#but this is it - if for some reason the person who sent me the anon is checking to see if i'll answer

[emeryhiro]

What are your thoughts about the whole bethyl thing? I personally saw it more as Daryl finding hope and light when he was in a place of deep despair - she showed him that there's still good to be seen in the world. And so it was a major loss to him personally when she died. Plus she helped him process part of his past trauma.

But I've seen Norman Reedus and Greg Nicotero say that while romance wasn't scripted, there was a taste of it in the air when it came to acting choices. I hate that idea bc she was a teenager and it makes me feel less good about Daryl. I guess I'd hope that if he started catching some feelings "he didn't understand" (as NR puts it), then he would see that they're too far apart in other ways for it to go beyond a father/daughter big brother/little sister sort of bond. What do you think?

Hey Anon!

Thank you for your questions 😊 I'm sorry it took me some time to respond. I just wanted to be careful with what I say and how I explain my opinion since the last thing I want to do is disregard or disrespect anyone else's opinions on the topic.

I agree with you. I always saw that the reason Daryl grew to care so much for Beth was because she gave him hope and didn't allow him to shut off from the world after he thought he'd lost everything and everyone that mattered to him. This ultimately made him feel like he owed her because she saved him, maybe not in the literal sense, but definitely mentally. Her persistence ultimately leads him to finding everyone again.

Only hours before having to be on the run with Beth, Rick had told Daryl about how he'd sent Carol away for killing Karen and David, and we saw how defeated that made Daryl feel. Realising that Carol had to shoulder that responsibility on her own and that he wasn't able to be there to stand up for her put him in a really bad place mentally.

This guilt was then compounded by the governor returning to the prison and killing Hershel infront of everyone, and the guilt that Daryl felt for giving up his search for Governor, which in his mind was the reason Hershel died and they lost the prison.

So all these things combined meant that Daryl felt responsible for EVERYTHING that had just happened TO EVERYONE. And no one was there to help him sholder that pain and responsibility.

Ultimetly his instincts kick in, all the walls that he'd slowly been breaking down come right back up, and he starts to go cold again just to numb himself from everything he's feeling.

And this is where Beth came in. Firstly, her innocence and optimism was the only thing stopping Daryl from completely shutting off from the world. She kept reminding him that the other's could have made it and that if they got out then odds are others must have as well. And secondly, she kept him busy, she was something that needed his protection and that gave him porpose and a reason to keep going.

After Beth gets taken, Daryl ends up with The Claimers, who he thinks are exactly the type of people he deserves to be around, because (in his mind) he can't seem to be capable of keeping and protecting anything good that comes his away, but by some miracle he's reunited with Rick, Carl and Michonne again, and this is where he realises that Beth was right, and if Rick and co have made it then it probably means others have as well.

I think this moment above was the beginning of Daryl starting to believe that he has value again. Rick's words begin to soften him again, but even after reuniting with almost everyone again, we don't actually see Daryl's guard come down until this moment below.

Every single shield/wall he'd been putting up until now is instantly shattered. He's completely exposed in this moment. His mind and body take a few seconds to register what his eyes are seeing and what his heart is feeling, and he's instantly running to Carol and into her arms without any other thought. This is the moment we can get a true reading of his feelings.

Regarding how he felt for Beth...

Yes, I think there may have been some confusion from Daryl's side about what he was feeling for Beth, just like how Norman has described it previously; he cared for Beth, she was nice to him, and that was so rare in his life that he misread the whole situation and couldn't interpret what he was actually feeling. In my opinion, there was no romantic feeling or intent on either side; they were both just navigating a new form of friendship that they'd never experienced before. And if I had to, I'd compare his relationship with Beth to his relationship with Lydia. To put it very simply, he felt responsible for protecting these young girls who, at the time, had no one else on their side, and ultimately, both girls saved him in return and looked up to him as a role model.

~~~~

Thanks again for the questions 🩵 I really hope I did this justice because my main goal is to keep my blog a positive place for everyone.

I know there are many varying opinions on this topic, but I'm glad I got the chance to share mine, and I just wanted to once again say that this is my opinion and not meant to invalidate anyone else's 🩵

[sanchoyo]

Ik i don't talk abt bnha much anymore (I tend to wait to binge read stuff anyway and do go thru phases of being obsessed then completely ignoring stuff for months to years until I remember I Like It, but admittedly I've lost interest with it a lil bit regardless) but like. I get baffled when ppl lump bnha in with 'crazy fandoms' or whatever. yeah its a big fandom and im SURE theres discourse the likes of which i could never imagine (I am very good at blocking and blacklisting tho lol) but. it was genuinely, for me, one of the MOST positive fandom experiences I've ever had! ppl were always very very nice to me and supportive and I used to get so many nice ppl leaving comments or sending asks, and it actually makes me a lil teary to think abt bc. I am a very shy person tbh! and I always kinda worried the type of content I posted wouldn't be received well, but it was always met with kindness, and even when ppl disagreed with me they'd stay polite and thank me for explaining why and it always stayed very civil? so its hard not for me to look back on it fondly.

like for whatever problems I have w the series or direction its taken my experience was OVERWHELMINGLY positive and idk if thats just because I was firmly in the villains stan camp or what but. very grateful for it idk I'm just rereading old reviews and getting very nostalgic and happy if I could make ppl happy with it bc it made me happy too ;w; ill always be fond of the lov and a lot of the characters anyway. I still care for them very much. whenever bnha ends u guys gotta lmk if they get happy endings bc if not I'll be glad to write a fix it fic 👍

[maddy-ferguson]

i could never send an ask with more than three words in it on anon i feel like anyone who’s been following me more for more than two days would clock me immediately

[pixie-but-unscripted]

do i do it. do i put my lego problem (emmet) on main. from the priv. so that the artists can see theres at least one person out there who loves their work casue they cant write any shit i write on priv. god help me i am TERRIFIED but i also want them to know i appreciate what they do immensely.

theres this one wordgirl person that posts a lot of cool art on it and even tho wordgirl is edutainment i still feel unbelievably cringe abt my emmet problem (i love him too much)

like he (and consequentially, rex) are like the one part abt these movies i care abt!! some others too yea but its mostly them!! its not like its the paw patrol movie its just got a small fandom why am i so scared GRAHH

anyways ahah. do i put it on main or do i remain silent, on one hand i rlly wanna reblog it on main, on the other im very scared to

[fairuzfan]

This post is for the anon who sent me that video asking me to debunk it's claims so they can be better equipped against accusations of antisemitism.

Sorry, I won't post the video since I refuse to have that man on my blog but I can give you common Zionist talking points and the illogicality behind it.

To preface: most of the questions Zionists will ask you are a trap, and will make you fall into a "rabbit hole" (as I was once told when I was younger), as we try to apply their reasoning. My advice is to ALWAYS center the humanity of Palestinians. For example, when a Zionist says:

"Don't Jews deserve a homeland to be safe?"

It fundamentally ignores the core issue: Palestinians are being raped, murdered, and expelled from their homes so that the establishment of this so called "homeland" may exist. When people ask this to you, I personally advise saying something like:

Why must Palestinians suffer for the establishment of this homeland?

Always recenter to the issue at hand—the inhumane removal and treatment of Palestinians.

"Palestine belongs to the Jews and Not Muslims"

The whole premise of this claim is flawed—there is a weird tendency to equate Arab/Palestinian=Muslim when it just is like. Completely untrue. There are Palestinian Christians, Bethlehem is famously a Christian city, who have been there for centuries. There are Palestinian Jews, who have been there for centuries. There are Palestinian Muslims, who have been there for centuries. My grandpa told me stories of how he would turn on lamps for his Jewish neighbors in Al-Khalil (or Hebron) during Shabbat.

To claim that Palestine is EITHER Islamic or Jewish doesn't make any sense and completely neglects the fact that dissemination of culture has occurred for centuries, as well as the intermingling of people throughout generations. To somehow assert that for some reason, Jews and Muslims did not have ANYTHING to do with each other—did not create together, did not build families together, did not build culture together, all while being PALESTINIAN—is incredibly racist and nonsensical. "Palestinian" is not a religious identity—it's a cultural and ethnic one.

Also, it does not negate the core issue—Palestinians are being killed, removed, and tortured so that others can live on that land.

"Well what about [something about partitioning land]?"

Honestly like, who cares about the partitioning throughout the 1900 and early 2000s. Sorry, I'm not going to list the whole "partitioning" history nonsense. The whole reason "Israel" exists is because of a Mass Exodus, murder, and rape of Palestinians. Everything after that is rendered obsolete.

"Well, I heard Palestinians allied with Hitler"

I don't know how to tell you this but Palestine was under British Control. No they didn't.

"Israel withdrew from the Gaza and left them to themselves and they put Hammas in charge"

Oh yeah, Israel totally left Gaza, that's why Gazans' water, electricity, internet, and food is completely controlled by Israel (this is sarcasm, Israel still controls basic life in Gaza).

Go back to centering the idea that no human deserves to be shoved into an open-air prison, starved, and controlled. Did you know that the Zionist Entity controls the amount of water Gazans receive, as well as counting their calories to ensure they don't have enough energy on a day to day basis?

"I heard Israel asked Arabs to stay"

Show them these papers and videos when they say this:

If you can't show them these videos, check in the next point what to say.

"Well the Palestinians left of their own will in 1948"

Palestinians in 1948 didn't "leave." They had heard of how the Zionist Entity was slaughtering Palestinians en masse. Women especially heard stories of rape and sexual violence. They fled from *violence*. Again, from an earlier post, that this was a calculated effort on the Zionist Entity's part to try and get them to "leave" on their own and "abandon" their houses so that they can come in and say "hey, they left on their own so, we can come in and take their houses now."

Anyways, the idea that once you leave your house you can't ever come back to it is incredibly odd to me as an argument on Zionists' part. Like if you leave your house right now to go to the grocery store and you come back and see someone in your house and they're like "sorry dude, this is my house now, you left so that means you can't come back," you'd be like, "what the hell!" It would be even weirder if everyone agreed with the guy who took your house, which is what happened to Palestinians.

In Al-Khalil, or Hebron, Palestinians always have to have someone stay in their house or else a Settler will come in and take it from them. So it still goes on today as well.

This is not a point, but when that one person in the video said "Arabs lived under Israeli rule" and showed a clip of a bustling city with mountains, I'm pretty sure that was Amman, Jordan, not Palestine lol. Those buildings in the mountains look like how downtown Amman builds the residential areas. Could be wrong tho.

"There are no Jews living under Palestinian rule in Palestine"

What is this, some sort of gotcha argument? What are they trying to prove, the racist (obviously false) notion that Palestinians hate Jews as a whole? How do they know no Palestinian Jew lives in Gaza? Also, Settlers in Palestinian Territory exist??? I had never heard this claim before, its incredibly stupid lol. You're automatically a citizen of "Israel" if you're Jewish, whether or not you live in or outside of Palestinian Territories. So of course technically they don't live under Palestinian rule, they're granted full rights as an "Israeli" citizen automatically!

Go back to talking about the inhumane treatment of Palestinians, I wouldn't bring up the above counterpoint unless they really won't let it go since the main point is mistreatment.

"Why are Christians supporting Israel then, if it's a secular issue rather than a religious one?"

Well actually for a couple reasons:

Oil interests and regional control of goods (White People Supporting White People).

Weird fundamentalist ideology where they want to enact the second coming of Christ.

And finally because they are racist and don't think Arab Christians deserve to live. They literally bombed a 1500+ year church the other day. Why would (White) Christians cosign that.

Anyways, its a stupid argument again, because it forgets the core issue of Palestinians dying and being displaced.

In summary, always go back to the point of centering the Palestinians being displaced, tortured, and murdered, no matter the argument a Zionist gives you.

[fefern]

How about some jealous headcannons for jiyan, calcaro and scar? Do they even get jealous at all? I just think about how I would flirt with them all, Rover is stronger than me. Anyway, have a lovely day ❣️

✧˖° when they're jealous. | jiyan, calcharo, and scar headcanons.

⋆ ˚☁️ ⁀➴ synopsis: jealousy, jealousy...or whatever that oliva rodrigo song is. what's it like when these wuwa men are feeling a bit jealous?

⋆ ˚☁️ ⁀➴ characters involved (separate): jiyan, calcharo, scar, and gender neutral reader.

⋆ ˚☁️ ⁀➴ warnings: none!

⋆ ˚☁️ ⁀➴ notes: hi sweet anon!! thank you for requesting! hope you enjoy these jealousy hcs, i hope i did you justice since i'm not a very jealous person myself > <;;!! requests are open, and all nsfw asks can be sent to @jiayouqi!

ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅ jiyan ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅

the general of the midnight rangers is a pretty tough guy; he understands that you’re a sight for sore eyes, so of course people are going to look at you. 

i don’t imagine him getting very jealous, he knows that you can handle your own and trusts that you wouldn’t flirt back with any of the people that try to hit on you.

but, if someone’s flirting with you for longer than a few minutes, or you’re looking uncomfortable, he’s quick to stir into action.

after all, you’re his partner, no one gets to flirt with or dote on you except him. 

will smoothly slip a hand around your waist, give a quick glance at whoever’s hitting on you, and usually one look is enough to drive anyone away since he’s in a position of power in jinzhou. 

if for some reason they’re stupid enough to fight back on him, that’s when he’s quick to snap back, mentioning how you’re his beloved and to back off. 

jiyan will always turn to you and ask if you’re okay after anyone flirts with you, wanting to make sure you’re not uncomfortable.

he’s kind of like a dragon in that sense, guarding his lovely treasure with a level of protectiveness. 

he sometimes gets jealous also when you’re gone for long period of time or vice versa, because he loves spending quality time with you and being unable to do so makes him jealous of those who can spend more time with you.

after he’s done being jealous, the feelings subside quickly and he quietly will hold your hand for a while, as if to let people know to back off. 

overall jealousy score: 4/10, not easy to stir to jealousy but will be protective and stand up for you if you need him to. knows you can handle your own and that you’re strong enough to deal with the situation. 

ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅ scar ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅

very vocal about when he’s jealous, the opposite of jiyan.

“BABEEEEE come on pay attention to me please please please,” puppy vibes

he loves having your attention, so when you’re getting flirted with or your attention is elsewhere, he gets very pouty very fast. 

you’re meant to only have eyes on him! how can you be talking to someone else?

“love why were you talking with them and not me? :c” “scar that was a child-”

if someone has the guts to flirt with you while he’s around, he’s there in a flash and stands behind you protectively like a bodyguard. 

very confrontational. he’ll tell them that you’re taken and that you have the best boyfriend in the world so he suggests they piss off. 

will not hesitate to get physical and fight someone if it means protecting you and getting someone to lay off the flirting.

the only way his jealousy will subside is if you give him the attention he wants or tell him to stop getting upset before anything escalates.  

he’ll immediately comply, even if he’s resistant or grumbling about it. 

scar just wants to make sure no one else makes a move on his beloved, and even the simple idea of someone taking you away is enough to make him see red. 

gets clingy when he’s jealous too, always wants to reassure himself that you’re his and his for life. 

overall jealousy score: 10/10, it doesn’t take much to rile him up, and he gets very snappy when anyone even dares to look in your direction. you’re his and his only. some kisses and sweet words of affirmation will calm him down fast though.

ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅ calcharo ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅

in the middle of the pack when it comes to being jealous. 

the main reason he gets jealous is because of possessiveness, but he’s almost never vocal about it. a silent guardian of you. 

he can control his temper well, but his whole aura changes when someone even gets close to you, and it’s enough for most people to turn away from even flirting with you.

however, one touch from someone other than him and he’s ticked.

quickly grabs their wrist with a strong grip and gives them a deadly look. 

“leave.”

his voice is deep and drips of venom, and if looks could kill, they’d be dead in an instant.

afterwards, he silently will just give you a nod and the two of you will go back to whatever you were doing. 

he gets on the defensive though after someone flirts with you once during an outing, and he’s almost hyper aware of everything going on around him now. 

is also the type of person where, if someone’s persistent with their flirting with you, or if you tell him that you’re uncomfortable with the other person, he’ll simply nod his head in acknowledgement. 

the next day, they’re either dead or seriously injured, and it’s the talk of the town; you know he was the cause of it. 

he won’t mention anything about it unless you say something, and if you do, he’ll huff. 

“no one makes my lover uncomfortable.” 

overall jealousy score: 7/10, not very vocal about it and is level headed, but if someone dares to try and flirt with you, he’ll turn the scene dark fast.

[whimsyprinx]

aside from rsd and inevitably pushing people away the reason I don’t have many friends and am reluctant to make more is simply because I’ve had so many friends or attempted friends be either awful or like just Frightening and I got to a point where I instead cling to what few friends I have but then as I lose those friends I begin to like panic a tad bit because eventually I’m going to have two friends at best and be too scared to ever try and make more lest they be horrible people or freaks or grow to hate me

[neil-gaiman]

Hi Neil.

I know you are flooded with asks and this somehow became extremely long. Too long. “Why am I suddenly telling this poor man my life story?” too long. “I think I’d rather he work on the GO3 script than read this wild beast” too long. “He’s going to think you’re criminally dangerously insane” too long. If you never get to it, I’m good with never seeing a response from you. Maybe it’s better that way? Maybe an anon would have been nice here. But, it’s 2024, so I say “we ball.” It’s a privilege to be able to send this to you at all. You get a lot to this effect and I hope they give you good feels, so maybe what’s the harm, yeah? Because this is not an ask. This is a thank you letter.

First, thanks for reblogging my therapist post, I hope it amused you. I nearly sent you “How am i supposed to explain this to my therapist?!” But refrained. At that time.

So, therapy. What is therapy really? Well…

Things have been really rotten for as long as I can remember. Bad health, bad doctors, bad relationships, bad coping mechanisms, bad all kinds of things. (Yeah, bad is a weak and unhelpful word, my therapist reminds me, but we’re doing this.)

Well, things got even more really really rotten and BAD these last few years. Health declined further, coping mechanisms declined further and more intensely, packed up my life, applied for disability, moved back in with my parents across the country.

Then 4 years ago last week I watched my fiance die of a sudden heart attack. I was 29. Two years later my best friend died. Then last summer I sauntered vaguely into a cancer scare. Not long before an operation my cat who has been my companion through so much garbage died as well. I’m not entirely in the clear on the cancer scare front. All my attempts at going back to work, volunteering, going to grad school - they collapsed on me because I couldn’t get through this STUFF.

(Sometimes when I talk about this, when I tell people, I think “they are going to think you are a raging pathological liar.” Because I’m not sure I would believe someone if they told me all of this happened to them. In such a short time period. All before they were 35. And hell if that hasn’t been isolating. You know how it sounds? Lonely. And it is.)

I did the hypervigilant and sensation/experience chasing stage of PTSD. It got me in a lot of trouble in all kinds of ways. I had to do a lot of medical and psych advocating because things kept getting worse. That was exhausting. Then that peaked. I went into the thick of the “I feel absolutely nothing” stage for a long time. I didn’t feel fatigue or hunger or thirst. Not people, feelings, a reason. Not hope.

But of course, like seems be for a lot of us, I somehow found Good Omens at just the right time. I was a very “I’m so cool and intellectual I mostly consume non-fiction media” person for too long. Like, what? How is that even a real thing? And it wasn’t real. It was just part of this curated autism mask that I don’t think anyone really bought anyway.

I think I got to a point where I’d just had too much reality. I needed fantasy. I didn’t realize I always needed it. But I denied myself for too many odd and painful reasons. Maybe I thought it was an escape I didn’t deserve.

But as it turns out, it wasn’t an escape. I watched both seasons last fall, and then this light came on. I watched it again and again.

I came to tumblr because I needed more. I found this fandom. I stepped into this beautiful world of fanart and fanfiction and brain flexing meta writing and a sense of community and wonder that you and Terry created - that everyone involved in the show inflated - exploded in the right way - like fireworks if fireworks were some kind of autocatalytic reaction - a self perpetuating force.

It’s not a “saved my life” feeling. Not a “getting my life back” feeling. It’s been a “maybe it’s time for you to have the life you’ve always been denied - that you’ve denied yourself” feeling.

I’m creating. I’m not “great” yet. Not terribly “good” at all. Maybe “behind” as far as the “proper” timeline for starting. I know there isn’t one, not really, but boy does that society machine make ya feel like there is. And sure, I started and stopped a lot in the past. But the second it got hard I always gave up. I felt like if I didn’t get it “right” to begin with, then I just didn’t have it in me at all. But for once I’m really in it. I’m writing and trying to draw things that look less like fever dream five year old drawings. (Not that there’s anything wrong with those, is there? 🙃) I’m eating better. I’m sleeping better. I reach out to old friends more. I’ve made new friends who share this love of Good Omens.

My therapist has been floored by the change in me. After that first funny mini flop, he has been so encouraging about it. I saw him this week and I said “Maybe this is helping me get prepared to start living again. Maybe it’s a springboard.” And he honest to god said “But You ARE living. This is YOU LIVING. Why does it have to be a springboard? Why do you have to turn this into ‘work?’ Just let yourself have this for once in your life.”

But there were two more added elements that made it all work. And I can’t help but think this whole brainrot thing wouldn’t have happened without them. So many things just happened all at just the right time - a proper coincidence.

In all of the madness of the last few years I finally got the memo that I'm autistic. i figured I was for a while. But it finally sunk in for me and my docs and my people. So I’d been working on unpacking that. Grieving the life that could have been entirely different, shedding the mask. I let myself hyperfixate openly instead of hiding it and hating myself for “spiralling” or “obsessing” like others -!like ‘I’ always punished myself for before we knew that it was a trait and not a personality flaw.

Then over the last few months my therapist and I started trying this new exercise. One session he stopped me and said “in the last 20 minutes you have responded to what I’ve said with 9 ‘I knows.’” My response to that? “Ugh, I know.” So we started this “I know” swear jar type situation. Really, I’ve been afraid of not knowing. I couldn’t let myself “not know.” Because it meant I was “dumb.” I was just drowning for so long in guilt and self loathing for the “I knew better and screwed up anyway.” Or “I should’ve known better - I should know that by now.”

As it turns out, there’s a lot of things I don’t know. That I didn’t know. Things I will never know. And refusing to admit all of that kept me from learning a damn thing. Kept me from asking questions. Kept me from trying new things because it was scary to do something new - something unknown - and I "knew" how it would all turn out anyway. Kept me from connecting with people because it was painful or embarrassing when they knew things I didn’t and it seemed like I already should have. Kept me from getting better at making art, music, writing. Kept me from forgiving myself. Kept me from growing. And kept me from moving forward. Maybe not on. I don’t know if we ever “move on” from things. But we can move forward as we carry them. And as we do, the weight gets less. We’re able to carry it better. But only if we can admit that we don’t know how. Only if we don’t treat ourselves like this is something we do know or should know and we’re just failing because we’re less than. Not good enough. Not strong enough. Not deserving. We have to be able to say “I don’t know how to do this.” And then we can start looking for the answers. We can ask. We can learn.

I thought about the apple. Being able to tell the difference between good and evil. Aziraphale’s years and years of watching what he “knows” to be true be proven wrong. Crowley’s need to ask questions…

The simple and enormous gift of “Knowledge.” The “Knowledge” of the difference between Good and Evil. The “Knowledge” that can only be gained by realizing, accepting, admitting that there are things we don’t know. Asking the questions. Sometimes we get answers we don’t like. Sometimes the consequences of asking hurt us. And unless you want to stay in that painful place that painful knowledge got you, well, you’ve got to let yourself learn how to get out.

So all of this good? I never expected this. I never thought I deserved it. Joy and belonging and this sense that “Yeah, maybe things can get better. Maybe things can be good.” Because I said those things, not truly believing them, to the people I thought needed to hear it. But it couldn’t save them. It was hollow. The proof for us wasn’t really in our orbit or on our radar at the time. And now they’re gone.

People always say “it’s never too late.”

One of the people I lost said “it’s later than you think.”

I jokingly would respond “it’s already too late.”

It was for him in the end. For them. For some people I guess it really is. But maybe a lot of the “too late” people are there because they think “they know” that things will never be good for them. So they stop looking, they stop asking, stop finding. And eventually they just stop.

Then there came Crowley’s “It’s always too late.” The first time I heard it I thought “For sure, Crowley-cakes, I KNOW.”

But then…I just needed to rewatch the whole thing. And lines like that…familiar things…familiar themes…I was suddenly identifying with these characters. I suddenly saw myself. And the realization hit - I connected with something! Something new. And I FELT THAT. And that tiny little crack that made in the wall was just enough to start breaking it down. Yeah, when you start letting yourself feel after not feeling for so long, opening up to the good feelings means opening up to feelings and then the bad ones come out too. But when there IS good … it helps you balance. You can deal with the bad a little better because you’ve got the good thing to lean against when it gets too much. And now you’ve got feelings. You’ve got good and bad. You’ve got sticky foggy grey. You’ve got life.

Whew.

So, TLDR, thank you. From the bottom of my slowly healing heart, thank you.

And to sign off with some shits and giggles… I couldn’t find this in existence as a sticker so I had to custom order. Perhaps this will spread misery and panic among the humans of my city - or at least a malignant and creepy sense of unease.

Or maybe they’ll say “wtf” and go home and google it and they’ll fall into the Good Omens hole they never knew they needed too.

Thank you for this. I never quite know what to say to messages like this apart from I am really glad that it helps. (It becomes the weird extra piece that I worry about when writing season 3 -- hoping that it will be that thing again. Not just a story, but something that helps people feel and helps with healing and helps with love.)

[ashwhowrites]

Hiiii I’m the anon that sent this: Reader gets broken up with by a guy that she actually really liked but in reality this guy was a douchy football player that was rude to her friends (but she didn’t know about that.)

It was meant to be a request if you’d wanna write it!

And id say that Eddie does have a crush on reader.

I hope this is what you wanted and you enjoy it. Thank you for requesting 🫶🏻

The friend

Y/N waited years and years to fall in love. She grew up watching princesses find their prince, and she wanted to feel that. She wanted to feel loved by someone who chose to, someone who looked at her and would do anything to be with her. Even if he had to fight everyone to do it. She wanted to see what it felt like to be cared about.

To her, Greg did just that. She was smitten with the jockey football player the second he sent her a dazzling smile during a game. It was like his eyes found hers in the crowd, it was fate.

It didn't take long for him to ask her out and for her to say yes immediately. She was swept off her feet and never landed. He was sweet and romantic. He showered her in love and compliments. She thought he was perfect all around.

Eddie and her friends had other thoughts. Greg was two-faced but Y/N wasn't aware of that. Chrissy hated Greg, and she hated cheering for someone like him. He was selfish, cocky, and an ass. It took a lot for Chrissy to dislike someone, and she hated Greg, that meant something.

Eddie had two reasons to hate Greg. One reason was that Greg never had nice things to say to or about Eddie. Greg believed he was trailer dirt and a freak, just like everyone else. But Y/N didn't know that. The second reason was that Eddie was helplessly in love with Y/N.

Did he have the chance to go for it? Definitely but he was terrified. It was scary enough to tell a girl he liked her, but to tell his best friend? He wasn't sure he could handle the rejection.

Eddie and Chrissy grew closer over their dislike for Greg. Chrissy knew Eddie was in love with their best friend before Eddie realized it. Chrissy never understood how Y/N didn't catch on. Eddie was in no way good at hiding it. He stuttered over sentences, clumsier than ever, smiled the second she looked at him, and he'd do anything she asked.

Once Eddie saw her with Greg, he believed that was his sign that they would never be anything more. Eddie and Greg were two completely different people.

When the news broke out that Y/N and Greg broke up after almost a year together, many people had things to say. But no one would say it to her. Eddie felt relieved that his year of suffering was over. But he knew it was a matter of time before some new guy came along. He wasn't sure he could let that happen.

~~~

"I don't understand why he broke up with me," Y/N sobbed. Her head was in Eddie's chest as she soaked his band tee in her tears.

Eddie softly held her in his arms. His chin was on her head as his fingers ran through her hair.

"I don't either, babes." And he was honest. He couldn't imagine ever breaking up with her. She was easily the best person anyone could be with.

"Do you think it's because I'm not pretty enough?" She sniffled, her head facing him as she pulled back away, letting him search her face for the flaws she believed she had.

Eddie smiled and cleaned off her tears with his thumbs. Her red puffy eyes, wet cheeks, and trembling bottom lip. He couldn't lie to her.

"No. I think even right now you are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."

Eddie was dead serious. A sense of truth in his eyes as he barely blinked. His voice was deep and low, with no sounds of jokes.

The intensity in his face made her nervous and shy. She dug her head back into his warm chest as she held him tighter.

"He's the idiot who let you go."

~~~

Eddie was patient as his best friend recovered from the breakup. Chrissy and Eddie high-fived behind her back, sharing smiles and looks.

"I heard you and Greg broke up! Congratulations that guy was a di-" Dustin's voice was cut off, replaced with a groan.

Y/N turned around confused, Eddie standing next to Dustin with a smile. Dustin held his arm with a whimper.

"Congratulations? What does that mean?" Y/N pushed further.

Eddie and Chrissy looked at each other, trying to think of a fast lie.

"I know someone who likes you! It's a congrats to him!" Dustin said with a smile as he covered his lie. He looked to Eddie for approval and his smile dropped at the look on his face.

"Who?" Y/N perked up. For once, after a long week of crying, she smiled.

"That's not his place to tell. Why don't we go to lunch?" Eddie said, grabbing Dustin's arm and dragging him down the hall.

"That was weird," Y/N said as she turned to Chrissy.

"Why are you smiling like that?" Y/N asked. Chrissy stood with a huge cheesy grin.

Chrissy snapped out of her daydream of Eddie and Y/N finally together. Quick with a lie.

"It's good to see you smile again, now let's go eat."

~~~

Another week passed. Two weeks since her heart was shattered but she could feel herself healing. She had to thank Eddie for all of it. He was always there, holding her as she cried and talking her through everything.

Her mind was still thinking about who Dustin was talking about. The idea of a guy liking her made her feel less insecure. Maybe Greg was the problem and not her. She drew blanks as she tried to think who it was.

She hoped it was Eddie, but that felt like throwing wishes in an empty fountain. She was nowhere Eddie's type. She wasn't edgy enough or listened to the same music he did. She barely understood Hellfire and his ideas. He wasn't much of her type either, but there was something about him that she would never find anywhere else. He was one of a kind and she figured that's why she fell for him so hard.

Eddie never made moves, so she figured he didn't like her. That's why she had no problem going out with Greg. She thought maybe if Eddie showed jealousy, she'd have her answer. But he was just the same, nothing changed.

She was staring at the wall as Eddie woke up from his sleep. His tired eyes took her in. He had his arms around her already, he pressed his chest against her back tighter. She felt her body get warm as his arms squeezed her against him and his face snuggled into her neck. The soft breaths of his nose hitting her skin, his warm body against hers. Do all best friends cuddle in the same bed?

"How long have you been awake?" His deep and tired voice made her bite her lip. She wiggled in his arms, he loosened them as she turned around to face him. She kept herself in his arms, snuggling closer until she was nose to nose-with him.

"I never fell asleep," she whispered

The moon shined into the room, reminding her she had been trying to sleep for hours.

"How come?" He asked, his palm flat against her back as he softly rubbed the bare skin as her tank top slid up. She shivered as his hands touched her skin.

"A lot on my mind," she said truthfully. She admired his eyes. No matter how many times she looked into them, the brown continued to take her breath away. She took in the rest of his face. The bridge of his nose, the red lips she craved to taste. The slight hair growing above his lip, she knew he'd shave in the morning, but she loved being the only one who got to see it. His frizzy hair spread out on her pillows.

"Greg?" Eddie asked, admiring her face the same way she was with his.

"No," Y/N said, "about who that guy is Dustin brought up." She nervously bit her lip as she watched Eddie's reaction.

"Oh, how come?" Eddie asked, he hid his nervousness with a yawn

"Do you know who it is?"

"Uh no," Eddie said his eyes looking elsewhere

"Then why are you looking away?" Y/N smiled, she poked his cheek

He nervously laughed

"I don't know who he is," Eddie said, looking into her eyes as he finished the sentence.

"Such a bad liar! tell me," she squealed excitedly. He groaned as she left his arms. Sitting up, she looked down at him.

"Why do you want to know so bad? Are you ready to move on?" Eddie asked, maybe this was an opening.

"I don't know. Feels nice to know someone else likes me. And depending on who it is, I think I'm ready to give it a shot." She shrugged

"I can't say who it is, but I'll give you some hints." Y/N smiled as Eddie sat up.

"He has dark hair and dark eyes, he admires your beauty. He likes how smart and creative you are. He loves it when you laugh, it makes his heart race. He smiles whenever he thinks of you. And he's been dealing with these feelings for years." Eddie said, too lost in his confession that he was scared he gave too much away.

"So you are close friends with him?" Y/N asked, she turned her head in confusion. She would not believe that any of Eddie's friends had a crush on her.

"I think I said too much," Eddie chuckled nervously and laid back down. His head hit the pillow and he closed his eyes. "Let's go back to sleep."

Y/N thought in silence for a few seconds. She thought long and hard about what he said. The guy he described matched his appearance. Eddie always complimented her looks and laughed at all her jokes. He seemed nervous to talk about the guy, scared he said too much, which meant he was worried she would find it out. He dragged Dustin away when he brought it up, which told her he was worried Dustin would spill the beans.

"Y/N?" Eddie asked, cracking open one eye

It was Eddie

Eddie had a crush on her!

"Y/N" Eddie said again, both eyes open as he went to sit up

But Y/N pushed his body right back down as her lips smashed on his. Eddie's eyes widened in shock as her lips moved against his. Her hands were on his shoulders as she leaned down.

After his shock, he kissed her back. His hands reached up and held her hips. Their kiss grew deeper as Y/N straddled his lap. He sat up, lips still attached to hers. He moved on hand up to her head and pushed her head further into the kiss.

Y/N felt every part of her body light up with electricity. Her hands moved into his hair. Something she spent years wanting to do. His lips tasted better than she imagined. He was soft but controlling. It made her head spin.

Eddie pulled away, his eyes heavy in lust.

"That was...wow." Eddie breathed out, he blinked a thousand times. Believing if he blinked hard enough, this moment would vanish. But to his luck and prayers, she was still on his lap.

"You are the friend," she said, breathy as she still waited for air to return to her lungs

"Uh yeah," Eddie nodded

"Thank god," she smiled before her lips smashed into his again.

Tags!

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @somethingvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming @eddiemunsonsbitch69 @thegemaqua @ashlynnkennedy @strangerthingsstories5255 @harringt8ns @pleasinghellfire @whoscamila @stusdollface93 @gretavankleep37 @bellaisswagger @arlx @ineedmentalhelp123

[imababblekat]

Accidental Eavesdropping?

Anon request, "Hey!!! Love your blog and your writing style, it’s amazing and so detailed!!! Can I request Bayverse TMNT Spider-man Au, where the turtles and spider-y/n are in a battle with Bepop and rocksteady. And in the last moments of the battle, spider -y/n saves the turtles but gets unmasked in the process. (They live) If you don’t want to do that idea! You can either delete this OR A moment where the turtles start talking about y/n and they don’t even realize that they’re talking TO THEM!!! This was funny to me for some reason lol 😂"

A/N: Aw thank you, anon! ;v; I went with the second prompt, btw. Leans towards Raphael x reader, but it's mentioned/hinted that the other turts also got the feels for reader. Any who's, I hope you enjoy! <3

◌(s,p) = spider persona◌

~xXx~

You're swinging over traffic, indulging in a rather quiet night despite the sounds of honking vehicles and other night life, when a sudden warm fuzzy feeling beams from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. It's not your spidey sense per say, but something akin to it, all you know is that it's a good sense and you follow it with glee. It doesn't take long before the feeling is buzzing and you see the source of the feeling chilling atop a pizza parlor. Well, more like sources. You let out a small giggle, noticing that the four ninja turtle brothers seem to be in some sort of deep conversation or debate.

"Hey guy's, what's going on?!", you greeted, swinging in next to a steaming Raphael.

"Oh you know, just the daily sibling teasing while we wait for our pizza to be made.", Donnie shrugged, watching as you and Mikey did your secret handshake.

"Yeah? Let me guess. . ."

The eyes of your mask squinted as you pretended to skeptically look at all brothers before looking at the glaring gaze of Raphael next to you.

"Is Raphie suppressing his emotions again?", you chaffed.

Said turtle rolled his eyes, shifting his weight to one side as he growled.

"Great, just what I need. And don't call me that."

"Come on, I'm sure I can help! What's up this time big guy?"

Leo chuckled, gaining your attention while Raphael sent him a warning glare from behind you.

"Raph's got a crush on our friend."

At this your eyes widened, a small gasp escaping you as you looked between the two eldest brothers in excitement.

"No way! Who?!"

You're question went ignored as Raph threw his arms up, cheeks flushing a light hue of embarrassment.

"All I said was they smelled nice, and y'all chuckle heads suddenly think I've been struck by cupid or some mushy crap!"

"You complimented them, Raph.", came Leo's retort.

"I compliment people all the time!"

Everyone remained silent, giving the hot headed turtle deadpanned expressions.

"What? I do. Right (s,p)?", he asked turning to look down at you.

You merely shrugged.

"Sarcastically maybe."

Raph huffed, leaning back against the buildings ledge, you hoping up to sit next to him.

"So is anyone gonna tell me who this mysterious person is or nah? Come on people, I want the tea."

Mikey, idly spinning his nun-chucks, grinned widely.

"It's our friend, (y,n)!"

You sat rigid, mask eyes wide once more.

". . .Who now?"

"Oh you haven't met them.", Donnie waved off, checking his turtle made watch to see the remaining wait time on their order.

Raphael clicked his tongue, still slightly aggravated about his brothers earlier teasing. Meanwhile, you still sat frozen beside him, staring into the abyss with a racing heart.

"I still don't have a crush on them.", he muttered.

"You complimented them on their perfume!", Leo loudly pointed out once more.

"Why is that so weird?!"

The two started to banter once more, Mikey enjoying the show while Donnie threw in a few matter of facts to weigh in on Leo's side. You, however, felt never more thankful than in that moment that you wore a full face mask. If it wasn't for the coverage, surely the ninja brothers would see just how closely the color of your face matched Raphaels mask right now.

Raphael growled, fed up with his brothers ganging up on him and his definitely non-existent crush on you. If they were going to call him out, then he would do the same to them.

"Maybe you guys should get off my shell and jump on yours first! I ain't the only one whose been makin' googly eyes at (y,n)."

You just about fell off the side of the building, hands gripping the edge of where you sat, knuckles definitely white beneath your suit. What is happening right now, is all you could terrifyingly but blushingly think.

Leonardo and Donatello were quick to look anywhere but at Raph, trying their hardest to not blush themselves at their brother's call out.

"I seen the way you put on the macho charm, Leo, bowing extra deep and all your swooning romance book crap when they come over. And you, Donnie, sputtering and dropping shit when they try to help you with projects and their hand accidentally brushes against yours. And Mikey. . ."

All eyes focused in on the youngest of the bunch who sat ready and waiting to hear Raph's jest.

"Actually, Mikey you're not that surprising. You think anyone who gives you food is a gift from heaven."

"Hey, it's not my fault their cinnamon rolls are so good!.", Mikey pouted, bottom lip jutting out adorably.

Leonardo shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose before turning towards you.

"What do you think, (s,p)? Are we over analyzing or are we right?"

The boys eagerly waited for your answer, for your input. Surely someone from the outside would be able to better determine the situation the brothers found themselves in. Well. . .should have been able to more like, as the response you gave was not what they were expecting.

A rushed, "Igotgo!!!", was all they got before watching you thwip away at the speed of light, leaving the turtles to look at each other confused and quizzically.

". . .Wait, so you guys don't have a crush on (y,n) too??", Mikey questioned with furrowed brows, innocently confused by how they could not.

Raphael groaned loudly as he and his brothers devilled into another childish debate on why they totally didn't have feelings for you, a familiar smell that had sparked the argument coincidentally wafting lightly into their senses upon the wind in the direction of which you swung off.

~xXx~

[hellodarling1357]

#26 for the Cassian thing where reader is an IC member too and maybe them and Cassian have been seeing each other in secret for a while but Cass doesn't wanna tell anyone yet because he doesn't wanna mess up the dynamic or make things awkward for the rest of them but then all the stuff happens and Nesta comes along and reader's just sad and pissed because they're worried Cass is in love with Nesta now and secret plot twist oh no reader knows them and Cass are mates but it hasn't snapped for him yet so reader is losing it inside but obviously they can't tell any of their closest friends because Cassian still wants it to be a secret

even if you don't want to write this I hope you're having a great day/night ✩

Forever Tied - Cassian x Reader

Hello hello 🥰

The original prompt list I reblogged has disappeared for some reason so now I have no idea what #26 actually was but I did my best with the request you sent me so hopefully this still works, sorry Anon! I've made it extra long to make up for it!

Hope you enjoy!

Word Count: 9.3k

Rhys was trapped Under the Mountain and there was nothing you could do to help. You had crumbled upon hearing his voice in your mind that last time, having no idea what this meant for your friend, your court, or even for Prythian. You hadn’t even realised you had fallen to your knees until a familiar, warm body had knelt next to you and pulled you into their shaking arms.

Cassian had been in the city centre of Velaris when he had heard, all plans for the day disappearing as the realisation of what had happened hit him full blast. Without thinking, he flew back to the House of Wind, unable and unwilling to process this alone. Although, subconsciously, there was really only one person he wanted to be with in that moment. Azriel would have distanced himself upon hearing the news, Amren was at her apartment, and Mor was at the town house, leaving only you in the House of Wind.

He stumbled in his rush as he landed on the balcony and raced inside. His heart broke even further at the sounds of muffled sobs that echoed towards him. In a blind haze he followed the sounds and found you on the ground, as though your legs had completely given out, unable to bare the weight of what had occurred. Without thinking, Cassian was beside you, pulling you into his arms as he rubbed soothing circles across your back, despite the way his own hands shook as tears threatened to burn at his eyes.

Your breathing eventually evened out, the only trace of your tears were the tracks along your cheeks and the redness of your eyes. Turning in his arms, you looked up at Cassian as though only just properly noticing that he was the comforting, warm presence that brought you back from your distressed state.

“We have to do something,” Your voice was a croaked whisper, “I know he said he put up a shield, but there has to be something we can do to help.”

The shaky inhale of Cassian’s breath told you enough. He didn’t think there was anything that could be done. Truthfully, you didn’t either.

You looked at your friend in awe as a singular tear streaked down his face, followed by another, and another. In all the centuries you had been friends, the sight of the male in front of you crying was one you had very rarely witnessed.

“Cass,” You lifted a hand to his face, gently brushing away his tears. Cassian was always the one who held everyone and everything together, and if this was the one time he openly showed he needed someone else to keep from falling apart, you would more than willingly be that person for him. “It’s going to be okay, alright? We’ll figure something out. And Rhys… well, it’s Rhys. He’s going to be just fine.”

The watery smile you gave him didn’t quite meet your eyes, the expression quickly replaced with alarm as Cassian’s breathing quickened, eyes screwed shut as though trying to compose himself. This you had never seen. Cassian completely losing control, his body shaking against yours as sobs escaped his throat.

“He’s gone,” The strangled sound that came from him had your heart splitting in two. “Amarantha, she will…she’s already…” He couldn’t seem to find the words, or couldn’t bear the thought of saying what was running through his head with Amarantha being involved.

“We’ll get him back.” You soothed, hands reaching up as you guided his head into the crook of your neck, fingers running through his dark wave of hair.

But he wasn’t calming, if anything, Cassian found himself spiralling further and further out of control, the emotions and the ‘what ifs’ sending him into a state of panic where even your comforting presence could do nothing to sooth his hyperventilating breaths, the tears, and the shaking that racked through him.

“Cass?” You pulled back, trying to force him to look at you. “Cassian? Hey, I need you to open your eyes, just focus on me, okay? There you go. Now just take in one deep breathe, alright? Just one, that’s all I need you to do. Okay, and again. You’re alright. We’re alright.”

Cassian’s hazel eyes stared into yours as you talked him through his breathing, your hands soothingly moving up and down his arms as you knelt in front of him and offered a comforting smile as you watched his panic slowly ebb away.

“Y/N, I­—" Cassian started, eyes wide as he gulped and continued staring at you. Before you could blink or react in anyway, he was surging forward; one hand coming up to rest at the back of your neck, the other was gently placed on your thigh, and then his lips were hurriedly pressed against yours. You stilled and tensed in his grasp, it was all too much after everything else that had happened, but still… Maybe a distraction is what you both needed. So instead of pulling away, you leant into him, wrapping your arms around his neck to bring him even closer, and kissing him back with such an urgency that a moan sounded in the back of his throat.

“Y/N,” he muttered against your lips, forehead resting against your own, his breath brushing across your face as it came out in heavy pants.

You just shushed him, also refusing to move too far away. “I know, it’s fine. Just a distraction.”

He looked at you for one more blink and then hungrily pressed against you, this time lowering you to the floor, his muscled body hovering over yours as you lost yourselves in the moment, desperate to forget what had happened and all that was yet to transpire.

*****

Afterwards, you lay on the floor next to one another in the, now dark, room. The combination of your heavy breathes were the only sounds that broke through the silence.

Cassian let out a sigh followed by a chuckle, “Well that was one hell of a distraction.”

You turned your head to look at him and let out a quiet, breathless laugh. Yes, it had been a momentary distraction but now what had happened to Rhys, to Prythian, hung heavy in the room. Cassian turned on his side, leaning up on one arm as he faced you, taking in your still flushed, blissed out expression that now had something akin to pain creeping across it.

“Hey,” He gently grabbed your hand and soothed his thumb across the back of it. “Like you said, we’re alright. And we will get him back.”

You nodded at him then pulled yourself up, tugging your shirt back on before throwing Cassian his discarded clothes.

“Come on, we should find the others. Try to figure something out.”

*****

And that was that.

There was no mention of what had happened between the two of you. No comment on the fact that it had been, without a doubt, and despite the current situation you found yourselves in, the best sex either of you had ever had.

No, even when it happened again three weeks later, and then one week after that, and four days after that, again, and again, and again, it remained an unspoken agreement between the two of you. That momentary distraction where you could lose yourselves in the pleasure of one another and forget about the mess you were left to deal with.

That was how it worked for the next few years. You and Cassian falling into a routine of comfort that you were unable, unwilling, to get from anyone else. You had no idea if the rest of the Inner Circle were aware of what was going on; in terms of your friendship, nothing had changed, there were just additional benefits that came with it now. It didn’t mean anything more.

That is, of course, until your routine had morphed into something that felt like it was on the precipice of something else.

The sex was just as mind-blowingly passionate, however, there were now some instances where it was a bit slower and less frantic, more whispered words and lingering touches. Where the two of you used to chat afterwards, an arm’s worth of distance between you as you slipped back into your normal friendship until the other one left to return to their own room, you now found yourselves wrapped up in each other’s arms, hands softly caressing skin until you both drifted into a restful sleep.

Which is where you now found yourself; wrapped up in Cassian’s arms as he softly snored against you, hand tightly holding onto yours and legs tangled together. You eased out of his grasp, careful not to disturb him and lent against the headboard with a sigh. Usually, you would wake the next morning, offer a small smile, then get on with your day, Rhys’ absence still a clear focus for you all. However, lately you had found yourself letting your mind drift more and more, especially in moments like these where Cassian was still beside you and the bubble you lost yourselves in was yet to be broken.

Each and every time you hated yourself for it, guilt taking over until you forcefully pushed the thoughts away, but you couldn’t help but think that, at some point, you all needed to continue your lives and break away from the standstill existence you had been in since Amarantha took over.

You would never say it out loud, but as the years went on, you had lost all hope of ever getting Rhys back. And if that were the case, and as much as you wished it weren’t, at some point you had to start living for yourselves again. Deep down, in the dark and quiet moments when you awoke and the house was fast asleep, you knew exactly what you wanted that life to look like.

You let out another sigh and looked at Cassian, softly brushing some stray hair away from his face and taking the time to really study his sleep-softened features. You hadn’t meant for it to get this far, but after centuries of friendship, and now the years of intimacy you had shared, the love you felt for Cassian had grown and taken form into a whole different avenue of affection. You were in love with him. You loved him and your heart ached at the thought of it because if you allowed yourself this one bit of happiness into your life, the solidarity and support that Cassian provided, then you couldn’t help but think of it as forgetting about Rhys and the torture he had been enduring whilst you were slowly and deeply falling head over heels with one of your best friends.

The worst part of it was that you were certain Cassian felt the same way about you. The way he held you and touched you, the words he whispered into your ear as you were both tangled, panting messes and then the dazed murmurings that were uttered into the silence afterwards, the longing glances he would give you when the others weren’t looking…

What had started as a desperate distraction and pure, physical need had grown into something so much more meaningful and intimate. And yet you both refused to acknowledge that it was anything other than sex as a means to cope with the instability in your lives.

“Hey,” You hadn’t realised Cassian had stirred, his gruff, sleep-filled voice tearing you away from your thoughts.

“Y/N?” Your expression pulled in confusion at the sudden worry in his voice as he sat up and grasped your hand. “Y/N, what’s wrong?”

It wasn’t until his fingers were reaching up to brush away the tears on your cheeks that you realised you had been silently crying.

“I… I don’t know.” You said with a slight sniffle.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Cassian pulled you into his lap, your head resting on his chest as he pressed kisses to the top of your head and rubbed soothing patterns across your back. The unfairness of the situation had you stifling a small sob, Cassian’s embrace reminding you of exactly what you were missing.

“Want to talk about it?” He murmured into your hair, followed by another kiss.

Whether it was the build-up of emotions or your complete and utter exhaustion, you didn’t know and didn’t care. You sat up in Cassian’s arms, desperately looking for any form of confirmation that what you were about to say wouldn’t ruin everything, then took a deep breath.

“This…whatever this is between us, I can’t keep doing it. Not how it is now,” You were too caught up to notice the heartbroken expression that flashed across his face.

Cassian had willingly fallen into this arrangement and would happily continue to do so if it meant he could pretend, even for just a few hours a day, that you were his, and he was yours. There had always been a part of him that had been completely and utterly in love with you. And then when he found out Rhys had been trapped by Amarantha, his emotions had been a surging mess, so he acted on instinct and a selfish need for the upmost form of comfort and risked it all by kissing you. Now the thought that this one bit of joy he allowed himself was being ripped away, another thing he would be losing, sent his heart racing as he waited for the final blow of your words.

“It hurts too much.” You continued, looking down at your intertwined hands before pulling away.

Cassian looked up at you in confusion, “What hurts too much?”

“This. Us,” A shaky laugh escaped you as you gestured to the empty space between you, throwing all caution to the wind as you said, “I can’t keep pretending that this isn’t anything more than a distraction. Not when I have fallen so deeply in love with you that the thought of never…”

You were cut off by Cassian all but picking you up and kissing you with such passion that you couldn’t stop your toes from curling or the small whimper that escaped your throat.

“You love me?” His voice was breathless and gravelly, barely above a whisper. You opened your eyes, his forehead rested against yours, eyes squeezed shut as though trying to hold onto the moment.

“Yes.”

A joyful laugh sounded from him and reverberated through you as his lips found yours again, tongue trailing along your bottom lip before you parted them for him.

Your mind was racing yet you couldn’t form a coherent thought, pulling away in a desperate attempt to catch your breath.

“Good.”

“Cass?”

“Good. Because I have loved you since we first met and I can’t lose you, not now.”

You grinned at him before pulling his face down to meet yours and slamming your lips to his. You had thought that maybe, just maybe, he had been starting to feel something that was more than friendship too. But the idea of him loving you for that long made your heart skip a beat and had butterflies fluttering up a storm in your stomach.

“I feel horrible,” You admitted, quick to clarify at the affronted look Cassian gave you. “It just feels wrong, like we’re betraying Rhys. We don’t…we don’t even know if he is alive, Cass. I want this, with you, more than anything. But it doesn’t feel right while everything is so…” You trailed off, unable to meet his gaze as Cassian watched you with a look of contemplation.

“So we don’t say anything. We can keep it between us, at least for now. We’ve gotten this far without the others asking questions. I love you, so much, and as much as I want everyone to know, I get what you mean. So we don’t say anything until we get him back. And we will get him back, I know we will. Alright?" You nodded; eyes wide as you grasped his calloused hands in yours.

“Besides, I basically sleep here every night anyway. Nothing will really change between us, just that I can now tell you and show you that I love you, instead of having to force the words down every time you so much as look at me.” A blush spread across your cheeks at his words and the wink that followed, but you didn’t care to hide it, instead simply giving him a dazzling smile that sent his heart racing.

He pulled you in for another kiss, murmuring “I love you” as he guided you back down onto the mattress.

“I love you too—" But a loud yawn escaped your mouth, cutting off the rest of your words and sending you into a small fit of giggles.

“Alright, we’ll continue this tomorrow,” Cassian now laughed with you. “Come on, it’s late. Get some sleep.”

You wrapped your arms around him, nuzzling your face into his chest, the comforting and familiar scent had you drifting off in a matter of minutes.

*****

Cassian had been right, not a lot in your dynamic had changed over the years after that night, other than the giddying comfort of knowing that he was yours, and you were his. You weren’t foolish enough to think that the others hadn’t picked up on the slight shift, especially when Cassian had waltzed out of your room one morning only to come face to face with Azriel. You just assumed that they thought you were sleeping together, nothing more.

Then when Rhys returned, you had been, obviously, overjoyed. Not wanting to bombard him with too much on his first night back, you and Cassian had decided later that night once you were back in your room, to hold off on saying anything about your relationship until Rhys had settled back in.

Then everything else had happened.

The arrival of Feyre and her sisters. Hybern and the cauldron. The war and near fatal injuries spread throughout your tight-knit group. It was all too much.

You and Cassian had been discussing back and forth for months: do you tell them or keep hiding it. Ultimately, keeping your relationship secret is what you always landed on. Honestly, you weren’t sure if you were just finding excuses at this point to keep yourselves in your happy little bubble when so much threated to burst it.

Initially, you hadn’t wanted to rub your relationship in Rhys’ face when he was so clearly pining after Feyre who wanted nothing to do with him. Then their mating bond clicked, and you didn’t want to take away or overshadow their happiness with your own. The threat from Hybern felt like you would be playing with fire; if the King of Hybern found out… it was too great a risk when your enemies could use it against you.

Between it all, you still found time to be together; not once did the love you felt for one another falter. But with each excuse, and with each passing month, the decision wore on you more and more.

And then Rhys asked Cassian to take on Nesta.

You felt for her, you really did, but the time and energy Cassian put into helping her had a pit forming in your stomach. At the end of each day, when you were tucked tightly into his chest and his sweet nothings were whispered across your bare skin, you felt silly for ever thinking that he was losing interest in you. Yet, that feeling lingered just that little bit longer with each passing day and with each moment spent away from him when he was, instead, occupied with her.

*****

You had been away in the Summer Court the night that Nesta had hallucinated about being back in the cauldron. After you finished reporting to Rhys upon your return the following night, he had told you what had happened with her silver flames and how Cassian had managed to bring her out of it. With worry for all of them, you got back to the House of Wind as soon as you could but couldn’t find Cassian, Azriel, or Nesta anywhere. It wasn’t until later when you were getting ready for bed that there was a knock on your bedroom door. What you didn’t expect was to find Cassian on the other side of it, you weren’t sure why he suddenly decided to start knocking on the door to the room you had shared for the past 50 years.

With a quizzical look you pulled him inside the room and lent up on your toes to press a soft kiss to his lips that had him instantly wrapping his arms around your frame to pull you in tighter against him.

“I missed you,” he murmured against your skin, trailing lingering kisses down your neck that had a soft moan escaping you.

“I missed you. Rhys told me what happened here, are you alright? Is Nesta?”

Cassian pulled back, pressing another kiss to your lips then the tip of your nose before grabbing your hands and leading you to the couch by the fireplace.

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” You remained silent, your doubt erupting in you as you waited for him to continue with bated breath. “We moved her to a closer room, next door to our, your, room, so that if something like that happens again one of us will know straight away.”

Cassian pulled back slightly, studying your features as though waiting for a reaction. You expression remained impassive; you could feel the other shoe about to drop and wanted him to tell you without beating around the bush.

“But,” He sighed, lifting your hand up and pressing a kiss to it, “I think, just for now, at least until things calm down a bit, I should go back to sleeping in my old room.”

“No.”

“Y/N – “

“No, Cassian,” You were shaking your head at him, not caring if you sounded needy or whiny or any of it. “This is the only time we can just be us. It’s already hard enough with keeping it a secret from everyone, I can’t lose this.”

“We decided, together, to keep this between us, there’s too much going on. And I don’t think Nesta will appreciate hearing us through the walls…” You cut him off with a scoff.

“Are you fucking serious, Cass? Are you worried about everyone finding out, or are you worried about Nesta finding out?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I never get to see you because you’re always with her. And now, because of her again, everything that our relationship is needs to go on hold? It’s not fair that after 50 years all I get is a few hours at the end of the day and to be kept your secret from everyone we care about.” You spat the word, all your emotions and fears finally bubbling over, however irrational they may be, but you had had enough.

“Sweetheart, we agreed that it’s for the best that we keep this between ourselves – “

“Well, I don’t agree anymore, Cass. I don’t want it like this. And don’t condescend me.” Your voice had a sharp snap to it. You needed something. Needed something other than the heartbreak that you could feel fast approaching; and a fight sounded like the next best thing.

“I’m not being condescending,” You could sense Cassian’s temper rising. “You can’t suddenly be angry because you’ve changed your mind without saying anything to me. And Nesta has nothing to do with this, it’s for...”

But the rest of his words became a blur at the sudden, incessant tug that pulled at your chest; that pulled you towards the male in front of you.

He was your mate.

Cassian was your mate.

You couldn’t do this, not now when you were in the middle of a fight. Not when Cassian didn’t even seem to be aware – or seem to care, a small voice taunted – of what had just happened. You needed to get away from him, to calm down and think before it could get even more out of hand.

“Cassian, just… Whatever, it’s fine. I’m tired, so just go back to your room, okay? We’ll figure the rest out later. I’m just…tired.” You finished lamely, voice cracking slightly as you watched him look you over, his frustration still evident, before walking out and loudly shutting the door behind him.

You slumped down, holding your knees to your chest as the sobs began. You had thought, had hoped, that Cassian was your mate. But this wasn’t how it was meant to go. Not mid-fight, with him having no idea of the bond’s existence while telling you he no longer wants to share your bed.

Having been so caught up in your thoughts and the overflooding emotions, you missed the flickering of shadows that darted around you. Moments later there was another knock on your door. Wiping your eyes, you called out in a chocked voice, “come in,” assuming it was Cassian.

Instead, Azriel quickly opened the door, closing it just as fast, before taking in the sight before him and making his way over to you.

“Y/N?” You could only sniffle in response, gratefully leaning against his side when his arm wrapped around you. “You alright?”

You remained silent for a few minutes, focusing on Azriel’s comforting hand brushing up and down your arm as you worked to control your breathing and halt your tears.

“I’m fine.” Your voice was hoarse and not at all convincing.

“Want to try that again?” You sent your elbow into his ribs, making the Shadowsinger chuckle before pressing a chaste kiss to the top of your head.

With a sigh he asked, “This has nothing to do with the fact that Cassian is suddenly sleeping in his room for the first time in, what? 50 years?”

You gaped up at your friend in shock and at a loss for words.

“You knew?

“Of course I knew. I live here too, remember? As subtle as you might think you’re being, I’ve got these,” His shadows danced around, reminding you that it was stupid to even entertain the idea that Azriel wouldn’t know.

“Oh,” A fresh set of tears filled your eyes and you stared intently into the flickering fire.

“Can you please take me to the town house? I don’t… I can’t be here.” Despite the late hour, you knew he would do anything for you in a heartbeat. While you and Cassian had been friends for decades before anything more had happened, you and Az had been close from the start, instant friends as soon as you had met.

“Of course.”

He waited for you by your bedroom door as you pulled together a small bag of your belongings, not knowing when you would be back.

“Ready?”

“Ready.”

You didn’t turn to give the room that held so many memories a final glance as you shut the door behind you and followed Azriel out onto the balcony.

*****

Thankfully, the town house was dark and empty when you arrived, giving you the space and silence to process your thoughts and feelings. You had thanked Azriel for flying you over and had said a quick goodnight before you walked inside and headed upstairs.

Sitting on your bed, you vacantly stared at the wall, lost in thought as the minutes ticked by. You jumped at the sudden dip of the mattress beside you, only to find Azriel sitting there fixing you with a look of concern, a steaming cup of tea extended towards you.

“Thanks,” You murmured, taking a sip and revelling in the slight burn as the liquid went down your throat. “I thought you went home.”

“Not yet. Didn’t want to leave you alone like this.” There was a beat of silence before, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No,”

You let out a weary sigh, content on sitting in silence but your thoughts quickly became too much, and you found yourself blurting out, “He’s my mate.”

Azriel whipped around to face you, shock coating his features.

“What? They didn’t tell you?” You gestured to the shadows that skittered around him with a sad smile.

“For how long? I thought you were just sleeping together.” He trailed off, giving you an uncharacteristically sheepish expression as you let out a somewhat bitter laugh.

“It started that way, when Rhys…left,” You whispered, revelling in finally telling someone even though it may well be over. “It was a distraction from the shit show that was going on, but then it just kept happening.” Azriel remained silent, letting you talk.

“A few years in, I realised I had fallen in love with him,” you voice cracked but you kept going, “Then he told me he loved me too. Said he had for a while.”

Azriel chuckled lightly, “That’s an understatement. He was infatuated with you from the moment you met. I knew something was going on or something had at least happened when he suddenly stopped talking to me about you whenever you weren’t there.”

Tears rolled down your cheeks at his words, but with a look and a comforting squeeze of his hand, you let out a shuddering breath and continued, “That was five years into Rhys being gone, and we’ve been together ever since.”

“Five years into… But Y/N, how? That means for over 45 years, the two of you have been…” You sniffed as he put the math together and watched as his eyes widened at the realisation. “How come you never told us?”

“We felt guilty that we found some type of happiness together when Rhys was trapped – “

“He wouldn’t have cared. He would have been happy for you; for both of you” Azriel interjected.

“I know,” You smiled sadly, “But it just didn’t feel right. And then he got back, and everything with Feyre and Hybern happened – it was never the right time.”

You could tell he was still confused, hurt even, about the two of you keeping your relationship private for so long, but he didn’t push you.

“I don’t know how I missed it.” He said, seemingly to himself.

“You only half missed it,” You joked, nudging his arm to try to ease the tension in the room. “We tried to act the same, things were just different when we were alone.”

“When did you realise you were mates?” You inhaled sharply, your earlier fight rushing back to you.

“Tonight. We were arguing and I just felt this tug and knew. He doesn’t know – at least I don’t think he knows.” You voiced your doubts, the weight of them getting the better of you.

“If he knew, he would refuse to leave your side. It just hasn’t snapped into place for him yet.” You gave your friend an appreciative smile and lent your head on his shoulder.

“I’m so tired.”

“Go to sleep. I’ll come back in the morning to check on you. You’re alright here?”

“Thanks Az.” He pressed a kiss to the top of your head before leaving the room; leaving you alone to finally mull over the fight, your emotions, and the fact that Cassian was your mate.

*****

“What’s up with you?” Mor plopped into the seat beside you, handing you a glass of wine that you gratefully took.

“Nothing,” You quickly murmured as the others traipsed into the dining room. You were aware of Cassian edging towards you and held in a sigh of relief when Azriel suddenly appeared in the seat on your other side.

It had been a week since you left the House of Wind to stay at the town house. A week since your fight with Cassian when you realised exactly what he was to you. Yet you couldn’t bring yourself to meet his eye. Despite his best efforts to get you alone over the past few days, you conveniently managed to slip away every time. Tonight’s family dinner was the closest you had been to him all week, the realisation only making your longing for him even more dire – especially now that you were aware of that insistent tug that pulled you towards him.

Dinner was no different to how it usually went, except for the fact that you hardly said a word, opting to keep your eyes focused on the food in front of you. You were so caught up in your own thoughts that you didn’t notice that Cassian also didn’t utter a single word throughout the meal, the only difference between you both was that his eyes were fixed on you, not his plate.

You jumped up as soon as everyone had finished eating, wanting to help clear the plates so you could get out and go home as soon as possible, not wanting to prolong the night for any longer than it needed to be. Too bad for you, Cassian was acutely attuned to your movements and jumped out of his seat seconds after to help in a desperate attempt to have at least one moment to talk to you.

Filling the sink with hot, soapy water, you sensed, rather than saw, Cassian follow you into the kitchen, body tensing up as he silently walked to your side. You worked in silence, scrapping dishes, washing plates, drying, and putting away. Cassian’s eyes were fixed on you, brows furrowing further with every passing moment you continued to ignore him.

“Y/N,” His voice was quiet, unsure. So different to his usual tone that it had you involuntarily turning to face him. Your heart stammered in your chest, the longing and hurt and confusion that had been tearing you apart in your time away from him threatened to burst as you finally met his hazel stare. “Are you… Are we okay? You just left and I had to find out from Az that you’re staying at the town house and now you can barely even look at me.”

His words came out hurried, frantic, as though if he spoke any slower you would disappear. Guilt flooded you at the hurt you found in his eyes, but your anger was still very much present, the lingering fear of him choosing Nesta over you held too strong for you to succumb to those feelings of guilt.

“I just need some time.” Voice barely above a whisper, you inwardly cursed as your vision blurred over with tears.

“Time for what? Y/N I don’t know what’s going on–”

“You both okay?”

Neither you nor Cassian heard Azriel approach, both turning to gape at your friend who hesitantly stood in the doorway.

“Fine. Just fine.” You pushed past him on your way out, not giving Cassian a second glance as you entered the spacious loungeroom to say goodnight to everyone. A few moments later the pair walked in after you, you missed the loaded glances they shared, not privy to the hurried conversation they had after you left the kitchen where Cassian had all but begged Azriel to intervene, to allow him the chance to finally talk to you.

“Hey, Y/N?” You turned to look expectantly at Azriel. “Did you still need me to fly you up to the House of Wind for that book?”

“Oh. Yeah, if that’s alright?” In your rush to get away the night you left you had forgotten to pack the next book you had been planning to read.

“Does tonight work? If you’re just about to head off…”

“Sure, I was just going to go…home.” Your voice trailed at the end, willing the blush away as you kept your head held high. You felt as though you didn’t know what home was anymore.

“Great, Cassian was just about to leave as well. He’ll take you up there.” With a clap to Cassian’s shoulder, Azriel sauntered over to where Rhys and Amren were talking, brushing off their questioning glances as he pointedly ignored you, allowing no room for dispute.

“Oh…”

“Is that alright?” You tensed at Cassian’s voice, glancing over your shoulder to find his wary eyes on you. It wasn’t like you could say no, it was not alright, without making a scene. You would be having words with Azriel the next time you saw him; judging by the slight smirk he was wearing, he seemed to assume just as much.

“Erm, yes. If that’s okay?” Cassian simply nodded before gesturing to the front door and, after another quick goodbye to everyone, you found yourselves outside. Another fumbled moment, then you were held tightly in Cassian’s arms with the rush of the crisp night air and an uncomfortable silence engulfing you both as he flew you towards the House of Wind.

You couldn’t stand the awkwardness. It had never been like this between the two of you and you hated that this is what it had come to. The relationship you shared, whether that be friendship or more, it had always come so naturally. Now you were faced with a stilted, tense atmosphere, not quite knowing what to say or where you stood. Then there had been the fight. Sure, you had argued before, after decades of knowing each other, you were bound to come into some disagreements along the way. But you had never had a fight like this, where you had both been so riled up, fuming at the other to the point where you had both stormed away and then not spoken for days. You hated it.

So caught up in your thoughts, you missed the slight detour Cassian was taking you on, only noticing once you were placed back on your feet and found yourself in the middle of the training ring, rather than the usual balcony that led into the house itself.

“What…”

“We’re hashing this out. Right now.”

“You want to…fight?”

“What?” Cassian did a double take, as if just connecting the location with why you would think that. “No, I don’t want to fight. That’s the problem, we are fighting. This just seemed like the most private place to work things out.”

You eyed him hesitantly, not knowing what you wanted your next step to be, especially when the urge to wrap your arms around him and inhale the scent that was so him, the scent that had become home, was so strong.

“So, words or swords?” Your eyes snapped to Cassian as he fiddled with the one of the discarded swords you usually sparred with.

Words

You wanted words. To talk this all out and be done with it, whichever way that turned out to be. But then an image flashed across your mind; an image of Cassian standing up here with Nesta, hands guiding her into the correct form, fingers shifting along her own to straighten her hold on the blade…

Without a single word, you walked to where Cassian was and hauled your own blade up.

“Okay then.” There was a slight smirk on Cassian’s face as he followed behind you into the centre of the training ring. The quirk of his eyebrow was all you needed before you were moving towards him, swords meeting with a clash that pierced the night.

You didn’t think about the moves you were making, giving way to centuries of refined and well-practiced instinct. Cassian was stronger, you knew he would hold out for longer, but you were well matched for now. Both of your foreheads started to sheen in sweat, pants of exertion echoed alongside the clank and clash of swords, and as you moved around and against one another, you finally let out all of your pent-up emotions until you had nothing left.

“I can’t…I can’t do this anymore.” You gasped before dropping the sword and falling to your knees, tears streamed down your face at the sudden emotional outlet. Cassian was by your side in an instant, his sword dropped to the ground in a ricochetting crash.

“Y/N,” His voice was alert, on-edge, eyes dancing over you as he tried to work out what was wrong. “Are you hurt?” The frantic tone now had sobs racking from your chest, shaking your head you surged forward, wrapping your arms around his neck as you cried and cried and cried. Without a second thought, Cassian had his arms around you, pulling you into his lap as he softly caressed your back and whispered soothing words into your ear.

He stayed silent, giving you the time and space to calm down and filter through your thoughts. Not once rushing you or demanding answers after a week of uncertainty.

“I’m sorry, Cass. I’m so fucking sorry, for everything. I just…” At least you managed to get a few words out before you were overcome with tears once again. You weren’t sure what they were for at this point with so many thoughts and scenarios racing through your head: the fight, Cassian being your mate, Cassian getting close with Nesta, Cassian leaving you, Cassian leaving you for Nesta, and then you being forced to watch them be together, knowing you couldn’t stand the thought of him not being in your life, in whatever capacity you were granted.

“Shhh,” He soothed, pressing a kiss to the top of your head as he softly rocked you back and forth. “It’s okay, it’s okay.”

With a deep breath, you nodded against his chest in an attempt to compose yourself. Noting in the position you were in, you could have laughed if you weren’t feeling so empty and deflated; this is how you had both gotten into this in the first place, all those years ago when you thought you would never see Rhys again – both of you with your arms around each other, crying and saying everything was going to be okay. Only this time, you weren’t so sure if the strength of your relationship would hold.

“Please, talk to me, Y/N. What’s going through that head of yours.”

You couldn’t take not knowing what was going to happen any longer. So with a final sniffle, you leant back, sitting on the ground beside him and pulling your knees up to your chest as you held your arms tightly around yourself.

“I don’t know where to start…”

“What about when you decided you wanted the others to know?” There was no malice in his voice, only gentle concern that prodded you to continue.

“I’ve always wanted the others to know,” You ignored Cassian’s slight indignation, “But it was never the right time, what with everything that was happening then, and everything that’s happened since. It felt like the right decision at the time, it felt safe. It was nice knowing that this was just for us when so much was going wrong. But I want to be with you outside of our room. I want to be able to hold your hand and walk through Velaris, kiss you in front of our friends, not pretend that you don’t mean the world to me, because you do Cassian.”

He remained quiet, letting you talk and giving you the space to get everything off your chest but the lingering presence of his hand drawing soothing circles across your back had you feeling grounded. “I love you and the thought of losing you has been tearing me apart.” You winced at the tremor in your voice, gaze fixed on the ground in front of you.

You didn’t dare mention the fact that you were mates. Not yet. He deserved the chance to properly say what needed to be said, without the cauldron’s interference tying him down if he did, in fact, want to leave.

“Why do you think you’re losing me?” Cassian’s voice was quiet and contemplative, as though processing everything you had said but not quite connecting the dots. The kiss to the side of your head had you inhaling a shaky breath and you forced yourself to will away the tears that threatened to spill.

“We’ve been so distant lately; we never get to see each other. And, look, I know it’s for Rhys, but I’m away all the time, and you’re always with Nesta. Then the other night when you said you didn’t want to share our room anymore, and that you were afraid she would find out… I don’t know, I guess it all just became too much.” You could feel his eyes on you but the blush burning your cheeks had you refusing to meet his gaze.

A moment later, Cassian softly said, “I never said I didn’t want to share a room with you, believe me, I want to spend every moment I can with you–” You made a noise of protest, but Cassian gently shushed you before continuing. “But Rhys and Feyre need Nesta to be okay and he’s given that job to me. I should’ve spoken to you about it first or explained it better when I said I was going to sleep in my old room. But you saw what Nesta was like before we got her up here, I didn’t think her seeing, or hearing, us together would be all that helpful – especially when she was using sex as a way to cope with everything.”

“Oh…” You felt stupid. Stupid and selfish and completely undeserving of the amazing, considerate male beside you.

“And,” Cassan continued with a playful nudge of his shoulder, “You have no idea how much I want everyone to know about us. No idea how hard it has been to not tell everyone that this amazing, brilliant, strong, kind female is mine. And just how hard it has been seeing other males so much as look at you without being able to say anything to them.”

You still couldn’t tear your eyes from the ground in front of you, but Cassian noticed the soft smile tugging at your lips.

“Cauldron, if you want, I can fly us back to the River House right now. We can tell everyone exactly what’s been going on, you can kiss me in front of all of our friends then we can go into Velaris, I’ll even let you hold my hand as we walk around.” Another playful nudge had you softly chuckling, eyes finally darting over to look at Cassian. Your heart faltered at the expression on his face, the complete love and adoration that laced his features as he watched you, his own mouth pulling into a smile at the laugh he managed to pull from you.

“Yeah?” Your voice was still slightly hoarse from your previous tears, but it was a touch lighter. You felt lighter.

“Yeah.” Cassian stretched his legs out in front of him, wrapping one arm around your waist as he pulled you closer to him, leaning back on the other.

Still, some doubt lingered. It couldn’t be this easy. Things were never this easy.

“So, you’re not going to leave me?” You couldn’t remember the last time you felt shy in front of him, and you hated yourself for asking, hated that he might think you weak, needy, pathetic – the words raced around, threatening to send you into a panic.

“Never,” That one word had you relaxing immediately. “You would have to force me to leave you, and even then… I’m not going aware, Sweetheart.”

You could have melted at his words. You swore you did as you leant against him, letting out a small sigh of relief, a breath you had been holding for days, weeks, months.

“Y/N?” His voice sent a shiver down your spine, the words whispered into your ear as his breath fanned across your skin. “Can I please kiss you now?”

You tilted your head up to face him, a small smile gracing your features as he slanted his lips over your own and you immediately felt as though you had returned home.

Pulling away all too quickly, your lips desperately chased his, only to receive a playful peck in response before Cassian was helping you to your feet.

“Come on,”

“Cass?” You laugh was laced with confusion, yet you followed him anyway, watching as he picked up the discarded sparring swords and placing them back alongside the others.

“What? We’ve got some news to share,” He stole another quick kiss as he laced your hands together.

“Now?”

“Yes now,” He mocked with a playful grin, “I don’t want to waste another moment, especially when it has you feeling as though–”

The abrupt stop to Cassian’s words had the smile slipping from your face as you took in his wide eyes and startled expression.

“Cassian, what’s wrong?”

“Y/N… You’re…” He let out a disbelieving laugh as he continued to stare at you, drinking in every feature, every miniscule detail and expression that crossed your face. Turning your head, you tried to look around for the cause of his sudden change in demeanour, only to be met with gentle, yet calloused, hands cupping your face, urging you to meet his gaze before his lips were pressed over yours again.

Despite the confusion, you gratefully accepted and leant into the kiss, relaxing as his arms draped around your waist and as you let your fingers travel up his neck before tangling into his hair. Cassian was breathing heavily when he pulled away, you could hear the pounding of his heart as he pressed his forehead against yours. His eyes remained tightly shut, the feel of his lashes fluttering across your skin sent your own heart fluttering in response.

Then he mumbled something incoherently; too quiet and smothered for you to even begin to comprehend.

“Hmm?” You asked, pressing a lingering kiss to the corner of his mouth as you ran your fingers through his hair.

Another murmur had you pulling away, eyebrows furrowing as you took in his dumbfounded expression and the way his eyes were still tightly shut. But there was now a smile tugging at his lips.

“Cass?”

“Mate. You’re my mate.” His eyes snapped open, revealing complete, utter joy as he stared at you with wonder and bewilderment.

Oh. Right.

“And you’re my mate.” At least you didn’t have to keep this to yourself any longer.

Cassian tilted his head as he processed your reaction and the way your lips spread into a soft, loving smile.

“You knew. You already knew.” Although his voice was laced with exasperation, his face held nothing but love and giddy excitement, eyes bright as he met yours. You sent a wave of affirmation down the newly linked bond, watching with joy as Cassian’s eyes lit up even further at the sensation. You knew you were grinning just as stupidly back at him when you felt a tug of your own filled with nothing but love.

The two of you stood there grinning and staring at one another as though seeing the other in a new light. Then you were both moving, arms a flurry as they desperately wrapped around the other, lips meeting in a loving and passionate kiss that only intensified with each tug that raced down the bond, igniting the need for more, so much more.

A gentle tap from Cassian and you were quick to jump up, wrapping your legs around his waist as his arms held you tightly against him. Through the kisses and moans and soft sighs, somehow Cassian found himself moving, walking the two of you to the door that would lead you inside and to your room.

“Wait,” You pulled back, gasping for air as you leant your forehead against his, legs still tightly wrapped around his middle. Cassian was panting just as heavily, waiting on your every move and word. “Kitchen.”

The suggestive grin he shot you went straight to your core, the feeling only amplified as he attached his lips to your neck. “I think I like where this is heading,” A soft moan sounded in the back of your throat as he tugged on your earlobe, then he was walking again, albeit very quickly, towards the kitchen, his lips back on yours.

“No, idiot,” Another moan had your breathless words halting immediately. “Food.”

Now Cassian pulled away, looking at you through the haze of love and lust, now tainted by a hint of confusion.

“Food,” You continued, pressing a kiss to his lips before trailing along his jaw and returning the favour with a tug on his earlobe. “For the mating bond.”

You felt Cassian’s body tense against you, “You’re going to accept it?”

“Yes…” you said tentatively, not quite understanding the need for his question because what other answer was there?

The intensity in which he kissed you had him stumbling back a few steps, arms wrapping even tighter around you to keep you in his arms.

“Did you think I wouldn’t?” Your gaze softened as you took in his uncertain expression, as you felt it through the bond.

“No, I don’t know. I just thought… I mean, you’re… Do you really want to be tied to a bastard-born Illy…” You cut his words off with a sharp look and a deep kiss that conveyed exactly what you thought of what he had just implied. Then you were sending every ounce of love and affection that you could muster towards him, heart melting as his expression changed and with the way he looked at you whilst processing the raw, vulnerability of the emotions surging down the bond.

You pressed a soft kiss to his lips, barely more than a lingering peck before saying, “Please can you let me give you some food now? I’ve been keeping this in all week.”

“All week? You’ve known about this since…”

“It snapped during our fight,” You shrugged, not wanting to relive it now that you had finally reached this point.

It was Cassian’s turn to pull you into a tender kiss before you found yourself overwhelmed by the new sensation of his emotions landing right above your heart.

“I think we can hold off on telling the others for just a little bit longer.”

“I think you’re absolutely right,” You tapped his arm gently and he placed you back onto your feet. Lacing your fingers with his, you pulled him into the kitchen and made him take a seat while you went about putting a plate of food together.

“Besides,” You continued, suddenly remembering Azriel’s involvement, “Az already knows. So I’m sure the others have put the pieces together by now and will steer clear for a few days.”

“A few weeks more like.” You grinned at the slight growl in his voice and the hunger in his eyes as his gaze remained fixed on you.

“Here,” Your voice was almost breathless, stomach fluttering with excitement and nerves as you pushed the plate towards him. Cassian briefly glanced down at it then, with a look of well-honed restraint, he slowly stood and walked over to you, pulling you in for a kiss as he murmured, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Without tearing his eyes away from you, Cassian reached across the table for the plate, eating everything on it as you remained transfixed on one another, basking in the feeling of the bond you shared growing stronger and stronger until, at last, everything felt as though it had finally fallen into place.

***** Thanks for reading 🥰

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for faking my death to get out of an abusive relationship?

Tw for verbal + mental/psychological abuse and suicide

I used to be in a discord server with some friends, there were about 40 people in it, only around 20 who were actually active. It was a while ago I can't remember. I was in that server for about 4 months.

From the start, people would occasionally get mad at me over something I didn't do. About every month or so someone would start a rumor about me and make the whole server gang up on me, I'd tell them it was false, but everyone would still avoid me for the next couple days.

I never did anything wrong, but I was always the center of the drama, and when I asked one person, R, why, he said he didn't know and that I didn't deserve so much hate.

About a week later R was talking in the vent channel about how I had manipulated him. I DMed him to ask why, and he told me it was because I asked him if he was my friend. I thought it was fucking stupid because it's not manipulative to be paranoid, but I pretended to be sorry because I didn't want him to be mad at me.

The server also had a bot where you could submit anonymous messages, and lots of people would use that feature to make up things about me to ruin my reputation.

After a while I left the server and only stayed in contact with a few people. However, every couple days another person would tell me I'm a monster and gaslight me into thinking I'm a terrible person, and every time I asked why they hated me they didn't give me an answer.

My only real friend, T, showed me some messages from the others after I left the server, and a bunch of people were making up stories about bad things I had done to them, and people who I had never even spoken to were saying that I had abused them and was dangerous.

Once someone told me thay they understood all the things R had said about me weren't true, but said it was still my fault anyway, and even told me that R had done nothing wrong (he lied about me in front of the entire server and is the reason I lost all my friends, and he yelled at me and called me evil because I was suicidal), and then they accused me of faking having amnesia because I had flashbacks.

Eventually, only four of my "friends" hadn't blocked me, and they almost never talked to me. Everyone kept calling me a terrible person because R spread lies about me and everyone else believed him instead of me.

It was to the point where I couldn't go one day without someone sending me death threats or trying to guilt trip me with false information, and I was getting very sever flashbacks of the stuff R had said to me, and I started failing classes because I couldn't focus on anything.

Eventually I had had enough, so I tagged them all in a tumblr post about how I was going to kill myself and then logged out of both that tumblr account and my old discord account forever.

(Also about a month after I had left, I got texts from irl friends, and it turns out someone on the server found the contact info of people I knew in real life just to ask if I was dead or not. And that scared the shit out of me.)

I've left out a lot of details of the abuse because of amnesia. I have a mental disorder which makes it hard to remember things, plus the brain often blocks out traumatic memories, so I'm sorry if some info feels missing.

The only reason I feel like I might be an asshole is because once I was gone, all of them switched targets and started to harass T. They said they hated him for being on my side, and sent him death threats on anon because he was mad at them for killing his friend. They started treating him the same way they treated me, and called him a horrible person but refused to give a reason as to why, and if I had stayed around they would've left him alone.

@should-be-dead (made a sideblog so I get notified when this is posted)

[starsinthesky5]

you belong with me IV part 2 || joe burrow x reader

description: being each other's everything is all you two have ever wanted, and now you finally are in every way possible.

a/n: first and foremost THANK YOU to all my anons and everyone who sent in requests and ideas! i appreciate you all so much and hopefully this lived up to all your expectations! i got sooo many requests and ideas for this particular fic and had so much fun working on it!! love you all!!!

second of all, thank you for patiently waiting! sorry it took me this long LMAO

edit: oh and forgot to add, there’s a good few references to superstar by taylor swift towards the end! wouldn’t be YBWM without fearless references!

warnings: language, SMUT. (there’s a lot.)

word count: 19 k

you belong with me master list (previous parts can be found here)

----------------------------------------------------------

(Direct continuation of part 1)

After looking at the photo strips for a few more moments, you walked back out of the closet and sat down on his bed, your eyes looking around his room as you tried to think of what you could do now. 

While sitting there you noticed some things about his room that you hadn’t before, like how he hung up the star map you got him for his birthday up next to the picture of the two of you and his parents after the national championship game. You stared at the photo a little more carefully, realizing how you all looked so much like a family even back then and how much you and Joe looked like a couple in the photo even though you weren't.

“Missed all the signs,” you giggled to yourself as you then looked over at his TV table. Various small LEGO structures, a few books about space and physics, and some more photos were placed on the table. There were photos of him and his friends, some pictures from when he was a kid, and a few photos from the past few years which included you. His room perfectly represented who he was inside as it was filled with meaningful pictures, nerdy little knick-knacks, and everything close to his heart. 

On the outside, Joe appeared stoic, hard-headed, and confident. On the inside, he was a full softie and the most adorable person on the planet and you were lucky enough to get to see this side of him which not many people did since he kept that part away from the world. You also got to see a side of him that was specifically reserved for you. The intimate side of him; his lover-boy personality, his unparalleled sexiness, and the part of him that made you weak in the knees.

“His duality is insane,” you whispered to yourself as you got up from the bed and walked out of his room. You made your way down the hall towards the stairs before backtracking when you passed his office.

You walked inside, giggling as you were met with a shelf filled with more LEGO structures including the one you got him for his birthday. “Such a softie,” you smiled to yourself as you walked behind his desk chair, taking in everything in the room. You never really came into his office so this was engaging for you. You never really explored his house now that you thought about it. You usually just stayed wherever he was since the majority of the time you were here in the past was when you were just friends and had no reason to venture around the house. 

You looked down at the desk and saw his computer, his calendar, a silly doodle bob pen holder, a Bengals-themed Newton’s cradle, and then a framed recent photo of the two of you.

You tilted your head as you picked up the frame, examining the photo that you remembered him taking just a few weeks ago. 

Flashback to New Year’s Eve 

You were sitting on the couch in Joe’s backyard, the warmth of the fire pit in front of you heating you up as you sat cross-legged in your champagne-colored strapless skin-tight dress, waiting for Joe to come back with your drinks. You glanced up at the TV that was mounted above the Patio Bar where Joe was pouring you both a glass of Blanc de Blancs, watching the live view from Times Square as the ball drop was commencing momentarily. Your eyes then dropped down to Joe, who looked incredibly gorgeous wearing a cream long-sleeved knit polo sweater while topping off your drinks. He placed the bottle down and looked up, his eyes meeting yours which sent chills down your body. 

He grabbed both the flutes and walked over to you, “You’re staring,” he said with a cocky smile as he placed them down on the side table and sat down next to you.

“It’s for a good reason,” you bit your lip as you gave him a slow once over. “You look amazing,”. 

“I know a girl with good taste,” he shrugged as he stretched out his arm behind you and brought you in closer. 

“You sure do,” you smiled as you laid your head against his shoulder after kissing his cheek.

“How much time do we have before the ball drop?” he asked as he gently ran his thumb across your shoulder.

“Hmm, about 15 minutes,” you said after you looked back at the TV. “I still can’t believe you didn’t invite anyone else over to watch,” you giggled. 

“Why invite more people over when just you is enough?” he asked, a blush creeping up on your face as a result of his words. 

“I appreciate the lovey-doveyness from you but I’m sure your parents and family members are pretty confused as to why you bailed from the family party and didn’t initially offer to have them over at your place like you usually do. They probably think you’re spending New Year alone since they don’t know about us yet,” you said as you looked up at the starry night sky. 

“I wanted it to be just us tonight,” he said as he joined you by also looking up at the sky. 

“Any reason in particular?” you say, turning your head to look at him. “You know I love your family and wouldn’t mind celebrating with them, even if it meant having to sneak away for our New Year’s kiss,”. 

“It’s our first New Year together as a couple so I wanted it to be special and with 0 distractions. I want to start off the year with the one that means the most to me,” he said, turning his head to face you after he finished talking. 

“Awww, Joe,” you cooed, giving him a quick peck before tucking your head into his neck. 

He definitely had made the night pretty special. First, it was treating you to a delicious and impressive dinner he prepared all on his own (with some tips from his chef), then you both decided to make cupcakes together (with a side of karaoke) since you had quite a bit of time before midnight, then it was making a bucket list for the year filled with things you wanted to do together while the cupcakes were in the oven, and after that it was you two sitting on the floor for about an hour building the LEGO rose bouquet set he got you for Christmas (you both really loved your LEGO’s). At about 11:00 you both went out to the backyard and got situated by the fire while watching the New Year’s special on TV. 

“We’ve had a pretty wild year haven’t we?” he said while letting out a content sigh. 

“Very wild,” you nodded. “Specifically the final stretch,” you added, referring to the past month with Joe. “But it’s been the best year of my life and the next one will be even better…because of you,”.

Joe swore his heart exploded for maybe the 100th time when you said that. The fact that he made you feel like this was the greatest feeling in the world. “I love you,” he said before capturing your lips in a sweet kiss. “So much that it’s not even funny,” he said in between kisses. 

“The feeling is mutual,” you smiled against him. 

“This year’s going to be so much fun. I can’t wait to do everything on our bucket list,” he softly laughed. 

“Me too. I think I’m looking most excited to go camping and road-tripping to California,”. 

“I still can’t believe you’ve never been camping,” Joe widened his eyes and laughed. 

“Listen, I don’t want to get eaten by a bear or kidnapped by some random man in the woods,” you blinked.

“What if that happens to us? I don’t think me being with you makes a difference,”.

“Yes, it does. The bear will be too blinded by your hotness to eat us and you’ll scare the random man away with your big muscles,” you teased while gripping his bicep. 

“I’ll probably book us a cabin,” he nodded after hearing your plan of action if you came across something like that. 

“Nooo,” you groaned like a little child. “I want the traditional camping experience. Tent and everything,”.

“We can still bring a tent and do that for a night but I think you’d feel more comfortable in a cabin,” he said while moving your hair out of your face. “Sleeping in a sleeping bag gets exhausting after the first night anyway. And there’s more privacy in a cabin so we won’t be at risk of being seen doing certain things,” he whispered in your ear. 

“Can’t stay away, can you?” you giggled at his insatiableness.

“Mm, Mm,” he shook his head. “It’s like a drug,” he said as he kissed your cheek, referring to the intimate time between you two. “Can’t quit and won’t quit,” 

“Good to know. I should probably change up my birth control then since we refuse to do it the way it was taught in high school health class,” you laughed as you looked back at the TV again, feeling Joe laugh beside you as you saw that the time was now 11:53. 

“Oops. 7 minutes to go,” you said as you sat back up and handed Joe his champagne glass while grabbing yours. 

“Time to make a toast,” he said as he lifted his glass in the air. 

“Okay,” you giggled as you lifted your glass in the air. “But what are we toasting to?”.

“To us,” he smiled. “A toast to us and a new year filled with good vibes, lots of love, countless laughs, and even more moments where I fall even more in love with you than I already am,”. 

You felt your heart swell while your eyes pooled with tears, none falling through as you blinked them away and spoke up. “And I want to toast to the same thing, but also to you,”.

“To me?” Joe asked, slightly confused. 

“Mhm. To the person who literally turned my world upside down 9 years ago. The person that I’m lucky enough to call my best friend and my boyfriend. The person that makes me the happiest woman alive and the person that I can’t wait to spend every single New Years with from now on. The person that makes my heart smile and sets my soul on fire. The person that is my absolute everything,” you grinned. 

Joe stayed silent for a few moments as he took in the beautiful words you were saying to him before giving you a small nod and a fervent smile, “I’ll toast to that,”. You both moved your flutes closer together, a small clinking noise coming once you finished the toast before downing your champagne in one big gulp. 

You watched as a drop of champagne slid down Joe’s lip and slowly down to his chin, you quickly leaned over and slid your tongue along his chin to catch the drop, then pressed a kiss to the area after you were done.

“Ohhh, so we’re already getting to it?” Joe wiggled his eyebrows.

“Nope,” you giggled. “Not yet. Just making sure you didn’t get champagne on your clothes,” you said as you looked back at the time and saw that you had 3 minutes left.

Joe looked back as well and then stood up from his seat, extending his hand out to help you up before leading you to the open floor area. “It’s almost time,” he grinned.

“Yes, it is,” you laughed as you moved your hair back. “Our first ever New Year's kiss. One for the history books,”. 

“Damn straight,” Joe said as he abruptly pulled you closer to him by your waist, the sudden movement catching you off guard. 

“Someone’s eager,” you smiled.

“Oh, it’s definitely not like I haven’t been wishing for this moment every December 31st for the past 9 years,” he rolled his eyes.

“Well, you’re about to have your wish come true in about 60 seconds,” you winked. 

Joe smiled at you before turning around to see the TV, the camera panning over Times Square and zooming in on all the couples getting ready for their kisses. Then he turned back over to you and saw the pure happiness on your face and the little twinkle in your eye that was even more precious in the lighting of his backyard. He still couldn’t quite believe this was real life. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to believe that this is real life as this all felt like a dream that he didn’t want to wake up from. 

Joe took a deep breath before turning a bit more serious, “I love you. And I know I say it to you so often that it may lose its meaning but I really really love you more than anything else in this world and I’m so lucky and glad that I can do this with you. You make my world complete, you’re the most extraordinary person I’ve ever met, and you’ve changed my life for the better,” he quickly said as he gazed into your beautiful eyes. 

“Joe…I-”.

“10!” the countdown on the TV said. 

You looked into his eyes and felt all of the thoughts in your head disappear. The only thing you could think about was how much you loved him, which was more than enough to fill your empty head. 

“9!” you heard as you felt his grip on your waist tighten.  

“8!” you heard as you felt his hot breath against your skin, your arms looping around his neck as you both smiled at each other like two love-struck fools. 

“7!” you heard as you felt Joe sway you back and forth, a soft laugh coming from your mouth.

“6!” you heard as you moved your hands into his soft hair, twirling the strands around your fingers as you continued to get lost in his eyes.

“5!” you heard as you heard Joe speak up again. 

“You are the best thing that’s ever been mine,” he said. 

“4!” you heard before you spoke up. 

“I'm completely, utterly, and madly in love with you,” you whispered. 

“3!” you heard as you both slowly ghosted your lips over each other, your cold noses nuzzling against each other as you looked down at his pink lips.

“2!” you heard as your breathing picked up while your eyes moved back up to his heated gaze. “You’re everything,” he said, just loud enough for you to hear. 

“1!” you heard before you crashed your lips against each other. 

“Happy New Year!” the TV said, sounds of celebrations echoing through the backyard as fireworks started going off above you. 

You cupped Joe’s face and pulled him closer as he held you tighter, your lips saying so much to each other just like how your hearts were as they were so incredibly close given you close your chest was to his. Fireworks were going off inside of them, just like the ones that were going off in the sky above you. 

Your tongues tangled in each other's mouths, the taste of champagne lingering which made the kiss even more intoxicating than it already was. He was kissing you as if he had never kissed you before; the way his big hand gripped your waist and slid down your back was sending heat throughout your cold body, the way his lips molded against yours was almost like they were specifically made for you, and the warm and comfortable feeling you got from him was an irreplaceable feeling you couldn’t replicate any way else. 

After a few more moments of being attached to each other’s lips, you pulled away—both of you a little breathless—and rested your foreheads against each other, the biggest grins on both your faces. 

“Happy New Year, Baby,” Joe whispered.

“Happy New Year, Joey,” you blushed. 

End of flashback 

The photo was a picture of the two of you post-kiss, the fireworks visible in the background as you leaned your head against his cheek and rested your hand on his chest (the hand with the ring) and both of you had the most raw and beautiful smiles on your faces. 

You put the frame back down before pulling out your phone, clicking on Joe’s contact, and typing up a message. 

You: saw the photo on your desk.. you move fast ;)

Joe: good photos and even better memories deserve to be shared asap 🤷‍ i also like having a constant reminder of you when i'm in there 

You: have I told you how much I love you lately? because i realllyyyy do

Joe: maybe a few times but I don’t mind hearing it again.. but anyway, how are you doing? even though it’s only been a little over an hour ish since I’ve been gone 

You: great! took a nice long shower in your bathroom which by the way, water pressure is to die for. you’ll need to get used to me taking hour showers because wow..

Joe: noted lol. what’re you doing now? 

You: was about to head downstairs to make something for dinner but your office caught my eye first 

Joe: you aren’t naked are you…

You: i was kidding when i said that, well kind of..but im clothed don’t worry

Joe: good to hear ;)  and also don’t bother making anything for dinner. i ordered you some food and it should be at the house in a little bit 

You let out a soft laugh as you shook your head, Joe was always two steps ahead of you and always made sure you had everything you needed even if he wasn’t physically there with you.

Joe: there’s also a bunch of wine in the wine cellar so pick out your favorite and have at it. just don’t get too drunk without me 

You: no promisessss. but thanks for dinner 🥰

Joe: of course. im gonna go get dinner from the dining room with the guys so I’ll text you later?

You: okay, i love you <3

Joe: i love you x2

You let out a relaxed breath before slipping your phone back into your pocket, taking one more look around his office before walking out and making your way downstairs again. 

You find yourself in the wine cellar a few minutes later, your eyes glancing around the room as you are a bit overwhelmed with the amount of wine he has. “For a man who doesn’t drink very often, he sure has a great variety of wine,” you giggled as you looked around for your favorite. 

You smiled once you found a bottle of Malbec Rosé, sliding it out from the hold and exiting the cellar. Once you’re back in the kitchen, you pour yourself a hearty glass of the drink and sit back down on the barstool, sliding around as you think about what you could do now. 

“Hm, I guess I could just walk around more?” you whispered to yourself as you took a sip before sliding off the stool and getting up, the speaker on the counter by the sink catching your eye.

“Oo, music would be nice,” you thought while pulling out your phone and connecting your music to the speaker. Once you get that situated, you turn up the volume and start your walk around his house. 

“I'm no one special, just another wide-eyed girl, Who's desperately in love with you…” you mumble, singing along to the song as you walk past the patio door. You stop and look out from the door, thinking about how this patio would become your patio in a few short weeks. You’d get to have friends and family over here with Joe. You’d get to swim out in the pool with him and you’d get to sit by the fire every night in his arms while talking and watching the stars together. You'd get to watch the seasons pass by with him out there, seeing the leaves turn from green to orange and then covered with snow. 

You smiled while taking another sip of your wine before you continued walking, this time along the couch where you both spent a lot of time together watching various shows and movies and sometimes just talking for hours. You looked at the 2 built-in wall shelves on each side of the mounted TV, both decorated with fake plants, some more photos, and some unique decor pieces that you remember helping him pick out. He always had an interesting taste when it came to art and decorations and the house definitely showed that.

“Can’t wait to add my own flair to these things,” you softly chuckled. 

You continued walking around the house, this time walking past his special display shelf that had a few of his accolades on it. Your eyes went straight to the National Championship trophy, then to his Heisman, then to the few NFL honors awards, and then his AFC championship trophy. There was a large space next to it that was specifically kept empty because he wanted to put his first Lombardi and his Super Bowl ring there. Your eyes slowly welled with tears as you looked at all of his accomplishments, seeing how far he had come since you first met him all those years ago and how you’d been with him through every single one of these things. Your heart swelled once you realized you’d also get to be with him whenever this empty space would be filled with the greatest accomplishment of all. 

You took another sip of your wine and continued walking around the house, taking note of some empty spaces where you could add something of your own. A few minutes later, you heard the doorbell ring so you checked the camera and saw that it was the delivery person with your dinner. 

You placed the glass down and got the bags from the door before you walked back into the kitchen and laid everything out on the counter, the first bag was from Chipotle.

“He knows me too well,” you shook your head as you looked at the bowl which had everything you wanted on it. “How did he even memorize my order?”.

The second bag was from a local bakery you loved. “Hm?” you questioned why there was something from the bakery as you opened up the bag, pulling out a square-shaped box. You flipped the lid open and inside sat a beautiful heart-shaped cake with a white frosting base, tiny red hearts scattered across the surface, and a cursive ‘i love you’ in the middle all in red frosting. 

“Joe…,” you giggled as you stuffed your face in your hands and then moved them into your hair. His thoughtfulness knew no bounds and he had a constant need to keep you smiling, and whatever he did always worked. 

You pulled out your phone again and pulled up his contact, typing up another message to send him.

You: okay im this close to breaking all the rules and sneaking into the hotel and into your room 

Joe: i assume this is about the cake? either that or you’re just horny as hell

You: its most definitely about the cake (maybe a bit of the second thing too). how hard do you think it is to break into the facility and steal the mascot’s costume and then show up to the hotel and get up to your floor without being caught? my idea from a few weeks ago still sounds foolproof 🤷‍♀️

Joe: i’d say you probably wouldn’t make it past the front desk before getting the cops called on you 

You: yeah you’re probably right because they most definitely will think im your stalker or something 💀. 

i just wish i could kiss you right now. you’re the sweetest for this. thank you 💞

Joe: you can make it up to me tomorrow morning :)

You: oh i definitely will 

You wished you could’ve thanked him in person but there was nothing you could do at the moment to do so. After a few more minutes of texting about tomorrow, you grabbed your dinner, got comfy on the couch, and turned on an episode of The Office. It didn’t hit the same without Joe next to you, but it made you feel close to him since you were starting to miss him. 

“Separation anxiety is brutal,” you joked, only partly though. Normally you wouldn’t be missing him like this but being in the house without him was making it worse than usual. 

An hour later 

After wrapping up your dinner and eating a slice of the cake, you cleaned everything up downstairs before heading up to the bedroom for the night. Right now you were in his closet as you were trying to find something to spice up your game day look for tomorrow and his jewelry collection was the perfect place to go. 

Your eyes scanned his impressive jewelry collection, the sparkly diamonds and jewels were as dazzling as a million tiny stars embedded in the night sky. He had quite a few iced-out chains, some big statement pieces, and some simple more tamer pieces. 

Your eyes stopped once you saw his large ‘9’ iced out chain, a smile creeping up on your face because you remember when he wore it for his Bose photo shoot last year and how sexy he looked with it on, his longer headband hair made him even more desirable. You obviously couldn’t say anything then because you were just friends and he had a girlfriend at the time, but now you could say and do whatever you wanted. 

You picked up the chain from the velvet pad it was resting on, the necklace a little heavier than you expected. “How the hell does this not break his neck,” you whispered to yourself as you held it up in front of your face. You obviously weren’t going to wear this one tomorrow, but lucky for you he had a smaller version of the necklace right next to it. 

“Now that’s my kind of thing,” you giggled as you started to place the necklace back down but stopped once you saw one of his hats sitting on the shelf across the closet. A sultry idea popped into your head, one that you’d never thought of for anyone before let alone Joe. 

“I may not be able to physically thank him for being such a great boyfriend, but I can send him a little something to show my appreciation and give him a treat of his own,” you smirked as you took the necklace over to where the hat was. You put the necklace down and slip your clothes off, then put the hat on your head but backwards just like Joe did, and then put the iced-out ‘9’ chain around your neck. You were standing just in your lacy light orange bra and pantie set, the cold diamond ‘9’ resting right above your cleavage. You slipped off one of the straps of your bra so that more of your breast was visible, grabbed your phone, and walked over to the floor-length mirror. You got down on your knees and sat back, spreading open your legs a little bit to get a good position. You opened up the camera and snapped a few pics of yourself like this, then switched up the poses a little bit to tease him. 

“He’s gonna love this,” you giggled to yourself. 

For the last picture, you took the chain of the necklace and held it between your teeth, the ‘9’ now dangling as you slid the strap of your bra down a little lower, the top of your nipple now in the frame. You snapped a final photo and let go of the necklace which was now starting to hurt your neck. You had never done this for any other guy before so this was new for you, but you were comfortable with it since you knew it was only going to be seen by a guy that absolutely loved you to pieces. 

If you told yourself 9 years ago that you’d be sitting inside Joe’s closet taking these kinds of photos to send him, you’d slap yourself in the face and call bullshit. But you shouldn’t be surprised you were doing this considering how ravenous you two had been around each other since the first time you two had sex about a month ago. It was like another part of you was unlocked by him, a part no other guy could crack open. You two just couldn’t stay away from each other. 

Flashback to the morning after your first time 

Your eyes slowly fluttered open as you felt a pair of warm lips pressing feather-light kisses to your lips. You fully opened your eyes and saw Joe cutely smiling down at you as he was admiring your beautiful face and tucking your hair behind your ear. “Morning beautiful,” he said with a kiss to your forehead, his voice more raspy than usual due to last night’s activities. 

“Good morning,” you rasped, your voice also incredibly scratchy given how much you were screaming last night.

“We sound soooo…,” he began to say.

“Fucked out?” you giggled.

“Yeah,” he nodded, his cheeks turning a little red. “It was worth it though. A solid 2 rounds before we crashed,”.

“Did you have fun?” you smiled up at him, internally praying that he enjoyed this as much as you did.

“Fun is an understatement. That was the best sex I’ve ever had in my entire life,” he mumbled as he leaned in to kiss you again. You smiled and grabbed his cheek with your hand, moving closer to his head as the kiss slowly became more heated. His hands went under the covers and settled on the bare skin of your lower back, his soft and familiar touch making you want more as he pulled you closer to him. You shrugged the covers off your nude body and slowly hooked your legs around his waist, your lips still attached as you got on top of him. 

His hands settled on your hips as you continued to share a feverish kiss for a few more moments. Both of your tongues tangled in each other's mouths; your hands were massaging the soft skin of his neck while he was tracing and lightly scratching your back.

“Hey, what was that for?” Joe pouted after you abruptly pulled away.

“Want to make it a solid 3 rounds?” you winked, your body still very sore but sizzling with anticipation because of the man underneath you.

Joe looked at you for a few moments, thinking about how lucky he was to be sitting here with you right now, especially like this. You two were sharing such intimate moments with each other and he had never thought that this would’ve ever happened, but this was reality. “I thought you’d never ask. I cannot get enough of you,” he grinned as he started to scooch up to flip you both over.  

You placed your hands on both of his shoulders and pushed him back down, “Mm, Mm. You did all the work last night. It’s my turn,” you shook your head, the thing that you were implying making Joe’s heart skip a beat. Since last night was the first time you did this, you’d never been on top of him before and the thought of that happening was making him lose all coolness.

“Just take it easy. I don’t want you to hurt yourself and if it's too much we can always stop,”  he softly said as he stroked your thigh, just body humming with anticipation just like yours. 

“I love you,” you said as you leaned down to peck his lips before moving back up. 

“I love you too,” he smiled as he put his arms behind his head and laid back, his bulging biceps even more prominent this way. He looked so good right now with his messy bedhead, swollen lips, that little purple love bite you left on his neck last night, and his sweet bedroom eyes. It was all making you even more needy for him than you’d ever felt before. 

You grabbed his growing erection and guided the tip between your drenched folds before slipping it inside, a loud moan leaving your lips at the sudden fullness you were feeling. “Oh, fuck,” you whined as you threw your head back, still not fully used to his size. 

Joe looked up at you and watched as you slid down his length and got comfortably seated. He was trying not to lose his cool but he really really wanted to flip you over and fuck you senseless because of how sexy you looked above him right now, but he knew you wanted to do this so he was letting you do your thing. You rested your palms on his chest as you slowly started to slide up and down his length, each movement sending electric jolts throughout your body as you could feel every single inch of him right now. “Joe,” you moaned as you picked up the pace, your manicured nails digging into his chest. 

You leaned down and gently bit his thick bicep, a throaty moan leaving his lips after you pressed a kiss to the little bite mark you left. “Y/N,” he panted. 

Joe felt himself getting lost in your touch, his brain getting all foggy as sounds of pleasure started leaving his lips. “Fuck, Y/N,” he moaned as he moved his arms from under his head and gripped your waist. Sounds of skin slapping against skin filled the room as you quickened your pace, Joe’s eyes stuck on your perfect breasts that were bouncing in front of him with movement. You felt and looked heavenly on top of him, a feeling he’d never felt before with anyone else filling his mind and body. 

“Baby, please you feel so good,” Joe whimpered as he dug his head further back into the pillow. “You’re doing so fucking good,”. Joe was having the absolute time of his life watching you bounce on his cock as sounds of pleasure were leaving your lips like a prayer. The thought of you sharing this intimate experience with him was enough to make him let go right then and there, but the fact that it wasn’t a thought and was actually happening right now was what he couldn’t believe. 

“You like that?” you smirked as you turned his head back to look up at you, the heat in your stomach rising as his hands wandered along your body. You felt him give your breast a gentle squeeze at the same time as you felt him hit a spot inside you he hadn’t before.

“O- oh my god,” you whimpered as you fell forward onto him, his hands holding you tightly as he pushed your lips against his in a messy kiss.

“I’m fucking obsessed with you,” Joe mumbled between the kiss, your moans coming out in short gasps as you felt him buck his hips into yours. 

Every word that came from his mouth set your heart on fire. Every time he touched you, you felt electricity run through your veins. Every time he looked at you with those eyes filled with love and passion, you felt like his soul was hugging yours. 

Every time you looked at him with the same love and passion, he felt his heart explode. Every time you touched him, he felt like he was in heaven. Every time his name left your lips, he fell more in love with you. 

“Ah, fuck. Joe, you’re s- you’re so..” you whimpered before you went back to the kiss as you rode him into oblivion.

You pulled away and sat up again, this time moving back and forth even faster as he thrusts up into you. “Mmph, Joey,” you whimpered as you placed your hands on his, which were gripping your waist. This felt better than either of you could’ve ever imagined, both of you also mentally cursed yourselves out for missing out on this for so long. 

“I’m close,” Joe groaned, feeling himself hurdle towards his pleasure; the feeling of your warm cushiony walls wrapped around him was the greatest thing he’d ever felt. 

You nodded, placed your palms back on his chest, and bounced back against him even harder even though your legs started to get tired. Joe started to press kisses along your hands and your arms as you continued to ride him, “You’re doing so good, baby,” he praised, which sent you closer to your orgasm as the band in your belly was tightening.

“Joe,” you whimpered, your legs starting to burn as you slowed down. 

“It’s okay, I’m here,” he said as he gripped your hips and guided you along his thick shaft, taking the weight off of you and giving you some rest. He then moved his hands under your thighs and started snapping his hips up into your soaked core, both of you just moments away from fully letting go. One particular hard thrust stroked your G-spot and had you screaming once again.

“Mm..Joe, I’m gonna.. cum,” you moaned as your chest heaved from the intense pleasure you were feeling in your body. 

“Fuck, me too,” he whimpered as he snapped his hips up into yours again, this time your release washing over you.

“Joe,” you screamed as you felt the band in your belly snap and your walls tighten around him, your body falling forward onto him again. He drapes his arm around your back and pulls you closer as you moan into his ear, the aftermath of your release hitting you like a brick wall.

“Fuck, I’m cumming,” Joe rasped as he felt you move your face to his face, your lips crashing down on him as he released inside of you, the kiss being interrupted by his moans which came out in sharp breaths. 

A few minutes later, he was holding you so incredibly close to him as both of you spent a few moments catching your breaths and coming down from your intense highs. The only sounds in the room are your steady breaths; the quietness and his warm body are incredibly comforting. You were laying your head against his chest, feeling his hand play with the strands of your hair while you lightly scratched his chest before you heard him speak up.

“You are a dream that I never want to wake up from,”.

End of flashback 

Then it got worse (was it really a bad thing though?) after the first time you went down on him after you had one too many glasses of wine at lunch with your friends and he looked like a walking greek god when he came over to your place after practice.

Flashback to a few weeks ago

“You look prettyyy,” you giggled as you stared at Joe who was trying to eat the post-practice salad you made him but couldn’t focus on because of how intensely you were staring at him. 

“Are you okay?” he asked, raising an eyebrow and taking a slow bite of the salad.  

“I’m greattttt,” you slurred as you leaned back in your chair. 

“Uh-huh,” he nodded. “What’s my middle name?” he quizzed you.

You rolled your eyes and laughed, “I said I’m great, Joseph Lee Burrow. I just had a few glasses of wine earlier at lunch with the girls so I’m a little tipsy,”. 

“How many is a few…,” he bit his lip as he watched you struggle to remember.

“Uhh, no comment,” you grinned at him as you got up from your chair. “But I’m 100% sober when I say you look absolutely amazing right now,” you smiled when you walked over to him, pulled his chair out a bit, and then sat down in his lap and pressed your crotch against his. His big hands instinctively settled on your ass as you looped your arms around his neck.

“I’m really sweaty right now,” he nervously cleared his throat.

“I don’t care,” you said as you pressed delicate kisses along his face. “You look, feel, and taste amazing,” you mumbled as you moved down to his neck, licking a stripe along his jawline and tasting the salty sweat on his skin.

“What’s gotten into you,” he chuckled as he moved your head back into his view. 

“Ask the media admin who posted quite a few pictures and videos of you from practice today,” you giggled. “You looked hot,”. 

“Looked? Damn, am I not hot right now?” he playfully pouted. 

“You know you are,” you said, sending him a heated look. “I’ve dreamed about you in this cut-off white shirt quite a few times over the years,” you winked as you traced his chest through the loose shirt that barely covered his chiseled body.

“Jesus, you are drunk as hell,” Joe laughed while throwing his head back. 

“Shut up,” you smiled while grabbing his head and pressing your lips against his, the kiss quickly becoming more heated as he began to rock your hips back and forth against his growing erection. 

“Mmph,” you moaned into the kiss as he was grinding you against him, the hardness underneath you sending shivers down your spine.

“I think we should take this to the bedroom,” he mumbled as he started placing open-mouthed kisses along your jawline.

You let out a heavy sigh, “I’d love to but I got my period this morning,”.

“That’s great,” he grinned as he moved his head back up to yours.

“What…” you asked, as you tilted your head out of confusion.

“I mean, that sucks because of cramps and all that annoying period stuff. But that’s great because it means there’s no bun in the oven,” he softly laughed. “Yet, at least,” he muttered under his breath, just loud enough for him to hear.

“That is true,” you nodded as you fell forward and wrapped your arms around his neck, his arms wrapping around you in a warm hug. You stuffed your neck into his neck, smelling his natural pheromones from his sweat which combined with the hardness you felt under you was adding to the tension you were feeling right now. 

“But that doesn’t mean I can’t make you feel good,” you whispered in his ear, Joe’s heart stopped when he realized what you were saying. 

“I….,” he trailed off, his heart beat picking up again and his palms getting sweaty. 

You pulled away from the hug and met his eyes, flashing him a sweet smile before speaking up. “I’m serious, Joe. Let me make you feel good,” you said as you traced his arm all the way up to his face. 

His silence started to worry you and you felt yourself getting nervous again, just like how you did when it was the first time you two did anything intimate. “Unless you don’t want to,” you quickly said as you started getting off his lap, but his big hands wrapped around you and pulled you back down. 

"It’s not that I don’t want to. God, I want to,” he laughed. “It’s just…I don’t want you to do something if you’re not comfortable with it and won’t enjoy it yourself,” he said as he cupped your cheek and rubbed his thumb against your skin.

You grabbed his hand and pressed a kiss to the inside of his hand, “I want to,” you nodded. “I really want to,” you mumbled as you leaned forward again and crashed your lips against his. 

After a few minutes of teasing him with your kisses and your touch, you slid off of him and got on your knees in front of his chair. You used your hands and spread his legs open before you looked back up at him, his eyes darkened with lust as he bit his lip. 

You smirked at him as you leaned forward to pull his shorts and boxers, after which his impressive erection sprang free. You ran your manicured hands along his thick, muscular thighs as you slowly leaned down and wrapped your lips around his shaft.

Joe closed his eyes as he felt you take him deeper and deeper with each bob of your head, “Fuck, Y/N,” he whispered. You moved your lips back to the tip, pulling them off with an audible pop as you licked a stripe across his red tip, tasting the bit of pre-cum that was pooling. 

He let out another low moan once you wrapped your lips around him again and slowly moved down his cock. You started bobbing your head up and down, more sounds of pleasure leaving Joe’s lips as you used your hand to give him a few pumps while you worked your way down.

“Mm, Y/N,” he whimpered as you felt his hands in your hair, your eyes navigating up to his eyes which once again were telling you what he was thinking without him actually saying it. You squeezed his thigh in response as you went back to what you were doing, Joe’s hands gently pushing you down further as you moaned against him.

A few minutes later, you moved off his cock and kept eye contact with him while you jerked him off with your hand as you used your other one to wipe the saliva around your lips, a smirk on your lips as you saw his blissful facial expression; the way he was biting his lips, his tired eyes filled with lust and love, and the way his hand was lovingly rubbing your head. You moved back down after a few seconds, teasing the slit with your tongue and licking a stripe down the side before you took him in your mouth again. 

“F-Fuck,” he moaned once he felt the tip hit the back of your throat. He looked down at you with his tired eyes and couldn’t believe that this was really happening. He physically could not get enough of you; not now, not ever. Joe began bucking his hips up a few moments later, the feeling in his belly getting stronger as you got sloppy with your movements. His hand started pushing you down harder, your moans and whimpers being muffled because you had him in your mouth. Tears started coming down your cheeks as he started to thrust into your mouth and when you looked up at him, you knew he was close. 

“God damn..you’re so fucking good at this,” he moaned as you massaged his balls using your free hand, Joe just mere moments away from reaching his high. 

A few more heated moments later, you felt ropes of warm cum shoot down your throat. “Y/N…” he moaned while throwing his head back. It really couldn’t get better than this for Joe. He was already obsessed with you as a person, but now he was obsessed with you physically. 

You continued to bob up and down his shaft, making sure to milk every last drop of his orgasm before you released him from your mouth, then swallowing his sweet release as you looked into his heavy eyes. 

“You are insane,” he panted as his chest heaved, a thin coating of sweat on both of your skins because of your actions. 

“I know,” you cockily grinned as you wiped his release off your lips with the back of your fingers before licking them clean.

End of flashback 

After that, it was the two of you going at it in the backseat of his Porsche after a post-practice dinner with some of the guys and their significant others. That compression shirt he had on was sending you into overdrive and the way you were teasing each other the entire time was making it worse. 

Flashback to the night out with your friends 

You were in dire need of a cold shower right now. 

You were trying so hard to keep yourself together as you were currently at dinner with Joe and a few of his friends from the team (who at this point were also your friends). But the man sitting next to you was making it incredibly difficult for you to act normal. 

First, it was the fact that he picked you up after practice and he was just in his skin-tight compression shirt and his workout shorts, which he was still wearing at dinner. He knew this combination always made you feel certain feelings and normally he would change out of these clothes after practice was over, but he was doing this on purpose because he knew you were going to see it. The top highlighted his delicious biceps and hugged his body so tightly that his chiseled figure was on full display; he was mouthwatering and he knew it too. 

Then, it was the fact that ever since you sat down at the table with your friends for dinner, he’d been sneakily teasing you with little touches and glances that he knew drove you wild. Nobody in the room knew you were dating so it should make sense as to why you were struggling to keep it together.  

You felt his hand creep up to your thigh, his big hand seductively massaging the skin as you took a bite of your meal while intensely staring at him. 

“So, Y/N. How does it feel being Joe’s honorary girlfriend,” Jermaine teased as he took a sip of his water. 

You flipped your head from Joe to him as you felt your heart stop in your chest. “What?” you deadpanned. 

“Burrow over here can’t seem to keep a girl around to save his life,” Tee laughed as he watched Joe roll his eyes.

“Correction, he can’t keep a girl other than Y/N around,” Ja’marr nodded. “She been with him since day 1. Why? I have no fucking idea but he’s managed to keep her around somehow,”.

“It must be because of…,” Tee teased as he pointed down to his crotch, your eyes widening and cheeks turning red at the embarrassing situation you were in right now. 

“You guys are children,” Joe shook his head as he moved his hand to cup your mound through your skirt, your eyes widening again as you flipped your head over to him. Now was not the time to be doing this, not in front of everyone. 

You grabbed his forearm and scooched his hand back over to his lap before speaking up, “Maybe the reason he can’t keep a girl around is because of his bad timing,” you said while shooting daggers at him with your eyes and emphasizing the ‘bad timing’ part.  

“Um, ouch?” Joe raised an eyebrow and bumped your leg with his. 

“Damnnn, even she sees it,” Jermaine laughed. “But Y/N, you gotta admit. You kinda are the honorary girlfriend at this point. They need to add you to the WAG’s list or something,”. 

“She knows she just won’t admit it,” Ja’marr pointed out. “Must be an ego thing,”.

“Ouch?” you said, acting like you were offended by that. You then felt Joe’s foot bump into yours, but not by accident. You looked over at him and saw the smug grin on his face as he continued to rub his foot, then his leg against yours underneath the table in a way that sent shivers throughout your body. 

“He wants to play? Let’s play,” you thought to yourself. 

You cleared your throat before turning back over to face the guys, “You know, maybe Joe can’t keep a girl around because he’s bad in bed?” you boldly said as you moved your hand to his lap, gently grabbing his cock through his shorts which made him jerk up in his seat. 

“No way,” Tee said before he fell into a fit of laughter.

“I’m serious,” you shrugged as you gave Joe a squeeze through his shorts, hearing him softly groan next to you. “Sex is very important to girls. The whole intimacy and love aspect of it is very important for relationship development,” you nodded. “Maybe Joe just sucks at it,” you smirked as you looked over at him, his cheeks flushed as he was biting his lip.

Oh, he definitely didn’t suck. If he got any better at it you would probably have a stroke. 

“Damn, you really gonna let your girl do you like that?” Ja’marr said to Joe. 

“She can do whatever she wants,” Joe said, giving you a heated look as he stared intensely at your eyes and then your plump pink lips that were covered with peach lip gloss. 

“Whatever I want, huh?” you wiggled your eyebrows at him as you let go of his dick and slid your hand along his thick muscular thigh. “Okay, then I think the guys would just love to hear about how you almost threw up on one of your hookups back at Ohio State and how you had to text me to come save your ass while I was in the middle of a date. When I showed up she thought I was his girlfriend and he was cheating on me,” you giggled. “It was a whole improv routine, I swear,”. 

“But you still came anyway,” Joe said, staring deeply into your eyes. “You always showed up whenever I needed you,” he said a little quieter, but his words were incredibly loud and clear. You always showed up for him in every shape and form possible, and now that you were together, that would never change.

“Y/N, we coulda used you down at LSU for real,” Ja’marr nodded. “You’re the only one that can keep Shiesty over here from completely embarrassing himself and the only one that can keep him in check,”. 

“Ohhh, I know,” you grinned. “I do a really good job at keeping him in check,” you winked at the guys as you gave Joe’s thigh a loving squeeze.

An hour later 

After the dinner, you both got into Joe’s sleek black porche and were on your way back to his house, the tension in the car growing as you two sat in silence and had not mentioned a word about the shenanigans at dinner. The only sounds in the car were the song playing on the aux–Kiss It Better by Rhianna–and the sounds of the car moving. 

You glanced over at him, taking in his muscular and hypnotizing body. The way his jaw was clenching as he focused on the road, the way his veiny hands that you loved to feel on your body gripped the steering wheel, the way the tight compression shirt fit him like another skin, the way his thick muscular thighs were spread open, and the way his plump bottom lip was in between his teeth. You needed him so badly and the teasing at dinner made it worse.

Joe felt your eyes on him so he turned over to look at you, but you quickly turned your head away and continued to look out your window, praying he didn’t notice you looking at him but you were too late. He slowly swallowed as he stared at your perfect body. The way your delicate eyelashes were fluttering as you stared out at the road, your glossy pink lips that he wanted to feel against his so badly right now, the way your cropped sweater was hugging your perfect hips and breasts, the way your freshly manicured hands that he loved to feel in his hair and along his back were gripping your phone. You looked incredible and he felt a visceral ache inside of him because of how badly he needed you right now. 

“Just take it on back, boy, take it on back, boy. Take it back all night. Just take it on back, take it on back. Mmm, do what you gotta do, keep me up all night,” you mumbled as you bobbed your head to the song, slowly turning your head over to look at Joe, finally your eyes meeting his heated gaze.

“You’re staring,” you whispered as you felt your heart rate ramp up and your stomach do a backflip. 

“I know,” he breathed out as he flipped his head back to the road, the sign for the nearest exit getting closer as he switched lanes to get to the exit lane. You were confused as to why he was going this way since this wasn’t the way back home, but you didn’t say anything because your brain was slowly being clouded by lust and desire. 

You watched as he sped slightly, his grip on the steering wheel becoming tighter which made more of the veins along his muscular arm pop. Your eyes then fell down to his lap, the tent in his shorts incredibly prominent which made you smile knowing the effect you had on him. 

He quickly pulled into the most empty parking lot possible, your mind finally realizing why he was doing this and a gush of wetness pooling your core at the thought of it. He quickly put the car in park and turned it off before looking over at you, “Backseat?” he breathlessly asked, his voice thick with infatuation. 

“Absolutely,” you grinned as you quickly got out of the passenger side and slipped into the spacious backseat of his Porsche, Joe following you.  

“Thank god for tinted windows,” you giggled as Joe pulled you onto his lap, his big hands settling on either side of your hips as he smashed his lips against yours. 

“I need you so bad,” he said as he pressed kisses along your cheeks and jawline. 

“I’m right here,” you whispered as you leaned back to look at him, his hands instantly pulling you back forward as he smashed his lips against yours again, this time his tongue invading your mouth as he started to peel off your top. 

You flung it to the side before pulling your skirt off, then returning to the kiss while you felt his hands wander along your back before unclasping your bra. You let the straps fall as he slipped it off for you, you leaned back again as Joe peppered kisses along your collarbone down to your breasts, lightly nipping and sucking on them before kissing his way back up to your lips. You began to grind down on his crotch which made him moan into the kiss, his fingers slowly peeling your lace panties off. You quickly moved to the side to get them off faster before coming back into his lap.

“Leave this on,” you mumbled, pointing to his tight compression shirt.

“Whatever you want,” he said, getting lost in your beautiful eyes. 

“I want these off though,” you giggled, pointing down at his shorts and boxers.

“Oh, right,” he said, snapping out of his daze. He picked himself up and pulled both down at once, his erection springing free as you quickly gave him a few pumps before lining him up with your already wet core. 

You smashed your lips against him as you slowly slid down his thick shaft, the feeling of him inside of you was something that you could never get tired of. “Joe,” you moaned against his lips, the way he was stretching you out was sending you right to the edge. 

“Fuck, Y/N,” he whimpered as you started moving against him, his hands landing on your hips as he started to help you move. 

You put on of your hands in his dirty blonde curls, softly pulling at the strands as you picked up your pace. You moved your lips down to his neck where you spent a few moments sucking on his soft skin which was sure to leave a pretty purple mark

“You feel so good,” he breathed out as his head fell back. You continued to move up and down him, the car filling with breathy moans and skin slapping which made you both even more desperate for more. 

Joe wrapped his arms around your torso and started snapping his hips up into you, the sudden change of pace causing you to topple over and your hand to slide against the car window. “F- Fuck, oh my god,” you whined as you leaned on him, the new angle causing him to reach new spots inside of you.

“You like that?” he whispered in your ear.

“Mmhm,” you breathlessly nodded as he continued to rapidly thrust into your slick core. 

A few moments later, you leaned back again and placed both hands on either side of his shoulders as you started to rock your hips back and forth. This new movement made Joe lose it.

“Fuck, I can’t..That’s it...That’s my girl,” he whimpered as he gripped your waist tightly, his brain fully fogged and the heat in his belly getting stronger. 

The words that were coming from his mouth and the tension in your belly increasing made you lose it. “Joe, I’m so close,” you moaned as you felt your walls slowly tighten around his cock. 

He moved a hand down to where you two were connected, the mere sight of that drove him crazy let alone the feeling of being connected. He started rubbing circles around your sensitive clit, giving it a few rubs and then a gentle pinch which sent you right to the edge. “Oh my god,” you screamed, your high hitting you like a ton of bricks.

“I’m close,” he groaned as he began snapping his hips up into you again, your walls squeezing him in the best way possible as the wetness below you increased. 

“J-Joe,” you whimpered as you leaned back, your high still washing over you as he continued to push deeper inside of you. 

“I’m about to cum,” he moaned as he ran his veiny hands along the sides of your thighs.

“S- Shit..pull out,” you panted as you looked down at him.

“Why?” he breathed out as he met your tired eyes.

“J-Joe, fuck…cum on my stomach,” you moaned as you placed your hand on his chest. 

Joe stared at you in awe for a few seconds. He had never seen you like this before, but he loved it. He loved this side of you and he loved you. He nodded as he stopped his movements and easily slipped out of you, the loss of contact making you squirm in his lap, “Shit,” you whimpered as you felt your release seeping onto him.

He gave himself a few pumps as he watched you catch your breath, your gorgeous body glistening because of the light coming into the car from the street lights. A few seconds later thick ropes of cum spilled out onto your belly, the sight making you feel euphoric. “Y/N,” he moaned as his head fell back again. 

You looked back up at him and grabbed his head so that he was looking at you, “Look at me,” you panted as you felt him release more ropes of his pearly cum onto you while the rest was dripping down your belly. 

“You are amazing,” you grinned as you pulled his head forward and captured his lips in a heated kiss as he fell back into the seat with you closely pressed against him, your lips moving against each other in a sensual tango.

After a few minutes of catching your breaths and whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears, you spoke up. “Sooo, are we going to talk about earlier?”.

“I think we just did,” he smiled at you, referring to what just transpired in the backseat of his car. 

End of flashback 

Then it was your best friend Lydia (the only one who knew about you two since she picked you up from his house the morning after the christmas party) catching on to what you two were up to which resulted in you fawning over how amazing it was to her. 

Flashback to the phone call

“Sooo, how is it,” she asked through the phone, you could practically feel the smirk on her face. “And I’m asking because this time I know for sure you’ve had sex with him,”.

“How can you be so sure?” you giggled as you fell back against your soft sheets. 

“Nobody, and I mean Nobody is going to believe the lame-ass excuse you gave me about building Ikea furniture at Joe’s house as to why you couldn’t Facetime me earlier. You wouldn’t be caught dead within 5 feet of a hammer and an instruction manual. You weren’t building a bed, you were probably breaking it,” she teased.

“Lydia!” you screamed as your jaw dropped, you couldn’t help but laugh at the silliness of it all. You both were truly making up for lost time with how your relationship was developing, doing everything you wish you could’ve done with each other in college. 

“Soo,” she said, expecting more from you.

“Fine,” you laughed. “It’s really really really good,”.

“Like how good?” she asked.

“Hmmm, as good as a bottle of cold water at 3 in the morning,” you smiled.

“Damnnn, okay Joe,” Lydia laughed.

“He’s so comforting and gentle with everything. He talks me through it all, says the sweetest things to me, looks at me like I'm the rarest diamond in the world, and showers me with all the love in the world. He always ensures I’m fine and wants to do it as much as he does. It’s just so perfect,” you said as you flipped over onto your stomach and started moving your feet back and forth like a child.

“Aww,” she cooed. 

“But he’s also very good at everything he does, never makes me feel unsatisfied or unappreciated...There's a side to him that is less lover and more motivated by raw desire. I think if he got even better at it, I would have a stroke,” you blushed. “Just know I have a bottle of Advil on standby because…Damn,” you giggled.

“I love this for you. He sounds like everything you needed in your life,” she said. 

“I’m really happy, Lydia. Like I don’t know what I did to deserve him, but I can’t get enough,” you said as you felt your heart skip a beat. 

“Lovergirl finally got her Loverboy. All is right in the world,” she smiled through the phone. “You two are tooth rottingly adorable and sweet,”. 

“Adorable, sweet, desperate, horny. We’re a mix of a lot of things,” you laughed as you stuffed your face into the pillow.

End of flashback 

“Good god, someone please spray us with anti-horny spray,” you laughed as you felt yourself getting worked up. 

You took everything off and put it back in its spots before you put your clothes back on and turned the closet light off. You walked into the bathroom to do your nightly routine of brushing your teeth and washing your face before getting comfy in his bed. 

You pulled up his contact and looked over at the time, “He’s probably still awake,” you said as you clicked on the photos you took earlier and sent them to him. “Hopefully he’s alone,” you laughed when you realized how embarrassed he’d be if he opened these photos around others. 

You turned the TV and put on a movie as you set your phone to the side, a few moments later the screen lit up with texts from Joe.

Joe: holy fuck 

Joe: holy fuckkkkkkk baby 

Joe: you look so sexy what the fuck.

Joe: you doing this to me knowing i’m a good 30 minutes away and can’t leave is criminal. 

You: doing what?

Joe: Y/N.

You: fineeee. i just wanted to show my appreciation and since you’re not here this was my best option.. 🤷‍♀️

Joe: that necklace looks even better on you than it does me. and that hat too. god, you’re so pretty

You: thank youuu but that necklace was about to break my neck. don’t know how you do it 

Joe: i’m glad you put it on though. you look hot as fuckkkk. i’m struggling to keep it together right now 

You: settle down QB. you have a game tomorrow, save that energy for the field 

Joe: just wait until after the game. im getting my appreciation in person too, i’m making sure of it

You: only if you win for me 

Joe: you got it gorgeous 

You: you should probably go to sleep now, you need to get your full beauty sleep 

Joe: you’re probably right

Joe: i miss you 

You: miss you too, J

Joe: i’ll see you in the morning. i love you and thanks for that treat :)

You: i love you more and of course. just don’t have too many scandalous dreams or you’re going to wake up frazzled  

Joe: no promises.. i have hot ass girlfriend so my brain has a mind of its own

You: night joey

Joe: night sexy ;)

You smile as you put your phone on the nightstand and turn the TV off before turning the lights off. You got comfy under the covers and laid your head against his pillows, his natural scent lingering on them making you smile as you closed your eyes and fell asleep.

The next morning 

You felt a pair of soft lips press delicate kisses along your face, your eyes slowly fluttering open as you saw Joe sitting on the bed next to you with a huge smile on his face. “Morning, sunshine,” he smiled as he moved your hair out of your eyes before kissing your lips.

You quickly scooched up and pulled him in for a hug, “Mmm, morning. I missed you,” you said as you pressed lazy kisses along his neck. 

“How did it feel being the lady of the house while I was gone,” he laughed before kissing your cheek and pulling away from the hug. 

“Good,” you yawned as you stretched your arms out. “I think I’ll do just fine here,” you smiled. 

“Amazing,” he smiled before leaning forward and pressing two sweet kisses to your forehead, a soft laugh coming from your lips because of his sweet actions, and also because you remembered the first time he kissed your forehead. Forehead kisses were one of your favorites, so sweet and intimate.  

“Why are you laughing,” he said while raising an eyebrow.

“That forehead kiss,” you smiled. 

“What about it?” he questioned.

“Reminds me of the first time you kissed my forehead. Remember? Back at my apartment when you showed up with a bunch of goodies to cheer me up after the shitty day I had,”.

“Of course, I remember,” he nodded as he laced his fingers with yours and played with the ring on your left hand. “That was also the first time you kissed my neck,”.

Joe loved it when you kissed his neck, it felt so comforting and sweet; just like you. 

“I never did ask you why you kissed my forehead, Did I?” you asked him.

“Nope,” he shook his head.

“Well, why did you? You never kissed my forehead, even when I had breakdowns worse than that,” you wondered. 

“I kind of had a feeling that you were crying for another reason. A reason you couldn’t tell me about. You were crying because of our relationship, weren’t you?” he asked as he looked up. 

You nodded, “Yeah..I was getting in my head about the whole thing and the possibility of screwing everything up and losing you,” you sighed, dropping your head. 

“But you didn’t,” he said as he moved your head back up. “You didn’t lose me and you won’t lose me,” he smiled. “I kissed your forehead because I actually wanted to kiss your lips, but I couldn’t. I kissed your forehead also because I knew what forehead kisses meant to you and I guess that was my way of showing my love without actually saying it,”. 

“Well, I definitely felt loved in that moment,” you grinned as you leaned forward to kiss him.

“Wait, but why did you kiss my neck? You’d never done that before either,” he asked. 

“Honestly? I don’t know. I think my body knew how much I needed you before my mind did,” you giggled. “It felt right for some reason,”.

“I like that,” he smiled. “It feels right,”.

“Mhmmm,” you giggled as you leaned forward to kiss his neck again. 

“You should go get ready. I’ll grab us breakfast on the way to the stadium,” he smiled.

“So early? The game isn’t until 4:25,” you said while rubbing your eyes.

“Yeah, I know. But since it’s the first playoff game, they want us there early. My parents are going to be there to keep you company too so you won’t get bored. You can explore the stadium if you want as well,” he said as he got up from the bed. “But I think you’d get bored of that since you’ve been coming to every home game for the past few years,”.

“Yeahhh,” you smiled as you got up. “It’s good though. I love catching up with Jimmy and Robin so I’ll be fine,”.

“They do love you a lot,” he smiled as he pulled you in for another hug, your chin resting against his chest as you looked up at him.

“Good thing I love them and their golden baby a lot too,” you smiled before pressing a big, passion-filled kiss to his lips and quickly pulling away from him. 

“Teaseeee,” he laughed and shook his head as you walked into the bathroom with a smirk on your face. 

A little while later, you walked downstairs after getting ready and saw Joe facing the kitchen as he was seated on the barstool and scrolling on his phone. He heard your footsteps behind him so he turned around, his jaw on the floor once he saw you. 

You were wearing baggy black leather cargo pants, a tight skin-fit orange crop top, a ‘Burrow’-themed bomber jacket, and his smaller ‘9’ necklace. Your shoes were orange and black, a little ‘9’ carved in on the sides. 

“Y/N…” he said as he got up, watching you do a little twirl as you walked over to him.

“You like?” you smiled.

“I love,” he said as he took in your outfit again. “That’s my girl,” he smiled as he touched the smaller iced-out ‘9’ chain around your neck. 

“I hope it’s not too much. I wanted to make my first official appearance as Joe Burrow’s girlfriend a good one,” you said as you bit your lip.

“It’s perfect. You look absolutely stunning,” he said, sealing his words with a kiss. “I’ve dreamed of this, seeing you wearing my number as my girlfriend and not just my best friend,”.

“I’m glad I could make it come true,” you giggled. “Oh wait! I almost forgot something,” you froze. 

“What? I don’t see how you could make this better than it already is,” he laughed as he admired your sick jacket. 

You winked at him as you pulled up your pants, showing your socks off to him. “One sock inside out,”. 

Joe’s heart skipped a beat when he saw the inside-out sock. He had been wearing one of his socks inside out since his early college days, a pre-game ritual that had become a tradition for him every time he stepped out on the field. The fact that you were partaking in this with him made his heart flutter, the fact that you remembered made his heart flutter. 

“Y- You remembered,” he mumbled as he looked up at you with his soft eyes. 

“Of course, I remembered,” you said while gently punching his shoulder. “This is one thing that makes you, you. You’re still the same guy you were all those years ago and the fact that you still do these things is adorable,” you grinned, your hand going into your pocket as you reached for something.

“Aaandd, almost forgot this too,” you said as you handed him a Caramel Apple sucker which was a part of another pre-game ritual of his. 

Joe laughed as he took the sucker from your hand, “You’re incredible, you know that?” Joe smiled. 

“No, you’re incredible,” you giggled while you kissed his smooth cheek. He meant the world to you, so doing these things for him was a given. You wanted to make today as special as possible for the two of you.  

A few hours later 

“Are you excited, sweetie?” Robin eagerly asked as she patted your leg.

“Very excited. I can’t wait to see him out there,” you smiled at his parents as you all were sitting inside the Burrow suite. 

“Gosh, I still can't believe you two finally got together. We always knew Joe liked you but I thought he wouldn’t ever tell you since it had been so long,” Jimmy laughed.

“Joey always had a knack for taking his time with things. He always made sure it was the right time to do something, he was never one to rush things. And given how much he cares about you, him taking so long to tell you how he felt made sense,” Robin smiled. “He really cares about you. Just the way he looks at you says everything and more,”.

“The way he was looking at you the night you both told us just gave it away,” Jimmy smiled.

Flashback to when You and Joe told his parents about you two (a couple days after your sister’s wedding)

“And then she just fell right into the waiter and got tequila all over her dress,” Joe laughed as he finished telling his parents about your 21st birthday mishap. 

“We’ve all been a little clumsy when we’re drunk, Joe,” you giggled as you absentmindedly placed your hand on top of his.

Robin’s eyes darted down to both of your hands, she looked at Jimmy through the corner of her eye, a smile on both their faces as they stayed silent.

“Don’t even get me started on the time I had to nurse you back from the massive hangover you got after Lydia’s birthday,” you giggled as you looked at him like you were the only two in the room. “It was brutal,” you smiled as you moved your hand off of his and rubbed his shoulder with your hand. 

Joe’s parents had noticed your behaviors as soon as you both walked through the door. Ever since you got here, you both had been extra giggly and touchy with each other. Whether it was the accidental (but not so accidental) touches when you were putting food on your plates, the little glances at each other that you two had thought you were doing a good job at hiding, or the way you were laughing extra hard at everything Joe said. You were even laughing at things that weren’t even that funny. 

They also noticed the way Joe was looking at you the entire time. His eyes were so clearly filled with love and infatuation, a look in his eyes that they had never seen in him before until now. He did a bad job of hiding it because he was so damn in love with you that it was literally oozing out of him and everyone could see. 

“And that is why I don’t drink that much anymore,” Joe smiled as he placed his arm around the back of your chair, his hand just inches from your shoulder. “Take a page out of my book,”. 

“Don’t need to tell me twice,” you said as you pushed away your wine glass. “I’m gonna use the bathroom real quick,” you said to everyone as you got up from your chair, your hand squeezing Joe’s shoulder as you walked behind him to get to the hallway where the bathroom was.

Joe watched as you walked away, his eyes filled with adoration as his face had the biggest smile on it. He turned back to look at his parents, both of them staring at him like he had something to tell them.

“What?” Joe laughed as he leaned forward to grab his water glass.

“Nothing,” Jimmy shook his head and looked over at Robin who had a skeptical look on her face.

“Okayyyy,” Joe said, a little suspicious of his parents' behavior but decided not to think much about it. “I’m gonna go grab something from my old room, I'll be back,” Joe lied as he got up from his seat.

He didn’t need to grab something from his old room, but he did need to see you alone and this was the best chance he had all night to do so. 

Joe walked over to the bathroom you were in and softly knocked on the door. “Just a minute,” you said as you were fixing your hair in the mirror. 

Joe rolled his eyes and knocked harder this time, “It’s me,” he said. 

You rolled your eyes and unlocked the door for him before going back to fixing your hair in the mirror, “Jeez, if you had to go so bad why didn’t you go to the other bathroom,”.

Joe quickly slipped inside and closed the door behind him, locking the door and then turning back to you. He wrapped his arms around your waist from behind and rested his chin on your shoulder. You looked down at him through the mirror, noticing his almost tired-looking face. “You okay, J?” you softly asked him as you moved your hand to his hair, ruffling the curls a little. His sudden need to be attached to you was slightly worrying. 

“I’m great. I just miss being close to you,” he said as he pressed a kiss to your shoulder. 

“We’ve only been here for a couple of hours,” you giggled as you turned around in his hold, your body now facing him. 

“I know, it’s just annoying not being able to touch you like how I should be touching you in front of everyone,” he sighed as he ran his hands up and down your arms. 

“I know,” you nodded, feeling bad that you were being secretive about your relationship even though this was something you both decided you wanted to do for a bit even though that was coming to a close. Your family already found out (on accident obviously) and Joe’s family did not; hiding it from them was becoming difficult. 

“But, this will do for now,” Joe smiled as he lifted your face to his, capturing your sweet lips in a gentle kiss. You instantly melted into his touch like you were a piece of gourmet chocolate on his tongue, your arms looped around his neck as you felt him lift you up onto the bathroom counter. You spread your legs open to accommodate his large body as you wrapped them around him, your fingers threading through his dirty blonde curls as his tongue invades your mouth and you two get lost in each other’s touch. 

You spent a few minutes making out in the bathroom before you had to stop so that his parents didn’t get suspicious, even though they already were. You quickly fixed yourselves in the mirror before Joe opened the door for you to leave the bathroom, then followed you out. You both turned to walk back to the dining room but froze in your tracks as you saw both of his parents standing at the end of the hallway with their jaws on the floor.

“Are you fucking kidding me,” Joe whispered to you.

“What the hell is it with us and getting caught leaving a room together after doing something scandalous,” you whispered back, this was the same way your sister found out about you and Joe. The Universe was really messing with you at this point. 

“I promise this isn’t what it looks like,” Joe said louder to his parents as they walked closer to you.

“Yeah,” you laughed. “Joe, just uh…needed to talk to me about something,” you lied.

“About what?” Robin raised an eyebrow and looked at you both. 

“Uhhh, umm,” Joe mumbled as he struggled to come up with an excuse. 

“About a girl,” you chimed in, all 3 of their heads flipping over to you. 

“A girl?” Jimmy gasped. 

“A girl?” Joe whispered under his breath. You really couldn’t come up with another excuse? Now he had to lie about having some random girl in his life when the only girl in his life was you. 

“Yeah,” you cleared your throat and said. “He needed some advice,” you reassuringly nodded. 

“Advice,” Robin said. “Joe needed advice about a girl from you? In the bathroom? Right now while you’re at dinner with us?” she asked, still not quite believing you.

“Uhh, yeah,” Joe nodded. “I needed to talk to her alone and this was the best way. I didn’t want to tell you guys anything yet,”.

“Looks like we were caught though,” you nervously fake-laughed as you grabbed onto his bicep, your heated touch sending visible shivers down his spine. 

“We really need to do better at hiding things,” Joe nervously laughed as he looked down at you, his arm moving up and wrapping around your shoulder. 

“I know right? We’re too old to be doing this sneaking around and getting caught thing,” you fake laughed again as you and Joe continued to have an improvised conversation to hopefully get his parents off your scent. 

You continued to go back and forth with the unbelievable lie, Robin and Jimmy both staring at each other with a growing smile on their faces. They knew something was up and you two were really bad liars. 

“Would you two just get together already!?” Robin loudly said as she looked at you guys. Both of you froze, stopped talking, and your eyes widened. 

“What?” Joe asked as he looked at his Mom.

“You heard her,” Jimmy nodded. 

“I think you guys have the wrong idea,” you said. “We’re just-,”.

“Friends?” Robin interrupted. “Y/N, I’ve heard you both say that for 9 years but every time I see you both together, you look like a typical couple,”. 

“Look at you two right now,” Jimmy said, pointing at your body language. Joe’s arm was wrapped around your shoulder and your body was tightly pressed next to his, both of you instantly moving away from each other once you noticed they were right. 

“Ever since you both walked in, we’ve seen the constant touches and looks and heard that never-ending laughter from both of you,” Robin noted. “And I know you two have always been like that, but this is that on steroids,”. 

“Robin’s right. You two are just extra happy and cheery around each other,” Jimmy stated. “Looks like a relationship glow to me,”.  

“Are we not allowed to be extra happy without it being weird?” Joe defensively asked as he ran his fingers through his hair. 

“You are allowed. It’s just a little too obvious now, you both clearly have a thing for each other,” Robin said, not giving up on her observations. “Joe, you literally look at her like she’s the rarest diamond in the world. I can see it in your eyes,”. 

“And Y/N, we can see the way you touch him and what your touch does to him,” Jimmy added. 

His parents really cracked the case open on their own; it didn’t help that you two were so bad at hiding your feelings for each other. You practically handed it to them.  

Joe was beginning to feel antsy as his parents continued going on about their observations. They were talking about how it’s been clear you both have had feelings for each other for years, how they are incredibly visible now more than ever, and how you should do something about it before you miss the opportunity and regret it for the rest of your life. You were attentively listening to them, but Joe was fully zoned out and restless.

“Fuck it,” Joe thought to himself as he looked at you. “They were bound to find out at some point. Let me save them the trouble,”.

He used his hand to turn your head to face him and instantly smashed his lips against yours and kissed you hungrily in front of his parents, both of you hearing gasps and laughter from them as you leaned into the kiss. After a few heated seconds, you both pulled away from each other. 

“Surprise,” he said as he looked back at his parents as you stood there speechless by his boldness. 

“I knew it,” Robin shrieked as she eagerly patted Jimmy's shoulders and jumped up and down. 

You looked over at Joe, your face still stunned at how everything did a full 360 within just a few seconds. “You’re insane,” you giggled as you dropped your head to his shoulder.

“Insanely in love with you,” he said as he kissed your forehead, his parents hearing and smiling even harder at you two. 

“You need to tell us everything right now or I’m throwing all of your old Lego sets into the fireplace,” Robin said with a stern look on her face. 

“Woah, no need to get crazy there Mom,” Joe laughed as Robin’s face quickly changed back to excited as she hugged you both.

“Finallyyyy,” she squealed. “You two are perfect for each other,”. 

“I can’t believe you just did that. I thought our lie was believable,” you shook your head up at Joe. 

“Believable in what dimension? That might’ve been the worst lie we’ve ever told,” Joe said as his Mom let go of you two and he pulled you into his arms. 

“He’s not wrong there,” Jimmy laughed. “Next time, choose a better one,”.

“Well sorry, I'm not used to lying about dating my best friend,” you playfully scoffed. 

“No need to lie anymore though,” he shrugged. “Time to openly show everyone how much I love you. I think I might buy a megaphone and shout it from the top of Paycor so everyone can hear about how I’m winning at life in the best way possible”.

“I love you” you smiled at him, your heart exploding at the thought of showing your deep love for one another to everyone. 

End of flashback 

“I can’t believe you guys came at us like detectives with your observations and everything,” you giggled as you sipped your water. 

“You two just suck at hiding it,” she smiled. “But true love is always hard to hide so that makes sense,” Robin laughed as she looked out onto the field and noticed the team coming out for pre-game warmups. “Oh, looks like it’s warmup time,”. 

You turned around and looked out on the field, seeing all the guys come out of the tunnel, then spotting Joe who was looking up at the suite. 

Robin noticed the smile on your face once you found Joe on the field, she rested her hand on your back and spoke up, “Go down there and see him,” she encouraged. 

“Are you sure?” you asked as you turned back to face her. 

“Absolutely. They won’t mind. I’ve done it a few times myself,” she nodded. 

You hesitated for a few seconds before getting up from your seat. It would be nice to see him down there before the crowds piled in and you were overwhelmed by thousands of fans. 

“Okay,” you breathed out. “I’ll be back,” you smiled as you walked around the table to the exit door. You walked around the concourses and slowly made your way down to the field level. You walked through the tunnel and made it onto the field a few minutes later, spotting Joe on the sideline sitting on the bench staring out onto the open field. 

He didn’t notice you coming over until you were just a few feet from him, his eyes widening and a smile popping up on his face as he saw you getting closer. “What’re you doing down here?”.

“I came to see you,” you grinned as you sat down next to him. 

“You keep surprising me. Now you’re willingly down here in front of everyone,” he laughed as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder and pulled you into his chest before dropping a kiss on your forehead. 

“I mean, I'm going to be down here before the game in front of like 60,000 people. This is nothing,” you smiled as he chuckled above you. “Care to tell me why you were lost in thought just now?” you asked him about why he was staring out onto the field in silence.

“Just taking it in,” he sighed. “It helps me calm my nerves and get my head straight,”. 

“Ah,” you nodded as you watched some of his teammates warm up. You couldn’t even imagine how loud the thoughts in his head were during game day but he still managed to go out there with the most calm attitude, you don’t know how he does it, but he manages to block everything out with a snap of his fingers. 

“Just know that I’m proud of you regardless of the outcome. I know I said you should win for me, but I want you to know that winning or losing doesn’t matter to me at all. I just want you to have fun out there and give it your best,” you said to him as you continued to stare out onto the field, feeling his hand squeeze your shoulder as you continued to calm him with your words. “You are an amazing Football player regardless and will continue to set the league on fire for many more years to come. If you lose tonight, it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. You’re still building a legacy that nobody can undo,”. 

“I love you, baby,” he said to you with another kiss on your head, his heart and soul smiling because of your meaningful words. You always said the right thing at the right time. 

“I love you more,” you smiled as you kissed his neck and scooted closer to him, both of you enjoying this quiet and calm moment with each other before you were interrupted.

“Ooooo, Babbyyyy,” you heard a group of voices say ahead of you. It was Ja’marr, Tee, and Jermaine. 

“We gotta talk about this later, Y/N!” Tee screamed over at you.

“For real! Y'all can’t do this shit and not tell me until a whole ass month later,” Ja’marr yelled. 

“I called it,” Jermaine nodded. “Honorary girlfriend is the real girlfriend,” he said while giving you a thumbs up and a cheeky grin.

“You told them?” you asked as you looked over at Joe, both of your cheeks red from slight embarrassment. 

“I think they could’ve figured it out if they saw us sitting like this, but yeah, I told them earlier,” he laughed. 

“I can’t wait to hear what they have to say,” you blushed as you looked back over at the 3 men, watching as they teased you both with Cupid arrows and air kisses. “Ooooo, Babyyyyy indeed,” you softly laughed, remembering the first time you called each other ‘baby’.

Start of Flashback (early days of your relationship)

You were lying down on Joe’s bed, mindlessly scrolling through your phone as Joe was putting a few things away in his closet. You were so zoned out and unaware of your surroundings that you didn’t even realize when Joe came out of the closet and turned off the TV before turning around and looking at you. 

He didn’t say a word and you didn’t even notice, you just felt a growing weight on your body as Joe suddenly crawled up your body and laid on top of you. You lifted your arms out of the way to look at him, his head instantly finding his home on your chest as he wrapped his arms loosely around your torso. 

You placed your phone to the side as you wrapped your arms around him, one hand playing with the soft strands of his hair while the other one was rubbing his back. “You okay, J?” you softly asked him as you looked down at his adorable face, the ‘out of nowhere’ cuddling a new thing for you.

“Mhm,” he cutely mumbled against your skin, dropping a kiss to your chest before holding you tighter and getting comfy on your warm chest. 

You giggled at the sight of your 6’4, hunky, muscular, very manly, athletic, and strong Boyfriend melting into your body. He was already as adorable as they come but even more adorable whenever he acted like this.

“Why are you laughing?” he said while looking up at you.

“You just look so cute right now,” you smiled as you played with his hair, lightly scratching his scalp at the same time. 

“Thanks, pumpkin,” he said with flirtatious eyes.

“Pumpkin?” you asked, your nose scrunching up at the cringe word. 

“Yeah, muffin,” he laughed. 

“Joe, what are you doing?” you giggled 

“What do you mean, sweet pea?” he asked as he stuck out his tongue and laughed.

You looked at him with confusion before the lightbulb went off on your brain as to why he was calling you these weird names. Pet names, obviously. 

“Oh, sorry. You’re right, honeybun,” you said, trying to hold back a laugh. 

“It’s okay, Princess,” he smiled as you caught on to what he was doing, he used his hand to give your waist a loving squeeze.

You did like Princess though. That one sent butterflies around your body and made you feel warm inside. 

“So how was practice, Sweetie?” you giggled as you asked him. 

“Good as usual, lovebug,” he laughed against you, the pet names getting even more unserious as you both went on. 

“That’s great, Studmuffin,” you giggled again.

“My god, we’re so unserious,” Joe burst out laughing into your chest.

“I know,” you giggled as you threw your head back. “But I like the pet names idea you got going on. I really like Princess,”.

“Okay, what else do we have then, Princess,” he asked while lovingly gazing into your beautiful eyes. 

“Hmmm. There’s Bubs, Bae, Honey, Darling, Sweets…” you began to say.

“All those are cringe except for Sweets,” he laughed.

“Agreed,” you breathed out. “Ooo, what about loverboy?” you asked him as you continued to play with his soft hair.

“I like that, Sweets,” he smirked at you. 

“Good, loverboy,” you laughed again, a permanent smile slapped on your face because of Joe. He always had you extra giggly, smiley, and happy around him. His effect on you was unmatchable. 

“None of the other names feel super natural honestly. They feel weird,” you said as you pressed a kiss to his head.

“Agreed. I think we’re good with these ones,” he nodded.

These ones were good, but they still didn’t feel perfect. You needed something that naturally rolled off your tongues.  

“I still can't believe this is real life,” you contently sighed. “I feel like I’m a pinch away from waking up from this beautiful dream,”.

“Nobody’s pinching you because this isn’t a dream,” he said while kissing your chest again. “This is all real,”.

“I love my life,” you giggled again as you felt Joe press multiple kisses to your skin. 

“And I love you, baby,” Joe said, absentmindedly calling you ‘baby’ as he scooched up to be face to face with you, butterflies filling your body as he was showering you with all the love you deserved. 

“I love you more, baby,” you said while pressing a sweet kiss to his lips before suddenly pulling away. 

You just called each other baby without realizing it, but it was perfect. It was natural.

“Wait, that’s it,” you said as your heart skipped a beat. “Baby. That’s it, that’s the one,” you smiled at him.

“Baby,” he said, the word so easily rolling off his tongue. “Classics are always the best,” he nodded. 

“And it rolled off our tongues without any pre-planned effort,” you eagerly smiled. 

“Baby,” he whispered. “Baby, come here. Baby, where’s my sweatshirt? Baby, let’s go hook up in the storage closet,” Joe smiled as he tested out the name.

“Joe!” you shrieked as you playfully slapped his chest. 

“I’m sold. I love it,” he grinned. 

“Good. I love it too, Baby,” you smiled before you pulled him down for another passionate kiss. His arms wrapped around you as he pressed his body closely against yours, your heartbeats meshing together.

Sometimes home wasn’t four walls and a roof, it was 2 arms and a heartbeat.

End of flashback 

“Where’d you go?” Joe asked as he rubbed your shoulder, snapping you out of your flashback. 

“Hm? Oh, nothing,” you smiled at him as you played with his fingers. “Just thinking,”.

“Good things, I hope?” he said as he laid his head against yours.

“It’s always good things with you, don’t ever worry about that,” you smiled after you pressed a passionate kiss to his lips. 

“Joe! Come out here, we need you,” Tee yelled over as he motioned for Joe to come out on the field. 

“Sorry, Y/N!” he added. 

“No worries,” you yelled back before you looked over at Joe. “Duty calls, Quarterback,” you nodded at him.

“Unfortunately,” he sighed as he got up from the bench, extending his hand to help you up. “I’ll see you in a bit though?”.

“I’ll be right there, front and center,” you blushed as he pulled you in for a tight hug. 

“Make sure to wear the peach lipgloss,” he said as he dropped a kiss on your head before letting go of you and jogging out to the field. 

“Would never forget it,” you yelled out to him, watching him look back at you with an enamored look on his face. 

An hour later - Game Time

“Deep breath in, Deep breath out,” you thought to yourself as Joe’s parents led you down to the sideline family section. The air was electric, buzzing with the collective energy of thousands of fans. The shouting, cheers, and chants blend into a beautiful symphony of sound that vibrates through your chest. 

The bright lights seem to follow you with every step as you walk down onto the field, walking past the screaming fans on one side and the football staff on the other. You were used to all of this considering you’d been a part of his football journey since day 1, but this time it felt different. The sea of people around you felt a tad overwhelming but incredibly exhilarating. There’s a sense of being both tiny and monumental at the same time–part of something much larger than yourself, yet with all eyes on you. 

“They should be coming out any minute now,” Robin said once you reached the roped-off family section from where you could see the entire field. “How are you doing?” she asked, noticing your slightly overwhelmed facial expression. 

“Good,” you breathed out. “I can feel all the eyes on me though,” you giggled.

“I think your outfit might have something to do with that,” she smiled as she rubbed your back. “They can see that his girlfriend came to play today,”.

“Yeah,” you blushed. “She did,” you grinned as you played with the ‘9’ on your necklace.

A few minutes later, they started setting everything up for the players run outs, your heartbeat picking up once you realized you were about to see him and this was really going to set in. 

“Fuck, I can’t forget this,” you whispered to yourself as you reached into your pocket for your peach lipgloss. You carefully but quickly smeared the gloss over your plump lips as you heard and watched the team run out. The crowd erupted as the music blared throughout the stadium and you could practically feel the vibrations underneath you right now. 

“And the Quarterback of the Cincinnati Bengals, Joe Burrowww!” the announcers yelled over the speakers, your heart stopping as you heard the stadium erupt once more as the electricity in the air got dialed to 100. 

“Here he comes,” Robin squealed next to you as she placed her hands on your shoulders and gently shook you around because of how excited she was for you. 

And there he was. 

The man that swept you off your feet, the man that completed your world, the man that loved you in ways that you thought were impossible. There he was running out of the tunnel and onto the field–and he was running straight to you. 

You smiled at him as you watched him take his helmet off with one hand, using his other to fix his hair as he got closer to you. The crowd behind you losing their minds because of the detour he took over to this area of the sidelines. 

“Joe!! Marry me!” one fan screamed. 

“Have my babies!” another screamed.

“Yeahhh, get 'em’ shiesty!” another screamed.

“Ahhhh, he’s coming over here,” another one screamed. 

You paid 0 attention to what was happening around you because as soon as you laid your eyes on him, everything went silent. It felt like it was just the two of you in that stadium. 

“Fuck, he looks good,” you whispered under your breath as you gave him a slow once over, the Orange Jersey he had on was your absolute favorite.

Joe reached the roped-off portion of the family section and placed his helmet on the ground, first greeting his parents and sharing a few words with them before moving to you, who was eagerly waiting for him to notice you. 

“Hi,” you grinned at him.

“Fancy seeing you here,” he wiggled his eyebrows. “Come here often?”.

“Nah, first time,” you giggled. 

“Well, how’s the experience so far rookie? Is it everything you dreamed of?” he asked you as he caught his breath. 

“Everything and more,” you smiled at him, and he flashed his million-dollar smile at you in return. “When you smile that beautiful smile, all the girls in the front row scream your name. Just listen to them,” you giggled as you heard the loud girls screaming his name amongst some other bold things. 

“Okay, but I can’t take my eyes off of you, and only you. As far as I’m concerned, you’re the only girl in this stadium right now,”. 

“Please, I’m just another wide-eyed girl who’s desperately in love with you. Your whole fan club is here,”.

“Pshh, please. The fan club can go find someone else to thirst over. I have all I need right here,” he smiled as he grabbed your hand and pulled you closer, the rope preventing him from fully holding you. “Mm, this is a problem,” he sighed. 

“Sorry, I’m off limits,” you winked. 

“Nope,” he shook his head as he placed his hands on either side of your hips.

“Joe, what the hell are you-,”.

“Curl your legs up,” he whispered in your ear as he picked you up and lifted you to the other side of the rope, practically carrying you over it. 

“Holy shit,” you widened your eyes at what he just did in front of everyone. You could hear the loud chatter behind you, everyone sounding incredibly confused as to what was going on in front of them. 

“Not off limits anymore,” he smiled as he set you down and fixed your hair. 

“I could’ve climbed under the ropes…” you said, still frozen in shock.

“Yeah, but that wouldn’t be dramatic enough for us,” he laughed as he met your beautiful eyes. 

“Fair point,” you giggled. 

“I’m really glad you’re here. This is all I’ve ever wanted,” he said as he turned a bit more serious. 

“This is all I’ve wanted too. I’m glad we decided to give this a chance, well, more than a chance. I know it hasn’t even been that long, but I’m all in,” you looked at him with your adorably soft eyes that he loved to get lost in.

“I’ve been all in since the day I saw you,” he blushed. 

“Damn, am I that captivating?” you giggled as you fanned yourself from the flattery. 

“Do you need me to answer that for real or…,”.

“No need. You can show me later,” you winked as you watched him quickly look over his shoulder at the time, seeing that he had to go back to his area for kickoff. 

“I gotta go,” Joe breathed out. 

“Okay,” you nodded as you shoved your hands in your pockets. “Have a good game,” you innocently teased. 

“Mm, Mm,” Joe shook his head. “Nope,”.

“What?” you wiggled your eyebrows. “You need something else?”.

Joe reached out and put his hand in your jacket pocket, pulling you into him as you stumbled because of the sudden movement. Your eyes were glued to your feet as you slowly moved your head up and looked up at him, “I need my good luck kiss,” he grinned. 

“Fine,” you playfully rolled your eyes and sighed. “If you insist-,” you began to say before you felt Joe smash his lips against yours, his hand firmly planted on your ass as he pressed you closer to his body. He groaned into the kiss as he tasted your delicious lip gloss on your lips. He placed his other hand on your waist as your hands looped around his neck, both of you getting lost in the sensual yet sweet kiss and forgetting about where you were and what was happening. 

You were sure that everyone around you was probably screaming, taking a dozen photos and videos, and probably screaming at you to get away from Joe. But you didn’t actually hear any of it. It was just the two of you out there. In a stadium packed with thousands upon thousands of fans, it felt like it was just the two of you there. 

A few seconds later, you both pulled away, still holding onto each other though. You and Joe were both a little breathless as you both laughed at each other.

“Peach Lip Gloss. You didn’t forget,” he winked. 

“I could never forget,” you smiled as you heard a staff member call out for him. “Oops, looks like I’ve kept you too long,”.

“The game can wait,” he rolled his eyes. 

“Uhh, I don’t think that’s how that works,” you laughed as you threaded your hands in his hair.

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” he said as he dropped his head. 

“Hey,” you said as you lifted his head back up and cupped his cheek. “Remember, you’re amazing and you’re going to kill it out there. Win or Lose, you are still one of the best damn quarterbacks to get onto that field in recent memory,”. 

“I love you, Y/N,” he smiled, his heart beating right out of his chest at this point. 

“I love you, Loverboy,” you giggled.

“Go get 'em’, Superstar,” you grinned as you pressed a final kiss to his lips. 

After the Game

They won. The Bengals had won their first playoff game of the postseason. 

Joe killed it, to say the least. He was out there playing with an extra edge, an edge many were curious about.

The only ones that knew where his newfound edge came from were the two of you. You were the edge he was playing with. He knew you were watching and he knew how much this all meant to you, he wanted to make it perfect. 

And he did. 

From start to finish he played an excellent game, one of the best games of his NFL career is what many were calling it. 

Currently, you were seated on a bench outside the locker room as Joe was about to go into his postgame conference. You couldn’t wait to see him. Your phone was blowing up with messages and various notifications about you and Joe but you were holding off on looking at them because you remember he said that he wanted to do it together. 

You pulled up the Bengals App and tapped on the live feed for the conference, your heart, soul, and face lighting up once you saw Joe sit down with a huge smile on his face. 

“Hello, Hello,” he cutely said into the mic as he got comfortable. 

“So, Joe. Looks like you had one hell of a game out there,” one reporter said. 

Joe laughed as he pushed his hair back with his hand, “Yeah, I guess I did,”.

“Any reason in particular? Looked like you were playing with an extra edge out there,” another reporter asked. 

“Just good vibes and feeling 100% all around,” he sighed. 

“So, it had nothing to do with what happened on the sidelines before the game?” another reporter asked.

“Can they ask him that?” you whispered to yourself as you raised an eyebrow. 

Joe let out a soft chuckle before responding, “Honestly. It had everything to do with that,” he boldly said. 

Gasps and murmurs began to fill the conference room before another reporter spoke up. “Joe, we know you don’t really talk about your private life, but we have to know. That looked like one of your friends from college from what we’ve seen about you over the years,” they said. 

“If you’re comfortable with sharing anything about that, we’d love to hear it,” another reporter added. 

Joe paused for a few seconds before taking a deep breath. “Yeah, it is. That’s Y/N. She’s my bestest friend in the entire world ,” he nodded. “But also my girlfriend. She means the world to me and is a big reason why I go out there every Sunday and do what I do. She’s been by my side since day 1 back at Ohio State. She’s stuck by my side through everything in my career and my personal life, she never failed to show up for me no matter the situation or circumstances. She’s done it for 9 years and she doesn’t plan on stopping anytime soon and I do the same for her. I love her more than words can describe. She’s my everything,”. 

You felt a tear trickle down your face as you heard him talk about you most sweetly and lovingly way possible. He truly loved you and wasn’t afraid of openly showing it. 

His everything. 

You were his everything. 

–The End–

[shalomniscient]

@ the anon who sent in the fuckgirl feixiao ask, tumblr died on me and sent your ask into the void while i was working on it 💀💀💀 so i’m rewriting it as a regular post shdhskksks my apologies 😔😔😔 this has some abo themes and very generous usage of the ‘love at first sight’ trope. also do mind the tags !!!

cw. allusions to/mentions of slavery

feixiao likes to call herself the lacking general, for she lacks in rivals, regrets and worries. yet for all she enjoys this title, there are instances where it certainly does not apply. for example, she does not lack in loyalty, in strength and in courage. but perhaps most importantly, is thatshe very much does not lack in women.

the merlin’s claw has somewhat of a reputation for being a rather… notorious tomcat. it is not uncommon to find the general at one of the few turquoise pavillions dotted across the yaoqing. of course, these establishments are vetted and regulated by the responsible commissions, and any services provided within the walls of the compound are entirely legal. after all, it would certainly be quite the scandal if the general frequented a place outside the law for any other reason than to bring down its judgement. in any case, many of these establishments eagerly await the foxian’s arrival upon every victorious battle, which is when she arrives with her entourage of soldiers in tow, high off a win against the abundance devils. drink and pleasure and debauchery flow freely on these nights like lifeblood.

and in the middle of it all sits feixiao, the great general and the star of the show. she’s surrounded by courtesans eager for her attention, who giggle and coo and bat their lashes at each word she says. they’re pretty—naturally—and perhaps a little too well into their cups. the bolder ones reach out to touch her arms, bare of her coat, tracing their fingers over the muscles of her biceps. they breathe sultry promises into her ears, coy and inviting, but feixiao hardly hears a word, because she’s far too preoccupied looking at you.

you’re entertaining a group of her men, refilling their tankards and smiling politely as they babble drunkenly. she drinks in the sight of your profile from afar like you’re the only drink she’ll indulge in tonight, from the line of your jaw to the swell of your lips and the bare, exposed skin of your nape. her gaze lingers on your hands, definitely smaller than hers, and she wonders what it’d be like to lace them with her own. what it’d be like to feel them card through her hair, scratch the base of her ears, and cradle the curve of her cheek. something bone-deep aches in her, and she’s standing up and moving before her brain even catches up to her body. the whines of the courtesans she’s left behind don’t even register as she walks up to you, an unfamiliar but not unwelcome flutter in her chest.

(feixiao will later learn that what she feels is want. she doesn’t recognise it at first, because the first thing all slaves learn is that your wants are unimportant. but she is free now, has been for years, and this wanting in her chest is here to stay—and all it wants is you.)

so when you lift your head look at her, meeting her teal eyes, she’s completely and utterly gone.

feixiao has never believed in true mates. the childhood she had—if it could even be called such—could certainly kill any notion of fate or romance in a person. nothing could ever undo those scars, but something in her soothes at the sight of you and the scent of you that fills her nose, light and sweet like mint and honey. it settles on her tongue, and she swallows like she wants to drown in it. to feel it fill her lungs until it permeates into her blood. she runs her tongue under the pointed tips of her fangs, aching with want, before offering as charming a smile as she can muster and asking for your name.

you give it to her, and the rest, as they say, is history.

[minhosimthings]

Hello everyone. So I wanted to talk about something a bit serious here and that is regarding the matter of the age of tumblr user/writer @/deluluriddhi.

Riddhi, who claims to be 21 on Tumblr, is, in fact still a minor in real life, 12 to be exact. Riddhi has told me about this matter through our dms. I've known about this for a little while and the reason why I’m only speaking up about it now is because I’ve felt conflicted about the situation and of the pressure piling up on my shoulders. I truly apologise for not speaking up about this earlier and i feel disgusted with myself that I couldn't bring myself to do it, but I believe that this is what is right.

Some of my mutuals who also know about Riddhi's age (I will not say who they are to protect their privacy) agree that Riddhi shouldn't be interacting with our NSFW blogs. Yes, you can be a minor and be on Tumblr and interact with sfw posts but posting NSFW links and content, interacting with NSFW content and lying about your age is far too much.

Riddhi has claimed to almost every person, including me, who she had trusted her secret with that they were the only ones who knew about her secret , yet accused multiple mutuals of “exposing her age” to me per anon message.

I have proof too. Some of my mutuals (again not telling you who they are because privacy) has sent me the texts of when Riddhi told them about her true age. I also recently received an anon ask about this matter.

Please do not give any hate to Riddhi. I get it she's done something which is highly looked down upon in tumble but a part of me still believes she doesn't need to receive hate.

Tagging some moots: @heeliopheelia @angel1kisses @junnieverse @hoonven @chlorinecake @candewlsy @haecien @amazzwon @jaeyunluvr @mxxninthesky @666booklover @heeslut4life @alvojake @wonlvkay @wondipity @moon7jay @lilyuwon @heelvstdd @markmyheartz @hoes4hoseok @sunghoonsgff @sungvrhs @pockettwinzz @hoondrop

[littlegreenfag-archive]

Regarding @littlegreenfag

Tldr: Adina, known by the Tumblr urls littlegreenfag and prksoda, has spent the past several years lying about many facets of their life. The list of lies includes, but is not limited to, being half manouche Romani, being Jewish, and being descended from Holocaust survivors.

I never wanted to have to do this. I’ve spent months trying my best to encourage Adina to come clean themself. My methods were not ideal. I should not have used anonymous messages. I used to be friends with them, I should've talked to them openly as their friend. I also should’ve attempted to be less aggressive at times, even though I think it is incredibly reasonable to have felt the way I felt when I was sending some of those messages. I understand and regret both of these things. Unfortunately, since Adina has deactivated @littlegreenfag, I cannot provide links or screenshots to every ask of mine that they responded to, only those I saved at the time. I will do this later, upon request. This post is already going to be enough of a monster without them.

Though the last day has been a complete nightmare, I am satisfied with one thing: Adina came clean about everything, even if not publicly. My worry was always with the though of having to reveal their personal information, as many of the things they’ve lied about would require me to, functionally, dox them. Though it's technically all public, I would much rather that no one who doesn't already have access to this information gain it.

So, why am I writing this post? For those of you who were on Adina’s blog last night, you may have seen this post. I was also able to save a capture of their blog on the Internet Archive. Here is a screenshot that I took around when the post was first published. Apologies for the formatting.

To summarize, Adina begins to by admitting to a small lie, that they were born in Chicago, before admitting that they had been lying about their race. Though it was not present at the time of the blog's deletion, I would like to note that Adina had the phrase "jewish and half-romani" in their blog's bio for a very long time. This phrase was quietly removed after I sent the first anon message telling them that I was aware of their lies, on March 16th 2024. This can be seen on the Wayback Machine, by looking at the capture taken on March 5th, 2024, in comparison to the capture taken on March 24th, 2024.

That is what you may have seen. However, it is not the only major lie Adina has told. After suggesting Adina should turn off anons, I sent them another ask with my blog name visible, telling them that I could tell everyone about the other lies for them, if they wished to log off and be done with it. They messaged me privately, and this is the resulting conversation.

I apologize for the block of images, but I figured it was necessary to include the entire conversation. Here, Adina openly admits to not being Jewish. Adina has spent months receiving social benefits for claiming to be Jewish, and they've even used this claim to support arguments. Truth be told, Adina has one Jewish great-grandfather. How Adina expected me to believe they would know about this without knowing his surname, I will never know. However, I should emphasize that Adina is not Jewish by the standards of any main movement of Judaism. Orthodox and Conservative look for an unbroken line of Jewish women, while Reform asks that you be raised Jewish by a Jewish parent. Adina is descended from a Jewish man who converted to Catholicism and raised his children Catholic.

Regarding the Holocaust claim, I understand hat Adina did not directly address this. I will say that I find it suspicious that they deactivated as soon as I mentioned it, but they technically never confirmed it was a lie. However, with the information that:

The ancestors they mention as being survivors or victims quite literally do not exist and

Their Jewish ancestor was born in the United States well before WWII

I believe it is quite safe to say this was also a lie. My screenshots of their claims come mostly from their Reddit account, which is now deleted.

It is absolutely ghoulish to me to create fake relatives so that you can pretend they were tortured and killed during the Holocaust. All to receive sympathy.

Though there are many, many other lies Adina has peddled, such as being a child of divorce and having a dead biological mother, I don't think any of them matter much in the grand scheme of things when these are the other lies that have been told.

It is also worth noting that this is a pattern of behavior from Adina. As some of you who followed them may know, back in 2019, a blog was created with the intent of calling them out for lies. Frankly, this blog, @prksodalies , is what put me on to Adina's trail in the first place. Though I believe that several of the things Adina was accused of on this blog are downright cruel to accuse someone of without evidence, the fact that there were so many smaller obvious lies made me very uneasy. What specifically made me curious was the post, here, where Adina claims that they are half Lebanese. Obviously, this did not make a ton of sense with the half Roma and half Ashkenazi Jewish Adina we all knew. As it turns out, this was one of the very few shreds of truth from Adina. They're a quarter Lebanese on their father's side, and other than that and a Jewish great-grandfather, are of mostly Polish and German descent.

This being a pattern of behavior, alongside the way Adina behaved in messages with me, tells me that this will likely unfortunately not be the last time this person creates a Tumblr blog with a fabricated life story. I feel immense guilt at the thought that they may continue to swindle and hurt people, and that I will never know or be able to help again.

To everyone who was friends with this person and has been hurt by their actions, I am truly, truly sorry. This has been an absolutely miserable experience for me and I can't imagine it's much different for any of you. If you have questions, I'll be available for a least a few hours. I do not want to share any of their personal information, but I will share what I need to (privately) if some of you need or want more information.