#but this happened to be the longest one
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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The Princes
Ten years later. When marrying a Prince turns a Queen and a Servant into actual Royalties.
Because Vil deserves a real crown and Jamil deserves to be treated better.
NOW I'M GONNA RANT ABOUT MY CHARA DESIGNS CHOICES AND ALL THE DISCOVERIES I MADE WHILE LOOKING FOR REFS! If you only care about art and funny doodles, you can scroll down for a handful of slices of life.
(Don't worry if you can't read my notes, I'm repeating myself better right under this)
Leona
-Lion: As you may know, one of my grievances with Leona is how his hair doesn't look like an actual mane despite being a lion. While I don't want to stray too far from the canon design with the usual drawings, that's the occasion for me to have some fun with a future version. Give that lion a beard and voluminous hair!
-Hair: First, get those bangs out of his face. Despite Leona being very confident, he still has bangs covering his scarred eye. I wanted him to finally own the aspects of him that may be scary to others (his UM, his scar, etc). I actually went with bangs framing his face similar to the ones he had during his Overblot. I wasn't sure whether to give him dreadlocks or curly hair, but I ended up choosing the free curls decorated with some atebas and braids so that Vil could have more fun styling them.
-Eye: Thanks @aria-faye for the idea, I decided to have his eye gradually lose its capacities with time. From a headcanon that, while the eye wasn't directly touched by whatever attack scarred him, the process of healing still had an impact on it and he gradually lost sight in his left eye years after years.
-Body: Not giving him a dad bod (yet, maybe in another ten years), but definitely giving him more voluminous yet casual muscles. Practical muscles with a healthy dose of fat and tissues. Also giving him two full sleeves of tattoos because I decided he should have much more than just his lion tattoo.
-Clothes: Went full Maasai dressing and Kenyan fabrics and beadworks. If you're not familiar with it, please go check it out, it's GORGEOUS!! Crown is beadwork too. He also has one Arabic styled foot jewellery.
Jamil
-Hair: My first order was to remove his double-faced hairstyle and also remove his bangs from his eye. Make him confident enough to show his whole face. Unlike Leona and Vil, he doesn't really want a crown though (he still feels weird about becoming royalty) so instead he uses a braid as crown. Also gave him a little goatee because I like facial hair and Jafar has a beard too.
-Body: He grew up! While he didn't quite catch up with Leona and Vil, he is now closer to their sizes than before, sitting at around 180cm. He kept his breakdancer/martial artist lean muscles but developed a bit of shoulders.
-Clothes: Went full Arabic dressing and fabrics (once more, go check the fabrics, they are pieces of arts). I gave him floral motifs instead of his usual fire/snake motifs (though he does have a snake earring and a fangs necklace) to symbolise his rebirth/blooming. Like Leona, he has one piece of jewellery that is beadwork.
Vil
-Hair: Here it was a bit tricky. Considering Vil's work, he likely changes hairstyles a lot, going from long to short for his roles instead of his wants. So I leaned into the little things he could add to his hair despite their constant changes, mostly jewelleries, beadworks and wool decorations he stole from his husbands. He also cares a bit less about them looking perfect and is allowing himself to be more natural. He doesn't have any facial hair (yet), keeping a youthful appearance for as long as he can. In another ten years though, he might start looking more and more like his father, beard included.
-Clothes: For Leona and Jamil's mental states, the three of them most likely started living in Sunset Savanna so they wouldn't freeze to death. Vil is well traveled so he can handle most temperatures without trouble, and he is used to dressing up in the local get ups. Here I decided to give him both African dress and Arabic fabric, and likewise both beadwork and golden jewellery. I gave him crown and heart motifs so he can keep being himself despite borrowing a lot from his husbands.
There, I'm done rambling. Here's some doodles, followed by some random headcanons.
-Vil does his husbands hair every morning and keeps giving them more and more intricate hairstyles. He developed a whole haircare and beard-care products set for them.
-When Vil is away for a movie, Jamil keeps his hair mostly down save for a few accessories.
-Jamil and Falena get along surprisingly well (to Leona's despair). Vil gets along very well with Falena's wife.
-Jamil acts as a Scalding Sands ambassador and still is the one to care for Kalim when he comes to visit, though this time he's doing it because he wants to and not because he has to.
-Vil got used to his new title immediately but Jamil struggles with it a lot. He still has a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that he is no longer a servant.
-The servants at the palace love Jamil because he always makes their job easier.
-Leona finally decided to put his wits to good use and became Falena's advisor. He still fights a lot with Kifaji about the direction to take with the country, but he managed to make some of his ideas heard to help with the staggering inequalities in the country.
That's all for now!
#so... that's officially my longest piece to date#this one took me nearly 10 hours#and I'm considering doing a colored version because Arabic and Kenyan fabrics are so beautiful I swear#won't happen in a while tho#mello's drawings#n2 squad#jamil viper#leona kingscholar#vil schoenheit#javil#leojami#leovil#twisted wonderland#twst#art#my art#analysis#Future!N2
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Core Gems
So when a ghost becomes injured, they have a last ditch defense where they retreat into their core. And I mean, injured badly where their body is rip apart to the point they canât hold a solid form anymore. And they basically go into a hibernation state until they are strong enough to form again.
Ellie, Danny, and Dan are all injured in a final battle against the GIW. The organization was destroyed and the ghosts were safe but the halfas ended up being so injured that they reverted to core form and then went to sleep for a bit. When they woke up, they were still weak but at least recovered enough to gain consciousness. And realizeâŠthey are in some kind of auctionâŠin the middle of a heist. It appeared that two furries (one in a bat costume and one in a cat costume) were ducking it out. And theyâŠthey were a necklace. All three of them had been turned into a necklace with their cores as gems accompanied by sapphires, pearls, and opals. And frankly gorgeous craftsmanship as the metal was crafted around their cores as if to cradle them and the other gems.
Unfortunately, they were too weak to take a form properly, they could still feel the strain on their bodies. But at least they could still communicate through their auras. Then the cat lady punched a hole in the glass container surrounding them and grabbed their necklace.
However, the bat grabbed the other end and it resulted in a sort of tug-a-war. Meanwhile, Danny, Ellie, and Dan were having a back and form commentary on the situation and what they should do. Completely unheard by the other party.
In the corner of their eye, the three halfas finally noticed a third contender. Some kind of clown who wasâŠhold onâŠholding a gun?! And it was pointed straight at the two fighting furies who had yet to notice him. The ghostsâ protective instincts went into overdrive and they frantically tried to shout, yell, move. Just do something to warn the two but their cries fell on deaf ears. All they succeeded in doing was faintly glow which immediatly caught the attention of the fighting duo. The two turned to look at the strange necklace but right at that moment, the clown fired and a gunshot rang throughout the auction room. Having no other options, Danny and the others poured every ounce of ectoplasm they had to try and phaseshift, making the two furries intangible as the bullets passed right through them, but in their shock, the two jumped away in opposite directions and accidentally ripped the necklace apart. Gems and pearls went flying and the three cores bounced along the ground.
Luckily, the two finally noticed the clown and went to deal with him and his minions who had appeared. Seemingly putting their fight on hold and forming a temporary truce. The three halfas could only watch as the battle finally wound down, ending with the cops barging into the place and arresting the clown and his grunts, the cat managing to escape with half the scattered gems and pearls from the broken necklace along with a few other jewelry pieces (none of their cores though) and the bat leaving through a skylight.
The auction continued and in the end, despite being broken, their necklace seemed to have caught someoneâs interest. A man named Bruce Wayne bought up every piece of the shattered jewelry wear. The auctioneers appeared relived that the item managed to sell in the end and gratefully gave it to him.
Bruce had no idea what happened at the auction, but he could have sworn that some of the gems faintly glowed right before he and Selina were shot. If the necklace was some sort of magical item, then he needed to understand exactly what has been brought to Gotham. It was unfortunate that Selena had taken some parts of the necklace but he utilized his vast wealth to make sure all the other parts ended in his possession. Now he would take them back to the mansion for examination.
#Dpxdc#dcxdp#kizzer55555 ideas#Bruce thinks the necklace is magical. Heâs technically not wrong.#When he gets home he immediately puts each gem in a glass container to examine them. For the longest time though nothing happens.#They all look like normal gems except for the main three of the piece. He canât identify what kind of gem they are.#The gems are perfect spheres with various shades of blue (with hints of green and white) swirling around.#The colors almost look like they are moving in slow motion. Still. Nothing happens as he examines them and no strange events happen.#That is until one day he decided to take the gems to be examined by a professional and a villain attacked.#A piece of building was about to crush him when a wall of ice appeared as a shield over him. After that he took them back to the cave.#Bruce looks up thousands of documents about enchanted necklaces and artifacts but finds nothing. He even calls in favors from JLD.#Zatanna doesnât recognize them but feels some kind of power coming off the gems however it doesnât feel malevolent (at least for 2 of them)#(The last gem is neutral.) Also Constantine was unavailable (*cough* hiding from responsibilities *cough*)#The other bats get interested in the gems. Tim has a theory that they are some kind of protective charms. Damian agrees.#(Everyone is shocked Tim and Damian agree on something). So while Bruce is continuing his investigation the other bats decide to do some#âField testingâ and take the gems out. Consequently the gems end up saving their lives and they discover a few things they can do like make#The wearer invisible. Intangible. Create green barriers/constructs. Create ice. Vibrate when an enemy is coming. And much more.#The bats fashion them into new individual bracelets/necklaces and think they are the coolest thing. They have powered up protective charms!#The halfas just wish these kids would STOP PUTTING THEIR LIVES IN DANGER! What are they MORONS?!#Most of the ectoplasms they recover is used to protect the bats and nearby civilians.#(Dan also trolls people and is mostly protective his siblings though)#People notice the new power ups. A rougue gets his hands on a gem and tries to use it ONCE to attack something but the gems didnât respond.#Then it froze the roughâs legs to the ground.#Much time later the gems are swapped between the bats and alternated and have just become a new item in their belt#(batman was not pleased but eventually got used to it and begrudgingly accepted that they were useful. Especially when they save his kids)#They come to a Justice league meeting and Constantine finally sees them.#His mouth drops in shock and he frantically asks where they got GHOST CORES?! And this is when the bats finally realise what they have.#And are horrified to realize EXACTLY what they are holding and that these âgemsâ were technically ALIVE.#Meanwhile the three Halfas have been kinda chilling but also working their butts off to keep this family alive. It was a fulltime job.
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âȘ Last Man in the World âȘ
The Band CAMINO
âŸââââââââââââââââââŒ
ââ II âčâč
Now weâre really getting into canon divergence. The nitty gritty, if you will. This episodes pretty much the same; Noah calls Alejandro an eel and gets called out for it, Courtney and Gwen find Duncan and he joins Team Chris, you know how it goes. What changes is that Team Chris ends up winning the challenge (like they should of in the first place but I digress) and get Duncan as their prize. Iâm gonna say Gwen lets it slip that she has feelings for Duncan and Courtney gets incredibly upset, getting Sierra and Heather to vote for Gwen. Codyâs all out of sorts after Noah was at risk of being kicked off, though he wont say that out loud. He doesnât have to, anyway. Tyler also gains a massive weight on his shoulders but itâs fine heâll be fine
#so sorry Tyler but you can find comfort in the fact youre plot relevant at least#I think this is the last time I get to use the âsomething just happenedâ joke so I hope you liked it while it lasted#the next one of these is my favorite. its also the LONGEST so youre probably getting it in December when im free again#total drama#total drama world tour#tdwt#total drama noah#td noah#total drama cody#td cody#cody anderson#total drama tyler#td tyler#noco#total drama noco#td noco#Starry makes art#world tour but noco are the only ones kissing#this is also one of the first times I draw Tyler ever#Tyler im SORRY FOR NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO YOU UNTIL NOW#youre LOVELY and I APPRECIATE YOU
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It's so funny seeing people either convert or just now going "BkDk is so gay" after, what, a decade of its run.
Because now?? Now you're admitting something deep is there? Romantic and/or platonic?
Maybe it was just me but I clocked that tension in the beginning, even when I wasn't into the ship like that (as in it wasn't a ship I thought about given where I started with the anime and manga).
When Midoriya called Bakugou "Kacchan" and not once did Bakugou not tell him to not call him that, that's when I knew "oh... y'all got something... to be worked out there."
#mind you i didn't see the first season or read the manga yet#the nickname alone told me everything#midoriya wasn't calling anyone else some cute nickname#heck takes him constant reminders to call tsuyu tsu#but he calls bakugou kacchan with ease and bakugou never told him to stop#AND NOW PEOPLE THINK THEY'RE GAY?!#they're literally the childhood besties trope that turned sour (something done plenty of times before)#and seriously if you hate bakudeku because bakugou is mean and a bully then why ship him with anybody at all then?#'but he---' ah ah he has been mean to everybody at some point and it would have been no different if midoriya switched places with someone#midoriya is just happen to be the one he knew the longest so of course he got it the most DUH#now that I'm thinking about has midoriya even told bakugou to not call him deku??#just kiya's thoughts#bnha#mha#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#bakudeku#midoriya izuku#bakugou katsuki
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inner child
#world of warcraft#anduin wrynn#the war within#struggling to explain what im trying to capture here#I think for the longest time I believed adulthood hit when the child you was no more#so until recently i refused to accept that my childhood had ended#But the truth is that child-you kinda just hands adult-you the wheel of the car but they're still there and messing with the radio#anyway I imagine Anduin's inner child self and what his opinion is of everything that has happened#AdultAnduin believing his childself would hate him but he actually looks up to him with some sortve concerned awe#also the background looks like what i see when i close my eyes and i think represents in one's headspace pretty well#i think i used something similiar in an ealier piece of him panicing and#it just works so well when covering mental stuff
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MAY 16, 200-
#Cool fun facts about this one I drew it back in fucking March.#then I realized i got the date wrong and sat on it for 2 months and then decided to go back and touch it up for another. 2 HOURS .#This is the LONGEST Iâve ever spent on art. 13 and a half hours. Christ alive Iâm never drawing again#Anyway . check this shit out.#ID in alt text#scenario that never happened but I like to think about. What if they all ganged up#it was supposed to be a head crab zombie in the hallway but I donât want to touch this anymore so itâs Gman. âïž IDC#half life#half life 1#gordon freeman#barney calhoun#adrian shephard#half life blue shift#half life opposing force#hlop4#my art#guns#blood#bright colors#injury#ask to tag#hl#blue shift#opposing force#spore launcher#HAPPY RESCAS DAY . WOOOOOO#my fave detail on this that idk if anyone will notice. thatâs not Barneyâs helmet. itâs got a bullet hole in the side :)
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Design notes (+ a little Portal clownery)
#this is only when I really take the time to draw them properly and not fucking rushing the fuck out of my hand on stream to get my silly#stupid joke out of my head. because when that happens the only thing that can tell them apart is wukongs phoenix feathers and the thin hope#that Iâm conveying their personalities correctly HEHFHSBB#WE GO FULL SONIC/SHADOW IN THIS MF!!!#I also live for macaque being ungroomed and not knowing what to do with his fur for the longest time bc he doesnât really have anyone to go#to. bc of his falling out with wukong and because he would probably die before asking someone to brush his hair or smth hehffgsbv#probably makes up for it by covering it with glamor anyway. who knows *shrug*#also hiii peddling my wukong and macaque are roughly the same height hc *deafening silence*#this is partly because I canât clearly imagine one being taller than the other and I just think itâs funny if itâs an ongoing argument betwe#between them for centuries. arguing whos taller even back when they were friends JDHFNSV#my art#myart#doodles#Lego Monkie kid#lmk#Monkie kid#lmk MK#lmk xiaotian#lmk six eared macaque#lmk macaque#lmk sun wukong#lmk swk#lmk fanart#shadowpeach#but in a divorced way
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bilingual struggles
(sorry this is super long)
#sk8 the infinity#art tag#long post#langa's doing his best his brain cells are working as hard as they can#this happens to me all the time#worst is when you forget one word in 2/3 languages#but you forget another word in a different 2/3 languages#i hope the image isnt blurry#they are HUGE sizes tho#in the preview they're super blurry#tumblr why#actually i also have a video version i used for the bird site#bc it's so picky about image dimensions yanno#here i can just shove in the longest post and tumblr will be like yes ok sir this is a struggle but we'll do it for you
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Lamb, out of your cult, not counting Narinder, who has the most favor with you? Who is a favorite son, or daughter of the Cult who does the most?
#cult of the lamb#cotl oc#?#his s/o is scarier than him#he's also as it happens one of the longest lasting followers#bro is named 'cheese parm' in my game
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Pampered
The hardest part of the day is deciding what scented soap to use in the bubble bath
#I was?? trying something KIND OF different but not really#not sure if I fuck with it??? but I'll prolly do a Allie to match this one later#JarbleAU#JarbleEden#sfw#my art#digital art#anthro#anthro pokemon#longest part of the drawing was fighting myself to not delete it and start over. BUT I RESISTED#trying to not do that as much. Just push through you must make ugly stuff it happens I must PERSIST
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the Pathologic essay I wrote last year about why I think the Haruspex route Utopian ending is the overall best ending, I still stand by what I said however this somewhat structured essay holds less than half about how much I care about this ending.
also it is just canon LOL
In the game Pathologic there are three different routes, each corresponding to each healer. The story also has several endings, one for each of the bound (characters which as the name implies, are bound to their individual healer) as well as a bad ending if the player fails to find any sort of viable solution for the plague. This ability to choose the ending belonging to another healer is an incredibly telling one on the part of the characters, especially when it comes to the Haruspex, and his ability to choose the Utopian, and the Bachelorâs ending. This ending also works quite well when considering the wider narratives of the Haruspexâs route, including the future of the town, his role and sacrifice, and the metanarrative of the story.
In all three routes there lays quite a large weight on the future of the town, as of course it is the battle of the ending, of which vision of the town would become reality. The Haruspexâs bound is known as the Termites, a collection of children who learned from Isidor Burakh, Artemy Burakhâs father. Their ending is the one in which the Polyhedron is destroyed and the town stands, ready to be developed by a future generation. However, it is discovered in one of the other routes of the story, the Bachelorâs route (we will get to him later) that the source of the infection lies underneath the town, in the pockets of blood which have collected beneath. This means that the plague can never be fully defeated unless the town itself is destroyed, as the Polyhedron has already pierced the ground, meaning that there is no returning the plague to its dormant state, trapped underneath the earth. On the other hand, the other side of the river is entirely uninhibited, clean of the plague. This complete lack of prior development also means an ability to create a new town.
The new town built after the Utopian ending is one made, as the name implies, by the Utopians, however, the asymmetrical narrative changes depending on which healer is the one being currently played by the player, so following that logic, the endings would be influenced as well. This would hypothetically mean that the vision Capella has for the future of the town, one in which the Haruspex is a leader of the kin, and the town would be led by the children, could still find its place within the new town. There are also direct connections between the Utopians and Termites as well, such as Casper Kain, also known as Khan, of the termites, being a termite while also being part of the Kain family, which means that despite the rocky relationship amongst the family, he is still a heir to that power. Capella as well, is the sister of Vlad the younger, who at that point is the eldest Olgymsky remaining, and the projected leader of the townâs industry in the new town, she has also planned her engagement to Khan, meaning that she would then have a connection to Kain family as well. Apart from these direct connections, the entirety of the bound is important, each member, independent of faction, still able to impact the future of the town, and in order to achieve the Utopian ending in the Haruspex route both the Termites and Utopians must be fully healed. However these are the more hypothetical results of the ending, in the game itself the cutscene remains the same for whichever healer chooses the ending, which can imply the uniformness of the ending. However even though the Utopian ending described in differing routes can still serve the Haruspex well, the utopia described in the Bachelor route is explicitly stated to need the Earth, ââŠit's all about what's down below. It requires dirt. A ruby firmament needs something to sit atop-otherwise it'd topple.â This coincides well with the future Capella predicts, with the Haruspex taking his place as the foreman of the Abattoir, showing that there is, in fact, a place for the âearthly and the humaneâ in the new town. The connections described within the route, the needs of the utopia, and especially the influence of the Haruspex himself, would allow the Utopian ending to be a fitting future in the Haruspex route.
Another very present aspect of the Haurpsexâs route is that of his sacrifice, the idea that he must destroy, kill, something or someone in order for his ending to occur. This concept is mentioned a few times, however it is only fully explained by Katerina Saburova, âYou will make a sacrifice. There will be rivers of blood, and that will be your doing.â While I can go into a whole other essay about the ideas of the sacrifice (and I do), we will for this essayâs sake, take the sacrifice as itâs surface level in pathologic classic, and how itâs implications mean that choosing the Utopian ending would have better long-term effects and also complete the Haruspexâs journey.
The Haruspexâs story follows a more classical heroâs journey rather than the Bachelorâs tragedy, with the abattoir symbolising the other world, and Oyun assigning the quite literal trials the Haruspex must go through. Once the Haruspex defeats the Foreman and becomes the new Foreman of the abattoir, however, he is still not respected by the butchers, who require a sacrifice from him. This duality of both the mistressâ prophecy and the requirement of the butchers also shines a light on the Haruspex in Pathologic Classic, someone who knows that he is of two worlds, however also a person who takes pride in both of them, and brings them together.
In the Termite ending the sacrifice is not fulfilled, the Haruspex is not allowed access to the blood, the plague looms as a remaining threat, and the Polyhedron still falls, for nothing.
Unlike in Pathologic 2, where the Polyhedron is quite literally piercing through the heart of the Earth, slowly killing her, in classic it is nowhere near that fatal, still harmful, but not fatal.. Â This important distinction is also important to make with the fact that while the blood would still seep out from the open wound if the tower were to fall, it would be limited, and would dry out at some point, while on the other hand, completing the sacrifice would allow the Haruspex access to the blood in the Earth, as the butchers would allow him to find the hidden reserves.
The sacrifice herself, Aglaya Lilich is someone already doomed by the powers that be, a doll loved by their mother and so hated by them, she dies in every ending but the Termitesâ. There is, of course, a point to be made about the theme of a woman having to die for a manâs journey is not a good one, and choosing this ending would feed into a harmful cliche, however, her death is something she herself understands, and although she urges the Haruspex not to make it, she acknowledges that she is meant to be the sacrifice, that choosing this choice will be enough, âIf you lead him to victory, you may consider your sacrifice made. You return to the exultant butchers, triumphant.â Her death is not regarded as a simple shock factor to the end of the story, it is the pivotal choice the Haruspex must make. This is also shown in the Changeling route, where saving Aglaya is seen as an act of deceit, as even Claraâs ending, which saves the town, requires Aglaya to die, as Aglaya is a âqueenâ an important piece on the board at the end of the game, her life only allows for the Termite ending, only allows for the Haruspex to lose his standing within the kin, and only allows for the sacrifice of the Polyhedron.
The Polyhedron is viewed as the sacrifice in the case that the Haruspex seeks to save Aglaya, however would it even work as one? The sacrifice needed is one of equal value to the Udurgh, the body that contains the world, and if the Utopian route is the one followed, the Udurgh is Simon Kain, and so the sacrifice must be someone who is more than human, and yet human. The Polyhedron, on the other hand, contains no human element, yet, it is the container for a human soul, a chimaera of living and nonliving, however in the Termite ending it is empty, and therefore cannot serve as sacrifice. Both Katerina and Capellaâs opinions support the Bachelorâs argument in favour of the Polyhedron standing as well, Katerina outright claiming that â I know for sure that you are to destroy a womanâŠâ However, seeing that Katerinaâs prophecies are often wrong, this statement must be taken with a pinch of salt. On the other hand, Capella clarifies that while Simon is merely a man in the current time, however, âHad Simon been reborn though, had he transferred his spirit to a new vessel-a body huge, perfect, and able to let others in... then he could have been called that.â Well, that rebirth, that new vessel she describes just so happens to match up incredibly well to the Polyhedron, this means that for the Udurgh to exist, for the Haruspex to fulfil his purpose, he must let the Polyhedron stand, must let Simon become the Udurgh. These ideas of sacrifice, of fate, and most importantly, of duty and purpose, greatly define the Haruspexâs story, and the Utopian ending is the only ending which gives it the needed satisfaction by its end.
All of the prior points about the town and the sacrifice have been made with the greatest levels of constraint I was able to amount, this paragraph, admittedly, will be much more personal, as the reasoning it presents was the initial reason for my appreciation of this ending. Simply saying, this paragraph will discuss this ending and the Haruspexâs connections, specifically the connection to the Bachelor. This entire essay could have been written only about this, specific subject, however, there was much more to be said about this ending. This paragraph will discuss the relationship between the Bachelor and the Haruspex (of course) as well as the metanarrative of Pathologic classic, especially when it comes to the ends and in considering the Bachelor route in comparison to the Haruspex one.
During the Bachelor run, there is not a single chance to access the abandoned workshop the Haruspex works in, even trying to teleport into the workshop will fail, This comes with the precedent that as the Bachelor, you will not meet the Haruspex until the fifth day, from which point on he is only truly present for days 5,8,9, and of course, day 12. This is of course, a great disservice and the Pathologic 2 route should really have more Haruspex in it, however on a less tangential point, it a great difference from the haruspex route, in which the Bachelor appears for almost every single day of the playthrough, The Bachelor is likely to be the character the player interacts with the most, and over the game the connection between the two characters grows over time, with the Bachelor switching to use Artemy Burakhâs first name. However this closeness between the two is present throughout the entirety of the route, from the very first line the Bachelor speaks to the Haruspex (We will get to that later) to even the descriptions of quests and locations which the Haruspex takes note of, even I was surprised at just how much there was between these two in my first playthrough. All that builds to the point in which these two characters, at the very least, care for one another, deeply enough that the Haruspex has multiple dialogue options which are explicitly supportive of the Utopian ending within his Cathedral discussion with the Bachelor, with all but two of the dialogue branches allowing him to ask the Bachelor for his advice, and only one serving as a direct rejection. And that is what choosing the Termites ending in the Haruspex route is, a rejection, all throughout the route the Bachelor will attempt to convince the Haruspex of the validity of his ending, and in the Haruspex route, the Utopian ending is incredibly tied to the Bachelor, to Daniil Dankovsy, with the implication that if tower, if the last remainder of his research will not survive, that neither will he. Much like Aglaya, his fate is tied to the aspect of the town he is bound to protect. The Bachelor, who, while still placed as more antagonistic, still has his choice, his option for the ending still weighed as equally as the Inquisitorâs, the story places them as equals, âTwo diverging pairs of decisions. Both pre-determinedâŠâ Which also clarifies that the Utopian ending was never less free than the Termite one, as they are both pre-written, scripted.
This leads into another extremely important aspect of Pathologic Classic HD, the meta, not only can you be reminded twice per round that the story is not real, but multiple characters and scenarios note that this is still a game, still a story the player is playing a part of. A big part of the meta story is the fact that the town is in fact, a sandbox, and the characters are merely dolls. The Polyhedron is a water container which was stuck into the sand, and the water within it had caused a mold, causing the sand pest within the reality of the characters. Removing the tower would help nothing; the mold has already spread, the only option forward is to remove the sand, or play somewhere else, which is what the destruction of the town means, the Utopian ending is the only one which actually, truly addresses this.
Another very meta aspect of the story is the relationship between the Haruspex and Bachelor, which is seen in the very first line spoken from the Bachelor to the Haruspex. The order the game suggests the routes is to begin with Bachelor, continue to Haruspex, and end with Changeling, and viewing the story as one continuous thing in that order adds a lot of depth to the story, with, â Yes... Far be it from me to call myself a person of mystical inclinations. However, when I look at you, I get the feeling that nature is playing jokes on us. It's as if both the left and the right hand have clutched the head to realise for the first time that they are two parts of a single whole.â The Bachelor quickly disarms the player, not only is this statement a clear representation of the fact that they are two parts of a single whole, they are all healers, all part of the role the player plays, but this line is just plain out not something to say to someone you just met. Dankovsky continues his, less than normal interactions towards the Haruspex throughout the route, to the point that two of them have the closest connection here than almost any other two characters in any route, to the point even the developers themselves reflect upon it in that same dialogue I mentioned before, âTwo diverging pairs of decisions⊠And then, you see, there were also feelings involved... Love.â While this can be applied to Aglaya instead, in the context of the conversation, which is Clara asking the developers about the two other healers specifically, that simply would not make sense. There is a lot more textual and meta evidence about these two, but I am straying off course too much already and this paragraph is already very very long, so we will just move swiftly back to the actual point of the essay :) (BUT YES I COULD WRITE A WHOLE ENTIRE THING ABOUT HOW DANIIL IS WRITTEN AS A LOVE INTEREST IN THIS ROUTE)
Let us not forget, however, a reason as to why the Bachelor wishes to destroy the town, and that is that Daniil is incredibly petty and jealous of Aglaya, from the initial curiosity at their initial meeting, â...She was so impressed by your dignified demeanour ⊠What did you tell her that touched her so much?â To the outright spiteful, âMy dear Burakh, she is your sacrifice! I don't think it is at all necessary to slit her throat with your own knife ⊠if the town is destroyed, the head of Aglaya Lilich will be separated from her shoulders in less than a day.â He also partially agrees with Artemy that he seeks to keep the Polyhedron out of spite. However one must take into consideration the Bachelorâs route, in which he is consistently used and betrayed, the biggest offender being the Inquisitor herself. The only person who does not do so is the Haruspex, so it makes sense he would do quite literally anything to keep that being the case.
The fact is, Daniil Dankovsky suffers, in almost every single ending he is not at a good place, all of the endings from his own route for one, as that route is quite literally a tragedy, as well as the fact that Eva is dead in it, that also goes for Changeling route endings, as well as the fact that in that route he is in general incapable of a happy ending, which only leaves the Haruspexâs route for him to have any possibility of contentment (sorry g boy) Immediately we can also rule out the Termite ending in the Haruspex route, and in the Humbles ending he is the only one without a place, the Haruspex, as the Foreman, would still have a role to play, but Daniil would not, her victory is also the least rational one, and therefore, the hardest one for him to agree with. That leaves, of course, one ending, the Haruspex route Utopian ending, in which the Bachelor is not left in misery.
Other than that, this ending, just like all endings in which the player picks the ending of the bound other than their healersâ is a direct victory over fate, over the âsetâ ending for the route. The executor, the stand-in for the developers in the ending of the game says as much, âThe only enemy, the only evil in this story, you see, is called InevitabilityâŠâ This also lends itself to the idea that the belief that there is only one ârightâ ending for each healer, that they should only be considered by their boundâs choice, is a wrong one. This refusal of fate, refusal of the ending implied to be the âcorrectâ choice of the Haruspex since the very beginning of the game, is the ultimate victory of the player, and of the characters with them.
In almost all discussion of the Pathologic endings, the only possibilities considered are the ones given, each healer choosing their own boundâs end, but Pathologic is far more dynamic than that. The story is asymmetrical, and so are its endings, which is why Bachelorâs route Utopian ending is quite possibly the most tragic, hopeless one, and the Haruspex route one is the complete opposite. There is no âgoodâ ending, of course, no, that would be too simple, however, there are some which are clearly better than others, and due to the future of the town, the impact this has on the Haruspexâs story, and arguably most importantly, the meta and interconnected aspects of this ending, it can be considered as a good ending. It is a belief that the Utopian ending in any context, is a bad one, however, in the words of the Haruspex himself, âAny choice is right as long as itâs willed.â
#pathologic#daniil dankovsky#artemy burakh#pathologic classic hd#burakhovsky#implied#a lot of the rest of my thoughts can be boiled down to âi kinned danko too hard oopsâ/hj#but there is so much to be said about this one particular ending and the way it does have the longest term good impact on the world#unlike most other patho endings which when considered outside of a vacuum would be really bad as things to happen to the real world#don't want to get into how the termite and humble endings are kinda conservative but utopian is the only one driving the world forwards#under artemy's influence it's even better#indigo rambles
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Down bad for the gamer boy
#one of my longest crushes#we basically grew up together i care so much for him#also yes i know whats happening in the manga i dont want to talk about it#Im having a crisis#f/o#fictional other#self insert#self ship#morghy#my art#tomomo#shigaraki tomura#tomura shigaraki#fanart
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so i drove two and a half hours to Miami and back by myself today and iâm a suPER proud cat atm from spending 4-5 years terrified to drive alone boom bAM today was another mile stone!!
I HECCCCCCCKIN DID IT
#casseesmeows#longest distance so far ive driven alone since before everything happened years ago#WE OUT HEre#CONQUERING OUR FEARS#ONE MILE AT A TIME MEOW MREOW
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I think the worst bit for me about all Those Sorts (you know the type) of fics is that they always take Della extremely out of character in order to make her the 'antagonist.'
And that sucks because it's just not necessary! It's the worst because you can have Della & Louie angst where Della's the 'antagonist,' and it's in-character.
You just have to have Louie be wrong in the end (kind of).
The reason why Della and Louie clash in Timephoon and Glomtales! isn't because Della 'disapproves of scheming in entirety' or something, it's because she's done the same goddamn thing as him.
(And side note- Timephoon is honestly an amazing piece of storytelling, because it allows us to see Della's thought process for taking the Spear of Selene by showing us Louie doing pretty much the same thing.)
She's been through it all before, and she knows how it ends.
And that fucking terrifies her! The idea that one of her kids is making the same mistakes as her, could go through the same thing as she did, and she's the only one who can see it, is terrifying.
The way to start out a story like this is simple; have an adventure go wrong. Not in a deadly way, not in a way that's caused by Louie (at least, not that anyone but him notices), not in a way that costs anyone their life- but in a way that causes them to lose the treasure. The adventure is a failure, and they have to come back empty handed, like New Gods on the Block.
Maybe some people get hurt, maybe it's vaguely Louie's fault (and even then- it'd be better if it wasn't even his fault, it's just his brain connecting patterns where there aren't any), but the most important part is that they don't get the treasure, and it's like- one of those ones that can only be found once every hundred years or something.
Louie feels responsible (I mean all of the kids do, but as it'd be a Louie story he'd be the one focused on) and upset that they want to all that trouble and don't have anything to show for it, so he tries to figure out some way to go on the adventure again.
Turns out, after a bit of research, there is a way to get to the treasure again! Louie brings it to Scrooge's attention excitedly- but Scrooge turns it down. Says it's too dangerous, that they're not doing it, end of story.
...Not end of story- everyone's still obviously miserable. So Louie decides that 'okay, if it's 'too dangerous,' then I'll just go in secret. It'll be fine, Scrooge is just overreacting.'
So he starts trying to put a plan into place to get the treasure in secret- but Della, somehow, seems to know what he's doing (hint: it's because she knows what she'd do if she was in Louie's shoes). And is consistently getting in his way.
And there you go- a perfect setup to have Della consistently and purposefully stepping on Louie's toes, getting in his way, trying to stop him from doing things, and it's even in-character! It'd probably start out with the two acting like everything's perfectly hunky-dory, even though both of them know that the other knows that they know that the other knows why they did this one thing.
As plans get deeper, it'd escalate to Della trying to actively call Louie out, but he always manages to just barely weasel his way out of it, and eventually commence his plan.
It obviously goes wrong. But Della's there to help. And finally she'd actually explain why the fuck she's been something of a thorn in his side for the past few weeks, why it seems like she knows what he's thinking: because she does.
Because she's been through the same thing.
Because she fucked up, and left her stranded on the moon for ten years, and she does not want that for her kid. (And of course everything could've been solved if she'd just sat down and talked to Louie about that at the onset, but it's Della- she only likes to bring up the moon when it's funny. She would've thought 'nah it's fine, I can handle this, I don't need to bare my soul, I shouldn't burden anyone with that' without realizing that oh yeah, no, that's the exact same thought process she doesn't want Louie to think)
And of course they'd argue, because it'd be a high-stress situation and neither of them would have the composure to pretend that everything's alright and they haven't been sniping at each other for the past week or so, and eventually it'd finally come up; eventually, they'd finally bring up that they thought the exact same thing when Louie did this, when Louie took the Timetub, when Della took the Spear.
'...And if anything goes wrong, at least I'm the only one who'll get hurt.' (Because you cannot tell me that that was not the last thought running through both of their heads when they took the timetub/Spear of Selene, you cannot convince me that they didn't think they were doing right by their families in that moment, that they hadn't done their due diligence and minimized risk down to one person.)
And Louie wouldn't understand, because he did the right thing. He minimized risk, he made sure nobody else would get hurt. But that's wrong- because if he got hurt, then Della (Donald, Scrooge, their family, her kids) would get hurt too. That they could fly into a vacuum all they wanted, but at the end of the day, they still didn't exist in one.
Eventually, they'd get out of there and abandon the mission again. Maybe they'd succeed, but probably not. But that's not important- what'd be important is that they were both safe and alive and okay.
There- a Della & Louie thing, extremely angsty, well Della as the 'antagonist,' and it's all in-character. Easy.
#ducktales#dt17#della duck#louie duck#the 'adventure that can only be done every hundred years with one extremely dangerous exception' can obviously be interchanged with a lot#all that's really necessary is that louie has a plan that he thinks is good for everyone#(and in order to make it good for everyone he does his best to make sure that he's the only one who'd get affected by it should it go wrong#and Della gets underfoot and messes with everything consistently and frustratingly without explaining anything for the longest time#(because she's terrible about actually opening up about the fact that yeah no she's fucked up)#(and she doesn't want to force that onto her kids or acknowledge it at all- at least if it's not a joke)#because she knows exactly what he's doing because it's what she'd do#and she knows what happened the last time she pulled that sort of stunt
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I was gonna post some storyboard scenes, but I only drew, like, three, and I like to post them in sets of more than that. So, instead, have a little doodle I did ages ago and then didnât post at all becauseâŠi dunno
Madeline thinks that Ruffnut is the absolute coolest person ever. Sheâs got a little baby idol crush on her. She squeals like a fan girl every time she sees Ruffnut, bounces for joy whenever the Dark Orca pirates have to work with the Dragon Riders for whatever reason, sheâll grab Ruffnutâs hand shouting âDIBSâ if they have to split up. Because to Madeline, Ruffnutâs the most amazing girl ever.
Because how could Ruffnut not be the coolest person ever? Madeline doesnât see how people donât think so. Look at Ruffnut! Sheâs got awesome hair. She rides a dragon, and an awesome one at that. Sheâs amazing at sabotage and pranks. She mouths off to any and all authority. She asserts her femininity every time someone assumes sheâs a dude. She kicks peoples butts wearing skirts, and broke someoneâs nose over a dress during a big sale at a market. AND, she knows stuff about Tidal Class Dragons! Madelineâs absolute most favorite class of dragon of all time! Immediately Ruffnut is the coolest person ever, with Ant being Madelineâs eventual second favorite Dragon Rider, because heâs around her age, her sabotage buddy, and he rides a Night Fury. Which is cool, Madeline supposes. But not as cool as Ruffnut-
#she has a rivalry with Ant because he IS admittedly cool to Maddie as well#he rides a NIGHT FURY. he has a FLIGHT SUIT. his shield is a CROSSBOW. he has an ACTUAL METAL LEG#LIKE A PIRATE#AND he bit her during their first fight. immediate respect#but Antâs a BOY. and heâs a DORK. heâs her RIVAL (and eventual bestie)#they send terror mails to one another about stupid things#they make stupid faces at each other behind the bigger members of their respective crews during stand-offs#and look away when the adults/older kids look at them to see what theyâre doing#Kariâs all right too because she took a broken oar to Rykers shin that one time#and her dragonâs fluffy and purple. which Maddie likes#but Ruffnut?#Ruffnut is Maddieâs hero. if she ever found a poster of Ruffnut sheâd hang it on her wall#her and Ant are not the same to Maddie#Ruffnut thinks Maddieâs joking at first#and then sheâs flattered#and then sheâs genuinely flattered and giddy because aside from her relationship with Kari#(which is different but they end up getting super close because theyrâe the only girls for the longest time)#thereâs now a little girl out there who thinks Ruffnutâs genuinely awesome and looks up to her like some sort of lady role-model#which has never happened to Ruffnut before#httyd/the deep crossover#httyd#ruffnut thorston#httyd ruffnut#mad madeline
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