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i finally watched the Wicked and well

THESE TWO ARE JUST LIKE ROMY. LIKE, I'M SORRY, I'M HYPERFIXATED I KNOW BUT LOOK AT THEM

i need "I'm not that girl" with Gambit and Rogue SO MUCH you don't even understand

(and the HAIR SWIRL) (jesus Jonathan Bailey) (you swept me off my feet back in Bridgerton NO NEED TO DO IT HERE)

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small SMALL spoiler for XIII because I just can't keep it inside guys

“Thousands,” he breathed out quietly. “And I bear them with me every second… All of our brothers and sisters, all those who perished… I should’ve been one of them…”

YOU KNOW WHO ELSE BEARS THOSE WHO DIED EVERY SECOND YOU KNOW WHO SHOULD'VE BEEN ONE OF THEM

btw, your bets, whose line is this, who says it

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Romy on the brain!!!!!

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as I'm struggling with the latest chapter (i love it but it kills me) I've been going through pinterest and was kindly led to this beautiful creator: “ElenaA's Windswept Oc Maker“

of course, I made my boy Remy there. you know, to visualise stuff.

and the DIFFERENCE between this alive-Remy and Deathbit is killing me.

ESPECIALLY IF YOU CLICK THROUGH THEM FAST AND THEY BLEND (and Rogue's BARE hands) (and the fact that Death doesn't have "light" in his eyes) (auRGH the pain my favorite)

IT'S KILLING ME. IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

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Coming into a fandom late

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During a round of late night thinking, I encountered an intriguing idea about Deathbit and how we can play with it. (I blame Woodkid - To Ashes and Blood for making me think at all) (Arcane why do you do this to us writers)

TLDR: Gambit is not brainwashed and is working for Apocalypse willingly.

We all know about the "came back wrong" idea, it being the main one in the fandom as I see it right now - after an unreasonable amount of torture from Apocalypse because of course there's torture like the boy hasn't suffered enough already (HE BURNED ALIVE). But you know, what would've been even more interesting?

If he came back right.

With all his smiles and accent and powers - just boosted - and he still calls X-men his "amis" and laughs like it's just one big training session in the Danger Room and like his hair isn't white and like his skin isn't ashy gray and like there's no Apocalypse who gives him orders. Moreover, he reacts to those orders with another round of wits and jokes - like it's no ancient and probably the most powerful mutant in history but just Scott or Chuck. And when shit hits the fan and he needs to kill someone, X-men see that he doesn't want to but he does go for the kill. They stop him and it looks like he let himself be stopped but then he knocks them out and flees.

And he still wears his smile like it's the only mask he has and there are tears in his eyes and they see it's HIM it's GAMBIT and they can't understand why doesn't he just stop completely and go with them and let them help.

And for a while they think that he's brainwashed or mind controlled but it's painfully obvious he isn't and X-men just don't know what to do. They think maybe it's some kind of sick trick of his, maybe it's his revenge for letting him die, for not preventing Genosha or accepting Magneto into the team (he jokes about that fuck up of theirs during fights more than once) or something else.

And when the team inevitably get him cornered and maybe even collared, he panics. Not because they might hurt or kill him - and they actually might, at this point Death/Gambit caused a pretty big amount of injuries, but none of them were more than they could handle and that alone is suspicious - and they DEMAND to explain what's happening, he's borderline having a panic attack and he pleads to let him go. It's out of character for him more than they can think and they press further and further until he screams

"REMY TRY TO PROTECT YOU!"

at the top of his lungs and he's scared and everyone are dead sure he's not scared of them.

And they ask again (probably Storm), this time calmer, trying to see if Gambit is even aware of where he is and what is happening - and he is. He's damn sure of where he is and what he's doing and he hates himself for it, but

"it be de only way t' keep him away from you."

And he looks up at them and tells them that he made a deal with a Devil. As long as Remy serve him - loyally, consciously, fully understanding what is wanted from him - Apocalypse won't touch the X-men. Unless they bother him too much, that is. He tells them that Apocalypse wanted to get his hands on Storm and Wolverine and Rogue and for some reason he decided to ressurect Gambit first and Remy couldn't let his friends and loved ones become Apocalypse's pawns. And Remy's been doing his best to keep them occupied so that they'd not meet with his 'master' as well as keeping tabs on Apocalypse's work at the same time. He had no chance to do anything with it because he was scared about what his interference may cause. And Death is afraid of Apocalypse shitless. Yet he keeps working for him - "it's not de first time Remy sold his soul. Der's nothing to sell anymore. Just let him do this for you so you don't have to."

We know that when Gambit died, he didn't see his sacrifice as anything heroic. He never called himself a hero - at least being serious - and that he full on believed he was the worst amongst X-men (well before Erik showed up). And this would be him bargaining himself again.

There is actually so much intresting dialogues and scenes and the sheer confusion and dramedy is amazing. Let me know if you have any thoughts on that (comments or smth).

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one thing I'm sure of is that Rogue full on knew her demons. like, by name, by heart. she knew all those little gross manipulations her brain would pull off on her and she just accepted them and suffered through them, because they were just so... familiar.

imagine, after all Genosha debacle, when she was knocked out cold by "Poor Man Oppenheimer" (yeah I forgot his name I'm sorry you know who) - she had a dream.

except, she fully on knew it was a dream. she knew that it wasn't real, 'cause the sun was a bit too bright and the sky was a little too clear and birds sounded just a smidge too cheerful.

and because Remy was there, lying next to her in the tall summer grass, his arm under her head, his hand on her cheek.

and they smiled, they joked and laughed and enjoyed the moment. and then he asked -

"You know it just a dream, right?"

And Rogue sighed, brushing his hair out of his face, her bare fingers gliding over skin of his forehead before lowering down to his lips.

"Yeah..." she told him as she watched her thumb brush over his lower lip, the feeling of his hot skin being so alien and familiar. "Ah know."

And he takes her hand in his and kisses her fingers as he asks

"How do you know, chere?"

And she smiles sadly, the sting of it just being part of her at this point, and she just closes her eyes and brings his face closer, making their foreheads touch.

"Cause Ah can feel you."

And he chuckles, just barely, lightly, almost bitterly. And she feels his hand run across the skin of her cheek as he cups it, his lips so very close to hers. And he whispers.

"Oh, mon amour..." and the smile in his voice is so sad she can feel it. "We both know dat's not true."

And suddenly she feels sun burn brighter and hotter, so hot it's uncomfortable, and grass disappears and the low murmur of the river they were just by - it's all gone and there're only flames and the smell of burning and she can't open her eyes.

"Dis be a dream 'cause I'm dead."

And he's disappearing - the touch of his hand, the feeling of his arm, the warmth of his lips, the sound of his voice, all of it, all of it, all of it.

And she screams his name until she wakes herself up.

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do you have those moments?

me: oh and here's a couple of phrases from that new chapter!

me: proceeds to send a whole f*cking page

my friend: uh-huh. a couple of phrases you say.

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HOW COME I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS SHOT

IT'S SO GOOD

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while working on a chapter I suddenly remembered this beloved song of mine and my dudes I'm crying haha

just look at the lyrics!

'Cause she is so much more than all her scars And if she doesn't have the will But it seems the whole world does I'll stay because I will be the man my father never was

Remy and "I will be the man my father never was" is going deep, but the whole staying-when-she-doesnt-have-the-will-but-world does IS VERY MUCH HIM

And here!!

If you ever touch or harm him Please rest assured That you might not fear a man But to a woman by the end you'll kneel and plead 'Cause I'm more than what my mum told me to be

THAT LAST LINE. THAT. LAST. LINE.

I'm in tears

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Another fun-fact from XIII

Due to "reasons" that we'll get to down the line, Remy's boosted regeneration woke some things in his body. Mainly, his skin started turning gray again and his hair now has white stripes (yeah, he and Rogue match now)

so, basically, he looks like this and it's hilarious and adorable and kinda creepy

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[sits bolt upright in bed] i HAVE to make a character cry RIGHT NOW. im talking full-body, uncontrollable, heaving sobs. Right Now.

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just had a scam-artist (AjlinParker) show up in my comments on AO3 on XIII.

well vibes were off from the very first second and after a quick research I found out they were scammers haha

well I wouldn't be able to pay anyone anything anyway ("thanks paypal for blocking transactions from Russia" was not on my bingo card for today)

anyways, be careful, guys

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XIII - The Tower (ch 4)

The turning point of the story. Too much to say to say anything.

(and bonus)

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me: sharing a part of a chapter with my friend

chapter: calls Remy "all pink"

my friend: if you pink you either a drag queen or dead no third option

me: DIES INSTANTLY

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you know it's going to be a good chapter when while writing it you think "i gotta put some trigger warning in the beginning"

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little spoiler for those who wants it hehe

here are the titles of the next (couple) chapters of XIII (there's a link, you can check it out):

The Tower

The Strength

The Hierophant

The Magician

The Chariot

you can search the meaning of the cards and try to guess what'll happen but it's certainly interesting