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ally1uvsu · 3 days ago

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But when he loves me (I feel like I’m floating) | Choi Su-bong (Thanos) x Nam-gyu

⨉⠀⠀─⠀⠀Series .⠀›⠀Trans Namgyu Week 2025⠀‎ꪆৎ day 3; emotional hurt/comfort — Day 1 | Day 2

·⠀warnings info⠀· NSFW — . wc; 3.5k

summary; The second Nam-gyu left those games, He thought he'd be the happiest person alive. But no, as he was tossed out of the van with some random player, the chilling air hitting his half-naked body, Nam-gyu realized he might be wrong.

info; Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Anorexia, likely ngl, trans namgyu, Alternative Universe - Everyone leaves (Squid Game), Post Games, throwing up, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Well shared kiss, Cuddling & Snuggling, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Happy Ending, Theyre so gay I hate them: (, Choi Subong I Thanos Lives, Soft Namgyu (Squid Game), Soft Choi Subong I Thanos, Excessive binding, Bruises, Namgyu is probably depressed ngl

notes; IM SO COOKED OH MY DAYS 😭😭 I’ve been stressing over janitor AI and personal shit that i forgor ab the week challenge.. I SAEAR I’LL POST DAY 4 AND 5 AS SOON AS I CAN MAYBE IN A FEW HOURS BOTH WILL BE OUT TRUST

The second Nam-gyu left those games, He thought he'd be the happiest person alive. But no, as he was tossed out of the van with some random player, the chilling air hitting his half-naked body, Nam-gyu realized he might be wrong.

As they both managed to free themselves, the reality seemed to reach Nam-gyu. He only really managed to leave alive because he was high the whole fucking time.

The player whom he had been dropped with and him exchanged a brief goodbye once they were both dressed, Nam-gyu normally wouldn't care less about saying his farewells but.. that place made him feel a bit more different.

His mind was reeling as he walked, realizing that maybe.. hell, not maybe. This money he had was dirty, this money was someone's life. Every million won was someone's life.

Nam-gyu was pissed in the beginning when after the fourth game the people who wanted to leave won in the voting, even if they each left with a billion won. Few players left alive, thankfully, Thanos included. He remembered both of them high off their asses and complaining over it, but only because of that ecstasy pill.

Walking back home with the chill of the wind hitting his face made reality suddenly hit him, he killed people. So many people were dead because of what he did.. well, because of lights out and everything.

He wondered if Thanos was okay, at least. He was sure of the fact that the purple haired man was somewhere in Korea, tossed out of the car and maybe on drugs, Nam-gyu surprisingly couldn't stomach the thought of getting high.

He felt miserable as he walked towards his overly small apartment, he'd sleep for tonight, pack up, and maybe buy a house big enough for him to live with this money? Find something he was good at and stick with that.

And that's what he did, one would expect things to go well after moving, but Nam-gyu kept getting worse.

He couldn't stomach eating, remembering hwo the meals were served after a practical massacre of people, the food he was eating was paid with the money that cost someone's life.

His stomach didn't even have the strength to rumble anymore, even if Nam-gyu felt weak, he just couldn't eat. Normally, everyday he didn't even bother taking off his binder, even if breathing got a little too hard.

That's when he decided to go to a bar to drink his worries away, drinking in an empty stomach wasn't the best idea but Nam-gyu was desperate to just.. forget.

He didn't bother looking good, just in some sweats and a hoodie and some converses, his hair was slightly greasy from the constant procrastination of whether he should wash it or not, but Nam-gyu really didn't care.

He didn't even wonder what did he do to deserve this, he wondered what did he not do. It's something that plagued his mind everyday, no matter where he was, he always seemed to remember the bodies of people falling everywhere.

A curse fell from his lips as he stumbled inside the bar, tucking his hair behind his ears as he sat into one of the stools, head down and ordering a bottle of wine. The bartender seemed surprised, maybe they felt like they were mistaken when Nam-gyu asked the the literal bottle, but didn't question further when Nam-gyu slammed the bills onto the counter, probably having a bit more than needed but he couldn't care less, nor the bartender.

He was never a wine guy, he found it a little too bitter for his liking but today he was drinking it like he needed it to survive. It was barely past half an hour when Nam-gyu was on his fifth glass and halfway down the bottle.

He hiccuped, face flushed red as he looked at his phone, contacts empty, everything was empty. For a moment, Nam-gyu missed the constant threat he got from the people he owed before those damn games.

His vision was turve, stomach rumbling but he kept on pouring himself wine until he reached the very last drop of the bottle. The wine was coating his taste buds, as disgusting as it felt.. it felt comforting.

Although it felt good, the effects of drinking so much in an empty stomach began getting to him, he grabbed his phone and stood up straight out of the stool he was sitting in. Swearing he could hear a very familiar 'Nam-su!' Cheerily ring in his ears, that place was coming to haunt him again, wasn't it? The thought made his stomach churn, it was completely unlikely he and Thanos would ever meet again.

There were many things Nam-gyu wished he could tell Thanos, but he never did. It was foolish to fall for someone inside a death game, even if they'd both known each other, albeit barely, before.

He decided to solely focus in the feeling of something strong and burning coming up his throat, his eyes slightly stinging as he rushed out of the bar. He could still hear his name wrongly said by Thanos, it never felt so vivid before and Nam-gyu hated it.

His mind was spinning, but at least he had the decency to not puke inside a toilet.

Turning around the very corner of the bar where the parking lot was, Nam-gyu didn't hesitate to double over, hand leaving his mouth and instead squeezing his stomach as he threw up everything he drank, vision hazy as he saw the purple liquid fall.

Everything burnt, it was hard to breathe, his eyes were stinging and he slid down to his knees.

His mind was messy, scattered and trying to pick up pieces of whatever was going on, he knew he was puking, just wasn't sure how his surroundings were.

Not having much time to think again, another wave of nausea hit him and everything was coming out, but this time, he felt hands rub against his back.

Warm, gentle hands holding his hair back a little even if it was pretty short, just so it wouldn't fall in his face.

And amidst all of that fog, Nam-gyu could make out a familiar voice. Slightly unfamiliar too from how.. soft it was.

"Hold on, my boy. Let it all out." Nam-gyu could hear the person say.. was it Thanos?

He panted once he finally was done, turve vision finally falling back into place as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "There you go, good job, boy. I knew you had it in you."

Nam-gyu lifted his head, slightly shaky, and he was met with Thanos' face. Thanos was here, the unlikely probability of ever meeting him again was now.. becoming just a simple what if in his mind. His mouth opened to let put anything but he just let out a choked sound.

Maybe it was how his stomach was so empty, but Nam-gyu felt weak. Black spots filling his vision as Thanos' face became nothing but a blur, the feeling of him shaking his body lulling him into unconsciousness. Maybe this was his karma for killing people, surviving and living off of money that was someone's life. Maybe he'd finally die a slow, miserable death like he knew he deserved.

But the universe was insisting in not letting him die, Nam-gyu knew that it was the second he peered his eyes open with a bursting headache. A hand fell on top of his head as he propped himself up on his elbows.

He wasn't in his house, that's the first thing he noticed. The bedroom was a little too full of vinyl disks and discographies for it to be his house. To be quite fair, Nam-gyu was so out of energy lately that he didn't bother getting anything other than the basics. A bedframe, mattress, kitchen utensils and self hygiene products.

"Nam-su, my boy! You're finally awake!" Thanos chirped as he walked into the room with his sleeves pulled up, so it wasn't a dream after all.

Nam-gyu nodded, and Thanos furrowed his brow. Nam-gyu was off, and thinner than he was in the games. It worried him- Nam-gyu left with a billion won, like him. So why?

"I ran you a bath, you look like you need one, no offense." Thanos began with, shoving a towel towards Nam-gyu's way. "I didn't know where you lived, so you'll just have to stay here." He shrugged, and without letting Nam-gyu speak, he left the room.

He didn't have a choice, did he? Well.. he could just lock the door and stay in here, but Thanos probably had spare keys, who knew?

Nam-gyu stood up shakily, feeling his body shiver but he was also burning up. His stomach was weak but the thought of eating made it churn further.

Opening the bathroom door, Nam-gyu was met with the bathtub filled with water that looked a little steamy, maybe it would do some good to the cold Nam-gyu felt.

His clothes felt sticky as he began stripping them off, he closed snd locked the door, feeling colder snd colder at the thought of having to get naked.

In the end, he was just in his boxers and binder as he stared at himself in the mirror.

Pathetic, he looked pathetic and wrecked. His eyes were bloodshot, deep eye bags under his eyes, he looked a tad paler than usual and maybe a but more skinny.

Nam-gyu always hated how his body looked, but today it was worse. Having to face the consequences of what he was doing to himself.

Everything felt like he was being punished by the universe, from his self hatred, to his guilt, to.. just existing.

He curled his hands into fists, controlling himself to not smash the mirror in front of him. Nam-gyu would rather stare directly at the sun than the mirror.

A sob came out of him without permission, and that's when Nam-gyu knew there would be no thrning back. Tear after tear, everything began leaving his chest since he left. He was crumbling apart, falling on his ass and wincing as he hit his back against the toilet. His chest heaved, and suddenly he became aware of how much his ribs hurt, hell, they were probably full of bruises that Nam-gyu would just hate even more despite not being able to stop.

He curled his knees close to his chest, sniffling and feeling sobs mixed with hiccups leave his lips, as much as he wanted to- he couldn't keep quiet. His anxiety ring couldn't cease down the feeling of a huge lump in his throat, nothing could stop the ugly crying.

A knock from the other side came to reach his ears, but Nam-gyu didn't bother to reply. He was gross, everything hurt, and existing felt like a burden. He just wanted it all to stop.

"Nam-su? You alright in there?" Thanos asked, pressing his ear to the door. He could hear a thudding sound and a wince. At first, he just came by to give Nam-gyu a fresh pair of clothes, but the sounds coming from the bathroom weirded him out a bit. "I'm coming in, okay?" Thanos said as he tried to open the door, but instead of the door knob twisting open, it twisted until barely halfway and din't open. The door was fucking locked.

"Shit.. Nam-su, what are you doing in there?" Thanos called out a little bit louder, cursing under his breath as he didn't hear a reply, just the sound of hiccups and sobs.

Pulling away from the door, his feet heavily padded against the floor as he rushed through the hallway towards his bedroom. Door flying open as he began to search inside one of his drawers frantically, finding the keys and immediately yanking them out without bothering to close the drawer.

As quickly as he could, he ran back inside the room and began fumbling with the keys to open the door. Thanos was unsure why he was so frantic and maybe slightly anxious as he tried to reach Nam-gyu, he always thought this weird feeling whenever they played together in games were just due to being high.. he couldn't have feelings for Nam-gyu, could he?

Shaking those thoughts off, Thanos yanked the door open. Finding Nam-gyu sitting on the floor, half naked and basically drowning in tears.

Thanos froze, he wasn't sure how to approach this situation.. well, he never was the best with comforting or dealing with being comforted, but everything had its first time, right?

Carefully and tentatively, Thanos kneeled down in front of Nam-gyu. It was weird to see him like this, and the sight made something tug at his heartstrings. "Nam-gyu?" He called out. "Hey, boy, you okay?" That was a stupid question, damn it! Why Thanos couldn't just.. be good with his words?

But then again, he was always best at showing his feelings through actions than words.

Carefully, he wrapped his arms around Nam-gyu's torso, feeling him flinch and slightly tense up at the touch, and Thanos stayed put, barely even breathing.

And then, Nam-gyu melted against the hug. Clinging to Thanos as if he was the only thing grounding him into reality, face buried into his shoulder as he cried like a lost little kid. Thanos' hands ran through his hair, rubbing circles on his back as he felt his shirt get basically soaked.

"I can't do this anymore- I can't— I- it's.. this money.. it's all someone's life- I killed people in there, I—" Nam-gyu choked out, and Thanos shushed him gently, pulling back just slightly to look at Nam-gyu in the eyes. "Whether or not you did, there's nothing we can do about it. That place does things to people, Nam-gyu. Even if this money is dirty, you can't let it drag you down. Especially when you fought so hard to survive." Thanos said with a small frown in his lips, and Nam-gyu nodded. Even if he didn't believe it much, he nodded along.

His breath was heavy as he sniffled, sobs subsiding within a few minutes that none of them bothered to really count. "You should.. get this off, it looks like it's constricting your chest." Thanos said as he jerked his chin towards the binder Nam-gyu was wearing.

Now that he mentioned it, Nam-gyu noticed that Thanos didn't care about the binder or him being transgender in the slightest, or he simply didn't know.

"I'll leave and you can shower, I left some clothes for you in the bed." Thanos said as he sighed, standing up and pulling Nam-gyu along. Catching the faintest glimpse of bruises underneath the binder due to the flexing skin. "The shirt's big enough, don't wear this crap. Plus, it's slightly sweaty." Thanos said with a grimace more due to trying to give the conversation some sort of happy mood than disgust.

The second Thanos left, Nam-gyu let out a heavy sigh. Closing the door and stripping off his binder and boxers. His body still shivered, maybe he was sick? It would make sense, having eaten nothing but ice in the energy drinks he bought. It was a surprise Nam-gyu hadn't passed out in the middle of the street before.. but maybe not eating was just discounting its signs on how badly his hair was falling and how he was growing weaker.

The warmth of the water engulfing his body made him feel weirdly good— dipping his head underneath the water for a bit, Nam-gyu came back up swearing he could sleep in the bathtub.

But he didn't, Thanos would probably just pull him out and he didn't feel like being seen naked by him.

So, instead, after washing himself properly, Nam-gyu unplugged the drain of the tub and got out, changing into the clothes Thanos separated surprisingly neatly in the bed. And he was right, the shirt was indeed big enough, but then again Nam-gyu's chest wasn't that big.. he just was a tad paranoid about it.

He left his clothes in the corner of the room, getting out and looking to either sides of the hallway that the bedroom led to. Thanos left him alone without giving Nam-gyu directions.. tch, asshole.

Nam-gyu decided it'd be best to follow the humming sounds that Thanos was producing, as much as he hated to admit it, it was surprisingly calming.

He carefully and quietly stepped down the steps, following that same humming sound until he reached the kitchen, and Thanos was.. cooking?

He could see mashed potatoes set inside a small bowl in the counter, and the familiar smell of chicken reached his nose. He stood staring for a bit, until Thanos turned around and gave him a big smile, and Nam-gyu's stomach churned again.. but not out of disgust. Rather, something he refused to acknowledge.

"Hey! Nam-su! Come sit down!" Thanos called out, and now Nam-gyu was sure he got his name messed up on purpose.. moments ago was calling him seriously by his name correctly.

But despite that, he sat down on the stool nearby the counter. Raising his brow at the bowl shoved in front of him, mashed potatoes, veggies, and.. chicken.

"Eat, you must be hungry." Thanos said with a proud smile, and Nam-gyu just stared at the food. All of a sudden remembering everyone who died, the people he killed and... "Nam-su?" Thanos called out, and Nam-gyu came back to reality. "Sorry, not hungry."

Thanos gave him a frown, furrowing his brows and crossing his arms. "Bullshit, your stomach was rumbling when I brought you here. And you.. threw up pure wine, you haven't been eating, have you?" How the hell did Thanos get the story straight? Nam-gyu would never know. But he froze, just staring at Thanos with wife eyes. Then, Thanos sat down by his side. Grabbing the bowl, a spoon and chopsticks, and then finally, looking at Nam-gyu tentatively. "Just a bit, you don't have to eat everything." Thanos suggested with a hopeful gleam in his eyes.

"Come on, my boy. Just a bit!" Thanos said with a huff. And then he seemed to have an idea, filling the spoon with mashed potatoes and bringing it in front of Nam-gyu's face.

Nam-gyu didn't seem to quite like the idea, face heating up when Thanos practically shoved the spoon in his face. But Thanos probably wouldn't let it go regardless of anything, so he just sighed snd opened his mouth.

The taste of mashed potatoes filled his mouth and Nam-gyu swore he could feel his tastebuds burst with the flavor, so different from bland ice and drinks. He was surprised about how he didn't feel like throwing it all up, maybe it was because the food was really light, Thanos really could be thoughtful when he wanted to.

They repeated the same process until halfway through the food, and then Nam-gyu shook his head, not being able to really take any more bites. Sitting in silence with Thanos was always comfortable, but this time it felt different.

"I wish they dropped me off with you, y'know." Thanos said with a heavy sigh, leaning both arms on his thighs. Nam-gyu's eyebrows shot up at that, how come? He would have wanted to ask, but preferred to stay quiet. "I would have made sure you were okay, and have eaten sooner. I don't think you've been.. eating well lately, you're thinner than you were back in the game and we were fed small ass portions of food." Thanos then looked at Nam-gyu in the eyes, and in the moment, Nam-gyu felt his breath being sucked away.

Thanos' eyes, normally blown from drugs and normally wild, were weirdly soft. For a moment, the room fell into a comfortable silence, just the two of them staring at each other, as if spiritually asking each other for things none of them could vocally express.

And then, Thanos was moving closer in front of him, giving him one last glamce before their lips met in a passionate and yet desperate kiss. It was as if both of them were longing for that for a long time.

Once they pulled apart, Nam-gyu met Thanos' eyes again and he swore the weight of the world was in them, and then all of a sudden Nam-gyu found out why his stomach churned at the sight of Thanos.

Tugging at Thanos' shirt, their lips met again, and again, and again. Every time they pulled back, not seeming to get enoigh of the feeling, their lips always found its way back to each other.

Thanos had his hands settled on Nam-gyu's waist, Nam-gyu had his hands tangled in Thanos' hair as they both moved to the couch.

And then, their lips parted one last time. Nam-gyu was practically draped all over Thanos, head on his chest and Thanos' chin rested atop his head. Silence reigned over them, until Nam-gyu broke it, only for a split second. "Can you.. hum that song again?" He asked, closing his eyes. He didn't get a yes or a no, instead, he got a humming. Maybe it was from how peaceful Nam-gyu felt, but falling asleep was easier this time ever since he left the games.

Maybe all he needed was someone who would get it, someone who would be just a little patient and help him come forward rather than staying stuck in the past.

#124 x 230 #230 x 124 #choi su bong #nam gyu #player 124 #player 230 #squid game season 2 #thangyu #thagyu #thanos x nam gyu

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catsandcataclysms · 2 days ago

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Oooh so I don't know much about real-life science, but science fiction science-- especially regarding other species-- is always SUPER fun for me. Here's some of my thoughts on some of your theories!!!

If they're precocial and basically able to survive on their own right away

We know, via book #19 and Aftran, that Yeerks are split from their parents:

"Three Yeerks [...] literally join together, with three bodies becoming one. Then that one body begins to fragment [...] into smaller pieces, grubs[...] The body disintegrates, and each grub that falls away becomes another Yeerk."

I suppose it's true that we don't know much about Yeerk Grubs, but caterpillar grubs tend to immediately start eating. Of course, social insects like wasps, bees, ants, etc are tended to by The Hive, but this is usually in a specialized location. From what we know of Yeerk culture and society (which is admittedly very little), I believe the implication here is that the grubs are in fact able to survive on their own, at least to a certain degree as you mentioned with baby deer.

Is taking a host a key stage of yeerk development, one that changes how the yeerk sees the world?

Aftran in #19 again:

"Oh, you can’t imagine! You can’t imagine the first time you enter a Gedd brain and seize control and suddenly, you are seeing! Seeing! Colors! Shapes! It’s a miracle. To be blind and then to see! [...] Do you see those flowers? Do you see the sunlight? Do you see the birds flying? You hate me for wanting that? You hate me because I won’t spend my life blind? You hate me because I won’t spend my life swimming endlessly in a sea of sludge, while humans like you live in a world of indescribable beauty?”

Which has my vote for "yes". But one Yeerk's experience does not a scientific conclusion make, so I'm going to pull from a lesser-remembered (or at least lesser-discussed) scene here-- that of Esplin 9466 himself, from The Hork-Bajir Chronicles.

But there were no host bodies available, not on this spacecraft. So we lived in our pool. As simple Yeerks must. And I would have lived happily enough. [...] I waited [to enter a host] impatiently, afraid. I admit it: afraid. You hear stories about what it’s like. About the hallucinatory sensory input. About the strange sensation of having another mind under your control. About the extension of your own body through unfamiliar limbs. But you don’t know till you do it. [...] Only someone who has done it can understand. It was … it was beyond description. Suddenly, I was not just myself, I was something much larger. Where my body ended, a second body began, so that very soon I forgot my own body entirely. [...] Oh! How can I explain it? The power! The joy! The feeling that I had suddenly grown huge, vast, powerful.

Which certainly seems to make it a key developmental stage! If nothing else, it lends credibility to the idea that a yeerk could be persuaded to think themselves human under the right circumstances.

However, directly after that scene, we have this:

Afterward I communicated with my friends and siblings. Many of them found the whole experience terrifying. Sickening. Awful. Not me. From that moment on, I swore that I would do whatever it took, pay any price, to have eyes again.

So I feel regardless of whether the experience is positive or negative, it is absolutely a fundamental developmental stage, imo. But it also heavily shows the bias-- the yeerks we most often see are the yeerks with hosts. Yeerks who prefer to live without hosts seem to be of... a larger majority than one might think due to, again, bias by only seeing the ones who do have hosts.

I don't have a direct conclusion or anything, but I think this honestly says so much about Yeerk culture and their development. There's just so much we can extrapolate from teeny tiny little tidbits... I love this series.

what if a yeerk didn't know/realize it was a yeerk? What if it thought it was a human kid?

I'm trying to figure out how this would happen, and imagination is failing me. There is some evidence we've successfully convinced nonhumans that they're humans — Nim Chimpsky would sort photos of himself among photos of humans, putting photos of chimps in a different pile. But Nim was a chimpanzee, sharing 99% of humans' genes. And he was taken from his mother when he was 10 days old to be raised exclusively by humans: sleeping in a bed, wearing clothes, eating with utensils, peeing in a toilet. He'd never met another chimp at the time of that study.

By our best guess, dogs don't think they're human, nor do most pets. Dogs easily learn to prefer humans (or sheep, cows, etc.) over other dogs, but the way they act around fellow dogs is completely different from how they act around other mammals of similar size/shape. This is both because dogs mostly spend their first weeks among their parents and siblings (if not they tend to die, so even shitty breeders rarely take bottle babies), and because dogs have obvious physical differences from humans. Being dogs, they probably care less that we lack fur or use language than that we smell like omnivores who rub themselves with soap, and that we move very differently from quadrupeds. Cats are harder to pin down, but they famously don't meow at each other, only at the dumb apes whose affection or tuna sandwiches they want to demand. I don't think anyone's investigated hamsters or goldfish, but I'm guessing the odds are against one mistaking a giant hand that comes from the sky to dispense pellets for being one's sibling.

So the issue with this hypothetical yeerk is threefold: 1) yeerks don't resemble humans, 2) yeerks need to see each other to feed, and 3) yeerks can't interact with humans without using a human host. Let's suppose that the yeerk is taken into a human home immediately after spawning, that the yeerk shows infantile amnesia (who knows), and that the yeerk grows up only feeding from a private pool that contains no other yeerks. Let's even suppose that we give the yeerk a Stephenie Meyer—style human host who is completely brain dead. Even under those circumstances, would the yeerk think "I'm human"? or would the yeerk think "all so-called humans are greenish slugs operating ape bodies like mech suits; we just don't mention this fact out loud"? And is that the same thing as thinking oneself human?

For that matter, did Nim Chimpsky really think he was human, or do his two piles of pictures simply mean "apes who wear clothes" and "apes who don't"? If he assumed all apes have a life stage of being hairy and good at climbing before metamorphosing into a hairless form good at running, is that the same thing as thinking himself human? Was there a different categorization in his head, and if so was it comparable to the boundaries that humans draw around the concept "human" — e.g. "like-mes" and "beasts"? He never actually learned a human language, because evidence would suggests apes cannot, so we'll never know his exact thought process.

#!#animorphs #long post #it definitely REALLY has me wondering more about their physiology and stuff ngl #because it seems to imply a significant margin of yeerks DON'T want hosts. evolution etc implies this to mean it's a GOOD thing #which... actually probably DOES make sense. if hosts weren't so readily available on their homeworld (which they weren't)#it would be a massive evolutionary advantage to have yeerks that are just a-okay with that. idk #much to think about...#aough

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dont-look-its-embarrassing · 3 hours ago

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Inner Ace

This summary is a bit long winded, so I apologize for the pre-read to the actual story, it just gives a lot of contexts to where I am going to start the story off.

Summary: When the Archerons where all but banished to the forests, struck with bad luck and poverty from their once luxurious lifestyle, there was one person who cared how the family survived. Y/n. Having always lived on the edge of society and just above starving from her forever grieving mother and recently vacated father, she learned to keep her life afloat. Running into a young Feyre in the woods, almost mistaking her for the wind, elder (although only by a couple years) Y/n took her under her wing and became the mentor and sister that she never knew despite the two of them that shared her name. When Feyre was taken by the Fae, Y/n was distraught, waiting and searching the border every day during her hunts. That is, until one day there is a knock on her door, behind it stood the very woman she ever considered family, but she isn't alone, and why are her ears pointy? Who are these men with wings? Why can she not look away from one of them?

Warnings: slight swearing, Nesta AND Elaine SLANDER (sorry you cannot have one without the other), slight anxiety, alcohol mention, family reuniting fluffy feelings, (almost) instant attraction (Idk if this is a warning but some people don't like it moving quick), slow burn (to an actual established romance)

I do want to make this a series, as I adore the thought of Feyre having a best friend before the IC who taught her the ropes. Plus, there could be a fun little spin and some angst with a potential mate that is SO low hanging fruit to me.

Enjoy!!

The wind howled outside the thin walls of Y/n's home. The slight chill in the air despite being housed within them made her shiver and shift herself towards the kindling fire in the quaint fireplace in her living room.

It was bitter out when Y/n heard a knock come from her front door. Not expecting company, she had figured it was Elaine with some other excuse to get her to sway Nesta into doing some task. Responding with a small “Coming” she hustled to the door.

Who she opened it to was not who was expected, but only someone she had prayed every day to see again.

“Feyre?” Her voice shook and she swore she saw a small shadow dart out of the corner of her eye. Blaming it on the still boiling water for the food she had yet to make in the kitchen, she dismissed it.

“Hey Y/n.” The smile that overtook Y/n's face as with a motion of open arms, her best friend all but launched herself into her embrace. The strength in which Feyre landed made Y/n take a step to steady themselves, but she didn't think twice to return the embrace.

“Oh thank the gods." her voice was a whisper as Y/n's habit of stroking the younger girls' hair picked up. Although, it seemed to have missed a couple inches as instead of meeting the crown of her head, her hand landed at the back of her skull. "I thought I would never see you again.” The last breath of air in her lungs followed this exclamation, followed by inhaling as much of the girl as she could.

“Didn’t have faith I would make it back huh?” Feyre raised a brow before hearing a small chuckle. When that corrupt Fae had taken Feyre, he had allowed her a simple visit once (to y/n's knowledge, she never trusted Feyre's sisters to tell her the truth about her visits). Through this, Y/n was unable to see her best friend even the off chance she would come back over the border. From the mouth of the middle sister, Elaine, Feyre had asked them to send message that she was okay and not to worry as she would see Y/n soon. This was before the Archerons gained the financial backing of the very Fae that stole Feyre. It was a jarring image of a once fragile Elaine (although still beautiful) now adorned in clean and well sewn dress. The whole situation was still sour in Y/n's mouth.

“Not even. I knew you would get out, don’t discredit my teaching skills like that.” Pulling back from Y/n, Feyre couldn’t help the smile that took over her features, as if analyzing the girl's condition, before embracing the Y/n once again.

When returning to the oddly taller Feyre's embrace, a slight brush of skin coming from the girl upon Y/n's cheek startled her slightly. Only then did Y/n take note of the small physical change her friend had adorned.

“Woah there," She pulled away turning Feyre's head to the side while scaling her appendage with confusion, " you are going to poke my eye out with this.”

Lightly flicking the now sharpened ear Feyre took in a breath, turning her head back and taking her wrist, gently pulling it down to rest still intertwined by her side. Sensing the slight nervousness from Feyre, Y/n pulled her inside fully positioning herself to begin closing the door, scanning the area to make sure nobody had seen her best friend enter.

“They kind of suit you Fey, but I do expect a full explanation." The breath Feyre held released and an easy smile lifted her face once again. She knew Y/n would still be on her side. The countless days they spent together, the things they learned together, the secrets they share. Feyre's body visibly relaxed realizing that despite all that her best friend had heard and experienced with Fae, she truly just cared that Feyre was okay. "Although, if you plan on going outside, I demand you take the hood I made for our hunts. The bigger one. I don't need any nosey neighbor seeing you and coming for your head with a spike.

“Of course.” The door shut behind them before the Feyre realized as she lost her train of thought and why she was truly here. Quickly, as if the little lock clicking switched her brain back to focus, she rushed out a quick, “I have a favor to ask.”

“Anything, you know that.” Y/n slightly scorned as she turned away to go heat up some drinks for the two of them in the kitchen. Seriously, she didn’t care about the trouble; she was just happy her friend was back and healthy (although the new appendages did have her at a bit of a loss). Feyre smiled before making way over to the small living room, sitting down on one of the now plush seats that sat around the fire. It was updated from when she last remembered this room. Back then it was colder, less like home, but the little decorative flares of Y/n brought the small and impoverished place to life.

“Me and some friends have to try and talk to my sisters into helping us win a war,” She stated. Rip the band aid off and all.

“Don’t see how they are going to be much help.” Y/n couldn’t help but mutter but given the slightly scorning glare from Feyre she raised her hands in submission. “Just saying’.”

“As I was saying, a few of my friends need to rest for the night before going over there. Is it okay if we take a couple days and stay here whilst we try and figure out how this is all going to work?” Y/n smiled before setting a cup of warmed tea beside her friend.

"Are they..." Y/n didn't know how to go about asking without making it sound like her best friend was a monster now, but Feyre understood once she trailed off.

"Yes." Looking off to the side Y/n watched as her best friend's face bloomed into a smile she thought only reserved for when they were together. As if Y/n's heart couldn't get any warmer. "I do have to add though, they have some extra... Attributes."

Y/n quirked her brow in question, but if their heritage was any louder than Feyre's in front of her, if word got out that she willingly let them in, it wouldn't end well.

To put it bluntly, Fey was asking something of her that could get her maimed, tortured and killed.

“Of course.” She replied without much else behind her reasoning aside from the love she had for who asked her. Feyre’s friends were hers (despite the rather ominous implication of attributes) and she lived with loyalty for the girl. Plus, she had an inkling one of the reasons Feyre looked so happy and healthy was from these ‘friends’ so she didn’t mind as much.

Without missing a beat, the fae girl looked to Y/n with warmth and took a drink of her warmed beverage.

“I missed you.” Feyre spoke as another knock sounded at the door.

“Have they been outside this whole time?!" The possibility of the 'friends' being seen while waiting outside the house sent Y/n into a flurry of motion to open the door again. With her Feyre chuckling behind her. Without so much a glance to who she was inviting in, Y/n had ushered them in quickly. “In, in! It’s cold and I don't need the town coming for my head sooner rather than later.”

The girl didn’t even give herself time to process that two of them had wings and the third no doubted was simply hiding them as his stature imitated the other two.

Shutting the door, a beat of silence passed over the house as she truly looked at each man.

There where Fae in her house... Three rather large male Fae.

The attributes comment made sense now.

Y/n took a shaky breath with a wavering 'okay~' to follow before darting off to the small kitchen to prep herself and provide some hospitality to the newfound friends of Feyre.

Only for a second however, for she returned with three more mugs of the warm drink that Feyre was already halfway done with.

“These are for you.” Y/n emphasized keeping her voice steady as she handed them the steaming beverage. One of them had glanced at Feyre in a slight question as she raised her mug towards him.

"It's better than I remembered actually." Feyre's statement had Y/n glancing over to her but assumed that the conversation between them had taken place a time ago. He had taken a sip with the assurance and nodded in appreciation at the beverage.

"Thank you." His voice was smooth, that with his partnered purple eyes, Y/n had shrunk slightly under his gaze. Although it was nice of him to show an appreciation. The other two next had also nodded along, Y/n didn't see them take a swig but assumed they had tried it as well.

“Please, sit and make yourself comfortable.” The human girl mentioned to the couches and took the opportunity to analyze more closely the people in her house. The one who talked was the shortest, but not by much. His stature was also the leanest, but she doubted it meant any lack of strength with the way his posture stood. Following him was one of the winged ones. Taller, in fact looking over him again Y/n believed him to be the tallest of the bunch. He was the strongest looking out of the three, with longer hair and red stones adorning his attire. The final man to take a seat seemed to be the most reluctant to do so. Adorned with blue stones that seemed to pulse with his slight nerves that Y/n spotted above his brow bone, she imagined he was just as hesitant as she was. His gaze was unwavering as he briefly met Y/n's, the color hazel had her lost in them. However, that wasn't the only thing that caught her attention, but the silk tendrils of what looked like smoke that wove through the air around him. Even in the sheer moments it took for them to situate themselves, Y/n found herself engrossed in watching the way they danced through the air.

It was then she realized she wasn't scared of them, at least not that one

As they placed themselves, Y/n met eyes with her best friend once more, catching the furrowed expression on Feyre's face as she attempted to read her. Upon catching Y/n's eyes trailing the last male, that notorious shit eating grin spread over her face but hid it with the ceramic mug still in her hands.

Y/n narrowed her eyes at the girl.

As they sat, purple eyes were next to Feyre, red stone guy in the middle and blue man closest to her on the homemade seating. Luckily, she had made another seat not too long ago when she was sick and couldn't hunt for the week, this was where she situated herself. Although, it didn't help that the most distracting man was sat not a couple feet away from her. Not that she minded, just the slight breeze of the darkness countered the heat of the being which already had her attention drawn over to him in curiosity. As the men with wings shifted the tug of nerves in her chest seemed to relax when he specifically folded his wings slightly behind himself to make room on the couch. If he caught her staring at him, he didn't make any motion in showing her.

“Normally we wouldn’t just crash into a place like this unexpectedly, but we thought the best idea was to configure what was going to happen these next few days.” The wingless one started, breaking the ice quickly and efficiently. Y/n nodded along and offered a small smile but glad that she didn't have to start the conversation with such strong presences in the room.

“That's understandable.” Y/n offered a small nod as she caught Feyre's gaze. One thing the Archeron girl knew for sure was that Y/n didn't want to step on any toes or speak out of turn. This was a new area for her despite how these males where family now to Feyre. So, as Feyre watched Y/n look towards her with a slight ask for an introduction all she could do was nod and allow her to initiate it herself.

Trial by fire and all that. Feyre knew she would be fine but a part of her couldn't help but glean with amusement as she had never seen her best friend so hesitant. Just as she knew she would, the human girl spoke up.

"I'm sorry, but what are your names?" Y/n had tried with all her being to keep her head about her and steady her vocal cords. For this however she suffered the price of being quiet. "I don't want to be rude and refer to you by your colors."

"Colors?" The red stoned one inquired. It wasn't taunting or teasing, but simply curious and slightly amused in tone. Without so much as opening up her mouth to speak, Y/n pointed a hesitantly to the man closest to hers' stone on his hand.

An almost silent chuckle from the said man next to her caused a small heat to run its course to her face before she sipped her drink quickly to cover the color that followed. It wasn’t unnoticed by Feyre who all but whipped her head to her and looked between the two of them. Her eyes widened and shot a look back at the wingless man, again that same smirk adorned her face. He seemed to nod her way before starting. It sent Y/n into a small spiral.

“I am Rhysand, High Lord of the Night Court." The breath was caught in Y/n's throat. "Here you have Cassian, my lead general for my armies,” mentioning towards the red rock male accompanied by a small wave by the man. He seemed to try and break the ice slightly by offering a large grin towards the girl, “and Azriel, my Spymaster.”

The weight of who exactly sat in her little house sat heavily on Y/n's shoulders. These weren't just Fae; these people were important and extremely powerful.

The nerves that were settling tidal waved her body again. However, with or without her knowledge, a slight breeze against her ankle had her thoughts disrupted and nerves paused as her attention was taken back to the more broodish male next to her. His eyes seemed to have been gaging her reaction prior to her catching him as he held the gaze for a moment. Y/n was thankful for the reprieve as she still let herself linger on his outline.

The Spymaster slightly bowed his head in her direction and she did it back out of pure instinct to brush off the ogling she had obviously been doing. Without noticing a small hand brushed Rhys across the room to assess the building curiosity and tension of the two.

Without Y/n's knowledge, during Feyre's time in the night court, she had recalled memories of Y/n and her while telling her new family about the few happy memories she had back in the human lands. The males in the room had all known about the human best friend prior, even holding her in a very high regard through the love and care that she had for their now high lady. As Feyre had gone more in depth with these memories, conversations over wine and late-night chats with the inner court had taken place, most of these concluding that Y/n would not only be an asset amongst them but someone's (specifically a silent-type spymaster) favorite person to talk to.

Feyre had insisted behind closed doors to her mate that the two would be a match made by the gods. Seeing them in person, Rhys couldn't help but agree.

Their personalities eerily matched, the strength. Hells, even their outward looks matched each other.

Taking a breath, the human girl let the conversation continue.

"It is a pleasure to meet all of you." Going on out on a limb Y/n had cleared her throat, "Any friend of Feyre is a friend of mine so please make yourselves at home and I will add more servings to dinner tonight.” Quickly, Y/n excused herself before she could make a fool out of herself once again with her eyes towards a certain man. She opened the pantry to grab some of the preserved meat to begin a marinade and placed it on the counter.

More hushed whispers made its way into the room from no doubt her friend poking for information, but Y/n paid no mind and allowed herself to become engrossed in the work ahead of her upon realizing that she would need to go out before the sun set any further to get some more supplies for the week as her stock was not enough as is.

In the other room, the high lady was all but giddy.

“What was that?” Feyre asked towards the shadowsinger. The lot turned to look at Azriel, all expecting some sort of answer.

"I don't know what you mean." Bluntly put, he didn't. To go more in depth with the strangeness of the past couple minutes, he had tacked it up to the budding affections for the woman based on the loving stories he had heard from Feyre, nothing more. Although the others where not convinced in the slightest.

"She seems sweet, hesitant, but sweet." He attempted to take the attention away from himself before Rhys knocked back the rest of the tea in his mug.

“Keep telling yourself that.” He smirked and turned towards his mate. Cassian, ever so clueless, gave a shrug and turned towards Feyre as well.

“I agree though, she is nice.” He began, “I thought humans hated us.”

“They do, you will see that when you meet my sisters and evidentially the queens.” Feyre began, also playing with the homemade ceramic cup as she had finished moments ago. “Y/n is different. She doesn’t judge and is loyal to no end. If you three showed up without me asking for help she probably would've shot you," Cassian winced but nodded at the image, "however she has made it clear growing up together that anyone that gained my trust has gained hers.”

"Well, hopefully we can all gain another ally here in the human lands. Give someone Azriel can bunk with when he's over here." The smug tone in Rhys's voice was obvious. The Spymaster stiffened in his spot at the inclination and tease but relaxed upon hearing the girl return from the kitchen, realizing she had most likely not heard the comment. Although, he didn't understand why he was so on edge around the female.

“Now I don’t have that many bedrooms, and by that many I mean I have two. You four should be able to fit fine as long as a pair of you share, there are only three beds.” The human girl began sitting down ever so slightly closer, to who she now knows as Azriel, and then continued. “I’ll be down here on the couch so you all can have your privacy.”

The aspect of the girl before him sleeping on an uncomfortable plush chair didn’t jive the best with Azriel as he watched Cassian turn towards her and give one of his show stopping smiles with a small ‘Thanks’ to follow. She returned it and then looked towards Rhys offering herself slightly. She seemed more confident now, settled with the information that had been piled onto her prior.

“If you guys want some privacy, I can go make myself busy for a couple hours. I need to see if there is any migration in the hunt this year so I can start curing it. The sun is setting soon so I need to go sooner rather than later” Feyre turned towards her with a confused startle, one that Y/n took as her calling her out on trying to leave. "I just need to be gone for a bit, it'll give you all time and me time to make sure you also weren't found." She attempted to assure, but that wasn't what had Feyre so obviously now upset.

“You still hunt?” The girl knew the dangers of the woods just outside the door purely because Y/n had taught her such, but why would she still need to exert herself and put herself in danger, Feyre didn't know. She was still young, older than Feyre had been prior to meeting Rhys yes, but why she would willingly still put herself at risk was a loss to the group. All of them had the understanding that a specific high lord was supposed to provide for the loved ones of Feyre. Call it protective instinct, but they had grown slightly attached to the girl, even more so now that they had officially met. "Y/n, why would you still go out and hunt. I mean I know you like your time and I this house holds memories, so I see why you stayed despite it all..." Y/n had tilted her head in question, taking a moment as Feyre continued to speak. "But you taught me yourself, it isn't safe out there and to put yourself in danger unnecessarily seems reckless."

It clicked with Y/n upon hearing her best friend finish her thoughts. The hunch that she had about the Fae and Feyre's sister's status came back into her mind as all her theories about her being left for the wolves (figuratively and literally) were confirmed. Sighing, Y/n placed her bow around her back, looking to Feyre with warmth. She had to try and break this gently as not to further ruin the strained relationship amongst her sisters.

“The Fae you bargained with said he would provide for your family, loved ones...” All tension left her as understanding emanated through her pores, it was almost palpable. He didn't know why, but as she met Feyre’s eyes made Azriel’s heart throb, “I’m not blood related Feyre.”

"That shouldn't have mattered. I said family and loved ones. The aid that came to Elain and Nesta should've been extended to you as well." A small wince ricocheted off Y/n's features, but she schooled it back quickly as to not enrage the fae woman more.

"They needed it more."

The realization upon the girl's face crushed Y/n slightly and she backtracked quickly.

“Don’t worry though! It’s not like I had any family to care for since everyone left so my sources weren't drained as much,” She winced as almost all eyes turned to her as she was not helping her case, “Hunting isn’t too bad lately and I have some leftover stock when I need it.”

“He didn’t help you. They didn't help you...” Y/n chuckled before pure disbelief rooted from Feyre’s. “Ace, I am so sorry. I thought you would be involved in the aid or that they would make sure you got some, I didn’t mean for you to be left-”

The nickname pulled strings within Y/n's heart, all the while everyone in the room had felt theirs crack and fill with flames towards the high lord of spring and the blood relatives of Feyre.

“Angel, it’s okay. To be honest it didn’t register with me either until the riches came for your family and I was left.” The boys glanced towards the human girl, one looked prolonged and had an urge to send her a comforting word despite his confused mentality. Rhys sensed the distress his mate still felt as she watched Y/n try to break the awkwardness as she slipped the bow off her shoulders and picked up her quiver. All the while Azriel couldn’t control the small lick of shadows that wrapped around her ankle and gently rippled towards her in a comforting manner, pulling her gently back to the sitting room and hearth.

“What is this?” She questioned before reaching out and having another small tendril wrap around her wrist and lay in her palm almost as if looking at her. The swirl of the black and what seemed to be a small abyss entrapped her attention as an Illyrian held his breath in a slight surprise. “Well, hello.”

The shadow rippled towards her and ran up her arm slowly as she murmured at how pretty it looked. Y/n didn't truly know to what extent the fae's hearing could go as if she did, she most likely would have kept her mouth shut about the beauty of the wisp. Heat had flushed Azriel's ears, subtle enough to hide, but not enough for him to ignore the stir in his chest. Normally, Az would pull the darkness back, not allow them to roam as freely as not to scare someone by accident. However, with the girl's soft expression from her moment with Feyre, and the gentleness that she held her hands out to cup the shadow. He couldn’t help but allow the shadow to explore and settle before the girl’s ear. He allowed the shadows at his back whisper everything they found about her as they did their assessment.

Genuine. Gentle. Keep. We like. We like. Soft. We like.

For a human, Y/n was beautiful, effortlessly so. Azriel didn't need his shadows to tell him that much.

Y/n didn't know if this was offensive to partake in or just a normal weeknight occurrence with the dark tendrils. She had glanced at Feyre from across the room but couldn't catch her eye as she seemed lost in thought.

A breath in her ear startled Y/n so much she jumped. Someone had whispered in her ear, but taking count of everyone as they were, nobody stood next to her. Y/n naturally queried her head and listened further as to hear it again if it decided to repeat its' actions.

“Is it talking to you?” Cassian prompted, almost awestruck. The human gave a quick shake of her head, still remaining quiet.

"No, no. I don't think so anyway." Turning her head back to them again she shrugged, "It just felt like someone breathed against my ear."

"They are cool aren't they?" Feyre goaded from across the room. "When I first met them I couldn't help but want to know more."

"Feyre darling, when you first met them, Cass had to assure you they didn't bite..." A small thwack sounded in the room as Cassian laughed at the memory and now narrowed eyes of the High Lord to his lady.

“They are soft.” She muttered back, not truly focused on the now appeased atmosphere. “They feel soft.” A sigh escaped Azriel in a twisted sense of relief. However, without realizing it, that one breath costed him a split second of control on the wisps as a larger bunch followed the single to where it stood wrapped around the nape of Y/n's neck. As a physical reaction, he had attempted to grab it back, but to no avail.

Y/n had frozen, looking at the Spymaster in a slightly panicked fashion.

"This isn't going to like..." Y/n winced again but deadpanned her features to bring a little humor into the situation, "...kill me, right? I don't think they make headstones explaining 'death by mist' here."

Cassian and Feyre had let out a laugh at the image while Rhys let a smile reach his eyes. As for Azriel, all the poor male could do was shake his head, not trusting his voice. As he watched her, he could've sworn there was a twinkle within her eye at the darkness that normally shrouded him.

It did bring a sense of peace to himself and satisfy an urge he didn’t know he had.

“These things talk to you?" The question rung out of Y/n with confidence. Whatever nerves she had prior with the bunch seeming to truly run from her body. Rhys looked towards the shadow singer in confirmation, while again, Azriel simply nodded his head. This girl truly had him lost for words.

“Well do you all have a name?” The question was not asked towards the bunch in front of Y/n. No, Y/n believed to ask the wisps that were at Az's beck and call if they had a name. Azriel cocked his head. Did she just ask if the shadows had a name? The smile that spread over Azriel's face was almost contagious. A small giggle fascinated him from his thoughts and Y/n noted the ripple of dark that now snuck fully away from the winged man she was undeniably but in denial about being attracted to.

“Is that a weird question?"

"No, not at all." Az tried to play it off, his image was on the line here.

"His shadows are basically an extension of himself Y/n." Cassian slung an arm around the back of the seat to turn more towards her. "It's his 'emotions and unconscious thoughts' type stuff that controls them if he doesn't think about it."

"Oh." Her face flushed. "Oops."

"Don't worry about it." It was rushed, but the assurance hit Y/n as she offered a smile.

“Az, I think your shadows have a new favorite.” Azriel shot Cassian a glare before slightly softening towards the girl. For some reason, he didn’t mind the slight intrusion. The aspect of her being close to something that could protect her and be with her no matter what eased an instinctual itch that he could only remember feeling towards his High lady upon her ascension. This ran deeper, but the itch was there, nonetheless.

“I’m glad you like them." Another small lick of the tendril eased its way behind her ear as the rest slinked back towards the spymaster and he immediately found himself focusing on questioning what they talked about and why they reacted to her in such a way.

Warm. Sneaking glances. Hope.

Busy bodies.

“Oh, they definitely have a new favorite.” Rhys couldn’t help but give a smirk towards Y/n before standing and asking where the rooms were for the night, he wished to wash up from their journey. Jumping, Y/n had corrected herself before reaching for the door, adjusting to the leftover sunlight of the forest.

“Of course! Where are my manners? It's up those stairs and to the left for you two.” She turned to Feyre, “You get my room. You know how to work the bath.”

Grateful, Feyre bowed slightly and sent a wink before following the man up the stairs.

“You two are getting the guest room, there are two beds which should fit,” She shot a look towards the massive wings behind them, “most of you.”

Cassian laughed.

Notes:

I hope you enjoyed! I am going to hopefully continue this with little inserts throughout the story to keep it interesting. I had a whole years' worth of one-shots that I am trying to re-vamp to this plot line, but if anyone has any requests do let me know! I don't have anything on my page about requests, but my inbox is open if anyone wants to shoot one my way.

#acotar #azriel #azriel x reader #cassian #rhysand #feyre archeron #azriel x you #azriel acotar #slow burn #azriel x human reader #best friend feyre

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literary-illuminati · 1 day ago

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2025 Book Review #4 – Gardens of the Moon by Steven Erikson

In the time between first hearing about Malazan and finally reading this, I have seen its reputation peak as The Only Fantasy Series anyone online recommended (long since dethroned by Sanderson), get submerged in the backlash, and finally just seem to fade from discourse entirely. In that time, I have been relentlessly peer-pressured and bullied (affectionate) into giving this ten-book saga a chance. And so, as a project for 2025, I will be endeavouring to get through it. Gardens, if it doesn’t live up to the hype (an impossible ask, really), is at least a very entertaining and engaging piece of sprawling epic fantasy to start it off.

Set in a sprawling, ancient fantasy world Gardens of the Moon is (to generalize and simplify) about the attempts of the Malzan Empire to conquer Darujhistan, last and greatest of the Free Cities, before the simmering discontent among its inner provinces and much-abused legions erupts into full scale rebellion. It is also about the various gods and immortals involving themselves in those attempts, most obviously the immortal (basically) elven sorcerer-lord Anomander Rake and his private war against the empire, but also including between at least two entirely unrelated sets of ascendant demigods and their schemes. The story is told through a whole myriad of different points of view, at least half of whom are fighting for the position of ‘main character’ in the narrative structure.

This is very much Map Fantasy, both literally (there are in fact maps and lexicons included in my copy) and figuratively – which is to say, in both tone and the tropes its drawing upon this is very much Epic High Fantasy in the Tolkeinesque tradition. It is, I’m told, actually based in some way on the author’s D&D campaigns – and if I hadn’t been told, I would have guessed. I cannot remember the last time I read a story where the setting and Lore so obviously preceded and is considered by the author to be as or more important than the particular narrative currently being told with it. Very nearly every single character, setting and concept that’s introduced feels like it’s being re-introduced, having already been the centre of a whole story in their own right in some other book. Which does an excellent job of making the world really feel like it has history, but does also just start to get exhausting at a certain point, and makes keeping track of the actual stakes more than a little difficult.

I want to say I came into this story blind, but that’s not really correct – I knew nothing at all about the story, but I’ve had a friend telling my little tidbits about the lore and metaphysics for years now. This was probably incredibly helpful for my reading experience – even compared to the rest of the genre, this is a story absolutely in love with Proper Nouns, even for fairly traditional fantasy concepts and tropes. If you just go with the flow and let them wash over you until the context clues start piling up I think you’ll probably do okay? But I can’t lie and say already knowing what e.g. a tiste, jaghut or warren was when I started didn’t help.

With that proviso – the series’ whole imposing reputation as impossible dense and indecipherable feels very overblown to me? Even if the exact mechanics of magic and godhood are pretty opaque, (almost) everyone’s motivations and desires are pretty clear and I was never at all confused by what was actually happening on-page or (in the character/motivation sense) why. Aside from the sheer number of POVs and nested subplots, in narrative terms it seems like fairly conventional, traditional (if higher powered and more magic-heavy) epic fantasy. Though saying that, I actually cannot remember the last time I actually read another example of the genre (would Witch King count?), so maybe my memory’s a bit warped here.

The book honestly surpassed my expectations going into it – or better to say perhaps that I had worries that proved to be unfounded. I was anxious going in that this would just be 700 pages of exposition and table-setting for the actual story that would unfold over the other nine books. Thankfully, while there was some of that (Tattersail’s whole arc, especially) you very much do get a complete narrative with its own stakes, climax, and conclusion here. If this was a standalone book, I’d be slightly annoyed at all the extraneous tangents, but it would hardly feel like I’d wasted my time. Which is more than you can say for some series these days.

But not to damn with faint praise - reading the book, I do absolutely get at least some of where the reputation comes from. Everything about the world does just oozes with care and attention, the plots cohere and occasionally compel, there are a number of really incredibly memorable set-pieces, and I actually like a solid fraction of the POVs. It’s probably the best execution of epic fantasy I can remember reading.

The ensemble cast is I feel either the greatest strength or most fatal flaw of the book as a reading experience. I always love the cast-of-thousands feel, but when taken to this level I’m sure a lot of people find it alienating and confusing. Admittedly I probably loved it more than usual here because some of the characters most heavily signposted and weighed down with narrative significance as The Protagonists were also just by far the least interesting or compelling parts of the book (I’m sorry but I simply do not care about Whiskeyjack even slightly, even leaving aside how he spent the entire book making things strictly worse and breaking things for unclear benefit to anyone).

The book’s character writing is unfortunately uneven, at least as far as drives and motivations though. Sometimes it’s interesting and subtle, somethings it sensible but a bit baldly stated and tell-don’t-show, and sometimes it feels painfully obvious when revelations and changes of heart occur on the timetable of the plot rather than the reverse (Captain Paran’s sudden-but-total disillusionment with the empire and willingness to risk life and limb for vengeance on his former boss and join an armed rebellion felt especially thinly justified, for such a major character).

Thematically the book is very interested in tyranny and subjugation, though I’m not entirely sure it had anything much to say about them. The portrayal of the Malazan Empire as this horrible world-eating engine of domination is rather significantly undercut by half of the sympathetic POVs we have being agents or officers of it driven to defection/rebellion by a nefarious usurper trying to purge the old guard who made the empire great (I don’t think a single characters says a positive word about the Empress in the entire book? And her only two loyal agents are positioned as the most villainous actual characters in the whole book). It being so prominent gives the history of the setting an appealingly tragic cast, at least.

Anyway yeah, I have quibbles (far too many words spent on characters making vague pronouncements of undescribed plans, some characters/elements introduced in the climax without real foreshadowing or buildup, for a book with this many POVs it comes embarrassingly close to failing the Bechdel Test, etc) but all in all this quite a really fun read. Looking forward to starting the next one next month.

#book review #gardens of the moon #malazan #steven erikson #sff #map fantasy #2025 #20th century

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bnhaobservation · 2 days ago

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Who's to blame when the stakes are missing?

So recently I’ve been hearing people complain about Eri’s Quirk and how it destroyed the stakes and I decided I just wanted to talk about the whole issue BNHA has with stakes and how it’s not tied to the devices it uses, be they Quirk or medical knowledge, but to how it decides to use said devices.

But let’s start with order.

“If anything and everything in a story can be theoretically altered with absolutely no in-universe constraints whatsoever—bound only to the whims of the writers themselves—then why does anything that happens in the story matter?” [State of the Arc Podcast, "The Problem with Time-Travel"]

This is how the tvtropes page “No Permanence, No Stakes” opens.

The lack of stakes is a problem BNHA faces in a way that’s so embarrassing that when it really ends up killing characters many readers ended up doubting they were really dead… or annoying them when the dramatic problem just created ended up being resolved way too easily (see Midoriya’s arms coming back so quickly there was really no point for him to lose them).

The problem though isn’t Eri’s Quirk that can fix everything… it’s that the story never had some solid rules that managed to keep the stakes alive even when in the story existed devices to undo the damage.

What do I mean?

I’m going to talk of another manga, one who had plenty of methods to undo the damage that’s made through the story, but that still managed to keep the stakes alive because it sets rules. This is a shounen which made history, aka “Dragon Ball” by Toriyama Akira (by the way I’ll use only the original Toriyama’s manga for this, forget the side material and the following anime series and manga series, okay? And before you ask “Dragon Ball” isn’t perfect but boy, it did things so much better in this camp and it’s a classic authors study so I don’t get how Horikoshi couldn’t have learnt from it).

In “Dragon Ball” nothing has to be permanent, it seems as if Toriyama had fun trying all the ways he could think of to undo the damage he were to give to his characters and his words… yet each magical device to undo the damage comes with rules. The characters know them, the readers know them and the stakes are created by having the characters move through those rules to use the magical devices that will undo the damage.

Let’s start with the titular artifacts of the series, the “Dragon Ball” (ドラゴンボール), who can be used to fulfill whatever wish you were to have. They come with a large set of rules. First of all you’ve to collect all 7 of them, as they spread themselves through the world each time they fulfill a wish, a task not easy if you don’t have a radar to locate them (and while some characters have it, others don’t). Once they’re collected you need to be the fastest to express your wish because if someone else will beat you on it, it’ll be their wish that will be fulfilled. As said before the Dragon Balls spread themselves after fulfilling a wish… but you can’t try to collect them moments after it as it won’t be possible to track or use them again for a full year. The Earth Dragon Balls also come with the rule they can’t resurrect a person twice, while the Namekian Dragon Balls come with the rule they can resurrect more than one person, although they can fulfill not one but three wishes. Also, if their creators or the dragon they summon die (it’s actually the dragon the one fulfilling the wishes), they stop working.

When in the series there is a Dragon Balls hunt, or the characters need to use them for a wish, they’ve to fight with those limitations. The limitations become stakes, become part of the battle, part of the story. You know that at the end the heroes will manage to use them to undo the damage but the point becomes how they’ll overcome the stakes that will try to stop them from using them? Toriyama did entire arcs playing with those rules, having characters trying to overcome them.

For minor things like characters risking to die but not being dead yet we also have devices that will reverse this.

The story in fact introduces the ‘Senzu’ (仙豆 lit. “Hermit Bean”), which are mystical beans with immense rejuvenation properties. When eaten, a person's physical condition is near-instantly restored to its natural peak. Too bad they aren’t everywhere and you can’t have an endless supply of them. Characters need to get them and to make sure they don’t overuse them. Once they’re out of them, they’re on their own. And, of course, they can be stolen.

Next come the ‘MEDICAL MACHINE’ (メディカルマシーン), large containers filled with some form of liquid that can completely heal a person from near death. Of course they’re owned by the big bad of the series so it’s not so easy to get free access to them, they need time to heal the person who wants to use them, time during which the person can’t move from them, and can be destroyed.

We’ve then the ‘kaifuku’ (回復 “Healing” Lit. “time again”), which refers to a variety of special techniques used throughout the series to restore physical condition… only not everyone know how to use such technique, so you’ve to find someone who can use it and the user can be killed by an enemy.

But what if a person truly dies?

Well, if are given special permission, they can go back on Earth. Limitation? It works for one day only and they need permission to do so.

And if all this isn’t enough?

Just grab the ‘TIME MACHINE’ (タイムマシン) and redo everything. Be mindful though that only 1 person has a time machine, that the time machine can be broken or stolen and that, if you go back to the past and do something, you’ll alter it and you can’t predict how or if it’ll go for the better or worse. Also your timeline WON’T CHANGE AT ALL, so as not to create a time paradox.

Now let’s go back to BNHA and see how things work there.

The first magical device introduced in the story to undo damage is Recovery Girl’s Quirk ‘Iyashi’ (癒し “heal”). At first it seems to work like the “Dragon Ball” healing technique… Recovery Girl uses it on a fainted Midoriya and, in a second, all the damage he received is undone, the completely shattered bones resetting themselves and healing just fine (chapter 4). It would have worked just fine like this, but Horikoshi felt the need to retcon it to add a rule, it would consume the stamina of the one being healed… so that if the person were to run out of stamina he would die instead than being healed (chapter 7). In case you don’t know, stamina is the bodily or mental capacity to sustain a prolonged stressful effort or activity. Midoriya fainted in chapter 4, rightfully so as he should have worn himself out completely due to using OFA’s power and getting injured as he completely shattered both his legs and one arm… but the healing administered didn’t kill him. This retcon wasn’t enough as we later learn that Recovery Girl has to set the bones before administering healing and that scarring will remain anyway (chapter 40), something she hadn’t done in chapter 4, when the damage was way worse, never mentioning Midoriya never reported any scarring in the previous 3 times in which he was healed. Lastly, chapter 342 will introduce the idea Recovery Girl gets older if she uses her Quirk… something we were never told before and that doesn’t really affect the plot. All those setbacks that the story introduces aren’t obstacles the characters have to overcome to get access to the healing, they’re just things tossed in after the damage is done that have no real weight in the story. If in chapter 11 Recovery Girl claims she can’t heal Midoriya because he is too low on stamina, this won’t mean much for the story as Midoriya won’t have to do anything else for the day and will be healed the day after before lessons starts. When she’ll heal him the first time during the sport festival, the loss of stamina won’t make him too weak to fight Shouto. The only time in which her limits seem to have some weight is when she can’t heal Nighteye… but this could have resolved just by having her reaching him when it was too late. When, in “Dragon Ball”, Dende refused to heal Vegeta, this could have as a consequence Freezer to kill them all, when Recovery Girl refuses to heal Midoriya, the stakes are inexistent, because Midoriya isn’t in desperate need of healing to do something, he can just wait to heal on his own… or the next day when Recovery Girl will be willing to heal him.

In order for the rules/drawback of such device to work as stakes, they need to be introduced BEFORE the device will be used and the characters must try to overcome them or, at least they’ve to affect the plot in some way to create an interesting story, otherwise there’s no point to them. “Dragon Ball” does this, BNHA will never do it.

In fact let's move to the next thing, Chisaki’s Quirk, ‘Overhaul’ (オーバーホール), which gives the user the ability to disassemble and then reassemble matter with their bare hands. This process happens instantly, as long as the user is touching its target, is effective on living and non-living things alike and can even recombine two different objects or beings into a single entity that possesses components of both subjects. The reassembling can heal any injuries or ailments the target had by reconstructing them to a biologically perfect state. Stakes? There’s a minor cool down and, if the user’s hands get destroyed, he can’t use his Quirk. Oh, also, that this Quirk is owned by an enemy who use it against the Heroes. This though wouldn’t be a real problem as Chisaki will get arrested and team Hero has Monoma who can copy Quirks… but, while they thought to use Monoma to copy Eri’s Quirk and learn to use it so that he could teach Eri how to use her own Quirk, they don’t think to copy Chisaki’s Quirk so that they can use its healing properties. Nope, even if they gain Chisaki back, his Quirk will never be used again, not even to heal Bakugou’s arm… which will eventually heal enough he can move it just fine… while Chisaki’s boss was healed by doctors. This makes one of the Quirks with the greatest healing power useless and therefore also recovering Chisaki becomes useless since the plot doesn’t know what to do with him (and, to be honest, Chisaki wasn’t even that relevant in the Midoriya/Nagant fight). Really, Chisaki’s Quirk is used only in the Shie Hassaikai arc as a weapon against Heroes and then dropped.

While it’s not a perfect work and it has its mistakes, I can’t remember something of this magnitude being dropped in “Dragon Ball”. We’re talking of a Quirk that can heal everything, be it an illness, an injury or whatever, perfectly. And it gets forgotten.

We move to Eri’s Quirk, ‘Maki Modoshi’ (巻き戻し “Rewind”), which gives the user the ability to reverse a living being's body back to a previous state. This allows the user to undo or bring back injuries or modifications from the present or the past, revert people back to a point before they even existed, and even rewind genetics, basically erasing a Quirk factor. Downsides? Eri doesn’t know how to use it, which can cause her to also lose control of it, making her activate it by mistake or making her unable to stop using it. Also, it’s a power that work through accumulation of an unknown element, so it can go dormant once it’s overused and Monoma can’t help her to learn to use it. Too bad that she never activate it while she’s under Chisaki’s control, that once she uses it too much, Eraser Head will stop her, that she’ll learn to use it just fine on her own just in time to rewind Lemillion and give him back his Quirk when he needs it… but hasn’t accumulated enough power to heal Eraser Head’s sight… yet it has enough power to heal Midoriya’s arms. Never mentioning when Eraser Head stopped her from Rewinding too much Midoriya the first time, her horn wasn’t decreased yet, meaning she still had power… (chapter 161) but when she wakes up from her fever the horn has decreased even if her power wasn’t used at all (Chapter 167), a clear sign this was a retcon to make her power more manageable. Also Eri cuts her horn… which Ectoplasm helped her to do even though they’ve no means to send it to Midoriya… but her horn will regrow back just fine… but it’s pointless as we will never see her using it again since she wants to become a singer… besides… Eri had problems using her own Quirk and Aizawa can do it just fine?

There are basically no rules for all this, it’s just the author adding to it things as the story goes on.

Never mentioning giving Eri such a big healing power which will never be used is kind of bad. Eri doesn’t want to become a healer, she wants to become a singer which is totally fair and she should be allowed to do it… but Eri’s Quirk can literally save the lives of plenty of people, could restore Bakugou’s arm, could have saved Touya, could erase the burn scar from the whole Todoroki family. Eri should be allowed to choose what she wants to do, she’s not a healing machine but… her choosing not to become a healer condemn people who aren’t healed by her to death. This is not a good moral dilemma a series focused on saving people should pose to its readers. Should we force a young girl to become a healer or should we let people die? Horikoshi likely didn’t notice he ended up posing this question when he drew Eri with a regrown horn.

We continue the ‘medical magic’ of Garaki first and of Central Hospital and its doctors later. This is different from the medical machines of “Dragon ball” as we aren’t told beforehand what it does, we just find out that they can do things after they did the things. Garaki can basically resurrect AFO, restore Touya’s body, he can take the rewind bullets and inverse their power so that they go back on rewinding people instead than Quirk factors, it can extract Quirk factors, copy them, modify people so that they can host more Quirk factors but lose their brain or keep it… and somehow Central hospital learns to duplicate its techniques so that Best Jeanist can be put in a state of death or they can save Shuuichi and wake up the boss of the Shie Hassaikai. To the list of the ones capable to use ‘medical magic’ we should probably add Edgeshot, who could magically restore Bakugou’s heart. All this has no rules, we aren’t told beforehand they can do it, ‘medical magic’ becomes just an excuse for when something impossible is done by medicine. The text doesn’t call it ‘magic’ yes, but it’s just the same. Oh, the Shie Hassaikai boss couldn’t wake up anymore… no wait, it can because we have doctors that can NOW wake him up. With all this medical magic that can do the impossible though, becomes hard to accept they can’t save Touya (even though they now have Garaki captive and can ask him how he did it the first time) and they actually ended up doing more damage to Kurogiri or that blood transfusions now kill, ask Himiko.

But all this can be, because there are no rules and so the result is that ‘medical magic’ becomes deus ex machina that moves according to the whims of the author, that it can do everything and nothing at all according to what Horikoshi wants. In the end it becomes unpredictable in a bad way because it destroys the stakes instead than setting them.

“Dragon Ball” had people holding on their chairs as they waited for Goku to finish healing in the medical machine, not because we believed he wouldn’t be healed, but because the rules established the healing would take a certain amount of time and we were worried three other beloved characters would die first. The same will never happen in BNHA, not even when we waited for Bakugou to recover (which had all the potential to do this) as the story didn’t really played up on the struggle of the others against Shigaraki but moved on focusing on other characters.

We go on with ‘Quirk awakening’ a random way to boost a Quirk up at random that all of sudden gets mentioned when Himiko gets her own Quirk awakening. Rules for the Quirk awakening are hazy, you can get it for a near death experience (Himiko) or because you just worry a lot (Geten who worries when Re-Destro burns himself) and it does things at random (Himiko can use the powers of those she transform into but only if she loves them and she’s not too angry, Geten can change ice temperature, Tomura’s decay can spread to other things, Touya also gets ice and so on). There are no rule but there is knowledge, even Enji knows about it yet no one tries to deliberately force it except for Garaki with Tomura? I mean, are we going to believe Enji gave a pass to his chance to get even more powerful? “Dragon Ball” is famous for its power up too, but they often come from training or, since the Saiyans are alien, from near death experience. When this rule becomes established, we’re told about it WAY BEFORE the characters try to use a near death experience for a fast power up. The same goes for the Super Saiyan, who’s also introduced way before Goku will finally manifest such power… and the reason why Saiyans in the past didn’t try for it is because they believed it to be a legend. The moment the possibility is on the table it’s all a run to get such an amazing power up. Quirk awakening? Happens for random reasons, solely when the plot needs it (otherwise why Touya didn’t get it when he nearly burned on Sekoto Peak? Why Hawks didn’t get it when Touya burned him? Why Best Jeanist didn’t get it after his fight with AFO? Why Nighteye didn’t get it either as Midoriya fought Overhaul?) and again, except for Garaki with Tomura, no one truly pursues it… not even in the MLA where people is willing to die for their cause and where apparently only Geten got it due to Re-Destro getting burned.

And should we mention the ‘magical rage power’ which can keep alive Tomura and Touya. Tomura dies but he is brought back to life by his dream and his hatred (Chap 296), Touya shouldn’t have survived a month but his grudge keeps him alive for years without medical aid, clothes, a place to stay, money and a job (Chap 350). Do we need those powers when Tomura could have very well be resurrected by the zap of electricity which made his whole body contract so dramatically but that somehow X-Less didn’t even feel because it was likely retconned as useless or would have killed X-Less? Do we really need to be told Touya would have only survived a month without Garaki’s aid as a way to excuse why they let him escape when a month was more than enough to tattle the truth to his Hero father had he decided to stay at home? Is the magnitude of the revelation they survived thanks to magical rage power worth it? Especially when they won’t manage to pull it out again at the end of the manga?

This is the sort of device the story doesn’t need to have… and that in a way ties to Bakugou’s resurrection as well as we’re told Edgeshot couldn’t resurrect it, Bakugou came back to life thanks to one of Bakugou’s tiny bead of explosive sweat somehow finding its way to his heart through his bloodstream and, instead than blasting Bakugou’s heart in pieces again, just restarting it so that Edgeshot can tell him he came back to life due to his own power as it combines with Edgeshot medical magic and bring Bakugou back to life. Really, we were already being asked to suspend our disbelief when Edgeshot jumped in action and sterilized himself with a soap bubble that somehow he kept on his persona without dirtying it and then started sewing a heart around without any medical degree. Do we need a totally random extra beg for suspension of disbelief that pleads at us through the “rule of cool”?

It’s the poor use of all the devices that can rewind things back to how they were what truly ruins the stakes. As long as the devices are bound by rules that are stated early, they’re part of the world building and the stakes exist and the story thrives on trying to make use of those rules to get the rewind. However when there are no rules or the rules have no use or are told only after the thing happen… well, here the story is moving according to the whims of the writers who use the devices as random deus ex machine to change back the status of things and force the story in the direction they want.

Again:

Horikoshi could have used more cool healing Quirks and rewinding Quirks and even time rewinding Quirks and medical progress if he had done it by first setting the rules and then having the characters navigate through them to use all of the above. Instead it’s all things that pop up at random to fix what can’t be fixed by other means or to make things look cool.

But you can ask suspension of disbelief only for so long and Horikoshi outdid his quota, which is a pity because really, this could have turned a lot better.

#my hero academia #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha meta #bnha meta #Chisaki Kai #Midoriya Izuku #Shuuzenji Chiyo #Eri #Bakugou Katsuki #Monoma Neito #Aizawa Shouta #Togata Mirio #Ectoplasm #Todoroki Touya #Shigaraki Tomura #Garaki Kyuudai

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widebrimmedhatsblog · 2 days ago

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hi!! just read that absolute masterpiece response you had to the anon asking about Xaden and Violet at the end of OS!! I almost want to save that post purely to check back when we finally get the fourth and fifth books to see how much you correctly predict!

also (not to request another essay, so feel free to ignore this if you don't want to) are there any other parallels you've seen with RY's other writing? I've seen parallel relationships (Tairn/Sgaeyl mirroring Violet/Xaden), but any other common themes/tropes that Yarros loves that you think could make it into books 4&5?

like i said, feel free to ignore if you don't want to reply!!

Oh thank you so much!! I've been wanting to make a post like this for agessssss so this is a perfect opportunity!! I love writing essays so don't even worry, LMFAO, anyone can request an essay at any time!!

The only way for me to do this is to spoil a significant amount of her contemporary romance b-plots, so I'm gonna put the theories ABOVE the cut, and then you can click see-more if you want the essay with the parallels. I will say, her b-plots are always kind of insane, and I think the spoilers don't detract from the love stories themselves. So unless you're hellbent on going in blind, I think it's fine? You'll still get the love stories.

Dain's dying for Xaden in book 4! This theory has spoilers from the Flight and Glory series (specifically books 1, 2, and 4, although the only one I'm really spoiling anything you can't gleam from the back cover is book 4)

This isn't a theory, this is just some spaghetti I'm throwing at the wall, but! Lilith wrote the book on Unnbriel that Papa Sorrengail saved for Vi in Deverelli. This one has spoilers from The Things We leave Unfinished.

Theory One: Dain's dying for Xaden in book 4.

Some housekeeping: Rebecca's Flight and Glory series is 5 interconnected standalones (meaning each book deals with a different couple in the same world. it would be like if FW was x and v, but IF was Immrick and OS was dain/sloane). Book one, Full Measures, is about Josh and Ember. Book Two, Eyes Turned Skyward, is about Paisely and Jagger (yes, terrible names, just hold my hand). The book 3 couple is irrelevant for my current purposes, but book 4, Hallowed Ground, comes back around to Josh and Ember as the "main couple". The couples are all part of one big friend group and together all the time. To be SO frank, Josh and Jagger feel like they each got half of Xaden's personality, and Ember and Paisley feel the same way when it comes to Violet. (Josh has the reformed bad boy thing going on, secrets, and the whole caretaker dom thing going on, while Jagger ALSO has the reformed bad boy thing, he's RICH, also has secrets, and the daddy and mommy issues 1-2 combo. They also both just talk like Xaden. I thought Jagger was a lot less Xaden-esque during the first 75% or so, and then there's a pivotal scene where he is so aggressively Xaden-coded I started jumping up and down. Ember's a history major mourning her dead father, while Paisley's a librarian mourning her dead sibling. Paisley also has a heart condition that's very debilitating for her, and results in her loved ones being seriously overbearing.)

Paisley and Jagger's story is the most important to my purposes here, so have a quick summary of the opening of Eyes Turned Skyward: The novel opens with Paisley in a relationship with Will. Will was Paisley's dead sister's best friend, and after her sister's death, Will and Paisley came together in their grief. Paisley's heart condition means that she has to seriously limit physical exertion, she wears an apple watch at all times to track her heart rate, and she can't live life like a "normal" person. A big part of this is that Will won't have sex with her because he's worried about her having a heart attack. No, I am not joking. @maethologies was the first recipient of this summary many moons ago, and she calls it the "my doctor said no sex" book. The pivotal thing here is that Paisley's doctor didn't ACTUALLY say no sex. Will's just being overprotective.

Does this remind anyone of anyone we know? Because Will's character reminds ME of one Dain Aetos!

Further Dain-isms: Jagger, Josh, and co. all hate Will because he went to West Point and is super cocky about it. Will is super devoted to the codex rules and regulations of flight school to the point he turns on his classmates (which you're not supposed to do! snitches get stitches!) for a traditional prank (also, fun fact, the commanding general of their flight school? Paisley's dad!). Throughout book 2, Will gets his karma for being overprotective with Paisley, and he slowly becomes less of a stick in the mud. He befriends Josh, Jagger, and co, and he's a reluctant member of the gang in book 3. Again, do y'all see what I see???

Now, a summary of the grander plot of Hallowed Ground: Book 3 (Beyond What Is Given) ends with Josh, Jagger, Will, and their fourth friend Grayson, graduating flight school and getting their duty stations. Josh, Jagger, and Will all stay together, and Josh and Jagger get deployed first. Will stays home and takes care of Paisley and Ember. At the end of Beyond What Is Given, Paisley and Jagger getting engaged and married just before Jagger gets deployed. Six weeks later, Will gets deployed and follows Jagger and Josh into Afghanistan. During his opening flight (like, LITERALLY his first day) Josh and Will are in one helicopter while Jagger's actively in combat. They realize Jagger's in danger, so they go to him and join the fight. They all get shot down by the Taliban, and Will ends up jumping in front of Jagger and saying that his wife needs him. Will dies FOR Jagger and asks him to keep taking care of Paisley.

(The one thing I'm NOT mentioning there is that when Will does sacrifice himself for Jagger, Paisley's pregnant. I am NOT manifesting that for Violet.) (They actually name their kid after Will, which is kind of insane with the Dain implications. Dain Riorson-Sorrengail.)

Ever since I finished Hallowed Ground (so, July!) I've been convinced the final culmination of Dain's redemption arc was going to be dying for Xaden on Violet's behalf. I actually totally thought it was going to be in book 3 and not book 4, because it seemed like Rebecca thought Dain was redeemed even though the majority of fans disagreed. I've been a bit tongue-in-cheek about how much fan-interaction happened in Onyx Storm, but I definitely think the changes to Dain and Cat's characters especially were a result of Rebecca seeing how they were received by the readers and making corrections to their portrayal so that we see what she sees. Still, the parallels with Will are abundant. In his case, we meet him in book 2, but we immediately do not like him. He gets redeemed toward the end of book 2 and into book 3. By the time book 4 comes around, you're a fan! He's on the cusp of a new relationship with Paisley's best friend Morgan, and then....dead. Again....are we seeing the parallels here?

So, yeah! That's my take. Again, I actually thought this was happening in book 3, but I see why it didn't. I have NEVER enjoyed Dain as much as I did in Onyx Storm. Like, I feel bad about characterizing him how I usually do now. His death in OS would not have been impactful, whereas in book 4....

If you don't quite believe me about plot recycling from RY, the main romance plot line of Josh and Ember's first book Full Measures: falling in love -> she Knows he's keeping secrets (in this case, about his "occupation" as well as his past with her parent, but the secrets plotline is genuinely ALMOST every single book she's ever written, I am not joking, I CAN keep going) but she doesn't know enough to do anything about it except keep getting conned -> she learns enough! third act break up -> Iron Flame esque argument about secrets/asking questions/etc. -> make up!

And this isn't a critique from me: I've read sixteen of her books for a reason. There's something comforting in knowing exactly what you're going to get; however, I know exactly what I'm going to get.

THAT is the end of my more fleshed out theory. Now, Lilith time!

Theory 2: Lilith wrote Papa Sorrengail's book about Unnbriel:

I've been slowly re-reading (and highlighting and tabbing) Onyx Storm over the last few days, and yesterday, I read this line:

"My father's observations on the combative isle are sharp, almost clinical, but lack his usual insight. There's a marked difference between his book, written when he was 23 and straight out of the scribe quadrant, and the manuscript he left for me in his office." (Onyx Storm, chapter 28)

The epigraph for the chapter in question:

"There are times I look at Parapet, at the very act of Threshing, and marvel that dragons have not been to Unnbriel.... -Unnbriel: Isle of Dunne by Second Lieutenant Asher Daxton"

I said this in my other essay response, but Rebecca has two types of what I like to call "gotcha!" foreshadowing. Usually, she'll have a throwaway line somewhere that's REALLY easy to brush over, but it will either literally spell out a situation for later in the story, OR it exists to be proved false. I CAN grab examples, but this essay is already ridiculously long, so maybe another time if anyone doesn't believe me. In any case, I think this is the second type of foreshadowing. Rebecca goes out of her way to REPEATEDLY say dragons have not been to the isles, which really makes me think dragons have been to the isles.

Now, to compare and contrast with Rebecca's The Things We Leave Unfinished. I will say, this spoiler actually would impact your reading experience in that it's the big final reveal of the novel. However, a lot of you probably aren't going to read it anyway, so! I also actually think a LOT of Rebecca's works are better the second time around, and in this way the spoiler would make it more fun, as you better understand what's going on. So, you can take my word for it and stop here, OR you can keep reading.

A summary of the plot of The Things We Leave Unfinished:

The FMC of this novel's grandmother dies, leaving one unfinished novel she'd like finished after her death. This novel is the true love story of her grandmother's life. Through a deal with her agent, the MMC gets contacted to finish the novel for the FMCs grandmother. Half the book is the modern timeline of the FMC and MMC trying to finish the novel, and the other half is the historical timeline following the novel in question (book within a book!). As the novel progresses, you find out that the MMC keeps noting differences across Scarlet (the grandma's) body of work in terms of tone (sharpness!) and general story construction (insight!). (When I re-read that line about Vi's dad, I felt like someone walked over my grave.) Eventually, you learn that Scarlet actually died 70-odd years before the story begins, and that her sister is who the FMC thought was her grandma. Her grandma's sister is the one who finished her grandma's novel, then went on to write an entire body of work in her sister's name.

Now! Why would Lilith's work be in papa sorrengail's name? I don't actually know! Maybe since Dunne is an isle of warriors, he knew he needed His warrior to handle it for him. They're clearly obsessed with each other on a Riorgail level, and Xaden is immediately willing to fight on Vi's behalf on Unnbriel. I've said this offhandedly before, but the parallels between Lilith and Xaden are actually insane when you think about them. I also think this expands farther into the Dunne/Violet/Lilith/Theophanie nonsense I do NOT know enough to unpack right now. Anyway, I think that's it! I can try and pull the actual line from The Things We Leave Unfinished if anyone cares, because I'm pretty sure the phrasing is similar when the MMC figures out true authorship.

I said this above, but if anyone else has any other questions, feel free to ask!! I need to use my PhD in Yarrossian studies for something. I actually really wanted to compose a full list of my thoughts on her contemporaries/similarities/what I'd rec to the fourth wing girlies of the world, but I haven't gotten around to it yet. So if you're interested in that, let me know!

#helena's asks!#fourth wing #helena's essays #<- new tag LMFAO #onyx storm spoilers #onyx storm #Rebecca Yarros #Eyes Turned Skyward by Rebecca Yarros #Hallowed Ground by Rebecca Yarros #The Things We Leave Unfinished by Rebecca Yarros

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ecto-hazard · 42 minutes ago

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Well Boys. We did it. I posted this on October 1st, 2024, and just two months later, December 20th, we officially got the end of the TF2 comic series after a 7 year hiatus. I'm fully taking the responsibility on this one. Clearly my passioned rant about this game's storyline and my desire for more of this enchanting tale singlehandedly inspired Valve to finish their masterpiece. im sure it had nothing to do with a negligent company finally bending to years of protest of an unplayable game and setting an unreasonable deadline on the writers and artists to crank out a half baked finale to earn some goodwill from the mob

all that aside, i really do like the ending of the tf2 comic. im not going to claim it was a masterpiece and that everyone who has criticism of it is wrong because it does seem rushed and a lot of characters dont get a lot of closure or even thematically appropriate lack of closure. even beyond the mercs, stuff like the charles darling plot goes nowhere and saxton getting his company back is a big nothingburger. and it wouldve been nice to get a proper epilogue where we see at least a little more of what the other mercs are up to after the war.

but its clear that a lot of what was put into the finale, although it might not be sewn together the best, was intentional from the beginning and by themselves are well done story elements, and emails with the creators confirmed as much. the administrator's lore is chilling and im glad they took the time to close it off, even if it resulted in sacrificing other scenes. Between that, the meaningful Scout and Spy interaction at the end, and the very conclusion with Saxton and Maggie, there's really impactful planned scenes throughout this comic. It's okay to be disappointed that there wasn't more to tie it together, but I think what we got was good.

With that said, they didnt fucking write anything else with the other blu guys so im mad about it. Lightheartedly anyway. Take all of this as lighthearted.

But that's not to say that there isn't insight into blu team and team fortress as an operation as a whole from this comic. Not only is blu engineer here again, but we also get a glimpse of TF headquarters and what the whole operation actually looked like. Its interesting that I havent seen a lot of people talk about this at length, but i cant blame people for getting caught up in all the canon children and name reveals because that's probably more fun. But there is something ostensibly wrong with me so we're going to dive back in, see what we can squeeze from the already juiced fibers of this comic about blu team, and cover a few points i mightve missed in my first post. you're already reading this far you're probably not turning around. lets go down this shitty rabbit hole together

now ill go ahead and disclaim that ch 7 doesnt really have any explicit evidence to clone theory but just. just stick with me. trust me. just. j

Blu Engineer

Dell conagher is back babey. He really doesn't do a whole lot but he's the Main Blu guy right. The officially blu character! Dell Conagher is Blu! and he's got the same characterization and everything!!! yippee!!!!

We can see based on his greeting and Pyro's positive reaction that not only is the team familiar with Blu Engie, they're on good terms with him. This is most likely indicative that Blu Engie bonded with the red team during the events of MVM. What's also interesting is, compared to the rest of Team Fortress, he's got an actual role at TF industries. It seems like for everyone else, this is their first time here, based on their reactions to the environment, but we'll get into that later. It's been established that Blu engie has a family history with the company, and that's what's got him in such a high position. I think it also might suggest that, if clone theory is real, this engineer is an Original. We never see Red engie doing something like this right. It's always explicitly the Blu one.

What's interesting is this Engineer is more reserved. More cautious. In game lines suggest he's got a god complex and is as insane as the others. He canonically sawed his own hand off for a cool robot hand for chrissake. This is obviously due to working closely with the administrator for as long as he has and seeing the futility of it all. I wouldn't consider it a character inconsistency. But it is interesting to compare the character directly across the series and see how he's worn down.

This is especially apparent after the Administrator dies. The old engineer seems like he wouldve jumped at the chance to use that australium. But he's seen just how much someone can let it corrupt their life. He doesn't want anything to do with it. And that's really interesting.

A small detail that also aligns with this change in mindset is Engineer having two flesh hands again in this series. We don't really know if its actually a flesh hand or he got some sort of more realistic prosthetic, but it at the very least functions like a flesh hand. Originally this seemed like a weird detail, but in the context, it shows how he's abandoned that more megalomanic side of himself. I wonder what drove him to that. Did he realize over time that the hand caused him pain? Did he have trouble using it in normal tasks? Did he find he couldn't strum the guitar the same? He couldn't feel the warmth of someone else's hand? Did he see the administrator becoming a shadow of herself, tormenting herself with technology to stay alive just a bit longer, and feel guilt? Did he feel like an enabler? A hypocrite? Would having a flesh hand again maybe set some sort of example?

None of that really has anything to do with the theory probably, but its cool to see that much depth put into a Blu for once.

The Alphabet Soup Squad

On the same panel with the blu engie reunion, we see this thing

five alphabetical letters with five statues associated with them, and a notable missing sixth letter that would presumably be F. these guys have been referenced by name before by Blu Cheavy in the previous issue.

Ajax, Citadel, and Echelon match the A,C and E respectively. These are the other teams under the administrator's employment. Interestingly, this panel was changed after ch7 came out. he originally called Ajax "team vanguard," but this was probably changed for continuity. it makes me wonder if there was an intent to delve a little deeper into what these teams were, but they didnt get to it.

The fact that Team Fortress isnt the Only team working for the administrator is a detail that's been tossed around quite a few times in the comic before the final chapter, and i dont think anyone really read into it much before. they're mentioned several other times in the series, though not by name. nobody really processed it till we were given a proper visual i guess

The last panel in particular i had previously chocked up to meaning "which team? red or blu?" but what it actually means is "which of the 5 main teams- oh none of them"

team fortress, compared to the rest of the mercenary world, are the rejects, and they explicitly say this. but i dont think we really knew what that really meant in perspective. and i dont think they knew either.

demo's never seen this image. he's never seen this merc. we dont need him to say that to see that. He's never seen Real mercenaries. he couldn't imagine being on this level. admired. lowkey worshipped in this facility. and the dialogue around this scene captures it as well. this is a realization for everyone. they aren't the "real" mercs. and that doesnt even necessarily mean clones. theyre outcasts. they arent up to standard. they dont receive the support and glory of the real mercs because theyre not the 'good' teams.

this has been pointed out before (and i think correctly) to be a commentary on tf2 as a franchise. i think its fair to say valve didnt expect it to hold out this long. for it to be as beloved nearly 20 years after its release. but it is. tf2 is the reject game. the game without support. the game without the glory. its not supposed to be valve's 'good' game. and yet its still here.

grey what the fuck does any of this have to do with clone theory. uH.

so as i said, nothing in this issue really explicitly functions as evidence for clone theory. i think considering how team fortress is considered the reject team, its plausible to extrapolate that they might be reject clones for the 'real' mercs (who are all dead now i guess???) but that's not so much theorizing as just grasping at straws here. I think clone theory makes sense in that it might be a cheap way to keep the war waging, but in the grand scheme of the story, it would be overall less important to determine if red or blu is made up of clones, and more important to see how team fortress as a whole is considered bottom of the barrel shit being recycled just to keep money flowing. and it seems like they werent always that way. the evidence of the F pedestal indicates that they were once considered a great team. but that's really all i can glean from this issue unfortunately.

its kind of a bummer that blu wasnt explored in the series any more that it was, But yknow what, at the end of the day we got the cutes christmas image with the whole team and the heavymedic undertones and the-

wait a second.

no.

no. they wouldnt do this... they wouldnt do this to me... no...

ENGIE IS MOTHER FUCKING

RED

YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING WITH ME VALVE. YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING WITH ME. THIS IS THE SECOND TIME THEYVE AUTOBALANCED SOMEONE TO RED ON US. THEYRE DOING THIS TO FUCK WITH ME SPECIFICALLY ARENT THEY!!! THEYRE ONTO ME. THEY KNOW IM TOO CLOSE TO THE TRUTH! WHATEVER THE FUCK THE TRUTH IS I DONT EVEN KNOW WHATS THE POINT OF THIS. EVERYONE'S LIKE RETIRED FROM RED I GUESS BUT THEY STILL MADE A POINT OF PUTTING THEM ALL IN RED TONES SO WHY THE F U C K IS THE ONLY EXPLICITLY COHESIVELY BLU CHARACTER IN THIS ENTIRE FUCKING FRANCHISE RED NOW. THIS IS CLEARLY ORIGINALLY A BLU GUY WHYS HE RED NOW WHY WHY W H Y

Intermission

Did you know we have even more evidence that Red soldier and blu soldier are the same guy????? well we do fucker!!!!!

previously on dragonballz, we pointed out that both red and blu soldier are referred to as Doe and work as a lawyer, but technically I think red soldier is only ever referred to as "Doe," not "Jane Doe." he could have a different fuckign first name and be in like a stan twins situation with the blu soldier, which would be funny. but we do actually have confirmation his name is Jane. Behold, the decoy map.

This is an mvm map that's supposed to be a fake mann co facility to trick the robots into attacking the wrong place (and it works!) on the map, theres a contract pasted to a wall that authorizes Jane Doe to build the place

This base is mentioned in the comic, and it shows a familiar image. yep thats jane motherfucking doe, winner of the nose picking contest and verified lawyer. Granted this was after the red/blu truce but my sanity is barely holding on here so just go with it okay

Team Fortress Two (but actually)

So what was team fortress like when it was good. The team fortress in team fortress 2 is actually team fortress 3. they're the third generation of mercs. the previous team was the team fortress classic.

notice how they're a mix of red and blu in this image. this and the fact that team fortress classic is a game you can play implicates that there's a red and blu classic team in the lore as well. the blu classic team features as antagonists in the comic series. them being blu was probably sort of arbitrary. probably to contrast with the main mercs being red and to make it clear these are the bad guys the baddies theyre evilllll

this wasnt just when team fortress was a 'good' team. they very well mightve been the best team. blu cheavy says they were able to take down all the other teams on their own, which is fucking crazy. and cheavy identifies the new team as rejects as well, so team fortress becoming the reject team would likely be when the classic generation switched out.

another detail is their medic is just dead i guess? or at least he's not in the picture when the comic series takes place. hes commonly theorized to be dead. whatever the case, that's what gave the tf2 medic the chance to work with them. i wonder if the implication might be that the death of the classic medic is what caused the classic team's fallout. if that was the turning point between team fortress and team rejects. you're gonna have a rough time in game if you dont have a medic on your team, thats for sure.

the fact that there's a mix of the team here and then theyre all blu in the comic series may also imply that there were duplicates on either team? but it could also be an mvm teams merged situation. its hard to say. whatever the case, they died permanently, so either wasn't a thing or is no longer a thing. and the same is true for everyone else since the administrator is dead.

anyway like. there isnt a conclusion i really am coming to with this post i guess. it became less about clone theory and more about just rambling about the universe. theres a lot of interesting stuff there. and i wish it was explored more. it seems like it shouldve been explored more. im all good with show dont tell but we were shown slivers of a picture with the new issue and its a shame. i moreso wish they actually did the goddamn adult swim show just cause they actually included blu team in their promos so like there was something there

i still think clone theory fits into the universe they have set up, but we're probably never going to get any closure on blu team and that's fine. as i said before, the fan content we get is enough for me for now. but i love saying things for a long time and subjecting everyone else to it so uh. blu team's number one stan will stick around out here till the end

The End (aw shit)

ive never had an original thought process and i will continue not to, aka, Grey's TF2 BLU team clone theory post. This is a long one boys.

i was talking about this with some people yesterday but i really wish tf2 canonically acknowledged blu team more and i think everyone who likes tf2 agrees with me. In case you're one of my hfjone followers who are unaware of tf2's story, Ill just give you the basic overview cause the story is like scrambled around in a bunch of comics, videos, and updates so it might be kind of overwhelming but i do recommend trying.

THE BACKGROUND INFORMATION

There's like these two richass brothers fighting over ownership of a plot of land inherited from their father who gave it to both of them in hopes theyd learn to cooperate with each other. Like reasonable people, they decided to hold an all out war in the American southwest by hiring the world's most skilled mercenaries to fight their battles for them in hopes one of them would claim the land. They each own their own company, RED or BLU, and in the game you fight on one of these two teams usually with the objective of taking territory or intel. A key plot point, that neither the mercenaries or the two brothers are aware of, is that this whole war is being orchestrated to be in a perpetual stalemate by a woman known as the Administrator, so she's the one involved with managing the mercenaries and coordinating attacks so that nobody makes any substantial victories. The gist makes this sound like a more serious story than it is like theyre fighting over a plot of gravel its really dumb actually. And then there's robots and shit that happens later just dont worry about it for now. dont even worry about it

In the game you can play as one of 9 classes of mercenaries, shown above with the aforementioned brothers and also saxton hale (dont worry about him either). Youll notice that in this image its a mix of red and blu people, but these guys exist on both teams. When it comes to promotional material, you almost see them as red team, but the exact same classes exist on blu. And they look the same, and sound the same, and have the same weapons and stats.

Obviously from a gameplay standpoint, it makes sense for these guys to be identical, but they aren't just identical in the game. There's a ton of stuff in videos and comics where they just use the same designs or models, same voices, same personality, everything.

So that's where the popular Clone Theory comes from. Basically one or both of these teams are clones of the original mercenaries to keep the fight between teams fair, because as stated before, these guys are in an orchestrated stalemate.

Again, if youre unfamiliar with tf2, you may be wondering what these guys canon reactions are to the fact that they are fighting somebody who looks and acts exactly like them right? Like, there's a ton of comics and videos about them, so they probably noticed or something? well they FUCKING DONT. ITS NEVER BROUGHT UP.

MY FRUSTRATION WITH THE LACK OF BLUUUUU

i really want them to like. fucking acknowledge what the hell is going on there? like are they actually clones in canon? it would make sense but its never fucking talked about. like even if they didnt actually give a definitive answer, i wish at the very least they pointed out the fact that HEY. these guys we're paid to kill look just like us thats fuckign weird. granted like most of the team are idiots, but while someone like soldier might not question what's going on, i'd think someone like Sniper or Spy who's jobs involve keeping a close eye on the enemy team would probably notice right?????

to be fair also theyve like. never interacted with themselves in any media stuff? the closest we ever get to seeing a red and blu counterpart interact outside the actual game is in meet the spy but we'll get to that later. It's interesting that they either purposefully avoided having them interact or they just overlooked a chance for the funny. we never see what its like for the mercs when they originally get hired (maybe cause they were never hired at all!!!!!!!!!! THEYRE ALL CLOENSSSAAGHG) so we dont really get to gauge their reactions

well why focus on blu team? pretty much all the media is very red centric. the meet the team videos are all about their respective red members, and the proper comic series is about red team (or is it?). the only meaningful stuff we see from blu team is from the war update, meet the spy, and that one christmas comic where spy told a child to murder someone. why's it so red centric, you may ask? well its cause they look better in the promotional art dumbass. do you think people would buy the orange box with blue people on the cover? fuck no think about the color theory

of course its entirely plausible that the red and blu team only use the same character designs for simplicity sake. its possible in universe they are two different sets of people who just look the same to us for the sake of gameplay, but that seems a bit outside the style of storytelling, where everything is sort of ridiculous and literal. i feel like in writing they would commit to it, but they've just managed to write these guys so they never have to interact and acknowledge how weird it is

so i wanna explore what of blu team is actually acknowledged and see if we can reach some sort of conclusion about them? cause clone theory seems to be the most prevalent but what do we actually know that would support that? But before we can even get into that we have to talk about the unavoidable elephant in the room

IS RESPAWN EVEN FUCKING REAL??????

In tf2 you dont stay dead when you die unless youre playing like a specific gamemode that nobody plays. you respawn after a short period of time in a little room and then go back out to get killed again. this is like crazy magic shit so that probably wouldnt be canon right. except crazy magic shit is canon, but that doesnt mean people are getting brought back from the dead- no thats canon too. While nothing in the videos and comics explicitly states that the mercenaries that are getting killed are able to just pop back to life, its not out of the realm of (tf2) reality. Furthermore, certain voicelines that activate after killing the same person multiple times in the game indicate that the characters themselves are in fact killing the same people over and over again, and they do just come back to life. The reason this is even relevant is just cause like BLU team has all canonically died at least once, and the BLU Spy has died two different times at least, so if they can respawn it would make more sense

Since we're talking about voicelines, what do the voicelines tell us about BLU team? really not a lot. The voicelines are the same no matter which team youre on, which supports them being the same people, but again is probably a game mechanic thing. Now onto the videos.

We can sort of skim over most of the meet the team videos because Blu's central role in almost all of them is getting killed, but there's a couple meaningful interactions in some of them.

Meet the Soldier

There isn't a whole lot going on in this one, but I find it interesting that they made the choice to include the BLU soldier's head here, but mostly obscured. This could be an example of an instance where they purposefully chose to avoid showing these two guys at the same time, which couldve been easily avoided by not putting it there at all honestly. Also why does he have that many blu helmets

Meet the Spy

This is the most we ever see of blu team in the videos. Characterization is mainly featured with Blu Spy, Soldier, and Heavy. These characters share the same mannerisms and personality of their Red counterparts here for sure. Most interestingly, Spy also talks a lot about his Red counterpart here. It's pretty clear he seems to consider the two to be similar in terms of skill and threat, which would make sense if he suspected the Red Spy was one and the same.

The Scout here isnt the actual BLU Scout, so his behavior is a bit suspect. It'd make sense that Red Spy is behaving like the Blu Scout and that their behavior isnt actually meaningfully different from the Red Scout. Furthermore, he's the one who specifically draws the comparison between himself and the Blu Spy ("I've killed dozens of spies... like you!"). So it seems the feeling is mutual.

This video is interesting also cause it implicates that Red Spy is Blu Scout's father, while the comics implicates that he's the Red Scout's father. Like what is it? Is he both of their dads? Is Blu Spy anyone's dad? Do the scouts have separate moms? Are the moms also clones? if both scouts went to see their mom and would they end up meeting at the same place and freak out? See this is all interesting which is why i WISH THEY WOULD AT LEAST ACKNOWLEDGE THAT ITS STRA

Meet the Medic

Blu isn't really characterized here a whole lot. A minor joke that's in here is Blu Spy's head, which is a reference to the unused concept for mtm if you weren't aware. But that's just like a one second joke and we don't ever see him again except for that one taunt. Honestly i really shouldve just skipped talking about th WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT

That is about 5 million BLU Soldiers. This is i think the ONLY time we've ever seen multiples of a single class on the same team in tf2's story universe. This is perhaps the most damning evidence for the clone theory we're going to get.

However, this is pretty easy to write off as a production streamlining choice. They want to make a mountain of bodies to stand on, so it's probably easier to copy and paste the same model than take the time to get a good mix of classes in there, and I can respect not wanting to waste that much effort on a minor detail of what was probably their highest quality production at the time. They did take the time to give them different hats though, but that's not hard to do in sfm. But if this scene is literal I really wanna know what the fuck happened here. At least we know where all those helmets came from

War Update Comic

Speaking of BLU Soldier, this comic is all about him. We learn a lot about him in this comic, such as his name being Jane Doe, a trait he seems to share with the RED soldier

(though this panel comes from the mann co no more series and its possible that, at this point in the story, this IS the blu soldier for. reasons. we'll get to that)

He behaves in the irrational violent manner we're accustomed to for the red soldier, though there is an interesting detail that he lives alone in an apartment, as its later revealed that red soldier is roommates with a wizard (dont worry about it). in game voicelines being the same for both classes means that both red and blu soldiers claim to be his roommate but voicelines being the same doesnt really mean a whole lot

Loose Cannon

This is around the time TF2 decided to have lore. We learn that BLU engineer is contracted to keep the two Mann brothers alive so the war can go on perpetually, as his family have a history of doing this apparently. The fact that BLU Engineer is the one who's got this specialized role is actually something thats consistent later in the comic as he specifically is revealed to be personally aiding the administrator

As for Red similarities, well. Blu Engie here is referred to as Dell Conagher, and I don't know think the red engie ever is. However, they both have a cool robot arm known as the Gunslinger, an item that specifically the Blu engie got access to in this comic, not the red one.

either the red engineer has some sort of shared memory with blu, or he was given access to these files after the blu engineer built his own gunslinger so things could stay in a stalemate. there's more evidence for the former, but i would believe the latter too.

Meet the Director

The origin behind the meet the team videos is revealed to be "interviews" staged to keep an eye on the red team and also make a point of how stupid it was for them to agree to an interview in the first place. Blu is basically absent from these comics, but they are mentioned. They made the explicit choice to skip videos of them for whatever reason, hence why all the meet the team videos are red team focused. I dont know how much weight this comic holds though cause its just announcing the saxxys. rip.

A Smissmas Story

This Christmas special is the most blu the comics ever get. It's also pretty standalone though. So while the characters are all pretty in line with their red counterparts as far as personality, not much extends outside of this to really point any fingers. The main tie in to the main series is this courtroom scene where Soldier is acting as Scout's lawyer.

This, as it turns out, gets referenced far later in the main series where the Red Soldier wants to act as Red Scout's lawyer in a courtroom.

Well. okay. case closed then? These two different red guys remember this exact scene that occured with the blu guys as if it happened to them. Theyve got some weird shared experience thing going on right. Guess theyre clones???

YOU FOOL WE HAVENT EVEN TALKED ABOUT MANN VS MACHINE

You remember those two brothers who are the whole conflict thing well they fucking Died. Turns out they had a secret eviler brother who killed them. "Oh what's his name grey?" uh. dont worry about it.

This event causes both the red team and blu team to have to work together in a new coop mode where they fight new brother's army of robots so he cant take over mann co, which is what the administrator and saxton hale (still dont worry about him) oversees.

(this video is so badass man)

So red team and blu team are mixed together now. That's fine though they're still color coded. ARE THEY????? ARE THEY??????

in mvm, all players wear red, and all evil robots are blue. It seems like they had plans to let people play as blu team against red robots cause red robot models exist but they didnt implement it.

This is consistent in the comics as well, where we in The Shadow Boxer see all Ms Pauling is planning only with the red team to fight the robot uprising.

See all red wait-

ive seen this image before. what the hell. lemme check back at the main page

WHAT THE FUCK WHYS THE HEAVY BLU IN THE THUMBNAIL

DID THEY. DID THEY ORIGINALLY MAKE THE COMIC WITH A MIX OF RED AND BLU AND THEN GO BACK AND MAKE THEM ALL RED? LIKE THE HEAVY WAS BLU IN THE ORIGINAL MVM UPDATE AS WELL, SO IT MAKES SENSE HE WAS BLU. IS HE. IS HE JUST WEARING A RED SHIRT NOW????

so whats this mean? it means that in the main story series, the red team we follow MIGHT NOT EVEN BE THE FUCKING ORIGINAL RED TEAM. they couldve all just put on red shirts to distinguish themselves better from the robots or something. there's just no way to be certain who's who anymore

well damnit grey guess thats theory over then BITCH YOU THOUGHT

GRAVE MATTERS

Grave matters is a comic released after the shadow boxers for that years halloween update. Despite this, it explicitly takes place after the two brothers are killed

These two guys become ghosts disputing who actually died first because all they can do is bicker. So they turn to a lawyer to actually figure things out. What lawyer you ask?

JANE MOTHERFUCKING DOE

they go to RED TEAMS SOLDIER, who is named Doe, who also claims to be a lawyer. this is EXPLICITLY before the teams can be mixed up, so this is the ACTUAL RED SOLDIER REMEMBERING SOMETHING THE BLU SOLDIER DID. I DID IT. I PROVED CLONE THEORY. ITS REAL. AHAHAHLDKGHDKLASHLGHKSLGGJ

well. honestly no i didnt. its highly likely clone theory is real if you take all this evidence as legitimate, but tf2 is kind of a bullshit game when it comes to how seriously it takes itself. there's contradictions about demo's upbringing, about whether or not medic actually had a license, shit like that. so its all suspect and thats okay. i dont blame them for not having a concrete plan for the story of a silly shooter game.

theres been good news for tf2 lately but i somehow doubt they're ever going to bring attention to this one specific thing i find interesting, and thats okay. there's plenty of fan made media that explores the blu team. Emesis Blue and Lil Pootis are amazing animations about them. You've also got fanfiction like Kith and Kin and You Need to Get a Head that specifically explore the angle of the tf2 teams being clones. And I think that's what makes tf2 special is the community that gets creative with it. Yeah it may be cool for valve to come out some day with the 7th chapter and the heavy update and the adult swim series, i know id be ecstatic. But we've got tons of people who can create all on their own and thats enough for me I think.

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clarissaweasley-10 · 2 months ago

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JLB fr is like that one teacher who always shows favourism. And we all know who the fav student(s) are....

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crazy-fangirl2524 · 3 months ago

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Andrew’s “bottomless rage” and Jean’s “old and ugly rage” are the same in this essay I will -

#wksksksksk I literally had to find the exact quote for jeans rage and the amount of times Nora described jeans rage urgh #she even called it once bottomless rage too #the rage of not being able to do anything to protect themselves and knowing that they failed once again at what’s matter the most #Andrews bottomless rage that Neil was taken from him #that Aaron doesn’t see that Andrew threw his whole life away for him that he did everything for him even murder and suffering under dr*ke #andrews bottomless rage at how he was never strong enough that he just wasn’t fast enough #jeans bottomless rage that all those rumours about him yet he knows he can’t say anything #his bottomless rage that he was sold and he is and will always be property and all he could do is survive but never fight back #that bottomless rage in both of them is helplessness #and anger at themselves and the world and its fuck u to others #anyways #aftg #all for the game #tfc #the foxhole court #aftg series #aftg fandom #aftg incorrect quotes #andrew minyard #andrew joseph minyard #jean moreau #tsc and aftg supremacy #the sunshine court #aftg andrew #aftg jean #the golden raven

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roseaesynstylae · 4 months ago

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Alpha-17 being a mother hen to the other Alphas* is something we need to see more. Jangotat survives because Alpha stomps in, shrieking obscenities, and drags his ass away, pausing only to yell at Obi-Wan for daring to put his little brother in danger (nevermind that that's what they're currently supposed to do). Maze doesn't tell him about Ordo punching him because if he did, Alpha would make sure the body wouldn't be recognizable as a corpse. Muzzle and Fordo don't get that brotherly overprotectiveness because they're just as prone to mother-henning as Alpha is. On their days off, the three of them team up to make the lives of anyone who dares fuck with their siblings hell.

*Specifically the Alphas that serve the Republic. Do you really think Mr. "They grow up loyal to the Republic or they don't grow up at all" would be at all sympathetic to Sull and Spar's reasons? The best case scenario is that he tells them that he's pulled some strings (read: blackmailed and threatened) to get them back into the GAR scot-free and if they do not accept it he will break their fucking limbs and drag them back.

#star wars #alpha 17 #alpha arcs #he's protective of his former cadets too but he believes that they should handle their problems themselves or he'll have failed as a teache #he also happens to fucking hate the nulls in general and ordo in particular so the idea of making one *disappear* delights him #seventeen is goddamn spiteful and also the republic's biggest purveyor of war crimes; this isn't to do with the post it's just a note #triple zero and the repcomm series as a whole would have ended in the space of a chapter if maze had just called him #man would have teleported to coruscant and started some shit #two days later the war is over palpatine is dead the entire cast of republic commando is gazing open-mouthed in shell-shock #seventeen is proclaiming himself god-emperor while cackling #forget disney potentially nerfing him; the comics themselves had to do it or there would be no rots or original trilogy

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al-luviec · 4 months ago

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compiled whatever this is (and I run out of tag space)

meh HoT gifs (3/?)

#alek gifs #ninjago #ninjago krux #ninjago acronix #hands of time #time twins #alternate title to this series is : stuff i noticed after watching this season 10 whole times #okay actually thats a lie. i realized this the 3rd time around #i think of acronix and how he barely makes any decisions for himself and i go crazy #ppl equate that with him feeling forced to do stuff.. uh hes always been a follower guys!!#cue him calling wu “master wu” even after the twins betrayal. him liking machia bc shes “mean” and bossy #he has no issue with following orders lol. prepare for a long acronix rant one day #contexts -> gif 1 barely counts i just wanted to include him looking at krux. he does this a lot during that fight #gif 2 is before they kill blunck and raggmunk (idk how to spell their names still ... sorry)#gif 3 is before they were going to kill wu in the golden hour legacy short. which is canon !!#gif 4 is before they sent themselves into the temporal vortex #that one post that was like “are we still doing revenge? yeah? cool” bc thats basically acronix #there is something fundamentally wrong with these two's brains but idk how to describe it #krux who literally lost his mind after losing his brother to the point he adopted an entire identity #“he just needed to go undercover!!” counter point as soon as acronix came back he was unable to pretend to be saunders. he acted super weird #like when kai was in the museum he couldnt pretend to be this person he wasnt. acronix was back !!! so was he. krux was 100% going to kill #the smith sibs if maya and ray didnt comply. also.. canonly they knew him when they worked as teachers back in s3. he watched them grow up #and pretended all was well meanwhile their parents were being forced to work and slave away to build the iron doom. he is not normal #then you have acronix who thrives off of violence and is described as throwing himself into battle like a blunt object. has no regard #for himself as a person and just takes (almost) everything his brother says as gospel. s7 couldve done smthn really cool with how #the only thing the twins ever really disagreed on was technology. also ive went on a semirant about how krux's hatred for tech was misplaced #hatred for losing acronix. wanted to travel to the pre modern era? okay well whyd he pick 40 years ago specifically. also NOTE that they #went back after their past selves had lost. they wouldve faired better if they went and helped their past selves. also the reversal blade #had already fallen so when the twins went back in time there was two kruxes. he literally went back to when he had been all alone for the #for the first time. he went back to when his life was ruined and his brother was gone!! but he had nix with him this time . ughdhf

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fellamarsh · 4 months ago

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another thing i've been trying to do recently is read more self-published stuff. "but fell," you say, "you're a self-published author. surely you've been reading self-published stuff all along" and then i laugh for so long in response we both become uncomfortable.

see, the fear (which has for a long time been killing my mind) that i'll read other self-published stuff and find out that it's so much better than mine that i might as well stop writing forever kept me from doing that basically ever. i have a hard time not unfavorably comparing my work to others and had convinced myself i was being smart by withholding an avenue of de-motivation (reader: i was not being smart). it also doesn't help that i'm pretty low income and have a hard time spending money on books i haven't already read, and that self-published stuff isn't always available at the library---but really a lot of it was just me being a coward. which i'm working on. i could talk about how this particular cowardice is Very Silly, but i think enough has been said about it on writeblr and in the Writing Space in general that i don't feel the need to (though i will if anyone wants me to).

instead, i wanna talk about the self-published things i have read in the past few months and ask about the self-published things you love!

so: what happened was i got real sick, and while i was real sick i (naturally) read over 200,000 words of ace attorney fan fiction in the span of a few days. eventually i got bored of it (and also maybe annoyed at how people were characterizing some of my guys), but i still wanted to read something gay and romantic and nice, something i knew was gonna end happily, which isn't my typical fare.

now you may be saying (having gotten over all the uncomfortable laughter from earlier) "fell, you write gay romance. what do you mean that's not your typical fare?" listen. until a couple months ago i hadn't read a cut and dry romance novel since before i finished college. for context: i graduated in 2015. i know it doesn't make sense. i'm a guy who doesn't make sense.

but in this case it worked to my advantage. not the not making sense thing, but the not having read Published Romance in 1000 years thing. I didn't know where to start. I was very skeptical of everything the library had Available Now in the Gay Fantasy Romance category. what if it was all bad and also not good?

and then i scrolled past the familiar cover of our very own @ashen-crest's A Rival Most Vial.

now this was comfortable territory! this was a novel by a very nice writeblr person whose posts i enjoy! i already loosely knew the plot, i was familiar with the characters, i knew the names of things like rosemond street and the griffin's claw and that ambrose had blue hair and that at the end of it all there would definitely be Boyfriends. i didn't have to worry that this would be bad! i only had to worry that it would be really good!

but i wasn't worried about that, because i was officially Not Writing at the time, and because why the hell hadn't i read this book yet Ash literally emailed me some very kind words last year when my cat died??

Y'all, I devoured ARMV. If you haven't read it yet---especially if cozy fantasy is more your thing than it is mine---you should check it out Immediately. It was fun! It was heartwarming! It was sweet and earnest and confident! I was delighted to find it was occasionally hot! Ambrose and Eli snuggled up into my sick exhausted heart and found a permanent little place there. (Especially Ambrose. I have such a thing for Stiff Guys who Kind of Suck for Tragic Backstory Reasons and are So So Lonely They Don't Even Realize It. gawd)

(And a very small part of my brain spent the whole time wondering why I had been so afraid to really engage with the work my community is doing. The community that I'm in. The one I'm a part of. Why?! Maybe more on that later.)

But from there the curse was broken! I immediately devoured @stjohnstarling's What Manner of Man in a similar sort of frenzy (and hooooly shit guys am I excited for the expanded, finalized version to come out at the end of next month!) and started digging into @lurinatftbn's The Flower that Bloomed Nowhere (which I can already tell is going to be an All Time Favorite).

And now I want to ask you what your favorite self-published books are so that I can read them, too, but I think I will in another post that doesn't dedicate so much space to talking about my various and sundry Issues and isn't Terminally Long

#my god the library. darling. beloved. breath of my life and heart of my soul.#i should make a post about her #also. and maybe i'll make a separate post about this at some point too #but i truly think the free serialized webnovel rough draft ala What Manner of Man is The Future #i should probably make a whole separate post about all these novels too tbh.#boutta become Posting Guy. The Guy Who Posts #and writes novels in the tags. but i've always been like that #i never talked about the dream i had where i was emry karic from the lutesong series did i? i totally meant to. fucked up!#so i had a dream where i was emry karic.#I (emry karic) was fleeing a bunch of elves in a forest with my mom and sister (who were fully my irl mom and sister)#they thought i had done a murder and were chasing me (emry karic) with spears and stuff. they almost caught me #but i managed to escape. later i came upon a weird old-timey fantasy carnival.#and for some reason one of the fun attractions at this carnival was A Day in Court #where you watch someone defend themselves in court.#you'll never guess who had to defend himself in court and what the charges were!#notably there were no other characters from the lutesong series involved.#and i also have yet to read any of the books in the lutesong series. emry and his flower crown simply invaded my brain out of nowhere #i thought about turning this post into separate posts or rewriting it or smthn because it's so long and all over the place but #that sort of defeats the whole trying to just post and not be so up my own ass about it that i never actually post thing #so here you go #if you are also someone who struggles or once struggled with reading other people's stuff because of self esteem issues. hi!#we're now spidermen pointing at each other

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