#but there’s something so uniquely horrible about being in pain that you have no idea what it is or why it’s here or when it will come next

[curly-cottage-girl]

Thank you for the advice! <3 It’s nice to hear from someone else who has gone through it (even if in my case I don’t believe it to be anxiety. I sat through two IOP groups for anxiety and am still waking up with chest pain). I am getting a barium swallow tomorrow to check GI but it’s been really frustrating all along. I really appreciate you answering me. It feels very isolating and alienating dealing with chest pain for so long and not knowing what to do about it. I’m so glad that you are in a better place now! Really happy for you! I hope someday I can live without chest pain again too

Thank you anon! I’m glad you are continuing to seek treatment and answers. You deserve to feel better.

(Actually now that you mention it, there was a specific stressful point in my life several years ago where I would have the sharpest chest pain in between sleeping and waking up. It would lessen somewhat when I was fully awake, but I remember it being there right as I was starting to gain consciousness. Idk man, the mind/body connection is weird, and it took a long time for me to even start to tackle it. But I hope that you can find and heal whatever is causing yours! Just remember that you are definitely not alone with this <3)

[foldingfittedsheets]

A basic human skill that people usually lock down around the age of three or four is impulse control. To conceptualize an action and it’s consequences before taking it. Maybe considering how that action affects other people. We then refine it through most of our childhood.

When I was a teenager my hold on this ability became… tenuous. I became a volatile and dangerous creature.

It’s probably not unique to me, but I had a perfect storm in terms of mental upsets. I had just mastered enough basic social skills, so I finally had a strong group of friends when my dad suddenly needed to move for work. Ripped away from my support network, blooming with hormones, I was dragged to Arizona. I was always a child of forests and mist and suddenly everything was hot, dry, and extremely pointy and aggressive.

Additionally to being abruptly transplanted I found myself an object of affection in a way I’d never been before. Lonely and desperate to make friends the only people who wanted to spend time with me had romantic designs. I just wanted to figure out my shit but I had a baby lesbian flirting with increasing aggression in art, a soft boy making heart eyes at me in biology, a senior nerd asking if I wanted to play Halo at his house and could he hold my hand?

Reader, I snapped. I didn’t want this romantic attention but I also didn’t want to be alone. My brain coped the only way it knew how, by simply cutting out decision making. Any action was the right action to take.

It started with the boy in biology. I’d stolen his pencil out of mischief and to my overwhelming fury instead of trying to steal it back he just softened his eyes and chucked me gently under my chin, a gesture so overtly sweet and romantic that I saw red.

I stabbed him with his own pencil.

I honestly and truly have no memory of it. It happened as fast as a snake striking and I was instantly filled with terrified remorse. Unfortunately that manifested as psychotic giggling.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t- I don’t know why- I’m so sorry!” I said, while hysterically laughing. I ended up having lodged some graphite in his palm and had to tweeze it out with my nails while apologizing furiously. (It’s very important to note here that he forgave me and we’re still friends)

That was weird, I thought. Why didn’t I think before I stabbed someone?

The next event was equally catastrophic, and I had even less reason to do it. In gym with two girls I was tentatively befriending, we were warming up running laps. I started racing one of them. At breakneck speed we were sprinting around the gym.

This time, there was a blip of thought before I fucked up. I should get the other girl! I have no idea why or what the plan was but I turned on a swivel and body checked the other girl. We both fell down in immense pain. I think that’s the moment I broke my tailbone. Her knees were horribly bruised and she looked at me in bewildered pain. “Why did you do that?!”

I had no idea. I apologized and helped her up, both of us hobbling like newborn horses, bruised and hurting.

By this time there’d been enough social upheavals that I was reduced to spending time with some girls I had nothing in common with and low key disliked. Sat at a table listening to this girl talk about how she wanted to be a stripper when she grew up I thought, You’d better put the cap on before you throw it.

I then chucked my empty water bottle directly at her face. It bounced off her forehead with a bop! that would have made a sound mixer weep at its perfection.

All eyes turned to me is startlement. I stared back at her, stunned by my own action, just as confused as everyone else at the table as to why I’d done that. One of the girls to my right said, “Were you trying to hit that fly?”

“Yes!” I lied, “I’m sorry, I thought I could hit the fly!”

Everyone laughed at my antics and I joined in rather than admit I had just chucked something at her for no reason.

Things did start to improve after that. I solidified a friendship with the girl I’d raced (who I developed a massive crush on and ten years later would go on to date). My outbursts turned more whimsical rather than aggressive. Like accosting a girl leaving the cafeteria to look deeply into her eyes and say with great compassion, “It’s going to be alright.”

My new friend and I snuck into the van that delivered our cafeterias baked goods and lay giggling in the back. When I’d impulsively hopped in she’d joined me and made it a game.

After a year in Arizona I broke down crying to my mother, an act of great desperation, and we ended up moving back home. My impulse control returned to normal teenage levels and life resumed in a happier state of mind.

[writteninlunarlight-years]

Sorry this request might be a little weird; Im gonna try and word it best I can. Can you do something with Alastor and the reader, who very slowly and maybe unintentionally became friends; where Alastor confesses his feelings and how much he cares for the reader... But the reader doesnt take him seriously? The reader basically doesnt think he is actually interested in dating them. The reader thinks its a joke, he is just trying to use them, or otherwise just trying to get something out of them. Not in like a distrustful way either. The reader has the attitude of 'oh yeah. The great radio demon who has girls falling at his feet and can get ANYONE he wants is interested in me? Right, good one.' Like its a self-esteem/self-worth thing stopping them from believing him. Oh and this is for Hazbin Hotel obviously, but just in case I had to say it.

Please Please Please~

(This honestly was me projecting because this is me anytime someone shows interest in me. I have horrible self-esteem issues lol)

When you woke in hell, you thought nothing of it, really. You did some good, and you sure did some bad, so maybe this was exactly where you were always supposed to be. You had no anger or frustration about your placement because you simply couldn’t care enough. Heaven or hell, you probably would still be fighting for something. If anything, you hoped you would just fall asleep in death, but where would the fun in that be?

Upon your arrival, a few things became quite clear: 1. It was a dog-eat-dog world here in hell, so be prepared for anything. 2. The more souls you own, the more powerful you are, so start making some friends to make just as many enemies. 3. You will always be less powerful and popular than the TV head and the Radio Demon.

The only downside is you never got to meet this Radio Demon. He had been missing for seven years, according to the streets, and long gone, but still, he was the talk of countless women and men, especially Vox. This wasn’t a surprise, though; how people explained his rise to power was even more impressive and unique to you. He would one day be a formidable foe if you crossed him, or would he? The last extermination was killer. Half your souls had been killed off, and you were left a lot weaker from an injury caused by angelic steel. A slash was going straight across your back from a poorly-timed dodge. You weren’t bad at fighting; you weren't good at it either. Usually, during exterminations, you would hide at the Vee’s tower or another notable place. However, unsurprisingly, you were kicked out after your loud denial of working with the Vees. 

Seeking refuge at the next best place, you stumbled upon the Hazbin Hotel. Delirious and in pain, it was indeed just a stumble into the lobby. Upon entering, you saw an excited and concerned blonde chick, someone with a spear, and then all that was left was just red—beautiful crimson red. 

Some days had to have passed; you only know this because your wounds were wrapped up, and the calendar in the room you were placed in had days since the extermination marked off. Five days you spent asleep resting and recouping. Though your body was mainly healed, the scar you saw on your back when you stood was anything but attractive. Sighing, you sat on the cold bathroom floor.

You were never much of a beauty in your mind. You were just simply good enough. Sometimes, you could seduce a soul into your clutches, win a soul gambling, and sometimes gain one from fighting—a jack of all trades, master of none. Yet now, your value has significantly decreased with a giant scare running across the expanse of your back. Sighing, you stood once more and decided you would figure out where the hell you were and who was stupidly kind enough to help you.

With your top half fully bandaged, you didn’t think about putting on a shirt. The idea of anything rubbing on your wound annoyed you greatly. So, being mindful of potential others, you walked around carefully, ensuring your bandages were tight. Looking around, it was a reasonably average hotel. Nothing was too crazy about it; it just had some eerie decor at the most.

Rounding the last corner, you found stairs that opened up to the lobby, and dear lord, above did you wish you stayed in your room. A loud, cheerful presence came bombarding you, shouting a hundred questions about your health, your name, and what happened. You almost wanted to retreat into the shadows at how brightly she shone when you agreed to stay at her hotel and take a shot at redemption.

You met the residents quickly after that. It's not like you had much of a choice anyway. Surprisingly, the one you clicked with the most was the famed Alastor, the Radio Demon. How you two clicked was beyond everyone, besides the fact you were cunning and a silver tongue speaker like the man himself. Maybe that is why he found you amusing and watched you work your magic on lulling Husk even into a secure enough place to talk to you.

His lack of asking for your soul surprised you more than anything. Though you knew Charlie had her rules in the hotel, that didn’t dissuade the Deer from making his own choices. You commended him for his poise and regality; you understood why he was the talk of the town even when Vox was trying so hard to be the new it boy. Alastor was handsome in a nonconventional way; he was refined, elegant, and poised. He treated women like a gentlemen and men like they were just one step below him. 

You wouldn’t lie to yourself and say you weren't enamored; you liked him a lot from just the first handful of conversations. However, one late night really sealed the nail in your coffin of love for the affamed Overlord. You two were sitting on the lobby chair, the long-forgotten bar, and a nursed bottle of Whiskey between you two. Each new glass only brought you two closer, having a lot of similarities. 

You also killed upon your time on earth as a means to protect the ones you cared about and end those who acted foolishly like them. You also died an untimely death at the hands of something out of your control. You were both quick-witted and capable of compelling those around you with your voice and words. The only significant difference was he was an Overlord, a beautiful, attractive overlord. At the same time, you were just a sinner with a few damned souls that saw potential in you.

After that night, you and Alastor grew a lot closer. You would even dare to call him your best friend, knowing that nothing more would ever come of your two relationship past that. Not only was Alastor continuously turning women and men down left and right, but Angel was convinced the man didn’t know what romance or sex was. You couldn’t help but agree with him as every beautiful person who crossed his path was quickly shooed away or disposed of. 

As the Adam-led extermination approached, you noticed Alastor took a particular interest in your training. You were opting for him to train you and approve your placement on the battlefield. Your heart soared at his kindness, but you didn’t want to get your hopes up. He didn’t want to lose a like-minded friend, which was all this was. As you all prepared for the event, his sudden and lingering hug was just him being worried about a friend.

You would do and say anything to convince yourself he just saw you as a friend, even as he scolded you for your injuries after the battle. He just cared a lot about his best friend. You were nothing comparative in power and prestige as Alastor was, so he would never see you as more. This was all just a fond kindness he used with Niffty, Roise, and Mimzy. You wouldn’t allow yourself to be a fool and believe anything more would happen. 

As your affection grew for the Radio Demon, so did your self-doubt and negative self-esteem. You didn’t want to embarrass yourself like Mimzy, pining after a demon that would never love you. Your nights at the bar became more and more apparent enough that Husk took to talking to you and trying to help you out. This didn’t go unnoticed by the boss of said man. No, instead, jealousy was brewing inside of him, watching you grow closer to the cat demon. Jealousy that was soon to reach a head.

Alastor was utterly infatuated with you. You were a perfect mix of normalcy and insanity, something he admired dearly. You were not overbearing or clingy like Mimzy, not psychotic and wild like Niffty, and not motherly and borderline insane like Rosie. No, you were a perfect combination of what he loved in all his dear friends. That’s all you were right, a dear friend. It didn’t help that you stopped spending time with him and hanging around Husk; he grew irate. 

He needed help and fast; who better to turn to than his motherly companion, Rosie? Wanting to get you out of Husk's grasp, though he invited you along on the trip. It was pleasant. You wrapped around his arm as he led you through the streets, up until cannibal town people cowering at your feet. Once in cannibal town, though, the women came flocking. He was used to this, declining, pushing people away, and even allowing his shadows a meal or two. However, the frown on your face was the least of his expectations. He hadn’t long to question it before you two arrived at Rosie’s Emporium. 

As you two entered, you were immediately enamored with all of the goods Rosie had sold. Once quick introductions were out of the way, Alastor approached the side table to speak with his friend while you looked around more. His worries and fears were confirmed, though; he was, in fact, in love with you. Alastor wasn’t one to skimp on charm; he was a gentleman who would court you properly. 

After your visit to Rosies, you noticed a new change in Alastor. He was quite literally everywhere you were. You couldn’t get far without him complimenting you, giving you a gift, or asking you to accompany him on errands. You figured that your time secluding and hanging out with Husk might have made him think you didn’t want to be friends anymore. So, with a smile, you welcomed this change and stuck through it. Why not accept his doting behavior before he finally broke your heart and said he didn’t like dating or got a partner? 

This went on for months. The lingering touches, longer hugs, late-night talks, gifts galore, and, most importantly, him letting his guard down around you made you feel special. According to Husk, he hasn't done this with any of his other close friends. This made you almost hope that there was something more. Alastor had countless options, though, so of course, he would never choose you. Why would you allow him to embarrass you like that? 

After six months of pursuing you, Alastor believed he had amply courted you. He had enlisted the help of Charlie and Vaggie to set up the lobby so he could ask you to be his officially. The room was perfect: low lighting, candles, your favorite flowers, and food placed out. All that was missing was you there on his arm. He knew it was perfect for you, everything to your heart's desire. 

You were in shock as you entered the lobby after an impromptu errand Charlie needed to be done. You couldn’t even begin to understand what was going on. As you walked in, you saw Alastor sitting at the table before you, a large smile on his face. You looked at him quizically. “Uh, Al, what is all this?” He looked around awkwardly—that was the first time you saw that expression. “Well, Y/N, what does it look like? Of course, it's a date for us, in the hotel's safety.” You scrunched up your eyebrows, trying to process his words. “A date?” He seemed to be growing more tense by the moment; he expected you to be happy and excited, and you seemed to like his courting so much. “Yes, dear, we have been courting for some time now, which leads me to believe you were ready for a date. Was I mistaken?” You were taken aback. Are you courting? When did that happen? You looked at Alastor, trying to piece together the puzzles. Could he have liked you all this time? No, there is no way; he had so many options, so many better, less disfigured options. “Al, are you waiting for a different girl? Is this some like practice run for a person you want to date? You shouldn’t play with me like this. It’s not nice.” Alastor looked genuinely upset, only momentarily before his signature smile returned. “No, Y/N. This is for you. I have been courting you. Did you not realize my advances towards you? I have been avidly seeking you and you alone out.” You started to tear up. You wanted to believe him; you did, but it was hard. You weren’t the best; you weren’t the strongest. You had nothing going for you than surviving hell each day. “What, no? What do you mean? You can’t mean me. I am nothing, Alastor. I am nothing; I would just be embarrassing you. You are a powerful Overlord—a handsome, sought-after man. I am nothing. I am just here a sinner designed to fight through hell, that is all.” Alastor began to realize what you were getting at. You didn’t see yourself as being good enough for him. He never learned the toll you put yourself through watching person after person fall to his feet. You were watching him turn them all away and go about his day. You thought he was going to do the same to you. You thought you would never be good enough for him when you have always been what he wanted all along. 

“Oh, Y/N, no.” He rushed over to you, holding you close. Even as you fought to push him away, he stayed holding you close until you calmed. “Y/N, it has always been you. Yes, I am rough around the edges and have high expectations, but you meet them, Y/N. Can you not see how close and compatible we are since the day you moved in?” You stilled and listened. Could it be true that he liked you too this whole time? What if this was some sick prank to torture you? You looked up at Alastor, a genuine smile replacing his normal, calculated one. “Alastor, if I agree with this, you won't hurt me, right?” He sighed and held you close. “I can’t promise not to hurt you; I am an overlord and a selfish creature. However, I promise never to lie, cheat, or steal from you. I choose to love you and you alone, Y/N.” You smiled brightly and reached up, kissing his lips softly. His arms snaked around your waist as he deepened the kiss, and both of you closed your eyes. You could easily get used to being the top overlord's girl. 

Just please, please, please let him prove you wrong…

[jaybirdscoffee]

forever thinking about how the magnus archives really fumbled the Flesh. there was such potential there beyond just meat and whatever jared hopworth’s deal was. there’s the body, there’s the lack of control over it, there’s changes against your will, and sometimes hatred for it. there are uniquely horrifying bodily experiences that could have been explored that expand on it wholly. to me, the Flesh is the one fear i think never got enough development.

as a trans person, i identify with the flesh. i’m sure i’m not the only one, but the idea of a trans exploration of the Flesh and its nuances has fascinated me since i first listened to MAG 111, when we first learned about smirke’s 14. i would’ve loved (and still would) a trans or trans-coded Flesh avatar (because jared hopworth just does not cut it for me). jared’s flesh garden is something i think about often, though. the way the plants are tended, groomed and transformed into something else, people twisted into flowers comprised of their entire beings, still able to feel and exist with the horror of living as something you are not, something this world has shaped you into. i think a lot about a Flesh avatar with a similar premise, too. someone who saw themself transforming into something - someone - they couldn’t recognize, instead taking hold of it, molding their own flesh, cutting away and adding pieces, in an eternal state of visceral metamorphosis. and they wouldn’t have it any other way.

to me, the flesh is more than just meat. there are so many angles to look at it. the idea of feeling your emotions so viscerally they only manifest as bodily sensation, as nausea, as bruises and bleeding and bile, and you don’t have any idea why this is happening to you, because you’re fine. you’re fine, aren’t you? your mind is fine. sure, your head is pounding and your stomach feels like it’s a burning hole within you, and your bones ache so much you can’t move, but you’re fine. (for me, this is a big part of my being autistic. my feelings tend to register in my body before they ever do my brain). your body is turning against you in new and horrible ways, and you don’t know why. and the Flesh feeds on that confusion and pain. it loves it.

the Flesh genuinely had so, so much potential, and i wish there had been more on it, something that made it truly horrifying, especially since i think a piece of TMA’s fanbase found something in it that scratched their brains from the beginning.

anyway, yeah, i have feelings about the Flesh.

[bones4thecats]

Dragon Ball: Super Hero × S/O ; Prompt

Characters: Gamma 1, Gamma 2, and Piccolo Inspired By: Random idea... I guess? A/N: This took a while to write (like three days max) but it was totally worth it. Hope you guys like it! ⚠️ Spoilers/Trigger Warnings for: FLUFFY BRAIN-ROT ⚠️

Disclaimer: Person A -> G.1 S/O & Piccolo / Person B -> G.2 S/O

╔══════════════════════════════════════════╗

╚═════ Gamma 1 ══════════════════════════════╝

🦈 The sound of metallic footsteps made the silent Red Ribbon Army Headquarters bearable to walk around without any fear of a cricket chirping out of nowhere. Not that many members of the re-made group feared much

🦈 Gamma 1 strutted around in search of a specific member of the Army, his S/O. They said they would be coming back by 16:00, or 4:00 pm, from shopping for some things that Dr. Hedo needed for a new experiment. Well, that and some things to spoil the young genius with

🦈 He blinked calmly as he approached their door. The symbols that his S/O had drawn laid popping on the wood. While Commander Magenta wasn't fond of the random drawings around, he had to accept it. Y/N was of amazing use to the Red Ribbon Army, after all

🦈 The door opened as Gamma 1 twisted the handle and pushed it inside. The first thing that caught the Android's eyes was his S/O laying on the bed, knees bent on the side of the mattress while their arms did the same on the opposite side

🦈 You groaned dramatically as Gamma 1 cocked an 'eyebrow', wondering what you were doing laying on your bed in such a way. While you normally did sit or lay in unique manners, this was one of the most unique ones yet for your boyfriend

"Love? Why are you laying down in such a way?" He asked.

🦈 Sitting up as you looked at your boyfriend, he noticed a glaring difference on you. Your face had a slight bruise on the cheek, specifically your right one, which Gamma 1 would plant kisses on daily

"You can't kiss my cheek anymore because even the slightest touch makes it practically stab me in the face with pain. This is what it must feel like to be deprived of everything without consent..." You griped as you buried your face into a nearby pillow.

"Why would you think I wouldn't give you a kiss on the cheek anymore?"

"Like I said!" You drawled. "My bruise is trying to murder me!"

🦈 Gamma 1 sighed, you were always a hint dramatic. It wasn't horrible to the point of sabotaging any relationships you had, but it wasn't the best thing to occur when it came out. Normally having it result in your boyfriend carrying you around in his arms or just holding you as you ranted

🦈 Walking to the top of your bed, Gamma 1 reached and delicately pulled the pillow out from your grasp. It was obvious that you had been crying, as your eyes were puffier with the light now hitting them better

"Sit up." He said, making you shuffle upwards to make room for your boyfriend.

🦈 Thankfully, Dr. Hedo had made beds that sustained the weight of both of the Android twins at once, so you didn't have to worry about any incident when laying down together

"Go ahead and lay down," he continued, "and tell me about the rest of your day. Specifically how that bruise occurred."

🦈 You sighed dramatically with your hand over your head, acting like you were in a drama-centered theater production, and began to rant about your day, from going to the store, being hit in the head by a ball some kids threw accidentally, to having to practically force Dr. Hedo into eating something real quick

🦈 Gamma 1 smiled, his metal-cheeks just barely twitching upwards as you acted out. While many would find this quality annoying, Gamma 1 adored it about you. You were different. He liked that.

╔══════════════════════════════════════════╗

╚═════ Gamma 2 ══════════════════════════════╝

🐳 You were used to your boyfriend, Gamma 2, being a complete idiot. His cockiness usually got ahead of him, resulting in some unfavorable situations to be made

🐳 Gamma 2 was not only having a bad day, but he hadn't been able to see his S/O in over 36 hours! You had been sent out by Commander Magenta to grab some paperwork to sign off a deal with another company and hadn't returned from your miles-long journey to-and-from

🐳 He crashed onto the chair, his feet raising and hitting the ground, making a loud bang echo in the building. The passing soldiers just shrugged and continued on their shifts, weapons raised and guards up

🐳 Gamma 2 groaned as he shifted, trying to bring his knees up to his face to bury into, and it was not going as he planned

🐳 As he kept shifting and trying to bring his knees up into the chair, it was so small that it wouldn't allow anymore room for his feet to rest, which was starting to annoy the powerful-Android

🐳 All of a sudden, the door nearby opened, revealing your form there. Your stoic expression calming Gamma 2 down and making him jump up and fly into you at full-speed

🐳 When he hit your frame to hug you, you mentally thanked Dr. Hedo for adding some enhancements onto your form. He knew that Gamma 2 was an excited fellow and he wanted you to be safe from any kind of danger you faced. You were like the new Android 17 and 18

🐳 Your hair flew back from the pressure of the air before falling back down on your back. Gamma 2 just smiled and clung to your body, asking how you were and how much he missed you

🐳 Blinking as he emphasized his last couple days, you mentally looked a lot differently than you did on the outside. While anyone who passed would've guessed that you were annoyed, a select few (Dr. Hedo and Gamma 1), would know that you were happy to be near your boyfriend

"-And I swear, if I have to listen to another documentary without you suffering by me, I may just combust!"

"Is that so?"

"YEAH!"

🐳 Sitting down in a nearby chair while the Android burrowed his face into your stomach while sitting on the floor, you continued to listen to his dramatic rambles. You could sit here forever listening to his adorable speeches...

╔══════════════════════════════════════════╗

╚═════ Piccolo ═══════════════════════════════╝

🪺 Piccolo trained and meditated all day, when he wasn't watching Pan with you that is

🪺 Your boyfriend and you normally would just sit down and do whatever you wanted. You normally watched something on your phone while Piccolo just meditated, he enjoyed these moments with you dearly

🪺 But the moments you held deeper was when you could finally get underneath his grumpy-exterior

🪺 Take the other day for example. You had a crap day, coming home from dealing with Bulma and Vegeta's aggression for nearly four hours in a 'therapy session'

🪺 You closed the door behind you with your foot and stumbled into the living room, plopping your bag down on the ground next to you as your legs gave out and you collapsed onto the soft sofa that you got for you, Pan, and Piccolo to rest on when babysitting

🪺 The yells of the husband and wife made you groan and try thinking of something else, ranging from the fight you had against Frieza on Old Namek years ago to the newer fight there was against almost every other universe in existence

🪺 Piccolo then walked inside from the backdoor, his larger form caused larger-sounding steps. So, when he took his first plunge into the home, you knew it couldn't possibly be anyone else except for your Namekian lover

🪺 The Namekian stepped inside from the kitchen and he paused when catching sight of you laying face-first into the cushions. He knew what was up, you had been hired by Bulma to help her and Vegeta handle some anger-issues, and even he knew how bad that could be

🪺 You at first pushed it off like nothing, saying you'd be fine and that it'd be nice to hang around your two old friends. Oh, how wrong you must've been...

"Y/N? Are you alright?" He only heard the muffling of your voice coming from the pillows in a reply.

"Lift your head up. I can't understand you when your burying your face six-feet-deep into the cushions of our couch."

🪺 Pulling yourself up from the softer-materials, you looked at Piccolo and groaned, flopping back on the back of the couch that time before ranting about your day

🪺 Piccolo sat down beside you as you spoke. This ranged from how idiotic it was for the married couple of more than 10 years to argue in such a constant manner. Especially when it would seemingly die out and when one person said another word, it'd go right back up in flames

🪺 As your dramatics increased, Piccolo just watched and listened. His large ears slightly twitched as you swapped from acting like Vegeta in the situation to acting like Bulma. Heck, you even put on a blue hat to be the woman and then picked up a nearby large hunk of broccoli to act like the male

🪺 With anyone else, Piccolo would be annoyed and just interrupt with his opinions on the matter. But this wasn't anyone else, this was you. You were his chosen one. You were his one and only, no matter how long either of you lived to be

🪺 So, for now, he'd let you have your fun while he had his

[ryuichirou]

so what about the twst girlies and sex on their periods?

who's gonna make the room look like a crime scene and come out looking like the killer and their victim?

Another very old but very intriguing ask that I just couldn’t ignore 😭 I hope you are still out there, Anon! Thank you for indulging me with more topics about the girls, I’m always having a blast with them.

Even though this particular topic isn’t something I think too often about, and I also have a lot of personal feelings and biases about it, as always, I tried to be as objective as possible while writing this. It was fun...

Also, I don’t know if mermaids or fae would even have periods (beastwomen too to be fair), but for the sake of this ask let’s imagine that they would.

Alright then...

Riddle – the idea of creating such a mess sounds terrifying and absolutely embarrassing to her, so she would be against it + she is always in such a horrible mood that people barely dare to even talk to her unless it’s absolutely necessary. But all that doesn’t mean that she can’t have a moment of care with Trey... or an absolutely cursed crime scene looking situation with Floyd after a huge passionate fight.

Ace – periods never stop her from masturbating (as long as she doesn’t have to touch the blood), but usually stop her from having sex. Even if she isn’t the one getting the most attention, she just isn’t in the mood for that during that time. That being said, Deuce and she did try to hump each other with their underwear on once... didn’t end well.

Deuce – unlike Ace, she doesn’t like to even look down there during her period, let alone touch it in any way, so she also usually isn’t the one to want to have sex on her period. But once again, Ace and she did try humping each other through their underwear once, and the friction was good, but at some point Deuce fell from the bed. Having a bump on your thigh isn’t fun.

Trey – she absolutely wouldn’t want anyone to touch her when she is on her period, and in theory her instinct is to say «just rest, okay?» to a girl when she is on hers. Trey is very caring and nurturing, but even to her cleaning up after period sex doesn’t sound very pleasing... but maybe it’s because she’s never thought of this scenario with Riddle. Or because she is afraid of obtaining a new troubling fetish... since, you know. Painting something red is technically her specialty...

Cater – in theory – absolutely! With tampon on and right after shower, of course! In actuality, she is probably just way too desperate. Chances are she wouldn’t want to have sex on her period when the possibility actually occurs...  She won’t be able to stop worrying about what’s down there.

Leona – she gets horny on her period but doesn’t want to deal with blood. Of course, she won’t need to do it herself, but even lying down somewhere else while Ruggie is cleaning her bed is a pain, so she’s more likely to do it in the shower. Or rather, go in the shower to wash herself and then yell for Ruggie to get her ass in there.

Ruggie – her periods aren’t that often of an occasion due to her unique anatomy, so usually isn’t an issue to her: she prefers to wait for a couple of days and then do her thing. She doesn’t like cleaning up after the other girlies either unless she is getting something from it. So with Leona, who prefers to yell from the shower, it’s actually as good as it can get for Ruggie.

Jack – as always, Jack is the type to rationalise something and then do a completely different thing when the passion takes over her head. She will get a faint “I should stop” feeling, but still continue, completely ignoring the thought. I think she is the first one on this list who would actually end up looking like a bloody killer lol She will be so embarrassed when the realisation hits her...

Azul – ah, the other housewarden whose dormmates would know exactly when she is having her period. The one whose period gets very offensively called “Shark week” behind her back (Jade very sneakily started this tradition). But I digress; I think Azul would also be the one who wouldn’t want to either touch herself or someone else when they’re bleeding. But! I also think Azul could get fired up enough to do something like this unexpectedly to even herself. She could get surprisingly similar to Jack... but this is a very rare, if not once-in-a-lifetime occasion.

Jade – she isn’t a very sexual being in general, so it’s not like this is a choice she has to make on a regular basis, but she would love to do it at least once. Both in terms of experimentation, in terms of how fun of a reaction she could get from a person she is with, and in terms of how much of a mess she could make out of both her lover and herself. She likes the idea of the bed looking like a crime scene after sex, so if the circumstances are right, she could be rather shameless about it. She could also wear long gloves and a lab coat while preparing to have sex with a girl on her period just for the drama of it.

Floyd – she doesn’t give a fuck for the most part, both in terms of herself and her potential lovers. Sometimes she could go “geh, I don’t wanna”, but for the most part the girlies she is with are either shy or mad about her touching them down there while they’re on their period, and in Floyd’s book this is all the motivation she needs. She is actually the one to shove a tongue down there with zero hesitation.

Kalim – even though she is an absolute sweetheart who would probably love to make her loved one feel better by touching her while she is on her period, it sounds kind of messy and Kalim is a bit squeamish, so she’ll be waiting until her periods are over! She is the type to do anything other than touching down there though, so while Jamil could say “don’t do it, I’m on my period”, it definitely won’t stop Kalim from kissing her and touching her in other places.

Jamil – if possible, she prefers not to do it. She knows that it’s technically possible and that there is nothing dangerous about it (aside from her having to sneakily wash Kalim’s sheets at 3 am), but it’s just too much of a headache to even think about it. Which is a shame because her periods could get very painful, and her body responds very well to her having sex... it actually makes the pain go away a little bit.

Vil – she also prefers not to do it, but she still does sometimes. Sometimes it’s because Rook took things a little too far and got her horny, sometimes it’s because she really needs to relieve some stress. But she is someone who does it with a lot of preparation:  a towel, tons of tissues (both wet and dry), a scented candle (to distract from anything else), but she’ll also have a tampon. And obviously, she’ll be right out of the shower. It’s an entire ritual... it would be easier to just do it in the shower – a thought that occurs when she’s already too deep into these preparations.

Rook – she appreciates the drama and the dedication that Vil puts into creating a beautiful ritual out of them making love when she is on her period, but honestly? Rook doesn’t care, it’s not like she won’t eat out a girl when she is having a heavy flow somewhere outside behind a tree that barely hides them. She knows the risks and she cares about hygiene, but her idea of what is and isn’t okay is a bit weird. While she respects Vil’s wishes for now, she really wants to make her let go of all of it one day... She just thinks Vil would look very beautiful like this.

Epel – she doesn’t like getting periods and doesn’t like anyone mentioning her having periods, so to her it’s probably a “no”. It’s not like she doesn’t get horny, and sometimes she feels like her not being able to have sex when she’s on her period isn’t fair, and sometimes she gets an urge to do it anyway... but then she just sighs and does nothing :( Maybe Floyd will help her out...

Idia – her periods are kind of irregular, and her sex drive is kind of low, so it’s not like she has to actively think about it. Oh, that thing is bleeding? Great, not touching it for a week. Didn’t really want to anyway. But of course there are a lot of people in her life that could make her reconsider... Even though the idea of sex on periods sounds like a nightmare to her. It’s like sex (already a scary and horrible thing) + a mess that you uncontrollably make + it’s fucking pussy blood! What could be worse?

Ortho – she really thinks that Idia should get at least some stimulation when she’s on her period! It will make her cramps go away! It will make her mood better! So many benefits and not a whole lot of downsides! Who cares about some mess? She doesn’t feel disgust or shame, so she will very happily and very persistently offer her help! Plus, she’ll probably think that the blood looks very cool on her...

Lilia – another one who is very used to pleasing a girl on her periods. She is probably tired of hearing that one joke about a vampire lesbian, but she was actually the one whom that joke originated from... about 100 years ago. But even though the jokes get old, having a sensitive body squirming under you unable to cover neither shame nor pleasure doesn’t. So yeah, Lilia probably doesn’t mind the blood the most out of everyone... but! She doesn’t like getting touched. She doesn’t like getting touched in genera,l to be honest.

Silver – she is Lilia’s girl, so she is pretty okay with it too. She never learned to feel ashamed about it in general, so even if she leaks, it’s just a matter of “oh no it’s dirty now”. Unfortunate, but not a big deal. So she would have sex while on her period, no problem. Although, even she thinks that Lilia covered in blood looks a bit... scary.

Sebek – she is another one who would be against it in theory, but then the horniness would win... She would probably be very scandalised by Silver’s attitude towards this thing, but also? Surprisingly aroused. Which is good because this is going to prepare her for Malleus, so she really should be thankful to both Silver and Lilia.

Malleus – you guessed it – she is also pretty used to it. But she isn’t as shameless as Silver, mostly because she is a bit squeamish: she’s a princess, after all. So she actually won’t do it just anywhere, but when she’s having a bath or right after that – it’s the perfect moment for her to lie down and let her suitor please her, be it Lilia or Sebek. She doesn’t like the mess though, so they better be very careful. Which is kind of impossible with her flow...

[silverskye13]

Augh that last oneshot was wonderfully painful. I think if I was in that world, and learned I had a hels, I would be SO horribly angry at the universe. Like, how dare it say this other person's life is worth less than mine? How dare it create a whole person, say that they're only a part of me, when they're distinct and independent? How dare it put someone's blood on my hands to change me for the better? I think I'd become a knight just to crusade against the universe.

Heyo! Didn't mean to leave you in suspense, and absolutely no harm done <3 I am really busy throughout the day, and most of the time the one or two asks I manage to answer for these one-shots is all I have time for before sleep.

I'm glad you like the worldbuilding [and also the one-shots so far!]

I feel like "the universe" is almost becoming its own, somewhat meta character at this point, like a stand in for the hand of the author almost, but more mindless. It's anything unfair about one world and favorable about the next, and I like how it's starting to work as a kind of... Forced perspective. As a reader [or a writer] we're always aware that for most stories, an antagonist is only ever a change in perspective. If we had the whole story, the line between "good" and "bad" would be a lot harder to distinguish. Since a protagonist is well established though, "good" and "bad" sort themselves neatly, and you have the benefit of rooting for your perspective to win.

But "the universe" vs hels has turned into the idea of that forced perspective being biased. The "good guys" really are only good by benefit of perspective, and when you're locked on the other side of that wall, pigeon-holed into the karmic retribution of being the antagonist, the uphill battles you fight when the "good guys" win are uniquely unfair. It's added a new layer to the story I didn't anticipate, a god-like narrative character that everybody gets to squint at skeptically and go, "Hey, wait, that's not fair." Maybe you don't want any character to come to harm -- maybe you very much do. But regardless, you would expect "the universe" to at least have the decency to be fair about it and not pick favorites. Something as inherent to character-ing as simply existing in the story shouldn't be biased... But it is.

Anyway all that to say, I endorse you becoming a knight of The Order of Balanced Scales, and wish you luck on your crusade!

[anoctoberpepper]

So a quick update: Over these next two months I’m going to be putting effort into original fiction so my AO3 posting will likely be slowing down. Disappearing off the face of the planet is pretty normal for me (I’m a chronic Discord ghoster 😭), but I will do my best to stay active here.

Please continue to hit me up with any of your favorite DnDads headcanons and ideas! I still definitely want to talk and write in this fandom! 

Sappy love under the cut. TL;DR I’m insane and you all have made me feel seen. 

So I’ve had a weird five years, the middle of which involved being hospitalized for the first (and god willing only) time, for mental health issues. I had a major depressive disorder that turned into a late in life diagnosis of “Schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type with mixed features” (I was actively delusional for 8 months, fun times). I have frilly diagnoses around that including generalized anxiety disorder, and an unspecified personality disorder. I say this because I don’t get to say it all that often. In my day-to-day life I have to keep that part of me tucked away so deep down that bringing it out to see the light of day hurts. Even though it’s a big part of how I relate to the world and it genuinely affects every day of my life. 

My closest friends barely understand my diagnosis. It’s hard to talk about. I either feel embarrassed or I’m worried that giving details will make people uncomfortable. Or maybe they’ll pity me, or worse they might not trust me anymore. Schizophrenia and Bipolar have hefty stigmas. So I don’t talk about it in any detail. 

But I need to talk about it. 

I was reading an original fiction piece I wrote before my diagnosis and realized that the main character, who was under the thrall of some violent magic at the time, was feeling exactly like how I would describe mixed mania now. It told me two things, 1) I was feeling horrible for a lot longer than I thought, and 2) I’ve been trying to describe it through my writing for just as long. 

I’ve written a lot over the last ten-ish years, and as all writers do I’ve tossed some of that writing into the void of agents' inboxes hoping for a bite. (I have received half a bite, one time). I write because I want to understand myself and because I love stories, but there’s something unique about having someone validate what you put on the page. Like “yeah. I get it, I feel that too.” 

I want to be able to yell my words to the world so someone will yell back. 

You all have yelled back. 

Genuinely and truly with all of my heart I could not have asked for a better gift this last year than having people feel seen by my writing.

I’m finally pulling my way back up from a really deep pile of crap and part of that journey was being able to write about Lark and Grant and Terry. Them learning to ask for what they need, and taking care of themselves and letting themselves be taken care of has taught me how to do it. 

I’ve found words to describe the mumbling voices I hear when I forget to take my meds, and the crawling-skin feeling of mania. I learned how to ask for things even if it’s as stupid as “can you walk to the kitchen with me so I don’t have to go through the process of making a bagel by myself.” Having characters take care of themselves has trained me to take care of myself. Utterly ridiculous, but absolutely profound. 

Another part of that journey I must mention is having people say, “yeah, that’s what it’s like for me too. I hear you. I see you. We’re in this together.” 

It is a gift I didn’t know I needed. People don’t usually talk about their mental health issues and when they do it’s generally not in a way I can relate to. I’m not really textbook anything, but I am some of everything. Being able to describe the pain of random mental health things and having other people say they’ve felt that way too has made me feel less alone. 

I don’t know how to end this rant, only that I would be remiss if I didn’t say I sincerely appreciated every comment and interaction I’ve had over the last year with you all. I feel comforted in a way I never thought I would. I feel joy in participating in this community, and a deep feeling of hope that things will keep getting better (and then worse and then better again). 

I love you all. Thank you for everything, and I hope to be back up posting as soon as I get some original fictioning done. 

(Or maybe I’ll get sick of trying to write my own stuff and I’ll be back here in a week. Who knows.) 

P.S. I’m still planning to work on Picking up the Pieces, it just might be slower than my usual pace

[hugemilkshake]

Request for Wild Basil Cookie being overprotective of Child Reader who just wants to be friends with everyone being gullible and all (And the fact this kid is a magnet of danger 👀)

I will gladly give content about my ocs bc I love em

Wild Basil with a gullible child reader

-platonic-

Wild Basil is… unique to say the least. He is very greedy and honest not that pleasant to be around, ask anyone, they’ll tell you that he is a rotten egg.

You’d have to meet Wild Basil before his Wild Basil ark, when he was Powdered Basil. When he was someone you’d want to be around.

You probably were introduced to Basil by Bubbling Oil and never knew he was exiled and not the best person

————————————————————————

Going out into the woods would be a bad idea though, since without Powdered Basil to lead anyone back to the kingdom, you were lost

And things weren’t looking good for you, the woods were horrible. Beast of all sizes followed you and dashed at you until you were on the verge of death

You braced yourself for the impact of an attack but it never came.

You slowly opened your eyes and you saw wolves around you, you had seen some from afar before but this time they were so close you could touch them.

The wolves fought off any creatures that were tormenting you before one of the wolves (who looked a little derpy) bit the back of your shirt and started to drag you (one of the other wolves had to help you onto its back because getting dragged was a little painful)

After a while of walking you were put on the ground in front of a tall, slender cookie in a hood.

When they noticed you their reaction was… less than ideal…

“What is this? Some weird animal you found?” The cookie kneeled down “it’s not the worst thing you’ve brought me but put it back-“

The cookie was cut off by a wolf running into them, knocking their hood off

Powdered Basil..?

The cookie looked at you confused “No? That’s uh not my name. It’s Wild Basil. And what even are you?”

You told ”Wild Basil” that he knew you and that he could help you get home but he seemed confused about who you were but decided that he should take you home so you won’t bug him

————————————————————————

If you had told me that Wild Basil would be somewhat chill with a child the. I’d believe it since I wrote it. But Wild Basil decided to guide you back home

The two of you formed and unlikely friendship

Now you weren’t aware of how possessive of the wolves and items he had, you didn’t notice how Wild Basil made sure you weren’t even harmed by a simple bug

You were kinda just gullible since if you believed that the leaves spelt out gullible when Wild Basil told you and that you believed all of his dodgy excuses.

But getting home would have been sadder if he didn’t dip when you got to the gates 

Listen, it’s not like he hated you, it’s just that something in him told him that being greedy over another cookie was wrong and weird

So he dipped the moment you saw the kingdom

[loquaciousquark]

hello again, question two incoming! i was thinking about my tav and astarion and boundaries each of them would set with each other—ness got dragged alone into the illithid oubliette, sent to chult, and then sucked into the djinni's lamp in lorroakan's tower and astarion is Very Done with his glass canon sorcerer gf being imperiled while he's helpless about it—and i remembered your fic "this lethal light falls softly", where astarion sets kind of a similar boundary when tavish comes back from being in avernus way longer than intended. my question is kind of twofold, firstly what is it with astarion and girlfriends who disappear on him, and then more seriously, what are some other boundaries tavish and astarion have to set with each other? is it easy for them to draw those lines, or is it always a kind of fraught conversation, like it was in the fic where astarion was threatening to leave tavish? do those boundary-drawing conversations change after the netherbrain is defeated and they're not constantly fighting for their lives? i imagine you can swallow some things easier when you're mostly just worried your partner could die at any minute, lol

LOVE THIS. Poor Ness. Poor Astarion! In a meta sense, I think it's just great to see someone who explicitly avoided caring about people for a couple of centuries be forced to confront that he actually cares about someone...a lot now, and all the wonder & horror that comes with that. There's a certain kind of impotence that comes with that level of waiting & being able to do exactly nothing to mitigate it, and I like seeing Astarion grapple with it & decide: yes, it's worth the pain to stick around anyway, that the love matters more. It sucks for him, for sure, but man is it a good time for me! :D

In terms of boundaries, I think both Astarion & Tavish are extremely terrible at both articulating, implementing, and occasionally respecting them. Tav had a healthy upbringing until she was about twelve, and then her entire teenage & young adult life was built around getting close enough to people to rob them, first under the direction of her horrible aunt, and then on her own after she killed her. Even the Thieves' Guild, where she wanted desperately to be, didn't find her appealing enough to accept, so she very quickly learned that absolutely no one cared if she lived or died, that family, friends, & lovers would take off the moment she couldn't give them what they wanted, and that the only way to guarantee someone would stick up for her would be if she brought some sort of unique utility to the table. I don't think she ever broke any major boundaries for anyone because she never got close enough for them to matter.

Likewise, Astarion's entire known history is messily tied to utility and what (who) he could provide for Cazador. However, his job, for lack of a better word, explicitly relied on him pushing boundaries at every opportunity. He must get the person who's hesitant to follow him into a dark alley to come with him anyway. He must get someone so drunk that they make incredibly stupid decisions & sleep with him despite their better judgement. He must find the person already having a terrible day and be that listening ear, manipulating them so much in the process that they lean on his opinion and recommendations over their own. The luxury of a healthy relationship is so far outside his realm of experience, I don't think he has the faintest idea what do with it when he finds himself in one, like a dog who's actually caught a car.

The turn for him, therefore, must be the realization that he cares for Tav's wellbeing above his own. He's at last found something to care about and protect besides himself, something he'd die to save, and that means that after two hundred years, his own needs and wants must come secondary to his desire to make Tav happy.

For Tav, it's the opposite. She's spent so long believing herself unlovable that I don't think she really understands how much Astarion cares until very late in the endgame. She isn't trying to make things hard for him; she just genuinely doesn't realize she's hurting him. That would require her to understand that she has intrinsic value as a person to him, even outside of what utility she can provide, & she's bad at understanding that.

In that vein, I don't think Tav is capable of articulating hard boundaries for herself for a long time. She has things she likes & dislikes, of course, but for someone so used to desperately reshaping herself to be small, to be easy, to be lovable in the hopes that someone would want to stick around eventually, her go-to response is not to ask someone to stop doing something, it's to literally retrain herself to find that thing not that bad in the first place. It's only because Astarion is extremely good at quick-reading people that he picks up on it after a while & realizes this is what she's doing.

I do think at some point post-game he has a very clear sit-down with her where he makes her clearly state some things he's doing that seriously bother her, not just so he can stop doing them but so she can get used to putting voice to her wants in the first place. However, because he's him, I do think he's snippy and catty about it the whole time. They aren't serious complaints; he just knows his cattiness makes Tav laugh & he wants her to trust him--to trust that he loves her, sure, but also to trust him to stay even when she's irritated at him. He needs her to understand she's not going to chase him off by asking him to change his behavior. (Also a novel thing for him: that he is willing to change his own behavior for someone else, just because they ask. Because her happiness matters more to him than him "winning" an argument by being sarcastic & cutting, and it turns out that hurting her to win makes the win sour and bitter anyway & he doesn't enjoy it.)

Astarion is just the opposite. I think for a while he can't help but react every time he butts up against something he doesn't like, both from the novelty of being able to say no & as part of his attempts to figure out exactly what denials are worth the effort. In this way I think Tav is very well-suited to him; she's very patient regarding this kind of thing thanks to her own flaws (especially since she understands what he's doing, even if he doesn't). She doesn't mind at all kind of contorting herself around his changeable boundaries while he figures out what he actually does & doesn't want, and since they don't have the end of the world hanging over their heads anymore, there's no time pressure aside from her own mortality. Besides, she can tell which ones he really cares a lot about (her leaving without warning, her endangering herself on his behalf without his knowing, the period where they're not sleeping together in Act 2/3) vs. the ones he doesn't really care about & are really just unconscious tests (her leaving her shoes all over the floor, the way she fiddles with things all the time when she's bored, the way too many sweets makes her blood less tasty, etc.). It's not a way I think she could live forever, but because he does change over time and he does get better and he does clearly learn from his mistakes, she's willing to be patient on her part while he figures things out.

Eventually, as they settle into a routine and become more comfortable navigating each other's needs as well as their own, he learns he doesn't have to say no to everything and she learns she can say no at all. It's a lot of work for both of them, but they both care deeply about the other's success and happiness, and they're both willing to put in the effort to make something that'll last.

Ahh, this was wonderful to get to ramble on about. Thank you so much for asking! <3<3<3

[bestworstcase]

It’s fascinating to me to read the anon you got (and your extremely well-thought-out response) about Penny’s transformation being distasteful, because I’ve always had an instinctually viscerally negative response to that particular critique of the scene. My issue isn’t with your analysis, which I think stands up, but specifically the complaint that “Penny’s transformation is bad writing/symbolically hurtful, because it takes away the thing that makes her unique/means she no longer has to struggle to be perceived as real.”

I don’t think the text supports the idea that Penny disliked her transformation, or was more comfortable in her robotic body than in her new human one. Her finally getting to feel hugs is probably the single purest moment of joy in all of RWBY. I agree with you that it may have been disconcerting for her to have to re-learn how to fight as a human, but I think it’s entirely possible that Penny herself would say it was worth it—in those moments, she’s as happy as we’ve ever seen her.

Through that lens, the critique of her transformation is pretty distasteful, at least to me—Penny has always longed to be a “real girl.” Is the argument that she (or you or I, if we were given the choice) should have rejected the opportunity to get something she’d always wanted, because then she would no longer be unique? Is it morally better for her to remain a robot even if being a real girl is what she wants? This is probably just me pitting my own projection against someone else’s, so feel free to ignore it if you don’t feel like it adds any value to the discussion. But this has been one of my biggest RWBY pet peeves going back 2+ years, so I felt like I had to write this out.

tbh i think where a lot of folks get tripped up is with expecting rwby to handle the 'sapient robot' character in the typical way of that character's foremost concern being do i count as a Real Person?

but, like. penny raises that question once in a context where she a) clearly expects ruby to freak out, and b) is clearly trying to preempt the freak out by explaining what she is in the simplest, most straightforward terms. "you're my friend, right? you promise you're my friend?" / "you wouldn't understand" / "i'm not real" — but look at how she responds when ruby goes what? of course you're real, you've got a soul! "you're taking this extraordinarily well." and then "you're the best friend anyone could ever have!!"

<- to me that does not read like penny genuinely thinks she isn't a 'real person' so much as that is what she is primed to expect ruby to think, and she's terrified her new (only!) friend is going to reject her, so she tries to sort of... soften the blow by saying it first.

only ruby does not think that. at all. and that's the last time penny describes herself as "not real" and she generally seems to be quite comfortable in her skin as a robot. after that point the only time it's ever a pain point is when she reacts to other people treating her like a Thing instead of a Person. and like i said, that's very wrapped up in the broader narrative of dehumanization and authoritarianism going on with atlas, hence why this arc for penny is so intertwined with winter's.

all that to say, i don't really buy into the interpretation that penny ever had a problem with Being A Robot so much as she had a problem with the way people Treat Her As A Robot (and i think cinder is used narratively to make the point that obviously penny receiving this new flesh body does not make the people who saw her as a Thing before suddenly realize that she's a Person instead).

& that's why personally i see her loss of the robotic body as loosely equivalent to yang losing her original arm. it's acutely traumatic not so much because the new flesh body is weaker but because that's her body and she loses it in a pretty horrible way, and in an ideal scenario where the evacuation went off without a hitch and penny made it to vacuo in one piece, i imagine there would have been a major period of adjustment, both physically and emotionally, as she processed that loss.

her new flesh body is more akin to yang's prosthetic arm—it's not bad, per se, and certainly there are things she can find to love about it, but i would expect for her to have complicated feelings about simply because the way she got it is rooted in this traumatic event. and then just in terms of the before/after on her physical capabilities, objectively surviving the virus in this way is disabling, and that's a big thing to adjust to.

is that better than dying? yeah absolutely. and penny isn't the type who would resent her own survival simply because it came with some unpleasant consequences and big changes to adjust to—absolutely, she would think this was worth it to have a chance to live her life freely. same as yang chose not to regrow her arm in V9.

and there's no moral value to put on robot body over flesh body or vice versa; i think applying the 'robot vs real girl' lens to a story that so emphatically rejected that dichotomy right out of the gate and then went 'the real problem is this exploitative, dehumanizing military state that treats everybody like an expendable tool' is a bit disingenuous overall. what makes a person a real person in rwby is whether they have a soul, and it's stated upfront in no uncertain terms that penny has a soul. she's never not been a real girl. my read on her is that what she always wanted was to have her personhood respected moreso than she wanted to be 'real'.

[allycot]

kuai liang & bi-han | random, incomplete fragments

Fear.

The first feeling covering Kuai Liang gradually, like an impending storm; it is not like in the reality. It is bigger. It is much worse. The feeling splits into several different parts. Realisation, loss of will, preparedness for the worst. The escape.

Kuai runs away. As fast as he can.

He shouldn’t stop. Not this time. Running away, until the cold covers him completely and he gets lost in the ice. Getting out from a dread emptiness while it is still possible.

He runs away and keeps running with all his might.

Falling down; he feels the snow under his hands. Turning around.

Kuai can notice his brother coming closer to him, not with that ferocity he used to have, but slowly, as though to wait for his next actions. He found him. No doubt that he wouldn’t. So it repeats itself. Again, and again, and again.

The blade in Kuai’s hands. He has no idea what kind of push stimulated him to stand up abruptly. Watching Bi-Han pulling out a weapon as well.

Fight. Giving themselves up to it. Fast reaction, but heaviness in the body. Kuai can’t feel it, as if it does not depend on him at all. He wants to escape from this cold, unbearable place. Yet he can’t because Bi-Han does not stop.

Until the blade pierces his body.

The composure in Bi-Han’s eyes disappears as soon as he falls to his knees, not being able to say any word.

“Brother!”

No. Not again. Not this time, for God’s sake, he can’t see this anymore. The blood on their hands, blood drops in the snow. They will never change it.

“I’m… I’m sorry… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Kuai Liang brings Bi-Han close to his own body, trying to hold. The scream is stuck in the throat.

He is awake, still feeling the cold.

The same nightmare does not leave his mind, keeping breaking into it. Looking around, he notices Tomas, who stands by the door of the room. His eyes are full of worry, notices Kuai.

“Was it a bad dream again?” he asks a question silently.

“Don’t worry about me. I’m fine, brother.”

“You’re not,” claims Tomas. “I heard you saying something in your sleep.”

Kuai Liang has always been surprised by Tomas’s attentiveness, especially when it is related to him. It is one of the few things he is not really ready to share even with him, though they have known each other for all life and such things must not be a surprise to them.

“I also saw the things… horrible things, they must be from my past. But what I realise is that my life is here. Here, with our future. I wouldn’t say I got through this completely, but… I just want to say that I’m here. With you. I’ll never leave you,” Tomas sits down next to Kuai, assuring him.

There is something in his tone that makes Kuai Liang believe him, in the good. He looks up at the brother, noticing a full confidence that Smoke’s gaze has. Kuai nods.

“Thank you.”

Anger? Maybe. Yet it is something unique. Something strange and familiar at the same time, hiding itself behind the anger he is used to feeling. Resentment? Bitterness? It is not in his power to determine or give it its actual name.

The scars on the back still hurt, but the pain has an ability to go away. Bi-Han enters the room: he recognises it. A pathetic fragment of the childhood. The room is darker than it was in the reality. As if he remembers this day, as if it is just a memory mixed with illusions of his mind.

Seeing Kuai Liang looking a little younger, it does not surprise Bi-Han, though the thoughts from the present, the reality, still follow him even here.

Kuai turns around. The scar on the eye bleeds.

Something does not allow Bi-Han to ask. Something holds him back from that; the other side, within him, literally screams about it.

“Who did it to you?!”

He comes up to Kuai, feeling free from the dark, absorbing emotions for a while.

“It’s okay, Bi-Han. Everything is okay.” Too calm to be true.

Something is definitely wrong.

The cryomancer looks at his own hands that are covered in blood.

Bi-Han opens his eyes, barely getting out from that terrifying abyss.

Trying to calm down. The emptiness is still around him, but now he can leave the past and everything making him weaker. He has already left, hasn’t he? So that crying feeling, hidden inside the soul, won’t even show itself.

He won’t accept the fact that he lost a part of him.

[nikiiwi]

baek kyung is horrible and that's what makes him great.

if you've fallen in love with him uncritically, looked past his toxic actions and chosen to ignore that he's a walking red flag, i am concerned. i hope that's not doing any bad things to your brain. but him being awful is what's so compelling about him. he's a great antagonist for the story he's in.

he's a narrative foil for almost everyone around him.

eun dan-oh knows that yeah, technically she's smarter than the characters who have yet to become self-aware. but she respects their autonomy, however scripted it may be, and treats everyone with kindness. she doesn't see herself as better or more important just because she knows better. baek kyung does. whether it's bravado or pretense or genuine disdain, he treats everyone who hasn't woken up even worse than he did before.

ha-ru is often concerned for eun dan-oh's wellbeing. he's scared for her. her condition could kill her and there's no way for anyone to know when that could happen. he loves her and he understands his place in this is to support her. he's willing to go along with any plan she has to save her own life. baek kyung is also scared. and he's turning that on dan-oh. he's blaming her, even when he seems to be softer about it. he does not know how to express love in a healthy way. when he decides to help, he spends his time pushing the idea of their relationship as a method to save her. no matter how many times she insists that isn't what she wants.

lee do-hwa is the second male lead of secret. he's more or less accepted this, no matter how it may hurt, because he loves his female lead enough to let her go. it's enough to be by her side, however she wants him there. even if she's always on his mind, she doesn't need to be his whole being. baek kyung cannot accept that he is the second male lead of eun dan-oh's life (which is stretching the definition honestly). maybe if he had, they would form a genuine friendship. instead he imposes himself on her relationship and on her life because he cannot cope with the idea that if given the choice, she wouldn't pick the guy who belittles her constantly.

he's an unfortunate example of "hurt people hurt people".

it doesn't matter if he's on stage or in the shadow. baek kyung's home life is always awful. there has to be something uniquely painful about the discovery that your actions, your life, your personhood, were entirely scripted for you, when that's already been your reality for so long anyway. there is a life outside of his life but it's really more of the same. being a fictional character makes sense. he was never allowed to be real. it still hurts.

for baek kyung, hating the manhwaga is just transference. his father has already done enough to prove to him that he's a pawn in someone else's game. he hates this man, he resents the pain he's put him through. but when the stage is set, he also is vying so hard for his father's approval. how much of that emotional dissonance is left when he's back in the shadow?

his life is unfair, he's not alone in that. but he may be the only one who's not being taught how to cope with it. there's a little clique that's formed around the shared self-awareness, and he rarely steps into it. they rarely reach out to pull him in. he probably has few tools to understand how to ask for help. he probably cannot figure out the kind of help he actually needs.

and it doesn't help that the manhwaga instilled him with the core emotions of loneliness and rage. feelings that are hard to overcome without a lot of support. it's so easy for it all to turn to self-hate as he continues to be just wretched to everyone around him. he's asked what makes him act like that when he has the choice not to and he can't answer. he probably can't process that it is a choice. it's one thing for him to be so harmful when he's not in control of his actions, but he can't understand why he's still like that when in the shadow. he doesn't know how to change.

he's not a monster, he's just a kid.

baek kyung does monstrous things. vile, even evil, things. but he is so broken, and confused, and misguided, and hurt. and none of that makes the things he does okay. dan-oh would be within her rights to never forgive him – either universe's version of him – for the things he did to her. but just like his pain can't erase the way he harms people, his actions don't erase the fear in him. if he touches his terminally ill girlfriend's hand for support, that kindness will kill her. it's not true, it's not rational, but it's a very real scar that no one around him has even recognized.

he doesn't really deserve forgiveness. but in the end, he's trying to do the right thing so he can earn it anyway. he makes a choice that is not only about letting go, but about breaking a cycle of violence. he hates his father and the manhwaga for treating him like a tool, he resents his step-family and his schoolmates for ignoring his pain. he uses dan-oh as a tool to vent his ire and frustration, then as a generator of hope that might quell his loneliness. and he hates himself for it. because he knows that it's not right for him to ignore the pain that self-aware dan-oh would be feeling...if he allowed ha-ru to bring her back.

he knows it's not right. he doesn't know how to fix it and still be happy. so he chooses not to be. which is the right choice. it's the selfless choice. it's an unfair choice. because he's just a hurt kid and his childhood friend/arranged fiancee/abuse victim shouldn't be his only ray of hope. she forgives him, she tells him she doesn't see him as the monster he thinks he is, she allows him to express an apology so he can start to heal.

all it takes for him to begin to see a life that he doesn't spend alone and hurt is for his brother to see him. for him to hear from someone close that they see his loneliness, and who he is without it, and they believe he deserves better. they're sorry they didn't help him have something better. all he needed was i see you, i love you, i'm sorry.

baek kyung is a violent, unstable, manipulative asshole.

baek kyung is a hurt, confused, scared child.

he is all of those things, and that is what makes him so fascinating. that is what makes him an excellent sympathetic villain. in a story about regaining autonomy and saving your own life, there could be few better redeemed antagonists than an abused child who learns to stop being abusive.

[walkingwiththegods1]

The Deities, are more greater than the images and myths; than we have of them! (Or... To how they show up to us!)

    The Gods and Goddesses, show themselves in ways than trespass our knowledge; meaning than they are not enclosed to they way they appeared in myths, and the way they look; could be closer or exactly, as how they are describe in myths. (But... We shouldn't be distracted in how they look so much, 'cause is the way they act and their energies; is what we should pay more attention, equally as the words they say: Is the only way to know, if we are with deities, or... Dealing with impostors, than copy the appearances of Deities; to confused us and misleading us) Saying that... I will say how is my interaction with The Gods and Goddesses, in all the time I have with them: Maybe, you may find something useful in this info; or, than focus in your relation with them, is more important than how they appeared to us. (And that their actions speak volumes about their complex character and feelings toward us, even when we didn't knew than they want to help us... )

    Aphrodite... She is a very skillfull warrior too, and she is the kind of Goddess; than doesn't accept disrespect of no one. (Specially, of men...) ...She is strong, determined and beautiful; beyond words! She can be extremely serious sometimes, at the point I have felt worried for her; and it pains me so much to saw her like that, and the only thing I can do is being at her side; until she backs to have an genuine smile again, and filled the place with her warm, bright and loving energy. (When I'm going to sleep, or after I have awake; I felt her hugging me; which help me to fall sleep easily at night, or... Wake up in a joyful state, ready for the day ahead! [Curiously... She is very strong too, 'cause under her soft skin; it felts very solid: How that is even possible?!... I have not idea!])

    Loki... I have moments than I have seen him serious, and in deep thought; (Sometimes, I feel like he is remembering something) he is a loving father to all his children, and he sometimes do something nice and unexpected for me; like when he teached me to fight with a sword in three dreams in a row I had with him, ''Just in case...''; or, when in a vision he put his hand over one of my shoulders; and healed me together with Athena quickly, of a horrible migraine's attack. He appeared to me a few years ago in a few dreams, as Loki! Marvel; Tom Hiddleston, or; as Damon Salvatore... Until I told him than I didn't like that joke anymore, so... He stopped! He usually appears to me, as blond with medium short hair and midnight blue eyes; ( 'Cause he know than I like blonds too much) and sometimes, he appears as a man with long red hair with pale skin and green eyes; rarely, as a brunette... But, he never loses his unique energetic's signature and personality; his love for sweets, or... His flirtatious nature!

    Athena... She appears to me, like in ''Saint Seiya''; (Except, than her hair is medium dark brown; she looks as made of flesh and bones, her eyes have the color of new leaves bathed in sunlight; wears her helmet and armor, mostly with her spear in one of her hands; and... Than her eyes, are not that big) She sometimes looks relaxed too, and she can be very compassionate; so... She doesn't always is, in ''Big Stern Sister Mode'' with me; which is something I'm very thankful with her, like when she just showed up to sit next to me; when my ex-friends betrayed me, after she warned me to don't trusted them that much; but sadly, I didn't listen to her; in that time.

    Hades... He appears to me, like in ''Saint Seiya'', (Except, than he looks of flesh and bones; he doesn't have those big chunks of hair at the sides of his head, and... Than he is, not ''The bad guy!'') and he wears a long white ancient tunic, and sometimes; an ancient long black shirt with long black pants. He has a stern but calm energy, than commands respect; and he show interest in what people feels when they are as his vicinity; to the point than he was really sorry for me, when I figured it out about something I was to ask to him; but he just confirmed my suspicions. (That's why he is like a big brother to me: He really cares, and he really does have a heart!)

    Thor... He appears to me, as this big muscle young man with his hammer; wearing a black with red Nordic tunic, big belt and pants; (AND, By the way... Redheaded, with a red beard) with this ''Full of energy and ready for a challenge's attitude'', than makes a delight, to have him near. Curiously, when I was writing about him; he was trying to calmed me down with his words, while I was very angry and furious on how he is portraited in the Media; specially, in the last years. (In fact... He looked really excited, when I was going to watch ''Thor: The Dark World''; and before I leaved the house to watch the movie, he was like acting as the actors of the Marvel Movies and acting with Loki; in front of me: With Thor, as a brother... Is hard to be angry at something for too long, when he does things like that... LOL!)  

    Gaia... She appears to me, like a 25 years old woman with dark red hair and eyebrows; slightly tan skin, dark green eyes, red lips, thick dark eyelashes; mediun frame body, wearing a tunic of three colors; (brown on top, bright red at the medium of her body; and bright green in her skirt) her hair in a medium thick red braid surrounding the rest of her free down hair, always barefoot, and... Like visible pregnant. Her energy is warm and strong, with eyes than speak of endless love to all her children: The kind of love than never give up on anyone, waiting than they get out of Darkness; to never back to fall in it, again! And, as a mother... She will be harsh with us too, if that is what we need to return to Humanity's real nature: Kindness.

    Ares... He may looks intimidating, (You know: Always in a short armor, with sword in hand; helmet on his head, and everything...) BUT... After months of moving into a new house, he showed up to me one night; after days I was wondering when he will come to see me, and he appeared in silence to surprise me; and when I felt his energy in the vision; I turned around to saw him armored and smiling me at me, with open arms... I just standed up, and run quickly to hug him, and he just gave me one of the warmest hugs; I ever recieved in my life. (Is like the Cousin I always dreamed, than was good with me! [And sometimes, we played fists-fights; as way to show affection to each other...]) He appears to me, like a young man with medium long reddish brown hair; with big brown eyes; a beautifully tan colored skin, a body with medium size muscles, wearing a short white tunic under his armor, and... Armored, from feet to head!

    Poseidon... He appears to me, like in ''Saint Seiya''; (Except... Than he looks of flesh and bones, his hair is dark reddish brown; and looks almost black when is wet; his skin is more pale than in this series, and... He's not Evil!... [Just, a bit moody; sometimes...]) His energy, is like The Sea: Deep, and surrounds all around you. In visions, he is seems with his trident and he looks very imposing even without it; and sometimes, I have saw him mostly near of mermaids and/or witches; looking at him with amorous eyes and sighing at his sight... (I can't blame them: He's really beautiful, respectful; very chilvarious, and flirts a lot... [That's why he have so many kids, during The Myth's Era?!...])  

    Odin... He appears to me, (Mostly, in my visions of Asgard; and rarely, far from it) with a long white Nordic tunic till the ankles; white boots, mostly with his Spear, white long hair and beard, (But looks strong and powerful, despite the white hair and beard) and mostly; with one blue eye than is very expresive, 'cause can transmit Interest, being amused; or sadness, even if the rest of his face, doesn't show any emotion: He is very stern, and looks like he is always thinking in something; his voice is so strong to the point than you can't focus in nothing else, until he finished to talk. His energy is so strong, than I felt than it can fill the whole place.

    Hel... She appears to me, (Mostly in Helheim, but at times; in our world) as a young redheaded woman; with her hair at the high of her shoulder, with a long white Nordic dress til her ankles and white boots, (sometimes, with a long clear grey Nordic dress) clear green eyes, rose lips; and... She showed in two ways: In ones, she appears as a redhead as I described above; but, in most times; she appears as half redhead with a clear green eye; and the other half... Is totally dark. (Meaning: You can't distinguished nothing in her other half, like in a shadow: I never was afraid of her appearance, but... I admit than I was surprised the first time I saw her like that, and it takes me a awhile; to finally get uses to saw her like that!) Her face is stern, and doesn't show emotions; and the only way to know how she feels, is looking at her eye/eyes. Loki, sometimes appears near of her; and acts like a loving father than still looks after his child, even if she is now; The Queen of The Underworld. (...Awwwww!...)

    Quetzalcoatl... He appears to me, (Mostly in my visions of Pre-Hispanic Mexico, in sometimes in visions of Ancient towns in Central America, and sometimes; in dreams) in his human form: A blond young man with white pale skin, beard; and blue-green eyes. He is very compassionate, and loves people unconditionally; but I realized than he have a very positive humour, and is very patient with me; when he is trying to teachs me the next piece of wisdom I need, to navigate safetly in The Spiritual World!  

    Oya... She have a joyful side, and likes to dance a lot; (When she is not angry, of course) and I saw her in visions, with a tall and long black ponytail; wearing a burgundy cloth wraped around her chest and a burgundy skirt till the knees, chocolate skin color, dark purple lips, wearing copper brazalets on her arms and ankles; and with amber eyes: Her energy is lively, (been chaotic at times, angry or joyful; at times) and she looks like an African Queen, 'cause she have this air of elegancy and security.

    Artemis... I saw her frecuently, when a was a little kid; and she stopped to appeared to me, a few months after I turned 6 years old. I saw her again when I was a teen, many years later: When I was little, she appeared in front of me as a young woman with a very dark brown loose hair; and a white long ancient tunic in her twenties. When she appeared again in my life, she was wearing a short white tunic; with a pair of braided golden sandals, her arrow and bow, with her hair in a high ponytail and a diadem made of silver with the moon engraved in the center, green eyes; rosy-pale skin, and...  rose color lips. Her energy, feels wild and hyper at moments; and very calm and collect, at others. Sometimes, I saw her too with Apollo; than looks exactly like her, (except, than he have golden blond hair; and is a bit taller than her) and in those times; they mostly get along really well, showing how fraternal love really looks like: Respect and care for each other, above all the things!

    Morrígan... She appeares to me, (Mostly, in visions in Ireland; and sometimes far from it) as a young woman with bright long red hair and white pale skin; bright grey eyes, red lips, which wears two different clothes: In some times, she wears an Ancient Irish clothing for warriors and with a sword; and in others... She wears a beautiful long dark blue dress, with engravings than is similar as ''The Eternity's Knot'', around the shoulders; and in both clothes, she looks secure and fierce; and wears dark boots. Her energy feels for me, like fire: Bright, warm; beautiful, and can change quickly from; been barely notable... To be all over the place, in matter of seconds! She can be joyful too, and likes to use magic once in a while; and she have this way of act, than makes me believe without a doubt, than she really is like her name: A Queen! (Plus: When she dances The Irish Traditional Dance... Is so contagious, than I have ended dancing by her side! [...I'm not very good in it, but; in that moments... I don't care!])

     Eris... She appears to me, as a young woman with a white slightly tan skin; with long curly brown reddish hair; green eyes, and rosy pale lips, with an ancient greek red armor over a long black dress, a sword; and very combative in character. Her energy is chaotic and strong, (Like a warrior very eager to fight) and she uses her disruptive energy; to makes than people finally have the strenght to end with relations in their lifes than are not fair; or than will provoque more suffering if we cling of them, out of fear to be alone; or, of not finding a place to be happy.

     Anubis... I don't have much to say about him, except; than I have never saw him angry, and he has a cool and very comforting energy.

     Amaterasu... I don't have much to say, about Amaterasu-Sama; except... She appears to me, as a young woman dress in a long white kimono with long sleeves till her wrists, red sandals; a red cotton bell around her waist, her black and perfectly combed long hair till the waist, with a perfect pale skin, dark brown eyes; thin black eyebrows, rosy lips, and... Her energy is so positive, warm and full of light. (...Just like The Sun!)

    Dionysus... I just saw him three times, but his energy is very refreshing and a bit over the place: He appeared in front of me, as a young man with a short white or burgundy ancient tunic; dark blue eyes, slightly tan skin, and dark blond hair. He can look so sad at times, one can feel very bad for him and trying to makes him feel better; and looks so lose in thought... Than it feels, like there is ''entire stories''; behind those eyes!

    Guabancex... She appeared to me mostly, as a very pale 25 years old woman with dark brown eyes; black long thick flowing hair till the end of her back, black thin eyebrows, dark cherry lips, wearing a Native American golden slip skirt; (like in those drawings of Native Women of The Arawaks) over a modern black suit till the ankles and long sleeves, a golden cape till the ankles, and with a thick circle crown of gold around her head: Even if she is a Deity, ''Than I love, to hate''... I have felt sympaty for her at times, when she said to me in visions; how hard is being in your land, where she was so worshipped and loved; and when today... She doesn't have the respect of people in her own lands, and they doesn't even remembered her myths, and neither her name. When Fiona was to hit my country, she blends reality in my vision; and even when I was totally awake... I saw her pass in front of me and felt her energy for a moment, the day before Fiona entered and caused devastation: I felt her energy, everytime than some disaster is about to hit somewhere soon; in The Caribbean. Her energy is chaotic and very strong, but she have moments of calm and positive energy, too. (Is weird: She can handle positive and negative energy, and change from one to the other in seconds; without any effort of her part!)

    Even if Deities may copy their looks from TV Shows, Movies; and; from different kinds of Animations/Animes... I see them in dreams and visions, in the same way than you see a person; than talks in front of you: Very real!

    Deities, can be identified for their energetic signature: Each Deity or Spirit, has an unique energy than lingers in a dream; vision, or in real life for a while; and once you are sure than is an benevolent being, then... Is your job to learn, to how to know to differentiate the energy of each one of them; including the Spirits or Deities than visits you little. (Don't worry, and take your time: You will have moments than, after a few weeks or months trying to identified to two or more of them... You will have your ''Eureka moment!''; but in others, it will take longer than that; and you will have to pay more attention to your intuition; together with the symbols and the words they spoke, to finally being able to one day identified them; as soon than they appear in front of you, [like when you are visited by a friend; than before he or she speaks to you, you feel the fragrance in your nose as soon they enters your house; and you realized who EXACTLY is the person, than came to see you: Is the same with Spirits and Deities, just than... You have to do the same, with their particular energetic signature.])

    People thinks than, The Deities than are different of each other; or of different Pantheons, fights against each other constantly for all the eternity, or can't joined for a common well; BUT, that is not what I have seen; in all the time I have knew them...

    ...Gaia, is treated with the utmost respect; even by Deities of other places.

     ...I saw to Aphrodite and Athena, being good with each other; as family.

    …Poseidon and Loki, leaved their rivalry for a while for came to my aid; together with other Deities.

    …Loki and Aphrodite, seems to be okay with an emotional and romantic relation; with the same mortal.

     ...Greeks and Norses Deities, with Krishna; they appeared one day to save me in real life, of been robbed; or hurt.

      ...Loki, with Eris; Ares, Athena and Poseidon, saved my life one night; when I almost did something horrible. ...And...

      ...Guabancex, is the one than presented me to other Gods and Goddesses; and they respect her, because they are in her lands: The Gods and Goddesses, showed me than differences between their own Pantheons; or with Deities of other Cultures... Are not really important; in the end.

    And, that's all in this post; and remember than The Gods and Goddesses love us; and they talk to us in subtle ways, even to the ones than can't hear them or see them; at all. (Pay attention to your dreams, or used any of the tools I suggested in my ''Paganism Class 101: Ways to Communicate to The Gods and Goddesses'', so you can uses a safe channel to know or ask to who reach to you; while you gain an stronger intuition.) And take your time: I have to exercises my own Intuition for years, than now is just as important; as my other six senses.

    Than you be able to see to The Deities, with the eyes of your Heart and Soul... So Be It!

[sad-swagatorius]

Solve et Coagula - Distilling Fear

Solve et coagula. Dissolve and coagulate. While many a laymen are familiar with the alchemical idea of creating something precious from the form of something base or mundane –  transforming lead into gold, for example – they may not know that this concept is integral to the foundations of alchemy itself. To take something and distill it into its purest, most perfect form is the theory behind the Great Work and creation of the Philosopher’s Stone. 

To borrow a metaphor from Tumblr user cryptotheism, if an alchemist wanted to create the perfect cake, they may begin by breaking an existing cake down into its separate parts. The goal would be to find  perfect Flour and Sugar and Eggs, because these perfect ingredients will surely combine to create the perfect Cake. Solve et coagula.

As we have noticed, alchemy will likely play a significant role in the story of The Magnus Protocol. Solve et coagula, I think, provides an explanation for our favorite set of numbers: the DPHW.

For the purpose of this post, I am assuming that the DPHW corresponds to Death, Pain, Helplessness, and Weird on a scale as determined by the “Theory of Fears; or Zur Furchtlehre” post. Even should the exact words be different for categorization (Death vs. Despair) the heart of the matter remains the same. 

In cataloging cases, our doomed protagonists are assigning each incident a DPHW according to the guidebook they’ve been provided. At some point, someone took the time to rate each and every subset of fear on this scale. For example, episode six introduces us to case CAT1RB4824-09022024-12022024, with the DPHW of “Injury (needles) -/- intimidation [999 call]” being giving a rating of 4 in Death, 8 in Pain, 2 in Helplessness, and 4 in Weird. Our good friend Needles isn’t the most horrible fear around, much to their chagrin, but they do rate highly in Pain. Assuming this is a zero-to-nine scale, they’ve almost reached the top on their first appearance. Congrats, Needles! But other than adding more numbers to an already lengthy case number, what practical purpose does this rating serve?

The purpose, I posit, of identifying the strongest, purest instances of fear’s component parts. 

Nines in a DPHW are not rare according to the Klaus document. However, we’ve yet to see a case with a DPHW containing multiple nines. We also have multiple DPHWs continuing zeros, but never more than once in a case.

There is one case that interests me where the DPHW (TSHU at the time) was 1191. Most other data about it is gone, but alone it is unique. Whatever happened here, someone felt very helpless. You could even call this case an example of pure Helplessness… almost. 

It’s possible that the O.I.A.R. is searching for and flagging cases that exhibit the perfect, distilled components of fear. Then, once all have been identified, the logical next step is to combine them. Coagulate them. Creating pure, unadulterated Fear. A Philosopher's Stone of Terror, able to spawn and create more Fear as it so pleases, or at the whim of whoever holds it. 

Is the O.I.A.R. trying to create Fear or respond before someone else can? Who’s to say. I’ll just be very interested to see by what process Fear is distilled.

Note: I’m at this moment unsure how the Tria Prima fit into this equation (Salt/Body, Sulfur/Soul, Mercury/Mind). Perhaps the distillation is also impacted by them, and noted in the CAT#. God knows how the R fits into this.

[bluegekk0]

Hello, I heard about the ask that you received from the anon and I am very sorry that you have to deal about that and I know that you are very insecure about your au being “not making any sense” but I don’t want you to think that way because you are just an artist who just loves pale king and makes cool ideas

Your au is not cringe or bad, your au is unique and creative, and you should be proud of it its just that sometimes that others can be jerks and assholes to people

You are not really alone because I share the same anxiety and worry as same as you every time I think about posting stuff about my own au as well.

I got an idea about what if winged nosk and nosk didn’t die but the survived from ghost and hornet

I headcanon that winged nosk was killed by hornet/herrah and ascended from godhome and I would like to make an au about what if winged nosk didn’t die but survived and was seeking revenge together with nosk (ghost nosk) which is why I made the devious duo au

Last couple months ago, I received a very heart amount of criticism from an anon in my inbox, about how much that they think that having winged nosk and nosk together would be a  crackship and a abomination of a kind and it would end badly as well and a couple of more stuff that I don’t like to put in detail…..

I wasn’t even trying to ship them both together, and I just thought that I think that winged nosk and nosk would be good teammates and all but the person whoever sent the ask is probably dirty minded and I made me so uncomfortable that I literally deleted all my old devious au stuff and including the comic cover I made. I really lost all my courage and I was very hesitant to post nosk art but I still post more nosk art because I still loved the character despite I received the most uncomfortable and painful ask I received in my inbox

Same as you, I created the devious duo au because it is just my comfort au and I love to make stuff about the nosks because I think that they are cool and I believed that they needed more attention because they don’t get enough love and they don’t get that much popularity from others which is why I kept drawing them

Everytime I see posts about your feral pale king au and your rambles, you gave me a bit of courage and confidence  to post the introduction of my au which I am very insecure about because it doesn’t fit in hk lore

I deleted my old art and introduction and all my nosk duo art files because I was so insecure about it and I was thinking if I should abandon it forever like I did to my old pale king au and my other au ideas (I used to be a fan of pale king but I threw away all my pale king fanart because I was scared of hate)

There are even times I tried to delete my tumblr account because I fear of getting bullied of the stuff I make

But its just an AU! And everyone is just having Fun!

I AM SO SORRY FOR THIS LONG ASK AKJHAKJSH

oh don't worry about it at all! i love reading through long asks like this!

that sounds horrible, i am so sorry you had to deal with those anons, no one deserves that kind of treatment, especially over something so harmless. people are way too judgmental and entitled when it comes to stuff like this, and it pisses me off every time i see it. i'm really sorry you had to go through that

your au idea sounds very interesting! i think i mentioned it to you at some point, it might have been on discord, i don't remember. but i always find it so charming and so inspiring when i see people attached to really minor (and often unpopular) characters, like nosk/winged nosk in your case

seriously, what that anon said to you is so cruel and for what? a harmless au idea? it's horrible. again, i'm really sorry that happened to you. and i'm sorry to hear how much it affected your confidence

if i can offer some advice, as someone who also has confidence issues, just do what you love. some people will have a problem with it, it's inevitable, but as long as you're not hurting anyone and are just enjoying yourself, to hell with them. they don't deserve your time, and you shouldn't waste time thinking about what they're gonna say. i know it's difficult sometimes, there are times when stuff like that really gets to you, i know that, i've been there. but think about all the other people who enjoy your work and want to see it, people who leave nice comments and reblog your art to show it to more people. and most importantly of all, think of yourself and how happy working on your au makes you. that is what really matters. we're all here to enjoy ourselves, after all

and if it doesn't "fit the lore"? if it "goes against the canon"? screw that. i have great respect for people who are careful and stay true to the canon, that's dedication on its own. but the idea that it's the only way to enjoy something is bullshit. make goofy aus. go crazy with them. if it makes you happy, then there's nothing wrong with that. the way i see it personally, canon is a good starting point for creativity, not a set of rules. more of a suggestion. you don't have to strictly follow it, that would be boring, if you ask me

i really hope you can find more confidence. if my art can help you with that, then that makes me happier than you can imagine. and please, if you ever need any words of encouragement, or just want to chat and share your ideas, you're always free to message me. we need to support each other, and we need to hype each other up. that's what being an artist is about, creating stuff and inspiring others

you got this friend, i believe in you. draw what makes you happy, share it with people who care. because people do care, there's always someone who does. stay strong ❤️