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youremyheaven · 9 months ago

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Punarvasu & Swati: Cosmogony, Reality & Consciousness

Punarvasu and Swati are deeply intertwined nakshatras with very similar patterns and themes. Punarvasu's deity Goddess Aditi embodies infinity and vast primordial space. She is boundless and limitless. Swati's deity Vayu is the ruler of air & wind and connected to the life force or prana (or qi).

Both these nakshatras connect to space, infinity, abundance and are known for being wealth giving nakshatras.

Ruth Handler, the inventor of Barbie had Swati Sun & Mercury along with Ketu in Punarvasu

Margot Robbie who played Barbie has Swati Moon & Punarvasu Rising

I had briefly mentioned this in my Tomie post but Swati & Punarvasu's themes are manifest in Barbie because Barbie is not a person, she is a type of doll, and she can be anyone or anything. Barbie is a whole universe into herself, this is the cosmic abundance and infinitude of Swati & Punarvasu.

My Tomie post also talks about how Tomie is a Punarvasu so do check that out!!

I have always thought that Punarvasu & Swati are related to time travel which makes sense provided the cosmic infinitude embodied in these naks.

Predestination, a time- travel movie starring Ethan Hawke who is Swati Sun (do watch it, its really good))

Bruce Willis has been in several time-travel movies, including 12 Monkeys & Looper. He has Jupiter in Punarvasu atmakaraka

The 1960 movie The Time Machine stars Rod Taylor who has Ketu in Swati.

The Terminator movies starring Arnold Schwarzenegger- Punarvasu stellium (mercury, venus & rising). Arnold like many Punarvasus have been in many sci-fi movies that concern the nature of reality, in fact his own autobiography is called Total Recall (he's been in a movie of the same name and its about what is real and what isn't- peak Punarvasu behaviour I must say)

Planet of the Apes stars Charlton Heston who has Punarvasu Moon, Swati Rising

Frequency stars Dennis Quaid who has Punarvasu Moon & Ketu

The Matrix/ The Lake House/Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure are all time travel movies starring Keanu Reeves who is Punarvasu Moon.

Its interesting to me that many Punarvasus have often spoken about "creating your reality".

Octavia Butler, the writer has Punarvasu Rising (the themes of this nak is vv apparent in her work but I'll perhaps discuss that in a future post) and this^^ is a page from her journal that she wrote in the 1970s wayyy before manifestation was a "thing".

Butler grew up very poor in an era of racial segregation and suffered from dyslexia. She overcame great odds to become one of the best-selling sci-fi novelists of all time.

Miranda Kerr- Punarvasu Moon often talks about the power of our thoughts and has referenced writers like David R Hawkins (who talks about the nature of consciousness) a lot. Here's a quote from her book.

“Start each day by saying to yourself: ‘How amazing it is to be alive! What a wondrous feeling I have inside! I am awake, healthy and full of joy!’ Visualise every cell in your body being filled with vitality, health and love.”- Treasure Yourself

Miranda grew up quite lower middle class on a farm in rural Australia and then went on to become one of the best known models in the world and is now married to a billionaire.

Arnold Schwarzenegger- Punarvasu Rising (and stellium)

If you've read his autobiography or watched his Netflix documentary yk that he talks constantly about the power of the mind, having focus etc

He grew up in a small town in Austria (after WW2) with an abusive father and also suffered from dyslexia. He then went on to become one of the biggest movie stars of all time and was the Governor of California???

Ariana Grande- Mercury in Punarvasu sings about manifestation and law of attraction quite a lot. She was a side character on a Nickelodeon show and 10yrs later she's one of the biggest pop- stars.

Nikola Tesla, Punarvasu Sun & Venus

Tesla discovered automatic current transmission & generation technology which is responsible for modern day wireless connections. He's also super Punarvasu core as a person, he had eidetic memory, apparently did not sleep more than 2 hours per night, was interested in Vedic cosmology & philosophy (he used terms like akasha & prana to describe the relationship between matter & energy). I find this quote by him very interesting, "To me, the universe is simply a great machine which never came into being and never will end". I personally don't believe in the Big Bang theory and I'm inclined to believe that the universe has always existed instead of having come into existence at one point, which imo, is a very anthropocentric idea. Tesla's quote is a reflection of the boundless nature of Aditi, who is the cosmic mother, she embodies creation.

fun fact: Elon Musk who named Tesla after him is Punarvasu Mercury & Rising.

Interestingly enough, several decades before the Big Bang theory gained mainstream acceptance and was studied by scientists, Edgar Allan Poe published a lecture/essay on the matter titled Eureka: A Prose Poem in 1848 (!!!!). He had Swati Rising

Can you believe that he, a man with zero scientific background essentially came up with ideas that would serve as the basis of 20th century scientific discoveries & theories??? That too in 1848???

Analysis of Eureka's scientific content shows congruities with modern cosmology, stemming from Poe's assumption of an evolving Universe and it also contains ideas about the unity of space and time, the mathematical equality of matter and energy, the velocity of light and a rudimentary concept of relativity, black holes (including one at the centre of our Milky Way), a "pulsating" universe that renews itself eternally, and other universes in other dimensions with different laws of nature.

A writer & poet who dropped out of college came up with all that in 1848. Swatis & Punarvasus have the ability to understand complex concepts, systems, and processes intuitively. This is why they are so good at analysis, strategy and planning. They have a futuristic vision because its easy for them to see how current events will affect other things and manifest in the future. Those who don't have these placements will struggle to understand what this is like because most of us aren't endowed with this sort of ability to see the trees and the forest all at once.

Interestingly, the scientist Georges Lemaître who first proposed the "Big Bang theory" of the origin of the universe, calling it the "hypothesis of the primaeval atom", and later calling it "the beginning of the world" is a Punarvasu Sun.

Leonardo da Vinci is known for his foresight and is considered a visionary. He, in the 15th & 16th centuries, pondered upon the possibilities of human flight and left behind diagrams and models of the helicopter, the parachute, the machine gun, the humanoid robot, the revolving bridge, the ideal city and much more. He had Ketu in Punarvasu.

Carl Jung created some of the best-known psychological concepts, including synchronicity, archetypal phenomena, the collective unconscious, the psychological complex, and extraversion and introversion. He had Punarvasu Mercury & Venus and it explains why there was such a heavy emphasis on "darkness" vs "light" in his work (Punarvasu being "the return of the light").

He is the father of Analytical Psychology which seeks to "analyze the relationship between a person's individual consciousness and the deeper common structures which underlie them. Personal experiences both activate archetypes in the mind and give them meaning and substance for the individual. At the same time, archetypes covertly organize human experience and memory, their powerful effects becoming apparent only indirectly and in retrospect. Understanding the power of the collective unconscious can help an individual to navigate through life."

In fact, vedic astrology (Jung did use astrology as well btw) serves as a very interesting way to explore the collective unconscious and the many archetypes that are manifest in individuals possessing them.

I will make a post in the future comparing Freud & Jung and how their different astrological placements contributed to their similar but differing views.

George Orwell, who was a fierce critic of totalitarianism had Swati Rising, if you read his works, you can see how he's able to analyse the effects and consequences of the same, especially 1984 which was sooo ahead of its time in the sense that much of what was written in the book is eerily similar to what's going on in the world right now. The novel examines the role of truth and facts within societies and how they can be manipulated.

Swatis & Punarvasus are super Futuristic, as individuals or visionaries as well as in their art & work. They dominate in the surreal/scifi genre.

Robin Williams- Swati Rising stars as an android in Bicentennial Man which is a movie about a robot who learns how to be human. Transcending humanity is a big theme in the works of Swati natives.

On this note, I have noticed several Swati & Punarvasu natives star in movies featuring/about cloning 👀 This does not surprise me as I had already mentioned this in my Tomie post but it is fascinating how Swati & Punarvasu's ability to be many many versions of themselves is made manifest in this trope of clones.

I have to mention how both Rahu & Jupiter have a very boundless, obese energy that is hard to contain. This can be manifest negatively because its very easy for energy of this proportion to be misused and misdirected but when they're harnessed positively, these individuals are capable of envisioning change that have few/no other parallels.

Moon (2009) is a movie that features the main character and his clones. Sam Rockwell, Swati Sun plays the main character.

Tom Cruise, Punarvasu moon (acc to Claire Nakti) stars in Oblivion and plays a clone of himself. One version of him is good, his "clone" is evil. The battle between good & evil within oneself is a VERY Jupiterian trope (and I shall make a post solely about that in the near future).

Multiplicity is a 90s scifi-comedy about a guy who clones himself so that he can do all the things he wants to do. Michael Keaton who plays the protagonist has Swati Moon

The Sixth Day is a movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger (Punarvasu stellium) and it is about cloning. The title is a reference to the Abrahamic Genesis concept of how God created mankind on the sixth day.

This in itself is very interesting because Punarvasu is the 7th nakshatra and in the Bible, it is said "And on the seventh day God finished the work that he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all his work that he had done. So God blessed the seventh day and made it holy because on it God rested from all the work that he had done in creation."

7 is a number that has profound spiritual meaning and is present in many religions as a figure of significance. From this verse taken from the Book of Genesis, it is interesting to note that ""7" is the culmination of creation. It is the day on which God rested because he had already created. It is not nothingness, it is the day on which everything already existed. This is a significant Punarvasu theme.

Replicas stars Keanu Reeves (Punarvasu Moon) as a neuroscientist who tries to revive his deceased family members by cloning them.

Its interesting how in these films, natives appear either as a clone or as the ones who do the cloning, furthermore connecting it back to Punarvasu's creation trope.

Harrison Ford, Punarvasu sun & moon stars as in and as the Blade Runner (1982) where he must "pursue and terminate four replicants who stole a ship in space and have returned to Earth to find their creator."

David Cronenberg is a director best known for making really weird, surreal, futuristic movies that heavily feature themes related to the nature of reality, consciousness etc

He is a Punarvasu Moon & Jupiter

Gakuryu Ishii, Punarvasu Moon is another filmmaker who makes movies that heavily centre around truth, reality, consciousness, the future etc.

I recommend his movie Mirrored Mind which heavily deals with identity, consciousness etc (its vaguely reminiscent of Perfect Blue)

Robert de Niro Punarvasu Rising, stars in the movie Awakenings (based on a true story) as a catatonic patient who has an "awakening" before tragically going back into catatonia, Robin Williams, Swati Rising stars as the doctor who administers a drug that induces this awakening.

In Vedic philosophy, there are 3 gunas, Rajas, Tamas & Sattva.

Tamas is a state of darkness, inertia, inactivity,

Rajas is a state of energy, action, change, and movement.

Sattva is a state of harmony, balance, joy, and intelligence.

Punarvasu belongs to the Rajas guna whereas Swati belongs to Tamas guna.

Tamas can be described as a state of statis or stagnation as there is no transformation and thus no change. Punarvasu natives are prone to passivity and it is only when they face their own destructive shadow, do they emerge out of passivity to their natural state of Rajas. In this movie, Deniro's experience where he emerges from his catatonia with a desire for freedom and to live life to the fullest before eventually accepting the fact that his condition cannot be remedied inspires the Doctor played by Robin Williams to emerge out of his own shell and live life more fully.

Punarvasus are often restricted by situations beyond their control yet they are possessed by a yearning to live life to the fullest. Swatis often have unmeasured freedom and do not know how to utilize it, they are restricted by their own character.

The Gaia Hypothesis proposed by James Lovelock (1972) suggests that living organisms on the planet interact with their surrounding inorganic environment to form a synergetic and self-regulating system that created, and now maintains, the climate and biochemical conditions that make life on Earth possible.

It is a holistic view, which is generally not appreciated in science that likes to favour randomness, chance or whatever instead of the innate harmony and union behind creation.

James Lovelock has Punarvasu moon & Swati rising

Lynn Margulis who co-developed this theory with him most likely has Revati Moon and I will be exploring her symbiotic view of evolution on a different post as it goes beyond the scope of this one.

Edit: as @brundlefly333 pointed out, the French philosopher Henri Bergson (Punarvasu Moon) has a book called Creative Evolution which extrapolates that whilst "evolution of species can come from external factors "like natural selection", it most importantly (comes) from an internal impulse (a creative force). This creative force is inherently unpredictable and non-linear, leading to the emergence of novelty and complexity in living organisms over time.

I find his "Cone of Memory" (depicted above) hypothesis very fascinating.

The Cone of Memory model can be imagined as an inverted cone, with the apex representing the present moment, the base symbolizing the entirety of one’s past experiences, and the cone’s vertical axis signifying the flow of time. As the present moment progresses, the apex of the cone moves upward along the axis, continuously stretching the cone outward as it incorporates new experiences and memories into a person’s consciousness. The memories from our past experiences are layered into the cone, with the most recent memories residing closer to the apex and older memories located further down, towards the base.

Bergson’s model emphasizes the active role of individual perception, memory, and experience in shaping one’s consciousness. The human mind, as depicted by Bergson, interacts with the objective world while drawing from its accumulated memories to create individual experiences in real time. The Cone of Memory focuses on the dynamic interplay between perception, memory, and experience, hoping to account for the generation of novel understandings and interpretations of reality.

Bergson’s emphasis on experience at the personal level also has significant implications for how we understand the self. In his view, the self is not a static entity but rather a constantly developing process, shaped by the dynamic interplay of perception, memory, and experience. This more fluid conception of the self contrasts sharply with many traditional notions of a fixed, unchanging identity. It also invites us to recognize the transformative power of our own experiences and encounters in the continuous interweaving of the past and present in our temporal consciousness.

It can be summed up with this quote:

"To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly"- Henri Bergson

Rudolf Steiner- Ketu in Punarvasu, Swati rising

Steiner's breadth of work encompasses many fields, he pioneered modern-day organic farming, anthroposophical medicine (what we call alternate medicine including homeopathy, massages and frequency work etc rooted in the human body's ability to heal itself) invented the Waldorf education system (alternative schooling) and tried to merge science and spirituality.

All of this is vvv Punarvasu & Swati coded because its these natives who are frequently drawn to non-traditional systems of thought & experience and also merging a vast variety of techniques + being well versed in a lot of different fields etc comes down to having the inner space to hold all of it. This is literally not something most other people can do. Pursuit of knowledge can easily drain/deplete people but Punarvasu & Swati natives have a boundless thirst for knowledge and innately understand the profound truth that everything is connected.

Symbiosis, synergy, syncretism etc are all themes prominent in the works of Swati & Punarvasu natives who tend to view things as a coherent whole and not separate from one another; everything in creation exists to serve one another and exist in perfect harmony. Its not by "accident" that human beings took shape on earth where all the elements exist to continually support human life, every tiny detail is manifest in divine perfection and it helps us understand that we are a part of a larger system and that what we do affects changes at both the micro and macro level.

"Synergetics is the empirical study of systems in transformation, with an emphasis on whole system behaviours unpredicted by the behaviour of any components in isolation. R. Buckminster Fuller (1895–1983) named and pioneered the field. His two-volume work Synergetics: Explorations in the Geometry of Thinking."

Buckminster Fuller had Punarvasu sun & jupiter

I think I had made a post about how Punarvasu natives tend to make geometric art that features repetitive patterns and motifs. I thought Fuller's use of the term "Geometry of Thinking" was very Punarvasu of him.

Pls look him up and his work, its very interesting and if you have Punarvasu placements you might find things you resonate with. I dont want to make this post any longer so I'm not including more of his work although all of it really fits with the theme tbh.

Amartya Sen, the Indian economist and philosopher has Swati Sun, he is best known for his contributions to welfare economics, social choice theory, and development economics. His work incorporates the same holistic view of how everything exists in close interaction with everything else, interconnectedness as well as an all encompassing-ness are themes that dominate his work. Society affects the market, the market affects society, all of this affects interpersonal relationships, it takes a Swati/Punarvasu native to deeply embody this sentiment in their thought/work.

George Harrison aka the Spiritual Beatle had Swati moon, Jupiter in punarvasu amatyakaraka.

"It's being here now that's important. There's no past and there's no future. Time is a very misleading thing. All there is ever, is the now. We can gain experience from the past, but we can't relive it; and we can hope for the future, but we don't know if there is one."

This quote by him really sums it up.

Robert A Heinlein had Punarvasu sun, jupiter and rahu

Heinlein used his science fiction as a way to explore provocative social and political ideas and to speculate how progress in science and engineering might shape the future of politics, race, religion, and sex. Within the framework of his science-fiction stories, Heinlein repeatedly addressed certain social themes: the importance of individual liberty and self-reliance, the nature of sexual relationships, the obligation individuals owe to their societies, the influence of organized religion on culture and government, and the tendency of society to repress nonconformist thought. He also speculated on the influence of space travel on human cultural practices.

This is yet another example of the interconnectedness of Punarvasu as well as the analytical nature of these natives.

I will end this post here because I've been rambling for too long but I hope this was informative!! Apologies that this was kinda science heavy and not very pop culture centric :/

#vedic astro notes #astrology observations #sidereal astrology #vedic astrology #nakshatras #astrology #astro notes #astro observations #astrology notes #astroblr #Punarvasu #swati #Jupiter #rahu #carl jung #Freud

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schlong2 · 6 months ago

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latest fix rant time

none of my friends want to talk to me about monkey movies and then i remembered i have a whole blog dedicated to my latest fixations so. i've watched Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes two (TWICE ✌️) times in theaters. this was after watching the newer trilogy (Rise, Dawn & War) and the first 1968 original in prep.

things (SPOILERS!!!):

Kingdom's run time is 2 hours and 25 minutes. this is incredibly long for a movie. compared to 1968's 1 hour and 52 minutes, that's a half hour difference. Infinity War was 2 hours and 36 minutes for reference. that's a whole marvel cinematic convergence, but ape. the run time isn't exactly the issue i've seen talked about. it's the pacing. sitting twice through this movie was not a problem for me. i sat there engaged all the way through. on the second watch, i tried to be mindful of times in which it might have been dragging for the average person, and i like, literally couldn't find any. pretty much every scene had meaning and didn't drag imo. which is something these newer movies do extremely well. Kingdom is pretty equally split between verbal communication and sign language compared to the first three before it. the apes use both verbal and visual cues to talk. but because they don't talk every single time, it makes every moment that they do feel special. it reminds me of the Quiet Place concept, where most of the movie you only hear a human voice a few select times when it's safe to do so. Rise, Dawn, & War were kind of like this, as Caesar only really spoke when he was trying to make a point or communicating to humans, who are mostly speaking in those movies. he speaks more as he gets more fluent, and by War, he can speak very well. we see other apes like Koba, Maurice, Blue Eyes, and Bad Ape also speak English. these moments are rationed pretty well throughout Kingdom, making the dialog more select and meaningful. this makes every time these beasts talk feel like it means something and isn't just fluff to fill your ears. every other scene feels like it's building or showing a side of a character we hadn't seen before, and the scenes between those advance the plot or are like, really action-packed. i just don't see why some people say it has pacing problems. it's just long. i understand the average person's attention span is super short, but when you're sitting down to watch two and a half hours of movie, you gotta know there's gonna be downtime. moments where they're not fighting or advancing the plot. and i think that's GOOD man. but im also not one for action/adventures very much so maybe that's it? i think a lot of people maybe watch these apes for the violence and conflict rather than their introspection, genuinely thoughtful world building, and complex characters. and hey, that's completely fine to enjoy, but POTA is originally about morals and asking the audience questions and posing dilemmas to popular beliefs at the time. ok

Raka. he's great. Peter Macon has this butter smooth voice that's just perfect for the kind of character he plays. you can't help but like him. but he dies like 1/3 into the movie and is really only there to religion dump about Caesar (ape jesus) and then he's swept away. people are complaining that that's all he was really there for. to explain the real values of Caesar and provide a foil to Proximus. and i agree to some degree. i really hope he's not actually dead. his presence and death are felt throughout the movie, as both Mae and Noa (mostly Noa vocalizes it, Mae just silently shares in his loss and i think cries at one point?) seem to mourn him, saying shit like "if Raka were here..." and especially at the end when Noa gives the Caesar pendant to her. it's the shared memory of Raka and what he devoted his life to. but they never really like, actually linger on his death. there's a moment after he's swept away, and the shot stays on the rushing waters, Raka no longer visible and plays some sad tunes, but like. C'MON. he's not really dead. he isn't please tell me he isn't PLEASE

Noa isn't Caesar. i honestly do not get why you would want otherwise. of course, he isn't Caesar. we don't need another Caesar. he had a whole three movies to be the center of. i would be extremely disappointed if they just made a carbon copy of him or made Noa like a direct descendant of him or whatever. i hate that Chosen One bullshit. Caesar was just a guy that wanted peace for his people and that got him killed in the end. Noa is also a guy who wants peace for his clan. they're both leaders and have good hearts, but like. they're different characters. i LIKE that Noa has no relation to Caesar, i LIKE that he's his own character with his own ideals and purpose. Owen Teague does a wonderful job making the character his own. i mean Andy Serkis is Andy fucking Serkis. pretty big shoes to fill and i think Teague has the right foot size you know. i heard one guy say like "we've had our time to mourn Caesar" and yeah. we have. let's accept that and move on

WHERE MY APE DIVERSITY AT. we get a fuck ton of chimps, ONE orangutan, ONE gorilla, and ONE bonobo. what the hell. i mean. what is with the bonobo villian. Koba i fucks with because bonobos are some of the most playful, nonviolent apes out there. that humanity and its cruelty could twist a naturally peaceful creature into what Koba became.. i mean, that's great. but again with Proximus? maybe trying to evoke some of the same energy and nuance Koba had? ALSO. GORILLA PSA they are like so sweet. all that muscle is there to protect their families, and they're strictly vegetarians. i feel like Rise, Dawn, & War portrayed this better with most of the gorillas getting bodyguard jobs because of all their bulk. especially when Luca tucks that flower in Nova's ear. man. and Red going out like he did. gentle giants. in Kindgom we just have Sylva. gorilla henchman for Proximus. that's it. then we have Raka, the one orangutan character that i saw. wise and knowledgeable, guides and accompanies Noa and Mae then dies. at least we get one female chimp character that's more than just wife or mother. wikipedia lists Soona as Noa's love interest, which i can totally dig, like it's there. he takes her to the telescope at the end of Kingdom, which is more than what we saw romance-wise between Caesar and Cornelia. and the only other important chimp female is Dar, Noa's mom. in Rise, Dawn & War there was usually only one of each species of ape assigned a main role, but we saw much more diversity it felt like. maybe that's because there were smaller in numbers and have since spread out in the last 300 years? also like, bonobos are known for having female-female & male-male sex. dont know about the other apes. my friend mentioned that Raka said something about having a male companion and promptly searched reddit. all they had to say was: gaype?

the visuals. dear god the visuals. this movie is just visually stunning. absolutely breathtaking. they did a great job. i mean Rise, Dawn, & War are all triumphs of cgi and are excellent examples of the animation style done right. i did hear some guy say there is a loss of texture, as mostly everything in Kingdom is cgi, from the characters to the landscapes. but there's an explosion of texture in this film. there's one point where Noa is covered in the ash of his village and you can see it on his fur. there's quite a couple water scenes where the moisture clings to the apes' fur. It's all very impressive. great work

the references!! Rise especially has a ton of them (IT'S A MADHOUSE!!! & GET YOUR STINKIN PAWS OFF ME YOU DAMN DIRTY APE), and names like Nova and Cornelius, but Kingdom... i picked up on at least three main instances, but im sure there are more. there's the scene where the apes are rounding up the feral humans, and its very reminiscent of the scene from 1968 where they're doing the same thing for sport. there's the scene where Mae is running in the field, and she jumps on that log structure to get to Noa, which is nearly identical to a similar scene in 1968. the scene when Noa, Soona, and Anaya are exploring the human bunker and they come across an old classroom. one of them picks up a doll that says a distorted "Mama" which was huge in the original because that was evidence that once man did speak, why else would he make a doll that talked? superb call backs to the og. respect what was there before

SCHLONG THEORY

here me out guys. the starring ape-human relationship in Rise was between Caesar and Will. this type of love is called storge and describes the love a child has for a parent as well as the love a parent has for their child.

the starring ape-human relationship in Dawn was ultimately between Caesar and Malcolm. which i believe is truly philia towards the end, the love between friends and allies. just two dudes trying to keep peace in the world.

in War, i mean Caesar well and truly hates the Colonel. like more than he's hated any human in his life before. close to mania, obsession. anyways it's a study on this type of relationship between an ape and a human. true, all consuming hate.

SO in the newer movies we've explored familial love, platonic love, and hate, between an ape and a human.

in Kingdom the main ape-human relationship is between Noa and Mae. and their relationship is complex. not really that friendly and certainly not familial. no trust. some kind of begrudging respect maybe? i just think it would be neat if in further installments they explored a romantic love between a human and an ape. ok.

i KNOW Noa and Soona are probably going to get ape married and they're never going to touch on the subject but i just find it hard to believe that in the last 300 years or so that's NEVER been heard of. apes have the same level of intimacy between each other as humans do in this universe and can willingly consent. what are you so afraid of wes ball

after all, the whole franchise is about how apes, when given intelligence, compare to humans and begs the question: how different are we really?

is it possible for an ape and a human to fall in love?

#WILL talk about sentient apes for hours #straight off the noggin #kingdom of the planet of the apes #he was an ape #she was a girl #can i make it any more obvious #schlong rants

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kimberly-spirits13 · 1 year ago

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Imagine You’re in School with Jason (AP Lit Style)

You’ve been basic friends for a while

Just the type that can have a good laugh but don’t know everything about each other

He’s probably not the first person you’d go to if you’re upset about something but he’s still considered a friend

That is until you start having all your classes together

I’d imagine that if you’re like me, your both taking the most AP classes that you like

AP Lit is the favorite

He loves Anna Karenina because it’s like a TLC show for the Victorian Russians

Jason is a stationary guy, so in class he’s got washi tape to mark chapter sets, non bleed highlighters, microns, little post its, see through post-its, book marks, nice mechanical pencils and refills, and it’s all in a brown leather pencil case

He likes Socratic seminars because he likes to talk about the books

He likes essays but always have to have a page limit given to him because he will write a full book about his thoughts on the book

In class, he’s always asking you what you think about something and he likes that you two can keep up with each other

I don’t think he’s the boy to be hyper concerned with grades, but because he understands his lessons, he naturally makes pretty good grades

You’re assigned a group project where you and Jason decide to partner up to do a poster of Anna Karenina

When you come over to his house for the English project, he has all the supplies and he suddenly realizes that he’s a bit embarrassed about it

“So Alfred (me) may have gone a bit overboard but we can do something simple if you’d like- or idk make it nice”

Please help this man decorate this stupid poster board

Alfred makes your favorite type of drink or gets it, makes food, you two put on a movie or some music, and get to work

“So what do you think is important about Karenin and Vronsky having the same first names?”

“I think it’s important for theme that Anna was introduced with a train and died by train”

“Betsy is a bitch”

He loves to talk about it with you

Once you’re done with the project, he asks you to come over and do homework together

If you’re a vigilante, you’ll do patrol after because you two connect the dots quickly

If you’re normal, suddenly Jason has to run off and says Alfred will take you home but we’ll talk about that another day

For time purposes, we’ll say that you quickly find out about his patrol life

I mean dude comes bruised, he gets called to the basement a lot, he’s a true crime buff, sometimes he goes missing for hours, and it’s Gotham like come on everyone might as well be a vigilante or smt

Dick teases Jason about you two, especially when you’re over

You can’t help that you get cold watching the 6 hour long Pride and Prejudice movie and Jason is right there like come on Dick

Jason is lokey blushing soooo hard if you cuddle up next to him or even if you’re on the same couch

You two start to become inseparable at school

Not in a pda way but like a “I mean we might as well just hang out all the time” kind of way

Automatically becomes your date to any sort of school function

Even if it’s an unspoken thing that you two will be each other’s date, he still gets you flowers and asks you to go with him

Dick eventually pushes him to ask you out because “for real dude we all know you’re crushing”

Jason is a tall dude, towers over everyone, bulked up, dark hair, dark blue eyes, he’s gorgeous and everyone else are the ones intimidated by him

But when he asks you out he is so nervous

I mean the logical part of him is pretty sure that you’ll like him back, but the irrational part is terrified that he is about to mess up your friendship

He asks you at the end of the school day on a Friday incase you say no, there’s a weekend to get over it and he won’t ruin both of y’all’s days by asking during first period or something

When you say yes he’s like “😱” and a part of him is reborn or smt dramatic like that

He basically speeds home and endures the lecture from Alfred on reckless driving

He’s even more excited that you asked if he wanted to go to the park or the bookstore

And he’s like YESSSSSSSSSSS

You two have enormous text message conversations and he likes to FaceTime

Please I think he’s a hot chocolate junkie

He’s got all sorts of mugs ranging from regular white ones to fandom ones

Sweat pants king and he’ll give you any sweat set you want

Or oversized t shirts

He thinks pda at school it gross (it is) so he keeps it on the down low but he’ll definitely hug you or run his fingers through your hair if one of you needs it

He likes playing with your hair because it’s soothing

Please watch documentaries and period dramas with him

Or book to screen adaptations that are good

#dc x reader #dc comics #dc characters #batfam x reader #batboys x reader #batfam #jason todd x you #jason todd imagine #jason todd #jason todd x reader #jason todd x y/n #red hood x gender neutral reader #red hood x y/n #red hood x reader #red hood x you #red hood imagine

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cursedvida · 6 months ago

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I genuinely don’t get the reaction towards noamae. Do people think we’re out here shipping real human beings with real monkeys in real life?!

Is it so shocking to believe that a talking, genetically-altered ape who rides horses and tames eagles, who possesses rational thought and repairs wepaons could be potentially capable of developing complicated feelings for a girl from an underground bunker who lives in a post-apocalyptic world with other people escaping a virus that devolves them and was on a mission to get a chip to communicate with other people in space using 300 year old satellites and who managed to complete her mission with the help of said ape???

Have these people consumed fiction before?? Make believe worlds??? Unlikely pairings??? Fantastical ideas??? Whimsical illusions??!?

And then they call them animals…umm, isn’t the whole premise of the films about them not being just animals??? Isnt it a reality set WITHIN the universe of the films that they’re not just animals???

I’m lost 😵‍💫

As I said before, I don't care if people like the same things as me or not, or if they share my perspective on things. If they have an issue with those of us who see chemistry between the TWO FICTIONAL MAIN CHARACTERS of a movie, who are rational, thinking beings perfectly aware of their actions and with full decision-making capacity, then the problem is not mine, it's theirs. Basically because I'm not out there hating on people, I don't have that much free time lol

Anyway, it doesn't matter. I believe there's palpable chemistry, you can see it as romantic or platonic, but denying the obvious seems absurd to me, especially when it's confirmed that it's not just Noa's story, but the story of both, and that the initial idea has always been for their relationship (of whatever kind) to become one of the main axes of the new saga.

However, most of the people I've seen hating (and I mean hate, not just not liking the ship, which is totally legitimate) in the end are basically Mae haters, and their arguments, to me, have a background that rings too much of internalized misogyny for me to take them very seriously, but ok.

#kingdom of the planet of the apes #planet of the apes #kotpota mae #kotpota noa #mae x noa #nomae #mae #noa #shipping

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sialater18 · 6 months ago

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Just watched Kingdom of the Planet of the apes in IMAX and wow, I LOVED ITTTTT

Highlights for me (spoilers below):

Story bits;

The intro with Caesar’s funeral, just straight to the real sobering stuff. Almost like the movie is saying “Caesar is gone. Now witness what life is like after him and what others do in his name”

The Eagles, they’re just dope animals

When Noa, Anaya, and Soona are out hunting for eggs they make note of not emptying the nest. It’s likely tradition at that point in their village but I like how even though the “bonding” is obviously a significant point in their lives, they don’t let it override what they know is right. Hence why Noa climbs a higher point for another nest.

The sequence of Noa and his dad trying to work together to fight off the Gorilla even though the Gorilla is way out of their league. They both tried hard but were beaten, not just physically but in terms of knowledge. Noa at some point climbs onto a support beam but it’s made of metal and the Gorilla electrocutes the beam he’s on which causes him to fall

The fact that Raka (and Caesar’s more devout followers) call humans they see “Nova” . Little Nova from War of the Planet of the Apes was not completely forgotten in a way :’)

Mae. Especially in the moment in the observatory where she looks through the telescope and gets emotional (which is the first sign that leads Noa to believing she’s more than what she seems). I know some people don’t/won’t like her but I can understand her. She’s in a rough place trying to do what she thinks is good. I believe in her last talk with Noa, on the topic of humans she said something like “It was ours (the planet I think) first!” just instinctually, and when Noa asks about the possibility of apes and humans living side by side again, she says I don’t know.

Proximus’s clan killed the entire group of humans she was with and she only barely managed to escape. And the only indication that he regrets what happened is because he didn’t realize they were “special” humans. He’s regretful of the choice because he was not aware of their possible use to him and his goals. So yeah Mae, doesn’t know, hence why she was at first holding the revolver in her hand when she last spoke to Noa. She initiated them talking, after everything they’ve been through she wanted to say a proper goodbye to him but still held the revolver in case something happened. I honestly want to see more of her

Proximus himself. Whoo I needed more if him, he was such a large joyful figure when we see him, getting his clan all hyped hope and being outwardly positive to them in face of a public failure. The fact that he likes being read Roman history, he probably learned of his namesake. I like his acknowledgment of the “proper” definition of evolution. He knows he won’t reach it since evolution takes a long time & he knows of his own mortality. So he instead wants to evolve in a different way with tools he believe is for him and his people.

He has two humans in his kingdom. He welcomed them both, but he’s not likely to trust them as far as he can throw them. He’s focused on the future apes evolving, hence why he keeps bringing apes into one place for his “Kingdom”. The future he pictures is not one of peace as long as humans are still around. So why not get the numbers of Apes up in the meantime? Even when one of his men is shot, he prioritizes not his dead clan member, but a new existence firearm weapons that can be of use to him

Noa’s first “shit” he learned from Mae and then repeating it later when they almost fall to their deaths and Mae just nodding in approval like “yeah that was the right time to use that word” loll

Mae using her first round with the tiny revolver she had against the ape who had a knife to Soona. I’m betting she planned the opposite of letting the apes know a more advanced form of weaponry exist right there in then in the silo. But her want to not see Soona come to harm (partially because of her) won out against whatever logic she was going with

The Flooding sequence in the silo I couldn’t bring my eyes away from. The one thing about this movie was the tension, maybe I’m just a wimp but I was exceedingly tense for the characters. Even when Proximus was simply speaking at the dinner table he had me tense

The fact that Noa & Mae didn’t have a happy little bow on their relationship by the end of it. I wanted them to be attached to each other or just trust each other but life doesn’t work like that often

The entire last 3 minutes or so the film was just particularly astounding to me, and I’m not sure why. Maybe it was the music (the score for the film is stellar) and the editing but something was just so right about it. Seeing the joy at humans contacting other people. The juxtaposition between Noa & Mae moving on to the next stages of their lives.

Technical stuff:

The sound design was magnificent

The cinematography was beautiful, really interesting shots throughout the film

The vfx was hella impressive

The music score was great and added a lot to the movie

All in all, all I’ve got left to say as Proximus would put it, WHAT A WONDERFUL DAY!!

#gahhh I wanna watch it again #kingdom of the planet of the apes spoilers #planet of the ape spoilers #kotpota spoilers #kotpota #kingdom of the planet of the apes

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stoopid-turtle · 1 year ago

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the art of being a skeptical turtle

So this is a personal post more about my experience as a turtle. If you just want to get to the fun list of candies I totally buy into regardless of evidence, just skip down to where the asterisks are. (Consider this like a recipe attached to a blog post)

For those interested in the whole nerdery going on here, let me share that I had a lot of trouble coming to terms with bjyxszd. I wrote a whole series of posts about it to get my thoughts in order. Now I'm fully on the turtle train, but I find myself skeptical of some candies.

This is gonna get super-nerdy so hold on to your butts.

I'm a generally skeptical person. I come by it honestly. My parents literally subscribed to Skeptical Inquirer and Skeptics magazines. They (well, my dad mainly) were capital-S Skeptics. My family talked about logical fallacies, perceptual oddness, and the fallibility of memory over the dinner table.

Please don't back away. I know self-identified Skeptics are typically insufferable. I didn't know this as a kiddo, though, so the whole "thinking about things skeptically" became just my default way of processing stuff. Nowadays, I wouldn't call myself a Skeptic in the way that some in a particularly obnoxious subculture do. But I do tend to be a skeptical sort. I just don't...you know...think it makes me smarter/better/cooler than other folks.

(Actually, it makes me way less cool bc I can single-handedly ruin a fun party by expressing skepticism about something. Nobody likes a wet blanket. I know this)

My bestie in high school always called me Scully to his Mulder. He would believe anything he saw or read, whereas I didn't. Usually, I was right. Like when he totally thought that the Blair Witch Project was real found footage (It's not. Nobody thinks it is now, I know, but it was part of the promo at the time). On occasion, he was right. Like when he told me that some gray clouds we had overheard were from wildfires in Mexico. I scoffed bc, really, we weren't that close to Mexico. But he was right and I learned a valuable lesson on large-scale weather phenomenon. (He's still wrong about there being a picture of a light bulb in the pyramids though)

So, yeah, that's just how I process things. It's second-nature for me. But I reached a point with my generally skeptical outlook where I considered 2 things to see whether I really cared if people were buying into something I thought was false.

The stakes. If a person believes X, what does that lead to? If I don't believe Y, even though it's true, what does that lead to?

There's a whole bunch of political stuff that heightens the stakes. To take a ridiculous (and outdated one), when I was growing up, there was a common story that AIDS hopped from apes to humans because a gay man had sex with an ape and then had sex with other humans. Thus, the AIDS epidemic.

The stakes of other people buying into that homophobic nonsense were (and are) life and death. (If you believe that...uh...bye?) It's something that's worth me being the obnoxious Scully if I hear someone buying into it.

The stakes of, say, my high school bestie believing that The Blair Witch Project was real found footage was...nothing. It just made him want to see the movie more. Nobody was hurt. It didn't matter.

I argued with him at the time, but I probably wouldn't anymore.

The stakes for believing that bjyxszd, here in international fandom, are perhaps higher than the Blair Witch thing. But only barely. If somebody believes in a particular rumor/candy that I don't think is real, it affects literally nothing. We're both still turtles. We have a lot more in common than we do difference with regards to YiZhan. Likewise, the effect of me not believing a candy that may be true is nil. Gg and dd are not impacted in any way.

(I think things may be different for c-fans, but that's not at all a thing I'm qualified to delve into. I can only account for myself in my context)

2. The other thing I consider is the context. That is, how likely are we to know the actual truth?

Scientific claims have a method to test them (and claims that can't be tested are just...not something science addresses). Claims about current events can be researched using journalism methods or whatever. For that homophobic AIDS story, there's ways to prove that it's not true. For the Blair Witch thing...well, the actors went on the talk show circuit for promo so, you know, the real footage myth was quickly lifted.

Celebrities exist in a different context. Like most people, they have a private life that is not accessible to people on the outside. If they choose to open up about that life, then cool. But if they don't or can't do so (like is the case with YiZhan), then they'll try to keep their private life out of sight of fans.

It really hit home to me when I was doing the bts thing how little of dd and gg we saw in the Untamed bts. We see even less of them now. I'm at peace with the fact that I just will never know much about these guys (I wrote a whole post about it). But the fact that there's a big mass of the unknown means that the possibilities are endless. We don't know and we'll never know.

So I don't have any more authority on anything gg or dd related than anybody else does. So why would I attempt to question or dismiss candies that other people find compelling? At the end of the day, there is a truth, but it's not accessible to us, so anything we come up with is just extrapolation.

Which is fine. It's fun. I think there's real stuff going on. (If I didn't, I wouldn't be here) But it means there's no real point arguing about the specific candies.

(and to be clear, I don't see turtles doing this, really. so this is all just me reiterating my own approach to things bc I'm a person who processes thoughts through long tumblr posts apparently) (and it's not a reaction to any particular candy. this post has been in my drafts for ages)

I think I'm a hard sell on a lot of candies, and I'm definitely the fuddy-duddy who just squints and asks a bunch of obnoxious questions about things.

But I ask those questions of myself and don't feel the need to annoy other turtles with them because, honestly, we're all in this boat together. Some candies appeal to particular turtles more than others, and I think we all kinda have our personal preferences for which ones resonate with us. I'm not here to rain on anybody's parade, especially as we all have way more in common just bc we all believe in bjyxszd.

This is all a long-winded way to explain how I think about candies, honestly. Or more, how I assess candies that are new-to-me and figure out whether to buy into it or not. With anything involving bjyx, I also leave a lot of room for there just being an unknown and unknowable. Again, the stakes are low, and if I'm wrong about any particular candy (in either direction), then...oh well? It affects literally nothing.

************************************************************************************************************************************************

So here's the fun part! The list of candies that I fully admit don't have a whole lot going for them (by my stupidly exacting standards) but that I totally buy into just because I like them.

Basically all lip-readings, but especially this one

(if you don't want to click thru, this is the moment from the Nanjing farewell concert where dd and gg seem to flirt about photos while on-stage)

Okay, I know, rationally, that lip-readings are always gonna be shaky. I mean, I've seen Medieval Land Fun-Time World. If I'm honest with myself, I know that the lip-readings are basically fluffy candy.

But whatever. I choose to believe them. This moment, especially, I adore (and it does come with dd posting a bare-faced photo after!). I think their big grins while openly flirting with each other on stage just jazzes me enough to pretend.

It's all true. I totally believe it.

Related to this is:

2. Any and all CPN about dd and/or gg seeing turtle signs and smiling or otherwise reacting positively.

I've seen such CSI-worthy analysis of sight-lines to try to establish with precision where dd or gg is looking at the moment they smile/look happy. I have no idea how much any of it holds up, and it's not worth the bother to try to confirm any of it.

But whatever. I like it. I believe it. I'll probably believe it everytime it happens.

3. Advanced Bombology.

So there's some things that aren't in dispute here. We definitely know that gg suddenly cut an Olay commercial ad from a 2 day shoot to a 1 day shoot, and it's a reasonable assumption that he did so to be at the DDU anniversary episode with GG.

The rest is a little fuzzy. The video details dd being kinda grouchy in interviews before the DDU shoot, and it also shares an anon rumor from a person who claimed to overhear dd in a studio restroom arguing on the phone with gg. This rumor came out a year after the event.

The rest of the video is some interpretation of the boys' behavior/mood in the DDU anniversary ep.

So, like, I get that anon rumors a year on maybe aren't the most solid evidence for anything. But whatever, I buy it.

And the interpretation of the boys' mood seems true to me, especially the moment where the interviewer asks gg if they'd discussed his visit ahead of time. Gg def does a sweatdrop, panic pause, look at dd moment and waits for dd's lead to answer. I find a lot of mood interpretation from videos a bit much, but this feels real.

In fact, the whole thing just feels real. Maybe that's why it's easy for me to buy. It feels like a real argument a couple would have.

4. The 5/22 fight during CQL shooting.

I talked about this back when I was doing the bts in order.

In tl;dr, dd gives gg a bit of a brush-off response to something. gg responds by cold shouldering him and then doing some passive aggressive sniping about how dd doesn't want gg to care about him. dd gets upset, then he apologizes, then they go on to watch something on one of their phones.

The basis of this one is some gossip plus a video shot from a distance that requires reading lips. So we know that's already fuzzy, and I know I approached this with some skepticism in my earlier post. That was just to be rational about things so as to be honest with myself.

In truth, I buy it. I buy the argument. I buy the lip-reading. Again, it feels real.

5. GG's card to turtles

This is one of those frustrating ones I'm having trouble refinding. Darn.

The upshot, and I'm going from memory, is that there's a CPN about a card written to turtles ostensibly from gg. This came with some handwriting comparison to try to match the signature to gg's known signature.

This isn't something I'd place bets on, because...seriously, it's so fuzzy.

But in my heart, I believe it for no reason other than that I want to.

6. DD as gg's mystery driver

Okay, there's a couple such incidents. One quite recently. Where gg's driver is mysteriously masked such that you can't see their face.

And, truth, it could be literally anybody under there. But for me, it's dd. No need to give me painstaking comparisons of hands or whatever. I'm fully in on this one.

7. The bone necklace.

Ack, don't hate me for this one!

When I was doing my posts about stuff that had convinced me that gg and dd were still together, I stumbled with the bone necklace. To me, it's the main thing that convinces me, but if I'm honest, it really is kinda a leap of faith thing.

With the ox-head necklace, we have the fancam footage to back it up as being from gg. All we have for the bone necklace is the timing and the precedent of dd having already worn a necklace from gg. That's shaky, really.

In fact, I think I saw some other dd CP claiming the bone necklace as theirs (I saw them also claiming the Leica camera). I think they're wrong, but I don't have any solid proof to say so.

I think the most I can say is that there are much harder evidences that gg and dd are still together. But these typically involve massive privacy violations so I'm not eager to spread them around (I kinda hate that I stumble upon them, tbh). But in any case, it has me convinced, so if I already know gg and dd are a couple, then of course the bone necklace is related.

But on its own, the bone necklace is a leap.

Okay, that all said, since I (finally) had a photo of dd last time I posted, I'm dropping a random gg photo here. Not my favorite, cause pls don't make me choose, but one that hangs out my head throughout the days.

#bjyx #yizhan #considerations of being a turtle #it starts nerdy and then turns into a listicle #no judgment for just skipping to the candies #gratuitous gg photo #they srsly just wrapped him in cables and then that happened #what is his waist yall #and why's there a car driving up his lapel?#still sexy

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mulders-too-large-shirt · 4 months ago

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s3 episode 12 thoughts

ha! a post at a different time than usual! you didn’t see this coming, did you? well i like to keep you guessing

do you hate bugs? if so, this may not be the episode for you!

(based on the poll i have running, i’m going to try putting a “read more” thingy on this post. please let me know if this enhances your experience. what a cruel thing to only think of 3 seasons in…)

disclaimer on the formatting of this blog aside, let us jump in, straight from the moments right before i clicked the play button.

okay, so last episode will be a hard act to follow, given that it was my new favorite episode. BUT i think i’ve seen that this episode is a fan favorite?? i think?? so we shall see…

trying to go in with no expectations at all. not even one. just let the story take me where it goes.

but i thought i did see something about this episode referring to a mulder ex?? not sure i can deal with that again at this point in my life. not after phoebe. still haunted by that arthur conan doyle thing.

it's bug time in massachusetts. learn some bug facts with this kindly looking fellow.

i love academics who are really into things like bugs. i love when they love funny creatures. WAIT HE STEPPED ON IT!! that was cruel??? maybe he is not a kindly fellow after all…

okay, i THOUGHT this dude was teaching a class on science, but he’s an exterminator... LMAOOOOOO they got me with that gag

so he’s putting down a new pesticide to kill the cockroaches. always risky business, those pesticides.

he sprayed the bug with the stuff and then stomped on it and it seems like he started choking?? is he messing with some dangerous poison here??? pesticides scare me….

the bugs are pouring out of surfaces and onto him and it is making my skin craaaaawl!!!

oh, a cricket now graces our screen! a pleasant creature. on mulder’s windshield? he went up to massachusetts for the weekend! but not for family reasons. for alien reasons.

scully is cleaning her gun and talking to him on the phone while he looks up at the sky. it’s quite charming <3

“look scully, i know it’s not your inclination, but did you ever look up into the night sky and feel certain that not only was something up there, but it was looking down on you at the exact same moment, and was just as curious about you as you are about it?” <- ohhhh he’s waxing poetic. ohhh what does the massachusetts bring out in this man?

scully is going on about how she thinks the real fascinating truth is that life exists here on this planet at all, and uses the word “anti-darwinian”… and he asks what she is wearing??? she laughs at this

(i actually really liked her little monologue here and would copy it down, but i want to see what happens next)

he references planet of the apes and they both understand it, which means they have both seen a movie that i have not. sad!

a bright light shines on him and he says he has to go, so he hangs up. way to freak her out!

it’s a cop. he asks what mulder is doing. “just sitting, thinking” LMAOOOO they hate to see a man who ponders

the cop asks for his ID after implying he is on drugs, and then is gagged when he pulls out his FBI badge. and then all of a sudden he’s a “sir”... okay. only getting respect AFTER the occupation reveal. not the most morally outstanding thing...

the cop asks why he has his windshield wipers on and he’s like oh, just knocking a bug off, and the officer reaches for his gun??? and asks if the bugs he is referring to were cockroaches. he’s like… maybe? or maybe a beetle?? “i’m not really good with bugs” LMAOOO

then the cop leaves when he says there is a roach attack. oh?

scully is trying to just enjoy a meal and some tv when he calls and says that she needs to get up here because “it appears that cockroaches are mortally attacking people”, to which she replies “i’m not going to ask you if you just said what i think you just said, because i know it’s what you just said”, which would also be my response to this information!

(she has flowers on her glass of water. it’s quite pretty)

anyway. bodies with roaches. (nicki voice) ROACHESSSS!

oh, they’re very scientific up there in this town, all the people who were victims/witnesses were expert scientists... hmm. any roach scientists?

the guy whose house was being exterminated says he sees cockroaches when he closes his eyes, and he can’t sleep!! that is very concerning.

scully says it might be an allergic reaction to roaches that killed this dude, and this seems to please mulder as an answer, or at least bide him enough time to let her stay the night at her place. and when the cop asks who was on the phone, he says “my drug dealer” <- hahahaha get his ass

in this next scene, i at first thought people were doing some science, but it seems these are teenagers that are doing drugs. and whatever it is has a cockroach crawling in it?

OHHHH OHHHH NO. A COCKROACH JUST CRAWLED INTO AN OPEN WOUND ON THIS KID'S HAND. OHHHH IS THIS GONNA BE A BODY HORROR EPISODE??? BLECKKK this was not what i was expecting after many jokes!!

he’s scratching and scratching and i literally cannot look. i heard him yell “get them out of me” but i am already light headed and we shall leave it at this.

cut to scully cam. her dog is getting a bath!!! with anti-flea shampoo….. does the creature have bugs or is she just being very cautious? not sure if more bugs would be an auspicious sign. good to see the dog again, i’ve missed him. what a cute little fellow. he whines.

of course her phone rings when she is covered in soap!!

mulder says she better get up there. the kid is dead. and there were very much drugs at the scene, but mystery drugs.

she says that sometimes people who are high can imagine bugs in their skin- it’s called ekbom’s syndrome. again, love when she knows this stuff. and he says that she is probably right, and she doesn’t really have to come up. “sorry to bother you”, he says, and she says “it’s no bother” into the phone with a smile.

but the dog!!! he has run away!!! still covered in soap!! naughty little fellow.

back a the scene of the crime. a roach has been caught. mulder somehow squished it. but the exoskeleton was made of metal?? OH! his hand is bleeding!!!

GET HIS HANDS CLEAN NOW!!!

is this some sort of future cockroach that has developed advanced resistance to eradication efforts?? like the darwinian stuff scully was talking about earlier???

he is still bleeding. at the doctor. and the doctor wants to know what the hell is going on. mulder doesn’t know. and the sheriff asks the same thing!!! many are wondering.

doctor goes to the bathroom and a roach approaches. NO NO NO I SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING AND I HATE IT NOOOO.

“i see the correlation, but just because i work for the federal government doesn’t mean i’m an expert on cockroaches” mulder!!!! what a way to speak of your coworkers! hahaha

oh!! someone has been doing experiments in the town!! this dude says killer bees were an accident, and maybe these cockroaches are something similar- is that true about the bees??? need to fact check. OH MY GOSH IT IS??? what the hell. what a scary world we live in.

so the doctor is dead. he was covered in cockroaches when he was found dead, but now they are gone? except for one on the sink. that one falls down the drain.

back to scully cam. she’s reading truman capote’s breakfast at tiffany’s!!! she picks up the phone with “who died now?” LMAOOO

she says it was probably a brain aneurysm that killed the doctor, and it looks like it was. cutscene to him jumping into the secret area.

scully at home, looking up cockroaches on a… laptop? with her glasses on <3 and eating ice cream right out of the carton. honestly queen shit!!! her hypothesis: new cockroach species…?

“mulder, you’re not thinking about trespassing onto government property again, are you?” she asks, while he is at the door LMAOOOO

“i know that you’ve done it in the past” <- yeah, he is a repeat offender. her tone here was so funny, too. trying to gently talk him out of it.

“it’s too late, i’m already inside” HAHAHA

(deep resigned scully sigh) “well, what’s going on? what do you see?” this exchange says so much about them <3 if he's gonna get his ass in trouble, he at least better describe to her in great detail what is going on

he is giving her a full walk through of this place, which looks like a normal house except the moving walls. until the roaches burst through.

and someone turns a light on! he says he has to go. see, that is exactly when i would want someone to be on the phone with me, when a mysterious entrance is made.

so we see dr. berenbaum. i guess she was at home alone, but damn, they are really trying to show off her chest.

“what’s a woman like you doing in a place like this?” he asks. gag (and not in the slay kinda way, in the "please stop mulder, you're making me cringe" kinda way)

OHHH scully is still staring at the phone… is she contemplating or did he forget to hang up?? does she have to listen to all of this? another case of her being god's strongest soldier if she has to hear this.

and in the next scene, dr. berenbaum has buttoned her flannel. it is differently buttoned in the next cut.

WAIT. she’s talking about UFOs. she thinks they are really insect swarms. this seems like a trap to lure mulder into some trouble, by getting him distracted...

she’s saying something about loving insects. so now we get a REAL academic who loves bugs!

LMAOOOO the phone rings and he answers it only to say “not now”, ohhh he wants her bad. he says that he finds insects to be very interesting. LMAOOOOOO an absolute LIAR!! just after she said she loves bugs for being honest. mulder is not immune to lying to women to make them like him. a cardinal sin! just be yourself, man!

at a motel room, a cockroach is approaching another guy’s feet. and he’s scratching at himself and i see where it’s going and i’m NOT LOOKING. i can’t bear it.

mulder waking up. in. a bed? did they hookup??? oh i don't need to imagine that.

no, seems he is by himself, in the motel. which is good. i don't need that kind of energy in my life.

he opens his eyes and immediately calls scully. who was sleeping with the phone on her pillow to be there if he called again. AWWWW. she is so thoughtful.

she does not seem to be enjoying that the scientist is a woman, and also that her name is bambi, which like. okay, i get that. bambi is kinda wild as a name, lmaooo. she cannot believe it. no offense to any bambis reading this, you are deeply valued. he's babbling about bambi and bugs and her parents were both naturalists, and dude, shut upppp

“scully, can i confess something to you?” he asks

(scully is visibly cringing, with pain in her voice) “yeah sure, okay!” <- LMAOOOO she was prepared for the worst!!! but ready to try and be supportive no matter what!! that is friendship! this moment was sosososososo cute. she was bracing herself for the worst but still trying to be kind. she did NOT wanna hear about his antics with this bambi!! and i do not blame her!!!

he says “i hate insects”, and she tries to comfort him saying lots of people are afraid of them!!! because that is a good friend who sleeps next to the phone waiting for your call, even after you mysteriously hang up on her!!!

! MULDER LORE REVEAL ! he was terrified of a praying mantis as a child. they look like aliens. he was repulsed by the mysteries of the natural world. we can unpack that at another time.

he says that it “wasn’t a girly scream” that he let out as a child, and she asks if he was sure LMAOOOOO

she’s so funny i SWEAR. they need to call more late at night/very early in the morning just to make fun of each other but also do their very best to support each other.

but! a loud screaming in the distance. he hangs up the phone again and she rolls her eyes.

discovery: that the dude seen in the hotel earlier was covered in cockroaches. also, he is dead.

mulder at the scene with his JEANS ON, NO SHIRT, BELT UNBUCKLED????

wait. we need to unpack this. was he SLEEPING in jeans??????? holy fuck... we need to lock this man UP, that is CRAZY!

anyway, the cockroaches that were just on that guy's body are gone. so they just disappeared somehow. not as crazy as a man sleeping in jeans, but it is up there.

she’s getting her stuff to come up there now. and i like that we get to see into her place, her little kitty on the desk, her two giant bookshelves. maybe i tried to pause and read what was on there, any maybe i had no luck!

also, now she’s on the phone with him explaining the mysterious death, and he’s clothed. he must have saw the dead body and realized he had time to change.

mulder seems to think that this dude had a heart attack. and all of scully’s theories have seemed correct. but that doesn’t explain the metal exoskeletons, which he had NOT mentioned before, and leaves her gagged.

“mulder, i’m coming up there” “whatever”, he says, as he sneaks onto the ground, to catch a roach!!! petulant child of a man.

cut to bambi, analyzing the cockroaches. with mulder pressed veeeeery close to her face. and the cockroach is… hung? but they are actually robots??? so this robot cockroach has that as a design. interesting.

turns out, a guy who makes bug robots lives in town. so mulder is off to visit. and we see a little one walk by!!! about the size of a roomba or small dog. mulder seems enchanted by it, following it in. it's a very cute little guy. i politely request 10 of them.

dr. ivanov is the fellow behind all this. they’re trying to make AI robots by making them bugs. interesting strategy. if only AI was used to make cute little dog-sized robot bugs in our age...

the robots are following mulder about. dr. ivanov says the bug robot likes him!!! aww

the goal of this research is that they want to send the bugs to space!!!! to explore alien civilizations! and that if aliens visit our planet, they will also be robots. if you think otherwise, you have been brainwashed by sci-fi. scalding hot takes coming from dr. ivanov here.

interesting to see two separate takes on what aliens/UFOs actually are in this episode from someone other than mulder.

these roomba or small dog sized bug robots are soooo cute, not at all like those real looking cockroaches.

ugh! i just realized they probably had to get a TON of roaches on set to film all this. and they were probably crawling about…. euGhHhh

he asks dr. ivanov to identify the bug legs. and dr. ivanov looks terrified. he says it is beyond his comprehension...??

and then a cockroach walks across the screen? it looks like it’s walking right on the camera. i had to replay to see if it was supposed to be walking along their faces, but no, it’s completely flat, right on you, the viewer’s screen, which i’m sure made a lot of people jump!!!

the grocery store is being looted for all things, even chocolate and pantyhose. someone crashes a car, and someone else slams into scully, who looks IMMENSELY displeased.

scully just wants a damn map, but one person is saying that roaches are eating people whole, then another person says they’re spreading ebola. the misinformation panic can produce!

she starts yelling in the convenience store, and people mostly calm down. queen of controlling the situation. until someone knocks over some candy that sort of kind of looks like roaches if you squint and the stampede resumes.

LMAO SHE TAKES ONE OF THE CANDIES.

dr. ivanov and mulder are drinking whisky??? okay, boys night i guess. he finds a real looking roach on the way out. and starts talking to it.

he brings it to bambi and she confirms it’s a real cockroach.

scully calls, saying this town is insane. and that she has a lead! the alternative fuel researcher brought various animal dungs in, which could have started an infestation. and she says “maybe you can confirm this with your dr. bambi” and there is a sort of venom in there that has me giggling. get his ass queen.

oh, and now he’s going on about aliens. she says he’s been in this town too long.

HE BRINGS BAMBI TO THE INVESTIGATION??? he says to wait until it’s safe and he’s worried about the human element. DOES HE MEAN SCULLY?? or the researcher...

so poor bambi is just gonna sit in the car i'm crying

it’s the guy who was saying he was seeing cockroaches in his sleep!! and who found the first body, of the exterminator!!! he’s in there spraying stuff on a cockroach and it doesn’t do anything.

sure enough, cockroaches in his dung samples. mulder goes to touch it when this DUDE SHOOTS AT HIM?? his name is dr. eckerle. he says they’re following him. and that the bugs drive him crazy.

scully rolls up and says “let me guess- bambi” and bambi says “fox told me to wait out here” FOX?? hearing his real name is always such a jumpscare. she loads her gun and says this is no place for an entomologist. OKAYYYY steal his girl!!!

back in the lab, dr. eckerle has mulder at gunpoint. he’s reciting bug facts to distract him.

mulder tries to explain that dr. eckerle hasn’t gone crazy, but then he brings the gun back up to his chest and asks mulder if he’s a cockroach, so. jury’s out on that one.

scully in da research facility. she can’t find him. so she rings his phone. and dr. eckerle takes this as a sign that he is a cockroach!! he fires his gun in the facility full of methane gas and they have to run run run!! they make it outside and tell bambi to get down just in time.

agents are covered in exploded dung. deeply unfortunate.

and there had been 4 other fires that night!!! and a whole lot of automobile accidents, assaults, other such panic induced things. but no cockroach problems.

the episode ends with another planet of the apes quote and bambi hitting it off with dr. ivanov.

scully observes all this and says “smart is sexy” LMAOOOOOOOO

AND THAT THEIR CHILDREN MIGHT SAVE THE PLANET THE NEXT TIME DUNG EATING OUTER SPACE COCKROACH ROBOTS REACH THE PLANET. she is sooooo out of pocket!!!!!! but it was deserved.

he doesn’t seem to know what to say to this so he tells her she smells. and she seems taken aback LMAOOO

episode wrap up time. mulder edition. “the development of our cerebral cortex has been the greatest achievement of the evolutionary processes. big deal.” <- okay i’ve said lmao a lot, but that one got a real, genuine laugh out of me. ugh his dumb ass… love him so bad.

he is typing and typing and we see his fish in the background. also he is eating something. that i really hope has no cockroaches.

he’s going on about the vastness of technology but then has to slap the computer to get it to work LMAOOOO

he’s calling humanity mindless and primitive and BAM cockroach looking thing on whatever it was he was eating. he gets around to smack it. and then he lands a great smack, with an FBI file. i paused in case it had any clues to various mysteries and the file number is “667386”, but i don’t think that’s actually relevant at all

we hear a cockroach chirp as the end credits roll

WELL! that was an interesting episode. it’s interesting how even an episode centering on mysterious cockroach deaths can be made funny. they leaned into the campy elements, which i enjoyed.

things on my mind, in no particular order: scully cleaning her gun while calling mulder, mulder talking in poems while watching the stars, how they quoted planet of the apes at the beginning and then when two other did it it was in an implied romance (hey listen, you can’t stereotype the bond between two academics sharing a niche interest into such basic categories as “romance” or “friendship”, but i call it as the narrative presents itself), doggy bath time, the intimacy of long distance phone calls in pajamas, scully sleeping with the phone on her pillow, scully reading breakfast at tiffany's, this man sleeping in jeans.

it’s always weird watching them flirt with people that aren’t each other. and i know the writers do that on PURPOSE but it’s so weird!! the thing you did to be purposefully weird is working!!! so i was wrong about my initial assumption i had seen based on posts crossing my dash, she was NOT a former romantic partner, but a current love interest that did not seem to really feel the same. she just loves bugs, man. can you blame a woman? is there any greater love than between a woman and her research?

but seeing scully lowkey kinda jealous was also making me laugh. i’m not a believer in the whole “men and women can’t be friends thing”, so i choose to interpret that she wasn’t thinking along those lines at first, but the way she clocked him as down bad for her that fast was soooo funny. the minute that first name came out it was game over.

(i mean, maybe it could be interpreted less as jealously and more as friendly antagonism, but that wasn’t the vibe i was getting. she wanted the tea. and then cocked her gun in front of said bambi and implied she and her new scientist friend were sexy due to their smarts at the end. always watch your back because scully can and will flex in front of ur girl)

it was nice to have a silly one!!! a good old fashioned silly one. although the body horror really did jumpscare me because i was enjoying the silly and then WOAH. cockroach in the arm. i also just shivered thinking about bugs again. nasty nasty! i’m sorry bambi they are just crawly!!! i appreciate their value to science but i just watched that little critter crawl in an open wound so have some space for my discomfort!

i wonder if in the writer’s room, they allotted how many silly episodes are per season. or arc. i see people referring to “arcs” in my reblogs by specific names; you’ll have to fill me in on that measurement of episodes. because it sounds intriguing. but yeah, sometimes you need a lighter one, and it’s nice to get that.

need a scully fancam to femininomenon….

#posting this in the morning instead of the evening like usual... yeah maybe i did my watch last night and got too sleepy to post!#so if there are any typos try to ignore them unless they are blatant or offensive and need fixing #i have to go to work and deal with a million things that bring me far less joy than these nerds #anyway. good episode <3 #juni's x files liveblog #the x files #txf

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lucyandthepen · 1 year ago

Text

a lesson on style - vi . [ ljn | njm ]

pt. i, pt. ii, pt. iii, pt. iv., pt. v, pt. vi

you’ve always been content with being associated with one word and one word only: average. average in looks, academics and social skills, you’re just looking to graduate high school without causing disasters you’ll have to live with until you kick the bucket. when you’re paired with school king lee jeno for the semester-long physics thesis, you can’t help but think the entire situation has pretty much set itself up for failure. that is, until you strike a deal with your partner.

alternatively: an au tale involving lessons in popularity, eleven consecutive B minuses, a secretly sensitive, chess-loving jock, and an amateur sex tape.

pairing: jeno x fem!reader, jaemin x fem!reader verse: high school au { jocks!nomin ft. a super cute whiny ap physics genius renjun } rating: M chapter warnings: none word count: 8.1k

author’s note: this was actually supposed to go on for a lot longer but... it might've reached a solid 13-15k and i just thought it would be better to split it into half-ish, so nothing major happens, although i definitely enjoyed yet another mc/jaemin real talk session that i also hope you enjoy! :^)

tagging: @justalildumpling, @spiderrenjunfics (no longer available, please give me your new url if you're still interested!)

You think now is as good a time as any for you to say something that’ll easily impact the trajectory of your life forever; after all, Jeno’s essentially given you the floor after such a strange and honestly shocking turn of events. You’re aware of the fact that his thumb is still traveling across your cheek, more idle as an action than anything else, but you seem to be experiencing the feeling as something closer to an out-of-body experience than an actual first-hand one; the tingles they send to your heart are weird and blurry, like your body can’t process his touch well enough to understand it fully. You suppose it’s because of your confusion at what he’s saying, which leads to your second option: asking him what he means.

There’s little to interpret at face value, but what his words do is essentially unlock a torrent of other weird questions in your head. For instance: how long had he known that you liked him? Had he known this entire time? Did something you did make it painfully obvious? If he wants you to like him — and, as he says, only him — does that mean he’s essentially accepting your feelings? Does this mean… he likes you back?

You assume this is one of those moments where, because your mind is going a million miles a minute, a lot of time feels like it’s passed even though it’s just been a small handful of seconds. This assumption is quickly broken by Jeno’s expression of concern.

“_______________? Say… something.”

“Um,” you start before you can even figure out what you want to say. The easiest answer comes to mind: It’s always only been you. But that’s weird, and this isn’t a 90’s Western movie, and if it were, you certainly wouldn’t be the eloquent main romance interest, even if Jeno’s gaze could easily fool you into thinking that. You think about making a joke, but you’re befuddled and also fresh from tears that — if Jeno’s abrupt story is actually true — were totally useless and unfounded in nature.

Also, you’re really not that funny to begin with.

“I just…” you try again, and his eyebrows raise slightly in anticipation for your next words. Nothing else comes out after a few seconds, though, and he realizes this is just another false start, his hand falling onto your shoulder (maybe he’s tired of trying to coax it out of you with the thumb-on-cheek method, which admittedly had you clamping up more than anything else).

“You can just tell me how you really f—”

“I think I have to go.”

No. No. Why would you say that? The surprise on his face quickly morphs into something that looks almost crestfallen, an expression you’d never imagine seeing on bright, confident Lee Jeno, let alone ever be the cause of. His hand slips from your shoulder quickly, like he’s now worried touching you will electrocute him.

“Oh. I’m sorry — I didn’t… mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“I’m… I’m not.” You’re not, are you? “Maybe a little, but it isn’t really you —”

“Something I said, then—?”

“No, I…” Your fingernail digs into the pad of your thumb, with you trying to use the sting of the pain to jolt you out of this nervous, inarticulate state. “I just don’t think… I have anything of value to say right now.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Because…” Grappling for words is like trying to break through the surface of water; you’re almost there, but somehow you’re still floundering, and that only seems to be making it much worse. “Because I never really thought about what I’d do… if you really found out I liked you.”

When you say it, it suddenly makes sense. For some reason, you’d always lived your life shuttling between point A (liking Jeno quietly in the comfort of your own mind palace) and point Z (fantasizing about your life with him where you live in a quaint townhouse with a cute mailbox and three kids), but you’d never really given much thought to all the points in between, especially not one that contains a scenario in which he’d find out and seemingly be okay with it, which, based on the current conversation, somehow seems like a reasonable thing to assume about him.

You’ve always wanted it — him knowing, him accepting it, maybe even him liking you back — but it kind of felt like, deep down, you hadn’t really believed it would ever happen.

And you were kind of content with that, because you wouldn’t ever really have to deal with the complications of it. Right now, you’re feeling unprepared and a little exposed, weirdly vulnerable to his gaze. It once again, for the hundredth time tonight, it seems, triggers some kind of flight instinct in you that has you looking anywhere but at him all of a sudden.

“You can think about it… now,” he suggests carefully. Being put on the spot doesn’t really ever bring out the best in you — a fact that might be known to people who were actually paying attention to your failed impromptu speech about whale hunting in your sixth grade English class — so you just pretend that the silhouette of Jaemin’s front yard tree is supremely interesting to you all of a sudden, never mind the fact that it’s about a few inches from Jeno’s ear from your vantage point. You don’t really want to see his expression right now, especially if that means it’ll only fluster you back into speechlessness.

“I don’t really know if I can,” you admit. From your peripheral vision, you see what seems like a flash of discomfort pass across Jeno’s face; you’re sure you just imagined it, considering you’ve never imagined cool, aloof, king of your heart Lee Jeno as exuding anything other than utmost confidence. Still, his next words do make you question that notion twice over.

“Did I… misunderstand something? Is it that you don’t have feelings for me?”

“No, I… you know. I… yeah, I do, but I just —”

“You’re seeing someone else?”

“No,” you say more fiercely, and for a brief moment, you’re so appalled at the thought that your eyes flicker to his, which ends up being a terrible mistake because the confusion in his gaze is so profound that the guilt in you swells tenfold.

“Because I thought… maybe the reason Renjun and you —”

“He’s — honest to God — he’s just my friend.”

“And Jaemin is…?”

“My… next door neighbor?” You blink rapidly at the lights still coming from his house, wondering now what Jaemin has to do with all of this in the first place. For someone who seems like he would be extremely uninvolved in this general progress of events, he seems to crop up time and again, weirdly always around when you need someone. Maybe it’s a neighbor thing, or maybe he’s a little nosier than you thought. But thinking about another element in this situation is starting to give you a headache, and you’re way past the time you’re usually already in bed avoiding homework and watching shitty dating reality shows instead. “I don’t really understand what he has to do with this either. I just don’t think I’m prepared to have this conversation at all.”

“But you like me, don’t you?”

It’s weird, actually, now that you think about it — why does he have to confirm the fact time and time again? It’s almost like he’s worried, although you can’t imagine why he would be. More than anything, you’d kind of assumed that he would find that information pretty repellent, but with the way he’s asking in earnest, it almost seems like he wants to keep the knowledge of that like a talisman.

“I do,” you admit, mostly because it’s out in the open, but also partially because you’ve made the mistake of looking at him again, and you start wondering how he could even wonder when everyone seems to like him (you, perhaps, to a somewhat unhealthy degree).

“More than them?”

“I—” Your brow furrows, another wave of confusion washing over you. But his eyes are much too honest in their questioning, and you speak before anything else can come to mind. “More than anyone, Jeno.”

What looks oddly like relief settles on his face, and you notice only then that his shoulders have been tensed up because he seems to relax them all of a sudden. “Oh. Good. Great. So listen, now that we’re on the same page, I—”

Jeno’s interrupted by one of the guys in a university sweater calling out to him from across the two lawns, voice booming to a degree that sets off a few annoyed dogs in your area. Jeno raises a hand to signal him to wait, his mouth still open on whatever words he wanted to complete his sentence with, but the sounds he was trying to make quickly die into silence anyway, drowned out by a huge crash inside Jaemin’s house.

You’re not entirely certain of what he wants to say — on the bright side, he could have been ramping up to a point that could easily make all your dreams from middle school to now a perfect reality, but he also could have been setting you up for some kind of grand, embarrassing failure — not by his design or by malice but just by the pointing out of the fact that you two lead different lives and things would likely never work out, anyway, but it’d be cool that you liked him in your own time, and he’d allow it as long as you didn’t get drool all over his notebook in class.

Either way, you don’t think now, with a bunch of inebriated college people shouting profanities on Jaemin’s lawn and a gaggle of high school kids panicking about what sounds to be a broken table and a whole bunch of pizza on the floor, is the best time to be processing those things.

“I actually,” Jeno turns his gaze to you again, strangely alert, like you’d just whistled for a dog’s attention. You’ve never seen him like this, and it’s weird to think that, at this awkward moment, you can still find him painfully endearing. You have to shake yourself out of the grip of the already beckoning force that tells you to sigh dreamily about how adorable he is. “Think I should really be heading inside. Looks like they also need you for some kind of damage control, anyway.”

The same college kid calls for Jeno again, dragging out the vowels of his name kind of annoyingly. Jeno sighs, nodding slowly enough for you to know he’s caught on — this probably isn’t the right time to have such a weirdly heavy conversation.

“Yeah. I probably need to help clean up, anyway. No one’s going to want to do it, and Jaemin’s already chewed me out for bailing on mop duty a few times.”

“Why’d you bail?”

“Just… got busy, personally.” He looks sheepish, and it doesn’t take a bunch of lightbulbs going off for you to cotton on as well. Now, you’re just wishing you hadn’t asked, so you didn’t ever have to imagine it. Still, what’s done is done. You have to focus on keeping the discomfort out of your face this time. “Um… that’s not important, though. Anyway —I’ll talk to you soon, okay, ________________? Like… maybe we can catch up at school? You know, talk about our thing — the project, I mean — and like… et cetera?”

“Yeah, for sure.” Your smile’s weak, and so is your joke, but you should at least try to hold up casual pretenses as much as he does, even though he’s obviously much better at it. “I’ll tell on you to Hwang if you don’t, you know.”

His laugh is soft, but it at least sounds genuine; his smile still reaches his eyes, which already makes your heart feel a little lighter. But instead of trekking off immediately, he lingers, strangely, until his grin winnows down into just the ghost of a smile on his lips. Even weirder are his hands, slightly outstretched towards your waist, like he’s trying to cross the gap between you (even if it’s admittedly very minimal) but suddenly decides not to. The result is him looking strangely stiff and uncharacteristically hesitant, but you chalk it up to him simply not knowing how to end such a weirdly situated conversation. You know you’d have an even worse time doing it if it were up to you, so you can’t really blame him.

In the end, he closes the dialogue with ‘see you around, ________________,’ and a quick pat on the shoulder, which, if you think about it, seems a little disappointingly different from when he’d had his hand against your cheek a few minutes ago. Then again, you’re not sure you could handle something like that again, anyway.

You watch him walk off back towards Jaemin’s house, and some pitiful, pathetic part of you is expecting him to look back, say one last goodbye to you, or something, but the university guy that had belted his name out so vigilantly just swings an arm around Jeno’s neck and drags him to a corner where a bunch of other similarly dressed people, to whom Jeno starts talking to almost immediately.

Cutting this conversation short was probably for the best, anyway; you have no idea what he would have said, but you’re very sure you wouldn’t have been prepared for it either way. You trudge into your house and up into your room, already mentally prepared to spend the rest of the night obsessively mulling over what it all meant and what he had really been planning to say at the end. The process starts some time in the shower, while you’re shampooing your hair and you embarrassingly remember the feeling of Jeno’s hand tangled in it. The moony expression that the thought of it leaves on your face is present up until you see how stupid it looks in the fogged up bathroom mirror.

Renjun still hasn’t texted you, which is honestly starting to be a source of mild anxiety because you can’t be sure if he’s dead in a ditch somewhere or just ignoring you for some unknown reason. Whatever it is, you leave like three messages wondering where he’s at and asking him to call you. You’re on your fourth message, which is asking to confirm about tomorrow’s movie (something you’d almost forgotten about save for the fact that you’d remembered this would be a point of argument for you both once again if you spaced on it) when a notification pops up that once again gives you a heart attack.

Lee Jeno: u looked pretty tonight, btw :)

You: oh!! thank you…!

You: you looked great tonight too…! :)

Lee Jeno: haha… cute :)

Lee Jeno: goodnight, ____________ :)

This is the most emojis you’ve ever seen used in a single brief conversation, and you can’t help but feel like it might be a little juvenile, but it doesn’t even matter because Lee freaking Jeno called you pretty and cute in the span of five minutes. Your thumbs are shaking as you type back a typo-laden goodnight that takes you a full other minute just to edit before waiting a little more, but nothing else comes. Maybe he’s driving home, or something. You toss your phone onto your bed, away from easy reach, before you can start overthinking what this silence means again.

Your reflection in your window mirrors the same scene you’d encountered in the bathroom: you, hair bundled up in a wet towel, bare-faced with a stupid grin across it. You’re so caught up in the act of reeling from Jeno’s three texts that you belatedly notice a square of light beyond your bedroom window. You almost duck out of sight when you see a shadow there, thinking about crying bloody murder, until you realize it’s Jaemin, who’s watching the ridiculous expression on your face with a curious gaze from a distance. He’s still in the same clothes he’d worn to the party, but you can see, even from this far away, that there’s this dark patch on it that looks suspiciously close to the way your shirt had on the day his coke had emptied itself out on your back. That must’ve been from the crash earlier, you deduce.

You think he’s just zoning out facing in your direction, and you find there’s no need to meet his gaze, but there’s still something a little unsettling about having someone spacing out in your general direction, so you reach up to pull your blinds down. Your hand almost reaches the string, but Jaemin’s hand suddenly starts going up too, like it’s trying to follow you, and you freeze in your movements. His keeps going, though, up until it’s close to his face, and suddenly, he’s moving it side to side, in some weird regular pattern.

He’s waving, your tired, overworked brain tells you belatedly. The string of your blinds tickles the tip of your fingers.

Unsure and a little self-conscious, you wave back, hoping he doesn’t notice that you were about two strong pulls away from drawing yourself out of sight. This is clearly the right response, because even from this distance, you can see the brilliant white of his teeth as he smiles, fully and unabashedly, at you.

The first thing you do when you wake up the following morning is check your phone. You’re not even really sure what you’re looking for — maybe a text from Jeno, who, if you think about it now, probably has nothing to say in response to your boring ‘goodnight’ anyway (but you can still dream), or maybe a missed call or two from Renjun, who should at least be offering you some explanation as to why he was completely out of sight after parting ways with you and Mark Lee last night.

Unfortunately, there’s nothing on your screen, apart from the stupid 번장 notification that tells you the pocket punch board you’ve been wanting for no good reason has been discounted by the seller to a price you still can’t reasonably afford anyway.

You certainly can’t do anything about Jeno’s lack of contact, and to be completely honest with yourself, you’re not even really that sure if you want to. Something about yesterday’s conversation, while not exactly a train wreck, makes you very nervous to have a full conversation with him, and you’d much rather it stick to very basic, kindergarten-level things, like ‘you look cute’ and ‘haha’ and ‘:)’, but since that isn’t completely in your control, you decide you simply don’t want to do anything about it.

Renjun, however, is a completely different matter. You don’t understand why he’s ignoring you if he is, considering you had spent the better part of the night (at least, the parts during which you weren’t crying on your lawn) looking for him, so this silence, if deliberate, doesn’t seem fair or even reasonable. You decide that it’s much too early to be getting an earful from you in the end, so you just send a very emphatic ‘WRU?????????????????’ through both text message, KakaoTalk, and Facebook Messenger to him, hoping the repetition of both sentiment and punctuation mark through multiple platforms is enough to faux-yell to him what you’d otherwise be real-yelling to him over the line. You can’t tell if it gives you any sense of comfort to see he hasn’t been online and active for the last 15 hours.

All the tossing and turning of last night, courtesy of the endless loop replay of “I want you to like me — just me” Lee Jeno edition, had consequently left you worse for wear; you’d gotten up at the rising of the sun (something you’d sworn never to do during the weekend) and had opted to just stay in bed for another hour, trying so hard to get over the feeling of his fingers against your skin that you end up committing it to long-term memory. The sunlight peeking through your blinds is what gets you to throw off your covers and admit defeat to the fact that sleep would never come back at this rate, and you decide to just head down, rubbing the lethargy out of your eyes before you make a poor man’s breakfast. You’re halfway through the jelly slice of your sandwich when your sister comes through the doorway, yawning loud to announce her presence.

“G’morning, bedhead baby,” she greets, and you use the non-knife-holding hand you have free to rake through your hair. “Big rager last night, huh?”

“Yeah — wait, how’d you know?”

“We live a door down from Jaemin oppa’s house? Na Jaemin? Our next door neighbor and his whole family? We can see out the window into his lawn? Sometimes we get our sidewalk trash cans mixed up with theirs? Hello?” Sooyeon smirks, albeit a little sluggishly, as you wave her grating words away. “I saw you out there with him, you know.”

“With who? Where? Who?” You demand, your jelly-laden knife freezing in mid-air, the grape blobs slipping dangerously off the edge onto the middle of your bread.

“You. And Jaemin oppa,” she says each syllable slowly. “In front of our house.”

“Oh.”

“So usually how these conversations go is: I bring up a juicy piece of information pertaining to you, and because you experienced it first hand, you have to then expound on the piece of information, thereby making it juicier. ‘Oh’ doesn’t cut it. Not by a long shot.”

“There’s not much to tell.” You wonder, briefly, if you’re now obligated to bring up the Jeno aspect of the night — which, for all intents and purposes, honestly felt like more of a big deal than anything else — but you quickly decide against it, chickening out when she approaches you at the counter and starts unscrewing the lid of the peanut butter jar. That might be giving too much away, considering she didn’t even seem to notice that you’d been bawling when you’d crossed the property line. “He just walked me back here.”

“Oh, yeah, because that’s what people who live next to each other in a not-so-close-knit community do: walk each other two steps home, to keep the baddies away.”

“He’s just a naturally nice person, I think. Most people are, aren’t they?”

“I thought you guys were close. Didn’t he give you his varsity jacket? That sounds like a closeness thing.” She knots her index and middle finger together, and you slap it away.

“We’re close only in the same way as you are.” When she gives you a quizzical look, you sigh. “Proximity-wise.”

“Still doesn’t explain why he was out there, caressing your hair lovingly.”

You freeze, as opposed to Sooyeon’s comically relaxed posture as she scrapes the peanut butter across your other slice of bread. “He… was not. Caressing me. My hair. Lovingly.”

“I have eyes for the sake of seeing.”

“There was just something in it. In my hair. A leaf.”

You’re not sure why you lie; the largest part of the reason is that you don’t want to have to go into the horrifyingly awkward details of your emotional state last night, but there’s something oddly nagging at you that you can’t quite place. It takes a minute of staring at your sister spreading the peanut butter evenly across the bread and humming to herself while closing the sandwich up that you realize that you don’t want her getting the wrong impression about anything.

Which is weird, because there’s nothing to misunderstand.

Jaemin, albeit the fact that he’s been chattier to you as of late, more so than any other time in your life, is still just your neighbor. Maybe he’s graduated from being your sort-of acquaintance to something that vaguely resembles an arm-distance-ish friend, but the notion that you’re anything closer than that makes you feel a bit strange — almost like it… scares you, which is extra weird to think about, because there’s actually nothing inherently harmful about being casual buddies with some guy who lives close enough to wave at you from his window.

Maybe it’s because it’s Jaemin, and that’s what might be tripping you up the most. He’s not just Jeno’s friend; he’s practically some kind of counterpart to him, and it feels weirdly like a line you can’t cross. Or maybe it’s because… Jeno had asked you about him last night, which had made you feel even stranger. Like he’d been worried about something — like Jaemin was a no-go zone for him, specifically.

As you dully watch your sister take a bite off of your breakfast, it dawns on you: maybe you just don’t want people to think you like anyone other than Jeno.

“Okay, well, you know better than I do,” she singsongs in a tone that tells you that you actually don’t. Sooyeon doesn’t press, but she also doesn’t make you feel like the conversation is over — even if she trills I’m going back up; thanks for the sandwich in that same voice before leaving you alone in the kitchen with half of it on the plate.

Because the truth is that you don’t really know; you don’t know what’s so unsettling about being associated with Jaemin. Your sister’s not aware of the intricate ins and outs of your (delusional) relationship with Jeno, apart from your (apparently evident to everyone) crush on him, but you also know she’s not really deeply invested in where your heart lies; all she does is make conversation, as is her personality, as a form of bonding you’ve never really quite been able to navigate well.

You just don’t get why the mention of Jaemin, now, makes you feel… something. What that is, you’d rather not dwell on. So you just won’t.

You’re walking out of the kitchen, cheeks filled with peanut butter and jelly, when you see block letters on cloth, spelling out a familiar last name: Na.

You still haven’t given back Jaemin’s stupid jacket.

Today is the day, you decide. This seems to have started the whole conversation to begin with: the jacket that somehow brought Jaemin two steps closer into your life, the article of clothing that had opened the door to what shouldn’t even be a talking point between you and anyone else.

This should be the proverbial swan song for this whole topic; you snatch up his jacket (and immediately regret doing so in such a brutish manner, noticing you’ve got a few specks of breadcrumbs on the lettering) and head out of your house, your bedroom slippers absorbing morning dew as you march yourself over to your neighbor’s. You should’ve done this earlier, really; there was no reason for you to hold on to it.

Honestly, you’d just forgotten, given that you were more preoccupied with things that started with L and ended with ee Jeno, but you’d rather not extend any more misunderstandings.

And even if Jeno isn’t here to see this grand closing gesture, maybe, just maybe, this will help you stop feeling so cagey about everything he’d asked last night.

I want you to like me — just me.

Because why would he even think you liked Jaemin at all? Or make it sound like he thought you did? Ridiculous. Unfounded. Kind of alarming.

There’s noise in the air the closer you get to the Na household porch; it sounds a bit muffled, like it’s fighting the breeze, but you realize thereafter that it’s music coming from a tiny speaker sitting on the hand railing. It’s playing Dongbangshinki’s Here I Am, and something about that song stirs your stomach into swooping ten miles down as you approach.

Your initial plan was to ring the doorbell and pray that Jaemin was still knocked out cold on a Saturday morning so you could pass the jacket off to one of his parents and be done with it, but you’ve no such luck; it seems like he’s an early riser, considering how he’s seated right there, on a wicker chair by his door, hunched over a half-played chess board. There’s no one across him to block his view of you coming up the steps, and he looks up the moment he hears the creaks of the wood under your feet.

“Hey, ______________,” he doesn’t look surprised; in fact, he looks a bit relieved, for some inexplicable reason. “Didn’t think you’d be up so early.”

“Could say the same for you.” You have no idea what causes heat to flush across your cheeks; has Na Jaemin’s gaze always been this intense? “Um. Good morning?”

“Morning.” His laugh is an easy one; it always has been, and it kind of suits him, you note, before you realize how weird it is to think that. “What’ve you got there? Gift for me?”

“Wha — oh, yeah, I mean — no, but it is for you.” You hold up his jacket, hooked on your forefinger, to reveal it to him. “Sorry it took so long to give it back.”

This time, he actually looks a bit taken aback. “Did you stop needing it?”

“Um… I haven’t really used it, if I’m being honest.”

“Oh. Well, there wasn’t any rush. You could’ve kept it for as long as you needed. No pressure, or anything. I’ve got others.”

“You don’t need it at practice, or anything like that?”

“No; most guys don’t even keep theirs. They give them away, for… you know. So it’s no big deal.”

You fall silent; for some reason, his tone makes it seem like he wants you to keep it, which is just preposterous. You instead hang the jacket onto the back of the wicker chair opposite him and step back, like you’ve just set up a land mine you’re afraid of detonating.

“Well, thank you all the same. I really… appreciate your help. That day. You know.” You’re not sure why you can’t form any sentences long enough to signify you do actually belong in the same year level as him, but he at least doesn’t comment on your ineloquence.

Instead, he just stares for a bit, at the jacket and your retreating hand, before piping up over his music.

“You wanna play a round?”

“What? Oh, I’m…” You wave your hands aimlessly. “I’m not good at chess. Actually, I barely know the rules. Plus, you seem kind of busy playing against… your imaginary friend?”

He chuckles again. “Just playing myself.”

“Trying to outfox the old fox?”

“Sometimes it helps to know how you’d get out of a sticky situation you made by your own doing. Helps you see what your opponent sees when it all boils down to it.” He gestures again at the chair across him. “Humor me a little. It’s not as fun just talking to yourself.”

You hesitate for a second; you came here to return the jacket, and that much was done easily, albeit a little more awkwardly than you ever wanted to. Jaemin’s aura is laid back and friendly, but you’re not sure why you’re teetering on the edge of panic again. Jeno’s words seem to be echoing in your head.

And Jaemin is…?

Jaemin is your next-door neighbor, it’s true, but you can’t say that’s really your only point of connection; if it were, he wouldn’t be expectantly waiting for you to take the seat across from him. And when you look at his hand now, idle against the chessboard, you can’t say you aren’t thinking of the way it patted your hair soothingly the night before. All that does is make you wonder the exact same thing Jeno asked you.

What is Jaemin to you? A friend, perhaps, and definitely a nice person — nice enough to help you out, keep you company during a few low points. He’s a person willing to listen to you, funny enough to lift your spirits, and genial enough to not break your fingers for returning his things way too late (a low bar, but a good one nonetheless). Na Jaemin is a good individual, with pretty good music taste (based on the fact that his playlist, trudging on next to him, is now playing H.O.T.’s Happiness), and a good disposition about him that seems to make no small amount of people gravitate towards him.

But you don’t really want to dwell on what Jaemin is to you; more than that, you can only really be reminded of what he isn’t.

He isn’t Jeno.

And Jeno knows you like him; he’s not only noticed it but confirmed it multiple times in a single conversation. Surely, then, nothing else should matter to him — or, for that matter, to you.

You swallow down the refusal and nod, trying not to read into the fact that Jaemin’s face lights up when you pull the chair back and settle down on it.

“So let me get this straight; you don’t know how to play chess?”

“I know a couple of pieces go in weird directions,” you admit. “That’s about it.”

“Perfect.” His long fingers drum against the wood of the table. “I’m going to whip you into competitive chess-playing shape, my young pupil.”

What starts off as a casual, humor-filled lesson on the roles of each chess piece suddenly becomes an actual lecture; you’re not sure if Jaemin is getting a kick out of instructing a rookie like you on the different plays — which are infinite, a fact he’s drilled into you several times — or if he’s really just enthusiastic about the game (no, sorry, sport, since he’s chastised you about three times on this terminology already), but whatever the reason is, you have chess pounded into your brain for the better part of an hour. By the time he asks you to actually start playing against him, the sun’s fully up in the air and you’ve had to tie your hair up to keep it from sticking to your neck.

“I’m glad you got home safe last night,” he hums, pushing his black pawn to meet yours in the middle of the board. The Italian Game, he called it — not to be confused with serenading someone over pasta, a different kind of Italian game. That had gotten a long laugh out of you. Your hands flit over the white pieces, unsure of your memory. You only respond when you’ve moved your bishop to the same row.

“Well, it was a very long and tumultuous journey, but I managed, with some help.”

His knight comes out next, smoothly and quickly; you pause, rubbing the back of your neck. Surely, there was something else he’d taught you?

“What a chivalrous, ah, knight, that person must’ve been.” He raps a knuckle onto the table, starting you out of the act of racking your brain. “Perfect joke. Well-timed. Excellent chess pun. I think I deserve an award.”

“Does whooping my ass two moves into the game count as a prize?”

“I don’t want to rob you of the feeling of hope this early in the match. Take your time,” he chuckles, leaning back against the throw cushion behind him. He fiddles with the speaker, and the songs skip one by one, until he lands on a song you don’t know — some Japanese track that sounds suspiciously like an animation opening. It’s lively and admittedly a bit loud, and Jaemin hums to the guitar riffs with surprising accuracy. “Anything interesting happen when I left?”

You freeze for a moment, your fingers still hovering over your own knight in hesitation. You know what he’s asking, and for some reason, you’re tempted to tell him — then you remember that it actually isn’t really his business, and you don’t want to embarrass yourself.

“Not really.” You feign casual disinterest as you move your knight above your pawn line; from here on out, you have no clue what to do. Jaemin, on the other hand, is so sure-footed about his own skills (which are infinitely more advanced than yours) that he doesn’t even take his eyes off you to look at the board as he moves his next piece. You’re stuck thinking about what to do again — in the game, that is. Not about his gaze, which you try to avoid. “Just, you know. Talked with Jeno for a bit. Nothing major.”

Nothing major to him, you remind yourself. To you, your entire world had just been flipped over onto its belly.

Jaemin hums again, this time in understanding, but you notice (from your very surreptitious glances of him) that this time, it seems like he’s choosing what to do. You think it’s for the game, but when he counteracts your own (poorly planned) move with a swift response from his own pieces, you get the odd feeling he’s trying to choose his words carefully.

“Was it a conversation where you all got along?”

You hadn’t argued, but you’d never really thought about the whole stint long enough to classify it as good or bad. You supposed it wasn’t anything horrible in the end, although the fact that it had robbed you of precious hours of sleep wasn’t exactly the best outcome. But Jaemin’s not watching your expression now; he’s intently looking at the board, even if he’s not the one about to make the next move.

You get the feeling he’s suddenly avoiding eye contact too, which is weird, because he’s never been one to shy away from looking you straight in the eye. For some reason, that makes you feel like he doesn’t want to hear an answer.

“It was fine. Nothing… bad happened.” You know that’s true, but somehow you feel like it’s still not truth. “He explained… stuff. Who she was. Why it happened. Totally understandable stuff, I think.”

You choose not to mention anything apart from that — that he’d asked you to like him, nor that he’d asked you about your relationship with Jaemin. More than deciding it wasn’t going to be anything contributive to the conversation at hand, you also just didn’t want to.

Jaemin stays silent for a while; he moves his piece, then taps his queen — for some reason, he’s letting you know something about his next move. What it is, you haven’t puzzled out; it’s not like you know which direction he’d be taking, and even if you did, you’d surely not know how to respond to it, anyway. You guess he’s just throwing you a bone, but why he would, you also just don’t see the reason for.

You’re pushing your pawn hesitantly diagonal to capture one of his when he speaks up again.

“Did he tell you how it ended? With the two of them, I mean.”

He says it so calmly, capturing your bishop with his queen in the process, that you feel like you’re just talking about the weather and who won yesterday’s league basketball match. You shift uncomfortably in your seat, clearing your throat, but you only actually manage to shake your head.

“She cheated on him. Some college guy that she met during her orientation; you know she’s older than him, right? He’s never dated seriously since then. I think he was really hung up on her for a while — until recently, that is. I think. He hasn’t been that close to many girls.”

“That’s… that’s awful.” You’re not sure why Jaemin’s telling you this; it honestly feels illegal to know. “I didn’t think… anyone would. Cheat on him, I mean.”

“Even good-looking bastards like him can have rotten luck.” Jaemin’s smile borders on wry. “I don’t know why she showed up, honestly. Word probably got around… but she probably just wanted to know what would happen if she stirred something up with him one last time. He likely didn’t see it coming.”

You stare at the board, unsure of what to say. It makes sense, but something doesn’t really sit right with you either — why Jeno would let her come close to him at all, let alone allow her to completely eliminate the distance between his mouth and hers for longer than a second. Even thinking about it makes you want to throw up all over again.

“But deep down, I don’t know if Jeno completely got over her.” Jaemin continues, snapping you out of your short trance. “For a while after, they kept in touch. I think they even tried to work it out, but… obviously, it wasn’t easy. Until now… I’m not really sure.”

“Why,” you swallow hard. “Why… are you… why should I…”

“It’s not easy to be a player when you don’t know much about the game, is it?” He’s still staring at the board, but you get the sense that he isn’t just talking about chess. “Like I said, Jeno’s a pretty complicated guy. It’s not really my place to say anything, but…” Jaemin’s eyes flit upward for a second, and he offers you a small, almost pitying smile. “I think you need to know anyway.”

“But it has nothing to do with me. His life… I mean, his ex, and stuff.”

“I’m not too sure about that. If you like him that much… doesn’t that just mean you want to be part of his life?” He topples a pawn of yours, but you barely register the clattering noise or the fact that he drags it unceremoniously off the board. “I think you should at least know what you’re getting into. Jeno hasn’t liked someone seriously for a while, but you seem… to be the opposite. How much do you actually know about what he’s like?”

You don’t know why that kind of hurts your feelings; maybe it’s just because you have to face some kind of truth about how you don’t know much about Jeno’s private life, as badly as you want to. You even have to hear about it from someone else — someone easily kicking your ass in a dumb chess match.

“I think everyone has baggage,” you say slowly, pushing your rook forward. You realize it’s trapped behind two different pawns, so you’ve essentially backed the piece into its own corner. Jaemin doesn’t seem to care; he’s too busy executing what clearly is a ten-stage strategic win on the other side of the board. You don’t really care.

“That’s true,” he concedes, toppling your knight. “But some more than others, I think.”

“If he wanted me to know, he would’ve told me, right? Yesterday, I mean.”

“That’s may also be true, although I can’t say that with absolute certainty.” He looks thoughtful, and the pause gives you a bit of reprieve — enough to make a bad move that you instantly regret the moment you put your one remaining bishop on a square. Something like amusement flickers across Jaemin’s face, but he doesn’t make a move immediately. “Do you know what makes chess such a great game? In my opinion, anyway.”

“No?” The uncertainty in your voice is from a lack of understanding at the sudden shift in topic.

“Whenever you play someone, you get to see what they’re like — what their priorities are, you know?” His finger lands on a rook, inching it back and forth with idle intent. “You see how their mind works, what they’re like when they’re winning or losing, and what they think of you. Check, by the way.”

You’re silent as his rook captures your bishop, and he picks your fallen piece up and sets it aside with his growing pile of white.

“I’ve actually asked Jeno to play with me a few times, just for the fun of it. Sore loser,” he laughs lightly, one hand reaching out to lower the volume of his music. You notice the opening bars of Winner’s Really Really come through moments before it’s toned down. “Doesn’t really know or care about the rules, but he really likes to win. That’s kind of what makes him the star player on the team, actually. He really hates being backed into a corner, but all that focus on winning kind of tunnels his vision sometimes. Leaves him open to some attacks from another angle. He really hates that — which is probably why we barely play chess together in the first place. Apart from the fact that he thinks it’s boring.”

You’re staring at your pieces, now very pitifully winnowed down in number, and you feel stuck. You’re not sure what to do, but you’re pretty sure any move is going to make you look dumb in front of Jaemin, who’s clearly a pro — so much so that he seems to know what you’re going to do before you even decide yourself.

“You know what I like about your playing style, though?” He interrupts your train of thought again. You look up from the board, bemused; you’ve just been struggling to humor him since your first move, and it obviously isn’t working, since he seems more invested in the conversation than in the game. “You’re just trying your best, even if you’re new at this — even if you think you’re going to lose.”

“I just don’t want you to think I’ve forgotten everything you just said,” you respond, smiling weakly.

“You can’t always predict what’s going to happen in a game, even if you know the pattern anyway. Isn’t that just natural about anything in life?”

“You seem to know, though,” you grumble, tugging on your ponytail. You throw in the only option you have left: pushing your queen in front of your king as a last line of defense. “You’re barely paying attention to the board.”

“It’s just constant practice — a lot of hard work on my part. I don’t mind the grind of it, if it gets me somewhere good in the end.”

“So is that the kind of player you are? Just… a hard worker?”

“Maybe. I like to look at things from every possible angle. I guess that’s why I like chess when most people find it a headache.” He picks up his queen, rolling it in his palm. “Although, I guess Jeno and I have one thing in common — as players, that is.”

“What’s that?”

“I also really hate to lose.”

His queen knocks over your own with a pitiful clatter, taking its place on the board. When he picks up your piece, instead of adding it to his knockout count, he offers it to you. You take it gingerly, opting to focus more on it than on the soft smile that’s now playing on Jaemin’s lips.

“Checkmate,” he announces lightly. “Good game, _____________. You’ve got the makings of a star player.”

“You’re patronizing me, aren’t you?” You sigh as the two of you start resetting the board; you have to watch Jaemin’s pieces get rearranged to position your own.

“Only a little bit. I see a lot of quiet drive in you.”

You place the last of your pawns in a neat row; the board looks like it hadn’t even been touched. “Jaemin, how did you and Jeno become this close? You seem… I don’t know.”

“Yeah, we’ve definitely got our unique quirks,” he chuckles softly. “But Jeno and I… we just go way back, I think. When you’re friends with someone from a young age, you tend to grow with them. He’s a good dude, really, even if our personalities are different, and it’s always a fun event so long as he’s around. Well — mostly. I’d say a good ninety-nine percent of the time.”

You pointedly ignore the sheepish smile he throws your way.

“You said before that you’re not the type to… you know, share your feelings, and all that. Then how do you… like what do you guys even talk about?”

“What do you and Renjun usually talk about?” Jaemin grins. “Anything and everything, really. Movies, games, why the jerk from Yongsan International gets on our nerves when he chews his gum. We just… have a tendency to be interested in the same things, no matter if our perspectives are different.”

While talking to Jaemin is fun, you can’t help but feel like he has a tendency to speak in riddles. You still don’t really see any strong similarities in their approaches to their interests, similar as they may be, but what do you know, anyway? It isn’t like you and Renjun are exactly peas in a pod on paper.

His eyes lose focus for a second, hitting somewhere behind your ear before they quickly turn back to you. You have no idea why this makes you feel a little put on the spot.

“Hey, you want to have brunch here? My mom makes a mean soybean paste stew.”

“Oh,” you press your hand against your stomach, wondering if the swooping feeling in it is from hunger or something unrelated. “No, I actually just ha—”

“_____________?”

You swivel around in the chair, and your heart stops; you're not the least bit prepared to see Lee Jeno standing at the foot of Jaemin’s porch steps, a quizzical look very clearly etched on his sharp features.

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stinkigami · 4 months ago

Text

my fav moments from recentish chapters for my own reference bc why not

>My friends...don't make such sad faces.

Even though I am living here and now with all of you,

If this sacrifice of mine paves the way for new history,

If these flames of mine can create a new life,

>Then I am ready for my fate.

>I've been collecting these stones because I thought they could be parts of my parent...

>But even though you might not be my real parent,

Once I get them all, I'll still give them back to you, Mukuro.

Because it is your body.

>This pregnant woman is dead...yet the child inside her is still alive.

>I've seen so many dead bodies by now...and yet never a body which still held the warmth of another's life...

>I can still save the child.

>And yet...

>What miserable life of loneliness awaits him, an undying child who has no parent by his side.

>Least I can do is give you a name...

>Since my name is Mukuro, a 'corpse'...you shall be called

>Kabane. [true meaning: dead body]

>Do you resent Akane, your aunt?

>While I was living in the village...I did think that auntie might have hated me. But looking back now...

>I think I can understand her feelings a little.

>The reason she was afraid of me...was because

>She was afraid something could happen to Yataro.

>She was determined to kill me because she wanted to protect what was important to her.

>Of course, this hurted me.

>But auntie wasn't in the wrong either...So I do not resent her.

>Our ancestor, Hachifuku Tasaburo the First, believed that despite all their differences and misunderstandings, kemono and humans still could co-exist, accepting each other as equals.

>As a Tasaburo of today,

>I am determined that the atrocities commited by Inari Yoko cannot be tolerated.

you can skip the kaido infodump

>The giant mamono sent after Kabane-san and his friends is mostly likely the work of Kaido, the minister of national security.

>I really dislike men like him...parading around in his suit, creating that uncanny fearsome image.

>I do not care about your opinion. State the facts.

>Ohhh! Ohhh! My master, I am so very sorry! Please, do not get mad at me!!

>Oh...Well!

>It seems like he often has some sort of 'secret talks' with Mikage, the minister of the mamono project.

>What are they talking about?

>Well...It's a little diffcult to explain...

>Minister Kaido is a fanatic of sorts, as they say? He's collecting lots of toy monsters from those monster movies he loves,

>And together with Mikage they are like children...obsessed with the idea of bringing these monsters to life.

>So to say...what they actually are doing is Kaido having his ape minions undergo mamono transformation,

>Creating real atrocities one after another.

>As of today, Kaido has successfully brainwashed his whole species into believing that their sole purpose in life is to become these 'monsters'...creating an army of pawns who don't feel any pain.

>It' him...

>I'm sure, this Kaido...

>...is the one trying to create the 'perfect mamono'.

>Perfect...?

>Meaning the one whose body wouldn't self-destruct.

>The ape kemono clan, 'shoujou', as I knew them

>were kemono who achieved their prosperity by firmly believing that 'violence is justice'. They valued the strength of their clan as a whole over their lives as individuals.

>And a thousand years ago, they were the ones who killed the most humans in the war.

>Therefore, I decided against them being among those fourteen who created the kemono stones.

>Even though as a clan they were truly superior.

>It is no wonder that Kaido has sided with Inari Yoko then.

>Birds of a feather, huh?

>They really match each other.

this one is only bc i wanna show thin calling himself handsome

>Back when we saw the raibow tides in Vietnam, I sent the pictures of the mamono corpse to my colleagues, asking 'Does anyone know what is this?'

>And Thin was the only one who didn't reply at all.

>That was so out of character for you, so I assumed that you must be in Japan.

>I wanted to reply right away~~~

>But I couldn't, because e-mails are checked by the government.

>But The Tanuki Express isn't! So I've been relying the mamono data we acquire to Doctor Thin.

>As for now, I'm but a random handsome doctor in Tokyo...there wasn't much I could do until now.

>But the mice are on our side now, right?

>That means I am free to work in my Kyoto lab while keeping it a secret~

>A secret..?

>The fact that it's possible to start the vaccine development.

>Oh!

>Right!

>If we have the vaccine, we could intentionally trigger the self-destruction of the mamono bodies...

>In that case, even if Kaido's plans go through, we at least will have some means to counter him.

>But...

>If an in-deep research could be possible...

>Then I'd like to eliminate the virus in a way that would not destroy those affected,

>But rather cure them.

>Just something I'd want to try...my personal wish.

>Geh?!

>What the hell?! Hitting on a guy already?!

Isn't he with his girlfriend?! Are you blind??

>Hey! Are you kidding me?! Have you got no shame?!

>Ah! Don't raise your voice at me!

>Huh? Who's raising voice now??

>Sorry, dude~ She's with me. She's just at that age when things get a little...

>Alright, let's use them! Go Go Tsubaki!

>Sigh...

>Oh...you know, we are heading for that farm too, in order to observe things.

>Even though we all are working for the government, sometimes there are some disagreements...so the higher-ups sent us there from Tokyo to check up on the farm.

>Umetaro-san sticks to moderate views within the government...

>He continues to work under Inari-sama in order to minimize possible casualties, like in this case.

>So, will you please join forces with us? I'm sure we have the same goal, even though we will be working differently.

>How is...Nobimaru-kun?

>Well...he's alive for now, I guess? Who knows how much longer he can keep it up though...

>Huh?! What do you mean? Aren't you friends? What happened between you two?!

>Huh? I wouldn't call us 'good friends'...And I do worry about him, okay!

>I do...worry...

>Huh?! What is that thing?!

>You've seen it before.

>Oh! You mean back when we attacked the mobster hideout?

>I didn't recognize! Didn't think your body would become like this!!

>Well...

>Neither did I.

>Does anyone else know about this?!

>I'm afraid Hoshikuma has sensed it, but remains quiet.

>Inari-sama is aware as well, but she doesn't care.

>What...She doesn't..?

>But did you not do this to yourself in order to please her...

>I guess he's ready for whatever awaits him later. That poor bastard realized there's nothing that can help him, and he is deaf to words.

>But still...You know,

>I don't wanna Nobimaru-san to die like this.

>I've seen people I know die and die again...I don't want to see anyone dying no more.

>Does that...include me, too?

>Of course!

>Friends or foes...I really don't want anyone to die.

>I've decided for myself that the best outcome would be for both sides to have less casualties if possible.

>I guess everyone's kinda outta their mind, huh?

>I get it!!

>Uwah!

>Umetaro-san! Aren't we alike?

>Huh?!

>I don't want you to die either! I'm glad we were able to meet again and talk. Let's do our best tomorrow!

>Oh...Akira-chan...

nice gag aimoto very funny (rolls eyes)

>Big Brother, you got it all wrong!!

>Seriously, we were just discussing our viewpoints and found something in common before tomorrow's mission...

>Right! Big Brother, Umetaro-san is a good person!

>Is that so. If it's about tomorrow, shouldn't all parties be involved?

>Yeah...You are right.

>Oh?

>>>hit 30 images

woah,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

disclaimer i like to paraphrase a little but overall the meaning is like thsi

#kemono jihen

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doloresliddell · 3 months ago

Note

I wanna say thank you for knocking some sense into me. I've been struggling with the after affects of a toxic friend group that consisted of 7 girls who all were proclaimed 'nymphets' after a while they roped me in their mindset and it kinda went downhill from there. I never wanted to turn out like this and what you said really kinda opened my eyes to the really morbid and disgusting reality that is this 'nymphet' community. I want to get better after this realization I really do but I have no clue where to start because I want to be able to enjoy the community around the book and the movies (even if they were poorly told) ((Dolores was a ton boy not some girly girl in dresses or skimpy clothes)) I think im going to talk to my therapist when we meet in 1-2 weeks but until then do you have any advice on how I can heal?

First of all I think you should stay away from the movies.

These are not "poorly told". They are intentionally softcore CSEM (child sexual explotation material).

Sue Lyon was just just TWELVE when she was casted.

And for Lolita 1997:

You are literally posting stills of softcore CSEM. You are posting stills of CHILD PORNOGRAPHY, and talking how much you want that to happen to you. The producers/directors literally wanted to make CSEM and had to restrain himself just a tiny little bit because anti CSEM laws.

Did you know Menarche has gotten lower in the last years, right? Female puberty starts at around 8 years old, Humbert nowadays would want to rape 8 year old girls.

This is what Humbert speaks of when he talks of Nymphets.

Humbert is attracted to early breast development (8 to 12 years), to menarche (8 to 13), early armpit hair and so on.

When Dolores has the normal body development of a 13 year old in the 1940's, he calls it advanced age and begins to get tired of her. Do you know why? Because he is fixated on 1920's european little girls who were stressed and starved during WW2.

Vladimir Nabokov's Lolita. Part 1, Chapter 5.

Anarchy: A journal of DESIRE ARMED (Issue #19, May-July 1989, "Save the children" by Richard Walters), a pro CSA publication, WHICH ARGUED FOR EVEN THE SEXUAL ABUSE OF NEWBORNS.

When you like Humbert, this is what you like. You can trace back ALL of his arguments to actual real life pro contact pedohebephiles. Is that what you want?

When you see this, do you call her a "nymphet"? You should, since you believe they are real. This is what Humbert thinks is a "demon child", not this

When you post stills of poor Sue Lyon, do you stop to think this child had her life ruined and was raped on set? When you post Dominique Swain, do you think about how she said the role ruined her life?

When you think of your handsome Humbert Humbert, do you think of this? How he calls himself foul smelling? How he calls himself hairy, with aging ape eyes?

And above all, do you think of people like me, who had the "fortune" to be what you want to be when we were as young as 2, 3, 5, 10 year old? Do you think of incest victims? Did you ever think of the fact Dolores was being raped by her dad?

When you think of calling yourself Lolita,nymphet, do you ever think of the CSEM forum "Lolita City", the ages shown here, of all these girls whose rape was filmed? If you wanted to be "Lolita" or a nymphet so bad, why weren't you going out of your way to do this to yourself? I am sure you would find a Humbert there!

Or better: Don't.

Do you remember how Humbert married poor Charlotte and then killed her to gain acess to little Lola? Well, I do.

Do you know who Peter Scully is?

He is currently serving a life sentence in the Philippines for trafficking, child pornography, the murder of a 12-year-old girl, and the torture and sexual abuse of at least eight girls, including a 1-and-a-half-year-old girl.

He is the author of the infamous Daisy's dest...do I even have to say it?

And was the owner of Hurt2TheCore, a snuff/pedosadism csem page. He is also accused of creating the pedosadist and murder and torture international net No Limits Fun.

Anyways, why the mention of him and of Hurt2TheCore? Well, of course, here is the people who post there:

Oh, yes, Humbert in real life. Is this what you want?

Stay away from the movies and go back to the novel. Get into the musical. Read analysis of the book. Go read books about CSEM forums. Memoirs of real life incest victims. of rape victims. That's how you "enjoy" Lolita.

And from a real Life Lolita to you, a wannabe, I hope the world NEVER teaches you what being Dolores Haze in real life is like.

#ask

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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 1 month ago

Text

Michael in the Mainstream: Top 100 Movies #25 - #1

100 - 76

75 - 51

50 - 26

So this right here is what I really wanted to talk about. These are the 25 movies that I hold nearest and dearest to my heart, the ones that mean the most to me, the ones that have influenced my tastes and the sort of things I like to see more than any other. Some are older films, some are pretty recent, but all of them represent what I think is the very best of their kind.

And yes, I could have just talked about these in the first place without doing all those other movies... But I'm the movie guy around here, so I felt like it would be more fun to give you a window into my taste in film. Anyway, here are the final movies:

25. Hercules

What happens when you throw Greek mythology, gospel music, the animator from The Wall, and Superman into a blender? You have Disney’s most bizarre and ambitious musical. It was a bold move taking Greek myths and sanitizing them to a mild degree(there’s no incest, rape, and infidelity but there is death and attempted infanticide!), a move that pissed off Greece for disrespecting their mythology, but come on. Lighten the fuck up. The whole point of myths and legends is to allow storytellers to embellish and alter details as they see fit for their vision. This take is no more or less valid than any other, though considering it has James Woods portraying Hades like a sleazy used car salesman trying to screw you out of your life savings, I’d say it has the edge over everything save the game Hades.

24. Clash of the Titans

As a child, this is the movie that got me into Greek mythology. It’s also the movie that got me into stop motion animation, which to this day remains one of my favorite forms of animation. And then it’s also the movie that gave me horrible nightmares, because that Medusa sequence is fucking terrifying. Ray Harryhausen delivers some of the best animation of his entire career here, and he singlehandedly propelled Medusa into the limelight; she wasn’t a household name prior to this film, but you’d be hard pressed to find anyone who hasn’t at least heard her name now. It also helped greatly alter the public perception of what a kraken is, and may have convinced people it’s a Greek creation. For a cheesy cult classic of a film, the impact this has is impressive, but even if it was just me and five other people who knew this movie existed I’d still love it all the same.

23. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

This is essentially a Shakesperean play, but with apes. The sheer amount of drama is incredible, and the stunning work at bringing the apes to life shows that human ingenuity will achieve the best results when it comes to rendering monkeys. Caesar is a fantastic and compelling lead of course, played perfectly by Andy Serkis, the man who somehow doesn’t have an Oscar, but I think the real star of the show is the villainous Koba. Never has a chimp been so horrifically and unrepentantly evil while also being heartbreakingly tragic. He also rides a horse while dual wielding guns and then hijacks a tank. That is literally one of the most badass visuals ever put to film.

22. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

A lot of people view this movie as the weakest of the trilogy, and while I obviously don’t agree I can kind of see it. The first act has its moments, but I think it’s a bit too slow and repeats a few too many jokes from the first film. But as soon as Ego hits the scene, the film goes into maximum overdrive and delivers a far better and funnier experience than the first film. Ego is one of the most heinous and captivating villains in all of comic book cinema thanks to Kurt Russell, but frankly it’s former side characters turned major players Yondu and Nebula who steal the show, as both are given a lot more to do and thus a lot more depth. The latter’s relationship with Gamora is explored quite a bit more and they’re even given a reconciliation, while the former gets a strong emotional arc and redemption while also pushing the development of the trilogy’s true main character Rocket to the next level. He also gets to massacre an entire ship full of goons in one of the MCU’s most epic sequences. And as if all this isn’t enough, this movie has the single best soundtrack of the Guardians trilogy; hard not to when you have Fleetwood Mac and George Harrison on it. The only thing that’s missing is “Come and Get Your Love.”

21. Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back

I like most of the other Star Wars films; there’s maybe only two I consider outright bad, and even then one of them is more “messy and mediocre” than “awful.” But there is no way in Hell I’d ever even consider an argument that Star Wars ever got better than this. It has the battle of Hoth, the Wampa, Han hiding in the asteroid, Lando, Yoda, Han being frozen in carbonite, Boba Fett… And then capping everything off is one of the single greatest plot twists in cinematic history and a pretty dark ending for this sort of series, though one tempered by hope that the day can be saved. This is what Star Wars is all about right here, and the series has yet to ever produce anything that quite matches this in terms of sheer quality.

20. Dune: Part Two

Ok, that’s enough about the sci-fi for kids; it’s a real man’s sci-fi movie now! The first film was good and all, but I felt like it was slowly paced and a bit too heavy on exposition and worldbuilding without much excitement. This film fixes that; it keeps all of the exposition and worldbuilding, but it intersperses a lot more exciting setpieces and brings in Feyd-Rautha, who steals every scene he’s in even if he isn’t wearing those crazy space panties like when Sting played him. Of course, the real draw of the film is watching the well-meaning but vengeful Paul buy into his own hype as a means of survival and slowly descend from a decent guy in a bad situation to a villainous terrorist messiah with a god complex. The fact this movie ends on a triumph that would be the end of any other series but paints the victory with the blackest brush really has me excited for where the third chapter will go. What can I say? I’m a sucker for movies with big worms.

19. The Incredibles

Pixar had made plenty of compelling narratives about things like toys, bugs, monsters, and fish before this one, so it was only a matter of time before they tackled humans. I think there was probably a worry there, considering the humans in the original Toy Story looked really ugly and while the second one showed improvement it wasn’t all the way there yet. But making the novel decision to stylize the characters a la Team Fortress 2 proved the way to go to tell this story that’s a blend between James Bond, Watchmen, and the Fantastic Four. The characters and their struggles are relatable and grounded in reality despite their superpowers, and the movie is absolutely not afraid to get dark in ways you wouldn’t expect from an early Pixar movie, mostly courtesy of one of cinema’s greatest villains, Syndrome. Throw on top of it a Michael Giacchino score that helped launch his composing career into the sky and a hilarious minor role for director Brad Bird as the super suit designer Edna Mode, and you have what is inarguably Pixar’s best movie.

18. Pulp Fiction

I go back and forth a lot over whether this or Kill Bill are my favorite of Tarantino’s work, but I inevitably always land back on this one. Sure, the latter film is fun, violent, and action-packed, but this movie here is more quintessentially Tarantino. It has non-linear storytelling, with chapters bouncing around time to deliver a fascinating tale of criminals trying to outwit each other. It has an all-star cast of actors giving it their all, with defining performances for Samuel L. Jackson, John Travolta, Bruce Willis, Uma Thurman, and Ving Rhames among many others (plus a demented Christopher Walken cameo). It has an awesome soundtrack, it has black comedy, it has meandering conversations that reveal a lot about the personality of the speaker, it has copious use of the N-word (sometimes even straight from Tarantino’s own mouth), and of course it has plenty of shots of women’s feet. This is Tarantino in his purest form, and it still holds up as one of the greatest masterpieces of the 90s.

17. Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga

I didn’t know if I’d be thrown into the same sort of blissful ecstasy that Hideo Kojima was while watching this, but let me tell you that this was such a fucking amazing movie I just had to rewatch Fury Road right after. As far as origin stories go, it is genuinely hard to get better than this, which not only showcases Furiosa’s backstory and her rise to her position as seen in Fury Road, it also showcases a younger Immortan Joe and the depths of his evil as we see he once had a son named Scrotus. Who the fuck names their kid that besides the most depraved villain imaginable? But quite frankly the real star of this show is Chris Hemsworth as Dementus, a villain who is as stupid and pitiful as he is depraved and cunning. It is absolutely astounding seeing him act his balls off after watching him sleepwalk through mediocre Thor and Ghostbuster movies. If you ever thought he might not actually be that good of an actor, you need to sit your ass down and watch this movie.

16. Deadpool & Wolverine

I think it is extremely easy to pick this apart when you take this film at face value, because on the surface the narrative is kind of flimsy and the emotional core just isn’t there. Like, why should we give a shit about this brand new Wolverine’s plight, moping over the deaths of a version of the X-Men we’ve never seen? But this isn’t a movie we should be taking literally; this movie is a metaphor for a lot of things, from the very nature of the Fox Marvel films and their messy and convoluted timelines to the literal idea of Wolverine as a cash cow box office draw. But most importantly, this is a superhero movie that is a love letter to unloved superhero films, a heartfelt sendoff telling them that even if they weren’t great, they had maximum effort put into them. Think of all the crossover characters and how they’re from failed franchises or unmade projects; no one was clamoring to see Elektra, and hardly anyone would know Channing Tatum was ever meant to play Gambit. But these characters are implemented in such a way where it’s clear that whatever audiences thought, Reynolds certainly saw some value in them. As someone who loves watching dogshit movies and seeing if they’re really that bad, this plot definitely speaks to me. As a straight Deadpool film this doesn’t work, but as a fond farewell to Fox’s time making Marvel movies and an entry point for Deadpool to join the MCU, this is one hell of a great film. You will come out of it wanting Cassandra Nova to stick her fingers in your brain, though. Fair warning.

15. Poor Things

If Barbie is the film equivalent of an “intro to feminism” course, this is the advanced placement course. This is an impressive allegory about the objectification of women and how they seek agency in a society that so desperately wants to force them to be something whether they like it or not. Emma Stone gives an absolutely insane performance, and it’s genuinely hard to deny she actually deserved the Oscar after seeing how mind-bogglingly demanding this role must have been. Mark Ruffalo, too, shows off his long-dormant acting chops, flexing his comedic muscles after being stuck as a supporting CGI giant in Avengers movies with zero hope of a solo film. The colors, the dialogue, the score, it all comes together to make one of the most striking films in recent memory.

14. The Thing

John Carpenter made one of the few movies I have ever had to look away from on my first viewing, sitting alongside Breaking Dawn – Part 1 and Cannibal Holocaust in that illustrious category. The effects here are beautifully gruesome, with some of the most delightfully monstrous bits of body horror you could ever hope to see. The plot is fantastic, with the paranoia and fear that breaks down even these toughest of men being something that leads to a lot of applicability (it’s easy to read this movie as a metaphor for the AIDS crisis, for instance). And best of all this film features amazing performances from Kurt Russell and Keith David, some of the best of careers that are stacked high with amazing roles. Carpenter had a pretty flawless run of films in the 80s, but this right here is his magnum opus.

13. A Clockwork Orange

I love films that are character studies of horribly repugnant individuals, and there are few better films of that sort than Kubrick’s crowning achievement. Malcolm McDowell makes Alex DeLarge into one of the most captivating monsters ever put to screen, a villain who at times exudes an almost human warmness before committing a depraved crime and slipping back into psychotic coldness, sometimes complete with a chilling Kubrick stare. I think my only real issue with this film is that it just sort of ends without any clear resolution, something the novel actually gave, but considering I found that book unreadable I can live with it.

12. American Psycho

A Clockwork Orange is fantastic, but Alex can be a bit too charismatic for his own good. I like a character study of an awful person who is just a complete void of personality, a wretched, miserable, evil person who is also utterly vapid and hollow by design… and boy howdy is Patrick Bateman the guy to scratch that itch! Christian Bale gives easily the best performance of his career, and keep in mind this is a guy who refuses to not act his pussy off in every film he stars in. His Bateman has that surface level sheen of charm and charisma that only barely masks the fact he is nothing but a soulless husk of a human being who revels in killing/fantasizing about killing to fill the empty void of his life since he’s an overly-privileged yuppie piece of shit, The fact that they even managed to take an astoundingly unfilmable novel and translate it so well to screen is astounding, and they even kept in all of Patrick’s rambling music monologues! And if nothing else, this film does do one of my absolute favorite things a movie can do: Show Jared Leto getting brutalized.

11. The Suicide Squad

DC’s movies generally sucked, and Suicide Squad is generally seen as a failure. With these two facts in mind, it was easy to be apprehensive about the at-the-time disgraced former Marvel director James Gunn’s try at taking a bunch of D-list villains and sending them on a suicide mission. But unlike Ayer, Gunn understood the assignment, and delivered his trademark superhero found family goodness with all the cathartic freedom an R-rating could give a Troma alumni. There’s blood, gore, and swearing, but there’s also a ton of heart (and not just the one Peacemaker stabs). John Cena gives the best performance of his career and one who would continue to improve upon in his spin-off, and for once Sylvester Stallone nails comedy as the dopey juggernaut King Shark. It’s a movie wholly unafraid to embrace the silliest aspects of comics (giant alien starfish, villains who control rats, Polka Dot Man) while also engaging with mature and serious themes while using said aspects. And after her previous ensemble outing with the Birds of Prey, it’s nice to see Harley truly back in her groove and getting to live out a Lollipop Chainsaw level.

10. Drive

Ryan Gosling cemented himself as a star in my mind with this movie. A pitch perfect neo-noir with a godly soundtrack, excellent atmosphere, and gripping plot, this might be my favorite movie that I just can’t bring myself to ramble about; like Ryan Gosling in the movie, I just have so little to say. I guess maybe he is literally me after all!

9. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3

It’s kind of impressive how this movie pulls the rug out from under you and reveals this whole time, the trilogy has been about Rocket. It all makes sense in hindsight, of course; he has one of the clearest arcs of any of the Guardians and probably the most bombastic personality of the group after all. But the places this movie goes to show why he is the way he is… man. This one has some of the most crushingly sad scenes in any superhero movie even if you know they’re coming, and also one of the few cool action scenes in any Marvel movie. It also has the most nasty villain imaginable in the High Evolutionary, who despite being wholly evil with motives that aren’t too complex manages to be entertaining and engaging. The soundtrack is good (not as good as the last one, though) and the comedy is solid, and the way this movie ends leaves it so that even if we never see any of these characters again, we know they all got a satisfying sendoff. Isn’t it nice, when things end and we get some level of closure?

8. The Nightmare Before Christmas

Henry Selick worked miracles translating Tim Burton’s macabre holiday mashup fairy tale into glorious stop motion animation. It’s a film that really is greater than the sum of its parts; the story is relatively simple, the message is pretty heavy-handed, and the villain is in two or three scenes and barely effects the plot. But it’s all so visually interesting, all the performances are stellar, and all the songs are so damn good that it’s incredibly easy not to care and just get sucked into the weird and spooky world of Halloweentown. Every Halloween and every Christmas I would get my parents to rent this from Blockbuster, and I would watch it over and over… I loved it from the first time I watched it. And imagine my joy when, the first time I sat my daughter down to watch it so she’d quiet down and relax, she had her eyes glued to the screen in awe. Like father, like daughter. Love of this film is hereditary.

7. The Silence of the Lambs

This is the greatest thriller ever made in my eyes; as far as murder mystery stories go, nothing even comes close. The plot, the setup, the mystery, the killer are all so well done, and Jodie Foster really sells her role as a young woman struggling to be taken seriously in her field while also having a steely resolve that keeps her from coming off as a helpless damsel. But it is Sir Anthony Hopkins with his limited screentime as Hannibal Lecter who truly steals the show, portraying a villain who is cunning, classy, and creepy all at once. His nightmarish jail break is something else entirely. Of course, everyone heaps lavish praise on Hopkins, so I’m going to highlight Ted Levine as the deranged Jame “Buffalo Bill” Gumb. While his depiction may come across as a bit problematic in some areas due to omission of a lot of context from the novels, he still manages to be incredibly eerie and fascinating. Hard to hate the guy who introduced me to “Goodbye Horses.”

6. Evil Dead II

The first film was a straight-up horror movie, and Army of Darkness was a wacky fantasy action comedy. In between those two came this, a perfect blend of both horror and comedy and a true showcase of Sam Raimi’s directing skills. Impressively, it manages to outdo its predecessor in horror and its successor in terms of laughs, truly managing to be the best of both worlds with its surreal black comedy that hearkens back to movies like House. Bruce Campbell is truly at the top of his game here as well, with the iconic Ash we saw in Army of Darkness fully formed after his experience in this film. Truly a film that earns the right to call itself… Groovy.

5. The Princess Bride

This is my mom’s favorite movie, so I got to watch it a lot growing up; it should come as no surprise it also ended up as one of my favorites. It’s hard to think of a single film with a better script than this one; almost every line of dialogue is iconic, and all of them are delivered perfectly by one of the most impressive casts imaginable. Before we had Bautista and Cena, we had Andre the Giant in a wrestler-turned-actor role giving his all and making Fezzik one of the most lovable characters in fiction. But it’s hard to really single him out when literally everyone is great—there’s not a single weak link in the whole cast. Even the framing device, the easiest part to fuck up for a film like this, has motherfucking Peter Falk as the narrator. This is one of the few films I can honestly say is about as close to perfect as a film can get.

4. The Lighthouse

Robert Eggers is probably my favorite name in modern horror, and it’s almost entirely thanks to this film right here. It combines the surreal, black-and-white dreamy horror of stuff like Eraserhead with delightfully batshit performances from Robbert Pattinson and Willem Dafoe and brings us an intimate, claustrophobic picture of two men going mad from isolation… maybe. There’s so much beautiful ambiguity here, so much to ponder even after the film is over. Is the ending meant t be taken at face value? Which of these men is actually lying? Is everything happening just mundane sea issues or is it an oceanic curse? There’s a lot of ways to think about and interpret this movie, and that’s what I love about it. Each viewing gives me more to chew on, and more for me to consider when I try and make sense of some of the bewildering things shown.

3. Mad Max: Fury Road

I don’t think there are really any action movies that are quite as thrilling as this one. Like, okay, the movie right after this one is also a thrilling action movie, but I love it for different reasons than this one. This has some of the most insane stunts and pyrotechnics around. There’s a dude with a flamethrower guitar, for crying out loud! But even that aside, there’s a pretty solid plot with a feminist slant to it, featuring a villainous character turning good and redeeming himself through viewing women as human. Tom Hardy’s take on Max is a fierce reclamation of the character from the grubby hands of the vile Mel Gibson, and he is a deeply important character even if he doesn’t talk much. That’s another great thing about this—These characters don’t always need words to communicate their ideas, sometimes their looks, their actions, and their grunts are enough to tell us all we need to know. If I have any criticism at all it’s that this film only rarely slows down—but even when it does it’s still fantastic.

2. John Wick

The sequels got bigger and crazier with their action setpieces and choreography, veering into almost fantasy levels of gun-fu and violence. And I love the second and fourth films a lot (the third is okay, but it feels like spinning the wheels a bit too much), but I still think the first film is entirely unmatched. It has a much darker atmosphere, between the lower stakes plot and the more ambiguous and mysterious nature of the world. Keanu Reeves finally shook off decades of being called a wooden actor with this, channeling his talent into either simple yet effective replies or the most snarling affirmations of bloody vengeance; his “I’m thinking I’m back” speech is short, sweet, and effective at not only establishing Wick isn’t fucking around (something we know full well but it’s nice to hear) but at showing us that Reeves himself is back in the limelight as well. This is so close to being my favorite film of all time, but there’s one movie I like more… and when you see what it is I’m sure you’ll get why this only takes home the silver.

1. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

For the longest time, this was the installment in Peter Jackson’s fantasy epic that I was the least impressed with, preferring the more epic The Two Towers and especially The Return of the King. But upon rewatching them all after the birth of my daughter, I had the same sort of realization I did with the John Wick movies: The first movie just can’t be beat precisely because it isn’t so overbearingly epic in every regard. Oh, don’t misunderstand me, though—this movie is still epic when it needs to be. How can it not be when it has Gandalf fighting the Balrog? But it has moments where we get to see Middle Earth without constant wars and fighting. Hell, a big chunk of the first act is the hobbits chilling in the Shire before Gandalf drags them off on the mission. Literally my only issue with this movie is that there isn’t any Gollum in it aside from a cameo, but that is the most minor of nitpicks for what is easily the greatest fantasy film ever made and one that does Tolkien’s work justice.

#michael in the mainstream #list

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