#but they were also one of the first big mainstream shows to do it

[littlespoonevan]

don't know what it says about where i'm at mentally at the moment that i am legitimately considering rewatching glee

[riverofrainbows]

Eliot Spencer. Listen to me i am obsessed with the man. He is so incredibly stereotypically masculine, and hardcore so, yet at the same time really isn't in ways that would be damning for the 2000s and early 2010s. Long hair, not unusually tall, the most emotionally aware one and most in tune with his emotions on the whole team. (Not that the others don't also have points in that area, but they're all terrible at it in some way and Eliot scores by far the most points.) He has a hobby that's not James Bond like (cooking), and he gets to be goofy while being unquestioned as the most badass guy in the room. And yes he makes inappropriate jokes about lesbians and goes all no homo at physical affection from other men, and younger people probably don't find him quite as monumental as i do in terms of masculinity. But his behaviour never reflects those jokes or the no homo, and he was the red blooded american former military guy character on a big network tv show in the year 2009. For which he was a severely mild case. He treats the other characters as people and not stereotypes, in the way the whole show does, and he has long hair he puts up in ponytails and half buns that have his side bangs falling out (you need to understand what big of a deal the manbun was in like 2013, so much so that they had to invent a word). He's emotional and doesn't actually mean his gruffness most of the time, and doesn't thinks himself above certain tasks or people. He wears ridiculous little outfits without putting up a show about his threatened masculinity, and he's the most emotionally intelligent one outside of cons. He wears little jewellery in his hair sometimes, and little braids even (yes braided hair was a no go), he plays guitar and sings earnest love songs not just to try to get laid (love songs would only be permissible in the immediate context of romance), and whenever they have a young woman as a client, that reminds him of home i presume, he works with so much effort and respect for them as the one he's in service to, and respects their opinion strongly. He wears glasses, and reads books and is way too nerdy for an action hero type of the 2010s. He is great with kids, and unironically so (there were multiple big shows and movies about the topic of "men needing to deal with children on their own" with the entire premise of that being ridiculous and them being naturally bad at it). He's the most stereotypically action hero type masculine guy on the show, and he does get strive or posture for power or dominance in their team, is content with a contributing role and trusting on the expertise of the others, and he is not portrayed as the most valuable one or as that behaviour being beneath him. He undresses so he and the woman he's fighting with are on equal ground reading undress. He is shorter than the others and continuously portrayed as the most dangerous one in any room, and height differences afe never deemphasised via cinematography (seriously, to be regarded as sufficiently masculine in western films they either get really tall actors or employ a variety of camera angles and boxes to give that impression. But just think of Eliot in the pilot when rescuing Hardison in the first break in, standing behind the group of security guys who all look way taller than him and more physically impressive with weapons and all. And then Eliot just in a t-shirt with no weapon but himself.) He has long hair (again, mainstream sufficiently masculine guys didn't do that back then, or now if we think of it (not that long at least)).

The show and all it's characters were a goddamn marvel back in 2009, and sadly in many ways still are today, 15 years later.

And he heals my little broken heart regarding gender stereotypes and masculinity, my heart that grew up in the 2000s and has so much difficulty accepting that my gender is valid. Bless him for it.

[variousqueerthings]

okay I watched good omens s2 yesterday with my partner, and I was genuinely very surprised -- I think if you've grown up through superwholock/merlin/the 100/teen wolf type shows where (with the exception periodically of doctor who) you kind of had to make up the good show that something could have been in your head, that colours a lot of your viewing, and to be honest I thought season 1 of good omens was a fine little piece, honoured the book while modernising it somewhat, it was a nice, fun, low stakes time, with a couple of things I might have wanted a tad different but nothing overall awful.

so I was seeing all this meta and gifsets and discussion, while I was waiting to give s2 a watch with my partner and thought "ah, people have made up the good show in their heads again" not that I assumed s2 was going to be a bad show, but that people were taking extra deep plunges into possibilities, the way fandom does, and that was fine. I knew there was a big ol kiss, I had a sense of some kind of argument at the end, and that it was setting up a s3

I also knew that mainstream reviews were calling it (politely) self-indulgent and dependent on whether or not you enjoy david tennant and michael sheen having a good time for just under 6 hours

all in all, expectations of a somewhat mainstream show without too much to think about, a nice, fun low stakes time, moving on...

(EDIT: AND THEN I WROTE A LOT OF WORDS SO YOU CAN IMAGINE THAT MY REACTION WAS QUITE DIFFERENT)

as it turns out it seems these things that were being written on tumblr were discussing the actual text of the show and not things you could extrapolate if you squinted and tilted your head a little to the left as I'm so used to doing, so in fact there is much to think about!

and my first thought was "this is like when you read early discworld books that ask a question like a joke, only to find that over time the answer to that question becomes very serious (and also can be funny at times of course)." how terry pratchett would pick and pick at tropes and notions and social ideas and go "oh now hold on, this seems strange..." starting way back when he thought it was odd that women warriors always seemed to be dressed in metal bikinis and then realising he hadn't done a good enough job of subverting the trope, simply by depicting it and calling it a bit silly

why do goblins always get treated as the villains? what's with this divine succession of kings business? where are the female dwarfs? who do we treat as disposable?

good omens season one went: "haha what if heaven and hell were intensely incapable, bureaucratic, corrupt, and uncaring of the work they did, and we took an angel and a demon and had them actually care? wouldn't that be... a bit silly?" (and it was)

good omens season two went: "what are the consequences for caring when the people who have power over you are incapable, bureaucratic, corrupt, and uncaring? what are the forces that supersede systems built on fear, ignorance, and violent conformity? can people change and break out of/challenge/break down these structures by caring?"

and this was set up with a neat little sleight of hand (to reference aziraphale's switch-and-bait in the episode with the nazi zombies), because the majority of season 2 does feel a bit indulgent: hey, remember those two wacky angel-and-demon characters? watch some more wacky things they did through the ages, watch them take a sojourn through 1827 Edinburgh and do a magic show during the Blitz, and... stop the death of Job's and Sitis' children (actually maybe that whole segment ought to have been what they call "A Clue")

see them try to figure out a kooky mystery, all the while setting up a cute little same-gender romance on their street. watch as everything points towards a happy ending that's all about the two of them realising what they've been to one another all these thousands and thousands (and thousands and thousands) of years- but hold on. lest we forget - and the show has made this point over and over - there are powerful people who control them, who hurt them, and who plan on hurting others, throughout the whole season, and as it turns out they know what they've been to one another for far far longer, and know how to pull their strings...

season 2 then, has to show us these things, not because they're indulgent (well, maybe occasionally, but the apology dance is still important), but because in order to make the ending a tragedy, we first need to understand, properly, the impact that they have had on each other. we need to understand that Aziraphale relied heavily on Crowley to be his moral compass and leaned on black-and-white thinking in order to deal with things, because if it's all grey then where does he fit and what has it all meant and heaven has to be the good guys, even as Job's and Sitis' children are ordered to be killed, it's all he ever had...

and Crowley was always an anchor, needed to trust that Aziraphale was different, needed to bend to every whim that Aziraphale has, because otherwise what's his worth in all this? After having been already deemed worthless by the heaven that Aziraphale needs to believe in?

and that, simplistically described, is the narrative that we're seeing in s2, and alongside that the ways that the changes they have upon each other are noticed, and monitored, and placed under suspicion, and finally... broken up, not by the clumsy, brute force that's been attempted over and over again, but by a promise to return into a violent, controlling system and to "make it better from within"

and all of this is wrapped up in two queer relationships + a third queered-within-the-text relationship that creates the inverse of how it ends for Aziraphale and Crowley (so far). queer love -- whatever shape that has -- is explicitly the shape of non-conformity within this narrative, including within the symbolism of angel-and-demon love of Gabriel and Beelzebub, which in the context of the systems created is considered queer (and one can argue till the cats come home about casting cis actors, about angel-and-demon notions of gender/romance/sexuality, but the "queerness" comes from building something non-conforming to the systems they exist in), and enforced by the explicitly our-world-definition-of queer romance that Nina and Maggie have going on (which, while less high stakes, still contains the background controlling relationship that Nina initially is in)

all of this to say, that I disagree that s2 meanders, or that plotlines happen for the sake of showcasing Aziraphale and Crowley without purpose, or that characters get sidelined (I'd say it sets up a whole host of interesting characters to further get into actually), or that it's strictly mainstream easy-access narrative that's just an excuse for the main creators and actors to get back together.

the love is the point, and this show takes its time to show the love (and the unequal boundary-setting, and the fact that one of them has an undiscussed tragic backstory, and the desperation to belong again, and the fear instilled by oppressive systems, and and and), so that we understand why those last 15 minutes happen the way that they do

it's sleight of hand, and like all good magic, you don't notice until it's happened

[elliesgaymachete]

I think Game of Thrones damaged collective expectations for television media and is the reason for the decline of full length low budget seasons.

We all know HBO is high budget cable even before, but Game of Thrones was arguably the first time one of their shows became so massively, globally successful. People who had never consumed fantasy media in their lives were watching Game of Thrones. It became mainstream culture rather than nerd culture so your coworkers weren’t going to make fun of you for liking it. In fact, your coworkers probably watched it too.

Before this the only TV shows that achieved anywhere close to this level of popularity (and even then were not nearly as popular as Game of Thrones) were network shows, usually TV comedies. These were low budget and had full seasons! Things like HIMYM, Big Bang Theory, The Office. You either watched them or knew multiple people who watched them. Sometimes TV dramas also reached this level of popularity—Shondaland shows to name a few. Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, How to Get Away with Murder. Even if you didn’t watch them, you had heard of them. These were also network shows. Low budgets, 22 episodes. Not to mention network television is FREE so it has the potential to reach a much wider audience than cable.

But Game of Thrones exploded into common popularity. Even people who didn’t watch much television watched Game of Thrones. And you know what they had because it’s an HBO show? Insanely high budgets and 10 episode seasons. They were basically making ten short movies released as TV seasons. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that itself, it worked well for Game of Thrones. The problem is how its affected television production since then. Sure shorter seasons and miniseries have existed before, but it feels like they’ve been in an upward trend ever since Game of Thrones

Every studio with a streaming service wants to create the next mega popular phenomenon like Game of Thrones so they copy the formula. Big budget, shorter seasons. Quality over quantity. But in doing so they neglected the main format television has used for quite a while. Network seasons are fewer and far between with smaller budgets and shorter seasons so they can invest more in the high budget shows. And a few of them were good, but somewhere along the way, they lost sight of the quality part and throw microbudgets at shows for six episode runs and are surprised when no one gets invested after only six episodes when we used to get 22 episodes and since no one’s watching anyway they just cancel it without giving the show a chance to find its legs. If it happens to get a lucky with a second season but there’s not EXPONENTIAL growth in viewership? Cancelled. Why is no one watching tv anymore? Why does no one want to pay for our streaming service that releases maybe one show you like every other year? Why why why they ask when they ruined a perfectly good formula and make things less and less accessible

[applejuicewerewolf]

Just watched M27 (in cinema! That was cool!!) And oh boy, thoughts!

First of all, I was sooo excited to watch this anime movie in an actual cinema, with other people who were also there to watch an anime movie (in an actual real cinema). Idk, I often still feel like liking anime is something embarrassing, even tho it becomes more and more mainstream, so seeing 20 or so people who also openly announced that they liked it was amazing.

Now, to the actual content of the film:

Love Love LOVE Heiji and Kaito's dynamic here. He was so angry that he drove his fucking motorbike through a window!!

The fact that the KaiShin same face thing is something Heiji is surprised by is very weird, considering that he knew that Kaito always disguises as Shinichi in movies (and yes, the movies have their own continuity, see the fireworks-soccer-ball!!)

Additionally, I watched this film in the German dub. In German, Conan and Shinichi have the same VA, and Ksito has a different one. Still, Heiji makes a note of Kaito sounding similar to Conan (their German VAs do NOT sound similar!!!)

(On that note, they replaced the German VA for Kogoro and I am scared to google why :(( )

Also in the German introduction, Conan LITERALLY calls Kaito his "fated rival" ("schicksalhafter Gegenspieler"), which is very gay for the movie that completely reveals them as cousins.

Kaito feeding seagulls. Just that. It was funny. This is what happens when he has to leave his doves at home. He is a disney princess but only for birds.

Loved the scene where Kaito was attacked while on the ground and was shown to be out of his depth. Catch him on the ground and he is a wingless bird.

Additionally loved that scene because Heiji and Conan jumped in to save him. Their dynamic was so good, with Heiji attacking front and center, Kaito trying to shoot the attacker, and Conan coming clutch with his soccer ball. These three are so much fun together, and I love how throughout the movie they hunt Kaito in one scene, and work with him in the next.

They also alway immediately recognize his disguises??? That was hilarious. These three are one the same wavelenght and I'm all for it.

Oh speaking of disguises, I am VERY surprised nobody even mentioned Okita being the third same face triplet. Would've probably taken away from the KaiShin cousins reveal, I guess?

Minor mention: idgaf about Momiji and I never will. Useless character. Why does she even exist at all. Focus on the main characters...

Okay, I cannot keep quiet about it anymore. The entire "Ginzo gets shot" scene was THE BEST THING EVER. Kaito literally reliving the trauma of losing his parental figure again, and being unable to even SHOW IT OR VISIT HIM? Him having to silently watch as Aoko (MY GIRL IS ON THE BIG SCREEN I ALMOST CHEERED) is going through this all alone??? She probably was still in Ekoda. Did she get a phone call and was flown in to Hokkaido? WHERE THE FUCK IS MIDORIKO IN THIS?!?!?! GOD. This scene. I want 500 character studies of this scene on my desk by tomorrow morning.

That being said, with the Toichi reveal at the end, NOT ONLY did Kaito hide his emotions as he visited his mortally injured father figure in the hospital, his actual father was RIGHT THERE??? TOICHIIII YOU RAT BASTARD I WILL KILL YOU!

Why even WAS Toichi there. Legit. Ugh, I wanna do this in chronological order.

Anyways, AOKO SCREENTIME MY BELOVEEEEED

I feel like she was underused tho. Her only contribution was calling Conan Kaito's twin, and that was it. Feel like that's a running theme with DetCo focusing too much on random murder of the day and not its actual characters (something that also HIGHLY annoyed me during the Scarlet Schooltrip >_<)

Speaking of, that plotpoint was also kinda never mentioned again after the half point of the movie?

Coming towards the end of the story, the car chase with like 5 different parties through the city was hilarious. This is the stupid Shounen action I expect from DetCo movies (but not the stupidest Shounen action we'll get!)

As for the actual plot, I don't really care for that in DetCo movies, I'm more interested in the established characters doing fun and wacky shit.

Also so not a fan of the "murderer misunderstands or misreads a situation, making their murders pointless" storylines in DetCo. Tho M19 was probably the worst one in that reguard (girl what!)

Okay, so the Kendo guy. His mother died to a bombstrike, so he wants to blow up a mountain with lots of civillians on it. Because he's anti war. Girl what.

And now to the peak of Stupid Shounen Battles: swordfight atop a flying airplane, one of the combattants wears no shoes.

Absolutely LOVED Kaito catching Heiji midair. He does it with Conan, he did it with Heiji. Hakuba, you're next.

Sure, Iori just randomly DROPPED A FLASHBANG right in front of Heiji and Kazuha. Tho shout out to my girl Kazuha who was quick and smart enough to cover Heiji's ears as she "Get down Mr President"ed him.

At this point, shoutout to Ran. She gives it her all to make this Ship a thing. Loved her "casually but ominously deduce Heiji's true intentions" thing she did. Go be a love detective, honey!

Okay, the after credit scene. VERY NATURAL REVEAL you guys did there. Just casually have Yusaku suddenly say "yes, my wife whom I have been married to for at least 18 years, I have a twin brother i haven't seen in 2 decades." Wow.

HE REGULARLY TEXTS TOICHI??? TOICHI WHO FAKED HIS DEATH. THEY TEXT! THEY! TEXT!

YOUR SON BELIEVES YOU DEAD AND WANTS TO AVENGE YOU YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE

WHY WERE YOU THERE! WHY WERE YOU IN DIGUISE THIS ENTIRE TIME!

I HATE TOICHI EVEN MORE NOW WTF

Conan kill your uncle with a soccer ball please.

[determinate-negation]

Hollywood has made a lot of movies about the Holocaust, but not a single one has shown a romani perspective, even though half of Europe's roma population was exterminated by the nazis. I can't really think of anything coherent to say about this, do you?

because it is not of interest to western audiences and doesnt fit the pre-established popular narrative structures of mass culture relating to ww2. whats going to be a popular movie has nothing to do with the real magnitude or importance of something. the big space that ww2 and nazi movies occupy in mass culture also has little to do with the real history of the holocaust for any of its victims. in fact the holocaust was pretty absent from american consciousness post war, it wasnt seen as part of why the us was fighting ww2, survivors didnt talk about it, and it first started to enter popular american consciousness in a big way because of a nbc tv series in 1978 called holocaust about a fictional jewish family. and although this series was the first time many americans had even seen or heard of many aspects of the holocaust, it was still criticized for sanitizing the true extent of nazi war crimes and how horrific conditions were. all this is to say that very few of these popular culture representations really have to do with showing the full reality of something, there are calculations in terms of everything relating to the mass market for film and tv. theres on one hand a western fascination with the third reich (just go to any book store and see how many books there are about hitler) that i think motivates a lot of these representations and on the other hand the transformation of memory of the shoah into a political tool for us interests and the rise of the israel lobby in the us, thus american films are more likely to feature jewish narratives. jewish protagonists in world war 2 movies will likely be more relatable to an american viewer than roma people, straight up, because most mainstream holocaust films with jewish main characters are about middle class ashkenazi jews who lives are much like middle class americans. even though most of the jewish victims of nazism were poor religious eastern european jews. its the fear that it could happen to you, and thats less apparent if the story is about victims you cant relate to. also, theres a lot of jewish directors in america and not a lot of roma directors 🤷🏻

further reading:

The Culture Industry

[aangelinakii]

AWARDS NIGHT.

— butting heads with your fake boyfriend.

summary : your agent thought it would be a good idea for you, an actress, to date gotham's biggest billionaire to gain some more traction. the only deal is, you hate him, and he hates you just as much.

note : fem reader sorry guys ;( and also sorry it's quite short, i had an idea but hadn't fully fleshed it out !!! lmk if you'd like more of this !!

despite what the media portrayed, the truth was that you and bruce wayne were not the happy couple shown in the tabloids, front page, headlines. in fact, you weren't even a couple at all!

when the public began criticising billionaire bruce wayne for not having settled down yet well into his middle ages — at the same time as you — both your public relations teams decided to team up. big time billionaire and a-list actress, who would've thought?

no one even batted an eye at the slightly wobbly story your teams gave the press, they were just lucky for some "drama."

however, what they didn't know was how horribly the two of you got along behind the scenes.

dressed to the nines, you and bruce dazzled in the corner of the awards show after party, your newest trophy hanging under your arm, attention more focused on your "boyfriend's" incompetence, rather than the party thrown partly in your favour.

if anyone could see your red faces, the press would be having a field day.

you could picture the headlines now: bruce wayne and his award-winning girlfriend get into it at the after-party! trouble in paradise!? and whatnot.

everything you would rather not see being said about you after winning the award for best actress.

"do you ever stop thinking about yourself?" you chided, sending him the stinkiest stink-eye you could muster before moving to step away to the rest of the party.

but bruce's hand found your wrist, narrowly missing the bracelets slung there so as to not mark your skin, and you were stopped in your tracks. "hey," he scoffed back, a crease prominent in his forehead when you turned. "i'm not thinking about myself, i'm thinking about us."

this whole row had started because you were interested in having more than just a few drinks and finding a cute fellow actor to be scandalous with. bruce was not in agreement; your relationship was too mainstream for any silly actions to go unnoticed.

you didn't see it; your relationship wasn't even real in the first place, so why did it matter?

"who gives a shit about us?" the words seethed through your teeth like bombshells, trying to be as quiet yet as explosive as possible. you, for one, did not care. it was your agent's idea, along with his. just as long as the public believed it, didn't mean you and him had to.

at this, bruce's face hardened, but his grip on your wrist slackened. "i know very well that you don't like this arrangement — neither do i — but we're in public. just be normal for one night."

you scoffed a laugh in his face, relishing in the way your careless manner only tightened his jaw. "i'm the one with the award." and you pulled it from under your arm to wave beneath his nose. "i can behave however i want. and, technically, i'm a single woman, so i don't need — or have — a man telling me what to do."

with that, you were about to turn on your heel, sure bruce wouldn't pester you any more, when you heard a voice behind, and bruce's expression dropped.

"bruce! (name)!" when you turned, it was a magazine photographer you'd worked with before — he'd put you right on the cover of vogue — and was carrying his camera around his neck. "what the couple you're making tonight! care for a few snaps?"

plastering on the warmest smile you could, you glanced over at bruce graciously. "how about it, hun?"

bruce was quick in placing a firm hand on your waist, pulling you into his side. "we'd never miss a photo-opp, would we?" he chuckled, that million-dollar smile glinting under the chandelier lights.

automatically switching to couple mode, you leaned into him, eyes twinkling as they gazed into the camera lens directed at you.

"smile and look pretty," bruce's low voice gravelled into your ear, his minty breath brushing against the shell of it.

"oh, that won't be a problem," you whispered back, ventriloquism on point, smile barely cracking.

[dnpbeats]

Ive been seeing some big youtubers and creators announce (seperately) that they're going on tours, and a lot of of them are full on stage shows. These are people with tens of millions of followers each.

And then I think about the fact that dan and phil are the reason they can. Dan and phil completely pioneered the industry for online creators. They were the first youtubers to do a world tour of a stage show. First youtubers to show that they are actually professional enemtertainers and not just ameteur comedians. They were the first youtubers to have their own radio show in the uk. They were the success story that a lot of people built their success on the back of. If tatinof didnt work, it wouldve taken so much longer before online creators would've been taken seriously by venues as comedians/artists/entertainers. If internet takeover didnt work it would've taken so much longer for creators to be offered jobs in mainstream media, as tv/radio presenters, in documentaries, on gameshows etc.

Like yeah, it probably would've happened eventually anyway, but it happened a lot earlier than it would've bc of them. They were the first. And absolutely no one acknowledges that. No one even knows, except for them and us.

Even though dnp in 2024 are by far not the most prominent creators out there, I do think they have had one of the most successful careers of any youtuber/streamer out there. I think they achieved far more in terms of career success and opportunities with their 4-6million joint subscriber count than most of the people with 20million plus subs have, which is pretty cool. Their careers are not built on 5mins of fame. They have understanding of the industry, work ethic, and skill to ensure long careers, even if those careers morph over time. They wont be youtubers for ever, but they will be successful in whatever they do, that I am certain of.

Idk im just feeling emotions about them. Im proud if them. And im excited to see where they go.

NO NOTES ANON!!!!! this is all so true!

I have seen a lot of people mention the fact that d&p are not as popular as they used to be/don't get as many views as they used to as if it's a negative but I don't think it's bad at all, because of all of what you said. they were doing shit that no one else was doing! they paved the way for youtubers to break out of the yt sphere!! which is so amazing but also they were doing SO MUCH for so long. they were carrying the industry on their backs lmao. so now I'm so happy for them that they have the opportunity to chill out and just do what they wanna do. they're just making the content they wanna make and they aren't concerned with how many views they're getting or trying to remain relevant (which I think they still are, but yk what I mean), and they deserve that. because while everything they did was awesome and should absolutely be celebrated, I think it's great that now they have the opportunity to create more casually and they don't need to worry about doing numbers. like yes yt is still their livelihood but in a much more laid-back way yk? and I think that because they did so much, and like you said have understanding of the industry and a good work ethic, that's what allowed them to build a fanbase that has stuck around and that fanbase is why they can be more relaxed now

I agree they might not be youtubers forever but I'm also excited to see what projects they eventually move on to bc they'll slay fs

[0nlythrowharrybeaux]

Champion of the World **^

Part 2 of Music Producer! Harry blurb as requested in the notes by @totodiamond :) I just did a proper one shot for it.

Warnings: Oral (f receiving), fingering, sex, mentions of death and loss, cheating.

WC: 9k

LAST WARNING... If you haven't read the BLURB first you can do so here.

The reception of Y/N’s band’s new album was expected to be pretty promising. Granted, their music wasn’t “mainstream”, but Harry had insisted that they have 2 singles on the album to get them more on the radar and well, it had worked. Their second single had a more indie-pop feel and swept the nation thanks to a TikTok posted by their label. Because of it’s popularity it really helped hype up the anticipation for their album release and it was projected to do really well. They were also projecting that the second single would be the “song of the summer”. And well, they would start to tour in August so they would be busy from August until next May. 

The topic of tour seemed to be the most frequently asked question as she navigated through the room at the album’s launch party. This was their first headlining tour, they had opened on a few tours for several shows with their EP and first album, but this was the big one. Their self-titled album. Because this is how they made a name for themselves. It was a lot to take in and the more people asked the more overwhelmed Y/N felt. There were people everywhere and she was slowly starting to get anxious and she just needed a little break so she headed outside to catch some fresh air. When she got out there someone was smoking off to the side and the scent just called to her. She hadn’t smoked in years, but she was feeling nostalgic, so she went up to him and bummed a cigarette off of him before the man headed inside. She had just taken her first drag and it felt so familiar that she smiled to herself.

“Seriously?” She heard and immediately recognized the voice and turned to her right to see Harry walking over to her with a disbelieving smirk on his face. She was partially hidden behind a giant palm planter for this very reason, she didn’t want a scolding from anyone about her smoking. She knew cigarettes were gross and bad for you, but she was feeling nostalgic when the scent reached her nose and she gave in just this once.

“I know, I know…but I haven’t smoked in maybe 4 years, it’s just this once. Don’t narc me out to Richard.” She said to Harry of their manager as he stopped before her, still smirking.

“Gimme that.” He said extending his hand to her and she frowned.

“Fine. Just one more though.” She said to him and he laughed softly.

“Relax, I’m not gonna put it out. Nor will I narc you out.” He said to her lowly and she smiled at him as she passed it on over, “D’you mind?” He asked as he raised it to his mouth and she shook her head.

“Go for it.” She assured and he proceeded to put the filter between his lips and inhaled for a few seconds before letting the smoke flow out from between his slightly parted lips as he exhaled.

“Wow, I haven’t smoked in ages either.” He said to her with a smile, “It’s as awful and comforting as I remember.” He added and she chuckled.

“Yeah…” she agreed.

“I promised myself I’d never do that again…thanks.” He joked and she shrugged.

“I’m sorry for tempting you. I’ve heard that I tend to bring out the worst in people…” she apologized with a half smile on her face.

“No you don’t.” He shook his head, “You bring out the wild side in people, but it’s only because you’re so effortlessly cool and yourself. Like people want to impress you. I’ve seen it with my own eyes.” He said and she smiled.

“Is that what this was? You trying to impress me?” She teased him.

“No, I have some dignity.” He countered with a grin and she laughed loudly as he chuckled, “Nah, I saw you walk out in a bit of a rush and just wanted to make sure you were alright.” He explained, “So are you alright?”

“Yeah, it just got a little overstimulating in there. Too many lights and voices and questioned and smells…it was a lot.” She said and he hummed as he took another drag before handing the cigarette back and she immediately took a drag.

“Oh, the shitty parts of acquiring fame…”

“Yeah.” She giggled as the smoke billowed out of her mouth. He started at her lips for a few seconds as she glanced off somewhere else. Her lips were slightly swollen and looked so smooth and juicy from whatever product she had on them. He’d been dying to kiss her for months, but he didn’t want to start anything with her while they were actively involved in a professional relationship. 

“Are you excited for the tour?” He asked after a few beats of silence. And she wasn’t annoyed when he asked about it, but maybe it’s because it was him.

“Yeah, we already start rehearsals next week! I think we need to re-work the setlist though…but we’ll see once we run the full show through.”

“Are you guys rehearsing here?”

“Yeah, we’ll stay in LA.” She confirmed, “What’s next for you?”

“I’m not sure. I’ve got a couple offers on the table for different gigs, just not sure what to choose.” He confessed and she hummed.

“Well which one has you most excited?” She asked and he bit his lip pensively.

“Ummm…I’ve been approached to compose for an indie film…” he said and she gasped in surprise.

“Oh? That’s so cool, Harry!”

“Yeah.” He smiled, “I haven’t really done any original compositions since…maybe grad school?” He said with a questioning expression, “So it’s not out of my skillset, but I’m definitely out of my depth and out of practice. I’m sure I’m rusty, but it’s something different than what I’ve been doing the last few years, you know? So it seems the most exciting and challenging.”

“Yeah. That’s really sick. What’s the storyline? If I can ask.” She said and he nodded.

“Yeah, ummm, it’s one of those dystopian love stories…so like the world’s gonna end in a few weeks and we’re all gonna die and it’s about like making peace with yourself and living in the moment, finding the beauty in the tragedy…that kind of thing. I really liked the script, it’s so realistic and well written. I’ve even considered going for one of the lead roles.” He said to her and she smiled.

“Oh? Acting too?”

“Yeah.” He chuckled timidly.

“Well aren’t you multitalented!” She smiled as he smiled bashfully, “Well, it sounds really cool, definitely sounds like something I’d watch. If only to hear your compositions.” She said and he smiled.

“Hey, if I say yes maybe you can sing on a track.” He suggested and she smiled.

“Yeah, I’d be down.” She assured as she flicked the ash off of her cigarette before taking another drag and exhaling, “Do you want another?”

“Yeah, last one.” He said and she chuckled as she passed it over to him. Once he took his drag he held it out to her.

“I’m good. You can kill it or…kill it.” She said and he smiled as he stepped over to the little ashtray over the garbage bin and extinguished what was left of the cigarette before stepping back over to her.

“So, should I keep myself open for your next album or has the illusion of having me produce your albums died?” He asked with a grin and Y/N laughed aloud at his question before biting down on her lip to suppress a smile.

“Ummm, I’d say keep yourself open…I think I need to give you a fair shot.”

“Oh… OK.” He smiled contently, “Good. I’ve got some really great ideas for some of the songs we cut from this album that can help kind of establish your sound for the next one.” He said.

“Geez…already? Everything moves so fast here.”

“You’re definitely not in Kansas anymore…” he smiled at her and she rolled her eyes playfully, “Don’t roll your eyes, you know you want to laugh.” He said to her and she finally did but shook her head.

“I’m not even from Kansas! I just went to school there!”

“Yeah, but the rest of your band is, and it was formed there, so whether you like it or not, you’re now from Kansas - well according to Wikipedia you are - so the joke works.” He said smugly.

“You wikipedia-ed me?”

“Well, I wiki-ed the band before I agreed to work with you guys. You’ve seriously never googled anything about me?” He asked her incredulously.

“Eh, kind of…I mean, I googled narcissistic personality disorder, to see if you met the criteria for it…” she said and he laughed loudly and she smirked, “When I realized that I was reaching, I googled your birthday and discovered you’re an Aquarius, and well…that explained a lot. Like how you’re so great at your job but also a control freak and kind of a dick.” She teased and he shook his head.

“I see how it is…” he hummed in mock offense and she reached out for his arm, her hand rested against his bicep.

“I don’t think that of you anymore, just to clarify. It was before when I was still mad at you. I’m sorry. You’re perfectly normal according to the DSM-5.” She assured giving him a small, reassuring squeeze and he grinned.

“Yeah, thank you for stating the obvious.” He chuckled as her hand started to slip away from him and he grabbed it in his, which made her look up into his eyes. Her heart rate starting speeding up as her eyes met his own before he glanced down at her hand, “This is nice.” He said to her as his thumb grazed over the sunburst ring on her middle finger. She looked down as well and felt her tummy flutter at his innocent, but very intimate gesture.

“Thank you. My sister gave it to me.” She replied, her hand still in his. He hadn’t made a move to let go and she hadn’t made a move to pull her hand away from his either, so their eyes met again as their hands came down, still connected by their middle fingers being hooked together. The tension and electricity buzzing between them was extremely obvious.

“It’s gonna be weird not seeing you guys every day.” He said to her and she smiled.

“Yeah…everyone’ll miss you, if that’s any consolation.” She said with a small smile and he smiled down at the ground and asked his question before he could talk himself out of it.

“What about you? Are you gonna miss me too?” He inquired before looking back into her eyes and she smiled bashfully.

“Gee, I don’t know…what do you think?” She asked playfully and he chuckled.

“I mean can you blame me for asking? Your messages and feelings towards me are kind of hard to read.” He said and she hummed as she bit her lip pensively and then glanced up to his eyes before placing her hands on chest and tiptoeing to graze her lips over his. Her eyes flickered up to his.

“Does this clear things up for you?” She asked with a soft smile and he smirked.

“Ummm, it’s still a little murky.” He teased.

“Oh yeah?” she responded quietly and he hummed teasingly, “Let me make it clearer then.” She whispered before pressing her lips to his. His hands immediately found their place at her waist as hers slithered up to loop around his neck. Their soft and playful kisses soon turned into languid and hungrier kisses as the seconds passed them by in their dark little hiding place.

Harry now had Y/N up against the wall with one hand around the back of her neck and the other against the wall as he sank his teeth into her bottom lip before sliding his tongue in against her own. Her beautiful, breathy moan made his ears perk up and ring. It was such a beautiful and sensual sound, he wanted to put it on a track; layer it in somewhere and commemorate it as the beautiful and artistic sound it was. Her index fingers were hooked into his trouser’s belt loops, keeping him as physically close as she could. She wanted to disappear into the night with him and see where they ended up. The tension between them had been building for months and well, they hadn’t seen each other in a few weeks after they finished production on the album, so she assumed that the tension would dissipate with time. But she was discovering that hadn’t affected her longing for him, not even a little bit. 

“Do you wanna get out of here?” He asked her quietly, and admittedly with a smidge of uncertainty, as his nose skimmed down the length of hers in a delicate and playful gesture.

“Yeah.” She whispered and nodded her head in a double confirmation to him that she wanted to be alone with him.

“Alright.” He smiled against her mouth and she smiled as well before he grabbed her hand and pulled her around the building towards where he parked. He was given a spot right out back instead of having to valet, which would be a waste of precious time with her. So they hurried around to the back and they got inside and took off. He was in his classic, white Mercedes with the top down, so when they were leaving, they were inevitably papped. And as much as she tried to keep her head down to avoid being recognized as the woman in his car any comparison in outfit would easily prove that she had in fact left her own launch party with Harry, her producer.

“God, they’re everywhere!” Y/N griped as they finally got on the main street and were stopped at the traffic light.

“And there’s more.” He said to her as he cocked his head to the people who had followed them on the sidewalk up to the light and were snapping pictures of them in the car.

“Jesus.” She huffed.

“Wait, where’s your stuff?”

“Oh I didn’t bring anything with me, just myself.”

“Not even your wallet or phone?”

“No, I mean, food and drink were provided and every person that I would be texting was there tonight.”

“Richard forbid you from bringing your phone, didn’t he?” Harry asked with a smirk and she sighed.

“OK, yes, he did…he said something about me sulking in the corner all the time or whatever.”

“You do look very unapproachable when you’re on your phone. You’ve got this like…broody, angry face going on.” He said trying to mimic it and she laughed loudly before they took off as the light turned green.

“That’s not my angry face, if anyone should be familiar with my angry face it’s you.” She reminded and he chuckled, “S’my concentration face. Like sometimes I get ideas and I start writing them in my notes or other times I’m reading a book or an article and it’s like so loud that it takes extra willingness to concentrate.” She explained and he smiled at her.

“Well maybe don’t read at parties.” He suggested and she glanced at him incredulously.

“If I don’t read at parties how will I maintain my reputation as mysterious and elusive, Harry?” She asked jokingly and he grinned.

“You’re so annoying.” He muttered as she giggled beside him.

“So where are we going?” She finally asked and he turned to her.

“Ummm, wherever you want to go.” He shrugged and she hummed pensively.

“Take me to…a place that means a lot to you.” She said and he chuckled.

“Here?!” He asked and she nodded, “God...this is my home, tons of places mean a lot to me.” He chuckled as he thought about it, “OK, I’ve got it. Hang on!” He warned with a big smile as he sped up and just made it onto the 405-S ramp. 

Y/N’s hair was whipping back with the wind as they sped down the freeway. He was blasting Rhiannon by Fleetwood Mac which made her feel like she was the main character because before he played it he said it was dedicated to her elusiveness and mysteriousness, which she appreciated. Soon he was signaling to get off on La Cienega and as they continued driving down the street she saw the giant Randy’s Donut donut and she gasped.

“You know, I’ve  never actually been here before! Is this where we’re going?” She asked happily and he chuckled.

“It’s not, but we can stop if you want?”

“It’s alright.”

“You sounded so excited, like you wanted to stop. So I’m gonna stop.” He said as he started to slow down as they approached the entrance and she smiled at him.

“Well, if you insist…” she hummed and he chuckled. They found a spot to park and walked over to the window. It was 10pm but there were still a few people in line waiting to be served.  “What do you get?” She asked him.

“Usually the maple raised, wheat and honey cake, or the red velvet one if I’m feeling particularly fancy.” He said to her and she smiled.

“That does sound good…” she said as she peeked around a few people to get a better look at the menu displayed on a big screen inside. “They have a fruity pebbles one.” She gasped.

“Such a child.” He joked.

“I didn’t say I was going to get it. Fruity pebbles are just super nostalgic and they smell amazing.” She defended.

“That’s true, they do smell divine…”

“Oh, they have blueberry…that’s it. That’s the one I want.”

“OK.” He chuckled. 

As they stood in line Harry couldn’t help but notice that a few guys in the other line were ogling her a bit too much for his liking. They were obviously young since they were being obnoxious and loud, trying to get her to turn around, but she didn’t seem to be taking the bait. He leaned in closer to her and grabbed her hand, which caught her by surprise and she glanced up to him and he smiled down at her. 

“Is this OK?” He asked her lowly and she nodded as she scooted a little closer to him as a light breeze blew over them and made her shiver. She was in a thin little party dress and her platform boots and the night was only getting colder, they were due for more rain over the weekend. He wasn’t even wearing a jacket he could offer her so he just pulled her in front of him and hugged around her waist. He couldn’t help but smile as her hands came up to his and she slotted her fingers in between his. She smiled as his warmth pressed into her back  and she just leaned her weight back on him. He leaned down a bit to reach her ear before he spoke, “That’s what I mean when I said people are always trying to impress you.” He said quietly and her body shook with a giggle.

“How is being obnoxious impressive?”

“I literally have no idea.” He chuckled as they moved up in the line.

“Hi, I’m so sorry to interrupt.” They heard from beside them and turned to see a younger girl and her friend standing a few feet away, “We really like your album.” One of the girls said with a nervous smile.

“Oh! Thank you so much! I really appreciate it.” Y/N smiled happily, but she kept her voice down as Harry let her go so she could talk to the girls who started gushing about how pretty she looked. Which they were right, she looked beautiful. 

Well, to Harry she always did, but she did just a little bit more when she had events and things to do. Often times he felt that when people did themselves up for events they went so overboard that they barely even looked like themselves, but not Y/N. She had mastered this effortless look that proved that a little goes a long way; she was almost ethereal. He liked that she didn’t care to hire a glam team to turn her into another Hollywood starlet clone; she and the rest of the band did most of their looks themselves. He recalls that at the BRITS earlier in the year she was crammed between him and Kassie, smearing some eyeshadow onto her eyelids and getting on her mascara just minutes before they would have to walk the carpet. Witnessing that made him like her even more. That was what drew him to them in the first place, their authenticity, and well if anyone was a champion of unapologetically being your authentic self it was her. She made everyone feel good about exactly who they were and he loved that about her.

“Harry, would you mind taking a picture for us?” She asked him and he shook his head.

“Course not.” He smiled as one of the girls handed over her phone to him. He took several and then handed it back.

“Can we get one with both of you too? You’re like a total icon.” The girl said to Harry and he shook his head bashfully.

“Hardly.” He said to her humbly as Y/N asked the person ahead of them to take their picture. After they got a few pictures the girls said their goodbyes and got back into the line. As soon as she and Harry stepped up he boxed her in between his body and the counter. “Hi, can I get a blueberry cake, red velvet cake, and a…large? Crewneck?” He said to the woman at the window and she nodded.

“What color for the crewneck? We have gray and navy blue.” She said.

“What color?” He asked Y/N softly and she glanced between him and the cashier.

“Oh! For me?”

“Yeah, you’re shivering and I don’t have anything in my car.” He said to her and she smiled at him.

“Ummm, I’ll get the gray one.” She said to the woman who nodded and then gave them the total before rushing off to grab their stuff. “I’m paying you back.”

“Absolutely not. This is your first time here, so think of it as a commemoration gift.” He said to her and she shook her head. “And if you ever try to pay me back I will return it to you in pennies.” He said and she laughed as she shook her head.

“You’re something else.”

“I know, love. I know.” He hummed.

“Here you are!” The woman said as she returned with the sweater and a baggy with their donuts.

“Thank you!” He and Y/N said simultaneously before walking off to the side. “Gimme these.” Harry said grabbing the donuts from Y/N and he gripped the bag between his teeth as he helped pull the crewneck over her head as she got her arms into the sleeves. Yes, it was oversized on her, but crewnecks were meant to be baggy, they just were. It was a bit long as well, it was a bit shorter on her than the dress she was wearing and it made him wonder what she’d look like in his own clothes. He liked wearing oversized things just as much as everyone else, so he’d imagine that she’d look absolutely swallowed and adorable in his hoodies. They walked back to his car hand in hand before they each had to get into their own sides and as they sat down she turned to him.

“I have to tell you something.” She said and he looked a little bit concerned but nodded, indicating for her to go on. “I really, really love that you don’t open the car door for me.” He looked at her with narrowed eyes, “I swear I’m not being a smart ass or sarcastic. Like when guys do that it just…bothers me because like…. I have functioning arms, you know? Like I can do that myself, I don’t need help! And it’s not like one of those general polite things, like holding the door open for someone who’s behind you! Like that makes sense, because it’s more than one person coming through the door! But in the car only one person can get into the passenger side so why does someone else even think to touch my door?” She asked and he chuckled.

“I can see you’re very passionate about this.” He grinned and she sighed and nodded.

“Yes. Yes, I am…for some weird reason. It’s just relieving and it just might be by favorite thing about you.” She decided and he grinned.

“Seriously? My unwillingness to participate in benevolent sexism is your favorite thing about me?” He asked for clarification and she smiled.

“Yes.” 

“It can’t be anything else?” He asked and she rolled her eyes up as she hummed pensively.

“Mmmm… no. That’s it.” She confirmed and he chuckled.

“I’ll check again at the end of the night if that’s your favorite thing about me.” He said smugly and she turned to him with a grin.

“What’s that supposed to mean? What are you insinuating?” She questioned and he smirked.

“You’ll see…” he hummed as he started the car and they took off. They only drove a few more minutes before Y/N saw the Sizzler’s on her left and then the Forum right up ahead. “Oh…interesting.” She said and he smiled at her.

“Yeah.” He said to her and she hummed, really anxious now to see why this particular place meant a lot to him. They kept driving straight and went around the back of the lot and he wheeled to a stop. It was desolate tonight, which was rare. He put the car in park and she turned to him and he smiled.

“So when I was 14 we came here on a family vacation. Like my parents and sister and aunt and uncle cousins…I’m the baby of the family by the way.” He disclosed and she smiled as he shared this, “So…my oldest cousin discovered that Coldplay had a show and he’d missed their show in England and he wanted to go. My sister was also a fan and I mean, I was too.”

“Yeah, it’s Coldplay!” Y/N said and he chuckled.

“Exactly! So my cousin convinced the adults to let us get tickets, they didn’t want to bring me along because I was the youngest, but I wanted to go. Anyway, saw Coldplay, my first concert ever.” He said and she smiled, “And afterwards we were waiting to get picked up, but my stepdad got lost and ended up going another way so we were just hanging out, right over there because it was well lit.” He pointed to where the trailers and trucks were usually set up, “My cousin and sister went up to see the merch and I just waited there, with my other cousin like they told me to.” He recalled, “And then out of nowhere a couple girls started panicking and Chris and Will walk on over to say hello.”

“No way!” Y/N giggled with surprise and he nodded.

“Yeah! And he was so kind to everyone. I didn’t have anything with me to get a photo or an autograph. But I was the only child there so he gravitated my way, asked where I was from and he was happy to hear that we were from England. And me being the brazen kid I was, I told him I also sang and wanted to start a band with my friends from school, like they did. And he told me that he was rooting for me, to believe in my music, and to never give up on my music. And…so I never did.” He finished his story and she was smiling so brightly. His story was so wholesome it made her eyes well up, that was so beautiful! What an experience to have with someone.

“That’s so amazing, Harry. Like so fucking cool!” She said with excitement and he hummed and nodded.

“I got really lucky that night.” He said softly “And well, whenever I get stuck or feel insecure or like I’m losing my touch I come here and it reminds me to never give up on my music. To continue believing in myself…so that’s why this place means a lot to me.”

“And well, you’ve produced for Coldplay now. Did he remember you?” She asked and he chuckled.

“He kind of did, mostly because I was a British child at one of their LA shows.” He said as they laughed softly, “He didn’t remember what we had spoken about or anything specific. And I did tell him and thank him because, if he hadn’t said that to me I’d definitely be in a whole other world, you know? It was cool and so fucking unreal for someone like me to have that full circle moment that so many people never get.” He expressed and she nodded, “And you know, those of us that get to spend our lives drowning in our passion, making art, literally getting paid to live and experience the best life has to offer just so that we can commemorate it with our art…like we’re so fortunate and so fucking lucky. It’s hard to remember that sometimes with the dark sides of this industry or even just the fame. But this is the best thing that will ever happen to you, Y/N. And what you do now that you have this platform matters more than ever. And that’s why I like you and the band, you guys are so down to earth, you’re in it for the art, you’re in it to have fun, you’re all so genuine and yourselves…never change that. Because as long as you stay in tune with yourself, even when you get stuck or feel like giving up, you’ll find your way back.” He said with certainty. And as he looked back to her she was watching him intently and then nodded in understanding at what he’d just advised. “Sorry, that got super deep, super fast-”

“It’s alright. I mean, we were bound to get deep when I asked you to bring me someplace meaningful to you.” She said and he shrugged and smiled.

“True…”

“And I know that I’ve got this like look about me that screams “I learn on my own” and “I don’t care what anyone says”, but it’s just that, a look. I promise that after the whole thing with Dr. Auclair I started taking in and listening and considering everything you’ve said to me. So I just want you to know that I listened to what you’ve just said to me, and thank you because after feeling so overwhelmed by everything tonight I just… I really needed to hear that. And I’m not going to forget it.” She shared and he smiled as he reached for her hand she smiled as he slotted their fingers together. “H, hand me the aux.” she said and he grabbed his phone and gave it over and she turned the phone away from him to type something out and then she locked it before grabbing his hand again and second later “Champion of the World” started to play over the car’s speaker and he smiled down at his lap before turning his head to look at her.

“Nice one.” He said softly and she smiled brightly at him. She was in love with the way he was looking at her in this moment. Her smile slowly started to fade as she just took him in intently. She was memorizing the details of his perfectly sculpted face, memorizing the indecipherable feeling he was emitting through his eyes. Whatever it was, it was undoubtedly a good feeling. She started to lean in and he joined her in the middle as their lips met with blazing passion as these big, beautiful emotions surged through and between them. “Do…” he paused as his lips smashed into hers once more, “d’you wanna…go back t’mine?” He rushed out with his exhale before their lips met again. He felt her nod ‘yes’ but he wanted to hear her say it. He need to, so that he knew for a fact that he wasn’t imaging that Y/N, this marvelous and radiant person, wanted him too. “Hmmm?” He insisted.

“Yeah.” She mumbled, “Take me home.” She said quietly. It was so hard to tear away from her after she said that to him.

It was just a 20 minute drive to his house in the hills and the whole time they held hands. Once they got there they wasted no time in getting inside and to his bedroom. They were undressing on the way there. It was giggly and clumsy because for some reason she was leading while Harry called out directions to her, but her unfamiliarity with his space was showing as she bumped into things along the way. When she finally got to his room he picked her up from behind and flung her onto his bed. She shrieked as she landed on the mattress with a muted thump. Harry soon climbed over her and kissed her through his smile.

“You’re so fucking pretty.” He hummed into her lips and she smiled. “I can’t get over it.” He exhaled before they started making out again. 

Y/N whimpered as his erection rubbed over her dribbling pussy. Well, over her panties, but she was so sensitive that he might as well have been rubbing himself bare through her folds. A wave of warmth pulsed through her body as his lips moved down her neck. She arched her back as he started to snake his hands under to get her bra unclasped. He did so quickly and dexterously before pulled it away from her body and sucked her nipple into his mouth. She hummed with pleasure as the other was fondled with intent. He wasn’t being delicate with her and she loved that. 

“Oh fuck…” she chuckled as he bit down on her nipple for a few seconds before sucking it hard. She was so wet for him that she was squirming as her cunt throbbed and pulse with need, “Harry. Harry, please.” She keened as she tried to find his hips with her own, “Need you inside. I need to feel you so bad.” She muttered into the dark as he sucked his mark on her breasts.

“Need me, baby?” He asked her before continuing to kiss down her body.

“Yes. Yes, I need you so bad…fuck.” She groaned as he kissed over her clothed cunt. He patted her thigh and she lifted her bum and he dragged her panties down her legs as he kissed right over her clit before licking through her slit and flicking her little bud a few times. “Harry, fuck that’s so good!” She whimpered. His licks started getting heavier and languid, sloppier even. She could feel his stubble and mustache tickling her already hypersensitive pussy as he moved his head from side to side with intent. Y/N tangled her fingers in his hair as she thrusted up to his mouth, grinding herself against him. She noticed that he grew more whiny and vocal as she used him and tugged at his hair and it made her even more aroused.

“You like when I use you to get off?” She asked and his lips turned up in a smile as his eyes fluttered up to hers, “I’ll take that as a yes.” She hummed before biting her lip and moaning, “Fuck, that’s perfect!” She praised him as he sucked her clit, brushing his tongue over it each time he’d suck it in, “Fuck…” She sighed with a smile, “y’suck my clit so good.” She panted as her tummy tightened deliciously with pleasure, “You’re gonna make me come!” She whimpered and he moaned against her, causing her toes to curl as her walls started to pulse hard and fast as she vibrated from the inside out. “Oh fuck!” She shrieked as Harry sunk two fingers into her without a warning and started to fuck her in time with his sucks on her clit. Not slowing down for a moment as she started to come.

Her hips wriggled around and her back arched as she trembled as he pulled yet another orgasm out of her without even letting her come down form the first one. Her ears were ringing and she was covered in goosebumps as the waves of pleasure rippled through her. Finally he started to slow down and then gently eased his fingers out of her.

“Taste so good, baby.” He hummed against her mound before kissing and crawling back up to her mouth. As soon as he was within reach she crashed her mouth onto his.

“That was the best head…holy fucking shit. That thing you did with the sucking and the tongue?!” She expressed with a bewildered smile.

“Enough to update your favorite thing about me?” He asked with a grin and she hummed pensively.

“I think not.” She said and he chuckled and shook his head.

“You’re such a turd.”

“Thank you.” She grinned and he chuckled. “Harry?”

“Yeah?”

“I like still want to have sex with you. Like really badly.” She said and his eyes widened as he chuckled.

“Yeah, ummm, sorry I was just giving you a little break.” 

“I don’t take breaks.” She hummed as he leaned over to grab a condom from his bedside table.

“Well, good to know.” He smirked as he knelt up to get it on himself as she repositioned herself against his pillows. Watching him roll down the condom with lustful eyes and a kiss-bitten lip held down beneath her teeth. He was so fucking perfect that it was almost physically painful. And well, Y/N could admit that he was also perfect inside, like where it counted. She pressed herself to sit up and pushed herself up to pull his head down to meet him in a deep and searing kiss. He let himself fall into it and continued his task blindly. When he shifted above her she laid back down as he guided his cock down to her entrance where he gently prodded at her leaking and tight little hole a handful of times before he surged into her. His thick cock pushed her walls apart as he glided in, in one fluid motion.

“Harry!” She gasped, back arched and body tense as he plunged in to the hilt with very little resistance, “Mmmmm you’re so deep!” She whimpered lowly.

“S’that where you wanted to feel me, baby? Are you getting what you wanted? What you need from me?” He asked and she nodded.

“Yes, Harry…” she sang breathily as he started to pulse his hips, his tip nudged into her g-spot over and over and over, her breath was hitching and her legs trembling.

“Fuck, you’re squeezing so hard…” he hummed in delight, “Come for me, baby. Cream on my cock.” He panted and she moaned loudly at his filthy words as she came undone. She was coming so hard, she’d never had an orgasm solely from having her g-spot stimulated, it was game changing. A pressure had formed inside of her that she had never felt before, but it was as he had said, that’s exactly where it ached for him and he was satiating that perfectly.

His thrusts slowed down as she settled from her orgasm, but he kept going, slow and deep, not really letting the entire feeling fade. Extending and milking the pleasure for her as far as humanly possible. And it was happening as he groaned and picked up his pace. When he started going he knocked his head back and grunted with each deep pump of his cock into her. She was so wet, the sounds of her arousal sopping her up for him were unreal, she’d never been that wet before. She was certain of it. 

“I’m so close. Getting so close.” He groaned lowly as his hips started to snap harder with each dip into her pussy. One of his hands slid up from her waist to her breast, kneading it and playing with it as he brought them both closer and closer to the final orgasm. She was a fucking goddess, he wanted to obsess over her until he had learned every single detail of who she was. “Fuck, rub your little clit. Want you to come with me.” He said and she immediately did as he said. Her orgasm started to build at double speed than before. She was quickly right on the edge with him, holding on just a little bit more, trying to get the most out of this moment together until their bodies demanded their climax. “Oh shit…oh…oh… fuuuuuck.” He grunted before he started to moan as his orgasm overcame him. His desperate thrusts and gorgeous sounds pushed her over the edge. The fact that he was vocal enhanced everything for her, it brought a feeling of pleasure to her that she’d never experienced. As they lay there in satisfaction, recovering from those incredible, earth shattering orgasms she spoke up.

“I like that you’re not shy with your sounds. It’s really attractive.” She hummed as she ran her finger nails down his arm that was draped over her body.

“You know, I usually am more of a heavy breathing kind of guy. But with you being how you are, I don’t know, I just felt like I didn’t have to hold anything I felt back.” He said and she smiled.

“Yeah…you can, do that with me, you know? For like anything you need…Not hold back I mean.” She added, “You can not “hold back” with me anytime and for anything.” She rephrased and he was just smirking as she tried to un-confuse herself. She only stopped when she felt his body shaking before he burst into laughter.

“I got what you meant the first time, baby.” He assured and she shook her head as she laughed. “And I want that for you too. To not hold back with me.”

“OK. I won’t.” She smiled as she confirmed this to him.

After that night everything between Y/N and Harry changed. Any rational human would think that falling in love after one night together was completely insane, but that’s exactly what had happened. The two spent time together every single day up until the day Y/N and her band left for tour. With his newfound time alone he decided to follow through with auditioning for that film he was asked to compose for and after a few nerve-racking weeks he’d found out he’d gotten the part. Obviously, Y/N was happy for him and they celebrated over FaceTime. But now that he had a new gig he needed to just take some time to get the compositions together. 

Harry worked diligently on the film score for three months. He only needed 4 pieces as there would be other songs weaved through out the film. And then it was off to filming. Filming was in Canada and that went on for 8 months. Y/N had been able to visit after the band’s tour ended, but it was just for two weeks as they were heading back into the studio soon. And just like that it had been a year apart. Because he was working on his film, he couldn’t produce their next album, though during their down time over the next holiday he did give it a listen and share some insights with her. And then the following March he got some bad news from back home about his father and he headed back for a few weeks. 

When he returned he was really upset about it, but he had solely come to break up with Y/N. His dad didn’t have very long apparently and he’d been away for so long that he decided that he needed to be there with him for as long as he could. He was going to look after him until the end. And well, Y/N completely understood why he wanted and needed to do that. It was sad, but amicable. And for the first few months they continued their routine of chatting regularly, but she soon discovered that it was just prolonging her pain. She wrote a song from it that she called “Good Grief”. It was about grieving the beautiful things, remembering them with love, and simultaneously talking about it being hard to let things like that go. That song launched them into an entirely new era and things took off for the band which ended up putting even more distance between the two. Harry also didn’t move back to LA, so they didn’t even have a chance to easily see each other and with each decision pulling them further apart they inevitably fell out of touch. 

It was three years after their break up now and the two were doing well. Y/N was about to be engaged. Well, she assumed she was. Her boyfriend, Riley had been extra odd all week and her friends and family were oddly unavailable so she was expecting it. Harry had just moved back to LA after all that time, he just needed a change of pace after looking after his dad for one year and then dealing with the aftermath of it all for the next few. He was excited to come back, reconnect with some old friends…and of course, talk to Y/N. He hadn’t moved on, he hadn’t loved anyone like he had loved her and he just wanted to be back in her life, in nay capacity. She was it for him, he knew that for certain.

It was a day like any other, except for one thing…she was craving a donut. But not just any donut, a red velvet donut from Randy’s. She knew it was completely ridiculous to be driving out to Inglewood at 4pm for a donut, but she was alone for the evening and had nothing better to do since apparently everyone in her life was mysteriously busy. She got in line for the drive thru and as she glanced out of her window absentmindedly she saw a very familiar face walking over to the back of the line. She smiled wide and her heart did flips and her stomach fluttered with butterflies at the sight of him. Of seeing him here of all places. Her mind went back to that night he brought her here. How perfectly wonderful that had been.

“Harry!” She shouted out the window and he glanced in her direction and his lips widened in a smile as he waved. “I’m gonna get out!” She shouted and he shot her a thumbs up and got out of the line to meet her where she parked. She rushed out of her car and straight into his arms. He hugged her tight and spun her around as they laughed and greeted each other with enthusiasm. “Wow! How insane to be running into you here!” 

“I know…” he shook his head.

“What brings you to LA?” She asked.

“I’m moving back actually. Just touched down and figured a little detour wouldn’t hurt.” He said and her eyebrows raised.

“Oh, that’s good. It’ll be nice to have you within reach.” She said with a smile and he nodded, “I’m sorry about everything with your dad. I wanted to call or something, but I didn’t know if I even had the right to since we haven’t talked in a long time.” She explained herself. 

“You always have a right, Y/N. Love of my life, remember?” He said and she smiled.

“Light of my life.” She said as she reached for his hand and squeezed it gently. 

They got their donuts and talked for a bit before they headed off. She waited a few days and this intense need to see him again didn’t go away. So she talked to the band about it, they knew each of them the best and well, they all agreed that maybe they needed a better form of closure. So she reached out to Harry and asked him if he wanted to go for lunch. And he accepted, which is what led them to their meet up at Seabird’s Kitchen.

“You look pretty.” He complimented her as he hugged her quickly.

“Thanks. I rushed over from a meeting I had this morning.”

“Ah, work attire.”

“Yeah.” She giggled, “So how are you settling in? Are you back at the old house?” She asked and he shook his head.

“Nah, got something smaller. Got rid of that place a few years back.” 

“Oh, I didn’t know.” She pouted, “So many amazing memories there.” She hummed and Harry nodded. 

“So what’s up?” He asked her and she sighed.

“Well…as you know, what we had together it was…magic. Literally heaven on earth.”

“We were pretty perfect weren’t we?” He smiled fondly and she nodded.

“Yeah…and ummmm, well I’ve never really been able to 100% move on because well…there were just a lot of things left unsaid because we kind of broke up and then you went back home. And I guess I just…didn’t want to talk to you about that when I knew that you were dealing with so much already.” She explained and he hummed. “I guess I just needed closure on a few things because…well, I ummm….” She swallowed thickly, she had no idea why she felt guilty saying this to him, but it just felt wrong to tell Harry this information, it didn’t make any sense, “I think I’m getting engaged really soon.” She said and his eyebrows shot up.

“Oh!” He said and quickly morphed his surprise into a smile instead of the frown that was clawing itself to the surface, “Congrats!” He smiled brightly. He knew that she had a boyfriend…but he doesn’t know why it never felt real to him. Maybe because he hadn’t heard it from her own two lips. Or perhaps because he was far away so it didn’t feel like a reality to him? Who knows, but reality hit him over the head with that one and he could feel his heart breaking over her once again.

“Thank you.” She forced her smile as best as she could. As she looked down at his hand she could very easily picture herself holding it in hers. She could see herself enjoying it and her heart warming as she pictured their fingers interlacing together. As if no time at all had ever passed. It made her feel afraid now as all of it started rushing back to her.

“Hey, are you alright?” Harry asked her and she nodded.

“Yeah, I just got distracted.” She shook her head, “Ummm, well anyway I just wanted to I guess give us the proper goodbye we deserved.” She said and he nodded with a broken heart but he stayed for 3 hours, catching up, joking around, talking, reminiscing until it was time to go. Harry was walking Y/N to her car since she had parked quite far down the street. And when they got to her car she had him hop in so that she could give him a ride back to his car. And they hummed to her music playing from her phone as they made the short drive over, and soon they were just saying their goodbyes. He was hugging her over the console, mentally saying a different kind of goodbye to her that was making his heart wilt in his chest. They were about to pull back when “Champion of the World” started to play and she smiled as she relaxed in his hold before pulling back a bit, their foreheads pressing together and it felt like no time had passed at all.

“We’ve been here before.” He whispered and she hummed in confirmation as her eyes fluttered shut to give herself a moment. This was hurting far more than she expected it to. It felt like they were breaking up all over again and this time it was her choice and he was complacent in her decision. It felt wrong to be saying goodbye to each other twice. “I don’t think I’m ever gonna fall out of love with you.” He said softly and her eyes fluttered open and she slightly frowned as she looked from his eyes to his lips a couple of times before just doing what her intrusive thoughts had been telling her to do since he’d shown up this afternoon. She surged forward and slotted her lips against his. 

Harry didn’t hesitate to kiss back. One deep kiss led them to a stolen peck, then another, and then a deeper kiss, and more and more. It felt like they were kissing to makeup for the three years they hadn’t been able to kiss. There was still so much love between them, Y/N supposes it had just been dormant this entire time he was gone. And she had indeed missed how it felt to be completely and undeniably gone for someone. There wasn’t another thought running through her mind in that moment, so as they pulled away she knew that she was still in love with him. She had been this whole time.

“Fuck…sorry.” He whispered and she shook her head.

“I kissed you, so it’s alright. I’m sorry, if I kissed you and you didn’t want to kiss me.” She apologized.

“I’d never not want to kiss you.” He chuckled and she smiled with a heat in her cheeks from his flirtations. “Do you regret it yet?” He asked teasingly and she shook her head, but she wasn’t smiling. She was completely serious.

“I can’t regret anything that happens between us. It’s just a proper goodbye, yeah?” She said sadly and he nodded wordlessly.

“Hey, you better invite me to the wedding. Just because it’s not me, it doesn’t mean I don’t want to be there or that I’m not happy for you. OK?”

“OK.” She smiled and with that he got out and they went their separate ways.

She cried the entire way home and she felt completely heart broken. Like she had lost him all over again and she couldn’t be getting married to someone when she was in love with someone who wasn’t the person she was supposed to marry.  She was so absolutely confused and it was affecting her work horribly. They were in the middle of some writing sessions for their next album and she was not being even a little bit helpful. Her mind was elsewhere. And it was like that for two whole weeks and everyone was fed up with her. 

“Dude what is wrong with you?” Kassie asked her and she groaned.

“I don’t know…I’m really distracted.” She fibbed and everyone sighed, “I just…can’t do this today. Sorry, guys.” She said before gathering her things and heading out. When she got to her apartment Riley was there  making dinner and it made her heart sad that it wasn’t Harry.

“Hey, love!” He smiled and the smile faded as soon as he saw her face.

“Ummm, he’s back. And I asked to see him.” She said to Riley who sighed. He had been there through the entire break up, between her and Harry. At the time he was a session musician who’d been hired to play on one of their songs. But he was so nice and thoughtful. But he also knew the love that she and Harry shared for each other. In a way he always expected their paths to cross again, but he’d just hoped that it wouldn’t affect her. But he still did, in every way apparently.

“When are you seeing him?”

“It was two weeks ago.” She said and he nodded. “I didn’t know how to tell you. I was just hoping to get some closure on some stuff. But then I…I realized that I’m still in love with him. And I kissed him.” She confessed everything, “I’m really sorry.”

“Jesus, Y/N.” Riley said with disappointment.

“I know…I should’ve told you right away but I was trying to figure out what I should do.”

“There’s only one thing to do, Y/N. You said you’re in love with him.” Riley shook his head, “You know, I always knew this would happen some day.” He said lowly, “I was stupid for thinking you’d pick me though.” He said as he made his way towards the couch and grabbed his sweater and he furiously slipped into his sneakers, “Please, don’t call me when this all blows up in your face.” He said with spite before he slammed the door hard on his way out. 

She frowned, obviously she deserved that, but he was a good guy. He hadn’t done anything wrong, he just….wasn’t the love of her life. Maybe she was foolish for thinking that things could start back up with Harry. Well, it’d been a few years, they’d been through plenty of things on their own, it was safe to say that they were pretty different people now. But the way things felt were exactly the same, it wasn’t just nostalgia. Being with him made her feel alive and in control and like everything would be alright. She was a bit stuck with her next step, as she weighed out her options. She sighed and decided to take a drive to the place that always helped her think.

The sun was setting as she placed her hands on the white rails of the Forum parking lot. After Harry left she’d made it her special place to come think. He had given this place a new meaning to her and it felt like the best place to decide on whether that goodbye they had was the final one or if she should give in to her desires and go after him. She stood there for a few minutes, just the sounds of the city around her.

“Why am I not surprised to see you here?” She heard and turned around to see Harry in his shorts and hoodie, smiling brightly and she smiled back.

“What brings you here?” She asked.

“Feeling a bit stuck…And you?”

“Same.” She responded. They were quiet for a little bit before she spoke up, “I think we’re feeling stuck over the same thing.” She said to him and he glanced to her, his eyes soft as he looked over to her.

“Yeah? What’s that?”

“Whether it’s too late for us or not.” She said softly and he hummed as he looked at her.

“Well what do you think?” He asked and she bit her lip.

“I told Riley we kissed…he told me not to call him.” She said and he frowned.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m not.” She said softly and he glanced up into her eyes with a gleam of hope, “I’ve been in love with you this whole time. Waiting for you. I want us back. I-if you’ll still have me.” She offered a hopeful smile and he grabbed her face and leaned in to kiss her.

“Course I’ll have you.” He hummed with a smile, “You’re the love of my life.” He said softly and she smiled against his lips.

“And you’re the light of my life.” 

As always, all feedback is appreciated!

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Read my other writing here...

[mynameisnotthepoint]

So yesterday, I binged Love in the big city. I had read the book, and as I am wont to do, i skimmed through to get back to the episodes and really sit down and watch them later (hopefully in small increments over the next two weeks).

I have been scrolling around on twitter since then (as one does, I am sick in bed with nothing to do but an assignment I don't have the brain power for right now) and really made me think.

First, I looked at international fans' reactions in English e.g. a gay guy I follow who parties a lot and talks openly about his sex life said it felt real, another guy kept complaining about Go Young's taste in men but also the people who watched it for the romance and only focused on that (and the sex scenes, which have racked up 100.000s of views). Some excitedly writing about how handsome the actors were, how they wanted to see a second season, a shame about this or that plot point (the "endgame" not being there). And as @lurkingshan said, it is NOT a romance drama or even a BL drama. This is a chronicle of one's man's life and his trauma, his relationships and his triumphs.

A lot of English-writing commentors praise the actors for their bravery. And that is always the debate, isn't it? Without them taking the role, this thing might not have been made. But the people behind it, who wrote, filmed, assisted, the writer who is a gay man himself, they all had such high stakes too, even higher (the author kept urging people on twitter to give the drama high views, one of the actors offered free hugs and an eating live stream if they managed to trend at no. 1). The drama is a depiction of a queer person's life as it could happen. Taking on this role, playing the part and then leaving it behind, is that as brave as people who live this life every day? Not to say that none of the actors in this production could be queer, bc some probably are.

One of the people i follow on twitter pointed out this feels like the drama shows queer sex, not sensationalised sex, just, that sex is a part of life so it is depicted in a series that is about life. With reading that, I began to wonder what queer koreans were saying about the series. Thanking the fact that google translate has not yet dropped their support of X, formerly twitter, I began by searching up Nam Yoon Su's name in Korean. A lot of people were calling him handsome, saying they cried about his performance. And then I stumbled upon several things:

1. The club scenes/music they used seems outdated to some Korean queers. They wrote that this feels more like a man in his 30s reminiscing his 20s than someone actually in their 20s, which, fair, the drama is told over the span of like 10 years I believe. Also the commentors thought the dancing was bad. But they said, even if some of it felt not true to gay life/the actors couldn't completely sell it as believable, that the drama was important and shouldn't be criticised too harshly.

2. They were having a linguistic debate about the usage of Korean gay slang (i think it was the word 기갈, but I could be wrong bc my Korean vocabulary is like 30 words) and that it has come into vogue with straight girls who go to gay bars, as Mi Ae does in the drama. In a way, it is a risk bringing a subculture that is/was quite closed to the mainstream (I think similar critiques have been made about drag race).

3. That the drama was not reaching its intended audience (queers) and was instead something for straight BL fans to screech over. It does feel kind of weird that something that veers more into raw territory (if you disregard the casting of Nam Yoon Su, who is super pretty and not at all like Young was described in the book), is treated the same as the stylised/trope-ified human experiences we see in some BLs (nothing wrong with those! Media is in its essence always a distillation of an experience),

I think that there is always a risk of depicting something that is close to the way actual individuals experience it and running into voyeuristic territory, on display for millions of people. Is it weird to want people to take this more seriously? To look at it in depth, treat the characters like humans that could actually be living out there and not Ken dolls you can mash together? Or is that too reductive of me, dictating what other people's experience with media should look like?

These are just my initial thoughts, I need to ruminate on them more, and I could be completely wrong about all of this.

I myself rarely go outside and have not had many queer IRL friends, which is why I am drawn to these series. To be honest, I don't even know the local queer slang bc I have been to the queer bar here once before it closed down due to internal disputes. Reading Love in the big city made me feel like i was hit with a sledgehammer, the series makes me want to go out and live again (once I am feeling up to it).

[bettyshoweduptotheparty]

Midnights duality (part 2): Meet me at midnight

So, we’ve established that Midnights is the era where Taylor makes it known that there are two versions of her story, and that the prevailing narrative can’t be trusted and she’s letting a second (conflicting) narrative exist alongside it. This brings me back to the sentence that concluded the album announcement and opened the first track: Meet me at midnight.

Sounds so simple, right? But who are we meeting at midnight? It’s not the public Taylor, because we’ve known her for a while. So it must be the private one, the one that wears trainers and a T-shirt and bleeds purple glitter. Let’s meet her.

Where, other than in the mv, do we see this private Taylor? On the big screen during the Eras tour performance of Anti Hero. And what is she doing? Screaming and waving at us before she walks off in a huff. Guess no one was there to meet her…

She is also the one taking notes when performance Taylor is doing the teaching. I find it noteworthy that the public Taylor here is dressed in 1989 outfit and is holding the pointer stick in the same way she used to swing and hold the golf club in the Blank Space performance on the 1989 tour. She is also the one slut-shaming and bullying Taylor about her weight in the bathroom scene, two things we know were very prominent during the 1989 era so this ‘Anti Hero’ villain is her 1989 self, the height of her fame and perfectly crafted public persona. So this private Taylor that we are meeting is taking notes from her 1989 self. Interesting… And even more interesting that we are now getting a vault track on 1989tv called SLUT!. And I have just learned today that we are quite possibly getting a mv for this song… so would this be the place to meet our new Taylor? I think it’s a contender.

I have said in my post about the burning Lover house, that I take from the blue flames that 1989tv will move the narrative of this new Taylor forward quite a bit and as we are nearing the release (5 days to go as I’m writing this) I get that feeling more and more. Yes, I am not blind or deaf, I am very well aware that Taylor is currently doing her very best performance of NFL player’s gf, but I actually think that furthers my duality in public narrative and performance art point from part 1. Because, while I’m sure I don’t need to give you any examples of the excessive articles and media coverage of Taylor’s outings with either MH or TK, I just want to remind you of what other articles and media coverage has emerged in recent months, and this is not a story that would have made the NY Times or Cosmopolitan even a year ago.

Yep, Gaylor has entered the mainstream media. Not something that was on my 2023 bingo card, if I’m honest. Not even during the spring and summer of 2019, during Taylor’s soft launch phase, was her queerness this openly discussed in mainstream media. And not just as a general idea, some of the articles are linking her to very specific women in the past and, as if that wasn’t enough, the women in question have promptly appeared in public, either non-denying a relationship with her (looking at you DA), or showing up at her concert after a supposed years-long feud, adding fuel to the fire. And didn’t Taylor make a spectacle of looking lovingly up at Karlie in the stands at the last LA show, a show that she hyped up enough with 1989 announcement easter eggs that she could be sure everyone was watching. She wants to give this new narrative a platform. Yes, the straight girl pap walks are happening, but so is this. Pick your narrative. Especially the inclusion of Taylor in posts from official LGBTQ charities like Stonewall and Glaad seems significant to me, because they are non-profit organisations that are dedicated exclusively to preserving and telling queer people’s stories and would never risk their reputation or seriousness of their cause by participating in clout chasing or name dropping. And I know that these two things going on simultaneously seem super confusing, but I’m starting to think the confusion is part of the act. This is the tale of the two Taylors and it’s our job to work out which is which. The Stonewall Archive specifically tagged Taylor in their post about an exhibit on media coverage and public perception… they know something we don’t.

The re-emergence of pap walks alone is something I wasn’t expecting. Over the last 7 years we have known Taylor as a private person after her turbulent 1989 era. She was mostly quiet, stayed out of the headlines, no pap walks or public appearances outside of award shows and select performances. After all, reputation Taylor told us that the old Taylor died and the new version didn’t explain anything or show her face in public much. But 2023 Taylor has felt a lot like that old Taylor, right?? The pap walks, the girl squad, the high publicity romances… So, hasn’t Taylor learned her lesson from her 1989 self after all?

I think she has, but she wants the rest of the world to eat their words and see how ridiculous this is. Will this all be part of a Slut! mv? Maybe. Or it could be a way to distract the fanbase from something else that’s going on. One very notable difference in the pap walks now is how confidently herself she is when she’s photographed with her friends or going to the studio. Back in 2014 she would leave the gym looking like she was walking the runway with not a hair out of place, and now she is walking the streets of NYC looking queer as ever. (I swear she googled ‘How to look like a lesbian’ before picking that second outfit…) And I’ve seen how much it confuses the swifties. And I’m here for it 😋 Question though, if she’s going into the studio looking this gay, is the music coming out of these sessions going to be equally💅 ?

Something is brewing and 1989tv is the next thing on the horizon, so let’s look at that.

Midnight and Sunrise

Having been introduced to our new Taylor at the beginning of Midnights, she’s taken us through the main album, then the 3am bonus tracks, to the til dawn edition. With every new midnights edition we have worked our way through the night from midnight, to 3am, to dawn. So, next would be sunrise, right? And there have actually been a few mentions of sunrise and daylight in both the 1989tv marketing and other media coverage. I’ve spoken about the midnights to daylight theory before, as it’s one that many Gaylors have speculated on, but I think there has been quite a bit of movement on this recently.

Firstly, there is the yellow 1989tv vinyl that is conveniently named the ‘Sunrise Boulevard edition’. Not only does it have the word sunrise in it, it is also a direct reference to the Stonewall National Museum & Archive, which is located on this road in Fort Lauderdale, FL. And with the emergence of all the other variations of the 1989tv vinyl, it is easy to spot that they all have a sunlit beach theme (a big change from the OG 1989 city theme!) and with the recent leak of a purple version on the website of a record shop, we now have a full rainbow of 1989tv vinyls. Sunrise and rainbows… I think I have an idea where this may be going. But hang on, there is more.

Remember when I said that the Stonewall National Archive knows something we don’t? A few days ago, they posted this on their Instagram with lyrics from Taylor’s happiness, highlighting and italicising the word sunrise and pointing everybody’s nose in the caption to their address at 1300 E Sunrise Boulevard:

This feels VERY intentional. And I’ve never really looked at the happiness lyrics in that way, having taken the song to be about Scott B and her old label, but when Stonewall is using these exact lines in that context, with a strong suggestion that they have insider knowledge, it seems worth looking at them again.

In the caption, SNMAL say that they ‘celebrate the glorious sunrise of LGBTQ+ history’ with the pride flag and sunshine emoji. So, could it be that the Sunrise Blvd vinyl and accompanying rainbow variations of 1989tv are going to bring some kind of moment in history for LGBTQ people? It certainly sounds like this is about more than just Taylor. Perhaps furthering the theory that there may be a double album on the horizon with the second one being all collaborations. Stonewall also liked a comment on this post that said that something is in the air 🌈

They also included the line about flickers of light from the dress I wore at midnight. Flickers of light, as in glimpses of her queerness? The ones we are seeing now in all those articles are social posts? The mention of a dress immediately throws my mind back to the rainbow dress that Billy Porter ended up wearing at World Pride 2019, but that was almost certainly meant for Taylor. And out of all the photos of Taylor from the VMAs this year, which one did GLAAD choose to post on their Instagram in September? Yep, the one with Billy Porter. Takes me back to 2019… and something else does too, actually: The Cruel Summer live single release.

Cruel Summer was released as a single this June, 4 years after its initial release. And almost made it to No.1. It was certainly on the radio A LOT. The Lover set is also the opening act of the Eras tour, so this summer has certainly had some 2019 throwbacks. And remember how the Lover era started? With ME! Out now! on Lesbian Visibility Day, followed by the sunshine and rainbows parade that was the mv and (as we later learned from the documentary) 'Cats, unicorns and gay pride... things that make me ME.' And now, in October 2023, Taylor released a live version of Cruel Summer and used the very photo from the 2019 shoot as a cover for the single. And not only was that a 2019 photo shoot, it was the last photo she posted on her instagram in June 2019 before she was meant to wear the dress at NYC Pride. I think she captioned it something like 'calm before the storm'. And now that photo has made a comeback. If I were a betting woman...(and I've learned better than to ever make predictions when it comes to Miss Taylor Swift these days) but if I were I'd say it looks like she's taking another run at this. Meet ME at midnight...and then follow me into the daylight. ☀

And one more thing before I conclude this monstrosity of an essay, I found Taylornation's post for the midnights anniversary last week a bit mysterious:

It says 'Tonight we celebrate an album written by the one that could make us stay. After all the sleepless nights and friendship bracelets we've shared, we hope you know you're never really on your own, kid.' Sounds a bit like a pep talk (and a plea at the same time) to me. Why do the fans need reminding of the good times and be asked to stay? Where would they go and why?? And the first picture in the carousel is our girl 'home Taylor' from the Anti Hero mv, looking contemplative, maybe waiting for someone to come and finally let her out of that house. And the photo immediately after it is Taylor as we know her, smiling for photos with her fans at the movie premier. The two Taylors again...but one is in black and white and the other is in screaming colour 😉iykyk.

[ivysangel]

listen, i think smut is great. i read it, i write it, i think about way more than is probably considered healthy, but i don't think it should be as readily accessible in bookstores as it is right now, and especially without warnings.

i went to barnes & noble with my friend a few weeks ago and in the front of the store was this humongous romance section that had hundreds of those booktok romance books that was trending now. i wish i had a picture to show you guys just how big it was, because there were like six or so book cases and then this big table with some "romantic summer reads".

naturally, because it's what's trending right now, so many of the books had those really cute cartoon couple drawings. you know the one's where the two mc's are standing next to each other, or back to back, or hugging or smth (ykwim) and all of them were completely innocent looking and not marked as having adult content in any way. this isn't my first rodeo or anything, so i know that a really good chunk of these books have graphic sex written in them despite having no warnings or indicators of such content. and sure enough as me and my friend are flipping through them we're seeing all of the graphic depictictions of sex that if you were just reading the blurb on the back you would not know existed in the book.

the rationale i've seen from a lot of the authors and readers of the book are that they want something "inconspicuous" that doesn't draw attention to the fact that they're reading smut in public or whatever. and while i understand the sentiment, there's got to be some kind of regulation for this kind of thing. because some kid who's just looking for a cute romance book accidentally picking up smut is actually very bad and shouldn't be normalized in the slightest.

and i always see people saying, "well their parents should be checking the stuff they read anyway" or "i read smut when i was young so i don't see what the problem is" which pisses me off so bad because:

A) i know that when i was younger my mom didn't monitor what i read because the books i was reading were never misleading. both the covers, blurbs, and warnings (if there ever were any) were in line with the content of the books i read and there was no reason to be worried. i'm almost 100% sure that when most parents go to the bookstore with their kid and their child picks up a book with a cute cover, and the info about the plot on the back says nothing about it being anything other than a cute relationship, they don't think anything of it. maybe if it was one of those harlequin novels with the shirtless guys and the ladies with their boobs spilling out of tight dresses they'd tell them to put the book down but because the covers of new age smut books are designed to decieve, that's exactly what they do. decieve. and if it works on your friends and family and everyone around you, why in god's name wouldn't it work on someone's parent.

and B) it's no secret that kids have been reading smut well before they should for ages. i read smut as a kid, some of my friends read smut as kids, lots of people have and will continue to do so, the difference is that it wasn't as mainstream and easily accessible as it is now. not that you had to scour the internet for it, a quick search on wattpad would give you a million results, but it wasn't something that wasn't so publicly advertised, and sold. in my experience, it was the kind of thing that you heard about from a friend who heard about it from another friend not fucking tiktok. the biggest social media platform rn.

i'd also like to point out that if you read smut when you were younger and grew up to not understand how harmful it is, even going as far to encourage kids to read it, you're a huge fucking weirdo. i'm only 18, still very much a "child" by some people's standards, and i get chills when i remember how young i and some of my friends were when we created our first wattpad accounts. which is probably why i care so much about this topic, i don't think children should be exposed to that kind of stuff at all, and i don't like how now anyone of any age can walk into a bookstore and either knowingly or unknowingly pick up some freak nasty sex because a bunch or horny people on tiktok can't understand how harmful it is to have these books in so many places without any warnings whatsoever.

also: this had already gotten so long but i forgot to mention that there's a rising interest in "dark themes" and those books DEFINITELY need a warning. i wrote an essay once on how unregulated darker themed media has contributed to the idealization of toxic relationships in young people, and i'd like to say that right now i think booktok is one of the biggest contributors

[demontonic]

Hayden Christensen - The first time - 2

let’s pretend that i didnt already start writing this for a separate story before i decided to just add it in for a part 2 please and thank you! Here’s part 1 if you haven’t read it and my masterlist for more!

word count: 1998

You had landed a part in Star Wars after years of auditioning for any possible role. You had struck mainstream fame after a horror movie you did for Rob Zombie. They had introduced an interesting character, they wanted to give Darth Vader a devotee, of course after Padme he never loved again but they wanted to show how exactly he dealt with it immediately after her passing. The audition was a scene in which said devotee breaks after pining for his approval the entire series.

“I have given you everything I am, I betrayed everything I ever knew, and I have done everything you ever asked! Just once I want you to see me, all I do, all I am is for you… Anakin.” Your voice sounded empty, defeated, broken and angry. Unrequited love in the worst case scenario possible, falling in love with a widowed sith lord. The story outside all the theatrics however was quite the opposite.

“Chosen one, how’s your morning old man?” You taunted in a merry voice, the taller blond man just shook his head. A smirk resting on his lips as he scoffed at the weak attempt of a joke.

“You aren’t too far behind me lady,” he dropped his bag onto the blue mat next to yours. Soon Hayden towered over you awaiting the inevitable comeback, something you’d grown accustomed to during training.

“Twelve years is enough for me to give you shit big papi,” you shoved his torso once you felt your neck stiffening at the uncomfortable angle it required to look at him.

“Well I thought you two weren’t supposed to get along,” Dave Filoni, you swear you could spend hours thanking this man for his work in the Star Wars universe, afterall he did create your character.

“Dave!”

“Hayden!”

They briefly shook hands, clearly having a deep respect and adoration for each other as long time coworkers and friends. Behind Dave however was this redhead, she was older than you but still younger than Hayden. She was the trainer's assistant who very much liked to try and correct Hayden, despite him having more experience than most of us. It wouldn’t have struck a chord with you, it shouldn’t have, but when she placed her hands around his arms to adjust his ‘lightsaber’ it angered you deeply. Luckily for you she seemed to be in quite the chipper mood, “Fan- fucking -tastic,” you thought while watching her drool over him.

“-And then we’ll get started on your final battle, sound good?” Dave looked between you and Hayden, a nod coming from you both before he walked away; being replaced by the main trainer, Harry.

“Morning, Milord, lover girl, Jess.” His voice was relaxed as always, he was a gentle man despite the skills he had taught us. He could cheer you up and stop you from being discouraged one moment and then completely body slam you the next. You were forever grateful he was the trainer, because if it was that snotty bitch Jessica, you’d never catch a break. He liked to refer to us using names related to our characters to ‘get us in the headspace’ you just thought it was cute.

“Morning puff, how was the commute this morning?” You teased since he always complained about traffic, but today he gave you a knowing look. Puff was the nickname you gave him, his hair was insanely fluffy and long it also was a very light blonde.

“Well I’ll have you know it was better today, I hope that’s how your choreography goes as well since we’re gonna start breaking down your final battle today.” He grabbed a pole before swiftly turning to us, a test he’d do every now and then to see if we could spring into action. Of course, being the teacher’s pet I’d met his ‘blade’ first.

“Ah my lover girl, always quick on her feet,” his praise made you smile while he stood down, returning to his previous spot.

“She still needs to keep her legs braced properly, her stance is weak,” Jessica spat while she walked over to Harry, twirling her pole in hand cockily. To be fair she’d won many matches against you, but as of recently you had the winning streak.

“Now Jess-”

“Wanna give it a go, see how weak my stance really is?” You proposed, walking out to the middle of the mat, leaving Hayden to stand lonesome in the corner. He loved your drive, your constant need to prove yourself against that wretched woman. Not many people fancied her, it wasn’t hard to understand why, Hayden was not one of those people.

“Any day, any time, you know I’m always ready,” she quickly met you in the middle, poised for action, awaiting your first strike.

“Are you?” You had been working on this rendition of Hayden’s move, it was your personal touch to the character. It was the famous ‘Obi-Ani’ however when the saber went behind your back the blade would be downturned. From there it would switch hands, strike once it was brought forth, then switched back to your right hand. That was exactly how you started, she hadn’t been able to combat it and in the fictional universe her hand would be severed. In the real world, you hit her wrist very hard, you hoped to see the bruise later on.

“Impressive! I didn’t know you had finally polished that move, I think it will do well in the choreo.” Harry quickly declared before getting in between you two. Hayden also approached you, his hand turned your shoulder to face him.

“What even was that?” He sounded impressed, almost childlike especially with the smile that accompanied the question.

“I took your move, and I made it my own master,” you said cockily with a shit eating smile. Harry’s praise made you smile, but Hayden’s interest made you jump for joy.

*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*

It had been a few hours now, you had gone through 4 out of 10 parts of the battle and you were starting to get frustrated. The lightsaber part had never been an issue, but the footwork on your part was intense. It had to be because by now Anakin was Darth Vader his mobility was nothing like the prequels. To keep Hayden stiff they had pads on his arms and knees to limit the movement. On top of that there was a lot of dialogue throughout the beginning, so you kept circling each other, anticipating each other's next moves.

“Again, let's slow it back dow-“

“No. Let’s do it again, I just need to keep doing this until I get it.” It wasn’t a backflip or some mind blowing parkour, however the transition from running, to sliding, up to your knees; and then trying not to fall back while Hayden pushed down on you with his saber wasn’t easy.

“Do you want me to ease up?” God sometimes you just wanted to hit him with the pole when he tried to water it down for you. He came from a good place but amidst your frustration, and Jessica’s relentless corrections you were losing control.

“No, just start again at 3”

“Okay, on your line”

And with a heavy sigh you repeated the last line of your spiel. “Just once I want you to see me, all I do, all I am is for you… Anakin.” Your voice was harsh, it was unmissable so as Hayden began his attack, you deflected with more force than normal. Your jaw was clenched and your fists tight. Your eyes were set on Hayden, it was like you were doing the scene for the actual take, hell it was like you were actually living this scenario.

“Anakin is no more, I killed hi-“

“Liar!”

You stepped forward going back into the confrontation, your sabers clashing louder than before. Grunts leaving your throat as you push your tired body to perfection, until you catch sight of Jessica. Her glare stuck on you as if you killed her favorite person, it just made you fume. The next part is when you cut off Vader’s left hand and while normally you let Hayden put his hand down, you hit the back of his hand. Finally it had clicked that you weren’t okay, something was bothering you and he had a pretty good idea why. However he remained silent and followed through with the scene.

“All this time, did you think I might fall in love with you? Your pride consumes you, padawan.”

“And your grief consumes you.” You said through clenched teeth, this was where you had to jump off a blue block they’d set up. As you jumped down, you rolled onto your knees before running at Hayden, and to avoid his saber you slid beneath it. Once you turned to face him, you hurriedly got onto one knee finally making it on time before your sabers clashed. He pushed down on you and you could feel your shoe slip against the slick fabric of the mats. You were fed up with this plastic always fucking this part up so you pushed back with all your upper body strength.

Not your best moment.

Hayden fell back as you stood up and this finally calmed you down from your mood. You breathed heavily while you walked over to help him back up, twirling your saber mindlessly. You looked down at the blonde, holding your hand out wordlessly in embarrassment.

“Sorry, I just-“

“Let’s take a break, and talk about this.” Hayden interjected before hurriedly ushering you to the parking lot. There was nothing to say, it was childish of you to act out, it was embarrassing, you couldn't begin to process the emotions pooling in your stomach. He unlocked his car and opened the door for you without hesitation, he was scarily calm as you got in the passenger seat. It didn’t take long for him to get into the driver’s seat, long strides equaled less steps. Once he was seated the silence continued for a moment, you wouldn’t dare meet his gaze.

“Jessica is a hard person to be around, I’m sure you’ve had a few instances like that in the workplace. Y/N you are giving her what she wants when you get angry, people like that thrive off your misery.” Hayden Christensen, he had to be God’s favorite, he was so nice and understanding. A gentle giant trying to reason with a short psycho, perfect.

“It disappoints you as much as it does me-“

“I’m not disappointed in you, if anything I’m proud… surprised even.”

“Surprised?”

“Yeah, Harry assumed you would’ve chewed her head off by now. You saved me 20 bucks”

“So what I’m hearing is you think I could win in a fight.” The mood was lighter now, you both sported bright smiles while the banter continued.

“I wouldn’t have put money on you if I didn’t think you would,” he was being sincere and you knew by the way he spoke so effortlessly.

“Might not be for much longer, it’s like she gets worse everyday- that or my tolerance is getting shorter.” This time your tone sounded defeated, sure you’ve dealt with more stressful things in life, but it seemed as though you had no more patience left. Hayden quickly took note of this and used the leverage of you being a Star Wars nerd to cheer you up.

“Have faith love, everything will soon be set right… I’ve been told she’ll be transferred to a different project anyway. Someplace far far away from us,” His voice dwindled to a hushed volume, it was soothing.

“That would bring peace to the entire city.” He laughed at your brutal joke before changing the subject.

“So do you think we can go in there and try to play nice?” The question lingered for a moment before you reluctantly answered him.

“I don’t make promises.”

“But?”

“But… I will try.”

“Atta girl.”

@oogachakaooga

@lonelywitchv2

@papas-peepee

[olderthannetfic]

Welp, I am cursed with rarepair-shippery. Monk is on Netflix in my country, and I have started to bingewatch it. I now ship Monk with Sharona, and Stottlemeyer with Randy. On AO3, the first has 3 works and the latter 24. On FFnet there also seem to be not many for either of them (but it's harder to even find out which have these pairings, so I gave up quickly lol).

Do you or your readers know whether there are fic sites with more? I know it's silly, but I naively assumed there would be more Monk fic easier to find in general, since it existed in the noughties, so not too early for fansites and fanfic sites to exist.

On AO3, there are 245 fics in the fandom, and on FFnet, there are 880 or 837 fics in the fandom in total. (It says 880 in the bracket for Monk in the overview of the TV series fandoms' list, and if you're on the fandom page with the fic summaries and info etc., and filter for all ratings, it says 837. Where have the other 43 fics gone? Oooh, a mystery!)

--

FFN's index page numbers aren't accurate. I suspect they don't update to reflect when fics are taken down or something.

Monk... hmm... I don't remember it being that big among fanfic people, but some of the crime fandoms, especially the more het or gen-heavy ones, hung out in places I did not. It ran 2002-2009. I'd expect livejournal communities, independent fan sites, or a fic board in some official forum on an official website for the show. Maybe a small mailing list, though they were getting less common around 2003-4.

It ran on USA. Piracy of video content was increasing in that era, but it was still difficult for most due to speed of internet connections. The really big fandoms from the early 00s tended to be on US network TV and have enormous viewerships. That's not universal, obviously, but I see no reason to assume that Monk ever had a huge fic presence.

Over time, fanfic has not only gotten more mainstream but become more of a default reaction to all media one encounters, but Yuletide (the rare fandoms exchange) was only founded in 2003. Even in the 00s, there was still a tendency for fic to cluster heavily around certain fandoms and just not exist for anything that lacked a critical mass of fic fandom types.

[apeekintothepantry]

Happy Pokémon Day! February 27th is the anniversary of the first two Pokémon games’ release in Japan, and it’s a minor holiday in my house, as a fun excuse to make Pokémon inspired food, watch some Pokémon shows or movies (we’re going to watch Netflix’s new Pokémon Concierge this year!), and get excited about upcoming games and releases. This year, we’re making a Pokémon Sword and Shield inspired burger-steak curry and I’m making a dessert from the Pokémon Cookbook by Victoria Rosenthal. It’s one of my favorite fandom cookbooks – all the recipes are vegetarian or vegan, to get around the awkward question of where does the meat in the Pokémon universe come from?

But that’s not all we’re making! Ever since Nicki and Isabel were released, I’ve been dying to do a post about them and Pokémon’s infamous “Jelly Filled Doughnuts”, better – and more accurately! – known as onigiri.

Pokémon was released in the United States in 1998 via two Gameboy games: Pokémon Red and Pokémon Blue. The games quickly caught on to be one of the biggest pop culture phenomenon of the late 90’s and early 00’s, and as a kid at the heart of this explosion, I can’t overstate how much of a big deal it was. One of the great things about Pokémon – and probably why it has such lasting, widespread appeal – is that there are so many ways to interact with the franchise, and the marketing doesn’t skew hugely towards one gender or the other. Cool, tough Pokémon like Charizard got pretty similar billing to cute, pink Pokémon like Jigglypuff, and there were so many options for potential favorites that it was easy for any kid to find some creature to attach themselves to.

One of my petty complaints with Nicki and Isabel’s collection and books is the almost complete lack of mention of Pokémon and other anime that was really popular among kids in 1999. I know AG probably didn’t want to shell out for licensing deals with Nintendo or The Pokémon Company, but their stories just don’t feel accurate without discussing their prized binder of Pokémon cards or begging their parents to take them to see the Pokémon movie in theaters. Maybe the authors were just a little too old to get caught up in Pokémania?

I’ve also always thought its close overlap with the Beanie Babies crazy helped get millennial children like me very into the “gotta catch ‘em all” aspect of the franchise. Is this why I’m such a crazy toy collector as an adult? Who knows.

The Pokémon anime was one of the main ways kids like me got hooked on the franchise, because not everyone was allowed to have a Gameboy of their own (me), and not everyone liked video games, but even if you didn’t like video games, the cartoon might appeal to you. Although it was far from the first Japanese cartoon to air on US television, Pokémon was one of if not the first truly mainstream favorites of the 1990’s. 4Kids, the company in charge of dubbing the show into English, decided that American kids wouldn’t understand or be open to certain aspects of the show that reflected its Japanese roots, and so made a lot of strange choices in rewriting the script. One of the most notorious was deciding Brock’s rice balls were actually jelly filled doughnuts:

Onigiri – also known as omusubi or nigirimeshi – are balls of rice with a variety of fillings inside. They’re often compared to sandwiches, as an easy, quick, cheap meal or snack that combines carbs and other ingredients. While the concept of taking a rice ball and stuffing it full of other tasty treats goes way back to ancient Japan, the triangle shape became popular in the 1980’s thanks to a new machine that automated the filling process. Further developments over the last 40 years have created unique ways to prepackage onigiri without making the nori wrapping sticky. The ones we made were an attempt at recreating the “Hawaiian” (spam and pineapple) rice balls from our favorite food hall back in DC. One of my favorite pandemic indulgences was getting take out from the food hall, which often included a sampler of some of my favorite onigiri, and I haven’t been able to find anything close to similar where we are now. One of the many reasons I’m excited to move!

Even as a kid, I wasn’t convinced the food in the anime was fried dough with fruit jelly inside, because they sure look like rice. I also think 4Kids didn’t anticipate that Pokémon’s widespread popularity would inspire many of its fans – including me – to become absolutely obsessed with Japanese food and culture. I would’ve been more excited if they’d just been straight with me and shown more Japanese food on the show, and then probably begged my parents to make it or take me to a restaurant that made it. While I can’t confidently cite numbers of how many other people were first exposed to Japanese culture and food through Pokémon and franchises like it, I do think it’s a bit of a missed opportunity to highlight how things like this exposed kids like Nicki and Isabel to parts of a culture outside their own!

[live-laugh-lenney]

Greetings!

So I was listening to “Glue Song” by Beabadoobee, and it just reminded me so much of Arthur! I’ve only ever see people say good things about him when they get a chance to meet him. You also just KNOW he’s someone you couldn’t forget upon meeting. I think a little short fic based off this song would be so cute!!

honestly, every single time this song plays (because it's one of my 'soft' playlists that have songs that belong in a playlist for a rainy weekend afternoon), all i think about is arthur now and i'm really honestly not mad about that... it belongs to him, without a doubt.

being christopher dixon's best friend had it's moments.

there would be many times where he would ask her to accompany him in filming a video for his latest video because he needed another pair of hands on set to stand behind a camera, or help set up for each sessions, or where he would have her running his errands for him because he was falling behind in his ever-so busy schedule of being a youtuber. there had been times when she'd dropped off some lunch for him because he didn't realise his shoot was going to take as long as it had done, buying him groceries because he always forgot to buy bread and milk, bringing umbrellas for the rainier weather so that he and his video guests weren't stricken with a cold every time, just in the background and being there as an involuntary personal assistant - that, quite honestly, she didn't mind.

but being christopher dixon's best friend did have its perks.

the list of opportunities that she had been given was forever growing and she couldn't be any more thankful that he had taken her along on his journey; she had travelled to different countries, been invited to so many exciting events, had the chance to work for different brands and companies and meeting his circle of friends had brought brand new memories and so many new friends into her life that she couldn't dream of being without now.

his roommates had always been here favourites.

george clarke had wit. he was funny and sarcastic, he broke the ice on their first meeting by trying to flirt with her but failing to even get out his pick-up line without cringing first, and he could joke with her over things that she couldn't really joke about with anyone else. but he had a soft spot that made him feel like a big brother, someone that she could always go to if she didn't feel comfortable telling chris.

arthur hill had talent as well as a sense of humour. once she found out that he was an upcoming singer and was releasing his own music into the world, she was hooked because she loved listening to any music that wasn't mainstream. and you bet that she attended every single one of his shows that she was able to attend. being that friend who was supportive in every single thing that he did.

arthur frederick had something about him that she just couldn't ever forget. he was no different to george and arthur and chris on how he acted - boys will be boys - except his personality was somewhat on a different level. he was much softer with her when they spoke one on one, he was interested in her and what her likes and dislikes and her hobbies were before he spoke for himself, he was sweeter and where they could joke, he was always weary about what he could joke with her about.

and she liked that.

she gravitated towards him.

there was just something about him that she wanted to be around, all the time, just because he felt so inviting and warm. and he was on her mind, almost all of the time when she was at home. she would think about what he was doing and whether he was working or sleeping or filming a new video. whether he was on alone or whether one of the boys was with him. whether he was a work with music in the background or a silent man who could only work in the silence with no distractions.

at a friends party, she always waved at him and slowly made her way towards him throughout the evening, saying hello to everyone so she didn't look like she was there for him and only him, making herself a lot more social to not seem rude. at any events that they would both attend, she would always linger around him - she still felt out of place at movie premieres and launch parties and he was just a sense of comfort and someone she knew the most - and he wouldn't mind it in the slightest. at video shoots for any of chris' or george's videos, he would be there by her side... even though she was most comfortable doing a set task that someone had given her for the duration of the filming... he just liked to be near her...

and, of course, chris picks up on them being a little closer than usual.

"i know it's not my place to, you know, comment on relationship stuff and all," and he brings it up at the worst time possible; she would have been fine having it privately, without the nosey ears of one of his three roommates in the room and the other two occupied with whatever they seemed to be doing with their day, "but, you two have become awfully close."

"can't we just be friends, christopher?"

"i mean, look at today. he made you a cup of tea as soon as you came in through the door. he never makes anyone a cup of tea," chris points at the mug in her hand and she shrugs playfully, "i'm not saying it's a bad thing. just-"

"tell your face that then."

"i actually think you're a good fit together. of all the people you could date, i'd say arthur was number one on my list," chris tells her and she rolls her eyes, "what?"

"i didn't realise i had a big brother," she teases him and he scoffs and his cheeks go pink for just a moment, "i appreciate you looking out for me and all but, i think i'm old enough to pick a man to date. me and arthur, we're just friends."

"just friends," he scoffs again, using his fingers to act as quotation marks, "you really aren't fooling anyone."

"you really aren't as slick as you think you're being," george perks up from the dining table, laptop open and notes filling a page on google docs, "might as well just kiss him and get something started."

"no one asked you, george," yn frowns at him and he holds his hands up in defence, "i don't even think he likes me in that way. heck, i don't even know if i like him that way. he's just-"

"he's a different breed," chris states in a matter-of-fact way, like it was obvious that he was something of a special character, "what won you over? the animal obsession? the chess head? how terrible he is at a game of football?"

yn rolls her eyes and sets her mug on the kitchen island and stands from the stool she was sat upon.

"i don't have to stay here and listen to this," she threatens and chris just sits back and smirks at her as she grabs her cardigan and her bag and manoeuvres to the front door of their flat and she takes one last look at him before realising the stupid look upon his face, "what now?"

"you're totally in love with him."

she flips him off with her middle finger and slides her feet into her shoes, reaching for the handle of the front door, "lovely as always to see you boys. i'm going. see you never again."

and she closes the door behind her and leaves the two boys grinning at each other, concealing her own smile as she trots down the hall and towards her own flat down the corridor, knowing she'd probably grace them with her appearance later on that evening - she just felt the need to be dramatic as she left.

"yn left?"

chris and george see arthur standing outside of his bedroom door, a look on his face that was full of disappointment yet almost with a look that seemed to be an attempt to hide the sadness. he'd clearly been asleep; his eyes were sleepy, his hair was a mess and he had a pair of shorts and a jumper that was creased from him being in the same position for at least most of the hour he had disappeared into his bedroom.

"yeah, chris was being a dick," george jokes and chris throws him two fingers as he stood from his stool and stretched out his back, "she left in a hurry."

"is she okay? what did you say?"

'i actually said nothing," chris lies and he shrugs his shoulders, "she just said she had to leave."

"hmm," arthur hums softly, scuffing into the kitchen and reaching for the cup she had left on the counter, "maybe i'll pop around and see if she's okay."

"yeah, she'd probably like that," chris smiles and as arthur occupies himself with washing up her mug and wiping the tea stains from the inside, chris looks over at george and they both roll their eyes - two lovesick puppies pining for each other but neither one knowing where to start, "she'd definitely like a familiar face."

if you read this far then i think i may have gotten a little carried away and actually forgotten what the prompt was all about... but i hope this is good... obviously wanted to do it justice because it's a song so fitting for arthur... let me know what you think and don't be afraid to send in some requests! i'm probably here all afternoon slash evening so come keep me company! xx