#but the shell is also seen in the fading between

[wonderholegifs]

Collecting useless bullshit

[happysparklingshadows]

A Certain Hunger (6/?)

Chapter 5 ✿ Chapter 7

Summary: Passion and fear go hand in hand. You find yourself stuck between a rock and a hard place; you might as well enjoy yourself while you're here. Playing games and playing with fingers distract you from the looming dread that everyone and everything is falling apart. Your adult self is slipping back into old habits and fears, rediscovering how she used to listen through the trees.

Pairing: Surviving!Poly! Yellowjackets x reader (slow burn)

Warnings: Smut (18+), Angst, loss of virginity, the reader has sex against a tree after her weird trippy episode in the last chapter, Natalie finally puts the moves on the reader, Lowkey period sex but its chill, Natalie is a messy toxic 90s bisexual who is still figuring it out, Mentions of menstrual cycle, Mentions of stalking, the 90s setting with the views of the time, internalized homophobia, Mentions of body and body weight, the occult, and possession.

Word count: 18k (the longest so far and I am sorry if that is a turn off!)

Notes: Happy Season 3 premiere!! The title of the French chapter, "Friends on the Other Side," is for anyone who is wondering! All French will have translations at the bottom of the chapter. Happy to use my one year of college French for good use! I also have put this series on wattpad and Ao3, and made a playlist for this story if you wanted to check it out.

❀ A03 ❀ wattpad ❀ spotify playlist  ❀

‘96

🎵 This is how we do it 🎵

“One, two, one, two, three, four!”  Mari yells out with her fingers matching her words over the music. Everyone around you starts to jump and dance to the music, appreciating the little music you have heard in the last few months. 

🎵 This is how we do it  🎵

“Running Man, Running Man!” You all say as you wave your hands above your head to dance to the song from the MTV video. 

“Bart Simpson, Bart Simpson!” You stepped back as some of the girls stepped forward, smiles and giggles dancing around the air as you joyfully sang to Montell Jordan. You barely even notice the pinch in your neck as you giggle. Your eyes met with Misty, who meekly stood in the doorway and swayed to the music, too scared to join in but watched on. You all step back to the wall, bump into Laura Lee, and giggle, grabbing her hand that was reaching for yours with a shared laugh. 

“And Javi! Javi!” Mari giggles as she pulls the thirteen-year-old into the center to dance for everyone. You whistled to him with the others, encouraging him to dance. Seeing the shy kid come out of his shell a bit was sweet. This is the most you have seen him interact with the group, and it made your smile grow on your cheeks. 

“Designated driver, take the keys to my truck.” All of you sing and whip your hands outstretched in front of yourselves, like you were driving a car. “Hit the shore ‘cause I’m faded.” you all continued as you ran a hand over your eyes to cover them, turning to someone side yourselves. “Honey’s in the street say, “Monty, yo, we made it.” 

You gave up singing along as everyone took to their own rhythm and moved their bodies freely, your arms flailing above your head as you swayed your hips around. “It feels so good in my hood tonight. The summertime skirts and the guys in kani, All the gang bangers forgot about the drive-by-” 

The music weakly tries to continue but dies pathetically in the middle of the song. Everyone stilled in disappointment as Van walked to the walkman with a grumbled damn it. 

The room filled with panting of the girls, yours being one of them, as you felt your chest heave, breathe in like a suffocating person, “What happened?” Jackie asked Van from beside you. 

“I don’t know,” Van grumbles again, frustrated about the death of her beloved Walkman as she slaps the box. “Oh, no. Has hitting something ever fixed it?” 

“M-Maybe try blowing on it?” Mari says, coming closer to the girls and circling the box. 

Creak. Creaaakk.   

“The fuck is that?” Mari asks the group. 

“Hey, you heard it too?” Lottie asks the group quietly as she looks around the room, 

“It was probably just a branch.” Taissa reasoned, unimpressed, with her hands on her hips, stoic as ever. 

“Inside, on the floor?” Mari asked her with wide eyes. She was floored by any explanation other than a ghost. “What if it’s... him?”

“What, the dead guy?” Shauna asked with a raised eyebrow. 

“Um, yeah,” Mari grumbled. 

“You know what it probably was? The dead guy’s missing fingers trying to crawl their way home.” Natalie smirked as she spoke, trying to scare everyone mischievously. Akilah slaps Natalie’s chest at the joke. Everyone jeers on at Natalie and some tell her to shut up for even joking. You laughed at her joke even though you shouldn’t, you couldn’t help it. 

“You really have to encourage them?” Taissa sighs. 

“You got to admit, it didn’t sound like it was on the roof.” Akilah says to Taissa with a worried wrinkle on her brow. 

Jackie reasoned, “Fine, then it was a rat, or a raccoon, or something. I don’t know, it-.” 

“Shh!” Lottie interrupted, looking up to the ceiling, trying to listen in on whatever was up in the attic. 

“Oh my god.” Taissa completely deflates her arms and turns to her makeshift bed shoved into the corner 

“Shh. Listen, " Lottie says, focusing on what she hears.

 You all wait for something to happen, but nothing does. 

“Well, I don’t hear it now.” Mari broke the silence.  

“See?’ Taissa jeered with a smirk, she laid her blanket on the ground. 

“Alright. Alright. You know what I think it was? I think the ghost decided it was time to get some sleep. And we should probably do the same, yeah?” Coach Ben reasons. 

Everyone whined and booed at Coach Ben, but everyone started to lay out their beds on the floor. Some were whispering in the corner of the room like Misty and Krystal about the ghost upstairs, but the cabin's ground floor came to a lull and was peacefu when everyone fell asleep.

You lay down, sandwiched between Jackie and Shauna, staring up at the ceiling. 

Your period was heavy this month for some reason. Your cycle has been all messed up since the crash, and it was beginning to become normal again. Your first month in the woods, you were so anxious for when your period would start, only for it never to come as the others all started around you. You and Shauna both snickered at the blessing of not having your periods before getting rescued. The next one was surprisingly light and quick, only lasting three days, it was a dark pink and watery red spotting, but as you lay in your makeshift bed, you were on the fifth day of heavy, deep red. It was your first real period in the woods, and your body made sure you paid the price for having some peace in your womb by giving you extremely painful cramps and nausea that would sneak up on you in the hot August sun.  You used 6 of the makeshift pads yesterday and felt embarrassed, especially because you had to make a new one almost every time you needed a new one. The makeshift pads were made from shirts and stuffing from one of Travis’s orange puffer jackets, which he packed and offered up instead of Laura Lee’s bear. When everyone was having a discussion, and the girls talked about how they were going to make the pads, everyone looked over to the brown bear lying on Laura’s blanket. Travis offered his coat, saying his mom made him pack the stupid coat that he never wore and might be best used for stuffing our pads. It shocked you. You didn’t realize he had the ability to have empath after all his assholey comments, but it was making you see the guy in a better light slowly. But after he offered it, he demanded never to be informed about our periods again and stormed out of the cabin while Ben chuckled and Javi was mortified. Thankfully, it seemed to mellow out within the last day, and you were hoping your period would completely calm down before tomorrow. 

The cabin's ceiling had dust stains and caked-on cobwebs that had been built upon themselves for years stare back down at your tiredness. Your legs twitched under your blanket, you felt your heart pounding in your chest somehow. Your mind was numb and thoughtless as you felt the fuzzy fabric of your mother's handmade blanket caress your legs. The hours went by with no sleep in sight for you. You sat up quietly and looked around at the others to see if anyone was still awake. You couldn’t find anyone as you tried to stand up without a sound, you crept to the door and to the pile of shoes everyone had left. You slipped on your shoes and hugged your blanket around your shoulders.

You open the door a little to sliver so it won’t groan, and so you won’t wake the others. After you slip through the crack, you close it behind you. The cold summer air hits you first as you start walking aimlessly. 

It was dangerous. It was dark, and you got confused last time. 

At least, that's what you like to believe and what others think as well. They believed you were dehydrated and got confused, and they decided it was no longer okay for you to go out on your own because they believed that your weight loss could be the main reason. You wanted to fight back against them, but you were two sizes smaller than before the crash almost four months ago, and it concerned Jackie and Shauna the most. But, something within you couldn’t fully believe it was just because of you. You are the smartest student at your school, scored the highest on the ACT, and were supposed to go to NYU in September. And somehow, the others look to you for guidance in the wilderness like a leader. You knew you were of sound mind, and you wouldn’t have imagined a tree creature watching you, or not noticing a significant amount of hours passing. It was something else. 

You didn’t want to think about the tree woman again, you didn’t want to think that day even happened. You made sure to skip that day in your journal. As you have for most days after that scary one, except to log your period and take notes of the food everyone got in the day. You felt depressed as your period came with an almost bored feeling lording over your head all day. 

You continue to walk on, you decide to turn left at the fork in the path towards the poop bucket cliff, and you hear the tree whistle beside you. It was calming you down. You didn’t feel the fear of the forest anymore because you hadn’t seen the creature yet, and you hadn’t felt the energy that you had that day either since. 

It became your escape once again. Away from the others momentarily and to feel your feelings away from your friends' prying eyes. You loved your friends, the first- and second-year students, and their coach over the time you have been out here, but they can be overwhelming with their questions and concerns. You knew they couldn’t help that they didn’t have wilderness survival drilled into their heads since they were kids, and they couldn’t help being nervous about the things they didn’t understand. But you wanted to sometimes scream at their immaturity and recklessness. 

The chill in the air woke you up as you came closer to the bluff cliff of the mountain, and looked up to the sky. You look down at your feet anxiously, thinking you might fall over even though you stood 6 feet away from the drop-off, and you sit down on a smooth rock you had become fond of when you had poop duty. The rock was at the base of a tree and was big enough to be a seat. 

You look up at the clear night sky, littered with stars and a full moon lighting up the night. You take a deep breath of the clean, crisp air, a breeze from the top of the mountain. You can hear the whole forest where you sit, and it makes you feel so peaceful and safe. The water from the lake, the feet of small animals crawling up the trees, the berries and leaves dancing in the bushes, and the branches breathing beside you. 

You couldn’t help but grasp the fuzzy blanket closer as the thought of your mom came to mind. Your lip pursed, but no tears came to your eyes. “I hope Mom is looking at this moon. She would love how bright it is, " you thought as you relaxed more on the cold rock. “Dad would love the view… Dad would be proud of me, I think. I have gone good so far.” 

A smile came to your lips as you knew what you thought was right. You have done well as a group so far, and it was all thanks to your father. You knew that you would be thanking him so much if you were saved. 

If you were saved.

It grossed you out to even think about the possibility you all wouldn’t be found in time. The cold breezes of the summer make you think of the colder and harsher months ahead when food will become rare. What if you all starve to death, get the flu and die from lack of vitamins, or fall asleep without a fire in the fireplace on accident? You had to push those thoughts to the back of your mind for later days, as for now, you try to relax on your rock. Hoping that maybe tonight was the night a plane or helicopter would fly by. 

You look up to the clear sky at the stars that shine for what seems like only for you. The moon was almost half the sky from your angle on the mountain. It was like looking at the proof of a god because nothing could just be that beautiful and serene. 

Snap!

You turn your head to the side and see Taissa standing there with a blank expression, which startles you. 

“Oh! Taiss-” 

“Find her,” Taissa rasped, her eyes staring past yours. Her voice didn’t seem like her own as she stepped closer. Under the moonlight, her eyes almost looked red. 

“What?” You asked as you stood up from the rock, a little scared at how quickly she approached you. 

“Find her,” she repeated as a smile started to curl on the corners of her lips

“Taissa? What are you saying? Why are you here?” You sternly said as you stepped back out of confusion, why was she here? How did she know you were here? 

“Uh—” Taissa blinks, and slowly, her face becomes hers again. She rubs her eyes. “I don’t—sorry, I am half asleep. I saw you weren’t in the cabin and got worried.” 

“Oh—” you say as you look over her in concern. It doesn’t make sense why she would know you were here. “Oh, okay! It’s okay! I couldn’t sleep.” 

“Sorry, I don’t know. I fell asleep while I was looking for you! That was crazy!” Taissa chuckled, pulling her hand out to lead you back to the cabin. “Let’s go back to bed. It’s cold out here,” she added. There was dirt caked underneath her fingernails and her cuticles, it made you pause before you took her hand. But you took it so as not to cause a scene, just wanting to leave the situation and get back to your bed. 

“Okay, let’s go to bed. I’m exhausted,” you sigh as you look at Taissa. You can’t help but ask, “How did you know I was here?” 

“I hear you.” 

“I didn’t do anything.” 

“I don’t know. I heard you breathing,” Taissa said as she looked down at her shoes, not even knowing her answer and how she knew you were there. 

You didn’t notice the symbol carved on the back of the tree, on the opposite side of where you were leaning your back, dripped sap onto the ground as you walked past it. 

You woke up later than normal today as the sunlight shined right into your eyes. The others must have given you a break. You give yourself a moment of peace as you stare at the ceiling. Your body felt achy and unwell, your inner thighs sticky and wet with sweat, and you softly became aware of the dull pain coming from deep in your stomach. When you finally pulled yourself from the ground and stood up, you noticed the only other person still lying down was Jackie. People would have tried to wake her up, but she had lied back down. “Lazy Jackie,” you think to yourself as you loom over Jackie’s lying body on the ground. You couldn’t help but chuckle, softly lift your leg, and shake her shoulder with your foot. 

“Jackie.” You say to her like a lure, only to have Jackie groan in response and not move. “Come on, wake up.” 

Jackie cuddles her blanket to her shoulders and groans, “I’m so cold.”

You look down at her with an unimpressed purse of your lips, and she rolls onto her back with a grimace of pain, “I have cramps.” 

“No, duh, Jackie. We’re all cramping; we’re all synced up, and Mari has Endo, so you don’t have any excuses, princess.” You say as you kick her shoulder again, and she groans loudly again. But she reluctantly sits up as you watch her. She yawns. You pat her shoulder and smile, “Shouldn’t be too much work today, just keeping up.” 

You and Jackie get dressed for the day, and she comments on how the two of you should match, to which you agree wholeheartedly. Jackie and you were as close as you used to be in the wilderness. Jackie would always find her way back to you in the forest fishing to sit and talk.��

Despite the circumstances, you were so relieved to know Jackie still sees you as her sandbox friend as you did, and even more so now than ever have the two of you relied on each other with Shauna. 

Your overpacking for the trip was such a blessing in disguise, and your body insecurity, making you have many changes of clothes, benefited you by having almost a new pair of clothes every day. But it always bit you in the ass when it was your time to do laundry, and you had to carry all your weight clothes on an incline—multiple times. 

“Hey, do you want to wear your blue shirt? Match with me?” Jackie says as she starts to button up her blue and white-striped button-up. She looks at the blue shirt you wore yesterday, lying on top of your luggage or, lately, your dresser, and then over to you as you pull your pajamas over your head. 

“I can’t. It’s dirty. I only have my butterfly shirt and my cardigan clean, " you replied, shaking your head softly. Then, you pulled your shorts off your legs. 

“Why are you wearing a cardigan? It’s like 100 degrees outside.” Jackie snickered as she struggled with a button, looking at you humorously. 

You felt a small wave of insecurity come over you. You had a habit of wearing long sleeves to hide your arms. You didn’t like the idea that someone could see your chubby arm jiggle when you simply grabbed something, but you were sweating like a pig because it was 100 degrees outside. “I don’t like my arms, " you answered your best friend as you looked at your feet for a second out of embarrassment. You continue to pull up your jean shorts from your ankles as you wrap the belt around your waist. 

Jackie didn’t say anything for a moment as she looked you over softly with her buggy brown eyes, and she always hated when you put yourself down for being fat but she wasn’t going to disagree when it was about your feelings about your body. She was always mindful about that.

“I don’t see why you have to overheat; you have limps on the side of your body like everyone else. But the sweater is cute, so I will let off easy this one time for not matching with me this one time, okay.”

You just shake your head jokingly and narrow your eyes, “Other people have arms too?” 

She rolls her eyes at you as she finally finishes her shirt. “Oh, haha. You know what I was trying to say.”

“Yeah, whatever.” You giggle as you nudge Jackie’s shoulder, and she returns the giggle with you as you both leave the cabin.

You were stopped by Alilah making a makeshift pad. She sits infront of the fire with the hunting knife in her hands, two of your big pots hang from their hooks on the fireplace crane. 

“Hey!” Alilah says with a smile sent both of your ways, pointing the knife to the two pots, one an orangeish brown and the other a deep red, “Bloody Soldiers on the left and breakfast on the right, okay! Don’t mess them up, like Travis did.” Aliliah finished by turning her head to the boy behind her eating his breakfast. 

“Okay, you guys are disgusting. I’m-” Travis cringed, getting up from his tree trunk. 

“Shut up,” Aliliah replied softly with a chuckling shake of her head. 

“Yeah, shut up, dork. You’re the one who wanted to eat the red one, " you say to Travis with a soft eye roll. You were growing to not hate the guy, but he somehow still got on your nerves. 

“Whatever.” Travis says as he storms off to the cabin, passing by you. You felt the wind swirl from his movements away from your standing body. 

You smile at Alilah and the other girls; Mari stops Jackie beside you, thrusting a bucket in her hands. “How about getting some more water? Breakfast isn’t going anywhere.” 

Jackie stood stunned by Mari and looked on with an open mouth. She looked over to you for an answer. You felt satisfied that Jackie had finally been called out for not helping out, but you didn’t like the feeling of her sad brown eyes looking at you. 

“Okay, a little bitchy Mari, but yeah, Jackie, go get some water and your morning walk in.” You say it with a smile, sending Mari a sharp look but a smile to Jackie. “You can help Laura Lee with laundry today and get your feet in the water.” You offered Jackie with a soft voice to lure her into trying it out.  

“Okay,” Jackie grumbled, a pout on her lips as she walked away towards the lake. 

You felt yourself pause at the fact that Jackie wasn’t pulling her own weight, as she hasn’t your whole friendship, and that she is becoming increasingly lazy as the days drag on. You didn’t want to act like you were doing favoritism and make the others jealous, but you couldn’t bring yourself to scold Jackie, at least on your own. You look down to see Shauna staring off where Jackie walked away from, and her eyes slowly traveling to yours. Your eyes communicated the same thing; something needed to be said before it became a bigger problem. 

“Here,” Shauna mumbled as she handed you her mug of water. You took a big gulp of it without question. The summer heat was getting to you already this early in the day, and you panted softly as you took the mug from your lips. 

“Thank you, Shauna.” You cheer down to her with a smile, then turn to the others around the cabin doing odd jobs like cutting the firewood, eating, or hanging clothes on the clothing line. 

“Hey Guys! Good Morning!” You say out to everyone with a big wave of your hand. You look over to everyone, giving you their complete attention. Misty is already raising her hand to ask a question. “Cleaners and Cooks, you are off the hook today! Um, if you have any time, try to find some mud or clay to patch up the crack in the window! And cooks, keep smoking out the jerky; it needs to be completely dry before we can eat it!” 

“(Y/n)?” Misty asks politely as she lightly lowers her hand as your eyes meet hers. 

“Yes, Misty?” 

“I was hoping I could go out and forage today to find some more medicine for our periods, and Ben-” 

There was loud snickering in the corner of Mari, Alilah, and Marlissa, and you looked at them with a sharp eye for a moment. 

“Have something to add, Mari?” 

Mari looks at you with wide eyes for a moment in shock. You would call her out for the second time this morning: “No, but Misty is trying to make a love potion or something!” 

“I am not!” Misty flushes with a deep red on her cheeks, her voice laced with shame and embarrassment. It wasn’t the first time Misty was shut down for her requests or mocked for simply standing around, you have grown tired of the bullying Misty has been put through out here. 

“Okay, so, you're going to make fun of her for trying to find some pain relief while we are all on our periods, Mari?” 

“Well-” 

“You’re going to be real happy when Misty finds something that can smooth out your endometriosis, but you just fine making fun of her in the meantime?” You lecture as you talk with your hands and slap them to your sides as you add, “It’s pointless, why say that?” 

“(Y/n), I wasn’t trying to say anything like that-” 

“Mari. We are all in the same boat. Misty is here with us, and I am happy she is here because all she does is try to help out, as much as anyone else, and she cares. She is the reason some of us are even still alive.” You say to Mari with almost a stoic brow that you felt you had authority over the girls and needed to use it for the team's betterment. Infighting will only cause more unneeded tension. You turn your face from the almost crying Mari, ashamed underclassmen around her, then to Misty.

Misty looks on at you in awe, a creeping smile on her face, awkward, and pushes her glasses closer to her face. The flush on her cheeks didn’t go away with time.

“Misty, do whatever you think is necessary. " You turn your head back to the group, now looking to the ground. “You all will go with her for safety and to build empathy. It seems to be the wilderness skill you all lack.” 

“But-” Mari stammered with a soft pout of disgust on her lips. 

“What?” You ask her softly, you're eyebrow-raising without your control. You could hear a snickering behind you; you knew Van and Shauna were watching you control the underclassmen with amusement. They always remembered you as someone who was too nice, and seeing you talk sternly yet sweetly to the younger girls made them want to laugh. You didn’t stop the snickering from behind you as a smirk softly tried to come to your lips. It was Mari’s own karma. 

“Nothing. Fine.” Mari says as she looks to the ground. 

“Okay, great, happy to get that sorted.” You say with a sigh, your hands on your hips, and you look behind yourself to Shauna and Van, trying not to laugh when your eyes meet their amused ones. “Alright, Natalie and I will go mapping until noon. Then, Natalie will go hunting with Travis. Javi, I want you to go wood cutting with Taissa, and Taissa, I want you to look out for any tracks.” 

Taissa nods her head at you with a smile when your eyes meet. She sits across from Van now as she eats her breakfast gruel.

Laura Lee raises her hand softly, “May I speak?” 

“Of course.” 

“Is anyone going to look at the plane? You know, see if it could work. Or use the radio to communicate with someone to rescue us.” 

You pale slightly at the thought of returning to the old passenger plane. You said, “I don’t know if it’s safe, but if you felt like you needed to check, go for it. Please don’t try to start it or go inside of it too much. Read the book if you want.”

Laura Lee smiled and nodded her head, “Already on it.” 

You smile back, “Okay, just don’t hurt yourself.” 

“God willing.” Laura Lee agreed with an earnestness that made you smile more. 

“Okay. Alright, is there anything else? Except mending clothes and cleaning our rags?” You ask the group as Jackie struggles behind you with the bucket full of water. No one had anything else to add so the morning announcement ending unceremoniously.

“Fuck.” Jackie gasped from behind you as she leaned over the bucket. Van and Taissa share sharp looks of annoyance at Jackie’s panting, just proving their thoughts about Jackie being lazy. It made you feel bad as you didn’t know what to do. You sent her to do her chores, and she could barely do them. Everyone looked to you to correct her, but you didn’t even know how to confront those thoughts.

Shauna stands up, notices the looks, and comes to Jackie’s on a mission: “Hey, do you need a hand?” 

“No, it’s okay.” Jackie sighed. “I got it.”

Jackie flexed her aching wrist as you approached the conversation with your best friends, “Why are you so chipper? Don’t you have a blood sacrifice between your legs like the rest of us?” Jackie asked Shauna with a soft concern in her eyes as she rubbed her wrist. You turn your head to Shauna with your head tilted a little, and the memory of her not having a period with you the first month comes to mind. 

“Um, I’m late this month,” Shauna replied quickly. “Uh, we were in a plane crash. It’s probably just stress.” 

You nod your head beside Jackie as you accept her response. “I didn’t even have a period our first month, but it came back, it’s kicking my ass now.” 

“Yeah, lucky you’re a virgin or we’d really have to worry.’ Jackie chuckles as she smiles at Shauna and yourself, leaning down to get the bucket. “Anyways, enjoy it while it lasts, I guess. This rag situation is a fucking horror show.”  

“I know! I had to make myself 6 two days ago because I couldn’t stop bleeding. I wanted to die!” You joke to Jackie as she walks to the cabin to put up the water, Jackie laughs with a snort as she struggles away. You turn your head to Shauna to see if she thought it was funny too only to see her staring blankly at Jackie’s back. 

“Hey, you okay, Shauna?” You ask her with your hand coming to her shoulder. 

She tried to smile as pushed your hand away, “Yeah. I just have to get some water.”

She walks away as Van approaches you. You don’t even get to move an inch as Van comes over to you and says, “Hey, can I help you go fishing today? I wanted to give it a try on the pole.” 

You laugh softly, “What? But, yeah okay! You can come whenever you want you don’t have to ask, Van!” 

“Well, I just wanted to make sure you wanted to hang out with me for a while.” 

“Of course, Van, you're my friend.” You smile and touch her arm softly, and you can see Taissa looking at the two of you talking. “I can tell you all my secrets now.” 

“Oh, (Y/n), has secrets? I didn’t think you could keep a secret.” 

“What do you even mean by that?” You question with a smile on your lips and a chuckle in your voice.

“I don’t know, how about when we were smoking in the back of the cabin, and you told everyone you have little stories about Vampires.” 

You blush in embarrassment, “Oh my god, Shut up, please!” 

Van laughs as Taissa walks by you two with five cut logs for firewood. As she passes, she says, “Hey, I just beat your record.”  

“What?” 

“I carried more than four logs of wood!” Taissa stuck her tongue out to you as she snickered. She’s mentioning the logs you were carrying when you found them kissing. 

“Oh, what the fuck ever!” You laugh at everyone and turn your back to walk away to go to the bathroom.   

‘21

You: Callie is home now. But yeah, she slept over my house because she was having some friend drama.  Shauna: Did she tell you what it was about? You: Not really, and to be honest its very petty stuff.  You: Some girl is talking about how Callie is being fake for being nice to her even though she is friends with her boyfriends ex  Shauna: Okay, that makes me feel better but I wished you had called me You: Callie came into the house screaming and upset, and we talked for hours and by time I could call you I knocked out You: I’m old now Shauna: We’re the same age!  You: We’r so old  Shauna: *We’re  You: fuck you Shauna: whatever loser You: Callie picked out my outfit for the romance convention  You: and the reunion You: She found my New York clothes Shauna: Oh she found the good stuff Shauna: You’re going to the reunion? You: Are you? You: I don’t know if I can go if you don’t. I don’t want to be the only one there, you know.  Shauna: Are you going to brunch?

You pause as you read your text. God, it’s almost Jackie’s 43rd birthday. 

You put your phone down on your lap as you sit in the driver's seat of your car. You wanted to text Shauna when you dropped off Callie. You were getting ready to leave after making Callie lunch when you got a call from Misty. You couldn’t help but sigh a little when you saw her call you again, making it about 10 times since you left the car with her—after impulsivity, eating her out in her driver’s seat. You knew she meant well, and she was lonely. She couldn’t help how creepy she came off as.

She told you to meet up with her at Natalie's hotel, which you told her you couldn’t go to because of how tense it was between you two last time. 

Misty asked again, promising it was only to figure out what had happened to Travis. The guilt in your stomach didn’t let you disagree that you owed Travis this, even if you knew there was no killer deep down. It was himself. He couldn’t take it anymore. You couldn’t blame him. You remember how much you hated him at first, and how he grew to be a friend out there in the woods. You remember a lot about him you wish to forget, but some you hold dear. He was gentle when it counted. 

So, You turn towards Natalies, and with your luck, you got there before Misty. You knew you needed to face Natalie again and be honest about how you were far too brutal with her the last time you spoke. 

You kiss your teeth, reapply lip gloss, and slap your mirror shut. You hated it when you were in drama with them. 

You knock on her door politely as you have your emotions under control. 

Natalie opens the door with narrow eyes and sharply asks, “What are you doing here?”

“Misty told me we needed to meet for something related to Travis.” You pause and try to smile at her. Then you ask, “How are you holding up?” 

“Why are you here?” 

You tilt your head and feel confused yourself, “I guess because I want to get answers to what you were right about. And also, because I didn’t like how we last spoke.”

Natalie leaned on her door and looked deeply at you. She knew you were being honest, "Like it always does.” 

You shrug as her words bring back many memories—before the crash, in the woods, and after—good moments and bad. “Well, I will always love you even if I can’t be there for you. I am here now. I want to support you and Travis, " you say to her and smile again. This one came from something deeper in you than just this moment. 

She gives you a smile back. Maybe the cycle you shared with her wasn’t healthy, but none of your relationships were. She opens the door to let you in, and you take a seat on her bed without question.

She just stands there and looks at you with pursed lips like Natalie is trying to find words for you. “I hope you know I get why you did go with Misty. I just didn’t know how to respond to it all.” 

“It’s okay, I was just really testy that day for some reason. I saw my dad and it just- yeah, I’m sorry for being so hurtful but someone was lurking to get you to spill.” 

“You know I can handle myself.” 

“I know. But, I didn’t know if she would be asking about Travis, not the wilderness.” You say to her as you look at your lap and play with your fingers to soothe the small shake. “I didn’t know if you could talk about him with someone looking for answers. I wanted to protect you.” 

“Protect my feelings?” Natalie asked, raising her eyebrow mockingly. “You know where that led you before, (y/n). Be careful.” 

You chuckle darkly with a shake of your head. Fucking bitch. 

“Okay, will do, my queen.” You smirked with your mock back to her. You didn’t need Natalie of all people, to tell you about your habit of overweighing others over yourself. 

There was a knock at the door. It was in Morse code. 

“ I told you we didn’t need a code.” Natalie spat as she opened the hotel door for Misty. 

“I’ve got good news and bad news.” Misty cheers as she hands Natalie a pink present with green tissue on the top. Walking inside of the room. 

“Which one is this?” 

“No, open it,” Misty says. She turns in the motel room, smiles as she sees you sitting on the bed, and waves to you. You think she is excited to be inside Natalie’s room finally. You smile back and wave, telling her you and Natalie are alright now. “It’s an Aroma Diffuser. Ylang-ylang with a hint of gardenia, subtropical florals are very, very uplifting.”

Natalie opens the box as Misty speaks. She looks over the owl diffuser and then at you as you watch the women walk around the room. Misty is indifferent to Natalie opening the present and looks around the room curiously. She opens a little file to see what is inside. “Good to know. What’s the bad news?” 

“Well, uh, my contact can access the files, but he’s a bit of a D-bag.” 

“Who is this person, exactly?” Natalie asked as she looked over Misty’s body. 

“We only know each other by our Citizen Detective chat handles. He’s mad at me because I didn’t tell him it was a police file,” She paused to push up her glasses, “so now he wants to meet in public to ‘discuss’ the terms of the exchange.” 

Natalie looks at you quickly, the two of you share a look for a millisecond as you both process the information. “Oh, we’ll meet all right.” Natalie chuckles. 

“Is that going to work, Nat?” You ask as you loom over Natalie’s crouching figure; she is siphoning gas from a car outside the chinese restaurant. Misty anxiously standing beside you as the both of you try to hide Natalie’s body from onlookers. 

“I mean, most restaurants won’t let you bring in drinks or food or anything." Misty adds as she hands Natalie the mobile coffee cup. As she inserts the tube to fill it, Natalie spits the little that got into her mouth. 

“I don’t know, you tell me, guys.” Natalie says to both of you as she fulls up the cup. “I’ve still got that rifle in the truck.” 

“Well, I don’t know how we’d get that into the restaurant,” Misty asks, disappointed that she hasn't figured out why the gun should be used instead. You pale at the thought of the gun. Natalie sighs. 

The three of you walk into the restaurant with a swayer you haven’t felt in years, maybe since you were a young woman clubbing in New York. The restaurant was lit in red and held tiny lanterns on the ceiling of the place, divers between every table. You find a single man sitting alone at a table. 

You smile as you approach the table and sit beside the man with the cup in your hands. You say in your best sexy voice to the man with a ponytail, “Stallion99?”

“African Gray?” He asks you back as he looks at the two other women across the table. 

“Yeah, that's her.” You point to him carelessly to Misty as you smile wider, his eyes lock into yours and back to Misty, then back to yours and a glance down to your breasts. 

“I’m African gray, " Misty said as she looked at the two of you. You let your hand snake on his shoulder with a soft squeeze. 

“I…” He looked flustered at you, then glanced back at Misty and said, “I didn’t authorize anyone else to come to this meeting.” He whispered to Misty, leaning over the table slightly so she could hear him. Your hand ran to the back of his neck, and you saw the touch-starved goosebumps on his skin prickle. 

“Well, cool out. I can vouch for them.” Misty whispered hissed back to him as she tried to look cool in front of Natalie and yourself. 

“Oh my god. Just tell us what you want.” Natalie sighs as she stares the man down. 

“I want in.” 

You laugh out loud, out of control, looking at him with raised eyebrows and a mocking smirk. It unsettled the man, and the other people in the restaurant, but the two other women looked just as amused.  Who, in their right mind, would want to be with the yellowjackets? 

“On what?” 

“You operation. The stiff in this file, I looked him up, and he doesn’t exist.” 

“No shit, ‘cause he’s dead. And he’s none of your goddamn business. So you should just give us the file to look after it.” Natalie slowly spoke. You knew her threat was deep as you looked over at the man. He’s not taking it seriously. Your finger playfully unscrews the cap of the coffee mug. 

“What’s it worth to you?” 

“You have no idea.” You giggle a little when you slowly pour out the gas onto his crouch, wetting his pants. He reacts quickly, trying to stop the pouring with a grunt, “What the hell?” 

“If the question is, “Is me lighting your dick on fire and going to jail worth me getting my hands on that file’” Natalie says as she pulls out her lighter and lights it without hesitation. She stares him down from across the table with her sharp blue eyes. 

“You guys are fucking crazy! Here!” he pulls a flash drive out of his breast pocket and gives it to Natalie, you pull away from him in the booth. Natalie and Misty quickly get up and start to leave. You do the say and send the man a quick, “Sorry, it’s really important!” as you rush behind the girls—a small giggle in your throat. 

“You should ask that guy out. You two have so much in common,” Natalie chuckles jokingly to Misty. Her eyes find you quickly as you laugh a little with the two women. Misty scoffs beside you two with a shake of her head, and you can’t help but giggle a little at her face.

‘96

You walk peacefully beside Natalie through the greenery, looking up at the leaves above you. Natalie looks down at her shoes as she adjusts the rifle strap. She looks around for tracks, but she is still learning them. 

“Natalie?” you ask as you look at the blonde bottle. You have felt nervous whenever you have been around her lately. You felt your heart beat hard against your chest, and you could feel a little lump form in your throat.

“Yeah?” 

“Have you ever gone camping before all this?”  

Natalie chuckled and shook her head, amused. “With my big happy family, we always go camping at national parks every summer.” She darkly jokes with a rasp you only heard when she was trying to be tough. You felt like she was mocking you a little bit as you felt your eyebrow furrow and realized she was technically talking about you and your family before you could speak. “Shit, sorry, I wasn’t making fun of you, I was trying to joke about my own fucked up family.” 

“I didn’t think you meant it.” You reassure her as you look at her with round eyes, trying not to have her hurt feelings. You felt so better and not offended after seeing Natalie try to fix her fuck up. 

“You don’t have to lie for my sake.” Natalie stops walking and looks at you with hurt eyes. Her blue eyes, looking into yours, melting your heart. 

“I’m not, I just give you the benefit of the doubt, I know you wouldn’t hurt my feelings on purpose. You were just being sarcastic.” You smile again and touch her arm to reassure her that her comment didn’t hurt your feelings deeply.

Natalie looked over your face slowly, as if she couldn’t trust your response. “Why are you so nice? I know I didn’t mean it, but it sounded like I was talking shit about you. You know you can be a bitch to me, right?” 

You chuckle, and a smile grows as you shrug, “Natalie, why would I do that?”

“I don’t know! Just don’t let me walk all over you, it pisses me off.” She says with a raised eyebrow, she just looks over at you in a judgemental way. 

You raise your eyebrow at the energy of her getting cagey with you being kind to her, you let your lips purse as you say to her, “I’m not letting you walk all over me. I am just being a good friend. I know you, Natalie, so you weren’t trying to put me down. Just drop it if you are going to be weird.” 

“You know what? Let's be honest since we’re stuck out here and have all the time in the world. What's the game?” Natalie asked you with narrowed eyes, resting her hand on her hip. She was studying you, and she didn’t trust what she saw. 

“What game?” you ask, offended. “Why are you giving me the fifth degree for asking if you ever went camping?” 

“I’m not. I just don’t know how you can be so nice when there isn’t any reason for it. I don’t trust it.” 

“What the fuck, Natalie?!” You yelled as your eyes widened in shock. You take a step back from her and look her over. What happened to the girl you would flirt with? “I can’t be myself without you acting like I am pretending! I don’t understand-”

“It’s not normal for people to be this kind without getting something it. For, like, the first year of our friendship, I thought you were being fake.” 

You felt your heart sink into your stomach and your throat dry up. You wanted to cry but you were so overwhelmed with how Natalie was talking to you, “I don’t-”

“I’m not trying to be mean, I’m being honest. You’re the kindest person I’ve ever met, and I don’t know if it’s real or if I’m the messed up one for not knowing people could be so nice.” Natalie says, her voice softer as she continues to speak. Her eyes were looking straight into yours, and you wanted to explode with all the emotions going through your body. “I never went camping, by the way. I have slept outside before because my parents locked the doors. I slept outside in my trailer’s shed.”

You paused as you looked at her in sadness. “I didn’t mean to bring up something sad for you.” 

“Almost everything about me is sad compared to you,” Natalie replied, looking at your face softly. You couldn’t describe the air around you two at this moment. 

“I don’t think so.” You mumble out as you take a step back, and your back hits a tree. You keep your eyes locked onto Natalie’s for a moment as you try to think. “I think you’re one of the coolest person here.” 

Natalie smirked softly as she took a step forward. “Oh yeah? Well, I think you’re the prettiest. And the sweetest.” 

You blush at those words and shy away as if trying to understand why she would say that. 

Before you can react, Natalie’s hand cups your cheek to face her again, and she leans down to kiss you against the tree. Her other hand planted against the tree's bark and caged you into the kiss. 

You couldn’t help but let your body answer for you as your hand came to the back of her bottle blonde hair, pushing her closer to your body. 

Your body arches against the tree, and when Natalie lays a hand on your cheek and onto your left breast, a soft moan comes out of your throat out of excitement. Your body delights in her caresses as you let her tongue enter your mouth. 

Her hands softly rub against the fabric of your shirt and bra, and your nipple hardens under her touch. Her fingers knowingly pinch the tent made under her touch as she raspily chuckles, “You like me touching you like this?” 

“Y-yeah.” You stutter as you pull her into another kiss. The hot summer sun made your skin sticky as you touched each other but it didn’t stop your lust from taking over your mind. “I’ve thought about this a million times.” You say in between kisses as you feel Natalie slide her hand down from your breast over your plush stomach, to your pants button. 

Your mind went blind in confusion and passion. You didn’t understand why you two were dry-humping against a tree; nothing you had discussed before made the events happen. Nothing this morning hinted at this possibility. 

You moan loudly as Natalie pushes her hand down your pants and pushes your underwear under her fingers, her fingers gently rubbing in circles on your clit. You groan as you instinctually roll your hips against her touch.  

Natalie shushes you quietly in your ear, her hand gently goes down until her two fingers enter your greedy cunt. She thrust her fingers into you recklessly and viciously. “That’s right, good girl, take it from me.” She whispers darkly into your ear as you try to bite your lip to hold in your screams. 

Ah. Ah. Ah~ 

You couldn’t help yourself as you let your sexual frustrations completely melt away with each delicious thrust, you felt your shirt pulled up to your neck and Natalie’s needy hands recklessly grabbing your bra away from your breast. Her lips attached themselves hungrily to your hardened nipple as she owned it as she harshly sucked onto the tender flesh. 

You let out a muffled scream into your hands as you trembled under her touch, as an orgasm rips through you. Your eyes close tight as your thighs shake violently when Natalie doesn’t relent her thrusting fingers, Natalie chuckles softly as she looks up at your pleasureful face, “Good, good girl, cum on me, that’s right.” She whispers as she rubs her free hand on your thigh, touching the bare flesh in reverence. 

You pant as you slowly look down at her, and you pull her into another kiss. This one felt romantic and blissful, like you had always imagined with Natalie.

You let your hand caress down her shoulder to her chest, until you got to her pants button. You wanted to do to her what she did to you. But as your finger starts to pull her shirt from under her jean shorts, however, her hand softly pushes yours away. 

As you pull away with a smile on your lips, you notice the slight drop in Natalies. 

It made your heart drop. 

“What’s wrong?” You ask as you caress Natalie’s cheek. You leaned against the tree for a moment to support your almost jelly-like legs. 

“I, uh,” Natalie stumbles as she took a step back. She wipes her hand of you, a clear slick with a pink tint to it, on her shorts and looks at the unbuttoned fly of your pants. There was an almost panic in her eyes, “I like Travis.” she blurted out to you. Your high instantly sobering up. 

The air got sucked out of the forest. You felt like you were stabbed in the heart. You wanted to cry. 

You smile, hiding your disappointment and heartbreak as best you can in the moment, you blink slowly as you think, “I-I, uh, I know. I saw you give Travis heart eyes last time you got a deer. Don’t-” You say as you quickly try to button yourself up. “Don’t worry about it! We just got wild, it’s okay. I’m sure guys like Travis like this type of thing!” 

You wanted to vomit. This was wrong. She was supposed to like you. She just fucked you. She took your virginity, and you couldn’t help yourself from getting upset inside. You try to keep your eyes off of her so she doesn’t see how hurt you are. How much this meant to you. 

It broke your heart knowing this was just a hook-up for Natalie. A moment in the woods to forget about: she was just playing with you this whole time. 

“(y/n), I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Natalie tries to say as she comes closer to you but hesitates. 

“I’m okay! It’s all good-” you try to say without your voice breaking, but it fails as you get to the end. You wanted to sob. “I get it! You are straight and like Travis, and I am your gay friend. I’m okay with that.” 

“(y/n), I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just have gotten feelings for Travis since we started hunting and-”

You couldn’t hear another word without wanting to sob. You put on your mask as best you could. 

You straighten out your shirt and tell her with a smile, “It’s okay. I get it. Go to Travis.” You say with as much kindness as you could find. “It was just a little moment between me and you, and he doesn’t have to know. Just go hunting. It’s past noon.” You say as you try to find a way to run away from all of this. You blink a lot, and no tears appear in your dry eyes.

You knew this was going to happen. 

You knew no one really wanted you. 

“Okay…” Natalie said as she started to take a step back. She looked hurt and confused, a mix of emotions that she had caused. “I’ll be back later. See you then.” 

“See you then.” You quickly say as you immediately turn around to walk away. You felt your face twist and your body shake softly as you tried to hold back your cries. You refuse to cry anymore out here. 

It doesn’t take long for your legs to take you back to the cabin, and you feel like something is sitting on your shoulder again. Now, another is attached to your chest. 

You look over at the fire and the two pots. Akilah is cleaning the cooking pot of all the morning's soup, and you see that the period pad pot is unchanged from this morning. As you walk to the camp, a metallic, musky, Ammonia-like odor comes from the pot. 

You wanted to act like nothing had changed, like you were still the same as you were a few hours ago, “Hey, Akilah, we need to clean this pot. It’s fucking gross.” You say as you poke a stick into the pot to pick out the washing pads. You scrunched up your nose. You try to act as nonchalant as possible.

“Sorry, it was so much more heavier than this one,” Akilah says quickly as she comes over to you without a question. The underclassmen were always willing to do what you asked them to do, and you thought it had to be with how you treated them sweetly and comforted them when they cried. You felt like their older sister.

“It’s okay; take the other end, " you say as you point to the handle on the other end. You lift the hot pot from the fireplace, panting a little as you walk towards a berry bush by the cabin.

You both placed the pot over the bush and poured the red water onto the leaves. The dirt below it was wet, drinking up every drop you poured.  

“Why do we even pour this on the bushes? It just seems like extra work.” Akilah whined and panted as the two of you let the pot down for a moment. 

“It helps the berries. The iron helps it-” You pant as you start to pick it back up again, “There will be more berries because of the iron in the blood.”  

As you walk back up to the cabin, holding onto the big pot with Akiliah and looking down at your shoes in almost numbness from everything that happened, you hear Mari screaming from within the cabin. Jackie and Shauna sit at the fireplace, and Laura hangs laundry. They all turn to see the commotion. You and Akilah put the pot off to the side of the fireplace.  

“Get it off, get it off, get it off, get it off!” Mari panics as she runs out the front door. She shakes her shirt so that something can fall out of it. 

You rush over to her with all the other girls circling her. “Hey! Hang on! Hey! What's wrong!” you say to her as you help her pull up her shirt. A memory of lifting Natalie’s shirt comes to mind as you try to push it aside, ashamed, pulling out Mari’s tucked-in shirt.

“I don’t know!” Mari groans as she still twitches and writhes in spot. Akilah comes to the both of you, as does Shauna, as everyone starts to fuss over Mari. “I-I was standing under the trapdoor. But something crawled down my shirt!” 

“I don’t see anything!” You say to Mari as everyone except the hunters starts to circle in on the situation.  

“It’s fine. There’s nothing there, Mari!” Shauna tried to reassure her, with a hand on Mari’s shoulder. 

“There’s nothing there,” Akilah added to it.

Mari slowly calms down as she stares at Shauna in disbelief, “But-” 

“Must have been the ghost.” Taissa dryly stated on the porch, arms crossed and a smirk growing on her lips. 

Mari turns her head sharply at Taissa with fear on her face. You try to rub her shoulder to soothe the fear, but you look over at Taissa with sharp eyes. “Don’t say that!” Mari demanded softly, she was afraid. You know that Mari comes from a superstitious family and believes full-heartedly that the house has a spirit. 

“Wh- You guys!” Jackie comes in with a smile, an eureka face plastered on Jackie’s. She gasps as she jumps into the inner circle, “Okay, you guys, I just had a brainstorm. We should have a Seance.” 

You felt your head unconsciously shake, you didn’t want a seance. You didn’t want to feed the fears of the others and make things harder for you all, someone was already having mental health episodes daily, and you didn’t want them to get worse. But you looked up quickly to see how proud Jackie was of her idea and having a job she could do for everyone, you stopped it before anyone could see. Fuck. You thought. I’ll just do whatever Jackie wants. 

Taissa and Van laugh at first, then look at Jackie in disbelief. “That’s a terrible idea. Also, we’re not in middle school.” 

“But remember how fun this shit used to be?” Jackie offered, raising her eyebrows, because she really wanted to do the seance. “Besides, maybe if we can laugh about this, then it would help,” Jackie added. 

“The occult is no laughing matter.” Laura Lee bluntly stated, disapproving of the entire idea. 

“It’s not the occult, Laura Lee. It’s a game. Come on, Shauna, (y/n), tell them. It’ll be fun.” Jackie replies, now insisting that everyone goes along. She looks at both of you as backup, and you both crumble to the pressure of her eyes. 

“Um…” Shauna looks over at everyone and says, “Well, I mean, it’s not like we have anything better to do. And maybe this dead guy can give us some life advice.” She says as she looks over to Van and Tai. Both laugh and nod their head, “Okay.” Van relented. 

“So, it’s settled. Tonight, the attic.” She says as she points to everyone, now amused by the situation. “We make contact.” 

Everyone giggles softly except Laura Lee who looks down angrily. You rub her shoulder and say, “Can you pray for us downstairs while we do it? To protect us if that's what you believe.” 

“I will be praying for everyone’s soul,” Laura Lee says seriously as she walks away in a huff, her hands in surrender. You chuckle softly at her, and the others giggle a little harder at the seriousness of the situation. 

‘21 

Shauna: You’re never going to believe this Shauna: it’s so messed up.  Shauna: I’m a bad mom.  You: Omg what happened?  Shauna: I went to the club with Adam.  You: Why are you still talking to him? Shauna: I DON’T KNOW Shauna: I went out with him because Jeff was gone again and we ran into Callie You: NO You: NO YOU DIDNT  Shauna: yep  Shauna: She was wearing Jackie’s uniform as a costume.  You: WHAT THE FUCK!! SHAUNA!! You: I AM GOING TO GIVE HER HELL NEXT TIME I SEE HER  Shauna: She was on Molly, too.  Shauna: I don’t know what to do anymore. She’s out of control, but so am I. I am just so messed up from her wearing that uniform and brunch tomorrow.  You: I can Imagine. 

You sit on the toilet in Natalie’s hotel room, and you quickly throw away your tampon into the trash can before you flush the toilet. You wash your hands and quickly rejoin the others as they look over the folders worth of papers you had to print at Misty’s house.

You didn’t have much of a stomach to look at the autopsy photos. You wanted to cry when you read that Rosa Martinez picked up his ashes as soon as she could. His mother survived him, and there was no one to survive her. You could only think of her pain of losing everyone in her family, surviving only by memories 25 years ago. You wondered if she ever moved on; if she lived a new life after you all came back. 

“Hey guys, I am ordering Chinese food. Do you want some?” you ask as you leave the bathroom, pulling up the number on your phone. 

“Really? Right now?” Natalie asked you with a look of disbelief, she was looking at his autopsy photos. 

“Yeah, I’m starving. Misty?” 

“Steak fried rice and wonton soup, please.” Misty asked with a smile as she read over the coroner's report. His death was ruled a suicide by asphyxiation with construction equipment. The police of his country didn’t have to look too hard to see that he had changed his name, he was once a part of the yellowjacket plane crash and said that was the reason for his suicide. It was cut and dry. It was honest in your opinion.

“Okay, Natalie, you're getting the same. Are you okay with that?” You ask as you start to diel the chinese place down the road. 

“Yeah, sure.” Natalie dismissively says. 

“Well, You can save it for late when you're hungry then.” 

“Okay, mom.” Natalie sassed as she continued to look at the photos. 

You rolled your eyes as you cheerfully answered the phone. Then, you ordered everyone their food and yourself, adding egg rolls to everyone’s order. 

You smile and sit back on the bed, looking over the papers. You see, there were still more photos and reports on him in the folder. He went to a rehab clinic about 3 years ago, and he went to the hospital the past year for acute bronchitis. You decided to look at the crime scene photos instead, the ones without his body in them. 

You noticed something that raised your eyebrow. A little black smudge was on every single photo. You couldn’t turn your face away from it. It was in all of them. 

“Guys?” You say out loud as you lay out one of the photos for the two other women to see. “What’s that thing? It’s in all of them.” 

You put another photo out that was connected to the other one. 

“What, that smudge?” 

“And here,” Misty whispers beside you, looming over your body a little to look over, her finger pointing to another. “Does that look like wax?” Misty asked.

Then, Misty pulls the photos from your hands and starts to look over the landscape of the photos. She started to line them up perfectly and continued placing the images down one by one. She pulls out a sharpie and starts to connect the smudges. 

Natalie and you stand behind her just watching as Misty work her magic, and she intensely focuses as she lines the marks together. 

First, there is the circle, then a triangle, with two arms off to the side, one short on the left and the other all the way through the triangle, and then the hook at the bottom. 

You wanted to vomit. 

“This is bad.” Natalie says anxiously beside you, swaying, arms crossed. “This is so wrong. Travis didn’t believe in any of this shit.” 

You raised an eyebrow at that. You didn’t want to correct Natalie.  

“Then why is it in the place where he died?” Misty asked back blankly. 

“I don’t know, but I promise you, he did not put it there.” 

You wanted to laugh, and you knew he did. You knew Travis very well—not in your later years, but out there. You remembered his prayers and devotion, which made you want to vomit more. 

Knock! Knock! 

You felt a cold wave come over you as the knocks startled your overwhelmed body. You quickly grabbed the money in your pocket and opened the door, trying desperately not to cry, you didn’t want to see that symbol. “Thank you, keep the change.” You say as evenly as you can, but it failed, you close the door before you feel your eyes damn over. 

You turned back to Misty and said, “Sorry, I am still not ready to see that thing sometimes—uah—you know.” Your breathe gaves out as you led your hand over your racing heart. 

Your heart felt excited and terrified. 

Misty comes over to you with wide eyes, taking the food out of your hands, “Are you alright? You’re crying?” 

You didn’t realize your eyes were just rivering tears without you blinking. You haven’t felt this kind of dread since the wilderness. Unconsciously crying, your face stayed the same. Embarrassment comes over you as a rush of darkness curls in your stomach. “I-I-I don’t un-understand-” You studdered out as your breath panicked and tightened at your throat. Natalie then approaches you with a hand on your shoulder, concerned. The two of them have seen you like this before. 

A cold sweat comes over you, and your breathing is shortens more as you heave your chest; an unpleasant tingling engulfs your entire body as you tremble in the corner of the room. Your eyes were blurry from your tears as you were coughing out apologies for crying and acting crazy. 

Misty goes to her purse as you slide down the wall. You hold your chest, and Natalie stays beside you, holding your shoulder and breathing deeply into your face. Your eyes lock together as she tells you through the mental fog, “Breathe. It’s okay.” 

You breathe slowly as you look deeply into her eyes. Misty comes back with a paper lunch bag, and you are so grateful Misty was there. You start breathing in the bag and watching the bag expand with your air, calming you down slowly.

Scrrrrappppeee! Scrrrapppeee!! 

You screamed as the trees outside of Natalie's hotel room scratched the window. You push the two women away and shout. You feel hot tears burning your crazed eyes, “Stop! Stop! I don’t want to hear it!”

Laisse l'obscurité te libérer.

You wail as you hear the voice through the leaves. You have forgotten how to hear the voices in the leaves since you have been back, you knew they were in your head. 

“(Y/n)-” Natalie cupped your cheeks, trying to calm you down as you sob violently, weakening and pushing her off of you. 

“It’s talking to me! Make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!” You sob helplessly into Natalie’s hands as you fall to the floor, pressing your forehead to the ground. “I had a brain tumor- I had enough! There is nothing outside! There is nothing outside! There is nothing outside! It is not here. (y/n) stop, please-” You whisper to yourself as you pathetically cry to the ground, trying to stop the panic attack. 

Laisse l'obscurité te libérer.

The two women standing over you, both have tears from their eyes as they see you age regress. They've seen you panic like this before. They see you wail as you are now. It wasn’t pleasant to see you now as a stable, the most stable in their eyes, adult crying like a child. 

The leaves outside whistle in the wind as the tree knocks on the window. You fearfully sob in your hands on the ground. “I-I’m sorry! I don’t mean to-” 

“It’s okay. It’s okay,” Natalie says behind you as she kneels down and rubs your back. She knows how much the wilderness took from you and how much all of this would weigh on you, but she doesn’t see past it. She knows you will keep pushing on even after this, but she cannot help but pity you now. She pulls you up and hugs you, and Misty quickly jumps in as well. You sob into Natalie’s neck. 

“The leaves won’t stop talking-” 

“They are just leaves. They're not saying anything.” Natalie stated that she was trying to kill the idea before it came closer to her adult life. “We’re home, and we are safe. It is going to storm, and the trees aren’t talking to you.” She sincerely says, knowing that what you experienced in the woods felt real to you. You couldn’t help but believe what you saw and heard from the others, your brain was vulnerable. It still was. 

You tremble as you hug her close, and Misty pets your hair. Misty says, “You’re safe and healthy, the trees are just moving in the wind. I promise, you're safe.” 

You wanted to vomit as you saw the tree in the window sway to the heavy wind like it was waving at you and smiling.

‘96 

Jackie, Shauna, and you all worked on decorating the unused attic to prepare for the seance. Although you didn’t want to help, you knew this meant a lot to Jackie, so you stayed by her side and helped, as you always have in your life. 

“No, no, no. Not like that.” Jackie waved her hand over to Shauna as she was placing down candles. “Put them on the marks that are already here. This symbol thing is totally seance-y.” She says as she places a candle on the mark with a little thud for dramatic effect. 

You chuckle as you shake your head, you pull up a blanket over the mirror in the back of the room. You giggle a little as you pull out some crystals your mom put in your carry-o for good luck. Your mom was really into nature and natural gems, decorating your house with them and putting them in your bags and her own. Your dad had a tigers’ eye necklace just because your mom told him to. Funny enough, you didn’t have a crystal for safe travel, but you did have one for protection so that was fair enough. You placed it in the middle of the circle. 

“Laura Lee will have a seizure if she sees this.” You joke as you look around the room, and Shauna starts to place the candles on the carved marks. 

“Isn’t this kind of, like, a waste of candles?” Shauna says to Jackie, ignoring you. You roll your eyes at the familiar feeling crawling up your back. 

“Not if we’re getting rid of a ghost.” Jackie scoffs, as she shrugs her shoulders. 

You jokingly roll your eyes, “Yeah. Shauna.” You mock as you put up little homemade charms the others made tonight to hang from the ceiling. 

Shauna softly laughs, looking down. “Yeah, whatever.” She does as Jackie says, circling the candles in the places where the craved symbol is on the floor. 

As the two finish up, you pause momentarily and ask Jackie, “Isn’t it a little creepy that we will be in the middle where the mummy was?” 

“Yeah, but it just adds to the ambiance. Come on, you guys can’t seriously believe there is a ghost in here?” Jackie asked as she stood up, dusting off her hands. “If there was a ghost in here, he’s long gone. He died in here a long time ago, he would have gotten bored of the cabin.” 

You chuckle and shake your head, “I am scared. I don’t like messing with this stuff you know.” 

“What? Because one time, the Ouija board spelled out your mom’s name.” 

“Yeah, and 4 months later she got cancer!” you defended and you pointed to Jackie. You then look up jokingly to add, “Well, she had cancer a long time before that so it doesn’t matter! The board is creepy!” 

Jackie rolled her eyes and said to you sarcastically, “Can you just call people up here to do the damn thing.” 

You chuckle and nod, heading to the door. You call down the attic steps that it is about to begin if anyone wants to talk to the dead guy. Laura Lee bitterly states that she will be reading her Bible downstairs, and if anyone wants to read with her, it only makes more people come up the stairs, except Taissa and Javi. 

Almost everyone comes upstairs, smiling at you as you greet them at the door. Even Natalie eventually comes up. When she comes up the steps, you smile at her with a blush coming to your cheeks. 

When your smile meets her eyes, she looks away sharply. Then, she moves away from the stairs, you, as quickly as possible. 

You felt a dagger stabbed you in the heart again. 

You shouldn’t have told her your feelings. 

You shouldn’t have let her hand down your pants. 

“You didn’t have anything better to do. And it felt good.“ you thought as you sat down next to Lottie and behind the standing Shauna. You saw Natalie from across the way next to Travis and bitterly thought, “If I’m nothing to you, you’re nothing to me either, asshole.” 

Lottie looks at you with a serious face and softly touches your arm. “It’s going to be okay. We might be able to ask him to leave.” 

“What?” You snap your head back at Lottie. Then, everyone starts to sit down in a circle.  

“You look nervous? Your scared about the ghosts?” Lottie questions as she rubs her hand on your thigh comfortingly.

A memory of Natalie caressing your thigh comes to you as you put your hand on hers to stop it. You hold Lottie's hand for a moment and joke, “If I jump, catch me okay.” 

“Okay.” Lottie chuckles as she looks at your hand, holding hers for a moment before letting go of each other. Jackie starts the seance. 

“O keeper of this wild and hidden place…” Jackie chants as she swirls her finger in the reddish brown paste and puts her finger on Shauna's forehead. Shauna stood still with a blindfold over her eyes and the butcher knife tied to a long shoelace to act as a pendulum. “We anoint ourselves with blood and earth,” Jackie added, putting a small cross on Shauna's forehead.

She walked away to hand the small bowl to Travis, “Here.” 

He doesn’t take it for a second as he stares at her nonchalantly, you roll your eyes deeply at his presence. You were in competition with him?

“It’s just dirt and deer blood. Classic witch recipe. Relax.” 

She smiled as he took it, sitting next to him with a big smile. She raised her arms to the ceiling and said, “O spirit, we offer our sister as your instrument. Come to us and speak your peace.” 

“It is I,” Shauna states, in a mocking deeper voice, “Jacques.” 

Everyone fell into a stifled giggle at her voice. Shauna clears her voice and repeats, “Jacque.” Everyone laughs harder this time to Jackie dropping her arms defected, “Ask your questions. The pendulum will answer them.” 

“Okay,” Van says and she hands you the bowl. You look down at the tiny bowl with a small grimace as you dip your finger in it and put a cross on your forehead, passing it to Lottie. Van clears her throat and says, “Dear dead hunter guy… did O.J. do it?” 

You laugh as everyone around you giggles as well, Jackie sighs across the circle and says, “Come on, guys, real questions.” 

“The veil is thin between our two planes. Ask what is in your heart.” 

“I’ll go.” Mari smiles across the way, she holds her hands on her knees as she leans forward, “Is Principal Berzonsky screwing Ms. Dewine?” 

You giggle again, feeling in good spirits again and forgetting about the whole Natalie situation, you look forward to the pendulum, and you see it lean towards yes, with Van letting out a little oh. 

“It is certain.” Shauna snickers, holding on to the deep voice. Everyone giggles loudly as we hear the amazing gossip. 

“Okay! Hunter guy, if we hadn’t crashed, would we have won nationals?” Alilah asks, excited with a smile on her lips, your eyes look back to the pendulum with a smile. It leans towards no, and everyone's boos and giggles come from your throat. 

“I don’t believe that!” you bravely stated as you asked, “Now, is our math teacher Mr. Mattz really a pervert for marrying his young wife?”

The pendulum moves quickly and sharply towards yes to your question, it made you shake back with a laugh everyone did as you continued, “So is it true she was once his student!” 

It moves back to the center and back to yes sharply again. Everyone erupted in laughter, and you felt yourself fall back onto Lottie a little bit, with tears coming to your eyes. “Of course he is!” You cackle, and everyone continues with the laughs. 

“Is Frenchie Deveto’s boobs fake?” Marlissa asks with a big blushing giggling grin. 

Natalie chuckled and shook her head. You felt a lull in your happiness while she spoke. “They’re obviously fake. Do you really need a ghost to tell you that?” Natalie asked Marlissa as Javi came up the steps. 

You looked away from Natalie to smile at him, which he bashfully shared. Javi sat down next to Natalie and Travis. He was a sweet kid who didn’t talk much, and you always tried to be sweet to him. 

“You think?” Mari agreed from across the way. “But who would’ve paid for them? Her parents?” 

“I think they got divorced recently. It could have been guilt money.” 

“Well, that’s just creepy.” Mari looked at Van in disbelief, and you and Lottie shared a look of humor.

“Your mom and I are splitting up, but don’t worry,” Van mocks a man's voice as she cups her breasts for effect, “‘cause your tits are gonna look amazing!” 

Everyone giggles as Van jokes. The pendulum does not move, and it hasn’t since everyone has been joking. Taissa comes up to the attic as Jackie waves her hands around to say, “Guys, guys, okay, focus. Next question.” 

Misty raises her hand, and Jackie smiles at her. You smile softly, and Misty politely and shyly wants to participate. “Misty?” Jackie asks. 

Misty nervously chuckles and pushes her glasses up. " Um...” She takes a deep breath to calm down. “Dear spirit, I need to know the truth.” Her brown eyes look at you once before nervously shooting back to the ground. “Does the person I like like me back?” 

There was a silence caused by pursed lips and trying not to laugh at her, and you couldn’t help but feel pity for Misty. Coach Ben will never like her, and it is clear that she lusts over his every move. It was sad. Jakie rests her chin on her fist and says, “Awh.” 

You wanted to laugh loudly at her little comment but bit your lip. You see Taissa sitting in the chair in the corner, the mummy’s chair, and you take a little longer look at her. Her eyes seem lost for a moment as she clunches the arms of the chair tightly. 

The pendulum moves towards yes, and Van looks down at it unimpressed, “Okay.”

Travis whistles for Misty, and Natalie slaps his chest in response with a smile on her lips. You wanted to scream. Everyone giggles softly as Misty excitedly takes in the news. “Yes, Misty!” Mari cheers for Misty with a smile, and everyone seems to be actually happy for her a little bit. 

“Okay, next question.” Jackie says softly with a smile.

Javi raises his hand with a sad look, and you feel something coming.  Jackie’s nods and says, “yeah?”

“Are we all going to die out here?” He asks gloomly. He was dead serious.

The lightness in the room was sucked with that question. You look over at him with concerned eyes, “Why ask that, Javi? We’re doing okay, that is too dark.” You say quickly as you see the pendulum move a little bit. You felt like a mom hiding the grim reality from their kids. You didn’t want the answer to that. You ask loudly before anyone else can speak, “The better question is, Is anyone looking for us?” 

The pendulum sharply points towards yes. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief, but as we started to look at Javi again for asking such a depressing question, it started to move towards no, then back to yes, as if in a trance, quickly going back and forth. It was shape like an 8.

You feel pressure at the back of your head, and you look behind you quickly towards the window. Nothing was there. You were getting paranoid.

“Okay, an eight? What’s that supposed to mean?” Van asks grumbly, as she hugs her knees towards her chest. She was also getting scared. 

“It’s not an eight; it’s an infinity.” Lottie corrected as she looked down at the knife. She looked behind herself too as she also felt the pressure like you just felt, you turn your head, too, on instinct.

“Yeah, okay, Aristotle.” Van snipped back to her best friend, frustration building from fear. 

There was nothing but the trees outside. You were about to turn your head back as Lottie let out a bloodcurdling scream.

BOOM!

The window flings open from the outside, slamming against the wall of the attic, blowing out every single candle at once. You scream in response as Shauna drops to the floor in fear, she pulls her blindfold off, as you step back into her, “What the hell!” You scream as everyone in the room yelps and screams in terror. 

“Who has the matches?” Jackie panickingly asked the group as she crawled forward. Lottie continues to scream at the top of her lungs. Everyone started to yelp in fear.

Taissa had run cover to close the window behind the two of you.

You come over to Lottie and say shakingly, “It’s okay, there was nothing out there!” 

Lottie hyperventilates in your arms as she stares down at the ground in an intense trance. Spit is dripping from her open, panting mouth as her palms press against the wooden floor.

“It’s okay!” You try again and rub Lottie back. Van comes over to you two as she also rubs Lottie’s back, “Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Guys, something’s really wrong with her.” 

Lottie sobs violently as she grabs the side of her head, she doesn’t blink as she cries, her mouth curling with primal groans. 

“I-I don’t think she-” Akilah comes over to look at Lottie and tries to calm her down. 

“It wants… It wants…” Lottie sobs as she starts to curl her lip like an animal. 

“Misty, what do we do?” Van sternly asks the blonde in the corner, wanting answers on how to fix this. 

You stare at Lottie blankly as you don’t know what to do. You just listen to her, “What does it want?” 

“IT WANTS!” Lottie yells back as her body starts to tremble under your touch, a layer of sweat lining her face. 

“Lottie, I swear to god, if you are fucking with us!” Mari cries as she slowly crawls away. She is horrified. Marlissa and Gen stare beside her in fear. You wanted to rush over to the underclassmen and hug them, make them stop crying. Lottie’s thrashing and screaming made you look back to her.

Her once brown eyes stare into your in a reddish crazed haze. Something like a giggle and sob comes out of her throat as she stares at your face. A pained smile spreading on her pink lips.

“I think she’s, like, possessed,” Akilah says as she tries to hold Lottie's face to see if she is biting her tongue. 

“Listen, Lottie, Lottie, Sweetie-” Shauna tries to lure Lottie back to reality, kneeling in front of the girl. “What’s going on? What is ‘it’?” Shauna asks her with her face right next to Lotties. 

Lottie groans in pain as her tears rush down. She shakes more as Shauna presses, “More like, what does 'it' want?” 

“Hungry.” Lottie sobbed as she stared down to the ground. You followed her eyes, and she was staring at a symbol. “Hungry,” she whispers. She seems to tire for a moment, but she starts to giggle. You freeze at this moment, locked in your own fear. You knew it. This wasn’t fake. Lottie’s eyes looked a little red in the moonlight, like Taissa’s the night before. Lottie shushes the air, as she grabs ahold of your arm. She slowly looks up at your body until her brown eyes into yours, “it’s in you already.” She says as her neck cranes back to Shauna, like she was answering Shauna and not you.

You shake in fear as you look into her eyes.

Something is in her.

Something wasn’t right here.

“Lottie, Knock it off. This isn’t a game.” Taissa hissed, not believing in what was happening. 

Lotties eyes look back up to Taissa’s as she whispers, “Il voulait du sang. Il veut toujours du sang, Il veut plus de sang.” 

“Is that French?” Marlissa asks the group, pale. 

Lottie would have failed French without your notes. You don’t understand. You had the best grade in class, yet you couldn’t speak French like she could in this moment.

This wasn’t right. 

“Il voulait du sang. Il veut toujours du sang, Il veut plus de sang.” 

“Since when has Lottie ever spoke French?” Natalie asks the group as she stays away from the situation. 

“Jackie-(y/n), W-wasn’t she in your class?” Shauna asks both of you, her head snapping from you back to Jackie. 

Jackie panics, her arms out in surrender,  “Yeah, but she sucks at French.” 

“Well, what is she saying?!” Mari asks with a hiss to Jackie. 

“It wants blood, always wants blood. It wants more blood.” You try to translate as you try to single out all the other voices besides Lottie chanting one. You just let Lottie’s hand squeeze your one so hard your bones were touching more than they should.

“Il veut plus de sang. Il voulait plus de sang. Le sang coule ici. Ici, ici, il faut…"

“Always wants blood. Something flows. It must… here? Here?” You say with your eyebrows furrowing together tightly in confusion.

 “Il voulait plus de sang. Le sang coule ici. Ici, ici, il faut… ”

“Blood flows free here? Here, here, it must—" You tried to understand what she was saying as she abruptly stood up, circling her spot until she saw the window.

She approached the window with a mission: “Ici, ici, il faut… ” Lottie whispered as she gently touched the cold glass.

“There’s blood where Lottie?” Van asks, she follows Lottie closely behind. 

“You really have to be encouraging her, Van?” Taissa asks from across the way, deadpan. 

Van points a finger at Taissa to shut her up, snapping her head back to Lottie, “Blood here, or out there?” 

“le sang féminin nourrit les baies et les nourrit.offrez-lui ce qu'il veut et il se nourrira. tous se nourriront. Ici, ici, il faut!” She whispers as she presses her sweaty palm on the glass. 

You can’t bring yourself to say it to the others. You don’t believe what Lottie was saying. The idea you all have been giving offering to some spirit for weeks without knowing disturbed you. “Here. In here.” You say and pause in disgust—your periods. 

Lottie turns her head slowly towards you, making eye contact, her eyes wild and complete detached from Lottie, “Laissez les ténèbres vous libérer. Laissez le sang couler et il ne vous décevra jamais. Il a seulement faim comme nous, laissez-le vous consumer. Oui, Oui!” She whispers softly as her eyes twist in contern, she shushes the air as she comes back to the window. “Écouter… Écouter…” she lets the tips of her fingers touch the window. 

You ask her, your lip trembling and your eyes filling with tears, everyone watching on with terror, “I am listening. What darkness are you talking about? You don’t make sense! What’s hungry!? The woods?”

Her breath rasps as she looks into the glass, focusing on the wild outside, she whimpers, “You must spill blood. Or else…” 

“Or else what, Lottie?” Jackie asks still frozen to the ground. Lottie only pants louder as she doesn’t move from her spot, looking out the window. “Lottie, what are you-” 

“Laisse l'obscurité te libérer.” Lottie whispers as she suddenly slams her head into the thin glass with a disgusting crack. Van, Akilah, and yourself coming up behind her quickly. Blood trickles down Lottie's forehead as she wails out to the girls, almost like a child to its mother. Lottie touches her bleed forehead in confusion as she falls to the floor taking the other girls with her. 

A roaring thumping up the stairs could be heard as Laura Lee stormed inside the attic. Her face was stoic and serious, and she held her Bible. She was over whatever the hell happened tonight. 

“The power of Christ compels you! Begone, Satan!” Laura Lee desperately yells as she holds up her bible to the groaning Lottie. “The power of Christ compels you!” 

Lottie countries to wail and groan on the ground demonically as Laura Lee’s eyes panic, “Lottie! Lottie, stop!” She demands that she throw the heavy leather-bound bible onto Lottie’s lap. 

Lottie yelps as her eyes widen in shock. Her face regains color within seconds, and she takes a few breaths. “Ow!” She whines as she looks up at Laura Lee in shock and confusion, blood dripping down her cheek dramatically. “What the hell, Laura Lee?” 

Everyone stared at the girl in the center. The only sound was people panting, and a relief was washing over everyone. 

“Seriously?” Mari demanded Lottie, angry and starting to believe it was all made up. “What the motherfuck just happened?” 

Laura Lee doesn’t move as she watches Lottie, completely amazed by her abilities and believing god worked his magic through her as a vessel. Lottie’s face twists in confusion as she lifts her finger to feel the dripping sensation from her nose, she panics a little at the sight of blood.

You wanted to vomit.

“Lottie, do you even remember what just happened? Are you okay?” You ask as you come over to the girl with soft eyes.

You completely believe her just from her eyes. She really thought something had come over her. There was no way she could speak French like that. There was no way Lottie would shove her face into the glass. 

“No- I- Why am I bleeding?” Lottie asked, confused as she continued to touch her nose. You look over to the others to silently say to them something you couldn’t figure out. Lottie has gone too far into her delusions.

You hug her shoulder and say as you rub her arms, “Come on, let's get you cleaned up, you hurt yourself. Let's get you to bed.”

You anxiously lay down in your makeshift bed sandwiched between Shauna and Jackie. You felt your eyes stare at the ceiling unnerved to even close your eyes, you held your blanket up to your chin as she listened in on the conversation in the corner. You knew everyone was too scared to go to sleep.

“Do we think it’s still up there?” Akilah nervously asks the group, and she plays with her fingers as she looks down. 

Taissa, who was lying just off your left, sprang up and hissed, annoyed, “You all need to stop. There is nothing up there. Lottie has been acting weird for weeks.” 

Everyone was silent as you looked around. Then, you saw Van nervously watching over Lottie, her best friend, and Akilah nervously sitting up doing the same. Lottie was deep asleep on her pillow, curled up, with a small wrap around her head from her head wound. Everyone nervously lay down in her bed and tried to act like they weren’t listening. 

“Fine!” Taissa says, standing to her feet and taking her pillow and blanket with her. She grabbed her backpack and slung it behind her shoulder,  “I’ll prove it.” 

“You’re going to sleep up there?” Akilah asks Taissa in disbelief. 

“That’s right. Who’s with me?” Taissa states that she turns back to see that no one is following suit with her. Everyone was still scared from earlier. 

Laura Lee started whispering a prayer louder in her bed. She was praying for all our souls and for protection from darkness in these woods. Van shakes her head quietly and looks down as she continues to watch over Lottie. 

“Fine. More room for me, then.” Taissa sassed as she walked through the floor littered with bodies in their bed. She walked to the cabinet with the ladder to the attic. 

No one moved for a moment as she left the room. No one had the courage to come with her; no one was as fearless as Taissa. You felt a pang of guilt come over you as you felt you were partly to blame for everyone's freakout. 

Shauna sat up and looked towards the ladder. She whispered to the two of you, “We should go up there with her.” 

“In the attic? No frickin’ way!” Jackie says with no hesitation. She shakes her head as she lies on her pillows. 

“Well, she shouldn’t be up there alone. I mean if it weren’t for us-”

“Shauna, whatever happened tonight was not because of our dumb seance.” 

“But everyone is so freaked out because we wanted to do it.” You added as you played with your cuticles and started to pick them. Your stomach growls. 

“Okay but-” 

“If you want to sleep up there, fine, be my guest. I’m staying down here.” Jackie stated that she had finished the conversation with the three of you and that you all would stay with her. You felt so much guilt for staying, and now you didn’t want to upset Jackie. 

Jackie then huffily turns to her side away from both you and Shauna. You stay still for a moment as Shauna lays back down. 

You both just lay down in the shared bed for another 10 minutes before you turn your head to look at Shauna. She was already looking at you and when your eyes met, you decided you would leave at that moment. 

You stand up and say to Jackie, “I can’t leave her up there, I don’t want to make anyone worry. I promise I will come back down here tomorrow, but I can’t leave Taissa up there.” You say as you grab your pillow, Shauna is already leaving the maze of beds to the attic. You follow behind as best you can until you climb up the ladder. You see Taissa curled up in her pillow with her blanket up to her chin in fear. She sits up when she sees the two of you. 

“We were just going to keep you company,” Shauana says to the two of you as you both stand in the doorway. “If that's okay?” 

“We couldn’t let you sleep alone up here.” You add as you walk closer to the laying girl.

Taissa stays quiet for a moment as he puts your thick foam, taken from a plane seat next to hers. You smile at her softly as you lay down a blanket and pillow. You start to lie down with your fuzzy blanket dragged over your legs. Shauna follows suit and puts hers next to yours. 

Everyone sits down momentarily and takes a breath, taking in the situation in the dark attic. You are only lying 5 feet away from the man who took his life. It wasn’t a good feeling up these stairs, but you didn’t care. 

“How far along are you?” Taissa whispers into the air, her eyes staring up at the ceiling. You felt your eyebrow raise as you turned your head to look at the two other girls, you knew she wasn’t talking to you but what was she even saying? Shauna’s eyes widen just a little as she slowly turns her head to Taissa, and your heart drops to your stomach. 

Oh, no. 

The two look at each other for a moment as you watch on. You realize quickly that Shauna and Taissa’s conversation, but you have no context,  was happening because they trusted you with this information as much as each other. You were the moderator. You keep quiet as you nervously look over Shauna's body. “You are pregnant, right?” Taissa asks again gently, looking over Shauna. 

Shauna blinks slowly as if she is finally accepting the fact, she whispers, “You guys won’t tell anyone… Will you?” 

Taissa shakes her head immediately with a quick, “No. I won’t.” 

You reach your hand over Taissa's body to touch Shauna’s shoulder, “Nothing for us to tell. That’s only if you're okay with it.” You reassure her in a whisper. You rub her shoulder as you feel your eyes sprinkle with tears. A mix of emotions was coming over you for your childhood best friend. You were excited to see her baby and to be an aunt as you always dreamed of becoming for her kids and her to your own one day, but you felt dread at the thought of a baby growing inside of her. You were hungry tonight, and you were sure Shauna was too. 

Taissa whispers as she looks at you, and your eyes meet quickly to exchange worry and stress about the situation. “But if we’re stuck out here long enough, I have a feeling it’ll come out one way or another.” 

You felt yourself nod a little at her words, agreeing all the way. But you couldn’t shake the want to comfort Shauna at this moment with her eyes fearful and nervous at Taissa’s words, “That’s not for tonight.��� You say softly to Taissa as you rub your hand on Shauna’s shoulder, “She’s not showing now, and a lot can change in time. People are looking for us, and I am sure Shauna will get to a hospital before anything happens.” You try to reassure her. 

You look at Shauna fully now. Tears well in her eyes, and she is worried, and you feel like you are a mirror to her. But at this moment, you want to give her some peace. 

“You’re having a baby?!” You excitedly whisper to Shauna with a smile, a tear rolls down your cheek, and a chuckle comes to your throat. You didn’t even know Shauna wasn’t a virgin anymore, you didn’t know who the father was, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care about that. At this moment, you assume that this was something you missed while taking care of your mom, and you will get more details on who the father was later. For now, all you could care about was Shauna and their baby. 

Shauna’s worry falls away for a moment at someone reacting positively to the pregnancy, the only one to have it, and she tries to smile back. A chuckle comes out of her mouth as she wipes a fat tear from her eye. “Yeah. I think I am.” 

“That’s amazing!” You say with a wide grin, tears falling. You giggle again, uncontrolled. Taissa, below you, chuckles, too, feeling the excitement that you are holding. “That is great news, maybe not out here, but Jesus Shipmen, we’re having a baby!” You whisper as you run your arm down Shauna’s arm to her hand, holding her hand tightly. 

Shauna starts to cry as you congratulate her fully. You know she wasn’t happy, and this wasn’t what she wanted, but she needed support. You hold her hand, and Taissa puts a hand on Shauna’s head. “We’ll be here for you no matter what. We’ll keep it a secret. We’ll do whatever we can for you and the baby, Shauna!" you add to the attic's darkness. 

The three of you hug on the attic floor as Shauna softly cries into both of your chests, you and Taissa try to calm her down until the three of you fall asleep, exhausted from the day you had. 

‘21

You try to forget about the night you had last night as you read over more editors' notes for the 10th chapter of your novel. It was slow work to comb through every paragraph, every sentence, every word to make sure it all made sense. It had foreshadowing but was not too oblivious. It had depth without being melodramatic. It was tiring, but you kept going. There were another 22 chapters in your novel to go through, and you couldn’t find it in yourself to care that it was grueling. 

You needed to have this sent and done for printing by the end of August for it to be realized by October, and you needed to look normal and mentally prepare for a press conference. You needed to promote the book before it came out for presales. They need you to talk about the smut and the angst that will excite the long-time readers. 

You’ve done this circus before. Nothing was new. You knew what questions were going to be sent your way. You used a pen name as your name, and you have aged 25 years since the crash, so most people don’t talk about that anymore. Most don’t even know you were a part of the yellowjackets. They just thought you were a hermit romance author who doesn’t do a lot of interviews. But, you remember at your first convention where someone asked if you had eaten people and if you used your experience to write your vampire series. They were taken out by security, you saved face every well by tearing up, and the questions were sent away from you. It’s been years since then and now you mostly get lonely people asking questions about your characters like they were real people. You happily indulge because it's the reason you became a writer. 

Your phone vibrates, and it is Natalie. Your heart skipped a beat. 

You answer, “Hey, what's up? Before you say anything, I just want to say sorry-”

“You’re sorry about last night?” Natalie interrupted you with a chuckle. No, don’t be. Please come over. We have something important going on, and I trust you the most.” 

Your eyes widen, “You do? Thank you, okay, what's wrong?”

“You have to come over, I called Shauna over too. It’s an emergency.” 

You pale a little bit at the thought of your friends contacting each other without using you as the messenger. “Okay, coming as soon as I can.”

“Can’t wait.” Natalie snarky replies as she hangs up the phone. 

You click save on your document and get out of your chair. You had no more meetings today or any reports to look over for your story, you just have to edit. You grab your purse and fling it over your shoulder as you anxiously leave your house. 

When you got to Natalie’s hotel, you noticed that Misty's white minivan wasn’t there but another expensive white Tesla beside Natalie’s black Porsche. It made your eyebrow raise as you didn’t know anyone who would have such an expensive car, but you were happy to get there before Shauna did to ask if Natalie could downplay how much you have been in contact. You know Shauan will be wrathful upon knowing you were hanging out with other people, especially Natalie and Misty, behind her back. 

You knock softly on the door and hear Natalie talking to someone. You smile when she opens the door. Natalie lets you into the room and acts like the night before never happened. You feel grateful until you turn to look at Taissa standing in the kitchenette. 

You stood still as you looked at her. You haven’t seen her since 2006. Your phone, which you had been using to call the other girls, was in your purse because of her. You didn’t know what to think. 

“Hey.” 

“Hi, (y/n). You look nice.” Taissa smiled, then looked at you nervously. She knew she wasn’t who you wanted to see. Your history with her was a little too personal after the rescue, and it didn’t end pretty. You bit your tongue as you looked at her expensive outfit. 

“Thank you, you too. You look like you’re already a senator.” You say back, with a smile of your own back at her. Trying to keep it short and sweet with her. Your eyes look down gently to the table where the photos from last night were tapped together to keep the written symbol in one piece. “Oh, god, why is it still here?”

“You know about this?” Taissa asked as she looked down at the table. “Did you get a text from the blackmailer?” 

You snap your head in shock towards Taissa with wide eyes, “Blackmailer? What are you talking about?” 

Taissa showed you her phone and the top text was “Gather 50k cash and await further instructions. Do NOT discuss this with your teammates - I WILL KNOW.” and an emoji version of the symbol. 

You felt pale as you stared at the screen. 

How could someone know anything and blackmail you? 

The only people to know what happened out there were you guys or dead. 

“Did you get the same text?” Natalie asked as she came from behind. 

“No.” You confess as you hand Taissa her phone again, your hands go to open your purse, “Did you call Misty?” 

“That conniving, poodle-haired, little fucking freak doesn’t need to know anything. Keep Misty out of it, okay.” Natalie said as she pointed a finger at you. You pulled out your cigarette bag and pulled out a cigarette. “She told Shauna Travis died! She didn’t even tell Taissa or tell us she told Shauna.”

You roll your eyes as you place a cigarette in your mouth, You look over to the women and say, “Okay, fine, do you guys want a cigarette? I need a fucking cigarette.” 

Taissa comes to you with her hand out. You hand her one stick, light your end off, look at Tai, and then light hers. 

“Hope you know, you’re getting a cleaning bill after your stay here Natalie.” You say as you blow the smoke out the window beside the table. You knew this was a no-smoking hotel, but you couldn’t bring yourself to leave the room. 

“I don’t fucking care. Where the fuck is Shauna?” Natalie stressed as she peeks out the window beside you. 

Translation for Amis de l'autre côté

Taglist: @zhivaxo @h-doodles @homopheli @bigtimesalt8196 @juniperjean @scatorccioz @juniperjean @yaakooi @lottieswebs @juchily @freezinggay @deathly710-blog @ghostoflesbianism @marvelous-wandanatangel @errriiie @anskkks @deathvidal @slutforhotpeople @thursdayygrrrl @day-ziez @evewasheretoday @mayasaurusss @captainbabybear @eleanormall @mommyeater2000 @leonchef @mikititta @tigersarrcool @nyasbae @dykepvppy @jax1118 @oakwave @mmiah @dvrkhcld @swiftin0f @opheliadeservedbetter-27 @psychicdreamwonderland @pinkmoonzzz @under-your-bed-not-in-it @sadsapphic-rose @fictitious-sapphic @gayandfairycore @modernvenuss @livil589

[assumptionprime]

Playing Dark Souls 2 again and damn, in spite of its rough edges, I think it’s my favorite.

They’re all good, mind you. Dark Souls 1 is the foundation, and 3 is playing the hits while also saying that it can’t just play the hits forever and has to end.

And Dark Souls 2 is doing its own weird different thing and I love it.

I think it has the best story of the three games, because it really concerns itself with people.

The intro isn’t a list of people and monsters you need to kill, it’s your story. How you came into this land. You are afflicted with the curse of undeath, and it’s destroying your life and your mind. Everything that follows is based around that. You’re not the Chosen Undead, a title put on you in the first game because of a role you’re expected to play in some legend. You’re the Bearer of the Curse, because that’s your concern in all this, your curse.

You see it afflict others throughout the game, too. Most of the characters in Majula can’t remember how they got here, their goals, their lives before Drangleic are fading, same as yours. Lucatiel is by far my favorite NPC in any Souls game, a tragic view of another cursed undead that doesn’t quite make it. You fight alongside her. She confides in you, forms a bond with you. And then, as the last remnants of her mind, her self, leave her, she begs you to remember her name. Vendrick, the mighty king of Drangleic, is a shell of himself. He shuffles around in his own tomb, having long ago succumbed to the curse. He may as well already be dead. In every way that matters, he is.

And if you don’t figure something out, it’s going to happen to you, too.

Some to do has been made about the world layout not making sense. Some say it’s bad design or development troubles leading to compromises. Others say it’s intentional, that time and space are warped, though I think that’s either not true here or done much better in DS3. I subscribe to a third camp I’ve seen a bit less frequently: These nonsensical ways you move between some of these places are because you forgot how you got from one place to the other.

“So you got to the top of the tower, then what?”

“Oh, then I got on an elevator, which took me up— up to… I was on an elevator… then I was in an old keep sinking into a lake of lava.”

You’re losing your mind and your memory, you just can’t remember what happened between Earthen Peak and Old Iron Keep.

So you go slay the old ones, find Vendrick, seek out the ancient dragon, defeat Nashandra and—

It doesn’t work. You don’t cure the curse. You can either take the throne, or keep looking for a cure. We don’t see what kind of monarch you are to your ruined kingdom if you stay. And we don’t see you find a cure to the curse if you leave.

You lose.

It’s left to you to decide, does continuing to fight this fate have meaning? Is the struggle, in and of itself, worthwhile?

Dark Souls 2 is about going Hollow, and I love that it goes in such a different direction with its lore and story to be that.

[simplyzeeka]

Note: This is my first fanfic ever. With the way I've been earing these Terry Richmond fanfics up? This was bound to happen!

Warnings: MDNI!! Ts is nasty, Terry is nasty. Slighttt humiliation, slighttt choking, oral (f recieving), p in v... and just Terry Richmond y'all

Pairing: Doppleganger!Terry x black fem character (Drea)

Summary: With the rising population of doppleganger attacks in Yohnville, Drea is a little past worried when her boyfriend Terry doesn't make it home on time.

Do not repost, re-upload, steal or copy my work!!!

Doppled Distractions

“There have been three more reported deaths tonight, the cause seemingly being caused by the increasing population of doppelgangers in the town. Investigators and officers urge civilians to stay indoors and ensure all possible entrances are barricaded. The town's mayor is said to address this issue tomorrow morning.”

Drea shut the TV off, having heard enough that it caused exaggerated ringing in her ear. Her leg bounced up and down, her head in her hands while constantly looking towards the door.

Terry forgot his key before leaving for work, and while Drea usually does leave the door unlocked, however, there is a growing discomfort in doing that today especially after watching the news report. She was also worried about her boyfriend, the time was going on 11pm and he still wasn't back. Terry was never late.

“Where the hell are you, Terry?” She whispers to herself, her attention darting between the clock above the TV and the door. Contemplating on whether she should leave the door unlocked for him.

She's startled out of her thoughts by a pitched sound coming from her phone, one that has her running to find it, in hopes that it was Terry texting her, telling her he was on the way, that he was safe. Only to be disappointed to see it was a dumb Instagram notification. Who the fuck would be posting at this damn time, was unbeknownst to her, but she didn't do the honors to check, to frustrated at the situation in hand.

Drea opts for leaving the door unlocked, then retreats to their room where she got into bed and prayed that he would come back to her, in one piece.

The silent ‘click’ of the door was unheard by Drea as she was in deep slumber. Slow steps creak on the loose planks Terry had said he would fix but always forgot about.

With long legs, it didn't take long for him to reach the bedroom, the whirring of the ceiling fan drowned out Drea's soft snores. It was summertime in Yohnville, and the heat was so unbearable that cool night breezes did nothing to ease it.

Drea had long kicked the covers off of her, exposing the smooth skin of her thighs, arms and chest. A loose, lilac coloured silk nightgown was now bunched up around her waist as she layed on her stomach. Head covered in a bonnet since she got her braids done recently, Terry always loved her in braids.

She stirs at the feel of cold hands gliding up her legs followed by a dip of the bed. “Baby.” a gruff voice eases her out of her deep slumber although everything else was still a bit jumbled. He was back, and in one piece.

“T? That you?” She asked, although she already knew it was, could tell by how good he always smelled, like old wood and a hint of something sweet. Drea would often tell him that he smells like obsession.

“Yeah, sorry for coming back so late. There was a problem at the workshop.” He roughly responds, sounding exhausted almost. Drea sighs when the cold tip of his nose runs along her shoulder, to the length of her neck, inhaling the intoxicating fresh scent Drea naturally had.

“You could've texted me, or atleast called, T.” Drea sleepily complains, still a little out of it and his presence always left her a little dizzy, that scent.

“Hmm, I'm sure he's sorry baby.” Terry mumbles in the shell of her ear. The statement had Drea frowning, before she flips on her side and faces him. Gorgeous eyes, the prettiest she's ever seen. Fresh fade, neatly trimmed goatee and plump, thick lips. Definitely her Terry. “Huh?” She whispers for him to repeat, she must've still been sleepy.

“I said I'm very sorry mama.” He smiles, before pressing a soft peck on her lips. Drea hums at the contact and chases his lips when he pulls away, which has him chuckling. “Mhm, had me worried. You watch the news?” Drea smiles as she glides her fingers across his thick eyebrows. Damn he was so pretty, fine, handsome. All the words in the book.

“Don't worry ‘bout that, I'm here now.” Terry responds before softly flipping her on her back, hands running up the skin of her waist, raising her nightgown higher, to where it now ruffled around her chest.

Flimsy lace panties she had on, barely leaving much to the imagination, a wet patch right in the middle of them that the darkness of the room couldn't even hide. Terry always had her like that, looking at him was enough to have her wet and wanting.

“And I'm hungry as fuck, mama.” He adds, his fingers dancing under the bands of the thin material. Slowly, he pulls the garment down her thighs, his eyes trailing up the length of her body until they reach her eyes.

“You gon’ feed me baby?” He asks, taunting really as he tilts his head. Her panties now settled at her ankles. Drea pulls a foot out of one loop, her throat dry and her eyes hazed. “Only if you got the appetite.” She doesn't back down, because one thing Terry loved the most, is when she went band for band with him.

The laugh he lets out is an amused one. “Always got the appetite.” He mumbles before laying on his stomach and throwing her legs over his shoulders. He held her thighs to the side of his face, blowing on her sensitive bud as one would to a hot plate of food.

It was how he left soft pecks around her fluttering lips, purposefully missing the spots she wanted him most. Drea leans on her elbows so she could watch him, her head shaking at his teasing. “Don't play that today.” She orders softly, because why would you ask for food then play around it, he had better manners than that… Well Terry did at least.

He laughs, looks straight at Drea when he licks one, long stripe from her leaking hole to her now engorged clit. Drea shudders, the heat of his tongue being a large contract to the wind from the fan. She cages her bottom lip between her teeth, eye contact maintained as her hand brushes over his fade. “Mhm, keep goin’.” She urges softly, and by the look on her face, why wouldn't he be happy to oblige.

He ate her slowly at first, drawing out the softest of whimpers and the most enticing of moans. Slurping up the essence she so kindly lifted him. Drea tries to bury his face deeper into her pussy, but he smacks away her hand and hums in refusal. “You take what you get.” He mutters before diving right in.

And take she did, take she had no choice but to do, especially when he had her stomach laid on a pillow, legs bent and parted as he takes all that he needs.

“Shiiitt, I'm- fuckk I'm gonna cum.” Drea mewls as he drills into her relentlessly. Her jaw falls slack, the way his dick dug out her pussy had her eyes crossing in need. Something was different, yes sex with Terry always left her dumb, but something about the way he was fucking her now was carnal. He was fucking like he hated her, but the way he talked her through it? Yeah, something was definitely different.

“Yeah? All on this dick mama? What you waitin’ on, hmm? Let it go, just like that, cum on your dick.” He coaches her into it, commanding her nut out of her as he skillfully strokes into her, hands on her hips, forcing her to stay still because he didn't want her running, just wanted her to take.

Drea claws at the sheets in front of her, threatening to pull them completely off from the corners. “Oouu fuck! Right there, fuck you so deep, T.”

He kept jabbing at this new spot, one she didn't even know she had. Everything felt different, yet so good because Drea has never felt dick like this.

“Mhm, right where I'm ‘sposed to me. Gripping my shit so good, you were made for me, weren't you? Just for me, look at you. Pretty baby.”

Because how was Drea supposed to keep breathing when he spoke like that? She was already crazy enough about Terry, but after this? This will have her world fucked about him.

“Breathe mama, breathe through it. Can't be that dick dumb, baby. Tighten up.” He moans too. He's never been this… condescending, but fuck if it didn't make Drea cream all around him, that sentence sent her over the edge, “Fuckkk, I'm cummin’.”

He fucks her through it, had no choice but to with the way Drea gripped his dick. “Flip over, I wanna see your face.” He orders, slipping out of her. His mouth watering at the sight of her own nut dripping out of her.

Drea follows the order, flipping over her back, her head thrown back in exhaustion. He holds her legs up, pushing them to her chest and sliding his dick right back into her. “Oouu shittt, wait wait wait.” Drea whines as she places her hand on his stomach to deter his movements.

Was he thicker? Longer? Because fuck it felt like he was impaling her, his dick had her stuffed. The stretch felt so much more intense than usual, his dick was carving her pussy to fit him specifically, Drea was sure no one would compare to this.

“Move your hand and hold your legs.” He orders lowly, trying to get used to the tightness of her walls himself. Drea sucked his dick in as he slowly adjusted. She followed his order, as usual and held the back of her thighs while his hand sneaks to her neck, wrapping around before making her fuck him back.

“You feel me baby?” He asks while looking down at her. “Yess, yes I do baby.” She couldn't help but to moan out loudly, he rubbed past her spot so deliciously that giving him pussy wasn't nearly enough for gratitude. “Where you feel me at baby? Right here?” He taunts, his thumb pressing down on her stomach with every thrust and that had her instantly creaming.

Unable to speak, she nods her head as her eyes cross over. “Stop playin’ and use your words.”

Drea looks up at him with furrowed brows, his eyes looked so damn good. She loved his eyes, such a pretty colour. Still she shakes her head, he was balls deep inside her, taking her soul with every thrust and he expected her to be able to speak?

“You don't listen D. But it's okay baby, don't worry. We gon’ get you right.” He says before picking up the pace gaze stuck on hers. He moves his hand from her neck and holds her hips instead, bringing her onto his dick.

Drea closes her eyes and lets her head fall back onto the messy sheets. “Fuckkk. Oh my fuckin’- ung.” She gasps between short breaths.

By now there were tears falling down the side of her face. “That's right, look at how you gushin’. She love me, don't she?” His thumb grazes her clit before intentionally rubbing figure eights of the swollen bud. Drea nods and whispers out the softest of ‘yeses’ her throat allowed her to. “I know she do, baby. I know.” He coos at her with furrowed brows.

Drea's pussy was magical, would have anyone crazy about her just from the sight alone. Right now, he had to hold off from coming so many times, because her faces were worth it, the sounds she made. All of it was worth watching.

He slows down for a moment, tucks his arms under her legs and holds her waist tightly before pulling her up to his chest. The squeal she let out from the sudden movement had him laughing.

The pace starts up again and he musters all the strength he has to bounce her on his dick in a steady pace. With her bonnet long gone on the floor, Drea throws her head back, her hands around his neck.

“Fuck fuck fuckkk, I can't.” She shakes her head. Terry nods his head, his bottom lip between his teeth as he looks at her. “Yes you can mama, you doin’ so good. Takin’ this dick like a big girl. I see you big girl.” He praises, “Look at me baby, hmm. Please look at me.”

And she obliged, again, because he was fucking her so good, so so good that it's bloomed something more in her heart. Not only did his dick impale itself in her pussy but also in her soul. He was there for life now.

“There she is, pretty baby. You gon’ cum with me? Cum with your dick mama. I'm bout to nut, fill you with this shit. Cause it's yours, you hear me?”

Drea nods, “Fuckk, I hear you T, I hear youuu.”

“Fuckk, I'm close. Gon’ head and let it go baby. There you go. Good fucking pussy.” He says as he feels her wet him up, and he follows right after.

Painting her walls white as she squirts on his lap. Terry fucks his nut into her, engraving it in her pussy, because that's precisely where it belonged. “Good girl, you did so good. Easy baby.”

Drea had her head on his shoulder. Fucked out and tired. Her braids curtain her face as she tries to catch her breath. “You had a bad day at work or something?” She asks quietly with a laugh.

Terry laughs and shakes his head. “Somethin’ like that.” He responds and Drea hums. Sighing softly as he settles her down on her back on the bed. They would have to change the sheets before going back to sleep.

“Should have more bad days, cause what the fuck?” She whispers, causing him to laugh as he walks towards the bathroom and comes back after a while. “C’mon, bath time.” He mumbles as he picks her up again. “Sir, yes Sir.” Drea sighs as she allows herself to be carried.

What a shame she didn't notice his ink free skin, cause maybe then Drea would have seen that her Terry didn't make it home tonight.

Note: Maybe I went a bit overboard. A little messy but this is my first time so... idk chile. A little something for spooky month, hope you enjoyed🎃🎃🎃

[imtryingbuck]

Opposite attracts

~ gif not mine credit to owner ~

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Summary: bucky and y/n are completely opposite to each other. (I’m terrible at summaries sorry!)

Word count: 2,842

Warnings: fluff. angst. swearing. Bucky puts himself down. mentions of being sick and being sick on (not detailed). mentions of sex(?)

A/N: absolutely love this request, thank you so much for sending it, I’m so sorry that it took so long🤍

Masterlist

No one really understood why or how the relationship between Bucky and Y/n worked due to them being so different from each other, yet they were so in love with each other. The couple met at university, Sam being the social butterfly that he had introduced them - after they had already met a few weeks earlier.

“Hi, is this seat taken?”

Bucky flinched at the voice, he didn’t mean to, he was to engrossed in the comic book in his hand that he didn’t notice someone approaching him. Looking up, he gulped, shaking his head. “N-no.”

“Thank you.” He truly expected her to take the seat and move it away, not sit there next to him. “I’m Y/n, hi.”

“I know.” He whispered. “B-Bucky.”

He didn’t know why she was introducing herself to him, he knew who she was, everyone did. Y/n L/n was bubbly, talkative, a person who made friends with everyone and anyone, she was popular, and so beautiful - something everyone thought about her, and so did he.

“What are you reading?” She asks, bringing him back to the present.

“J-just a comic.”

“Which one?”

“I- erm, this one.” Showing her the cover.

“Is that the new one?”

“Y-yeah?”

“I’ll have to ring him later and see if he has it.” He gives her a questioning look, which she laughs at. “My brother, he’s a massive fan of comics. Honestly you should see his collection!”

“Oh, right.”

“He’s a bit of a nerd.” She chuckles. “And he absolutely loves gaming.”

“Right.”

“Sorry, you’re trying to read and I keep talking, I’ll leave you alone now.”

“Okay.” He felt guilty about how he reacted, especially when she lowered her head, but he was nervous - sitting there tense as she talked. He didn’t know why she was talking to him or even sitting next to him when there were other available seats.

A couple of weeks later Sam brought Y/n to the house he shared with Bucky and Steve, the group of friends that also included Natasha, Wanda, Clint, Vis and Thor were having a movie marathon and Sam had invited her. When Bucky saw her entering the house he truly didn’t know what to do with himself - especially when she sat in the seat next to where he always sat.

And from that day on, Y/n joined their friendship group. Much to Bucky’s annoyance. It wasn’t because she was rude or mean or even spoke down to him, no, she was sweet and kind, didn’t judge or laugh at him for stuttering and stumbling over his words, she was always interested in everything he had to say. So the reason why he was annoyed about her being around all the time? Well because he had a huge crush on her and that annoyed him.

He knew that she wouldn’t like him, he was completely the opposite of her; he was shy, nerdy, insecure, he was everything she wasn’t.

Bucky’s hands shook as he did up his tie, staring at himself in the mirror whilst Steve poured drinks for them. Sam, Thor, Clint and Vis were finishing off getting dressed, their conversation and laughter fading into the background as he remembered the moment he told her he had feelings for her.

It had been a year since Y/n became an official member of their group, in that year Bucky finally stopped becoming a stuttering mess every time she spoke to him, he grew more confident when he realised that she wasn’t going to judge him or laugh at him for being himself.

It was Wanda’s birthday, the group threw a party for her in the house she shared with Natasha and Y/n - the group watched with much amusement as Bucky came out of his shell the more he continued to drink. “Steve!”

“Yeah?”

“Ha-have you seen Y/n?”

“I saw her going outside ten minutes ago, why?”

“I need to talk to her.” The blond nodded his head as he watched his best friend stumble across the room and out of the house. Bucky found her sitting on the ground, leaning back as she stared up at the stars. “Y/n.”

She would have been startled by the intrusion if he hadn’t made so much noise trying to get out of the door. “Yeah?”

“I- I Bucky Barnes need to tell you something.”

Giggling at his words, she held out her hand to help him sit down next to her. “And what is it you need to tell me?”

“I don’t like you.” He says when he finally gets as comfortable as he can on the hard ground. “Well that’s not true, I do like you. A lot. Like a lot, a lot, you know?”

“I like you too Bucky.”

“No you don’t.” He snaps. “Sorry that was mean.”

“It’s okay, but of course I like you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes, you're my friend.”

The soft, shy smile on his lips disappeared at her words, of course she only saw him as a friend. “B-but that’s not what I meant.”

“What do you mean?”

“I like you, more than a friend.” Picking at the rim of the plastic cup in his hand, before whispering. “I think I love you.”

Her cheeks instantly went red. Her heart raced as she looked over at him and saw the seriousness on his face. Reaching over to hold his hand, her whole body tingled when he flipped his hand over and their fingers slotted against each other. “I think I love you too.”

“You're lying!” Watching as she shakes her head. “You are! You’re too pretty for someone like me.”

“Firstly, I’m not lying to you and secondly, don’t put yourself down!”

“But you are, you're so pretty and look at me! Fat and ugly and-“

“No!” She shouted, making him jump. “Don’t call yourself names especially when they aren’t true! Please Bucky.”

“Bossy.” He mumbled. “You really like me?”

“Yes. I wouldn’t say I do if I didn’t.”

“Because I’m slightly drunk, can I kiss you?”

“Slightly?” He nodded with a dopey smile. “Okay.”

“Okay, as in I can kiss you or.” She didn’t give him a chance to finish his sentence, taking a hold of his face she pressed her lips to his. “Wow.” He whispered after they pulled away for air. “P-please don’t take this wrong but.”

He didn't finish his sentence as he puked up.

When he woke up the next morning, face down on the sofa, his head was pounding and he was convinced the room was spinning. With a groan he managed to sit up, coming face to face with Sam and Steve sitting there with massive grins. “Wh-what happened?”

“Aside from you confessing your love for Y/n, kissing her, then being sick on her, and then passing out. Nothing much.”

The room finally stopped spinning as his heart stopped beating. “I-I-I was sick on her? I told her?” Grabbing a cushion he held it to his face and screamed. “No, no, no I couldn’t! You're lying!”

“We watched-“

“I kissed her? When? How? Oh god!” As he was having a mini panic attack his so called best friends were crying with laughter. “It-it’s not funny!”

“It’s fine, she didn’t seem to mind- well until you were sick on her.”

“I bet she hates me!”

“Who hates you?” His eyes went wide as Y/n came into the living room. “Bucky?”

“I-I- can we talk?”

“Sure.” She glanced over at the guys - who were trying and failing to conceal their amusement. “Boys, fuck off.”

“Yes ma’am.” They said in unison, saluting her which she laughed at.

“Bucky?”

“I am so so sorry, I didn’t mean it or mean to be sick, I-I understand if you never want to speak to me again.”

“Oh.” Twisting the bottom of her shirt in her fingers. “You didn’t- it’s fine.”

“It’s not fine! I shouldn’t have told you, I promised myself I wouldn’t do it.” Gripping the cushion for dear life. “I’m never drinking again.”

“Wait, did you mean it? Do you like me?”

“Of course I like you! I told you last night. Please don’t make me feel any more stupid than I already do.”

“And I like you! I meant what I said last night.”

As they waited for the car to come around, Bucky smiled at the memory of their first date.

Two weeks after he drunkenly confessed and made a fool of himself, he asked her out on a date to which she said yes, happily.

He borrowed Steve’s car and drove to her house, clumsily handing her the bouquet of flowers he had gotten her - not mentioning that he had brought way too many, not knowing which one she would have preferred. A meal and cinema, it was simple yet she didn’t show any sign of it being boring.

“So, where are you taking me?” Y/n asked from the passenger seat.

“I tried booking a table at that new restaurant but they didn’t have any seats available, so I thought we could have a picnic instead, if that’s alright?”

“It’s perfect, I’ve always wanted to go on a picnic.”

“Sam helped me.” He admitted with a laugh.

“He’s always helpful.”

As he pulled the car up to the beach, he watched Y/n’s face light up. “I remember you saying that you always love going to the beach, so I thought- is it stupid?”

“It is perfect! This is already the best date ever!” They worked as a team to lay the blanket out on the soft sand, once sat and food was out of the basket, they talked whilst eating. “If you could have any job in the world, what would you choose?”

“I would own a restaurant, what about you?”

“I would have a rescue centre for animals.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I love animals.” She chuckles. “If not that then I would be a veterinarian.”

“Why not be both?”

“Maybe.” She shrugs, finishing her sandwich off before speaking again. “What would you name your restaurant?”

“I don’t know. It wouldn’t happen anyway.”

“You don’t know that.” Shifting herself onto her knees, an idea of a possible name came to her head. “J.B.B Food, or Barnes Restaurant or-or James B Barnes - no not that one, or Food by James?”

He chuckled softly as the possible names of this restaurant that he would never have, kept coming out of her mouth. “You’re thinking of names of something I don’t even have.”

“I’m getting ahead of myself aren’t I? Maybe we could think about the food you’ll cook.”

“Everything.” He winked. “Okay maybe not everything but I would cater to everyone.”

“And obviously I would get food for free.”

“Obviously.”

“Oh I could be your taster! This is going to be amazing!”

He bursts out laughing. “Again, it’s not even going to happen.”

“You need to have faith, if you want it to happen then it will!”

“Alright, what about you? You want to run a rescue centre, what would it be called?”

“Easy. Y/n’s animal rescue centre, it will have places for all animals big and small, people would have to have a background check when they want to adopt because you can’t be too careful, and after two years of opening I would have to open another one because of all the animals I will rescue.”

“You’ve really thought about this?”

“In full detail.”

“I like it.”

“Thank you.” She smiled. “Then again, it might not happen.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Well you don’t have faith in your dream, so I might as well not have it in mine.”

“But yours is more realistic.”

“But so is owning a restaurant, if you put your mind to it, it will succeed. Five years after opening your first one you’ll be onto opening your fourth or even fifth!”

“One a year? You're killing me!”

“No, I’m making you rich! And me fat from all the taste testing I’ll be doing.” She giggles. “One day we’ll have our dream jobs.”

“One day.” He whispered, watching as she continued to eat.

They never made it to the cinema as they spent hours on the beach building sandcastles - which Y/n got a stranger to vote which one was the best - and having a splash around in the water, he found it amusing that she was creating sand-angels, they shared many kisses whilst they were there too.

When Bucky dropped Y/n off that night, they shared another kiss before she asked him something that caused him to choke on air. “Do- would you like to come in?”

“For?”

“What do you think?” Her eyes went wide as he started choking. “Shit, are you alright?”

“Fine, I’m fine. I-erm I- I’m still- you know?”

“Wh- oh. Oh that’s okay, I don’t want to pressure- or think that you want to- you know with me- no pressure or-“

“I want too!” He blurts out cutting off her rambling. “I’m just nervous.”

“That’s okay. Everyone gets nervous, we don’t have to do it tonight.”

“I do- I want to, tonight I mean- if you're okay with it?”

After fifteen minutes of convincing Bucky that she wasn't going to judge him or his body, he finally took his clothes off - cheeks going bright red as her eyes scanned up and down his body with nothing but admiration and lust in her eyes.

They both laid there panting for breath as the scent of sex and sweat was heavy in the air. “You- you said that you was a virgin.”

“I am- was, why? Was I bad? Oh god!”

“The opposite.” She giggled. “You was great, I promise.”

“T-thanks, I guess.” He laughs, wrapping his arm around her - smiling as she shuffles closer to him. “You were amazing by the way.”

The car passed by his restaurant, yes his restaurant, four years after graduating from university Y/n all but knocked down the door to their shared apartment.

“I’ve found it! Bucky!”

Coming out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist, he frowned at her words. “What are you talking about?”

“A building, I- fuck I ran all the way up here, I found the building.”

“Okay?” He says slowly, walking into the kitchen to fill a glass up with water to hand it to her. “You found a building?”

“Yes, but not any building, no, no I found thee building!” Gulping down the water way too fast she ignored the slight ache in her chest. “For your restaurant.”

“What? Where?”

“It’s- get dressed and we can go now, hurry.”

Y/n went halves with him on the building - much to his dismay. It was run down and needed a lot of work which the group were more than happy to help with, a year later Barnes Restaurant was opening its doors. Two years after that he was opening up another one, with one being done up.

As he sat in the back with the guys, the car went by Y/n’s Animal Rescue Centre.

“It’s happening! Bucky it’s happening!” She screamed down the phone, deafening him, before bursting through the large doors of the restaurant. “It’s happening!” She sang loudly, startling the customers.

“What’s going on?” He asked coming to the counter, laughing as he says. “Calm down your scaring off my customers.”

“The woman got back to me, it’s-guess what- it’s happening!” The customers who were enjoying their meal laughed along with Bucky as Y/n starts to do a dance. “They accepted my bid! I am now the proud owner of the land!”

Bucky ran around the counter and picked her up and spun her around. “I’m so proud of you baby, so proud!”

Everyone cheered, even though they didn’t really know what was happening.

Just over a year later the rescue centre was up and running. Six months after the doors opened, Y/n came home with a white fluffy kitten. “Don’t be mad… but, look.”

“It’s- baby, we talked about this.”

“I know, I know but look at her.” Practically shoving the kitten into his face. “She’s so cute.”

“She is, yes.” He couldn’t disagree with her, but they talked about her not bringing animals home with her, she had brought two dogs home once which they gave to Steve. “I don’t think-“

“I’ve already thought about that, whenever the landlord comes we’ll just hide her, simple. Please Buck, please.”

He was never able to say no to her, especially not when she was pouting and giving him her best puppy eyes. “Fine but if we get caught out, I’m blaming you.”

It was a lie and they both knew it. “That’s fine. What should we name her?”

Nearly an hour it took them to settle on a name. Alpine.

Bucky stood at the end of the aisle watching with a bated breath, tears burning his vision as the love of his life walked towards him.

They were completely opposite to each other, yet their love was just the same.

Tags: @imcinnamoons | @pigeonmama | @capsbestgirl77

[colibrie]

Fang AU DTIYS: Compromise

What's this? Me showing up late with a project that was meant to be short but then got way out of hand and became huge...couldn't be me. This is my submission for the wonderful @trilobitepunch DTIYS. I can't draw beyond stick figures, but trilo is a wonderful artist who deserves to be celebrated, so I decided to write something instead. For full context, I highly recommend checking out the full Fang AU tab on Trilo's page. Having said that, congratulations on your milestone trilobug, lets do this!

"Uh...Raphel?"

"Hey CJ," Raph grunted, reveling in the burn of well worked muscles as he pressed the barbell up and away from his chest. Even with the events and marks of the invasion fading further into the past with each day, he didn't think he'd ever again take for granted the ability to control how he moved his body. Whether through the familiar burn of pushing his limits like a boss or fiddling with the puzzles that he'd been assured would help him regain better depth perception in his damaged eye, all of it was beautiful. All of it was...

"It's Raph, remember? Or Raphie. You're pretty much part of the family now kid and pops the only one who regularly bothers with the ael part."

"Oh!  Right, sorry Raphae...Raph..."

"Eh, don't sweat it," Raph rumbled, heart squeezing fondly as he set the barbell on its stand and sat up to give the now rather awkward human his full attention. "Didja need somethin?"

"I was just wondering if you'd seen S-Leo around," Casey Jr asked, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

Their future boy was doing a decent job at settling in and moving with the chaos that made up the Hamato family line, likely a benefit from having been raised by alternate and older versions of them. But that familiarity was a doubled edge sword, and ingrained honorifics like "Sensei" and "Master" were slow to fade from the kid’s vocabulary. That went for personal titles too. Raph still had to bite back the urge to laugh when he remembered the fish-eyed stare Donnie had given the first time CJ had slipped up and called him "Uncle Tello". Somethings were just too priceless, and April had been happy to print him a copy from the security stills. While that version of Raph hadn’t been around to raise Casey Jr, the habit of calling him by his full name was one this version of himself was determined to break.

"Raph hasn't seen him," Raph replied, leaning forward to snag his work out towel from its usual spot next to the dumbbell rack. "Have you checked his room."

“Mhm. I also checked the kitchen, the arcade, and the comic nook. There’s no sign of him.”  

"Huh. Maybe he's on his skateboard?" Raph pondered as he wiped the towel across his face and neck.

As a family of awesome, world-saving, kick-butt ninjas, it wasn't odd for them to disappear from time to time. No matter how close they were, sometimes space was needed. Mikey would bake, Raph would organize his plushies, Leo would read comics. Donnie had made an art of disappearing from chaotic or boring situations, starting from when they were kids. The soft shell often needed periods of quietly productive tinkering before he could fully join in on the rough and tumble fun preferred by his harder shelled siblings.

What pushed it into the territory of weird, borderline concerning, however, was the lack of heads up. While they currently didn't need permission to leave the lair, the events of the invasion, and more recently the disaster with the GDF lab, had been weighing on all of them. There was a tension in the lair, a near tangible need to see each other, to be close enough to reach out and touch to confirm that, despite everything, they were all still alive. Mikey was alternated between fine and stage five clingy, constantly draped over Raph’s shell, slinging arm around April, or leaning into Casey Jr as he taught the young man how to cook. The twins had been all but glued at hip throughout their recovery. For Raph, it was a constant effort to not give in to paranoia every time he woke up from dreams of pink slime and pleaded apologies, a herculean effort of will to not lunge forward, ninpo ready, whenever one of the twins turned to fast. Heck, even Barry had all but moved in for a while, choosing to engage in his and Splinter’s endless bickering rather than be separated. It had taken a full month before he was fully confident that the serum was working as intended, and another month and a half before the Yokai had been even semi comfortable returning to his apartment.

When they had had to leave, it had never been without a thousand heads up and an iron clad enforcement of the buddy system. So, for Leo to apparently just disappear...

"Have you asked-?"

They both jumped as the front door to their home slammed open, and a loud, irate voice filled the air.

"Alright, where is he?!"

"April?"

Sure enough, the petite form of their adopted older sister was stalking towards them, drenched to the bone and nearly steaming with irritation.

"Whoa, what happened to you Comma...Apirl?" Casey asked, raising his hands and backing up toward Raphs greater bulk as the pissed off eighteen-year-old girl came into swinging range. CJ was a smart kid.

"Donnie was supposed to meet me at the park this afternoon to run some code tests on our tracking system," April growled, wet shoes slapping the concrete as she stomped over to stand by them, water rolling from clothes and hair alike to form a small puddle. "I figured the fresh air, and space would do him some good. And I told him to be on time, cause the weather app said it was supposed to rain at three."

"Wait... are you saying Donnie never showed up?" Casey Jr asked, trepidation clear in his tone as April tried to fruitlessly squeeze the moisture from her hair.

"Uh huh. I'm not trying to turn "soggy" into the next street style," April affirmed, sarcasm thick as she peeled off her sodden backpack and jacket. "Oh, when I get my hands on that boy! I know he's been in hermit mode the last few days, but not even a heads-up text?! He better build me a new laptop if this one kicks the can! I... wait... what's with the look’s boys?"

"You haven't heard from Donnie at all?" Raph pressed, something in his gut sinking as he and Casey Jr looked first at one another, then at April. "No texts, or calls? What about social media posts? Has he made any ta day?"

"No... now that I think about it... it's been kind of quiet on that front too," April replied slowly, her previous scowl rapidly shifting to a concerned frown as she looked at them. "What's going on?"

"I can't find Leo," Casey Jr sighed, one hand running nervously through his hair. "I didn't want to freak everyone out by sounding a code red if he was just chilling somewhere... but if he's missing, and now Donnie's gone radio silent..."

"Crap," April muttered, eyes widening in realization.

"I'll send out the code," Casey Jr said, the kids face and body language shifting into what they'd all come to call his "super soldier" mode. "Raph, find Mikey and send him to the Hidden City. We can't risk them revealing themselves by targeting unsuspecting Yokai. I'll head to Tío's and get him to shut down the portal there.  Have Splinter call Draxum, then start sweeping the sewers in-"

"Whoa! Slow down now," April cut in, quickly stepping forward to lay a restraining hand on both boys’ arms. "Let's not overreact yet."

"We've lost the twins April, this ain't an overreaction!" Raph rumbled, hands clenching as anxiety for his brothers burned hot and acidic in his veins. "They'll have a head start, and if they've gone rouge..."

"If they'd gone rouge, we would have heard about it by now," April countered, her touch sympathetic as she squeezed his bicep reassuringly. "It would have been all over the web if two rampaging mutants were murdering people downtown, and Hueso is on high alert for anything that might resemble the virus in the Hidden City. Since we haven't heard either, that means they are probably still safe for now. And if they are having a tough time, the last thing we should do is spook them by overreacting, hear me? "

"Yeah, I hear ya," Raph breathed as Casey jr simultaneously deflated with a muttered "yes ma’am".

"Cool," April confirmed with a nod, huffing as a bedraggled clump of curls flopped across her forehead. "Alright, here's the new plan. I'm going to hunt down a towel and my spare set of clothes. You two are going to calmly find Mikey and Splinter, fill them in, and meet me in Donnie's lab. It looks like we're going to test the new tracking system after all."

"On it, Commander!" Casey Jr replied sharply, snapping into a full on salute before taking off towards the kitchen.

"...Dang," April muttered after a few seconds of shocked silence, "He hasn't done that in over a month..."

"Kids stressed. Not gonna lie, Raph gets the feeling."

"I know big guy," April replied, stepping in to hug him as best she could. "Go get Splints, and then we'll find those dumb-dumbs and give them what for."

"Yeah, Thanks April," Raph replied, arms lifting her in an quick bear hug before moving to find their father. Pizza supreme, they were lucky to have a big sister like April.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So, how does this new system work again? I mean, Donnie said he already had trackers on all of us, so why did he make a new one?" Mikey asked from his spot perched atop Raph’s shell as they all huddled around Donnie's computer, watching Aprils' fingers fly across the keys.

"Think of it less as a new system and more of a super charged expansion pack," April replied as her right thumb spammed the space bar. "Donnie wanted a better way to not just track but get ahead of his and Leo's flair ups. Their new chips are, in theory, supposed to transmit bioinformation like cardiovascular rate, respiratory rate, and core temperature. He wanted to include brain waves and neurological patterns, but we agreed to hold off on brain stuff until the base enhancements are out of beta."

"I don't care if they make it all the way through omega. Absolutely no "brain stuff"". Splinter cut in sharply, tail lashing back and forth in an agitated way that had Raph instinctively scooting them back and out of said appendages strike range.

"MmmhmyeahtotalyANYWAY," April quickly agreed, though Mikey watched as a swift click of the mouse swooped several files into a file labeled "Unfolding Genius".

"Point in being is that with this, I can both track the twins and monitor their bio signs for indicators that something has triggered them into a hunt. I had it set up for the trials we were going to run today, but as soon as I disengage that protocol, we'll be able to find both in no time."

"What were you testing today?" Mikey asked, leaning forward to watch as wave after wave of purple binary code rolled across the screen.

"Just some technical stuff, attunement to baselines. Nothing very interesting," April replied nonchalantly.

"Uh, how were you going to get a baseline without-" Casey jr started to ask skeptically, only for the computer to cut in with an obnoxiously loud sound of triumph.

"We got our boys!" April cheered.

"Where are they? Are they hurt? " Raph asked, nearly knocking Mikey from his perch as when the big guy lunged in towards the screen.

"It says they're at... the old lair?"

"Donatello said the area was unstable. Why would they go there?"  Splinter asked.

"Who cares? We gotta go get 'em before they move," Raph replied, and Mikey quickly adjusted his grip as the gentle giant lumbered to his feet.

"I don't have access to the full biometric spectrum yet, but their heart rates suggest they are calm and stationary for now. Mikey, are you getting anything on the mystic end of things?" April asked, wheels screeching against the labs concrete floor as she pushed away from the desk and reached for her bat.

"Not really?" Mikey hedged, lips puckering as he turned his attention inward to poke at their collectively connected ninpo. Their family tapestry was whole once move, thank pizza, blue and purple once more interlocked with red, orange, green, silver-gray, and aquamarine. Yet...

"They're still here, but they're...looser than they should be. Duller. Like they're missing some of their pizazz."

"Then let’s go pizazz things up!" Raph barked, making warmth bloom in Mikey's bones as the big guy turned and stalked out of the lab. Though his biggest brother still had moments where he defaulted back to treating Mikey like a baby, Raph always took his opinion on mystic things seriously.

"Dad, you and April and Casey Jr stay-"

"Hey now!"

"I can help!"

"You guys stay here and prep the lair and the med bay," Raph pushed on, deep voice rumbling across the protests. "They may not need it, but it can't hurt to be prepared."

"We'll call you once we've got them," Mikey promised, tossing his remaining a family his warmest smile as he and Raph headed for the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The path to the old lair was painfully familiar, walls and tunnels covered with Mikey's once flawlessly colorful art, now shot with deep cracks and cavernous crevices that still stood as silent testament to the Shredders ferocity. Seeing it, even years later, made something deep in Raph’s heart burn with the urge to either cry or hit something.

They didn't come back here often. The four of them had never discussed it out loud, but the consensus hung like a shroud, a silent accord they'd all secretly signed in their hearts the day they'd scavenged the last of their possessions from the rubble. This place, even for all the happy memories they'd shared with it, was where they had both gained and lost their grandmother. Where home had been forever marred by devastation too painful to be near. The old subway station had been unfamiliar, rough and raw with new potential, but it was their future and all four had leaned into gathering, shaping, and modifying it with every conceivable comfort and curiosity to make that future their new home.

So why would the twins have come here? Had something happened? Were the bio-what-zits wrong? Why hadn't they come to Raph for help? They had promised they'd would, in those family talks with Dr. Feelings (and a rougher session or two with Dr. Delicate Touch). Both Donnie and Leo had sworn to be honest, to tell them if the krangy parts of them were taking over again. Maybe they'd...

"-ph...aph...RAPHAEL!"

"Gah!"

Raph nearly jumped a foot into the air as his baby brother’s shout was accompanied by dexterous fingers prodding at a soft, ticklish spot at the juncture of his neck and shell. 

"Aaaaaye! Mikey, what the shell was that for?!" he hissed, jaw flexing as he twisted his head to glare at his passenger.

""I've been calling your name for like the last five minutes!" Mikey scowled in reply, dark eyes returning the heat as they scanned his face. "You missed the turn off for the side door.”

"Oh...Raphs bad," he mumbled, turning away to pretend to look around and "reorient" himself before turning to head back the way they'd come. It was a stupid thing to do. Even half blown to smithereens he still knew these tunnels like the back of his hand, and so did Mikey.

"Soooooooooo...want to talk about it?"

"What "it"?"

"The "it" that's turning your Raph chasm into a Raph crater," Mikey pressed, leaning in closer. "You aren't subtle Raphie. Come on, spit it out."

"Nuthin. I'm jus worried bout the twins," Raph replied, grimacing at how weak and defensive the excuse sounded.

"They haven't moved at all in the last fifteen minutes. Aprils been sending me updates every few minutes to confirm it," Mikey pushed. "What else is rolling around in there?"

"Raph...doesn't like that they went off on their own. I mean, doesn't that bother you too? After all those talks and lectures. After that near miss with April! They oughta know better than to just up and disappear on us!"

"I mean, yeah, you're not wrong. They should have told us they were going out...But they probably wanted their own space, and none of us have been really good at giving them that as of late."

"It's for their own good! They know that! They agreed to it!" Raph growled, agitation growing in his gut as he turned left and stomped down another cross tunnel.

"That's probably why it's taken them this long to pull a Houdini. They've put up with a lot. Draxums checkups, restricted surface time... heck Raphie, we're like, super-limited-edition-mint-condition-lucky that they just went to the old lair instead of the other side of the city."

"So, what do you want us to do Mikey?  Cut'em loose in the Hidden City and hope to pizza supreme that they don't lose their cool and maim a whole bunch of Yokai?! Let'em go out with a "have fun, try not to kill any humans on the way home?!"

"I want my family back to normal Raph! I want to be their brother again, not their jailer!"

"And you think I don't?!"

"I think you-"

The happy jingle of Aprils ring tone cut through their budding argument, bouncing and rebounding off the concrete and rebar. Raph turned his head away as Mikey fumbled for his phone, the muscles in his jaw rhythmically clenching as he chewed over what to do or say next.

Deep down, he knew Mikey had a point. The twins couldn't spend their lives locked up at home. And if he was honest, neither could he. As close as their family was, and as reassuring as it was to have them near, the frustration of being continuously chained to one another was a steadily rising tide under the surface of forced calm. Donnie wanted to go out to the junkyard. Leo wanted to bother Hueso. Raph...Raph really missed hanging out with Casey, the nights were the two of them would meet up to spar and end up gushing for hours about the latest wrestling match and which moves they wanted to try out for themselves. The decision to limit both the information about what happened to a few and limit the family's contact with outsiders who weren't Casey Jr or April had made a lot of sense months ago, but...

"Alright, yeah. We're almost there. Tell Barry to hold off for now, we'll call if we need a portal," Mikey said, pulling Raph’s attention away from his thoughts and back to the dimly lit reality of the tunnel. "Uh huh...yep...I'll text you the level once we get to them, promise. Gotta go Apes. Love."

"Everything good?" Raph asked as Mikey ended the call.

"Yeah. She said she did some techno-thingamagiggy with the trackers and got a better signal. Both icons are in Donnie's old room."

"Oh..."

"Dad also called Barry but told him to stay on standby. And Barry agreed, so we have backup!"

"Cool big man..."

"And...um...I'm sorry-"

"Raphs sorry-"

They blinked at each other for a moment, before bursting out in soft peals of laughter that bounced down the path, warming the space around them.

"J-jinx!" Mikey wheezed, "you owe me garlic knots!"

"Yeah, yeah. I'll tell Hueso ta add'em next time we go...An we'll go soon."

"Soon?"

"Mhm. You're right big guy. We can't live locked up forever, and Raph's sorry for bein a jerk about it."

"You're not a jerk Raphie. You've been doing a lot to keep us safe. I'm sorry if I made it seem like I don't appreciate that."

"Already forgiven. Now, let’s go get our bozos back."

The original entrance to their old home had remained staunchly buried under tons of rubble, but the side entrance that had once served as the garage was still blessedly accessible to Raph's bulk. Water dripped from the ceiling, a softly rolling symphony of drip, plip, plop that beckoned them further in. It was not hard to find and follow evidence of the twin’s passage. Footprints, two sets, disturbed the thick layer of dust on the ground, and pieces of rubble had clearly been moved to widen the path.

Their bedrooms had suffered various degrees of damage from both the fire and falling rubble, and while his lab had been utterly destroyed, Donnie's bedroom had somehow maintained the most structural integrity. The hollow maw of the open door loomed as they approached, what little metal Donnie hadn't stripped when they moved ragged and rusting, hanging like broken teeth that warned against casual approach. Raph felt Mikey shrink back into his shell slightly as he crouched to peer past the door jam.

The twins were scrunched against the far wall, curled around one another on whatever was left of Donatello's bed. Donnie lay with his head in Leo's lap, long legs tucked to his chest. His goggles sat askew on his head, knocked off center by the hands were loosely pressed over his tympanum. Leo sat slumped against the wall; body curved protectively around his other half. The wicked claws of one hand drummed random patterns across the purple titanium of the battle shell Donnie wore while the other hand toyed with the tails of his mask. Soft hisses and churrs filled the air around them, words replaced by more instinctual vocalizations broken every now and then by a higher whistle or a deeper hum. Neither looked up at or acknowledge Raph and Mikey's intrusion.

Raph opened his mouth to call his brothers, but a quick tap on the shoulder redirected his attention to the other brother sitting on his shoulder, and the phone screen that was promptly pushed towards his face.

"They feel weird, lik thy rn't all there. Don't want to startle thm in here." Mikey had hastily written.

Raph quickly ducked back, tucking them against the outer wall before pulling out his own phone.

"R they full gone?"

"No, just loose. Think they're slippin in an out of it mentally."

"Any ideas? Raphs open."

"Operation BF-Prime?”

"Wow. Pullin out the big guns. Raph likes."

";D"

Raph stifled the urge to chuckle as his thumbs flew across the screen of his phone.

"Alright. Text Apes and CJ the plan, then head back the way we came. We're luring them out to the Atrium."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was easier to breathe here in the dark. The dark protected them, far away from the smells and the sounds and the eyes that always watched, always saw. It concealed their weakness, hid away the urge to lunge and claw and...

tap, tap, tippity-tapity tiptiptiptip…

He hissed weakly as the tapping broke through the buzz of their thoughs, tightening his hands as though smothering the ability to hear could smother the thoughts that raced round and round and round inside his head, wobbling nauseously between he, me, they, we, him, us at what felt like breakneck speeds. 

A reassuring purr rumbled from their...from Leo's throat in reply.

That was Leo. His twin. One of four brothers. He was Donatello. A genius. A scientist. He loved fashion and dancing and Atomic Lass, and Leo loved the dramatic twists in soap operas and winning and basketball. He had to remember that. Had to organize and amend and enforce it on the thrashing, howling thing in his skull that though in plurals and endlessly chased and craved connection... to be together...together…

Taptaptaptap-CRASH.

They were on their feet in an instant, claws unsheathed, and teeth bared as they warily looked around. The shadows had not changed, but new smells had entered the safe zone. Familiar, so familiar. Family.

Togetherbite...

Nono...no....nobite…

They hissed in displeasure as they stumbled from their den, disapproval and discord swirling in their heads as they followed the path, and the scents, towards the open space in the center.

Those who belonged together...togetherneeded...theyneeded...Bite? No. Nobite. Promised. Promisedwho? Significantpromise? Yes! Promised...

Something sprang from the shadows, arms the size of trees pinning their arms down before hauling them back and in, lifting their feet clear off the floor.

"Mikey now!"

They screamed as fire exploded in their synapsis, thrashing and snarling as bright marigold and blazing red crashed into that thing in their skull, slamming it down with a devastating suplex before binding it in smoldering gold chains. The colors peeled the thing back, pushing it down, down, down and out of their precious space. His space, his mind...

"Donnie!"

 "Mikey?"

The orange flames did not burn this time, permitting only the gentlest heat as they flew back to joyfully whirl around him. His little brother, happiness and sunshine and power incarnate. Their family's true north, constant and sure. He reached for that light, hazy purple seeking relief and finding it offered with open arms. Filaments of marigold wove a gossamer net, pulling him in and up until his head broke the metaphorical surface.   

"...be home in five. How they lookin?"

"I got through to Donnie, but he's kinda woozy. I'll work on getting through to Leo next!"

"I sure hope April is ready for us, because we are comin in hot!"

His body was hanging from something, limp legs swaying weakly as whatever held him moved forward in a run. His hands pawed mechanically at something firm and leathery, finding insufficient purchase against whatever held him still. To his right something akin to a lawnmower dying could be heard, high pitched keens sliding down to incoherent rumbles that might, if one were to be extraordinarily generous with the definition, be classified as words.

"Got him! Lee, can you understand me? Blink once for yes, and twice for no!"

Leo...

"GerOooooofffff," Leo moaned, voice guttural as it warbled on the edge of a growl.

His blue-clad brother was tucked under Raphs other arm, hands weakly plucking and scratching at their older brother's forearm in much the same way he had. Slitted pupils glared at their brethren, their...his fangs on full display, a silent warning, and ultimately a hollow one.

 Donnie could see it in the light that gleamed from behind those predators’ eyes, feel it distantly echoing from that thing in his skull that was still pinned down by red and orange energies. Leo was awake and rapidly regaining control over their-his, for the love of shell, his-mental faculties. He wouldn't be a threat to the family. If only Donnie could feel so confident of his own self-control. The world still felt...watery for lack of a better word, like it was contained in the cup Mikey used to clean his brushes. Colors and lights bled, melting down in big looping swirls as his mind fought to preserve the tentatively won separation of turtle and monster. The thing wailed, tugging desperately at the barren threads of his thoughts and powers, trying to pull him back in and down. It needed him. It was him. It was...lonely? Scared? Angry? Confused?

"Almost there Lee," Mikey's assurance pulled his attention back, the familiar sight and scents of their new home drifting into view. "Don't worry, Aprils got operation BF-prime ready to roll, so we'll have you feeling better in no time!"

Operation BF Prime... he knew what that was. He helped design it. With April. It had been his way to apologize, as funny enough, Hallmark didn't make a "sorry my freaky genetic makeup and unpredictable virus-based mutations made me hunt you down and almost kill you" card. So instead, he'd spent hours with her, first on the phone and then in person, coming up with safety procedures that covered the serious, the strange, and even some that were downright whacky. They had talked about what happened, and eventually even laughed. She'd promised that they'd fix things to...toge...

"Special delivery!"  Raph called, charging through the front door without slowing down.

"Main area. April’s getting the last piece."

Casey Jr's scent hit his nose hard, and a strangled hiss slipped through his teeth before he could stop it.

"Easy Dee. Hold your breath for a minute."

He did as he was told, desperately squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to force himself to think about the code. BF-Prime. BF-Prime. Prime. Part of the Alpha series. Top protocol, used for their "bad days" as April put it. B, not A. Not something they'd need Draxum for.

BF stood for...

He squawked as Raph’s arm suddenly disappeared. Limb’s flailing, he dropped into a nest of...pillows? Yes. Feathery soft, well-worn pillows and felty blankets that smelled of the family's detergent.

Oh right... BF stood for blanket fort.

He churred as instinct had him burrowing down, swiftly burying himself in the ocean of softness as Leo hit the pile with an undignified yelp. Gentle fingers tugged off his goggles, smoothing down the creases in his mask before slipping his noise canceling headphones into place. Something big, heavy, and luxuriously silky covered them both, trapping Leo against his back as divinely weighted warmth infused his tight-strung muscles.

Voices, blessedly muted by the protective cone of his headphones, rumbled overhead. Like the burble of water through the pipes, there but easy to ignore.  Less easy to ignore were the fingers that worked their way beneath the blankets and pillows to pry at the safety latches on his battle shell. He growled, mouth opening to snap at the intruder only to be met with something cold and semi-hard being pressed between his teeth. He instinctively bit down, and his mouth was quickly flooded by the refreshingly bland taste of cucumber.

"I know, I know," someone soothed, silky fur tickling the edge of his jaw as that someone adjusted the layers around him. "Bear with us Purple, you and Blue will be more comfortable if they take it off now."

He whined, fangs shredding pleasantly through the cucumber as the latches at his shoulders and hips flipped open. He dipped his head to chase that familiar touch as the weight of his armor was taken away, leaving the softest parts of him open and vulnerable.

"It’s alright, my clever purple. You can rest now; your papa is here."

Weight settled in around him, above and below, side to side, careful not to crowd, but close enough that he could feel their warmth. Leo shifted, rotating until he was laying fully across Donnie’s back, a reassuring pressure protecting his soft shell.

He sighed as cheerful tangerine tugged at the edges of his consciousness, wearily relinquishing his hold on wakefulness as he turned inward, following his little brother’s lead. The supernova that was his family's collective ninpo burst into life, rippling bands of color rich enough to put the aurora borealis to shame eagerly reaching out to draw him closer. Silver-gray, summer green, and vibrant aquamarine joined red and orange in holding back the thing, quieting its incessant howling until it was barely a whisper. He sagged in exhausted relief, swiftly followed by washed out blue as their family bundled them up and held them close.

"You dumb-dumbs," Red buzzed, worry and affection pulling them into its protection. "You scared the shell outa us."

"Sorry Raphie," Leo's blue slurred, sticking close to Donnie's purple even as Casey Jr's aquamarine stubbornly wedged himself in on his other side. "Didn't mean to."

"Why did you leave?" April asked, green sidling in, silently nudging him in gentle recognition when he buzzed in apology.

"Now is not the time for questions" Their father declared, silver-grey stretching to surround them all. "You boys need to rest and regain your balance, we'll talk when you wake up." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He wasn't sure how much time had passed before he woke, pulled from the loving tangle of his family’s network by his body's irritating biological needs. His mouth was dry and tasted of stale cucumber, eyelids itchy and gummy as he tried to blink sleep away from his eyes. His headphones had been knocked off at some point, leaving his tympanum free to begin picking out pieces from the low conversation flowing around him.

"So, who is going to..."

"Hueso said about an hour. Probably accounting for Leo time. So-"

"Dad's going-"

"-been down for a while. Should we wake them?"

"Donnie? Doooooonie. You awake?"

"No," he huffed, shoving his head further into the cradle of his arms when the voices cheered.

"Awake and talking! Good going Dee!"

"I am neither. It's a figment of your imagination."

"Uh huh. Come on big baby, sit up. I've got some flavorless juice here with your name on it."

Warm hands pulled at him, ignoring his grumbles of protest as he was propped upright. A straw slipped between his lips silenced him, but the intrusion swiftly forgiven when his preferred beverage washed the staleness from his tongue and throat. 

"There you go. Feel better?"

"Mmmm," he hummed, hand rising to take the cup as he gave up pretense and blinked his eyes open.

He was propped against Raph's plastron at the center of a frankly massive blanket fort. What appeared to be every cushion, pillow, blanket and quilt that the family owned had been piled into the living room, couches and chairs rearranged to provide a stable framework. April knelt to his left, dressed in the spare clothes that she kept in his lab. She seemed to hear his silent question, giving him an exaggerated grimace before replying.

"SOMEONE forgot to meet me at the park, and I got soaked on the walk here."

"Sweet Marie Curie, that was today?!" he gasped, his stomach twisting unpleasantly when April nodded. "I am so sorry April."

"It's alright man. I'm guessing you've been kind of out of it lately."

"Eh, not much more than any other day," Leo chimed in sleepily, and a quick glance to his right found his twin propped up against Raph's legs, firmly sandwiched between Mikey and Casey Jr.

He tried to frown, but like the drowsy smile he got in reply, it lacked any of the real power it should have held. Not when he honestly felt like he could easily fall back asleep if he blinked for too long. His mind was so blessedly silent, the thing muted by the collective weight of his family ninpo, and he was only prevented from drifting by a finger softly poking his cheek.

"Nuh uh, eyes open D. You can go back to sleep after you've eaten something," Mikey nudged, unrepentant as he forced Donnie to open his eyes once more. "Dad is on his way to pick up our favorites from Run of the Mill now. You don't want to miss that!"

"And, while we wait, you two can finally tell us what in the world made you two think disappearing like that was a good idea," Raph groused.

"Oh, yeah...that," Leo replied, voice carefully light and nonchalant as Donnie cringed. "It was really all a big misunderstanding. Dee had an idea, and we wanted to test it out first before we brought it to you guys. Must have lost track of time."

"Leo, you two were basically at alpha level coherence. That's a bit more than "losing track of time"," Mikey countered, his face dressed in earnest concern that border lined on distress, and Donnie felt vindicated when even Leo flinched away from it. "We were really worried about you."

"I'm sorry Mikey. We didn't mean for it to end up like that, I promise," Leo repeated, pulling Mikey in closer for a one-armed hug.

"What were you trying to test?" Casey Jr asked.

"Something, something, big-brained nerd stuff?" Leo replied with a wave of his hand. The attempted deflection fell flat amongst the cushions as all other eyes turned to stare at Donnie.

"I... was testing to see if it were possible for me to "reprogram" the mutations caused by the lingering Krang influence," Donnie answered stiffly, ducking his head as the atmosphere within the fort went tight with tension.

"You what now?!"

"Donnie!"

"And you didn't think we needed to know that?!"

"That's impossible!" 

"No, it’s not!" he snapped, neck muscles cramping as he jerked his chin up to glare at the last person to speak, Casey Jr. "Let us recall that I was the one temporarily bonded to the technodrome, and thus I have a far better understanding in regard to its functions than any of you! It was as technological as it was biological. It had functions and subroutines, and it processed information as data. Even if this thing isn't a full technodrome, it still processes information the same way and it is integrated with my ninpo. The same ninpo that lets me replicate any technology I can comprehend?! If I can study this thing, if I can understand its functions, then I should be able to use my ninpo to rewrite them!"

"If it were possible to rewrite krang matter, Uncle Tello would have-"

"That version of me didn't know what I know. I can do things he never even dreamed of."

"Ooookay, let's put that bit aside for now," April cut in quickly as Casey Jr's face darkened. "What were you specifically testing?"

"Nothing complicated," Donnie shrugged, trying his best to ignore the way Raphs unhappy objection vibrated through his leathery carapace. "I was trying to establish what kind of interface the thing requires to send and receive commands."

"And you couldn't have done that here?" Raph prodded.

"No," Donnie replied, shoulders rising as his tone unintentionally turned irritated and snappish.

"Why?" Mikey pressed.

"Because you are all-"

"-distracting," Leo cut in smoothly, one foot nudging Donnie's thigh under the blanket in a clear signal to shut up.

"Oh..."

"It's nothing personal Mikey," Leo soothed, "it's just with everything happening in the lair, it gets loud, and that makes it kind of hard for Donbon to concentrate."

Even after sixteen years, the ease with which Leo pulled together plausible explanations from strands of truth and slivers of fact astounded Donnie.

"That still doesn't explain why you didn't come to us with the idea first," Raph chided, tenacious as a dog with a bone. "Raph isn’t kidding when I say you scared the shell out of us. We nearly called Draxum to find you two!"

"Because you would have listened to us anyway."

The words were bitter on his tongue, and he dragged in another sip of flavorless juice in the awkward silence that followed.

"What do you mean? Of course we would have listened!" Casey Jr protested.

"No, you wouldn't," Donnie shook his head hard, sitting up as he curled his knees up to his chest. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the fingers on Leo's free hand begin to subtly flutter.

"Yes, we would have Dee," April rebutted. "We would have worked with you, just like you and I have been working on the new protocols."

"Any time the thing in my head comes up in conversation, you all shut us down!" Donnie snapped, fingers flexing and flicking as hot irritation filled his chest. "You ask a million questions about what it feels like, what triggers it, how Draxums’ medication does or doesn't affect it, but you don't ask me what I think about it, or what we want to do about it. You act like we'll go rabid if someone sneezes too loud! I can't even be in my own lab without someone watching me. If we'd told you my idea, you would have treated us like invalids, shut it down, and forbidden me to even try!"

"Donatello, that is not fair. We're just trying to-"

"Hang on," Mikey cut in, tone firm as he raised one scarred hand, "Donnie is asking to be heard here, so let's give him the floor and hear him out without interruptions. Go ahead D,"

"It's...I..." Donnie fumbled under the attention, fingers now frantically plucking at handfuls of the blanket as he strained to form some kind of coherent thought from the twisted mess inside of him.

This wasn't right. This wasn't how he wanted to approach things. He needed time to organize his preliminary data, and make a PowerPoint complete with charts and tables. Something visual, and respectable. Something that would make his family understand. Something to tame and order and hold back these gross emotions that stuck to his lungs like tar and gathered along his lashes like pine pitch, burning and stinging and making it hard to breathe or blink. He just wanted...

"We get you guys love us, and we get that you want to keep us safe, but we need you to back off," Leo spoke up, gracefully shifting attention to himself.  Donnie shivered in relief, leaning over with silent gratitude when Leo stretched out to tangle their legs together.

"We need you to treat us like us," his twin continued, shoulders thrown back as a spark of leadership entered his eyes and voice, "like Donnie and Leo, not patient x. We need you to include us in the conversations, not hide them behind closed doors when you think we're not paying attention. You see it protecting us, but all it does is make us feel isomalated."

"Isolated," Donnie corrected, hiding a slight smile of affection in the crook of his elbow when Leo nudged him playfully with his ankle.

"What he said," Leo joked, flashing Donnie a smile and a wink before turning back to the others.

"Raph...didn't mean to make you guys feel like that," the giant of their family replied uncomfortably, one hand rubbing at the edge of the scar that stretched over his eye. "We just didn't want you to have to think about it."

"That ship sailed a while ago for both of us Raphie," Leo replied, a hint of sad frustration sneaking in between the syllables as he spoke. "You heard what Drax said, there is no fixing this, only managing it. This thing is with Donnie and me every second of every day. I wake up fighting the urge to bite something. I walk around the lair, and sometimes I have to stop to sort out which are things I'm seeing and feeling, and what things are from Dontron. Sometimes I dream about hunting and...and that's our lives now. We can't go back, and we can't ignore it.  We have to figure out how to live with it on our terms."

"Is that why you went to our old place? So, you could face it on your "own terms"?" Mikey asked, his usual sunny face solum as Leo shrugged.

"Maybe a little," the red eared slider allowed, raising one hand palm down before tilting it side to side in a so-so gesture. "We also wanted to have some proof of concept before we got everyone's hopes up, and the lair being so crowded does make it hard to concentrate. We figured the old lair was isolated enough that no one would be in danger if we experimented with the thing, but close enough that we could be back before you guys noticed."

The blanket fort was silent for several minutes, and each second felt like it was drilling into Donnie's brain, winding his muscles into tense springs as he waited for his sibling’s judgement to fall.  He could feel the same tension coiling inside Leo, and from the way his fingers were fluttering Donnie had little doubt that if his twin still had his katanas he would have already teleported out of the room.

It was their big sister who finally broke the silence.

"I'm sorry you guys."

"It's fine Apes,"

"No, it's not," she shook her head, one hand landing on Donnie's shoulder as she reached out to Leo with the other. "You guys shouldn't have to feel like you need to hide things from us in order to have a say, and you shouldn't feel ostracized in your own care either. We did that, and I'm sorry for my part in it."

A chorus of "Me too," "Our bad," and "I'm sorry guys", closely followed her statement.

"Aww, you saps," Leo teased, but the smile he gave as Mikey and Casey Jr pinned him a hug was his genuine smile, big and warm and a little crooked.

"We'll do better. Raph promises," Raphel added, and Donnie allowed himself to be swept into his big brother’s arms with only a minor theatrical groan.

"Yes, yes, acknowledgements and apologies given and received all around. Now please loosen your grip. I don't currently have the proper equipment to withstand a full force Raph hug."

"Yep, that's our Donnie! Sensitive as a soaked cat."

"I beg your considerable pardon! I-"

"-am gonna quit stalling and tell us the results of test you guys ran. Come on, I'm dying to know! " April redirected the conversation with teasing poke to his ribs.

"Sadly, the results were less than conclusive," Donnie reluctantly admitted, resuming his slumped posture against Raph’s plastron once he was released from the hug. "It does seem to have some form of OS, but one that doesn't respond to scripts like java, python, or R."

"Did you really think it would?"

"It was possible," Donnie shrugged, new energy sparking through his thoughts as excitement for his ideas blossomed. "It is part of me after all, so theoretically it could have altered itself to fit my cognitive process the same way it altered itself to my biology. And it has, only it hasn't altered to fit my way of thinking, but rather to fit my ninpo!"

"Wait, you think in code?" Mikey interrupted.

"Sometimes. It saves time."

"How does that even-"

"Shhhhhhhhhhhh, don't question the nerd logic," Leo counseled as he casually covered Mikey's mouth. "Just roll with it. It's way easier, trust me."

"Are the interruptions done?" Donnie sniffed primly, holding down a smirk by sheer will as his blue and orange dumb-dumbs nodded in tandem.

"Right, as I was saying, I was able to ascertain that the thing is adapted to receive signals from ninpo, which is likely why it can be effectively suppressed for short periods of time by our collective network. We are likely overloading its command center."

"Okay, it takes commands from ninpo. Can that help with you guys going all hissy and bitey on us?"

"Theoretically? The issue is that while it might be responsive to ninpo, there seems to be an additional code needed in order to deliver and process commands. Some combination I have yet to determine. It also seems that the thing is very sensitive regarding the specifics of the delivery method."

"I'll say," Leo chimed in, "that thing is more sensitive than a diva on a bad day."

"Something you'd know nuthin about, right Lee?" Raph teased, sending the whole fort into riotous laughter as Leo gasped with playfully theatrical afront.

"Hey now, don't come crying to me for secrets when you start getting dry scales and crow’s feet while my skin is still dewy soft and gorgeous!" Leo jabbed back, batting his eyes as their big brother roared with laughter.

"Okay, okay, focus guys!" April giggled, leaning over Donnie to swat at Leo's knee. "Finish telling the story."

"Not a whole lot left to tell," Leo shrugged, covertly glancing at Donnie as the others reigned in their mirth. Something pulsed between them, a bundle of wordless intent and questions that Donnie could not parse but understood all the same. The nod he gave was minuscule, barely a dip of his chin, but Leo seemed to read it all the same.

"The thing got all riled when Donnie tried to feed it his nerd script. I think it tried to eat us again, but I kept a grip on things while DonDon here played scientist. It worked pretty good for a while, but I guess it kind of crept up on us without us realizing and won out when you guys startled us. Which, on that note, good call going with the main room for the ambush."

"That was Raph! I was the one who initiated operation BF-Prime" Mikey chimed in, beaming when Leo playfully rubbed his knuckles across the top of Mikey's head.

"Whoa, the big brain over here is coming for my job!" Leo praised.

"So, you were able to keep control, even as Donnie was messing with the thing?" Casey Jr asked, a thoughtful look crossing his face as he looked between Leo and Donnie.

"It appears so," Donnie nodded, the tips of his fangs needling the skin of his lower lip as he searched for the correct descriptive words. "It was like...like being in an ocean. As long as Leo stayed at the surface, I could dive under and still find my way back up."

"If that’s true then...maybe we could use that as the basis for some new protocols."

"Oh?" Donnie replied warily, barely resisting the urge to pull away as the attention zeroed in on Casey Jr. "What kind of protocols did you have in mind?"

"One's that let us help you guys’ figure this out, on your terms," Casey Jr assured, shifting away from Leo slightly to better face the group. "We were wrong to shut you guys out, but we also can't risk what might happen to you guys if we don't proceed with some caution. So, as a compromise, what if we set up a new system, using parts of your old home as a central testing ground. If we outfit it with security features, then you and Leo could have a stable place to both get space from us and to test out your control of the thing. The security could link to your computer here, and one of us could monitor it and be prepared to respond if something goes sideways."

"If we get the new tracking system working, we could even be collecting other lines of data that could be used for comparison later!" April chimed in, excitement growing in her voice. 

"And if something did go wrong, we could be there in no time!" Mikey added, nodding enthusiastically.

"Hmmmm...doesn't sound like a terrible idea," Leo slowly nodded, another indescribable pulse pressing against the back on Donnie's mind as he too slowly nodded.

"Indeed... though I have some thoughts. Like, how you would get in to assist us should we need it. Baring the side entrance, most of the old lair is too unstable to provide an additional access point."

"Simple, we'll portal in," Casey Jr replied.

"Wait...you mean I get my katanas back?!" Leo perked up.

"You both said you were able to stay anchored while Donnie poked the krang hound," Casey Jr nodded, fingers drumming back and forth across his knee as he spoke. "Your portals, in combination with the proposed alert system, should mean we'll be able to reach you in time to prevent the situation from devolving to alpha levels. What do you both think?"

"I could definitely handle the security measures so long as we keep it to portions of the atrium, and perhaps my prior abode," Donnie hummed, his mind already whirling through possible schematics and upgrades. "It would necessitate a trip to the junkyard."

"Okay. How about the day after tomorrow? Raph can help you carry back whatever ya need."

"Now that I have portal privileges back, we can drop supplies directly to the old lair and still have time to go to Hueso's!" Leo boasted, the joy from the return of his weapons turning the atmosphere of the fort tangibly sweet as they all continued to throw out ideas and suggestions for what Donnie quickly dubbed the "Theta" protocols. The conversation rolled on, slowly morphing from serious planning to outrageous boasts mixed with increasingly hairbrained proposals and double dares. The soft walls of the fort cocooned them in the warmth of and joy of their laughter, blocking out the world and its many problems for at least one night. Nothing, not even biology altering aliens, could pull them apart. "Heeeello?! Is anyone hungry or will I have to eat these pizzas by myself?"

Well, maybe not nothing.

"Pizza!"

Their fathers voice led to a stampede as the aromatic scent of cheesy, grease goodness filled the air. They all scrambled to find and exit, dirty tactics and old tricks liberally employed as each member of the family raced to be first in the kitchen.

"I call first go!"

"Keep your mitts off my meat lovers!"

"Hawaiian all the way baby!"

"It doesn't matter how many times you say it Nardo, pineapple on pizza is still an affront to decency!"

"Oh yeah? How about you decent deez-"

"Boy, do not even finish that sentence!"

Their father was waiting for them, already tucking into a slice as they all scrambled to grab their plates and divy up the spoils.

"Mmmmmmm is there anything better than the boneman's pies?" Leo moaned as he sank his teeth into a perfectly gooey slice.

"It's no hot soup, but I suppose it will do," Their pops teasingly grumbled, ears swiveling to lay flat as his words garnered rather loud protests.

[withlove-xixi]

HIHIHI!!

absolutely in love with your writing because?? oh my gods????? the way you write is so descriptive and i feel like im really there. i get butterflies and everything 🤭💕

do NOT feel pressured, but hear me out on chilchuck x reader with wings? he'd be such a shit, pulling on the feathers until you snap about them being sensitive??? he'd help you if you need help cleaning them. i feel like he'd be the type to either stroke them or pull them during intimacy [this has been on my mind for awhile and i think it shows 😔💔]

ANYWHO!!!!!! i hope you're well 🫂💕 as i said, do not feel pressured 🫶 have a good day/night!!!

-💐 [if not taken already<3]

— CHILCHUCK THOUGHTS: chilchuck x reader with wings

ᥫ cw: none ★ HELLO !@?#12 I LOVE THIS IDEA SO MUCH OMG ?? also hehe 💐 isnt taken yet so u can very much be that hehe!! thank u so much for the idea and im so glad you enjoy my writing! honestly even after all this time, i feel somewhat self-conscious for the way i write TT its always nice knowing that people enjoy it!

in all the things chilchuck has seen in his life, wings on a person is definitely up there on the list of most unique.

it's something that took some getting used to, and he'll be the first to admit it was definitely something that fascinated him. gods, he felt like such a creep when he first asked you about it (really he felt like laios, but that wasnt any different.. at least in this situation), he was walking on egg shells, choosing his words carefully, speaking slower to think more, pausing to gauge your reactions.

it was especially embarrassing asking you if it was okay if he could touch them, because some primal part of him drove him half-mad with curiosity. but when you let him and his hand actually presses against your feathers, they instantly become his new favorite thing (gods, again he feels like laios .. the image of the blonde's stupid smiling face fades into his brain and chilchuck has to restrain himself from bashing his head into a wall)

chilchuck didn't expect them to be soft, was all, so it caught him off guard. he had spent a couple of minutes mindlessly caressing your wings, really feeling the bristles of the feathers beneath his fingers. chilchuck's entranced, so much so he doesn't notice the flustered look on your face until you clear your throat. and instantly, his face matches the redness of yours lol

anyway, chilchuck is like .. in love w ur wings. always so curious about them and always itching to touch them LOL in a strange way, he feels so relaxed when he's petting them (definitely has fallen at least half-asleep while petting them) and idk .. chilchuck liking the touch or feel of soft and smooth things makes perfect sense to me tbh! he drags his fingers against the tips of your wings and watches the way the feathers glide under his touch.

chilchuck helps you preen your feathers too, often he's even first to offer the help. it started when he noticed you awkwardly reaching for your back, and at first he thought maybe the wings were uncomfortable, until he noticed the stray feathers poking between the neat rows. without thinking, he pulled them out and watched you instantly sigh in relief. since then, he's always offered to help you with preening them, and even cleaning them to some extent. it's been a big help and chilchuck doesn't mind the work (in a way, it reminds him of when he used to brush his daughter's hair)

another thing he likes about your wings is that it feels like a different level of intimacy, something he'd compare to washing another person's hair or watching over them while they sleep. it's nice, it makes him feel fuzzy in the chest. he's .. somewhat aware of how sensitive they are solely based off your reactions when he touches them. and honestly, he's too scared to ask more about it, but either way he's glad you trust him enough to let him be that close to you

also i think he'd come to have a deeper appreciation for birds too, which he thinks is strange. whenever chilchuck sees them flying around, he thinks of you for obvious reasons. but the connection only leads to further curiosity, like how similar are your wings to a bird's, what kind of bird is the most like you, etc (and it makes him feel like laios again and he has to stop and take a walk to properly recover)

[writersdrug]

Ghost x Konig x Reader: I Don't Need You (Ch. 6)

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Summary: You (surprisingly) get more comfortable with Kortac, and slowly let yourself connect with the team. You subconsciously tether yourself to Konig, who is more than willing to help you fit in. The pain of the past begins to fade into the back of your mind like the end of a long chapter of your life.

Additionally, Konig starts asking the hard questions - it unearths a piece of you that you'd hoped would remain buried, but you still share the memories with Konig.

Chapter warnings: Mentions of violence, mentions of rape, cursing, google translate German, shirtless Soap, very EXTREMELY watered-down mentions of sexual themes (we ain't there yet, boiis)

Notes: Sorry it took so long, I've got a lot cooking in the kitchen now and I'm hoping to pump out a lot this week!

Additionally, I've had some comments on this work not being an x Reader. First off, I never want to mislead anyone. I label this as an x Reader because Bonnie is not an OC of mine. I've seen other x Reader fics include callsigns that refer to the reader, so I assumed using Bonnie similarly would be alright. I also mentioned a name ONCE in chapter 3, "Jane Morris," which I thought to be a very generic name, and I haven't used it since and don't plan to. I have a personal preference of writing longer, chapter-by-chapter fics in first POV because it feels more natural to me than second POV. The same goes for using y/n - I like to avoid it if I can because it feels unnatural.

Again, those last two thing are a personal preference. I'm not bashing any fics that use these things at all, I enjoy both ones that do and ones that don't, and I don't enjoy one over the other. When I say one feels more natural than the other, I mean it feels more natural to write, not to read. I'm debating changing the name I used in chapter 3 to just y/n l/n to make this a true x Reader. If you still feel like I should change this to an x OC please let me know and I'll be happy to adjust the tags, titles, and descriptions. Again, I never meant to be misleading, and I hope I didn't make anyone angry. If a mistake has been made I am happy to learn from it. Thanks!

Konig had cracked the code on me. He figured out that after a case of American beers and a long drive, away from the crowd of new faces, my outer shell began to soften.

There was still a wall that I was holding up between me and everyone else, even though it was significantly smaller than usual. When Roze and Castillo approached me at breakfast, I didn’t get up and leave. And when Juno used the empty spot in the gym room right next to me, dropping his bag on the floor and giving me a cautious glance as he set up for his routine - I didn’t grab my things and move to the other end of the room. That was my first instinct, but I fought it. Instead I huffed, facing the mirror in front of me and focusing on my sets.

I’d started going to the common area more often – maybe not every night, but often enough. We’d make it a habit to play poker on the nights I did show up. I was better than most of the group, since none of them were quite used to my mannerisms yet. However, Konig and Horangi still took the lead as the winners, despite most of us arguing that they shouldn’t be allowed to play if they were going to wear their masks. The argument would eventually turn into a casual conversation – I didn’t engage in it too often. I preferred to sit and listen, using the time to slowly learn more about the team. I typically planted myself between Roze and Konig, keeping my legs crossed on the seat and nervously fiddling with my Yuengling bottle.

Although I was ashamed to admit it, Konig had become a conduit for my interactions with the rest of the team. The way he engaged with their activities, yet still managed to stay reserved, struck a chord with me. I respected the fact that it could sometimes be difficult to find him on base, and that at the same time, he was always there when I started to feel overwhelmed. I didn’t need him, no… that was a stretch. But sometimes I felt grateful that he was so eager to accompany me places – especially when he invited me to go on “perimeter checks” with him, which mostly consisted of long drives off base.

I don’t know how I had grown to appreciate him so much – maybe it was because he felt similar to me, in the way that we both needed our alone time, and with how we often found ourselves slipping out of the common area around the same time, with the original excuse being that we were tired. Half of the time, we would sit in the mess hall and talk until the early hours of the morning.

“A sniper?” I asked on one particular night, fiddling with the mouth of my beer bottle. “You’re way to big for that – no offense.”

Konig chuckled. “And that’s what they initially told me.” He took a swig of his (nasty) German beer. “But, despite being handed other opportunities, I proved them wrong. I’m sill a damn good sniper.”

I huffed. “Nah, you should be happy you got promoted to Colonel; you’re lucky, you get to avoid being in the trenches – at least, as much as the rest of us.”

“Lucky? No…” Konig said, shaking his head. “I do not like being a Colonel. I’d much rather be doing the dirty work of soldiers than writing these stupid reports.” He slapped a large hand over the manilla folder that sat on the table next to his beer. “It keeps my head busy, and I don’t have to listen to myself think.”

I nodded while sipping my beer. “I completely get that – If I’m not actively doing something with my hands, my brain gets too loud. Like – like there’s a mini me in my head, and the only way to drown her out is by physically doing something. Anything, really.”

Konig laughed – almost a snort – “‘A mini you’. I like that, that’s good.”

I huffed a laugh through my nose, turning my head to hide the smirk on my face. Despite being a large, brutish man, he had a youthful essence about him. It was hidden deep beneath the thick exterior of a war-hardened soldier. But, every now and again, it rose to the surface, touching a part of my soul I hadn’t allowed to be seen in a long time.

I pushed my stack of bills into the middle of the table. “All in.” I said nonchalantly.

Gaz narrowed his eyes, leaning back in his chair and looking down his nose at me. “You’re bloody stupid…”

“Or really smart.” I retorted. I folded my arms over my chest, not wavering under his intimidating gaze.

It was unbearably hot in the room – whether that was from the tension of the game or the broken air conditioner (Price eternally insisted it would be fixed, “… by next week…”), I didn’t know. I was donned in my sweatpants and sports bra, Gaz was in a wife beater and sweats, Ghost was covered head to toe in a sweatshirt and jeans (one could ever rarely catch him wearing anything less), and Soap… well, Soap was Soap. Completely shirtless, with only a pair of gym shorts on. Typical for him to be so shameless.

Ghost looked at his cards, his jaw clearly tense underneath his mask. He wasn’t very good at hiding his unlucky hand – it was almost like he wasn’t even trying. Which was a possibility.

“Fucking hell… I fold.” He tossed his hand onto the table, revealing his sour bunch of cards. He walked to the fridge and cursed under his breath, rummaging through the contents.

“Jesus, you’re a load of dry shite.” Soap commented, leaning against the wall adjacent to Ghost. “You could’ve at least tried to intimidate ‘em.”

“You could try shutting your fucking mouth, alright?” Ghost snapped back. Soap raised his hands defensively, leaving Ghost by the fridge.

He flopped onto the couch near me and Gaz. “Miserable sap…”

I did my best to tune out their bickering. I stared down Gaz, tapping my fingers on the edges of my cards. I was relying on the river card – I had a chance at a four-of-a-kind, praying the last card on the table would be another seven.. It was risky, and Gaz was probably right in calling me stupid. But I was never one to back down from a challenge. I craved the thrill of it. Most of the time, I ended up getting lucky.

Gaz chewed his lip. He cocked an eyebrow, slowly pushing all of his cash to the middle of the table. “Call.” He said.

And I heard it – the telltale sign of his bluff. A fraction of a second where his voice had waivered, followed by him grinding his jaw. I knew I had it in the bag.

I was savoring the moment of triumph, watching Gaz stare at his cards, when I felt a hand on my back. I nearly spun around and yelled at whoever touched me, until I saw a gloved hand place a Yuengling bottle to my right, the lid already popped off. I faltered, staring at the bottle, feeling the hand on my back rubbing a thumb back and forth over my spine.

I glanced behind me, looking up to meet Ghost’s eyes. He was looking down at me with an empty gaze. His eyebrows twitched for a brief moment as he continued rubbing his thumb over the skin of my back.

I knew what he was suggesting. What he was asking. Put a woman on a compound with broken, touch-starved men, and eventually one of them will succumb to the temptation. Even so, I was shocked that it was Ghost. I would say he was showing a weakness here, no matter what he decided to call this – it was an admission that he needed something – something from me, specifically – which I never thought would happen.

He continued staring at me for another few moments, waiting for an answer. Keeping my eyes locked on him, I took the bottle and drank; my reply. He gave the tiniest nod, walking away and sitting down next to Soap – who was shuffling the remaining deck of cards, eyes narrowed at Gaz. He knew he was bluffing too.

I turned back to Gaz, smirking as he revealed the river card.

“You ever think about what you would say to those kids now?” I asked, tapping my beer bottle. “The ones who bullied you.”

Konig hummed. “Mm… not really. I don’t hold too much resentment.”

I chuckled. “If only we could all be a saint.”

“Well, it all happened so long ago.” Konig tried to justify himself. “We were only kids, bored and trying to stay on the surface. They just wanted to look tough so that no one would pick on them. Of course, I wouldn’t understand that as a kid. Maybe then, I would have admired what I’ve become, and I would have wanted to boast about it. But now that I am a Colonel – Ich habe besseres zu tun.”

I sarcastically rolled my eyes. “And that means?”

“Ehh…” he groaned, squinting his eyes. “How is it said… ‘I have bigger fishes to cook.’”

I sputtered, turning my head and laughing. Konig glared at me. “Gibt es ein Problem?” he asked, which I sort of understood. He sounded irritated, that much I could tell.

“No, Konig…” I said, standing up and giving him a pat on the shoulder as I walked by. “Just keep up the English lessons, ok?”

He scowled. “Verpiss dich… Start learning German and maybe I will.” He retorted, and I waved at him dismissively from behind my back.

I stuck my head into the fridge, grabbing a Yuengling and one of Konig’s beers. I walked back and placed them both next to him. Like instinct, he took each one and hooked their lid onto the edge of the table, then smacked the side of his hand down on the tops, sending the lid clattering to the ground. He opened my beer and handed it to me, then repeated the process with his, before reaching down and collecting the lids. He added them to the pile, totaling six beer lids so far.

If someone had shown me this image a year ago – Konig and I, sitting up late into the night, chatting like we’d known each other for decades… not to mention the fact that I was so unusually open with him… I would have been insulted. I would have laughed. No one would have been able to convince me that I would become so attached to anyone else after what had happened with the 141. Yet, all of this felt so natural. It was beyond how I felt that Konig and I were kindred spirits… it really did feel like I’d known him before. Maybe, he reminded me of a part of myself that I tried to bury away.

Or, maybe, I was just submitting to loneliness and trying to justify how quickly I clung to the first available soul. That was also an embarrassing possibility, one that I would rather not admit to.

“I have a question for you.” Konig’s voice and the clink of his beer bottle on the table brought me back to reality.

“I might have an answer.” I replied.

He looked off to the side, perhaps wondering whether or not he really wanted to ask the question. “Who did you kill? And why?”

Just like that, I felt the walls being built right back to where I had them. Bonding time’s over. Back to square one.

His inquiry caught me off guard. I froze, my bottle hovering in the air before I could take a sip, my eyes glued to the table. Just the mention of the incident brought the painful memories up to the surface, like claws scraping at the dirt, digging up the deepest roots.

“Lots of people.” I said, deflecting. I took a swig of my beer.

“You know what I mean.” He scoffed. “Why did you end up in military prison?” He leaned over the table – clearly not planning on letting the topic go.

I sucked my teeth, staring at him defiantly – moments ago, it was pleasant talking to him. Now, I was fighting back the urge to leave him at the table and go to my dorm. I felt ambushed at how he had changed the subject so abruptly. Like he had been waiting for me to carelessly stumble into the trap, and now he was watching me snarl from within it.

He leaned back with a sigh. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. I just thought we were getting somewhere here.”

“Oh?” I said dryly, cocking an eyebrow. “’Getting somewhere?’ What’s that sup-“

“Hey, it’s ok.” He raised his hands defensively. “I get it. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” His words were forgiving, but his eyes said something else – I knew what he was thinking.

Weak.

I gave him a hateful stare. Fucker know how to play his cards.

“I killed a sergeant.” I admitted. “My lieutenant’s right-hand man.”

That got Konig’s attention. He leaned forward again, putting his bottle off to the side. “Why?” he asked again.

I inhaled deeply, then exhaled, as I leaned back in my chair. My eyes fell to the floor as I forced myself to recall the memories. “In Egypt, a while back. Don’t ask when because I won’t tell you.” I warned Konig, and he huffed – but obliged.

I continued. “We were going in to retrieve a hostile target. Everyone was jumpy – me included. It was dark, and we didn’t know what to expect. After the hostiles started to engage, we were scattered. I got stuck in one tower, so I went upstairs to try and make a foxhole.”

I paused. It was now my own hands, covered in dirt, clawing at the roots of the memory. Each word I said was painful, yet somehow felt overshared. Like I was trying to get Konig to pity me. Except I wasn’t – I just wanted him to listen.

And that’s exactly what he did. No comforting shoulder pat, no soothing words… he just listened. He knew that if he stepped on the wrong spot, it would break my openness, like a branch breaking under his foot would disturb the silence of the woods.

“The sergeant – ���Flare’ – he was up there, too. I thought we’d had the same idea, but… holy fuck…” I ran a hand down my face, feeling my heartbeat grow faster. “At first, I didn’t know what he was doing, I just heard him making those sounds and I thought he’d been hit, but… he was taking advantage of this – this woman – and with her kids right fucking there… she was probably just trying to hide, to hide them, she had to be so fucking scared… he didn’t even stop when I found him, I don’t know if he even heard me screaming at him.”

I paused, almost waiting for Konig to say or do something, but he remained silent. Despite my eyes never leaving the floor, I could see his blue ones watching me carefully. Concerned, patient, and calm.

“I didn’t know what else to do.” I said, my voice faltering the slightest bit. “So I shot him. In the head.” I unintentionally shivered. “Probably traumatized that poor woman and her kids, but… quick decisions aren’t the best ones.”

I ended my rant with a heavy sip of my beer. Konig continued watching me with wary eyes, which I ignored. I didn’t need consolation, or sympathy, or whatever he might try to offer. Somehow, he seemed to understand that.

“I would have done the same thing.” He commented.

Would you?

After a moment, he exhaled. “I don’t understand… I’d say you were in the right. Why did they put you in prison for that?”

I chewed my lip. “There was… some speculation, that I was jealous of his position. We’d been close throughout my time with the team, and when he got the promotion to second-in-command, I was a bit envious at first. People thought I was taking my anger out on him in what seemed like the perfect opportunity to lie.” I took another sip. “But I was happy for him. He worked hard, and he deserved it. But then the pressure got to him – Lieutenant was always depending on him for too much, and Flare couldn’t handle the responsibility. If he slipped up, it was a lot worse than if one of the rest of us did. I guess… the pressure is what got him in the end. Made him crazy in the end. He didn’t have any morals anymore.”

More silence. It felt uncomfortably loud – Konig’s stare seemed to make my head ring, making me fidget and bounce my knee. I wanted to snap at him. What are you looking at? Why are you asking so many fucking questions? But I was able to keep my anger at bay, justifying the situation by assuming his questions were fueled by nothing more than curiosity.

I figured I had said enough for the night, and finished off the rest of my beer. I slapped my leg, the telltale sign that I was getting ready to turn in.

Konig ignored it, or seemed to not notice. “Why did you kill him?” he asked.

I narrowed my eyes in confusion. “Why did I? What do you mean?”

“Why kill him? Why not just… disable him for the moment, and let your commander deal with him later?”

I opened my mouth to speak, but my voice was a second too late. “Again… in the heat of the moment, you don’t make distinctions like that. You think: ‘shoot,’ or ‘don’t shoot.’ And shooting him was the choice I made.”

Konig’s gaze became scrutinous. He knew I was lying about something… he was hellbent on figuring out what.

He’s going to have to wait a long damn time.

“Goodnight, Konig.” I said flatly. I collected my bottles, getting up from the table. With a clang, I tossed them into the bin by the exit, walking down the hall and leaving Konig sitting alone in the mess hall. I feel tears stinging my eyes, but that’s all they did. It’s all just water under the bridge, y/n. Get it together. You’re alright.

-----

Taglist: @igotmajordaddyissues @princekonig @vixionix

[toxicanonymity]

Shooting Practice

1600 words, raider!Joel x f!reader

mood board by @milla-frenchy

A/N: FLASHBACK TO BEFORE YOU ESCAPE.. This isn't what I was working on 🚬🤡. WARNINGS: I8+ inner conflict, dubcon p in V (captivity), angst. plz suspend disbelief about shooting, etc. Raider Joel Master List, His trailer

FLASHBACK / IMAGINE

Between "Stash House" and "Failed Escape. "

Joel leaves you in his trailer sometimes if he isn't taking you on a raid. His trailer is nice compared to the stash house. Especially because his men aren't there, but it's also a little cleaner. You sense he’s a practical man. He doesn’t have things he doesn't need, aside from whiskey. He could sleep on the ground with nothing. The fact that his bed has sheets and a blanket–no, the fact that he even has a bed and lets you sleep in it–feels like a luxury. He doesn't just let you sleep in it. He holds you. It feels more protective than affectionate but you feel safe.

Joel only uses the bedroom, bathroom, and kitchen. When you come in the front door, you enter into the eating area, and turn left for the bathroom and bedroom. But if you turn to the right, there’s more. It’s a small galley kitchen. There’s a pantry full of ammunition and cabinets to your right, a utility closet, a closet, and then a room you’ve never seen Joel use.

In the living room, the carpet is scratched through in some places. It’s dusty. There’s an old forlorn sofa. The roof leaks on that end of the trailer. There’s a giant spot on the thin, blue, speckled carpet.The carpet is full of stains with various items scattered around. A dust buster. Two empty pet bowls in the corner, covered in cobwebs. There’s a TV/VCR combo and a radio. There are shelves with warped and faded books.

The first time you notice the children’s books, it makes your stomach turn. You ask Joel who used to live there. Hell if he knows, it was empty, the whole trailer park was. Most of the trailers are gutted, their insides destroyed by a fire. This one had been far enough away. You try not to think too much about who used to live there. You try spending time in the living room and it feels like your own space, but it's also spooky.

Joel has one of his men keeping an eye on you from down the hill, but it's for protection--to stop any of his men from going up there. You're allowed to go outside. When you have an opportunity, you explore the immediate area around the trailer– the top of the hill, and the woods. There isn’t much to see, and you don’t go far, afraid he’ll come back and think you’re trying to escape.

When you're hungry one afternoon, you try to forage for mushrooms in the woods. You find a collapsed, faded tent with a lump under it. Your gut tells you it’s a body. The next day, it’s in the same spot. You’re probably right. Joel always says it’s too dangerous, you shouldn’t go in the woods, and now you know why.

----------

One day, you’re feeling particularly restless, but you stay inside. When Joel gets home, he grabs ammunition from the pantry and is about to do target practice outside. You overhear him shooting when he does it.

“Can I watch,” you ask.

He glances at you skeptically, then mutters “yeah okay.”

You walk around back with him, the opposite side of the stash house, to the opposite ridge of the hill, facing the trailer park, with the woods on your left. There are shells of abandoned cars scattered behind the trailers.

The two trailers you’re looking at are marked up with spray paint, x’s, o’s, stick figures. One of the stick figures has a gaping hole in the head and smaller holes around it.

Joel sets up his rifle and gets down on his stomach, which gives you butterflies to watch. His triceps flex as he gets into position and his shapely lower body holds an interesting pose as he peers into the sight of his gun. He takes a shot and you don’t see where it goes.

“What’d you hit?”

Joel glances at you. “Trailer”

“Where?”

“See that guy with the hole in his head? went through that.”

You settle in to watch, legs folded to the side, fingers exploring a clover patch while he shoots. You pluck the little white flowers and consider making a crown out of them, but you would feel silly in front of Joel. You tear them to pieces instead with a lump in your throat.

Joel takes a few more shots, then asks, “wanna see?”

He scoots over and you swallow your emotions. You get on your stomach next to him. When you peer through the sight, you can see right through the trailer to the next one where he’s shot a large hole in the middle of an X. “wow,” you marvel. “all the way through?”

“yep”

“you’re really good at that.”

He cocks an eyebrow at you. “Wouldn’t keep ya if I wasn’t. Someone’s gotta keep ya safe, sweet pea.”

You nod and give a small smile.At this point, you’re still unsure where you’re better off.

You get out of his way. He takes a couple more shots while you pensively look for four-leaf clovers.

There’s nothing waiting for you back home, but sometimes, the way Joel plucked you out of your life doesn’t sit right. You didn't get to choose.

—------

Joel lets you watch him most days when he does target practice, and one day he asks if you wanna try.

"Look, uh, you don't need to be usin' a gun like this okay?"

"yeah, I know."

"but if ya wanna try it, right here with me. . .I can show ya."

"really?" He showed you his pistol before but didn't offer you could shoot it.

Joel nods for you to come over. You've shot a pistol before, in your old life, but never a long gun. You lay on your stomach, trying to emulate his stance. He moves your legs into position for you and you can feel the air on your inner thighs as your dress bunches up near your hip on your right side.

Joel cages you to the ground with his body, laying his chest flat against your back. He puts your hands on the gun and keeps his hands over yours. “You’re gonna wanna look right here.” He points at the sight then returns the hand to yours. “And hold the gun real steady. It’s gonna jump back at ya.”

“Okay.”

“Ready? I'll squeeze it the first time”

“Yeah.”

He squeezes the trigger and his arm muscles flex against you as he fires. It goes straight through the hole to the x. With Joel holding it steady, it doesn't jump back. The next time, he lets you pull the trigger while he holds the gun steady. When he shifts his weight in between shots, you can feel him getting hard. Each time, he puts less and less of his strength into it until he thinks you’re ready to do it on your own. He gets up off you and watches.

You line up the shot and take it. The recoil startles you even though you knew it was coming. The bullet pings a blank spot on the trailer next to the stick figure’s neck. You’re disappointed but Joel says “Good girl, look at that.”

-------

He takes the gun from you and puts it aside. Then he cages you to the ground again. He lowers his hips and you feel the shape of his stiff cock through his thin jeans. “my gun looks good on ya,” he murmurs.

You’re still up on your elbows. He put his weight on one of his forearms and reaches his other hand under your arm to cup your breast. He rolls his hips into you and gropes you. You’re getting wet. He does it once more, and you sigh.

"Not here," he says. "too exposed."

He begins to push himself off, and you feel the cool air against your damp panties as he sits back on his knees between your legs. He mutters, “fuck" and defies himself by reaching between your legs. He slips a finger under the cotton and when he feels how wet you are, he inhales sharply then mumbles, “gotta be quick.” When you hear his zipper, a wave of arousal hits you.

He hovers over you resting on his forearm again. "relax, sweet pea." You put your arms down and rest your head on top of them. "want it here, right?" He presses on the damp spot.

"Yeah"

He pushes your panties to the side and nudges his tip into place. You're wet but not quite wet enough. He spits on his hand and adds saliva to his tip before returning it between your legs.

He lines himself up and shoves into you, his girth splitting you in two. Your body rushes to catch up but he doesn't allow much time to adjust. He slowly brings his cock back, then slams in with a grunt. Then he goes at a jackhammer pace, breathing vocally and railing into you until he moans "ohh, ah–" and slows his hips.

He plunges to the hilt and sighs in relief as he fills you with his cum. You whimper on the edge, almost there yourself, but you don't know how he'll react if you touch yourself, so you don't.

------

Maybe you'll have a moment to yourself later. Or maybe--you catch yourself wondering--maybe, he'll fuck you later and take his time. You shame yourself for the thought.

There's no mistaking what your body wants. It's always wanted him, but there's something that scares you now. You're beginning to fear it's not just your body anymore.

-----

Thank you for reading

she's afraid her desire/acceptance isn't just physical anymore

Next would be Failed Escape

the last line:

she's afraid her body belongs to him and not just herself

[twstjam]

Lost Invitation (Part 2) - Respond, if you please

Sorry, I said half an hour, but blocking people took a bit longer than expected <3 Starting from now I'll be blocking everyone who likes Lost Invitation without reblogging it. If you reblog it onto a sideblog and I've blocked your main, do tell me or you might miss out on updates!!

Characters: Malleus Draconia, Meleanor Draconia, Levan Draconia, Lilia Vanrouge, Silver (brief), Sebek Zigvolt (mentioned), Yuu (mentioned) Word count: 4.6k (sorry, I got carried away writing the draconia fam lol) Summary: You're committed to helping Riddle Rosehearts and his card soldiers in a war against followers of the Jabberwock looking to usurp the rulers of Red and White. You're also in love with a stranger you met in the woods who wants you to run away with him. Whoever said that love and war weren't so different might've been onto something. In your experience, they're both equally difficult. Nobody ever said that you had to choose between one or the other though. Masterlist | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Prince Malleus Draconia is not lonely.

He hasn't been since before he hatched, his mother had made sure of it. He has faded memories of dozing off to his mother's soft singing, listening to his father's long ramblings, and curling up in the safety of the right-hand general's presence.

After hatching, his mother had doted on him like any prince of the Briar Lands deserved to be. Her and Father had indulged his every whim and desire. The servants bowed and trembled before the wrath of a newly-born dragonling who, though only three feet long, snarled his grievances accompanied by licks of fire and brewing snowstorms. Lilia Vanrouge was the only one to not kneel so easily.

Malleus Draconia was a prince and a hatchling, but Lilia did not treat him as such. Lilia scolded him like he would Mother, a matured dragon, and only complimented or rewarded him when he earned it. Needless to say, he was not favored amongst the little prince's guardians… or so Lilia says as he laments on the times Malleus used to set his hair ablaze. It had enlightened Malleus as to why the general currently wears his hair so short as opposed to the portraits he'd seen, but the prince—as it is the nature of fleeting old memories—cannot vividly recall his caretaker's tales. They also struck him as incredibly odd and he concluded that as an infant he had been a foolish thing (despite his parents' insistence otherwise). After all, Lilia is his most favored caretaker. This favoritism had even led to Malleus seeking Lilia out when he had hidden himself away one day, giving the prince the honor of being the first to meet the general's adopted son.

Silver had been an enigma to him. How could a meek little human infant, a species which his mother mocked frequently for their weakness and stupidity, appeal to a hardened fae general? It was even stranger to him that Mother seemed to completely forget her disdain for humans when she saw the little bundle in Lilia's arms. Though he would never say it aloud, Malleus had felt betrayed when his mother had asked to hold the child and took him from Lilia eagerly.

This little… thing, could not even hold itself up or eat solid food, let alone seek it out itself. It was useless and weak and nothing like the fierce creature Malleus had been when he broke out of his shell. Or at least, that's what Malleus used to think.

Truly, Malleus must not have been as exceptional of an infant as his parents insist. Malleus had spent 20 years crawling, meanwhile Silver mastered walking on two legs in mere months. Instead of cawing and snarling, the child babbled and laughed, elicited smiles from those around him, made warmth swell in Malleus's chest when he called the prince's name for the first time. The boy had still been small, not even 5 years old, and yet he had been able to climb up Malleus's legs and sit on his lap when he had invited him to read with him.

Sebek exhibited similar speed in growth. Malleus had blinked, and suddenly the little halfling had risen from a screeching newt into a strong guard that rivaled his own grandfather. Sebek likes to shadow him, always quick to see to his every need and always eager to win his approval. It's overbearing at some points, but the boy is growing and learning and has come to put his loyalty to use for only matters worthy of it, learning from Lilia and Silver to not merely agree to Malleus's every breath.

The revelation for such a change brought all four of them closer. It's not rare to see the two young knights by the prince's side, the former general watching after them from not far off.

Suffice to say, Malleus Draconia is not lonely. Absolutely not.

As a matter of fact, he quite likes being alone; the peacefulness of isolation, the escape from his demanding responsibilities. He has to return to the castle at some point of course. He has duties to his kingdom, but no matter how brief, he takes the opportunity to have some time for himself. To have some time to indulge his desires instead of being Prince Malleus; to be away from the expectations of his subjects and parents and instead cater to only himself.

He never quite expected to meet someone searching for something similar. At the very least, not at the same place, and you continued to surprise him in ways he could have never imagined.

After all, who could have predicted that a revered dragon prince of the fae would fall in love with a human?

----

Perhaps to any other, days at Wild Rose Castle could be considered dull, either because of the dim lighting and black walls or the castle staff that always hurry by without a whisper of a breath and with bowed heads.

If one were to ask Malleus however, he would say that days at the castle are always hectic. It's a good day when the castle is serenely dark and gloomy, but on others…

"Your DISGRACE of an offspring is a pathetic sprite unworthy of my son! How DARE you even consider a courtship between them?!"

Lightning fills the throne room with a bright purple light. Three aristocrats yelp and scramble to avoid the strikes of lightning coming down from the ceiling. Princess Meleanor's glare is deadly as she lifts and aims her staff to bring down another volley of lightning.

"P-p-please forgive us for our transgressions, your excellency!" the patriarch weeps as his family collapses to the floor in frantic bows. From his throne, Malleus can see the family's young heir trembling with choked sobs. His mother isn't the least bit appeased, her glare hardening and her staff crackling with power.

"ENOUGH! I will not tolerate any more nonsense out your blabbering mouth! You have come into my home, insulted my son, and dirtied my floor!" Meleanor raises her staff with a furious snarl. The magic surrounding it strikes the ceiling and deflects into multiple bolts of lightning throughout the throne room. "GET OUT OF MY SIGHT AND DO NOT DARKEN MY DOORSTEP EVER AGAIN!"

The nobles scramble back onto their feet and skitter out with fearful screams. The wails of Malleus's attempted suitor echo through the halls of the castle until the doors slam shut behind them.

Meleanor raises her head proudly, huffing a satisfied plume of smoke out of her nostrils. Beside the sighing Lord Levan, Lilia Vanrouge has his head in his hands.

"What nerve, to ask permission for our Malleus's hand whilst showing such disrespectful behavior!" Meleanor spins around with a flare of her cloak and seats herself on her throne, one leg crossed over the other. "I should have incinerated that child where they stood!"

"I'm quite certain your outburst had spoken the message quite clearly, my lady," Lilia says with no small amount of disapproval.

"I agree with Lilia." Malleus's mother whirls around to face him with a betrayed expression on her face. "It is no fault of theirs that I failed to give my full attention to them. They had every right to call out my rude behavior."

Meleanor scowls and tosses her head again. "If you exhibit overly courteous behavior then those stuck-up aristocrats will become too comfortable to speak ill of you. As a dragon, you must present yourself as one!"

"That courteousness is the only reason the staff does not perish within breathing distance of him," Lilia argues. Meleanor shoots him a glare but he isn't deterred. "The poor boy already has issue forming relationships. Your volcanic temper is not doing him any favors."

"I will deal with those interested in the future king of the Briar Lands and my son however I wish! In case you have forgotten, I am your princess and his mother!"

"He is 178, he is not a hatchling, Meleanor!"

"Regardless of his age I have no intention of allowing him to be mistreated or his heart to be broken."

"At the expense of others?!"

"Yes!"

"Ah, there he goes."

Meleanor straightens up from how she had been bent over to glare at the short general and they both look over at Levan. They follow his gaze and briefly see Malleus's tail slipping out of the throne room.

"Darling!" Meleanor gathers her skirt to dash after her son. As Malleus makes his escape, Lilia groans and slumps over the arm of Levan's throne. His friend pats his back in sympathy.

"You really must do something about that wife of yours," Lilia grumbles. Levan laughs nervously, but there's also fondness in his eyes.

"She is simply doing what she thinks is best for our son."

"It isn't and you know it is!" Lilia huffs, craning his neck to glare up at the lord. The corvid fae smiles sweetly and leans towards him with his elbows resting on the armrest.

"Have I told you how much cuter you look when you're angry?"

Lilia sputters, face turning vibrant red. "Be serious!"

"I am serious," Levan hums as he reaches to tuck some hair behind Lilia's ear. The other general swats his hand away and he laughs at the flustered pout on the smaller fae's face. "I pity those nobles, truly I do, but like you and I, I have a feeling our Meleanor knows that our young prince is keeping a secret. So at the end of the day, there is no harm done, hm?"

Lilia gapes and blinks at Levan in bewilderment.

"He told you?"

Levan smiles secretively, a hint of mischievousness in his eyes. He must know as much as Lilia does then, and though he is relieved to know that his friend is supportive of Malleus's feelings, he still dreads the inevitable of Meleanor discovering it for herself. Meleanor is both temperamental and viciously protective of her child, especially since his life had been threatened after she laid his egg during the human invasion centuries ago. It's quite easy to imagine her most likely reaction to her son being interested in courting a human.

"He did. He also requested assistance from me." Levan looks up and his eyes brighten. "There it is now."

Levan waves his hand. Lilia's keen ears catch the sound of beating wings and he turns around to see a window opening. A raven flies into the throne room and settles on Levan's offered arm. The bird caws a greeting to Lilia before bowing its head to the lord.

"Welcome back, my friend," Levan coos as he strokes its wing. "What news do you bring from the Rose Queendom?"

Lilia perks up at mention of the Rose Queendom and looks at the bird with interest. The familiar makes a series of clicks and squawks. Lilia isn't the most fluent in corvid speak so he waits for Levan to translate, but when he looks to his friend, the other fae's smile has turned into an ominous frown.

"…It's not good news, I'm guessing."

----

Malleus typically finds comfort in isolation. It brings him the silence he requires to think and focus on both official and personal matters. Unfortunately though, for his current predicament, his most trusted method of comfort only seems to distress him more.

The conflict between the Rose and Lily Queendoms is taking it's toll on you. It's inevitable—He sees it a lot in Father and Lilia, how their gazes would sometimes look haunted by ghosts unseen to him even when doing the most mundane tasks —but that does not mean Malleus has to like it, or that either him or you should simply allow it to wear you down.

Sometimes, when he is speaking with you, you would get a faraway look in your eyes, lost in thought. During those moments the bags beneath your eyes look more prominent, your body thinner, your skin paler. You would apologise for losing track of the conversation and Malleus would excuse it, but within his chest a pit grew deeper and deeper, filling with irrational concern for you.

The desire to hoard and care for those most cherished to him isn't a foreign feeling to Malleus. He recalls that at a young age he would nest with his parents at night and steal Lilia and his father's weapons to stop them from leaving the castle for their duties. Now, he watches over Silver while he sleeps and sits at the water's edge when Sebek practices his swimming.

It is something normal for dragons to want their loved ones happy and safe, but the way he feels it with you is incomparable. He cares for you, (which had initially surprised him, to care for a strange human) there's no doubt about it, but more than anything else he wants to be the one to care for you, to ensure your safety. To take you away and tuck you inside his wings, to gift you all the luxuries you could ever need so that you would no longer be hurt or troubled.

And the strangest thing? He desires the same thing from you as well. For you to care for him, cherish him, want him, love him. For you to take his hand and let him whisk you away to somewhere the two of you could see and speak to each other every day, where you could sit and listen contentedly to him and him to you and help him with his woes like he wishes to help you with yours.

Confiding in Lilia had been what led him to realise his feelings for you. The older fae's recollection of his parents' courtship had been… concerning, but it reassured Malleus that his desires were not unusual and that, most importantly, his beloved caretaker accepted you.

It had taken more courage to approach Lord Levan, but he should have known that his understanding father would support him wholeheartedly. At Malleus's request, his father had sent one of his ravens to the Queendom and Malleus now spends almost every waking moment anxious for its return.

Telling his mother about you is… another matter entirely.

You were right that it wouldn't be wise to bring you into his home. He loves his mother, but like him, she possesses the nature of the dragon. She is caring, excessively so, and… incredibly protective, to say the least.

And to say that Malleus is fearful of her discovering his romantic feelings for you, a human—a race she loathes with her entire being—is an understatement.

You are fearless, perhaps a little foolish, but not saneless. She will chase you off as she has many others. The incident today was only one of many.

Regardless of his mother's ill manners and your reluctance to be with him, Malleus's heart does not stop yearning and yearn he does as he sits alone in his rose garden, innocent red rose in hand, plucking each poor petal after the other as his thoughts whirl around his mind uselessly.

Perhaps he should have been more insistent. Perhaps he should have taken you back anyway. Perhaps—

"Malleus?"

The click of his mother's heels on the garden's stone path grow louder with each approaching step. Meleanor appears beneath the rose arch to the gazebo and Malleus hurriedly brushes off the petals that have gathered on his lap.

"There you are. I have been looking for you, dear." Mother smiles as she walks up the steps of the gazebo, the long train of her skirt dragging behind her. She eyes the rose petals scattered around him. "What are you doing?"

"Ah. I am picking rose petals… for tea." His mother raises an eyebrow at his reluctant tone so he quickly diverts the topic. "Am I needed somewhere, Mother?"

"No, no." Meleanor sweeps up her cloak to that it isn't trampled beneath her when she takes a seat next to him. "I was merely worried." With gentle claws, she cradles Malleus's chin and lifts his gaze to hers. "I did not scare you, did I?"

"No—" Never, he wants to say. Even if she can summon the most destructive storms and move mountains with a snap of her fingers, Malleus can never be afraid of his mother, but the churning feelings in his gut lodges the words in his throat.

Malleus pulls away from her touch, looking away before he can see her frown. "I apologise, Mother. I exhibited behavior unbecoming of a prince in front of our visitors."

Instead of reprimanding him, his mother laughs. She's always so self-assured; with her magic, with her choices. It's one of the many things he admires but also envies about his mother. If only he can reach that point of confidence in his life much sooner.

"My silly little beast. There is nothing to apologise for," his mother coos, brushing a lock of hair out of his face with a careful talon. "You did no harm. After all, you have been so distracted because you already have your eye on someone, don't you?"

Malleus turns towards his mother, wide-eyed, and her eyes glitter with excitement as she grins.

"How did you—" Malleus stops himself. How is he supposed to tread this? "…Did Father tell you?"

Meleanor's smile falls. "No, but I am hurt you chose to tell him before me."

Malleus swallows. He laces his fingers together in an effort to make himself feel less unsteady. "How do you know, then?"

"Come now, you didn't think a mother would not be able to see that her son has fallen in love, did you?" Meleanor giggles behind her claws, eyes bright with eagerness. She leans in towards her son and lowers her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "Tell me, tell me; what are they like? How did you meet? And most importantly: When will I meet them?"

Malleus opens his mouth and pauses. What does he tell her? Every scale on his being is restless, eager at the presented opportunity to talk about you, but certainly, he cannot tell his mother about you. About your humanity. She would, as Lilia frequently describes it, erupt. He did not need that display from earlier in the throne room to know this well.

(He grew up all his life with it after all; His mother losing her head at every slight insult or threat towards him and striking it with bolts of lightning until it runs away screaming.)

Malleus does not fear his mother, let alone resent her, but he does rather often catch himself wondering what it would be like if she were not so hot-headed.

"They are…" Malleus quickly trails off as soon as the attempt begins. He glances at his mother warily. She is giving him her full attention. The support should be encouraging, but the dread within him only increases. "You cannot meet them."

His mother reels back as if he had shocked her with electricity. Her eyes widen and then narrow. Her brows furrow and her lips pull into a displeased pout.

"Whyever not? …Are you ashamed of me?"

"What? No, of course not!"

"Embarrassed, perhaps?"

"Far from it."

"Then do you fear that I would scare them off?"

"Yes— Ah, I mean—!" Malleus screws his mouth shut and looks away again. Meleanor chuckles in amusement.

"Silly beast," she tuts. Behind him, Malleus's tail thumps agitatedly and she twines her own around it to soothe him. "I am flattered that you think so highly of me, but I assure you that any mate worthy of you will not cower so easily before me."

Malleus wraps his tail around his mother's offered one, but his expression is one of scepticism. "How do you know for certain? Do you truly have so much faith in my choice of a partner?"

"Oh, of course not! You are still just a little beast after all," Meleanor teases with a light pinch to his cheek. "What I mean is that, whoever you choose, we shall know if they are truly the correct mate for you if they remain beside you regardless of any trials."

"Oh… I see…" Malleus lowers his head. He clasps his hands tightly together. He can still remember the phantom feeling of your own hands on them, of you pulling away from him. Of him watching your retreating back after once more rejecting his offer to take you away.

"Darling?" His mother places her hands on his and the memory fades away. "Is something the matter?"

"I… I want you to meet them, truly I do, but…" Your face flashes before his eyes again, with it your shy smile and your voice whispering,

"Someday."

Malleus gathers his resolve and faces his mother. "Not anytime soon, I fear."

His mother pouts again. "Oh, come now—!"

"I don't think they would fear you." There's no way to know for certain until you actually meet her, but it is something he's fairly confident in. "It is that… they are currently occupied and will not be able to make time to come to our lands in the near future."

Meleanor's eyes light up with newfound interest. "Oh? They are not of the Briar Fae?"

Malleus bites his lip anxiously. "Er, no. They are—"

A bird sings overhead. The two dragons on the gazebo lift their heads and see a silver-haired knight walk through the rose arch.

"Lady Meleanor, Lord Malleus." Silver dips into a quick bow and rises again. "I apologise for interrupting."

"Oh, Silver! What a pleasant surprise. Have you finished your training today? Come, come. It has been too long since we last spoke." Meleanor beckons to the young knight to sit next to her.

"Er, if I recall correctly, we spoke just this morning—!"

Meleanor doesn't let him hesitate for long. She crooks her finger and wisps of purple magic tug on his uniform until he's standing on the gazebo.

"I apologise profusely, my lady," Silver stammers as her magic fades off of his clothes. "But I'm afraid I cannot stay long, my father requests to see Lord Malleus—"

"Does he!" Meleanor's eyebrows are arched, her expression devious in a way both boys know does not hold good intentions for their respective fathers. "How fortunate, I was hoping to speak to him about Malleus."

"Mother—"

"Lady Meleanor—"

Before either boy could get a word in, magic begins to swirl around the princess's fingers and she chants, "Come, my eyes and ears, my wings and feet."

Magic swirls and shimmers around her. Beneath her feet, her shadow ripples, and a raven bursts out of it with a frantic caw.

"Now why are you in such a hurry?" Meleanor tuts, easily catching the bird out of the air before it could fly off. The bird squawks and flaps its one wing that hadn't managed to be caught in her hand. She directs a firm gaze on it and it freezes, letting a pathetic noise out of its beak. Malleus winces in sympathy.

"Where is my Right?" Meleanor looks down at her shadow, displeased, but quickly smiles again when she turns to Silver. "Give me a hand, dear."

With them pointing downwards, Meleanor pinches together the thumb and forefinger of her free hand. She makes a pulling motion and a squealing bat emerges out of Silver's shadow. It manages to escape the princess's grasp on it but only briefly before she catches it by its legs.

The bat squeaks and screams, no doubt profanities blasphemous when directed at the crown princess, but she is unfazed. Silver looks down at the poor creature apologetically as it clings to his uniform in an attempt to shake off the dragoness's claws.

"What is the matter with you? Stop behaving so childishly. Look, your son is being much more mature than you, how embarrassing." Meleanor forces the bat to let go of the boy and holds it upside down, continuing to be unfazed as it claws at her lace gloves angrily. "You should know better than to ignore a summons from your mistress."

She shakes the bat in a not-so-gentle manner and the animal grows in size and changes shape until Lilia is hanging by the ankles. The raven does the same, but Meleanor lets Levan go so he can perch on her arm more comfortably.

"—the matter with you! You absolutely insane princess!" Lilia yells once he's finally taken his two-legged form again.

"Yes, you're very adorable, dear," Meleanor says dismissively with a pinch to his nose. Lilia hisses at her, but despite his complaints there's no real heat to them and he calms down quickly. "Now, my loves, when were the two of you going to tell me that a secret someone has caught our Malleus's interest?"

"I sincerely apologise, darling," Levan says mournfully, and any amount of aggression in his wife's expression fades away when he pecks a kiss on her cheek. "but it was not our secret to tell."

"Alright, I suppose I can forgive that. I'm sorry, dears." Meleanor looks at her son and husband fondly but scowls when she turns to Lilia. "Not you."

Lilia sticks his tongue out at her without remorse. With difficulty, he twists around to address Silver. "You've found Malleus! Well done, my boy."

"Thank… you, Father."

"What is it that you wished to speak to me about?" Malleus asks, tilting his head in an effort to meet Lilia's eyes. The bat fae exchanges a look with the prince's father and then glances at the princess holding him captive.

"Perhaps we should wait until later—"

"Wonderful, since I wished to speak to both of you about a different matter." Meleanor's expression turns into a deceptively sweet one that immediately has Lilia's face souring. "My loves, would you tell Malleus that you also desperately wish to meet this secret potential mate of his?"

She flutters her eyelashes for good measure. Malleus sighs and shakes his head.

"Mother…"

"I know what you said, but perhaps with encouragement from all three of us we can twist a few rules…"

"Actually, my love, what we wish to discuss concerns this… person." Meleanor raises an inquisitive eyebrow at her husband sitting on her arm.

"What?" All eyes turn to Malleus. The prince suddenly rises from his seat, pupils thinned to slits. Leftover rose petals scatter to his feet. "Has something happened to them?"

"I apologise, Malleus, but Lilia is right." Levan casts a quick look towards Meleanor and Malleus understands immediately.

Meleanor looks frustratedly between her son and husband, unhappy at being the only one uninformed. "Now what is this about? Why are you so reluctant to speak of this person within my presence?"

Lilia purses his lips, determined to not say a thing, meanwhile Levan looks towards his son again meaningfully.

Malleus takes a breath.

"It is what I have been meaning to tell you. Mother…" Malleus glances at Silver standing to the side, at attention. "Silver is a human."

Meleanor blinks. She looks at Silver, back at Malleus, and then bursts into laughter.

"But of course he is, silly beast!"

Malleus attempts to continue, but she doesn't stop laughing like it's the most hilarious joke she's heard in a century. He looks to his father helplessly. Levan gives him an encouraging smile but the doubt that twitches the edges of his lips isn't very reassuring. Meanwhile, Lilia sighs exasperatedly and Silver frowns in confusion.

"Well, Mother…" Meleanor keeps laughing and the longer the seconds tick by the more his confidence falters. Perhaps… If he says it now, she won't hear and she can remain in ignorant bliss. "This person I am in love with is a human as well."

The laughter stops so abruptly that the deadly silence sounds as loud as a crash of thunder.

"What."

[monkie-kid-oc-showdown]

Zǐsè de (紫色的) (zoo-doe-da is basically the pronunciation) (she/her)

The monkey on her head is her pet named Macaroon.

(Small bit of background)

Zise de is technically a celestial being (due to both her parents being one) zise de was raised by Macaque however, because of drama between her parents and her mom leaving zise de with a different family for the better. She eventually ends up being raised by Macaque! Zise de has shadow manipulation powers she inherited from her mother, which is also another reason why Macaque was interested in raising Zise De when he found her! She is also best friends with MK but not that close with his other friends due to being very shy and introverted and having trust issues. Major trust issues!

Other things about Zise de:

Zise de is 16ish years old during season 5

Zise de prefers to stay at home unless someone (MK) invites her to something or when she gets REALLLLYY lonely.

Her favorite food is tortilla shells and apple sauce Her powers are shadow manipulation (just to restate that! :3 ) Zise de is skilled in fighting because Macaque taught her how to fight growing up

She currently lives in a treehouse she built

Xiāo Húdié (@keykittygirl)

Species : Xian Li

Age : 12 years old

Has the eyes of the color violet who's seen as precious by the kidnappers, but seen as a freak by her peers and caretaker...

Living in the part of the city who's not that really tolerable toward demons of all kinds...

But at least one caretaker love her with her life like she does to the other kids...

But as time goes she keep wondering why...

And what happened before she was found on that river...

The morning of her twelfth birthday opening the door toward the answer...

As the night before a strange thrump has plaguing her soul till she out of light...

It happened not long after she obtained the spear that her lovely caretaker claim has been hers since she first find her...

And it's feel like it stirring something in her...

Something that has long forgotten...

As she thought she just tired and need sleep to calm herself down...

But instead of those strange feelings fading away it only get worse...

Nightmare along with a feeling of something start to shatter plaguing her all night...

And in the morning...

The tiredness caused her to wake up later than she used to...

Feeling something is odd about herself...

Something fluffy brushing around her legs...

And the noise around her has increased in loud...

But she's to weary to care...

But an average bullying make her realize what different...

A pair of fluffy ears over her head and a long fluffy tail tucking out from her simple nightgown...

But it's not her alone who realize...

The others...

They see it...

The look in their eyes...

The scream...

The constant yelling of abomination, monster, freak, and others...

It hurts more than it used to...

All she can do was just run...

And keep running to the point she almost got in an accident...

But luckily, that unfortunate moment has lead her to meet the Monkie kid and the Dragon girl or as they prefer MK and Mei...

Hope start to spark in her heart...

Maybe...

Just maybe...

They can help her find the answer...

[angeliqueiguess]

Hidden Notes (mk.l)

001. Welcome

The apartment was smaller than Y/n had imagined.

The kind of small that made you question if you’d measured your furniture correctly or if you’d need to get rid of half your belongings just to make it livable. It had the unmistakable feel of a place that had been lived in before, maybe even loved at some point, though time had worn it down.

The wooden floors creaked with every step, the kind of creak that no amount of rugs could ever disguise. The ceiling had faint water stains and patches of peeling paint, as though it had weathered more than just the years. The walls, bare and slightly scuffed, seemed to echo her footsteps in welcome, as though they recognized that someone new had arrived.

It wasn’t perfect—far from it—but it was hers. And that was what mattered.

Y/n set the last box down on the floor with a thud, groaning softly as she wiped the sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand.

The sunlight streamed through the lone window, scattering warm, golden streaks across the room. It wasn’t much light, but it was enough to give the space a fleeting charm, enough to make the imperfections seem like they might be endearing someday. She let her eyes wander over the empty room, letting her mind play with possibilities. She could see where the couch would go, the corner where she’d create a reading nook, and the walls where she’d hang her art.

For now, though, all she could do was sigh and start unpacking. The process was slow, almost meditative. She moved carefully, as though unpacking her belongings might also help her unpack her thoughts. String lights came out first, hung in an uneven line along the wall closest to the window. They weren’t perfect, but they made the room feel warmer already.

Next came a stack of books, which she set neatly in a corner that she mentally marked as the future home of a bookshelf she didn’t yet own. One box, labeled “Kitchen Stuff,” sat untouched in a far corner. Cooking could wait. Right now, all that mattered was making the space feel less like an empty shell and more like her own.

As she shuffled around, placing things here and there, something caught her attention. Near one of the corners of the room, a piece of wallpaper was peeling away from the wall. It wasn’t unusual—this place clearly hadn’t seen a renovation in years—but something about it felt like an invitation.

Curiosity piqued, Y/n knelt down and gave the edge a gentle tug. To her surprise, the wallpaper peeled off easily, almost like it had been waiting for her to do it. Beneath it was a layer of cracked plaster, but her eyes were drawn to something else—a small object wedged in the narrow gap between the plaster and the wall.

“What the…fuck?”

She reached out, carefully pulling it free. It was a bundle of papers, yellowed with age and tied with a faded red ribbon. The edges were frayed, and the ribbon looked like it might disintegrate if she pulled too hard. Her first instinct was to leave it alone, but curiosity quickly won over caution. Slowly, she untied the ribbon, her fingers trembling slightly as she unfolded the top sheet.

The handwriting was uneven, like it had been scrawled in a hurry, but it was still legible. The words stopped her in her tracks:

"I don’t know where this path will take me, but I have to try. Maybe these words will find someone who understands."

A chill ran down her spine. She read the sentence again, letting the weight of the words sink in. It felt oddly personal, as though the writer had intended for someone—anyone—to discover it one day.

She flipped through the rest of the pages, each one filled with fragments of thoughts and sketches. There were rough, unfinished verses that could’ve been song lyrics or poems, all of them circling themes of escape, longing, and hope.

Some pages had small, hurried sketches of landscapes she didn’t recognize—mountains, winding roads, a lighthouse standing alone against a dark sky. Others were filled with notes that seemed like reminders to the writer themselves, scribbled lines like “Keep going” or “It’s never too late to start over.”

One page, in particular, stood out to her. Written in bold, deliberate handwriting were the words:

"Even in darkness, light finds a way."

For reasons she couldn’t quite explain, those words hit her deeply. They carried a strange kind of weight, like they were meant for her at this very moment. She looked around the apartment again, taking in the cracks, the creaks, the imperfections. It no longer felt like an empty, lifeless space. Someone had lived here. Someone had left a piece of themselves behind.

“Who were you?” she murmured to the silent room, her voice barely above a whisper.

Carefully, she folded the papers and set them on the kitchen counter. She’d come back to them later, she decided. For now, she had a new task. The wall where she’d peeled back the wallpaper needed fresh paint, and the apartment needed something else—new energy, life, a fresh start.

As she moved through the space, picking up supplies and envisioning her next steps, a question lingered at the back of her mind.

Who had written those words? And why had they hidden them here, waiting to be found?

She glanced at the papers again, feeling an odd connection to whoever had left them behind. The apartment, small and imperfect as it was, no longer felt like just a place to live. It felt like it had a story—one she was now a part of. And for the first time since she’d stepped through the door, Y/n didn’t feel so alone.

next // masterlist

taglist: @thegracerammy @kittydollzz

credits: @strangergraphics (dividers)

[quibbs126]

So I have some more vague ideas of the stupid Transformers AU thing from last night

I think originally it was going to just fade away, but last night I decided I might as well rewatch the original FNAF timeline videos since Part 3 made me realize I didn’t entirely remember what was going on, and so the mentality came back to my brain at 3 or 4 in the morning because I accidentally woke up too early

Anyways, on to random stupid ideas

So Orion is some strange entity, and quite honestly even Primus doesn’t really know what he is, even though he’s pretty sure he created it. Fortunately Orion’s full cosmic horror seems to be locked away due to currently having a mortal shell. Orion just sort of popped out of the ground in the middle of nowhere

Also for some reason my brain gave me this idea that Orion has this ability to basically become a corpse for a few hours while he just chills out in some weird spirit form. I think my brain borrowed it from a concept I had seen around for Aligned continuity’s Thirteen

Also Orion is under the impression that he has amnesia, and is unaware of his weird cosmic status. He wants to know who he is but there’s problems in finding that information, as will be detailed later

After popping out from the ground, he sort of wandered until finding himself at the mines D-16 worked in, and stumbling in there unaware of anything really happening around him

D-16 heard weird noises in his sector and went to check it out, only to find Orion in some equipment and they both sort of freaked out at the sight of each other, D might have punched him out of reflex and shock, and Orion accidentally went corpse mode

D-16 now thinks he just accidentally killed this bot, which is made worse when he gets a good look at him and is 99% sure he is a higher class bot, on account of him being much smaller than the miners and having bright colors (which here would be like a symbol of class, duller/monochrome colors means you’re likely on the bottom rungs), and then later when he hears he has an actual name instead of a number. And if someone discovers he killed a higher class bot, he is at the very least getting fired and sent to prison, which he doesn’t want, so he hides the body so no one finds it and plans to dump it after his shift is over where he won’t be traced back to him

But later when he’s doing so, Orion reactivates and gives D-16 another huge scare, but this time he doesn’t attack because he realizes he probably shouldn’t try to repeat history, thinking maybe he was just mistaken the first time (despite him definitely looking dead)

He tries to figure out who Orion is so he can try and get him sent home (while apologizing for the whole situation), but Orion doesn’t know since he doesn’t really have any memories. D thinks he must have amnesia so he tries to smuggle him back somewhere until they can figure out what to do

Meanwhile Orion thinks he’s just made a friend

D first just tries sending him on a train to Iacon, but Orion refuses to leave without D, not understanding that he’s not really allowed to leave, and sneaks off the train to stay with him. He then tries to get information on Orion since he knows his name, though getting access to a database as a lowly miner is incredibly difficult, but he has no luck there since apparently Orion Pax doesn’t exist. Though he figures it may just be an issue of them having a limited database. And by this point going up to the guards isn’t gonna work because now he’ll be arrested for “kidnapping” a higher class bot

Basically the setup here is Orion hanging out with D-16 in the mines, with Orion trying to make his new friend happy, as he seems constantly stressed and generally miserable with his lot in life, while D-16 is trying to figure out who Orion is and how to get him back home without getting arrested

D admittedly grows to like the company of Orion, as he seems unaware of any sort of class difference between them and just genuinely wants to be his friend and be nice, but he also can’t deny that Orion’s unawareness makes his life a living nightmare now and things would probably be easier for the both of them if he just got back home

Orion also has this instinctual hatred for the government that he doesn’t quite understand (still a very corrupt Cybertron here), but will act upon. D-16 agrees that the government sucks, but hopes Orion doesn’t get into too much trouble defying it. Because he’ll be the one suffering the consequences

D-16 and the other miners are probably cogless, but they’re much bigger than the miners in TF One, with this D being closer to Megatron’s size. I’m not sure if Orion can transform or not though, but I do have a mental image of D just folding him up into a cube or something, harmlessly as he can easily pop out of it

I also don’t know how Optimus and Megatron come out of this scenario. Best I can say is that Orion unintentionally starts driving D-16 crazy as he finds no leads on who Orion Pax is, and becomes more and more convinced he isn’t actually real, or that he actually did kill him that first day and everything since has just been hallucinations and delusions. But I don’t know about Optimus since becoming Optimus probably means he can no longer be this chaotic little eldritch gremlin thing

And I think that’s about it. Now I have to go study for a quiz and probably start on that short story I have due tonight

[sergeantsporks]

writing request: something about Camila's perspective of the BI maybe? I really like how you write her.

When Luz had called Camila—well, gotten stuck in some sort of in-between portal, but the end result had been the same—she had described the Boiling Isles to Camila. And Camila had been struck by how mature Luz’s description had been—it had seemed so grounded, so realistic. Nothing like the flowery prose she expected from her daughter. Entering a fantasy world should have sounded like fairies and rainbows coming from Luz; in a way, Camila had been proud of her for telling it how it was.

Now she was certain Luz hadn’t changed at all, and that HAD been the sugar-coated, fairies-and-rainbows version of the Isles.

The place where they’d come out of the portal hadn’t been so bad. The red trees and grass had been strange, to be sure, but they’d held an eerie sort of beauty. And watching the kids unleash their full potential had been breathtaking. But the rest of the Isles?

Camila leaned against the wall of Hexside with a sigh. Luz had somehow neglected, in all of her descriptions, to mention that the Isles were one giant floating corpse. Sure, she’d heard the term “titan’s blood” thrown around enough times while the kids tried to build their door, but she’d just assumed it was metaphorical.

Although, come to think of it, wasn’t gasoline just the pressed, decayed bodies of dinosaurs? And what was sand if not bits of shell fragments from long-dead sea creatures? Fine. The ground itself being a giant corpse wasn’t such a big deal. She could handle that. The massive carnivorous plants that had snapped at Amity in the woods before Willow had calmed them down? Well, they were really just massive Venus flytraps, weren’t they? The… eyeball lamppost…

Camila shuddered. She didn’t have a good point of reference for that.

“’scuse me.”

A gelatinous blob slid past her, leaving a steaming trail of mucous behind them that seemed to eat into the floor.

A high-pitched whine escaped Camila’s throat, but she patted her face. No, she told herself, you are a guest in their dimension. It is rude to stare.

She could see why Luz liked this place so much. It was strange, and not the sort of cute, quirky strange that most people liked, but the dangerous, ugly sort of strange that tended to scare people off. Camila hummed to herself, a small smile creeping onto her face. Exactly the kind of place Luz would feel at home. She could see little parts of Luz everywhere—the pink flesh like when she turned her eyelids inside out, the cobbled-together creatures, and, of course, the magic. Luz had always had it—sure, not in the literal way that the witches here did, where they could snap their fingers and make a plant grow, but the spark, her creativity… it was magic all on its own.

Camila’s smile faded at the thought of Luz’s words to her. She planned to leave the Isles forever. Camila knew that was the promise she’d asked for in a fit of desperation, to stay in the human realm, but if she could take those words back, she would do it again and again and again. Sure, the Isles were dangerous, and strange, and if you’d asked Camila a few months ago when Luz had first come home, she would have said that she never wanted her daughter stepping foot here ever again.

But that would have been months ago.

Camila had seen Luz’s friends, had been living with them for the last few months. They were dangerous, she couldn’t deny that. Anyone who could do the things those kids could was dangerous. But they were also kind, and funny, and smart, and god, they were kids. Camila could picture them going to a regular school in the human realm as easily as she could imagine Luz, and it made her heart hurt to think of what could have been had Luz found kids like them sooner.

So, yes. She thought her daughter deserved to stay with her friends. But even if they built a portal that her friends could come through and visit every day, even if every single one of Luz’s friends decided to move permanently into the human realm, Camila would still want to take back her promise.

Belos had seemed to scrape the light from her daughter’s eyes. She’d seen it the moment Luz had come home. At first, she’d told herself it was nothing, that she was just tired from her ordeal. But that light didn’t come back, not really. She saw the heavy ache lift from Luz, the way she sometimes felt the heavy ache of Manny’s absence lift when she saw Luz smile, but it never left completely.

Coming here… despite the mess, despite the danger, Camila saw a little light return to Luz. Everything she met, Camila saw some of that weight disappear, like every eyeball and strange creature was a friend she got to meet after a long time apart. Belos had told her some terrible things, had blamed her for so much. But the Isles seemed to soothe some of that pain. Even as Luz told Camila that she was leaving the demon realm behind forever, her eyes drank in every detail, begging it not to go.

And when Camila looked at the Isles through those eyes, through her daughter’s eyes…

It was beautiful.

[hollygl125]

On the background of one Dr. Gilbert Grissom (a few further thoughts):

This is a note from my first story on my two favourite science nerds, and I’ve been meaning for a while to put it up here on Tumblr as meta. I’ve also added some additional thoughts at the bottom.

I’m sure almost anyone reading this probably has their own thoughts on Gil Grissom and his background, so I wanted to expand a little on what my thoughts on Grissom were when writing this, beyond what fit into the narrative. (I guess I should give a spoiler alert on this, but I assume anyone reading this has seen to the end of the first season of CSI: Vegas; consider that your spoiler alert for my comments in the last paragraph.)

Growing up in the era he did, and seeing his parents’ marriage when he was a young child (his mother later claimed she and Grissom’s father had never spent a night apart when he, her late husband, was still alive), I imagine a young Gil had at one time vaguely expected he would grow up, get married, and have the stereotypical nuclear family—because he would have thought that was just what one did.

Toward the end of his doctoral studies (which he apparently completes at the age of 22, though I don’t know if that’s after his August birthday in 1978 or before it in 1979), when he’s finally around enough people his own age, he meets a girl who likes him and who is nice to him, and he starts dating her, and he thinks himself in love—he just doesn’t know any better.

There’s no spark, but Grissom doesn’t recognize that. He’s also really into his studies and his other scientific pursuits, and they always take priority—science takes the pot. When the relationship with the girl ends, he isn’t upset. He still generally imagines some future family life for himself, though, because, again, that’s just what one does.

After his relationship with the girl ends, he tries to date occasionally, but his heart is never in it, and he’s very much just going through the motions. He doesn’t have any trouble getting dates if he wants them because, hello, he’s young Billy Petersen, and he’s a stone-cold hottie. He doesn’t even have to ask girls out. The liberated ladies of the 1970s (and on) are asking him out. Still, there’s never any spark on his side, but he doesn’t really get that; he still doesn’t know any better.

Plus, the science and now his job still always take priority; he loves them both. This is a self-perpetuating phenomenon because, as the things that really interest him take priority, his attempts at dating and anything even resembling a relationship (and I don’t imagine there being any other relationships of note, nothing longer than a couple of months, maybe, at maximum—and even then with him barely seeing the women) do not go well.

As a result, even more Grissom prioritizes science and work. So then the dating and any attempts at relationships go even worse; he’s really not into them, and his heart is still never in it; ultimately, they make him feel sad and disconnected from humanity. At the same time, due to all the horrendous things he sees on the job, his opinion of humanity is plummeting.

As this continues, he begins to think there is something wrong with him; he sees something inherently lacking in himself and how he is with other people, if he tries to get too close to them. He builds walls: barriers between himself and other people, barriers between himself and the rest of the world, barriers between himself and humanity.

Grissom’s earlier vague ideas of an eventual marriage and possible family fade out completely. He otherwise remains good-natured but detached. He fears being known. A shell grows around his heart. He still very occasionally goes out on a date or a few dates and maybe very, very, very rarely goes home with a woman, but at that point it’s all just to prove to himself that he’s made the right decisions and he’s not missing out on anything; it still leaves him feeling sad and even more disconnected. Things stay like this for quite some time.

Then, nearly twenty years into this process, after he is (in his own mind) truly a confirmed bachelor for life, he meets this young woman. Her beauty and her brilliance and her wit (I think he’d find her witty, given how much they seem to speak the same language and operate on the same wavelength) and all her other charms all hit him basically at once, almost simultaneously. For the first time in his life, he feels a spark, and she feels it, too. For the first time, he really cares about beauty.

But by this point Grissom has put up all these walls and grown this shell, and he’s fully convinced of his own ineptitude in relationships. So he has absolutely no f***ing clue what to do about it—this spark, this woman, this beauty. He feels like he’d be this inexperienced teenager trying to court the woman, because he’s never done any of this properly; he’s never actually cared about a woman like this before. He’s convinced that he would ruin any serious romantic relationship with the woman, that he’s just not good enough for her. And, the longer he knows her, the more convinced of her goodness he is.

For over seven years, Grissom has no real clue what to do. But then really, even though he seems to learn for a while, we could say that for seventeen and a half years he still doesn’t completely get it; he still has this underlying insecurity about his own suitability for love and relationships and marriage; he still thinks he’s not good enough for the woman. In the end, though, I think he gets it. He is fully obsessed with his wife (in the best possible way), and I honestly don’t think he gives a f*** about much other than her.

Now, if perhaps you want a reminder of the hotness of a young (’80s) WP, this is my favourite GIF. I also recommend you check him out as Richard Chance in To Live and Die in L.A., Russell Murdock (seriously, the DILFiest of all DILFs) in Amazing Grace and Chuck, and Stud Cantrell in Long Gone.

(This note complements what I describe in the third chapter of my first story, so I’d recommend checking that out If you’re interested in reading more!)

I have to admit that my ideas on Grissom’s background really were a “necessity is the mother of invention” kind of thing. I needed him to have a backstory that fit with my understanding of him from canon but that also got me where I needed to go in terms of the story I wanted to tell about him and Sara and their first meeting.

But I will also admit that I have very much drunk my own Kool-Aid on this matter; what was once an invention for storytelling purposes has very much become my own headcanon. The more I’ve thought about it, the more it makes sense to me. If Grissom had never even tried to be in a relationship, to date, etc. before Sara came along, he wouldn’t have been so resistant to it all. He wouldn’t have been so convinced of his own unsuitability, his own inferiority, his own unlovability. For that shell to have grown around his heart, something else has to have happened. He has to have gone through the motions. He has to have at least tried to put himself out there. He has to have tried and failed at least a little bit.

Anyway, that’s my opinion; your thinking may vary! 💛

[amaryllis-sagitta]

You might have posts about this already but I was wondering what your take on bringing down the Veil vs keeping it was?

I used to be pro-keep the Veil in Trespasser bc it was unclear what exactly would happen to the other races. But DAV makes it sounds like it'd be demons and Blight doing the damage and like, even with the Veil up it's been a problem? Taking the Veil down might actually be a way to finally resolve the issue? At the same time I get the mythological aspect (for Solavellan) of the Dreadwolf trapping himself + the Herald of Andraste joining the Maker but what about Thedas? And if Solas' lifeforce sustains the Veil and maybe makes it harder for demons to cross and manages to stop the Blight from leaking... what about the trapped spirits? But also Solas is clinging to a culture that has been long dead so keeping the Veil up = him moving on from the past???

Idk rn I haven't done deep enough lore analysis to manage to know where I stand, so I'm curious about your take on it is

This one is a doozy because there are sooo many factors

I'd like to approach this question from several angles:

What is the Veil really and what does it do?

What drives Solas to take it down?

What are the possible consequences of Solas taking it down?

What does the Veilguard do with the questions 1-3?

What is the Veil?

Early Chantry & Tevinter sources (from DAO mostly) claim that the Fade is purely spiritual in nature, and the Veil is a universal, nonspacial boundary between realms. There was a Codex in DAI I think that hinted the Veil is purely an epistemic boundary between states of consciousness. However, the events in DAI disprove these claims since the Inquisitor is taken to the "Raw Fade", a section of the Fade where one can travel physically; thus confirming the Magister Sidereal story about physical traversal into the Fade. Solas recognizes the Raw Fade as a section particularly "close" to the Black City (bearing in mind that the topography of the Fade is warped, so that the Black City is the epicenter seen from every "location" in the Fade).

Following this, it seems that the Veil is an all-encompassing boundary within the world, that separates sections of both the spiritual and the physical world at the same time. A long time ago there was an amazing lore theory that the Veil is like an interaction of wavelengths.

What I write in the following paragraph is my synthetic conjecture from the lore up to Trespasser: the Fade is like an egg (sic), with the Black City being the yolk, the spirit essence being the white, and the Veil being the shell. Solas's intention, as revealed in DATV, was to build a barrier around the Evanuris -- but something very different happened. As a result, it seems that the spirit essence got grabbed and squished around the Black City by that very barrier, creating the weird topology of the modern Fade.

There were many theories concerning the very structure of the world - some claimed the "one world" was vertically aligned between the skies and the earth, there was a thorus theory and non-Euclidean theories... what is sufficient for now is speculation that "when the world was one", the Crossroads and possibly the spirit realm too were placed in the physical sky, and that the Veil closed off a layer of that sky along with the Black City (there was a lot of speculation based on myths and stuff like the Inquisitor in DAI "falling upwards" through the rift to justify this).

It is not entirely clear to me whether Solas foresaw that his move would deprive practically half the world of its spiritual infusion, and as it follows, its "primal magic" and all that resulted from it. He quite likely didn't. The arc including DATV consequently portrays Solas as a character full of catastrophic mistakes and collaterals, as a foil to the Executors teased as masterminds of the keikaku doori.

Until the Magisters Sidereal, something held the Black City contained within itself. Solas reveals in DATV that the Magisters Sidereal breached the prison he made for the Evanuris, and because of that, the Blight contained in the Black City started leaking into the Fade and the physical world.

But there is more to it. Here's another piece that is purely my speculation: the Blight is just one of the ways the Void manifests itself in the world, and the Black City should be primarily considered a place of the Void. In fact, I uphold that the Void is a "productive negative" to the everything that's covered by the allegories of light & earth in Thedosian lore. Another way the "voidening" of the world can be observed, metaphysically speaking, is the deprivation of virtue, and that includes spirits turning into demons. The fact that a powerful Nightmare Demon has its lair in the Raw Fade might prove that whatever is in the Black City has a corrupting influence on the spirits as well - it either attracts demons by virtue of holding a memory of the Magisters Sidereal, or it proactively infuses spirits with evil, so to speak.

If my speculation makes sense, this would be a deeper, hidden pretext to want Fade spirits to disperse further away from the Black City, actually.

So, why does Solas want to take the Veil down? What does he think he will accomplish?

We get several layers of explanation in this matter. In DAI, he sarcastically mentions

"[He has no ideas] Not unless we collapse the Veil and bring the Fade here so I can casually reshape reality."

This jab with the low approval Inquisitor is noticed as foreshadowing, but not as often used when arguing what Solas's true goal is. Commonly, the discourse happens about the post-credit scene and Trespasser, where he puts more emphasis on "his people needing him", on elves losing their magic and immortality.

This is a point of contention in the fandom but personally, I do not entirely agree with a common claim that the sociopolitical layer of it all is his main motivation. Yes, he does look down on the mortals of Thedas and distances himself personally from modern elves. Yes, he needs convincing that post-Veil mortals deserve recognition in their appropriate metaphysical condition. Yes, only a year before DAI he killed/ "tranquilized" his best friend who claimed that mortal elves like Briala deserve a chance. Yes, he goes Farquaad on several occasions, acknowledging that taking the Veil down will likely have many casualties. Personally, I view this partly as a result of Solas's severe dissociation from corporeal existence that results from him regretting having joined the world, his long slumber and his confusion after millennia of absence.

What he really needs from the "un-Veiling" is the return of the primal magic and the Fade spirits "down under". The juxtaposition between him and Elgar'nan serves to show the difference between Elgar'nan as a full-fledged egotistical tyrant with an endless desire for worship and control, and Solas as a deeply opinionated and stubborn idealist who will use manipulation and violence when things don't go the way he thinks they should (or the way Mythal desires...). Despite similarly big egoes and a similar sense of self-righteousness, Solas holds a genuine attachment to some humanitarian ideals that drive him to incite his rebellion, advocate negative freedom and equity, and free slaves also in the post-Veil physical world.

Other than that, the confirmation of the spirit origin theory means that by "his people", Solas means Fade spirits arm in arm with the elvhen who formed bodies. It is confirmed by notes from Vir Dirthara that the two races maintained fraternal relationships after the manifestation of the elvhen.

This, of course, carries catastrophic consequences. As far as Trespasser goes, these are very vaguely hinted; but what is certain, many people will not survive. The phrase he says in Trespasser is

"I will save the elven people. Even if this world must die."

"[...] the return of my people means the end of yours."

In The Dread Wolf Take You, he tells Charter:

"I have no choice. What I am doing will save this world, and those like you -- the elves who still remain -- may even find it better, when it's done." [P. Weekes, The Dread Wolf Take You, Tevinter Nights, Titan Books & BioWare 2020, p. 506]

So, at that point, he believes at least some elves will survive the catastrophe, but they will transform into a different people. As for other races - I don't think he really knows, so he assumes the worst, because every time he meddled with the fabric of reality, things went to absolute shit. He is really misleading with his equivocations here - as demonstrated, he uses "death" literally when it comes to potential casualties, but his intentions seem more aligned with the transitional and transformative metonymy of "death", especially when he speaks about the world at large.

Then, in DATV, he claims what he seeks is "restoration", which has a double meaning too - it's a change towards what had already been, but also -- healing. He repeats the phrase about the Veil being a wound that can't be allowed to prevail because through it, the organism is weakened and exposed to further injury and infection. And the broader context of DATV hints that this threat for Thedas isn't the Blight that came from within the world, but something external, yet unexplored.

In Metaphysics of Thedas, I have thought about what "this world" means in the context of the culminating scene of Tevinter Nights. Allow me to just self-plagiarize:

"The first time Fen'Harel mentions "this world", he means the destruction of the Veil and the post-Veil world order. But the second time, he mentions saving "this world"; he must mean something different. I think that, once we break that equivocation down, then the "world" in the second sentence means greater stakes, "all creation", just as he mentioned when he chastized the participants of the Mortalitasi's ritual. If there is any truth to this warning from Fen'Harel, the current order of the world is on a crash course towards collapse unless a demigod corrects his mistake." [source]

In the context of The Dread Wolf Take You and the secret ending of DATV, it likely has something to do with the Executors and "The Devouring Storm" that the Evanuris also fought. In that full context, taking the Veil down was built up as something Solas views as necessary in order to fend a greater danger off -- perhaps mistakenly, perhaps there was a different way to achieve it (as hinted by Callback from Tevinter Nights). Based on pre-DATV media, there is a way to see a setup for the Inquisitor and Varric to dissuade Solas, or maybe even to agree with his motives to a degree.

Still, the "death of the world" is as radical as it gets, and I firmy believe it starts from the metaphysical order, thought the most igniting and the most emphasized about it is the potential loss of life on the Waking side, and Solas's readiness to accept casualties results from him foreseeing the sheer amount of chaos a catastrophe of this scale will cause, and the upheaval that will follow, rather than fully calculated and deliberate killing. The difference lies in intentions and not necessarily in results, which to many will not be much of an argument. Applied ethics would grasp it through the doctrine of a double effect. The principle goes this way: An action, brought about for a purpose viewed as unequivocally good, has a catastrophic side effect. The said catastrophic effect can sometimes be more permissible if it was "merely foreseen" and not used as a means to an end.

This, I believe, is the way Solas justifies himself: the destruction of the post-Veil world order (so, the deaths, the destruction of infrastructure and societies) is not something he deliberately wants to do in order to restore the spirits and ubiquitous magic to the Waking world. It is something he "merely foresees" as a likely consequence, and what drives him is the preservation of "all creation", possibly.

What also matters is that he brings the Veil down the way he wants, in a controlled manner - which is why the ancient devices from DAI actually strengthened the Veil, and Solas frowned upon a thought of the Wardens killing the remaining Archdemons in their sleeps and thus making the remaining Evanuris expire abruptly - which would make the Veil degrade outside Solas's control and possibly even make the Black City burst open and unleash all the tainted bullshit, that would have destroyed the pre-Veil world had Solas not contained it.

And this is where we arrive to the most confusing part:

What does DATV do with that story arc?

Well, Veilguard unambiguously links Solas's plan with "drowning the world in demons" and going full Farquaad on the population of Thedas, and Rook gets multiple opportunities to either rant about how fake he is when he presents his perspective, or to psychoanalyze Solas with an intention of outsmarting or defeating him in the end. Throughout the game, we can see Fade rifts opening again everywhere, albeit they only seem to serve game mechanics, and they... seal themselves as soon as the enemy waves expire? The factor of gradual degradation that was hinted in the context of the Veil before (even when we activated the blasted Veil strengthening orbs, one of whom even Lucanis & Illario found during The Wigmaker Job) isn't showed very clearly here imo -- neither has it transformed into rapid degradation that would change the situation significantly.

Then, no matter what ending we choose, he ends up with the Veil bound to his lifeforce, and apparently also fully healed because... he isn't tainted? Because the Evanuris are out of the picture, so the taint is weaker and less aggressive now and nature is healing? I cannot lie, this conclusion sounds like a plot hole resulting from the need to funnel down the plot by its end. The nuance of the Veil situation might have been written off becuse it legitimately warranted a branching choice that, perhaps, sounded too Mass Effect 3: Defeat Solas and Keep the Veil Up, informed by DATV default state, Cooperate with Solas and Take the Veil Down, or Find a Middle Ground that acknowledges both sides and and make Solas deliver on his multiple promises to "minimize the damage".

Personally, I wish we had seen the Veil go down in the end, even as a branching scenario -- partly because it would have been a bold move, partly because it was teased in tidbits like Kordillus Drakon's prophecy of the Maker's return and Sandal's moment of prophecy from DA 2. It sounded like a worthy culmination to this series' apocalyptic themes, and a more organically tragic way to wrap up that part of the setting and leave a nearly clean slate for a ton of new worldbuilding.