#but the way fans react to things peppers so much of what i imagine characters deal with in universe as public figures

[erazonpo3]

Recent surges of XY fanart is reminding me about how a part of me gets sad whenever Diantha + Augustine + Lysandre are presented as a trio when to me Malva should be the fourth to the quartet, and like, of course I get why (her relevance isn't really apparent until the postgame and the other three are the 'faces' of the region, french flag colours and so on and so forth) so I have no ill will towards that sort of thing but

It does feed into this sort of meta-analysis turned headcanon for me where no matter how much publicity she has she's never really in the spotlight, despite her position and her presence she's relegated to a secondary pedestal, excluded from ever really sitting at the top. you might say she's got a complex about it

[grismavessel]

Info Dump

I chose Violet and got my Ceruledge and I found a shiny Shinx, so I have one in Arceus and shining pearl as well.

So I think if Gris and Ingo ever go to Paldea they will be reminded strongly of Hisui. Also what pokemon would they catch.

I chose Fuecoco, best decision I made, am now following the titan storyline best I can

How has your experience been :)

We’re on the same wave length because I picked Violet too, and Fuecoco (give me the fire gator) AND I’m still working my way to getting a Ceruledge too! Other than some bugs and glitches (which my game dev nerd brain wants to talk all about) it’s a ton of fun! I haven’t had thing much fun with a main Pokémon game since ultra moon, like Pokémon shield is so boring compared to this, I like the characters a lot more than shield too. (Also I keep forgetting it’s based off of Spain so when I see a Spanish word or food I keep going “oh hey I know that thing” and I just smile)

And I at first kept forgetting that the game wasn’t legends Arceus because it has the feeling and with all of the Pokémon running around I keep getting flashbacks to running away from alpha Pokémon hehe

If Gris and Ingo were to visit and see just how wild and open some of the places are, it would be like home to them. Gris feels that giddy urge to go swinging poke balls everywhere and Ingo almost wishes it was just a little colder in Paldea since he’s used to the chill of the mountains.

(I haven’t gotten that far into the game yet so this is all I have for how they’d react to Paldea) but pokemon wise I think Gris would absolutely love Fuecoco! It’s a little pepper gator, and sure it’s no cool owl, but they’d still think it’s pretty rad. They’d also get Veluza (if you haven’t seen it yet imagine if a metal fish has poison spikes coming out of it) because it’s just a punk fish that would absolutely k.o Decidueye. Revavroom because well, it’s punk, and also grafaiai. I don’t what else, the last two are mainly for companion Pokémon bout when I get later into the game I’ll probably have a better sense of what else Gris would pick.

For Ingo I feel like he’d be a big cyclizar fan, and also Tinkaton and Charcadet. Cyclizar for it’s speed and friendliness, Tinkaton for its strength but adorable (and menacing) look, and Charcadet so he can dress it up as a mini subway master.

That’s all I have to say for what Pokémon they would pick, but as I get more through the game I’ll have more thoughts on how they’d feel with the obvious time travel past/future thing going on

Also working on an au where Gris finds a long lost cousin, when you get to the team star quests you’ll probs guess who

[idreamtofmanderleyagain]

Five years ago, the women on this site who treated me like trash over loving Labyrinth and shipping Jareth/Sarah were almost always obliviously consuming Radfem propaganda, or were out and out Radfems/Terfs themselves.

They were the types of people who casually threw the word “pedophile” around against grown women who shipped an adult Sarah with Jareth, aka literally one of the most popular ships for women in fandom for 30 years.

Pretty much invariably, these women had serious sex-negative anxieties, which included a severe paranoia about any and all kink and fetish, and porn in general. I saw a lot of shocking, fear-mongering propaganda surrounding sexual expression. Pretty much invariably, their method of approach involved immediate personal shock-value attacks on anyone they perceived to be “bad.”

Today, you can look at the way some people react to other popular so-called “problematic” ships and recognize the same toxic, fear-mongering rhetoric coming from women who consider themselves regular, trans-inclusive feminists. Sometimes it even manifests in the words of very well-meaning people (including myself here), who feel the need to talk about specific issues that pertain to their own experiences of trauma and oppression.

The people who shit on Labyrinth often seem to not really be able to comprehend that the Goblin King, like the film itself, is canonically a representation of a teen girl’s psyche, a soup of fears and anxieties and desires and dreams. He’s not a literal human adult preying on a literal child, and to read the film that way seriously undermines the entire point of the film. 

When I (and people of many fandoms) say “This is fiction, calm down,” I’m not just saying it’s not real so it cant hurt you and you can’t criticize me. I’m trying to call attention to what fiction actually is - artistic representations of feelings and experiences. The Goblin King is Sarah’s fiction. Therefore, he can be anything she or any woman who identifies with her wants him to be, including her lover when she’s grown and ready for such a thing.

I once took an alarming dive into Beetlejuice fandom to see what content was there (the cartoon was a favorite when I was little). Chillingly, what you’ll find is an extremely wounded fanbase, with a sharp divide between the older women who had long been shipping BJ/Lydia because of their love for the cartoon series (and whom were previously the vast majority of the Beetlejuice fandom), and a massive amount of young people riding the wave of the musical fad who had decided that the entire old school Beetlejuice fandom was populated by literal pedophiles. 

I saw death threats. Suicide baiting. Constant, constant toxic discourse. It did not matter how the BJ/Lydia fandom dealt with any particular issues that would exist in their ship, in fact I’m certain that the people abusing them cared very little to even consider if they were trying to handle it at all. The only thing that mattered was that they were disgusting subhuman scum asking for abuse. If you have at any time reblogged recent Beetlejuice fan art or content from fans of the musical, you have more than likely been engaging positively with the content of someone participating in toxic fandom behavior.

Nobody is really sticking up for them, either, as far as I saw. It’s really hard to imagine how painful it must be to have such a large group of people explode into into your relatively private fandom space to tell you that you are evil, vile, and deserve constant abuse, and also you are no longer allowed into the fandom space to engage in it’s content. But I think there’s something very alarming indeed about this happening specifically to the BJ fandom, and I’ll explain why. 

The pop-culture characterization of Beetlejuice, which is heavily influenced by the cartoon series to be clear, has always in my mind been a vaguely ageless being who matches with the psychological maturity of whatever age Lydia is supposed to be. He’s more or less like an imaginary friend, a manifestation of Lydia’s psyche. In fact, I would argue that i think most of us who grew up with the cartoon or it’s subsequent merchandizing before the musical ever existed probably internalized the idea as BJ and Lydia as this ageless, salt-and-pepper-shaker couple beloved by the goth community, similar to Gomez and Morticia. In each version of canon he may be a creepy ghost in the literal sense, but any adult who is capable of identifying literary tropes (even just subconciously) would read cartoon!BJ as an artistic representation of a socially awkward outcast girl’s inner world. Lydia’s darker dispositions and interests, which alienate her from most others, are freely accepted and embraced by her spooky magical friend. BJ/Lydia in the cartoon were depicted as best friends, but to my memory there was always an underlying sense that they had secret feelings for each other, which I identified easily even as a small child. In fact, their dynamic and behavior perfectly reflected the psychological development of the show’s target demographic. They are best friends who get into adventures and learning experiences together, who have delicate feelings for each other but lack any true adult romantic/sexual understanding to acknowledge those feelings, let alone pursue them.

Though I haven’t seen the Musical yet, I’ve read the wiki and I would argue that it embodies this exact same concept even more so for it’s own version of the characters, in that Beetlejuice specifically exists to help Lydia process her mother’s death.

This is not a complicated thing to recognize and comprehend whatsoever. In fact, it looks downright blatant. It’s also a clear indicator of what BJ/Lydia means to the women who have long loved it. It was a story about a spooky wierd girl being loved and accepted and understood for who she was, and it gave them a sense of solidarity. It makes perfect sense why those women would stick with those characters, and create a safe little space for themselves to and imagine their beloved characters growing and having adult lives and experiencing adult drama, in just the same ways that the women of the Labyrinth fandom do. That’s all these women were doing. And now, they can’t do it without facing intense verbal violence. That safe space is poisoned now.

Having grown up with the cartoon as one of my favorites and been around goth subculture stuff for decades, I was actually shocked and squicked at the original Beetlejuice film’s narrative once I actually saw it, because it was extremely divorced from what these two characters had evolved into for goth subculture and what they meant to me. It’s not telling the same story, and is in fact about the Maitland's specifically. In pretty much exactly the same way two different versions of Little Red Riding Hood can be extremely different from each other, the film is a different animal. While I imagine that the film version has been at the heart of a lot of this confused fear-mongering around all other versions of the characters, I would no more judge different adaptations of these characters any more than I would condemn a version of Little Red in which Red and the Wolf are best friends or lovers just because the very first iteration of LRRH was about protecting yourself from predators.

I would even argue that the people who have engaged in Anti-shipper behavior over BJ/Lydia are in intense denial over the fact that BJ being interested in Lydia, either as blatant predatory behavior a la the film or on a peer level as in the cartoon (and musical?) is an inextricable part of canon. Beetlejuice was always attracted to Lydia, and it was not always cute or amusing. Beetlejuice was not always a beloved buddy character, an in fact was originally written as a gross scumbag. That’s just what he was. Even people engaging with him now by writing OC girlfriends for him (as stand-ins for the salt-and-pepper-shaker space Lydia used to take up, because obviously that was part of the core fun of the characters), or just loving him as a character, are erasing parts of his character’s history in order to do so. They are actively refusing to be held responsible for being fans of new version of him despite the fact that he engaged in overt predatory behavior in the original film. In fact, I would venture to say that they are actively erasing the fact that Musical Beetliejuice tried to marry a teenager and as far as I’m aware, seemed to like the idea (because he’s probably a fucking figment of her imagination but go off I guess). The only reason they can have a version of this character who could be perceived as “buddy” material is because...the cartoon had an impact on our pop cultural perception of what the character and his dynamic with Lydia is. 

We can have a version of the Big Bad Wolf who’s a creepy monster. We can have a version who’s sweet and lovable. We can have a version that lives in the middle. We can have a version who’s a hybrid between Red and the Wolf (a la Ruby in OUAT). All of these things can exist in the same world, and can even be loved for different reasons by the same people.

I’ve been using Beetlejuice as an example here because it’s kind of perfect for my overall point regarding the toxic ideologies in fandom right now across many different spaces, including ones for progressive and queer media, and how much so many people don’t recognize how deeply they’ve been radicalized into literalist and sex-negative radfem rhetoric, to the point where we aren’t allowed to have difficult, messy explorations of imperfect, flawed humans, and that art is never going to be 100% pure and without flaw in it’s ability to convey what it wants to convey.

This includes the rhetoric I’ve seen across the board, from She-Ra to A:TLA to Star Wars to Lovecraft Country. We don’t talk about the inherent malleable, subjective, or charmingly imperfect nature of fiction any more. Transformation and reclamation are myths in this space. Everything is in rigid categories. It is seemingly very difficult for some of these people to engage with anything that is not able to be clearly labeled as one thing or another (see the inherent transphobic and biphobic elements of the most intense rhetoric). They destroy anything they cannot filter through their ideology. When women act in a way that breaks from their narrative of womanhood (like...not having a vagina), then those women must be condemned instead of understood. Anything that challenges them or makes them uncomfortable is a mortal sin. There is an extraordinary level of both hypocrisy and repressive denial that is underlying the behavior I’m seeing now. Much like toxic Christian conservatism, these people often are discovered engaging in the same behaviors and interests that they condemn behind closed doors (or just out of sheer cognitive dissonance). As an example, one of the people who talked shit to me about Labyrinth was a huge fan of Kill La Kill, which to my knowledge was an anime about a teenage girl in like, superpowered lingere (hence why I stayed the fuck away from that shit myself). Indeed, they even allow themselves plenty of leeway for behavior far worse than they condemn others for, and create support systems for the worst of their own abusers. 

Quite frankly, I’m tired. Instead of talking about theoretical problematic shit, we need to start talking about quantifiable harm. Because as far as I can tell, the most real, immediate, and quantifiable harm done because of anybody’s favorite ships or pieces of media seems to consistently be the kind that’s done to the people who experience verbal violence and abuse and manipulation and suicide baiting and death threats from the people who have a problem.

[frozenartscapes]

I wonder how well do each 3h characters deal with spicy food

Dimitri canonically can't taste anything. However, spice isn't really a taste so much as it is a response to certain chemicals contained in spicy food. So while he might not be able to taste things he still will likely feel them if the spice is hot enough, and based on the region he is from, I doubt he comes across things that are all that spicy to begin with. Faerghus being up north and being a place plagued by food scarcity and famine tells me that spicy food isn't all that common, and as a result, lack of exposure to spice would make his tolerance of spicy food pretty low. There's also the added fact that he would feel that awful burning sensation but wouldn't actually get whatever good taste comes from spicy food, so I doubt he'd be a fan.

Claude, on the other hand, I imagine comes from a place where spices are pretty common in food. Almyra draws a lot of inspiration from places like Morocco and the Middle East, where spice in dishes is the norm. I can see Claude having a pretty high tolerance to spicy food, more so than most of the students at the academy, honestly.

Edelgard is a bit more complicated. She's from the south of Fodlan, and while the climates aren't fully discussed in the game, assuming Fodlan is about the same size as, say, Europe and placed in similar latitudes on the map, Adrestia would actually be warm enough to support more plants that produce some spices and herbs, especially in the regions as far south as Enbarr. Her also coming from the Imperial family would suggest that she would have had more chances to eat exotic foods, like certain spices. So while I'd say her tolerance for spice might be better than some, it's still not very high.

Byleth has an iron stomach (and tongue). They'll eat anything, doesn't matter what. One time Claude managed to get his hands on some ghost peppers and Byleth ate one without even flinching, much to the shock and horror of everyone.

Rhea and the other Nabateans actually have a pretty high tolerance for spice because, as mentioned above, spice isn't a taste. It's a response to things that might burn your mouth (it's why you react the same way to spice as burning your tongue, with sweating, shock, and wanting cold water). So the race of people who can turn into fire-breathing dragons kind of...naturally need a built-in resistance to things burning their mouths.

For everyone else, I see it as varying degrees based on where they come from. Brigid is supposed to be a warm, tropical place, so Petra I can see having a pretty high tolerance. On the other side of that, Gautier is the northern-most region in Fodlan, where, like a lot of northern regions in our world, spice would have to travel a long way to get to it and therefore is pretty rare. Meaning Sylvain can't really handle spice at all. Tbh most of Fodlan I see as having dishes that lean more toward salty or savoury flavour palettes vs spicy ones, so most people in Fodlan have a mild-to-moderate heat tolerance.

[blorbosexterminator]

Sergio's not gonna die, he is needed for a possible re-opening of the show. Palermo is too obvious (and that matters to pina), Raquel was already fake-killed. OTOH, Denver: has a lot more protagonism this season, with flashback and all, he is a universally beloved character (always a good candidate to kill), Jaime Lorente has been seen in some town with pedro and alba filming (prob flashback but why with those 2?). 90% sure he's the dead (if anyone).

Honestly, the only thing that would truly surprise me at this point if they indeed don't kill anyone next volume. Would be a move™, I'll give them that. But yes, I do think that they'll go with Denver too, and it has been foreshadowed to be honest. Doesn't change how much I dislike and genuinely disagree with that choice though. I don't think the actor would be up for a spin-off honestly, but anyway Sergio only has the element of surprise and the parallel with his father (the show is too fond of parallels lmfao) not much else to make his death a good choice.

And as you said, Palermo is predictable. And I imagine, with how politically aware™ the show is this season, they might also try to avoid the 'bury your gays' trope.

The thing is, most of what you and I just listed are just meta-textual reasons. I'm not saying those reasons have no place at all when considering writing choices, of course not, but I do disapprove, generally speaking, of writers taking this too much into account when writing their finales.

Sergio would be shocking to a more extent than the others, but that doesn't make him any more a good choice. Denver would guarantee as much of an angry and frustrated reaction as Nairobi (Although I honestly don't dislike Nairobi's death as much as everyone else. I thought it was well-played to an extent) and would have a strong emotional response plus parallels with Moscu, but to me it would be very misplayed.

I wasn't really talking about what I expect from the show as much as what I personally believe is a good writing choice. I most expect Denver to die, but I think Palermo is the most fitting choice.

Like sure, those things are subjective, and they change from one fan to the other as well as from one writer to the other. But just because the death of a character is predictable doesn't mean it's not the most fitting choice for the situation. Not really, I think it means the audience sees something there.

Look, before anyone starts assuming I just *want* Martín to die to see some afterlife scene for my ship, or even a parallel. Yeah, sure, preferablly as a fan of them I'd love this, but I don't think they are in any way necessar. To me, they would just be peppering that would make the death scene nicer stylistically speaking. I don't even think the show canonized the after-life or something of the sort, again I just think they are a mere stylistic choice. I wouldn't be at all actually bothered if we got nothing of the sort.

I just wholly believe the best choice to go with for both textual and meta-textual reasons is Palermo. First, the meta-textual ones, despite the fact that I disapprove of how they got there, I have to admit that the show managed to get him to be more likable this season. General audiences that have previously hated the hell out of him like him enough now. But at the same time Martín is still not Sergio, Raquel, or Denver. His death would cause some sadness and emotional response in the audience but not literal rage and feeling of betrayel, like say for example how GOT fans felt. Also, Martín now has enough alive characters that care about him that would make his death sad. It's unlikely an audience would give a shit about a character's death if none of the surrounding characters do. But now there is Helsinki, who incidentally Martín is also much nicer and caring towards this season, so Helsi would have "good reasons" to react strongly to his death, Sergio supposedly also cares for Martín, and we can say Raquel respects him. So the characters around him wouldn't be indifferent, especially if his death has value in the narrative, say an actual sacrifice for the rest of them. The show itself is VERY fond of the sort of arc that goes along the line 'Selfish character who caused harm and pain to all around them reaches selfishness and then sacrifices their life for the sake of the others.' It happened with Berlin, it happened with Tokyo. And it seems is effective enough. So if I were the writer and wanted a death that is effective but won't anger audience too much, I'd 100% go with him.

And again, a point is Martín even has something that neither Tokyo nor Andrés did, he had a very direct hand in the killing of a very beloved team member. Sure, you can say Tokyo had a hand in what happened to Moscu, but Tokyo legitimately had very little choice because she couldn't find Sergio and she had no intention to do harm, she didn't know her entrance would literally cost the man's life. Martín knew very, very well what Gandia was capable of and this is exactly why he did what he did.

Martín is narratively still responsible for Nairobi's death and took no hand in even avenging her from Gandia. That was Bogota and then Tokyo. And the character seems to be weighted by that guilt to a large extent. And I think the absolute best way for the narrative to resolve this point is by Martín dying directly to save Helsinki, who the show also made a point of also incapacitating, and I'd imagine that would have repercussions on how efficient getting out of the bank would be on him. Characters rarely get injured just for the sake of it, Nairobi's terrible injury from Alicia made her much more susceptible to Gandia, who had a huge leverage on her as she was physically incapable of resisting anything. (I imagine Monica's situation would also have repercussions--hopefully just not on Denver lmfao)

So despite generally not being a fan at all of the pairing in any way or form, and how they generally make no sense to me, with how the show is going now it's definitely best for Martín to die partially for his plan and partially for Helsinki.

Like ideally, what I'd personally most love to see and what I'd personally write a 2573 different fic versions of, is for Martín to die for his plan and for Sergio. I personally believe outside of the plan, Martín's most important relationship in his arc is with Sergio. But the show already ignored their relationship enough this volume as a first and Sergio already got the strong death scenes with Berlin and Tokyo as a second, it could be seen as an excess. But with Helsinki it's meaningful on a different level. The character Nairobi cared about the most is Helsinki (and he's also nearly as well-liked by the audience), so this would balance what he did to Nairobi in a pretty significant way, not completely out-do it, but the two acts would definitely balance each other. To both the audience and to the characters, Martín would be truly "redeemed." Which despite how much I dislike, and genuinely don't agree with it, the show is already putting a lot of focus on his 'redemption'. I don't like redemption arcs generally speaking, I don't think Martín is fit for it, and I don't think it's happening in an organic way at all, and I frankly believe it made him boring, but alas, it is what is is, the show is already half-way there, it already took that route, so the only end for it is to finish it and go all the way. It would be very useless if he ended up surviving lmfao.

And of course the other reason is for Martín's personal arc. The plan is his life's work, the thing he showed most loyality and love to from the moment he showed up 2 seasons ago, the end of his arc is with the end of his plan. Never mind how A LOT of scenes would be useless if Martín doesn't actually die for the success of the plan; the whole reason Sergio opposed it so strongly is because, in his own words, it was completely suicidal. Sure, you can say that they already proved the plan is dangerous by the army going in and all of this "war", but there was no Rio, Raquel, Plan Paris or Plan Roman in the original plan, so there would have been no reason for things to go that bad in that respect, all that happened in volume one is by direct consquence of the plan changing, so that still leaves the question why was Berlin and Palermo's plan so wrong and so suicidal if we don't take into account this war? If there is no answer and if there is no answer that is actually anchored by a death in canon, then those were really all just empty scenes. And of course it's Martín, the mastermind and engineer, the artist who crafted this poem, that has to die for its completion and overall success. Since day one, his arc has been tied intimately to this plan, we barely even know anything about him beyond it. And like, three people died for the mint heist and it was a plan made to work perfectly without a single flaw, where does this put a heist that was just full of romanticism and complete focus on the gold with disregard to the people? All of the scenes we saw of Sergio rejecting the bank heist in the flashbacks on that basis have to mean something now.

Against all of this, what does Denver have? What will his death signify? Nothing, in my opinion. The man didn't even want to be there. Also I guarantee you, if he does die for Monica the way he said, every single fan will turn against her and the hate the character will receive will be insane. Like why end the story of those two characters this way? What is there beyond edginess and grimness for their own sake?

Martín's death, even if it causes sadness, will be satisfying for his character. Besides, Martín as a character is too much like Tokyo, I don't imagine he himself would be very satisfied growing old and dying under the radar somewhere; going with a blaze now, sealing off his life's work and having his death mean something too is a much, much more satisfying ending for him.

Tldr; Palermo in a very balanced position to kill, especially that he is currently the actual leader, a position the show has given him with more space and better, much nicer spotlight now than in the third season. And I imagine with volume two focused more on extracting the gold, his role will get only bigger in that respect. He's still responsible for Nairobi's death. And he should 100% die for the Gold and the completion of his plan.

[randomwordprompts]

If It's Magic | Chapter 11

Summary: Let's meet some new characters!

Taglist: @wakandan-flowerz @bakarilennox @yaachtynoboat711 @wakandas-vibranium @brwnsugababe @storibambino @thadelightfulone @reaperdeldrunk

A/N: I'm trying to get back into writing regularly, so feedback is always great.

The sounds of a big band playing old standards was the background music to the idle chatter that floated around the Manhattan ballroom. With various doctors, lawyers, and city officials scattered throughout, one might think that the Lector children stood out like a sore thumb. But, thanks to Hannibal's published studies being known globally they didn't get a second thought for being there in his place. All of that aside, the siblings were on a mission. Francois met up with their information source on the inside, who took them to meet the mark in question.

"Dr. Black, there are some people that would like to meet you."

Pausing the conversation with his wife, he turned to face the group with a smile that was so practiced it was believable if you didn't know any better. Jacob Black was a handsome man that had clearly aged well, his salt and pepper hair styled to perfection.

Dr., this is Francois, Jonathan, and Amira Lector. They’re here on the behalf of their father, Dr. Hannibal Lector?”

“Ah yes, Dr. Lector! I’ve read many of his studies and am a bit of a fan of his work. It’s nice to meet you three. I trust you’re enjoying yourselves?”

Francois spoke to the doctor of how happy they were to be attending in their father’s stead and the usual spiel of small talk that came about at events such as these. As everyone was talking and getting to know each other a bit more they were joined by another person. A young man who looked to be about the same age as Jonathan, slim and blonde with Jacob’s jawline and Mrs. Black’s eyes approached. He smiled at the small group before speaking.

“Hello mother, father. Who are your new friends?”

Before Jacob could introduce them Amira spoke up, her hand extended towards him with a warm smile.

“I’m Amira Lector and these are my siblings, Francois and Jonathan. We’re here on behalf of our father, Dr. Hannibal Lector. You must be Joseph, your parents were just talking about you.”

“All good things, I hope,” he replied as he took her hand and kissed the back of it.

She smirked coyly before going, “Anything bad you can prove wrong...or right.”

Jacob and his wife exchanged a knowing look behind their son’s back, recognizing the blatant flirting he was doing. Before Joseph could go any further Jacob decided to speak once more.

“Son, this is Amira’s first time here. Why don’t you show her around?”

“I’d be more than happy to if that’s what the lady would like.”

Amira stepped closer with their hands still connected.

“The lady would love to. Let’s start with a dance?”

Joseph’s brows rose at her forwardness but happily led her to the dance floor as the band began to play Frank Sinatra’s “Witchcraft”. He pulled her into his arms with ease and a smile that has probably charmed the panties off many of the daughters in that very room, but Amira found herself amused at how open his aura was. She knew he’d be easy to get info from once she got him to drop his “just a nice rich boy” act. With that in mind, she decided to take the direct approach.

“So, I think we’re far enough for your parents not to hear us. I go to the New School and heard there was this guy selling goods that looks a lot like you. What’s up with that?”

Joseph almost stumbled while they danced but caught himself before smiling at her forwardness.

“What’s up with what exactly, doll face? I have friends that go there, but I need to know what kind of goods you think I’m peddling.”

Amira leaned in so that their lips almost touched, her front pressed tightly against his before whispering, “I heard you have access to the best coke, and there’s nothing I wouldn’t give for a taste.”

Joseph audibly swallowed as her scent invaded his nose in the most delicious way, that combined with the softness of her body and voice casting a bit of a spell over him. His body immediately reacted and she noticed, subtly stroking her thigh along his crotch as they danced. Before he lost his mind she pulled away a bit, an innocent smile on her red lips as they continued to dance.

“When you put it that way, I think I just might have something for you. Meet me in the coat check in about 10 minutes and I’ll have something sweet just for you, beautiful.”

As the song ended they parted ways and she returned to her siblings to catch them up. She found them chatting up Dr. Black and some of his colleagues, the thought of how proud Hannibal would be to see his children rubbing elbows with these prestigious people brought a genuine smile to her face as she approached.

“Excuse me, sorry to interrupt you all,” she started before turning to her siblings, “I have some writing to finish for my psych class so I’m gonna grab a drink, freshen up a bit, and my siblings can escort me back to my dorm?”

Francois and Jonathan understood what she meant and let her know they’d have the car brought around. Amira left the group to meet up with Joseph while her siblings continued to converse for a bit longer.

Once at the door of the coat check room she gave two soft knocks to the door and was quickly greeted by the young man, who invited her in with that same charming smile.

"You know, I wouldn't have expected such a beauty to be into this stuff. But how much are you looking to buy?"

Amira shrugged, "We all have our vices, Mr. Black. But I think an eighth is enough to start. How much?"

"Only 100 for an eighth, but I've got other things as well. You ever tried heroin with the coke?"

"You mean speedballing? Heard of it, never tried it."

Joseph grinned with a devilish glint in his eyes, clearly having either tried it or seen its effects before.

"It's pretty damn good from what I've been told. Since I like you, I'll give you some heroin on top for an extra 50 just so you can try it out."

Amira hummed thoughtfully before reaching into her clutch and pulling out 200 dollars without batting an eye, Joseph holding a bag he kept stashed in the room in case he got any high-end "customers". He pulled out the pre-packaged and measured drugs, handing them to her as she handed him the money. She placed the drugs into her purse and thanked him before leaving the coat check room, looking around to make sure no one saw her. A vibration from her phone alerted her to a call from Jonathan.

“Hey, you good?”

“Yeah, I just got the candy. You brought the car around?”

“Yeah, me and Fran are in the car now. We’ll see you in a few.”

“Alright, on my way.”

With that, she slipped down the stairs towards the lobby as Joseph came out of the room behind her, heading back towards the party. Once Amira reached the lobby, she gave the doorman a smile and another to the driver that opened the door of the town car in which her siblings awaited her. As she got comfy and settled, the driver began to take them to their next destination.

“So what did you get?” Francois asked, lighting up a pipe filled with weed.

Amira pulled the drugs from her clutch and handed them to Jonathan, who inspected the packaging carefully.

“Coke and heroin? What the fuck did you do to get him to give you both?”

“He offered it for an extra 50 bucks and wanted me to try a speedball.”

Francois sat up, “What is a damn speedball?”

“It’s when you inject coke and heroin together. Very dangerous since they do the opposite shit to the body, but the high is said to be unreal.”

Jonathan shook his head after hearing her explain it, “Well, either way, he put what's gotta be his burner number on here so I think that part is for you, short stack.”

Amira pulled out her phone and put the number into it, saving it while reading some texts she missed while at the party. During this time they ended up back at the dorms as the car came to a stop. Jonathan sat back and slipped the drugs into his pocket before speaking again.

“Okay, so we’re gonna take these to the lab for some testing to see how pure it really is. We’ll get back to you in like a day or two with the results, you just see what other info you can get from Joey in the meantime.”

Amira nodded, “For sure, I’ll keep y’all updated if I learn anything. I’m sure he’ll be happy to get a call from me, given that he was imagining what was under my dress the whole night.”

“Of course he did, I made the dress.” Francois snorted.

After exchanging a bit more information and some goodnights, the three Lectors parted ways. Amira got out of the car and walked into her building, a smile spreading across her face as she spotted a familiar figure waiting for her in the lobby.

“I see you got my text,” she said.

“Of course, and looking at you now I’m so glad that I did. You look good enough to eat, Mira.”

Xavier walked up to her and looped an arm around her waist, pulling her close and pressing his lips to hers in a slow kiss. Amira slipped her arms over his shoulders and returned the kiss eagerly, pressing herself even tighter against him. When they finally broke the kiss she giggled seeing traces of her lipstick on his lips.

“You look pretty edible yourself, but I’m kinda tired tonight. Let’s go up to my dorm and just chill tonight?”

“I’d love that, mon petit. Want me to order some food from Night Owls while you change?”

Amira grinned, “You know me too well. Make sure you order some drinks too.”

“I know you well enough to know not to order food without drinks. Now let’s go so you can change before I try to wake your fine ass up.”

She snorted out a laugh before turning to lead him towards the elevator, looking forward to spending some time with the towering demon.

[raphycraft]

The Bridge in the Birch

Notes: Hi! this is my first fic in a long time tbh, I haven't written in a while and this was just kind of for fun, as most fics are, but I am not looking for any critique on this fic, I'm not looking to improve just sing my mlm heart out lol. Anyway!! this is my little fic about Steve and Alex meeting for the first time in mc, I headcanon Alex as a dude mostly so Alex is a dude in this fic as well as Steve, just wanted to write that outside the tags as well because I don't want people to get confused when they’re expecting a woman presenting or lady Alex! likes and reblogs are greatly appreciated! This is a one-shot but I plan to write more little one-shots with the same Steve and Alex : )

Wordcount:  5860

Tags: mlm, gay romance, men loving men, he him Alex, he him Steve, minecraft fanfiction, slowburn, romance , vanilla mc fic

The Bridge in the Birch

He strode across the plains, following the stream downhill,  it was a dim day with not much to do. Finding himself humming the beat of that one disc, what was it called? The label had 'Mall' written lazily and smeared across the vinyl disc, he remembered. Reminiscing the confused excitement of finding something entirely new while also having no idea what it was. He spent days building something to play it, something he had seen in a village once, a jukebox, it was called. The day he got it working, he tumbled around his room. Stepping easily and shaking his head with pace, back and forth to the soothing beat of the melody. It was something entirely new, something he had never even seen before. And it was really great.

Running his tawny and worn fingers through his dust, brown hair, he sighed back to reality. Weight of the world falling upon his laboured shoulders again, it must have only been 20 or 30 times before that tune became monotonous and drab? yes? Just another thing in the world to become boring, the thrill of the world around him was slowly and ever so slightly becoming less and less every day. Even now, taking an evening walk with a diamond sword concealed in the sheath was ludicrous, but normal for him. But despite the nagging drab of the world, it kept going, and soon enough Steve would have to head back home soon, as dusk approached and the sun melted away into the horizon. But he continued, it wasn't like too much harm could be done to the entirely armoured individual. 

The stream now began to widen out, following the dirt and grass through to the birch woodland and growth not too far ahead. Steves heavy boots began to sink slightly into the muddy frays of the upcoming river. He strayed away slightly to avoid having to clean that mess when he returned later. As the moon began to rise above the hills and mounds of the beyond, the shimmer of the diamond armour was more apparent, traces of light swirling the seams and bolts of Steves armour, the plum shimmering form of the character heading into the heavy shrub and thicket. Birch trunks surrounded him, he lit a torch, fiercely grinding the coal ore against the frayed wooden stick. Burning brightly, the flame burst into life and swallowed the emerging darkness around Steve, whipping and lashing at the trees and shrub around it, Steve always managed to sway and manoeuvre it well enough to avoid any little forest fires. A mistake sorely made too many times when he first woke up in this abyss, empty world.

The sun was still swirling and melding against the rust and rouge sky still, barely visible as the transition formed between the two lights in the sky, watching the two supposedly shift and the sky reform never got old, it was one of the only things that never became annoying, or drab, or like a nagging feeling of time passing for Steve, he craned his head upwards steadily, as he followed the light he held out in front of him into the forest. He decided he would follow the river around the birch thicket, he knew this area well but hadn't usually ventured past the broad and sunk river, all the way from the small stream in the plains, the body of water travelled down the lands and formed larger and greater till the birch thicket approached, it formed deep here and had never occurred to Steve go beyond the water.

It was then Steve let his head fall to the area in front of him again, fanning the smouldering flame in his hands to reignite the fiesty flame, his eyes squinting desperately at a moving form in the approaching shrub, the glow of a lantern was sparkling against the light of steves torch, he almost dropped the stick at his own feet, bewildered at the sight, a light source? There was no village, he knew that for sure, no lanterns or lights he had left himself, he had walked this route a thousand times when he needed to clear his thoughts, only his thoughts were racing faster than ever before. 

Did a villager leave this lantern here or something? he thought as he approached, gently reaching up to touch the lantern hanging from its rusted chain, attached to the birch branch above him, just to check it was real. The smouldering heat of the flame hitting the glass was real, and he could feel it, he almost rang back his dishevelled hand out of absolute confusion and bewilderment. No? villagers are not known to wander away from their towns, they can barely hold up themselves without a golem. He couldn't imagine a villager wandering out here to place a lantern in the trees. Then what? he turned rapidly, looking for an answer, something to follow this mysterious amber light. There he spotted it, another lamp, and what looked like to be a structure over the river past the dark and bundling trees and shrub. He jogged hurriedly, confused and hoping for answers, but also excited, it wasn't like a structure he had ever seen before, it was something entirely new. 

Approaching the structure he slowed, apprehensively standing behind the protection of a birch tree, he gasped to himself as he gazed upon the small bridge crossing the river, it had been about a week or so from which he last walked this way, it must have been created in that time, it was nothing like the other structures, that had always existed before his time, this one was absolutely new. 

The wood posts were oak and held strong and clearly new, stripped and held up by fences, nothing was damaged or weak, it was definitely recent, Steve knew that new intoxicating smell of cut wood. There were large stone brick posts forced into the shingle and clay in the riverbed, they held well and the flow of water dashed around the structure intruding its body continuing around the lowland and around to the plains again. There were planks and trapdoors placed and nailed above the wooden posts as a shelter to the bridge, with lanterns hanging down from the roof of the structure. He approached wearily from behind the birch trunk, noticing there had been fresh daisies, oxies and tulips planted, the soil around them fresh and bumpy in the grass. He began to slow as he stepped toward the fresh hold of the bridge, the stone steps late and unfamiliar to him, someone had built this he thought, stepping onto the first ledge of the step.

The sounds of logs falling and colliding as they hid the floor echoed out the forest, Steve whipped his head up instantly, no longer heavy and weighed by his thoughts (and his helmet) fixed in place by shock and disorientation, torpidly lifting his arms to lift the helmet from his crown as his eyes laid upon the figure in front of him.

Their face was pale with awe, their face basking in the light of the bustling lanterns. Squash fray hair pulled to the side in a messy and rushed ponytail, tousled with the wind gently pulling their hair from side to side, their iron boots shining in the emerging moonlight above, they had a ruffled sage shirt, tucked into their bronze and tight belt, their trousers clearly too big for them, hanging by the belt and collecting at the collar of their boots. Steve letting his eyes fall to the logs surrounding their feet, finally reacting to the clonk and clobber initiating his surprise.

"Uh, let, let me get that". Steve had no idea how he could so casually create such a regular response to such a world-changing matter, but it was his reaction, to just respond in such a way that was almost more absurd than the life-changing event of meeting another person that he had just experienced. He scrambled over the bridge, leaving his helmet on the stone pillar of the bridge on his side. Boots thumping heavily against the plank to the other side, realising he had never even been to this side of the river, he couldn't even comprehend there had been another person here.

The individual stood back in confusion, almost aghast at the situation. As he lent down, he came closer to the person, they had a fray stubble on their chin, misshapenly shaved by the looks of it, and blemish and brown freckles peppered their skin all over, tracing their hands and nose, down their neck and onto their collar, of which he noticed now the sage shirt hung loosely off of their shoulders, they were very scrawny, and their hands were thin and bony, they had leathery gloves with the fingers cut off, and he could even see their fingers were freckly. The palms of the gloves worn and discoloured with time, muddy and frayed at the fingertips. Steve collected the logs around their muddy iron boots and slowly raised to meet with the figure, although he couldn't because here he found he was a good head and a half smaller than the person in front of him, he had estimated. 

"h-here" Steve awkwardly and abrasively held out the logs in his arms, towards the person in front of him.

"I, thanks, I guess" they took the logs from Steve and stood holding them for a moment, in distraction and a strange inability to continue this strange, strange, interaction. 

"Are you the only one?" they asked, with an almost laughable bluntness, their voice was low but gentle, a stark contrast to Steves deep and gruff tone.

"Well, I thought I was. But uh, you, you're here, unless your not human and-"

"I'm human, I think." They cut in, realising that they were both in the same predicament they looked into each other's eyes for a moment, trying to sort and find an answer to this scenario without a single word. Steves wide, clear aqua eyes swirled and looked into the cloudy, tired chartreuse eyes of the person in front of him craning his head slightly to lock gazes.

"My name is Alexander, Alex for short"

"My name is Steve"

The two finally let go of their curious stares, and under the approaching night sky, the stars peering down excitedly on the two Alex gave Steve an apprehensive smile. Steve warily responded with a beaming smirk. They each awkwardly smiled at each other again for another moment, Steves hands awkwardly pinned to his sides, neither had any idea what to do, something was telling Steve to hug him, tell him how happy and excited he was to meet him, how he had wished he crossed this river long ago. And something inside of Alex felt the same, Alex swallowed his hold on his discontent and excitement all at the same time and opened his mouth to speak again.

"Well I, its dark now, so I should be heading home." He blurted in a flustered manner. Tightening his hold on the logs, almost rushing to just run to his comfy, familiar home. Turning on one foot he spun towards the direction he had come.

"Do you want to meet here tomorrow? I just, I've never met a person before and I feel like we could really use each-"

"midday, 12, when the sun hits the 2nd quarter of the clock" Alex scurried off, in apprehension and a clear awkward fear of heaving to deal with this entirely new scenario. He strode as confidently as one could in this sort of ordeal, away from his newly-built bridge he had been so proud of only a few hours ago, remembering he had needed to add extra support to some of the posts, only to have this happen. "You didn't even finish it” he muttered in frustration to himself. Unlike Steve, Alex was a man who preferred his own company, something that seemed to sort itself out nicely in such a world as this, he had become accustomed to talking to his own self as a form of interaction, and had never even considered another person. The only people he knew were the South Village and they never really spoke on the same terms but understood each other well enough. He turned abruptly at this thought to gaze back at the person he now knew as Steve, Steve had excitedly run back from his side of the bridge into the shrub, torch in hand away to the side of the river Alex had never really been before. He turned back and headed into the plains beyond, there his small cabin stood. Away from the village but close enough to see the gentle lamps in the far distance as the darkness of the night entirely fell over the world. Alex dropped the logs and let them hit the small wood porch in absolute exhaustion. His body heavy and anxious he kicked off the large and stumpy boots to the side of his door, leaning over to one of the lamps hanging from his porch cover, opening the small glass panel to light it up as it spat and sprung inside of its cage, it burst bright and heavy as Alex scorched a piece of coal against the small flame. Reaching back to his door he stared at the flame for a moment, still not able to comprehend what had just happened. He quietly pushed the squeaky hinges open and closed the handle just as the sound of rattling bones and light steps emerged from the treeline. Locking the small bolt on his door he sighed with such release he hadn't felt in months, he leaned up against the wooden door and let himself slump against it and idly removed his tattered gloves.

"Your not the only one, Alex" he stared at his own hands for a moment. He clenched them softly in a strange confusion he did not even understand himself, and lifted his heavy body from the wooden floor and into the next room, almost throwing himself onto the bed, not even thinking about his muddy clothes staining the sheets he kicked off the dirty worn trousers over the side of the red sheets and pulled the thin and meagre covers over himself. Laying his head into the worn and handstitched pillow, holding it in fear he might lose it if he let go. The worn and tired bags around his eyes bettered him at that moment, and he fell asleep clutching bedsheets warming himself into the cool night. 

The sun poured into the dark and sombre room, Steve rolling over as the light fell onto his figure and lit his shadow up in the amber morning. The birds singing from the windowsill outside, their shadows dancing and halting in front of the window. The figure grumpily held his eyes shut in a desperate attempt to resist his awakening, he pulled the grey covers over his messy tangled hair, he had almost escaped the clutches of the morning when a heavy bark and howl rung from outside of his bedroom doors. A repeated howling and scratching fell on the oak doors. Steve growled with a low hunger and opened his eyes to the noise. "shut up Panda" he begged as he blinked the sleep out of his eyes. rolling onto his side towards the loud and bright window. Sunlight glaring and life peering from the rays that entered his gloomy tired room. He had pondered as to why he hadn't closed the curtains before he fell asleep last night, and then it hit him that it had been a deliberate action. He sat up with a purpose as the events that unfolded the previous night were found in his sleepy memory, he had left them open on purpose so he wouldn't sleep late! He swung his legs over the side of the bed and gasped as they hit the cold floorboards. 'Worst part of the morning' he thought as he stretched and strained his muscles to wake them up. The howling and scratching had yet to slow from behind the double doors, He rose and shuffled over to the doors, swinging them open from the force on the other side. 

"Good morning, Panda" He tried to resist and curb his beaming smile as his wolf and friend, sat excitedly at the door in the landing, and burst in the second it had the opportunity. "You're excited this morning arent you, do you know where I'm off to today?" he crossed his sturdy and wiry arms behind his head to stretch again, Panda leaping onto the covers, circling a good spot to sit while she listened to Steve contemplate about all the decisions he had to make before going out. Steve cracked his knuckles while trying to rearrange all the bundling thoughts in his head properly. "The clock!" he declared to himself, well himself and Panda. He knew he had one hanging around somewhere, he had used it countless times before but never found much need to carry it now, it wasn't like he ever had to remember a time to meet someone. Until now. He rushed down to the landing, pottering down the oak steps, holding the bannister as he sped into his living area and into the crafting room. Here he had piles of boxes, rows of chests and drawers filled with miscellaneous items he needed from time to time. Where would he even keep such a thing? he thought about it for a moment before realising he often didn't organise much in here anyway, so it's not like it fit into a category. He started opening every latch on the chests, barrels, boxes and draws and swinging open their lids and doors. Rummaging through every pointless possession he had from his countless journeys. Eventually, in the box filled with odd nicknacks, an eye of ender, an empty glass bottle, an old treasure map and under it all was the tattered and scratched clock, its glass cracked to the left of its circular clock face. He stared at it for a moment, almost needing how to remember how the thing worked. The small dials and arrows confused the still half asleep individual, he stared a moment longer before exclaiming in panic, it was not long until the hand struck the 2nd quarter. 

He paced himself upstairs back into his room, pulling the old and large nightshirt haphazardly off of his body, throwing it into the washbin next too the door. He swung open his large set of drawers, finding his clothes. he grabbed the blue shirt and pulled it over his scarred and unshaven torso, lunging arms as fast as he could into the sleeves of the thing, falling back onto the bed almost, he pulled up his casual and well-cut denim jeans, making sure the pockets weren't sticking out, he stumbled over to the small mirror on his desk. Looking into the musty glass (he remembered at this moment he had to clean it at some point) he saw the reflection of his swarthy skin and the thick beard on his face, he contemplated shaving but remembered he didn't have much time and didn't want to make Alex feel like this was anything more than a curious meeting. He caressed the hair on his face for a moment and grabbed his comb to tidy up his messy hair. It was coarse and dark and the light reflected on it with a sharp hazel glow. Harshly pulling the wooden tool into the front of his hair trying to calm it, he pulled his cheeks trying to check for any marks, it was then he realised how dirty his hands were. 

Steves's hands were shabby and timeworn, he often did hard manual labour and had to learn how to hold a sword of such size somehow. He turned and gazed at the dusted and wrinkly knuckles that belonged to him, and met his eyes with his right hand, which had an old bandage fitted around his palm and wrist so it bore less damage and he got less burn on that particular hand. It occurred to him he hadn't properly cleaned his hands or replaced the bandage in days. And head into the washroom to the right of his room to clean off before he left. Unravelling the bandage, it was dirty and mucky underneath. He dove his hands into the bucket of water and tried to scrub any dirt from under his nails as best he could. He found more bandage in the draw besides the bucket and wrapped his right hand up again before running out just in time he thought. Kissing Panda on the forehead goodbye and promising he would let her run outside later. As he approached the bottom of the stairs he locked eyes with the armour stand at the door, the hallway beaming with light reflecting off of its arctic blue shining form. He smirked before deciding he didn't need it and picking up his axe and leather strap, strapping the axe to his back and pulling the strap over one shoulder across his torso, he didn't wanna scare Alex right?

Swinging open the large oak doors by their iron handle, he breathed in the fresh and crisp air of the dreamy sunny morning, almost jogging with the clock in hand, trying to find a good pace to make it on time. After a few minutes, he could see the birch forest in the distance, beyond the plains and mounds. He smiled as he approached the thicket once again, now the environment radiated with serenity and bursting sunlight peered through the trees at him, he tried to remember exactly what spot the bridge had been at, aimlessly following the river and the sound of the water rushing until he spotted the structure through the bushes. 

Alex had sat expectantly for some time now, under the shade of the bridge on the luminous and clear day, the lamps had gone out on the bridge but they were not needed under this brilliant sun. He tampered with the unravelled wove of the basket he had brought, keeping it close to him while fidgeting with its worn and old handle. The stick basket held a bundle of goodies: sweet bread, cookies, a slice of pie for each of the boys, cut apples, and some various slices and cuts of pork. "That'll go off if he's not here soon" the individual revised to himself in a fussy tone. He pulled a small gold pocket watch from his pocket, swaying the small device to try and read the dial with the sun reflecting on the clean shimmering glass frame.  

"Alex!" Steve called from beyond some of the trees, Alex shut the golden watch surprised, and stood to greet the other man, brushing off the dust from his baggy trousers he greeted Steve with a  shy smile the stared at each other again for a moment, Steve saw that Alex did not look as nearly as dishevelled as the night before. His hair was tidy and in a soft plait on his right shoulder, fringe set to the side behind his ear in a tidy fashion, and the small fluff on his chin was now cleaned to an even stubble around his face. "Hi! sorry if I'm late, I don't usually use this clock, to be honest with you" Alex peered down to the messy, rough silver clock that steve held in his palm, scratched and cracked at the glass. 

"Maybe because it isn't saying the right time" he pointed timidly with a chuckle, "the hand isn't placed correctly, " he corrected the smaller but more robust man, Steves face flustered with a cherry-pink before huffing about some dodgy merchant, Alex smiled in comfort for the first time that morning, trying to contain a giggle under his grin, before sitting on the side of the bridge he came from, basket in front of him, Steve following the motion with an embarrassed shy smile.

Alex, not sure how to continue the interaction, simple opened the latch of the basket and began to take out the small cloth bundles filled with treats and food, Steve reminding himself at the sight of his low rumbling hunger earlier. 

"Wow shit, if I knew you were bringing stuff I would have brought you something nice" He peered as Alex silently handed him a cookie. 

"Don't worry about it, I had nothing to do all morning anyway" He peered up to meet eyes with Steve "do you want a sandwich? I've got pork".

"Yeah thanks, I, so you've never met another person right?"

"No, I haven't, well not like you, there are the villagers"

Steve piped up at this mention "Oh so you've been to a village? yeah, they're strange, no matter how hard I try I just can't understand completely? you know? It's like their language is off-limits to my brain"

"I lived in one all my life and still couldn't seem to understand entirely their language, but I guess it's impossible"

"You were raised in a village?" Alex perked his head up from cutting the bread, almost slicing such a horrendously uneven piece off right there with the dagger as Steve asked his question. "Well yeah?" he gave Steve an unsure look, "where else would I come from? A good 4 years at least. When I woke up, had no idea where I was, they had found me on the outskirts of the village and apparently, the golem carried me there. They looked after me as best as they could I suppose."

Steve bored his eyes into Alex a moment while trying to figure out what he had just said, "4 years..." he pondered "are you sure it was 4? I woke up in the woods I'd say closer to 5 years ago. I was like a newborn basically. I had no clue what I was, or who I was, I just remember waking up and wandering around. Eventually, I started to try and make tools to survive after nearly dying on the first night of my life." he chuckled at this as if it was some simple remark.

"You woke up in the forest? shit, I, I got it lucky then I guess. I guess it could have been 5 years, it was only till half a year later I started properly taking note of the days passing." he tried to remember as he passed the smaller man a pork sandwich. 

The two sat in silence for a moment as they took their first bite each, Steve ripped into the sandwich, clearly excited to shove the entire thing in his mouth, it seemed to Alex. Alex momentarily watched, before taking a small bite into his, uptight at the thought of eating in front of another person, but then again, judging by the way steve was eating he didn't seem to care who was looking, which definitely took some of the anxious weight off of Alex's shoulders. 

"So do you think," he swallowed "we might have woken up at the same time? and never have even known?"

"Well I think so" Steve expressed as best as he could with a full mouth, "we both said 4 or 5 years, and I've never met anyone else so I don't really have any experience about how people are made in this world"

"I can't believe I'm, not the only one" Alex raised his gaze longingly, suddenly the tension raised again as they were pulled back into the stark reality of this meeting, they were both meeting the only other person (as far as they knew) in the entire world that was like them. Steve finally gulped down his mouthful and gave Alex a pining look, that feeling of needing to hug Alex and tell him how glad he came to him, and the same feeling began to bubble inside of Alex too. Steve didn't hold down this feeling this time and smiled with such joy as he practically leapt over to Alex, holding him in an embrace. Alex squealed with such surprise it sent his face into a bundle of blushing nerves. And wearily returned the embrace and wrapped his spindly arms around the large and hardy man. 

The thinner man's mind raced with so many different bursts of thoughts. At every moment his brain was observing something else he loved about the man, something he had not entirely noticed before, the feeling of his skin, his weight, his presence, the way his hair was heavy and felt nice on his face, how his beard felt rough as it brushed against him. His face was soft, but his arms were heavy and blemished with age, it was textured, and he was quite fuzzy, arm hair bustling and his hands were worn and old, completely changed by labour, the way his large and burly figure wrapped around him like a ragdoll, he was large and muscular, but was tender in the way he moved. As Alec returned the embrace and wrapped his spindly arms around the sturdy torso of the shorter man. Steves hug grasped with such beaming joy as Alex wrapped into his cradle. He was soft and seemed to sink into Steves embrace, his face was blemished and his eyes held a wisened age Steve couldn't quite pinpoint. His expression was often cloudy and even if Steve couldn't see it, he could feel the lax and affectionate feelings radiate from Alex in his arms.  Alex was fragile, it felt weird to consider him in such a way, but he just felt fragile and tense for a moment too long before easing into the snuggling arms of Steve. Steves’s heart bustled as Alex tenderly nuzzled his head into the crook of Steves’s neck, almost in such a manner where he wanted it to go unnoticed. 

As the two parted, after a silent adoring moment in each other’s arms, Steve chuckled at the frays of Alex’s hair straying and floating in the dazed air surrounding them, he noticed his face was faint with pink but didn’t bring it up, he was more focused on chuckling at the sight of the messy nest of hair he had created. ‘it’s easy to ruin’ he thought, which led him onto considering how long Alex had spent neatly placing his hair just to see him. 

“What? What are you laughing at?” Alex exclaimed to the silent forest, he had turned his head with haste to compose himself for a moment. 

“Sorry,” Steve hollered, from what was previously light and a hearty chuckle. “Your hair is just so messy” He leaned over to flick the lock of auburn hair away from Alex’s eyes gingerly. 

Alex’s face hardened with a chill embarrassment. He was so jarred by the confidence of Steve, from the moment they met he had been the one to initiate any conversation or real interaction, if Steve had not been so casual about their first meet, he would have turned on his heel and ran with his tail between his legs, he was sure of it. But he hadn’t, he was sitting here now, blushing and trying to tame his hair while the burly figure chuckled and hollered at his expense in such a soft cheer it was rattling the mind of the introvert with such discord he could only sit there and stare for a moment. 

“Sorry for that” Steve realised the weight of the embarrassment, looking at his almost locked face for a moment longer, his giggle dying down into a concerned raise of eyebrows. “It’s just been a lot meeting you, It was instinct, if that, makes sense”. 

“No no no, I get it” Alex finally shook the introverted daze and responded, “It wasn’t bad just, unexpected.” 

“You don’t get a lot of company, do you?”

“Do either of us?”

Steve timidly smiled at the former again, “Well you don’t need me for the company do you? I visit villages a lot, merchants are commonly by my place; they’re always spotting the chimney smoke and the noise, and well, I have a dog too. I don’t like being alone too long, reminds me of when I first woke up.”

Alex’s mouth as he was listening turned up into a silent ‘o’ as Steve listed on. “ Ooooh, here’s the thing, I prefer to be alone, I don’t know, I guess it just worked out, like, I never thought anyone else but I existed anyway so, I feel pretty indifferent about it”.

“Well, have you ever thought if you’d like company? If you haven’t thought about it before.”

Alex pondered a moment genuinely before cheekily smiling at Steve “aw, you want my company that bad?” 

Now it was Steves turn to be stunned, Alex had just shot a sly remark his way, uncommon but hilarious. The two laughed together a moment. Softly smiling at each other and simply appreciating one another’s presence. The sky was bundling with clouds and the sun still shot through where it could with great luxury, but the heat started to dissipate into mild weather. The two sitting on the bridge, eating, talking about trivial things. Finally, after hours the cheery pair realised how dark it was getting, the clouds swelling and the sun finally retiring, dipping beneath the hills. Rain rapidly began to drip and pour. Steve and Alex scrambled to collect the picnic and put it in its basket as the water leaked and snuck through the gaps, slits and cracks of the thin wooden roof of the bridge. “God I’m a shit builder” Alex blurted, the static of the pouring rain interrupting him while trying to desperately cover his not-so-tidy hair. Steve finally finished lumping all of the remains of food into the woven basket, handing it to Alex as the snapping thunder began above them.

“This got messy quick” Steve shouted over the thunder

“You don’t say,” Alex took the basket in a firm grip, afraid it might slip out from under his grasp.

They looked into each other’s eyes for about the millionth time today, still in wonder, feeling like the void they had opened up wasn't nearly as satisfied as they had expected. Their fingers brustling against one another as Steve passed the basket to Alex's smooth and soft palms. The tight grip over it barely defines the cracks in his fingers and palms. 

“I’ll come to check in tomorrow?”

“Sure” they smiled.

Steve beamed as his beard began to deflate and his hair fell over his eyes. The rain showering over the man, with his top clinging to his skin, he turned with hesitance as they waved their goodbyes and he ran off with a fast pace, searching for refuge from the rain. Alex weakly grinned to himself as he ran through the trees, holding the basket over his head to keep it from wetting further. Finding himself on his damp and rainy porch, he didn’t bother to light the flame in the lantern and entered the squeaky spruce door.

[fillingthescrapbook]

On Series Finales, Shenanigans, and Sabotage

In this post, I talk about the end of Superstore and WandaVision, the finale of Call Me Kat, the shenanigans of RuPaul's Drag Race, and what feels like sabotage to Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist.

Let's start with the good;

WandaVision delivered a great opening for Marvel's "Phase 4." While it was an amazing exploration of what it means to grieve, the series was also a great essay on what the medium of television means for so many of us who watch: an escape, and a way to process our real-life problems through characters who can have happy endings.

Of course, the show wasn't perfect. While the first half of the series took its time to set the milieu, the characters and their goals, and the tension of things not being what they seem--an impressive juggling act up until the fifth episode--the second half felt a little rushed with no room to let the supporting characters react and breathe. Which, sure, I get that the show called WandaVision would focus on characters named Wanda and Vision, but I felt like they could've given the others more to do?

Like when Wanda was fighting [redacted] and Vision tried to help out, [redacted] was just standing there. Watching. Like, [redacted] had powers too. And they didn't even attempt to do something? Really?

And that's not to mention set-ups for plots that were eventually dropped.

Although, according to interviews, the blame for some of this this falls on the pandemic. In their original timeline, the show would've finished filming and would have been editing the finale before the show premiered. In reality, by the time they started cutting the finale episode, they had already aired four episodes. Which meant they've already planted and aired a few scenes for a certain character to pay off in later episodes. Pay-off that they then decided to cut out because it ultimately felt like filler. Had the pandemic not happened, they might have had time to cut out the foreshadowing from the earlier episodes too.

But even with the faults, and the lack of accountability for certain actions done, WandaVision was ultimately a good show. One that was clearly made with love.

And speaking of shows made with love, let's talk about Superstore and its final act.

I've seen a lot of online feedback that Superstore wasn't as good with Amy gone. I don't agree. Amy (and actress America Ferrera) was the cherry on top of an ice cream sundae--or the sprinkles. She's a great part of a whole, but the product was still great without her. But I have to say: seeing her back in the last two episodes? It made the ending all the more bittersweet.

I will miss this show. I will miss its laughs, its hi-jinx, its resilience...and most of all, its heart. I've said before that if a show could survive without a proper wrap-up it would be Superstore; because it's such a perfect snapshot of real life for many of us. But I'm glad that the people behind the camera, the current show runners Jonathan Green and Gabe Miller, show creator Justin Spitzer, and returning director Ruben Fleischer, came together and gave the shows' fans a bow-tied finale that was full of hope and happiness.

I loved every single thing about the finale except the part that it was the last episode. Because even though I was satisfied with what they gave us? I still wanted more time with the staff of Cloud 9.

Now, let's move on to Call Me Kat.

I was a little iffy about the show when it started. It had some good bits, but it was also peppered with so many not-so-great ones. The pros: Mayim Bialik really made the character her own even in scenes lifted from the show it was based on; Kyla Pratt became a more and more engaging presence as the show went on; episodes that were original to Call Me Kat were both very fun and heartwarming; and it was a show that was unapologetically camp.

As the season went on, I started forgiving the show for things I didn't like (the closing goodbyes, and the imagined Brigitte) and even looked forward to new episodes. But then the season finale happened. And the show brought back one of the things I really didn't like in the first few episodes: the Kat-Max romance.

I do not have a problem with Cheyenne Jackson's acting nor his character. I think Max is great. But only as a friend. Because I just do not see any romantic chemistry between him and Mayim Bialik's Kat. I was happy that the show introduced a new love interest for Kat because I really didn't want her pining for Max the whole series. Sadly, the show switched gears and made Max pine for Kat instead.

It's still not working for me. And I really hate how it came back. Because the first time Max started to see Kat in a different way was when she started dating the new love interest, Oscar. It came off like he was threatened that his back-up plan is now desirable to someone else. And then he doubled down on his "love" for ex-girlfriend Brigitte. Which was initially played earnestly and then became a cover for Max fighting his feelings for Kat. And then the obvious deus-ex-machina in the finale where Kat had no choice but to entertain her crush on Max again.

If Call Me Kat gets a second season--which I hope it does--I hope the show runners realize that Kat and Max don't have to end up together. That they can remain friends and still have that fun dynamic with each other. Because not every friendship need to evolve into romance. (That goes for Kyla Pratt's Randi and Julian Gant's Carter too.)

Now, since we're already on the topic of plot lines being forced into being, let's talk about RuPaul's Drag Race. I started watching this show in its 8th season. It was a reality competition that was fun, funny, colorful, entertaining, and revolves around art. I got hooked. I then watched the two seasons that came after, lost interest in Season 11, and then came back for the twelfth season because of the pandemic and found it a little fun again. And then Season 13 happened. And I can't believe the show I started watching because I enjoyed the laughs became a show I now hate-watch.

I don't know what happened behind the scenes after Season 9, but there is something terribly off with how RuPaul's Drag Race has been produced since then. There's more emphasis on drama that isn't really dealt with properly, there's obvious favoritism, and there's a great disconnect between what the judges are seeing and what is being presented to television viewers. And yet I continue to watch.

Let's just say: I'm hoping either Symone or Rosé wins. But let's be honest: the producers of RuPaul's Drag Race is setting Gottmik up for the win as the first transman to compete. Which I feel is unfair. Because while Gottmik is great, Rosé has more nerve and talent while Symone has the charisma and uniqueness.

And finally: Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist and the sabotage, self-inflicted and otherwise, that's ringing the death knell for the show.

The first season was lightning in a bottle. While it was by no means perfect, it had so much heart that it didn't matter. We wanted to root for Zoey even when we knew that she couldn't realistically have it all. The core of the show was that Zoey cared. Too much as some characters would say. But because she cared, we cared. In comparison, Season two Zoey feels like a completely different person when her plot line has nothing to do with her father.

I can't help but feel that the show sabotaged itself by splitting the show into two: the one that's about Zoey, and the other one that's about Mo and Max's business venture. Zoey's plot lines, while not all stellar, still felt like it had the DNA of the first season. Mo and Max's feels like a completely different show that's airing simultaneously with Zoey's--with the occasional crossover when Zoey needs to talk with either one of them.

It didn't feel that way when it started though. But episode by episode, the business venture just started to separate more and more. And instead of drawing Mo and Max back to Zoey's show, the writers just kept pushing Zoey to visit their world instead.

The recent episode, where Zoey wanted to recapture the feeling she had when watching a celestial event with her dad, was the first time the show felt anything remotely like the one I watched last year. We see Zoey caring about other people, we see her struggling to balance her own needs with others--and we see her actually trying to process her emotions again. And it just had to happen in the first episode on a new time slot that's barely been promoted.

So after Zoey’s self-sabotaged, now it's their network's turn to sabotage the show by putting it in a time slot with stronger competition--while not bothering to promote the heck out of the move. This feels like the network has already made a decision not to renew the show for a third season, and the episodes left to air are the last ones we're getting. And that Zoey's not gonna get a second chance to go back to the show that it once was.

I can't even feel sad though. Because I feel like I already saw the show I loved last year slowly die right in front of my eyes.

[filmbuffsassemble]

The Avengers’ Journey (spoilers)

I just watched Endgame again yesterday and I think this time, it sank into me that we will never see the OG Avengers together again which is a greater loss than anything I can ever imagine.

Hawkeye

We first saw him in a short cameo in Thor and then he went on to be possessed by the Tesseract. I loved Hawkeye but he was not my favourite Avenger. He did went through a lot and he did so with mostly a bow and arrow. I look up to him because of his love for his family. He was willing to sacrifice everything in Vormir to get his family back and his friendship with Nat was his greatest redemption; he brought her back from her past violences and she brought him back from his present self. They were an iconic duo and they did not deserve to lose each other so soon after being reunited. Hawkeye may not have super strength or a suit of armour, but he still was every bit as heroic.

Bruce Banner/Hulk

Dr. Banner; a man at odds with who he is, who hated who he could become and eventually embraced it with finality. Bruce was always afraid of being Hulk, especially after the events of Age of Ultron. Until Infinity War, I’m fairly certain that he was scared of going rouge. Even though I was not a fan of Nat and Bruce romantic-wise, it must have been a solace that Bruce had Nat to bring him back to himself. He was the second brain of the Avengers, the peacekeeper (ironically) between them and his journey does not end here, we’ll see him soon.

Thor

I adore Thor, he’s one of the most complex characters in Avengers. Thor was the character who could be surrounded by a million people and still feel lonely. Family issues, girlfriend issues, he had them all until he lost everything. Thor is synonym with Loki despite their always-hurting-each-other-but-i-love-you-relationship. Thor was absolutely in depression in Endgame and who could blame him honestly. He’s the Avenger who lost his entire family; he literally has no blood by his side. It’s understandable why he spiralled and I think it was important for fans to see that instead of pretending he was fine. He went through the most emotional turmoil but was always trying to hide it. Even the strongest Avenger can only take so much. It will take some time for Thor to be back to his usual self but we can look forward to it.

Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow

The only female Avenger but with the heaviest emotional baggage. Nat does not get enough recognition that’s all I can say. She went through shit after shit but she’s ultimately the one who held the team together. She was the only one working her ass off 5 years after Infinity War and her breaking down was the most heartbreaking thing I’ve watched. She’s always been strong but her short reprieve showed us how much she truly cared for the only family she ever had. She’s always hated herself but she embraced it with the Avengers because they accepted her for who she was. Her relationship with Clint was also tear-jerkingly beautiful. He was there with her from the very beginning, from freaking BUDAPEST, all the way to her last moments. There are no words to describe their friendship. Clint’s children treated her like a second mom and we can only imagine how they will react when Clint delivered the news that their Aunt Nat will no longer meet them for lunch and teach them how to throw knives. Her friendship with Cap was also the best. When Clint was not around, Nat poured herself out to Cap and he to her. Nat told Cap “I’ll see you in a minute” but he never saw her again and he never got the chance to say goodbye. That alone was enough to get me sobbing. Nat has always been determined, she was never afraid of dying to bring everyone back and she ultimately crossed off her red ledger (she saved a billion people that’s more than enough) There are so many words to say about Nat, and this could go on for another 1000 words but ultimately she was selfless, she loved fully, and she will never be forgotten.

Steve Rogers/ Captain America

Cap might be my second favourite Avenger. He fought the Nazis, was frozen for years and never once did he stop fighting. He was the glue that held the Avengers together. I do think that his ending was perfect; he loved Peggy with all his heart. Their relationship was a staple in the MCU and it was only fitting that he spent the rest of his life with her. Cap was the definition of selfless, he was willing to die for Bucky in CATWS, he was there for Nat when she needed someone and he was the leader of the Avengers. He brought the group together; he was their morale, heart and soul. The bromance of Cap and Tony really struck me even though his best friends are of course Bucky and Sam. They were polar opposites, and were fighting tooth and nail almost all the time. Yet the trust they had for each other was breathtaking; they worked so well as a duo and when Cap cried at Tony’s death, it ruined me so much. I don’t think we can fully appreciate Cap’s existence in the MCU. He would forever be irreplaceable. He had the strongest principles, he was even willing to fight Thanos’s army if the rest of the Avengers had not arrived. It was only fitting that he wielded Mjolnir. Thank you Chris Evans, no one could ever play Captain America better than you did.

Tony Stark/ Iron Man

My one true love, the best Avenger, the saviour. Tony started of as a narcissistic, arrogant and sarcastic person. Then he became Iron Man and the rest was history. There’s always this thing called hero-complex that everyone supposed a superhero has but Tony was different. It was in his nature to save the world or he would be ridden with guilt and he would not be able to rest. No one could say that he’s selfish when he was the most fucking selfless person ever. He had nothing before Pepper and then he had everything; a wife, a daughter, a family. He lost his parents so early into his life and he finally earned his own family. But he knew the cost of joining the fight, yet he did so willingly. He could not live with himself if he did not join in the fray. That’s who Tony Stark was, plain and simple. He risked everything to save the world even though he was happy and finally content. When he saw Stephen Strange holding up his finger, he knew what he had to do and you could literally see him bracing himself for what was to come. And when he said “I am Iron Man”, that will go down in history. He suffered the most from Thanos, he had PTSD from the New York battle and it haunted him forever. Yet his love for his family which includes the Avengers triumphed over everything. His relationship with Pepper is something I will write about but for now just remember that his last words were “Hey Peps” and how he smiled right before dying when she assured him they were going to be fine. I was absolutely depressed when he died but him killing Thanos was the only ending I could imagine. RDJ started the MCU with Iron Man and he ended its biggest phase as well. He was my favourite movie character and looking at my username I have watched a lot of films. It felt like saying goodbye to a piece of me. I love you 3000 Tony Stark and RDJ.

The Avengers gave me so much; they formed my childhood and I will always go back to them for solace. It’s not just fiction, the culmination of 22 films and 11 years were a better part of my life and it provided me comfort in ways I could not imagine.

[fallingin-like]

november 23

the real folk blues by @annawrites [requested by @allforthebee]

see which other fics i’m reviewing this month! / my review request post!

this absolutely amazing and captivating fic that has the foxes as space bounty hunters and neil who is, as usual, and exceptionally skilled runaway. set away some time to read this fic as soon as possible, because once you start, you won’t be able to put it down until you finish.

this is such an entertaining, fun fic and you did an amazing job at balancing the softer moments with intense, action-packed scenes. at all times i was fully immersed in the story, you handled everything so well. i’m always a fan of your writing, so it’s not a surprised that i had a wonderful experience rereading this.

bits that stood out to me:

”counting stars has become a habit, something to subdue the memories” ah this is really cute and i can totally imagine canon andrew, lying on the roof of some building counting stars instead of trying to sleep

”renee cracks a chicken bone smile in the corner of her mouth” i have never heard this phrase before but i love it!

”there’s a collective intake of breath - andrew, who remembers every single bounty ever placed, can’t remember it ever being this big” for some reason, i love when this kind of thing happens. it feels so cool, knowing someone wants that character that bad and gets me excited for what kind of skills the hunted person has, to be able to evade the people looking for them (reminds me of john wick lol)

”nathaniel wesninski alias neil josten is a hacker, con artist, engineer and pilot” BLESS HIM FOR BEING SO CAPABLE AND SKILLED

matt’s infamous bell peppers and beef with no beef!!! that’s funny and i think about it surprisingly often

”renee pulls up a few more photographs of neil wesninski on the hologram screen. she deals them out like cards until they fan out in a neat timeline of faded hoodies and various iterations of the same polished smile, a mouth sharpened to cutting perfection… the eyes, in contrast, look consistently hunted” holograms and just this space tech is SO cool. i love seeing how the foxes view neil before they meet him. it’s interesting how many sightings they have of him, but also how blank he seems, when we all know that there’s so much personality under that surface

”the ISSP are a bunch of corrupt, incompetent idiots” LOL

”’tone down the optimism, day,’ andrew drawls. ‘we might start overestimating our chances’” agh i love your characterization of all of these characters and this is a great example of why! and i like that you used drawls, it feels very andrew-like

”andrew waggles his fingers lazily in the air” yeah this is andrew

woah i have never seen the art for this fic (i guess because i have the fic downloaded and i just read that version instead of going on ao3, the pictures must not have downloaded) but it’s great!

gasp, i love the idea of the foxes Dressed Up

ALLISON BEING BANNED FROM PLAYING!! “her former alias - lady luck, also known as poker alice” oh this is great. for some reason, them having reputations like this really excites me

”it’s in my blind spot” ANDREW this is so funny

ahhhh i can’t believE you added the “better luck next time” line in!!

okay so the whole action part of this scene is so intense, love andrew throwing the poker chip as a diversion, and neil pretending to give up for a moment before ACTIVATING HIS ARMED SHIP AND SHOOTING EVERYONE. ugh, hearing about neil being so good at what he does (steering, hacking, while taking off his jacket) makes me love this scene so much

”vowels rolling like a pair of dice” this is so good on its own, but paired with the casino scene that precedes it? stunning

”kevin values his ship, and his life, in that order.” i can imagine. i wonder, is there competitive racing in this au? i can imagine kevin being obsessed with that

thank goodness riko is dead, one less thing (on a list of many things) to worry about. whoop and i see that easthaven has passed, good.

KEVIN DAY WITH A METAL ARM AND A TRANSMITTER PLATE THAT COVERS HIS TATTOO YEAH

oh dang limb regrowth tech in this au? wild

”’minyard and the monster, how lovely to see you again.’ neil greets him through the once more hijacked comm. they’ve been playing this game for weeks now, racing each other across the milky way like starved lovers. even allison is starting to run out of lewd jokes” i find it so interesting hearing about this relationship that’s being built between them even though they basically never meet in person, the joking from neil’s side

these hints of andrew’s eye mods are really great, i definitely didn’t notice them as much as i should have when i first read this fic, but every time after that, i appreciate little details like these more and more

RENEE WITH A KATANA YES PLEASE

”andrew shakes off the last dregs of sunday sleepiness that cling to his lips like the skin on warm milk. neil wesninski might have become a game by now, but the malcolms still mean business” ohhh boy, even knowing what comes next i get nervous hearing this. i love the contrast between the softness of what sundays mean with the conflict to come, especially when you jump right into the action

”renee pants, her voice cool and slippery like broken tiles amid the crackle of static” oh i love this description

LOL i can’t believe that andrew got matt’s dessert rations and gets to invite neil to be a part of their crew

”missions are slow and neil’s face keeps showing up on big shot, though not for lack of people trying to hunt him down.” i don’t know why but i really like this!! you go, neil!

oh oh thank you so much for the way that you describe neil alone on his ship, his hoodies, gloves, “one sad-looking sock”, “the one sock he’s wearing has holes”, talking to himself, “yet he’s still inexplicably trying to shield his robots from andrew’s gun” so cute!

”eyes like the gleaming insides of a wire in the dark” this!!!!

the! cats! neil made his robots cats!!

NEIL HACKING INTO THEIR COMMS I LOVE HIM

”neil is like a live fish under his hands, constantly wriggling and sliding out of his grip, fingers twitching back toward his abandoned project like flies caught in a spiderweb” ahh squirmy neil is super cute, “neil shivers under the touch like he’s not used to being touched at all” this doesn’t surprise me. even if i didn’t have an idea of what his childhood might have been like (with mary and nathan, i imagine there was not very much affection), he’s probably been alone for so long, when would the last time someone would have touched him? i don’t think i would be able to handle it

ahh barefoot neil is always cute

SCARS no matter how many fics i read, i always love moments when neil’s scars are revealed

NEIL RUNNING LAPS IN HIS TINY SHORTS AROUND AND AROUND AHH

”neil slinks into the room late, looking tousled and a little sticky around the edges like he’s just woken up from a nap. he freezes when he sees andrew, stuck standing right in the middle of the projection, and only moves when dan throws a cushion at him” your writing actually paints scenes in my head which for me, a person really bad at visualizing things, is really impressive. it makes the experiences of reading exponentially more interesting, and doesn’t happen that often.

renee as praying mantis!! what a perfect nickname. is she religious in this au as well? i can’t remember if any religions even exist in this au (whoops i know nothing about cowboy bebop)

”she looks stiff and faded like old newspaper in the light of the kitchen lamps” what a gem of a sentence

me: sees the nickname gorilla and gets excited because i know some action is going to go down

”the three of them would just  about reach his head if renee sat on andrew’s shoulders and lifted neil up” THIS IS AMAZING. i mean, andrew and neil are tiny but they are not that tiny

”andrew begins tonelessly, tracing patterns into neil’s skin” if we ignore the fact that andrew is telling a terrible terrible story, this is so soft

”his breathing is viscous now, like syrup in his lungs. his left eye aches and the corner of his mouth twitches painfully into the ghost of a manic grin. he bites his tongue and it tastes like the word please” i am speechless but i really wanted to acknowledge this sentences lakjsdf

NEIL WINNING THE BET ABOUT BEING ABLE TO STEAL THINGS FROM THE VENDOR AND ROBBING THE MAN JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING. uGH you do such a good job of integrating humour like this into your story and having it fit the tone and pacing of the fic effortlessly.

excuse me how is it possible that you followed such a lighthearted scene with something so devastating as andrew explaining his past to allison and neil and have it still flow??? “because… i did not mean for you to get hurt” ANDREW YOU’RE SO GOOD

”he’s smoking outside and watching the dusk unfurl like an exotic flower when there’s a crash inside the store” this description is so gorgeous

what in the world, andrew i don’t even know how to describe you. he really just helps catch the robbers with his headphones on while choosing things to buy, killing a dude, then checking out, no big deal???? i understand neil’s attraction to him a little bit more now…

andrew and renee sharing clothes is now canon, please and thank you

oh no, lola is Bad News, especially when it comes to threatening neil’s family

NEIL PACKING ANDREW’S LEATHER JACKET AHH

”the bebop crew are basically overgrown children and react very well to the little sugary rewards for good behaviour” yeah this is very true haha

”’your blatant flirting woke me up,’ matt grins weakly. ‘can i have a lollipop too, neil?” i remember this whole scene so well, the second the infirmary was mentioned i knew it was lollipop time. matt, is basically how i feel right now HAH

woah wymack taking care of bonsai trees? i didn’t know i needed that in my life so badly. just like neil and the twins, so tiny :’)

uhm so, the tape that nicky sent to andrew? it’s actually making me cry (which is super rare for fics) “i hope you know that i love you”, “things aren’t so easy at the moment, and maybe they still aren’t easy for you watching this ten years from now, but i’ll always be there for you, and for aaron, too. i hope that one day we can be a family. happy birthday, my little piyoko, don’t eat all the cake by yourself!” i love this so much, and it makes me so sad and happy. this nicky is so good, and as much as i think andrew needed to see this, i think that i needed to read this more. thank you

nicky calling the twins his little piyokos, his lucky birds ;-;

the reunion scenes are so good, i really don’t think i can write anything that sufficiently describes how i feel. the way that nicky acts, the new relatives, older aaron, it all feels so right, so real.

andrea minyard deserves her own bullet point

neil just goes and makes all the police ships crash by controlling them remotely just for andrew to be hit by a moon rock?!?!?

”something irritatingly warm rises and swells inside andrew like yeast dough and he plunges his fists into it and kneads it into submission, twists it until all that remains is sticky, frothy anger” and “andrew sits down on a crate and prods at the yeasty mass still fermenting in his insides. the sudden bloating of anger has subsided to the usual starchy nothingness, but there’s a sugary residue of unease that he doesn’t want to examine any further right now” as much as i adore your jokes and beautiful descriptions of scenes, sentences like these ones that blow me away completely are why you’re one of my favourite fanfic authors. these are the kinds of sentences that i carry with me even after i am finished reading

”i can’t decide if you two are more like toddlers or like an old married couple… either way, it’s really bizarre to see andrew having feelings other than hate and destruction” LOL

thea is the coolest person ever

”kevin makes a noise like a dying dog” me too, kevin

NONONONONO ICHIROU AND JEAN AND EASTHAVEN

thank goodness neil is here

apparently i am very fond of the words “juice pack” and think it is cute. why? i also do not know

huh, riko naming his identity kevin king?? feels… not good

oh boy, lola is back

ANDREW CAN PICK OPEN HIS HANDCUFFS THANK YOU FOR THIS

is it bad if i am happy that all these people are dying (proust, lola, etc.)

NEIL AMPUTATES NATHAN’S HAND WITH A CLEAVER WHILE HE’S HOLDING A CLEAVER AND THEN KILLS HIM LDKSJFLK

oh dang, it’s stuart (i trust him)

andrew’s eye! thank goodness, because although it kind of sucks, it also Really Does Not Suck

”it’s stiff and awkward and neil quickly wriggles out of it. kevin must be really shaken up, because he tries andrew next. andrew waits passively until he’s close and then steps to the side at the last moment, smothering his amusement in a cough when kevin walks straight into the wall with open arms. serves him right for thinking even for a second that andrew would let him” LOL i love you, anna, so so much

money!! woohoooooo (or should i say woolonghooo okay sorry that’s like the world’s worst pun)

BELL PEPPERS AND BEEF WITH ACTUAL BEEF AND NO PEPPERS YES! what a great way to bring things full circle, even though it’s small

sweet dumplings filled with fruit? i am intrigued

THE SHIRT

i can’t not acknowledge the bit with the key, neil is too clever for his own good

we finally get to see bee! ugh i love the relationship between bee and andrew

”they may be marks of destruction, but they are still andrew’s; still proof of his existence” yeah (like a good yeah)

interesting about andrew’s memory not being as good without his left eye. does he have eidetic memory in this au? maybe it’s better if he doesn’t

i remember the first time i read this fic, in startling detail. this fic was so good then, and it has been just as good, if not better, every time i have reread it

it’s kind of embarrassing, but one of the things that i remember distinctly (among a lot of other things) is the noodles! reading this fic never fails to make me want to eat instant noodles

so one thing about me is that i am actually really bad at visualizing things. when i read stories, i can never imagine what a character looks like, i just see the feature that is being highlighted at the moment, and the second that sentence ends, that image is gone. like i just have a magnifying glass to someone’s face but i can’t piece together the parts. it makes it so that i often struggle with the visualization of stories. but something about your writing makes it easy for me to pictures scenes happening. everything is so vivid, and real (hence, the instant noodle cravings lol) and i love that so much. it’s so special.

the flow of this fic is amazing, the characterization is incredibly authentic and really helps with carrying the plot. you integrated lighthearted scenes with pure angst and awful things (easthaven) and i’m honestly curious as to the cowboy bebop episodes you took inspiration from. this fic was so well written, you are so skilled at introducing characters, locations, plot points, although i’m not familiar with this universe i wasn’t confused at any point. you explained everything without me noticing. this was just a breathtaking fic. thank you so much for writing this!!

[mythiica]

Reader x Gavin - A Night Full of Surprises

Title: A Night Full of Surprises

Fandom: Mr. Love Queen’s Choice

Character: Gavin

Genre: okay hear me out it starts off as crack but i swear the smut part is legit kinky so dont close the tab

Warnings: hONhoNhon

Kinks: lingerie (heavy emphasis on undressing), sensual sex, sucking/licking/biting, first time sex, ??? idk its pretty vanilla, 👏 we 👏 practice 👏 safe 👏 sex 👏 in 👏 this 👏 fic 👏 (condom)

Intended Gender Audience: Female Audience 

Word Count: 2499 words

POV: second person

Requested by: anon(s)

Prompt(s): 

Other comments: okay so im evil, anon did not specify the lingerie, so this is the lingerie mc is wearing - enjoy!!! thank you to @ikesenrambles​ and @breadcheese444​ for helping me out with the beta reading! Also, thank you to @gracelesslamb​ for the idea that MC picks the wrong superhero... you’ll see what I mean ;) 

It is mandatory movie night with Gavin, and this time, it is your turn to select the film for the evening. Gavin is popping popcorn in the kitchen as you flip through the titles. Nothing in particular catches your eye, so when Gavin calls from the kitchen, you get up and join him instead of screaming across the room. 

         He slides you two beer bottles from the other side of the counter as he goes to retrieve the snacks from the microwave. “Did you find anything?” 

         Dejectedly, you mumble back, “There’s nothing good.”

         Gavin pours the small clouds into a large bowl. “What about that one romantic comedy that just came out?” 

         Raising an eyebrow, you take the metal caps off of the beers. “You want to watch a romantic comedy? Did I just hear that right?” 

         He laughs sarcastically at you. “I don’t mind what we watch, as long as you’re sitting next to me.” 

         Turning your head down, you blush at the words, but Gavin nudges you with his hip as he makes his way to the living room. “C’mon now, let’s look for it.” 

Back on the couch, you cuddle up in the crook of Gavin’s arm and search for the movie that he mentioned. It sounds promising, but then again, you cannot say for sure. Nonetheless, you opt for this rather than the horror movie Gavin suggested. 

         However, you really should have gone for the horror. This “comedy” is worse than anything you have ever seen before, and you wonder if the two of you should just call it a night. However, when you get up to stretch, Gavin catches your hand and pulls you back down. 

         It all happens pretty quickly – one moment he is sitting on the couch with your head pressing against his shoulder, and the next, you find yourself straddling his lap as his lips trail down your exposed neck. It does not help that you are wearing one of his button down shirts, and the fabric hangs loosely over your shoulders. This gives Gavin the perfect opportunity to kiss your skin as your fingers tangle in his hair. 

         Really, it must have been the last minute decision to have two beers that caused the shift in his aura. The movie was terribly slow, and even you were wondering when something interesting would happen. This, though much different from what you expected, definitely counts as interesting. 

         Breathlessly, you tip your head back and release a soft moan. Gavin looks up and swallows nervously. Your skirt had risen up your legs, exposing the flawless skin of your thighs. He would be lying if he said that he wasn’t intrigued by the sight. 

         The moment of hesitation is enough to make Gavin remove his hands from your waist. He brushes his thumb over his lip to wipe away the gloss that had transferred from your lips. “Sorry,” Gavin chuckles light-heartedly. A blush spreads across his cheeks as he rubs the back of his neck as he struggles to gather words for an explanation. 

         Your heart is still pounding from the spur-of-the-moment kiss. The warmth of his lips lingers on yours, and all you want is to feel it again. 

         As Gavin opens his mouth to continue his thoughts, you cut him off with a swift kiss. When you lean back, you smirk slightly. “Do you want to go further?” Your voice is soft, barely above a whisper – this would be the first time that the two of you progress past playful teasing. Still, you feel ready for it, and if he is as well, you want to continue. 

         His hands fall on your thighs, but now, he grips you tightly and hoists you up. Confirmation is written all over his expression, and Gavin tries to contain his smile. 

         The two of you stumble to his bedroom, pulling at each other’s clothes before you fall onto the bed. Your hair fans out around your head, and your legs fall open, inviting Gavin to sit atop you and work at the remaining buttons of the shirt you are wearing. 

         The fabric falls open, exposing your undergarments – Gavin freezes for a split second, and raises an eyebrow. 

         You glance down and nearly scream, realizing why he had paused. 

         “Batman lingerie?” Gavin tries to stifle his laughter as he traces the stitching of the black and yellow corset.

         Covering your face, you whine. “I got it as a practical joke because I thought you would like it!” 

         He pulls the waistband of your skirt back – of course, the outfit would be incomplete without matching underwear. “Superman is the superior hero, but actually…” Gavin is trying to lighten the mood, but you are still embarrassed. “I don’t mind Batman like this.” 

         To be honest, you had completely forgotten that you were wearing it, and of all days as well. Still though, you kick off your skirt, having already been exposed for the underwear as well. 

         Gavin leans over you and kisses your hands, coaxing you to move them away. “Don’t be shy. They won’t stay on you long…” 

         You peek through your fingers, and are surprised to see that his demeanor has not changed in the slightest. Gavin waits for your consent, so you throw your hands around his neck and whisper into his ear, “I’m a virgin…” His muscles tense against you as he hears your words. “Can you fix that?” 

         He inhales sharply to collect himself, and then plants kisses along your jaw. Gavin follows the  contour of the bone until he reaches your chin where he tips his head down to nip at your pulse. “Gladly,” he replies, his voice suddenly deeper than before. It catches you off guard and sends goosebumps rippling down your arms. 

         You squirm slightly under him as Gavin sits up. Seeing the corset again, a smirk takes hold of his lips. Again, he dips his head to meet the supple skin of your breasts that fall out from the edge of the cups. Bracing yourself up with your arms, you watch Gavin take hold of the zipper between his teeth and pull it down slowly, all the while keeping his gaze locked with yours. Really, you never imagined that Gavin could act like this, especially considering the fact that you were both equally inexperienced. After passing the curve of your breasts, he leans back again and opens the rest by pulling sharply with his fingers. 

         The corset panels open like doors, and your breasts slip outwards, finally released from the pressure of the fitted form. Quick to react, Gavin takes a handful of your breast and paws at it, watching your reaction. Unaccustomed to the sensation, you inhale deeply and twist your hips around. 

         Still looking at you, Gavin drags his tongue over your free nipple before sucking on you sharply. His eyes flutter closed as he works your breast with his mouth and the other one with a hand. He has a gentle touch, but pays close attention to the things that make your heart leap out of your chest. Once your nipples go numb, he pulls back and simultaneously pinches on them. 

         “G-Gavin!” you squeal, reaching to cover your breasts. They sting momentarily, making Gavin smirk. He gives you that irresistible look – his fingers rake through his already sweaty hair, he bites his bottom lip slowly, and his eyelids fall slightly to give you his best bedroom stare. Honestly, you can feel yourself getting wet from the look alone, and you let your legs fall over the edge of the bed. 

         “You want me to keep going?” he asks, his voice low and sultry. Gavin very well knows what your answer will be – it is obvious from the growing stain in the underwear, but he wants to hear you say it. 

         “Please, Gavin–”

         He lifts your leg effortlessly and continues to trail kisses over your stomach and then down your thighs. Gavin only stops once he reaches your ankle and once he does, he pushes you up on the bed. Your back presses against the headboard, and in a swift motion, Gavin pulls off the corset and your underwear off. They go flying through the air, but you do not see where they land because Gavin crashes his lips against yours once more. 

         As his fingers dig into your sides, you fumble with the waistband of his boxer briefs until you manage to pull them down. He’s still kissing you though – his hands are clasped over your cheeks, trapping your lips against his. The beer you shared from earlier is heavy on his breath, peppering your tastebuds with the subtle sharpness of the alcohol. Gavin is completely and utterly intoxicating – and it is not just from the lingering liquor. 

         When Gavin is fully undressed, he tangles his fingers in your hair and reaches for the drawer of his night stand with a lazy hand. From the corner of your eye, you can see the illustrious glint of gold packaging – a condom. 

         Despite having your limbs tangled with his, Gavin tears open the package and begins to roll it onto himself. You watch and inhale sharply, realizing that this (besides that one instance when you accidentally saw him changing) would be the first time you see him completely naked. Your legs are open, inviting him forward, but you reach out and run your fingers against his member. Lubricant from the condom sticks to your fingers as you touch him, and he lets out a breathy moan when you wrap your fingers around his base. 

         This is surreal really – he reacts to every subtle flick your fingers make as you pump him. His head is tipped down, almost as if he is relishing in the show. Swallowing hard, you lean back, returning to your position against the headboard, and spread your legs open once more. With your fingers slick from the condom, you rub yourself while keeping eye contact with Gavin. 

         His pupils dilate and he grips your ankle, pulling you forward so that your cunt meets his cock. Rocking your hips back, you throw your arms around Gavin’s neck and pull his head down to whisper into his ear. “I’m ready.”

         Gavin nods and inserts slowly, giving you ample time to adjust to the sensation of being filled. It is completely different than the moments you had indulged in some self care – Gavin is not plastic, and you can feel the warmth of his member inside of you as he stretches your walls. His thrusts are steady, and rock the bed back and forth. It creaks beneath your combined weights, but you don’t care to pay it much attention. 

         He braces himself on the headboard with one hand while the other fondles your breast. It does not take long before you can hear the unmistakable squelching sound of his length entering into you over and over.

         As you drag your nails down his muscular back, Gavin begins to thrust faster – his hips clashing with yours after every fluid motion. It’s like elastic, despite the fact that his movements are unsure. He has never done anything like this, but Gavin is more than pleased with how your walls pulsate around his cock. 

         When he buries his nose into the crook of your neck, Gavin sinks his teeth into the skin of your neck, successfully giving you a hickey. 

         “Gavin! Ahh–” you moan, whipping your head to the side. “You’re going to leave a mark.” 

         But he only smirks and tucks your hair behind your ear. “It looks good on you.” 

         You flush at his words and want to protest, but Gavin tips his hips upwards the slightest bit, leading him to hit the spot that makes you see stars. This sends you spiraling into bliss as the knot in your abdomen tightens sharply. 

         This time, Gavin nips your collarbone. He makes it his personal mission to find the spot that makes you yelp with pleasure. Your reactions fuel him to go faster – in fact, maybe you are a little more responsive than he was expecting. The way you squirm around under his body reminds him of something he once saw in a porn film. And when moans drip from your bruised lips, Gavin cannot contain himself. 

         His slender fingers strum over your throat, and he presses soft kisses to your pulse. Gavin rubs his cock against your folds, sending sharp pulses through your clit. 

         You try to bite back the moans in your throat, but Gavin quickly learned how to coax them from you. Tilting your head back, you release a powerful cry. “G–Gavin, I swear, I’m going to cum–” you whimper against his glistening skin. 

         A low grunt rumbles in his chest. “Then cum. I want to feel you.” 

         You are surprised to hear those words come from his lips, but then again, the night was full of surprises. Once again, you tangle your fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck. Gavin lifts your leg over his hip and delivers his most powerful thrusts yet. Each one buries you into the mattress of the bed and makes you sing out your praises. 

         Gavin’s lips find yours, and the next moment, his tongue is in your mouth. He no longer tastes like alcohol, but you love it just the same. Without warning though, the knot in your abdomen bursts, making you arch your back and press yourself close to Gavin. His hand tucks around you to hold you close, and with a few more thrusts, you ride out your climax and he reaches his own. 

         Despite using the condom, a new type of warmth fills your insides, and your legs start to tremble from being overstimulated. Gavin sets you down against the bed and sits back on his heels. He pulls out, but then waits to catch his breath before he removes the condom. 

         You are still in a daze, so you don’t see him toss it into the bin in the corner of his room. Gavin returns quickly and hoists your body carefully as to tuck you under the covers. He holds you tightly, and your ear presses against his pec, allowing you to hear the thundering beat of his heart. 

         No words are exchanged at this point, but you do not mind. It is enough to listen to the steady rhythm of his breathing as it synchronizes with yours. You grip his bicep and pull yourself up just enough so that you can kiss Gavin in thanks. 

         “Was it good?” he inquires, the corner of his mouth curling into a grin.

         “What do you think?”

         Gavin nods happily and peckers your face with kisses. He settles against you and closes his eyes, so you nuzzle against his chest and catch a glimpse of the black and yellow lingerie in the corner of the room. 

         Gavin was right – they didn’t last long anyways. 

[happinessinthedarkest-times]

avengers endgame reaction (spoilers!!!)

**if youre on mobile scroll fast bc idk if the keep reading works

holy shit holy shit fuck fuck fuck

i am an emotional wreak right now

ahhhhh it was so good im crying still

tony fucking stark my heart i guess ill start there 

tony stark i love you three thousand. he got his happy ending with morgan and pepper for 5 years they had 5 years together and he knew that the time heist (lol) would jeopardize that and he still went and helped

that scene where he had it out with steve at the beginning fuck my heart was breaking and i was crying .

i cried a lot in this movie. legit sobbing when nat died but ill get to that

that scene was everything i wanted it to be and perfectly executed. of course hes angry and lashing out because they were supposed to do it together and lose together and the emotion behind that ughh rdj killed it

he literally hands steve his heart the arch reactor

tony and howard ugh everything with them together. tony got closure with his dad 

everything tony was great. 

steve 

he got his happy ending. he got his dance with peggy (now im crying again) fuck. and he PICK UP MJOLNIR omg that scene was amazing and everything i never dreamed could happen when the hammer started moving ughhhh omg i was cheering so loud in the theatre and i dont normally do that. that whole scene ugh theres so much to react to

and he got to say assemble. 

ok now from the beginning. 

i started to cry literally before it even started. the screen was black and i was already tearing up but when clint and his daughter came up and then his family disappeared i was full on crying.

carol coming in clutch and saving tony and nebula yessss

steve and tony’s conversation right when he gets off the ship was everything i wanted it to be. (crying again) everything. 

when they go to thanos’s house thing and thor chops off his arm . its what ive been saying they shouldve done on titan 

and then he went for the head! 

five....... 

years later

fuck them. literally when the ‘five’ came up i was like no no no dont you dare do it dont you dare and then they did it. fuck them

five fucking years?!?! they made them live through 5 years of that trauma?!?!? 

nat was everything in this film. she became the leader and keeping track of everything and her moment of breaking down was just so human. she couldnt move on in those 5 years and it just shows how much the avengers had become her family. 

scott and cassie omg cassie all grown up made me so emotional 

tony and morgan i love you three thousand she is the cutest and sweetest thing 

tony fucking stark figured out time travel. he did that. 

when tony gives steve his shield back my heart could not take it

the scenes where they were trying to pinpoint the exact time to go back and it was like a sleepover sesh and all the domestic avenger fanfics 

going back a little bit

clint killing all the people that should have been killed and deserved to be killed and being a total badass showing up all those people who said he was just really good with an arrow and every scene he has with nat.

‘dont give me hope’

thor. oh where to start. he really did lose everything and he was blaming himself for all that happened so i get where hes coming from. every time you could see him remembering and tormenting himself about what happened broke me. his scene with his mother (crying again)

also hulk/bruce was an interesting choice (not a huge fan of it but ok) 

the time traveling

everything about the new york scenes were amazing. the aftermath of the end of the avengers, loki turning into cap for a second, seeing rumlow and sitwell come out, steve getting into the elevator and channeling that winter soldier energy (i was slapping my sister on the arm so hard at this part) hail hydra and outsmarting them all. cap fighting cap “i can do this all day” lmao i was dying ‘bucky is alive” again dying they really nailed it with this. i was worried beforehand because like it would change how we would see the og avengers but i still think it works

also can talk about how tony (and scott) was checking out steves ass????

“i forgot how that suit did nothing for you ass” (be still my heart) “i like to think of it at america’s ass” (or whatever the line was) 

loki getting away with the tesseract (is that in this timeline im confused about that hopefully someone will explain bc does that mean loki is alive in this timeline or not? lol)

them going back to the 1970s (do you trust me? i do) and tony meeting howard and introducing himself as howard potts. again i know i talked about howard and tony already but i loved their scenes. and JARVIS FROM AGENT CARTER MAKING AN APPEARANCE OMG

PEGGYYYYYYY (crying) when steve walked into her office (grabbed my sister again) and when he was watching her through the window and you could feel his pain. 

thor and rocket are the pairing that i never imagined but amazing none the less. i loved that we got the return of mjolnir here even though idk what that does to the timeline (again who knows at this point) 

rhodey and nebula again another pairing i didnt expect but are great together. everything about nebula in this film. she really has a great arch. i was stressing out so hard when the alternate timeline thanos found out that they came from the past. the scene where peter quill is dancing and singing to no music was great.

clint and natasha. this pairing thie duo the og. fuck my heart. when they started going off to vormir i knew. i knew it and i cannot handle it. the whole scene where they are fighting each other to sacrifice themself i was SOBBING. LEGIT SOBBING. ‘let me go’ i loved this so much and also hated it. she deserved her happy ending too. after everything she gave up everything to save those people. her arch is so good too. im excited for her origin. i kinda want to see her when shes a bad guy and killing everyone and her journey to shield. i hope thats what we’ll see in her movie. 

but also that scene emotionally fucked me up hard. 

the og avengers (minus nat) sitting on the edge of the lake 

thor trying to put on the glove and redeem himself (in his own eyes not my own bc he doesnt deserve the shit he gets for not going for the head)

hulk doing it and the calm before the storm where everything goes back before that missile comes firing down. 

steve tony and thor facing off with thanos. everything about this scene. tony getting a juice-up from thor and lightning to max out his powers. steve jump kicking on thanos’s ass. thanos beating up thor and steve coming in with FUCKING MJOLNIR AGAIN CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW MUCH I WAS CHEERING AT THIS POINT HE IS WORTHY MY BOY STEVE IS WORTHY

also on that note tony coming up to steve and saying “theres my man” or something and giving him back his shield again. 

steve standing there with his broken shield ready to face off with thanos’s army and sam coming in on the comm. and then EVERYONE COMING THRU AND KICKING NAMES AND TAKING ASS

legit cheering and crying so much 

valkyrie with her pegasus

shuri with her blasters 

peter parker and his reunion with tony was heartbreaking. tony looked so broken and complete at the same time. he got him back. 

PEPPER FREAKING POTTS 

AVENGERS ASSEMBLE (YEESSSSSSSS)

peter quill’s semi-reunion with gamora and how she doesnt know him but he gets her back

also gamora, nebula and still-evil!nebula was a great scene. nebula killing her past self is some symbolic shit right there AND to protect her sister who she hated

CAROL FUCKING DANVERS COMING TO SAVE THE DAY AND KICK THANOS’S ASS 

im sad that she wasn’t in the film as much but i get why they did it and it also makes me really excited for her future films

but carol getting the gauntlet and peter saying “i dont know how youre gonna get through that” 

and ALL THE BADASS MCU WOMEN COMING UP BEHIND HER READY TO FIGHT AND REPRESENT FOR THE FEMALES (CRYING) 

this is something that couldn’t of been done a few years ago because there weren’t a lot of female superheroes in this universe and just the fact that this scene can make such an impression and become probably one of the most badass scenes of the mcu is one of the best things that came out of this movie.

side note: ‘activate instant kill’ great callback 

and then we get to the sacrifice.

i knew it. i expected it. i read it in fanfics.

i was still not prepared. 

‘I am inevitable’

‘I AM IRON MAN’

FUCKKKKKKKK they really know how to write these movies. 

he knew he would die. he knew he would never see morgan again. but he knew what he had to do. 

his character arch from a selfish man to a selfless man has been the most profound and powerful story. 

rdj and tony stark have really carried this franchise. they were the start. and it makes sense that his death closes out this era of the mcu. 

to rdj: i will never forgive my mom for telling me that she didn’t like you way back when. that really influenced how i thought about you and about tony stark for years. and i limited me from really appreciating and loving iron man and those movies and tony’s character. but as i continued to watch more of you in the mcu and in real life and have seen how you have grown and who you are today, i have so much love and respect for you and your character. im just so upset at the time i lost where i could have fallen even more in love with you. thank you so much for everything you have done over the last 11 years for this franchise. thank you for the time thank you for the memories and the laughs. the journey has been amazing. 

the funeral scene with ‘proof that tony stark has a heart’ 

(also was the the kid from iron man 3 in the back?)

VALKYRIE BECOMING KING (queen? i say king but who knows) of new asgard. look at my killing baby all grown up and being the leader they need.

thor becoming a guardian basically. 

also was quill looking for his gamora? where was the gamora from this timeline on the ship? she wasn’t there in the scene so idk

also fighting with knives to see whos in charge lol

im glad people mentioned/mourned for nat too 

steve rogers 

steve.

i knew he wasn’t coming back.

bucky knew it too.

im wreaked

but at least he got his happy ending. he got his peggy (again idk what that does to her timeline) 

captain sam wilson america in the house.

(old steve looks like joe biden or is it just me lol)

they ended it with a steggy dance and kiss

it really was a perfect end to his story and it wrapped up his character really well. he got that life he deserved 

to chris evans: as this is probably the last time we will see you as captain america let me thank you too for the years and joy that you have brought to my life. youre it for me. you are the reason i became so invested in this world. when you jumped on the fake grenade i was in it with you. chris you are and will always be the best chris in my heart. your passion for this character and understanding of steve rogers and his motivations have created such a memorable performance. steve rogers will always be the og. he will always have my heart. i am so thankful that you took this opportunity and used it and made this character your own. you live up to the standards that steve holds for himself and i am so excited for your future. i am also so glad that you didn’t die in this movie bc i definitely could not have handled it if i had to watch both my favs die. i love you three thousand.

i literally cried throughout the whole movie. there were laughs, cheers, groans, stress, tears, and love throughout this film. i am so grateful that i am alive during this time in cinematic history. there will never be something as great or momentous as this film. a true culmination of 22 films. its never been done and i doubt itll ever be done again

i am also so impressed and amazed by how well this film turned out. it is just amazing how everything fell into place 

im sure ill read other people’s reactions and they will bring up points or problematic things that will taint my view on this movie but i dont want that to ruin my own experience

and for me, this was truly emotionally draining and fulfilling. the feeling of being in that theatre with all those people who love the characters as much as i do and experiencing this film for the first time is something i will never forget. 

people talk about how they remember lining up for star wars.

well i remember sobbing my eyes out when nat died, cheering along with everyone when cap picked up mjolnir and whipped thanos’s ass with it and when carol and the rest of the badass women of the mcu ready to kick ass, crying with everyone as the light went out in tony’s chest and eyes, watching as history was made in front of our eyes.

and the end credits with the og avengers getting recognition with their photos and autographs. 

i love this franchise and these films and these characters i dont know who i would be without them. 

one last thing

thank you to the og avengers. steve tony thor nat clint bruce. chris robert chris scarlett jeremy mark. you will always have a special place in my heart. you were there at the start. you were the reason this all could happen you were the reason i became so invested in these movies. you brought these characters to life and embodied them. you are all so much like your characters the casting is perfect. thank you for your dedication to your work to you fans and to your characters. it means so much that you all stuck through this together and that you are such great friends in real life and i can only hope that one day i can be so lucky as to meet you all and thank you in person. 

[the-caleb-landry-jones-blog]

For your weekend pleasure, it just came to my mind to reblog this fanfiction story that was submitted to us last year! For those who haven´t read it yet: enjoy!! For those who write: we want more!! 

Nightswimming

It was a burning hot August afternoon in L.A., the sun twinkling on the heated tarmac of Sunset Boulevard. I had been in town for almost a week now, and attending business meetings and visiting sites over the last five days had worn me out. Thank god, I could board my plane tomorrow and go home!

I had virtually done no sightseeing during my business trip this time, but I had been to L.A. before and knew the city a little. On my last afternoon, I wanted to finally do some shopping. Some vintage records maybe at Amoeba Music? I had to take a look and strolled through the door, feeling the coolness of the AC on my sweaty skin, my eyes, coming from the bright sunlight outside, only slowly adjusting to the dimmed lights in the shop.

I slowly strolled through the aisles, casually pulling out a record here and there to take a closer look, when a group of guys struck me, one of them catching my eye immediately. Now that couldn´t be, could it? But I was pretty sure it was Caleb standing there with a group of friends, discussing some old Bob Dylan record. His hair was longer now, put into an unkempt men bun, some red strands tucked behind his ear, his grey shirt too big and worn out.

I felt like someone hit me on the head. Hard. What was I supposed to do? Stand there and stare? Approach him? Talk to him? No, I couldn´t do that… Otherwise: people say he´s nice to fans… Now or never I thought, and the likeliness that I would hate myself for the rest of my life if I´d let this change pass suddenly seemed to weight heavier than my fear.

Before I could have second thoughts, I felt my shaky legs walking straight over to him. What was I supposed to say? I wasn´t prepared, not the slightest! So, I was surprised when I heard myself talk with a somewhat unfamiliar, trembling voice:

“Hey! Sorry to interrupt… Ahm… You are Caleb Landry Jones, right? I ahm, I wanted to say something clever, but it´s totally gone now, so…” - I laughed nervously.

“I, I guess that I only wanted to say, ahm, how much I admire your work, your ability to totally dissolve in your characters…It´s soo amazing!” - Oh dear, was this the best I could come up with? I felt my face turn red and hot with embarrassment. How could I just have done that?? What kind of idiot says something like that?? Stupid, stupid… But to my surprise, he looked a little embarrassed himself, his eyes pinned on the floor, a slight smile on his lips.

“Oh thank you, that´s very kind of you.” - He mumbled with an utter sobriety, his voice quiet and gentle. “So you like the Chili Peppers?”

“W - what?” - I stammered. How could he know? He nodded to the record I clenched in my hands, which I had totally forgotten.

“Oh, oh, yeah, love´ em” -  I managed to press out.

“The Uplift Mofo Party Plan, hmm? The only studio album to feature all four founding members.”  - he said, now his eyes firmly pinned on the colorful cover.

“It´s thirty years old by now, can you imagine?” - I replied. “I thought I use the chance to look for some vintage stuff while I´m in town.”

“Oh yeah, it´s a great place here”, he said, his eyes now moving over the shelves and finally locking mine. “So, where you´re from?”

“XXX.” - I answered. “I´m only here for a few days. Business trip…”

“What´s up Caleb, come on!” - a guy from his group yelled from behind, obviously, they were ready to leave the shop, but he didn´t react to it at all.

“So, wanna take a picture?” - he asked, and it somehow sounded “business”. That´s what all the girls ask him for. Those damn other girls flashed through my mind.

“Ah, nope, thanks! I´m not the selfie taker, really…” - I answered.

He gave me a surprised look, and I instantly regretted my answer. How impolite and gruffly this must have sounded! I must have completely lost my mind by now…

”Well, it´s not like, I mean…!” - I stammered -  “I just want this moment for myself, not showing around a picture of it later, bragging…It’s, it’s so very special to me…”

“Man, let´s go!” -  some other guy from his group yelled, and this time Caleb raised his arm to signalize them he´s coming.

“Ok, ahm, nice to meet you, so, enjoy the rest of your trip!” - he said and I could not quite read his face. Was he hurt by my response or bugged by his friends?

“Nice to meet you, too!” - I said hastily, cause he was already turned around halfway.

Oh, what a bummer, I was thinking by myself as he was walking away towards the exit. I turned around, too. How did I just manage to make such an utter, complete fool of myself?? I should´ve said nothing. Not approach him. Not stammer around this nonsense. When has this been a good idea? Never! I was caught up in these kinds of thoughts, when felt someone walk up behind me.

“Hey!”

I turned around. It was him again, and now he seemed somewhat sheepish.

“I was thinking… Tomorrow night some friends of mine play at the Whiskey-A-Go-Go and… Maybe you wanna come? They are quite decent…”

What the fuck was happening here? I was completely caught off guard. His eyes were again pinned fiercely on the floor in front of me.

“Sure, yeah!” - was all I could manage to say.

“Ok!” - that was all he replied before he turned around again and joined his friends, but he had a little grin on his face now, the one I love so much.

“What the hell did just happen?”, I thought. I must have stood still for minutes right in the middle of this busy record store, my sweaty finger still clenched around the old record, trying to process what just had happened. Did Caleb just invite me to a concert? Was he fucking around with me? Was I supposed to go to that club? My return flight was scheduled for tomorrow morning, so I couldn´t… I could re-schedule… That´s ridiculous…The thoughts shot through my head like crazy, and I think I never felt this agitated before.

The following night came and went, with zero sleep. I couldn´t take my mind off what happened, not even for a second. I needed to make a decision. “Act like a grown woman, board this fucking plane today”, a voice in my head screamed. “You are only making a fool of yourself! At best he was trying to be polite when inviting you, nothing more!” -  What was I expecting? Probably he had already forgotten about the whole encounter. Likely, even.

My plane would leave soon; I had to make a decision. I grabbed my phone and called the travel agency to re-schedule my flight to the afternoon of the following day, and then I wrote my boss a mail with outrageous explanations why I had to stay another day. I regretted it immediately, but it was too late now. So I would go to that damn club. I spent the rest of the day in my hotel room, thinking about this mess, thinking about what to wear, what to do… In the course of the last 24 hours, so it seemed to me, I had become a wretched, insecure teenager again, and I hated to feel this way. Like I was 15 again and my mum drives me to the concert of our school band, with whose drummer I was madly in love back then. The thought of it made me grin bitterly, as I sat in the taxi to the club, dressed as casually as possible with a shirt, jeans and sneakers. Don’t make a big thing of it!, I told myself.

The club on the corner of Sunset Blvd. and North Clark St. was already crowded when I made my way in. A band I didn´t know played Alternative Rock on the stage. It was dark, much too loud and I felt unbelievably cramped, yet so alone. I didn´t belong here, it was evident. Ok, get yourself a beer, stay a few minutes and then leave, if Caleb is even here, you´ll not gonna find him anyway… I thought, let go! You tried!. Somehow this felt consoling and I slowly made my way to the bar.

I must have waited there for some minutes when I felt an arm casually touching mine. My first reaction was to step back to let the person pass, but when I turn around, I saw it was Caleb standing close by my side. Holding a cup in his hand, he wore the same shirt as the day before, and his hair seemed even more tousled. Regardless he looked adorable.

“You came!”  - he said with a big, somewhat cocky smile.

He was definitely drunk or high or both. His speech seemed even more slurred than usual, and I realized it would be hella hard to understand him over the noise. But he seemed much more laid-back than the day before.

“Wanna drink something?” he asked.

I nodded and he seemed to ask something pointing at his cup, which I did not quite hear over the music. I nodded anyway, and he went off, only to come back a minute later with a second cup he handed to me.

“Thank you!” I tried to scream over the noise and he indicated at toast.

Jesus, I needed alcohol now! Lots of it! I drank a big swig, to find out it was an incredibly strong Jacky Cola, and I started to cough immediately. Caleb looked on with an amused, cocky smirk. It was senseless to hold a big conversation, except for shouting some vanities at each other, so for a while, we just stood next to each other and watched the show.

It was a strange feeling, but I started to relax a little. Maybe it was the booze I felt burning in my chest, that made me tipsy much too fast, especially since I couldn´t bring myself to eat anything since our encounter the day before. But maybe it was also him occasionally looking at me out of the corners of his eyes, smiling.

Suddenly a brunette girl flung her arms around his neck, greeting him effusively. Is that his girlfriend? My heart almost stopped for a moment. They exchanged some words I could not understand over the music, and seemed so familiar with each other. Again, I asked myself what the heck I was doing here. Shall I excuse myself and leave, before this was getting even more embarrassing? I started to feel uncomfortable again. He might have sensed that, cause after a few more words to her, he gestured I should follow him outside.

We made our way through the crowd, and I thought I´d recognized one or two of his friends from the record store, grinning stupidly at me. Probably they see him picking up girls like that all the time and feel pity for me…Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my heart. On the sidewalk outside the club, Caleb lit himself a cigarette and offered one to me, too.

“Soo” -  he started - “didn´t ask for your name yesterday…”-

“It´s XXX”, I replied.

“Well, XXX, how´s life in XXX?”  - he asked, leaning his back on the wall of the building, pulling deeply on his cigarette. So he remembered what it told him the day before, and I couldn´t stop myself from smirking. We stood there talking for a while, when some very drunk guys approached him, bawling:

“Ehhh, yooo, Jonesyyyy!” - clapping on his shoulder and trying to hug him. He looked visibly uncomfortable, stating calmly:

“Hey man, I don´t know you!” and trying to get away from the grip.

“Jonesyyyy…”, they continued brawled incomprehensible words, not indicating that they want to leave anytime soon. The fuss attracted the bystanders in front of the club, and only then they seemed to realize who was standing next to them. Some looked over, some pulled out their mobile phones to take pictures. Caleb rolled his eyes.

“Let´s get out here!” -  he said, pulling me around the corner, away from the crowd. “I´m so sorry”-  I replied - “some people have no respect!”. He shrugged.

“Where would you like to go now?”  - he asked.

“I don´t know, someplace quieter, I guess. I really love the Griffith Observatory, but I guess it´s closed now…” -  I answered.

“Doesn´t matter, let´s go there - he replied.

Obviously, he had parked his car only a few steps down the next street, cause after walking for about a minute, he stopped by an old, brownish Chevy and fumbled in his pocket for the car keys.

“He wants to drive? He really shouldn´t!” - flashed through my head, but I held my tongue. The heck with it! I did so many unreasonable things lately, why not get in a car with a drunk, too?

He opened me the door on the passenger’s side and I got in. I could instantly tell he smoked in that car, and not only tobacco. His mug shot crossed my mind, speeding and possession of drugs… Just what the heck was I doing?

He started the engine and off we went to the canyons, our hair blowing in the still hot breeze coming in through the open windows. He did drive fast, but not so much that a felt unsafe. I had been afraid of awkward silence, but we kept talking during the whole ride up the hills. Our families, his dogs, our love for Kubrick and guitar music were just some of the topics we touched. The question that weighed most heavily on my heart, if he had a girlfriend, was the one I couldn´t bring myself to ask. Perhaps I was afraid to ruin the atmosphere, but perhaps I was afraid of the answer, too.

He stopped at the now empty parking lot in front of the Observatory. Do they have guards on patrol here at night? - was another question that crossed my mind briefly, but I didn´t say anything, as I didn´t want him to think I was the sissy that I am.

It was dark and although a few cars came down the road as we drove up, no soul seemed to on the premises now. We strolled past the majestic building to the terrace overlooking the brightly lit city and sat on a wall. It was a breathtaking view, and sitting here next to Caleb was nothing short of mesmerizing.

“It´s so beautiful”  - I sighed.

“It is” - he agreed softly, lighting another cigarette.

We sat there for a while not saying anything, and suddenly it didn´t feel awkward at all, rather appropriate, somehow. We sat close, out shoulders casually touching another, but neither of us made a move. Did I pressure him by wanting to go to a so obviously romantic place? Was this too clichéd? I couldn´t get this new thought out of my head now. Oh god, maybe it had been a mistake…

Suddenly, as if he read my mind, he turned to me and asked;

“Wanna go for a swim?”

“Now?” - it was well past midnight. “Where?” -  I replied.

“Lake Hollywood, it´s a reservoir in the hills to the West.”

“And everyone is free to go there for a swim at night?”

He chuckled  - “Not exactly, we might have to climb a fence or so…”

Once again I couldn´t believe that I said: “Ok, then, let´s do it!”.

About 15 minutes later we arrived at a dusty kind of turning basin.

“Gotta walk from here” - Caleb stated.

He grabbed an old woolen plaid and a flashlight out of the trunk and started walking towards the barbed wire fence. Once again I couldn´t believe what I was doing. He has obviously been here before, with God knows whom, and what he was going to do was clearly against the law.

“Don´t be a sissy tonight” - I reminded myself and followed him. He threw the plaid over the fence and climbed it in no time. Oh, he did that before, I was sure.

“C´mon!” -  he shouted after jumping down the fence on the other side onto the dusty ground. Hesitantly I started to climb.

“I´ll catch ya!”  - he said, and my already racing heart beat even faster. This can very well end with a sprained ankle or worse, it crossed my mind quickly, but I tried not to dissemble. I crossed the fence and let myself slide down on the other side slowly. About halfway, I suddenly felt his arms around my hips carrying me down the rest of the way and softly putting me on the ground. His arms felt stronger than I had expected. For a short moment, he remained in this position, and I wished I could have read his face, but it was too dark where we stood.

“See, wasn´t that difficult, hm? Now be careful, terrain´s a lil rough!”  - he said softly and after lifting his arms from my hips he took my hand. For a moment I was taken aback by the sensation of my hand in his. He gently pulled me forward, lighting the uneven ground with the flashlight. I could see the premise slope down to the narrow sandy shoreline of the lake about 30 yards in front of us when we approached the last stony terrace on our way down.

He jumped down first, then reaching up to me. I grabbed his hand but must have miscalculated the height of the stone, and the shine of the flashlight in his hand was rather pointed upwards, so I couldn´t see the ground. I headed down the terrace, half jumping, half stumbling, and probably I would have fallen if Caleb wouldn´t have caught me. We collided rather hard, as I clenched onto his shoulders while he tried to stop my fall by grabbing my hips.

This was the closest we had gotten so far, and for a moment my face touched the naked skin of his neck. The faint mixture of smoke and sweat, well, of just him, was intoxicating. My heart started racing so fast that I thought my legs would give way. To my surprise, he remained in this position this time, showing no intention to let go. Neither of us said a word. I slowly lifted my head from his neck and he let his forehead sink onto mine, his eyes closed, our noses gently touching each other. He lifted one hand and placed it on my cheek, slowly caressing it. It felt surreal, but at the same time strangely profound. Suddenly I realized that pressed so close together, he must feel my heart racing like crazy, and I felt a rush of blood to my cheeks.

Isn´t that embarrassing? I mused for a second, but as I slowly traced down my hand over his chest, I felt his heart beat just the same. In a flash of boldness, not knowing whether this was pure adrenalin or sheer idiocy clouding my judgment, I let my lips touch his. Tenderly, hesitant at first, not knowing how he would react. His lips were softer than I had imagined, I faintly tasted cigarettes, Jacky and a trace of salty sweat on his upper lip. He did not seem surprised nor did he pull away the slightest. On the contrary, after a few seconds, he pulled me closer and let his tongue slip into my mouth his one hand still on my cheek, the other on my hip.

That was all it took for me. I felt my underpants getting soaking wet embarrassingly fast. I could feel him gripping my hips tighter after a few seconds, and I felt his erection through his pants on my stomach. Once more, my head started to spin, this time worse than before. This couldn´t be happening for real. Suddenly I was afraid of my own boldness and pulled away from him.

“Didn´t you wanna swim?” - I said, trying to sound playful, but was well aware how shaky my voice must have sounded. Again, it was hard to read his expression in the darkness, but his eyes were pinned on me firmly. I needed to cool down. This was going so fast…

I started to take off my shoes, jeans and shirt, and in another move, I thought I wasn´t capable of, also my underwear, and headed into the lake. The water felt ice cold on my heated body. I needed to come to my senses again. I was just taking a plunge, when I heard Caleb jumping into the lake with a big splash, surfacing from the water after a few moment just inches away from me.

This time, he wasn´t hesitant. He pulled me close vigorously and let his tongue slide into my mouth again. I felt that he was completely naked now, too, and the sensation of his wet skin pressed against mine was the most gorgeous feeling I could have ever imagined. Despite the cold of the water, I felt him getting hard again instantly. His kiss became more and more demanding and his hands slipped down and firmly grabbed my butt cheeks, pressing my body even closer to his. The sensation of it left me completely breathless. His breathing was heavy, too, and for a moment, he pulled away, as if to catch his breath. He didn´t say a word, but he looked at me half appetent, half inquiring as if he wanted to make sure I´m fine with what happened next.

He must have read my face again, because he grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the water, towards the lakeshore. He had already spread out the woolen plaid on the ground, and before I even realized it, we were both lying on it, I on my back and he on top of me. All the sensations were overwhelming I wished I could have stopped the time then and there.

The still warm breeze on my wet skin, the scratchy plaid, faintly smelling of weed and his old car, between my body and the soil, some smaller rocks stinging in my back, the chirping of the crickets nearby…Once again our eyes locked and I brushed strands of his wet hair out of his face while my legs entangled his hips. He stabilized his body above me with one arm; his other hand firmly entangled in my hair and let his member slide inside me with one smooth move, effortlessly.

Instantly a soft moan escaped his mouth and he pressed his forehead against mine, his eyes closed, kissing me voraciously. His moves picked up pace before I even could process the sensation of feeling him inside of me. It was dazzling, surreal somehow, but felt so naturally right in the same moment. Also, I tried to suppress it, I couldn´t help moaning at each of his thrusts that steadily got deeper and more relentless. The intensity of the feeling was compelling. He could have torn me apart, I wouldn´t have minded. I never wanted this sensation to stop.

His breathing was even heavier now and he buried his head deep in my neck, his hips moving back and forth even more insatiable. Moments later I could feel his whole body trembled when he came inside me with a muffled groan that came from deep down. He stayed in this position for a while, not pulling out of me, and rested his forehead and nose against mine, eyes still closed.

The feeling of having him, all of him, so close to me was so overwhelming in that moment, that it was almost painful. I let my hands wander through his hair and down his back to his butt. Neither of us said a word, when he finally rolled his body over and was now lying close by my side, his arm tightly wrapped around me. I rested my head on his chest, feeling his soft skin, and his heart still racing.

After a few moments of remaining like that, Caleb started to fumble with his free hand inside the pocket of his jeans that lay next to him and lit a cigarette.

“Want a draw now?” - he asked, still a little out of breath.

“Sure!”

He drew on it deeply, then handed me the cigarette and I lifted my head a little not to burn him with it.

“So you come here often?” - I asked before handing the cigarette back to him. I immediately regretted the question, because it made my jealousy and unsettledness so apparent. I might as well have asked him if he bangs girls here regularly, and I suddenly felt pathetic for asking.

An amused smirk flit across his face for a second, like he knew what I was thinking, and he took another deep draw before answering:

“I´ve been here with my brother a couple of times when he visited me this summer.”

“He still lives back in Texas?”

“Hmm… In Princeton with our parents.”  

“You miss home sometimes?”

“I miss our dogs…” - he said musing, and after another draw, he continued - “yeah, I miss my folks, too. People here are different. I just can´t relate sometimes…”

“But you have friends here!”  

“There´s a difference between not being alone and not being lonely” - he answered, putting out the cigarette in the grass. I put my head back on his shoulder, wrapping one arm around his hip, and he kissed my forehead, letting his cheek rest on it.

Did he feel like he doesn´t belong? Did he feel lonely? Those thoughts had never occurred to me before. But now they felt like a million needles sticking in my heart. We lay there in silence, watching the night sky for quite a while. I listened to his heartbeat, that was calm now, his breathing peaceful. His eyes were closed, his cheek still resting on my head, and I wondered if he might have dozed off.

The thought that this situation, this night would inevitably end started to feel like a heavy stone on my heart. I wanted this to last forever. I brushed out some strands of his drying hair gently out of his face and started to let my hand wander down from the cheek to his chest and stomach slowly, caressing every inch of his soft, snow white skin. Was he still dozing or just laying still, taking in the sensation? He neither moved nor made a sound. I decided to go for it, my hand tracing his landing strip down to his pubic area. He let out a quiet humming, which I interpreted as approval. I traced the outline of his member softly, before taking it in my hand more firmly, slowly moving up and down. Again, he was hard in no time. I lifted my head a little and my lips met his, but I pulled away quickly, kissing his neck instead and moving slowly further down his chest and stomach, not stopping the movement of my hand around his member. He raised his head a little to watch me, his breathing became faster again, as I traced down his landing strip with my tongue.

Finally, my tongue reached his member and I let it slip gently over its tip before I took it deep in my mouth. I tasted myself on it as I gently started sucking it, never stopping to move up and down with my other hand. Caleb let his head fall back on the plaid with a deep moan, his one hand firmly gripping the woolen fabric, the other entangling in my hair again. I could have done this forever, teasing him with my tongue, listening to the sound of his muffled moans, but I wanted to feel him inside of me again. I straightened up and lowered myself on his member.

Again I was so wet he entered me smoothly. I started to move slowly back and forth when our eyes met. Normally I would have felt ashamed and exposed, but with Caleb it was different. Our eyes locked and he watched every one of my moves, his cheeks flushed, his breathing labored, while he let his hands run over my upper body caressing it gently.

Finally, he sat up and our lips met again. His kiss was passionate, yet softer this time. Slower, more considerate, in the rhythm my hips moved on him, while he wrapped his arms around me. I buried both of my hands in his red curls, again overwhelmed by the feeling of him being so close. A wave of emotions flooded my body as he dug his fingernails into my hips, trying to press them even closer to his, and finally released himself into me while looking me straight in the eyes. We remained a while in this position, our foreheads rested against each other, his hands caressing my cheeks.

“Dawn´s coming”, he said after some time, and only then I realized that it indeed got lucid around us. Was there a hint of sadness in his voice, or was it only me wanting to hear it?

“We should pack up, yeah.” - I said, trying not let him know about the desperation that overcame me.

“I gonna drive you to your hotel, maybe you can even get some hours of sleep before your plane leaves.” - he said, casually, while we both got dressed again.

The pain in my heart only grew stronger. I didn´t want this night to end. I didn´t want to leave his side ever again. How pathetic was that? What was I even thinking? That I would be able to play cool? That I would get anything more than a badly shattered heart? He could have so many girls, why would he choose me for anything more than… this? The thoughts flew through my head as we made our way back to his car.

We didn´t talk much on the ride back, maybe he was in thoughts, maybe he was just tired, it was hard to figure out. I kept thinking all the time how to tell him what I felt without making a complete fool of myself. The time was running out, I knew that, and I started to feel utterly hopeless. I made a mistake. I had the most amazing night in my life but the price for it would be an awful pain. I felt tears boiling up, but I didn´t want Caleb to see me cry, so I swallowed hard. Still, I knew I couldn´t keep them down much longer. I stared out of the passenger seat window to avoid his gaze, but I felt him looking over to me a couple of times. Yet he said nothing.

Finally, he stopped the car in a small alley next to my hotel. That´s it, I thought. Get out of the car before he sees you crying. Get away from here and try to continue your life the best you could. Try to forget… no, that was impossible, and I knew it.

“Hey…” - his voice was soft and sounded somehow worried. He leaned towards me and gently ran his hand through my hair and down my cheek. “You ok?”

I forced myself to smile and nodded: “Sure!”  - I love you so much, I wanna be with you forever, I… all those things I wanted to tell him, but couldn´t. Leave now, it will only get worse, the voice in my head screamed, you are wretched, don´t let him see!

“It was beautiful” - he said quietly, bringing his head close to mine, “thank you”.

His voice sounded a bit shaky and he looked me straight in the eyes after placing a last soft kiss on my lips. In his eyes, I saw sincereness and sorrow. He knew it would never work out, he knew it was unfair to make promises he couldn´t keep. He was right after all.

“Goodbye”, I said, trying to get out of his car before the tears blurred my vision. I closed the door hasty and crossed the alley, hurrying to the entrance of the hotel. I didn´t hear him starting the car, he must have sat there for a while. Through my tears, I saw the sun rising, the beginning of another hot August day in LA.

[engagemachine]

@valyriansword and I have been talking about TLJ and it’s been the most rewarding/validating conversation and I’M SO GRATEFUL to have someone who is able to express how they feel (AND HOW I ALSO FEEL) so articulately. I’m just so excited because walking out of that theater was such a conflicting experience and I didn’t know how I felt or how I was supposed to feel or what to make of what I’d just seen, but I feel more at “peace” after discussing so thoroughly the film’s high and low points. I’ve also just come back from seeing the film for a second time and feel that I’m better able to express a lot of my thoughts.

So with all of that being said, SOME HIGHLIGHTS OF THINGS KATRINA SAID and then my own additions added on at the end (spoilers ahead):

“what I really disliked was the little “oh I feel the force” joke, mostly because it felt like I was seeing Daisy Ridley and Mark Hamill fooling around then actual Rey and Luke. I don’t know, the humor did not work for during a lot of parts.” –This is something I echoed several times to different people after seeing the film, because there were a couple points in the film where the humor felt entirely misplaced and even inappropriate at times. The scene where Rey is meditating on the rock and thinks she is feeling the Force (when in actuality it is Luke waving a plant over her hand) was one of those scenes that felt overtly comical. I don’t appreciate humor when it feels so forced. There were moments meant to be funny that simply did not feel genuine. Maybe the humor felt oddly placed at times because there wasn’t really time to properly laugh over it before the characters were moving on and were back into serious mode. The “reaction time” felt cut short, in a sense, and I’ve never seen that happen in a film before.

“Yeah the pulling her [Rey] around the room stuff was weird. He [Snoke] was the most one-dimensional character in TFA but I liked him so much better back then? I liked how mysterious he was? But here he was SUCH a twirling-mustache villain in this movie, and he talked way too much. Actually, everyone in this movie talked too much. what made TFA so great was the subtext, the things /not/ said, like the interrogation room scene, peppered with so many ambiguous moments “don’t be afraid I feel it too” “I see it, I see the island”…so ripe with tension because of that, and so magical. But this movie kinda broke the fourth wall a few times and was very self-aware and I was not a fan of that.” –I firstly wanted to address Snoke, because I agree full-heartedly with what Katrina said about him being such a mustache-twirly villain in TLJ. He was mysterious in The Force Awakens, and while I don’t think anyone really liked him much in TFA, he was, at least, much more threatening and scary than he ever was in TLJ; I think there was some initial disappoint in seeing him in non-hologram form—before, he was only this crackly, large shadow figure. Now we’re seeing him in all of his full glory, and not only is he wearing this sparkly, gold bathrobe, (which: what the FUCK?) but he’s talking way too much. The speech he delivers moments before he is killed probably bothers me more than anything else he said. He goes on and on about how he sees everything, that nothing surprises him… and then is killed by the lightsaber sitting next to him. It was too easy. I also thought him pulling Rey around the room was very strange, perhaps it was the way it was filmed, but there was just something off about it to me.  

About characters saying too much—I’ve never agreed with a comment more. There was so much dialogue that was just flat-out bad, so many moments that felt so strangely out of character. I think my biggest grievance with the dialogue was that a lot of it felt so circular. (The whole film felt circular, but I’ll save that for later) in that it never actually accomplishes anything or establishes a theme that we didn’t already know. Certainly the most revealing dialogue came from Kylo and Rey’s shared moments. But I’m still scratching my head over some of the dialogue between Rey and Luke, and the scene on Ahch-to where we’re led to believe that Rey’s parentage is about to be revealed, and then… isn’t. What was the point of the multiple reflections of Reys? Even the moment between Yoda and Luke wasn’t as impactful as it could have been—the piss-poor dialogue being the causative factor, in my opinion.

There are several other moments where I wished the actors had been given the ability to just act—this is one of the most talented ensembles of actors in a single film, and their freedoms to do what they do best have been stripped from them, and they’re instead forced to spout all this useless dialogue that doesn’t really advance the plot, and that doesn’t reveal to us anything we don’t already know.

Yoda’s speech wasn’t all bad—what he said about failing to teach your failures, and how that can be just as harmful as hiding them completely was very poignant, I thought. 

“Rian just seemed weirdly obsessed with the Resistance storyline when it was a much simpler, off-to-the-side thing before. I came in ready to see a movie about Rey’s growth as a person, learning the ways of the force, learning about balance, having mixed feelings about Kylo. instead it was more like… “you’re a MONSTER… but I forgive you and I want to save you and I’ll recklessly give myself up to the first order just to be with you, baby” which. was so. out of character. I had way more issues with that than with the force bond itself. And then the rest of the movie was a cheesy story about how heroic the resistance is and a tiny subplot about Rey bickering with retired Luke. Who apparently disconnected from the force but then reconnected with no issues?” –I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: there was no forward momentum in this film, no real advancement in the plot beyond what happens to Kylo, and I’m so baffled as to why. The Resistance spent the entire film running away from the First Order (all on the premise that their fuel supply was running low, which… what???), a storyline that could have been effectively told in under 15 minutes.

I’m also crushed by what was done with Finn. Such a central character in TFA, in TLJ, he was reduced to completing some side quest that ended up having no relevance to the film. And why the fuck did Rey and Finn NEVER EVEN SPEAK? They hugged, yes, but the fact that no dialogue was shared between them practically kills me. If Poe and Rey can share a split-second of dialogue, surely that same courtesy could have been extended to Finn and Rey, who share one of the most beautiful friendships in the Star Wars universe.

Katrina pointed out something else that I would have loved to of seen, which is more of an internal struggle within Rey, specifically her growth as a Jedi, and my desire to see more conflict between her and the Dark side. There was so much conflict driving her in TFA, and in TLJ it felt as if her conflict was presented and then solved within an hour into the film, tied off with a neat little bow on top, and that was that. I just feel very sad for her character. I wanted more for her story.

As for Luke, which I’ll get to more in a minute—it goes without saying that I am sad about what became of him in this film as well, everything from his portrayal to his subsequent death. (Which, by the way: WHY MUST THIS NEW TRILOGY KILL OFF EVERY SINGLE TRIO MEMBER FROM THE ORIGINAL TRILOGY. W H Y.)

“Yeah Luke was extra and I feel like that Fashion statement was the only truly in-character moment for him. I feel like they did not do him justice, certainly not enough justice for him to be offed in the end like that. It’s weird because with Han I felt his death so, so deeply, even when I didn’t know anything about him, but with Luke I was just way too “the FUCK” to really react emotionally.” –This is exactly how I felt about Luke’s death, which was so jarring in a way that’s difficult to even put into words. Luke deserved a proper burial, something commemorative, something honorable, something more than just a split second scene of him disintegrating into dust, and his Jedi robe mystically blowing off into the wind. Darth Vader got a proper burial, it just stands to reason that Luke should have gotten one too. I felt like I’d been robbed of the moment to properly mourn Luke’s loss, Luke—the character who is arguably the centerfold for the entire Star Wars universe.

Some of my other grievances include whatever the fuck that casino scene/subplot was supposed to be, which was just so messy and jarring inside the Star Wars universe that I didn’t feel like I was watching a Star Wars film at all. I hate admitting to experiencing boredom in a Star Wars film, but both times I’ve watched that scene, I found my thoughts drifting to ways they could have better utilized that time and space in the film. It’s such a tragedy to me.

Another thing that I strongly disliked—and I wasn’t able to put my finger on this until the second viewing—but some of the transitions are so poorly done, I couldn’t help but notice how much they stand out, and not in a good way. There’s something very clunky and awkward about how the scenes cut from one to the next, it doesn’t feel smooth and organic like in TFA. I felt as if I was being tugged from one storyline/set of characters to the next and then back again, leaving me with a sensation that felt almost like whiplash.

Which brings me to my final point, which is that TLJ is simply not a cohesive film within the Star Wars universe. It doesn’t feel like a Star Wars film to me, and that perhaps is what saddens me more than anything else. I know a lot of fans criticized J.J. for what they assumed to be his apparent lack of imagination, or his lack of risk-taking within the Star Wars universe when it came to TFA, but what I appreciated were his subtle nods to the previous SW films, I appreciate him reinventing the Star Wars universe while still maintaining the feel and tone of the previous films. It felt honorary and appropriate.

To me, TLJ falls into a pitfall that I’ve seen too many times before, which is that it is extremely difficult to carry on a story and trilogy of films that is cohesive when you have different directors overseeing them. Regardless of the decisions that were already predetermined at the time that the plans for this new trilogy were mapped out, there’s no doubt that the director oversees and greatly affects the overall tone and feel of the film.

And look, this isn’t a totally awful film—I think we can all agree, collectively, that while the prequels are pretty bad, we like them because they’re Star Wars films, because we grew up watching them and there’s a pretty strong sense of nostalgia we’ve tacked onto them. Maybe in some years’ time, The Last Jedi will acquire that same sense of nostalgia. One can only hope. 

[yohanes-magic-circle]

Digital Disguise: Chapter 4

(Impatient? Don’t like reading fics on Tumblr? The whole thing is up on AO3 now. I hope you enjoy it!)

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3]

By all measures, Yoshiko Tsushima should have been miserable as she walked through the front door of her family's apartment. She'd got her English test results back that day, and they were only just a step above failure. It's not that she hadn't tried to improve. Inspired by Mari's random outbursts, she'd asked for help, but even when she could be torn away from her duties as the school's director, she didn't end up being much use. It turned out that mixing Yoshiko's tendency to slack off with Mari's lighthearted nature and love of joking around was a recipe for very little actual studying to take place. What's more, she was struggling to nail the timing for Aquors' new dance routine – she was always half a step ahead or behind, and attempts to correct the problem always resulted in overcompensation. Nobody was holding it against her, but she knew she’d need to get it together before the preliminaries.

Despite all of this, the first-year student was wearing the kind of smile that suggested that she didn't have any troubles at all. “Welcome home,” came the habitual greeting from Yoshiko's mother. She wasn't expecting her greeting to be welcomed with a cheery “Hi!” from her daughter, and didn't have time to react before Yoshiko's customary retreat to her bedroom. It wasn't much, but it was nice. Having worried about Yoshiko's social skills throughout middle school, her mother credited Yoshiko's good mood to her school idol activities – making some less eccentric friends was the best thing that could have happened.

Thankfully for Yoshiko, her mother didn't know the truth – Yoshiko was in fact grinning from ear to ear entirely because of her weirder interests. School wasn't the only place she made friends, after all. Yohane Time mostly earned Yoshiko fans rather than friends, but some of her more regular viewers had earned their way into what she liked to call the “inner circle,” a small group that she considered to be friends. She'd ask about what was going on in their lives, entirely in character of course, and always made sure to prioritise them for fortunes and rituals. They didn’t know much about the real Yoshiko, but they seemed to like Yohane, and every time she considered just not streaming, it was the mental vision of their disappointment that caused her to think twice.

Quitting hadn’t been something that Yoshiko had seriously considered for a couple of weeks, though. Lately, it seemed like she might be gaining a new friend by the name of Musashino, and when you cut to the core of it that was what was behind Yoshiko's good mood – she was streaming again tonight, and that meant another chance to interact. This newcomer had shown up about four weeks ago, and hadn’t missed a show since. They’d quickly found their feet amongst the regulars in the chat, and while their messages were a little slow, they were always interesting. (Was that down to a laggy connection or slow typing speed? Yoshiko couldn't tell.)

When viewers had been asked what Yohane needs, Musashino had responded with “a demonic familiar,” and Yoshiko most definitely wanted a pet. When another viewer had asked what kind of film a Yohane movie would be, they had already suggested it’d be a tragedy before Yoshiko had even been able to address the question – that’s certainly how she preferred to characterise her rotten luck, even though in reality it tended to lean more towards slapstick comedy. One time, when someone began to question Yohane’s fortune telling as being far too giving for a being from the netherworld, Musashino had leapt to her defence by noting that Yohane hadn’t become a fallen angel by choice – clearly  somebody  was paying attention to the backstory – and that she still had kindness in her heart. As Yohane had talked of the celestial conflict that would herald the end of days, Musashino had been fascinated (and even taught Yoshiko a new word – eschatology). It seemed as if this person was really on Yohane's wavelength.

Yoshiko already considered Musashino as part of that special inner circle, one of the little demons she held dearest. In fact, she was quickly coming to consider Musashino as her favourite, and she was incredibly pleased that they seemed to be just as committed to viewing her stream as she was to hosting it – it wouldn’t be the same without them any more. Whenever she found herself zoning out in class, it was inevitably Musashino that she ended up thinking about, largely because she was curious as to what this person was like outside of their interest in Yohane. Their messages didn't give much away as to their real life, though. Even the name was impenetrable, though Yoshiko assumed that it was a rare detail pertaining to their offline persona – most people chose something meaningful, even if only to themselves. She’d seen a train line with that name when she visited Tokyo once. Maybe this person lived in that area? Maybe, if she could get her mother to tag along for safety, they could even meet? Yoshiko ran over the scenario in her head. “Hey, can you take me to meet my friend from the internet? They’re a fan of my streams and I don’t know anything about them.” Yeah, that’d go down a treat. Without anyone to ensure her safety, Yoshiko reluctantly reasoned that meeting up was probably not such a great idea.

Glancing over at the clock, Yoshiko could see that it was getting close to stream time. She began to prepare the scene, shutting her curtains, lighting candles and changing into her fallen angel clothes. Tonight, her plan was more interactive than usual – the idea being to learn more about her viewers, or at least how viewers saw Yohane. The last thing she did, as always, was uncover her webcam. She was still trying to separate Yoshiko and Yohane, and she’d decided that the best way to do that was to ensure that the two worlds never met – Yoshiko’s schoolmates should never meet Yohane outside of Aqours shows, and Yohane’s online fans should never see Yoshiko. One stupid error with the cam would be all it would take to ruin that, by revealing what was in truth a pretty ordinary bedroom.

With a deep breath and a click of the mouse, Yoshiko became Yohane.

“Gathered in the dying light, a congregation of the wicked, awaiting the angel whose beauty so angered God that she was cast out of heaven. I will grace you all with my presence, but you must know that summoning Yohane is a dark bargain indeed. In exchange for my protection, I require evidence of your devotion. Little demons! You entered into a contract with me, and now an offering must be made. So tonight, my sinful servants, I ask of you – what will you bring to appease me?”

Yoshiko watched as the responses came flooding in.

any1 got sum crosses? Ill hang em upside down   I can sacrifice another goat.   1000 BLACK FEATHERS!   we can mail you a letter   Tabasco sauce and something with cayenne peppers

Truth be told, she had hoped her viewers would be as imaginative as she was. That first one was too stereotypical, the second she hoped was a joke… dull, bland, tasty. Wait, tasty? What the heck? And there they were again – Musashino had sent that suggestion. It was an odd one. Yoshiko definitely had an appetite for spicy food, and she’d genuinely like those things as gifts, but that wasn’t something she’d ever brought up during Yohane Time before.

“Musashino, you make an intriguing suggestion,” she said, trying to figure out her mysterious fan’s motivation. “Why do you believe these items to be a worthy gift?” Yoshiko was struggling not to break character, and the anticipation of the inevitably delayed reply was not helping one bit.

Because the heat would remind you of Hell, and I think you’d like hot food

Well, that was certainly a plausible in-character explanation, and it was the best of the answers – or at least, the thing Yoshiko most wanted at that point in time. It was still an odd one, though. “Congratulations, little demon! You have stumbled upon one of the ways to Yohane’s blackened heart,” she conceded. After verbally assessing some of the other suggestions, she decided to change the subject. “And what sort of place would you all pick to make your offerings to me? Choose wisely!”

a ruined church!   How about a sauna? They’re hot like Hell too.   letz go 2 onsen heh heh   HOW ABOUT AN ARCADE?   Why not Tokyo?

These suggestions were definitely better than the last ones, minus the onsen one which earned the idiot a swift banishment from the chat. The ruined church would definitely look amazing and have the right ambience. The sauna one, they were at least trying – although they might not have been so blatant about duplicating Musashino’s reasoning. An arcade would be nice, but was more of a Yoshiko answer than a Yohane answer. And, last as usual, Musashino’s answer.

“Allowing me to demonstrate my demonic powers on your mortal games would be terribly foolish,” she declared. “What would the glory seekers do when faced with the insurmountable obstacle of Yohane’s high scores? And Tokyo… another strange suggestion that has earned my interest. Musashino, are you perhaps a fellow user of magic?”

Again, Yoshiko couldn’t deny that she’d like to visit Tokyo. She was always drawn to the city more than the country, and besides, you could get everything there and there were some amazing stores selling occult goods. If she could go for her birthday, which was coming up soon, she’d be pretty happy. Again though, that’s a Yoshiko thing, more than a Yohane thing. Musashino’s reply had come through.

I’ve heard it’s a city stained with sin, a place of true terror. That sounds like a place where demons would gather.

Yoshiko couldn’t fault the reasoning, but this time it was even more suspicious. She was sure she’d heard someone say something like that before. It was a silly notion, of course – Tokyo was amazing – but she couldn’t dwell on it long as some of the other users quickly began to mock Musashino.

Did you know Osaka is the gateway to heaven?   musashino are you from the past?   LOL I BET YOU BELIEVE IN HANAKO-SAN IN THE TOILET

“Enough! With so many people in Tokyo, it is easier for demons to blend into the crowd. If Musashino is fearful of the grand metropolis, they are fearful with good cause! And that is all the more reason to offer this lost lamb protection.” The fallen angel had surprised even herself with this stern rebuke, as she didn’t often have to deal with a rowdy crowd. Some of the apologetic comments that followed suggested that certain viewers quite liked Yohane’s unusual disciplinarian outburst, though mercifully they stayed on the right side of the creepy line.

“Now that you’ve calmed down, my little demons, I shall express my desires – with this information, you will be able to make the ultimate offering to Yohane,” Yoshiko began again. “Though the material temptations of this lowly world are truly enticing, my true wish goes beyond such trivial objects. When one of my little demons is in danger, I would even display my true powers to see that they come to no harm – and as my little demons, I expect you all to get along. If you are to descend with me, you should be loyal to me and everyone who descends with me,” she continued. It was a sentiment delivered as Yohane, but it came from Yoshiko’s heart. Her efforts to be more normal at school, her joining Aqours, all of that effort was made because the thing Yoshiko wanted the most was to have good friends. “So even in times of great danger, when the divine and the damned finally clash, will your loyalties waver or will you stand behind Yohane?”

I’ll be standing shoulder to shoulder with you!   ill stand behind yohane   I WOULD DIE FOR YOU   Your wish is my command

Yoshiko was pleased to have everyone back on the same page. “Very well, you have pleased me. Now, I will open my magic eye and reveal the secrets of your futures,” she said, bringing things back to a place where she firmly controlled the dialogue.

After a good half hour of fortune telling, it was coming time to wrap up. “It is almost time for this tragic beauty to retire to the shadows, but I leave you with a warning,” Yoshiko said with all the gravitas she could muster. “Those of you that have made this contract tonight must abide by it. Failure to perform your duties as a little demon will see you banished to the abyss!” The stream ended and for the first time in a while, Yoshiko was pleased to finish up. That one had ended up getting pretty weird between the onsen creep and the goat sacrifice.

Still thinking of weird things, Yoshiko was drawn back to Musashino – were they an esper or something? She couldn’t quite believe how well judged those offerings had been as she scrolled back through the chat. Then she got annoyed all over again as she got to the section where people turned on them. These people were wrapped up in a fallen angel’s stream and they made fun of someone for having some slightly odd thoughts on Tokyo? Yoshiko thought it somewhat ridiculous. She couldn’t help but defend Musashino, as they had become one of her favourite little demons. Still, she’d managed to sort things out by insisting on solidarity amongst her little demons. It brought a smile to her face as she read the declarations of loyalty again, but… where was Musashino? She scrolled back up.

I’ll be standing shoulder to shoulder with you!

For the first time she could recall, Musashino had been quicker to respond than anyone else. Not only that, they’d gone further to affirm their loyalty than anyone else. Who was this person?

Yoshiko was too tired to consider the matter any further. As she switched her light off and went to bed, she decided that she’d have a better chance of figuring it all out in the morning.

[placetobenation]

Making the Case for Al Snow

Al Snow came into WWF and was saddled two failed gimmicks. As Avatar, he came to the ring with a mask, put it on, and took it off after the match. As Leif Cassidy, he was an out of touch New Rocker teaming with Marty Jannetty. Snow briefly left WWF as part of a lend-lease program with ECW, where he was able to retool himself and find the gimmick that dominated the rest of his career, for better and for worse. A lot of the Attitude Era was a blur for me. With the accelerated pace of booking and the addition of Smackdown, so much was happening all at once. Snow’s work can be lost in the blur, with only a few of the most notorious angles standing out. Remembered mostly as a comedy/hardcore act, not too many people have gone back to examine his work. I have watched a number of matches and angles. What I have found is one of the hidden talents of the Attitude Era and secretly good TV workers. Today, I would like to share with you my perspective on Al Snow’s run in WWF. Using the NJPW rating system, I hope to make the case on why I believe Al Snow deserves to be on your Top 100 WWE Wrestlers of All Time list.

Nuance

Al Snow’s run with the company went from 1995 until 2003, with exclusion of the previously mentioned ECW run and the inclusion of a brief WWECW run in 2006. During much of that time, he was planted firmly in the midcard. Upon his return to the company from ECW until he became the head trainer on Tough Enough, Al Snow often had an angle running on TV. The comedy aspect of his act probably kept him from being a gatekeeper to the main event. During one of the hottest periods in company history, in the middle of a war with WCW, the company believed enough in this act to place him on TV quite frequently. During his eight-year stint with the WWF, he was put in a good position on TV for much of that time.  Granted, he got a slow start as Avatar and Leif Cassidy.  But from doing the JOB on the PPV to being head trainer of Tough Enough, Snow had some good roles in his tenure with WWE.

When searching for footage, invariably one will come around shoot interviews. Al Snow seems to fancy himself a heel, stating that he had played heel most of his wrestling career prior to being with WWF and ECW. In WWF, he was mostly a face and had little success as a heel. There was a period in ‘99/2000 when they tried to turn him heel, following a split with Mick Foley. The idea was turning Al into a sadistic crazy man instead of the friendly crazy man he had been to that point. That run featured some good work against The Hardy Boys and Too Cool. This is quickly transitioned though into teaming with Steve Blackman as Head Cheese. You could see him working hard to get this change in direction over but it just wasn’t connecting with the audience. They gave him some creepy theme music that I forgot upon hearing. One reason this may have not taken off is that he still had Head with him. No matter how hard JR tried to sell us that Al Snow was a sick man, fans wanted to chant “We Want Head”. Of course, when discussing flexibility and heel characters in regards to Al Snow, I have to mention The New Rockers. People didn’t want to boo The Rockers, new or otherwise. Fans, by and large, liked Marty Jannetty. Marty and Leif’s heel work consisted of stomping their feet and pumping their fists in the lowest energy way imaginable. My observation is that The New Rockers weren’t feeling it and neither were the crowd. Their work isn’t as bad as you may have heard. But like much of 1995 WWF, it didn’t connect at all with the crowd. Certainly, the booking didn’t help either. Who cares about a team that can’t win a match when one partner walks about on the other, such as this Smoking Gunns match from Superstars on 10/27/96.

You may think that this lack of flexibility would hurt his case. And you are kind of right. In addition to only getting over as a babyface, his spot on the card was laid in cement. There were attempts to elevate him. The aforementioned heel turn was an example. I recall reading in one of Mick Foley’s books that the company believed Tough Enough would elevate Al into the mainstream consciousness. That really didn’t happen. The impression I got from the feud with The Big Boss Man which lead to the Kennel from Hell Match was another attempt to elevate his position on the card. I guess they thought that a guy who talks to a dog would be more endearing than a guy who talks to a head. This isn’t a case where they didn’t try to elevate a guy. There was effort made. But the fans seemed to have a clear impression of who and what was Al Snow.

Which brings us to the intangibles. He had a connection with the audience. He was exactly over. The Head gimmick was over. Not super-hot. Not cold. Just over. While the audience got on board with what he was doing, there was only so far you could go with that gimmick. When they tried to move away from it, the fans weren’t terribly interested. For example, in the infamous Kennel from Hell Match, which I recently watched, the only thing in the actual match that fans reacted to was when Al pulled out Head and walloped Boss Man with it.

Another thing I think Al Snow brought to the table that is difficult to measure is how much he could do in the ring in a short period of time. Having watched a lot of TV Matches from this period of time, he manages to fit a lot of work into a short period of time, usually three to five minutes. There is a Raw match against Val Venis from late ’99 that is a good example of a match that felt like they did more work than the time would allow. I have also come to appreciate how much good work was being done on the C-Shows at this time. On Heat, he had decent matches with Edge, Christian, and Essa Rios which I will link to but there are plenty more examples. Look, I like Greg Valentine taking a half hour just to get warmed up as much as the next guy, and Valentine will get a high spot on my list than Al Snow. But since the Attitude Era, no one is getting half hour matches on Raw, least of all mid card comedy acts. Al being able to get the best match possible in the time allowed for a TV match was a real asset to the company.

Jump Up Factor

For a guy who was mostly a comedy act, it is perhaps ironic that the most memorable moment he had in company history was unintentional comedy. That would be the angle in which The Big Boss Man fed Pepper the Dog to Al Snow leading to the Kennel from Hell match at Unforgiven 1999. This match overshadowed the far superior Hardcore Title Match between these two at Summer Slam ’99, which I thought was a lot of fun but had a crap finish. The Kennel match has become the stuff of legend and taken a life of its own. But if you bother to watch it, you are not going to see dogs doing the nasty around ringside. The match is a pedestrian plunder fest in front of a dead crowd with three moments that got a reaction. One was the return of Head which received a collective “Thank God” from the audience. Second was Boss Man handcuffing Al to the ropes. I think a few people expected Snow to get beaten ’89 jobber style but it didn’t happen. Third was Al’s escape from the cage which was quite athletic. It was also one of the few WWF Hardcore title matches featuring Al Snow in which blood was drawn. I’m not going to tell you it was a good match. It wasn’t. But the echo chamber opinion that it was the worst match ever is really overblown. Obviously, what the dogs were doing outside the ring took the crowd completely out of the match. But what took place in the ring was not that bad. The angle itself was also a piece of brilliant unintentional comedy. And why? It’s pretty sadistic that Boss Man would kidnap a dog and feed it to the owner. But Boss Man’s dialogue and delivery is just too damn funny. On paper, it looks like a horrific storyline. In practice, no one took this seriously. Or at least very few people did.  I know I am supposed to be making the case but I must be honest. This is Al Snow’s most memorable moment with the company.

There were other big storylines Al Snow was involved with. In late ’99, Al Snow hatched a plot to get in between The Rock ‘N Sock Connection. Snow throws The Rock’s autographed copy of Have A Nice Day in the trash where Mankind finds it. Mankind learns to forgive and forget which forces an angry confession and heel turn from Al Snow. Al Snow teams with Chris Jericho against The Rock ‘N Sock Connection. The blow off between Snow and Mankind is an average Falls Count Anywhere Match on the 12/14/99 Smackdown. Snow gets a win over The Rock in a Brahma Bull Rope Match on the 12/20/99 Raw. The next night on Smackdown, The Rock gets his win back in a Steel Cage. These matches are all out there on line but not in great quality. This storyline also found its way onto one of the videos games storyline mode. At this point in the company, it was a pretty big deal that they use Al Snow in this position.

This heel turn for Al Snow lead to him chasing some bonus money put up by The McMahon/Helmsley regime against The Hardy Boys. The 1/3/2000 Raw featured a Steel Cage Match between Jeff Hardy and Al Snow that was quite good. The follow up was Al employing the help of The Dudley Boys in a Six Man Tag against Edge, Christian, and Jeff Hardy, also a pretty decent match.  They really tried to sell that Al Snow had become a sadistic, crazy man but it didn’t last long. By the end of the month, he was teaming with Steve Blackman with the team name of Head Cheese. I feel like they could have gotten more mileage out of heel Al Snow, but I am here to talk about what is, rather than what could have been.

A personal favorite that I came across was Al Snow’s European Title reign setting up for William Regal’s introduction to the WWF. This time, he wasn’t coming in as A Real Man’s Man. Now Regal was appointed Good Will Ambassador to the WWF by Mr. McMahon. He was here to teach all of us Americans proper manners. So, he would do guest commentary for European Title Matches. The European Champion at the time was Al Snow. Snow would proudly misrepresent various countries in Europe in the most stereotypical way possible. Regal’s commentary was priceless. Snow had some decent TV matches during this run too.  This leads to William Regal challenging Snow and capturing the European Championship. I love the way this was built. It was a good way to reintroduce the audience to William Regal. They took a title that didn’t mean much, put it on a comedy act, and used it to launch a new-ish character. Al Snow’s dumb American idea of what Europe is like vs William Regal’s worldly knowledge. This kind of well planned, week to week storytelling, with a tangible goal in mind is really something you haven’t seen in WWE in a while

Promo and Character Work

How one rates this category depends entirely on how you felt about The Head gimmick. Avatar left the audience confused and wasn’t around long enough to move the needle on anyone’s opinion of his promo or character work. Perhaps if he had worked with different masks and changed his wrestling style based on the mask he was where, that would have been cool.  I doubt Vince has played Majora’s Mask though.  Leif Cassidy doesn’t really factor into any of this either, unless you were impressed with how well he played a dork.  I can only speak for myself here but I felt no need to boo the New Rockers for being out of touch dorks, as I myself was an out of touch dork.

I rather liked The Head gimmick and Crazy Al in general. He never rose to the level of Tom Hanks in Castaway but I think that was the general idea with how Al interacted with Head. The crowd seemed to be behind the gimmick. Early into the run, he started a stable of guys who generally lose called The JOB Squad. Much like Head, feelings on The JOB Squad vary. At this point in the 90’s; smart, insider language was infecting the product. Snow, almost from the beginning, would throw around smart terms that better than half the audience didn’t get. This sort of thing played better in front of an ECW audience than a WWF audience. Snow wore the t-shirt long after the faction had run its coarse. They tried to tweak the Head gimmick by giving Al Snow a dog but it just didn’t work the same. Theoretically, Pepper should have worked better than Head. People talk to their dogs all the time. It should have been more relatable but not so much. At the time, Snow was primarily in the Hardcore division. Head was a useful prop. He could use it to smack an opponent and win a match. No one wanted to see Snow wallop someone with Pepper. I think it is remarkable that he could get over by interacting with and playing off of an inanimate object.

If Head isn’t your thing, there was other work he did during his run with the company that I think was quite good. The feud with Foley leading up to 2000 was some of Snow’s best promo work. Some of the anger about the jokes written in Mick Foley’s book came off as real, and for all I know he was channeling some real anger. Between Snow’s team with Foley, the heel turn, and the series of matches vs The Rock ‘N Sock Connection, Head faded into the background. He still brought Head to the ring but it didn’t play a role in the feud or promos. The team with Steve Blackman was another case were his character work had nothing to do with Head. In a way, during the Head Cheese run, Blackman took place of Head as someone Al would bounce silly ideas off. Blackman would then call him an idiot. There were a lot of fun, short segments with Snow and Blackman during the run, based mostly around Snow pitching ideas to Blackman on how they could get over with the crowd. Blackman played a good straight man to Al’s crazy character, they made a good pair, playing off each other. They were a pretty underrated team in the ring as well. Unfortunately, their comedy act wasn’t going to rise above a certain level in the stacked tag division of 2000. They get lost in the shuffle of some legendary tag teams of that year like The Hardy’s, The Dudley’s, and Edge and Christian. Head Cheese is worth reexamining if for no other reason than to see what kind of character work Al Snow could do that didn’t center around Head.

I also liked the role Al Snow played as friendly mentor and trainer to the Tough Enough contestants when they would appear on WWE television. It didn’t lead to great success for anyone but Al did his part as helpful veteran who wanted to see Maven success or teach Chris Harvard some manners. He was a counterbalance to Bob Holly, the cranky veteran who likes to hurt people. This was the beginning of the end for Al Snow in WWE, eventually becoming a color commentator and sparsely used through 2003. Snow’s role as likable trainer on Tough Enough which bled into his role on Raw and Smackdown is still worth mentioning.

Workrate

I feel like Al Snow is underrated as a worker. As a single and a tag worker, Al Snow could really go in the ring. He is large associated with the Hardcore division. From the footage I have watched, that is some of the weakest examples of his work. He was able to get creative with his Hardcore work, adding comedy spots like the Bowling Ball Below the Belt bit. He had a good walk around brawl with D’Lo Brown for the Hardcore Title in ’99.  They did some creative things that I felt stood out. I already pointing out some of the work he did with Big Bossman aside from the Kennel match. Hardcore Matches in the company weren’t really built around giving guys a chance to show their best work. Most of them came off as tame compared to a lot of the stuff happening with other companies at the time.

What I think a lot of people don’t notice is the not Hardcore Matches he had during his time with the company. In particular, how much he could do with limited television time. There is a 2/5/01 Raw Match with Chris Benoit which only goes about four minutes but seems a lot long. They trade stiff looking blows in and out of the ring, work in some arm psychology, and still have time for Al to get in a couple of moonsaults for a near fall. The European Title run which I already showcased also points to this positive trait for Al Snow. One of the best matches he had that I have seen was against Triple H on Smackdown of 10/21/99. The match is only about five minutes but Snow gets momentum on his side and the crowd really gets behind him, hoping he pulls off an upset.

I also have to mention his work as a tag team wrestler. The New Rockers didn’t catch on with the audience but in the ring, they were not that bad of a team. Early in their run, there were certainly some hiccups in terms of coordination. They get it figured out quickly. While they are not as good for a team as The Rockers, they did get their tag offensive working well in tandem. They worked the house shows with Doug Furnas and Phil LaFon which I imagine were good. It’s too bad they didn’t make tv. Snow’s team with Mankind was short lived but fine.  Even though they were tag champions, they didn’t have enough time together to really gel as a team. I have already stated my appreciation for Al Snow and Steve Blackman. Head Cheese was a team that, much like Snow, could put together an entertaining, three to five minute match on television. Their role was usually putting over more established tag teams. Still, they had good chemistry as a team and did a good job making other teams look good. You can find footage of them facing most of the teams of this era on line. I can’t help but think that they could have been a top team if they had been put together a few years before or a few years after this.  The ’97 tag division was virtually nonexistent and the ’02 tag division wasn’t a whole lot better.

Conclusion

Most of the main points have already been made in this article. If I can say anything in conclusion it is that I have found Al Snow to be unrated. If you look just beneath the surface, I think you will find a very polished worked that put on some fast paced, well worked matches in the Attitude Era. Workrate certainly suffered during this period of time but if you look on the undercard and C-Shows, there were some guys putting on pretty good matches. Al Snow probably will come in between 80 or 90 on my list. To me, he stood out as a veteran, solid worker who anchored the midcard during a time when workrate wasn’t a high priority.

– Michael DeDamos