#but then the idea of scheduling and coordinating where to go will be too overwhelming

[cowinatrenchcoat]

Oh, you mean me? Because that describes me.

I'm like if a girl who didn't do much was still experiencing burnout

[laricht]

Disaster | Kakashi Hatake

Synopsis | This was getting out of both of their hands and it was time to talk about it. Content | fem!reader, nonsense, smooth talk, established relationship, engagement, wedding planning, mention of sex. Words | 1,847. Author's note | I hope you like it!

It was a wonderful morning, and both of their days off after various missions and busy schedules. Stretching your muscles on your bed first thing in the morning was essential, it usually let Kakashi know you were awake when he wasn't possessively surrounding you from behind and with her face in the crook of your neck, which was almost never.

After the rubbing of bodies in which each one readjusted themselves against the other, the greeting of good morning came, either by saying it or with a kiss, and then moving on to their routine, which consisted directly of morning sex.

But that morning wasn't like that, there was spectacular weather, and you had also stretched, but the night before you and Kakashi had been planning your wedding, staying up until the wee hours of the morning, at some point, you had gone to the shared bed, believing he had followed shortly after, but that was not the case. Now you wanted to know where your dear future husband was.

When you left the room you got the answer, he had fallen asleep on the couch, probably choosing something from one of all the things on the long list that rather than helping to organize, only overwhelmed them.

You poured coffee into one of those mugs with a motivational quote. Kakashi, already awake and watching from the couch, let out a laugh at the contrast between the message 'live, laugh, love' and your expression, which warned of committing a hate crime against anyone who pushed you over the edge.

He tasted the caffeine on your lips with a kiss after standing up and walking towards you, and he took the cup with him.

Overwhelmed you looked at the dining table, which they had occupied as their planning area. Everything was in chaos; neither of them had had time, and what little time they had was spent on wedding-related matters.

Kakashi snapped up the board with the list of tasks and other papers, ran his fingers over some before stopping at a section.

–Have we already gone over the coordination of the wedding procession? –He read that with difficulty, without knowing that there was a concept with all those words together.

–What about what? –You asked, approaching from behind and looking where his eyes did as well. You let out another long sigh.

You didn't know when everything had escalated into piles of things to do, or maybe you did?

They had both agreed that it would be something small, simple, and without too many people, quiet and without the need to invite people they didn't want out of obligation.

One afternoon, gathering as they had done before, Kurenai, at a sensitive moment that evening, had mentioned that she and Asuma had briefly discussed their ceremony. He wanted something grand, a celebration that included everyone they cared about. The Sarutobi said that it was not every day that one met the love of one's life, and that it deserved to be shared with those who have accompanied them on the journey.

Kakashi, who generally preferred quiet and privacy, couldn't help but imagine what it would be like to share that moment with more of his friends and loved ones. The idea of seeing all those who had been a part of his life, gathered together in a celebration of love and joy, began to seem less intrusive and more… comforting.

When he mentioned it you couldn't help but look at him with tenderness on your face, having reached the point with Kakashi that he confessed that to you with complete confidence made your heart skip a beat. You weren't going to say no, not when he looked at you with those eyes for which you would do anything. After what Kurenai had said, a slightly larger celebration, with laughter, hugs, and old friends, felt strangely right.

The problem came later when somehow everyone began to give their opinion on what a wedding, their wedding, should be like.  Soon, they started to lose sight of what they really wanted, morphing the initial concept from something simple to something that was now out of their hands.

–You definitely need a live band! –Guy exclaimed, with his usual enthusiasm. –Something that makes everyone get up and dance. And don't forget to include some friendly competition to liven up the night!

–Competition? –Sakura replied, amused. –I think it is more important to focus on decoration. Imagine a garden full of white flowers and hanging lights. It would be so beautiful and romantic.

Naruto, ever cheerful, quickly intervened. –But there also has to be ramen! You can´t miss! It would be great to have a ramen cart so everyone can eat as much as they want.

Ino, who had been listening attentively, added: –And the dress, of course. It has to be something spectacular. Make Kakashi-Sensei himself wonder if it's true that you're getting married!

You had only gone to leave a couple of reports from the academy at the Hokage tower, so the intervention of the group of shinobi startled you as you turned around and found them in the doorway.

You agreed to his requests and mentioned them to Kakashi, who accepted without question. The problem was that they started adopting other people's ideas, assuming the other would also want them but never expressing it to avoid overwhelming each other.

After the close circle gave their opinion, outsiders, who they didn't even know, also began to do so.

–Congratulations on the engagement. –a Sand ninja whom Kakashi had met on a mission said. Kakashi gave a strange look but thanked him nonetheless, with his usual kindness. –In Suna, there's a traditional dance. It's a beautiful way to unite everyone present. Have you thought about including some type of dance or performance?

–We had´t thought about that detail. –He confessed, placing a hand on the back of his neck guiltily, feeling like a bad future husband. –We will consider it.

Similar encounters happened with you. A merchant from a nearby village, familiar with both of you from various missions over the years, noticed the engagement ring on your finger and couldn't resist asking if the 'silver-haired boy' had finally taken the plunge.

When responding, he mentioned that if they wanted something truly unique during the ceremony, they should consider a bonding ritual with colored ribbons.

Your first thought was “What the fuck is that?” but you didn't say it aloud, nor did your face betray your confusion. You didn't ask about it, yet somehow it ended up on your lists.

Although the most difficult thing to choose was a date, now that was also at stake due to everything that remained to be organized and quoted, with little time left. You bit the inside of your cheek looking at the almanac with dates written down by you and Kakashi, and with notable exhaustion you rested your chin on the top of Kakashi's head, who was still sitting in the dining room with the papers in his hands.

«This is a disaster.» They both thought without mentioning it. Neither wanted to ruin what the other wanted, but it was being too much, so in unison they let out a –What if...?

Their eyes met, laughing at the compatibility. You sat next to Kakashi who told you to speak first, you took his hands in yours, being about to do something that had been lost little by little since they started planning the wedding: Be honest.

–I think that with all this about the ceremony, the things that we had in mind at the beginning are simply… They are not there. And yes, I don't know... –You hesitated for a moment. –... do we return to the simplicity that we wanted from the beginning?

Kakashi sighed with relief, a goofy smile on his lips. –I thought you were going to say you didn't want to marry me anymore.

-What? No, for God's sake! You're not going to get rid of me that easily. –you joke, finding calm in his eyes.

–I had also started to feel like things were getting out of hand. –Kakashi looked at you tenderly, his expression softening. His fingers gently caressed yours, giving you a sense of comfort. –The truth is that I have felt overwhelmed with all the plans and expectations. I don't need this – he turned briefly to look at the stack of brochures and documents. –, all I want is to be with you.

You smiled, feeling warmth in your chest. –We have always been good at simplifying things, right? –You said, remembering the times when you both found joy in the simple.

Kakashi nodded, his eyes shining with affection. –It's what I like most about us.

You leaned towards him, resting your head on his shoulder. He was right, from the beginning of your relationship as just friends things had always developed naturally, it was true that they never asked for anything but the other always gave everything, you were sorry that things became a little complicated due to the lack of communication, but you were good that they were back to normal.

Kakashi hugged you, the warmth of him enveloping you. –Although I think that what we like most about us is you. –He lightened the atmosphere once you saw him again, as if you hadn't known each other for a lifetime, going from best friends to a couple and now to a future husband, he placed a lock of hair behind your ear, looking at your face sweetly.

You felt a surge of love and gratitude towards him. –Thank you for being my partner in all of this. I don't know what I would do without you.

Kakashi smiled, kissing your forehead softly. –I love you too. –He responded with a smile, that while you hadn't said those exact words, it was implicit.

They both stayed silent for a moment, enjoying the closeness and tranquility of being together. In that instant, you knew they had made the right decision. It didn't matter how big or small the wedding was; What mattered was that they were together, ready to face the future as they always had: as soulmates who complemented each other perfectly.

Finally, Kakashi broke the silence with a spark of humor in his eyes. –Well, at least now we can focus on what's really important.

–And what would that be? –You asked, curious.

Kakashi smiled widely, his tone full of mischief. –Organize the honeymoon, of course.

You laughed, feeling relief and heat rising to your cheeks. -That sounds perfect to me.

At those words they were enough to gently pull you to her body, he let out a soft laugh as he held you firmly by the waist, and began to plant several cloying and loud kisses on your cheek.

–Now if you also agree, I would like to start our favorite routine. –Without waiting he lifted you from the waist and spoke again after leaving a kiss on your lips. –Do you prefer it this way or in a more wedding-like style?

[forevrus-in-love]

Why Do Some People Prefer Dating Over Being in a Relationship?

Hey, so you asked about why some people might prefer dating over being in a relationship, right? Frankly speaking, it’s an interesting topic because there are lots of reasons people lean toward one over the other. Let’s dive into it and I’ll break it down for you, yeah?

1. Freedom and Flexibility

First off, I think a big reason people prefer dating is the whole freedom and flexibility thing. Like, when you’re just dating, you don’t have to answer to anyone, you know? You can do what you want, see who you want, and there’s no expectation to constantly check in or make plans together.

Think about it—relationships, especially serious ones, come with a certain level of commitment. You’re sort of “tied” to that person’s schedule and needs. With dating, though? It’s a lot more laid-back. You can focus on your life, your goals, and your plans without having to coordinate with someone all the time. It’s perfect for people who, like, value their independence and don’t want to feel like they have to compromise on that freedom. Does that make sense?

2. Less Emotional Investment

Then, there’s the emotional investment piece. You know how in relationships you end up getting really close to someone emotionally? For some people, that’s exactly what they don’t want. Dating, on the other hand, is usually more casual, and there’s less pressure to go deep emotionally.

I’ve had friends who’ve told me they’re just not ready for the emotional rollercoaster of a serious relationship. They’d rather keep things light, fun, and avoid the heavy stuff, at least for now. It’s like they’re protecting their hearts in a way, you know? They get the companionship, but without all the intense feelings.

3. Focus on Personal Growth and Independence

Another big reason people stick to dating is that they’re in a phase where they want to focus on themselves. It’s like, you’ve got goals, dreams, and a lot of self-work to do, and being in a relationship can sometimes take up too much mental space.

I mean, I’ve been there myself—where you’re just trying to get your career on track or maybe working on personal growth, and adding a serious relationship to the mix feels like, well, too much. People might feel like dating gives them just the right balance: they get companionship and fun, but they can still fully focus on their own stuff. Independence can be a huge motivator for sticking to casual dating over something more serious.

4. Fear of Commitment or Past Experiences

Now, this one’s a biggie: fear of commitment. Some people have had really tough experiences in past relationships. You know, maybe they’ve been hurt or felt trapped, and that leaves a mark. They don’t want to jump back into something that might feel like they’re giving up too much control, or risking their heart again.

Or, it could even just be the idea of commitment itself that feels overwhelming. Like, committing to one person for a long time is a big deal! It’s not always easy, especially if you’ve been burned before. So instead, they keep things light with dating, avoiding the serious conversations and the risk of getting hurt again. Have you ever felt like that, where you just want to keep things easy-going after something tough?

5. Enjoying Variety and New Experiences

Ah, this is a fun one. Some people just love the variety that dating brings. When you’re dating casually, you get to meet new people, try new things, and explore different dynamics. There’s something exciting about that, right?

Like, if you’re in a relationship, after a while, things might feel routine. But dating? It’s fresh. There’s always someone new to meet, a new story to hear, or a new experience to share. I think for a lot of people, that’s a huge reason they prefer it over a relationship. It’s like having the fun without the long-term commitment. It’s kind of like going to different restaurants every week instead of sticking to just one, you know what I mean?

6. Avoiding Relationship Responsibilities

Relationships come with responsibilities—emotional support, making decisions together, managing expectations, and more. For some people, those responsibilities feel like, well, too much.

Dating allows them to enjoy companionship without all the obligations that come with a relationship. You don’t have to worry about things like shared finances or future planning. You’re just living in the moment. It’s more relaxed, and there’s less pressure to “be there” for someone in the same way you would be in a committed relationship.

It’s kind of like having all the perks of someone to hang out with, but without the pressure to play a long-term role in their life. Does that resonate with you?

7. Changing Social Norms and Perspectives

And, you know, society is changing. Back in the day, the expectation was always to find a partner, settle down, and build a life together. But nowadays, there’s less pressure to follow that traditional path. People are way more open to different types of relationships—casual dating being one of them.

I think a lot of people prefer dating simply because they don’t feel the same social pressure to be in a committed relationship. We’re living in a time where people have the freedom to explore what works best for them, and sometimes, that’s dating, not settling down. What do you think? Do you feel like the pressure is off these days to “find the one”?

Conclusion

So, to wrap it up, there are all kinds of reasons why people might prefer dating over being in a relationship. Whether it’s the freedom, avoiding emotional intensity, focusing on personal growth, or just enjoying variety—dating fits a lot of different lifestyles. And honestly, there’s no right or wrong choice. It’s all about what works for each person at any given point in their life.

At the end of the day, it’s a personal thing, and it doesn’t have to follow anyone else’s timeline or expectations. Everyone’s on their own journey, and whether it’s dating or being in a relationship, it’s just about figuring out what feels right. You know what I mean?

Oh, and by the way, when it comes to dating vs relationship, it’s really about understanding where you’re at and what you want. Just food for thought!

[jcmarchi]

Why Do Web Design Projects Come to a Standstill?

New Post has been published on https://thedigitalinsider.com/why-do-web-design-projects-come-to-a-standstill/

Why Do Web Design Projects Come to a Standstill?

A web designer’s schedule can be challenging. We try to plan so that projects don’t overlap. Scrambling to launch multiple websites simultaneously isn’t ideal. But it seems like something always disrupts our carefully crafted agenda.

A stalled project is often to blame. Everything is moving along – until it isn’t. Suddenly, your eager client has gone quiet. And you’re left to wonder and wait.

It may be a temporary situation. But it can drag on for months or longer. And the delay can have a significant impact.

Not only does the situation hurt your schedule, but it can also affect your bottom line. That money you were expecting hangs in the air along with the project. It’s not a good situation for your business.

So, why do web design projects come to a standstill? Here are a few thoughts on the root causes. Along the way, we’ll offer some tips to get things moving again.

Too Much Design by Committee

Project stakeholders must work together effectively and efficiently. But the more people involved, the harder it is to collaborate. And we can’t forget about the difficulty in achieving consensus.

The result is something that web designers loathe: design by committee. It’s a situation where everyone puts their ideas on the table. The ideas often conflict with and contradict each other. A lack of leadership and a clear vision for the project cause chaos.

This internal strife can grind progress to a halt. Even worse is that web designers are caught in the middle. We listen to the gripes but feel powerless to act.

All is not lost, however. If your client’s leadership is amiss, you might be able to help. Stepping into the void and bringing people together can restart progress.

The key is to get everyone working toward the same goal. Once that happens, things can come together quickly.

The Woes of Client-Created Content

Clients can be great at thinking big when it comes to content. They’ll have grand ideas for in-depth pages and blog posts. They envision a website that’s teeming with compelling articles.

Ideas aren’t the problem. The ability to deliver on them gets in the way. The reality tends to hit clients when it’s time to do the work.

It’s among the most common reasons for a slowdown. Ambitious clients bite off more than they can chew. They may feel overwhelmed by the task ahead of them.

The difficulty for web designers is that content is often the last piece of the puzzle. We can’t move forward without it. Thus, a beautiful new website may sit dormant while we wait.

Thankfully, it’s another area where we can pitch in. Our clients aren’t necessarily content creators. Therefore, they need someone to act as a guide.

You can walk them through the content creation process. Provide writing prompts or templates that clients can fill in. Short of that, you might also offer to produce the content yourself.

Content-related delays can go on indefinitely. Being proactive could make a positive difference.

A Client That’s Strapped for Time

Some clients have multiple responsibilities. It’s especially the case for small organizations. A decisionmaker may wear many hats. Their website is just one.

Building a website requires time to focus on the details. A client will need to review the site’s design and content. They’ll also need to coordinate with team members. There’s also the time needed for meetings and brainstorming.

It’s a challenge even during relatively quiet times. And it can slow things down immensely when something unexpected pops up.

It can be difficult for a client to ramp things back up. Regaining momentum after a long break doesn’t come naturally. Thus, they may put the project on the back burner.

You could wait for your client to restart things. But this also adds uncertainty to your schedule.

Communication might bring the project back to life. Get in touch with your client and offer assistance. Try to encourage them to delegate tasks when possible.

Everyone has limited time to get things done. Demonstrating a willingness to help may ease a client’s burden.

Deal with Project Delays Like a Pro

Dealing with project delays is a part of being a web designer. We may pride ourselves on being timely. But client-related stoppages are out of our control.

And there are a variety of reasons for a standstill. A client may have too much on their plate. They might also struggle with managing other stakeholders. Or they had an unexpected issue with their budget. The sky’s the limit.

The challenge for designers is that we need client participation. Sure, we can perform some tasks in the background. But we can’t finish the job without their feedback and approval.

Sometimes a delay is a positive. It frees up time to work on other projects while we wait. But that’s not always the case.

Indeed, the uncertainty can hang over our heads. When a client does get around to restarting, it inevitably clashes with our schedule. We’re left trying to squeeze the project into what we’re already doing.

The best we can do is to try and keep things moving forward. Making an effort here will be appreciated by your clients. As is knowing they aren’t alone in wanting to finish the project.

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[reasonsforhope]

@testingcheats0n I've seen you and a few other people asking this, so I wanted to give some advice/answers on how to do this if you have anxiety. In way more detail than you possibly wanted lol

And by the way, I say this as someone who has struggled with anxiety since uh *checks notes* Real Fucking Young. I had to deal with a lot of Bullshit That Gives You Anxiety, and I had to claw my way back from absolutely debilitating social anxiety when I was younger, and I still struggle with anxiety, if thankfully to a lesser degree. So I'm saying this as someone who has absolutely been there.

Start small. Groups and shit are intimidating and hard to coordinate and stressful. Start by messaging one or two friends, maybe about separate things

After Roe, I asked a friend if she wanted to come over to paint protest signs, which I told her I planned to go hang up around the neighborhood by myself. She said yes and we had a great time

Schedule something near a holiday so there's an "excuse" (but preferably not on the holiday, or you'll get more nos)

You can deliberately level up in Stuff You Can Do With X Acquaintance with a campaign of something like: text asking about something you need/have an excuse for (like homework or work deadlines); text asking about something you need again and then start "small talk" about related subjects; repeat 2-4x; message them without a clear excuse (yes this will stress you tf out the first time) 2-3x. If they're responding decently to all that, then hit them up for lowkey plans. "Hey, you wanna grab coffee [or whatever] sometime next week?" "Hey wanna do X Activity [e.g. that's on the list above]?"

Why yes I am autistic why do you ask

Also it's fine if you hang out one-on-one and don't super hit it off by the way. I've done that with people where we both mentally went "Hmm. Unfortunate" and then went back to having fun hanging out with whatever group we knew each other from

If you have a friend without a car or with a disability that can make getting around hard: "Hey, I'm running to Trader Joe's [or whatever] tomorrow night, want a ride?"

If you have a friend who also likes crafts: "Hey JoAnn's has a big sale rn, wanna go hit up crafting stuff this weeekend?"

I love dinner parties and entertaining, actually, but it really sucks when people flake. If you're doing that, start small, with just a couple close friends, and you can ask if they want to come hang out and cook with you so the prep is less overwhelming (or do potluck style)

When you have a friend or even an acquaintance who's sick or struggling, message them offering some string-free help. Invent (or actually have) an excuse for why this would be helping you out as well, if you'd prefer: "Hey, I know you're having a really shitty week[or feeling sick or whatever]. I accidentally made wayyyy too much soup the other night because I didn't check the recipe - I can bring some over tonight or tomorrow if you'd like! No pressure tho obv if you're busy"

For event spamming, follow local groups you're interested in on Facebook, Eventbrite, etc.

I've had pretty good luck with "arts and crafts hangouts." Some of them I invited friends, but I also have literally just posted "Art in the Park" events on groups like Lex and Meetup and had a nice couple people show up and a great time (and a bunch of future interest)

See what local orgs or nonprofits are around that you can volunteer with. A lot of local ones will host fairly small events, so less intimidating, and they're a great way to meet people who also care about helping their communities. Food pantries can be a reliable option too

Prepare to meet mostly of cool old people at volunteering things, btw. Cool old people are great - they have no idea what the latest cool bands or whatever are either, and also are pretty much always happy to have a whole extra Young Person (tm) volunteering. (Young is literally anyone under 45-50 here, btw)

Do your best to detach from outcomes. Easier said than done, obviously. But if you can do a thing with one person or two people, consider that a great big victory! 15-person dinner parties are for Expert Mode. When I hosted the Art in the Park events, I very deliberately went, "Okay, if no one shows up, that sucks but it's FINE, I'll just hang out in the park and do art and eat these chips by myself and have a lovely time"

I'm generally an advocate of picking an idea where if no one shows up, you can still have a good time doing the thing yourself or getting some work done or whatever

Is doing a lot of this going to be super uncomfortable, especially the first time? Yeah. And it'll suck.

But annoyingly, in order to deal with anxiety, you have to challenge and push through the anxiety a lot of the time. So sometimes, you just gotta grit your teeth and do it. Gotta close your eyes to make yourself hit "send"? Zero shame. Etc. etc.

Pace yourself. Practice reaching out like you're building a muscle. Do nice things after to reward yourself for Doing The Thing. I promise it can help

How to start building your social village--

How do you go from isolated to being apart of a properly connected social circle?? How do I go from that isolated individual to an actually connected person without having to force myself out to be a regular at a club or something??

Pick the most used social media across all your connections (for my this is sadly Facebook but I'm sure you could do this through discord or some other site I'm like 90% sure this is transferable in some formate maybe other ppl could pitch those ideas tho-) and then add everyone you know! And here's the fun stuff you could do in your group!

Functional ideas Village Group for-

Offer to swap babysitting/chores/errands or even buddies for these things

Offer to exchange sale/coupon/bulk buying info (A good example of this is a have a friend who knows a butcher and so her family once every 2 months bulk orders from him directly and it'd WAY cheaper for everyone)

Holiday organizing

Dinner party ideas/hang outs (know 2 or more ppl who like sewing? Organize a dinner once every few months and watch a movie and sew! Do a book club!)

Trade/swap/leading stuff (ex tools, books, unused snacks, boardgames, clothes, etc..)

Offer to be apart of a shared calander (I use Cozi personally but again use your preferred)

Event spamming (community event sharing bc no one ever gets proper info on them in time)

Plant swaps (I personally know like 3 different plant ppl who specialize in different types of plants ex 1 person does a lot of herbs and another does all succulents and another does super well with berries and they always wanna get rid of the babies or spread the spoils)

Organizing work parties (repair parties ex fences/roofs/, bulk cooking parties ex my families perogie parties, tax prep parties, hair dying get togethers, etc..)

Fun ideas for village-

Make a village badge/crest of some kind (at one point was making badges for dinner parties as gifts so this is an easy one for me)

Funny pet photos/meme dump ground

This allows for a pretty fun way to also make ppl feel connected. If I get to know someone fairly well like my neighbor or another parent from my kiddos school- I'll just add them to my weird little club thing! Here's a patch for you. Your family now!!

[iridescent-petrichor]

distance makes the heart grow fonder, chapter two

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Henderson!Reader

Warnings: none! this is just pure fluff

Words: 1.8K

Summer break was rolling around, and after an entire school year of late-night phone calls, cheesy handwritten notes, and summer plans made, you were finally making your way back to Hawkins, Indiana. Your finals ended earlier than you expected, and you wanted to be able to surprise Steve by showing up unannounced.

The only people that knew were your mother, Dustin, and Robin.

You’d called Robin the day you found out when your last final was, coordinating when you were arriving so she could wrangle Steve into the surprise. It wasn’t hard, since they were both scheduled to work at Family Video the day you’d be getting back, but Robin did have more information for you.

“Okay, so you know how there was a county fair happening while we were trying not to get murdered by a bunch of evil Russians?” She asked, taking advantage of Steve being late to work by calling you.

“Yes? I mean, I mostly remember the running from evil Russians part, but yeah, I think I remember a fair happening.” You said, not trying to reminisce on one of the many days your life was in danger.

“Well, Steve never got a chance to go, and now he’s been raving about the fair that’s happening the next town over.” You perked up, suddenly understanding where Robin was getting at. “You get to Hawkins at what, 1:30? Steve gets off at one and he’s been begging me to go with him, but something tells me he’d much prefer to go with you.”

A smile pulled at your lips. “Thanks, Rob.”

“Shit, gotta go. Lover boy’s entering the building.” Robin could barely finish her sentence before you heard the dial tone.

 Finally, you arrived in your hometown, driving past familiar scenery and people you haven’t seen in nine months. You drove down, taking the route you knew all too well, beelining to Family Video.

When you pulled into the parking lot, you saw Robin first. She was talking to a random customer, stopping once she saw your car. Craning her neck, she grinned at you as you walked up, pulling the front door open. As you did, the customer grabbed her change and walked out. The store still had a couple of people roaming around, but no one paid any mind to you.

“Thank god you’re here. Steve’s been getting antsy, it took every power I have to keep him distracted until you got here.” She exclaimed, reaching over the counter to grab your hand.

“He’s here, though?” You looked around the store, trying to see if you could find him.

“In the back.” She stepped back, motioning for you to wait as she went off to grab him.

You listened in, hearing Robin calling to him.

“Steve! You’ve got a visitor!”

Steve stumbled out, clearly annoyed at who must be visiting him at his job – probably assuming it was one of the kids coming to bug him…

When he saw you, however, he felt every piece of tension in his body disappear.

“Holy shit.” He whispered, forcing himself to break out of his daze to run towards you.

Suddenly, you’re lifted off the ground, holding Steve tight as he spun you around. When he gently set you down, he peppered your face in kisses, hands staying on either side of you to keep you as close as possible.

“I thought you weren’t coming back until next week?” Overwhelmed by your presence, Steve pulled you into another hug, burying his face in your neck.

You laughed lightly, looking up at him. “Well, I heard you wanted to go to the fair.”

His face lit up, and the joy in his eyes made your heart feel warm.

You offer Steve your arm, and he takes it, walking the two of you outside with a quick wave to Robin. When you get out of the video store, you realize that you and Steve both have your own cars here.

“So… I didn’t think that part through.” You muttered. There was no chance you were gonna drive separately to the fair, but you weren’t too keen on keeping your car parked for hours unattended despite how small the town was.

“I have an idea!” Steve blurted out, turning to you. “You drive home, I’ll meet you there. Gives you time to say hi to Dustin, and I can drive us to the fair.”

You couldn’t shake the feeling that you were in a dream, with Steve being so sweet to you all the time. Needless to say, you were thankful to be home.

“Okay.”

So, you drove home. You knocked on the front door, choosing not to use your keys, grinning when you heard your mom’s voice.

“Dusty, can you get the door?”

Silence.

“Dusty!”

“I’m coming!” Your brother’s voice called back. There was shuffling for a moment before the door swung open in front of you.

“Jeez, you’ve gotten taller.” You said, laughing when Dustin broke out into a smile, launching himself at you and hugging you with enough energy to power a city.

“You’re finally home!” He cheered, pulling back so you could walk in, shutting the door behind you.

“Hi, mom!” You greeted, seeing your mom on the couch. She squealed, running up to give you a hug as well.

You could say what you wanted about Hawkins, but you always knew there were people that loved you there.

After a small reunion, you excused yourself to your old room, cleaning yourself up.

It took longer than you expected to hear a knock at the door, wondering why Steve wasn’t right behind you.

He must’ve gone home to freshen up as well.

You made your way to the door, narrowly beating Dustin to the punch, opening it to reveal Steve standing in front of you, a bouquet of beautiful roses in his hand

“Steve…”

“Thought I’d get you a little something. You know, they’re almost as beautiful as you. Not quite though, I don’t think anything can match your beauty.” Steve was nervous as he spoke, honestly terrified of messing something up. You felt like you could cry, very much not used to the attention and affection – especially not from someone you’d had a crush on for years.

You didn’t get a chance to respond, as the sound of Dustin’s fake gagging distracted the both of you.

“You guys are disgusting.” He said, shoving you out of the house towards Steve’s car. “Be safe, don’t be out too late, don’t open a gate to another dimension, blah, blah, blah!”

He shut the door behind you, finally leaving you and Steve alone.

“What a good kid,” Steve exclaimed, and you laughed, carefully taking the bouquet from him.

He walked you to his car, kindly opening the passenger door for you and closing it once you’d gotten inside before climbing into the driver’s seat.

It was everything you ever wanted.

The fair was a couple of hours away, being in the next town over, but neither you nor Steve minded. You talked and talked, recounting every little experience from your year at college. Most of it you knew you’d mentioned before over the phone or in letters, but Steve didn’t care. He loved hearing you talk, and he hung onto every word either way.

 When the two of you finally arrived, you gasped, taking it all in. It was much bigger than the one set up in Hawkins, you knew that. Despite not being able to go, you’d passed by it at least once.

“Ready?” Steve asked, parking the car.

“As ever.” You said with a smile, laughing when Steve hurriedly got out of the car so he could open your door before you could.

He reached a hand out as well, helping you up while you got out of the car, keeping his hand in yours as you walked up to grab your tickets.

You started to grab your wallet, but Steve stopped you, graciously paying for both of your batches of tickets.

“My treat. Now,” His eyes darted all over the fair, at the rides and the food carts, and more. “Where shall we begin?”

“Ferris wheel.” You said, very matter of factly. “Obvious choice.”

Steve didn’t argue, letting you pull him in the direction of the massive ferris wheel.

You got in line, watching all of the pairs find their spots until it was eventually your turn. The man working pulled up the bar, letting you two take your seats before he secured it over your laps.

Steve sat close to you, moving an arm around you as the ride began to move. Your fingers drummed against the security bar, too excited to keep still.

“You know,” Steve spoke quietly as you approached the top. “Have I ever told you heights make me a little… uneasy?”

“Steve,” You hissed as if you were afraid the world could hear you. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Movies always have couples in ferris wheels, I wanted it to be romantic.” He said, giving you a sheepish grin.

“You’re such an idiot.” You muttered, noticing Steve was still nervously looking over the edge. There was one thing you were sure would distract him, so you pulled him close, bringing him into a kiss.

All of his worries melted away the second your lips touched his. He felt like he was in a cheesy romance movie, the only thing that would’ve made it better would be if sparks literally flew.

By the time you pulled away, you were nearing the bottom again, Steve’s anxiety fully gone at that point.

“Thanks. Feel free to do that any other time, too, by the way.” You laughed, slapping him lightly, allowing him to help you down off the ride.

You spent the rest of the night running between every ride you could see, determined to go on as many as possible. Steve let you pull him from ride to ride, keeping a firm grip on your hand so neither of you would get lost. Both of you knew it was mostly just an excuse to keep holding hands, but you certainly didn’t mind.

It felt like the perfect night, and by the time the park was closing, you had a massive stuffed bear that Steve won for you, and you returned the favor, winning him a matching one, knowing Robin would definitely call you one of those annoying couples that are so happy it’s almost infuriating.

It was the middle of the night by the time Steve dropped you off at your house, still being gentlemanly enough to walk you to your front door.

“I had fun.” You said, absentmindedly swinging his hand back and forth in front of you.

With his free hand, Steve gently pulled you in by your waist, pressing a sweet kiss to your lips.

“I’m so glad you’re back.”

[chasingpj]

𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬

pairing: percy jackson x child of zeus!reader and jason x older sibling!reader

requested: yes!

warning: two curse words, mentions of stealing, death of a parent, and i believe that is it!

category: headcanons, fluff

a/n: i may have gotten too carried away but... i had a lot of fun writing this haha. i hope you guys like it!

pre-relationship

you and percy invented the phrase power couple but coming together took a while

your relationship dynamic would be very similar to thalia and percy's at first

you're both natural-born leaders, so you guys butt heads very often

you're more calculated and organized when it comes to things and percy being impulsive really annoyed you

he's lucky that even though he is impulsive, things somehow always work out in the end

if it wasn't for annabeth urging you guys to get along, you probably would still be at each other's neck

how did she get you guys to get along, you may ask?

she locked you guys in a storage closet :)

and said figure it out ♡

this happened after a friendly sparring practice turned into a full-on fight with your powers

annabeth insisted she wouldn't let you guys out until you declared to be friends

at the time, you were like, percy will never be my friend, ew

percy was just as annoyed

after a good hour of bickering and resisting your urge to choke him out

you guys found that you had a lot in common, actually?

huh, who would have known?

apparently annabeth

you guys talked about your life outside of camp and bonded over the worst teachers you've ever had

turns out, percy wasn't that bad

you'd never admit that out loud though

after a while, you started to feel things

were percy's eyes always that pretty?

yes, they've always been

oh look, those freckles over his nose? adorable

did you just call Percy adorable? yeah, you did… gross

you tried to deny your attraction to him

you were pretty sure this was a cruel joke from aphrodite (it was… more for your dad's than for you guys, though)

then you started noticing changes in his behavior too

now you guys were sharing blankets at the campfire when it got chilly

he even shared the blue cookies his mother sent him too

that's when you should have known he was down bad

both of you have awful sleep schedules

you hated sleeping in cabin 1

it was clearly built not to be slept in, and every few days, you found yourself having late-night conversations with percy at the docks

once the harpies snuck up on you and percy told you to get in the water with him

you didn't know how to swim, and you were kinda horrified of open water

you wanted to refuse, but you were cornered on the docks

you either jumped or got eaten

the last thing you said was that you couldn't swim before percy didn't give you a choice

he grabbed your hand and jumped in

his arm wrapped around your waist to keep you in the air bubble he had made around you guys

at first, you didn't focus on it

too busy trying to defend yourself from his teasing

he continued to mimic the way you screamed when he dragged you into the water

"wow, you can fly, but you can't swim?"

you rolled your eyes, trying to defend yourself

you called him annoying, and he playfully threatened to let you drown

you guys joked and laughed, staying a little too long underwater

after your laughter ceased, you found yourself looking into his eyes

the both of you became quiet

suddenly his arm around your waist, the way your chests were pressed against each other made you horribly flustered

and you're not sure what you were thinking

actually, you weren't thinking at all, but you leaned in and kissed him

like really kissed him, it was a proper kiss

ahhhhhh!!!

probably would have kissed him longer if the water nymphs didn't giggle, exposing their little audience

once you pulled away, they scattered, ready to gossip about what they saw

the news made it to atlantis pretty fast

after the kiss, things were so awkward

you avoided him for days, and he avoided you

annabeth felt the tension, and she was upset because just when you guys were getting along, suddenly, you guys were avoiding each other

the battle of manhattan was approaching soon and the last thing anyone wanted was for you guys not to get along

you both avoided annabeth’s questions, not ready to confess what you guys had shared

eventually, annabeth kept pressing you about what happened

you blew up and admitted that you made out with percy in the water

annabeth was speechless before she burst into laughter

you didn't understand why it was so funny at first

but then you did

the both of you laughed until annabeth said that she wasn't surprised at all

the battle of manhattan comes around, and in the urgency of the moment, you guys were able to rise to the occasion

your movements, thoughts, commands were completely coordinated

you guys were an extension of each other, kicking ass

at the end, you were both offered immortality

the offer took you back to a conversation you guys had where you spoke about how you'd never want to be immortal

the both of you exchanged looks before you simultaneously denied the gift

zeus was offended x2

after that, you guys returned to camp half-blood

the both of you were upset at the campers you've lost and trying to recover from the adrenaline of battle

you and annabeth sang percy happy birthday and the three of you sat together and ate blue cake in a comfortable silence

weeks passed, and one day, you're met with annabeth barging into your cabin asking when you and percy are going to talk about your kiss

it was the last day of camp, and she was insistent on you talking to him

you reluctantly agreed, mainly because annabeth threatened to lock you in a storage closet again

you guys sat on the dunes in silence for a while

the both of you wanted to confess, but neither knew how to do it

after some silence, the both of you spoke at the same time

you stuttered over each other and then began bickering back and forth on who should go first until you blurted out that you like him

you cringed and looked away as percy froze in his spot

it was silent for a moment before percy whispered, "I like you too."

cue your second kiss

your teeth slightly bumping with his since the both of you were smiling so much

and you swore you heard thunder in the distance even though there were clear skies

relationship

you lived in a foster home on the other side of manhattan, so you guys saw each other every weekend

you guys went on movie dates, long drives, and you would sleep over pretty often

for the spooky season, you went to haunted houses and carved pumpkins

you watched horror movies together, teasing each other when one of you jumped and tried to cover your face during the scary parts

you went to his place for Thanksgiving and you arrived early so that the both of you could help sally cook all day

you and percy put blue food coloring on the mashed potatoes

for the first time ever, you felt like you were apart of a family since sally had welcomed you with open arms

everything was going great but then december came around

the last time you saw percy, you guys were christmas shopping for his mom

your last day of school ended a few days after his, so you planned to meet at CHB

but when you got there, you found out he never arrived

you called his home from the payphone in the big house

sally was relieved to hear from you, a part of her hoping he was with you

but you both found out that neither of you had heard from him in a few days

meeting jason

you and annabeth tried everything to find him

then you got a dream from hera that the answer to where percy is was with the guy with one shoe

you arrive and you find this blonde kid and not your boyfriend; you were kinda actually very annoyed

but this blonde kid felt familiar

you weren't sure what it was, and then you heard his name — Jason Grace

surely, it was a coincidence that he shared the name of your missing brother

you were too young to remember his disappearance

the only remembrance you had of him was a picture of the both of you as toddlers sitting happily beside thalia

you always wondered who was the little boy in the photo and it wasn't until a few years ago did thalia tell you about him disappearing

you were a bit wary of him at first, especially since he had no memory of where he came from

it wasn't until he conjured lightning with his sword, did you have no doubt in your mind that he was your brother

the first night you guys spent in the cabin together was awkward

you couldn't really catch up since he didn't remember anything, so you told him what thalia told you about him and your mother

you didn't reveal him everything, not wanting to overwhelm him and you had decided to call it a night before you went into detail

you explained the rest of the story after he came back from his quest

you tried to ask him questions hoping he’d remember more, but his memory wasn't coming back fast enough

both you and jason were growing frustrated, so one day you iris messaged thalia

the both of you came up with an idea to jog jason's memory by showing him things that he enjoyed as a toddler

jason was pretty sure it wouldn't work, but he went along with it

thalia recalled that the two of you really liked watching the flintstones as babies

so you and jason sat down and watched every season available on dvd

and well, it didn't work...

thalia also mentioned you both really liked sweets, so you tried to jog his memory with candy bars

you had to convince jason to sneak out of camp with you

he thought it was such a bad idea, but you reassured him he'd be fine

after reluctantly agreeing, jason and you escaped at night to buy actually steal candy bars from the closest gas station

jason panicked as he watches you shove candy bars in your sweatshirt

"we're gonna get caught"

"if you keep looking that scared, we just might," you replied a little too calmly

he tried to relax, but he just looked like he saw a ghost the entire time

on your way back, you may have electrocuted a harpy and fought a couple cyclops and all the fighting and running made you lose one of your snicker bars

you were upset, to say the least

unfortunately, after stuffing him with chocolate, that didn't work either

then you tried to show him the few pictures you were able to salvage before you were taken to the foster home after the death of your mother

jason sat in front of you on the floor as you pulled the box from under your bed

you smiled, finding an old picture of your mother, and you put it up to his face, taking in the similarities between the two

"yep, you look just like her," you confirmed as you smiled sadly

even though jason didn't know her, he felt a sense of pride when you had told him so

every time a memory would come back, you were the first person he told

when his memories with lupa came back, you were shook

and then you teased him, saying that he's basically a dog

once you threw a twig and told him to go fetch

he didn't find it as funny as you and leo did, but oh well

you also asked if he howled at full moons, and you were met with the straightest face you've ever seen on jason

it was the funniest thing ever to you

every week you guys kicked ass in capture the flag

you guys were more alike than you thought

it was guaranteed that whichever team you were on would win

in the months when the argo II was being built, you had a lot of times to bond with jason

your dynamic was really fun as you were a bit more rebellious and silly while he was a lot more responsible and mature

after the argo II departed

you reuniting with percy was something you thought about for months

you were so excited when the argo II was officially ready to fly over to camp jupiter

your pulse was thumping in your ears when you saw percy in the crowd

after months of worrying about where he was and if he was still alive, it was almost surreal to see him right in front of you

you lunged into him so hard, he stumbled back as you kissed him

just like your second kiss, the both of you were smiling so hard your teeth kept bumping against his

"i love your new look," you commented on his toga, and he snorted,

"yeah?"

"oh yeah, it's kinda hot."

the both of you laughed, content to be in each other's arms again

after getting on the argo II, you were the reason jason and percy formed some sort of a friendship

you were the mutual ground for the both of them since they had a soft spot for you

the tension between the two was something you couldn't disregard and you hated how weird it was at the beginning

if they butted heads, you tried to mend the problem

you understood both of them well enough to understand where they came from

at some point, you and annabeth thought it would be funny to lock them in a storage closet

so you did

they kept complaining to be let out but eventually, they gave in

little did they know that you were standing near the door and listening to their conversation

jason told him how you helped him a lot and all the ridiculous things you made him do

and percy shared stories of you from quests and at camp

the both of them laughed and bonded over having someone as amazing as you in their lives

"y/n is pretty great," percy smiles

"yeah, they are," jason agreed

needless to say, your heart warmed at the praise from your two favorite boys

masterlists taglist: @xxyrr @nct127bee @mochabreezeee @minamisulemisa @yanfeisluvr @Slytherclaw-kitten @-thatgirloverthere- @passionswift @nanskidoodle @idk-bye-no @ilikefluffygingercats @all-hailreyna @autmngirlworld @Sunkissedskin1328 @Hermioneswifeee @quteez @hajigayy @aleksanderwh0r3 @drayshadow @tonyedwardstarkk @londoncherry @ashookykooky @lotusnegra666 @loverstyless

[mochegato]

Even the Losers

Chapter 11

Chapter 1     Chapter 10

“What do you mean he knew?” Dick asked, taking a seat in the chair across from Bruce.  He looked around for Alfred to make sure he wasn’t going to lecture them for talking about bat business in the manor when Bruce’s newest daughter could walk in on them at any moment.

Dick scrunched his face in thought.  That wasn’t right was it?  She wasn’t his newest daughter.  She was his oldest child.  Well, not oldest.  He was the oldest.  But she was the one he had the longest.  He had her before he took in Dick.  He’d given her up and then taken Dick in soon after and honestly Dick wasn’t sure how to reconcile that.  He was eternally grateful that Bruce had taken him in and helped him, dealt with his rebellions and helped him focus his anger.  But if he’d had such patience for him, why not his own daughter?

Dick was forced off of his thought process by Bruce, bringing them back to the topic at hand.  “He knew we were going there somehow.  He just thought it was earlier than we had planned.”  Bruce sighed and ran his hands through his hair.  “He was wandering through the museum looking for us, or more specifically, her.”

Tim stared at the coffee table in front of him trying to work out how the Penguin could have known.  “Did you talk about it?  Somewhere that could have been bugged?”

Bruce shook his head.  “I didn’t really have time to.  It was all last minute.  But I don’t know about Marinette.”

“When did you plan it? Was it in your schedule?” Tim pressed.  “Because if there is a leak at WE with high enough permissions to have access to your calendar, that is a big problem.”  His eyes widened immediately.  “Not that a rogue going after Marinette isn’t!  It’s just another problem.”

Bruce raised an eyebrow at him but didn’t say anything about it.  “Dinner…” he sighed deeply in realization.   “The waitress. Right.  We’ll have to talk to her tomorrow.”

“You think she sold information?” Duke asked.

“Or she told someone who sold it, or someone overheard her gossiping, or…” Damian listed off in a condescending tone.  

“Are you going to warn Marinette?” Duke interrupted, his brow furrowing in concern.  They should have anticipated this.  They’d taken precautions for him after the official announcement of his new status, but they hadn’t moved to protect her yet.

Bruce nodded.  “I’ll talk to her about expectations of being my daughter.  So far, this is fairly expected.  I don’t want to send her into a panic, but she should know the dangers she’s going to have to face now.”  He sighed guiltily and pinched the bridge of his nose.  This was exactly what he had been trying to protect her from all those years ago.  And the idea that one of the rogues might have taken his child to get back at him, a baby who had no chance of protecting herself, still haunted him.

Cass frowned at him.  “Not safe,” she chastised.

“I’m not saying we don’t protect her too.  I think it would be a good idea to make sure we can keep an eye on her and be able to track her so we know if she’s been taken or involved in a rogue attack.  I’ll talk to her about safety precautions, so she isn’t announcing plans where others can hear her.  She’s planning on moving into the apartment with her friends soon, so that should help at night.”

“Good,” Dick agreed.  “From what Jason said about the other day and the concierge just letting it happen, the sooner we get her out of that hotel the better.”

“What do we know about her ability to defend herself?” Tim asked.

“According to her mother, none.  She’s never had training.  Never had to defend herself,” Bruce sighed.  That was exactly the upbringing he wanted for her, to never need to defend herself.  But now, that was biting them in the ass.  Because now, she might need to be able to defend herself and couldn’t.

Damian scoffed.  “She’s weak and defenseless, is what you mean.  We’re going to have to spend our time and our energy protecting her because she isn’t capable of it.”

“She’s innocent,” Bruce corrected.  “That was the entire point of sending her away, so she could be.  And that’s supposed to be our entire job, protecting the innocent.  She is no exception.”  They all froze when the door to the sitting room cracked open.

<><><><><> 

Marinette took a calming breath.  Driving up to the manor had been impressive, entering the manor had been even more so.  The entire place was dripping with history and prestige.  All the touches looked highest class, highest quality, all well thought out and coordinated over years of design, speaking of bespoke everything. It was about as far from what Marinette grew up in as there could be.  It was somber and distant.  Sterile even in its lavish details.

And yet, it wasn’t the imposing design that had her heart racing.  She could hear voices echoing through the empty halls.  She couldn’t make out anything being said, only the variations in baritones and tenor pitches to them.

“Relax, Pixie.  They’re going to love you.  You could tell them to fuck off,” he took a quick look around when he said it before relaxing back into his motivational speech.  “And you’d still come out as someone else’s favorite too.  There’s nobody in there you need to impress.”  He patted her on the back and squeezed her shoulder.  “Just maybe stay away from Damian.  He’s a spiteful little shit.  Better than he was when he came but… just to be safe…”

He took off his jacket and motioned to hers.  “Also,” he continued as he took her jacket, “don’t say the word ‘pineapple’.”

Marinette laughed and shoved him.  “Stop messing with me.  I’m nervous enough already.”  Jason looked at her suddenly very serious.  Marinette faltered for a second before scoffing.  “Shut up.”

“I’m telling you, just don’t say it.”

She rolled her eyes.  This had to be one of the most ridiculous conversations ever.  “Okay, first, I still don’t believe you. Second, why would I?”

Jason shook his head and backed away.  “I don’t know.  It always manages to come up though.”  He pointed at her as he backed out of the room.  “Fight the temptation.  I’m going to hang these up.  They’re in that room.”  He motioned vaguely toward a room down the hall, which considering how many rooms were down the hall wasn’t actually all that helpful.  “Go ahead, they’re expecting us.”

“You’re kind of an asshole, you know that,” she called after him.

“Only kind of?  You might like me more than the rest,” he called back with a laugh.

Marinette shook her head and started down the hallway. It couldn’t be that hard to find, right. There had to be signs.  “What do you think, Tikki?” she whispered almost too quiet for anyone to hear.

“Jason’s right,” she assured Marinette just as quietly. “They’ll love you.  Just be yourself.  It’s the next door on the left.”

Marinette grinned at her and noted the light under the door.  Definitely the right door.  “Thank you,” she whispered.  “Wish me luck.”  She took another breath and bolstered herself for the next few hours.  Hopefully it would go amazingly, but even if it didn’t, she could withstand a few hours of awkward, uncomfortable conversation and looks. She survived all the Graham de Vanily parties Adrien dragged her to, she could survive this.  She nodded to herself, silently cursed Jason for abandoning her, and pushed open the door.

The room immediately quieted as Marinette walked in. Everyone turned to her as a unit, tight anxious smiles on their lips.  Marinette froze and tried to smile politely at them, but she was pretty sure it looked more frightened than polite.  The people in the room continued to stare at her almost analytically.  The intensity of the stares was unnerving and unsettling. She almost backed out of the room until she felt someone step up next to her and sling their arm over her shoulder. She looked up hesitantly but breathed out a sigh of relief when she saw Jason next to her.

“Stop being weird.  You’re creeping her out,” Jason barked at them.

Jason’s order seemed to break them out of their trance. Everyone moved at once, jumping up to welcome her or moving rapidly towards her to shake her hand, except for the youngest who frowned and crossed his arms and a woman, who must be Cass, Marinette reasoned, who just waved from her spot next to Bruce.  Marinette tensed up but didn’t back away, instead bracing herself for the onslaught.  The noise became almost overwhelming as multiple people were speaking at once and Jason shouted back, pulling Marinette away from them.

“Enough!” Bruce yelled, instantly silencing everyone in the room.  He turned to Marinette with a warm smile.  “Sorry about that.  I was hoping for a more welcoming introduction, but with this family…” he motioned to the rest of the room with a defeated sigh.  

He crossed the room to her quickly but froze when he got to her, uncertain what form of physical welcome was allowed.  A handshake seemed too formal and distant, but a hug seemed too personal for only their second meeting in twenty years, well, technically fourth, but the first two didn’t exactly count.  On the other hand, last time they did la bise, so that was more appropriate, right?  He decided to leave it to Marinette, but she didn’t seem any more certain than he did, judging by her awkward wave and quick looks to his hand and cheek.

He smiled in response.  They’d figure it out eventually, hopefully.  For now, he just needed to make sure she felt welcome.  He opened his mouth to welcome her to the manor and start introductions but got cut off by a very excited Dick.

“Oh wow, I didn’t realize how much she looks like your mother until now.”  Dick moved right in front of Marinette examining every centimeter of her face intensely.  “Her eyes look just like hers.  They could be twins.  Do you have any pictures of her when she was a baby so we can compare?”

Marinette’s face went blank as she stared back at Dick. She quirked her head to the side trying to figure out how to respond to that, or if she was even supposed to, considering despite the fact that his face was only a handful of centimeters from hers, he wasn’t talking to her.  Her quandary was answered when Jason shoved Dick away harshly.  “She has a name, Dickweed,” Jason growled.  “And she’s right the fuck in front of you, have some respect.”

“Language Master Jason,” Alfred admonished coming into the room.  “But he is correct, Master Dick.”

“Right,” Dick said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.  “Sorry, Marinette.  That was rude.  Hi, I’m Dick.”  He held his hand out for Marinette.

Marinette shook it with a smile.  “It’s okay. I’ve always wondered where I got my blue eyes from.”  She chuckled a little nervously and shrugged.  “Mystery solved, I guess.”

Bruce laid a hand on her shoulder, drawing her attention back to him.  “I can show you pictures later, if you’d like to see, or whenever you’re ready.”  He pulled his hand away and shoved it into his pocket awkwardly. “Or, at some point I, or somebody else can give you a tour of the manor and I’m sure you’ll see lots of pictures of,” he paused only a fraction of a second, uncertain how she would take the term, “your grandparents.”

Marinette swallowed almost imperceptibly, but covered with a smile. “Yeah, that would be nice.”

The pause she took to respond would be missed by most people but a room full of people trained to detect tells like that didn’t miss it.  Duke jumped up with a big smile.  “Hi,” he shot out his hand to shake hers, “I’m Duke.  It’s nice to meet you.”

Marinette smiled back at him and shook his hand.  “Hi.  It’s nice to meet you.  Sorry for ruining your introduction gala.”

Duke scoffed.  “Are you kidding me?  I hate attention.  Thank you for taking the attention off of me.”  He suddenly cringed realizing what he was saying.  “I mean… That’s not what I meant.  Sorry it had to land solely on you.  Want me to do something stupid to get the attention back?”

Marinette laughed at his attempt to cover.  For once it wasn’t her saying the wrong thing with the best intention.  “No, please don’t and don’t worry,” she waved him off with a smile, “I knew what you meant.  Not your fault.  Honestly, not as bad as it could have been.  I’ve dealt with worse.”

“You have?” Jason asked, his face scrunching in concern.

Marinette shrugged at him and turned back to Duke.  “Glad I was at least able to help a bit.”

Duke grinned at her.  “You did. You’re already more helpful than most of them,” he motioned toward the rest of the family.  “Definite contender for new favorite sibling.”  Dick let out an exaggeratedly loud offended scoff while Cass shrugged and bobbed her head in agreement.  Tim furrowed his brow and exclaimed, “Hey!”  But the corner of his lips quirking up betrayed his act.

Jason glowered at Duke and stepped between them.  “Back off!  I already claimed her.”  He turned back to Marinette.  “Now what is this about you’ve dealt with worse?  Is there someone I need to have a talk with?”

“I’m sorry for being rude,” Bruce interrupted before the conversation went down a darker path than he was hoping for this meeting.  “Welcome to the manor, Marinette.  Thank you for coming.  You’ve already met Jason, Dick, and Duke.  That is Tim,” he motioned to the teen on the couch who waved politely but awkwardly.  His eyes only flicked to hers a few times and only for a fraction of a second before flicking away, a pained look shooting through them.  

“Next to him is Damian.”  He rolled his eyes and looked away, but didn’t attack like both Roy and Jason warned her he might, so she was taking it as a win.  “Cass is there,” he motioned toward Cass, who waved again, just as kindly as the first time.  “And this is Alfred.”

Alfred stepped forward and bowed slightly to Marinette.  “It’s a pleasure to see you again, Miss Marinette.”

Marinette narrowed her eyes at him as she scrutinized his face.  “You look familiar.”

Alfred’s eyes sparkled at her recognition.  He started to say something, but whatever it was got lost when Dick interrupted.  “Wait!” He jumped in Alfred’s face.  “Is this why you took all your vacations in Paris?” he exclaimed.  His eyes widening in realization.

“It is indeed, Master Dick,” Alfred nodded.

“That’s why you look familiar!” Marinette exclaimed.  “You were a repeat customer in the patisserie.”

“I am very happy to see you back in the manor, Miss Marinette,” Alfred gave her a curt nod as a smile played on the corners of his lips.

Marinette tensed at the reminder that she may have at some point have been in the manor.  It ripped open a Pandora’s Box of questions, each one more unsettling than the last. Had she been in the manor before? Had she interacted with her f… M. Wayne when she was a baby?  Did he hold her?  Did he kiss her head?  Did he hold her for a few minutes and hand her back like she did to Jamil’s baby, feeling no more connection than she had to Remi?  Did he cuddle her to his chest and hold her close only to hand her back and walk away?  Did he feel nothing when he held her?  Did his chest feel less tight when she was no longer near him?  Did he heave a sigh of relief when he handed her back?

No. She had to stop focusing on those questions.  That was the past.  Nothing would be gained from asking those questions tonight.  He wasn’t ready to give an answer and she wasn’t ready to receive it.  He’d apologized and she’d accepted.  She would just… let the questions plague her and slowly drive her into insanity.  That was the plan.  She quickly plastered on a smile and nodded back at Alfred.  “It is good to see you again, M. Pennyworth.”

“Please, call me Alfred,” he said, his amused smile turning sympathetic seeing the change in her demeanor.  “All the children do.”

Marinette smiled back, her smile more strained than before.  Was she one of the children?  She guessed technically she was.  “Only if you call me Marinette.”

“Of course, Miss Marinette,” Alfred nodded.

Marinette raised an eyebrow but nodded back.  She understood deeply ingrained British upper class formality.  She hadn’t survived parties with Felix and Adrien for nothing.  But if he wanted to embrace the detached formality, so would she.  “Thank you, M. Pennyworth.”

Alfred raised an eyebrow but said nothing.  “Maybe we could plan for a tour of the manor and a look through photo albums at a later time.  For now, dinner is ready.”

At Alfred’s pronouncement, everyone started moving out of the room. Marinette watched them all making their way toward what must be the dining room, but didn’t move herself.  It still felt awkward to walk around the manor… again, apparently.  She didn’t move until Jason threw his arm over her shoulder and gently prodded her forward.  She gave him a small smile and threw her arm around his waist.  

She looked past him to give Tim who had also hung back a bit, a small smile. He gave her a guilty smile back and a little wave.  Marinette gave him a quizzical look, trying to figure out what he had to feel guilty about. But it looked like he didn’t want to get too close with Jason at her side.  And as much as she wanted to ask what Tim was thinking about, she was beyond grateful that Jason had taken up post at her side.  She didn’t know if she would have been able to make it through this without him.  She squeezed his waist and looked up at him with a smile.  He looked down with a questioning look that quickly turned into a smile and he squeezed back.

Chapter 12

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[evebestt]

Hiya! Since I really adored what you did with my last request I was wondering if I could send through another prompt for a Farah dowling x female reader where Farah and Queen Luna have this sort of unspoken but very clear competition for readers heart and when Farah sees what she thinks to be queen Luna inching towards the finish line she gets envious/cold but really Farah had readers heart all along❤️

Thank you so much by the way. I really appreciate what you do. Sending peace and love and happiness your way xx.

Hi there! Sorry this took a bit, I rewrote it a couple of times. But I love the prompt! I hope you enjoy 🖤

Send me an ask or a message to request a fic. Search my blog for "prompts" to see lists of prompt ideas.

A/N: honestly unless explicitly stated, just assume that in all my fics, the season one ending that we don't talk about didn't happen. Farah's not even napping, she's still alive and awake and being her wonderful self.

To Find Your Truth

Since the Alfean battle with the Burned Ones, Solaria had indeed dispatched a troop of soldiers to be permanently stationed at the school. Between that and the continual growth of Alfea, it soon became clear that a new position would be needed to coordinate the Alfean and Royal schedules. You had been hired in that position, working as a liaison between Farah and Luna, meaning that you worked very closely with the both of them. You’d been a little overwhelmed by your work at first, working not just with the Headmistress of a powerful school and the Queen of the entire realm, but with two of the most powerful fairies – if not the two most powerful fairies in the realm – but Farah and Luna had both made you feel comfortable in your work.

The women were very different. Farah was quiet and calm, her power cool and still under her pristine surface – but undeniably there. Luna, however, was like a fire, sharp and calculating, her power exuding from her and filling every room she entered, even if it was superficially masked in sweet pastels and warm light. You liked them both, despite the differences, and whatever rumors you heard about them.

And they liked you too. Farah often offered you sweet smiles that she didn’t give to everyone, and your meetings with her would sometimes drift into personal conversation, especially if you had them over lunch together. Luna too made her affection for you known, soft touches on your arm that lingered just a moment longer than a friendly touch would, or heartfelt remarks on how she’d never be able to function without you, all of which never failed to make you blush.

You weren’t quite sure when it became a competition between the two of them. It might have happened the day when Luna astral projected into your office, interrupting a lunch meeting with Farah that had gone long with conversation. You’d both been laughing with Luna’s form had appeared, Farah’s eyes bright with affection as she gazed at you fondly, and although you’d both become entirely professional when Luna appeared, you knew she’d seen the way you looked at each other just as clearly as you’d seen the possessive gleam in her eye.

Though your meeting with Luna after that had gone smoothly, as well as all of your other meetings, you could sense that tension in both of the women, like they both had something to prove.

Or more likely, you realized, like they were both trying to win your heart.

Luna became even more bold with her gentle touches, even going so far as to lay a hand on your cheek one night, smiling softly before she retreated and wished you goodnight, offering you a room in the castle if you didn’t want to make the trip back to Alfea. Even Farah, as composed as she was, was more forward in her advances, eyes flicking to your lips when she paid you compliments, or when you rolled your neck to try and ease a headache, she would merely reach out and touch two fingers to your temple, the pain melting away in seconds.

You could admit that you liked the advances of both of them women, feeling as though you could preen under their attentions. Not only did you have Farah — a legendary fairy in her own right — showing you affection, but the Queen of Solaria as well, making you feel like the star of a period piece, your two handsome, wealthy suitors courting you in their attempts to win your hand. You were content with the flirting and the fantasies of both women, not thinking much about where relationships with either of them would go in fear of complicating things. But one afternoon in your office at Alfea, you realized you’d have to decide just where your heart lay.

Instead of her normal astral projecting, Luna had come to your office in person, needing to update her calendar for you and reconcile her schedule with Farah’s and find time for their combined meetings.

“My quarterly inspection of the troop’s preparations here at Alfea needs to happen in the next couple of weeks — hopefully those can drop to biannual next year — Farah will need to be present for that. It will take an afternoon, when can I make that happen?”

You flipped through the large planner on your desk, Farah’s meetings written in blue, Luna’s in red. “Both you and Ms. Dowling have a free afternoon in two weeks on a Friday — though you have an event that night, ma’am, that you’ll have to—”

“Please,” Luna interrupted with a smile, “how many times have I told you to call me Luna?”

You smiled back. “Too many to count… Luna.” It still felt odd to use the Queen’s given name, but her self satisfied smile as she sat back in her chair did make the odd feeling worth it.

“Good,” she praised. “Now, that’s the Benefactor’s Gala, correct? I’ll only need to make a short appearance and give a speech towards the end, so I’ll have plenty of time to dress. Though—” she came around your desk to study the planner herself, standing so close that you could smell her sweet perfume, “that lunch meeting may run long.” She dropped to her elbows on your desk, hips, clad in a dusky rose pencil skirt, cocked in a tantalizing fashion near your head, and you had to fix your eyes pointedly on your planner. “What about this Wednesday here?”

You went back and forth for a while, pencilling in various events. You couldn’t help but let out a sigh as you wrote the last one, feeling your back ache with the strain of both the work and of feigning nonchalance with Luna’s body so near to yours.

Luna seemed to feel the same, straightening to roll her shoulders, but then surprised you by perching on the arm of your chair, somehow looking effortlessly graceful as she crossed her legs, leaving her balanced on the toe of one of her stilettos. “A queen’s work is never done, hm?”

You laughed softly, not letting your eyes linger on the smooth expanse of her legs. “You wouldn’t be a very good Queen if it was.”

Luna laughed too, rich and smooth, and she looked down at you for a long moment before reaching out and tracing the line of your jaw with one finger. “Lucky I have you, then. To help keep me a good Queen.”

You felt yourself blush, jaw tingling where Luna had touched you. You felt your eyes drift to her lips unconsciously, tracing the smooth, sharp lines. Those lips curved into a smirk, and you blushed further, eyes snapping up to meet Luna’s again, who’s glinted with mirth. She traced the line of your jaw again, slower this time, her hand coming to cup your cheek as her eyes flicked over your features, staring as though she was memorizing you.

Lighting zipped in your stomach when you thought you saw Luna lean towards you, just an inch, but your breath caught, eyes flicking to her lips again as she stroked your cheekbone with her thumb.

A clearing of a throat came from the doorway making you spring back, back hitting the arm of your chair. You blushed even further, your cheeks on fire as you tried to get as far away from Luna as possible, who for her part kept her composure, still perched comfortably on the arm of your chair as she stared at Farah in challenge.

“Farah,” you said, trying to pretend Luna wasn’t there, which was difficult considering where she sat. “I’m sorry, I-I didn’t realize we had a meeting today.”

“We didn’t,” Farah said smoothly, still staring cooly at Luna. Her gaze shifted to you then, still cold, and you felt your stomach drop. “I thought I’d stop by to see if you were still here. But if you’re otherwise occupied…” she trailed off, looking at Luna again, and your blush which had started to recede came back in full force, feeling like a student she was disciplining.

“No worries, Farah,” Luna said brightly, looking smug as she stood from her perch. “I should be going anyway.” She turned to you then, giving you a radiant smile. “Thank you for all of your help, dear. You are truly a blessing.” She gave you a wink and then headed for the door, passing closer to Farah than was strictly necessary, and you thought Farah’s hackles would have raised if she had any.

A horribly awkward silence fell over the two of you, and you picked at the edge of your desk, unable to meet Farah’s eyes. She cleared her throat again and you then met her eyes, fighting what felt like the permanent blush in your cheeks.

“I’m sorry for interrupting,” Farah said softly.

“No, no, it wasn’t interrupting,” you insisted, still feeling like you’d done something wrong, but why? There wasn’t anything owed between you, but still you felt like you’d been caught. “Is there, ah, something I can help you with?”

Farah opened her mouth like she was going to speak, but then closed it, smiling at you. It was a warmer smile than before, but it still didn’t reach her eyes, and you felt your stomach drop again. “No, it was nothing. Have a good night.”

And she turned and left, leaving you alone and still blushing.

Why did you feel so horrible? It was a little embarrassing to be caught nearly kissing the Queen in your office with the door open, but the waves of shame and regret rolling through you seemed unwarranted. You and Luna were both adults, as was Farah, and each was entitled to their fun.

Deep down you knew why, and the longer you thought about it, the more sure you were. Flirting with Luna was fun, sure, but with Farah it was something more. With Farah, it was a beginning, the promise of something more, a calling from somewhere in your soul that told you there was something there, something that could be beautiful if you both just took a chance.

You were in love with Farah Dowling. You’d been a fool to not see it for so long, but now that you did it was undeniable, and you couldn’t bear not to tell her, for her to think a moment longer that you didn’t feel for her the way she must feel for you.

It was late now, and after finding her office empty you headed towards Farah’s cottage, not wanting to wait until the morning to find her. As you waited at her door, you thought about what you’d say, rehearsed several confessions, but when the door opened and Farah stood there, hair loosely braided and face bare of makeup, all words left your head.

“Can I come in?” you asked after a long moment, and Farah nodded, stepping aside.

You were both silent again, Farah obviously waiting for you to start as she moved around you into the living room.

“I, uh, wanted to apologize for… earlier,” you started hesitantly, unsure how receptive Farah would be.

“There’s nothing to apologize for. You and Luna are… close. You shouldn’t have to hide that.”

Her words were kind, but Farah held something back, something in her eyes that belied more hurt than she let on. Sorrow pulled at your chest, and you had to clench your fists to keep from going to her to comfort.

“No, that wouldn’t be something to hide, but I meant that… I just wanted to clarify— and what I wanted to apologize for—“ Hell with it, nothing sounded right but the truth. “I’m in love with you,” you blurted, and Farah’s head popped up, staring at you in surprise.

“I love you,” you continued, “and I need you to know that, because what I’m really trying to apologize for is that it took me nearly kissing Luna to realize it myself. I think my heart has always belonged to you, Farah, and I’m sorry that I played this game for so long when I could have been with you.”

You stopped, taking a deep breath and studying Farah. She looked at you cautiously but otherwise unreadable, and for a moment you thought you’d misread her attraction to you, utterly destroying whatever friendly relationship you had.

And then she smiled. Slowly, but it was a real one, and it lit up her eyes so that you couldn’t help but smile yourself.

“I—“ Farah started, and then trailed off, still smiling. And then, deciding better of words, she closed the gap between you in three steps, took you into her arms, and kissed you.

Luna’s touch had been thrilling, exciting, but Farah’s touch, oh, Farah’s touch felt like coming home. You leaned into her, gripping her waist to keep yourself upright as you melted into the kiss, feeling her warm and soft underneath you. Your head swam with dizzying happiness, feeling like a puzzle whose last piece had just clicked into place — full and complete and radiantly beautiful. You could nearly feel Farah pulsing with the same happiness as she kissed you, making a small noise against your mouth, to which you sighed and opened your mouth to her, tasting her sweet and tender on your tongue.

You stayed close when the kiss ended, Farah running her hands lightly up and down your back, sending pleasant shivers down your spine. “I can’t tell you how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

You smiled, feeling as though you might overflow with happiness, and bumped your nose with hers. “Me too. Even if it took me a while to realize how deeply I felt, I always knew I wanted to kiss you.”

Farah smiled again and then gripped your hips, pulling you closer to her. “I thought, when I saw you and Luna, that I’d waited too long to make the depth of my feelings known. I’m sorry for how brisk I was earlier.”

You shook your head, leaning your forehead against Farah’s. “Thank you. Though I can’t blame you. I don’t know how I would have reacted, in your position, though I know I wouldn’t have liked it.”

“It was certainly a shock,” Farah said, and then huffed out a laugh, pulling your hips closer to her. “I’d been coming to ask you to dinner tonight. Not just as colleagues, but as… friends. Maybe something more. Then seeing you together, I… jealous is too weak a word to describe what I felt.” She shook her head then like she tried to banish the thought, and squeezed your hips gently. “I’m glad you’re here.”

She said it simply enough, but the weight behind her words had you wrapping your arms around her neck. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be, and no one else I’d rather be with. I mean that.”

Farah let out a soft, contented sigh, and gently cupped your cheeks before kissing you again, filling you with light and love, speaking just as clearly with her kiss as though she’d spoken it in your mind.

I love you, too.

[thinger-strang]

okay im like seconds from passing out and this idea has plagued my mind all day SO

The North Pole AU

hopper is santa claus and joyce is mrs claus (like actually the jolly old elf not a mall santa, the real actual santa claus)

obviously dustin, lucas, will, mike, el, and max are elves (dustin and lucas are in toy engineering, will is in toy design, mike is in broken toy repair, el is in cookie making, and max is a toy tester)

steve is the head elf, jonathan is the chief mall santa coordinator, nancy is the government correspondent, robin is head of the decoration/gift wrapping department, and billy is the reindeer trainer

(yes i made those positions up im having fun also YES steve is the head elf bc i had a crush on bernard from santa clause as a youth and still do dont look at me)

anyways

jonathan loves seeing all the pictures from the mall santas and makes sure they get to the right house and he started in the mail department so he just finds happiness in the behind the scenes stuff that makes a kids christmas magical

nancys government correspondence is primarily focused on keeping the military off of santas trail christmas eve and keeping the north pole a complete secret

robin works in gift wrapping because its easy and she likes finding fun ways to wrap presents and absolutely does "tits now" on all the let it snow wrapping paper AND also does those crazy twenty different boxes wrapping for all her friends

billy kind of keeps to himself and finds peace in tending to the reindeer and hooking them up to the sleigh and getting them exercise, he'll also chop firewood to make sure the Pole is warm for everyone

steve honestly just keeps the ship running smoothly, makes sure everyone is on schedule, hes a pretty laid back guy but still knows how to get everything done on time and makes a mean cup of cocoa

(okay now that backgrounds are kinda tied up, plot ish)

steve works hard bc he loves his job, hop and joyce are like family as are the kids and the other teens, but sometimes he works a little too hard and gets overwhelmed

his quiet place is the loft in one of the barns, its warm and theres a window that he likes to sit in front of and watch the snow fall and has a bunch of hand knitted blankets stashed up there too (most made by claudia who is the head baker)

billy eventually finds this place when hes doing a routine walk through and can see its very clearly someones space and leaves it be but also keeps an eye on the place

obv billy and steve run into each other when billys making his nightly rounds and steve is climbing down the ladder

steves very embarassed bc he kinda just got over a panic attack and his hair is all sweaty and his face is flushed and his eyes are still watery and billy is very straightforward and asks

"is that your hideout up there?"

steve nods and is about to apologize before billy stops him and tells him its okay

they end up going on a walk through the snow just talking about how they ended up where they are and what they left behind, about their favorite traditions, favorite christmas treats, just anything and everything

steve ends up paying attention to billy a bit more after that night, sees him talking to the reindeer, wrestle with some of the lumberjack elves after they drop off wood for the toy making, sees him sneak into the kitchens and sneak some fudge, and just kinda slowly falls in love with him

robin teases steve endlessly, bc he "evaluates" her department the most just to chit chat and gossip (normally about the chick in the holly jolly band robin has a crush on but oh how the turn tables)

(nancy and jonathan are kinda in the loop as in they talk sometimes but its awkward and polite so steve really doesnt take too much stock into their opinions)

it all comes to a head christmas eve, when the whole workshop, all departments, have their big pre flight meeting to make sure everythings in order and to have a little celebration, when billy and steve get stuck under the mistletoe

robin shouts that they have to kiss its the law, with her arm slung over the holly jolly band chick

the kids start chanting which gets everyone else chanting so naturally they kiss

its soft and sweet and too fast but worth it for how red billy is

but billys gotta get the reindeer hooked up and steves gotta do the final check with hop so they have to part and go do their things

(but dont worry, they find each other after lift off for another long walk through the snow with a thermos full of steves famous hot chocolate and end up at a nice little fire outside of billys place for some more of those soft sweet kisses)

[mcfreakin-bxtch]

Sleep and Other Things

Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Warnings: SMUT, Grinding, Fingering (with them metal fingers babbbby), Oral (f), Mentions of Masturbation (f), Sergeant Kink, Praise Kink, Cockwarming, Light spanking, Sub/Dom, Hair pulling, Pining, Sexual tension/frustration, Language, Classic Tropes (I will not apologize), Fluff

Word Count: 11K+ (I really went on on this one I’m sorry)

A/N: It’s been TOO long since I’ve written for my bby I apologize

-

This sucks.

Royally, royally, royally sucks. 

And if you could choose from any supernatural powers at all known to man, you’d choose the power of sleep. 

Because for the past few nights, it just hasn’t struck you. You’ve tried everything you can think of: punching and kicking away at the bag in front of you in the training room until your knuckles started to bruise, drinking a nice, hot cup of tea, hell even meditation. None of it seemed to work in your favor, and you wanted to punch the force that was holding you back from a full night's rest. 

Please God, or you know, whatever is out there listening. All’s I’m asking a normal fucking sleep schedule, is that too much to ask?

The blaring flashes sting your eyes with every white, vicious transition of another rerun on TV. It’s the only light in the otherwise dark room, and it’s dimmed with the volume low so that every stupid little background laughter is dull instead of blaring. And judging by the big red 3:30 on your alarm clock, you’ve been awake for approximately ten hours with no hope of a fulfilled slumber. You believe this is your third night in a row. 

You sigh for what seems the hundredth time, flopping onto your right side and shoving your pillow under your arm. The soft fabric and the fresh smell of your favorite laundry detergent is doing nothing to soothe your mind and your body alike, but maybe keeping up the facade that it does will lull your eyes to remain shut and your brain silent; in the back of your mind, annoyingly, you already know that it will not work. 

“Fuck it.” You mutter to yourself and throw your covers off. The floor is slightly chilly against your bare feet, but not too terribly cold, and the compound is stable and quiet; more alone time for you, more time to watch the clock slowly tick by as yet another night—day you should say given the time—drags by thorough dark circles and irritable mood swings. 

The door is silent as you creek it open, though it doesn’t make one sound and you’re grateful for that. No use dragging everyone down with you. 

You’re not exactly sure on what you’re looking for, but it feels right to be where the food is. It’s a start, at least. The good news, too, about going to the kitchen is that it’s not that far from your room, a blessing to you now. 

The hallway is dark, too dark for you weak eyes you realize as you stub your toe on a corner of a wall. “OW—oH fuckfuck what the fuckity fu—”

“Shoulda paid attention, doll.”

You whirl around mid-tantrum, hopping on the uninjured foot rather ungracefully towards the raspy voice you recognize in a heartbeat. 

The root to your problem is sitting there—short, chopped dark hair, eyes that are sometimes grey and others times blue, like a storm and a ocean living and correlating together to create a beautiful color that you often dream of, and built, toned body hiding behind a black tank top and you’re going to assume matching sweatpants—with a coffee mug in his hands, sitting by the kitchen island and stifling a shit-eating grin as you wallow. 

Normally, you’d be very happy to see Bucky. Over the year that you’ve been on the team, Bucky has been nothing but kind to you, even after a rocky start to the friendship. As quiet and closed off as he is, you had managed to weasel your way into his circle; you leave him alone whenever you sense he needs it, not wanting to overwhelm him. Watch TV with him on the couch when it’s just the two of you; sometimes you’d barely say a word to each other at all, happy with the comfortable silence. He jokes around with you if you manage to burn another pancake or whatever concaussion you could scramble up or he’ll invite you to have drinks with him and the others—others being Steve and, despite the pranks and banters, Sam, and so, so much more. It’s as easy as breathing, just being with him, and the comfort and stability that you find in him never fails to put you at ease. 

But it’s like somewhere down the road something shifted. You don’t know when or how it happened, but when it did it hit you like a freight train. There’s a pull towards him when you catch yourself paying extra attention to the way his body moves, alerting yours with a sudden new and ferocious need; the daydreams that come from it are even better. The soft, barely there brushes as you pass by or the barely fingertip touch when you’re standing next to each other. The longing stares that makes you wonder if there ever could be more. There’s no denying that you can’t stop looking at him differently now, as more than just the friend you cherish deeply, but as someone who could become more than just. 

Sometimes, you even dream of his hand between your legs. 

What makes this even worse is that you’ll occasionally catch Bucky doing the same thing to you; he may be faster than you in oh so many ways thanks to his enhancements, but there are moments where you catch him looking quickly away and towards whatever was in front or next to him, eyes glaring like he’s—he’s scolding himself.   

“Sexual tension.” Wanda told you when you first explained your worries to her. “That’s what’s happening.”

You shook your head, laughing it off. “Nooo it can’t be Wanda. We’re just—”

“Friends?” She smirked. 

“Yes.” You defended. “Just friends. I mean maybe—maybe we’re just going through a phase, and everything will soon go back to normal.”

Wanda rolled her eyes with a smirk. “We’ll see.”    

Deep down, you knew that she was right. And that terrified you. Still does, actually. Why would you want to ruin such a good thing over what may be just a stupid, silly crush?

Now, exhausted, frustrated, and hopping around like a moron in the dark, the smug look on his face heavily annoys you more than ever. 

“Thanks.” You snarl. 

He puts his hands up in mock surrender, easily taking in your disdained mood. “Sorry.”

You finally let your foot drop back to the ground, your toe still stinging. Bucky continues to watch you as you limp towards the cabinets and reach for your favorite mug, setting it too harshly down on the marble counter before opening the fridge. 

“Try drinking tea,” he says. “It’ll be better than…Dr. Pepper.”

You shrug as you uncap the bottle and pour the sweet soda into your mug. “I’ve already tried that.” You mutter. “Nothing’s been working.”

You hear Bucky shift in his chair, hear the clicks of his metal arm as he stretches it out; he rarely does it when there’s too many people around, letting himself be free with the metal prosthetic. You feel special knowing that he’s comfortable enough to be free in your presence. 

“How long has this been going on?” He asks quietly. 

You lean your back against the counter and bring the cup to your lips. “Almost a full week now.”

You see him nod from your peripheral vision, straightening his back and taking a sip from his own up you didn’t realize he had until now; it smells like green tea, with a hint of something sweeter. Honey, most likely. 

You expect him to ask you more questions but he stays silent as you both take small sips of your drinks. Your eyes are heavy and your body is on the verge of completely slumping against the small space behind you, but you’re still too wired to sleep—okay, Bucky was right on the soda, but you’re not going to admit that to him. 

“Why are you awake?” You ask him. 

He just shrugs. “Same reason as you.”

That gets you to snort. Yeah right, buddy. 

“Tried sparring?” Bucky suddenly breaks the silence, causing you to jump from the intrusion. 

“Sorta.” You iffley say. “Still didn’t help me much…I really don’t know what my problem is.” Liar.

He hums softly. “Well,” he puffs as he sits up from the stool. “Let’s go then.”

You raise your eyebrows. “Really?”

For such a heavy man, it still surprises you when he walks silently towards you, so quietly that if you weren’t looking you’d had no idea if he was moving at all. The familiar smell of his soap overwhelms your senses as he leans in, his left arm stretched to put his cup in the sink. You can’t help but inhale the alluring musk, which causes a shiver to run through your body. 

“Sexual tension.” Wanda’s voice rings through your head. 

God he really does smell good and he’s warm...stop it! 

“So?” He scares you again out of your thoughts, and when you look up he’s close. He’s really close—well, closer than you anticipated for only putting away a dish. He’s looking down at you with an expression you can’t quite decipher, but that smirk of his returns and your heart flutters at the close proximity of it. 

You set your now empty mug in the sink next to his with a sigh and nod your head. “Take it easy on me. I’m not exactly coordinated right now.” 

Bucky only chuckles, hearty and gruff, at your warning. “Whatever you say.”

You really like the way he says it. It sounds stupid, but you do. 

He leads the way to the training room, turning every now and then to make sure you’re still following—and that you don’t stub your toe again. 

“Turning the lights on.” Bucky warns you just seconds before the lights blare your vision, making you wince and blink against the onslaught. 

When you can finally make out the shapes moving around, Bucky is already standing in the middle of the mat, watching you with his signature smirk. You can’t help but give him a small closed lip smile of your own as you make your way towards him. 

“I’m totally gonna kick your ass.” You tease with a slight slur.

He grunts, face squished as he rolls his eyes playfully. “Yeah yeah, hurry up.”

“Don’t act like you don’t want to be here, Barnes.” You chide as you start to wrap your knuckles. “You’re the one who suggested this.”

“Doesn’t mean you gotta be a turtle about it.” 

You give him the best glare you can muster as he struggles to hold in his laughter. Your grimace deepens when they finally escape, and his face is really fucking adorable when he laughs like this; without a care in the world. That makes you stare at him longer than necessary as he recovers. 

“Okay I’m sorry!” He gasps, putting his hand up. “I’ll stop, I swear it.”

The scowl doesn’t disappear even as you start to adjust the strings on your sweatpants; tightening them. You know you look like a child right now with the way you’re stomping dramatically heavily towards the ex-assassin, but you’re too tired and slightly agitated to care. 

“Alright,” he huffs. “Just come right at me and don’t hold back. Think you can handle that, doll?”

You smirk despite yourself and prepare a simple stance; attack. “Sure, ice bucket.”

Bucky doesn’t flinch from the playful tease. What he does is pat his chest with a closed knuckle and says, “I’m waiting.”

You watch him, take in his posture and immediately go for the legs. You’re a good agent, not the best, definitely in need of improvement, but you’re good. What you’re sort of forgetting here, a habit with him it seems, is that he is. in fact, a super soldier. 

The air leaves your lungs with an oof as you land flat on your back. His hand, warm flesh that feels like is scorching your skin through your shirt, holds you down by your upper chest. You blink dumbly up at him as you struggle to catch your breath, your body jolted from its heavy, sleepless form. 

“C’mon,” he says your name disappointingly. “You know better than that.”

You roll your eyes and grunt, swatting his hand away and standing yourself up. “I don’t see the point of this.” You complain. “If anything, I feel more awake than tired.”

“Oh you know what the point is.” Bucky scoffs. “Stop complaining and fight me.”

“Fine!” You growl. 

The next charge at him, you honestly thought that you’d get the upper hand. Where he goes to block, you quickly change course and go for a punch. It all happens in a blink of an eye, and suddenly his metal arm is wrapped loosely around your neck in a lock, the other locking your wrists in his wide grip.  

“You’re not even trying.” He breathes in your ear. 

“I am.” You say through gritted teeth. 

He finally lets you go with a small chuckle. It makes you angry. “If you’re just going to keep laughing at me then I’m—”

Bucky lunges at you. Your body reacts on instinct and ducks away from his attack, bouncing on your feet to the other side. The muscles in his back strain as he runs his fingers through his hair, flashing you a grin as he turns around. 

“There ya ‘re.” His brooklyn accent runs thick through his praise. 

That praise—and it’s not like you’ve never heard it from him before, always in playful banter—raises goosebumps and there’s no way he doesn’t notice it. You fight the rush of blood flooding to your cheeks. 

“Here,” you try, bouncing around him and playfully trying to grab him, distracting yourself from your own confusing thoughts. “Just stand still and let me punch and kick at you until I pass out.”

He laughs with you and dodges your weak attempts with liquid ease. “Oh I’m sure you’d love that.”

“I would, actually.” 

“You’re jus’ bein’ a sore loser.”

“So what—” You grunt as he slides to his right and pushes your hit lightly away from him. “—if I am.”

You do this for some time, aimlessly throwing weak kicks at his shins as he teases you—you’re really fucking jealous at how he seemingly floats with each bounce to his dodges. You finally manage to knip him around the ankle, causing him to wince and curse. 

“Ha!” You cheer. “I bet that hur—”  

Bucky takes your short moment of victory to sweep around you and kick your legs out from under you. You land ungracefully yet again on the hard mat, but this time you quickly recover and loop your legs around the arm closest to you and pull him down with all your strength. He flips hard on his back, gasping as soon as he makes contact and now you’re the one laughing at him as you have the upper hand. 

“Well Barnes,” you tsk. “Looks like you’re losing your touch.”

“Don’t get cocky.” He warns as his hand flexes still in your grip. “Or else this happens.”

You blink and feel a harsh tug at the back of your neck. Everything is a blur as you feel yourself being lifted and flipped into the air, like you weigh nothing at all. Your eyes automatically shut and your body awaits for the hard impact. 

It doesn’t come. 

Bucky softens your fall by quickly rolling his body into yours and wrapping his arms around you, practically caging you in. Your hands reach for the first solid thing they can find, which happens to be soft skin and hard muscle. His legs cage yours between his, his hair lightly curled and there’s a strangled noise coming from somewhere and holy fuck he’s—

“You alright?” He asks, panting. 

Your breaths mix together as you stare into each other’s eyes. You hear what he says, the words playing through your ears but your brain doesn’t register the nerves to actually respond to him. It feels like you’ve never been this close to him before, not like this anyway. It feels… suffocating. In such a good, intoxicating way that you don’t want him to move. 

And then you realize that the reason why he must be asking that question is because he thinks you’re hurt; that strangled cry was from you. 

He shifts, just slightly to adjust, that gets his arms to tighten around you for a split second. Your jaw clenches as you struggle to hide the hitch in your breath and the pool of arousal flooding between your legs. 

“Y-yeah.” You finally answer, swallowing thickly. His adam’s apple bobs as he does the same, and that gets your body tingling with a familiar sensation that has your eyes widening. “I think I’m tired now.”

The second those words escape your lips you want to take them back. His eyes fall as he shakes his head and chuckles, looking shyly down as he sighs. He unwraps himself from you and holds his hand out for you to take. It takes you a moment, still reeling from—well from whatever the hell that was. 

Now it feels awkward. You both can’t keep your eyes on each other, looking anywhere’s else like it’s fucking interesting. You gotta stop this. 

“Than—”

“Can I—”

You both say at the same time. Bucky’s soft, harmonic—in your very humble opinion—chuckle joins yours and you shake your head to clear away the fuzziness clouding your brain. 

“Sorry, uh what were you going to say?”

Bucky hesitates, and there’s something in his eyes that tells you that he’s nervous. It worries you, and instinct takes over to walk to him and comfort him. 

“No it’s—,” he inhales sharply. “It’s okay. We can talk about it tomorrow, when you’re more…awake.”

“I’m plenty coherent, Bucky.” You scoff. “Just tell me. I’m your friend.”

He smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes; it goes without the same brightness that usually greets you and that makes your stomach drop and your heart clench with an uncomfortable grip. 

“I know.” He says softly. Then his eyebrow raises in a mischievous arch. “Need me to walk you to your room?”

This time it’s you who hesitates. On any other circumstance, you would’ve immediately said yes and that would be that; no awkwardness, no tension or—or whatever the fuck is going on between the two of you.  

“Um… yeah. Yeah s-sure.”

You curse yourself mentally and berate yourself to keep it together. The walk back is quicker than the walk to the training room, and a part of you is entirely grateful for it. Bucky stays close as he paddles softly through the hall until your door is in sight, and you’re standing with one hand on the handle while chewing on your bottom lip. Now what?

“Goodnight,” he says your name softly, so softly you can barely hear him. 

“Goodnight Buck.” You whisper back. 

He gives you one last smile and walks away, and as simple and normal as this is, it feels wrong. Like he shouldn’t be walking away, because there’s something obviously going on between the two of you and you have no idea how—well, you know one way—to fix it because you’re a goddamn coward and that smile isn’t the same smile he gives you.

You lean against your bedroom door as it shuts. Your eyes sting with unshed tears and the aching pressure between your legs is long gone, but the evidence of it sticks to your panties. Ignoring it, you hop onto your bed and fling yourself against your lush pillows, and the rest of the morning is spent with you staring at the tv screen overthinking every interaction you ever had with the man responsible for your turmoil, and fall asleep with frustration seeping through your veins.

When you come to, early afternoon you think, the ache in your pussy is too much to ignore and you cum with Bucky’s name a sigh from your ecstasy. It’s the first time you do. 

–

“You look…better.”

“Thank you.”

“So what was the trick?”

I masturbated thinking about my best friend. “Training. With Bucky.”

That gets her eyebrows rising up as she ahhh’s at you. “How are things between the two of you?”

“Good.” You feign. “Really good, actually.”

“Mhmmm.”

“I’m serious.”

“Just fuck already.”

“Wanda—”

“Seriously, I’m getting pretty sick of watching you mope around like this. You’ve got to talk to him.”

You sigh through your nose, throwing your head back against the couch cushion. “I know.” You groan. “It’s just—I don’t know how, you know? I mean, what if this ruins our entire friendship? I can’t…I can’t live with that.”

Wanda purses her lips and rubs your shoulder comfortably. “I know,” she coos. “But don’t think you’ll feel better getting it off your chest? How do you know that he doesn’t feel the same way?”

A pause. “No.” Yes. Another pause. “And no.” One more.  “How did this happen?” 

She understands what you mean when you say it in a whine. She opens her mouth and is about to reply when—

“Did what happen?”

You freeze, eyes going wide as Wanda stares back in equal horror; you also detect the glint in her green eyes that spells nothing but trouble for you. 

“She just agreed to have a movie night with Vis and I. My pick, which she’s still sulking about.” She throws in, so casually that you’re kind of surprised and impressed. “We were just talking about asking you to join us.”

You should’ve seen this coming. Really, you should have. It pisses you off. 

‘Calm down.’ Her voice whispers in your head, a skill she’s been working on. ‘I’m sorry, but this is for your own good.’

“Yeah?” Bucky says, all rich honey. “When?”

You roll your lips and force a smirk as you turn towards him. “Tonight, around nine.” If she was going to force you into this and pick the movie, you wanted to at least have some control over this situation. 

His eyes meet yours and the crinkles around them washes away the annoyance that was starting to build. He nods while shoving his hands into his jeans pockets and grins towards Wanda. 

“Alright. Pick a good movie, would ya?”

Wanda laughs. “I will!”

Your fingers twinkle in a wave as Bucky awkwardly waves back. Once you’re sure he’s gone and out of earshot, you nudge Wanda’s leg with your foot. “What the hell was that?” You hiss. 

“Oh hush,” she clicks her tongue. “I just gave you an opportunity, and who knows maybe something good will happen, and you’ll be thanking me after you fuc—”

“Alright alright I get it!” You stop her, a part of you still scared that anyone will just waltz in and hear. “I’ll stop complaining under one condition.”

“Okay.” She says suspiciously with narrowed eyes. 

“I get to pick the movie.”

—

Your legs hurt. 

Curled up crookedly under your blanket, back at an awkward angle as you stare at the moving faces and listen to the screams as they run through the forest. 

The Blair Witch Project has always been one of your favorites, and you figure there’s no sex, no nudity, nothing that could put you in a weird position with the man you can’t stop thinking about sitting right next to you on the plushy loveseat. Yeah, why not?

But of course, Wanda had to be Wanda, and insisted that the two of you lounge on the small couch while her and Vision take over the other, bigger one. As if they needed the space. 

Bucky, although, doesn’t seem to sense your discomfort, and if he does he’s kept quiet about it. He seems just as stiff as you are, but more relaxed and attentive. 

It’s been almost an hour of this. 

There’s a little giggle from the couple to your left, and when you look over you see Wanda putting her finger to her lips, shushing Vision as she holds in more of her laughter. 

Glad she’s having fun. 

Stop it. You’re doing this to yourself. 

You let out a soft sigh and shuffle to your right, closer to Buck as you gingerly uncurl your legs and sit them criss cross. Much better. You can pay attention to the movie better now that you’re more comfortable, so lost in the panic on the screen that you don’t hear him move but rather feel the brush of his thigh against your knee. 

Once you realize it you decide to ignore the onslaught of the electric shock rushing through your core—it’s embarrassing that a touch of his leg of all things gets you going. 

Bang!

You gasp and jump, gripping onto the first thing your flying hands find. It happens to be Bucky, naturally. 

“Sorry!” Wanda whispers yells. 

You roll your eyes with a loud, annoyed sigh and settle back into the loveseat. Your hands still grip onto his bicep, and it’s his subtle clear of the throat that brings your attention to it.

“Sorry.” You flinch and let go of him. 

“It’s okay.” He sounds off, a little dejected. 

You’re about to over analyze it—because that’s what you do best—when Bucky scooches closer to you and hands his arm up to rest on the back of the couch, the tips of his fingers barely reaching your shoulder. Willing yourself to relax and focus, you don’t notice the side glances he’s throwing you or the hushed whispers of your friend, who is no longer paying attention to the movie at all, but rather at you and Bucky. 

“We’re gonna turn in.” Wanda announces. 

Your mouth opens in a small o as you stare at her in disbelief. “Are you sure?” It’s hard to hide the plea. “It’s almost at the end!”

Vision gives you an apologetic shrug and mouths ‘sorry’ as Wanda drags him away by his hand. “Yeah, we’re sure. Don’t have too much fun without me!” Her accent thrums with pure tease and you can only blubber like an idiot while watching them disappear to their room. 

“Well,” Bucky sighs and shifts lower until he’s more comfortable. “Just us.”

“Hm.”

You don’t mean to sound so annoyed. You can tell it hurts his feelings because his arm moves back to his side, effectively putting more space between you. Your heart clenches at the fact that you’re the one doing this, no one else, and seeing him now, eyebrows furrowed and teeth gnawing at his bottom lip as his leg starts to bounce anxiously, makes you feel even worse. 

“I think I’m going to bed, too.” Bucky says. 

He stands up before you can say something, though you’re not exactly sure what you want to say to him; there’s so much and your brain is in too much of a scramble of self wallowing and fear that it’s hard to put them coherently together. 

“Goodnight.” He doesn’t say your name, or give you your smile. An awkward wave and heavy steps is all you get, and when they become more faint do you curse yourself and fight the stupid tears clogging your throat as you sit there in the dark. 

–

It’s been a week since that night. 

Wanda, much to your relief, has left you alone about Bucky, but you know with every look when he enters the room that she’s still thinking about it; still scolding you for not taking the leap of faith into what could lead to so much more.  To be honest, you don’t blame her; you’d be doing the same if you knew she’d be happy. 

This time it’s so bad that the rest of the team starts to notice yours and Bucky’s sudden thrift. Steve, bless him, has been the most frequent next to Wanda. 

“You know you can tell me anything Buck,” Steve’s voice rang through the empty room. 

This was the night after the movie incident. Restless once again, you decided to punch out your feelings and frustrations at two in the morning with the hope that you would be alone. You almost walked in on them, not paying attention, when you heard him. 

“I know.” Bucky said. “But I’m telling you, it’s not going to happen. There’s nothing there.”

Your heart leapt in your chest and your stomach dropped. Somehow, you knew they were talking about you. 

“What do you mean?” Steve asked; you imagine he did so while crossing his arms.

A bang, followed by a grunt. “Nothing. Just as I said it.”

A stab deep in your heart with a jagged edge made your knees nearly buckle. 

“Buck—“

“Listen punk,” Bucky interrupted. “I know you’re just looking out for me and I appreciate it, but I don’t want to…I want—“

“I’m sorry to interrupt,” FRIDAY interjects robotically. “But I’m afraid Rogers has a call waiting for him and it’s very urgent.”

You heard Steve sigh and something moved or fell, but you hurried away before you could get caught. 

Ever since, you can’t get those words out of your head. They play over and over like a broken record, chasing you to insanity. 

Why oh why did FRIDAY have to say something?

It was like a sign from the universe itself. Whether it was good or bad, you weren’t quite sure yet.

Tonight is a particularly warm night, which you’re not complaining about, especially with Stark’s AC. It looks to be another night of staring blankly into space until you get tired of that; covers thrown haphazardly across the room, cool air breezing against your bare skin, a new set of dark bags under your eyes brewing. A typical night for you. 

This time you debate on whether you should move. It’s getting old, just sitting here but you’re too afraid of running into—well into anyone at this point. You just don’t think you have the energy for it. 

So you decide on sitting by your window and watching the cars drive by, lights flashing through the busy city. Count the stars that barely shine through in the dark sky, too many city lights blocking out the natural brightness. Finally, after several long and agonizing minutes, you throw on a pair of shorts and quietly open the door, peering at the hallways to the best of your ability without any light with ears straining to detect any type of sound no matter big or small, and once you’re satisfied that you’re alone you close the door and blink. 

Where to this time?

You could try the training room again, but the last time makes you hold out on that. The living room maybe? Kitchen? Game room? 

Suddenly it hits you, and you want to wack yourself on the head for not thinking of this sooner. Quickly tiptoeing back to your room, you grab the fluffiest blanket you own and wrap it around yourself. 

You usually prefer taking the elevator up, too lazy for the stairs, but it’s too late for that so, stairs it is. Thankfully, it’s not that many flights and when the first breeze of fresh, cool air hits your skin you immediately sigh and inhale deeply. The night is filled with miscellaneous noises of the common city, but after being here for so long you’re more than used to it. You can see the moon now, hiding behind slivers of a dark cloud, and to your right a gruff, 

“What’re you doing up here?”

It’s not unwelcoming, just a question out of curiosity. You turn to him, shocked to find him up here. 

“Uh.” You drawl, mouth hanging open as you think of something to say. “Well—well I…” Why is this so hard?

“Why are you up here?” You ask instead, wrapping the blanket tighter around you. 

Bucky shifts in the lawn chair—a cheap brand that creaks a little under his weight—and offers you a timid smile. “Don’t you remember?”

You shuffle through your memories, trying to understand the meaning behind his question. He’s patient with you, even shuffling deeper into his stance as you stare quizzically at him. What the fuc––oh. Oh you know what he’s talking about now. 

“Oh Jesus Bucky I’m––” you run a palm over your face in shame. “I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to say sorry for,” he assures you. 

But you do. You do because he’s your friend, one of your best friends even, and with all of this going on, he deserves to have a good friend. 

So it makes you feel terrible that you forgot the quite frankly huge significance of this roof, and even more specifically the very spot he’s sitting in right now; this is where he goes when he has nightmares. When he wants to be alone. This is where your friendship started. 

You had snuck up to the roof in the middle of one of Tony’s parties, clad in a simple short blue dress and an armful of drinks and snacks for yourself. 

It wasn’t that you weren’t having fun, you were never one to turn down a good party. But that night you had just wanted a little alone time, and the roof was one of your sanctums of escape from the world and its responsibilities. 

Balancing everything awkwardly and praying that you wouldn’t have to bend down and pick any of them up, you finally twisted and pushed the door unceremoniously. 

It should’ve banged against something with the amount of force you excurted—out of pure annoyance—but instead it was stopped by flashy, shiny fingers, curled against the rim of the door with quiet clicks. 

“Fuck!” You gasped. “I’m sorry, didn’t know anyone was up here.”

Bucky stared down at you wearily, eyes full of surprise and wonder as he eyed you up and down, particularly taking in the overflowing variousity of items in your arms.     

“Yeah,” he grunted. “Just needed…to get away for a moment.”

At this point you already knew how Bucky was with large crowds; you didn’t blame him for coming here, especially on warm summer nights such as this. 

“Yeah,” you repeated. “Me too.” You looked down at your feet, shifting your weight. “Do you… would you like to join me?”

He froze. The blood to your cheeks was prominent, you could feel that from the heat of it. You shifted again, lifting a foot to help shove a box back into your arms.

“Okay.”

You smiled then, bright and toothy. “Here,” Bucky said, reaching for the snacks. “Let me get that.”

That night was filled with nothing but small talk and laughter, and it was one of the best nights of your life in a long, long time. From then on, you and Bucky grew closer and closer until you started to dream about riding his cock until he screamed your name and you started to push him away. 

“Buck.” You sigh, shaking the perverted thoughts away. 

“Just come here,” he says, reaching his hand out. “I want you to see something.”

You hesitate, but only for a split second before you find yourself walking towards him. His eyes, grey tonight, bare deep into yours like he’s trying to see into your soul; to figure you out, more likely.

Once you’re within hand’s reach he gently tugs at your blanket and your heart skips a beat at the sheer…domestically of such a minuscule motion. He tugs again, gesturing with a tilt of his head to the armrest. 

“That chair is gonna break as soon as I sit on it.” You argue. 

“It’s not,” he defends gently. 

He still senses your hesitance and clicks his tongue disapprovingly. “Can I—?” He scrunches his eyebrows and carefully wraps his arm around your waist, guiding you to the left side of him. You let him guide your body until you’re half seated on his lap, legs practically curled over his thighs while his arm stays wrapped around you. 

The heat from his body is searing, even through the extra layers of fluff you have on you. His breath ghosts over your cheek, casting a whiff of something sweet and minty on his breath. The hard, metal muscles dig into your back, although not uncomfortably, but enough for you to have to fight the urge to rub your thighs together at the thought of his arm tightening around you as he pounds into you—

“Look up.” He suddenly whispers in your ear, husky and deep. It causes a delectable shiver to run down your body and your pussy clenches around nothingness. 

Keep it together. 

Bucky must mistake it as you being cold because he pulls you tighter against him, which for you only makes it harder to control your thoughts. Your heart pounds and your ankles cross to try and relieve the increasing pressure growing in your pussy; thank goodness you brought your blanket out here. 

You finally muster your eyes to follow his pointed finger and squint. “What am I looking at?”

He shifts a little more to the left. Closer to you. “There.”

You try to ignore the way his words literally hit your lips. A brush of his breath that feels like an imprint on your pink flesh and gets your mouth watering; you start to wonder what he tastes like. 

“That?” You stick your hand out to the pointed stars. 

“You know what that is?”

Your eyebrows furrow as you think. You’re not an expert in astronomy by no means, but you took a few classes back in the day, and somehow this piece of information resonates high and mighty in your memories. 

“No.” You say before you can stop yourself. 

He smiles again, that toothy smile that you love. “Cygnus. The swan, I believe. Mostly comes out during summer months and it forms this triangle,” he traces the stars. “See?”

And that is why you said no. The way he describes it, giddy and excited because he learned something new and he’s telling you…you hate yourself even more for the way you’ve been trying to avoid him. 

“It’s beautiful.” You murmur. 

Bucky hums in agreement. Your eyes scan for any more constellations, but you can feel him staring at you. You want to look down, your neck is even starting to strain from it, but you just… 

He says your name. It comes out a whisper, and he sounds… scared. You slowly, very slowly, look down and find a swirl of gray and blue. Facing him like this makes you realize you’re closer to him than you thought; tilt your head a little down and you’d be kissing him. 

As if he read your mind, he licks his lips and, unconscious or not, you start to lean forward. 

This is it.

Bucky’s leaning up and holy shit you’re about to—

“Hey, lovebirds!”

The both of you jump and turn towards the intrusion, you with shock and Bucky, a murderous glare. Both his arms are around you, as if to shield you from the outsider. 

“Emergency meeting.” Tony smirks. “I don’t like it either but,” he shrugs. “Duty calls. Let’s go.”

Bucky’s jaw clenches out of your peripheral vision, and you find yourself filled with the same agitation because fuck you were so fucking close. 

“We should go.” You tell him, like it’s not obvious that the moment is already ruined. 

“Yeah.” Bucky grits out.

You miss the safety of his arms as soon as you leave them. 

–

This time you find him on purpose. 

You start by going to his room. It’s late, but not too late this time. You knock softly against the door once, then twice and wait. 

“Bucky?” You call out softly. 

A sharp, defined meow answers you back from the otherside. You grin and give the knob a try, twisting it open slowly as you glance around the room. 

“Buck?” You try again. 

Alpine, Bucky’s white feline, greets you with a purr and rubs against your legs. You bend down with a coo and pick him up, scratching his head as he closes his eyes and continues to purr. 

“Where’s your daddy?” You whisper to the cat.

He meows like he understands you, making you chuckle. The cool floor feels nice against your bare feet this time, a nice contrast to the heat flaring through the summer air. Alpine settles himself in your arms as you search for Bucky. Everything is quiet, no signs of anyone up and moving around, and you start to wonder if Bucky is up on that roof again when you walk by the kitchen. There’s a dark figure by the corner of your eye, but you don’t register it until Alpine starts squirming and you do a double take. 

“Hey.” You put Alpine down. 

Bucky nods at you and follows Alpine with his eyes as the cat rubs up against his owner, adding an arch to his spine. 

“I was looking for you.” You explain when Bucky doesn’t say anything. 

“Hmm.” He hums nonchalantly. 

You nod, because you don’t know what you want to say now that you have him and twindle your fingers together. This is… a lot harder than you expected it to be. 

“Soo,” you start out. “How… are you?”

He shrugs. “‘M alright.”

Okay. You got that out of the way. Now let’s—  

“Let’s go to my room.” 

He’s whizzing past you before you can even blink, Alpine in tow. It takes you a moment before your muscles move and you’re following him. Your heart thuds wildly against your ribcage and you take a deep breath when his door comes into view. 

Bucky has always been in a state between organized and messy. Most days you can’t even call it an organized mess, it’s more separate if you can make any sense of it. You’re reminded of this as soon as you walk in, stepping over a t-shirt and combat boots. “Sorry, sorry.” Bucky mumbles as he quickly ducks down to pick them up. The rest of his room is about the same, but it’s not too bad to make a big deal of. 

“Can’t really sleep.” He offers an explanation. 

“Ah.” You nod. “You got my problem now.”

He smirks mischievously and it shamefully sends a wave of blazing arousal through your body, ending at the pulsing ache quivering in need. 

“It seems I do, doll.”

Is this—is this a double entendre? Is Bucky messing with you right now? Enjoying the way you’re trembling with a hold that’ll give everything away? 

If so, he’s doing a fantastic job.

“So,” you clear the lodge in your throat. “S-so do you want to, uh, train? Like last time?” Okay, that might not be such a good idea—you won’t be able to control yourself then, you’re positive of it—but you genuinely do want to help him, so you’re willing to fight your animalistic pulses for the sake of your friend. No that—that doesn’t sound right. Just calling him your friend. Now, it’s leaving a distaste in your mouth.   

He sits down on the edge of his bed—dark covers that match the aesthetics of his personality—and plants his elbows on his knees as he, dramatically you have to add, thinks thoughtfully with a slight pout to his perfect lips. 

“Push ups.” 

You raise an eyebrow. “Alright?”

“But I’m gonna need a little help.”

He leans forward, just a bit more, and—and maybe it’s just your uncontrollable imagination—his eyes are dark and blown wide. 

Okay, your pussy is throbbing now, the pulse achingly worse in your clit. “O-okay.” You lick your dry lips. 

His smirk widens and stretches to put his cup onto his nightstand, making his shirt pull up, showing you a sliver of chiseled abs on his toned stomach. 

Holy fuck. You’re not going to make it. 

Bucky catches your eye before he gets down on the carpet, the muscles in his back straining deliciously and mouth watering as he stretches his legs out and holds himself up by his palms. 

“Sit on my back.”

“Wha—” You sputter with a slight giggle. “What just…just sit on you?”

“On my back, yes.” Bucky teases and glances up at you. “It’ll tire me out faster.”

It makes sense. Logically. And he does have more of an immunity than most. But you just can’t help but feel that this is part of a game of his, thinking of any and every way to torture you and watch you squirm in your helpless state. 

You’re silent as you take short steps towards his crouched form and place a hand steadily on his broad shoulder. You check on his face, still as lucid and beautiful as ever, and carefully settle your weight atop his. 

“Good?” You ask. 

“Yes, so you can relax sweetheart.” He says without a strain. So you do as he says, sitting more comfortably on him and crossing your legs. 

He bends his elbows and leans down, your fingers automatically gripping his shirt to gain more balance, and pushes himself back up at a steady pace, barely a noise coming from him. Each time he moves you feel his muscles stretch and tighten beneath you; you have to bite your lip to stop from digging your nails into his skin.  

Alpine watches as Bucky continues the workout, all the while you’re sitting on him wondering just what you’re supposed to do other than sit here, anything to clear your head and appease the burning ache coursing through you.

“Say something.” He grunts.

“Like what?” You scoff despite yourself. 

“I don’t know, talk about anything.” Up, down. A heavy breath. “Count for me then.”

“I don’t know how much you’ve done already.”

“Ten.” He answers immediately. Up. Down. “Eleven.” Up. Down. “Tw—“

“Twelve.” You interject with a mimicking tone. “Thirteen…fourteen…fifteen…sixteen…”

Up. Down. You highly doubt he’s even breaking a sweat right now as your body hobbles on the muscles of steel. Up. Down. A tick, sounds like from a watch, sounds lowly in the room, but to you it sounds like it’s echoing loudly through your ears. Up. Down. You need to tell him. Up. Down. 

“Alp,” Bucky sighs annoyingly. 

You look over and see the white glob bend its head down by Bucky’s wrist, and when Bucky leans down the cat boops his nose against his and sits. 

“Oh no, c’mon.” Bucky complains. “Move.”

He tries to sweep Alpine away with one arm but you’re moving too, not holding on to him and when he leans most of his weight onto his left side, your body goes with it. 

“Woah!” Your hands fly wildly as you attempt to grab onto something. That something happens to be soft and you mistake it for his shirt and pull. 

“Hey—shitmhm!”

You freeze. He does too. 

Did that…did that just happen? 

The air is thick, so fucking thick, you’re not sure if you can breathe properly under the weight of it. 

Now what the fuck do you say?

“Um are you—” you’re breathless, like you’ve been the one doing the push ups. “Are you okay?”

He still keeps his stance, Alpine long gone by now towards his bed most likely. You don’t care about that right now. All you can think about is how his arms flex as he keeps you up and how you can see his jaw tick; it shouldn’t turn you on, but that groan does nothing to help you as it echoes through the air silently. 

“Buc—”

There’s a tug on your calf and suddenly the room is a blur. You feel yourself being pulled down and flipped onto your back, and again you brace yourself for impact but it’s—it’s just the soft carpet, and he’s leaning over you, legs between his now open ones with a dangerous look in his eyes that you can’t tear away from. A bead of sweat dribbles down the tip of his nose until it drips down onto your cheekbone, but that’s not even enough to break the spell you’re currently in. It breaks Bucky’s, however, because he curses and wipes the small line from your cheek and wipes the front of his face with an open palm. 

You should say something. A word. Just something. He turns back to you and just…looks at you. And you look back. Breaths mix together, like it’s the most natural thing in the world, and there’s a battle waging in his mind, you can see that in his eyes; they’re barely recognizable now, no blue or gray. 

“Can I kiss you?”

It takes you a second to register what he said. It’s soft, so fucking quiet and gentle that it pierces straight through your heart. Your stomach erupts in nerves and your legs tighten together on their own accord, pussy fluttering at the question. 

Bucky waits patiently, never once moving a muscle. You lick your lips and that’s when he moves, a flicker of his eyes and a part of his lips. 

You don’t answer him with words. You don’t think you can trust your voice enough to. Don’t think at all, actually. Instead you nod and wait with baited breath as he nods back, leisurely, and starts to lean in. It’s tentative, careful but eager. You never take your eyes off his, only when you feel the soft press of his lips against yours do you indulge yourself. 

The kiss starts off slow. Barely even a kiss, just lips against lips. You crane your neck up and back a little and press harder against him, making him moan softly in the back of his throat and shit that’s one of the most beautiful sounds you ever heard; you need to hear more of it. 

Sensing your eagerness, he presses back and kisses you like you’re sure he did back in the 40’s, slinging every gal and wooing them with just a wink of an eye. His tongue traces the outline of your bottom lip and you open your mouth with a gasp, inviting his curious tongue into your warm crevasse. He sighs at the taste of you, swirling his tongue with yours in a fight you know he’ll win. Your hands lift up and wrap around his shoulders, pushing him down on to you. He presses down on your knee and you spread your legs for him to settle in between.

“Why—” He breaks the kiss, a string of saliva connected to your lips trailing along as you whine from the loss. “Why did we wait so long to do that?”

You giggle, deep and low and he joins in with his own, harmonizing perfectly. “I don’t know,” you say. “That’s sorta my fault, I guess. I just—” you look away shyly. 

Bucky places two fingers underneath your chin, prompting you to look at him. “Didn’t want to risk our friendship.” He finishes for you. 

You nod. Your chest feels lighter now, a new sense of…of an increasing, raw excitement growing inside you. He must feel the same way, too, because he swoops back in for another kiss that’s all teeth and tongue. Your arms flex as you hold him still, running your hand up the nape of his neck and into his locks, gripping a handful of it to stable yourself. Bucky moans again and drops his hips into yours, where you feel the hardening outline of his cock through his sweatpants, grinding purposefully against yours. 

“Bucky,” you gasp, moaning when his lips trail down your jaw and stop at your neck. 

“I’m so sorry we ever waited this long,” he groans into the skin, planting a kiss on your rapid pulse. “You’re so fucking beautiful, малышка.

You don’t understand much Russian, but Bucky has been trying to teach you on and off and this one you understand; babygirl.

“Fuck.” You moan. He sucks a mark on your neck and bites down on it, making you whine and arch your back into him. He pushes back down, and his cock feels impossibly harder and you know he can feel your hot, dripping cunt, too. 

“Please,” you don’t know what you’re begging for. “I-I need…”

“What?” He asks sweetly. When you continue to sputter at him, he gives a hard thrust against your clothed cunt. 

“A-ah fuck.” You keen. 

“Tell me what you want.” He orders. “Tell me and I’ll give it to you. C’mon.”

It feels like you can’t breathe. He hasn’t even been inside you yet and you’re already on the edge, chest heaving and thighs quivering with the anticipation. 

Bucky suddenly drops down to his forearms, leaving a searing kiss that has you whimpering for more. “Want me to taste you?” He whispers huskily. “Like I dreamed?” His hands slide under your shirt, skimming against your sides. Your breath catches, caught in your throat as your skin breaks out in goosebumps. “Kiss that pretty pussy of yours? Fuck you with my fingers? Get you alll—“ He palms your breasts and pinches your nipple; you bite down on your lip hard, indents digging sharply through the tender flesh. “—nice and wet for my thick, fat cock? Would you like that, doll?”

Would you like that? You’d fucking kill for it. 

“Yes!” You moan loudly. “Oh please Bucky, please.” 

Bucky loves to see you beg. His dick twitches in response in his pants and you dig your nails into his back. 

“Okay baby,” he says against your open mouth. “Get on the bed for me, legs spread.”

You don’t hesitate as soon as he lifts off you. You crawl on the bed with shaky limbs and lay on your back on his pillow; it smells distinctly Bucky, filling your senses with fueled desire. 

Bucky looks at you like you’re fucking treasure. Like you’re the sun, the moon, everything to him, and it makes you blush and flutter under the intensity of it. You hold your arms out with a slight pout. 

“Please?”

He huffs a chuckle and reaches behind him to pull his shirt over his head. Your mouth waters at the beautiful specimen before you; you want to kiss the faint scars that littler his body. He pulls down his pants next but keeps his boxers on, the outline of his hard cock prominent and strained through the fabric; if it’s bothering him, he’s doing a pretty good job at hiding it. 

Bucky crawls towards you, slow and with a curve, like a predator capturing its prey. You reach out for him and grab his shoulders, pulling him towards you for a kiss. His lips, slightly chapped but otherwise soft, move against yours in perfect synchrony, as if your bodies are already so in tune with each other. He breaks the kiss, diving back to lick your top lip, and slides the palm of his hands back up under your shirt, this time pulling the fabric with him. You help him slide the shirt off and throw it casually across the room; your nipples perk under his wandering and trumpeting gaze. 

“Fuck, doll,” he whispers. 

Before you can react he leans down and envelopes your nipple in his mouth, tongue swirling around the perky bud. You gasp and hold his head to your chest while his hands grip down on your hips, hard enough to where you know there’s going to be bruises. He bites down on the bud, causing you to roll your hips against his and your toes to curl. 

“Bucky.” You whisper, just because he’s all you can see and feel and smell…

He lets go of your breast with a pop and trails his kisses down the valley between your breasts and to your stomach, stopping at the pant line. 

“Yes.” You say before he can ask. “Please, Bucky. I need you to touch me.”

“I already am, sweetheart.” He replies innocently. 

You don’t want to argue right now. “James.”

He laughs and dips his fingers inside the waistband, the cool metal making you shiver. “You know,” he says as he drags your pants down your legs at an agonizing pace. “I kinda like it when you say my name like that.”

You chuckle, but it comes out weird and without much air. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He bites your hip bone, making your hips jump and your pussy clench. “James.”

Keeping your eyes on him—somehow, you know that he wants you to keep watching him—Bucky licks the very same spot he just bit and catches his teeth on the lining of your panties, pulling back and tugging at the flimsy fabric. The act alone almost makes you cum. 

You moan lowly and lift your hips to help him pull them down your legs, kicking them off once they’re at your ankles. 

“Jesus.” He murmurs, his breath hot against your pussy; if it weren’t for his broad shoulders, you would’ve closed your legs to relieve the pressure. “You’re fucking dripping, baby. Did I do that to you?”

You swallow and open your mouth, but no words come out. It’s like your brain is short circuiting, cut off from oxygen. Bucky grimaces and slaps your thigh with his flesh hand, making you cry out. 

“Answer me.”

“Y-yes.” You stutter. “Fuck, Bucky yes, only you.”

He grins and kisses the top of your pubic mound, gripping your thighs tighter and scooching closer to the bed. “Gonna taste you.” He whispers, almost as if he was talking to himself rather than you. 

You wiggle your hips impatiently, waiting for him. You think he might slap you again if you continue moving, so you will yourself to relax and…and wait. Because he can’t stop fucking staring at you, and kissing everywhere but where you want him the most and it’s so frustrating you’re going to cry. 

“Pl-EASE!”

His hot, wet tongue slides up the strip of your folds and settles around your clit, circling the sensitive bundle. You preen into his mouth and clutch at the bedsheets, already writhing against him. He immediately throws an arm—his right one—over your lower stomach and pins your hips down, preventing you from moving an inch away or towards him; you’re completely under his will. 

Bucky explores the velvety slit of your pussy, humming all the while like it’s the best thing he’s ever tasted. The groans that are escaping you doesn’t sound like you, doesn’t feel like they’re coming from you, but they are and it finally catches up to you—James Buchannon Barnes, your friend, best friend, your co-worker, is eating your pussy like there’s no tomorrow. 

“Oh fu—” He nips carefully at your clit. You can’t focus. Not on your words, your surroundings, nothing but Bucky and the sensations he’s bring you. Every lick and suck on your pussy has you keening into his unbreakable hold, whining and clutching the sheets until you’re sure you’re going to tear right through them. This is too much, way too fucking much but you’re so close, so desperate for him, that you’ll—

He slurps lewdly and loudly, making you throw your head back and choke on a moan. “Bu-Bucky I—I need…”

He pulls back just slightly enough to say, “I know.” And he shifts, getting ready to switch arms. 

No. Oh no no no no. 

Your hand darts out and stops him. Gulping, you wordlessly place his flesh arm back on your stomach and reach for his metal fingers. Bucky’s eyes widen as soon as he figures it out and stares at you like you’ve just grown a second head. 

“R-really?” He asks indubely. “You want me to—Jesus baby you—fuck.”

“Please.” You whine. “I can take it.”

He—he snarls and buries his face back into your weeping pussy, attaching his lips around your clit. You gurgle out a low curse and feel his cold fingers prod at your gaping entrance. 

“You sure?” He asks cautiously. 

“If you don’t I will literally—OH!” One thick, wide finger breaches through your hole and slides into your cunt with ease, curling as soon as he’s knuckle deep. Your body spasms, like you’ve just been electrocuted, and your fingers curl in his hair. 

“Taste fucking delicious,” he begins to babble. “Sweet like candy. Nevr’ gonna get enough of it, doll, never.” He pumps his finger in and out of you, curling each time he slides back in, brushing up against your sweet spot. After a few pumps, he dips another in, stretching you. 

“Bucky I’m—” The coil in your lower stomach tightens, your pussy fluttering against his fingers painfully, but in a way that’s everything pleasurable. “Oh fuck I’m gonna c-cum.”

His lips are around your clit again, fingers pumping faster now to the point where you can hear the squelches from your cunt, and without any warning he sucks. Hard. 

“Fuckfuckfuck.” It comes out of you without preamble, mindless babbling that doesn’t even make sense at all. Your thighs cage his head, shaking and quivering as your orgasm approaches. “I’m g-go-gonna—” Your pussy clenches harshly around his thick digits and you’re gone. White flashes behind your eyelids, a numbness searing through your entire core as you shake and gush around his fingers, and a strange sound emanates through the room again; you don’t have to question who it is. 

Bucky works you through your release, moaning and lapping at everything you have to give him. Eventually you come down when it becomes too painful to bear and you push his head away from you. Giving your clit one last kiss that makes you whimper, he stands up and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, smirking down at you all the matter. 

“You did so good, baby.” He praises you; you shutter, legs jumping slightly as your body flexes. “Gonna let me fuck you? Huh, babygirl?”

You’ll let this man do anything to you. Your limbs feel like jello, but find enough strength to keep your legs open and open your arms invitingly to him. He makes a show of pulling his boxers down, your eyes following the patch of dark hair and bulges at the long, thick cock that slaps against the hard plains of his stomach, precum smearing from the red angry tip. Next time—and you really fucking hope there will be a next time—you’re going to put him in your mouth. 

“Like what you see?” There’s more of that cocky, playboy Bucky Barnes you’ve heard so much about. 

“Yes.” You answer honestly. “Kiss me.”

The bed shifts slightly and creaks under his weight as he crawls towards you and locks his lips with yours; you can still taste yourself on his lips, sweet and tangly. The tip of his head brushes against your clit as he lays down on top of you, hot and smearing more of his precum across your stomach. 

“Fuck me,” you moan into him. 

Bucky groans lowly and you reach down to grab his cock; it’s hot, thick enough to where your fingers don’t reach and pulsing in your hand. “Shit.” He hisses, hips stuttering in your grasp. 

Nex time, you’re going to tease him, too; give him a piece of his own medicine. You would now, but this has been a long time coming and you’re tired of waiting, so you line him up at your entrance and keep your hand on him as he slowly pushes in. 

He moans your name the same time you moan his, looking down to watch himself sink into your warm depths. He stops when he’s balls deep, and you feel so full that you’re positive the tip of him is about near your cervix. 

“Bucky.” You wiggle beneath him. “Move.”

“I got you, princess.” He croaks. “I got you.”

Pushing himself down on his forearms, Bucky pulls out painfully slow, his dick already wet and slick with your juices, and pushes back in. You roll your hips into his thrusts, taking him deeper. Every single muscle in his body flexes under your touch as you wrap your arms around his back, rolling into you with perfect thrusts that hits a spot deep inside you. You're too wired, too engrossed with the fact that it’s him, that your still overly sensitive pussy clenches around his cock. 

“Baby,” his voice presses sweet and deep in his throat as he gasps. “I’m not—fuck I’m sorry I-I’m not—”

“It’s okay.” You tell him breathlessly, pressing your forehead against his and giving his lips a quick peck. “Just fuck me, Bucky. Use me, like I’ve dreamed of.”

Bucky chokes, eyes wild and neck red, and pulls almost all the way out until the tip is barely in and thrusts back in harshly. You cry out and dig your nails into his bare skin, leaving angry marks in their wake. He grabs your leg and hitches it over his hip, bringing his arm back down to wrap around you. 

“You ever touch yourself thinking about me, doll?” He grits. “Huh? Have you?” 

How—oh Jesus fuck how are you supposed to answer that when he’s fucking you so deep that you can barely remember your own name. Your pussy clenches in answer to what he already knows, and that gets him to grind down at you; the curls of his hair brush heavenly against your clit. “Yeah, you have, haven’t you?”

Pleasure rips through as his hips meet your harder and faster, the slap of skin against skin becoming louder and louder, as is your cries, but you don’t care if the whole fucking world hears you. 

“You’re tight,” he gasps, closing his eyes. “How are you s-so fucking—fuck tight?”

You don’t know if he really wants you to answer that, but the only thing you can do is bring him down to kiss you again, clashing teeth as you moan and cling to him. He breaks the kiss and buries his head in the crook of your neck, breathing heavily. His arms slide back down to grope your ass cheeks and lift your lower half up to meet more of his heavy and hurried thrusts. 

“I’m not going to last much longer,” he warns you in a moan. 

You kiss his neck while your hand slides down his back to grope at his ass—as if you can push him even more deeper inside of you—and you lick his earlobe, tugging at the end with your teeth until he shivers. 

“I want you to cum,” you whisper seductively in his ear. “Sergeant, please.”

Sergeant. Sergeant. You have no idea where it came from, but as soon as the words leave your mouth he growls and starts to plow you, fingers digging into your flesh as his hips snap into yours. 

“Shit. Oh fuck babygirl I can—I can’t.” His rhythm falters, your pussy fluttering and clenching around him, trying to get his cock to say within you after each delicious drag against your walls. He whines—a pitiful, deep whine that resonates throughout the shocked nerves—and you can’t—

“I’m cumming.” You manage to break out. “B-buck—fuck.”

Your ankles cross around his waist, and it takes his teeth in your neck to have you cry out onto the ceiling as your pussy pulses around him, sucking him in and clenching until your muscles feel spent and sore. 

“Oh God,” Bucky whimpers and it sends another wave through you, making him sputter and choke as his hips slam into you unevenly. “Shit shit, fuck.”

“Please baby.” You encourage softly. “Cum.”

He abruptly pulls out, your protest lodged in your throat as you feel the hot, thick ropes of cum spurt out onto your stomach. 

“Fuck, fuck.” Bucky continues to gasp, his hand flying to his weeping cock and fisting it. 

You moan as a few more land on your chest, painting your body with his pearly white cum; you know it’s over when he starts to slump. Without a second thought, he pushes back into you. “Bucky.” You can only say in slight confusion and pain.

“Sorry, I’m sorry I just—“ he winces as his hips connect with yours again. “—just wanna feel ya. Too good.” He slurs. 

He kisses you then, slow and unhurried unlike earlier. This kiss says so much more in its language, lost in the dance of your lips. He trails his lips up to your forehead and places the softest and faintest of kisses there before settling on your chest. 

You hum and rub his back soothingly. You’re both sweaty and sticky—Bucky doesn’t seem to mind this fact as he presses himself closer to you—and your body is satisfyingly numb and exhausted. Finally exhausted for what seems like ages. 

Once the haze evaporates from your mind, questions start flying: what does this mean for you and Bucky now? When and how do you tell the others? What does this mean for missions? What does—?  

“Stop thinking.” Bucky mumbles, voice covered by the breast he’s laid his head on. “Too loud.”

He’s right. This time, it can wait. 

You smile and whisper an apology, snuggling deeper into the hug. You try to get comfortable, but the sticky evidence is drying uncomfortably on your skin. 

“Bucky,” you sigh. “We gotta shower.”

You feel his nose squint. “Few more minutes.”

You fall asleep before those few minutes are up.

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[azucanela]

chapter ii

pairing: bakugou katsuki x fem!reader

warnings: cursing. mentions of a bomb.

word count: 3k

summary: the internet is enamored with the idea of y/n l/n and bakugou katsuki, two renowned pro heroes, dating. the first issue? the pair rarely interacts. the second issue? apparently, they hate each other, not that anyone knows about that bit. of course, after one night of many mistakes, the whole world knows.

series masterlist

THE MEETING WAS NOT SUCCESSFUL. AT ALL. Or at least, that’s how it seemed in Y/N’s eyes. Seeing as the only thing that had come out of it was… spending more time with Bakugou. Which was the opposite of what she wanted to do at the moment seeing as she despised him. Y/N actually had a feeling that any further interactions with Bakugou would only end in more chaos. So, Y/N decided she would set to work, as she would any other day. 

Ignore the problem until it goes away, right?

Slipping on her hero costume feels like a chore, pulling the gloves of her suit on with a grimace. They only served as a reminder of her inability to fully control her ability— though Y/N was known as someone with some of the most impressive quirk control. There was always that underlying feeling, of course that feeling never belonged to her. It had always been hard, shutting out the emotions of others, Y/N had found that those who feel the most strongly were the ones she would avoid.

Clearly she had failed.

Regardless, those emotions tended to be distracting as she went about her day. Y/N had learnt to ignore them, to block them out for periods of time, but in a career like hers it was unavoidable. The pain, the rage, the panic, the pure feeling of fear. It could get overwhelming and that often put her at a disadvantage. Emotions were viewed as a weakness, and oftentimes allowing your emotions to get the best of you resulted in unnecessary deaths. But allowing the emotions of others to do so? 

It got even worse when she actually activated her quirk to its fullest extent.  With a single touch, she could utilize the abilities of a person— all their abilities. When it came to quirks, if you controlled your quirk well, so could she. Otherwise, she would adapt the skills of a person, their intelligence, their athleticism, even their hobbies. Y/N could even the fact that she’d made it through UA to this ability. After all, she’d never been athletic, but her classmates had been. 

But her setback had always been a pain, especially in battle, Y/N felt the pain of whoever’s quirk she mimicked. If they were shot, Y/N felt it as if she had been shot as well. She’d never experienced someone dying on her. Nor did she want to. But Y/N was capable of holding as many quirks and capabilities as she could handle— and pain added up very quickly. 

It had been worse when she was younger, but Y/N had grown during her time at UA, and now she was capable of ignoring the emotions of others to an extent, and her pain tolerance had grown exponentially. 

Y/N was grateful for her success, for the agency she’d been working at. She was not grateful for the looks she got on the way there, Y/N could feel the whispers of those who watched her enter as they walked past. Though she could only hope her own staff had more respect for her. 

Her lips pressed together into a tight lipped smile as she entered, and Y/N found herself bracing for whatever could greet her. And to her delight, it appeared that everything was normal. Save for Lorelai’s presence by the entrance, her phone in hand. As though she had known Y/N had entered, the girl in question looks up from her phone before Y/N even has the chance to speak.

“We need to go over our plan, Y/N.”

In response, Y/N waves her off, continuing down the corridor. She smiles to those who greet her, mumbling back to them as Lorelai follows her. “Actually, I need to plan my first patrol of the morning.” She says, looking back to her friend momentarily.

“Then I’ll plan. And my plan includes a real nice fake dating scheme, kinda like those movies.”

Almost instantly Y/N turns around, glaring at Lorelai— who simply offers her a smile in response, clearly pleased with herself as she begins to move alongside Y/N rather than behind her. Y/N had no doubt that they would plan a fake dating scheme if it came down to it, unless she got involved that is. “So?”

“Well, the fake dating scheme was an actual option but you clearly don't like that.” Lorelai mumbles out in response, now holding a tablet as she guides them into a room. “Aside from that, basic press events together,” Lorelai looks up from her tablet pointedly, “where you actually look like you’re enjoying yourself, should amend the situation easily enough.”

Y/N raised a brow, taking a step around the long meeting table where those who worked at Hawk’s agency would soon congregate for their weekly assignments, “a little too easy if you ask me.” She looks to Lorelai, “Bakugou agreed to this?”

“I’m sure his PR team will convince him.” Came her response, shrugging as she took a seat on the table and crossed her legs. “We can do a public statement but there’s no real reason for making this a bigger thing than it already is. It would only end badly.” 

With a frown, Y/N’s eyes drift back towards the window. They’re still on the first floor so it’s not like she’s seeing much, but it’s almost astonishing, how there are people just… going about their days without a single fear in the world. All Might’s downfall had eradicated the mindset but on days like these it felt as though not a single thing had changed. As though there weren’t still dozens of underground organizations planning horrid things, and there weren’t hero agencies like her own devising ways to stop them.

Hero Society was a fragile, and corrupt thing. 

Y/N had watched as they threw children into every battle, she remembered when she’d been forced to do such things herself. She had watched her comrades, her friends, nearly die for a cause they were too young to comprehend. And she watched as civilians criticized them for not doing enough. Why did her publicity even matter? Shouldn’t that be the least of her concerns? Y/N found it funny that she needed to do well in polls to do her job well. It was the only real way to guarantee access to certain information that low ranked heroes didn’t get. 

With a sigh,Y/N turns back, brows furrowed, “so when does this start?”

Placing the tablet beside her on the table, Lorelai rests her palms against it and leans back against them, “next week probably. Haru still needs to work out the details with the rest of the PR team and Bakugou.” 

A small laugh escapes Y/N as she mumbles out, “it takes a whole team to keep that man from ruining himself.”

“Most Pro Heroes have a PR team, Y/N. You’re one of few exceptions.” Lorelai corrects, looking to her. It was true, Y/N was aware that more popular heroes often had teams of people coordinating their social media, schedules, public outings, and more. 

Y/N tilts her head at Lorelai, “why is that?” 

Lorelai raises a brow at her friend’s words, “what, you want to get rid of me?”

Y/N laughs once more, shaking her head, “no… it’s just—” She turns to face her friend, “when I hired you I couldn’t really afford anyone else. Now I can. But you do all the work by yourself.” Biting her lip, Y/N asks, “why is that? I could get you an assistant or something, easily.”

“Well you aren’t exactly the most problematic,” Lorelai responds, offering her a small smile.

Nodding, Y/N pulls out a chair at the head of the table, taking a seat, “but you also have plenty of other clients—”

The door opens, drawing their attention to the person who stands there, one of many heroes who worked at the agency., Pro Hero Telen, a simple hero name with an equally simple quirk. But his ability had saved them numerous times in battle. He pauses as he enters, “is it— is it not time for the briefing? Have I interrupted something? I apologize I can—” 

He moves to shut the door but Lorelai simply hops off the table, collecting her tablet as she heads to the door and rests a hand on his shoulder, “don’t worry— we’re done here, right Y/N?” Y/N simply nods, and Lorelai offers her a smile, “be careful today.” She mumbles out, before turning back to Telen. Y/N doesn’t know what she says, but he pales and nods before entering. Shortly after, everyone else seems to file inside, and Y/N finds herself sighing as she spins around in her chair as she waits. 

It would be a long day. A very, very, long day. 

BAKUGOU WAS TIRED. He really was. Working at Endeavor’s Agency meant long hours, endless paperwork, constant cases. And right now he was assigned to the current big thing; the Stain copycat that had yet to be caught. Unfortunately, this guy didn’t seem to be an amateur like the rest. Of course, whoever it was, they’d primarily been attacking minor Pro Heroes, until recently. 

Slowly working their way up the food chain of heroes until they ended up coming across someone who was relevant. It was inevitable, at one point whoever it was, they’d bite more than they can chew. Trying to take on a hero that surpassed their skills, whatever those skills may be— or they would slip up. Leaving behind some sort of evidence that would result in their capture. 

The only issue was, there was no telling where or when this would be. How many would have to die before they were caught? Bakugou didn’t necessarily want to know, and it was his job to make sure no one ever knew how many. 

A job he was failing. Alongside Deku, who had also been assigned to the case, it was a curious partnership but he had no choice to make it work. And his publicist had insisted that any presence with a hero like him would be good publicity. After all, most of the public knew about their little rivalry so it would make him seem diplomatic in a way. But Deku was…

“So… the gala, huh.”

Well, he was Deku.

“Shut up.” 

Thankfully, they hadn’t run into any reporters, though he was sure someone had caught pictures of them on duty together. Which was bound to end either ridiculously well for him, or incredibly poorly. It was always hit or miss with the press and Bakugou despised the entire aspect of the job. It was the one thing he could admit he was bad at. He wasn’t the most approachable, meaning it was rare for reporters to approach him in the first place due to his renowned temper.

The pair was making their way through the streets of the city, patrol was normal but they were currently on their way to the police station. They were supposed to be collaborating with the police to handle this copycat, and for some reason Deku was… panicked. It was subtle but the guy had been practically sweating bullets since Endeavor told them they’d need to work with the police. 

If Bakugou was honest this whole job was busy work. Why else would Endeavor’s agency be working on it? The Number One hero had to have better things to do. Maybe this was a punishment for what happened on the last mission they went on.

Bakugou frowns at the thought, electing to push those thoughts to the back of his mind as they come to stand in front of the Police Station. He finds himself bringing a hand to rub his temple. It was definitely going to be a long day. And he hadn’t even spoken to Haru about how the meeting with Lorelai went yet. Not that he wanted to know at this point, Bakugou had a feeling he wouldn’t be satisfied with any solution they proposed.

He really didn’t feel like dealing with any of this. So, Bakugou finds himself thinking that it might be time to use all those vacation days he’d been holding onto since he’d started working with Endeavor. They were piling up after all.

With a huff, he and Deku make their way up the steps up the police station, and Bakugou pushes the door open. It’s busy inside, as expected. A bustling atmosphere that reeks of blood, sweat, and tears, literally. There are some people seated, likely waiting to be processed, they’re handcuffed and Bakugou is fairly sure he recognizes one of them. Not that he has the time to dwell on it as they move through the police station.

One of the officers makes their way towards them, “you’re the heroes Endeavor’s agency sent?” He asks, looking to Deku, brow raised. “Welcome back.” 

Bakugou looks at Izuku incredulously as they begin to follow the man through the mess of a building, “the hell is that supposed to mean?” He hisses, but Izuku’s face has already flushed as he covers it with his hands, shaking his head.

“It was one time, how do all of you know about it!” Izuku cried out, and Bakugou finds himself glaring at his partner for the day, even without context.

The officer simply laughs, waving him off as they make their way into a room. There stands the police chief, Kenji Tsuragamae, and a few others seated at some of the many seats in the room, in front of white board that seems to be more of a mess than those around them. They look tired, exhausted even. 

Tsuragamae seems to notice their presence, clapping to garner the attention of the few inside the room, “everyone, please welcome the Pro Heroes from Endeavor’s agency. They’ll be assisting us with this case moving forwards.”

The officers seem rather unimpressed, and since Izuku still seems rather embarrassed for some reason, Bakugou finds himself stepping forwards, “what’s going on?”

With a sigh, he goes to answer. But he doesn’t get the chance as an explosion sounds and the building shakes. A siren goes off above them and suddenly the sprinklers began shooting out water as a woman entered, “sir! There’s been an explosion.”

Bakugou fights the urge to say, no shit, as he and Izuku exchange looks, “is it an attack?”

“On the police? That’s bold.” The officer from earlier comments as they all rise from their seats. But the fear in the room is abundantly evident as they all await her response, anticipation amongst them all. Because who would do such a thing, and so strategically placed on the day

The woman only shakes her head, and this time a man appears beside her, based on the way he’s dressed— Bakugou would have to guess he’s a plumber of some sort, but the man simply explains, “we think it’s an issue with the boiler room.” 

Bakugou finds himself rolling his eyes, “then why are you still here?” He turns to the rest of the room, “get on with the briefing and get the damn plumber down there.” He grumbles out, before taking a seat once more and redirecting his attention back to the chief, gesturing for him to carry on with his presentation. All the while Izuku is apologizing rather profusely for his attitude.

Now, crime had worsened exponentially after All Might’s downfall. It’s not that other heroes were suddenly less capable, although some were discouraged by the fall of the greatest hero. It’s just that All Might was a symbol. Even years after the fact, Bakugou could still see it. Things had changed. Although in recent times, crime had lessened thanks to the work of today’s Pro Heroes, there were still… issues.

Many had gone the vigilante route as a result of the League of Villains and Stain— and speaking of Stain, there had been several copycats over the years, people who agreed with his ideals and his actions. Which is what brought them here. The issue at hand was this most recent copycat was… decent. Most of the time it was amateurs who didn’t plan that far ahead, quick and easy to catch with minimal casualties, if any. 

Essentially, the police had nothing on him. Just a list of his victims and what they had in common. They were underground heroes, like that of his own teacher from UA, but something about them seemed off, different from what they’d seen in other copycats in the past. They weren’t like the flashy heroes you would find, the ones who seemed… fake. The ones most targeted because they fit Stain’s idea of a false hero.

And even then, there was no being sure which were the victims of this copycat and which were that of others. As the anniversary of Stain’s capture grew closer, more attacks were popping up. 

Shaking away these thoughts, Bakugou grimaces. All he had gotten from that briefing was that they knew nothing, had done nothing, and were going nowhere. Which wasn’t necessarily encouraging. So far, there were four confirmed victims of the copycat, and three additional deaths that were viewed as possible victims of the copycat. Technically, one of the copycats, but that wasn’t something he necessarily wanted to think about. 

Yeah, he would definitely be taking those vacation days.

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 142

Another late chapter... I’m really batting a thousand lately, seems like.

So, work has been insane, but @baelpenrose reminds me to post when I forget, thankfully. And this is SUCH a fun chapter.  I hope you all enjoy!

I dropped into a seat in Mess Hall Seven with a groan, so exhausted that I barely managed to get soup and a grilled cheese from the console.  Tyche yawned and nodded in agreement before poking at her sushi bowl idly. It was six Von-days after the last drill, and between coordinating increased training schedules for Shelters Three and Seven and helping Charly plan kink-night at the Undine, we were wiped.

“People are ungrateful,” she muttered before managing to barely balance a piece of salmon into her mouth.

I muttered something that hopefully sounded like agreement before I scooped up a bite of my soup with one wedge of sandwich, too lazy to even bother with the spoon. “Remind me why we don’t have Vati and Hannah handling the practice schedules?”

“Because they are handling the extra evacuation drills with Jokul and Arthur.”

Personally, I thought they were getting the better end of this deal, but since the raging success of their first Food Festival, it really was only fair. “And the relocations for those who need it,” I admitted. “Except mine.”

“Conor may actually strangle one of them if any of your plants don’t make it,” she pointed out, gesturing with her chopsticks for emphasis after having given up and using her fingers to eat her lunch. “Not to mention I wouldn’t wish packing with Maverick on anyone.”

“He’s letting me pack the books and textiles.” I shrugged in acceptance after taking another bite of soup-dipped sandwich.

We picked at our food in silence after that, grateful for something resembling a reprieve, before we were interrupted by a flurry of grey hair and enthusiasm landing in one of the nearby chairs with a heavy thunk. “Good afternoon, Madams Reid.”

“Hey, Jokul,” I muttered as Tyche just waggled her fingers at him. I really think I liked it better when he was trying to kill me. Right now, I might even let him do it.

“I know you are both on your meal period, but I wanted to test the waters on potentially scheduling a community activity,” he rushed out.

Tyche guarded her lunch with an almost feral aggression, having heard what happened the last time Jokul had interrupted my lunch. “That should really be something you run by Al-”

“Worthington, yes, I know,” he interrupted. “However, I know you are both quite busy and I wanted to be respectful of your time. As such, I will make this as brief as - ow!” He snatched his hand back away from the other half of my sandwich, rubbing where I had slammed my spoon down onto it.

“I have no idea where the food stealing comes from, but don’t,” I warned him.

“Rude, got it,” he nodded in a terrifying impression of Charly’s normal demeanor. “As I was saying, I recently learned a new type of game from Terra, from the Before.  It involves teamwork, and encourages creativity and escapism, and I think it would be a very good community activity - “

I surrendered to my urge to groan. “We are not doing a redux of Settlers of Cattan. Arthur stabbed someone last time.”

“I didn’t press charges…” Jokul pouted, glancing at the scar on the back of his wrist briefly. “Besides, it was only a fork. Clearly he didn’t mean it, there were four knives in arms reach counting my own.”

Tyche cocked an eyebrow at me. Seriously?

I pursed my lips and wrinkled my nose in response. Yep.

“So what game is it this time?” I asked hesitantly.

I was reward-bombarded with a grin. “It’s called Dungeons and Dragons! Somewhat like a video game, but with more people, and using writing implements and paper. Oh, and different kinds of dice, very important. One person is something of the narrator, to give the game a kind of structure, while the other players act as characters in the game… Ivan introduced me to it, and it is quite challenging with the right people.  The dungeon master - that is the narrator - has to re-evaluate the story based on the actions of the other players, but the players themselves don’t know what the dungeon master is going to do. It is very much a social diversion, and there are many classes….”

As Jokul continued to gush, he was rather oblivious to the fact that Tyche and I were stuffing our faces as quickly as possible to avoid interrupting him or laughing. We had both played when we were younger - in fact, we had been introduced to the game by our mother.  There had even been a very overwhelming pop-culture movement in our youth around the game, which further emphasized just how far out in the boonies Jokul had grown up.  As shocking as it was that he was just now discovering the game, it came at exactly zero surprise that he enjoyed it so much - it was right up his alley of interests.

About fifteen minutes and two more grilled cheeses into his retelling of the campaign he was part of, Charly and Arthur squeezed in with us, their own lunches in tow.  As seemed to be a growing trend, Arthur reached over and snagged one of my sandwiches before I could react, shoving half of it in his face.

That was apparently enough to snap Jokul out of his story. “Hey! Why didn’t you hit him?”

“His deathwish, not my problem,” I shrugged.

Around the remains of my lunch, Arthur managed to enunciate. “Told you, Noah fissed the dairy allergy.”

“Bleargh,” I gagged comically. “It’s okay, think I’m done anyway.”

Jokul’s hand swatted Arthur’s out of the way to steal the rest of my food. “As I was saying, Ivan was quite clever with his resolution to deal subdural damage to the player who was very much ruining the storyline by insisting his character was immune to magical sleep…”

“Oooooo! I love tabletops!” Charly squealed, bouncing in her seat. “What setting are you playing in right now?  My favorite was always Exalted…”

“Miss Harper, I think we are discussing different activities.” Jokul sounded supremely confused, but my heart broke a bit.

Arthur shook his head. “Maybe not Exalted, but what about Ebberron? Swordhaven, maybe?  Just tell me it isn’t Ravenloft… I know you haven’t been fucking around in a Dark Sun, but I beg you to tell me you aren’t playing Ravenloft.”

“I’m not sure what those are… Ivan introduced me to Dungeons and Dragons. There is only one setting.”

“So… Greyhawk or homebrew,” Arthur nodded. “Best place to start, get the basics down.”

Jokul’s head pivoted toward me and Tyche, squinting in annoyance. “You knew, didn’t you? And you let me prattle on…”

���You were so… happy….” I explained plaintively. “We didn’t want to ruin that for you.”

Tyche nodded. “We both remember how fun that first campaign is. And honestly? We’ve been having a kind of crappy day.  It was nice to hear someone be excited about something that isn’t work related.”

“But I came to you to discuss making it a ship activity…”

“Originally, yeah,” I shrugged. “That was maybe the first thirty seconds.  After that, you were doing what literally every tabletop roleplaying person has done since the beginning of time… telling stories about the fun, dramatic, and frankly stupid shit the people in your party are doing.”

“Says the two-foot eight halfling rogue,” Arthur scowled.

“I rolled it at random, it was fifteen years ago, get over it!” I threw my hands up dramatically. “At least I wasn’t mated to a frickin’ deity.”

Charly giggled uncontrollably while Jokul goggled at us. “Exalted is broken in all the fun ways.”

“You literally sacrificed, and I quote ‘all of your fucks to give’, for necromancy.”

“That was your idea!”

Jokul turned toward Tyche, waiting for her to say something. She just held up her hands defensively. “I was a murder monk-bunny.”

Arthur snorted. “You were the Black Rabbit of Inle….”

“Well if my wife would have just stopped dying…!”

“At least none of us were the Platinum Knight who pissed his pants every time he confronted his favored enemy,” I laughed. “He never did live that one down. Every. Single. Dragon. He would crit fail his roles.”

“Oh, please,” Arthur intoned drily. “Did I ever tell you about the time one of my players managed to make ‘Notice me, Senpai’ into the most terrifying in-universe warcry imaginable?”

Charly choked before swatting his shoulder. “Not in front of my pasta. Please.”

Jokul, however, looked both horrified and intrigued, egging Arthur on. “Barbarian whose entire clan worshipped a god named The Senpai…. Just imagine, a barbarian in a rage, bellowing ‘NOTICE ME, SENPAI!!!’ before just scything down thirty men with a broadsword.”

At this point, I was laughing so hard that tears were rolling down my face. “Please, please tell me there was a kilt and pigtails involved….”

Jokul touched his own hair, before straightening as seriously as possible. “They are warrior’s braids, Councillor.”

That was it, I couldn’t take it anymore. I just put my head down on my folded arms and waiting to either pass out from laughing so hard or from exhaustion.  A few deep breaths and a spinning head later, I managed to wipe my face on my sleeve and realized the conversation was continuing without me.  Just as I was clearing my throat to let Jokul know he should be fine to start organizing something and to send me a rough outline, Arthur dealt the final blow.

Leaning over, he whispered over my shoulder. “By the way, the barbarian’s name was Drystan of the Doki-doki tribe.”

I was proud that I managed to get up and dash into the hallway before collapsing against the wall in maniacal laughter.  I barely registered Hannah’s voice behind me asking everyone at the table if I needed medical assistance, and that did not help.

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[dannobfg]

So I had Covid over the Christmas holidays. I was stuck in quarantine for 11 days till my tests were finally negative. Now, just over a week later, my flatmate has tested positive too. He got it from people at his work. He's in his room, quarantining.

I already lost a week of work, and unfortunately, of pay, given my particular situation of employment. I'm currently waiting for my boss to message me back to tell me if I'm allowed to go into work next week. I think it's likely they'll make me do a test daily, and as long as I test negative each time, then everything should continue normally. This is one more thing that adds to everything going on lately. Feels like this new year has come full of bad luck.

This week my shower broke. Our downstairs neighbor came up saying his ceiling was leaking water. It took 4 days to get it fixed. So at least that's out of the way. At least for now. But like, it was just another thing.

This weekend I was supposed to be meeting my sister and brother for lunch and to chill and catch up, since I didn't see them for Christmas. But obviously, due to fucking covid, I'm not able to go. My sister is only here for a few hours as she is going to the airport to catch a flight. It's too risky to meet up really anyway...but, I'm frustrated at the whole situation. I have fucking had it with this pandemic. Idk if pandemic burnout is a thing, but I for sure have it...

Work is also super intense lately, and next week it's getting even busier. I work about 11 hours a day, Monday through Friday. I hardly have time for lunch or to myself. My social life is nonexistent, and even when I have a little more time on Saturday or Sunday, I'm so exhausted that it's hard to make plans. It's also hard to coordinate plans and schedules in adult life. Everyone has their own job and obligations to take care of. Everything takes a lot of effort and planning. It's exhausting. I miss the spontaneous nature of my life back down south.

I moved to Madrid in the last week of August. It's January now. A friend asked me on videocall recently if I'd made any new friends. I said not really. I haven't had that much free time. And when I have had it, I tried to meet the friends I already knew here. All 2 of them...My coworkers are just that, coworkers. We're not friends, but we're not not friends. I don't actually see them that much either since we're all doing individual sessions in individual rooms.

Am I lonely? Sometimes. When I have some time to myself and my brain starts to actually think instead of just do do do, go go go.

I've started this year off more depressed than I have ever been. It feels like I have so many different things happening all at once and I'm simply overwhelmed.

About a year ago almost now, I finally started to come out to people about being gay. My story is a long and difficult one, growing up in a homophobic environment. I recognize still so many homophobic attitudes and ideas in myself. My deconstruction is being hard. But in this aspect, I am happier than I have been.

Back in February 2021, I had my first boyfriend of sorts. It was a lot more in my own head than it was a reality. I caught feelings and I got myself quite hurt. It took me a long time to get over it. And I thought I had. But for at least two months now, there is not a night that goes by where my mind is not back there with him, going over every little detail of what we lived. Recently I've been remembering things that happened with him that I had forgotten. I think it's so present right now because it's coming up to the "anniversary". Almost a year ago now.

I haven't helped myself by seeking out new experiences with new people. For me it's not easy to feel sexual attraction if I don't have feelings already. I've been familiarizing myself with the concept of asexuality, demisexuality and just grey ace I guess. I still don't feel comfortable anywhere tbh.

See, the whole thing is I don't know who I am or what I want. For the longest time I lived a life where every step was planned out. Not every detail, but yes a general direction. Last year I finally decided I had had enough and stepped out of that life. But I haven't quite found my feet yet in this new one.

I've lost so many people. Family too. It's tough. Some people I haven't told, but they'll find out eventually. The truth always finds a way of coming to the surface.

The transition from student life to work life has also been quite hard. Made worse by this whole pandemic which doesn't seem to want to end quite just yet. Idk, there's just a lot of things happening right now.

I was looking for a relationship for a while. I was stuck in the mindset that another person is what I needed to be happy, or at the very least, happier. But no. The whole culture surrounding gay relationships is fucked up. And in general, it's out of fashion to be monogamous and tied down when you're my age.

I went on so many dates the last few months. It was exhausting. Too many talking phases that ended up nowhere. And if they ended up somewhere, it was the friendzone. I guess in a way, it's partly my own fault. I was putting too much pressure on them. And people are generally scared of commitment and being vulnerable with someone else. I understand that it's not easy, but I do still believe that it's worth it and that it's the only way that I know of, of actually getting to know and love someone.

I've always cared too much about other people. In two ways; about what they think of me, and about them / for them. To me, people have intrinsic worth simply because they are. I think because of the way I was brought up, it feels disrespectful to sexualise someone and nothing else. I think that's why I haven't been able to just hook up with people.

So, I deactivated my profiles on dating apps and have decided to stop seeking out a relationship for now. I'm in no position to actually be able to love someone the way they deserve because my head is too far up my own ass, deep in my own miseries...

I've wanted to start therapy for a long time. But it hasn't worked out yet. It's expensive, and I need it to be in person which involves getting from A to B. I don't have time during the week because of work and many shrinks don't work weekends here. Plus, the online option isn't really available to me since I don't feel comfortable in my own home right now either, and the walls are paper thin.

My living situation is that I'm sharing a flat with two other, older guys. I didn't know them before I moved in. They're nice enough, but they are very heterosexual. The type of guy I do not know how to relate well to and don't have much in common with. Plus, the age difference doesn't help much in that sense.

I originally signed a 6 month contract. That ends in February. I could technically ask for it to be extended, and I may yet have to. I'm not sure that they're that happy with me as a flatmate either, so there's a chance that even if I wanted to stay, they wouldn't allow it. But it's really got me quite stressed out right now. Because rent is super expensive here and the area where I live isn't really one where there is much option available to rent with flatmates...I found this place by pure luck, the good kind. And I would need a whole lot more good luck to find somewhere new.

It currently takes me about 30 mins on the metro to get to work and about 30 mins to get to the centre of Madrid, also by metro. This area is kind of ideal between work and social life. Logistically, moving would also be quite complicated. Honestly idk what I'm gonna do in the end...

Anyway, needless to say, I've got a lot on my plate right now and I'm managing it all poorly. Being a young adult is not easy, and honestly, idk how long I can keep this rhythm up for. My next break of 4 days won't be till April...

I constantly have this feeling inside of wanting to stop and breakdown. But I can't. Literally no more tears left to cry. Plus there's nowhere to go. Like, I feel trapped. I have responsibility in my work. Towards people. I work to help people that need it. My absence would create a void not easily replaced. Not to sell myself high, but my particular CV is not common. In fact, they've been looking for someone for this position for ages, and they're still looking if they were to find someone else to add to the team.

Idk...

I've also been thinking a lot about late-blooming lately. Like, I recently got a second ear piercing and though subtle, it feels like the equivalent of a gay person going through the phase of dying their hair different colours. Like, being a bit rebelious and pushing boundaries and exploring self-expression. I feel like I'm finally in a place where I want to be that way but find myself having to conform to social norms and practises of the profesional work environment. Plus I've always been the good kid, so it doesn't come easy.

I think I'm going to quit my job come summer. And if fucking covid allows, travel and work teaching English again for a bit, until I figure life out a bit more. You know? But that's also kinda crazy.

Like, I've come to realise that most people don't have it together. Most people are just going through life as lost as me. We grow up looking up to older people thinking they have it all figured out. But the truth is, rarely is anyone truly at peace. Maybe that's a little too harsh. But my point is, there's no single point one reaches where life magically is fine. No specific age.

Anyway, I feel like I got a lot off my chest with these words. Excuse my ramblings. I'm not looking for answers. I'm just venting my brain to the internet because I literally have no one else to go to right now.

I feel like such a waste. Like, I've always had so much potential to be great. Yet here I am, depressed as fuck, rambling to the internet...what a mess of a human that I am...

[pinkbubbles-and-bigtroubles]

Little Surprises

Your husband Calum takes your daughter Lucy to pick out a puppy to foster, but things don’t go as planned.

This is pretty fluffy and there’s no smut (who am I???)

CW: strong language, mentions of depression, anxiety, alcohol, and pregnancy

"Hurry Daddy, hurry up before they close," Lucy, your four-year-old daughter, impatient as always, yelled from the back seat of Calum's Rover. 

"Just a second sweetpea, we have plenty of time," he replied over his shoulder as he walked with you back to the front door. You'd finally given in to Lucy's pleas to foster a dog during the lock down. Your daughter was intelligent, sociable, and bored out of her mind these past couple weeks. Her favorite, Uncle Michael, was helping to keep her occupied by playing animal crossing with her every day, but you limited her game time to one hour in the afternoon. So to help keep her occupied he showed her videos of the puppy they were fostering while stuck in the house. Once the idea was in her head there was no getting it out, and it didn't help that Calum thought it would teach her responsibility. With the two of them against you it was a miracle you held out a whole week.

 You hadn't been feeling well these past couple weeks and the idea of a puppy underfoot and needing taken care of was not something that appealed to you. Your husband managed to convince you by taking wonderful care of both his girls while you were all home together. He'd made up a schedule for Lucy that kept her out of your way so you could work until lunchtime when you traded off so he could promo his latest album. You'd started doing stretching and yoga together as a family before dinner for about a week now, and you could tell it was starting to pay off. Calum being home with nothing to do meant he'd been all over you every night and morning, and occasionally during nap time. You were loving it, but your back and hips were killing you. Still it was better than the first lockdown in 2020 when you hadn't been able to see each other for three months. He'd whisked you away to a beach cottage for a romantic weekend, and nine months later your daughter was born. 

 When the weather was nice they played in the backyard. Lucy adored her father, and anything did, she had to do.  She wanted to play soccer so Calum practiced with her running drills in the backyard and polishing up his own skills in the process. It was hard to concentrate on your laptop, and you caught yourself watching them instead of working. Part of you still marveled that this was your life, your family, and your husband. 

Had it really been just six years since the first night you'd met in a bar after a concert you'd both attended? You'd been so drunk you'd gasped and told him he looked just like "Calum Hood, the sexist fucking bass player in the world." Cal found that hilarious, but your boyfriend at the time very much did not. This led to a screaming match outside the club where he called you every name in the book and left you crying on the curb before taking a very expensive two-hour taxi ride home. In his anger he forgot you'd reserved a hotel room to avoid the drive after the show. You remembered the hotel but couldn't remember how to get there which made you cry harder.

Right then Calum came out for a smoke and found you a weepy, sloppy mess. After he'd calmed you down, he insisted on walking you back to your hotel. You thought it was right around the corner, but you got turned around and Calum ended up walking with you for almost thirty minutes before you found it. He insisted on having a female employee walk with y'all to your room before giving you a goodnight hug.

The next morning you'd been awoken by a pounding headache. You quickly downed three glasses of water and sat in the shower until the hot water ran out trying to piece together the previous night. You were convinced the handsome man was a figment of your imagination until you saw Calum Hood followed you on Instagram and Twitter. Opening your phone you found a new number saved as "The Real Calum Hood." 

You'd convinced yourself, after much yelling and multiple threats from your best friends, to take a once in a lifetime chance and go on a date with a bonafide rock star. You were convinced it would never work, but once Calum had his heart set, you never stood a chance.  You loved that man with a ferocity you hadn't known possible, and trusted him with your life, but if you ended up being the only one to clean up after this dog you were gonna kill him. 

*******

As Calum pulled out of the driveway he felt a twinge of guilt, he had every intention of getting you to change your mind about "fostering" a dog. He missed having a dog, Lucy was old enough, and it would teach her responsibility. He and Lucy had spent the past week getting ready for the puppy. They'd stocked up on supplies, watched videos about dog training

Growing up being shuffled between households, and always taking care of your siblings, you were never allowed to keep a pet. And while you craved the stability you found with Calum, Lucy and his family, you also panicked at the idea of being tied down. Two years ago, when you'd first married and bought this house, it took you several months to trust yourself to really decorate and make it your own. 

He smiled back at Lucy singing, "How Far I'll Go" at the top of her voice. You'd been hesitant to let her watch Disney movies, not wanting her to admire the pretty princess stereotype. Moana won you over, and your lock screen was still a picture of her and Calum as Moana and Maui for her very first trick or treat last fall. He loved you for giving him the greatest gift anyone could give. Even though Lucy was the spitting image of her aunt Mali the cleverness and quick wit that kept him on his toes was all you. 

This was a special trip so Lucy made sure to dress accordingly. She was going to wear her prettiest dress, but Calum had reminded her about how the dogs' paws could be dirty and scratch through the delicate fabric. After considering that she picked out her black and yellow Pokemon overalls paired with her child-size Doc Marten's, black like her dad's but with little multi-colored hearts. You'd pulled her dark curls into pigtails fastened with Pikachu hair bows. 

She was bouncing in her car seat as they pulled into the shelter.

"Puppy, puppy, puppy," she chanted as she unbuckled herself and he lifted her out of the car.

"Lucy Koa Hood if you take one more step away from this car," Calum warned his daughter, stopping her dead in her tracks before she bolted for the door. She looked up at him with those huge brown eyes, so much like his own, and grabbed his hand. She skipped towards the entrance pulling him along behind her.  

He'd already sent  the application and made an appointment so an employee was waiting to talk them back right away.

The sound and smell of dogs pricked at Calum's senses as they walked back towards the kennels. Lucy squeezed his hand tightly and he could feel a slight tremble. 

"Are you ok Lulu?" He was worried it was overwhelming for her and bent down to pick her up. 

She took a deep breath, puffed out her chest and looked him in the eye, and nodded. 

"I can walk Daddy. I'm a big girl," she told him, still clutching his hand. 

"Ok sweetpea, but if it gets too much let me know ok?" He reassured her, rubbing his thumb along the back of her tiny hand. 

Calum clicked a picture of Lucy's face as they brought in the puppy.  She had the biggest smile and her dark eyes were shining. She was so excited and was squirming and bouncing in her seat next to him. Cal stopped them from handing her the puppy until she could hold still. 

The puppy started wiggling as soon as they put him in Lucy's lap and began climbing up her chest, and licking her face. At first she giggled but she quickly got uncomfortable. She wanted to sit and pet him quietly. The little guy was energetic, rambunctious, in her face, and Calum could tell she didn't like it one bit. He scooped the pup out of her lap cradling it in his hands, gently holding him back so Lucy could reach in and pet him. The puppy let her pat his head a couple times before starting to gnaw on her fingers. 

Lucy snatched her hand back, crying out with surprise. Calum tried to explain to her that puppies were baby dogs and like babies they chewed on things and wiggled a lot, but Lucy outright refused to touch it again.

"No thank you, Daddy, I don't think that's the right one," she told him, crossing her arms across her chest. 

He handed the puppy back to the employee and asked to see the next one. Lucy's excitement had dimmed but it was still there when the employee brought back a pretty gold and white pup. He took her first, but this one was even more rowdy than the last one. Lucy clapped her hands and giggled watching the little gal attack Calum with much ferocity if very little coordination, but she refused to even try to pet it. 

"No thank you, I'll pass," Lucy politely declined and Calum was starting to wonder if they were going to leave with a dog after all.

"Ok we'll try one more," the employee told them smiling at Lucy who nodded and smiled back. 

"We don't have to get one today Lulu, it's ok to keep looking for a while," he reminded her.

"We just have to be patient, everything will work out," she tried to reassure him, speaking gently and patting his arm.

"Wonder where you got that from?" Calum snickered at your all too familiar phrase. 

The employee brought the final puppy in, and Calum felt hopeful when he saw the little fella was sleepy and not hyped up. Lucy was beaming and let them set the puppy in her lap. 

"Easy, easy" she whispered to herself and she stroked the brown and white fur. "See it's not so bad." She grinned at Calum looking both thrilled and relieved, but then her face twisted into a horrified look of shock. He was confused until the next second when she picked the puppy, still peeing, out of her lap holding it over the floor. 

The shelter worker grabbed the puppy, as Lucy burst into tears. Calum slid next to his daughter, putting his arm around her and curling her into his side. He kissed the top of her head over and over, rubbing her back, and murmuring "it's ok baby, it's ok," until she caught her breath again. 

They returned with a towel and helped get her dried off as best they could. Calum decided to call it a day and Lucy started sniffling all over again. He knelt down so he could talk to his daughter face to face.

"Don't cry sweetpea," he brushed the tears off her cheeks. "It just wasn't meant to be today, but they have our application on file. We'll make another appointment and come back. At least now we know a puppy might not be the best idea and we'll see what other options we have ok. Now if I know your mom she's got an outfit stashed for you in the car. We'll get you changed and go get ice cream ok?" 

She stood up still hiccuping and wiping her face. Calum went to pick her up but she shook her head and backed away. 

"No Daddy, I'm not scared, I'm just upset," she protested, still sniffling but fighting it back. " I wanna see the dogs when we leave." 

"Can we leave through the kennels?" Calum asked.

"Of course," the employee smiled down at Lucy. "I've got some stickers for you up front too. Just follow me." 

They led the back through a hallway and a set of double doors. The dogs went nuts when they saw them and Lucy stood back for a second. The shelter worker started to ask if she was ok but Calum held his hand up, motioning for them to wait. He watched his daughter squeeze her eyes shut and ball up her fists while taking deep breaths. Her lips were moving and he eased closer to hear what she was saying. 

"You're a big girl. You are smart. You are brave. You can do this." Lucy was repeating the words he'd heard your say to their daughter whenever her courage faltered. He felt a lump in his throat watching his little girl finding the inner strength you'd given her starting the day she took her first breath. 

She stuck her chin out and grabbed his hand, keeping close by his side as they walked. She gave a little wave as they passed the kennels.

"Bye doggies, bye doggies," she called out softly, her normal exuberance and energy tempered by the day's unfortunate events. Calum kept her hand in his as he chatted with the shelter employee. They told him they were a big fan of the band and played guitar from time to time. Cal started to offer to take a pic when he felt Lucy tugging at his hand. 

"C'mon sweetpea, we gotta get you changed. We'll come back another day," he told her. 

"Daddy wait a minute, I wanna see something," she pulled harder trying to get away.

"Next time Lulu, next time, I think you've had enough today," he pulled her along and she stumbled a bit making him stop. 

"My shoes need tied," she told him and he let go of her hand, ready to bend down to fix it.

Lucy turned on her heel and took off back towards the kennels. Doc Marten's don't make the best running shoes, but Calum was wearing his too. Not only that, she caught him off guard so she had already tumbled to a stop by the time he caught up. He saw her fall and was worried she hurt herself. He stopped when he saw her on her knees scooting towards one of the cages.

"Hi there, don't be scared" her voice was soft and soothing. Calum scanned the cage, finally spotting a small dog huddled in the corner. Golden colored fur shot through with silver and black with a pair of light blue eyes peering at their little group. 

"I'm Lucy, what's your name? Come say hi, I'm not scary like these big dogs," Lucy pat the top of her thighs trying to coax the dog over. 

"His name is Astro," Calum read the sign for her.

"And he's four years old, like me," Lucy told him pointing at the number above her head.

"No sweetpea, that's the cage number," Calum explained but the shelter employee broke in

"Actually Astro is four like you, but he's very shy and doesn't like most people," they informed her. 

"What's his story? What breed is that?" Calling was curious. Astro had at least turned to face them, ears forward listening to them. 

"Astro, Astro," Lucy called him. "Come here pretty boy." She tried whistling but she couldn't do it so she ended up spitting on herself.

"So Astro is 4, and there's definitely some corgi because he's got short little legs. Other than that our best guess is Australian Shepherd? His owner passed away maybe five, six months ago. Her daughter owns cats and the dog isn't very social so he ended up here. He's quiet so he rarely gets noticed," they quietly filled Calum in.

"Good with kids?" He asked.

"No clue, he keeps to himself and doesn't really deal with people." They shrugged, not knowing what to say. 

They stopped at the sound of a whimper. Astro was belly crawling incredibly slowly towards Lucy who hadn't stopped talking. 

"Come on Astro, come on. You can sleep in my room and we can be best friends. I have a best friend Sam but she's at school. Be my friend Astro pleeeaaasseee. I'm four just like you. We're not babies like puppies or my uncle Ashton has a baby, her name is Lauren. She's little so we can't play with her yet, but her sister Annie is four like us, and Kat is three. I forgot," her little hands fluttered with excitement. "Oh Astro, listen listen, Uncle Michael will let us come over. We can go in the pool, and he has dogs that will be your friend too. And I have the best mommy and daddy. Mommy is so pretty. She dances with me and says I am brave. I am smart. You need to be brave too Astro."

By now the dog was closer, almost in reach. Astro's eyes were fixed on Lucy, listening intently. Calum squatted down next to his daughter. "Lulu are you sure?" 

Lucy nodded rapidly, her pigtails bouncing as she answered. "Completely sure Daddy. He's lonely, I need to be his friend." 

Calum laughed, but it died when he looked down and saw the sadness and hope in the dog's eyes. "Poor little guy," Calum thought. "He doesn't know what's happening, just that he's been abandoned." 

 "Can we take him? Instead of a puppy?" He asked. 

"Please, please, please?" Lucy scrambled to her feet, bouncing on her toes, and her dark eyes pleading with them. 

"Of course, I just gotta get some paperwork. Come with me to the front and I'll get that taken care of," they started to lead Calum away but Lucy held back.

"I gotta go up front for the paper works, but you're coming home with us Astro," Lucy told him.

She turned and started to follow them, and Astro let out a long mournful whine. She turned around and went back.

"It's ok, I'll be right here. I won't leave you," Lucy blew him a kiss and ran back to her dad. 

They got up to the front and Calum told the employee they had to step outside for a moment.

"Daddy no, we can't leave," Lucy started to cry again. "We gotta get Astro."

"We will Lulu, but if I don't get you changed your mother will have my neck. I don't need mama mad at me," Calum told her. 

Lucy accepted that and didn't protest farther. You always packed a "car bag" whenever Lucy went anywhere in case of emergencies. Sure enough, tucked under the wet wipes, hair ties, and first aid kit was a change of clothes including socks and underwear. Fortunately it hadn't soaked through, so Calum took her shoes off and quickly changed her in the back of the Rover to leggings and a tunic.  

"He's gonna think we left him," she was pulling at him as they walked back in. 

They'd just walked through the door and they could hear Astro's whimpering as they were bringing him out. Calum whipped out his camera just in time to record Lucy's reaction when the dog came out, but it was Astro's expression of joy that touched him most. Lucy knelt down and Astro shuffled up to her, still a little skittish. She was patient, patting her thighs and calling softly to him until he finally came in close and rested his snout on her shoulder giving her a small lick on her ear. Lucy giggled and wrapped her arms around him. Calum took a picture and sent it to you as a heads up with the caption.

Lucy and Astro ❤️ I'll explain when I get home. I love you

Astro? I thought we were fostering a puppy. How can I say no now? We'll have this conversation later after Lucy goes to bed. I love you

*******

You rubbed your temples and sighed, hating yourself for being so irritated. You weren't feeling well and had a lot on your mind. You needed to have a conversation with your husband, but that would have to wait. 

You were in the kitchen checking on dinner when you heard the car pulling into the driveway. You made it to the door and were greeted by your daughter's excited chatter. Calum came around with Lucy, in different clothes then she's left in, dancing backward trying to control herself. You caught sight of Astro, a beautiful dog but seemed timid. He was watching Lucy's every move. Calum smiled at you and mouthed "are you ok?" You nodded and smiled back, not wanting him to worry.  

Astro wouldn't come near you, and ducked away when you reached out for him. He trailed behind Lucy as she introduced him to the house. 

"Hey you," Calum murmured in your ear, coming up behind you. You leaned back into his embrace, feeling your mind and body relax in a way only Calum could bring out. "I have to do some laundry. Why don't you go rest up and let me watch over the kid." 

"Sweetheart I'm fine, I've got a veggie lasagna in the oven. I've just been tired, but we can talk about that later. What happened at the shelter? I notice she changed clothes," you turned around, gazing up at your husband. You never got tired of looking at his face, still amazed you were lucky enough to love him. 

"One of the puppies peed on her. It was a disaster, and I really thought we were coming home empty-handed." 

"So how did we end up with Astro?" You reached up and booped his nose.

Calum grinned and wrinkled his nose in response," you always do that." 

"Your nose is always cute." 

"We were leaving through the kennels, and she was pretty freaked out. She had to psych herself up saying, I am smart, I am brave. I swear you're such a great mom. I'm so glad I knocked you up," he told you, landing a kiss on your lips. "As we were leaving she stopped, and even tricked me by telling me her shoes were untied. She took off and found this small creature that needed her to be his friend. The shelter employee said Astro ignored pretty much everyone until Lucy came along. She was so patient, I was really surprised, but she waited for him to come to her. She kept telling him she wanted to be his friend. It was the cutest thing."

"What no video?" 

"Of course, but Lucy has been a bit too quiet. Let's go see what she's up to," he kissed you again, reluctant to let go. "Are you sure you're ok?" 

"Yes, Cal," you replied as you stepped back and took his hand. 

You found Lucy in her playroom introducing Astro to her toys, bringing each one out and letting him sniff it before putting it back. 

Later at dinner Lucy chattered away in her booster seat while Astro laid by her chair. He finally let you pet him in return for some wet dog food. He seemed to be adjusting pretty well for the first night until it was time for bed. He whimpered and whined when Calum put him in his crate. Lucy, overtired and cranky, began sobbing inconsolably. You were tempted to not give in, but Calum compromised by letting Lucy "camp out." They pulled out Lucy's sleeping bag so she could sleep in her playroom with the crate. 

"We'll figure it out tomorrow, my love," Calum assured you. He got them settled in and Astro quieted down once Lucy laid down. You stood in the doorway watching him tuck your daughter in and sing her to sleep. In no time she was out like a light, and Cal turned his attention to you. 

"It's been a long day," he kissed you and pulled you back towards the living room. "Let me make you a drink and give you a backrub," He gave you a wink and a wicked smile as his hand slid down to your ass. 

"Would you make me a cup of tea, and then we can talk back rub. Although it always ends up going further than that." You laugh at the smirk he gives you in response. 

"You're the one who starts it," he reminded her.

"Not fair," you protest. "You're such a tease." 

"Me, I'm completely innocent," Calum protested.

"You are not, but you're very handsome so I'll let it slide." You sat on the couch and the anxiety came creeping back. 

Calum brought your tea, a bag of cookies, and settled in next to you. He pulled you in close to his side, wrapping his arm around you, and throwing your legs over his so you were sitting at an angle that he could see your face.

"Now will you please tell me what's going on? You've been stressing for days, and you won't tell me what's going on. Please don't shut me out. If you're having a rough time, just tell me. We can work through anything, but I don't want it to get bad like last time." You'd always struggled with depression, and you'd had a terrible time after Lucy was born. His thumb stroked the back of your hand as he spoke, and you saw the worry in his eyes and felt terribly guilty. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you worry," you began, but Calum cut you off.

"Don't apologize, my love, just talk to me," Calum took your hand and raised it to his mouth for a kiss.

"Ok, I know this isn't the best timing. You're going on tour and Lucy starts kindergarten in the fall. Do you remember Luke's pool party?"

"The madness of all the kids together. Luke almost setting the grill on fire. You in that blue swimsuit." Calum's voice dropped to a growl as his hand slid up your thigh. 

"Don't you start, that's how I got in this predicament," you warned him.

"I don't start anything, but I finish it.  Don't think I won't take you right here in the living-" Calum stopped, his eyes going wide as he looked at you.

He looked at the mug of tea steaming on the coffee table then back at your face. His hand moved from your legs to your waist, resting on your belly.

"You're pregnant?" 

You nodded. "Like I said I'm sorry the timing isn't ideal but-." Your words were smothered in a kiss as Calum pulled you onto his lap. 

"Are you sure? Did you take a test?" 

"While you guys were gone. I've suspected it for about a week now, but I needed a test." 

"Can I see it?" 

"It's in my purse." 

Calum grabbed your bag and was back by your side instantly. He watched as you pulled out a plastic baggie work the test in it. He saw the two blue lines right away, and he started to cry. You panicked, thinking for a second he was upset with you, but when he looked up at you, you'd never seen him look happier. 

"Come here you," he pulled you onto him so you were straddling him on the couch, sitting face to face. "Forget about the timing, we've never done anything at the right time." He cupped your face in his hands, brushing his fingers along your jawline and cheeks. "None of that matters because it's you and I, and together we can get through anything. I love you so much. You're the best mom. I can't believe we're gonna have another little one," he gave you a kiss, and then another.  "I can never thank you enough for everything you've given me and how happy you make me every day." He wiped his eyes but the tears wouldn't stop. 

"Why are you crying? Are you going soft on me Hood?" You asked, but you were laughing and crying along with him.

He pushed himself off the couch, lifting you up with him in one fluid motion. 

"Feel those muscles baby? Definitely not soft," Calum growled in your ear as he carried you down the hall. 

"What are you doing?" You asked as he stopped so y'all could peek in on Lucy and Astro.

"I'm about to show my beautiful wife how much I love her. Especially now that I don't have to worry about getting you pregnant."

@kiiiimberlyriiiicker1995 @sexgodashton @maluminspace @wildmichaelflower @ghostofmashton @sublimehood @tea4sykes @h0tsos @goth5sos @5-secondsofcolor @toofadedtofight @calteahood @noshamenion @irwinkitten @mermaidcashton @cherrycolamike​

[ruzek-halstead]

girl’s night

pairing: jay halstead x hailey upton

it's girl's night for the first responder ladies & girl talk ensues. the night ends at molly's where hailey tries to make a great escape but ends up confessing her feelings for jay instead.

"have you seen the way he looks at you? the man has heart-eyes all the time!”

masterlist || ao3

warnings: swearing, fluffery

it was vanessa’s idea to have a girl’s night.

she’s young, full of energy and looking for a good time. this particular girl’s night could have gone many ways, as literally everyone had different ideas in how to spent their night. eventually, vanessa’s idea received the most votes and it was decided they were going clubbing.

so hailey pulled out a little black dress from way deep in her closet (honestly, when was the last time she dressed up?) and a pair of strappy matching heels and allowed vanessa to drag her to a nightclub. the other first responder ladies were also in attendance (it was amazing that their schedules all coordinated for once). due to vanessa’s connections to the club, they were able to score a luxurious booth with bottle service in the vip section of the club; the drinks are flowing and they are all clearly and obviously, very inebriated.

“i’m so glad we got to do this!” sylvie exclaims, a fondness in her eyes. “god, i haven’t had an enjoyable night like this in forever. i love you ladies,” her eyes are glistening and hailey is sure she’s about to start crying in the club.

stella takes her empty glass from her hand and replaces it with a full one. “no tears tonight, brett!”

sylvie takes a hearty gulp from her glass. “sorry. i’m probably drunk.”

“you definitely are,” natalie laughs. “what do you think the guys are up to?”

kim snorts and all eyes land on her. she’s ditched the glasses and opted for the bottle instead (it’s been a year). “is that even a question? molly’s, obviously.”

“since we’re on the topic of men,” april says with a glint in her eye. “kim, what’s going on with you and adam?"

kim chokes on her bottle. “what?”

hailey hides a smirk in her gin and tonic.

“when are you guys getting back together?” natalie adds, looking at her expectantly. “honestly, we’ve all been waiting forever!”

sylvie nods. “you two are endgame.”

“end-what?” kim sputters, feigning confusion. she isn’t surprised they’re wondering though; adam and her have a long history and they always keep coming back to one another.

stella rolls her eyes, “not everyone speaks tween, brett.”

“it means ‘meant to be together’ obviously!”

kim hides her smile with another gulp from her bottle. “i’m not saying anything definite, but we are progressing along slowly,” she pauses so the ladies can squeal in delight. “we’ve been through a lot recently and i just can’t jump into anything right now.”

emily nods in solidarity. “that makes perfect sense. you do you, girl.”

“but since we’re on the topic,” kim adds, smirking in hailey’s direction. “how about you and jay?”

hailey nearly drops her glass.

“oh my god, yes! we’ve all been wondering the same thing!” april exclaims.

suddenly, all eyes are on hailey and she’s overwhelmed, like a deer in headlights.

“jay and i?” like the flick of a switch, hailey’s undercover skills jump in and she’s schooling them all with a perfectly stoic expression. “i’m not sure what you guys are talking about; we’re partners.”

if it wasn’t for kim and vanessa, she might have actually fooled them all, but they know her too well.

“bullshit!” vanessa yells, “i don’t believe that for a second. have you seen the way he looks at you? the man has heart-eyes all the time!”

“forget about that!” natalie interrupts, “we all saw your reaction in the hospital not that long ago.”

hailey swallows deeply. “that was… different. i wasn’t sure if he’d make it.”

“and what did that make you realize?” vanessa prompts with a mischievous smirk. hailey refuses to answer and instead downs her drink, following a particularly nasty glare thrown in vanessa’s direction. she’s unphased of course and says, “she’s obviously in love with him!”

“vanessa!” hailey snaps in utter mortification.

emily pats her knee from her seat beside hailey in the booth. “oh honey, it’s alright.”

“embrace it,” sylvie adds with a giggle, tipping back a bottle. stella smirks and hastily pulls it away from her.

“i’m so done with this conversation,” hailey mumbles, sliding down in her seat. compared to all the alcohol she’s consumed, she feels oddly sober in that moment.

“i have a crazy idea!” vanessa interrupts excitedly. “let’s go hit up molly’s?”

emily grins, finishing her glass quickly. “i’ll go anywhere i can get out of these shoes.”

“oh god, me too,” april agrees.

hailey is just dying to get away from conversations about herself and with everyone distracted at molly’s, she can make a quick escape.

stella makes the final decision as she stands up with a wicked grin. “plus, i have an in with one of the owners. free drinks, ladies!”

🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸

it only takes them twenty minutes to call ubers and arrive at their favorite modest bar. it only takes hailey seventeen minutes to realize how truly tipsy she is and how much of a terrible idea it was to wear heels. but then it only takes two minutes upon arrival to spot jay’s truck parked across the street and a small smile spreads across her features.

the ladies enter the bar in high spirits and loud cheers. the men of chicago’s first responders are scattered around the bar, smirking pleasantly at the sight of their drunk coworkers.

hailey finds jay’s heated green gaze easily. he’s sitting on a stool at the bar counter and shooting her an amused smile. her plan to sneak away has already failed before it’s even started. kevin and adam are nearby and kim and vanessa gravitate towards them on instinct. when hailey doesn’t move, vanessa doubles back and drags her blonde partner so she doesn’t attempt an escape.

“how was the night out ladies?” adam questions with a smirk.

vanessa is nearly vibrating with excitement. “amazing! god, i missed clubbing.”

“i’m still offended we weren’t invited,” kevin adds, pretending to be annoyed, “ruzek and i know how to bust a move.”

kim orders a water from herrmann as she laughs (she drank one too many bottles and it’s starting to hit her hard). “i can attest to that. it’s something everyone deserves to see before they die.”

“no doubt,” kevin smirks, nudging his brunette best friend. “what about you, hailey? enjoy yourself?”

hailey’s neck snaps up to make eye contact; she was once again deep in her thoughts. “oh yeah, it was great.”

“she says with limited enthusiasm,” jay narrates sarcastically.

hailey feels oddly sober.

“sorry,” she shakes her head, avoiding eye contact. “i’m just really tired. think i’m going to call it a night.”

vanessa instantly frowns. “do you want me to head home with you?”

hailey can see how much vanessa doesn’t want to end the night; this entire night was her idea in the first place and she can see stella and sylvie setting up the karaoke machine. this night was definitely far from over.

“no, no, i’m okay!” hailey reassures her with a forced, bright smile. “i’ll see you all tomorrow morning!”

she catches adam’s disapproving eye, as if he knows more than she does, but she ignores it.

“i’ll drive you home,” jay offers, just as she is about to leave the bar. he’s hurriedly draining the remainder of his beer bottle and grabbing his jacket.

hailey frowns (but notices kim and vanessa’s identical grins). “no jay, i’m okay. i’ll call an uber.”

jay scoffs. “you are not calling an uber,” he replies with distaste, “and you are not arguing with me about this.”

hailey promptly closes her mouth and shoots him an annoyed glare instead. “goodnight you two,” kim bids goodbye with a cheeky smirk, “be safe out there!”

the blonde detective rolls her eyes at her friend’s antics and silently follows jay to his truck parked across the street. he usually doesn’t drink more than one or two beers specifically so he is still sober enough to drive home and not have to leave his vehicle overnight. and it always helps to be able to drive his coworkers home whenever they need to unwind with a few extra drinks.

jay can tell that hailey is unusually quiet, especially with her silence during the car ride home. it seems like the girls all had a good night, so he isn’t sure what is up with all her mysteriousness.

“did you have a good night?” he asks again for the sake of conversation. they aren’t far from her place but the silence is killing him.

hailey steals a glance at him and his passive expression. “yeah, it was nice.”

“why so quiet?” he eventually asks. “did something happen?”

she lets out a dry laugh. “no, not really.” he doesn’t look convinced in the slightest. “no, it’s just girl talk. they were teasing me about you.”

“about me?” jay smirks. “what about me?”

hailey rolls her eyes at his childishness. “something about the way you look at me; heart-eyes or some weird shit like that.”

to her surprise, jay doesn’t give a visible reaction. he seems to almost agree. “you are pretty amazing and sometimes i can’t help myself.”

jay pulls into her driveway.

“what else did they say?”

now hailey is blushing and finding it hard to meet his eyes.

“something about my feelings for you.”

he places the truck in park and looks at her with hopeful green eyes.

“is there?” he asks. “are there? feelings, i mean.”

hailey notices his body language and mentally decides it’s most likely safe to be completely honest with him. “yes,” she replies, hardly even thinking about it. “i mean, there’s something.”

a smile spreads across jay’s features. “that’s good. i say that because i really do look at you with heart-eyes.”

“what are you saying?”

“i’m saying i like you hailey, and i think you like me too.”

it’s hailey’s turn to smile and she feels the rush of alcohol rise back up into her head.

“everyone else seems to think so too. looks like we’re the last ones to know it.”