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asirensrage · 2 years ago

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Caught in the Crossfire - 3/53

Title: Caught in the Crossfire Rating: M Pairings: Michelle (OC) x Sam side pairing: Kelly (OC) x Dean Fandom: Supernatural. Includes characters from BtvS, The Darkest Powers Series by Kelley Armstrong, True Blood, Veronica Mars, X-Men, Harry Potter Warnings: PTSD, trauma, violence, murder, loss of time, demonic possession, mentions of starvation, anger, slow burn, learning to fight and survive Summary: Takes place during s5. Michelle was just trying to gain some semblance of normality. She didn’t expect to be a part of a fail-safe for the apocalypse. Reuniting with her best friend who should be dead, she struggles with trying to survive this world while being forced into a position that has her taking care of others who also don’t belong. She just wants to go home.

Notes: and we're back to Michelle's POV

also on ffn and ao3

Chapter 3: Balance and Solidarity

You get nothin' for nothin' Tell me who can you trust - If You Want Blood (You Got It) by AC/DC

I woke up slowly. It felt like I had slept for weeks. My head felt groggy. My eyes felt like they were sealed shut. I rubbed them hard to get them open. I was lying on the cot in the panic room. It was still real. It wasn’t a dream.

I sat up slowly. Despite not feeling anywhere near awake, I felt okay. I didn’t feel like everything hurt, or that I was suffering from starvation. It was odd. I stood up and I didn’t feel like I was going to fall.

I looked around the room. The cold iron was comfortable to have around me, but I headed to the door. I needed to figure out what was happening. I needed to find Kelly.

The door was open. The basement was ominous when it was empty. I headed up the stairs. When I got to the top, I paused. Kelly was coming in the back door with Dean following her.

“Kels?”

She grinned at me. “Mish!” She walked up to me. I hugged her tightly. I felt her stiffen before she hugged me back. “This is weird,” she muttered.

“I wasn’t sure you were real,” I said. “I thought I was dreaming.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” she whispered. “We’re okay. We gotta whole lot of weird to deal with, but we’re okay.”

I let go and pulled back. “What happened?”

“You’ve been asleep for two days. Castiel knocked you out.” She looked back at Dean.

“He healed you,” Dean said. “Least, physically.” I nodded. That explained how I felt okay, at least, to a point.

“Hey, not to like...push things,” Kelly said, looking over at Dean. “But we kind of need a huge favour. I smell. Jane smells. Mish...definitely smells.” I went to protest then stopped myself. She wasn’t wrong. “We need to go shopping for essentials. I don’t know about them, but I didn’t need to change as a ghost. Pretty sure that Jane stole the clothes she’s wearing.” Kelly looked at me.

“I didn’t have time to grab anything. I left with what I had,” I tried not to think about the diner and how I only had time to run.

“We’ll...also need to use your credit cards.”

“Right,” Dean said. He looked both of us over before he nodded. “I’ll grab Sam. Find Jane and meet us at the car.”

My eyes widened and I looked at Kelly. “ The car?”

“Oh god,” Kelly muttered. She looked at Dean. “Now you’ve done it.” She turned back to me. “Best friend comes back from the dead, you’re merely happy. Get to ride in the Impala? Exuberant. I see where I stand.” I hit her, smacking her shoulder with my hand. It felt instantly like she had never left. My throat tightened, remembering what it was like when she died.

“Five minutes!” I jumped at Dean’s voice as he moved past us.

“Mish, you’re starting to scare them.”

I jolted out of my staring. “Sorry,” I muttered. The car was beautiful. It was pretty much exactly what it looked like in the show. I stepped forward. Both the men were watching. “I’m sorry,” I said louder. “It’s just...it’s a beautiful car.”

Dean grinned and nodded. “Damn right she is. Get in.”

Sam opened the back passenger door. Jane entered first, looking around the car slowly. I went next and Kelly came in after me. I looked around. The leather bench seats felt real and there were some wrappers on the floor. I couldn’t stop my excitement. It still felt surreal but for a second, it was almost like I could forget everything that brought me here. I leaned over the front seat as the boys got in.

“Dean! Can you play AC/DC and blast it?” I asked. I heard Sam groan but Dean gave a small laugh and popped in a tape. The sound of TNT came on and I started to sing along.

“I thought you were terrible at staying awake in cars?” Kelly half yelled. She had never been a fan of loud music.

“I am!” I yelled back. She sighed, closed her eyes and leaned her head against the window. The music would help keep me awake.

Jane leaned over from next to me. “I do not understand your affection for this noise.”

“It’s not noise,” I said. “It’s music. Good music.”

“Hell yeah!” Dean said up at the front, banging his hands against the steering wheel to the beat. The music continued without further protest. After a few songs, the car finally slowed to a stop. We were in front of a Walmart.

“We’re here.” Sam turned to face us. “Go in, get what you need and we’ll call you. Here.” He started to hand a cellphone to Jane before he realized who it was and gave it to me. “Take my cell. We’ll be back in a bit to pay for everything.”

Kelly opened her eyes and sat up. “You aren’t coming in?” I paused. I hadn’t considered that. I looked out the window. There were people in there. People who didn’t know about the truth of this world, people who could be things that weren’t human.

“You need us to hold your hands?” Dean looked over the seat. “Unless you’re planning on running off, you don’t need us standing ‘round while you shop. We’re going for food. We’ll be back in half an hour. If anyone else but me calls, you don’t answer.” He pointed at me. I nodded automatically. “Now go!”

Kelly turned and opened the door. I didn’t move. There was so much that could go wrong. Jane pushed on my back. I went out slowly.

The boys drove off and I stared at the store, instantly regretting coming. I should have just told them to buy me things and to guess at the size. There were too many people here.

“Hey,” I looked over at Kelly. “It’ll be okay.”

“Yeah,” I said. I didn’t tell her that the thought of going in there, being surrounded by people who could be anything, was making my heart pound and my palms sweat. “Let’s get this over with quickly.”

I stared at the mirror. It was odd looking at myself. My brown hair fell limp against my head. My cheeks were a little sunken. I used to think my eyes were my best feature. Now they just looked haunted.

Nothing fit. Not like it was supposed to. I had never been thin back home, but the stress of this world had played havoc on me. I used to wear a large in shirts because of my stomach and chest. Now it felt too big. The only thing that hadn’t changed was the size of my feet.

“Michelle?” I jumped slightly at Kelly’s voice. I hadn’t wanted either of them out of sight, but that didn’t work when it came to trying on clothes. “You done?”

“Yeah,” I opened the change room door. “I need new sizes though.”

“In what?”

“Everything.”

“Really?” she looked me up and down. “Well, I guess you are thinner. Come on,” she said. “I need you to help me convince Jane to wear a bra.”

“What?”

“She says, and I quote, the contraptions are confusing and a binding is easier.”

“Where is she now?” I asked.

“At the knives. She tried stuff on and once it fit, she left it in my basket. She’s still wearing the bindings but I took the bras in her size and added it to the stuff.” Kelly motioned to a cart she had next to her. “Come on, let’s grab the sizes you need and find her before the boys call. She’s demanding we grab work out clothes or clothes you can move freely in.”

“What? Why?”

“Hell if I know!” Kelly raised her hands in the air and then dropped them. She looked frustrated, which was understandable. “Come on, we also need essentials. Like toothbrushes and deodorant. Don’t tell the guys but I’ve been using whoever’s deodorant is in the bathroom. I smell like a dude.”

“It’s probably Bobby’s…”

“Eh…” she shrugged. “Then he’s even less likely to know or complain. Come on, maybe we can freak the guys out and buy a ton of tampons. After all we are three girls and it's bound to happen eventually.”

By the time the boys had called and found us, we were ready to go.

“You sure you got everything?” Dean asked, looking at the full cart. “You don’t need more? Like the kitchen sink?”

“What’d you expect with three women who literally only have the clothes on their backs?” Kelly said.

“You guys didn’t even get coats,” he said, peering into the cart.

“We got coats. And layers.” She pulled out one of the thin coats we had grabbed. It was more of a fall type of coat.

“It’s freaking freezing outside and you’re telling me you just got that?”

Kelly and I both looked at each other.

“It’s not that cold?” I phrased it like a question even if I didn’t mean it that way.

“It’s twenty degrees!” Dean looked like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

I frowned. “What? It’s not hot out.”

“He means Fahrenheit,” Kelly said leaning towards me. “It’s like...maybe minus ten?”

“Dean,” Sam said. The cashiers were watching us now. “They’re Canadian, remember?”

“Yeah,” Kelly said. “This isn’t cold. I mean, it’s cold, but it’s not fuck my face cold.”

“Oh yeah,” I said. “Now that’s cold.” Both the boys stared at us in shock.

“Don’t worry, if we need to, I’m sure we can come back, right?” she grinned at him, “this is a relationship I could get used to.”

Dean turned away, grumbling under his breath as the cashier rang everything up. I would have felt bad if I hadn’t known they were using a credit card with a fake name. There was no plan to actually pay for any of this.

The cashier was flirting with Dean while giving us dismissive once overs. Everyone in the store had given us looks, though not as much as they would have in any other place. We were not the oddest thing in Walmart. Another woman came up to the cashier, smiling and looking over at Sam. I leaned over to Kelly.

“I think the environment’s getting a little hostile,” I tried to tease. It didn’t quite feel right but I was just trying to relieve some of the tension I felt.

Kelly rolled her eyes. “No kidding.” She made a face as one of the women laughed and I tried not to smile at it. Instead, I turned to Sam and handed him back the phone that I was still holding.

“Here.”

“Thanks,” he took it and quickly pocketed it. “You get used to it,” he said.

“Hmm?” I looked up at him, not entirely sure what he meant.

He motioned at Dean and the cashiers. “Them. It takes longer but he’s flirting and they haven’t noticed that they haven’t actually scanned everything they’re passing through.”

“Oh!” I had never even thought of that. Dean flirting with you would be a distraction. I turned to look and sure enough, the girl flirting back didn’t notice when one of the shirts she slid over the scanner didn’t scan. “Wow.”

“Yeah,” he said. “It usually works, though occasionally not well with certain old ladies.”

I snorted, then covered my mouth with my hand trying to hide my giggles. I could see Kelly looking at me confused but I could perfectly imagine Dean trying and failing to flirt with an old lady. It felt like forever since I had laughed. I stopped, realizing the truth in that. I definitely hadn’t laughed since I left the diner but before that…before that was rare too. Even before leaving my world, I didn’t laugh much after Kelly died.

The shower was heaven. I didn’t realize how filthy I was until I kept washing. I eventually had to force myself to stop. Scrubbing my skin raw wasn’t going to erase the memories that were burned into me.

I couldn’t sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, the demon was waiting for me. The memories of the blood and the bodies were there. I looked around the dark room that Bobby had offered up to us. Kelly had dragged me upstairs to force me to shower and catch up. She had passed out while I had showered. I didn’t want to leave her, but I couldn’t sleep. She was sprawled across the bed and facing away from me. I stared at her for a moment, watching her breathe. It was still real. She was still here.

I climbed over her carefully. Jane wasn’t in the room but there were sounds coming from the main floor. I went to the washroom to clean up before I headed down the stairs, trying to be as quiet as possible. It wasn’t that I wanted to hide my presence, but I hadn’t had much interaction with the men outside of the first meeting and shopping. I was far too aware that people generally said more than they intended to when they didn’t realize you could hear them.

It wasn’t anything more than “pass me that book”. I moved closer. I caught sight of the clock. It was just after two in the morning. It didn’t feel like we had been upstairs that long. I didn’t want to intrude on the men. I just...I couldn’t be in the dark anymore. Even if it was slightly better feeling someone sleeping next to me, it just brought me back to nights alone. I couldn’t stay in that room, but I didn’t really have anywhere to go. I wanted Kelly to wake up so I wasn’t alone.

“You gonna stand there all day or come in?” I looked up, startled at Bobby’s voice. I had made it to the doorway without realizing it.

“Yeah, sorry,” I said, quickly stepping into the room. “I just…” I trailed off, unsure of what to say.

“Keep moving,” Dean appeared behind me, beer in hand. He ushered me further into the room before walking around me. “We have some questions for you.”

“Questions?”

Dean sat down in a chair and looked up at me. All of them were sitting and looking at me. It was a little surreal and really unnerving. Anxiety started to creep up my spine.

Sam stood up. “Why don’t you sit down?” He moved a stack of books off of a chair before pushing the chair towards me.

“Thanks,” I said. I stayed standing. It felt like I was being ganged up on already and my body was gearing up, as if ready to run. “What questions?”

Dean leaned forward. “How old are you?”

“What’s that got to do with anything?” I asked, confused at the topic.

“Fact-checking,” he said.

I frowned. That didn’t make any sense. “Fact…” I looked at all of them, watching their expressions when it clicked. “Like a lie detector. You already know the answers, but you want to see if I’ll give the same ones.” I scoffed and shook my head.

“Answer the question.”

Anger welled up in me and I suddenly pictured taking up the book near him and hitting him with it, over and over, just to make him stop looking at me like that. Like I was something he needed to hunt. I shoved the intrusive thought out of my head and took a deep breath. I could work with this.

“Only if you answer mine,” I said. I waited as the brothers looked at each other before Dean nodded. “I’m twenty-seven. Where in the timeline are we?” They looked confused so I elaborated. “How long ago did you release Lucifer out of the cage?”

Sam shifted in his seat before answering quietly. “About four months ago.”

I nodded. The timeline was confusing. It didn’t match up with the show if Kelly was already into the next season. I remembered what Kelly said about how long I was gone. Time worked differently.

“How did you get into…this world?” Sam asked. I frowned at him. I told this story. This had to be more fact-checking. A good way to see if people were telling the truth was to ask them the same question at different times, see if they had the same answer.

“I walked,” I said. “I was job hunting, walking around and handing out resumes. Not a lot of work for someone who dropped out of a university master’s program. Least, nowhere I wanted to work. I walked out of a store and suddenly I was just on a dirt road. There was no sign of anything. I didn’t even realize the scenery was different until after I took that step. I looked back and there was just…more road.” I stared at the bookshelf, thinking back into the moment. I had panicked. I had screamed. I was just so confused.

“You didn’t feel anything?”

I jolted out of my thoughts, looking around the room as I remembered where I was. Sam was leaning forwards, his arms on his knees and a concerned look on his face.

I shook my head. “No. It was just one second in the city and the next somewhere I had never even seen before.” My throat tightened. The fear from that moment had never quite left. I tried to change the subject. “What happened after I...after Castiel knocked me out? Is there a plan?”

“You’re staying here,” Bobby said. “For now.” There was a slight threat lingering there but I didn’t pay any mind to it. That was understandable. I opened my mouth to thank him but he stopped me. “Don’t thank me just yet. We still don’t know why you’re here…or how to get you home.”

Home. I swallowed tightly and clenched my jaw. I took a deep breath. Gods, all I wanted was to go home. To tell my family I was alive and that I was okay. Sort of. I tried not to think about the fact that it might not be possible.

“What happened after that?”

I looked sharply at Dean. “I already told you that.”

“So tell it again,” he said.

“Dean…” Sam called out. Both of us ignored him.

“No,” I said. I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at him. “When you said you wanted to ask questions, I figured it was something about what I knew about you. Not the Spanish inquisition. I didn’t agree to be put on trial.”

“That’s not what’s happening here,” Sam said.

“Isn’t it?” I snapped, looking at him. “You waited until I was alone, most likely still sleep-deprived despite being put into a coma by an angel, and traumatized considering what you know I’ve been through so far so that you could force whatever truth you want out of me? Way to go. Points to you for trying to take advantage of what I’ve dealt with so far.” I gave a hard smile before turning to walk away. I had enough.

“Michelle,” Jane stood in the entranceway to the room. Her red curls were wild, looking as if she had been running through trees and had caught pieces of them in it. I had no idea how long she had been there or how much she heard. “You’re awake. I wish to speak with you.” I tried not to sigh. So did everyone it seemed.

“Wait your turn darling,” Dean said from behind me. “We’re not done.”

“The hell we aren’t,” I snapped.

Jane walked towards me and looked at the men. “I care not for your trivial words, man-child. I wish to speak with her and so I shall. Presently.” Jane took my wrist and pulled me out of the room. She let go once we were in the hallway but motioned for me to follow her. She led me out of the house. The air was crisp and I could almost see my breath. I went as far as the porch.

She stopped once she realized I was not following further. She sat down on the ground at the bottom of the stairs and motioned for me to join her. I sat on the top stair and waited. I didn’t know her. I had no idea what she wanted, but I was nervous. Again, I wished Kelly was with me.

“What did you want to speak about?” I finally asked.

“You were uncomfortable,” she leaned back on her hands. “No man should make a woman uncomfortable. If we were in my world, he would pay for the disservice.”

I stared at her for a moment. Woman solidarity transcended worlds. I had to admit, that was kind of cool. “Thanks.” She nodded in return and it was silent for a moment before I spoke again. “Why outside?”

Jane seemed to sigh. “This world is stifling. All these…machines and steel. You take no pride in what the Goddess gifts you and your world is lacking.” She looked up to the sky. “The stars will not even shine here.” I watched her for a moment. There was a look on her face that almost seemed sad and resigned. She looked back at me. “Despite this, I am more free outside, more connected to the earth than when I am within those walls.”

“Will you tell me about your world?” I asked.

She smiled and it seemed to lighten her entire face. She suddenly looked so much younger than I expected. “It is very different from this one. We do not have these barriers between ourselves and the earth, nor do we have the same machines. All are welcomed and cherished by the Goddess. Women are the leaders of our clans; we hunt and provide for our young ones and the ones who cannot care for themselves any longer….”

The sun rose as we spoke. Everything in Jane’s world sounded rather primitive compared to what I was used to…but also nice. You could hear how much she cared for her community, and it was a community. They took care of each other in their clans. A cooperative living environment. Something that would rarely happen in our society, and if it did, would be looked down upon by others. It sounded like I would have been much safer had I landed in her world instead of this one.

It also explained a lot about Jane. She was a leader in her clan, in line to become the head. A skilled hunter and fighter, often in the front lines of any skirmishes they had with other clans or animals. It made me wonder.

“What do you think of this? Of…being here?”

She didn’t hesitate before answering. “It is a trial from my Goddess and I will prove myself worthy of her.” She looked determined, and I was tempted to dig further, to know why she thought this was a test and if she thought we’d ever return. I just wanted someone to know and she seemed so confident that I would believe her. Or pretend I did.

My stomach growled suddenly and Jane looked at me sharply. She stood up quickly.

“You need sustenance. Go, find yourself food. If they deny you it, inform me. I do not trust these men and I shall deal with them if I must.”

“I’m sure it won’t come to that,” I said as I stood up. “Despite everything, they are good men. They’re just…stressed. Like all of us.” I gave her a small smile. “Thank you.” She nodded at me and I turned and walked inside.

I passed Sam in the hallway who was on the phone, heading towards the back door. I walked into the kitchen and stiffened. I forgot it was connected to the library. Dean was leaning into the fridge. He looked up when he heard me and straightened. I pressed my lips together as we both tried to figure out how to proceed. I took a deep breath and tried to let go of any residual anger that I felt from earlier. It wouldn’t do any good.

“Got anything light to eat?” I asked tentatively. An awkward peace offering if any.

“Uh, not really,” he looked back in the fridge. He looked up at me, confused. “Can’t you eat normal? Cas healed you.”

I hadn’t thought about that. “I don’t know. I...I haven’t eaten in days. Better safe than sorry,” I shrugged. The thought of eating felt strange after days of trying to scavenge.

He seemed to think about it, his head tilted as he nodded. “Soup?”

I sighed before nodding. “Sure. I’ll try it.”

“Cans are on the shelf next to the sink. Pots under it.” He motioned. He finally closed the fridge and poured himself a cup of coffee. It didn’t look fresh.

I opened the cupboards, looking at the cans of soup. Suddenly, the thought of making food exhausted me. I closed the cupboard and opened one after another until I found cups. I grabbed some water from the sink and leaned against the counter. I drank one cup and then another. I held back on drinking more. I knew better than to drink too quickly, I just wanted the hunger to subside.

“Not eating?” Dean was staring at me, taking a sip of his drink.

I shook my head before looking at him. “I’m tired. Can’t be bothered to make anything.”

Dean made a noise as if he agreed. “Sam’s grabbing food.”

I nodded, though it wasn’t likely it’d be anything I could eat, or wanted to. “I’ll make soup later.”

He didn’t say anything but didn’t leave either. It was awkward and I felt like I should say more. I could see Bobby in the library. Sam, I assumed, was gone. I had no idea if Jane was where I left her. I pushed away from the counter, put the glass in the sink and walked away.

taglist: @raith-way @arrthurpendragon @veetlegeuse @chickensarentcheap @nejires-hado @residentdormouse @endless-oc-creations @stanshollaand @wordspin-shares @chrissymunson

#fic: caught in the crossfire #fic update #fyeahspnocs #sam winchester x oc #dean winchester x oc #well dean x oc is the side pairing

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buttercupjosh · 11 months ago

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Rant: I gotta say being blocked on here because I don’t tag my posts according someone else’s preferences is so silly to me. I do tag my personal writing fics but not for my fic recs list to their standards. That makes me feel so deeply hurt because I don’t like the feeling of knowing that I’m blocked by someone (which I take being blocked very personally), especially by someone who’s content I’ve supported through some of my own reblogs in the past.

I don’t get why myself and probably other lots of people are caught in their crossfire when there’s a beautiful thing on this site called tag filtering AND YOU CAN FILTER OUT THE TAGS YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE ON HERE WITHOUT HAVING TO BE A PRICK (YES YOU) AND BLOCK PEOPLE OR EVEN BETTER, JUST SCROLL PAST THE STUFF YOU’RE NOT INTERESTED IN. HOW ON EARTH AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW YOUR TAG PREFERENCES? I FULLY UNDERSTAND THAT YOU CAN CURATE YOUR EXPERIENCE HOWEVER YOU WANT ON HERE BUT SOME OF Y’ALL ARE ACTING LIKE CLOWNS AND NEED TO BE FOR FREAKING REAL INSTEAD OF BLOCKING PEOPLE OVER THE SILLIEST AND DUMBEST THINGS. I CAN SEE BLOCKING SOMEONE BECAUSE THEY SAID SOMETHING YOU DIDN’T LIKE OR SUPPORT SOMETHING YOU DEEPLY DISLIKE OR IF THEY DIRECTLY HARASS YOU BUT OVER SOMETHING AS SIMPLE AS TAGS (TAGS THAT ARE NOT EVEN CONNECTED TO SMUT OR CERTAIN SENSITIVE TOPICS) IS SO, SO STUPID TO ME.

(The person I’m talking about isn’t going to unblock me anyways because I don’t fit into their strict definition of parameters/boundaries on this site so if they see this somehow, I apologize in advance for everything that I’m saying throughout this chaos post.

Just know that you really hurt my feelings very badly over something so, so small according to such an extremely petty definition of curating your feed to your expectations and it made me extremely upset and pushed me over the edge/off the rails a bit because I was worried that I did something wrong to you or posted something bad to warrant being blocked so that’s why I’m ranting so intensely about it (I also have anxiety and can get overwhelmed easily but I don’t take it out by blocking people either, I just step away from what’s making me feel that way). I also think that the way how you’re curating feed is a bit extreme and a bit unnecessary in a sense for Tumblr or any social media site (yeah, tons of people post content about stuff or players I don’t like or want to interact with on here but I’m not blocking them for just existing. I just ignore it and move on). Also, because you blocked me, too bad you can’t see that I’ve supported you through some of my reblogs and I never used any of your gifs on any of my fics or other posts before so you cannot claim that I’m a content stealer by any means to justify blocking me either. I obviously can’t block you back since you already did it to me first but you don’t understand how much it pains me to see your content that I like come up and I can’t interact with it. It’s also funny to me, that on Tumblr, content sharing is greatly encouraged and you’re purposely gatekeeping people from that (you know that you make content for a player who is a bit underrated on here now) by blocking them because they don’t fit your tag standards.

Another thing, just because you tell people not to take it personally because being blocked doesn’t bother you, that doesn’t mean I’m not going to take it personally. You obviously don’t truly care about how other people would feel about your actions that you say you do for your sanity (Tumblr is known for being chaotic and this is coming from someone who follows thousands of blogs on here). Remember, you hurt my feelings and possibly others first so I suggest not crying to your followers that hurt feelings are coming back to you in a way. This rant and criticism isn’t bullying either because if it was, I would be saying way worse things or encouraging others to be mean to you. If this post hurts you, it hurts you and I’m sorry for being this petty, I get it, I’m clearly emotional about it and I have rejection sensitivity issues but just remember that you’re actively hurting other people much more with your actions than a post that’s subtweeting/throwing shade at your gatekeeping behavior in the name of blog management.

#rants and rambles #screaming into the void

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alyjojo · 2 years ago

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Love Reading 🧿 - March 2023 - Cancer

Singles:

Overall energy: The Hermit

How you will meet: Knight of Cups rev

How they will treat you: Page of Pentacles

Long-term Potential: 4 Pentacles & 8 Wands

This has to be someone at work, because otherwise you’re in your own world not paying them any mind. They say nothing so I doubt you even know what’s up here. This person fantasizes about you constantly, in their head you are some amazing dream person that wakes up with perfect hair and birds singing kind of energy 🥹 They watch you like a hawk, and I don’t see any Devil here but it’s almost that level of obsessed with you, that vibe is here. Silent as the grave though. They treat you as a friend, or coworker probably, the cashier at the sandwich shop…or bakery with the cake message idk, they’re thoughtful and practical in how they interact with you because they are terrified to mess this up. They search you for answers, whether you like them, whether you’re single or even know they exist…I’m getting the answer is not really, not any more than them literally just existing. Very casual connection.

Long term potential is them still not saying a dang word, and they try not to think of you, they resist you with everything they’ve got because thinking of you is a burden on them and they get stressed. They don’t want to be rejected, clearly, but also they don’t want to bother you or have you see them as a burden. They’ll just keep holding back forever, it’s fine, they’re fine. You could definitely be dealing with a Virgo/Pisces with that energy. With their messages it’s constantly on and off, they’re talking themselves out of liking you.

Messages -

Their side:

- Not Ready …yet

- Not even TEMPTED 🙅🏿‍♀️

Your side:

- STATUS 💰

- I want to have my cake & eat it too.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Virgo, Cancer, Pisces, Gemini & Sagittarius

Couples:

Overall energy: Justice

Current: 9 Swords rev

Challenge: Ace of Swords

Potential: Page of Cups rev

You two could be going through something legal, and if so you’re not getting the best outcome, but you are glad that it’s finally over with. If not legal than there is a final decision of some kind being made about a very difficult situation that’s stressed you both out. I do get some major government, business, law establishment of some kind, this can be police or any number of “official” issues. It may also be related to someone you both know that isn’t either of you, though your messages have you bickering and in a tit-for-tat energy, it’s probably one of you. There has been a lot of heavy stress regarding your family and The Emperor, whether that’s your father, you, a boss, or any level of government. The police fit here too. The challenge here is truth or communication & clarity, probably regarding drugs, addictions, unhealthy behaviors or habits. Assuming it’s one of you, that person has had ENOUGH, and enough is enough, every card of a final decision being made, and they don’t care who or what gets cut off in the crossfire either. The potential is silence in response to whatever is being said. One person is through with the bs, the other is stubbornly pouting because they’re not happy with whatever is being said or done. There could be some level of an intervention staged, could even involve a whole family if that’s the main story here. Some of you are officially splitting up & there’s no fixing this. Others of you are dealing with some outside family member most likely. Still others are staying together but you’re in the midst of conflict and currently ignoring each other until some level of actual change occurs regarding this.

Messages -

Their side:

- Homebody

- I can see RIGHT through you.

Your side:

- Pet Lover 🐓

- You hurt me first.

Oracles -

Their side:

Helping others and getting outside yourself can be the most powerful method of soul cleansing.

Never allow bigotry of sex, race, religion, creed or politics to enter your life.

Your side: Sometimes a smile or a kind word can be stronger than any medicine.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Capricorn, Pisces & Cancer

#cancer tarot reading #march 2023 #love reading #singles #couples #cancer #tarot

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starry-blue-echoes · 2 years ago

Text

Okay that kinda gave me a thought

so Kira seems to like cats, right?

What if during the Centipede Shoes fight, Jotaro still gets taken out, but much later than canon because he doesn't have to take a hit directed at Koichi and specifically after he calls Josuke and Okuyasu. Then he gets a tad exploded, knocked the fuck out, Koichi gets a bit hurt and then good ol Kira shows up

But as has been made very obvious, Koichi isn’t a person this time. Koichi is just a Little Guy™ and Kira would have no reason to see him as an enemy, especially if Koichi didn’t have Echoes out right now

And what if in all the chaos…… Koichi’s collar ended up getting ripped off

So Kira takes one look at this tiny, collarless, badly injured and filthy cat and assumes it was just a stray who got caught in the crossfire and decides to adopt him, or at the very least take care of him until his injuries heal. There’s a bit of a hiccup when his identity nearly gets found out, but no biggie, he can just threaten the local Stand Beautician into changing his identity and then kill her ✨

So now…….. Koichi’s stuck. Kira is a surprisingly good and caring cat owner and pulls out all the stops, including refusing to let him outside, and Koichi is genuinely scared about what would happen should he reveal the fact he’s a Stand User. Plus, it doesn’t help that he’s healing from some pretty severe injuries and has difficulties moving around. It takes days before he’s able to walk again, and even then it’s with a limp

And of course, Shinobu is COMPLETELY on board with this. Seeing her husband return from work not only much more different than before but with a small kitty he wants to help? She is head over heels and more than happy to help

There is definitely some amount of rivalry between the two cats. On Koichi’s side it’s because Stray is just completely chill with all the murdering Kira does, and on Stray’s side it’s because of all the extra attention Kira gives Koichi. Kira has had to separate these two on NUMEROUS occasions, which eventually leads to him deciding to keep Stray in the attic to protect the presumably Defenseless Normal Not-A-Stand User Cat

I do think when Hayato starts poking around Koichi ends up revealing himself to him, if only to try and get another ally

and then of course, on the other side of things everyone high key thinks Kira killed Koichi because when they find his collar there’s blood on it which is just another tally to put on the shit list because What Kind Of Asshole Kills A Cat You Sick Fuck. And as far as Koichi’s family is aware, he died in the “gas explosion” that happened, so they don’t put up any Missing posters

thankfully they’re all very happily surprised a few weeks later when things gets solved and Koichi manages to escape :D

Once again looking through my DMs and I found an AU I COMPLETELY forgot about

AU where everything’s the same except Koichi’s a cat

that’s it

He’s the Hirose’s cat, and gets along surprisingly well with Police. He also keeps managing to find his way outside, and when he gets shot with the arrow the Stand acquisition gives him a couple more thoughts to have in that little head of his

he uses Echoes to get around faster, riding on Act 1 and 2’s backs and then just having Act 3 hold him(maybe Act 3 could talk for him?). He’ll also sneak into Josuke and Okuyasu’s bags sometimes because it’s comfy and he likes it

He’s still Rohan’s favorite, but his interest in Koichi is cranked WAY up because being a non human Stand User, any knowledge inside him is COMPLETELY fresh and new

and yes, this does mean Jotaro sent a cat to Italy

#this au is just. So silly and I love it <3 #cat koichi #jjba #jojo’s bizarre adventure #diamond is unbreakable #diamond is unbreakable spoilers #jjba part 4 #jjba koichi #koichi hirose #jjba kira #kira yoshikage #jjba shinobu #shinobu kawajiri #jjba hayato #hayato kawajiri #jjba jotaro #jotaro kujo #stray cat #glassesfreekjr

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m1d-45 · 2 years ago

Text

opportunity arisen

-> warnings: minor spoilers for the first sumeru archon quest(like very minor, mostly names and titles of things), set during the imposter au, you’re technically on the run

-> lowercase intended!

part 2 >>

if tighnari hears that the akademiya is looking for somebody with an uncanny resemblance to his god, he’s immediately asking the rangers bring them immediately to him and not to alert any other authority.

who knows what the akademiya is up to? knowing them and all the messes they’re involved with, it’s clear there has to be something going on behind the scenes. he’s not about to let an innocent get caught in the crossfire. he already has a plan for if a ranger brings you in: where you’ll stay, how he’ll act if a sage comes by, what he’ll do if the akademiya tries to search the village.

but if he finds you?

he’s checking the lampposts on the road to gandharva ville when he hears you off the side of the main road. he hears you, in what sounds like distress, rushing to draw his weapon- but no, now that he’s closer.. that’s definitely laughter.

tighnari lessens the tension on his bowstring, but still keeps the arrow nocked as he approaches. ferns part to allow him through, and he startles at the sight of you. sun streams down through the leaves, illuminating a group of fungi around you. his fingers falter on the string in shock, “hello?”

you turn, fear immediately coloring your face. you try to stand- only to stumble, tripping over your own feet, and he ditches his weapon to step forward around the fungi and catch you with a gloved hand on your shoulder.

“what’s wrong? did you pack enough water? did you eat an amanita mushroom?” his head is already running the familiar track of common cures for poisonous mushrooms, planning the shortest and safest route through the forest back to gandharva ville. “here, come with me, i’ll-“

you jerk away and he nearly falls trying to keep you upright, finally noticing the fear in your eyes. dirt streaks your skin and the mask you wear is ragged and torn, alongside the rest of your clothes. you’re a mess, ragged around the edges, and he feels like the forest air dropped a few degrees.

“d- i don’t- please, i don’t mean any harm i swear!”

two options flash through his mind.

one: you’re lying. you’re a threat running from the law, hoping to persuade him into giving you his resources. evidence is a bit scant, but it’s a possibility he has to consider.

or two: you’ve been wrongfully accused of something, a victim of the—admittedly quite biased—justice system in sumeru city. evidence consists entirely of your behavior: he’s not sure anybody could emulate the panic in your eyes quite that well.

either way, you’re hurt.

either way, he needs to do something.

“hey, you’re okay. i’m not gonna hurt you, and i’m not accusing you of anything.” his eyes flick over your form, checking for anything that could keep you from walking; you’re leaning heavily on your left foot, it seems, the right almost hovering above the ground with how little weight is on it. “but you’re hurt, and you’re not going to get far from whatever you’re running from-“ you flinch “-with a hurt leg, alright?”

you don’t want to agree, that much is obvious. your eyes shift away from him, you lean away subtly even as he’s fairly certain he’s the only thing keeping you standing. the fungi crowd you, almost forming a shield between you and him, and he wonders how long you’ve been out here that you manage to befriend actual fungi.

“all… alright. …thank you.”

the careful and hesitant speech reminded him of collei, somewhat, when she’d first arrived. the conparison makes his heart hurt.

he slings your right arm over his shoulder and keeps it there with one of his, the other moving around your waist to hold you against him. warmth floods into his skin where you make contact… are you perhaps running a fever? it had been raining more frequently recently, and considering the state of your clothes..

as you walk, he does his best to keep an eye out for any tall roots or protruding rocks on your path, but it’s like they don’t exist. whenever he sees one that looks worrisome and considers steering you away, it seems to shrink as he gets closer. any bugs or insects fluttering around also seemed to vanish as soon as you get close, mosquitos surprisingly nowhere to be found.

he wonders if it’s a result of his vision, but quickly dismissed it. he always sees bugs around, even with his best repellents.. do you have a vision, he wonders? he didn’t see one on your person, but given the value of such an object, it makes sense you would keep it hidden when on the run.

he wonders what you’re running from.

he hopes you’ll tell him.

when you arrive at gandharva ville he feels you tense, your arm tightening slightly around his neck, and he makes a note of it. thankfully, collei wasn’t on her bed—her eleazar had been growing awful these past few weeks, putting her under his care more frequently than he would have preferred—so the medicinal room was empty.

he guides you to sit on the bed, mentally tallying up everything he has to do as he collects medicinal supplies from around the room.

he doubts you’ve had a good meal for a while, and the rivers in sumeru arent as clean as they look all the time. mushroom spores or some from a fungi can quickly contaminate a water source, so food and water are an immediate need.

also, find out what you had eaten prior, if anything. mushrooms were serious business, and if your symptoms were caused by one of those instead of malnutrition, that would need to be addressed swiftly.

he pulls over a chair with his free hand and dumps the supplies on the nightstand, reaching for your injured foot and pulling it into his lap. “so, what are you running from?”

you tense, then start to scramble for a response. your eyes search your lap like it holds the answer, lining up what he assumes is, at best, a half-truth in your mind. he can easily assume you don’t want to talk about it, and carefully sets about treating your ankle while he waits.

“the sages,” you finally say. “they… think i did something i didn’t.”

he can see the need to clarify, to rush and reassure him that you didn’t, and he feels it as an ache in his chest. he’s watching the way you curl in on yourself at the question, gripping the sheets tightly and looking away. clearly, this is a sore subject, and he understands as he digests your response.

the sages?

the akademiya did this to you?

his ears flick in irritation, though he’s careful not to squeeze your ankle too tight. it’s definitely sprained, and he doesn’t want to make it worse. every little detail on you stands out more, from the dirty bandages around your arm to the ripped clothes, torn in such a way that was too precise for any thorn.

he hasn’t said anything. he thinks your shoulders have risen even higher.

“i’m not going to turn you in, if that’s what youre worried about.” your grip on the blankets loosens. “for monitoring the akasha all the time, they can be quite.. dense.”

a flicker of a smile crosses your face, but it fades fast. he watches emotion after emotion cross, slowly twisting your features further into sadness. he waits for a few moments for you to say whatever is on your mind, giving you time to collect your thoughts, but nothing comes.

he finally decides to break the silence, folding his hands over the finished bandage. “what is it?”

your eyes meet his. “you.. you’re helping me.”

your voice is rough around the edges, dry and hoarse, and he makes a mental note to give you some medicine for what has to be a sore throat. despite being in a rainforest, there aren’t that many clean sources of water.

“i am.”

“you’ll get in trouble with the sages.”

he barks a laugh, surprised. “oh, don’t worry about that. i’m far too important to the akademiya for them to discipline me with any level of permanence, and nobody here is going to rat you out either. besides, who’s to say they’ll even look here for you?”

there’s an implication to his words that you don’t quite catch, and he sets your leg back on the floor.

“don’t worry about it, alright? at least for now.”

when he asks you to take off your scrap of a shirt, you barely hesitate.

after treating the numerous wounds across your person—he does his best to keep a neutral expression, but you can see the disdain on his face as clear as day—he gives you clothes from another forest ranger. they’re a little small, something he apologizes for, but you don’t mind. you’re in a bed, with clean clothes, even if you yourself aren’t. a week- a month ago, even, this would just be a fever dream. he lets you rest, bringing cold water—a blessing with the humidity of the forest—and a soup. though you don’t particularly like it, the inescapable bitterness of medicine ruining whatever he put in, it’s warm and so much better than zaytun peaches that you drink all of it.

when he stands, you half-expect him to start questioning you on the specifics, but all he does is take the empty bowl and spoon from you to set it elsewhere before sitting right back down at your bedside.

“thanks.”

“not a problem at-.. all…” he frowns, and you wonder for a moment if you did something wrong. “i don’t think i’ve ever properly introduced myself.”

it’s such a non-issue a laugh bubbles out of you, sounding more like a cough. “n-no need, i already know you.”

“oh?” too late, you catch your words. whoops. “well, then consider it a formality.” his hand extends, and he smiles when your shake it. “i’m tighnari, forest watcher of the avidya forest. what’s your name?”

you hesitate before answering. he has a feeling it’s a fake name, but repeats it anyway.

“it’s my pleasure to make your acquaintance. i hope that i can be of help to you during your stay here, and i promise that i will do everything i can to ensure your safety.”

you smile.

#genshin #genshin impact #genshin sagau #sagau #tighnari #sagau tighnari #tighnari x reader #sagau impostor au #self aware genshin

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exilethegame · 3 years ago

Note

That anon was reading your notes huh. Anyways, since I'm here, can the MC go berserk but in a cool/okay way? Like, they're extremely pissed, but only the bad people should be scared. I just love moments like that. It's cathartic

What do you mean I have issues? You have issues!

I actually want to use this ask to sort of address my plans for The Commander in general revolving around the evil route, death, and the MC's behavior if that’s alright!

The first thing I want to say is The Exile will not romanticize anger, rage, sadness, etc. These emotions are all justified, and I don't want to villanize them, but these emotions taken to an extreme can lead people to doing horrible, awful things that feel great in the moment but leave them feeling dirty and horrible afterwards. And the thing with anger is you're chasing a temporary high that leaves permanent scars and consequences.

The story isn’t really meant to be cathartic, as in, it’s not a “release your rage and angst” simulator. It’s meant to be, on my end I suppose, a sort of exploration of humanity and morals. As a writer, it’s about trying to capture a tiny little piece of the real world and its complications into a book. Unfair things happen to The Commander not to set up a big “revenge” moment for the MC, but rather to present you, the reader, with the question of, “what are you going to do now?”

So yes, there will be moments in The Exile where a sense of justice can be instilled and things will end neatly, but it's important to remember that killing is killing. Someone might deserve to die in your eyes (I'm not here to argue the morality of that), but it's important to remember that "bad people" are not isolated variables that you can just remove from the equation. They have relationships, they are connected to people and organizations, they can be depended upon by others. When they are killed, that entire person is gone. This can have no consequences at all if that person truly was a loner who no one liked. But in other cases, killing one character can very much have a butterfly affect.

And the thing with rage, I feel the need to point out as well, is that it is not a neat emotion. It can have a source, for example, maybe this rage is aimed at a "bad person," but the things we do to take that anger out on this source more times that not leaves people caught in the crossfire.

Once again I'm driven back to the core idea that I want to explore morality in The Exile. You can be "evil," but you will be evil. You can try to only kill people who are deserving of it, but you will almost definitely accidentally harm someone who you didn’t actually mean to harm. And who knows? Maybe you'll get lucky-- maybe you'll actually be able to keep your anger in check and only unleash it upon those who deserve it.

I guess... when it comes to my writing I always try to emphasize emotions. I want the reader to feel the anger and sadness that The Commander does. In a way, I’m purposely trying to get the reader to make irrational, anger fueled decisions because it’s realistically what a person in The Commander’s position would do. But, as such, the consequences will also be realistic.

That’s not to say being a pacifist is any better. Maybe, if you don’t kill a character, they’ll come back later on and hurt even more people. Maybe they’ll hurt someone you care about. Maybe, it would’ve been better to kill that person when you had the change regardless of who else would’ve been harmed.

Maybe.

There is no right or wrong in The Exile. Just a lot of choices where you don’t have all the information and are forced to rely on your instinct and emotions to make the right choice. And what’s right to you might not be right to someone else. And maybe you’ll make a mistake, but most of the time mistakes can be forgiven or even rectified.

It’s just real life, except in this version, you actually have the chance to go back in time and see what would’ve happened if you had done things differently.

#answered #pheo talks #i am not trying to sound like #'as a ~*writer*~'#in a pish posh way #but in a #'I genuinely love to write and have a lot of feelings on what I'd love to accomplish as a writer in The Exile' way #man sometimes i wish i could just write a lil lighthearted funky story but nahh

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shijiujun · 4 years ago

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on the danmei twitter fight

okay guys i didn’t wanna say anything about this and yes it’s that hot danmei twitter translations saga thing that’s going on, because honestly i feel like there’s nothing much to say but when i see dumb posts on tumblr taking about that, by people who present a misleading hot take and their friends or moots run off with it without even knowing what exactly is going on - it really pisses me off.

and also if you shit talk translators for not continuing their translations or locking their translations whatever - the door is that way on your right and left, but anyway here’s a rundown on what happened because i am seeing people make comments without two brain cells put together, without the slightest bit of consideration for the people who bring them translations

here’s my hot take and thesis: if you enjoy english translations made by fan translators, you don’t, in any way, no matter happens, shit talk fan translators. fan translators do this for free, and whatever their intentions are, whether genuine sharing or like some of you like to say, for clout, if you consume, and you enjoy these translations, i’m sorry, you’re not uninvolved, and you don’t get to sit on a high horse and say translators should or shouldn’t do something. you should just keep quiet, honestly, because someone else is doing you a favour, a favour that you are enjoying and taking. that’s what respect is.

i’m presenting both sides or i guess three sides of the story as objectively as i can, altho my support is still for fan translators who were just minding their own business before this blew up.

===

🔺 what happened:

so it started because one of the bigger translators in the fandom did this poll - i’m not blaming her at all, i doubt she had any intentions of shaming anyone or causing any controversy and was plain curious, but her poll asked english speaking danmei twitter how many people buy the digital, print copies of the danmei they read, and who did not.

in my honest opinion, it’s not strange at all for her to have created that poll, considering just how much work she’s put into making sure things are accessible for the eng-speaking danmei fandom. i mean i’d be curious too, to know out of my thousands of readers, what the reading and buying behaviour is like. do yourself a favour and don’t read too much into it.

obviously in an era where a lot of people do consume content for free whether the underlying content is profit-making (like anime, donghua, manhua, manga etc.) or not (fanfiction etc.), it was unsurprising to see that the last option - the ones who consume danmei without paying a single cent, came out as the majority. i don’t think this is a surprising result at all, for all sorts of reasons that i will not get into now.

anyway, this is obviously kind of a sore point in the fandom especially for translators who want a wider audience to support their fave author’s works - i won’t get into that for now, but the issue began because other translators or fans started to criticize the majority of people who don’t pay for objectively rather affordable danmei and just consume things for free.

and yes, i don’t deny that the argument on both sides got really heated and emotionally charged with both sides calling each other names which i believe is uncalled for, but it totally derailed the crux of the issue, which basically is that the majority of english-speaking danmei fandom - consumes danmei for free.

anyway this whole thing escalated and fan translators were brought into this for no fucking reason at all except that the people who didn’t want, or were unable to pay for the danmei they usually consume, made what i call a LOGICAL FALLACY in argument by going to the extremes, i will explain why later.

the end result is that fan translators were brought into this (most of them, the bigger ones i know at least) without even participating in the direct crossfire. and obviously, you can see why they’re hurt and decided to lock their translations. let me explain why

===

🔺 kind of like four camps:

(1) translators and fans who criticized those who consume danmei liberally but do not pay for them in any way - no merch, no digital copies, no physical copies, no audio dramas whatever

*** their arguments:

danmei is so cheap right, that technically people should be able to pay for it in one way or another, even if not all

danmei and its authors are, at the end of the day, out here to earn a living, and the industry, like any money-making industry, is a for-profit enterprise - and unlike public goods, if you cannot afford danmei, then there is no obligation for others to make it free for you (fan translators or otherwise, it wasn’t super clearly stated while this shitshow happened) when it is inherently a for-profit industry

yes, i don’t deny that some of them did call the peeps who don’t pay at all, “leeches” and other sort of names. personally, i wouldn’t go that far or even like venture there to be honest because in general, if it’s something that i’ll get punched in the face for if i called someone that in real life i tend not to do it, but i’ll leave my opinions, whatever they’re worth, for later

(2) the readers and fans of danmei who do not pay in any sort of way for them

*** their arguments:

some of them really cannot afford, even the dollar or more, to spend on danmei for several reasons: upbringing, culture, money-spending mindsets, real poverty, struggling to make ends meet etc. - some definitely more valid than others (and when i say not valid, it’s because SOME, a minority or like those few stragglers, say they cannot afford and then you see them like idk, throwing $50 on other merch on kpop and stuff - i’m just bringing up ONE example. not shaming anyone for spending more money on one aspect rather than the other, but yeah you can see why some of them, when making this same argument, are a little invalid, that’s just a small number of them tho)

if translators are blaming them for consuming free of charge, then the fault lies, at its foundation, fan translators who translate illegally, which i mean, in that definition, all of them including me

did i mention that we were called illegal translators like you know in response to being called leeches? anyway-

(3) others translators who literally were just minding their own fucking business before some smart alec dragged them into it

i don’t think most of us had an argument. we were just quietly munching on popcorn and staying out of it and yeah, can you imagine, we provide a service, however illegal it is, for free on our own time, we don’t even check whether people support legally or not, we just... provide, and pray that those who are able to, at least support in some small way or another do so, on their own time. i mean i don’t check, most of us don’t, not the bouncers at your local club before COVID happened do, and then suddenly, to be used to derail an argument, we were called illegal translators. and that we should stop translating, and that it is our fault that there are free riders in the fandom

(4) people who offered to provide JJWXC credits to those who said they couldn’t afford it etc.

honestly i think they were just trying to help - no different than a gofundme. there’s no shame in taking a free thing that people already weren’t intending to pay for. it’s there, just take it!

===

🔺 the shitshow that led to fan translators locking their stuff up:

i would provide some actual examples in the form of screenshots but i’ve blocked most of them, and i don’t want to direct any sort of traffic to them so i guess you’ll have to take my word on it or go search on twitter yourself but-

(1) the affordability issue: i can understand the frustration at being called leeches, and some if not a majority of people, do have valid reasons for not being able to afford something or anything and end up pirating content they enjoy. hey, i am not about to crucify anyone for pirating at some point in their lives. we all have done it at some point, or for example hate disney+ and that $30 they were trying to rip off us for a subpar Mulan live action. i don’t have anything to say about that. inherently, is it wrong and illegal? yeah sure of course it is. do we call people leeches? i wouldn’t go that far.

if anyone cannot afford, cannot access for whatever reason, fine, i’m not gonna go check if jjwxc truly is banned in your country, or is your postal service so terrible that you definitely won’t be able to receive a hard copy of the book you like at affordable rates.

and if you have to pirate? go ahead. i mean it’s always been a rampant thing. the only thing fan translators and fans can do is encourage, motivate and incentivise as much as possible to get people to support legally. they can only put up REALLY COMPREHENSIVE guides as to how to access jjwxc or taobao or whatever.

and if you still cannot afford it and pirate, honestly no one cares about the story behind it. you owe no one justification, just as how no other person is obligated to take it into consideration or understand you or empathize with you. i don’t say this in a malicious way - i do think that in general, you just do you.

(2) the poor people don’t deserve nice things argument: honestly, this was not the point of this entire debacle, altho yes, people were rude to those who could not afford to support legally. but this is not the point of this whole thing.

main point - there are free riders who can support but choose not to because they choose to just consume it for free and if you are able to you should support

everyone going off on a tangent - you guys hate poor people / you guys are leeches

well guess what, no one wins in this argument.

there were a lot of people saying “reading danmei is our only source of happiness, are you saying poor people who can’t access legally don’t deserve to read danmei” (this is just one example i’ve seen, there are other variations), and it wasn’t put across perhaps in the right way, but the other camp of people were saying “you’re not entitled to it for free if you cannot afford it”, which raised a lot of hackles and anti-poor yellings

altho i do not deny that there are those who mean it maliciously, i think what everyone is trying to say is - the danmei industry, like any other profit-making industry, is looking to make profits. the people working in the industry, the authors even, are looking at numbers - traffic to jjwxc or other legal platforms, how much revenue they’re making from their live actions etc., comments, rankings, etc. i think @/hunxi-after-hours made a really succinct post on this aspect which yall should read.

it’s the same as - if you wanted to purchase a standee which costs $20 USD, but you cannot afford it = you don’t get it. there’s no way you can get this standee unless some gifts it to you for free. what the camp trying to ask people to support legally is saying, is that danmei is NOT A PUBLIC GOOD. it is a private, for-profit product. it might be intangible, but it is a PRODUCT that has a price that needs to be paid.

if you cannot afford it, you either don’t get access entirely (i’m saying this objectively and honestly from an economic standpoint). if someone gifts that standee to you for free, count yourself lucky - if someone makes a danmei accessible to you for free, COUNT YOURSELF LUCKY. you don’t have to be grateful and treat them as gods or like obey their every word, but it’s not rocket science. someone did you a favour that you accepted and consumed, show some respect.

if you cannot afford to buy the standee - you do not go on twitter demanding that someone ensures that you have access to the standee for free. do you see how ridiculous this sounds once it’s a tangible product? and danmei novels ARE PRODUCTS. they are not FREE CONTENT. if someone cannot afford the standee, this is the equivalent of people going “we didn’t get the standee for free because poor people don’t deserve nice things”

totally missing the point. i don’t even know how it got to this. once again, i do admit that some users were unnecessarily mean, but going to the extreme of this is ridiculous. in argumentative essay writing we call this a logical fallacy:

e.g. “if you cannot pay for merchandise or danmei, it is a fact that you might not have access to it” morphing into “if we cannot pay for food, does this mean we cannot have access to it?!” - this is a slippery slope, and factors are not equivalent!!!! do they not teach people anything in school

don’t confuse fanfiction with danmei - danmei novels ARE PAID PRODUCTS unless for free chapters, just because it’s released online doesn’t mean it’s free public property, and also selected novels (did you guys know the WHOLE of SCI novel is free? about 500 chapters sorry, random, just a tidbit)

there are of course nuances right, like if anyone told me they were pirating disney+ content i’d be like yeah hey get one over those bloodsuckers, they take enough of our money and produce shit content anyway. the difference is that danmei authors, and the danmei industry itself can still be considered a nascent and not-yet matured industry, with a majority of authors if not all, depending on monetary flow, likes, comments, virality on the sites their content is hosted on, for a living, unlike hugeass MNCs trying to squeeze us dry for content that isn’t even interesting.

danmei is priced rather reasonably - and this brings me to another argument that was made, that the value of money is not the same for everyone. i don’t want to make comments on this because yes this is correct to a large extent. a $6 book might be cheap to most of us, but might be expensive to someone else. i’m not gonna comment on how cheap or whatever it is, if you gotta use your money for other things, definitely! i still maintain however, that a novel less than a dollar should be affordable to most people, a majority of people. and i definitely side eye some users who obviously have money but are just creating noise because they wanna continue free-riding

(4) the “they’re losing out on their international audience” argument: honestly, i feel like english-speaking danmei fandom gives themselves a bit too much credit. danmei has long thrived in china in its domestic market - sure the international audience is a plus to have and i’m sure the authors are grateful and flattered that people who don’t understand chinese love their content and love it a lot, but do they and their companies care about fans who basically don’t bring in money? i’m not sure (okay i’ll get to the fan translators doing illegal shit later okay i got it don’t be impatient)

and international fans are great, i don’t deny that - but when i see arguments like “oh but it’s their loss if they don’t cater or deny access to us, they get more popularity and sharing overseas”, i honestly think they don’t care as much as you think. once again, hunxi made a really good argument regarding non-sinophone audiences, but it really irks me, because this is the same as:

an instagram influencer saying they’ll give a restaurant exposure for free to their followers, if they get a free meal

it’s par for par - danmei authors wants earnings, popularity, tangible results that show that they are succeeding. this is life. if i put something out there for sale, i better be getting returns, simple economic logic. they probably don’t care that a non-paying reader is bringing them greater ‘exposure’ - once again, i mean this objectively.

and yes if they’re thriving without the international market then why should it matter that people are pirating right? which brings me to the next point~

(5) it’s fan translators faults for so many people pirating, and fan translators are the ones doing the “illegal” work: this one is like... wow where do i unpack this and how-

firstly, we are talking about assholes who can pay but decide to free ride and not pay for danmei, and we assume that if you really cannot afford and have to pirate, no one’s saying anything as long as you don’t go around spreading how to pirate, how the hell did it get to fan translators from “you guys are anti-poor” and whatever

yes, fan translations are indeed illegal, i don’t deny that, and i also don’t deny that there are translators who translate for clout and popularity but putting these aside - here’s what i have seen from people who ran their mouths and made this argument

“if you guys care about us pirating the book so much than fan translators shouldn’t have translated in the first place” and “if you wanna come after us for reading illegally, then fan translators, you guys should go get the copyright for the book and then translate it cuz what you guys are doing is also illegal”

hooooo i’m telling ya, i am all for translators locking up their translations at this point. see how fucking hurtful that is? you eat from my hand and then now you biting at the hand that fed you the gays in love?

honestly if you’ve made this argument or supported this, you can basically go to hell. yes this is personal because what, you think fan translators don’t take out their personal time and effort and hard work to make translations accessible to you? if you’re ever consumed and read translations, don’t be a hypocrite and make this argument. you benefitted from it, now you wanna say it’s their fault?

most translators want to share and spread the love they have for a novel right, want to show you how wonderful all these authors are, how much enjoyment u get from reading these wonderfully thought out stories of gays in love. yes we all know we are illegally translating, which is why on top of sharing we first, purchase the novels legally ourselves first, and then we try to encourage people to buy etc. and actually put their money to use. it doesn’t make it any less illegal, but we are bridging the gap between danmei and basically the english-speaking fandom, albeit illegally

we aren’t that self-important to ask for gratefulness but some respect would be nice. like i said, you read it, you consumed it, you enjoyed it, you can only access it because of illegal translators - a bit counter-intuitive to yell at these translators, who are simply telling you, if you can, please support. and none of us went “if you cannot afford, begone!”

===

🔺 some people tried to help by offering jjwxc credits so people who cannot afford as they say, can get legal access: honestly, just take it right, guess what some of these users did in response

they said the people giving away credits are trying to redeem themselves for their comments by giving away free stuff

they also said that we are trying to shame the people who cannot afford it with this handout to them, to show that they are the bigger person - the fact that they think this is a handout to them is TELLING. the people offering this is giving their money not to these readers, but to the authors! that’s the point of this exercise!!!

one of them even said “instead of trying to do these giveaways, here, there are greater world problems out there, donate instead to these causes” - love the initiative, but how did we get from being able to afford danmei and entertainment content to saving the world? i just- i cannot

===

🔺 so why i get why fan translators are locking up their translations, because wow, so hurtful:

you have no idea how many fucking assholes went “sure, lock up your translations, deal with the consequences” - ermmmm firstly, thanks for making a threat. like who the fuck do you think you are?

the consequences is... the authors still don’t get the money these free riders weren’t going to give them anyway, so no loss, and they weren’t reading on jjwxc anyway so you know, the authors don’t lose or gain any readership numbers or traffic they didn’t already have. instead, it WILL push and force people to pay for the PRODUCT. once again, it’s a product.

this works, and i’d say Word of Honor’s payment model worked marvellously for Youku, because they fucking forced everyone to pay to access content. ALL OF THEM. sure ok some people still pirated it, but how many MORE people paid on Youku, on Youku Youtube, watched on Viki etc. than if they didn’t? even english-speaking fandom were wracking their brains trying to purchase a Youku pass even if there were no subs initially - and other examples that lovely hunxi brought up in her amazing piece

and for translators?! honestly me for one, i’m glad i don’t feel pressured anymore to churn out a chapter every week since we get called names etc. most of us are glad to have a break to be honest. we’ve lost all motivation to translate because it’s a free service, at the very least we don’t expect like hate, or rudeass fuckers. for those who are doing a proof of purchase thing - go for it honestly!

hopefully it’ll minimize the free rider problem - some people for whatever reasons really cannot buy or support legally, that’s totally cool and they don’t have to justify it, i get that. but for others making the same argument but obviously are just unwilling to pay because they can’t read chinese, think it’s too troublesome when there are guides and translators provide it for free anyway so what’s the point - we all make concessions and make decisions to grab what we like (not talking about the ppl who have their various troubles and difficulties!)

===

🔺 and those who are saying why is it the ‘rest of us suffer’ from locked translations just because of a few bad apples:

IT ISN’T ABOUT YOU. where the hell were all of ya when we were getting called illegal huh? it’s about us fan translators getting shot at for no reason, and then people still demanding things for free. i don’t see any of the people i’ve seen on tumblr complain about fan translators stopping or locking translations defend any of us in any way. instead, you’re complaining.

it is the translator’s prerogative to start, stop and end translations, unless of course the original author starts to sue i suppose. i see people on tumblr going like if they were gonna do this, they shouldn’t have started in the first place etc. - i don’t what world you live in, but when i do something for free, then get called names and am attacked or get dictated on how i should do something that’s already like free, i tend to be less generous.

i’m sorry, do us illegal and free translators owe ANY OF YOU? i wasn’t aware any of us were being paid for this hobby. readers, especially those who CAN and just refuse to support, don’t get to say SHIT. translators deal with so much shit and so many entitled readers, i say they get to lock whatever they want as long as they aren’t profiting off of this monetarily.

let me give you an example - nan chan, which is translated by lian yin, completed translations by the way for all chapters. it is all free for viewing, and she only locked up one extra and asked for proof of payment. some dumbfuck quotes that locked up extra chapter tweet and said “honestly, this turned me off reading this novel because they restricted access”.

the. fucking. entitlement. the whole of nan chan is free, that’s like what more than 80 chapters. she locked up the EXTRA and the money goes to the author, she doesn’t earn anything. AND HERE THAT BIJ is (yes, i’m going to call them names because you know, fucking asshole who didn’t bother to check) going “yeah i didn’t wanna read because 1/80+ chapters were locked”.

AN EXTRA. LITERALLY AN EXTRA!!!!!!

at the end of the day, translators are not like DYING to translate, not like some of you are DYING to read the translations. once again, this isn’t a “BE GRATEFUL” message, it’s a please be respectful to the people who put in time and hard work for free and share the goodness ya know? what’s the use of yelling at fan translators as if we owe you anything?

================

🔴🔴🔴 TOO LONG DIDN’T READ 🔴🔴🔴

some people may need really need to pirate - and no one needs to justify why they cannot afford to purchase etc. pirating happens all the time, translators only hope that when you can, and in whatever way you can, to support legally - in general we don’t ask and we get it! we’re just annoyed that some people think that it SHOULD BE FREE, when it is a paid product, especially for those who CAN afford it

readers are not entitled to shit on translators for what they do with their translations - once again, you’re not OBLIGATED to have it. so what if i start and stop? i’m the one doing the work, i get the only say. don’t be a hypocrite and shit on translators, whose works you’ve read - it’s no loss for translators, we read and enjoy danmei just fine

yes, fan translations are illegal, but you can’t read and enjoy them like some of you have, and then turn around and point the finger at translators - a lot of us are happy to stop translating - this isn’t a threat, but at the end of the day, shitting on translators simply decreases access, and sure, some people can indeed live with you know, MTL or shitty translations from people who’ve learnt chinese for only six months or whatever, but you’re gonna be reading an entirely different book tbh

the people saying illegal translators are at fault - funnily enough, most of them consume the translations, so what the fuck? i mean we know it’s illegal, we’re trying to share the love and trying to minimize the illegalities of it by redirecting people to hopefully support legally. it’s still illegal yes, but i think it’s hypocritical for people who have read translations, stab translators in the back. and now that translators are indeed ‘restricting’ and ‘removing’ their ‘illegal translations’, yall yelling again? and threatening?

fan translators aren’t “elitist” or “classist” - just looking for some respect in a community which seems to have taken them for granted, and also looking for support for their fave authors - and honestly a lot of us were caught in the crossfires truly, don’t be an asshole and demand things from fan translators - who are you talking about? do you know why they decided to lock? do you know know what their locking system is like and what for?

it’s not EASY to lock the translations up - it’s more admin work, it’s putting together a whitelist of people, if given the choice i’m sure translators would prefer to share everything. but not when there are assholes who have a comment on how they should translate etc. and yeah!!! calling us illegal!! i mean we are but still!!

the last straw was seeing that post on tumblr and people in the comments going like fan translators shouldn’t or should do something, without getting the whole picture, without even considering how hard it is for fan translators being caught in this situation.

whoever puts in the work gets to decide, and everyone else should leave them alone.

be nice to the people who really cannot afford as they say so (or just don’t think about it), be nice to the translators feeding you content, and the people who free ride and shit on translators - honestly, i’d say ready the pitchforks.

edit: i forgot to mention this is my hot take and i’ve tried to like present all the arguments i’ve seen so far. i’m definitely not doing all of it justice and i don’t claim to speak on behalf of any of them except maybe one or two- and i’ve definitely left out stuff, but anyway, lmao we’re just tiny people doing what we love. i wish we could solve you know inequality or poverty or hunger or other pressing concerns. if i was that great i wouldn’t be stuck on tumblr or twitter or have to make posts like these like a loser.

thanks for coming to my ted talk.

#danmei #danmei twitter #rambles #long post #literally cannot take the stupidity of some people anymore

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221bshrlocked · 4 years ago

Text

Be My Enemy, Be My Remedy

Pairing: The Mandalorian (Din Djarin) x Reader

Words: 9647 (again, I wish I was sorry but I’m not)

Warnings: Angst and Smut. Rough sex. Breeding kink (sorry not sorry). Touch “kink” due to touch starvation.

Summary: You couldn’t really consider him as a friend, not because you didn’t want him to be but because he never gave you any inclinations for wanting to change your little “happy-hunting” arrangement, whatever that even was. So, that left you as partners...at best. But a mission gone wrong forces the Mandalorian to reevaluate his relationship with you, finally realizing you were not his enemy but the complete opposite.

A/N: Fasten your seatbelts ladies and gentlemen, here is the second Mando fic. I seem to be incapable of writing Smut without Angst, I don’t know why. Please let me know how I’m doing in the comments and how I can improve. Thank you!! Some quick notes: Beskad is a Mandalorian Sword and the Whistling Bird releases small guided munitions from the vambrace (forearm brace). I planned on including some *whispers* weapon porn but I got sidetracked and so expect some beskad and glove smut in the next fic enshallah.

For a bounty hunter who prided himself in never getting distracted from the hunting trade, the Mandalorian sure was preoccupied by the crystal spires reaching farther than the eye could see. You couldn’t blame him though, Christophsis was among the most exquisite of planets and not just those belonging to the Savareen sector. You followed behind and continued to glance next to you to make sure the crib was floating nearby.

“Where are you you doshing little shabuir? I know you’re around here somewhere.” You whispered to yourself as you kept moving away from the busyness of the noisy bazaar, hoping to the maker that the child wouldn’t wake up from the sharp calls of drunkards and sellers arguing over horribly brewed spotchka.

“Hey, told you to watch your language around the kid.” The Mandalorian hissed at you from ahead, turning his head slightly towards your narrowed eyes and glaring at you through the visor. Or at least that’s what you thought he was doing. With the way he was currently moving through the quieter streets, you knew he was definitely not happy with where the three of you ended up, let alone your lack of respect for his ‘parenting’ methods.

“Relax big guy, he’s in his crib dreaming of all the frogs his soft little heart wishes he could eat. Besides, you told me I need to practice my Mando’a.” You motioned towards the crib and rolled your eyes at him, raising an eyebrow when you saw the minuscule shake of his helmet before he looked down at the tracking fob.

“Not around the kid…” You couldn’t help but chuckle at his response because he just had to always get the last word in. Mando hoped his rough response would distract you from the way his body seemed to react to being called ‘big guy.’ He knew what you were referring to and yet he felt goosebumps erupt on his strictly covered skin at the thought of you saying those specific words but under different circumstances.

“Waadar Ke'sush'.” He hissed more to himself than you and didn’t bother to respond when you asked him what those words meant.

As you made your way towards the skirts of the town, you felt a pair of eyes boring into your neck and knew instantly the quarry must have known you were here. And you knew the Mandalorian could sense his presence as well when he placed the tracking fob back into his pocket and trailed his hands down to the blaster on his hip. You wished you could ask him why he continued to walk towards the forest but knew better than to question his methods. Any conversation held between the two of you might spook the bounty and the last thing you needed was to make a scene on a planet you weren’t that fond of being on to begin with.

But it was getting a tad bit annoying once you were far enough past the trees and the Mandalorian continued to walk through the brightly-colored plants.

“Shouldn’t we-” Before you could finish the question, Mando was turning around and shooting at a large tree not twenty feet behind you. You pushed the crib out of the way before taking out the beskad as well, squinting your eyes to try and see where the wanted Rodian was.

“Dank farrik!” You swore when you realized the Mandalorian was more likely to get a better shot than you because of the heat-sensors in his helmet. You felt useless, torn between shooting wherever he was and making sure the kid wasn’t harmed in the crossfire.

“Watch out,” it took you a second too late to realize that Mando was yelling at you and you fell backwards as one of the beams roughly grazed your thigh. As you attempted to wrap a band around the wound, you heard the familiar sound of the crib opening and before you could do anything, the child was already approaching you, his eyes filled with worry as he stretched out his little hand and shut his eyes.

“Oh no you don’t,” you put the hand down and make quick work of the wound, about to stand up and put the kid back into his crib.

“Haar'chak,” you looked up as soon as you heard the Mandalorian swear at the top of his lungs, the vocoder not hiding his anger and causing you to lose your equilibrium for a split moment. This was not the time to dwell on the effects his voice had on you or the fact that he was angry at you getting hurt. You wished to dwell on the latter thought for a little bit longer but shook your head to clear the haze his voice placed you under.

Putting the sharp Mandalorian weapon back into the holster, you realized you were of no use to the Mandalorian now that you were compromised, deciding to make sure the child was safe instead of running after the Rodian with him. But that plan was gone as soon as it came once you looked down and realized why the Mandalorian swore.

The kid wasn’t next to you.

In fact, he was nowhere near you.

Turning around, you saw the bounty holding the child against his chest, a knife in one hand and a blaster aimed at the little one’s head in the other.

“Wait,” you held out your hands against your partner and the quarry, refusing to let anything happen to the kid because of some stupid bounty. And as hard as you tried to dismiss it, you felt hurt at knowing that the Mandalorian was angry because the kid was taken and not because you were hurt.

“You’re getting soft Mandalorian,” the bounty, Tig Bayantik, smiled as he taunted the man behind you and you hoped he wouldn’t do anything stupid.

“Let him go,” the growl that emitted from the vocoder could have brought you to your knees under other circumstances, and you turned to look at Mando before returning your focus on the kid. Your heart broke at the thought of him getting hurt because of one simple and stupid mistake you made. A mistake that should cost you your life and not his or his father’s.

“Alright alright, everyone just calm down.” You forced a smile and kept your hands in Tig’s eyesight so he wouldn’t misinterpret your movements. “Let’s solve this like the rational adults we are. Tig, what do you want...besides us not coming after you?” You raised your eyebrows at him, hoping to steer the conversation your way until you trapped him with an offer. An offer you were most definitely going to regret as soon as it left your lips. But there was no other option. The last thing you expected was for something like this to happen. The child was only ever in dangerous situations when one of you was caring for him, never when the two of you were around. This was not ideal and you hated what you were willing to do to ensure his safety.

“Simple, your chain code for the kid.” He pointed at Mando and smiled when he noticed him shift uncomfortably.

“Why?” The Mandalorian hissed his question and you sighed annoyingly because since when did he ever question anything that had to do with the little womp rat.

“Since when do you ask questions Mandalorian?” Tig screamed and held the kid too tightly to your liking, causing you to lean forwards when you heard him cooing and moving his little hands towards you.

“Alright,” hoping he would follow your lead, you reluctantly took the beskad out of its holster and threw it at Mando, ignoring the obvious discomfort shedding off of him. As you asked him to give you the tracking fob, the Mandalorian thought of ten different ways where this could go from bad to worse now that you gave him the main weapon you had on you. He titled his head to the side when you asked him for the tracking fob and reluctantly threw it at you, watching in annoyance as you dropped it to the floor and stomped on it twice until it broke beneath your feet.

“I’ll do you one better, me for the little womp rat who couldn’t stay in his fucking crib a second longer.” You could see Mando’s little head tilt from your peripheral vision and weren’t sure if it was because he hated that you swore in front of the kid again or because he was most certainly not going to follow along with the sharade and considered the idea incredibly idiotic. Before he could say anything, you took a few steps forward, hands aimed towards the turquoise skies while silently praying to the maker that your hunch would be correct. When you saw Tig’s hands twitch and begin to lower the blaster from the kid, you knew you had him.

“You must be desperate.” Tig held onto the kid tighter and you hoped he wouldn’t question you anymore because at this point, you were sure you would be the one doing something stupid to get him back.

“No, I’m just the moof-milker who wasn’t supposed to care about some tinman and his foundling...and yet here I am.” Your admission filled the silent air and you thought you heard the bounty hunter lightly gasp behind you but knew better. Call it wishful thinking but if you were to ever make it alive out of this situation, with no one harmed, you were going to think of finally telling him how you feel. How you’ve felt ever since you joined his clan. No, that wasn’t it. You weren’t part of his clan. You just...were.

“I don’t have a single weapon on me...not even a whistle. Plus, I’ll fetch for a good price on Malachor…” You turned to your partner and held back from smiling once you saw the minuscule nod he threw at you. He couldn’t afford one of the munitions from his whistling bird hitting the kid, but he could use it if you took his place...or so you thought at least.

“That’s the...they pay in-” As Tig tripped over his words, you held back a sigh of relief because he was finally falling for the trap.

“That’s right baby, they pay exclusively in Nova Crystals...only a moron would let the opportunity slide from his fingers. Come on, what do you say? Last I heard, I was worth five-” Before you could finish your sentence, Tig was setting the child down on the ground, the blaster instantly aimed at your head so you wouldn’t think of escaping. You waited until the kid ran to the Mandalorian before stepping towards the Rodian in front of you.

“Smart man,” you hissed when he grabbed your arm and twisted it behind your back before pulling you flush to his chest, making sure the Mandalorian didn’t have an opening to shoot him.

“Our business here is finished Mandalorian,” Tig warned the beskar-clad hunter and you instantly felt sorry for him because it was one thing to threaten the kid but a whole other to warn him. As he stepped back and took you with him, you took a deep breath and shut your eyes, praying that if and when the munition hit you, it wouldn’t hurt badly. You snorted loudly before you could silence yourself and the Rodian dug his nails into your forearms. “What’s so funny girly?”

“Girly? Oh you’re dead meat now.” Almost instantly, you heard the Mandalorian fire two small munitions from his vambrace, falling backward in pain when sure enough, one of them broke the skin of your hip right before it hit the bounty in his side. He immediately rolled you down beneath him and was about to shoot you right between your eyes if it weren’t for the Mandalorian running towards the two of you and kicking his head. Your eyes widened in surprise when you realized he fainted from how hard the hit was, gaze instantly landing on the man standing above your battered body. You could tell he was definitely killing you in a thousand different ways but feigned ignorance at the obvious anger, smiling when the green goblin waddled towards you and stretched his hands out again.

“I thought I told you not to do that,” you warned him again, struggling to stand up and ignoring the heat rushing through your clothes when you felt Mando support your back. He let go when he noticed the way you reacted to him, thanking the maker for the helmet that hid his hurt expression. As you put the child back in his crib and shut it to ensure he wouldn’t get out again, you turned around and found the Mandalorian violently cuffing Tig and forcing him to stand up. He was a little dazed but knew better than to attempt and fight the Mandalorian. If you could feel the rage rolling off of him, then the Rodian was certainly aware of it as well. You kept on glancing at him and noticed the way he was clutching the beskad, a part of you hurt that he didn’t return it to you once he cuffed the bounty. There weren’t any more dangers, to your knowledge, but it still felt like he was purposely ignoring the weapon in his hand. Maybe he just didn’t trust you with it at the moment. You couldn’t blame him if he was reluctant to hand it to you ever again. It was a most valuable position and he was technically crossing a line by allowing you to use it so the fact that you felt the need to give it back to him must have struck a sensitive nerve. As your eyes took in his rigid form sulking and strutting ahead of you, you hated the way you were reacting to him holding onto the beskar sword and shook your head at how absolutely fucked up your mind was for thinking of him using that beskad a little differently on you.

The four of you made your way back to the Razor Crest in silence and you could tell the couple merchants left in the bazaar were staring at you as you made your way through the alleys. But you didn’t care for any of that because you now had another issue at hand. There was no way the Mandalorian wasn’t going to ask about why there is, or was, a bounty on your head. Those on Malachor who wanted you were known across the Outer Rim Territories, not because of the nature of their work but because of the history tied with them. Only a fool with a death wish would mess with the Zabraks and the Mandalorian was no idiot. He’d heard you saying how much you were worth. You knew he would never try and take up that bounty for himself, at least you hoped he wouldn’t. Not after everything you’ve been through.

But there was no way he wasn’t going to ask you to leave. The longer you thought about it, the quicker you realized he was probably going to just leave you on Christophsis. The kid was too important to him and he couldn’t afford losing him.

Hell, he was too important to you. Both of them were. And you wouldn’t want to take that chance if you were in his place.

Before you knew it, you were standing in front of the Crest, clutching at your side and looking around you to make sure no one was following you. You pushed the crib up the ramp and vaguely heard the sound of the carbon freezer going off, muffling the rage of the Rodian who was sure he was going to be richer than the Empire in a matter of hours should he have taken you.

Reluctance filled your heart and you thought it better to not bother and attempt to get on the ship when you knew its owner no longer welcomed your presence. Looking to the side, you saw a dimly-lit turquoise tree bark on its side facing the lake behind the ship. Barely making it across, you threw yourself down and sighed, opening your eyes and looking out to the different shades of blue coloring the luminescent lake. You weren’t sure how long you were sitting there and you didn’t care. It was too beautiful to let your worries run with you.

It was bound to happen.

“What did I say about wasting time we don’t have?” The Mandalorian’s voice broke your daydreams and you jumped at the modulated voice, crying in pain when the gash at your hips oozed out more blood.

“Pfassk!” Hearing him swear beneath his breath before getting down on his knees to get a better look at the wound gave you butterflies in your stomach and you thought back to what happened earlier with the kid. Maybe he did care if you got hurt after all.

“It isn’t bad. The bacta spray will take care of this.” He grabbed your arm and helped you to your feet, his visor turning away from you when he met your eyes.

“You mean...o-on the ship?” You wished you didn’t sound so helpless but the thought of not being turned away from him put you at ease and you hoped he wasn’t just going to help you get back on your feet before leaving you. He wasn’t that cruel...

“No in the cantina.” His response was instant and you couldn’t hold back the laughter from bubbling up your throat even if you tried.

“Did- did you just make a joke? Maker, you...hah, you actually made a joke. Did I hit myself on the head or did you j-”

“Enough,” his grasp tightened around your upper arm and you swallowed the lump in your throat when his gruff voice hit your core. As soon as you went up the ramp, Mando was shutting it behind him, pushing you towards your cot in the back before leaving for the cockpit. You didn’t know what else to do so you decided to sit there until he returned. The bacta spray was in his quarters and there was no way in hell you were going to go there. You were barely hanging by a thread and feared how he’d react if he found you going through his things.

The bounty hunter, on the other hand, purposely left you there for a few moments to try and get himself together. As he plotted the course to Nevarro, and made sure everything was in place, he thought back to what you were willing to do to ensure the kid’s safety. And he wished he didn’t feel his heart swell with anticipation following your confession. Sure he knew you care for the child, you’d proven on many occasions that you have. But hearing you admit you cared about him stirred something into his chest, a feeling he purposely ignored these past few months of having you on the ship. A feeling which he tried his hardest not to humor because as far as he knew, you were strictly business partners, and nothing more. Hell, the two of you barely considered yourselves as that considering how often you headbutted during the hunts. He was forced to bring you on board because a pair of extra eyes were necessary to make sure the kid was safe. Had anyone asked him weeks ago about what he thought of you, he would have said he considered you as an acquaintance, since the word ‘enemy’ would have been a little too harsh.

Of course that would have been a blatant lie because this same feeling residing in the pit of his stomach grew every time he saw you interact with the child. Something about seeing you switch from being a deadly bounty hunter to a caring m-, a caring woman, made his chest swell with need and...dare he say, hope. It was a feeling unlike any other.

A feeling which quickly turned into a deep yearning when he finally noticed the effect he had on you as he tried to help you onto the Crest. He felt guilt wash over him because the purpose of the heat sensors was to track his bounties and not to fill his eyes with your heated skin and warm c-

A loud crash brought him out of his haze and as he descended the stairs and looked towards your cot, dread filled his soul. You must have lost more blood than he initially thought because you were lying on the ground with the child attempting to move out of his crib.

In an instant, he was carrying you into the makeshift bed, head shaking when he looked at you and saw you deliriously giggling at him.

“Must I almost die for you to finally remember I-” You attempted to joke to put him at ease but regretted it immediately when you realized it had the opposite effect on him.

“Shut up.” He left you sitting on the bed before bringing the kid to his quarters, warning him not to get out of his crib before aggressively grabbing the kit and returning to your side.

“Take your shirt off.” He barked out the command without giving too much thought to it and winced when he realized how careful he must be when he’s talking to you, especially now when you looked so weak and...fuck. No. He can’t think like that.

“P-pardon?” You were visibly shaking at the sudden request and wished you weren’t thinking of-

“Do you not speak Basic anymore? Take the kriffing shirt off.” You flushed under his gaze and looked away from him as you tried to remove the ripped article of clothing. When you hissed and lowered your arm, Mando sighed in annoyance because of course you wouldn’t be able to raise your arm.

“Not all of us can hide the pain behind a mask Mando, I just ne-” He didn’t let you finish your comment, setting everything aside and softly grabbing the hem of your shirt. You forgot how to breathe for a moment, looking at him quizzically when he remained unmoving for a few seconds. It occurred to you that he was probably waiting for your permission and you nodded slightly before looking everywhere else but him. Mando tried his hardest to control his reaction at seeing your soft skin and he was sure he was doing a good job until he saw your nipples harden behind the chest band.

Clearing his throat once, Mando stood up and helped you take your shoes off before preparing the bacta spray. “Will you...can you remove your pants?” His question was filled with reluctance and you wished with all your heart you could tease him about his tone but didn’t trust how he’d react to you.

“I-I’m sorry I- can’t. It hurts to bend d-”

“Okay.” For maker knows what time that day, Mando cut you off and moved closer to you, willing himself to take deep breaths as he unzipped the front of your pants and held them at your hips. As you raised yourself to help him get the pants off, you couldn’t help but gasp as soon as you felt his gloved hands make contact with your skin. Mando stopped moving and kept his visor away from your face towards the medical supplies on the bed to give you some form of privacy. He could hear your heartbeat elevate, could feel your skin growing hotter beneath his touch, could almost smell the scent of your arousal sticking to the humid air. But he chose to ignore it, all of it.

Slowly pulling the pants off, he maneuvered you around until you were facing towards the wall.

“This might hurt a bit Ad'ika.” The endearment left his lips before he could stop himself and he felt you still under his touch.

“What- what does that mean?” Your voice was weaker than usual and he didn’t know he could feel any guiltier than before but the way you responded to his touch and his voice had him growing hard in his pants and if it weren’t for the fact that you entrusted him with caring for you, he would have pushed you down to the bed and swallowed those little sighs and whimpers until you begged him to stop.

“I’ll tell you later.” The Mandalorian was never one to avoid such simple questions and you knew he could definitely see goosebumps growing across your skin once you realized why he might be refusing to tell you now.

You felt the cold sting of the bacta spray spread across your thigh and grabbed the nearest object to you which so happened to be his forearm. Shutting your eyes harder than intended, you hissed out in pain when you felt him mirror your actions and tighten his fingers around your wrist.

“Ni'm Ni ceta, Cyar'ika.” He whispered as he moved you around to face him, not giving you a chance to adjust to the position as he sprayed your hip. You didn’t let go of his arm once and felt hot tears rolling down your cheeks the more he pressed the medication into the open gash across your hip. He continued to whisper in Mando’a and you found it more soothing than you liked to admit even though you understood absolutely nothing of what he was saying.

“M-mando please...I can’t- s-stop ple-” You cried out when the bacta spray hit the deepest corner of the cut, hands instantly moving to his shoulder and fisting into his cowl before unintentionally pulling him closer to you. Mando placed the top of his helmet against your forehead, willing himself to continue and care for you even though his touch was only bringing you pain in that instant. He almost shook his head when he noticed what he was doing, the gesture going completely unnoticed by you because he never told you what it meant in his culture to lean one’s head against another’s. He enjoyed the moment and whispered his apologies the harder you began to shake in his arms.

“Gedet'ye Cyare, I’m almost done. Take a deep breath for me,” he waited until you sucked in as much air as you could before applying the bacta spray to the last corner of the wound, setting it down and staring into the gash until he saw it slowly closing. You weren’t sure how long he sat there looking at you but you knew he could see the effect he had on you because his visor moved back and forth from the wound to where your thighs shifted. Once he was sure the skin was almost healed, he stood up and stepped away from you, already missing the heat of your skin touching his clothed armor.

“Vor entye,” you weren’t sure why you felt the need to thank him in his mother tongue and hoped he wouldn’t dwell too much on it as you attempted to stand up. As you held out your arms to keep your balance, the Mandalorian was next to you in the blink of an eye, holding onto your waist to prevent you from falling over.

“You need to get some rest.” He half-yelled at you and you wished he wasn’t standing so close to you because one more rough command and you were going to fall on your knees and beg him to fuck your mouth.

“No, I need to use the refresher.” You were surprised by how steady your voice came out and refused to be distracted by the way his fingers continued to twitch against your bruised hips.

“You can barely stand without my help.” Mando was frustrated beyond measure and recalled back to what he was thinking of when he was in the cockpit. A slow realization came to him and he stepped away from you when he knew it was never anger that bugged him whenever you challenged his commands, but frustration. More particularly, sexual frustration. Because if there was ever a time you looked absolutely divine, it was when you were fuming and yelling at him at the top of your lungs. And for some odd reason, he loved seeing you stand up to him.

“I am using the refresher. I feel sweaty and disgusting and wet a-” You probably shouldn’t have said that last bit because Mando was letting go of you and collecting the supplies, not bothering to look back at you as he unlocked his cot and set the kit aside before checking on the kid.

You mentally smacked yourself at the ridiculous word vomit and grabbed the nearest dry shirt and undergarments before wobbling to the refresher. Once the Mandalorian was sure you were in the refresher, he took the child to his little space near your cot and rubbed behind his ears until he fell asleep. He kept on looking at the door of the refresher, a part of him worried you’d slip and hit your head if it became too foggy in there.

He was finally allowing his thoughts to become less hostile and worried when he picked up on a faint groan. Standing against the refresher door, he remained silent and shook his head when he heard you moan a string of ‘fucks’ a few times before something fell.

“Pfassk,” shutting the curtain around the child, the Mandalorian walked to his cot and began to strip out of his armor. He refused to dwell too much on what he was about to do and the meaning behind his actions. Before long, Mando was standing in the middle of the Crest as nude as the day he was born and he took a deep, calming breath before taking off his helmet and setting it on the ground. Walking to the control box, he shut the lights off and ignored your sudden cries at losing sight of the room.

He approached the refresher and hoped what he was about to do wouldn’t pull your relationship apart, whatever that relationship was. Unlocking the door, he waited at the foot of the small room before stepping in, the heat of your shower already making him lose his mind.

“Mando?” Your voice came out hoarse and he dug his nails into the palms of his hands to prevent himself from jumping on you right then and there.

“Hmm.”

“Why...w-what are you doing?” He hated how much fear was laced in your words and realized you might completely misunderstand his actions.

“Making sure you won’t fall and die on me.” The Mandalorian hoped his voice emitted some semblance of control and when you said nothing, he panicked and thought of the worst. Unbeknownst to him, you were struggling for a response not because you wanted him to leave but because he wasn’t wearing his mask. He chose to take his mask off and be in the same room as you. True the lights were off and you couldn’t see even a foot ahead of you but it was still a big deal, even more so for him. And maker, his voice was smoother than the finest Opaline Creed honey. You weren’t sure what you expected it to sound like but you genuinely thought the vocoder was what made it sound so guttural. Turns out, it was already smooth and deep and was just intensified through the helmet. You felt your legs shaking at the knowledge of hearing that same voice whispering the filthiest things in your ears and instantly decided to move away from that grey area.

“T-thank you.” The soft exclamation shot through his spine and he didn’t bother to slow his movements as he pushed open the door of the even smaller privy and stepped through. Years of adapting to the mask as well as walking around in the darkness of his ship without it allowed him to see where you were standing. He could just make out the shape of your curves and held back a moan when the water hit his tired muscles. You refused to move an inch, afraid to break whatever spell fell over the two of you and allowed you to be in close proximity. The bounty hunter rarely articulated his inner thoughts and emotions so anything you could say might genuinely spook him.

When your hand fell from your chest to try and readjust the heat of the water, it accidentally trailed over his skin and you gasped when it finally occurred to you that yes, he was very much as naked as you. His mask was not the only thing that was off. You weren’t sure what that meant for him or for you apart from the fact that he felt the need to strip off his armor, physically and metaphorically, to ensure your safety.

“M-mando…”

“Mesh'la, if you keep calling for me with that sinful voice, I- I am not sure I will be able to restrain myself.” For the first time since you’d joined him on the ship, Mando was losing his patience and control, and he hoped his words wouldn’t scare you away. He never sounded so...breathy? Was that even the right word? It took you a few longer moments to finally register what his words meant and you set the soap on the shelf before stepping towards him. You could sense the moment he acknowledged just how close you were to him because he finally let himself react to your heat and gasp at knowing you were within arm’s reach.

“T-then don’t…” The words were left hanging in the damp air around you and you thought you crossed a line which he so obviously sounded like he didn’t wish to move past.

But Mando was on you in the blink of an eye, grabbing your hips and pushing you roughly until your back hit the cold wall, the feeling of his wet skin sliding against yours turning you on way more than it should. Before you could have any time to react to the sudden movement, Mando was leaning down and hoisting you up against the cool metal, moaning against your cheeks when your legs crossed behind his back and pulled his achingly hard cock to your heated core.

“Mando, oh fuck- I...y-you’re-” You wrapped your arms arond his neck and felt the soft hair at the nape of his neck tickle your skin. You couldn’t hold back even if you tried, fingers instantly fisting in his hair and finding it much longer than you thought it would be. Mando groaned and felt himself growing harder as you bucked your hips against him and the thought of finally sheathing himself inside you drove him mad with lust. He felt how warm your cunt is and his knees almost gave out when for a moment, he brushed against your clit and felt you whimper beneath him.

“Ad'ika, I- I need you...I burn for you. Please, sweet girl, will you let me have you? I can feel you pulling me in...can smell your wetness calling for me.” You were sure you died and joined the stars because the man before you rarely spoke and here he was spilling his heart’s deepest desires unabashedly and rather enthusiastically. You threw your head back as he bucked his hips against you and bit down on your neck, smiling when you knew you’d wake up to numerous bruises and marks coloring your skin and showing the universe whom you belonged to.

“Please...pl-please, I'm yours Mando, do what you want with me. T-take whatever you want, ohh ffuh- fuck me until I...till I can’t feel anything but your cock. Kriffing hell I-” Mando couldn’t stop himself even if he tried. He knew he should prepare you for him. He knew he should make sure he wasn’t forcing you into anything. But your words nudged at that primal lust he reserved for you and in that moment, only one thing mattered.

Making sure he marked every single inch of you until he didn’t know where he ended and you began.

With as much focus as he could muster up, Mando trailed one of his hands down your thighs and took himself in his hand, jerking the head of his cock against your wet slit and feeling you shiver at his ministrations. Bracing his feet better against the warm floor, Mando ceased to breathe as he thrust harshly inside you, swallowing your moans as he brought his lips against yours. The two of you couldn’t move a muscle for a few seconds and Mando thanked the maker you weren’t trying to meet his hips because he was sure he would cum right then and there should you clench any harder around him. You couldn’t get enough of the way his tongue danced against your lips and you tried your hardest to keep kissing him for as long as possible. But then he was pulling away and nipping at your neck, and you swore he was going to be the death of you because you never pictured him with a beard and now you were feeling it rubbing against your already hyper-sensitive skin.

“Mand-” You whimpered into his lips once more and felt him become more aggressive by the second.

“None of that...my name is- it’s Din. Remember it, memorize it...fucking say it as you take my cock into that wet, tight cunt of yours. I-I want you to scream my name as I fuck you sweet girl...I want to hear these walls shaking with how much I pleasure you.” You couldn’t wrap your head around what he’d just willingly allowed you to know. It was too much to take in and you felt tears rolling down your cheeks as you realized what this man has done for you in the span of a few hours. Din faintly heard you sniff and hoped he wasn’t hurting you in any way.

“Din,” he curled into you as soon as his name left your lips, unable to stop himself from pulling out and plunging back into you time and again just to hear you whisper his name in his ears. He was intoxicated by the little sounds you were emitting, squeezing your thighs and making sure you were holding yourself up as he began to pound into you until the only sounds left in the small room were his skin slapping against yours and the running water.

“Oh- gah...D-Din, I-” You couldn’t form a proper sentence even if you tried, fingers digging into his back as you felt his cock hit near your cervix. Before you knew it, you were clenching around him, screaming his name as you arched your back and came on his dick. Din growled when he felt you squeeze his cock, his hips stuttering for a moment before he continued to fuck you with abandon, carrying you over the edge once more until you were a moaning mess.

“Fuck, ah Cyare...you’re everything I dreamed of a-and so much kriffing better...I- I want to brand you darling...I want to leave my mark on every single one of your holes. So, fucking, good for me,” Din couldn’t believ what he was saying because a part of him felt guilty for using such filthy language with you. But he didn’t want to stop, he wanted you to know how much you affected him. He yearned for you and wished with all his being to become one with you in every single possible way.

“Din, Din...oh pfassk- cum for me. Cum for me please, fill me up...let me feel you hot and deep inside me.” You begged for him and prayed to the stars he wouldn’t be turned off by what you were asking of him.

“Mesh'la...you- is that what you want? You want me to cum inside this sweet little cunt? Want to walk around with my seed leaking down your thighs- ah fuck, you’re a dream. A kriffing dream...and you’re all mine. Mine to fuck when I please, mine to mark- ah by the gods woman...mine to fucking breed when I feel like it.” Din was no longer in control of himself, grinding his teeth before he leaned down and attacked the skin of your chest. You clenched around him when you felt his teeth nip at your nipples a little harder than you liked. But you didn’t have the heart to tell him to go easier on you. It was intoxicating how much he wanted you and you didn’t want this to end because now that you’ve had a taste of how much of a generous lover he is, you didn’ want to give it up, even if it meant having purple and blue spots coloring your body the following day.

“Yes, yes...Din, ‘m all yours. Please-” He wasn’t sure if it was your desperate pleas that forced him to cross that threshold or if it was how sinfully warm your cunt felt as he thrust into you time and again. But it didn’t matter because Din was close to losing his mind as he stilled all his motions, cock pulsating and shooting his seed so deep inside you he was sure you were going to have another kid running around the ship. In all honesty, the Mandalorian was not sure he wanted to have another child but the image of your grown belly was engraved into his mind now and he didn’t know if he could ever stop himself from bending you over every part of the ship, at any given moment in time, and breeding you until you couldn’t feel anything but his hot cum filling your insides.

You were gasping for air at this point, leaning down and sucking on his Adam's apple just to get a rise out of him. You smiled when he unintentionally jutted against you and somehow managed to push his hot seed deeper inside you. Maybe he was more touch-starved than you initially thought...

“Mine. All mine,” he whispered right before slowly setting you down on the ground and you hissed when you felt him pull out, the sudden emptiness making you wish he could stay inside you just a little while longer.

“Come on, it’s going to get cold soon.” His words seemed calculated and you almost got a whiplash from how quickly he managed to compose himself. As he shut the water off and stepped out, you were met with a thousand doubts and the Mandalorian must have sensed your reluctance because he grabbed your arm and forced you to get out of the privy, quickly wrapping a towel around you before opening the door of the refresher and pulling you along with him.

A quick look at the child’s curtain and Din knew he was still fast asleep. Not knowing what to say after your activities, Mando unlocked the door to his quarters and turned around to face you, taking hold of your towel and softly passing it over your wet skin until he was sure you were dry enough to not catch anything. You waited patiently until he dried himself off and stood there in silence, hoping he wasn’t going to turn you away.

You felt a faint touch smoothing through your fingers before engulfing the palm of your hand and you let yourself smile at the thought of Din being so shy with you even after the last hour or so. You stepped closer to him and rested your head on his chest, rubbing your cheeks on him before kissing across the scarred expanse of his skin. Din was having a hard time, in more ways than one, keeping himself in check but feeling your lips leave open-mouthed kisses on him broke the thin thread he was hanging by.

Before you could say anything, Din was leaning down and carrying you in his arms, immediately taking your lips into his as he kneeled down and stepped into his cot. He quickly shut the door of the semi-private corner in hopes of not waking the kid. Now that he knew how loud you were capable of screaming, he wasn’t planning on terrifying the child and making him think he was hurting you in some way.

“Din-” You melted into his arms as his fingers massaged down your arms, stilling when they reached your navel before slowly pushing your thighs open.

“Cyare...the things I want to do to you. You make me want to lose control.” His admission twisted your stomach and you turned your head to the side to avoid his words because as much as you enjoyed hearing how much you affected him, it was embarrassing to listen to him praise you in such a way when up until hours ago, he barely managed to keep a conversation for more than five minutes. Din noticed the shift in your body language and retracted his fingers, choosing to lay them on the covers beneath you so you didn’t feel too overwhelmed with his presence.

“Did I offend you sweet girl?” He grinned against your cheeks before laying lazy kisses across your clavicle, smiling when he coaxed more needy moans out of you.

“N-no, no it’s...I- I’m just not used to-” You tripped over your words and wished he wasn’t distracting you with his lips so you could try and tell him what you were thinking of.

“Being told you’re a good girl?” Mando could tell he struck a nerve because you shifted your thighs and arched your back against him when his hand shot to your legs to keep them from closing.

“I- uhh, that’s n-not wha-”

“Come on Mesh'la, since when do you get so tongue tied while talking to me?” Din knew he was pushing all your buttons and wished you could finally lose it and try to challenge him because he was as ready as he’d ever be now that he sort of knew where you stood with him.

“Din, I don’t want you t- to think that I...that you need to do...this, because I...I can’t bear the thought of you pushing me away if you...oh maker, if you regret this tomorrow.”

Whatever the Mandalorian thought you were going to say, he was certainly not expecting such a nervous response to his actions. He wished he wasn’t so hostile with you since you joined him but he was only trying to protect the kid, and himself. The fact that you thought he was with you out of pity and not because of how much he wanted you was preposterous and as much as he wanted to ease all your worries away, he couldn’t deny how hard he became just from hearing your small voice telling him to not regret sleeping with you.

Without giving you any warning, Din pulled away from you, grabbing your hips aggressively before turning you on your stomach. You barely had any time to react as he forced you on your knees and shoved his hands into your hair to pull you against him. Your hands shot to his calloused ones and grabbed onto them like your life depended on it, whimpering and shaking in his arms as you felt his cock slide across your wet slit.

“Feel how much I want you Cyar'ika, how much I crave being inside this sweet cunt,” Din shoved three fingers inside your pussy and growled when he felt his cum mixed with your wetness and rolling down his palm. “You drive me mad with lust baby and there is nothing, absolutely nothing in this universe, that will ever convince me to not want you.”

“D-din…” You cried his name as he continued to fuck you with his fingers, not bothering to let up as he felt you reach your peak and gush down his hand onto the covers. You tried to grab his wrist and beg him to stop but he didn’t, couldn’t if he tried. Letting go of your hair, he slapped the hand grabbing at his wrist away before wrapping those same fingers around your throat, pushing you back against his chest as he continued to finger you until the only sounds he heard were your desperate pleas for him to slow down

“That’s right, scream my name sweet girl. Fuck...I could smell your cunt. L-let me have a taste, please.” Not bothering to wait for a response, Din pushed you down and laid between your thighs, immediately descending on your heated slit like a parched man in the middle of Tatooine looking for a drink of water. Your hands shot to his hair and pulled on it as soon as you felt his beard tickle the inside of your thighs. He was being rough, he knew he was being overbearing and a little too much. But he didn’t know how to respond to your doubts so he thought it best to show you just how much he needed you.

Din groaned as he licked and sucked on your clit and when you tried to push him away, he clasped his hands above your navel and kept you close to him, not caring that your thighs were crushing his head as he took your clit between his lips and roughly swiped his tongue on it.

“Ahh D-din I can’t…please n-no more-”

“You’ll take what I give you Mesh'la,” Din let go of you and kneeled above you for a few moments to allow you to catch your breath. When he could hear your heart rate almost return to normal, he once again turned you around on your stomach before raising your hips up against him. Spitting on his fingers, he jerked his cock a few times before repeating the action and rubbing it across your pussy, chuckling when you tried to lean away from him.

“Don’t even try to run away from me. You asked me if I really wanted to fuck you so, here is my answer. Take my cock like the sweet little girl you are,” nudging your wet lips with the painfully hard head of his dick, Din snapped his hips forward until he was completely sheathed inside you, his chest shaking with anticipation at the thought of being able to fuck you again.

“Oh kriffing hell you feel so tight around me, so wet and tight and perfect. Can you feel me Cyar'ika? Can you feel how much I burn for you, how much I need you- oh maker, you’re better than what I’ve dreamed of.” He didn’t care what that last admission implied because if it meant putting you at ease then he’d say it over and over again until you believed him. As he thrust into you relentlessly, you didn’t know what else to do except bite down on your forearms and beg for him, not sure if you wanted him to slow down or fuck into you harder.

“Ner...all mine. Don’t want anyone else, ne-never wanted anyone else. You’re it for me Mesh'la. Oh fuck, I could feel you pulling me in deeper sweet girl.” The Mandalorian could feel you shaking beneath him and his chest filled with shameless pride at the thought of knowing he was the one bringing you this much pleasure. He forced himself to keep his eyes open so he could see your dimly-lit body obeying his every command. When he saw you biting down on your hands, he fell forward on top of you and brushed your hair to the side, biting at your shoulder blades as he rutted against you.

“Your sounds belong to me...your sighs, your moans, your fucking pleas. They belong to me so don’t fucking hold back.” Din growled his commands into your neck before wrapping one arm across your sternum while the other maintained its violent hold on your hips to help you meet his thrusts. He pulled back up again and took you with him, continuing to whisper in your ears as he felt your cunt squeezing his cock before pushing it out. Your whole body convulsed in his arms and Din couldn’t believe what he felt rolling down his thighs. He maintained his hold on you as he rammed his dick inside you again, barely managing to turn your head around so he could kiss you.

And as he swallowed your whimpers, he marveled at how much you were willing to give him, feeling his heart skip a beat when he realized you have placed complete trust into his hands and allowed him to do what he wanted. The desperation of wanting to be with you in every possible way drove him mad and he barely recognized his own self when he pulled from your mouth and breathed heavily against your cheek.

“Fuck, ah kriffing hell- I don’t want to leave this cunt...want to fill it up with my cum till you can’t fucking breathe from how full you are. Fucking beautiful, letting me touch you, brand you...breed this tight pussy over and over again.”

“Din I- please...cum for me, I want to f-feel you cum inside me- I need you to- I can’t wait. Oh maker I l-lah ahh-” Din lost his rhythm as soon as he heard what you almost said to him, pushing you down beneath him as he shoved his cock a few times inside you before you felt him pulse against you, hot streams of his cum painting your walls and driving you over the edge one more time before completely stilling. His hips continued to buck against you and you knew he was trying his hardest to ensure you wouldn’t lose a single drop of his seed.

The two of you fell over and you hissed when Din pulled out and turned you over, immediately pushing his softening dick back inside you once he found a comfortable position. You laid your head against his chest and smiled when you heard his heart beat against your cheeks. The two of you sat in silence, with Din drawing patterns on your shoulders while you kissed the scars painting his skin.

It was a while later when you heard him sigh once that you knew what he wanted to say but was reluctant to admit.

“Go ahead, I know you want to ask.” You whispered to him, hoping any loud voice would break the blissful haze and make him turn you away, even though he told you there was no chance of him ever letting you go now.

“I didn’t want to presume I had a right to ask.” He leaned down and kissed your head before wiping away the wet hair from your face.

“You have the right to do anything you want with me, Din.” The Mandalorian was surprised by how matter-of-fact your admission sounded and he couldn’t understand how you made such an amount of trust sound so easy and straightforward.

“What do the Zabraks want with you, Cyar'ika? There are only a few of them around so you must have done something deserving of their attention.” He didn’t want to make it seem like he was judging you and hoped you didn’t misunderstand why he wanted to know.

“I- I may or may not have found an ancient “artifact” that belonged to an important ancestor of theirs...and I may or may not have given it to-” You didn’t know if you should tell him about the mutual friend and felt your chest tighten when he urged you to continue.

“To whom?”

“Ahsoka Tano.” His silence made you nervous and you were about to ask him if he was angry at you for not saying anything but he returned to massaging your back before speaking up again.

“That’s why she recognized you.” You heard his smile when he spoke and felt at ease immediately because he really was much softer than he let on.

“You noticed that did you,” you chuckled against him and hummed in pleasure when he pulled you up to kiss him.

“Did you mean that?” Din asked as he continued to touch every inch of your skin he had access to.

“Hmm?”

“That I have the right to-” He couldn’t finish the sentence because while he knew he meant every word he said, he wasn’t too sure about what you wanted from him.

“Yes, Mando.” Din frowned at your use of his nickname and rolled you under him, ignoring the way you whined as he slipped out of you.

“Don’t...please, sweet girl. Please say my name...when we’re alone.” There were so many promises hiding behind his request and you weren’t sure what you were supposed to say at such a heartfelt admittance.

“Din, I-”

“Did you mean what you said?”

“Anything you want with me, from me...I’m yours Din, always.” You laid your hands on his cheeks and pulled him to your mouth, swirling your tongue against his before tightening your grip around him as you felt him nudge at your entrance.

“Mesh'la...Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum. Ni nu’ru'kir. A Ni vaabir.” His voice was soft as he whispered those words against your lips and you wished to ask him what he was saying but decided to bug him about it later. Right now, you wanted to enjoy the moment and feel his warm skin slide against yours. A part of you, a very small part, hoped he would have a slower stamina because you weren’t sure if you were able to do anything else in the next few hours. But you knew, in your heart, that you would give him anything, and all of you, even if he didn’t ask you to.

Translation (which are not always accurate but I tried):

Doshing - A “derogatory” modifier

Shabuir - extreme insult; "jerk", but much stronger

Waadar Ke'sush' - Pay attention.

Haar'chak - Damn it!

Moof-milker - A term for a dimwitted individual

Pfassk - An adaptable expletive

Ad'ika - Little one

Ni'm Ni ceta, Cyar'ika. - I’m sorry.

Cyar'ika - Darling/Sweetheart

Gedet'ye - Please.

Cyare - Beloved

Vor entye - Thank you

Mesh'la - Beautiful

Ner - Mine

Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum. Ni nu’ru'kir. A Ni vaabir. - I love you. I shouldn’t. But I do.

#The Mandalorian fanfiction #The Mandalorian x Reader #The Mandalorian smut #mando x reader #Mando smut #Mando fanfiction #Din Djarin x Reader #Din Djarin smut #Din Djarin fanfiction #The Mandalorian #Din Djarin #Pedro Pascal #baby yoda #star wars #star wars fanfiction

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somewhatgreatexpectations · 4 years ago

Text

To Die For (Wanda Maximoff/ Reader)

Hello! It is with great joy and a little bit of sadness that I present you all with the final part of “Love Goes”. This part in particular is inspired by Sam Smith’s “To Die For”. Pieces from Endgame are used but very little.

Summary: The aftermath of Endgame, how will Wanda navigate and what will happen to Y/n.

“I long for you, just a touch of your hand. You don't leave my mind. Lonely days I'm feeling like a fool for dreaming… Sunshine living on a perfect day while my world's crashing down.”

Hope. That was all Wanda had left. She knew that she couldn’t let it waver for even a moment. Allowing the hope within her to waver would be the same as accepting defeat. Accepting that you weren’t coming back. That was something she would never allow herself to believe.

Like you told her, you and her were a happy ending. It’s the only ending she could ever envision for herself. The only life she wanted. The only life she’d accept. You and her. Together. Happily.

It had only been a week since the fateful battle and you had been transferred to a S.W.O.R.D. facility since. What worried Wanda most was that you still hadn’t woken up and hadn’t shown much progression since arriving.

She could still feel you though.

Wanda would allow herself glimpses into your mind and could see the vibrancy that still existed within. Your heart was still beating, and your mind was still your own. Even if you weren’t awake, you were still you.

The thought brought comfort to Wanda despite the circumstances. It kept hope alive in her heart.

It was only a matter of time until you were awake and in her arms again. At least that’s what she kept telling herself.

The situation could have been worse though and she knew that. Shortly after you were transferred to the facility she learned the full details of how exactly Thanos was defeated. How Tony and Natasha had given their lives in exchange for the outcome. As much as the news saddened her, she couldn’t help but feel a selfish sense of relief that you hadn’t been dealt the same fate.

Her life – her heart - felt as though it was hanging in the balance. You were all she had. All she wanted. If she lost you she knew there would be no recovery for her. She’d drown. Sink to the bottom with no chance of resurfacing if you weren’t there to pull her back up.

The warmth of your hand in her own anchored her. It always did, but not as much as being in your arms, or hearing your voice. “I’m drowning.” She whispered against your hand. “I’m drowning, Y/n. I need to hear your voice, see you open your eyes, and have you hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay. I’m drowning, and you can’t save me until you wake up.” Her lips trembled slightly against your hand as a single tear fell down her cheek.

The days and nights had blurred together for her. Both of which were spent unwaveringly at your side. The only disruptions often came in the form of varying people in the facility checking your vitals or injecting new medications into your IV that they informed her should wake you up soon.

Besides the worry and fear she constantly felt, there was a sense of bitterness that the only one who had come to see you or her during your time in the facility was Fury. That was only when you were still at S.H.I.E.L.D’s location. It was upsetting to her that Steve had yet to visit you considering the history you two shared and how close you two had always been. Considering how you had been willing to risk your life for him on multiple occasions.

Today was Tony’s funeral and she was reluctantly leaving your side to pay her respects for a short while. Also, to give Rogers a piece of her mind.

When the funeral concluded she wandered over to the lake to collect her thoughts and emotions. Taking in the beautiful day around her, a stark contrast to how she felt internally. The perfect day felt wrong when it still felt like her world was crashing down within her.

As she was staring out the lake, preparing herself for what she wanted to tell Steve, Clint walked up to her. “Hey, kid.”

Wanda kept a neutral face and merely nodded at him. “Hello.”

There was hesitation in the way Clint stopped at her side. “You have every right to not want to talk to me right now.” He began seriously, his head ducked shamefully. “I wanted to go visit Y/n… Check on you. I did. I just-… It’s been hard accepting that Nat’s gone, you know? It’s not an excuse for not being there. It’s just where my head was. I’m sorry, Wanda.”

As much as Wanda wanted to ignore him, she knew she couldn’t. “I understand.” She replied softly, her gaze still on the lake before her.

“I wish there was a way that I could let her know that we won. That we did it.” Clint admitted quietly to her.

Wanda shifted her gaze to him. “She knows.” There was a small pause. “They both do.” Despite not being awake, she liked to believe that you knew.

Clint wrapped a comforting arm around her and she leaned into the embrace.

“Wanda.” A somber voice caught her attention as she turned to find Steve standing there with his hands folded behind his back. “A word?”

Clearly not wanting to be caught in the crossfire, Clint stepped back. “I think that’s my cue to go.” He pressed a kiss to the top of Wanda’s head. “I’ll do better, okay? Let me know if you need anything. I’ll be by to visit Y/n soon.” Wanda nodded slightly at his words as he walked away.

When Clint was out of the vicinity, Steve stepped into his place. Wanda’s jaw clenched. She was more upset at him than anyone. She knew if roles were reversed you would have been uncompromisingly by his side.

“What do you want?” She asked, her tone cold.

Steve’s face remained neutral despite her tone. “How is she?”

A bitter laugh escaped her lips at his question. “How is she?” she shook her head in disbelief. “You have a lot of nerve asking that when you’ve had a whole week to go see for yourself.”

A heavy sigh escaped his lips. “Look, Wanda, I understand you’re upset with me but I-“

Wanda rounded on him, her eyes livid. “Upset? I am far passed upset, Rogers. I’m furious. Y/n needed you and you abandon her. She would have done anything for you! She idolized you!”

Each of Wanda’s words impacted Steve, she could see that, but she didn’t stop. He took it. “She thought you were her family and you couldn’t even be bothered to go see for yourself if she’s okay! You don’t even care-“

“Enough! That’s not true!” Steve roared. The accusation that he didn’t care seemingly being the final straw. Wanda recoiled in surprise. “I feel guilty, okay? I feel like the only reason that she’s in there in the first place is because of me. I couldn’t face her. I didn’t deserve to.” His volume didn’t lower as the emotions he was holding in finally boiled over.

“You know she wouldn’t have blamed you.” Wanda eventually replied, her tone still clipped.

Steve rubbed a hand down his face. “I know, but I do. I blame myself. She was trying to protect me, and she only felt like she had to protect me because I couldn’t stop him the first time. She got hurt because I couldn’t get to her fast enough. She’s my family too.”

As much as she wanted to be angry with him, she found it much more difficult when she learned of the guilt that seemed to be weighing heavily on him. “You know Y/n would have done that either way.” She confessed quietly. “She would have tried to stop him regardless of who she was defending. That’s who she is.”

A weak nod was his only response. Wanda wasn’t sure if he believed her. “How has she been?” Steve repeated, hoping for a genuine answer this time.

“She still hasn’t woken up.” Wanda began unsteadily. “They keep injecting her with new serums everyday saying that each one will wake her up, but it never does.”

Steve closed his eyes at the information, his expression distressed for just a moment until he schooled his features and put on a brave face for Wanda. “She’s going to wake up. I know she will.”

Hearing the words she had been telling herself from someone else brought Wanda a small sense of comfort. “I know she will too.” She turned to him. “I’m going to get back to her now, she needs me. Go see her.”

“I will.” He nodded firmly, his words definitive. “I have to return the stones in an hour and try and see if I can undo something. As soon as I do that I’ll be immovably by her side. I’ll stay with you until she wakes up. You have my word. She has my word.” There was purpose in his voice.

Wanda quirked her lips up slightly at him and nodded without a word. She knew he meant what he said. She walked off to her car to begin the drive back to S.W.O.R.D’s medical branch of the facility. ___________________ Her heart dropped when she entered your room, only to be met with an empty bed. On numb legs, she ran out and stopped the first worker she saw. “Y/n Y/ln. Where is she? She was here just an hour ago.”

The employee looked around nervously. “She’s been moved. I believe it would be in your best interest to speak to the director.”

Wanda’s brow furrowed in confusion. “The director? Why?”

“His office is located on the second floor, third door on the left.” The employee informed her meekly before scurrying away.

Practically running, Wanda reached the office in minutes, throwing the door open. “Ms. Maximoff.” The man who she presumed to be the director greeted her, an unnerving smile on his face.

“Where is she?” Wanda demanded, not caring about anything other than being reunited with you. “Is-is she okay?” Anxiety began to build within her and press against her chest making it harder for her to breath. Her nails dug into her palms.

The man gestured for her to sit in an empty chair, she ignored the request. “My name is Tyler Hayward. I am the director of S.W.O.R.D.”

Wanda merely stared blankly back at him, her jaw clenched tightly. “Where. Is. Y/n?” She enunciated sharply, her patience fading.

The unnerving smile never faltered on Hayward’s face. “That is the unfortunate part, Ms. Maximoff. You see, while you were gone Ms. Y/ln suffered from some brain hemorrhaging. We were able to stop it, but it seems her brain has suffered an extensive amount of damage. We ran some tests and it appears she has lost all cognitive function. She is just a shell now. She only has another day or two at best. I’m sorry.”

Wanda’s world stopped at his words. She immediately shook her head. “That’s not true.” She said shakily as tears began streaming down her cheeks, the weight on her chest getting heavier, forcing her under. She couldn’t breathe. “That’s not true. Let me see her.”

Hayward gestured forward to the large window in his office. “They’re running some tests on her now, but so far the data has remained conclusive. There is no longer brain function.” Numbly Wanda walked up to the large window and glanced down, feeling the life drain from her at the sight of you. Pale and on what looked like an experimentation table, surrounded by several S.W.O.R.D. scientists. “I’m afraid it’s time to start talking about letting her go.”

Wanda spun around to face him angrily. “Let her go?” she cried, her voice cracking. “She’s all I have.”

Hayward held his hands up slightly. “It’s only a matter of days before she’s unable to breathe on her own and her heart stops being.”

Empty. That’s what she felt at his words. She wanted to scream. Her powers reacted to the emotion she was feeling before her mind did as the glass she was leaning on shattered. Without hesitation she floated down to where you were. Her heart hammering in her chest the closer she got.

The world around her went dark and the only sight she was able to take in was the way your chest weakly rose and fell with each breath. With shaking hands, she raised them to your temple as feeble wisps of red floated from her fingertips and disappeared into your mind.

All she saw was darkness.

“I can’t feel you.” She whispered brokenly, the pain in her chest overcoming her. The sensation composing her entire being as everything within her collapsed. She was alone, and she knew she wouldn’t recover. Then everything went dark around her. ________________________________

“Darling, have you seen my notebook? I’m running late for my meeting with my editor and I can’t seem to find it anywhere.” You questioned hastily as you rushed into the kitchen and skidded to a halt in the entry way. Looking around the area with a frazzled expression on your face.

Wanda looked over from her place by the stove and waved her hand, the notebook floating from under your arm to directly in front of your face. “You mean this one, dear?” She asked with an amused smile.

Sheepishly you plucked the notebook out of the air as you made your way over to her. “What would I do without you?” You leaned forward so your lips rested gently against her own.

“Mmm,” Wanda mumbled with a smile as she spoke against your lips. Her arms resting comfortably over your shoulders. “I believe your mind would fail you, sweetheart.”

Your hands fell to her waist as you pulled her closer. “That’s for certain.” You replied easily with a loving smile. “Have I told you how beautiful you look today?”

A small blush spread over her cheeks. “You have not but thank you. You look beautiful as well, darling. I’m beginning to get jealous that your editor gets to spend the day in your presence. Speaking of…” she trailed off and glanced pointedly at the clock.

“My meeting!” Your eyes widened as you pressed one last loving kiss to her lips. “I’ll be going now. I love you, darling. I’ll be home soon!” You shouted as you began running out.

Wanda shook her head at you, the smile on her face never faltering. “I love you, too, dear!” She called after you, pretending to catch the kiss you blew to her as you rushed out the door. She sighed happily and leaned against the wall of the kitchen.

The end.

. . . . . .

“Glad you were able to make it, Rogers.” Fury said seriously as he shook Steve’s hand. “And Ms. Romanoff. Welcome back.” He shook her hand as well.

Steve nodded easily in response. “Of course. You know that I’d be here in a heartbeat for Y/n. Wanda as well.” Both followed Fury into a large make-shift tent located in the woods.

“What exactly are we dealing with?” Natasha asked, confusion lacing her words.

For a moment Fury seemed to ponder her question. “We’re not entirely sure.”

“Does Wanda even know that she saved Y/n? That she was never gone?” Steve questioned seriously, his arms crossed as he stared at the screen before him.

Fury shook his head. “No. It seems Hayward convinced Wanda that Y/n was gone, no brain function. What Wanda didn’t know was he had gone rogue. Every serum they injected in Y/n kept her in her comatose state rather than attempt to wake her up like they were telling Wanda. I’ve looked at the files that my inside contacts gave me, and it seems Y/n should have been up in the first day or two to recover from minor brain swelling.”

“Why are they doing this though?” Natasha questioned as she looked over the chart. Steve’s jaw was clenched as he listened to each detail.

Taking the chart from Natasha, Fury turned the pages until he found what he was looking for and handed it back to Natasha. “Right there. It seems that Y/n carries a rare mutant gene that they could extract and essentially build an army with. They believed that if they removed Wanda from the picture they could continue the experiments and eventually wipe Y/n’s memory to use her as a weapon. Turn her into a super solider… but much worse because of her powers.” There was an edge to his tone. “They are very interested in her ability to manipulate earth and metal. They had considered Wanda briefly as well, but the perfect opportunity presented itself with Y/n. That’s why they insisted on her transfer to their facility.”

“How do we get them back before Hayward gets to them?” Steve questioned quietly, a dangerous tone to his voice.

Instead of answering Fury gestured to the woman who had been sitting and listening to the conversation. “Wanda isn’t letting anyone with ties to your past in. Fury already tried. She won’t let you or Natasha in.” They both stared at her. “I didn’t introduce myself. Sorry, my name is Darcy Lewis. Astrophysics. Big fan.” The bespectacled woman rambled.

Natasha smirked, an amused glint in her eye. “Okay, Darcy Lewis, what’s our next step?”

“We’ll do whatever it takes.” Steve finished powerfully as they all watched you and Wanda share a sweet kiss before the credits began to roll on the screen before them.

Well, that’s all folks! 13 parts completed! It’s been a journey writing this and it is by far the longest thing I’ve ever written. This story has become my baby and it always brings me so much joy to read your comments and seeing others enjoy it. I had a plan for this chapter since the moment I began writing this story but it was so hard when it came down to writing because of the most recent episode of Wandavision, so I tweaked it a little. Was it a sadder or happier ending? You may never know. Thank you all so much for taking this journey with me. I hope you enjoyed.

As always, thoughts and comments always welcome. :)

p.s. I brought back Steve and Nat but I couldn’t figure out how to make Tony surviving make sense or fit the story, sorry. Still love Tony.

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hidden-world-if · 3 years ago

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What are the ROs reaction to getting random gifts like shiny rocks, sketch’s, etc from the MC? This totally isn’t a heavy self insert bc my love language is giving gifts.

Aster/Astrid: They wouldn’t understand it at first but they’d definitely appreciate it. You’d notice that some of the gifts were proudly displayed in their room, on their person, or somewhere they can easily see it. They’d definitely try to find something the MC likes to gift back. As they’re one to always show thanks in whatever way they can; usually with the same action that they’re saying thank you for.

Frey/Freya: Would be really shy about it but they’d gift the MC a poem in return. As they’re much better with written word than they are spoken. They just hope that they’re thankfulness truly shows within it. They’d also stumble through a heartfelt thanks as they try to navigate through their feelings.

Erik/Erika: Has been around traders for their entire life but they’d never think of giving up the presents you’ve given them. As they’re now more precious than gold or silver. Gems and various other things holding no contest with your gifts. So you’d definitely see them trying to figure out what to give you in return.

Kol/Kara: Their eyes would soften immediately when they found out it was you. Taking great care to put their gifts/trinkets in a safe place for it to not get harmed. You’d definitely notice the slight smile they offer you whenever they see you now. Something that means a lot coming from them.

Espen: They wouldn’t react outwardly at first. To the point where you might think that they don’t really care about the gifts at all. Only to later find out that whenever they’re pranks go off your house, and the areas you frequent, have been left out of the crossfire. As they don’t want to possibly hurt a place that means so much to you.

#hidden world #aster #astrid #frey #freya #erik #erika #kol #kara #espen #anonymous #asks #ask #gift giving

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ink-on-the-brink · 3 years ago

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Okay yes sorry for like putting in another but my goodness you’re great!! I hope it’s okay if I ask another but like, what would happen if the guys of your choice saw their partner hurt? Platonic or romantic up to you (:

No problem at all! Ideas are always welcome. Especially since I've had a bit of time on my hands! (aka I'm procrastinating on my other stories but shh)

Anyway! Here's Engie, Scout, and Soldier when their S/O is hurt because I put names onto a wheel and they popped up so yeah.

These are gonna be general headcannons that can be taken as either romatic or platonic.

Engie

If Hurt By Your Own Stupidity

Chances are you were messing around with a machine he told you not to touch.

If it's a small injury he'll scold you, telling you to listen to him next time. He won't help you. You have to learn your lesson somehow and if that means you have to drag your way to Medic, embarrassing yourself in the process, then so be it.

If it's a rather big injury he'll be rightfully angry. He's picking you up and carrying you to Medic with a string of mumbled curses at how stupid you had been and that you're lucky he was watching otherwise you might be dead. Even though he's angry you can still see the very clear concern on his face. Once you're all fixed up he's not letting you into his workshop for a while and becomes rather paranoid every time you have to.

He just doesn't want to see you hurt over a machine he built. He would probably never forgive himself if that's the way you ended up dying.

If Hurt By Something Else

Probably while helping him. Grabbing tools, maybe fixing up some wires if you're experienced enough.

Small injuries happen all the time. I mean you're messing around with electric wires and sharp objects here, it isn't exactly the safest thing. He always has an extra medkit in the room and won't hesitate to help you with a small cut or electric burn.

Larger injuries are an entirely different story. He goes blank, immediately carrying you to Medic. He won't leave until he knows you're 100% fine and afterward he'll be deathly quiet. You can see rather clearly that he blamed himself for you getting hurt and that he wasn't about to just forgive himself for it. Afterward he has a hard time letting you help again and finds excuses for you to do something else.

It might just be better if you stick to smaller ways of helping, not just for your own sake, but his.

If Hurt In Battle

If he sees it happen he knows it's better to ignore it. That's what happens in battle and at least during battle you guys have respawn. He'll most likely move his dispenser to where you are to help you out as best he can. He likely won't think twice about what happened...

That is unless whoever hurt you did so in a rather cruel way, enjoying seeing you in pain rather than working to complete an objective.

If that happens the person who harmed you becomes his main target. He won't compromise the battle with the urgency to kill them but it's pretty obvious that given the choice between them and killing anyone else, he'll choose them.

If he were to get close enough, and no one else is around, he'd hurt them and then just kinda sit there, letting them be in pain a moment while he maybe sets up one of his machines. If caught doing this he has about a hundred likely excuses. It was a Spy and he didn't want to deal with his dead ringer, he thought they were dead, another person came along that he had to deal with, pretty much never getting caught for doing it. Basically one of the only things that keeps him calm when he sees you hurt is the thought that he's going to make them suffer later.

Engie's a calm man but that doesn't mean he doesn't know how to dish out revenge or hold grudges.

If Hurt By Someone On The Team

Ooooh boy, this isn't going to end well.

It was most likely not meant to be you who got hurt. Being Engies right hand(or left hand rather)meant you always helped him to de-escalate fights. Which meant you were probably only hurt in the crossfire.

That, however, does not stop the anger flowing through Engies veins.

A small thing is enough to get him angry. He rarely yells but in that case he will, silencing everyone immediately before going on an absolute tirade about how stupid they were all being. At this point people would be shocked enough to stop, meaning the goal was achieved but not without some sacrifice.

If you get really harmed though...

Engie's a calm man but he has limits. That just so happens to be one of them. He won't even stop the fight. He's immediately taking you to get fixed up. It's afterward that the consequences come.

He will talk to whoever was involved alone. No one's sure what happens but no matter who ends up seeing that side of Engie they always come out a bit shaken up and not willing to talk about it, though seemingly unharmed.

It's likely to never happen but if it does everyone will become just a little bit more cautious when around him or you.

Scout

If Hurt By Your Own Stupidity

You were trying to toss a baseball as high as you could into the air and catch it to try and impress him.

If it only managed to hit just a little bit of sense into you, aka your throw is weak, then he'll most definitely laugh, telling you to leave it up to the professionals.

If you managed to knock yourself out because your toss was godly but your catch was dogshit then he'd burst out laughing for a good five minutes. It's only after his laughing fit that he thought to help you. You'd have to give him a matching bump to keep his mouth shut about it.

If Hurt By Something Else

You two were probably setting up a prank and something went wrong along the way.

If only a little hurt he'd hold in a laugh and ask if you were alright, to which you'd glare at his hidden grin and say you were fine.

If you were actually hurt he'd go into a bit of a panic, quickly bringing you to Medic. The two of you most defiantly had to lie to get away with what you two had been doing. Unfortunately you were both really bad liars. Medic wasn't convinced but he also didn't care, thankfully.

You'd often bring up how scared he looked when you got hurt every time he tried to act like he didn't care about you that much. It never failed to get his tongue stumbling.

If Hurt In Battle

He's not one to care about a few bumps and scratches. He'll likely tell you to try to be as tough as him(he saids as he calls for medic over a splinter). He sees his job more as a game then a battle so it's rare he holds a grudge against anyone. He's maybe a bit more competitive from that point foward but not obsessively so.

Larger injuries and he's quick (litteraly) to dive into the heat of battle to help. More than often he ends up dead beside you but when he does manage to save you he's super macho about it. He'll say stuff about how much you needed him and how you'd never survive a day without him Even though most of the times you're the one pulling him out of those situations...

Just let him have his moment.

If Hurt By Someone On The Team

It was most definitely because you had annoyed someone, most likely Soldier or Heavy. This happens quite often.

If it looks like you're winning the fight he'll cheer you on. No need for him to get involved if you've got it handled.

If something really starts to go down though, he's on your side. There isn't a time where only one of you was beaten to shit, it always had to be the both of you.

Soldier

If Hurt By Your Own Stupidity

You were trying to rocket jump.

Literally just...Why did you think you could do that?

A small injury and Soldier won't even acknowledge it. Be that a bloody nose or a sprained ankle he's going to act as if you were perfectly fine, mostly because he seldom felt pain anymore and he had a hard time trying to recognize it in other people.

If severely hurt he's most likely going to explain to you everything you did wrong and you'll have to either scream for Medic or wait until he carries you there after his lecture.

You do dumb shit you deal with the consequences.

If Hurt By Something Else

Likely a sparring match that got out of hand or possibly a malfunction of a rather precariosly built weapon.

A small injury and he isn't going to care. If you make a big deal out of it he'll tell you to 'man up' and deal with it though it's more so in good fun rather than antagonism.

A large injury though and he's quick to help. He's calling for Medic and asking you to count how many fingers he's holding up. You'll say three, he'll begin to panic, saying that you must have broken your eyes.

He was, in fact, holding up three fingers...

Just don't question it

If Hurt In Battle

Small injuries are victories to him. If you're not at least a little banged up then are you really in a war?

If you for some reason can't walk though he's the first person at your side. Doesn't matter how many bullets he takes as long as you're brought to safety. He'll say something to the effect of 'don't die on me soldier! No, I am not talking to myself!'

After you're taken care of it's revenge time. He's gonna rack up a killing streak, your injury giving him the last bit of encouragement to win the round most of the time.

If Hurt By Someone On The Team

Defending honor! Whether it's yours or his, you are there to defend it and if that means getting a bit rough in the process then so be it.

If you're less injured than whoever you're fighting then, like Scout, He's cheering you on with probably a few insults to the other person as well.

If it looks more like you're losing he's still not going to intervene. He believes in you! You've got this!

If you end up knocked out though he's going to beat the shit out of whoever it was that defeated you. For your honor! (And because he just likes a reason to beat people up)

#tf2 #reader x tf2 #tf2 x reader #engie #soldier #scout #tf2 engie #tf2 scout #tf2 soldier

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cherienymphe · 4 years ago

Text

Crossfire V (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Warnings: NON-CON, kidnapping, domestic violence, biker!Bucky, side of Steve x reader

PLEASE DNI IF ANY OF THIS OFFENDS YOU

➥ divider by @firefly-graphics

summary: You and your new husband Steve move back to his hometown. It is here that his past catches up with him, and you both pay the price.

You were awake long before Steve was, and the minutes spent waiting for him to follow suit were spent in fear. Your limbs ached, neck tender, and you just knew that bruises littered your skin. The cool air that hit your bare skin made you tremble, but the way your husband’s arm was thrown over you might’ve also had something to do with it.

If you closed your eyes, you could still feel his harsh grip, hear his labored breathing, recall the unrelenting way in which he thrust into you.

“Steve-.”

A choked gasp escaped you as he pushed into you, and your mouth parted in shock and horror. His forearm was pressed into your shoulder blades, holding you in place as he thrust into you, anger behind every push of his hips. His lips were at your ear, and you hadn’t even realized that you were crying, borderline sobbing at what was happening to you.

“I know you’re scared,” he murmured, breathing uneven.

“Please…”

“...but I’m going to protect you. He’s not going to get to you...ever again.”

He groaned, and you squeezed your eyes shut. Was this really happening?

“...but trying to leave like that...that’s not okay, sweetheart, and I want you to remember that that’s never okay.”

You clawed at the sheets, toes barely grazing the floor as the sound of slapping skin filled the room, accompanied by your cries and your husband’s harsh breathing.

You were afraid that if you dared to move, you would wake him up and who knows what that would bring. You couldn’t find it in yourself to accept what he’d done. You couldn’t say it. It seemed unfathomable and yet...it’s what happened. Against your better judgement, you shifted beneath him, pushing yourself into a sitting position.

He shifted, but did not stir beyond that, and you pressed your feet to the cool floor. You were shaking, stomach churning as you fought to figure out where to go from here. If you didn’t feel safe here before, you definitely didn’t now. What were you to do when the danger inside of your home was just as bad, if not worse, than the danger outside?

You had just moved to get out of bed when you felt fingers dig into your arm, a familiar hand wrapping around the appendage. You froze as Steve shifted, his body heat immediately surrounding you as he pressed his chest to your back. You were completely still as his nose skimmed your neck, sharply inhaling.

“Where are you going?” he murmured.

“Just to the bathroom,” you shakily replied.

He didn’t respond, holding onto you for a moment longer before letting you go. You felt Steve’s eyes on you as you got up. You swore you could feel the heat of his gaze even as you shut the door. You would have preferred to stay in there forever, but you couldn’t, and he was sitting up in bed when you returned. He reached for you, and with hesitation, you approached him.

He pulled you into his arms, forcing you onto his lap as he pressed his lips to the skin just under your jaw. He hummed, nose brushing over your cheek while your gaze remained on the floor.

“I’m sorry I got so rough last night,” he said, completely watering down what actually happened.

You frowned at this.

“...but you have to understand how scared I was, how hurt I was.”

“Steve-.”

“You were just going to...leave me…”

“I asked you to come with me! I begged you!”

“Y/N-.”

“No! You are not the one Bucky is constantly tormenting and touching and threatening. It’s me. I’m the one who is taking the brunt of your mistake, and it seems like you just aren’t getting the severity of this situation. Or you just don’t care.”

“Hey,” he snapped, pinching your chin between his fingers, blue eyes narrowed and on you. “Don’t ever say that.”

“Then what else am I supposed to think? I feel like I don’t know you anymore…”

Steve opened his mouth to interrupt you but you continued before he could.

“I don’t feel safe out there, in here-.”

“All I’ve done is try to protect you,” he hissed.

Now it was your turn to glare at him.

“You brought me here. You dragged me into this with no type of warning. You’ve accused me of the most awful things, and you raped me-!”

Your words died in your throat as Steve suddenly stood, forcing you to stand with him. His eyes were hard as he looked down his nose at you, jaw clenching as you fought to hold his gaze.

“Raped you?” he quietly demanded, as if he was in disbelief that you’d say such a thing.

You didn’t respond, still somewhat shocked that you’d had the courage to actually say it outloud, and to his face no less.

“You think I raped you?” he questioned, taking a step towards you.

“Steve-.”

“We were both angry and confused and scared last night. Things got out of hand,” he slowly said, and you shook your head.

“Not only did you drag me back like I was an animal, but you held me down and-.”

“I am your husband.”

You stumbled back at both his sudden close proximity and his words, brows furrowing.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Language-.”

“Fuck your language, Steve! You think because you’re my husband that means you can just have sex with me whenever you want? This isn’t the 50s, you know! We call that rape, now.”

“We were both angry-.”

“You were angry! I was scared! I just wanted to get somewhere safe, and how did you handle that? By manhandling me and forcing yourself onto me,” you breathed.

“You make me sound like some kind of predator,” he scoffed.

You wrapped your arms around yourself, mulling over his response. Steve...wasn’t that. No, he was your husband, but that didn’t make what happened any less true. Rapists could be friends...and lovers. He suddenly sighed, reaching for you but you backed away. You didn’t want to talk about this anymore, didn’t want to be around him, and so you murmured something about being hungry and left.

It was a Saturday, so Steve remained home much to your displeasure. He tried to pull you into light conversations several times, but you barely cooperated, giving him one word responses. The air in the house was thick with tension, and you didn’t know when nor how it would eventually break.

Steve was your husband. You loved him still...but you were terrified of him at the same time. Was that possible? He’d slowly revealed a side of himself that you never knew existed. A side that, if you were being honest with yourself, had you known existed, you never would've married him. This is not what “for better or for worse” meant. He’d slowly revealed his true self to the point where it boiled over in the worst way possible.

You could feel his gaze on you throughout the day as you did meaningless tasks. Unpacking a box here, wiping down a mirror there, you were just going through the motions of trying to distract yourself. It was no use though. Bucky’s words and his threat remained in your mind, and you wondered what Steve would do to try and rectify the situation.

You wondered what you would do to try and rectify the situation.

You couldn’t stay here. Even if a figurative clock wasn’t ticking, it just wasn’t safe. Unlike before, where you felt guilty about leaving Steve, now you wanted to get away from him more than anything. You needed to sort out your thoughts about your husband, figure out what you wanted to do about this marriage. Steve was not who you thought he was, and it was sinking in more and more that you married a stranger.

You had suspicions that, based off of your own reaction last night, Steve might wait until you were asleep to do what he felt needed to be done. It was fairly early when you decided to take a shower and call it a night. You hadn’t counted on Steve being there when you exited the bathroom, a small smile on his face. You approached him, albeit reluctantly, and he pulled you to stand between his legs as he sat on the bed.

“I just wanted to make sure that we’re okay. I hate the thought of you going to bed angry with me…”

You looked away, noting that he seemed to have no problem with that last night.

“We’re...okay,” you quietly lied.

Steve tilted his head at you, looking unconvinced before he eventually sighed, opting to choose his battles. He stood, fingers tracing patterns into your arms before placing a kiss on your lips. He rested his forehead against yours, holding you close.

“I love you.”

You looked to him with a slight frown, swallowing with a small nod.

“I love you too.”

Somehow, that wasn’t a lie, but it didn’t negate the fact that he terrified you now. He tucked you into bed, seemingly reluctant to go. He left you with one last kiss on your cheek, and you released a shaky breath, eyes trained on the ceiling. You didn’t know how long you remained like that, but after some time had passed, and you heard Steve’s steps on the stairs, you turned over and feigned sleep just as he peeked in.

It was another long while before you heard the front door open and shut, the sound of his car starting not far behind. You waited 5 minutes before changing into the first thing your hands touched. You grabbed your purse and keys as soon as you made it downstairs, and forced yourself to sprint out of the door. At this point, all you needed was identification and money, taking only what would allow you to get away the fastest.

Part of you worried about what Steve was possibly going to do, worried that he’d get hurt, but that was something that could be worried about tomorrow. Steve had made his choice, and you’d made yours to get away from a man you once thought you knew.

The smalltown road was empty of any other cars, not even a bike. As your hands gripped the wheel, you fought with yourself over whether or not you were doing the right thing. You kept feeling like you were making a mistake, but what choice did you really have? You hadn’t even made it out of the city limits when lights on your dash started blinking.

You frowned as your car slowed, and you barely had enough to pull onto the side of the road. You had never been knowledgeable with cars, but all of those lights lit up on your dash couldn’t have been good. It was only a few seconds more before your car gave out entirely, and your shoulders sagged as you leaned back in your seat. What were you going to do?

Your only option was to walk back home and pray you made it before Steve did, but that would defeat the whole purpose of this. You couldn’t go back to Steve, right now, and the predicament that you found yourself in made your eyes water. Even if you did decide to walk back, that alone was dangerous. Steve wasn’t the only threat to you.

As if your luck couldn’t get any worse, or perhaps as if this was all planned, you heard the roar of motorcycles in the distance. Your eyes widened, heart sinking as you glanced in the rearview mirror. Panic gripped you, and your mind whirled. You were a sitting duck. If you stayed in the car, even tried to hide in the back or something, you’d be found. If you left the car and tried to run, you’d be caught up to in no time.

Vision blurry from tears, you stumbled out of the car and fell to your knees. There was nothing on either side of you. No trees, no ditches, no anything. With a struggle, you maneuvered underneath your car, and the strong smell of gas confirmed your suspicions that this was planned. You knew it wasn’t Steve, and you wondered just when had Bucky, or one of his goons, tampered with your car.

The closer the bikes got, the harder you shook. You bit your lip, swallowing down your sobs and quieting your harsh breathing. As expected, they stopped around your car, what sounded like at least 3 bikes surrounding the vehicle. The night was quiet as they cut the engines, and you flinched when you heard your window shatter. You stared at the dark boots in front of you, listening as someone hummed.

“She’s not here.”

You didn’t recognize the voice as neither Sam, Clint, or Bucky. You wondered if it was the blond from yesterday or someone else entirely. You heard more footsteps, these heavier, frustration in every movement. Somehow, you knew that this was Bucky.

“She didn’t get far. Find her,” he snapped, making you squeeze your eyes shut.

You heard engines start before the sound grew fainter as the bikes pulled away. You glanced around, noting that two pairs of boots remained. More tears fell, and you silently prayed that they would leave too.

“Tony just texted me. Said that Steve left a gift for you back at the bar.”

It was Clint. His words made you frown, and you could faintly hear the siren of a fire truck in the distance, and you hoped that it wasn’t related.

“What do you think he’ll do when he finds her gone?”

You watched Bucky’s feet as he slowly walked around the vehicle, seemingly deep in thought.

“Nothing that’ll be of any consequence to me,” he hummed. “She’ll be in my grasp by then.”

His words made your stomach turn, and your food threatened to come back up when a hand suddenly closed around your arm, yanking at you. A scream flew from your lips, tears falling faster now as Bucky dragged you from underneath the car with ease.

“Isn’t that right, doll?”

You struggled in his hold, fighting against him as he pressed your back against your car. He pinned you there, blue eyes somehow both cold and amused as he gazed at you. A smirk was on his pink lips, and his nose brushed against yours.

“I’ll admit, you almost had me,” he breathed.

You heard Clint scoff from beside you.

“Shit, she had me,” he tutted.

Bucky tilted his head to the side, studying you as you shook in his hold.

“The car was still warm...and I knew there was no way you’d gotten that far that quick. I’ll congratulate you for your efforts though.”

“Please…”

His eyes lit up, and he grinned.

“Do you beg for Steve like that?”

You pushed against him, and he only shoved you against your car harder.

“I still have 2 days,” you shakily told him, and he tsk’d at you.

“See,” he started, leaning in as he pressed his hands onto the vehicle beside your head. “You were in the process of trying to skip out on our little deal. Didn’t even have the balls to give me an answer to my face. I take that as an insult.”

You frantically shook your head, moving to dip underneath his arm, but he caught you with a laugh.

“Easy, easy,” he hummed, holding you against his chest as he turned you to face Clint.

You were a sobbing mess, fighting to get out of his hold, on the verge of what you were sure was a panic attack. The other man was dampening a cloth with something you were too scared to name, and it was only when he neared did you finally let out a blood-curdling scream. Bucky’s hand fisted into your hair, yanking you back as a dark chuckle escaped him.

“Shut her up, Clint.”

He pressed the rag onto your face, holding it still even as you shook your head back and forth. Bucky’s hold was firm, and you were forced into darkness with the sound of Bucky’s breathing in your ear.

You woke up to a quiet room. You couldn’t say the same for the rest of the house, but the room that you were in was quiet and dark. You were on a bed, more comfortable than you expected considering. The only light came in through the window from the moon, and you used it to reach out and turn on the lamp.

It was a rather large room, consisting of what you assumed was a bathroom and closet. The bed was a king, big enough for 3 people, and there were a few extra pieces of furniture that decorated the place too. You shook as you slowly spun, only realizing after a moment that it wasn’t just from nerves.

You looked down, fingering the short nightie you’d been put into. It barely reached the middle of your thighs, and you shook some more at the cleavage it displayed. You wrapped your arms around yourself, struggling to hold in a sob just as the doorknob turned. You stumbled back into the nightstand as Bucky entered the room, closing the door behind him.

He ran his eyes over you, the blue of them so much like Steve’s that it made your heart ache for multiple reasons. He didn’t even attempt to hide his perusal, ignoring your outstretched hands as he continued to approach you.

“That’s some ugly bruising on your neck,” he noted. “I know it’s not from me.”

You didn’t respond, opting instead for looking away, and you heard him laugh.

“I take it Steve finally showed his true colors. That’s unfortunate.”

He didn’t sound like it was unfortunate at all, and you found yourself glaring at him.

“You don’t seem like the type who likes it rough-.”

He cut himself off as you swung at him, and he simply caught your wrist with a smirk. His blue eyes twinkled, cheek twitching a bit as he tightened his hold on you, making you wince. He walked forward until he was only a hair’s width away, and your face crumbled as his grip became painful, your entire arm protesting.

“Do you realize where you are? The kind of position you’re in?” he murmured.

The acknowledgement that you were in a foreign environment, surrounded by God knows who, cornered by a man who’d been hellbent on tormenting you for weeks...it was too much. Tears spilled over, and Bucky pushed until the nightstand was digging into your back.

“You don’t have a friend here. Not even an ally. Everyone here answers to me…”

You trembled as he stared you down.

“...that means I could bend you over right now and fuck you until you can’t even scream anymore and not one person would lift a finger to stop me.”

He slowly dragged his eyes over your scantily clad frame, body shaking so hard it was a wonder you were still standing. His smirk grew, lips curving upwards even more as his eyes met yours again, amusement dripping from them.

“...but I have a feeling Steve already beat me to it.”

“Fuck you,” you quietly spat, anger and disgust and fear swirling inside of you at his taunting.

His smirk suddenly fell, hand quickly gripping your neck as he pulled you into him. His lips moved against yours so fiercely it hurt. You whimpered against his mouth, unable to move from in between him and the nightstand, powerless to his hungry assault. His other hand dug into your arm, fingers pressing into your bare skin so painfully it burned. You whimpered, heart jumping in your heaving chest as he had his way with you, teeth harshly nipping at your lip, drawing blood. When he eventually pulled away, you were struggling to catch your breath, and you stared at him with wide eyes.

His own chest was heaving, eyes blazing with both anger and hunger, a combination you had quickly learned to fear. He reached up to swipe his thumb over his bloodstained lip, eyeing your blood there before quickly pressing the appendage to his mouth. He took a step back, eyeing you with promises you knew he had every intention of keeping.

“Careful, doll. I might take you up on that sooner than you’d like.”

You flinched when the door slammed shut behind him, the sound of the clicking lock reaching your ears.

tags: @darkficreposter @xoxabs88xox @harryspet @readermia @opheliadawnwalker3 @nickyl316h @captainchrisstan @sebabestianstan101 @villanellevi @lokislastlove @notyourtypicalrose @coconutqueen21 @hurricanerin @hyoyeoniie @kellyn1604 @sherrybaby14 @cocoamoonmalfoy @mandiiblanche @gotnofucks @oneoftheprettynerds @doozywoozy @sapphirescrolls @threeminutesoflife @searchforanotherway @mcudarklibrary @ksjksjkv @darkficsyouneveraskedfor @buckybarnesplumwhore @navegandoaciegas @c1nnam0n-g4rl @mr-darcy-is-a-hobbit @siriusjohnpotter @candy3002 @jevans2 @beardburnsupersoldiers @widowsmaximoff @nerdygirl8203 @literalmcuhoe @supernaturalwintersoldier @charmed-asylum @newyorkgoddess @fangirl-swagg @holl2712 @vicmc624 @michellemxndes

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