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#but the thing is is that i cant be a girlfriend again
jazzband22 · 4 months
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pondering my orb
#personal#it appears i have fallen victim to the situationship industrial complex#this little arrangement i found myself in has escalated from ‘friends who hook up’ to ‘boyfriend without the boy’#and it is becoming lets say emotionally distressing#because i am leaving town for the summer in just three short weeks! and for the past two months we have spent every free moment together#and putting our own individual codependent tendencies aside i really do like him#i havent been alone long enough to shift my brain out of girlfriend mode#because the thing is i loved being a girlfriend#apparently it was a significant part of my identity#which i didnt really realize until i wasnt one anymore#and i miss it!#i dont even miss the boyfriend i was the girlfriend of particularly#i just miss being a girlfriend i think#and now i have found a man who i would very much like to be the girlfriend of#hes respectful and emotionally intelligent and he fucks me so good and we have a lot of fun together i think#but the thing is is that i cant be a girlfriend again#because since it was such a significant part of my identity now that i am no longer a girlfriend i have lost that piece#and i guess i dont know what is supposed to go in its place#who am i if not girlfriend? what do i do when i am not girlfriending? who do i talk to when its not my boyfriend?#my life purpose is certainly not ‘girlfriend’#i mean its not supposed to be. i was pretty happy with it but everyone in my life is telling me thats not what im supposed to do#so what am i supposed to do???? i dont like being alone i dont want to be#i want to be girlfriend!!!!!!!#i was happy and i felt fulfilled#sure it was for the wrong person but the right one will come along#im not very good at the whole casual dating thing though. i mean clearly#because this man is probably not boyfriend material either#as much as i like him it is questionable whether he deserves my girlfriending#so how does one find ‘the’ boyfriend?#is it a futile exercise in the first place
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sinclairstarz · 8 months
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the party if they were fucking cool 🔥 i wasnt joking about the modern stranger things au where everythings the same except the party really likes skating thing
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ty-the-trainwreck · 1 year
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robin buckley is the kind of gf to take every opportunity to talk about her partner its true
someone mentions the newspaper? oh! nancy works for the newspaper! did robin mention nancy is robin’s girlfriend?
the color pink? nancy loves the color pink! also nancy is robin’s girlfriend.
books? nancy loves reading books! robin loves reading books with nancy, who is robin’s girlfriend.
she just loves saying “nancy is my girlfriend!”
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juniestar · 3 months
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Oh my god one last thing my ex took me to outside lands and when we tried to watch lana del rey he laid down on the grass and had a “panic attack” (this was after months of him talking about how he didn’t like her) so we went to see foo fighters after a bit and he was FINE
#LANA i know his sister works for you BUT TRUST MY WORD AND GIVE ME A FREE TICKET PLEASE…#MY FIRST TIME SEEING YOU WAS RUINED GIRL… she was so good too like i was saving her songs to spotify that night#im reliving all this because i found out a lot of his exes and ex friends hang out together and two of them invited me so it was me an ex an#d an ex friend just swapping stories and first of all. he said he got cheated on by this girl and she NEVER DID IT (HE would have emotional/#angry outbursts at HER though) (allegedly he’s acknowledged to her that the cheating never happened too) and 2. this is obviously making me#mentally rehash everything again. i feel so bad for his current girlfriend and also for the person i ‘’stole’’ him from though i really hesi#tate to blame myself after hearing about his patterns. first of all he wouldve done this with anyone who was vulnerable around him and secon#d i was the only reason he was at all honest with them. he was fully planning to gaslight this ex and me and his dad had to convince him not#to. they look like theyre happy now and im very happy for them over that. oh my god that man was evil he told me for WEEKS about every time#his then partner had talked shit about me while i made clear that i didnt care and wasnt very interested but he kept going. god i cant belie#ve this was my life a year ago.#the one thing i can say is that i out freaked him because throughout our short relationship i made him so insecure that a week after i told#to never speak to me again he called me asking if he really was ugly.#I CANNOT BELIEVE I HAD TO TEND TO A GROWN MAN WHILE LANA DEL REY WAS RIGHT THERE BECAUSE HE WAS SO OPPOSED TO BEING AROUND HER. LANAAAA#times like these i get so mad i dont know what to do but ultimately remembering that he has not achieved any of his goals because he refuses#to face himself really helps me. god man IVE achieved some of his goals and i wasnt even trying to#a really awful part of all of this was all of the friends who knew him taking his side. because they didnt know him well enough to know what#he was actually like.#i was talking to my ex friend of four years and she was like not to blame you but he was probably really vulnerable from his time with [ex p#rior to me]’’ because he’s been going around alleging that that ex was abusive. and she was implying i took advantage of him. so i had to go#into detail about what an awful awful person he was and the sort of state i was in when this relationship took place. hannah lee you are#not seeing your little jehovah’s witness heaven.#anyways redirecting this energy im very happy with the way my life is and the way i am now. and im grateful for it i would not have ever bee#n able to imagine having the sort of peace and motivation i feel now. life feels like it can and will change for the better and it keeps pro#ving that right all the time#it just hurts sometimes having that as my first experience and not even being able to vocalize what was wrong bc i just didnt know hurts#oh i forgot one of his besties can see my account bc we’re sort of mutuals. i doubt he’s looking he did the whole unfollowing the ex bc she’#s allegedly amoral thing after the breakup but if he is hi isaac#he did on rare occasion show me selfless kindness but ultimately your best friend is a creep. i don’t want to be involved with anyone from#our school but I hope you know this and I hope you’re proud
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shortnsweetgf · 8 months
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#cant sleep bc im thinking so many thoughts#hiding in the tags#i think im finally over her?#like today and the last time we hung out i didnt Feel it anymore#and its not like i dont love her anymore i really really do but now its in a best friend way only i think?#the Feeling wasnt there which i guess its a good thing#and like yeah maybe its the depression maybe im just not feeling anything rn but also like#thats why she broke up with me and even when her depression got better she never got back to Feeling it?#and last time My depression was bad i wouldnt feel anything at all except when we hung out#so it feels different now#not necessarily a bad different just Different#but im so fucking scared of losing her#like im so scared of when she starts dating again#and yes ive been thinking of dating again im desperate for a girlfriend#but shes the one who broke up with me and shes had to deal with this before with Him and she didnt feel bad#but when we started dating He felt bad so like. i get him#and im so scared of never getting into a relationship again bc she’ll Always have a part of my heart like even if i dont Feel it anymore#she’ll always be number one for me#and im scared ill never let myself love anyone else bc i wouldnt think its fair to them bc of her#and idk.#i really dont wanna lose her she means so much to me#and im so comfortable around her in a way that im not with anyone else#idk where im going with this#sometimes i really fucking hate being aroace#and not being able to tell the difference between different feelings#:(#whatever
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orcelito · 6 months
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I've been following that AITA blog for a bit now and it has me thinking about my own life situations with conflict and drama. A passive "do I have anything I could submit to that blog?" But upon thinking about it, it's like... I really find no value in asking strangers whether I'm "the asshole" in situations. There are situations where I'm clearly not at fault, situations where I was a little shit but it was justified, and at least one situation where I have a definite "Oh yeah, I was definitely the asshole there". All in the past, so it's not like I'd even need advice or anything. I already know, so what's the point?
Maybe it stems from me being a generally self-aware and self-confident kind of person. I know what's going on with myself, know when I've wronged people, & I have a mentality of "well, I'll try to not do that in the future." Even if I feel a little guilty thinking back, what's the point of asking after something when I know I'm at fault? Or situations where things were complicated and both people had fault in things, but I know I wasn't being shitty on purpose & that's what matters to me. Ultimately, it results in a bunch of strangers drawing conclusions about things I really don't care about outside input on.
Still love reading the blog tho. There's something about reading up on random people's life drama that satisfies that gossipmonger soul in me So well.
#speculation nation#i think the most blatantly YTA thing id get is when i ghosted that guy i was seeing back when i was 20 or so#wasnt ever actually dating but i made it sound like i would. very much led him on.#then realized i just wasnt into cishet guys At All and dropped him out of nowhere bc i was 20 and didnt know how to deal with feelings#objectively it was a pretty awful thing for me to do. and i feel bad that i did it.#have i ever tried to reach out and apologize tho? no lmao#it happened so long ago now i feel like itd bring more animosity than relief anyways.#id like to think ive learned from it tho. Dont Date People Just For The Hell Of It.#god it rly is my romantic history where im the biggest asshole. my prior girlfriend too#i do feel bad about that. i never meant to hurt her but that sure is what i did.#it was better to break it off when i did. wouldve been better had i did it earlier but oh well.#then as a teenager and my whole fucked up romance life then...#but NO LONGER!!!!!!!! hopefully lol. im rly into my current girlfriend and after my last one ive been dedicated to. not do that again.#cant date people just because im bored. that's never ended well for me.#i learned my lesson this time for SURE!!!!!#anyways yea id say more constently id be The Asshole in these situations. but im only human man it happens.#other situations it's usually just fucked up situations with me being a toxic little shit in response bc it's all i knew.#idk. community voting doesnt matter to me. learning from my prior mistakes and shortcomings is what matters to me.#it's interesting to see the blog tho. people are insecure about some of the most trivial things sometimes...
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girlwinner · 1 year
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lifeblogging begins....girl asked me out today AND i don't knowhow to tell her no 😭
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ravioliwings · 8 months
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nothing has made me want to quit my job more than happiness outside of it
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I understand why other aro and/or ace people are uninterested in romance or sex in fiction but being aromantic myself I think its part of why Im so into romance. I just think its sweet!!! I dont really get it but its sweet!!!
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silhouettecrow · 1 year
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365 Days of Writing Prompts: Day 274
Adjective: Deceptive
Noun: Spiral
Definitions for those who need/want them:
Deceptive: giving an appearance or impression different from the true one, or misleading
Spiral: a spiral curve, shape, or pattern; a spiral spring; (astronomy) short for spiral galaxy; a progressive rise or fall of prices, wages, etc., each responding to an upward or downward stimulus provided by a previous one; a process of deterioration through the continuous increase or decrease of a specified feature; (American football) a pass or kick that moves smoothly through the air while spinning on its long axis
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caffeinatedopossum · 2 years
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I get so incredibly triggered everytime I break something
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horrorwebs · 1 year
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in thinking a lot about someone im thinking a lot about someone oh god no dont do this again youre gonna ruin it im thinking a lot about someone
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gideon knew nona was alecto from the start right??? was part of her shock after the kiss seeing her own eyes in harrow’s face???? gideon was standing right there when mercy said “Your child... Alecto’s eyes” so she knows all that like she HAD to have figured out nona immediately. ALSO did harrow not realize alecto had gideon’s eyes in the epilogue??? or during the sixth months where she was in hell or wherever did she piece together what she was already starting to subconsciously realize (according to tazmuir - i forget which interview though) re: the AUs hinting at gideon’s parentage because do you really think a harrow who was unaware that gideon is the daughter of god would not absolutely freeze up and/or faint at THE BODY IN THE TOMB having GIDEON’S eyes????
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dirt-str1der · 2 years
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One last post because this has literally been keeping me up but it haunts me how ice cold kiryu is. The man is like a fucking robot , like yeah he is the warm and compassionate protagonist of our beloved like a yakuza series who loves to help people and adores his nine kids but he gives zero shits about consequences as long as they all fall onto his shoulders and is a huge fan of abandoning everybody who has ever loved him because he cant just Not have his cake and eat it , he also has to fake his death and run away from it
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atenceladusiaawfytbwb · 2 months
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🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣Unflowologing a lot of creators that turned out, I despised them, and or slightly inconvenience me, but mostly that, you know omg🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣 🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🔈🔊🔉🔉🔉🔉🔉🔊🔊🔊🔊And I share this because I'm currently hot angry,
and right, ironically and as joke sure, but also seriously, heartfully, I'll share what I think
I myself create a little, somewhere else, and is small, tiny, but I do like what I do and treasure it. Still can't imagine the level of disgust some get to feel against those who don't experience/enjoy/interact a certain way with it. Maybe I've just havent done something myself that I love so much, and put so much work into, that I turn into "ugh you don't have the right - block me if you don't like it not my problem- if you like but don't reblog you are literal thrash - some of you are so entitled to my work - didnt ask for you opinionnsonyou can go f urself and i may have reacted completely different to other interactions like yours positively with the only diference that what was told appealed to my very own perspective but that has nothing to do with the way im being mean and smug to you because the problem is that what you just said is objectively dumb and I cant believe you hadnt guessef id react negatively and that doubles my disgust towards you and i better never hear you enjoy anything made by me because I, a pixel on the web, condemn thy, another pixel on the web to never have acsses to my works publiced here, publicly and freely, on the internet. And you better do as I say, or what? Are that much more of a disgusting person-" Que finding other unrelated stuff (truk6 unrelated like wtf) to add on to why this one (person b/anon/fan/anyone) is very wrong and therefore this other one (person a/creator/anyone) is right, superior even, Que too that if public other people (unrelated too) have to show that much despise towards B or they are disgusting enablers supporters idk
And it is quite specific, I know, but it has happened enough times with different people/situations to be a thing.
Like an anon hey could I (something. Not mean or entitled (no, not related to ai use at all (obviously?))) And oh boy the answer. Oh boy, like: oh so you think that you can (a bunch of awful stuff the one asked got out of their ass bc was nowhere on the ask/comment) the audacity, omg wtf, the nerve- and the revlogs are of other people tagging stuff like ph yeah I can't believe it like the mental problems this annon must have'
I have a decent social understanding, I think? No, there wasn't condescending undertones or something to read between lines, unless you want to, because then you can do that about anything. Giiiirl like ioiiffffffoooofff I got ooooofff wtf fuck is so wrong with them bitch just called them stupid or dumb and move on? A paragraph on why bdjshdhdhdhfhd I can't write anymore idk fucking fuck fuck FUCHCFUCKFU K SGU K SHIT BITCH FUCK
#atenceladusiaawfytbwb me be saying 🤠🧐#sonangy jdhdhfbbdbdhddv u cant fucking write on the fuckin g phone fucking fuck hate everyone uuuu go to fucking å#And onc3 again because im a yapper and know what usual tumblr user thinks and i just for some#reason want people to know just so they know idk maybe everithing i do is destructive#and i want to rage bait but i do hearltully thi k#i love ai technology and stuff and yes fuck generative ai and all that#but ai as the thing as the machine learning as the fractal as the shorcut to everything it fucking rules bitch like omg love it#And one day ill have something i care for so so much ill pull hate out of my ass just to#fight and even try to embarras strangers idk ill be the clown then idk#so much real condescending hateful smug destructive criticism out there and#you chose to purposefully very purposefully and withball your might to misinterpret and take things the absolutely worst way posible#no need for imaginary enemies girl#but no go ahead and pick the random “innocent” ones i mean look at me#talking all alone tobmyself because i wasnt done but inhad moved to tags already and uuuu here i am#by this point im calmer yes#but i gotta say i took it personal you know like in highschol whenbid reach a popular (mean) girl and#be treated like i went to them looking for a fight when if anything inlooked for a lil approval but then#theyd teach me or humble me and it was so fucked so obviously their super pathetic stunt of ugh check me#getting thisnother gir in check ??? when i was like hey can i borrow your pen or something#and then very cliche the populat one with her clique would go oh so uh omg you think you have the right#to demand something from me dont you se there is people out there with real problems and jesus say (yes it would be that random and#that out of place because thats how they didi it and how its done) you shouldnmeditate about your actions and next time#you talk to my or my girlfriends i will denounce you to the authorities and- meanwhile i just stansing there 😐 JUST ASKED FOR A PEN WTF WTF#and writing that i remembered even more other awful stuff where i ughhhhhhhhhhh guacala guacala no no no#anyway personal just personal it was all a personal afligation if mine still am gonna gelll overpowerful while unfolowing because hehehhe
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apple-os · 5 months
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if one more thing goes wrong im fucking gone this is not a joke anymore
this is mostly a joke for the record
ive been having so many problems it's literally unfair why can I not just be HAPPY
every effort I make means nothing
every effort towards mine or others happiness literally means jack fucking shit like it's literally just pointless I don't even know why I try
i always end up feeling like
nobody loves me and I'm gonna end up alone or in an early grave or both
and that maybe that's for the best
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