#but they dont work over text
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ughhhh
#im bad enough at texting that i look up how to do it sometimes#thing is theres no good instructions#all of it basically is tips for texting someone in a romantic context#& 99% of it is stupid#i dont want to know how to win a girl over via text (as a man ofc bc gays dont exist)#i just want to be able to make friends#idk man i never struggled this much with verbal communication#bc you have a lot more to work with#& i have tricks by now also#but they dont work over text#i think my main problem is that it scares me so much#but ughhhh#mine#kinda embarrassing that i do this actually#but oh well#every once in a while i come across something vaguely useful#probably the only way to learn is by doing :(
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Haunted car au?
I am writing this purely on mobile, so format might get weird, sorry in advance.
Danny didn't mean to get stuck, honest. But a dare is a dare, and damnit if he wasn't going to get that fifty dollars from Jason, "I stole the wheels at the age of 12" Peters. Danny would bet that same fifty that Jason was just waiting for him to come back and tell Jason he got zapped so he could laugh at him. Jerk.
But... accidentally possessing the Batmobile after the zap was completely unintentional. Wait, would this mean he gets double the money? He did get the sticker put on before he possessed the car.... He did also technically successfully hijack the car, which would totally constitute a bonus.... Would this be grand theft auto if he is the car... can a car steal itself? He was dumped out of his slightly hysterical panic by a weird feeling in his... engine? and felt himself? move in a way that he did not control. Where was he going? Why was he going? HOW FAST CAN THIS THING GO?
Needless to say, Danny's night was going poorly. Failed dare, grand theft kidnapping, unwilling participant of picking up an injured Batman, and now knowing the exact route to get to the super secret Bat Cave, that is, in fact an actual CAVE. If Jason doesn't pay him triple the amount AND cook him food for a week, he will riot.
Now.... how to....
HOOOOOONNNNNKKKK
...... oops
_____________
Next?
The prompt by @kizzer55555 is linked Here
@trappednyourheart
@candeartist422
@sebas-nights
@fandom-life-corrupted-me
#dp x dc#dpxdc#dc x dp#dcxdp#danny phantom crossover#dc crossover#Kizzer55555 ideas#The bet was to stick a Superman or Green Lantern sticker on the Batmobile#Danny succeeded but at what cost?#Danny is going to have the time of his life being a sentient car#John Constantine may get run over at some point#work in progress#lets see how long my attention span will last on this#This is all from mobile and I dont know how to do text edit things#this is mostly from Danny's pov. Therefore very unreliable and possible adhd-ness
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Jason Todd Red Beanie appreciation post
#The art mwah so beautiful#HES SO CUTE#THE WHITE CURLS COMING OUT AT THE FRONT#AND THEN THE BLACK AT THE BACK#(and sides)#I am aware that this is how beanies work lmao it just looks so lovely on him#Obsessed with this version of Jason#DC Jason artwork is actually feeding me#I’m so happy that this ‘look’ is canon for him you dont understand#I guess he’s The Red Beanie now#Who’s Red Hood? I only know Red BeanieTM#jason todd#red hood#batfamily#batfam#dc#dc comics#Gotham war#Also I edited the first pic. It originally had a large text bubble so I coloured over it using the background colour#Now I can see more of my boy’s face :)#(The white text bubble kind of drew my attention to itself after colouring out the text with white)#holy queue batman
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everytime i think about ex!bakugo, i get so emotional thinking about how he carries on with his day-to-day like the breakup didn’t happen.
he doesn’t even give himself time to mourn the relationship, to process the loss of you. he throws himself into work, practically drowning in it because he can’t bear staying idle.
you’re everywhere, still—
in the picture frames scattered around his home, in the decorative pieces that each hold their own memory. some of the clothes you returned to him smell like you.
when kirishima asks him how he is, he never answers, always redirecting the subject back to work. deku notices longer bouts of silence during joint patrols, and when he pries, bakugo’s only reply is, “s’not a concern.”
it’s unusual, because bakugo is loud and rough, he barks and barks and barks, but with this, he stays quiet.
#i think about ex bakugo so much if i spent the same amount of time thinkin abt him as writing him i would have finished the fic by now#JOSNXKSJXKSKXJDK#you’re still friends bc same circles and work#but because he throws himself so much into work you don’t really see eachother much a few months after the breakup#you worry for him still because you know his tendencies#you know he’ll push this to the side and keep it to himself until it all spills over one day#you find out he’s been staying completely quiet about it when mitsuki texts you and asks when you and katsuki will come for the holidays :(#he doesnt delete your photos HE DOESNT DELETE THEM. i dont think he has the heart to#bakugo x reader#shotorus.bubble#sigh
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when valve has enough money to buy god, but they let bots ruin their game for 5 years and dox people 🤖🔫 #FIXTF2
everyone who signs this 100k+ petition will have their name printed and sent to valve HQ. this shit is unacceptable.
#fixtf2#savetf2#team fortress 2#valve#i know hashtags dont work on tumblr in text posts but thats what the movement is called yknow#why are you - as valve - getting pwned by basement dwellers#art#tf2 fanart#scout#scout tf2#artists on tumblr#tf2#the bots were bad and annoying but then i found out they were literally committing felonies. i love valve but i hope they get sued now#TF2 is statistically and objectively one of THE most iconic FPS games of all time. it defined the genre. it persists at over 15 years old#it deserves so much better than this. its been five fucking years#TF2 basically got me *into* video games. it's art humor and characters have been MASSIVELY inspirational for me#i've made lifelong friends through TF2. this goofy hat simulator means A Lot to me and thousands of other people#2024 marks 10 years since I got into TF2 - late july 2014. it hurts to see the game in such a sorry state#but it's so nice to see people fighting for it again. if the world of warcraft guys can win maybe we can too#give it everything you've got boys o7 this is mainly a twitter movement but post it Everywhere You Can
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Fox tags along on a smuggling bust one (1) time and subsequently wishes he’d never been decanted.
Well, he’s arrested the perp a lot more than just one time, actually, but that very first tackle into a chokehold and electrocuffs more than sufficed to turn the fates against him - the fates, and Cody, the insufferable twat. They’re not actually even batchmates, the lot of them, and going by numbers Fox was decanted long before them (long as in seconds or minutes, no one actually knows), but Seventeen put them all in a training room together and then stupid kriffing Kote looked him up and down, nodded, and hasn’t stopped calling him vod’ika since.
“Why is one of the Republic’s most wanted criminals asking to speak to you, vod’ika?”, Cody asks, without any preamble, almost making Fox cut the holocall on principle. He would, if General Kenobi wasn’t right there next to the little shit. “And why do I not like his tone?”
Fox has to resist the urge to close his eyes and scream, making do with a deep sigh instead. Force curse the day Cody decided to adopt-nap him, and Wolffe following suit immediately. “Weequay, shifty eyes, stupid fucking pirate bandana?”
Cody’s eyes narrow suspiciously, and Kenobi’s eyebrows raise simultaneously. It’s more than a little creepy.
Fox rolls his eyes so hard he sees stars. “Tell him he can go space himself, unless he wants me to do it for him. And then tell him that if he sends me fuzzy fucking socks again I might just hunt him down and do it anyways.”
Past the slide of the door, Thorn’s unmistakable cackle reaches Fox. And Cody, going by the narrowing of his eyes. “Don’t tell him that, ori’vod, he’s probably into that”, Thorn calls out, gleefully, and Force Fox really should’ve kept this to himself in the first place.
He would’ve, actually, but the constant stream of strange presents into Guard headquarters is hard to miss. It was Alderaanian chocolates, last week, which Fox pawned off on the Shinies. A box from a store with a blacked out label before that, which he launched out the window with burning ears before Thire could get a closer look at it.
“Actually”, Thorn continues, happily, “I don’t think it matters much if you do tell him anything - it’s not like the Commander has been the most graceful courtée, and that hasn’t done anything to discourage our favorite smuggler.”
“Marshall Commander”, Fox hisses, because he’s a pissy bitch, and then, because all professionalism has gone out the window anyways, “This is why Stone is my favourite.”
Thorn’s wounded gasp is lost over Kenobi’s thoughtful hum, and Cody’s patented I’m-going-to-do-something-incredibly-stupid-and-you-can’t-stop-me glare. “That would explain why we have Hondo Ohnaka accosting our troopers about your flavour preferences concerning fruit candies. But the one asking to speak to you is Cad Bane, Marshall Commander.”
The string of curses Fox lets out at that is loud enough to have Mauler stick his head in the com room to ask if everything is alright, and Thorn roll on the floor with howling laughter.
Force curse the day he ever slapped electrocuffs on Hondo Ohnaka, and double-curse the one he threw Cad Bane to the floor with a scissor leg takedown.
#commander fox#commander cody#obi wan kenobi#commander thorn#hondo ohnaka#cad bane#fox is hot shit on the scene alright#cody is already texting the group chat#we need to update our hitlist. two new top spots#wolffe who is loading up his lasercannon: coordinates?#hondo ohnaka is the salivating puppy jumping around foxs feet for attention and cad bane is the black cat looming over his shoulder creepily#they take great issue with foxs work schedule#hondo makes this known verbally and also by smuggling stabby new sedatives and top of the shelf bedding#bane makes it known by assassinating the senator he saw make fox carry his bags through the senate for two days#YOU KIDNAP CHILDREN fox cries HOW IS THIS WHERE YOU DRAW THE LINE#i got paid to kidnap those children bane says simply#fox enters the scream closet#corries think this is the best thing since hot chocolate - better arguably bc they dont get to have hot chocolate really#cody wolffe bly and ponds think this is the worst thing ever in the history of the galaxy#cody has to be restrained from physically attacking cad bane when he asks if he thinks fox likes silk against his skin#fox thinks this is all incredibly unfair#I DON’T EVEN FLIRT WITH THEM I’M NOT KRIFFING KENOBI he wails#I JUST ARRESTED THEM LIKE ONE TIME#none of this can ever reach rex fox realizes in a cold sweat#or alpha-17#fix doesnt wear the fuzzy socks to sleep. HE DOESNT
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"is this a plant or a weed" im going to pull all the hair out of your head
#finally working up the nerve to make some progress on fixing up my garden#after it got completely destroyed by the ppl who replaced our roof#and im just sitting here SEETHING at all the damage#and i cant stop thinking abt how when i brought the inspsction guy around the yard and gave him a detailed explenation of all the damage#he was like 'well you have to understand we dont know a lot about gardening. a lot of this stuff even i wouldnt be able to tell if it was a#a plant or not'#and I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HE WAS IMPLYING#he didnt think my plants where rocks#he thoight they where 'WEEDS'#and instead of thinking 'lets try not to destroy any plantlife#those assholes thought 'lets try not to destroy anything that Looks Like A REAL Plant'#but all those WEEDS???? yeah lets STOMP ALL OVER THEM#ARGHGRHGHRHRH BITING GNAWING#I HATE MAINSTREAM GARDEN CULTURE YOURE ALL IDIOTS#ITS ALL PLANTS ITS ALL PLANTS#STOP MAKING PRECONCEIVED NOTIONS ABT WHAT DESERVES TO LIVE BASED ON APPERANCE OH MY GOD#text#lawn posting#<- because i blame stupid ass colonizer rich person lawn culture bs for this attitude#and they still stomped on my hostas and irsises and hakone grass anyway
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I keep starting and abandoning posts that go into my drafts, as I try to stay tasteful about how fucking revolted this part makes me. Like, I'm legitimately unsure if the very relevant trauma I have is making me see things that aren't here
But first we see that Star Flower is trying to ingratiate herself to the group, just after she reappears from chapter 5. Chapter 5 is about how Clear Sky is still abusive towards his son, and she comes in after stroking his ego, stressing how alone she is, and appealing to how she'll be loyal unlike his child. (She glances over at Thunder, directly implying this.)
Now in Chapter 9, she's babysitting and trying to care for Milkweed's kits (in spite of discomfort from Milkweed), taking a wet sleeping space away from the others, and pulling more than her own weight "without complaint." Putting herself through harsh sitations to prove her worth.
All while trying to appear extra attractive to Thunder, and later Clear Sky. Basically every man in power who can "protect her"
Like, am I going fucking crazy? With how we later find out that Star Flower was "promised as a mate" to One Eye's subordinate Slash, is... is that hypersexualization? One of the extremely stigmatized symptoms of sexual abuse?
She goes to find Clear Sky alone to throw herself at his paws, and he's very quickly attracted to how she promises to perfectly obey him, have no needs of her own, and finally be the perfect servant that he desires
"I don't deserve your trust because I am dirt. I understand you because I also regret something. I'd die for you. I'll never betray you unlike those who have."
This isn't manipulation. She means this. The story is playing their romance sincerely. She's comparing "betraying" Thunder by telling her own father about an assassination ambush to Clear Sky's history of child abuse, physical assault, and murder
She believes she's on the same level as this; a monster who murdered a childhood friend in a fit of entitled rage. She was a victim of One Eye who really believes that the way her father used her means she "understands" this monster, deserves this treatment.
And Clear Sky LIKES that.
He likes that she will have COMPLETE FAITH in him. That she will follow him WITHOUT QUESTION. That she will OBEY his orders. That's fucking verbatim, that's THE TEXT!!!
WHILE HE'S STILL CRYING ABOUT "ive tried to atone every day" FOLLOWING THE LAST TWO BOOKS WHERE THE ONLY SHITTY THING HE DOESN'T DO IS MURDER INNOCENT WOMEN
Am I insane?? Am I wrong??? Am I missing something here???? Why the fuck is the fandom takeaway "haha sexy girl steals his dad." Did I read the same book
#Csa mention#Did they once again do a misogyny so hard they accidentally gave their woman character trauma#My tip to anyone in a draining relationship. If your partner fetishizes that YOU would never leave or betray them unlike ''all the others''#RUN.#There may be a reason their exes cut ties with them and they're praising you for ignoring red flags#Especially when your partner is significantly older and more experienced#Theres nothing noble about constantly suffering for the sake of 'loyalty'#Star Flower PLEASE get out of here you dont fucking deserve this you did nothing wrong#Bones reads dotc#Dotc hate#I thought i was just remembering things wrong when i was adding the subtheme of thunder having a connection to star via abusive dads-#-in my dotc rewrite. But no it's right there. It's in the text and it's something clear is attracted to#I abuse the shit out of my son and he left me once over it#But i can abuse this girl his same age and she won't run. Finally! A victim who won't leave!#And then they become mates and she births at least two litters#Cw abuse#sa mention#EDIT: I've changed the language just slightly#because the timeline COULD work out that starf was an adult when she was promised to slash for a very brief window of time#and hypersexualization is a symptom of trauma resulting from many types of sex abuse. Even that done when the victim was an adult.#it's just more common in CSA
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Blorbo's Eepiest Soldier
Thank you everyone for your kind words, I'm doing better and am back to it <3
#helloo!#thank you all for the well wishes#I have really appreciated every kind word#I'm doing better now and have gotten back to school work#i am so eepy though#eepiest soldier#im also being overworked on my capstone game team and the team lead even told me shes over working me so thats#fun#counting going to this capstone class and meetings and such im putting like 25+ hours in a week for it#and i do have 2 other classes#and a social life i enjoy having#haha#but im happy to do the work cause its good portfolio stuff#except when my producer comes up to me and says "yknow how ur in charge of all the 2d art and concepting and branding and ui and pr? yeah g#make a 3-4 page detailed comic for plot at the start of our game cause we dont wanna cut plot (even tho we dont have time for it) and we#dont wanna show plot through interactable objects and dialogue/text so more work for you even tho u legit dont have time for it#ngl tho i have genuinely been enjoying designing icons and doing model concepts#i made some fire designs recently#please hire me a game company tm#anyway enough of capstone talk#love you all!!!#im excited to graduate and finally be able to change my bio!!#hope you all have a very lovely rest of your day <33#furry#fursona#digital art#art#eepy
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i have to say its a strange experience taking classes on branding and marketing while being vehemently anticapitalist and scorning the economic system
#i shit you not ill be in class and theyre talking abt how to make brands memorable and use words to describe their tone and feel#and at the same time i see starbucks endorsing genocide and greedflation and AI techbros scheming us into extinction#its extremely fucking dystopian. and its even worse when u have teachers telling u to use chatGPT and midjourney for#placeholder text and images. like damn. this is really the industry im going into huh#i feel complicit doing this because i want to pursue graphic design but its chilling to see ppl get really worked up abt branding#do u not feel used?? doesnt it feel like youre giving a faceless entity a mask to gloss over the ugly parts?? cuz i do#i get excited at the design and UX aspect of things like how people think and how design and user interfaces are planned around how#we think and act. but when the endgoal becomes marketing or doing it for companies it just feels like a waste#like i think this is what bill watterson meant when he didnt want calvin and hobbes to be commercialized#i dont want to do anything else unless it comes to that like i change my career path somewhere down the line. but fuck dude#im just gonna keep using unsplash and lorem ipsum as much as i can because i sure as hell dont wanna add to the problem if i cant solve it#yapping#vent
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page 1/3
I had thought of this as the finished version but I'm on a lineart kick so I might clean it up more and keep this as a colored sketch. See if I can capture the Vibe™ and get lines I actually like lol
#teared up planning this one#(as in the over-all comic not this page specifically)#i dont think i'll post the wips of the other pages but this has been in my drafts for a minute so i figured why not#i havent done art in a little bit (my tablet fell behind my bed) but i think i have enough ideas to dig it out and work on things tonight#i managed some lines i *really* liked in another wip recently so im hoping i can keep that going#and maybe ill actually make a color palette for the bg this time around so i dont forget what i did lol#dreading the shading a little bit. fun in theory infuriating in practice#my art#wip#bg3#bg3 art#bg3 fanart#wyll ravengard#bg3 tav#corentin#the prodigal saer#bg3 durge#wyll x tav#wyll x durge#great expectations#id in alt text
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NEED to rant to someone about my writing but a; i hate showing people my writing because im so fucking scared of what they will think of it and b; im terrible at talking out loud about things i like and c; i dont want to annoy anyone 😔😔
#cat's rambles#like seriously i love the oneshot thing im currently working on#but im too fucking embarrassed to show it to anyone because im scared they wont like it#like honestly fucking terrified bc if i show them and they dont like it im prolly gonna be really upset#and i want to ramble about it out loud! but i cant even ramble about things over text because im scared!!#im also terrible at putting things into words so id probably mess up while talking about it and die of shame
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sitting in the parking lot thinking i might vom
#it's a chain place and ive been on the other side of places like this#(i wasnt an interviewer but i was friends with them)#and there at least people would show up late + in sweats for the interview and they'd get it!#they would show up with 'oh yeah interview today almost forgot' and they'd get it!#meanwhile im having a breakdown trying to do everything right and perfect#making sure i look nice but not too nice bc again its a chain fast food place and i cant try Too Hard#also these pants dont have belt loops and they tend to shift#AND my right hand is swollen from the wasp sting yesterday so im worried its gonna be 'wtf is wrong with you'#but also shouldn't it say something that im here anyway even though i could have rescheduled#but then its like... im not gonna kill myself for this place like i did at mcd and does it give that impression?#or should i have rescheduled bc they'll think it's bad decision making to come anyway with my hand swollen#also worried that i should have parked nearby and come over closer to the time bc am i the freak sitting in the parking lot#but at least im early! but am i too early? but im out here not rushing them. but should i be so they know I Am Interested#not to even mention wtf im gonna say to them to explain my employment gap#and im so paranoid that im gonna go in and say im there for an interview and they're gonna be like ???#bc it was through an automatic text/email thing when i applied#which was how my last job happened but idk. maybe im an idiot and it's all fake so they can point and laugh#and i KNOW thats ridiculous. but that's how it feels rn.#also im worried they'll ask if i want something to eat/drink and i dont know the right answer#like i feel like i should say yes bc what do you mean you wont eat here? but the wrong thing means im taking advantage#and how will i be if im actually working there?#and its all so dumb bc#AGAIN people roll out of bed confident and they're fine. meander their way through and theyre fine. theres no reason to think i wont be#but ANXIETY#its gonna be an out of body experience no matter what and later I'll wonder about all the things i dont remember#if i fucked up or not#and now i have to go in bc it's 7 minutes until my time and i want to be a little early but not too much#fuck#wish me luck#ks talks
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i had to mute any tsh related words on tiktok because people are like lobotomized or smthn
#tbh i HATE engaging with fandom im ngl#lowkey i dont even see tsh posts over here unless its art work or my eyes scan the text for bunny related stuff.#redit and tt and yt and every other place is just dum asf abt this book which makes me sad. oh donna baby ur legacy#i never read any fics unless theyre like idk suuuper eye catchy#but yeah the tsh fandom in particular is so cringe and their takes are so fucking idiotic#grow a brain#i may choose ships w my pussy but i consume media with my smooth brain#and if MY smooth brain can percieve it better than u.....girl....i got some news for u lmfao
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LOVE when the pharmacy decides to fucking dick around with my meds so badly that now I’m off my mood stabilizer, my pain meds, and my fucking birth control (in a few days) because they’re insisting I should have extra fucking bottles of each one and I DONT because they don’t let me pick up more than a one month supply of narcotics at a fucking time so do explain where these extra bottles are, hmm ????? and they didn’t have enough caplyta ordered last time to even give me my usual 3 months supply of that so … ???? get your fucking heads out of your asses and give me the fucking meds you owe me ??? like ??? but I’m in a nasty headspace right now so if I call the pharmacy this morning, I’m going to be that cunt ass customer they bitch about all day because this isn’t the first time they’ve done this. in fact, the first time, they straight up committed insurance fraud by marking one of my scripts as filled and picked up WHEN, IN REALITY, THEY FUCKING LOST THE SCRIPT AND HAD NO RECORD OF IT BEING FILLED OR PICKED UP IN THEIR SYSTEM, BUT YET, MARKED IT AS SUCH AND CHARGED MY INSURANCE AN ALMOST 8 GRAND FOR THE FUCKING 3 MONTHS OF MY MOOD STABILIZER THAT I. NEVER. RECEIVED. I’m genuinely about to report this entire pharmacy to the pharmacy board because I’m so fucking done with this place. it needs to be shut the fuck down because you’re telling me, out of an entire pharmacy, y’all share the same IQ point AND dead brain cell, collectively ??? then don’t fucking work in healthcare where people rely on you to know your shit and keep track of their fucking meds because you’re just constantly making shit worse on people since you can’t seem to not fuck around with these meds and not ‘lose’ scripts. fuck out of here.
and I’m pretty much out of weed, which is usually my back up pain management method, without the money to afford a delivery order by their cut off time to order in 3 hours because I just paid my fucking bills and have SOME to go towards it, but not enough for delivery to be free, and I’d still have to walk my ass to one of the ATM’s nearby because they don’t accept my bank as a prepaid method OR any of the cards I have on my person. 🫠
I can literally feel my back spasming and seizing on and off while I’m laying on my fucking side, I’ve had a migraine with a stupid ass aura for almost a week now because chronic migraines fucking suck and i was REALLY hoping this one would be over by now, my muscle inflammations that my pain meds are supposed to limit are already beginning to start their itching deep in my muscles so soon they’ll blossom into a whole fibromyalgia fucking episode and become entirely inflamed, my joints in my hands fucking hurt because of the dreary weather so I really need to get into a rheumatologist at some point soon as well and get that shit figured out, I’m nauseas as fuck from all the pain, and I’m moody, hormonal, and just feel like fucking death physically.
I’m just. I give up.
this shit is exhausting and painful and so mentally fucking taxing to constantly deal with and I just want a fucking break from all this fucking shit. I wish I could just … not exist … for even just a little while with how fucking painful existing actually feels right now 🫠😭
#i hate that CT weed is so fucking expensive#half a fucking ounce shouldn’t cost me $250 …….. not when I can go to MA and get an ounce for $108 after tax ……..#but I don’t have a way to MA because my fucking best friend. who made plans with me OVER THE WEEKEND. HER. SHE INITIATED THEM.#canceled on me last second even though I texted her early the night before when I know she would see it 🫠#nope instead she waited from the text I sent at 6:30pm until noon the next day to cancel because her period is kicking her ass#NOT FOR FUCKING NOTHING BUT SO THE HELL IS MINE ???? AND IM ANEMIC ??? AND DEALING WITH ALL THIS EXTRA PAIN ON TOP OF IT ????#and I know I’m being irrational and insensitive because pain tolerance is a sliding scale for everyone#but like fucking come on you do this 3 out of 4 times YOU make the plans to hang out and I’m fucking over it.#plus I’m the one that always pays for everything and does she ever even OFFER to hit me back for the COUNTLESS ounces of weed I’ve got her#all because she couldn’t afford it so I said I’d cover it and she never paid me back. I’ve bought her at least a grand’s worth of weed#just over the last couple months and she’s never ONCE offered to pay me back for a single one#like ……… I don’t expect it. I give if I have it. but you can’t even just offer ??? like the invitation to pay me back would be enough to no#leave m ragingly pissed off and feeling used as an atm again for yet another ‘friend’ because they don’t even OFFER to be considerate#of course I’d say not to worry about it but it doesn’t even cross your fucking head to ask if I want anything towards it#like the next time you get paid ??? when you go and spend your own money on weed that day but can’t reimburse me for anything IVE paid for#oh and I always have to give her gas money if I even simply just want to hang out because she’s always fucking broke somehow#and she works in healthcare like bitch I know what you make and you can’t play that you don’t have enough to get by or throw me 50 bucks#towards YOUR weed that I’m buying every once in a fucking while when I’m already paying for everything fucking else#I’m so angry and I know I’m being irrational and bitchy but this is what happens when you’re tripped off your meds cold turkey#and one of them is a mood stabilizer that makes it so you DONT feel this way about people and aren’t so bitter when you’re let down 🫠🫠🫠#because now my rejection sensitive dysphoria is going to be triggered even easier than usual and I’m just.#I actually fucking give up. I don’t even know what to do here. the pain going through my body is so fucking intense#I keep losing my train of thought because everything hurts and then every once in a while a DIFFERENT pain acts up and throws itself in too#I just. I just can’t fucking win.#I hate fucking struggling with my mental state like this when I’m off my meds.#and because I have to be a month without my stabilizer/pain management/birth control it’s going to take me ANOTHER month to get readjusted#to those in my body so I won’t feel normal again until nearly fucking mid to end January the earliest#and that’s fucking bullshit. I’m going to fucking **** myself by the time I get back on these fucking meds since it’ll take that long#fucking hell I just. I give up. I give in. I’m self isolating and cutting myself off from everyone because it’ll be in THEIR best interest#for me to do so when I can’t control my mind like this. I’m so tired of feeling so fucking shitty and I’ve only been off them for two days
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haikaveh... save me haikaveh...
i KNOW it's been talked about to death but. the haikaveh research project. it literally haunts my mind. i cannot get over the implications. alhaitham going through his school life as someone that most people dont even really know about because he keeps to himself and doesn't socialize, with kaveh being the one exception to that, finding his way into his life as his Best Friend, and then leading to alhaithams one and only time he participated in a research topic. his bio says he only ever did ONE joint project!!! one!!! the one with kaveh his best friend and i think also his only friend at the time!!!! and then it ended in not only the project falling apart but also alhaithams only friendship. kavehs best friendship. they were each others closest person. they had no family around - alhaithams parents having died when he was young and his grandmother dying before he joined the akademiya, and kaveh's dad dying when he was young and his mom having moved to fontaine. like even if you dont look at it through a romantic lens it's still undeniable how important they were [and are] to each other..........
i'm getting off track but my point is very specifically for alhaitham, the one time he got close to someone, made a friend, even agreed to join one(1) group project ever, it ended in disaster. it led him into a fight so bad that his one and only friend said he regretted that friendship!!!! it was so bad alhaitham left the project and he and kaveh didnt speak for ages until they just happened to run into each other again at the tavern!!!!! like obviously it has to be incredibly awful for both of them but i just think how this probably had alhaitham in the cynical mindset that friendships and collaborations like that might just never work out for him because the one time he let someone into his life, it blew up on him and he was all alone again. even though alhaitham never seems to care much if people dont like him, that clearly cant still apply to someone he was exceptionally close to. like if he didnt care he woudlnt have been the one to take his name off the project and mutually not speak to kaveh...... kavehs words are the ones that hit the most significantly to alhaitham.......... kaveh is said/implied to have had at least some other friends while at school / people knew who he was, but not so much alhaitham. people didnt know him and the ones that did just knew he didnt socialize/he was not easy to get along with. he only had kaveh and then, for a while, he lost him too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#the number of times i have reread alhaitham character story 4 and kaveh character story 5. like. dont look at me. kfjsdklfh#on one hand im tempted to think alhaitham would have a fully cynical view of friendship#and be like USELESS NEVER AMOUNTS TO ANYTHING but. i kinda dont think he works like that#well i dont think he would think that either way now but#even in times of friendship breaking up w/kaveh like#alhaitham is very FACTS AND LOGIC and i feel like he would still like#idk. understand the objective value of human companionship. whether or not he feels it works for him#HOWEVER. jkdlhfsd he is also the one who in his other lore bits was like 'grandmother the other children are boring at school'#AT AGE SEVEN god he was probably such an unintentionally funny child. i love u alhaitham u are so neurodivergently coded#so idk i feel like he would have a period where hes like okay. i was alone before and clearly that was the right call bc my 1 friend is gon#even if he does well alone i cant even imagine like. kaveh mustve been a huge impact and difference in alhaithams life#humans need SOME level of socialization!! and kaveh was his.... aughhh god they literally also read as having a bad breakup!!!!!#queer coded TO ME!!!!!! friends to rivals/friends to lovers to enemies to it's complicated..................#but again even if u dont think of it in a romantic sense like it's still so much. they were and are so significant to each other.#their bond is so complex and oughghdhgh they make me go bonkers#i do not think of any other 2 genshin characters so intensely as i do them .what have they done to me. what the fuck.#im alone in my stupid little genshin pit endlessly babbling about these motherfuckers!!!!!!!#and i love them. also i like that one scene in i think cynos 2nd character quest where al and kav r in the library or w/e#and kavehs like wtf no way u dont small talk w/coworkers. and alhaithams like no i just happen 2 hear people but i do not engage#hes so real he likes to eavesdrop but he does NOT want to get involved!!!!!!!!!!!!#also that same scene where kaveh goes 'WTF looking thru these will take FOREVER!!!!' alhaitham: 'ill manage'#kaveh: >:( FINE ILL HELP YOU!!!! like ok he did not ask. silly.#and alhaitham teasing him right after all that. 'teach me to pretend u werent listening' '...' '...' '...' '...HEY STOP IGNORING ME' 'see.'#theyre so goofy. kaveh u walked right into that one. ily.#i love when i talk about characters and it's literally just me going 'wow remember when character x said this. remember when he did that.'#i just love repeating scenes and dialogue and lore over and over and over and offering nothing new to say about it JKFLDSHKLFH#sorry i love them SO much and im bad at drawing and bad at fanfic so i just have to ramble in text posts forever#i do have. a fanfic outlined for them. i am just scared to write it#nothing crazy deep or whatever but yknow. im in a bit of a Funk Right Now dont worry about it#i need a constant stream of alhaitham and kaveh content constantly injected directly into my brain.
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