#but then i feel so guilty that i figure 'well if i isolate then maybe i won't hurt anyone or self sabotage my relationships'

[gentlenotes-moved]

(mini vent)

one thing i really do hate is that i seem like a warm and open person but then friendships form and then i get real hesitant and then we get Too Close and then i get this ungodly powerful (and actually hostile-feeling?) urge to cut them off completely and destroy the friendship or blooming romance. and i. i act on it a lot. like, a lot. and then i wonder what the fuck i've just done. like, oh. fuck.

[aventurineswife]

Hi! Could you make a fallen angel-like reader(similar to a halovian) with Aventurine, Sampo and Dan heng please?

-🩵

“You're my fallen angel in the dark”

Tags: Aventurine x Reader, Sampo x Reader, Dan Heng x Reader, Emotional Vulnerability, Slow Burn(?), Fluff and Angst, Gentle Romance.

Warnings: Mentions of Past Trauma, Themes of Isolation and Loneliness, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Gambling and Risk-Taking (Aventurine), Light Tension and Danger.

In the dim light of his office, you leaned back on the sleek leather couch, wings folded gently as Aventurine sat across from you, his vibrant eyes fixed on you with that familiar playful spark. The soft glow of city lights framed his figure, lending an almost ethereal hue to his features.

"So, tell me," Aventurine leaned forward, fingers steepled, "what does an angel from the heavens need in a place like this? Surely you aren’t here to save me."

A smirk tugged at your lips. "Maybe I thought you could use a little saving, Aventurine."

He chuckled, the sound rich and smooth, like a well-aged vintage. "Oh, I’m a lost cause, trust me." His tone was light, but you sensed the depth behind it—the carefully guarded wounds he hid behind his charm and wit. As you brushed your hand across the roulette detail on his coat, you noticed his breath hitch, just for a moment.

"But perhaps…you’re not," you murmured, brushing a feather along his hand, sending a ripple of warmth over his cold skin. Aventurine’s hand slipped into yours, fingers interlocking as his eyes held yours. His usually mischievous demeanor softened, vulnerability slipping through the cracks.

"Maybe," he said, his voice softer now, "just maybe. But I think if anyone could change my mind… it might be you."

In that moment, you saw through his mask, felt his hand squeeze yours just a little tighter. And for once, Aventurine felt like more than just the gambler he pretended to be.

The streets were bustling with noise and color as Sampo sauntered beside you, his bright green eyes glinting with his usual playful mischief. You cast a cautious glance his way, aware of his reputation, but something about him—perhaps that underlying sense of survival and charm—had drawn you in, despite your better judgment.

"So," he drawled, nudging you with a grin, "an angel with clipped wings, huh? Seems we’ve got something in common, don’t you think? Both of us can’t quite keep our feet out of trouble."

You chuckled, rolling your eyes as you noticed his hand slide a little too close to your coin pouch. “Funny you’d say that,” you replied, catching his wrist. “Though I think you’re more of the rogue variety than the fallen kind.”

“Guilty as charged.” He shrugged with a shameless grin, freeing his hand but remaining close, as though walking away was the last thing on his mind.

Curiosity sparked within you as you leaned closer, wings shifting around you both like a cloak. “What if I told you I could offer you something better than coins or trinkets?”

“Is that so?” He raised an eyebrow, clearly intrigued. “And what’s that, my angel?”

You took his hand, feeling his pulse quicken beneath your fingers. “Trust, Sampo. Someone who sees through the act.”

For the first time, his laughter faltered, and he stared at you with an expression you’d never seen before—a mix of awe and hesitation. “Careful now, sweetheart,” he whispered, his tone uncharacteristically serious. “You might just get more than you bargained for.”

It was a quiet night on the Astral Express. The stars glowed softly outside the window as you stood beside Dan Heng, wings folded behind you, as silent as the mystery that shrouded him. He glanced over, his blue eyes momentarily meeting yours before he returned his gaze to the starry void.

"I’m not quite sure why you’re here," he murmured, his voice low and reflective. "A place like this… doesn’t seem suited for a celestial being like you."

A soft smile touched your lips as you moved closer, reaching out to brush his hand with yours, gentle and cautious. “Fallen, not celestial,” you corrected. “I lost my way a long time ago.”

He looked at you, and in his gaze, you saw the reflection of his own scars, the history he carried but rarely shared. “And yet, you don’t seem lost,” he said. “You have… a presence.”

You chuckled softly, wings shifting. “I think we have more in common than you realize, Dan Heng. We’re both haunted by what we’ve lost, both searching for something we can’t quite name.”

Dan Heng’s gaze softened, and he allowed himself the smallest, rarest of smiles. “Maybe. But you… have given me something I didn’t think I’d find again.”

You met his gaze, feeling a warmth bloom between you as he reached out, his hand resting against your shoulder—a silent promise, a shared understanding. And there, under the glow of the stars, you knew that neither of you were as alone as you once thought.

[heesdreamer]

ECHOES OF RIOT

PAIRING ➩ heeseung x reader

SUMMARY ➩ falling inlove with a rockstar is never easy, especially when he returns to your hometown on a successful tour three years after you lost contact

WARNINGS ➩ this is like straight up angst… romance but mostly angst lol.. drug use, some violence, idk can’t really remember this is ridiculously long

WC ➩ 19.1k

AUTHORS NOTE ➩ well this took me forever lol.. i don’t have much to say i just hope you like it. NOT PROOFREAD normally written at 4am lol the usual.. also side note one of the main characters was chaeyoung and i changed her to heejin for obvious reasons so if you see any of her name left over that’s my mistake and that’s why.

You weren’t exactly sure how you ended up like you did, so meek and quiet to the point that it was an actual hinderance on your daily activities.

If you were born like that, just one of those kids that was too shy to talk to their classmates and hid behind their moms legs on the first day of school, you’d completely understand but you’d actually been nearly the opposite for your entire life.

Maybe it was an accumulation of always feeling like you were taking up too much space, being on the receiving end of quick glares from teachers when you lacked volume control or seeing the hesitance on your friends parents faces when they excitedly asked if you could come over for a sleepover. Mixed with your own sudden self awareness going into high school.

You quickly realized that it wasn’t the loud girls getting asked out on dates and it was an almost immediately decline into self intrusion once you made this discovery.

It wasn’t like you necessarily wanted to be asked out by anybody, physically recoiling as your friends gossiped about the mass appointed hottest guys at your school and turning up your nose when they made sleazy attempts to flirt and court the other girls around you, but it felt embarrassing to be constantly left out of romantic group hangouts or discussions about experiences you’d never had.

Still, you had managed to keep a solid group of friends despite your newfound habit of self isolating and they only halfway judged you for your tendency to stay in on the weekends.

On the other half however, they weren’t so forgiving, hence why you were currently stood outside a low scale concert venue shivering so hard you were worried you’d chip a tooth. You were pulling your zip up hoodie tighter around your body and sending glares to your friends who were chatting animatedly about the band they were going to see.

Apparently it was composed of some boys around your age, not attending your school but well known enough that they had been invited to some of your friends parties and events and eventually your friend group had been given tickets to one of their shows.

You weren’t the biggest fan of crowds in general but especially concert goers and you’d been promised that this one would be chill and relaxing, something you automatically knew was a lie the second you left the cab and saw the attire of everybody around you. The line was buzzing with energy and adrenaline and you could hear the acts doing soundcheck from inside, music loud and heavy.

It was freezing and as much as you were dreading being pushed into a crowd with jabbing elbows and sweat rolling off their skin onto yours, you were ready to get out of the line as more and more snow kept falling down onto the uncaring crowd.

“Aren’t you excited?” Your head was turning at the sound of a soft voice coming from your right and you smiled softly at one of your calmer friends.

“Sure Sunoo. It’ll be fun.” You were replying quickly, not needing them to feel awkward or guilty about bringing you just because you didn’t necessarily want to come. You figured he could tell you were lying by the pity filled look he gave you but he didn’t call you out for it.

He didn’t say anything else for a second and he didn’t get a chance before the doors were opening and the line was surging forward, already getting your tickets checked while you waited and turning into a blob of people and excitement all trying to squeeze into the single door.

You were groaning softly at the feeling of being jostled around but you couldn’t help but laugh at the fact all of your friends were linking arms and declaring to stay together, slightly envious of the pure delight on their faces whilst your heart was starting to ache from the anxious way it was pounding. You let yourself be dragged through the crowd by them, closing your eyes for a second when you pushed through the tightest areas and just allowing them to guide you through it.

The venue was more so just a bar with a small stage but your friends had told you that these were the best types of places to see a show at, intimate and ear shattering loud.

They’d said the last half with an enthusiastic giggle but you had winced softly at the image of how close you’d be to the large speakers that you now saw adorning the stage. It was dark in the building and your shoes were sticking to the floor beneath you, lights turned a deep glowing green and something more casual playing over the speakers to fill the silence.

You’d followed behind them as they found a spot near the bar, safely tucked away from the crowd and planning to wait out the opening acts here to preserve their energy. They all agreed to push into the crowd once the main band came out and try to get as close as they possibly could, looking over at you for acceptance and all smiling and patting your back when you gave a sheepish nod.

It wasn’t that bad and you were quickly getting used to it, the thick cloud of cigarette smoke settling over you and only making you slightly dizzy now.

You felt a bit embarrassed and out of place but everybody else was too excited or drunk to notice that you weren’t exactly in the most appropriate attire. Sunoo had shot you a questioning glance when you’d gotten into the shared cab but you only just now realized you weren’t fitting in with the rest of the crowd or your friends even slightly.

The difference between you and them was even more evident when the owner of the bar was stepping onto stage and excitedly announcing the first artists, all your friends cheering and holding onto each other while you sat and watched from one of the bar stools.

You were still able to have fun as you watched them, smiling softly at the way they kept instinctively moving forward together as the music started and they screamed the lyrics. You didn’t recognize the songs that the band was covering but you knew enough about music to tell it sounded amazing, watching them closely as they skillfully played off of each other and got the crowd properly amped up.

You’d never really understood the purpose behind opening acts but you were getting it now considering you were feeling more and more excited for the main band as you kept watching.

Then more time had passed and the crowd had entered that stage of being too excited and too intoxicated to really understand boundaries and limits, a few fights breaking out that your friends didn’t bat an eye at but you were starting to feel a really deep pit building in your stomach.

It only worsened when somebody was hurriedly, and messily, approaching the bar and demanding another drink as he anxiously looked behind him at where you presumed his spot in the crowd was. You were watching him out of the corner of your eye as he ordered, feeling him swaying drunkenly closer to you and wanting to make sure he didn’t accidentally tip over and knock you out of your seat.

Your intuition was astoundingly accurate considering it wasn’t long before somebody else was approaching the man and leaning into his side, sending the both of them tilting over in your direction.

You’d just managed to hop off the bar seat before they were slamming into it but with the speed in which you’d jumped off combined with the sticky floor underneath you, you were skidding forward and landing roughly on your side against the ground.

Neither man seemed coherent enough to notice you had fallen from the height and you could hear them drunkenly laughing with each other from above you. Your friends hadn’t noticed the altercation either and you quickly frowned at the nasty sensation under your hands before you were standing up and swiftly adjusting your skirt.

You were rushing back out towards the entrance before anybody could notice your disappearance, pushing back through the door and immediately being hit by the cold air as the snow continued to build up on the ground. You were sighing and bending down to pick some of it off the sidewalk, rubbing it in your hands and trying to clean them off the best you could with the wetness.

“You’re going to miss the main act.”

You were jumping at the sound of a voice coming from behind you, standing up swiftly and turning around to see somebody leaning against the building and taking a long drag from whatever it was that he was smoking.

“Oh.. yeah I know I just.. had something on my hands.” You were mumbling out towards him and indicating awkwardly at the snow in your hands, realizing how weird it must’ve looked from his angle.

He was laughing softly at your explanation and your face flushed in embarrassment again for the sixth time that night, taking in his attire and knowing he’d be able to tell right away that you weren’t exactly supposed to be here. He was tall, would be even taller if he was standing up straight and it was especially accentuated by the tight fit of his ripped black jeans. You couldn’t see his face super clearly from where he was stood underneath the shaky lights but his hair was messy and in his eyes and you thought you saw a piercing or two shining on his face.

“Who dragged you here?” He was suddenly asking and you froze up again as you looked at him, eyes darting down to his feet for a second nervously.

“My friends got tickets and I couldn’t get out of it.” You were telling him softly and shrugging a bit. A car was driving past on the empty road and you waited for the sounds of the snow crunching under its tires to quiet before you finished. “From the band actually.”

You look back at him just in time to see his eyebrows lift in surprise and then settle into recognition, your own shifting forward in furrowed confusion. The boy was taking a step off the wall then and flicking his cigarette somewhere off near the road, your eyes following the still burning ember as it flew through the air before circling back to him.

“I’ll see you inside then.” His tone was one of a statement and not a question but you were still slightly confused despite the fact you habitually nodded at him.

You let out a big sigh once he was leaving finally, weirdly going through the alley towards what you could only assume was a side entrance and not the door right next to him. It quickly slipped your mind and you decided to wait for the previous act to finish up before you also headed back in.

You crouched back down closer to the snow and continued to try and clean off your hands and parts of your sleeves that had gotten stained from whatever substances were on the floor. The cold was sending waves of shivers through you but you simply ignored the uncomfortable feeling, especially since you figured you’d warm up quickly once you headed back inside.

Eventually you could hear the second opening act thanking the crowd for their intense energy before the familiar voice of the bar owner was back, this time more excited as he announced that the main band was finally coming out on to the stage.

You sighed softly again to yourself before stomping the slush off your boots and heading back through the door, once again being hit by the tight atmosphere that was a lot more sweaty than when you had first walked in and was now practically buzzing with adrenaline.

It was harder than you had planned for to get back to your seat and you almost gave up and just resided to the back of the building but once the band members were finally on stage the crowd surged forward, a gap in the mass of people slightly opened up and you were hurrying through it back towards where your friends had been. They were gone now but you had expected that, knowing they must likely went closer to the stage.

You were just barely settling back into an empty stool when the band was coming out on stage and you frowned when you realized you could barely see them, sitting up slightly and freezing up when you got a better view.

One of the boys was standing center stage and speaking into the mic, presumably introducing them to the crowd who was cheering the loudest they had all night, but your gaze was drifting a few feet to his right to where one of the guitarist was standing.

You immediately recognized him as the boy from outside, a wave of embarrassment washing over you as you remembered how you had been less than enthusiastic about coming and had told him the band invited you and your friends. His surprised expression was making sense to you now and you would’ve turned to face palm if you weren’t stuck staring at him.

He was scanning the crowd for a few seconds and your eyes widened a touch when he was looking in your direction, stopping his wandering gaze as a soft smirk started to build up on his lips.

You were glancing around you to see if there was anything else he could be looking at and then feeling your face heat up alarmingly fast when you realized there wasn’t and he definitely recognized you from your awkward encounter outside.

Then they were starting to play and you were frozen for other reasons, your eyes locked on him and his frame as he started to open the song slow and soft. It wasn’t the type of music you had expected from them just based off of appearance and you were completely transfixed by the way they skillfully moved with their respective instruments, the boys behind the mics voice coming through now.

The crowd was swaying along with the gentle music, calming down into a low buzz like they were being completely controlled by the bands sound and energy.

You sat frozen like that for the entirety of the first song, mouth slightly parted in surprise and watching the boy you’d seen outside as he continued to play. You didn’t know much about guitars but you could tell he was good, his louder than the others and ringing out clear even underneath the distorted vocals.

He wasn’t looking at you anymore because he wasn’t looking at anything at all, leaning back and keeping his eyes shut as he played them through the final half of the first song. He was rocking along with his strums and he seemed just as into it and transfixed as the rest of the building was.

The first song slowed to a stop and you heard the vocalist laugh softly into the mic before he was glancing behind him towards where the drummer was sitting. You watched them curiously as they nodded at eachother in silent communication, amazed at how casual and relaxed they seemed to be in front of all of these people.

“Obviously we know what you’re all here for.” The lead vocalist was speaking into the mic with a small smile and the two guitarist start to build up the intro of the next song. “Watch your elbows and try not to knock anyone out.”

He was laughing as he finished his lighthearted warning but you watched as the crowd surged with excitement and started to move around, coming to life in sync like they were all the same creature and you felt a bit sick at how tight and moving it was quickly becoming. He was starting to sing again in a lower tone and even though the song was still bordering on calm, you could feel it building up along with the energy in the room.

It was closer to what you had expected their music to sound like and although it wasn’t necessarily something you’d keep on during your downtime, you couldn’t help but feel a bit giddy at the way the entire crowd reacted to the explosive chorus.

The drummers voice was rasping underneath the main vocalist now and you quickly understand their previous communication, a smile building on your face as you watched the guitarist from outside staring at them with an unfiltered excitement.

They played more songs and you continued to sit and watch them unmoving, your eyes mostly transfixed on the boy with the guitar until the end of their set. You’d never seen somebody play the way he did and you almost felt like you had no choice but to watch him considering how captivating he looked on stage. Eventually they were shouting their goodbyes towards the crowd and accepting thrown gifts and hands reaching out for contact, all except for the guitarist considering he was just watching and smiling at the crowd for a distance.

You were still watching them as they left the stage and disappeared back into the restricted part of the building, not even noticing when your friends were excitedly bounding back over to you.

“That was fucking awesome.” Heejin was wrapping her arm around your shoulder and shaking you enthusiastically, sweat lining her dyed hair now and making her tattoos glisten under the now red lighting.

“Jungwon somehow sounds 100 times better in person.” You turned your head to see Sunoo coming to sit next to you with an impressed look on his face, shaking his head in disbelief and still watching the empty stage like you were a few moments ago. “Plus I didn’t know Jake could sing like that.”

“He sang at that school event remember? Before Jay got him into drumming.” Riki was quickly explaining and taking a swig of a water bottle he was carrying, still slightly out of breath from the tight and hot crowd.

You watched them talk animatedly about the show with a soft smile and fondness, you were glad they had fun even if you were originally hesitant to come out with them. It had been better than you’d expected and you still felt a little rush of excitement under your skin when you thought about how loud and beautiful the music had been. You’d completely forgotten about falling on the floor or any mishap.

“Are you ready to go then? We don’t want to keep them waiting, they’re probably super tired.” Joonie was turning to smile at you and await your response but her grin faltered when she saw the heavy look of confusion gracing your features. “You didn’t ask her?”

She was moving her head to give an accusatory stare towards the others and Sunoo winced softly at the harshness in her glare. Riki was sighing and scratching the back of his neck before answering. “We figured we’d ask her after she saw them… maybe she’d be more inclined to say yes.”

“Say yes to what?” You were quickly butting in, slightly frustrated that they were talking around you like you weren’t sat right there watching the entire thing.

“The band wanted us to come over to their place after the show.” Heejin was answering hesitantly, watching you with an expectant look like she was already prepared for you to shut them down.

You can’t deny that the thought immediately crossed your mind, beyond used to rejecting hangouts instinctively especially ones that were so small and intimate with people you didn’t know.

Then you were thinking about the way they had performed and how you had felt seeing them have so much fun on the stage, like they never cared about taking up too much space and they certainly weren’t concerned with ever being too loud. You were pausing for a few seconds to think about it even though you already felt like your mind had been made up, meeting your friends waiting stares and giving them a soft nod of approval.

——

You had quickly come to regret your accepting nod on your way to meet up with the boys, packed into a cab with your friends who still vaguely smelled like the inside of the venue and conjoined sweat.

They still seemed excited so you were trying your best to not be a visible mood killer but you were getting more and more anxious the closer you got to where you’d be meeting, not even exactly sure what type of environment you were going into.

It got even worse when the cab was pulling to a stop in front of a house tucked neatly in a lower class suburban area, the dread of having to make small talk in such an intimate setting like one the boys house was making your stomach turn with nausea. You sucked it up and followed behind your friends with held breath, listening as the door opened and they excitedly greeted whoever it was that was behind it.

You eventually filed through and when it was your turn to pass through the doorway, you realized it was Jake who had opened it.

You recognized him from school events like Riki had mentioned before, not attending yours but a few times a year the neighboring schools held community shows and events to bring the area closer together and scout for grants and sponsorships. You distinctly remember Jake sitting on the stage a few years back, looking beyond nervous as he softly strung his acoustic guitar and sang a song that had slipped your memory by now.

It was a striking opposition to what you’d seen him do tonight, both the fact he had been singing so hard his voice was scratching underneath Jungwon’s softer tone and the way he was slamming down on the drums so hard you had been worried he’d break something.

He had a certain buzzing energy to him that helped this make sense, watching him now as he excitedly bounced around your friends like a loose dog as he guided them towards another doorway. You figured he was more full of bottled up excitement over any actual aggressiveness and you continued to silently follow behind them.

You were a bit surprised to be led down to a small finished basement, carefully walking down the carpeted steps and feeling weirdly like you’d been transported back to your own home with how familiar the area looked.

There was a small red light connected to the door with tape and you imagined it was to signal that some sort of recording was going on, a small smile playing up on your face at the irony of the devoted after band having such a simple setup. The smile was immediately slipping off when you were hearing your friends start up rounds of greeting again and you paled with nerves.

“That’s Y/N, she doesn’t talk much.” Riki was quickly saying and you were half grateful he had saved you from awkwardly stuttering out your name and half furious as all sets of eyes turned to look in your direction.

You recognized the lead singer first, looking a lot less intimidating now that he was sitting on the sofa in more comfortable clothes and letting his purple mullet air dry from what you could only assume was a post show shower. You knew his name was Jungwon just from hearing your friends rambles and you filled in the blanks for the rest of the names.

Jay was almost more intimidating off stage than he was on it, losing that playful and excited energy that being in front of a crowd brought and falling into an almost scary silence. If it wasn’t for the gentle way he was picking at an acoustic guitar, a stark difference to the black and shining electric one you’d seen him with on stage.

Your eyes were drifting over to the final person in the room who was busy chatting with Heejin and staring excitedly at her newest tattoos, his hands hovering over her skin but not touching directly like an excited child. Sunoo had told you on the way here that Sunghoon played bass and whilst you weren’t exactly sure what that meant, he seemed the most approachable out of the group.

Minus the member you’d already accidentally approached but he was missing from the current area and you felt a wave of relief rushing through you considering how embarrassed you’d felt seeing him on stage.

You almost fell into autopilot and you listened to the two groups mix and talk casually like they were lifelong friends, an overwhelming feeling of envy sitting in your stomach considering the fact they were so easily able to hold conversation with each other whilst you struggled to even introduce yourself.

Jay had gotten up to put on a record at some point and that made you feel slightly more at ease considering there was no more room for awkward silence, something a lot calmer than what they’d played earlier ringing through the room as they all lounged in different places and started to smoke amongst each other.

Your friends didn’t bother offering any to you considering you had a tendency to say no, not necessarily against smoking or being high but the intimacy of sharing a blunt mixed with the performance anxiety as it was passed around the circle almost on instinct. The other boys must’ve gotten the hint without it needing to be said and they also didn’t try to get you to smoke, leaving you relieved that they weren’t the types to poke fun at you or try to pressure you into it.

It was a lot easier for you to just watch them and get a small contact high, sinking down into your spot on the couch more and relaxing as they started to lose focus and definitely lose the ability to care if you were being awkward.

You were pressed against the side of the sofa even though nobody was sat directly near you, still trying to ensure you were taking up as little space on the furniture as possible in case somebody else wanted to sit or you were simply just in the way. You were grateful you’d developed this habit considering the door to the basement was opening again and you froze up as the light shone in from the top of the stairs.

“Finally, the chosen one has arrived.” Jake was yelling excitedly from somewhere you couldn’t see, laying flat on the carpet behind the round ottoman and you could only barely catch a glimpse of his arms being thrown up in mock praise.

You were staring at the stairs as the boot covered feet started to descend down and you knew who it was before he even reached the point where you could see his upper half, freezing even more at the way his eyes scanned over the unfamiliar faces in the basement before pausing on you.

You awkwardly pulled your sleeves over your hands and glanced back over at Sunoo was sitting in the chair closest to you and the couch, talking to Sunghoon about something you couldn’t quite make it out considering anxiety was fully building up now and you were slightly disoriented from the overstimulation in the room.

Much to your dismay and attempts to stop yourself, your eyes were drifting back over to the boy and you almost groaned when you realized he was still watching you.

Heeseung had, according to Joonie on the way here, been the one to originally start up the band and convince the others to take it as seriously as he did. He was the lead guitarist first and foremost but he dabbled in almost everything, including producing all of their original songs and covers and apparently forfeiting his basement as their studio considering the younger photos of him scattered around the walls.

His baby pink hair was in his face even more now than it had been when you’d saw him smoking outside, littered with random blonde patches that told you he had done it himself, and now you were positive he had multiple piercings throughout his face.

It was only getting worse for you when he was making his way over to the couch and taking the empty middle seat, directly next to you.

You were sat with your feet up on the fabric and hugging your knees close to your chest but you imagined if you’d been sat normally then your thighs would be press against his that had lost the tight ripped jeans and were now sporting some more casual black sweatpants.

“You want this Hee?” Sunghoon was saying from where he was sat on the floor besides Sunoo on the chair.

You glanced over to the boy just in time to see him shake his head in denial and a wave of surprise and relief washed over you, grateful you wouldn’t be the only one not smoking anymore. “You don’t smoke?” Riki was asking and Heeseung seemed to instinctively shake his head no.

Jay snorted out a half laugh half scoff and you watched the pink haired boy shoot him a sharp glare before his eyes were drifting over to you, almost like he was checking your reaction. Your eyebrows were furrowed forward in confusion, wondering why he was lying about smoking, he must’ve forgotten the fact you’d seen him outside with a cigarette only a few hours before.

Everybody fell back into their own individual conversations again and you started to relax finally, listening to the music playing softly in the smoke filled room.

“So did you end up liking it then?” Heeseung’s voice was coming from beside you and you looked over towards him with widened eyes, not expecting him to directly address you.

“W-what?” You were stuttering out and then immediately flushing in embarrassment when a concerned look passed over his intimidating face. He seemed nice enough but your closed mind couldn’t look past the piercings and the eyeliner still staining around his large eyes.

“The show.” He was quickly explaining, looking slightly embarrassed himself that you hadn’t understood what he was talking about. “You didn’t seem too excited when you were outside.”

You froze up in your spot considering he was directly referencing the conversation you’d had outside, in which you had told him begrudgingly and in complaint that you hadn’t been able to get out of going to the show that he was performing at. You didn’t respond for a few seconds and you were grateful that everybody was too stoned to keep up with your awkward conversation.

“It was… you guys were very..” You trailed off when you saw the expectant look on his face and you cleared your throat a bit, eyes darting down to the double piercings going through the thin skin of his lips and then back up to his eyes. “It was cool.”

“Just cool?” His lip was curling softly up into a half smirk at your extremely vague answer, shifting in his place on the couch so he was facing you better and you tried not to be extremely weird about the fact his arm was resting on the back of the sofa now and therefore his hand was dangling on the other side of your shoulders.

“Super cool?” You offered in a squeaky voice, wincing as your shoulders curled in on themselves.

He laughed softly at your answer and you were relieved that he found it somewhat funny and wasn’t totally offended that you didn’t have a string of compliments prepared for him. You did like the show much more than you thought you would and if you were able to get ahold of yourself, you would’ve told him how impressed you were as you watched him play.

But you weren’t that lucky and you knew you’d be stuck giving him half true statements that didn’t actually show how you truly felt about the set, turning your head back to face forward so you didn’t have to look at his face anymore.

You weren’t exactly sure why he had come to talk to you out of everybody in the room, knowing he was obviously a lot closer to his band mates and had even hung out with your male friends a few times from your knowledge in group settings. Joonie had told you that she thought the two of you were a bit similar considering he was also rarely at social events but you highly doubted the comparison considering the way he looked performing in front of an adoring and expectant crowd.

Still, you thought about the way he hung back at the end of the final song instead of interacting with the fans like the other members had and the fact you hadn’t been surprised when he wasn’t present in the basement at first.

“Are you two actually talking to each other or just sitting in weirdo silence?” Your head was picking back up to look over at Heejin who was sitting on the other side of the couch, next to Heeseung but leaning far enough away towards Jake and Jungwon that they didn’t touch at all.

You didn’t need to look at her to know who she was referring to but your stomach dropped a little when you met her gaze and confirmed she was referring to you, the others in the room also looking over considering her statement.

Heejin was in no way mean to you and she was actually your longest friend out of the group, knowing her since middle school which meant she was around to watch your social decline. She made jokes sometimes or pushed you too far out of your comfort zone but you always took it as her way of trying to help you loosen up like she knew you could, always stopping whenever you got visibly too overwhelmed or uncomfortable.

You weren’t sure if it was the presence of people she admired or the buzz of a high settling over her that caused her to make the comment but it clearly crossed a line the two of you had silently established throughout the years, your face dropping at the unwanted attention.

“Heeseung is the master of weirdo silence.” Jake was adding on from the floor again and you could hear him giggling nonsensically, sitting up so you could see his head past the ottoman and frown at him.

“Yeah well I’d rather talk to..” Heeseung was starting harshly before trailing off and glancing over at you with a raised eyebrow. You paused for a few seconds and stared at him in confusion but realizing he was waiting for you to tell him your name, quickly whispering it to him and trying to ignore the small smile he gave you before turning back to look at the others. “I’d rather talk to Y/N than you deadbeats.”

The boys in the room were breaking out into small fits of laughters and instigating choruses of “Oo’s”. Fanning their hands out like they’d been burned and only settling down when Heeseung was rolling his eyes and sinking further into the couch.

Luckily they all seemed to let it go after that even though you were still left with a deeper pit in your stomach because of Heejin’s random dig at both you and Heeseung, roping him in to your anti social behavior and giving his own friends the opportunity to pile on top of it.

You were glancing over at him again from the corner of your eye, hesitantly shifting to try and catch his attention again. His gaze was snapping back to your face when you moved slightly and his eyebrows raised in question again, a lot softer than they had been when he was asking for your name and snapping back at your friends. You watched the way the metal balls surrounding his eyebrow stretched with the movement before licking your dry lips and speaking.

“Thanks.” The word slipped from your lips in a small breath and once again you felt disappointed that it was all you had managed to say, wishing you were able to express your gratitude to him more.

He didn’t seem to mind and his shoulders were lifting in a small shoulder, watching you curiously. “It’s no big deal. I don’t talk much either.”

“Even though you do all… that?” You were asking before you even processed the question falling from your lips and he looked equally surprised as you that you were continuing the conversation without needing prompting.

“Like perform?” His voice was lower now as you started to talk more and you had a feeling he didn’t want the others to listen in and find a way to intervene again. You gave him a soft nod, grateful he had understood your vague wording. “It’s different, I don’t really think of it like that. Sometimes I don’t even feel like I’m there in front of all those people.”

If you’d heard him say that last week or even this morning, you would’ve not fully understood what exactly he was trying to explain to you. Even now you were still a bit confused on what exactly the feeling was like but you immediately understood what he was referring to, remembering the way he was closing his eyes and leaning with the music like he was in his own world.

You must’ve fallen silent for too long as you were thinking about it and what that could possibly be like, how it would feel to live a life with that sort of overwhelming passion, because he was clearing his throat and shifting again.

“It’s like… well what do you do?” He was starting to try and find an analogy, assuming you didn’t understand and you froze up at the direct question.

“What do I do?” You were repeating back to him for clarification and he nodded earnestly, waiting to hear your answer. “I don’t think I really do anything.”

He seemed taken back by that and you were slightly embarrassed that you’d failed to answer his question properly. You’d thought about it before, being at the age where you should have something you were passionate about or a hobby that motivated you in some way.

You never really did much of anything on your own and you’d yet to find anything that gave you that sort of spark he’d be referring to, the type of spark that would cause you to do what you loved even if it meant pushing yourself past your limits or standing on a stage like you were born for it.

“What are you doing this weekend?” He was suddenly rushing out and your eyes widened in surprise again at the fact his voice had come out much louder now, like he’d forced himself to say it. You didn’t say anything for a few seconds and then you were shaking your head to signal that you weren’t doing anything set in stone. “Come to our next show.”

“To your show?” You were repeating in bewilderment and he was nodding his head quickly as he scanned over your face hesitantly, wondering if you were going to reject him. Eventually you were biting the inside of your cheek after contemplating for a while and glancing at him. “O-okay.. yeah sure.”

——

“Y/N, the phone for you.” Your mothers screaming voice was floating up the stairs and you groaned softly into your pillow, laying on your stomach and overthinking the events of the previous weekend like you had been for days.

It was pretty uneventful after your conversation with Heeseung, both falling into a silence or offering small laughs and quick glances as you listened to your friends talk and get to know each other better. He must’ve been telling the truth about not talking much because nobody looked over at him once expectantly although you noticed his band mates keeping an eye on the two of you occasionally.

Eventually you and your friends had left the basement and the pink haired boy had spared you a quick wave through the window as the taxi pulled off.

You’d listened to your friends excitedly talk the entire way back to your neighbors and pry you for details about what you’d been talking about with him, not noticing the bitter expression on your face when you noticed how surprised they seemed that he’d chosen to speak to you.

Now it was Thursday and you were thinking about it all again, replaying it over and over and finding something new to be embarrassed about each time you did. Heeseung was surprisingly soft spoken and slightly awkward considering his appearance but you knew it held no parallel to how terrible you were at socializing.

“Y/N.” Your mom was screaming again and this time you rolled over as you groaned, letting it fill the room before you were getting off your bed and heading down the stairs.

Your mom was standing there with the phone in her hand, watching you with an excited expression and your face was pulling forward in confusion as your steps hesitantly slowed to a stop. “It’s a boy.” She was whispering and pointing at the phone with a wiggle of her eyebrows.

You were snatching the phone away from her and walking around the corner into the hallways, stretching the chord as far as it could possibly go and waving a dismissive hand at your mom when she was poking her around the corner in curiosity.

“Hello?” You were breathing into the phone and it was a heavy silence for a few seconds before you could hear somebody clearing their throat on the other side.

“Hey Y/N, it’s Heeseung.” He was announcing and you froze up at the sound of his soft voice coming through your speaker, clutching the phone tighter in your hand and shifting it against your ear. “Um.. like the guitar guy.”

You were laughing softly at the fact he felt the need to specify, most likely growing nervous from your extended silence. “I know who you are Heeseung.”

“Cool… yeah cool.” He was breathing back and letting out his own nervous laugh, a small smile building on your face at how awkward he seemed now. You liked how different he was in each setting, confident and sensual on stage and casual and calm when surrounded by his friends in a familiar area. Now you were seeing what he was like on his own, mirroring a personality similar to yours.

“D-did you need something?” You tried to keep your tone light so he didn’t think you were bothered by the fact he had called despite your confusion over how he’d gotten your number or what exactly he wanted.

Your heart was racing slightly as you listened to him inhale over the phone, feeling a bit ridiculous over your own reactions but you couldn’t help but think about his soft pink hair and the piercings your mom would definitely disapprove of. She glared at Heejin’s bare skin every time she came over during the summer so you couldn’t imagine her reaction to seeing Heeseung’s group of friends.

“I was just calling to make sure you were still going to the show and Sunghoon said I should tell you to bring your friends.” He was explaining in a low tone and you could hear shushing in the background, your smile widening at the realization he was around some of his friends. “I’m pretty sure he’s just trying to convince Heejin to give him a tattoo but it would be safer anyways with more people.”

“Alright, yeah we’ll be there.” You were telling him back swiftly and you surprised yourself by how naturally it came out of your mouth, no stutter or hesitation.

“Cool.” You could almost hear the smile in his voice as he said the word again, almost repeating it like he did the first time but seemingly catching himself before he did. “I’ll see you there then?”

“Yeah… yeah you will.”

——

“So he like directly invited you.” Riki was asking for the sixth time that night and you sighed softly when he was bumping his elbow into your arm with a smile on his face, clearly excited about the recent development in your life.

“Is it that surprising?” Your tone was stiff along with your posture, somehow once again finding yourself in a cold line outside of a random concert venue downtown.

“Not at all Y/N.” Sunoo was quickly interjecting once he realized you were taking offense to their over excitement, offering him a small tired smile due to his habit of trying to make you feel better. “We are just happy for you.”

You were about to remind him that there was no reason to be happy or excited and that you and Heeseung had just gotten along, nothing else, but you were interrupted by the staff who was checking tickets approaching your group. You watched as he took a look at Riki’s and then his school ID, promptly marking his hand with a solid black X before he was turning towards you expectantly.

He was looking at your ID with a bored expression but before he was able to hand it back to you and give you a similar marking, he paused and did a double take as he looked at the words. “Y/N? You’re on the list.”

“The list?” Your voice was soft in confusion and buried under the sound of your friends excited squeals and laughters, feeling Joonie’s hands come up to squeeze your shoulders and shake you softly.

You weren’t understanding what was happening until you were being moved forward, hearing Heejin clarify that you all were allowed early entry before she was smiling brightly and practically caring you with the rest of them as you entered the venue ahead of everybody else. You felt a flush come up to your cheeks when you realized that Heeseung had clearly mentioned you to the staff of the building and that’s why you were currently skipping the line and heading towards the back of the venue.

It was a different place than last time, bigger and seemingly more concert specific in comparison to the bar you were at last time.

The staff member was leading you down a hallway until you were stopped in front of a door with chipping paint, a piece of paper stuck to it with tape and the bands name in big sharpie letters. You smiled softly at their names all scribbled around the bold font, knowing they must’ve stuck it outside themselves as a mock dressing room.

You felt a wave of anxiety rush up with the employee was knocking on the door twice before turning to head back outside and control the growing crowd but you didn’t have any time to panic before it was being thrown open.

“You came.” Heeseung’s eyes were wide as he looked down at you in surprise and you were parting your lips to answer him before your friends were impatiently pushing into the room, practically shoving you forward into him.

He helped steady you when you made a small noise of surprise and you were glancing up at him in embarrassment, face undoubtedly red considering he was holding onto your arms even once your feet were flat on the ground. “You look…”

You felt overwhelming self conscious when his gaze was dropping down, scanning over your outfit and body before meeting your eyes again. You’d mistakenly let Heejin and Joonie dress you after they practically spent two hours begging, remembering how awkward you felt being improperly dressed last time.

It felt even worse to be in clothes you weren’t at all used to or comfortable with and you couldn’t tell what Heeseung was thinking just based off his expression.

“It looks really good.” He was breathing out finally and you felt a wave of relief at his statement, and then self judgment for caring what he thought in the first place. “Are you sure you’ll be comfortable though? I have a sweater you can wear.”

You froze up slightly as he continued to speak to you in a calm voice, somehow sensing your anxiety over the outfit despite only speaking to you a few times. You were half flattered that he cared enough to lend you some clothes and half humiliated that he could tell you didn’t normally wear things like this.

He must’ve seen outfits like this on hundreds of girls every time he had a show, knowing half the crowd would be dressed similarly to you but wearing it with a confidence and aura that you severely lacked. You didn’t have an overwhelming presence like Heejin or an alluring personality like Joonie and you’d always felt bland in comparison.

You were awkwardly glancing around the makeshift dressing room and pleased to see your friends and the band engaging in their own excited conversations and not paying you any mind.

Then your gaze was landing on one of the mirrors across the room and you were freezing up when you caught sight of you and Heeseung, still standing closer than you’d thought you were with his hands touching your arms. You almost didn’t recognize yourself for a second and despite how awful the clothes felt against your skin, you couldn’t deny that you looked good standing next to him and his similar aesthetic.

“I’ll be alright.” You were turning back to him to answer his question definitively and you tried to hold eye contact with him for a second, easier considering his hair was falling into his face again.

He was wearing eyeliner like he had been the first time you’d seen him outside the venue but it was a lot bolder and messier this time, making his eyes even bigger than they already were but completely changing his energy and appearance in comparison to the version of him you’d seen in his basement.

“Are you nervous?” You weren’t sure why that was the next thing you said to him but his eyes lit up when you whispered the question, staring up at him with wide eyes and saying it so softly he almost didn’t catch it underneath the loud crowd in the distance and your friends behind him.

“I’m excited.” He was responding back and you knew he meant it, no sign of apprehension or hesitation on his face.

You’d never seen somebody look as intense as Heeseung did when he talked about performing, his entire demeanor changing from the awkward boy who you’d been speaking to, almost seeming unsure of himself after every sentence. He didn’t even seem to think at all when he spoke about music or being on stage and you watched him curiously as he rambled on about how it felt to be up there.

You figured he probably knew you wouldn’t ever be able to understand what he was talking about unless you did it yourself but you still felt giddy that he wanted to explain it to you.

He talked about it until another team member was poking his head in to let the boys know that soundcheck was about to start and then the doors would open, also being you and your friends queue to go and get spots in the front row.

“I’ll see you out there then?” He was smiling down at you and giving a gentle squeeze to your arm that he was still holding, your own breaking out on your face despite trying to withhold and you gave him a small nod of approval before he was disappearing out the door after the others.

Your friends were obviously excited for having caught the end of your interaction and although you rolled your eyes as they begun to tease you, you couldn’t rid yourself of the bright grin you were catching between your lips and you started to head back out into the hallway and towards where the crowd would be standing.

You felt okay for now but you were starting to get more and more anxious at the realization that soon the mass of people would surge inside towards you and you’d be stuck in your place against the barricade, white knuckling it as you contemplated heading to the back of the venue and watching from there instead so you wouldn’t embarrass yourself by having a panic attack right in front of the band.

“You know..” Heejin was leaning in against your side to whisper into your ear and you felt her hand squeezing your side affectionately. “Jake said that Heeseung’s never invited anybody to a show before.”

She was pulling away just in time to see your eyes widen in surprise, followed by your face flushing a bright red at the knowing look she was giving you. “Not even his family?”

You knew that the bands music wouldn’t necessarily be everybody’s personal taste, especially those of an older generation, but you couldn’t help but feel slightly confused that he wouldn’t ever ask anybody to come watch him perform. He was clearly proud of what he had created and more passionate than anyone you’d met before.

“It’s just him and his dad I guess.” She was shrugging softly and glancing up at the stage as she spoke. “Apparently he’s a huge hard ass about him doing music.”

Your face was falling into a small frown at what she was saying but you didn’t have a chance to respond before the lights were shutting off and immediately being replaced by the same red ones the other venue had put on for their set, hearing the sounds of the doors opening and feet swiftly approaching the stage.

Anxiety was immediately building up as you were getting more and more constricted in the crowd but you felt slightly better knowing your friends were around you, feeling Riki not so subtly shift his position so he was stood behind you and you weren’t going to be subject to any stranger pressing into your body.

You were going to turn and give him a grateful smile but you were cut off by the sounds of the crowd screaming louder than you’d ever heard, confused on what was causing it before you realized the boys were already coming out onto the stage.

They were only silhouettes at first without the spotlights turned on but you could tell it was Sunghoon who had ended up directly in front of you, glancing across the stage to see Heeseung on the other side beside Jungwon again like he had been the other weekend.

Then the lights were coming on, soft enough to keep the red glow but illuminating each member and their instruments. You smiled widely and couldn’t help the scream that leapt from your throat, joining in with your friends and the rest of the crowd as excitement started to fill you. You’d never been in a setting like this before and you were quickly understanding why it was so addicting.

You were already watching Heeseung from the moment he stepped on stage so you definitely didn’t miss the way his eyes were scanning the front section of the crowd, only settling once they passed by you before quickly backtracking as a smile curled up on his lips.

Jungwon was starting to speak into the mic and introduce them like you’d heard him do last week but you were preoccupied, watching the pink haired boy and giving him a small nod of acknowledgment with a soft smile.

Then the show was starting and you quickly realized that what you had seen last time was nothing in comparison to actually being in the crowd, an energy taking over you that you didn’t even know you possessed. You were dancing along with Heejin and gripping Sunoo’s arm in excitement as he screamed and sang along, all the while keeping your eyes on Heeseung.

He was almost like a completely different person on stage, more than just his energy considering the fact even his gaze was new to you. He was a lot more intimidating when he was staring down at you with hooded eyes, the eyeliner more smudge now and thankfully distracting you from the skillful way his fingers moved along the guitar strings.

It was hard not to think about him to the level you’d been trying to deny when he was looking at you for almost the entirety of the show, seemingly checking on you when the crowd got particularly wild and at other times almost looking smug because of how transfixed you seemed. His lip would curl into a cocky smirk that you didn’t even think he could manage and you’d feel your heart thump alive in a way it never had before.

You spent the next few months following this exact routine with him.

Every week, in the middle of it or sometimes as early as the day after a show, he’d call your house and your mom would yell your name up the stairs. He’d softly invite you to the next show and you’d excitedly tell him that you’d be there, despite knowing he already knew the answer and you knowing he just liked to hear you say it.

Sometimes you’d take your friends with you but eventually you got comfortable enough to go by yourself, you’d be let in early with a small smile to the bouncers and you’d always ask him the same question before he got on stage.

“Are you nervous?” You’d say for the dozenth time even though you knew by now that he wasn’t but every single time his eyes would light up with that fire and passion that you’d been so sucked in by and he’d always repeat the same words back in the same tone.

“I’m excited.”

Heeseung liked it best when you came to his shows so you did it every weekend you were free, even when you’d get too overwhelmed and have to sit in the dressing room or behind the stage if it was available, he just liked knowing you were there to see him and he expressed it to you every single time.

You got closer over that time outside of watching him play too, taking longer to get over that awkwardness you both carried outside of the venues when the adrenaline died down but eventually you’d stopped hanging out solely within your respective groups and started to spend some time alone together.

He’d pick you up in his shitty run down car and your mom would glare at him from the living room window, watching his hair go from pink to blue then to a red that had taken you back a few steps with its brightness when you’d first seen it.

“That’s.. a strong choice.” You’d said after you buckled your seatbelt and you were reaching forward to run your hand through it before you even had a second to think about it.

“My dad hates the color red.” Was all he had responded with and you watched the side of his face as he smiled softly and put the car into drive.

Heeseung wasn’t the most stable person to be around at times but you eventually realized that you’d never felt as comfortable taking up space as you did when you were with him, an addicting feeling that you almost had no choice but to lean forward into and you were thankful that he was always around to catch you.

You’d sit in the basement with the boys as they practiced new songs and Jake had even attempted to teach you to play some songs on the guitar, going to him for help because it felt less intimidating than asking one of the actual guitar players.

It was somehow easy to mesh into their routines and hobbies despite how different you were than them and your most fun high school memories all featured your old friends and new ones hanging out together, all packed into booths at late night diners after a particularly good show or getting makeshift tattoos from Heejin in the familiar basement that you’d spent most of the year in by the time graduation rolled around.

Heeseung was a year older than you and already graduated before you’d met him but he’d made sure to attend and watch you and your friends walk, minus Riki who still had a year left.

You’d all rushed out of the ceremony hall and squished in his car so you could drive across town and watch the rest of his friends at their own school, cheering for them all in your different colored graduation gowns and ignoring the embarrassed look on Jungwon’s face when he gave his class president speech at the beginning.

There were a lot of highs but it all came with lows too and those took you longer to adjust to.

You weren’t exactly sure how to handle it when Heeseung would show up at your house late at night, sometimes bleeding from various places on his face or panting like he’d run all the way there. You’d quickly pull him inside and ignore your moms questioning shout asking who was at the door.

Eventually you had sat her down after dinner and told her that sometimes Heeseung had issues with his dad and he didn’t have anywhere else to go, which was a slight lie on your part but you knew it felt true to him considering he never considered any other options before heading in your direction even if it was across town and a lot less welcoming than one of his friends houses.

She never was a big fan of him, of any of your friends but especially him, despite the gentle way he always said hello to her upon entry and his countless attempts to get on her good side. You’d tried to explain to him that it wasn’t anything personal or anything he was doing wrong and it was just how your mother was but he seemed particularly upset about it despite normally not caring what people thought of him.

“It’s your mom, it’s different.” He was stressing his words to emphasize that it was because she was related to you that it mattered to him and you were furrowing your eyebrows and turning to look at him.

You were sat on your bed together, two months before it happened, and sharing a pair of headphones that was playing a scratchy demo of a song he’d been working on. You were popping the tape out of the device so it would stop abruptly as you sat up a little bit to be able to see his face better.

“Why do you say stuff like that?” You were asking him and he sighed softly like he always did when you begun to pry for answers regarding his behavior towards you.

Despite the way you felt around him and the fact you’d practically become inseparable in the summer following graduation, you’d never directly talked about what your relationship was or even crossed a line that would definitely give you an unspoken answer. Outside of some longing glances and hands resting a little too low on your back, you’d remained pretty platonic other than your own inner thoughts and emotions.

“Don’t know.” He was mumbling softly as he looked at you and you squinted your eyes at him in disbelief but eventually you sighed and shifted back so you were resting against your headboard again, shoulder pressed into his tightly.

When it finally happened, you pretty much assumed that your life was going to abruptly end.

The boys had been growing in popularity now that they were out of school and able to do music full time, still underaged but building enough connections with the local music scene and venues to be able to play more frequently and to older and grittier crowds.

Mixed with the rise of the internet and MTV music videos filled with long haired rockstars and half naked women, it didn’t take long for their talents to get noticed by a few different people who swore they were from the next big company and could guarantee to make Echoes of Riot each millionaires respectfully, offers that were all swiftly turned down by Heeseung (with the advice of Sunoo who had begun to fill a management like role within the group).

You’d never paid much mind to what stardom would mean for the boys despite believing to the deepest part of your heart that they deserved it and were more talented than most the people you heard over the radio. For some reason, some childish idiotic reason, you figured they’d spend the rest of your lives being teenagers playing in bars around your small hometown.

Then one night after a particularly long show, all the boys panting and sweaty as they headed back to their dressing rooms, a man had approached them similarly to the way others did almost nightly.

You knew right away that something was different this time and your friends did too, watching silently as the group stopped in their steps towards the back rooms and actually begun to pay attention to what the man was saying. Heeseung’s eyes were flickering up to yours and you raised your eyebrows at him from where you sat at the bar, shifting out of your seat when he beckoned you closer with a quick flick of his fingers.

The rest of your friends followed you and all of you made your way back to the rooms with the band and the man.

He didn’t seem at all bothered by the additional people in the room as he started to repeat his pitch behind closed doors and your heart started to clench nervously when you realized why he seemed so different.

Min Yoongi actually cared about the music quality and spreading a proper message through your work and performances, opening his monologue with descriptions of how he felt hearing and watching the videos Riki had been posting online of the group and you watched as his eyes twinkled with a passion you’d only ever seen before from the boy sitting next to you.

His hand was resting on your arm and draping over your shoulder on the couch but he couldn’t have been further away from you in that moment, holding onto every word Yoongi was saying and leaning forward occasionally to enthusiastically agree with something he was saying.

It was a jarring change after seeing him barely give the other music people a second of his time for the last few months but you understood that they had this connection you simply weren’t capable of understanding, a mutual trust built through having the same dream and passion and by the end of the first meeting, even without anything even halfway confirmed, you knew things were going to change from then on out.

Yoongi didn’t have a lot of money to invest into the boys but he was dedicated to promoting them and helping them with levels of production you’d only get with decades of experience, upping their discography to even higher levels and it wasn’t long before he was proving himself right.

“Tour?” Your voice was breaking around the word Heeseung had just said, continuing his sentence afterwards but you hadn’t heard a thing he’d said after that, your ears ringing as your face paled. “You’re leaving?”

He was faltering at the unexpected upset in your voice and you would’ve felt guilty for not matching his level of enthusiasm but you couldn’t help the wave of panic overwhelming you as you continued to try and process what he was saying.

“Hey, hey Y/N listen to me.” His voice was soft and you could feel his hand reaching forward to touch and cup your cheek, softly swiping his thumb over your smooth hot skin and shifting on the bed so he was closer to you. “It would only be for a few months, then I’d be coming back. We’d all be coming back.”

You’d somehow not processed the fact that going on tour meant the other boys would be also leaving with him and another wave of sickness swept over you at the realization you’d be losing most of your friends in one swoop, the most constant and positive thing in your entire life since you’d met them.

“I don’t want to leave, baby you know I’d never just leave.” He was quickly continuing when he realized he’d made it worse and your eyes shot up to him at the use of the pet name falling from his lips so casually despite never hearing it directed towards you before. He didn’t even seem to notice that he had said it and he was continuing on despite the surprise on your face. “But… I mean this is it.”

His words were vague but you knew exactly what they meant.

This was the end of the road for the life you’d been so happily living because despite how content and happy you were watching them play small and intimate shows, Heeseung had this hunger for more that would never be satisfied in a place like your hometown.

He didn’t mean to break your heart of course and you were definitely at fault for stupidly falling in love with a rockstar, falling victim to the oldest cliche in the book as you sat at the bus station and cried into Joonie’s shoulder. You watched as their tour bus got further and further out of sight before it was turning a corner and disappearing with all of them on it.

Things were the roughest they’d ever been for the first few months the boys were gone.

Your typical routine had been shattered and you were back to existing like a corpse, moving around from one task to the next with no real excitement or purpose. You’d never necessarily gained one but being around somebody as passionate and driven as Heeseung was like getting a secondhand high and you’d been riding the wave of his interest for the last year, now alone out at sea and stuck scrubbing the counters of a coffee shop in the small downtown area of your city.

You tried to write for the first month or two but eventually it got too hard for you to handle and you started to let Heeseung’s letters pile up. He’d still call your home phone but your mom stopped letting you know when he did and sometimes you’d hear her softly telling him that you weren’t feeling good and she’d have you call back later. She never brought it up and neither did you.

He’d call Heejin and Riki too and sometimes you’d hear his voice when you were talking to Sunoo on the phone. He’d went with them on tour after Yoongi had asked him to be their official team manager, giving him more time to handle the business side of things while Sunoo dealt with their personal schedules and issues. You’d listen to your friend lie and say he was talking to his sister and you’d thank him softly as he sighed and asked why you couldn’t just talk to your shared friend.

You didn’t know how to explain that Heeseung was something you needed to get clean from and hearing from him in small doses would make it ten times harder for you to function.

It was too much to say that his letters kept you awake all night crying as you read about how much he missed you followed by random sketches and song lyrics he was writing about you. They wouldn’t understand why you dropped a full plate of food the first time you heard them on the radio at work or why you stayed up all night to see their first actual interview on TV.

Eventually people stopped mentioning the band to you or at least spoke like the main guitarist and face of the group didn’t exist. It was easy enough to avoid for the first six months and then the articles started to roll out.

The boys hadn’t come home after their first tour and they were “temporarily” staying out in New York where there was more of a network and better opportunities. Part of you was grateful Heeseung hadn’t moved back to town, knowing you’d run into him eventually but you couldn’t stop thinking about him regardless considering the news being put out with his name on the headlines.

“That’s his third fight this week Sunoo.” You were spitting over the phone, balancing it between your shoulder and ear as you aggressively scrubbed at a dish that’d already been clean for the past few minutes. “Aren’t you supposed to be keeping them in check?”

“You don’t think I’m trying Y/N?” His voice was exhausted and desperate and you felt bad immediately for snapping at him, knowing your real anger didn’t result from him. “I have no idea what to do, I’ve never seen him like this.”

All the boys had been subject to some controversy as they continued to gain quick fame and admirers but like always, your brain was laser focused on Heeseung. He was getting into drunken fights routinely and being reported with multiple women who may or may not be fans who like to kiss and tell, photos of him and the other boys looking worse and worse each passing weekend as their rockstar lifestyle truly blossomed into an absolute disaster.

Eventually you started to find yourself ignoring the news again, becoming accustomed to it and already knowing what it was going to be every time Riki sighed entering your job and slid a magazine in your direction.

Three years passed like this and while you had stopped crying every night from how much you missed Heeseung and your other friends, if you could even consider them that considering the lack of communication over the years, you still felt that empty feeling in your skin as you robotically went about your routines and lifeless activities that didn’t hold any real purpose or grand result.

At the end of the third year, stretching into a point where you’d been away from Heeseung longer than you were ever with him, Heejin had told you that the band was back in town.

She’d called you and hesitantly let you know that she had run into Jay at the local grocery store a few hours ago, citing that she hadn’t thought much about it until she was back at her tattoo shop and thinking about you possibly running into one of the boys for as long as they stuck around this time. You’d thanked her for the heads up and then buried your head into your arms in upset, both at how little distance was between you and Heeseung and also regarding the fact Sunoo hadn’t even bothered to tell you they were around.

Half of you expected it, knowing you weren’t teenagers anymore standing in a cold concert line and he didn’t owe you any update on his whereabouts, clearly not telling Heejin either considering her shock upon seeing a familiar face.

Joonie however seemed to know all about it when you hesitatingly mentioned it over lunch with her and Riki after he’d asked you why you seemed so on edge. “Well it’s been on their tour show list for like four months.”

“And you didn’t think to tell anyone?” Riki was voicing your thoughts before you could and his face was curled up in annoyance and betrayal as he shoved a fry into his mouth, clearly just as caught off guard as you and hurt considering he’d also gotten close to the members before they’d left and he was friends with Sunoo for as long as you.

“You always tell me not to talk about them in front of Y/N.” She was whining out and you glanced at the younger boy who looked slightly sheepish as she said something he clearly meant to keep private.

She wasn’t necessarily wrong and you’d grown to realize being around her was going to be hard considering how big of a fan she remained of the band even after their decline into scandal, simultaneously acting like any other fan girl and somehow also constantly bragging to others about how she knew them personally before they’d blown up. Maybe she had mentioned their return at some point but it’d been years since you started to tune her out.

“So they’re not staying?” You were finally speaking again, your voice weak and curious and she gave you a knowing look before nodding and patting your hand.

You weren’t sure why you felt overwhelmingly disappointed that they’d eventually leave again despite the fact you planned to spend the entire time they were here avoiding them and hiding out in your apartment. It was probably for the same reason she was giving you a pity filled look and Riki was picking at the skin around his nails.

It only took a few days for Joonie to push the limit on how much of her interest in the band you could take, answering her late night call to hear her hysterical as she screamed over the sound of passing cars and told you she’d completely stalled on the highway and was going to miss the show.

You told yourself that you began immediately putting on your shoes and grabbing your keys because you were a good friend and you kept repeating it in your head the entire drive to her location, swearing over and over that it had nothing to do with putting yourself closer to Heeseung. Even after her and her two friends had gotten in your car with his face on their tshirts, you swallowed your tongue and promised your heart it wasn’t for any other reason.

It wasn’t because you wanted to see the thousands of fans outside the arena, the show being on the nicer side of town and twenty minutes away from the venues they used to hold small performances for.

They thanked you continuously as you parked and then Joonie was pulling you aside to guilty whisper that you’d need to get your parking validate to be able to leave and return to pick them back up. A wave of nausea rolled over you but you were still convincing yourself you didn’t care so you swallowed your sickness and gave her a tight smile before following them outside the car.

“The booths over there.” She was telling you once you’d gotten inside and she had a wide smile on her face that matched her friends, clutching her ticket and practically beaming with excitement. “So we’ll see you at 11:30?”

“Mhm.” You didn’t trust your voice enough to speak and not give away how you were feeling so you hummed out a response to her question you barely processed before watching them squeal and walk towards the actual check in and entrance.

You rubbed your fingers together anxiously before glancing to your right and sighing seeing the line of people waiting to get their parking validated, teenage girls who looked like they barely could drive mixed in with dads and boyfriends who looked just as exhausted and irritated as you were starting to feel.

For a second you considered just leaving the girls there and asking Heejin or Riki to pick them up afterwards so you could drink yourself delirious and forget you’d ever been this close to the band but your heart clenched thinking about them having to experience the same thing and you told yourself again that you were trying to be a good friend.

You’d been standing in the line for twenty minutes, holding onto your last strand of patience and curiously listening to the fans around you talking about the boys with so much awe and wonderment.

You couldn’t help but smile at some things, hearing them gush about Jungwon’s cheeks or rave about how sexy Sunghoon’s newest guitar was and you felt a bit stupid for the pride filling your chest. You’d been avoiding them and their music, never listening to anything they’d put out in recent years but you felt happy for them knowing they were still igniting that same excitement in people even if they seemed to have lost the passion themselves.

It was almost exactly twenty one minutes later when you were feeling something tap against your shoulder, whipping your head to the side to see who had bumped into you before freezing up completely.

He had a mask on and a hat almost covering his eyes but you knew immediately who it was, eyes widening as you looked at him and then glanced around your surroundings to see if anybody had recognized him too.

“The fans don’t pay much attention to anyone without an instrument.” Sunoo was saying and you could hear him smiling even if you couldn’t see most of his face, breathing out a sigh of relief and pulling him in for a hug before you had a second to think about it.

He accepted it immediately and you were grateful that he wasn’t being distant with you despite the fact that was all you’d shown each other in recent years, melting into your hold as your eyes pricked with tears considering how much taller and thinner he was now. Sometimes when you thought of the boys, they were frozen in time and still teenagers in your head and you felt a bit dizzy as the illusion broke right in front of you.

“How’d you know I was here?” You were whispering out into his chest and then pulling back to stare up at him in amazement, scanning over his covered face.

“Sunghoon saw the hundreds of messages Joonie had sent… she actually had the guts to ask him to pick her up after her car stalled.” He was explaining and you felt embarrassed for your friend even though Sunoo was laughing like it was something funny. You got annoyed with her behavior but she was still your friend and you almost felt offended for her knowing they’d all been laughing at her attempts to reach out, no matter how baseless her connection with them seemed on their side. “We figured that you would’ve been the one to answer her calls.”

“We?” You were asking the second the word fell from his lips and a flash of regret passed over his face. “Do they all know I’m here?”

“Except for him.” He was explaining and you felt his hand squeezing your arm to try and calm you down, a flash of familiarity running through you at the feeling despite slowly recognizing the boy in front of you less and less. “But I imagine one of them is going to slip up sooner or later.”

You were nodding in understanding but your heart started to thump with anxiety and you were grateful that the arena was so full, hoping Heeseung wasn’t dumb enough to run out into a waiting room of fans to try and see you.

“I have to go.” You were practically forcing the words out and your face was pulling into a grimace as you said them, feeling short of breath and dizzy as your past and present finally started to collide despite your years of effort. “Can you…”

You were gesturing towards the parking validation ticket in your hand and he glanced down at it before looking back at your panicked eyes and nodding softly, squeezing your arm one more time before he was taking it and giving you the go ahead to get out of the arena before your chest exploded.

You didn’t know exactly what to say to him, you weren’t sure if this was a see you later or another long term goodbye and he seemed to be thinking the same thing, nodding again when you smiled sadly at him and took a few steps backwards.

Nearly losing your footing as you turned around, you were dizzyingly making your way out of the arenas main center and pushing back out into the chilled air. Your lungs tried to suck in deep breaths and you hurriedly made your way back to the parking garage but you were failing miserably and you eventually gave up all together, pausing in your quick strides and resting again the building with your eyes shut tight.

It wasn’t at all quiet, fans still gathered outside before the show and traffic beeps and honks as people tried to get in and out of the busy area, but your head felt empty and shut down.

The sound of footsteps approaching you crept into your dizzy brain and you took a deep breath before looking up, somehow already knowing who it was going to be without so much as a glance. He was stopping a few feet away from you when you looked up and your legs felt weaker as you stared at him in silence.

He was wearing a mask and a hat like Sunoo and whilst you’d been disappointed earlier about not being able to see your old friends face, now you were extremely grateful for the coverage. It didn’t help much considering you could still see the most recognizable part of him, his big eyes blinking at you in shock.

“You don’t look that surprised.” Heeseung’s voice was shockingly similar to how it was last time you’d heard it in person, the tone only slightly deeper and the only major change being the lifelessness behind his words as he watched you stand up straight.

He was right, for some reason you weren’t at all shocked to see him in front of you but he was in the same spot as you considering he came to find you in the first place. “Should I be? You’re here aren’t you?”

You heard him scoff softly before he was turning his head to look around the area, handful of fans still wandering around but slowly starting to disperse as they made their way insides to find their seats and buy the merch. He was glancing back at you quickly and then he was reaching up to take his mask off.

He didn’t say anything for a while after he took it off and you just stared at him, scanning over his face and the difference that time had handed to him. His features were a lot sharper now, growing into his nose and ears perfectly and you once again were hit with the reality that you’d been apart for a long time and the boy you knew was long gone.

“Sunoo validated your ticket.” He was starting to speak suddenly, awkwardness seeping into his tone due to your prolonged silent stare and you watched him dig into his pocket to retrieve the crumbled up piece of paper the parking machine had given you. “He got busy so I just brought it out.”

“He got busy?” You questioned and took a step forward away from the building, taking it from him swiftly and wincing when your finger brushed against his. “You’re the one in the band.”

He didn’t say anything to that, clearly lying about why he had been the one to bring the ticket out but making no move to correct himself or attempt to be honest with you. You didn’t really mind considering you were in a similar boat, having no real reason to rest again the building like you had other than buying yourself more time in the area.

“You’re not staying?” He was asking and his voice broke slightly which caused a large frown to form on your face, not sure why he had to even ask considering you both knew you weren’t going to watch his show.

“I’ll be back after to..” You awkwardly trailed off and lifted your hand that was clutching the parking ticket, indicating the reason you were there and watching him carefully. “Are you nervous?”

He tensed up as the familiar words fell from your lips and you felt like the air stopped moving for a second before he answered. He’d heard it asked thousands of times since it last was in your voice in that specific tone but it never bothered him before after the first year.

It was asked genuinely by other people, actually wondering if he was feeling nervous or at times doubting his abilities and using it as a way to get under his skin. Nobody ever made the simple question feel as important as you did and he understood why now that he was older and had plenty of time to think about it. You asked him, not because you thought he was or you figured he wouldn’t be able to handle the stage and the pressure, but because you knew it ignited a fire in him.

You’d ask him just to hear him repeat back in a firm voice how excited he was, to see that passion flare up in his eyes and give him an opportunity to voice some solid self confidence before he got up there to perform.

You knew right away that the phrase brought him back as far in time as it did you but your stomach turned at the blank look on his face, nothing arising to the surface at the triggered memory and instead he almost looked like he was deflating as you stood there.

“I’m just… tired.” He was eventually muttering back and clearing his throat before anxiously scratching at the back of his neck, both of you knowing the weight of his unusual answer and preparing to cripple under it once you were out of the suffocating hold his gaze had on you.

The both of you stood there for a few seconds longer before you could hear the screaming getting louder from inside, his head turning towards the building before looking back at you with a defeated expression. You knew without him saying it that he needed to go and that same feeling you had with Sunoo started to creep up again, not knowing what type of goodbye this was.

“There’s a second show tomorrow.” He was rushing out and then chewing on his lip ring as he avoided your questioning gaze. “You’ll be on the list.”

He glanced at you one more time but he seemed to understand that you weren’t going to give him a definite response, nodding his head in conclusion before he was turning around and jogging back towards the side entrance of the arena.

All the air returned to your lungs once he was finally out of sight and then immediately left again once you broke into a heavy sob, stumbling back a bit before quickly gathering your emotions and trying your best to hold yourself together.

You were quickly wiping your tears and glancing around to make sure nobody had been a witness to your abrupt meltdown, reminding yourself why you were there in the first place and heading back to your car like your world hadn’t just been taken off pause.

——

It had only taken you two seconds after the invitation fell from Heeseung’s lips to decide that you were going to go to the show.

He had said it like it was a question but the look in his eye told you that he didn’t think you’d come, but he still had invited you and that stupid part of you felt like that had to mean something. You’d had Riki pick the girls up from the concert that night and you ignored Joonie’s calls and the countless uploads she’d had from the concert.

You didn’t need to see the boys performing like nothing had happened, like your entire life hadn’t been flipped outside down with just a few sentences from the boy you’d tried your hardest to forget about the past few years.

It was a bit hypocritical considering you were currently back at the same exact place you were running from yesterday, this time walking in the opposite direction of the parking validation booth and awkwardly approaching the ticketing line. You felt like an idiot telling the staff that you were on the list, seeing their annoyed expressions and knowing they must hear it a dozen times a night from fan girls trying to get backstage.

“Nice try but there’s only ever been one name on the list and trust me, that seats never been taken.” The man was talking to you in a bored tone and your heart clenched at the implication of what he was saying.

You wondered if it was something Heeseung had done at the beginning of the tour in case you decided to come to one of the shows but he knew you well enough to know you never would and you certainly would never stride in the place without a ticket expecting to be on the list.

Eventually you figured that he had put you on there with the hopes that one day he’d have the guts to invite you and your heart shattered a bit more thinking about the fact that he never did, never even attempting as far as you were concerned and aware of. You cleared your throat awkwardly and rummaged in your bag to pull out your ID and hand it to the man silently.

His eyes flickered down to it for a second before looking back up at your face and you saw a wave of shock come over him, immediately followed by embarrassment for doubting you in the first place.

You gave him an awkward half smile and then an appreciative nod when he was stepping aside and allowing you to enter the main performance area. You were pausing at the top of the entrance way, eyes scanning over the large arena and feeling a bit sick considering how many seats were there and how few of them were empty.

You were starting to regret showing up and preparing to turn around and head back out before the show started but you were snapped out of your panic when your phone was ringing in your pocket. You were snatching it out in hopes that it was one of your friends trying to calm you down but your eyebrows furrowed when you saw it was an unknown number.

Finger hovering over the decline button, you had half the mind to consider the fact it might be Heeseung and you were answering it and putting it to your ear before you had a second to think about it.

“You actually came.” You immediately tensed up when the voice was filtering through the speaker, different and raspier but you knew who it was from the first word.

“How do you know I’m here?” You were dumbly asking and glancing around you like he was going to be standing in the shadows somewhere, frowning slightly when he laughed into the phone.

“He told them to alert him immediately if you ever showed up.” Jake was saying as an explanation and halfway confirming your suspicions about how long you’d been kept on the list despite never coming or reaching out to them. “And you’re finally here.”

“I’m not staying.” You were saying quickly and a rough edge seeped into your voice, something you hadn’t had last time he knew you but he also hadn’t been so cocky and demeaning last time you spoke to him so you were equal in that sense.

He was sighing softly and you paused at the sound, not expecting him to sound so defeated. You’d spoken to Jake more than the others over the years, only a few times but he had come home once or twice to visit family and it was hard to avoid him considering he actively was seeking you and the others out each time.

You weren’t really sure why he kept coming around and eventually you realized that he didn’t seem to know why either, looking more and more lost and less like himself every time you saw him. Jake was always so carefree and happy to be around that time you’d all spent together, genuinely seeming like he felt lucky for all of you and the music they were making together.

This new version of him was the most jarring to you out of everybody else because he had gotten sad and then he had gotten very very cold, almost angry every time you saw him and always feeling like he was on the edge of snapping.

You imagine that helped him out on the stage and you finally felt like he fit the rough drummer image that had been given to him by fans and media despite never making that connection yourself when you had known him. So to hear him sigh softly hearing that you were planning on leaving before they even performed, you were stopping in your tracks and finding yourself willing to hear him out.

“He doesn’t know you’re here yet and he’s driving himself so insane that he’s sick in the bathroom.” He was saying in a lower tone and you imagined that staff and other members were around him considering how soon the show was going to start. “No one can get him to come out but I have a feeling on who might.”

Tears were filling your eyes as he spoke about Heeseung’s condition but you were shaking your head in denial despite the fact he couldn’t see you, wiping your face with your sleeve before whispering back to him in a shaky tone. “I can’t do this Jake.”

“Please Y/N.” He was quickly retorting back and he sounded so similar to how he used to that you felt floored. His tone was genuine and filled with concern for his friend and you’d almost forgotten what he sounded like when he cared about something. “All these years you haven’t answered him, please don’t leave yet. Atleast get him on stage and then you can go and I’ll make sure he can’t find you for the rest of the time we’re here.”

Your breath was catching at the last half of his rushed statement and you were covering your mouth for a second with a shaky hand. It took you a few breaths to think of what to say and he stayed silent on the other line throughout it.

“Promise me.” You were mumbling out and clutching the device so hard you were worried it would crack, hearing nothing on the other side for a bit as your stomach bubbled with thick anxiety. “Promise me you’ll keep him away from me after this.”

It went silent again and you were almost positive that he had hung up the phone before he was speaking again in a defeated tone. “I promise.”

——

If you had gone back to the week before and told yourself that you’d be standing in a room with all of your old friends, you would’ve probably hid under the counter at work and begged future you to leave you alone.

You were trying your best to not showcase the fact that you were absolutely freaking out and filling with more and more devastation every time one of them spoke in their lifeless and annoyed tones, bickering behind you about the purpose of your presence and debating wether it was a good idea or not to allow you to be the one to try and gather Heeseung.

“He invited her for a reason Hoon.” Sunoo was sighing in your defense but he didn’t seem optimistic about it either, barely sparing you a glance since you walked through the door and anxiously checking his walkie talkie every few minutes to try and update the staff.

“Because he saw her yesterday and it fucked him up, he’s not in his right mind.” Jay was snapping before Sunghoon could answer for himself and you flinched at his loud tone, taking a step back when he was standing off the couch and throwing an arm in your general direction to emphasize that it was your fault.

You were frowning deeply at the accusation, not understanding how it could possibly be your fault that Heeseung was having a melt down especially when they didn’t seem that rare for him, his general anxiety and mental health another constant topic in the tabloids.

They continued to argue and you did your best to tune them out while simultaneously trying to ignore the fact Jungwon was silently staring at you from the corner and Jake was only a few feet away from you with his arms crossed. He hadn’t said much to come to your defense but he was continuously shooting you glances like he was trying to monitor your reactions.

You might as well have been in a room full of amped up strangers, possibly high as they paced and jittered about and a part of you felt like you were grieving now that you knew there would be no way to pretend things were still the same, no more pretending time was frozen and nothing had changed.

“Have any of you been able to calm him down this entire time?” You were suddenly asking from near the wall and it was the first time you’d spoken since you’d gotten in there.

The reaction was immediate and varying from each boy, half of them tensing up and looking more frustrated at the sound of your familiar voice and the others almost instantaneously losing the tension in their shoulders with softened eyes. It was like they hadn’t fully processed you being there until you spoke, talking around you in hypotheticals like you imagined they’d been doing over the years.

You wondered if you were a topic they were supposed to avoid mentioning like Heeseung had become for you. Then you selfishly wondered if they’d missed you at all.

Nobody answered for a while and then Jungwon was shaking his head softly, holding your gaze with a sympathetic look that caused you to nod in understanding. “Isn’t it worth a try then?”

“We have 15 minutes.” Sunghoon was saying in that same cold tone he’d been using but it held some level of defeat this time, slumping back into the couch and saying no form of the objection he had voiced so quickly earlier.

You were being directed to a hallway suddenly by Sunoo and before you could say anything or ask why he was ushering you out, he was hastily pointing to a door and scurrying off back towards the dressing room. You didn’t necessarily need him to explain, hearing the soft sobs and gags coming from behind the door now, but you wished he had given you a bit more time to collect yourself or think of something to say.

You took a deep breath and decided to not stall and try to gather some of the might you had the other night, pushing through the door and pausing once you were on the other side of it.

“If I have to tell you to fuck off one more time I’m going to get everybody in this shitty arena fired.”

Heeseung’s voice was coming from one of the stalls and your entire body locked up at the sound of it, never hearing him quite so angry before but also never hearing him sound so empty and wrecked. He was clearly holding back his sobs now that somebody was in there but you could see one of his leather boots poking into the stall next to his, laying on the floor and most likely clutching the toilet.

You were approaching the plastic door without saying anything and tugging on it softly once you were close to it, your fingers curling around the top of it and pulling it towards you with a small shake.

Heeseung’s words about the arena being shitty weren’t necessarily incorrect considering the lock on the door was immediately budging and it was flying open towards you, revealing you standing behind it to his swollen eyes and allowing you to see his frame curled up on the floor in a sickened despair.

He looked beyond surprised to see you and you were almost worried he was going to throw up again just from the shock of your arrival, his body locking up and then immediately tensing even more when you were taking a reluctant step inside the stall with him. You may have been practically strangers with a heavy history now but you still knew Heeseung better than you knew yourself most days and you felt that same comfort and familiarity as you always did.

So you were sinking to the dirty floor across from him and sighing softly, letting your head lean against the wall of the stall and glancing at him hesitantly.

“You came.” He was finally breathing out and his voice sounded tight because of your close proximity, not necessarily touching but the closest you’d been in almost half a decade. He was struggling to sit up but he eventually managed and stretched his legs out in your direction, both of you sitting in the same position across from each other.

“You invited me.” You whispered back to him with a small sad smile that was slipping away as fast as it came. “I was on the list.”

He didn’t laugh but you could tell he appreciated your attempts to lighten the situation, eyes softening slightly at the way your shoulders raised into a small casual shrug.

“What’s happening Heeseung?” You were asking him but you both knew what it was already and you felt just as sick as he looked as you said his name, almost feeling like a swear word as it fell from your lips naturally. “Why are we here right now?”

“You…” He was pausing as his voice shook and you watched him closely, not missing the way he was avoiding looking in your direction and instead staring down at the shaky hands that were picking at his fingers in his lap. “You stopped answering the letters, you wouldn’t talk to me anymore.”

Your shoulders deflated as he spoke in a hurt voice, clearly being bothered by your lack of communication and not at all understanding why you had done it in the first place. You admit that it was a bit childish on your side to completely cut him off without a final conversation but you knew Heeseung would never just let you go like you needed.

“It was only supposed to be a few months Hee, you said you’d come home and you never did.” You tried to keep your tone less accusatory than his but you were also extremely hurt by what he had done.

You’d spend the entirety of your time with Heeseung making him your source of happiness and that was your first mistake because he was always bound to leave. He was always set after something much bigger than your town could ever offer but you guess a stupid part of you thought that you would be enough for him to stay.

You didn’t want him to give up his dreams, it was the entire reason you fell for him in the first place but you just wished time could stay frozen in that summer.

It’d been years and you still could feel him sitting next to you, never smoking with the others because you didn’t even though you knew he did it when you weren’t around. He was always supporting you like that and even though neither of you ever said it out loud, you knew he loved you too. It wasn’t his fault that he loved music more and you could never compare to the feeling it gave him but you tried your hardest.

Sometimes you thought it was working, when he’d come over after practice and you’d lay together in your backyard with its overgrown grass. You’d feel it tickling against your bare skin when you laughed at a stupid joke he made and rolled in the other direction clutching your stomach.

Other times you were once again hit with the reminder that he was only temporary, you’d see him zone out listening over and over to tracks he’d been producing or his eyes would go wide with amazement any time you went to a show that wasn’t his.

And you were completely right about him being temporary up until now, watching him sit across from you with that broken expression on his face that made you sick every time you locked eyes with him. You weren’t sure what exactly started his decline, you felt guilt for playing a large part in it but you didn’t think it would be much difference if you had stuck around his life anyways.

Maybe you would’ve begged him to come home when he started going to star filled parties, too many drugs to avoid and too much pressure to fit in to not indulge. Maybe you would’ve called Yoongi and demanded for a hiatus, giving you some time to come see him or bring him back home for a week or two to calm him and his system down.

Maybe you wouldn’t have ended up on the dirty floor of a public bathroom where he was vomiting his guts out just a few minutes ago. You could’ve been back in your long grass or pressed next to him on his dads old couch, still just as young and just as silently inlove with the boy with pretty pink hair and eyes so wide and amazed you couldn’t help but drink them in.

“I would’ve stayed.” He was finally forcing out the words necessary to snap you from your thoughts, the words you’d been considering for the past few years. “If you told me to stay I would have in a second.”

“And then what?” You were retorting quickly but your tone was weak and sad instead of bitter and iced over, shaking your head softly and giving him another sad smile and humorless laugh as you considered the option. “We grow old together with you secretly hating me for ruining your dreams, I live with the guilt of making you do that.”

“I could never hate you. Nothing could ever make me hate you, trust me I’ve tried.” His tone was the opposite of yours, aggressive and nasty as he spat out the words like they burned but you knew his anger wasn’t directed at you necessarily.

You let the two of you fall into an unfamiliar silence, giving him time to collect himself before he accidentally said something he’d eventually end up regretting even more than he already was.

He didn’t say anything either and he seemed to understand what you were doing, sighing out a shuttered breath before he was scooting forward across the floor until his knees were knocking against yours. You glanced up at him and your face fell at the exhausted look on his face, leaning forward similarly until you could wrap your hands around his and squeeze them tightly with your thumbs rubbing over his calloused skin.

Heeseung was sucking in a breath at the feeling of you touching him and then he was breaking into small hiccuped sobs that left you feeling heavy and lost on what you could do to help him.

You were letting yourself sink back into the past when you were moving forward even more so you could pull him closer towards you, his upper half practically in your lap now as you cradled his head and softly pet his damp hair that was dyed black now and messily falling into his eyes.

Your own eyes were falling shut and you were resting yourself on top of him, half hugging each other and half just giving up and letting the weight of his body and yours combine into a mess of limbs and heavy sobs. It was making you feel both better and worse, feeling him so close again but not knowing if it was the last time and also holding the knowledge that you’d missed such a large portion of time with him like this.

It wasn’t possible to get back everything you’d missed, it wasn’t possible to rewind and start over and you weren’t sure there was any way to prevent this amount of hurt anyways.

You could’ve asked him to stay with you all those years ago but then you’d never see that light within him again and you know it would always be on the back of his mind, his fingers and heart always aching for more than what you could give him and you’d stay up countless nights regretting making him give that up for you.

Maybe if you had answered his letters, picked up his relentless calls and heard him out when he didn’t come home. He could’ve had a good reason or maybe just hearing him finally say he loved you would be enough for you to handle the impossible distance.

So many what ifs that you’d never get the answer to because you weren’t there and you’d never get back there again no matter how much your heart still held onto the past and your love together.

Instead you were here and this was where the road with him had led you, cradling each other as the crowd cheered for him outside and it fell on your deaf ears. You knew he wasn’t going to let you go and you weren’t going to make him, you weren’t going to make him choose again and you didn’t know if that would be enough this time but you listened to him cry and prayed it would be.

Heeseung sung out a choir of sobs and gasps into your chest and you knew you would stay with him for as long as he needed you too, until his cries died down or your legs went numb.

Until the cheers fell into silence and the fans went home for the night disappointed, at least holding the knowledge that the music would still be there tomorrow.

You still weren’t positive that he was really here with you and he still felt as fleeting and temporary as he did when you first had met him, wide eyed and stuttered conversations. It was only a small flicker of hope and comfort that your love for him was the most permanent thing you’d ever experienced.

And that small flicker was more than enough for you.

[acerikus]

G o d. All gekkos' outertale posting makes me wanna talk more in depth about the characterisation and plot issues in this game and why they bother me...

(readmore bc holy fuck this got long, it's probably like 5k words. It's also pretty much all salt, categorised by character)

Toriel

Why. Why is she like this. Kinda feels like the creator of the game hates her and if they don't, they have a weird way of showing it. She's treated as overdramatic and unjustified in her anger at asgore despite the fact that he DID declare war on humanity and he DID willingly let the people believe he was killing human children to harvest their souls. Even if he didn't do it for real in this game, she has every right to be angry and to not trust him, and it CERTAINLY doesn't make her undeserving to be a mother or whatever. Idk about you, but I don't think wanting kids to stay away from a man yelling about wanting to kill every child that crosses him makes you a bad parent, even if it turns out he didn't really hurt anyone y'know?

They also REALLY zoned in on 'mother' with her in a way that doesn't really make sense here. I could maybe see her feeling guilty for making a snap judgement but how would that call her motherhood into question?

Sans saying isolation messed with her makes no sense too!!!! The outerlands or whatever they called the ruins isn't sealed off in this game, other monsters seem way less intimidated by her in this game than in undertale (she has friends! She knows sans by name and goes to napstablook's shows and even has their phone number!), and we outright get told she takes the taxi to get her groceries... Meaning she headed off to the rest of the outpost and probably does that often enough.

All things considered, Toriel seems fairly well adjusted in outertale, at least by outertale standards. Kinda then makes it feel like everyone's just trying to convince her she's hysterical and that... Sucks.

Also the fact that they added an ending where you stay with her and framed it as a bad ending that doomed everyone is... Really mean? It sucked ass I'm sorry :/

Sans

... Why is he like this. This take on Sans is absolutely infuriating tbh. The only positive I really have here is that his puns are kinda good, I've seen fangames that fuck up this element massively and it was kinda fun to see his interactions in starton.

Okay, back to salt. His whole 'i became a sentry to help humans' thing is trash. He didn't care about that in ut! He didn't care about that at all! The only reason he looks out for frisk is because he made a promise to toriel, and he hates breaking promises. He didn't want to let down his friend.

...Huh. realising this is yet another case of Toriel disrespect somehow. Yet another thing they took from her, that they then just... Handed over to sans instead. :/

His lack of backstory. Look, I get wanting something silly, but they took almost everything that makes sans interesting away. Not hyperfocusing on sans like certain aus do is nice, but it feels like in a lot of situations in this game they overcompensated by a long shot.

No mysterious past/origins. We know he worked with alphys I guess but???? Honestly I have a LOT to rant about for that part so I'll leave it for twinkly's section. And yet despite all this, Sans inexplicably bleeds in tpe when not even undertale has that happen? Make up your mind!

His role in non Asriel chaotic also... Sucks ass. I'm in a pretty awesome corner of the fandom in terms of the people I follow and the takes I see as a result, so if I'm honest, when I saw all those posts about 2024 fanon sans being indifferent to his brother's murder, I kinda just figured they were vaguing about this game. You're telling me that sans of all people just shrugs off you killing everyone and complains a little bit before letting you pass?! He should know alphys already ran off. He should know the only person left to stop you is asgore, and that it's obvious he won't. Part of this could be connected to how frisk is written perhaps, and much like the twinkly situation, I'll have much more to say on that further down.

I understand the creator didn't wanna have a sans fight in their game - however, if that's the case... Maybe come up with a reason for him to NOT show up in the last corridor, then? Have him busy helping with evacuations or something, or already dead like in the first chaotic ending... This was just sloppy.

Papyrus

Honestly he wasn't... Terrible. The phonecalls were fun even if most were cheap references (though they can be fun in fangames sometimes so I'm not mad at this lol). Him being extremely talented at making spaghetti is just one symptom of one of this game's biggest flaws, however. I really don't like how nobody's really allowed to be bad at anything or have any real struggles in this game - especially when spaghetti in undertale is used to demonstrate his relationship with undyne and the similar wavelength they're on when humans aren't involved. She's the one who started teaching him to cook it, it's deeply intertwined with his desire to be a royal guard, and it's something they suck at together. Him just inexplicably being good at it is... Weird, and feels really disconnected from their friendship and her reluctance to let him in the guard yknow?

Also: his boss final phase. Having the dog NOT take his special attack away this time was really funny admittedly but... Idk? Not only is the fight really unfair for pacifist/neutral and those who aren't as good at the game (ut never gets this hard outside of geno), it feels way too on the nose in terms of insisting he's strong and has powerful attacks. Undertale didn't need to overcompensate to get across that papyrus is strong and disciplined and the way you have to infer that in undertale is way cooler. I might just be nitpicking with this point tbh but it's whatever. Letting myself be a hater for once.

And don't get me started on him getting together with Mettaton. It seemed to come out of absolutely nowhere, the idea that they were already friends in this was glossed over really quickly and no time was really put into developing the relationship save for papyrus commenting on finding him attractive every few minutes.

Gotta be honest, I've never been a fan of this ship nor understood its popularity. Papyrus very briefly mentions thinking he's attractive in undertale, but it doesn't really go anywhere and I'm not even sure mettaton knows he exists. It feels like it was just kinda added because it's a popular ship and that's it, not sure it really contributes much to either of their arcs. It was a light-hearted celebrity crush in canon and never really tried to be more.

Oh, oops. Had more to say here than I thought.

Undyne

Not much to say here... I think she was okay, there's nothing super bad with her. I do think the way gerson kinda downplays her/lacks faith in her in the chaotic route kinda sucks and I think choosing to make her non-undying chaotic bossfight harder sure was A Choice, but it's whatever. Undying was weirdly easy in a way that didn't do her much justice. Honestly they didn't do enough with her for me to have a wall of complaints and I can't tell if that's a good thing or not. Her relationship with alphys didn't really amount to much and her lack of understanding of human culture doesn't really hit as hard when she's just talking about random sci-fi things that we have no way of knowing are real or not in this game's idea of the 2600s ourselves, y'know? Her love of anime (that she mistakenly thinks is human history) is pretty absent here except to validate her relationship with alphys in a very shallow way.

The Ghost Family

Hoo boy... Was gonna make this the mettaton section, but I wanted to talk about napstablook at the same time, so I'm just gonna lump them all together.

What. What the hell was this plotline.

It feels like they tried to go for 'smalltime farmer chases passion for stardom after feeling unfulfilled at home' and as I've seen someone else say, 'shy business owner struggles to talk to their cousin outside of work'. This would've been fine tbh, but... There's a lot of things in the execution of this that kinda grossed me out if I'm honest. I don't think they were intentional, but I think it could've been thought through a lot better to avoid some unfortunate implications - or even lean into them in a respectful way.

Firstly, the ghost family intervention was pretty long, awkward, and didn't feel like it really added much - especially when most people playing would already know mettaton's backstory anyway (and his house is still accessible like in undertale!!!!! What was the point?)

Mettaton airing out his family issues on live TV feels very ooc - he keeps that stuff very close to his chest and I doubt he'd like it getting out. Him entertaining any of that out in the open seems... Weird.

Speaking of the intervention, his cousins' treatment of him was horrifying! Part of it seems intentional and it's nice that there's at least one part in the game where characters are allowed to have flaws and do bad things but... There's also elements that feel like you're meant to agree with them? Their insistence that mettaton just come home and everything they did in the past with constantly badgering him to come and help out on the farm were rightfully treated as something that hurt mettaton's feelings and that gave napstablook and the others pause. That's (mostly, we'll come back to it later) fine. He called them out for it and they reflected on it, cool. The way his ghost form was utilised makes me extremely uncomfortable, however.

Napstablook talks about hearing 'the real [mettaton]' in the recording, right to his face, 'the real mettaton' in this scenario alluding to his ghost form. Considering mettaton is a trans allegory, this feels... Kinda gross? In a similar vein, when passing mettaton's quiz barriers, one of the questions is 'what is mettaton's true identity' and you have the option to deadname him (using a name papyrus literally just made up in undertale rather than having any kind of creativity ofc) Alphys' reaction is simply to ask how you know that which... Doesn't feel great. The correct answer is 'mettaton' ofc thankfully, but everything around this particular plot point feels weird. Maybe don't do that w the most prevalent trans allegory character..?

And ofc, they keep insisting he just come home, go back to working on the farm, go back to his family... Idk, gives me vibes of someone abandoning their shitty transphobic family and then insisting they want to see 'the real [deadname] again' and for them to abandon their new life and just go back to the way things were before. Not good.

All of this would still be okay for the most part since the ghost family are painted as being unfair to mettaton... But in true pacifist, he goes back to helping out with the farm anyway and talks about how he thinks he was probably just being dramatic after all, and how 'blooky didn't do anything that bad'

... What?

It takes me right back to Toriel's treatment. Napstablook, Maddie and lurksalot gave no real thought to mettaton's feelings, made it all about them and showed pretty much no support for his transition nor his career! Fuck those guys! It's funny - mettaton is pretty consistently a pompous asshole (affectionate) in undertale but here, I think all his feelings towards his family were COMPLETELY valid. Mettaton outertale didn't do anything wrong.

Lurksalot didn't feel like they contributed much to the story either, save to be yet another character treating mettaton like shit with zero consequences nor narrative judgement. They just made every ghost family event even more drawn out.

And then ofc!!!! Mettaton and Alphys' friendship is so bland in this game! They're two people who kinda know each other and she says some nice things about him in a letter in chaotic but that's about it. Their friendship and the subsequent conflict frisk's arrival brings to it in undertale is the heart of hotland and the core, but here it's just replaced with unnecessary, hard to watch, boring family drama. The two of them have no issues to work out. She doesn't ask too much of him. There's no funny quips and barely any chemistry at all. God forbid either of them have any real flaws.

One last thing: I'm glad maddie gets her mew mew body, it's nice. Wish it was an on-screen moment or something alluded to more though. Some of that time dragging out the family drama could've been used on that instead, y'know? Especially with napstablook getting the mew mew doll... Genuinely thought they were gonna show it to her when they first got hold of it, rather than dragging Frisk into their intervention. She should've gotten to be more mad, too. Kinda a big part of her identity.

Oh, and mettaton's no-asriel chaotic fight was bullshit. It was a nice spamton reference and the first phase was cool, but the second was utter bullshit and dragged out the fight way too long. Attacking him after snapping all the wires should've killed him im sorry. It's even more of a shame bc I genuinely really liked this game's mettaton neo fight - it was fun and creative and felt possible.

Holding myself back from adding any more to this bc I could go on and on, ugh.

Alphys

Alphys. For a game that tries to make her the star of it, it's actually kinda impressive how much they managed to take away from her and just how uninteresting she is in this game.

At the surface level she's awesome, powerful, and the star of the show. In my first playthrough I was actually pretty happy to see her thriving like this! The more routes I played and the more I thought about it though they just kinda... Declawed her. Took away all her flaws. Made her 'perfect' in a way that I don't think works at all.

The amalgamates never happened. None of her experiments went wrong. She never hid away from her mistakes, or lied to anyone (save for keeping Asgore's secret, which she has no negative feelings about), nor did she over engineer any situations to make herself seem cooler. She doesn't argue with Mettaton! She's confident and assertive! She's Asgore's right hand woman and next in line for the throne! And ofc, the badass final boss! What's not to love?

...But none of this is Alphys, is it?

Her anxiety isnt just because of the determination experiments, it's pretty clear she's always been a pretty shy and nervous person. In fact, based on her entries they were one of the things she was more confident in before it all went wrong. People are hard, but she knows science, y'know?

She doesn't get to be flawed or interesting - despite her presence, she's just a generic cool scientist who's suave with the ladies, I guess..?

She isn't particularly dorky, shes overly confident, she has zero issues to work through. Her relationship with undyne is perfect (derogatory) and her infodumping about anime just before the archive feels very forced, like they remembered last minute that she does that and thought it should be included somehow.

Depicting what she'd be like in a scenario where the determination experiments never happened is a fun and interesting idea! But deltarune demonstrates how to do that well, and I think they completely missed the mark. The way she talks, her body language, the way she acts around others in general... These things are universal constants and yet in outertale, she's basically a different person entirely.

Outertale alphys isn't allowed to lie (save to cover for asgore Secretly Being A Good Person), she isn't allowed to miscalculate, she isn't allowed to mis-speak or make mistakes or do anything she'd regret. She feels like an alphys written by someone who hates her in canon and thinks all her flaws make her terrible and unlikable. I doubt this is the case since I don't think a person like that would've given her such prevalence, but that's the level of love and attention I feel was given to her writing here. It makes me sad.

And, of course... The DT experiments and her fight.

... Why did she have vials of determination if all the humans are alive? Did she take it from them? If so, was this before or after they went into stasis? We know she's not been the royal scientist for long in relation to how long humans have been falling, so did ROMAN take the determination? How much of this did she even DO?

Why did she and sans even DO anything with determination? It... Doesn't really make sense.

Speaking of determination, why did she melt at the end of her fight? I'd assume she's injected herself with determination as one of the vials in her lab is mentioned to be partially used, but I'm pretty sure it's also like this on pacifist. Was that overlooked? Are we just meant to assume it's MORE depleted? Does she just have natural determination now because She's So Cool And Badass? This isn't even really a complaint about the fight, more just how poorly that part of her lab is handled lmao

But getting into her fight... Idk, it didn't really feel like her. A lot of it was just random bullshit that was hard for the sake of being hard, that didn't really seem to be tied to her identity very well at all. People complain a lot about the Zenith Martlet fight in undertale yellow but that's done far better than this, imo. It clearly reflects martlet's character, personality and canonical bullet patterns (we see Alphys' in ut tpe!), there's a genuine feeling of progression in the fight and the act you're given to help with the fight feels more effective - you can still damage her on her turn, so taking a turn to heal act doesn't feel like a waste. The Asriel acts though... They just don't last long enough to feel that worth it? Sure they're okay, but in general, you get a lot less time to breathe. Martlet's fight lets you retry from phase 2 if you die. Sans' in undertale gives you as many turns as you need to heal while he's sparing you. Alphys' fight just feels like it's made to feel un-fun and painful throughout in a way that just isn't worth it, and doesn't really feel like it fits her personality either, y'know? The fight was just a slog and like many others, I had zero motivation to finish it legit. I don't think it helps that the undyne and mettaton fights in this route are fairly easy and simple in comparison.

Tldr: they took away everything that makes alphys endearing, fun and interesting. This isn't alphys at all.

Asgore

A huge chunk of this essay accidentally got deleted, including my first attempt at writing this section. In it, I mentioned that the Asgore apologism went way too far.

This time though, I don't think I'd even call it that. Reflecting on it, it feels less like an attempt to defend him and more like a way to hate on and spite Toriel.

Seriously. So much of his character basically just feels like someone going 'fuck you toriel. I'm giving EVERYTHING to asgore.'

It's... Really weird?

Asgore having a way out of killing humans is an interesting concept! Outertale takes place 500 years in the future compared to undertale, so the idea that they have the resources and technology to do that is kinda cool and in theory, exploring this idea sounds really fun. In practice though, it feels like it was mostly done to make Toriel out to be an asshole for no reason and to laugh at her for ever assuming he would've really killed anyone (despite... Y'know. Telling everyone that's what he was doing.)

He just. Completely moved on from Toriel without a second thought seemingly, and doesn't even look that affected by seeing her turn up again - meanwhile SHE'S got crumpled up tea recipes in the trash and all the Sad Divorced Energy - it doesn't really fit either of them! Toriel wasn't really given a reason to miss him like that, and I think even if he DID fully move on, he'd be way happier to see her than that.

All his leading statements on how she must feel in LV1 pacifist sucked ass also, especially with the way she kinda just agreed that yeah, she feels like shit for not trusting that he'd suddenly do a 180 and not hurt anyone (AGAIN. AFTER HE CONTINUED TO LET EVERYONE BELIEVE THIS) and that she must feel unworthy of being a mother. She hadn't even said half of this in front of him yet! He put words in her mouth! That in itself would be fine (social blunders are pretty normal for asgore after all) but it... Wasn't treated like that. It was handled as if this was a sweet and compassionate thing for him to say which... Yikes.

And ofc he gets to adopt frisk, and monster kid, and get to have Asriel live with him! His fatherhood is never called to question in undertale, but ofc Toriel's motherhood has to be here. Hell, despite their divorced status, if you talk to gerson in tpe it's highly implied frisk asks if asgore would start aging again if he became their dad! Idk, all of this part just reeked of Toriel hate and nothing more. Asgore is just yet another character to get sanded down and de-clawed and it sucks. So much of what makes him interesting is his mistakes and flaws and how they impact him, y'know?

Twinkly

I wanna start this by saying I don't think his writing is too bad. It's not amazing by any means but by outertale standards, he's one of the better written characters. That being said, Flowey is my favourite character of all time so I'm still gonna be critical.

So they did save the goat. Save the goat aus really aren't my thing nowadays - I feel like so often people act like he's a separate person to Flowey entirely and act like the alarm clock app dialogue doesn't exist. Asriel didn't end the story as a doomed tragedy fated to fade away! Flowey ended the story as someone who finally got closure on the loss of his best friend, and can finally learn to move on, even if it takes him a while to adjust. I don't think he needs to be a goat again for that.

That being said, I know these kinda aus are a big wish fulfilment thing for a lot of the fandom that aren't even necessarily something people want to be canon as much as they just wanna explore the idea and see him truly happy, so I won't judge that element too harshly. People are allowed to have fun, and I think save the goat can be fine if it respects him as flowey rather than separating them.

I really like that they allow Asriel to be fucked up and an asshole rather than him soft rebooting into some Sweet Perfect Little Prince once he returns to his old form, like so many other save the goat takes. Even in lv0's ending he struggles to bite back insults and mean comments aimed at Monster Kid which is... Admittedly kinda refreshing! There's definitely some flowey (or I guess in this case, twinkly) behaviour that still comes through here and I'm glad. This carried over to chaotic, too. While his characterisation wasn't perfect, this at least felt like twinkly obtaining a few form and continuing to play with the world, rather than your standard Asriel take. I also really liked that he remembers and acknowledges chaotic if done before pacifist, that was neat and adds to his character (as far as this game goes) I think.

However, onto the biggest, glaring issue I have with him.

Why. Why does he exist.

No, seriously.

In its attempt to make the world perfect, a world that blatantly only exists so the creator could make a save the goat ending, mind, there's no reason for the goat to need to be saved at all. Nor for him to exist after dying back when Chara lived with the dreemurrs.

Asgore isn't killing humans, so the souls don't need to be absorbed by anyone. Frisk can just enter the archive and lend their power to destroy the forcefield themselves, so there's no ultimatum like there is in undertale - there's no implied tradeoff of Frisk's life for the freedom of monsters without twinkly's intervention. In undertale, flowey's messing around opened up an ending that would've otherwise been impossible, something that worked for everyone.

Without him existing at all here, frisk could've broken the barrier just fine. All it really added to pacifist was a couple extra boss fights and asgore being dead for two minutes. And him being saved I guess but again, there's no real story justification for him being here EXCEPT to pat yourself on the back for saving him.

Why was he created? In undertale it's pretty clear - they wanted a vessel to hold all the souls in for now during the true lab experiments. He exists because Alphys selected the first flower to ever grow in the garden and injected it with determination that she extracted from the human souls.

... But all the humans are... Alive and well in outertale? They don't need a vessel to contain their souls. They don't need to extract any determination from anyone. Again, why do they HAVE vials of determination? And why did she inject one into a flower?

AND THAT'S THE OTHER BIG THING. It's established she and sans injected a starling flower for... Whatever reason. SO WHY THE HELL IS TWINKLY A CARTOON STAR?!

This point makes absolutely no sense at all. He looks absolutely nothing like a starling flower nor does he behave like a flower at all, which is confusing if that's what he started as. Honestly, I think it would've made more sense to just keep him as Flowey if they were gonna include him at all, and just have his appearance reflect a starling flower instead of a golden flower.

This applies to his fight too. Mechanically I think it's AWESOME, but the visuals are... Just very very boring. A huge part of why his fight in the original is so good it's the bizarre and chaotic nature of it, the horror elements, and the way so much of flowey's trauma in terms of how he was created and the things he finds scary was put on blast for all to see. The combination of mechanical and organic elements, all the plants and insects... Idk, just going 'hmm he's a star. Let's have him go through a star life cycle' is boring, there's no visual appeal.

If his creation is so vague and wishy washy, this would've been a great opportunity to flesh it out more. How was he created? What kinds of technology and machinery did alphys use to put all this together? How did she (or roman????? unclear) get the determination? What does twinkly remember?

That leads me onto a tangentially related topic - his trauma. I... Don't think this was shown very well. He talks a bit about BEING traumatised from the lab, but telling isn't the same as showing and canon flowey is terrible at hiding it, whereas I'd just as easily believe outertale Asriel made it up for sympathy points. He never really projects, he doesn't force anyone else to experience anything like he did, nothing like that. He's just a cocky asshole who likes killing, and who eventually decides to start being nice.

This game constantly seemed to be speedrunning ways to get him from being twinkly to being Asriel as quickly as possible in almost every single route which... Huh???? It's weird. Would've been nice to let him be a star more rather than just Asriel...

(final amendment bc I lost a huge chunk of this essay originally and had to rewrite it, and I'm realising I didn't manage to fit this in this time... How does a single monster soul let him get his Asriel form again? Sure he's still treated as if soulless and it doesn't make him a good person, but if he was 'so tired of being a star', why hadn't he tried doing this sooner? It makes no sense...)

For a game that exists to give him a good ending, it's so ironic how little he needs to exist at all in this world. Just goes to show what it looks like when you go too far with 'fixing' things or removing stuff you seem 'too problematic' for the sake of being wholesome or whatever.

Chara

Speaking of which... Look I'm just gonna say it. This version of Chara sucks so bad.

Chara is one of my favourite characters - they're really interesting, morally grey, and a fascinating way for undertale as a game to interface with us as players.

They're a child who likely saw the worst of humanity, then found themselves in a home with family who genuinely loved them once they fell down and met the monsters. Their intense saviour complex made them feel like the best way to help their family was to sacrifice their own life to get enough souls to break them free (and once they realised they had control, get payback against the humans while they were at it). They could be mean-spirited and a prankster. They valued efficiency HIGHLY. Their favourite number was nine because it's the limit, the absolute, a way to stop hurting and to stop others hurting.

And by doing geno, you can push this fixation on stats further. Max out all your stats. Gain power. Get stronger. Become invincible. Nobody can hurt any more if the world is gone. And ofc, they stand as the final arbiter of consequences for the player. Your punishment for killing everyone and for pushing them into believing it needs to be completed. Chara both IS is and is separate from us in a way that can't really be fully disentangled and it's really, really cool.

Anyway, enough gushing about undertale Chara. What's outertale Chara in comparison?

... Nothing.

They're nothing.

Outertale Chara narrates occasionally. They're a ghost that follows frisk around, but aren't confined to that, and have been actively wandering the underground since their death. They also still have a SOUL for some reason? This part doesn't really make sense at all.

Other than sacrificing themself and maybe wanting to take out a few humans after Asriel absorbs them, they don't do anything that could be considered bad ever. The most devious thing they ever do is snatch Asriel's diary to leave a silly comment in there when they first arrive at the outpost (sans does this with Toriel's phone in undertale tpe for comparison lmao). Despite what Asriel seems to believe, Chara is completely absent from the chaotic route - never getting corrupted, never caring about our stats, never wanting to hurt anyone, never even trying to make us face any consequences. They're just... Not here. For a character so prevalent in the murder based route of undertale this is fucking wild.

They all but vanish if you so much as say something slightly mean to someone, too! It's strange, makes no sense, and just like with sans, it feels like they overcompensated waaaaaaay too much for the people who insist they're evil. On top of that, if you do chaotic before lv0, they don't even remember chaotic happening! They'd may as well have just been a member of the ghost family who likes following Frisk around when they're especially nice. Like Asgore and alphys, they've been sanded down and de-clawed to be 'wholesome' and 'perfect', and it just results in a bland, boring character who loses anything that made them interesting, nuanced and fun.

'Chara wasn't the greatest person'... Why, though? They don't have enough substance in this game for that line to really have as much impact.

Frisk

I'm gonna be honest - I actually ADORED their frisk at first, and I think that's because I started with a neutral run and ended up drawing them a lot. They felt silly and mischievous and interesting, and this continued into chaotic. They seem pretty chill with what's going on but then take that even further by being hilariously affectionate with Asriel and still doing silly things like being up for picking up the electrodampening fluid or drinking directly out of the fountain. They felt like a funny little mini-kris (save for being okay with all the murder ofc).

Then uhhhhhhh... That's when I experienced the second chaotic ending, the one without Asriel, as well as lv0. I feel like they definitely DID try to lean on the Kris angle on purpose in terms of their feelings on being controlled and stuff but it???? Just doesn't work very well? There's no ambiguity to this version of frisk once you've seen all the routes. Just like EVERYONE ELSE, they're just a perfect little angel who would never do anything wrong and anything past lv0 is just the eeeeeevil player influence or whatever. Come on, we have deltarune for that kinda approach to control 😭 (though even then, Kris is a layered and interesting character who isn't goodness and innocence personalised, and that's why they're cool)

In undertale, we have no idea what frisk is like as a person. WOULD they spare everyone without our influence? Would they kill? Would they be a scared child lashing out in self defense? Would they run from everything, then give up and let themselves die permanently somewhere? We just don't know! We're not supposed to know! It feels like it went back to the very early fandom interpretation where frisk is Good And Sweet and Innocent while Chara is evil incarnate - except this time they're BOTH the former.

It's a contradiction too! Why in the Asriel chaotic route are they so down to follow him, and pet him, and hug him every chance they get if they don't like all the stuff we're making them so? The player has no influence over Twinkly. Every single thing he did, he chose to do, and yet even if the only time frisk has seen him was him destroying their mercy button and forcing them to kill for him, they seem to love him to pieces and go along with whatever he says happily. What.

I feel like they didn't know what to do with Frisk here at all and it shows.

Other characters

This has been ridiculously long, but to quickly go over non-major characters... They did very few things to make Roman seem interesting, the amount of stuff hes implied to have helped Asgore with just reduces even further any influence or impact alphys had, and (a smaller nitpick)... Why didn't he use times new roman as a font when we DID see him speak in the archive/on the signal stars? It's such a missed opportunity...

Burgerpants was fun... Kinda. Developing him like this feels like something that should've happened DURING the actual game rather than before it though because it made him feel like a whole other person entirely? The poisoned food was very funny though.

Why is Snowy now Stardrake when his dad hasn't changed at all and Crystal looks like any other snowdrake? That was bizarre.

I actually really liked the humans! Establishing them as actual characters was really fun, and I especially like justice. Justice, at least in my opinion, is probably the most interesting character in this whole game tbh - someone who tried to do good but ultimately caused more harm than good, while NOT downplaying it, showing the consequences directly, and showing them work to try to make things better. The way we don't grab their item like the others in the twinkly fight nor go through an area for them in the archive (and just talk to them instead) really adds to their intrigue - what are they like? Who did they know? Is there something they don't want us to see? How are they strong enough to not need us to grab their weapon at all to lend their help? I think it's get funny that the only character I'm fully praising is the clover-adjacent one. Justice outertale they could never make me hate you

(that being said... seeing the way this game is clearly just supposed to be a 'fix' for undertale does sour my thoughts on the humans a little. did they only do this bc they thought them NOT being full characters in ut was bad/a problem with it? 🥴 This applies to the additional monster kid story focus too).

Speaking of monster kid... Them being an orphan was clearly just a plot device to give asgore more kids and therefore feel like he won more than Toriel. Monster kid in undertale seems like they probably did have real and loving parents, and they have a sister too!!!! Would've been nice if they'd at least done something with their sister :(

This got... Way longer than I expected, so I'll stop here. But outertale definitely gave me an even bigger appreciation for other ut fangames. My gripes with deltatraveler section 3 feel much smaller in comparison now, if tsus misses the mark on Flowey later down the line they've at least already done most characters so much more justice, and it really puts into perspective all the heart and soul that went into kissy cutie, as well as its genuine love got the source material and characters.

Sorry outertale, you weren't for me. That being said, if anyone disagrees with any of this then that's fine! These are all just my opinions and feelings on it after going through all the routes and talking about it with friends. Media is always gonna resonate with different people in different ways and that's a good thing! If your perspective on any of this is different and if you had way more fun with it, I'm glad you did and I genuinely wish I could've felt the same. I feel like at the very least, making it has probably been a great learning experience for the devs and I really hope they carry on making games and improving their skills. Hope y'all are thriving and having fun regardless 💙

[nothorses]

Well that was a lot of really creative ways to avoid saying donate to a Palestinian.

Hey, I understand the hurt and the panic you're feeling, and I'm worried about Palestinians too. I'm hurting too, and I'm worried too.

This ask sucked to receive. It hurt a little to feel like the effort I have been putting in to promote Palestinian fundraisers, particularly to double check that what I promote is vetted by someone trustworthy so that people do not lose more faith in the validity of these donation efforts on my account. More than that, though, this ask made me feel angry and isolated.

The post you're referring to is a post about local community support networks, and what I said on it was just a list of small things people can do to build local community connections, starting from 0. It's for people who don't think they have friends and don't know how to make them, or who don't know how they can translate friendship into material support and action that benefits the whole.

This ask made me feel frustrated that you don't understand that point, or the importance of it. Or maybe you do, and you weren't willing to see or engage with that point because of other feelings you were having. Maybe you chose to direct those feelings at me because you needed an outlet for them, and you weren't thinking about the impact your actions would have on someone else.

Donating to Palestinians is also good, important work. I have fundraisers in my pinned post for that reason. I haven't had time or energy to go through the asks I've received to verify, promote, and add them to that list in a while, and I feel bad about that! And it's weird to me that you think I'd avoid advocating for that after all the energy I've put into doing exactly not that.

And like, again, I feel bad that I haven't done more. Part of that is because my expectations for myself are too high, and I am a person who tends to feel guilty over stuff that I shouldn't feel guilty for. Part of that is because I really could be doing better. I just haven't figured out how to do that in a sustainable way yet; which also means getting over the guilt so I can redirect that energy into productivity.

I wanted to respond to this ask with the frustration and irritation I was feeling when I first read it. I'm choosing not to because, when I started drafting that response in my head, I realized that telling you off for guilt-tripping me in this hostile, unproductive way would be hypocritical.

Community connection is more important than ever right now. We need each other. We need patience, forgiveness, grace, and connection. We need to be vulnerable with one another, even and especially when it's hard. When it hurts.

I would have preferred you ask me why I didn't add a suggestion to donate to Palestinians in my response. Better yet, that you add it yourself! I would have been happy to reblog that addition, and receiving that as a reminder, or as building on what I said, would have felt encouraging. It would have made me feel more connected to you, more hopeful, and more excited to do this work. It would have made me excited to dig into my ask box and promote more Palestinian fundraisers, in solidarity with them as well as with you.

I understand why you didn't do that; it hurts right now. It's hard to make the choice to embody critical hope in the face of so much pain. I don't blame you for the guilt I feel, and I know I can't let that discourage me from doing work to help other people either.

I also know you're less likely to hear any of this than the uninvolved people who'll see it without feeling any defensiveness over this critique of your choices, and like, that's fine too. But I don't think I'm wasting my breath either way; I want to set an example in my community, promote connection, and promote the healing and growth that will allow us to do the hard work we need to do in the coming years. We're entering a fight, and we need to do it together, with grace for each other and the vulnerability that will allow us to connect and heal. We need to practice the future we're fighting for, and we have to start now.

[sunflower-author]

Hello 😁🤚🏻

I hope you are in good health and have a full spirit 💖

I'm having trouble getting in a writing mood and reading others story always make me happy. I've never really sent request before so this would be my frist, I hope it's not much trouble, and if you can't find inspiration for it, I'll understand if you can't or don't want to do it.

I was hoping you could write a yandere assassination classroom, the entire class of 3-E or just a few like Karma, Nagisa, Itona (anyone really) with a reader that couldn't care less about their yandere nature, and someone blurts out (do to feeling guilty) that they have been stalking them home and had taking some of their stuff (the class thinking reader will get mad) but reader just shrugged and say they already knew and that they need to work on their stalking because she figured them out on day 2. Gender doesn't matter, but if you do gender fluid that be nice if not anything else is good.

If you don't wish to write it, please say no◇

Please have a good day/night. ♡

SO SORRY!! This took much longer than I anticipated for!!

I really hope you like it!! If not please lmk on things I can fix!!!

Also, somehow this was a bit rushed too sorry!

~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~

"Hey Ritsu, are you connected?" Tomohito asks, sitting down at a desk beside her.

"Yes, the girls put the cameras in, there are no blind spots," Ritsu answers.

"Wait, no blind spots? Wouldn't that be... I don't know..." Kaede says worried.

"The cameras are only in their living room, we didn't put any cameras in anything else if that was what you were thinking," Tomohito says reassuring Kaede.

"Well we did put some listening devices, in some of the plushies we gave them, isn't that right? Itona?" Rio asks, putting an arm around him. 

"Making them was a bit tricky, but it was a lot easier to make than the cameras," Itona says, playing with his remote car.

"You guys are seriously trying too hard," Karma says, in a mocking tone having his dumb smirk, plastered on his face.

"Really now? and what do you suggest we do differently?" Ryoma asks, clearly annoyed.

"You all a bunch of babies, if you really loved Y/N you'll skip this boring stalking thing, and just take things into your own hands," Karma says, with a statistic smile.

"If we were to do that Y/N would hate us forever," Nagisa counters back.

"Really?, Because I think that if we keep them long enough, they will eventually fall for us, I mean humans are social creatures, needing contact in order to survive, with us being their only contact they will eventually fall for us, right?" Karma says explaining.

"Even if that were to happen, if we keep them isolated they might break, losing themselves then loving us, I don't want that to happen," Nagisa says seriously, looking up at Karma.

"A small price that might be paid," Karma says, shrugging "But if it were just me, they wouldn't break, but now that I am sharing the chances would be higher," he says as if the class were all just a nuisance.

"Guys! Shut Up! Y/N just walked into the building!" Hinata says, panting a bit as she just ran into the room.

With that, the room goes silent...

Until...

"Takuya I'm sorry, but I'm busy after school today how about tomorrow?" you say walking in the room. All eyes are on you, ".....Um.. Hey guys?" you say unsurely. 

The tension in the room faded, and they all started talking like nothing happened. It was a bit scary how the mood can change like a flip of a switch. 

"Hey Y/N! What were you talking about with Takuya?" Manami asks, in her usual timid voice.

"Oh just if I was able to hand out at the ramen place later on today, but I'm hanging out with Rinka and Ryunosuke later," you say casually.

"Heh, sorry Takuya but there are already three of us, maybe next time we'll invite you," Rinka says teasingly.

"Hey Y/N,  do you wanna come with me to the teacher's lounge? Korosensei just came back from Germany yesterday," Kaede asks, popping her head out the door. "Sounds fun and good, I'm in," you say excitedly, as you head out the door.

Takuya waits for your footsteps to become gone before saying "You just want more pictures of Y/N that's the only reason you and Ryunosuke, are taking them out," clearly annoyed.

"Oh whatever, you always like looking at the pictures in the end, just like everyone else," Ryunosuke says rolling his eyes.

"I.. just make sure they're good," Takuya says embarrassed.

"Your talking to the best snippers in class 3-E, we always have good visuals on our target," Rinka says, hearing the pride in her voice.

"I thought you guys said that Rinka and Ryunosuke stopped taking pictures of Y/N?" Manami asks worried.

"I... well... it's complicated," Hiroto says, trying to explain it to her, as he was the one who told Manami that they stopped taking pictures of Y/N.

"He obviously lied to you," Karma says blankly. "Your too empathic, we needed you to stop worrying over Y/N, knowing that you would break, telling them everything... well ruining everything for all of us," Karma says explaining.

"I admit that I'm not the best actor, but you guys didn't have to lie about Y/N, I care about them, just as much as any of you guys, I even made the drugs you asked for," Manami says, as he holds up a bag of different bottles.

"Wait... what drugs?" Nagisa asks, confused and curious.

"You know the the drugs, I made my own chloroform, something that calms the mind, something that weakens muscles, and lastly something that can make them sleepy," Manami says explaining.

"We didn't... Karma!" Nagisa says, angry by the thought Karma would do such a thing.

"So what if I was, I promise I won't do it alright, especially now that you know," Karma says as he puts his hands up.

"Hey guys! We're back," Kaede says, walking through the door. Signaling to everyone that you are nearby, it became a habit sometimes when they talk they become so engaged in the conversation, that they lose track of anything else, including your presence.

"Ah Y/N, just the person I wanted to see," Karma says, with a sweet smile. You know something is up when he smiles like that, just when does he normally smile sweetly?

"Karma... what do you want?" You ask hesitantly, staying cautious. 

"You know, we barely spend time with each other, most of the time you just hang out with everyone else... it seems like your avoiding me," he says hurt, clearly acting.

"Karma you know that's not true, everyone just makes plans with me every single second of the day, you know this, so what's your point?" you ask, wondering what he is trying to say.

"It's just that...don't you think it's a bit odd... that every day you have someone that wants to hang out with you, it's a bit abnormal behavior? Ever noticed how everyone treats you slightly differently? Or the fact that they know small details about you, that you've never shared before? Do you wonder why is that?" Karma says still smiling, but with a mischievous face.

"Karma..." Nagisa says, with a dark look, warning Karma.

"You messed up my plan, I'm just returning the favor," Karma says looking at Nagisa, then turns to you.

"Well, don't you?" Karma says in a smug tone.

"... I wonder why, on my first day of school, Rinka and Ryunosuke were following me home, I wonder why Kotaro somehow knows when I'm going to mess up on things, I wonder why Nagisa has a whole notebook dedicated to me, and lastly I wonder why you act so innocent when you are the worst one out of everyone, do seriously think I don't know that you hurt people that I talk to that is not in this class? And a whole lot more things of you and the rest of the class," You say, calm and collected.

"You knew this whole time?..." Nagisa asks with wide eyes.

"Anyone would have been able to see and know what you all were planning," You say turning to look back at him. (Any normal person would be oblivious to it all)

"Heh, I knew I couldn't fall in love with just any normal person, turns out you truly are unique," Karma says proud that you were conscious of what they were doing.

[givemea-dam-break]

i'm here (george karim x reader)

a/n: @ettadear and @neewtmas this one is for you guys teehee. it's not overly long, but it got me out of my writing slump :) this went through a multitude of different forms (my favourite version ended up not working out very well but I'll incorporate it into something else) but i hope you enjoy it!

warnings: none words: 827 taglist: @waitingforthesunrise @aayeroace @locklylemybeloved @gotlostinfiction @mirrorballdickinson @mischiefmanaged71 @magicandmaybe

gn reader

You’re not sure when you started coming out into the back garden.

The grass tickles your ankles, swaying softly in the breeze. It really needs cut, but nobody ever has time or energy for it. Maybe you’ll do it this week. Maybe not. Maybe you’ll just say how the garden needs a tidy and make no move to do it.

It’s barely morning. The sun hasn’t even risen yet, but here you stand, staring at the slowly lightening sky as if it’ll bring you the solace you so desperately crave. You could talk to your friends, reach out to them for help, but the thought of bothering – burdening – them when so much is always going on makes you feel incredibly guilty. You’re not even sure they’ve realised your morning habits now.

What exactly is wrong? You’ve no clue, only that you’ve felt a hollow ache in your very soul for what has to be weeks now. It could be homesickness. It could be some horrible, unsolicited feeling of isolation and loneliness. It could be a multitude of things and, even still, you can’t figure it out.

The ghost lamps in the streets beyond are flickering off by the time the back door creaks open.

Confused, you turn to find George standing on the patio, looking up at the sky. His hair is messy, likely from sleep, and he’s dressed in some funny patterned pyjama bottoms and a thick hoodie, shivering in the crisp morning air.

“You okay?” you ask, frowning.

“Trying to figure out why you could possibly want to wake up so early and stand outside in the cold.” His gaze falls from the sky, landing on you instead as he makes his way over, kicking an apple out of the way. “We should collect the apples this year instead of tripping over them.”

A soft laughs escapes your lips. “We should. I’m sure you’ve got an apple pie recipe somewhere in one of those books of yours.”

He stops next to you, and he’s close enough that you can feel the heat of his skin without even touching. Is that the sound of your heart pounding in your ears, or is there someone just stomping really loudly in one of the nearby houses?

“You’ve been upset lately.”

“No, I’ve not.”

George gives you a look. “You’ve been quieter. Your section of the thinking cloth hasn’t had any new and wonderful additions. Oh, and you’ve been coming out here every morning for the past two weeks.”

Your face feels awfully warm. “Have you been watching me?”

“Yes,” he says with a shrug. “And the floorboard outside my bedroom creaks whenever you’re coming down in the mornings.”

It’s an effort not to look at him when he says that what with how he just so easily admitted to taking note of the things you’ve been doing. Or rather, not been doing. And, although it’s for a reason that isn’t exactly ideal, it brings a little flutter into your chest. You can’t remember the last time someone paid such close attention to you.

“So?” he prompts. “You know you can talk to me.”

You know you can, but you’re not even sure yourself of what’s wrong. “I know. I just… It’s hard to put my finger on what it is exactly, you know?”

He nods and, it could very well be a figment of your imagination, but you’re sure he shuffles an inch closer until your shoulders are almost touching. You can feel his eyes on the side of your face, watching for any hints of what could be wrong. Because that’s what George does. George, the boy who searches and searches for the tiniest details. George, who is relentless when on the hunt for information. George, who, despite it all, knows not to push you on a topic you don’t want to talk about. George, who –

Who is reaching for your hand and slipping his fingers in between yours.

His touch comes as a shock. Usually, he rejects any kind of physical touch whenever he can, preferring the comfort of his own skin to anyone else’s. But there’s his hand in yours. His pulse beating almost in time with yours between your palms. His hand is warm and soft, and the touch alone has your heart racing.

“I’m here for you, remember,” he says softly.

You’re sure your hand is horribly clammy, but he doesn’t seem to care. Instead, he squeezes it as you look at him, offering a small smile. A smile tugs the corners of your lips upwards in some meagre attempt to show him how grateful you are.

Truthfully, you’re not sure he really knows how much this means to you. Him reaching out to you. Him paying attention to the little things you were sure nobody had noticed. His touch.

“Thank you,” you murmur.

And, when your head comes to rest on his shoulder, he leans his against it, squeezing your hand again.

[bellafarella]

Some thoughts on this new storyline with Eddie (spoilers for 7.07):

I think that an impending mental breakdown is in store for Eddie. We know that eventually he and Marisol will breakup since he has not stop fantasizing about his dead wife Shannon and they have absolutely zero chemistry, he’s already made multiple comments about leaving this woman. And the fact that he’s apparently going to start getting to know a woman who looks like said dead wife.

Eddie has not processed losing his wife in the years that she died. He says that he loved being married to her but everything we saw of their marriage was awful. He even said he only married her because of the church. They both left each other during hard times, they fought a lot, and when she returned she asked for a divorce before she ended up dying.

Eddie is romanticizing his life with Shannon because he has not processed her death and definitely feels guilty. He feels guilty for leaving her for the army, he feels guilty that they fought a lot. He feels guilty that since she died he has not been able to find a stable and good relationship—a new mother for Chris—which is what I think we will see him finally realize before the end of this season, and I’m hoping it comes from Chris telling him that he had a mom and doesn’t need another one.

This whole storyline of him about to cheat with a woman who looks like his dead wife is completely fucking unhinged and that’s all I need to know to tell me that Eddie’s life is about to implode. He cannot bring this woman around christopher without completely triggering and traumatizing him, he cannot tell people he’s cheating on his girlfriend with his dead wife’s doppelgänger.

I think that with these interviews Ryan had where he’s said that Eddie has not moved on from Shannon and he’s going to be feeling isolated and that Eddie will be starting this new lifestyle by the end of the season. I see this as Eddie having a full on mental breakdown (similar to s5 in his bedroom) which will lead to him realizing he needs to let Shannon go and this idealized/romanticized version of their marriage go because none of it is accurate, it’s all delusion and imagination. This in turn could possibly lead to him figuring out who he is (“a new lifestyle and discovering uncharted waters”) aka gay awakening (and feelings realization for Buck especially if they still go the route of injuring one of them like in s4 to help them discover their feelings for one another) then because Ryan said Eddie will isolate himself I believe that if he realizes his feelings for Buck he would isolate himself from Buck—and everyone else —(divorce era 2.0) because he won’t know what to do with it.

This entire unhinged storyline is a win in my eyes to further the gay agenda for Eddie and buddie canon.

We know that s8 will have more episodes so more room to play with where they can really show us Eddie’s arc and how buddie will become canon.

It looks to me that the rest of s7 will focus heavily on Bobby as well as Eddie, and we know that the main thing connecting these two is their religion. I don’t think it’s coincidental to have the latter half of this season focused on them.

There was also the comment about it smelling like smoke in Buck’s apartment and if they actually do what I think they might (burn Bucks loft) then it’s possible that maybe Buck gets injured again by the end of the season and it really makes Eddie realize his feelings for him which could make for quite a cliffhanger before the next season begins.

[lukaslosteyelashes]

I really wanted to post this before the London Special, also I’m sorry in advance if anything is incoherent or not grammarly correct. I had a bit of a trouble collecting my thoughts and write this but I tried my best.

Anyways, let’s go!

*Edit: I was wrong lol

Tomoe Tsurugi was the main reason why people now view Gabriel Agreste as a hero of Paris

At first I haven’t thought much about the season 5 finale, overall I liked it, but then it started to bug me: why was it necessary to make Gabriel Agreste the hero of Paris, how did it happen and whose idea was it, who would benefit from it?

Ladybug/Marinette

She probably had to make a public announcement to the media at some point that Monarch was defeated, that’s a topic that cannot be avoided after all, and there is also the fact that Gabriel Agreste died at the end of that fight.

Gabriel is a famous fashion designer, a public figure who, even though spent the last bit of his life basically isolated, is known far and wide. His death would be something that shakes the rich and the poor alike. So what would happen if Marinette would reveal that their adored fashion designer was also the villain that kept the entire population of Paris in terror? Nothing good and his son, Adrien would suffer the most because of it.

If we’re at Adrien. There is also Gabriel’s final wish, which was to keep this a secret from his son, so Adrien could only remember the times when he was trying to be a good father to him [which happened like once or twice during the 5 seasons].

Would Ladybug call Gabriel a hero to the press?

I don’t think so, maybe not intentionally, the press could put a lot of pressure on people. I can imagine that Ladybug being confused of what happened and also distressed that she couldn’t find the butterfly miraculous, so she might said something that she didn’t meant or the press made her say things.

Marinette probably fulfilled Gabriel’s final wish because she wants Adrien to be happy and free and spilling the beans about everything would achieve the opposite. With Gabriel’s death there’s no Monarch anymore either, that’s what matters no one really needs to know that the two were the same (not even his son). It’s an end of an era and the beginning of a (not so promising) new one.

Side note: Do you remember that in "Conformation" Ladybug sent a message to Chat Noir that Gabriel Agreste is Monarch? Adrien still can learn about the truth from her IF the message came through.

Nathalie

She was Gabriel’s accomplice from the start who would have helped him as Mayura until the end if he didn’t went off from his original plan. But as Gabriel went more and more crazy and the videos about Emilie waked her up. Also during the time she was bedridden she had plenty of time reflecting on her wrong doings as well.

Although, she wasn’t able to do much to stop Gabriel because of the state that she was in near the end and if she revealed the truth about Monarch then she would also get found out.

Natalie was definitely shocked and confused but also happy to learn about Gabriel’s final choice, still she wouldn’t declare him as a hero after everything that he did, and she definitely feels guilty of what she did as well, but would play along for the sake of Adrien’s happiness.

Lila (or whatever her real name)

Since we yet to learn what her true motives are, I don’t have much of an idea what she would do and why, but she’d definitely benefit form this situation.

Lila figured out Hawkmoth's true identity much earlier than Marinette and she was also able to collect informations about him and his past and most certainly knows that Adrien is a sentimonster as well. And let's not forget that she was able to seize the butterfly miraculous and rumored to be the next Hawkmoth. Because of these she has some advantage and could reveal the truth to Adrien, to Paris and to the World at any moment. And for this reason, Gabriel being a celebrated hero, comes in handy for her.

Just imagine this situation: Lila wants Marinette to loose everything and become pitiful. And what would make Marinette more distressed than seeing her beloved boyfriend being miserable? So Lila would reveal the truth to Adrien with showing all of the information that she collected as a proof, Adrien starts to loose all trust in his late father and Nathalie, maybe even in his late mother as well. He had already shown signs of being emotionally unstable before and this would be the last straw, not even Marinette would be able to comfort him. Lila, of course would observe the situation carefully from afar, waiting for the right opportunity. Adrien because of all of this, became so careless that he transforms into Chat Noir which Lila saw and akumatize him. Then BOOM... Chat Blanc became the future that Ladybug wanted to avoided at all cost...

That’s one hell of a scenario, but seeing how Lila became so obsessed with completely destroying Marinette, I think she’d do something like that. Also with having an as powerful akumatized ally as Chat Blanc on her side she'd be unstoppable.

So what’s the deal with Tomoe Tsurugi?

At first I thought that she would be furious about Gabriel messing up their whole plan about gaining Ladybug’s and Chat Noir’s miraculouses to create a new world with a wish, but Tomoe likely realized that she could very well use this to her advantage and created this image about Gabriel as the hero of Paris. But why would she needed to do that?

The Alliance rings

The Alliance rings basically were one of the biggest main issues in the 5th season. They were created by Gabriel and Tomoe which was known all across the Globe, there was a whole marketing campaign about it, featuring Adrien and Lila, later Kagami.

When the Alliance rings started to turn almost every users into a Ladybug and Chat Noir hunting robot, every sane person instantly thought about Monarch making all the mess. But how come no one seems to connect the whole ruckus to Gabriel and Tomoe? [It shouldn’t be a surprise since the majority of the characters are blind.] Even if no one suspects either to be Monarch, the happenings should connect Gabriel and Tomoe to him in some way.

So I think, Tomoe wanted to avert suspicion by creating this hero image.

The head of the Tsurugi Industries probably wasn’t pleased that her partner in crime changed his mind last minute, had a different wish than they agreed on and Ladybug was able to get back all the miraculouses (except Nooroo). Now she also has to face the possiblity of getting caught, that people would slowly [really slowly] start to realize that she also had something to do with all of this. So how could she be able to avert the suspicion?

By playing the victim.

Deceiving the public by saying that her and Gabriel were both used by Monarch and that they couldn’t do anything because they were threatened with Adrien’s and Kagami’s life, so their only choice was to help him hijack the Alliance rings. With that it was easy to see Gabriel’s action as heroic because in the eyes of the people he just wanted to save his son by sacrificing himself, and Tomoe is also able to continue her pursue for the miraculouses without people suspecting anything.

To make things worse, she’s now taken over the Agreste brand, and it also looks like all those inventions, to make Paris more eco friendly [you can see them at the end of the season 5 finale] are also products of the Tsurugi Industries. And let's be real, I'm certain that she wants to control Paris from the background by swamping the city with her machines. The statue of Gabriel, which was created from the remaining Alliance rings, looks suspicious as well.

I hope it's not a complete bs theory

[reverie-starlight]

I need to get some blood work done and I hate the experience so much, so to make me feel better, here’s some kuroo fluff. I don’t wanna hear anything about how soft this is. I don’t respond well to tough love or logic at all when I'm anxious, I need the softness.

gn!reader, no physical description. tw: blood, needles, hospital/drs office setting. slight anxiety/panic. very fluffy, maybe a little bit TOO fluffy tbh. extremely self indulgent, but what else is new on this blog? lowercase intentional. @emmyrosee I recycled a couple ideas from that one kuroo ask I sent you a while back, I hope that's okay :')

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I can take the day off of work, I don’t mind.”

you sighed into your mug, one that the man sitting on the other side of the table had gifted you. it was halloween themed, and (very ironically, considering your current situation) had vampire fang designs all over it, many with blood dripping from them.

“I appreciate that, but I would never ask you to.”

kuroo slightly frowned. “you don’t have to ask me, baby, I’m offering.”

he watched as your own brow furrowed, resisting the urge to lean over and smooth it out with his thumb. he tried again. “I know how much you hate blood work. I don’t want you to have to deal with it alone.”

a feeling of guilt started bubbling in your stomach. “tetsu, that’s exactly it, though. I don’t like it, but I’m old enough now to be able to do it alone…” you paused and shook your head before editing your sentence. “I should be able to do it alone by now without spiraling.”

he sighed and gave you a sympathetic look. “baby, there’s no expiration date on fear, or a set age that you’re supposed to get over something by,” he took your hand and rubbed his thumb over it. “you’re scared, and that’s okay. as your fiancé, I’m not going to let you suffer through that alone.”

you took your bottom lip in between your teeth and mulled it over. he tried to hide a fond smile as he watched the wheels in your pretty head turn.

truthfully, he already booked that day off work. you didn’t know yet, but as soon as you had told him the date of your appointment, he had reserved that as a personal day on his schedule.

he’d never call you predictable, but when it came to things relating to your fears, he knew you needed some emotional support- whether you voiced it or not.

finally you looked up at him again with a hesitant, slightly guilty expression. “you really don’t mind taking time off work for this?”

he brought your hand up to his lips and kissed your knuckles. “for you, my love? never.”

and a week later, on the day of your appointment, he did everything he could to prove it to you further.

your appointment wasn’t until noon, so he made sure to spend the entire morning pampering you, distracting you enough so that you didn’t even have time to let the anxiety build up.

any time he noticed a faraway look in your eyes, he’d lean over and kiss your face until you laughed, really making sure to exaggerate the noises to embarrass you a bit.

and you recognized his efforts to keep you in good spirits, trying to meet him halfway. usually when you had a big nerve wracking event approaching, you were used to isolating yourself and trying to calm down alone. pushing through and wishing you could stay in control of your anxieties long enough to get through it and beating yourself up when you couldn’t.

however, since meeting kuroo, you didn’t have to do that anymore. when you first got together, you rejected any help he tried to give you. but once he realized that you just weren’t used to people giving you the emotional support you needed… that you were used to the opposite- being shamed for those feelings, he was able to navigate things better.

and along the way you realized that letting someone in was much healthier for you. so in an effort to keep that up, you let him take the wheel, figuratively and literally.

on the way to the doctor’s office, he played music and purposefully sang along badly, all in an attempt to make your life a little easier.

and it worked, because your brain had completely rejected any thoughts of worrying about the bloodwork.

until you had to sit in the waiting room, that is.

he could feel the anxiety rolling off of you as you waited to be called, and despite everything, he couldn’t help but feel a bit useless. all he ever wanted to do for you at any given time was make sure that you were happy and stress-free. he felt his heart break a bit as he watched you try to keep a composed demeanor.

so he pressed gentle kisses to your temple and let you play with his fingers. he even clogged up his storage and downloaded a ton of games for you to play if you asked (he knew how fast games drained your phone’s battery, so he gladly sacrificed his).

but he could tell from your crumbling expression and bouncing leg that the nervous butterflies in your stomach were turning into something much bigger.

he noticed a nurse walking down the hall towards the waiting room and quickly whispered something in your ear.

you looked up at him with wide eyes, surprised at his words, which pulled a shocked laugh out of your mouth. “tetsu!” you whisper-yelled at him, not wanting to disrupt the other patients.

he just gave you a charmingly boyish grin in response, squeezing your hand when the nurse called your name.

she lead you both into a small room, and you started shaking a bit.

“please take your sweater off or roll up your sleeve.”

you did what she asked and kuroo settled beside you on the opposite side of the nurse, tracing the palm of your hand.

“oh my- you’re shaking! are you alright?” asked the nurse and you felt hot embarrassment shoot through your body on top of the anxiety.

“um, yeah, I’m okay,” you said quietly, obviously nervous. she seemed to understand and thankfully didn’t make a big deal about it, rather making conversation about other things as she cleaned your arm.

“is this your fiancé? I love your rings, and it’s so sweet that he came with you today… I wish my girlfriend was able to come with me to my appointments.”

you smiled politely at her, and tried not to watch too intently as she got her equipment ready. you didn’t notice the look she gave kuroo, or the nod he returned to her, understanding her secret message. distract them.

that was his plan all along- even if the nurse hadn’t told him to, he would have done everything in his power to get you to focus on him instead of the test.

once he felt you squeeze his hand out of fear and noticed the tears forming in your eyes as the nurse was talking to you about finding a vein, he gently cupped your cheek and prompted your face away.

“hi, pretty, just look at me okay?”

your lower lip wobbled as you nodded, wincing and screwing your eyes shut as you felt the nurse feeling your arm. “make a fist for me, please.”

your hand cooperated and you let out a small noise of discomfort as she got to work.

kuroo stroked your cheek comfortingly and smiled at you when you opened your eyes again. “have I told you that you look absolutely stunning today, baby? just jaw-dropping. incredibly gorgeous. so blinded by your beauty that I should actually be wearing sunglasses right now.”

if it were under any other circumstance, you would have scolded him for flirting with you in front of someone else so unabashedly, but in that moment you were honestly thankful for it. so you shook your head a little.

he gasped. “I haven’t? how awful of me, I’ll make sure to fix that right away.”

and so as the nurse continued to draw blood, with a small smile on her face as she listened to the near one sided conversation, your boyfriend made it his mission to throw every compliment under the sun at you.

"going back to our conversation last night, reason number three hundred and twenty six why I love you: you're so sweet, even if you're not trying to be. you're just a good person through and through, babe."

though it was mildly embarrassing to need a distraction of this intensity, listening to him talk was definitely having the desired effect on you. your eyes were still a bit teary, and your heart was beating fast, but the expression on your face told him that you weren't as focused on the test anymore.

the soft look in his eyes as he tried everything he could to help you was captivating.

he leaned over to give you a quick kiss on the cheek and you huffed in disapproval. he laughed. "don't get shy now, there's still six hundred and seventy four reasons left to get through. I can space them out if you need me to, though. wouldn't want to send your heart into overdrive or anything. I can feel your pulse, don't even try to deny it!"

you were about to respond with what was no doubt going to be an attempt at a snarky comeback, but then the nurse pulled the needle out and pressed a cotton ball over the puncture site. "you're all done! great job."

you blinked at the nurse in surprise and she just smiled in amusement before placing a band-aid on your arm and walking out of the room with the vial of blood.

as soon as she was gone, kuroo tilted your chin up to look at him again. he gave you a big, wide grin and you weren't sure if the lightheaded, dizziness you were experiencing was because of blood loss or affection for your fiancé.

and once you finally made it out of the doctor's office, back into the car, he immediately leaned over the console and pressed yet another flurry of kisses all over your face and neck.

you giggled at him and tried to shove his face away, but he didn't let you, and instead grabbed your hands in his. he slowed down just enough to leave a few lingering kisses on your lips, rubbing his thumbs over your knuckles.

once he was done, he smiled fondly and stared into your eyes as you tried to catch your breath. his expression was as soft as his voice. "I'm so proud of you, baby, that went so well."

you smiled at him in return. "thank you, tetsu, you really helped me today... I'm glad you came with me."

he shook his head. "I told you, it's no problem at all. I'm happy I was able to make things a bit easier for you. Now..." he straightened up in the driver's seat and started the car, but not before giving you one last kiss. "let's get some food in you, and maybe a bit of orange juice, too. I read it's good after getting blood work done."

you nodded and stole one of his hands away from the wheel to hold in your lap. you placed your cheek against his now extended arm and sighed contently.

thinking about the day and how hard he tried to keep you happy and safe... how he did his absolute best to take care of you throughout your panic... there was never a time you couldn't feel the soft, gentle love radiating off of kuroo tetsurou. everything he did was with good intentions, all for you.

after a few minutes of comfortable silence, he felt a pair of eyes on him. at the next red light, he glanced down to see you craning your neck and staring at him with an unreadable expression.

he sent you a sly grin once he deciphered it. "...and maybe tonight, if you're feeling up for it, we can do what I mentioned in the waiting room."

you were one hundred percent certain that the dizziness from earlier wasn't from blood loss now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm not so sure how I feel abt his characterization or dialogue in this one :/

kuroo usually comes easy for me (...that's what she said) (I'm so sorry, I'll leave) but idk, the writing feels a bit off with this one, so I might do some major edits over time... I don't hate it enough to not post though, so I hope you enjoyed!!!!

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Hey there! I have no idea if you’ll see this, but I figured I’d send in an ask anyways.

You know that Blue Tears story you posted awhile back? Well, it’s really freaking good and has me coming back every once and awhile to reread it! I haven’t seen a lot of Blue Tears content, if any at all and my brain needs more.

So, could I request a sort of continuation to that story if that’s alright? Another Blue X Reader story that’s kinda Angsty and Hurt/Comfort focused?

I know you said to be specific with plot ideas, so I’ll try my best here:

It’s been awhile after Blue, Red and the Reader all came down from Mt. Silver, like a month or two. Red is doing better and has healed up but Blue has isolated himself and hardly leaves his house. Red and the Reader are hanging out (maybe the Reader is checking on him) and the topic of Blue comes up. Red’s concerned about him but he’s worried (and a little bit afraid) that Blue doesn’t want to see him, so he asks the Reader to check on him. So the Reader goes over to Blue’s house (maybe meeting Daisy briefly and asking her where Blue is) before going up to Blue’s bedroom door.

The Reader knocks and Blue answers. He ain’t looking to hot or sounding that great either. Bro is a mess. That guilty conscience hit him hard. Blue let’s the Reader in and Reader expresses their concern for him, along with saying that Red was worried about him to. Blue is kinda dismissive of it at first, but when the Reader tries to say that Blue is still their friend, he gets angry and thinks that it’s pity and not concern. Blue is angry, sad, and guilty. He feels like he doesn’t deserve the Reader or Red as friends and that he’s a murderer. Blue and the Reader kinda argue (well, Blue is arguing, Reader is calm and collected and trying to get Blue to calm down/get through to him because they know he’s not okay) and right before Blue screams something that he knows he’d regret later, he’s cut off by the Reader hugging him. After a couple seconds of just processing, he breaks down and cries, hugging them back and apologizing for yelling. The Reader just holds him and comforts him, telling him that he’s still deserving of care, that they and Red are still his friends, that they’re there for him, etc. (And maybe, after Blue has calmed down, the Reader helps him get outside a bit and get some fresh air after isolating himself.)

And that’s pretty much it! Also, sorry in advance for the long ask. I didn’t mean for it to be that long. I hope that plot isn’t too long or crazy. I just wrote out what was in my head.

I have no idea if you’ll see or write this, but if you do: Thanks! If not, then still, thanks for reading it!

(PS: Blue Tears!Professor Oak can suck an egg. He’s a horrible excuse of a grandfather. Please excuse the Oak Slander I had to say it-)

Ough I'm glad you liked that one! Also I must thank you for this in-depth request <3

......

It's been roughly a month since...well...

Since it happened.

Only you, Red, and Blue knew what that it was...as the rest of Kanto only knew the fabricated version of it.

That being a vicious Pokémon had attacked you three on the summit of Mt. Silver, with no one able to identify it through the blinding blizzard that kicked up.

That's the story you told the doctors, Daisy, and every other person who was concerned for your well-being.

But that's not what happened at all.

The true perpetrator was Blue, who attacked Red in an act of pure rage and grief, as he was convinced that his rival ruined his life, stole his family's praise, and inadvertently killed one of his most treasured Pokémon.

Somehow, he believed murder was the justifiable thing to do.

The only way he'd find any sort of relief or "peace".

Yet it only brought him more sorrow when you showed up and thwarted his attempts on Red's life--owing it to his Pidgeot for leading you straight to him.

Although he attempted to kill you too for interfering...you were able to snap him out of it and lead the pair down the mountain on Pidgeot's back, keeping a close eye on Blue in case he had another freakout.

Fortunately nothing else happened.

From there, the healing process could begin. But it was hard and painful, especially when you had to lie about everything...even to the professor himself.

As angry as you were at Oak for neglecting his only other family member, you couldn't exactly tell him that his grandson resorted to murder over sheer jealousy.

But despite everything, the three of you were slowly recovering from the trauma of that cold and snowy night.

Red's injuries were still being monitored, although he was okay enough to finally be discharged from the hospital (sporting only a few scrapes and bandaids that were hardly noticeable), and he arrived home to you and his relieved mother.

While she went out to run errands, you and him chatted for a few minutes. Considering how quiet he usually was, you did most of the talking while he did the listening.

You talked about the latest Pokémon you've captured, Lavender Town's most recent ghost story, the weather..

And Blue.

Of course, it's inevitable that the Donphan in the room had to be brought up. It couldn't be ignored forever..

But you noticed Red's subtle change of expression the second you brought up his name, and your eyebrows furrowed, worried that you've upset him. "Sorry, Red..I..I didn't mean-"

"No, it's fine." He assured you. "I haven't heard from him in a while.."

"...me neither. Daisy mentioned that he's been shutting himself in a lot more. I haven't seen him in days now."

"Yeah, I'm worried, too."

You blinked. "Really?"

Red nodded. "You should check on him."

"Wha--me? Would...you be okay with that?"

"I doubt he wants to see me, but...he'll definitely wanna see you. I just know it." He looked up, his brown eyes appearing soft as he gave you a small and comforting smile. "Just tell him...he's still our friend, okay?"

For a moment, you sat there astonished. You've never heard him talk this much in all the years you and Blue have known him.

And to realize he still genuinely saw him as a friend despite what happened? You were speechless.

But once the initial shock passed, you smiled back. "I'll be sure to tell him that if he lets me in. Wish me luck."

After giving him a hug goodbye (and insisting that he kept resting like his mother requested), you began the trek over to Blue's house, hoping he was still there.

When you arrived and knocked on the front door, it was Daisy who answered, surprised to see you standing there. "Oh hey, [y/n]."

"Hey, Dais...is Blue home?"

"Yeah. He's kinda in a mood, though. He hasn't come out of his room today. Not for breakfast or....anything." Frowning, she looked over her shoulder. "I've never seen him like this before...it's scaring me."

"And that's why I'm here. I think he'd feel better if he knew I wanted to come see him." You put one hand on the doorframe in case she thought about closing it on you. "Please."

"...okay." She allowed you inside. "I have to head to work. There's a Growlithe who needed some trimming..poor thing probably can't see with all the fur over its eyes."

"You go take care of that, I'll take care of Blue..thanks." Smiling, you headed in while she headed out the door, locking it behind her.

Finally alone, you exhaled a breath you didn't even know you were holding, before making your way up to Blue's bedroom. You just hoped he was somewhat feeling okay...although judging from Daisy's remarks, he was still far from that.

You prayed he wasn't doing anything harmful to himself or anyone. But you did have a Pokeball on your belt should you need to call out one of your companions just in case.

Hopefully, it didn't need to come to that and you can just talk.

After knocking on the door, there was only a few moments of silence before it swung open, revealing a very exhausted and disheveled-looking Blue. He was in sweatpants and his usual purple sweater, although his normally spiky hair was even more of a mess.

Any sort of light that was once in his eyes had died out long ago.

To put it bluntly, he looked like hell.

"Daisy, I said I'm not.....oh...." Even his voice lost that confidence and luster it once had, instead being quiet and hoarse, having not used it for days. "[Y/n]? What's up? Why are you here?" He frowned.

"To see you, dummy." Huffing, you leaned against the doorframe. "Wanted to make sure you were still alive."

"..well, I am. So you can go. Sorry I missed your calls-"

"Can I come in?"

"......"

"....please? Just for a few minutes?"

At this point, he was too tired to fight with you right now. So he allowed you into his room, which....didn't look any better than he did. You noticed were his curtains being drawn shut, and his pokeballs and gym badges scattered across the table.

The Blue you've grown up with had his room practically lit up like the sun and his badges neatly arranged in a glass box--just in case he had someone over and wanted to impress them with his triumphs.

Now? That version of him was seemingly dead and gone.

But you didn't stare for too long, not wanting him to think you were judging him for the mess. Instead you sat together on his bed, where he remained silent, staring down at the floor.

You finally cleared your throat, deciding to talk first. "Red and I have been worried about you...he-"

"That jerkward? Worried about me?" He snorted half-heartedly, looking up to see you frowning a bit. He sighed. "Sorry, go on."

"He was discharged today. Doctors said there's nothing they need to monitor, so..that's good, at least."

"Yeah..that is good."

You noted his rather dismissive attitude as you continued expressing your concerns for his well-being, along with how he shrugged off how his Pokémon were doing, if his grandfather ever stopped by to apologize (which he did, but it came much too late for him), and more.

He was sorta just repeating whatever you said and agreeing with it, hoping you'll leave and let him go back to moping.

Honestly he thinks you got better things to do than worry about him.

However, what you said next made something in his brain tick.

"Red wanted me to tell you that...he still thinks of you as a friend. I do, too."

All of the sudden, Blue's shoulders tensed and he stared directly at you.

Not with a tired half-lidded gaze like before, but with darkened brown eyes that seemed rather...angry.

"Don't even go there, [y/n].." He warned, voice dripping with Arbok venom.

"....go where?" You blinked in bewilderment at his abrupt attitude change.

Then again, you should have seen this quick coming from a mile away. He's always had a quick temper...although you were confused over why such a simple thing as reaffirming your friendship pissed him off.

"I know what you're doing..and I'm telling you right now that I don't need it."

"I....don't follow.."

"I don't need your goddamn pity." He snarled, fingers curling into the bedsheets beneath him. "Not yours, Red's, gramp's, or anybody's....so just go on and tell me how you REALLY feel."

"That is how we really feel, Blue." You did your best to stay calm, knowing he wasn't in the best headspace right now. Getting angry at him won't solve anything. "We're not saying that to pity you or anything...we genuinely-"

"You're lying. I bet Red thinks I'm a real sack of shit. I mean..how could he NOT?!! I almost killed him."

"Blue, that's-"

"And you, too, [y/n]!! I was LAUGHING in both of your faces! Swinging a fucking knife around!! How the hell do you not think of me as a monster to stay away from?!!"

"You're not a monster-"

"YES I AM!!" He was beginning to scream, putting a greater strain on his vocal cords. But he didn't seem to care. "You should've just told them all the truth! That what I tried to do was worse than ANYTHING Team Rocket ever did!! But no...you wanted to protect my sorry ass so I didn't get my feelings hurt."

"We both know that's not true at all. Blue..why can't you understand that-?"

"NO!! Why can't YOU understand that I don't fucking deserve you two as friends?!!! You should hate me, you should be happy that I'm not showing my face to anyone in this town! Because everyone here would be better off-!!"

You refused to let him even finish that statement, knowing he was going to regret it later. So you did the only thing you could do to shut him up.

And that was hug him, not saying another word.

Obviously, you didn't wanna crush him too much considering he felt like skin and bones at this point, but it was just enough for him to snap out of his tirade.

You just held him closely, hoping that he'd finally realize how serious you were about wanting to be here for him.

It took a few seconds for Blue to fully process what was happening right now, although before you could even consider letting him go...you heard a sniffle, followed by a quiet whimper.

He tried to silence those hints of weakness by pressing his face into your shoulder, but he ultimately failed and began sobbing, completely breaking down over everything that happened over the past month.

The incident and the isolation were already weighing heavily on him....and now he yelled at you for trying to be a caring friend.

He really didn't deserve you.

Not after all he's put you through.

"I-I'm sorry...I...I shouldn't have..d-done that.." His arms wrapped around you tightly. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.."

"It's alright, I know you didn't mean it." You soothed, rubbing a hand up and down his back. His cries became more gut-wrenching by the second, proving how badly he needed this right now. "You've been hurt, too...and we should have realized that from the start. From the moment Raticate passed, we should've been there for you more. And I'm sorry that we weren't."

"Y-You were there for me! You've always been there.." He choked out, squeezing you tighter. "I-I was being s-stupid...and selfish, and....and I hurt you both!"

"Red and I both forgive you, okay? Nothing's ever gonna change that."

"...r-really?"

"Yes...like it or not you're still our friend, Blue, and we'll never stop caring."

Both of you sat there for a little while longer, with you saying nothing but comforting things to Blue and keeping him close, while his sobs gradually softened as the seconds passed.

You let him cry for as long as he needed to, even if he ran himself dry. You should've done this much sooner, but now you're here and he knew you weren't abandoning him.

Eventually he calmed down enough to let you go, although his gaze went to his lap, embarrassment over his meltdown slowly creeping in.

You smiled a little, taking your hand off his back. "You feel any better?"

"...b-besides feeling like a total loser crybaby? Yeah." He kept sniffling, wiping his face clean of any remaining tears or snot before he looked back up at you. "I guess I really needed that...thanks, [y/n]."

"Of course, it's what friends do." You stood up, taking another look around the bedroom and sighing. "You know? I also think you need sunlight..it's like a damn Zubat cave in here. Let's take a walk."

Normally, he'd have some sort of snarky comeback. But he was too emotionally burnt out to make up anything, as he instead nodded silently and followed you out his bedroom.

Together you walked outside, taking in the crisp winter air.

Blue didn't realize how much he needed this until he took a few deeps breaths, gradually calming himself down even more. But when he began shivering a little, you took notice and dug your scarf out of your bag.

No way were you gonna allow him to catch a cold. Not after he's isolated himself for so long and was only now getting some fresh air.

You wrapped the scarf around him, smiling at the way he clutched it and dug his red nose into the fabric, mumbling a thanks.

All you did was nod in return, putting an arm around his shoulders as you both headed down the sidewalk together, not going anywhere in particular.

Fortunately there were very few people out on the streets, so nobody stopped to bother either of you.

Surviving whatever happened on Mt. Silver that day made you, him, and Red out to be some kind of "celebrities", especially with folks pondering what "mystery Pokémon" attacked the former champion, his rival, and you.

But none of them would ever know the real story.

They simply couldn't.

For it's a secret you three will take to your graves.

[fatalmorning]

Tiny & Keizer - “It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean it. You’re a good boy. I forgive you.”

REALLY LONG ‼️- Where do I even start. Well, I recently paid for the Subscribstar subscription and listened to both of Jasper’s alt audios first. I feel a lot more intensely about that story and the situation now. I could make a whole post about it,, specifically Tiny and Jasper. But I felt like Keizer needed to go up first, he deserves it. Before that though, quick note… in the SFW Jasper series on YT Tiny only loses their left arm. In the NSFW audios they lose all four limbs. I wanted to keep at least a little functionality for them so I drew them with ONLY their right arm. I thought it’d be cute as a head canon to say something like… Tiny only has one hand but it always smells because it’s all they have to give Keizer scratches.

Onto Keizer though: TLDR,, Keizer is a good boy. If you don’t know Keizer is the first one that bit Tiny in the beginning. Both dogs bit Tiny, but Keizer was the first one, and gets yelled at for it. It’s said he’s some type of bloodhound mix… so I tried my best. But despite biting Tiny, he sticks by their side the entire time, whining. Almost like he feels guilty for what he did. For what was started, maybe if the dogs never ran towards Tiny in the first place Tiny wouldn’t have bumped into Jasper. Maybe they still would have, but that bite sure helped get it going. While a lot of the other listeners are implied to have some weird fantasy’s, or told they think like that. It genuinely feels like Tiny just doesn’t. Nobody wants this and it’s something that makes you feel so isolated. In the middle of the forest cut off from the world. People care about Tiny, we know that much from the search teams trying to find them. But the vibes I get are… they don’t really believe that, especially about themself. And even feeling like that, feeling this hopelessness, this pain physically and emotionally, it’s still a tad bit nice to have someone with you the whole time, even if you don’t notice at first. And Keizer was, almost like he was trying to make up for what happened by just, being there. Right up until the end. The last few seconds, suffering from major amputations, out in the cold at night while teams are desperately searching for them, but so on the brink of death that it doesn’t matter wether they yell out for help or not. Even after all of that, it’s comforting, almost a warm feeling knowing that Keizer was there to keep them company. To offer worry and sympathy. Maybe in the end Tiny did wish they died there, but only because he was there. Good boy.

EVERYTHING FROM THIS POINT ON IS NOT CANON UNLESS SPECIFIED. -

It’s not said specifically whether Tiny lives or not. They are found but nothing say they lived (that’s just how it goes). But when they were I guarantee they got separated from Keizer really quick. There’s sounds implying either Tiny or Keizer was chained up. So they are next to each other but when your bleeding out from all (no) limbs and have a giant arm sized hole in your chest there’s no time to figure out what your relationship is to this random ass dog. Tiny is taken into a hospital, healed up- decently. Find somewhere quiet and peaceful to live. Dogs are smart, strong, and have incredible sense. I don’t doubt for a second Keizer would be able to find Tiny. I think it’d be a very cute reunion after pushing away the probably new found fear of dogs. They call him over, give him treats then lets him wander back off to wherever when it gets dark. I like to imagine one night he whines outside the window and Tiny can’t sleep because of it so they let him in. Bet Tiny uses Keizer as a thigh rest in bed. Lol… Keizers the real goat guys don’t play with that big boy.

[lolahaurisfw]

˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ : Stardew Valley - Polyam Fam:;

Part 1/3: Demetrius x MILF! Reader, Robin & Reader.

Contains: F/M, Poly Relationships, Family Fluff, HC's, Pregnancy, Clingy! Shy! Teen Girl From Previous Relationship, Dad Isn't In The Picture, Curious! Toddler Boys w/ Your Current Mans.

A/N: TYSM for this request! It turned out way longer than i thought it would. So I'll be posting all three separately so you don't have to wait for them to all be done before i publish. 😭

~

・❥・Family Life!

What a blended family you have! 🙀 So many kids from so many different pairings, it was hard for your oldest child to get used to at first. She's usually very clingy, definitely a "mama's girl", so she was uneasy at the idea of you having so many other people to take your attention away from her.

Plus, now she had to meet and join a whole new family. She was worried they wouldn't like each other.

But eventually it all worked out when they finally started talking!

Maru was the easiest to meet, she's very friendly, not much older than her, and loves meeting new people.

Robin was also so kind, she's truly so motherly, never wanting anyone to feel left out.

Demetrius took some getting used to, he's never exactly sure how to parent a child who isn't technically his, he fears overstepping or coming off like he's trying to force himself into their life. Which in turn makes him seem like he doesn't care, but he does! He's just not sure how to deal with these types of dynamics yet.

But they became close in time, he was just the father figure your daughter needed! He was always conscious about his mistakes with raising Sebastian, and he made sure to try and not repeat it with her.

Sebastian was the toughest nut to crack. He'd never been a people-person, and he couldn't help but feel a little more isolated when more people joined the family, putting even less attention onto him.

But when he realized your daughter was an introvert like him, and also didn't have her father around, he felt guilty for excluding her, obviously knowing how bad that feels. So, he eventually opened up and started to hang out with her and Maru every once in a while.

Sometimes your daughter would actually join Maru & Demetrius in the lab, learn woodworking from Robin, or play boardgames with Sebastian, Sam, and Abigail!

You and Robin also developed a close relationship! It was awkward for you at first, since y'know, you're dating her husband and now sharing a bed with them. But she never let you feel uncomfortable around her!

Any worries that jealousy or resentment could be brewing between you two were soon gone when you realized she truly loved your company. Maybe she even had a crush on you herself. 🤭

You, Robin, Maru and your daughter actually started having "girl's nights" every Sunday 28th. Which usually entailed going to dinner at the saloon, then the movies, and then having dessert & playing a board game before bed.

And in turn, that forced Seb and Demetrius to have a father-son day! Usually they'd go to Ginger Island and meet up with Sam and Kent, then hit up the saloon for dinner before going home to meet you guys for the board game.

Overall the moving-in stage of the relationship was awkward at first, but now everyone is closer than ever.

...

Especially since you soon got pregnant with twins!!!

Seb and your daughter were first scared at the thought of more siblings, knowing it would change the dynamic even more.

(But as soon as your boys were born, they loved them right away hehe.)

Everyone was soo ecstatic when you got pregnant.

It'd been a long time since anyone in the valley had had any babies, so nobody could wait to meet them!

Robin and Demetrius were so sweet and helpful.

Demetrius made sure you had a well balanced diet and kept up with some light exercise.

He would also regularly lift things for you, not wanting you to hurt your back.

Just lots of acts of service!

Like: cooking more often, carrying groceries, making sure you're taking your vitamins or medications, leg & foot massages, helping you shower or dress as the pregnancy progressed, etc... etc...

He always made sure to go to EVERY doctor appointment you made, even if it wasn't for anything baby related lol.

He listened to all of Harvey's recommendations, and made sure you listened too haha. He wouldn't let you farm, mine, drink energy tonics, or eat fish or deli meat.

And if you had any pets before you moved in, he'll be in charge of cleaning up after them now.

He's a bit overbearing and smart, but you knew what you were signing up for. 🤭

Robin is of course by your side too! Esp later in you're pregnancy, always checking in with you and seeing how your feeling.

Caroline and Jodi couldn't wait to be aunts again as well!

Overall, your pregnancy was great! You had so much love and support from your family and everyone in the valley!

...

Once your twin boys were born, things definitely changed, but not in a bad way!

On one hand you were very tired, even with the help of others, the boys were never easy to handle. (That was especially true as they became able to walk.)

But on the other, you loved being a mom again, and you enjoyed being able to spend some extra time with Demetrius.

He never neglected Robin or the other kids though, instead, he took some time off of work and focused on being more family-oriented.

He's such a good dad too. He'd forgotten how much fun it is to play with and talk to babies.

I think he'd be a good (temporary) house-husband too! Since Robin had to look after your farm for you, and the older kids all had jobs, it was up to him to keep up with most of the house.

But as long as you were clear and specific about what needed to be done, he was happy to help!

Everyone was also a bit more clingy with you post-partum, they just couldn't help but wanna be around the new cute babies!!

But you didn't mind, it was nice to have a lot of people available to hold the babies or help you with tasks when you were tired.

It was also sooo adorable seeing your daughter get to know her new brothers!

And things only became more fun as the boys became toddlers, they for sure inherited their dads curious, knowledge-hungry nature. 🤭 Always on the move and trying to escape your arms to go explore.

They love spending time outside with you and Demetrius!

Even though they're only just now speaking sentences, Demetrius LOVES teaching them about the local flora and fauna as if they understand what he's saying. 😭

It's actually so sweet though, you'll be walking your mischievous little ones on a backpack leash through the trail behind your farm, and Demetrius will see some forage or an artifact spot or smth, and he'll immediately stop and pick it up, holding it up to the boys' faces and start telling them all about it.

Meanwhile they're just trying to grab it so they can either throw it or try to it eat. 😭

But you can't help but watch with hearts in your eyes, seeing 3 of the most important boys in your life have so much fun together. <3

[wings-of-waffles]

I really hope you don't mind this ask, but I saw your post about being a Farsight fan, and as one Farsight fan to another, what do you think about her? There's not much consensus amongst us Farsight fans on her character, if the fanfictions are anything to go by, so I would love to hear your take on her.

I don't mind at all! Always happy to lose my mind over everybody's favourite barely present background character.

As for my thoughts about Farsight, I sure do have thoughts about her! Like, practically an essay's worth of thoughts about her. Too many words.

Extrapolating from what is actually canon, she's definitely a kind dragon in my eyes. She's just not very good at it. Like, she means well, but she often comes off wrong. She can seem overbearing or pitying at times, or performative at others, regardless of what she actually means. She pulls it off sometimes, of course, and she never means to come off like that, she just kind of does.

She was one of the kindest, most caring dragons on the whole of the NightWing volcanic death island. That didn't go too well for her. Instead of detaching from the present hellscape like everybody else did, Farsight felt the need to do pretty much the opposite. However, this meant she took bad things happening very hard.

Based on what we do know about her in canon, it's not that hard to assume she didn't do too well after Starflight's egg is taken. Which is very fair, considering her child was essentially kidnapped. I imagine her as ending up depressed and isolated in her grief, and ending up in the spiral of doubting herself/feeling guilty for her grief because 1) her dragonet wasn't dead and 2) it was for the good of the tribe, apparently. You know, the not good thought to be thinking of "well my suffering is less than other people's suffering, so I don't deserve to feel about it!". Poor girl.

Anyways, based on what we know from a few passing lines from Fierceteeth's winglet (practically the holy grail of Farsight lore lol), the young Fierceteeth ended up feeling neglected after Starflight's egg was taken. She was a child, not fully able to understand what was going on, and didn't take it well. At all. As she got older, and began to understand and/or figure out what was going on, she found it easier, less painful, to brush it off. After all, it's simpler than the incredibly complicated mess that the whole thing was-- sure, it wasn't Farsight's fault that this happened and she responded so poorly, but at the same time, she still ended up neglecting her present dragonet.

That's the ultimate tragedy of Farsight to me-- she was a kind person, who loved and cared for the world, and in the end, it's what killed her. Her compassion drove her to defend an innocent SeaWing, and that's what got her killed. Maybe, somewhere else, for somebody else, it would have worked out. But for Farsight, she never got the chance for things to go her way. It's incredibly unfair, just like the circumstances she was hatched into and continued to. You see, this is the kind of extrapolation that makes me all emotional over a background character.

Anyways, circling back to Fierceteeth in the form of relatonship speculation!! You see, my speculation regarding Fierceteeth's father isn't just that he died, but that he left Farsight rather traumatically and then died. This is part of why Farsight and Fierceteeth had such a strained relationship, with the whole mess that happened before she hatched making Fierceteeth incidentally associated with conflict. Farsight feels very bad about it, and she tries to be better than that, but it still puts some strain there that's worsened with everything else. Again, she tries, but it never quite goes right.

Also her and Mastermind I am more than willing to talk about! Despite being very, very different they got along remarkably well. Opposites attract sort of thing. Their flaws were just very contrasted in a way, I guess covering each other's bases? Like, Farsight is overempathetic and Mastermind is underempathetic, they're both oblivious but in differing ways, etc.. They would have been friends for a while (like, since their equivalent late teens) before entering a romantic relationship. They were very close during hard times, and although things had been slowly spiralling for a while, Farsight dying would have pushed Mastermind over the edge a little bit.

And then there's Secretkeeper. Oh god, where do I start with Secretkeeper? For one, they definitely had something going on at some point, but it was never horrifically official or well stated. They were friends since childhood, and although they got along well at first, things slowly went downhill over the years.

I think that, although Farsight was willing to forgive her at first, the conversation that took place between Secretkeeper and Farsight in the Moon Rising prologue was the beginning of the end. It dug up Farsight's feelings of invalidation about her grief, which put her in a bad place mentally. In addition, it pissed off Mastermind, who is mutual enemies with Secretkeeper, and it made their truce of 'not fighting so the dragon we both love and care about isn't upset' a hell of a lot harder to keep up. By the time Farsight died, she and Secretkeeper were barely on speaking terms.

Wow! That's depressing! Anyways, random fun stuff. She definitely would have been bi. In my eyes, she was purple and orange with curly fur. Like a sunset, or the early night sky. She was more than a little silly, as all good characters are. She was the kind of friend who pushed you into do fun things when you would've have initiated them without her.

That took more than an hour to write, I should stop now, so yeah! My thoughts on Farsight! Hopefully somewhat coherent! Sorry if I accidentally offended you with, like, a cardinal sin of Farsight characterisation.

[keitorinrose]

OOH OH OH what if trolls x su au takes place after world tour or in trollstopia when branch is finally started to move on but come across the rejuvinator (made by the funk trolls btw cause who else would be technologically advanced to create a device like that) and I don't know if he decides to forward with the plan like spinel or if there's an external force in this

I was so focused on the su part of the au that i completely forgot what to do with the trolls timeline whoops 💀

I might have a potential way of how the timeline goes.

So we know in tbt that the hideout was something branch and floyd were gonna make when he came back. In this au the hideout was already made and it was where brozone hung out the most. It's also where the break up happened and where floyd asked branch to stay until he returned. Only brozone knows the location of the hideout so when the escape from bergen town happened the village didn't know branch was living there so they assume he died.

The first movie and world tour is probably going to be mostly the same minus branch being there.

(Maybe a bit after world tour)

John dory discovers new pop village. He comes across peppy who tells him the news of branch's death. After that JD searches for his brothers to tell the news. Because of the news brozone decides they should try to be a family again because they feel guilty for branch's death, thinking if one of them had stayed they could've protected him or if they had talked it out the break up never would have happened and branch would still be alive. So they talk it out and learn to forgive each other.

Maybe some times passes and that's when poppy wants to make trollstopia. When they finish it (which probably took a few months) they're going to throw a party to celebrate the start of trollstopia and brozone is gonna perform after 20 years. In the beginning they weren't so sure about it but in the end agreed to do it for branch. So poppy starts spreading invitations all over troll kingdom. While she is doing that, branch is foraging for food (it's the only time he goes outside and when he is, he tries to go back to the hideout asap just to make sure he doesn't miss floyd when he returns) and discovers one of the invitations. This is how he finds out that floyd was never going back for him. So while they're preparing the party that is when branch shows up.

About the injector and rejuvinator. Yeah they're definitely created by the funk trolls because I don't know who else could make something so advanced. The problem is that i have no idea yet how branch would know that and how he would take it. So im gonna have to figure that out.

The rejuvinator is probably going to be made out of some special gem because we know that in ttbgo they have some very strange gems in their world (an example the switcher-ruby).

And there is no external force at play here. Idk if I'm going to be able to explain this well. branch has been suffering severely mentally (being isolated for 20 years and staying in denial that floyd would return really messed him up) so when he finally has a confirmation that floyd will in fact not return, all these emotions just come crashing down on him. So what he does is let out all his anger and pain onto his brothers. He is not at a good place rn in his mind. He's feeling all that pain that he's been trying to repress for years. It's after the final fight with floyd when he tired himself out that he has the realisation of what he's doing. (I'm sorry if this isn't right I'm not really good with mental health stuff)

[marvel-and-mischief]

❄️ December Writing Challenge ❄️

Day 3. Pillow Fort

Pairing: Javi Gutierrez x GN!Reader Words: 699 Warnings: Javi is feeling down but doesn't go into detail

December Writing Challenge 2022 masterlist

Cinema room: check. Kitchen and dining room: check. Your shared room: check. All four guest rooms, en-suites and communal lounge? Check, check and check. 

You’d searched every corner of Javi’s outlandish home for his sulking figure since you saw him at breakfast this morning. He had been looking more glum than usual, giving only one word answers and picking uninterestingly at his pastries. You had no idea what was wrong with him, not wanting to push the subject until he was ready to say. But now it’s long past lunch and you’re worried there’s something seriously not right with your boyfriend. 

You’re heading in the direction of the garden when you remember one last room you haven’t looked in. The private sitting room at the far end of the house. It’s well hidden at the end of a corridor nobody uses anymore, and it’s full of Javi’s guilty pleasures for when life’s getting him down.

When you quietly peak into the room you don’t see anything out of the ordinary at first. The thick curtains are drawn closed, the only light coming from the electric candles held in ornate sconces scattered along the vast walls. The TV is switched off and the ten-seater couch in the middle of the room is clearly empty, though in front of that is a lump of blankets that has your attention for all of three seconds before you decide to look away. 

You’re about to leave but you’re stopped by a grunting noise that sounds suspiciously like your name.

“Javi?” you whisper, squinting into the darkness and settling on the pile of blankets. You think they shift and then you see a mop of curly hair emerge from one end. You’ve found your missing person. “What are you doing?”

You venture into the room, closing the door behind you. Whatever’s going on it’s obvious Javi wants to be isolated from the world right now. The closer you get the more you realise Javi has emptied the entire blanket basket on top of himself, and is surrounded by half a dozen pillows that form a barrier, plus the duvet from your bedroom (which, how had you missed a duvet-less bed when you went searching for him earlier?). 

“I forgot snacks,” Javi grumbles into a pillow as you pull away some of the blanket to see his face.

“Do you want me to get you some snacks?” 

Javi hums, shrugs, then opens one eye to look up at you. “I’m not hungry anymore.” 

“You having a bad day?” you ask, lowering yourself to the ground, careful not to land on any of Javi’s limbs. He nods and closes both eyes again. You wonder if it would be better to leave him, maybe go get those snacks after all, make some sandwiches whilst you’re in the kitchen, and try and get him to eat something. After all, he only ate half a pain au raisin at breakfast so he must be hungry.

Javi wiggles enough to pull the corner of the duvet out from under him to throw half-assed in your direction. You take it as an invitation, scoot close enough to feel the warmth of his body next to yours, then tuck it behind you. You’re face-to-face, his deep breaths fanning your chest as he curls into you. 

“I will be better tomorrow,” he promises with a sigh. 

“It doesn’t matter if you’re not,” you assure him, carding your fingers through his loose curls, gently massaging his scalp as you do. He practically purrs and you have to try and contain the way it makes your heart skip a beat. “We all have bad days, Javi. And we all deal with them differently. There’s worse ways to mentally and physically check out than a pillow fort.”

Javi huffs, unconvinced. After a moment he whispers, “will you stay with me?”

“Of course. I can’t think of anything I’d rather be doing.” You wrap your arms around his shoulders and prepare to hunker down for the rest of the day. You make a mental note of where your phone is (back right pocket), aware you may need to send a message to the cook for those snacks.