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ray4hotchner · 11 months

Text

Reckless

❀ 𝕡𝕒𝕚𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘: aaron hotchner x reader

❀ 𝕤𝕦𝕞𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕪: Y/N, a team member of the BAU, faces her past during a challenging case. Struggling to cope, Y/N's impulsive actions strain her relationship with Hotch.

❀ 𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕕 𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕥: 5.5k

❀ 𝕒𝕦𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕣’𝕤 𝕟𝕠𝕥𝕖: Hi everyone, I finally caved in and wrote something on my own. This is my first fic, so let me know what you think

❀ 𝕞𝕒𝕚𝕟 𝕒𝕔𝕔: @iyv-ray24

On Ao3

Normally, Y/N was one of the last people to board the jet after a case. Not this time though. She didn't wait for the team and drove straight from the sheriff's station to the airport once the case was wrapping up. It had been a couple of stressful days, and everyone was exhausted. However, Y/N was not only exhausted but also very, very pissed – pissed at the team, pissed at herself, but most importantly, at Hotch.

This case was not easy for any of them. Three girls between the ages of 9 and 13 were abducted, horribly abused, and killed before their bodies were dumped in different local parks in the city. The BAU was called in when the third child was missing, but unfortunately, they arrived way too late. Now, the fourth girl, Casandra Johnson, an 11-year-old, was missing.

Most of the times, Y/N wouldn't have problems with distancing herself emotionally from cases, but this one just hit too close to home. Her little baby sister was abducted from their front porch when she was 9. Y/N herself was only a teenager at that time, and she was the one babysitting her sister. Just a couple of minutes of distraction, and her baby sister was gone forever. They found her body a week later, and the man who killed her luckily got caught, but Y/N never forgave herself and lived every day with the guilt of letting her sister down.

Yep, the team knew all about this stuff. They were familiar with each other's messed-up pasts and traumas; they were like a close-knit family, after all. So, when Penelope started laying out all the details about the case, she could feel her teammates' eyes on her. Sure, it wasn't easy to stare at pictures of innocent little girls and remember what happened to her own sister, but that wasn't going to stop her from getting her job done. She was a pro at this, and as far as she was concerned, this was just another case.

She found herself in the tiny kitchenette of the jet, pouring a cup of coffee, when Hotch walked over.

"Hey, want some coffee?" she offered, but he just shook his head.

"You doing okay?" he asked, standing close because the kitchenette was so darn small.

"Why wouldn't I be?" she replied, knowing exactly why, but she wasn't about to show her feelings to him.

"You could sit this one out, you know.”

"Hotch, no way! Please don't even suggest that! These girls deserve justice, and I've got to see it through."

"I get it, but if things start getting too heavy and overwhelming, promise me you'll give me a heads-up," he said gently.

"You bet," she nodded.

They hung there for a few more seconds. Hotch's presence always had a calming effect on her, and she felt more grounded when he was around. He saw the tension on her face and he probably wanted to reach out and offer comfort, but he held back. So, he turned around and went back to his seat. She watched Hotch walk away and caught eyes with Emily, who gave her a knowing look. She was the only one on the team who knew how Y/N felt about Hotch. To this day, she regretted telling Emily, on a drunken night, that she had a crush on their boss. Emily had persistently encouraged her on more than a few occasions to confess her feelings, but she had consistently declined, fearing the potential embarrassment and awkwardness it could create between them. Emily smirked at her, but she only mouthed "Don't" before also returning to her seat.

The case was progressing as usual – examining the crime scene, talking to victims' relatives and potential eyewitnesses, and creating the unsub profile. Throughout the investigation, the team noticed Y/N becoming increasingly agitated. However, things took a sharp downward turn after Casandra was kidnapped. Y/N grew moody, neglected sleep and food, and immersed herself in reexamining the same files and evidence over and over again.

Y/N and Spencer found themselves back at the last crime scene, as Y/N insisted on revisiting it, when new information arose. Penelope added them to the group call and informed everyone that her research had led her to a man fitting the unsub's profile. She sent over his last registered address.

"We're nearby. It's not far from the last crime scene," Y/N informed the team.

"We'll meet you guys there," Derek said before they ended the call. Y/N and Spencer then drove to the address.

They parked in front of the house and awaited the team's arrival when Y/N spotted movement inside. She immediately called Hotch.

"Hotch, there's someone in the house. Maybe he's holding the girl in there. We need to go in. Now!"

"We'll be there shortly. You can't go in there without backup," Hotch cautioned.

"Spencer is here too."

"Agent Y/L/N, I said wait. That's an order!" Hotch's tone was stern.

"I'm sorry, I have to," Y/N replied, and with that, she exited the car and headed toward the front door of the house. Hotch heard Spencer shouting after Y/N before the call ended. Cursing under his breath, he instructed Derek to speed up.

In under 5 minutes, the team reached the unsub's address. The front door had been kicked open, and the team could hear Y/N yelling at someone.

"Where is he? Tell me! Where is your brother?" She was shouting, pinning a young man facedown on the carpet. Y/N's knee was pressed into his back, immobilizing him as she held his hands behind his back.

"Agent Y/L/N, that's enough!" Hotch's order rang out, and he turned to Emily, gesturing for her to take over. Emily walked over, cuffed the man's hands, and assisted him to his feet. The officers and the team exited the house. As they were leaving, Hotch turned to Y/N and said, "We will discuss this later."

Upon arriving at the station, Hotch instructed Derek and Rossi to interrogate the suspect's brother regarding the unsub's whereabouts. He told the team, except for Y/N, to leave the room the sheriff assigned to the BAU upon their arrival. Facing her, Hotch clenched his jaw, in order to stay calm.

"You are off the case," he stated in an unwavering voice.

"Hotch, no, I'm—"

"You. Are. Off. The case. Agent Y/L/N."

"That's not fair. We have the guy's brother."

"That's not fair? That's not fair? Are you really talking back right now?" Hotch's anger escalated.

"I said I'm sorry! But what if we would have lost our chance? That guy had his things packed; he was leaving!"

"I don't care if he was leaving or not! You can't act on your own in situations like this! You put yourself and Spencer in danger."

"We're fine!"

"Yeah, luckily! But you didn't know what awaited you behind that door. Both of you could have been injured or worse. Your actions were selfish and unprofessional. I don't want you anywhere near anything related to this case until we're back in Quantico. Do you understand?"

Y/N didn't even respond; she simply stormed out of the room. She headed straight to the bathroom, seeking some privacy to calm down. Splashing her face with ice-cold water, she leaned over the sink, taking deep breaths while still seething with anger. Just then, JJ entered the restroom. Like everyone else at the station, she had heard the heated exchange between Hotch and Y/N and came to check on her.

"Hey, are you alright?"

"I'm off the case."

"Maybe it's for the best, don't you think?"

"Not you too, JJ," Y/N replied, releasing a heavy sigh as she dried her hands and face. She walked past JJ and left the restroom, unwilling to argue with her as well. Although she was banned from anything related to the case, Hotch hadn't instructed her to leave the station entirely or return to the hotel, so she remained. In the breakroom, she sat, observing and straining to catch any updates. She watched as Derek and Rossi emerged from the interrogation room, but they refused to share information due to Hotch's orders. Naturally, Spencer and Emily also followed Hotch's directives, all for Y/N's own well-being.

Suddenly, there was movement as the team geared up, putting on their vests. Clearly, they had a new lead. Y/N swiftly rose, walking toward the team to grab her own vest, but Hotch halted her immediately.

"I told you that you're not allowed anything related to the case."

"Hotch, come on! Punish me with paperwork or anything else, but not like this, please!"

"No."

"Hotch, maybe you should—" Derek attempted to intervene.

"I said no!" Hotch's tone was firm as he locked eyes with Y/N. He could see the anger in her eyes and how she was holding back tears of frustration. With Hotch's final words, the team exited the station and drove away. Unable to hold back, Y/N retreated to the bathroom, shedding a few tears of anger. She knew she had made a mistake and was in the wrong, but the frustration and sense of being left behind lingered. Hotch should have been the first to understand the weight of guilt from not saving a loved one. Yet, he treated her as the issue, disregarding the missing child who might require the help of every agent for her rescue.

She let out a deep breath, a release that felt like she had been holding it in for days, as the team returned to the station with the little girl in Emily's arms. Y/N's gaze remained fixed on the heartwarming scene of the girl reuniting with her parents, embraces and kisses shared all around.

Mistiness gathered in Y/N's eyes once more, her mind drifting to how it might have felt to get her own little sister back all those years ago. Lifting her eyes from the heartwarming family reunion, her gaze locked with Hotch's, and it was as if he could read her thoughts. He took a step towards her, but she promptly spun around and walked away.

Hotch was not surprised by her reaction; he didn't even know why he had attempted to approach her. He did know, deep down, but he wasn't ready to admit it to himself, especially not at this moment. A few minutes later, he noticed Y/N storming out of the station, her bag slung over her shoulder.

"She said she'll be waiting by the jet," JJ informed Hotch as they both watched Y/N leave.

That was why she found herself being the first to arrive at the jet, a rarity. Normally, she'd take the seat in front of Hotch, and they'd dive into their paperwork during the flight back home. It was an opportunity to talk and maybe even steal glances at his handsome face. But now, she didn’t even want to hear his voice.

Instead, she settled onto the broad couch, the same one where Spencer often napped, and attempted to drift into sleep. Exhaustion from the past days quickly pulled her into slumber. She faintly registered the team entering the jet and briefly woke at takeoff, but she promptly turned away and slipped back into sleep, determined to avoid everyone, especially Hotch.

The jet's interior was dimly lit, and most of the team dozed off in their seats. Hotch occupied a couple of seats away from the couch where Y/N was deeply asleep, while Rossi sat directly in front of him. He observed her for a moment, noticing her curling up into a ball – she must be cold. The realization prompted Hotch to stand up promptly. He opened one of the jet's cupboards and retrieved a blanket. Quietly, he approached Y/N and draped the blanket over her, observing as she snuggled into the soft fabric. With the exception of Rossi, everyone else was already asleep, so his actions would likely go unquestioned by the team. Besides, he was merely helping a colleague, right? He lingered by her side for longer than necessary; her relaxed face was undeniably beautiful, and he wanted – no, needed – to savour it for just a little while longer. He was painfully aware that the only expression he'd encounter in her eyes when she woke would be resentment toward him. He would give anything to reach out and caress her cheek at this very moment. Eventually, he returned to his seat, and Rossi's gaze immediately landed on him.

"You're hopeless, Aaron," Rossi chuckled.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Hotch replied, his gaze shifting to the files before him.

"You know, she kind of has the right to be angry at you."

"You can't seriously think that what she did was right."

"No, I do not. It was actually really fucking dumb, but you're sort of being a hypocrite here."

"How so?"

"Well, yes, she made a mistake barging into that house on her own, and she acted impulsively. But so did you. Every one of us has made stupid mistakes at some point, and hers at least helped us locate the unsub. If it were any other agent, you would have let them join the rescue and handed them a pile of paperwork as punishment later. But because you have an emotional attachment to her and feelings for her, you were afraid she'd act recklessly again. You couldn't risk her getting hurt, like, say, jumping in front of a bullet – which we both know she would have. So, you left her behind. Not to mention, you understood why she acted the way she did. This case was deeply personal to her. Needless to say, you both acted like idiots."

Hotch leans back in his seat and lets out a sigh. He knows Rossi's right, though sometimes he hates working with profilers.

"We all want to protect the people we love, Aaron. But remember, she's still an agent, and this is her job," Rossi adds before returning to his files.

Hotch glances over at her and ponders Rossi's words. He realizes he definitely overreacted because it was you who put yourself in danger. He knows she's a great agent and can take care of herself in these dangerous situations, but just the thought of something happening to her makes his stomach drops.

It had been a couple of days since the team had returned to Quantico, and as Hotch expected, Y/N was avoiding him at all costs. She submitted her reports well before the deadlines, left the office earlier than usual – a rarity for her, as she was typically one of the last agents to leave. Hotch even noticed her falling silent whenever he entered the break room or the bullpen, and she seemed to find excuses to distance herself from him. This avoidance was starting to irritate him more and more. He missed the late nights spent doing paperwork together in his office after everyone else had gone home. He longed to hear her laughter and engage in conversations with her. He just missed her. While she appeared to be getting along fine with the rest of the team, her anger toward Hotch still lingered. He knew he needed to talk to her and explain his actions; he hoped that she might understand once he did.

So, as soon as he arrived at the office the following day, he made it a priority. Upon entering his office, he noticed Y/N's completed report on his desk, finished once again before deadline. He was aware that she was completing her work ahead of time to avoid any interaction with Hotch about the report. Without even glancing at the report, he stepped back out of his office.

"Agent Y/L/N, a word, please," he said, his tone possibly more agitated than he had intended. The rest of the team exchanged questioning looks as Y/N ascended the few stairs to his office. She knocked on the door, even though it was already open, and announced herself before entering.

"Close the door," Hotch ordered, his voice firm as he removed his jacket.

He had initially only wanted to apologize and explain his decision on the case, but seeing that finished report again ignited a kind of anger within him. Particularly because he knew how much she despised working on it in the first place. Now, she stood in front of him, alone for the first time in days, yet she didn't even glance at his face.

"You finished your work early again, Agent Y/L/N?"

"Yes, sir." Sir... she never called him 'sir.' He really wanted to hear his name from her. He tried to catch her eyes, but she purposely looked away. There was a brief silence before she finally spoke up, "Is there something wrong with it, sir?"

His emotions were getting the better of him due to her distant tone, possibly amplified by the frustration that had built up over the past few days. So, he responded with unnecessary sharpness.

"Yeah, there's something wrong with it. Do it again," he snapped, tossing the file onto the desk closer to her. For the first time in days, she met his eyes, her brows furrowed in irritation, though her voice remained calm.

"May I ask what was wrong with it, sir?" she inquired, striving to sound neutral.

"You may not, Agent! Get back to your work," he replied, his voice unintentionally louder than he intended.

Y/N stormed out of the room, doing her best to restrain herself from slamming the door behind her. She settled back at her desk, aware of her colleagues' watchful eyes on her, though no one said a word. In his office, Hotch couldn't help but curse under his breath. "Why did I do that?" he wondered. This kind of pettiness was uncharacteristic of him, yet there was something about her that could evoke such strong emotions from him, both positive and negative.

He struggled throughout the remaining day to focus on his work, his mind repeatedly drifting to thoughts of her. Glancing at the clock, he realized that the workday was drawing to a close. He had planned to talk to her today, and he was determined to do it before she left, especially since she tended to head out before the others. Stepping out of his office and peering down into the bullpen, he noticed Spencer packing up while Y/N and Emily waited. Derek and Penelope were already on their way to the elevator, and Rossi had left hours ago due to personal matters.

"Y/L/N, to my office, please," he called out in his strong voice from the top of the stairs before returning back into his office. Spencer and Emily exchanged glances, and while Y/N was clearly displeased, it was inevitable that she had to have a conversation with Hotch.

"You guys go ahead. Don't wait for me. I'll see you tomorrow," she said, placing her bag back on her desk before making her way up to Hotch's office.

"Sit down," Hotch says as she enters his office, gesturing to the free chair in front of his desk.

"For how much longer do you plan to keep this up?" Hotch asks in a plain tone.

"I don't know what you're talking about, sir."

Hotch rubs his face and lets out a sigh before continuing. "Cut it out! This whole 'sir' thing. You haven't spoken to me in days. It's affecting the work environment."

"I don't think it's affecting anything. I've been working efficiently, and my reports are always on time."

"I don't give a damn about your reports, Y/N!" Hotch exclaims, standing up and slamming his hands on the table as he leans toward her.

She stands abruptly. "Then there's no reason for me to be here if this isn't work-related," she nearly yells, matching Hotch's intensity. She starts to turn around, indicating her intention to leave.

"You're not leaving before we talk about what happened and clear this up!", he said and walked around his desk to now stand infront of her.

"There's nothing to clear up!"

"How is there nothing to clear up? You've been avoiding me since we got back from the case. You won't talk to me, you won't look at me—hell, you leave the room when I walk in."

Hotch's frustration was palpable as he stepped closer to her. "You think you can just avoid me and everything will be fine? You think you can act like nothing happened?"

Y/N's voice trembled with anger. "I'm doing my job, just like I always have."

"Your job? This is more than just about your damn job. We're a team, and that means communication and trust."

Y/N shot back, her voice rising. "Trust? Is that what you call it? You completely shut me out during the case. You made me feel like I can't make decisions, like I'm incapable."

Hotch's eyes blazed with frustration. "I made a decision to protect you, to keep you safe!"

"By treating me like a child? By belittling me in front of the team?" Y/N's cheeks were flushed, her anger evident.

"You were reckless, Y/N! You put yourself and Spencer in danger!"

"I had a lead, I had a chance to save that girl!"

"By charging into a potentially dangerous situation without backup? You're lucky nothing worse happened."

Y/N's fists clenched at her sides. "You don't understand. You never understand."

"Oh, I understand more than you realize," Hotch retorted, his voice dripping with frustration.

The room seemed to crackle with tension as their argument escalated. Each word was a jab, a release of the pent-up emotions they had been harboring. The distance between them had grown from physical to emotional, and they were both struggling to bridge the gap.

Suddenly, a knock echoed through the room, and JJ's head appeared in the doorway. "Oh, sorry for disturbing. I just wanted to say goodbye before I leave. Don't let me interrupt," she said, sensing the tension in the room, and then closed the door behind her. Throughout JJ's brief interaction, Y/N and Hotch's eyes remained locked on each other.

JJ's interruption seemed to inject a moment of calm into the charged atmosphere, allowing a slight easing of the tension in the room.

Hotch's voice broke the silence once again, this time with a calmer and more composed tone. "Believe me, I understand why this case held such significance for you. The entire team recognised that. However, that doesn't justify putting yourself in harm's way."

Y/N's voice softened, her frustration mingling with a touch of vulnerability. "I know it was reckless to charge in without waiting, and I've already apologized for that—I'm still sorry. But what you did was unfair. You left me behind. Aren't we supposed to be a team? How could you make that decision, Hotch?" Her eyes misted over, a mixture of hurt and confusion in her gaze.

Hotch's gaze softened as he heard the hurt in her voice. He took a step closer, closing the physical distance between them, and rested his hands on his hips. "Y/N, it's not about whether you apologized or not. It's about the fact that you charged into a dangerous situation without considering the consequences. In this line of work, we can't afford to act on emotions alone. We have to think logically, strategically. Acting solely on emotion can get people killed."

Y/N's eyes welled up with tears as his words sank in. She looked down at her hands, her voice choked with emotion. "I know that, Hotch. I do. But in that moment, all I could think about was finding that girl, saving her. It was like... I couldn't control myself."

Hotch took another step forward, his presence a comforting presence in front of her. He reached out and gently lifted her chin, guiding her gaze to meet his. His touch was tender, his thumb caressing her cheek. "Y/N, I get it. I do. But I was scared. Scared of losing you, of seeing you hurt. I couldn't bear the thought of something happening to you."

She looked up at him, tears streaming down her cheeks. His touch was a lifeline, grounding her in this vulnerable moment. "I... I couldn't save my sister," she whispered, her voice trembling. "I was supposed to be watching her, and I let her down."

Hotch's grip on her chin tightened ever so slightly, his eyes locking onto hers. He leaned in closer, his voice tender. "Y/N, what happened to your sister wasn't your fault. You were just a child yourself. You couldn't have known."

A sob escaped Y/N's lips as she leaned into his touch, her tears falling freely now. Hotch gently wiped away her tears with his thumb, his touch soothing. "It's okay to feel the pain, Y/N. But you can't let it dictate your actions now. You have so much strength, so much potential. I just want to keep you safe."

She let out a shaky breath, her emotions raw and exposed. Hotch's presence and his words were a balm to her wounded heart. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice filled with remorse.

Hotch shook his head softly, his eyes never leaving hers. "There's no need to apologize. I should have handled things differently too. We both made mistakes."

They stood there for a moment, their gazes locked, and the air around them seemed to shift. Hotch took a step forward, his hand moving from her chin to her cheek, his touch gentle and caring.

"Y/N, we're a team. And I promise you, I'll always have your back. But I need you to promise me that you'll think before you act, that you'll prioritize your safety."

She nodded, her tears slowing as a small smile tugged at her lips. "I promise."

And in that moment, with their bodies close and their gazes intertwined, they found a connection that went beyond words—a connection forged in vulnerability, understanding, and the unspoken bond of a team that had weathered the storm together.

Y/N closes the distance between them and wraps her arms around Hotch in a tight embrace. Her face is buried in his chest, and he holds her close, his hand caressing her hair with utmost tenderness. In this vulnerable embrace, their walls begin to crumble, and the weight of unspoken emotions hangs heavily in the air.

Hotch's voice is barely above a whisper as he presses his lips to her ear, letting all the truths he had been holding back spill forth. "I was so scared, Y/N... scared to lose you. I can't bear the thought of ever losing you. Please, don't ever put yourself in that kind of danger again."

His words are a mixture of desperation and genuine concern, a heartfelt confession that had been weighing on him for far too long. He holds her tighter, his grip on her waist firm yet gentle. "I don't know what I would do without you. You've become such an important part of my life."

His voice quivers with emotion, each word carrying the weight of his feelings. "I missed talking to you, missed hearing your laugh. Even the complaints about paperwork, I missed those too. You mean so much to me, Y/N, more than you might realize."

Y/N's grip on him tightens, her tears soaking into his shirt as she listens to his heartfelt words. It's a moment of vulnerability, of raw honesty that they had both been avoiding. Hotch's whispers in her ear are like a soothing melody, erasing the tension that had been building between them.

Their embrace lingers, a silent acknowledgment of the unspoken bond that ties them together. Hotch continues to caress her hair, his touch a silent reassurance of his feelings. In this moment, surrounded by their shared emotions and the warmth of their connection, they find solace in each other's arms.

Y/N pulls away slightly, creating enough space to look up at him, her eyes glistening with sincerity. She takes a deep breath before speaking, her voice a mix of vulnerability and determination. "Hotch, Aaron... I became so upset about this situation because it was you who was disappointed in me. You mean the world to me. Your opinion, your feelings, they matter more than I can even express. Not just as my boss, but as a friend and... and maybe, just maybe, even more."

Her cheeks flush with a soft hue of pink as she admits her feelings, her gaze dropping to the floor as if overwhelmed by the weight of her confession. She's both relieved and terrified to have finally voiced her emotions, unsure of how he'll react despite his previous words of comfort.

Hotch's breath catches in his throat as he absorbs her words. His heart races, and a mixture of surprise, hope, and affection blooms in his chest. He reaches out to gently lift her chin, his thumb brushing against her skin as he tilts her face up to meet his gaze. His expression is a mixture of tenderness and warmth, his eyes reflecting the depth of his feelings.

"Y/N..." Hotch's voice is soft, carrying a mix of emotions that mirror her own. He searches her eyes, his thumb tracing over her cheekbone, his touch both soothing and electrifying. "I've been struggling with my own feelings, with the fear of crossing a line. But I want you to know... you're important to me too. More than I can put into words."

A gentle smile tugs at the corners of his lips, his gaze locked onto hers. "I never wanted to push you away or make you feel like your actions don't matter. They do, because you matter. And I'm sorry if I made you think otherwise."

Y/N's heart swells with his words, and the warmth of his touch resonates deep within her. Her eyes well up with tears, but this time they're tears of relief and joy. Her lips tremble into a soft smile as she meets his gaze with renewed hope.

"I'm glad we talked," she whispers, her voice filled with sincerity. "I don't want to avoid you, Aaron. I want us to be honest with each other, no matter what happens."

Hotch's thumb continues to caress her cheek, his touch grounding her in this moment of emotional intimacy. "I feel the same way," he admits, his voice a mere breath against her lips. "And I promise, from now on, we'll face things together."

Their proximity becomes charged with a newfound understanding, their unspoken connection now verbalized. And as they stand there, gazing into each other's eyes, they both know that this conversation is just the beginning of a deeper and more meaningful journey ahead.

As the weight of their emotions lingers in the air, Y/N takes a small step closer, her heart pounding with a mixture of anticipation and vulnerability. Hotch's gaze softens even further, and in that moment, they both feel the pull of an unspoken desire.

Without any more hesitation, Y/N tilts her head slightly, her lips brushing against his in a tentative yet gentle kiss. It's a kiss filled with the tenderness of their shared feelings, a silent promise of everything they've both been longing for.

Hotch's arms instinctively wrap around her, pulling her closer as he deepens the kiss with a mixture of longing and affection. His lips move against hers with a slow and deliberate rhythm, their connection intensifying as their bodies press against each other.

The air between them grows warmer, their shared emotions igniting a spark of passion. Y/N's fingers thread through his hair, holding him close as the kiss becomes more heated, a reflection of the desires they've kept hidden for so long.

Their breath mingles, the world around them fading as they lose themselves in the intoxicating sensation of their lips moving together. The kiss becomes a dance of emotions, each movement a declaration of their feelings.

Finally, they break apart, their lips still lingering just millimeters away. Their breaths come in ragged gasps, their eyes locked in a heated gaze filled with a mixture of surprise and bliss.

A soft, love-drunk smile tugs at Y/N's lips, and she brushes her thumb against his cheek, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath her touch. Hotch's fingers continue to caress her back, his touch a silent affirmation of his feelings.

"Wow," Y/N breathes, her voice barely above a whisper, her heart still racing from the intensity of their kiss.

Hotch chuckles softly, his forehead resting against hers. "Yeah, wow," he replies, his voice filled with a mixture of wonder and contentment.

Their smiles mirror each other's, and in that moment, they both realize that this is just the beginning of their journey together. The walls that once kept their feelings hidden have crumbled, replaced by a newfound connection that's deeper and more meaningful.

As they stand there, breathless and gazing into each other's eyes, they know that they're embarking on a path of honesty, vulnerability, and love. And with their lips still tingling from their kiss, they share a quiet understanding that whatever challenges lie ahead, they'll face them together.

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds #hotch x reader #aaron hotch hotchner #aaronhotchnerissuchadilfandIwoulddieforhim

630 notes · View notes

pumpkinbirth · 7 months

Note

Potion Game

Base- alien

Add-ons- rapid pregnancy, orgasmic birth

Despite how straightforward this "experiment" seemed, it didn't do much to curb your nerves.

While you and the rest of the world were still reeling over the confirmation that humans most certainly were not alone in the universe, the government higher ups (who had apparently been privy to this fact for years) were already well into various negotiations and experiments with the extraterrestrials, such as the one you currently found yourself volunteered for.

You see, the other life that was out there was dwindling, much faster than they would like. So once it was revealed that our genetic makeup had even the possibility of compatibility, talks of crossbreeding soon followed.

Everyone stood to benefit, it seemed; they'd postpone their extinction, and humanity would have the chance to access even greater evolution. As for you, well...you'd just have to find out.

---

This brought you to now, sitting in a small observation room. To your relief it wasn't the metallic, brightly lit room you were dreading, but rather was lit by a dim, warm light. The aliens, which were surprisingly similar to the greys of pop culture, had made it clear that harsh lighting would disturb and potentially damage their offspring's eyes.

Your eyes flicked to the two way mirror on the wall facing you, where scientists of both species had already been monitoring you for a couple hours now, starting right when you'd been successfully inseminated. Mentally you ran through how the experiment would go, provided it went smoothly; you were to remain in the observation room for the entirety of your pregnancy, which if the aliens were to be believed would be blissfully short, three days to a week at most. You were also to give birth by yourself, they would only intervene if it seemed like things were going south. The reason for this was apparently so the experiment wouldn't be sullied by invasive methods from either side; simply put, the baby would dictate how it would be born. The last thing, something the translator had relayed with an interesting expression, was that this experience would be "far more pleasant than you would expect".

---

Ten hours in, the scientists in the next room watched as you repositioned yourself on the bed provided. The thin fabric of your hospital gown, which had been baggy on you that morning, was now stretched tightly over your newly swollen belly. Every now and then someone would come in to measure and photograph you, which you still found yourself being self conscious of every time.

To the untrained eye it looked like you were experiencing a normal pregnancy, except for a couple odd details. Your belly was flushed with a faint purple hue, which they had hypothesized was the fetus' blood mixing with yours in the placenta. The other detail was that you were sweating, but not with exertion or discomfort, far from it. That cryptic little hint from the translator turned out to be alluding to a natural chemical released by their hormones, which apparently induced an aphrodisiac effect in humans.

The scientists encouraged you to respond to any impulses or urges you felt, provided that it wouldn't harm you or the baby. While you were still very aware of being watched, the sensations became gradually impossible to ignore.

Three more hours went by and you'd shed the gown, sitting upright in the bed with your back supported by pillows. With one hand you cradled your belly, now visually comparable to a full term pregnancy, while your other was nestled between your spread legs, slick sounds hanging in the air as you sunk two fingers into yourself. Your thumb pressed and circled your swollen clit as you worked to bring yourself to yet another orgasm, having lost count of which one this was.

This one felt like it was going to be different, although you were too lost in the pleasure to voice this to them. Instead your fingers worked faster, your hips lifting as much as they could, and with a cry you finally felt the pressure come to a head as you came hard. An unfamiliar sensation washed over you, and your cheeks flushed as you felt a torrent of fluid gush out of you.

Panting softly you reached down to inspect it, finding your fingers coated with a slightly viscous violet liquid, what you assumed was your 'water'. It had definitely caught your off guard, considering you hadn't been experiencing conventional contractions. Gradually you realized that it was the intensifying pleasure that was leading up to your advancing labor, not pain.

Your heart raced as both you and the scientists realized that this was progressing much faster than they'd estimated; if things continued at this rate then you'd have experienced a full pregnancy and birth in under 24 hours. Before you could think about it any more you felt the odd pressure of your belly shifting, dropping as your alien baby began its descent.

Leaning back against your pillows you spread your legs wider, giving a clear view of the flushed lips of your cunt as you moaned through another pleasureful contraction. All shyness was fully out the window now, and you could think of nothing but just how wonderful it felt to give birth, the hormones doing their job perfectly. It wasn't long before you felt the urge to push, and you gave in without hesitation, the resulting orgasm making you squirt even more of the syrupy amniotic fluid.

In the adjacent room both groups of scientists were dutifully noting everything, some of them doing their best to ignore how much the sight and sound of your birthing was arousing them. This became more difficult as they watched you beginning to crown, the swollen lips of your cunt gradually stretching to accommodate a much larger head than it would with a human baby. Surely the aphrodisiac hormones was the aliens evolving an incentive for reproducing; one is more likely to want to give birth if it feels good, after all.

Back in the observation room you were panting heavily, voice hoarse from cumming so many times over the course of the day. You obeyed your body's urges and bore down hard, fluid leaking steadily out of you as you successfully pushed out the head. The overstimulation had you mewling desperately, and as good as this felt you were ready for it to come to an end. The hardest part was done, though, and a few more good pushes had the rest of the experiment slipping free from you.

A pair of scientists in protective gear swiftly entered, retrieving the baby before you could even ask about it. A twinge of sadness tugged at your heart, but you soon let it go. After all, now that the experiment was more or less successful, you suspected you'd have the chance to do this many more times.

#pumpkin answers #pumpkin writes #pregnancy kink #labor kink #birth kink #rapid pregnancy #alien birth #alien pregnancy #orgasmic birth

194 notes · View notes

elleloquently · 1 year

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invisible string [8] : ellie williams

part seven

| college!ellie x female!reader - welcome to the final part of invisible string! i am so sad to be ending this short series, but extremely excited for you all to read it!! i really hope you'll like it... a lot of time was spent getting it right (: thank you guys for being so patient with me! also- thank you to all of my readers <3 special shout out to those of you who have been following this story since the first part was posted. your kindness and encouragement has meant everything to me <3 ilysm

| c/w - anxiety, swearing

it was jarring, the transition from speaking to not.

your friendship with ellie started all at once and fizzled out even quicker, no lasting proof besides the sticky notes that remained on your wall.

it felt silly, looking at them everyday. you wondered if it was inappropriate, keeping them around and on display. truthfully, you still had a little bit of hope left. if you took them down, that would certainly be the end.

she was only a part of your life for a short time, but the week had felt empty without ellie.

ellie hadn't made a move, so you didn't either.

the time apart made it easier to think though, easier to differentiate your thoughts without ellie clouding your senses.

normal friendships shouldn't feel so dramatic. they shouldn't have so many lingering stares, ghosting touches, and unsaid words. at least, you didn't think so. you hadn't experienced a friendship like that before. desperate to say it all yet too scared to say anything at all, you simultaneously wanted to tell ellie everything yet keep yourself a secret, a closed off book forever.

normal friendships shouldn't require that much thought.

the idea nagged at you continuously and you had no choice but to allow it. it was december, finals were wrapping up and the promise of winter break was no longer just around the corner, it was here.

things were always a little awkward, even when they were good. tension.

things hadn't felt weird in a bad way until the mention of jesse and dina. any color had promptly drained from ellie's face, and she was too quick to get away. you were confident that you hadn't misspoke. surely it was something on ellie's end, but it bothered you nonetheless. you had to have been apart of it.

thinking about ellie made you feel selfish, because it almost felt vain to weigh the ways in which she could potentially care about you. reading into stolen glances was a pastime that possibly could've been increasing your vanity. you didn't typically have such thoughts such as oh, i look pretty today, that must be why she keeps looking at me.

you missed looking at ellie. how pathetic but true, it had only been a few days but surely your journal was tired of hearing about it.

you quickly learned that ellie seemed a little impulsive, driven by her stubbornness. well, two can play at that game. you wouldn't even text her.

you half hoped that your absence would make her grow more fond at the idea of you, though maybe you had only pushed her away further. no texts, no anything.

sure, it was finals week. but still.

half of your clothes were packed away, piles around your room that you would swear was an organized method. studying didn't really do you any good, your last final was here and you were drained. you felt like an idiot for being more concerned about ellie, but you had done fine in the class all semester anyway.

snow was finally starting to pile on the ground. you would appreciate the beauty more after your final was finished, when it didn't matter if your hair grew wet from the melting flakes.

campus was quiet and relatively empty as you hurried to the building in which your final would take place. you liked being early, and refused to push the time limit for an exam. maybe the thought of seeing ellie again made your feet move a little quicker, but you focused on rehearsing the study guide in your head during your walk.

your heart pounded with every step. despite actually enjoying the class, you never felt relaxed at the idea of an exam. you had been so focused on ellie, it didn't really sink in that you would be sitting still in a silent room, clock ticking quietly as you would try your best to answer each question. what if you couldn't even focus?

it was too late to worry, and too early to resign yourself yet.

you made it in time, twenty minutes early, your specialty, but quite a few people already occupied the classroom. it wasn't anything out of the ordinary, though. people usually arrived early for finals. the satisfied smile slipped off of your lips however when you noticed that ellie wasn't around.

your heart dropped.

did she opt to take the exam early? what if you had already saw her for the last time, and you had no idea?

you sunk into your seat, wanting to text ellie but you were starting to forget the wording of a definition that you were trying to memorize last minute. sparing a quick glance at your phone, you decided to pull out your study guide instead for a last review.

how the fuck were you supposed to focus?

it was technically still early, but you pulse quickened everytime someone that wasn't ellie walked into the room.

what if ellie wasn't coming? even if things were weird, you guys had become friends. it would be fucked up just to never say bye, right? unless she wasn't as emotionally invested in the situation as you were... which, let's be honest...

the door was heaved open once again and you tried not to look disappointed when in walked a guy from your class. you refocused your gaze on your study notes when suddenly a muttered "thank you" pulled you out of your thoughts.

the guy was holding the door open for someone, but you didn't need to look to know who it was.

in walked ellie, shoulders straight and eyes set. you opened your mouth, ready to say something, but she walked right past you and towards the desk that she previously sat in, before you became friends.

your eyebrows furrowed and it felt like the final nail.

but she hesitated.

ellie hesitated before backpedaling and sat down in the empty spot next to you. the act alone practically gave you an ego.

she didn't glance at you even once, and somehow that felt even more obvious than if she would've looked at you. despite the circumstance you felt giddy, determined to redeem yourself for a mistake that you didn't even make.

you eyed ellie. she was trying so hard not to glance in your direction, it was cute. you had to try. you'd regret it if you didn't. you mentally debated which was worse, regret or embarrassment.

"so," you began, wanting to sound confident instead of squeaky with nerves. "on a scale of one to ten, how fucked do you think you are for the final?"

ellie's eyes widened and you tried, you really did, not to break out into a grin.

you continued. "i think i'm standing at a solid..." you pretended to think, drawing your eyebrows together as you looked to the ceiling, but you already knew what you were going to say. "...six?"

ellie snorted. "do you just memorize everything that i say?" she quipped, finally turning toward you.

your smile was sly once you looked away from her. "i don't know what you're talking about?"

ellie rolled her eyes, but you were finally speaking again and it was so good. a little late maybe, but good.

"don't copy me," ellie said, her words clipped. you knew she was joking. "anyway, you're gonna do better than a six. you organize your notes like a crazy person."

you frowned at the teasing statement but your heart skipped a beat anyway. ellie couldn't seem to meet your eyes and it made you feel greedy, desperate to get to the bottom of things.

"how have you been?" you asked, casually enough.

ellie looked at you as though you had posed a trick question.

"it's finals week," she replied flatly, but there was something else there.

you nodded. "right, but..." you quietly trailed off. there was no point in starting a big conversation with the exam merely minutes away.

ellie seemed visibly uncomfortable.

"the last time we talked, i..." ellie began to speak without knowing where she was going to end her sentence. you really needed to memorize that definition from earlier.

you flung open your notes. "it's fine," you dismissed. it wasn't really, but maybe you didn't want to do this now.

ellie winced. "it's not," she disagreed.

last week she had practically left you in the dust. now she wants to get confrontational?

"ellie," you frowned. "do you want to look through my notes? i have the ones from the section that i helped you with, that day in the library?" you looked up curiously, hand hovering over the pages incase she accepted.

ellie laughed, short and breathy. "i'm okay."

her tone was polite and light, a drastic change from how awkward she was just being. you carried on, quickly scanning paragraphs. cramming was never helpful, but you couldn't help yourself.

"i didn't really need your notes," ellie mumbled, looking away from you and at her hands instead.

you barely caught on to the uttered confession. "hm?"

her words took a second to register in your brain, to which you finally pulled your gaze away from your notes.

"are you declining my help in a passive aggressive way, or do you have something to say?" you asked quickly, the words tumbling out of your mouth before you could think it over. the classrooms were always too hot this time of year. your hands felt too dry and the feeling of them against paper was driving you crazy.

"what? no," ellie quickly corrected, shifting nervously in her seat.

you leaned over to unzip your bag that was on the floor, leaning against your chair. "i was just asking," you mumbled, pulling a small bottle of lotion from it's secure place in your bag.

ellie watched carefully as you applied a small amount to your hands. the sweet, floral notes reached her nose and she craned her neck in an attempt to read the scent name on the decorated tube.

"ellie?" you pressed, zipping your bag shut once again when you were finished with the lotion. ellie's sentence was unfinished, and you were running on little to no patience.

"i'm sorry," she breathed out. it wasn't what you were expecting and you blinked in surprise.

you would've clung to her every word, but you'd rather it be saved until your finals were over. you couldn't tell if it was a good i'm sorry or a bad one, and the result might genuinely impact your grade. it had to be discussed, you couldn't live with it being left alone. you debated biting the bullet and just asking if she wanted to hang out, but the idea of rejection made you hot in the face.

there it was again, regret or embarrassment.

if she said no, the embarrassment would most likely creep over you every night when you tried to sleep, but at least you wouldn't have to face her again. last chance.

you came out of your thought by noticing the dejected look on ellie's face. right, she said sorry.

"ellie," you tried again. "are you busy after this... or, or tonight?" you tried not to make it sound weighted, but you didn't think that you succeeded.

something of a surprised smile registered on ellie's face that she tried to suppress.

"after this?" ellie questioned, her words rushed. there wasn't much time to converse anymore. the final exam was looming.

you nodded. ellie blinked. "yes. sure," she responded, a little dazed.

satisfaction bloomed within you. it wasn't over yet.

thank god, you didn't have to work your way through this exam battling tears of rejection and heartache.

you wanted to say more, but the time that you had been prepping for weeks was finally upon you. you were stupidly emotional about the class ending. this class brought you ellie. this final was the reason for your budding friendship with ellie. you didn't want whatever this was with ellie to end with the class. you would finish the exam, and then you would talk.

"hey," ellie muttered, getting your attention quickly before the exams were handed out. "good luck," she said warmly.

you didn't bother hiding your smile. "good luck," you replied sincerely. you spared ellie one more quick glance before tuning in to focus.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

ellie left the exam before you did. she had finished first, only by a few minutes, but your heart raced. you were nearly done, just checking over answers when ellie had stood up, turned in her final, and left. she looked back at you before she had walked out of the doors. you had made eye contact. and then she was gone.

you skimmed all of the pages, making sure you had answered every question. your stomach hurt. did she leave? did she just leave?!

granted, of course, you could text her later. hopefully she would respond. but it was hard to make sense of any rational thoughts after the image of her leaving.

you did your best. you even felt fairly confident. you blindly gathered your things and turned in your exam, wishing your professor a final farewell and a happy winter break.

you pulled your phone out of your pocket upon exiting the classroom, hoping to see a text from ellie. instead, you simply saw ellie.

"oh," you said audibly.

ellie's head snapped up as soon as you appeared in the hallway. she was sitting on a bench outside of the classroom. she was waiting.

"how'd it go?" she asked hopefully.

you breathed a sigh of relief that turned into a laugh. she waited for you. the weight of the exam had been lifted off of your shoulders. now the only thing left that was bringing you down was where you stood with ellie.

"it's over," you mused, relieved that for a little while, there would be no assignments or tests to leave you in a tizzy. "what about you?"

ellie smiled in response, but her expression was lacking happiness. "we're free."

you nodded slowly, wanting to get on with it but at the same time feeling perfectly content with the small talk.

"so," you started, but the classroom door flung open causing you to flinch. another student completed the exam, exiting into the hallway. you stepped aside, drawing closer to ellie. "wanna get out of here?"

"do you have the time?" ellie questioned, looking at you almost accusingly.

your eyes narrowed. "yes," you emphasized. "that was my last exam. I am officially on winter break. also... you were the one that disappeared the last time we talked."

ellie paled, focusing her gaze on her converse. "yeah. about that..."

a small group of people came down the hallway. ellie stood up and gave you a look. "let's get out of here," she affirmed.

you trailed behind her, wringing your hands. what exactly were you even supposed to say? was this supposed to be some sort of all or nothing situation, because you really weren't very good at those...

once ellie noticed that you weren't at her side, she halted. "are... you okay?" she asked, looking unsure.

you nodded, eyes wide. you could see out of the doors, snow was falling once again. it was really starting to stick to the ground, too. the sight made your heart swell. "'it's snowing," you mumbled, awkwardly gesturing with your hand.

ellie let out a dry chuckle. "yeah, it is," she remarked, a soft smile painting itself on her lips. "wanna go to my dorm?"

you nodded once more, absentmindedly. ellie held the door open and you stepped outside, mentally welcoming the snow.

the walk was quiet. awkward. neither of you bothered with anymore small talk. it felt weird, saving the conversation until you arrived in ellie's dorm. you were anxious to see if she still had your doodles on her wall.

you made it in record time, motivated by the cold and slippery sidewalk. ellie laughed at you once you entered the building, stomping your shoes to rid them of any snow.

"you have snowflakes. in your eyelashes," ellie murmured, placing a careful hand under your chin to direct your gaze so she could examine them.

you stilled and held your breath, the feeling of her touch warming your body so much that you felt desperate to shed your coat.

"they'll melt," you whispered with an uneasy laugh.

ellie caught herself and removed her touch. your stomach flipped.

"i thought one time you said something about not liking when they melted on your eyelashes. something about your mascara running?" ellie teased, leading the way to her room.

"yeah, so i buy waterproof," you explained as if it were obvious.

ellie clicked her tongue and unlocked her door. "right. silly me," she breathed, stepping aside to let you into her room first. every action like that brought you butterflies.

you tried not to make it obvious, but you immediately looked for the notes on her wall. once your eyes landed on them, you breathed a sigh of relief. they were still there. suddenly you didn't feel so weird about keeping them on your wall either.

the room smelled like ellie. you wanted to soak it in.

ellie took off her coat, placed her bag on the floor and then dropped her coat on top of it. you followed suit, tucking your bag into a corner and shrugging off your coat. you were going to put it on the floor too, but ellie grabbed it from your hand and hung it on the back of a chair.

your cheeks warmed and you looked away.

"i feel like we should be studying or something," you tried with a small laugh.

"or something," ellie mused.

she sat on her bed, legs hanging over the side. you stood in front of ellie, avoiding eye contact.

"can i get you anything?" ellie awkwardly offered after a moment. "i don't have much left but i can offer you the water that's left in my bottle."

you rolled your eyes despite the corners of your lips, which quirked upwards. "charming. i'll pass, thank you."

"suit yourself," ellie sighed.

you were both trying way too hard to sound nonchalant. you hated it.

you stood awkwardly, not sure what to do with your hands. after a moment of hesitation, you finally made the plunge.

"ellie, did i like... say something? or do... something?"

you were scared of her answer, scared that maybe you really had been embarrassing yourself all along and now you wouldn't hear the end of it.

she looked resigned. you could tell that she was debating something, the way her eyes flicked away from your face and her eyebrows drew together.

"you didn't do anything," ellie confirmed. you could tell that she was physically working up to something. "i thought maybe... dina and jesse? i thought they might've said something stupid," she uttered.

you tilted your head in confusion, but your heart beat sped up. your mind flashed back to that moment, someone that ellie likes.

"they didn't," you reassured.

"yeaah, that's what they said too. i guess i just kinda... freaked." ellie replied, scratching the back of her neck.

"they were really nice," you offered awkwardly. "i didn't mean to make you feel weird or anything."

you even tried to avoid it, but you didn't have to explain that now. it's not like you would have actually hung out with dina and jesse... no offense to them of course, but you didn't know them so the idea made you feel extremely uncomfortable.

"you didn't," ellie pressed, adamant about not making you feel bad. "i thought that maybe i did."

you scrunched up your nose. "is that why you said the thing about freaking me out? because you really didn't."

ellie nodded. "i just thought they said something dumb. or something they shouldn't have said," she reiterated. ellie kicked off her converse.

your eyes widened, immediately thinking the worst. surely ellie was not the type of person to be nice to your face and then talk poorly about you to her friends? you honestly felt that if she didn't like you, you obviously wouldn't be standing in her room. still, the nagging thought persisted.

"something like what?" you asked, your voice coming out sharper than you intended.

"nothing bad, i just- dude, i feel like i'm on trial when you're just standing there like that."

your cheeks heated in embarrassment. "sorry," you mumbled, taking off your shoes and carefully tucking them next to your bag. you sat on the edge of her bed, and ellie turned to face you.

ellie's eyes scanned your features once you sighed.

"this is so dumb," you muttered. to your surprise, ellie laughed in relief.

"i was being weird. and i shouldn't have been," ellie clarified. "i'm sorry i made you feel bad."

the sincerity made you feel awkward. "it's okay. we're good?"

"we're good," ellie confirmed.

you blinked, forcing a smile onto your face. you were ready for this part to be over but there was still so much to be said.

you tore your eyes away from ellie, studying the solar system poster above her bed. "i still haven't seen the planetarium," you uttered wistfully.

ellie tilted her head, staring at you while you were unaware. "i'll take you," she said automatically, the words leaving her before she was able to doubt herself.

a ghost of a smile flickered on your lips.

"i think i've only been to a planetarium a couple times, as a kid," you said, eyes glancing over the starry map.

ellie smiled, quickly glancing from your lips to your eyes.

"for my sixteenth birthday, joel took me to this awesome museum," ellie began. her tone was wistful yet determined, voice laced with her best storytelling inflections.

you turned to face her again. ellie's eyes lit up while she spoke.

"it was a science and history museum," ellie explained. you smiled at her easy enthusiasm. "-and it had this planetarium that was the coolest fucking thing i've ever seen."

the smile quickly left your lips once your mouth dropped open in realization. "oh! the pictures!" you scrambled off of ellie's bed, leaving her to look confused and mildly concerned.

"pictures?" she questioned, getting up to follow after you. you lead her to the wall that was covered in all of her drawings and photos. you could've sworn that you remembered them. you scanned her wall, looking for two pictures in particular as your face scrunched up in concentration.

"there!" you pointed excitedly. the two photos that you remembered, ellie in an astronaut helmet grinning wildly at the camera, and ellie and joel wearing hats, posed in front of a massive dinosaur display.

"are those from your birthday?" you asked, stomach twisting with your words. you hoped that you were right, or else it might be embarrassing. maybe it was embarrassing anyway, the fact that you had so vividly remembered those photos.

ellie chuckled. "yeah actually, they are."

ellie bumped your shoulder, causing you to grin at her decorated wall.

"i love how many pictures you have," you sighed. "i have such a cute camera, but i always forget to take pictures in the moment." you explained with a frown.

"bring it when we go to the planetarium," ellie suggested plainly, as if her entire sentence didn't completely cause your pulse to quicken.

when.

we.

"okay," you replied flatly, wondering if ellie could tell how uneven your breathing had gotten. fueled by blind courage, you stared at astronaut ellie when you spoke. "i'm leaving tomorrow, though. going home for break."

"we'll go after break," she clarified, looking at you.

you turned your head to meet her eyes, willing yourself not to flinch at how close your faces were. the green of her eyes were always enchanting, but this close?

you swallowed hard. "okay," you agreed.

and it was official. ellie wanted to keep seeing you after break. you had done the impossible college task, turn a class friend into a real friend.

friend. honestly, it was laughable.

"okay," ellie repeated in a whisper. her eyes bore into yours and you were frozen, wanting to pull away but your body stayed still, feet planted. she was so intense.

you forced your body to move, turning your head away from her and taking a step back. you heard ellie sigh as you moved.

"i was never trying to blow you off," you confessed suddenly, once your back was to ellie.

you obviously had caught her off guard by the way in which she hummed in surprise. admittedly, you had caught yourself off guard too, but it had been weighing on your conscience too much. you couldn't ignore the signs anymore, and as much as you would have loved to wait around for ellie to make the first move, she was too concerned about potentially freaking you out.

"remember when you asked me if i wanted to go to the dining hall with you? the first time," you clarified. "and i said that i was free the rest of the day." you busied yourself by straightening the green throw blanket on ellie's bed.

ellie nodded, even though your back was turned. "yeah?"

"and then i stopped hanging out with you after class."

"yeah."

"i... um, i lied," you confessed suddenly, whirling around to face her.

ellie's features were etched in confusion. "lied about what?" she pressed, her voice low.

all of your insecurities felt heightened by how intensely she was staring at you. you felt cowardly, explaining the next part.

"i lied about being free?" you mumbled, face hot.

ellie's eyebrows knitted together, as if to say go on...

"i have another class on those days, like, about an hour later. but... i lied and said i was done for the day because... i wanted to... hang out?"

you mentally lost your footing but got there eventually, holding your breath once you finished your sentence. the silence was daunting until ellie suddenly laughed.

"are you fucking kidding me?" she asked, eyes wide.

"n-no?"

ellie shook her head. "why didn't you just tell me that?" ellie laughed, clearly amused.

"because it's embarrassing?" you said, believing it to be obvious.

"well, yeah," ellie mused. you visibly deflated.

ellie managed to hold back her laughter as she took a small step towards you. "you could've told me," she reiterated more seriously.

"sure i could've," you mumbled, rolling your eyes. "i was too nervous. it felt so stupid."

"you skipped class to hang out with me?" ellie's eyes glinted with bemusement. you wished she would stop looking at you, you needed a break. you quite literally felt like you were burning up.

"so what?" you snapped in defense, and ellie's laughter escaped her. you frowned, crossing your arms.

"i just wish that i knew that before," ellie shrugged, taking another step towards you. you countered it by taking a small step backwards.

"yeah well..." you shrugged. "i'm sorry. it's weird."

ellie immediately shook her head. "it's not," she pressed. she went from joking to being serious so quickly. god she made your head spin.

"i just didn't wanna-" you were quickly cut off by ellie.

"freak me out?" she finished. your blank expression was enough of a confirmation.

"imagine how i felt," ellie pointed out. "i thought that maybe i... i don't know," she shrugged it off. it wasn't fair, you were totally embarrassed and she kept brushing things off. it was infuriating. she looked so cute in her hoodie.

"maybe you what?" you pressed once again. finish your sentences, ellie.

ellie took a deep breath. "maybe i scared you off."

you shook your head slowly. yeah, these conversations were not typical in normal friendships.

"you didn't," you said. your words were quiet but weighted. you prayed for ellie to catch onto the implication. please please please-

ellie took a step closer. you took a step back. your body knocked against ellie's bed and you straightened your knees.

"good," she said simply, not breaking eye contact.

"okay, enough about that," you laughed weakly. "why did you want to hang out with me in the first place?" you questioned, attempting to change your tone.

ellie's eyebrows raised. "seriously?" she asked flatly, unimpressed with your question.

whatever. this so wasn't fun.

"how would you recommend going about making friends?" ellie asked tauntingly.

"oh, you're putting me on the spot again. let's not do that anymore," you suggested. ellie laughed suddenly and rolled her eyes.

"my bad," she joked, throwing her hands in the air to resign. you smiled but the butterflies in your stomach made you feel sick.

you threw her an accusing look but she grinned, enjoying whatever this situation was. you almost felt jealous, wondering what it was that you could have possibly done that managed to boost her confidence.

"besides, you never answer any of my questions," you argued.

"well you just have so many," ellie mumbled and then frowned. "and yes i do," she defended. "i just answered your question about those pictures being from my birthday."

"ellie," you complained.

ellie mocked your tone, saying your name as a complaint.

you appeared unamused, willing the corners of your lips not to turn up.

ellie dropped the joke-y smile and genuinely appeared to be conflicted. you worried that you pressed too far, maybe things didn't need to come out right now, but you stayed silent anyway.

"fine," ellie finally said. "ask me."

"ask you what?" you quickly questioned.

"just ask me."

heart pounding, you remained still as ellie took another hesitant step towards you. you felt as though there were so many things that could go wrong. it was all dangling, right in front of you. one wrong move or one right move, you couldn't decide which it was, and everything would be out in the open. you were terrified, wanting to immediately backpedal but at the same time, you were starting to feel addicted to the adrenaline of being around ellie. you wanted to ask her so many questions but also, nothing at all.

at once it came to you, and the final exam that you had just taken felt like it had been days ago.

you wrinkled your nose. "what did you mean when you said you didn't really need my notes?"

the expression that registered on ellie's face made you feel as though you had asked the incorrect question.

"i just mean, you didn't say that you don't need my notes, you said that you didn't need my notes which doesn't make sense because-"

"i lied," ellie cut you off.

you gaped at her and ellie took another step, this one even more hesitant. you couldn't move away any further. you resigned and sat down on her bed.

"about what?" you asked, and your voice came out more quiet than you had intended. you felt like your heart was pounding in your ears.

"i didn't need your notes."

"i know, you said you didn't but-"

"no, i didn't need your notes," ellie tried again. "i never needed your notes."

she was treading lightly and you could tell. ellie tried meeting your eyes, but you stared down at your hands in your lap.

"you never needed my notes," you repeated softly.

ellie nodded once, encouraging your train of thought. she let it linger, only for a moment before clarifying. "in the library. the study group."

what?

"you never needed my notes?" your head snapped up, eyes wide as you finally met ellie's gaze. she slowly shook her head, trying to gage your reaction.

you felt humiliated, as if you had forced ellie to study with you even though that certainly wasn't the case at all. she had even encouraged it, initiated it even, but dread still filled a pit in your stomach.

"but you said that you were there for the study group!" you said, grasping for straws. ellie chuckled.

"yeah, i was. just not for the reason you thought."

you tilted your head to the side. "go on," you said, raising an eyebrow.

"i didn't need help. i wasn't there to get help. i was actually there to give help, but the person didn't show up," ellie explained.

you blinked once, slowly. you repeated her words in your mind. you let it sink in.

"oh my god," you muttered, partly in disbelief. "why did you let me help you?"

"becauuse," ellie carefully sat next to you. "i figured... if you thought that i needed help, you would stay."

her expression remained stoic despite the red blush that was creeping up onto her face. your stomach flipped.

"and i stayed," you uttered.

"you stayed," ellie confirmed. "mission accomplished," she offered weakly.

she wanted you to stay. she acted like she needed your notes so you would stay.

ellie was watching you carefully, but you didn't feel pressured to react. you wiped your palms on your pants.

"okay," you began calmly. "i hate study groups. i hate the awkward conversation, being around people that never actually speak to me. i never go to those things. the only reason that i went was because you asked me about it in class. and so i thought that i might see you there. and i wanted to see you," you added the last part, letting the words fall into the open.

"you're fucking with me," ellie immediately said.

"i'm not," you argued, defensive and buzzing.

ellie clicked her tongue in disbelief, eyeing you. shorter strands of hair always fell into her face. you wanted to swipe them away.

"jesus," ellie mused.

"is that why you wanted me to stay? you wanted to be friends?"

ellie winced at friends, and you inwardly cringed.

dear god.

"not friends," you quickly clarified. "well, friends, but..." your voice failed you, but maybe it was for the better. you wished you weren't wearing a sweater, too warm.

ellie said your name, quietly to get your attention. you met her eyes. her mouth slipped into a sly smile when she spoke.

"i sat next you because i thought that you were pretty," she uttered pointedly.

oh! like like like!

your mind and face went blank. "oh," you laughed after a second.

"oh?" ellie questioned, watching you carefully.

ellie leaned into you, elbows propped on her legs. you swallowed hard. you felt like you were watching yourself instead of actively experiencing what was happening. it was dreamlike.

"you're the only reason i haven't skipped class all semester," you blurted out. you grimaced, twisting it into a nervous smile. okay, sure, no time like the present.

ellie looked at you curiously, cocking her head to the side. "really?"

"really," you confirmed, running your fingers along the blanket on her bed.

"you definitely weren't obvious," ellie murmured, looking at you in amusement.

"i wasn't supposed to be, are you kidding? this is humiliating."

"is it?" ellie questioned, eyebrows raised in concern despite the smirk on her face.

"sort of? oh my god, i feel so dumb. i had the biggest-" you paused in hesitation, the word crush hadn't been used yet and you were reluctant to be the first.

like like like!

"i wanted to talk to you all semester," you corrected, still burning with embarrassment. "and when you sat next to me, well, i know that technically i sat next to you but that was my seat first so really all i was doing was sitting in my normal seat where i had sat every other day but then you decided to move seats so really-"

you rambles were cut off, surprisingly, pleasantly, by ellie leaning inwards and placing her hands on your shoulders. you were suddenly pulled towards her as ellie closed the gap between the two of you.

her lips, warm and a little chapped, met your own without a moment's notice. your eyes widened in surprise before you forced them shut, melting into ellie as she brought a careful hand to the side of your face. your heart pounded, butterflies exploded in your stomach and yet you tried not to think, only to enjoy it.

like!

the kiss lasted merely seconds before ellie pulled away, lifting her hands away from you. they hovered above you, the ghost of her touch lingering. you already missed it. ellie quickly scanned your face for any indication of feeling.

you were lost for words, every hopeless hope that you had held and carried with you for weeks turned out not to be hopeless after all. now probably wasn’t the best time to feel shy, but nerves consumed you.

despite them though, you laughed. “so when jesse said someone that ellie likes…”

“yes,” ellie confirmed.

you grinned. “me too.”

“yeah?” ellie asked softly.

you hummed in response, allowing your eyes to flutter shut as ellie leaned in once again. you allowed yourself to be kissed, drowning out your nervous feelings with complete and total bliss.

you pulled away first this time, drawing your knees up to your chest.

"how long?" you inquired, peering to the spot on the wall where the sticky notes were on display.

"since the first day, when a pretty girl was in my class and i had to take the seat in front of her."

"me?" you whispered, as if you were being let in on a secret. in a way, you supposed, you were.

ellie nodded enthusiastically.

"me too," you said with a frown. "good thing you finally spoke to me, 'cause class would've ended before i had the chance."

"good thing," ellie agreed with a hum. you wanted to kiss her again.

"so, is there a reason i got invited to lunch? they said something about you canceling all the time," you mused.

ellie waved it off. "just dina being dina. i was canceling but... there was only so much time left in the semester to try and impress you," ellie joked wistfully.

you shook your head in disbelief. "i can't believe this."

"you? what about me?" ellie countered. "when i saw you that night at the bar, with that guy? god, i was fucking praying that you didn't have a boyfriend or something."

"cute," you responded simply, to which ellie wrinkled her nose.

"oh, and when i gave you my number?" ellie continued on, talking animatedly now. "and you didn't text me at all during the entire weekend?" ellie shook her head, letting out a breathy laugh. "i thought it was over for me."

"i was so scared," you admitted.

"it's okay," ellie reassured you. "we got to the bottom of it."

you smiled, looking at your hands. the silence that ensued was comfortable.

"were you ever going to tell me?" you asked finally.

ellie sighed heavily, scanning your face. "i don't know. i wasn't sure if you wanted me to. i had to be sure." she looked down at your hands, fidgeting and wringing.

you nodded in understanding. "you were sort of driving me crazy these past few weeks. i couldn't tell if you actually liked me or if i was overreacting to everything."

"oh, join the club," ellie mused.

okay, note to self, trust your gut feeling. unless anxiety is controlling your gut feeling. then… disregard completely. other note to self, try to figure out the difference between a real gut feeling and an anxious, fake gut feeling.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

you talked and talked with ellie until the sun went down. you had hardly noticed it had gotten dark. the shades and curtains were open, once letting in the natural light from the day. the room grew dark as night fell, but neither of you moved from the bed. you sat, talking and laughing and whispering and you wondered how cheesy you would seem if you pinched yourself.

time ticked by no matter how much you opposed it, and the threat of morning weighed heavy on you.

"i'll walk you," ellie insisted once you were putting on your shoes.

you glanced out of the window. snow was piling up quickly. it was beautiful to look at, but you dreaded the walk back to your dorm.

"are you kidding? no way," you refused. you felt bad enough the last time that ellie had walked you home, and that night's weather was nice compared to tonight.

"are you kidding?" ellie began putting on her shoes, lacing up her converse.

"i'm just going to go," you threatened flatly.

"okay, i'll just trail behind you and try not to look like a total creep," ellie retorted.

you pushed out a breath of air, trying not to smile. ellie had her jacket on quicker than you did anyway.

when ellie asked if you had gloves this time, you were proud to pull them out of your coat pocket to show her.

"a hat?" ellie questioned next.

"i can't find my earmuffs," you grumbled.

in response, ellie placed her own hat on your head, tugging it down so that it covered your ears with a look of determination on her face.

the walk was peaceful, though trudging through the quickly fallen snow had proven to be difficult. it was beautiful though, and ellie guided you with a careful hand on your arm so you could focus your gaze upward, at the falling snowflakes.

when you arrived at your dorm, you both hesitated in the cold despite your noses turning red.

"ellie, do you want to come in fo-"

"yes," ellie quickly answered. you grinned.

yourself and ellie spent two more hours talking together. you stood back and observed while ellie paced around your room, looking at pictures and trinkets. everything about her was endearing. the shy smile that graced her lips upon seeing the sticky notes on your wall was the reason behind your third kiss that night.

when ellie finally had to leave, she parted with promises to text when she had made it safely. and she did.

you traced her name from the sticky note over and over, emotions swelling inside of you. despite the calm you felt fairly overwhelmed, left with so much to process. positively overwhelmed, at least. no longer would you lose sleep, analyzing and overthinking trying to figure out if ellie could truly like you.

like like like!

you would see her again after break, it was certain. you would text her, not worrying if ellie didn't really want you to have her number.

after all, she gave it to you for a reason... just as she reminded you before leaving for her dorm.

so of course, you promised to text her.

and you did.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

tags :

@pinkfillerose @whore-era @lilisvlibrary @elliefilms @whteflwcrs @jasontoddsdreamgirl @icedcold @sarahsmileslikesarahd0esntcare @evanpetersluver @muthafuckingstargirl @pctcr @illicitghosts @mell0w-mushr00m @queen-arya22 @deafelliewilliams @urmyheartshaka @yourfrenchteacher @me-and-your-husband @blairfox04 @saturnsrem @poopedmypants47 @shehitdenaenae @jrjlc

#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams college au #ellie tlou x reader #ellie williams x you #ellie tlou x female reader #ellie williams fanfic

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askmerriauthor · 11 months

Text

I said the game demands microtransactions, not that it requires them. That's not just me being pedantic about wording, but rather a big indication of how the developers designed the game to work. Pokemon Sleep doesn't want you to play for free and is designed to make playing-without-paying a worse experience.

Like many free-to-play games out there, they operate on the idea of monetizing convenience and "fear of missing out" (FOMO). Such games will either create a problem in order to sell you a solution, or rely on a rotating/limited availability of enviable items to encourage impulse buying to avoid losing the chance to have the item. Pokemon Sleep does both of these.

Despite Pokemon Sleep being presented as a passive "something in the background while you sleep" kind of novelty, that's not the actual gameplay at all. The game actually wants you to be extremely active and paying a lot of attention to it non-stop, along with encouraging you to get others involved as well. Up to 500 potential invitations with a 50 individual approval list of contacts, specifically, and the system "helpfully" lets you link to your Google, Apple, or Facebook accounts in order to facilitate that and further scoop up lots of personal data for advertising.

The basic gameplay cycle of Pokemon Sleep is that you have a 7-day period in which you can power up your Snorlax as much as possible, with a higher power score equaling a greater variety of visiting Pokemon for you to catch. Visiting Pokemon will appear in a variety of sleeping types, of which there are at least 415 to collect (with individual Pokemon having multiple sleeping types). These Pokemon can also be "befriended" by giving them a sufficient number of items, which means they'll then join your team and help you boost Snorlax's power score over time. You can further boost Snorlax's score by feeding it, which the game encourages you to do three times per day within a given time window. Your Helper Pokemon will supply you with ingredients to make meals for Snorlax at different intervals, and the meals you make have different potencies based on the ingredients used.

So, to summarize, you have a limited period in which to get a number as big as it can be, with various randomized factors able to improve the rate of progression, before it all resets and you're back to square one.

Yes, you absolutely can play this game without spending any money. But the game itself is designed in a way that urges you to spend money at every turn. Every element of gameplay is improved if you spend money, and will actively degrade in effectiveness and quality if you don't. Remember how you can befriend Pokemon to help you out with getting Snorlax's score up? That's faster and easier if you spend money. Those same Helpers who gather ingredients for you? They lose Energy (an arbitrary limit put in place by the game system) the longer they're around, and become worse at gathering ingredients the less Energy they have. But, good for you! You can just buy more Energy for them! Rather, you have to make two purchases - the Energy-restoring item only gives back 50% of their Energy, so you need to buy two in order to max them out again. And you can just buy a box of random ingredients too! How convenient! And if you really want to get the most out of sleeping, you can buy the monthly auto-renewing (until you manually cancel it through Google or Apple, not the game app itself) Premium Membership! Which literally makes your sleep more valuable than the same - or even higher quality - sleep of people who aren't Premium members! But you better buy fast, because all of these items for sale are on a rotating schedule and will swap out of the shop at different 15 or 30-day intervals. You wouldn't want to miss your chance, would you?

A core facet of microtransaction pricing is that it's intentionally and carefully designed to never be enough. You'll always be in a position where you need to buy just a little more than the minimum, and it always comes out at odd numbers that never fit exactly where they need to in order to maximize your purchase, and are priced in unorthodox values specifically to trick the buyer's brain into thinking it's a better deal than it is. With that in mind, it pays to look at the minimum and maximum amounts the game wants to try and charge you since that gives a good idea of their intended range of interaction with your wallet, and how far a given amount of paid microtransactions will take you. Because, remember, such games are built around the idea of NEVER giving you enough. They ALWAYS want you to be in a state of wanting a little more and being tempted to dish over some more cash for it.

In Pokemon Sleep's case? The minimum buy-in for "Diamonds" - their premium microtransaction currency - is 60 Diamonds for $1.19. Their maximum? 7000 Diamonds for $97.99. So what this says outright is that the game is designed in such a way that it expects 7000 Diamonds to NOT BE ENOUGH to maintain a player's best experience. Because, again, such games will NEVER give you a value sufficient enough to deter the need for further purchases. This is a game that wants players to spend $100 multiple times over throughout the lifespan of their interest in the game. Will the majority of players do this? No. There's absolutely going to be a number of whales who will, especially among influencers and content creators on social media who make their own career off these sort of things. But what Pokemon Sleep is relying on is that there will be a far greater abundance of players who think "Oh, it's just a dollar..." or 'Oh, this item is going away... it's not even $5, so why not?" on a very regular basis.

And I haven't even touched on the overt security/privacy issues and the personal info scraping the app has potential for as well. So, yeah, I'm just going to go ahead and sleep on Pokemon Sleep.

#pokemon sleep #pokemon #game development #game design #microtransactions

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celaenaeiln · 9 months

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something i’d love to see more of is angsty rebellious teenage dick grayson. i don’t know why i enjoy the trope but the image of dick “golden boy” grayson getting plastered with roy as he slowly sinks into depression before somewhat getting his shit together is an interesting picture

also he just seems like the guy to get impulsive piercings. dunno why

oooh yeah that fantasy's a guilty a pleasure of mine.

I am 1000000000% an enforcer of Dick was not an angry robin. And he wasn't because the comics show just how happy his demeanor was and how fun he is. But angsty teen Dick? 16/17 year old Dick?

I LOVE IT.

Again throwing a little bit of canon in

"When we started this you were open and encouraging. You were my father...but these last few years...all you've been doing is trying to control me even more."

This is so loaded.

The anger Dick feels when Bruce is trying control him, trying to lock him in a cage in the batcave because of worry, has so much ao3 potential.

Like angsty teen dick is so complicated to think about because Bruce acts a bit like an alcoholic father and Dick's compartmentalization issues come from his parents' death. So what would this result in?

I have no fcking clue.

Because Dick would totally get wasted with Roy, hazy blue eyes staring emptily into space, watching with a flushed cheeks as his short black hair fans out on the back of a beaten blue couch at Roy's place, just breaking down quietly as Roy rants and screams about life's injustices in the background, slinging an arm around Dick and jostling him.

Or maybe he and Roy would also go bar hopping, both of them sloppy drunk, laughing and crying at the same time while they max out their daddies' credit cards and then crash somewhere in someone's pool. Maybe they end up inadvertently on Katy Perry's Friday Night music video.

Or maybe Dick would be a hurricane of disaster, lashing out with knives of sharpened words stabbing the deepest, sorest spots of pain in people, his anger alighting a fire in all. He would be magnificent, ferocious, and catastrophic.

He could be any of these three and all three at once.

He would feel the need to act out if Bruce was becoming more controlling.

BUT AT THE SAME TIME, Dick raised Bruce and that perpetually sense of responsibility he's instilled into himself from a young age as well as his self-sufficiency is never erased so one night he would be blacked out from the excessive alcohol but next morning 6'o clock his body's walking up and he's going through his morning routine like a machine and out the door to work. He just keeps going like this day and day until he collapses and the titans intervene or Bruce drags him back to the manor, screaming in love and fear and Dick screams back and the cycle begins.

Nightwing (1996) Issue #135

Like canonically Dick ran away from home at 16, got a job, got caught up in a major anarchist group, and did a whole freaking investigation while Bruce sulked in the cave because Dick ran away.

There's so much angsty dick potential that could go in so many ways because he's such a complex character that all of them apply.

LOL!!! I totally think he would get impulsive piercings too. Maybe when he's drunk and pissed and then the next day he would wake up be like wtf. He'd sit in turmoil and a little regret for a while and then be like whatever because these piercing are freaking cool.

Bonus: no one (except the og titans and Alfred bc Dick never keeps anything from Alfred and the titans are family) ever find out about the piercings and it's kept a tightly guarded secret until a decade later when he does something in the batcave and one of the batkids notice and they're like, "DICK YOU HAVE A PIERCING?!" The rest of them just about break their neck whipping their head around to look at him. Dick just shrugs nonchalantly because time has tempered him and goes, "oh yeah. I guess. I forgot." Bruce passes out and wakes up on the floor to Dick hovering worriedly over him while the rest of the family watches in amusement at his predicament and also half brokenly because their golden boy big brother has piercings. Plural.

Bruce gasped out a pained breath, "Piercings?"

Dick stared at him silently, gemstone eyes holding his gaze as the quiet of the cave melted the seconds into hours. His eyes slowly slid from Bruce's to where the rest of the family was standing, watching them with bated breath for his answer, before they met Bruce's hopeful ones again.

"No." Bruce, with all the strength left in his body after recovering, raised a questioning eyebrow as Dick continued, "I don't have any piercings and never did."

"Hmn." But he swore he could've seen-

The kids erupted in protests.

"Dick, come on!" Jason hollered, pushing forward. "We clearly saw it there-"

"Where?" Dick asked, spreading his arms wide and invitingly, offering them to see for themselves.

The piercing they had all gotten the barest glimpse of was gone from where they had seen it on Dick.

"But you said you! You said, 'yeah. I guess so. I forgot.'" Stephanie put her hands on her hips, "Admit it Boy Piercing!"

"Boy Piercing?!"

"Fess up, pretty boy!"

"Steph," Dick visibly bit his lip to keep from laughing, "I was joking. You guys should've see your reactions - they were so funny!! Dick has a piercing. OMG. You people were hilarious."

Damian clicked his tongue. "Enough Richard! Did you implement metal into you skin like a heathen? Richard, how could you?! Who dare touch-"

"No Dami!" Dick quickly interfered to prevent a possible murder on his behalf, "I was just kidding, okay? Besides, did you guys even really see it? Like full on?"

Harper crossed her arms. "Close enough."

Dick quirked his eyebrow at that. "But you didn't actually see it right? You thought you saw something shining and turned to look. C'mon you guys know what it is - peripheral vision hallucinations. Things you see in your peripheral vision that aren't real because you are tired," He pinned a look at each other, emphasizing the words, "and stressed."

Dick pressed his lips together and folded his arms. "Time for bed. Now. I know you all haven't been sleeping for the past few days so you all are going to bed. At the manor." Dick finished, shooting Jason a look when he tried secretly shuffling toward his bike.

The rest of them were unmoved for a moment but quickly caved under Dick's patented "I'm mom-ing you."™ stare as Jason liked to call it.

They trudged upstairs while Bruce and Dick watched in companionable silence.

Bruce turned to look at Dick as the sounds of their bickering and footsteps faded away.

"How did you do it?"

Dick hummed distractedly and tilted his head to look down at Bruce still sitting on the floor. "Do what?"

Bruce growled, impatience, annoyance, and apprehension swimming in his voice, "Don't lie. To me. How did you hide it? Now. And for so long?"

Bruce watched tensed as the tip of Dick's tongue ran over the ridges of his top row of teeth, the first sign of anger he had seen from him in weeks. The pink flesh of his tongue barely avoiding cutting itself on the slightly too sharp canines that Dick loved to call his vampire teeth since he was little. He had even threw a veteran-dentist-scaring-tantrum in the dentist's office when the man suggested shaving them down once.

Bruce watched warily as Dick crouched down, balancing on his balls of his feet like a cat on a fence, and forcefully tamped down the sudden urge to pull out a hidden batarang when the boy grinned, eyes lighting with the wild fire of joy and madness from his robin days that still had Bruce on edge for decades.

"How did you it?" He asked again, not sure if he really wanted to know anymore but the principle remained. There was no way Dick's activities could be hidden for so long. He didn't invest in his detective following skills for something like this to escape his observation. But at the same time Dick had evaded his tracking skills when he was seventeen and ran away from him. But something so obvious as a piercing would never escape his notice. But a whole 17 year old boy also shouldn't have escaped his notice. However, Bruce had improved. He had gotten better at his job and his skills. Right? Right, of course, he was the best in the world. Dick definitely did have a piercing. But...on the off chance...what if he really had just seen a flash of light? Sweat on a body? The edge of a birdarang? Peripheral vision hallucinations? "Do you?"

"Do I what?"

You already know what I'm asking. Bruce thought, frustrated with Dick for lying. Frustrated with himself for not knowing if Dick was lying.

"Do you have piercings?" Bruce ground out.

Dick laughed, his voice echoing like choir bells in the spacious cave and bouncing off the stalactites to create a ringing, haunting melody as he leaned in closer to Bruce.

"C'mon, B! You know every showman's got his own tricks," Dick grinned brightly.

And you're the whole damn circus. Bruce hissed viciously in his mind.

Dick's eyes twinkled back at him.

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nori-the-cat · 7 days

Text

What is Heesung like as a boyfriend? (Requested)

Remember, tarot readings should be taken with a grain of salt.

As a boyfriend:

Card(s): 10oW, 7oP rx, 2oP rx, AoP, and KoW rx

According to these cards, Heesung seems like a reliable and diligent partner who cares about having a stable and secure relationship.

Heesung would probably take good care of his partner, making sure they feel supported and loved, even with all the things he has to handle.

He takes his promises seriously and puts effort into creating a strong connection with his partner. However, he might get a bit frustrated or impatient if things don't move as fast as he wants, or if it's tough for him to manage his work life and love life at the same time.

Heesung's Potential Red Flag in a Relationship:

Card(s):

Heesung acts on impulses. Sometimes he starts plans or shares ideas but doesn't always follow through. In relationships, this could mean making promises that he struggles to keep.

He also believes strongly in destiny. If things don't work out, he tends to accept it as fate. While this can be romantic, it might mean he takes a passive approach to relationship problems. Heesung might believe things will resolve themselves without actively addressing issues, which could lead to unresolved conflicts.

Lastly, he tends to be over-protective. While this can be seen as caring, it might lead to him being too controlling or suffocating in a relationship. He might try to protect his partner or take care of them excessively, which could hinder their independence and personal growth.

Heesung's Potential Green Flags in a Relationship:

Card(s): KoS, PoW rx, justice, PoC, and death rx

Heesung is someone who values being clear and honest about how he feels and what he wants. Sometimes, he needs a little encouragement to try new things in the relationship, but he's open to learning from his partner's point of view. He strongly believes in treating each other fairly and equally, making decisions together with respect.

When it comes to emotions, Heesung is sensitive and can sense what his partner needs. He shows his love through thoughtful actions that really mean a lot to his partner. Even though he might be unsure about changes, once he's committed, he stays loyal and works hard to make the relationship strong and happy.

In short, Heesung is a great boyfriend because he communicates clearly, cares about feelings, values fairness, and stays loyal. He wants a balanced and loving relationship where both people feel important and understood.

Heesung's Love Language:

Card(s): Knight of Cups reversed

Heesung would like his partner to spend as much quality time with him. So, I think his love language might revolve around quality time in a calm setting where he can feel emotionally supported and understood. His ideal partner would intuitively recognize his need for emotional space and provide a comforting environment where he can freely express himself.

Channelled Songs:

#kpop #kpop tarot #enhypen #enhypen tarot #enhypen heesung #enhypen x reader #enhypen fluff #enhypen scenarios #enhypen imagines #enhypen headcanons #enha scenarios #enha imagines #enha fluff #enha x reader #heesung #Spotify

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solargeist · 11 days

Note

I’m new here and I love everything you’re making already ! I’m just wondering what the story here is?

hello !!!! thank you !!

the story here is uh, an AU of Evo Smp by Grian ! My tag is [here]

i assume thats what ur asking ?

The short version: The story is abt a young man leaving his life behind and joining a bunch of angels, but its not what he thought it'd be like and he regrets it and goes on the run for a long time.

The long version: The angels, known as Watchers, are known to watch players, only interacting to give them new things and updates, or punish them for breaking rules, such as being greedy.

They originally did not like Grian, seeing him as too robust, but over time he catches their (many) eyes, a diamond in the rough... He shows many characteristics of a promising Watcher, he enjoys setting pranks and stalking people, finding entertainment in explosions and traps, and always craving more.

So they start talking to him, they usually don't speak directly to players, only leaving notes, but they talk to him, he's special they say. He calls them the Audience.

The Watchers talk to him often, giving him compliments on his building skills, on his pranks, or they just listen as he rambles abt his life.

Grian is an orphan, I mean he is 25 at this point in time, but he grew up without parents. He has a little sister he took care of, but shes also grown now. Theres a small part of him that has grief over this, that ache, or longing, to have grown up with a regular family, to be taken care of. The Watchers catch onto this, its their job really to notice. They already think of him as a child, but they start acting more familial now, asking if he ate, or slept, or checking him over for any scratches, (much like a mother would--but he swallows these thoughts down, insisting this is how angels are to every player, but its not true, they let him know how much potential he has, so promising ! so special !)

That small part of him really starts to ache and grow.

This isn't the only thing the Watchers do though, they also make a tiny little effort to separate him from other players, quietly isolating him so the transition will be easier. It works, Grian notices his friends not coming around as often, they're probably busy, so he doesn't want to bother them. This goes on for awhile, any negative thought Grian expresses, the Watchers will agree with, in a gentle way... Sometimes people grow apart.. Sometimes you outgrow people.. Its for the better. He festers in these ideas, sometimes just laying on the stone floor of his basement, having not spoken to anyone in days. He looks forward to when the angels come around, even if they're just small floating eyes, sometimes a hand will split through reality and ruffle his hair. (if he leans into the touch, he doesn't realize)

Grian thinks that small aching part of him has outgrown his body.

One day, after who knows how long, the Watchers encourage him to meet up with his fellow players again. He questions why, but they tell him it'll be good for him to go play, theres a portal for them all to go through, a dragon on the other side. Its actually quite nice talking to everyone again, a bit awkward, but they're joking around, and when they find the portal, Grian jumps in before anyone can finish speaking. He was always rather impulsive ! He jumps through and stands alone on a platform, laughing to himself in the dark void, waiting for everyone else to go through. But no one does, the Watchers didn't tell him he'd be alone after jumping through, separated from the group, he feels abandoned. That ache rises again, hurt and anger twisting together, forming embarrassment. The Watchers were right in telling him he doesn't have anyone else to rely on, but them. So he does his quest, he kills the dragon by himself, an arrow between its eyes and it hits the ground behind him, dragging.

Hes sweaty, his clothes are burnt and torn, he's exhausted and he just wants to go home and climb in bed, no matter how dirty he is right now, but before he can go through, an angel statue catches his attention, it slowly moves off its pedestal, having watched his entire fight.

He didn't realize how tall they were off the pedestal, they also wear dark clothes that hide their faces and form, but two large dark wings peak out, its not exactly expected from angels. (Grian is 5'0, every Watcher towers over him)

They talk, and She offers him a place with the Watchers, if he wants to join them..... He's tired, hes hurt, and he's still mad at everyone, how could he say no ? He agrees.

Upon becoming a Watcher and being welcomed into a new world, he gets a haircut, he gets new clothes, and he gets a new room. The buildings rly are beautiful here, he gawks at the architecture, THIS is what he wanted, what he craved, he wanted to do this work too, the tools he could get his hands on has him bouncing on his heels and barely paying attention to the Watcher.

This excitement doesn't last too long, after hes introduced to others and settled in, theres new expectations on him, hes a Watcher now, not just a player, so things are gonna be harder to impress now. The Watchers have to shape him into a Watcher, so they don't let him sleep for a few days, to soften his attitude, they only stop this when he breaks down in exhaustion and tears, but his manners are better like they wanted.

Grian's not allowed to go out by himself, he can't leave the island even if he wanted to anyway, so most of his time is spent within the main few buildings, exploring the halls and library, its a good thing, bc they also make him study a lot, theres a lot to learn abt Watchers and their history, their magic, and their culture.

They don't give him glasses, instead teaching him enchantment magic to use instead, its good to always have Watcher magic flowing through your blood. His eyes are a constant soft purple.

Watchers, being angels, don't rly have to eat, so if Grian wants to eat, he has to ask a Watcher to summon food for him, the fruit tastes good, but anything cooked is always off or completely wrong. If he asks, they'll give him raw ingredients to cook by himself, with supervision of course. (not that he needs it, he is 25 years old and raised himself)

The one particular Watcher that has responsibility over him is named Aether, also known as Watcher Mum, shes the one that makes sure he has food, clothes, and is generally taken care of. She's a lot softer on him than expected, he's so cute ! and tiny ! She can't be strict on him ! She cuts his fruit into little shapes for him, even though he didn't rly ask.

The thing abt having Watcher magic flowing through his body near constantly, is that its slowly changing him. He grows wings, and it hurts so bad he thinks hes dying, they rip out of his skin after a few weeks, splattering blood across his room and bed. Aether cleans that and him up, tending to the wound. She doesn't have worry in her voice when she comments on how bright and pretty his wings are under all the blood. Its moments like this where Grian wonders how much of a mistake he's made, as he stares at the Watchers' extra eyes, and talon hands, he wonders when that'll happen to him, and how much it'll hurt, and how its his fault.

Ah, i'll stop here, its getting very long and I haven't even touched on his run away, or the Listeners, or what Watchers are, or the s6-s8 recovery and relapse arc, or the different timeline connections and his God self he accidentally created and doomed-- i ahve a lot stored in my head *explodes*

#ask #dont ask me abt EvoAU unless ur ready for me to go crazy and ramble #i started to wonder how far tumblr was going to let me continue talking ?

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oldhalloweentape · 20 days

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🪨Venture (OW II) x (fem) reader ⛏️

(DC Raven Reader Edition!)

(Request here! @thequeenofcupps I LOVE Raven sm, I’m so happy to do a reader based off of this character you have NO IDEA.)

- So… You're the hybrid child of a cosmic demon and a human woman, constantly fighting for control and balance against your demonic origins as you learn to harness your powers, attuning to the mystical forces to protect you and the people you love? Rad.

- Now you have a little rock-collecting raven-brained archeologist to back you up <3.

- The usual sarcastic, brooding, and standoffish personality is only natural considering everything you’ve gone and are still going through as a powerful empath of the magical arts—

- But unlike anyone else in Overwatch, Talon, and beyond can click with you like Venture does.

- Leaving many scratching their heads as they see Venture run up to you and you happily wrapping your arms around them, encasing them in that long cloak of yours as you kiss them over and over again on their face.

- As we all know, Venture is all for it, happy as a clam as they get treated with affection by their sweet and grumpy girlfriend :)

- Thinks your glorious and damn near invincible (you damn well can be considered as such) like a Valkyrie, and loves to see you train and fight …. Power is sexy ok?

- And they’re always eager to learn everything about those powers of yours, cause they know well that your magic is a big part of you and love learning about you.

- Which in turn helps them better understand when your emotions and powers are fluctuating negatively.

- This dynamic in general has so much potential, Venture has always had a rather hungry and morbid curiosity. The weirdness and strangeness aren’t much to deter them, rather only encouraging them to learn more.

- They’re the kind of person who can and will take the time to establish trust together to get you where you guys are now, and that kind of bond is something that can withstand a whole lot because of how well you both are attuned to each other.

- If something is bothering you they immediately catch on and get you away from it, and when you’re trying to practice your magic or meditate they know to make sure people aren’t going to disturb you.

- Asks permission before reading/examining your ancient tomes and manuscripts, and considering their career path if you were going to trust anyone with things like this, Sloane is the one to trust.

- In general, the romantic relationship is the best-case scenario for how your dynamic ends up because of how well your personality meshes up.

- For example, you keep Venture from being too impulsive and running into the fray without a proper plan, and Venture provides you a way to be normal— To have a more positive outlook on the life that’s been constantly being threatened with peril, loss of self, and a destiny that other people try to control.

- If you both had a choice, you guys would be forever together, limbs entangled with one another like the Lovers of Valdaro.

- Or move and exist in tandem with one another like Tui and La from Avatar: The Last Airbender in an eternal dance, push and pull.

- An easy and normal life is something you haven’t experienced in a long time, and even the life you had before realizing your paternal heritage was filled with oddities that eventually seeped into a life of learning discipline and self-restraint is something Sloane can’t possibly fathom— But, they knew then and they know now that you’re not an evil force or a ticking time bomb.

- The things you’ve gone through, the trial and strife something they can never relate to— But they have that emotional intelligence and understanding that was able to get through the rough exterior and reveal this extremely caring girl who they came to love.

- Cracking those walls you had open was a feat but it was worth it, you are as beautiful on the inside as a gorgeous geode. They can’t express that enough.

(Also, here’s a shoutout to one of my friends @goohts ! Happy birthday man, I’m so happy to have met you all those months ago, experience life with you has made life a bit easier then it used to be. Your support and help with so many things has given me the strength to be where I am now— I love you!! 💕 🎂🎉)

#overwatch 2 #overwatch x reader #venture overwatch #venture ow2 #venture x reader

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audiblehush · 3 months

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I know this isn’t really relevant to the recent promo we’ve gotten (which I’m still swooning over, for the record), but I’ve been thinking about how some people in this fandom have been fussing over Pen having a potential suitor (or suitorS, we don’t really know) this season, and I don’t understand their complaints, I guess?

… like, I’m pretty sure that it’s meant to MIRROR Season 1.

(…see what I did there? ;)

There are multiple ways in which Colin and Penelope’s stories / situations have mirrored the other. They are not perfect mirrors (that would be dull), but they ARE similar and I truly believe that it’s intentional to reinforce both Polin’s compatibility and ultimately their empathy for the other.

A few examples:

—

Colin: is viewed as the “one-dimensional” easy-going, un-serious, charming brother who never rocks the boat; never gets angry.

Pen: is viewed as a shy, quiet, harmless wallflower who never steps out of line and is kind of a doormat.

—

As a result of the above perceptions:

Colin: is desperate for something to fill his time and energy the way his brothers have something, SO he impulsively courts and proposes marriage to a girl he barely knows to feel needed and wanted in a way that makes him feel mature; and he gets the validation he seeks from Marina, as it suits her needs (I don’t mean that in a derogatory way, she genuinely needed him to be desperate for validation to get a quick marriage). A heady feeling, someone relying on you and telling you that you are desperately needed…

Penelope: is desperate to feel a part of the ton in any way she can, because her and her family are tolerated at best, and heavily criticized at worst. So rather than suffering through the season, crushed, and always on the sidelines against her will, after choosing to start LW —perhaps on a whim, perhaps it was discovered and encouraged by chance like in the books— she “chooses” to hug the wall and not be noticed… (not at all a coping mechanism and a fear of rejection, amirite??) …and she eventually gets the acceptance and validation she seeks by having the ton hang off her every word as LW…. Again, a heady thing for a lonely 17-18 year old who wants to be heard and who craves acceptance, however she can get it.

—

Penelope: has to watch the man she’s in love with, one of the few people who listens to her and who she shows aspects of her true, (sometimes cutting self) with, court and eventually propose to a girl she knows is actively manipulating him.

She then (quickly, imperfectly and messily) interferes to spare Colin from the plot… without his input (after a failed first attempt to appeal to him, in her defense… and then the time limit became a problem).

Colin: quickly and imperfectly interferes in Jack’s ruby scheme in order to fix his own rashness, but also to spare the Featherington family… (without their input, it must be noted, even though he says he does it for them).

…And now in season 3, Colin will need to watch as Pen attempts to attract suitors, possibly while he watches with feelings of jealously if she has some success (Edit: Though I doubt it will get all the way to an engagement; too redundant)

(And this is nothing but speculation, but I also wouldn’t be surprised if Colin either discovers something about one of the suitors, or about another plot entirely and is forced to make a difficult decision regarding it, that impacts Penelope).

—

Penelope: writes things that can have a negative impact on or hurt people, sometimes for her own own comfort (LW), even if it’s not intentional.

Colin: says and does things that hurt others or that are misleading / obliviously harmful, sometimes for his own comfort (avoiding the needling of those men at the end of S2), even if it’s not intentional.

—

Penelope: has self esteem that has been in the TRASH since the beginning of the series - this poor girl hates herself, and has had it reinforced often (and likely from a young age) that her thoughts and opinions aren’t worth hearing, and that she is never enough (and is one of a few reasons why I find the “she wanted Colin for herself!” takes about the end of S1 pretty laughable)… so she hides behind LW. Colin is one of the only people she’s hinted to that she can be biting (Eloise gets glimpses of it), and I think the ONLY one she has hinted at that she has “grand dreams”

Colin: ALSO has self esteem that is pretty low, desperately seeking something that he thinks will make him feel whole and complete, the forgotten middle child (same, bro…), and he masks this uncertainty by flaunting a fake confidence and hiding behind his hobbies and being what everyone wants him to be… also he he can keep people from looking deeper… while simultaneously desperate to be seen by those around him. Pen is the only person he’s really hinted at that he’s unhappy when they discuss purpose.

—

EDIT: How could I forget?! BOTH are the third children in their family. Colin is the forgotten middle child, and Pen is the youngest, but both are criticized by their acting heads of their household (Anthony for Colin, Portia for Penelope), and criticized by their siblings. Penelope’s sisters brutally mock her often: her weight, her skin, her letter-writing, etc. Colin’s siblings clearly mean to just tease him, but it’s obvious how much their lack of interest in him as a person hurts him and makes him feel invisible and unwanted (my poor boy 🥺…)

—

Mirrors, mirrors, and more mirrors. Sometimes they are funhouse mirrors, the situations aren’t ever exact, there are nuances and specific context to each, but imo the similarities are very intentional.

The show is going out of its way to put these characters on more equal footing, and to have each of them make blunders in their lives and in the lives of others, knocked off their respective pedestals, to set them up to be like “wow, I get it, I get YOU and I choose YOU, with all the highs and all the lows” … and I LOVE it!! 🥹

People in this fandom tend to relate to either Penelope, Colin, (or sometimes both), and that’s awesome… but that doesn’t mean they don’t each have flaws. It also doesn’t have to become a “who hurt who more, who is more right?” - I am so uninterested in that: pain isn’t a competition.

What I AM interested and invested in is their growth, seperetly and together, and the removal of their masks to truly see and accept the other.

So yeah, y’all. It’s called a parallel, and I really hope we get loads of them in S3. 🥰

I honestly really welcome conversation and thoughts about this; I’m pretty new to the fandom, but unfortunately I have seen a lot of people (on tumblr in particular) be very “holier than thou” if they don’t agree on an interpretation, and it makes the fandom seem very unwelcoming and makes me nervous to even post things, which is pretty ridiculous. :/

Fandom gonna fandom, I guess. 🤷‍♀️ I just really love this show and this pairing and I’m dying for S3.

#bridgerton #polin #penelope featherington #colin bridgerton

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cardboardheartss · 4 months

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Kpop Twitter Fanwars Mini Reading

⚠️DISCLAIMER! TAROT CARDS ARE NOT 100% ACCURATE! TAKE EVERYTHING WITH A GRAIN OF SALT! IF MY INTERPRETATIONS ARE INCORRECT FEEL FREE TO CORRECT ME!⚠️

Why are there so many fan-wars? : 3oC, 9oC, 10oC & AoC rx

I’m sure we all know the answer to this question lol! Many fans are heavily divided and do not like each other at all. People in their own fandoms generally like flaunting their ult groups success as if it’s theirs, and some fans can get quite emotionally detached and say thee most unkind words.

Are K-Pop Entertainment companies aware of fan - wars? : 7oS rx & KoS rx

The cards may be in reversal but these companies are aware but they don’t want to get caught up in the mess of stan twitter. They honestly think these fan-wars are honestly odd and crazy, they find it pretty arrogant and think fans are too impulsive for theeee most littlest issue.

Are K-Pop Idols aware of the fan - wars? : 4oP rx, AoS & The World

Yes, but they avoid their phones for the sake of their mental health. These idols have phones and have all sorts of access to social media… I would not be surprised some idols could genuinely be lurking around here on tumblr and possibly Reddit too..

How do male kpop idols feel about the fan - wars? : Strength rx, 8oS rx & 9oP

It’s makes them doubt their confidence and their groups potential. They definitely do see the comments of stans saying they doing too much, trying to be like so and so, and blah blah blah. Seeing their fans comments encourages them to actually work harder and push, but for some idols this could lead to them feeling trapped and feel some self hatred.

How do female kpop idols feel about the fan - wars? : The Emperor, KoC, 4oC & PoW

Some female idols get hyped up and feel like they have reached a really high level of success if kpop stans start attacking their groups. I think female idols actually sit together and read all the comments together and probably just laugh tbh. Female idols also think kpop stans on twitter are just bored and have nothing else to do with their lives.

All the comments really rile the ladies up and somehow build thier characters.

I’m aware there are some other female idols who go through a lot of mental issues because of these fanwars, but it seems as if the idols who are self confident and genuinely don’t care about these stuff, had their energies overpowering this response

Do K-Pop Companies control fan wars? - The Star, The Empress, AoP

Yes, they pay a lot of money for PR and also probably pay idols to interact with one another to somehow show the stans who fight, that everyone is “family.”

How does the whole K-Industry overall feel about fan - wars? : 7oC rx

They just think it’s a lot tbh… they have no choice but to let it be, because who has the courage to actually humble kpop stan twitter?!👀😭

#black tarot readers #tarot reading #kpop tarot #tarot #celeb tarot #tarotcommunity #kpop #tarot master list #kpop industry #fan wars #twitter kpop #kpopstan #cyberbullying #HYBE #sm #jyp #yg entertainment #cube #kpop gifs

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lostinvasileios · 7 days

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WAAAGAGHH LUCIFER PATRON???!?1 CANON?!

Soooooooo....

I was meditating last night for the first time in a while. I've been sick, busy, and just plain too fatigued or unmotivated to meditate. And, I know me and Lucifer are spoused. It's a queer platonic thing. He's like a brother, a best friend. That sort of thing. So, I knew of him in my practice, and the means of our relationship. Mortally, and higher self-ly or whatever. He's a god I have tea parties with.

But, I don't expect him to be in my life much, to be honest. He's my dearest companions spouse, so he comes around every once in a while when it's because of them or just because he wants to chill with me or whatever - normal shit.

As I was meditating however, I realized quite fast how just emotionally unstable I was. Almost immediately feeling drowned in my own sorrow and doubts. Um - I'm still doing shadow work, guys. So- this was also normal, but unexpected? I dunno, I saw my dear Pele for a good 30 minutes or so of the meditation, and when our conversation was done, I was sort of... There? I was just relaxing in the state I was in. The emotions had subsided, thanks to my mothers comfort and reassurance of all my racing thoughts.

Completely off topic, I saw Inside Out 2 when it came out. I loved it.

After a good few minutes of me just sitting there in my void state, the emotions came back. But, more so - sour thoughts. Of a personal matter, but, know they were strong. I fought them off gently, knowing if I tried to force myself to swallow them down, I'd just end up erupting with them later.

In the midst of it, out of nowhere, unexpected, uninvited/j, Lucifer came to... My rescue? Idk my deities like to joke about me being their damsel in distress sometimes. (Punching air)

And when I saw him, or - more so - noticed he was there. I was kind of like AAHWHWNBB???? LUCIFER??????????? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE 😱😱 and he laughed for a quick moment before saying "I could sense your distress from a mile away." Pretty much. I don't remember exact with what he said at first because I was still in a sort of - tornado of my own?

He has a history of stepping in and helping soothe me in moments of pain like that, so it wasn't all that weird. But still, it remained... Odd to me. Now, I know this is a fault of mine, but I typically don't see why a deity I am not romantically spoused to would come and comfort me. Parental spouses as an exception, of course.

Lucifer has mentioned wanting to spouse me (my higher self) romantically before, but had let it go due to his own lack of time to give to our potential spousal. But, all in all, I just - if anyone was going to come and comfort me I sort of thought it'd be Loki or Sun. Practically anyone else but him.

Anyway, back to the story- he eased my tears pretty quickly. It's just his charm, I dunno. And, for a brief but somehow also long moment, we sat there. In silence. In the void state of my meditation. Seemingly floating in ink as stars twinkled distantly from us. And, for some reason, I impulsively said "You know, Lucifer... I kind of... Wish you were my patron sometimes."

Like bro, SHUT THEJ FUCICK UP but no no no, I KEPT GOING.

"... If I were to try and be your devotee... Would you... Accept me?"

I was giving straight "You should be with... A real girl" "WHO ARE YOU I AM FROM ANCIENT GREECE" vibes with that one.

Whenever I'm around him, that persistent, parasite ass thought keeps eating at me. Patron, patron, patron, patron. My Patron.

And, I don't know why. I know things like this usually mean it's meant to be or whatever, but, I can say and encourage that idea forever without a doubt for others, but I'm still working on truly hearing it 24/7 with myself. (A rookie move for me. Alas, I am still unfortunately human.)

And he looked at me, a bit surprised. Though I'm quite sure he's known for a while how much I wanted him to be my patron. I mean, holy shit dicks man, he was the second deity I reached out to. He said "no" pretty sternly, but he's said time and time again that it was purely just because I was not ready, and I had to be redirected. I was in my very early teens and very depressed, I understand why completely. And find it funny even.... Also he said he was busy, he didn't mean to sound so - firm? Idk, I hope you just get it lol.

He smiled.

God is his smile beautiful or what???? Anyway

He looks at me with this... Loving, tender expression. And he goes. "Oh? That's flattering. To return your honesty, I'd be quite honored to take you on as my own." He paused for a second, I presume he was thinking a bit deeper before he continued. "Of course I would. With open arms. I'd take you under my wing if you truly desired."

And I almost folded???????? Like oh my LORDS this guy this mmnhahhh

When he said that... I just- I don't know. The atmosphere suddenly began to feel so- loving. Something so powerfully, intensely loving. Like a sudden iridescent aurora just circled around me or something. Like I was walking on rainbows, almost. Drowning in them, more so.

I soaked in that feeling. That feeling of... Him, I assume is what that was. Perhaps it was like a teaser of the swaddles of love he'd put me within as his practitioner. Strangely, the thought of "I am Lucifer's devotee" rings like wedding bells in my head. It sounds so smooth and velvety, so... Natural. Like walking with no shoes on the Earth. Like being - connected? Belonged? I don't know exactly how to describe it.

After a few seconds, he placed his hand to his chest, and I somehow also felt it on my own. Over my heart. His fingertips softly pressed into me as if he was exchanging his own pulse with mine. "Being your patron sounds/feels so right, doesn't it?" He said two words at once there, closing his eyes with it. Making the emotions currently flowing through me and him a bit more - more?

However, I of course had to second guess this event, even though he was practically saying "yes" in every way possible to my question of "should I be his devotee". My mind still nagged with the thought of "he isn't... My husband. He isn't my spouse in the way Satan or Hypnos is. So, why is he even here to begin with?"

As stupid as it sounds, I ended up asking him this. "Lucifer, you aren't my spouse - or - you're not my spouse romantically, at least... So, why do you... Why do you care?"

"Just because we are not involved the way you and Asmodeus (example) are, does not mean I do not care for you and love you deeply."

He shook my world a tiny bit there, honestly. I knew that already, that I don't need to be romantically with someone for them to care for me, but hearing him say that was just... Boom?

But, my brain just - still wasn't really fulfilled with that. And I said "I might... Go and see Asmodeus. This feeling may just be me wanting to be his devotee instead."

How

The

Hell

Did I even get to that conclusion?? I don't know. Couldn't tell you. (I could but it's genuinely so fucking)

Even then, I felt it sort of just - within my core that I wanted to be with him. That I wanted... To be his. Devotee. I have to be specific with that because the way I phrased that makes my brain go "ohohoho? Husband time? Mwah smooch with the devil?"

I might be in denial, now that I'm reading all of this. About not falling in love with Lucifer romantically. Emotions are way too complicated for me right now and I'm writing this while starving so cut me some slack guys please 🙁

To be fair with myself, I often find myself gushing at the idea of being many deities devotee, besides the deities I am already devoted to. Anubis, for example. Goddddsss, Anubis man... That's another post for another time though

Lucifer smiled again, and stood up, I stood with him. He gently placed his hands on my face, and said "Whatever you decide, know I am still forever here for you. But, do well to let me know your answer, yes?" I nod and thank him for being so understanding and stuff. We hug. And, roll credits.

Getting hugged, touched, talked to - hell even looked at by Lucifer makes me feel so... Could 9-y. Like, I feel like a mist of perfume being spritzed on to him. I feel like I'm a piece of cotton candy and he's biting into me, and I melt within his mouth. I feel like the materials of his pillow and I catch his head upon me. I feel like -

Gods help me, I cannot make up a decision about this for the life of me. The last time I was this torn about if I should leap into a deities arms is when I was crying to Selene about if Asmodeus liked me or not.... Coincidence or?? A part of me knows my answer, of my truth. But, I don't know. The majority of me is finding this weird game of I guess - cat and mouse - to be fun. I might just need to eat & go to sleep. I woke up way too early today.

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sqarletsworldlesswandering · 1 month

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Hello there fellow Worldless Fan!

Got any fun headcanons or theories?

Hello hello! (Gosh y'all are so welcoming, I love it-)

Hrmmmmmm. I don't have a ton of headcanons (yet), but I can certainly come up with a few, lol. Mostly for the personality of our beloved duo.

Edda:

Strikes me as the more "professional" of the two (I mean, look at her idle-). However, this is more true early in the game, while we're still chasing Aven.

That said, when actually revving for a fight, she's more akin to a chihuahua in my head. Smol, but Will Fight You. Also true early on, and just takes on a more chaotic undertone as you progress and she has someone to Protect.

She has impulse control, and half the time knows something is a bad idea, but will do it anyway if she's riled up enough. This also tempers out a (very) little bit, and shifts from "I'm gonna do it anyway" to "Let's see if I can scare the living daylights out of Aven."

Has a serious playful streak, once she get's comfortable. Especially when dashing hither and thon and sprinting across water (Aven refuses to accept any challenges to a race after getting fooled once). I like to think this surfaces after merging with Aven, and that beforehand she was too focused on being "professional" to indulge. Aven gets her to chill a bit.

Aven:

The more casual, even-keel of the two, but early on also a bit chaotic compared to Edda's markedly militant undertones.

Also the more playful by default. He seems like he would have a good sense of humor.

That said, I also envision him as being a little more reserved up-front, given that after the initial awakening, he opts to run rather than fight. I always pictured that as a mix of fear, calculation, and reservation, with emphasis on the reservation since something very new just happened, and he needs to process that before he tries fighting the other participant in that.

(Edda: "He asked for no pickles.")

I also envision him as the rest of Edda's impulse control when her inner chihuahua wins out. This is also the part where he develops grey hairs every time she decides scaring him with a stunt would be fun.

Both Edda and Aven have their aggressive streaks, but where Edda has the aforementioned chihuahua vibes, Aven is more of a porcupine/cactus - he prickles at you, and glares at you, but would also like to deter you from starting the fight if he can, and if he can't, he ain't instigating.

Less of a personality note, but that scarf of his is somehow immune to water (joking off of how in-game it continues to flap underwater, and doesn't get soggy and weighed down), and Edda is jealous. (I would like to think that at least once she snags the end of it to use as an umbrella.)

Some other miscellaneous stuff:

Aven would 100% braid Edda's hair if she lets him (which she might, later on).

As much of a fuss as he makes of it, he doesn't actually mind her using his scarf as an umbrella (even though it doesn't work very well).

Aven is the one who likes taking time to explore, and encourages Edda to slow down and enjoy things (I base this largely off of how Edda has faster movement).

The fight with Angel? Yeah, Aven ends up taking back-seat for that one, and not even because he wanted to, but because Edda has found a Groove and he's not sure he wants to interfere with it.

A similar notion is true of fighting Demon, if for...different reasons. (Basing that both on the angst potential, and on the fact that I pretty much only used Aven for evasive maneuvers and fire in that fight.)

Anyways, that got long-

I will add more as more comes to me, and knowing me it will eventually, lol. Hope you enjoy the headcanons!

#SqarletTalks #worldless aven #worldless edda #worldless headcanons #ask box shenanigans

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mysadcorner · 1 year

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Hiii! :D

So, because I saw you did hpd, if it is not too much and is alright I would like to kindly request a Billy Loomis x BPD!reader hcs (borderline personality disorder) i think it would be interesting as he too has a shown fear of abandonment

(and to me is generally a bit BPD coded personally but also that is probably me projecting anyway, I digress-)

But I would love to see how him and the reader as they are both kinda damaged individuals in their own mental state help and love each other as they are and grow as people in the process if that makes sense and isn't too romance novely lol!

Just some good ol Billy fluff yk :0

Thank you so much for even reading this!

have a splendid day!!!

Billy Loomis x BPD!Reader Headcanons

- Credit to the gifs owner - Please be specific about characters wanted in requests -

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• Billy often feels trapped just like you do, except Billy likes to maintain an outward view of calmness around the people he knows. Because he knows how you feel about the people around you, and sometimes his own feelings of himself correlate to your own feelings of yourself, he finds it easy to relate and open up to you.

• Billy doesn't know who to turn to a lot of the time, he feels isolated as if he's surrounded by people who wouldn't be able to understand him for who he truly is all the time. You may not exactly feel the same way Billy does, but he does try to subtly reach out to you by hoping you understand him better than anyone else could.

• If you have any mood swings, Billy would be able to deal with them fairly easily. He can calm you down due to how attentive he is, he notices the small things and figures out through experience what helps you best. It's also something he suffers from, but he doesn't exactly realize it until you help him figure out why he suddenly switches so quickly.

• Anxiety is also something Billy would be able to help you through in private, although in public he may be rather stoic and dismissive about it. He isn't good at relating to other people's emotions, especially when he's in the middle of doing something. But when he notices how much your anxiety may affect you then he tries his best to help you through the situation even if he may experience a little bit of annoyance in the moment.

• Billy is constantly open to doing outlandish things with you on a whim, and Billy's impulsiveness definitely won't warn him about going too far. He may not consider the possibility of you being put in any danger until it's very close, and once he's noticed this he'll try to keep you out of serious danger until he decides he needs you for a kind of plan he's made up with Stu.

• Billy is probably very dismissive about little comments you may make about your mental health until he realizes what you're actually going through. Many of the things you open up to him about he can relate to on different levels, and over time this encourages him to be honest with you and potentially help the both of you seek extra help for any struggles you may be facing.

• If you have something small stuck in the back of your mind concerning something that someone had done towards you then Billy will definitely get it out of you. Even if it's not serious and has been heightened by your thought process, he'll still deal with the person in a way he sees fit. Billy's devotion and obsession aren't something to be messed with when he thinks something may cause you to leave him or ignore him for a little while regardless of what you're going through.

#90s movies #scream #scream 1996 #billy loomis #billy loomis x reader #billy loomis x you #billy loomis x y/n #billy loomis headcanons #scream x reader #scream x you #scream x y/n #scream headcanons #ghostface #ghostface headcanons #ghostface x you #ghostface x y/n #ghostface x reader

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isfjmel-phleg · 8 days

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Most of the comics I'm familiar with veer away from going into any particular depth about their protagonists' religious beliefs, if any. This is a deliberate choice; you can reach a wider audience by avoiding getting too specific about potentially polarizing topics. For instance in Impulse, Max introduces Bart to the concept of religion and encourages him to figure out his own personal views, but this is as far as the issue is ever addressed.

So I was surprised to find that The Ray 1994 not only features a protagonist who has explicitly been brought up religious (Catholic) but also occasionally addresses his faith in everyday life. Is it always a great or accurate portrayal? Well...no. But all the same, I would like to examine the role of religion in Ray's story and how it impacts his character and the narrative.

It is established that the Terrill family, which includes both of Ray's parents and his uncle (by implication) are Catholic. When Ray is forced to live through a version of his father's memories in the role of his father, his mother is seen in the hospital after giving birth, surrounded by a priest and two nuns. They're also present at the funeral staged to convince Nadine Terrill that her infant son died.

(The Ray 1994 #0)

Exactly how devout the family is is unclear, but we do get references to prayer from Happy...

...as well as his confidence that the situations leading to his getting his powers are divinely orchestrated.

(The Ray 1994 #9)

We see less of Nadine's specific faith, but we do know that she refused to have her child aborted when her husband pressured her to, a stand very likely influenced by her Catholic worldview.

And Thomas Terrill raised Ray in the Catholic faith and had him tutored/homeschooled by nuns, the ones seen in the panel above. Unfortunately, the portrayal of Sister Mary Rose and Sister Rosemary (...as you can tell by those names, yikes) is highly caricatured. They're stereotypes rather than believable representations--one of them is exaggeratedly stern and always holding a ruler, for instance, but actually the most egregious thing might be that they're for some reason in league with a guy who has a weird candle-based cult? This is never explained or even brought up again after the first series (which is less sympathetic to Ray's religious background than the second series, I think--the two series had different writers).

So Ray has been tutored by nuns who have somehow strayed into this weird cult and therefore cannot be regarded as reliable in what they have taught him of his faith. This is going to affect his understanding of God, of Christianity.

As does the nature of his upbringing. The narrative doesn't get into what it would be like to be Catholic for someone who grew up not allowed to leave his house in daylight. He can't go to mass. He can't go to confession. He's never been to church at all. Although it's probable that his parish would have some kind of ministry to shut-ins, he would be mostly isolated from his religious community. Has he even been confirmed? We don't know.

We do know that he struggles with guilt, though, and that he associates this with God--not resentfully, but something like a very distant father figure who is constantly disapproving of him. An impression that's not unlike his actual father.

(The Ray 1994 #1)

This is discussed when Ray thinks he has killed Kon. He recalls how Sister Mary Rose taught him to pray and how in that moment God felt real and present to him, but now that he believes he has done something horrible, he feels distanced from God and unable to pray at all. The religion that she portrayed to him is one associated with guilt.

(The Ray 1994 #2)

But it turns out that Kon isn't actually dead, and Ray believes that God has given him a second chance.

And in his understanding, this is transactional, so he believes he owes it to God to save lives in return for that second chance.

There hasn't been much concept of mercy and forgiveness (which are actually crucial to his faith!) in what Ray has been taught. Whenever he experiences some kind of guilt or shame, he returns to the headspace of his childhood/youth with Sister Mary Rose.

(The Ray 1994 #3)

When he first activates his powers, he regards it as a sort of religious experience. Note the cross-like imagery in the panel in which we first see him.

(The Ray 1992 #1)

Later, he describes the light as having "baptized me." For him, this would be an association with rebirth, with liberation from sin. As the Catechism of the Catholic Church puts it,

Having received in Baptism the Word, "the true light that enlightens every man," the person baptized has been "enlightened," he becomes a "son of light," indeed, he becomes "light" himself [...]

And what Ray experiences is a sort of literalized version of that.

(The Ray 1994 #0)

When Ray time-traveled and is involved in his father's acquiring his powers, we see that for Happy, this experience is described in religious terms, especially related to baptism, also. Happy, who is a professional writer, is much more flowery about it, but the sentiment is the same.

(The Ray 1994 #10)

But the difference between father and son is that Ray's understanding of religion, however skewed in other ways, has given him a mindset of humility, while Happy upon empowerment goes straight to hubris.

This issue is titled "The God Complex," something that Happy has clearly developed as he sets out to attack a Japanese fleet in the aftermath of Pearl Harbor. He believes himself authorized to kill these men, even as he prays for them and asks for God's mercy on himself.

Which is rather hypocritical and falls flat as it's reinforced that he thinks of himself as God.

Ray has to intervene and tell him point-blank that he isn't.

Ray seems to believe that his powers do not make him divine but were a fortunate gift that does not entitle him to "dictate morality."

But his father (actually video game villain Death Masque in disguise) repeats this sentiment to him after Ray is struggling with his failure to save every life on a plane whose crash he prevented.

(The Ray Annual #1)

The most overt way in which we see Ray practice his faith is through prayer--something that he learned to do as a child and that was freely available to him even at home, and he does a lot of praying while trying to stop that plane.

Including the Lord's Prayer/Our Father, although as a Catholic, he should be saying "trespasses" and "those who trespass against us" rather than "debts" and "our debtors." Note that he is cut off before he can get to "but deliver us from evil."

Ray's religious views have affected Death Masque, the video game villain he programmed--Death Masque uses religious terminology ("I have no use for idol worship," "I will have no other gods before me," etc.) and has a god complex, probably as a reflection of Happy since Death Masque is initially created as Ray's vehicle for dealing with his dad issues.

Vandal Savage influences Ray's beliefs for the worse by offering him blasphemous advice--telling Ray to baptize himself in his anger and assuring him that he has the powers of a god.

(The Ray 1994 #19)

After going to work for Savage, Ray's faith comes up less often, and he seems to get more out of touch with it as he is led astray by various devil-figures. These include Savage himself, which even Ray acknowledges (he admits in #16 that in joining with Savage he has "made a deal with the devil"), and the demon Neron.

When Neron, in disguise as a woman, offers to make a deal with Ray in exchange for his soul, Ray's response is to laugh at the idea and insist that "you can't actually take somebody's soul." Even when he finds out he's talking to a demon rather than a human, he finds the idea ridiculous and seems hazy on what the concept of a soul is at all--quite a lack of catechesis.

(The Ray 1994 #19)

He initially agrees to the deal but on his way to complete the mission Neron gives him, his conscience resurfaces and he realizes that he's making a mistake.

Later, after he tries to talk over what happened with his mother without actually telling her what happens, Nadine will tell him, "Do what you have to do to solve your problem--but never sell your soul."

And as he gets further embroiled in the situation (part of a crossover event), he prays for a chance to redeem himself.

(Underworld Unleashed #3)

Redemption will be a theme in the final arc of the series, which follows a possible future timeline in which an adult Ray turns evil as a result of his involvement with Savage--metaphorically selling his soul to greed and corruption and power-lust. As he lies dying, murdered by one of his many enemies, a voice enters his head, offering him a chance to redeem himself--"It won't save your life--but maybe--you can save your soul."

(The Ray 1994 #25)

The voice is someone on another planet asking for help, and there's a long story that ensues from there, but the short version is that this chance turns out to be another deal with a metaphorical devil, but he ultimately gives the planet a chance at a better existence by absorbing the villain's energy into himself, and when he is returned to his own time to complete his death, he is able to do so and be at peace.

Back in his own time, he averts the future of his turning to evil by making better choices--saving the life of his still undeserving and ungrateful father, trying to rescue his brother, realizing that his priorities have gotten out of order and breaking off ties to Savage, and reconciling with his mother. None of this is portrayed in overtly religious terms, but the point is his need to do what is moral rather than what is selfish.

In conclusion, Ray is in a worse state when out of touch with his faith--whether through a distorted version filled with guilt or when he disregards his morals. Prayer is seen as a positive thing, showing a willingness to self-reflect and rely on a higher power. The dangers of hubris are illustrated. The powers of a being of light are viewed in a religious perspective, and Ray is even equated to an angel a couple of times (when he arrives in 1941, his father initially mistakes him for Gabriel, and on another occasion, his mother regards him as an angel looking out for her), but beings of light, it's made clear, are not gods but gifted servants. Redemption is an ultimate theme, and Ray is at his best when he is self-sacrificial. The narrative is not hostile to Christianity.

However, it's clear that the series isn't written by a Catholic (Christopher Priest, who wrote the 1994 series, is a Baptist), and even though I too am a Baptist with no firsthand experience of Catholicism, I can see that the portrayal is much less authentic than it could/should have been.

Which is a pity. Stories in which Ray explores his faith in greater depth would have been interesting. It would be enlightening for him to learn more about the mercy and forgiveness aspects of Christianity/Catholicism as an antidote to the distorted version full of guilt that he grew up with. And what would it be like for him to, say, go to mass in a church for the first time? Or go to confession (and find it a great relief)? How would his status as a being of light interact with the concept of "the Light of the world"? Etc. etc.

Ray's being a Catholic is an underexplored aspect of his character, and it's unfortunate that it never got the further development that it deserved.

#comicsposting again #RT: born with the light #my apologies if I am incorrect about something or missed something

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