#but these parents found out they basically had a 1/4 chance that any baby they had would have this because they both carried the gene

[barbatos-sama]

political opinion warning but something that rly irks me is when the people who say "you shouldn't get a pet unless you're financially capable of having it" (which is a correct statement) but they're the same people who upon hearing one say "i don't think people in poverty should be having planned babies" they'll say it's eugenics

[jj-babebank]

Camp Willowdale / JJ Maybank AU / PART 5

Synopsis: Camp Willowdale is buzzing with new campers. It’s Caroline Windsor’s first year as a camp counsellor after attending the camp as a camper for ten years. Little does she know that this year Willowdale Lake is going to be a little different from what she is used to it being… Warnings: future chapters may include curse words, mentions of drugs, mentions of alcohol, mentions of sexual activities, mentions of death. Pairings: JJ Maybank x fem OC Part 1 ; Part 2 ; Part 3 ; Part 4 Masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part 5 -

53 days of camp left

The first day at Camp Willowdale was usually pretty straightforward – campers arrive, sign in, move into their designated cabins where they meet their counselors, then all gather in the Wildcat Lodge to get their schedules, maps, badges and compasses. Ever since Pricilla’s daughter left her, she ditched the idea of having a stable with horses at camp (saying it reminded her way too much of Wendy, and also cost a lot of money to maintain), and settled for scavenger hunts in full scout mode in the forest, hence the compasses and badges. Every camper was given a first badge for participation and would get the chance to earn new badges to add to their collection during their nine week stay. Pricilla made sure that there was a badge for literally everything – from successfully starting a fire to throwing out the trash. She liked to do this to make all the campers feel included and special, which on its own sounded like a wonderful thing, however her actual motives were selfish – happy kids meant happy parents, and happy parents meant money. She also liked to turn everything into a competition, so she established a scoring system that nobody but her understood, where she’d award or deduct points from different groups and the group with the most points at the end of the summer will be crowned conquerors of the camp at a made up end-of-summer event Pricilla named the “Camp Will-all-hail banquet”. Caroline always found the name to be extremely tacky, but much like mostly everything that Pricilla put her finger onto, it wasn’t surprising.

JJ and Caroline had gotten assigned to Teens 2. Unsurprisingly, everyone in their group was almost their age, which seemed like somewhat of a recipe for disaster, as Caroline feared that this could result in the teens refusing to follow orders from someone who is basically their age. She was pleasantly surprised to find out that their group of teens was actually quite well-mannered and well-behaved. John B and Sarah’s teens, however, were a whole different story.

“You sure you got T2 and not T1?” panted Sarah after finally sitting down at the counselors table beside Caroline for dinner.

Caroline smirked, “Positive,” she confirmed, not being able to hide her amusement at the sight of an already tired Sarah, “Why’d you ask?”

“Oh, no reason,” said Sarah sarcastically, “Well, besides all the girls, and I’m pretty sure one of the boys, having a massive thing for John B, and them all quite literally being the spawns of Satan, hm… no reason,”

Caroline laughed at Sarah’s words, looking over at the table where her group and Sarah’s were seated at. Two of the T1 girls were giggling while telling a story, while everyone else’s attention was on them. Caroline came to the conclusion that they would be the It Girls at this year’s camp, bossing everyone around. She couldn’t help but laugh at the irony that it was Sarah who got these two as they were literally mini versions of her.

“Heard my name being called,” John B slid onto the bench across the table from the girls. Now that everyone had been sorted, the Wildcat Lodge seating area had been rearranged so that the groups would be sat together according to their ages, and the counselors would be sat together according to their groups. The head staff had their own table at the very foot of the podium, right next to where the food was, conveniently.

JJ was quick to join their group at their respective table, “What’d I miss?”

“Oh, nothing,” Caroline said nonchalantly, “Just Sarah being jealous over her girls liking John B, no biggie,” Sarah kicked her under the table, earning an, “Ow!”

John B’s eyes immediately shot up, that familiar twinkle of excitement swimming through his honey orbs, “Jealous?”

“As if,” barked Sarah, squinting her eyes at him threateningly.

“We’ll see about that, baby cakes,” John B winked, diving into his dinner.

“So,” said JJ, lowering his voice in case any of the neighboring tables were listening, “What’s the plan, guys?”

Caroline shook her head, “I don’t even know where we could start, I mean, the only clue we’ve got so far is that message we had to scrub off the rock this morning before the campers arrived…”

John B thought for a second, “Hey, wasn’t Topper paired up with her?” he said suddenly.

Caroline’s eyes widened in realization, “John B, you’re a genius!” she said, earning a proud smile from the boy, “Last night at the counting, Topper said something about feeling guilty for not offering her his jacket!” the four of them turned to look towards Topper’s table. He was sitting quietly, barely poking at his food, while the rest of his fellow counselors were having an animated conversation around him. Caroline turned back towards her friends, “Chances are he was the one who saw her last!”

“Yeah, and judging by the look of his face, he doesn’t seem too excited about it,” remarked JJ.

“Can you blame him? I’d be pissed if I was paired with Madison, too,” muttered Sarah, scrunching her nose at the leafy salad in her plate.

“Tonight at the bonfire,” said Caroline, “Sarah’s going to offer him some help with his girls, seeing as he’s dealing with all of his kids alone,”

“Hey, why me?” Sarah frowned at the plan.

“Because you’re the one who had a massive crush on him back in the day,” Caroline whispered in Sarah’s ear, resulting in Sarah kicking her under the table again. Caroline bit back a groan as she smiled forcefully, looking at the two boys in front of her, “Okay, well, sounds like we’ve got a plan.”

-------------------------------------------------

After handing out the songbooks and marshmallows to all of their teens, Caroline, JJ, Sarah and John B took a seat at their designated log next to their groups, which had somehow bonded during dinner and were all laughing together.

“Alright, settle down kids!” Pricilla said, causing everyone’s chatter to die down, “As you have already been informed, it is a Willowdale tradition to perform our very own rendition of Bomfiara every morning and night until the end of camp. The songbooks you’ve been kindly given by your counselors contain the lyrics to all of the camp songs we’re going to be singing this summer, but I’m sure that by the end of it you won’t be needing the books anymore,” Pricilla fake-laughed at her own joke while everyone just started at her blankly, “Okay, well, let’s sing!” she gave the tone and everyone started signing.

“This is so lame,” said one of the girls Caroline proclaimed as “It Girls” earlier that evening, “We’re too old for this BS,”

“You got that right,” mumbled Sarah.

“Oh, come on, I love it, it used to be our favorite tradition!” whined John B.

The two girls squealed and started pinching each other, immediately opening their songbooks and joining in on the singing, making intense eye contact with John B with their best seductive looks. Sarah rolled her eyes at the scene.

“See?” she whispered to Caroline, “This is what I meant!”

Caroline smirked at the blonde girl, “Am I sensing… jealousy?”

Sarah scoffed at the remark, “Pf, yeah right,” she said defensively, “I’m just annoyed that they’re only listening to what he’s saying and we’re supposed to be counselors together.”

Caroline nodded slowly, pretending to be buying the story, “Yeah, sure,” she turned to look at Topper, who regardless of the fact that he was surrounded by his group and fellow counselors, still seemed down, the camp fire illuminating his distant face, “Speaking of together, when do you wanna go talk to Topper?”

Sarah followed Caroline’s gaze towards the boy, “Once this stupid song is over,”

Caroline nodded and both girls turned towards their group again, where the It Girls were still making sexy eyes at John B, who seemed totally clueless to their approach as he was belting the lyrics of the much familiar song out loud, waving JJ’s hands every so often.

Once the song was over and everyone got back to their regular chitchat, Sarah stood up and straightened her shorts and camp sweatshirt as she made her way towards Topper.

“Hey, Top, this seat taken?” she said, referring to the empty spot on the log next to him where Madison was supposed to be sat.

Topper looked at Sarah as if she’d just said a distasteful joke, “Hey, Sarah…” he muttered, “Obviously not,”

“Awesome!” Sarah smiled widely, plopping down next to the boy.

“So,” Topper started awkwardly, “What brings you here?”

“Saw you from across the pit,” she explained directly, “Couldn’t help but notice that you seem lonely,”

“Yeah, well,” Topper looked at her with a look of disapproval once again, “I sort of am,”

Sarah pretended to only just realize what he was talking about, “Riiight… So, about that,” she chirped again, “Last night you said something about a jacket?”

Topper sighed, “Yeah, Madison said she was cold when we were in our cabin and instead of offering her my jacket, I sort of felt… relieved that she was going to leave me for a second to go grab hers. I should’ve known that something was wrong when she was gone for over 10 minutes, instead I just laughed around with Kelce and the boys and then we heard the scream…”

Sarah rolled her eyes, “Oh, please, you’re not blaming yourself for it, are you?”

“I mean, I kinda am,” Topper confessed, “If I wasn’t too caught up in being annoyed that I’d been paired up with her, I’d have just given her my jacket or followed her to your cabin to get hers and none of this would’ve happened,”

Sarah tried putting on her best apologetic smile as she reached for Topper’s hand, taking him by surprise, “Look, Top, I hate Madison just as much as the next person, but I hardly think any of this was your fault. She probably just used the jacket as an excuse to ditch and got excited to see her rookie boyfriend, hence the scream,”

Topper frowned, “Don’t tell me you actually believe all that?”

Sarah shrugged, “I mean, she was a drama queen,”

Topper pulled his hands away from Sarah’s, shaking his head, “Just go, Sarah,”

Sarah looked over towards her friends across the fire pit who were all staring at her in anticipation, as she shrugged her shoulders and mouthed them a, “Sorry, I tried,” making her way back to where they were seated.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Camp has finally officially begun and so has the search for truth ~~ As always, let me know what you think, I hope you are enjoying the story so far, I'm super excited to be writing this xxx

tags: @k-k0129 ; @hayleyy-l ; @marvellover04

Part 6 here

[tanoraqui]

tanoraqui

Still thinking about an au in which for some reason WWX and the Wens are left to just live peacefully on the creepy death mountain - some detente wherein they don’t leave the mountain ever and in exchange no one tries to visit ever. Borders patrolled by corpses and sect disciples. So A-Yuan grows up raised kind of collectively but mostly by WWX and Wen Qing (the one most likely to tell WWX that he’s doing it wrong), and learns healing-focused spiritual cultivation AND demonic cultivation, and then at some point starts sneaking out to be the terrifying force of righteous kindness he was always going to be

tanoraqui

Righteous kindness but also, like, having picked up WWX’s cavalier confidence (or at least some of the ability to fake it) and Wen Qing’s general attitude of Do No Harm But Take No Shit

Like IMAGINE

tanoraqui

In this au, despite the strict border-by-mutual-agreement that’s the only reason somehow no ones tried to attack, LWJ sneaks in like one a year so he and WWX can make eyes at one another but not actually say anything ever, and Wen Qing and LXC are both EXHAUSTED bc both their dumb little brothers (WWX is a sibling by adoption now don’t @ me) mope for like a week after EVERY SINGLE TIME THIS HAPPENS, and it’s been /over ten years/.

tanoraqui

Meanwhile Jiang YanLi and JZX are FINE, and JYL somehow keeps up some sort of correspondence with WWX - or at least, he’s faithfully managed to send a birthday present for Jin Ling every single year, and every time, JYL makes her son write a thank-you note and bribes some series of people to get it smuggled back to Yiling

tanoraqui

...which means, honestly, that Jin Ling is probably wildly curious about his uncle the evil demonic cultivator kept trapped within the terrible ghost mountain by the forces of Good and Right, and WILL sneak out one day to try to visit. Optimally, obviously, at the same time Wen Yuan is sneaking out to see the non-mountain world

tanoraqui

The optimal plot is that Wen Yuan ropes Jin Ling into helping him set up WWX and LWJ, because he, too, is exasperated at this point, and Jin Ling ropes Wen Yuan into arranging like a parent trap reunion for the Jiang siblings, and obviously there are monsters and undead to complicate it all

tanoraqui

They kind of acquire Lan Jingyi somewhere, somehow. He’s having a blast

There is a 100% chance that the first Adult(TM) to find them is Wen Ning and they just kind of rope him into whatever the hell is going on at the time

...you know what, I think this is just a good au where JGY fucking died at some point

tanoraqui

Maybe someone threw him down the stairs again and he just broke his fucking neck. WWX is still vilified but between Jiang Cheng not really wanting to attack and Jiang (Jin?) Yanli being AGGRESSIVELY against it, and dragging JZX along with her, they’re left in peace.

tanoraqui

Oh man and Jin Ling has YOUNGER SIBLINGS in this...

Hey for u: Jiang Cheng/Wen Qing can accidentally happen while the Teens are trying to get everyone else to meet

Today at 8:42 AM

@professorsparklepants

I love this it's so goddamn wacky

tanoraqui

I just want teenager-based shenanigans ft. surprisingly competent teenagers and all the adults running around like chickens with their heads chopped off

professorsparklepants

Jingyi: why are you two more calm about this than the literal adults

Wen Yuan: have you met my dad?

tanoraqui

Also to be clear it is not at all hard to convince Wen Ning to join Team: Teenage Shenanigans, bc literally ANYONE in the Burial Mountain village would probably be down if you were like, “we’re engaged in a conspiracy to make Wei Wuxian fucking admit that he’s in love with that Lan guy who visits a couple times a year”

professorsparklepants

"This is my father, and this is his sugar daddy."

tanoraqui

I kinda wanna say he goes by “Wen Yuan” more often bc he’s 100% the baby of the entire remaining Wen clan there, but his adult name or w/e it’s called IS Wen Sizhui, because WWX asked LWJ if he had any suggestions and LWJ said this while maintaining eye contact

professorsparklepants

OH MY GOOOOOOD

tanoraqui

They meet LXC and he figures out what’s going on in like 4 minutes, despite the teens’ best attempts at obfuscation, and instead of calling anyone’s parents is like, “okay, I’m in”

professorsparklepants

#1 wingman...

tanoraqui

Jin Ling and Wen Yuan are definitely both traveling under false names, too? Wen Yuan obviously can’t admit to being a Wen and Jin Ling is making a privileged but slightly helicoptered teen’s rebellious bid for freedom

professorsparklepants

His dad is panicking at home and Yanli is like "boys need their freedom :)"

I saw a post forever ago about how Yanli would be the most hands off parent & Zixuan is an only child who would panic every time his kid fell down

tanoraqui

With a side order of “my mother is the only one who’ll say nice things about the Yiling Patriarch and she always looks sad when she does so I’m going to sneak into the Burial Mountain and either drag him out to see her or force my parents to come get me”

professorsparklepants

"I'm gonna beat up the Yiling Patriarch" "why" "he made my mom sad" "okay proceed"

tanoraqui

^ actual real conversation with WenYuan

professorsparklepants

A-Yuan then repeats the same thing to Wen Qing and she has the exact same answer, verbatim

tanoraqui

Side note: Wen Yuan has never been scared of the undead in his entire life, and probably this will lead to getting into severely life-threatening situations when he doesn’t have more backup than 2 other teenagers

professorsparklepants

Oh absolutely

professorsparklepants

He's so used to tuning out the sound of sentry corpses that one jumps on him and almost punches his lungs out

tanoraqui

Also what if he took WWX’s sword, so he looks like a proper normal cultivator - honestly, what if WWX gave him the sword when he turned 12, or whenever one customarily gives a child a sword in this world. He also has a flute stashed in his robe somewhere but he does know how to use both

tanoraqui

But also, while obviously it’s very important that this is the sword he inherited from his father, it’s never OCCURRED to him to, like, strongly associate it with WWX, in terms of “this would be a recognizable weapon”? Chenqing the flute, obviously, but WWX just left the sword on a shelf all the time

professorsparklepants

He's very good at fooling people into thinking he's a normal rogue cultivator until he busts out the flute

LOL YES

tanoraqui

So the first time someone looks at him and is like, “That is WWX’s sword” he achieves, like, “Who’s Morales? [NOT THAT DUMB]” levels of blank-brained

professorsparklepants

It like, doesn't even occur to him that this stick named whatever will be recognizable to people until it actually happens

"this is the Yiling Patriarch's sword!" "... I've never heard of him"

tanoraqui

“What sword?”

professorsparklepants

KDJAKSNJS

tanoraqui

“Oh, THIS sword? I...found it. In a stream.”

tanoraqui

Also...at some point...once the teens have admitted their identities to one another...and possibly gotten into a couple other increasingly public shenanigans...they run into a bunch of concerned people searching from the Jin or even Jiang sect - JC being there would be PERFECT - and Jin Ling is like, “aaahh, no, I don’t want to be dragged home... kidnap me.”

WY: what?

JL: pull out the flute, summon a couple corpses, shout that you’re the dread son of the Yiling Patriarch, and pretend to kidnap me

WY: ...yeah okay

AND THEN THEY DO THAT

professorsparklepants

The dumbass energy...... off the CHARTS

tanoraqui

They’re 15 and neither of them has ever faced consequences but in...actually not too different ways

They’re 15 and neither of them as ever faced consequences nor most of the real world

Oh my god is Lan Jingyi the most sensible person here

They’re going to DIE

professorsparklepants

JXHAKAJAKKQHSJA

JC and Yanli immediately see through this probably

"dumbass kid just doesn't want to go home. I'll break his legs."

tanoraqui

I think Yanli does but I have minimal faith in JC’s ability to think logically at any time

He’s still angry at WWX for leaving

professorsparklepants

Stomps to Yiling to demand his nephew back & wwx's like "lol, A-Yuan left two months ago"

Okay my shift is starting later

tanoraqui

/snort

Though, bold of you to assume that WWX isn’t also running around anxiously somewhere like “oh god, oh no, my son is missing; I must find him”

professorsparklepants

Sizhui is a responsible boy, I don't think he would leave without telling at least ONE person where he was going

tanoraqui

Ok but it was Wen Qing who thinks it’s good for WWX’s health to stop brooding and go run around like a headless chicken instead, optimally if he runs into his totally-not-a-boyfriend-Hahahaha-why-would-you-say-that

Alternately it was, like, Granny, which, ditto

No one on this mountain is going to stop WWX from going out to cause trouble and hopefully get laid, is my point

tanoraqui

Also, the cultivation world has been basically at peace for 13 years and the reason is that this is an ideal AU where JGY is dead and whenever trouble starts to stir politically, NHS and JYL meet eyes across the room and mentally Rock Paper Scissors over who has to manipulate everyone into calming the fuck down

Neither of them actually wants this job; they’re just good at it and recognize both those aspects in each other

professorsparklepants

LOLOLOL

That is.... so goddamn in character

tanoraqui

concept: JYL and NHS are friends and no one else understands it, or attributes it to JYL just being that nice, bc NHS still generally acts useless

professorsparklepants

Nhs actively wants to be useless and life is conspiring to make sure he can't

tanoraqui

a little less dramatically useless, but why ruin a good thing when you're having fun and it's useful

professorsparklepants

Lol

tanoraqui

but JYL fucking identified him as Actually Competent one time when he couldn't hide it, so now sometimes they get tea together and bitch about politics and stupid people

professorsparklepants

He's the only person who can correctly identify when she's talking shit about people, because it's VERY subtle and her brothers & husband are too busy thinking she hung the moon to notice

tanoraqui

JYL striding into Nie sect HQ (whatever it's called) and tossing her coat over a chair. "You would not BELIEVE what my brothers are doing now."

NHS: *probably knows, because he's found that the minor investment of effort in maintaining a very good spy network pays major dividends in helping him avoid greater work* *immediately sits up and pours her a cup of very expensive tea* Oh, girl, dish.

professorsparklepants

Question: are they also friends with lwj...

tanoraqui

yes but he's obviously not invited to hte political gossip sessions

professorsparklepants

I'm trying to imagine lwj making eye contact with them at some meeting his brother dragged him to and both of them struggling not to break into hysterics

tanoraqui

but they both know that he sneaks into Yiling to visit WWX a few times a year, and every single time, JYL sits him down within a couple weeks and aggressively debriefs him as to her brother's condition

professorsparklepants

I'm sure she tried to get him to take treats in

tanoraqui

for sure

it's hopeless, though, bc there's no really predicting WHEN he'll go? It's basically just "every 4-6 months when LWJ's resolve breaks"

professorsparklepants

Too bad she's not a stress quilter instead of a stress baker

tanoraqui

she gets him to go at an actual arranged time, bearing pork soup, like once, for WWX's 30th birthday or something

professorsparklepants

:)

tanoraqui

omg lit brain: LWJ of course is hte WORST for getting gossip, but JYL has pieced together a reasonable amount about the people her idiot baby brother (#2) is now living with. And she's mildly despairing as to idiot baby brother #1's ongoing refusal to get married and have an heir or three. So she, if not actively connives, then certainly siezes the first available opportunity to set Jiang Cheng up with Wen Qing

tanoraqui

basically, this au is PEAK romcom

tanoraqui

...also, for max happiness, i'd like to think that WWX made some strategic raids to rescue additional Wen refugees and bring them back, so there's a properly populated village and they didn't all just die

professorsparklepants

!!!

Good... Good thoughts

Good because 1. more people die and 2. The Yiling Patriarch will attack your village and steal your people away!

tanoraqui

(romcom being exclusively adults-focussed; the teens initiate it all but Jin Ling and Wen Yuan are both so delighted to have an Additional (But Cooler) Family Member that they comfortably cousinzone each other instantly)

professorsparklepants

*nice*

tanoraqui

...i feel like i keep characterizing Jin Ling as an only child, when really he ought to have a small horde of siblings

maybe they just...couldn't conceive more. shit happens. pregnancy is hard.

professorsparklepants

That happens sometimes

[terrm9]

The Ray Women

Ethan and Chiara visit her family in San Francisco for the first time.

Set in the renovations period between Book 2 and Book 3.

This is the fourth part of the mini series The Couple & the Others. Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 can be found here.

Words count: 4 200

Author’s note: The final part is here! I do not think I have much to say, other than THANK YOU to Ruby @starrystarrytrouble​ for this beautiful moodboard and for reading the last part back then!

Warnings: mention of death (it’s Chiara’s background, there is no way I could have avoided that), other than that fluff

Ethan let out a long exhale as soon as they stepped out of the airport hall and he felt the first rays of San Francisco sun on his skin.

There were several reasons why he never considered to leave Boston and its reasonable climate was most definitely big part of those reasons. Boston was... normal. Bearable. San Francisco was hot and the wind was barely there and the sun was too bright and-

He turned his head to look at Chiara and decided to snap his mouth shut before he could mutter something about the hell being colder.

Chiara, with the wide smile on her face and eyes closed, the whole face turned up to absorb as many of those annoying rays as possible, looked exactly as she should at the moment. Like she was finally home.

It was no secret that Chiara loved warm weather and complained about the one in Boston for the good part of the year („How does your ass not freeze in this damn city?“) and until this moment, Ethan didn’t really think about it. But now, the situation was reversed and only now he realized that he would most likely never agree to live in San Francisco, because he wouldn’t bear the heat.

And Chiara was undoubtedly dedicated to stay with him in Boston, even though she could hardly bear the cold.

„Why are you staring at me?“ she opened her eyes suddenly and tilted her head slightly to get a better look at Ethan.

Deciding not to get into discussion about weather and how it spoke volumes about the difference between them – especially not now, when Diana was about to come to pick them up any minute – Ethan answered with a statement that was not at all untrue.

„Because you are beautiful.“

Chiara let out an amused laugh at that and squeezed the hand she was holding, but it didn’t escape Ethan’s notice that her cheeks flushed and not from the shining sun.

The moment of silence and unspoken confessions between them was quickly interrupted by a delighted shriek coming from behind them and arms – bare arms that didn’t look bare because of the tattoo sleeves decorating them, Ethan noticed - wrapped around Chiara’s shoulders just a moment after.

„Alicia!“ Chiara screamed when she turned around and hugged her sister tightly, the moment lasting long enough for Ethan to absorb the only Ray he hasn’t yet had a chance to meet.

Chiara talked about her younger sister a lot ever since they agreed to visit San Francisco – or rather, she warned him about Alicia.

„She is wild.“

„Should that surprise me?“ Ethan didn’t even bother to look up from his medical journal. „She is your sister.“

„Oh no, you don’t get it. She is really wild. Alicia is the copy of my mother, the exact younger version of her. And she is... she is out of this world. The laws of nature do not apply to her. She is loud and gestures too much and speaks her mind too freely and she doesn’t walk, she bounces and she... she is wild, Ethan.“

And it went like this for weeks. Even the flight from Boston was filled with Chiara’s occasional „please do not be surprised“ and „it is who she is, it is nothing personal“.

Ethan met Diana once before, although the circumstances were so tense they both tried to forget it. Chiara was fighting for her life and the whole hospital was fighting to find a cure in time – and Diana flew to Boston, her voice shaking and eyes wide and she pleaded, begged Ethan to save her daughter because she wouldn’t survive losing another child.

Neither of them wanted the first meeting to be that way, but life had its own way in creating surprises and so Ethan knew that Chiara inherited her mother’s hair but not her eyes‘ color, he knew what her voice sounded like and that she loved her children more than life.

All that Diana remembered about Ethan from those three days she spent in Boston back in November was that his voice was soothing and calm while his eyes were terrified and just as pleading as her words and that he managed to save her little girl.

Chiara didn’t lie when she said that Alicia was a copy of Diana – her hair, just as Chiara’s – were the color of a summer sky seven minutes before the sun set completely, but unlike her mother’s or sister’s, hers were not falling on her shoulders in soft waves. Her hair were much longer, falling almost to her waist in dozens of dreadlocks. Several piercings on her face – her lower lip, her eyebrow and her nose – attracted attention and Ethan had to fight his sudden urge to ask her if the upper part of her body is hot and her feet are cold when he noticed her outfit, made of a tank top and high-waisted shorts combined with black leather boots.

She is barely 20, he kept telling himself, an obvious explanation of the difference in their points of view. And she is wild, as Chiara reminded him so many times.

„So you must be the famous Dr. Ramsey, huh?“ Alicia turned to Ethan so fast he almost didn’t manage to look away from her. „Nice to finally meet you... in person.“

She winked at Chiara at that, earning herself an annoyed glare from Chiara, something Ethan wasn’t used to seeing often.

„Ethan is just fine,“ Ethan nodded, shaking Alicia’s hand – as impossible as it felt, even smaller than Chiara’s. „It is very nice to meet you too, Alicia.“

Alicia didn’t even try to be subtle as she took Ethan in and he tried his best to hold her gaze, to not give her any reason to doubt him as the right person for Chiara.

Finally, Alicia sighed dramatically, the sound that startled Ethan visibly, as he had not a single clue of what that sigh was supposed to mean – did he disappoint her already?

„Mom was supposed to pick you up but she had some work to finish in the atelier, so she sent me.“

She turned on her heel at that and without sparing as much as another glance, led the couple to her car.

And saying that Ethan was nervous would be an enormous understatement.

*** *** ***

Whether Alicia set up some kind of test on Ethan and he passed or she was just trying to make him feel uncomfortable – knowing rather well that nobody else would – and it stopped being fun, Ethan didn’t know. He knew, however, that there was no trace of tension or hostility in Alicia’s behavior from the moment they stepped into the house.

By the time Diana came home and joined them, Ethan has seen the whole spectrum of Chiara’s annoyed glares, along with her embarassing teen-years photos and love letters she wrote to Milo Ventimiglia when she was eleven, believing that he would read them one day.

„She‘s always had a thing for older men,“ Alicia winked at Ethan at some point and part of him wanted to feel embarassed, but it took one look into Chiara’s diary filled with Keanu + Chiara or Chiara Reeves notes and yes, Alicia was right.

Chiara has always had a thing for older men. (And he should be glad.)

Sitting in a cosy living room, Ethan didn’t feel uncomfortable, not in the slightest. He felt welcomed and overly happy that he finally had something to tease Chiara with in return.

The room was bright and filled with so many photos, Ethan felt like in an art gallery for a moment. There were pictures on the ledge of a fireplace, on the walls and on every shelf. Pictures of babies and toddlers and kids, all with the same red hair and wide smiles; wedding pictures of Chiara’s parents; pictures of a man Ethan never got to know but recognized in an instant, the greenness in his eyes so well imprinted to Ethan’s mind, as Dorian’s oldest daughter was the only child to inherit the colour.

Pictures of a happy family, of a family Ethan so long wished to have and that was took away from him at the age of eleven. With an ache squeezing his heart, he realized that Alicia was barely thirteen when the happiness of their family was taken away from her. Just a child, just as he was all those years ago.

„Dorian would love to talk to you, if he was here,“ Diana smiled at Ethan, breaking his thoughts.

„He would?“

„I am sure,“ she nodded, the smile not – never – leaving her face. „He always missed a rational brain in this house – I am an artist with my body and my soul, my head always somewhere far away, ignoring the basic laws of this world. He would be so delighted to talk about science and medicine with you and I am sure by the end of your stay, he would just nod and nod and say „A good man, this one“, without even trying to give you the typical talk about his precious daughter deserving only the best,“ she laughed at that and Ethan tried to laugh too, but the lump in his throat made the task impossibly hard.

It has been seven years in which the Ray women had to learn to live their lives without Dorian and Liam, but the way they talked about them today, with so much love and gratitude, it made Ethan feel as if they never truly left the house.

„Yes, and I would just ask him something like Dad, aren’t you gonna fight for me?, and he would just laugh and tell me that he didn’t buy Dr. Ramsey’s book all those years ago just to scare him off now,“ Chiara chuckled.

After exchanging some more stories of Chiara’s childhood, Diana decided to start cooking a dinner and just as she was leaving the room, she said: „You kids stay here and catch up some more,“ which was an innocent statement, truly, but it left Ethan feeling rather awkward – was he supposed to leave with her or did she count him as a kid too? Considering the fact that his age was closer to Diana’s than Alicia’s, he could hardly be sure about anything.

In the end, he stayed with the sisters that seemed like they were not physically capable of not talking, the only moment of silence falling over the room when Alicia left to make them all a coffee.

But it didn’t last long and for a moment Ethan wondered if Chiara has talked that much naturally and only learned to control herself around him.

Was he changing her personality?

„I met Marc the other day,“ Alicia spoke again while handing Chiara her coffee, her tone light.

Ethan felt his jaw tense at the mention of Chiara’s ex boyfriend name and despite himself, he held his breath while waiting to see Chiara’s reaction.

„You did?“ Chiara asked with her eyebrow raised, sipping the hot beverage slowly. „How is he?“

„Handsome as always,“ Alicia smirked, sighing dramatically again. At this point, it didn’t even startle Ethan anymore. „He still looks like Harry Styles with those long hair.“

Ethan has never heard the name Harry Styles before but seeing Chiara’s amused grin and the way she just playfully bumped Alicia’s shoulder with hers – and that was the only reaction she gave away at Alicia’s description of her handsome ex – Ethan slowly, subtly took his phone out of his pocket and seeing that the Ray sisters paid him no attention, he decided to do his research on who the famous Marc resembled.

Harry Styles was... young. And rather good looking. With the dark hair and bright eyes, it would be easy to say that Chiara had a type (if Marc really look like that), but that was not enough to calm down that weirdly uncomfortable feeling that tried to raise up his throat.

Marc was as old as Chiara and it was no secret that even all those years after the break-up, the two were rather friendly. And he looked like this Harry Styles guy.

As much as Ethan hated to admit it, there was a name for that feeling, the name known to him but no, he was not-

He shouldn’t feel jealous of Chiara’s ex.

But Marc was young and handsome and did Chiara feel the need to talk less around him, less than she wanted? Did Chiara feel that need with Ethan?

This was stupid, Ethan knew. Chiara chose him and that should have been enough.

But Marc probably didn’t hate San Franciso’s weather as much as Ethan did.

Ethan became so lost in his own stupid, not at all rational thoughts, that he didn’t notice how Chiara left the room to help Diana in the kitchen. He only noticed Alicia’s intense gaze on him, amused smirk on her lips and maybe there was a trait that both Ray sisters carried proudly, maybe Alicia’s ability to observe was just as great as Chiara’s and maybe – probably – she knew exactly what was on Ethan’s mind at that moment.

*** *** ***

„So what do you say?“ Chiara couldn’t help but ask the moment she closed the door.

It was not that she wanted her mother to tease or test Ethan, but was her family really giving up on her so easily? Were they all just ready to give Ethan their blessings and wishes of luck with Chiara, without as much as making sure his intentions are pure?

It was not fair towards him, she knew. Alan has been nothing but kind and exceptionally nice to her, always. And Bryce did make Ethan sweat at the stupid brunch all those weeks ago.

Still, she just wanted to see him flush and stutter. Just once. Just for fun.

"He is as handsome as the pictures you have been sending," Diana grinned at her oldest child over her shoulder. "Maybe even more in person."

"You know that is not what I am asking," Chiara whispered, not wanting Ethan to hear the conversation. It was not that she didn't agree with her mother, but anyone could appraise Ethan's good looks. And Diana was not anyone - her opinion mattered to Chiara more than she'd like to admit.

"I know Ethan is a great man for you, darling. He makes you smile so much I can see these little wrinkles around your eyes," Diana gestured at the corner of Chiara's right eye, too close for Chiara's liking considering she was holding a knife in her hand. "For so long I have only seen dark circles around them. Anyone who can make you this happy is more than welcome in our family."

Chiara exhaled softly and watched her mom cut the vegetables, mulling over her next words in her head.

Before she could decide on what to say next, however, Diana smirked and spoke again.

"Not that I was worried. I spoke to Bryce few weeks ago. About you and Ethan. And he made it clear that your relationship is one he approves of."

„You did what?“

It shouldn’t surprise her, she knew. Bryce and Diana called each other so often at this point, Chiara was pretty sure Bryce asked Diana for an advice before his own date last time he went on one.

„Yes, he called me after that lunch you all have had back in December? Or was it January? I am not sure, but it was the first time Ethan joined you and your friends.“

That damn brunch.

„He called you to let you know that he roasted Ethan already and so that you do not need to do that?“ Chiara chuckled, putting her question as a joke.

„Exactly!“ Diana exclaimed happily and unlike her child, she was not joking.

„And you just... believe him?“

Diana shrugged, turning to Chiara wholly now, her smile only partly amused. Mostly soft and affectionate.

„You know I love Bryce as my own kid. I know you love him as your own brother. Has Bryce ever hurt you?“

Chiara shook her head without any hestitation because no, no matter how many people did hurt her – Ethan included – Bryce never did. Never.

„He wants you to be happy and he would never let you date anyone who wouldn’t make you so. And I wouldn’t either. Ethan makes you happier than I have ever seen you, Chiara, and that is all a mother needs. For her children to be happy.“

Not needing to hear more, Chiara wrapped Diana in a tight hug, tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

„And he looks damn good, too,“ Diana whispered into her hair before any of them could start to cry.

*** *** ***

Ethan was standing at the desk in Chiara’s old room, smiling softly at yet another photo of a wide-eyed, smiling redhead child with a hefty book in her hand. The plan for the second day of their visit was to see all of Chiara’s favorite spots in the city.

„Uhm, Ethan?“ Chiara’s voice resounded from behind his back and it was the unfamiliar hitch in it that made Ethan turn around rapidly to face her.

„Yes?“

„I... this is stupid probably and I will totally get it when you won’t want to go but, uh,“ she took a deep breath, her fists clenching and unclenching at her sides, tension around her almost visible.

„There is one place I want to go to before we start the day and it would mean so much to me if you wanted to go with me but it is probably very morbid from me to want you to go and-„ the words left her mouth at such crazy pace they almost sounded like one very long word instead.

And suddenly, it became very clear what she was trying to say, even though she didn’t know how to go on.

With two steps Ethan closed the gap between them and gently put her hair behind her ear.

„Let’s go,“ was all he whispered before taking her hand and letting Chiara lead their way.

 Chiara asked Ethan to give her a few minutes of solitude with her dad and brother and left him to stand under the huge oak tree while she sat down slowly, gently in front of the grave she used to visit every day.

For a long moment, she didn’t even know what to say, how to start. If at all.

She just kept staring at her crossed legs, letting the tears to fall freely.

How could it be that she had the privilege to have eyes to stare with and legs to stare at, while the mere privilege to be alive was taken away from them?, she wondered.

„Hi dad, Liam,“ she spoke at last, her voice just above a whisper.

Ethan didn't want to eavesdrop. It was not polite, not appropriate, it was invading Chiara's privacy.

It was also impossible not to do.

The place was small and quiet and the three he was standing under was too close to the place Chiara was sitting at and what was he supposed to do, sing? Whistle?

That would hardly be any more appropriate.

And so he heard everything Chiara said and he was sure he was not meant to hear any of that.

„Ethan is here with me,“ he heard her say. „I wanted you to finally meet him. I know the last time I was here, I was not overly happy about him, but he got back from the jungle and he is forgiven. So could you forget how I called him an utter asshole and just... be nice?“

Ethan’s whole body tensed and a regret washed over him like an icy shower. He couldn’t be anything but ashamed by the fact that Chiara already shared him at this place and that she probably hated him at the time.

„You would love him, dad. He is so smart, like, genius smart. As smart as you were. And he respects me more than anyone has ever respected me before. You always said that if the man does not respect my career, he does not deserve me, dad and if that is true, then nobody deserves me as much as Ethan.“

He heard her chuckle and there was a long moment of silence before she spoke again and with some kind of internal terror Ethan realized that he didn’t even try to stop hearing what she was saying anymore.

„And I am sure you would like him too, Liam. He is a great target of jokes and teasing.“

Another silence.

And then Chiara said something Ethan so desperately wished he hadn’t heard, something that made him hate himself for listening and even more for what he heard and he just wanted to run away, far away and hate himself in hiding.

„You know... I cannot say this to him, because he is not very keen on this kind of things and I don’t want to scare him but guys, I love him so much.“

*** *** ***

Chiara didn’t know how many times she thanked Ethan that he visited the cemetery with her, but she was sure it was not enough to express how grateful she was.

The least she could do was to make sure that their next stop would be her absolutely most favourite coffee shop in San Francisco and Ethan would get his morning coffee just the way he liked it.

Something was off, however. Ethan was extremely quiet the whole time and even though she was used to his moods at this point, it surprised her here, today. It was kind of their vacation, their free time, something they both so desperately craved.  

Chiara could see that he was lost in his thoughts, brows furrowed and his gaze pointed somewhere behind the window. And doubts started overtaking her, because of course it was too much to take him to meet her dead father and brother. It would be too much for everyone.

Before she could decide on how to apologize for dragging him there, Ethan beat her to it and spoke first, although his gaze was still pointed elsewhere.

“I must apologize.”

Only then he turned to her and her confused raised eyebrow was the push he needed to finish the thought.

“For-“ he stopped, biting his cheek, mulling over his next words and by the expression on his face, even those he speaks next are not the ones he wished to find. “For making you feel like you cannot express yourself when you are with me.”

“Oh?” Chiara shook her head slightly, her confusion growing even bigger at the odd statement.

Ethan exhaled, suddenly aware of the place being rather empty. There were no groups of teenagers, no kids, nobody that would muffle his words and his wild heartbeat.

“I overheard some of the things you said to your dad back then,” he admitted slowly, softly, quietly and he was not proud of himself for not even trying to not to overhear it.

The confusion in Chiara’s eyes was quickly replaced by comprehension and just after that, panic.

“Oh,” this time, the sigh that left her was full of understanding.

It all clicked now. It all made sense and Chiara so desperately wished it didn’t, because she loves him and he heard and now he is scared.

She tried to come up with a response that would make everything make sense, her head starting to hurt from the pressure she put on her brain to just come up with something, damnit.

Chiara opened her mouth several times without any sound leaving it and she was internally panicking and Ethan was not even looking at her.

 Until suddenly he was.

“I love you too,” he blurted out, the words a little bit slurred.

The third “oh” that left Chiara’s was so soft, had there been the teenagers or the kids, Ethan would have missed it. But he didn’t.. He heard it and it took all of the air of his lungs away, because it was almost nothing, mere two letters and yet they carried such meaning it made his throat tighten.

“You do?” she whispered at last.

“Yes, I do.”

“And it doesn’t scare you?”

“God,” Ethan laughed, pulling her closer to him and putting a long, lingering kiss on her forehead. “It scares me more than anything has ever scared me before.”

Chiara laughed softly, her warm breath tickling Ethan’s neck and she pulled away just enough to tilt her head and look at him and in her eyes, those emerald greens, so warm, so soft, so beautiful, Ethan saw more than Chiara could say at the moment, in those depths he saw that this woman, his Chiara, his light, loved him more than anyone has ever loved him before and it warmed his chest in a way he didn’t recognize and it was that moment when he knew.

There was one thing that scared him more than love. Than being loved and loving Chiara.

Losing Chiara.

And he knew it then, he knew he would fight his fears of that unknown warm feeling every day, every second of those days until it didn’t scare him anymore, because losing Chiara was not an option. Not anymore, not ever.

[det-loki]

poison & wine part two

 “I don’t have a choice, but I’d still choose you.”

warnings: angst, cursing, slight smut, talk of death/kidnapping

pairing: detective loki x fem reader

word count: 3,213

A/N: feedback is welcomed, enjoy!

1  ⌽   3  4  5  6

  You and Loki arrived at the aunt’s house later that night. You followed Loki through the hall as he spoke to Holly Jones about Alex. You observed her simple home trying to find any lead as she watched Loki look through Alex’s room, taking interest in a toy RV. Walking into her home was like walking into a time capsule, everything seemed old and outdated. So far, you had nothing, not a single thing.

Opening the passenger car door of the old Crown Vic, you huffed as you sat down in the seat, hand coming up to your face trying to wipe away the exhaustion. Beside you, Loki sat still, watching you as your mind run rampant. He wished more than anything that he could take away your grievances. He hated what this town did to you, what this case was doing to you. You deserved better than this. Better than this town and better than him. 

“Let’s go home, get some rest, visit the parents in the morning. We can’t solve a case when both of us can barely stand, let alone think. I have a feeling this case is going to be tough.” You didn’t have the energy to respond, only nodding as Loki put the car in reverse and changing gears into drive, pulling onto the road towards your shared home. His hand found yours, intertwining on top of your thigh, his thumb brushing across the back of your hand. You wished this was easy, going to work and being able to leave it at the door. Your life with Loki was complicated, some days you were madly in love, others you were just coworkers. You hoped tonight you were in love, you didn’t think you could keep your head above the rising water of emotions if you weren’t.

The warm water cascaded over your back, unthawing your chilled bones as you heard the shower curtain open. Loki’s calloused hand finding its place on your hip, pulling you against his chest. His head dropped to the crook of your neck, lips moving along your shoulder as his fingers wandered from your hip to the space between your legs, murmuring in your ear, “Hey baby.” The soft circles he made sent pleasure through your body, softly whimpering as you leaned further back into his embrace and melted. You needed this. Needed the feeling of comfort and pleasure even if it was just 5 minutes out of the 24 hours in a day. Loki was more than happy to give it to you without the expectation of receiving it. He knew you needed this, needed to feel the overwhelming feeling of his hands, his scent, him. Tonight you were in love, managing to keep each other from crumbling apart and running down the drain. 

Neither you nor David slept well that night. Beside you, David tossed and turned and you couldn’t get your brain to turn off. Two little girls were out there missing and you were trying to sleep in a warm bed next to someone you loved. It wasn’t fair. You counted the days it had been since it happened. You lost count after 2,500, the years and days blurring together. 

Morning came faster than you liked. The clock read 6:14 A.M., mocking you. You could hear the shower running, you were sure David had been awake much longer than you, he rarely slept through the night. You knew he didn’t need to shower, thoughts of the previous night floated through your head. He was only doing it to wake up and mentally prepare himself for the day. You swung your legs over the edge of the bed, standing and making your way to the kitchen. You needed coffee. 

Sitting on the couch in the living room with your mug in hand, fingers gripping the handle much harder than you needed, knuckles flexing white. You watched the news display information about the case of the two missing girls with bleary eyes. You had written the media release last night which was now being played all across the state. David emerged from your shared bedroom, kissing the top of your head as he walked past you. He had on fresh clothes, his blue button-up fastened up to his neck like normal, his dark circles more pronounced, eyes already tired. You, on the other hand, opted for something more comfortable, not having the capacity to care about your appearance as much as you normally would, a basic sweater and slacks, face void of any makeup, only leftover mascara the shower didn’t wash away. This case had your full attention. 

"This morning we'll go by the parents. I can do the talking. You can stay in the car if you need to." David looked at you softly as he sat next to you on the sofa, bringing your sock clad feet to his lap, fingers working the tender muscle. Cases with children were always the worst, tension findings its way into every muscle in your body. Especially with your background. David didn't want to see you spiral, he would do anything to save you even if it meant jeopardizing himself in the process. He had done it before and he would do it again. You were his person, the only one in his life that knew enough to be considered more than acquaintances. You knew his coffee order by heart, how he hated nutmeg, refused to wear gloves even when the weather permitted them. It gave him the excuse to shove his ice-cold hand against your neck just to hear you laugh. You also knew the deep dark depths of what made him who he was. The boys home, the priests, the lack of familial support, the illegal activities he used to take part in. You were literally and figuratively his everything. It was always you and Loki against everything. 

"No, I'm fine. I'll be okay, Loke." Loke. The nickname you gave him at the delicate age of 14 when you met him. It wasn't special by any means, anyone could have come up with it themselves, but when it came out of your mouth, it meant everything to David. 

"Okay, but if you need a break, you have to tell me, baby." Your heart physically aches at Loki's words. He would save you from any cliff even if he was tumbling over with you. 

You look up from your mug at him with a soft smile on your face that didn't quite reach your eyes, "Same goes for you."

Loki pulled up to the Birch's home as you take a deep breath, attempting to calm yourself. Your stomach was clenching in pain, a knot in your throat, choking you. At least it wasn’t raining today.

"Y/N, you can stay in the car if you need to." David was worried about you. He knew you like the back of his hand. Hell, you were literally tattooed on the back of his hand. Your zodiac symbol etching itself on his ring finger knuckle so many years ago, his version of committing himself to you. A month after the funeral.

 "I'm fine, David." He nodded, wanting to believe you as you both exited the car, walking towards the Birch family's front door. Each step taking entirely too much energy. 

After three quick knocks, Franklin Birch pulled open the door, his bloodshot eyes meeting David's then yours. David knew that feeling. Helplessness.

You walked into the home after David. Walking around the corner of the entryway you were met with a sight that tore your heart in two. Nancy Birch sat at the dinner table surrounded by half-eaten Thanksgiving food from the night before, numb. You knew that feeling. Although your little girl didn't go missing. She didn't even have a chance at a decent childhood, let alone a decent life. That was torn away too soon. 

You quietly excused yourself, darting out the door and towards the car, avoiding Loki's concerned gaze. Your hands trembled, you were never able to get rid of the feeling of her body in your arms on that fateful day. You hated the universe, angry at the world for what it had done to you, what it had done to David. You shouldn’t have even gotten out of bed this morning. 

Minutes later, Loki returns to the car with pictures of Joy Birch in hand. "Hey, you okay? You practically ran out of there."

"I just-, I fucking hate cases with kids. I know it's not that case, but that doesn't make it any easier."

It’s not that case. It’s not that case. It’s not that case.

"I know." That's all he could say. He knew. He knew what you were feeling, all too well, the indescribable pain nipping at your heels, slowly making its way up your body and consuming you whole. It was only day two.  

The next stop was Dover's. To say you were dreading it was an understatement. Loki put the car in park and turned to face you, his brows furrowed in concern, regret swimming in his eyes. 

“You ready?” You knew Loki was giving you a way out, he was more than okay with going in alone. 

“Yes, I’m ready.” No, you weren’t. You were going anyway. You had to in order to restore some sort of justice for your little girl.

It’s not that case.

You sat next to Loki, who was next to Grace Dover on the sofa with a blanket sprawling across her lap. You were sure it belonged to Anna judging by the color and the pattern. That poor woman.

“So, did we pass?” It was clear to you from Grace’s voice and the dark circles under her eyes that she hadn’t slept at all. 

You gently nudged Loki, who had been on his phone answering emails, “I’m sorry, what did you say?

Grace croaked, “The poly thing. The lie detector we took this morning, did we pass?”

“Oh, yeah, yeah. Sorry.” Loki responded before looking back down at his phone and sliding it into his coat pocket, “Yes, we appreciate your cooperation.”

Grace speaks again, “It’s embarrassing, all this-all this fuss. Everyone’s gonna think we’re crazy when those two come out of hiding, wherever they are.”

“Do you have some reason to believe they ran away?” Loki asks. In a perfect world, these girls wouldn’t even be missing, but in an ideal world, they did just run away. The sting in your gut said otherwise.

“No. They’re happy. They must have run away. I think they must have run away. Right?” She wasn’t trying to convince you or Loki, she was trying to convince herself.

Loki tries to show a comforting smile but the words won’t come out, he can only nod. 

Grace changes the subject, trying to smile although the only thing it reached was her mouth, “Um, your police captain told me that you two have solved every case that you’ve ever been assigned. Is that right?” There was never a time Captain O’Malley didn’t brag about the two of you. You just wished he didn’t do it now, not with this case. It gave too much hope to the parents. Too much pressure that you were sure you or Loki would eventually collapse from. Again, neither you nor Loki could find the words. 

Grace begins to get emotional again, hand clutching her mouth, you couldn’t blame her. However, what she spoke next ripped apart your soul that had just begun to get stitched back together by the calloused hands of David, “Do either of you have children, detectives?” You’re back straightened and your mouth fills with the rancid taste of bile. Suddenly you’re nineteen again, in pain and scared, tears streaming down your face, hands raw from scrubbing off the blood that never seemed to go down the drain, bleach stinging your nose. Like so many years ago, David is next to you, except this time he isn’t in a hospital chair with his head in his hands finding out his daughter had been pronounced dead at the age of two. No, this time he was a detective trying to comfort this poor woman about her own daughter. You shoved your trembling hands in your coat pocket, although Loki already took notice. He didn’t even have to look at you to know, you and Loki were connected on a much deeper level. 

It's not that case.

Loki speaking brings you out of your toxic minefield of thoughts, “We’re going to find your daughter, Mrs. Dover.” Pausing, he speaks again, shoving his own emotions down, “We believe that they came back here after they left you at the Birch’s yesterday.”

Keller Dover appears from the hall with bloodshot eyes, “They were looking for Anna’s red whistle.” You shakily stand alongside Loki, your body swaying as he shakes his hand, “Right. I read your statement. I’m Detective Loki, this is Detective Y/L/N. We’re heading up the investigation into your daughter’s investigation. Please, sit down.” 

Keller disregarded Loki, choking out words to the best of his ability, “Uh, uh, m-my son already told you th-that the guy was inside the RV just watchin’ em’, right?” 

You speak up from behind Loki, finally finding your voice, “We haven’t found any physical evidence inside the RV. Or his aunt's house where he lives.”

Keller looks at you as disbelief paints over his features, “Nothing?”

“Alex Jones, unfortunately, has an I.Q. of a ten-year-old. There is no way someone with the I.Q of a ten-year-old could abduct two girls in broad daylight and then somehow make them disappear.” You were able to confirm your suspicions about Alex’s cognitive ability early this morning after a briefing with a forensic psychologist. 

“Uh. well. How can he drive an RV? If he can’t answer a question?” Being honest, it didn’t make much sense to you either, it was a fair question.

Loki speaks up in front of you, “Well, he has a legal Pennsylvania license.”

Keller pushed, “And he ran, right? They said he tried to run away. Why would he do that? Why would he run?”

Loki speaks before you, “We’ve just spent ten hours questioning this boy. Okay? I hear what you're saying.” 

Keller speaks in disbelief again, this was overwhelming, “Uh, did- did you give him a lie detector? You gave us a lie detector. Did you give him one?”

“Sir, I understand what you’re asking me, yes we did. We gave him a lie detector and there's no way of-” Loki cuts short, stifling a laugh and scoffing. Not at Mr. Dover or the case, but at the number of unanswered questions we had, “A lie detector doesn’t work if you don’t understand the questions.”

Mr. Dover’s face changes, angry, “Well, maybe he wasn’t on his own. How could he drive an RV with the IQ of a ten-year-old?”

You speak with a softer tone attempting to de-escalate the situation, “Hey, we’re considering all possibilities.” You were, everything mattered. Everything.

Keller shakes his head, “I don’t think you are considering all possibilities.”

Using a sharper tone, you tell Mr. Dover as he interrupts you, “I-I hear what you're saying. Sir- Sir-”

“You listen to me! Just shut the fuck up for a fucking second!” Keller booms as his wife flinched on the couch beside his standing form. You take a step back as Loki positions himself in front of you, throwing his hands in front of him in a calming gesture, Loki speaking, “This is what I’m gonna need you to do for me. I need you to calm down.” You hated yelling, you despised it. Although you understood Keller and had no animosity for him, he was living in hell and you had no room to judge. You had been there. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Please listen to me for a second.” Keller was pleading and he didn’t need to. You would sit with and listen for hours if you could. But you couldn’t, you had to find his daughter. You had to fix this. 

“Mr. Dover, I understand this is an incredibly hard time.” Loki did know that, better than anyone. “But I have every uniformed police officer in this state looking for Anna.”

From behind Loki, you can see Keller’s face break, “I don’t understand what any of this means. They said he ran. They said he tried to get away. I don’t understand why he would try to run away.”

“We’re considering all possibilities, Mr. Dover. I hear what you’re saying. We’re not crossing anybody off our list. Just, let us do our job.” 

Walking out of the Dover’s felt like you were trudging through molasses, you hated this case and it was only day two. You sat in the passenger seat as David put the keys in the ignition, Keller Dover running out of the house made him pause.

“Hey! Detectives!” 

Both you and David mutter “oh shit” under your breath as Loki rolls the window down to speak to Mr. Dover.

Keller approaches, eyes darting between you and Loki wildly, “Hey! He stays in custody until my daughter is found, right? Right?” 

Loki shakes his head, not wanting to upset Keller any more than he was already, “We have a 48-hour hold on him that ends tomorrow unless we bring charges.”

“Well, charge him with something. Charge him.” It wasn’t that easy, you wished it was.

Loki protests, “Mr. Dover, I understand-”

Keller interrupts, “Detective, detectives, two little girls have gotta be worth whatever little rule you have to break to keep that asshole in custody. Now, I know you can’t promise me anything, I understand that, but I’m asking you to be sure. Be 100% sure. Thank you. I appreciate it.” and with that, he walked away back into the house.

Loki sat idle as you turned to him, “We have to at least try. If we- I would have wanted to someone to at least try when-”

Loki snaps at you, stopping you, “No. No, this isn’t that case and you can’t think that. We will do our best, but I can’t have you going down that road.”

“I know it isn’t that case, David. But we can’t pretend that it isn’t similar. Ours was attempted kidnapping, she-” You’re chest stung as you tried to get out the words, lungs on fire and brain pounding. You were too close.

“Y/N, saving these little girls won’t bring ours back.” Loki's voice cracked on emotion. You knew that. God, you knew that. A freak incident, a failed abduction. The smell of antiseptic burning your nose, David’s hand clutched tightly in yours as the doctor left the room after telling you your little girl didn’t make it. A suspect was never found. You had only gone inside for a second. 

Neither you nor David spoke for the entire ride back to the station. There wasn’t anything to say, it all had been said before in the late hours of the night, everytime one of you woke up with a nightmare, whispering words to each other, too afraid to say them too loud, staring at the ceiling. You were living in a nightmare you couldn’t wake up from.

taglist: @lexie-wayland @whew-oh-em-gee @winterlavenderskysworld @buck-this-nasty​ @heeyirenee 

[horrorslashergirl]

May I request another part of Another chance to start off?

Chromeskull x Reader- Another chance to start off Part 4

Authors Note: This oneshot that turned into a story. I almost forgot about it. Also adding some Jesse Childhood Ideas because why not? 

Warnings: 18+ because of childhood abuse and disturbing themes about little Jesse

Words: 1.7k

Part 1 here 

Part 2 here

Part 3 here

It's been two months and you still haven't heard anything from your so-called 'hero' other than the fact that he was on business as his assistant, Spann, called it. That left you to take care of your baby, but still no ability to go out of his place, save for the huge lawn around the palatial villa that you now resided in.

You didn't know anything about this man, and Spann refused to give you any details because it wasn't her place to spoke of such personal details, and according to her, it was his business to tell you, leaving you with tons of question about Jesse, at last, you knew his name.

Considering how much of a serious and sophisticated security system he had, you could only guess he was an important man. You took liberties when your little buddle of joy was sleeping to explore the villa. You agreed that his favorite colors were black, white, and accents of silver chrome and he definitely had an affiliation with skulls, and he had very expensive tastes in everything down from his cars to his clothes to the smallest things.

You were currently sitting on an armchair next to the crib of your baby waiting for your daughter to wake up and feed her.

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Jesse Cromeans had a lot of issues and as big as his 6'7 tall frame he was a handful package; a bad temper, certain sadistic urges, a sassy attitude that made tons of enemies, not like any of them dared to go against him, but little people to probably none knew the whole story behind who he truly was.

One who was very observant could possibly tell that Jesse had mommy issues, considering his victims were all female, save for the brown-nosing males that were just collateral victims.

As a little boy, he was very shy, and his muteness didn't help him either. His family was always a mystery to most who knew him, but none dared to ask him about his relatives, not like in the present he had any. He didn't know his father, and he was always curious as a little boy about who his daddy was.

His mother, from the remaining memories, was a very beautiful woman, giving birth at a young age of twenties to little Jesse. His father didn't want to take the responsibility of raising a child, especially a disabled one, so he pretty much vanished after his mother gave birth to Jesse.

She was still young and clueless about raising a child, alas she took the responsibility and tried, for three years until she was diagnosed with bone cancer. Young mother at the flower of age with such a severe form of cancer was definitely a nightmare and it only persisted until Jesse was six and she died, leaving him to what he knew was the grandfather of his own daddy.

When Jesse asked his grandfather about his dad, the old man simply said that he shouldn't worry about dead bodies like that. His grandfather was a mortician, owning a funeral home company, that left Jesse with spending most of his time there, with the corpses. At first, he was just playing in the hallways, until he got curious and walked into a room, his brown innocent eyes widening at the scene.

That really scarred his mind, his grandfather on top of a dead woman's body...

It only turned worse when his legal guardian, his grandfather getting the full rights of raising Jesse, indulged the little boy into these activities; the first body being that of his own mother.

That not scarred his mind, it destroyed his psychical health.

That was the start of creating a beast, the beast he was today.

Probably that's why he was drawn to you; you were much younger than he was. What you didn't knew was that ever since you were brought to his place you have been monitored day and night. He loved to watch you nurture your baby, take care of the little human that was made of purity and innocence.

He kind of felt jealous in a way, because he wanted the same affection.

Definitely mommy issues.

Who could really blame him? He didn't exactly have a woman type to look up at, and girls were definitely a subject that was tough for him. In his teen years, girls were looking more up to the loud, obnoxious, and confident ones.

Since he started hitting puberty, he grew in height, and grew, and grew. He was a tall and lanky kind of guy, perhaps very awkward, but very intelligent, despite not getting credit for it.

With girls it was a different story, they didn't have the patience with him and his signing. His teenage years were full of nicknames because of his height, girls making fun of him, teasing him, but not in the cute kind way. He slowly started to realize why his grandfather had certain tastes in...women.

If they are dead, they cannot hurt you. Simple.

Still, from time to time he had that starving for affection, someone to be genuinely there for him.

He remembered after he finished high school...He left his hometown and after years of college and slowly but successfully starting his own business, he changed. The lanky and awkward guy bloomed into a ferocious and manipulative mastermind; pale skin by each year filled with more ink, muscles filling his lanky figure.

Jesse changed.

At first, it felt weird to have such control, but once he got that taste, he never wanted to let it go.

Back in the present days, Jesse didn't know what to think of you; he was probably pitying you, although that was highly unlike him. He pities none but seeing you watch over your offspring like a protective mother made his heartbeat in a way he didn't know it was possible.

He took a sip of his whiskey as he looked at the computer screen; tomorrow he will get back home to you and perhaps get to an arrangement, after all, you were wearing his family name.

------------------------------------------------------

It was morning, but you were awake for three hours, now you just finished feeding your daughter and she closed her eyes; after all, it was still the period of the baby that she needed more sleep than an adult, so you tucked her in, smiling at her angelic face.

You heard the door slightly open and turned around, expecting Spann, but you were surprised to see Jesse, your eyes quickly turning into a slight glare, getting in front of the baby's crib like a shielding mother lion.

Jesse found many things attractive on a female, but this was definitely something that triggered a more primal part of his male instincts. There was just something mesmerizing about a mother that protects her baby.

He pulled out his phone to type.

'We need to talk.' the electronic voice spoke, making you furrow your brows.

Despite wanting to give him a piece of your mind, you learned from your past relationship, if you could call it that, that yelling and throwing tantrums won't solve a problem, so you nodded, taking a glance at your baby, not exactly feeling like leaving.

'Spann will look over her while we discuss.' he spoke through the phone.

You followed him downstairs to his study, opening the door for you to enter then closing it to have privacy. You sat down on one of the armchairs in front of his desk, while he took his designated place behind the huge black desk.

'I know things have been inconvenient.'

You snorted at that.

"More like very chaotic. Look...I am very mad by this whole kidnapping-owning thing, but I also knew I should be grateful to you for saving me from my now dead abusive husband, which reminds me....You killed him...and it didn't look like it was your first time." you spoke in a firm voice.

Jesse smirked at that. Smart one...That's good.

'Then I should probably let you know everything.'

He began to explain everything, down from his facade chroming business to the real deal of the organization, everything about killing, snuff films, and piggies. It was like someone was telling you a horror story, leaving you shocked and disgusted.

"Great....so basically now I am involved in a mafia kind of thing." you sarcastically said, rubbing your forehead in exasperation.

'You can take it like that.' He waved it off, shrugging.

You sighed, then looked at him.

"What will happen to me?" you asked, pursing your lips into a thin line.

'Nothing. If I wanted you dead, you would have been from that night we meet.'

"That really relaxes me." you snorted, crossing your arms over your chest.

'I will protect you and your daughter.'

That surprised you. Why was he so willing to help a woman he barely knew and her baby? You tried to find an answer yourself but decided to ask him and his answer was ever more so intriguing you.

'No child deserves to grow without parents.'

He looked like he knew what he meant, perhaps he went through the same ordeal, without family, but it was too early to ask him such sensitive topics since you didn't know each other that good.

"So, you basically want me as your wife?" you asked in amusement, but his look showed that he was serious.

'I'm not forcing you. It's your choice.'

You huffed then decided.

"Probably too early...Can I, at last, get to know my future husband?" you asked, sassiness dripping from your voice, but behind it, it was sincerity.

Jesse was to say it, surprised by your words, and couldn't help but give you a toothy grin. He got up from his chair and walked towards you. You got up as well and were a little nervous when he was just inches away from you, his fingers typing on his phone.

'Tonight. Dinner. Spann will babysit your daughter. You need some quality time.'

You thought a little about it and decided that everyone deserved a chance to start off.

"Yes. I would like that."

Jesse smirked in victory and leaned down to kiss you, only for your index finger to press gently against his scarred lips.

"Don't push your luck." you said with a cheeky smile, making him chuckle silently.

Yes, indeed everyone deserved another chance to start off.

[sleepymccoy]

Aziraphale’s demon aspect

As voted by 246 people!

The winner is

Owl

with nearly 26% of the primary vote

many people added in their free form answers that they were imagining a barn owl specifically

Owl was the front runner the whole way through this survey, but most of the time by a very beatable margin. The 40 or so people who voted in the last night really tipped it over, it was a tight race! And the results are crazy split imo, a quarter of votes constitutes a win! I love the different opinions and ideas we all have so so much

Ram/sheep came in a hearty second with 16.5% of the vote

A very regal demon there.

After that it gets a little murky, so I’m going to share the second graph I made when is every animal that got more than 1% of the vote. So it’s the top six animals

Magpie and Lion holding strong! Then Moth and Goat looking very good

The second question let you vote for as many options as you thought were appropriate for Aziraphale! So, there were a lot more write-ins! It’s crazy!

I’m using google sheets so I can’t get it to show you every name, but the raw data will be in a read more so you can scroll through everyone’s beautiful imagination there

Again, Owl winds with a solid 20% of the vote. Ram/Sheep coming in with about 15%, followed by Moth, Magpie, Goat, Lion, then Tortoise.

Tortoise was 11th in the first round, tied with Snake (but pale), and managed to surprise me by coming through so strong in the second. Slow and steady, baby.

Nearly everyone who wrote in about Magpies told me that Magpies hoard stuff, so it’s nice to see the hive mind at work there!

Five people told me they were voting goat because of that one piece of art by @hollow-head​ that shows Aziraphale scaling a bookshelf like goats do cliffs. As an artist myself I found it legitimately moving that this one image had stayed with people so strongly. That’s just beautiful. Here’s an example of just one person’s comment

idk dude i just remember one person posted art of him scaling the bookstore shelves like those goats scale mountains and just eating his clothes while he reads it was so fuckin funny but anyway goat eyes are great or he could have lil stubby horns that r covered by his hair

One moth enthusiast took the time to give me a short essay on their choice of moth. I have included a portion of it, cos it was so great

So if I had to choose an insect, it would be a moth, preferably a Megalopygidae, also known as the Flannel Moth. They are fluffy, white-beige and look innocent and fluffy, but their larvae can cause painful inflammations. A poodle moth would also fit because it's almost pure white.

Here’s a flannel moth for everyone

and a poodle moth, which i honestly thought was a hoax but i looked into it just now and it seems legit? There’s not a tonne of proof, but the og pictures are from a scientists who stands by them, so like, wow

And then a DIFFERENT PERSON put this in;

the moth i had in mind is Acherontia atropos, in polish called Zmierzchnica trupia główka (meaning more or less "dusk death's head"). i have a whole symbolism planned out and stuff 

Fucking, moth fandom come through!!

I’m vaguely scared of moths, fun fact. I don’t like the thick thunking sound they make when they hit stuff.

Here is the second round but with all the animals that got four or less votes removed for ease of viewing

the one segment there at 12 o’clock that google hasn’t labeled for me is Swan at 0.9%

I cannot believe I didn’t put swan in as an option, that’s all write-ins

So, to summarise, I suggest you take a lot of this with a grain of salt. It is not meant as an instruction to fandom or to railroad creativity. I have a narrow corner of the Good Omens fandom that I interact with, and while this quiz was up for a week I’m not sure it reached a great variety of people. About 250 folks filled it out, which was tonnes more than I expected and I love each and every one of you for filling it out!! But I have noticed that Owl was first on my list and in the free form answers the example prompt I gave included, “such as a breed of owl that specifically speaks to you,“ so I think it’s possible I did that unknowing bias thing that practiced survey folk know now to do. So, grain of salt.

I also think that if animals like Swan and Cat were in the list of options they’d’ve gotten more votes because the people who voted for those were coming up with it fresh themselves. I suspect people would’ve voted for them, but it just didn’t occur to them in the moment. In much the same way it didn’t occur to me in the moment I was writing this survey.

So people know, I got the ten or so animals that I put in the survey from searching the demon!aziraphale tag on tumblr, so it was all stuff that other people had come up with. I was trying to avoid my own bias, but i think in hindsight i could’ve done better!

Having said all that, this was all so much fun and the results are clear!!! Love a good owl!aziraphale

Imma continue to draw my boy as a ram, though. Cos this was all just for a laugh <3

numbers and a few more things under the cut

So some of these have half a vote ascribed to them. That’s for people who in their freeform answer said things like this;

ngl, that one post about him being a swan still makes me laugh

Mourning Dove. Though that Scallop answer was fucking brilliant

And I kinda made a judgement call that that wasn’t a vote, but it was kind of a vote. So I gave them half a point.

There were a few situations where people would write in a specific species. If I got more than one vote for the root animal I just grouped them together, but if it stayed the only vote then it kept the species. Cat got the most specific species mentioned, and in the second vote Bat had a few species mentioned (albino bat being my fave), but I ended up grouping them all just under Cat and Bat to give them a better chance of getting on the graph. There were probably a few other examples but I can’t think of them. The one exception to this is the person who wrote-in Duolingo Owl specifically. For that one I figured Owl is already pretty solid, and that’s just fucking funny, man

I was also pretty generous about some stuff. So, this person didn’t vote for Moose but they clearly regretted it so I added a vote for Moose in the second one where you could vote for multiples. They kept their Ram and Goat votes, of course, but I added Moose for them

I get very bastard energy from my demon az headcanons. Like f-ing shit up for a laugh more than anything, but otherwise indifferent. That's kinda why I like the ram/sheep/goat thing so much because it reminds me of indifference and random chaos. Or a moose. Shit, I should have written in moose

So yeah, it’s hardly a double blind study that’d stand up to any real criticism, but it was fun and I think the essence of it is fun!! Scroll through and have a read. Imma pull a few more of my fave write-ins and put them down the bottom cos it’s great. Esp the ones that only got one vote, the reasonings were stellar on some of those

Here is the first vote results, where everyone could only vote for one animal each

Owl 63 Ram/Sheep 40 Magpie 28 Lion 26 Moth 21 Goat 17 Swan 4 Eagle 4 Dove 4 Cat 4 Tortoise 3 Snake 3 Scallop 2 Rat 2 Rabbit 2 Mongoose 2 Badger 2 Shima Enaga 1 Shark 1 Porcupine 1 Orangutan 1 Mouse 1 Long Furby 1 Hippopotomaus 1 Goose 1 Duck 1 Dragon 1 Cow 1 Cereberus 1 Boar 1 Bee 1 Bat 1 Alpaca 1

Second Vote results, where everyone could vote for as many as they wanted

Owl1 82 Ram/Sheep 136 Moth 108.5 Magpie 98 Goat 96 Lion 72 Tortoise 61 Snake 37 Eagle 33 Cat 9.5 Swan 7.5 Lizard 4 Rabbit 4 Badger 3 Mongoose 2 Dove 2 Mouse 2 Squirrel 2 Bear 2 Raccoon 2 Capybara 2 Dragon 2 Bat 1 Long Furby 1 Rat 1 Boar 1 Goose 1 Peacock 1 Pangolin 1 Lindworm 1 Moose 1 Chinchilla 1 Duolingo Owl 1 Cackatoo 1 Crow 1 Cow 1 Alpaca 1  Dodo 1 Shark 1 Big Dog 1 Snow Leopard 1 Scallop 0.5

All voting was optional. To help explain how scallop lost 1.5 votes from first to second, I believe the people who voted for it in the first question just skipped the second cos they’d said their bit.

In terms of how many people engaged with the questions, Q1 had 245 answers and one skip. Q2 had 241 answers and 5 skips, and Q3 where I just let people talk at me if they wanted to had 84 answers and 162 skips.

So please enjoy my selection of free form answers. They all made me smile but putting all 84 in seems excessive to me, so I’ve chosen the ones that are either full blown mini essays or that make me laugh. It’s still a lot, this project brought me so much joy

-

Shima enaga - It's the hair man

Cow (aka golden calf)

Scallop. He is a snack.

Swan. Elegant but very capable of fscking you up. Mates for life.

basically anything that is both gentle in nature and fiercely loyal, territorial and protective (but prone to anxiety). Also hedonistic esp. with food. For all of these reasons, I think a dog would be the best choice.

Dragon with his hoard of books

it’s about the teeth. just too sharp and too many to be human. (comment from op here, this person voted for shark, just for context)

Turkish Angora cat. Magnificently fluffy, incredibly intelligent, love heights and will jump off crazy high things and land on your head, gloriously dignified until they see a string and run into a wall, love one or maybe two persons to distraction and want everyone else to fuck off, will drape themselves over their person’s shoulders and go to sleep, range from “will jump in the sea to hunt fish and has a murder pit full of seagulls they’ve massacred” to “will fall over at the sight of a baby bird”, very particular about food and will yell at you if you get it wrong. Also the breed that some asshole took three cats from and bred parent to child to make Persians. The cautionary tale has been acknowledged and we love our crazy smart, single braincelled children.

I usually imagine him as an owl because they are nocturnal (and we know that Aziraphale can easily stay awake the whole night reading). Also the image of an owl puffed up is kind of ridiculous and reminds me of him, of how an annoyed Aziraphale would look. However the options above have made me think that a lion would suit him very well, too. A lion or just a very BIG cat. I mean, he makes pleading eyes to get what he wants, likes to be confortable, is a bit of a bastard and often puts himself in awkward situations from which he needs to be rescued. He just... acts very cat-like in my opinion. Also owls and cats are both predators, but are usually imagined (or, at least cats are) as cute little creatures, just like Aziraphale is an Angel of the Lord (a Warrior, actually) but looks all soft and cute and huggable. I dunno. Maybe I just want to pet an Aziracat.

I love all the other people's thoughts about demon!Aziraphale, but what about the honey badger? I try to explain why I have it in mind for demon!azi: its name (I think it's funny, expecially in English because 'honey' can make you imagine it's something sweet (it is for me), while the 'bad' in badger can be an alarm bell (like 'be careful! It is not like it seems!')); its face (ok, who can say its face isn't cute? I think, and hope, nobody can, and like the name, it is a misunderstanding: as always, be careful, it's not like it seems!, I think demons can say something about demon!azi as like "you don't seem like a 'good' demon, you can't be, your face (animal and human) is too f-ing disgusting sweet to be a demon!", I think maybe even angel!crowley, at the beginning, can think something like this ("how in the world somebody so cute like you can be a demon?"), then he discovered how demon!azi can be a very talented demon sometimes, but in Crowley's mind azi is still his little cutie angry furry); its furry's colour (black=demon, white/grey/silver/idkitsname= color of demon!azi's wings, because even if he fell, I can't say no to his white wings 😭); it is a snake's predator (and in my mind angel!crowley is still a snake); its solitary life (demon!aziraphale is alone and he doesn't mind it, unless it's angel!crowley we're talking about, then our cute demon minds it); its behaviour (demon!azi, even if he's cute, can be a really very talented demon: honey badger is fearless and dangerous, it can fight bigger animals if there aren't other chances and it can't escape); its skin is very tough (except for a soft/safe spot, behind its neck if I remember well, that only angel!Crowley knows and sometimes he uses it to calm demon!azi down or make azi do some good deeds); its diet (it has a sweet-thooth, for honey in primis, but it can eat everything it wants... Doesn't it resemble demon!azi?); it's smart (search for Stoffle on your browser if you don't know)... Ok,I think I finish, sorry for the novel 😅

I tend to think of animals that meet three criteria: (1) they exemplify “faults” in his character exaggerated to “sins”—gluttony, greed/hoarding, sloth, (2) they are species that favor fawning or flight as a defense mechanism but can also be bold on occasion, and (3) blend very well or have a keen affinity with human society, specifically thriving in urban (i.e., city) environments. This is mostly because I can’t see “Aziraphale” in a reverse AU that doesn’t preserve some of his core traits as an angel (a little hedonistic, hoarding, anxious, etc.). So I like city-dwelling bastard animals with bonus points for relation to scripture, like a rock dove or a fox or an owl.

Owls aren't  smart, and the pedant in me says not an owl. But, thinking on it, demon aspect, owls are perceived as smart, but designed as deadly silent predators, patient and solitary. So actually demon Aziraphale could take on more owlish aspects. I just like cockatoo better, since they are smart, and showy. Or a crow, although that does amusing things with Crowleys name.

god imagining him as a chimera is !!! (comment from op, there was this odd flurry of mythical animals being voted for one night. i think the survey hit a corner of fandom that leans that way. there was also dragon, another chimera, a griffon, and a lindworm all at the same rough time)

Magpies are great because they’re cute and fluff themselves up (go look at Sophie the magpie) and like hoarding their favorite things but also I’ve watched one just straight up kill another bird before because corvids are sneaky little bastards with no lack of a mean streak if they’re crossed

It’s the duolingo owl, I’m so sorry op but it just is. I genuinely don’t mean to clown on your post, but this take was delivered to me in a sleep induced haze and I believe it’s the god given truth. Demon Aziraphale WOULD try to make you learn a dead language and he’d go about it in a vaguely threatening way (comment from op, you’re so fucking right dude. also, shit like this is made for clowning, i’m with you 100%)

When choosing a demon aspect for a Aziraphale, I usually tried to keep in mind the artistic tradition of which animals are linked with demons. The Good Omens team seems to have drawn inspiration from that source because all the animals we do see are either reptilian or insectoid. Those species were often shown inhabiting hellish landscapes in Renaissance and Baroque paintings. However, Aziraphale never struck me as cold or slimy or hard like an exoskeleton. So if I had to choose an insect, it would be a moth, preferably a Megalopygidae, also known as the Flannel Moth. They are fluffy, white-beige and look innocent and fluffy, but their larvae can cause painful inflammations. A poodle moth would also fit because it's almost pure white.

Ok so the only reason I pick magpie is because those bastards are smart as hell but also know how and when to inconvenience the shit out of you, and if you gain their trust then they're absolute darlings but if they decide "nah, dont like ya" then you're basically done and you'll wake up every morning with shit on your car window. I also chose sheep/ram cuz I mean... idk it suits him. I don't remember my other choice but I'm sure I had a good reason.

I feel like a barn owl would suit him well but I'm not really sure why, I also think that a moth would suit him really well because of the whole "moth to a flame" thing and as a demon he would have gotten burned because of that attitude.

I write a reverse AU fic called Lambs to the Slaughter where Aziraphale's demonic aspect is an albino sheep! I imagine him as a mix between a wild Argali ram and the first woolly domestics. I chose an Argali because they're the largest species of wild sheep, but I wanted him to have traits of a domestic breed because he obtains his animal aspect from a sheep in Abel's flock which would be several generations down from the original wild species in Eden. I really think a sheep suits Aziraphale! They're an incredibly common animal and have been since they were first domesticated. Likewise, since the start of human history, Aziraphale has been living side-by-side with humans, providing for them, and protecting them. Due to how common they are, sheep are often unnoticed, which Aziraphale leans into. Crowley wants to stand out. He has a dedicated aesthetic and an obsession with human invention, where Aziraphale leans more towards simpler, known things and creature comforts. He fades into the background, and that suits him fine. He doesn't have to be outstanding to Heaven or to humans or even to Crowley -- it's enough to do his part, to trust in a bigger plan. People associate sheep (especially lambs) with innocence or ignorance which foils nicely to Crowley as the serpent tempting with knowledge, as well as with Aziraphale's own sharp mind and ongoing embers of faith in a system that is failing him, Crowley, and all of humanity. Sheep are, like Aziraphale, soft, cute, and hiding a hard-headed stubbornness and a surprising strength that makes them absolutely fearsome. Aziraphale is very much the sort to put his head down and push relentlessly forward regardless of the pressure and strain. Rams in particular have thick skulls to withstand the brutal force of headbutting one another in displays of dominance. While Aziraphale is clever, he's not above rolling up his sleeves and getting the job done, as messy and unpleasant as it might be (see: pulling a gun on the Antichrist). Also sheep are associated with Pan, a god associated with food, music, theatre, and the criticism thereof, which hit many of Aziraphale's personal interests and hobbies! I like the idea that in a reverse AU, the demon formerly named Aziraphale might be the original basis for Pan!

I wrote in Orangutan for the first question because if I remember correctly they are some of the most violent apes. Although I'd accept bonobo for him too. They fuck alll the time.

mothman aziraphale,,,,, thats it

Snowy owl, speremint's tortoise, and I just adore the goat.

moth - dusty and eats books

Long Furby the way Loni-Capri draws it.

I keep thinking about that Black Philip quote "doest thou wish to live deliciously" because... it fits so much with the general epicurean/hedonism vibe the Fandom has for him ... but in a demonic way and also I think a lot abt that art piece (already referenced many times probably but what the hell) of him climbing his own bookshelves, it's just so good!!

Albino Lion/white lion (matches his hair).  I feel like maybe I should explain why I think Lion would fit him best, lol. Lions actually are rather sedate, inactive for 20 hours of the day (see: Aziraphale reading and unmoving- yes I pulled wiki for this to make sure I didn't spout anything terribly wrong, shhh)  but also there's nomad lions. Lions that range widely and move around sporadically either alone or in pairs (*looks at Crowley after apoconope*) (pairs are more frequent among males who have been excluded from their birth pride)  but also I think of lions as protectors, defenders, and what is Aziraphale if not that? If not an angel who fiercely protects humans, crowley, earth? (When he finally overcomes heaven and it's abuse) lions don't hunt unless they're hungry, don't attack unless they're defending. They've been known to sit directly next to jeeps full of people and just watch them, not attacking or being aggresive.

I saw art once (I have no idea who the artist is) of Demon!Aziraphale climbing his bookcases like a goat and absentmindedly chewing on his sweater while he reads. I felt like the goat aspect suited him perfectly.

Honestly I wrote Az with a rat aspect because, well, it fits who I see demon Az as. He's not super powerful but he is very consequential, like rats carrying plague fleas (this also describes how I see Az tempting). He tries to blend into a crowd, which is arguably one way rats survive, and can get himself into places/situations that should be impossible or super difficult. Like snakes, rats have been unfairly maligned by our culture for a long time, even though they are very social with their colonies, smart, affectionate, and generally good beans. Finally, male pet rats are known far and wide as the lazier of the sexes while the girls are super curious and adventurous.

Somehow his tartan pattern becomes either his colour scheme or his coat/feather pattern.

Eurasian eagle owl. A big, unapologetic grump of an owl that is soft as soft can be underneath. Possessor of the glare to end all glares to be used in such dire situations as being interrupted when reading or being told one has "had enough cake".

[makeste]

literally just a giant post of Bakugou faces.

today, 4/20 (actually it is very much still only 4/19 over here, but to heck with it, we’re getting an early start dammit), is Bakugou Katsuki’s birthday. and as someone who loves Bakugou and who also hasn’t found much worth rejoicing about in April 2020 in general, it’s important to me to celebrate the shit out of this day. but these are strange times and I am le tired, and so what my tired brain ended up arriving at was “just do a post about how much you love his stupid face.”

so these are my favorite Bakugou faces. I stopped after Kacchan vs. Deku because this post was already like 100k words (slight exaggeration) with like 40,000 faces (slight), and because this already took forever and the next 130-something chapters were only going to have about one fifth as many good faces compared to the first 120, even though there are some good ones there still to be sure. but anyway, so there are no spoilers here. 

happy birthday Kacchan, and happy birthday to Kacchan’s angsty side profile with his hair covering his eyes.

why I like it: he scured.

lol but seriously. because up until this point he’s just been a complete asshole. even after he gets grabbed by sludgeman, he’s all “AS IF I’D LET THIS MUDMAN TAKE MY BODY FOR HIMSELF”, and he’s all feral-looking, and at first you’re like “eh he’ll be fine.” but then along comes this panel to serve as our narrator saying “he was not fine.” because he really is not. and on the page before this too, you can see how tired and desperate his struggles are starting to get. and absolutely no one is trying to help him. and he’s fighting, he’s straining, but he can’t. fucking. breathe.

and then this panel. and he’s just a kid. he looks so very, very young here, like this is the youngest he looks throughout the entire series except for in his flashbacks, and it’s because all the pride and bluster and anger are stripped away and he’s just a boy underneath it and he’s scared. “you looked like you needed saving.” exactly. exactly. and for Katsuki to actually ask for help is so rare. so you know that when he does ask (and he absolutely was begging for someone to come help him even though he couldn’t vocalize it. credit to Horikoshi for conveying all of that emotion in a single panel), he really, really needs it. thankfully there was one person watching who finally snapped himself out of that “a hero’s bound to come along soon” mindset that had everyone else gripped, and realized that he needed to be that hero.

why I like it: because he’s humiliated and fairly shaken up and also the most handsome he’s looked up until this point, but most of all he’s just chewing his lip and being all “god fucking dammit did fucking Deku really just save me, fuck my life, why is the universe fucking dumb.” like even after this hugely traumatizing experience, he’s incredibly resilient to the point where after he calms down, his lingering emotions are mainly just “smdh this is a new level of irritated even for me.” he is so brave and thickheaded and tough and absurdly, ridiculously petty jesus christ.

why I like it: like the old man said. his face just screams “I’m a rotten thief.”

there’s so much personality in this one expression. and then it’s juxtaposed against proto!Katsuki who I really desperately just want to punch in the face. just. my son my be a dick, but by god he’s an honest dick.

why I like it: baby?? cute baby??? mine?? my baby?!?

he’s just like. “I got it all figured out. gosh I’m so good at life.” that is the face of a child who has never encountered a single difficulty in his very young existence. everything is easy and he expects to be good at everything and he always is and he’s so, so pleased with himself. with a kid that little you really don’t want to go and shatter their dreams just yet, but maybe someone should have taken him down just a peg or two before it all got out of hand. alas. he was so cute that nobody wanted to and I can’t even blame them because he’s just that fucking cute, though.

why I like it: this is a very underrated panel which I think most people probably don’t even recall. it’s from chapter 11 just after he loses to Deku and Iida, and specifically right after Momo just completely lays into him and explains in vivid detail exactly how stupid every single one of his decisions was lmao. and it’s like he’s just had his eyes opened. he talks about her speech later, too, so it clearly had an impact.

there is no pride here at all. initially when I was reading this, I thought he was still shell-shocked. but looking back at it, and knowing what I do now about his unexpected willingness to accept criticism (something I certainly wouldn’t have expected during my first readthrough of this chapter), I think this is also a genuine “!” face as he realizes that she’s completely fucking right. YOU DONE GOOFED SON. but it’s okay because he learned from it!

also look how big his eyes are. when they get all wide like that. it’s so rare that I have to appreciate each and every time it happens. also he has no right to have such thick eyelashes. goddammit.

why I like it: because he’s strongest at his moment of weakness! because he’s upset but he learned from it! because he is such a strikingly human character with such complex emotions and there’s such a lovely mix of them on display here and that shit is my weakness! because this is when I signed the adoption papers (well, had them finalized after I initially obtained them after the “you looked like you needed saving” face in chapter 1, at least)!! because he always cries in front of Deku and doesn’t get embarrassed, but then he does get embarrassed if anyone else shows up! because his emotions around Deku are so raw and out of control! because the intensity of them is as compelling as it is confusing! but mostly because someone showing fierce determination while simultaneously showing intense vulnerability is basically the cheat code to unlocking my heart, and also the best thing anyone can ever draw in a shounen manga. thank you I’ll take infinity of them.

why I like it: because half of 1-A saw this face and instantly thought “fuck that’s hot” and then went “!! oh fuck me” but it was too late! that’s right kids. even knowing firsthand what a trashpile he can be, you’re still not immune to his charms. that confidence, though.

why I like it: the face of a boy who has just realized that holy shit, there are other people in his class. nothing gets past him. his reflexes are too fast.

why I like it: the slow motion (this is such a cool moment even if it’s at his expense lol), and the fact that this is such a weird and totally unique expression, and yet he somehow almost manages to make it look good. actually he does make it look good, let’s be real. of course, this was back when Horikoshi had more time to roll up his sleeves and really get into the art. look at all that shading goddamn.

why I like it: he cares!! he has feelings!! he has concern about someone other than him omfg whaaaaaat.

he’s so unsettled by what he just heard about Todoroki. the guy who was so strong and cool turned out to have an absolutely horrifying shounen protagonist past that he never let on about. honestly this scene is one of the reasons why I’m so strongly in favor of not interpreting Katsuki���s parents as abusive; because I just really like the character arc of him actually having a pretty good childhood, all things considered, but still having all these problems. because sometimes people actually do have everything going for them and yet they still screw up, because people are only human and sometimes you can fuck up (or be fucked up) even on easy mode! and if that happens it doesn’t mean you’re any more to blame, or more worthy of derision or scorn, or that you already had your chance so screw you, or any of that! anyway so that’s just such an interesting and relatively rare thing to explore and so I like it.

anyway. so just, the idea of him thinking of Todoroki as someone who had it made all his life, only to realize that’s not actually the case at all and that he’s actually the privileged one in comparison, just makes for a really great character-building moment. it’s a really big wake up call for him, especially given that he’s so often just wrapped up in himself and his own concerns still at this stage of the game. and it’s a moment that has a lasting impact on him and that he doesn’t forget, and it helps contribute to him starting to learn more empathy.

why I like it: my child is rabid please help.

but he’s so happy to have Ochako prove to be such an unexpectedly worthwhile opponent. she was sneaky and she nearly got him and he only just made it out by the skin of his teeth and fuck yes, that was awesome. he was really ready to throw down some more with her and it was gonna be the highlight of his fucking day. I just love seeing him acknowledge other people’s strength, because we know the value he places on being strong. so that’s a ton of respect from him, and Ochako fucking earned it, and this is just a great moment.

why I like it: just casually spittin facts and launching ships. nothing to see here move along.

why I like it: for everyone reblogging that one scene of shoujou!Bakugou from the anime over and over again, I just want to remind you all that as great as that scene is, we shouldn’t forget that in the manga he can be effortlessly handsome without even trying.

why I like it: as I said above.

why I like it: another one of the infamous “haah!?” faces. whenever he does these that one raised-eyebrow eye always goes so wide, and even though he’s trying to look like a pissed off thug it always makes him look surprisingly young instead.

also I’m not crazy for seriously wondering if Horikoshi’s art peaked all the way back in the sports festival arc though, right?? you honestly can’t find a bad panel even if you specifically go out and look for them.

why I like it: babyyyy.

I still don’t get how anyone could watch this scene and not get that he was way more upset than he was actually angry. he looks like he’s about to cry honestly.

why I like it: MY PRECIOUS SON’S ANGELIC SLEEPING FACE. all tuckered out. he’s had a hard day.

but seriously when you smooth out all of the >:O it is amazing how young he actually looks though. this one panel is shaded in such a way that you can see that he still has baby fat in his cheeks!! he’s just a little boy! HE IS A LITTLE CHILD LIKE THE REST OF THEM AND YOU MADE HIM PARTICIPATE IN THESE HUNGER GAMES AND HE KICKED ASS AND THEN GOT SAD AND YOU MADE HIM SLEEP AND CHAINED HIM TO A POST WHEN HE WOKE UP ANGRY AND TRYING TO BITE PEOPLE. anyways what a whirlwind of events huh.

why I like it: this child is literally trembling. he has been shaken to his very core. also for real though how did Jeanist even do that. anyways great internship or greatest internship.

why I like it: this is from chapter 60, right after he basically declares war on Deku and says he’ll crush him during final exams. then he turns around and is just like AND LET’S NOT FORGET THIS ASSHOLE HERE!!! and his eyes are practically bulging out and Todoroki just has his trademark “!!!” totally blank stare. this panel fully kills me guys.

why I like it: how was he THE CUTEST CHILD WHO EVER LIVED?? look at his little fists?! I can’t even deal with this???

why I like it: I actually like this one even more than the more iconic “the strongest heroes always win in the end” panel right below it, because in this panel you can more clearly see that he was crying quite a lot (he was only six!!), but it seems to me that it was more because of the unfairness of it than because he was hurt. even though he was hurt. but these jerks bumped into him and then acted like it was his fault, and it was two against one and he was much younger than them and IT’S JUST ROUGH YOU GUYS! LIFE IS HARD WHEN YOU’RE SIX! but he’s a little tough guy though so he scrubs the tears away in this very clumsy and boyish fashion because HE WON ANYWAY SO TAKE THAT! he is so little but already so determined.

why I like it: his eyes are just so intense all the time. even when it’s not an intense moment at all. also the dot shading here is so cool.

why I like it: okay so technically it’s the back of his head and not his face. but I feel like the fact that Kacchan was twitching and flinching and shaking too doesn’t get enough attention in this scene. he and Todo were both wigging out here and I love it. during the third light novel he also gets freaked out by the whole Disney Channel “we were telling a ghost story but now it seems like the story has come to life” plot that goes on at one point, just fyi. Kacchan is absolutely that kid who will refuse to watch scary movies just because “they’re dumb” and definitely NOT because he is scared, how fucking dare you sir.

why I like it: because this is the first of many scenes in this arc and the next arc in which he is freaking out but doing an excellent job of covering it up with his natural ferocity. he and Shouto have just come across one of their classmates’ arms lying in the middle of the path being chewed on by a villain in a straitjacket. his first reaction is to ask Shouto which of their classmates had been out on the path in front of them. he has immediately put two and two together, and he is immediately ready to throw hands with this dude, rules or no rules. but you can see the shading over his eyes though, and I think that -- along with the sweat visible on his face -- is a huge indicator of how horrifying this actually is to him.

why I like it: because this blank “processing...” expression that he sometimes gets when a lot of people are talking at once and he’s not really sure but he is pretty sure that he doesn’t like where this is heading, is my favorite.

why I like it: because even now it’s still ambiguous just what exactly was the prevailing emotion in these eyes and this expression, and the prevailing sentiment behind the “stay back.” I happen to think it was fear! not the same overwhelming, helpless fear as the 14-year-old who was caught up in the sludge, but a very on-edge, controlled-panic fear of a 16-year-old who’s trying to remain in control because he’s a hero in training now. and I think the “stay back” is the “stay back” of a boy who knows the look in that other boy’s eyes, and knows that it’s no use this time. it’s not protective, and it’s not hostile or defensive either. it’s just... resigned. don’t do it, Deku. that could have been the last thing he ever said to him, and it was measured and brave even through his fear and I love him so much.

why I like it: this is one which has to be viewed in juxtaposition with the panel immediately above it lol. Tomura looks like he could literally stare a man to death with those crazy eyes, and Kacchan is comparison just looks so ridiculously young and small and out of his league. but he doesn’t crack. but his eyes are super wide and even the shadows underneath them are stressed almost to their breaking point. like I’m screwed I’m screwed I’m so goddamn fucking screwed oh shit. my baby, guh. this was such a fucking scary experience though for real??

why I like it: same deal as above lol. this whole situation just keeps getting worse and worse, and here he’s just probing for more information while simultaneously trying to buy himself more time to think of a miracle plan. there really isn’t much chance of him getting out of here unscathed at this point (or at least there wouldn’t have been if the heroes hadn’t shown up), but I don’t think he’s letting himself think about that yet. but I’m sure it’s there at the back of his mind all the same.

why I like it: this is my favorite Bakugou face ever. SO MANY EMOTIONS. All Might came to save him! his hero!! he beat the bad guys (or so they think for that brief moment anyway) and it’s all okay now! he was alone but now he’s not anymore and All Might is there! and he is relieved, and he actually lets his guard down to show it for just a split second! his lip is trembling! I don’t think he even realizes for a moment, and then he does, and he immediately goes all tough guy again and the moment is gone! but while it’s there! it’s so much! I have never so badly wanted to hug a fictional character in my life.

why I like it: don’t you think this person could one day inspire thousands of others. do you see this courage in those eyes. the way he pushes past fear and panic and fatigue. don’t think, don’t doubt. just win.

why I like it: by now you have probably detected a pattern of me liking all of the Kamino faces because he was going through so many emotions that for once the walls just couldn’t keep up. he always looks so much younger when he’s not making >: faces. everything just smooths out. I also like that Horikoshi never makes his expressions symmetrical; he almost always has one eye wider than the other, eyebrows doing different things, stuff like that.

also this is when he sees All Might’s true form for the first time, and you can just see it hit him like a punch to the gut. All Might weakened; All Might weakened because of him; All Might might lose (!?!); All Might might die???? Katsuki’s entire world is falling apart in an instant, and in this moment he’s just a little boy.

why I like it: it beginsss. the angstening.

he’s not even resisting the hand guiding him. none of his usual unruliness or general aura of barely-checked rage. he just looks tired. and completely lost in his own thoughts. which as we now know were not good. I cannot fucking believe we had to wait another 25 chapters after this to finally get this kid a damn hug.

why I like it: because Bakugou Mitsuki is fulfilling my (and dating sim!Momo’s) lifelong dream of ruffling Bakugou Katsuki’s (spiky yet fluffy!!) hair. and all he can do is just chew his lip and halfheartedly glare at her all “mooooooOOOOmmm.” he doesn’t even really look pissed off here (because it’s hard to be mad when someone is talking about how worried they were about you and how relieved they are that you’re safe now, especially when that someone is your mom who isn’t normally the type to be so open about this kind of stuff at all), just begrudgingly grumpy. and I swear to god his bottom lip is made of fucking rubber the way he moves it around, just look at it.

why I like it: those eyelashes though!?!? [grabs Katsuki by the shoulders and shakes him roughly] WHY ARE YOUR EYES SO PRETTY.

why I like it: this is right after he found out he flunked the license exam, and you can see how upset he is. obviously we now know that shortly thereafter he went and had a complete meltdown. and buddy if you keep grinding your teeth like that, your dentist is also going to have a meltdown.

and yet again Horikoshi manages to strike this uncanny balance between making him look pissed off and making him look like he’s trying very, very hard not to cry. he just failed, again. it’s like the whole world is screaming at him over and over again that he’s not hero material at all.

why I like it: because he drags Deku out to the middle of nowhere and is all “I know you have All Might’s power and we’re gonna fight”, and Deku protests, and you expect Kacchan’s reaction to be just about anything other than what it actually is. this is as close to pleading as Katsuki is ever going to get. he may not be drowning in sludge but he is still desperate.

why I like it: this may be the best Katsuki that Horikoshi has ever drawn.

why I like it: super ultra mega unpopular opinion: I like this panel even more than THE PANEL!! that follows shortly after it. I am a sucker for when Horikoshi does this thing where he shows Katsuki’s face from a side profile, and his eyes are covered by his hair so you can’t see his full expression, but you know it is something vulnerable because he only ever does this when Katsuki is trying to hide his vulnerability. I could make a whole separate post just about these hair-covering-eyes faces lol. but out of all of them this is my absolute favorite. I can hear Okamoto’s voice acting in my head just looking at it.

why I like it: because it is THE PANEL. he finally broke completely; he let the walls fall away; he couldn’t hide it any longer. he’s so unbelievably torn up about this; he hates himself for it and feels like a failure; he’s lost and doesn’t have the faintest idea how to find his path again. he ended the Symbol of Peace. he was weak and wrong, and Deku was strong and right, and he can’t even hate Deku for it anymore, he just wants to understand what it is that he keeps doing wrong, why it is that he keeps failing.

why I like it: it’s, uuuuuh, angst.

lol it’s funny because at the beginning of the series, it was always Deku who was always crying at the drop of a hat. and to be fair this is still true. but Katsuki also cries way more than I would ever expect a rival character in a shounen manga to cry. and specifically he has cried every single time he’s had a dramatic and overly emotional altercation like this with Deku (and that’s three separate times now). is it because he’s always felt like he has less to hide around Deku? or because his Deku Emotions are so much more intense and volatile than his other emotions? at any rate, whatever it is, if this happens one more time (and I guarantee you it will too because A Certain Someone still hasn’t officially made an apology yet) he will officially lose all authority to ever call Deku out for being a crybaby again. meanwhile poor All Might will just be beside himself. I’m sorry dude, both of your children are just like this, you just gotta deal with it and accept their feelings.

why I like it: HE FINALLY GOT HIS HUG, BLESS.

and more hair covering his eyes! and chewing of the lip! and his head is bowed so much here, he fully allowed himself to be pulled into this hug and to accept this gesture of comfort for once in his life, just for a moment! after everything he was feeling, everything he was beating himself up over, All Might comes and tells him it’s not your fault. and there’s still so much guilt there, but he needs to hear this so badly that he accepts it all the same. meanwhile he is also CRYING AGAIN!? because this was the chapter where Horikoshi said “I am going to put all of the angst and cathartic conflict resolution into a single fight and it’s going to be the best thing ever” and it really was. do you even understand how much I love this. do you??

why I like it: OH GOSH I FORGOT ABOUT THIS, THIS IS MY OTHER FAVORITE KATSUKI HAIR-COVERING-EYES PANEL.

oh no. he’s ruffling his own spiky fluffy hair. he’s tired and he’s beat up (and whose fault is that lmao) and he’s learning all kinds of new things about himself today. he’s got basically nothing left in the tank, but for the first time in ages he has his path laid out in front of him again and he knows the way to start moving forward. he has been absolved of his guilt, the guilt which was eating a hole away inside of him. and all of a sudden he realizes -- it occurs to him -- hey, All Might finally admitted it, he really did give his power to Deku. but it’s still a secret though, isn’t it? it’s important, isn’t it? and so he tells them, hey, look, I get it, I won’t say anything, you don’t have to worry. it’s partially gratitude -- he owes so much to All Might and it’s ridiculous, that’s a fucking debt right there, and this is the least and only thing he can offer right now in return -- and it’s partially just... the right thing to do. like, common sense. honorable and shit. and it’s not like it’s a big deal or anything. but just, let them know.

I love his side profile so much and I love his hair and his ear and the scuffs on his face and his beaten up hand and his hunched up shoulders and him being soft and trying not to show how soft he’s being and he is precious.

BONUS:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY HANDS IN POCKETS GRUMPY TRIANGLE EYES ROVING FERAL HOG SON, I LOVE YOU.

[harrys-reverie]

DOG YEARS // Harry Styles O.U.

PART 1: The Agreement

a/n: welcome! here is part 1 of my baby. I have been working on this for a while and I really hope you enjoy. Story is based off the song ‘dog years’ by maggie rogers, one of my favs. anyways, let’s get on with it! Any feedback, shares or likes are greatly appreciated! I want to get my work out there 🥺 ALSO PART 2 TMRW!

word count: 8k 

STORY PAGE // PART 2 CLICK HERE

Take a look at it and really read through thoroughly. Don't hesitate to come to me with any questions, okay?" Eve, my boss smiled warmly at me as she handed me the stack of papers sitting between us. "I'm counting on you."

I nodded back at her wordless, feeling a bit uneasy but eager to give the pages a read. It was just about 9 am in the English countryside and the sun was beaming through the wood paneled floor to ceiling windows — giving the already bright room even more of an angelic haze. Dried lavender bouquets were placed among scattered piles of paperwork Eve had yet to get through. The cozy scent of tobacco-vanilla candles, signature scent of the Soho Farmhouse property were dangerously lit among heaving piles of paperwork. Overall, the room was the true essence of peace, yet I was feeling far from it as I held onto the paperwork Eve had just given me.

I wasn’t quite sure how I found myself in this position, not one bit. But here I was, having to scan over a fifteen or so page NDA for some high end guest who I was suggested to look after during their 4 month stay here at the Soho Farmhouse. It made little sense to me because I didn’t even know that was possible to stay here this long. This was a membership hotel not an extended stay home. I could only imagine the sort of prestige this mystery person had to pull this off.

I had only gotten the job as a waitress at one of the restaurants on our premises last month. Like whoever this mystery person is, I was temporary here too. I had just finished my university studies back in my hometown in California months prior. My nan who happened to live way out in the middle of England was extremely apologetic about not attending my graduation, and instead offered me a stay in England for 6 months. I figured I was in no rush to adult, and my parents finally obliged and I found myself on a multi hour flight here. The first two weeks in her house were enough to send me bat shit crazy, and I knew I needed a job. Unfortunately I wasn’t near the hustle and bustle of a massive city, so finding this job was God sent.

I quickly learned I was shit at waitressing. Eve took a chance on me and I knew she instantly regretted it, she was desperate to find an opening for something more suitable for me. I was desperate to take on any other role at the Farmhouse besides waiting tables — watering and maintaining the plants in the gardens, cleaning the stables, working the phones, or even monogramming our robes we give to the guests.

Fortunately for me, I agreed to this "special job for a special girl" as Eve quoted it, without truly knowing what exactly I had gotten myself into. Now here I was, knees dip in a situation that seemed like the most work of them all.

The wooden door shut creakily behind me as Eve stepped out to continue her role of head of the Farmhouse and prowl around the land to make sure everything was running smoothly. She had left me alone so I could read through the paperwork in a comfortable and quiet room. Really though I was feeling anything but as I looked back down at the legally binding pages in front of me.

"This Confidentiality Agreement is executed effective 3rd, of September 2020 between Colette Adkins (Party A) and Harry Styles (Party B)...

WHEREAS, Party A can not disclose any confidential information regarding Party B..."

My mouth partially dropped when I had seen the name, Harry Styles. Like, THE Harry Styles. What was he even doing here for four months, did he not have somewhere better to be? Like possibly in one of his many houses? He could stay cooped up in those mansions for months on end without having to lift a foot in the real world, I’m sure of it.

Unfortunately the countless numbered paragraphs under his name were more than confusing to understand, and there was almost 12 pages of them. From what I had gathered through a quick skim was that, 'none of this and none of that and none of anything' was allowed when it came to Harry Styles. I had to wonder how much terrible encounters the man had gone through in order to have to have so many stipulations when it came to just being in his presence

The fancy terms were hard to follow, and I found myself googling phrases I had never even heard of. I was now dubbed as a 'party' and Harry Styles being the other, and apparently from the looks of it Party A and Party B were two different levels of hierarchy. I had doubts that even Eve could properly understand all these 'guidelines.' I always heard such positive stories in the media about THE Harry Styles, that he was easygoing and friendly, a gentleman — this NDA said differently though. He seemed like a real nightmare. A nightmare I wasn’t sure I’d want to be working with for four months. Is his reputation just a huge hoax and he’s pulling an Ellen Degeneres on the whole world?

I knew most would find it foolish to pass up on such a opportunity, but if there was one thing I disliked it was being in situations where I couldn’t be fully myself. I was beginning to feel as if this position would be stripping me away of who I was and I’d just be some young girl at a massive millionaires beck and call.

On the flip side, it was a job after all and not every job was enjoyable. If his reputation held any truth, then this experience would be  a breeze and I’d be stupid to not take it.

I reached for my phone at the bottom of my purse on my lap and clicked on Eve's contact to send her a quick text.

Colette: Harry Styles? This paperwork makes him sound like an ass. I’m not sure.

Eve: I'm coming back in to discuss this with you..

Just like that and Eve was already scurrying back into her office, a very serious look on her face, one of which I wasn't used to. I had a feeling she was just waiting outside the door the whole time.

"So what do I need to know? I mean, it can't be that hard...but...”I began casually, trying to understand what all her worry was for. Granted, I was just as much so.

She looked down at her phone that was pinging like crazy and then back to me. "It's not that it's hard, but this is a job that is strictly business. You have to live on premise in a 1 bed and 1 bath, always on the clock.” Oh.

"Not just that," Eve continued, "But, if anything and I mean anything gets out, legally there are repercussions. According to his manager, who you will meet — he's writing an album and has a few of his crew mates amongst the grounds in different cottages. It's very low-key, Colette. There's no room for a mistake or slip up."

Suddenly the morning sun seemed brighter than ever and I was squinting my eyes at her in confusion.

"So what, I’m basically Harry Styles little bitch for four months?" I didn’t mean for it to come off so harsh but I could see from Eve’s facial expressions she was a bit taken aback. Maybe that was a bad way to phrase it.

I was curious to know what my duties as Harry Styles' personal Soho Farmhouse assistant would be and if the tasks were just menial or true, hard work. I couldn't image it'd be more than popping up every hour or so with fresh coffee or tea, dropping off towels or bringing the cocktail bar on wheels over every once in a while.

"You know, I don't know," Eve laughed nervously. "It was a request from his management, he needed somebody to assist him with everyday tasks. So yes, maybe food requests and what not. He wants to maintain a low profile and if he's out biking throughout the grounds all the time, he won't have that confidentiality that he is requesting."

Oh, he got off lucky with not having to bike anywhere. If you know anything about the Soho Farmhouse, you know that it's hundreds of acres of land and to get anywhere on the grounds you had to bike there. Not that it was bad or anything, it was rather refreshing but could get quite annoying when you needed to be somewhere quick.

"Have you met him yet? Is he here?" I quipped in shameless excitement. It was Harry Styles after all, I couldn’t put a facade on forever.

Eve gave me a sly smirk, "He's incredibly handsome in person."

"No fucking way."

She put her hands up in defense, trying to reprimand herself and act more professional, "You know, I caught a glimpse. He had arrived only minutes ago but I hadn't properly greeted him yet. I want you to be the first one to introduce yourself..." She trailed off. "Any ways, we want him to be settled and comfortable first and I think a splendid thing for you to do is to bring him a robe and some coffee."

I felt my stomach tie into knots at her request and she looked back at me worried. "Well, just act casual," She suggested after I didn't reply automatically, almost as if she was reassuring herself as well. "There's a reason I picked you, you know."

"And what might that be?"

Eve grinned, "I think you and Harry would get on just fine."

———

I wasn't all to worried about how I would appear in front of Harry Styles. My fringe was a little all over the place because I didn't blow-dry it this morning and my blouse wasn't as ironed as it probably should be, but none of that mattered. I had decided to wait on signing the NDA until after I had met him and introduced myself. I wanted to make sure this job was the right fit for me.

I had his monogrammed fluffy grey robe tied up in a neat bow, sitting in the wicker basket attached to the front of my handy blue bicycle. To my dismay Harry's cottage was the farthest away and at the highest point on the premise, on top of the hill. So, it was a bit of a hike to say the least — I hoped that if I committed to the job that Eve would place me in a small cottage nearby to his so I wouldn't have to make this journey multiple times a day.

As I began the ride up the hill, I let my senses overtake me as I breathed in, listened and looked at the land that passed by me. Soho Farmhouse was one of the most beloved additions to The Soho company, an exclusive member only club made for the young creatives. To get accepted you had to pay a hefty application fee, be recommended by 2 existing members and do many interviews, but I reckon it's all worth it just for the Soho Farmhouse. I know I'd apply if I hadn't started working here. Forget the prestige Soho House's in New York and LA, this was the most beautiful of them all. There was something about the serene English countryside that blew all the others out of the water. The vibe was different, this was more of a retreat addition to the company, rather than the ones in big cities. When you went to those ones you expected overrated models and daddy funded 20 year olds. The Farmhouse was far from any of that.

The thing I liked most about the membership is that it isn't solely based on social or money status, although it may seem that way, but rather a safe haven for young individuals in creative industries. I had only been here for a month but have encountered endless amounts of interesting people, my own age which was a plus. Soho Farmhouse was the epitome of the ultimate British getaway, placed in the Cotswolds, composed of thousands of acred lands occupied by gardens and farm animals. The cottages, only 50, were each 50 yards distance from one another and faced views of slow running rivers giving you complete privacy. It truly is a scene out of a Jane Austen novel when you are here.

As I neared to the Farm Cottage on the very top of the hill, one of the biggest on the premise, I saw that there were 2 cars parked in the driveway. I became more nervous than ever, not so much because I had to meet him, but his management seemed even more intimidating. They were the ones who put that whole 15 page NDA together after all, and it came off pretty harsh. As I parked my bike amongst the two vehicles in the driveway, I kicked the stand up and grabbed the robe from the basket.

So this was it. I approached the front porch, the familiar creaky wooden steps of the cottages that felt so cozy were now being overtaken by fall leaves starting to pile up. Freshly cooled milk jugs were popped beside the giant wooden door — a small touch that we liked to do for all of our guests each morning. Using my foot I knocked on the door, my hands full from the oversized robe after all.

Almost as quickly as I had knocked, the door came rushing open and I was greeted with, well, not Harry Styles.

"Hey, I'm Jeff." He stuck his hand out, only to quickly realize my hands were full. "Uh, let me just take this for you."

"I'm Colette," I smiled back, handing him the robe that was keeping me quite warm being held to my chest.

"Come on in actually. I think you're going to be H's assistant throughout his stay here, if I'm correct?" I nodded back, quickly recognizing his American accent, like mine.

I allowed myself in. I started following Jeff to the front living area of the cottage and took a seat on the plush ivory couch. There was already an abundance of hefty suitcases and guitars scattered amongst the living room. The sound of a shower coming from the upstairs bathroom was where I assumed Harry may be.

"So, you'll be here checking up on Harry and all that?" He questioned, tucking his phone away and facing towards me.

"I believe so, I've never done anything quite like it before. Pretty nervous since it’s Harry Styles and all that. And you are?" I asked assuming he may be a close friend or a part of the band.

"His manager actually. And friend."

Oh. So he's the one who came up with all those rules and regulations? Maybe I should have been more enthusiastic answering his question.

"Oh, wow. That's great, sorry, I just..."I began awkwardly.

Jeff cut me short with a warm laugh, "Don't worry. We're like the same age, H and I. It's a great relationship we have but I make sure to keep him in line too and do what's best for him. Harry's a great guy, I promise he won't be overworking you at all."

"Well, I am very much looking forward to it. This opportunity is going to save me from being a waitress down at the Barwell Barn, now that is what I call being overworked," I joked nervously.

"You know actually, H is in the bathroom now. He's kind of had a tough day. I'll take the robe if you don't mind and then if you give me your cell I will text you with a later time today to stop by and introduce yourself," Jeff suggested kindly.

I nodded back at him, "Of course, I totally understand. It's been great meeting you, will you be staying here throughout the months?" I hated to prolong my stay, but I was curious.

"Only this week and then I'm back to LA, I've got my girlfriend back home and work waiting for me there. I'll probably stop by once a month though and check up on him."

"I miss California weather, I'm from there, actually. Just graduated university and I am visiting my nan here for a couple of months. That's actually what led me to this place," I spoke, becoming more and more comfortable with Jeff by the minute.

Jeff lifted his eyebrows, "I was wondering what may have lead you here. I was taken back by your accent...being not an English one and all that."

"Yep, this is a temporary thing for me, being here."

I didn't want to get too deep into a conversation or overstay my welcome so I stood up from the couch and offered my phone number as we approached the front of the cottage. Just as we reached the  door, I heard the bathroom door creak open behind me. I wanted so bad to take a look and peak, but I knew this wasn't the right time.

“You know what," Jeff smiled, removing his hand from the doorknob abruptly, "Let's have a quick introduction now. Take a seat in the kitchen if you'd like, I'm going to make sure Harry's decent for you."

I guess I couldn't refuse to his request, "Sure thing," I grinned back, plopping myself onto one of the wooden barstools in the kitchen. Jeff hurried upstairs, I'm assuming following after Harry who had rushed up the stairs only seconds previous. I heard murmuring and then a door shut, leaving me alone on the first floor. Just me and my thoughts.

I didn't feel nervous at the thought of meeting Harry earlier, but Jeff stating he had a rough day and to come back later and now insisting I meet him, made me a bit weary of the whole ordeal. I didn't want to say the wrong thing or act the wrong way. All this time I was so caught up on what if I didn't get on well with Harry and didn't want the job, when in reality Harry could feel the same about me. I now felt an added amount of pressure I hadn't felt earlier.

Waiting around in the kitchen I couldn't help but notice every single candle was lit in the room. There was a surplus, way more than the standard amount that was placed throughout the cottages. There must have been a request for extra candles because the smell of tobacco vanilla had never been so overpowering then right now.

My thoughts broke for a moment, interrupted by a thunderous laugh coming from upstairs. The walls were thin in the cottages, floors too, so the echo of the laugh was booming. I felt a sense of relief to think that perhaps Jeff put him in a better mood, he did state they were good friends and all, and I knew that laugh didn't belong to Jeff. A quick stomping on the ground above me and a few claps, accompanied by more laughter echoed through the space. Whew, a rush of relief to know that maybe his tough day was over.

I looked down at my blue jeans, which I was now becoming self conscious of. Had I known when I arrived at 7 am this morning what circumstances I would endure, I would have dressed maybe a bit more presentable. And maybe I actually didn't like that I had rushed and not blow dried my hair. This is what I get for always sleeping in till 15 minutes before my shift and having no time to get ready.

I had no time to rethink and self criticize because I was overcome by the sound of heavy footsteps stomping down the stairs. My heart was racing, mouth a little dry, because I only heard one pair of footsteps. Fuck, I really hoped it be Jeff.

"Where are ya hiding, love?" A thick British accent hollered. "Ah, there ya are."

I turned to look at him, putting all my focus on the tall, tattooed man making his way over. I instantly felt something in my gut burn, in the good way, but not the good sexual way. A different type of good. Maybe I'm crazy, maybe everybody feels this way when they see Harry Styles, he is gorgeous after all, and it's so weird to see someone in real life you've only ever seen in pictures. I knew I'd be crazy to insinuate anything but the way he looked at me — almost like he was taken aback or expecting something or someone else. I assumed myself crazy to think he'd even give me a second look, I was just here to supply him with more candles and drop off food. I stood up quick, walking closer and meeting him halfway.

"I'm Colette, very nice to meet you," I brought out my hand to meet his.

"Pleasure. I'm Harry."

He was wearing plain jane grey sweatpants and a cotton white tee shirt, hair sopping wet, looking marvelous. It was casual and a very toned down look, night and day from the outfits you see him in on all the tabloids. No bright colors or funky patterns, no Gucci emblems, just simple, cozy attire. He looked so human. I think sometimes it’s easy to believe celebrities are so much larger than life, but he was just a person after all.

"Now," He began, putting his thumb to his chin and looking off, " 'M gonna need ya to fetch me twenty silk infused towels, the finest coffee grounds ya got and uh..."

He began laughing...at his own joke, not able to even finish his sentence. I too laughed with him, nervously though. It probably was funny in normal circumstances, but I could barely even process anything right now.

"Look, don't be so worried. Jeff's up there doing all kinds of things, he wanted me to come say hello. You seem lovely and I promise to be low maintenance. This wasn't even my idea, if I'm being honest..." Harry began to ramble.

"Buuuuuut," He added with a huge grin, "Looking forward to having ya on the team, Colette. Would you like to sit down for some tea, coffee?"

"Shouldn't I be making some tea or coffee for you?" I insisted with a small smile.

"Please," He scoffed, already heading towards the kettle. "Take a seat. Your cheeks look red, it's bloody cold outside, plus, I hear you're from California, so you're probably freezing."

"You're right on that one."

"What brought you here?" He questioned, genuinely seeming interested. He had his back turned to me as he rummaged around with the kettle.

"If I'm honest," I started embarrassingly, "I just didn't want to fully 'adult' yet. I graduated college and just wanted to get out and explore a little before committing to the adult lifestyle. My grandma lives just 10 minutes from here, so..."

"Smart choice. You're lucky to have that luxury of choosing to not commit to 'adulting' right away," He chuckled, turning to me to put adulting in quotation marks. I couldn't help but stare at him, he was not sore on the eyes at all. He was so kind, welcoming, a true gentleman. He had even welcomed me on 'the team' which was a promising sign, I wanted now more than ever to just sign my name and rights away on that stupid NDA. Whoever made that document up, must've been somebody higher up who didn't understand what having human connection is all about.

"Listen," Harry started, grabbing the two steaming cups and taking a seat across mine at the kitchen table. "I'm glad you're here. Promise to make your time here enjoyable as possible."

"The same for you," I replied quickly. "Obviously, that's what I'm here for."

He let out a small grin, glancing down at his cuppa. "I know ya had to sign one of those fancy documents."

"Haven't yet," I joked back. I already felt a lighthearted and friendly vibe from Harry, as if talking to an old friend I hadn't seen in months.

Harry quirked his eyebrow up with a smirk, "Why's that?"

"Wanted to make sure we'd get on or whatever. Couldn't work for a complete dick — excuse my language."

"I guess that's up to your own interpretation. But I have a feeling you'll be sticking around."

“Are you that sure of yourself?”

“Oh yeah,” He grinned proudly

We both laughed and then silence. An awkward beat passed by, I was looking down at the creases in the wooden table but I could feel his gaze burning. When I looked back up, he was fiddling with the rings on his fingers, shuffling them up and done. Might I add he had a ring for every single finger, minus two. Some were filled with bright gem stones,  two of which were compromised of his initials H and S.

"Well, back to business," He awkwardly coughed. "What I was saying is that, I know in that document it said we can't exchange personal numbers. But I really can't be bothered to go thru Jeff to text you what I need 24/7. Soooo...can I trust you with my precious mobile number?"

He was obviously joking because a huge smirk was plastered on his face, his teasing face met mine. It was clear from these few minutes of knowing him, that he couldn't care to take everything too seriously.

"If you could ever so grant me with your sacred number, I'd be honored. Just give me a ring whenever you need me to draw a warm bath for you Mr. Styles."

"Hmph," He tugged at his lip with a smile. "Sounds good, now please, don't blow me up tooooooooo much."

“You afraid I might get all clingy?”

He rolled his eyes playfully, as if he’s dealt with something like that before. The two of us then exchanged contacts, casually sipping on our tea which he made fabulously, might I add. Jeff soon came back down to join us and the three of us talked amongst one another for 10 minutes or so before Harry's phone started buzzing.

"Ah fuck," He mumbled, Jeff peered over Harry’s shoulder to grab a glance at his phone and his face fell as well. The two of them stared for a second at whatever may have been on the screen, I could only imagine what it may have been. I'd never dare to ask.

"Right well, I've got some uh, stuff to take care of," Harry sighed, meeting my gaze. He  looked obviously uncomfortable, almost sad. I smiled a bit too hard back at him, trying to lighten the mood since it seemed to go down quite drastically. I realized not even a second later the smile wasn't necessary because he didn't really reciprocate it. Now I just felt like a pansy.

"Let me uh, drive ya back to the front. It's cold and that's a long haul on a bike, I'd feel like a dick to let ya bike down there with these winds," Harry insisted, beginning to stand up. I couldn't let him do that though, I knew his mood was back down in the tank for whatever reason. I didn't want to have him drive me all the way back down to the front and inconvenience him, after all I was supposed to be tending to him, not the other way around.

"Thanks, but no thanks. I actually have to return the bike to a guest," I lied looking down at my phone. "Like right now, actually. Right now."

I was completely lying but I knew he couldn't refuse that and I didn’t want to have him pry anymore. I quickly rushed to the front door, Harry and Jeff following behind my footsteps.

"So very nice to meet you both once again, just give me a ring if anything is needed. I'm on call," I cheered awkwardly, pointing at my cellphone.

"Bye Colette, great meeting you," Jeff spoke up as I opened the door.

"A pleasure!" Harry called after me, as I rushed my way down the front steps of the deck. I scurried out so fast, you'd had thought I seen a ghost. Just like that, I was back on the handy blue bicycle again, wind rushing in my face, ready to sign those papers and officially take the job.

----------------------

It was close to 9PM as I was just finishing up setting up my temporary home on the premises in order to take on my new position. It was small, like the smallest cottage on the whole grounds. I didn't complain though, I was on a meal plan and had infinite variations of body washes to try out, so I was pretty content with my situation. Unlike I had requested, I was quite a distance away from Harry's cottage on the hill, so I'd have to continue those tedious bike rides back and forth very frequently.

I hadn't heard from Jeff or Harry ever since I had departed them this morning. Eve assured me that they were just settling in and that I should do the same. Eve had drove me over to my nan's house where I announced the good news to her, I think she was just thrilled to have her house back to herself for a little. I did happen to have a habit of never putting my dirty dishes in the dishwasher, and I didn't get on quite well with her two cats. So, I packed up an abundance of clothing and some essentials that I figured would be needed, I didn't overdo it though, I was only a couple miles down the road if I needed more.

I had taken a steaming bath, with all the windows open, my view was the running river in the back. Lit up lantern adorned the back garden and it felt like the epitome of autumn, my favorite season. I wasn't a huge fan of the tobacco vanilla candles, so I opted for the fall fragranced ones. I texted a few friends back home, letting them know to call me back whenever they had a chance, I was eager to let them know of my new position. Then I had a reality check where I realized I probably signed all those rights away in that NDA I never fully looked over.

So it was just me drowning in my thoughts, in a super oversized tin bath tub. I was more focusing on if I'd be busy at all tomorrow or if I just had all the time to myself in my new little home, and if so, what would I do? Should I start to Amazon prime myself some books or start a new series on Hulu? It was exciting, I was literally getting paid around the clock to just sort of wait for a request from Harry. I don't think I could have ever dreamt of a more better way to spend my months here in the English countryside.

Unfortunately, things were going too good too soon. I should've known that when Eve insisted she pay me around the clock that there was a reason. The slight vibration coming from my phone broke me out of my thoughts.

Jeff: Hey Colette. I know it's starting to get late, but we have a few friends at Harry's cottage here and it'd be awesome if you can bring the bar cart on over. Within the hour would be best. Thanks!

Fucking hell, not the bar cart. I had just gotten into my cozy PJs and was about to lay down to get an early's night rest —I guess that will not be an option tonight. The bar cart was one of the biggest pains in the ass, right alongside the breakfast cart. These carts where actually bright blue vintage-like vehicles, that are specially requested to the cottages. You drive them up, park them and hang out in the back of the cart and cater to whatever the guest of the cottage wants. They get hammered, you watch — exciting. For a full hour usually, and even more if they have the money to keep it past just one hour. I had never had the pleasure of taking on this role, but from what I heard, it was the worst of them all. I wasn't even trained for this, I could barely make a decent vodka soda, and now I have to go on up there and make a bunch of fancy drinks.

I started dialing Eve's number as I approached the bathroom to make myself somewhat presentable.

"Colette, what's up?" She spoke lazily on the other line.

"Jeff said Harry is requesting the bar cart to be brought up, isn't it too late?" I asked with a hint of annoyance.

"Oh, no. Not for Harry Styles darling.. I'll call up someone to drive it up, can you just be there when it arrives so you can cater and make the drinks?"

I rolled my eyes, there was no way of getting out of this and I suppose I was getting paid for a reason. "All right, I'll be there."

"Don't seem so down, people will kill for this opportunity," Eve quipped. "Now I got to tend to my children, shoot me a text if you need anything."

As soon as the call ended I began to freshen up and look somewhat presentable. Eve had requested someone to bring up the bar cart, and I'm sure she explained it was an ASAP type of request and I'd probably have to bike over as soon as possible.

I threw on a pair of jeans with a slouchy white tee shirt and a parka. I walked out and it was fucking crispy out, like I could totally see my breath when I breathed out. I wasn't so used to this weather in Southern California and I didn't know it would get so cold so soon here, it was September for fucks sake.

Hopping on the bike I began my journey up to the top of the hill. Despite the sky being so dark, the premise was brightly lit with a bunch of light posts. Opened cottage windows shined brightly onto the cobblestone, guiding me through. It almost felt like this place was a safe, utopian village where time stopped. It was everything you imagined when you thought of the English  countryside and I was becoming more in love with it each day.

I could hear laughter and cheers become more apparent as I began to reach Harry's cottage. Of course, the lovely blue bar cart was already parked in the road approaching the driveway. Eve really wasted no time at all when it came to catering to Harry Styles, I had never seen her so on top of things before.

"Hiya Colette," Michael, one of the porters who worked here waved at me as I went to approach the cart.

"I'm assuming you are the one who brought this on up here, are you staying?" I asked, hopping off my bike and planting it along the side of the vehicle.

Michael had a tight lipped smile splashed on his face, "Unfortunately, I am needed elsewhere tonight. Aaaaaandd... I kinda don't have a way back down to the main area so I'm going to need that bike of yours."

"Uh-uh, no way am I going to be held responsible for driving the cart back down after all this," I spoke back, pointing at the brightly lit up cottage in front of us.

"Just ring the front desk later, get somebody to ride up on a golf cart. We'll leave the bar cart here till morning, don't worry."

I gave him a harsh glare but allowed him to take my precious bicycle. "Good luck," He laughed as he started pedaling down the hill.

"Yeah, yeah," I mumbled to myself as I opened the back door of the cart, stepping up into the platformed area where a slew of alcohol bottles and mixers awaited me. Lucky for me there was a handy dandy drink recipe book laying around. I figured it would give me a rough outline for all these fancy drinks these fancy people would be ordering.

I grabbed my phone from my back pocket to shoot a text to Jeff announcing my arrival and that I was ready and waiting.

Colette Adkins: Hey Jeff. I'm here, pretty quickly too. Whenever people are ready they can come on out! :)

I hit 'send' and then took a quick look around to see what I was dealing with. A small opening with a wooden table was attached to the side, so I could hand over the drinks and they could order. Theoretically, this was a cute and great idea. Realistically, it was a total pain — not to mention very breezy. There was no sort of heating going on and I was so thankful I had chosen my giant parka in this moment.

The bottles to the right of me were adorned beautifully amongst one another, only the best of the best I presumed. I wasn't a huge drinker, I preferred a glass of Trader Joe's wine or an occasional white claw — mango flavored, of course. Did they even sell those here? Hmm, had to look that up when I got back to my room.

"Oi, oi!" A deep voice shouted out, happily walking down the driveway to my cart, arm wrapped around a beautiful blonde. Oh, so he has a girlfriend too? Harry strutted out from the house looking majestic, hair blowing in the wind with a big award winning grin. Jeff and another man with long hair tied up in a ponytail were following closely behind laughing and taking sips out of their crystal glasses.

I couldn't help but think that Harry looked extremely overjoyed, a huge difference from how I had left him earlier today. He wore a bright blue sweater with a baby chick on it and creme flowing pants — it definitely made a statement. And by the way he swayed when he walked, he was probably a little drunk, if not more.

As he approached me, his arm unravelled from the girl beside him and instead he plopped his elbows up on the wooden attached table and let his face fall into his tattooed hands. I couldn't help but notice a fresh coat of baby blue paint on his nails, sloppily done — I'm assuming done by him.

"So..." He trailed off with a beaming smile. "What are ya whipping up tonight Miss. Colette?"

I chuckled back at him nervously, 'not shit' I thought to myself. Maybe he'd be too drunk to notice how terrible my bartending skills will be.

"Oh and this, this lady right here is my lovely 'real world' assistant, Jamie. She's great," Harry added eagerly, gesturing towards the stunning blonde and bringing her back close to his side.

"Lovely to meet you both," I chirped. Jamie shot a smile back at me and reached out her perfectly manicured hand to me.

"Pleasure," She drawled with a thick London accent.

"We've been drinking a lot already but I think 'm down for some shots, yeah?" Harry called out to his small entourage surrounding the bar cart. Everybody laughed and I managed to throw a little wave to Jeff. I was relieved that it was only the four of them, I could only hope nobody else would show up. The smaller the crowd, the better.

"Well," I started, "I'm actually not a bartender and I have no idea what I'm really doing. A shot would probably be your best option, I can definitely fix that up for you."

"Pour it up then!" Harry exclaimed. "You got some tequila in there?"

I took a quick look to my side at the selection of alcohol, we had tons of varieties of almost everything. I mean it was quite an impressive collection for a little bar cart.

'Let me uh, actually, do you mind if I hop up in there with you?" Harry asked inquisitively, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. His eyes were glossed over with pleading eyes, lips pouty pink and his hair disheveled. I knew I shouldn't let him, Eve would have a fit if she knew he was coming up to try and make his own drink. Eve would also have a fit if I said 'no' to Harry Styles, though.

I didn't have much time to answer because Harry was already hopping up the steps and trying to make space for himself in the small little enclave inside the wagon. I couldn't help but get a whiff on his divine cologne, it smelled so musky and cozy — manly, but not too much. I looked down and Jeff, the pony-tailed man and Jamie were having their own sorts of conversation amongst themselves paying no attention to Harry and I, they were probably used to his drunken behaviors.

"So, what we do we have here, hmm?" Harry glanced over at the alcohol options. "You reckon you can make me one of those Rusty Nail drinks they make over at the Soho House in New York?" He put on a serious face, looking at me inquisitively before letting out a small laugh.

"I don't have an actual clue on that one," I laughed, knowing he was most likely not being serious. "Didn't even know a drink could be referred to as a Rusty Nail?"

"Indeed there is a drink called the Rusty Nail."

"Sounds terrible."

"I beg to differ, buuut, a tequila shot will have to subside. Casamigos?" Harry questioned, picking up the clear bottle and raising his shoulders at me suggestively. Oh, oh...so he wanted me to take a shot with him? That was a big no.

"You want me to take a shot with you?"

"Why fuckin' not? It's a celebratory night and it wouldn't be fair for you to stay sober whilst we're all getting hammered, eh?"

He was very considerate, friendly, too friendly. Like definitely doesn't know the fine line between business and friendship and I was strictly on the business side.

"I guess I'm a little cold, maybe a shot would warm me up..." I bargained, looking at the bottle and back to Harry's face, it was hard to say no to a grown man with a baby chick sweater.

"Aha!" He exclaimed, "Now everybody, come take a shot with the lovely Colette and I!"

I gave a look to Jeff worriedly, feeling as if he was going to reprimand me for agreeing to do this, but instead he waved his hand shaking the whole thing off with a laugh. Harry grabbed the very, very expensive shot glasses all in one hand impressively, I closed my eyes afraid he might drop one. With a hard ding he somewhat arranged them in an even line, sloppily filling them all up to the brim.

"Tonight," He began happily. "We celebrate a new era...new songwriting, new ideas...a much needed break." Everybody nodded their heads silently in agreement. "Mitch, my best and most talented pal, happy to have ya here with me. Jeff, can't believe you're leaving me for Glenne in LA, I hope she says, 'yes.'" Jeff raised his shot glass up laughing. I too held one in my hand, was there such a thing as a dramatic toast followed by a tequila shot? I suppose, in the lavish world of Harry Styles and company there was.

"Jamie, you're bloody great but get back home to that husband and child of yours in London. Enjoy some well deserved time off. And..." Harry turned to face me, "Colette, I already know you are a great addition to the team. Looking forward to seeing you show up at my door with an abundance of those fresh candles every week...cheers!"

The four of us raised our shot glasses and downed them quickly, the burn of the liquor tingling my tongue and throat. Holy shit, I had not had a tequila shot in so long I forgot just how gross they were. I let a little cough out as the tequila sank in, the warmth itching my throat.

Harry turned to me looking down, "What do ya say we sneak a couple bottles and just head into the cottage? Its cold out here."

"Not sure if that's allowed..." I started.

"Fuck it. Come on, grab your favorite one," He insisted, pointing to the bottles. "Let me guess you probably like them white claws or whatever."

"How'd you know?" I deadpanned pursing my lips.

"You Americans really have a huge thing for those, they're shit by the way," Harry teased.

"No they're not! They're delicious...especially the mango ones or, hey, have you tried the watermelon ones?"

Good one Colette, smooth, nice, funny, never been done before. I wanted to face palm myself in that moment. Harry snorted at my little joke though, so it couldn't have been that bad.

"Very funny you. Okay so, vodka?" He questioned, wrapping a few bottles in his arm. "Don't even answer that because it's what you're getting," He added jokingly. I didn't even have the heart to tell him I hated straight vodka because it was quite endearing the way he was trying so hard to be all inclusive. With the bottles in his arms, he teetered out of the bar cart, me following behind.

"Oh, Colette, come here!" Jeff insisted, waving at me. I walked up to him as he embraced me for a quick hug, I could tell he too was plastered. "This is Mitch. He's Harry's guitarist, super cool, one of us."

I switched my gaze to Mitch, the mysterious ponytail man. "Nice to meet you," He said shyly.

"You as well!" I said back cheerfully. I had barely eaten a thing today and just that one shot had created a small amount of excitement in me that wasn't there when I had first arrived.

"He'll be staying here with Harry, so I'm sure you'll be getting to know him some more. What do you think of Harry so far though?" Jeff asked inquisitively. We were all making our way up the driveway, Harry and Jamie were already inside.

"I mean, wow, he's great. Didn't really expect him to be so welcome and inclusive, if I'm honest. Can't help but think I'm overstepping my boundaries a little," I replied worriedly.

Jeff brushed it off casually, it was just now me and him on the front deck, everyone else was already inside. "That's just how Harry he is, he is just nice like that. I hate to try to be serious and all right now but, Harry's going through a bit of a tough time. This is his getaway for him, you know? He feels uncomfortable with the fact that you're here at his beck and call these upcoming months...so he is trying to make you see that you're now a part of his circle."

"Oh, wow." I didn't really know what to say. I'm assuming Jeff is probably that super emotional drunk, who just talks and talks trying to make a lesson out of everything.

"H is a great judge of character, though. He see's something in you, you left an impression on him earlier. He felt terrible kicking you —"

"Oi!" Harry hollered, abruptly opening the door and almost knocking my head. "Mate, I hate to cut you short but we're doing another round. Get the fuck in you two!"

Jeff sent me a 'told you so' look and we both happily pranced inside behind Harry, ready for whatever was to happen inside those

PART 2: THE BAR CART

[bai-zewarrior]

So I finally nailed down my designs for the black heart characters (except colossus, perry/predator and Madusa I'm still massing with them) along with some head canons! The characters might look a bit weird next to each other, I didn't draw them all on the same canvas. I know I'm suppose to but I was lazy and didn't want to re draw the refs on one canvas. I also appologize for this being so long.

I'm hoping to start a comic with these guys. I always end up saying no to projects like this because I don't think my art is good enough but I think I'm going to put my foot down this time!

Hal:

Can talk(unlike my version of Cyan)

Pretty laid back but knows when he needs to be serious

Will curse you out

Thinks Aura and Nautilus are cute together

His cape works as his "soul meter"(idk what to call it). It has 3 squares on the back that represent Hal's souls. The cape becomes tattered and ripped when souls are taken.

He just wants 5 minutes of peace without someone trying to take his souls, please give him his 5 minutes of peace.

Really hates colossus

In the context of black heart I don't consider him a nano bot. He can bleed and stuff like that.

When he sleeps his body starts to heal any wounds and mend his cloths. This leaves him defenseless as he will remain unconscious until it's finished. He tries not to sleep out in the open and often uses caves and trees as temporary shelters when he needs to sleep. This can also activate when he is knocked unconscious but in cases like with Colossus the healing part is stopped.

He can change colors but he prefers red. His cloths don't change colors with him. Just his skin and his cape.

Again, in he context of black heart, I imagine Hal just kinda woke up somewhere with a bit of knowlage about himself and that's about it. Shortly after works he ran into Aura and Nautilus for the first time. He considered the battle a joke.

Nautilus:

Has glowing markings all over his body. He can cause them to glow at will

Can only breath air for around 10 minutes( this time can decrease with some conditions such as heat or cold. This is because his gills need to be wet for him to breath air, so if it's really hot out his gills will dry out faster)

Has a stutter due to the N.A.T.U thing, among other things. Like trust issues when Xero is around

Is euryhalinr(this just means he can breath any kind of water)

His suit adds about 100lbs to him (material, water, and special boots to help with balance when moving around in the suit)

Likes to make jewlary with shells and stuff

Loves Aura to death. Would litterally die for her.

His teeth work like a shark's. One falls out? You've got plenty more to fill the gap! He has given pretty much all his friends breif heart attacks when he casually spits one out after they hear the loud bone cracking noise of a tooth braking. He keeps all the teeth.

Runs on all fours for some reason. No one knows why, including Aura.

Aura:

Learned all her magic from her parents

Her parents lived like hermits because they believed people still hold witch hunts. Aura hated this because she snuck out a lot and knew that this wasn't the case.

Can be a bit forgetful with spells so she always keeps her book with her at all times

Love Nautilus to death, would die for him too.

Can't swim, her body it denser then water so she just sinks. Nautilus is almost always with her when she's near water for this reason.

Aura's wand is broken but she just keeps fixing it with tape because she doesn't know how to make a new one. She also doesn't want to ask her parents because they wouldn't let her live it down.

Made the headphones Puffer wears so he doesn't have to worry about Siren trying to mind control him, again.

Aura has a secret garden. She uses it to grow her magic plants. It has a defense system that even Jestar can't get past. Only those she has given permission can enter, but those people can give temporary permission to others. Only Nautilus, Puffer and Solario have permission to go into the garden.

Has gotten use to the weird things Natalie can do.

Puffer:

A bit of a hermit, but will open up when he trusts someone

Always has his eyes closed because he thinks his eyes look scary. He can still see for some reason? (Like Brock from pokemon, idk how he could see but he traveled like 3-4 regions like that)

Changes colors depending on emotions. Blue is calm and happy, purple is upset and sad and red is anger and frustration.

Puffer can create lots of spikes all over his body if needed as well as a set of claws. He doesn't do this often.

Likes to cook but keeps it a secret from everyone. (Aura and Nautilus found out though, they just kept the secret)

He really doesn't like Siren after what she did to him, but he will talk to her and hang out with her if someone else he trusts is around.

Really wants to apologize to Hal but he hasn't gotten the chance to yet.

Is really self conscious.

He's not very good at swimming but Nautilus teaches him when Siren isn't around or in Aura's secret garden.

Siren:

Likes to sing for no reason

Has a not so small army of skeleton fish

Is litterally heartless (she doesn't like to talk about it)

Has a crush on Puffer but she doesn't know how to fix the bridge she burned with him

Plays chess with Myst a lot(and wins a lot, much to Myst's dismay)

She can shape shift her tail into a pair of legs. This was a "gift" from Jestar to help her be a better assassin for him

Thinks Xero is a prick

Likes to steal Xero's alcohol sometimes

Can water bend. She can't blood bend though. She's tried.

Likes rock and country music for some reason

Nautilus likes to play with her fish some times.

Knows a bit about necromancy. She doesn't like to talk about it though. She never does it in front of anyone besides her fish army

Myst:

Doesn't like to talk about his life outside work

Is well over 100 years old( he lost count)

Is very protective when it comes to Shade

Doesn't really understand Shade but will support her regardless

Likes to smoke when he thinks no one is around

Can create an umbrella to protect himself if he is caught outside when the sun comes up

Likes to play chess

Is basically a dad to the other assassins

Rarely opens his third eye. This usually only happens when he gets frantic, scared or extreamly angry

Does not have any remorse over killing Parry

He doesn't eat in front of others if it can be helped

Myst told Nautilus about Shade once. He had a bad feeling and asked that if anything happened to him Nautilus would take care of her. Only problem was no one thought about the address of Myst and Shade's mansion. He found her though, don't worry.

When he is exposed to sunlight it will immediately cause him to get sunburned. If he doesn't leave after about 30 seconds- 1 minute he will start to die slowly and painfully. He has taken a lot of tea baths because of the sun

Solario:

A big dork

Very loud and bubbly

Is a prince from a kingdom galaxies away from where black heart takes place in

Was suppose to marry the moon from the moon is getting away level (haven't given her a name yet) but she unknowingly broke Sol's heart so he left. He wanted her to be happy and he clearly couldn't give her that happiness.

Doesn't understand "mortal" things but wants to learn.

Nautilus taught him the word yeet and now he won't stop using it

I headcanon that his voice actor would Gary LeVox(lead singer of Rascal Flatts)(don't ask why, I can't change what has happened in my brain)

Will stop at nothing to see his friends happy

Likes hanging out with Aura, Nautilus and Puffer

Can make himself hotter or colder at will. He tends to stay at a heat that won't hurt others when the go near him, but not cold enough to cause himself harm.

If he gets to cold he can die. He also starts to become extreamly cold or extremely hot before death. The direction his tempature goes in is dependent on what he was doing before hand. (Example: reading a book, gets shot, starts to get colder and colder. Attacking Hal trying to get his soul, shapeshifts so much he almost blows himself up, gets hotter and hotter)

Can be a bit over dramatic sometimes

He is incredibly strong. He can lift both Puffer(who whieghs roughly 230 lbs) and Nautilus when he's in his suit(so about 250 lbs) with no trouble. He forgets about his stranghth some times and has accidentally thrown a few things before quickly trying to fix it.

His shapeshifting isn't limited to just objects, he can shape shift small things about him self like his cloths or his entire body into something like a dinosaur. He doesn't do it often though. Mostly just the cloths thing.

Jestar:

Yells a lot

Thinks everyone is incompetent except Xero, for some reason

Accidentally took Puffer when Siren joined do to a confusion about Sirens powers. He refused to send Puffer home.

Colossus is basically just his pet

Xero is the only one who can get away with yelling at Jestar. No one really knows why but they hold really long arguments about all sorts of stupid stuff

Did I mention he yells a lot? I did? Well I’m saying it again. He yells A LOT.

Can shapeshift in to anything

Does not know how to handle baby Madusa. He doesn't know how to handle people in general, and he thought creating a baby was a good idea.

Xero:

Smokes and drinks a lot

Has a German accent(I can’t un heard it, I’m sorry)

Has a wrapped sense of humor

Calls Natilus “shark boy” after natilus bit him(this is related to what happened before N.A.T.U)

Calls everyone a nicknames besides Jestar.

Makes more robots then he needs and holds robot death battles at night.

Wants to dissect Siran after he found out she’s litterally heartless.

Is drunk 90% of the time but that's when he works best. He doesn't care that he has a problem either

Dressed Madusa up is costumes a lot during the 2 weeks it took him to grow up. He created a scrap book with photos of them too.

Can actually be a really nice dude when he wants to be. He doesn't normally want to be nice

90% of his robots are idiots

He's left handed

Colossus:

Is basically Jestar’s pet

Doesn’t speak a language anyone knows

Is basically a king without a kingdom

Starts out really tiny but gets really big for a short period of time once he has infected someone

Shade:

Has trust issues

Is only like 16 years old

Has normal(ish) ghost powers because she was born a ghost

Drives Myst nuts with her edgy stuff

Likes talking to Perry(she meets him after the Funk Hole level)

Can bounce between having a ghost tail to having normal legs.

Her flower is technically apart of her but she doesn't consider it part of her.

Perry:

Kinda skittish around people who look scary to him(so 90% of the black heart cast)

Has a crush on Shade but won't admit it out loud because he's scared of getting bitten in half by Myst, again.

Around 18 years old

Left home because his mom and brother suck and he wanted to be a ghost hunter like the ones he saw on tv. He got his wish for like 2 hours?

Transforms into Predator during the full moons and special moons. Special moons can have different effects on his transformation and mental state. Like a blood moon causes him to become more blood thirsty but a blue moon causes him to actually retain his normal mental state.

He has a habit of spiraling about everything

Predator:

Can't say anything understandable

Each part of his head has a brain so they agrue sometimes

Around 5X the size of Parry

Acts like a dog sometimes

Would have probably just ate Hal instead of taking the souls.

Madusa:

Can breath underwater and air without issue

Doesn't like the fact that he looks like Nautilus

Hasn't figured out how to swim fast like nautilus yet but won't admit it

Calls Jestar dad

Actually gets along well with Xero

Xero calls him Moccasin

Has markings like Nautilus but they only glow in the dark and they aren't as bright

He's allergic to shell fish

Actually had about a 2 week period where he was a kid. Xero and Jestar just gave him a special serum that caused I'm to grow up faster.

Most of his teeth ended up like Aura's but his canines are significantly sharper then they would be. Xero also found an extra set of teeth under Madusa's adult teeth.

Doesn't like the idea that his whole life rests on a tiny, easy to brake, stone on his head but just rolls with it.

Scared Jestar and Xero a lot during his first few days of life. He not only descovered his allergy to shell fish but almost got himself caught by the others a bunch of times.

All these guys belong to OL666 except Hal, he belongs to vitamin games

[jinxthequeergirl]

1-20 for Ash since he's your groovy boy.

I'M CRYING THE TERM "YOUR GROOVY BOY" MADE MY HEART MELT TO A PUDDLE (i've had a real shit day this is the only think keeping me sane) 

In other news i wasn't sure if you meant like 1 through 20 or like just 1 & 20 so i went with the first option just so i could talk about him more(1 through 19 cause two where pretty much the same) I also made sure to make sure this was as gender natural as possible so

Enjoy

1: Cuddling

Ahakakab

Ok firstly Ash?

Biggest cuddlier ever

He just loves the close contact

Spoon wise

He is the big spoon cause he feels like even when sleeping hes protecting you

He also likes two other ways

A: His head on your chest with your arms around him

Because lets face it he also deserves to feel safe and protected

B: facing you with yout limbs in a tangle

Cause he likes to look at/ admire you

You look so peaceful its one of his favorite sights

2: kissing + Favorite kiss

Ash can be a pretty rough kisser

Almost kinda like a "we might die and or never see eachother again so this is my last chance to do this" type of kiss

Sometimes you have to remind him slow down and that everything is ok and as it should be

When he remembers that hes a very passionate kisser

Like he kisses you slowly but just rough enough to be perfection

She said sighing wistfully

They can also be really playful

He'll dip you while kissing you

But also he peppers kisses all over your face while tickling you

his favorite kisses are french and neck kisses

3: Injured

He likes to make jokes about it

To lighten the mood

Just cause seeing you worried about him breaks his heart

But also to make himself feel better and help to not worry bout it to much

He secretly likes getting injured

You're always so sweet and gentel with him

And you give him special treatments ( ;) ya know what i mean?)

He also pretends he doesn't like it when you kiss his injuries cause its "childish"

But he loves it

When you are injured however its a completely diffrent story

Hes not as calm and collected as you can be

Hes angry, worried and very guilty

You can tell he blames himself because he doesn't crack any jokes like usual and hes always very quiet while he's trying to patch you up

"Kiss me better?" You ask

That makes him smile and he kisses your injuries softly just like you would

You don't blame him and you tell him that much

4:First Date

Ashely J. Williams is not

A fancy man

classy

Or a rich man

He's not one for flashy/fancy dinner dates

Your first date was some sort of take out

In his trailer

You actually really enjoyed it

Only because he made it enjoyable

After dinner the two of you kinda just laied on the floor and talked

Which was weird for ash cause he was more of a

Take someone on a date and get down to bussnies type of guy

But he actually felt connected enough to just sit and chat

5: First kiss

It happens on the hood of the delta on your second date

You where sitting there star gazing

Just talking again and when you looked over you saw him staring at you

"What?"

"Nothing...it's just...your so amazing.."

You only laugh at him

Before suddenly you felt his lips on yours stopping you

That was one of the first and only times hes ever taken his time kissing you

It was one of those gentel kisses that you just melted into

He cupped your cheek with his hand and his other pulled you closer

It was one where when he pulled away you chased after it not wanting it to end

*cheifs kiss* twas perfection

6:Training

Ash really did his best to keep you out of that part of his life

He didn't want any one else he cared about dying on him because of it

He loved you to much

But it came to a point where he decided it was better to be safe then sorry

He taught you how to use the boom stick

And you quickly became pretty handy with it

That along with teaching yourself how to use a series of other tools

Like knifes and axes

He found it really attractive to watch you work like that

7: akward moment

The first really akward moment between you was probably the use of "i love you" too soon

To be fair though everyone thought they where about to die

So when ash blurted "I love you!"

And found that you where still intact

It was slightly uncomfortable in the room for everyone when you responded with

"You've never said that to me before."

And nothing else

Not that you didn't love him back

You where just unprepared for it to happen like that

After avoiding eachother him mainly trying to play it off as if he didn't say that

And acting as if Ash williams never told prople he loved them

Once you finally git fed up enough with it you had to basically yell it back to him

He was very relieved and happy to hear it

8: Fighting

Fights can go one of two ways usually

One being no one gets anywhere ever in the argument

Your both so stuborn

And ash being ash who hates to admit when he's wrong and never owns up to his own actions

Just makes you more angry

Making the argument get heated further

This type of fight usually ends in an angry make out session where your both apologizing like crazy

The other way is again ash being ash

But instead making you cry

This ends the argument pretty quickly because the only thing that can make him own up to any thing is you crying

You tend to use this strategy a lot in order to keep him quite

But sometimes it can really make you cry

He always apologizes right away and pulls you in for a tight hug where he kisses the top of your head

And wipes away your tears

You both actually hate fighting and hate that it ever (though rarely) gets to that point

9:crying

Like I've mentioned before

Ash cannot stand the sight of his baby in pain of any type

Crying is one of the worst things hes ever had to deal with in his life

And hes delt with a lot

His only goal in life is to make sure you are happy, healthy and safe

He's also kinda shit when it comes to dealing with emotions

He won't ask whats wrong right away

Just kinda stand there awkwardly attempting to make you laugh

When and if that doesn't work he'll finally sit down next to you and put a protective arm around you and ask whats wrong

If you don't wanna talk?

Thats ok hes there when you're ready to

Hes not leaving any time soon until your happy again

He'll hold you close to him

Pulling you into his lap to hold you properly

And just lets you cry

When you do tell him whats the matter

Bet your ass that its taken care of right away

Cause anything that makes his perfect partner cry? Dosen't even get the right to exsist anymore

10: sleeping

You better believe ash has nightmares

And feels bad for waking you because of them

But you're very well aware it can be hard for him to sleep

So you are more than happy to stay awake with him for as long as it takes

Even if that means until the sun rises

Or you fall asleep in his lap hes ok with that its the thought that counted

Nights like that are nights when he likes to cuddle you with his head on your chest

You'll kiss his head, smooth his hair

And even sometimes talk or hum to him to calm him down

That usually does the trick of getting him back to sleep for a little while

Sometimes he'll wake up gently and find you peacefully asleep beside him

And he'll kiss your cheek, cover you up and lay back down

Cause knowing your still safe is enough to help him sleep too!

11: bathing/ showering

I don't think ash would get or understand the want and need for a bath

But if you can convince him to take at least one with you

Boom

Thats all he'll ever wanna do

Man has never once in his life had time to sit and relax

But this is something else

To have you with him to

Either sitting across him

Or laying against him makes it Much more enjoyable

Baths are very rare very special occasion things though

Showering is a more often occurance and also a spontaneous thing

And its a plus cause its not Always a sex thing with him

It can be a nice and romantic thing as well

Especially on rough days when he wants to relax in the shower but also talk

Your there to keep him company

12: First time

Honestly the first time was well into your relationship with each other

And it happened in the Delta

It wasn't like rough, extremely passionate or even a serious matter

It was More fun and... vanilla with lots of laughter

It was sweet

The purest form of sex honestly is when you can laugh and or talk during it

And you two being the two people you are

Plus car sex being a horrible idea to begin with

Made it all the funnier but better

I don't think ash ever knew you could actually have like legitamie fun doing it

Just another thing you helped him realize

His heart like seriously skipped a beat hearing you laugh the way you had that night

Yet another reason he knew he loved you

13: soft spot/ weakness

Ash's soft spots include

Tummy

Hips

Neck

Jaw

And that lil spot behind the ear but just under it

Kiss him there and hes Tapped out

Ashes weaknesses are

His partner just in general

If you've been with him this long

He warships you

Definitely an ass/leg guy though

Wear something reveling enough tonshow case both ass and leg

K.o.

14:Pregnancy/ Birth

You wouldn't ever have to worry about ash not wanti g to be a dad or not

So you'd tell him almost right away

Ash is gonna get teary eyed

He'll make some jokes

But he will get watery eyes

And you know how happy new dads get when they find out they are gonna be a dad?

That whole "I'm gonna be a dad!? I'M GONNA BE A DAD!"

Yea 100% ash

Hes lifting you off the floor and spinning you around cheering

About how theres gonna be a lilttle Ash jr. Running around

Hes definitely the kinda guy who likes to talk to the mommy tummy all the time

Bump or not

Everything is suddenly about the baby

Hes always on the look out for baby things

Buys everything

Hes probably the dad who wants to mix the parents names together and name the baby that

Which is kinda gid awful and you tell him that

If its a girl you agree to name her Cheryl after his sister

Which lowkey makes him teary eyes again

You agree to let him pick the boy name though

He jokes about picking names like...idk hulk or something

But you picked a meaningful name he wants to do the same

You can trust him with that much

When the baby is born

He almost refuses to let it go

Hes got that new dad worry/ slash haze

"Where are they taking them?"

"Are they ok!?"

Loses his shit when the baby does grabby hands and holds his prosthetic finger

Hes so proud of his new kick ass family

15:Touching

When ash touches you its usually soft, slow and gentle

No matter what

That’s it

He lets his fingers gently run across your skin

Mainly because 👏he 👏worships👏you👏

And you deserve to be treated like the holy entity he sees you as

He hold your hand firmly though as not to lose you

16 : Undressing:

Its either slowly piece by piece

Taking his time to do so

Or extremely fast

17 what “turns them on” :

ash is horny by nature 

do anything around him when hes in the right mood easy enough 

but other than that ash likes being in control of situations 

makes him feel powerful 

so give that man even the slightest bit of power and hes ready 

he also finds it supper attractive when you are in charge and calling all the shots 

18 domestic life 

once everything with deadits is finally over and is at peace 

the first thing ash does is marry you 

then moves you to Jacksonville Florida likes hes always wanted 

then thats where you would have your baby 

the both of you get good jobs 

send your kid(s) to good schools 

all of yours childrens friends love being around ash and hearing him tell stories 

19 farewell/ how they say goodbye 

he always gives you a good solid kiss 

before softly telling you to have a good day and to not miss him to much 

hes always extra careful to throw in one last quick peck on the lips or cheek before you leave 

[taboofables]

CP2077 OC ask game *:･ﾟ✧⚔️🤖🔮 [x]

PERSONAL.

1. what is their full name? do they have any nicknames? what are they and why did they get them? Vincent Laszlo Toth. Everyone just calls him V because he doesn’t like getting too personal. But if he feels comfortable around you he prefers to be called Laszlo. He’ll tell you himself  

2. how old are they? how long have they been living on their own? 28 as of 2077. He’s been living on his own for 10 years since he joined Arasaka

3. what are their astrology signs? sun/moon/rising. He was born on June 10th 2049, which makes him a sun Gemini, moon Libra and ascendant Virgo 

4. what tarot card from the major arcana would you associate with them? The Fool, the Hanged Man, Death

5. are they religious or spiritual in any way? Neither but his experience made him think of many things and he’s coming to a sort of spirituality in his own way 

6. which of the four elements would you associate with them? Fire for his inner strength and transformation through action 

9. which of the nine alignments are they? (lawful good etc) Chaotic neutral 

10. which of the myers-briggs personality types are they? ESTP

11. do they have any cyberware? is it cosmetic or is it weaponry/armor? Circulatory system: Second heart; Frontal cortex: Ex-Disk; Arms: Projectile launch system; Ocular system: Kiroshi optics; Cyberdeck: NetWatch Netdiver Mk.5; Integumentary system: Subdermal armor; Skeleton: Titanium bones, Bionic lungs; Legs: Fortified ankles 

12. what is their occupation? Arasaka’s personal lapdog? He’s not sure yet because he does a bit of everything but his competence in weaponry and hacking earned him a good score in the eyes of Saburo and Hanako Arasaka themselves. Sorry Goro & Oda 

13. if you were to choose a class for them, what would it be? Combat netrunner

14. what is their weapon of choice? M-179 Achilles precision rifle, Malorian Arms 3516 gun

15. what is their preferred vehicle or transportation of choice? Villefort Cortes Delamain no.21 & Yaiba Kusanagi CT-3X.  Depends on his mood and how fast he needs to arrive

16. how would you describe their style? He’s a shameless looter and wears only the best from his fallen enemies :)  But mostly it’s neomilitarism

17. are they a early riser or a night owl? Night owl. He can adapt but at any given chance he stays up late and wakes up late

18. share three songs you associate with them. Devils Got You Beat - Blues Saraceno Nu Disco Remix Limp Bizkit - Break Stuff Jonathan Davis - Walk On By

NIGHT CITY.

19. is your character from night city? if no, where were they born? what brought them to night city? if yes, what area of the city did they grow up? Charter Hill, Night City. It’s a corpo district, relatively new. Used to be a nice place until everyone with big pockets got the hots for North Oak. Now it’s just the most affordable comfort area for mid-level corpos

20. where do they currently live? describe their home. He currently resides at the Arasaka Family Compound outskirts of Tokyo. It’s a huge ass fortress in a feudal style, beautiful and old-fashioned. He has a simple but spacious room in a traditional Japanese style with a futon mattress. He loathes it & most of the people around but at least he gets fed well regularly, and he enjoys spending time in a cherry grove garden 

21. do they have any favorite spots around NC? A garden in the Glen, he found it refreshing

22. do they like to cook for themselves, or eat out? do they prefer restaurants or street food? and how do they feel about vending machine food? He doesn’t like vending machines and enjoys the food served at the Compound, even if it seems exotic to him. But occasionally he eats street food to remind himself of his past life

23. do they prefer the city or the badlands? Stone jungles all the way. He was born in the city and he doesn’t get the appeal of dirt, sand and wind

24. what gang/faction/corporation do they align with, if any? Arasaka. He always thought it was more promising than Militech despite his parents’ lectures. His fate within the company wasn’t always good but he worked hard to prove himself. In some twisted way it did pay off

25. which radio station(s) is their favorite? He switches between Pacific Dreams, Vexelstrom, Samizdat and Morro Rock

26. if they do merc work, do they have one dedicated fixer? if so, who? Not really but he enjoyed working with Rogue. Johnny was right, she is the best. Her charisma is unmatched

27. have they ever had run ins with the badges? He prefers not to attract attention even if he has corpo immunity

28. are they quick to help a stranger in need or do they prefer to stay out of other peoples business? Depends. If stranger seems to be innocent then he might, but if V smells they brought it on themselves he won’t lift a finger for them

29. do they have any favorite celebrities that frequent or live in NC? how would they feel meeting them? V isn’t into celebrities. His closest experience to meeting one would be abduction of Hanako Arasaka. It wasn’t part of the plan and at first he thought he screwed up even worse than before - she was his former boss’ daughter at the time and he was practically begging her for help. But for some strange reason she reached out to him more than once so maybe he wasn’t so terrible

RELATIONSHIPS.

30. is your friend a social butterfly or more of a loner? Not exactly a butterfly but certainly not a loner. He socializes well but currently the world of top-level managers makes him feel out of place. Not a lot of people to connect to and it’s suffocating

31. who are their closest chooms in NC? Jackie was. Now it’s Viktor Vector and Misty but he hasn’t seen them in a while

32. do they have anyone they would consider family? Judy and Panam as they went through a lot together and supported each other

33. what is/was their relationship like with their parents? They are Militech managers so they weren’t happy when he chose Arasaka. They don’t communicate ever since

34. do they have siblings? He has an older brother Andras ‘Andy’ Toth but he hasn’t spoken to him for a while either

35. how would you describe their relationship with their family? Estranged

36. who is their biggest enemy? At this point anyone The Arasakas point their fingers at

37. tell a short story about your character with their best choom. Not exactly a story but V regrets never telling Jackie how much he affected his life. Jackie was a real force of nature

38. do they have a love interest? if so, who? He might... But he’s completely oblivious to his feelings and she’s way out of his league. It’s Hanako Arasaka

39. are they in a committed relationship or do they date around? They’re not and they don’t

40. has your character ever been in love? if so, with who? Once, with another corpo girl at Arasaka long time ago. It didn’t work

41. do they believe in soulmates? No, he believes in luck and mutual efforts

42. do they believe in love at first sight? He heard about it but it never happened to him and he doesn’t believe he can fall for someone just seeing them for the first time. You literally don’t know them at all at this point. He believes that love is a mutual investment and work

43. describe their ideal date. At this point it might be something as simple as watching sakura trees blooming. Small pleasures of life

44. would your character ever get married? If he had more time to live then maybe, theoretically. If he could be with someone special and circumstances worked in their favor

45. what was your characters first impression of their partner(s)? Not a partner but rather a love interest. He thought that Hanako handled herself well given the overall situation, and even was arrogant as fuck. Maybe that’s why she impressed him, it left a mark on his memory. I mean, you kidnap someone and they pretty much insult you? Fuck yes, no gift wrap is required

46. are they open about their relationship or low key? how would other people feel about them together? They’re not in a relationship but if they would be then it’d definitely be low key. No one should know, otherwise it may create serious problems for both

47. share a headcanon about your character and their partner(s). He likes to take and touch things from her table when he’s pensive during their conversations. Occasionally he spouts self-made haiku when the mood strikes him and boy - he’s terrible at it

48. share three songs you associate with your character and their partner(s). Chris Isaak - Wicked Game Jonathan Davis - Basic Needs The Rolling Stones - Anybody Seen My Baby? Hikaru Utada - Heart Station

NSFW.

49. name three of your characters biggest turn ons. Nice derriere, beautiful eyes and maturity

50. name three of your characters biggest kinks. Not taking clothes off; Voyeurism; Footsie

51. do they like having multiple partners or do they prefer monogamy? When it comes to a relationship he’s fully committed but he hasn’t been in one for a long time

52. do they watch porn or braindances? Both but BDs beat porn. He doesn’t do it often though

53. would your character ever make an explicit braindance? No, he’s not interested and not in a position to make one

54. do they have any cybernetic enhancements that serve sexual purposes? No

55. do they have a preference for ‘ganic bodies or do they like modifications? He doesn’t care much as long as he likes the person. Organic bodies are soft and warm, they give different kind of sensations. But he’s not picky

56. name three of your characters biggest turn offs. Low IQ, overly sexual behavior, manipulations

57. what is their ultimate fantasy? or ““secret”“ kink? Don’t ask because he won’t tell you even if his life depended on it. It’s bending Hanako over her piano and giving her a hard fuck, and once they’re done it’s breathing heavily in unison against her neck, their hands holding each other, her golden fingers leaving bruises on his thighs afterwards

58. would they ever use any substances like aphrodisiacs, alcohol or drugs during sex? No, he prefers natural sensations. At least as long as his nervous system is working properly

59. what is their wildest sexual experience? He accidentally almost drowned once during sex in a bathtub

60. are they more submissive or dominant? Dominant

61. does your character need to have an intimate relationship with someone to have sex? or do they prefer being unattached? That depends on a situation. Intimate relationship heightens the effects but aren’t necessary to derive pleasure

62. has your character ever participated in group sex? No but he received invitations

63. do they like to sext or play over the holo? Yes, if there’s a appropriate time for it

64. has your character ever ghosted someone after a sexual encounter? Yes

65. how would they react if they were ghosted by someone they like after a sexual encounter? He’s already been ghosted by Meredith Stout and he doesn’t think it’s a big deal. It’s unpleasant but why focus on something that doesn’t work if you can find more opportunities?

66. do they prefer kink oriented sex or spontaneous passionate sex? If he had to choose then it would be the latter 

67. how do they get down on their own? quick and easy or do they have to romance themselves a little? Quick and easy, all he needs is imagination and a shower. Just don’t disturb him

68. in what outfit do they feel sexiest? how do they dress to impress? Anything that’s clean, fresh and comfortable to wear

69. do they like having music on while they have sex? share three songs they’d play while getting down. He never tried it with music but he’s always open to new experiences and suggestions

[noona-clock]

Now or Never - Part 3

Genre: College!AU

Pairing: Jae x You (Female!Reader)

Warnings: Angst, cursing

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 | Words: 2,708

You were trying to tell yourself that this wasn’t the worst Christmas you’d ever had... You were really trying.

But after a week at Kevin’s house, you couldn’t keep lying to yourself.

His parents were... Well. Let’s just say, the three of you didn’t quite see eye-to-eye on some things. A lot of things. 

They were polite, of course. As were you. But boy did you feel incredibly awkward around them. 

The fact that Kevin’s parents were so awful made you miss your parents even more than you already did. And, weirdly enough, it made you miss Jae’s parents and grandparents, too. They were always so nice to you, treating you as if you were actually their family instead of just Jae’s friend.

Throughout this entire week, you’d been texting Jae almost constantly, asking what he was doing and making him tell his grandparents that you wished you were there.

Because you really did. If you knew it wouldn’t totally and completely offend your boyfriend and his family, you would’ve left and gone to Jae’s house days ago.

Kevin, of course, was getting increasingly irritated with all your texting. He still tried to convince you to stop being friends with Jae, and it honestly made you wonder if he was just stubborn or if he was missing a few brain cells. Literally, nothing could make you stop being friends with Jae, and you couldn’t understand why Kevin couldn’t understand that.

Then, one night closer to the end of break, Kevin told you one of his friends from high school was having a party. He slid his arms around you from behind, placed some gentle kisses on your neck, and murmured that you owed him some attention since you’d been glued to your phone so much.

“Going to this party with me is the perfect way to make it up to me,” he pointed out before kissing just behind your ear.

And, okay fine. He was right.

And also the spot just behind your ear was your weakness, and you would practically do anything after being kissed there.

So, you went to the party. You met a bunch of Kevin’s friends from high school. You sipped some sort of alcoholic beverage from a red Solo cup. And you didn’t even get your phone out of your pocket.

...For the first fifteen minutes.

But Kevin kind of abandoned you!

I mean, not really, but he went somewhere with his friends, and even though he said he’d be right back, he didn’t come right back, and you knew nobody there, and you didn’t feel like making new friends, and what else were you supposed to do?!

You found a chair in a corner, plopped down, and started texting Jae.

You were just about to type out another message, reminding Jae he had yet to tell you what he was doing, but someone suddenly grabbed your phone right out of your hands.

“Hey!” you cried instinctively, your gaze snapping up to see who the thief was.

“I knew I should’ve made you leave your phone at home,” Kevin chuckled. But when he actually looked at your screen, any amusement in his face faded instantly. “Seriously? You’re texting him again?”

“He’s my --” You sprang from your chair and reached for your phone -- to no avail. “-- Best friend!”

You had to get your phone out of your boyfriend’s hands before he actually read --

“Excuse me?!” he laughed, his brow furrowed deeply as his eyes sped across your screen. “That was pretty shitty of me? That’s lame, Bro? Why did you even come tonight if you were going to be so bored?”

“You wanted me to come!” you retorted. “And I wouldn’t have been bored if you hadn’t deserted me!”

“I did not desert you, don’t be so dramatic. I went to go say ‘Hi’ to some old friends for a few minutes.”

“Well, it was long enough to make me feel deserted.”

“And so your first reaction was to text him?”

“I don’t understand your beef with him!”

“I don’t understand why you’re constantly texting him when you should be texting me!” Kevin countered, his eyes shifting back to your phone. He scrolled up your conversation, and you once again tried to grab it away from him -- to no avail.

Scrolling up in your messages with Jae would only lead to more arguing because, for the past week and a half, you’d basically only been complaining and telling Jae you wanted to be at his house instead of Kevin’s.

“What -- what the fuck is this?!” Kevin cried after a few moments.

“Give me --” you muttered, attempting to take your phone back one more time.

“If you didn’t want to come, then you could have said ‘no’!” he spat. “Jesus! How do you think this makes me feel?! Seeing my girlfriend has been texting another guy all this time, saying she would rather be with him?!”

“It’s not like that!” you groaned with exasperation. “I just -- you can tell that your parents don’t really like me, and I get along really well with Jae’s family --”

“Then you should have gone home with him,” he grumbled.

“But I wanted to be with you!”

“Well, I find that pretty hard to believe right about now.” He looked back at your phone, scrolling through the messages again. “According to all of these messages, all you want to do is complain about me. Are you fucking kidding me?!”

“Kev, come on,” you whined. You stepped up to him, putting a hand on his upper arm as your brow furrowed deeply.

He dodged your touch, though, moving away from you and throwing your phone onto the chair you’d just occupied.

“You don’t want to be here? Fine,” he sneered. “Leave.”

But then he left. He turned and walked away from you and all you could do was stand there in shock,

Because he actually left you.

When you heard a door slam over the blaring music, you came to, grabbing your phone and running after him.

“Kevin!” you screamed after arriving at the front door and throwing it open.

But, apparently, it was too late. Kevin’s car was pulling away from the house and zooming down the street.

So... he had not only left the party, he had left you at the party.

What the actual fuck?

Your heart began to race, your breath coming in short bursts as tears filled your eyes.

What -- what was happening?

Kevin had -- he’d actually left you? At a house you’d never been to? With people you’d never met?

Oh... oh my god.

Before you knew it, your phone was pressed to the side of your face, and Jae’s all-too-familiar voice was in your ear.

“Yo, that must be one lame party --”

“Kevin left me here,” you whimpered.

“What?” Jae’s voice went from slightly amused to incredibly serious in less than a second. “What do you mean he left you there?”

“He saw our messages and got really upset and just -- he left. He left me here by myself, and I don’t know anyone, and --”

The huge lump in your throat prevented you from saying anything else, but thankfully, Jae filled the silence almost immediately.

“I’ll come and get you.”

“But it’s almost an hour away,” you choked out.

“Get an Uber, and I’ll meet you halfway,” he replied. “Send me your location. I’ll get one for you.”

“Okay,” you sniffled, feeling a tear trickling down your cheek. “Thank you.”

“Find a corner and stay there. Don’t talk to anyone, try not to show that you’re scared, okay? Just look at your phone. Do you want me to stay on the line?”

“No, it’s okay,” you shook your head. “You need to drive. I’ll just look up Baby Yoda memes or something.”

The sound of Jae’s faint chuckle actually made your lips quirk into a very small smile, and you felt just a little relieved when he said, “Okay. Send me your location as soon as I hang up. I’ll get you out of there as fast as I can.”

“Okay,” you whispered. And before either of you had the chance to hang up, you quietly added, “Love you.”

It almost sounded like Jae hesitated a little before he spoke, but he replied with, “Love you, too. Don’t talk to anyone. Baby Yoda memes only.”

“Copy that,” you said with a watery grin before you heard the hang-up beep.

As soon as Jae received your location, he figured out a good halfway point and called a ride for you as quickly as he possibly could. He didn’t want you at that party all by yourself for any longer than was absolutely necessary.

Once he got your ride situation squared away, he grabbed his keys, yelled out to his parents that he was going to pick you up, and hopped into his car. Of course, his mom was calling out after him asking why he was picking you up, but he was already halfway down the driveway by that point.

The half-hour drive to the meeting point he’d decided on was probably the longest half-hour of his life. He was nervous that something was going to happen to you, first of all. He was incredibly angry at Kevin for leaving you, second of all. He was anxious about bringing you back to his house, third of all. And being nervous, incredibly angry, and anxious was not a good combination. Especially when you’re behind the wheel.

But Jae managed to drive safely to the meeting point, and when he pulled up and saw you waiting, he let out a huge sigh of relief. But he also cursed under his breath because you were waiting there alone, and he should have gotten there sooner.

Jae hastily parked and got out of the car, leaving it running as he strode over to you. He had been thinking too much about all the things which could have happened to you, and now that you were here, he needed to reassure himself that you were all right.

“Are you okay?” he murmured just before he reached you, just before he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close to his chest.

You immediately burrowed into him, pressing your forehead into his neck and curling your arms up in-between the two of you. “Yeah,” you murmured, just barely nodding your head.

He squeezed you once before pulling away, holding onto your shoulders and examining you just to be sure. You were fine -- at least physically -- but you looked exhausted. 

“Come on, let’s go,” he murmured as he slid his jacket off. As the two of you turned toward his car, he placed the jacket around your shoulders, resisting the urge to keep his hands on your arms.

For the first ten or so minutes, the only sound in Jae’s car was the radio on low volume.

But then Jae couldn’t hold himself back any longer.

“You know I want to actually murder him, right?” he blurted out. “That was literally the stupidest thing he could’ve done, and he put your safety on the line. I’m not okay with that.”

“I really don’t want to talk about it,” you murmured.

He glanced over at you, seeing you were leaning against the window, pressing your temple to the glass with your eyes closed.

Jae pressed his lips together so he wouldn’t sigh in frustration, and he managed to simply respond with, “Yeah.”

But then, because he was having trouble with his self-control at the moment, he added on, “But you’re staying with me until break is over. You can borrow some of my sister’s clothes or we can, like, go shopping or something. You’re not going back to him.”

He was expecting gratitude, of course; he couldn’t imagine you would even want to go back to Kevin’s house after this fiasco. But instead of hearing any words resembling ‘thank you’ come out of your mouth, you said, “Jae, I already have one guy trying to tell me what I can and can’t do. Don’t make it two. I wasn’t planning on going back, but that should be my decision.”

...Well, damn. You were right.

“Sorry,” he sighed. “I’m just -- I’m super mad at him.”

“Yeah, well, you’re not the only one. And we’re not going to talk about him anymore, okay?”

Jae could hear the weariness and irritation in your voice, and he knew you well enough by now to understand that he just needed to shut up.

“Got it,” he mumbled, nodding once.

And then he continued to drive on in silence.

In fact, the rest of the car ride was silent. The walk into his house was silent. The journey upstairs to his room was silent. The first word either of you spoke was when you asked if you could borrow some pajamas.

“Yeah, of course,” Jae murmured, opening a drawer in his dresser and grabbing a long-sleeved shirt and some sweatpants. “There should be an extra toothbrush in the bathroom, and you can sleep in the bed. I’ll go down to the couch.”

“No, stay,” you requested. “Kevin has already tried to call me three times, and I can’t -- I need you.”

Jae was so torn. He wanted to stay with you, but he didn’t want you to need him because you were too weak to ignore your jackass of a boyfriend. In fact, that was the exact opposite of what he wanted. He wanted you to grow a backbone and leave him. Even if you didn’t go running into Jae’s arms and realize you actually did have romantic feelings for him, he still wanted you to leave Kevin. You had to at this point.

Right?

He was torn, but he still answered, “Yeah, I’ll stay.” And it took literally every ounce of willpower in him to add, “You should text him, though. Let him know you’re safe.”

No fucking thanks to him.

You simply nodded, and Jae left the room to brush his teeth as you got out your phone. He probably shouldn’t trust you to only send the one message, but he just couldn’t make himself be in there when you did. If he literally never saw, talked, or heard about Kevin for the rest of his goddamn life, it would be too soon.

You came in to join him just a minute later, lazily brushing your teeth once Jae’d handed you the spare toothbrush. You borrowed his face wash and moisturizer, too, and the two of you shuffled off to bed once you’d finished.

After slipping in under the covers and turning off the lamp on his bedside table, Jae fully expected nothing but silence. Neither of you was particularly in the mood to talk -- really, all Jae wanted to talk about was how you were going to break up with Kevin.

But you surprised him by saying, “Thank you.”

“Nah,” he replied quietly.

“No, really,” you urged. “Thank you. And I’m sorry.”

“You have no reason to be sorry. But... you’re welcome. I know you’d do the same for me.”

Jae could feel you nod, and then he felt you turn over to face him. He stayed on his back, knowing that if he turned to face you, it would be much too difficult for him not to touch you or want to kiss you.

“I hope you know how thankful I am for you,” you whispered. “I’ve always wanted a friendship like what we have, and I can’t tell you how glad I am that I found one with you. I seriously don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Well, thankfully, you don’t have to know,” he replied. “I’ll always be here for you.”

To be quite honest, though, he was starting to feel his energy draining. He’d put up with your boyfriend for over a year now, and after tonight, he wasn’t sure how much more he could take.

All he could do was hope you would come to your damn senses and break up with him.

Because he really had no idea what he would do if you didn’t.

Part 4 

[bisexualbuck]

To Be Loved, To Belong

Day One of the Evan Buckley Week 2020! The prompt was “That’s my family” + fluff

Summary: 5 times Buck almost tells his family what they mean to him.

+1 time he does.

[Read on AO3]

(Full text under read more)

1. Maddie

Buck will never blame Maddie for cutting contact with him while she was under Doug’s hold. Anytime she tries to bring it up and apologize, he tells her he knows it’s not her fault.

Because it isn’t. It has never been and it never will be.

He is only glad that she is free of that abusive relationship and that she is making a new life for herself. Every time they see each other, he feels the same endless pride for his sister who survived, who made it out, by herself.

Having her in his life again after so long is something he will never tire of. Growing up with such an age difference could have prevented them from being as close as they are, but the way they were raised made sure that they did.

Something that Buck can say, is that Maddie raised him more than their parents ever did. He is so thankful for her, although he would never tell it to her face, unless in very exceptional circumstances. She is still his sister and it’s his obligation to annoy her as much as humanly possible.

He smiles at the sight of Maddie laughing with Hen and Athena. He loves these moments, with all of the people he cares about, together in the same place.

Maddie has made herself a place in this group of people effortlessly, and sometimes it feels like she has always been a part of their little family.

Family.

Yes, this is a family. His family.

The thought is so sudden that it makes him want to weep.

All his life, that’s what he has longed for. A family. To be loved. To belong.

Growing up, it was only him and Maddie, with their parents around, not invested. A family by blood but not by love. It had been enough for the two siblings, because they had no other choice.

But now, Buck isn’t as alone anymore.

He has a family and he can share it with his sister.

They have made it. They have built themselves a true family, a family that they have chosen and that stays and that loves, not because they feel an obligation to, but because the choose to.

Every day these people make the conscious decision to love one another and to be there for each other.

Buck has never thought that he could have that, and now he has.

He is so happy he could cry.

“Earth to Evan.” It’s Maddie. He didn’t even notice her until she spoke, too deep in thoughts. “What’s got you looking so thoughtful? That’s never a good thing.”

It’s you, he wants to say. It’s this family that we’ve made.

We’ve made it, Mads, he wants to say. We’re not alone anymore.

This is our family.

Instead, he smiles and says, “Nothing. I’m just happy.”

“Oh, Evan,” she hugs him, and he thinks maybe she has heard the words he could not find. “I’m happy too.”

He knows she is. It’s like he can finally be at peace, knowing that his sister is safe and loved like she deserves to be.

.

2. Hen

Hen opens the door seconds before the bell has even finished ringing.

“Thanks for coming on your day off like that. I owe you one big time.”

Buck shakes his head, offering a smile. “You don’t owe me anything.”

Her face is soft as she looks at him, and he almost squirms under her gaze. He is getting better at accepting open testimony of affection but he is still not quite there yet. Some part of him might always be waiting for the other shoe to drop, for people to leave him.

“Still,” she says. “Thank you. Our sitter called sick last minute and Karen and I both need to be present for the meeting.”

“Hen,” Buck cuts, gently. “It’s fine. You know I love the little dude. I’m just gonna help Denny with his homework, as you asked, and maybe we’ll watch a movie if we have time. It’s all fine.”

Karen chooses that moment to arrive, holding Nia in her arms. She rushes to Buck’s side and gives him a quick kiss on the cheek.

He takes the chance to pull a face at Nia, and is proud to make her giggle. He laughs too, and continues playing with her for a few seconds, only stopping because he knows that Karen and Hen have to get going.

“She’s so cute, guys. I’m so glad for you.”

“You’re too sweet, Buck,” she says and he blushes. Karen has always intimidated him but she is also kind and loving, and like every vaguely parental figure in his life, he craves her approval. “We’ve left some cash for dinner in case we run too late.”

She bids him goodbye after one last reminder that Denny needs to study for a coming history test.

Hen stills at the door, Nia’s diaper bag in her hands. She gives Buck one more thankful look and he wants nothing more but for it to stop because he has never known what to do when he’s being thanked.

Especially since he has no problem helping out. Denny is a good kid, as smart and kind as his mothers. It really is no trouble spending one afternoon with him.

“How can I thank you, Buck?” Hen asks.

You’re family, he wants to say. You never have to thank me.

“Go to your meeting,” he says instead. “We’ll be fine.”

She is gone with one last smile, and Buck spends a great afternoon with a great kid, his heart full of love for this family that he belongs to.

And when Hen and Karen come back with Nia, Buck stays for dinner, grateful to share the moment with them, grateful for them.

That night, he falls asleep with a smile on his face.

.

3. Chimney

“Could you at least try not to end up in the hospital so often?”

“Like you can talk, Mister I-Spit-In-Death’s-Face-On-The-Regular,” Buck shots back easily, glad that the effects of the anesthesia have worn off. “The hospital’s given you a loyalty card yet?”

Chimney laughs the comment off and he comes to sit next to Buck’s hospital bed, choosing instead to punch him lightly in the shoulders. He is carrying a bag that smells like delicious Indian food.

“Here,” Chim says. “Hospital food sucks.”

“Thank you, man,” he breathes out as he takes the plate Chim is holding out to him. “I owe you my entire life.”

“No, thanks, I’m not interested.”

If Buck wasn’t too busy wolfing down his meal, he would have found something to retort. He has not eaten in hours, ever since he woke up this morning, feeling like hell. He had driven himself to the ER – which Bobby gave him a earful for on the phone when he found out – where the doctors told him what he had already guessed.

His appendix was inflamed, and he needed to be operated.

It’s a small operation and he would not even spend the night at the hospital. In fact, Chimney is here to pick him up as Buck will be discharged soon enough.

“How are you feeling?” Chim asks when Buck is done with his food.

“Honestly, I’m fine,” Buck replies and he puts his hand on his belly. “It’s nothing. I’ll be back to work in no time. You won’t even have time to miss me too much, baby.”

He gives Chimney an exaggerated wink and – okay, maybe he is still feeling a little bit the anesthesia.

“Baby?” Chim laughs. “You’re the worst. Why the hell do I even keep you around.”

“Well, we work together and you’re basically my brother-in-law at this point, so it’s not like you have choice.”

Chim gives him a long look, amused but Buck can also read tenderness in it.

“Sure,” he says at last. “The fact that I’m dating your sister is definitely the only reason I’d come to see you in the hospital on my day off. It’s not like you’re my friend or anything.”

Buck blames the meds again for the way his eyes feel not as dry as they ought to be.

He almost says it, then.

You’re my family, whether you’re dating my sister or not.

Thank you for coming two hours before they release me to keep me company.

He doesn’t say it.

“You have great taste in friends then,” he jokes instead and neither mention how is voice sounds a little too wet.

“That’s debatable, Buck.”

Chimney stays until Buck is released, and he stays some more when he drops Buck off at his place. He stays until Buck’s showered and tucked in bed, though he makes sure to tease him the whole time.

Buck feels like he will never get used to people so openly caring about him.

He hopes it never stops.

.

4. Bobby & Athena

Bobby’s face lights up as he notices Athena coming up the stairs, and he hurries to drop the towel he has been using to dry the dishes. Buck snorts and picks it up to finish cleaning up, Bobby cooked for the team anyway, he should not have been helping out Buck in the first place.

“Hello, Buckaroo,” Athena calls when she sees him, and he beams at her in return.

“Hey.” He puts down the last plate and turns fully towards the couple. “ You’re having a good day? Cap’ made cookies so my day is going great.”

“Why do you think I’m here?” she jokes.

Bobby pretends to look hurt but the glint in his eyes betrays him, “I’m going to pretend I didn’t just hear that.”

Buck is suddenly hit by the image of Bobby, more than two years ago, breaking down as he asked for help.

To see him smiling, joking with his wife, warms Buck’s heart with more emotion than he could voice. Both Bobby and Athena have been through so much and they found one another and built themselves up, they have become each other’s pillar of strength.

He admires them so much – loves them dearly, and he is bursting with the need to say it.

I love you two like you’re my actual parents.

You’re the family I’ve searched for my whole life.

Buck swallows it all down. Maybe one day, he will find the courage to say it out loud.

“I’m not sure there’ll be any cookies left though,” Bobby says with a sorry smile. “I didn’t know you were gonna drop by. I would have kept you a few otherwise.”

“It’s fine,” Athena assures. “This wasn’t planned, I was just close-by.”

“You can have mine,” Buck blurts out. “I’ve kept a few for later but I’ve already had too much anyway.”

“Oh, Buckaroo,” she says, looking sincerely touched. “Aren’t you the sweetest?”

He blushes and ducks his head. She laughs at him, gentle, and pinches his cheek.

If, at the beginning, someone had told him that he would hold Athena in such high esteem, he would have laughed. They did have a rocky start, but he is glad that they are past that now.

She goes to get the cookies he has set asides, he expects Bobby to follow suit but he stays behind, giving him a pointed look, not saying anything at all.

“What?” Buck breaks.

“I know you haven’t had any cookies, Buck.”

It’s true. Since it was his turn to do the dishes, he kept his for afterwards. He shrugs, not knowing what to say.

“You’re a good man.”

Buck feels warm with the praise but his first reflex, as always, is to dismiss it.

“It’s just cookies,” he says.

“I’ll make another batch tomorrow,” Bobby promises, a soft proud smile on his lips.

“You don’t have to – ”

“I know.”

With that, Bobby goes to his wife, and Buck feels right at home, in his station, surrounded by his family.

.

5. Eddie & Christopher

Buck jumps at every chance he has to spend time with Eddie and Christopher. He feels bad about it at times, like he shouldn’t intrude so much.

The one time Buck tried to bring it up to Eddie, the only answer he received was a heavy stare and a promise of, “You could never intrude, Buck.”

He has to remind himself those words whenever he feels like he should leave, let the two spend a day just together. But it’s so hard, and he is to selfish.

And he loves them so much.

It’s so easy to be with them too, they welcome him into their family with opened arms, and he can’t help but feel complete with them, like this is what he has been searching for, and now that he has them in his life, he does not have to look anymore.

He loves them. And he knows they love him, but he still worries that he doesn’t mean as much to them as they do to him.

“Are you okay, Buck?” Christopher asks him and Buck jolts with the knowledge that he has been lost in his thoughts for too long.

Eddie, thankfully, is getting them ice cream and as such has not been able to notice Buck’s slight change in mood. Good, because otherwise he would drill him until Buck gave in and told him about his insecurities.

“I’m good, buddy.”

Christopher is a smart kid, and he is clearly not fooled by Buck’s answer.

“Dad says you should tell people if you’re sad.”

“I’m not sad,” Buck protests. “I’m happy. You make me happy – you and your dad.”

It’s the truth. They make him happy. He smiles at Christopher, the kid that he wishes could be his, the kid he wants to help Eddie raise.

He lets that joy spread through him, warm his body and his soul. He will take whatever he can take, and he will be happy with it.

He already is.

Christopher seems satisfied, he smiles brightly at Buck who can do nothing but to smile back just as brightly.

“What’s got you two so happy?” Eddie asks as he comes back, holding three cups of ice cream. He is smiling too at the sight of his son and his best friend so joyful.

“We just are,” Christopher says – simple as that.

Eddie’s face does something very complicated that Buck can’t follow, his emotions changing fast before settling on a tender, soft expression.

“So am I, then.”

It’s not until Christopher has wandered off a bit, not far enough that they can’t see him, that Eddie brings it up again.

“So what was that about?”

“What was what about?” Buck asks, his gaze locked on Christopher.

How much he loves that kid. Buck wants to be there for him for as long as he lives, if they will let him.

How much he wants. Going back to his flat at night, to its empty rooms and its heavy silence – he hates it. He wants to stay with them, always, he wants to wake up next to Eddie and fix Christopher his breakfast and bring him to school.

He wants. He longs.

“Buck?”

The words are right there and he has to bite his lips to keep them in.

I love you. I’m in love with you.

I love your kid like he’s my own

You’re my family.

I want this, all of it.

“He said it,” Buck says at last. “We’re just happy.”

Eddie gives him a curious look but he does not press.

“You deserve to be.”

“So do you, Eddie.”

“I am.”

Buck breaks the eye contact first, feeling himself blush. Eddie nudges him with his shoulder and they share a laugh as they watch Christopher coming back to them, going as fast as his legs will carry him.

He is happy, truly, and that’s the only thing that matters.

.

+1

It’s all of them again, something that happens both often and yet too rarely.

There’s no particular reason for it, except that they could all make it, and it’s a wonderful sunny day in Los Angeles.

And they all love each other.

Because this is a family, and that’s what families do.

He does not think he could ever get tired of the thought. They are all there, sitting outside in the sun, having finished a great meal, the kids are playing close, their laughter filling up the air.

Every person that he cares about, in the same place, at once. What else could he ever ask for?

He feels a hand on his shoulder. He blinks, getting his head back into the present.

“You’re alright, Buck?” Bobby asks.

He is. He is happy.

He wants to say it, out loud, with pride.

He does not want to fight the urge back anymore. He wants to say these words he has been carrying with him for so long.

Because he has been able to say it to other people but never to them. He owes them the truth.

“I never thought I’d have this.”

Everyone’s attention turns to him, the words blurted out too loudly not to.

“What do you mean?” Athena asks, not unkindly.

He hesitates.

“A family.”

There’s a beat of silence. Buck looks away, but now that he has opened the damn, the words can’t be stopped. They rush out his mouth with desperate precipitation.

“I mean, Maddie and I, we had a family, sort of. Our parents, they’re – well, they’re not great.” He knows he is rambling but he can’t bring himself to stop the inflow of words. “And I thought it was always just gonna be just the two of us, but now like, I look at all of you and it’s just – I know, I tell myself, these people, here, that’s my family. Our family.”

He pauses. “Is that a weird thing to say? I’ve made it weird, right?”

“No, Buck,” Hen reassures from where she’s sitting across from him. “Of course not.”

“And you’re right,” Chim continues. “This is a family.”

If Buck could see himself in a mirror, he would probably be all red, with eyes too shiny.

Some part of him, the part that has always been ready to run, to let people go before they can abandon him, wants to run away from the moment. There is too much emotion all around, too much sympathy in everyone’s gaze as they look at him.

Eddie’s hand finds his under the table and squeezes, and Buck turns to see his boyfriend giving him a loving smile.

“Yeah?” Buck asks, softly.

“Yes.”

Buck looks up, he catches Maddie’s eyes and in them, he reads the same gratitude for these people, for that new chance at a family that they have been given.

Bobby raises his glass.

“To family,” he says.

“To family,” they all echo.

Eddie’s hand in his, his family around him, this is where Buck belongs.

Life has never been so kind.

[euhande]

⟨ SIMAY BARLAS. CIS FEMALE. SHE/HER. ⟩ though the mist might prevent some from seeing it, HANDE DEMIR is actually a descendent of A R E S. it’s still a question of whether or not the TWENTY-TWO year old PRE-LAW MAJOR from ÜBERLINGEN, GERMANY has taken after their godly parent completely, but the demigod is still known to be quite AMBITIOUS & ABRASIVE. 

BACKGROUND

hande’s mother is a highly accomplished aerospace engineering graduate from one of berlin’s premiere universities, having worked for various defense companies as a missile specialist since graduating with her master’s degree. she may basically be a rocket scientist, but it’s not rocket science to figure out why ares was attracted to her 😉

they began a tumultuous, on-and-off again relationship that would last for 5 years, and it was only when hande was born that ares dropped the bomb on her mother that monsters were going to try and eat their baby, so she better buckle the fuck up and get ready to raise a demigod

that was the essentially the ending of their relationship — ares became an absent father the way most greek gods are, intermittently sending birthday cards every few years but often getting the dates wrong. she can count on one hand the amount of times she’s met him in-person outside of being a baby, while her mother has been a constant (if sometimes suffocating) presence in her life. she wouldn’t say much about hande’s father when prompted by baby hande, just that he was an asshole and didn’t deserve to meet her, which, fair

from the time she entered kindergarten, it was obvious that she was highly intelligent but had, to put it mildly, explosive behavior problems that would routinely disrupt class time. students were constantly picking fights with her for reasons beyond the teachers’ comprehension, often times materializing from thin air or being an extreme overreaction for typical kid teasing and shenanigans.

schools didn’t know what to do with her. they tried claiming she had emotional problems, they tried moving classrooms, moving schools, and nothing worked. it wasn’t until she was eleven that she was found by a satyr and encouraged into joining a demigod camp over the summer, so that she would be able to control what was undoubtedly emerging odikinesis

that same year, her mother found a higher-paying work opportunity and relocated them to a small city near the swiss border called überlingen, which is home to a prominent defense company that manufactures, you guessed it, missiles. it was a shit ton of change coming from both mortal and demigod sides at hande, and she was resentful of her mother for years for hiding such a crucial fact from her... nevertheless, she was grateful she had a chance to start fresh in a new place and was able to explore the demigod side of herself at the demigod camp in athens   

it was pretty obvious she was a child of ares, but she wasn’t claimed until she punched a boy in the teeth for harassing her and knocked out a couple of his teeth. iconic queen.

an elite german boarding school nearby was where she attended mortal school, admitted fully on her merits (the discipline record was conveniently covered up by the mist), but it’s not like she could magically wish away her powers and function as a normal mortal in school. she had a shaky control of her odikinesis up until she was a teenager, and would often provoke other people in her grade, both accidentally and on purpose. she gained a reputation among her school as one of the more... well-known residents, and while she graduated without getting into a fist fight (on school grounds, that is), she also graduated with no friends.

eonia university was the logical place for her to attend college, elite and rigorous enough to satiate her ego while still being a haven for demigods, and she’s currently majoring in pre-law with the intent to go to law school and become a lawyer!

PERSONALITY

she’s an acquired taste for sure

someone’s first impression of hande is typically negative 95% of the time, and she’s not even remotely insulted by that. she knows she’s brash, she knows she’s outspoken, she knows she can be mean, and she’s unapologetic about it because why should she have to adapt her personality to be palatable to people who are probably weaker and stupider than her??? (her thoughts not mine)

i really have to stress she’s not a dick just because she likes to be a dick to people... like she’s not gonna go to up to anyone’s muses and start bullying them in person for NO REASON.... she is an ADULT WOMAN.... but you provoke her, and there will be a reason

she’s extremely passionate about causes she believes in and sees her opinions about everything from food to weather to politics as the complete truth, so what she might see as playful banter when someone holds a different opinion actually comes across as extremely rude and bitchy to the person getting brutally attacked by her unwarranted point of view. but when she’s actually trying to argue with you, you’ll know

she’s kind of unique for a daughter of ares in that she really doesn’t engage in much physical violence since she entered college, preferring instead to start what could be considered “warfare” over the internet and academically with similarly high achieving peers. but she DOES know how to fight, she just would rather die than have another child of ares intervention by the demigod authorities ASDKSKDFSDMF

so ambitious and academically competitive. it’ll cause her to have an aneurysm at age 22 at the rate she’s going. you didn’t hear it from me but she isn’t ABOVE sabotage if someone tries stealing her #1 spot... tonya harding anyone?? hande is definitely someone who would sacrifice you to a monster or shove you into the lake if it meant she looked better in the end... so that’s something she probably needs to work on

BUT with all that being said, if you aren’t being beaten down by her insane argumentative skills, and hande actually takes a genuine liking to you, you’ll find that she’s... a pretty normal person for the most part. she’s pretty witty, fiercely loyal to the few friends she does have, super smart, and generally pretty enjoyable company. very generous with her money (loves paying for her friends’ food) and cares deeply about everything she argues so intensely about. a lot of people never give her enough of a chance to get to know her (and understandably so), but if you did you really wouldn’t find the image of a shallow bitch that’s often projected onto her

there’s this facebook meme that goes “Need to find new haters... my old ones starting to like me 😂” and that’s it that’s her entire life

if you want to know more just read her app!!

MISCELLANEOUS 

fluent in german, greek, english, and turkish (in order of how often she uses them, though greek is arguably used more than german at this point, she’d just rather die than admit it) 

she starts twitter wars and trolls people online in all 4 languages. it’s her primary pastime and she’s been permanently suspended from twitter a whopping 4 times, but every time she just re-spawns and comes back stronger. absolutely notorious for saying out of pocket shit what she thinks about any given european country and the people who live there and getting ganged up on by said people SASDSDASD her favorite people to cyberbully are british people and french people... rip 

captain of the debate team, and part of model un and mock trial. her ruthless captaincy of the debate team has caused multiple freshman interested in joining to flee in tears, but eonia routinely kicks ass in debate in tournaments across greece and europe as a whole, so it’s not all bad. she is unbelievably skilled in debate and honestly pretty friendly to the people who actually manage to stick around on the team

kicked out of the feminist club for being overtly confrontational... if your muse is in the feminist alliance, hmu for plots 

when she started attending athens’ demigod camp, it got in the way of her going to istanbul with her mother every summer to visit family. she's only started routinely going again since attending university, so most of her time is spent between istanbul and athens and hasn’t been back to germany in a hot second

i just feel like she has the type of energy to own a chihuahua and carry it around in her purse. no allowed pets at eonia but STILL.... that’s the vibe lads

her sexuality is ambiguous and she likes to keep it that way because it’s no one’s business but any and all romantic plots are open to all genders :~)

aside from her odikinesis, she’s able to put minor curses on weapons and will usually do so to make somebody else look like a fool during training

[nekoannie-chan]

Suffocation

Pairing: Brock Rumlow X Mutant! Reader

Word count: 1585 words.

Summary: How did the fact that people didn't accept mutants in the past affect you?

Warnings: Angst, lots of angst, panic attacks, PTSD, low self-esteem, past anti-mutant sentimental and actions, depression, anxiety.

A/N: “Mutie” is a derogatory way to call the mutants that some people use in The Gifted.

The sources I checked are in Spanish because I need to understand deeply all the concepts and are these: PTSD 1, PTSD 2, panic attack 1, panic attack 2

Flashbacks are in italics.

The dream is in italics and bold.

This is my entry to the @golden-ariess ‘s Lucid Dreams Writing Challenge with the prompt:

“You keep saying love isn’t real, how would you know if you haven’t given it a real chance”

Also is my entry to the @jbbarnesnnoble ‘s  Mental Health Awareness Month Writing Challenge with the dialogue prompt #4:

“You ever feel like you can’t breathe? Like the whole world is collapsing in on itself and no one notices? No one cares? Like you can’t escape it?”

And my entry to the @stareyedplanet ‘s Lin’s 100 Follower Challenge with the angst prompt # 8:

“I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong. And don’t try lying to me!”

My native language is Spanish so I wanna improve my writing skills in English if you notice any mistake please let me know and I will correct it.

I don’t give any kind of permission that my fics be posted in other platforms or languages (I translate myself my work) or the use of my graphics (my dividers are included in this), I did them exclusively for my fics, please respect my work and don't steal it. There are some people here who make dividers that anyone can use, mine is not this type, please look for the other's people. The only exception is the ones I gifted 'cuz now belong to someone else. If you find any of my works on a different platform and is not one of my accounts, please let me know. Reblogs and comments are always welcome.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Marvel's characters (unfortunately), except for the original characters and the story.

My other media where I publish: Wattpad, Ao3, ffnet.

If you like it please vote, comment, and give me feedback to improve my skills and reblog.

These days were always difficult, the memories... Despite seeking help, it seemed as if it hadn't worked, the medication wasn't a solution either, it wasn't helping you at all, but your powers were affected. You've already tried too many things, but NOTHING worked.

You saw how your other team members were happy, but it was like you felt like you didn't deserve it... or rather as if something was going to happen and it would ruin it.  

You couldn't help thinking that you could have done something else to save them... if you had never made those mistakes...  

You were out of the room when the team showed up, basically just seeing them for training and missions, other than that, you avoided them, Brock realized; it wasn't the first time you'd done it and that worried him.  

It was known that Brock was not very expressive with his feelings, like you, so everyone was surprised when they discovered that you and he had a relationship.

 You had your head hidden in your arms on the base garden table after a long workout.  

The night before you had that nightmare again, that nightmare that always seemed so real, but you knew it couldn't be real; it was simply the memories that overwhelmed your mind. It was always so real as if you were back in those moments.

"Are you too tired because of training?” Brock asked you sitting in front of you.  

You raised your head when you heard it and you just nodded.  

"You're lying," he said.  

"I beg your pardon?”  

"Whenever you lie, you're lying, nose wrinkles, and it gives you away," Brock said. 

You were perplexed, you've never noticed, you'd pay more attention the next time.  

"Have you been spying on me? “You questioned trying to change the subject of conversation.

"What? No, it's just a very noticeable thing," Brock said.  

"So what?” 

"Don't change the subject, you seem to be hiding something and the presence of others...” 

"Nobody likes mutants and it's not something new," you interrupted him.  

"Don't say those things, I do, I like you Y/N," he replied.  

"You must be joking, I don't like anyone, love is for children, it's not real; It's just a lie... 

"It's not true, if only...” 

"If only nothing, I say it because it's the truth.”

“You keep saying love isn’t real, how would you know if you haven’t given it a real chance” 

You opened your mouth without being able to say anything, your mind was trying to process what you just heard.  

"Give me a chance, I can prove you wrong," Brock continued.  

He came close enough and kissed you, you kissed him too. 

 You opened your eyes, again you were in your high school, but alone inside the classroom, you opened the door, the hallway seemed empty, you started walking, the other doors of the place were closed, you breathed deep, trying not to panic, the road took you to the gym.  

Suddenly a basketball hit your back, you turned around and you were surrounded by your classmates, who started throwing you more and more balls. 

“Get out of here mutie, we don't want you here,” 

"You're not well received.”  

"All muties do is bring troubles.”  

You were going backwards, you wanted them to shut up, you didn't see the pool behind you and when you fell into it, you tried to get out, you couldn't, the panic in you started to increase, you couldn’t breathe...

 “Y/N!” Brock called you again trying to wake you up. 

You woke up and tried to get him off his back thinking you were still dreaming while you were screaming. 

"It's me, Brock, you're safe, it was just a nightmare," he said, trying to sound calm.  

"Brock?” You asked between sobs. 

"Yes babe, it's me.”  

You hugged him and wept in his arms, he stroked your hair to comfort you.  

"Do you want to talk?” He asked.  

You shook your head, you kept your head sunk in your chest.  

"Y/N, don't you want to play monopoly with us? Natasha invited you.  

"No thanks," you declined.

"Come on Y/N," Brock tried to cheer you up. 

"No, I have... things to do.”  

You knew that if you stayed with them for a long time, something bad would happen, or worse, you thought that at any moment I was going to attack you for being a mutant.  

The team had broken into a mission, you didn't know where the others were, you went into a small room, you checked your gun, you no longer had ammunition, you locked the door if any enemy found you, and you were at a disadvantage.

You tried to open the door after a few moments, but this one didn't give way. You had become trapped, you felt that you could not breathe, you were terrified, you had tried to ask for help through the intercom, no sound came out of your mouth, you were paralyzed from fear, and you could not bear to be in dark or small places for long.  

You felt that space was shrinking, as if the walls were moving to trap you, you couldn't think clearly, no one knew you were there.

 The guy you liked took your hand, at sixteen it was too exciting. 

"Do you think we should go in?” He asked you pointing his head towards the door in front of them.  

You nodded shyly, was he going to kiss you, what was going to happen in there?  

He opened the door, turned to you and smiled at you.  

"Ladies first," he said by holding your hand to get you in.  

Once you were near the door he pushed you hard inside the place and closed on the outside.   

"This is what the muties deserve," he said from the outside.

You tried to open it, but it was stuck, you screamed, it seemed that no one was listening to you or if they did they were ignoring you and probably mocking you; you weren't sure if it was minutes or hours, the anguish was starting to grow, you were in the dark, you didn't know there was around you; somehow you managed and managed to get out with the help of your powers, outside there was no one and it was dark.  

You immediately went to your house, your parents were worried, and they didn't know where you'd been. 

"Y/N, where were you?”  

"A guy in my class locked me up...”  

Someone knocked on the door interrupting, your father peeked out.  

"You need to leave, the Sentinel Services is here," he ordered you.

Your mom got you out of the house, yet they got caught, you got to hear her screams asking you to leave.  

That day you ran like you've never done before. They had died at the Mutant Detention Center.

 Brock managed to find you, opened the door, called you several times, but it was like you didn't hear it, he came over and took your hand.  

"Baby, can you hear me?”  

There was no answer, your face reflected terror, with the other hand raised your face. 

"Y/N, come on, breathe with me, everything's fine.”  

You did what he told you. 

"Are you all right? He asked you after they got off the ship on their way back. 

"Yes," you answered and set out to enter the base. 

Brock took your arm and stopped you, he needed to know what was going on.

“I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong. And don’t try lying to me!”

"I'm fine.”  

"Y/N, you lie, I know you very well, you hide something, and you can trust me.”  

There was no escape, you knew sooner or later you had to tell him what happened.

“You ever feel like you can’t breathe? Like the whole world is collapsing in on itself and no one notices? No one cares? Like you can’t escape it?”

"No, I've never felt it," he replied a confusedly.  

"Forget it," you answered, trying to get out. 

 "Please, I love you and I want to help you.”  

"Can we go somewhere else? I don't want others to know.” 

You went to the bedroom you shared, you sat on the bed, and you took some air.  

"Since my classmates found out I was a mutant... they played jokes on me and gave me horrible nicknames; especially the girls, once they left me locked up in the dark, I had to use my powers to get out, but that meant that the Sentinel Services were for my family and me to our house, I managed to run away thanks to my mom, but they did not make it. Bad things always happen to people I love because of me...

"Is that why you're turning away from everyone?” He interrupted you.  

"I don't deserve to be happy...” 

"No, don't say that you're not to blame for anything," Brock said, stroking your face.  

"But...” 

"You know, my mother and I ran away from my father, he beat us, in the end, I think we have some things in common, but that doesn't matter, I don't even care if you're a mutant or not, all I know is that I love you, I'll help you and I'll support you with everything.”  

You smiled shyly, then you kept telling him everything that had happened over the years. He listened to you carefully while still hugging you.  

He was going to be whatever it took to make you happy.