#but this is also the time of year when patho is most on my mind so i had to get this out of my system ����‍💫

[wiltkingart]

bound

[lostcauses-noregrets]

Bad Boy

A few meta-type thoughts about Bad Boy, now the dust has started to settle.  There could hardly have been more hype in the run up to the release of Shingeki FLY, but Bad Boy certainly delivered.  It’s classic Isayama; for such a short chapter it really packs an emotional punch, blending real pathos and tragedy with shockingly graphic violence and body horror.  It doesn't really add anything to the over all plot, which is to be expected, but it does provide insight into Levi’s character and answers one question that fans have been speculating about for years.

The story of why Levi holds his tea cup in such a peculiar way isn’t new. Isayama mentioned this in a magazine interview (I think?) way back in 2014

Q: …why he has such way of holding cup? Isayama: About that, I was thinking of drawing this one day. When he was a kid, Levi was living in slums and poverty. He was yearning for a life in clean & neat environment (not rich life). When he finally obtained the tea and tea set those he has been desperately wanted, he was rejoicing that finally he can drink it. But when he started to grip on the handle and lift up the cup, the handle came off and his cup was shattered. He was so traumatised by this experience and that’s why he changed his way of holding cups to not using the handle.

However we now know that the cup belonged to his mother and the extraordinary lengths Levi went to recover it. What is new is that we finally have confirmation of when Levi’s Ackerpowers were awakened.  Fans have been arguing about this for years; some thought it was when he killed the man with the knife immediately before Kenny left, others suggested it was when Farlan and Isabel were killed. Now we finally have an answer.  It’s not exactly clear how much time has lapsed between Kenny taking Levi in, his powers awakening, and Kenny leaving, however the fact that Kuchel’s tea set hadn’t yet made its way to the surface suggests that not much time had passed at all. 

Levi’s description of his powers awakening is fascinating;  

“Strangely enough I didn’t doubt what was happening to me at that moment. The pain had vanished, my head was calm, as if it had been immersed in water. Clear instructions on what to do came to my mind. I simply followed them one by one.”

This is the most information we’ve ever had about the famous Ackerpowers and goes some way to explaining Levi and Mikasa’s preternatural calm and focus when they're fighting.   They really only succumb to panic and despair when their loved ones are threatened.  Think of Mikasa in Shiganshina and at Fort Salta, and Levi when Farlan and Isabel die and when he allows Zeke to escape after Erwin rode out to his death. 

The panel illustrating Levi’s powers awakening is also interesting as it looks very like a Titan transformation. This suggests there is more than a grain of truth in what the Yeagers said about Ackermans being a by-product of Titan science, who were able to access the power of the Titans without becoming Titans themselves.   

It’s not difficult to draw a direct line between the abuse and persecution Levi suffered as a child, with his determination to use his power to protect those in need.  Initially he used his strength to protect the vulnerable people of the Underground, such as Isabel, however once he met Erwin he was able to exert his power to serve an even higher goal - saving humanity. Isayama discussed this in the Answers Guidebook way back in 2006 and I think his comments are worth repeating here. 

Isayama With the heroes of American comics, conflicts dealing with the situation “with great power, comes great responsibility” have been depicted. In Levi’s case, if he had no power, he would probably have been an ordinary person with no responsibilities but, as a consequence of having power, that he became a person excessively burdened with responsibility. Kenny talked about “everyone… was a slave to something…”, when he put the question to Levi “what is yours!?”, Levi himself too perceived it. That he himself too was a slave in regard to his own strength. The sense of duty that “I must become a hero”. …the same thing can be said of Mikasa too but…, for the Ackerman family, in the service of their master, there are many people who are able to manifest their power to its maximum.

[Translation by @tsuki-no-ura]

I think it's also very in keeping with Levi's character that he remained devoted to saving humanity after the Rumbling; providing succour to the children in the refugee camp, and working to renew the environment destroyed by Eren's genocide, despite his injuries and regardless of whether he retained his Ackerpowers.

The title of the chapter, Bad Boy, is also interesting. No one actually calls Levi a “bad boy” in the chapter (though he is called worse) which suggests that this is how Levi sees himself.  It makes me wonder how much he internalised the thug’s insinuation that his mother would have been disappointed in him, and it also recalls Levi’s speech to Historia and the 104th, where he says he’s fine playing the role of the violent lunatic.  Poor baby.

Another point the chapter clarifies is the origin of Levi’s belief that Kenny was his father.  To be honest, it’s hardly surprising that Levi assumed this considering Kenny clearly had some kind of relationship with his mother and took him in without question. Still, knowing that the seed of that belief was planted by a thug who was willing to torture and kill a child, or sell him into sexual slavery, really twists the knife. 

[Translation by krtk.]

I am a little sad that we didn’t see more of Kenny in the chapter, but his presence certainly looms large.

I had expected to see more of Kuchel but at the same time I’m almost glad we didn’t.�� Her life was brutal beyond measure and we’ve already seen her tragic death. Several fans have suggested that the reason we only see Kuchel in partial profile is because Levi’s memories of her are so hazy, all he really recalls is her grace 😢

It’s remarkable that Kuchel was able to retain such poise and grace despite living in such desperate squalor.  @momtaku has made the point that Kuchel appears to have been born into at least modest comfort, judging from Grandpa Ackermans’ home, which would explain where her elegance and also her fancy china came from.  It’s heartbreaking that both she and Levi clung on to this small memento of a better life. 

Levi’s devotion to his mother, his desire to emulate her grace and cling on to her belongings is devastating, is very much in keeping with everything we know about his character.  Levi has boundless compassion, is deeply loyal, and never forgets those he loves, whether it’s Farlan and Isabel, Erwin, or his squad.  He’s also very sentimental; saving his mother’s tea set, and drinking tea evokes a direct connection to Kuchel and the only good thing he remembers from the squalor and cruelty of his childhood. This makes Erwin’s willingness to indulge his sentimentality and bend the rules to procure a steady supply of high quality tea for Levi all the more poignant. 

There's been some debate about Gabi's reaction to Levi's story in the final panel...

Some people have interpreted her expression as holding back tears, while others have suggested she's trying not to laugh. I'm definitely in the stifled laughter camp. It just seems so very typical of Gabi and her relationship with Levi...

Gabi: - winds Levi up - Levi: - trauma dumps - Gabi: - stifled laughter / more wind up - Falco: - actually upset - "Would you guys stop??" Onyankopon: - shade -

It's also very typical of Isayama to poke fun at his characters like this, and it stops the story from tipping over into bathos.

There is one burning question that Bad Boy doesn’t answer and it’s this - what tf was kid Levi doing in Mr Smith’s classroom?? 

Despite hoping against hope, I never really expected Isayama to answer this, because he does love to troll his readers.  Is it too much to hope that sometime down the line he’ll reappear with another chapter called School Boy?? 

[ennn]

The kiss did kill Agatha but it was because she made it happen. "That's cute, but you know that [absorbing Rio's powers] would kill me" they had that line for a reason and having the line again on the previously on was to remind the audience of that. So a normal agathario kiss wouldn't cause death, but Agatha actually absorbing Rio's powers while kissing definitely would.

That being said, I agree with all the things you highlighted that you liked. May I ask which things you would've done different or didn't love as much, maybe?

Also, from the most neutral point of view, do you think Agatha still loves Rio? Did she ever?

I agree with that read! Note: this also means Rio would have needed to let her magic go into Agatha. Agatha can only take when blasted with magic, not by touching people, so Rio was aware she was killing her but it was Agatha's choice to take it on the mouth

Ooh good questions, time to play editor / script doctor for a bit. This is probably going to be long... and can be negative so I'm keeping it under a cut.

Things I did not love / would have done differently — not comprehensive — just off the top of my head:

For the love of god use a different ghost SFX. I hate the current one with the fire of 10,000 suns. It makes it hard to see the actor's performance, their outfit, and it messes with their body language as well. Outside the fantastical reality of the Road, it's too distracting.

Burn that white-grey wig for ghost!Agatha. Between this and the SFX I was struggling to focus on the scenes and their pathos. I think Episode 5 wasn't so bad because Evanora didn't really do much except float around in a smock and say some mean lines but Agatha's moving around, talking a lot, and trying to land some emotional beats.

The whole showdown in the garden feels weird to me, and I think you can tell that they only Aubrey Plaza for a limited time: she barely seems to be in the same frame except for the kiss? I suspect that's why we have shots focused on Billy hitting the greenhouse, Death on the house, and a very very short magical fight. You also don't get proper reactions from Rio on what could have been a couple of revealing beats like when Agatha initially offers Billy up and walks away.

The big one: I'm not convinced Agatha had a proper arc here. If it was planned I don't think it landed for me. You get a hint of Agatha making some peace with how death just happens at the end of the earth trial: "Sometimes boys die" – beautiful moment -– but it doesn't seem to follow through? Yes, she ultimately makes a choice that allows Rio to continue pursuing her (because Rio would have kept her word if Agatha handed Billy over). But coming to terms with her grief and Nicky's death? Has she forgiven Rio? Has she forgiven herself? It feels unresolved to me imho.

Agatha being protective of Billy is... some development I guess but she was already instinctively protective of him in like Episode 3, and by then she already knew he wasn't Nicky. I needed more growth from Agatha, I think?

I'm not sure about the whole mental messaging power of Billy's. Is it supposed to imply he's also reading Agatha's mind? Did he not say it out loud because then we'd have to get a reaction from Rio and Plaza isn't available?

Cast a younger kid for Nicky lol. I know there are production limitations but to me that kid looks too old for a 6-7 year old. Is it just me? I don't usually hang out with kids.

Streamline the flashbacks with Agatha and Nicky. We get it: she loves him, it's their song, he's not a fan of the murdering, he dies. I'd fit in a scene (it can be a short one) to underline how Rio did care about Nicky (she visits him?) and show Agatha having conflicting feelings about loving but fearing Death.

In an ideal world, not have Billy in his superhero outfit because that should have had some build-up for a reveal. I know it's Marvel and they need to sell merch and stuff but there really was enough stuff going on and how the hell did Billy get that suit anyway? The crown I can overlook but the rest is weird to me. --

For your last question about Agatha loving Rio I'll tackle it in another Anon Ask coming up that's similar!

[crumblinggothicarchitecture]

Hey. This might be very stupid, but i hope you answer this.

Today I accidently got sucked into your blog, which is ironic since I'm a huge swiftie. (but I'm not here to hate on you, I swear)

The thing is for months I've been doubting where I stand on that. Like if i should call myself a swifte or not. when I was young, I used to worship the ground she walked on. but in the past year, I've slowly realised I've been very sheltered. like the problems people point out about her sometimes are actual real problems, but my brain just doesn't know how to respond to that as it has been taught taylor swift is a goddess and can do no wrong. Since your posts are tagged with #exswiftie, i figure you'd understand.

I am not from america, so I can understand then politics part of it all only to a certian extend. the other things, I just dont know what to say to that. The most i can reply is..."yes that is a bit of a problem". I feel don't feel like a swiftie at that moment.

I had fed my mind this narrative that people who hate taylor swift passionately are like untrustworthy or just a walking red flag, or just "don't get it". Now after reading your actual breakdowns I understand you have a rather educated opinion and perception of things. Which clearly rules out my narrative.

I don't know what I feel like I have to define where I stand on this, I just do. I know I genuinely enjoy her music a lot, even there are songs I don't want to hear more than once. I love the whole swiftie lore, digging deep on each lyrics finding out what they mean, finding clues easter eggs just losing my mind over surprise songs. Then i see this other side, which can't be defined with anything less than deeply toxic, which makes me question whether or not this thing i love so much is genuinely good or not.

Hello dear, apologies for the delay in reply :) I am happy to chat with you. I hope that you did not think I would ignore you.  

I was also a Swiftie for nearly 15 years. I got her debut record as a Christmas present in 2006 or 2007. Though I cannot remember which year it was, I loved her from the start. At 10 years old, I was immediately interested. My mother approved of me owning her music simply because she was inoffensive. She didn’t curse or talk about sex, in the beginning, so she was deemed appropriated for my childhood self.  She and I have since grown up. She is now a terribly pretentious bully- and, well, I grew up much too poor and much too hungry to turn into a bully like her. 

The problem- and something I think you’re very much aware of- is that Swift has built herself up in her fandom as perfect. She encourages fans to defend her every action- and rewards them for their efforts through “Swiftmas” or “Secret Sessions” or “hidden easter eggs that only the smartest- most dedicated fans will figure out.” It’s all methodically calculated to keep up an air of reciprocity between Swift, as the fearless leader, and her band of merry misfits- the fans.  

You are not dumb for falling into her rhetorical situation - she's set the marketing strategy up on purpose. It’s specifically created to attract attention- and, to make people feel good, or productive, by participating in her marketing strategy. She gives people an image of herself as a poor innocent victim of the media, or of any critique, and then rewards people for defending her. In Literary study, we call this “Pathos” as the rhetorical appeal to emotion through messaging- textual work of some kind. Rhetoric like this can be found in all sorts of media- commercials about starving children or beaten dogs, charity event banners aiming to persuade someone to donate. It’s all predicated on the appeal to our common emotion, or human capacity to empathize with each other. For, every time fans are rewarded by her attention- after defending her from a perceived enemy, or figuring out some hidden clue- they feel closer to the idol, they feel happy to have her attention. They get that emotional impact of believing they are helping Taylor Swift, or understanding her better on some more human, connected, level. It’s a game of risk and reward for her. Never mind that none of this altruistic- she gets paid through our attention on her- and if you are not directly lining her pockets with your cash money, she does not actually care about you. It’s the image of caring she projects that matters much more than the fact that she doesn’t actually care.

I’m sure you can think of many more examples wherein Swift has played this game of attention and reward with fans. It’s everywhere- her easter eggs are a great example. Sometimes her use of Pathos is benign- non malicious, therefore a non-issue. However, she often weaponizes this rhetoric in a way that is harmful.

This interplay she sets up, between herself and her fans, is made more intensive through her pathos- heavy approach to Rhetoric. To further illustrate, one of the ways people often explain Pathos is by saying that it represents our, as human beings, judgement affect. We see, or hear, the narrative Swift espouses and make judgements about it. If she says: The music critics are sexist towards me. We say: 1.) Sexism is morally wrong, 2.) Taylor Swift is facing sexism from Music critics, Therefore.) The music critics are sexist and morally wrong, because they are criticizing Taylor Swift.

So, all the critics are bad- and we don't need to listen to them. It's also a way Swift creates permissive attitudes towards attacking anyone who critique's her- because she can so easily label them all as sexist.

She uses this basic syllogism to justify leveraging her fans against all kinds of people- it's not just the critics. I just wanted to give a concrete example, and I will go more in depth on this subject in another post.  

She is playing with people’s emotions, while she is also self-victimizing,and leveraging her audience’s innate human rejection of, for instance, sexism as it offends our personal values. No one is saying that sexism isn't morally corrupt; however, Taylor Swift points to valid criticism and calls it sexism so that her audience will attack. People often have valid critique of Swift- She just doesn't want to face critique at all- ever. If people say her music is too self-centered- Swift says that is Sexism. If people say her music is boring- she calls it sexism. If people say her music is shallow and only centered are relationships- She calls it sexism. When, in reality, it's valid criticism that has nothing to do with her being a woman. Only ever writing songs about your own myopic, self-centered perception of interpersonal relationships is shallow. Her music is objectively boring, because it's derivative. Her music is completely self-centered- and she only admits to that when it benefits her, but when critics say it, she calls it sexism.

Please don’t think badly of yourself. I am not here to hate on you either- I was you. I am not here to hate on anyone at all- I just want to share how my own knowledge, and expertise, of rhetorical appeals and literary analysis can expose Taylor Swift. Swift relies on this rhetorical technique to thrive, she obfuscates the truth, schemes, and manipulates people into thinking her music is the best thing on Earth- or thinking that she is literally a Saint. Clearly- nothing on Earth is that perfect- So why does she need her fan base to consider her a genius, and a saint, so badly?

Personally, I have no problem admitting I have flaws. I think most sane people can admit to their flaws. It’s not a bad thing to have flaws. So why does Taylor Swift react to all criticism like it’s the worst thing on Earth. Why does she have a whole song about calling critics “mean/ and a liar/ and pathetic/ and alone in life” (“Mean” 2010). She has the nerve to call that song an “anti-bullying” song; yet, is it so clearly bullying that random critic who wrote a bad review about her concert one time in 2009? She really hated that guy- and all he was doing was his job. She called him a drunken loser for just doing his job. 

She's written so many songs about how all her critics are just stupid, morally corrupt, or sexist: "The Man" (2019), "Mean" (2010), "But Daddy I love Him" (2024), "New Romantics" (2014), "Shake it Off" (2014), "I know Places" (2014), "Anti-Hero" (2023), "Paris" (2023), "Blank Space" (2014), "I did something Bad" (2018), "Dancing with our hands tied" (2018). There are more songs wherein she carries this theme of "everyone is out to get me, and they all hate me for no good reason" but I think I've listed enough.

The general message is all over "Evermore" and "Folklore" too every time she calls the general public "Clowns" or "masqueraders"

It's just everywhere- her subtle devaluation of legitimate criticism. Trying to chalk it all up to the critics being simply dumb, sexist, or malicious in some way. Perhaps some people are mean- true- but to generalize every criticism as evil? That's just her actually playing a victim card. There's no way every single critic, or person who doesn't like her, is evil, bad, or malicious in some way. Okay?

I’m tired of her claiming to be an amazing person and an amazing poet- when she is just not either of those things. She’s not a kind person- it's all over her music in the ways she maliciously hurts people for fun. She’s not an amazing poet either. I have a few college degrees- and one pass through her work, with a serious intention of literary analysis, I discover that her writing is plain, banal, and derivative. 

She wants everyone to compare her to Emily Dickinson, Dylan Thomas, and Shakespeare. So, I’m doing what she wants and taking her work seriously enough to critique it. Except that, in critique, I find out why it’s all poorly written- and why it’s just a bunch of thinly veiled conservative iterations of the same boring message over and over. All she ever says in her music is “poor me” and “I hate” (insert person- Kim K., Kanye, Matty, Joe, Jake, John, Scooter, Scott, Harry, Calvin, the media at large, anyone who critiques her, and men in the music industry as a whole). She has the longest list of enemies I think I’ve ever seen- and the funny thing is that all these people avoid her at all costs. None of these people talk about her- yet she is still singing, writing songs, and getting her fans to post memes about how awful they are years, even decades, later.  

It all gets a bit tiresome? No? Personally, I don’t wish to live a life full of such self-pity and hatred- so why should I listen to it in music form? Ya know?  

In my posts, I am attempting to find the truth. I don’t want to “hate” on anyone or anything- but I am going to seek truth in her work.  

I will be posting more about how she devoids Shakespeare of his social reformist efforts. I’m going to post more about how she twists the meaning of every literary reference she’s ever made. I am not kidding, she has misrepresented, and misinterpreted every single literary reference in her entire discography. It’s astounding how hard Swift tries to sound thoughtful- without actually being thoughtful. I will be posting about how she only ever name-drops to either tear other people down or self-depreciate herself in effort to seek pity. I will be talking more about her use of rhetorical appeals to both attract an audience, keep their attention through risk-reward trade-off, and manipulate them into fighting her battles for her. I will be talking about how she upholds a bunch of harmful stereotypes in her music. She often alludes, or blatantly includes allusion to colonialist attitudes. She’s used the LGBT community for profit without making any real activist efforts. She’s leveraged feminism like a weapon against other women- yet never actually has feminist themes in her music. She’s just so painfully hollow- upon closer inspection.  

I don’t hate her as a person. I think she’s unethical, sure, but that doesn’t mean I hate her, want her to die, or anything extreme at all. I would never wish harm to another human being. In fact, after seeing a lot of the harmful stuff in her music, especially about her kind of fucked up views on relationships, I sincerely hope she gets some professional help and finds some peace in this world. When I critique Taylor Swift it’s about her work and her brand- It's not about her personhood.  

I just think that no one Earth is above reproach, or critique, and we must all be held accountable for our own actions. She’s the one that puts her work out there for people- It's therefore completely appropriate for me to discuss her work. 

Edit: Oh and I want to add- I wish you luck in figuring out what you really think about Taylor Swift. If you ever need to talk or vent more- my inbox is always open. :) With peace and love- bye bye

[zykamiliah]

My fucking confession to that fucking blog I won't waste my time submitting bc really what's even the point of talking to someone who doesn't want to open their minds and understand is that y'all came out of reading and experiencing svsss not having learnt anything.

When written within the bounds of the original genre, this kind of character was extremely difficult to handle. You could say he was scum, but he was also pitiful. But if you tried to acknowledge his pathos, his ruthlessness was real too. Characters that were both scummy and tragic always drew aggro, and they were a hotbed for wank, leading comments sections to devolve into massive flame wars. Better to hack him down into a formulaic asshole and let the protagonist step on him. Easier to write, and the readers would find it satisfying as well. (Chapter 19: Shen Jiu)

this is why writers can't write complex villains, bc you all with your moral purity takes can't handle it. bravo, you've proved mxtx right.

some of you get soooooo twisted trying to defend SJ you flatten his character and make him into a parody of himself.

some of you are so wrapped in the pity contest of "who suffered the most" to determine who has the moral highground that you don't get that you can't pit a character's pain against another character's pain. abuse is abuse is abuse. QJL was abusive for three years, SJ killed him. SJ was abusive for aprox. 5-7 years, Bingge tortured him AND killed him. And killed everyone associated to him. Somewhere down the line, I bet that in real PIDW verse someone will try to take out Bingge for all the suffering he caused. the point is that they BOTH did SHITTY THINGS, they were BOTH abusive because they DIDN'T RECEIVE ANY LOVE IN THEIR LIVES after they were abandoned. both shen jiu and bingge are scummy and tragic. BOTH OF THEM. and because of the abuse and trauma they suffered, they both had awful coping mechanisms that entailed taking out their pain on people who didn't deserve it.

and that's the whole fucking point!!! they're deliciously complex characters. they were born from the fucked-up union between the cycle of abuse and toxic masculinity. they are simultaneously constructions and deconstructions of the Villain Character. they are profoundly human as well, because they showcase the darkness of the human experience, what happens when a person transforms their pain into a weapon to hurt others.

and y'all are arguing over who is innocent? get out.

[seekers-who-are-lovers]

The most beautiful raven

Written for @flashfictionfridayofficial with the prompt #FFF256 Muted colours

Fandom: Yatagarasu: The Raven Does Not Choose Its Master

Characters: Wakamiya/Nazukihiko, Yukiya

Word count: 912

NAZUKIHIKO always hired all the girls in Hanamachi. He had a penchant for the pretty ones, whose faces were so made up one could not discern their true identity underneath the heavy cosmetics hiding their eyes and what lay beneath the skin. How much it would cost him to ask for these courtesans to entertain him didn’t make any difference at all, which boggled the teenager.

He never saw him kiss them. They were next to him laughing, making a jest. At least, he never invited them to his room in front of him. They talked, sang, drank wine, dined, and often there would be dancers among those beautiful women.

He wondered greatly what kind of woman Wakamiya would be interested in ever since Lord Kiei had asked his nephew about the Crown Prince and his preferences for a spouse.

Yukiya could count on his fingers how many trips to Hanamachi, the central pleasure quarter, they made after he insisted that he never liked it. It wasn’t as if he had an aversion for the opposite sex. When Wakamiya left him as a collateral at the Ravine, he didn’t know how many times the men over there told him to indulge with the courtesans on his free time. He knew that he would turn 14 and boys like him were encouraged to make their first experience with the prostitutes as early as possible as the beginning of their rite of passage to adulthood.

His young master was so confusing that the other night he thought of Taruhi and the face of Yukichi on his mind caught him by surprise. Suddenly he was missing his family that he decided to lounge at the terrace and stay there the whole night. It must be that the lunar festival was upon them. His mother sent a letter if he could take a few days off to celebrate at their Taruhi mansion. Of course, that was only a suggestion as his year of serving Wakamiya wasn’t over yet. She wanted to know if she could see him on his 14th birthday.

“Cannot sleep?” A voice so soft he knew to whom it belonged to.

“Your Highness!” Yukiya’s tone went up a step higher.

“Did I startle you, Yukiya?”

“You did and I was prepared to run away.” The boy said jokingly.

He snickered. The Crown Prince with his demure face let out that impish sound Yukiya did not expect in a thousand of years.

“I am thinking of Taruhi. The house is quite a riot during the Lunar Festival where we invite the townspeople to join us for a moon-viewing,” Yukiya reminisced, leaving a faint smile on his face. His mother would hold a tanka poetry reading and then the children would feast on dango and sweet potatoes. One time when the servants decorated the house with pampas grass, Yukichi fell asleep on them that when he woke up his face was swollen. He was allergic to them, the family found out. But Yukiya learned to love them.

( x )

“Here everything is in muted colours,” the teenager continued. “I am still not used to palace intrigues.”

“If you don’t love someone,

Or you don’t

Have a heart.

Also the pathos

Is understand by that.”

Yukiya was mesmerised the first time he heard this tanka, his mother was standing on the makeshift stage, the moon was afire, while the faces were focused on the lady of the house. The voice was loud and clear, commanding yet determined, and her eyes were looking at someone, who was seated in the farthest corner of the veranda. It was his father whose muffled cries were not heard. The Taruhi chief shed tears silently as he listened to his mother say the words.

Heady for the remembrances, he did not hear Wakamiya at first.

“You will also turn 14, quite a feat it I may say.” Nazukihiko watched him looking at the horizon, four hours from now it would be dawn.

“I remember turning 14 and I was somewhere else, running away from this place, my head was on everyone’s chopping block,” the Crown Prince ruminated. “Amusing that it still is. The difference is that I am older, and I came back to take my rightful place in this country.”

Yukiya finally looked at his young master, whose life was tinged of sadness, despair, and betrayal when he only had a few people around him. How could he leave him alone?

“You need me,” Yukiya said matter of factly. Nazukihiko was silent then he walked up to Yukiya a few steps closer. Their kimonos touching each other.

“I do,” Nazukihiko assented. Yukiya knew that his master was a beautiful young man but then he never paid attention to the details. He found himself staring at Nazukihiko’s long eyelashes that overwhelmed him suddenly. Scrunching his eyes, he then bent his head on his arms leaning on the handrail feeling embarrassed.

Better stop whatever this feeling creeping into me.

“Yukiya,” the Prince called his attention. “Why don’t you go to your room and call it a night, hmm?”

The boy nodded and straightened up his back and forced a yawn that threatened to become real as he walked away from his young master.

“Good night, Your Highness, or rather, good morning,” his head made a light bow.

“Yukiya, I’ll see you around lunchtime,” Nazukihiko said.

“Yes…” For one last time before being taken away by dreams, Yukiya looked at his Prince, beautiful and majestic at the same time.

tbc

[moonjunio]

Time to expand on my ElfQuest heart circle post ❤️⭕️

A lot of fans only read the Original Quest (books 1-4) and may not know how deep the relationships between these 5 (count em, five) lovemates truly runs.

Cutter, as the MC, is the glue that binds the whole - or so you might think at first glance (more on that soon). But who is “first” when it comes to Cutter’s heart?

Book 1 revolves around the meeting of two tribes, resulting in the Recognition between Leetah and Cutter - so this pairing might be paramount in your mind.

But the first love shown in the entire saga is actually Redlance and Cutter. This is the moment that showed readers very early on that this story was going to be very different than the usual fantasy fare of the 70s. This warrior is well rounded, and one of his greatest strengths is loving and caring for others.

Redlance’s lifemate is Nightfall (my favorite character, if I’m only allowed one!) I think it was in one of the short stories or novelizations - when Nightfall and Cutter were very young, they were so close that many of the Wolfriders thought they would become lifemates. If Cutter had a first crush, Nightfall would likely count. The trio remains very close right from the start of ElfQuest.

But did I save the best for last? Cutter and Skywise are, for me, the heart of the entire tale. In terms of personality and emotional connection, they are avatars for the creators - Wendy and Richard Pini. No surprise, then, that their love story has (arguably) the most depth and pathos over the 40+ years that it took to write and illustrate ElfQuest.

In one story, Skywise knew Cutter’s soul name from birth - which is normally only revealed psychically to the parents. So, Skywise is also chronologically the first in Cutter’s heart. But they’re too young or simply disinclined to call it what it is at first, so it’s “brothers in all but blood” if they have to put it into words.

Yes this will be a series of posts - next, I focus on one couple or throuple at a time, as they each have their own special relationships.

[mintywolf]

eisfuura, bard and fighter?

(CR Asks)

Eisfuura: Who is your favorite NPC?

Appropriately enough (since this is a bird question) it’s Kiri!! She is one of my top favorite characters in the whole M9 campaign. I really hope we get to find out in C3 what she’s up to these days and I can’t wait to see her in the M9 animated series. (Also I’m glad we’ll get to see her goodbye to Jester animated because I can’t believe they parted ways with her while Laura wasn’t there! I understand why they did it, it would have been too dangerous for her where they were going, but I’m sad that Laura wasn’t there to RP Jester in that moment.)

Bard: What is your favorite “how do you want to do this?”

Ooh okay. I don’t know if it’s my favorite but the one most burned on my mind is Imogen lightning bolting Evil Sun Tree in Darkstone because that was the end of a MERCILESSLY INTENSE fight to determine whether my favorite character of all time was going to be allowed back in the game. And it was SUPER CLOSE, she was barely alive and only survived because she had to spend her last Mote of Possibility (which she was probably saving for Laudna’s resurrection ritual) to make Delilah reroll her last attack on her.

Also there was some really nice symbolism there because she opened the fight with the words “Delilah Briarwood, we’re gonna sunder you.” You know, like lightning does to a tree. And that was what she did in the end, with all the love and fury in her soul.

Fighter: What was your favorite funny moment?

Oh no there are too many individual moments to choose so this is more like “funniest running gag” even though most of the scenes involved with it are actually traumatic but is endlessly hilarious to me though how much of a ruckus Bells Hells cause whenever they go to Whitestone. Especially from Percy’s point of view. They barge into his office at 7am with a dead body demanding he bring it back to life, unwrap it to reveal what at first appears to be the corpse of his wife before he realizes that no it’s actually it’s the anonymous girl whose murder has been haunting her for 30 years why do they even have this?? also HOW is she somehow inhabited by the spirit of his worst nemesis? Against his protests they bring her back to life (?? this part is debatable) and she in turn immediately resurrects a dead rat which she insists is a long-lost relative of his, and then makes him hug a tree. They refuse his offers of hospitality but steal a bunch of linens from the castle and sleep outside in the main square. They leave. They come back and inform him they need to go to the moon. They break into a room in the castle that he has specifically sealed off and invoke the spirit of his worst nemesis IN HIS HOUSE. They destroy an armoire to make a sled and break all the castle windows with rocks. Before they leave for the moon one of them turns himself into a living bomb and detonates right underneath the thing that is the living heart of his city. Also, they picked a fight with a blameless crepe vendor in the street.

BH, why are you like this. (Don't ever change.)

Also something about the contrast between how Laudna is perceived by the de Rolos when she's dead -- she's this object of pathos, a symbol of the guilt and trauma of a horrible thing that happened 30 years ago that they feel both responsible for and a victim of, and can never fully atone for -- and when she's revived like oh she's not just a dead doll that looks like Vex there's a whole personality there and it's bonkers and delightful and she has a pet dead rat and friends who love her so much they crossed continents to bring her back to life -- is so good. (Not necessarily funny just really good.)

[flame-cat]

some facts about Kim Kitsuragi

- one cigarette a day. there's no individual on this earth who would keep to a ritual like that that takes so much self control except the type of person who will do everything by their internal schedule until the day they die. (source: i drink one decaf coffee every morning. i have heart issues- even decaf is probably more than i should have. so I limit myself to just one, in the morning, even if its not very good, because it's part of my routine)

- the driving gloves. bad textures begone (source: i wear gloves a lot too for this very reason)

- the jacket (source: not one autistic person alive doesn't have an article of clothing or accessory they wear every single day because its comforting to have that stability and choosing new outfits is stress you don't need every day)

- the way he deals with emotions. its mostly compartmentalization, with very little outward expression, and even if he's sympathetic its generally in a distant and factual way that doesn't rely on pathos (source: autistic people often have difficulty even telling what emotions they're having at any given time, so telling how someone else is feeling is even harder. usually we default to a benefit of the doubt, and pinpoint factual information as comfort)

- the notebook (source: autism often manifests as a one-track mind. its difficult to remember small details of events, or events at all, if we're thinking about something else at the time. the notebook serves as both a grounding tool to help him focus on the task at hand and a way to reference details he normally wouldn't recollect, as well as helping with his aphantasia)

- "let's focus on the case, detective." (source: again, autistic people tend to have a one track mind. I often find myself "conversation stacking," which is when you remember old topics of conversation and bring them back around in order to finish discussing them. autistic people do this because our thoughts can be easily overwhelmed by wildly shifting circumstances, so we try to maintain that focus. kim is always focused in the case because if he thinks about something else (and switching focus is hard) he knows it'll be hard to get himself back on track. hence also why you can lead him on these wild tangents- once he's in, he's in, and he will see it to the end until you can circle back, because nothing is more irritating to an autistic person than leaving something unfinished. I often drink too much because I hate leaving my glass still partway full)

- special interest in MCs (source: look at this torque dork and tell me that isn't a special interest)

- the Kimball Incident (source: you know he hyperfocused on that one case for a whole 9 months. there's no way anyone but an autistic person could manage to focus and train so hard on a single new skill for an undercover mission. he hates it now also because sometimes when you hyperfocus you end up burnt out on the interest when it finally fades. I hate looking at old fandom stuff cause I immersed myself so hard in it for months at a time)

- Harry. him and Kim are adhd/autism solidarity (source: nothing gets me out of my comfort zone like an adhd person. I love being around them because I can let them lead me around without having to focus too hard on all the stuff they're able to focus on at once. also, every adhd/autism relationship has that subtle push/pull of one person getting side tracked and the other letting them go on the tangent but then circling back around. its kind of magic)

- look at the way he stands. look at his stance (source: I also stand like that)

now with this evidence before the jury i present a theory- that kims decision to transfer to the 41st was actually the most insane declaration of love he could've possibly done. he is willing to uproot his entire years-long comfort and stability because one guy showed him something different. we don't do this lightly. if an autistic person changes their schedule for you in any capacity, they're basically proposing to you. mans got it down BAD

[aquaquadrant]

just finished reading part 7 and the patho/dbubs ficlet and. i know it's not the main point of part 7, but when patho was talking about how the hels players are basically the worst parts of their overworld counterparts, i couldn't help but think about timmy, and how he's arguably the kindest and most genuine hels player (that we know of). in my mind he's very much the type of person to keep helping others when it doesn't help him, or even when it hurts him sometimes, because he's Like That /pos.

also, i'm absolutely obsessed with patho and dbubs and their dynamic. not sure if this is something planned for a future chapter or whatever, but i know i definitely want to know more about both of their backstories! especially dbubs and the jungle, and how all of that came to be/how it works.

a question if you're willing to answer: how do updates to the game work, when new blocks/biomes are added? does hels receive the update at the same time, or will bravo have missed out on 10 years' worth of updates?

thank you for listening to my rambling lmao, and thank you for the au in general! it's an amazing read and i can't wait for more :D hope your morning/day/night is going well!

exactly. another reason bravo and atlas’s thinking is flawed is that the ‘worst’ trait of every player is so subjective. for timmy, it wasn’t cruelty or viciousness or anything of the sort, it was jimmy’s ‘wet cat’ pathetic-ness.

i’m glad u liked the lil pathbubs oneshot hehe but unfortunately they aren’t really gonna feature in ‘from eden.’ patho’s role in the main story is done. howEVER that doesn’t mean i won’t once again be possessed by the ethogirl spirit and decide to write more drabbles of them in the future. they compel me.

and as for ur question about updates. long answer: this older ask. short answer: *waves hand vaguely* it’s not something my dumbass considered when initially worldbuilding so at this point i’m just uhhh kinda ignoring it LOL behold, the consequences of my actions,

thank u for the kind words <3 take care, have a good day.

[leghost]

might be a silly question but did you ever end up doing that patho merch you drew about a year ago? or consider opening preorders for it?

sadly, i didnt end up doing it because im broke most of the time. and im not that big of an artist to get enough preorders... when i did those designs i was inspired to become good enough to be accepted as an artist for art markets in my area. but that never happened and i gave up.

also i live in russia so im currently partialy isolated from the rest of the world so sending out anything is hard *explodes*

if you like any of the designs you can dm me and ill give you the file. as long as its for personal use i dont mind :,,,3 💜🤙

[shmowder]

Hiya! Back for round two of sharing my patho characters as i actually changed my mind I do feel comfortable sharing one of my patho self inserts (My self inserts aren’t one to one projections of me for the most part just bits and pieces!!)

This one’s Name is Falin dankovsky, Falin is only a year younger then our dear bachelor and is our very own bachelors lovely spouse their relationship is very stable and loving even if both are very work focused they will always find some time for the other even if it’s something as minor as just sitting in silence, and in the later days of the game their relationship is the only thing keeping the other stable as the common thought is “I need to keep him alive…I will die for him if needed” they absolutely fight over petty things though they love eachother but will argue over things that seems utterly nonsensical to anyone who isn’t them.

Falin is a psychologist! And one of the healers, who really wants to help everyone he comes across he hasn’t become jaded with his job if anything he is far too empathetic towards people often leading him to be pulled into rabbit holes in order to help the sick. He does however often act before thinking and has difficulties asking for help meaning issues that could easily be solved linger for days since he can’t properly advocate for himself. But he is a good listener and offers advice/ solutions to others when he can even if it causes him issues later on, he unfortunately kinda has a martyr mentality where someone must be willing to sacrifice themself to help others and it has to be him nobody else is allowed. 

Falin’s reason for being involved in the main plot is he got a letter asking him to get a man with the last name Stamatin declared mentally sound so he may be executed for a murder which he’s like I can look into it sure but I’d prefer if we got him institutionalized and maybe not murdered for his crime?, Falin leaves for the town a day after Daniil leaves meaning the bachelor has no clue the other is in the town at all until the morning of the second day.

Once falin gets off the train someone attempts to murder him however only succeeds in giving the psychologist a minor concussion, Falin ends up waking up in a grave meeting Clara who claims that she’s his younger sister she tells him ‘we are both born from the same grave’ Falin is like yeah sure why not? I believe this weird child in this graveyard…why shouldn’t I? And then she drops on him “oh you can do miracles too btw” then immediately peace’s out and falin’s like….huh? What the hell does she mean? But falin learns quickly that his blood can reverse death! So the issue is he can’t cure the plague in someone until after they’ve passed and even then that runs the risk of bringing them back completely wrong! But another issue is the question of is that what the dead what have wanted?

Then here’s some Other important character notes: Falin is a trans man which causes him to be slightly paranoid around others due to the fear of people finding out this and turning on him so he is constantly keeping a balance act of hoping nobody notices why he doesn’t have facial hair, why his chest seems rounded and why his voice is so high. he also is borderline so that doesn’t make his fear of others turning on him any the better as Falin is constantly convinced everyone will leave either due to his status as a trans man or because they secretly hate him without knowing that….please get him onto some meds he needs them badly…he’s just having an awful time all around. The only other characters he actively is friendly towards is Daniil, Clara, anna and Eva. with Clara their dynamic is very much so two siblings constantly fighting over literally everything with where their only argument to the other is to the lines of “well I’m older!” And “Well I’m moms favorite so I get to cure the plague” I also want the meta reason for them being siblings being that their dolls were marketed as siblings kinda like Barbie and her sisters or something similar? If that makes sense?

He’s either neutral to everyone else or they are actively hostile towards him, The kains and the Stamatins are ones who are most hostile towards him for obvious reasoning however after Falin’s ability is exposed the kains want him to bring back Simon and aren’t above using the only family Falin has as leverage to get that goal. He actively believes the mistresses as well as why wouldn’t he? Both he and his sister make similar claims so why shouldn’t he believe them as well?. The house he places the most respect into would be the Saburovs for fairly obvious reasoning but he’s very snippy with Alexander at times since falin doesn’t do well with male authority figures at all (it’s the daddy issues!)

During day 5 to day 10 he gets his period leading his exhaustion meter to deplete further his dialogue with others get more snappy and the hunger meter drops quicker, he also has less blood to spare on those days so you can’t bring back any dead bounds and once those bounds are dead for longer then two days they are completely gone meaning Falin can either bleed himself utterly dry or can risk failing others, oh and if he bleeds himself too much he passes out and gets a lecture from Daniil when he comes too. Not overly sure on what his ending would be but it’d probably be him siding with either Daniil or Clara’s way of going about things and aiding their ending.

Oh one bonus thing for fun! Falin and franziska would met a couple times and Falin thanks her for being kind to Clara and gives her some ammo and an egg as a small thanks for being nice to his younger sister but overall they really aren’t overly chill with eachother on account of dankovsky and Franz praying the other dies every single night before bed.

-immune anon back again! Submitting another one of my own character sillies! I do apologize for how long this is lol once I get rambling I can’t stop rambling!! :P

Welcome back! And with another amazing OC, banger after banger I swear.

It's very sweet that their relationship is stable with the Bachelor; Daniil isn't the easiest person to get along with, let alone share a life with. He still deserves love like anyone else, both of them constantly putting in the effort to ensure each other's comfort and needs are met is the epitome of love.

And only one year younger! Does that mean they met in university 👀 or high school sweethearts? I love relationships that are built on friendships.

Fighting over petty things is just Daniil's love language dw, he is just built like that. Happy to see Falin give him a taste of his own medicine too.

God, it's genius how you weaved him into the story! Alexander just sent a letter to the first psychologist he got recommended because he's still not over how Peter weaselled his way out of punishment.

The both of them having no idea they're going to the same place. Daniil is on one of his work trips to meet a supposed immortal man after an old colleague, Isidor Burakh, sent him an invitation offering arrangements.

While Falin received a letter asking for a psychological evaluation of a man whose last name sounds really similar to that famous architect who built the Capital bridge.

THE CLARA SUBPLOT I CAN'T

IT'S SO FITTING OF HER

-

Falin: So how are we siblings?

Clara: Wouldn't you like to know, miracle boy.

-

I absolutely adore the meta reason of them being siblings! They come in packs! Do not separate!!! oh, my heart, that's so precious. Even tho they just met, they feel this connection as if they've known each other from a long time ago.

Maybe the toy set was marketed as the "Miracle siblings!" or something. The two sandcastle kids took it literally but then had a fight and separated Falin and Clara.

The "I'm mom's favourite" line took me out.

Finally, some bpd rep. God I relate to him so much, that paranoia really never goes away and it blends itself so well with your own thoughts that it's hard to separate the shadows from the truth.

Bpd is also a personality disorder, rather than a chemical imbalance in the brain like depression. Meds can't "cure" it, only lessen the symptoms. It's a learned pattern of behaviour that one must unlearn.

Why do I feel Alexander would be lowkey touched by someone being snippy with him in a daddy issues way? Sure, he will never show it, but at least he got to experience the equivalent of being a dad dealing with a moody teenager for like a couple minutes. He would never tolerate any disrespect towards his wife, however. Falin is welcome to blame and curse him out as long as Katerina's name stays off his tongue.

There is a symbolic parallel between him bleeding himself out to bring people back to life, equating his blood to the worth of gold, then being hit with his period, preventing him from using his miracles for a while.

It's having a choice that's the moral. One was him giving his blood out of his own agency, taking it out of his own body and using it for good.

The other was blood forcibly being taken out from him in the form of a period. Suddenly that blood is draining him and exhausting, removing all his agency as he has no choice but to endure it. It especially hurts more with how much he is worried about others figuring out he is trans.

The one thing special and extremely helpful is being twisted and weaponise against him, threatening to expose his identity while stealing away his magic.

I'm glad to see Falin and Franziska are friends! or at least know each other. I love when OCs are connected and have intertwined stories.

[thecurioustale]

(Re)introducing the Author

I have two main series: a fantasy series called The Curious Tale and a sci-fi series called Galaxy Federal.

For those who are newer here, or wouldn't mind a refresher, here's a little about me and the kind of stories I write:

My name is Josh, pronouns they/he. (I am agender but I don't get upset if you gender me masculine; I do it myself sometimes out of force of habit.) I am 41 years old and live in Washington State not far from Seattle, in the beautiful but troubled United States. I am left-handed, hence my proudest epithet, The Sinistral, and I have been a writer for basically my entire life—even as a kid!

I published my first and so far only novel in 2015, Prelude to After The Hero, which you can currently buy as an e-book or read for free in HTML. Additionally, I have published countless worldbuilding articles and meta-discussions of my fiction over the years (see my previous post about Curious Tale Saturdays), and countless nonfiction essays and personal musings on my personal journal, which in more recent years I have updated much less frequently (but am still active on).

As an author I mostly write stories about "power" and "beauty." I'll have more to say about my specific stories over the next couple days when I do corresponding (re)introduction posts for The Curious Tale and Galaxy Federal, but the bottom line is that I am very interested in human potential, both at the individual and collective levels, and in the beauty of being alive and experiencing "the world," i.e. our material reality and our own headspaces within it. Other topics that interest me and frequently show up in my writing include justice, creation (both the acts and products of creating), civilization, Illumination (what many would call wisdom or "enlightenment"), ambition and desire, animism, and the poignance of the fleeting nature of all things.

I am fascinated by liminality and subliminality; boundaries; vast indoor spaces; megastructures; mysteriousness; "the magical"; surrealism; absurdism; nostalgia; pathos; journeys that do not involve backtracking; and other such things as generally might describe a vast world with hazy horizons lit in twilight. I also strive in my writing (less successfully, I fear) to convey a sense of mystery and wonder.

At the same time, I am also fascinated by human emotionality and subjective experience; personal relationships; the human condition and the human psyche; and narrative life arcs. Some who know me through my nonfiction or by talking to me in person have been surprised to see how passionate and emotional my fiction is.

My writing style tends to be long-winded and self-indulgent; deliberate and precise; esoteric and bespoke. I usually set a slow pace, and seldom indeed will I resort to cheap action or thrills. Most of my fiction is either long-form play-by-play scenes in high resolution, or Tolkienian epic narration far removed from the ground level.

With certain exceptions for key locations, I usually don't reuse a given location in a story; the locations are usually new from scene to scene, and thus there is a lot of environmental description throughout the whole length of my works and not just at the beginning. This creates a certain quality, where everything is always new, that I find engrossing.

In terms of the three most popular conventions, political intrigue, violence, and sex and romance: My writing mostly rejects the treacherous political intrigue genre conventions that are so prevalent in sci-fi and fantasy today, even though "politics" is definitely an integral part of my writing (and I am not shy about sharing my opinions, though I try to do so through specific characters rather than on narratorial authority). When it comes to violence, there is a lot of death and killing and suffering in my work, but I am not a big fan of writing extremely graphic violence and torture, mainly because I don't have the heart to dwell on it in great detail most of the time. (It's very draining for me.) And on the sex side of things, I eschew tacked-on romantic subplots and in general I would say that there's too much damned snogging in our contemporary storytelling, but I definitely do explore and depict matters of love and sex in my work in my own way—though not at a very high frequency, and, I would like to hope, never gratuitously. (Unless the gratuitousness is a tongue-in-cheek joke that we're all in on—which can be said of many other aspects of my writing as well.) I never write explicit, graphic sex scenes, although I do sometimes write sex scenes.

Which reminds me: My stories tend to have a lot of "competency porn" in them; my characters are usually intelligent, thoughtful, and logical. Ignorance and luck are not big plot story drivers for me, generally.

My favored characters tend to be some combination of fat, left-handed, and female; and, of them, my central protagonists additionally tend to be extremely powerful, demigodlike individuals who are able to operate within their respective domains virtually without limitation. In critical respects my characters are only vaguely-defined; I usually avoid character archetype trope reinforcement, so my characters are ideally as internally diverse as real-world humans are...which means you can't actually know them right away. And that opens the door for you to project your own personality ideas onto them. Which...I suppose is a feature?

I have a cinematic mind, and I think my stories are best appreciated with a strong visual imagination. I try not to smother readers with too many unnecessary details, though I confess I am only partially successful at this and often find myself hanging on every word of my lengthy environmental descriptions. I think some of my most satisfied readers are those who enjoy digesting these elaborate visuals as a reward unto itself.

I am a big believer in the idea that obvious story setups should have payoffs, that narrative arcs should eventually be resolved, and that plots and subplots should be be highly interconnected. I am chiefly theme-driven in my writing, as opposed to character-driven or plot-driven, and oftentimes the central purpose of a given scene will be to express one particular idea (or more than one)—either a conceptual idea, or a specific moment in the story. If you read the Prelude and remember Silence's introduction, I wrote that entire scene just to be able to describe the image of Silence in silhouette standing against the evening sky, and her powerful, predator-like movement as she turns around.

Add it all up, and my stories are definitely out of the norm for today's fashions and quite possibly for any fashion in history. They are slow and heavy and long. Their vastness belies their thrilling internal intricacies and shapes. The characters are highly realistic. The plots tend to feel emergent and organic. Or at least I think so. I am very much "writing the stories I want to see."

My stories tend to be incredibly long. Like...just know that going in. There are many sources for "tight," "fast" writing in the world. I am not one of them.

Oh, one more thing: There are various types of representation that are important to me and which I don't see the current state of sci-fi and fantasy storytelling doing a good job of delivering, so I explicitly lean into that, on top of my natural proclivity to write these kinds of characters anyway. So, if you're ever reading a scene and you find that the demographics of the people in it are noticeably unusual for contemporary American fiction, that's why.

More about me as a person: When not writing, I am a fan of sunsets, sunrises, and twilight; clouds and water; saying "Merciful McGillicuddy!" a lot while sighing loudly; solving Wordle; trying mostly in vain to gain weight; and being a curious information sponge.

[babybluebanshee]

Movies I Watched in 2023, Worst to Best

I watched 60 movies this year. Imma tell you about them. Also spoilers throughout, obviously.

60. Cats (2019): Genuinely the worst thing I’ve ever seen, and I paid to see Meet the Spartans in theaters. Very glad I drank heavily before viewing this. Can’t tell if it was worse because I’m a fan of the musical or not. I saw this movie and everything is worse now.

59. The Taking of Deborah Logan: Actually a really sound premise that goes off the rails and not in a good way. The lady who plays Deborah deserves an Oscar. Nothing worse to me than wasted potential, and this took a legit unnerving premise and made it a standard demon plot and I’m so very tired of that. Sorry @vaultsy

58. Red String and Blood Tea: This all means something, I just know it, but damned if I know what it is. I can’t really say anything that bad about it because stop motion is an intense labor of love and this clearly took a lot of time and effort, but it just didn’t leave much more of an impression on me.

57. Freddy vs. Jason: I wanted to like this movie really bad, and there were times when I did. But the 2000s stink was positively radiating off it - the slowed down footage, the nu metal blaring everywhere, the shitty costuming, it’s everywhere. Save yourself some time and just watch one of those YouTube videos where someone scrubs the whole movie for just Freddy and Jason’s bits.

56. Ladybug and Cat Noir: The Movie: Look, my girlfriend loves Miraculous. I couldn’t care less about it, but she really wanted me to see this movie and I love her very much. At least it’s very beautiful to look at and it did what it took the tv series a billion years to do.

55. Scrooge: A Christmas Carol: I’m gonna level with you - I watched this because gilf Scrooge intrigued me. Now that we have that out of the way, I can say aside from that, there’s nothing in this movie to really set it apart. A few arbitrary changes and making Scrooge more of an intentional asshole doesn’t set it apart from the millions of other adaptations of this story.

54. From Dusk Till Dawn: The line that separates the Tarantino aspects of this movie from the Rodriguez aspects of it is about as subtle as a brick to the head, but it’s there, and honestly? I wish we would have focused more on the Rodriguez parts. Call me a plebeian, but I never have been fond of Tarantino’s style, nor am I particularly interested in his barely concealed foot fetish. Remake this as two separate movies and I’ll watch the one with the rad ass vampires.

53. Beauty and the Beast (1946): Is this a horror movie? I think this was supposed to be a horror movie. I can’t really fathom how this is supposed to be romantic when there’s creepy living statues, human arm candelabras, and the Beast stealing his romantic rival’s face when he transforms into a human man.

52. Gaslight: Can be genuinely gripping in places, but also kind of boring in a plodding way. The acting is pretty great though - Charles Boyer is an amazingly effective villain and I wanted to give poor Ingrid Bergman a hug.

51. The Bob's Burgers Movie: Kevin Kline and Zach Galifinakis need chiropractors from carrying this movie on their backs. Like, it’s fine if you’re a big fan of Bob’s Burgers (and I was on a BB jag at the time), the songs are fun, and the animation is gorgeously bouncy, but it suffers from the same thing that most movies based on tv shows do - it just feels like a longer episode of the show.

50. The Addams Family: A classic for a reason, though maybe with a bit less pathos than I was anticipating. Still fun, just not as fun as the movie that would come after it.

49. Suspiria: Pretty to look at and goddamn that soundtrack. Not a favorite, but it’s such a cerebral experience that you almost don’t mind all that much.

48. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Kind of suffers from the same problems as Suspiria, with the leg-up of having an absolute banger of a third act. Also Franklin is the worst. Most of the problems in this movie could have been avoided if Franklin wasn’t around. The other ones could be solved by not trespassing on private property.

47. Paprika: Also a very cerebral film, and just as fun to look at. It’s slightly too charming to ever really be boring, but it’s still just kinda meh.

46. They Live: Fun alien designs and a neat idea. Has too many dead Keith Davids to get any higher on the list.

45. Wes Craven's New Nightmare: A fun spin on a dying franchise. I will never stop laughing at Freddy’s stupid trenchcoat and emo boots tho.

44. Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Warriors: More horror adventure than straight horror, but still fun and inventive. Probably has some of the most creative kills in the whole franchise (Freddy leading someone around by their exposed tendons, hello). My only complaint is that the absolute bitch doctor didn't get eviscerated.

43. But I'm a Cheerleader: The gays can have a silly high school rom com. As a treat. I also appreciate the movie adding in that the bible-thumping heteros tend to sexualize kids more than any queer person on this planet.

42. Psycho Goreman: I would like to congratulate PG on his coming out. Mimi was almost too annoying to be tolerable, but this is still a really fun movie with cool creatures and a lot of great humor.

41. Howard: Hi, catch me crying in the last fifteen minutes of this movie. Howard Ashman was an amazing talent and I’m forever depressed that we lost him far, far too early.

40. Little Shop of Horrors: Yeah, this is the first time I’ve ever seen the movie version of this. Gimme a break, I like the musical ending better. That being said, this movie is great camp fun and I love how much love and care was put into it. Also that Audrey II puppet will never fail to impress me.

39. Elvira, Mistress of the Dark: I would like to personally thank Cassandra Peterson for making this stupid, sexy, campy romp that made my life infinitely better.

38: Weird: The Al Yankovic Story: RIP Weird Al Yankovic, wish you could have seen the fabulous movie they made about you before you were gunned down by the cartels.

37. Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves: Another movie I saw at my girlfriend’s request, but I also would have wanted to see it for those motherfuckin creature effects. Jarnathan is my husband and I love him dearly.

36. The Super Mario Bros. Movie: Chris Pratt wasn’t in this movie, what are you talking about? It was just Jack Black and Charlie Day having a good time and being extra adorable. That’s all there was. There is no Crisp Rat in my wonderful Mario movie.

35. Black Swan: I’ve heard this described as “live action Perfect Blue” and…yeah. Also I could write entire essays about how Nina’s mother may or may not exist, but we’re not getting into that today.

34. The Wolf House: On a purely technical level, this is a fucking masterpiece. It’s all stop motion (which as previously mentioned is not for the faint of heart), with creative camera work that makes it look like one, long, continuous shot. Add to that the stunningly creepy atmosphere and the framing device of this being a recruiting tool for a cult, and it’s a beautiful nightmare.

33. How to Survive a Plague: Another one that made me weep like an infant. I prefer the book, but this is still a gorgeous tribute to everyone we lost and how far we’ve come.

32. The Girl With All the Gifts: A fun take on the zombie mythos. Also, I for one welcome our new Hungry overlords.

31. Basket Case: Was initially very dubious about the supposed pathos of this film, only to be pleasantly surprised by how true that is. Yes, this movie is schlocky and sleazy (could have lived a long, happy life without ever seeing the Basket Case puppet hump a corpse), but it’s still a great little B-movie.

30. Belle: I’m always a slut for a Beauty and the Beast story, and this one is just hella gorgeous. I would have preferred an extra scene of Justin getting his ass obliterated, but what we did get was wonderful.

29. Nerdy Prudes Must Die: Not my favorite Hatchetfield musical (Black Friday my beloved), but Starkid never put out anything bad. Always a pleasure to see what the Lords in Black are up to.

28. The Sea Beast: I need Grandpa Crow yesterday. Other than that, this was a fun little adventure film that gave me my dose of found family juice. And also it made me realize that there aren’t a lot of straightforward pirate movies anymore? Like, POTC really burned everyone out on those for a while, huh?

27. King Kong (2005): I’ve heard this movie called bloated and boring, but I actually think I love it? Like…maybe it’s just because I’m a monster fucker, but the companionship between Ann and Kong is so beautiful and sad and I nearly burst into tears while she was trying to comfort his as he died. Just let the goddamn gorilla ice skate, you monsters!

26. The Celluloid Closet: Had the opposite of How to Survive a Plague happen - I read the book and wasn’t nearly as moved as I was watching the people actually involved in making these films or other queer icons talking about them. Maybe it was the lack of academic language that made it so much more effective, but while the book is still great for film scholars, the movie is a must-watch for literally everyone.

25. Nimona: We need more feral female characters in general. Also I would never in all my life believe Ballister was a bad guy, simply because he has the most innocent, watery eyes I’ve ever seen that weren’t attached to a small, damp mammal.

24. Citizen Kane: Yes, it took me this long to actually watch this movie for the first time. I was dubious at first, because I’ve seen so many movies that claim to be the best thing you’ve ever seen in your life, and then fall gloriously short of your expectations. This, however, did not do that. I can see why this is a classic. And now you can all be aghast at all the movies that I liked better!

23. Sing 2: Help, I’m crying over Bono the lion dilf! Also this movie is fun and beautiful to look at and the music is amazing. I’m also a proponent of the Shitty Crime Uncle Jimmy Crystal Domestication idea.

22. The People Under the Stairs: More movies should be about the power of community action and solidarity in the face of exploitative gentrification and also blowing up your landlord’s booby-trapped torture dungeon and freeing their kidnapped cannibalistic troll children into the wild.

21. Sense and Sensibility: I’ve never cared that much about Sense and Sensibility as a book - it was strictly middle tier. This movie has changed that. I actually like Edward now, because Hugh Grant just plays him like the autistic king he was always meant to be.

20. Shiny Happy People: No, I do not care that this was a miniseries, it's too good not to include. Watching this show will make you want to deck every evangelical asshat that crosses your path and also terrified of the amount of influence they have in the USA.

19. Black Christmas: Where Chainsaw was kinda boring with a great climax, Black Christmas hits the ground running and doesn't really stop. It's scary, tense, and cinematically gorgeous.

18. Mannequinn: Yes, I liked this movie better than Citizen Kane. No one should listen to my opinion about anything. But it doesn't matter because it's dumb, campy fun and I want Hollywood Montrose to be my auntie.

17. Wishmaster: Absolute ham-to-ham combat between Andrew Divoff, Robert Englund, Tony Todd, Tom Savini. Some amazing practical effects. I wanna kiss the djinn right on the mouth. Only complaint is that I wish the sex pest friend who kept pestering Sam for a date would have stayed dead.

16. From Beyond: This movie had three of my favorite things in the world - moistened puppets, my mommy Barbara Crampton dressing up in a sexy outfit (thank you, Ms. Crampton *blows kiss*), and Jeffrey Combs being a sad, wet kitten man.

15. Renfield: I like that we're making movies about scary vampires again. It's nice. Also Nic Cage is quickly going the way of Daniel Craig and Robert Pattinson - they need to be cast as weird little guys for enrichment purposes.

14. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem: Animation? Charming and daring. Characters? I'm adopted all of them, and loving that all the turtles are actually voiced by children. Superfly? Got me feeling a way. Shredder being teased at the end? Where'd my panties go? Also this movie got me to sixty, so everyone say thank you to Shae for nice, round numbers.

13. Paris Is Burning: It's a classic of LGBT film, if you haven't watched it just to get a taste of the glorious world of drag ball culture, you need to. Stop what you're doing and watch Paris Is Burning. Now. This is a not a request. I will report you.

12. It's a Wonderful Life: I've never seen this show all the way through, so I fixed that this year, and goddamn I always forget how much I like Jimmy Stewart until I see him in another good movie. This movie also got him investigated by the House Un-American Activities Committee for communist sentiments, so all my little anarchists should watch it.

11. Return of the Living Dead: I'd like everyone to meet my husband, Tar Man. He's gonna eat your brains, you'll love it.

10. Re-Animator: I'll never get tired of watching Herbert West being a sassy little cunt to everyone around him, including his co-dependent boyfriend whom he should kiss directly on the mouth. My only complaint is the...um...scene with Dr. Hill's head and Meg. That's all I'm gonna say about it. Because it makes me extremely uncomfy and I can't even enjoy Barbara Crampton's tits because of it.

9. Bride of Re-Animator: Herbert and Dan should have just taken their beautiful daughter to live out the rest of their happy lives at the seaside. Also the effects are fucking amazing. That'll happen when your special effects guys is credited as "Screamin' Mad George".

8. Transformers: Rise of the Beasts: Catch me shrieking like a possessed baboon throughout this entire movie. Everything about it made me happy, from Bumblebee being a bamf to Ron Perlman as Optimus Primal to literally everything about Peter Cullen's Optimus. I will never be over him having enough of Scourge's shit and ripping out his spine.

7. Puss in Boots: The Last Wish: Can't talk. Too blown away by the fact Dreamworks put out one of the most visually stunning and vibrant animated films they have in decades. They are back babey.

6. Glass Onion: I cannot wait to see what else we get from Benoit Blanc. He's the blorbo from my shows and I adore him. Also you know he called up Marta after he got home and was like "hey, there's this friend of mine I want you to meet, I think you guys will get along swimmingly" while fully intending to play matchmaker.

5. Everything Everywhere All At Once: "Nothing matters so being kind and compassionate is even more important" is genuinely such a beautiful thing for a film to say, and I'm glad I finally got a chance to see it in a movie where people fight with dildos and Jamie Lee Curtis' outfit was based on a stock photo.

4. Nope: Jordan Peele owns my soul at this point.

3. To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything! Julie Newmar: I expected Priscilla but American, and was given a really heartfelt, sweet movie and I legit forgot several times that Patrick Swayze, Wesley Snipes, and John Leguizamo were cis men.

2. Barbie: I recommend Barbie to literally everyone who asks me about it. It's my religion now. Everything about it is delightful and

1. Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse: This movie is utter perfection. I would marry it if I could.

[hartshorn-and-isinglass]

Vampires But Different This Time, No Really.

So the funny post about projected literary trends for 2024 and the whole "we're gonna do vampires a whole different way this time, I swear" has been rotating in the back of my mind for a while now. I'd like some more variety besides the usual "came back sexy" or "came back monstrous, but stacked" stuff. There's a certain frailty to the flagship Victorian novel vampires, even Dracula himself: he hunts the most vulnerable, sneaks around to attack them, and is frightened away easily the moment anyone shows an interest in protecting his chosen victim. Really not the overpowered demon he ends up being in cinema. And the real-life vampire panics of the early-mid modern age were very much about vampires as agents of disease: ill patients died and then came back because according to folklore that's just a thing that happens sometimes.

So yeah, I guess I'm proposing a model of vampirism cause that's a normal thing to do on a weekend night, right? I'm probably going to be using this for my projects later but absolutely feel free to borrow and iterate on if you want.

First off, while this vampirism is an affliction, ixnay nixnay on the vampirism having a biology-based disease process that you can study in the lab. Sorry, fam. You just piss off biologists when you try to come up with a microbe-based reason for the dead coming back. If this is taking place in a modern setting, the scientists get to be just as clueless and freaked out as people would have been back in the days before modern medicine.

Second, let them have weaknesses to balance out the gained supernatural powers but with a disease-like quality to them. Sharpened senses of perception like extending vision in the near-infrared, more acute hearing, and the ability to detect pheromones and track a scent also mean disliking bright lights, loud noises, and strong smells. Garlic? Depends on how much you liked garlic as a mortal, but you're going to like it a lot less than you did before. Sunlight won't turn you into a crispy critter but it will give you a blinding headache and a blistering rash. I'm also fond of the "has to sleep in native dirt" thing; it's the kind of limitation that will always be in the back of a vampire's mind, so that has chronic-illness vibes. I also like the general Castlevania idea that right-angle crosses will fuck with your vision but more as a trigger for migraine-like visual auras, with crosses made of reflective material or in high contrast against a backdrop being the most effective.

I wanna load vampires up with some additional debuffs so you can really crank up the pathos. Stoker's Dracula has some clear parallels with demonic possession, in that Dracula chooses a single victim to corrupt and torment until they die. Each year during Dracula Daily season people wonder "why is Dracula being so inefficient in his hunting patterns?" and I wanna be like, "what if this is the most efficient hunting pattern? What are we missing?". What I think we're missing: Stoker's Dracula is not only draining the blood but also the souls of his victims, culminating in their death. I'm proposing that the corruption/consumption of the soul is just as vital as the blood itself in nourishing a vampire, so if you take blood from a consenting victim and let them live you're not getting the soul-stuff.

A vampire thus malnourished doesn't get the full benefits of immortality--let's say it keeps you going but doesn't fully restore you to that "came back sexy" ideal--any vampire who stays invulnerable and eternally youthful had to hurt and kill for it. If you decide to be a more ethical vampire, your body will age, albeit somewhat slower than humans, you will not be as powerful, and also sometimes your body just won't work right because it isn't getting everything it needs from your diet. If you decide you're gonna try and feed on animals to avoid the human cruelty the upshot is that you're now incorporating animal blood and soul-stuff into your system and you may start to take on the traits and limitations of those animals, losing your humanity in the process. Drink from too many herbivores and you may find you've extinguished your own drive to feed and are now going to starve to death, confused and frightened as a prey animal--or at least that's the lore that goes around vampire circles. Maybe it's true, maybe not.

In this light, siring another vampire to share this unfortunate fate is kind of a shitty thing to do, and so of course the most prolific sires tend to be assholes with zero scruples. Eventually a childe will be absolutely done with their sire's shit and leave, or if the relationship was especially bad, they'll kill them. This sort of toxic start to unlife leads vampires to be wary of their own kind by default. Often the vampires who strive to be more ethical will just give up on associating with other vampires entirely.

So yeah, that's what I've got so far. I want to flesh out more about the process of turning into a vampire and some more abilities and disabilities that come with the package, but I'm gonna stop here and get some sleep.

[embossross]

caught up on tr s2 and have some thoughts on the good, the bad, and the ugly. spoilers for both anime & manga...

the good

this is definitely my favorite arc in the story, and it's fascinating to watch with the knowledge of where the story is going. it cheapens some things, but i still think it is holding up.

because the shibas are just amazing! i think character motivation might be wakui's biggest weakness (more on that later pft) and the shibas have the most well thought through motivations, tons of pathos, tons of payoff. love them.

yuzuha's voice actress! i wrote husky-voiced yuzuha before this season came out! i knew it i knew it i knew it

also the kick heard round the world! in a story filled with out of nowhere high kicks, yuzuha's is the best.

appreciating how violent these kids are, even the ones that i think of as sweethearts. chifuyu did not hesitate to break that bottle and take it to kisaki's throat. insane! kokonoi and inupi are feral in their intro scene. koko especially is so unpredictable, so slimy, so dangerous, like. it's making me want to write him lol

EVERYTHING about the taiju/mitsuya sit down is just incredible. what esp blows my mind is how taiju doesn't out hakkai when mitsuya wrongly thinks hakkai protects yuzuha. he laughs, yes, but he goes along with it. because hakkai in that moment must be just utterly humiliated to realize how he doesn't live up to the ideals mitsuya instilled in him. insane stuff. there should be more shiba household terror fic out there because their dynamic is so rich with awfulness. that said, fuck a taiju redemption arc. no one needed a taiju fucking redemption arc.

i forget that kisaki was actually a great villain! until they give you his motivations - bleh bleh bleh - he's actually so scary! he's always several steps ahead, he is good at setting traps and escaping them, he is charismatic in a strange way. he's a good villain. (and honestly, i don't even mind that he's an incel. i mind that he's an elementary school incel. if wakui had just written kisaki as staying friends with hina over the years, it would have drastically improved it. but alas. he is ruined for me forever)

i also forgot how deep hanma's voice is. that's it. that's the note.

the bad

the gag with chifuyu's "plan a and plan b" made my stomach turn. i can't stand watching people humiliate themselves.

takemichi revealing everything to chifuyu in the manga is a great moment, but i think it is spoiled a bit in happening in ep 3 of the anime because it's been a while since we have seen the bond between takemichi and chifuyu between seasons, so it just feels too sudden idk

hina's dad would have been a lot more convincing if he didn't open his speech with how he's basically an absentee parent that never sees his kids. he's not even a good dad!

really wish hina was a character and not just a prop while we're on the subject. the idea that this boy broke up with her in middle school, and she just pined after him into her mid-20s??? is she a femcel to kisaki's incel? what is this??? i know it's passe to point this out, but they really should have made them high schoolers. would have made moments like this a little more reasonable.

i request more mikey. and i know i'm not getting it for a few more eps but god.

the ugly

i know that you can't think too deeply about this story and how takemichi is 26 or it makes everything happening a) insanely creepy re: Hina and b) insanely cringy re: why is he so impressed by the company of these middle schoolers??? like, i know. suspend your disbelief and go with it. but the show keeps reminding me! they keep dropping lines about it as a joke and it's harshing my vibes.

also, takemichi is the most pathetic protagonist of all time, and it's worse in the anime than the manga because you can't read past it fast. watching those moments stretch out in the anime is agony. he keeps being outsmarted by children. CHILDREN! he jumps back to the past and his immediate priority is beating a child at bowling! he sees "bd" on a rival gang's jacket and wonders 'what does that stand for' a mere 30 seconds after thinking about the Black Dragons! i get that he's meant to be a loser, but why also make him this insufferably stupid???? (i don't even hate takemichi. i just think the anime is making it tough.)