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utilitycaster · 2 months ago

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if you're up to elaborating, i would love to hear more about your complicated feelings on Taliesin's reads of this campaign, because that's something that's been itching my brain but I'd been having a hard time pinpointing why and I'm interested to hear your thoughts!

So I think it's best summarized in part as a combination of what was said in this post I just reblogged and these tags from @kerosene-in-a-blender on this post:

#yeeeaaaahhhh#ngl it seems like the characters and parts of the cast got so caught up in the potential moral dilemma of interventionist gods#that they forgot the gods of exandria aren't particularly interventionist#critical role#critical role spoilers#cr spoilers

Ashton feels like they learned something about their own arrogance and assumptions with Shardgate...and then it just vanished. And the fact that Taliesin genuinely read that as what was supposed to happen when like 3-4 authority figures, some of whom (Allura) have existed since Campaign 1 as People To Listen To had said "This is a bad idea" in plain language does give me pause because like...with all due respect, I get why Ashton would do this anyway! But come on, man, how do you hear that and not go "oh maybe it's a bad idea."

I don't want to read in too much to cooldown and 4SD either but I really do just feel that like...some of the cast, and Taliesin isn't alone in this but definitely seems to be using it the most in-game, have come under the impression that the purpose of this campaign is specifically to upend everything we knew...but that idea is just an assumption that is not supported, and as I've said repeatedly, there is no situation in which the world is not drastically changed - there's going to be either a hostile alien invasion, or a friendly alien migration, but either one will be monumental within Exandrian history, and that's not counting the establishment of the Accord/the collapse of local institutions in both the Dwendalian Empire and Bassuras/ If one cannot see any possibility for vast change within the world other than killing/driving out the gods, I don't know how to address this nicely. This is an uncreative and stupid position that I can't engage with because it's so stupid. It's like saying World War II didn't change anything in our world because at the end of it the US and USSR both still existed largely intact. So the over-focus on only one means of change in a way that feels based on an interpretation of this campaign's purpose that isn't even stated anywhere is telling and deeply frustrating.

As the second post indicates, it feels like some of the cast, Taliesin especially, got caught up in a theological argument of divine intervention that personally I had a great time debating in Hebrew school when I was 13, but is not ultimately true in Exandria (or reality, for that matter). On some level it's like maybe read some Harold Kushner and you'll calm down; it feels like you're arguing against like, some very real religious tenets (that are not exclusively Christian for once) but in a story where that's not actually a problem.

I'd throw in that Bells Hells sit in this awkward place of not being nobodies (or Nobodies) anymore but many are still acting like it and Ashton is at the forefront. Indeed, look at the name "the Nobodies." The problem is that Ashton is a Somebody now. He's not like, the ruler of a city, or an ancient dragon, or a god. But they're someone who has the personal raw power and the connections to survive an ill-considered second shard absorption. They're someone who is easily going to survive a fall out of a window, and who can't be bound into service. They are someone who has been entrusted by the world to assist in saving it, and they're too fixated on the gods not personally saving them to consider the vast potential harm to others, and I think it's not inherently out of callousness but rather that they've rather abruptly risen from "orphan criminal who expected to be dead by 30" to "guy tasked to save the world" but they have no option but to rise to the occasion, as the Raven Queen said. To change the world, he must change himself, and I feel like Taliesin, who often enjoys the idea of characters who don't change, is perhaps too wed to that concept for this particular narrative. And, for what it's worth: I've said it before that my personal preference is to keep the gods in place...but I would genuinely be MILES happier with a party that decisively had decided to kill the gods. I would not agree with their decision, but anything is better than this indecision. And since Ashton is pretty staunchly in favor of killing the gods and the rest of the party is varying degrees of strongly against (Orym, Braius), weakly against (Chetney, Fearne, Imogen, increasingly Laudna) and unsure but worried specifically about the mortal impact (Dorian) at some point it's like. Either say "I don't like this, but this is the party's plan" or leave. The decisiveness matters on an individual level too; because Bells Hells does not have good internal methods of resolving conflict for reasons stated above and below, at some point it's like. You have to give it up because no one will make you. If Ashton genuinely cannot or will not yield on this, either commit to betraying the party (totally valid, could be a great story) or have them leave; if Ashton does trust the party, have them reluctantly give in. A party-wide choice must be made and fast. The party is aimless because they are all pulling in different directions and it all cancels out, but Ashton is definitely contributing extensively to that agonizing stasis.

I suppose I should wrap up with what I've been saying a lot but should probably go on this post which is that a lot of the flaws in this campaign are not any singular person's fault. I really do feel like they began with the fact that Matt was clearly building to this specific story, and Bells Hells were not a party terribly suited to it in the first place and then were given an earlier narrative that, because it was heavily on rails to get them to the solstice setpiece, failed to give them the tools to become people who would be prepared for this endgame. I think Matt really wanted the cast to make the decisions here, and did not have a specific decision in mind, and now they're all finding that they're playing characters who can't make that decision. It's a culmination of a lot of smaller out-of-game choices that have failed to gel into a coherent whole. When I say the Raven Queen was right, and if they are not ready for this, to go home, I don't think the party should be tpk-ed or anything, but yeah, if they can't decide what to do when they are essentially tasked with killing the BBEG and diffusing the universe-shattering bomb, they should abdicate. I don't think a story in which the heroes fail is a bad one. I know Call of the Netherdeep has been a touchstone in the fandom throughout this campaign and there's one possible ending to that that's sort of unsatisfying, but the unsatisfying nature itself makes it an interesting story to me. I think this campaign ending with the party saying "we can't do this" is vanishingly unlikely, and complaints aside I think they will probably make a decision now but it all feels exceedingly doylist - Bells Hells are the characters the cast happens to be playing for this climactic final moment so I guess they will play those characters, and those characters will have to make a choice so that the final moment happens, but it doesn't feel terribly organic.

#answered #Anonymous #it's been a minute since I read harold kushner i should get that out of the library if i can #unrelated but i bought the main actual play study text too my meta is going to get REALLY fucking researched soon #not that it wasn't. but it's going to get MORE.#this got very rambly and a bit off topic anon sorry i hope it still answers it #cr spoilers

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stevethehairington · 2 years ago

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for the writing prompt, can I request numbers 37 & 64? It sounded so cute in my head 🥺

hiiii! thank you for the prompts!! double action hell yeah!! these two go soooo well together too omg.

you did not say any specific pairing, so i went ahead and wrote steddie because they are my default <3

37. "can i kiss you" + 64. "it's two sugars, right?"

Eddie wakes up in his bed feeling more peaceful than he has in a long time.

He lets consciousness return to him slowly, basking in the soft sunlight that seeps through the blinds, the cozy warmth of the bedsheets, and the delicious ache of his body as he stretches out.

The memories of last night trickle back to the forefront of his brain, and a syrupy smile spreads across his face.

Eddie hums contentedly and nuzzles into the pillow. Lazily, he wonders if his luck has stuck around long enough for a round two (or round three, really) in his near future.

But when he sweeps his arm out from under himself and towards the other side of the bed — towards the body that’s supposed to be there, all it catches is air. There’s a lingering warmth against the sheets, but it’s the only sign that anyone was there at all.

Eddie blinks his eyes open properly and sits up. Disappointment wells up as his sight confirms what his touch had told him:

Steve is gone.

Oh.

It… it stings. Eddie can’t say that it doesn’t. Maybe it was naive of him to think that last night had meant as much to Steve as it did to him, but he had. Thought that.

The idea that this whole thing was just… just a one night stand? It hurts. Eddie doesn’t want it to be a one night stand. Steve had been so sweet, too. So attentive. It didn’t feel like a one night stand for him either. But what did Eddie know? Maybe that’s just how Steve is with all of his bed partners. Maybe he just makes them all feel that special.

Or, shit. Maybe Steve isn’t even into guys. Maybe he’d thought that he was and last night just proved that no, actually, he’s not. Except — no, no. That can’t be true. The sounds he was making last night were way too real to be fake. That was enjoyment, no if’s, and’s, or but’s about it.

So then maybe Steve just isn’t into Eddie. And instead of being honest with him, instead of telling him straight up, he slipped out before Eddie could wake up. He didn’t have the guts to break Eddie’s heart, so he just… left. Disappeared. It’s a dick move, but… sometimes old habits die hard, right? Maybe his heart wasn’t so gold that the assholery couldn’t slip back through the cracks.

But Eddie can’t believe that either. Not with the way Steve’s been looking at him. Smiling at him. All of the excuses he’d make to be around Eddie; and the constant touches to his shoulder, his arm, his back, and the way they lingered; the way he’d laugh at everything Eddie had to say, even if it wasn’t funny. There’s no way Eddie read the signs wrong. Steve was interested. In Eddie.

Before Eddie can spiral any further, though, a creak sounds off from somewhere outside of his bedroom and he freezes in place. Wayne isn’t home yet, he’d taken a double shift at the plant today, and won’t be home until the evening. Which means, unless Eddie’s home is being robbed, there’s only one other person that could be snooping through the kitchen cupboards like that…

His heart starts to jump rope in his chest as he ambles out of his bedroom, down the short hall, and into the kitchen. And, just as he thought— just as he hoped, he finds Steve standing at the counter.

He’s still sleepsoft, in nothing but his boxers (or maybe those are Eddie’s, actually) and one of Eddie’s worn old t-shirts. His hair is flat, rumpled in the front and sticking up in the back, like he’d slept on it funny. There are still pillow creases in his cheek. He is beautiful.

He’s also speaking to the ancient coffee maker in a mild-mannered tone, whispering gentle encouragements and positive affirmations to it, like those will coax it into finally working right.

Fat chance.

“Come on, baby, come on. You can do it! You can make a cup of coffee, I know you can! Come on, work with me here,” Steve pleads.

When the coffee machine continues to do nothing, Steve curses under his breath and smacks his palm against the side.

Eddie can’t help himself as he snorts at the Jekyll and Hyde change of heart, and Steve startles at the sound, spinning around.

“Oh, hey,” he says, shoulders relaxing when he realizes it’s just Eddie.

“Hey,” Eddie replies, and his cheeks warm for no good reason. “I see you’ve met Leonard.”

Steve’s nose scrunches up. “Who the fuck is Leonard?”

Eddie jerks his chin towards the coffee maker. “Leonard,” he introduces. “He’s a crotchety old fucker. Only does what you want when he wants to. Kind of like Wayne.”

Steve laughs. “You just gotta treat him right then. That’s all. A little sweet talking is all it takes.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah — Harrington charm hasn’t failed me yet. Just you watch.”

Steve pets the side of the coffee machine, caresses it, more like. He leans in close and whispers, “Come on, big guy. I know you can do it. Just give me some of that sweet sweet lifeblood you’re so good at making, that’s all I want.”

The smooth tone and the flattery make Eddie think of last night again — the praise and the exaltation and the so good, baby, so good for me that Steve kept repeating like a prayer.

None of this now is directed at him, but he still feels hot all over. (Is it reasonable to be jealous of a fucking coffee maker?)

But then, against all odds, Leonard sputters to life. First, a tiny little drip. Then another, and another, and another, until finally a full stream of hot, fresh coffee spills into the waiting carafe below.

Holy shit. Steve can talk anything over the edge, apparently. Harrington charm indeed.

Steve brightens and sends a triumphant grin Eddie’s way. It’s tinged with smugness too, and Eddie shakes his head at him. (Fondly, always fondly.)

“Hah, see? I still got it,” Steve boasts. He waggles his eyebrows and Eddie wants to kiss him again.

He doesn’t know if he can, though. He doesn’t know what this is, and he doesn’t want to make assumptions.

Instead, Eddie moves over to the table and drops himself into one of the chairs. “You makin’ breakfast?” He asks.

“Just coffee,” Steve responds, “but I can make something to eat if you want.”

A home cooked breakfast sounds so nice. All Eddie usually eats in the mornings is toast or cereal. Something hot off the stove would be a treat. But Eddie doesn’t want to rope Steve into cooking for him if he doesn’t want to. If he… has other plans. Like leaving. Eddie doesn’t know his morning after habits.

“No, it’s okay,” Eddie tells him.

He’s about to add on that maybe just a cup of coffee for himself would be nice, if that’s not too much trouble for Steve, but Steve is two steps ahead, as always.

He brushes up against Eddie’s side and sets a steaming mug right in front of him.

“It's two sugars, right?” He asks.

Eddie blinks up at him. “Yeah, I— how’d you know that?”

Steve smiles. “I pay attention.”

And it’s— it’s so fucking sweet. Steve’s never made Eddie a single cup of coffee in his life but— but he knows how Eddie takes it anyways. And he made it for him without even asking. Just thought of Eddie, like it was no big deal. Like he wanted to do something nice for him.

Steve turns to go back to Leonard and pour his own cup of coffee, but Eddie lunges forward to catch his wrist before he can go far.

“Can I kiss you?”

Steve wrinkles his nose, tilts his head. “You have to ask?”

Eddie purses his lips and ducks his head. It’s a little embarrassing that he does have to ask. It makes him feel a little bad, too. Like he’s doubting Steve or something.

But he’s never done this before. Any of it. He doesn’t want to assume. He doesn’t want to get his hopes up.

“I wasn’t sure,” Eddie replies.

“Eddie,” Steve says, sliding into the seat across from him. “We did a lot more than just kiss last night,” he points out.

And, yeah, they sure did. Eddie fights a flush as the memories of last night flood back. Steve on his back, Steve between his legs, Steve with his mouth and his hands all over Eddie, making him feel so good.

Eddie shrugs. “Yeah, but that was last night,” he says, curling in on himself a little. He hates that he feels so insecure about this. Hates that he has to even bring it up. “It’s morning now. It’s a new day. It’s— I’m not sure— I just don’t know if last night was, like, some one time thing for you or…” he trails off. Shrugs again. His fingers toy with the handle of the mug in front of him.

Steve reaches out across the table to take Eddie’s hands. His thumbs brush over the tops of his knuckles, and he waits for Eddie to meet his eyes before he smiles — soft and sweet and warm.

“It’s not just a one time thing for me, it’s really really not. I’m, like, so into you it’s kind of crazy,” Steve admits, a little breathless as he says it. “I want… I want everything with you. I want as much as you’ll give me.”

Eddie’s heart somersaults beneath his ribs, backflips across his chest, puts on a whole god damn gymnastics routine.

“That’s— yeah. I want that too,” he confesses back, twisting his hands in Steve’s so that he can tangle their fingers together properly.

The smile that lights up Steve’ face is brighter than the sun. Prettier, too.

“Steve,” Eddie says.

“Yeah?”

“Can I kiss you?”

Steve laughs, and he nearly knocks over the chair in his haste to stand up and round the table. He pushes himself into the space between Eddie’s knees, and cups Eddie’s face between his hands, holds his head like it’s something precious. Like he’s something precious.

“Yes,” Steve says, “you can.”

So Eddie pulls him into his lap, and he kisses him.

100 ways to say i love you prompts

#asks #justalittlefungi #steddie #stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #mack writes #macks ficlets

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buqbite · 4 months ago

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ok so!!!! i have. so many thoughts about penacony. aventurine the man you are...... his obsession with facades and masks... his future self shit talking him.... 2.1 truly delivered. his dynamic with ratio is also so interesting.... the contrasts... aven not taking care of himself at all vs ratio the self care king........

there's so much unexplored potential for a friendship between acheron and aven... their similarities as people who lost everything ... how acheron works in the shadows and aventurine flaunts himself yet acheron is much more willing to be... openly vulnerable about her past? as compared to aven..... i care them both dearly anyway!!! i have many thoughts on 2.2 but i don't want to intrude or make this too long ajshldfkjasdjf but yes!!!! im having a good time so far (though i'm kinda fed up with the sunday boss fight) and !!!! looking forward to meeting aven again (myriad celestia trailer!) + seeing what other adventures the astral express goes on...

I FORGOT TO REPLY SORRY

aventurine is just such a fun guy. i become attached to characters who try to sell a specific image of themselves pretty much immediately, because the gradual detachment from their own identity and struggle to properly connect with others is always a delight to see. and aven does it so well! he's completely out of touch with himself - kakavasha and aventurine are practically different people by now.

i care deeply about depictions of cptsd in media, particularly when they acknowledge that it really isnt just depression + anxiety + flashback induced panic attacks in a spot the person you ship them with can conveniently find them in and calm them down. such a big part of it is the way it can completely fuck up your self-concept and worldview cuz yknow. your brain structure is altered. it's the key factor in that disconnect that i just talked about. and that constant sense of impending doom and emptiness are a part of that, which often leads to stupidly reckless behavior. i don't even need to bring up aven's whole gambling thing here, do i?

(also please do note that, as i wrote this bit, welt was even further on the forefront of my mind than he usually is. because of course he would be)

him and ratio are also a fun match, because ratio does not care for the way aventurine flaunts himself (to pretend he has his shit together) in the slightest. he'd do a good job at getting aven to just... slow down, and wouldn't allow their relationship to develop into something unhealthy either.

(its one of the reasons i like avenpaz + ratio, bc aven and topaz on their own would most certainly enable each other's bad habits. they have a bit too much in common in that regard.)

AND ACHERON. ACHERON...

miss raiden bosenmori mei i love you so damn much. she does the "oh, i'm doomed? my struggle was meaningless? well if nothing matters then i will do what i want" thing so well, and every dynamic she has with the other characters is fascinating to me.

one really big thing to consider is that, since acheron's whole backstory is essentially the bad ending of honkai impact 3rd, she's already seen all of this dreamscape shit. she's been living in the waking world for a long time now. in the quest "when the sacred ginmill closes," her and welt talk about kevin kaslana, someone who used his last resort to try and save humanity from the uphill battle against the honkai and plunge all of humanity into a dreamscape (etc), robbing it of its future.

a big part of hi3 is the direness of the situation, and the way people push themselves to go further and further in hopes of reaching this unattainable peace. it's an absolutely sisyphian task. and acheron let go - she defeated her version of kevin (why would you name him that) and let her homeworld be enveloped by the nihility.

so acheron's been there. she lost the people she loved, struggled against a meaningless end and was changed so irreversibly that she's not even human anymore. and there's a lot of potential for her to properly guide aventurine out of the nihility (i mean that's kind of her job?) and onto a path that's a lot more meaningful to him.

also, i'm saving a lot of my acheron thoughts for when i actually finish hi3, but there's a few dynamics that i could pick apart and think about forever. my favorites being aventurine and his whole (gestures at this post) stuff, black swan as someone whose whole being consists of memories while acheron perpetually erases them, welt as someone who shares the same experiences and black hole related powers, and firefly, who exists in the moment because she can't dream in the first place, and chooses to fight against the inevitable without being afraid of it.

...also also also i fucking love black holes and i love how it's connected to sun imagery and i think the idea of icarus reaching the sun only to discover a hopeless abyss beyond it is my favorite hsr symbolism thing ever. black holes are like THE thing to show hopelessness and meaninglessness and emptiness and a point of no return, because they devour everything and leave nothing. we don't truly know what lies within a black hole!! we might never find out!!! there are so many suns out there that will end up as black holes but we can appreciate their beauty nonetheless, can't we??? ive never seen a character with black hole (or sun) imagery that didn't fuck severely. a person who will figuratively consume you in your entirety if you get too close. they can't even help it. it gets me every single fucking time. can you guys tell that interstellar changed my brain chemistry when i first watched it as a kid. i need to punch a wall

#asks #sure ill put this in the tag #hsr #aventurine #acheron #ratio #hsr meta

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sebsxphia · 2 years ago

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We've talked about giving the guys budoir shoots as gifts before they're deployment, but I also think they'd leave you a little gift in return. Maybe some polaroids of the two of you or just them hidden amongst your toys to be used as inspiration

OH NOW THIS IS A THOT DEAR ANON GOOD GREIF 😵‍💫😵‍💫

i can totally picture this with any of them, but thinking about this with jake specifically makes me 😵‍💫😵‍💫

it’s been three days since jake left and you’ve just about gotten over the feelings of loneliness and sadness with missing your jake. with that fog cleared you could focus on the growing ache between your legs that’s now taken over at the forefront of your mind. you took an evening for yourself. you had a hot bath, a face mask, a glass of wine, and now all you wanted to do was fucking come.

you reached into the bedside drawers next to your bed and fumbled around for the bare basics that would be enough to get you off (the rest you kept in another drawer). your hand hit something that you didn’t recognize and you peered over and into the drawer. in return your hand brought out a handful of polaroids.

the first one you saw was a ‘selife’ jake took in the bathroom mirror. he was half hard and held his cock proudly. you could see the faint outline of you in the shower behind him. the second one was of your face down in the pillows with your lips parted and your eyes screwed blissfully shut with your eyebrows knitted tightly together. jake’s cock could be seen entering you just out of frame.

the third was jake stretched out on the armchair in your bedroom. he scooted it around to face your full length mirror and he was palming his erect cock with his head thrown back against the armchair. the fourth was you seated on-top of jake with mere inches of him showing underneath you. now that one you knew he took, but you had no idea about the others.

the last thing was a piece of paper with jake’s handwriting scrawled across the page. “i thought you could use these as inspiration for the months, sweets. i miss you so much already. think of me and my cock when you come for me, promise? i’ll be thinking of your sweet cunt every night xx”

hot hot hot!! thank you so much for this my dear anon!! i could kiss your brain rn!! 💌💖

#💌you’ve got mail #jake hangman seresin #sebs masterlist #jake hangman x reader #jake hangman seresin x reader #hangman x reader #jake hangman x you #jake hangman x y/n #jake seresin x you #jake seresin x reader #jake seresin x y/n #hangman x you #hangman x y/n

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amphiptere-art · 9 months ago

Text

I just want to apologize to the general following. Whether you are a mutual or follower. ADHD sporadic hyperfocus is a lovely goddamn thing.

So yes, I technically stopped watching Tsams for my own health. And although I said I wasn't leaving the fandom. Without the daily uploads to keep my brain on it. It unfortunately fades.

For your little knowledge. I have something called hyperfixation. Where I will focus on a little thing a lot. This combined with my lovely ADHD. Means that that hyperfocus shifts near constantly. Without something to keep me grounded to a specific topic. There is a very high likelihood that I will move on to the next one.

Which is unfortunately happening.

The silky star cluster is still on my brain. But a lot of my other AUs aren't. A combined fact of just people not having anything to ask about them, and me not being able to come up with scenarios. Which is unfortunately causing my brain to try and latch on with anything that it can define as current and fun. This is unfortunately hurting my focus on the sulky star cluster.

If perhaps I had more of my ask blogs getting stuff, or even just a general bigger audience on the silky star cluster. Perhaps I could focus on it better. But as of right now. Well. It's not there.

What is on the forefront of my mind is Dim. Hollow Knight, And perhaps iron lung and alien worlds. Only one of these is connected to the FNAF fandom. And none of them are connected to tsams.

I am desperately attempting to focus back on Tsams. But with no roleplay asks to answer, and no role plays of my own to ask. There is nothing but the sulky star cluster keeping me attached. Which is unfortunately not a lot.

It's 4 grumpy eclipses and a single bear grumping around. There isn't really a story or narrative. It's a collection of snippets. There's a reason I don't talk about it outside of roleplay or ask scenarios. Because it's literally just a collection of scenarios.

I don't want to lose this fandom. I still love the fandom. But I cannot deny that I am fighting my instincts to just try and hold on. My sporadic hyperfocus just isn't working with me. There's no new or fun scenarios to think of. There's no responses to complete, and the sulky star cluster is only being really entertained by one person. Plus the burnout is high with the sulky star cluster. Talking for five characters that ramble?? I can only get through like maybe one or five asks before I just want to sit down and stop thinking about it. Plus the fact that I'm trying to force myself to draw and slow down.

I'm trying my guys. I am trying so hard to focus on what all of you are entertained by. That Tsams community. But I'm struggling all right.

In a desperate attempt I'm going to try and latch on to Dim and DCA centered AUs and characters. It's not exactly Tsams, But it's probably the closest I'm going to get. Characters like Blue Moon and runaway Eclipse Of course interact with these characters on The daily. That's the whole point of the RBB adventures of the cube. It's a place where you can ask those characters while still interacting on a level with Tsams. But no one's put asks into those in months. And I feel like asking for asks is intrusive.

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scuffle-with-spirals · 1 year ago

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hey scuffle, glad you’re back and I hope you’re doing well <33 i know you said that you listened to ever red but have you listened to the introduction video? The actual introduction doesn’t matter, but each bouquet has an instrumental that kind of teases how their song would sound like, so just based on the instrumental/teasers, is there a song from a specific bouquet that you like or excited for the most 👀👀?

Hey Bloo!!!! Sorry for the late reply! Thank you so much for checking in, I'm doing great! It feels nice to jump right back into things lmao. I actually hadn't listened to the intro video a the time of first seeing this ask, but since I've given it a good listen couple times over and based on instrumentation alone I'm mostly bar far excited to see Noir bouquet. I've always been a big fan of rock/punk/metal songs or just songs where the singer's vocals are given much more range to kinda emote or go off the rails, y'know? And judging based off the way the music sounds in their teaser, I'm by far most excited to see what the Noir songs sound like! Also because I like. I wanna see more of all the guys from there. Like, literally all of then scratch that certain character archetype itch in my brain, haha.

Behind that, I'm actually more rather excited to see what the Blue Bouquet has? I guess it's something about the softer instrumentation that really has me guessing on what their songs could be about, and that's amped my interest in them a bit!

And while there's nothing wrong with the energetic hyper-popish sound of Red, depending on how exactly the music sounds like in the actual song I may grow to really like it! :0c I actually love the detail someone noticed of a hidden message in EVER RED, so if more story or character based details like that appear and/or get brought to the forefront I can't wait to tear it apart bit by bit taking in every morsel like the 2nd graders dog chewing on the homework grrrekgkrkrkrkkdalalqkqkq

And I am really excited to see how they handle what seems to be Red's genre of music if they decide to do character centric songs for characters like Sanah, who kinda radiate those positive vibes to begin with. He is so cool™

#so excited to fragamem outta my membrane again. yippe!#fragaria memories #ask reply #ask rambles #fragmem

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homemade-ghosts · 2 years ago

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You are really good with words REALLY, so you may help me a bit there is something eating my brain: Some people have said that the only way to close Ricky's arc is to make him go away once he graduates and leave Salt Lake. And I disagree I can't point yet why, I guess a part of me feels like Ricky's arc about change is connected to his parents and he reflected that on Nini, letting her go and dating Gina was a step. I don't think going away will solve his problems I guess. What do you think?

You: “You are really good with words […]”

Me:

— but thank you for saying that lol, it means a lot, though I’m afraid I don’t always live up to that expectation.

I’ve never actually seen anyone say that Ricky needs to move away (for college or otherwise) from SLC as a sort of capstone to his arc of accepting change after he graduates high school. It’s an interesting idea and I’m not opposed to it, but I agree with you, I don’t think it’s necessary.

College is a big life adjustment in & of itself. Ricky’s going to be surrounded by & bombarded with change regardless of if he goes to a university across the country or 20 minutes outside of his hometown. No matter what, it will be a new place with new people and new responsibilities, so it’s not as if Ricky needs to “go away” & completely sever ties with SLC to experience any of that.

Besides, it’s Nini whose arc has always been tied to a place, not Ricky. It’s her who craved that external change, who needed it. At one point in s2, she tells Ricky something to the effect of “being in Denver didn’t feel right, but I liked who I was there.” Not because she thought that being in a new city had the power to fundamentally change her as a person (no one place can do that for you, you have to do that yourself) but rather because she had already changed and, I think, being in a place where everyone had all these preconceived notions about who she was & what she wanted, where they only ever saw her as this “old” version of herself, was stifling for her. Growing up in the same town, going to the same school with the same people, there is always going to be some pressure to be the person you have always been. It’s why Nini needed somewhere without a past, where she didn’t feel forced to be the Nini everyone had come to know, the Nini that everyone expected. She could just be all of herself, without restriction.

Ricky’s fear of change has always been less external than Nini’s desire for it, less about the place, specifically, and more about the people in it. It’s been about learning & accepting the fact that people, including himself, change & grow. No matter where they are.

& aside from the fact that moving away for school isn’t a necessity for Ricky’s character growth, it’s also not particularly logical. Out-of-state universities, public or private, are typically very expensive and we know, given the fact that he had to move out of his childhood home because they could no longer afford it, that Ricky’s dad doesn’t make a lot of money. There’s scholarships, but we’ve been told, on a couple occasions, that Ricky doesn’t turn in or finish his assignments and he’s on the verge of failing at least one class (English, I think? They mention it briefly in the Quinceañero episode) so it’s not likely he’d qualify a lot of those, at least not on the basis of academics.

Ricky’s a smart, talented person, who’s been going through a lot, emotionally, this past year, so I’m not trying to put him down by suggesting it’s impossible for him to get into an out-of-state college, I just wanted to throw out the idea that it might be more realistic if he went to a state school — but, hey, Troy Bolton managed to somehow avoid making a decision about what college he’d attend until they were literally at graduation (which is not a thing you can do, he would’ve lost his spot) and (again, somehow) got into the very competitive UC Berkeley, despite not being perceived as a very booksmart guy, so realism isn’t always at the forefront of storytelling.

I think Ricky could really thrive in college, wherever he goes, but I get the feeling that he doesn't see it that way -- I'm excited to see that change in s4, for him to believe in himself as much as Gina believes in him.

EDIT: @blues-valentine has a much better answer than I did! (here)

#hsmtmts #asks #anon

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irish-chikorita · 11 days ago

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People I'd Like to Know Better

Tagged by: @ratlastheseus (I'm normally pretty bad about participating in tagging games but lets give it a shot this time :D)

Last song: Dangerous (EPIC: The Musical - The Vengeance Saga) (guys go listen to EPIC: The Musical its SOOOOOO GOOD)

Favorite color: Greens and blues (especially together). I'm fond of purple as well!!

Last book read: I cannot tell you the last time I've read an actual genuine book. Which isn't to say that I don't like reading, I just haven't had convenient/easy access to a range of books in awhile 😔

Last movie: Descendants 3 (I never watched it when it came out, it gave off Bad (Quality) Vibes. A reaction channel I watch started goin through the Descendants movies, I realized I should at least watch the 3rd one so I know what's going on when the reactor goes to watch it. that was a mistake this was the worst Descendants movie oh my god-)

Last show: Bridgerton Season 3 (honestly was disappointed in this last season, they did Penelope and Collin dirtyyyyy)

Sweet/savory/spicy: I tend to lean towards savory stuff for the most part. I do enjoy spicy stuff here and there, but it will absolutely make me sniffley. I like sweets too but typically in the form of something gummy (and occasionally covered in sour sugar stuff). I find it hard to have baked sweets, I strangely have to be actively craving it to be able to stomach it most times.

Relationship status: Single, and pretty content about it rn. my last relationship (that was also my first) was a total disaster that only lasted 5 months, and its put me off to the idea of re-entering the dating scene anytime soon. I'm much happier being by myself or spending time with my friends 😌

Last thing I looked up: There's too many of the same general search but it's all pretty much "sims 4 cc maxis match" GBVHBHNHNJNBNJB

Current obsession: MLP had cycled into my range of fixations again for the first time since 2013 and has been pretty upfront in my interests for the past year or so, but its died down a bit recently (not going away but just taking a seat once more while other things take the stage). Minecraft has been the main fixation for the past 4 years, but Undertale is tryna rise from fixation hibernation, so the two are taking turns at the forefront of my brain atm. Pokémon is,, also there. standing in the corner,, menacingly-

Looking forward to: EPIC: The Musical's "The Ithaca Saga" (I need "The Challenge" to be officially released and injected into my veins i stg)

Tagging: I've never been good at this part of the tagging games (which is why I tend to not do them) so I'm going to take the lazy route and say that!!! whoever follows me who wants to do this!! can do this!!! that's right!! you!!! you can do this thing!! for funzies!!! And if you do this because of my post, you should tag me as if I tagged you specifically because I think it would be cool and swag 😎🛹

#tag game #personal stuff

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escape-rock-bottom · 2 years ago

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Journal 30 (1/2) - My Biggest, Meanest Negative Thought

I think we all have our own unique negative thoughts that just continuously circulate in our heads. These vary drastically between individuals, some are related to your perception of the outside world, your appearance, your relationships, you name it. There’s usually one that seems to dominate and bleed into all aspects of our lives too. I call these “chronic recurring negative thoughts”.

These are the ones that are so habitual they become a part of your personality without you even knowing it and control your choices. They’re rarely in the forefront of your mind, but they are omnipresent in your day to day life. They gnaw at you but you barely pay them any mind. They are the slow, barely seen killers of our self esteem and confidence.

During this whole self-development thing, one of the constant journaling exercises I hear gurus and coaches recommend time and time again is to identify and unravel your negative thoughts. I thought I got every single one of them out on display and ready for extermination but I didn’t realize this one, the one that hides so well but comes up much more often than the others.

The thought revolves around the fact that “I am not enough.” I am not man enough. I am not enough for the people I love. I am not disciplined enough. I am not determined and driven enough. I am not talented enough. I am not fit enough. I am not attractive enough…

And so on. These thoughts pervade nearly every aspect of my life but they’re so constant that my brain just filters them out. I didn’t even realize I was having these so much until I started this journey and began reeeeally digging in and improving my mindfulness.

It all came to the forefront when a specific incident caused an influx of these thoughts. I’m not going to fault myself for having them, but they kinda crushed me and caused me to spiral into these “not enough” thoughts. Then it hit me, a lot of my insecurities and goals are directly connected to this “lack of being enough”. I need to knock that off big time.

My situation is weirdly complicated. I have a literal split in my sense of identity (yay, weird neurology!) that causes me to basically have two varying views of myself. I think I’m a cool and interesting guy. I think I’m talented. I think I have what it takes to get where I want to be. Then, there’s a part of me that’s stewed in this idea that I need to be more than I already am.

It's counterintuitive as hell honestly. I think its a matter of I managed to be truly confident and love myself, but haven't fully disrupted the thoughts. I don't always listen to them nowadays, but I guess they became habitual.

I can’t tell if it’s a result of me wanting external validation, or if I feel I have to meet certain expectations of human-ness that I have not yet achieved, or if it’s a cause of some trauma stuff I long since forgot but held onto. Whatever caused it, they’re there, and they contribute to a slew of problems I have in areas of my life.

Now that I am aware of them, I can work on them. I need to remind myself that improving myself isn’t about becoming more for other people or to prove myself to others, but rather to prove myself to myself and grow into a person I’d like to be.

In reality to society, we will never be enough, but also be more than enough, but also be just right to the people around us. It’s funny how I can be both too energetic but also kinda silent and boring depending on who you ask. It’s contradictory to be very attractive and charismatic to my girlfriend but ugly af to another woman.

If we uphold our sense of self worth to others’ perceptions, we will constantly rely on other people’s validation. We will also put far too much legitimacy into people’s criticisms, jokes, and negative perceptions of you. If we uphold ourselves to societal norms (which only a small handful of us can fit into to a tee) we feel inadequate and worthless if we don’t fit in.

To be confident in yourself, you need to validate, love, and respect yourself. You need to hold the power to uplift yourself and hold your beliefs of your worth over others’ expectations and criticisms. Improve for you, not for what people expect from you. You need to believe that you are enough for yourself because you have nothing to prove to the world around you.

#drvn30 #self improvement #confidence #self love #negative thoughts

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n30n-le0n · 2 years ago

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[He thinks you hate him. You never give him enough credit. He went through hell for you. And he thinks you don’t appreciate him. He thinks you didn’t cry when it seemed you’d lost him.

All of it is further proof — it should’ve been you.

Donnie’s mind spews toxins at him from within. Every deep dark thought that’s been swirling around in the recesses of his mind jolts to the forefront, hitting every vulnerable spot he keeps so carefully hidden. Tears spring to Donnie’s eyes as the words tumble frantically out of his mouth.]

Leo, none of that is true. I don’t hate you. I — I love you, brother. And I know I don’t say it enough; I know I’m not good at showing it. I just…it’s hard for me. I’m not like you and Raph and Mikey —

[And suddenly Leo is backing off. He looks terrified. More scared than Donnie’s ever seen him. Leo is yelling, whimpering, covering his face.

Donnie moves forward, just a bit.]

L-Leo? I’m okay.

[Liar.]

I’m right here. Leonardo, I’m fine, look! The krang didn’t hurt me. I’m okay because of you.

[Out of nowhere, Leo lets out a guttural scream and goes right back to attacking.

Donnie’s too busy dodging each swipe of Leo’s swords to actually fight back. It’s overwhelming and drowns out any other thoughts. He has one objective — don’t get killed.

Dodge. Back away. Stay alive.

A katana slices through the air, barely missing Donnie’s throat. The other very nearly hacks off his arm, instead leaving a small, stinging cut on his bicep, which immediately begins to ooze blood.]

AH!

[He trips and falls backward. His staff flies out of his hand and rolls just out of reach. Donnie is left staring up at Leo, clutching his arm. Terrified tears prick at his eyes.]

LEO!! Leo, don’t! Please!! …I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…

[Death by incompetence in a fight against his own brother, Donnie thinks cynically, somewhere beyond the paralyzing dread that inhabits most of his brain. …Typical.

He’s not sure what specifically he’s apologizing for, but he knows it’s his fault. It has to be. It always is.]

[His katanas sang through the air, the sharp edges promising pain and destruction to anyone who dared step in front of them. Leo could feel the blows connecting--could feel the force of it reverberating through his hands, up his arms that he was fighting to keep steady in that moment--and yet the Krang just kept laughing. It just kept laughing, baring its teeth in his face and waving its twisted version of Donnie around, and when it spoke it was with Donnie's voice, warped and distorted nearly beyond recognition.

DuMb, StUpId LiTtLe LeO. aLl AlOnE. yOu'Re NotHiNg WiThOuT uS. yOu'Re A dIsSaPoInTmEnT. i WiSh yOu WeRe nEvEr My TwIn. YoU'rE gOiNg To DiE aLoNe, AnD iT's AlL yOuR fAuLt. NoT gOoD eNoUgH fOr fUtUrE bOy, nOt GoOd EnOuGh FoR aNyBoDy!

He could hear Casey's words in that moment. Taunting him. Mocking him.

The world needs Master Leonardo, and all we've got is this guy--]

SHUT UP. SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, STOP MOCKING ME--

[Leo's arms were aching from swinging his swords in such wild, frantic arcs, but he couldn't stop. He couldn't stop. If he stopped now, he was lost. If he stopped now, he'd failed again, and he couldn't face his family like that, he couldn't--

What did he care if the enemy was surrendering now? What did he care that the Krang was now at his mercy, instead of the other way around? None of it mattered. He was still the failure. Still the disappointment. Still the one who had caused the fucking apocalypse in some alternate timeline because he couldn't swallow his goddamn PRIDE for five fucking seconds and just admit that he was in the wrong about something, and it had nearly happened here too, and he just knew that his entire family was judging him for it. Laughing at him behind his back. Nothing would get better until he was allowed to make up for his mistakes. Nothing would get better until he fucking slaughtered everyone responsible for this mess. Until he tore himself apart trying to be better.

His expression was utterly cold as he stepped up to Donnie, mouth twisting even further into a feral snarl as he raised his katana to deliver the finishing blow--

Leo, don't, please, I'm sorry--

....That was Donnie's voice. But Donnie had been captured and....and....no, no, this was all wrong, why did his twin sound so panicked, why--

The grip on his swords faltered. Leo blinked once, twice, his chest heaving in a shaky exhale. Sensations came back to him slowly. He wasn't in the prison dimension, with the Krang looming over him, with a corrupted version of Donnie mocking him. He was in the training hall, and Donnie was bleeding, and he had his fucking katana pointed almost directly at his twin's throat.

He blinked again. Took a minute to process the information. And then his eyes widened in horror once he realized.

Donnie was bleeding. He had his sword at Donnie's throat.]

No. No nonononono--

[Leo practically hurled his katanas away in a blind panic, not even caring where they ended up, not even caring that his breath was coming in harsh pants and more tears were welling in his vision as he dropped to his knees, as his panicked gaze flitted over Donnie's wounds. He'd....he'd had a flashback in the middle of sparring, something that should have come as easily as breathing to him. The worst one he'd had yet. He'd forgotten where he was, he....he'd tried to kill his own fucking twin.

And Donnie had heard every word he said, he'd....he'd said things that he'd desperately tried to keep hidden because his family didn't have a right to be worried about him, and now his twin was bleeding everywhere because of him.

You've ruined EVERYTHING--

It was all his fault. It was all his fault. He ruined everything he touched, Donnie hated him now, it--]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry, don't hate me, please don't, I'm sorry I'm sorry I--

[He should have been doing something. Reassuring Donnie. Stopping the bleeding. Calling for help. Something. Anything. But he couldn't stop sitting there and babbling. Like a failure. Like a weakling.

Pathetic.

Leo curled in on himself then, his breathing coming in harsh pants, his eyes glazed over in panic as he continued to babble.]

I didn't mean to, I didn't MEAN to, it was an ACCIDENT, I didn't.....don't hate me, please, don't leave, I'm SORRY, I--

[He wasn’t getting anywhere with this. Leo was intelligent enough to know that much.

He’d been training for what felt like hours, and it had been months since the Krang invasion, and yet his arms still felt stiff and leaden whenever he tried to swing them through the various stances and techniques that he’d been taught from a young age. Sure, okay, if pressed hard enough he might admit that he may have been overdoing it a tad, swinging his swords around with all the intensity of a grease fire and leaving himself far too many openings for a potential enemy to take advantage of—rather than falling into the careful, practiced techniques he’d been taught—but Leo couldn’t afford to quit now. It wasn’t good enough yet. He had to be good enough. He had to start taking his leadership duties seriously, before another member of his family got hurt or the Krang came back or an even worse enemy popped up, he had to—

WIPE THAT GRIN OFF YOUR FACE.

The words came to Leo completely unbidden, causing his hands to shake and his grip on the swords to loosen so much that he had to fumble to catch them before they buried themselves into the floor of the training hall. He had to be better. It wasn’t about him anymore. It was about the safety of his family—Raph getting fucking possessed because of you, Donnie having to hard-wire himself into a fucking alien ship, Mikey damaging his hands creating a fucking PORTAL to pull you out, they’re all better off without you—it was about being a better son and leader, it was even about living up to the standards of future him. Or at least a version of future him. Casey’s words back then had been like knives stabbed into his heart, and he.....he had to be better.

But how could he be better, when he was still having fucking nightmares almost every single night, when every dark shadow within the lair had him flinching away from it and instinctively reaching for his swords, when teleporting anywhere almost made him want to vomit, when even months after the fact he still couldn’t stand to be on his own for long periods of time and couldn’t stand any sudden weight being pressed against his shell and couldn’t—

Heaving out a sigh and swiping the sweat from his eyes, Leo almost snapped to fearful attention at the sound of footsteps nearby, his swords half-snapping into a battle stance as he turned before Donnie’s familiar form came into view—

Idiot, it’s only your brother, why the hell are you being so jumpy, don’t think about the way his body just plummeted when the Krang punched him off of that building, don’t think about how he probably didn’t even shed a tear when you trapped yourself up there—

It was almost scarily easy to shift into a more neutral position then, letting the old cocky smile slide back onto his face as he leaned against his sword like he didn’t feel about five seconds away from imploding under all the pressure. He had no idea if Donnie knew the full extent of what he was going through—of course Donnie probably had an inkling, the two of them being twins and whatnot—but Leo was determined to keep it that way. If he acted like all was well, maybe he could keep Donnie at arm’s length for that much longer. Maybe he could actually start feeling better, instead of just saying that he was.]

‘Sup, Don-tron? Here to get a piece of the action? Come on, I’ve been sparring by myself all afternoon, I could use the practice against an actual opponent.

[An easy twirl of his blades around in his hands, trying to ignore how his stomach twisted at the thought of having to raise them against another one of his brothers, and then he continued.]

Promise I’ll go easy on you.

@purplegenius90000

#rottmnt rp #leonardo hamato #roleplay blog #closed rp

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exalok · 2 years ago

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A Spoonful of Cherry Jam

Corvo doesn't think he's thinking about it until he walks into the repair shop again, sees Daud in his overalls with the motor oil rag in the back pocket, and the part of his brain that first latched on to the sight of a buff, grizzled mechanic yells this guy hasn't fucked across the entire forefront of his brain. If not for the panicked rush of being very visibly standing right in the open garage door, and for the fact that he isn't twenty anymore, he might have had to deal with more than a reluctant stiffie when the thought hit. Oh shit. As it is, he nearly turns right back around and leaves. Oh shit, I might be into that.

i wrote some modern AU corvodaud connected to one of my peachtober ficlets (specifically, "snow") and it acquired some virginity kink and old men being surprised by their own emotions

silly jokes! two guys having a fun sexy time! the love language of food!

/takes a bow and scuttles out

#dishonored #corvodaud #writins

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sunmoonandeddie · 4 years ago

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feelings are fatal (19/24)

pairing: bucky barnes x reader, past steve rogers x reader

word count: 3,667

summary: After the events of Endgame, you struggle to come to terms with what you’ve lost, though you’re learning that you still have something to gain.

chapter warnings: swearing, violence, slight smut maybe??, soldat makes an appearance

masterlist

a/n: This is part THREE of my blog birthday surprise!

It had been two weeks.

Two of the hardest weeks that Bucky had ever experienced in his entire life.

Two weeks without hearing your voice.

Two weeks without seeing you smile.

Two weeks without feeling the way your hand would slip into his when no one else was looking—and even when they were sometimes—and give a gentle squeeze, reassuring him that you were there.

And you weren’t going anywhere.

But he hadn’t had it for two weeks and he felt like he was going to fall apart at the seams. It had been a lot of fits of rage that turned into all-encompassing breakdowns that would leave him dehydrated and exhausted.

His nightmares were worse than they had ever been before.

He hadn’t slept since you’d been gone.

Fuck, the first thing he was gonna do once he had you back was curl up in bed with you and sleep for a year.

Bucky sighed as he sat outside the conference room where all of the planning had been taking place, letting his head fall into his hands. He wasn’t allowed inside. Too emotionally unstable to have a level head, which is what was needed most right now.

But everyone knew there was no way in Hell he wasn’t gonna be part of the team that went to save you. He’d kill every mother fucker that got in his way, that had helped take you in the first place.

Pulling out his phone, his heart constricted as he saw your sleepy face on his lockscreen. You’d been curled up on the couch, wearing one of his hoodies and a pair of pink fuzzy socks with little red hearts. Your little snores had been absolutely adorable, your knees pulled up to your chest.

When he’d woken you up, shaking you carefully with whispers of a milkshake he’d gotten for you, you’d blinked up at him, almost like you weren’t sure who he was.

And then that beautiful smile had spread over your face.

God, anytime he thought about your little, “For me?” his heart was ready to burst.

He’d snapped a photo, which had immediately resulted in you launching yourself at him with squeals for him to delete it.

Which, of course, he didn’t.

He’d give anything to go back to that day and insist that you guys didn’t go on the field trip.

Well, if Hydra had done anything, they’d successfully ruined one of his favorite places in the entire world.

“Hey,” Sam said as he came out of the conference room. “We think we’ve got a hit.”

Bucky leapt to his feet and rushed into the room after him. “Where is she?! What did you find?!”

“There’s a base in Canada that we thought was abandoned,” he explained as he showed him the map of the general area. “It’s small, but heavily armed.”

Everyone around them was already making plans, making a strategy of how they were going to get you out of there and bring you home.

But Bucky knew there was only one way to guarantee you came back.

“Sam, I have a favor to ask of you.” He was sure his heart was going to break his ribs from how hard it was beating as he led the man out of the room, away from listening ears. “I… When I went to Wakanda and I got the words taken out of my head… I asked Shuri to put in a different set.”

The way Sam’s heart dropped was… extremely visible. He could see it in his deep brown eyes. “What the hell do you mean, man? You… I thought the Winter Soldier was out of your head and all that.”

“He is. Mostly,” Bucky explained. Running his fingers through his hair—fuck, he needed a haircut—he took in a deep breath. “I got words put back in with the intention of only giving them to her… In case she needed the Soldat’s protection. We both know that while I’m tough, the Soldat is a machine. And he’d do anything to protect her.”

His best friend stared at him long and hard, his eyes narrowed. “You want me to unleash the Soldat in order to save her. Do you really think that’s the best way?”

“I do,” he said quietly. “Especially because the loyalty to Hydra is not longer in my brain. All that’s there is loyalty to my friends, my family. I won’t hurt any of you.”

Sam swallowed around the lump in his throat, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “And you really think this is the right way?” He asked quietly.

Bucky’s throat was dry as the Sahara as he nodded, both hands trembling. “I’ll give you the words. I don’t want to use them until we’re almost to the base, okay? I don’t want the Soldat to be around Morgan again, even if he wouldn’t hurt her.”

Sam grabbed his hand and squeezed it tight. “Hey. I’ve got your back. And if you believe that this is the best way to save her, then I trust you. I’ll always trust you.”

The Soldat sighed, exhaustion weighing down his bones as he walked down the halls of the Red Room. The mission he’d been on had been quick, but he hadn’t been able to sleep in two days because of it.

All he wanted was his bed.

But no, he had to head to the Red Room to train the little brat.

The little brat being you.

If he was being honest with himself, you weren’t a brat, not really. He was just tired and ready to collapse at any moment, but it wasn’t your fault. You were just a kid.

Well, fifteen. But that was still a kid.

His brows furrowed when he stepped into the training room that he always met you in and found you lying on your back on the mat, staring straight up at the ceiling. What was going on?

You shifted a little, your knee bending so your bare foot was flat on the floor.

He couldn’t help the wince when he saw how banged up your feet were.

The life of a ballerina.

To be fair, he’d seen a lot of fucked up feet since he had started to train girls in the Red Room, but he’d never get used to it. The blood and the half-ripped off toenails and just… Ugh.

Anytime he thought about it, it sent a shudder down his spine. He hated it. He hated feet.

Who would’ve thought that the fearsome Soldat would get freaked out by feet?

You didn’t acknowledge his presence as he got closer, even as his heavy boots sunk into the soft, squishy mat beside your head. But your eyes flickered open as he peered down at you and said your name. “Yes?”

“What are you doing?”

“Laying down.”

“I can see that.”

“Then why did you ask what I’m doing?”

The Soldat rolled his eyes at the impish grin that was spreading over your face. How had it come to be that you could give him shit when no one else could? If anyone else gave him the sass and attitude that you gave him, they’d be six feet under.

But not you.

What made you so special?

“Come on,” you said as you leaned up to tug on his metal hand. “Lay down. It’s nice.”

“But…” He glanced towards the open doors that led into the training room, before being brought back by the tug of your hand again. What could he do except give in when you were giving him those puppy eyes? “Okay,” he said as he slowly sunk to his knees before moving to lie down beside you, leaving ample space. The hunk of a man stared up at the ceiling for what felt like forever, before asking, “So what is this supposed to accomplish?”

“A moment of rest.”

Oh. Huh. He hadn’t… had one of those. In a long time. Anytime he was done with a mission and he wasn’t training, it was back into cryo.

“Okay.”

Your head turned to look at him, a gentle smile gracing your lips. “It’s nice, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” he said, smiling for the first time in what felt like a century. “It is.”

Bucky took a breath as he looked out the front windows of the quinjet. They were coming up on the base pretty soon, and he knew what that meant.

It was time.

Everyone had been briefed on what was about to go down, and even if they weren’t sure about it being the best course of action, they weren’t going to stop him. Not when it came to you.

“Sam?” He said softly, looking back at the man who was already waiting for him towards the back of the aircraft.

“I’m here,” he said reassuringly, holding the scrap of paper that Bucky had written them down on for him. “Are you ready?” He asked once he’d joined him.

“As I’ll ever be.”

There was a heavy pause between them, before Sam looked down at the paper and began to read. “Fifteen.”

It felt like the weight of the world was on Bucky’s shoulders.

“Sleeping Beauty.”

He couldn’t fuck this up. He had to get you back.

“Midnight.”

Oh, god, he could feel it coming.

“Sweetness.”

His brain was beginning to shift, beginning to take another form.

“Five.”

The Soldat was beginning to awaken inside of him.

“Warmth.”

This was the best way to save you, to ensure that they didn’t leave the base without you.

“Moonlight.”

He could feel the Soldat’s feelings mixing with his own, the rage and the worry, specifically for you.

“City.”

At the forefront was the demand to know where you were, to have you safe in his arms.

“Sundress.”

Bucky could feel himself falling asleep as the Soldat was taking over, like he was just about to take a nap.

“Plush.”

The Soldat scowled as he looked around. “Where is my malen’kaya?” He asked sharply, somehow knowing that English was the proper language to use at the moment.

“We’re going to get her. And we need your help,” Sam said, catching his attention. “Hydra took her. So we have to save her.”

Everything else in the world lost all meaning as soon as the Soldat heard him. “Where is Natalia? She was meant to protect her! That’s why I got her to get her out!”

Wanda swallowed thickly as she stepped forward. “Natasha died. A few months ago.” Her fingers were fiddling with nervous energy, red swirling around the tips. “She died protecting her.”

It was close enough to the truth.

His spine straightened, his jaw clenching. “Then I will be the one to protect her again.” The Asset looked around, looking each of them in the eyes. “Stay out of my way.”

None of them planned to get in the way in the first place, but they knew he wouldn’t have known that.

As soon as the quinjet landed and the ramp was down, he was off, storming into the base. He left a trail of bodies in his wake as he searched for the one person that had meant anything to him.

And that was when he saw her.

Madame B.

And oh, did he have a score to settle with her.

“Soldat! How kind of you to finally join us,” she said with a cold smile, and he tensed up as you were suddenly dragged out of a cell to his left and shoved to your knees. “We’ve been waiting for you. Though… We did think it would take a little less time for you to find us.”

You looked up at him with those beautiful eyes he loved so much, and he was hit with how much older you were from the last time he’d really gotten to see you.

You were so gorgeous. It was like you got better looking everyday.

“Malen’kaya,” he breathed out, blue eyes wide as his heart pounded inside his chest.

“Soldat! Soldat, get out of here!” You cried out, tears rolling down your soft cheeks. “She’s going to kill you! RUN!”

But he stood his ground, pushing his shoulders back and holding his head high. He didn’t know what had happened to him, but he couldn’t feel that unwavering loyalty to his former captors anymore, and that was just fine with him. “No. No more running,” he said sternly, keeping his eyes on Madame B. “No more being afraid.”

It hurt him to see the tears that were streaming down your face, to see the panic that his words sent you into.

But he couldn’t keep running away. If he did, then you would just be hurt again later on. They’d keep coming after the two of you, and he was done. He was done with the hiding and the running and the being afraid. He wanted to spend his life with you.

He wanted to be able to hold your hand out in public and know that you were safe. That no one was going to snatch you away from him until he’d completed yet another mission.

“Soldat… Soldat, no!” You begged, your body shaking as you stayed on your knees. A pitiful whimper escaped your lips as the Madame cocked a gun and held it to your temple, the metal cold against your skin. “Please… Please, run. D-Don’t watch this.” You couldn’t stand the thought of the Soldat—and by extension, Bucky—watching you die.

And that was certainly Madame B’s plan. Now that she’d drawn him in by holding you hostage, she’d kill you, and Hydra would have their greatest weapon back.

Their Asset.

“Wait!” The Soldat called out, causing the older woman to freeze in her tracks. “Take me instead.”

“What?! NO!” You screeched, thrashing against her hold. “SOLDAT! JAMES! NO!” You were beginning to panic, your breathing coming heavier and heavier.

Fuck, you looked so much smaller than when he’d last seen you, even if you did look older. They'd been keeping food from you.

“I will go with you willingly if you let her live,” he said calmly, keeping his eyes locked on hers.

“Oh, really?” She drawled, glaring at him coldly. “You give me your word?”

“I give you my word.”

He just needed to get you away from her for just a split second. He needed to get that gun to be… not pointed at your head.

He could work with that.

It happened in a split second. Madame B’s hand holding the gun shifted, the gun now pointed towards your legs.

The Soldat had been holding a knife just out of her view and threw it, letting out a sigh of relief as it met its intended mark.

Deep in Madame B’s throat.

Blood had splattered all over the back of your head as the older woman sunk to her knees, the light leaving her eyes.

The look of shock that was plastered across his face worried him. You looked frozen, paralyzed out of fear.

“Malen’kaya?” He whispered, moving to kneel in front of you.

You took in a shuddering breath, your eyes refocusing. “S-Soldat? You’re here?” You asked, fingers shaking as you reached up to touch his cheek. “I… How?”

“I don’t know,” he murmured quietly, cupping your face in both of his hands, both flesh and vibranium. “I don’t know, but I’m here. And I’m not leaving until you’re home safe.”

You didn’t want him to leave, but you wanted Bucky, too.

You were just so confused. The words had been taken out of his head, the programming.

The super soldier didn’t hesitate to scoop you up, cradling you close to his chest as he carried you out of the base.

He hadn’t left a single Hydra agent alive, and that’s how he liked it.

The only good Hydra agent was a dead Hydra agent.

Your eyes were locked on his face as he carried you to the quinjet, where most of your little found family was waiting.

They all rushed to you, finally letting the tears out as they welcomed you back into their arms. At least, until the Soldat growled out a warning and they gave you some space.

“I thought I’d never see you again,” you breathed out as he set you on his lap with a bottle of water, taking small sips. His strong arms had locked around you almost immediately, ensuring that you were stable in his lap.

And that no one could take you from him again.

“It’s okay,” Soldat said as his vibranium hand rubbed up and down your arm, soothing you. “Rest… You need to rest and eat and drink. Questions later. Hard stuff… later.”

The Soldat knew he wasn’t staying. He couldn’t.

He’d been brought out for this specific mission, to rescue the person he cared about more than anything, and he’d succeeded.

It had been an honor, knowing that these people trusted him to bring you home.

Maybe he wasn’t as bad as he’d been led to believe.

Or maybe… Maybe you made him good, somewhere along the line.

And maybe that was the best he could’ve ever hoped for.

When they made it back to the Compound, some part of him knew the way to the medbay, and he took you straight there.

“How did this happen?” You asked, your eyes sliding up to where Sam was lingering in the doorway.

“Bucky… made a plan,” he said as he took a few steps closer, though he kept a wide berth.

Even the doctor that was looking you over kept casting wary glances to the hulking man sitting next to the hospital bed, holding your hand.

“A plan? What kind of plan?”

Bucky had done something to make sure the Winter Soldier was able to come back? But that sounded like his worst nightmare…

Sam glanced at the Soldat, before moving to the end of your bed and holding onto the plastic footboard. “He had them take out the old trigger… activation words or whatever, and had them put in new ones that only he knew,” he said. “On the off chance that you would need the Soldat.”

“He… He did that for me?” You looked up at your Soldat, the man who had protected you, who had cared for you and ensured your survival. His existence hurt Bucky. He was a part of him that he had been desperate to get rid of.

And he’d left a part of him inside, and provided a way to bring him back just in case you needed him.

The Soldat gave you a weak smile as he caressed your cheek.

It was so strange. Even though he had Bucky’s looks, his new haircut and the stubble, the lack of blood or dirt or something covering his face, it was very clearly the Soldat.

“I cannot stay,” he said quietly, bringing your hand to his lips and kissing each of your knuckles. “I wish I could, malen’kaya… But we both know that our time has passed. If I have to come back, you and… Bucky know how to bring me out.”

“But… But…”

He shook his head, taking in a deep breath. “Everything is alright. You are safe. Hydra will never come after you again, especially if they know what’s good for them.” The hand holding yours was trembling, but he kept his eyes on your face. “And I… I am safe. They can’t hurt me anymore, thanks to you and this… Bucky.”

Your eyes burned as you pushed yourself into a sitting position, being careful with the IV that had been inserted into your arm. “I love you,” you said, pressing your forehead to his. “I love you so much.”

“And I love you,” he said breathlessly. “But… Malen’kaya, don’t let the past hold you back from the future. I… Those that hurt you in the past don’t matter anymore. You are stronger than what happened to you.” He held your hand a little tighter. “Do you understand me, malen’kaya? You are stronger than what has happened to you.”

“I understand.”

“Good,” he said, his lips pressing to your forehead. “You will live a long life. A long, long happy life. You have suffered for so long, but that’s over. The time of suffering has passed, and you get to be happy.”

Panic was overwhelming you. “But what about you? Don’t you get to be happy?”

“Yes, I do,” he said, a smile spreading over his lips. “Malen’kaya… I never knew peace until you. I found little moments of happiness when I was with you, in that training room…” The man’s forehead rested against yours, your noses nudging. “You gave me peace. And feelings. They couldn’t wipe you from my brain completely, no matter how hard they tried.” He let out a slow breath, his fingers massaging your scalp. “You rescued me. You are my savior. And now…” He was so warm, like a furnace, and you just wanted to curl up against him forever. “Now I can rest.” The Soldat tenderly pressed his lips to yours.

Possibly the first and only kiss you’d ever share with him.

It was… It was sweet and gentle and loving. Years of unspoken feelings, of the longing stares and lingering touches while in that horrible room, of the wild look in his eyes anytime someone dared to hurt you.

It was overwhelming and beautiful and fuck, you wanted more.

But he was right. The time you two had together was over. The Soldat’s time was over.

He could rest, and that’s all you had ever wanted for him.

As he broke the kiss, he slowly laid you back against the pillows of your hotel bed. “Sleep. I’ll be gone when you wake, but… Bucky will be here.”

Bucky.

Jamie.

Those that hurt you in the past don’t matter anymore.

And your Jamie… Your Jamie had never hurt you.

Maybe you could rest, too. You could have a life.

One with him in it.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n

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starglitterz · 3 years ago

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i have like the barest skeleton of an idea in my brain rn but i am literally Thinking... what if royal au story where ur the heir of a kingdom falling into destruction and youre sent to the nearest neighbouring kingdom to preserve ur bloodline etc etc and u end up getting engaged to prince ayato, but tbh u have no interest in marrying a man youve never met to be a monarch who just sits still and looks pretty while he gets to be on the forefront of all the decisionmaking but you know u dont rlly have a choice but you still can't help but dream,,, and then one day you meet the second daughter of the kamisatos and holy fuck she's so pretty wtf is she actually GLOWING omfg there's no way ur falling in love whATTT ur whole thing is like murder. death. revenge on those who ruined your kingdom etc etc. but suddenly she's inviting you over for tea sessions in her private wing of the castle and teaching you all the specific etiquette they have in inazuma which differs from liyue and you find yourself opening up to her about everything even though you try to stop yourself but shes such a good listener and her eyes are stunning and oh no did u accidentally say that last part out loud?!?!??!

no bc do you guys GET THE VISION. like opposing royalcore aesthetics where ur the sad destroyed heir but ayaka is the one in the lap of luxury with no real happiness and yet somehow you manage to be the yin and yang to each other and fill up all those empty spaces with affection that you both pretend is platonic but it really isn't and it's just like mutual pining with a hint of angst bc its the type of thing that wouldnt be accepted... but with ayato in the throne maybe it could be :eyes: ?! and then it's also added flavour of the 'ik we're eventually going to separate so let me kiss u like it's the last time every time' and potential eloping and just ARGHHHH im going to rotate this in my brain as if its a freaking microwave forever!!!!!! please brainrot w me abt this !!!!!!!!!!!!!

#me vs randomly falling for ayaka #im in my 'i love women' era multiplied by 10 im seriously considering making 'devil in disguise' a hu tao fic HAHWKJDKJASKJD #🌌 — brainrot !#✨ — quill screaming !

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ramblesanddragons · 3 years ago

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Love Who You Want

(I wanted to post this yesterday but...anyway here is something short and sweet for the Sea Grunkle’s birthdays and Pride month. I haven’t had the energy to write the past few weeks but I really wanted to write this one. There’s probably more to come but later. )

The pub wasn’t crowded. It had a steady flow of patrons in and out but not too many. An old record player in the back corner provided a bit of music to fill in any quiet moments that might occur. It was nice. Ford preferred the solitude of the boat but this wasn’t so much that he couldn’t relax. Stan was correct in his thinking that the two of them needed some social time. Well it was more of a need for Stan than Ford but he was having a good time anyway.

While Ford nursed his drink and went over some of his notes he could hear Stan by the darts. He was playing with a few other men while telling them about some of their more believable exploits. One man in particular with salt and pepper hair and deep set laugh lines sat attentively listening. Stan was giving this guy extra attention, his eye contact never strayed from him too long and he was telling all of his worse jokes. Ford smiled at his brother’s antics; he knew him well enough by now to tell he was flirting with the man. Boy he was glad the Stan of War had two separate rooms on nights like this. Finishing his drink up he pulled out his wallet to head back to the ship so Stan could have some fun. Before he could pay Stan appeared at his side and slumped onto the stool. Craning his neck back Ford could see the man Stan had been flirting with staring into his drink with disappointment. His brother ordered a whiskey and shot it back then clapped Ford on the back.

“Alright back to the old boat.”

Ford may have been apart from Stan for a while but the past few months had retaught him a lot about his brother. Specifically how he would put on a brave face when hurt. Currently his brother was very hurt. Had the man insulted Stan or turned him down? That didn't sit right with Ford, his brother was a great guy!

“I’m fine here for a bit longer. What happened to darts?”

“Oh ya know ya hit the target enough times it gets boring.”

Okay. Direct approach then.

“What happened with that one gentleman you were talking with? I thought that was going well from the looks of things.”

He saw his brother swallow hard and his ears turned pink. “I mean yeah guy’s nice. Just swapped some stories and that’s it. Not much else to do with a guy. Nothing at all.”

Ford blinked a few times as his brain worked. A memory of the two of them on the Stan of War as teens reached the forefront of his mind. Stan confessing he was scared to death of the crush he had on the captain of the football team. “I think I’m broken Sixer. What if Pa finds out? What if he already knows and that’s why he hates me?!”

It had taken Ford all night to calm Stan down, constantly reminding him that he didn't care about who Stan loved and that Ma wouldn’t care either. His “problem” was fixed when Carla transferred into their class and he fell head over heels for her. It then occurred to Ford that Stan didn’t remember that night. Even now there were gaps in his memory. Pushing a new wave of guilt down Ford asked the barkeep for another round for the two of them. Guilt could happen later; he needed to help Stan now. After downing it Ford smiled. "You know I had the biggest crush on Fiddleford in college."

Stan choked on his whiskey. After a good minute of Stan trying to regain breathing capabilities he stared at Ford slack jawed. It wasn't often Ford was able to truly leave Stan speechless. "Oh come now. Are you that surprised?"

"No, I guess. You just never talked about uh romance and stuff. The only time you did it was with that Crenshaw girl," Stan muttered.

"I also had a crush on Mr. Wilson the Chemistry teacher. I was just too embarrassed to admit it," Ford said.

"Oh. Well why didn't you, ya know, get with him?"

"At some point I realized he was deeply in love with Emma May. I got over it. Besides it was something, like you, I tried to keep hidden. Stan, during my travels I've met many people of all sorts of gender expressions or lack thereof. If you were perhaps worried about what I might think, don't be."

Stan fiddled with his glass. He looked a lot less uncomfortable and after a moment even smiled. Then it evolved into laughter. "Wait, you've been with aliens? And you haven't told me?"

Now it was Ford's turn to go pink in the ears. " I really don't like to discuss such things. There weren't that many. Romantic companionship has never been high on my priority list."

Stan chortled a little more then sighed, "Pa would skin us alive if he knew."

"Our father was a homophbic and toxic individual. I used to be so ashamed but I've learned there's nothing to be ashamed of. This dimension isn't as progressive as it should be. Honestly the people of 3@46/ could teach us all a thing or two. While I was there..." Ford stopped and sighed. "Sorry. You don't need tangents you need...a wingman? "

"Sixer no offence but I think I can handle it. "

Confidence renewed, Stan stood and started to strut over to the guy by the dart board. He stopped before he got too far and turned back to Ford. "Hey. Thanks for...uh yeah."

"Nothing to thank me for. Later when we're back at this ship I'll be glad to talk about it some more. And if anyone ever gives you trouble about it they will have trouble with me!" Ford said triumphantly. He hadn't had a chance to be the protective older brother he should have been. Now was as good a time as any to start. Stan rolled his eyes good naturedly. After a deep breath he strode back over to the man with the salt and pepper hair, a charming smile on his face.

(I used to feel Aro/Ace for Ford but lately I’ve been thinking Pan and maybe Ace works too. Stan is Bi as the day is long lol)

#Gravity Falls #My writing #stanley pines #stanford pines

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dreamcatcherjiah · 4 years ago

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Part 9

💞Tight Hearts (Idol!Hoseok x Reader)

Plot: The red string of fate was visible when our grandparents were children. They would play around, following the strings from one person to their soulmate and laugh happily when these two people inevitably found each other. It was a reason for happiness. But little by little, people stopped seeing the threads. In bad times, it was dangerous, it was a liability, so people stopped seeing them to protect each other from harm. When I was born, nobody saw them anymore, they just felt their soulmate. Anxiety, happiness, sorrow, love, the hearts of the soulmates are one, feel the same things, but it is almost impossible to find your soulmate, now that the threads cannot be seen.

Tight Hearts Masterlist

Part 9

A/n: Here is part 9!!! With this part, I’ve come to realise that guilt does play a nice part in the creative process, lool. It’s taken me centuries to get to a point where I felt like writing at all, I can hardly believe I managed to take this chapter into the four thousand word mark! I hope you guys like it. It is not so much where I wanted it to be, but I’m getting there!

Love you guys and I missed you a lot!🖤

As consciousness was claiming you back, your heart settled in your chest with a feeling of contentment and happiness you hadn’t felt before. Hoseok’s arm was flung over your waist and his hand was moving against your spine in soft caresses. You hadn’t moved from the position you fell asleep in and, waking up but still with your eyes closed, you could feel his soft breath against your eyelashes. Your heart jumped in your chest as his arms tightened against you, snuggling you closer to his chest. With a smile, you slung your own arm over Hoseok’s ribcage and settled your head in against his throat. It wasn’t long before sleep claimed you again.

You heard Hoseok’s little yelp before you actually opened your eyes. He tensed for a second and tried prying his arm from under your neck. He was making small distressed noises trying not to wake you up but achieving totally the opposite; make you laugh. It started slow, as a small chuckle at the back of your throat that escalated into a full giggle when you opened your eyes and saw his startled expression. His eyes were open wide and his mouth was hanging open forming a heart-shaped half smile that began morphing into a full grin the longer you laughed. Instinctively, you tightened your arms around his torso and hid your face against his chest to try and calm yourself.

“And here I thought you were going to flip and send me flying from the bed,” he laughed, draping himself back around you and settling back in the bed with you in his arms.

“I haven’t felt happier than I am feeling now, I don’t ever want to let you go,” you whispered, more relaxed than you remembered ever being, letting out a calming sigh as you looked up at his smiling face, “I do know this feeling is the bond messing with our pheromones but I just don’t want it to end.”

His smile grew the biggest you had ever seen it and he dropped a kiss to your forehead. Laying back down on the bed, the both of you spent the morning talking about your lives, how you had started feeling each other through the bond at such an early age. Hoseok told you many things about his grandmother, how she had been the one to break the news of the bond to him when he was not older than two. He could still remember, he told you with a wistful smile, how the old woman would cuddle him to her chest and create new stories for him, how she would, as he grew older, talk about her meeting with Hoseok’s grandfather through the Red String of Fate.

“You must have been fascinated by those stories,” you whispered, while your hand absentmindedly drew patterns over his chest, with your head moving up and down as he drew breaths and exhaled, “I can just imagine a little Hobi smiling and listening to her telling him fairytales.”

He startled and turned his head so he could look at you. A small frown was present on his features and you wanted nothing more than touch it with your fingers and make it disappear.

“Well, not so much fairytales, since we know for a fact it is real, don’t you think?” That settled the mood into something more sombre than when you woke up. All the things, all the meetings and responsibilities waiting for you outside that room rushed to the forefront of both your minds and the blissfulness dulled to a warm sense of wellbeing around your heart. “I can’t believe how comfortable I feel with you, just like this. Do you think it has to do with us sleeping together?” He asked and you watched as his features morphed into mortification when he realised how the words that just left his lips may have sounded, “I only… I meant sleeping— as in, you know, just sleeping… no, hugging you in your sleep— wait, no, that sounds creepy… you know—.”

You giggled against his chest just as you had done that same morning as you woke up. He was an adorable mess when he was flustered.

“I do know what you mean,” you responded, deciding to take him out of his misery, “in fact, that’s what I wanted to tell you last night, but my brain was too fried to form a coherent thought.”

“Is your brain okay now?” He asked, looking intently at your head, as if the answer would somehow just jump out of it and he wouldn’t have to look you in the eye.

Pushing against his chest to get into a more comfortable position, you rested your head in your hand and watched as he changed his position, half laying, half sitting against he headboard with an arm supporting his head. His other arm, as if neither of you noticed, was still resting on your shoulder blade, drawing small patterns.

“My brain is much clearer now,” you smirked, “mind you, it still thinks you’re extremely hot and can’t stop thinking scenarios, but I can control it,” only seeing how red his ears got made you regret having spoken too freely. After all, you two were still strangers, you were a fan at that and that kind of comments were highly inappropriate in any sort of situation. “Too soon?” You asked, avoiding his eyes, which wasn’t too difficult to do as he was busy himself examining the pristine ceiling as if he would find a blemish there if he focused intently enough.

With a huff, he scoffed and tightened the hold of his arm around your shoulder. “No, it’s just— I think the bond is producing the same thoughts both ways…”

That sure was an effective way to shut you up. You left your head fall from where your hand was supporting it and felt how Hoseok’s heart hammered against his ribcage on your cheek as it lay on his chest. With the way he was behaving, you would have bet and lost on him not being as affected as you were by the bond. It was time you admitted that the bond went through both of you, it would be the fastest way to get used to it and stop feeling awkward every time something escaped your mind.

“Hey,” he called, lifting your face from its hiding place and placing another sweet kiss on your forehead, “I can feel you getting ashamed and I’m not going to let you, okay?” His eyes were completely focused on yours, no trace of that semi-permanent blush that had been there since your first meeting, “We’re in this together, we’re both learning and it’s gonna take it’s sweet time, but just think about it. One day, we’ll be comfortable together, it will feel as if it’s the most natural thing to wake up in each other’s arms, even if it doesn’t now, okay?”

“It does feel like the most natural thing in the world…” you whispered, too shy to voice your thoughts aloud.

“What does?” Hoseok asked, making his lips turn into a small pout with his confusion.

Battling your shame and feeling how your cheeks got hotter and hotter as the blood rushed around in your ears, you wondered what he would do if you lied, if you made something up, other than what you had actually said. His eyes were still wide open, looking straight at you, and maybe that was it, or maybe was the way his body fit perfectly with yours and how your always screaming rational side had chosen that specific moment to shut up and bask in the wellness your soulmate was radiating to you. It may have been a spur-of-the-moment thing, but you told him the absolute truth.

“Waking up in your arms,” you answered while looking him straight in the eyes.

They got even wider as his brain registered the new bombshell you had decided to drop on him and then, they traveled all over your face as if they were looking for any sign of you lying. Obviously, he couldn’t find a lie anywhere, everything you’d said was the pure, even if a bit embarrassing, truth. Then his eyes dropped to your lips and the temperature in the room rose to an unbearable extreme. Your heart, somehow dormant after the relaxing morning, did a somersault in your chest and started beating at an alarming speed, pumping blood to every crevice of your body, alerting you of every movement of your soulmate’s body, the way his breathing had also increased and he seemed unable to let go of you, bringing you closer and closer to him as the seconds ticked away. If you hadn’t been paying attention to him, you may have missed the way his pupils dilated and almost covered all the deep brown surrounding them, the way his mouth slightly opened as if the wind had been knocked out of him and the only thing he could do was try to breath. Your bodies were melting into the mattress, a mess of taut muscles and electric shocks, intertwined and beating in unison. In the back of your head you could feel a warning, something telling you that you would regret whatever happened if you gave yourselves to the bond. You would later thank him for his kindness in dealing with your messy feelings in the moment, but when his words were uttered, a frustrated sigh left your lips.

“Y/N…” he exhaled, his breath ghosting over your cheeks and sending a shiver down your spine, “Y/N, take a deep breath. Close your eyes, focus on…” his voice cracked and he cleared his throat, “breathing.”

Listening to his voice, you followed his instructions and turned your head away from his face. The situation had nearly gotten out of hand and you should thank your lucky stars he at least had kept some of his mind working, because the mortification that would have come out of such situation could have lasted for longer than you cared to admit. Both his hands were going up and down your back and he was whispering to himself to get his act together. You focused on his voice. Only his voice and rested your head on his shoulder looking away from him.

Little by little, sanity came back to you. As soon as Hoseok felt your uneasiness, his hold on you tightened and his hands stilled on your waist; he wouldn’t allow you to feel ashamed of what had happened. You could feel determination and affection coming out of him in waves and you decided right there and then that you would give back just as much.

“Let’s do something,” his voice, still affected, whispered into the shell of your ear, “we go at our own pace, okay? Let’s go with what it feels right for both of us.”

You smiled. Somehow he had voiced one of the hundred thoughts going around in your head: is this going too fast? He was right, you had to admit. What may be fast for the rest of the world, felt like a walk in the park for a pair of soulmates; the emotional connection was a given with the likes of you and, if the episode you experimented minutes before was anything to go by, the physical connection was there as well. The only thing missing was knowing him. Really knowing him. And he had gauged your reaction to him to perfection.

“We don’t have to answer to anyone else,” he kept saying, getting more and more relaxed, “as long as you and I are okay, then that’s all I want.”

Not needing an answer, he hugged you to his chest once more and kissed the crown of your head. He untangled himself from the mess of sheets and walked into the bathroom. It looked like the small bubble you had been enjoying most of the morning was about to burst. You rolled until your head was resting on Hoseok’s pillow and, with his scent surrounding you and overwhelming all your senses, you felt how your brain began to go back to normal. Something had clicked into place that night while you slept next to him. Your head, the rational you, that had been screaming bloody murder the prior night, completely refusing to loose its independence, had somehow recognised Hoseok as something good and essential to you. Your mind was now completely blank, not even registering the fact that Hoseok had moved away from you, the furthest you’d been since you met last night, and neither of you had even flinched.

You sat on the bed and stretched, your muscles relieving tension that had been building for years but that now was useless. Looking around, you saw your bag resting against a bookshelf next to the window and didn’t even think twice before getting up and going to get it. You were reaching down to lift it from the floor when the door to the bathroom opened and you pivoted only to see a still-wet Hoseok jumping on one foot as he tried to straighten his shirt with only one sock on.

“Oh! Are you okay?” You asked, worried he might have fallen in the shower and hurt himself or something, not even realising you would have felt or heard something if that was the case.

“I just—” he groaned as his knee nocked against the corner of the bed as he hastily approached you, “I was completely fine until I felt you moving away and I just… moved,” he looked incredibly confused, with his shirt now on and both socks in place, his hands were on his hips as his eyes shot daggers at the bed, “I didn’t even realise I could stand away from you until I could only think to get back to you.”

You smiled. The sweetness of his puzzlement moved you to the core. He was so fast to reassure you and yet, he walked on eggshells whenever he thought he might be overstepping his boundaries with you. Again, you were going to make sure he felt just how much you appreciated everything he had done for you since you met.

“Do you trust me?” You repeated your words from last night, making his head turn to you like lightning and his eyes analyse everything about you with a calculating focus that made you suddenly realise how intimidating it was to be the sole focus of Jhope’s attention. Carefully, he nodded but still his eyes didn’t stray away from you.

Without even thinking, you travelled the length of the room in two strides and threw your arms around is waist, your ear right above his heart and your hands resting lightly on his back. The sudden wave of euphoria you were expecting didn’t come, just like a mere shudder of warm honey bathing your skin, the familiarity that was already Hoseok didn’t phase you a bit. He chuckled and drove his arms around you as well, his hand caressing your hair and settling there, basking in the feeling of being together.

“It doesn’t feel invasive now, does it?” You asked, your bodies swaying side to side, “like you said before, our own time, Hoseok.”

“I love it when you say my name like that,” his voice sounded less affected than you’d ever heard it, you were wondering. He followed, “do you want to shower before breakfast? We’re supposed to be at BigHit in three hours, how do you feel about brunch?” If the mention of the impending meeting at his company phased you before, it didn’t even register as something negative in your mind now. He’d be with you.

“I think I’ll grab a shower before we leave, it’s a bit warm in here and I don’t want to shower twice if I sweat…” he nodded, tapping your head with his chin in the process, “and brunch sounds heavenly! I’m quite a bit hungry.”

As if on queue, both your stomachs growled at the same time, prompting the both of you into yet another round of giggles. If your future was going to be anything like this first morning, you were ready to laugh next to this man.

The kitchen was in pristine condition. If you didn’t know for a fact that seven men lived in the apartment you could have sworn that kitchen just came out of an IKEA catalogue. You sat on one of the chairs while Hoseok moved about between cupboards and counters. He was making salad and pulling huge containers out of the freezer. Cutting some kimchi and preparing some rice. If your calculations were right, that was too much food for only two people, but it was his house, his kitchen and his food, you weren’t about to contradict him. Maybe you could finish all that food, you were nearly starving after all.

So focused you were on ogling how he moved about the kitchen, with his hair getting fluffier as it dried, that you didn’t notice the sound of feet approaching the kitchen or some chairs being occupied next to you. You were forced out of your daydreaming by someone cleaning their throat to your right.

Turning in your seat, you were startled to find Kim Namjoon sitting next to you, his elbow on the table and his chin resting on his hand, imitating your same position. Were you really looking at Hoseok looking like that? Mortifination, here I come, you thought.

“How are you feeling this fine morning, miss Y/N?” He asked. He didn’t seem to be joking, even if his words may look like it, his eyes were serious and he sat, patiently waiting for you to answer. Looking around the kitchen, you noticed that Seokjin and Yoongi had also entered the kitchen and were busy pretending not to be paying attention at your conversation with Namjoon while preparing coffee and some kind of omelet. Hoseok wasn’t even being subtle at it and just smiled at you encouragingly only to turn and scoop a good amount of rice into a pink bowl. With a slight tilt of your head, you greeted them, thinking that introductions were long overdue but not knowing how get them out of the way without looking awkward. You decided to hold onto the lifeline Namjoon had thrown you and, looking back to him and finding him in the same position, smiled and answered his question.

“I am great, thank you very much,” your shaky smile turned into a genuine smile just as his did, and his dimples showed up, “Hoseok has been wonderful and I feel rested for the first time in years.”

A windshield boast of laughter interrupted the quiet calm of the kitchen as Seokjin threw his arm around hoseok and ruffled his hair.

“Did you all hear that? She calls him Hoseok and he’s been wonderful!” His laughter was contagious and even Yoongi ended up laughing along with the three of you as he settled in the chair across from yours. Hoseok brought over all the food and placed some of it under a small umbrella, for the little ones when they wake up, he told you. The four of you did a faster job of the food than you could have imagined. Apparently after Hoseok and you retired for the night, the rest of them had had a few celebratory drinks and had woken up hangover and hungry.

“It’s always like this, Y/N,” was telling you Yoongi, becoming quickly comfortable with you as Hoseok found more and more in common between the two of you, “we wake up early after we drink, make huge amounts of food and then, when the other three finish polishing up the plates, they clean. A nice symbiosis we’ve got here,” he finished, chuckling along with you at the image of the other three members of BTS finishing off the huge dishes the other four had set aside for them.

“Now, let’s talk business,” started Jin, after sharing a meaningful look with Namjoon, “what are we going to do with BigHit?”

Silence reigned in the kitchen then. You felt Hoseok tensing beside you and immediately relax. His feelings were a mess of nervousness, anticipation and apprehension, but on the outside he was calm and collected.

“Bang PD was okay with me having a soulmate, we’ll just go and talk to them, the PR team as well. But they should know things are changing. Y/N is here to stay,” he said as his hand got a hold of yours under the table. You had a feeling his brothers noticed but none of them did anything but nod at Hoseok’s words, as if taking it as fact.

“All of us will be there with you, of course,” was saying Namjoon, drinking his Americano with a metallic straw that reflected the light from the windows into your eyes. The whole thing looked just surreal to you, sitting in the kitchen table with Seokjin, Namjoon, Yoongi and your Soulmate Hoseok. How had your life turned into this? You wouldn’t know, “Y/N’s part of the family now. Someone will have to wake up Jimin, Tae and JK, but we’ll be ready to go when you guys are. I just need to know how many cars we’ll be needing to text Sejin.”

The other three seemed used to this complete 180 degree personality change, from the Namjoon who nearly stabbed his eye with the straw, to Kim Namjoon, RM, leader of BTS. You, on the other hand, were getting whiplash.

Sensing it, even before you did, Hoseok moved your hands from under the table and placed a light kiss on yours. His eyes connected with yours and as if he was speaking out loud for the whole house to hear, you heard his whisper: “This is normal, Y/N. I’m here, okay?”

You nodded. You just needed some time to get used to the new life thrown in front of you. You prided yourself in being a fast learner and quick to adapt to new situations. You would just have to floor it and get used to it faster.

As if you needed something else to get used to, just as Hoseok was lowering your hands back to the table, another pair of feet were heard entering the kitchen, followed by a sleepy Jimin, rubbing his face. His eyes glossed over the kitchen, seemingly taking notice of the people there and realising there was one too many.

“Hey Y/N, I’m very glad to see you looking alive again! I got very worried yesterday! I’m gonna like having you around! Please tell me there’s some mul-naengmyeon left!”

He examined the dishes as if nothing had happened wishfully ignorant to your wide eyes and the way your legs were hammering a whole into the marble floor. The older men were found in varying degrees of amusement at your nervousness, but all of them found it hilarious. It was Jin who, this time, took pity of you and smiling brightly, set a piece of kimchi in your spoonful of rice.

“That’s our Jiminnie for you, very excitable!”

Smiling, Hoseok pushed you up to your feet and reminded you to take that shower you were talking about earlier. He tidied up both your places on the table and, promising to come back quickly so you could leave for the company, he guided your shocked self back to his room. He stopped to check one on the rooms in the hallway, telling someone to get ready fast and to wake the maknae while they were still ahead of schedule, continuing later on his way. Once inside of his room, he produced a nice pair of jeans and a huge orange hoodie from one of the drawers and, putting them in your hands, gently guided you to the bathroom and smiled at you, closing the door behind you.

SOOO, WHAT DID YOU GUYS THINK? TOO FAST? TOO SLOW? SHOULD I RETIRE?🥴

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Love 💜🌙

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