family after retirement (rosquez soulmatery strikes again) when he can focus on it 100 percent. in this universe I don’t think marc is going to be like suddenly ready to retire just bc he has the ninth and vale is accidentally pregnant, but I think the fact that vale is at least retired and can be fully there for the baby would probably be enough for him to be okay with the situation. vale is also at least tangentially obligated to be at a lot of motogp races by virtue of owning a team and mentoring half the grid so when the baby is old enough he would get to see them a lot more than is maybe standard in this sport. (idk I could be wrong about what’s standard here I got into this like a month and a half ago)

if you’re asking how I think the actual reveal goes, well……..I think it doesn’t go as bad as it could. vale is a fucking mess when luca leaves him home alone to wait for marc. but he’s also like—relieved? at least a little bit, I mean the poor old man has been out of his mind horny and nauseous for weeks at this point and fully just thought he had some kind of mystery terminal illness. a baby isn’t a death sentence. also, he’s already decided he’s keeping it. the doctor tried to hand him an abortion brochure and the idea of it made him sick to his stomach.

obviously none of this was planned so he’s maybe coming at it from a staunchly solo angle of I’m keeping it you can be there for us or go to hell type of thing. marc is completely delighted tho so that doesn’t become an issue. I think they probably don’t have the serious conversation about it that they realllly should (remember marc came to the ranch for the explicit purpose of hammering out the reconciliation bc they’ve just been having tender intimate sex and not discussing it) and instead, you guessed it, have crazy romantic sex. marc is like fully ready to let vale fuck him, gets on his hands and knees at first and vale is like wait, and turns him over and he’s like all I’ve been thinking about for weeks is having you inside me again.

and then marc fucks him in missionary and there’s a lot of breeding kink and possibly saying I love you (rosquez be normal challenge absolute fail) and it’s RAW so marc’s come is like dripping out of him around his cock (he is cockwarming marc soft for emotional reasons). they probably do a lot more fucking, vale sleeps more than he has for the last two months that week (with or without marc inside him teehee) and marc gets to fuss over him and take care of him which is a brand new dynamic for them! pre divorce they didn’t exactly take care of each other, but if anything in the rare moments it was vale taking care of marc by virtue of being fourteen years older etc.

they order every prenatal vitamin that amazon carries and like a billion different baby development books. vale is high risk bc of his age but the ultrasounds and blood work said the baby was healthy and everything looked okay so they don’t have to worry about health stuff quite yet. (keep in mind vale got pregnant at his age on the first try; let’s just say his body has really decided to be equipped for a baby idk none of this has to be real or scientific lol) marc can’t exactly cook but he tries his best and either vale elbows him way from the stove when necessary or they order in and feed each other in bed like disgustingly in love people do.

I think they push the serious conversation off for as long as possible and just sort of live together for as long as they can get away with it. vale knows it’s probably early enough that he can still ride but he’s petrified of something happening to the baby so when they go to the ranch he just watches marc go wild by himself and shouts pointers at him that marc playfully does not listen to. marc is also feeling rather delicate about his health wrt being alive and well for his future baby so he’s playing it pretty safe out there too.

they’re basically having a babymoon phase of only seeing each other, fucking constantly, and lounging around. I have this awesome image of them watching a bunch of pregnancy movies and when they get to juno vale, under full influence of first trimester hormones, sobs through like half of it. marc is bewildered and amused and secretly really happy to be big and strong for vale who he has never seen before vulnerable and soft like this, even before everything. it’s domestic bliss until marc starts getting increasingly annoyed calls from ducati about preseason obligations and vale has also been fending off Uccio and the academy and a billion other people who don’t believe him when he says he’s not sick anymore and just needs some time—omg wait maybe 100km gets canceled, that would be crazy juicy—and the motogp community and media in general thinks vale is dying.

marc is like struggling bc he absolutely does not want to leave vale, in fact he never wants to be without vale ever again, but vale is spooked by the reminder of real world obligations and gets weird and cold. tries to push marc away and insist that he needs to go do his job (he is subconsciously testing marc; if you leave you FAIL) marc is having ptsd flashbacks to the last time he was in tavullia (hello ranch visit trauma) which involved. a lot of the same cold shoulder and manipulation tactics.

it’s a bad time for all! they get into a blowout screaming match where vale tries to kick marc out while literally clutching at his clothes, white knuckled, marc is sobbing and holding vale in a death grip whispering into his neck I won’t leave you please don’t make me go vale I can’t lose you again I promise I’ll do anything I need you both.

the insane “compromise” they end up with is (let’s say ducati make that skiing thing an annual trip) vale GOES WITH MARC to the event and stays with him in the hotel/cabin/whatever (even tho he literally has a house there) and they don’t even try to explain it to anyone in the team. pecco knocking on marc’s door the first morning so they can catch up over breakfast and vale answers, sleep rumpled, wearing one of marc’s tshirts and they both just stare at each other dumbfounded until marc returns from his shower and and smiles all fake at pecco like why are you just standing there weirdos :)) come sit and have an espresso, pecco I’m almost done getting dressed :))

vale calmly makes a nonverbal pecco an espresso and slaps marc’s ass when he bends over to rummage through the one giant luggage that they appear to be sharing. pecco is texting luca paragraphs under the table. it’s absolute fucking scenes when they have the big fancy team dinner with the long tables and marc shows up w vale as his plus one. and vale refuses a glass of champagne for the toast……..

[medium-sized-snack-portion]

I don't usually think about Fandom Vore but this one specific scenario is currently occupying too much brain space

So I've been thinking a lot about H.ades recently.

Hypothetically, let's say you're inside Z.agreus' belly. When he gets defeated, would you also melt into the puddle of blood along with him, or would you just lay there in a puddle of Zagrejuice on the floor with whatever ended that specific escape attempt looking down at you confused?

[byanyan]

i'm not saying that creating & writing & hyperfixating on byan has influenced me at all........ but i did pick up a new comforter for my bed today that's black on one side and a bright vibrant pink on the other

[kakusu-shipping]

Not counting Canon!Jackpot (because I OCed him to F/O) then it's probably and tie between these three?

My tiny Motherfuckers <3

In light of recent events please rb with your most “hear me out” fo!! I wanna see the most questionable fos yall have

I’ll start

[tossawary]

Every now and again, I'll come across some fanfiction in which an emotionally conflicted character will consult (usually kind of trashy) romance novels or in-universe fanfiction for advice or information. And it almost always snaps my suspension of disbelief.

If it's some terminally online teenage geek character or a hopeless romantic bookworm character? Sure! And, of course, there's great humor to be had in a sporty jock struggling with his queer awakening hesitantly picking up the bodice-ripper that his mum left on the coffee table. There ARE scenarios where "romance novels and fanfic as research" tracks just fine. I also understand the existence of the "I want to give this character I like the hobbies I like" / "I want to poke fun at this type / genre of fiction" aspect on the author's side.

But in any scenario with some normie adult man? Some straight, cisgender guy with normie dude hobbies and no evidence that he even CAN read, much less that he enjoys reading? Then it's a "not only would he not fucking do this, I honestly don't even believe he'd know this course of action exists" characterization situation.

Like, there are an astonishing number of people, especially dudes, who could not even name a romance novel to save their fucking life. No, not even a Jane Austen novel or "Twilight" or something. Their eyes glaze over that section of a bookstore. They are mentally filing that shit out to leave more room for sports or first-person-shooter video games or something. They have no respect for this type of fiction, if they're into reading fiction at all! They unconsciously or even explicitly believe that making eye contact with a bodice-ripper will permanently damage their masculinity, and they would flinch away from touching one like most people are scared of scorpions. They don't know aaaaanything about it! They have no concept of "the good stuff" versus "the bad stuff"; it's all soap operas and pornography to them, not a source of information.

And lots of people still don't even know that fanfiction is a thing. They go through life blissfully unaware of fandom wank. Or if they do know of fanfiction, it holds no appeal for them. Playing with other people's characters, or writing fictional stories about real people, is weirdo fanatic behavior to them! Not a source of information.

(And, to be clear, I'm not saying this tracks for all female characters. No, obviously, plenty of women don't like romance novels or fanfic. Plenty of women who do like those would never look at them as sources of information either, for a variety of very good reasons. It's just really funny when a story has the most normie bro guy to ever bro engage with this type of fiction.)

So, like, no, there are some characters whom I cannot be persuaded would ever read any of this stuff. (Speaking as a terminally online fanatic!) And honestly, there are plenty of more realistic and far funnier options for some normie dude character looking for love advice.

A) Friends and family. Or else colleagues and coworkers. It is almost always hilarious when a character goes up to someone else and says, "Hey, hypothetical scenario: [the stupidest shit you've heard in your life]. Any advice for that?" Also, you can have sincerely emotional conversations between friends! Or else good angst if the friend or family member reacts in a hostile manner or gives bad advice!

B) A magazine or chick flick movie. I can easily be persuaded that a normie dude would at least know these exist, or have one left at his house by an ex-girlfriend who made him watch it one time. Normie dudes are also more likely to consider these big publications more legitimate for advice than random romance novels or fanfic.

C) Some random advice column blog or non-fiction self-help book. Could be legitimately good advice for specific situations by a thoughtful professional, could be a money-grab scam written by a quack! How is some lovesick, emotionally dense guy supposed to tell by a book cover?

D) On that note: a relationship advice TikTok influencer or YouTuber or some random advice forum, probably Reddit or the like. The pros and the quacks are unhelpfully everywhere now! And possibly even have a live chat acting as their studio audience to make airing dirty laundry more toxic than ever. Potentially, you will find the kindest person alive with a terrible username willing to gently walk you through therapy, the online equivalent of meeting a figurative angel in a dive bar, but probably not. Bad advice is much more likely.

E) Doing no research, remaining uninformed, and blustering through the situation based on random pre-conceptions if anything. Honestly, I think some of these guys would just ignore the problem, even a potentially deadly problem, rather than touch a Harlequin romance novel, much less AO3 fanfiction. Sexism and internalized homophobia are a hell of a drug. It's just not happening.

I don't have a clean conclusion for this, it's just a funny thing that I've noticed every now and again. There ARE guys who like these types of fiction, of course! There ARE male characters who own an e-reader full of rom novels, sure, and don't give a shit what anyone else thinks. "This [normie male character who is both pretty offline and worries about appearing sufficiently masculine in a pretty toxic way] is reading a lot of romance novels and/or fanfiction as a form of research!" Yeah, no, that's really hard to pull off. If this guy is touching the internet at all, he's far more likely to make the most ridiculous Reddit post you've ever seen and then start belligerent fights in the comments.

[oh-no-its-bird]

Ok so hear me out: Kakashi being technically related to like half the clans of Konoha. HEAR ME OUT, OK.

So. Starting with Half Hatake Tobirama being the nephew to Kakashi's grandmother. Meaning Sakumo is a cousin to Hashirama and Tobirama, along w a cousin(?) to Tsunade. And THAT means Kakashi is Tobirama and Hashirama's cousin/nephew(?) + Tsunade's cousin

Then Tobirama adopts Kagami, making Kagami and Kakashi cousins.

And then Kagami is also Shisui's grandpa, which makes Kakashi and Shisui cousins. And Shisui is orphaned pretty young and then brought up by many of his clan members— including a young Mikoto. And when Itachi is born, Shisui is kind of claimed by him / the main house as a playmate/cousin for Itachi.

Making Kakashi an honorary cousin to Itachi (and Sasuke) through Shisui

And then Sakumo actually had Kakashi with an Inuzukan woman close to the main house, making Kakashi cousins with Kiba (which is just plain funny to me)

And then after Sakumo's death, Kakashi is practically adopted by Minato and Kushina, and while it's never official, he's basically an honorary Uzumaki / Namikaze. And, ofc, Naruto's big brother

You can make it even more complicated/funnier by getting into more cracky territory with like, step mom Orochimaru claiming Kakashi as an Orochi.

Or Hatake Jiriya being a direct blood uncle.

Or "moon magic mpreg Sakumo via Kaguya" au it and he's also an Otsutsuki, aka half brothers w the fucking biiju and the sage

Or "obkk ghost marriage/trading eyes means he's an uchiha now" type aus that have Kakashi fully claimed by the Uchiha clan instead of just related to them through multiple adoptions

Just. Kakashi being related to a ridiculous amount of clans.

(Tbh, realistically speaking, there's probably more than a few people who are related to a fuck ton of clans like that. There's only so many people in Konoha, after all. And so many clans too)

[laurellala-comics]

Ok, so we know that after Phoenix saw news articles about how Edgeworth had become a ruthless prosecutor but before Phoenix became a lawyer himself, he wrote letters to Edgeworth to try and get through to him and convince him that what he was doing was wrong. Do we think Edgeworth read the letters? Do we think he kept them? Realistically, I think he read the first one because he recognized Nick's name and was curious what he had to say, and then got angry and threw out all the subsequent letters without looking at them. But imagine if he had kept them, and after reuniting with Nick, went through them. I feel like that would be a good opportunity for drama.

I also wonder if Nick thinks Edgeworth read all his letters or not. Like if he said certain things in the letter and assumes Edgeworth knows them when they meet, it could lead to interesting miscommunication. Obviously you could do this in a ship context, but I think it'd be compelling from a friendship point of view as well. If Nick had emphasized how much respect he had for Edgeworth and how much he believes in his ability to do good in the world and how he cares deeply about helping Edgeworth realize that, and all Edgeworth does is tell him to go away and that he never wants to see him again, that that feels a lot more crushing if Nick thinks that Edgeworth read about him being vulnerable and honest and then just didn't care.

Honestly though, I feel like after not getting a response for awhile Nick would assume Edgeworth wasn't reading the letters and start getting pissy, and only continue to send the letters for the principle of the matter (Edgeworth will have to see the letter in his mailbox after all and be reminded of Nick's existence even if he doesn't read them). I could see him using the letters more as a way of shouting into the void about his feelings with no expectation of them being read. I imagine the first letter was a very mild and kind plea that Edgeworth remember his old friend and who he used to be, and then 10 letters later it's just one page with "bitch" written in big letters because Nick is So Done. In which case, it would actually be so much funnier if Edgeworth DID read all of them from the beginning. Maybe this is why he acted the way he did when Nick met him again.

[lucabyte]

How do you get your siffrins to look adult? I keep accidentally giving them a baby face but I WANT THEM TO LOOK GROWN AND EXHAUSTED LIKE HE DESERVES

okay so i legit think i fail at making siffrin look adequately adult like half the time but here's a general breakdown of my like. thought process when im actually um. thinking .

So first of all heres my general tips for proportioning a face, and how i attempt to keep the roundness of sif's in-game proportions while also like... drawing them more realistically? i had to practically reinvent a Human Style for drawing isat fanart since im a furry artist so a lot of this is fresh in my mind, luckily(?) for you i suppose.

This newness also means you can like, watch me fight and struggle against how the hell to do this in my earlier fanart. so feel free to try and see what changed as i pieced it together.

Another note is body proportion. You note giving him a baby face specifically, but some of it MIGHT be that you're drawing the head too big for your style? Try and figure out how many "heads tall" your figures are and tweak the numbers until you find what looks "adult"

Here I cracked open one of the comics I used CSP Model refrences for (albeit feat Loop, who i envision to be the exact same height as siffrin. i am NOT a tall loop truther i think its funnier when that bitch is five foot NOTHING!!!!!)

drawing sif with adult proportions can be deceptively difficult though on account of their Being A Tiny Motherfucker. Mostly here though, I find that the best way to do this is to drop like 1/3rd of the length of an average drawing figure's legs. Short people tend to have short legs. I know this on account of a lot of my ocs being 5'3" and below (... for... reasons...... unrelated to my own... height.... 100%.... ) so once again I think a lot of this can come down to trying to fiddle with numbers and noting down what works.

OKAY NOW ONTO SOME MORE SIFFRIN-SPECIFIC DRAWING TIPS. like these are what i find myself doing to make them look older if i accidentally baby face them myself

The above kind of chibi-er doodle style im still not sure has Siffrin looking adult enough for my liking (someone who considers them minimum 28) but considering they're presumably genuinely a deceptively baby faced guy at least by game's start (even if they should probably look. unhealthy.) it's like... forgivable.

the bald spot is basically fucking cheating in terms of "making them look older" lbr but i am so fucking insistent on it and i punch the air in celebration every time i see anyone else do it. winner is ME!!!!

Anyway. the body hair thing is funny considering we basically have Word Of God that siffrin is not the kind of person who ever likes being naked/even having their feet out in a casual setting. but like. hi its me the weird fucked up miserable nudity guy. of course im drawing every pockmark and texture on their body.

Another note here is, on their naked form, I avoid overly smooth lines for outlines of the limbs and torso. This avoids making them look "sexy twink thin" (not my bag at all) and instead gives the impression of loose skin from fluctuating weight, uneven fat distribution, skin becoming baggier with age. I also let joints jut out and look sharp wherever I can. This is because im an asexual pervert who likes the human form the mostest when i can see 'imperfections' This adds to the haggard nature of it all, by being reasonably honest about what the kind of persistent decade-long neglect of self care and implied malnutrition would do to a guy

Last note: eyes. i find i end up drawing a vague glassy black smear with a hint of white for the sclera for siffrin like. a Lot. Eyebags to show weariness is not my preferred method as I find it, to be rude, a bit of an overused shorthand. Plus, while sif in game does get eyebags, they're usually more on pushed expressions where they're forcing their face. So I put more emphasis on drawing the folds of the upper lid (which the game does not do) to make them look weary.

I dont think i can elaborate on my opinions on How To Draw Eyes without it becoming a way the fuck too long essay because "drawing emotions good" is like. my number 1 goal in every drawing so even if everything else is scuffed to hell I HAVE TOOO get the eyes right because theyre the most emotive part of the face. if i cant capture an emotion correctly the drawing isnt getting fucking finished is the thing, so....

Luckily for me, drawing over eyes and continously tweaking them by painting over and over and over and redoing them can have the side effect of making them look over-detailed and thus worn/tired/agonised. yes this is why i draw loop's face so scrunched all the time. All I can say for this though is to do a lot of studies of both real life faces & the most emotive cartoon faces you personally have experienced. So like. steven universe is great for this because rebecca sugar is so scary at drawing eyes. theyre so fucking scary at it. or sometimes i just go stare at rebecca's old comics because jesus christ. anyway.

??? but yeah hope this helps. its something i feel like i have a genuine hard time with too, especially since im so intent on keeping their face round & my artstyle is genuinely very cutesy even when i am being weird soo ...?

tl;dr:

draw the eyes smaller, give them a chin, the canon nose helps a lot & dont forget the bald spot. everyone draw the bald spot. for me.

[randomspagetti]

{The End/A Compilation on This Project}

Summary:

I don't really like the climax I came up with at the time so I'll be adding a new version here. So if It differs from the images that's why, I feel like I made the pages during a time where I just wanted to get the comic over with so it kinda feels generic and half baked.

-

Starting from our last point, with the words of encouragement from the Light of Resolution and the steel force will to get his dad back, Choco manages to land a powerful strike, surprising the ancients and phasing Berserk Cacao.

This leaves space for the ancients to also be able to help, Pure Vanilla gives both Choco and Holly buffs while Holly holds the line and protects them from incoming attacks. By doing so they're able to get closer. Finally, a combined attack is hit to where something finally seems to happen. It's powerful and cuts into the indoor wall of the citadel. The smoke dissipates and all that is left is just Cacao.

They're all pretty suprised, but Cacao still has some lingering curse corruption on his body and his breathing is shallow. Hearing the loud crashes from the room the watchers (and Caramel) run in to see the ... interesting situation that had unfolded.

We then cut to Cacao sitting in a hospital room, he had woken up a bit earlier and is trying somewhat to recall the events of the previous day.

Holly and PV soon walk in with mugs, not expecting him to be up. They're caught off guard but soon calm down and get to chatting. Cacao finally admits he's not really doing all so well with both his kingdom and his son over the course of the conversation.

He also sort of opens up about more sensitive issues he's been through, thought he doesn't hold that topic for long given it's just too much for him at the moment. Holly understands where he's coming from and offers some words of encouragement, while PV tells him they're going to look into something for the curse and to actually help Cacao mentally.

Cacao reluctantly agrees.

It ends a bit more open ended with your own interpretation of how Cacao deals with his issues being set, though there would be a few aftermath pages exploring the relationship with the characters shown after the events of the story, this one for example is Cacao and Choco doing pottery painting.

------------------------------------------------------------

Some interesting facts, and stuff I made that didn't make it into the final cut:

-In my discord server berserk Cacao was often referred to as "The enemy spider"

-I often used their hands (so many hand drawings) as a way to show more of their character, Holly has hand scars while PV has a redness around his nails from stress. I like to add a human aspect to each of them so the reader can relate

-Berserk Cacao has had so many iterations before the final one, I just couldn't decide what I wanted him to look like!

-Each character has a different way of showing their thoughts/flashbacks! Caramels are more center focused given her only thought in that flashback was of the loud crash, Choco's are blurry given his eyesight, and Cacao has flashbacks and thinks in grayscale! You can actually notice this more during the dinner scene, this has it's own reasoning but it's bit more darker

-Most of the sketches were 10x more funnier than the finished project but I had to make it realistic

-Affogato was originally going to make it into the comic as a background character, but I felt it was too OOC for him given his devious crimes

Onto the darker stuff-

TW: Implied Abuse, Blood

-Everyone knows about the cut panels but there was actually an entire page scrapped too, originally this would follow along with the Light of Resolution convo (I will now refer to it as the LOR) but I scrapped it for a few reasons.

-Firstly I felt like it didn't add anything and only just re-established something the reader already well knew from both Holly and Cacaos statements, secondly I just felt like it was OOC for how I wrote the LOR. The LOR is in part Cacao. He is Cacao's resolution made physical. This would be his story to tell because he is a part of Cacao. It is Cacao in a way. I also felt revealing his face felt kinda eh and just didn't fit. So for those reasons I chopped it

-Cacao's curse wound was actually bleeding in this scene, though it's a bit hard to see with the shaders

That's all! Thank you everyone for being on this journey with me, I appreciate each and every one of you, you truly helped me expand my art horizons

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Is it just me, or does miraculous seemingly exist in this weird in-between where it's trying to be a standard superhero story and a deconstruction of superhero stories at the same time?

I don't know. All your trappings for a classic Superman run are there: goofy costumes, secret identities, villainous monologues, stories about friendship and teamwork and saving the city from knights and mimes and all other sorts...

But then it's like, randomly, it'll decide to pull elements from Watchmen or Worm instead. Chat Blanc and Recreation stand out as especially egregious on this front. A broken world destroyed by a monstrous hero? Ladybug standing back as the villain wins, keeping his secret to protect the fragile new order? These are famous plot beats from stories where morality goes to die, and I just can't fathom why they're showing up in a kids cartoon, of all places.

It's not just you. Miraculous has a lot of really weird elements for a standard superhero show, but before we get into that, let's quickly define what we mean by deconstruction for the folks who don't know that term (source):

"Deconstruction" literally means "to take something apart". When applied to tropes or other aspects of fiction, deconstruction means to take apart a trope in a way that exposes its inherent contradictions, often by exploring the difference between how the trope appears in this one work and how it compares to other relevant tropes or ideas both in fiction and real life. ...Note that while deconstructions often end up darker, edgier, sadder, and more cynical than the normal version, there is no reason they have to be. While the deconstruction process can reveal things we weren't thinking about for a reason — a major contributing factor in why it tends to be depressing — deconstructions are free to exist anywhere on the sliding scale of idealism versus cynicism.

As an example, Disney's Frozen deconstructions the idea of romantic love being the most powerful thing by having True Love's Kiss be a platonic kiss between sisters and not a romantic kiss between the leading lady and her love interest even though Ana still gets a love interest that she barely knows, but let's not get into that here. Just know that I don't like Frozen. I'm only using it as an example because it's obnoxiously popular and aimed at kids which is important because it shows us that you can have good deconstruction in media aimed at families and children. The message that your sister's love is just as powerful as your boyfriend's is a good one for kids to internalize. It's also one that you can understand without knowing the genre. Frozen might be funnier and more satisfying for those of us who know the classic fairytale standard of True Love's Kiss, but you don't need to know that standard to enjoy the film and walk away feeling like it had a good message.

This is Miraculous' problem.

Miraculous is not playing with genre conventions in a way that lets you enjoy the story even if you don't know the genre conventions. It is doing dark and edgy deconstruction that requires you to know the classic way things play out so that you might want to see something different. In Frozen, True Love still wins, it just takes a different form. In Miraculous, True Love fails.

Is it more realistic for an abused teenage boy to be overwhelmed and lose all hope because of the reveal that his abusive father is the supervillain and his mother's body is hiding in the basement? Yes. Is it a better message for kids who relate to Adrien?

No. Seeing Adrien give into dispare is not empowering to the people who relate to him.

That's why I don't like Chat Blanc and Ephemeral and the season five final. They may be realistic, but episodic superhero shows for five-year-olds aren't the place for that kind of genre-desconstructuon-based realism. Kids shows are fundamentally incompatible with this type of deconstruction because this type of deconstructions only work if the audience understands the tropes and other genre conventions that the story is playing with. The first hero media you watch should not be a deconstruction of the genre that dismisses the idea of love and friendship conquering all. Little kids don't have the framework to get what's going on. They're not looking at Chat Blanc and viewing this as some interesting and realistic take on the standard genre conventions. They just see Adrien killing Marinette and what's the lesson of that?

Even from a deconstruction point of view these episodes were dumb because the story isn't saying something interesting about victims of abuse and the support they need since the story doesn't go on to give Adrien support. As I've mentioned before, if Chat Blanc's moral was ultimately that Adrien needed to know the truth before the final fight, then I could see it having value even though I think that's too complex for the target audience. That's not the moral, though. The moral is apparently that Adrien needs to be coddled and kept in the dark which I am never going to agree with.

[kanguin]

Apropos of nothing, here's my top 15 anime and whether the story would be improved if you made the main character a trans girl:

1. That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime - You can't transition Rimuru in a way that matters, but honestly if Rimuru did start to ID as a woman over time, that would be cool. Unlikely though considering his human form is the body of Shizu, so a fully fem form would feel pervy to Rimuru.

2. Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood - Well it'd certainly make the title funny if you made Edward into Edwina. And it'd make Ed/Winry into yuri. But honestly it'd change very little imho. Though it would be interesting to explore transition in a world where alchemy exists, but just in a different story. Might make for a fascinating post-canon fanfic?

3. Mushoku Tensei: Jobless Reincarnation - Oh god would it. The story is already focused on exploring identity and already has dysphoria when a god he talks to forces him into his pre-reincarnation body on the astral plane. Making Rudy into a polyamorous trans lesbian would literally be peak and elevate the story so much.

4. Kaguya-sama: Love is War - You know what? Yeah. I can vibe with making Miyuki Shirogane trans. It would add another layer of intrigue to the story AND make it gay. It could even be funny if Kaguya or Chica found out before Shirogane did. Wait. No. It would be hilarious if YU ISHIGAMI found out first, and just, assumed Miyuki was closeted, and not just, clueless. Yes this could add so much entertainment value.

5. Dungeon Meshi - Lord almighty get this autistic furry a choker and some estrogen, stat. I make it no secret how I feel about the Trans Touden Sisters interpretation.

6. Dandadan - Make Okarun and Jiji trans girls and make the main cast a messy polycule and sign me the FUCK up please! It would be so funny and so much fun. I NEED this version of Dandadan. It'd be even funnier considering how much is focused around Ken's junk and him being partially possessed by an old lady.

7. Overlord - NGL I'm not even sure anything would change if you made Momonga into a trans woman. She'd act the exact same, and so would everyone else. Interesting for sure, but fruitless, ultimately.

8. My Dressup Darling - Crack? Crack cocaine? Do you realize how amazing it would be to make this into a story about a gyaru girl pulling a closeted trans girl excitably out of the closet?! This would make this so much cuter than it already is, I think I'd EXPLODE.

9. How a Realist Hero Rebuilt the Kingdom - It wouldn't change much narratively, but the world could always use more stories with polyamorous trans lesbians as the protagonist.

10. The Faraway Paladin - Wouldn't change much honestly, but it would be cool. Tbh Season 2 Will looks like a stealth/closeted trans girly already.

11. Mob Psycho 100 - Again wouldn't change much but would be fun. Put Mob on estrogen and watch her transform from anxiety autism failboy to anxiety autism failgirl. And then still be the kindest person in any room.

... Okay though, on second thought, getting to see her go ???% on a transphobe would be cool as shit.

12. One Punch Man - another no change case. One Punch Woman. She has boobs now. She probably transitioned in like a day somehow.

13. My Hero Academia - I think putting Midoriya on estrogen would fix the show actually. Maybe also put the writer on estrogen just to be sure. (joke)

14. Kill la Kill - Making Ryuko Matoi a trans girl would actually be really cool, especially with her challenging establishment, with the themes of clothes being a restrictive aspect of society, and with her gay romance with Mako. I've seen so many trans girls on Tumblr with Ryuko's exact shameless, confident personality, I just know it'd be epic.

15. Cautious Hero: The Hero is Overpowered but Overly Cautious - It would change little about how Seiya acts, but realizing she's trans would definitely give Ristarte's bisexual ass a nosebleed. Though Seiya would probably be ultra mega hyper closeted behind numerous mystic barriers, so that'd be fun to explore.

[mochinomnoms]

I'm not sure if this counts as a request for 'Shrimpy Chronicles', but do you have any headcanons regarding Coral and Pearl or the triplets (Poppy, Moss, Lumiro) as grown ups/teens? I can only imagine how some of them might be troublemakers like their Dad(s)

Bonus if Shrimp Yuu is wailing because her babies are growing up like: "Why would you leave me!?"

See I think it would be funnier if one of the Dads was wailing, the obvious answer would be Azul but like Floyd wailing and wrapping himself and his tail around his kiddos is a way funnier image to me.

I have a few ideas for the kids, part of me wants to make them just like Jade and Floyd, but realistically they wouldn't be the exact type of menaces their fathers were.

As teens, both of them are relatively straight forward and socialites. Compared to the (adult) twins, they're not fairly intimidating, so they're very easy to approach or be approached by. This is partially because they appear a lot more human thanks to Shrimpy Yuu's genetics. But it's also because the Leech family is lowkey training them for a...different part of the family business, one that requires them to be charismatic and to blend in with the crowd.

Unfortunately, that last one is a bit hard as, despite them being rather sociable, are also quick to gossip and even start fights if it entertains them. Coral especially likes to whisper into other's ears and make little 'suggestions' to people, rile them up so to speak, and watches in glee as she and Pearl bet on who will win the fight she causes. Pearl is just very curious (or impulsive), so she tends to get into all sorts of situations just to see what will happen if she touches that big red button that says 'DO NOT TOUCH'. Anything that happens after is totally not her fault! They shouldn't have made that button soooooo touchable!

Unlike Jade and Floyd, who enjoy personal space and doing their own thing (and even often fought as kids for annoying each other), Coral and Pearl are attached at the hip. If one likes one hobby, the other will find herself doing a similar, if not the same hobby just to hang around her. It's quite funny to see growing up, as neither particularly realizes it when one picks up drawing, the other does painting. One starts baking, the other starts cooking.

The funniest is when both try to do the same thing, but in each other's space. Once, Pearl took up reading horror novels and Coral started hovering over her shoulder to see what her sister was up to. After about 10 minutes, Coral as completely splayed over the top of the chair, cheek pressed against Pearl's as they both read the book together. They're very fond of each other, though they have their squabbles (usually over food, they both are gluttons).

The triplets I haven't thoughts as much about so I don't have much to share about them...ask again later lol

[bryverros]

yeah or it could just start falling off like a hot potato each time after the baby is developed and starts developing a newer child

humans should start reproducing by fragmentation. like whoopps your dick fell off now its gonna grow into a baby congrats

[phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess]

Alastor Shuts Down the Airwaves to Shut Vox Up

Alastor completely shuts down the Airwaves in Hell to prevent Vox from airing his defeat at Adam's hands, the shutdown accidentally affects Heaven, Earth and the other Rings and everything that runs on them.

The only way to restore it that Alastor will agree too, is if Vox deletes all the footage and never mentions it ever again via a binding deal.

Unfortunately for a exasperated Charlie (who has no idea why they're beefing, yet) both Overlord's are giving Lucifer a run for his money in the Pride department.

Lucifer and the Sins are trying to figure out how Alastor twisted the airwaves to his control to the point neither he, the Sins or the Seraphim in Heaven can undo it without asking Alastor directly.

Alastor making a deal with Roo for his absolute got-tier power and control over the airwaves, a separate unconnected fully fulfilled deal compared to his current one with Lilith. Roo didn't expect Alastor to Jailbreak his powers to this extent, she's watching through Hell's eyes with popcorn. She's watching Earth too because Alastor did basically send it back to the radio age technologically, so much entertaining drama!

I've always loved the headcanon that Alastor's radiowaves are the only reason Vox can do what he does. Not sure if him knowing that first, or discovering it when Alastor pulls the metaphorical rug out from under him, is funnier.

"How the FUCK are you doing this?"

"I'm the RADIO DEMON, what do you think that means, your Lowness?"

"Oh f-... you know what? No, I'm not rising to the bait this time."

"Well of course not, you don't have a step ladder."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME SINNER????"

"Dad, deep breaths remember?"

"Oh we're WELL beyond mindfulness Sweetie, I'm wondering if smiting the fucking deer will get our airwaves back!"

Alastor looked thoughtful, but not overtly worried about the threat to his life. "Possible... I've never tried to take control of the airwaves like this before being killed, so honestly I can't imagine the outcome. It's also possible that I could take the airwaves WITH me."

"...well, that's not great. I could always reforge them, if it does go down with the prick, I guess..."

"No, nope, noooooooooo, no killing or smiting or anything. Not in my hotel, not to my staff, and not to my friends."

"I can find you ten nicer overlords at," Lucifer can't hold back the scoff, "'sovereign level', the cute little things think themselves so powerful and what are they? You could kill them with a single hand if you got bored..."

"Oh? Then why didn't our darling Charlotte rip Valentino in half for licking her arm, or more realistically, what he's done to Angel and his other thralls all these years?"

"Who. is. Val?"

"But Al, if I used my powers against him then I lose the chance to help him change..." the King was incandescent with rage.

But Alastor had shadowed behind her, his sharp claws resting gently on n her shoulders in a show of familiarity that heralded he was about to say something that upended her psychological wellbeing for good.

"Hmmm, or if you look at it from another angle... every day he continues to breathe, he is forcing people into acts they do not consent to, beating them without mercy for any sign of defiance, and you have the power to remove that threat. But your own heart stops you... what weight can you place on your own feelings, your own potential guilt, against the perpetual suffering of his thralls?"

"I-... I um... I didn't think about it like that... oh fuck, it's my fault I left Angel with him after pissing him off!"

"Yes... and no." Alastor's eyes haze slightly, as if he's seeing something beyond the room, it's gone in an instant. "Let me tell you something that you may not have seen, given your swaddled upbringing... when someone is in a terrible place, under the hand or heel or chain of someone more dangerous, more powerful, they tend to try their best to shield others. Did not Angel immediately attempt to force you out, which you took as capitulation to Valentino's requests... but in fact kept you safe from anything he, or his smoke, may have done?"

Charlie was starting to shake with horror. "You're right... if I hadn't been so... then he wouldn't have..."

"And what did we learn from the experience?"

"To... try a different approach? Maybe next time I can make an appointment to talk to Valentino and-..."

"Wrong." An audience booed at Charlie, and she gets the distinct impression he was aborting the desire to bonk her on the head with his microphone. "Firstly, no matter how powerful you are my dear you will not be going within 100 feet of either Valentino or Vox without someone else with you... they have ways of taking control of people, and I don't want to imagine what they'd do to you under the circumstances. Exploiting your power would be the iccing on the cake... but the moth is... vile. Your father would tear this realm apart if he saw what the moth would make you do."

Alastor swanned around to face Charlie head on, ignoring the simmering angel in the corner, who seemed to be panicking at this new implication. The floor was melting under his hovering feet.

"Secondly, the moth values control. You are a stronger person coming to 'ask' when he knows you can take... and even if you were not the Princess, you are still someone attempting to remove his toy. No matter how nicely you asked or approached the topic... he would take out his anger and feelings of inadequacy on Angel. And if not Angel, one of the dozens upon dozens of sinners under him... literally, I understand, based on some of the things Angel and his cohort have said."

"Then how do I-...?"

"You kill him. You pull his flesh from his bones until his nerves are raw to the air and exposed long enough for you to set him alight, or start carving meat off with an angelic blade, or... something to remind the moth that this is hell, and he has transgressed far beyond what is acceptable. Especially towards you, and those you care for."

"I can't..."

"Then you will delegate the task to someone who can. I believe Vagatha, Husker and I are more suited to such actions..."

"Is that what this whole overlord tantrum is about? Wanting to manipulate MY DAUGHTER into letting you kill another overlord? Can't you just do that on your own time?"

A whump-whomp noise plays, Alastor snaps his head 180 degrees to face the king. "I promise you, I need no permission to tear him limb from limb... but there will be consequences for the hotel, for hell in general, should the Vees be annihilated from the face of the place. And it would be at least two of them, Vox and the moth are together, he would not allow this to go unchallenged."

Lucifer snorts in disbelief. "The tv? Isn't he the guy refusing to do something for you and that's what set this whole pissbaby fight off? Can you sinners just get your shit together and stop this nonsense already. Some of us have actually important things to do outside of mediate your spats."

"Says the out of touch monarch who hasn't stepped a foot outside his palace in decades... who has no idea how twisted things have become. Tell me, are you certain that the moth's pheromones, or the television's hypnosis would glance off you? Off the sins or goetia? Can you be certain that even if you are immune, those beneath you haven't been secretly primed by subconscious compulsions to slide an angelic dagger between your ribs, or crush some into your meals?"

"I-... what? No one's that powerful."

"Actually dad... even I know that Vox has the power to make people do things against their will. All he needs to do it is to catch you looking at a screen, a tv, your phone, a tablet... I've seen entire crowds of sinners caught by some of the animated billboards." Charlie interjects, looking sickened, as if she's just coming to terms with the reality of it herself.

"Look outside little Majesty... right now they are neutralised, but I want you to really SEE how much of Hell is covered from end to end with technology, with screens, with animated advertisements and spy cameras... do you know how easily Vox can ensnare half the population simply by flashing his eye in their peripheral?"

"...that's not-..."

"Oh but it is, more's the pity. Not to mention the moth's pheromonic controls, his exhaled smoke can dull the senses and make people susceptible to control. And his spittle... well, it has aphrodesiac properties alongside a removal of will, thought and consent. That's how he gets the majority of his contracts, he need only put a drop in a drink or on foodstuffs... I believe he once bragged that he had merely put some on a bracelet he gave a favoured potential thrall, and once absorbed into the skin... he had them. Quite literally too, based on his vulgar discussions."

There's a pause.

"Do you understand, now, the scale of power they have amassed?" Alastor tilts his head, ever the showman. "Ah, but I forget the powerhouse here... I will admit to being less familiar with her abilities, as she operates on the little phones and internet webbing... but from observations and Rosie's networks, I believe that Miss Velvette's capabilities are a power called Influence.

Which has been explained as using something called clickbait, social media and persistent bombardment of her ideas threaded with her own power of suggestion, to take control of minds and beliefs. I am not certain if she can mobilise thralls agaisnt people like Vox and Valentino, but it seems her influence is pervasive... so it's likely."

"She can... Vaggie said that's why people are frantic to sell themslves to her to buy new tacky products and fashion. And how she can flip the public's opinion against someone so quickly. They don't have to think anymore." Charlie shudders, holding herself at the idea of being puppeted by someone else. To not be herself anymore was terrifying. "Angel confirmed it too, said he's seen her do it... her models don't stop eating by themselves, she burrows into their heads somehow and turns off the hunger until they die of starvation, so they'll fit her clothes. Which is awful!"

"Exactly, my dear! The three of them have devastatingly concerning powers on their own, but as a trio this puts us all in quite the predicament around how to manage them without placing greater Pride and possibly other rings, in peril. Don't get me wrong, that would be hilarious to observe... but it wouldn't serve your little dream of redeeming sinners, would it? If you had to kill off potentials because they'd been sent as ineffective brainwashed spies? And the spin that picture box could put on it..."

"You're right. How are we supposed to fight against that sort of clout? They control the media, and... wait, does the broadcast go out to other rings? Could he control the hellborn?"

"No, he shouldn't be able to. They're warded against that sort of thing, I put it in their coding... or whatever it is they have." Lucifer jumps in, frowning. "But... I mean, if they're constantly using the devices or watching television, I suppose it could build up over time... then, maybe. I don't like that."

"Starting to see the predicament, now, hmmm? Quite a problem. Easily solved if we kill them, or subjugate them under the right contract... but it would need to be held by someone who has the willpower to maintain absolute control... or someone who cannot be touched by their powers." His eyes slide to Charlotte, and then to the King. "Which of you wants this burden? There's no room for nicities here... and I assume dear Charlotte would be against me shredding their souls across the airwaves to dispel their threat once and for all?"

"That's horrible! Please don't do that, I could try to redee-..."

"No."

"What? It's my hotel, I can-..."

"I said no, my dear, and I would personally murder them if they came to stay here. Do bandage your bleeding heart a moment and THINK properly. Who would benefit most from your safe, protective, heaven-focused ideals and program? Perhaps those who have suffered under the Vees...? Would they stay here knowin you were offering such kindness to the moth? the Doll? the television? No. They would call you delucsional and crawl back into Hell to find a new safe place... likely even worse than the ones they left."

"No, I could... I could make a second hotel!"

"No."

"Hey, this is MY hotel and yes we're jointly doing this, but my say is FINAL!"

"Ah, where was this fire when Valentino showed you his cruelty? Where was the command when Susan challenged you? Does it only come out when you feel a loss of control? When you need to be defensive? Hmm.... could the thralls of the Vees feel the same, when shown you would wetnurse the very snakes who harmed them?"

"I-... I didn't mean to snap at you. You're right, and I hate that you're right... but maybe some people don't deserve forgiveness. They have to earn it on their own."

"That's the spirit!"

"Again, bellhop, is this whole...' Lucifer waves a hand at everything. "...a ploy to force Char Char into agreeing to kill these Wees? Because while I can see the necessity, now that I've heard your petition about this..." he tried to conceal his delight at the deer's spluttered indignation at the idea he had petitioned the throne for aid, "this whole ridiculous mess is attracting heaven's attention and we're royally screwed if they start poking about. Can you please just turn the airwaves back on for anyone BUT the Hees?"

"This was unrelated, actually, for the record. I was reminding Vox of his place, and that the pretty little throne he's made himself is tenuous at best... and easily torn down. I made a reasonable request, which he denied." Alastor shrugged. "Let's imagine that he's had time to soothe his hurt feelings and may be open to negotiation... I'm also inclined to simply kill him."

"But Rosie said you two were friends, why would y-... oh, I wasn't supposed to tell you that she told me that." Charlie deflates slightly as radio dials are aimed right at her. Not afraid, but feeling like she's stepped on a landmine of a topic and not sure how to escape.

"Perhaps we were. Which is why he continues to breathe despite his flagrant betrayals and petty squabbling... why his obsessive stalking has not resulted in his entrails being spread across Pride like Sinsmas decorations. But tolerance can only go so far. Especially if his actions jeopardise everything happening here."

"What does he have on you? Sex tape? Drunken karaoke video? A defeat...?" Lucifer noted the disgust at the first suggestion, the hint of amusement at the second, and the sharp narrowing of eyes at the third. "A defeat, then. Aren't you one of the more powerful overlordlings? Why not just take another swing at the person and set the record straight?"

"Regrettably, they're already double-dead and that rather ruins the novelty."

Charlie, unfortunately, is extremely clever and puts it all together. Her gasp so intense it felt like she removed the entire supply of oxygen from the room. "Was it against Adam? Was that the defeat? But how did he-... I didn't see Vox anywhere on the field?"

"Drones. The picture box has always tried to get others to fight his battles, or at the least, watch them... I believe Angel refers to his obsession as a... 'voyeurism fetish'. I know what the words mean individually but refuse to acknowledge them collectively."

"Pfft, I thought humans had moved away from that prudish nonsense decades ago..." Lucifer snarks back. "And more importantly, YOU faced ADAM? Hah! Got your ass kicked huh? Mr Overconfident?"

"Actually, it was going fantastically until he remembered that damned guitar thing of his. I suspect Adam has never had to actually fight someone who hit back in his entire afterlife. Sloppy."

"Says that guy Adam annihilated... your ancient ass got wrecked by the dick master huh?"

"Please... never refer to it in that manner again." Around the ever present grin, Alastor was clearly scowling in distaste.

Lucifer blinked, and blanched. "Oh... yeah no, I heard it that time. No. That's just... ew."

"Ah, poetry."

Charlie is in front of Alastor now, and he's not sure when that happened. Her hands fist his lapels and ask the taller demon to hinge as she gets into his face.

"YOU. SHOULD. HAVE. SAID. SOMETHING!" she snarls, and her clenched fists are trembling almost as hard as her bottom lip. "I thought you DIED and then we had to keep FIGHTING and you didn't come back for AGES and I thought-... I thought-..."

Alastor's shadow detangles the fingers from fabric, gently and with more care than one would assume. "Clearly, not strongly enough to act on it. For I returned to a room, and not a memorial..."

"Well... well Husk and Niffty said they could feel their connection to you get a bit thin but it was still there so I thought..." A thought strikes, and those devastatingly wet puppy dog eyes turn their full effect on the bewildered cannibal deer. "...did you think we didn't care, because I didn't make you your own memorial?"

Well, he hadn't been aware of harbouring that little grievance before, but NOW... now Alastor realised that was where the weighty agitated feeling in his chest was coming from.

"I'm so sorry Al, if I'd known I would have-... I don't know... I know you dislike having your photo taken or videos, so maybe not a statue but I could have found a way... maybe a record player that had some of your best shows on it? I'm not sure... I'm really sorry you felt ignored, though."

"Sweetie, please calm down, the idiot's alive so it's pointless to even discuss this." Lucifer responded to her distress automatically, pulling her into his arms and not so subtly away from the deer. "And it's not like he actually sacrificed anything anyway, not like Sir Pissyapants or Dazzle... they actually died fighting. He just, what... ran when things got hard?"

"Fuck you."

"You couldn't afford it, even if I was interested, Bambi."

There's a record scratch. "Wait, what?" The bafflement was palpable.

Hah. Lucifer decided to take mental note that sexual innenuendo seemed to flummox the sinner, so he was definitely using that in future verbal sparring.

"Dad, please... he might have been hurt." She turns back to Alastor, oblivious to Lucifer's displeasure at her lost attention. "Are you? Hurt, I mean. I've seen you fight, and there's not a lot that would make you back down. It would have to have been bad to-..."

"Nonsense, I'm perfectly fine."

"Oh? So if I go get box and ask him to show us the video you're holding all of hell and heaven hostage over, then I won't see you get folded like a lawn chair by the idiot of eden? Hmmm?" Lucifer shot back, feeling the moment the barb sunk in deep. Alastor flinched. Actually flinched in response.

"I-..."

"Yeah? Shall I call him or are you going to tell us what happened?"

You could hear his teeth grinding against one another. "Fine."

"Well?"

"The weapon... it broke my microphone, and-..."

"Hah, so you're saying all your cute little tricks are because of your little toy? How did someone like you reach the pinnacle of the heap, you meek little fawn?"

"I can see why they cast you out of heaven, if you were this fucking irritating and self righteous up there!"

"Okay that's it, I'm ripping your face off and using it to feed Keekee, sinner!"

"NOPE! NO! ENOUGH, both of you! It's like babysitting two goetia hatchlings coming into their powers... just, ENOUGH already!" Charlie shouts, horns flaring. "Alastor, that was an awful thing to say to my dad, we don't talk about the Fall... if you do it again, I'll respond by ensuring you have to run the next five weeks of mindfulness pilates classes. And Angel will have a front row seat."

She whirls on Lucifer, "And you, Dad, need to stop trying to compete over everything! Alastor was actually opening up about something he was clearly feeling vulnerable about and you just mocked him! To his face! We don't do that here, at my hotel. So ZIP IT!"

"I wouldn't say vulnerable..." Alastor growled, shadows climbing the walls.

"Oh, so you're not doing a little threat display to protect yourself from having a feeling then?" Lucifer deadpanned back. Gotcha.

"Alastor, I know Dad cut you off before, but would you be open to telling me what happened?"

"I've told you, he broke my microphone with his weapon, which has implications the breadth of which even I am uncertain about. Between the flash of the weapon and the sharp feedback surge of my additional power returning at speed to me... I didn't notice he'd swung again."

"Your microphone was a... battery? Like, you put extra power in it for emergencies?"

"Somewhat... it also helped to regulate the amount I used against opponents, mostly. But yes, if there was a time I had my power drained completely, there was enough in the microphone to supplement a base level of ability... perhaps teleport up to five or six people across a short distance, as needed."

Charlie, eyes wide and wet, chose not to comment on this clearly subconscious admission of some vague level of care towards the others in the hotel. Although, she suspected KeeKee was more likely to be removed to safety over, say, her Dad... but he was nigh indestructable, so presumably the king could save himself.

"I think... I think Mum and Dad had me do something similar when I was little and coming into my powers. I had a special tiara thing that I would have to put excess energy into each day and... I don't think I ever took it back. But if it was to break..." she shuddered, that would certainly sting having all that pure power slam back into her without warning.

"Indeed."

"Well come on, deer, don't leave us in suspense... I hate cliffhangers, so get on with it. Adam broke your foci thing, and then swung at you again. Then what?" Lucifer taunted, dispassionately.

"Well, understandably, it hit and threw me back across the roof. My shadow half decided to force teleportation before the final blow came down. Nothing exactly exciting, but it would put a very large target on the hotel if Vox showed that footage... as I have claimed it as mine, and under my protection. Someone would come to test my capabilities, or take someone hostage, or try to wrest my power for themselves... you know how it is."

"Then just toss him out, Char Char, if it comes to that. And YOU, need to give back the airwaves, we need that to communicate between Rings AND with Heaven."

"No. Not until Vox capitulates, is killed or brought to heel under the contract of a powerful party."

"Stop it, you're falling into a dysregulation cycle again..."

"I don't believe that's the right term. Your lesson plan for next week's classes listed it as a conflict cycle... you may wish to ensure the correct terminology or you will be challenged by guests." Alastor jumped in primly, anything to derail this excruciating conversation.

"Of course, thank you for your feedback... wait, you read the whole planner? Tell me tell me tell me what did you thiiiiiiink?" This level of enthusiasm should, ideally, be illegal.

"A shade more insightful and therapeutically minded than your previous attempts. Not that the trust falls and group hugs weren't hilariously ineffective... but I get the impression that you seem to finally understand that sinners are more complex than your initial ideas believed. Have you received guidance from an actual psychologist? There must be at least one down here, certainly Freud has to be here somewhere... there are wanted posters all over the place for his head... well, either of them, really."

"HAH, no, he's in Sloth because Belphagor called dibs on punishing him for the damage he did to psychology!" Lucifer bursts out, unable to hold that back. "Not to mention the idiot who came up with phrenology, you don't want to know what she's done to him..."

"Intriguing. Do the Sins normally have a chance to call 'dibs' on certain souls?"

"No, not really... but medicine and wellbeing were things she created before she fell, and Bel... hoo-boy, was PISSED to find out about that pair. She did some hilarious stuff to the guys who ran the concentration camps and thers who did horrific experiments on the helpless... and a bunch of other fucked up former humans. Upside of you all being eternally reforming, she can get really ironic."

"I would have thought the sin of greed would reward souls, like that orange fellow everyone is waiting to get their hands on?"

"Mam would HATE having someone like that Trump guy in his Ring, he likes to have all the cash and all the adulation. But he'll torture the guy fantastically, he's had dibs over poor Ozzie for ages... but I'll work out a schedule so Lust gets a chance to teach the creeper consent..."

Lucifer blinks. "Why am I telling you this? None of your business, Bambi... kind of surprised Satan didn't make a ploy for you, or maybe even Beez, she loves her cannibals and bettes."

Those eyes flicker red. "Huh... serial killer, then? Yeah, that fits. Hmm... interesting choice of victims, I get why they had to go but you enjoyed their removal a tad too much. Ate them up too, huh? Oh, Depression era, of course."

"Stop that!" Alastor snarled, feeling far too exposed and unsure how to begin covering yourself from the cosmic gaze of a being reading your soul.

"Dad, this really is a violeation of our privacy and consent rules at the hotel."

"Now, now Sweetie... even you can do this if you choose. It might help you figure out where your souls got broken, in life, how to help. No wonder you're so against those using domestic violence, little fawn, but... still, was murder the only option there? Oh simmer down, I'm kidding. You've been on both sides of the violence, and now you're a big scary overlord who kills off any others who get too dangerous or unhinged. A very fucked up moral compass in here."

"One could say the same for you, little King."

"Oho, short jokes still? Cute. But you know what else I can see? That little love tap you've sewn shut on your torso... it's calling out to me, and anyone with even a trace of Heavenly blood in them. Best hope Vaggie doesn't want to be the next top overlord. I can also see traces of the deal you have with my wife. Tell me... how's Lily doing these days?"

"...I would hazard to guess things aren't going as well as planned, given Adam is dead."

"Oh, and why's that, bellhop?"

"Because her deal with the first buffoon was the only thing granting her entry to Heaven... and now, I assume, it falls into the hands of that little sociopath that targeted our dear Vagatha. She doesn't seem the rational type to simply... let bygones be bygones."

The porcelain pair go paler still.

"Mum's... alive? In Heaven?"

"That little exorcist can't possibly hurt her, they're too far apart in power..."

"Oh? And angelic steel wouldn't hurt you, your Majesty, if it was slid between your ribs? It might not kill you, but there are other things in the clouds that could... flaming swords? Beams of pure holy light or whatever it was Adam was slinging about so willy-nilly?"

"...yes, yes that's up there. How do we get her out? Why did she go up there to start with?" Lucifer is panting, air feeling sluggish and hard to hold onto.

"An... exchange. A promise. No more rebellion, no harm to Charlie. There were other clauses I was not made aware of... but she is her own hostage and assurance."

"Is that why you came here?" Charlie asks. "Did you come here because of something mum said or did?"

"...perhaps. Her powers and abilities cannot breach the two realms, but she can extend protection through those..."

"On her chain?" Lucifer interjects. "And what do you get out of her owning your soul, bambi? Was it Lily who helped you monopolise the airways?"

"Hah, no! I could already do that. She merely stepped in during a rather difficult disagreement with someone else, several someones in fact, and dispelled the situation. Her magic bolstered a natural resistence to something, and I agreed to provide protection to her daughter... and to a lesser extent her bufffoon of a husband, whilst she was away."

"Why the seven rings would Lily think you could protect ME?!"

"You're physically powerful, yes, but your mind and heart and guilt weigh you down so effectively it's a wonder you can stand to keep breathing. It would take nothing for someone to manipulate you, you lost your will to live for a long time there, and only Charlotte brought you back to yourself. She wanted you to be awakened, and kept from rash decisions around Heaven, around Charlie. To protect you from yourself. Which I found preposterous and decided to focus on Charlotte's hilarious venture first... assuming you would arrive at some point."

"You have to defend us? Is that why you went to fight Adam even though he could have killed you?"

"Do stop the weeping, Charlotte, I only have so many handkerchiefs to hand. The roof was strategically chosen as it allowed the widest casting of my shield, I would have been a target whether I chose to fight Adam or not... and perhaps your mother asked me to keep you safe, but the definition is broad, I could have worked my way out of it as needed."

"How? Lily's damn good at deals, she rarely leaves leeway."

"As am I... but her terms were also pressured by Heaven's demands. She could only ask to keep Charlotte safe... that could mean from herself, from emotional harm like losing a friend, from physical harm wherein I could shadow her from the battlefield, from trauma and despair, from heartbreak, from the devastation of seeing what Valentino has done to his thralls today, from societal scorn by keeping her locked away... and so on. Imagine the weight of such an undefined task... and what it would allow."

"Devious."

"Thank you."

"So, your stick... was that what Lily reinforced?"

"No. It was an inherent ability that she strengthened... but my staff had allowed me to make contact with the Queen covertly. I can only imagine she will be frustrated it has been damaged."

"You weren't... forced to take the deal, were you?" Charlie hedges, holding fast to her mental image of her mother as a caring, strong and powerful woman with family at the forefront of her mind.

"No, it was my choice. Her bolstering would not unravel if the deal broke, but the deal allowed her to summon me to her in her new prison dimension. Getting back was a rather terrible drop, but... it's survivable."

"Bullshit! There's no way you've Fallen down here... there's a lot of sound and fire and most people scream."

"Ah, true. But I can go incoporeal as needed and, well... your mother wanted to keep things secret..." The stitches flared right across Alastor's face. "There may have been some feedback through the airways that overloaded a few servers or speakers, but I did try not to cause a ruckus."

"Oh yeah? Well, where did you land? There should be a crater or something..."

"Like I said, I can become intangible as needed, and you could say that I did not impact... more dispersed across an area in a shockwave, rather than striking the ground and burying myself. It took some time to get the more wilful pieces to rejoin the whole, but I managed."

"Is that why you were gone for seven years?" Charlie asked, recalling what Vaggie said to Angel.

"What? No, no, it takes a few weeks at most. And I'm rather good at it now... the Queen has a habit of getting bored and wanting to talk to someone quite regularly now."

"That... doesn't sound right. Lillith fell WITH me, she knows how much it-... how long it took for us to heal and-... she wouldn't just call someone up for a chat knowing that to get 'home' would involve a fall..."

Alastor's ears did a funny little twitch.

"And what, exactly, does that uncertain little wiggle of those fluffy things mean, bellhop?"

"Nothing."

"Really?"

Alastor hums in response. Infuriating bastard.

"Al, is there... something wrong with my mother?" Charlie asked, touching his arm so tentatively you'd think she was trying to encourage a sick feral cat to come close enough to be helped. It did make the overlord rankle a little, his dignity had already been dragged through the mud today.

His ears flick again.

"Please, tell me..."

"...it is just a supposition, there is no evidence or proof, my dear."

"Al, you're one of the smartest people I've met down here, especially when it comes to reading people and seeing what isn't being said... if you saw something, I believe it's real."

Alastor's fingers curl as if to play with his microphone, before being forcibly stilled.

"Something has been changing in her majesty... she isn't herself. There's a darkness in the corners of her eyes, a weigh in her gaze and words, a change to her demeanour when we talked... and she started to find enjoyment in suffering. Which, as I understand, is so very different to the Queen whose heart broke for Hell and she led the rebellion to protect."

"Do you know what made her like that?"

"...I have an idea, but do not understand what purpose she would have with Lillith. Especially not when the Queen was in Heaven, it would serve her no purpose to corrupt her in a place where it would be immediately obvious. You may have noticed the feathered fools are ridiculous about their constant use of holy light up there..."

Lucifer looked ill. "If you're referring to who I think you are, then... for one, how the hell do you know here? And two, how can you be sure Heaven isn't doing something to reset Lillith back to her Eden self or something?"

"Oh, She reached out when I was on earth actually... I turned her down and she ensured I was killed for it. She halted my initial fall to demand a deal, and I renegotiated the terms which ticked her off no end... but I rather think she enjoyed the chaos I brought. As for the Queen... well... once you have felt that particular touch of darkness, you can just about taste it on others, like a cloying perfume or... perhaps a brand that can only be sensed in the right light. It's hard to articulate..."

"Who?" Charlie breaks in, getting frustrated at missing the most important clue here.

"She's... something that was here before I Fell in with your mother, my duckling... She likes to go by 'Roo' which stands for the Root of all Evil'. She... was... Eve, but the condemnation of Heaven and the creation of sins led her to become a vessel for all evil, for all darkness and loss in all humanity. It twisted her violently. She tends to reach out to humans who catch her fancy and if they take her deal, they become near supernatural murder machines. Heaven has been blocking her for centuries."

"And... she has a deal with mum?"

"No. I think... I think perhaps it's a sympathetic resonance. Lillith never forgot Eve, she always wanted to find a way to get back to her, to free her from Adam. And when Eve died and became... Roo... well, she would visit her to try and help with her songs. The first centuries were horrendous, only Lily's songs could soothe Eve's agony... physical and mental. I couldn't find a way to heal her. We did what we could."

"That's terrible, how can we help them?"

Lucifer looks lost. "I'm... I'm not sure. I think we need to take this to the council of Sins, and the higher goetia, ask them for theories on how best to assist them both. Some of the Goetia have been stdying prophecies and ancient magicks and the like, they may know something new or helpful."

His eyes flick back to the Overlord. "Okay, first things first... if I throw my weight behind your request and ensure Box removes all videos and never speaks about it, will you give the airwaves back?"

"...yes."

"Good, okay, if I fix your little microphone thing, can you contact Lily with me or Charlie in the room to talk to her?"

"She... will likely not be pleased you know."

"Will she summon you?"

"If she is still able to, I suspect so."

"Okay, what if I put a tracking charm on something you can wear like a cufflink or something, and if you Fall I can portal you safely to the ground again? We can get news faster if you're not reforming from shards of shades, right?"

"...hmmm, I dislike having others' influences on me."

A lightbulb goes off for Lucifer.

"That's the reason you're so pro-Wee Murder isn't it? They tried to use their abilities on you, all at once... and Lily had to step in, right?"

"Technically, yes, but not for the reason you think. Her intervention was the only reason I was able to remain myself... and unmolested."

"Unmol-... no. Don't you guys just kill each other?"

"Vox is obsessed with anything he can't have, or breaking down any No he has ever heard. To be denied something he wanted was too much for him, and..." Alastor paused, thinking how to phrase it. "...he attempted to ensure compliance by 'fixing' something he felt was broken. By any means necessary."

"You weren't interested in him, or just in general?"

"In general. They used to lobotomise or shock people into vegetables for less, in my day... and Vox has never grown out of the mentality that everything is fixable to his ideals if he applies enough money, charisma or force."

"Hmmm, hmmm, hmm... okay, so what I'm hearing is that no one is safe under the Gees and we need to burn down their tower as soon as possible, and no one in this hotel goes near their territory alone if at all possible? Okay? Okay. I have a really awesome hellfireball I haven't been able to use for decades because well, the splashback tends to be a bit messy but..."

"As much as I would love to, it falls into the hands of dear Charlotte here... who I suspect will ask us to spare at least two of them. However, we can always do our best to place them under such intensely written contracts that even a sin couldn't break out of them if they were desperate to do so."

"I... I really feel that we should try talking... but, I know that... it hasn't worked before, and there's a LOT of risks to doing so. But I can't just LET you kill them..."

"Then ask us to manage the Vees, and if accidents happen... they happen. I will endeavour not to drop the moth down an elevator shaft with his wings torn off, but well, after the strike from Adam I'm afraid my grip isn't as strong as it was... ah well."

"Oh, Dad... is there anything we can do about the injury?"

"I mean, sure. I can heal it, but that takes a while. Oooh, I have a thing!" He manifests a duck.

"No."

"Come ooooooon, it's adorable, this is Lady Elizabethrean Nightingale Winthrope-Quacklington the third, and she WILL emit an explosive laser if you aim her at an enemy and think 'Spaghetti Bolognese' so... don't do that unless there's no other choice. BUT, I made her to passively absorb angelic essence from heaven-based wounds. Some of the sins and even Lily got nicked during the first Exterminations before we enforced the sinners-only rule. A few hellborn were really hurt, before that., she really came in handy back then."

"And I should... carry this about like a clutch purse or something? Turn it into a necklace?"

"Pfft, stop being dramatic! Wha-bam! Travel sized!"

The duck, from large elaborate white wig to fancy ruffled purple dress, was now only two inches high. It slipped easily into Alastor's pocket... and clearly started work immediately, because a very subtle set of tension in those sharp shoulders, eased visibly.

"You're welcome, stubborn. Now, let's fix your stick, and we'll go fuck those Vees..."

"Oooh, did I walk in at the right time!" Angel croons, grin nearly wider than Alastor's. "But ya know there's like, pills fer that, you don't need to get the King to... heh, lay hands. But I can if ya'd like."

The waggling of those eyebrows deserved their own censorship warning.

Alastor made a symbol in the air and the halves of his beloved microphone appeared. Charlie took them into her own hands, looking upon the thing with sorrow.

"I'm sorry Al... the day you let me borrow it in Cannibal town, I felt so powerful, so believed in. I know it's important to you... so, if you want, I can try to fix it myself?"

She doesn't see the subtle look Alastor threw at the King, who nodded, confirming Charlie was powerful enough.

"If you wish, my dear."

The shockwave of her attempt took the unsuspecting Angel, Husk and Niffty off their feet. The maid disappeared out the door witha comical Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

"Well done, I knew you could do it." Alastor encouraged, delighted as his microphone's eye opened, focusing on him and tugging a gentle flow of his magical energy, pooling it within itself. "Welcome back."

"You're welcome!"

"Okay, okay, so let's go do the thing with Box... and then, perhaps, we gently persuade them to hand over their souls or be torn to pieces and scattered across eternity as screaming atoms." Lucifer grins, as if he just suggested dessert.

"Sounds like a delightful schedule, musn't keep them waiting... come along, Lucifer." Alastor dissolves into shadows and seemingly heads to where Vox was being contained in the basement.

"Hey, that's cheating!" Lucifer shouts to the empty room, ad disappears in a puff of red sparkles.

Charlie looked delighted and distraught. "I don't... like what they're about to do... but I understand why." The delight wins out. "But did you HEAR that? Al called Dad by his name! AND they're going to overthrow evil overlords TOGETHER! If I can get those two on the same page, it's only a matter of time before we can get someone fully redeemed. Ooooh, I'm going to focus on the GOOD things happening!"

"Er, okay? Cool. They're gonna go piss off the Vees?" Angel has grasped onto what's happening, and seems a little panicked.

He shudders as his phone blinks back to life, and autmoatically starts blaring notifications... even without any way to make it work, Val had been blowing up his phone and alternating between love bombing and threats as usual.

Fuck.

Husk, who had been listening longer than the others in his invisible status as barkeep, was smiling a tad too smug.

"Just wait here. Promise that things'll work out..."

"If I don't go he'll kill me."

"I think that's being handled."

The bar radio clicked on and a horrendous, familiar shriek of pure agony began. The lung capacity was sincerely impressive, honestly. Angel nearly bursts into tears as his collar and chains manifest, fracturing with every scream, slightly softer than the last. The cries of someone who knows there is no end but death.

When it finally shatters, husk has the arachnid wrapped in his arms and wings, as Angel sobs. He's dreamed of this so fucking long, but it always felt like the sort of hope you attached to winning the lottery... it would be nice, but this ain't a fairytale.

----------------------------------------------------

"Sorry to break up whatever this disgusting debauchery is... but if the traitor and her royal slut would look this way?" comes an unexpected voice, as a window smashed open.

A bloodied Vaggie rolled a few feet before forcing herself upright again. "Bad news, babe, the side piecce is here looking for revenge..."

"I WAS NOT HIS SIDE PIECE!" screams the enraged exorcist, who launches herself at Vaggie, weapon out.

Only to be backhanded across the room by a dark tendril of shadow, which pulled back to Alastor's shade. It was frowning at Lute.

"Hey, whoever just bothered my future daughter in law is going to be torn limb from limb when I get over there..." Lucifer interjects over the airwaves and diminishing screams.

"Yes, yes, do you want to spread him into atoms or shall I break him across the broadcast? Do you know scissor, knife, chainsaw little majesty?"

"Er, you do it... I'm going to rip the wings off what feels like an exorcist in my realm without sanction."

"Tch, your loss Lucifer. Now, Valentino... let's fragment the last pieces of 'you' shall we?"

The radio clicks off with a garbled whine.

Lucifer arriving in all his glory ready to kill an angel without mercy.

------------------------------------------------

Ooooh, additional drama if Lute uses this opportunity to try and get revenge for Adam under the guise of 'defending heaven' from someone holding it hostage. Aiming for the beacon of Alastor's wound, because he did kill and trap a number of her sisters. She also heard whispers of bolstering her power through taking powerful sinners' deals/chains onto herself.

Anything to get an advantage... she doesn't realise that normally exorcists can't, but if she could take them on, it would mean she is tainted, and Fallen without having taken on the mantle. Fascinating psychological twist for Lute there.

she intends to go for Vaggie's princess next, to make the traitor watch as the light leaves Charlie's eyes. And then, if the king destroys her... it doesn't matter, because she already won.

Then Lucifer would start a war, and the exorcists could annihilate the whole realm.

Oooh, she could use Sir Pentious as a HOSTAGE.

Which catches Emily's attention, and then Sera's who realise what Lute is doing. Then things get Fucked Up.