#but this has been driving me nuts for the last 3-4 days now

[pyr0peyt]

Why does Chrome decide to have the most random lag spikes whenever I have more than one tab open (and even with one tab open it still lags)?? Like, it lags when I'm trying to scroll through a page. Does anyone know how I can fix this cuz it's genuinely driving me nuts.

[nerdgal27]

A Story Behind the Painting

Home

Summary:

Part 4 of (Mikey and Me Part 3), (It Happened Again Part 2), and (Don't Want to Talk Part 1). Struggle after struggle. There comes a time when the inner demon destroys so much, that one doesn't know what else to do. Other than keep the inner demon from loved ones.

Tags: Substance Abuse, Depression, Flashbacks, and Abuse.

Home 

Sunshine dapples the deep green forest. Burn the late morning dew glittering jewels in mid air. Coffee mug in hand black liquid slosh onto cold fingers as I wobble down the tiny staircase of the camper pickup truck. An old rust bucket is the last bit of my savings can afford. 

Sit on a lazy afternoon in a cozy chair. Stare at the endless view of evergreen pines and misty gray mountains is worth it all. Take in the cool sweet wood scent of green fill sore lungs. Swivel chair further away from an old gravel path. Wind over the lush undergrowth. Where customary rodents cover last night's tracks. Eat the empty nut shells and left over trail mix I left for them. Can’t stomach to eat anything again. What’s the point now?

Shield away by Mother Nature’s warmth and green walls. Her sweet melody chirps and whispers in the silence. The sticky sun glues me under the camper cobweb awning. Spiders big enough to play the banjo. Thought grows a chuckle to who said that once. Forever gone away in the forever distance. All for the best. For everyone. For them most of all. 

Free from pain, from it all. It has been done. No need to know the outside world. Can almost imagine it all. Not now. No need to think about any of that at all. Other than wonder how hot this coffee is for me to sip. 

Deep rich aroma takes me away from the pines. Old giggles bounce from concrete walls. Sparks spray in all directions mingles the smell with old metal. When muddle hands rub black grease over my eyebrow. Old scooter parts vomit all over the floor. A victim to be torn apart, rebuilt to either drive faster. Or explode. 

Phone rings memories back to green and soft blue reality. Muffle in the far depths of the 1967 brown and green camper. Can’t be right, I shut it off last night. 

Crawl back into the sauna brown dungeon. Follow the ringtone to the front. Weave over the hot tea water bottles on the fuzzy floor. Brush last night’s debris aside in the trap of doom between the front seat. Bright pink old life shivers in a frenzy. 

I shouldn’t turn the phone over to see the screen. This needs to be my new life now. Can’t go back anyways. How can I like this? How can anyone? Doing this for them. An glove box that only opens and closes by a swift kick is a good place to bury it all away. Turn off all of the past in orange velvet darkness. Leave it all tucked away. Return to the fresh sirene new life. 

Canadian geese honk over the tall tree peaks. The way the flock swoops down a long terrain down from blue skies and feather clouds. Sunrays beam grasshopper hisses mid day summer heat. Follow the distant honks and splash. A cool lake lap over dry cracked feet sounds perfect. Clear this heavy head of mine. 

Wander back inside. Cool worn out duds for lake water. Cold beer in hand, tuck comfy chair under my arm. A handful of fluorescent pink tags roll in hand. Nice way to return to my new home without getting lost. Wait for another set of geese to flutter above. Lead the way out of the hot sun. Weave between the trees. Step over tree root monsters. Smile at the odd bird or animal hops by. 

“We don’t keep secrets, right?”

I whisper to the memories. “No, you don’t.” 

Another voice in the dream rasp. “He still loves you.” 

He shouldn’t, neither should any of you. Too broken, not enough. Difficult. 

Out here. All are no different than any woodland creatures from the largest moose to the small voles scurry by. What is worse, to remember the words. Or the subtle silence of the first night when all of this began. A sink full of awful empty decisions. The oldest brother’s quiet gaze. Patterns flourish in the forest around me. Bright shapes shimmer all that is long gone behind me. Nothing wrong with a cold one in hand on a hot day. 

Besides, take in all of this. A wide dark turquoise green lake. Full of life. A single loon lone coo along with the tiny dots of geese in the water. Soft gentle slopes into sand and clay. Show evidence of deer were here moments ago. 

He misses you that’s all 

One’s voice. Does he?… Of course he does. How could he not? Everyone else knows. 

Sit down in the chair. Set down the last 3 cans of a 6 pack. Miraculous 3 survivors of a drunk blackout yesterday. Crack open heaven. Slide it down the fire throat. Feel it burn over it all. Take in this brand new peaceful life of quiet. Should bring out a couple fishing poles for tonight. If I remember to come back for them. Can’t go back to anything nowadays. 

When will I see you? 

My old self. When my voice had more life. 

Soon, Sweetheart, it will be like old times. 

There’s a reason why they are called old times. It was a good life. A loud life, somewhat chaotic. The endless laughs, pile ons, pushing around. Plastic cockroaches in cupboards, glitter in ninja smoke bombs. One time Mikey and I replaced Raphael’s shower gel for blue dye. Guy was a grumpy Smurf for 4 days. His grouchy growls. The wooden spoon in papa turtle Smurf’s hand. Mikey ran for his life. I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe. Wash over the more recent screams and pushes away. Even more of the dark and bleek. 

When closet doors rattle. Whisky bottles smash in the far distance- 

No. Not again. Never speak of it again. None of that ever happened. 

Water swishes numb ankles. Whirl to baby ducks splash nearby. Over work, Mother of 6 squacks her children to behave and paddle behind her. Chuckles at their little feet blur under the clear water. Match the same speed of their cotton ball wings. Can remember when Mikey used to run the same way. Anytime Donnie chases Mikey out of his lab. Sometimes so then Donnie and I could play science and pupil again. 

Water waves between my toes. Shallow parts warm from the sun. Heat numb limbs. Swallow back to boiling hot water. Scorch delicate young skin.

Mommy it’s too hot. 

No…stop

Screams echo. Blister scar. Bare to the summer heat. Every single one remembers every pain. Why did I wear this tank top? Why am I out here? Can’t stay.

Hands stick on to lawn chair. Water waves slosh against the sandy ridge. Small legs kick. Hot water splashes everywhere. Hands shove deep under water. 

Sweetheart, breathe…

Violet voice whispers. Take his invisible hands. Squeeze them. The way he told me to. No thumb rubs my hands. Take in all of the cool fresh pine. Have to get used to this alone. Least this way is the best. No one’s burden any more. Can pick up this lawn chair anytime. 

Wander back the pink flag trail. Lose myself to millions of songs birds and butterflies flutter by. Brush soft long grass under fingers as I go. Crisp fresh air. Think about what bait to use for food tonight. Another thing I will have to start getting used to. 

Yellow happy face atena swings in between shrubs. Wave me down the direction home. Swig the last bit of powerful robust dark beer. Ignite pain away in a smooth burn. Drown darkness where they belong. 

Soft breeze hushes the forest buzz. Breathe in strong bitter fuel knocks the taste of beer. Great animal growls a deep hungry growl. Take me back to a cool violet room. To a lab chair and elastic bands for hair tying. 

“Sweetheart!?”

 Old life hollars me dead frozen in the tall grass. Hidden behind thick honeysuckles. The low hanging tree branches block the meadow opening of my new home. Don’t need to see how close the voice is. Can hear his feet crunch back and forth in the gravel. Rusty truck doors whine open and slam shut. Yellow smiley atena whirs in a hyperactive spaz. Empty cans clang on the far away floor board. Fast in a frantic, more than the time he caught Mikey in his mutagen supply. 

Footsteps wobble in the far depths of camper sweet camper. No.

He can’t be here. No one can find me like this.  I did this for them. They need to stay away from me. Far from any ear shot here. Can drop everything and run. Spin to do so. Lungs leap to jump for the hot pink trail back to the lake. 

Get back here! 

Hot greasy hand clap thunder. Drop the entire lazy afternoon supply. Oh crap no! Don’t drop them.

Metal chair legs clang against beer cans. 

Shallow gasp in the wind. Pushes me faster down the trail. Teenage bare feet pound thistles and burrs I weaved around before. 

Child bare feet blur down a hallway. Slam the bedroom door shut. 

“Tessie, wait!” 

Oh shit! Dammit! All the curse words Mikey should never hear. He found me. Faster down the hill. Over the log. Reach for the ridge. Follow the open blue sky between the evergreen trunks. 

Slip under fast large hands. Hardwood scraps small bare knees. Away from him. Away from the man. Go go go. 

Feet hush to the quiet breeze and soft rainfall of leaves. The broken footpath behind me, bare. Maybe turned back to the shellraiser for something. No matter. Least I can slow down, and lungs can breathe. 

Leaves rustle ahead. Green blur drops from above. Dead in his tracks. The tall slender turtle raises his hands and snatches me. Should have known. Been raised by ninjas for Pete sake. 

Jerk arms in his grip. Swallow the rock down. 

“Donnie, what are you doing here? Let me go.”

Sink away from his gaze. Loosen his grip to one hand on my arm. 

He pants, “I’m not here to fight, and I should be the one asking you the same question.” 

Rip his hand off me. No point in running. His long legs follow behind down the path. As I pick up the lawn chair. 

“No phone call, no note, do you know what I found in that camper?” His feet pound behind. 

Pick up what’s left of the 6 pack. Dangle the last 2 cans yet to be drank. No point in hiding it now. Plus he said he’s not here to fight. There’s no need to answer. Lanky green hands rip the plastic rings. 

“Hey!”

Whirl back to the two cans soar into the forest. Shove Donnie back. 

“What the hell was that for? That stuff ain’t cheap.” 

He towers over me. Loom a dark shadow over. Calm eyes narrow into deep violet slits. Deepens his sharp tongue. 

“Do you know how long I drove to find you,

How long we’ve been looking for you?” 

Step out of his shadow. Continue down the path into the sunlight. Home sweet home lies ahead. 

Shrug as I go, “You didn’t have to. Just decided to take a trip, that's all, what’s wrong with that?”  

Old life lingers in the shadows. Listen to teeth grit splinters. Boy did he skip coffee? Why is he hear anyway. Everyone knows so what’s the point?

Set the lawn chair back under the shade of a hunter's green awning. Since Mr. Grumpy in the corner threw a good set of cans. Guess I’ll have to get more. Crawl back inside the brown velvet coffin. Weave over the thrown cans on the floor. Guess I’ll have to clean this soon. The camper door slams shut. 

“I wouldn’t shut that, unless you want to melt.” I speak to the ghost by the door. 

Silence. Gonna be civil now. Want to burn holes through my head? Go on, do it. Everyone else is gone, why should anything matter. Open the mini fridge. To an endless supply of bottles, cans, and what I forgot most. Leaps off the shelves, plop to the fuzzy floor. 

Oh shit. 

“…what is that?” 

He’s the brainiac and yet he’s asking me? Should be pretty obvious by the label. Let his long legs weave around me. Take a bag from the fridge. I Crack open a cold one. Fire burns down all those dark heavy nights. Think back to all of the colorful waves last night.

“…T-this…” 

Leave him in the camper. Let him figure it out himself. Wasn’t supposed to be here to begin with. Might as well read what brand I use, for what? Who knows. 

Set the can in the lawn chair. Camper door shuts, no slam? Weird. Shouldn’t he be furious or something? 

Been standing there for a while. Turn to him at the metal steps. Shaded from the hot sun. Bag shivers in between his fingers. Lost to the horizon. That I’ve seen thousands of times in his brown eyes. His internal gears whir. He never looks like this unless…

“You do know, right?” 

Silence answers. The deep rise and fall of his chest. He sinks down to the flatten tall grass. Let the bag fall between his fingers. A look I make when I wake up from a nightmare. Before I would run straight to his bedroom. 

Set the can away. How? What?! 

Rise up from the old seat. I ask, “The guys never told you?” 

Rise from his palms, bambi eyes round wide, “They know about this?!” 

“Well…yeah”- 

“How long?” He mutters, waiting for an answer, “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

Take a step away from his ember coals glow. Shrug an answer, “I thought you knew, how can everyone else know but you Donnie, you know every inch of the city.” 

“How was I supposed to know?” He shoots from the ground. Bury me in his height, “You never call or text me anymore, and then leave the city to who knows where, does Mikey know?!” 

Mikey. Golden sun, white dust particles float over the sweet turtle. Bath in old and new sunlight. Breathe that old dry air of that lazy morning. 

Nod in silence. Hoarse throat stops all words Heavy numb limbs drag back inside the brown coffin. Large queen size mattress at the back. Warm by the sun. Shut all of the curtains away. Curl all away in a ball. Close away from all life. This is not what is supposed to happen. 

“Sweetheart?” Footsteps wobble the camper. 

No answer. Feel the camper sink down with him. Warmth touches my arch back, soft thumb rubs me to the old cool lab. All those years ago. 

“What are your plans for being out here?” He whispers. 

No, he already knows now. He can’t know about this too. It will crush him. Shiver under his soft palm. There’s no going back. I’ve made this decision. Already caused enough problems as it is. First Leo. How it all turned Raph down into this dark hole. Times I’ve picked him up because of what I’ve done. Tried to fix it all for Mikey. Tried to be happy for Mikey. Yet…I am here. This is what I deserve. Donnie shouldn’t even be here. Why is he still here?

Weight shifts the mattress. Warmth drapes behind all along against me. His long arm slides around me. Pull me back tight against his beating heart. Donnie’s muzzle nestles deep into my shoulder. It doesn't take much for him to know. 

Brush back strands from my cheek. 

He whispers, “You don’t deserve to go through this alone.” 

Roll in his arms. Drown myself into this chest I’ve missed so much all night long. Muzzle in his sweet scent and warmth. Squeeze all pain in his tight arms. 

I shake, “I-I Don’t kn-know… if I can go back, big brother, I-I’m too broken. No one should be stuck with me”- 

Soft lips plant firm silence my heavy forehead. 

“You are never too broken, it’s okay to have space for a while when you need it.” His deep voice murmurs in my ear. 

Cling on to his belt. The same way when I was small. Take me back to the memories. Away from all of this. Let all of the pain drip onto his chest. Choke on my words.

As my brainiac brother traces slow circles on my back. Sweet rich coffee fills my world. Over the fresh pine. More warm than the summer hot sun. A soft sigh quells more than the lone loon. I am back home. This is home. Safe. Can hide here as long as I need. 

 He whispers, “I will stay for as long as you need me, little pupil.” 

Bit through all the painful tears to fall. That roll down my brother’s chest. Yesterday I was in darkness. Tomorrow, who knows where I will be. For now I am with Donatello. My close friend, my big brother.

I am home. 

[haleigh-sloth]

Alastor, the wild card

Okay, I have to get this out because it's driving me nuts not having it written down.

I watched Hazbin Hotel. I watched the pilot 4 years ago, immediately liked Alastor. 4 years go by and he gets put on the back burner, but now that the main series has begun, oohhhhh boy.

This is basically just me laying out everything I think is going on with/going to happen with Alastor--the seeming wild card--and then what I ultimately think his end game will somewhat look like. Alastor has a lot of different little plot points going on with him, that all point in different directions, but I believe will all end up pointing at one specific ending. I'll go through the different plot directions tied to him in a list but not in the particular order I think they will occur, because I'm really not sure of that yet other than the last:

Beef with the Vees, Vox specifically

Lucifer

His deal, in other words his "leash"

His relationship to the hotel and everyone in it

His relationship to Charlie

Not a long list but a lot of thoughts altogether so here goes.

The Vees and Vox:

I'll start here, but this ties into other stuff later. The Vees, very much MOSTLY Vox and Valentino, are problems. They're these media industrial overlords who own people (it's such a mystery what type of modern-day issues these 3 characters are touching on), and they exploit, take advantage of, and harm people. They're clearly antagonists, even if not the main ones at this time. Now for the sake of keeping this about Alastor, we're gonna focus on Vox, because obviously they have past beef. We don't know ALL the details of what it is (aside from Alastor rejecting Vox's offer), but we know it resulted in a fight in which he "almost" beat Vox. And it seems they were on decent terms at one point, evidenced by what looks like Vox's head in this torn out photo that Vox had pinned to his board in the finale:

Alastor has an ego. He's an overlord. A highly regarded one, and he's obviously strong. He writes off pretty much everyone around him. He doesn't seem to be afraid of anyone, or even remotely bothered by people who show up to attack him or the hotel. He only shows any kind of acknowledgement of someone else's strength when he goes to the overlord meeting in episode 3. But outside of that, he does not seem to give anyone else the time of day.

So that's really funny considering that when Vox starts trash talking him on TV, he takes the bait and gets competitive. He goes on the air, he trash talks back, he gets personal with it. And when Vox loses signal, Alastor continues sending a final, very sinister warning.

And he's not being his usual joke-y self. He's being serious. He's turning into his Wendigo-looking form, which is quite scary looking. We're supposed to take him seriously here because he's not writing Vox off. He is, for lack of a better way of putting it, taking Vox seriously as an opponent. He's being usually egotistical, but he's still putting more effort into this little social media battle than he has for (almost) any other opponent. And not to mention, Vox was shown in the pilot:

So, while this was pretty much shelved for the reason of season 1, it's coming back. And it's going to be an issue for everyone, including Alastor.

Lucifer:

This is going to be my second favorite section of this post. Because it's hilarious, and also somewhat endearing to me how he reacted to meeting Lucifer. I'm sure people noticed, but when Lucifer walked in and hugged Charlie, the frame moved up to show Alastor's face, and his eye was twitching in that moment.

Then a moment later they shake hands, and he wipes his hand off on his coat. And later Lucifer bumps into his arm when walking past him and he brushes his arm off-again. Clearly, Alastor does not like Lucifer. Now, I'm like 100% sure there are yet-to-be-revealed reasons for this that have not even been remotely touched on (Lilith), but there are some obvious guesses we can make based on what we now have in season 1.

There's the fact that Alastor's ego is present here. He points out Lucifer's height, in a condescending way. So that's a thing, but I think it goes beyond that. I'll dive into Alastor and Charlie toward the end, but I do think Charlie is part of the reason for his behavior in episode 5. Alastor is showing off his additions to the hotel, but he isn't really boasting about himself at this point. He's being very pointed about giving Charlie all of the credit, and he is very intentional about saying what an "impressive young lady" she is and saying how "VERY proud" THEY (meaning him and the others there) are of her. It's very odd and hilarious that he's pulling all of this out in front of her dad. I mean, I have my guesses, but given that Alastor then starts challenging her dad in a sing-off, saying he's a dud of a parent, and just straight up saying he could be her dad--I'd say Lucifer's lack of effort in Charlie bugs the shit out of Alastor. I'll explain more on that later, though.

The last point I'll make here to transition into the next section is that I'm sure Lilith has something to do with this disdain for Lucifer. However, I'm really not sure what side of Lilith Alastor knows. My guess is it isn't a good side though.

Which brings me to Alastor's "leash", the handler being Lilith.

I mean, this feels as on the nose as the Dabi is Touya theories. Alastor's been gone for 7 years. Lilith has been gone for 7 years. Vestial said he heard a rumor Alastor fell into "holy arms". We know Lilith is chillin in heaven (but other people don't..so again, mystery). Alastor won't tell anyone why he was gone. We know someone owns Alastor in some way right now. I mean....it's gotta be Lilith. It could be a red herring and be a complete surprise later, but it feels like something very obvious that we just won't get to see for a while and will have to wait in anticipation. Lilith is not painted in the best light right this second, but honestly it's impossible to tell whether she's actually Not Great or if there's layers to this. My guess is probably a little of both.

Alastor being involved with the hotel could be because of Lilith. That also feels somewhat obvious, though again, I'll dive into Charlie in a second.

Hazbin Hotel:

Things start to somewhat all tie together here.

Okay let's take this back to the pilot when Alastor introduced himself to the show. He said he views the hotel as an investment for entertainment, and a lost cause, and something to laugh about. He repeats this in episode 1 to remind everyone that he still views Charlie's vision as something impossible to achieve and something to laugh at. Howeverrrrrr--

We shouldn't ignore the fact that ever since he showed up to "help", under the guise that he thinks the hotel is a joke, he has given a lot more than he had originally stated he'd intended. For someone supposedly who enjoys watching others fail and fall into misery, he sure does put a lot of effort into something he considers to be a massive joke. And the funny thing is that he says in the pilot that redemption is impossible, but we literally KNOW IT'S NOT. Sir Pentious immediately brings Alastor's motive for involving himself with the hotel into question. Of course we have no idea how much Alastor actually knows about redemption, but we can't disregard the very real possibility that he's involved with Lilith (holy arms) and the very real possibility that he's aware of her whereabouts (heaven). We don't know all of those details yet. But what we do know is that all of Alastor's efforts are fueling something that is working. SO HIS EFFORTS ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE..

So I guess that brings me to--what does he actually think of the hotel? Like reeeeaaallly think of it?

His behavior throughout the 8 episodes shifts significantly from the pilot and episode 1 even. He repeats it's a joke in episode 1. And then continues to put genuine efforts into keeping Charlie from giving up even when things get tough and she feels really beaten down. (I'll tie this into why I think he dislikes Lucifer in the Charlie sections).

I also am questioning his real vision of the hotel because it is certainly not something to be ignored that he put Husker and Niffty into the hotel--the hotel about redemption and salvation. Yeah, he's an overlord. He owns their souls. But he's forcing them to stay in a hotel that we literally already KNOW is going to save them in some way. Husker and Angel have their thing going, which will be a good thing. Niffty has a group of people who will protect her, evidenced by episode 6. So, again, Alastor's efforts are all leading to Charlie's hotel being nothing but successful (in the end). But yet he says it's all a joke.

And I think the biggest hint at there being something more here is that Alastor willingly put himself against Adam. And we KNOW that Alastor is leashed somehow. His wings are "clipped". And he ran off to go have a quick little break down in private about almost being killed because of this. Obviously his powers are shackled per his deal.

And yet? He still pit himself against Adam. Knowing this about himself. He also DID almost die for them--his friends, if we can assume he really meant that (I think later on that will be the case). This notion obviously bothers him, a lot. He went to his broadcast station and freaked out over the fact that he really did almost die for them. And then he still went back, knowing that they know he lost his fight. What a blow to his ego! He's the only one who lost and they all know it because they had to deal with Adam after he left.

I won't write off the possibility that he has to be there per some deal (assuming it's Lilith), but that doesn't negate the fact that his demeanor toward the hotel and everyone there changed from beginning of season 1 to the end.

We don't know yet what Alastor really thinks, yet. That's internal and won't be shown until later. But I don't think it's wise to take his word for it from the pilot and from episode 1, and then ignore everything that came after when it's obvious his behavior shows something else entirely.

Lastly, his relationship to Charlie ties everything together.

Again, this started off as a joke to him. He SAYS that he thinks Charlie is working for something impossible. And yet throughout the season he's been shown to be really endearing toward her.

I think my favorite part showing this was him telling her in episode 7 that "It's not like you've ever failed to inspire before." He meant himself. Because in that same sequence Charlie says she usually sings to get her point across but it never works. Except it did, because that's literally what brought Alastor to her doorstep.

That, plus Alastor's obvious disdain for her father that he shows when she isn't looking (the eye twitch), him trying to motivate her from giving up when she's all depressed, him singing about her with Rosie. I think he genuinely admires her and finds her inspiring, and genuinely likes her. Which is really interesting when you look at how he reacted to the presence of her father, and when you consider the very real possibility that he's very much indebted to her mother. Their dynamic is by far my favorite because Alastor is just very NOT easy to read.

However there is a problem that will come up later, and it's the deal he made with Charlie.

So now I'll try to tie everything together:

Alastor has this unsettled business with Vox. He isn't going to let it go. It's going to be a problem somehow. Alastor is stuck in a deal with someone, it's going to be a problem somehow. Alastor now has an unfulfilled deal with Charlie. It's going to be a problem somehow. Alastor hasn't made any vocal admittance that he doesn't view the hotel as a joke, so his front about it being impossible is still kind of there, and that's coupled with the fact that we know he's wrong. All of these things are obstacles to what I'm PRETTY SURE is going to be the hotel's final and biggest obstacle and success:

redeeming Alastor.

Before I go further I'm going to touch on the pilot here.

There are three very bold statements made in the pilot:

"Inside of every demon is a rainbow."

"Inside of every demon is a lost cause."

"He can't be redeemed."

Who is right?

Well, CHARLIE is the heart of the show. The core of what the show wants to portray--redemption and salvation. (Hams is probably right that she is a Jesus figure). I think the odds are in her favor. ALASTOR made a statement that we now have very solid undeniable evidence disproving, now that season 1 is over. So he's out. VAGGIE ended up having a dark and painful secret that she's done unforgivable things to Charlie's home. And yet, she's making the judgment call about Alastor? I think she's out. And also, her statement is the introduction to one of the biggest challenges in the show for Charlie. Because Charlie believes in the opposite of what Alastor and Vaggie are saying. And like I said, the odds are in Charlie's favor.

Now, Alastor obviously doesn't seem like the type to want redemption, or strive for that. Because I'm pretty sure he's not. For now, on the surface. There are a lot of negative things in his way. His beef with Vox and his deal shackling his powers that he wants freedom from. And I'd honestly bet money that those things will all stand in the way of Charlie redeeming him because he'll be focused on these things that keep him from wanting to do better and change--even though throughout season 1 he already showed slow but undeniable signs of changing, whether he wants to admit it or not.

But I think the point of his arc is to end up being someone who does want better. I think his obvious liking for Charlie is something that will save him from a dark and desperate place, a place we've kind of already gotten a peak into. And I think that at the end of the day, every ounce of effort he put into the hotel for Charlie, under the guise of it being for his entertainment, will all end up helping him the most out of everyone in the end.

And I'm very excited.

[onejuicyfruuit]

NSFW Questions about me!

Anything you want to know? Comment which number on this post, and I’ll answer 😈❤️😘

1: Kitchen counter, couch, or on top of the dryer?

2: Your last sexual encounter: Good or bad, and why? 

3: A fictional person that you think would be good in bed:

4: Something that never fails to make you horny:

5: Where is one place you would never have sex:

6: The most awkward moment during a sexual experience was when:

7: Weirdest thing that ever made you horny:

8: What is the best way to sexually bind someone:

9: What is the fastest way to make you horny: 

10: Top or bottom? 

11: We were about to have sex but then ________

12: Is one orgasm enough? Are multiple orgasms necessary?

13: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find:

14: Weirdest nickname a significant other has ever called you:

15: Two things you like [or dislike] about oral sex:

16: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you: 

17: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]

18: Is it ever okay to not use a condom:

19: Who was the sexiest teacher you ever had?

20: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience:

21: How big is too big?

22: One sexual thing you would never do:

23: Biggest turn on?

24: Three spots that drive you insane: 

25: Worst possible time to get horny:

26: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans?

27: Worst sexual idea you ever had:

28: How much fapping is too much fapping:

29: Best sexual complement you ever got:

30: Bald, landing strip, Jumanji:

31: Is it good sex if you don’t nut:

32: Fill in the blank: “If they ____________, we are fucking.

33: What your favorite part of your body?

34: Favorite foreplay activities:

35: Love or Sex?

36: What do you wear to bed?

37: When was the first time you masturbated?

38: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?

39: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?

40: Have/would you ever have sex in public?

41: Have/would you ever had a threesome?

42: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?

43: Have/would you ever masturbate at work/school?

44: Have/would you ever have sex on a plane?

45: What is one song you’d like to have sex to?

46: What is something nonsexual that makes you horny?

47: Most attractive celebrity?

48: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not?

49: If a child was born on the occasion of the last time you had sex, how old would that child be right now?

50: Has anyone ever posted nude pictures of you online?

51: What is one thing that NEVER makes you horny?

52: Do you have stretch marks? (How do you feel about them? Has anyone ever had a problem with them?)

53: Do you like giving head? (why/why not)

54: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?

55: How would you feel about taking someones virginity?

56: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?

57: Is there anything you do on Tumblr that you would not like your significant other to see?

58: Do you own any sex toys? (what is it? how long have you had it?) 

59: Would you give your significant other unrestricted access to your Tumblr for a day?

60: Would you be offended if your significant other suggested you get plastic surgery?

61: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?

62: Do you watch porn?

63: How small is too small?

64: Have you ever been called a freak? Why?

65: Who gave you your last kiss? Did it mean anything?

66: Would you switch phones with your significant other for a day?

67: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”?

68: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair?

69: If you could give yourself head, would you?

70: Booty or Boobs?

71: If you had a penis, what would you name it?

72: Have you ever been on an official date?

73: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)

74: If you were a stripper, what would your name be?

75: Have you ever had sex in your parents bed? (Would you?)

76: How would you react if you found out your parents had sex in your bed?

77: What was your reaction the first time you saw a penis/vagina?

78: If you had a penis for a day, what are five things you would do?

[aroundthesims]

Get to know me

Tagged by @descendantdragfi​ - Thank you for having thought of me! *smooch*

1. What do you have under your bed? Travel bags, a guitar case and dust. Do you know that in french, we don't have dust bunnies, but sheeps? :D

2. Favourite candy? Chocolate (to be very precised: milk chocolate with nuts and dried grapes)

3. The last thing you drew/doodled was:  Ahaha, I doodled around my schedule for the Advent calendar; the day names are filled with flowers or abstract doodles. I drew them when I was at phone. I can't speak at phone without doodling! Sometimes I draw a word that has been said during the conversation and doodle around all the conversation long! :D

4. Are you completely sober rn?  Right now, yes, absolutely.

5. What’s the one thing that annoys you more than anything? Pfffffff... So many things! But the fact most of our politicians totally ignore the climate change drive me really mad.

6. Have you ever gotten your tongue stuck to a cold pole during winter?  Nooooo! When I was a kid, I had my fingers stuck a couple of times on the metallic ice-cube container that was in our freezer, and each time, it made a tiny black ball of blood on my fingers. It didn't make me want to see what it would do if it was my tongue! :D

7. If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would it be? Where I am, but in a safer world.

8. What was the single last word you spoke? "See you later", at phone with a friend. Well, no, to be exact I said “A plus tard!”

Tagging the lovely people who commented my Advent Calendar post! @bioniczombie​, @simlicious​, @ joshttew , @adamularsims​​, @peterthesim​, @ enjoji101,  @ studio-papillon , @ bbcopperdaisy , @simsaralove , @mspoodle1 (of course, feel free to ignore! :)))

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

576 of 2023

1 - Does it bother you when dogs lick you?

Yes, it does. I don't like the smell of dogs and I don't like the feel of their tongues.

2 - Have you ever lost a nail completely for any reason? What happened?

Yeah, when I was a kid. I somehow torn it on the swing. Thankfully it grew back and I already forgot how it feels :P

3 - What was the last item you received in the mail?

A custom phone case with the photo of my late cat Victoria printed on it.

4 - When was the last time you used a hot water bottle?

I don't think I've ever used it.

5 - Have you ever been told you drink too much caffeine? Do you think that’s true?

Nah, I always tried to limit my intake. Now I had to cut off caffeine completely because it stops my meds from working.

6 - Do you have any caring responsibilities for anyone else? What do those responsibilities involve?

Yes, for my cat, previously two cats. I feed them and clean their litterbox. We both buy them food and play with them. I also have a teenager in the house. I technically don't do anything, but I buy food for him, too.

7 - Have you ever had any experience with alcoholism?

Not personal.

8 - When was the last time you cleaned the bathroom?

Technically today.

9 - How much does it cost you to fill your car up? Do you need to do it often?

I have no real insight because it's not me who drives our car.

10 - How often do you see family members that you don’t live with?

At least once a year, just this year we've been there 4 times.

11 - Would you ever want to live on a houseboat?

Nah, I prefer a standard house. I might try for a week, but not for the lifetime.

12 - Do you wear shoes inside your house?

No. Only if I go to the backyard.

13 - What color eyes do your pet(s) have?

Yellow. Susie has bright yellow eyes, but Victoria had yellow eyes, too.

14 - When was the last time you played The Sims?

I never really played it. Not interested.

15 - Would you rather have a swimming pool or a hot tub?

Swimming pool, hands down.

16 - Are you watching anything on TV at the moment, or are you listening to music while you fill this out?

Watching TV, with one eye.

17 - What do you do with unwanted gifts?

I try to sell them.

18 - Do you have any friends or relatives that you regularly have to help when it comes to using technology?

Yeah, my mum. She's bad at it.

19 - Do you prefer scented or unscented candles?

Unscented, but I rarely use candles anyway.

20 - What was the last thing you cooked in the oven? What about on the hob?

Ribs and soup.

21 - What’s your favorite way to eat chicken?

Baked wings and wraps. I like chicken in general.

22 - Do you prefer cows milk or another type of milk?

Cow milk, definitely. It has to be whole for me. I can't stand skimmed milk. Things like qlmond and cashew milk are out of question because I'm allergic to nuts.

23 - What time do you consider to be a lie-in?

Past 8am. I take my morning meds then.

24 - When was the last time you changed any of your piercing jewelry?

Ears, yesterday. My facial piercings, I haven't since I've redone them.

25 - If you could have a years’ worth of something for free, what would you pick?

Cat food. Susie is so damn expensive these days.

26 - Have you ever won anything on a scratch card or the lottery?

Yeah, 50€. It happened only once.

27 - Is there a hobby you loved five years ago that you don’t enjoy anymore?

Can't think of anything. My hobbies are stable.

28 - Do you watch the Great British Bake Off (or the Great British Baking Show as it’s known in the US)?

No, never heard of it.

29 - Would you leave the house in what you’re wearing at the moment?

Yeah, sure. Why wouldn't I?

30 - When was the last time you needed to charge your phone?

It's on charging right now.

[riverageleis]

I've been MIA for a few weeks. Between my mental health, starting a couple of new projects, work, and renovations, my spoons have been dangerously low.

Mental Health

I had a Myriad genetic test to see why I failed so many SSRI/SNRIs. The answer is because of the answer is because of all of the ones on the market three (3) work with my genetics. The rest are 'might be okay' or 'absolutely the fuck not.' I've already failed one of the 3, so that makes two left. It is also why I have failed tricyclics. The vast majority of them are in the 'lolnope' category. So is my current antipsychotic, so I guess I get to detox from it. >:-[

Anyway, so Pristiq is making me vaguely paranoid (vaguely being above baseline...) and now I'm sleeping around 4 hours, which is why I'm up at 0130 typing this. I'm tired all the time, have a headache, have all but stopped eating, and in general don't constantly want to unalive myself, but holy fucking fuck! I'm so tired I could drop into a coma at any point during my day. All of these are known side effects., so yay. I titrated up on my dose a week ago and all of those things have gotten worse. Also, yay.

Oh! And a couple of weeks ago I had this random asshole get angry at me on the road because I had the audacity to be in front of him and slow down to turn into my driveway. He was going to turn into the drive behind me and make the biggest mistake of his life until he saw my partner come out of the house and then he thought better of it. That's twice now in the space of a year that men have thought they were going to intimidate me by following me because I had the audacity to be afab existing alone in a vehicle. (The other got mad because I had the audacity to pass him because he was going 20mph under the speed limit.) Some of us have no flight response. That's bad for someone just wanting to be a scary jerk.

New Projects

I'm about 4k words into 2 new stories with about 8k words to edit in my finished works. The aforementioned exhaustion has got those things moving slower than I'd like, despite all of the extra hours in my day.

Work

I'm working long hours again, this last week it was 49. The two weeks before it averaged 44 each. The extra pay helps with bills since my partner was unemployed for 2 months and has worked at his new job for 2 weeks. His unemployment still hasn't come through. (Thanks 'small government' Republicans! It's great that you're in my uterus, but also want to destroy any social safety net us poors might need, you know, like unemployment. You're awesome!)

Renovations

They all but stopped until the last 2 weeks. I think daddy was sick of my partner being under foot for everything instead of worrying about getting a job. Honestly, I was, too. We moved a year ago and he's been unemployed almost half that time. If we hadn't been living in an RV this whole time, we'd have been homeless. (Not really, but mom and dad would have been paying rent or bills or something because I couldn't.) It was only when I told him that he needed to think about moving back to Missouri did he find a job and quickly. It wasn't like this before we moved. He was always employed. I also have fruits and veggies going nuts. I have a sweet potato that I'm going to put in a hanging basket. I have 6 volunteer tomato plants, two of which are losing their minds. I have no less than 3, probably, cantaloupe plants in my burgeoning compost pile. Horsenettle all over the yard, muscadine vines (wild grapes), wild petunias. This wee witch's cottage loves us as much as we love it.

The Cats

And because I need to end on a high note, I need to talk about my cats. My almost 9-year-old beastie, Clarise the former completely indoor City Kitty, has embraced the idea of being a Country Cat. She's being supervised as she explores the yard and all that our wee acre has to offer her, which is mostly grass. She has flea and tick medicine on for the first time in her life. I also discovered that her soft double coat is too dense for a tick to get through. How? I found one on her face trying its damndest to get through to her skin. It was failing. So, now we do tick checks, despite the medicine. Lt. Dan is turning into the most rambunctious little bugger as she heads toward 6 months old. Still, nothing seems to phase her, so I hope she's going to be super chill. She was desexed recently and completely unbothered by the surgery. She also got her first dose of flea medicine because she didn't weigh enough to have any yet. She is also excited to be a Country Cat, except they don't make a harness small enough for her. Fun fact: Tiny dog harnesses are the same size as kitten harnesses.

[golfupnorth]

December 1, 2022 Newsletter

Last month I said "Golfing in Northern Michigan is over until next year" - I was wrong!

There were several golf courses making decisions on opening on a day-to-day basis to mid November. My husband golfed with some friends at Elmbrook Golf Course on November 3rd, although it was a little chilly. I was able to take advantage of a beautiful 71-degree day on the 10th and play 9 holes at Interlochen Golf Course.

I am pretty confident to sit here and say that the courses in Northern Michigan are now closed until spring.

Bradley's Pub & Grill

One of the things I like about Interlochen Golf Course is that because they have a fabulous full-service year-round restaurant (Bradley’s Pub & Grill), so they are able to be flexible about golfing in the shoulder seasons. Depending on the weather and the conditions they will open and allow carts most of the time.

Because it was so late in the season and the day (we had a 3:15 tee time) they allowed 5 of us to golf together. We golfed with my son, his wife and my 12-year-old grandson. We had a blast! My grandson played best ball with us, but I was impressed with his drives, he has some power behind them.

Kids clubs are loaned for FREE!

My granddaughter started golfing when she was around 4 and continued for a few years. Between her other Grandpa and myself we spent a small fortune buying her clubs to fit her size as she grew.

You do not have to do that at Interlochen Golf Course. They have a wide selection of kid golf clubs that they loan out for FREE!

Jim VanDusen loved golf and was a member that provided the funds to buy several sets of children clubs. He wanted the clubs to be loaned free of charge.

Golfing can be quite pricey just in green fees, add in the cost of clubs and it is out of reach for some. It is so great that kids can try golfing without having to use their dad’s old clubs that are much too big and clunky to learn the game properly.

I have mentioned before that my first-time golfing (which was at Interlochen) was with an old thrown together set of clubs my husband had deemed not worthy of his bag, so basically his old junk. Once I had clubs that were meant for my height and strength it made an enormous difference and made the game that much more enjoyable.

Meet Fisher

Because of the generosity of the anonymous donor, I got to meet a young golfer that day. His name is Fisher Worden, and he is only 5 years old, and he loves to golf with his dad. Mom and his sister were along to cheer him on. Standing there watching Fisher golf you could not help but smile. We all take this game much too serious at times and forget that it is a game and games are meant to be played and enjoyed. That is exactly what Fisher was doing on that wonderful 70+ degree November day, having a fun time on the course.

If you have a child that you would like to introduce to golf, head to Traverse City and take them to Interlochen Golf Course. Not only will they get to use clubs meant for their little hands, but you could be introducing the next Tiger to the game of golf!

Thank you, Fisher, for being a pro with nerves of steel and letting me take a picture of you teeing off!

Back to Golfing

The afternoon was perfect, and I have to say that my game with my new clubs just keeps getting better and better. Not sure if it is that I am finally use to the clubs or that I have been working out on a rower or a combination, but I was impressed with myself.

Hole 2 at Interlochen is a hard dog leg to the right. My hope as with most dog legs is to hit to the center of the fairway right at the turn. My reality at this hole is that it usually goes in either the trees or the bunkers to the right of the turn. Not this time, I was dead nuts in the center of the fairway and even rolled right a little towards the green. That was when I knew this was going to be a good round.

I was not wrong. Interlochen has some interesting hole layouts and a couple are close to the highway that can be a distraction. Nothing was stopping me. I would love to say I got par for the 9 holes, but we all know that did not happen. I did get a couple of par holes and I had a blast.

Just getting to golf on November 10th in northern Michigan with a little bit of sunshine was the big win. Looking back over other golfing in the “winter” notes the latest before this was November 8th in 2019.

Bonus – Dinner at Bradley’s Pub & Grill

We stayed for dinner at Bradley’s. They have amazing appetizers and I do this every single time. I order a couple of appetizers for the table and by the time my entrée arrives, I am always stuffed. The last couple of times, my son was part of our dinner group, he loves when I do this because he gets to take my leftovers home. 😊

Regardless of the season, if you are in the Traverse City area make your way to Interlochen and have dinner at Bradley’s. You will not regret it!

Snow is flying ☹

We had a healthy snowstorm ahead of Thanksgiving and some of the snow was still on the ground Thanksgiving Day but most melted by the afternoon. A couple of warm days and we are back to a howling wind and snow flying sideways. Need to start planning a trip to sunshine.

See all the pictures we have taken over the years at Interlochen

We have taken some pictures at Interlochen over the years. You can view them all by visiting our Interlochen Picture Page.

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We hope you enjoyed our latest issue of The Golf Up North Newsletter.

Disclosure: We never tell a course who we are when we book and play a course. We do not ask nor will we accept free rounds to write about a course. We pay full price for our rounds for everyone in our group.

[chelleztjs18]

Hello you mrs. overpacker iced coffee drinker spicy eater sneezy lefty eyebag 😅

Good morning and hope you had a good nights rest. How are you today?

If you get the switch, then you can teach Emily to play video games with you. You guys can play Mario kart together hahaha then invite me to online play and we can compete 🤣

For Christmas dinner, I'm gonna make baked honey ham. Not sure on the sides yet, I'm debating on what to eat with the ham. Actually the dinner will be for the 24th, cause I decided to work on Christmas day.

You going to add "needs to like spicy food" as a deal breaker in a relationship? Hahaha just kidding. I guess I'm out of the race 😔

Dang she is going to be busy. Yeah hopefully she still has time to at least have fun and stuff. 2 jobs and school sounds difficult, to me at least.

Have you ever made a birthday wish and it came true?

‐CuriousGeorge

Hello hello corn-punn desert lover who's going to make me some tiramissu someday righty eyebag. lol

I didnt really have a long enough good sleep last night n woke up still with allergies n today my eyes are super itchy n my nose hurt. been sneezing too. i hate allergies.

i slept late last night because i decided to post pt. 3 of the monsters within at 1.30am lol. so i can focus on my chores today. I hope u like the pt. 3 and u r more than welcomed with any question u wanna ask me about it. :D

how r u? hows ur day so far n whats ur plan today?

haha that would be fun. i love mario kart. my favorie is crash bandicot game. i dont know if i ever ask u but whats ur favorite game?

What u doin now? I'm writing a bit pt 4 while watching the show Paranormal Caught On Camera lol

ooohh i love ham! if it's up to me, i want to have ham for christmas dinner but his brother wants traditional turkey dinner and his mom doesnt eat pork. so yeah, turkey for dinner i guess. :(

oh why did u pick to work on christmas? that sucks. I'm sorry! but i'll be still be here, n u can send me ask anytime.

I didnt say that cant eat spicy is the deal breaker though. :D

wanna know what's my deal breaker? if they chew loud and talk while they chew.. that gross me out so bad and drive me nuts. or when they use the utensils so loud. like, if you hear the knife n fork or spoon n fork make loud nice hitting each other or the plate, if that makes sense.

u can fart or burp in front of me, i can still tolerate n just give u a look. lol. but not if u chew so loud, big nope. hahaha. i once had a blind date, he was a handsome italian man, he even help me pull the chair for me to take a seat and or open the car door. but when we eat, he chews loud n talk while chewing. So no second date after that. :D

oh yeah, it will be busy for her. I just hope she wont get sick because she gets exhausted n i'm just here can only text her but cant take care of her, you know. :(

hmm i dont remember. i think i had my birthday wish came true a few time.. talking about wish comes true, i have been wishing and dreaming move to U.S and become citizen since i was in 4th grade. n my dream came true. :D

what bout u?

next question?

Cheerio! (not the cereal one)

[echos-newlegs]

So this is an NSFW Alphabet for Echo requested by @smallandangrey . They requested a Tech one as well, and an Echo fic so 😳 expect some more stuff.

I am still working on other requests in my inbox as well! Dw. Just worked on this since it was easier for my tired brain. Hopefully I can write an actual one-shot tomorrow 😌💕💕

No tags since this is strictly nsfw and I don't wanna make the tags uncomfortable 😳 idk it's late and I'm overthinking lmaoo

Echo NSFW Alphabet below the cut

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Since the citadel Echo has been real into affection. Especially with you. It often grounds him and reminds him that he's there, you're there, this is real. This is happening. So when the two of you finish he is almost always pulling you close to him. Though it did take some warming up, since at first he was really worried he'd hurt you or make you uncomfortable with his mechanical limbs. 

After sex he just enjoys a good cuddle. He Especially loves it when you let him lay his head on your chest and you hold him. 

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

After the citadel incident he's never really been into anything on himself. He'd have to say his eyes or his mouth. Since you always say you love his eyes, and his mouth seems to bring you the most pleasure from sex. Though I do hc only his thigh down were blown off in the explosion. He still isn't too sure about it since after citadel he lost a lot of his stamina and he doesn't last as long as he used to. 

On you, I see this hc a lot but it honestly makes sense to me. Don't ask why, but he is a tits man. He enjoys the softer, sweeter things in life. So your tits? Small or big? Sheesh he's on 'em like they're his will to live! He could lay on them, squeeze 'em, or even suck on them all night if you let him. After you got him to open up about what he wanted to try out. Which again- took some time. But he admitted he'd like to fuck your tits. It was awkward at first for him, but he absolutely nearly died after. Especially since that was probably the shortest he'd ever last with you. He just completely lost it, especially when you licked some of the cum that got on the corner of your mouth. He swears his soul left him for a second after that. 

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He's not too into messes, but he does enjoy Cumming on your chest or your stomach. Echo doesn't really want to even try and risk accidentally impregnating you. Even if you are on the pill. Tech explained to him how even condoms AND the pill can backfire in numerous ways, and now he's just not risking it. So he normally just cums on your chest or. If you're okay with it, he'll finish in your mouth. Which also has him going absolutely nuts. 

As for yours? He loves it on his tongue. Eating you out is one of his favorite things to do, and when you cum from JUST his tongue? Absolutely heavenly for the man. 

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) 

Echo would be interested in trying out toys I fell. Especially with his mecho hand. He'd find add ons that gave you pleasure. Or was just enough to just tease you with. I feel like he would also have a dirty photo of you saved for just him when the two of you are apart. One that you don't know about so it just adds to his own thrill. 

 E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Echo at first after the citadel is fairly rusty. If the two of you were together before then he's really insecure he won't meet the expectations like he did before he was in stasis for almost over a year. If the two of you weren't together he's still insecure, but at least he knows that you don't know how he was in bed previous years before. 

He does in fact know what he's doing. His arc twin is Fives, and I am sure that door told him stories and hooked Echo up with at least one or two beings in their lifetime. 

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Since Echo is a tits man he likes you either on your back, riding him, or fucking you with a mirror in front of the two of you. The way your tits bounce mesmerize him and he loves having his mouth or hands on them while the two of you get nasty. What drives him absolutely feral is when you ride him and bring his hands up to your chest. Then squeeze your hands over his his while they squeeze your breasts. Absolutely divine. 

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

It really depends on his mood. Echo has more of a sarcastic, dry sense of humor. So if he is feeling it he will crack a joke here or there, but not too many. If you two are having sex after a long mission where he thought he wasn't going to make it out(or if he didn't think you were, if you travel with tbb.) Then he's normally more serious and sappy while he fucks you slowly into the night. Reminding himself that he has you and you have him, still. 

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Echo is pretty well groomed. He doesn't like a mess, and plus it's too itchy for him when it gets too long. So he always keeps it trimmed down. Never shaved, since for one, he doesn't like the feel of it growing back. Then two he just doesn't like himself with no hair down there. 

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Echo is normally pretty romantic especially when it comes to sex. He doesn't fuck to fuck, he fucks for love. He normally only sleeps with people he has an absolute attraction to. Someone that he knows won't hurt him. Or at least believes they won't. So he normally does his best to keep the moment romantic and perfect for the two of you. 

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Echo normally doesn't jack off too much. He usually waits to come home to you so the two of you can actually help each other feel good. Rather than a hand and his imagination. Though, if he does get a nasty picture of you? He won't hesitate to use it if the mission lasts longer than usual or he's extra stressed out from his crew mates. 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Praise Kink: this boy will absolutely love you all night long, the more you praise him. Even simple things like "that feels so good," "you're so amazing," and stuff like that will push him further to make you feel absolutely angelic.

Not sure if this is a kink or what you'd call it, but man would die if you gave him a lap dance. Echo loves taking care of you, but when you take care of him?? He feels like the luckiest guy in the galaxy.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He prefers the comfort of a bed. Where the two of you have time to appreciate everything you give each other. There has been a rare occasion or two where he gets a little handsy at 79s after a few too many drinks and a guy flirting with you. Where you find yourself getting fingered in the corner or fucked in the bathroom. 

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Echo loves it when you wear lingerie. Even if you don't think you look good in it he thinks you're absolutely beautiful no matter what. And if it's blue or white he goes feral. 

If you kiss him in front of someone hitting on him. Or hold his hand when he's being hit on. Show any signs that he is yours and you are his, he's probably going to take you the moment you two have time. 

Another big turn on for him is when you praise him throughout the day. Man can't resist it. Especially when you say it in a dirtier tone and act all innocent when he confronts you. 

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Bondages is a bug no from him. From all the times in the war he's been held in restraints, or he's witnessed his brothers and Generals in restraints he can't stand them. He can't even handle you in them. It triggers something in him that ruins the mood for the both of you. 

He doesn't like the thought of knife or gun play. If you or him are getting hurt in the process he won't do it. He may spank you playfully here or there, but that’s about it. 

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He honestly prefers giving over receiving. He loves it when you're a writhing mess and gripping at him or the sheets for dear life. The taste of you and the sound of your lewd moans has him nearly creaming his pants. Plus he just loves the satisfaction of knowing he can make you come undone like that. 

He isn't against you giving him oral here or there though. Some days he loves it, especially when he's stressed out and you just drop on your knees like some sort of gift from above. 

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Echo prefers a more slow and sensual pace. He loves making it last as long as he can. He is definitely one of those, "this could be out last time. Let's make it last." Type of guys. So expect more love making than fucking. Though there are time where he'll give you a good fuck. Maybe one of the nights where he does try and dom. Though it normally ends with you sitting on his face because he absolutely loves it when you do. If you suffocated him he would die a happy man. 

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He isn't too fond of them, but he isn't against them either. If he is doing a quickie he'd prefer to make sure no one caught you two. He'd probably die of humiliation.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Echo will only experiment if you recommend something new. As long as it isn't really messy/gross, the two of you stay safe through it, and restraints and blind folds aren't a part of it he's all good for it. 

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

After the citadel he lost a majority of his strength in general. Before he could last about 3-4 long rounds. Now he's lucky if he gets 2 in. He normally doesn't last too long either. Though after time he does begin to last longer and you're able to finish with him for the most part. 

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

His hand. As said above he uses his robotic hand for sex quite a bit. He adds on accessories. Anything to make his partner feel absolutely euphoric. 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Echo enjoys teasing here or there on his end, but you can normally work your way around it. One simple please and he's normally doing what you want. You have him wrapped around your finger for the most part. 

He normally despises when you tease him. Mostly because he just hates begging for anything. 

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Echo is a talker and a groaner. He loves muttering sweet nothings in your ear, and will also praise you to the moon. Especially if you praise in return. He grunts and groans to the point the rest of tbb tease him about it til he's flushed red and trying to.make up excuses. 

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He would like to try sharing you. He knows his brothers like you and has thought about sharing you with one or two of them at a time. He would take charge through it, since you are technically with him and not them, but he just thinks it would be exciting and fun. He doesn't know how to ask and is too anxious you would hate the idea to ask, though.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Echo lost a lot of his muscles while in stasis. He is slowly gaining that and his color back though. Along with getting upgrades for his prosthetics. Like an actual hand that Tech built for him. As for his dick, it's average clone size. Longer and thicker than the average person's.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

His isn't really too high. Even once he gets used to the fact that you love him and his body, he doesn't really have that high of a sex drive. He controls himself pretty good and doesn't really even need to jack off much unless he's really stressed. That doesn’t mean he won't initiate sex with you the moment he sees you after a long mission though. 

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He for the most part tries to stay up, playing with your hair until your asleep above/below/beside him. Wherever the two of you decide to cuddle against one another. It's sort of his way of making sure it's all real though. Some nights he is the first to pass out though. 

[sapiowoman28]

I can, I can't: Part 2 of 3

Pairing: Jaemin x female reader

Genre: smut, fluff, friends to lovers au

Warning: smut, flirting, spanking, male dom, female bratty sub

Tags: @nctlover94 @m1ss-foodi3 @heyyyun

The days that followed were hard. It was as if something had taken over Y/N, and she was perpetually horny, not from anything but from her thoughts of Jaemin doing things to her. Lucas was happy to help, but after 3 days of meeting, he was puzzled.

"You're never like this. What happened?" he asked, as they were soaking in the bathtub post sex.

Y/N wasn't sure if she should tell him. It wouldn't be nice.

"I don't know..." she lied. "I wish it'd stop. I need to focus on my assignments."

"About that, I can't meet you any more this week. I have 3 due next week and i haven't started on aything." Lucas looked regretful.

"It's ok, Lucas, we both need to finish our assignments"

She decided she'd focus on her assignments instead, and work on them in the library - where the wifi was pretty good - instead of home so she wouldn't have to face Jaemin. Not until she was sure about what she wanted to do.

So day by day, she left the house early and returned late. The boys texted her as usual, and she replied. But with Jaemin, she was reticent. Instead of her usual teasing, she provided one or two word replies. She was afraid she'd attempt to flirt with him and things would go overboard.

The good part was she made pretty good progress on her assigments. They were her best yet this year, and she was pleased. She was working through the conclusion to one of her papers when she was interrupted.

"Hey!"

She froze, looking up. Jaemin, sitting down on the seat opposite hers.

"Hey Jae." she smiled. "Lost?"

"I study, ok? he threw his hands up. Then proceeded to unzip his laptop bag.

"What are you doing here?" she watched him suspiciously. Neither Jaemin nor Jeno were library people.

"I've an assignment to complete. And I haven't seen you for days. I just wanted to know you were ok. You haven't been very normal."

"Speak for yourself. Any updates on your turbulent sex life?" she grinned, inwardly proud at how she deflected his question.

"I got my ID back. Told him i could report him for assault AND retaining my ID. You should have seen his face." he said proudly.

"Told you you'd be fine standing up to him. He had no right to hit you," she giggled.

"Thanks." he said, reaching across the table to rub her arm affectionately. She flinched. She wished her friends weren't so touchy with one another sometimes.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"I'm not in a mood to be touched." she said awkwardly. "I'm going through a phase."

"Ok. I won't touch you then" he shrugged and started getting to work on his assignment.

Y/N looked at him. He was beautiful, she thought. The lashes. The way he concentrated. Or when he frowned to himself. No wonder he was known as the handsome one.

it was hard to focus with Jaemin sitting opposite her. Her previous momentum was lost. She wished he hadn't come. But she told herself she wasn't going to let her assignment be affected. So she struggled through the conclusion and soon managed to complete her assignment.

"If you give me 15 minutes, we can go for lunch after that." he said, not looking up. She agreed, looking at the surrounding tables. She saw Renjun a few tables away with a girl. Their eyes met. He waved. She raised her eyebrows and he faked an annoyed look before turning back his attention on the girl.

"Someone's getting lucky soon." Y/N commented.

"Who?" Jaemin asked still focussed on his laptop.

"Renjun."

"Oh. It's not going to work. She has a boyfriend."

"They can still fuck."

"Are you aerious?" Jaemin looked up half amused.

"She's not married." she shrugged. "You need to loosen up."

"You have no morals." he declared.

"I'm proud of that." she winked. "Seriously, you need to try living life on the edge a little."

"Getting caught in bed and getting beaten up not wild enough for you?"

"Well, it depends. Were you handcuffed?"

Jaemin gasped. "Censor yourself, Y/N!"

"Or was she? What position were you guys caught in?" she knew she had crossed a line but somehow couldn't stop herself.

"Y/N!"

"Yes, Mr Na?"

Jaemin brought his face close to hers.

"I said stop it." he said, voice low and gravelly. Y/N felt herself pool.

"What if i don't?" she challenged him, looking him straight in the eye.

"I suggest you don't challenge me." he said through gritted teeth.

"I'll think about it." She said. folding her ams in front of her, eyes twinkling.

"Yo! What's Jaemin doing here?" Haechan asked as he plonked down on the chair next to hers.

Jaemin leaned back and relaxed, breaking into a smile.

"Y/N thinks I'm lost."

"You ARE lost." Y/N laughed, looking at Jaemin who was still keeping his composure. "Someone needs to guide you back onto the right path."

"I don't know. Being guided isn't my kind of thing. I prefer to be the one guiding."

"Now I'm lost!" Haechan whined. "What's happening?"

Y/N sighed.

"Let's go for lunch." she said.

Things got worse from there. Jaemin began avoiding her, staying cooped up in his room as much as he could, spending time either doing his assignments or gaming. Y/N was upset, though she wasn't sure if she was upset with herself or with him.

All she knew was things were awkward now. She tried texting him but he either didn't reply or replied with one word answers. She had to do something. There wasn't much opportunity though, since there never seemed a time where they were both home alone. And the last thing she wanted was for the rest of the guys to get involved.

Then one night two weeks later, all the boys decided to head out to the clubs to party to celebrate the submission of all their assignments. Y/N gave it a pass. She wasn't one for clubs - the loud music and the lights and the smells always gave her a headache. She had previously tried of course, but it mostly turned out unpleasant for her - the same throbbing headache that progressively got worse over the course of the night and made her feel sick.

So the guys headed out and she decided to soak in the bathtub in the bigger bathroom. She dropped her favourite vanilla scented bath bomb into the warm water, and got it after removing her clothes and giving the water a few swishes. This was the life, she thought. Who wanted to be stuck in some club against sweaty bodies and wake up with a hangover the next day?

After her bath, she took time to put on a mask and applied lotion to her body. She was glad all her assignments had been submitted, and this was a good time to pamper herself after all the hard work.

When she was done, she put on an oversized t-shirt that came down to her mid thigh and wore her favourite red cotton underwear. Feeling upbeat, she headed to the kitchen to make some pasta. It was just 9pm when the front door opened. She looked up from the ham she was slicing.

Jaemin. She forgot he had not gone with them. In fact, he had been out most of the day, probably at the cafe he worked at on some weekends.

"Need dinner?" she asked, somewhat unsure if he would respond. "I'm making some pasta."

"Dinner would be good," he nodded with a slight smile. "I can open a bottle of wine after i have my shower." He knew he just had to stop behaving like a dick now.

She grinned. "Yes please!"

He went and took a quick shower before coming back, smelling fresh.

"The bathroom smells nice." he said, sniffing. "Actually you smell nice too."

"Jaemin! At least say the food I'm making smells nice!" Y/N poked his arm. He embraced her from the back.

"I missed you." he said.

She felt his chest against her back.

"Missed you too. Why were you avoiding me?" she asked.

"Why were YOU avoiding me?" he asked her back.

Neither of them said anything.

She took the pan off the stove and divided the pasta into two bowls. Jaemin opened the wine and they both sat at the dining table for dinner. The air was tense as they ate silently.

"Jae," she said, not being able to take the silence any longer. "I know i shouldn't have ignored you. But I've been struggling."

He put his fork down. He tried to grab her hand but she pulled it away nervously.

"I'm listening, Y/N," he said gently.

"I can't stop thinking of yo...."

But she couldn't finish, as he grabbed her face and brought it closer to his. She felt her heart beat faster as he looked her in the eye.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked, looking at her in the eye, his face tensed up, his voice low and trembling. "Do you know what you're doing to me?"

"I know I'm probably not your type...." she began but he cut her off.

"Don't speak for me, Y/N. Everything about you drives me nuts! Your laughter, the way you tease me. Everything! You're such a bad girl, Y/N!"

"I've never said I was good. I don't have morals, remember?" she grinned. "Maybe you'd have to teach me how to behave, Mr Na."

He felt his cock twitch. He grabbed her by the arm.

"What are you doing?" she asked, struggling as he stood up, taking her with him. Roughly, he pushed her against the kitchen cabinet.

"Bend over!" he demanded, grip getting tighter. She had no choice but to comply, yelping as she felt his hand land hard on her butt.

"Ouch! What the hell, Jaemin?"

"You deserve to be spanked for taunting me in the library." he said through gritted teeth, landing another smack. She gasped.

"That hurts!"

"Good! Maybe next time you wouldn't think of being such a tease." he said, giving her yet another smack. "3! We're going to 10!"

"!0?!" she tried to wriggle out of his grip. It was no use.

"4!" he said, landing yet another slap. She bit her lip. It was hurting more and more as the number of spanks progressed. But she didn't dislike it.

"5!" she felt her eyes watering. This was getting too painful.

"6!"

"Jae, please, it hurts!"

"Say one more word and I'll make it 20!" he warned.

She gave up, whimpering as he gave her another 4 blows, tears rolling down her face. Finally he let her go. She turned around and shoved him.

"Do that one more time and watch what i'll do!" she warned. He grabbed her by the back of her neck, forcing her to look closely at him again.

"You need to get one thing right," he hissed, as he wiped her tears away with his fingers. "I'm the one in charge here."

"Oh yeah?" she challenged him. "We'll see about that."

"Listen, you're not in a position to argue with me. Do you want me to fuck you or not?" he asked. "Yes or no?"

Silence. She glared at him.

"Answer me." he said, glaring back.

"Fine." she said. "We'll play by your rules."

He let go, suddenly going back to his usual self. "The food's getting cold. Let's eat."

"No, Jae...." she pleaded. "Fuck me, now, please!"

"I'm not fucking you tonight, Y/N."

"Nobody's home now!"

"I'll decide and let you know when I'm ready," he said firmly.

She reaiised that she had to be fair and wait for him to be ready. She sighed.

"Fine." she said.

If only he knew how wet she was, from the spanking he gave her, she thought to herself.

[sprinklesandshatters]

A Review on NCT 127′s 3rd Album <Sticker>

So NCT 127 just came back with their 3rd Full Album <Sticker> and this is my first 127 comeback since I became a fan last year! Neozone is such a special album for me as it was their first album that I explored entirely. I've known NCT as the group who never fails any expectations so I've kept mine up although I know they'll exceed it anyway. And guess what, they did! I absolutely love their new album hence this review~

This isn't a technical music review—as I am not a musician myself—but rather a listener's honest takes, goofy notes, and interpretation on each of the tracks in the album. I admit I've also struggled to build my own opinions on some of the tracks until I listened to them over and over again.

I have also heard there are mixed opinions on the title track <Sticker> and a lot says it's another acquired taste. But I think it's not just that, as it can be a grower, just like how most of NCT's songs were for me. Maybe after a few listens and a right passage of time, it will grow on those people. The bottom line here is, I like it a lot! 😛

So I listed down the songs according to their respective track numbers and followed each with a bulleted list of my opinions and interpretations.

(Viewer/reader discretion: before you continue, minors, do not interact as there are few 18+ contents under the cut. Thank you.)

1. Sticker

THEY DIDN'T JUST PUNCH A NEW NOTCH ON THE BELT LIKE THAT

THIS SONG SLAPS, LITERALLY SLAPS… AND WHIPS 

The recorder at the intro boyyyy I thought something was wrong but then I remember it’s NCT lmao

It already stuck in my head from my first listen from the Instagram audio.

With Taeyong opening the verse with his divine rapping, I knew I'm in for a new ride.

STICK-UH STICK-UGH STICK-UGHGHGH

To those complaining it sounding like noise music, imagine it sounding generic. I don't think it would fit as the title track. Not a b-track or in their repertoire, even. They are called NCT because they define the NEO in the music culture and music technology!

It honestly was an unorthodox, just like all of their title tracks, which I’m inherently here for.

Literally, no one does it like them!

The growls and the vocal flexes and adlibs! (You can tell it has Yoo Youngjin's brand.)

The crisp metronome sound that’s consistently ticking except for the pre-chorus and the dance break adds depth to the soundscape. I love how it’s used instead of the usual snaps.

The production quality blew my mind. Like how can someone think those melodies would sound so exquisite? CAN I CALL THEM GENIUS?

The piano at the back, oh my God—Yes! It adds this mystifying element to the song.

I'm not sure if it's a midi violin at the pre-chorus, but it added thrill to the song. It was a great transition from the bass line in the verses to the combination of the flawless harmony with the same instrumental.

"You treat me like a boy, like a grown-up child chasing a dream" JUNGWOO BABY NO MORE HUH

Taeil, Doyoung, and Haechan—the bridge vocal trinity!

But why the heck are they cowboys? I dig the concept, but why? LMAO

BTW GUNSLINGER MARK I’M ON MY KNEES YEEHAW

This is easily one of my favorite tracks from NCT 127's entire discography 💚

2. Lemonade

(⌐■_■)

Jaehyun starting off this song with his deep voice eee

The song opens to a verse oozing with chill confidence. They're like, yeah you're lurking because we’re cool.

This is such a huge slap to their haters. NCT's not chillin' like a villain, nah they're the main characters!

Well maybe they’re villains, but still ya not cooler than them ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Funny enough how they could have just referred haters as simply lemons whose sour/bitter to the taste, but 127 squad's success is sweeter than all the haters' spiteful remarks so yeah, SIPPY SIPPY LEMONADE 🧃

"WOOF"

I might have just barked too wOW

Yuta’s vocals hooooO his voice just sounds so glamorous mhmm

Also Mark referencing their previous title tracks such as: Firetruck, Cherry Bomb, and Regular (it's Irregular in the lyrics) in his rap part 👌💅

I just love Mark's energy when he raps. HE RESOLUTELY BITES AND STRAIGHT UP EATS EVERY TIME HE DOES.

3. Breakfast

Now breakfast time, oh jeez!

AAAHAHFU—

Summer 127's bestie!

If Summer 127 talks about dancing all night long, Breakfast is the morning after.

You know what it is.

"Even if I gulp and drink you, it's not enough for me." oho Taeyong no you ha—STOP

Sexual innuendos aside, isn't it just sweet if someone tells you they'd want to have breakfast with you every day?  Okay maybe I'm melting at the thought 😩🙈💞

And I can see myself dancing to this song as I make breakfast (in the afternoon or at midnight bc I’m crazy)

This was an okay b-track for me at the first skim on the album, but boy it grew on me wildly.

Honestly one of my favorite tracks in this album.

4. Focus

Did I just invade a private call? LMAO

The analog voice filters make it like so.

Dude, this feels intimate in the level of eavesdropping a phone call between seasoned lovers. Then you realize you hear them whispering their kinks over the line and you're ooh, that's sexy! hfgklhfhf

My first listen to this, I almost went feral because,

"I can't wait to eat you…" when it's actually "I can't wait 'til we chill…" aahaha

"Baby call me when you want me." OKAY!

This sounds relaxing and chill. I'd love to play this on a late night drive or just before bed time along with Fly Away With Me, Sun & Moon, My Youth, and Long Flight.

Belongs to ‘make out session’ playlist  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

That was lowkey a playlist recommendation, huh?

I'd be kidding if I don't say I could touch myself while listening to this song AHAHAFGHFJFJ

I didn't know this would grow on me this much lol I love love LOVE THIS!

5. The Rainy Night

Ooh, the holy melancholy!

Piano at the intro—I knew I'd cry to this.

This song isn't just about break-up, but the heartbreak after one.

The yearning; the remnant pieces from the shattering of what was once there.

I think I crumbled from this one.

This hit so hard I felt like I fit in the shoes with the lyrics throughout the entire song.

What’s fascinating is I clearly forgot the title when I mentally said this sounds like a sad rainy day song from the first listen.

Something I’d turn up when it suddenly rains, just because I want to feel the blues.

Taeil and Haechan singing in lower register? I wanna cry :( they’re just one of the best vocalists in K-music industry right now.

Could have been also nice if they added Yuta to the vocals.

"My selfish heart who waits for you to come back," OKAY WHO HURT THEM?

And the fact that they sang it so good that it translated every ounce of the emotions well even before I looked up for English translations is the reason why I love this song too.

6. Far

Hmm… What the hell?! Do I like this? Wait...

Alright!

The jumpy vibe from the first verse to the pre-chorus set the mood for this song. It sounds merry and heavy. It was honestly too much to take until I’ve reached the chorus part.

Honestly, I think this song could fit NCT Dream better, as it gives off a vibe similar to Hello Future's b-tracks. If some credible source say this could have made HF’s track list, I might believe you too fast.

Also Dream’s Deja Vu where they go na nananananana na na na~

Playful yet confident! That’s what I mean!

As usual, the vocals are insane! Vocal flex from left to right!

I swear Jungwoo sounded a bit like Taemin at the second verse that I had to replay it hahaha

I love hearing Johnny as a vocalist! SM, how many signs do you need until you utilize his vocal talent???

Taeil's part where he sings, "go nuts, go nuts, 'til we go bust, go bust" IDEK BUT I SNORTED A LAUGH AT FIRST LISTEN HFCAHKFHK

Not my favorite, but still great though!

But wait it’s actually stuck in my head???

7. Bring The Noize

Yes, they never beat those noise music allegations

HERE'S SOME NOIZE, BITCHES

I love me some noisy percussions. AND THE BASS YO

This screams so much confidence!

The build up from the pre-chorus to the chorus—FIRE!

This song reminds me a lot of SuperM's Super Car, especially with the engine roar samples and the battle cry-like singing at the chorus.

JAEHYUN RAPPING? You mean Jaehyun the visual, the vocalist, the actor, the model, the funny dude, aka my everything?! (markie bb look pls look away for a moment)

THEY DELIVERED IT STRAIGHT FROM NEOCITY THAT'S SOME NCT MUSIC RIGHT THERE NO ONE DOES IT LIKE THEM

When I said I'd play Focus on a late night drive, and if I add this in the playlist, VROOM VROOM SPEED LIMIT WHAT

OUTTA MY WAY

“We got no shame” ouh TAEYONG’S FLOW IS JUST VERY HIM AND HE’S IN A LEAGUE OF HIS OWN

You know what's so clever about this song? It's how it ended with Mark's final rap without any instrumental, leaving you  standing there with a doppler effect-like post experience.

A super car on a super speed just whooshed past you and you look its way as it zips through the road. It's gone in an instant but you're floored dumbfounded at a sidewalk. That's how I describe this song.

8. Magic Carpet Ride

This song… Wow. Oh gosh it's so beautiful.

Their harmony in the chorus—it makes me want to kiss someone so passionately that I'd cry.

This makes me want to feel love that transcends the universe. Literally, just please take me on a magic carpet ride :(

The background harmonies too oh my goodness—HEAVENLY.

Jaehyun's voice is so warm and soulful it fits perfectly with songs of this genre.

Okay alright Doyoung Grande!

And Taeil makes me feel like I'm listening to old school R&B.

The first time I heard this from the track video, I can't stop replaying because it's just that great.

This makes me want to love. I think that sums it up.

9. Road Trip

This is such a soothing song for me, especially how I easily become nostalgic thinking about the road trips I've had.

Whenever I listen to this, my brain immediately conjures up thoughts of my ideal getaways. Gazing at the sky through the car window, stirring up from a nap in the middle of the ride, and   eventually reaching your destination.

Oh, to travel around anywhere... (curse you covid-19)

Okay that's it. I'M PACKING UP.

But where do I go—

I could also imagine Mark playing this on the guitar and the other members sing along together, something like that.

Just Wholesome™ vibes.

I love how it evokes such a nice emotion within me effortlessly.

This isn't my favorite, but I still love this.

10. Dreamer

Eyyyy such a refreshing song!

This song is so bright it makes me want to dance. I play this first in the shower!

It reminds me so much of Elevator (from Neozone)

The horns make it more lively I think!

Yuta and Jungwoo's voice suits lively songs like this.

The background vocal in low register in Taeyong's part in the first verse is so good ahhfhf

Taeil, the R&B vocal king you are...

There's this part where Doyoung and Johnny harmonized, that at first listen they seemed to clash, but it sounded actually fine after a few listens. Maybe it's just that I've never heard them do it before.

And I think it's Doyoung's laugh at the end of the bridge? Oh my goodness I really love this too!

11. Promise You

MY FIRST LOVE AND MOST FAVORITE SONG IN THE ALBUM!!!

The first time I heard this from their NCIT Sharehouse Sitcom, I fell in love with the song already.

It sounds like something you'd feel from a warm, welcoming hug.

The lyrics are so beautiful and endearing. It's definitely a be-there-for-you type of song that will touch your heart.

It definitely sounds like a promise.

A song about platonic intimacy.

This really fits to be the closing song of the album. It's like the end of it but holds a promise that says “see you soon.”

Because they cherish their fans like that.

It's also like I've watched a movie with a happy ending, where the camera pans up to the clear sky and this song starts playing.

Speaking of ending, I would love to hear them sing this as an encore stage in their concert. You know, that moment just before the stage lights die down at the end of the concert where they send final blows of flying kisses to NCTzens. Then you come home smiling and crying.

This wasn't supposed to be this long since I originally planned to write this with just simple phrases and emojis but I got too engrossed lol. I also meant to include my own ratings but I figured it’s pointless since I can’t really decide about them hahaha

I really enjoyed the whole album and I love how they're progressively defining what NEO means by breaking through standards. It's not NCT music if it doesn't make you say "WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?" But then you realize it’s stuck in your head and you’re enjoying it already.

✨ OVERALL RATING: 127/10 💚

if you’ve reached until here, thank you for letting me share you a braincell or two 💞

[keltonwrites]

Where no one knows your name

How many times is a person meant to make new friends? When I moved into an apartment in DC with an absolutely iconic girl from Craigslist, I wrote in my journal, “you never know when you’ll meet your next bridesmaid.” Charmingly juvenile, as I was 24 years old. Ironic, as I never had any bridesmaids. And embarrassing, knowing I wrote something that’s surely been embroidered on a bachelorette party t-shirt by now. My point was: you can meet people you fall in love with anywhere, anytime, assuming your heart (and calendar) are open. Now my heart and calendar are open and I am one of Elizabeth Bennet’s sad sisters, cloying and desperate for attention while everyone at the ball ignores me. Meeting people here is unnerving and hapless and eye-clawingly vulnerable. My first new friend told me she was moving away in a few months. Do you invest deeply in hopes of another faraway friendship? Do you just go back to waving as you pass on the street? I like this girl! What an embarrassing thing to have to say to someone! Do you just invite people to every and anything like a lunatic? I can’t even remember to call the people I am forever-and-ever in cahoots with. I’m also deeply bound by what I’ll call the Movie Trap: say it’s 3pm during not-a-pandemic, and you get the urge to see a movie. You look at the showings, and there’s one you really want to see at 7:15. You think to yourself, “I should make an effort,” and you text a friend. “Hey, you wanna go see This Cool Movie at 7:15 tonight?” No one ever says yes. Don’t give me an example of when someone has, because it’s always one of these answers:

“Oooh, I’m actually seeing it with Kate tomorrow - wanna come?”

“Can we go to the 9pm showing? Stuck at work.”

“Yeah but let’s see Movie You’ll Fucking Hate instead.”

Now maybe I’m just lighting flares guiding you to the worst parts of my personality, but this drives me nuts. No, Liz, I don’t want to go tomorrow. I want to go tonight. At 7:15. So I can be in bed by 10. And you’d have to drag my dead body and prop open my eyes to get me to see something like Marriage Story in theaters. The Movie Trap is a big reason I usually hang out by myself, or I make plans weeks in advance. (Don't I sound like a blast.) Just the idea of being like, “I like you! Wanna hang out in October?” makes me want to collapse into a puddle of sad adulthood. Which is why on Friday at 4:30pm, when a girl I’d met a week prior asked if I wanted to grab a drink, I just said yes. I put on a pretty dress, did my makeup, put stuff in a purse, and drove the 25 minutes to town. It was really fun! And how novel to have new contacts in my phone like “Maggie blue house” and “Jess concert friend” — a throwback to the days of “Greg guy on L train” and “Devon ad party.” The very concept of not knowing someone’s last name or even needing it, and a year from now updating their contact info and smiling at your origin story. But for the most part, no one is in our phones. In terms of phone numbers collected, here is the list:

Two friends we knew prior who thank god you guys exist.

New friend who is moving away.

New friend who is game to drink tequila and ride mountain bikes.

Neighbor-not-yet-friend who I really fucking like and am not sure how to cross hang-out threshold with.

​Not to say there aren’t any other prospects or people I’m platonically gaga over, but I don’t have their phone numbers. There are honestly a lot of people like this because when you live in a small town (and you’re from the Midwest) you say “oop, sorry” to every person/object you bump into, and you say “hi :)” to every person you see. These are the rules. If I drive by you and don’t wave, it’s because I was so deep in a daydream I probably shouldn’t have been driving in the first place. This isn’t acceptable, because in our urgency to tattoo our vaccination status on our foreheads so we can make friends, it turns out just driving by someone can be a viable strategy. A few days ago, a man was driving by our kitchen window and then our driveway, and then he reversed back up to the kitchen window and started waving. Ben went outside — it was that kind of wave. The man had seen from his car a smokejumper emblem on the back of a truck in our driveway. “Hey, are you a smokejumper?” We aren’t. But my dad was, and he was in town visiting, accompanied by the emblem on the back of his truck. The guy said we should drink sometime. Numbers were not exchanged. We’ll call that a node, because it’s not quite a connection. And it’s mainly nodes, waiting to be connected, to have relevance. But first, no matter who you’re trying to befriend, you have to answer everyone else’s Do I Care Quiz. The quiz is employed by 93% of locals to determine how they feel about you existing within their personal 50-mile radius. The first question is non negotiable:

1) Are you visiting?

Variations on this question include “how long are you in town?” or “what brings y’all to town?” or my least favorite and most insulting, “did you just finish Jeeping?” I know I have blonde hair and say y’all, but how dare you. (Also, to be clear, you can own a Jeep, customize your Jeep, mod out your Jeep, and love your Jeep, but you’re not Jeeping until you drive too fast through a tiny town so you can hurl your Jeep over a mountain pass without ever getting out of it.) So the answer to “are you visiting” is “no, I live here.” Which brings us to the next question, my favorite for how loaded the gun, kneeling in the grass, scope on, target locked it is.

2) Are you part-time or full-time?

The first time I answered this question, I didn’t realize it was essentially like asking how someone voted in the 2020 election. The judgment was cocked and ready and the palpable relief/joy/or at the very least, tolerance, exuded by answering “full-time” was like when the sun comes out from behind the clouds on a 40 degree day. I was fine, but wow that does feel better. The third question though does not have a standard hoped-for answer. This is where nodes turn to connections turn to phone numbers.

3) What brings you here?

It seems like the best possible answer would be saying you work in town, and you’re going to begin construction on displaced-worker housing to ensure the people who run this town can actually live in it. We’d have everyone’s phone number. Saying you’re a writer who works remotely and bought a house from a legendary and beloved local who could no longer afford it is really something you keep to yourself. But in the interest of making friends, I just word vomit my entire history. We might as well find out at the onset if I make your eyes roll back into your skull. Not at all threatening that all it takes is a single social signal misinterpreted to be the absolute death knell of my ability to make friends in a town of some 1400 adults. In fact, I’ll share one such interaction. I was hiking with Cooper, about 5 miles by foot away from my house. I was on a trail, crossing a sloped meadow, and a group was traversing up the hillside to the trail. I said hi, where y’all coming from. One girl answered and we talked about the trail. She eyed me up and down. “Did you just move here?” “I did!” “I served your family last week,” she said. “Oh,” that phrasing. “Must have been my in-laws.” “Heard you bought Jack’s house. Such a bummer when locals like that are forced out.” “We didn’t even know about his house,” I said. “We were looking at another house and he asked his realtor if he could get us to come see his house. We just loved it, and him!” She had no emotional reaction to this. “You moved from California?” she asked. (Dangerous question.) “Yeah, got these sea level lungs, haha,” attempting to disarm with humor was a failure, “but couldn’t be happier to be out of California.” “It’s not like this all year. Winter’s really hard here, you’re in for a rude awakening.” “Well California’s the last place I lived, but I’m not from there. I’ve lived in brutal winters. At least Colorado gets sun!” I laugh with cloaked loathing. “It’s different when you live at altitude,” she said, like no human aside from her had ever been literally anywhere. “Are you trying to go around?” She indicated the path behind her. “No, y’all go ahead, just gonna wait to give you your space. I’m sure you’re faster than me.” “K, good luck making it to the lake." Maybe she was thirsty. Maybe she was hungover. Maybe she just has vicious delivery, but it felt like every blade of grass was leaning against the wind to listen. She was with four other people and not one of them said a word. I left that interaction not wanting to see another human ever again. But that interaction, and her intimate knowledge of exactly which house I lived in, made me want to decorate like we lived in a gingerbread house, all candy canes and plum drops, screaming to any passerby that we’re friendly. One of the mayor’s first questions to me was “what are you going to do to the house?” There are rules here about what your house can look like, and I kept emphasizing we bought the house because we loved it, not because we wanted to change everything about it. And now, instead of wanting to decorate the interior, I want to put up shades so we don’t contribute to light pollution, I want to hang a sign by the water spigot saying “grab some if you need” for hikers and mountain bikers, I want to paint a sign for the wild mint by our door that says, “I mint to tell you to take some,” because our neighbors were openly panicked they wouldn’t be able to just grab mint from the cabin’s garden anymore. Without question, COVID makes things harder. Dinner parties feel like dares. Dropping cookies off at someone’s house feels invasive. Grabbing a drink feels like the ultimate sign of trust. But at least we have nodes who can connect who can think to invite us and who can see that despite having lived in California, we’re not all that bad. In the meantime, I’ll be painting signs about water and mint, hoping to garner the benefit of the doubt from the so beautifully, earnestly, and waiting-to-see-if-you’re-worth-it doubtful.

Subscribe to the newsletter at tinyletter.com/keltonwrites — high altitude relocation and renovation in a tiny mountain town.

[billionairesitgirl]

Do you have any tips to help someone who keeps failing? I have been trying for several years now to get started and feeling more and more hopeless every year. I have attended $$$ events, lost weight, moved closer to major cities. Then of course COVID struck and made things worse. Is there something I can do that can help me gain an "in" or are certain things just not meant for some girls.

KEEP TRYING !!!

Yes i screamed it...  but that’s because thats the most important thing in succeeding.

Secondly Congrats on taking the steps and trying..... 

(THIS MIGHT MAKE MAKE YOU NEUROTIC.... If you already are then DO NOT DO THIS)

The following is also important 

1.) Have you asked your self why you keep failing?

Take a pen and paper and spend an entire day by yourself. Think, play things over in your head and Analyze.... This is probably the only time i truly suggested, over analyzing the crap out of your life, decisions, faliures and successes. 

(a) What mistakes, do you keep making? or What mistakes do you think you keep making. 

(b) what makes them mistakes 

(c) Would those actions have worked out better in something else or displayed to someone else 

(d) who and/or what would this action work on

2.) List your obstacles ... Every single one you could think of... 

Make 3 categories

 .....Obstacles you have gone through - What caused it? who caused it? (Regardless of who caused it... You owe some responsibility... so still own up to it... But remember BE KIND to yourself...) 

There is a fine line between being kind to yourself  and completely absolving yourself of any responsibility when owning up to the responsibility of things gone wrong

......Obstacles repeated - How do you NOT repeat this Again?

.......Obstacles Imagined and Obstacles that could still happen (based on different things, character flaws, finances, men’s personalities, race, looks, nature) Get as detailed as needed.  

Man plans and God unplans ... 

However, as humans we have ability to at least create contingencies... try to come up with possible contingency plan and POSSIBLE action on how to still not stand still when one of those obstacles appear... Basically figure out another way to scale through, wiggle through, swim through... whatever way (As long as there is life, health and will... there is a way.... After all people have clawed out of dungeous using only a stick or even their finger nails)

3.)  What have you tried that didnt work? or keeps failing... List it

4.) What ever #3 is that didnt work... What is the alternative that you haven’t tried. 

5.) Clearly you see this as an investment if you have lost weight, moved etc... What is missing in the picture? (I don’t know you, nor have I spent time with you or know your thinking process or views... So this is something even if you dont know what is missing... You have to sit and think... Sleep on it, give it time but remain introspective but be mindful to know when clarity presents itself. 

Being brutally Honest with yourself is the only way to know what is missing and where you are missing. 

Example: I met a gorgeous black girl A few months ago. From the get go, I knew she was hypergamous... The men also knew. But there was something missing and i couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Until we were all talking with the men present. 

She carried herself as a pretty girl, sweet and bubbly... But she made the mistake of trying to emulate the white woman’s countenance... So she could be doted on same as a white woman... I can’t explain this in detail.

But while it is good to emulate things noteworthy in other people... She lost her self and her own personal spark.  As a black woman... She avoided the pitfalls of a stereotypical black woman (quote on quote)... in the process, she mistakenly lost her goddess quality and blended in with the rest.  The men moved on from her. 

My Point is: WHAT IS MISSING... Are your run of the Mill? What is your core

6.) Standard - 

Do you have set standards? expectations of yourself and of the Men and of your surroundings?

Do you keep it? Do you up hold it or do you switch or lower it under pressure? 

Not to give too much information... I refused to live in the poor neighborhood when i moved off college campus. I lived in a condo and lived Smack in the center of the wealthy part of the city. I was not in this lifestyle then... But it was simply my standards... And even though it meant staying on campus longer till i got it... I did that.

Example 2: I have friends who do not care what hole they enter to get entertained (granted you can meet people anywhere)... But I am not the type that goes out very often... So why will i waste my few outings in some frat boys bar or club. So I go to high end places.

Example 3: I met a man who recently sold his company with upwards of $80 Million... I wasn’t told... I was aware of the process and listened to him through the proceess complain about delay in the closing and trying to avoid tax etc

He was deperate to meet me in person. As a matter of fact the day he closed. He flew me to his city (I went cause i was bored).  Long story Short... He is the type of man that got lucky... There isn’t much in terms of comparison... Thinks he knows everything, thinks himself black people’s savior and makes comments such as “If there were black women like you”...  Has some racists views he doesn’t think is racists... I met his friends... I liked one (But he just recently got remarried and was the smartest of the bunch). They had pissing games who had thr most rolex collection etc... He was crazy about me... Still is even without so much as a kiss and i spent a weekend there. (Had my own hotel room)

But, I knew while the money was there, he was generous and was crazy about me... It would drive me nuts being with him and interacting with his friends... My standard here is that I won’t deal with any man who so much as stresses me mentally especially as I am a black woman... I won’t take nonsense.

My Point is : What do you compromise on that you do? It is a long road being steadfast to your standard... But it has been worth it for me.

Do not use anyone’s standard... Create your own and work on keeping it... Men will despise you for it... But respect you all the same.... It is a weird placed to be.

7.) What type of events do you attend. When you attend events, go out etc... What do you do? How do you approach these events? Do you wing it? Do you plan it?  Are you fearless and confident or shy or just pleasant enough to exchange pleasantries alone? What vibe do you give off? 

How do you dress? Different styles can come across different ways... Some ooze Sexy, some ooze elegance with a hint of sexy, some basic, some regular, some say just another event person

8.) Closer to Major cities : what part of that do you live? Even if you are not in the center of things... Where do you go when you go out? How often to do go to wealthy areas, who do you interact with there? 

There is a plethora of questions who have to ask yourself.

With Covid I have met people (but then, I work for myself and have more freedom to move around and also take mini vacation in other cities) And I already have a network... So, I have a  leg up -  

But, I know girls here and people are also still meeting people.

What is stopping you? What avenues and methods have you tried? Have you thought outside the box? 

Hopeless? No... Wrong direction... As you fail you learn things that dont work so that should make you hopeful. 

Also, I am a big beliver in manifestation and law of attraction. Feeling hopless will only make things more hopless...It will attract more faliure...

Find ways to think more positively, ways to turn negative things into potentially positive things... In this case you do not have to be rational... Imagine everything negative happening has a positive... 

e.g  : A man cancelled on you = It wasn’t meant to be... It might have turned into a terrible situation for you... Thank God or the universe for saving you from whatever it is you arent aware of. 

eg : Covid happening : Time to make more money, invest. Brush yourself up, level up some more, learn new ways to meet this men and become more resilient so you come out fire when, the world isnt tupsy turvy

e.g : Getting older: Perfect, the more sure and certain you become in yourself, the more you actually find out what makes you stand apart, the more you find out who you are and realize that whatever amount a man was going to give you last year, you’ve outgrown it with age, maturity, acheivements etc.

You get the gist.... NEVER FEEL HOPELESS

You can feel sad... But not hopeless... Dust yourself up and try again...

Maybe one day i will take time out to share some of my own short comings and faliures... Cause i think we share the successes much more;  that people think there aren’t mistakes and faliures and short comings... I have had them, and I continue to work and fix them. 

The only thing is after my introspection... and brow beating myself and figuring it out...i don’t like to dwell on the faliures... I put my self to work updating myself. Besides I think sharing more good news brings more good news and vibes... But, there isn’t anyone that can claim to not have had obstacles and faliures.

Finally: My sister beleives everyone has a destiny... But everyone is also capable of changing theirs... 

With regards to your question...  About certain type of girls ...

The Answer is NO...

Some people might find it harder, or lack the resources and know how

But trying, pushing ones self, acquiring knowlegde and doing whatever it takes (of course within reason and comfines of morality ) Is what makes the difference.

As i write... I know women who took their entire savings to go to ST Barts for New Year...  (Would I? NO) But some would... My point is. 

You will go as far as you are capable of seeing yourself go.

So if you want a change in your pattern... You have to break the wheel... Try something new you haven’t tried yet... And a new approach. 

Question for you: “Gain an in?” Into what circle do you want an in? What type of man

#hypergamy, #datingtips #sugardatingtips #sugardatingadvice #levelup #levelupadvice #sugardatingtip #sugardating

[soundofseventeen]

Washi Tape (Jeon Wonwoo)

HELLO! So I know I went on a... mild hiatus again but this month has been a rough one for me and I kind of just... forgot about these and writing for a while. So I’m sorry about that. ANYWAY. We are now onto the next request! I hope you all like it! 💛

Requested by anon

(A/N: This story is in the same universe as this Jun post)

36 -  “How did you get in here?”

“Y/N.” Wonwoo sighed, blinking at you slowly. “Just pick one.” 

“But I can’t!!” You said, picking up another roll of tape. “They’re all so pretty! I can’t pick just one!” You pouted, looking between the two rolls you had in your hands, then glancing to the other rolls along the wall. 

“Then get more than one! They have a sale, if you buy 3 you get a fourth one.” He pointed to the sign, you turning your pout to him. Man, he hated when you did that. 

“You know I don’t have enough money to do that AND to buy lunch AND to get my brother’s birthday gift.” You said, looking back at the tape. 

“Then I’ll buy you lunch!” He said, you immediately shaking your head. 

“No, you have bought lunch for me the last 2 weekends. I am paying for my own food this time.” You said, looking between the two in your hand again. One had pandas on it and the other was a water color space one. You couldn’t pick. 

“Then I’ll buy you the tapes. We’ve been in this store for a half hour, I will buy the tapes if it gets us out of here.” He chuckled, giving you a smile. 

“I can’t have you do that.” Wonwoo just rolled his eyes, taking the tapes out of your hand. “Wonwoo!” 

“Either pick two more tapes or get out.” He said, raising an eyebrow at you. 

“Get out?” You looked at him, trying to grab the tapes again. Unfortunately, Wonwoo’s reach was just outside of yours. 

“Okay, go wait in the hall. I’m picking the other two. Go on, get out.” 

“But Wonwoo-”

“Get out or I’m getting those highlighters you want too.” You widened your eyes, knowing how much those cost. 

“Fine, but you better pick good ones.” You pointed at him, Wonwoo chuckling. 

“I’ll pick out special ones, go wait in the hall.” He said, pushing you towards the door. You stuck your tongue out at him, which he returned. You quickly turned around before you cheeks heated up too much from Wonwoo’s smile. 

You found a bench outside the store, sitting on it and tapping your foot. You stared at the door, waiting for him to come out. What was taking him so long? You just figured he’d pick two other random ones and then come right out. You knew he was probably only in there for a couple minutes, but waiting for him felt like forever. You even realized you had been staring at the door when you jumped as your phone buzzed, pulling it out. You have expected it to be him, but you sighed as it was Jun. 

“What’s up?” You asked, answering the phone. 

“3 questions, each dependent on the last.” 

“Okay, what’s number one?” 

“You still at the mall with Wonwoo?” He asked, you hearing commotion on the other side. 

“Yeah?” 

“Have you told him you loved him yet?” He asked, you could picture the grin on his face. 

“I’m going to hang up.” 

“No no!” Jun whined, you rolling your eyes. “Come on, you two drive everyone nuts. Just tell the idiot you’re in love with him so we can at least publicly be disgusted by you two.” 

“I’m seriously going to hang up on you now.” 

“Can I ask the last question?” You thought about it for a second, sighing. 

“Sure, what is it?” 

“Can you pick me up some cat toys?” 

“...Why do you need-”

“NO REASON I JUST NEED CAT TOYS.” 

“Jun did you get a cat?” 

“...No.” 

“But you need-”

“Look, I’ll pay you back when you drop them off, bring Wonwoo and tell him you love him. Bye.” Jun said, hanging up the phone but not quite before you heard a crash and Jun yelling something. You put your phone down, blinking at it, mildly amused as you saw the message come in that Jun had sent you money. 

You looked up only to jump again as Wonwoo held a bag in front of your face. 

“You ready?” He asked as you stood up, still holding the bag out to you. 

“I guess so. What did you pick out?” You asked, starting to take the bag but Wonwoo pulling it away. 

“You can’t look until you get home.” 

“What? Why not?” 

“Because it’s a surprise!” 

“But-”

“You can’t look until you get home.” He repeated, you sighing as you held out your hand. 

“Fine, I won’t look until I get home.” You said, Wonwoo nodding and placing the bag in your hand. “You really didn’t have to do that.”

“I think I did. We would still be in there.” He grinned, you grinning back. “Now come on! I’m hungry and we have to get your brother’s gift. Then we can go home and watch movies!” He said, grabbing your wrist and pulling you down the hall. 

“Oh! We have to stop at Jun’s first.” 

“Why?” Wonwoo looked at you as you caught up to his pace. 

“To drop off cat toys.” 

“...What cat toys?” 

“Oh yeah, we have to buy cat toys.” 

“Did Jun get a cat?” He asked, and you had to admit the mild excitement he had about the potential of Jun having a cat was actually adorable. 

“Well, he said no, so definitely yeah.” You laughed, Wonwoo nodding. 

“Okay, so food, birthday gift, cat toys, Jun’s to see the cat he definitely doesn’t have, then back to your place to watch movies.” He listed, you nodding. 

“Sounds like a plan.” You smiled, your heart thumping at how much today sounded like a day people in a domestic relationship had. Of course, you weren’t in a domestic relationship and he was just helping you out, but still. 

Once you got to the food court, you spent a few minutes debating where to get food from. You both eventually decided on a place, and saw that the line was rather long. Wonwoo also pointed out that the food court looked very busy, so he went to go get the food (you gave him some cash for yours, of course) and you went to find a table. You lucked out and managed to get one that some people had just left, so you texted Wonwoo around where you were and sat down, waiting for him to come back. 

You found yourself staring at the bag from the stationary store. Why didn’t Wonwoo want you to look at the tapes until you got home? Maybe you could take a peek… See which ones he picked for you? 

No, you were going to be strong. You were going to wait. Wonwoo would be back in a bit anyway. 

Then your eyes landed on Wonwoo in line, he did still have a lot of people ahead of him. He was going to be there for a while. You looked back at the bag, then glanced back at Wonwoo. You let out a huff and crossed your arms, which lasted about 4 seconds before you reached out and grabbed the bag. You opened it up, tilting your head. 

You saw the two washi tapes you were debating in the shop, the pandas and the little galaxies sparkling up at you. Then you saw the other two, one with little sunflowers on it, and the other with little varying hearts on it. Your heart picked up a bit at what that meant, but you quickly shook your head. Wonwoo probably just thought that it was pretty and you would like it. You nodded, closing the bag and putting the bag back on the table. 

You sat there for a second before you processed that you saw something else in the bag. You looked back at Wonwoo before grabbing the bag again, confirming that he wasn’t coming back yet. You opened the bag and looked in again, pulling out a small notepad. 

“Hello, how did you get in here?” You smiled at the notepad, seeing the pastel colors and the little cute bunny on the bottom corner. It made you giggle a little bit as you flipped through it. You were again about to put it back when your brain processed something else. You flipped through the pad again until you got to the third page, seeing writing on it. 

‘Hey. I like you. Do you want to go out with me next Friday? Wonwoo. PS, Yes, I had to buy the pad to do this. They would let me use a pen but not a piece of paper.’ 

You felt your face heat up, glancing at Wonwoo again, who was looking at something at his phone, but now a couple people closer. You put the notepad back and put the bag back on the table, crossing your arms and trying to keep the smile off your face. You weren’t sure how long you sat like that, but you jumped as a tray of food was placed in front of you. 

“Hey.” Wonwoo said, sitting now next to you, giving you a mildly amused expression. You looked at him, giving him a small smile. 

“Hi.” You grinned, Wonwoo still looking at you confused, but humored. 

“You okay?” He asked, chuckling a little bit. You nodded, starting to pick at your food. 

“Yep. I’m great.”

[january31st]

Ablaze: Chapter 7

Cruella (2021) x reader

A/N: To the anon from the original request, no idea where this story went. This has gotten turned on it’s head but I’ve enjoyed writing every bit of it! Yes you might have realised we’re nearing the end here, there’s this one, then the next I’m still not sure weather to make it an epilog or just a normal last chapter, tying the last loose ends. (Also, if anyone has some divine insight on a part two for this I am open to it! Yes this is my child I love writing this timeline)

I’m kinda scared about this, endings are always the hardest part for me, that might have been why it’s taken forever (thousand apologies for that). If you hate the way this ends you can just hush because I might start hating it too, at least you got an ending, that would be the first in my writing.

And in other news, I have very much not forgotten the other requests my comrades, they’ll be coming straight up after this is done, as well as a new idea (!!!! those come once in a blue moon) I had that I’m super super excited for! I might publish that as one single part, I still don’t know but it’ll be longer than my long chapters.

But if any of you reading also read my AHS stuff, I’m sorry but I’ve lost some of the inspiration for it as of now, those might be dormant for a bit, it’s just that I don’t find the plot as interesting or well mapped out enough to write it over these Cruella ones.

Anyways, sorry for the long ass speech, please enjoy!

Warnings: hospital setting? but other than that nothing I can think of, if there’s anything I should add here please do tell

|| Masterlist || Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3 || Chapter 4 || Chapter 5 || Chapter 6 || Chapter 8 || Wattpad link ||

~3000 words

Cruella had gone home for the first time without saying anything substantial to you.

The doctors said you would be kept in the hospital for extra tests, and also to monitor how your condition would progress. As soon as he got the notice that you had woken up, Artie flew to the hospital to see you and gave you a hug so tight that it made you squeal in pain.

“Oh love you can’t believe how happy I am that you’re awake! It’s been awful, you know you’re everything to me, life just isn’t the same when I know you’re not around.” he said, happy tears sprinkling his face.

“I know sweetheart” you cooed “I know, I hate to do this to you, I can only imagine how bad it’s sucked for you. You must have been thinking about your mum, I know Artie, I’m sorry and I know how you feel about hospitals”

“It’s okay babe, you’re back, no more of that. When you’re back on your feet we’re going travelling.” You tried to protest but he interrupted you “No- I don’t care. We’re doing it again. I miss being on the move with you. Those long drives when we didn’t have a destination? Late nights in the middle of nowhere under the stars? All those constellations you tried to teach me?” He laughed with tears still in his eyes “I can’t remember a single one, but I promise love, I promise I’ll learn them for you. You’ll be such a proud momma”

You smiled at him, your very own tears wanting to mirror his, but you tried to think of something else to stop them before they could. And of course that something else had to be Cruella, which wasn’t particularly helpful to your cause.

“What was up with her?” you asked after a bit, and he looked at you in confusion, also being woken from his thoughts. “Cruella”

“What do you mean?”

“She was here when I woke up. And I know she was there when it happened but why would she stick around?”

“Well babe you might know the answer to that already.” he said with a lift of his brows “She’s nuts for you. She barely stepped foot outside your room. She didn’t even eat for the first couple of days, she just slept on the chair here”

You didn’t plan on telling him about the kiss anyways, there was no need to feed this idea, especially not now that he was taking things that way. It couldn’t have meant that much. She was just relieved that you had woken up, nothing else. She hates you, the only reason why she did that was because your death wouldn’t be on her hands.

...But you were also a bit of an ass to her. Looking back, there was no need for you to act like that. And you couldn’t erase from your mind the face she had when she left. Though the world could never believe it to be possible, you might have managed to hurt Cruella De Vil.

You made a grimace “Oh.. So I was a jerk to her when I woke up”

“What did you say?”

“Well, I joked for a bit and then I asked why she was here. I insisted on that for a bit, because, well- Before I left for the warehouse we kinda had an argument. You know how I am, I just need to move on with my life when things get complicated, and I can’t understand what’s happening between us, because I do things that later on I can’t justify doing. And she said she owed me because I saved her, and you know I can’t stand that idea of a pay-back, be it in that ‘I owe you’ or just straight up revenge. And I want to move on but she won’t let me.”

He looked at you thoughtfully, and after a pause he said “So babe, here’s the thing. And I know, I know that’s how you are and how you have always been, and in other situations I never had anything against it because I trust your judgement of things, and the last thing I want is you getting hurt, but in this case I think you’re rushing away. I know she’s scary, anything involving her is complicated and takes a certain level of… getting used to? I’m not saying you should ignore your gut if you don’t like her at all, but I also don’t think that’s the case. Maybe try to hear her out, she’s got more to her than her brand suggests, she’s nothing like the Baroness was.”

“But it’s not like I didn’t try. Or- Well, she said something while I was out, but then I tried to make her say it and she just left, she looked really upset.”

“Babe, you and I both know what she must have said then”

“Nah….”you looked at him for a long second, shook your head in answer, knowing exactly what he was implying “Artie, that's just you acting like a cupid.”

“But then how would you justify the fact that she stayed? You know her, she’s all business first, she always has stuff to do.”

The guilt that had been building up was at its peak now, you didn’t want to believe it, you wanted to forget her since that damned morning at the shop, but it was impossible, she always came back.

Artie grabbed your hand and said “You might not want to hear this but we’re not supposed to run forever. Somewhere in our destiny there’s someone who’s impossible to avoid. And that might also be when you’ll realise that there are still safe places, and it’s okay to be tired of letting people get out of your life. The cycle seems endless but cycles do break”

You tried to swallow around your tears but they just fell instead “I’m not sure they do Artie”

“Oh, close the shades, of course they do!”

Artie tried to lift your spirits for a while but was mostly unsuccessful, you couldn’t stop feeling bad for not saying anything else to her and you also didn’t want to believe anything that didn’t come directly from her. Artie always had the habit of insisting that everyone fancied you anyways.

And then to really help with your mood, the doctor came in and told you about your last tests, how things weren’t looking too nice, there wasn’t much they could do to help you, it was all a matter of you being strong enough to recover. To help with the pain there was only really the morphine, which after the last dose had left you particularly drowsy and very susceptible to crying. There was a lot of falling asleep with weird dreams, to waking up paranoid about anything and everything for what would be the rest of the day.

“Artie I’m scared.” you said, the room dark around you. That and your drugged-up state made it so you didn’t notice that Cruella was standing by the door, waiting for the right moment to come in.

“Sweetheart I’ve known you for most of our lives, in that time you’ve never been afraid of anything for a single second. I know this is scary too but you’ve walked into a fire just a couple days ago, for heaven’s sake!”

“Yeah but I could walk out, running away was always an option. Actually, running away was the only option. Right now I can’t run anywhere. The road stopped Artie.”

“Nonsense, you’ll make it out like you always do.”

“How can I do that when I’m tied down here? I can’t do anything to get better, and neither can you, even the docs can’t”

“Hey listen, you may not be able to consciously fight it, but if you believed you could, it would be easier. Being in this wretched mood forever isn’t going to help. And you’re higher than a bat’s ass, you’ll be fine babe.”

“I’m tired of this. Nothing makes sense, I do everything wrong. I’m like, the biggest asshole ever! Like I can’t just fucking do the right thing, like, if the queen saw me she’d use that sword for the lords and chop my feet off.” He laughed at you, and you protested and cried some more.

He looked at the door and spotted her, and with that he made up an excuse to leave the two of you alone. “You need to rest sweetheart, and so do I. I’m going back home but I promise I’ll be back first thing in the morning okay?”

“Mkay, and bring me a bag of those crispies I like?” you asked.

“Of course babes” he said with a kiss to your forehead.

And then when he left she got back in, clearly in a better mood, she had put on her makeup again and chose a stunning outfit as always, and though you couldn’t know it, she did it only to try and gain some control back over herself. You smiled at her, you couldn’t help it, you were in awe.

Even though you wanted to move on from her, there was that part of you that wouldn’t let you. And it hadn't really happened before, usually it was easy to accept and move on, but she had a chokehold on you. Not only that, but this was also different from the other times because you had made the conscious choice of going after her, whatever your motive was. You were drawn to her like a magnet, and right now the distance you were trying to put between the two of you hurt so much more, and was so much harder to keep than letting her win you over.

“Hello darling”

“Hi” you answered through your smile.

She stood by the foot of your bed, keeping her distance and her ground, gathering the last bits of courage she needed to say what she wanted to say. But you didn’t know that, to you she just looked as imposing as ever.

“I’m sorry” you said before she got the chance to speak first. She lifted her eyebrows at you. “For what I said. I didn’t realise you stayed here the whole time. I was a total bug, like, not ace at all, insolent city. So uncivilised.” She chuckled at you and your drowsy state. “No! I mean it, don’t laugh, I wasn’t being funny this time! I shouldn’t have said all that”

Those terrible, nightmarish days, those days that melted and mixed onto each other, where she couldn’t tell apart her life before or after you got shot, nor the difference between an hour or the next, they only made sense when she stepped back into Hell Hall. In her hands the shards of both the timeline of events and her spirit.

With each of the steps she climbed, she took a piece and studied it, trying to make sense of things - of herself. When she reached her opulent bedroom she weaved each string of thought together to form a tapestry that could be held together, something that would resemble the ones surrounding her. Because in painting the image maybe she could also put herself together, make a plan.

And when she did, she walked back into the hospital determined to make a point, just to get to it and be done, whatever the outcome was. She would be objective and concise, no nonsense, so her life could continue.

But in her mind there could be no sight that would soften her heart more than the one before her. She expected to fight, to have an argument, to get frustrated, and for those she was ready. But you had nothing to offer to her other than your sweet apologies, and ones you shouldn’t have to make at all, you had just woken up from a damned coma. So she gave up on her plan, sat down next to you, grabbed your hand.

“I know darling, I’m laughing at the way you said it. They have you on quite some drugs huh?”

“Nah, I’m sound as a pound, feeling mint!”

She bit her lip in thought “Listen darling, these days were really scary. And I didn’t know… I didn't think I could feel like this because of someone. But after all that’s happened between us, maybe, I mean-” You gave her hand an encouraging squeeze as she exhaled deeply.

“You said that when you saved me from the fire you got us even, that I didn’t have to be around you anymore, and… Darling I don’t hate you. I never have, I don’t think I can. It’s just that- The waiting, not knowing if you’d make it, I realised my life just can’t go back to what it was before you came along.”

She broke eye contact and half laughed “And everything is ashes now, and everyone is waiting for me to put it all back into place, but how would I do that? What kind of miserable empire would I create if you took all the colour with you?”

“So what I mean darling, is that from now on I want you by my side. Always. And if what you want is distance, then we have to erase all of what happened, and you’ll have to promise me to never refer to me again. If I let you go I can’t have these memories haunting me.”

“I guess you’re never getting rid of me then” you answered, chuckling through your own drowsy tears. “I don’t think I can fight fate. If I couldn’t run from you before I don’t see the point in doing it now.”

She laughed in relief, looking down at your laced hands, placed in a way so hers wouldn’t shake so much. “I hope you’re not just saying that because you’re high. I can’t have you making a promise like that now and then giving up”

“I mean, I’m not that affected! I’m just sleepy, for real! Like… I’m being serious too. It’s really confusing but this feels different. You might not want to believe me because of my whole… people thing, but it feels impossible to run from you.”

“And I mean, it’s not just that I can’t run, that’s not it.” you went on “I don’t think I want to do that, I like you around. The times we didn’t spend fighting were actually some of the loveliest I can think of in recent times. And, I mean, I’m willing to forget about those bad things that happened if there’s better stuff to come. That morning in the shop was… it sucked, it fucking sucked dude, I don’t want that to happen again. I like having an argument with you, like, a normal conversation, exposing points of view, but I don’t think I have the energy for fighting anymore. I need to chill the fuck out a bit.”

“I agree darling. It’s hard for me to not get caught up in- well, trouble, but you live in such a beautiful way. I mean that you just seem to appreciate things so much. And I want to learn that from you.”

“And about that morning, I am so, so sorry for that darling, I wasn’t thinking straight, and you were right, I was afraid of being upstaged because it has taken everything in me to get to where I am. But I shouldn’t have done things like that.” she gave you a side smile before adding “And also, I had no idea how to bring this up. I was afraid of making things worse, but I also have to apologise because of your interview. I have to say though, it was going to be dangerous for you if you had gone and signed a contract with them. I searched up all I could to see who they were, and I’ll admit it, at first I just wanted you to work for me and nothing else, but I did find out that they had a history of using people, so then it seemed logical to do that. I probably should have just told you what I knew but I had already overstepped. I’m so, so sorry darling, but you are just too talented to accept anything but the best agencies working for you. And I promise you I’ll make sure that’s what you get.”

“You? I… you could have said that before.. I’m not saying you should have done it but I see how you thought that.” There was a bit of silence in which you studied her with tired eyes.

“I don’t know where your name comes from but cruel is just so far from who you are. I don’t mean to be rude, but it’s just a persona, you try to be so strong and put up this big bad image in the press, and I don’t think that’s who you are. It works, and for your sake I’m glad it does but does it work for you? You can take a break from being the best designer in the country sometimes.”

“Darling that’s… that’s a bit more complicated than it seems”

“Doesn’t seem complicated at all to me! And you should chill a bit. You deserve to, I know you’re tired. And for what that’s worth, you don’t have to be that around me. I love it, I do, you are so inspiring, and I wish I had half the strength you do, but you can be you. The real you. I know there’s someone in there who is sweeter than you want us to see”

She stared at you in slight surprise for a bit. “You read people a little too well.”

“What can I say, a mother has to know her kids before giving them what they need” you answered with a cheeky smile. “But though I get a feeling about people I’m still not a witch yet, I would love to know who you really are. So, tell me your story, Cruella De Vil.”

|| Masterlist || Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3 || Chapter 4 || Chapter 5 || Chapter 6 || Chapter 8 || Wattpad link ||

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