#but this is a sex comedy so everybodys fucking somehow
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I watched the sex in the city ep about threesomes last night and everybody said it like "do a threesome" in the 90s in nyc on tv
#im actually thrilled to see this content after my sheltered childhood personal experience#of the 90s#yeah i dont think i wouldve fit in that world it was very cishet but i certainly love to#watch samanthas adventures#soooo sad she and carrie werent really a thing#i love how deeply mean every character sort of is#also a big fan of the 4th wall breaks#and any time charlotte gets a lil freaky bc she's only so modest in context#but this is a sex comedy so everybodys fucking somehow#also im certain tv nyc and real nyc were different#i just have 0 connection to it myself due to my familys not having much to do with it#thats also kind of exciting like yeah ik this continent but mostly the cities are strangers and ive only seen them in passing or on screen#is the rent always too gotdam high? is it hard to connect to others? are protests basically a constant bc it's the seat of power?#anyway some of these questions may be addressed but it would mean the world for me if the girls were gay#wax posts
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black monday sentence starters. season one.
‘ wear this. for good luck on your interviews. ’
‘ you be sure to tell (name) that i knocked the glaze off the donut. ’
‘ want to do some cocaine ? ’
‘ i’m really surprised a ladies’ man such as yourself doesn’t know his cups. these are c’s, baby. ’
‘ i was born in a toilet and left on the stairs of a church. ’
‘ i woke up in a $1,500 a night fuck pad after a $5,000 park avenue fuck-a-thon. ’
‘ get the fuck out of my face. ’
‘ god chose me to choose you. ‘
‘ i’m gonna take us to the promise land. ’
‘ happy birthday. i know it’s the same shit every year, but what do you get the guy who has everything, right ? ’
‘ scusi ! i seem to have come down with a bad case of the first days. ’
‘ i may have picked the wrong career. ’
‘ joking’s kind of my strong suit. ’
‘ what are my weakness ? that’s a great question. i can only think of three: caring too much, working too hard, and caring too much. and i just repeated myself, so that’s four weaknesses, ‘cause that’s a repeating weakness. ’
‘ wait, now i forget, which one of you is a virgin and which one of you ain’t ever been laid before ? ’
‘ why don’t you two stop fucking each other for five minutes ? ’
‘ you’re making us late for our stand up comedy class. ’
‘ this is your thing, i don’t wanna do the talking at the same time. ’
‘ go out and buy yourself something really expensive, because we got a lot to celebrate tonight. a lot. ’
‘ between you and me, i’m kinda hot on the street. ’
‘ i’m willing to lose a million a day to prevent her from ever being employed for the rest of her natural or unnatural fucking life, whichever comes first. ’
‘ are you calling me a fucking coke head ? ’
‘ by the way, you got a chick’s name. ’
‘ are we talking house money or summer-house money ? ’
‘ remember that screenplay i wrote in college ? hear me out. what if we go to l.a.--- ‘
‘ but you know what ? we don’t need money to be happy. ’
‘ should we have sex really quick ? because i am super jazzed. ’
‘ you’re the motherfucker that ruined my life. ’
‘ shut the fuck up. you think you scare me ? my dad beat me everyday of my life until he died. ’
‘ he literally died of a heart attack while beating me. ’
‘ why do you want a shitty honda ? ’
‘ that’s a lot of blood for a little guy. ’
‘ you’re the worst trader in manhattan since the indians. ’
‘ never walk away from a dollar that makes sense. ’
‘ i’m sorry i was so hard on you today. i just. . . you know, i just want you to be okay. ’
‘ i remember when your birthday used to be just sticking a candle in some apple pie. ’
‘ thanks, dick. ’
‘ so what was the plan ? you were gonna land a big, juicy job and then run over there and propose to her ? ’
‘ if you don’t do this, you’re going to regret it for the rest of your life. ’
‘ you didn’t do so bad today. ’
‘ you know, nobody’s yelled at me like that since 1973. ’
‘ i would love to fuck with you. ’
‘ you know, let’s just go home. i’m beat. ’
‘ i don’t care what anybody says, okay ? al pacino’s performance in scarface was bad. ’
‘ while nancy reagan is telling everybody that aids is no big whoop, i went long on condoms because i knew that shit had legs. ’
‘ i think the word for that is i’m a fucking genius. ’
‘ i'm engaged. and also a good person. . . . that didn’t come out right. ’
‘ he is gonna smack the handsome off that kid. ’
‘ i get it. haze the new guy. just like a cappella camp. ’
‘ you call this hazing ? tell it to my frat brother next time you’re in heaven. ’
‘ hey, (name) ! i need you to suck my dick ! ’
‘ i thought we stopped having sex when i dumped your ass, but somehow you’re still fucking me. ’
‘ go cry in a stall or something, okay ? this is a place of business. ’
‘ this guy can’t even get pranked right, he’s a fucking idiot ! ’
‘ . . . but that’s insider trading. ’
‘ i didn’t even know this day could get any fucking better ! ’
‘ i mean, you could call it a dog-shit stock, or i could call your wife and tell her all about that trip you and your nanny took down to sunny bora-bortion, you remember that ? ’
‘ need ? i did not say the n-word. ’
‘ consider it my apology. ’
‘ i didn’t hate your plan. i hated that you didn’t tell me. ’
‘ yeah, they’ll fuck you, but they’re not gonna hire you. ’
‘ you need me, (name). it’s okay to say it. ’
‘ so ? that’s unethical ! but maybe the guy making holocaust jokes maybe wouldn’t understand that. ’
‘ before you judge me, marriage is a marathon. you’ll see. ’
‘ really ? that’s your fucking closer after blowing up my life ? ’
‘ how’s the jizz biz, kid ? hey, you got carpal tunnel yet ? ‘
‘ good lord, are you trying to hide behind a lamp ? ’
‘ don’t you remember when you used to be me ? uncorrupted ? ’
‘ isn’t that the kind of tortured hero shit you guys jack off to ? ’
‘ i’m as good at pulling out as mohammad ali is at boxing. ’
‘ i wanna form a father-son relationship with him so i can get close enough to stab him in the back. ’
‘ why can’t you just jerk off like a regular guy ? ’
‘ parenting is just like dating, but with no sex. ’
‘ everyone i love is dead. ’
‘ i’m not even a citizen, i think, so. . . ’
‘ the guy’s unhinged, i walked in the other day to him masturbating to hockey’s hardest hits volume three. ’
‘ i should be more like you: bitchy. ’
‘ i look forward to seeing you all day long tomorrow. you and me, holding hands, watching our boy become a bar mitzvah. ’
‘ you aren’t the other man. you are the only man, okay ? ’
‘ i hate when you call them mom and dad. it feels incesty. ’
‘ this is the hottest ticket in town, and we got killer seats. ’
‘ i never even open a menu. i just order the most expensive shit, you know ? keeps it exciting. ’
‘ i prefer my ground beef cooked and with cheese and on a bun. ’
‘ i’m from a town with one restaurant. this world, it’s very overwhelming to me. ’
‘ i kind of grew up like you, you know ? but instead of one restaurant, i had no parents. ’
‘ i wanna share everything with you: a place in chelsea, a portmanteau. ’
‘ don’t you want to be happy ? ’
‘ i am happy. i fucking love my family. what, do you want me to leave them for you ? for sex ? ’
‘ i’ll give you something to blow on. ’
‘ of course i know dolly parton, who do you think bought her those cans ? . . . i’m joking, god did. ’
‘ don’t throw the whole baby out with the bathwater. ’
‘ real money is honest money, okay ? ’
‘ i don’t get it. you just said you were proud of me. ’
‘ don’t bring your mother’s porn into this. ’
‘ most of the time, i just walk around that office feeling like one of those chickens my dad used to make me cut the head off of. ’
‘ should i try some ? ’
‘ you don’t know what i can handle. ’
‘ i feel more successful already. ’
‘ the moon is so much brighter when you’re on cocaine. ’
‘ have you ever had sex with a guy with a huge promotion ? ’
‘ i would rather fuck my father. my mom too. ’
‘ you listen to me, (name). you’re going to prison. maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday, and probably for the rest of your life. and i’m not going to let you take me and our beautiful family down with you. ’
‘ i’d know those legs anywhere. ’
‘ you are the only person in my life that i can’t live without. ’
‘ this might be the cocaine talking, but can we get some more cocaine ? ’
‘ is this a child wedding ? ’
‘ i’m not getting a real ‘i’ve made a huge mistake and i’m rushing back to my fiance’ vibe off him. ’
‘ he’s just making cash for the first time. i mean, you remember the moneymoon phase. ’
‘ he’ll get sick of this shit. ’
‘ it’s like when they caught me smoking. they locked me in the closet, they made me smoke a whole carton of cigarettes until i didn’t want another cigarette as long as i live. ’
‘ fuck that bitch. ’
‘ the guy will do anything for a buck. ’
‘ let’s just talk to the kid about the power of love. ’
‘ it’s so weird calling a chick a boss. it’s the weirdest thing that’s ever happened to me. ’
‘ is it me, or is he getting weirder ? ’
‘ it’s so cool you live in a hotel. you’re like eloise. ’
‘ how are you ? i can’t imagine how hard it must be to be apart from the love of your life. ’
‘ sometimes it’s brave to be alone. instead of, you know, settling for the first lame-ass doctor that you lay eyes on that satisfies your parents but not you. ’
‘ and word on the street ? this guy is hung like a hose. '
‘ i mean, i know i broke up with her, but i didn’t expect this this soon. ’
‘ hey, bring us a bottle of wine, yeah ? ’
‘ i thought we were gonna get busy. ’
‘ i’m so full, i can hardly move. but you can do stuff to me if you’d like. ’
‘ maybe i’d loosen up if we’d have sex again. yeah, then we can clean up all the laundry that we knocked over when we had sex in the hall. ’
‘ how’d she meet someone so fast ? ’
‘ it’s a sit-com that takes place in a nazi concentration camp. ’
‘ you look incredible ! ’
‘ i haven’t acted since college. and the upenn gezette called my performance as otto frank the worst thing to happen to anne frank. ’
‘ hey, honey. listen, i’m not comin’ home. but i wanna let you know i’ve never loved anyone as much as i loved your sister. ’
‘ you were right, i fucked your sister ! ’
‘ was it just me or was that movie about racism really, really racist ? ’
‘ i just wanted to say you’re a piece of shit and i’ve always hated you. ’
‘ i know it didn’t work, but honeypot or not, i had a really great time tonight. ’
‘ i don’t want things to be awkward between us, (name), and i’m hoping that eventually you and i could be friends. ’
‘ for once in my life, i need to focus on myself. ’
‘ tell me that you just brought (name) here to make me jealous. ’
‘ oh my god, she’s so hot. a part of me didn’t know whether i should be jealous of her or of you.’
‘ i didn’t want to disappoint you, and honestly sometimes you can be a bit scary. ’
‘ that was a long time ago. and remember ? i’m kinda married. ’
‘ this thing’s bad luck. ever since i put it on you, it’s kicked off a series of disastrous events, okay ? this thing is cursed. ’
‘ now i see where this guy gets his fashion sense from. ’
‘ i feel like i’m lucy, you know, and the football ? or. . . maybe i’m charlie brown. i don’t know. or maybe i’m the football. ’
‘ this is supposed to be one of the most romantic spots in the city. ’
‘ show us your tits ! ’
‘ she’s got me on a strict wedding diet of maltodextrin, carrageenan, and phosphates. ’
‘ was it just me or was that meeting really odd ? ’
‘ it sucks. i mean, soon we’re not even gonna be able to flirt. ’
‘ it was just a drunken accident. just like my little brother. ’
‘ you kissed your brother too ? ’
‘ my parents thought they were done having kids, and then they were using the rhythm method and somebody got off beat. ’
‘ is that what i think it is ? i’m legitimately asking that question because i did not understand that. ’
‘ what are you chicks squealing about ? ’
‘ this guy is like the willy wonka of money ! ’
‘ he’s getting a pube to big for his briefs and i know just the guy to take him down. ’
‘ listen up, motherfuckers ! i am your god now ! ’
‘ this weekend is not about work, okay ? ’
‘ pick a menu. any menu. or we could live dangerously and play a little take out roulette. ’
‘ have fun, enjoy yourself ! try not to die ! ’
‘ he was a leo, i’m a cancer, so we were incompatible. ’
‘ i know how women work. i know women stuff, i have amazing women’s intuition. ’
‘ why do you let them bully you ? ’
‘ i know you don’t have a lot of work experience, but there is a chain of command that needs to be respected. ’
‘ and then afterwards, we’re gonna go home, and i’m gonna twist you into a hot pretzel and inject you with my nacho ch--- i’m sorry. ’
‘ i can’t stand these evil twinkies. ’
‘ the only reason we’re here is because they need a sucker. ’
‘ trust me. they are going to fuck us, okay ? ’
' i don’t know how they do their milk here, but i love it. ’
‘ he hates you, you hate him. i hate that i love your outfits. ’
‘ look, the only thing that he has ever been right about is that we would never do a deal that doesn’t fuck him like a brother. ’
‘ our reservation was an hour ago. ’
‘ i’m going to count to three. one. . . two. . . oh my god, you are fucked. two and a half ! ’
‘ so, good news, bad news. um, i finally got rid of that tie you hated, but it kind of broke the shredder in the process. ’
‘ i’m sorry i ruined our weekend. ’
‘ (name), i am obsessed with you. ’
‘ from now on, no one’s pushing me around. except for you. you can push my ass around. ’
‘ you’re a smart woman, which we would normally find repulsive, but we’d be willing to overlook that for money. ’
‘ six months, tops. he’ll be broke, in jail, dead, or all three. ’
‘ i mean, it should be the rush of my life, right ? but i’m. . . i’m distracted. i keep losing focus. ’
‘ i lived my whole life like that. money over everything and everyone. and look where i am now. ’
‘ are you telling me that after all these years, now you’re saying that money doesn’t matter, that it’s all about love ? ‘
‘ you’re dumb. that’s it, i just figured it out: you’re fucking dumb. ’
‘ everything i am, was, will be is about money. ’
‘ no one gives a shit about you. except yourself. ’
‘ you know what you can do ? get us a case of whiskey older than i am. you and i will ��drink this pathetic bitch out of your head. ’
‘ that was cool. you just touched me and you meant it. i love that. ’
‘ tell me the truth. i’m the first visitor he’s had in months, right ? ‘
‘ you’re my partner, and i’m sorry if i haven’t always treated you that way. you deserve better. ’
‘ i trust you and i hope someday you’ll be able to trust me again. ’
‘ your days of bullying me for no reason are over, alright ? ’
‘ i don’t want to use that information against you, but if you don’t stop fucking with me, i will tell everyone, and i’ll start with your family. maybe your kids first. ’
‘ that’s fucking rich, coming from you. ’
‘ when you didn’t show up, it just reminded me of all the times you let me down, and so i got drunk and stupid. ’
‘ how the fuck could you be so fucking stupid ? ’
‘ oh my god, that’s a dead body ! what the fuck did you do ? ’
‘ i'm so overwhelmed. i mean, we don’t even have a honeymoon spot. ’
‘ well, i’ve only been on a plane twice, so they all sound exciting. ’
‘ i want a honeymoon place that is so exotic and so special that none of my friends have been there, like a country that’s just been overthrown. ’
‘ favorite colors can change. from now on, mine is. . . gunmetal gray. or camo. ’
‘ i haven’t eaten in four days, but you know what ? i’m gonna make an exception for tonight. ’
‘ oh mama, i’m gonna force myself on that fucking cake. ’
‘ that’s a scary way to phrase that. ’
‘ you’re a gay. it’s so obvious. ’
‘ uh, it’s not obvious to me ! ’
‘ it’s pronounced uruguay. ’
‘ hey, listen, speaking of using condoms, what do you say we. . . stop using condoms ? ’
‘ i’m sorry i get all weird about this stuff. ’
‘ i’m so ready. i’m gonna call my mom. ’
‘ hold on, i know i’m cute, but i’m still a he. ’
‘ what am i ? a fucking teacher ? ’
‘ what is this, open mic night ? shut the fuck up. ’
‘ you were right. picking stocks is a lot easier when you already know what’s gonna happen. ’
‘ what the fuck has been up with you ? you’ve just--- you’ve been, uh, nice. ’
‘ suck my dick. . . oh, and that’s a figure of speech, not an invitation. ’
‘ i hope you’re right, because trust me, you don’t wanna be me. ’
‘ i’m so excited for our family road trip ! in just six short hours, we’ll be making smores and memories. ’
‘ i’m a serial killer ? you’re drinking a blizzard next to a fucking dead person. ’
‘ are you okay ? i mean, you didn’t even dump any fruit punch in that vodka. ’
‘ at first i thought you said something that made me wanna stab you. ’
‘ or, we skip your place just come back to my place, and have some gay sex. ’
‘ why don’t you shut your faces, you fucking whores ? ’
‘ you’re so smart and so together, and i trust you more than i trust myself right now. ’
‘ while you’ve been in here getting shit-faced, our reputation’s out there, getting butt-fucked in front of a live studio audience. ’
‘ i’m bad at parties. ’
‘ i tried everything to make this work because i love you. ’
‘ do you even want to get married ? huh ? ’
‘ payback’s a bitch, and i’m the son of one. ’
‘ you’re a winter, not a spring. ’
‘ oh my god, did you pierce your ear with your tie pin ? ’
‘ i’m really confused right now. ’
‘ a little white lie never hurt anybody. ’
‘ is nair supposed to burn my eyes from this distance ? ‘
‘ every newlywed’s parents buy them an apartment. duh. ’
‘ the only thing you should work on is letting yourself be happy. ’
‘ if you agree with all that, blink. ’
‘ we all have our hobbies. mine is astronomy, yours is lying to me. ’
‘ in what world is it okay to kidnap someone ? ’
‘ well, i’m sorry that i have a policy about never apologizing to white people. ’
‘ i hope you like your nothing burger with nothing on it, because this ? is nothing. ’
‘ no white dicks for me after labor day. ’
‘ call me ma’am again. i want you to. ’
‘ it’s not a fucking prank, okay ? ’
‘ please do not shoot my dumbass friend. ’
‘ come on, you got to try to sell that punch better. ’
‘ god’s a funny fuck, isn’t he ? ’
‘ oh my god, i guess that is super fucked up. ’
‘ we cheated death ! . . .what do we do now ? ’
‘ not to mention he was out all night with some prostitute, probably. ’
‘ haven’t you ever fallen out of love, (name) ? you know, you keep holding on, hoping to get that feeling back, but the tighter you grip it, the further away it gets. and then one day you wake up, and you’re two totally different people, and you wonder how you even got together in the first place. ’
‘ why are you so invested in my relationship ? ’
‘ when i said we were friends, that was true, i meant that, but the truth is, i’ve been playing you, kid. ’
‘ you’re gonna break her heart anyway. i mean, why not give her the wedding of her dreams first ? ’
‘ fuck you. i’m gonna tell (name) everything. ’
‘ she’s probably gonna die. ’
‘ i hate to ask this, but could (name) have done this ? ’
‘ he is crazy, but what would make you think he would kidnap a person ? ’
‘ are you okay ? i--- i wanna get into all of this with you. ’
‘ what do i tell the police when they ask me about him ? ’
‘ the police will think i’m involved because who would believe i had no clue for months ? i can’t go to prison. ’
‘ you can stay strong for nine hours, can’t you ? ’
‘ i don’t want to marry her, but that doesn’t mean i want her ripped into chunks. ’
‘ what’d you do, you crazy fuck ? ! ’
‘ i ain’t just talking the talk. you hear me ? ’
‘ extra, extra ! no one gives a shit about black folks ! ’
‘ i’m (name), and people call me. but only if they’re very lucky. ’
‘ (name) is a fighter. just ask the last delivery driver who forgot our duck sauce. ’
‘ what’s the age cut off for that milk carton thingy ? ’
‘ it could just be a classic new york snatch, kill, chop, and dump. ’
‘ don’t you have any clues other than bitch boy here ? ’
‘ let me just say, on the record, ew. ’
‘ i’m not sure a square like you could handle it. ’
‘ we were out partying last night and we got into this debate about who has the biggest balls on the street, which led to a dick-measuring contest, which led to a pissing contest, which led to a sword fight, which led to a cockfight, which led to me being up six grand. ’
‘ i have a charades party to get to, but i can’t until you start talking. ’
‘ i suppose (name) does have an undeniable raw sexuality, but i don’t know what that has to do with this. ’
‘ this is madness. the whole world’s gone upside-down and your solution is to make upside-down cake ? ’
‘ we couldn’t have gotten through this without money. ’
‘ no press is bad press. ’
‘ jesus. i guess i deserve that on some level, but jesus. ’
‘ can i get back to paying my respects ? ’
‘ did we kill that bottle ? ’
‘ i genuinely like the kid. i mean, we almost died together. that’s gotta count for something. ’
‘ he wasn’t gonna marry (name) because. . . well, because he’s in love with me. and i think that i am falling for him too. ’
' they say he wants my money, but he won't get shit. '
‘ can i get your autograph ? '
‘ i’m not afraid of love. i’m not ! ’
‘ i was gonna propose, okay ? i had the goddamn ring and everything. ’
' you want me to sign a prenup ? '
‘ if you wanna go, we can go. ’
‘ they don’t always leave with the ones they came in with. ’
‘ you’d have to be one dumb hick fuck to be messing around with your girlfriend when you’re about to marry someone else. ’
‘ fuck ‘em all. ’
‘ it doesn’t fucking matter ! ’
‘ you got some balls ? you fucking prove it ! ’
‘ he has treated you like a son ! sure, in the way that dads are super cold to their sons to try to get them to stop acting like such pussies, but still. '
‘ i’m pretty sure this wedding is fucked anyways. ’
‘ i think this wedding has been fucked for a long time. ’
‘ my plan did not involve you fucking him. ’
‘ thank god i didn’t propose to you. ’
‘ i should’ve known. maybe i sort of did. ’
‘ you are the smartest person i’ve ever known. ’
‘ i know this is a shame wedding, but i have been dreaming about this day since i was a little girl, so please, just give me this. ’
‘ are they dancing to the national anthem ? ’
‘ do republicans hate america ? because this is like a dance version of burning the flag. ’
‘ shut the fuck up. you know the saying isn’t an endless stream of bullshit and bad puns is the soul of wit, right ? ’
‘ you don’t wanna be my friend, don’t be my friend. who cares ? ’
‘ i knew you were full of shit, but i didn’t think you were all shit. ’
‘ wow. you really have crossed all the way over to the dark side. ’
‘ i learned it by watching you, dad. ’
‘ part of me wants to give you a big old hug. a bigger part of me wants to beat the dog shit out of you in front of all your friends and fake family. ’
‘ that’s cute, but this isn’t a negotiation. ’
‘ now if you’ll excuse me, i have to go do the fucking hokey-pokey. ’
‘ you’re a selfish piece of shit. ’
‘ i mean, this marriage has always been bullshit on some level anyway. ’
‘ just like theatre camp, i’m always getting fucked by gay guys. ’
‘ duh, (name)’s gay. my hubby likes chubby. ’
‘ these mind games that you’re pulling ? it’s getting sad. ’
‘ wanna commit a murder ? let’s do it, i’m in. ’
‘ yeah, of course (name)’s gay. i thought everyone knew that. ’
‘ maybe we just have better gay radar than you. ’
‘ i’m back, baby ! i gotta do some coke. ’
‘ why is he dating me ? ’
‘ i swear i’m gonna kill that motherfucker. ’
‘ now, i know i’ve been shitty to you in the past, and the recent past, and this morning, but it’s gotta be you and me now, okay ? together. ’
‘ how could i forget you ? you’re my first. and my wife. ’
‘ it’s okay to be confused. ’
‘ i do love you. ’
‘ oh, i need to say it too ? i thought it was implied. ’
‘ (name) was feeling all lovey dovey, you know ? kissing my neck and feeling me up, grabbing my--- ’
‘ i had to pretend i found a lump just so i could get out of there without punching him in his lying-ass face. ’
‘ i can’t believe that you didn’t know he was gay. ’
‘ you dated a girl for an entire year without realizing she was deaf ! ’
‘ can you believe it ? we got him trapped in a classic catch-69. ’
‘ i would have never got here without you. i can’t think of anybody i’d rather to celebrate with. ’
‘ if i don’t show, you better call the fucking morgue. ’
‘ it’s over, (name). you can never fix this. ’
‘ (name) is a piece of shit. and he’s not your friend. ’
‘ what has he ever done for you ? ’
‘ i gotta tell you, it’s been amazing to watch your evolution from punk-ass bitch to cold-ass mofo. ’
‘ wakey wakey, you fucking lightweight. ’
‘ you’re dead. welcome to hell ! ’
‘ i cried for the first time since reagan got shot and didn’t die. ’
‘ let’s all party until we die ! ’
‘ can i talk to you in private ? ’
‘ i’ll try anything twice. ’
‘ i’m worried about you, (name). talk to me. i got a feeling i’m the only person you can talk to about this. ’
‘ it’s like when i first got to the city, i kept seeing these ads for the mcdonald’s mcrib. do you know that thing ? it’s like a rack of ribs on a bun, except it’s not. it’s something called restructured meat product, and they pressurize it into the shape of ribs, bones and all. it doesn’t make sense. the bones aren’t real. and i guess sometimes that’s... that’s how i feel. like i’ve been pressed into this shape that doesn’t make sense to me. ’
‘ i don’t know what i feel. but i feel it in my bones. ’
‘ that’s whats so great about new york. you can be who you are. and you’ll figure out who that is. ’
‘ should we order some ribs ? ’
‘ i can’t believe how fucked everyone is. ’
‘ i know you knew, you’re too smart not too. ’
‘ for someone so smart, you have a real blind spot for (name). ’
‘ he acts like the only reason you got anywhere is because you slept with him. ’
‘ i’m not a fucking pussy anymore. ’
‘ i deserved it from him, but from you ? jesus christ, how could you do this shit ? what a punk move. ’
‘ let me get my camcorder, ‘cause i love it when mommy and daddy fight. ’
‘ i mean, what’s 100 mill when you can make two ? ’
‘ just having a bit of an out-of-money experience. ’
‘ you guys have any fucking idea what you’ve done ? ’
‘ people are gonna lose their fucking houses. their jobs. their livelihoods. their fucking everything. ’
’ you just broke the fucking world. ’
‘ i think you’re exaggerating. ’
‘ nobody screws us but us. ’
‘ i mean, all siblings take baths together. ’
‘ you always said that if i wanted something from you, i had to take it. ’
‘ i love you. but you know that already. so what is there even left to say ? ’
‘ nothing about you is real. you are all bullshit. ’
‘ i don’t know what to believe. ’
‘ you think i came here for your pathetic fucking birthday ? ’
‘ goddamn it, kid, you’re embarrassing yourself. ’
‘ you’re not my son. if you were my son, you wouldn’t have fucked up like this. ’
‘ i haven’t felt this close to you since we ate our brother in the womb. ’
‘ i know you think you lost everything, but you haven’t. ’
‘ you’re the only one in this room full of fucking snakes that never fucked me over. ’
‘ it turns out your the best friend i got in the world. jesus christ, i love you, man. ’
‘ fuck me ? fuck you ! ’
‘ it was a little bumpy, but i think we stuck the landing. ’
#black monday rp#rp memes#rp sentence prompts#rp sentence meme#sentence starters#rp sentence starters#sentence starter memes#meme#ask meme#roleplay meme#askbox#ask sentence meme
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In honor of Rob's birthday, can you write a Rob character of your choice with reader or an OC of your choice celebrating his birthday? Fluffy and maybe some light smut? Go wild. ;)
Your Song
Words: 1760
Warnings: Fluff turned smut
A/N: Just inserting Honey and Leon into random awesome points in music history. Cribbed from a scene in "Rocketman," directed by Nathan's freakishly short dad (Dexter Fletcher)
Leon and Honey stumbled and giggled down a path in the woods behind a house in the Canyon. They stopped to kiss under a Laurel tree, laughing when Leon’s hair got tangled up in some branches. Sometimes he seemed to forget how tall he was.
It was unusually warm for early January, but after a show at the Troubadour a party at Mama Cass’s bungalow felt like a serendipitous idea. They held tight to one another’s hands a bit drunk on elderberry wine. Maybe a brownie or two, their first since coming back to the States.
The couple hadn't been alone in several years, not really. Not since Selina was born. They had left her behind in Manhattan with Honey’s parents with an invite from Johnny (who somehow found himself doing far better in LA than he ever did in London.) Away from the snow and slush and post-holiday angry New Yorkers. The Bartucci’s back in their comedy club that Honey bought back and reopened at the start of a new decade. They really could use a vacation. Who turns down Elton John?
Suddenly, today, Leon found himself thirty years old. The 70s weren't much different than the 60s. Rock music got better, the clothes stayed almost the same. Still the same causes for Honey to throw herself into, Leon by her side but with a toddler strapped to his back. Maybe he would never actually be on the moon, but Honey certainly brought it down to him in their little girl.
“We've gotta get back to the house,” Honey lifted Leon’s hand up and brushed her mouth against his knuckles. “I worked a little something out with Elton.” She started to tug him along.
Leon dug his heels into the dirt, and his girlfriend’s arm nearly came out of its socket. “Honnn eeeyyy,” that sexy whine. “You've gone and brought Mr Elton John into it? Oh I'm not big on my birthday, you know that.”
Honey planted her hands on her hips, “Not everyone in our generation is gonna get to turn thirty. There's a piano in the house, and he thinks it's far out. Now c'mon, don't be a spoil sport.” She mimicked Leon's accent.
“Only if he says it's alright. Know how I am ‘bout doing things that aren't my bag.” Still he followed her down to the house, hands in his pockets as Honey literally skipped ahead, bits of bark in her hair.
It all felt unearthly, being surrounded by musicians whose records they had back in The Village. Or how short they all were. Save for John Phillips, the only person who towered slightly over Leon that night. Everyone called him Kubrick in jest, but his cheeks flushed all the same. He perked up straight away when Cass tugged on his vest. The one Honey made. He wore it now over a long sleeved thermal shirt and tight jeans that boot-legged instead of belled.
“Say this is pretty groovy. This is almost flashy enough for Elton to wear.” Her hands ran over the fabric.
“Honey made it. Our first Christmas together back in ‘67. London. Where I'm from. Well no I'm from Greece but,” Leon stammered.
“Relax man. We don't bite! That's Michelle’s job. Your old lady said you've got a kid back East. Me too. Owen, she's around here somewhere.”
You could tell she was whacked out on something. Everyone here was except Leon and Honey. Not really tipsy anymore both down from the brownie earlier. Looking around, the party goers were at the various stages of undress and sex. It was like the couple got rid of Renatis and replaced him with Mama Cass. Except she was so much cooler, her vibe felt truer and at ease.
“Yeah Selina. She's four I think?”
Leon scratched his head before noticing Honey sitting on the piano bench with a guitar. Topless. Elton beside her, also topless but still in his jeans. What a strange fucking life he and Johnny got into after coming here in 1970.
“Like the moon! I get it, Kubrick! Honey said you really love her. Cherish it man, they'll be us soon enough,” she winked. Then Cass affectionately pat his cheek like a mother would.
Leon’s heart would break a year later when she died. Everyone’s heart would. Always touching his face anytime he heard her sing.
For now she was alive and sat down in a chair. Leon leaned against the doorframe as Honey and Elton started to play. Lost in his own world, everyone else in the bungalow faded away except her. He wrapped a finger up in a stray curl that fell from his ponytail, smiling in her direction.
It took him a moment to realize these two people were singing TO Leon and not everyone else. He was so caught up in the way Honey’s fingers moved expertly over the strings. Was this why she asked for lessons? How he always fell in love just by looking at her.
So excuse me forgetting
But these things I do
You see I've forgotten, if they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is, what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen
And you can tell everybody
This is the song
It may be quite simple, but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind
That I put down in the words
Later in a loft, Honey and Leon naked on the floor. Leon's lips making their way down Honey’s chest where he stops to take a nipple in his mouth. Sucking hungrily before teasing it with his teeth. Biting somewhere between playful and rough. Alternating between each of her breasts before continuing down over her stomach. Tongue dipping into her navel.
Honey’s back arches into Leon and she moans softly. Her hand lost in his hair as sexual instinct makes her urge him further down. But her brain says through her mouth,
“Wait, it's your birthday. Let me give you head.” The words breathless.
Leon is already diving into her. His tongue snaking deep inside like his fingers often do before going for her clit. Flicking at it a few times, circling it quicker. His hands spread her thighs so he has better access as he works her faster. His head moving up and down the whole time.
Then: “If I wanna go down on you for MY birthday, the only way you're gonna stop me is by saying no.” Leon paused, large eyes gazing up at Honey. His mouth glistening. “Are you saying no, then?”
“Fuck no, I love when you do this. I just figured you wanted to lay back and let me suck you off.”
He smiled and went back to it. Burying his face into Honey further. Then switching from his quick pace, Leon ran his tongue agonizingly slow along her cunt. The entire length of one side, sucking on it, plunging it in to work around Honeys clit then up the other side. Repeating this a few times, tongue manipulating her clit longer and faster.
Honey felt that heat build in her sex. That throb and the contraction. She cried out with that sudden swell of wetness before she came. She was so close but her mouth opened:
“Leon stop!”
Leon sat up and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, “What? What's wrong? Too much, love?”
“No no it was the perfect amount of too much. I don't wanna cum before we fuck.”
“Now THAT'S a bleeding birthday present. Time for me to get a toss over?” Leon's eyes shone with excitement. “Can we shag where someone might catch us?”
He stood up and helped Honey to her feet. Walking her to the railing that exposed the loft to the living room below where everyone had played their music before. A couple was already going at it on the couch not very silently.
Leon put his hand on the thick wood and yanked a few times to check its strength. It was perfect.
Honey situated herself in front of him, back pressing into his chest. She lifted her foot up on the bottom part and jutted her hips back into her partner’s erection. She anchored herself with her arms spread along the length of railing where he had just tested it.
Leon covered only one of Honey’s hands, his arm parallel to hers. The other hand taking the head of his cock teasing her with it. Then clutching the thick of her hip, he buries himself up to the hilt inside of her.
In his excitement, Leon began pounding into Honey madly. His hips hitting her ass every time created a rhythmic slapping sound. No longer needing to brace himself on her waist, he covered Honey’s mouth instead as her mewls of pleasure began.
Honey cried out into Leon's hand. Her body twisting slightly to give him better access. They had rutted this way enough that she knew angling her cunt downwards allowed him to hit her G spot. Something it took them both several years to figure out. Now that they had..
Leon lost himself in slamming into Honey with a speed he hadn’t felt since he did cocaine. The sweat created a shean across his cheeks, neck and chest from the heat they were building. Gut told him it would start forming on her forehead and stomach. What little he was grasping also told him Honey’s tits and ribs were crashing into the railing.
“Steady on, love.” Whispering huskily in her ear. “Yeah. I love being inside you. Never gonna get fucking sick of it. Your twat drives me barking.”
Honey kept on and kept up. That cataclysm in her walls, they flexed around Leon's cock suddenly. She squealed loudly into his hand as she came so hard her stomach muscles cramped. Her body still took to being rammed.
But not long, spurred on by the constriction of Honey’s orgasm, Leon exploded inside of her. Releasing completely but biting down on her shoulder to prevent from yelling out into the stillness.
Honey winced, but her gasp came out closer to another cry of pleasure. Her body cumming again unexpectedly. Leon would use that against her happily in the future.
They untangled themselves and were kissing in the dark. Then from downstairs came a humming. It soon turned into singing. The voice belonged to a tiny Englishman with diamond studded glasses.
“How wonderful life is while you’re in the world."
Tag: @robertsheehanownsmyass @badsext @joz-stankovich @elliethesuperfruitlover @nightmonsters
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okay here me out but high school!spn would be hilarious because, y'know, there's the 3 winchester (yes adam is there) and horrible dad john winchester. obivously, mary is dead which is why john in horrible.
BUT, other than the winchesters, there's also the angels, which everyone is also deadass confused about because they're's like 30 of them?? and apparently they're all related, all adopted by birth except the 4 eldest. and the very oldest, michael, raises them, which nobody knows if it's legal or not, but everybody's too afraid to say something.
And, of course, they're's the demons, who are like a bunch of kids who live at an orphanage and hate the angels.
okay that was long and really just me rambling
what i heard was “the angels are like the cullens” and michael is like. very fuck you to any high schooler who brings it up.
also, Michael either looks JUST like that Adam kid OR he looks like apocalypse!michael because that guy was cute and i liked him
OK BUT. HEAR ME OUT.
Mary is NOT dead, but she and John are divorced because John had an affair with Kate Milligan (Adam’s mom) and neither woman knew about the other until Adam’s like. Five or something?
At first Mary and Kate HATE each other, look at that Scheming Conniving Whore who is the Reason I Can’t Have My Man, but then they realize it’s JOHN’S FAULT, and they should unite against the Common Enemy. John has no idea. So the divorce goes through and he’s like, hey Kate can I come stay with you and Adam :) and Kate’s all, actually, you can get fucked, I’m taking my friend out for a celebratory drink, her divorce got finalized.
They’re each a margarita into the night when Mary goes “this is like a date! hah ha just kidding! unless...?”
IT’S NOT A JOKE THEY DATE AND GET MARRIED/CIVIL UNIONED/PARTNERED/SUE THE STATE OF KANSAS and John is just sitting over there, a jackass.
Kate’s a nurse, so she can pretty much support the family because Mary wants to go back to school! And get advanced degrees in like. Mythology or folklore. Idk if Mary went to college in canon? Anyway she’s a farm girl, (for some reason in my head “a family of monster hunters” translates to normal universe as “family farm” idk idk) so maybe she gets some fancy agriculture degrees or becomes a conservationist (Sam being a National Parks nerd??? yes please. he’d sit and help Mary study and he’s been known to hijack tours from Park Rangers but he’s so earnest it’s hard to be mad at him)
they have a crazy amazing garden (adhd!dean helping his mom in the garden??? yes). Mary teaching self-defense classes! Kate teaching the boys advanced first aid! And regretting it! No, Dean, just because you CAN sew up your brother’s wound doesn’t mean you should!
Dean trying to teach Adam and Sam to shave because “i’m the man of the family” and Kate saying “oh sweetie, I’m the man of the family. you get to be a kid of the family, ok?” because let Dean be a child, please, and also, now none of these children understand gender and it’s WONDERFUL. (Adam is the only full time he/him in the house and as much as Dean protects his little brothers, Adam has been known to punch a transphobe or two.
Adam: it’s called DIRECT ACTION, Principal Amara!)
I want to say there’s still a house fire when Sammy’s a baby, but obvs Mary doesn’t die, she just has severe burns? (makes John cheating even MORE of a douche thing but idk) anyway this plus Kate being a nurse, I could see Adam being into physical therapy or counseling or something when he gets older?
also random thought but Mary and Kate host the BEST halloween parties. they go all out. Their best costume so far is Harley/Ivy.
I KEEP FORGETTING WHERE I’M GOING WITH THIS
This means Mary’s the one who knows Bobby (and his husband Rufus) via hunting and Gay Advocacy and their extensive collection of rare texts that are tangentially related to Mary’s work somehow
Mary and Kate become big advocates for legalization of sex work.
the Angel Kids family are from a SUPER religious upbringing. obviously. probably. more like a cult honestly. Cas and Anna straight-up ran away when they were 13 ish. They MIGHT have convinced their dad to sign some papers when he was drunk which is how they were able to get emancipated. Sort of?
They track down their older brother Gabe, who left the family as soon as he was old enough to strike out on his own, but once Anna and Cas leave, all their other siblings sort of come trailing after them (Balthazar first) to find them and take care of them, so Gabe all of the sudden goes from livin the single life to co-parenting twenty siblings with his OTHER siblings, who he can’t STAND and he somehow became the Rules Parent because Luci isn’t going to enforce shit! That asshole! When Uriel finally gets out Gabe is like thank fuck I’m leaving now. When Michael finally gets to them, Gabe is in Shock. “Holy fuck, what did dad DO that was bad enough to make YOU leave?? dude???”
(I want Gabe and the Archangel Brigade to be in their late 20s/early 30s when Cas and Co. are in high school because Gabe absolutely works in porn. Michael gets all self-righteous with him and Gabe glares. “First of all. This is my house, so, you know, fuck off. Second of all, are you going to support this family? No? Yes? With what? the last job you had was CO-LEADING A CULT.” Uriel is working as an electrician while taking meteorology courses.)
who is in charge of the Demon Kids? Rowena or Lilith, maybe? or CAIN. CAIN!!!
The Harvelles absolutely make an appearance. I’m tempted to say that Mary and Kate look at Ellen and go “her. we want her” and it’s a band of badass women and their badass children.
it’s VERY important to me that Dean is a theatre nerd. VERY IMPORTANT. He and Sam might play basketball just because of their height, but I don’t know that they enjoy it that much. Sam’s more of a lacrosse or soccer guy. Adam’s into hockey (little rage monsters that they are)
idk it depends on ships that you want? Because high school age Crowley being Dean’s Bad Boy Boyfriend is pretty primo comedy, imo, and you would work in the Leviathans as a rival high school or even as new kids? And of course Michael/Adam Sam/Lucifer don’t work in a hs au with the archangels aged up the way I have? You could have the Older Sibling Angels Be Gabe, Balthazar, and Naomi, with Naomi being the one leaves last, who was helping Chuck with his cult (which leaves more room for Michael to be a himbo)
for the record I’m not OPPOSED to a John is a Good Dad AU. I just like AUs where I can Unfridge All the Women
WOW i had a lot of feelings about this. oops.
#frack-no#supernatural#dean winchester#sam winchester#castiel#mary winchester#adam milligan#kate milligan#bobby singer#my stuff#you've got questions i've got answers#a LOT of answers apparently oops#me @ me bitch go to bed#you know mary and kate would be MENACES on social media#adam introduces them to tiktok and it's just meme after meme after meme
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February 3, 2021: Sleepless in Seattle (1993)
The year: 1986. A small new fictionation is founded as part of a disparate group of similar territories. Near to another civilization founded by Woody Allen (we’ll get to him later this month, whoof), a new settlement was founded by one Nora Ephron. It began with Heartburn, a rom-com starring Meryl Streep and Jack Nicholson. While it was somewhat successful, it wasn’t exactly a dynamo by any means. And that is when Nora met the future Empress of her fictonation.
Her name was Meg Ryan, and the film...was When Harry Met Sally.
Ephron only wrote this film, rather than direct it. But it didn’t matter, as this film was CRAZY successful (and I’ll be watching it later this month). Some years past, and both Ryan and Ephron rose in power. Ephron became a director, Ryan became a movie star, and the two pillars would reunite for greater things. And THAT is when the future Empress met her Emperor.
Enter Joe vs. the Volcano, where Meg Ryan...met Tom Hanks.
Now, was this movie amazing? No, not from what I’ve heard. But the two new co-stars apparently made an impression on Hollywood at this point, as their respective stars would only grow brighter. And so, when 1993 came along, the three pillars finally met, and ascended to their true roles as the rulers of a now united Holy Romance Empire. And that film...was Sleepless in Seattle.
Time to witness a nation RISE. SPOILERS AHEAD!!!
Recap
We start where all romantic comedies should start: at a Chicago graveyard!
Architect Sam Baldwin’s (Tom Hanks) wife, Maggie, has sadly passed away, leaving Sam and their son, Jonah (Ross Malinger). Sam’s clearly broken, understandably, and he decides to move from Chicago in order to leave behind the bittersweet memories of his wife. And where he’s headed? You know where.
Jimmy Durante’s rendition of “As Time Goes By”
Jimmy Durante sings us in (I love this song, for the record), and we head not to Seattle, but to Baltimore, 18 months afterwards. There, reporter Annie Reed (Meg Ryan) is going to a Christmas party with her new fiancée, Walter Jackson (Bill Pullman), which is announced to great aplomb at the party. Her brother Dennis is played by Niles from Frasier (David Hyde Pierce), and I nearly spit out my sandwich.
That night, Annie’s mother gives her her old wedding dress, and have a VERY frank conversation about their sexual relationships. It is...awkward. Anyway, the dress tears, which Annie sees as a sign. In any case, she still seems happy...I think. On the way to Walter’s parents’ place, she tunes into a radio talk show, where a child is making a Christmas wish to the station.
This child is, of course, Jonah, calling on behalf of his father from Seattle. He tells the host, Dr. Marcia Fieldstone (Caroline Aaron), that his father is lonely after his wife’s death, and that he wishes he had a new wife. She convinces Jonah to put him on the phone, and while he’s reluctant to do so (understandably), he accepts. All the while, Annie’s listening, and seems to sympathize deeply with him and his sarcastic responses.
However, Sam begins to open up, and Dr. Fieldstone christens him “Sleepless in Seattle,” after the fact that he doesn’t sleep much at all these days. His story resonates with a number of people, Annie included. A few people call in to respond to him, and at the end of the call, he describes how much and why he misses his wife. And I gotta be honest, I’m with Annie here. It is...very moving.
Damn you, Tom Hanks, it’s only 20 minutes in, why are you already making me FEEEEEEL?
The next day, it’s a splash, and over 2,000 women call in in response to this. This is discounted by her co-worker and friend, Becky (Rosie O’Donnell). At the New Year’s party soon after, she and Walter make a date to meet in New York City, and register for their eventual wedding. Meanwhile, Sam tucks Jonah in to sleep, as Nat King Cole serenades us (I ALSO love Nat King Cole, real talk) and Sam stares at the fireworks off of his houseboat.
And, mentally haunted by the ghost of his wife, he’s seemingly literally haunted by the ghost of his wife, Maggie (Carey Lowell). The next morning, he goes to help a client, Barbara (Dana Ivey), and his co-worker Jay Matthews (Rob Reiner) with a house, and finds out that everybody knows who he is at this point. Additionally, Jonah also give the radio station their address, and MANY women are now soliciting Sam, including...his third-grade teacher. Ew. EW.
Sam and Jonah next have a talk about whether or not a prospective new wife would have sex with Sam, and I wonder if sexual conversations with your parents are supposed to be this common, or if I’m just crazy. Because me and my Dad? Nuh-uh. And no worries if your relationship with your folks is like this, but mine DEFINITELY IS NOT, lemme tell you.
Annie and Walter prepare for bed, and Ray Charles sings them to sleep, followed by Carly Simon talking about the wee small hours of the morning. During those hours, Annie gets up, also unable to sleep, and turns on the Dr. Marcia Fieldstone show. During the highlight reel for the show, Disappointed in Denver notes that:
Everytime I come close to orgasm, he goes and makes himself a sandwich.
...Wow. Um. Asshole? And then Marcia tells her to make a sandwich for him beforehand, WHICH IS NOT SOLVING THE PROBLEM. Anyway, Sam is also featured in that highlight reel, and Annie cries again as he talks about his wife, and it’s a disproportionately long excerpt compared to the others, what the hell? Marooned in Miami is DISAPPOINTED now.
Annie goes to meet her brother Niles (he’s basically Niles from Frasier, seriously) the next day, and explains that she’s fantasizing about Sam, a man she’s never even MET. She’s also feeling doubt about her upcoming marriage, which is...interesting. I’ll get to that later. In Seattle, meanwhile, Sam asks Jay what it’s like as a single man in Seattle, and they have a conversation about how cute Sam’s butt is. Nice.
Upon the realization that his 9-year old son is hanging out with more girls than he is (yeah, there’s a kid named Jessica hanging out with him when Sam gets home, it’s awkward), Sam’s back in the saddle again (as the song indicates; that said, goddamn is the music choice on the nose sometimes, seriously). He calls a woman named Victoria (Barbara Garrick), and asks her out on a date.
Annie’s watching the movie An Affair to Remember (lateeeeeer) at Becky’s, as she’s lamenting her fixation on Sam, while also struggling to fully understand how she feels about Walter. Becky RIGHTFULLY accuses her of believing in Hollywood, movie love, which is demonstrated by Annie’s meaningless platitudes about her supposed love for Walter. This is while she’s writing a letter to Sam, then aborts it when she realizes what she’s doing. She sits on the couch with Becky, they mouth the words together in the movie, and they cry while I laugh, because that was funny.
Things aren’t as jovial for Sam and Jonah, as Jonah’s had a nightmare, and the two reminisce over missing their mother. Sam notes that Maggie could peel an apple in one long...curly...strip. You mean...like Annie was doing earlier? I see what you did there, movie. I see what you did there. As if to compound their invisible connection, both of them sit on a dock, staring into two separate oceans at night.
Sam proceeds to write a story for the paper on “Sleepless in Seattle,” and through some...mildly creepy personal invasion, she finds his address in Seattle, and a hell of a lot more personal information. Like I said, it’s a little creepy. Sam, meanwhile, is going on a date with Victoria, when Jonah opens a letter...from Annie.
Annie. What’re you doin’?
Jonah appears to IMMEDIATELY ship the two, but Sam quotes the coast-to-coast distance as being a bit too much, and goes on the date with Victoria. While on the date, Jonah tries to hook Sam up with Annie by getting him to agree to take them to New York City on Valentine’s Day. Damn, Jonah, you lookin’ to escape a whale, because you are BUILDING A GODDAMN SHIP
Victoria, a woman with an amazingly obnoxious laugh, does not rub off well on Jonah, or me, or my girlfriend. I’m really hoping that somehow, in SOME WAY, Victoria and Walter get together. He’s boring, she’s obnoxious, who knows? They might like each other. My ship...is being built.
Jonah, meanwhile, is TAKING THE FUCKING WHEEL of this ship. He calls the radio station once again, and Annie is alerted to this by Becky. She wakes up, punching Walter in the process (dude gets HURT), and goes downstairs to listen. Jonah’s telling the station that Victoria SUUUUUCKS, and straight up calls her “a ho.” He hangs up abruptly, and screams to stop his father from kissing Victoria. Annie, meanwhile, listens to this in the closet for some reason.
The next day, Jonah’s friend, Jessica, tells Jonah to send a letter to Annie on his father’s behalf. Meanwhile, Annie flies to Seattle in the guise of doing a story, when she’s actually going to try and meet Sam. Victoria, meanwhile, is leaving from the airport, where Sam and Jonah are seeing her off. Victoria basically implies that she’d like to ditch the kid and go fuck someplace sometime, which might FINALLY rub Sam the wrong way.
Sam talks to Jonah about the fact that he’s dating Victoria, not marrying her, and that she might not be the one for him. He also says that there’s no such thing as soul-
-mates.
Yeah, they actually did just do that. Sam loses Annie at the airport, after immediately chasing after her. They’re perfect for each other, as Annie goes RIGHT to Sam’s houseboat address. She hangs around the neighborhood, and sees them having fun on the beach together as Harry Connick Jr. plays in the background. That night, she confides in Becky about her guilt in lying to Walter.
And if I can just say this...yeah, THAT isn’t great. I get that there’s some cinematic paegentry to the whole thing, but, like...tell your FIANCEE about your FEELINGS. It’s hard, yeah, duh, but YOU GOTTA DO IT. You most certainly owe it to Walter. At least she appears to know it, though.
Annie at the hotel
The next day, Annie goes once again to weirdly spy on Jonah, and sees him hug a woman very happily, and of course believes that that’s Victoria. However, this is his friend, Suzy (Rita Wilson), who’s visiting with her husband, Greg (Victor Garber). In any case, this leads to Sam and Annie seeing each other for the first time. He says hello. She says hello. Then she almost gets hit by a taxi, and she IMMEDIATELY flies back home WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUH
We find this out later, but the taxi and the fact that all she could say was “Hello” is actually all a reference to the film seen earlier, An Affair to Remember (again, later this month). This is also part of the repeating motif that this film has: signs. Y’know, the kind of “IT’S A SIGN” thing. However, the real twist here is that the signs are the ones that they can’t see. Like the apple and the hello thing. Not yet, anyway.
Also, dear lord, An Affair to Remember is just making EVERY woman in the film cry, even when they’re TALKING about it. And every time, the men just look at each other like “WOMEN, with their EMOTIONS and their VAGOOOOOOS.” Jesus, ‘90s movies. Even JESSICA (Gaby Hoffman), Jonah’s friend, the LITTLE GIRL, is crying at this movie. JESUS, I’m really interested in seeing this movie now.
Jessica and Jonah start conspiring on how to get to New York to meet Annie, and do so by FAKING AIRLINE TICKETS OK THEN. Meanwhile, Annie’s given up on the whole “Sleepless in Seattle” thing, and goes to meet Walter for their Valentine’s date in NYC. Walter rightfully comments that Annie’s seemed distant, and here’s the thing: Walter deserves better than this. Yeah, he’s BORING AS SHIT, but the dude’s committed to her, and she’s amazingly flaky in comparison. I dunno, maybe it’s because it’s Bill Pullman, but I feel bad for him.
Anyway, in New York, the two begin to rekindle their relationship, and Walter gets a ring for her at FUCKING TIFFANY’S HOLY SHIT. Meanwhile, Sam’s THIRSTY AS FUUUUUUUCK, and is leaving to spend the weekend with Victoria, which Jonah is NOT a fan of. This ship is gonna SAIL if JONAH HAS TO FLY TO NEW YORK CITY HIMSELF
So, Jonah flies to New York City himself, in order to...meet his new mother. This movie has some VERY interesting issues, Jesus. Jonah does, indeed go to the top of the Empire State Building to look for Annie, and he asks all the girls on the Observation Deck if they’re Annie. Which, of course, none of them are. Why?
Annie’s at dinner, that’s why, and at the FUCKING RAINBOW ROOM DEAR LORD HOW MUCH MONEY DOES WALTER MAKE? Sam also makes his way to New York, probably to DESTROY HIS CHILD
And at dinner, Annie actually redeems herself by telling Walter the ENTIRE TRUTH about her feelings, and about “Sleepless in Seattle.” And Walter is a CLASSY-ASS GUY ABOUT THE ENTIRE THING, and the two break off their engagement amicably. Annie says that she doesn’t deserve Walter, and BY GOD SHE’S RIGHT. Walter’s a sweet dude. And as soon as they break up...a sign.
Sam finds Jonah on the Observation Deck, and the two tearfully reunite. And as they two unite, and everybody else leaves the Observation Deck as it closes for the night, Annie rushes on her way there. An Affair to Remember is invoked one last time, as Annie convinces the guard to let her up there. But, OF GODDAMN COURSE...she goes up in one elevator, and Sam and Jonah head down in another.
But wait. Isn’t that Jonah’s backpack on the ground of the Observation Deck?
youtube
Yup. THERE’S the happy ending we’re lookin’ for. They finally formally introduce each other, and Sam says that they’d better leave...ALL of them, together. Love at first sight. PLAY US OUT JIMMY DURANTE!!!! And yeah, I know that Celine Dion sings the end credits song, but NOPE! TAKE ME AWAY, JIMMY! MAKE ME HAPPY!
And that was Sleepless in Seattle! And again, I liked it! I’ll get more into it during the Review!
#sleepless in seattle#nora ephron#tom hanks#meg ryan#rosie o'donnell#bill pullman#ross malinger#romance february#romance movie#365 movie challenge#365 movies 365 days#365 Days 365 Movies#365 movies a year#user365
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i took too many hits off this memory (i need to come down)
pairing: eddie kaspbrak/richie tozier [reddie] rating: teen audiences and up chapter warnings: mentions of past drug abuse, mentions of past child abuse in terms of s*nia kaspbrak, mentions of minor character death/near death word count: 3,515 chapter count: 4 of ? summary: Eddie Kaspbrak doesn’t remember much from his childhood. He doesn’t really know he doesn’t remember. He also doesn’t know why he’s so drawn this terrible comedian on tv, but when Eddie runs into him in a bar, and they spend the night together, Eddie’s life is changed forever. It’s finally back on track- and he doesn’t know anything about it
read on ao3. moodboard by @isaacslaheys
perma taglist: @jwilliambyers, @stebbins, @isaacslaheys, @s-s-georgie, @transrich@eddiefuckinkaspbrak, @edstozler, @emgays, @anellope, @thorn-harvester-ven, @wheezyeds, @vipertooth, @tozierking, @billdenbrough, @starrystoziers, @trashmouthtozierr, @willelbyers @loserslibrary (let me know if you want added!)
June 5 2009
Richie wasn’t sure how to tell his manager that he didn’t want to do stand up anymore. That maybe he’d never really wanted to do stand up. He liked making people laugh, and he vaguely remembered wanting to be a vanquilist when he was a kid but he’d never been able to stop his mouth from moving with the words. It was fitting that now, Richie’s job was almost just exclusively moving his mouth. Richie had gotten terrifyingly good at walking on stage, flicking off his brain and transforming into Trashmouth™. That had long since stopped bothering him, but as his career took off, Richie found himself having to be Trashmouth™ more and more and Richie less and less. He was suddenly surrounded by people who only really saw him as the foul mouthed, sex crazed misogynist his ghost writers had him portrayed as on stage. They’d promised him that kind of shit sold, and they’d been right, but suddenly all his friends actually thought and spoke like Trashmouth™ and it made him queasy. He could only handle sitting through so many homophobic and sexist conversations before he felt Richie would melt right out of him and Trashmouth™ would be all that was left of him. He couldn’t let that happen… he just didn’t know how to tell anybody.
He was doing a string of shows in Georgia, because Richie’s shows always sold better the further south he went. Richie hated the South, and not just because of his whole bisexuality thing, but because the weather sucked, the accents annoyed him and Richie Tozier did not belong anywhere where the potential of rodeo or circus existed. (Richie Tozier didn’t know anything about the Southern United States).
Richie had been born in Maine, one of the coldest states in this god forsaken country, and in 1992 his family had moved up north of the border. Richie had come back to the United States after university, because everybody told him that he would be better off getting a job in show business in America rather than Canada. He hadn’t been totally sure that was true, but he’d gotten successful pretty quickly after moving back down here so he wasn’t about to argue it.
“I don’t know what you’re upset about.” Audra Phillips, one of Richie’s few true friends, was saying to him while packing up Richie’s hotel room. He was so ready to leave the Devil behind, and get started on his break. He was fully debating on going to Canada to see his parents, it had been too long and every phone conversation with his mom felt like a guilty knife to the chest, but Richie had things he needed to take care of.
“You’ve been doing this for years, Rich.” Audra carried on, scowling at one Richie’s ratty overshirts before tossing it directly into the hotel bedside garbage. “You’re good at it, you’re making great money, you get to stay in the nicest hotels and see the country. What else could you possibly want? You’re doing things most people dream of.”
Richie huffed out an aggravated breath. “You’re telling me you never think of leaving all this behind? Not even when paparazzi follow you around the grocery store or TMZ leaks half truths that destroy your relationships.”
Audra crossed her arms over her chest. “First of all, no, I don’t. I’m living my dreams, Richie, that’s more than most people can say! And when was the last time Paparazzi followed you anywhere? Never? What’s really bugging you out, Richie?”
“I don’t know,” Richie said, only half-lying. “It’s like… sure, I’m doing great financially, and it’s nice that people want to see my shows but it’s not like they actually like me. The person they’re coming to see is basically the anti Richie. If I come out, I will lose all my fans because they’re a bunch of homophobic asstwats because that’s the audience I have to cater to.”
“Are you thinking of coming out?” Audra asked.
“Not like… tomorrow, but someday, yeah.” Richie said quietly. “I’m not going to live my life in the closet. It’s not like it’s the 1980s anymore. Honestly, if it wasn’t for my shows and how coming out would basically make all my content unuseable, I probably would have come out already. Or at least not been so hard on sneaking around.”
Audra dropped down on the hotel bed and smiled sadly up at him. “You shouldn’t have to live a lie forever, Richie, but you’ve got to be reasonable about this, too. You can’t just up and quit, you know that. You’re on a contract, Steve will not hesitate to sue the fuck out of you if you try to skimp out-”
“My contract ends with this tour,” Richie said. “That’s why I’ve been thinking about it so much, they’re trying to get me to sign on for another three years and I just… I’m 30, Auds. I don’t want to spend another three years of my life touring around to states to hate, telling jokes I don’t relate to and letting people think I can for things that I don’t. I hate that people can use my acts to justify their bullshit, you know? Three more years of that would literally make me want to kill myself.”
Audra froze for a moment, then shook her head. “If you’re having thoughts again then we can-”
“No.” Richie snapped. “It’s not like that, and before you ask- no, I’m not using anymore. I’m not going down any sort of self destructive path. I’m just… tired. I’m 30, and I’m in the closet and I’m tired.”
Audra nodded slowly. “Okay, then here’s what you’ve got to do, then. Go to talk to somebody at your bank today before you head out, just see what you’re looking at financially. Figure out how long you can bank on your ass without working while you figure out what you want to do. Then go home and see your momma, because she probably misses you, and tell Steve that you will give them an answer to resigning when you get back.”
“And what if I don’t want to come back?” Richie asked quietly.
“Then you don’t have to.” Audra said simply. “But Steve the bullshit excuse anyway. It’ll get you across the border way easier then if you tell him that you tell him to go fuck himself and that his biggest profit client is leaving him.”
There was only one branch of Richie’s bank in Atlanta, and Richie took a moment to appreciate Steve’s power as he was ushered through the bank and immediately back to meet with one of their accountants. The man on the other side of the desk wore a simple grey suit with the jacket draped over the back of his chair. His white button up shirt was rolled up to his elbows, and his hair was in tight, proper brown curls around his head. He was, in short, somebody who usually made Richie’s mouth water just at the sight but for some reason, he wasn’t attracted to the man despite how his energy put Richie immediately at ease.
STANLEY URIS, according to the sign on his desk, gave Richie a polite smile. “So, Mr. Tozier, what can we help you with today?”
Richie let out a long, slow sigh. “I’m gonna be honest with you. I’m here because I wanna quit my job, but my best friend told me that I should make sure that isn’t the world’s worst idea ever.”
Stanley Uris chuckled, and clicked on a few things on his computer. “I’m not usually prone to telling people to quit their jobs, but based on your accounts here, you’d be able to make due for at least a year if not more on your savings only. Permitting you don’t go around making any outrageous and sentrous purchases. Basic costs of living wouldn’t be a concern for a while.”
Richie had already known that, mostly. He’d only agreed to come here to soothe Audra’s nerves. Money hadn’t been a concern of Richie’s in many years, but it was nice to know he’d be okay for a while while he figured out what it was he wanted from life. What he could do.
Stanley turned in his chair and met Richie’s gaze with a wiry look. “I’m not prone to getting involved with my consults personal lives, but I have to ask Mr Tozier- why are you thinking of quitting your job? I won’t pretend your particular brand of comedy is up my alley, but you seem to have made a name for yourself in the business. Is it wise of you to walk away now?”
Richie blinked. “I don’t know anything about what’s wise or what isn’t, I never have. But I do know that this name I’ve made for myself, like you said, isn’t the name I want to carry forever. It isn’t me, and I guess I want the world to see me for who I am now.”
“Well.” Stanley’s lips twitched up in a hint of smile. “As you inquired, you’d certainly be able to make due for a quite a while figuring out what it is you want your name to be, Mr. Tozier. And a piece of advice, if I may?” Richie nodded. “There’s nothing wrong with trying to find yourself, Richie. I went through most of my life mocked for who I was, or who I hung around, or what my religious beliefs were. And it stung for a long time, but I’m glad that I stuck it out. I’m a loser and I always fucking will be. It’s often not worth it to put on a mask and pretend all the time. Be who you want to be, be proud.”
Richie definitely was not tearing up in the middle of a bank office. This strange accountant had somehow struck something deep within Richie that not even his trained therapist or NA sponsors had ever been able to reach. Almost like he knew… but that wasn’t possible.
“Yeah.” Richie said through a voice crack. “Thanks, Stan the Man. I’ll do that.”
Richie made a quick exit from the bank, truly worried for a moment that he might begin to cry in the middle of this poor man’s office. He made a rushed phone call to Steve, just Audra had advised, telling him that he needed some time to clear his head and he was going back to Canada for the short while between legs of his stand up tour. That he’d have an answer for Steve regarding his contract when he got back. Steve hadn’t been thrilled with the whole thing, but Richie supposed he was thankful that it wasn’t a straight up no. Previous attempts at negotiation hadn’t looked good, and Richie knew that.
As Richie was getting onto the plane, his phone buzzed. He pulled it out, ready to turn the device off as he boarded and he frowned at the notification. Steve had said he was going to give Richie the space he’d requested and he usually waited a couple days before he broke those promises.
Hey Richie. I know you said you needed time but SNL is interested in signing you as a full time cast member when your tour is over. Call me when you land. -Steve.
“Aren’t you worried about the cold?” Eddie Kaspbrak asked, legs draped over Richie’s in the front steps of the Tozier house. It was nearly completely packed up, the family only waiting for the school year to finish out before they took off. They wouldn’t even be staying for the summer. Eddie wished he’d known that last summer was truly going to be their last summer.
“Why would I be worried about the cold?” Richie replied with a snort. “We live in Maine, Eddie boy! I’m used to the cold by now.”
Eddie wrinkled his nose and smacked Richie in the shoulder. “In the winter, sure! But Canada- That’s winter all year ‘round, isn’t it? Won’t you miss swimming and shorts? How are people supposed to know that you have terrible fashion sense if you have to dress in parkas all year long?”
Richie laughed, and it made Eddie’s heart flutter in his chest. “Canada has four seasons just like every other country, Eds! My momma says that their summers can even get pretty hot. It’s not a land of make belief, or anything. Why are you hating on it so bad?”
“I’m not hating on anything.” But Eddie thought maybe he did hate Canada, a little bit. He hated that Richie was moving to Canada, a whole other country. It was hard enough when Beverly moved to Portland and Ben moved to another state. Another country might as well be an entire other world. Mike believed that the further people got away from Derry, the more they forgot and Eddie was having a particularly hard time thinking about Richie forgetting him while possibly living in a snowbank.
“Stop.” Richie suddenly groaned. He reached out and shook Eddie’s shoulders. “Stop thinking so damn hard, you’re making my head hurt. I don’t wanna think about it, and I don’t want you thinking about it! We can’t stop it, so can we please just spend the next month having fun and being us and NOT thinking about it?”
Eddie sighed and in a moment of weakness, dropped his head down to rest on Richie’s shoulders. He knew they were out in the open, that anybody could walk past and just… see them like this. It wasn’t safe, but for the moment, Eddie didn’t care. Derry was already hell, and nothing could make it worse than Richie leaving.
“I’m not trying to dwell on it.” Eddie said quietly, curling up into Richie’s side fully. “I’m not, it’s just…”
“Nah, yeah, I get it.” Richie wrapped an arm around Eddie’s shoulder and jostled him slightly. “But there’s no sense stressing about the things we can’t control, you know? Life in the moment, Eddie my love!”
Eddie exhaled hard. “Richie… I need to tell you something.”
August 10 2009
Eddie Kaspbrak hated airports. There was something about the energy in the place that just made Eddie feel wild and horrible. He always drove himself, always. No matter how many times people told him that flying was safer than driving, that it was stupid to drive across country when flying could get him somewhere within a day. Eddie Kaspbrak hadn’t flown since 1999 on a forced family vacation with his mother and aunts. Until today.
Eddie would much rather be making the drive to Derry rather than getting on a plane at JFK but his aunt Darlene had insisted that Eddie fly out to Bangor, that six hours was much too long. His mother might not last that long, and Eddie would so regret it if he wasn’t there with her when she passed. Eddie wasn’t sure if that was true, but he’d bought the last minute plane ticket anyway. He wasn’t too sure what a difference five hours would make, but it was never worth it arguing with his mother or his aunts.
From what Aunt Darlene had told him, Sonia Kaspbrak was as good as gone already. A stroke, late last night. The doctors weren’t hopeful for any recovery, or even for the woman to regain consciousness. It left a sick feeling in Eddie’s stomach, thinking of his mother in a hospital bed, as good as gone and being kept alive by machines. It made him feel even sicker to know that it was exactly how she’d want to go, holding onto life and sucking up resources and doctor’s time right up until the very end. Eddie had kept his mother at a distance as much as possible since leaving home for college, and in the last two years he hadn’t spoken to her at all. He’d felt no desire to. She’d made his life hard, so much harder than it had ever needed to be. He was certain that if it hadn’t been for her, he would have come out long before he did. Myra would never have happened. To this day, at 30 years old, Eddie was still trying to figure out what things are true and what are lies from her influence. He wasn’t sure he ever wasn’t going to fuck up from her, and maybe she didn’t deserve him by her bedside at all. Kay had told him that she didn’t, that Eddie shouldn’t put himself through it. He didn’t owe her a goddamn thing, and Eddie knew she was right.
Eddie Kaspbrak hated airports, he hated flying, he hated goddamn Maine and he fucking hated his mother. His plane was going to start to board any minute and Eddie was still sitting in the waiting area with his emergency overnight bag tightly in his grip. He was rapidly running out of time to make good on this plane ticket that he’d bought on his messley cab driver salary.
“Well, I’ll be damned.” A familiar voice carried over to Eddie through the waiting room. “Is that Eddie fucking Kaspbrak?”
Eddie turned in his seat, and grinned when he noticed none other than Richie Tozier walking towards him. His clothes were rumbled and he had a five o’clock shadow around his jaw that made Eddie’s stomach tighten. It was almost weird how little Richie Tozier crossed his mind, despite how intense his reaction was every time he saw him or even thought about him for too long.
“Richie Tozier,” Eddie said slowly, face breaking into a grin. He stood and walked over to Richie, with his overnight slung over his shoulder. “Back in the world of the living I see. I think your fans were starting to think you died somewhere.”
“Awe, Eds. You been keeping tabs on lil ol’ me?” Richie chuckled, reaching out to pinch at Eddie’s cheeks. “No need to worry, Eddie boy. I was merely taking some me time in the great white North. My parents live in Canada, I went to visit them and clear my head.”
Eddie’s chest twinged. “Well, welcome back to civilization then, I guess.”
“You’ve always been Canadianphobic huh, Eds?” Richie laughed but Eddie frowned deeply.
“What do you mean always?”
Eddie and Richie looked at each other for a long moment, before Richie shook his head. “I don’t know, you just strike me as the type, I guess. What are you doing here? You don’t really strike me as the flying type.”
Eddie shuddered. “God, I’m not.” He said honestly. “But my mom is dying or some shit, and my aunt is pitching some drama fit about how a six hour car drive is too long so I have to take the plane.”
Richie froze for a moment, mouth half open and eyes wide. Eddie braced himself for the evitable awkward apologies and sympathies that always came with the whole dead parent card.
“That sucks man.” Richie said finally, with a shrug. “You going back to Derry all by yourself?”
Eddie had given up on trying to figure out how Richie just seemed to know things about him. It wasn’t even that weird anymore. “Yeah.” He answered with a sigh. “If I get my shit together and actually catch my plane. I’m cutting it pretty close.”
“Well…” Richie gave Eddie a soft smile. “If you didn’t want to take the trip alone, I’m not doing anything interesting. I’m supposed to be settling into my new apartment but that’s boring and I think it would be way more to go back to Derry with you and wreak havoc on your aunts.”
“You’re moving to New York?” Eddie asked with wide eyes. He tried not to think about how a big reason he and Richie had never really been together was the constant distance and Richie’s travelling. He wasn’t sure Richie had even had a home before.
“Yeah.” Richie suddenly seemed embarrassed. “I was trying to get out of the whole stand up game, and my manager got me a steady gig on Saturday Night Live.”
“SNL?” Eddie gasped. “Richie! That’s huge! Congratulations!”
Richie’s cheeks reddened. “Thanks, man. But I’m serious about the offer. It’s no skin off my back at all. We can go see if they have tickets left, how many people could possibly be going to fucking Maine?”
Eddie should say no. It couldn’t bring Richie home with him, to his crazy aunts and his dead mother. To Derry at all. Eddie barely remembered Derry, outside of spending almost all his time locked up in his bedroom. But he remembered enough to know that it was a horrible place, almost like it was permanently stuck in the 1950s and there was something… evil about that place. Just thinking of it made Eddie’s palms sweat and knees shake. But on the other hand…
“It wouldn’t be good for our friendship for me to reject you twice at this stupid airport.” Eddie said, forcing his voice to be light. “Let’s go.”
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Seven Dirty Words
@bannedtogetherbingo2020
Also on AO3
Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), James "Rhodey" Rhodes, James "Bucky" Barnes, Steve Rogers, Michelle Jones, Ned Leeds, Flash Thompson
Archive Warnings: Underage (peer-to-peer)
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - High School, same age au, Peer Sexual Situations, Explicit Language, misogynistic language, Bullying, Bets & Wagers, Pre-Relationship, Minor Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, Minor Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Precious Peter Parker, Bad Boy Tony Stark, Protective Tony Stark
------------------------------------------------------
Peter Parker was the sweetest, most innocent, clearly virgin, flower at Midtown Tech. Utterly clueless to nine-tenths of what was going on around him. He wandered around in fluffy long sweaters, with thumb holes no less. Completely oblivious to anyone who ever took notice of his messy chestnut curls, his honey brown doe eyes, or his very pert little ass. Or who might’ve been paying enough attention to notice how the gym uniform showed off his lean, strong thighs, his broad shoulders and narrow waist, and the fact that his arms were far less delicate than his sweater sleeves indicated.
All of which were things that Tony Stark definitely took notice of. Tony was the exact opposite of Peter in just about every way. He was an archetypal bad boy. He knew everything that was going on around him. He was aware that everyone thought he was sex on legs, albeit more trouble than he was probably worth — and he was worth a lot of trouble according to the guys he’d been to bed with. He wore his almost black hair in slicked back waves. His eyes were like dark chocolate and almost as bitter. Except when he thought he wasn’t being observed while he was observing pretty Peter Parker.
“You’re drooling on your lunch,” Nat said with an overexaggerated eyeroll.
“Peter isn’t going to give you the time of day,” Steve said. “He knows what you are.”
“Remind me why we let you sit at our table again, Rogers,” Tony said, his voice dripping with disgust. “Oh yeah. You keep my friend Bucky’s cock warm. I’m tellin’ ya Buck, you can do better than a blond himbo.”
Steve got to half-standing before Bucky put his hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder and sat him down. “All right Stark,” Bucky warned. “We’ve had this fight before. Let it go.”
Peter was coming back from the lunch line when he tripped over his own feet just as he was walking past Tony’s table. He managed to catch himself before he hit the ground and save his tray at the same time. But when he stood up and looked to see who's table he’d fallen in front of, he blushed. “Shit,” he muttered quietly, embarrassed, and quickly walked on to the nerds’ table.
Everyone at Tony’s table was wide-eyed to hear the sweet innocent Peter Parker come out with that word.
“Language!” Steve called out.
Tony snickered. “Well, he knows one of the seven.”
“Betcha that’s the only one he knows,” Rhodes said. “Run ’em, Tones.”
“The heavy seven,” Tony said with a smirk. “You think Parker’s got it in him?”
“Nah,” Bucky said. “No way.” “Wanna bet?” Tony said.
“Against who?” Rhodes asked. “We’re all in agreement.”
“Are we?” Tony arched his eyebrow.
“Tony, even you aren’t desperate enough to take that bet,” Nat said.
Tony shrugged. “What’s the odds you’re all gonna give me?”
“What are the words?” Steve said, frowning, trying to think of all the words he never said, despite being allowed to sit at the bad kids’ table and being boyfriends with Bucky-swears-like-an-army-sergeant-Barnes.
“Fewer than you think,” Tony snorted. “Seven. That’s all. The ones you can never say on TV, ever.”
“Goddamn?” Steve posited. “That one of them?”
The table laughed.
“No, babe. But what, specifically, are they?” Bucky asked. “I can think of three… maybe four.”
“Shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker and tits,” Tony said, very fast.
Rhodey laughed. They’d found an old comedy album, probably once belonging to Howard, up in Tony’s attic.
“No way,” Nat scoffed. “Pretty perfect prissy Peter Parker…” Tony gave her a sideways glare, “…will never say all seven of those words. I’ll believe maybe five. But the other two? Never.”
“Which other two,” Clint asked her, puzzled look on his face. Nat leaned over and whispered in his ear. “Yep. No way he says all seven.”
“Rhodey, make us a spread,” Tony said, passing his graph notebook over. “Number of words each of us wagers that he’ll say, over time. Max time, one month. Betting open only to this table. Give us odds and everyone place your bets. Keep it quiet, guys. You’ll ruin the experiment. Skews the result when the subject knows and no one else in this school can keep their damn mouths shut.”
“Meddling allowed?” Clint asked.
“Sure. As long as it’s not a direct prompt and as long as you don’t tell Parker. One of you clues him in, the game ends and all bets are mine by default,” Tony warned.
∼∼∼∼∼
“Oh, fuck you, Barton!” Nat yelled down the hall at top volume when she was standing next to Peter.
“You shouldn’t say that,” Peter chided, hand on his hip. “Some of the freshmen at this school are early entrants and too young to hear you say that word.”
“Yeah, I know. ‘Barton’ is a dirty fucking word,” she scowled.
“No. Not his name. The other word.”
“What other word, Parker?” Nat turned, smirking at him.
“You know! There are kids here.”
“No, I don’t know. Enlighten me, Parker. What fucking word should I eliminate from my motherfucking vocabulary,” she said, going for two.
“‘Fuck’,” Peter hissed quietly. “Jess is only eleven. Her locker’s next to mine. Thankfully she doesn’t come to her locker between second and third period.”
“God, Parker.” Nat shook her head before chasing after Clint. “Hold the FUCK up!”
“I got fuck out of him,” she told Clint and Tony when she caught up to them.
“Corroboration?” Tony asked.
“I heard it,” Bucky said. “Everyone with two, moves on. That’s you out, gorgeous,” he said to Steve and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
“I wouldn’t have thought it,” Steve said, shaking his head sadly. “A lot of people say the s-word when startled. I didn’t hold that against Peter. But the f-word?”
Tony sputtered a laugh. “Bucky, does he ever swear when you’re f-wording him?”
Steve blushed as red as the stripes on his American flag notebook.
“Best I ever got was a little light blasphemy,” Bucky said, draping his arm over Steve’s shoulder and pulling him in for a kiss. “Or maybe I really am god.”
“Let me at America’s ass and I bet I could get an f-word or two outta him,” Tony leered.
Steve stepped back. Even though he had a good four inches and thirty pounds on Tony, Tony was a dirty fighter. Steve found that out the hard way. So he left it to Bucky to defend his honor. Which he did.
Bucky wasn’t a clean fighter either and had height on Tony. But Tony wasn’t just a dirty fighter, he could be down right nasty when he thought he was losing. By the time five teachers and the coach managed to break it up, both of them were bleeding. And both of them got a three day suspension.
∼∼∼∼∼
Once the so-called ‘f-word’ passed Peter’s lips, it did so again, same as the s-word had. Always said very quietly when Peter was utterly exasperated with a situation.
Clint, Bucky, Rhodey, and Steve (reluctantly), boxed Peter in against the wall when Peter was carrying a hall pass.
“Heading somewhere?” Bucky asked.
“The bathroom,” Peter said nervously.
“Why? Gonna take a bath?
“Please let me pass.”
“Pass where? Where’s that pass for?” Clint asked, moving in closer, making the box tighter.
“The lavatory,” Peter tried a different word.
“Lavatory… derived from the Latin lavare by way of the medieval Latin lavatorium, meaning wash basin,” Rhodey droned, imitating the school’s boring Latin teacher. “Going to wash your hands, Parker?”
He was even more intimidating than usual. Thursdays were his Air Force JROTC days. Which he somehow managed to stay in, despite being best friends with Tony Stark. It helped that Tony took the blame/credit for any hijinks that Rhodey got himself into.
“Fuck,” Peter muttered. “I need to go to the ba… I need to pee.”
Clint was prepared. He opened his notebook and pulled out a cut-out paper letter ‘P’. “You need a P?” he asked, tossing it at Peter.
Clint, Rhodey, and Bucky all had three-plus words in the pool. Steve got dragged along because Bucky insisted, even though he was out of the race.
“Guys, please.”
“Please what, Parker?” Bucky asked. His black eye was an ugly yellow and the ragged cut on his forehead only made him look more menacing.
“I need to… piss,” Peter finally said.
“Shit, son, why didn’t you just say so,” Rhodey said, stepping out of Peter’s way, laughing. “Hope you make it, Parker.”
“Skirtin’ close to the rules on that one,” Tony drawled.
“Didn’t prompt him,” Clint said.
“He doesn’t know,” Bucky added.
“Game still on,” Rhodey said, unfolding the graph of the spread. “Three plus advancing. Which is everyone. Bucky has six. I have four. Clint and Nat have five. Steve’s out. And Tony’s in for all seven.”
Tony walked off saying, “Should’a made everyone list which ones they were counting toward their total.”
“Should’a, but you didn’t,” Rhodey said with a nod, following him.
“Or made him have to say them in order,” Clint said, trailing behind, sharing shop class with the other two.
“But you didn’t,” Nat chimed in, joining from the other hall.
∼∼∼∼∼
“Everybody’s gotta have at least an ounce of cool in them. Even you, Parker,” Rhodey said, giving Peter a friendly smile, falling into step beside him. They shared AP Spanish.
Peter blushed and looked down. Of the bad boys, which included one bad girl, Rhodes was the nicest, the bathroom incident notwithstanding. “I promise you, James, I am completely lacking.”
“Nah, kid.” They were the same age. “You gotta have an ounce in there somewhere. You ever see Pulp Fiction?”
“Yes,” Peter admitted. “Ned’s older brother likes it.”
“See!” Rhodes said brightly. “One ounce. I was thinking of taking drama. You wanna do a scene with me?”
Peter giggled. “I’m not in drama.”
“Yeah, but I really need to get expressing fear down. I’m having trouble with emotions. Carol, who is in drama, says you have to do exercises in emotions. She’s into drama and I’m into her. Only, fear is hard for me. But there’s a great fear scene in Pulp Fiction. You be Jules, I’ll be Brett.”
“Wouldn’t it be better if…”
Rhodes quirked an accusing eyebrow. “Are you saying that I have to be Jules?”
“No… no. It’s just… Jules has more lines.”
“I know, that’s what makes it hard. I have to show fear just using one word. If I do that for tryouts, it’ll really impress her. Do you remember the scene?”
“Uh huh.”
“Fantastic!” Rhodey grinned. “You start it with: ‘What does Marcellus Wallace look like?’ Can you take it on your own from there?”
“Uh… yeah, I remember it.” Peter sighed. “It’s Ron’s favorite movie. We have to sit through it, and not tell Ned’s mom, if we want to watch anything that we want to.”
“Okay then. Go.”
Peter bit his lip. He wasn’t any kind of an actor, but all he had to do was say his lines and James would react to them. He didn’t have to act the lines. It was nice that James was being friendly to him. On his own, away from (the not at all hot and sexy) Tony Stark’s influence, James had always seemed nice.
“What does Marcellus Wallace look like?” Peter said quietly.
Rhodey quivered his lip in fear. “What?”
“What country are you from,” Peter said the next line very much like a shy white boy and very much unlike a table-throwing Samuel L. Jackson.
“Wh… wha… what?” Rhodes was hamming it up. A small group had gathered but kept their distance, not wanting to risk interrupting the ridiculous-looking drama.
“That isn’t a country I’ve heard of.” Peter corrected Tarantino's grammar. “Do they speak English in What?”
“What?” Rhodey managed to look terrified.
“English, motherfucker, do you speak it,” Peter said meekly, being quiet on the swear word.
The collected group and Rhodey burst into laughter. “There’s your ounce of cool for the day.” He turned and bowed to the crowd. “Courtesy of one Peter B. Parker.” Everyone headed off to class so as not to miss the bell. Peter was quiet and near tears during Spanish.
After the class let out, Tony was waiting down the hall. He grabbed Rhodey by the shirt collar and dragged him into the bathroom, pushing him up against the wall. “You’re a prick,” he hissed.
Rhodey shrugged. “He’s your boyfriend, not mine.” Tony let go and he straightened out his shirt. “Got the word. That’s four. Which means I’m out if he says one more. I was doing you a favor.”
Tony pushed past Rhodey, kicking the door open. “Don’t do me anymore!”
∼∼∼∼∼
The table didn’t have to do anything to get the next word out of Peter. That came courtesy of Flash Thompson. Popular, bully, but never quite making the cut for the table. Flash bullied Peter, the table bullied Flash. Shit rolled downhill just like the gods intended.
“You know you do, Penis.”
“Just leave me alone, Flash,” Peter sighed, tired of listening to the other boy.
“You’d totally do it for Tony Stark. You’d beg him for it.”
Peter turned bright red. He turned to walk away but ran into Clint and Nat, who were making out against the lockers. “Sorry.”
“Did you hear something?” Nat said.
“Nothing worth noticing, honey.”
“Shut the fuck up, Barton.” Nat shut him up with a kiss.
“You’d trip over your own two feet to get on your knees if Stark so much as looked at you,” Flash taunted.
Clint and Nat broke their kiss just long enough to give the other a curious look.
Peter closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Shut the fuck up, Flash,” he said, in quiet imitation of Nat.
Flash spun Peter around, putting his back to his locker and punched him in the gut. “Say it, Penis.” He grabbed Peter’s shoulders, standing him back up and slamming him into the lockers. “If you won’t do it, say, ‘I’m not a cocksucker’ and maybe I’ll believe you. Say it or I’ll tell everyone you are.” He pulled his fist back, threatening another punch.
Peter had tears welling in his eyes. “I’m not a cocksucker,” he said, sniffling.
Flash’s hands were suddenly pulled off Peter’s shoulders because he was yanked away into the middle of the hall. Tony’s fist shot up, catching him on his jaw, sending Flash sprawling, unconscious, on the floor.
“Who cares, Parker?” Tony said nonchalantly. “I suck dick if the guy’s cute enough and lets me fuck him. Got a problem with that?” Tony asked the crowd gathered to see the (very brief) fight.
Everyone shuffled away, heads down, making denials about caring. And no one had seen what happened to Flash when the teachers came asking.
∼∼∼∼∼
“We’ve got five. That leaves Nat and Clint on the cliff’s edge. Only Buck and Tone standing firm,” Rhodey said, marking off the sheet.
“You’ll never get the last two out of him,” Nat said. “He’s friends with that Jones chick. She’s one of those uber-feminists. If he says them, she’ll cut him a new asshole.”
“I gotta agree with Nat on this one,” Clint said.
“Of course you do,” Tony scoffed. “Otherwise you’re gonna have to come to me or Bucky if you wanna get your ass fucked.”
“That was one time!” Clint objected. “Even Deadpool got pegged in that movie. And he liked it.”
That sent the table laughing, even Nat, said wearer of the strap.
“You wouldn’t,” Steve said, shooting Bucky a look.
“Nah babe. You’ve got exclusive rights to my cock. You keep him more than happy.” He and Steve made out sloppily for a while. “Tony’s gotta take care of Barton’s ass all on his own if he pisses off Nat too much.”
Tony shrugged. “I’m not into straight guys, but to help a buddy out, I’d make the sacrifice.”
Clint threw his water bottle across the table at Tony, hitting the center of his forehead with the cap end with pinpoint accuracy. It sent Tony sprawling out of his chair, nearly braining him unconscious.
“Barbarians shouldn’t go up against Rangers,” Rhodey said.
“We should send Rhodes to the nerd table.” Steve said. You played D and D? Wait. Stark was a barbarian? He played too?” Steve started laughing.
“I was not a barbarian. I was a rogue. And we were fucking ten. Your boyfriend was the barbarian,” Tony smirked, climbing back into his chair. “Barton was a ranger, Nat a wizard, and Rhodey was the barbarian. You, Rogers, were probably picking your nose in third grade, since you’re only a frosh. We’re seniors and you’re fifteen like the rest of us.”
“Lay off, Tony,” Bucky warned. “Or I’ll start running through your own list of dumb blonds.” He realized what he said. “Of which my dear Steven is not one.”
“Even Parker’s a senior,” Tony said, rolling his eyes.
“Yes, we all know your princess’ grade. And his class schedule. And what fucking color of fluffy sweater he wore yesterday,” Steve shot back.
“Ask him out already,” Nat said.
“So he can reject you,” Clint added.
“And we don’t have to hear about him anymore,” Rhodey finished.
“Game’s still on, losers,” Tony said, pushing away from the table, sporting a perfectly circular red spot on his forehead.
∼∼∼∼∼
The next word was also a freebie. Drawn out, in a literal sense of the word, by the person the table never would’ve expected.
Peter was sitting at the nerds’ table. Which was now next to the bad kids’ table. Tony’s group had been moving steadily up toward the back of the lunch room since the game began. Hoping to overhear more words, or get the opportunity to provoke them. These last two they all, even Tony, expected would take work.
They never would’ve guessed that one Michelle Jones would make Peter say one of those words.
MJ held up her sketchbook. Peter sputtered and laughed.
“I don’t get it?” Ned said, looking at the picture of a girl with two tiny yellow chested birds on either hand, held up in front of her.
“Are you three?” Peter asked MJ.
With a straight face she answered, “I don’t know what you mean, Parker.”
Peter rolled his eyes. He did it almost as good as Tony did. The corners of MJ’s mouth twitched up just a little.
“I still don’t get it.” Ned said, looking closer. “It’s Cinderella, right?”
“No,” Peter said laughing still.
“What is it!?” Ned was getting annoyed at not being in on the joke.
“It’s a drawing of a girl with two birds,” MJ said.
“How is that funny?”
“They’re a pair of great tits,” Peter said, turning red.
Ned’s mouth gaped open and he stared at the picture.
“Get a good look, Leeds,” MJ said deadpan. “Only time you’ll see a pair.”
“That’s mean,” Peter said, swatting MJ’s arm.
“They’re not common birds in North America,” MJ said. “Get your mind out of the gutter, Parker.”
∼∼∼∼∼
To their credit, the table managed not to crack up until they got outside for a smoke break. The non-smokers always tagged along with Tony, Nat, and Bucky.
“Fuck,” Clint said. “I’d’a sworn he never would’ve said that.”
“Should it count?” Nat argued. “He wasn’t talking about tits.”
“Yes he was,” Bucky said, laughing. “Only way a boy that gay is gonna ever mention them.”
“Oh shut up. You’re that gay and you’re always talking about mine for some god only knows reason,” Nat said. “You’re just upset because you lost. But I’m gonna win. You’ll never get the last one out of him, Tony,” Bucky said. “No one else is gonna help you, either. Not with that word.”
“Leave the last word to me,” Tony smirked.
∼∼∼∼∼
“Peter,” Tony said, leaning against the locker next to the boy’s. He was only going to go for getting the word. But Peter was wearing the dark yellow sweater that went so well with his eyes. It distracted him.
Peter sighed heavily. “Whatever you’re doing, just leave me out of it, okay? Your best friend already had his fun.”
“The only reason he didn’t leave the bathroom head first is because we’ve been friends since first grade. Otherwise I’d’a laid him out like that wannabe, Thompson.”
“Yeah, right,” Peter said skeptically.
“I’d…” Tony hesitated. Tony never hesitated. “You wanna go out with me?” he finally asked in a rush.
“Huh?” Peter blinked, stunned. Then he came to his senses. “Great joke. Which of them put you up to this? Is there some kind of bet going on?”
“For me to ask you out? No.” Tony was offended. Sure, there was a bet, but not for this. He could get the word out of Peter without asking him out. “It’s… I think… you’re…” God he was stuttering as badly as Parker did. “I think you’re pretty,” Tony said, looking away.
“This is cruel, Tony,” Peter said, sadly. “Even for you. Half the school’s probably knows I have a crush on you, if Flash noticed.”
“You have a crush on me? Why?” He was dumbfounded.
Peter turned to face Tony and leaned his shoulder against his locker. “Because I don’t think this is who you are.”
Tony scoffed. “Yeah, Pete. This is who I am.”
“Okay, then.” Peter looked up, meeting Tony’s eye. “I don’t think this is all of who you are.”
“You don’t know me,” Tony sighed.
“If you asking me out isn’t a joke or a bet, maybe I could get to?” Peter stepped closer so he could speak quietly. “I promise you, there’s more to you than this, Anthony.”
Tony’s eyes narrowed. He opened his mouth. It hung there a moment and then he closed it with an audible pop. He cocked his head to the side and examined Peter like he was some rare specimen of butterfly. And wondered why he hadn’t walked away. Or done worse. “It’s not a joke,” he said quietly. His plan for winning just flew out the window. “There isn’t a bet.”
Peter smirked. He leaned back again, far enough away that he had to speak conversationally for Tony to hear him.
“Then kiss me, you dumb cunt.”
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Justice Society of America #10 (1993)
Fact: Golden Age heroes didn't have penises.
I was starfished on my bedroom floor tonight staring at the ceiling and thinking about how in my teens and twenties, I could revel in it, thinking, "Who am I? Who will I become? What does life have in store for me?" But a grown ass man doing that simply thinks, "This is it, isn't it?" At least I can lose myself in reading comic books I've already read and which I didn't really enjoy that much the first time. It might sound like a waste of time but it gives my life meaning! The most shallow of meanings, sure. But at least I'm not growing old watching conservative news because I need anything at all to light my passion. I'll say this about Fox News: they understand how old people are so bored they'll watch the dumbest shit and then get mad about it. I know other people who aren't old also watch Fox News. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with them. I guess they have fears and hatreds I hope I'll never truly understand. I just don't understand watching Fox News (or any of the other non-propaganda 24 hour news sites). People do understand there are channels which show programs that make you laugh or feel merry or that simply entertain the other non-lizard parts of your brain, right? How do you pick Fox News when you can watch Sci-fi or Buzzr Comedy Central or the Ru-Paul's Drag Race all day channel? I just realized that the people who watch Fox News basically use Twitter the same way. The majority of my feed are funny people so even when they're discussing politics, it's always entertaining (or fiercely intelligent because witty people are smart. Dumb people think they're witty (see Mike Huckabee)). But when I check out the Twitter feeds of conservatives I know, at best they'll retweet a sports tweet sandwiched between forty retweets of Ben Shapiro and Dinesh Souza. Maybe they think some of the right wing pundits they follow are funny. But calling somebody a mean name or tagging everything "liberal tears" isn't funny. It's the kind of funny that the bully's weasely sidekick guffaws over and then says, "You tell 'em, Jimmy!" Speaking of things bullies would say, it's now time for me to criticize Len Strazewski's Justice Society. Previously, some old fart named Kulak made everybody in the world begin to hate. But they aren't just randomly hating everybody else. They really seem to be bonding over their hatred for the Justice Society of America. Is this story a metaphor about me and my hatred of this comic book? Because that would be a terrible metaphor seeing as how I don't really hate this comic. I wish I did though! I'm old and I need to feel passion! I bet if I hadn't dropped cable eighteen years ago, I'd be addicted to Fox News too! No, I wouldn't be. I'm as liberal as you can be while still making offensive jokes. So not really that liberal, I guess? Maybe I'm socially, economically, and politically liberal. But I'm a complete asshole when it comes to punchlines. Don't get me wrong! I don't make offensive jokes at the expense of people different than me. I make offensive jokes about myself and those Goddamned fucking babies. Fuck those parasitic monsters. This issue begins with Starman finally reappearing.
It really wasn't exciting enough for an announcement of his return. He's just another half-balding old guy. But it lets me talk about the DC Universe show, Stargirl!
I decided to watch Stargirl because what else am I going to do with my life? Finish reading Gravity's Rainbow? I mean, I am going to do that now that I'm done re-reading those awful Lando Calrissian books. But I can't spend all of time reading Pynchon! Just too much of it! I mean, I'm only 18 pages into Gravity's Rainbow (which is further than I've ever gotten on my previous three attempts!) and I'd estimate I don't understand 5% of the words he's used. And that's me being an English Lit major who has been a voracious reader his entire 48 years (minus the ones where I couldn't read yet. Like ten or something?). I was in bed reading and didn't have a dictionary at hand so I just powered through. But I think I need to go back through and learn all of those words so I can impress the local Starbucks barista! Or are people not impressed when you use a word they have nearly zero chance of knowing and don't know you enough to keep the conversation going by asking you what that means and instead just smile and nod and glance occasionally at the tip jar? Anyway, so I've watched three episodes so far and I'll tell you how I feel about it after I mention how I've actually watched four episodes. The first episode I watched, I was impressed with because Courtney was already palling around with a bunch of legacy JSA members and the Injustice Society was trying to tackle the "Who is Stargirl?" problem and I watched it thinking, "This is really impressive how they decided to start in the middle of the story like this. I like it!" Then I went to watch episode two and I was confused because it didn't seem to follow after the previous episode. So I kept thinking, "Maybe this is a flashback?" And then eighteen minutes into it, I thought, "Maybe I didn't watch the pilot episode. I'd better check." And I started watching the first episode which I totally hadn't seen. So I guess I started with Episode 7 or something. Here are some of my tweet-thoughts on the show for those who don't follow me on Twitter (why don't you follow me on twitter? What is wrong with you? Is it because you don't know I'm @GrunionGuy?): Tweet #1: "Sometimes you think maybe you're having inappropriate thoughts but then you check to make sure the actress playing a fifteen year old Stargirl is actually 21 and then you breathe a sigh of relief and think, 'I won't be cancelled today! Unless I tweet this experience, probably.'" Tweet #2: "Sometimes you think maybe you're having inappropriate thoughts but then remember it's okay to fuck a car that's been converted into a giant robot with Luke Wilson inside of it." Tweet #3: "3rd episode of Stargirl begins with a dying white woman's final wish to her white husband that he make the world safe for their white son. She dies and he goes out into the enormous hedge maze garden of his mansion to scream into the sky about the injustice of it all. All in all, a pretty good villain origin!" That third tweet was the only one that really makes any sort of socially acceptable commentary on the show. Saying things like "Stargirl's butt doesn't look like my mouth should be inside of it because she's fifteen although the actress is twenty-one so maybe it actually does look like that?" aren't the greatest things to admit even if you're just joking (which I am but just adding this statement makes it sound like I'm not but I totally am (that "totally" doesn't help but I assure you, I'm joking (did the hole just get deeper?))). I mean, sure, her body is super fit because she's a super hero (or will be?). But she has such a baby face! And even at twenty-one, she's just a baby! If I were younger, I'd totally have a crush on her. But I'm 48 and I just don't consider young women proper targets for my sexual deviance anymore. The only interaction I should have with young women these days is warning them against going out to the summer camp at the lake where that boy drowned so many years ago. The girls I had a crush on when I was younger (Christina Applegate (Kelly Bundy), Winona Ryder (Veronica Sawyer), and Stacie Mistysyn (Caitlin Ryan)), I have even more of a crush on now. Judging by the crushes I've had my whole life and not society's stereotype of women, women definitely get better looking as they get older. And probably as I get older. I'm sure that's part of it although I like to think that fifteen year old me would still look at these nearly fifty (or maybe fifty? I'm not so obsessed I know their ages but they're all around my age anyway) year old women and think, "Holy fuck mommy." I'm sorry for that last comment. But I'm only sorry to God not anybody who was reading this. Oh, I forgot to mention that Joel McHale is the original Starman (I mean original in the show although he's Sylvester Pemberton who was never Starman but only Skyman although in the show he was at one point the Star-Spangled Kid and Luke Wilson does mention Ted Knight at some point). And he's funny in his death scene just like he should be because I've obviously decides Sylvester is Jeff Winger's new superhero secret identity alias. Starman heads off with his Cosmic Buttplug to stop Kulak in Gotham City. He doesn't know it yet but the rest of his pals are currently battling Kulak and probably losing. Although Kulak is even older than they are so maybe it's a fair fight. I'm just surprised that a comic book where old men battle other old men has made it ten issues.
I think some editor was fired last issue and the new editor's only job was to make sure it didn't look like Thunderbolt had been speared through the asshole.
Although this editor seemed to think it was okay to have Hawkgirl fucked from behind by Kulak.
I hope this isn't a terrible conservative take on women that exposes how terrible I am at sex but even mind-controlled, I can't imagine licking a woman's shoulder would elicit that response. Although she could be "Ummming" from his pee-hee in her bee-boo.
I know conservative talking points are generally fucking idiotic but Ben Shapiro somehow thinking women can get "too wet" from sexual excitement might be the most hilariously idiotic. I don't think I've been with a woman who was all, "Yes! Yes! Lick my shoulder blade!" and I then I got super into it and then suddenly she was all, "Nope. Too wet. This isn't working for me anymore. I need a doctor, I guess?" Who am I kidding? I know I've never been with a woman who did that because that would mean I've had to have been with a woman! Also, women get wet down there? What's that about? Is it because the vagina cries at the sight of the penis? Kulak takes away all of their super powers but I guess he forgets that Wildcat doesn't have any so I'm hoping Wildcat just punches him in the face soon. Although that Starman bit probably was a hint at how the coming fight might end. You know, with Starman shoving his Cosmic Buttplug into Kulak's third eye, if you know what I'm saying. You probably do because I called it a Cosmic Buttplug. I should try to be more subtle. Kulak's entire purpose is to get revenge on the Justice Society for defeating him way back in 1940. Can't even one super villain just accept defeat and move on with their lives? Or are writers just always going to be so inherently lazy that they'll never give up the crutch of the villain attacking the hero directly out of revenge for that one single time they tried to actually commit a crime and were stopped? The JSA puts up a fight that helps to drain Kulak's power but it isn't until Starman arrives and does that thing I mentioned with his Cosmic Buttplug that Kulak is defeated.
This is the grossest orgasm I've ever seen and my computer is riddled with viruses from all of the previous ones I've watched.
After Kulak's defeat, Jesse Quick wraps up the issue with her super hero dissertation which is less a dissertation and more of a thorough cleaning of all of their asses with her tongue. She's all, "I didn't really do much research or define heroes too good but the Justice Society of America are my heroes so I deserver a degree, right?" Justice Society of America #10 Rating: B. This comic book was as average as they get. I suppose that should garner a C grade but a B grade just seems to say decent but mediocre. By the time I get down to a C grade, I feel like the comic book needs a lot more faults than "I don't really care about stories with heroes who are having strokes during the battles." It's a valid criticism but it's probably too subjective for a critical review. I know, I know! When has that ever stopped me before? Well, I feel charitable today. It probably has something to do with Mars being so close to the full moon earlier this week. My blood is all riled up and wacky!
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I always felt like Gervais was/is the comic version of Piers Morgan
I can totally see that, anon! Lord.
The biggest criticism I had of Gervais today is that I think he was really lazy. The tweet I made which got a lot of vitriol from people was just saying that I felt he’d written his monologue in his limo on the way to the event, and I stand by it tbh.
Honestly too, in this day and age, with the climate that we’re in - politically, socially, culturally, ecologically - I’m not interested in straight, middle aged, white male comics saying ‘fuck everything’, because honestly like - - fuck you. You got us into this situation on so many levels. How dare you act like you’re somehow removed from situations, how dare you act like you haven’t in some way been complicit, how dare you get up and think that because of your race and your sex and your privilege, you’ve earned my time as an audience without putting in any effort.
I mean, sure, the Golden Globes is an awards show, and an average one at best, y’know? It’s silly, it’s a bit of a wank, but he signed up for it! He agreed to host, nobody put a gun to his head and made him do it, and honestly I feel like he pissed on everybody’s time, undermined the achievements he was supposed to be honouring and basically made fun of everyone for caring while not taking any opportunity to draw attention to places people should be directing their attention instead - a point made remarkably stark by so many actors drawing attention to the bushfires and, god, even Pierce Brosnan’s sons talking about their new project aiming to help feed kids who can’t afford to eat.
I’m really over apolitical comedy, I’m really over jaded comics who tell me they don’t care about anything over and over again, because if they don’t care about us - in this enormous, busted share house we call the world, why the hell should I care about their shitty, lazy stand up act?
Blergh, haha. It bothers me, sorry!
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Dear Yuletide Author - 2020
Thank you for your time and attention, and I hope your wishes are granted this holiday season!
Likes:
I prefer plot and angst and adventure to fluff, though a nice warm fluffy scene can make a good dessert at the end of the pain and suffering. I lean more to f/f and m/f than m/m. I enjoy forbidden relationships. I love exploring the 'what if' spinoffs of a small change in a canon. I swoon for lovers who take dramatic risks to protect their loved ones.
I also enjoy detailed description of clothing/furniture/jewelry/pretty things in general. Not just heaping up brand names, but sensory detail.
Dislikes:
Please avoid sweeping tropey AUs like 'what if noir' or 'what if everyone was in high school'. I'm REALLY picky about comedy so it's probably not a good idea to go for wacky funny stuff. No excited rambling about pregnancy or babies. (Older kids are okay.) While I am okay with pretty dark stuff, please don't gorily torture characters to death on screen. If people gotta die, limit the details! I am generally not keen on crossovers. I dislike PWP unless it is exceedingly hot smut (see below).
Smut:
I don't require it, but I do read a good bit of filthy porn.
Kinks I find interesting: mild bdsm, pain mixed with pleasure, dubcon, sibling or cousin incest, strap-ons, futanari and other magical appendages, teasing, teenagers, drugs/magic with interesting effects, people making terrible decisions due to being emotionally overwrought or really really horny
SMUTTY DO NOT WANTS:
rape or painful sex that one party is not enjoying at all, inserting anything edible (licking off boobs is okay), aggressive face-fucking, choking, degradation, scat/watersports, bukkake, parental incest, anyone younger than teen, emphasis on 'virgin blood' (some writers make it a huge deal with tearing pain and fountains of blood, please don't).
-
Wayward Children
Jill Wolcott
Down Among The Sticks And Bones is my absolute favorite of this series. I love both Jack and Jill, but everybody loves Jack. Let's talk about Jill. Let's talk about a hungry girl who wanted things, fiercely, who wanted to be pretty and special and loved, and who was left behind by a sister who chose to save herself and never look back. A girl who was deliberately cut off from friendship by the father-master who made himself her only source of love.
What if Jack and Jill maintained more contact during those formative years in the Moors, meeting in secret and trying (and probably failing) to rekindle their bond and to convince each other to appreciate their choices? What if Jill softened, and her certainty faltered?
What if both Jack and Jill had grown up without disruption in the Moors, becoming a vampire and a mad scientist, in balance and at odds? How would they interact and conflict as adults?
What happened with Jill and her friends, the ones she played with around the fountain before the Master killed them? Who were they? What did she think happened to them, and how did she react? Did they ALL die, or just enough to scare the other villagers into shunning Jill? How did she deal with the rejection?
What if she'd chosen some other method of being ruthless? Captured Alexis and locked her in the dungeons to be a plaything? Or some other village child, kept in secret, to be her pet and her 'friend'? Or perhaps captured people and brought them to her 'father' as offerings for his appetite, to prove herself?
What were days like, living with her Master? (And yes that could get kinky or creepy)
What went through her mind during EHAD? What triggered her to start her plan? Did she consider that she was behaving more like a mad scientist than a vampire princess? What did she think about Jack? Did she plan to kill Jack eventually? If Jack had abandoned Jill at the school and opened her door home alone, might Jill have succeeded in creating a key and come seeking vengeance?
Disregarding Come Tumbling Down, what else might have happened to Jill after her resurrection? If the Master rejected her, might she have gone in search of even darker powers? Do rules normally govern the fate of failed apprentices? (After all, Mary's still alive despite rejecting the Master, but apparently bound to serve him.)
Basically I'm open to a TON of ideas here but I want to stick with stories from the first two books and leave out what happened later. Bring on the angst. Let Jill suffer in tragedies of her own making, but give her sympathy as well. Maybe she’s redeemed! ... Maybe not.
VIOLENCE: I'm okay with murder and blood and torture in this canon, just try to make it more poetic than gross. You can imply she broke someone's fingers with snaps and screams, but I don't need descriptions of what somebody's kidneys look like.
TRAGEDY: You can cut my heart out on this one if you want to. Any character can die, including Jill. I don’t require either a happy or a sad ending, but I might enjoy the tension of having no idea which way it’s going to turn out.
IF YOU WANT TO WRITE SMUT: Jill/Jack, Jill/Master, Jill/Mary, Jill/Some random villager, these are all fine. Jill/Alexis is better as a horror element than as a smut one, I don't want to read sex if one party isn't at least reluctantly enjoying it.
DNW: Jill/Kade.
-
Poison Ivy (1992 film)
Sylvie Cooper, Ivy
I was struggling through the confusions of puberty, Ivy was hot, this film left an impression on me. In a way it's perfect as it is, and trying to build any sort of happy ending for Ivy feels out of place, but on the other hand there's a lot of loose ends left after the story.
Throughout the film, there's a lot the audience never knows about Ivy, including her legal name. Did Coop know it? (Maybe, probably.) Did her father? (Quite possibly not). How do they handle all the legal responsibilities of her death? Were Ivy's stories about the aunt she was staying with true? How do they break the news? How does her funeral go?
What do Sylvie and her father have to say to each other about Ivy after the truth comes out? Does he admit everything that he did? How does he handle the guilt? How do they rebuild their relationship?
What is school like, afterwards? What rumors escape? How does Coop handle them?
Or - what if Ivy survives the fall? Seriously injured, possibly paralysed, but alive? How do they deal with her, once the truth comes out? Do they cover up her crimes? Do they keep her in their home? What happens to their relationships?
For AUs, what would have happened if Ivy had met Coop when they were several years younger, so she couldn't get her hooks into Darryl as easily? What if they met at summer camp and Ivy was just as messed-up and needy but the situations were different? What if the movie plot is actually a fantasy younger-Ivy spins about her future to her fascinated-and-appalled friend, who then has a chance to react to it?
IF YOU WANT TO WRITE SMUT: I'm fine with Sylvie/Ivy, I'm okay with Darryl/Ivy but I would rather he not be the focus of the story (Sylvie catching them having sex has possibilities, or Ivy thinking about Sylvie while seducing Darryl)
DNW: Anyone other than Ivy to die, Ivy to marry Darryl
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Xanth - Piers Anthony
Jenny Elf, Gwendolyn Goblin
I have an ulterior motive, I badly want to insert some gayness into Xanth after the author has tried so hard to make it impossible, even allegedly threatening magical straightjackets to cure homosexuality. And it is difficult to think of a good f/f pairing because female characters in Xanth are almost completely obsessed with flashing their panties and attracting men. Almost the only good female friendship actually on-page (as opposed to a vague comment that Ivy and Nada used to hang out) is Jenny/Gwenny, who are best friends.
The events of The Color Of Her Panties even provide some possible groundwork to build on. They've been raised together in the care of centaurs who have different views on morality/sexuality than humans do. They're forced to think about sex and be inducted into the Adult Conspiracy together. Gwenny's new contacts mean that she starts seeing other people's sexual fantasies (and Jenny does too, for a while). They're bound to have some good girly gossip on the subject at some point, talking about what all these weirdoes are into and trying to figure out what the appeal is! Or some simple "ugh boys are gross, especially goblin boys" that leads to pushing them closer together. (Well, Che is quite different from the goblin boys, and I'm not totally opposed to including him, but my ulterior motive makes me more interested in Jenny/Gwenny as a couple than all of them as an OT3.)
Straightforward romance: Gwenny relies on Jenny to cheer her up and help her relax from her duties. Romance blossoms! Simple.
Silly fluff: Gwenny and Jenny visit the Pantry, try on tons of lingerie together, have a ridiculous slumber party and pillow fight, end up snogging... maybe they even accidentally found Dolph and Electra's honeymoon chamber.
For a slightly more dramatic plot, Gwenny's bound to feel like she has to marry and have a child because goblins have hereditary rulership. She also knows all the good and bad sides of that - she would never have come to power without those rules, but those rules also made her bastard half-brother a threat when he would have been a terrible leader. And she knows that true family is what you choose, not just an accident of birth. Will she decide that she has to have a husband? Will she decide that she cannot have a husband, who might threaten her power, but must give birth to a child for the succession? (And hey, magic can be involved, she can TOTALLY find a way to summon the stork with Jenny somehow) Or what about adoption?
If you smut it, I don't care if they're still as young as they were in TCOHP (but no younger). I'm also fine with them being older. I would rather not do any temporary sex-change because that defeats my ulterior motive, but weird uses for Xanth-style magic stuff could be entertaining.
If the real-world implications of Jenny Elf bother you, I'll settle for Ivy/Nada, but that's going to need a lot more imagination to get a satisfying story out of it. How does their friendship develop between Isle of View and Man from Mundania, other than gossipping about their respective brothers? Do they have any adventures? How does Ivy cope with Nada's occasional self-destructive tendencies? How does Electra fit into their group?
DNW: Tragic endings, any references to canon post The Color Of Her Panties
-
My Little Pony Megan, Wind Whistler
Wind Whistler needs more love. I will be perfectly content with any fantasy adventure story featuring the G1 / MLP&Friends characters facing dramatic fantasy peril and saving the day with some help from Wind Whistler's brains. I loved Tambelon and Midnight Castle and The End Of Flutter Valley and all sorts of mystical threats, so throw some big old magical doom at me. I don't really want any permanent harm to come to anyone, it feels out of tone for a show adventure, but you can tie Megan up and have her suspended over certain death and rescued at the last minute by Wind Whistler swooping in or whatever.
Please avoid any references to Friendship is Magic locations/characters/etc, I actually haven't watched it and will just be confused.
Now, if you want to cater to my weird midnight thoughts...
Megan and Wind Whistler were close. Very close. And ponies having crushes on human-shaped people was canon. And Wind Whistler is not always good at dealing with her heart. Imagine the angst potential of these two developing feelings for each other. How do they cope? Do they maintain a romantic friendship while supporting each other in other relationships? Do they remain together, chastely bonded, all their lives? What if Wind Whistler found a way to take human form? How would she cope with giving up her wings for Megan? (Could be a bit of a Little Mermaid plotline there).
Given the in-cartoon existence of Mama and Baby versions of the same pony, and no Papa pony ever, suggesting you can have identical offspring with no father needed, do ponies actually reproduce through some sort of magical stork/cabbage-patch scenario? And if so, could weird pony hybrids start showing up if the ponies socialise too much with other creatures?
SMUT: Only if Wind Whistler takes on human form, and only as a small element of the story, that's really not what I'm here for with this request. (But being able to take on human form only once and having only one night together would hit my taste for angst.)
DNW: Sex involving ponies, canon-atypical violence/injuries/death.
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Justice League Dark #16
The next Wonder Woman series should just be Wonder Woman tying up Republicans so they'll finally tell the fucking truth about something.
Oh! I should have Photoshopped Sean Hannity's face onto Eclipso's.
Speaking of lack of self-awareness, my high school friend, Soy Rakelson, used to quote Yeats' quote from "The Second Coming": "The best lack all conviction while the worst are full of passionate intensity." Which was a weird thing to quote because he was the one full of passionate intensity while I was all, "Are we going to get this Cyberpunk game going or are you going to try to trap me in one of your theological mind traps again?" Maybe he was just complimenting me! Eclipso reveals he doesn't need a mouth to talk. But then he makes himself a new mouth anyway because, like, it's easier to talk with a mouth, I guess?
Why am I suddenly horny?
Apparently Wonder Woman is in the collective unconscious and not just on the moon. I don't remember Jung saying that the collective unconscious is where witches go when they die. But then maybe I didn't read the whole book because I fell asleep while reading it and then dreamed that I'd finished reading it and then woke up and thought, "That was probably good enough, right?"
The collective unconscious is haunted by flame-headed Sgt. Pepper.
How do you think Wonder Woman keeps her boobs from flopping out? Probably magic, right?
If this isn't a visual representation of menses then I'm a virgin.
What that caption is saying is that it totally is a visual representation of menses and that I've had loads and loads of sex. With a partner even! Human!
If this isn't a visual representation of an ass and vagina then I'm a virgin? Whatever. I'm definitely still horny.
How the fuck did Simon Bisley get ousted at DC for drawing a penis in Lobo's musculature but this porn-laden issue was acceptable?! Oh, that's Man-Bat's new form, by the way. The scariest ass and vagina you've ever seen! Which sucks if it's the first one you've ever seen. But this being the Internet age, it would be pretty sad if you hadn't seen one yet. Can anybody send me links to some pictures? Or at least tell me how to disable Google Safe Search? Detective Chimp, Lame Doctor Fate, and Swamp Compost need to figure out how to stop mutant Man-Bat before he fucks up the whole Eclipso seance. According to the cover, they're going to destroy him but lose their hats and one arm in the process. Meanwhile on the moon, the artist is plagiarizing Sailor Moon R
Just seeing this image causes "Moon Revenge" to begin playing in my head.
Flame-headed Sgt. Pepper (or "Circe" as some people call her) begins telling the origin story of Hecate. Somehow, Hecate was more powerful than God or something. She was the light of the moon but she had no opposite but you have to have an opposite or there is no balance! That's just stone cold logic. Her real opposite was The Upside Down Man. But since he was trapped in some other dimension, other powerful gods created Eclipso to keep Hecate in check. Circe has taken Hecate's power and now she's going to wield Eclipso's power as well by using the Black Diamond. Then nobody will be able to stop her because she will be all balance! That totally checks out, right? Has Tynion rationalized magic enough for you so that you don't roll your eyes and make jerk off motions about his plot? I was just beginning to think, "This is fucking ridiculous!" But then he explained it so logically and rationally that now I'm all, "This is fucking brilliant!" I love when magic has all the magic taken out of it! Maybe James Tynion IV is the yang to Snyder's yin! It's the only way either one can exist! Constantine shows up to help Detective Chimp figure out what's going on. Or maybe he just shows up to drink with him. Has there ever been a Constantine/Detective Chimp team-up series? Because these guys would probably make an entertaining team. Wonder Woman fucks up and Circe takes over her body, leaving Diana trapped in the collective unconscious. It should be easy to get a message to the others from the collective unconscious, right? Once Circe takes control, Doom takes over the world and everybody is fucked. Next month, every comic should be labeled "Doom Risen," I'm guessing. Justice League Dark #16 Final Thoughts: I was about to start typing when my cat Gravy jumped in my lap so I guess I'm done here!
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This Week in Gundam Wing October 1st-7th, 2017
Here’s this weeks round-up of amazing Gundam Wing fandom thrills! Hope you all enjoy them!
~Mod Hel
Fanfiction:
@ahsimwithsake
Part 2 http://ahsimwithsake.tumblr.com/post/166124746113/part-2-of-my-super-self-indulgent-ffxvgw-mashup
Gundam Wing/FFXV crossover
(It’s awesome, read it!)
@anaranesindanarie
Death Unspeaking (Ch. 7) https://archiveofourown.org/works/11483196/chapters/27957420
Trowa Barton/Duo Maxwell
Mute!Duo, Gundams, Eventual Canon Divergence, Mobile Suits, Fighting, Homelessness, Maxwell Church, Sign Language
@claraxbarton
High Dive (Ch. 2) http://archiveofourown.org/works/12190773/chapters/27799281
While out walking his ex’s dog, Duo discovers something quite unexpected about his attractive and aloof neighbor.
Pairings: 2x5
Warnings: smut, language, D/s
Wide Eyes https://archiveofourown.org/works/12283347
Relationships: Chang Wufei/Duo Maxwell, Trowa Barton/Heero Yuy
Characters: Duo Maxwell, Chang Wufei, Trowa Barton, Heero Yuy
Additional Tags: Accidental Sex prompts, okay but I failed, but still
Summary: A weekend at a mansion on Long Island opens Wufei’s eyes to some new possibilities.
Silver Strand (Ch. 4) https://archiveofourown.org/works/11439333/chapters/27958440
Duo Maxwell/Heero Yuy, Chang Wufei/Duo Maxwell, Trowa Barton/Duo Maxwell, Treize Khushrenada/Duo Maxwell, Trowa Barton/Chang Wufei/Duo Maxwell, Trowa Barton/Chang Wufei, Relena Peacecraft/Hilde Schbeiker, Lucrezia Noin/Sally Po, Zechs Merquise/Quatre Raberba Winner, Dorothy Catalonia/Heero Yuy
angst, language, violence, character death, drugs, sex
Summary: The world had shifted, boundaries had been crossed, right and wrong had long ago been abandoned. A dark story of revenge, love, loss and drug smuggling. AU set in Coronado, California in the 1970s. Based on/Inspired by Joshuah Bearman’s “Coronado High”
@fadedsepiascribbles
Everything but the squeal... https://archiveofourown.org/works/12296454
A brief look at the day-to-day life of two boys.
Duo Maxwell, Quatre Raberba Winner
@graydama
Driving School https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12672946/1/Driving-School
Odin Darlin, Inari, and Peggy as OCs.
Posted to GW OC October
@helmistress
How to Love an Axe Murderer http://archiveofourown.org/works/12263703
Follow up fic for Kangofu_CB’s Hypnotic
1X4, 2X3, Dorothy, Quatre, and Sylvia are slightly evil. >_>
Quatre also holds petty grudges...
Quatre gets revenge on Duo for planting the 'Axe Murderer' criteria in Heero's head before their first date.
Illy-chan e Grupo GW Traducoes
Normal People (Ch. 6) https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12608560/6/Normal-People
Projeto Pilotos Gundam Wing: Semana Wufei Chang. Autora: In2lalaLand. Tradução Autorizada. 2x5x2. YAOI. Tradutora: Illy-chan HimuraWakai. Temos preconceitos contra os que são diferentes, mas não significa eles também não tenham seus preconceitos. O que acontece quando Duo, recém-chegado e jogador de basquete, se apaixona pelo gótico Wufei, que odeia esportistas?
Growing Up (Ch. 7) https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12595537/7/Growing-Up
Projeto Pilotos Gundam Wing: Semana Wufei Chang. Autora: Celina Fairy. Tradução Autorizada. 5x1, 1x5, 5x1x2 YAOI. Tradutora: Illy-chan H.Wakai. Wufei perde a paciência e decide, com Heero, fazer um aluno de trança - que não perde a chance de infernizar os dois namorados com toda a sorte de brincadeiras cretinas - aprender que, às vezes, "O feitiço pode virar contra o feiticeiro".
Everybody Breaks (Ch. 3) https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12598428/3/Everybody-Breaks
Projeto Pilotos Gundam Wing: Semana Wufei Chang Autora: Kai. Tradução Autorizada. 1x2x5x3x4. YAOI. Tradutora: Illy-chan HimuraWakai. Algumas fotos 'interessantes' aparecem no email de Wufei, um dia, e fazem as coisas finalmente entrar nos eixos em sua mente... e o ajudam a ganhar liberdade e a se libertar de seu próprio passado - em busca de um futuro com os outros quatro pilotos.
@kangofu-cb
Hypnotic http://archiveofourown.org/works/12251937
Rating: Explicit
Relationships: Quatre Raberba Winner/Heero Yuy, background Duo Maxwell/Trowa Barton
Characters: Quatre Raberba Winner, Heero Yuy, Duo Maxwell, mention of Trowa but no actual appearance
Additional Tags: abject filthy smut, no redeeming qualities, Just Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, First Date, Tropes, Alternate Universe
Summary: Heero goes on a blind date, one he hopes isn’t an axe murderer, and it ends VERY well.
@lifeaftermeteor
LAM snippet https://lifeaftermeteor.tumblr.com/post/166160120939/winner-family-compound-l4-v05001-4-may-207-quatre
Winner Family Compound L4-V05001 4 May 207
Features Quatre calling in to Trowa and Iria.
Lord Raa
Heero Sandwich (Ch. 11) https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12594063/11/Heero-Sandwich
Nobody asked for this, especially not Heero Yuy, but here we are all the same. Prepare for a "comedy" with some adult content. If the chapters feel truncated, then you might want to look for a certain Fanfiction Forum on the (dot) net for a more complete experience.
luvsanime02
Conduit https://archiveofourown.org/works/12283068
2X4, Kinktober
Quatre can't ever forget how much he means to Duo when the emotions are always right there.
Turbulence (Ch. 6) https://archiveofourown.org/works/11927283/chapters/27812673
Original Characters, Sally Po, Chang Wufei, Heero Yuy
Preventers (Gundam Wing), Post-Series, Politics, Slurs
The story about what Agent Frank Parks has been up to between Evasion and now.
This is the seventh story in Navigation, a fem!Heero series.
Begging to be Told https://archiveofourown.org/works/12270564
Wufei is simply returning Duo's cat, but somehow the situation turns into something more.
2X5, Kinktober
Prelude to a Dream https://archiveofourown.org/works/12269742
Duo and Quatre are both tired, both some things are worth demonstrating before they finally fall asleep.
2X4, Kinktober
Celebrationem https://archiveofourown.org/works/12282999
Duo gives Zechs his birthday present.
2X6, Kinktober
Maldoror_Chant
The Source of All Things (Ch. 3) https://archiveofourown.org/works/12121344/chapters/27808335
Trowa Barton/Quatre Raberba Winner, Eventual Chang Wufei/Duo Maxwell, Even more eventual 1x2x5
Center, a planet where magic and technology blend. Or more accurately, fight tooth and nail. A planet of Sources, holes in our boring dimension letting through arcane power, chaos and pseudo-deities. In this hot-house of myths and very real dangers, Trowa and Quatre find a mysterious man at the end of a shamanic voyage. Portents suggest this Heero Yuy is crucial to Center’s survival. He’s important enough to have some interesting enemies after him, at any rate: a devious killer and thief called ‘Shinigami’, and a very irate Dragon. Beyond them looms an even greater threat. Indeed, the greatest of them all.
(Alternative Universe, far-flung future sci-fi/fantasy. There are elements from the anime that exist here, albeit in very different forms; Gundam mechas, Zero, and lovely G-boys for instance. They are perhaps a universal constant we are not yet aware of.
This fic was original started over a decade ago. It has been heavily rewritten and should now be eventually finished)
The Arrangement (Ch. 22) https://archiveofourown.org/works/12131427/chapters/27928350
1X5
Wufei, struggling with his demons, agrees to a wartime fling with Heero, no affection needed or wanted. But the 'arrangement' lasts and grows as they join the preventers. It could become a source of strength for both. If they let it.
Mistaken-Miracles
When the Tides Change (Ch. 39) https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12432602/39/When-The-Tides-Change
Preventers learn of a new underground rebellion group, along with the arrival of a new ally. Can Heero put his feelings aside to trust this ally or will new discoveries create tension between the Gundam Pilots? Can they work together to keep the peace? Or are there too many complications to control?
@outofworkshinigami / @shinigami-of-excellence
Even Supervillains Need Sick Days http://archiveofourown.org/works/12264510
Pairings: 11x13, implied 11x13x6
Characters: Lady Une, Treize Khushrenada
Genre: hurt/comfort, sickfic
Warnings: very short vomit scene, can be skipped over; no other warnings apply (very mild fic for me, I know)
Summary: Treize has a habit of overworking himself. Sometimes (many times), the only thing stopping him from speaking, schmoozing, and battling himself into the grave is Lady Une.
Inspired by this and this.
@remsyk-blog
Blooming For You (Ch. 8) https://archiveofourown.org/works/11981688/chapters/27911874
"You made flowers grow in my lungs, and though they are beautiful, I can't fucking breathe."
Duo has silently loved for them for years. He watched them find each other, yet the feelings still remained. But now the love he's carried for so long may become the thing that ends him.
1X3, 1X2X3
Scarlet Eve
Last Resistance to Peace (Ch. 24) https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12270582/24/Last-Resistance-to-Peace
[Alternate Timeline] The Romefeller Foundation was once a quiet group of charitable aristocrats. After the announcement of their military branch, OZ, and the Gundams, Queen Relena Peacecraft's fears have been confirmed. Romefeller will stop at nothing to rule the planet under one government. But Relena and the Gundam pilots won't allow their fate to be chosen for them.
Shadow-Hawk2
Imperial Guard (Ch. 73) https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12559874/73/Imperial-Guard
Duo Maxwell is trapped in another part of the galaxy far from all that he knows and the woman he loves. He must learn to survive among primitive violent people and accept that he may never be able to return to Earth.
Shinigamiinochi
Stagnation of Love (rewrite) (Ch. 68) https://archiveofourown.org/works/2490005/chapters/27824658
(Chapter 8, Part 23)
Heero Yuy/Duo Maxwell, Quatre Raberba Winner/Trowa Barton, Trowa Barton/Duo Maxwell, Heero Yuy/Relena Darlian, OC/Duo Maxwell
Duo Maxwell, Heero Yuy, Relena Darlian, Zechs
Child Abuse, Bullying, Angst, Suicide, Incest, Alternate Universe
Duo continues to struggle balancing all of his secrets and two lives while keeping Heero in the dark, but the weight of his problems quickly starts to see him making fatal mistakes.
StrawberryWaltz
The Forgotten (Ch. 9) https://archiveofourown.org/works/11686344/chapters/27950751
Quatre Raberba Winner/Heero Yuy, Quatre Raberba Winner/Original Male Character(s), Past Quatre/Trowa
The entire universe thinks that Quatre Winner is dead, but when Heero starts having strange black outs he begins to realize the rumors of Quatre's death might not be true.
Tahiri-Chan
Studio 10 (Ch. 7) https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12623011/7/Studio-10
*UPDATE Chapitre 7* Quand on a 16 ans, et que la vie ne vous a laissé aucun répit, il faut du courage pour aller de l'avant ! Et faire les rencontres qui changeront vos vies...
TheHiddenBaroness
Resurrecting the Viper (Ch. 17) https://archiveofourown.org/works/10938852/chapters/27923703
Following a routine visit to Vingolf, Orga, Mikazuki and Merribit are surprised by the sudden appearance of a practically naked, injured woman. Although Artima seems to have full recollection of who she is, she does not seem to understand the outside world. Against Orga's better judgment, the Isaribi is soon entangled in Artima's quest to find and destroy her old mobile suit - and discover both she and it are relics from over three hundred years ago that could hold the key to Tekkadan's future.
TheManwell
May Demons Rest: Shinigami Sleeps (2017) (Ch. 24 & 25) http://archiveofourown.org/works/10944786/chapters/27794595
2X3, Language warnings
Fanart:
Aleximusprime
https://aleximusprime.deviantart.com/art/The-Wing-Gundam-707943103
Chibi Wing Gundam, model
@alpha2nd2006
http://alpha2nd2006.tumblr.com/post/166117746417/inktober-day-6-day-6-favorite-relationship-s
Trowa Barton, Heero Yuy, Duo Maxwell, Quatre Raberba Winner, WuFei Chang
Chasingartwork
https://chasingartwork.deviantart.com/art/Broken-Waltz-707584067
Wing Gundam
@chronicwhimsy
http://chronicwhimsy.tumblr.com/post/165928656728/october-l2-preventers-branch
OCs from Salvage (http://archiveofourown.org/works/8175788/chapters/18731570)
http://chronicwhimsy.tumblr.com/post/165945242042/so-today-salvage-is-celebrating-1-year-since-the
Salvage fanart. Duo Maxwell & WuFei Chang.
http://chronicwhimsy.tumblr.com/post/165982166077/inktober-day-2-more-of-these-nerds
Duo Maxwell, WuFei Chang
http://chronicwhimsy.tumblr.com/post/166016414277/inktober-day-3-am-i-going-to-spend-all-month
WuFei Chang & Duo Maxwell cuddles!
http://chronicwhimsy.tumblr.com/post/166051968227/inktober-day-4-ive-been-watching-cardcaptor
WuFei Chang, Duo Maxwell, Trowa Barton
http://chronicwhimsy.tumblr.com/post/166086407397/inktober-day-5-aka-dammit-maxwell-i-will-find-a
Duo Maxwell
http://chronicwhimsy.tumblr.com/post/166117147102/thelaughingstar-i-know-you-are-having-a-bad-day
Duo Maxwell, WuFei Chang
http://chronicwhimsy.tumblr.com/post/166152381227/inktober-day-7-mah-boi-kickin-ass
Duo Maxwell
@downwarddnaspiral
http://downwarddnaspiral.tumblr.com/post/165943804921/grumpy-wufei-he-got-tired-of-his-shirt-my
WuFei Chang (lines)
http://downwarddnaspiral.tumblr.com/post/165942214001/my-proportions-are-off-today-i-have-days-where-i
Relena Darlian/Peacecraft (lines)
http://downwarddnaspiral.tumblr.com/post/165995898466/downwarddnaspiral-relena-in-color-slightly
Relena Darlian/Peacecraft (colored)
@endlesschaoscosart
https://endlesschaoscosart.tumblr.com/post/166056205461/trowa-barton-oh-youre-my-pretty-thing
Trowa Barton
@graydama
https://graydama.tumblr.com/post/165943884420/driving-school
Driving School fan art!
Odin and Inari
Posted to GW OC October
@helmistress
https://talliya.deviantart.com/art/Meilan-Long-708100867
Meilan Long
Jetna250
https://jetna250.deviantart.com/art/RG-XXXG-00W0-Wing-Gundam-Zero-EW-2-708070061
Wing Zero, model
https://jetna250.deviantart.com/art/RG-XXXG-00W0-Wing-Gundam-Zero-EW-708069220
Wing Zero, model
Murumokirby360
https://murumokirby360.deviantart.com/art/Deathscythe-Hell-Chowder-707195203
Chowder as Deathsycthe Hell
@oldnewtype
https://oldnewtype.tumblr.com/post/166017614375/this-is-a-pretty-old-one-i-built-in-2012-the-160
Wing Gundam, model
@pawedprints / @fantwirls
http://pawedprints.tumblr.com/post/166091495618/inktober-day-5
Duo Maxwell
Rubatosian-Force
https://rubatosian-force.deviantart.com/art/TRAUMA-grey-scale-708398038
Heero Yuy
@sctvita1988
https://sctvita1988.tumblr.com/post/165941824329/nxedge-style-ms-unit-wing-gundam-zero-the-ew
Wing Gundam, model
@specopsmk2
http://specopsmk2.tumblr.com/post/166016261222/been-watching-gundam-wing-for-the-first-time-and
Tallgeese
TheBRSteamer95
https://thebrsteamer95.deviantart.com/art/SFM-Gundam-Breaker-2-Wing-Zero-Scene-708312865
Wing Zero
https://thebrsteamer95.deviantart.com/art/SFM-Wing-Gundam-and-Barbatos-707368829
Wing Gundam and Barbatos
@vegalume
http://vegalume.tumblr.com/post/166040070415/the-color-washed-out-a-little-my-wall-of-g-boys
Heero Yuy, Duo Maxwell, Trowa Barton, Quatre Raberba Winner, WuFei Chang, Milliardo Peacecraft/Zechs Merquise, Treize Khushrenada
http://vegalume.tumblr.com/post/166039122310/my-two-newest-paintings-i-just-finished-treize
Zechs & Treize close-up
http://vegalume.tumblr.com/post/166129273815/hee-hee
Heero Yuy
Cosplay:
Hezakota
https://hezakota.deviantart.com/art/Duo-Maxwell-from-Gundam-Wing-708094286
Duo Maxwell
No Idea What To Put This Under:
@gwepisode50
https://gw-ficrecfriday.tumblr.com/post/165941397916/the-unified-earth-borders-and-politics
The Unified Earth, borders, and politics
Thoughts/Discussion
Calendar Events:
Gundam Wing Eve War Event @gw-evewar
https://gw-evewar.tumblr.com/post/164079261510/an-open-gundam-wing-fandom-community-science
Open Science Fiction Themed Event
(Saturday) December 23, 2017 - (Sunday) December 24, 2017
*** event will be observing Universal Coordinated Time (UTC) ***
Submissions: Fanfiction, Meta essays, Personal Headcanon, Fan Art
Rules: All works must feature a science fiction theme. Alternate Universes, and cross-over fiction are welcome. There are no limits to characters, pairings, audience rating, time frame or universe.
OC October @gwoc-october
https://gwoc-october.tumblr.com/post/164521028355/update
For the month of October, we can post everything and anything pertaining to fan OCs in Gundam Wing with weekly themes and perhaps a featured OC every other day or so. This includes fic, snippets, art, OC profiles, headcanons, ships, discussions, and anything you have as long as it’s about an OC. Even if this OC of yours is still in the mulling-stages, we want to hear about it! Let’s embrace OCs and celebrate our collective awesomeness.
Unnatural November @gwblockparty
https://gwblockparty.tumblr.com/post/165669240206/unnatural-november-is-coming
The entire month of November.
Supernatural, Otherworldly, Spooky, Alien Techy, Unnatural things will all be taken! Join the fun!
Archives/Sites:
Gundam Wing Pod Fics on AO3
https://archiveofourown.org/works?utf8=%E2%9C%93&work_search%5Bsort_column%5D=revised_at&work_search%5Bother_tag_names%5D=podfic&work_search%5Bquery%5D=&work_search%5Blanguage_id%5D=&work_search%5Bcomplete%5D=0&commit=Sort+and+Filter&tag_id=Gundam+Wing
Come and take a listen!
Gundam Wing fanfiction Archive List by @vegalume
https://gundamwingarchive.wixsite.com/fanfiction
Talliya’s Domain by @helmistress
https://ayeeshadragon.wixsite.com/talliya/links
Gundam Wing Diaries Fanfiction Archive by ShenLong
http://www.gundam-wing-diaries.foreverfandom.net/gw/main_Updates.htm
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this post is Marina’s List Of Favorite and/or Iconic Music Videos
this could also be subtitled as: if you truly want to understand me as a person, watch these videos because it’ll answer a lot of questions
it’s gonna be a long one so i’ll pop it under a cut
alright we goin by artist then chronological
AIDEN
knife blood nightmare - this is iconic for me simply bc i rly wanted to look like wil in this video so bad in 6th grade.
die romantic - WHAT A BOP. i used to do my black eyeshadow like wil in this video too lmao
ALL TIME LOW
poppin champagne - because blonde alex and also?? honestly?? what a wild video. this is truly late 00s oversaturated pop punk at its finest
i feel like dancin - i’m not the biggest fan of this record or even this song in general but this is like, quintessential all time low to me video-wise. like. it’s everything i want from an all time low video.
ARCHITECTS
follow the water - or as sam carter says, follow the wah-uh. first of all i love that this is in a church. second of all when will i get to go to an architects show this lit here in the states
heartburn - bc they all look pretty. ok. aesthetically on point as well.
AVENGED SEVENFOLD
beast and the harlot - i don’t always bop this song but when i do, the whole cul de sac does too. no but really this was so influential to middle school me i wanted nothing more than a boyfriend who looked like zacky or jimmy and whatever eyeshadows zacky was wearing in this clip
BLINK 182
i miss you - the video that inspired this post. THE AESTHETIQUE. 20′s inspired romantigoth film noir. i don’t yell about this music video enough.
BRING ME THE HORIZON
chelsea smile - it’s literally just a house part video but the song literally defines the year 2009 for me. emetophobia warning at 1:08
it never ends - this video got mad shit but i love it. pretty heavy gore throughout this video
alligator blood - CREEPY ASS AESTHETIC SHIT!!!! i live for it. 16 y/o me had it so bad for matt nicholls and him getting tied up and violated was like, god tier for me
visions - more creepy aesthetic shit. the videos on there is a hell were underrated
THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA
hey john what’s your name again? - i gotta throw this one in just bc this hurls my ass right back to the year 2008. that bible imagery. those haircuts. it was a better time for music
html rules d00d - THIS SONG STILL SLAPS LMAO DON’T READ ME
ELISSA FRANCESCHI
salt - i’m not crying you’re crying!!! how did anne and christian franceschi manage to spawn two flawless and talented siblings!!!!!!
EVERY TIME I DIE
ebolarama - it’s a performance video in a roller rink what more could you want
wanderlust - you’ve probably caught on to the fact that i love creepy aesthetic shit.
decayin with the boys - THIS VIDEO HAS ME HOWLING. there are too many good moments to list here but the personal highlight is the dude admiring the lesbians making out, then he turns and admires they gays making out at about the 1:30 mark. also the jenga dream sequence. there’s a dick in this video, just a heads up. and a whole bootyass. i love andy williams. mild emetophobia tw at 2:30
FOXY SHAZAM
a dangerous man - eric nally’s screeching was the soundtrack of 2008
i like it - the chorus of this song is literally just “that’s the biggest black ass i’ve ever seen and i like it” and i have nothing more to say
holy touch - it’s a performance video but it’s. different. i really don’t wanna ruin this by saying too much about it. that’s just kinda how foxy shazam were. this song is a fucking banger. yes, they did have a trumpet player in the official lineup.
FRNKIERO ANDTHE CELLABRATION
joyriding - another performance video that’s. different. lmao. aesthetically perfect
GOOD CHARLOTTE
lifestyles of the rich and famous - the proletariat banger we weren’t ready for in 2002, but we’re ready now.
girls and boys - old people being punk rock. that’s all.
predictable - i SPECIFICALLY remember watching this on the good charlotte website the day this dropped. THE EARLY 2000S BAD CG IS REAL. i was literally ten years old but i somehow Felt every word of that spoken bridge, man. WHEN THE LITTLE GIRL GIVES JOEL THE ROSE AND IT TURNS BLACK i deadass thought that was so fucking dope y’all
i just wanna live - ignoring the irony of joel whining about being famous, this video had THE MEMES.
GREEN DAY
longview - iconic simply by virtue of being their first video.
when i come around - ask me about my favorite songs of All Time and i’ll probably mention this one. it’s still great nowadays. i love all the shots of berkeley.
brain stew/jaded - this is such a great piece of art lmao the fucking. sludgy feeling of brain stew going into the chaos of jaded is great on the record, but even better in video form going from being stoned in sepia to tripping acid in an oversaturated cluttered space
walking contradiction - comedy gold
hitchin a ride - creepy weirdness and an iconic bassline. also mike dirnt looks fine as hell in this video
minority - i’m running out of ways to explain that a video is iconic to me purely bc of how important the song was to me at a given time lmao.
american idiot - is there anything i can truly say about this video? it was perfect in 2004, it’s perfect in 2017. uncomfortably relevant. epilepsy warning for strobe lighting effects in the second half
holiday - technically this was released before blvd, but since it chronologically precedes blvd in the story, i’m putting it first. this is like 90% here for the bridge section y’all. fucking iconic. i wore a fedora on the first day of sixth grade bc tre cool wore one in this video. not my proudest fashion moment. emetophobia warning at 1:56 but them playing EVERY character in the bar scene is perfection
boulevard of broken dreams - ah yes, 2005′s most overplayed song. i could not escape this song. every time the intro started everyone would just look at me bc i was The Green Day Chick. this video is aesthetically perfect though. shout out to mike dirnt’s jawline in profile
HOZIER
work song - first of all, this song makes me cry. second of all, the video is dreamy as fuck. it gives me irl chills. i love the choreography so much. the whole vibe is very modern southern gothic. and it’s incredibly intimate feeling without being... sexual or vulgar, i guess.
IN THIS MOMENT
adrenalize - first of all i’m gay. second of all i’m gay. this video is decidedly nsfw
whore - aesthetically pleasing. chris motionless being subby is the real highlight here
sick like me - again, it’s here for the aesthetic.
big bad wolf - also aesthetic but THIS MAKEUP LOOK. maria’s makeup look in this video is actually literally my aesthetic goal. epilepsy warning for strobe light effects
sex metal barbie - say it with me: aesthetic. i also love this one bc the lyrics are largely lifted from people talking shit about maria on the internet, shaming her for being a woman with sexuality and agency, so fuck yes i support it. mild body horror warning for this one
JOHN 5
making monsters - john’s videos are mostly performance based but this one is so cute lmao. where do i cop a j5 action figure
LADY GAGA
paparazzi - i’m only including the RLY vital gaga videos here and the full version of paparazzi is her best work imo......
bad romance - .......but bad romance is a close second.
telephone - i can’t not include this one though. the collab of the decade.
LINKIN PARK
one step closer - i think this was the first linkin park video i saw Back In The Day......... it was 2 heavy 4 baby me at the time lmao but nowadays it’s one of my fave lp songs. the video is super corny let’s be real but it was 2000
numb - this song is so fucking emo but i love it. the video is like peak emo too. i swear the main girl in this video was like my fashion icon at the time. layered tank tops, ripped loose jeans, oversized hoodies and jackets. i wanted her hair so bad lmao
what i’ve done - this video is really visually solid. i thought this was like the Deepest Shit in middle school lmao
MARILYN MANSON
sweet dreams (are made of this) - THE CINNAMON TOPOGRAPHY!!! god i have no complaints about this video except that twiggy is in it. visual fx?? dope. wardrobe?? dope. location?? dope. manson in the wedding dress?? dope. unsanitary warning for the later half of the video bc manson gets pooped on by birds lmao
tourniquet - one of my fave vocal performances by manson tbh. i prefer this one of the two videos floria did w/ manson.
long hard road out of hell - femme manson and religious imagery need i elaborate
the dope show - the first manson video i ever saw. i was... so creeped out lmao. LOOKS ON LOOKS ON LOOKS. john 5 lookin like a snack in this one
i don’t like the drugs (but the drugs like me) - this is probably the most heavy-handed manson has ever been with the christ allegory lmao and yet......... i love it. also shout out to manson and rose’s dogs bug and uncle fester for guest starring. body horror tw here
coma white - basically a flawless music video i have nothing to say here that isn’t already said by the video itself
disposable teens - everybody looks great in this one except twiggy fuck twiggy. i actually love the mtv version of this video too, which is all performance, but i can’t seem to find it rn??
the fight song - one of my fave manson looks. those boooooots tho. the gloooovessssss. i’m gross let me live
tainted love - sorry to send y’all to vimeo for this one but i couldn’t find one on youtube that didn’t look like it was filmed with a potato or watermarked. y’all slept on the genius of this video tbh
mobscene - hello it is me gaogfucker666.
this is the new shit - still me, gaogfucker666. this video feels misinterpreted too honestly
(s)AINT (director’s cut) - specifically the director’s cut bc more tim skold in a dress and boots smoking a cigarette. this video is seriously fucking nsfw. needles, drugs, sexual content, vomit etc watch with caution pls
personal jesus - i love this glam rock look so much. tim looks so good in this he never wore the look again bc he knew he looked so good we could never handle it a second time.
putting holes in happiness - I CAN’T FIND the extended version with tim’s full solo and i wanna scream. but. here’s the official version
say10 (short) - i really fucking wish he’d compounded off this for the official say10 video, beheaded orange man or not. just the verse. it’s so good. moody and creepy and AHHH.
we know where you fucking live - heed the warning at the beginning lmao. i honestly loved this video. i know some people thought it was edgy but i rly rly don’t see that. it’s offensive and obscene yeah but it doesn’t have that edgelord feel, as much as i love to call him an edgelord.
MOTIONLESS IN WHITE
reincarnate - old school horror vibes!!! as a Humble Fetishist of Boots and Gloves, this is a great video. also this is one of those songs where i Feel the lyrics for real
eternally yours - THE COLORS!!! THE FUCKIN IN A COFFIN!!!! i have nothing more to say
MOTLEY CRUE
looks that kill - please watch this corny ass fuckin 1983 ass hair metal ass music video. please. i’m tryna add more shout at the devil era nikki sixx vibes to my wardrobe tbh
wild side - i love a late 80s arena performance video ok also where do i cop nikki’s shirt
dr. feelgood - i will always credit this as one of the songs that made me want to play bass tbh
MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE
vampires will never hurt you - too emo to view with the naked eye.
i’m not okay (i promise) - the video that spawned a million high school AUs. god i love this one. even watching without the nostalgia goggles it’s great.
helena - perhaps my favorite music video of all time? if not then top 3. this video still remains my ideal aesthetic 12 years later. HOW I’M TRYNA BE. i just wanna look like an extra in this video, okay.
the ghost of you - time to cry!!!!! emetophobia warning at 0:47
welcome to the black parade - it’s hard for me to talk about these videos bc they’re so universally iconic that to explain why i love them so much would be mostly redundant.
famous last words - see above. this song means the world to me
desolation row - if i had to pick a video other than helena to look like an extra in i’d pick this one. has gerard ever looked this good, before or after this video?? peak.
NINE INCH NAILS
down in it - these are getting linked to vimeo since the official nin account has them all uploaded there in better quality. anyway i love so many of the shots in this video and i love the colors and i love bab trent
head like a hole - SO dated y’all but bab trent leveled up and became baby dread trent.
happiness in slavery - this is seriously graphic. but it’s great. also where’s the extended version that shows trent getting eaten by the weird carnivorous robot
gave up - bABY BRIAN!! infants, y’all. INFANTS.
march of the pigs - it’s a one-take performance video but it’s...... so much more than that. this video hurts me in my hand/glove kink.
closer - this is in the top 3 with helena honestly. it is... a piece of art film before all else. a Must Watch.
burn - another case of a video being important to me because of the song it’s for tbh.
the perfect drug - marc romanek is a GOD. also a piece of art film honestly. just y’all wait till i make my dnd character based on trent in this video lmao
starfuckers, inc - hm, another nin video that trent invited manson to be in. interesting. all memes aside it’s a great video even as much as i hate the use of the “fat = ugly” trope. epilepsy warning for flashing effects in the last part of the video
deep - why. are. y’all. SLEEPING ON THIS!!!!
only - this may have been the first nin video i willingly saw and recognized as nin. this video still holds up, especially with it being 95% cgi and still looking as good as it does.
ROB ZOMBIE
living dead girl - the theme song of my life??? iconic couple costume idea????
meet the creeper - i have to include this video because it’s BAD. it’s terrible and i fucking love it
american witch (live version) - WHEN ROB PICKS UP JOHN AND STARTS SPINNING HIM AROUND!!!! this is here specifically for all the long hair john content
dead city radio and the new gods of supertown - the aesthetic. everybody looks great. matt is in a gorilla suit
well everybody’s fucking in a ufo - highly nsfw. where do i begin with this fucking hot mess...... sheri’s huge fake boobs. john and matt and ginger as astronauts. john jerkin off. the aliens with dicks. the fact that the whole story is about getting gang banged by aliens???? nothing will ever reach this level
SKOLD
self titled promotional clip - epilepsy warning for a lot of flashing and smash cuts. sort of a few partial music videos in one, but there are only two official skold videos, so i gotta include both of them. the quality is garbage. it’s so incredibly 1996. yet i love it. the last song, anything, is pretty nsfw as in there’s actual femdom porn clips but this is why i love it.
better the devil - if there were more skold videos i’d put them here. but as i said there are only two. tim out there lookin like not just a snack but a full course meal in 4k quality. goddamn. the only man i can ever truly call d*ddy. tiffany and eli lookin like delicious side dishes as well.
TAKING BACK SUNDAY
you’re so last summer - flava flave is in it
this photograph is proof - this song makes me so fucking nostalgic............. it transports me right back to eighth grade lmao. tbs were one of my fave bands in middle school.
makedamnsure - the most emo song of all time?? side note regarding tbs: real talk, being fat in middle school, seeing another fat person in a band was so fucking reassuring and great. i love eddie.
liar (it takes one to know one) - these visual effects are SO cool, even now.
YOU ME AT SIX
jealous minds think alike - ART... no but actually look at these literal fetuses. i fucking love this song. it’s probably my fave track on take off your colours.
kiss and tell - you right it’s another house party video BUT. baby josh with an undercut. he must be 18 or barely 19 here??
liquid confidence - WHEN YOU GOT NOTHING TO LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE
stay with me - jkfljkghdfskljgs okay serious time: this song got me through a seriously rough part of my life and i have the title tattooed on me partially because of the video.
loverboy - i have never seen a fandom in such utter chaos as the ymas fandom was on the day this video dropped. holy fucking shit. the THIRST was REAL.
bite my tongue - peak ymas captured in one music video. that’s truly the most important part. that peak sns era ymas was preserved forever in this video.
lived a lie - is it bad if i still kinda want a “we are believers” tattoo lmao. i really....... love this song a lot. is it obvious by now that ymas love a big chorus lmao
give - this song gives me The Feels. it deserved better than a performance video in an empty arena but it’s all we got, so here it is.
#well this took for fucking ever#and will probably get no notes bc it's a personal post#which is fine but#i hope y'all appreciated my commentary anyway lmao#do not lose#i will likely update this as my faves continue to release gr8 videos
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Alright I was asked so here’s why I didn’t like W*nder W*man. I do not want discourse about how I’m obviously wrong.
- The ending was bad. They could have made an amazing point about how some people just do the wrong thing but some people just do the right thing, and they went and screwed it up with a boss fight with the Big Bad.
- Steve had Diana do something he didn’t know she could do and the same way she’d already done it, as if he’d seen her (the thing with the shield).
- All the side characters could have been written out and nothing would have changed. Etta was largely useless, especially since her one contribution was telling them the Germans were practically right where they were already. Sameer, comedy relief but largely useless. Scottish guy had a great setup with the PTSD but they never resolved it. Chief had the one use in setting off the smoke signals. None of these characters (with the exception of Chief, since he’s some character named Napi I don’t know anything about) are going to appear in the sequel so they got shafted. Bad writing.
- The Amazons know hundreds of languages but have never been to the outside world with which to learn of their existence or their etymology.
- The Amazons were created to help protect the humans from Ares, and then when he crops up again they’re like ‘nah we’re gonna hide out here’.
- The movie was apparently about how badass and independent women can be. All it told me was that gods can fuck around in the world however they like and I don’t have a say because they’re controlling me anyways.
- So many awkward ‘here’s why men are awful’ scenes. Why make such a huge deal over why he didn’t want to sleep next to her? He’s just trying to be a gentleman! “They were FRIENDS, Indy, men get all awkward about sleeping next to their FRIENDS.” They were NOT friends. They had just met like an hour ago. And half of what they talked about was sex. After having just met. That’s definitely what I talk about when I’ve just met people.
- Diana was more shook up about the death of Steve who she just met two days ago than she was about the death of Antiope personally taking a bullet in front of her.
- Diana weirdly gets confused over babies (which do not exist on Paradise Island so how does she know about them) and ice cream and revolving doors but has no interest in how guns work (i.e. the weapon that killed her aunt, she the mighty warrior doesn’t think that might be useful?), is unfazed by cars and airplanes, and easily navigates various structures that don’t exist where she comes from. That is, she’s naive when it’s convenient for the plot or comedy.
- I believe she’s an example of the ‘born sexy yesterday’ trope which I thought we didn’t like. I’m not gonna look it up right now though.
- Every other man drooling over how babealicious she was. That’s feminism apparently, to tell a babealicious woman how babealicious she is every ten minutes.
- Her refusal to listen to anything any man said = strong female character. Somehow. Sorry, but she was walking around in a world she knew zero about and acting as though the people who lived there were idiots. That’s foolish and it made me dislike her.
- The No Man’s Land scene was the big reveal, obviously, but it lessens the fact that there were real soldiers stuck there for a year because they didn’t happen to be demigoddesses with magical shields to storm the front with. It felt hollow to me.
- Personally did not see any chemistry at all between Steve and Diana. This might not be anything to do with the movie at all and more about the fact that it takes amazing acting for me to believe two people have chemistry.
- I was point-blank confused about the part he told her he loved her. She didn’t hear him because her ears were ringing from the explosion. They then repeated the same scene with what he said included. So she did hear him? How did she magically figure out what he said? If she heard him, what was the point in pretending she didn’t in the first place?
- Dr Poison is apparently an actual person in the comics they changed wildly. I forget how. Diana does not kill her because... only men are allowed to kill women in this movie. "She had just understood love and sacrifice Indy!” No. It was a way to avoid having Diana kill a woman. They should have killed her, because they can’t use her again in the future anyway. Additionally, Diana killed everybody else nbd.
- I was very disappointed and had a much better time drinking a mint mocha frappucino on the bus home than I did during the movie.
#so says Indy#negative post#I don't want to argue about this#I've seen the side about how great it was for weeks now and I simply don't see it that way#this is a post about why I didn't like W*nder W*man#seriously if you don't want to know don't read it
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Year in Review // Readathons, Diverse Reads & Structured TBR Success – Quarterly Check In
I’m back from hiatus, yet again!
I’ve had a grand time away but I’ll get into that in my Month in Review posts next week!
For now, I want to take a moment to go over my year so far since we’re a bit over a quarter of the way through!
I’ll be covering my reading, watching, blogging and goals from January to March and how I think I’ve gone so far!
If you would like to buy any of the following books please consider using my Book Depository Affliate link!
TBR
│The Raven Cycle│
│
│Shadow and Bone Series│
│The Conqueror’s Saga│
│Montague Siblings│
│Villains│
│The Dark Artifices│
│Harry Potter Series│
│Sharp Objects│
│Sadie│
│
│Sawkill Girls│
│The Hate U Give│
│Rejected Princesses│
│
│Bygone badass Broads│
│
│Simon Vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda│
│Children of Blood & Bone│
│City of Ghosts│
│Percy Jackson and the Olympians│
I mean, that’s not great. But at least I have actually been reading book I own!
Readathons & Challenges
Before this year I hadn’t participated in any readathons or challenges!
But this year I’ve been participating in the Devour Your TBR challenges each month—even if it’s only one or two books!
I also participated in the Late-A-Thon readathon that was run by Destiny @ Howling Libraries!
Reading Challenge
This year I set my reading challenge to 50 books! Which is half of what I read last year but I did this because I knew I wouldn’t have as much time to read this year.
According to Goodreads I’m one book behind, as of April 5th, which I honestly expected.
Each month I try to read 5 books, and in both February and March, my reading took a bit of a hit.
I’m hoping I got back on track and read at least 5 books in April. Hello future Grey, did I do good???? Future Grey: you did great!
Stats
I’ve read 3989 pages
My average rating is 3.68
I take 13.9 days to read each book, on average
10/11 books read have been YA
The genre I’ve read the most is fantasy (big surprise!)
Diversity
So far all of my reads have been diverse in some form or another!!!
5 of which have had LGBTQIAP+ rep
5 of which have had POC rep
5 of which I have deemed feminist literature
My Book of the Quarter
│Sadie│Courtney Summers│
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│
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│★★★★★│Read Feb 14│
Structured TBR (Started Feb)
│Must Read:
11/15│
5/2│
0/0│
4/4│
11/6│
20/20│
11/10│
So I’m behind on books read but I already knew that.
I’ve gotten through quite a few ARCs! So I’m very proud of that! That Late-A-Thon and Jan Jam Jar helped with that a lot in January!
I’ve been good at reading owned books, and literally every single book I’ve read has been diverse in some form which makes me very happy!
I’ve been keeping up with reading my Rejected Princesses and Bygone Badass Broads entries each month which is giving me a good dose of history!
│Allowances:
3/2│
2/1│
1/1│
0/0│
0/1│
I have read more library books than I was meant to but it is the first time I’ve had a structured TBR so I knew it would take a little while to work out the kinks.
Like making sure I don’t have too many holds on Overdrive or the Library at once as that gives me the risk of multiple books becoming available in one month. And if there is that risk then I should take advantage of the feature of suspending holds!
It’s also good to make sure that, if I do have a library book, I try and read it first so it doesn’t carry on into the next month.
However, since I started my structured TBR late, meaning I’ve only done it for two months, even though it has been three months (at the time of writing this) I think I can give myself the exception of passing.
I think I might bump my audiobook allowances to two each month for the rest of the year, just because it doesn’t interfere with the rest of my reading because I’m listening to audiobooks during times I wouldn’t be reading otherwise so reading more of them can only be a plus! And I need that extra wiggle room now that I’ll be doing a four hour drive to and from my Aunt’s house once a month!
Past Grey Reads
Book Review // Girl Made of Stars – I Am Broken
Grey Reads // Everything’s On Fire and I Couldn’t Be Happier – Girls of Paper and Fire
Grey Reads // Bloody Moors & Candy Castles – The Wayward Children 2 & 3
TBW
Jan-Mar Releases
│The Hate U Give│
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│On The Basis of Sex│
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│Captain Marvel│
│
│Brooklyn Nine-Nine│Season 6│
│
│One Day At A Time│Season 3│
│
Past Grey Watches
Grey Watches // I Wanna Bone Jude Law and Kate Winslet – The Holiday
Grey Watches // It Has To Be A Shit Show – A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding
Grey Watches // I Hate It So Much I Love It – A Christmas Prince
Highlights
2019 Ahead // It’s Twentybiteen, You Ready?
Tag // The Library Lover’s Book Tag – I Am a Library Fiend
Grey Learns // A Groundbreaking Journalist, Strong Abolitionist and Feminist – Ida B. Wells
Grey Tags // Shockingly Intelligent and Mind Blowingly Stupid – The Entertaining Blogger Award
Grey Tags // Romance Realist, Judgmental Judy & Fatphobia Errywhere – Out of My Comfort Zone Tag
Top Ten Tuesday // Audible and Overdrive Are My Lords & Saviors – My Audiobook TBR
Blogosphere Highlights
I’ve picked my absolute faves of the posts I’ve shared over the last three months, just in case you missed them the first time. They’re mostly blog and writing help because those things are always useful!
January
│Ellyn @Allonsythornraxxbooks│ HOW TO GET ON TOP OF YOUR NETGALLEY FEEDBACK RATIO│
│Avery @Red Rocket Panda│HOW TO HYPE YOUR FAVOURITE READS│
│Abbiee @Abbiee│WRITING TIPS Transform a Messy Story Idea Into a Strong Outline (in 3 simple steps!)│
│Ilsa @A Whisper of Ink│How the HECK does one receive a physical ARC because I want one?! (I hear your cries and answer all your questions) Welcome to How To Request + Recieve ARCs│
│Simone @Simone and Her Books│My Review Process and Why I Write Reviews│
│Swetlana @The Caffeinated Bookworm Life│16 Blog Post Ideas To Help You Get Through (AT LEAST) A Month Of Blogging│
February
│Krystin @ Here’s The Fucking Twist│True Crime Tuesday: The San Francisco Witch Killers│
│May @ Forever And Everly│Discussing Blogger Appreciation and the Lack of It: Analyzing Answers, Stats, and Graphs From a Survey I Made!│
│Ellyn @ Allonsythornraxxbooks│HOW TO: OUTLINE A BLOG POST│MY 10 STEP GUIDE TO GROWING YOUR BLOG│
│Kelly @ Just Another Book in the Wall│THE VALUE OF TEEN VOICES IN THE BOOK BLOGGING COMMUNITY + PROJECT ANNOUNCEMENT!│
│Madeline @ Caffeine & Writing Dreams│How to Cut Adverbs for Stronger Writing // & When It’s Okay to Use Them│
│Kat @ Novels and Waffles│Stand Out Above The Crowd // 4 Ways To Make Your Free WordPress.com Theme Look Different From Everybody Else’s│My Branding Journey + Four Questions To Ask Yourself While Rebranding // ft. A Free Downloadable Checklist│How in the World I Make My Graphics // A Step-By-Step Tutorial│I Font It That Way // How to Choose the Right Font for Your Blog│By Any Other Name // 5 Steps That Will Help You Choose An Awesome Blog Name (ft. A Free Worksheet!)│
Listen I couldn’t decide on which ones from Kat to share, because they’re just ALL. SO. GOOD.
March
│Krystin @ Here’s The Fucking Twist│True Crime Tuesday: The Moors Murders│
│Vicky @ Vicky Who Reads│Stressed About College? These Book Recs Are For You!│
│Ellyn @ Allonsythornraxxbooks│5 TIPS ON ANNOTATING YOUR BOOKS!│
│Avery @ Red Rocket Panda│DOWN THE TBR HOLE | USING THE #KONMARIE METHOD FOR MY PHYSICAL SHELVES│
│Fadwa @ Word Wonders│MY PRODUCTIVITY TOOLS – OR HOW TO BE A MASTER ORGANIZER!│
│Qui @ The Black Lit Queen│Diversity vs. Representation|BLQ Quick Guide│
│Madeline @ Caffeine & Writing Dreams│How to Write Scenes that Balance Plot & Character // Scene and Sequel Sequences│
Past Month In Review
January in Review // I Cried, Laughed, Ate Pasta, Celebrated My Birthday & Completed TWO Read-A-Thons/Challenges
Month in Review // I FINALLY CHANGED MY NAME – February
Month in Review // The Month From Hell – March
Goals
Get to a point where I walk 10000 steps a day
Yeah I can say I’ve done this. I’m back to square one but I did get to a point where I was walking 10000 steps a day regularly. I’ve just gotta get back to it.
Find a way to be more financially stable somehow
this hasn’t happened yet but my finances are a little easier to handle after some messing about with my budget.
Finish a draft for my WIP
I’ve still not started it. I hate myself. But I have been doing a lot of the ground work in my head, like discovering the history and setting and working out stuff about the characters an such. And like, I’ve kind of written some scenes. But I’m yet to actually take the time and sit down specifically to write.
Read 50 books
Not quite on track but I’m getting there!
Legally change my name FINALLY!
I did it! My legal name is finally Greyson!
Continue going to therapy
I had my first appointment of the year at the very start of April so I didn’t quite make it in the first quarter of the year so I won’t give myself a tick yet.
Take regular mental health days
I’m doing this! I might be only doing it because something bad happens that makes me an absolute right off for a whole day but I’m doing it!
Play more video games
I’ve honestly played too much Sims in the last two months!
But also I wanna start playing games on my PlayStation again!
Past Month Ahead
Month Ahead // Happy Birthday To Me + Hiatus Announcement – January
February Ahead // I’m Finally Going To Read The Raven Cycle Series & It’s Black History Month + A Great Resource for Education!!!!!
Month Ahead // Writers Week, Comedy & Too Much To Do – March
So far so good!
What have you done so far this year? What did you read? What posts did you write that you’re super proud of?
│Blog│Goodreads│Instagram│Twitter│Tumblr│
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New Post has been published on http://www.williambrucewest.com/2017/06/16/west-week-ever-pop-culture-review-61617/
West Week Ever: Pop Culture In Review - 6/16/17
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Hot on the heels of the poster reveal last Friday, we got a teaser trailer for Black Panther during the NBA Finals. And it did very little for me. Yeah, I know. Every other Black person I know is, as they say, “hype” for this movie, but I just have never cared about Black Panther as a character. And I know comic book movies require suspension of disbelief, but Michael B. Jordan plays a villain named KILLMONGER! That’s probably the comic bookiest name I’ve ever been forced to take seriously. It certainly looks colorful, and it’s gonna make all the monies, but I’m gonna need to see more before I get too excited.
Let’s talk about Black Panther for a minute, though, as I think people are conflating his comic book success with his appearances in all other media. At the moment, there are currently 3 Black Panther comics on the stands: 1) Black Panther, 2) World of Wakanda, and 3) Black Panther & The Crew. Also at this moment, the latter two have already been canceled. I’ve seen people online saying that Marvel should rethink their stance, considering all the views the trailer has racked up in its week online (22.6 million as I write this). I get what they’re trying to say, but it’s a faulty argument. Their assumption is that people are clamoring for all the Black Panther they can get, when it’s really just this one movie to which they’re looking forward.
When the Black Panther comic was relaunched last year, written by author Ta-Nehisi Coates, the first issue sold over 250,000 copies, which was a rare feat for 2016. Now, however, the book sells about 1/9 of that amount, and is still decreasing. Ya see, Coates was hot shit because of an article on reparations that he wrote for The Atlantic. Why someone thought that would translate into a successful stint writing comics is beyond me. Marvel struck while the iron was hot, though, and they were able to ride the Coates wave, but anyone who’s actually read the comic knows that he’s more about political drama than superhero action. People came to the table to see what he’d offer, but over time they’ve realized they’re not picking up what he’s putting down. Still, Marvel gave him yet another series, Black Panther & The Crew, which probably should’ve been called Black Panther and His Negrotastic Pals. I bought the first issue, but the book was canceled before I even had the chance to read it, so womp womp. It could be argued that Coates wasn’t the right choice for the book, but I think a better explanation is that Marvel blew their wad too soon. They should’ve been launching these spinoffs in the wake of the trailer, not cancelling them. Still, the damage is already done, so it’s not like they can let them tread water until the movie is released. If anything, they’re gonna have to cancel and relaunch if they want to capitalize on movie buzz. The ship, however, has sailed for the books currently on the market because this trailer is not going to serve as the shot in the arm that some folks seem to believe it to be.
Fox has got the ball rolling on X-Men: Dark Phoenix, the follow-up to the disappointing X-Men: Apocalypse. It will be directed by Simon Kinberg, who has no directing experience by the way, and is slated to be released November 2nd, 2018. And the gang’s all here, with Fassbender, Lawrence, and McAvoy are all coming back. If you remember, they tried to act like they were on the fence about returning after Apocalypse, but I guess they love money too much. Meanwhile, they’re saying that Jessica Chastain is being pursued to play alien Shi’ar Empress Lilandra, who lets Xavier bone her every couple of years. Did I mention that Kinberg wrote X-Men: The Last Stand? Ya know, the LAST time they did the Dark Phoenix storyline?! THE ONE EVERYBODY HATED?! So they’re basically giving him do-over! Everything about this sounds terrible, but we’ll probably get another cool Quicksilver sequence out of it, this time set to La Bouche’s “Be My Lover” or some other disposable 90s pop song.
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Normally, I’m all about those stories where they “get the band back together”, so I was definitely surprised when this video hit the Internet this week. I miss the age of the $20 million comedy, where Hollywood was cranking these things out monthly in the mid ’00s. Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story was one of my favorites, so I had high hopes for this thing, whatever it was supposed to be. Still, 13 years have passed since the movie, and this “return to the well” felt just as stale as Zoolander 2. Its saving grace is the fact that it’s only 4 minutes long (which still, somehow, feel like an eternity). I don’t even know where to start with this thing. The unfunniness of Stiller? The weak delivery from Christine Taylor? Or the fact that I don’t have a clue as to what the Hell Omaze is? Apparently it raises money for non-profits, but it’s far from a household name. I don’t know if this is the bold step Omaze needed to take to make a name for themselves. “Hey, look – we’re making a mini sequel to a 13 year old movie that didn’t need a sequel!” This thing seems dead on arrival, and I’d love to somehow be able to track the success/failure of this marketing initiative. Ugh, so much potential, squandered.
Bachelor in Paradise had its production suspended this week after accounts of “misconduct” began to surface. According to varying reports, Corinne Olympios from the most recent season of The Bachelor was involved in some pretty “heavy petting”, as your grandma would call it, with DeMario Jackson from season 13 of The Bachelorette. From what I heard, they were both drunk and tried to have sex. DeMario, unfortunately, couldn’t…”ready his soldier for battle”, so he “went downtown” instead. Corinne’s friend, who’s a producer on the show, told her that it’d look bad for her to be getting serviced on camera like that. A lot of other contestants reportedly witnessed the event, and said that the two were even seen canoodling together later that night. Then, Corinne started saying that she couldn’t remember the events of the night, and that she had never given consent for what happened. So now both sides are lawyered up, blaming the other for character assassination and worse. Oh, by the way, if you’re not familiar with Bachelor In Paradise, it’s a spinoff where the contestants are encouraged to get drunk and try to fuck. So…mission accomplished?
The format of the show was just asking for a controversy like this, and I’m amazed that it took this long for something like this to hit the Bachelor franchise. I don’t know anything about DeMario, but the one season of The Bachelor that I watched featured Corinne as the villain of the season. She was constantly boasting of her sexual prowess, saying things like “My ‘vagine’ is platinum.” Her tactic to win the show was to throw herself at The Bachelor early and often. Now, some folks are gonna interpret this as me saying she “deserved” this. If this was sexual assault, nobody deserves something like that. All I’m saying is that she was strategic in using sex to get what she wanted, and quick to cower when it didn’t work out as planned. Bachelor Nick Viall rebuffed all of her advances last season, and she’d end up pouting in her room, or taking a nap during the rose ceremony. She was notoriously immature yet manipulative. Word on the street was that she was up for her own show, but this little episode might’ve jeopardized the chances of that.
The most interesting part of this whole thing is that THEY HAVE THE TAPE! LET’S GO TO THE DAMN TAPE! How damning is that tape that it hasn’t been released yet? The production is most likely over for good, as the contestants have been sent home. The future of the show is in jeopardy because of this ordeal as there doesn’t really seem to be any coming back from this. The reality show fuck house actually turned into a fuck house. I guess their plan worked a little too well. If the show does come back, this is a watershed moment for dating shows, as nothing will be the same after this. Remember how talk shows changed when the Jenny Jones Murder took place? After that, they all became more staged, and Jerry Springer thrived in its wake. Now you can’t trust anything you see during daytime, while a show like Donahue couldn’t exist in the current climate. They’re gonna have to treat future iterations of The Bachelor with kid gloves, which isn’t what people come to see. When folks watch these shows, they wanna see if the contestants are gonna hook up. Now, they realize that standards and practices won’t allow that to be shown, but they still wanna see as much as the network will allow them to see. All these years after Joe Millionaire aired on Fox, folks don’t remember it for its janky premise (poor guy pretends to be a millionaire in order to find love from a pool of gold diggers), but rather for the scene of “Joe” (Evan Marriott) and contestant Sarah Kozer in the woods with some intense slurping on the audio. Lewd, yes, but boundary-pushing for 2003 and everyone was talking about it. The goal of these shows is to produce something to dominate the conversation for a while and, in that case, this whole thing has been a success. Still, there are serious matters at hand that need to be addressed, as folks are losing jobs (DeMario got fired for the allegations), and could also end up in jail.
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After something like a year in teases, we finally have our release date for the DuckTales reboot: Aug 12th. The show will premiere on DisneyXD as an hour-long “mini movie”, and then be rebroadcast for the next 24 hours on the channel. Then, the series will officially premiere on September 23rd, with 2 new episodes. As you saw above, we also got the new credit sequence and theme song. Some of the old fuddy duddies have taken issue with the remixed theme, but I love it. The most surprising thing to me is the new jacked Mrs. Beakley, but I figure there’ll be an in-series explanation for all that.
In the world of toys, Hasbro unveiled the full Netflix wave of Marvel Legends figures, and they look so great. In the beginning, I was scared these were gonna turn out to be exclusive to a particular retailer, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. We already knew about Daredevil, Jessica Jones, and Punisher, but the wave is rounded out by Elektra, as well as comic versions of Blade and Bullseye. As an added surprise, there’s a Build A Figure in the form of Man-Thing. That character means nothing to me, but I’ll be buying the whole wave, so someone give me a shout if you wanna buy Man-Thing off me. That’s right, I’m offering my Man-Thing in exchange for money. I think that might be illegal…
Song of the Week
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This week’s song is Morgan Wallen’s “The Way I Talk”, mainly because I completely identify with it. If you’ve ever spoken with me, the first question people tend to ask is “Where are you from? You sound SOUTHERN!” Also, I spent more time than I’d like to admit trying to figure out if that actually was a sample from Spacehog’s “In The Meantime” at the beginning (verdict: inconclusive).
Things You Might Have Missed This Week
CMT is seriously considering reviving Tim Allen’s canceled ABC sitcom, Last Man Standing. They already air the reruns, so it seems like a natural fit.
An Injustice 2 eSports tournament will air on TBS in October. We’re really trying to make “eSports” a thing, huh?
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt has been renewed for a 4th season at Netflix. One of these days I’ll finally finish seasons 2 and 3…
Aisha Tyler announced yesterday that she will be leaving The Talk at the end of the season, due to her current commitments on Criminal Minds, Whose Line Is It Anyway?, and Archer. Plus, she’ll be directing an upcoming film. Yeah, that’s probably enough jobs for one person.
Someone named Anthony Padilla is leaving something called Smosh. Apparently it’s a thing on the YouTubes. If you’ve got a tween, they can probably explain whatever this means.
In an update to something I mentioned last week, Sony has revised their plans to sell clean versions of their movies. Since it was found that the plan violated union contracts, now Sony will only offer clean versions of movies that have been approved by the director.
ABC has renewed “Toy Shark Tank”, AKA The Toy Box, for a second season.
I took a trip down memory lane to talk about the old Toy Biz Customer Service hotline.
In a baffling move, Amazon is buying Whole Foods Market for $13.7 billion. I haven’t been as confused about a business deal since K-Mart bought Sears.
When I first started West Week Ever, I came up with a No Death Policy. Even though I get kinda negative on here, I still want it to be a positive place. I have a bit of an odd history with death, as I became acquainted with it at an early age, so I like to stay away from all that. Plus, there’s that problem where if you mention one death, you’ve gotta mention ALL the deaths, and ain’t nobody got time for that – especially if that death didn’t really mean anything to me. Still, when I created this feature, I always knew there would be at least 2 important exceptions. I wasn’t looking forward to them, but given their age and health, I knew it would be something I’d have to tackle eventually. Sadly, one of those deaths occurred last Saturday.
When I was growing up, there were few things I looked forward to as much as the 1966 Batman series, weekday afternoons on Fox 5. While I’d gotten the Super Powers Batman and Batmobile toys when I was around 4, I really didn’t know anything about Batman until I was introduced to that show. Hell, I remember how I used to think Batman could fly. I mean, he had a cape! All people with capes fly, right? Anyway, like any kid, I was mesmerized by the POW! ZAP! BIFF! of the fight sequences. I was on the edge of my seat for the end of episode cliffhanger. I’d tie a sheet around my neck, and shadow box along with the Dynamic Duo as they fought King Tut’s goons. I also had a next door neighbor, Brian, who was a few years younger than me (he was 7 when I was 11, as I remember him thinking that was cool), and he worshipped the ground I walked on. He’d come over, and we’d be Batman and Robin, fighting invisible goons with gadgets I’d made from Construx and jump ropes. My concept of Batman was formed by Adam West and Burt Ward, walking up the side of buildings with their Bat Ropes.
As I grew up, I was introduced to other depictions of the Caped Crusader. I started reading comics in ’92, around the time that the classic Batman: The Animated Series debuted. Those versions of Batman were totally different than what I’d grown up knowing. The environment wasn’t as campy, the world was a darker place, and Batman wasn’t doing the Batusi. Over the years, I’ve had even more versions of Batman that I’ve compared to West’s rendition, but I’ve come to appreciate him even more. While the world around him was wacky, West’s Bruce Wayne/Batman was solid. He was smart, calculating, and always knew more than the folks around him. Can you imagine a “Tower of Babel” storyline (the classic JLA story where Batman takes down the rest of the Justice League using contingency plans he’d set up for all of them), starring West’s Batman? I can, and it would be AMAZING.
It seems life wasn’t too shabby for West offscreen, either. According to several stories, he was quite the hit with the ladies, and even had an 8-woman orgy with Riddler Frank Gorshin. ZOWIE! While he never really achieved mega success with anything else, he still established himself as a cult superstar, with his turn in Conan O’Brien’s failed pilot Lookwell, as well as his role as Mayor West on Family Guy, which introduced him to a new generation of fans. Other actors who portrayed Batman went on to other things. For Clooney, Kilmer, and Bale, the role is just another notch on the IMDB profile, but West WAS Batman. With the exception of probably Kevin Conroy, no one else has been so closely identified with the role as Adam West. At the end of the day, he’s the Batman that I always come back to, and the one to which I compare all newcomers. Adam West, born William West Anderson (hey, look at that!), was MY Batman and I think we were all lucky to have him. No, he didn’t have the West Week Ever. I don’t think that’s enough of an honor to indicate what he meant to me. So, with that in mind, Adam West is the inaugural inductee to the West Week Ever Hall of Fame. Farewell, old chum.
#Batman#Comics#Country#Marvel#Movies#Music#Pop#Race#Television#Toys#Video Games#West Week Ever#West Week Ever Hall of Fame#X-Men
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