#but then it turned into chatfic

[bananakarenina]

17 and Fleggie??

every time we lie awake

flynn taylor has never had a normal-person sleep schedule, and her schedule as a dj doesn't really help matters. weddings, parties, clubs; she's all work and no play and sleeps in the middle of the day because that's the grind, baby.

so she's always up late, and there's this guy--well, she assumes it's a guy; his tumblr username is nerfherderhero and she's pretty sure she's seen some posts referencing his pronouns--who seems to have the same late-night schedule she does; he's always reblogging funny dog videos on her dash at just the right time and adding amazing tags to star wars posts (she still hasn't stopped laughing about him calling kylo ren "evil emo mayonnaise")

they have this funny little tumblr mutual relationship--the thing is, they have so much in common; he's always posting cool music for her to explore (she adds a LOT to her playlists, it's awesome) and he reblogs every artistic photo of food she uploads. (she has a whole series of ironic portraits of the stuff she orders from in-n-out; it's pretty hilarious if she does say so herself.)

they chat through tags. nerfherder is so off-the-wall funny; he says the most random things and flynn fucking loves it. he also has excellent taste in music.

julie starts giving her A Look whenever flynn mentions "my tumblr friend".

whatever! flynn is allowed to have friends she doesn't like. Know Personally. that's what the internet is for!

except there comes a two-week stretch where nerfherderhero kind of goes quiet. flynn even checks to make sure he didn't change his username but that's not it--he's just. not posting at the moment. no queue, no reblogs. her artistically-arranged chili dog photo goes un-noticed.

it's fine. flynn is Fine About It. he's probably just busy!

it's just rough because julie is also away, on tour with her new band--she met this group of dudes at college and has been spending all of her time writing songs with the guitarist (writing songs. suuuure, says flynn, and julie sticks her tongue out on their facetime call.)

flynn taylor has never been a coward, though (well, much of a coward) so she takes that terrifying internet friend plunge and pulls up a direct message.

hey--this is awkward but uh. hi! i just i just noticed that you're not around as much anymore which is totally your right obviously good for you for digitally detoxing lol i just--i miss you

she doesn't add the exclamation point even though it would make her seem more unaffected.

because the thing is: she's affected.

carrie laughs at her when she brings it up at brunch. it's not actually a mean laugh, despite it being carrie.

"only you would manage to crush on someone you don't even talk to," she says, sipping her passionfruit mimosa.

"better than when i had a crush on you," flynn retorts, but carrie just laughs again.

it all comes to a head when she facetimes julie late one night after a dj gig. she's wired, and there are no posts from Han Solo (which is unfortunately what flynn is now calling him in her head), and she just wants to mope with her best friend.

"oh, god, not you too," julie says. "reggie's all whiny because he broke his phone and we're in the middle of nowhere right now, so there aren't many places to go to fix it or get a new one. he's miserable. he keeps asking to borrow our phones to log into tumblr, of all things. something about his friend rapunzel."

"what."

flynn's username is remixingrapunzel bc she's flynn and she's a dj and also her braids are really long.

"yeah, he's like totally obsessed with her. them? i'm...not actually sure."

"her."

and julie's forehead wrinkles on her phone screen.

"how do you know?"

"um."

and the whole thing comes spilling out. han solo, funny captions on her in-n-out fries, the humiliating "i miss you" message that was never returned.

julie's eyes just keep getting wider.

"hang on," she says, and turns to yell over her shoulder. "reggie!"

there's a scuffle and julie hissing "come ON" and a long sigh, and then, sitting with julie, is the cutest boy flynn has ever seen in her actual life. he's got dark hair and nice freckles and right now he seems kind of sad, but oh my god, he's so so cute.

she can't help herself.

"nerfherder?" she says, tentatively.

his eyes lighten and it almost makes up for the last two weeks of misery.

"rapunzel," he breathes, and flynn has a feeling there are even more late nights in her future.

she's more than fine with that.

[fakemichaelsheen]

-the south downs cottage-

crowley, sipping wine: hey, guess what?

aziraphale, reading: hmm?

crowley, smirking: maude is getting a divorce

aziraphale, puts the book down: really? oh, good. roger treated her awfully

crowley, nodding: I heard he was having an affair. with hilary!

aziraphale, gasps: no! *shakes his head* I knew there was a reason she wasn't attending the knitting circle

crowley, pouring more wine: so I told maude she can do so much better

aziraphale, smitten: of course you did

crowley, thoughtful: you know, that's the third marriage that's ended since we moved here *chuckles* maybe it's us

aziraphale, shrugs: perhaps they're looking at you and realising they'll never have perfection

crowley, impressed: smooth

aziraphale, reaches for his hand: you're not the only one capable of romance

crowley, kisses his hand: apparently not *pauses* it's hot

aziraphale, rolls his eyes playfully: I have one chapter left

crowley: *smug*

[sabotourist]

between 25 and 54

This fucking chapter is 8k words. We just kept writing it and words kept happening!

But hey! New chapter of the chorus trilogy chatfic, 'laughter is a decent opioid,' written by @illusion-of-sea-axes and me! This time: betting pools and car chases! Enjoy!

[noahtally-famous]

music duo ella and beardo! ella sings/does the vocals, beardo beat-boxes the tune/music and/or creates synth pop stuff with his dj equipment

topher hypes them up by mentioning them in like every video on his vlog and/or social media he has

[dogboyhudson]

sorry but i love a chatfic im shameless about it

heres another drawing of Kurt, Finn and Sam with their nails done!

this is again from @fake-charliebrown 's "a big part of being in glee club is hating the glee club"

[poughkeepsies]

bts.... saw,,.,,,,, au......?!!

care to elaborate?????????????

it was a piece of fanfiction where the seven members of bts were abducted and brought to a secluded location where they had to solve clues to survive various traps and they were taken out one by one until only one remained this feels pretty self explanatory

[backpackingspace]

ban Yue would not brag in the disciple group chat that she's the favorite because she really does try to be a moral person teacher would be proud of at all times but that's okay because hua cheng makes it well know that's she's the favorite

[fuctacles]

A tale as old as time

For @subeddieweek Day 7 | M | 2696 | cw: age gap (about 25-30y difference, Eddie's age is not stated, Steve's aligns with canon) | camboy Eddie, transmasc Eddie, kinda sugar daddy Steve?, modern AU, simp Steve, virgin Eddie, chatfic, pre-anything, gray ace Eddie | Ao3 Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3 | Day 4 | Day 5 | Day 6 | Day 7 | Ao3

"Hawkins High '86? How old is this guy?" Eddie asks himself, his eyebrows raised. There is a letterman in front of him, a gift from one of his top subscribers. Hell, his top subscriber. His number-one fan, who was responsible for about half of his revenue.

He's opened a PO box recently, with no little amount of worry about what kind of stuff he might get. He only gave the address to his top subscribers but he knew that the ones with the most money were usually the most unhinged. He went to the post office with his heart in his throat but all he got was a set of lingerie, a toy, and the letterman he was now holding.

He tried not to think about what kind of people would pay for his content. As long as he was making money he didn't care. But now he got a piece of one of them in his hands. Staring back.

1986.

Meaning the guy must be nearing 60. Double Eddie's age. 

He tries to imagine that. An older guy, with wrinkles, maybe a beer belly, a gross old t-shirt, and his hand permanently in his sweats, beating it to his photos. 

It was gross. And in a way, alluring.

Though someone with so much money to spend on a camboy must have a well-paying job. Some rich asshole, exploiting others to do the work for him. That's a more likely scenario. He tries not to think about big, rough hands on him when he puts on the jacket and takes pics for Shar.

He edits them a bit before sending them, knowing the guy will get a kick from seeing him in his jacket. The appeal of wearing your boyfriend's letterman eluded him in high school, but being claimed like that gave him a heady feeling. The fact that the guy could be his father apparently worked for him too. 

He doesn't put his phone away fast enough and sees the message that pops up.

Shar: So hot. You look like every repressed teen jock's dream

Shar: Definitely like mine

Eddie thinks a moment about his response, channeling the persona he takes on for the camera. 

PuppetOfMasters: Would I be your dirty secret?

PuppetOfMasters: Would you fuck me in the locker room behind your girlfriend's back?

Shar: I'd make YOU my girlfriend

Shar: Wait no

Shar: NOT LIKE THAT

Shar: A girlfriend but in a manly way

Eddie snorts.

You're good, he types. I know what you mean, don't worry.

He wouldn't keep around someone who didn't respect him. Besides, he made it clear he's saving for a transition with his Only Fans.

Thank god, Shar types. I respect who you are 

Shar: In fact, I spend so much money on you because of it. 

Eddie rolls onto his other side, his mood souring. One of those trans fetishists, then. That's fine, as long as he's being respectful and paying... Even if it leaves an unpleasant taste in his mouth. 

Ah, a connoisseur! Well, I hope I'm your favorite tranny, then, he jokes. He waits for an answer, but it doesn't come for a long while, so he flips his phone screen down and turns away, hoping for sleep.

A response is waiting for him when he wakes up. 

Shar: I guess it sounded that way, but I'm not that kind of pervert. You're the only trans sex worker I follow, but not the only trans person I've sent money to.

Eddie sauntered to the bathroom, not taking his eyes off his phone. He wonders if continuing the conversation is even the right move. He's talked to one too many guys who thought sending him a dick pick was okay after ten minutes of small talk between a content creator and a fan.

But he's kind of curious. When he has money to spare, he sends some change to other trans folks to help out, because he knows how hard it is from his own experience. But why Shar, a seemingly loaded old guy, would spend his money on queers instead of, let's say, starving children?

PuppetOfMasters: So you're just an ally with cash? Or is there more to it? I'm curious.

He goes through his morning routine, washing his face, and brushing his teeth, not expecting Shar to get back to him any time soon. So he's surprised when he picks his phone back up and a response is waiting.

Shar: Long story short, I hope my father is rolling in his grave while I spend his inheritance on people he hated so much.

That's not what Eddie expected at all. 

PuppetOfMasters: So I'm a means of rebellion against your bigoted dead father? I'll take that. I hate rich assholes

Shar: Me too

They don't talk for the whole day after that, but when Eddie's done running errands and editing in the evening, he looks back at the letterman hanging on the door of his wardrobe. 

How is sending me your letterman an act of rebellion? he asks. Because he's a curious little shit. 

The response comes fast like the guy is glued to his Only Fans chat. Gross. Eddie wonders briefly if he's talking with other sex workers there.

Shar: A souvenir of his precious high school fetishized on a queer ssex worker? He'd die if he hadn't already

So it is a fetish thing! Eddie smiles triumphantly at his phone.

Shar: Okay, fine

Shar: Sticking it to my father is just a bonus for you being really hot. 

Shar: And I do love seeing you in my letterman, I've jerked off to it three times already

Shar: is that what you wanted to hear?

Eddie grins, rolling on his bed.

PuppetOfMasters: Yes 

Shar: So yeah, I'm an old man who peaked in high school, laugh it up

PuppetOfMasters: I'd rather you peaked in me

Shar: Insufferable

Shar: Menace

Shar: Yeah, I'd love that. A man can dream, right?

Eddie bites his lip. How far is too far? The guy seems genuine and after the amount of creeps that's been chatting him up, he thinks his creep radar is quite good. Tentatively, he starts typing.

PuppetOfMasters: I don't know. I think people would like seeing me get railed by an older guy

Shar: An old guy, you mean

Shar: You'd make a video with me?

PuppetOfMasters: I record most of the sex I have, yes

Shar: Huh. I've never seen one before, then

PuppetOfMasters: warm, warmer

Shar: ... There aren't any?

PuppetOfMasters: din ding ding! ya boy is a virgin

Shar: shit

Shar: fuck

Shar: that's so hot

Shar: you'd let me?

PuppetOfMasters: Would I let my best-paying subscriber be my first time on camera? Probably

Not necessarily to be released but he couldn't lose the possibility of such golden content in case it was watchable. 

Shar: I'd better keep my spot then. Just in case.

PuppetOfMasters: No worries, you seem the most trustworthy so far anyway.

But as he types it, a new notification appears. Shar sent him a hefty tip on one of his photos.

PuppetOfMasters: That's really not necessary

PuppetOfMasters: But I hope your father is kicking and screaming in his coffin

Shar: I fucking hope so

----

It takes Eddie another day to google Hawkins High's yearbook photos. He'd thought about it before but didn't want to break the bubble of anonymity between himself and his fan. But the thoughts of big hands on his hips, and beard rubbing against his neck, took root in his brain and were tainting his mind.

Not fully in tune with his body and distrustful of others, Eddie has been single for most of his life. And now his stupid horny brain was drooling at the thought of losing his virginity to a grandpa on the internet. 

Hoping it would help his thoughts calm down, he looks through the photos from the year 1986, in search of a Harrington. And he finds him.

Steve Harrington. Basketball captain and swim team co-captain. His hairdo was magnificent and his smile was self-confident. Eddie would hate him in high school. Should probably hate him now. So he expands his search further, beyond the Hawkins High memory lane.

He finds one single photo on a LinkedIn profile. 

The current Steve Harrington's hair is no less magnificent, just peppered with silver. He wears glasses now, which accentuate the line of his jaw and make his neatly trimmed facial hair pop out. He's wearing a yellow jacket and a white golf, which should be hideous but weirdly, works for him. Eddie doesn't get to see his eyes, unfortunately. The photo looks like a candid photo shoot take-out after someone told him a joke. His head is tilted down, eyes scrunched and lips pulled in a smile, as a bubbling laugh got immortalized on camera.

Eddie shouldn't be finding a sixty-year-old man this endearing. 

PuppetOfMasters: I like your LinkedIn photo

PuppetOfMasters: Well, I hope it's you. 

PuppetOfMasters: Steve, right?

He can't forget about this for the whole day, not as he budgets his income, and especially not when he records a short video jerking off in the shower. He tries not to look at his phone but it's his only one, so he does while trying to budget in a second one, just for sex work. Maybe then he wouldn't be feeling so insane about not getting a response from a stranger who is an old pervert spending loads of money on him. 

He tries to be normal when a chat notification finally pops up. 

Shar: If you saw the golf and yellow jacket photo, that's me

Shar: though please don't make me type my full name in here.

no worries, Eddie types back so fast he should be embarrassed. It's a good photo.

Shar: Thanks. My best friend took it 

PuppetOfMasters: Your friend has a good eye

Shar: I'll let her know

Shar: I'm surprised it took you this long to search me up

Eddie's surprised too. Usually, his curiosity would take over him sooner.

PuppetOfMasters: I tried not to pry. But I had to in case we were gonna meet up one day

Shar: So you were serious?

Shar: I've been wondering if you sweet-talk all your followers like that 

PuppetOfMasters: Only the ones that don't send me dick pics

Shar: I knew holding back would pay off

Eddie snorts at his phone. 

Though I might need one before we meet up, he types. Gotta know what I'm working with

Shar: Right. Of course

Shar: So how would that work?

Eddie hasn't thought about it this far.

PuppetOfMasters: I need to read about OF's policy on collabs. Never had to before, since I work solo. Would probably have to hire you, well, sign a commission/gig contract or something like that. So it's all legal and shit.

Shar, Steve, doesn't answer for a long while, and it might be the end of his devirginizing journey. Well, if the guy doesn't want to make this legal, put his name on some paperwork, then he isn't trustworthy, and that's the end of it.

It's half an hour later and Eddie's bitten all his nails off trying not to follow up with any messages and focus on anything else when an answer finally comes.

Shar: Sorry my friend was bothering me

Shar: this sounds more complicated than I anticipated. So I would be like, a co-creator, then?

PuppetOfMasters: Precisely

Shar: Holy shit okay

Shar: Thought I'd be you know, less involved

Though you could hit it and quit it, huh? Eddie scrunched his nose. What was he getting himself into? Gods.

Shar: If that's what you wanted I'd take it

Eddie shouldn't be blushing over this one. It's like he's throwing the man scraps and he's licking them up.

PuppetOfMasters: Simp

Shar: I am what I am

Shar: With that said, I'm willing to make it work. Do all the paperwork you need

PuppetOfMasters: Doing paperwork just to fuck me? so romantic

Shar: I suck at paperwork so my friend would be doing it anyway

Shar: If that's okay

PuppetOfMasters: I think it's best if someone looks it over, yeah

Eddie hesitates for a moment.

PuppetOfMasters: That friend doesn't happen to be your wife?

Fuck no, comes the immediate response

Shar: I'm perpetually single and she's as gay as they come. 

PuppetOfMasters: Good. Wouldn't want to be the other girl

Shar: If I had the chance you'd be the only one

PuppetOfMasters: Jesus.

Eddie squeezes his legs together unconsciously.

PuppetOfMasters: Stop sweet talking me, I've already agreed to fuck

Shar: But we haven't signed anything yet. Even then, I'll keep sweet-talking you. It's what you deserve. 

For the first time, Eddie thinks he might not survive their meeting. And not because of the possible killer scenario. Thankfully, Steve gets back to business talk.

Shar: How would this work, legal stuff aside? Do you script this?

PuppetOfMasters: Do I look like I script shit?

Shar: I'm not the one with Only Fans

PuppetOfMasters: Fair. I think we could just set up cameras and do whatever we feel like. Then decide together if the footage will be released or not. 

Shar: Sounds reasonable

Shar:When would you want to do this?

When?

Eddie hasn't thought that far. In fact, he felt like he hadn't been thinking for the past couple of days. 

I'm the sole god of my schedule so I'm open to anything, he types evasively.

Shar: I have some time off next month, could fly to wherever you need me

Next month seemed close. Extremely close. Or maybe it wasn't? He never worked with anyone before. Hell, he didn't even have that many friends to meet up with. 

Next month works I guess, he answers despite his nerves.

Shar: Wanna face time before we start the legal work?

His nerves escalate, making his mouth dry. He reminds himself he's done this before, he's on camera all the time. 

PuppetOfMasters: Like, right now?

Shar: Yeah?

PuppetOfMasters: Ok, give me five minutes.

Eddie shoots up, checks himself in the mirror, and finds a good angle for his phone to set up. He lowkey hopes Steve picks up with his dick in the frame so Eddie can block him with a clear conscience and forget about the whole thing. When six minutes from his last message pass, he hits 'call'.

"Hi," Eddie squeaks when the video connects. Steve Harrington's arms are in the frame, crossed on the desk, and toned where he's leaning on them.

"Hi," he greets him with a dazzling smile. 

It is the guy from the photo, so at least he's not being catfished. And he has none of the creepy simp energy Eddie feared. He's just... a guy. It's both a relief and a disappointment. 

"Well?" the guy asks.

"Well, what?" Eddie frowns. 

"Are you disappointed? Am I too old?"

Eddie looks at him properly. His hair is lighter on the sides, but not grey yet, and the video quality doesn't make any wrinkles stand out to him. Maybe some worry lines, crow's feet if he squints. He looks like he keeps in shape, too. Eddie wouldn't call him old. Mature, maybe. A DILF slowly transforming into a Silver Fox. 

"You look fine. Good. You look good. Attractive," Eddie fumbles with his words and barely stops himself from facepalming. This is why he mostly texts.

Steve smirks at him. And holy shit, a dude twice his age smirking at him shouldn't be doing things to his body.

"You sure? You're not gonna block me after we hang up, are you?"

Eddie shakes his head.

"I stand by our plans. You're passing my creep radar so far, but uh..." He scratches his cheek nervously. "I'd like to keep in touch in case, you know. A red flag pops up. I hope you get it."

Steve nods, his expression growing serious.

"Absolutely. We're strangers, after all."

"Yeah." Eddie nods, relieved. It would give him ample time and opportunities to back out.

On the screen, Steve leans more on his arms, closer to the camera. 

"So I think dick assessment is next on the checklist?"

Eddie might not even survive video calls with this guy, after all. 

[agendabymooner]

MASTERLIST by agendabymooner

note: what i had done so far... i think?

legends/genre:

a = angst g = general fic hc = hurt/comfort h = humour

s = smut (minors, dni) mc = mature content (minors, dni) f = fluff

ALSO CHECK OUT:

MOONY'S CHARACTER DIRECTORY

MOONY'S FILIPINO CHARACTERS DIRECTORY

alex albon (aa23)

keeper, smau: polly berkshire has obscure interactions with her thirsty boyfriend and it's safe to say that they love each other.

fernando alonso (fa14)

the breakup and makeup series

time to rock and roll, fic: the first time beatrice staedtlander and fernando alonso had broken up. (hc)

heaven, smau: back in 2000s, fernando alonso and beatrice anastasia 'trish' staedtlander were every racing and wrestling fans' couple. years after, trish alonso became a mother and a wife... and the grid's crush of the season. fernando was certainly not happy so what's a better way to remind everyone that he was hers? (f, g, h)

from the ground up, smau: tino and tiago alonso were the twins that trish had given birth to at the age of 40, and everyone understood now why she didn't make it to the 2024 canadian gp. (f)

bonnie and the fame

maneater, smau: bonnie catherine sutton was carlos sainz's ex-girlfriend who returned to the f1 scene as a different woman. turns out, she's fernando alonso's fiancée (f)

ego, smau: never underestimate a woman's self-esteem, it might end up wounding you more than it would her.

jenson button (jb22)

the mr. darcy type, smau: much like the popular love interest, jenson should have known better than to say things that wouldn't impress a woman he grew interested in. OR ada abbott made sure that he worked hard for her time and attention. (f)

affection, blurb: in which, jenson learned that he should just say it without being a little too drunk.

pierre gasly (pg10)

newsflash, smau: ensley soleil doesn’t like playboys. too bad, pierre gasly’s down bad for her (attention and love). (f, g, h)

lowkey, smau: fans thought that pierre moved on from ensley four months after publicly declaring his (love?) for her. funnily enough... (f, g, h)

indigo, chatfic + smau: there's really no reason for pierre gasly to be jealous over some man that ensley wrote 'high school in jakarta' about. not when she wrote one or more songs about the frenchman. (f)

high school in jakarta, fic: meeting ensley’s close friends would also mean that he’d have to meet her high school sweetheart, who he believed he couldn’t compete against until ensley ensured that his two-day attendance wouldn’t be spoiled by some guy who couldn’t let go of some memories she couldn’t even remember. 

dancing with the devil, smau: ensley soleil doesn't care about what people are saying about her relationship with pierre especially now that she's married to him. (f)

do i make you nervous, blurb: lesson learned: just date her first rather than being friendly in the bed.

lewis hamilton (lh44)

stevie and lewis (hearth sister!ofc)

thick and thin, smau + fic: lewis should know better than underestimating her and her capabilities to yearn for him for years. (hc)

where the bad girls are (kpop idol!ofc)

lifted, smau: lewis is married to a kpop idol who happened to be one of the girls to shape the image of female groups in the korean pop community.

melody series (x ofc)

summary: with her sharp eyes focused on her audience, a burlesque performer who went under the name of melody returned to rythme romantique, an entertainment lounge which exclusively caters to the wealthiest people of monaco — or in this case, to the people with a status that are recognized by all. her three exclusive performances were meant to be a closure for her connections in the principality. still, a certain formula one driver saw it as an opportunity to reconnect with his former flame after two years of her absence. felicity vos learned that this was a rich man’s world and that he could do whatever he wanted, but she also realized that the agreement they settled on years ago was corrupted the moment he expressed his love for her. 

one, million dollar man: monaco was a world of glitz and glamour that she left two years ago. returning to the principality clearly was a huge mistake as she found herself talking to the man who swore to nothing but his love for her.

two, this is what makes us girls: "decorum isn't something you can buy with money or fame." or what did lewis really want from her and why did he show up on the second night of her performance?

charles leclerc (cl16)

of long lines and names, fic: five kids with (almost) five names under six years. OR the three pregnancies that charles had witnessed told him how motherhood and memories could come in two sets of twins and a boy that looked so much like him. (f)

the leclerc daycare, fic: before his last set of twins were born, charles had to watch his boys on his own (not exactly by himself when he's got esteban and pierre acting as his right hand men). (f)

lando norris (ln4)

london boy, smau: nicola 'cola' alessandro moved to britain and what's a better way to introduce yourself to england than taking a trip around with a certain mclaren driver? (f, g, h)

i think he knows, smau: grazia nichols published her debut novel based off formula one, and a fan could have sworn that the the book bf - nolan langford - was based off of lando's character as a driver altogether. (f, g, h)

honey, honey smau series (x ofc)

summary: hannah-sue ‘honey’ lewis is so much like her sideman brother with the exception of the fact that she didn’t watch formula one as much as she used to back when she had her crush on mercedes driver michael schumacher in 2010.

introduction

one, who tf is lando norris: she knows who she idolizes (and have a crush on; mason mount), she knows that she’s looking forward to getting the hell out of the university after two years of her masters degree program, and she knows that she doesn’t care about the formula one teams that aren't mercedes amg - she also knows she cares about mick schumacher.

esteban ocon (eo31)

the royal wildcard, smau: the british media's good at getting the juiciest details of gossip from the palace, but much to their dismay, princess albertine spencer followed the footsteps of her brother harry and had done an amazing job at hiding her marriage with a certain alpine driver for three months. (f, g, h)

the royal resemblance, smau: albertine ocon lived to give her estranged family something to talk about because of her physical appearance that could be confused with her mother's ghost. too bad, ditty ocon was born into the world with the same heart attack-inducing features.

sergio perez (sp11)

she's beauty, she's grace, smau: in which carmella ayala perez, the miss universe 2018 winner, tied the knot with checo after their five years of relationship and the birth of their second child.

oscar piastri (op81)

jollibee, madrid and all that romantic fiasco, smau: paloma san pedro is carlos sainz's cousin-in-law who also introduced oscar to his newly found filipino fast food chain addiction. safe to say that he bought a ticket last minute just so he can obsess over her, too.

kimi raikkonen (kr7)

stop the world i wanna get off with you, smau: vera 'coppa' coppola-raikkonen is the only one who can make the iceman talk a lot. she's also the only one who can make the chatty versions of him as their three older children (romania, rooney and johann-lauri) make their presence known to the racing community. (f, g, h)

daniel ricciardo (dr3)

rush series (x måneskin member!ofc)

read your diary, smau: it's 2021 and everyone thinks that lester and daniel are dating. lesson learned: never underestimate a fan's investigation skills. (g)

mamma mia, smau: an interview with jimmy fallon gives a brief idea of how lester and daniel came to be. (g)

mamma mia (again), smau: a youtube playlist was created to compile clips of danny talking way too much about his beloved girlfriend (f)

gossip, smau: everyone thinks lester's only here to be a formula one girlfriend with a bad reputation. it's not her fault she's confident. (mc, hc, h)

kool kids, smau: lester and daniel are going to new york to see a musical... while babysitting their "kid" (feat. lando norris) (g, h)

timezone, fic: lester wasn't normally like this, but she's more than willing to pay twice the price just to get to the next flight to where he wanted her: his arms, her home. (hc)

if not for you, smau: messages exchanged between lester and others as she takes care of the wolff children and an ex with the poorest decisions to have existed. (feat. lando norris, max verstappen, charles leclerc and characters from a story) (f, g, h)

baby said, smau: many tweets are posted that they don't often mean. their fans thought that his marriage proposal was one of them. (f, g, h)

supermodel, smau: how not to cry when you're talking about the man who'd give you the wedding that you dreamed of? (f, g, h)

rush series: wedding special

london bridge, smau: the alessandro-ricciardo wedding week is nothing of a peaceful week, and the monday only proved that thought right. (feat. f1 drivers) (f, h) - wedding special 1

fergalicious, smau: the grid singles need to touch some grass… or in lando’s case, go swimming. (feat. f1 drivers) (h) - wedding special 2

l'azienda di famiglia (e le donnole dell'isola), smau + fic: the alessandro family arrived and lando and george found themselves alone with two of the sisters. (feat. lando norris and george russell) (f, g) - wedding special 3

rush: mrs. ricciardo special

part of you, smau: mrs. lester ricciardo asks her followers what to get her husband for his 35th birthday. little did danny know, she’s already got one ready to surprise him (f, g)

when emma falls in love, smau: as her pregnancy progressed, lester ricciardo made sure that her sanity wouldn't go the other way as she posted a thread of journal entries talking about her pregnancy. (f, h)

slipping through my fingers, smau: beau ricciardo was his dad's carbon copy and his mom's little heartbreaker.

george russell (gr63)

his family and her lover, smau: eleanora 'nora' alessandro was more than happy for george's willingness to step up as her children's father regardless of how people poorly reacted on their relationship.

carlos sainz jr. (cs55)

ride home, smau: the ferrari driver accidentally outed himself as a married man, so mona magdalena sainz stepped in to say hi to his loyal fans. (f, g, h) (extra)

dear, smau: nobody loved each other more than magda and carlos sainz. OR a series of tweets in which magda and carlos never took each other seriously. (h)

mick schumacher (ms47)

she's everything... and he's just mick, smau: barbara 'barbie' blanco is the vettel family's foster child that gradually turned to kimi vettel's nanny and mick's crush? (f, g)

"besties", smau: everyone swore that mick and barbie are more than "babysitting pardners" (f)

who is kenough, smau: mick nearly took the piss from arthur leclerc after the posts that the monegasque had of barbie. too bad, mick was already hers before arthur could even try.

kenergy unfolded, fic: written version of who is kenough OR arthur leclerc was only scheming just so mick could do something about revealing his relationship with barbie.

lance stroll (ls18)

gotta be you, smau: bora mckinnon made her presence known in the paddock one year after lance broke up with her. now, they're all over the media because of his presence in her three birthday celebrations. the question still stands: are they getting back together?

yuki tsunoda (yt22)

line without a hook, smau: pia ellis misses her mystery bf that everyone thought to be her delusions. it turns out he's a formula one driver who definitely misses her too.

max verstappen (mv1)

to loathe and to love series (x ofc) (wip)

summary: there is a massive difference between the two words, but sylvie was more than willing to blur out the line if it means for her to spend some time with what others called her soulmate, max verstappen.

one, it’s time to go: sylvie attended a christmas party and couldn’t seem to do what she normally did on the paddock: avoid max (a)

two, closure: her memories haunted her so much that the red bull team principal thought of her to be incompetent, so it was only ideal of max to face the music too. (a)

three, goodnight n go: she wasn't sure what was more surprising: toto's presence on her graduation celebration or max's expensive graduation gifts. (f)

four, gorgeous: there's nothing more satisfying than seeing christian horner own up to his own mistake. that, and max's office-warming gift that he dropped off in sylvie's new on-site office.

five, cinema: sylvie was left feeling unsure when she and max did things that friends normally wouldn't do after she was broken up with by another man. (hc, mc, s)

six, satellite: max verstappen might've avoided talking about what they had done before all of this, but he was certain he wouldn't get out of his way just to ignore her as he swore not to her one way or another ever again. (a, hc)

seven, mean: sylvie found herself with a million and a half pounds and winning against the boys who brought her racing career to an early end.

eight, long story short: they're friends, they said. they bought a house and adopted a dog together, they definitely did.

nine, mastermind: max wasn't going to admit that he was jealous. he wasn't going to tell her that he sabotaged her blind date, either. not that she didn't know.

ten, comfort crowd: ah yes, the first monday of may. when everyone speculated that sylvie was merely using him and when she finally admitted to missing him for the past four years.

eleven, matilda: they don't know much, maybe, but they know how they'll raise their children away from the toxicity that they grew up in, all thanks to their fathers who did nothing but set expectations. (hc)

extra: matilda volume two, smau: set years after the tltl series in which sylvie and max have the most adorable set of kids called emilia, lila and maximilian. (f)

to loathe and to love: extras (x ofc)

lost in japan, smau: just two lost souls (with a tour guide) travelling to japan to make up for the childhood they missed. (f)

sebastian vettel (sv5)

crazy rich wife, smau: everyone (some twitter account) wonders where the recently retired german driver had gone to after the 2022 season. thank god for bel vettel, his fans now know that he’s still alive and is being spoiled and pampered by his wife. (f, g)

sweet spoiled husband (+ son), smau: mick schumacher is a grown man that both bel and seb treat like their own child. (f, g)

sweet spoiled schatzi, smau: bel and seb introduce the newest addition to their little family, and mick seems to love kimi vettel as much as a godfather loves his godchild. (f)

sweet little similarities, smau: bel and everyone could tell that kimi vettel was becoming more like his father, sebastian's, carbon copy as days went on. (f, g, h)

sebastian and sons (and soufflés), fic: day in the life of a retired sebastian vettel, featuring his kids kimi and barbie (and a nervous mick). (f)

toto wolff

colour me your colour series (x ofc) (wip)

summary: tilly marie nearly loses faith in her passion as she refuses to listen to everyone who told her to quit. everyone but one. and it’s the man she met years ago at a racing event she didn’t want to attend. who would have thought that her father’s partial ownership of three brands could take her to the zone of Mercedes and meet the love of her life?

one, what a beautiful sight that was: it was 2006 and she wanted nothing but to finish her research paper. their curiosity led them to a fifteen minute conversation that they would need to continue eight years after. (g)

two, tilly marie wants to go to hell: it's 2014 and she attended the british gp as a communication liaison for red bull. she didn't know that the man she met years ago was the team principal of mercedes, the rival team that her best friend drives for. lewis hamilton was more than amused to see her flustered, if you were to ask him. (g)

three, juliet's hit list: how can one give the heart eyes? daniel and lewis found tilly and toto flirting behind the cameras and behind the press audience and decided to mess with them. (g)

four, fast lane but not the race weekend kind: daniel and lewis might as well be attending a sleepover if they keep asking tilly about her relationship with toto. (g)

five, how to romance and cry in the same day: tilly goes on a date with toto for the first time and learns about her father's intention to pass ownership to her. (a, f, g)

six, love on camera: tilly and toto have a bad habit of flirting not so subtly.

seven, age is just a number and love is just a shame: tilly, while she believed her mother was right about the age difference between her and a certain mercedes team principal, is sure that she isn't falling fast and hard for him.

colour me your colour: extras (x ofc)

the paddock's resident it girl, smau: besides from owning three of mercedes' competitors in the track and being the mercedes team principal's wife, she's also known as the cool girl of the paddock for her taste in fashion and husband. (f)

the paddock's lucky husband, smau: with him being spoon-fed with love from his children and wife, toto really couldn't ask for more. OR tilly wolff liked to talk about fashion but her family? she might as well write a whole book about them. (f)

the paddock's resident menace and the dame, smau: tilly wolff was presented with a damehood and her daughter tia, the girl who tends to act on her mischievous way (all thanks to toto), celebrated her 7th birthday during the silverstone gp week. fans recall her best moments in sky sports and media overall.

f1 drivers (general)

9 to 5 series (x characters) (spin-off of cmyc and rush)

summary: lorelei hester ‘lester’ alessandro is a bassist first and daniel ricciardo's partner second. but it seems like another role is added to her resume as she begins her weekend in baku as toto wolff’s children’s babysitter.

the original five and the playlist

one, baby names and text messages: lester receives a text message from an unknown number, only for her to offer max verstappen's seat to her boyfriend.

two, max's lowered iq and linkedin profiles: max tries to defend himself as he experiences the morning wrath of lester.

three, the most toto coded children: toto gets ready for the baku weekend by styling his daughter's hair and thinking that he could just stay at home and talk business with his kids.

four, papa, soren and tia's promise hug: lester's more worried that she'll mess up her duties and upset the father of the two wolff cubs.

five, the little weapons of destruction distraction: the first half of her babysitting day consisted of reading too much, learning the word 'accident' and daniel ricciardo being a bad influence on toto wolff's shy son.

[kanaokanzaki-op]

🏳‍🌈~LGBTQIA+ Headcanons KNY~🏳‍🌈

✨🏳‍🌈✨🏳‍🌈✨🏳‍🌈✨🏳‍🌈✨🏳‍🌈✨🏳‍🌈✨🏳‍🌈✨🏳‍🌈✨🏳‍🌈✨🏳‍🌈✨🏳‍🌈

Kamaboko Squad: 

Tanjiro Kamado:

-Pansexual

-Polyamorous

-Any pronouns

-Thought he was straight until he liked Zenitsu

Nezuko Kamado:

-Bisexual(Pref; Woman)

-She/her 

-Simps for woman so much(posters of them to)

-Everyone thought she was a lesbian with how much she jokes about Aoi and Kanao

Inosuke Hashibira:

-Pansexual

-Agender

-Any pronouns

-How’d he figure this out? No fucking clue he just guessed

Zenitsu Agatsuma:

-Bisexual(Pref: Men)

-He/him

-Thought he was straight and denied being Bisexual

-Cried to Tanjiro about his issues and they did so much research

Kanao Tsuyuri:

-Questioning everything(Still Queer)

-Polyamorous

-Any pronouns

-She didn’t know she was Ploynormous until after dating Genya and Tanjiro

Genya Shinazugawa:

-Demisexual

-Polyamorous

-Demiboy

-He/they

-Had the 2nd longest identity crisis

-Sanemi whacked him with a book over this, it lasted 4 years

Muichiro Tokito: 

-AroAce

-FTM

-He/him only.

-Smack talks about Yuichiro getting his genitals

-He glares down anyone who’s transphobic

Aoi Kanzaki:

-Straight Ally

-She’s a little confused, but she’s trying to understand

Senjuro Rengoku:

-Questioning

-He doesn’t understand too much either but he’s got the spirit. 

Spawns of Satan:

Shinobu Kocho:

-Asexual

-Sapphic

-She had a crush on some girl celebrities as a kid and denied it

Hakuji:

-Straight Ally

-Still dating his highschool sweetheart Koyuki

-Fights homophobes and transphobes

Gyutaro Shabana:

-Gay

-Nonbinary

-He/they/it

-Pretends to like girls, though it’s so obvious he’s gay

Kaigaku: 

-Aromantic

-Thought he was Aroace for the longest time

Ume Shabana:

-Biromantic

-She thought she was straight but turns out she’d love to date woman after someone asked her out

Yuichiro Tokito:

-AroAce

-MTF

-She/they

-Smack talks about Muichiro getting her genitals

-Likes her name so she never changed it

Teachers Club:

Giyuu Tomioka:

-Gay

-Demiromantic

-Never thought he was straight, just didn’t know the word gay

-Sabito was his first crush

Sanemi Shinazugawa: 

-Bisexual(Pref; Men)

-Will beat anyones ass for questioning him or Genya

-Thought he didn’t like woman until Kanae

Obanai Iguro:

-Demi-Aroace

-He/him

-Only likes Mitsuri, hates everyone else

-People think he’s trans but he’s not

Mitsuri Kanroji:

-Pansexual

-Any pronouns

-Has pulled the most bitches out of everyone in the group

Kyojuro Rengoku: 

-Asexual

-He/They/It

-Hasn’t really wanted sex despite seeing porn thanks to Tengen 

-Very romantic guy, only cute things

Tengen Uzui:

-Polyamorous

-He/him

-Loves his wives but jokes about homo shit all the time

-”Oh yeah my wives made these-” “YOU’RE NOT GAY???”

Gyomei Himejima:

-AroAce

-Any pronouns

-Cat lover, that says enough

✨🏳‍🌈✨🏳‍🌈✨🏳‍🌈✨🏳‍🌈✨🏳‍🌈✨🏳‍🌈✨🏳‍🌈✨🏳‍🌈✨🏳‍🌈✨🏳‍🌈✨🏳‍🌈

[Some may change and more will be added soon! Most of this only applies to the chatfic tbh-]

[beeing-stuupid]

follow up: so this is a partial chat fic yeah and i was reading in my living room but then my dad looked over my shoulder and kept asking me “who’s that” and my dog is next to me so i thought he was referring to her right but nO he gestured to my phone and was like “who are you texting”

who’s gonna tell the man i’m actually reading about polyarchives being adorable cuz it’s definitely not me

(for context my family is lowkey homophobic)

((another follow up on the homophobic thing: i’m actually getting mixed signals now cuz my aunt keeps trying to recommend me heartstopper (funnily enough i’ve already watched it) cuz i keep saying i haven’t watched it when she asks and she asks when my parents are there))

wtf i’m actually 10% thru the fic huhhh

(i’m that note i rec this tma fic it’s amazing)

[fairsweetlonging]

i love so much that tgcf sometimes will just turn into a chatfic, with chaotic private messages, group chats being made to talk trash, xie lian not having his contacts saved, lang qianqiu being that one person who always replies immediately, and mu qing canonically being chronically online and a lurker/instigator

[fakemichaelsheen]

:: series three crowley introduces aziraphale to his rebound boyfriend played by michael sheen with a moustache: the chatfic

-the ritz-

aziraphale: *enters*

crowley, sarcastic: well, well, well, if it isn't the supreme archangel. what an honour

aziraphale, sighs: I thought you weren't talking to me

crowley, sipping wine: oh, I'm not. just having a spot of lunch with my good buddy here *indicates his companion*

not!aziraphale who is just michael sheen wearing a bad wig and fake moustache, turns around: delighted to meet you, dear fellow

aziraphale, about to discover if angels are capable of having a stroke: ...

crowley, dismissive: goodbye

aziraphale, insistent: I have a reservation

crowley, shrugs: not anymore

aziraphale, huffs: fine. then I'll just join you *takes a chair and sits down*

not!aziraphale, smiling: so, you two know each other?

aziraphale, a bastard: you could say that

crowley, also a bastard: I thought we did

not!aziraphale, thoughtful: anthony hasn't mentioned you

crowley, quickly: I don't know him

aziraphale, smug: not what you said when you kissed me

crowley, splutters: ngk shut up

not!aziraphale: *looking between them like he's watching a tennis match*

not!aziraphale, oblivious: well, this is jolly good fun, isn't it?

crowley & aziraphale: *glaring at each other*

[tigermark]

hii! i came from the author notes from the jaehyun chatfic, and it required me to send a request(?) i'd like to request a secret night drive (whether a bike or a car or something silly like a stolen trolley from a girl scout and a bike to drag it) and i'd imagine it to be with any nct dream member tbh (they all give ride or die kind of vibe) ^^ this was all over the place but i hope you got an idea out of my yapping >><< ty in advance! <33

LMFAO THIS IS SO FUNNY thank you for requesting!!! i decided to do jeno because biker jeno is something else omg.. anyway i hope you enjoy!! 🫶

late night drive with jeno .˚⊹⁺ ‧

pairing : biker!jeno x reader

genre : fluff

synopsis : as the title/req says; jeno takes you on a late night drive on his motorcycle

tw : established relationship,

a/n : i was in the middle of writing thus and then i closed my tumblr on accident i nearly quit tbh 🫣 but yes pls keep requesting guyssss :3

jeno knew it was late, around 12 am, but he still showed up at your house. he knocked on your door, face lighting up when you opened it. he stood on your doorstep with a helmet, and you immediately know what entailed his visit.

"hi love, i know it's late but do you wanna go for a ride?" he asks, turning over his shoulder to point at his motorcycle. you follow his gaze before looking back at him and the helmet, nodding.

"sure, that sounds fun," you say with a smile, jeno's expression changing to one of relief and happiness. "let's go."

jeno hands you the helmet and you walk to his motorcycle where he puts his own helmet on. you struggle a bit to put yours on so he helps, "here let me do it love," he says as he puts the strap around your chin and buckles it. once its secured on, he pats your head and smiles.

"hop on," he says, slinging his leg over the vehicle. you follow his actions and wrap your arms around his torso. "where are we gonna go?" you ask him.

he starts the motorcycle and thinks a bit at your question, looking over his shoulder. "well we can't go anywhere until you put your visor on baby, don't want anything getting in those pretty eyes."

he reaches back and pushes down the piece of plastic that covers your eyes, making you smile. "sorry i forgot..." you say as you lean a bit closer to him and rest your head on his shoulder.

she shakes his head and reaches back to pat your hesd again. "it's okay baby, now let's get going hm?" you nod and he starts to drive, your grip on his torso tightening a bit.

you always feel so safe riding with jeno. you know how many dangerous things he does, which worry you more than anything ever, but he drives more calmly with you as a passenger.

as he drives you around the city you admire the scenery, quickly realizing where he's taking you; to your favorite spot to hide out. every stop light he makes sure you're okay and gently runs his fingers over your skin, making you shiver a bit.

it doesn't take long to reach your destination, and it brings back just as many memories as it always does. jeno had shown you this spot when you first started dating, telling you it was the perfect spot to stargaze due to its distance from the city and lack of trees.

you both get off the motorcycle and take off your helmets, placing them onto the seat. you immediately look up, smiling at the sight of the stars sparkling in the sky.

"they're so pretty tonight.." you say, head still tilted back. "and the moon.. wow."

jeno chuckles at your amazement, wrapping his arms around your shoulders in a back hug. "i know, that's why i brought you here," he says simply, looking up at the sky with you. "i knew you would love it."

you finally break your gaze from the sky to try and look at him, noticing that he's still looking up. he quickly tilts his head back down and grabs your chin, kissing you.

everything feels so unreal. the breeze running past you and jeno, the stars and moon sparkling in the sky, and most of all the feeling of his lips on yours. you sink into the kiss before he pulls away, smiling brightly.

"c'mon baby, let's sit down," he suggests, his hands moving down to yours as he gently pulls you down to the ground as he sits down on the cushy grass. you situate yourself next to him, nestling your head in the crook of his neck.

"it feels like we haven't done this in forever," you comment, neck still craned at the stars. jeno nods and grabs your hand, gently running his fingers over the back of it.

"i'm sorry baby, i'll make sure to take you more often," he smiles then squeezes your hand, looking up at the sky himself.

you sit in silence for a bit, just enjoying the view and each others presence. jeno, however, is more fixated on you than the sky. his eyes trace over your every feature, smiling to himself at your beauty.

he suddenly lets go of your hand which makes you look back at him, and tucks a strand of hair behind your ear with a dreamy look in his eye. "wanna know something baby?"

you look into his eyes, nodding at his question. he smiles again, eyes raking over your face. "i think you're prettier than any star out here. you shine more than them too."

his words make your face heat up a bit, at which he chuckles. "you're serious?" jeno immediately nods, grabbing your hand again.

"oh for sure," he responds as if you just asked him if one plus one equals two. "you're my star. mine and no one elses, alright?"

[prk-gunwook]

omg if you do text reactions, if not then completely okay! could you do the zb1 member's reactions to you sending the "would you love me if I was a worm" trend lmao

ZB1 - “would you still love me if i was a worm?”

INCLUDES || all zb1 members (yujin can be read platonically or romantically <3)

GENRE || humor, fluff (?)

NOTES || first time doing text reactions, lmk if these turned out well! also, currently working on a ZB1 chatfic for wattpad !

ꉂ — 𖥦 ♡ ,, KIM JIWOONG 𖥻

ꉂ — 𖥦 ♡ ,, ZHANG HAO 𖥻

ꉂ — 𖥦 ♡ ,, SUNG HANBIN 𖥻

ꉂ — 𖥦 ♡ ,, SEOK MATTHEW 𖥻

ꉂ — 𖥦 ♡ ,, KIM TAERAE 𖥻

ꉂ — 𖥦 ♡ ,, SHEN RICKY 𖥻

ꉂ — 𖥦 ♡ ,, KIM GYUVIN 𖥻

ꉂ — 𖥦 ♡ ,, PARK GUNWOOK 𖥻

ꉂ — 𖥦 ♡ ,, HAN YUJIN 𖥻

[unluckyxse7enart]

Another Homestuck-on-the-meteor fic snippet I never finished, this time a chatfic centered on Davekat - specifically Karkat struggling with his quadrant and turning to Kanaya about it. Despite being about Davekat (only semi-directly) I think my favorite bits are all Kanaya's, lmao.

•••

-carcinoGenetecist began trolling grimAuxilliatrix-

CG: KANAYA.

GA: Yes?

CG: CAN I TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING?

CG: SOMETHING IMPORTANT?

GA: Well This Is Rather Unusual.

GA: I Don't Mind, But Are You Sure You Shouldn't Go To Your Moirail Instead?

CG: ACTUALLY...

CG: THATS JUST IT

CG: I CANT REALLY GO TO HIM ABOUT IT BECAUSE ITS

CG: KIND OF

CG: ABOUT HIM.

GA: I See.

GA: That Is A Conundrum.

GA: Very Well. My Auricular Sponges Are Open To What You Might Have To Say.

CG: SEE, THE THING IS

CG: I'VE BEEN THINKING LATELY AND

CG: I'M NOT SURE I WANT HIM TO BE MY MOIRAIL ANYMORE.

GA: Oh Dear.

GA: Well, Humans Aren't Exactly Well Versed In The Intricacies Of Quadrants.

GA: I Suppose An Inadequacy In Filling One They Aren't Familiar With Is Something Of An Inevitability.

CG: ER

CG: ACTUALLY, THAT WASN'T WHERE I WAS GOING WITH THAT.

CG: DON'T GET ME WRONG, HAVING A HUMAN TRY TO BE A SUCCESSFUL MOIRAIL WITHOUT BLURRING THE LINES IS AN ENORMOUS BULGE-BITING CHALLENGE

CG: BUT AS FAR AS HAVING ALIENS IN YOUR QUADRANTS GO, DAVE ISN'T... ACTUALLY THAT BAD OF A MOIRAIL ALL THINGS CONSIDERED?

CG: HE'S STILL HEAPS BETTER THAN GAMZEE IS, NOT THAT THAT'S SAYING MUCH.

GA: I See.

GA: Well, If It Isn't That Dave Is Being An Unsuccessful Moirail, As I Had First Presumed, Then What Is The Problem?

GA: Is It One Of Those "It's Not You, It's Me" Things That Your Favorite Movies Are So Fond Of Employing?

CG: KANAYA, FOR GOG'S SAKE DON'T MAKE ME SAY IT.

GA: Say What.

CG: THAT

CG: DAMMIT

CG: THAT I WANT HIM

CG: IN ANOTHER QUADRANT.

GA: Ah.

CG: DON'T "Ah" ME LIKE THAT

GA: Wouldn't Dream Of It.

GA: So?

CG: SO WHAT?

GA: Which Quadrant Do You Want Him In?

CG: WELL THAT'S

CG: KIND OF WHY I CAME TO YOU.

CG: I'M NOT SURE WHICH QUADRANT I WANT HIM IN.

CG: IF I'M COMPLETELY FUCKING HONEST, I'M NOT EVEN THAT SURE I WANT TO END OUR MOIRALLEGIANCE, EVEN IF FOR THE SAKE OF STARTING NEW IN ANOTHER QUADRANT.

GA: That Is A Real Problem.

GA: Have You Considered Seeking An Auspitice?

GA: Not That I'm Volunteering, Mind You.

CG: YES, KANAYA, I'M PERFECTLY AWARE YOU ARE VERY SELECTIVE IN WHO YOU'D AUSPITICIZE FOR, I DON'T NEED A REMINDER.

CG: AND WHILE I HAD CONSIDERED IT, ALSO CONSIDER:

CG: WHO THE FUCK *COULD* I GO TO??

CG: I CONSIDERED ASKING TEREZI, BUT... WELL, GIVEN HER HISTORY WITH BOTH OF US INDIVIDUALLY I HIGHLY DOUBT SHE'D WANT ANYWHERE NEAR US TOGETHER IN A QUADRANT

CG: I WOULDN'T TRUST VRISKA AS FAR AS I COULD THROW HER

CG: GAMZEE CAN'T EVEN BE BOTHERED TO SHOW HIS STUPID CLOWN FACE AROUND ANYONE BUT ME

CG: NOT THAT I'D TRUST HIM AS AN AUSPITICE EITHER

CG: WHICH LEAVES YOU AND ROSE WHICH

CG: YOU'VE ALREADY MADE YOUR STANCE CLEAR, AND ROSE AND DAVE WOULDN'T EVEN CONSIDER IT GIVEN THEIR WEIRD HANGUPS ON BLOOD TIES AND RELATIONSHIPS

CG: NO OFFENSE, BUT THAT'S HONESTLY A RELIEF BECAUSE I WOULDN'T WANT ANY HUMAN AS AN AUSPITICE NO MATTER HOW KNOWLEDGEABLE THEY ARE ON THE SUSBJECT. NOT EVEN ROSE.

CG: SO I HAVE FUCKALL IN THE AUSPITICE PAGEANT TO SELECT FROM WITH MY KEEN JUDGE EYE

CG: AND ON TOP OF ALL OF THAT THERE'S AN EVEN *BIGGER* PROBLEM.

CG: HOW THE BLISTERING BLUE HELL WOULD I EVEN BROACH THIS SUBJECT WITH DAVE???

CG: HE'S ALWAYS BEEN WEIRD ABOUT QUADRANTS.

CG: NEVER MIND I'M RELUCTANT TO ADMIT TO HIM THAT I'M VACILLATING IN THE FIRST PLACE...

GA: If You Don't Mind My Asking, Why Is That?

CG: Vacillation Is Perfectly Natural In A Quadrant Needing Auspiticizing.

CG: WELL

CG: I MEAN

CG: YEAH, I KNOW.

CG: BUT HE'S NOT EXACTLY FAMILIAR WITH THAT. I DON'T KNOW HOW HE'LL TAKE IT.

CG: HUMANS ONLY HAVE ONE 'QUADRANT', REMEMBER.

CG: WHAT IF THE MERE CONCEPT OF VACILLATION IS A DEALBREAKER FOR HIM?

CG: HELL, EVEN THE CONCEPT OF BEING MY MOIRAIL WAS ENOUGH TO SEND HIM OFF ON SOME BULGE-STROKING RAP TANTRUM ABOUT WHO KNOWS WHAT, I COULD BARELY EVEN LISTEN TO THE FIRST FIVE WORDS BEFORE TUNING IT OUT.

CG: IMAGINE MY COMPLETE AND UTTER SURPRISE WHEN HE ACTUALLY SAID HE’D THINK ABOUT IT.

CG: AND THEN *AGREED* TO IT.

CG: BUT HE STILL DOESN’T GET THE FINER CONCEPTS OF QUADRANTS AND IF *I* CAN BARELY RECOGNIZE WHEN I’M ABOUT TO VACILLATE THEN HOW UNDER THE BLISTERING SUN WOULD I BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN IT SO THAT EVEN A SHITTING WIGGLER CAN UNDERSTAND IT.

CG: BECAUSE YOU KNOW HE’S GOING TO GET LOST IF I EXPLAIN IT A LEVEL ABOVE THAT.