#but there’s also just a lot of aro/autism overlap? so

[dungeonmeshi-confessions]

I wanna do more kabumisu positivity following that other anon. it really brightened my day so much.

bc really I dont want to bash other ships to lift mine up!!! and I actually also really love and respect labru, and know the majority of labru shippers arent Like That, just like most kabumisu shippers arent Like That. every group has some annoying, loud, opinionated people and they dont represent the average person who likes the ship, you know? I would love to see some labrus follow suit and send in some positivity as well!!! If the positivity keeps going I will come in here and post all my fave things about labru, labru art, and labru shippers as a kabumisu. lets ditch the bitching and hold hands instead!

anyway, some reasons I really love kabumisu

- as a neurodivergent disabled person dating another neurodivergent person, this is like. THE couple to me. and like its not just about mithrun being taken care of. taking care of mithrun actively helps kabru be more mindful of his own needs. In my life, I may struggle to feed myself, but I can make breakfast if my partner is hungry. other times she may do the same for me, it depends on who is doing worse.

-they both struggle with insomnia also

-from everything we've seen, pre-dungeon mithrun wasn't entirely dissimilar to kabru (high masking people pleaser) and thats Fascinating to me.

-kabru's job seems pretty stressful (no matter how much fulfillment it brings him, its a lot of responsibility for one person!) so I feel like coming home to that one guy he can take his mask off around and not even have to try and impress must be such a huge relief. also add mithrun with cooking experience to this, making kabru a nice meal after a long day of work.

-Mithrun is actually very perceptive and sees straight through kabru's bs multiple times and doesn't hesitate to call him out. Laios isnt the only character that forces kabru to be honest. ("unless theres someone else?" "theres someone you want to tell that story to.") mithrun is also the one who gives kabru the information he's been seeking this whole time.

-I am very interested in exploring mithruns whole desire situation. what desires does he gain? I think it is probably a lot of little ones that weave together. oh also I think sometimes things may seem more mithrun centric bc in any story where he is going to end up in a relationship he is going to have a much more dynamic arc than whoever he is paired with. literally dynamic as in like. he requires a lot more growth to achieve the outcome. and there are ways to skip it or gloss through it but. a lot of these stories require that in some way you show the progress has happened.

-to me, kabumisu is more often queeplatonic than romantic. but Im aroace so that could just be my aroace glasses. ALSO kabru is vaguely aro to me. you mean the guy thats super desirable that doesnt really seem interested in anyone particular outside of pursuing friendship? that guy? (also the way he did rin omfg)

-random but I dont think kabrus PTSD is talked about enough and also like the extent of his trauma. its not just utaya/monsters/his mom dying; its being raised by a single mother, its his blue eyes, its being adopted, its being raised by an elf, etc!!!! a lot of things he does bc of ptsd get attributed to autism (I also hc kabru as autistic, and some is symptom overlap. but it is secondary to the ptsd! he is traumatized first and foremost ty) I really love kabru so much. ty for the ptsd rep <3

-also out here to say I know an amount of kabumisu content is mithrun centric. I will tell you from my pov specifically though its bc I deeply relate to mithrun (as someone who once told a therapist many years ago I desired nothing and truly meant it. she said I was like a puppet without strings. of course I saw mithrun and was like. oh.) and Im in love with kabru. kabru reminds me of all the people who gave me a reason to pull through. people who saw good in me and treated me like a person when I didnt feel like one. I also really relate to kabru though as someone with complex trauma, even if my traumas are not the same. thats why I say I think not enough is attributed to his ptsd. anyway, once I just opened a notebook and wrote kabrus name over and over again with hearts. I have never done this to mithrun. so dont tell me kabumisus dont like kabru !!!

-kabru and mithrun are both so gender. Ive seen so many variants on their gender and gender expression in the ship. some people hate this and insist they must be one way or the other. I think theyre neat lots of different ways. I love when theyre both feminine men. I love when mithrun is super masc. I love when theyre butch4butch. I love when theyre both trans. and so much more. its all beautiful. a very good variety of food. the other day on my dash I had a tallman art of mithrun with the biggest tits imaginable and the very next post he was like a little porcelain doll. keep up the good work guys. I love you.

.

[texanmarcusdavenport]

Lab Rats' Headcanons

(Mostly just neurodivergence & sexuality/gender headcanons.)

Chase

THIS SUPERHUMAN IS TRANSGENDER & AUTISTIC. someone get this boy some sound-canceling headphones. his transness is a huge source of insecurity for him, & adam's constant teasing does NOT help.

he is also a bisexual disaster(TM).

Bonus! Spike

mostly i consider spike to be like a fragment in a DID system, or a more realistic version of AI--he has a very specific purpose & behavior parameters & beyond that, he doesnt really. think? especially since he only comes out once in a blue moon.

the commando app triggers differently for everyone. chase's trigger is his social anxiety & general insecurity, not fear, thus why spike never activates when he's in actual danger.

ace or demi spike is an interesting concept. he's only attracted to dainty feminine people or muscle-bound gym rats, no in-between.

i know people love spike angst but i think he's actually pretty happy with his life. he comes out, fucks shit up, then sleeps for another year. what more could a guy want?

Bree

she is so. lesbian with comphet. and also adhd (hyperactive-type).

transfem bree is also very compelling (it explains why she's so desperate to separate herself from her brothers & fit in w girls her age). i think bree could've had a nice arc realizing that womanhood isn't defined by the clothes you wear or how you act, you're a woman regardless of all those things. unfortunately disney is full of misogynistic cowards 😔

Adam

Adam 🤝 Bree -> comphet. Adam is soooo aroace to me. he pretends to be attracted to women because he knows that's what's expected of him (& also it's funny/allows him to make fun of Chase more).

he is cisgender unfortunately 😔 but the biggest trans ally ever (effects of having so many trans family members)! it takes him like. a single day to get used to the idea of nonbinary people. a little longer to get used to they/them pronouns but he's TRYING.

he teases Chase for being feminine but in a weird way it's supposed to be gender-affirming? i mean, you don't make fun of girls for being girly, that'd be stupid (<- his thoughts, not mine lmao).

he has autism AND adhd (combined-type). double whammy. his sensory issues & rsd combine to make him kinda irritable/sensitive. he's social but crowds make him nervous, especially from season 3 onward. his special interest/hyperfixation is weird collectible items (an interest he & bree kinda share).

Leo

nonbinary. chill with any pronouns but most people default to he/him. doesn't like dresses but does wear skirts on occasion.

pansexual or unlabeled. or possibly aspec? i don't know and neither does he, honestly. he just got here.

soooo adhd it's unreal. combined-type like adam. finally started taking his meds around season 3.

Donald

AUTISTIC. it runs in the family.

straight trans guy. kinda homophobic ngl.

Douglas

also trans (it runs in the family). i fully accept the headcanon that he's adam, bree, & chase's egg donor.

HEAR ME OUT. schizophrenic douglas? schizophrenia is often misdiagnosed with things like autism or npd, since they have a lot of overlap (eccentric ways of thinking, paranoia & trust issues can at times look like grandiosity, etc.). he probably made his own medication since he didn't like the ones his therapist put him on.

sooo bisexual disaster that's where chase gets it from <3

Marcus

not trans not cisgender but a secret third thing <3

(no seriously. technically he's cis because he was designed to be a guy & he has no desire to be a woman. technically he's trans because robots have no assigned gender & he's a guy. technically he's cis because robots have no assigned gender & he doesn't really view himself as having a gender. technically he's trans because he was designed to be a guy but he wouldnt really mind being a woman. technically--)

i also like the idea of transfem marcus? no real reason it just appeals to me. bree would be so excited to have a sister <3

ace. not aro but he views romance very very differently from most people. he'd only date someone who's really interesting to him. he gets his taste in romantic partner from douglas lmao.

SOOOO NPD & BPD. the constant lying. belief that he's better than everyone else but Not Really. mood swings. tunnel vision. dramatics. black & white thinking. feelings of emptiness. daddy issues. it's all there baby. he also has anxiety but don't bother telling him he'll just deny it lmao.

marcus knows a fair bit of ASL. he became aware of it because someone in drama club is Deaf; he likes how expressionate and to the point the language is.

marcus was originally one of the robots that the davenport brothers built to handle bionics. it's possible that donald helped build him at one point.

when they were building him, douglas went behind donald's back & equipped marcus with all sorts of things, such as a very primitive version of the triton app, mostly serving as a communication channel. that's why his eyes glow green.

(based off of this post) marcus also has a commando app named mike. mike's trigger is marcus' anxiety about not being "human enough", thus why he's just a Normal Guy.

Daniel(le)

transfem, obviously. major tomboy. actually 15 but looks younger due to the puberty blockers she's on. (her being thirteen fucks up the timeline in my head.)

she was adopted by a lesbian couple but they're. kinda neglectful. scratch that, really neglectful. thus how quick she was to accept douglas as her father.

bree is really excited to have a sister. she ends up mildly disappointed because she wanted to do things like go shopping & to the spa & talk about boys etc etc but danielle's not really into that stuff. luckily they can still bond over pranking adam & chase.

[vilevexedvixen]

Compulsory sexuality and allo ace solidarity!

I am not sure if I am allo or ace. I relate to most of the supposedly ace-specific experiences and appeals of kink mentioned past the 17 minute mark. However, I find it extremely dismissive to summarise all even slightly non-hypersexual experiences as being exclusively ace, since allosexuals vary in libido, desire to (not) seek out sex, receptibility to sexual advances, interest in sex generally, etc. between each other and across their own lifetimes.

To be treated with hostility and aversion by people when you express disinterest in sex or any more nuanced feelings around it is not an exclusively ace experience. The same people who will be indignant towards someone rejecting their advances regardless of the reason for said rejection or what group the rejecting party is part of. An expectation to participate in (especially vanilla and monogamous) sex, or treat sex as an inevitability in a relationship people are expected to uphold affects everyone. Questions of when you'll "give your grandparents grandchildren" or demanding to know what you've been doing while simply hanging with friends is no less intrusive and uncomfortable just because it's said to someone who may enthusiastically consent to sex more often than not. Relegating criticism of compulsory sexuality to ace discourse misses the point that these are worth challenging in their own right, and help normalise ace experiences due to how they overlap with shared experiences between other groups (and I feel it needs mentioning that experiences that ARE ace-exclusive are valid and should be accepted, not just the experiences allos can also identify with).

Also, I feel like ace people make up more than just 1% of the population Meghan. The language and discourse around asexuality is very recent, so there are undoubtedly millions of asexuals who don't have the language to articulate their identity and experiences yet. As knowledge of asexuality and questioning of compulsory sexuality is more accepted, you can bet many many more people will feel they fit the ace or grey-ace label. Kind of like how autism is a lot more common than originally believed, due to understanding and knowledge of autism being different and limited before. Given the undue backlash against the asexual label, often on the basis of every classifying experience being "something everyone experiences", less invalidates asexuality and instead affirms that most people lay somewhere on the greysexual spectrum even if they remain personally unlabeled. True allosexuality (absolute, unchanging ability to feel sexual attraction, and wanting and enjoyment of sex absolutely) is much rarer, I'd argue.

People are sensitive to what affects them and insensitive to what does not, which is why so many aphobes believe ace and aro people aren't valid or don't suffer despite perpetuating the very thing they claim doesn't exist. By that same token, allo people are very aware of the ways sexual attraction is only selectively accepted amd under arbitrary conditions, making any comment expressing a lack of sexual attraction or dislike of sex appear most like an attack rather than just how someone personally experiences life.

I also generally feel most acespec discourse is US-centric. Aphobia is a thing in the UK but TERF island isn't able to multitask very well.

[asexual-society]

CW: mental health, maybe?

So I'm a little confused if these labels contradict each other... Is it possible to be demisexual but also experience hypersexuality/hyperromantic attraction and a strong sex drive once you feel that emotional connection has been made? I don't make friends that easily, and don't really enjoy the idea of casual hookups/short term relationships/one night stands, but I also tend to fall for people I consider true friends quite quickly. Additionally, I have difficulty determining if my attractions are platonic or romantic and more often than not, whenever I start getting close enough to a new trusted friend I begin to develop a sudden intense, romantic infatuation for them that may or may not involve fantasizing about them in a sensually intimate and sometimes sexual way. Would this be classified as Demisexual Hyperromantic? Some kind of Demi-flux or Grey-flux orientation? Is this just a form of neurodivergence (diagnosed autism/ADHD, seeking possible BPD diagnosis) overlapping with demisexuality? Any insight at all would be appreciated.

Hey anon! Yeah, I think it's totally normal for a demisexual person (or any acepec person!) to have a strong sex drive, regardless of whether or not they're in a relationship or even experiencing sexual or romantic attraction. Being hypersexual has nothing to do with orientation, and while some asexual people can find any amount of libido/sex drive they feel to be distressing, this isn't a universal experience (meanwhile, hypersexuality is typically distressing by definition, and may be linked to your neurodivergence (or may not)). I'd actually never heard of 'hypperromantic' as a descriptor before looking it up just now, you learn something new every day. As far as I can gather it's not a recognised medical term like hypersexuality is, although I won't go into my thoughts on it either as a counterpoint to hypersexuality or its common usage here.

As an autistic person you might form close relationships differently to an allistic person, and how you feel within those relationships might also be different, so two things can be true, just like you might find it hard to differentiate between different forms of attraction because of your neurodivergence, or it might be unrelated. Many autistic people feel like their asexuality or aromanticism is closely tied to their autism and many do not (as someone who may be autistic, I personally feel like my asexuality and aromanticism are closely tied to how other autistic people perceive me as autistic, but I've been IDing as aro and ace way longer than I've even considered being autistic so I don't see them as connected at all. A psychologist may disagree, but it's not up to them what or how you feel).

It's fine to have thoughts of an intimate/romantic/sensual/sexual nature like that about people you're close to, regardless of how you actively and consciously feel about them because brains love to test things out like that. To put it simply, if you find you really want to act on those thoughts then that's a good sign it's attraction you're feeling, but if you don't or you think you would but not so much that you're drawn to do it, then it might not be. I sometimes think about kissing my friends, and there are some of my friends I would kiss, for example, but I wouldn't go out of my way to try it, I'm mostly just touch starved.

For demisexual people there's no rule to say how often you feel the strong bond you need for the possibility for sexual attraction to happen, it might be very rare that you feel a strong bond and even rarer to experience attraction following it, or it might happen a lot. If you feel like your demisexuality fluctuates over time and sometimes you feel more ace or allo and at other times you feel more demi, then you could be demiflux if that's a label that feels helpful to you, but if not, you don't have to use it.

Hope this helps anon!

~ mod key

[that-gay-guy-from-hell]

So I have been thinking about this for a while now and wanted to post this somewhere. A good majority of the DMC fandom sees Vergil as Autistic; which don't get me wrong, I love that H/C since I have the 'tism. However. I cannot ignore that a lot of PTSD "symptoms" overlap with Autism and/or other neurodivergent "conditions". It is 100% undeniable that Vergil (and Dante) would/do have PTSD. Just the fact that their house burnt down which split them apart and killed their remaining parent is probable cause for PTSD--not to mention the literal dozens of other things that have happened to/between the brothers (I mean think about the Nelo Angelo shit for fucksake like holy crap, there is no way he didn't get fucked up from that; which, in DMC 5, had literal bodies lmfaoo). So as much as I love the H/C; I can't see him being cannonly autistic (unlike, for example, Dante being canonly Aro/Ace). Vergil just seems like a guy with extreme PTSD that likes literature. I don't know, I just have been thinking about this for a while and wanted to rant/talk about this somewhere lmao I ALSO WANT TO MAKE THIS CLEAR: I HAVE NOT READ VISIONS OF V AND I AM SOLELY BASING MY INFO ON THE GAMES. I DON'T KNOW IF THAT HAS MORE STUFF THAT WOULD CORRESPOND TO HIM BEING AUTISTIC OR NOT. I'd love to hear other thoughts about this! Please be respectful though, I have issues with tone and just overall communicating (especially online) so please don't be an asshole. Thanks!

MASTER LIST FOR TUMBLR

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

As an autistic person, I’ve always loved differently. I started using the aro label a few months ago. As time passes, I feel more and more comfortable with it. But there are still some doubts that make me feel invalid. I like romance and I crave a meaningful relationship.

I saw a lot of people here saying they realized that a friendship would’ve been enough for them. I can’t say this about myself. I want to feel special to this person. A qpr would be ideal. I think this might be why I’ve never felt trapped in a relationship. Yet another thing that makes me feel invalid.

I’ve looked around for aro micro-labels and felt quite drawn to fictoromantic. Even though I don’t feel too uncomfortable in a real relationship, I don’t experience the kind of joy I feel in fictional scenarios. It’s just careless and feels natural. I value my real life relationships of all kinds. But they‘re mentally draining. In my mind, socializing isn’t exhausting. Physical contact doesn’t feel uncomfortable. I can’t feel the breath of another person or hear unpleasant sounds. It’s not overwhelming. There’s nothing causing me to go into a meltdown. It‘s pure bliss.

But does it count that way? When the reason I feel more comfortable with fictional relationships is that real ones are too draining and unpleasant due to autism? I feel like I should try harder. Keep masking and fitting into this role that I want myself to play. But then again, aren’t I supposed to feel comfortable with a partner? And not just keep an act up?

I feel like this is another “normal” thing I failed at. But if I’ve learned anything in my life, it is that I can’t change my autism and need to accept it. Find another way to live. My own way. Even if that means accepting that there are things I simply can’t do or have. At least not in the default way.

In the end, fictional scenarios are the perfect way of having the romance I crave without feeling overwhelmed and uncomfortable. But I feel like this is too much of a choice I made in order to function. It works, but is that okay? Can I be fictoromantic when I don’t have a problem falling for real people? When I‘m simply saying 'this doesn’t work for me' and then pick the fictoromantic label? I‘m sorry for this long rant!

It's important to remember that labels can be pragmatic. They can work for you in practice and be useful for you. Remember labels at the end of the day are tools, so it's all about what tool works for the job. So if in practice you're only interested in fictional characters, I think that's find to ID as fictoromantic.

Remember too that the full definition of fictoromantic is "anyone who experiences exclusive romantic attraction toward fictional characters, a general type of fictional characters, or whose romantic orientation is influenced by fictional characters." (definition taken from the LGBTIA Wiki, emphasis mine). So it is actually an umbrella term, and people are attracted to real people do find this label useful too.

If this label isn't feeling right, I can make other suggestions. Aegoromantic for example is used a lot by people who enjoy the concept of romance but feel a disconnect between themselves and the subject of their romantic feelings. So basically people who enjoy romance as a concept but don't want to be participants themselves.

Another is lithromantic/akoiromantic, where people experience romantic attraction/feelings but don't want or need those feelings to be reciprocated.

There are definitely overlap between labels, what label feels right to you is very subjective (and you don't have to choose just one). It's also possible you've heard of the other two labels but still settled on fictoromantic as the ones that fits you the best and that's fine too. But the most important thing is that you're listening to yourself and going with the label that you feel is best for you, and is the most useful for you.

I would also like to say I think you're on exactly the right path when you talk about not forcing yourself to be normative, and doing what feels right for you. Definitely keep listening to that voice about what feels right for you.

All the best, Anon! Good luck!

[just-nebularomantic-things]

Also really glad to see that your blog is cluster-B safe! Despite what I said in my other asks about me feeling hesitant to label myself as nebularomantic due to it falling under the aro umbrella and me not relating to aros at all (but also not relating to allos because most of them draw a very hard line between platonic and romantic love and their experience of it is very alien and foreign to me and has actually led to some very unpleasant social interactions in the past), I do relate to the experience very much and I am pretty sure it's caused by the combination of all my personality disorders.

I also have diagnosed ADHD and used to be considered autistic as well (that was later changed to a misdiagnosis and now I'm considered ADHD with a lot of autistic traits) but for me, the problems with differentiating between platonic and romantic love seems to be directly caused by my 3 diagnosed personality disorders specifically. I have Schizotypal, Borderline and Avoidant. And like if I had just one of them this wouldn't be happening, I think, and maybe even the killer combo itself wouldn't be that much of a problem but I also have a lot of symptoms of NPD. Which isn't that weird, cluster B disorders tend to kinda overlap and while most of my BPD friends don't show NPD traits, coincidentally my one friend with NPD does have a lot of BPD symptoms. But yeah I have a fair share of NPD traits as a cherry on the top of my BPD cake, and when that combines with my STPD and my AVPD, it creates this unholy concoction. Oh yeah and the asexuality was probably the last nail in the coffin because if I could feel sexual attraction I might be able to differentiate platonic and romantic based on my sexual feelings. But alas I am not sexually attracted to anyone at all, I just think that all bodies look cool as all hell and I am an admirer of the human form. People and the diversity of the human experience, both physical and psychical, always moves me to tears because people are just so beautiful and perfect aaaand sorry got carried away by the star bright perfection of humanity again.

your reasoning is exactly why nebularomanticism is not specifically an "autistic" label, but a neurodivergent one!

cluster b disorders are so unfairly demonized. this is totally a place where that will not be tolerated towards any personality disorders (or anyone at all.)

personally, mine is because of my autism- but I do have some NPD traits also (enough to make my life a more difficult, but not enough to be diagnosed.....) which may have something to do with it. i naturally don't have many friends, but if i do want a friend, it is strictly in the "acquaintance" category, and i just want the company, without the strong emotional connection. i've had friends who i care deeply about, but that same platonic love for those people..... could just as well be called romantic. if i were to date one of those people, my behaviour towards them wouldn't change- because it's the same feeling, with the same behaviors (TO ME). i don't understand the difference between taking a friend out to the movies, and taking your boyfriend on a date to the movies. that should be the same thing.... right? hahaha

it is interesting to me that some people do feel a real difference with those two types of "love."

thank you for sharing your experiences! i do agree a lack of sexual attraction may cause some difficulty in differentiating those feelings too. i can see what you mean.

humanity is beautiful! one of the reasons i made this blog was to have a place for all sorts of people to be able to share their feelings. it's been nice hearing from you!

[aro-archers]

how come I don’t feel love for my friends family or romantic partner? it just doesn’t feel like I can feel anything /most/ of the time.. like I can’t care. I’m numb. feel nothing. and it feels the same for all of them. does anyone else with autism experience that or is this like a loveless aplatonic aro kind of thing? it’s not that I don’t want friends or anything I do but I often have no feelings. sometimes I do want romantic things with my partner and enjoy it but I’m also numb so often and question what really is love and romantic attraction. can u relate to that experience or help make sense of it? it’s okay if not I’m just trying to find someone who can relate to know that I’m not the only one and what label i can use?

ok so you asked like a million questions an hour so im just gonna throw in what i think on what i understood:

its completely okay if you dont feel attraction, or even anything towards anyone else. im not autistic my self but ive read that thats how some autistics are ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (correct me if im wrong)

this can be definitely be a loveless aplatonic aro thing! lack of attraction can vary (spectrum, duh) and people who feel N O T H I G do exist!

love, romantic and platonic attraction have a lot of overlap, it really depends on what you view an action/behavior as. again, there are tons of people who have the same problem!! youre not alone in this!!!

some labels i think would fit would be cupio-familial,-platonic,-romantic. cupio meaning that you WANT to have those relationship, but cant return the attraction. also quoi-familial,-platonic,-romantic, as in not being able to differentiate between romantic and platonic attraction. a sub-label of quoi- is nebularomantic and nebulaplatonic, as in not being able to differentiate between romantic and platonic attraction due to neurodiversity.

the most important thing to know is that your feelings are completely valid and real!! i hope this help :))))

[xactodreams]

hi, I hope you're having a good day!! I've been reading the tags on my post about asexuality bc I love seeing that so many ppl feel seen & because a few people have sent me corrections. I saw yours re: the term aspec and wanted to reach out. I updated the original post to change aspec to acespec a few weeks ago but the version with aspec had already been reblogged enough that it hasn't been disseminated much :\\. I wasn't aware that aspec was taken from the autistic community, just that it's used to represent the intersection of ace/aro people (like aphobic being against both ace and aro ppl). I wanted to apologize for misusing aspec and thank you for tagging it with your comments!! I don't have much of a community so I really appreciate the information <33

oh my gosh, Hello!

First, I want to thank you for making such a lovely infographic, it’s important information to have and share, and I am glad you did!

Second, let me apologize for essentially being an old dude yelling at clouds in your tags! I’m so used to just yelling into the void there without anyone caring about my input, but that’s no excuse to be rude, so sincerely, I am sorry. It’s not that I didn’t take good faith into account, I just genuinely didn’t think anyone would read or care about my tags.

I do understand why in the last year or so the ace/aro community has decided to abbreviate into aspec, I truly do. And I wouldn’t have any issues with it if the autistic community hadn’t already been using that as a term for themselves for several years now, Much longer than I have seen it used for queer folk.

I do think it is important to recognize, though, that aspec was used originally to abbreviate Autism Spectrum Disorder, which is the official medical diagnosis for autism. As opposed to asexuality and aromanticism which do also exist on a spectrum, but do not actually have “spectrum” in their title.

Both communities are pretty small, and I suspect there’s a lot of overlap, even. So I don’t necessarily think the new use of “aspec” by queer people is inherently malicious at this time. But I would like to let people, in my circles at least, know that we should be careful about co-opting existing terms by other marginalized groups.

Thank you so much for reaching out to me, it genuinely means a lot, and I will go reblog your corrected post. 💜

[overcaffeinated-aro]

Might be polyam and oriented aroace soooo....anyways love your blog!!

P.s got any tips for someone struggling to find out?

thanks! 💚

not going to lie, I thought this said tips on coming out, and I had written a lot before I realized... I'm tired, but I have so many thoughts

speaking of which, I'm going to put the rest behind a cut bc this got kinda long

but finding out! it can be pretty hard, tbh. I tend to take a very... practical approach to labels, which has helped me figure out what labels I want to use as well as helping some of the people I've talked to. maybe it's the autism, but I don't find the approach most people seem to take very helpful.

first off, I saw a post a while back talking about how overanalyzing your feelings and trying to figure things out by basically trying to hulk through to your core feelings isn't.. actually very helpful, and I fully agree with that. reflection and introspection can be a good thing, but you also need to let yourself live, and it's both ok and can be healthy to sit in a grey area for a while

but beyond that, what labels are useful for you? you don't need to worry about something fitting like a glove, just something that explains what you want to explain when you use it. what communities do you feel seen in? most communities are very welcoming to questioning people, so you can look around. if there's a community that feels safe or stands out, there's probably a reason for that.

some people choose labels as a form of expression, of presentation. think of it like a pronoun, or clothing. what feels right? is there anything that makes you feel more like you? this isn't to mean that labels don't have meaning, but there's a lot of overlap between some labels and you can choose one over another for any reason. including how that will make people perceive you

the answer can be no labels! it's your you, and you get to choose how big or small, how many or few, or even if you use labels at all. there are no rules! some people may not like it, or you may need one or two purely functional labels for some types of interaction, but not everyone finds it useful to label themselves.

but as far as figuring out what fits you, only you can say for sure. the most I can suggest is to spend some time in these communities, see what resonates, and go from there. there's a lot of diversity in aro, ace, and aroace experiences, let alone other identities. and what might be a quintessential aspect of their identity for some may not matter at all to others

good luck! I hope this helps 💚

[groundramon]

I don’t really know how to word this without immediately knowing that tumblr could accuse me of a fuckton of different buzzwords, but I’m going to try to anyways - and hopefully if any hyper-woke people find me, they’ll tell me how I should better word myself in the future instead of immediately calling me an abuse apologist or some shit.

But anyways, here’s a hot take - people of minority groups can be abusers.  Sometimes, they can abuse people for their minority status.  Sometimes, people lie about sexual assault.  Sometimes, people use their mental health or identity or race or whatever as an excuse for being a despicable human being.  How do I know?  Because I’ve had it happen to me, over and over and over.

I am: a trans, LGBT+, mentally disabled + ill, DFAB person.  I am also: a white, able-bodied fuckboy who lives in California, one of the most progressive states in the country, even in its conservative areas.  I am on both sides of the spectrum, and the times when I see minority statuses being abused are usually from the groups that I’m a minority of.

For example, I was harassed (and arguably sexually abused, however because I couldn’t find those comments that could’ve made him face legal consequences for all he’s done, I struggle to say that this is the case - additionally, I was never his target, just my art) by an autistic man online when I was younger.  It’s the reason why I can’t interact with the HT/TY/D fandom and why I won’t be seeing the third movie (keep in mind this happened right before the second movie, and I went to see that one because it legitimately interested me - this one seems heterosexual AND reminds me of my abuser’s dragon OC, which he guilt tripped me into drawing for him as his form of porn).  He ruined an entire franchise for me because he harassed me so badly.  He guilt tripped me in about how hard it was being autistic (and threw in some comments about how teens think they have it “so hard with their anxiety and depression” when “they really have no idea”, to a teenager struggling with identifying anxiety and depression - i didn’t believe that bullcrap but I did fall for his autism sob story) and convinced me to do art trades with him which were just redraws of my own stuff, and he’d repeatedly spam me and yell at me and guilt trip me to finish his work if I so much as read his note without responding.  He drained my motivation for DeviantArt along with my love of a franchise.  This man was also a serial harasser/spammer, he did this to MANY people, including other minors.  I wasn’t a specific target - honestly, I think I was pretty low on his priority list, considering he only tried to come back a few times.  The kicker?  I’m pretty sure I’m autistic, even though I had no idea back then.  At least, I sure do have a lot of symptoms of autism now that I look back.

Not good enough for you?  Okay.  How about the fact that a relative of mine tried to convince my aunt that she (my aunt, not the relative) was sexually abused by my paternal grandfather as a child, sending my aunt into a mental breakdown because she couldn’t remember anything like that and had no idea?  My aunt is the weak link in our family, she’s adopted and felt othered for it, and lived away from the rest of our family for a long time.  She recently started getting involved and just happened to be attacked by a known financial and mental abuser in our extended family right when she started getting back involved.  I’m thankful that my dad and my uncles were able to help her get a better picture of her father.  Keep in mind that I don’t have a positive image of my paternal grandfather, because he smoked and gave my dad + uncle health problems due to it - and I personally consider that an accidental form of child abuse, in a way.  But he was NOT a fucking incestual pedophile.  It infuriated me to hear that, despite never meeting him, and having a negative overall impression of him.

How about another?  My step-step-grandmother (long story) has accused my deceased uncle of being a money-hungry monster and stealing all of her rightful money after his father/her husband died.  We’re in a court case to get the inheritance we deserve from her now, but she only ever brought this up AFTER he passed away.  When informed about his dead, she bitched about how he made her loose money, and how she was struggling despite using up all of my mom’s inheritance (from her step-father AND her mother).  Because you know, that’s what you do when someone dies.  My uncle was the only uncle on my mom’s side to make it to my birthdays, his family gave my mom and I a place to stay when we ended up stranded down south due to a bad head injury my dad got (also long story) and we didn’t have time to make it back home and we didn’t want to just leave my dad there.  My uncle was probably the nicest, kindest family member I had.  His funeral was the first funeral I went to, and there were TONS of people.  He was a Christian man who lived by true Christian values, and plenty of people testified this at his funeral.  People I’d never even met before.  This old woman accused him of stealing her money (where did it go?? his wife is fucking broke now that he’s gone!), never caring enough to visit her, ect.  This old woman, who never even responded to my birthday invitations let alone came, who never made any attempt to make a mutual outreach to us.  She expected us to do all the work, and when we decided it wasn’t worth her ignoring and rejecting, we stopped.  And then she accused us of abandoning her.  This is an old woman, but she’s still an evil person - or an evil person who is now just a shell of evil, unable to even remember a time when she didn’t believe these lies that she told herself.

And don’t get me started on how this applies to ace discourse.  Heaven forbid I compare the ace/aro experience to another LGBT experience!  It’s only okay if I compare it to the straight experience (which i do btw, because i KNOW we benefit from homophobia unless we’re also sga) even though it has 99% more in common with the LGBP experience than the straight experience.  This isn’t an inclusionist vs exclusionist thing - this is just COMPARISONS.  It’s like saying murkrow looks like a crow - like yeah, no shit sherlock!! doesn’t mean murkrow is just the same as a real life fucking crow!!!  And god, haven forbid you talk about real aphobia and how it affects real aspec people.  Immediately every allo in the area will jump on you about how that’s just misogyny and rape culture and blah blah blah.  Then what about when it happens to men?  What about when it happens to nonbinary people?  What about when it has literally nothing to do with gender or being forced to have sex, and is just a constant feeling of being othered and excluded?  Forgotten and not believed?  Constantly doubted that your experience is real?  And then to be told that the very bigotry you suffered was just a part of a bigger issue, instead of specifically about a part of your identity....bullshit.  There IS overlap in certain social issues.  Race affects how homophobia and transphobia affects a person deeply.  Same with misogyny and race.  So of course there’s overlap.  But to say that aphobia doesn’t exist, I’m sorry - I don’t say this lightly, but that’s unconscious gaslighting. (there is no better term than that - believe me, I looked.  My point is that I don’t believe it’s intentional, but LGBP people, trans or not - you NEED to stop doing this.  You ARE unconciously gaslighting aces and aros.  This is not anecdotal, there are statistics and you refuse to believe them, despite pointing at just as credible statistics to prove your own points.  You say we can’t use anecdotal evidence, but then go on to use it yourself.  Intentional or not, you need to quit it.)

I really don’t want to talk about how race and this stuff intertwine because I really don’t have any experience with that as a white person.  All I know is that groups of POC can be bigoted towards other groups of POC, and they can even be bigoted towards people of their own race.

Which leads me to the most important part of this post: The fact that minorities can abuse majority groups, even if its on the basis of their minority group, does NOT mean that minority groups are not oppressed.

Just because a few women lie about being raped, doesn’t mean that all women who say they were raped are lying.  Just because an autistic person abused me, doesn’t mean that all autistic/mentally disabled people and mentally ill people are scary.  Just because aphobia is real doesn’t mean that non-SGA aces and aros don’t benefit from homophobia to a certain degree.  Just because homophobia kills doesn’t mean that aphobia isn’t just as real.  Just because the LGBT community has a habit of gaslighting victims of aphobia doesn’t mean that the LGBT community oppresses the aspec community.  Just because POC can discriminate against or even hold systemic power over another POC doesn’t mean that they aren’t both oppressed by white people.

Abuse is not oppression.  Oppression is a repeated, prolonged offense of cruel and unjust control.  None of my anecdotals “prove” that oppression for these groups isn’t real.  Because I’m part of these groups, and it’s my opinion that it IS real.  But my anecdotals are also still valid.  It is not problematic to point out when someone uses their minority status to abuse and manipulate others.  It is not problematic to call bigoted, cruel mentally disabled people problematic for being manipulative and abusive.  Their disability is not an excuse.  Their identity is not an excuse.  Their experience may be a reason, but not an excuse.  But neither is your experience.  Let people talk about their individual experiences AND the wider issues of oppression as a whole.  They don’t have to be opposite faces of the same coin, and it’s sad that we act like they do.

[crowborn666-writes]

Meet Me!

Hewwo! Hiya! Hoi!

My name is Crow! If you wanna find more of me, any other social I have is under CrowBorn666!

Other socials found here!

I go by She/He/They pronouns, debating Any/All pronouns, I honestly don’t care what you refer to me as lol. But I also generally prefer to be seen as gender neutral as possible! Androgynous, if I’m using that word correctly.

I have quite a few mental health issues, so sometimes it can be difficult for me to respond or understand things! I have ADHD, Autism, OCD(perfectionist complex), severe Anxiety/Social Anxiety, a bit of Bipolar(although that could just be everything overlapping), and the evil witch known as Depression.

Yeah I got a lot goin’ on. *insert Thomas Sanders vine here*

Moving on!~

My sexuality is Aro/Ace, I don’t fancy marriage, intimate relationships or sex, but I’m always down for cuddles! (This is ironic because I find myself reading quite the saucy stuff. But reading is one thing, actually doing it is another!)

Fandoms I’m in:

Warrior Cats

Pokémon

Creepypasta

Critical Role

Dungeons & Dragons

Undertale/Deltarune (if you’re here from my old Wattpad, hello!)

The Arcana

Obey Me! Shall We Date? (Falling out tho)

Monster Prom

FNAF

Yandere Simulator (is it weird that I like this game/fandom but don’t like writing yanderes?)

Minecraft

Among Us (maybe say hi if you spot a CrowBornYT!(that’s me!))

Demon Slayer (anime only fan here)

My Hero Academia (anime only once again)

[explosivoo]

MBLGTACC 2017

Yooooo. I’m going to be talking about some upcoming things going on in my own life for a second. My followers are not obligated to read this if they choose not to. Hopefully, I can find some people in the tag that are also attending in February.

Anyway, if I hadn’t made it obvious, I’m going to MBLGTACC (Midwestern Bi Lesbian Gay Transgender Ally (or ace/aro/agender/whatever the hell you want, that’s just the official name) College Conference) in Chicago. I know it’s pretty early to talk about this (with it being from February 17-19), but I still want to get my thoughts out there.  

This is my second year going to MBLGTACC. Part of me is excited and part of me is just hoping that travelling there won’t be like the shitshow that was travelling to Purdue last year (long story short, we got in a car accident on I-294 and we were basically stuck for three hours trying to get a new van from Enterprise because we totaled ours. We missed basically all of day 1 and everyone was tired and crabby). 

Anyway, here’s a couple of things I want to talk about:

1. The list of workshops and the workshop schedules are now up on the MBLGTACC site. I’m personally excited for a lot of these. I know there’s a few returning from last year (such as the butch/femme history, sign language and library workshops, the last of which I highly recommend for those having trouble finding reading material in their college libraries) but some of the new ones look really fucking good. I’ll definitely be attending the workshop on asexuality and disabilities because I have intersecting identities in those areas (as I’m ace and on the autism spectrum) and I’m also interested in the workshops related to lobbying and activism in general. My alliance has discussed activism burnout before and I find it quite fitting that there’s now a workshop related to that. 

2. Apparently they’re scheduling the identity forums during workshop times. I’m really not sure how I feel about this, tbh. The reason they gave for doing this (some people have intersecting identities and scheduling all of the forums at the same time is problematic for people that are part of two or more groups that have their own forums) is perfectly valid and I’m happy that they’re trying to resolve the problem. However, some people may really want to attend workshops that take place during their own identity forum/forums and it kind of sucks that some people have to miss workshops on topics that could be very important to them (especially since Robyn Ochs is going to be doing at least one workshop and I know a lot of people really like her) . On top of that, some identity forums are still overlapping each other in such a way that having this system in the first place is fucking pointless (for example, the disability forum is at the same time as the lesbian, gay, and ace/aro forums, the questioning forum overlaps with the trans and intersex forums, and the poly, q----, middle sexualities, and POC forums are all at the same time). I’m just hoping that not too many people get screwed over by this change.

3. For other attendees, please remember to exercise self-care on this particular weekend. I know some people are sick of the shit that’s going on in politics, but I have no doubt that things are going to get political this weekend and some people are probably still going to get upset even within a safe space for both their identity and opinions. I believe there’s going to be some self-care workshops, so if you can, I encourage you to attend them. Otherwise, it’s completely understandable if you need to take time for yourself or temporarily separate yourself from everything. MBLGTACC is supposed to be a time to learn, and you have the right to a comfortable learning environment and experience. 

For those of you attending, I hope you have a great time!