#but there was this pigeon in the road and we wanted to save it

[seven-thewanderer]

Sorry y’all just spent the past… 4 hours? Crying over a pigeon…

(explanation in tags…) (it’s quite negative tho so please read the warning tag before you keep reading if you don’t wanna read that.)

[ahonice]

just friends

nico hischier x fem reader

word count: 10.9k (the longest fic i’ve ever written i’m so sorry)

warnings: unplanned pregnancy and mentions of unprotected sex, cursing, the word climax, a little angsty, if i forgot anything lmk.

note: i started this on september 1st, this actually took forever. ANYWAYS hope y’all enjoy lmk if you love it, if you hate it, any feedback in general is appreciated!! love y’all babes <3

+++

it was an accident.

you and nico had been in a casual friends with benefits relationship for about a year and a half, having known each other for three years in total, when it happened.

you and nico were being stupid one night. after a few too many drinks, and no condoms to be found anywhere in your apartment, you and nico fucked without protection. 

you were on birth control and nico had pulled out, well he did halfway through his climax.

you didn’t think anything when you didn’t get your period the following month or the two months after that, you hadn’t had a period in four years thanks to your birth control. 

for weeks you thought you were just bloated, maybe you had been eating too much lately. you were much hungrier these past couple of weeks, it made sense.

it wasn’t until you threw up eleven times in one week before ten in the morning that you grew suspicious and worried at the possibility of you being pregnant. 

you stopped by the drug store on your way home from work and panic bought nine different pregnancy tests. 

you drank seven things of water during the day and took no bathroom breaks in preparation for this moment, and you had never been so scared to get test results back.

positive. every single one of them.

you felt faint, like the walls of your tiny studio apartment were caving in on you. 

you couldn’t have a baby, you couldn’t be a mother, it just couldn’t happen.

+++

the first thing you had to do was tell nico.

you and nico weren’t exclusive, and while he probably has his fair share of hookups, you did not. he was the only possible candidate for the father. 

nico was currently three days into an eight day road trip, and as much as you wanted to just get it over with, you knew this is not the type of bombshell to be dropped via snapchat or imessage, considering you two only used imessage to play game pigeon and the nature of your saved snaps was not welcome to an “i’m pregnant and you’re the father” chat.

you decided to just text him that you needed to talk when he got back.

to: nico (hookup)

hey lmk when you’re back in newark, we need to talk.

from: nico (hookup)

oh? 

from: nico (hookup)

everything okay?

to: nico (hookup)

not quite sure yet.

+++

five days later you found yourself at nico’s door, nine positive pregnancy tests in a ziploc bag in your purse. you were shaking, you don’t think you had ever been this nervous in your entire life.

nico opened up the door with a wide smile. you didn’t know what face you were making, but it was enough to make nico’s face fall and worry come through his tone of voice.

“y/n? what’s wrong?”

you didn’t even register his words, you just moved past him into his apartment and sat down on his couch.

“y/n?”

“i’m pregnant.”

the words fell out of your mouth before you could stop them.

nico sat there frozen on the loveseat as you pulled the pregnancy tests out of your purse.

around three minutes later you pulled your phone out and opened up some home makeover game, nico was still frozen.

“-oh and you’re the father but you probably already know that.”

+++

it was around four minutes later when nico finally opened up his mouth to speak.

“what are you going to do?”

his question made me a little angry, yes he wasn’t entirely at fault, but he could’ve at least taken

a little responsibility and said “we” instead of “you”.

“i don’t know yet, i have an appointment with an obgyn on saturday. i’ll learn about my options there.”

“what time?” nico asked, opening up his phone calendar.

“10:30.” you knew that nico had practice at that time because it was a game day. “you have practice, i’ll just let you know what i decide to do.”

“this is my child too, i want to be a part of the decision making.”

“well you’re not going to be the one taking care of them, i am.”

“what makes you think that? i mean obviously i will be on the road at times during the season, but when we’re on homestands and since we’ll be married we’ll have the off season together-”

“woah take a girl out to dinner before you propose nico.” you interrupted. “we aren’t getting married…” “we’ve done a whole lot more than just dinner, and yes we are? how are we supposed to raise this baby together if we aren’t together.”

“have you ever heard of co-parenting? -also who says i’m keeping it, i haven’t made my decision yet.” you get up from your spot on his couch. “look i have to go, i’ll tell you about my appointment tomorrow.”

nico let out a heavy sigh. “don’t make any decisions without me.”

+++

“y/n?” 

you looked up at the nurse who was holding the door open with their body and walked up to greet her, your knees slightly wobbling from the nerves running through you.

“please follow me into room two, i’m just gonna get your vitals.”

you stayed silent as she took your blood pressure and checked your reflexes, you had to take a moment to calm yourself down after you saw your weight, you had freaked out before you remembered that there was currently another being inside of you.

“alright your vitals look good.” the nurse spoke before exiting the room. “follow me into this room, you can go ahead and take a seat on the bed in the center of the room. the doctor should be in shortly.”

you nodded and thanked her before she exited and you took a look around the room, taking a few mirror selfies to send to the family group chat. you had told all of your immediate relatives over facetime on your way back from nico’s yesterday, the news was received better than you had planned so you couldn’t say anything about your mom’s comments on being a grandmother, she made it very clear she was on team “keep the baby and be a badass single mom in the city”.

you sat on the bed/chair thing, ripping the paper instantly as you tried to get comfortable.

you took your eyes off your phone as you heard a series of knocks.

“miss y/n?”

“yes, that’s me.”

“hi, i’m dr.swarn i’ll be assisting you today. is this your first ultrasound?” the middle aged woman asked.

“yes it is.”

“and do you know how far along you are?”

“i’m assuming three to four months…i just found out yesterday…”

“well we will find out today.” the doctor began getting the sonograph ready as you attempted to mentally prepare yourself. “-and i have to ask…the father, is he in the picture?”

“he is, but it’s complicated…we aren’t together.”

the doctor simply nodded before asking you to lift up your shirt and warning you that the gel might be cold.

after a few moments, a grainy black and white image showed up on the screen, dr. swarn pointing things out. “-and this is your baby! it is a couple weeks too early to figure out the gender, so i would estimate that you are about four months pregnant.” 

you didn’t really focus on anything she said though, all your attention was on that tiny blob.

“do you want to hear the heartbeat?”

as dr.swarn began to turn up the volume the door swung open.

a very out of breath and sweaty nico stood in the door frame, bent over catching his breath.

“sorry i’m late!” nico walked up towards where you were lying on the table and smiled up at the doctor. “i’m the father.”

dr.swarn smiled at him before speaking. “well you made it just in time, we were just about to listen to the heartbeat.”

she had the screen turned towards her so nico had yet to see the baby. “this is your baby-” dr.swarn turned the screen back towards you and nico. “and this is their heartbeat.”

it was like everything around you had disappeared and all you knew was the image of your baby and the sound of their heartbeat. nico grabbed your hand and effectively pulled you out of the trance you were in.

“would you like me to discuss your options with you?” dr.swarn asked, turning the heartbeat down.

“no, i’m keeping it.”

+++

you got a recording of the heartbeat and got a couple prints of the ultrasound before exiting the doctors office, nico getting the same things as you.

“so you’re actually gonna keep it?” nico asked once he had walked you to your car.

“yes i am, and i don’t expect you to be involved at all if you don’t want to…i can do this on my own.”

“well you won’t have to.” nico started. “move into my apartment.”

you sighed, but nico spoke again before you could. “look we don’t have to get married right away, just move in…we will see how things go from there.”

“nico- i’m not moving in with you, i am perfectly fine living in my apartment and so is the baby.” you didn’t mean for your tone to come off so harsh, well you did a little bit, but you didn’t want nico thinking that you would be getting together just because of your child together. “look nico, i know that you believe that to raise a child the mother and father need to be together but i don’t and i don’t want to be with someone just because people think we have to. i will not be having a shotgun wedding.”

“what is a shotgun wedding?”

“-it does matter. we are not getting together nico.” you got into the driver's seat of your car. “i don’t really know how this co-parenting shit works, and i’m assuming you don’t either so let’s just make sure to be patient with one another, okay?”

nico nodded before you said your goodbyes and drove off in the direction of your apartment.

+++

around two weeks later as you sat in your little cubicle your phone started ringing.

nico (hookup)

you sighed and saved the progress on your current project before picking up the phone.

“hello?”

“hey, are you home right now?”

“no, it’s two in the afternoon on a thursday. i’m at work.”

“oh i didn’t think you would work while pregnant…” “i need to fund this child’s life somehow.”

there was an awkward silence for a few moments before you spoke up again.

“did you need something nico?”

“well i called to ask if you would like to come over for dinner tonight.”

“what are you making? because i don’t mean to sound rude, but this child doesn’t like anything i cook and you’re much worse than me.”

“hey i’m not that bad!” you both chuckle before nico speaks again. “is there anything you’re craving right now?”

“jiggly cheesecake and that gouda mac n cheese with sausage i got when we went to new york two years ago.”

“okay i can’t make any of that.”

“just make whatever you want, i’ll force it down if the baby doesn’t like it. what time should i come over?”

“5:30?”

“okay, i’ll just come straight from work.”

you said your goodbyes before you go back to your work.

+++ 

once the clock struck 4:45 you called it a day and headed out to your car before driving to nico’s apartment.

you knocked on the door, a tad bit confused because you heard multiple voices on the other side of the door, if it wasn’t for the welcome mat on the outside that you had forced nico to get you would’ve thought you were at the wrong door.

“hey.” nico opened the door, the voices only getting louder.

“hey…are other people joining us…?” you asked, looking around his apartment confused.

“yeah i probably should've mentioned-”

nico had begun to speak, but a voice that you knew as nico’s mother. “is y/n here!?” soon you saw her smiling faces coming towards you with open arms. “oh come here, it’s been too long sweetie!”

god bless your work bag that seemed to span to five feet because it was hiding your baby bump that was very noticeable in your blouse.

“hello mrs.hischier, how are you?” you asked politely, but you were really wanting to strangle nico right now.

“i’m great! luca and nina are here too!”

“oh that’s great! i’ll go see them in a second, i just need to talk to nico really quickly.”

you smiled as she walked away before turning to nico and gave him a swift slap on the backside of his head. “are you crazy!? did you just ambush a pregnancy announcement on me!?”

“look, i know this probably wasn’t the best way to approach this, but my family needs to know.”

“i am fully aware of that, but this is something that you plan out, not something you spring on a pregnant woman!”

“i’m sorry! just- let’s go into the living room, nina really misses you.”

you had met nico’s family multiple times before and were especially close with his sister nina, she was the only one who knew of you and nico’s odd relationship and was the number one supporter of you two getting together.

you walked out, your work bag still covering yourself as you greeted luca and nina, the later giving you a look that only made you nervous.

you made small talk with the family before nico announced that dinner was ready. thankfully nico had brought your plate to you, both you and the fetus were happy with the look and smell of the fettuccine alfredo, with sausage, that nico had made. “thank you.”

as much as you didn’t want to, you had to set your work bag that had been used as a bump shield on the floor to eat, you just hoped everyone was too distracted by the food in front of them to notice.

“so what was the news that you had to share? i assume it has to do with y/n?” mrs.hischier spoke excitedly, it was obvious she was hoping that you and nico had started dating.

“y/n is pregnant and i’m the father and we are keeping it, but we are not together.” nico spoke quickly, his head down as if he was a child being scolded.

“oh…” 

it wasn’t the worst reaction that could’ve happened, but it definitely wasn’t the best one, but how good of a reaction could one get after they tell their mother they got their fuck buddy pregnant.

“we’re figuring this all out as we go, but i am very sorry mrs.hischier i understand this isn’t how one would usually want their son to become a father.” you apologized, your head was also down.

“i’m not angry, just shocked and a little bit disappointed in you nico…but everything happens for a reason so i fully support you two.” you and nico let out identical sighs as his mother revealed that she was not going to disown either of us.

+++

the rest of dinner went great, you even made plans for both yours and nico’s family to get together for a small gender reveal brunch before the hischier’s headed back to switzerland.

nina had called dibs on walking you out so you prepared yourself for the question you knew she was going to ask.

“are you absolutely, one hundred percent, serious when you say that you and nico are not together in any way, whatsoever, romantically?” nina asks, using too many synonyms for the word definitely.

“yes i am absolutely, one hundred percent, serious when i say that me and nico are not together in any way, whatsoever, romantically.” you reply, mocking her words.

she doesn’t seem too pleased by your answer and whines. “why? i want a sister and you are the only person i like, in general.”

“that is very sweet nina, but me and nico don’t like each other in that way. we’ve been…boinking for almost two years now. if either of us had feelings, i guarantee they would have been confessed by now and we probably would not be expecting a child out of wedlock in five months.”

nina let out an exaggerated sigh as you neared your car. 

“me and nico are just friends, okay?” you spoke, getting into the driver’s seat. 

“yeah friends who happen to boink on a weekly basis and are now expecting a child together.”

“i’ll see you at brunch on sunday nina.” 

+++

“i’m team boy and girl!”

“mom i already told you we aren’t having twins.” 

the sunday morning activities were supposed to be fun, and they were, but they were causing you a shit load of stress. 

it seemed like everything nico was doing was aggravating you, and when nico and your little brother were in the same room it was a recipe for disaster. plus your mother wasn’t any help, she teamed up with nico’s mother and kept pressuring you to at least move in with nico, who you believe put them up to it.

“okay let’s just get this over with!” you yelled out, just wanting to figure out the gender so you could go home and have some much needed alone time.

nico came up next to you holding the envelope that contained the gender. “you ready mommy?”

“ew, don’t call me that.”

everyone had their phones out and began counting down as nico opened up the envelope.

“it’s a…GIRL!”

everyone’s cheers only furthered your headache, but you gave nico a smile and side hug before going over to your mother who ecstatically hugged you.

“a baby girl! i’m so happy for you y/n, my first grandbaby!”

you quickly said your goodbyes, not bothering to eat any of the food that was made or open any of the gifts that were brought.

were you being a rude, ungrateful, bitch for no reason? yes. but you were too exhausted to care or feel bad about nico’s constant dejected looks on his face throughout the morning.

+++

the second you got home you passed out on the floor of your apartment , god bless the pregnancy pillow your mother had delivered to you because you had a weird thing for sleeping on hardwood floors. 

you woke up at three in the afternoon to a series of knocks at your door. you took a while to get up and once you did you regretted it because you saw nico looking very angry through the peephole. 

you grabbed a sharpie and a sheet of paper towel and wrote the words “GO AWAY” in a very bold font before slipping it under the door.

the knocking silenced for a moment before it got louder, along with a call of your name.

“y/n. open the fucking door.” nico was seething.

you opened up the door. “what? i was sleeping.” you pointed to the pillow and blanket on the floor of your kitchen.

“on the floor?”

“yes- what do you need nico?”

“you left the party so quickly that you didn’t even get to open up your gifts, or acknowledge them.” nico gestured to the large bag of wrapped gifts that sat at his feet. “you actually left the party so early that the food wasn’t even served before you had said your goodbyes, which by the way thanks for not saying goodbye to me and thanks so much for the fake smile and side hug you gave me after we found out the gender of our child. that’s gonna be a real joy to look back on.”

you felt your headache coming back, you were starting to believe the sole cause was nico.

“seriously what was your problem this morning?” nico asked after a few moments of silence.

“my problem was that i didn’t even want this baby in the first place and i know for a fact i’m not going to be a good mother, and you! nico you are my problem, everything you did this morning seemed to piss me off and it’s probably just the pregnancy hormones making me easily irritable, but you were getting on my fucking nerves by breathing this morning.” 

nico kicked the bag of gifts into your apartment in a fit. “well i’ll stop bothering you then.”

you knew you should’ve been a rational adult and went after him, but you weren’t, so you slammed the door and brought all the gifts to the living room so you could open them.

you smiled as you realized that all of the gifts were for you. your favorite candies and snacks, maternity clothes, and some prenatal care items that you probably should’ve started taking the second you found out you were pregnant, with the exception of one gift. it was from nico, you could tell by the poor wrapping job, you had been the one to wrap all of his christmas gifts ever since you met him except your own of course, those he always wrapped himself and they were a nightmare.

once you got his present unwrapped you found a boat load of mini devils gear. bibs, socks, a onesie, even a pair of noise canceling headphones. at the bottom of the box you found a very tiny devil’s jersey with the number thirteen on the back and a big patched “C” on the front. you teared up once you saw the big patched “DADDY” above the thirteen on the back and a matching bow headband with a small note. i’m writing this before the reveal and i know we don’t know the sex yet, but i’m hoping for a girl and i know you are too. i hope the headband is a little good luck charm that baby girl judith is on the way. - nico.

you teared up at the note, especially at nico remembering the name you’ve always wanted to name your first daughter.

you quickly called nico, tears streaming down your face and nose all stuffy.

“hello?”

“come back up…please.”

“on my way.”

+++

you stood by the door waiting for nico to knock and once he did you immediately opened the door and nearly tackled him from the hug you gave him.

“i’m sorry.” you mumbled, still crying.

“i know, it’s okay.”

you walked into your apartment and sat on your couch next to nico. “you remembered my baby names.”

“how could i forget them?” nico stated.

“what would you have done if it was baby boy gannon instead of judith?” you asked, turning your head that was leaned on his shoulder up to look at him.

“turn the headband into a bowtie…?”

you laughed at him before your stomach growled loudly.

“what are you in the mood for?” nico asked immediately.

“canes, but that’s in the city and i don’t wanna make you go to new york.” 

nico stood up after hearing your restaurant of choice. “c’mon, i’ll drive.”

+++

“how is it?”

“this is sex in a chicken tender nico, thank you for taking me here.”

nico laughed at your response before the both of you continued to eat a comfortable silence.

“hey tell your family that i’m sorry for how i was acting this morning, i am super grateful for them helping plan the reveal and to delay their flight to attend.”

“don’t worry, they understand that pregnancy emotions can be a lot, but i will still let them know.” nico said, making a mental note to text the family group chat.

“their gifts were very thoughtful too, how did nina know i like black licorice?”

“oh i let them know all your favorite things, that wasn’t alcohol.” nico shrugged as if it was no big deal.

you took a moment to process his answer, it wasn’t that weird for nico to know all of your favorite snacks and desserts, that’s what friends do…right?

+++

to: nico (hookup)

i have my sixth month checkup tomorrow at 10am, would you like to join?

from: nico (hookup)

yeah, do you wanna meet there or drive together?

to: nico (hookup)

could we drive together? 

from: nico (hookup)

of course, i’ll pick you up at 9:30, we’ll stop by mcdonalds for breakfast. i know you love their sausage muffins.

you hadn’t seen nico since the day of the gender reveal party and when you went into the city together to get canes. of course you stayed in contact, but it was hard with both of your work schedules that often collided. 

the next day nico was knocking on your door right at nine thirty in the morning, and you were still passed out. the pregnancy pillow and weighted blanket combo was not being your friend right now, though it was at 5am when the gremlin in your womb wouldn’t stop kicking. which she did for the first time earlier that day.

after about five minutes of nico knocking on your door with no response he began to fully panic, had you fallen down and couldn’t get up? were you dead in your bed? did you forget he was picking you up? so many things could’ve happened to you.

after a few moments of contemplating, nico decided that his only option was to break the door down. he began backing up a few steps and then running full force into your door, it took about seven tries for the door to fall to the ground.

the sound of the first impact of nico’s body was enough to wake you up. at the second impact you became aware of your surroundings, and at the third you thought someone was trying to break into your apartment.

you grabbed the closet weapon you could find, a meat pounder that you left on your kitchen counter last night, and got in position, ready to attack the person on the other side of the door.

once the door fell to the ground and the body fell on top of it, you got ready to swing.

“y/n!? are you alive!?”

“AHHH- nico!?” you froze your movements, the pounder hanging right above your head. “what are you doing here!?”

nico was still on the ground, also frozen as he tried to catch his breath. “ultrasound.”

you dropped your hands to your side as an ohhh played in your head. “i’m sorry i completely forgot. just give me a few moments and then we can leave.”

you turned around to enter your room before you froze and turned back around.

“i don’t have a front door…”

“i’ll text jack to come over and watch over the place and reattach it while we’re gone, the kid needs something to do this morning anyways.” nico said while pulling out his phone.

“does he know?”

“no, but he will…i’ve been meaning to ask you about telling the team anyways.”

“we can talk about it later , i need to get ready.”

you quickly got dressed, sporting a tight tank top, tight leggings, and a tight zip up. all tight because this baby had you gaining five pounds a minute. you huffed and puffed trying to get the tank top on. eventually you got it over your bump, but it was rising up and you were spilling out of it in too many places. deciding to just embrace the bummy look you threw on uggs, didn’t bother to put your contacts in, and left your hair in the rat's nest bun you’ve been wearing for the past five days since you were told to take a break from work by your boss, of course you had to faint in front of her.

“nico i need to get maternity clothes, i’m pretty sure these tanktop strings will snap if i raise my arm and don’t get me started on these leggings.”

“you’re huge…” 

“thanks nico, you’re really helping out right now.” you joked, but deep down you were upset. you don’t tell a pregnant woman she is huge, especially if it’s your baby. “let’s go, we can’t be late.”

“jack is almost here, babe.” the nickname slipped out before nico could even process what he was saying.

“uhm…”

“yo nico what’s up…where is y/n’s door.” jack said while walking into your apartment.

“you’re standing on it.” you spoke. jack’s eye’s wandered to you and then to your belly, and then they got really wide. “hi jacklyn.”

“oh shit.”

“we can talk about this later, but me and nico really have to go because we’re already running late.”

you and nico quickly walked out, the later telling jack that you had a toolbox under your sink and to “go crazy.” 

“no mcdonalds then huh?” nico asked as you got into his car.

“no, but i’ll be fine.”

+++

you weren’t fine.

you quickly got hangry and so did judith, nico seemed to be your punching for just about everything and even though he said he was fine, you could tell you hit home when you told him he needed to wax his eyebrows.

dr.swarn was completely fine with you guys being ten minutes late because she didn’t have anyone scheduled after you. the appointment went great except judith didn’t want to kick when nico felt your stomach, and of course nico’s hands were all dry and calloused which you hated feeling on your skin, and then after the ultrasound was over you guys rushed to mcdonalds because nico was determined to get you a damn sausage muffin, but of course you were two minutes past the cutoff for lunch and the teenager taking your order wouldn’t budge and you had to pretend like the cheeseburger didn’t come back up the second you got into the restroom. all you wanted to do is go home and be alone…and eat jalapeno poppers…and mozzarella sticks…

nico stopped at target to get what you wanted, and mac n cheese bites because he knew you’d love them.

you were pleasantly surprised when you arrived home to your door back on. luckily it had just separated itself from the hinges when nico tackled it to the ground, so it was an easy fix for jack.

once you stepped inside, nico quickly got to work, placing large portions of everything he bought in your airfryer. nico said it was crazy to buy a twenty size quart size air fryer and that you would never use it, but here he was being proven wrong.

you quickly changed out of the leggings and jacket, leaving the tank top on because you knew it would be just as much of a workout to get it off as it was to get it on and you threw on nico’s heart boxers he swears he wore as a joke, but you knew he picked them out at the store being one hundred percent serious.

“you two kids come sit down.” jack spoke loudly, as if he was your father.

“jack we are both older than you.” nico spoke sitting down in the spot next to you on your couch.

“doesn’t matter. you’re pregnant?”

you both nodded as jack pointed to you.

“-and you’re the father?”

you both nodded as jack pointed to nico.

“and you’re keeping it together as…”

“friends, just friends.”

“friends don’t have babies together.” jack gave you a skeptical look.

“they do now.” you stood up. “goodbye jack.”

+++

“i think it’s best if you two move in together, for both your safety y/n, and the babies.”

dr.swarn spoke before leaving you and nico in the room alone,

you were now seven months pregnant and you were constantly fainting, your boss had stopped allowing you to come into work and told you that you “needed rest” so you met her halfway and you now work from home.

nico was over one night after a game when he walked in on you passed out on the kitchen floor, but this time it wasn’t on purpose. he immediately began staying the night on your couch to make sure you were alright and as soon as you could he got you into dr.swarn’s office.

“i’m taking you home and we’re packing you up. i’ll text jack to come over with luke.” nico said as you exited the obgyn. 

“you know i can help right? judith is fine-”

“-but you’re not fine! you told dr.swarn that you’ve been fainting since even before you got pregnant, and i didn’t know. why didn’t you tell me about all this?” nico interrupted you, obviously upset.

“because it’s not important!” you snapped back. “it doesn’t affect judith in anyway, so i don’t understand you’re so worried.”

“it’s important because it affects you. i am worried about you, and i’m allowed to be. now there is no more arguments, you will be moving in with me and ending your lease at your current place.”

“nico-”

“no, that is final.”

+++

for the rest of the day you sat and watched tv while the two hughes and nico packed up your apartment until they had to pack your tv, which you insisted they did last.

“the truck is all loaded up, we’re gonna drive it over to nico’s and he is going to drive you in your car.” jack spoke as you approached where the truck was parked on the side of the street.

you nodded as nico helped you into the car. you hated admitting it, but you were much larger than you were expecting to be at this time in your pregnancy. 

+++

once you had made it to nico’s apartment you did the same thing you were doing before while the boys unpacked your stuff into the second bedroom, absolutely nothing.

you got up and waddled over to where the guys were all watching luke struggle to get the fitted sheet on your bed.

“can i please do something? anything?” you begged.

“yeah, go out and use my laptop to create a list of things you want as gifts at the baby shower, a registry because i know you want specific things for judith.” nico answered your begging.

“baby shower? i’m having a baby shower?” you had not been informed of this.

“yeah, all the guys on the team and their partners are gonna come, so are your friends and family, mine is coming too.” nico spoke like it was no big deal. 

nico had told the guys about three weeks ago because they saw the ultrasound in his locker. which in response had you getting multiple text messages from some of the girls all sounding very similar to “i thought y’all were just friends?” 

“when is this?” you asked, knowing you would need to get an outfit ready.

“next saturday, we have no game.” nico replied simply

“that’s in a week!” you shrieked, when you went maternity clothes shopping that did not involve any dresses.

“yeah, so you better get working on that list.”

+++

it only took you ten minutes to make the list because all you had to do was transfer it from a google doc, where it was already made but just titled as your shopping list, to a spreadsheet where people could claim a gift to give you, nico, and the baby.

it was a list with the basics. a stroller, breast pump, car seat (preferably one that went with the stroller), bed sheets, clothes, the essentials to keep a newborn alive, but you also had other things like decor for the nursery toys, and this bedside bassinet that your mother had been raving about since she saw it on facebook. you thanked god that your new room had a walk-in closet because that was going to be judith’s room. you weren’t even sure it was a closet because it was completely empty, no shelves or rods to hang anything on, it was more of a very small room, but it worked out better for you so you couldn’t complain.

you quickly went back to where the boys were, silently screaming as they made your bed completely wrong.

“please, oh please for the love of god, let me make my bed.” you begged nico, genuinely astonished that they had managed to put your pillows in the wrong order and put your comforter on inside out.

“i thought i told you to make your list?” nico said.

“i already finished. it was easy.” you said as you began stripping your bed of everything on it. “i just put down everything i already had on my shopping list…and then some because i know my friends are gonna wanna get me multiple things.”

you made sure to stare jack down as you put your comforter on the correct way before you placed your pillows in the correct order as well as the blankets at the end of your bed.

nico was quick to rush you back into the living room, turning on a movie for you to watch. you quickly got bored, which meant you quickly got hungry.

“nico!” you yelled out, needed your baby daddy to come to your rescue.

“yes honey?” nico approached where you were lying down, the two brothers laughing at their captain.

“i’m hungry.” you gave him a hopeful smile. “for taco bell…” “you’re order still the same as it was last time?” nico didn’t even hesitate to grab his shoes and keys. 

“yes, but if they have nacho fries please get those too.” you answered, nico had basically all of your fast food orders memorized by now.

“nico can i get some food too?” jack asked in a girly voice.

“please honey!” luke added.

“fuck off you two, go finish putting her clothes away.

+++

soon enough you had dragged nico out to go shopping for a dress for your baby shower. luke and jack had left shortly after nico arrived back home with your food and once you finished eating you got nico to drive you to the mall.

“ooh what about this one?” you pulled out a simple floral dress.

“it’s nice, but it’s only march. don’t you think it’ll be too cold for a tank top?” nico spoke, reminding you that it was still freezing cold in new jersey.

a few minutes later you approached where nico was sat in a chair with a dress you thought would be more appropriate. 

“what about this? i love the pink.” it was basically a dupe of the skims long sleeve dress, but you didn’t really care. “we’ll have to find a polo that matches the color while we’re out.”

nico approved of the dress so you were quick to go to the checkout and buy the dress, excited about the event that was going to happen, after you pulled nico into the closest department store and found a polo that was close enough to the shade of pink of your dress. 

“how are you gonna tell the media about…this whole thing?” you asked on the way home.

“what whole thing?” nico questioned, not exactly understanding what you meant.

“the fact that you knocked up some chick, who you are now living with to raise the baby, but you aren’t together with said chick.” you deadpanned, thinking of all the reactions you knew you were going to get from the hockey world. you could already see the “baby trapper” and “gold digger” comments and dms you would get.

“i didn’t knock up some chick, i knocked up my…friend?” 

“yeah go with that, it sounded real believable nico.” you said sarcastically.

“look i don’t really know how to tell the world that i got my hook up/best friend pregnant because, as jack as told me multiple times, my pull out game is weak.” you laughed and agreed with jack that nico did in fact have a weak pull out game, the evidence was currently kicking you. 

after a few moments of silence nico spoke up again. “alright what if we don’t mention our relationship at all. we just make an instagram post together of images of the ultrasounds and pics from the baby shower and tell everyone that we are expecting. we definitely won’t post the gender reveal video because you look like you were planning my death in it, but we just make the post and don’t comment on our relationship.”

you had to admit that it was a good idea, but you already knew that this would make everyone assume that you were dating. most people did already, which you understood. you wore playoff jackets with nico’s name and number, you attend team events and parties together, hell you went to the nhl awards with him and his family, and you are super close with his family, so you were never upset that people assumed your relationship status with nico because you did everything that the other girlfriends and wives did.

“i like that idea.”

+++

“alright this gift is from me and jack.” luke spoke as he handed you a gift.

you were a bit overwhelmed with the amount of people looking at you and just simply being in your home, but you knew that these people were here for you and at the end of the day you were getting a shit ton of gifts. 

so far every single thing you had put on your list was gifted to you and now it was just things people thought you or the baby would like.

“oh you guys…i love it!” it was a wood wall decal of judith’s name and it matched the pink polkadot of her sheets.

“there is more under it.” jack spoke up. 

you lifted up the large sign and saw a baby onesie in maize and blue that said “future wolverine.”

you and your friends started laughing at it. 

“you guys do know that i went to ohio state right?”

you were met with a disgusted stare by the brothers, more specifically the youngest, only causing you to laugh harder, not noticing nico’s pissed off expression, the one he had on his face all day.

+++

you continued to open up gifts and thank everyone, nico was one writing duty so he wrote down each gift and who it was from so you could send them thank you cards later in the week.

once presents were done it was photo time. you took lots with your family and nico’s family, as well as some with your friends, and of course you had to keep the tradition going with the girls from the team and took a picture of everyone pointing at your belly.

you only took a couple with nico, as he had been oddly distant all day.

after everyone left you and nico began moving everything into judith’s nursery and setting things up.

“thank you for setting that up, i had a lot of fun.” you spoke up, interrupting the awkward silence that was looming around you two.

nico nodded as he finished building the crib, you were given the simple task of putting all the wipes and diapers in the changing table’s cabinet.

“so once we’re done do you want to make the instagram post? or were you wanting to wait until after judith was born to post?” it was awkward, nico was just sitting there once the crib was all set up. “...nico?”

you were met with silence, nico was staring at you, yet not speaking.

“okay what the hell is up with you today? you’ve been weird all day, the only time you were even interacting with me was during pictures.” you had snapped, getting aggravated by the swiss’ behavior today.

“it’s nothing i just…” nico started speaking, but trailed off quickly.

“are you having second thoughts about all of this?” you whispered, scared to say it too loudly, scared that it is the truth. “second thoughts about judith?”

nico’s head instantly shook. “no, of course not.”

“then what’s wrong?”

“it’s nothing, i’m just not feeling the greatest and i didn’t want to risk you getting sick so i tried to keep my distance from you…” nico lied.

earlier, when the party was first starting, nico had overheard your conversation with your friends about how you couldn’t wait to give birth so you can start going out on dates and having meaningless hookups, saying that you missed being a twenty two year old who could do twenty two year old things. 

nico understood you had urges, hell he had his urges too. over the course of your pregnancy you and nico had the occasional…hang out, but ever since you moved it was happening once, sometimes twice, a day. he thought it meant something, he thought you guys were finally going somewhere, but it seemed like you just wanted to go back to how things were before, which would probably be impossible, you have a fucking kid togther.

nico had realized a year ago that he had feelings for you. the only reason he didn’t go full legal team on your ass when you told him you were pregnant was because of how desperately he had fallen for you.  

“oh, well you could’ve just told me that earlier, i was worried that i had done something.” you said before an awkward silence settled in the room. “well could you put all the sheets and clothes we got today in the washer? i’m gonna start on thank you notes in the living room.”

you shook off the tension as you exited the small room, nico gathering everything that needed to be washed in a small basket before going into the laundry room.

+++

“i don’t like that, why don’t we just wait to post until she is born to post everything, have the caption just be judith? i think that's better than a three hundred word rant that could be summarized by i knocked up my friend.” 

three weeks until you were due to pop and you and nico still hadn’t gone public with the pregnancy. of course the wag blogs found a way to get a hold of a picture of you and nico from earlier on in the pregnancy where people could only speculate whether or not you were with child or just had a large lunch and somehow it got out that you had moved in with nico, only furthering the rumors that had been going on for years that you and nico are more than just friends. 

“okay. let’s wait until she comes to post, but i don’t like that caption, let’s keep thinking.” nico replied, the devil’s PR team email staring back at him. “they want us to publicize it before someone else does it for us.”

“well it’s a good thing i’m chained to this bed until i go into labor.” you joked, you were so big you could barely sit up let alone walk anywhere. “no one is going to find out, don’t worry. it will all be okay.”

+++

two weeks later you had been having contractions all day, but dr.swarn said to not go to the hospital until your water had broke because these contractions could’ve been directly connected to stress. considering that your pregnancy was exposed three days ago, you would say that you were pretty stressed out.

one of the girls, not even thinking, had posted a photo dump on instagram to celebrate the devil’s season ending and included one from your baby shower. nico, you, and unborn judith right in the center of it all. it was quickly taken down, but the damage had already been done and now all of nico’s and your social medias were being flooded by comments. 

nico was currently at locker cleanout, and the meeting he had to have with the PR team to apologize for not listening to them and to set up a game plan to rescue him from whatever deepshit this was going to get him in was scheduled for right after.

you were laid down on the kitchen floor, your mother was somewhere in the living room timing your contractions. you were having a big contraction, holding onto the nearby chair leg for support, when you felt a gush of liquid puddle under you. 

“MOM!?” you yelled out, your water had just broke.

“sweetie!? what’s going on- OH LORD!” your mother scrambled to get you on your feet as you cried out in pain. “let me get the bag!” you had never seen your mom run so fast, you would’ve laughed at her nearly tripping if it wasn’t for the child threatening the slip out at any moment.

you were assisted into the backseat of your mother’s car as she drove to the hospital.

“if you could step on it, that would be great i’m kinda-” your sarcastic comment was cut off by another contraction. “nico…oh my god nico! i need to call him!”

you fished around the packed bag until you got a grip on your phone, dialing up nico as quickly as possible.

“i’m sorry but the number you reached is not available. please leave a message at the sound of the beep.”

you groaned loudly, speaking into the phone. 

“your child is currently in the process of being born, i’m at the hospital closest to the arena. please hurry.”

+++

you laid in the weirdly comfortable hospital bed, not yet fully dilated. it worked out in your favor because nico had yet to show up. you left a couple text messages and then a few more voicemails.

“i don’t know what the fuck your doing right now, but if judith is born before you get here your last name will not be on the birth certificate.” you said into the microphone, leaving the third voicemail of the day.

nico’s entire family was flying in next week and nico had made sure that he had all of next week off from any media or anything related to hockey so he could be there for the birth, but now judith was coming early and no one but your mother was here.

dr.swarn entered your hospital room again, she had arrived shortly after you because you had paged her the second you got into the car. “how are we doing momma?”

“not good, baby daddy is nowhere to be seen and i’m still not dilated enough to get this monster out of me.” you answered, setting your phone down beside you.

after a few moments dr.swarn smiled. “well i’m sorry about nico’s absence, but judith is ready to come out. you’re ready to push.”

+++

you don’t remember much, the epidural had kicked in. 

you remember holding onto your mom’s hand so hard that she yelped in pain at one point.

you remember cursing nico for not only doing this to you, but not being there for you.

you remember crying, a lot, and you remember judith crying a lot too.

you remember holding judith for the first time. both of your tears stopped for just a moment as you had skin on skin contact.

you whimpered as they took her away for cleaning, but soon she was wrapped up and you were able to hold her again. 

you remember the sound of footsteps and a thick swiss accent begging to be let into the room, continuously yelling that he was the father. your mother was quick to go into the hall and defend nico from the nurses saying he couldn’t go into the room, and as soon as nico saw you holding judith he began crying. 

“y/n i am so so sorry, i was-”

“where the hell were you!? i just had to give birth to our daughter without the father there!” you scolded the man.

“i put my phone at the bottom of my bag during locker cleanout and didn’t even think to take it out before my meeting with management. i got here as fast as i could.” nico had to catch his breath while he spoke.

“i was all alone…” you teared up, all of your emotions catching up to you again.

“i know. i know baby and i’m so sorry.” nico said, coming to your side. “can i hold her?”

you were too distracted by nico calling you baby, well more specifically by the feeling in your stomach, to answer with words. you just nodded and handed judith over. “be careful, and make sure to support her head.”

you smiled at the sight of nico holding judith, tears in his eyes, quickly taking a picture.

“were you serious about my name not being on the birth certificate?”

+++

once everything had settled down and you and nico were finally given some alone time in the hospital room you began making calls.

your mom had already messaged your families group chat, informing them of judith’s birth and sending pictures, so now you just had to call nico’s family. first was his mother, you had wanted to call her before you went into labor but it was around midnight for her and you didn’t want to wake her up.

she was so happy to hear from you, and you had never heard such an excited scream in your life when you turned the camera onto where judith was currently sleeping in your arms, nico having moved to lay behind you in the bed, his chest being your pillow.

“oh you have to call nina next, she has been so excited to become an aunt!”

that’s exactly what you two did.

facetime nina was fun, she gave you some much needed comic relief and she didn’t make any comments on yours and nico’s relationship…while he was in the room.

the second nico stepped out of the room nina was quick to ask when the wedding was.

“never gonna happen. i don’t like nico like that, and he doesn’t like me like that.” you said while putting judith back in that plastic jail they call a crib. “we’re here to talk about my gorgeous daughter who looks a little too much like nico for my liking.”

“ouch.” 

your head whipped around to see nico standing at the door. “your back early.” you were hoping he didn’t hear what you had said earlier. lately nico had been acting insanely weird everytime someone brought up your relationship with one another.

“the nurse was just outside, she’s gonna go finish the final paperwork and we’ll probably be out of here in the next hour.” nico said before turning back around. “i’m gonna go help out with the discharge papers.”

once he left you let out a groan. “nina why is your brother acting so weird?”

“what’s up with him?” she asked, curiously.

“ever since the baby shower he has just been…off. i don’t even know how to explain it.” you  started off, beginning to pace around the room. “he is so distant, and really out of it. i would think it might just be with the upsetting ending of the season, but this has been going on since before the playoffs. he keeps saying that he is sick and doesn’t want to expose me to germs, but i live with him and i haven’t even heard him sneeze from allergies.”

“do you think, and i hate to ask this, that he is having regrets about…everything?” 

you felt tears fill your eyes at her question. “yeah, i do. i asked him, and he denied it, but i can’t think of any other reason why he would distance himself from me and from judith.”

the lack of response from your friend on the phone was enough to make you start crying.

“i have my essentials packed up and my mom has a lawyer on speed dial just in case something happens…” you felt horrible having to admit this, especially to his sister. “i don’t want the lawyers, it’s my moms doing.” you felt guilty for what having a lawyer would be implying. 

“-i’m not judging you. just make sure nico doesn’t find out, i have a feeling he won’t be a fan of you even having a bag packed.” nina cut you off. “look i have to go, just keep me updated.”

you assured her you would before saying your goodbyes.

+++

“hey you just have to sign the discharge papers and the birth certificate, then we can leave.” nico said, entering the hospital room you had been in for the past couple of hours.

it had been around twenty minutes since you said goodbye to nina, deciding to finish phone calls tomorrow and instead spend your time crying while holding your crying newborn, best way to bond right?

“okay.” you sniffled. “could you put judith in her carseat? i’m gonna change.”

bond right?

“okay.” you sniffled. “could you put judith in her carseat? i’m gonna change.”

nico nodded and picked judith up from the hospital’s crib, holding her close to his chest and staring at her in awe. he couldn’t believe that this precious little girl was his.

“i’m always going to love and protect you, no matter what. your mother too. someday we’ll be a happy family, the three of us, hopeful gannon will join us sometime soon…” nico trailed off. “daddy loves you and he loves mommy too, you’re the two most important women in my life now, don’t you ever forget that…your mommy does a lot.” 

nico couldn’t finish his peptalk, or whatever one would call the conversation with his daughter, because you had stepped out of the bathroom changed and ready to go. “are you okay?” it was obvious that you were crying, you don’t know why you were even trying to hid it. 

“i’m fine, just emotional…just gave birth ya know.” you tried to laugh it off.

nico didn’t believe it. “we’ll talk when we get home.” 

+++

“why have you been acting so weird-”

“i overheard what you said-”

you and nico spoke at the same time, nico gesturing for you to go first.

“you overheard!?” you were convinced you were breaking a sweat from how panicked you had become in an instant. “look nico, the lawyer was my mother’s idea a-and i haven’t even actually talked to them yet, my mother just has them on retainer.”

“wait, what!?” nico stared at you with a look that scared you. “i was talking about what you said at your baby shower. you have a lawyer!? do you have all your things packed too so you’re ready to leave me and take judith with you!?” your silence only made nico angrier. “oh my god you do have your shit packed.”

“j-just the essentials…” you stuttered out.

“yeah because that makes a difference.” nico had distanced himself from you. “i cannot believe this.”

“i only did that stuff because for the past month it's seemed like the last thing you wanted was to be in mine and judith’s life!” your loud voices woke judith up, her loud wails only making the room more tense. you picked her up and tried to soothe her as you spoke to nico. “i’m only gonna ask you one more time nico, do you regret being with me and deciding to be in judith’s life?” 

“no. i do not regret it y/n.” nico spoke sternly.

“then why the hell are you treating us this way?” 

“because i am in love with you.”

your eyes widened in shock and you nearly lost your grip on judith from the whiplash that seemed to go through your body.

“you…what!?” 

it was essentially a stare down between the two of you, it was so uncomfortable in the room that even judith shut her mouth. 

“i have for a year now, probably longer, a-and i thought that judith would finally be my way into your heart. i thought that me being there for you, and for our daughter, would make you love me too.” nico’s tone of voice was one of a kicked puppy. 

“what are you doing?” you asked, not pleased with what he was throwing onto you. “why are you telling me this?” 

“i just needed you to know.” nico whispered his response, not expecting that reaction.

“so you’ve been in love with me for a year now?” nico nodded at your question. “so how does that add up to you treating me like some gold digging whore who got pregnant on purpose for the past month?” 

“i’m not-” nico let out a heavy sigh. “at your baby shower you said you couldn’t wait for everything to get back to how it was before the pregnancy.”

“yeah, so?”

“so!? you’ve basically been counting down the days until you’re able to fuck someone else, while i’ve been doing everything in my power to prove myself to you that i am worthy of being more than just the guy you fuck when no one else is available.” nico grew angry, if this was a cartoon steam would be coming out of his ears.

“i didn’t ask for you to do that nico! i was happy with how things were before judith, is it so wrong to want that back?” you were equally as angry. who was he to make you feel guilty about not being in love with him?

“yes it is! you are a mother now y/n, you are not allowed to be irresponsible anymore. you have to take care of two lives now-”

“are you not going to be helping me!?” you interrupted nico.

“when i can, yes i will, but i have a job that keeps me away a lot.” 

you rolled your eyes at his words. “you are not allowed to dictate my love life just because you knocked me up.”

you didn’t know if you should be thankful or agitated that judith decided to start crying at that moment, but either way you started your slight bouncing movements back up to try and settle my daughter, as odd as it was to use that term in a real scenario, and tried to find those parental instincts everyone was always talking about.

“she’s probably hungry.”

“i didn’t ask you…but thank you i will try that.”

+++

the first night with judith was rough. as much as nico wanted to, he couldn’t leave you alone and retreat off to the hughes’, both because if his mother found out, and she would, he might as well get his obituary ready in advance and he just could not handle the torture the brothers would put him through.

it was like your daughter had a sixth sense for when you were just about to fall asleep, choosing those exact moments to cry out for something. you never knew what she wanted, always going through the same order of “milk, diaper change, pacifier, cuddles, burping, scenery change, and clothing change” until one of them worked. 

nico slept on the couch, it was close enough to your room where if judith began to cry he would hear it and wake up. he was going to stay in your room with you and judith, but after the blowup of him confessing his feelings and you borderline rejecting him things it got a bit awkward. still now, almost twenty four hours later you and nico hadn’t had a proper conversation let alone spoken about what had happened. 

you were on the phone with nina for a while, then your mother, then nina and your mother, both of them giving you their advice but following it up with “just listen to your heart.”, so it was all canceled out in your mind. 

you turned to your newborn, who was staring at you from her little bed next to yours. “judith what am i supposed to do? your daddy, the one with the funny voice, is so amazing and sweet. he treats me like a princess, so why am i struggling so much to figure out what i want with him?” 

judith stared at you with those large brown eyes, a small look of adoration on her face. 

“i love you.” you whispered to her. “-and i love your father too.” 

you sat up in bed, eyes widening at your revelation. you love nico. 

“oh judith, thank you for listening to your mommy!”

you hopped out of bed, rushing into the living room. “nico! nico! nico! nic-”

“what!? what's wrong!? is judith alright!?” nico basically jumped off of the couch, worried that something had happened.

“she’s fine, everything is fine…well not everything it’s just.” you took a moment to look at nico, the lighting was horrible yet he still looked amazing. “i love you too nico.”

there was a silence that followed, it wasn’t awkward or filled with tension, just a calm silence. 

you blinked and then suddenly nico’s lips were on yours. 

the sound of judith’s cries separated your lips and caused you both to race to your bedroom.

spoiler alert: nothing was wrong with judith, she was just crying to cry. 

nico’s arms were wrapped around you and were holding you into his chest as you both laughed. 

“so what now? are we dating? getting married?” you asked, leaning your head against nico’s shoulder. 

“as much as i would love to get married right now, we’ll start with dating…so will you be my girlfriend?” nico asked, mumbling against your head and giving light kisses every now and then.

“yes, i will be your girlfriend.”

“yes!” 

you laughed at his response, judith held in both of your arms. “let’s go to bed, she’s finally asleep.”

+++

nicohischeir and y/nonfilm

nicohischier me, my girlfriend, and our beautiful babygirl. welcome to the world judith.

view all 17 comments

jackhughes god father mode activated😎

y/nonfilm …who said you were the god father?

ninahischier best day ever!! i got a niece and a sister 🩷🩷

njdevils baby hischier alert‼️

comments on this post have been limited

+++

note: i 100% HATE this ending (the whole thing actually) it’s so rushed and just bleh, but i have literally been working on this for 71 days. SEVENTY ONE DAYS. college has been kicking my ass lately so i haven’t been very focused on writing anything. but i hope y’all still like this PLEASE DON’T LET IT FLOP i’ll cry. okay love y’all babes BYEEEE!!!

[slusheeduck]

Fictober 2023 Day 9 - Prompt: "I may not get another chance to say this." Fandom: Baldur's Gate 3

This was…presumptuous, at best. Nosy, at worst. And honestly, entirely not within his right, considering the current time frame. But damn it all, if this tadpole in his head didn’t take him out first, the orb in his chest would, so there really was no time like the present for Gale to do this, because there may not be much more of that left.

So, a few minutes after hearing Astarion’s drawled out, “Hello, beautiful,” and about thirty seconds after seeing Falerin walk away to go chat with Karlach, he took a deep breath, then made his way to Astarion’s tent.

“Could we…chat, Astarion?” he asked slowly, hands clasped behind his back. Astarion glanced back at him over his shoulder, eyebrows raising.

“I would ask if you were going to show me a bit of magic, but it sounds more like I’m about to get a lecture,” he said, corner of his lip quirking up in amusement. “But I suppose we could.”

Gale glanced about. “Let’s…walk. Less chance of being overheard.”

“Oh, now I’m very interested.”

Gale rolled his eyes. “Don’t get so excited. It’s bad enough with the tadpoles, but everyone here’s an eavesdropper, too.”

“Speaking from experience?” The knowing smile Astarion sent his way made Gale wince, and suddenly he was second-guessing this whole affair. It was none of his business. But it was. But it wasn’t. But…

“Look, I may not get another chance to say this,” he said quickly, pushing through the doubts. “There’s…yes, we saved the Grove and that was worth celebrating, but it’s far from the end of the road for us. And if things do get more difficult, then I want to say…”

Astarion’s eyes widened, and he paused by the shoreline. “Oh my. Is this a confession, Gale?” he asked, a cruel little smile already spreading across his face as he fanned himself. “Oh, this is all so sudden!”

“Will you stop it?” Gale snapped. “It’s about Falerin.”

That caused a shift in Astarion’s face. His hand delicately rested against his mouth, eyes narrowing. “What about Falerin?”

Gale hesitated, eyes darting between Astarion and the dying dusk over the water. “You look at him like you’re going to eat him alive.”

“Well, I mean…”

“Not in terms of your unusual diet.” Gale let out a long sigh, hand scrubbing at his face. “This is presumptuous of me, I know. We’ve both known him the same amount of time, give or take fifteen minutes, and as far as stressors go, this one should be much lower on the list. But he’s my friend, Astarion. Probably the best I’ve had since Mystra…” He sighed, dragging his hand down his face. “The point is, I’m worried you’re toying with him like…like my cat does a pigeon she’s about to tear to pieces.”

Astarion, who had stayed remarkably quiet, suddenly scoffed. “Darling, who do you think I am?”

Gale grimaced. “Please. I know he cares about you—it’s practically bursting out of every pore in his face. And I’m…I’m not trying to intimidate or scare you off, I swear. I just…some assurance, please, that you’re not going to hurt him.”

Astarion’s face had shifted into something unreadable—not scathing, not mocking, not sneaking. His gaze flitted over Gale’s face, searching for a lie.

“I’m not planning to hurt him,” he said, voice soft. “I can’t promise I won’t; I know the kind of person I am. But…I won’t toy with him.”

Gale should have been embarrassed with the obvious sigh of relief he let out, but he really wasn’t. He dropped down on a nearby rock, shaking his head. “I really should have gotten out more before this. I’ve forgotten how difficult talks like this are.” He let out another breath, then looked up at Astarion. “I haven’t been as kind to you as I should have, but I’d like to be in the future. I’d like to think that Fal would be upset if either of us left camp due to a spat.” He waved his hand. “So, any time you’d like to talk, feel free. Or…don’t. Ball is entirely in your court.”

Astarion’s mouth twitched up. “Oh, how very generous of you.” He paused for a moment, looking out at the water, then—very slowly, like he was approaching some dangerous creature—he sat down on the fallen log beside Gale. “So you…have a cat?”

Gale’s brow furrowed as he looked over at him. “Well, technically she’s a tressym, but yes.” He gave a wry smile. “Stereotypical, I know—lonely wizard in his tower with just his cat for company. Feel free to tease me about it; Tara certainly does.”

“No, no, I…” Astarion glanced over at him. “I’ve always been fond of cats. See a lot of myself in them, I suppose. Obviously having one’s always been out of the question, but…” He shrugged. “Maybe you could tell me about yours.”

Gale looked Astarion over, unable to stop the way his mouth pulled up. He knew a peace offering when he saw one. “I would be more than happy to.”

Fictober 2023 Drabble Master Post

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

"It was the perfect storm when Viktor Frankl came across me as i was typing a manuscript for a friend of his.....his mission was to save as many disenfranchised young people as he could and i was the prototype for the lost souls of this world. My childhood had left me for dead and were it not for his intervention i wouldn't have lived to tell the tale. Looking back at the skillful means he employed to create the miracle of breathing life back into me it seems to me that his first task was to get me to laugh. He worked at his job as a Merry Prankster relentlessly. He would do anything to get a laugh out of me and anyone else around him. Now that i think of it, his parting words to me were: "Don't lose your sense of humor!" Once he had me laughing a process of pulling the Gift I'd arrived here with to the forefront of my being began. He wasn't all that interested in the torturous road of my past and advised me over and over again to work to activate the place in me that had a good enough reason to live. I had the impression that this involved learning to work for something bigger than myself and that focusing on ‘me myself and I’ was a dead end. He was a great believer in the power of sunshine to reverse depression and most of our meetings took place while feeding a mangy flock of pigeons in a park. He was a shining example of someone that adored and reveled in Life.....people, pigeons, music, art, and dance were all thrilling to him. He had seen the worst that life had to offer and somehow had made it through to the other side singing its praises. He was right about everything of course. Especially the part where he explained that creativity is the antidote for destructivity. It doesn't matter how bad things get....what matters is whether we transform shit into gold. The photo is an example of just such an unexpected transformation....a section of an art garden I was compelled to create once in the middle of a nightmare. Leonard Cohen was asked once about his legendary depression and he said: "I've found that the answer is Good Work." The best advice I received from Viktor was to not set my sights on what I wanted from Life but to pray to God to be given meaningful work to do. He recommended that i get down on my knees on a regular basis and beg God to be given a job with purpose. This practice has made all the difference." ~ Sofya Smith 

[esdithequeen]

Hatchling

Ao3 Link

The worst part of being a lawyer, of any kind, was undoubtedly the paperwork. It piled up high on the desk, blocking out all light and joy from one’s life, and was undefeatable, a hydra of ink and printer paper— one stack went and two more appeared. An ouroboros of despair and suffering, inescapable and unending.

Which is to say that Simon wasn’t having a fun day at work.

He wasn’t having a very fun day at all, to be completely honest. Kay had to leave early in the morning in order to sort out some pre-trial nonsense, and he had been woken by the sound of Taka screeching and clawing at the bedroom window to try and reach some pigeon that had settled outside. The coffee machine in the break room had broken, and he couldn’t be arsed to go to the cafe down the road from the prosecutor’s office, mostly because he knew that in the time it would take him to walk there and back another pile of paperwork would appear on his desk.

So caught up in his own quiet decaffeinated rage, Simon didn’t even notice that Kay had poked her head through the door until she spoke up, “Is Taka in here?” She half whispered.

Simon’s brow furrowed, “Not right now, no.”

Kay sighed in relief, pushing her way into the office with a cup holder bearing two takeaway cups in one hand, and a shoe box cradled in the other. The drinks were all but thrown at him, and he grabbed one to take a sip as the box was gently set down on the desk, grimacing at sickly sweet concoction in his hand. Kay took it off of him, “That one’s mine, obviously.”

She moved to close the window as he reached for the other drink and cautiously brought it to his lips. An oat milk matcha latte with half a shot of vanilla. Much better. He eyed the shoe box on the desk, wondering why on earth was in it and why Kay had it— until the box chirped. Simon swivelled his chair around, “Kay…”

“Don’t get mad at me just yet.” She insisted, “I didn’t kidnap the little guy.” Pulling up a spare chair, Kay sat down at the side of the desk and pulled the lid off the box.

The sad little creature didn’t even have its down feathers yet. Its eyes were firmly shut, and despite being bundled in a nest of old rags and paper towels it shivered. Surely the chick could not be older than a day or two, “Another crow?”

“A scrub-jay.” Kay corrected.

    “And you couldn’t find the nest?”

“I found what was left of the nest.” She pulled out a bright blue tail feather, “And what I assume to have been mom. Whatever attacked clearly didn’t see him fall beneath the bushes.”

    “Or its hunger had been sated.”  Simon considered the tiny hatchling for a moment; it barely moved other than its violent shivering, already halfway to death’s door by the looks of it, “You know the chances of it surviving are extremely low, don’t you?”

Kay removed her gloves and gently lifted the chick out of the box, bringing it close to her chest in an attempt to keep it warm, “Of course I know that,” she said firmly, “but I couldn’t just leave him there. The thought of him starving alone out in the cold was too much for me.” 

    “It might not even survive the night.”

“I know.” Kay held it tighter to herself, a crease in her brow and her voice wavering slightly, “But I have to at least try.” 

He wanted to chastise her for being too soft, but the sight of her pulling her legs up onto the chair and curling around the little bird, as if it were the most precious treasure in the world, caused the words to die in his throat. Of course she would see this half-dead orphaned hatchling and do everything in her power just to have a chance at saving it. This was the same woman who visited him every single week for almost a year, determined to prove him innocent even when he had already accepted his fate on death row. 

Simon sighed, “You’d be better off taking it to a rehab centre.”

“I already did, but they didn’t have room for him. It’s fine though, we’ve both raised birds before.”

    “We? You want me to help?”

“Well yeah. You will, won't you?” She held out the chick to him, “Here, hold him while I try to get some food in him.”

Simon gingerly accepted the bird, holding it in one hand. It was splayed out awkwardly, anchored down by the weight of its own head, yet the tiny beastie barely even filled his palm. Fishing out a little syringe of food from one of her many belt pouches, Kay propped up the chick’s head with a single finger and manoeuvred the tip of the syringe into its mouth. It took a while— the bloody thing seemed determined to starve, but once she managed to get a bit of the sludge down its gullet the chick began to flail its stubby little wings around, letting out the weakest, squeakiest little chirp Simon had ever heard as it begged for more. 

It was… a little cute. In that strange ugly way that baby birds often were. Simon remembered when Taka was first thrust upon him by the prison guard, a mess of white down and sharp talons that cried and bit at his fingers when it was hungry. That clawed its way over his body just so it could sleep in the crook of his neck at night. He remembered wondering why he had been saddled with such an ugly, needy little beast, but now he couldn’t imagine being parted from Taka for more than a day. Simon began to gently run his thumb down the chick’s back.

“He’s winning you over, isn’t he?” Kay smirked.

    “Only a little.” Once there was no more food to offer, Simon lowered the bird back down into its box, fluffing up the bedding around it, “But we still can’t let ourselves get attached. So no naming it, understood?”

She leaned against the desk, eyes only the small scrub-jay chick, “Too late. His name is Noodle and he is my son.”

Simon sighed, “Our son.” He corrected.

[thinplacesradio]

night, from underneath pale wooden support beams, looking out into a foggy parking lot with a red neon sign. the image is distorted by VCR static. text reads:

[011] THE PASSENGER PIGEON. A CALLER COMMEMORATES A BYGONE BIRD. THE HOST LEARNS SOME NEW LINGO.

listen here, or anywhere you find your podcasts. transcript under the cut:

[static, radio tuning]

[Traveling Sales Rep: Don’t touch that dial! We’ll be right back, after these short messages.] [static, radio tuning]

[click]

Hello and welcome to Thin Places Radio. I’m your host,

and it is the middle of the night. But don’t worry. You’re not alone.

[Thin Places theme]

I’m coming to you live from my studio, which is what i like to call the backseat of my car! Again!

[gas pump clicking and beeping] [trucks screeching, groaning, and hissing]

I pulled off the road into this truck stop when the orange lights overhead started to burn their mark into my retinas. Just a second to myself, now, in my own private little universe. 

I’ve pushed the detritus on the seats into the well. The center console is my desk. The rat has received an upgrade - she gets to be in the driver’s seat, tonight. 

I don’t think I’m going to sleep. I might just watch the sun rise from the picnic table I parked next to around back. Not just because the backseat is so lumpy, or because I’m too nervous to close my eyes alone here. It’s a very alive place. I can feel the hum of it all around me - truckers headed in to take a shower, stopping to get diesel before the next leg of their journey, a college junior headed back after a long weekend who did the safe thing and pulled over here, saving their own life without even knowing it.

[cars passing]

I know this about all of them, even though I don’t talk to them. But who knows what pulled me off the road here? I don’t recognize this place, but it doesn’t mean I haven’t been here before.

[car door opening, then slamming closed]

What is Thin Places Radio? Well, you can call in about anything strange that you've got going on in your life - feelings, omens, premonitions, hauntings.

Are you having trouble getting out and about? Are you holding an extinct species in your heart so at least one person remembers them? Are you trapped in the present, but can’t stop thinking about the future and the past? 

Call in, get it off your chest. Let's close the gap between worlds a little bit more. Lines are open.

[click] [voicemail]

Hi! I wanted to know if you know anything about the passenger pigeon. It’s a bird that, uh - it’s one of my favorite birds, actually, but it’s extinct now. The last of its species died in the Cincinnati Zoo in 1914. I’m thinking about it because I'm at a rest stop in the middle of God knows where Wisconsin and there's a placard dedicated to such bird. They cite a lot of - they don’t name anything specific as to why it went extinct. But having done my own research I know it was an incredibly social bird, and they had huge flocks of them that would travel around the entire United States. And apparently at this rest stop this was the nearby one of their largest nesting areas, according to the placard. 

I just wonder if one day, one other species, or people, will be relegated to being remembered by a placard - if people even know that this bird exists unless they stop at this rest stop themselves. Or if I, a person very interested in these type and other kind of birds, will be the one to remember them once everything is said and done. Sorry it’s a little sad, but I wanted to know what ya think. This is Remy. You can name me as such on the show. Thanks.

Hi from the middle of God knows where Wisconsin, Remy. Don’t worry. I like a little sad. I can feel it in my bones, sometimes.

[crickets chirping]

If a tree falls in a forest - no, I’ve said that before. We know the answer to the riddle. What we don’t know is when one person’s efforts - one person’s memory - is really enough. It never feels like it. But you’re doing something important here. You’re doing something vital, remembering the ghost of an entire civilization, risen and fallen.

[searching music]

We think we have evidence for it, when it comes to us, ruins and archaeology. But the most important things are the ones that we pass down, person to person, for everyone who didn’t get a museum, or a ruin, or even a placard. It’s only been a century, and all trace of this pigeon is already gone. It’s not like Tartessian, the last word spoken in the 5th century B.C., the few letters that remain still untranslateable. It’s only been a hundred years. But we forget much more terrible things much quicker than that - but only if we choose to forget them. So, we can’t. We have to remember the people who came before us, the people who left and the people who were killed on purpose, and the people who survived, who are still here. We have to remember the little things, too, the small creatures. There’s a special providence in the fall of a passenger pigeon. 

How must that last one have felt, in the Cincinnati Zoo? The last of its kind. Caged and alone and told where to go next. Transformed, by its sudden distance from everyone else, into something different. Something different. Maybe it didn’t even know. I hope it didn’t. It would hurt less.

[click] [cars passing]

Something weird, listeners:

Trucker lingo. It sounds made up, but linguistically speaking, it’s as real as anything. I just heard someone say his truck was wipin’ her feet on the way up here, and I think that must be something. Got your ears on? Here’s some more. The granny lane - oh, i can guess that one just fine. Southbound hammer down - going south and going fast. An alligator’s a tire on the road. A black eye’s a headlight out. I think bear bait means going too fast. Not the other kind of bear. There’s lots of stupid names for cops, thank goodness: barney fife, evel knievel, kojak with a kodak. Enough of that, though. 10-7. 

[click] [bell dinging] [car starting]

The bell to the convenience store door dings, as one of the truckers is coming back out with his coffee. He’s flying solo, but he isn’t alone. He has a whole flock, one chirp of the radio away.

I can see the sky getting brighter, as much as it ever does, that very first pale purple. [yawn] [sniff] It looks like I’m having shutter trouble after all.

[click]

Thank you for listening, callers, and thank you for calling, listeners. I hope you feel a little bit lighter. I know I do.

As always, our number is 717.382.8093. That's 717.382.8093.

Keep the rubber side down and the bugs off your glass. Until next time. I'll be - 

[sudden static cuts the host off]

[static] [Traveling Sales Rep: visit us at the - diner just off -] [Various Garbled Voices: ]

Thin Places Radio is a podcast written by Kristen O’Neal and produced by Kaitlin Bruder. The voice of Your Host is Kristen O’Neal. Tonight’s voicemail was left for us by Remy Ripple.

Editing and sound design are by Kaitlin Bruder, and the music tracks you heard in tonight’s episode are: the Thin Places theme, by Miles Morkri, and Umeed by RANA.

If you have a story to tell or a question to ask, give us a call at ‪(717) 382-8093‬. The lines are always open.

[Thin Places Theme outro]

[scary-movies-on-netflix]

ORPHAN (2009)

This is one of those movies that’s been on my to-watch list for a long time.  I’ve felt like I should watch it, but I didn’t really want to because it’s probably not good.  My hunch was right.

We start off with Woman, who immediately has a miscarriage, which is regrettable.  She plants a memorial rosebush in her greenhouse.  She and her husband, Man, have some marital discord (his past infidelity and her previous alcoholism), but they seem fine now and happy with two children (Son and Daugther).  Still, to fill a void in their lives they decide to adopt a child.  They visit an orphanage where they encounter an interesting little Russian girl.  She’s articulate and loves to paint, seems to have real depth to her soul, so they adopt her!

Naturlich, there is something wrong with this girl, Esther.  Son is playing with a paint gun and shoots a pigeon, much like Bart Simpson in the classic “The Simpsons” episode “Bart the Mother” (1998).  Esther tells him to mercy-kill the bird because it’s suffering, but when he refuses she drops a rock on it.  At school, she acquires a typical American bully, and after a very long sequence at a playground, Esther shoves the bully off a slide and she breaks some bones.  Woman begins to feel uneasy about Esther, but Man essentially calls her a stupid woman and tells her to shut up. 

A nun from the orphanage shows up and Woman asks about Esther’s background.  The nun promises to investigate.  The nun leaves, but Esther manipulates Daughter and together they manage to have Nun drive her car off the road.  Esther then bonks the nun on the head with a hammer a bunch of times and kills her.  She threatens Daughter with death, to keep her secret!  Esther then hides the evidence in the treehouse, but Son sees them!  That’s no problem, for Esther then sneaks into his room and holds a knife to him and tells him to keep quiet, or else! 

They take Esther to see Woman’s shrink, but Esther convinces her that everything is fine and, actually, Woman is the problem.  Esther then manipulates Man some more, and he tells her to make nice with Woman.  Esther does so by cutting the memorial roses for the stillborn child!  Woman freaks out, grabbing Esther’s arm, and Esther later breaks her own bone to make it look like Woman is abusing her.  Woman buys some wine to get drunk, but she resists the urge.  The next day, she is dropping the kids off at school, and Esther messes with the car so it rolls off on its own with Daughter still in the back seat.  She is fine, but later Man and Woman’s shrink have an intervention for Woman.  She insists that Esther is the problem, but no one believes her, because she’s just a filthy drunk.

Meanwhile, Son and Daughter are trying to solve their dilemma.  Daughter tells Son about the nun-murder evidence in the treehouse, but when Son tries to retrieve it Esther is there!  She locks him inside the treehouse and sets it on fire.  He manages to escape but falls to the ground.  Esther is about to drop a rock on his head, but his sister saves him!  Everyone goes to the hospital.  Woman continues to insist that Esther is the problem.  (She’s learned that the Russian orphanage has no record of her, and she found reference to an Estonian institute in Esther’s belongings.)  She tells Man, “I’m so done.  I’m done connecting these dots for you.”  Esther suspects that the adults are plotting against her, so she sneaks into Son’s hospital room and tries to smother him!  No one sees, of course, but Woman finds her afterwards and slaps the shit out of her.  Esther actually flies across the room!  Woman is sedated.  Man leaves her at the hospital and takes Esther and Daughter home.

At home, Man gets high and drunk.  Esther tarts herself up and tries to seduce him, but Man finally comes to his senses.  He sends her to her room and says that she’s going back to the orphanage!  Finally!  Esther proceeds to throw a tantrum in her room, while at the hospital Woman gets a phone call from the Estonian institute.  Turns out, it’s a mental hospital, and Esther (real name, Lena) was a patient there!  She has a rare hormonal disorder that causes “proportional dwarfism” so that “she only looks like a child.”  Esther isn’t a child – she’s 33 years old!  We see Esther taking out her false teeth, revealing rotting ones beneath, and she wipes off her makeup, and she suddenly looks so old, old like a 33 year old woman!   

Man wanders up to Esther’s room, which is empty, but he sees her art, which can only be viewed under blacklights.  It’s mostly of her stabbing and killing people, and also of her…um…fucking.  Mom leaves the hospital and proceeds to drive home in a reckless manner, so that we have to watch a couple of near accidents in the snow.  At home, Esther turns off the lights and then stabs Man to death.  Woman arrives home by crashing the car through the front wall.  We then have a chase scene involving Esther (with a gun), Woman, and Sister.  Woman ends up falling on Esther through the greenhouse roof, and Woman and Sister escape.  The police arrive and begin to search the house, but Esther is gone!

Woman and Sister end up at a frozen pond.  Esther catches up with them and tries to stab Woman to death, but the two of them fall through the ice.  After some predictable struggle, Woman is climbing out, but Esther pops up after her!  Esther says, “Please, don’t let me die, Mommy!”  Woman shouts, “I’m not your fucking mommy!” and kicks Esther in the face, also breaking her neck I guess.  Esther falls back into the water as police arrive and very gently take care of Woman and Sister. 

This isn’t horror.  It’s camp.  It’s kitsch.  Everything is crazy and over the top.  Still, it’s not quite awful.  The actors, strangely enough, are top notch.  The central conceit (“She’s just a tiny grown woman!”) is interesting.  Unfortunately, there are many flaws.  We get too many scenes where we’re made to think that something scary is about to happen (i.e. a jump scare) but then nothing happens!  A reverse jump-scare, if you will.  The characters are stupid beyond belief.  I haven’t even mentioned the weird sex stuff, and I’ll just leave it at that.

[magpie-moon]

well I love you, little dove

Just another depressed kid on the interwebs With ao3 and tumblr as my domain They think we’re all the same We have a hive mind. Aren’t you with the times? They say its normal adolescence But i don’t think it's typical to press blades into my thighs and lick up the essence To never make a mess and hide the evidence But it might be, i guess i’m just guessing And anyway that's an oversimplification, a dramatization Ignoring all the maybe ptsd, and trauma, the abuse, neglect and obsessive compulsive, adhd, anxiety and depression An obstinate delinquent, perhaps even anger issues. Here's a confession For 16 years everyone told me what to do, threatened me with violence And spent up all my mileage Now i’m just a rusted old jukered that gets grumpy when you try to fix me That screams when you try to change me To save me And really, it’s an art, being this foolish Like never missing a shooting star Or being able to always open jelly jars But now i’m about to derail all my plans As if they were ever attainable anyway Like those clouds and good math grades. Or ways to avoid getting caught with contraband for longer than six month and not being late for calls or never breaking anyone’s trust falls And well, maybe I move too fast. I’m speeding down a road, it's foggy. Not sure if that's slick black ice Or wet asphalt, shiny in the headlights 100 miles per hour when my speed should be 20 And i’ve always thought about my own mortality

Maybe it's just the morbid in me But stopping now would be fatal, just like giving me hope Like a noose around my neck, they gave me rope And i tied it, jumped from the ledge (and usually they took shortcuts along the ledge, one day they fell on the man below. His grieving widow encased him in crystal and warned people to be careful of people who fall from ledges like pigeon poop from pedestals. Oh, the circus of the mad) My neck all cracked like stained glass Cleaning up would be a pain Like cleaning up after twisters or fights in the rain, Forest fires or spilled milk in the dead of night I wish i were out of sight out of mind But really just i wish i had you in my sights Like literally, physically here with me Because i never learned how to put up walls Or separate tomorrow from eternity But now it's over, i’m at your beck and call It sometimes strikes me funny when you ask If i wanna deal with you when your burning up the sun When you can’t sit still and your brain is overrun Because honestly its kinda sick how much it turns me on In my mind, i help you out I kiss you dizzy, up against the lockers just before last period And whisper threats, i make you wait Your always desperate I'm always demanding In love with the way my imaginary you cries out with each little death I keep going, i never want it to end But really i just want you here, even though it kinda scares me Cause what if you leave as soon as you arrive

Or you realize i’m not that great at taking constructive criticism or even just compromise And you get tired of all things you thought you liked My endearing attributes that only end in spite Like the way i take long naps, or can’t cook to save my life Disorganized, careless and nothing ever gets done quite right And i’ll push you away eventually Even if it's just for a little while Cause i get tired and irritable Pissed off, unsatisfiable At best i’m annoying, at worst downright irredeemable I’m sorry in advance Sometimes i just need you too tell me i look decent When really my eyes are my only saving grace Isn’t that right? Once you called them mesmerizing Twice you called them stunning Thrice you called them lovely Well i love you, little dove And really, i just want a hug

[survey--s]

639.

Did you ever used to make cookies, cakes or pie with your grandma? No. One of them was in her eighties by the time I was old enough to cook/bake with her, and the other was a raging alcoholic who didn't even know who I was half the time, ha.

Do you burn incense? No, but I do burn scented candles.

Do you smoke weed? Nope. The smell is awful.

Have you actually been through a devastating natural disaster before? No, thankfully not. England is pretty "safe" in that respect. We do get floods most years but nothing serious thankfully. Occasionally I need a day off work due to road closures but otherwise life carries on as normal for the most part. What fast food place, in your opinion, has the best french fries? McDonald's or KFC.

Do you believe one day aliens might take over Planet Earth? No. I don't think aliens would have any interest in this dumpster fire of a planet, lol.

Do you like soda pop? If so, which is your favorite and least favorite? Yeah - lately it's been Dr Pepper but I do like Pepsi Max and Tango as well, depending on my mood.

Does it bother you when people burp around you or do you do it too? It depends? I mean, if close friends/family do it it's just kind of normal to me, but I wouldn't want to be with someone who burped in a cinema or fancy restaurant or something.

When is the next time you’ll talk to the cousin you’re closest to? I'm not close to any of my cousins.

When was the last time you saw a bird? What kind of bird was this? I have no idea, there are birds everywhere around here. It was probably a pigeon, blackbird or seagull.

How old were you when you had the chicken pox? I was about six.

Ever had a friend named Alex or John? Alex, yes. I've actually never known a John my age before.

When was the last time you painted a picture? Years ago. It's been at least a decade if not more.

What kind of stuff do you like on your hot dogs? I'm not a fan of hot dogs.

Where did you kiss the last person you kissed? In the kitchen.

What’s your favorite thing to eat for breakfast? It depends on my mood, honestly. I have a few favourites.

Has someone seen you naked in the past month? Yeah.

How many concerts have you been to? Maybe 8-10 overall, but not for a long time now.

Do you think it’s right for straight guys to get their tongue pierced? What wouldn't be right about it?

Last thing you drank? Dr Pepper.

Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? I've had my nose pierced for 13 years now.

Would you ever donate blood? I can't donate blood. They've never been able to find a vein.

Have you ever driven without a license? No.

Are you ticklish? Yep, extremely.

What are you listening to? The final Lord of the Rings is playing but I'm really not paying it much attention, it's just background noise really. I might even put something else on.

Describe the main problem with your last relationship? He was a compulsive liar.

What’s on your shower curtain? It's just plain glass door.

What cartoon/anime character can you most relate to? None of them really.

Do you have any pictures of celebs saved to your computer? No.

Do you like turtleneck sweaters/shirts? No. I love the look but they make me itch and sweat so badly, lol.

Do you find hands attractive? Not especially.

Do you think it is silly to give names to vehicles, or other inanimate objects? No.

Do you ever wear a robe? When it's really cold in the winter, yeah.

Is there a hair color/style you really like but don’t think you could pull off? Blonde hair.

Out of all the Disney/Pixar animal “sidekicks”, which one is your favorite? Maximus from Tangled! <--- yes! Or Sven from Frozen.

If your mom was a teacher, would you want to be in her class? Nope.

As a kid, did you love playing on Neopets? I never played Neopets or anything like that, really.

Would you ever get a pet turtle? Why or why not? No, just because I have no idea how to care for them.

What shop/store/brand would you model for, if given the choice? No thanks.

If I search your room will I find birth control? No.

Have you ever witnessed a birth? Only on television.

Have you ever been told you were a good writer? Yes, in school.

Is the last person of the opposite sex you texted single? No, we're married.

Which Scooby-Doo character are you most like (Scooby, Shaggy, Daphne, Fred, Velma, the monster, Scrappy?) I've never watched much Scooby-Doo.

Describe your dream wedding where money is no option. I'm happily married already, I have no real desire to spend loads of money on what is basically just one day.

Do you have a birth mark? Where? Does it look like anything? Yeah, on my chin. It looks like spilled food, lol.

If you were blind for the rest of your life… what would you miss seeing the most? Sunsets, the sea, my family and my animals.

What is the most outrageous thing you’ve done for God? You're asking the wrong person, I've never been interested in religion and I've certainly never believed in any kind of God. What person in the Bible do you most closely identify with? Nobody.

If you were to write a book what would it be about? I have no real desire to write a book.

Who do you admire the most? I don’t really get the concept of admiring people. < Same, I always struggle when faced with this question. Idk…I just don’t care enough about anyone to hold this kind of lasting feeling for them. <--- yep.

Who was your hero when you were a child, and what did you do to be like them? I didn’t have any heroes.

If you could rid the world of one thing, what would it be? Poverty.

The last piece of roadkill you saw, what kind of animal was it? A fox I think, or a squirrel.

Has anyone ever cheated on their boyfriend/girlfriend with you? Yes. I didn't know he was in a relationship at the time, though.

Who/what is the last thing you kicked? The kitten's little furry ball toy thing. List 5 things that have happened in the last 7 days. (They can be anything at all, anything that’s happened involving you, or your family, friends, partner) I saw my mum on Friday and we spent the day together. All the cats went off their food so we had to find a new brand they'd all eat and that wouldn't give them the shits. I finalised my plans for next weekend when we go to Manchester. I rediscovered my love of Dr Pepper. We finally got round to ordering a new bed.

Do you like The Hunger Games? The books were okay but I wasn't really a fan of the films.

Random fact about the person you love/like? He loves fishing.

What would you do if your ex contacted you? Block the number. How many pets do you want? And of what? We have three cats and a dog which is plenty for us. In an ideal world I'd have a horse but there's no way I could afford it or have the time for it right now, to be honest.

Have you ever asked someone out? Yeah.

Is the last person you kissed a virgin? No.

Who makes you the happiest? My family and my animals.

Has someone smacked your butt in the past week? Yeah.

Was your last kiss standing up, sitting down, or laying down? Standing up. What are your views on spontaneous human combustion? It's pretty freaky to think about.

What was the last zoo/aquarium you went to? Uh, just the local one. It's pretty crap, really.

What does the last message in your Facebook inbox concern? Angela, Reena, and I were discussing the alcohol options we can have tonight when we have our sleepover at my place.

Who is your closest friend of the opposite sex? What’s the best thing about him? Probably Hans. He’s funny and has got great advice for everything. 

How did you meet the person you fell hardest for? Online dating.

What was the last alcoholic drink you had? I think it was just white wine.

What did you last take medication for? A headache. What was your favourite thing about the person you fell hardest for? His overall personality.

Are you a strong swimmer? I'm not a bad swimmer but I wouldn't say I was strong. I haven't really swum properly in years, to be honest.

What is your favorite combination of colors? Purple, green, grey and black.

When was the last time you screamed out loud and what were the circumstances? I can't remember.

Can you describe your father in one word? Stubborn.

What’s the first movie you ever recall seeing? Pocahontas or Lion King.

Do you still watch movies intended for children? Of course, all the time.

What was your worst fear as a child? Have you overcame that fear? Bears. And I mean, I'm not exactly going to come across bears in rural England, lol.

What’s your younger sibling’s name? I don't have any siblings.

Have you ever had a churro? Yeah, I love them.

How is/was your chemistry class in high school? I hated chemistry.

What was the first thing you ate today? Peanut butter and banana on toast.

[the-archangel]

V’s Diary Part 2

[Note: Around 85% of Kerry and V’s in-game arc was covered in the first entry, so I might have to get a bit fast and loose with the beginning of the story for this one, the end however is in-game lore, I checked, a lot. Be warned  - inexpertly written but enthusiastically researched sexy times ahead!]

——————————————————————————

 “You’re not writing in that crappy, boring journal again? Shit V, I might just delta now to save the trouble.”

“Fine Johnny, whatever. You prolly wouldn’t like it anyway.”

“Colour me intrigued, maybe I’ll stick around after all....”

 V, typing: The day after the Dark Matter gig, I felt like shit. Not because of what had happened, that was all preem, more because of the mouthy terrorist in my head trying to kill me. I’d passed out on the bathroom floor for a good portion of the morning, missed a couple of jobs – nothing that would’ve changed the world, but it’s never good to let down a fixer. Fortunately, (kinda, I guess) most of them know my situation and give me some leeway. By the afternoon I was feeling more myself, stretched my legs doing some gigs for Dakota in The Badlands and visited Vik for a couple of upgrades....

“Gosh V, your life is so thrilling. I thought you weren’t writing about the boring shit?”

“I’m setting the scene, Butt out Silverhand.”

...... all without realising that I’d left my dumb phone on the bathroom floor. The pricey upgrade to use the holo without a phone was out of my reach until recently, and then I just hadn’t gotten around to it, and now anything could be going on and I wouldn’t know – shit!

 I’m rushing to get home so much, I nearly crashed the Porsche a couple a times pulling into the garage....

“You would’ve if I hadn’t taken the wheel.”

“Ok, maybe you’re not entirely useless.”

 .... I get parked, get in the lift and push through to my apartment, as usual Nibbles is there to meet me, but so is my smashed phone, still in the water on the bathroom floor......

 “Hey Johnny, did people in the 2020’s have mobile phones?”

“No V, we all used pigeons and smoke signals instead.”

“Really?? – Nah I’m just messing with you. They didn’t though, right?”

“No, no they didn’t. Sheesh.”

 Frantically, I dry the phone, shake off the worst of the glass and, thankfully it comes on, still half-charged. 7 messages from Regina (No, I don’t need another car right now, yes, I will deal with your psycho problem in Kabuki.) and one other from Kerry. He really enjoyed the previous evening and would like to go out for a drink sometime. Preem!

 I needed to check out some new contacts, so I suggested that I’d pick him up on the Apollo and we could bike down to the Afterlife. He’d not been for years, but agreed that it sounded fun, I didn’t care where we went, and I just wanted to feel his lithe, tanned body pressed up to mine for the journey.

 “Johnny, are you ok with this?”

“Course V, I’m not some prissy, tight-assed debutante who’s never kissed a guy.”

��Wait,.... What??”

“Never mind....”

“.......”

 Anyway, I pick Kerry up at his place, he climbs up behind and ......

[muffled] “Snksnk.”

..........and we head towards the bar. The ride is pretty uneventful, Kerry holds on to my belt-loops and is the perfect passenger, leaning and turning with the road. We have a chat with Clare, Kerry is disappointed that she doesn’t recognise him, but never shows it. I leave him with Johnny’s old flame Rogue, chatting about the old days and I network the room. Got a couple of leads, a possible heist (maybe not) and picked up some contacts.

The rocker comes to find me at around 11, “Wanna dance?”

Afterlife isn’t much of a dance bar, but Kerry flings his arm around my neck in the most debauched manner imaginable, pulling me towards him and I couldn’t say no. We begin moving (awkwardly in my case) to the heavy music, chest to chest, groin to groin we move as one with Kerry whispering filth in my ear, all I can do is sigh into his neck and slide my hands down to grab his righteous ass. It’s only Rogue’s passing comment about screamsheets lapping this up that brought us back to reality. Good job too, I was ready to do him right there on the bar....

He steps back, licking his lips, “We good to go V? I turn into a pumpkin these days if I’m not home by 1.” I chuckle at the thought of a sexy little Kerry pumpkin sat on his lawn; he reads what I’m thinking and laughs a gruff, sexy cackle.

Neither of us were what you could call sober, but I’d driven in far worse states and as long as Ker could stay on the back we’d be fine....

 “Ker?”

“What’s the problem now Johnny?”

“You just called him Ker.”

“Yeah, I did didn’t I?”

 How to get him on the bike was the first puzzle. Every time Kerry lifted a leg to pass it over the seat, he took a step back and missed, in the end I had to get off to let him crawl over and drop his leg on the other side, then squeeze in front of him without him falling off the back. It might be the cutest thing I’d ever seen. Then, he wrapped his arms around me to hold on tight, much as it was kinda nice, I also kinda like breathing when I’m driving, so I wiggled til he loosened up and we headed back to his.

Somewhere up there, there are stars and I was riding beneath them with Kerry behind me, his hands up my shirt resting on my abs, his cheek on my back and his hot groin sliding towards me at every corner – breathtaking.

Just before the North Oak bends, I felt the chrome in his throat humming on my back. It took me a minute to realise that he was snoring – not how the date was supposed to go...

“A date is it now?”

“You know it was Johnny.”

“I guess....”

I took my time on the bends, didn’t want to lose rock god Kerry Eurodyne over the side of a cliff, and made it to his door. Now I’m faced with a quandary. Not being able to quite see what position he’s in, I’m not sure what will happen if I try and dismount without waking him, but I don’t want to wake him. I want to see his face, serene in sleep and to kiss his eyelids til he wakes.....

“......”

“?”

-

-

....but he wakes as I move to get off the Apollo, slides his hands back down my stomach and rests them on his thighs before yawning loudly and stretching theatrically.“Thanks V. Had a great night.” he purrs.

“Mhm, me too. You know you were asleep there for the last couple of miles?”

“Yep, knew I was in good hands.... V, can I ask you to do something for me?”

“Course Ker, anything.”

“Not sure I’m ever going to get the hang of you having Johnny silently judging me in your head, could you just, y’know,  talk out loud to him when we’re together, let me have some clue what’s going on?”

“Sure, nothing easier. Night Ker.”

“Night V.”

He walks a few feet closing the gap between us and holds my face in his hands, looking deep into my eyes, my soul, eyes never wavering from mine he kisses me gently, almost chaste, soft but with a bite as he catches my bottom lip in his teeth and pulls. Then he backs up, smirking devilishly, the door opens and he’s gone. His eyes never once left mine the whole time, I needed a minute before I could sit on the bike in my tightening jeans.

“... V, you should probably skip the next bit...”

“What, how do you know what happened next, I took a bloc......shit. I meant to take a blocker then Mama Welles called and, .....oh never mind.”

“I’ll sum up for you, rode home, shower, embarrassingly short jerk off, bed.”

“...Gee thanks, Johnny, who needs self-esteem?”

“You’re welcome.”

 Ker called really early the next day, I wished Jackie was here cuz I’d want to see his face when I tell him I’d been invited for drinks on a yacht with a rock star. This is the big leagues Jackie!

It was originally supposed to be an afternoon thing, but Kerry messaged to say that something had come up and to meet at 7. Every time the phone rang I flinched in case it was him cancelling.

At 7 prompt.....

“....Actually it was 6:25”

“Fuck off Johnny.”

“Just tryin to help.”

 ...At around 7 I went to meet the boat. Ker welcomed me on board with a shitty pirate impression that made me laugh and he sat with his guitar on his leather clad knee gesturing me over. As I approached he patted the seat right next to his thigh, so I obediently sat thigh to thigh with the most fucking beautiful and intoxicating man in the world.

I leaned back with my eyes closed as he played a hauntingly beautiful, relaxing riff, the deep timbre of his humming vibrating deliciously through my thighs, he told me a bit about his life, his beliefs and so on. It felt like a privilege. He seemed very tied up in ‘life’s loops’.....

“D’you see what I did there Johnny?... Johnny...? Hmph”

...A philosophy (I guess) about important things coming back around. He told me about his guitar, its scarcity, its importance, and then smashed it dramatically to bits on the decking. He paced like a caged tiger looking for destruction; I would have done anything he asked of me that night. I still would. Kerry’s reasons for the upcoming destruction – more music biz stuff – went over my head, but the anger, passion and vitriol he was putting into wrecking that boat were infectious. I followed his lead and we totalled that shit – it was awesome.

 “....Johnny, you sleepin?....Johnny??...... Kay, ..sweet”

 So this time I definitely know I took the blockers, it’s not that I expected something to happen, but I hoped it would and didn’t want to waste any time.

The sweat on his body glowed like he was lit from within, his eyes sparkled with electricity (could’ve been the optics I guess) his full, open lips were too, too much to resist, so why bother and we clung onto each other like ships in a storm, lips pressing hard together until the clink of teeth warns us to slow down. He steps back to turn up the radio and displays his toned physique before taking a single step towards me and freeing me from my pants. His warm, calloused hand works my shaft expertly; his eyes are on mine once again, looking deep inside me as he brings me close to orgasm. But this guy is obviously a tease and likes to play, luckily, so do I. I slap his gorgeous ass – hard – eliciting a moan of pure lust and he turns to let me feel how hard he is.

“We need to get those pants off Ker.” I undo the laces and he pushes the leather down his perfect thighs until his erect dick bobs into view, I lick off the pre-cum and take in him my mouth briefly, until I’m pushed back and Kerry’s lips slide easily over my shaft, right to the balls which he takes in his hand and squeezes at the exact moment that I cum explosively into his fucking beautiful mouth. He smiles and swallows – I think I’m falling in love. The lighter is a surprise, thoughts of danger are forgotten though as I watch the firelight reflected in the depths of his eager eyes. Much of the rest is a blur, he lifts my thighs, slides inside me, bracing on my chest, he cums hard. I play rough, grabbing his throat, throwing him on the ground until I corner him and take him from behind , the breathy pants and groans tell me I’m on the right track. Just before I can finish in him again, he spins, pushing me backwards onto the seating and mounts my lap, bouncing his gorgeous ass on my grateful prick, but the fire burns too brightly and I finish lamely , gasping for air and massaging Kerry’s cum into my stomach as we run for the door and we abandon ship.

A moment of calm descends on the beach as we watch the Seamurai go down. Kerry is vibrating with potential and excitement, full of ideas. It feels like moments, but we sit for an hour or so talking, kissing and making promises. We both feel safe and optimistic in that moment, if only it could last.....

 “...Johnny? Do you mind me sleeping with Kerry?”

“Don’t get above yourself kid, you have one fuck and now you think you’re sleeping together? Ha!”

“What? No, it’s way more than one time.”

[Kerry’s voice] “More like, what? 15, 16?”

“Sounds about right for this week so far Ker. Didn’t you notice the blockers bottle emptying Johnny?....Johnny?”

[libraford]

OK so a brief rundown of each because theres a whole sit com happening here.

Zoning drama:

My neighborhood is home to a handful of unused plots of land that were going to be used as cul-de-sacs in the 80s before the developer ran out of money and it got taken by overgrowth. One of them got bought out by a different developer who wants to put in an old folks home but it has to be rezoned as commercial, city approved it. The neighborhood is PISSED in a very specific nimby way and put up all these signs on protest.

I've been a real pill about it because first it was 'save our parks!' Its not a park or I would have to maintain it as a parks employee. 'Save our nature preserve!' Not a nature preserve. Only nature preserve is tge one where they found tge body. 'Save our wetlands.' Not a wetland. Yalls move.

I keep asking them: what's wrong with having an old folks home nearby? They're great neighbors- they don't party, they're in bed by 9, and having a medical facility nearby means they have to reinforce the power grid. Only downside is mildly increased traffic, and the facility only houses like 32 people.

"Well, imagine your quiet little neighborhood is suddenly overrun by tge bright lights and loud sirens of emergency vehicles."

I live on the east end, Pam, right by the fire station, and BOTH my neighbors had multiple age-related emergencies in the past two years- face it Pam, the neighborhood is ageing.

But because my Facebook profile wasn't updated and says I still live in one of tge nearby cities, they've all decided that I was paid by the facility to silence them. Like if I was a paid actor do you thin I'd be living on the rental end of tge street, Pam?

Absolutely wild.

Roosters:

I wrote a longer bit about this when it happened, but over tge summer I worked for tge parks here. One day I was out on my rounds and saw two roosters in one of my parks. Called animal control and they did nothing. Got ahold of a local rescue and she captured the big one but tge little one got away.

Next Sunday I'm doing rounds again and I see a domestic pigeon at our shelter and she's clearly associating hands with food, so she's starving. Rescue lady can't come right away, we lock tge bird in the janitor closet.

She calls when she's nearby and we drop everything to get them together. Unfortunately this means interrupting a birthday party to free tge bird, upsetting one older lady who had opinions about birds and diseases.

Rescue lady tells me to keep an eye out for tge little bantam rooster that got away and I'm like yeah sure but there's coyotes here tgat bird is probably dead.

TWO WEEKS LATER I'm driving down tge road where they're gonna put tge old folks home and I think I see a crow, but it's not moving like a crow.

It's the fuckjng rooster, still fucking alive and living off of clover.

Long story short, we got all the birds and I got beef with tge head of animal control.

Psychic: tw domestic abuse, murder

OK so when i first moved here a woman went missing and her husband was leading the search. This was right before the pandemic and then continued during the pandemic, so there were some barriers causing the investigation to come to a halt.

We pretty much figured she was dead. And anyone who knew her according to my friend would tell you it was her husband because he was an abusive asshole to her and their kids. But tgere was no body, so there was no evidence.

Police don't employ psychics normally, they contact them when they're at a dead end. Enter Barb, local psychic medium and vodka aunt.

Barb tells them 'what you seek is at the beginning.'

So they go back to the house and search tge nature preserve behind the property and guess what- body. Strangled with an extension cord.

Find the murder weapon in their house, husband tries to cover it up as a suicide and he hid the body out of shame, then the kids finally spoke up and now he's in jail.

At least, this is details according to my friend who knows Barb and apparently she's very smug about solving the murder case kind of sort of.

And that's a summary of rumors and things that may or may not be happening jn my township.

Love small town drama. The Starbuck's near me closes down early because they can't keep staff (local dude keeps saying 'its because they unionized frowny face' and I'm like... if the manager is a piece of shite then the union didn't cause the walk-out, darlin') and someone was asking the facebook group where to get a cup of coffee.

Someone said, emphatically, 'Don't go to (local joint.)'

Local joint in question being very much a queer positive environment and specifically where all the queers hang out.

'Ok, why?'

'Neither me nor my friends go there and haven't since 2020 because they asked me to keep my mask on while all the other restaurants had lifted the mask rules and that was the final straw.'

... well.

....makes me wonder what the other straws were.

[k-s-morgan]

Hi! Just a general update + reply to asks I got. In short: right now, I’m fine. This night has been the best for me so far and I was finally able to sleep more or less normally. 

Once again, thank you. Hearing your words, getting financial help and all the useful information many of you shared is essential and life-saving to me. Due to a recommendation of one person from Syria, I went to sleep in the hall, away from the rooms with windows, and it did feel much safer. Multiple people gave me advice and even phone numbers of those who might be able to help me transport my pets to Poland - this means the world to me and I can’t thank you enough. 

Right now, I’m stuck in my apartment in Kiev because there are fights all over the city and down the roads. Almost no transport is working and we don’t have a car. Staying here is safer than leaving at the moment, but I have no idea what the future will bring. Many of your offered accommodations - this level of support blows my mind. I can assure that if I ever seek out your help, I won’t be a burden for long: we have relatives spread all over different countries, so even if we had to seek shelter, it would be very temporary. Leaving the country is the main problem, especially since I don’t want to leave my brother and father behind and no one will let them pass the border. 

Answering some questions: my family does have savings, but they are in $ cash. Ukraine stopped accepting it, so right now these savings are useless - that’s why I asked for help. With you, I managed to buy enough food both for my family and my pets to last us a month, and that made a huge difference. 

As for events in Ukraine: things are dangerous, but while this might surprise many of you, at the moment, I’m more worried about Ukrainians themselves. Our government started giving guns to everyone without even asking them for any ID. Marauders have already began robbing and murdering people/marking the abandoned apartments. There is also nothing romantic about civilians arming themselves - if the trained army cannot win this fight, they won’t either. The number of the dead and the level of destruction will rise, that’s all. Yesterday, a group of such people killed/hurt two parents and their children by mistaking them for Russians. Ukrainian army itself is now busy taking some of such people down, so it was a ridiculous and desperate decision. 

Also, there is an order for everyone to stay inside after 5 pm. Anyone who breaks this order will be considered a Russian. But people constantly move between their homes and the bomb shelters, at all times! Our shelters don’t have enough food and water; they don’t have bathrooms; there is not enough air for some, so people need to go out. This is not okay. The government also demands soldiers to blow up bridges. This is ridiculous, Russians will still manage to get here, even if takes them longer, but we, on the other hand, will be cut off food supplies for who knows how long - we will be unable to escape the city. 

It’s terrible when the danger starts pouring from every side, even the one that’s supposed to protect you. But on a brighter side, things are fine in my suburb. It’s a pretty quiet place located away from the center and the main roads; the existing military base was destroyed the first night, so hopefully, no one will bother much with us now. But since I was unable to sleep until this night, I still felt exhausted, terrible and scared. I even cried when my family went to asleep - every sound felt like a threat. Then I fell asleep myself at last, managed to stay this way for the entire night, and now I feel collected and calm again. I also finally ate something and began to read - small things, but at a time like this, they feel like victories.

I hope peace comes soon, all my family does. My cats and pigeons have no interest in what’s happening, they are as silly and lovely as always. And thank you again - for helping, supporting, and just listening. 

[britishassistant]

What happens if a new villain comes to town and starts tearing shit up? Like a new rival shows up, falls in love with yuu, and kidnaps them before enacting a huge take over the city scheme, will the NRC and RSA finally come together for the same goal? Or would it lead to chaotic in-fighting in their individual attempts to rescue the reporter and save the city/stop this jerk face from showing them up only for yuu to break out just so they can knock them all upside the head?

Thank you for the ask, dear anon!

“It’s so simple, love.” The villain coos, one hand cupping Yuu’s chin gently to tilt their face up, “Just accept my proposal, and we won’t need to have any nasty accidents where you and the tarmac down there have a...terminal disagreement.”

Yuu glances down at the drop from where they’ve been “tied” to the top of the skyscraper by the metal beams that the supervillain bent around their body like they were rubber. They think they can see a flock of pigeons flapping by below them. “That’s your idea of a threat? Really? Because I’ve heard worse over breakfast. Sorry, but I really don’t think we have the right chemistry to accept marriage to the likes of you.”

The villain pouts, leaning against the tip of the building as if they were a pair of people chatting on the streets far below, and not one hapless captive tied to an antenna and their captor floating with nary a second thought in midair. “Oh c’mon now love. Don’t make this more difficult than it has to be—you know that I could do far better with your Daddy’s little league than any of those second-rate bozos crowding around you.”

The reporter’s gaze sharpens, the corner of their mouth curling up in a snarl. “Don’t. Refer to them. Like that. They’re each seven times the supervillain you are, at least. Besides, I’d rather be turned into pancake mix on the pavement than do anything that could advance that man’s little projects.”

The villain tuts, coiffed hair ruffled by the breeze as he leans in far closer than Yuu is comfortable with. “Don’t play hard to get, love. So you’ve got Daddy issues, who doesn’t? It’s no reason to get in the way of progress. Maybe you’ll change your mind if I show you exactly what I can offer...”

Yuu recoils as the villain’s tongue forces its way into their mouth when their lips collide with all the force of a car crash, an invasive writhing thing that makes them gag at how far it pushes in as the villain hums greedily at their taste.

And one that the reporter swiftly brings their teeth down on.

Hard.

“FUCK! Ugh—you foul little bitch!!”

The backhand jars the reporter’s skull even as they brace for it, cutting the inside of their mouth and leaving them worried that if they try spitting out the blood gathering there, they’ll lose a tooth along with it.

The villain huffs, one hand carding through his ruffled hair. His tongue is already whole and unblemished, the last indents of their teeth healing as the reporter watches. “I didn’t want to do this, you know. I would’ve gladly taken you to the altar, and had you screaming in our wedding bed. I could’ve made you happy, if you’d just do what you’re told.”

Yuu sneers. “Frankly, I can’t imagine anything more boring.”

They take cold comfort in the fury that burns in the supervillain’s eyes at that.

“Fine. Fine.” The villain floats away, his eyes glowing that same bright red that melted through the wall to Yuu’s bedroom when they were first taken. “I was prepared to do this the nice way. I wanted to do this the nice way. But if you’re going to be such a little bitch about it, then I can always rely on the old fashioned method of succession.”

The laser beams swipe through the block of abandoned offices four stories below where the reporter is tied up.

The top of the building wavers, then begins to crumble forwards.

The villain says something else, probably something mocking and challenging them to get out of this mess because that’s the kind of cliche line that’s always used here, but Yuu can’t hear him over the whistle of the wind in their ears and the scream torn from their throat as they plummet.

They try frantically tug their arms free as their legs are pulled upwards by gravity, try their damndest to squirm free, but it’s no use, they’re not The Prefect right now, don’t even have the fedora on them, they’re Yuu, just Yuu, just helpless reporter Yuu, who can’t break steel beams with their pathetic powerless normal person strength, they’re going to die, they’re going to die, they’re going to die, they’re going to die, they’re going to die, they’re going to die, they’re going to die, they’re going to die, they’re going to die, oh Great Seven, they’re going to die—!

“KING'S ROAR!!!”

There’s a discombobulating moment of freefall as the metal and concrete around them disintegrates into sand.

Then a strong, wiry arm loops around their waist and they’re pinned to a carpet as their rapid descent gradually slows to a stop in midair.

“Need a lift?” They can’t see Snake Charmer’s eyebrows through the mask, but they get the feeling one of them is raised in a wry fashion as he smirks at them.

The reporter lets out a hysterical, shaky laugh that only narrowly escapes becoming a sob, trembling hands seizing onto the two supervillains like they’re lifelines. “Wh-what took y-you so long? Did you ge-get held up in traffic?”

King grumbles, flicking their temple gently as Water Boy laughs gleefully from where he’s steering the carpet. “You could show a little more gratitude, herbivore. Do you know how hard it was to evade all the goody-two-shoes on the way here to save your ass?”

Yuu’s about to reply, when they catch a movement above them out of the corner of their eye.

“INCOMING!!”

Water Boy jerks the flying carpet to the side just in time for the villain to plunge past them fist-first, close enough to see his teeth bared in a furious snarl.

“DRIVE!!” Snake Charmer screams at his lieutenant above the rushing wind as the villain rises back up to try his luck again. Water Boy presses the corners of the carpet forwards and they go into a rollercoaster dive that makes the reporter’s stomach roil in protest.

King unleashes his powers on the two buildings behind them, disintegrating the foundations in hopes that the tonnes of concrete and rebar would be enough to slow the flying brick chasing them. The villain just bursts through the obstacles with nary a broken sweat, and speeds up to the point where Water Boy has to turn the carpet upside down so they don’t get knocked out of the sky.

“Where the fuck is that computer junkie?!?” King yells at Snake Charmer as they draw dangerously close to the road below. “He was supposed to be here hours ago!!”

“How am I supposed to know?!” They can hear Snake Charmer’s heartbeat hammer in his chest from where he’s pinning them to the vehicle in the absence of a seatbelt. “It was the conman who was meant to give him the si—”

Yuu can barely scream a warning in time as the villain looms behind Leona’s head, eyes glowing red and ready.

A rush of flying metal harpies collide with the bastard’s face, effectively pinning him in midair as he struggles to destroy the thousands-strong swarm that obstructs his path to them.

“OPEN FIRE!!” Comes Hermes’ high-pitched cry as a blue beam shoots past them at the center of the robotic maelstrom.

A pair of red lasers rocket out to meet it, almost seeming as though it could push Ortho’s assault back—!

A white-hot streak of lightening descends from the formerly clear sky to where the villain was pinned, disrupting the red eye lasers and allowing Hermes’ beam to make contact.

There’s a hideous scream and the stench of burnt meat.

“We’re coming in too fast!!” Water Boy yells, tugging on the carpet’s tassels until they’re almost vertical. “Ja—I, I don’t know if we’ll slow down in time!!”

Yuu barely hears the curses the other two occupants spit, lunging to try and cover as much of them as they can with their body. Even if they crash, if Yuu can just absorb most of the shock of the landing—!

Small pinpricks of pain latch onto their scalp, their pajamas, the carpet and supervillains beneath them, hundreds of small beating appendages smacking them all in the face as the carpet’s rapid descent slows incrementally.

“Oh boys~?”

Four sets of strong hands seize the front of the carpet, their owners grunting as they attempt to force the carpet’s stop through sheer force. Of course, the continued existence of Newton’s Third Law combined with the reporter’s precarious shielding position means that though the carpet experiences sudden stop, Yuu keeps going at the same high speed that will ensure serious injury once they hit the tarmac.

Or it would do, if they didn’t collide with a solid chest and waiting pair of arms first.

The reporter finds themselves cradled in a nearly crushing grip, their catcher muttering “child of man, child of man,” into the top of their head and a warm thumb swipes over the rapidly darkening bruise on their cheek. The wind picks up around them alarmingly, whipping into a gale.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, I’m okay.” Yuu reaches up to pat Tsunotaro’s head soothingly. “See? Just a few scrapes and a little scare. Give me an ice pack and a shower and I’ll be right as rain.”

Tsunotaro doesn’t look very convinced, but at least the wind drops to more of a strong breeze.

“Oi, let ‘em down, you dumb lizard.” King growls behind the reporter, the rings on his tail clattering as it swishes irritably. “We did all the work of saving them, you don’t get to take the rewards.”

Tsunotaro clutches them closer, getting that stubborn look in his eyes that makes Yuu want to groan in exasperation. “No.”

“Why you—!”

“Now, now children, the world works in mysterious ways.” Batman beams. “I’ve always found destiny draws those it finds most suitable together.”

The reporter rolls their eyes as King snarls in response to that remark and Snake Charmer mutters, “I didn’t know ‘destiny’ was what you called interfering old fools.”

“What was that?”

“Nothing.” Snake Charmer climbs off the carpet and straightens his headscarf. “What’s next?”

There’s a crash as the mass of robots pinning the singed villain about three blocks down the street begins to shift, however unwillingly.

“‘Kay, the ‘save the princess’ team barely cleared the parameters for their part of the mission.” Charon’s floating tablet drifts forward, the sounds of frantic tapping on a keyboard almost drowning out his voice. “Now it’s time for the ‘aggro’ and ‘debuff’ teams to move in, Tsuntaro-sshi, Royal-sshi.”

“Understood. I’ll leave the coordinating of the others to you, Charon.” Royal Flush looks up and raises an unimpressed eyebrow at the tall fae. “Well? Are you coming?”

Yuu could almost swear they hear a small grumble as Tsunotaro finally lets them down out of his grasp. He runs his thumb over their injured cheek one last time. “Sebek, Silver. Defend the reporter as you would me.”

“Yes, Tsunotaro-sama!” The two of them chorus.

Royal Flush shakes his head, then reaches out and squeezes Yuu’s hand once. “If anything happens, Three of Clovers and Howl-san will get you somewhere safe. But this shouldn’t take long.”

“Oi, don’t presume to give orders to my minion, Flush.” King growls, inserting himself bodily between the two of them. His mouth curls up in a smirk as he places a proprietary hand on top of their head. “Besides, I’ll be here, won’t I?”

Royal Flush and Tsunotaro narrow their eyes at him, but their attention is claimed by the sound of metal crashing down the street as the villain shrugs off the rubble, the burns on his arms and face healing rapidly as they watch. His eyes flicker over their motley group, before settling on Yuu with laser-precision.

It’s only the arrow that flies into his shoulder, combined with a second lightening bolt striking him from the blue that keeps that metaphor from becoming literal.

Yuu chokes a little at the pressure on their pajama shirt collar as they’re dragged out of the line of fire. From where they’re crouched behind a car, they can see Tsunotaro and Hermes throwing almost everything he’s got as the bastard, while Royal tries to close the distance without ending up attacked himself. They also catch a glimpse of who they think is Leviathan silently gliding closer through the alleys on the far side of the street.

But the villain just won’t stop getting back up. Despite the fact that anyone sane would’ve given up the moment the green flames were broken out, he keeps coming, no matter how many times he gets thrown back.

And he’s clearly getting closer to the reporter he so desperately wants to kill.

“Now what?” Yuu asks, barely able to hear themselves think over the worried growl rumbling from Jack’s chest.

Charon’s muttering to himself as more of his robots fly by overhead. “Need to pin down the rate of regen, if we can get that and surpass it so the ‘debuff’ team can do their thing before the second wave gets here, but what is it?”

The reporter blinks. Well, taking into account the insult, and the backhand...

“He was able to heal his tongue about...four, maybe five seconds after I’d bitten through it? That’s only a rough estimate though, it may’ve been shorter.” They murmur.

The area around them goes very quiet.

“B-bitten through...?” Water Boy asks, hand coming up to his own mouth with a wince.

Yuu scowls. “That creep put it in my mouth when I did not ask him to. Ugh, I would’ve gone for his balls too, but the metal didn’t let me lift my legs that far.”

They huff for a moment at the unfairness of it. Then, “King, stop grinning at me like that.”

“Like what herbivore?” His tone is the picture of innocence, even if the way he’s eying them is most decidedly not.

Snake Charmer ‘accidentally’ kicks him in the shin as the sound of frantic typing erupts from the tablet again. “Setting the Erinyes to follow up on Ortho’s and Tsunotaro-sshi’s attacks within a three point five second time frame...fwe he he he, let’s see how that mob likes this!”

With the clack of what sounds like an enter key, the robots above them begin divebombing the villain in sequence, deliberately targeting the parts of him injured by Tsunotaro and Hermes’ blows.

One of them sacrifices itself in a kamikaze dive that leaves a bleeding scratch on his arm.

The villain roars, the force of his fury almost knocking them over even with how far away their little group is crouched, turning the lasers on every robot within his line of sight.

Of course, this means he stops paying attention to the three supervillains who have been steadily making their way towards him.

“FAIREST ONE OF ALL!”

“IT’S A DEAL!”

“OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!”

The powers hit the villain one after another, his lasers sputtering out with a pained scream. The scratch on his arm doesn’t start healing. Neither does the gash he gets across his face when Poison Queen roundhouse kicks him away with those stilettos of his.

“Was that it?” Leviathan says, his careless facade somewhat ruined by the fact that he wobbles as he begins to levitate. “I must confess I don’t understand what all the tr-trouble was.”

A low whistle by their ear makes Yuu jump. “The bosses can be scary when they wanna be. Remind me never to piss off those three at once.”

The reporter look up to see Ace and Floyd standing behind them. “Ace, wha—where have you been?!”

Floyd giggles and Ace shoots them an evil grin as they chorus, “Sending out party invites~”

Yuu blinks and tries to puzzle out this cryptic phrase, but their attention is swiftly drawn back to the scene of the battle at the sound of manic, unhinged laughter.

“You think you’ve won? You think something like this will stop me?!” The villain cackles, eyes wild and beginning to grow red again despite the way his body tenses and the collar around his neck starts to buckle. “You think that second-rate half-hearted hacks like you can stop someone like me?!? I am your superior!! You all will bend the knee once I snap that ungrateful little bitch’s neck and take my rightful place as head of the League!!! I’ll decimate every last one of those pathetic, moronic heroes who pollute this city like a fungus!! And then, oh , and then I’ll make every last one of you who thought they could get away with this pitiable attempt to stop me—”

“Us? Here to stop you?” Poison Queen tilts his head. “Don’t be ridiculous. We’re supervillains.”

“Stopping the likes of you.” Leviathan proclaims triumphantly, “Is their job.”

The villain stops.

The villain turns.

Over half the top heroes of the Royal Sword Association lead here by the minions meet his gaze.

“Hello.” Niko Niko Neko says with a wide grin.

Yuu isn’t close enough to hear if the villain whimpers, but they almost wish they were.

Almost.

[mcheang]

Alya decides to ask Lila for more details on Ladybug saving her, and Lila (being too vain to look at anything on the Ladyblog that isn't about her), makes up a story about having a been captured by an akuma whose rampage she didn't realize was witnessed and/or well-documented by Alya, and/or was one of her classmates or related to one to the classmates.

Timing

Alya asks how Ladybug saved Lila

Lila had watched the videos on the Ladyblog and had to choose a small, inconsequential akuma to base her story on

Lila: oh it was Mr Pigeon. I think he was angry at some tourists for shooing away his pigeons because they wanted a nice photo. So he started targeting newcomers like myself. I was just walking out of the airport when (she snaps her fingers) just like that, I was floating in a cloud of pigeons.

I was terrified I would fall to my death when the pigeons vanished with the akuma. But it wasn’t the miraculous cure that saved me, it was Ladybug! She swung by on her yo-yo and reached out a hand to grab me while I was falling and screaming like crazy.

Mr Ramier was so sorry he offered us all ice cream. Ladybug and I just clicked over ice cream cones and she said we should hang out again.

Alya: uh huh. And when was the attack?

Lila: the 2nd of April

Alix, who had been listening with the others, frowned. “That can’t be right. That was a Saturday, correct?”

Lila nodded. “Yup. I had the weekend to settle before attending school.”

Alix was still frowning. “But Mr Ramier couldn’t have attacked you then. We would have known about it.”

Alya: not exactly. Mr Pigeon is so common nowadays that even I have to rely on videos from the public instead of rushing over there myself. There’s not much point in remembering when he was akumatized at that point.

Alix: no, he can’t have been akumatized because we were with him when the Owl decided to arrange a Pigeon-friendly zone in the park.

Kim: oh yeah, we just tried to argue with Sabrina’s dad to let the man have his Pigeon corner.

Max: I remember!

Mylène: me too

Ivan: me three

Lila: it was a night attack, so that’s why you didn’t know.

Max: you don’t know how stubborn Mr Damocles is. He refused to let anyone leave until he won the argument, which lasted till 9pm. By then even Mr Ramier was so sleepy, I doubt he would have noticed tourists

Lila: he’s very sensitive to Pigeon matters

Ivan: he also was sent home by Sabrina’s dad because he and the Owl sent all of us home when he saw how tired we all were. I was there to see Mr Ramier enter his home, promising to go straight to bed

Lila: he must have seen the incident happen from his window

Max: there is no way. Mr Ramier’s home isn’t near any popular tourist attractions. And his window only looks out on the empty road.

Lila: maybe you got the dates mixed up

Alix: no. I specifically remember those first few days of April. First was April Fool’s. Second was Mr Ramier and the Owl. Third was a studying cram session since I couldn’t study the day before. Fourth was when you arrived.

Lila: then it must have been Mr Ramier’s twin brother. Why else is he akumatized so often? It’s because his twin is just as Pigeon nuts as he is.

But even that excuse was sounding ridiculous by now.

Alya: you���re a liar

Lila: no, I’m not!

Alya: prove it. The next time an akuma is defeated, I’ll wave Ladybug over and ask her if she knows you

Lila: she wouldn’t reveal our friendship. She wants to protect me.

Nino: then why did you brag about it on Alya’s blog, and didn’t even try to take it back

Lila: I...I...

Marinette: as happy as I am that you all finally opened your eyes, we don’t want another akuma. So just ignore Lila until she says she’s sorry. Oh, and Lila, i’d try to stay calm if I were you. If you do turn into an akuma, and when Ladybug defeats you, Alya will probably question her about your relationship. Do you want to be called out as a liar on the Ladyblog?

Lila did not and could only hope Alya would not remember her by the time the next one showed up

Alya deleted her interview and posted an apology, referencing to deleting posts where she did not do proper research. While Lila was not mentioned, some followers immediately connected the dots.

[thereal-true-ogilvie]

THE EMOTION REBLOG.

in order, every time he shows strong emotion in an allistic human way

[Color coded by emotion. Evil/angry is red. Surprised/Shocked is orange. Happy/friendly is yellow. Concerned/Distressed is green. Hurt/Sad is blue. Anything said through laughter is purple. Other/I don't know is pink]

ACT 1

Why are you yelling at me?

[His evil laugh after jumping down the elevator]

Can’t FUCKING believe it. Don’t FUCKING talk to me.

TOMMY! :D TOMMY!

WAIT... I told you not to touch anything!...Hey!

What did you do?

Niice.

Let me out of this BOX.

Don’t shoot me! Why are you shooting at me? I should’ve never let you in here.

Watch out! [note: this actually wasn't audible, but was heard in the behind the scenes. He says this before shooting a pigeon that's behind Gordon.]

ACT 2

Did you just hit me?

Oh no… Who did this :(

what the fuck did you do to my friend- of Josh?

Oh my god, look behind you!

He pushed down and it went up! This guy’s clearly nuts, let me-

I’m okay! 

Oh oh! Ah! Ah!

Yo! Put me on the Wikipedia Logo!

Yeah well that was close I kinda wanted that ok! [spoken very fast and emphatically]

ACT 3

We’re going home!

Mleh meh, meh meh meh meh! Mleh meh meh! WEH WAH!

All those articles are online for free!!! [this is said emphatically but i don't know what emotion it's conveying]

He’s sleeping! [incredibly childishly. could be joking, but i'm not sure]

Do you like HD DVD, idiot? Or do- do you like Blu-ray, friend?

OH! Oh my god this is a big- this is a big fight! I’ve been waiting for this moment!

Do your job right and he’s gonna be dead soon!

Oh, they separated his arm! What the hell? What are they gonna do with that?

Drink up, BUDDY.

Hey where’d your- Why are we here? What happened to your arm? Whats goi- what’s wrong, man?

ACT 4

Yeah, you fucked up! Yo he fucked up, you- he lost his arm like an idiot!

Yo, you knocked it over!

Oh, so he finally said it! You weren’t supposed to be there!

Mleh meh meh meh! Yooo brazzers!!! Nice!

Yo, take me with you, bro!

Call of duty air strike! Who got a kill streak? Ahaha!

[GTA Cheat codes get destroyed] No!

Follow me! Follow me, little child, follow me.

Ooh, likin the view from back here ;) [flirting]

Leave me alone! Just get out of my room!

What were they THINKING?

It means I hate you!!!!

There’s a pungent smell right beside me, I dunno. Road trip! Road triip!

Brooo you got praaanked! Ohhhhh ohhhhhh!!!

Gordon Feetman! [teasing]

No YOU shut up.

Welcome!!!!

This guy’s crazy! You’re crazy, buddy!

Oh, who did that? Someone daied. What haaappened… what haaapened?

No, we’re going further into Hell! [Distressed and sad]

No I- I refuse to talk to you. You’re not my friend anymore!

And we’re back! [loud. idk what emotion]

Add me!

Yo, what the fuck, I just wanna play games with people, man.

Time to sleep! Oh yeah! Bed is over here- back here!

INTO XEN

[ok i give up. i guess i was wrong. he shows a lot of emotion in Xen, mostly either hurt or angry/evil. still gonna finish the list tho]

I’ve been telling you to go back, I don’t know, man, you’re not listening to me, it kinda hurts.

Man, we used to be great friends…

Hug?

Yo what- why would you say that, that’s so mean…

Yo, friend! Welcome!

That’s a LIE! You won’t make it!

I’m gonna fucking kill you!!

BOSS FIGHT

I feel a good, but you make me ANGRY

I was gonna be NICE to you, remember that?

Heavenly Sword is NOT a rip off of God of War.

SONY CEO JACK TRETTON SURVIVED a nuclear BOMB!... but I saved the WORLD

You forced me to be BAD so I gonna be BAD…

friend.

WELCOME!

Feel my passport!

One by one!

Stop shooting at me, I have to shoot back, I don’t wanna do that…

I’m gonna GETCHA >:3 [sounds more teasing than evil but yknow]

Broooo… :(

Hey! Get out of here!

I can’t wait for you guys to see hell!

Aaaah! Aaauugh! Who’s shooting me?

What a LOSER. You guys CAN’T HURT ME!

Bad little boy!

Yo, you wanna DIE? HAHA!

Don’t go in there, please, no! I don’t like that room…

Yo, fuck off, bro!

This isn’t fair! This isn’t fair! No-uh! No-uh! [whining]

NOOOOOO!!!!!

PRE-CAST COMMENTARY SCENES

You’re using my mirror!

Ah the- the reflection of perfection!

Did you flush? Why not?? What’s wrong with you!?

Look at the mess you’ve made!

Why is there a baseball? What’s wrong with you!

You’re gonna stay in there! Hold on!

Aw fuck!

Oh, little butterfinger boy!

I win!!!

-END-

yooooo check this shit out i was RIGHT ANYWAYS even tho i gave up!

[emotion rb has 670 words 3,358 characters]

[og post has 819 words 4,538 characters]

once i finish it ill post my full color-coded document with everything he says

Hello everyone welcome BACK to: I talk about Benrey for a minute here!

Today we will talk about everyone's favorite: Mischaracterization in Fanfiction!

[I want to preface this with a very important note. Anything I bring up here is NOT something I'm complaining about. I LOVE mischaracterizing my little guy sometimes, especially by making him more like me, heart emoji. I just also know what's wrong so I mischaracterize him in a better and more accurate way /ref]

Now, the most common little thing is him showing basically any emotion in a human/allistic way. Laughter is pretty much the only exception, followed only by whining. He would NOT apologize and he would NOT break down sobbing. In fact I don't believe he has tear ducts he forgor to make them.

[as user needsmoreexplosions has said in the replies, this is hyperbolic! he does show plenty of emotions, just more muted than you'd expect. The first act has more bursts of emotion than the later acts as well. They brought up the "dont FUCKING talk to me" and I mentioned him yelling to Tommy happily. However, there's still not MANY examples. I'm going to rb this with every example of strong emotion he conveys and itll probably be shorter than this post. again. i love people making him emotional anyways, even if its not quite in character]

If he were to learn that Regular People Can't Respawn, he wouldn't go crying and apologizing to Gordon. He would go "oops." He would complain that no one told him. He would make fun of Gordon for not being able to respawn.

See:

"Benrey's not on this team anymore, apparently."

"Yo what- why would you say that, that's so mean."

[Whining, not crying. Always]

SPEAKING OF WHICH. The arm thing. A LOT of people tend to go with "he was trying to get the trackers out/hev suit off," when Dr. Coomer literally says, "I think they're just spiteful." He was getting back at Gordon for all the times he like. Shot him or somethin idk. People are right that he didn't expect the soldiers to cut off his arm, but he also DID expect them (and hype them up) to kill him. Not so he'd respawn without the hev suit or with his passport, just because "hey everyone else has died. And you are so mean to me. Your turn."

He doesn't act like a cat or crave attention, I'm so sorry fic writers [again, it's so fun and I love it tho, so keep doing it please] In fact, he loves to fuck off and leave the team, he does not need their attention. And, when given attention, he tends to just be mildly confused or antagonistic.

And he's not obsessed with the passports, guys! Let me get my fuckin 26-page document up rq... He says Passport/ID 26 times in Act 1 [yo what the fuck what a cool coincidence..... That's actually fucking awesome], then literally once in Act 2 and it wasn't even directed at Gordon. He doesn't say it at all in Act 3, though he does say One (1) time how much he loves his. He says it 6 times in Act 4, ALL of which are during his Boss Fight.

People make him a gamer. Yes, he is 100% but they make him the wrong KIND of gamer. He's not a Minecraft Animal Crossing Mario Kart gamer, he talks about Heavenly Sword, God of War, Halo, MAG, Grand Theft Auto and TF2. 2 First Person Shooters, 3 very violent action/adventure games, and TF2.

[actually, speaking of this image, did anyone else catch Gordon referencing the stairs bit but with ropes? Gordon has canonically read Homestuck]

The only TV he references is All Dogs Go To Heaven 2 and Fighting Redemption which are WILDLY different. And also whatever Ms. Pebbles is.

Not necessarily a common mischaracterization, but an important tidbit is that Benrey tends to be pacifistic towards Xen creatures, and not towards scientists and later security guards. Lots of people headcanon Experimentation which, while there's not really any evidence for that, there's also no evidence against it and it's a good headcanon that I like a lot.

He likes taking pictures. (shakes fic writers) give him a photo album!!!! SCANS OF GORDON'S FEET WOULD NOT BE IN THE ALBUM HE DOESN'T ACTUALLY HAVE THOSE. IT WAS NOT A FOOTSCANNER HD HE LIED.

The things he does know vs doesn't know are. Difficult. He isn't clueless about "human Things" he understands that shaking = nervous and balled fists = angry. He doesn't know what pigeons are but he does know mayonnaise and Big Mac with Freesh Fries.

The final important bit of info. Canon is kinda... flimsy? Canonically, according to Gir, Bubby is a straight guy who FUCKS. Canonically, according to Holly, Bubby is agender and married to Dr. Coomer.

So like. Go fucking crazy! Go stupid! A a a a a!

Just be aware when you're wrong LOL

[fullmooncenzo]

Potential storylines for development in Vincenzo Season 2:

1. A shift in the underbelly of Vincenzo’s dark mafia world linked to a new case in Korea brings V back to his motherland once more. By this time, with the power of the Guillotine file and Agent An and Cho and Director Tae’s help, V can no longer be traced to the villains’ deaths and can safely return.

2. Possible connection to Vincenzo’s biological father later down the road. He could be anyone and anything! Which leaves room for any kind of storyline. I personally think it’d be interesting for V to connect to his young persona and discover the possibility of another kind of life. Or if he realises his own father is a villain. How will someone like V deal with this?

3. Which leads me to: Vincenzo’s heightened internal conflict between the prospect of having a normal life by washing his hands off of murder and blood, and his built-in mafia instincts and mafia-related history. Seeing his own evil reflected in his father’s might just put everything under a new perspective.

4. Chayoung’s mum and her past with her. More insight into her internal world and how her past villainous partnership with Vincenzo has coloured/tainted the way she fights for justice in her work, and how loving someone like V has impacted her.

5. Chayenzo’s relationship and how their LDR has affected them. Also possible development on what it means to be both partners in work and life. Major potential for more iconic moments and catwalks.

6. Since Geumga plaza is still very much intact thanks to Chayoung’s iron-clad protection, we can see how they might’ve changed and their reactions to V being back in their lives again.

I know that the prospect of Vincenzo season 2 lies very much in the hands of writer Park Jaebum, because he holds the keys to the world and can do whatever he wants. But all I’m saying is if a pigeon and his crew can save Vincenzo when he was literally at the precipice of death, anything is possible. So if ever inspiration hits and he has something more to say, I feel like where we left off in the story won’t make his job an impossible task.