#but this is how I improve: by continuing to write in spite of the quality

[elsalouisa]

"Volodia was an extraordinary being, a living instrument of rare sensitiveness which could of itself produce sounds of startling melody and purity and create a world of bright images and harmonies. In years and experience he was still a child but his spirit had penetrated into regions reached only by a few. He had genius. The first child of my father's second marriage, he confirmed the theory that exceptional children are born of a great and exceptional love. When he was still a baby there was something indefinable about him that set him apart from the others. When he was a child, in fact, I considered him a nuisance, affected, and priggish. But later I understood that he was simply a being older than his years lost in the milieu to which his age assigned him. His parents saw how different he was from the others and wisely did not try to shape him according to pattern as had been done with us. They allowed him comparative freedom to develop his unusual abilities. While still a child he wrote good verse and very fine plays, to be acted by his small sisters. He played the piano j he painted j and at a very early age astounded people by his extensive reading and his extraordinary memory. Until he was sixteen, he shared my father's banishment in France. Then he was sent to Russia, with the Emperor's permission, and entered in the Corps des Pages, a military school. According to the family tradition he was to be an officer. There was nothing military in his character, but the years spent away from an adoring family, the contact with boys of his own age, and the discipline of the school did him a lot of good. He became more natural, simpler in his ways. Having formerly spoken Russian very badly, he quickly learned his mothertongue and knew it better than many of those who had lived in Russia since childhood. The many subjects studied at the Corps did not prevent him, even there, from developing his own abilities. At eighteen he brought out a first book of verse which made something of a stir. He wrote with equal facility in three languages, but preferred to publish his first works in Russian. Throughout his stay at the Corps he continued privately to school himself in painting and music. He was more than talented; one had the feeling that mysterious forces worked within him, driving him onward to inspirations inaccessible to ordinary humans and remote from all things mundane. In his later verses, which came out during the war and the revolution, contemporary events were not in the least reflected j his work, on the contrary, was permeated by a profound sense of peace and of spiritual equilibrium...

During the last summer he wrote ceaselessly. Inspiration seemed never to forsake him. He would sit down at the typewriter and write, without pausing, verses that needed almost no correction. Yet in spite of this productivity and this purely mechanical way of writing, the quality of his verse improved continually. It seemed to me then that the speed of his work was somewhat overdone; I remember saying to him once that in pouring forth such torrents of new verse he gave himself no time to polish them. He was then sitting at his desk, one hand propping his cheek while with the other he made notes upon the margins of the poems he had just finished. Having listened to my words he turned towards me his face, always pale, and smiled sadly and somewhat enigmatically. "What I am writing now comes to me in a completely finished form J changes would only spoil the freshness of the inspiration. I must write. After I am twenty-one I shall not write any more. Everything that is in me must find its expression now; it will be too late afterwards. . . ."

Marie, Grand Duchess of Russia "Education of a princess"

[waffowo]

Doctor Who and The Pirates is genuinely the most important audio to understand the 6th Doctor (same as how The Mysterious Planet and Attack Of The Cybermen are) and Evelyn and also why the Evelyn-6th Doctor arc should be essential when following Colin Bakers era.

The audio itself is genuinely a very great piece on the therapeutic nature of art and how it is used (externally and internally) as a means to convey trauma and communicate it to others. Yet it is also fantastic in showing why Evelyn and 6th are so great. The fact that they went through such lengths to help Sally or Evelyn’s continuous attempts to plead with Sally while trying not to give into her despair are such great moments.

It’s the audio that alongside The Mysterious Planet shows what kind of character the 6th Doctor is. In The Mysterious Planet, you can tell that the tension between Peri and 6th has simmered a lot and also, his attitudes towards the planet are genuinely respectful and underrated (with respect to showing positive qualities of the 6th Doctor). In Doctor Who and The Pirates, it’s a display of his growth that he has been undergoing since Attack Of The Cybermen and Trial Of A Time Lord, it’s a logical character progression that couldn’t be seen in the show due to studio interference. It’s one of the best displays of the characters kindness yet showing how he still retains past traits such as his arrogance or ego. You can tell that he isn’t perfect but he he definitely is struggling and trying to be more outwardly “nice” to other people.

And from that, it also demonstrates why the 6th-Evelyn arc should be essential consumption for the Colin Baker era (occurs after Trial). Trial Of A Timelord already ends narratively inconclusively in how it ends with the implication that 6th sends Mel back and more time will pass before he actually meets her. Time And The Rani begins with the Doctor already having spent time with Mel, and thus the Evelyn-6th arc is a good filler for that gap inbetween.

But not just that, people say that the audios “fix” 6th but that isn’t true. Of course I agree that they improve 6th, but that’s because it expands upon what was already there. It doesn’t retcon or rewrite, it offers a direct logical character path from the writing already present! In fact, the 6th Doctor is clearly still learning from Evelyn despite the fact that the arc feels akin to an “endgame” to his character which is really cool.

I chose this audio over let’s say, Project: Lazarus, Jubilee or Arrangements For War because it so clearly exemplifies all of these aforementioned traits. Colin Baker isn’t proving himself more so affirming his position as THE Doctor. He’s eccentric, standoffish and arrogant but also incredibly kind. He’s what Moffat has been conveying (successfully in both cases) about how The Doctor is at his core, in spite of all his flaws, someone who tries to be kind, and I think that’s beautiful.

Also you can listen to this on Spotify SO

[yakultii]

writing can definitely be a very demanding hobby/occupation with all the criticism and feedback that goes into creating prose that is meant to be published.

in my opinion, the most important quality of great writers isn't eloquence, it's the ability to convey an important message to your readers. i've read a lot of your work, and i feel like each poem helps me understand you and catch glimpses of your struggles.

it's normal to be anxious and worry about the outcome, but even the opportunity to do something you're passionate about and share your words with others is something you can be grateful for! even if the feedback is too harsh, or the impact isn't as desired, i admire your attempt to move forward in spite of how difficult it might seem.

good luck!!

ahhhhh thank you so much!!!!

I mean I more have just started writing in recent months as a way to like get outta my head a little/stay afloat (which is somewhat working as I’m not completely driving myself into the ground like have over the past 10 years) - I don’t really aspire for writing to be a career for me in any way (I couldn’t think of anything worse, I think bc I need to do everything at my own pace) I just thought what’s the harm in submitting bc I coincidentally saw their application & knew it was quite a reputable publishing house in my city and for some reason they decided to select some to publish! which I find super cool!! and cool to have something to my name if I did decide to continue on with it, though unsure if I would.. and a part of me really does want to hear feedback to know how I can improve from a technical standpoint but another part of me struggles w all that (also when it comes to academics I’ve never rlly had to face criticisms before bc it’s one of the only things that comes naturally to me so while it’s a new feeling, I’m super grateful for it as it’s cool to be able to actually improve!)

honestly the feedback wasn’t harsh at all and was incredibly minimal like they were mostly happy with everything as it was, just one poem I feel like they misunderstood my message ig so my brain just catastrophises everything!! I’m not so much anxious as I am overwhelmed but it’s not because it’s particularly overwhelming it’s just bc my nervous system is a wreck and a buzzing fly could overwhelm me at this point lol.

Thank you so much for this message. I appreciate it heaps <33 and thank you for reading my writing!!!!

[man-monsters-and-aliens]

Have you seen MVA specifically the tv series and what are your thoughts about it?

yes I have! like twice? or three times selectively? and that was like 2 years ago!

short answer; this show has all my love and hatred for its existence

long answer?

I like the concept of the monster agents having to "share" living space with the aliens, and I do like the idea of the different aliens sort of being foils or compliments to the monsters

the ongoing plots like coverton's relationships with the monsters and how he has redeeming qualities is really nice! and I appreciate some of the continuity like the teleportation bit. I am sad that didn't get resolved or that we got to see through with coverton's invasion plans

sqweep's relationship with link is especially sweet and I hold it so dear to my heart, and even small interactions for sta'abi with the others are also really nice

I adore and appreciate how the monsters interact with each other because they absolutely nailed the family vibe, and just how they behave with the aliens in general since there's that bit of speciescism in there

my favourite eps are;

‌The Toy From Another World

‌Frenemy Mine

‌Maximum B.O.B.

‌It Came... on a Field Trip

‌The Thing with One Brain

‌98 Pound Cockroach

‌Screaming Your Calls

‌It Came From Level Z

‌Driven to Madness

‌The Beast From 20,000 Gallons

‌It Spoke With Authority

‌This Ball Must Be Dodged

‌It Ruled With an Iron Fist

‌Race to the End...Zone!

‌That Which Cannot Be Unseen

(though I honestly don't remember what some of these were about haha)

now onto what I don't like

firstly, Butterflyosaurus isn't there, and secondly, Ginormica isn't ginormic all the time, but we'll touch on these later

the fact that nickelodeon produced it already had my expectations low, and the fact that it was in 3d made it worse. based on the style of the concept arts, I would've loved it better if it was animated that way in 2d.

the character designs for the aliens are so ugly and unappealing (except sqweep she's decent) but even the models are weirdly scaled and disproportionate for the humans. again, the concept arts for coverton, sta'abi, and vornicarn were so much better than the end result, it's a real shame honestly

the characterization for the monsters were awfully flanderised early on so it was very annoying how Bob was portrayed, and though it did improve a lot as the eps progressed there was always something better they could've done, which was frustrating and agonising to watch

I don't remember having any particular loathing towards any certain eps? because I kinda wanna stay positive about it, but my god were some of the writing just nauseating and aggravating I would get so frustrated and angry cause of how stupid it is

a major theme throughout monsters vs aliens is the use of camera angles and the sense of scale, and the other thing is accepting change since her entire life got flipped. that gets completely erased and the quantonium is replaced with hyperium in the pilot, so Susan can go big or small whenever she wants and the whole movie was a waste of time!! it might as well be a superpower instead of considering her a monster cause her whole thing was being abnormaly big!! and it's clear the show did this for convenience sake which really makes it unauthentic, hence why butterfly isn't there or mentioned at all. susan isn't even a main character most of the time it's bob, then doc, then link, and THEN..... coverton.

how poorly this show was mostly handled made me seethe so much that I have an idealised reboot in my head out of spite and love

it had the potential to be good, it just wasn't the best

[a-lil-perspective]

70 Encouragements/Tips For The Writer:

A/N: Rules don’t exist. These are real and personal and stem from a deteriorating, exhausted Writer who is here to tell you (and herself) that you are amazing and keep going. I hope you find some encouragement within.

Your mental health comes first and foremost.

Indulge and embrace your creative writing pieces when they come (and when they don’t). Especially when they don’t.

Suffering from Writer’s Block or fluctuating hyperfixation? Me too. So is your favorite author. Welcome to the Writer’s Block Party (all my uwus if you see the pun).

Did you spend five hours on this one segment, forget the last time you ate, develop chapped lips, dry eyes, and a stiff back (time to get up and move), bang your head on the wall, laugh, cry, fidget, take your ADHD meds, deviate to watch YouTube, have an epiphany, curse in frustration and wonder why the hell you do this to yourself? Congratulations, you’re a Writer.

Embrace all the not-so-glamorous sides of writing, and accept the fact they’re going to happen time over again.

When you say “just one more line” and it’s 2:00 AM, I’ll be here to remind you to “go to sleep” (because I’m also depriving myself lol).

Actually, sleeping helps your mind feel refreshed, and it’s good for your health. If you’re struggling with a particular segment, one of the best things you can do is just put a cap on it for the time being, put in a placeholder, and get some shut eye. I know you don’t want to. But you will feel so much better and have more clarity and energy to continue when you wake. Trust me.

More often than not, those words you “just didn’t write down fast enough and now forgot” end up revealing themselves to you later in a much more profound way. Give the words time to get ready. They’re just spiffing up before coming to visit. :)

Be proud of yourself and your prose. Writing is an amazing part of who you are.

That trope has been written 1000 times before? Make it 1001.

You’ve already written this scenario? Write it again.

You’ve just written a single sentence. Now sit back for moment and think: you just wrote something brand new, never before seen. Nobody out there will ever write that sentence or formulate those thoughts the exact same way. You are a unique, mind-blowing, awe-inspiring human being.

Bask in the excitement that comes with a completed piece. Reflect on what you learned throughout and celebrate the little victories.

Don’t be afraid to ask for feedback, but also understand that you might not always get it, and that is OK.

Please re-read your work. Be gentle with yourself. You had to write that very first piece to get to where you are now. Love the process.

Your personal writing success is not based off of kudos or likes or reblogs.

There is no right or wrong way to write.

There is no such thing as “good” writing.

Improvement is becoming of everyone so get comfy, strap in. The journey of a Writer is a lifelong one. Here’s to many more works ahead.

Don’t mourn the words you did or didn’t write. Celebrate the ones you will.

One day, you’ll read a piece that will blow you away—and it will be yours.

There is nothing “shameful” about reblogging your own writing works.

I promise you’ll find your “wow” piece—either in something you’ve already written, or something yet to come.

Baby. Please don’t write out of spite. You’re better than that.

You are just as valid/deserving as the next Writer. And you do belong.

If you feel sad/unworthy when sharing your works or interacting with others’, get to the root of why. Writing should be fun, rewarding, and relaxing. Not shameful, embarrassing, or a chore.

Writing (fanfiction, specifically) is labeled as “transformative works”. Self-explanatory, right? However, if you notice the transformative part begin to have a personal effect on you—a negative one—it’s time to take a step back.

Right now, I can name a single quality you possess: diligence. How do I know? Because you’re a Writer, and the two go hand-in-hand.

Got that single scene in your head but you haven’t completed or even began all the chapters preceding? Bruh. Jot that down right now. You don’t need 20k words beforehand.

Embrace your writing mood swings. The stray, sweet and condensed blurbie. The ideal, bridging drabble. The solid, substantial oneshot. The hefty, elaborate 10k word chapter. Appreciate everything in-between, and that you are capable of all of it.

Nobody remembers that extra word or typo or stray speech mark back all the way back in chapter 3. Tell the little monster in your head to go to hell.

You’re not a weirdo for making facial expressions and mulling through your dialogue aloud. You. Are. A. Writer.

It’s OK if the Readers can’t always see exactly what you envisioned in your head, or the full extent of the picture you painted. We all see colors differently.

Don’t be afraid to experiment with your writing.

In fact, challenge yourself to dabble into a new plot/trope/concept every day, even if only for a few minutes. You may discover you love writing it.

There’s no rush to finish/begin any written work. If you take your time, you will make your mark. You’re not falling behind or running late. Slow down and wait for it. :)

Three cheers for hiatus.

Listen to your body and mind, know your limits and when it’s time to take a break.

Actually take a break. :)

If you feel like you’re falling stagnant in creativity, looking to/revisiting other forms of creative media can help encourage the flow.

Ask for encouragement, and be at peace with asking.

Take shelter in fellow writers. Uplift each other always.

You are/will be someone’s favorite author. :)

You don’t have anything to prove. You have something to share.

Someone is thinking about your work right now.

Someone started a series because they drew inspiration from you.

Personal writing style can reflect a lot on the state of one’s mental health. Try to always be attentive to that of your own.

Self-validation must be cultivated early on or nothing will ever work.

Freestyle every once in a while. Write a snippet, timed, and go—without editing. Write the first thing that comes to mind and go from there. Do it all the way through the set time. When it stops, you’ll find yourself unable to. 3,800 words here we come. :)

Not everything needs an outline. :)

It is completely normal to write your story out of order.

Create guidelines for yourself. If they aren’t working, toss ‘em.

Word vomiting can help you feel better (it’s just how it sounds). By clearing all those jumbled thoughts and scattered concepts, you achieve a clearer objective. Try it sometime.

A rough draft is supposed to be rough.

Sometimes the words come to you quicker than others. Be patient. That is merely the construct of a Writer’s mind. You’re a beautiful enigma.

A sentence written is a story progressing.

Writing is an endurance sport. You must pace yourself and exercise it daily.

You are still a Writer even when the words aren’t on the actual page.

You’re not obligated to a writing/posting schedule.

As you progress in your journey and gain more awareness, don’t sacrifice your style. Those beginning works are what define you. Hold onto them and don’t ever let them go.

You’re the only one cringing—

Remember that sometimes words are elusive and you don’t always have control over them, and that is OK. Sometimes they write themselves. Sometimes your characters come to life and break out into dance across your page. Dance with them. You can wrangle them back when the music stops. :)

There is nothing condemning or embarrassing about asking for a beta. Allow someone to help carry the load.

Allow people to cheer you on—even if they don’t read your work.

It’s OK if your writing style isn’t someone else’s preference.

Be your biggest cheerleader. Sometimes you are all you have.

You don’t need anyone’s approval except your own.

You love that trope/concept/story you just wrote? That’s all that matters. The end.

You will never write good. You will write you. And that is good.

Above all else: remember to write for you.🤍

[vt-scribbles]

🎶 music and 💥💥💥 BANG!!

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

Oh ABSOLUTELY I listen to music! I find it nearly impossible to write without it, tbh. I always look for instrumental or cinematic music when writing certain scenes. I sometimes even build ambiance tracks with sound effects and such if it calls for it. Fun fact: the Undertale soundtrack is irreversibly tied in with The Harvester's creation. Undertale came out the same month that TH was made, and a lot of characters, scenes, and chapters were made while listening to the OST.

Lately I've been listening to a LOT of Set It Off, almost exclusively. Set It Off is my 'Hema Spite Band' [or one of them] and pretty much 90% of the time will spawn some art of him for my warm-ups. I've been listening to Projector, Cordial, Lonely Dance, Why Worry, Criminal Minds, and Midnight Thoughts in particular on any given day.

---------------------------

💥 How do you feel about criticism?

So....... I have a mixed relationship with Criticism! And it completely hinges on a few things.

1: Did I ask for criticism? 2: What is the nature of the writing? Was it for-fun, or was I TRYING to make something with quality?

For The Harvester, the truth is... I don't like unsolicited critique because 1: I didn't ask for it, and 2: It's... just a roleplay. That's all it is. It's a silly story written between myself and my GF, first-draft, and we don't take it super seriously. It's for fun, and because we like the story and characters! So we don't ask for criticism because tbh, that's not where we want it.

But, for example, sometimes I post mini-stories and actually DO want critique on it. In those cases, I /ask/ for it. I want to seek improvement, and want to hear what I could do better.

I think my biggest problem with online criticism unfortunately, though, is that it often isn't offered in a constructive or healthy way. A criticism should offer both what the person thinks you did wrong, but also what they think you did /well./ That way they know what to build off of, and what to continue doing.

Also... writing criticism is particularly hard because it's much more subjective than, say, the anatomy on a drawing of a human. Every author is trying to achieve something different. One author may be trying to make social commentary, and they would want criticism on their writing to further meet their goal. One author may want to be as grammatically correct and concise as possible. One may want to make you uncomfortable. Another may want to make a steamy romance. Another author [me] may want to paint vivid animations into people's heads, and to take them on fantasy journeys with fun characters and at least vaguely-interesting plots that keep you guessing!

Each of these authors would need a different flavor of criticism. And they don't often overlap. For example, I rarely want criticism on my grammar, punctuation, or more technical things. I focus more on imagery, word choice, sensory stimulation, and making my writing as fun [but understandable] as possible! So it may be at a third-grade reading level, but is it fun??? If yes, then great! My writing structure may be a lil wonky, or a bit amateurish, but that's okay. I'm having fun, and Corrie [my GF] is having fun, and to us, that's all that matters. <3

So, criticism has its place... but it's complicated and subjective, and I don't like receiving it when it's not asked for.

[that-spider-witch]

On the topic of Book!Edward Hyde

Or rather: The topic of his existence (or lack thereof).

Browsing through the J&H tag, I’ve seen a lot of book readers be spiteful of every single adaptation of the character and its pop culture version because it misses the moral of the book: That Hyde and Jekyll were just one and the same, and that Jekyll was the one doing all the bullshit that went down and that Hyde was just a mask to keep his reputation intact.

Most of these rants go on to imply or outright accuse of any author doing the split personality take on the plot to have never actually read the original book, or that Edward Hyde never existing is something that the book leaves loud and clear, something irrefutably canon.

Having read the book too, I’m here to say: Yes and no. You could read the book and still get a “two character, one body” impression from it. Allow me to explain...

While the plot of “Jekyll is Good, Hyde is Bad” is truly bullshit and the very thing that the original novel rips into pieces, whether Hyde could be considered to have a will of his own is a little more ambiguous and it can actually be interpreted either way.

Note that I’m using the word “will” and not “personality”: Hyde is still Jekyll, they both have the same personality, but while Jekyll is a rational human being, Hyde is Jekyll but without the strings of societal norms, morals and impulse control holding him down.

Book readers who go by the take that Hyde never existed also claim that the book is very clear that the changes brought by the formula are just external: Jekyll is completely himself the whole time and “Hyde” is just a mask.

And this is true... At first. Depending on how you interpret Jekyll’s unrealiable narration, “Hyde” actually slowly develops something of a will of his own as Jekyll’s evil nature, given a body of its own by his dumb experiment, continues to develop.

Here’s a fragment of how Jekyll describes the experiment and the very first transformation:

“That night I had come to the fatal cross-roads. Had I approached my discovery in a more noble spirit, had I risked the experiment while under the empire of generous or pious aspirations, all must have been otherwise, and from these agonies of death and birth, I had come forth an angel instead of a fiend. The drug had no discriminating action; it was neither diabolical nor divine; it but shook the doors of the prisonhouse of my disposition; and like the captives of Philippi, that which stood within ran forth. At that time my virtue slumbered; my evil, kept awake by ambition, was alert and swift to seize the occasion; and the thing that was projected was Edward Hyde. Hence, although I had now two characters as well as two appearances, one was wholly evil, and the other was still the old Henry Jekyll, that incongruous compound of whose reformation and improvement I had already learned to despair. The movement was thus wholly toward the worse.”

“Edward Hyde” (who at this point still doesn’t truly exist as his own being and it’s just a mask for Jekyll to use) is evil because Henry Jekyll himself is evil. But while Jekyll-as-Jekyll has good personality traits as well as bad, Jekyll-as-Hyde is just everything that Jeyll finds evil about himself and nothing else. This paragraph also states very clearly that Jekyll’s intentions were never good.

If this was the only instance in which anything along the lines of “two characters as well as two appearances” was mentioned, then yes, there would be no room for debate on the whole “Hyde is just a fake identity and nothing else” because there wouldn’t be evidence of the contrary. It would be clear text.

Except that Jekyll, unreliable narrator that he is or not, also gives us evidence to support the theory that Hyde, while still not being a completely separate split personality on his own right, does develop a certain awareness of himself and a will to act somewhat separate from Jekyll’s. 

Of course, this all still falls on Jekyll’s own fault, and even if we consider Hyde as something of an alter, he’s still nothing but the scapegoat that Jekyll uses:

“The pleasures which I made haste to seek in my disguise were, as I have said, undignified; I would scarce use a harder term. But in the hands of Edward Hyde, they soon began to turn toward the monstrous. When I would come back from these excursions, I was often plunged into a kind of wonder at my vicarious depravity. This familiar that I called out of my own soul, and sent forth alone to do his good pleasure, was a being inherently malign and villainous; his every act and thought centered on self; drinking pleasure with bestial avidity from any degree of torture to another; relentless like a man of stone. Henry Jekyll stood at times aghast before the acts of Edward Hyde; but the situation was apart from ordinary laws, and insidiously relaxed the grasp of conscience. It was Hyde, after all, and Hyde alone, that was guilty. Jekyll was no worse; he woke again to his good qualities seemingly unimpaired; he would even make haste, where it was possible, to undo the evil done by Hyde. And thus his conscience slumbered.”

Something all book readers will be familiar with is that Jekyll’s narration uses “I” when writing about most of Hyde’s actions, while also mentioning both Henry Jekyll and Hyde on third person. Jekyll tries to dissociate himself from his crimes this way.

But... Whether also done by Jekyll to still reflect guilt from himself or not, the text also refers to Hyde as having a nature of his own, albeit one irreversably connected to Henry Jekyll’s own hidden desires.

“Between these two, I now felt I had to choose. My two natures had memory in common, but all other faculties were most unequally shared between them. Jekyll (who was composite) now with the most sensitive apprehensions, now with a greedy gusto, projected and shared in the pleasures and adventures of Hyde; but Hyde was indifferent to Jekyll, or but remembered him as the mountain bandit remembers the cavern in which he conceals himself from pursuit. Jekyll had more than a father’s interest; Hyde had more than a son’s indifference. To cast in my lot with Jekyll, was to die to those appetites which I had long secretly indulged and had of late begun to pamper. To cast it in with Hyde, was to die to a thousand interests and aspirations, and to become, at a blow and forever, despised and friendless. The bargain might appear unequal; but there was still another consideration in the scales; for while Jekyll would suffer smartingly in the fires of abstinence, Hyde would be not even conscious of all that he had lost. Strange as my circumstances were, the terms of this debate are as old and commonplace as man; much the same inducements and alarms cast the die for any tempted and trembling sinner; and it fell out with me, as it falls with so vast a majority of my fellows, that I chose the better part and was found wanting in the strength to keep to it.”

There’s a clear divide here, with Jekyll and Hyde having something of a different outlook on life, something that outright doesn’t make sense if we are to consider Edward Hyde as just Jekyll’s alias. 

Something to note here is that the divide between the two personas is not of a moral nature, but something much more mundane and selfish: To Henry Jekyll, his social status is everything, and his main drive to keep transforming into Hyde again and again is to enjoy a life of sin without repercussions. To Hyde, said social status can go to hell for all he cares, but still keeps the ruse because his concealment is ultimately necessary for his continued existence, something that the narration will go back to later.

After this point of the book, which is when Jekyll goes to sleep and wakes up transformed on his other body the next morning, the doctor becomes scared and goes cold turkey for two months, having decided to stop being Hyde forever and return to a normal life. It doesn’t lastlonger than that: Hyde returns not because he takes control, but because Jekyll turns himself into Hyde on purpose once again, by his own free will.

“I do not suppose that, when a drunkard reasons with himself upon his vice, he is once out of five hundred times affected by the dangers that he runs through his brutish, physical insensibility; neither had I, long as I had considered my position, made enough allowance for the complete moral insensibility and insensate readiness to evil, which were the leading characters of Edward Hyde. Yet it was by these that I was punished. My devil had been long caged, he came out roaring. I was conscious, even when I took the draught, of a more unbridled, a more furious propensity to ill. It must have been this, I suppose, that stirred in my soul that tempest of impatience with which I listened to the civilities of my unhappy victim; I declare, at least, before God, no man morally sane could have been guilty of that crime upon so pitiful a provocation; and that I struck in no more reasonable spirit than that in which a sick child may break a plaything. But I had voluntarily stripped myself of all those balancing instincts by which even the worst of us continues to walk with some degree of steadiness among temptations; and in my case, to be tempted, however slightly, was to fall.“

Something fun to note here: Jekyll describes Hyde, and/or himself when he’s Hyde, as being comparable to a child. First by merely noting that Hyde’s body is younger than Jekyll’s, then by comparing him to a “son” and Jekyll as the “father”, and now comparing the murder of Danvers Carew to a child breaking a toy. 

Speaking of the murder, Jekyll is 100% guilty of it: Even if Hyde was a completely different being with his own traits and goals, which he is not, Jekyll would still be responsable by virtue of willingly going through the transformation again like an idiot.

That being said, the text continues to give Hyde some semblance of personality:

“Hyde had a song upon his lips as he compounded the draught, and as he drank it, pledged the dead man. The pangs of transformation had not done tearing him, before Henry Jekyll, with streaming tears of gratitude and remorse, had fallen upon his knees and lifted his clasped hands to God. The veil of self-indulgence was rent from head to foot.“

From this point on, everything goes to hell: Henry Jekyll is relieved that now that Hyde is a wanted murderer, he now has no choice but to stay as Jekyll and leave that sinful double life of his finally behind (”Jekyll is the Good half” my ass!). But, surprise surprise! He starts to transform unwillingly, and now he needs to constantly drink the potion to stay as Jekyll. 

Fun fact: Do you remember which thoughts are the ones that trigger the first unwilling transformation after the murder?

“I sat in the sun on a bench; the animal within me licking the chops of memory; the spiritual side a little drowsed, promising subsequent penitence, but not yet moved to begin. After all, I reflected, I was like my neighbours; and then I smiled, comparing myself with other men, comparing my active good-will with the lazy cruelty of their neglect. And at the very moment of that vainglorious thought, a qualm came over me, a horrid nausea and the most deadly shuddering. These passed away, and left me faint; and then as in its turn faintness subsided, I began to be aware of a change in the temper of my thoughts, a greater boldness, a contempt of danger, a solution of the bonds of obligation. I looked down; my clothes hung formlessly on my shrunken limbs; the hand that lay on my knee was corded and hairy. I was once more Edward Hyde.“

The thought that he, too, was just like any other man. Something that his Hyde half knows as a fact, but that Henry “I’m superior than all these lazy peasants around me because I’m rich... I mean, because I have active good-will” Jekyll considers undignified, and therefore, cruel or evil. O Sweet, sweet Victorian hypocresy.

And it is from here on out that the narration acknowledges Edward Hyde as being his own character somewhat, somehow, at least as part of Jekyll’s conciousness.

After the transformation and the visit to Lanyon:

“My reason wavered, but it did not fail me utterly. I have more than once observed that in my second character, my faculties seemed sharpened to a point and my spirits more tensely elastic; thus it came about that, where Jekyll perhaps might have succumbed, Hyde rose to the importance of the moment.”

“Then I remembered that of my original character, one part remained to me: I could write my own hand; and once I had conceived that kindling spark, the way that I must follow became lighted up from end to end.“

“He, I say—I cannot say, I. That child of Hell had nothing human; nothing lived in him but fear and hatred.“ 

“When I came to myself at Lanyon’s, the horror of my old friend perhaps affected me somewhat: I do not know; it was at least but a drop in the sea to the abhorrence with which I looked back upon these hours. A change had come over me. It was no longer the fear of the gallows, it was the horror of being Hyde that racked me.“

It’s curious how Jekyll’s narration uses “I” when looking back at Carew’s murder, and yet it is just from here on out that he’s oh so repulsed by Hyde than he uses He/Him pronouns for him. 

And, most of all, when he has locked himself up:

“The powers of Hyde seemed to have grown with the sickliness of Jekyll. And certainly the hate that now divided them was equal on each side. With Jekyll, it was a thing of vital instinct. He had now seen the full deformity of that creature that shared with him some of the phenomena of consciousness, and was co-heir with him to death: and beyond these links of community, which in themselves made the most poignant part of his distress, he thought of Hyde, for all his energy of life, as of something not only hellish but inorganic. This was the shocking thing; that the slime of the pit seemed to utter cries and voices; that the amorphous dust gesticulated and sinned; that what was dead, and had no shape, should usurp the offices of life. And this again, that that insurgent horror was knit to him closer than a wife, closer than an eye; lay caged in his flesh, where he heard it mutter and felt it struggle to be born; and at every hour of weakness, and in the confidence of slumber, prevailed against him, and deposed him out of life. The hatred of Hyde for Jekyll was of a different order. His terror of the gallows drove him continually to commit temporary suicide, and return to his subordinate station of a part instead of a person; but he loathed the necessity, he loathed the despondency into which Jekyll was now fallen, and he resented the dislike with which he was himself regarded.”

And what immediately follows is my favorite part of the book:

“Hence the ape-like tricks that he would play me, scrawling in my own hand blasphemies on the pages of my books, burning the letters and destroying the portrait of my father; and indeed, had it not been for his fear of death, he would long ago have ruined himself in order to involve me in the ruin. But his love of life is wonderful; I go further: I, who sicken and freeze at the mere thought of him, when I recall the abjection and passion of this attachment, and when I know how he fears my power to cut him off by suicide, I find it in my heart to pity him.”

This petty behavior of supposedly destroying and vandalizing Jekyll’s stuff to spite him is mentioned yet again just a few sentences later,along with the following line:

“This, then, is the last time, short of a miracle, that Henry Jekyll can think his own thoughts or see his own face (now how sadly altered!) in the glass. Nor must I delay too long to bring my writing to an end; for if my narrative has hitherto escaped destruction, it has been by a combination of great prudence and great good luck. Should the throes of change take me in the act of writing it, Hyde will tear it in pieces; but if some time shall have elapsed after I have laid it by, his wonderful selfishness and circumscription to the moment will probably save it once again from the action of his ape-like spite.“

This assertion from Jekyll that, as far as he’s concerned, he will be already dead when he transforms for the last time, is what closes the book:

“And indeed the doom that is closing on us both has already changed and crushed him. Half an hour from now, when I shall again and forever reindue that hated personality, I know how I shall sit shuddering and weeping in my chair, or continue, with the most strained and fearstruck ecstasy of listening, to pace up and down this room (my last earthly refuge) and give ear to every sound of menace. Will Hyde die upon the scaffold? or will he find courage to release himself at the last moment? God knows; I am careless; this is my true hour of death, and what is to follow concerns another than myself. Here then, as I lay down the pen and proceed to seal up my confession, I bring the life of that unhappy Henry Jekyll to an end.“

If taken at face value, these lines actually paint Edward Hyde as being somewhat able to think his own thoughts and do his own actions, while still just being the childish, “ape-like” part of Henry Jekyll’s mind. Emphasis on childish, not evil, the evilness is all on Henry. Edward Hyde is still nothing but Henry Jekyll’s psychological scapegoat, and the one that Jekyll technically leaves behind to deal with the mess he himself created by “dying”.

I’m not trying to get more people to interpret the book this way nor am I saying that the ”Hyde is not real and Jekyll is a lying bitch” take is actually wrong, because it is not. I’m just pointing out the book could actually be interpreted differently by different readers, and they’d still have sentences in the book to back their interpretation on.

Now, if we could all stop hating and throwing shade on every content creator out there who “got the book wrong”, that’d be peachy. 

[ladykittenfair]

Tagged by the fantastic @up-sideand-down - thank you!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

44

2. What is your total AO3 word count?

631,933

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? Including crossovers:

Compilation of FFVII

FFXV

Legend of Zelda

Marvel Cinematic Universe (specifically the Avengers)

Sailor Moon

Star Wars

Threads of Fate

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

To Be Human

Dog Whistle

The Snowball Effect

It’s Not a Game

Party of Five

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do! No shade thrown to people who don’t / can’t but for me, that’s part of the “community” aspect of fanfic. I love hearing about people’s thoughts and feelings about things I’ve created. And I’ve made some of my best friends through fanfic interactions.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I... don’t really do angsty endings? XD But if I had to pick from any work it’s probably The Ballad of Crisis Core. That’s a poem, however, so I guess the angstiest fic would be Picking Up The Pieces, because it’s canon compliant and you know it’s a false hopeful ending.

7. Do you ever write crossovers?

I do! I’ve got... two now, I think! They’re fun.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Nothing horrific? But definite bullying.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I don’t know that anything I’ve done solo counts as smut. There’s some very tame M/M stuff later on in To Save the Future...

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes, probably more than once honestly. It’s hard to keep track of these guys.

11. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have, on a couple occasions, and I’m hoping to do more.

12. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Oh man, you can’t do that to me. My ship feels are a revolving door, it’s not “all time” it’s “flavor of the day” - Ardyn (FFXV) & Genesis (FFVII) in a crossover parent-child ship is one of the newest ones. Vincent and Veld (both FFVII) as either a romantic ship or a brotp are also amazing. One of my oldest ships is Valenwind (Vincent / Cid from FFVII) and then I have a couple people to blame for Lazard/Reeve (FFVII) being such a dynamic ship so don’t make me pick.

13. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I... think it was DBZ? It was certainly the first I actually posted for.

14. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

How can I pick just one of my babies??? I love them for different reasons! In order of age:

To Be Human - an older favorite (can you believe it’s been four years since that was finished?) but a favorite because it was just... such an achievement? It was my first real long fic, and yeah, it took me three years but dangit it was done and I am so proud! And you can see me improve as a writer over the process. i learned so much. Would I rewrite it before continuing it? In a heartbeat. But I remain so proud of it.

Dog Whistle - this will be chronologically my second longfic, it’s WIP but getting closer to the end, and it was not supposed ot be this long damn it. But in this one, I took everything I’d learned in TBH and put it into practice. I really feel the quality of writing is just higher here?

And then, not individual “fics” but series -

In Spite of Destiny (currently posting To Save the Future) is a FFVII/FFXV crossover fixit I’m doing with @wandererriha and it owns my heart. It was another “what if?” that got out of hand and I just love it and the ships - platonic and romantic both - so dang much.

And then I just started posting Stand By Me (Let Us Defy Fate) with it’s first fic, To Live in Expectation, but I’ve been writing the series for the past three months and holy crap I knew I loved Ardyn but I didn’t realize I loved Somnus and Gilgamesh until now, not to mention Aera and also the toothrotting fluff that is Aera/Ardyn. It is also a shameless fix it that may not go where you think it’s going. But it’s a good thing, I promise.

OKAY so! I’m supposed to tag some people, I think? @wandererriha, @thegeeksqueaks , @vorpalgirl , @razziecat , @greenjudy , @yuzukimist aaaaand @secret-engima ? No pressure, only if you want to!

[linklethehistorian]

Randou and the Sins of Season 3's Fifteen Adaption (Part 3/???)

DISCLAIMER AND NOTES: (3/6)

— Lastly, if you’re seeking complete positivity and praise towards the animated adaption, you will most certainly not find it here; if you cannot handle criticism towards the animated series in any way, I highly recommend you stop reading now and go elsewhere. Likewise, although perhaps to a somewhat lesser extent, the same can be said if you came here looking to find complete and utter negativity and condemnation of it, as while it may be true that this article is more often than not critical towards the Fifteen anime adaption for reasons stated within, that does not mean that I despise its existence on mere principle alone, nor do I intend to refrain from mentioning some of the things that I did enjoy or could at least partially defend in spite of their differences from the novel.

(All elaboration on this final point and the rest of the article has been placed under the cut — due to both how long it is, and the presence of spoilers; I apologize if this is any inconvenience. Once more, if you are going to turn back for any reason, now is the time to do so; if not, feel free to continue onward, and I hope you enjoy!)

While I’m still on the subject of this piece’s fairly critical nature, I would also like to save any of my potential commenters on this point a ton of valuable time, effort, and trouble by taking a moment to make it extremely clear from the start that I am, in fact, already very well aware that there is currently a lot of disdain in the BSD community towards those who choose to speak critically of Season 3, as well as exactly what the overall argument is that is being made against us; I have already heard and read several times over the declaration that it’s somehow inconsiderate and disrespectful to “complain” about this season’s flaws when most anime do not ever make it past their second season and Bungou Stray Dogs could just as well have been the same, and, with all due respect to the people making these claims as individuals, commenting one more time on how extremely lucky we are to even have this season at all and/or telling me how I should be ashamed for writing an article like this because of that is not going to change my opinion on the matter, nor will it ever convince me that such an argument is anything but, in the long run, far more harmful to both the community and the series as a whole than the majority of the criticism it tries to speak against.

Despite what seems to be believed by many of the people asking for us to tone down the negativity, I do not personally feel that the vast majority of people expressing their grievances with some of the animated series’ recent choices in regards to their handling of adaptions actually lack any appreciation or awareness that we are lucky to have Season 3 at all, nor do I think most of them even truly believe it to be “bad” as a whole. On the contrary, at least insofar as my personal observations are concerned, as impossible as it may seem to some of you, the simple fact of the matter is that most of us actually still do love and are thankful for the new season as much as the rest of you; the only difference between us is that we do not let those feelings stop us from saying what we feel needs to said about it and providing feedback — regardless of whether those things happen to be positive or negative.

Indeed, I think that one of the biggest issues with this fandom at present, when it comes to this issue, is not the complaints of people like myself, but rather the unwillingness of those on the other end of the spectrum to recognize that loving something does not mean you have to close your eyes to all of its flaws and sweep them under the rug as if they didn’t exist. While it is absolutely everyone’s right to choose to only look at the positive side of things if that is what they so desire, it is also incredibly essential to at least concede that without those in the fandom who are willing to acknowledge both the television series’ positive and negative traits in tandem and call it out on its biggest flaws when necessary, things would be far, far worse than they already are at present and there would be absolutely no hope of them ever improving, either; after all, without the incentive to do better in order to keep their work popular and profitable, there would simply be no reason for any studio to try to meet any standard of quality at all, since they would know that no matter what they did or how poor their content was, their fans would still be there and consume it at the same rate as before out of “gratitude” for it even being made in any capacity.

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[destiny-smasher]

My personal 2020 GOTYs

1) Hades

This game, dudes. THIS GAME. A fraction of the budget, a fraction of the dev team size, reportedly HEALTHY development schedule and management...and imo it offers at least some of everything I want out of a single player video game. I have poured over 60 hours into this and I see myself putting in some more over time and ALL of the time I have spent has felt rewarding and edifying. Clever design, smart writing, organic voice acting, sharp gameplay, and all done at a fraction of the resources of these big budget, bloated games. You love to see it.

2) Final Fantasy 7 Remake (Part 1?)

I went into this year not caring much about this game at all. FF7 was a game I played as a teen, enjoyed, respected, and moved on from pretty easily. This Remake, so far, has done more than I could’ve expected in terms of actually REMAKING a game. It’s literally a new adaptation, and I as pleasantly surprised at just how hard it went. From realizing the world of Midgar into something so full of detail and plausibility, to reiterating and doubling down on its postmodern anti-corporation themes, to making Barret the character I loved the MOST somehow?? Combining everything I love about real-time RPG action with a tactical strategy element long missing from the genre, reimagining and fleshing out characters and concepts into something deeper and more meaningful...I’ve never considered myself a huge FF7 fan but this game was really something, and I absolutely cannot wait for more (and praying they do my girl Yuffie justice). I’ve been super skeptical of Nomura as a director given...the mess that has become Kingdom Hearts, but as it turns out, when he has others to reign things in, some surprisingly nuanced stuff for an anime game can come out of it. It has its flaws, to be sure, but it’s still the most enjoyable experience I had with a big budget game this year.

3) The Last of Us Part 2

I feel conflicted over this one in particular - I feel Neil is not longer a director I respect the way I did back with the first game. I feel Naughty Dog is falling victim to all of the late capitalist issues plaguing big budget game dev. But I also love this game. It’s much more flawed than the first, but that’s mainly because it’s more ambitious and complicated. It’s THE most flawed game on this game, honestly, but overall as a game I am compelled to respect its writing, its gutsier decisions, its art direction, acting, presentation, etc. It’s an impressive game and the most technically impressive game I played all year if not all generation. Props where they’re due, but at the same time, I think this game was poorly directed and I love it in spite of issues with its production, rather than because of some strong vision. That’s the big Sony bucks, I suppose, matched with a dev team willing and apparently somehow able to fulfil what they want to create. I still get the impression there was a bit of ‘design by committee for a mainstream audience’ kind of shit going on - how could there not with something this big? - and as a result I think the game is a bit bloated. Shave off about 3-5 hours from a few spots and it’d be a more focused game, and maybe I’d feel more edified and satisfied rather than weirdly conflicted. Even so, a huge accomplishment and I hope to see more games tackle premises as ambitious as this down the road.

4) Bug Fables

This game technically launched last year but it debuted on console in 2020, and I didn’t play it until then. This is as close to a follow-up to old school Paper Mario as it gets, while simultaneously doing a lot to forge its own identity and even improve on the formula presented in the previous games. Its rough around the edges but that’s mainly because it’s an independent game, and it’s amazing just how well the dev team was able to reproduce the scope and details of this specific subgenre of RPG, all while continuously implementing new game design elements and multiple features that make it feel more modern in its direction. Fantastic stuff, I’m still not even finished with it because I’ve been taking my sweet time, though I intend to finally finish it this month, and I have to say, it’s quite a special game in my opinion.

5) Fall Guys: Ultimate Knockout

Absolute banger of a multiplayer game, really love the presentation, the concept, the overall execution, the way the team has been updating the game every month or so in response to feedback and implementing new content. So good to see the battle royale genre FINALLY pushed beyond just...arena shooting. Can’t wait to see where else this game can go over time.

6) Animal Crossing: New Horizons

Somehow this one slipped my mind when I first wrote this up, despite having poured well over 100 hours into it this year. I think part of it is that New Horizons did a lot of things I’ve wanted the series to do for so long, and yet is still far behind in terms of so many other things I wish they would do. Quality of life things prevent me from really re-investing into it, and yet despite that I have to admit it REALLY sucked me in for a solid few weeks and I continued to play off and on for months. It was the perfect game we collectively needed right when it came out and graphically I can’t think of how to really improve on that style. A really relaxing getaway I needed earlier this year, though like with previous AC games, I don’t find myself going back to it as much as I’d think I would.

7) Going Under

A surprise hit for me, this rogue-like swooped in from ‘heh that looks amusing’ to ‘oh wow this is legit just a great game.’ Its weird visuals, funky 3D gameplay, and surprisingly sharp storytelling make for a rogue-like unlike any other and one totally near the top for me.

8) Marvel’s Spider-Man: Miles Morales

Squeezed this in just this past week or so, and this one also satisfied me greatly. I wish we’d see more big budget open-world games like this -- laser focused, not wasting any time, and not being repetitious aside for completionists. So cool to see another team’s take on Miles after how much I fell for Into the Spider-verse, and very glad the team both homages that movie while subverting some expectations fans of the film might have, all while continuing to adapt Insomniac’s take on Spider-Man from a couple years ago.

9) Demon’s Souls (Remake)

As a big fan of FromSoft who never got too far into this one originally, it’s been great to visit it as if it’s a new Souls game with an alternate art style. And a very clean art style it has. This was a good pick to be remastered because many, even FromSoft fans like myself, missed out on it, and it feels unique from its predecessors while still showing a solid foundation they’d go on to build from.

10) Crash Bandicoot 4

An amazingly well done follow-up to the original trilogy, this game GETS what makes old school Crash games good, and it improves upon things in a number of ways, from making Coco the alternate hero, bringing back old faces in new lights, going ham with the visuals both in raw art and unique filters when replaying stages, and giving incentive for completion with so many great costumes. Well done, great old school platforming with modern design sensibilities. 

Honorable Mentions:

CrossCode

This also technically launched before 2020 but I didn’t play it until this year, and I don’t think it hit consoles until this year. I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect going in, just remembering that I had enjoyed the demo well enough. This game delivers in most ways you could want from an indie game, with an expansive world of sidequests and RPG growth, a flexible combat system that can be nailbiting and engaging, and old-school dungeon designs with lots of environmental and elemental puzzles that really ask a lot of you. All of this capped with a surprisingly great narrative with characters I grew to love, including a much needed protagonist with a unique identity unlike any in games that I’ve played, as well as extra bits of detail and production values invested at JUST the right moments where the story needs it the most. It feels a bit tedious at times and part of me wishes more of the sidequest content involved direct interactions with the named, recurring characters, but it’s still one of the most impressive and well-done indie games I’ve ever played.

Katana ZERO

Razor-sharp game design, this one. It’s a brief but intensely focused experience that feels like the video game equivalent of a slick, experimental indie film. Could do with some more replayablity for those who want it but what’s here is just damn good and I gobbled this game down like a fantastic, hand-cooked meal at an atmospheric dive bar barely anyone knows about.

Necrobarista

Haven’t quite finished it yet but this is definitely one of the best visual novels I’ve ever experienced just due to how hard it goes on presentation and pushing for a more cinematic and thoughtful vibe than any other VN I’ve ever experienced. The characters and writing feel ripped out of an early 2000′s webcomic, for better and for worse, but all the same, it’s some fantastic stuff and it’s so refreshing to see a game set in Australia tackling a well-worn genre by giving it a new spin.

Slay the Spire

Another personal pick since this released in 2019, and I’m not quite sure which consoles it hit or when, but I didn’t get into it until early this year, and was totally hooked. Fantastically addictive, probably the most well-design deck-building rogue-like I’ve seen, certainly one of my favorite deck-building games in general. Apparently I’ve sunk 50 hours into it this year, more than most on this list, and I wouldn’t be surprised if that number spikes up again at some point.

[baby-buu-buu]

1.My first fic was doa and I actually did a reimagining of it recently and it was cringy but it wasn’t difficult to read through.

2.My most recent fic was from kvw and not including the role play I co-wrote was a sexy fic. As far as nsfw goes I’d say I’m light years ahead of where I was.

3.oof. In my opinion my best fic is probably still gone so long. Or maybe melancholy kaleidoscope. Both of them are a piece of my soul.

4.I’m well aware my most popular fic is apocalypse please 😂

5.a lot of my fics make me happy to reread! I mostly write sappy happy cute fluff fics. Off the top of my head, letters and love notes, oh well oh well, cosmic love like Novocain (even though it’s more recent)

6. I would say not like super embarrassed, but I have considered taking down my first kiss stories. Some of them are a little much.

7.honestly the fic I most want to continue is my soau. I am getting so far. I’m hoping to finish it before the 2 year anniversary of when I posted the first chapter. We’ll see.

8.oop same answer to #7

9.No, I’m actually not sure how others do it 😂

10.the only other fandom I’ve ever even dabbled in was yugioh way back when

11.yeah! I wouldn’t claim to be that crazy amazing creative. It depends, fics that I’ve written in spite of turn out good, others wise maybe in the beginning they came out a little uninspired

12.I’ve written snippets, but never like a whole fic. I’m a firm believer of publishing everything I finish

13.I went through a loss last year and it changed me as a writer. If it isn’t something that I’m really passionate about, I won’t write it anymore. So the biggest difference is I don’t write anything uninspired anymore. And probably connected but I don’t experience the same anxiety from before.

14. I don’t like smut as much anymore 😂

15. No I don’t think about stuff like that 👀

16. No nothing like that. I wrote for funsies

17. My most overrated fic is probably apocalypse please. I’m super not proud of the 2nd chapter. If not that one then a different smut story I wrote before I was ready.

18. Most underrated fic is self destruct personality. Man I love that fic 😭 (I just checked and it is officially my least viewed fic)

19. Into the unknown. Weird random cute aus is my thing.

20. I did the reimagining fic and I’m hoping maybe in the future I’ll rewrite soau to improve the quality someday. No I wouldn’t take down the og

21. Oh no I’ve never done that! I should start

22. Yes 😂 herpb4uderp told me they read my stuff, not even if they liked it and I told them I was gonna die

23. Last year on my birthday I got a huge novel from an anon that made me cry. It was wonderful and I really appreciated it

24. I got anon hate on letters and love notes. It’s been two years and I still am super annoyed about it. They sad Goku wasn’t stupid enough 😡

25. I’m soft and any criticism is hard 🥺

[ceruleanwhore]

MLB rant

     At this point, I am genuinely pissed at Miraculous. Among other things, Thomas has wrecked the quality of the show over shipping bullshit with episodes like weredad and, in the process, fucked everything over so that now, no matter what happens or who ends up with who, it’s going to be shit. In a lot of ways, he’s done to Miraculous what Bryke did to Avatar in the comics- ruined established characters and the overall story by trying and failing to take care of the relationships/shipping. At this point, Marinette’s character is so awful in relation to this that I truly can’t fathom how Adrien and Luka can still tolerate her, never mind actually like her. Where she should have been steadily improving this whole time, she is instead getting much worse. This, of course, is because the show is constructed such that there is only the few main plot aspects everything revolves around (Hawkmoth and the love square) but, even though Astruc is clearly trying to drag the show out, he isn’t adding any other layers to the show to make up for how flat it is, so in the process of keeping those main plot points static, he has ended up fucking over his own show and dragging Marinette’s character down. At the start of the series, Marinette was clumsy and socially awkward but in a somewhat endearing way. Now, a school year or so later, she hasn’t improved at all and, in spite of now being Ladybug which would be the perfect catalyst for her character development, she’s genuinely getting worse to the point where, as we see in Desperada, she now acts like she has brain damage or something. 

 The degradation of Marinette’s character is a direct result of Atruc trying to shut down side ships, including some within the love square, in spite of how completely unnecessary it was. He shouldn’t have been doing stuff like that at all, honestly, but things like that should have only been done if and when he was going into the endgame and setting up to finally put them into canon relationships. There are a few ways he could have done this more successfully:     

1. In season 2, after Ladybug flat out rejects him, have that be enough to initiate the process of Adrien moving on and have him be completely over her by the end of the season but leave him single. Meanwhile, from the beginning of the show, it should be shown how the way Adrien constantly says that Marinette is “just a friend” wears on her over time, plus Luka showing up adds another element that would shake things up and leave her feelings for Adrien unsteady. Eventually, maybe later season 2, Adrien would make another comment like that again and that would be the last straw at which point she’d be done. Shortly after that, she’d get together with Luka.

     2.Kinda like what I just described but after Adrien gets over Ladybug and Marinette gets over him, they could get together as Marichat in some rich dramatic irony. 

     So then there is the matter of character development. I’ve already lamented Marinette, but I’d argue that basically none of the characters have any significant character development. Chloe had the opportunity that got royally fucked over, which was probably also for the sake of maintaining stasis, but other than a couple people here and there, there isn’t much to be found. I think this is because there isn’t actually much content, when it comes to this show. About half of each episode is taken up by the akuma and what’s left tends to be more concerned with cute things like Marinette facetiming Alya about Adrien or bringing some macrons somewhere or whatever and, like I said earlier, there are no subplots that would provide more depth to the show and help promote character growth. I think it would work better if a) there were subplots and b) there wasn’t an akuma every episode, maybe just every couple. It gets really boring and repetitive to have half of every episode be basically the same and take up so much space so that there isn’t room to put in real shit and character growth around it. 

     Regarding Chloe, if they were going to give her a fucking miraculous, they should’ve been planning on using that to kickstart her redemption arc. It makes absolutely no sense to trust her with it and then have her proceed to not change at all. All it does is create a shitty situation where this bitch is now a superhero but she’s still a mega bitch so then when she no longer gets to be a superhero, that adds to her being a miserable bitch. Honestly, it doesn’t even remotely make sense why Marinette gave it to her in the first place and when I look back on it I think it’s literally nothing more than pure pandering in response to what people were posting on Tumblr. It would’ve made a lot more sense for her to have had some level of preliminary character development first before Marinette presented her with the miraculous. Also, maybe it could be after she’d made a bitchy comment about Chloe that then got a response that showed Marinette how she was wrong and made her feel bad and this is her way of making it up to her but, more importantly, showing how she’s getting over her prejudice and now choosing to put faith in Chloe and support the progress she and those around her have witnessed. Then, the miraculous and the responsibilities that go with it (plus Marinette’s inevitable end of episode apology) would catalyze Chloe’s continued growth and development but like the amount of growth she’d have already would be enough for her to act more maturely and keep her identity a secret, which would be A Thingᵗᵐ. 

     However, along that same vein, I think it’s absurdly stupid how they really went with the “everyone gets a miraculous (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ *:･ﾟ ” thing. It makes sense to bring in one more but not this bullshit where everybody gets one but only sometimes. Bring on one more, permanently, maybe even add another later on (MUCH later on) if necessary but don’t just have this bullshit where Marinette just picks the flavor of the day. Also, her now being the guardian is the genuine worst decision, period. If it’s really that important to boot Wu and bring in a new guardian, have it be someone else like Alya, idk or, even better, a new character entirely. Wu said he had to be trained so I’d like to propose to have it so that he’s been training one for a while but we just don’t see them because since their training is incomplete, Wu can’t trust them with Ladybug and Chat Noir’s secret identities yet. But jesus fuck, Marinette should not be that person. She’s already quite Mary Sue already, she really doesn’t need that and the episode where she’s able to weild all the miraculouses to just throw in more shit about how she’s so good and so powerful and all that stuff. 

     So, then, there are inconsistencies in the writing, mainly in regards to their secret identities and shipping. In one of the episodes in season three, Master Wu told them they would have to give up their miraculouses if they ever learned each other’s identities, which is incredibly fucking stupid since he then just hands her all the miraculouses and makes her the new guardian. So she’s just supposed to hold that boundary because he told her to when she’s now the one who’d be enforcing it and taking the miraculouses if that ever came to be? So if (when) they learn their identities, she’s supposed to, as the guardian, take Adrien’s and give up her own miraculous but then keep on being the guardian? I think the line from Master Wu was supposed to add drama and suspence but that only works if you don’t go and negate it three seconds later. The other inconsistency that, to me, was glaringly obvious and just as annoying was when Marinette, Adrien, and Kagami went to Andre’s. Back when this guy was first introduced, the way it all worked was that when someone came up, he’d make them an individualized ice cream cone based on the person they love. In season three, all of a sudden, for no reason whatsoever, the fact that it’s three people coming up to get ice cream changes the entire system to some other bullshit all so we can get some over done, in-your-face adrienette vs adrigami tension in which Marinette is a Good Girlᵗᵐ. 

     Then, lastly, I find it extremely odd how there are practically no background characters and that the few there are tend to be recurring. If there are going to be 77+ episodes of “oh no that dude got akumatized”, it would be prudent to have more throwaway background characters to use for the akumas and then only use the main/recurring ones for that intermittently and only when it adds something to the episode and/or the plot as a whole. The classroom kids shouldn’t be the default, they should be used sparingly and with care. Not to mention how it also would be good to have more background characters just so stuff like scenes where they’re in the hallways in between classes don’t look so awkward because there’s just this one class of kids in this entire school (plus Marco) and literally nobody else. It’s a thing in every film or show that has ever been made but in this one, for no reason, there just are no extras and it feels so awkward at times. 

     The way that every single episode is set up the same and how there is that lack of background characters to akumatize so there ends up being a bunch of reakumatizations, plus the way that nothing much actually happens, in terms of plot progression, after season one all make it so that the show as a whole after the end of season one feels really stagnant. It’s like Astruc is trying to hold out and wait to drop actual resolution to any of the main plot points until later on but he hasn’t sufficiently constructed other layers to the story, like subplots, to have it still be engaging. In my opinion, MLB could’ve actually been completely tied up with the whole Hawkmoth business back in the season one finale, based on the content of the show, because there’s just not that much there. It makes me mad because the show has a great concept and I love the characters, but it’s just been shit and it’s not getting better.

[turnaboutimagines]

s/o and miles getting in a heated debate about what the best episode of steel samurai is except the argument ends up playing out like a courtroom debate. maya and pearl get brought in to "testify". phoenix wants to leave.

idk the gang goes to get some ramen and this happens!  I took some creative liberties for blocking purposes, but I tried to stay true to the request.  ^^  this is super silly and long and I had a lot of fun writing it out, but i hope that’s what you were looking for, pal.Setting for this one is between 3 and 4 during a hypothetical visit from Maya and Pearl. 

“That sure was tasty!”  Maya claps her hands in front of her, looking all too pleased with herself.  You give her a disbelieving look, as Edgeworth, Pearl, Phoenix, and you were all only halfway finished with your bowls.

You see a spark light up her eyes and you’re uncertain if it’s mischief or genuine interest.  “Oh, I’ve been meaning to ask for a while now, but what’s your favorite Steel Samurai episode?”

“That’s… a really hard question,” you say with a small sigh, mulling it over for several moments as you set down your utensils.  “I suppose… it’d probably be the episode where the Pink Princess meets the Steel Samurai properly for the first time?  The fighting scene climax of it is especially iconic, plus it was just a really well made episode…”

“Ooh, that’s a good one!  The way they use their super special combo move for the first time together is super cool!  The Evil Magistrate totally didn’t see it coming!”

You’re about to ask which one is Maya’s favorite when you become aware of your significant other’s glare from across the table… and it’s directed at you.  Raising a brow, you turn to him and can practically see the veins popping out of Miles’s forehead as he restrains himself from getting involved in this conversation.  Clearly, you’ve said something he disagrees with, but he’s still so reserved about his Steel Samaniac status… unlike you and Maya.

“Do you have something you’d like to say, Miles?”

His eye twitches for a moment before he turns away with a scowl on his face.  “Ngh… no, of course not.  Why would I have anything to say about a simple children’s show?”

“Come on, Mr. Edgeworth!” Maya says with a Cheshire grin. “You did say that you were a big fan of his work and later got an autograph from him, too!”

His face flushes at the accusation and his pointer finger begins to tap away.  “I-I did no such thing…!”

You snort, knowing full well that he has it framed in his bedroom, and he gives you a rather stern glare, warning you to not breathe a word of it.  Still, you have his attention and perhaps you could still rope him into this because you are curious about whatever it was he’d gotten so worked up about…

“Well, I only asked because you looked like there was something you wanted to say and I was simply curious.  Still am, actually.”

“Hmph…  Well, I suppose there was something, actually…”

“Oh?”

“…The episode you cited involves the Pink Princess, which anyone would know is not from the original series, Steel Samurai: Warrior of Neo Olde Tokyo.  And thus is an invalid answer to the question Ms. Fey posed.”  He shakes his head, giving you a smug little shrug.

“But the Pink Princess is the immediate, spiritual successor to the original Steel Samurai show!  It’s a part of the cinematic universe, so… I don’t see why it shouldn’t count?  Plus, I still think it’s a better episode than any of the ones in the original series…”

This is the first he’s heard of this opinion of yours and he frowns, gesturing at you with his pointer finger rather emphatically as he speaks, “Well, from what I’ve heard from critics of children’s media, the finale episode of Steel Samurai: Warrior of Neo Olde Tokyo ended up being a masterpiece—in spite of all the issues with production leading up to its release.  Additionally, the critical final battle with the Evil Magistrate of the series was hailed as a phenomenal climax.”

“But the scene in which he gets to battle side-by-side with the Pink Princess for the first time holds so much more plot significance than another close call with the Evil Magistrate!  Even if that’s one of the most significant interactions between them, it’s still not comparable…!  They finally find each other and find a true sense of family and belonging!  It’s the major moment of that series for that reason!!!”

“Objection!”  Miles leans on his forearm across the table, grimacing as he launches into a rant, “It’s not just ‘another close call’…!  The moral conundrum the Steel Samurai is placed in that fight is essential to his character growth for his appearances in the Pink Princess series and it sets the stage for their interactions with the Evil Magistrate, as well.  It adds significantly more complexity and layers to the story than the episode you’re incorrectly suggesting is superior.”

“How could you say that!?” you ask, slamming a hand down on the table.  “The relationship between the Steel Samurai and the Pink Princess is the key to both of their character arcs!  The themes established in that episode are far more prevalent in later seasons, plus it marks the beginning of their better later arcs…  I get that you—erm, critics—prefer the original series because it came first, but the other series have a definite improvement in writing quality!”

As the two of you glare each other down, Phoenix continues to loudly slurp down his noodles—wishing that he hadn’t agreed to… whatever this group meal has become.  He’ll have to pick Trucy up from school pretty soon, so at least he has that excuse to leave and spirit the Feys away from your bizarre lovers’ quarrel.  Edgeworth’s covering the bill anyways

You finally break the stare down by turning to Maya right before Edgeworth was going to refute your counter argument.  “You started this with your question!  So, which one do you think is better?  We need you to testify to break the tie.”

She freezes, wide-eyed at your question before finishing slurping up her noodles and flashing you both another smile. “Neither!”

“N-Neither?!”  Miles and you both shout in a unison of disbelief.

He recovers before you do, crossing his arms over his chest as he delivers an unintentional glare at her.  “Ms. Fey, what do you mean by ‘neither’?  In terms of emotional significance, those are the two episodes with the greatest impact…”

“Those two are both all right, I guess, but my favorite’s the episode where the Steel Samurai busts into the Evil Magistrate’s headquarters to save the Pink Princess after she’s been kidnapped,” she says, balling her hands into fists with a determined look on her face, absolutely unfazed.  “Only to find that she’s already busted herself out and is wiping the floor with his henchmen!  It’s the best fight scene and it shows how awesome the Pink Princess is!”  

“…And what about you, Pearl?” you ask, hoping that you’d have a tie breaker yet.  “Which do you think is the best episode?”

Pearl wilts under your’s and Edgeworth’s expectant gazes, she looks toward Maya for courage.  “O-Oh, um… I-I have to agree with Mystic Maya from what I’ve seen.  We’ve watched that episode a few times and it’s, um, very good.”

You and Miles simply stare at them both, absolutely dismayed that you’d both.

The young girl bites her thumb, sensing that she’s only worsened the situation and turns to Phoenix in the hopes that he’d save the day again.  “U-Um, but what about you, Mr. Wright?  What do you think?”

Maya waves a hand before Phoenix could so much as get a peep out.  “He’s still as much of an old fart as always, he’s only ever seen a few of the episodes and doesn’t even appreciate how cool it is”—she puffs out her cheeks as she continues—”but he’s been watching Sailor Moon with Trucy, which isn’t fair!  Steel Samurai’s a way cooler show!”

“…Well, it sounds to me like Maya won this argument, two-to-one, and earned some more noodles to boot,” Phoenix says with a small chuckle before standing up and ignoring Maya’s comments, glad for an excuse to finally leave.  “But speaking of Trucy… I believe it’s time that we get going.  I need to pick her up on our way back to the agency.”

Wait, noodles?  You look down and realize that she has, indeed, swiped both your noodles and your boyfriend’s while you’d been arguing.  While the two of you stare in shock at the place where your food had been only minutes ago, the three of them get up.  Maya and Pearl wave at you and say their goodbyes, but neither of you really process it in your confused surprise.

Phoenix lingers for a few more moments, flashing his old rival a lazy grin once he looks up at him.  “And here I thought you didn’t like the Steel Samurai, Edgeworth.

Miles’s face flushes red, finger beginning to tap away at the crook of his elbow as he averts his gaze once more.  “I…!  Nnnghrk… this was entrapment.”

“Ha ha…sure.  Well, I’ll see you guys around, then…  Thanks again for the food.”

He leaves the two of you alone and a few moments of before you both share a chuckle over the ridiculous events that had just unfolded.  When the laughter dies down, you reach a hand across the table as a peace offering.

“Truce?”

“…Truce… for the moment, at least,” he admits w, gently taking your hand in his own and giving it an absurdly formal shake.  It’s simultaneously very endearing, but frustrating because you know when he says ‘for the moment,’ he means it.

Not having any reason to linger since your meals had been polished off for you, you decide to head back to his place to spend the rest of his rare day off having a Steel Samurai marathon… and continuing your argument in private as you started by rewatching the two episodes in question, purely for evidence, of course!

[jemimacaleyreadallaboutit]

JOHN VANBRUGH

Sir John Vanbrugh was an English architect, dramatist and herald, perhaps best known as the designer of Blenheim palace and castle Howard. Born 24th January 1664 in London and died 26th March 1726 in Westminster, London. He also wrote comedies. He also designed seaton delaval hall, grimsthorpe castle, Stowe house and kings Weston house. In his architectural career, he created what came to be known as English baroque. His architectural work was a bold and daring as his early political activism and marriage themed plays, and jarred conservative opinions on the subject. Born in London and baptised on 24th January 1664, Vanbrugh was the fourth child (of 19) and eldest surviving son. He grew up in Chester, where his family had been driven by either the major outbreak of the plague of London in 1665, or great fire of London in 1666. It is possible that he attended the kings school in Chester, though no records of his being a scholar there survive. Another candidate would of been the school at Ashby de la zouch founded by Henry Hastings, it was also not uncommon for boys to be sent to study at school away from home, or with a tutor. Architectural historian Kerry downes is sceptical of earlier historians, as he claims of a lower middle class background. To dispel the myth of Vanbrughs humble origins, downes took pains to explore Vanbrughs background, closely examining the family and connections of each of his four grandparents. After growing up in a large household in Chester (12 children of his mothers second marriage survived infancy) the question of how Vanbrugh spent the years from age 18 to 22 (after he left school) was long unanswered, with the baseless suggestion sometimes made that he had been studying architecture in France. Then he was in India for some time, Working for a company at their trading post. However, Vanbrugh never mentioned this experience in writing. Scholars debate whether evidence of his exposure to Indian architecture can be detected in any of his architectural designs.

Vanbrughs London career was diverse and varied, comprising playwriting, architectural design, and attempts to combine these two overarching interests. His overlapping achievements and business ventures were sometimes confusing even to Vanbrugh himself. In 1703, Vanbrugh started buying land and signing backers for the construction of a new theatre designed by himself and managed by Vanbrugh, it was intended for the use of actors cooperative and hoped to improve the chances of legitimate theatre in London. Theatre was under threat from more colourful types of entertainment such as opera, juggling, pantomime, animal acts, travelling dance troupes and famous visiting Italian singers. They also hoped to make a profit, and Vanbrugh optimistically bought up the actors company making him the sole owner. In 1719, at st Lawrence church, York Vanbrugh married Henrietta Maria Yarbrough of heslington hall, York, aged 26 to his 55. In spite of the age difference, this was by all accounts a happy marriage, which produced two sons. Unlike that of the rake heroes and fops of his plays, Vanbrughs personal life was without scandal. The precise reasons and motivations behind Vanbrughs change in career remain unclear, but the decision was sudden enough even to remarked upon by commenters of his time. As an architect Vanbrugh is thought to had no formal training. To what extent Vanbrughs exposure to contemporary french architecture during years of imprisonment in France affected him is hard to gauge. Though Vanbrugh is best known in connection with stately houses, the parlous state of London’s 18th century streets did not escape his attention.

Castle Howard, with its emmense corridors in segmental colonnades leading from the main entrance block to the flanking wings, it’s centre crowned by a great domed tower complete with cupola, is very much in the school of classic European baroque. It combined aspects of design tha had only appeared occasionally, if at all, in English architecture. Castle Howard was acclaimed a success. This fantastical building, unparalleled in England, with its facades and roofs decorated by pilasters, statuary, and flowing ornamental carving, ensured that baroque became an overnight success. While the greater part of castle Howard was inhabited and completed by 1709, the finishing touches were to continue for much of Vanbrughs lifetime. The west wing was finally completed after Vanbrughs death, to an altered design. The acclaim of the work at castle Howard led to Vanbrughs most famous commission, architect for Blenheim palace. Regarding the commission, William Talman, an already established architect and comptroller of the kings works had initially been the architect of choice, charging more than the lord had thought reasonable. Vanbrughs charm, and gal and lack thereof, may have been enough to convince the patron to change his architect. However, it remains unknown how Vanbrugh, totally untrained and inexperienced, persuaded earl Carlisle to grant the responsibility of architect to him. The design process began in the summer of 1699, before the end of the year model for castle Howard was under construction, stone was being quarried and foundations discussed. It appears that the early drawings of the design for castle Howard were made by hawksmoor and in 1700 he was formally introduced by Vanbrugh into the project as draughtsman and clerk of works. Designs varied and evolved until 1702, the pair working together.

Vanbrughs house: in July 1700 the king granted Vanbrugh permission to build on the ruins of Whitehall at his own expense. Brick and stone from the ruins of the palace of Whitehall were used and the house was sited on what was the vice chamberlains lodgings. The small, two storied house was unique in design, though its size and proportions led to it being called, unflatteringly, a ‘goose pie’

Blenheim palace was conceived to be not only a grand country house, but a national monument. Consequently, the light baroque style used at castle Howard would have been unsuitable for what is in effect a war memorial. It is in truth more of a castle, or citadel, than a palace. As it was designed as a national monument first and a comfortable family home second, Vanbrugh had many arguments with the duchess who wanted the palace to be a comfyable country house for her family. As a result of these arguments Vanbrugh resigned before the palace was completed in November 1716. The qualities of the building are best illustrated by the massive east gate set in the curtain wall of the service block, it has been described as resembling an impregnable entrance to a walled city. The gate, it’s tapering walls creating an illusion of greater height, also serves as water tower for the palace. Blenheim, the largest non royal domestic building in England, consists of three blocks, the centre containing the living and state rooms, and two flanking rectangular wings both built around a central courtyard: one contains the stables, and the other the kitchens, laundries, and storehouses. If castle Howard was the first truly baroque building in England, then Blenheim palace is the most definitive. While castle Howard is a dramatic assembly of restless masses, Blenheim is altogether of a more solid construction, relying on tall slender windows and monumental statuary on the roofs to lighten the mass of yellow stone. The suite of state rooms placed on the piano nobile were designed to be overpowering and magnificent displays, rather than warm, or comfortable. Cosy, middle class comfort was not the intention at Versailles, the great palace of Marlborough’s foe, and it was certainly not deemed a consideration in the palace built the house the conqueror of Versailles master. As was common in the 18th century, personal comfort was sacrificed to perspective. Windows were to adorn the facades, as well as light the interior. Blenheim was designed as a theatre piece both externally and also from the 67 foot high great hall, leading to the huge saloon, all designed on an axis with the 134 foot high column of victory in the grounds, with the trees planted in the battle positions of Marlborough’s soldiers. Over the south portico itself a massive and dense construction of piers and columns, definitely not designed in the Palladian manner for elegant protection from the sun.

I like both buildings (castle Howard and Blenheim) as there very luxurious and grand, there also very similar.

[qqueenofhades]

1/2 Hello! French anon again, thank you for the references, I'll check them out. I have to say that I am very French in my way of thinking, so I sometimes struggle with the idea of American integration and communities, often wondering what binds all the people together then. Not to say that the French one works better. There are a lot of problems and geographical segregation alone (and the many forms of everyday racism) are evidence of that. My ask this time was more lighthearted.

French anon 2/2 I have started watching Timeless (I'm at the 3rd episode, so...) after discovering it on your blog. It didn't truly click with me and it will probably stay as my ironing clothes TV show... I know it brings some degree of history awareness to the public but isn't it grossly simplified? I know the format doesn't really allow for deep exploration but still. Also, the whole "we can't change the past", well, by going there they already do, it's more like mitigating damage after that.

French anon 3/3 So I know you love it very much and I've read some of the reasons why but would you tell me if it gets better? I guess it also feel very American (not in a derogatory way!) and speaks less to me than history I've learned in school would... Anyway, I hope you're doing as well as can be, thank you for sharing your thoughts! :) 

Ahaha. Timeless. Ahaha. Haha. Hah.

Hah.

(Spoilers will follow below, just so you know.)

I have, shall we say, a complicated relationship with that show. Let me be the first off to say it is not Quality Cinema; there are a lot of plot holes, the usual time-travel caveats that you kind of have to shrug and go with, and yes it is, as you say, especially American in its outlook, especially early in season 1 when it looks like the conflict is “oh no we have to save this scary Eastern European baddie from Destroying America Tee Em!!!” Believe me, I also side-eyed it a lot  for exactly that reason, though it was fun enough that it kept me going. And then I fell DEEP in the trash bin for said not-actually-a-baddie at all, and... sigh.

There are still things about the show, especially in individual moments, that I thought are really well done, and I did love it (once) for a lot of reasons. You have to understand that American history is SO sanitized that for a lot of people, actually discovering the contributions of women and people of color and other unknown figures that Timeless, at its best, tried to highlight, really WAS revelatory. It inspired a ton of passion and public history examination and things that I, as a historian, obviously endorse. While still coming at everything from essentially a well-meaning white American liberal perspective (and yes, it was co-run by Eric Kripke of Supernatural infamy, hence all the fridged women in the character backstories), it did do a lot for making the average American cable-television viewer think about parts of history that they simply didn’t know about, and it inspired a devoted cult following for this and other reasons. But this fan following was a double-edged sword. It saved the show from cancellation at the end of season 1 and gave it a 10-episode season 2, which has some of my favorite episodes in the show for Reasons. But then once it was again cancelled after that, we got stuck with a two-part “Christmas Special” to wrap things up which, in the way of rushed finale so-called fanservice movies everywhere, was unspeakably ghastly on every single level, slaughtered the characters and the story, and left people (especially me) with such a bad taste in our mouths that Timeless canon (at least post-2x10) is dead to us and means we can’t revisit it without a certain amount of pain. Because yes. It was so bad. It’s generally known as the Abomination and it doesn’t actually exist.

I still love the characters, for the most part, a whole lot. Rufus, Jiya, Lucy, and Flynn are my absolute baes and I would die for every one of them. Wyatt, frankly, is the most boring, least compelling, least developed, and un-nuanced out of the lot of them, and in the way of White Fandom everywhere, he got woobified first by the fandom and then the writers, who ruined everything in the Abomination to “fix” the mistakes he had made in the course of season 2. I have rehabilitated and improved him in my fics, but I hate canon Wyatt with the burning passion of a thousand suns, not sorry, and the way everything else got dragged down by his deadweight. Basically, I enjoy the setting and the characters and the premise as inspiration for fics and fanworks more than, at this point, I enjoy anything about Timeless show canon itself. I’ve never felt the need to revisit or rewatch after the Abomination, sadly, because it was just that terrible. But I DID finish the story by writing a full-length Season 3 and 4, a major fan project that I’m very proud of, at @timeless-season-four​. I did it because I was just that full of spite at how the “official” ending handled things, I knew I could do it better for every single character and story, and I did. I think that I do handle a lot more of the complexities of history in my episodes than the show ever did, but then, I’m coming at it from a different perspective.

So... there’s that. You’re obviously under no obligation to continue if it’s not your super cup of tea (and as I said, the Christmas Thing will never be forgiven by me, but hey, it’s cool). I still love parts of it (characters, lines, episodes, my beloved OTP that they did so dirty) even if not the whole, so if you still need to have something in the background while ironing clothes, it could be worse. But yes, well, there’s my relationship with it in a nutshell, and I definitely agree with everything you’ve said, especially for someone approaching it from outside the U.S. It’s definitely made from that perspective, for better and sometimes decidedly for worse, and that’s just what it is.

[kodemunkey]

ADHD and Me

I’m a British guy,  37 years old and I found out in April that I have innatentive adhd. I also have dyslexia, dyspraxia and suspected high functioning autism. I’ve seen a lot of things over the years about how people with adhd are always hyperactive and can never sit still. I’m neither of those things, I was always the “quiet, smart kid with his head in a book” It was only in October last year that it dawned on me that after years of struggling with my grades (always “acceptably bad” just enough to scrape by in school, college and later university, where they thought “Oh maybe he has dyslexia, let’s get him tested” I was seen and tested by one of the leading experts in the country to get my statement organised, and I utterly baffled them, as one of my test results came back as the highest test score she had ever seen, and this was a woman who had been doing this for close to fourty years solid at this point. So, I had my dyslexia statement and everything was figured out and I was pigeon holed quite nicely, next person please. I had gone to university, primarily to spite my school teachers (aside from one, who passed away a few years after i finished primary school and had always tried to find ways to help me, I miss her even now) My attempt at a foundation degree was, to be frank quite bad, as the college it was run through was labled as an  “Arts College” But was anything but that, they would give you 6 weeks to do a project, where everything was to be done in a set way, you were expected to spend two and a half weeks researching and exhaustively analysing your research before going out to shoot and comng back and doing the same to your work and going out again to do more. I would go out and shoot for four weeks and come back with two weeks to spare to work on my analysis and just about made the cut for submissions. It wasn’t until four years on various courses with the same tutor that he thought I was “different” They spoke to the other tutors and staff, who knew me quite well at this point and decided I was an “intuative photographer” which I guess helped a little, but i still struggled. I somehow managed to scrape enough brainpower and grades together to go to the University For The Creative Arts (UCA) at Rochester in Kent. The difference in education styles was, to be frank, shocking and alarming. I didn’t have to produce a lick of written analysis or a single contact sheet and I had up to three months to produce a project! The quality of my work improved immensely, as did my grades when it came to my written work, I was a C average student, which is far more than I ever thought possible. I graduated with a third class honours degree in 2014. It’s now 2020 and I still can’t read or write for pleasure like I used to pre university. As for the employment situation, it’s been pretty bad for me, the Job Centre don’t know what to do with me, I’ve been on every single scheme they can get money to send me to, and i’m still no better off. I even tried to go self employed through a scheme they put me on, I chose to be a pet photographer after a lot of market research. The scheme provider and HMRC give you two years to turn a profit before they make you shut down if you’ve not earned anything. The Job Centre demanded I pull the plug after six months. I’m still continuing my photography, at present it’s a “profesional hobby” and i’m  starting to alright with it. Fast forward to this year when I was diagnosed in April via a Zoom call (god how I loathe and hate video conferencing) by a wonderful consultant named Marco Cattani, who I believe is one of the leading ADHD experts. He told me after a conference between me and my older brother who had arranged everything that he suspects i have innatentive ADHD and possibly high functioning autism. I was in a daze for about two weeks after that, though i do remember at a followup conversation we spoke about medication, he told me all the options available to me and I asked to be prescribed medication from the weak side of the scale, my older brother also has ADHD and is on amphetamine based medication and it has benefited him immensely. He runs a web design agency in brighton with a sizeable staff and has a small art gallery too. Even before his diagnosis, he was, in any conventional sense successful, his agency has won numerous awards, he (pre covid) went on holiday a couple of times a year, owns his own house and has a flat he rents out in Brighton, he’s also married to his long term girlfriend and has a chubby ginger cat who adopted him out of the blue one day. Marco (the adhd consultant) prescribed me Concerta XL at 18 mg dose to start with, I now take 36mg once a day) What follows next is what taking Concerta XL was like (and still is) for me. Day 1, i take the tablet early in the day as I was told to, so that it would have time to kick in, which takes about 30 minutes to absorb it. 30 minutes later, my heart starts to race (which is something I was told would happen) I had to leave the house right there and then and I went for an extremely long walk (this was also during the opening stages of the Covid-19 pandemic here) Three hours later, I come back home and was still pretty wired from the tablet, so I spent the rest of the day alone in my room, not wanting to inflict myself on anyone. The next day, I felt utterly sick to my stomach and had a headache, I tried to actually be sick in the bathroom, but where i hadn’t eaten the previous day, there was nothing to get rid of. I sat dazed and under three huge blankets in the middle of an early summer, feeling like crap. My brother checked in on my later that day, having been told by my parents (who I live with) what had happened. He told me: “Oh, I should have warned you about that, I forgot”. That’s great, thanks for that. Over the next month, the palpitations gradualy subside as the tablets start to work. An “added bonus” is appetite control, pre meds, i was almost 22 stone as I would be eating and snacking all day long to try and control my anxieties (food and social mainly) These days, I don’t actually want to eat unless i’m going out on a (socially distanced) photoshoot. My weight has dropped off slowly since then and is almost stable, which has pretty much never happened before in my life. The most difficult thing I’m dealing with is that the meds are making me re-examine large parts of my life, to the point where I tell people that I feel like i’m owed the past 20 years of my life back. To me i’m somewhere between serious and it being a bit of a dark joke, to anyone on the outside they either don’t respond or say “well, we all wish that” It has also lead to me questioning my gender identity, which until this hit me in the face like a ton of bricks I didn’t know was even possible. I can’t talk to my family about this as they’re somewhat “traditional” and won’t understand, with the exception of my sister, who I belive identifies as asexual. I have a long way to go before I figure out the “normal” for me, which I guess is true for a lot of people during the current pandemic. I myself used to believe the adhd stereotypes before I found out i have it and am now on medication, now though I see things very differently. While the tablets do help me to focus on things (such as this) It’s taken me about 4 hours to type out and I feel like this is the most useful thing I can do today, even though I have photoshoots to organise for the next month. Medication is extremely useful, but it’s also life changing, It’s basically like having your brain removed, spun around, put back in and then rewired on the fly. I’ll have to stay on these things for the rest of my life, which is fine. Thank you for reading.