#but this is after i removed it and a blog i no longer recall the name of that ran posts through google translate for being deactivated

[gimmick-blog-bracket]

Here is a better list of all the competitors that were submitted but don't exist and/or were deactivated. Some of them are probably typos and incorrect recollections of actual blogs, so I'll go through them and fix that at a slightly later time.

bovine-blogger the-jahalh voiceclaim-poll whatcoloristhiscat rat-detector-17 The-purpurhaj the-prisonerr newfoundland-official i-make-things-explode is-this-pokemon-photo-cute ice-cream-sunday yeahokillreblogthat 25th-rat-detector officialgrassrating foxeseveryhour is-this-yuri i-make-things-glitched-out fuckyouinparticuloar official-level-five rat-undetector certified-new-york-posts translatingthingsinfrench praise-anon bocchidaily post-uwufier the-fake-catholic-church space-updates-today Couldtheybecouldtheybekira is-the-snake-video-cute

[mylifeforchloe]

This a little abnormal for my blog as far as the kinds of posts I make, but I feel like this kind of a Public Service Announcement (PSA) is necessary for the fandom. Things like this make me really concerned-- not only for the LIS3:DE (new Max story) story that is going to be told, but also for the quality of working environment for those who work at Deck Nine.

Quotes from the linked article that bothered me...

[Edit: Original post was a link post with text after. I saw the link in the edit screen and scheduled the post. For some reason this caused the link to get removed when the article was actually posted. Editing to put the link in the original article. I also posted a follow up (before editing the original) to include the same info. Editing original for completeness only.]

Nazi imagery would be inappropriate in most games, but in a Life Is Strange title the dissonance was especially frightening.

...

According to over a dozen current and former employees across several departments, most of whom spoke to me on condition of anonymity for fear of reprisal, Deck Nine’s management has long let a toxic work culture fester at the studio. They claim the C-suite has protected multiple abusive leaders, encouraged crunch, and allowed bullying of individuals advocating internally for more authentic representation in Life Is Strange.

...

When they saw this version of the [True Colors] scene, a number of people pushed back, arguing that the scene would unintentionally trigger associations with date rape.

...

“It took a three hour meeting in the writers room and one of the writers sharing an extremely personal story to get Zak to agree to get the content out,” said Littleton. “It wasn’t about us not wanting to have difficult topics in there, but Life Is Strange shines because that type of content is chosen extremely deliberately and it’s given runway, it’s given space to breathe. This detail is irrelevant to the plot, it would have been traumatic for players, and there was no space to unpack it. We don’t have time to talk about what it means for Alex to be roofied by a man she trusted.”

fuuu...

Another anonymous source recalled Garriss suggesting that this pushback was only occurring because he was making a game about a woman, and that he wouldn’t have to deal with this if he was making a game about Nathan Drake.

fuuuuu...

[After Garriss' quit voluntarily] Once news got out [that Deck Nine mamagement wanted to re-hire Garriss], the narrative team erupted. Multiple people begged management not to bring back Garriss in a series of meetings, messages, and emails. One person familiar with leadership at the company recalls HR stepping in, noting that management was actively underpaying a number of workers, especially women, while considering a massive salary for Garriss. HR allegedly suggested that Deck Nine could be legally liable for Garriss’ behavior if they invited him back after the bevy of reports. When the company CEO and CFO persisted in arguing that they needed Garriss, multiple writers handed in resignations.

fuuuuuuuuu...

And given that what we've seen in the teaser videos are either

Missing any reference to Chloe

Including a minimalist reference (like a photo on the wall)

Including an awkward reference (Safi? asking Max about the blue haired girl in the picture Max keeps.)

And given that

3a - Either Bay ending, Max keeps a photo of Chloe from before the storm, or

3b - Max keeps a photo of Chloe, but Chloe isn't in her life (possibly not in her life any longer.)

And given that

Costs of developing a story where Chloe is present in only half of the story (the Bae ending version) and the ripple effect that might have on the plot...

I simply do not believe that Chloe will be a meaningful component. And the choices Max is making across dimensions, and the risk of not getting back to Chloe if she were still alive and still part of Max's life... the plot shown doesn't make any sense to me.

So I wasn't going to buy LIS3 to begin with, not without a proper story that included Chloe's presence in Max's present life. And now, after this article, I'm even less likely to buy [anything from D9, ever again,] knowing the cultural depravity of the development studio.

I would, of course, love to be wrong on all counts.

[isilrina]

Hey everyone, it's Art Monday! 😊 Today, I'm sharing: "Let me work my magic."

Last summer, I was clearing out a storage unit I'd kept for 8 years, and due to my ADHD, most of its contents had been forgotten. It took my husband and me some time to clear it, but among my stuff, I found a CD I'd burned years ago with pictures of people in various poses, possibly for future drawing references.

At the time, I remember thinking, "Like everything else, I'll stash it somewhere and forget about it."

Turns out, some of the pictures on that CD are no longer available online, removed somehow, and I need them for reworking some of my older drawings. So, in the end, I'm glad I made that CD.

Now, about this particular drawing—while going through the poses on the CD, one struck me. I'd just started playing BG3 after cleaning the storage unit, and it resonated so much with my Original Character and Gale that I had to draw them.

It took me a few days (can't recall exactly how long, but it was swift), and it felt so right, very relaxing. Plus, it was during this time that I began detailing hair in a more intricate way. You'll see what I mean in my upcoming art posts! 😉

So, presenting Gale of Waterdeep and Erel'Vrae, my Drow Gloom Stalker.

I'd waited two decades for this game, and it sparked my creativity so much that it reignited my passion for writing. Their story, "Woven Destinies," can be found on Ao3, and I'm thinking about posting it on my second blog, "X-Press it!" too.

See you on Monday!

[evilmark999]

Red Pill and Blue Pill labels are based upon two categories from the fictional world of The Matrix. Lumping billions of people into ANY two types of categories is absolutely asinine and useless. Such splits will never meaningfully reflect reality at all...

To be clear: "Red Pill" with regard to the ascribed treatment of women (or, really, of ANYONE by ANYONE) is wrong! I absolutely agree...

To be clearer: OP has solved a problem that doesn't actually exist as framed, and then did his math wrong while trying to reverse engineer to an already valid answer...

For a more contemporary and open take, let's have some fun!

The Goatherder's Guide to the Galaxy

Are you still reading this?

This manmade god of goats and sheep and his devotees were the ORIGINAL neckbeards! Everything neckbeard, today, evolved - or, rather, did NOT evolve - from these neckbeard devotees more than two millennia ago...

Living amongst us, now, is a sort of living, breathing dinosaur that we can DIRECTLY compare to faithful from back in the day!

Ezekiel 23

ALL who know The Goatherder's Guide to the Galaxy are shamefully familiar with EZ23:19. Everyone else is probably thinking:

This, coincidentally, is actually a pretty solid take! But the real EZ23:19 actually reads:

Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.

In much the same way that a poor man would imagine a wealthy man, this man without a woman is imagining what would be enticing to her. Well, ladies?

( ( ( FUCKED UP ALERT ) ) )

Now, keeping with the original "Red Pill man bad" premise for this reblog, here's my overview on most of what matters from Ezekiel 23:

Women without a man will evolve into lustful baby-makers who - via defilement that they bring upon themselves - will then victimize the stallions of manly society for the big dick energy that these immoral ones crave, thus angering the Big Dick in the Sky, who will then demand the totally righteous cannibalism of her children, as well as her own subsequent rape, disfigurement, torture and death via deputized holy zombie hordes...

Are you still reading this?

I reread Ezekiel 23, as well, and now I'm no longer in the mood to keep doing this tongue-in-cheek:

BOTTOM LINE #1:

Those scary calls from the neckbeards are coming from inside the home! Ezekiel had visions and heard voices, and he continues to pass all of that on to this day. Von Shitzenpantz and FKR Jr operate in much the same way to varying degrees. It's old, Old, OLD school woman-hate...

FOOTNOTE: Ezekiel is a slightly different story for the Quran. For the Torah, Ezekiel is known but long, Long, LONG since removed. Neckbeards are NOT unique to anyone anywhere at any time...

BOTTOM LINE #2:

The more that you exercise your critical thinking skills, the stronger you will be. Recognize bad takes early. Don't let ANYONE get away with telling you to ignore what your eyes are seeing and what your ears are hearing! Including me. Check me...

[ EDIT ]

My post was blocked. That's on tumblr. The blog is a safe space for the indoctrinated, only...

Yet tumblr thought it would be a good idea to feed it to me, anyway...

[ 240802 ]

The red pill community needs to read the Bible. When Abrahams wife was old and infertile God didn't say "ya bro just find a new wife" in fact he scolds Abraham for being unfaithful. King David's affair with Bathsheba resulted in his dynastys downfall. Joseph was told by God to be a father to a son that wasn't biologically his. So I don't want to hear "as a man I deserve a young hot wife" or "women have expiration dates" or whatever. READ THE BOOK!!!!

[mysticlovefestival]

Blog Post #5

I believe the message in Victor LaValle’s “destroyer” was about black exploitation and police brutality with brief mentions of climate change and otherness.. 

Josephine's character is the most intelligent person in the story. She was always completely devoted to her work, the second she decided to live a life outside of work she was disposed of. She was only important to the director when she was useful even after years the director didn’t try to contact her when her son died and she was grieving only when she needed something. This plot is very reminiscent of cultural appropriation to me. Rap music, (actually most music genres), fashion, hairstyles, black creation are often exploited without any appreciation for the creator. In America Black people are only useful for what they can bring to White people.

I think there were a lot of themes covered in such a short comic and it could’ve done without a few things. I feel like the topic of climate change was skimmed over, they mentioned the ice caps melting a couple times but none of the technology the scientists were developing had anything to do with climate change. It's like they just said climate change is happening… next topic. The comic could’ve been a little bit longer or removed some plot lines so that everything could be fully flushed out.

Something I didn’t notice while reading the comic was the correlation between the advancement of technology. It was pointed out in the authors note that technology is advancing while society's attitude towards black people has been at a stand still. In the comic Josephine recalls an incident from 1963 where the justice system failed a black man and pointed out that in 2017 nothing has changed.It's like the technology is so advanced that new races are being created while society is maintaining white supremacy over the generations. This is another plot line that was kind of skimmed over; when Akai was talking to the destroyer he was mentioning how they were the same and it feels good to have someone like yourself around then the destroyer was killed before the message could even finish being developed.

I noticed Akai’s death was very similar to Tamir Rice but it might not even be directly inspired because the story of a cop seeing something that wasn’t there on a black child is so common, his character could easily be inspired by Trayvon Martin also.

For a moment there it looked like Josephine and her family could live a somewhat normal life when her and were yelling at Akai that brief glimpse of hope was one of my favorite parts of the story. Although it's sad it didn’t go that way I’m glad Akai will get to enjoy the childhood he was supposed to have although I don’t know if he will ever grow up mentally or what that would look like with his mother in his brain.

[pipluvz]

୨ৎ day 2. . . ୨ৎ

364 days, more or less. Losing the scent of you has me worried, S. What more will I forget about you until we see each other once more? Just how much of you will I lose? I decided it's best to recollect everything I can now— if you are to fade from my memory, I'll always have this blog to refresh it.

Scent— You smelled clean, fresh. Like soap, and laundry detergent, but not the sweet, floral and warm detergent I'm used to. It was just... clean. I wish I had something to compare it to, so I wouldn't forget it. The faintest scent is still on your plushie, but it's not something I can quite put into words. Will you smell the same if I ever do see you again? Or will you be different?

Touch— You were soft. And warm, God you were warm. Nothing like my frigid fingers, the shiver of my spine whenever we made contact. You were softer than I expected, for someone so strong and well-defined. You looked soft, too. Our knees touched when we sat together, our arms when you leaned against me, our hands when you held mine. You weren't afraid of touching me, not like I was. Will I ever feel you again? My body is so cold without yours against it.

Sound— Your voice was even softer than you were. Quiet, and polite, but so adorable when you got excited. You'd raise your voice just the slightest, and you acted exactly as you did when we'd text. You'd trail off when you didn't know what to say anymore, start a new conversation, ask me about myself. Your laugh... God, may I never get it out of my head. Pure happiness, innocence, love. You spoke like you were scared of hurting me, like I was a gentle, small thing, one that needed to be treated with care. And in a way, I was. But it wasn't just me— everywhere we went, you spread kindness. Apologizing for bumping into people, asking for permission to turn on the lights when we went to your brother's house... you were just good. I'll miss that. Sight— S, you were beautiful. Your eyes were bigger than I expected, but not too big for your face. They were kind, inviting. I felt a jolt of electricity whenever we made eye contact. Did you feel it, too? You said you were mesmerized. Yours were warm and the prettiest, deepest brown. Your hair was fluffy and longer than I expected, and you had the cutest white glasses on your face. Because I told you I liked glasses. You let me wear them, too. You said I looked cute that way. You were taller than me, not as much as I expected, but taller. I wore my platform boots and you wore sneakers so I wouldn't feel so small. You wore jackets, so I couldn't see your pretty arms in person, but I remember them vividly from all the photos. God, how I wish I'd had the courage to hold them just once. Have I missed my only chance?

Taste— We never kissed. I wanted to kiss your cheek, but after our conversation about the age gap, when you told me the physical boundaries we needed to keep, I just got too scared. All I have to recall of your taste is the sweet lipstick I put on in hopes of leaving it all over your face, and the cheesecake you fed me at that little cafe. I thought that was adorable. It made me feel protected, adored. Wanted. Your pretty cheeks, which were pink the whole time anyway, were a bright red when I fed you.

You reacted to one of my old messages last night. You'd complimented my eyes, so I complimented yours right back. But, you removed your 'heart' reaction. I don't have the same phone as yours, so I tried to look it up, but I didn't get a very clear answer. Did you have to hold it down to do that? Was it the slip of a finger? Why were you reading our messages at 9 p.m when you initiated no contact? Regret? Letting go? Are you trying to forget me, taking back the love you gave? Or were you reminiscing? Scrolled too deep and made an embarrassing little mistake? Were you showing your friends? After all, that was in the middle of you setting our boundaries— are you proving something to somebody? Did you not want them to see the reaction? Just that you refused to do anything while I was 17? Are you still under scrutiny, S? I sure hope not. I want you to come back so badly. So, give me another sign. Do it again. React, like a story, accidentally dial my number, I don't care. Show me you still think about me as much as I do. I love you, S. I'm holding onto my hope for you.

— Yours forever, W.

[polishmymarble]

PolishMyMarble: The Best Marble Polishing Services in Joka, Kolkata

Marble floors, countertops, and accents can bring an unparalleled elegance to any home. However, as beautiful as they are, they require regular care to maintain their shine and beauty. If you live in Joka, Kolkata, you might be wondering where to turn for the best marble polishing services. Look no further than PolishMyMarble! In this blog post, we’ll dive into the amazing services they offer, share some real-life stories, and provide practical tips for keeping your marble looking fabulous.

Why Choose Marble?

Before we get into the nitty-gritty of marble polishing, let’s talk about why marble is such a sought-after material.

The Beauty of Marble

Marble is not just a stone; it's a work of art. Each slab comes with its unique patterns and colors, making it a stunning choice for any space. From classic white Carrara to rich green and gold varieties, marble adds a luxurious touch that elevates any room.

Durability Meets Elegance

While marble is beautiful, it’s also durable. With proper care, it can last for decades. However, wear and tear from daily use can dull its shine over time. That’s why regular maintenance is essential to keep your marble looking as good as new.

A Personal Anecdote

Let’s take a moment to consider the Sharma family, who recently moved into their dream home in Joka. They were thrilled to find beautiful marble flooring throughout their new space. After a few months, however, they noticed scratches from moving furniture and stains from everyday life. Feeling disheartened, they realized they needed professional help to restore their marble’s beauty.

Introducing PolishMyMarble

When it comes to marble polishing services in Joka, PolishMyMarble stands out for several reasons:

1. Expertise You Can Rely On

PolishMyMarble employs a team of skilled professionals who specialize in marble care. They understand the nuances of different marble types and know how to treat each one appropriately.

Customer Story: Mr. Sen, a local resident, recalls, “I was skeptical at first. But the team at PolishMyMarble took the time to explain their process. Their knowledge put me at ease, and the results were stunning!”

2. Tailored Solutions for Your Needs

Every marble surface is unique, which is why PolishMyMarble provides customized services. They assess your marble’s condition and tailor their approach to ensure the best possible results.

3. State-of-the-Art Techniques

Using cutting-edge tools and methods, PolishMyMarble can remove scratches, stains, and dullness effectively. Their technology ensures that your marble is polished without being damaged in the process.

4. Transparent Pricing

One of the best aspects of PolishMyMarble is their transparent pricing model. You know exactly what you’re paying for, with no hidden fees. This honesty builds trust, which is essential when choosing a service provider.

5. Eco-Friendly Practices

In today's world, sustainability is crucial. PolishMyMarble uses eco-friendly products that are safe for both your family and the environment. This commitment to sustainability makes them a responsible choice.

The Benefits of Professional Marble Polishing

Investing in professional marble polishing isn’t just about aesthetics; it offers numerous advantages:

1. Restored Luster

The most immediate benefit is the restored shine. A freshly polished marble surface can completely transform a room, making it feel new and inviting.

2. Enhanced Durability

Regular polishing helps protect your marble from future damage. It minimizes scratches and keeps stains at bay, ensuring your marble lasts longer.

Anecdote from Joka: The Dutta family decided to hire PolishMyMarble after noticing their marble floors becoming increasingly dull. Post-polishing, they were amazed at how vibrant and fresh their floors looked. They even decided to make it an annual tradition!

3. Increased Property Value

Well-maintained marble can significantly boost your property value. If you ever decide to sell your home, potential buyers will be more attracted to beautifully polished surfaces.

4. Safety First

Dull and scratched marble can be slippery, posing a risk of falls. Polishing not only enhances appearance but can also improve traction, making your home safer.

The PolishMyMarble Process

You might be wondering what to expect when you book a service with PolishMyMarble. Here’s a simple breakdown:

1. Assessment

The process begins with a detailed assessment of your marble surfaces. The team will inspect for scratches, stains, and other issues to determine the best course of action.

2. Deep Cleaning

Before polishing, the marble must be thoroughly cleaned. PolishMyMarble uses specialized cleaners to remove dirt, grime, and debris, setting the stage for effective polishing.

3. Polishing

Using advanced polishing machines, the team will work through various stages to achieve the desired shine. This step is crucial for restoring your marble’s natural beauty.

4. Sealing

Once polished, the marble is sealed to protect it from stains and scratches. Sealing is vital for maintaining the integrity of your marble.

5. Final Inspection and Care Tips

After the work is completed, the team conducts a final inspection. They will also provide you with tips on how to maintain your newly polished surfaces.

Real Experiences with PolishMyMarble

Customer experiences speak volumes about a service. Here are some stories from satisfied clients in Joka:

Mr. Mukherjee’s Story

“I can’t believe the transformation! My marble floors were dull and scratched, but now they look brand new. The team was professional and friendly, and I couldn’t be happier with the results!”

Mrs. Ghosh’s Delight

“PolishMyMarble made the entire process so easy. They were punctual, respectful, and did an amazing job. I highly recommend their services to anyone looking to revive their marble!”

How to Maintain Your Marble After Polishing

Once you’ve invested in professional polishing, you’ll want to keep your marble looking beautiful. Here are some simple tips:

1. Regular Cleaning

Use a soft mop and a pH-neutral cleaner specifically designed for marble. Avoid using acidic or abrasive products that could harm your marble surfaces.

2. Immediate Spill Cleanup

Since marble is porous, it can absorb liquids quickly. Always clean spills promptly to prevent staining.

3. Use Coasters and Mats

To prevent scratches and stains, always use coasters under drinks and place mats in high-traffic areas. These small steps can save you from significant damage.

4. Schedule Regular Professional Care

Aim to schedule professional polishing every 6 to 12 months. Regular maintenance is key to preserving the beauty of your marble.

The Value of Routine Marble Care

Routine care is often overlooked, but it can save you a lot of money in the long run. Regular polishing and maintenance prevent minor issues from becoming major problems.

A Wise Decision

Take, for instance, the Ray family in Joka. After realizing how much easier it was to maintain their marble with routine care, they committed to annual services with PolishMyMarble. Their marble has remained stunning and hassle-free!

Conclusion

If you’re looking for the best marble polishing services in Joka, Kolkata, PolishMyMarble is the clear choice. Their expertise, personalized service, and commitment to quality make them the go-to provider for marble care.

Your home should reflect your personality and style, and dull or damaged marble shouldn’t detract from that. Contact PolishMyMarble today to restore the beauty of your marble surfaces and enjoy a home that sparkles!

Get in Touch with PolishMyMarble

Ready to give your marble the care it deserves? Visit PolishMyMarble or call [7059276431] their dedicated team today. Experience the joy of beautiful surfaces and elevate your home’s elegance.

Investing in professional marble polishing is not just about looks; it's about preserving your home’s beauty and value. With PolishMyMarble, you can enjoy pristine marble for years to come. Happy polishing!

[liberatingallselves]

August Meditations MMXXIV

My writer’s block continued this past year. It’s difficult to put down in words the thoughts that stream through my mind. They’re like clouds that continually change shape on a windy day. What appears as a fully formed idea in one moment quickly changes adding new perspectives on what was just said. Nothing in this stream lasts for more than a moment. Yet I persist in trying to capture it. Why?

I did post once and was writing another when a new illness intervened. I won’t bother you with the details. Except to say that it made finishing the new post impossible. I may try it again later if it seems relevant.

I intended to remove some of the old posts in this blog but didn’t get to that either. Hard to believe I’ve been at this for 14 years. And that it’s only been in the last couple of years that any of this has really begun to sink in. Now if experience only caught up with intellectual understanding. After all these years there is yet to be a significant switch in identity. No, “Aha!” moment. More like water dripping on pebble on a beach somewhere, slowly grinding it into sand. ‘Was I born to early,” I ask myself, “to be one of those who awaken in this new era of Awakenings that I find myself in?”

Looking back over the past year I see that I’ve for the most part I stopped reading spiritual material. I’ve also cut back on watching spiritual speakers on Youtube. I’m not sure if that’s due to spiritual laziness, the ego resisting its own dissolution, or if some unconscious incubation mechanism is at work that will lead to a later realization.

When I turn to thought I do see more clearly than ever that the ones that use the “I” word are not me. But this doesn’t create a fascination for discovering my true nature. I find that odd. Yet at the same time I’m aware that any attempt to look for my true nature will only produce another collection of thoughts centered around the word “I.” And what good is that?

It is indisputable that true nature cannot be thought. It’s that which is aware of thought but when the mind turns to it, i.e., awareness or consciousness, it automatically treats it as a thought. It can do no other being that the mind is a thinking machine. And following the mind in that endeavour ultimately leads to dissatisfaction, aka, suffering. I’m beginning to see why Zen Master Bankei said that “All things are perfectly resolved in the Unborn.” There can be no resolution through the mind being that’s where thoughts, and perhaps the entire universe, is born.

That’s not to say that there is no place for thought. Beyond their usefulness in solving everyday practical problems, they can be useful pointers to true nature. But once you’ve seen where they’re pointing there is no reason to keep on pointing, is there? As Gangagi might say, at that point you just stop.

What is left when you stop? True, thinking continues but it no longer is a distraction. Distraction from what, you ask. Well, from the present moment. From the sensations in your body. The sounds in the air. The sights before you. All those physical sensations that make up the present moment. And there’s no need to think about it. But what, you ask, if there is some real physical danger in your present moment? What if a tiger jumps out of the forest? Shouldn’t you have a plan of escape ready? Well, it is a fact that if you take a moment to recall that plan then it’s likely the tiger will be upon you. The human body is born of a thousand, thousand generations of learning how to respond automatically to physical danger. It doesn’t need a mental plan when faced with a tiger, it just responds. Trust it to do its thing. Don’t fall into a mind trap.

When not distracted by thought attention turns to the immediate moment. For most of us mind will immediately start up again. When it does just return your attention to the present moment and keep returning. Even when the mind tells you there’s nothing there, that it’s boring, or that you should do some important thing first, keep returning to the sounds in the air, the sensations in your body, to your breathing. That’s where the real gold is.

Turning attention away from thought and towards sensation is becoming aware of awareness. Or might I say, awaring? There is no special thing called awareness that is separate from the forms that you are aware of. Thinking there is a separate awareness is just another mind trap meant to keep you going in circles. So don’t look for it. Just see that it is already here.

Years ago, I read that meditation is the practice of turning your attention away from thought towards the present moment. Reading that, my mind went on a journey to discover what that meant. “What is the present moment?” I asked. “What is the best way to turn away from thought?” “How do I stop thinking?” These and other questions were pondered, taking me further and further away from the very thing I sought. Now I know that if you just continually turn your attention away from thought (when there is no practical reason to think) and turn your attention back to the sensations of the present moment, that this practice will carry you all the way to the far shore to your true nature. And that you’ve always been on the far shore to begin with.

Maybe that’s why I read less and watch fewer Youtube teachers. Because there’s a part of me that understands that these activities only take me into my mind and away from present moment consciousness. Or maybe I am just lazy. No need to think about it, I guess.

[ilovetheseattlemariners]

"the worst part about being dumped is recalling the times you dumped other people, and realizing how little the person that just dumps you cares about you now"

i haven't used tumblr in so long and i was attempting to peruse the tumblr of a random youtuber i liked and while i was attempting to scroll a popup asking me to log in or sign up prohibited me from going further down this escapade and when i pressed the "sign up" button i was prompted to reset the password to an account i had completely forgotten i had made many years ago with the fake aspirations of creating some sort of roblox webcomic, which must date this account to being almost eight or nine years ago now. terrifying, especially since none of what happened then i can necessarily remember, nor will i be recollecting any of that on this blog now.

having been inundated with the urge to journal for a long time now, i feel compelled to have this here to fulfill that purpose. i guess i could talk about a lot of things here.

my most recent ex texted me for the first time in two months telling me they just tested positive for chlams and that i should go about getting tested for that too which sucks. i think a lot about that line from before sunrise where the douche guy character says some shit like "the worst part about being dumped is recalling the times you dumped other people, and realizing how little the person that just dumps you cares about you now." fucking shit man.

like there isn't a world where i would ever want to be with them again, but there is also a world where i was once a part of their life and the lives of all the people i befriended in the year i spent studying abroad in the city that i will no longer return to probably: the world in question is this one.

auden brings up in his preface to some trees that "what's real is sacred. and what's sacred is ritual. ergo, the moment something stops being repeated it is no longer real." so i guess that means the year i spent in that city i studied in is no longer real, yet it can also be surmised that my constant harkening back to those memories is evidence of their realness. i can't so much as blink without being transported to some moment in the past that only serves to perpetuate my condition. oh how i miss you. currently i try to remove myself entirely from the people i met there. self-amputation of the heart, to coin a phrase that i will almost undoubtedly look back on with chagrin.

anyways, chlams. went to the beach with my lesbian coworker the other day after telling her about that and how much it stressed me and we smoked too many darts and ate too much junkfood and kind of had one of those meandering conversations that aren't bad but just innocuous and sort of directionless. i had things to get off my chest but i don't think i unloaded it at all; i think i was still scared. the view from the beach was nice though. i wish mishima could've seen that. the way the summer sun lay across the waves in fading light the colour of autumn. the leaves appearing to wave overhead doubtfully. whenever i read a mishima depiction of a nature scene it is almost as though he lived on another planet with nature prettier than ours. now i have to fucking call around to book std clinic appts, cuz i guess getting tested for chalms is a fucking archaic ritual that requires supplicating to anachronisms.

getting a text from them is what really destroyed me, though. the contents of the text could've been fucking gibbergabber and in an instant a bottomless chasm would be made in whatever room i was in and i would be immediately hurdling down to its core. i don't know, maybe it's the thing of like "doesn't the thought of there being people out there who know all about you but you no longer talk to them and they have no presence in your life", except its me being that person for them and getting to vicariously live it out (though i also do live it out, god knows i do) is what is fucking me over so hard like this. not to boast, but i also did a really good job of wiping any sort of trace of them out of my phone; but now the absence has a bigger presence in my life than any old photo ever did.

anyways, i'm being incoherent now i know. tomorrow i go out with my gym bro for the first time since she's come back from vacation. that's exciting. another con about studying abroad in a foreign city and then leaving and never coming back is that it basically leaves you like a stray dog in a cold winter night with no support circle. it's gotten so unbearably tough and lonely at times and i've basically become hyper-attached to everyone i know and get super self-conscious about being overly-needy but i can't help it because of the crippling loneliness i've bestowed upon myself. i've been coping through this by saying that it would all get better in the fall, back when the turn of seasons was a far away and abstract concept. but now it's already august and it seems inevitable now. i mean, it is inevitable. and i don't know, the transition from chapters always fucks me over.

okay i don't know what else to say. cya

[cosmodermapatna011]

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[my-my-my]

Yoooo , I checked all of your writings, specially Aizen's cuz I like the character so much and your blog is just awesome 💗.💞. So may I ask nsfw of aizen x fem reader but a little tough or kinky like he's the type to love trying different things maybe rope play too.

Thanks.

Thank you for your kind words! I wanted to try writing him with a scumbag spin to it... this is also a modern AU!

DNI IF UNDER 18!

TW: patient/doctor relationship, humiliation, dacryphilia, rough play, bondage, alluded hypnotism, dubious consent.

Tags: @stygianoir

You didn’t know why you kept coming back to him. Dr. Aizen Sosuke was a dangerous man. A man who had your body, mind, and soul, in the palm of his hands. You were at his feet, staring at the ground, trembling beneath him as he sat in his office chair.

You didn’t dare look up at him, but you could hear him type away at his keyboard, writing something on a notepad, and the shuffling of patient files around. It was like you weren’t in the room at all, but you kept your head down.

You were being punished after all. But for what? You couldn’t remember. When you entered his office, you knew you were in trouble and got down on your knees.

How long has it been? You thought to yourself. Your thighs tingled with pain as you kept sitting there longer than you were used to, and still no sign of acknowledgement from your doctor.

Your doctor.

You weren’t even sure how long this had been going on. You were referred to him by your family physician and lost count of your sessions. You tried to recall when this all started, when you were put at his mercy –

You let out a shriek as Aizen gripped your hair, pulling your head back to look at him. His grip didn’t loosen, and your scalp felt on fire with how tightly he held on to your hair. His glasses were off, as he stared at you menacingly.

“Penny for your thoughts? Or was this punishment too easy for you?” Aizen asked, with a curious look on his face

You were about to explain yourself when he pulled your hair again, causing you to yelp in pain. Tears pricked your eyes as his strength forced you to stumble from your position.

“You truly are useless” Aizen said calmly, inspecting your face. “You can’t even stay still.”

You were hurt by his words. You swore you were sitting there for at least 30 minutes, but as soon as you opened your mouth to defend yourself, Aizen shoved his tie into your mouth.

He gripped your hair and treated it as a leash to pull you to the couch. The couch where any normal doctor would let their patient sit and listen to their concerns, but instead, Aizen pushed you into the cushions.

“You can redeem yourself by not looking back.” You nodded your head into the couch as you heard Aizen remove his belt.

“Arms behind your back” Aizen instructed, as you obediently listened to him. You heard Aizen chuckle above you, “I see you’re in a listening mood today.” He hummed softly as he looped his belt around your arms, locking them in securely.

“You can face me now, pet.” To which you turned around, tears streaking your face. “You look so beautiful like this.” Aizen smiled, rubbing your tears into your cheek.

Before you could protest, he removed your pants, leaving you in your underwear. Aizen chuckled as he rubbed his fingers against the damp spot of your panties.

“I always knew you liked it a little rough, but I haven’t even touched you and your soaking wet.” Aizen commended, rubbing his fingers over your covered slit. You whimpered at his words, burrowing your face into the cushions again.

But Aizen wasn’t having it. He slapped your ass hard, leaving your bottom stinging in pain. You shrieked into the cushion, hoping it would muffle the sound. Sobs wracked your body as he kept the intensity of his smacks. You were sure your bottom was covered in his handprints.

You were in a daze from the pain and didn’t notice Aizen removed your underwear until you felt cold air hit your wet pussy. But that feeling didn’t last long as Aizen pushed himself in one swift motion.

You moaned into the makeshift gag as Aizen started with a slow pace. You felt your body twitch from the pleasure of his cock filling you up, and the remnants of his spanking. As you mewled and arched your back, Aizen took it as a sign to increase his pace.

It was then you heard a phone ringing, and his pace slackened a bit. Surely he wouldn’t answer it?

“Hello, Aizen Sosuke speaking.” Aizen answered, his cock still sheathed inside you.

You turned to face him, eyes horrified that he was calmly answering the phone, as he kept thrusting into you.

It was then you realized, it was a test. Aizen was still punishing you.

You tried to steady yourself and ignore the full feeling in your pussy, but Aizen wasn’t merciful. He started to pick up his pace, as he chatted to whoever was on the phone. You bit into the tie as you tried not to moan.

But it was futile.

With one hand still holding his phone, Aizen’s other hand reached down to rub your clit. At first it jolted you with how light it was – you weren’t sure if that had happened. Then he circled your nub with gentle taps, which grew into intense rubs.

You weren’t even sure what he was talking about on the phone, as you tried to ignore everything happening to your body, but Aizen’s fingers were better, and quicker, and you let out a soft moan. It was then Aizen ended the call.

Aizen dropped his phone next to your head and lowered his face next to yours.

“Good girl. You seem to be getting better at listening.” Aizen murmured, kissing your tear-stained face. He removed his tie from your mouth and gave you a harsh kiss.

“Thank you, sir.” You sobbed, as he kept pushing you towards your orgasm. You bit your lip as you felt your orgasm coming closer.

“Because you were so good while I was on the phone, I’ll let you cum now.” Aizen softly said, nipping your ear as his hands rubbed your clit. Your body thrashed against him and the couch, as you screamed into the cushions. Aizen cock didn’t let up its pace until your pussy tightened around him.

You were too tired to fight back as Aizen pushed himself further into you at an unrelenting pace. Your body slumped as you whimpered and moaned at the fullness of his cock entering you repeatedly. You felt him tense up, and without warning, Aizen pulled himself out from you. He pulled you back to your knees, your face facing his cock.

Before you could register what was happening and without warning, Aizen let out a deep groan as he came all over your face.

There you were, in his office, a patient was probably coming in soon, with your pussy sore, ass red and face covered with his cum and your tears. Aizen chuckled at the sight as he took his phone from the couch. You heard the click of the camera and shuffling as he tucked himself in. He removed his belt from your wrists as he looped his pants back together.

Once you were freed, you looked up at him, his cum cooling on your face.

“This is the prettiest you’ve looked so far” Aizen remarked, as he rubbed the cum into your face. He smirked again, looking over his handiwork.

Aizen helped you up, but watched you put your pants back on, going back to his desk.

“I expect you to come to your appointment in two weeks.” Aizen addressed you, but didn’t bother looking at you, as he typed something into his computer. His glasses were back on.

You nodded your head and fixed your hair. Your eyes felt tired, and they probably were red. You sighed as you looked at Aizen once again, before leaving his practice.

Thankfully, Aizen’s assistant wasn’t here as you exited the office. But as you headed to the elevator, you bumped into someone.

You didn’t want to look at their face, until you saw a hand reach to you with a handkerchief.

“Miss, are you alright?” Concern evident in their voice. You didn’t want to look at them, so you avoided eye contact but thanked them for the offering.

“Yes” you said softly, “just an intense therapy session today” you smiled at them, trying to feign reassurance. You patted your cheeks dry and blushed deeply as you realized you still had bits of cum on your face. You patted your face more aggressively and handed the person their handkerchief back, thanking them.

“Oh I’ve been there. Sometimes these sessions can be hard, but Dr. Aizen knows what he’s doing!” The other patient smiled. You feigned agreement but excused yourself as the elevator dinged and opened.

Once alone in the elevator, you closed your eyes and tried to recall everything that happened.

That was, until the elevator ringed again, letting you out – and the sound triggering something in your brain.

You looked at your phone in wonder. Two hours had passed, and you can barely recall your therapy session. It alluded you.

Every time you walked to the psychology clinic for your appointment, with a psychologist you couldn’t remember.

You stared at your phone trying to remember everything.

What happened?

Why am I so sore?

You winced as you felt mild pain from your bottom, and your wrists were also a bit sore as well. The whole two hours seemed like they were gone from your memory. Were you asleep? You did feel a bit better, emotionally, but still were at a loss for what just happened.

As you made yourself home, you were still confused, but exhaustion was hitting you harder. A date with your bed sounded more tantalizing than figuring out what happened at your session today.

You rubbed your eyes open and fished for your phone. Sighing, you realized you napped for too long. You felt disappointed in yourself since you planned on cooking a nice meal tonight, but as you walked to the kitchen, you saw your boyfriend there cooking for you already.

“Sosuke, you’re home early!” You gasped, rushing towards him. He gave you a soft smile as you embraced him. He kissed your forehead as he turned off the stove.

Aizen pushed the hair from your face as he kissed you softly on the lips. “You were sleeping so soundly, I wouldn’t dare wake up my little queen from her beauty sleep.” You playfully stuck out your tongue in response. Aizen reached down to grab your ass, as you winced from the pain.

“Something happen, my love?” Aizen asked you, concern evident in his voice.

You shook your head, “no, I think I fell at therapy or something. I’ve just been sore since coming home, but nothing major.” You smiled at him, relaxing in his presence.

“I’m glad to hear that then. Hopefully you had a good session today?” Aizen asked, as the two of you set the table for dinner.

“That’s the strangest thing, Sosuke! I don’t really remember what happens, but I feel better afterwards. I mean, tired too, but emotionally better?” You explained, trying to rationalize what was happening to you at your sessions.

Aizen frowned, then relaxed. “Well if it’s working, then I suppose it’s nothing to worry about.”

You gave him a reassuring smile, “of course! And if anything were to happen to me, I know you’d come for me anyways.”

“Of course.” Aizen replied, a calming smile across his face.

[icewindandboringhorror]

i feel like all websites need a “just delete every single post on this account from earlier than ____” feature to save me and my fellow anxiety fools the trouble of having to delete every post individually when we go on our monthly paranoia fueled deleting sprees based on whatever new absurd standard  (’nobody can know you like pasta! remove all public mention of pasta or you will DIE!’) our brain has made up for us 

[tartglias]

domestic headcanons

characters: zhongli, ganyu and childe

warnings: slight???? nsfw with childe. barely though

request: “Yayy a new genshin blog! I love your writing so far! Can I request some domestic fluff headcanons with Ganyu, Zhongli and Childe?”

writing for ganyu brought me so many feelings i had to stop and search fancams because i’m too in love with her

Zhongli

Zhongli loves to spend time with you. It can be any activity really, whether just sitting down drinking tea, walking around Liyue Harbor or just him reading you a book as you rested your head on his lap. But he has one activity that he absolutely adores.

Said activity is dancing

It doesn’t matter if there’s no music, he would simply start humming one of your favorite melodies or an ancient tune as he takes your hand in his and slow dances with you.

This can happen at any place and moment of the day as well.

In the mornings, when you wake up to an empty bed and the smell of breakfast, you sleepily walk towards the source of it and find Zhongli in the kitchen. “Good morning, dear” he says as soon as he notices your presence. “How did you sleep?” He asks as he wraps his arms around your body and you lay your head on his chest, still a little sleepy. “Mmkay, but I like it better when you’re there” you managed to say. That’s when he lets out a small laugh and starts swaying your bodies side by side, as if he was following the beat of an imaginary melody. If you weren’t actually standing up on your two feet, and if Zhongli wasn’t holding you as well, you were sure you would have fallen asleep again.

During tea time in the afternoon, after conversing for a while. Occasionally, Zhongli gets hit with a wave of nostalgia, remembering things he used to do, see and hear. It’s often a dance or a soft tune. This time, it’s a tune he once heard from an old man from Qingce Village. “If I recall correctly, it went something like this. Care to join me?” he says, extending his hand for you to take. Standing up, you gladly take it as he leads you a few steps away from the table in the backyard. Placing his hand on your waist, while holding your other hand with his, he brings you closer and starts humming the melody of the song he heard that one time in the past.

It’s also at night, after a long stressful day, without a word he takes your hand and slow dances with you. Sometimes he hums, sometimes he sings. Or silence fills the air, but either way, it relaxes you. You snuggle closer to him, hearing the steady beat of his heart and feeling as your nerves start disappearing slowly.

It doesn’t matter the time or place, not even the activities that keep you two busy, he will always find a moment to take you in his arms and slow dance with you. It’s his favorite moment of the day, after all.

Ganyu

Ganyu is a busy woman, always going from here to there, trying to help as much as she can as a member of the Qixing. This means, unfortunately for you, that she doesn’t have all the time in the world to spare and go on countless dates with you. But it’s not like you can complain either. She always makes a little space for you in her so busy day.

Though there are times, that are definitely not frequent, in which she gets a day off. She takes advantage of this extra free time to spend it with you as much as she can, and this time, you decided to stay at home and bake some chocolate chip cookies.

You had all the ingredients ready and everything on place. After checking, you turned around to see Ganyu wearing a Rex Lapis apron, “where did she even get that from?” you thought as you let out a small giggle. “Isn’t it cute?” she asked once she noticed the look on your face. You nodded and kissed her cheek. “Very”

The preparation process went somewhat okay, Ganyu told you to mix the dry ingredients while she did the rest. The moment you had to mix both preparations, Ganyu accidentally spilled a little bit, getting your hand dirty. You smiked at this, an idea popping in your mind. You turned around and got a little bit of flour on your finger, and booped her nose.

“Y/n! Now my nose is dirty!” she exclaimed, quickly cleaning her nose. “The power of revenge” you said, going back to the mix, pretending like it was nothing. “Oh I see. What if I do this?” she said, surprising you with three fingers covered in flour and spreading it on your cheek. You gasped and Ganyu let out a loud laugh. “What was that for?!” you asked, cleaning your cheek as you laughed. “It’s the power of revenge my love!” she said, mocking you.

Let’s just say that the expected 15 minutes of mixing turned into almost an hour because neither of you could keep each other’s hands away from each other. By the moment you put the cookies in the oven, you were both covered in flour and cookie mix.

“You have something there” you said, poking her upper lip with your finger that was barely covered with cookie dough. “Why don’t you come and clean it, now that we’re done?” she asked, with a voice that grew shier by each word spoken. You smiled fondly at her, you truly did love this woman. You wrapped your arms around her and brought her body closer to you, enough to gently press your forehead against hers. Closing your eyes you whispered the words you’ve been thinking all day. “I love you” you whispered, and you felt her smile. She then kissed you, eagerly but sweetly. Her lips felt soft against yours, and you could taste the cookie dough you previously put on her lip. “I” kiss. “love” kiss. “you” kiss. “too” kiss.

It’s in these moments that you both feel like nothing in the world matters, except you two. Not work, not adepti or human matters, not anyone outside your shared home. It’s you and her, and the mutual love you share.

Childe

Waking up next to Childe is a rare occasion, reason why you cherish these moments with your soul.

You felt the first sun rays hit your face and started blinking, slowly opening your eyes as you yawned. You immediately noticed your lover next to you, the same first rays of sunlight hitting his face, but he didn’t seem to mind. He looked beautiful. Even with messy hair and his mouth slightly opened, he looked beautiful.

You didn’t want to wake him up, so you admired him until you couldn’t control yourself and started tracing your fingers across his cheek, jawline, lips. You counted the small freckles and moles that were on his face and neck, tracing and creating an imaginary constellation.

“How much longer until I get my morning kiss?” he muttered, eyes still closed but lifting up his hand to caress your bare thigh. “For how long have you been awake?” you asked, feeling guilty that you woke him up. “A while. Now kiss” he said, pouting. You moved your body closer to his, so now you were half on top of him, face only centimetres away. “Before or after I woke up?” you asked, smirking. “Green. Kiss me” he said, lifting up his hand to pull you in and finally kiss you. You giggled in the kiss, but quickly melted. His kisses always made you feel drunk, wanting more and more from him. The hand that was on your thigh managed to lift you up, so you were now on top of him, and you realized that he also wanted more from you.

But you felt like teasing him a little, so you sat up, straddling him. He chased your lips as soon as you moved your face away from his, and pouted. “Eager, are we?” you asked, letting out a short laugh. “It’s not my fault you look breathtaking in the mornings, love” he said, now sitting up and wrapping his arms around your waist, with you still on his lap.

“Kiss me again” he requested. “Okay” you said, getting closer to him again. He closed his eyes again, expecting to feel your lips again soon. But instead, you removed yourself from his grasp and stood up. “If you catch me”

The rest of the day was filled with kisses, desperate or soft, with or without intentions of something else. But the thing that remained in all of them, was the love that was transmitted from both sides.

[ansksosns]

Sealed Fates

This blog has no followers b u t this is my secret writing blog, where I have not posted any works....until now. 

Simps, I present to you; Tobirama Senju. 

Part 2 can be found here!

Word count: 3023

You burst through his office doors, not bothering to knock or give any announcement of your arrival to his household despite the late hour. You knew he wasn’t asleep; the man only slept when exhaustion won the battle against his mind and body.

Surely enough, there he sat at his oak desk, gracing you with a rare display of surprise upon his face.

“Tobirama Senju.” You growl, gritting your teeth.

He quickly collects himself, his surprised expression disappearing as though it was never there. He now looks tired—How many days has it been since he truly slept?

“I do not recall inviting you into my home.” He says pointedly, as his eyes fall back on to the papers in front of him. He begins scribbling on them, probably updating notes on the newest jutsu he’d created.

His lack of urgency towards you only makes you more annoyed; you thought the two of you were finally getting somewhere, after Tobirama saved your life from the clutches of death a mere month ago. You quickly learned that you were wrong, as he became more reclusive than ever following your discharge from the hospital.

You had every intention on broaching this topic with him in a professional manner, even going so far as to schedule a meeting with him—a meeting, with the man you served as some sort of assistant for a better part of your career as a shinobi.

All formalities went out the window when you quickly caught a glimpse of a very specific marking on the small of your back; one you knew quite well, but had no recollection of getting.

“How long have you had the seal on me?” You bark, taking one step closer to his desk.

He stops scribbling for a moment, considering your words carefully.

You don’t give him a chance to defend himself. “At what point did you decide to brand me with your jutsu?”

You take another step closer to him, and slam your hands down on the desk to get his undivided attention. You won’t let him get away with this without some sort of consequence; he may be above you in the world of shinobi, but he was not above you as a human being. It is time he was reminded of that.

Tobirama gives you a low sigh and then sets his quill aside. He leans back in his chair, lacing his fingers together in his lap. He looks at you with narrowed eyes, silently telling you to tread carefully as you speak. You ignore his warning, and more forward with your wrath.

“I have given you more than adequate work; I’ve dedicated my entire life to yours and Hashirama’s dream for this village. I have fought beside you, and for you without ever asking for anything in return.”

You notice your arms have begun to shake, so you grip the edge of the desk to stop yourself. Tobirama’s eyes have not left yours since he looked up at you, and you find yourself suddenly wishing he would look away. His stare is penetrating; making you feel as though he sees right into your very being.

Despite this, you continue with your rant. “Using this seal to spy on me, whenever, wherever you want—that is your payment to my loyalty, my blood, sweat, and tears?”

Your voice is bordering on shrill as you speak. Tears threaten to spill over your eyes, and you curse yourself for such a display of weakness in front of Tobirama.

“I have forgiven you for many, many, unspeakable things, Tobirama, but this crosses the line.”

He scoffs at you, while giving you a heated glare.

“You think I would place the Hiraishin seal on you with malicious intent?” He asks in disbelief.

His voice is lower than usual, cloaked in anger, as though he is offended by the accusations you are making against him.

You give him a humourless chuckle, “You would do anything if it meant furthering your goals.” You spit back at him.

You can feel the pressure of your chakra rising in the air around you, as you find yourself getting more and more upset with the man in front of you, and for once you think you will get the better of this stubborn man. Of course, he is one always one step ahead of you—his significantly more powerful chakra is threatening to squash yours as soon as the words are leaving your mouth.

Though you know it is a losing battle, you do not back down.

“I will not be insulted in my own home.” He states.

You’ve never seen him this angry before; not even with Madara. You have seen a lot of Tobirama over the years—one would argue that, aside from Hashirama, you know the younger Senju brother better than anyone. This anger you are seeing is entirely new to you though, and if it was not for the rage that burned within your soul, you might have even felt bad for invoking it.

“I will not be disrespected—not by you, or anyone else.” You reply, leaning into his personal space.

You have known Tobirama for too long; you know how to play to his weakness’. The pressure from your chakra, though significantly weaker than his, mixed with a newfound rage, and your close proximity, should be more than his sensory skills can handle at the moment. It would throw him off, and that is what you need right now to get a win.

“I will not tolerate being berated by an insolent girl, on a subject she knows nothing of.”

He surprises you by moving himself forward, sharing a space with you without a second thought. You are eye to eye now, his piercing gaze striking through you that much more. Your chakra’s shove against each other, battling for dominance.

You wonder why he doesn’t just end it; he is more than capable of doing so. Why drag it out for longer than necessary, especially when it is causing this much anger inside of him?

“This is my body, Tobirama!” You snap. “You do not get a say in this, no matter your excuse!”

Your proximity does not bother him, and it annoys you greatly. Even when you have the confidence to be this close to him; to challenge him—he is throwing you through another loop. When will you ever win with him?

You grit your teeth, breathing slightly heavier than you would normally. You continue to hold his gaze, though you feel like it is killing you from the inside out to keep doing so. You can’t back down from him this time; Tobirama has long ruled over your heart and mind far too easily. Now was a better time than any to prove to yourself that you can no longer be easily swayed by the younger Senju brother.

Tobirama narrows his eyes at you, lifting himself from his chair, pushing you out of his space with the sheer force and pressure of his chakra. You stumble backwards a bit, your stance falters for a moment as you are in awe of the raw power he possesses. You do not see it often, as he makes sure his power is stored away for only those who deserve it.

For a moment, you think you have gone too far.

You quickly regain your composure, and use your chakra to force his right back at him. His lips twitch upwards slightly, like a smirk was threatening to pull at the corners of them.

Was he...enjoying this?

It is gone as quickly as it appeared. You convince yourself that you imagined it.

“That seal saved your life.” Tobirama argues. He rounds the desk quickly, leaving you with no time to move with him before he has you trapped against the desk, facing him.

He leaves enough room for you to escape, if you feel the need to but you know you won’t. You are aware of what he is doing—forcing your hand to make you submit to him in this argument. He’d done it time and time again, though never with malice. Tobirama has spent his life being in command, never one to give up the control unless absolutely necessary. He understands that the presence of his chakra is intimidating, and he often uses that to his advantage. Clearly though, he has yet to realize that the threat of his chakra doesn’t work on you anymore.

“I don’t care.” You respond, your grasp on the desk behind you causing your knuckles to turn white. “I’ll never be able to remove it. I’m tethered to you for the rest of my life.”

You don’t mean for your words to sound so delicate, as though they were a confession of your soul. It doesn’t particularly bother you, because you have no intent on leaving his side any time soon, but your poor choice of words change the nature of the argument to an area you did not prepare yourself for.

Tobirama’s chakra stutters before the pressure of it dies off completely. Your own chakra is now powerful against him, causing it to forcibly push him away from you.

He is no longer glaring at you, but staring at you with eyes wide, and a slack jaw.

Perhaps your words affect him more than you can comprehend.

You retract your looming chakra, and step towards him, but he takes one step back for each foot you move forward. He is quick to hide his emotions again, replacing the softness he held in his eyes for you with a drawn out and irritated sigh. With closed eyes, he turns away from you.

You watch in complete disbelief. Tobirama Senju has just backed down from you; he submitted, and in turn, admitted to his defeat. You did not expect this from him.

You open your mouth to speak, but the lax of his shoulders stops you.

“I thought of it as a means to protect you.” Tobirama says gently. There is no trace of anger, or annoyance in his tone anymore.

You feel your resolve crumble at his tone, and your heartbeat doubles in the confines of your ribcage.

You hate this.

You hate how he renders you like this so easily.

His hands ball into fists at his sides as he lets his words hang in the air, allowing you the time to process them.

“You do not need to protect me, Tobirama; You have so much more to take care of in the village. You should have complete faith in my abilities as a shinobi to take care of myself.”

He scoffs loudly at your words, and shakes his head from side to side but he refuses to look at you.

You want to question him—make him tell you out right that he doubts your skills and has no faith in you at all; that your stint in the hospital and him saving your life were all the signs he needed to change his mind about you.

But seeing him this way leaves you with no other choice other than waiting it out.

Minutes pass as you both stand there in silence. Tobirama is seemingly struggling to find the words he has been looking for, and you are just waiting for him to speak them. You decided that one way or another, the two of you would settle whatever this is before either of you leave the room.

You only hope it won’t end with him saying all the things you can’t bear to hear; such as how useless you are, or how much he doesn’t need you anymore.

If that is what it came to though, so be it. If it meant sorting this out, you would take his words with your head held high.

You rest your hips against the desk, folding your arms over your chest.

“Tobi,” You say gently, to serve as a reminder that you were still here with him. You know, of course, that he can’t forget that; he is especially strong with his sensory skills—almost always aware of everything around him without meaning to be.

He turns to you and your breath catches in your throat. He looks utterly defeated and exhausted. His hard, pensive gaze turned in for a much softer one and lips parted slightly. The tension in his forehead usually caused by having his brows knitted together in concentration is gone, and it makes him look much younger.

Tobirama was either always dressed in his armour, or kimonos since they had established the village; it helped maintain an almost royal like status to the clans who joined the founding of Konoha.

But he is just a man—still so young. War often aged people much further along than they really are; something you often forgot.

You find yourself then wishing, if only for just a moment, that you can take it all back. You wish you were easier on Tobirama, and gave him more of the support he needs without question.

But you knew, as Madara once said, Tobirama Senju will always listen to you. Though you would never take credit for the accomplishments he succeeds in, you are aware that you have an influence on decisions he makes from time to time. The two of you are a team, always; even in your stubbornness and anger, you worked together like it was second nature to you both.

Damn him for doing this to you. Damn him all to hell.

“I have lost almost everyone I have ever loved.”

He says it slowly and carefully as though he is not sure if the words will scare you away.

He takes one step closer to you, and stops as though he is unsure of what to do. Words bubble in your throat, but no matter how much you will them from yourself, they do not come out.

“I refuse to lose you, too.”

The words are spoken so quietly, but they ring loud and clear in your mind. The doubling of your heartbeat from earlier now tripled as his voice echoes off the walls of your brain. It’s just like him to confess such a thing behind a wall of pride, but the fact that he said it at all meant that he is serious.

Your balance on the desk gives out, and you quickly slam your hands into it to catch yourself from falling completely. Tobirama steps closer to you, his eyes searching your entire self, up and down. The words are caught on your tongue; a lump forming at the base of your throat prevents you from breathing.

Tobirama’s voice fills the silence. “Putting the seal on you without your knowledge was wrong, I will admit that much.”

He sounds stronger now, more determined than you have ever heard him before.

He takes one more step closer to you. Your knees grow weak.

“But it was the easiest decision I have ever made. I will continue to stand by that decision until my very last breath, even if it means you hate me for it.”

Those words manage to snap her out of her dream like state. Does he think getting rid of you will be so easy? It is just like him to do something like this—damn him. This all could have been avoided if the two of you had just told each other sooner.

You lean forward, slowly raising your hand to the side of his face. You give him ample time and room to inch away from your contact if he wants to, but he does not move. You cradle his cheek in your palm, fingers hooking behind his ear, thumb gingerly brushing against his cheek bone.

It is to your surprise that he leans in to your touch, and closes his eyes. Your heart pulls in your chest.

“I could never hate you, Tobi.” You say softly.

This is the truth; no matter how idiotic he is, the harder he pushes you away, giving you the Hiraishin seal—you could never hate Tobirama Senju.

“I am tethered to you for the rest of my life,” You repeat. In a moment of boldness, you grab one of his hands and slowly drag it to settle on the seal that is placed on the small of your back. You hear his breath catch.

“—By something much stronger than this seal.”

You love him, more than he will ever truly know.

You ghost your lips over his, waiting for the moment he will push you away, but it never comes. His grasp on you only tightens as he pulls you flush against him, capturing your lips in his.

He is soft, at first; gentle with you as he engulfs your body in his arms. The palm you had on his cheek slides down to his neck, lazily clinging to the ends of his hair.

You both pull away, only leaving a breath of space between the two of you. Your eyes meet briefly, before he is on you again, kissing you harder than before, with a certain finality burning through. You only return the kiss with as much passion, scared that Tobirama will be gone the moment you stop.

You pull him closer; he grabs you by your hips with a bruising force, walking you backwards into the desk before lifting you with ease to sit upon the edge of it. He kisses you harder than the other times, rutting himself between your legs.

It is all lips, teeth and tongue with the two of you; low and heady sighs escaping your mouth when he pulls away from you, leaving trails of kisses and bites down the side of your neck. Gasps leave you and you encircle your legs around him, securing him to you. Hands tugging at his hair, causing salacious groans to seep through his tentative mouth.

You say his name sinfully, and before you can register his firm grasp on you, he is lifting you up off the desk, and moving you from the office, to his bed room.

[jamiebenoitstec]

Fucking ‘round with fakies

These are the symptoms of breast implant illness, a disease that is not yet recognized by doctors:

Joint pain.

Muscle pain.

Muscle weakness (myopathy)

Anxiety and depression.

Brain fog.

Fatigue.

Memory loss.

Trouble concentrating

Autoimmune condition symptoms or diagnosis

Chronic pain.

Dry eyes or low vision.

Hair loss.

Skin problems such as rashes

These are the side effects of Anastrozole, a cancer drug I took for ten years, and just ceased in October:

Blurred vision

bone pain

chest pain or discomfort

dizziness

headache

nervousness

pounding in the ears

slow or fast heartbeat

swelling of the feet or lower legs

These are the symptoms of ‘chemo brain’, which may or may not be a ‘legitimate’ medical issue:

Being unusually disorganized

Confusion

Difficulty concentrating

Difficulty finding the right word

Difficulty learning new skills

Difficulty multitasking

Feeling of mental fogginess

Short attention span

Short-term memory problems

Taking longer than usual to complete routine tasks

Trouble with verbal memory, such as remembering a conversation

Trouble with visual memory, such as recalling an image or list of words

During the last ten years of being a cancer patient, going through chemo, having numerous implants, and being on cancer drugs, I’ve experienced more of these than not. But what’s real? What is a real symptom of an underlying condition, and what’s just being a 40something in a cold climate with a familial history of depression and anxiety? What can I blame on cancer and what can I blame on being a human being in late stage capitalism?

I don’t purport to have breast implant illness. But I absolutely dislike my implants and the look of my ‘breasts’. They are weird and asymmetrical, and the radiated side is always tight and mildly painful. I was toying with the idea of removing them, and discussed it with my husband. Then the very next day the FDA released findings about a rare but possible cancer link. And that clinched it. Time to stop fucking ‘round with fakies.

I have a date for surgery. On November 28 I’ll be removing these implants and will hopefully achieve what is called ‘aesthetic flat closure’. This means I will have a flat chest, without concaves or strange lumps of skin. This might not be achievable with only one surgery, but usually takes no more than two.

And that’s key to me. I am 45 years old. I want to be done. I don’t want to swap out implants into my golden years. I don’t want to chase after some ideal body type; I certainly am not a ‘plastic surgery’ person. I would rather be in a body that was atypical in appearance and healthy, than have a nice rack and live in fear of more disease.

So, I am resurrecting this blog to start on the next part of my ‘cancer journey’. I am going flat.

I was fortunate to get a surgery date so soon. If I didn’t take that slot, I would be looking at May. In May I want to be flat, and training for another race, and planning for fun tattoos on my new chest, and to be shocking my neighborhood by mowing the lawn shirtless.

On to the next big thing. 

[promptprophet]

Welcome back

I am not dead, although I am ready to throw down. Okay so there is a lot under the cut, but by every star in the sky I have been gone from all of my blogs for a while due to some roccuring issues. If any follow my main at @prophet-rebellion then you may have noticed that.

Some pro-tips:

1. Do not attend a gathering with family that does not believe in Covid. Because if they are anything like mine, someone will tell them they tested positive, your Uncle will encourage them to come anyways and not tell a single other person - and then, surprise surprise, everyone ends up with Covid.

2. Do not let your advisor plan your schedule entirely. Even if they are the Dean of your department. Because if they are still like mine, they will give you six classes. Which would not be an issue of 18 credit hours if it were not for the fact that 5 or the 6 are writing enriched. The only one that it not is math-based which is not my strong suite anyways.

But, in other news - I took a toll for the worst at one point. It has since gotten better. Granted, I had to be the biggest pain-in-the-ass to the campus physiatrist because he wanted to revoke some of my medication. Just because I am somehow making all As for the moment does NOT mean that I do not need my ADHD medication.

Speaking of! Yours truly got formally diagnosed with combination ADHD, depression, and anxiety. And after a lot of trial and error, we have found a medication and dosage that actually helps with the latter two! ADHD is still a work in progress because he is fighting me on it. He also doesn’t want me taking my meds unless I have a face-to-face class that day - as if it is some 9-5 weekdays only issue and I do not have class outside of those times, or online ones. But! A work in progress!

Also, Covid gave me the perfect chance to drop an incredibly toxic group of people in my life. One one hand, my mental health is so much better for it, and so is my own sense of self worth. On the other, it is definitely hard to do and hard to adjust to suddenly losing so many people. But I have reconnected with my 14 year old sister for the first time in 5 years - she wants to have lunch. Which is nice considering I have no spoken to my sisters in 5 years for her, 6 years for the older one (the middle). And I am also trying to reach out to my brothers more. It is interesting, because I did not know them until later. I am the oldest out of 5, 2 half-sisters of my mom’s side, 2 half-brothers on my dads, ironically enough.

I am also seeking out a competent doctor even with Medicaid, because I know need two more surgeries. This will make surgeries 4 and 5. It should have been 2 at most. But 5? And that is minimum, not counting if anything goes wrong again. It is taking longer, because I refuse to see my prior surgeon, and the only opening this past winter break as when I had to have my wisdom teeth removed, so, that did not happen.

Given circumstance I have managed to find a place to stay during breaks. Which is great because as some of you may recall I was kicked out after I turned 18 in 2019, and the room I rented over that summer was terrible (maybe leaving a known alcoholic with no regard for privacy alone with a just then 18 year old girl is a bad idea - if the number of times he barged into my room unannounced to try and get me to drink with him was anything to go by), but it was so my parents could travel full-time. Which, they are doing now and I am happy for them because my mom has 10 years maximum if she is lucky before needing oxygen (Smokers Lung), and my dad is dealing with medical injuries he got while serving - they discharged him because they would never heal right.

I have also picked back up with my job on my college campus! So money! And have secured a much better paying job over break than my McDonalds job, meaning I am not so hard pressed for cash. Which is also great because the last week of summer I had to dish out $2500 for my truck after it broke down in Tennessee and we had to get towed back to North Carolina.

So! Down to business! Now that I know what was wrong with me, and I no longer have issues with suicide, I’m on medication, and last semester I had a therapist that was a major help to me. I am actually in a better spot to be here. It has certainly taken a lot of work, and 2020-21 has thrown just about everything that it seems to have been able and hell, I am still looking for a third job.

Speaking of, god damn, the commissions! Jesus H. Christ, I wanted those done by January! And it’s March! Although I have been making progress on them, that is absolutely true - I am working on them a bit oddly though, switching between which ones I do to try and stop burn out and also because I was not drawing while mentally at my lowest. So to anyone who commissioned me who may not be looking at those messages, but sees this, I am sorry, they are being worked on. And I understand this is a ridiculous amount of time to wait for them and thank you all for being so patient.

I have also been considering if it is a good choice for me to come back to this page, and yes, I think that it is. Having something that I do every day has proven to be very helpful, and the amount of joy and love I have for these pages and the followers on them is immense. I was trying to clear out storage on my phone and I have an album just of prompts or asks that you guys have sent that continue to make my day. It really does mean the world to me.

I cannot be too sure if many have noticed my absence, if Prompt Guy did either. But I am stopping it now. I am finally in a good place. And yeah, I have a lot to do still - if all goes according to plan then I graduate next year. So after this I only have two more semesters before I graduate with my Bachelors in Business, with a focus on Entrepreneurship at the age of 20. And I better because I cannot afford to be in college much longer. I want to be back here, and return to my regular postings and interactions. I am getting those commissions done no matter what - that is a constant guilt over my head. Trust me, I know that it is there. I know. But I joined as an admin because I had followed this page the day it was created. And then I saw it had gone dead with no posts, so I applied as an admin. I got it. And things went very well. Well, I intend to hold back to what I wanted when I was first on this page, bringing it back to consistent postings for everyone.

I am here. I am back. And I am staying.

Also, I apologize if there are any typos, I have been doing a lot or writing for homework and personal work (trying to stop burn out and the threat of school ending my love to write) and my eyes have been strained the last few days, so everything is a bit fuzzy. Speaking of fuzzy! Turns out I needed glasses! So I have glasses now!

Yours truly, Prompt Prophet