#but the second time it was a conscious decision at like 11

[kiwriteswords]

hear me out, hear me out... is it possible to get shy!reader x bearded!hotch?????????????

Shades of Stubble

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Shy Female Reader||Word Count: 3k

Tags/Warnings: No use of Y/N, canon-typical themes, shy reader, teasing team, teenage Jack, bearded Hotch, post-season 10/11 with no Mr. Scratch, reader has a crush

Sypnosis: When Aaron Hotchner returns to the BAU sporting a beard after a rare week off, it draws more attention than he expects—especially from you, the shy but perceptive team member whose lingering glances reveal more than you realize.

Aaron Hotchner didn’t often take full advantage of the rare breaks the team received, but this time, a solid week away from the BAU had given him time to unwind—if that’s what growing a beard counted as. Normally, his morning routine was methodical, almost meditative—a quick splash of cold water to wake himself up, followed by lathering shaving cream across his jaw and carefully dragging the razor along the angles of his face. It was a task he’d repeated every day without fail, a ritual that helped him maintain the sharp, controlled image he knew his role required.

But when the break started, the razor stayed on the sink. The first morning, he told himself he’d get to it later. By the second, he rationalized that there was no harm in skipping a day or two. By the third, a faint shadow of stubble had appeared, and he caught himself in the mirror, running a hand along his jawline, curious. It wasn’t like the full beard he’d grown out during his time in Pakistan—this was something new, something... untethered. For once, he wasn’t adhering to his usual strict standards, and there was a quiet freedom in that.

He wasn’t entirely sure why he’d chosen to let it stay. Maybe it was exhaustion—seven days free of the ever-present weight of the BAU felt like both a luxury and an anomaly. Or maybe it was a small rebellion against the routine that so often defined his life. This was about as rebellious as he got these days, maybe a silent nod to his pre-boarding school days, but nonetheless. He didn’t have to answer to anyone for a week, and he didn’t have to fit into the box of Aaron Hotchner, Supervisory Special Agent. He could just exist.

By the time the week ended, the beard had grown in enough to draw attention, though he hadn’t considered how it might be received by the team—or anyone else, for that matter. It wasn’t a decision he put much thought into, at least not until he walked into the bullpen on Monday morning.

The reaction was immediate, though not unwelcome. JJ’s playful quip cut through the usual hum of activity, and heads turned in his direction. He caught Rossi’s amused smirk, Morgan’s raised brow, and—most notably—your wide-eyed, stunned expression. For the first time in years, Aaron Hotchner felt a little... self-conscious. But it wasn’t entirely unpleasant.

JJ’s voice rang out across the room with playful familiarity. "It's baaaack!"

Heads turned, but Hotch’s gaze landed on you. You were seated at your desk, a pen in your hand paused mid-air, as if frozen in the act of jotting something down. Your eyes widened when they met his, and though you tried to look back at your work, Hotch caught the way your cheeks flushed, betraying your reaction.

It wasn’t the first time he’d noticed you looking at him like that—soft glances quickly averted, the occasional stammer when he addressed you directly. He’d always assumed you were shy by nature, but there was something about the way you reacted to him in particular that stirred a feeling he hadn’t wanted to examine too closely. Not until now.

He crossed the bullpen, nodding a silent acknowledgment to JJ, who grinned knowingly and sipped her coffee. As he passed your desk, he noticed your gaze dart up to him again, only to quickly drop back to your notes. Your pen moved, but the faint smile tugging at your lips told him you weren’t really focused.

“Good morning,” he said, his deep voice cutting through the quiet bubble you seemed to have surrounded yourself with.

Your head shot up, your eyes meeting his again before flickering to the beard and back. “G-Good morning, Hotch.”

There it was—that hesitation, that barely there crack in your voice. You managed a small smile, but your hands fidgeted with the pen, betraying your nerves.

He nodded, letting the moment linger just a second longer than usual. “I hope you had a good week.”

“I did,” you replied quickly, almost too quickly, before glancing away. “Did you?”

“I did.” His lips twitched in a barely-there smile. “It’s rare to have so much time off. I’ll see you in the meeting room.”

With that, he moved on, climbing the stairs to his office, though he couldn’t resist glancing back once. You were still sitting there, staring blankly at your notebook, one hand pressed against your cheek as though trying to will away the blush.

The day moved forward with its usual rhythm—briefings, paperwork, follow-ups on ongoing cases. But throughout it all, Hotch found himself hyper-aware of your presence. The way your gaze flickered toward him whenever you thought he wasn’t looking. The way your voice softened when you addressed him. And, of course, the way your blush deepened whenever someone—namely Morgan—commented on the beard.

“Looking rugged, Hotch,” Morgan said during lunch, his grin teasing as always. “What’s the occasion?”

“No occasion,” Hotch replied simply, though he couldn’t help noticing you sneaking a glance at him from across the table. He decided not to meet your eyes this time, sensing you’d only shrink further into yourself if he did.

By the end of the day, Hotch found himself in the bullpen again, finishing a conversation with Rossi. As the older man walked away, he turned to see you standing by your desk, gathering your things for the evening. You glanced up and froze when you realized he was watching you.

“Heading out?” he asked.

“Yes, sir,” you replied, clutching your bag tightly. “I, uh... just finishing up.”

“Good.” He paused, then added, “I’ve noticed you’ve been very focused today. I appreciate that.”

Your eyes widened slightly, and for a moment, he thought you might not respond. Then you nodded quickly, your voice barely above a whisper. “Thank you.”

He didn’t miss the way your gaze lingered on his face—on the beard—before you ducked your head again, clearly embarrassed by your own boldness. He couldn’t help but feel a flicker of amusement—and something else, something warmer, deeper—at your reaction.

“Have a good night,” he said, his voice softer than usual.

“You too,” you replied, finally looking at him again. And this time, there was a tiny smile on your lips—shy, but genuine.

As you walked away, Hotch stood there for a moment, watching you go. He didn’t usually dwell on personal matters, but for the first time in a long time, he found himself thinking about something—or rather, someone—other than the job.

Hotch lingered in the bullpen after you left, his gaze fixed on the space you had occupied only moments before. The quiet hum of the office around him faded into the background as his thoughts drifted. You had always been reserved—soft-spoken, diligent, and almost painfully shy in his presence—but tonight had felt different. The way your cheeks had flushed when you glanced at him, the way your voice trembled ever so slightly when you said, “Good night,” lingered in his mind like a melody he couldn’t shake.

He wasn’t oblivious to the way you avoided his gaze during meetings or the nervous energy that seemed to bubble to the surface whenever he was near. At first, he chalked it up to his position, assuming you were simply wary of interacting with your boss. But over time, he began to notice the subtler details—the way your focus seemed to falter when he entered the room, the way your lips pressed together in a shy smile whenever he acknowledged you. He couldn’t deny that your reactions had begun to stir something within him.

With a sigh, Hotch headed up to his office, closing the door behind him. The mirror by his coat rack caught his eye, and he approached it, scrutinizing his reflection. The beard, now fully grown, had transformed his appearance in ways he hadn’t anticipated. It softened the sharpness of his jawline, gave him an edge that felt rugged and unpolished. It reminded him of a different time—a different man—but also felt like a small reclamation of his identity beyond the suit and title.

He ran a hand over the coarse hair, considering whether it was time to shave it off. His routine had always been a source of stability in his chaotic life, and the beard felt like an indulgence he wasn’t sure he could afford to keep. Yet, as he stood there, the image of your wide-eyed gaze flashed through his mind. The way your blush deepened when JJ’s comment drew attention to him. The tiny, shy smile you offered as you said goodnight.

A warmth spread through him, surprising in its intensity. He’d seen countless reactions to his decisions over the years—respect, defiance, admiration—but the unfiltered awe in your eyes when you looked at him tonight was something else entirely. It wasn’t about the beard, he realized, not really. It was about you, and the thought that he might have been the reason for that smile, fleeting as it was.

Hotch turned away from the mirror and sat at his desk, leaning back in his chair. The thought of shaving the beard felt distant now, almost trivial. He knew he would eventually, but for now, he decided to keep it—if only to see if he could coax another smile from you.

And maybe, just maybe, to hear your voice tremble in that sweet, shy way one more time.

Aaron Hotchner stood in his bathroom, razor in hand, staring at his reflection. The beard was staying—for now—but it was time to bring it under control. He wasn’t the type to let his appearance slip too far, and even if the beard was uncharacteristic for him, it didn’t have to be unruly. With steady hands, he trimmed the edges, shaping it neatly to suit his features. The coarse sound of the trimmer filled the quiet bathroom as he worked methodically, the precision calming in a way that reminded him of his usual shaving routine.

When he was satisfied, he stepped back to examine the results. The beard was tidier now, the lines clean and deliberate. It still felt like a small rebellion against the rigidity of his usual image, but it was a rebellion on his terms.

Jack’s voice cut through his thoughts from the hallway. “You’re keeping it?”

Hotch turned to see his son leaning against the doorframe, a teasing grin on his teenage face. Jack had grown so much, taller now, his voice deeper, but the playful light in his eyes hadn’t changed.

“For now,” Hotch replied, setting the trimmer down. “Why? You don’t like it?”

Jack shrugged, feigning disinterest. “I mean, it’s fine. Just... you look like you’re trying to be cool or something.”

Hotch raised an eyebrow, amused. “Trying to be cool?”

“Yeah,” Jack teased, crossing his arms. “Like, what’s next? Leather jackets?”

Hotch chuckled, shaking his head. “I think I’ll stick to suits, thanks.”

“Good call,” Jack said, grinning as he walked away. “But don’t blame me if people start calling you ‘Hotch the hipster.’”

Hotch rolled his eyes, a smile tugging at his lips as he grabbed a towel and cleaned up.

The next morning at the BAU, the beard caught its usual share of attention. You were the first to notice when Hotch walked into the bullpen, your eyes flickering up from your desk. As usual, you tried to hide your reaction, but Hotch caught the way your gaze lingered on him before you quickly looked back at your screen. He felt a small, unfamiliar pang of satisfaction.

Throughout the day, it became a pattern. Your eyes would drift toward him when you thought he wasn’t looking, and Hotch found himself hyper-aware of your presence. You seemed more flustered than usual, fumbling over your words when he asked you a question during a meeting and avoiding his gaze entirely when Morgan teased him about the beard.

It wasn’t until late afternoon that Rossi made his move. The two of them were standing by the coffee machine when the older man gave Hotch a knowing look.

“So,” Rossi began, casually stirring his coffee. “You’re keeping the beard.”

“For now,” Hotch replied, taking a sip from his own mug.

Rossi smirked, his tone light but unmistakably teasing. “I think someone likes it.”

Hotch frowned slightly. “Jack? He’s made his opinion very clear.”

“I wasn’t talking about Jack.” Rossi’s smirk widened as he nodded toward the bullpen, where you were seated at your desk, your gaze darting toward Hotch once again before you quickly turned your attention back to your papers.

Hotch raised an eyebrow, his expression carefully neutral, but the slight twitch of his lips betrayed him. “I think you’re imagining things.”

“Am I?” Rossi chuckled, leaning back against the counter. “You might want to pay attention, Aaron. She’s not as subtle as she thinks.”

Hotch glanced toward you once more. You were chewing on the end of your pen, deep in concentration, oblivious to the conversation happening just feet away.

He turned back to Rossi, shaking his head. “Let it go, Dave.”

“Sure, sure,” Rossi said, his tone dripping with false innocence as he pushed off the counter. “But for what it’s worth, I think the beard suits you. Clearly, I’m not the only one.”

Hotch didn’t reply, but as Rossi walked away, a small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. He wouldn’t admit it out loud, but part of him was glad he’d decided to keep the beard. If nothing else, it gave him one more reason to notice the way your cheeks flushed and your gaze lingered just a little too long.

Hotch was used to reading people—it was part of his job. He could pick apart the smallest details in someone's behavior, uncovering motives and intentions hidden beneath the surface. But when it came to you, he had learned to tread carefully. You were quiet, meticulous, and hardworking, but there was a guardedness about you that he respected, even if he didn’t entirely understand it.

The subtle glances, the flushed cheeks, the way your voice softened when speaking to him—it had all been easy to dismiss as shyness. But lately, he’d begun to wonder if there was more to it. Rossi’s teasing hadn’t helped, planting a seed of curiosity that grew every time your gaze lingered on him just a second too long.

The revelation, however, came unexpectedly, in the middle of a case briefing.

The team was gathered in the conference room, the case details spread across the table. Hotch was at the head of the room, presenting the profile, when he asked a question about the unsub’s potential targets. You were the one who answered, your voice steady but quiet, offering an insight that made the rest of the team nod in agreement.

“Good observation,” Hotch said, his tone even but sincere. “That could narrow down the list.”

Your eyes darted to him, and for a moment, there it was again—that slight hesitation, the way your gaze lingered on his face before you quickly looked down. It was subtle, but it wasn’t lost on him.

What followed, however, wasn’t subtle at all.

“Careful, Hotch,” Morgan said with a grin, leaning back in his chair. “Keep praising her like that, and she’s gonna think she’s your favorite.”

The comment drew a few chuckles, but your reaction was what caught Hotch’s attention. You froze, your cheeks turning a deep shade of red as you fumbled with the pen in your hand.

“I—uh—I didn’t...” you stammered, your words trailing off as you avoided everyone’s gaze, especially his.

JJ, ever the empathetic one, tried to steer the conversation back to the case, but Morgan wasn’t done. “I’m just saying,” he added, his grin widening, “you don’t see him handing out compliments like that to the rest of us.”

“Enough,” Hotch said, his tone firm but not harsh, cutting off the teasing. He could see how uncomfortable you were, your shoulders tense as you kept your eyes glued to the table.

The meeting wrapped up shortly after, and as the team dispersed, Hotch stayed behind, watching as you gathered your things with hurried precision. He could see the embarrassment still etched on your face, the way you avoided looking at him as you moved toward the door.

“Wait,” he said, his voice stopping you in your tracks. You froze, gripping the edge of the file folder in your hands as he stepped closer.

“Sir?” you asked, your voice quiet but steady.

“I wanted to make sure you’re okay,” he said, his tone softer now. “Morgan’s comments—”

“They were just jokes,” you interrupted, though your cheeks were still flushed. “It’s fine.”

Hotch studied you for a moment, his eyes narrowing slightly. He could see the tension in your posture, the way your grip on the folder tightened. And then, as if unable to hold it in any longer, you blurted out, “It’s not his fault. It’s mine.”

That caught him off guard. “What do you mean?”

You hesitated, your gaze flickering to the door as if debating whether to make a run for it. But then you took a deep breath, your voice trembling slightly as you said, “I—it’s nothing. I just... I know I’m not subtle. I’ve been trying, but...”

You trailed off, your words hanging in the air between you. Hotch felt his chest tighten, the weight of what you weren’t saying suddenly very clear.

“I see,” he said finally, his voice quiet but steady. “You don’t need to apologize.”

You looked up at him then, your eyes wide and uncertain. “I’m not making this weird, am I? I don’t want to... I mean, I know you’re my boss, and I shouldn’t—”

“Stop,” Hotch interrupted gently, his tone firm but kind. “You haven’t done anything wrong.”

For a moment, neither of you spoke, the tension in the room thick but not unpleasant. Hotch could see the vulnerability in your expression, the way you seemed torn between fleeing and staying rooted in place.

“Thank you,” you said finally, your voice barely above a whisper.

Hotch nodded, stepping back to give you space. “Take the rest of the day if you need it.”

You shook your head quickly, a small, shy smile appearing despite your obvious embarrassment. “I’m okay. I just... I’ll try to be more professional.”

“There’s nothing unprofessional about being yourself,” Hotch replied, his voice calm and measured. “Let me know if you need anything.”

With that, you nodded, clutching your folder tightly as you slipped out of the room. Hotch watched you go, his thoughts swirling as the door clicked shut behind you.

For a man who prided himself on being able to read people, the realization of your feelings hit him like a revelation he hadn’t seen coming. And yet, as he stood there in the empty conference room, he couldn’t deny the warmth spreading through him at the thought.

Aaron Hotchner lingered in the empty conference room after you left, the soft click of the door echoing in the silence. He was rarely caught off guard, but your words—and the vulnerability behind them—had shaken something loose within him. You hadn’t outright said the words, but the implication was clear. And now that it was out in the open, he couldn’t pretend he hadn’t noticed the signs before.

He sat down, his fingers drumming lightly against the edge of the table as he let himself think about it—about you. The way you’d look up at him when you thought he wasn’t paying attention, the way your cheeks flushed whenever he praised your work, the way you stumbled over your words in meetings but always managed to recover with a thoughtful, intelligent point.

And then there was his reaction to it all. How his gaze would linger on you longer than it should. How your shy smile had a way of softening the edges of his day. How, against his better judgment, he found himself looking forward to the moments you shared, no matter how brief or inconsequential they might have seemed.

He sighed, leaning back in the chair. He’d spent so long guarding himself, compartmentalizing his emotions to stay focused on the job. But with you, those walls had started to crack, whether he wanted to admit it or not. Your presence had a way of grounding him, reminding him that there was still room for warmth and connection in his life.

Later that evening, Hotch was in his office, going over the case files, when a knock at the door pulled him from his thoughts.

“Come in,” he called, expecting one of the team.

Instead, it was you. You stepped inside hesitantly, your file folder clutched to your chest like a shield. “I just wanted to apologize,” you said softly, not meeting his eyes. “Again. For earlier.”

“There’s no need to apologize,” Hotch said, his tone gentle as he set the file aside. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

You hesitated, your gaze flickering to his before darting away again. “I just—I don’t want to make things uncomfortable for you.”

Hotch stood and rounded the desk, leaning against the edge of it as he regarded you carefully. “You haven’t made me uncomfortable. If anything, I’m the one who should be apologizing.”

That made you look up, confusion flickering across your face. “What? Why?”

“Because I’ve noticed,” he said, his voice low but steady. “I’ve noticed the way you look at me. The way you try to hide it. And I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to make you feel self-conscious. But I also didn’t want to admit to myself that I’ve been doing the same thing.”

Your breath hitched, your eyes widening as his words sank in. “You... what?”

Hotch offered a small, almost hesitant smile. “I’ve been trying to ignore it. To convince myself that it’s unprofessional or impractical. But the truth is, I feel it too.”

For a moment, the room was silent, the weight of his confession hanging in the air between you. He could see the disbelief in your expression, the way you seemed to be processing his words in real time.

“I don’t know where this goes,” Hotch continued, his tone careful but sincere. “But I do know that I don’t want to keep pretending I don’t feel something when I do.”

You stared at him, your grip on the file loosening slightly. “I didn’t think... I mean, I never thought you’d...”

“I know,” he said gently. “I haven’t exactly made it easy to tell.”

A small, tentative smile broke across your face, and Hotch felt a warmth spread through him at the sight. It was as if some unspoken weight had lifted, leaving room for something lighter, something brighter.

“I guess we’re both bad at this,” you said softly, your voice carrying a hint of shy humor.

Hotch chuckled, the sound low and warm. “Maybe. But we can figure it out.”

You nodded, the tension in your shoulders easing as your smile grew. “Okay.”

For the first time in a long time, Aaron Hotchner allowed himself to feel the full weight of hope, the possibility of something beyond the job, beyond the walls he’d built around himself. And as he watched you leave his office, your steps lighter than before, he couldn’t help but think that this—whatever it was—might just be worth the risk.

Tag List:

@zaddyhotch

@estragos

@todorokishoe24

@looking1016

@khxna

@rousethemouse

@averyhotchner

@reidfile

@bernelflo

@lover-of-books-and-tea

@frickin-bats

@sleepysongbirdsings

@justyourusualash

[angelaness]

⑅ Self Discipline ⑅

Self-discipline is like having a personal cheerleader in your head, helping you stay focused and achieve your goals. It's the ability to control and direct yourself, making choices that align with your long-term objectives rather than giving in to immediate impulses. Think of it as the secret sauce for personal growth, productivity, and success. It involves setting priorities, making conscious decisions, and consistently putting in effort to reach your desired outcomes. Self-discipline empowers you to stay on track, overcome challenges, and ultimately become the best version of yourself.

Let's break down the essence of self-discipline in dfrnt aspects of your life

1. Morning Routine Magic:

Your morning routine is like crafting a daily sanctuary. Beyond skincare, imagine incorporating moments of tranquility like yoga or a quick workout. It's not just a checklist; it's setting the stage for a day of conquering.

2. To-Do List Love:

Your to-do list is a dynamic tool, more than a mere inventory of tasks. It's a glam planner, outlining your roadmap to success. Writing down your ambitions transforms them into tangible goals, making the conquest all the more empowering.

3. Snack on Goals, Not Junk:

Goals aren't just targets; they're your daily sustenance. Instead of mindless snacking, consider each accomplished task as a delicious victory bite, satisfying your hunger for achievement.

4. Wardrobe Power Moves:

Dressing for success isn't a superficial act; it's about embodying confidence. Your outfit becomes a statement, shaping your mindset for the day. It's akin to wearing a tangible boost of self-assurance. I want you to wear for the day you want, not the day you have !!!

5. Breaks Aren't Breakdowns:

Taking breaks is a strategic recharge, not a sign of weakness. It's not about slacking off but strategically powering up. These moments are not breakdowns; they are breakthroughs, allowing you to return with renewed sparkle. So don't beat yourself up when your really need the rest :)

6. Learn, Don't Stress:

In the face of challenges, see them as opportunities for growth. Self-discipline is not a pursuit of perfection but a commitment to a journey of continual learning. Remember, nobody is born with all the answers; it's about evolving.

7. Consistency is the Glow-Up Secret:

Consistency is more than a routine; it's the highlighter of your life's narrative. It infuses your journey with an extra pop, turning the ordinary into the extraordinary. Even on tough days, maintaining consistency becomes your guiding light.

8. Celebrate Small Wins:

Every step toward your goals, irrespective of size, is a cause for celebration. It's not just recognizing achievements; it's throwing a confetti party for yourself. Celebrate not just the destination but the entire journey.

9. Consistent Routine:

Envision self-discipline as a daily sanctuary, akin to your skincare routine. Skipping it is like neglecting a crucial step in your beauty ritual. Embrace it daily for a consistent, empowering glow.

10. Setting Goals:

Picture self-discipline as the GPS that is guiding you to your dreams. Establish small, attainable goals as waypoints on your journey. These goals serve as markers, leading you steadily toward your grand aspirations.

11. Prioritizing Tasks:

Think of self-discipline as your wise older sister, advising you on what truly matters. Prioritize tasks that contribute to your glow-up, whether it's acquiring a new skill or taking care of your well-being.

12. Resisting Temptations:

It's important to saying no to that extra slice of cake when you know you're full. Self-discipline aids in resisting temptations that might divert you from your goals, whether it's procrastination or unhealthy habits.

13. Building Habits:

Like establishing a routine of daily water intake, self-discipline helps in cultivating positive habits. These habits become second nature, contributing to your overall well-being and success.

14. Time Management:

Imagine self-discipline as a magical time-turner. It assists in managing your time wisely, allowing you to balance academics, self-care, and the pursuit of your passions effectively.

15. Learning from Mistakes:

Self-discipline is forgiving; it encourages learning from mistakes rather than dwelling on them. It's a compassionate guide, acknowledging that growth comes from understanding and overcoming challenges.

16. Celebrating Achievements:

Consider self-discipline your personal cheerleader. It not only recognizes but actively celebrates your achievements, big or small, in your journey of self-improvement and success.

Visualize self-discipline as your personal superhero cape, guiding you through the journey of glowing up and being super productive. You're on the path to becoming a true girlboss.

Keep shining doll !

Xoxo signing off,

Angela ꒰⁠⑅⁠ᵕ⁠༚⁠ᵕ⁠꒱⁠˖⁠♡

ps: this is my first post I hope it was informative enough as I am also in my own journey of being better mentally and physically and I see self discipline as something essential for that to happen.

[skythealmighty]

Wheel, the Paranoid: An in-depth scene-by-scene character analysis

"We aren't so much angry as very, very worried." - The School of Life

TL;DR: Wheel is not as mean or as angry as he seems on the surface; in fact, he's decently logical, but also paranoid and often worried about things everyone else brushes off! He covers up his fear with anger, and doesn't actually hate anyone (though he does have a sort of rivalry with WWFT). He also has a penchant for fairness in most things, doesn't like killing, and probably feels guilty over Felt Container's elimination. Most importantly though, he's distrusted Clock since the beginning, holding firm in his belief that something about this was very off- and unfortunately for him, was only proven right after he was eliminated. All in all, he's a very interesting character overall, not just because of his elimination scene!

FAIR WARNING: The full analysis below the cut is over four thousand words. There's no content warnings, but it's very, very long without any pictures. Have fun lol

IT’S TIME FOR THE [1:00] - Who’s Jason??

1:30 - “I’m having a weird feeling about today, a feeling that… something’s going to happen. Something bad’s going to happen!”

Note the panicked expression, and the worried expression that follows when Felt Container brushes him off. His first instinct is to look at the sky, too- maybe that’s paranoia, but he was the first one to notice Clock. And sure, he’s a bit mean about it, but it feels like he’s genuinely trying to warn Felt Container about whatever’s coming.

1:59 - “AHHHH! WHAT IS THAT!”

Probably the most reasonable reaction to a being like Clock appearing out of nowhere. He also seems to try and maybe scare Clock away? 

2:11 - “WHO ARE YOU?!” “Ha! Hi. My name is C.L.O.C.K.: Thing That You Tell The Time ohhh wait my name is not an acronym.” “WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US?”

Figuring out motives. He clearly doesn’t trust Clock immediately (good, but also furthers my earlier maybe-point about paranoia). Notice how he says “us” and not “me”, meaning he’s saying this for everyone (whether they would think to or not).

2:28 - “Okay, I’m in!” and 2:47 

In both of these instances, he’s the only one with a different expression from the rest. Narrowed eyebrows at the premise of a competition show (2:28), and disbelief (negative) at the prize (2:47). I don’t think he went “WOOOHOOOO” with everyone else- and he still clearly doesn’t trust Clock. Not yet.

3:06 - [The whole sequence leading up to the first intro]

I feel bad for him here; he looks genuinely afraid, especially when he gets closer to the ground. He still looks angry, but- well, he’s definitely more afraid than properly angry.

4:45 - “Dang, if only you were like a street lamp or crossing signal or something, would have had a cool team name idea for that.”

While No Way and 57 Ball are occupied with that conversation, Wheel looks offscreen. There’s no way of knowing where he’s looking, but from context clues, it would make a lot of sense if he was keeping an eye on Clock, given his immediate reaction to them. He only actually talks when it’s almost the very end of the time, and… it’s a BFB reference. I don’t know if this was a conscious decision by Wheel or just a reference for reference's sake, but it feels like he pulled the first thing that came to mind to pretend he was participating. (The nervous tone makes me think that he could be afraid of Clock doing something to him for not saying anything.)

6:47 - [Wheel pacing]

Okay, he says he’s doing the challenge here, but he’s more likely just panicking and saying he’s doing the challenge to cover that up. 

8:36 - “Team Earth! Where is your card?” “I KICKED IT!” “He kicked it.”

I’m probably reading into this way too much, but when he’s shaking (or vibrating intensely), it’s pretty clear that he really REALLY does NOT like Clock. (Either that or he’s hiding fear with anger.)

9:35 - “NOOO! That’s not fair, I demand that you host a second challenge, so that we can RIGHTFULLY see who-”

On the surface, this sounds like bratty whining, or nitpicking, but with the context of future episodes this could easily be read as Wheel being afraid of being UFE. After all, a wheel is random, and his team could be picked, even if they did the challenge. (This could also be read as proof for him actually caring a lot about fairness- more on that later.)

IT’S TIME FOR THE [2:00] - Best Source For Weather Information

0:30 - “I’m already out man… anyways, it says next up is Words With Friends Tile.” “LET’S GOOO!” “Wait a minute. H- HE DOESN’T HAVE ANY EYEESS!”

Very small and unserious moment, but another point to the “Wheel caring about fairness” chart. Someone without eyes could very easily win a staring contest, after all. (Of course then he gets into a fight with WWFT, but from the cartoon SFX and the blank stares afterward, this is probably lighthearted and maybe even a common occurrence.)

1:33 - “Yes!! I can’t wait to beat ALL OF YOU IN THE NEXT CHALLENGE!”

This sounds like a brag or a taunt (and in part it probably is), but after seeing this scene multiple times his expression seems over-dramatized… is that the word I’m looking for? Exaggerated. It’s likely he doesn’t actually mean it. (And then the intro sequence happens and he sounds equal parts nervous and annoyed at being picked up. It’s probably less surprising the second time.)

3:48 - “THERE’S NO MORE TEAMS! There’s no more teams!”

Unimportant detail but Wheel is glaring a bit at WWFT and then in the next scene glaring at him even harder (and vibrating in anger), probably because of the fight earlier. Silly little thing I wanna point out!

4:39 - “This doesn’t seem very fair…” “Sure it is!” “Oh okay!” “What.” “Well it ISN’T fair!! None of us even know how to DO the challenge!”

Another point for Wheel caring about fairness! Even when No Way blindly accepts Clock’s response to No Way’s point, Wheel challenges it in his friend’s (?) stead, and then points out another unfair aspect right afterwards. Of course, after his nitpick is fixed, he declares himself hyped for the challenge- this I believe easily, though, since he seems like the athletic type and likely finds this sort of thing cool.

5:15 - [Wheel, 57 Ball and Refill Station doing the challenge]

More proof to Wheel caring about rules- he doesn’t react to Refill Station at all, but he glares at 57 Ball when he sees him rolling on the rail instead of grinding with a board like the rest of them. 

7:14 - “Whuh!? One spot left??” [Vase shatters] “OUT OF MY WAY! HUFF HUFF HUFFF HUFF HUUAGHH I’m gonna make it!!” [Portal appears] “Huh?” “Yes! I’m out!” “WATCH OUT!”

Important moment, in my perspective. It furthers my theory of him being afraid of being UFE, since immediately after Clock mentions there’s only one spot left, he rushes forward recklessly enough to injure Vase. I’m not exactly sure if he really meant to do that, though, because he tries to warn Green before a scenario that’s sure to (and did) kill him. That’s his first kill, actually, if I remember correctly- despite him seeming mean, it’s clear he’s not the antagonist he pretends he is.

IT’S TIME FOR THE [3:00] - Next

0:58 - “Welcome back Pool Ball, Orange and Tire-” “DON’T CALL ME THAT!” “Okay!” “Wait last ti- huhhh???” “We lost the challenge, genius, I’m getting pretty used to this already.” “YOU… you’re the reason I LOST THE CHA-”

It’s not just me, right? Wheel seems extremely high-strung here- yelling immediately after only one minor button was pressed (Clock using the wrong name). From experience with my brother, I can see this being caused by one of two reasons- either he’s overwhelmed, or he’s guilty… or both. After all, he’s up for elimination, and he just accidentally killed someone. He actually seems to be mildly shocked at Green until Green snarks at him, which is when he snaps at him and accuses him of making him lose. I don’t think he actually blames Green- this feels more like a knee-jerk reaction.

1:20 - “GO AHEAD, DO IT!! JUST DO IT ALR-”

He’s definitely used to the intro sequence and hates it, but this feels like a massive overreaction- adding to my theory of him being on edge. He snaps at Green with a threat when he slams him into the ground a few times (maybe as revenge for Wheel killing him) and laughs at him, probably because Green is exacerbating the situation and adding to his stress.

2:11 - “Luck?? LUCK? I DON’T NEED LUCK!”

If I could guess what he would say next, it would be: “I NEED TO BE SAFE!” Uh… that’s my only comment for this bit, other than yep, I still think he’s tense.

3:09 - “You almost killed me, how did you get so many votes?!” “And I’ll do it again if it means people like me!!”

To be blunt, this feels almost like a confession. I don’t think he’s talking about his fellow contestants here, he’s talking about the voters- he needs their favoritism to be safe from elimination, and he’s willing to go pretty far for that. The game is picking up, the stakes are getting higher, and things are getting more intense. I don’t think he dislikes Vase or has anything against her, he’s just being honest. He also seems to be getting more into the game now, his competitive nature arising- despite his distrust towards Clock, he’s far more willing to play their game now that he’s won a few challenges.

5:31 - [Wheel getting water from Refill Station, then getting scared by Clock] “Water bubbler is NOT allowed, that’d be way too easy!” “Wait, what’d you just call me??” “You just SAID ‘get you a cup of water’.” “Yeah, it’s supposed to be a challenge, go on and-” “Hey, I have a cup of water for you Clock.” “...YES!!”

This is a long quote, but all of it is needed for the context. Wheel is taking the easy route here, rushing ahead of everyone else to do so before they think of it- he cares about fairness, but at the time of him getting the water, Clock hadn’t said it was against the rules yet. He’s sort of exploiting a loophole- which fits his admission earlier about being willing to do whatever to keep the audience on his side, just in this case pertaining to his willingness to take the easy route so he can be safe as fast as possible. (Also, his confident “heh, too easy” afterwards feels to me more like an expression of relief than a brag, but it is kind of both.)

6:12 - “Are you sure? It seems like people are already on their way to that lake over there, we gotta be quick.”

Wheel only has a very short (and easily missable) appearance here, but even though he’s safe, he’s keeping an eye on the game rather than relaxing elsewhere. This will be brought up soon.

6:48 - “I’ll be taking this!!”

Honestly, this whole sequence confused me a lot at first, kind of contradicting most of the assumptions I made about Wheel from 1:00 and 2:00. After a lot of consideration, though, I think I’ve come to a reasonable enough theory: he could have made this decision by taking inspiration from Snowball, who he’s quoted before and kind of tries to take after in terms of gameplay. After all, Snowball made it surprisingly far acting this way, and he does not want to be eliminated. This theory depends on whether or not BFDI as a franchise exists in ITFT’s world, though. (There are other theories I have, but they don’t hold a lot of water. This scene still kind of confuses me.)

IT’S TIME FOR THE [4:00] - Do NOT Use The Popcorn Button

1:02 - [Wheel revived] “...youuu don’t have anything to say this time?” [ `,:[ ] “Hm…”

It’s official, he’s used to (and REALLY tired of) the intro sequence. Also, the last few times he actually said anything before the intro, it didn’t exactly help his case, so he might as well just let it happen. He’s definitely not happy about it, though.

1:39 - “One two three four… I thought I put four of you up for elimination this time!”

His expressions here… sorry I don’t have anything to say it’s just. Boy why you so ò៱ó

1:59 - “I shouldn’t BE HERE, I didn’t even lose the last challenge!!” “Why don’t you just… leave then?” “You don’t WANT me here?” “No! No, I didn’t say tha-”

This feels like half catastrophizing and half playing into the Snowball role (as per my earlier theory). He doesn’t want to be at the elimination area, but he doesn’t want to be told to go away, either. Furthermore, I think his frustration here was aimed at Clock, not any of the others, but he had a knee-jerk reaction when No Way interrupted what might have turned out to be a rant.

2:07 - “You’re a loser brah-” “YOU’RE A LOSERRrrrr for the sake of my safety, I will try to use, nicer words.” “...okay?” [PUNT]

I’m not exactly sure how much beef Wheel has with WWFT, but it definitely feels like an ongoing thing- maybe a rivalry or something similar. He was very quick to fight him even before he started acting meaner, after all- and that at least explains him punting WWFT. As for the “for the sake of my safety” part, after a second glance, it’s likely he means safety during elimination, seeing as he looks directly at the camera (fourth wall?) right after he says this. (It seems, to me, that he already assumes he’s going to be up for elimination, and in danger because of this.)

3:54 - “Wellllll next safe is Wheel!! With 0 votes!” “...you’re… serious..?”

Okay this isn’t important at all but it’s really silly. I just wanted to put it here

4:02 - “NO! Let me do the rest of them, you don’t know what you’re doing!”

The thing about this is, he’s right. I have no way of knowing if he’s just trying to insult Clock here or something else, but I feel like this has a double meaning. Clock doesn’t know what they’re doing, and Wheel is aware of this- possibly because of previous eliminations- and his point is proven later by Clock quite literally admitting they don’t know what happens with the eliminated contestants as Green is turned into a radio. (Also, him calling WWFT “Words With STUPID Tile” is pretty funny, and a point towards the two of them having some sort of rivalry?)

5:18 - “Wheel, I think you permanently killed Polka Dot.” “Okayy, wasn’t me- no, really! It was Vase!”

Part of this feels like him defending himself in front of the viewers (plus it almost looks like he’s looking at the camera at 5:23), and the other part feels like he’s defending himself to everyone else, particularly No Way, maybe because the two of them have so far a neutral/positive relationship. Besides, he’s right- Vase was the one who had the idea for the Sun to shoot fireballs at Wheel and the cloud, even if Wheel did cause the cloud thing in the first place. He’s not the one who killed everyone through that.

6:00 - “Here are your teams for this challenge! And only this challenge!!” “Wow, uneven teams again? Huh.”

Another point for Wheel and WWFT having a rivalry- as soon as it’s confirmed that they’re on the same team, Wheel glares at WWFT with balled fists. Also, unlike in [1:00], Wheel no longer has an angry expression in the zoom-out- he does look mildly upset, but it’s more like he’s resigned, almost. He’s getting used to the game and Clock.

6:13 - “Can we name our teams??” “NO!” [ :( ] “...whatever, fine-”

I’m not sure exactly why he immediately says “no” (it could be for a multitude of reasons- playing into the Snowball act, or maybe it’s because he’s aware that the teams will only last for one episode), but the backtracking after Refill Station looks sad doesn’t feel as begrudging as it might seem- he plays the mean act, but he clearly feels a little bad about making RF sad. (I hate to compare this to the tsundere trope but honestly… this is a very tsundere thing to do. You know I’m right.)

6:44 - “WHAT IS THAT?!” “Yo, I think that’s Polka Dot!” “Oh hello Polka Dot!!” “Chill, chill, wait waitwaitwaitwaAAAAAAAAA-”

It’s the exact same panic that Wheel had upon Clock suddenly appearing, down to the words! The difference is, he doesn’t seem to try and hide that panic here, expression genuinely afraid as he looks between WWFT and Refill Station (neither of whom are panicking), and his default angry expression (the same one when he was dropped before the first intro) only returns when the polka dot void starts to spin them around. Once again, he’s worried when no one else is, just like in [1:00]. (It almost feels like his panic is exaserbated by the fact that he’s the only one panicking- they should be worried, why are they just accepting this?)

6:54 - “Come on guys, do the challenge!” “DON’T YOU THINK WE SHOULD SORT THIS OUT?!” “Nooo, no it’s fine!” “!lennahc eht egnahC !lennahc eht egnahC !LENNAHC EHT EGNAHC” “Actually, nevermind, uhh… yeah, let’s… let’s do the challenge. GO!”

Proving my last point, he immediately points out that yeah, maybe they should do something about the weird thing that just appeared; looking frustrated when Refill Station brushes him off, similar to when Felt Container brushed him off in [1:00]. He’s not so much angry as he is worried and frustrated that nobody seems to be validating his worry. However, when the polka dot void starts acting weird and speaking in reverse, he begins to look afraid again and starts trying to get Refill Station away from it. Though he’s clearly still a bit upset that no one’s doing anything about it, he realizes that it’s dangerous and then tries to protect himself (and others) by picking his battles and getting his current teammate away from the danger. Once again, it’s clear he’s not the antagonist he sometimes pretends to be- why would he do this if he didn’t care?

7:37 - “I mean we have so many loaves of bread, we could just mash all of em together into a nice bread structure, what do you guys think?” “Yeah!” “SIIIKE! AHAHAHAHA-”

This daydream seems kind of significant to me because of the people he’s thinking of in it- Polka Dot, Green, and Felt Container. Polka Dot is currently missing, and he was just recently accused of permanently killing her (also, the polka dot void could have reminded him of her); Green is someone he accidentally killed in [2:00], despite him trying to warn him; and finally, Felt Container is the first person he went to when he felt that something was off in [1:00], and who was eliminated the next episode. Given the pattern of Polka Dot and Green being people he had a hand in killing, this could mean he feels he’s at fault for Felt Container being eliminated and assumedly killed. (In fact, he could have even seen that elimination, but there’s no way of knowing if he did or didn’t.) Something, something, survivor’s guilt…

8:39 - “Oh, it’s you again. You trying to steal our idea??? Huh?? HM?!” “Bro, chill out. It’s literally Polka Dot.” “Oh YEAH?? Well, can you explain what THIS is??”

First, he doesn’t seem particularly enthused that they’re all back by the polka dot void, especially since earlier he was trying to get Refill Station away from it. Him ‘accusing’ the polka dot void feels kind of just like a silly joke, but it could also be him proving he’s not afraid of it or something- either way, though, he clearly doesn’t believe that it’s Polka Dot. (He also looks afraid/shocked when Polka Dot shows up in the thought bubble, a similar shock to when he first saw Green after he died. Just pointing that out.)

9:11 - “GUYS! I figured out what we can do!! We can combine all of our ideas!”

It feels like he’s somewhat abandoned the Snowball route by now- and also, he looks almost genuinely excited (or maybe proud) when he suggests this. Maybe he’s just excited that he’s sure his idea will win them the challenge, but to me it feels like he’s happy he realized a solution that could include all of the team. (He definitely cares.)

10:10 - “Didn’t you say this WASN’T a cooking challenge?” “This is nowww a cooking challenge!” 

Yet another point to Wheel caring about fairness- he immediately points out Clock contradicting what they said about the challenge when it was announced, because it now suddenly being a cooking challenge is unfair.

10:38 - “TRUST me Clock! I’ve had it, it’s very good. Yep! …ehh, actually, that can stay right there.”

He’s hyping up his team’s creation, or at least trying to, to possibly give them a better chance at winning the challenge. This could just be for his own sake, but I’m willing to believe it’s for the whole team’s sake too. (He definitely doesn’t want to be up for elimination, though.)

10:54 - “Vote for one of the members of eeuughhh-”

Pay attention to Wheel’s expressions here. Immediately, he first looks nervous on first showing up on the elimination screen. Then, he looks surprised and then mildly suspicious of Clock being there, followed by slightly startling at Clock disappearing from the spot he was looking at. He looks at Polka Dot a little sadly, and then at the screen, worried but resigned. To me, this mainly feels like he’s nervous about his fate at the hands of the viewers (though honestly, he has been this whole episode), but also guilty at possibly killing Polka Dot from the look he gives her- or sympathetic to her mild panic, since she seems to silently apologize for appearing to squish Clock. (I’m not wholly sure why in between those, he gives Clock such a distrusting squint- at least not specifically, since I stand by the fact that he’s been distrusting of the host since the beginning.) Whatever the case, this whole sequence says a lot about Wheel to me, even if it’s just from his expressions.

IT’S TIME FOR THE [5:00] - Fifty-Seven Tears Of The Star

0:56 - “Speaking of the elimination… I think… I wouldn’t mind, a bit of a delay?” “Oh, you scared or somethin’?” “NO, no, I just think… we should look for Tile!” […] “NO, YOU’RE JUST SAYING THAT ‘CAUSE YOU’RE SAFE!!” […] “Know what? SHUT UP! Y- y- man- I’m- I’ma do my own thing.”

That’s pretty clearly a boldfaced lie. He’s been afraid of being eliminated from the start, and especially last episode. I don’t even need to analyze this deeply at all- it’s clear to everyone, even the other contestants, that he’s lying. He just doesn’t want to seem scared, so he covers it up with anger. This has been a pattern since [1:00]; it’s just much more obvious now.

2:48 - “RRRAAH I hate those guys, I hate the GRASS, I hate the SKY, I hate the AIR, I hate the TIME- oh… hm.” “You hate what?” “YOU.” “You… hate me?” “YES. …here we go again.”

Notice how fast he’s speaking in the beginning. To me, it sounds like rambling for the sake of rambling- he’s frustrated and afraid, and he doesn’t know how to get it out properly, so he does this mini-tantrum. I don’t think he means most of what he says there- when kids react like this, they often don’t either- but I do think he means it when he says it to Clock. He’s never liked Clock, this is just the first time he’s openly saying it.

3:10 - “Oh my, please be sure to watch where you’re bouncing, you could have hurt somebody!” “WHO IS THAT-”

Well, isn’t this familiar? This is the same reaction he’s had to Clock- just less intense. This could indicate that he’s not just untrusting of Clock in particular, he’s wary of all strangers. Unsurprising, considering what I’ve analyzed already, but still worth noting. I could also be reading into this too far and he’s just confused, though. (Also, WWFT does an L dance at Wheel, that’s hilarious.)

3:40 - “EXPLAIN. NOW.” “I don’t know anything about that!” “CLOCK.”

As far as I can tell, he’s confused, so he wants answers and goes to the nearest person he can trust (No Way) and then to the host, who probably SHOULD know the answer. It’s not clear whether this is from distrust of Well, or just him panicking, but honestly it could be both.

4:06 - “Oh nonono end this nightmare, one Clock is ENOUGH!”

Okay, well, this is really funny, but also adds on to the fact that Wheel does not like Clock at all. He even sounds a little afraid here- which could be partly because it’s the elimination and he’s just generally nervous, though it would make sense if after all that’s happened he did fear Clock.

5:20 - “[Not like you’ll be around to hear more, bruh, you’re just kinda stupid, like. Overall.]”

At first, I thought this might have been a flashback of things he’d heard before, but more likely WWFT is saying these things in real-time and Wheel is just halfway tuning it out. (This confirms that WWFT and Wheel have a negative relationship, at least.) As for why he’s tuning it out, he seems sort of… pensive, almost. Lamenting. He knows he’s going to be eliminated (he has for a couple hours, at this point), he just kind of doesn’t want to hear it from somebody he clearly dislikes. It’s also possible he’s worrying about what will happen to him. (He could also be thinking about what WWFT just said earlier about 57, but that’s less likely.)

5:32 - “One… one… one, wh- NO-!” “AaaaAAA any final words, Wheel?” “I’m so mad at ALL OF YOU I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU MADE ME LOSE THE CHALLENGE!”

And here it is, the moment he knew was coming. He’s panicked, now, and doesn’t try to hide it, before reacting in the easiest way he knows how- blame, anger. He’s scared, and lashes out because of it, possibly falling back into the Snowball strategy on instinct. He still doesn’t mean any of it, though, as proven by what happens next:

5:43 - “Okay… I… do have a few final words, actually. The Sun, keep doing what you’re doing, you could be an absolute challenge BEAST!” “Thank you!” “Refill Station, you really just need to calm down sometimes.” “Oh my, I love this place, I love the grass, I love the sky! I love the- NEW FRIENDS!!” “What is even happening?” “You are the FINAL member left on our original team and I want you to know that I wish you luck!” “Oh! Thanks…”

This? He means this. This isn’t just him talking to team members, either- he’d never been teamed with the Sun. To the Sun, he encourages, to Refill Station, he gives advice, and to No Way, he wishes luck. In fact, I even think he had more to say, Clock just interrupted him! He cares, and though he’s used to being the mean one, he wants to make sure the people he likes know this before he’s gone, even if it ruins his image. (After all, he won’t get another chance to.) In this moment, he’s letting himself be vulnerable- something he hasn’t done since the start, and maybe even since before then- and it’s important. This is the crown of his arc. This is who Wheel really is behind all the anger and fear. (It’s just a little sad that he only feels like he can and has to do this when he has no time left.)

6:07 - “So… what now?”

The end. He’s hurting, and terrified, and yet his default response is a furrowed brow- he hides his fear with an angry expression. Even at the very end, he kicks and fights and bares his teeth. (No Way and Refill Station look distraught while they have to watch. No Way even reaches out to him, as if to help.) With everything we know now, this is honestly heartbreaking, but at least I can say his last actions proved my point:

Wheel wasn’t mean or evil. He was scared. And he had every right to be.

Thanks for reading!

[gars-weaponeer]

CLONE KINKTOBER 2024 (DAY 26)

Clone Kinktober list made by @olives-and-lilies You can see the list HERE

Day count: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | X | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31

Prompt: 79's

Paring: Fives X GN!Reader

Word count: 1,933

Tags & Warnings: NSFW, semi-public sex, alley sex, alcohol.

Summary:

Fives takes you out to have fun at 79's.

You can also read it on AO3:

You were not fond of this place. The crowd, the loud music, the smell of alcohol and sweat. It was dreadful in every sense of the word. But You knew this was Fives’ favorite place in the whole galaxy and thus you'd accompany him everytime he asked so he could have a good time with friends and brothers. 

At least Fives was trying to be a gentleman and bought you your favorite drink so you could enjoy yourself as best as you could, it was probably the best thing about coming to 79’s. The place was lousy but it had some of the best drinks you had ever tasted. 

Hours passed as you watched Fives chatter and laugh with some of his brothers, sometimes he would encourage another clone to go flirt with a cute Twi’lek, sometimes he would be pulled away to dance. Either way he was having fun and you couldn’t help but smile as you sat on the bar. You liked seeing him so relaxed and happy for once, free from the responsibility and the pressure of the war. 

You were already two drinks down and feeling a bit tipsy by the time your beloved clone walked over with a third drink.

-Mesh’la! You got to try this! - He said excitedly, offering you an unusual looking drink which glowed with an eerie blue tint. You could tell by the look on his face that Fives was already nearing his own number and was on that spot where he would make crazy decisions… Like ordering strange looking drinks to try. You wanted to make sure that you stayed sober enough to get you both back home safely, but Fives looked so cute, smiling down at you spectantly, that you just couldn’t say no to the ominous drink. 

-Alright, but If I start seeing pink banthas I’ll blame you. - You said, reluctantly taking the drink from his hands and giving it a good sip. It was surprisingly pleasant, sweet, fresh and it barely had any bite from the alcohol. But you could feel a pleasant warmth pooling on your belly as the thick liquid settled on your stomach. 

-Well?- Fives asked expectantly. 

-It’s alright… - You said, settling the cup down. 

-Aw shucks. I thought you'd like it. -Fives said a bit disappointed in himself, you couldn’t help but chuckle a bit. 

He had a habit of offering every new exciting thing he tried to you, so you both could enjoy it together. Despite knowing full well that you were not that much of a drinker and you were not as outgoing as he was. However, you found it adorable, it felt like a tooka gifting dead insects to its owner. 

But disappointment did not last long, as one look at the dance floor gave Fives a new idea, his face brightening in a way that made him look even more handsome in the dim light of the bar. -Hey! Let's go dancing! - He asks, grabbing at your hand and pulling you from your seat. 

You froze for a second. You were not that great of a dancer and you were very self conscious of how others might judge your lack of rhythm. Especially since last time you tried, you twisted your ankle and the whole bar witnessed your ungraceful downfall. Jesse and Hardcase were nice enough to remind you about it for weeks. So, naturally you were not keen about embarrassing yourself like that again. 

But Fives was offering you that smile that melted you to your very bones and you were left powerless about his demands.

-Fine, but just one song.- You finally agreed, standing up as you were guided towards the dance floor. 

Fives didn’t waste time to drag you into the middle of the crowd and start to dance with you. Pulling your bodies closer, holding your hands and setting a rhythm

Maybe you were more than tipsy, or maybe that drink had something in it, but you were starting to enjoy yourself as you and Fives danced to a steady pace. For a moment it felt like it was only you two, swinging your hips and twirling in your heels, while Fives kept you close to himself. 

He would press his chest to your back and hold you close by the hips as the dance slowly became more and more sensual. Not like you minded, you were suddenly feeling the need for fiscal contact and you responded by pushing your hips back and lifting a hand to caress Fives’ face as his head pressed closer to your shoulder. 

Fives spinned you around and pulled you close, chest to chest and he stared deeply into your eyes with his creamy chocolate ones. He caressed your face with one hand while the other roamed your waist and your hip. Those caresses started to be too bold for such a crowded space, but neither of you seemed to care. 

You were starting to feel the hot need between your legs and the sensual grinding of your bodies was not making it any easier to think straight. Taking advantage of the situation, you wrapped your arms around Five’s neck and pulled him down for a hot kiss, licking and biting at his lips with hunger, earning a deep growl from the clone’s chest as he returned the favor with equal fervor. 

By now you two were too horny to function, mouthing and groping at each other’s bodies while still on the middle of the dance floor. If you were being seen, you were far too busy to notice. 

However, before things could get hotter, or worse, Fives pulled away from you and grabbed you by the wrist, hastily pulling you away from the crowd. Without looking back, without saying anything, he pulls you out of the bar and into the lonely alley just behind the building. 

Fives took just a few seconds to look around and make sure you two are alone before turning back to you with a wolfish smile. 

You already knew what was about to happen, this wasn’t the first time you and fives had had a little too much fun during your outings. You pressed yourself against the wall and beaconed Fives closer with a finger, returning the flirty smile with a wink. The clone didn’t waste any time before pressing his body to yours and resuming the fierce claiming of your lips.

Without any restrictions you both start to explore each other’s bodies, caressing, grabbing and squeezing at every inch of flesh. 

You felt up his armored chest, his shoulders, his hips, his back and his ass. It was a shame there was so much plastoid on the way, but you would lie if you didn’t enjoy the heavy feeling of his armored body pressing you against the wall. 

In turn, Fives slided his hands under your shirt easily, exploring your body with practiced ease as he bit and licked at your lips, growling your name with each kiss. 

Heat began to rise more and more and soon clothes were starting to get in the way. Fives played with your belt and made quick work of undoing it along with your pants, letting them fall and pool at your ankles. The cold air hit your heated skin like a slap forcing a whimper out of your throat. Fives didn’t say a word as he turned you around and pressed your front to the wall, exposing your backside to him. He curses under his breath at the sight of your entrance, already fluttering and ready to take him, like it has many times before. But Fives was a gentleman, no matter how horny he was, he was not going to take you dry. Always prepared, Fives takes a bottle of lube from his pocket and pours a generous amount on his fingers, spreading it and warming it up a bit before finally pressing his fingers into your tight heat. It’s a bit hasty and fast, but you two are too horny to care. You need it now and you need it fast. Fives sank two fingers into you up to the knuckle and you rewarded him with a loud moan, pressing your forehead to the wall. Each rub and spread of his fingers against your sensitive walls sends a thrill of pleasure down your spine and a moan is torn out of your throat. Fives cursed to himself once more, the feeling of your tight heat clenching down on him sending a powerful shiver down his spine and straight into his crotch. Before long he is pulling his fingers out of you so he can undo the codpiece of his armor and free his aching member. Fives poured some more lube over his shaft, making sure to spread it well through the length of it before finally pressing the thick head against your fluttering entrance. He didn’t waste any more time before sinking deeply into you with one fluid thrust, groaning your name against your shoulder as you gasp and moan his in return. There was no time for adjustment, not when the urge is bigger than any discomfort. Fives started to pound into you with quick and hard thrusts, pressing you roughly against the wall as he chased his own need. You clawed at the wall and angled your hips so he could reach deeper into you, deep into that delicious spot that had you seeing stars. It was a dance, the pacing was evenly matched between you two as you moved your hips to an imaginary rhythm. 

Muffled music guided your movements, slowly picking up pace, getting faster and more eager with the chorus. Then the rhythm slowed down just for a few moments before it started all over again, rising up to reach the delicious climax that both of you desperately needed. You arched your back and called out his name as you felt the waves of ecstasy crash down into you, sending a shiver of delight down your whole body. Fives wasn’t too far behind, pressing you roughly against the wall as he sheathed himself deeply inside you, filling your insides with his hot, white essence. He growled against the nape of your neck and began to lick and nibble at it as you both came down from the height of orgasm.  

Once you could think clearly again you found yourself panting as Fives gently moved away from you, placing one final kiss on the back of your head. Feeling sticky and a bit gross, you pulled your clothes back into place, fixing yourself as best as you could while your boyfriend did the same. -Ugh, my head hurts.-   You complained slightly, dehydration and alcohol were never a good mix. Fives chuckles a bit before he opened his mouth to deliver one of his characteristic stupid-yet-charming jokes: -You know, you were supposed to say that “before” we had sex, Mesh’la.- He said, laughing only harder as you rolled your eyes. Stars, he was a complete moron, but he was your moron and you loved him more than anything in this galaxy. -How about we call it a night?- Fives suggested, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. Despite everything, Fives wanted you to rest if you were not feeling that great, he could be responsible if he wanted too. You hummed in appreciation and wrapped your own arm around his middle. -Sounds good.- You nodded as you both began to walk back home. Maybe next time you’ll try that eerie drink once more, see if it has the same effect twice.

I'm finally continuing with these! I was supposed to finish them last year, but life happened. At least I want to think that I will finish them before October comes around.

But If October does come around and I'm yet to finish these, please scold me.

ᴰᶦᵛᶦᵈᵉʳ ᵇʸ ˢᵗᵃʳˢ⁻ⁿ⁻ˢᵖᶦᶜᵉ & ᶜᵃᶠᵉᵏᶦᵗˢᵘⁿᵉ

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@clonekinktober @cw80831 Thank you for your support!

[magentagalaxies]

"tour of duty" (the filmed version of their 2002 tour) in general is just kind of a bizarre point for kids in the hall that i haven't really talked to any of them about but is hard not to notice when you look at their entire canon. like it's certainly good - there are some tour-original sketches that i highly enjoy and some live versions of filmed sketches that take a fun creative spin on it, but in general things just feel noticeably strange.

buddy cole specifically tells the fur trappers to "fuck off" (buddy very rarely swears and across all the buddy material i've watched for the documentary he's only said "fuck" 3 times across forty years). danny husk wins an award for being a high school vice principal and at&love isn't acknowledged in the bit. the "is he?" sketch has been revised to pack in as many euphemisms for gay as possible, putting the bit on top of another bit. and of course i have my chicken lady thoughts but i don't want to bias anyone else bc i genuinely want to know what your takes are before i share mine.

and again these aren't all bad choices - i think the danny husk vice principal monologue works really well and may not work as well as a different character despite contradicting the Husk Lore™️. but they're all very distinctive choices

idk there's two reasons i personally give for why tour of duty is so strange (to me at least, maybe other people don't notice). the first is that it comes less than 3 years after their other tour-film, the 1999/2000 tour "same guys new dresses" (also available on youtube!) i fucking love SGND and i'll be up front that it's my preferred kith tour video. but part of what makes SGND so special is that it's not just a recording of the live show, it's a full tour documentary following the guys traveling across the country performing together, occasionally showing full sketches but also delving into the stories behind why the sketches played out the way they did. and, sure, sometimes that means cutting out a sketch that i wish i could've seen in full (rip power of the suburbs) but my life is so much better for having seen the "laser eye surgery gossip" or knowing how much drama that goddamn robot-dog-prop caused.

so to then see tour of duty as a straight-up recording of the live show leaves that element of mystery, that we don't get to know why choices were made because we only see the end result. there was a conscious decision not to shoot tour of duty like SGND - the tour doc didn't do well financially, and they also had more of a reason to document that tour since it was their first time working together since the disastrous fallout of "brain candy," and first big national tour since the show ended. the circumstances were just very different

and that's true both personally and politically bc the second suspected reason for tour of duty's weird tone is you can obviously tell 9/11 just happened. two sketches directly reference it - bruce and mark's businessman characters sell scam patriotic products that are all just a rubber band, and buddy cole visits the middle east and ends up having sex with saddam hussein (tho fun fact this concept was written BEFORE 9/11). but the event casts an obvious shadow, especially since both the buddy cole bit and the danny husk monologue were recycled pieces from scott's cancelled one-man-show which was set to debut in new york city on september 19th 2001.

it's also interesting comparing this to SGND. the late 90s are often remembered through rose-tinted glasses due to a generally good economy in the united states and a lot of the social tensions with disenfranchised groups still bubbling under the surface rather than being talked about openly. SGND doesn't reference contemporary events much, but the closure of AT&Love from the KITH finale is undone since the economy has re-entered "rock-on fashion," and buddy cole comments on the Y2K computer bug being underwhelming. (i also went on a super long tangent on how the original show reflected the socioeconomic climate of the 90s but that's a whole other topic i need to go to bed)

i don't know how the KITH feel about "tour of duty." i can't know how much this strangeness was felt for them backstage, and i think in some regards it can only be picked up on as an outsider, albeit an outsider who has watched so much KITH content to know how their work evolved even when not on television. all in all, i'm glad "tour of duty" exists and even the swings that didn't really land for me are still admirable as creative choices.

it's also cool to analyze as someone who has now been to a KITH live show over 2 decades later and got to see those behind-the-scenes conversations play out. the bellini benefit also featured a lot of strangeness, caused by a limited rehearsal schedule and one of the cast members being unable to attend due to illness, but they absolutely exceeded these limitations to put on a very fun show. we did film the performance and rehearsals and that show is going to be released eventually (i'm not in charge of it but the person who is also works on the buddy cole doc so i'm involved). i don't know if it's going to be presented more like SGND or tour of duty or something completely different, but it'll be cool to be part of KITH live show canon

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Lisa Needham at Daily Kos:

Conservative Texas District Judge Reed O’Connor took time out of his packed schedule of trying to destroy the Affordable Care Act to hand down a genuinely unhinged decision. According to O’Connor, American Airlines violated federal law by offering 401(k) plans that included funds managed by investment companies with environmental, social, and corporate governance (ESG) goals. It’s the newest—and dumbest—front in the war on “woke.”  The Employee Retirement Security Act of 1974 (ERISA) requires people who manage retirement investments to act in the best interests of their participants. This is a good thing! It means that fund managers can’t put their own financial interests first and must diversify a fund’s investments to minimize the risk of significant losses.  This lawsuit arose when a former pilot sued American Airlines in 2023, saying it violated ERISA by mismanaging 401(k) funds. Was it because somehow the company lined its pockets with the hard-earned cash of retirees? Nope. Was it because the company’s 401(k) funds were performing terribly? Nope. It was because American Airlines hired BlackRock, the world’s largest asset manager that oversees trillions of investment dollars, to manage its retirement funds. Several years ago, BlackRock started positioning itself as a leader in its focus on environmental sustainability in investing. In 2021, BlackRock, then the second-largest holder of Exxon stock, cast a proxy vote on behalf of activist investors who wanted climate-conscious directors on the corporation’s board.  Lest this make it sound like BlackRock was just one step away from partnering with Greta Thunberg or something, the company still has billions invested in fossil fuels and runs the world’s largest Bitcoin fund. It’s a fund manager, not Santa Claus. BlackRock also spent the last year retreating from its previous support for climate activism, which is unsurprising given that 11 red states recently sued over it.  The usual suspects, like Florida, Louisiana, and Texas, have also pulled state assets out of BlackRock, but the American Airlines lawsuit was the first successful attack on ESG investing in 401(k) plans. 

[...] Conservatives are treating the elimination of ESG and DEI efforts as if the boot of government is finally off their backs, allowing corporations to finally unleash their true potential. But these sorts of actions—committing to net zero emissions and ensuring diversity and equity in the workforce—weren’t the scary, woke socialist ideas of Barack Obama, Joe Biden, or Nancy Pelosi. Rather, they’re actions that corporations took in an attempt to make themselves appear more attractive within a capitalist, free-market framework.  But conservatives are no longer interested in a free market—hence the screaming about “woke capitalism.” With Trump back in office, they’ll get to use the heavy hand of government to reward only the corporations that share Trump’s climate-denying, white supremacist, anti-trans views. 

The right’s war on ESG and DEI will have disastrous consequences.

[melit0n]

Delicate Is The Flesh - Chapter 2

- Synopsis: On the brink of the bustling new city of Rosholt lies a forgotten palisade of abandoned homes, shops and streets that sit mummified after a chemical outbreak in the 70s, leaving the city uninhabitable.

Over the years however, the place has become a hotspot for urban explorers and crime junkies alike. Whispers of reanimated bodies stalking the dead streets and brutal murders worm their way into your friend's ears and, having nothing to do on your Winter break, you reluctantly agree to go exploring the abandoned city with them.

What could go wrong, right?

- Chapters ->

Prologue

Chapter 1: For Whom the Bell tolls

Chapter 2: Corvus and Krater (you're already here!)

Chapter 3: Belly of the Beast

Chapter 4: Something Forgotten

Chapter 5: Citrus and Cinnamon

Chapter 6: Mumbling Conscious

Chapter 7: Heavy is The Head that Mourns The Past

Chapter 8: Be Not Afraid

Chapter 9: Eye for an Eye

Chapter 10: Blood will have Blood

Chapter 11: Do you Remember...

Chapter 12: Thirty Silver Pieces

Interlude: In a Gloomy Wood, Astray

- Obsessive! Demon OC/Reader

- Word count (for chp): 7.2k

- Warnings for chp: None.

- Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55444003/chapters/143071153

- Masterlist.

“Come on then!” Jeanne exclaims, loose rocks clattering down the grassy hill as she makes her descent. 

“Wait a second-” Noah grabs onto the collar of her crinkled jacket, using you as an anchor as he holds Jeanne in place, keeping her from slipping. It’s quite a funny scene; Jeanne slipping and grabbing onto Noah’s arm for dear life as he attempts to pull her back up…with very little success.

“Proper Heracles you are.” You giggle out. As much as you find their suffering amusing, you make the decision to help, Helen shaking her head and making a move to follow. Stepping out of the gloom–charcoal and old incense layered thickly on your clothes–you three hoist Jeanne up from the point of no return and back into the tree line.

“Let's-” Noah lets out a puff of air, “-think about this first, yeah?” he begins, looking between the three of you. “We know, for a fact, that the police patrol the borderlines. If we get caught, we’re done for.” He eyes Jeanne, who rolls her own in response. “So-”

“-What you’re forgettin’ about, Bonsey, is how lazy cops are when it comes to shit like this,” Jeanne interrupts. “That article was like, at least six months old.” 

“Brilliantly encouraging to know you gave us out-of-date information.” You mumble to yourself, Helen nodding along. The adrenaline pumping through your veins at simply seeing the town was slowly ebbing away, your more rational side, worried about gunpowder and jail time, taking over.

She glances upwards and immediately begins attempting to placate you and Helen. “If anything, they probably have, like, one person on watch sat in his car half asleep.”

You begin another rebuttal, about how that was probably just one of her ‘lucky guesses’, but she beats you to it. 

“Plus, I had a chat with a coupla’ people who’ve been here before, and, fun fact, they said that the cops don’t even bother patrollin’ this side because of the hill.” She pats her hands against the ground. “And the thick ass forest.” She nods her head back to the woods. Then, she goes on to talk about how ‘most people get lost’ before they even get here, and that they park their cars on the road outside the woods; a place the police patrol regularly. 

Besides her thoughtful and strategic notes on avoiding getting caught, one thing stuck with you; most people got lost before they could even get to this point. You were sure you walked a pin straight route from the car right to here, following an old deer trail right to this point. But, as you look behind you, you see no trail in sight. No dirt road trodden by thousands of animals who will never again return to their burrows, no pine needle ridden route; no nothing. 

Just darkness. Darkness and the trees overhead.

You think, no, you know, that it’s just lingering paranoia, but you can’t help but want to move back out into the cool moonlight. Swathe yourself in Her lambent glow and hide away from that of which you cannot see.

You feel more seen draped in shadows than you do surrounded by light.

Jeanne drags you out of your thoughts with a puppy eyed look towards you followed by, “You’ve just gotta trust me on this one, okay, Oiseau?”

Oiseau. It was a–or rather the–nickname she’d called you ever since she was a kid; Bird. Per her own words, it was because you were ‘too afraid to leave the nest, but sky bound nonetheless’. You disliked it at first, but, as you grew older, you began to understand that Jeanne could see right through you, right down to your thrumming veins and ebbing viscera. Too bad you couldn’t do the same for her.

She also knew using nicknames could ease your head on almost anything.

With a small sigh, you let your shoulders fall and nod. 

“We ready, then?” Jeanne looks between the three of you and raises a questioning eyebrow. With hair still tussled from her previous escapade, it disappears behind her slightly wavy, dirty blonde locks.

You snort at the mental image of Jeanne without eyebrows, something you’re sure she’d do given enough encouragement. “Yeah.” 

“The fuck you laughin’ at, huh?” She says, a toothy smile on her face.

“Nothing for you to worry about.” You grab Jeanne by the hand, helping her up from her still seated position, as you all walk over to the edge of the hill, and begin your downhill trek. For once, you’re happy that Jeanne let you keep these hiking boots. Even if the toe tip is scuffed and gradually fading to dust, they keep you steady as ever on the decline, even if a few old rabbit burrows attempt to trip you up.

“Remind you of anythin’?” Speaking of the Devil, she appears beside you, keeping two arms out for stability.

You frown, “What, Hell Hill?” She loses her balance for a second, almost trips and grabs onto one of your arms to regain it. 

“Since when did you give it such a dumb-ass nickname?” She snorts, bitten down fingernails with chipping nail polish digging into your arm; she always had an iron grip, seemingly never knowing the proper time to execute it. You remember doing rock-climbing with her in primary school, and you found out quickly that she’d hold on to your hand harder than she would the anchors; you’d never been more glad for safety ropes in your life.

You huff loudly, “Since I fell down it twice and got thousands of brambles stuck on me. Still have the scars from all the brambles-”

“-the scars from all the brambles. I know.” Talking in tandem, she glances over her shoulder with a glint in her eye.

“Oh shut up.” You giggle. Feeling petty, you pretend to lose your own balance, and almost send her tumbling down the hill as well.

“You ass!” She pushes you right back, not caring how her voice somehow manages to get louder. Somehow manages to make the trees creak with annoyance above you. Looking back, they truly do tower over the four of you now; great shadows clawing at your heels and boughs groaning in the wind. Jeanne’s giggles are louder, though, taking your mind off of what looms over you. If only for a moment, at least.

With much tumult, something you probably could’ve avoided if you walked with Helen over the embodiment of pure energy known as Jeanne next to you, you finally reach the bottom of the somewhat steep hill. It wasn’t as hard as you thought it’d be, but you dreaded the climb back up. Still, easily, through the quiet, you can hear Noah huffing and puffing as if he just climbed Mount Everest.

Jeanne laughs, and knocks his back hard, taking even more air out of him. “Come on Noah, wasn’t that hard.”

“Says the person who’s got a set of properly working lungs.” He huffs with a smile, pulling his inhaler out of his back pocket. His asthma has gotten worse over the years, worsened by city smog and the few allergies he had. Jeanne poked fun at it often, but always kept a spare inhaler for him and, like the rest of you, sat with him through any asthma attacks he had. She whispers something to him. Something that brings a small smile to his face after he’s taken a few inhales. Something small, probably, and something you’ll most likely never know. In all her abrasiveness, she tends to have a way with things like that, at least when she isn’t pretending the issue at hand doesn’t exist.

Which is most of the time.

Turning away from the two, your eyes are now graced with the full wonder–or rather gloom–of the shell of a town. You stand at the brink of a small suburb, homes and shops left to waste away. Further in, further to the thumping heart of the town, apartments and high-rise buildings tower above. In the darkness, they’re like obsidian obelisks that rise from the dry ground, tearing at the night sky like astronomers of an age far gone. The wind whistles through each corpse, each dried lung, allowing what once was to howl and scream in the quiet of the night from the backs of their throats, fused by chemicals and memories.  

They look more like enormous tombstones–carving the land and marking the death of so many–rather than dwellings of people you’ll never know. Rather than a place of memories, old and new, you look, and will soon stand upon, what is more of a graveyard than a home. You guess that two are similar, in some ways. 

However, despite your own ideas and the thought of how many bodies have been buried under this concrete, your friends stare at the place with awe. You can’t really blame them. You yourself could feel another pump of adrenaline slowly making its way through you, and who were you to dampen the mood with your morbid thoughts? You already brought Noah’s spirit down, and that was with just talking about trees of all things, so you don’t bother to voice your unease.

The crinkled, blue and white police tape flaps in the wind.

Jeanne takes you by the shoulders, suddenly, and shakes you, excited jitters finally getting to her. “Are you fuckin’ seein’ this Y/N??” 

You nod and giggle, shaking her back and grinning with all your might in hopes that it’ll hide the hesitancy returning to your eyes.

Eventually, she releases you, eyes still glued to the town, before she takes a glance left and right. Noah does the same, Helen following, then you. As you thought before; absolutely barren.

The next time you look over to Jeanne, however, she’s disappeared from your sight, and already on the other side of the tape. Jerking her head to follow, she clicks on her flashlight, and lets light flood the town of shadows. Ever the sheep, afraid of being without your herd in the endless night, you follow with ease. 

“This place is mad…” Jeanne yet again mumbles out with venerance, letting her flashlight grace over the dead, or, rather, sleeping buildings.

“Mhm,” Helen responds, “So many homes, abandoned and left to rot just like that.” Even in all your fear, even with the story behind why this place is how it is, you’d easily admit how–for lack of better words–fucking cool this place was. It was like walking into those dystopian books your English teacher always set for home reading.

Having lived in suburbs most of your life, Noah and Jeanne included, seeing what was almost a mirror of one of your many childhood neighbourhoods was…eerie, to say the least. You can almost hear the sound of kids giggling as they chase each other down the road, the smell of somebody’s Summer BBQ, a distant radio playing some 80s song which you’d somehow be able to recite word for word. The daydream brings a smile to your face, but it’s ruined the moment your eyes adjust better to the dark: glass diamonds reflecting your flashlight’s light, littering overgrown lawns, bikes slowly being dragged under the soil by weeds and faded plastic toys staring into you with their beady, faded painted eyes. 

Helen shifts closer to you and weaves her arm with yours. You appreciate the distraction.

Watching videos and looking at photos of abandoned places, especially places where the owners just got up and left, doesn’t compare in the slightest to actually being there. It’s like dreaming about an old memory where something isn’t right, but you just can’t put your finger on it. Makes it all the more creepy only being able to see what your beam of light allows. 

Jeanne glances towards you and Helen, a snide smile appearing on her face. “Looks like someone’s getting a case of the heebie-jeebies!”

“Am not!” You call back, Helen’s shoulders shaking lightly in laughter.

“Are too! I can see the goosebumps and the way your hands shake from here.” She states, matter-of-factly.

“Even if I was, at least Helen isn’t making fun of me for it.” You joke back, holding your chin high, only to earn Jeanne shaking her head back and forth as a response.

While you hadn’t known her the longest, especially compared to Jeanne, you would easily consider Helen one of your best friends. She was almost regal and spoke in prose without even meaning to.

Unlike Noah, who Helen herself took in later down the line, you met Helen while simply waiting for the bus home. She’d recognised you from one of your classes–which you apparently shared–and began talking to you. You were sceptical at first, and already had your social battery drained by Jeanne each day, but within the half-hour bus trip home, you two clicked; the rest was history. 

She always made sure you were comfortable and gave off an undeniably calming aura that kept you grounded when you needed it. Technically, it was the bare minimum, but having a very limited friendship group your whole life, you didn’t really care. Either way, you had to admit that she truly did live up to her name: moulded with all the grace of marble and eyes that you were sure you could go to war for if asked.

Plus, she was a brilliant cook, and who were you to say no to her Baklava?

After a while of walking through the preternatural suburbs, Noah asks, “So…what buildings do you guys want to check out first?”

“How much time do we have here?” Helen responds, tilting her head slightly.

“‘Bout six or so hours, but we could go longer.” Jeanne cuts in, flipping her flashlight around in her hand. “Just depends on how much you want to explore, and when we’re all free next. I don’t think we could explore this whole place in one night anyways.”

As much as you all wanted to look at every inch of the town, you knew that it wouldn’t be possible with your time limit, let alone the fact that this was an entire town you were talking about, and not a small one either. Plus, as far as you knew, none of you had a map, so you didn’t even know where anything actu-

“Check it.” The bright light of Jeanne’s phone paints her face pale and ghastly at first glance. Looking over her shoulder, you spot that she does, in fact, have a map, albeit grainy and pixelated. If you squint, you think you could count each pixel with ease. She begins pointing out the general area that you're in, and then listing different so-called ‘famous’ locations for you to visit.

First, there’s a shopping centre, void of time and most likely frozen in the 70s. Although you'd imagine that place would have been heavily looted; people taking ‘souvenirs’ until all that was left was barren clothes hangers and dust ridden shelves. They could have fun with their chemical infested merchandise all they wanted; you wouldn’t be touching a thing in there. Jeanne should’ve brought gloves for you all instead of the tiny pocket knives… 

Second is an old primary school, which both you and Helen immediately say no to. Abandoned houses are one thing, abandoned schools are a whole other thing. Places like that keep memories soaked into the walls, and, you have to admit, children’s drawings always look demonic in the dark. There probably wouldn’t be anything interesting in there anyways, just a bunch of dust and forgotten childhoods. 

Third is the town’s old hospital, complete with an extensive psychiatric ward and paired with a small tuberculosis sanatorium. It’s another small reminder of how old this place is, well, old enough for most of its inhabitants to live with the fear of the disease for a few years. You haven’t been to many hospitals, let alone a sanatorium, since most are privately owned and very expensive to visit legally, so it catches all of your eyes.

Finally, Jeanne notes the chemical plant; the heart of the town that left everybody’s bodies and minds to rot. Even a mention of it sends an uncomfortable shiver down your spine. A quick flash of lidless eyes is enough for you to voice your discomfort, and you’re immediately put at ease when everyone agrees. 

Jeanne pauses, having you believe that those are all the big locations.

“Right then,” you look up from the tiny screen, “hospital it is? How far is it?” You all look questioningly towards Jeanne.

“Hold your horses,” she laughs. “I’ve got one more.” 

You all lean back into Jeanne’s too bright phone to try to spot whatever she’s pointing to. It’s nearer to the centre of the town, more low-rise and mid-rise buildings appearing…but, all you can really see is a couple pixels of gloomy grey. 

“These,” she pinches the screen and zooms in further as if in hopes that it’ll make the image clearer, “are the infamous block A and B apartments.”

Helen nods, then questions, “Why, exactly, are they infamous?” and glancing towards Jeanne to catch her eye.

Jeanne smiles one of her devious smiles, half smirk and half grin. “Well…”

“Here we go…” Noah mumbles, earning a half hearted glare from Jeanne.

“They’re mainly known to other explorers, and the internet, because they’re one of the few buildings that are pretty safe, structurally at least. Most people tend to leave all the shit there because it’s way closer to the old chemical plant than the other sites, so it’s pretty much exactly as it was in the 80s. However, they’re infamous because anybody who enters always sees some weird ass shit in there.”

“‘Weird ass shit’ as in drug deals, or ‘weird ass shit’ as in corpses?” You raise an eyebrow. While it was nice to know you wouldn't have a ceiling collapse on you, you don’t think you could mentally brace yourself for the sight of a human corpse. Ever. You could harbour all the disgusting and horrifying memories you wanted, but nothing would haunt you more than the hollow eyes and the uncanny stiffness. 

“Weird ass shit as in ghosts.” 

Now that, that catches your attention.

Noah huffs loudly, vocalising his disinterest with the topic and rolling his eyes so hard you think he’s been possessed for a second. All the same, you and Helen lean in further. Helen hadn’t ever, and never will be, one for horror. She could put on a strong facade all she liked, but sometimes slashers in masks were enough to scare her. Although, you think she’s more afraid of the things she can’t see–let alone understand–rather than the characters themselves. She’s right to be so, she and more than half of the planet’s population. 

“I’m talkin’ full body apparitions. Hearing people talkin’ that ain’t there, seeing things move right in front of their eyes-”

“-Do I need to remind you all that this town was evacuated because of a chemical outbreak from a chemical plant that is near the apartments that caused hallucinations?” Noah pauses, looking between the three of you incredulously before continuing. “If people truly saw a ghost, it’s either leftover chemicals causing them to hallucinate, or become paranoid for that matter, or because they’ve been told they’ll see ghosts. It’s like The Baader-Meinhof effect.”

You all look at him with utter confusion. 

He sighs loudly–something you’ve become accustomed to in the years you’ve known him–somehow expecting you all to just know what that is off of memory. “It’s a cognitive bias stemming from a phenomenon where something you recently learned seems to appear everywhere, making it feel like it's more common than it actually is. If someone tells you that a house is haunted, then, your senses become heightened and you carefully analyse every little thing with the expectation of ghosts. A creak in a hundred-year-old house’s floorboards becomes a footstep, the whistling of wind through a cracked window becomes a breath in someone’s ear, etcetera.”

There’s a heavy pause as you all process the information.

“Did your mum drop you on your right side when you were a baby? Have some whimsy, Jesus.” Jeanne mumbles.

There it is. 

Noah scowls. “It’s not my fault you have the intellectual and cranial capacity of an artichoke.”

“Oh, okay mister ‘I cut my hair with a knife and fork’-”

“-Says you, you-

“-May we not? Please. The longer you two argue, the less time we have.” Yet again, Helen intervenes in what you’re sure would be an absolutely hilarious back and forth between Jeanne and Noah. Even if he parades himself around to be above the ‘childishness’ of Jeanne, he’s most definitely not immune to her insults. 

After a disapproving look from Helen, the two of them zip their mouths shut, and you fall into gentle silence. Looking between your friends, you try to determine if they’re finished talking yet so you can get your two cents in, before repeating your earlier statement. 

“So…apartments?”

“Apartments.” They all speak in tandem with each other, nodding in agreement like Roman scholars. 

Within a few moments, you all determine which direction you have to go, with much debate on what way is West and which is East which has you losing brain cells every statement, and you begin the so-called ‘short, twenty minute walk’.

Being careful not to trip over any debris, you have the underlying feeling it’s going to be much longer than that. 

Ahead of you, Jeanne and Noah are mumbling indistinctly to each other, and you watch multiple–failed–attempts at trying to scare each other play out. Quietly, Helen walks next to you, her footsteps somehow silent on the dusty road. As you walk further into the town’s centre, buildings rise up around you like great maze walls, hiding the past in their shadowy alleyways. 

“It is weird, isn’t it?” Helen begins, her soft voice like the plucking of harp strings. 

“Yeah, this place gives me the creeps.”

“What? Oh- yes- it does, but I’m talking about how it is strange that it is already our final year. I should have made that more clear…” she mumbles the last half to herself, kicking the odd stone from her foot and keeping a keen eye on the two in front of you. Even if Noah was typically smart and sensible, Jeanne had the tendency to bring out a much more brash side of him.

“Oh, yeah.” You had met Helen at the beginning of this part of your education, and, suddenly, you were all nearing the end. Noah described it as happening in the ‘blink of an eye’, but, for you, it was a very languid, tiresome blink that left you burnt out and hating the education system more than you had as a teen.

Plus, as far as you knew, they were all going to different courses at different schools, aside from Jeanne, who insisted you applied to the same school. You haven’t yet built up the courage to tell her you don’t even know if you want to do more higher education anymore. Either way, it’d be…odd to not see their faces every day.

“Where’d all the time go, hm?” You half-joke, not completely sure how to respond. 

“My point exactly.” She agrees, and then you both fall into an awkward silence. You roll different thoughts around in your head, different words and conversation starters to help fill the quiet gap, before she beats you to it. Like everyone always seems to do.

She begins with a pleasant laugh, and, even in the dark, you can just imagine the nostalgic smile on her face. “I remember when I first met you and Jeanne. I thought you were both so odd.”

“What? Why?” You laugh out, utterly surprised. While you had technically met and became friends with Helen on the day of the fateful bus ride, she only met Jeanne about two weeks into knowing you. Half because you and Jeanne were stuck to each other's hip, and half because you had mentioned her off handedly to Jeanne and she became determined to meet and talk with the person who managed to befriend her ‘introverted homebody’. Even if she gave you those titles from a place of off-handed care, you never really liked them. Even if they were true.

Still, in all her grace and sensibility, you never would have thought her first impression of the two of you would be ‘odd’, of all things, especially since she was the one to start talking to you.

“Not in a bad way! Not in a bad way; I promise!” She repeats, laughing again. “It’s just…Jeanne was, well, is, an impulsive adrenaline junkie who would rather climb a cliff than study. Admittedly, not someone who I’d ever thought I’d be good, close friends with.” As she speaks, she glances over to you, careful to earn your acceptance with her descriptions of your oldest friend as if you’d fight her or something if she overstepped. You just laugh and shake your head; she’s right, as per usual. 

“And you…” she trails off, letting a thought simmer on the tip of her tongue before she speaks it. 

“And you…what? Are we insulting each other now?” You laugh out. You had to admit, her descriptions of her first impressions of Jeanne were dead on, as funny as it was. 

“You’re…you. Tired-eyed, reserved Y/N who is…much smarter and complex than they look.”

“I don’t know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult.” You grin, looping your arm with hers as she did before.

“Well, since it is coming from me, it is a compliment. I’d never insult you.” 

You snort, “Oh, Queen Helen of Sparta, daughter of Zeus-” She begins laughing, telling you to stop through her pearly whites as her skin changes to a deep shade of rose. “-With thy beauty matching none!” You unloop your hands and skip in front of her, curtsying and bowing deeply. “How graceful of you to gift praise to my humble vessel of a body with such praise.”

Helen’s loud laughter bounces off of the decrepit buildings, causing Noah to turn around and send a blinding beam of light your way. You watch as your bowed form casts an elongated shadow across the concrete, reaching for the suburbs now merely incongruous shapes in the stygian distance.

You hope you look holy, bathed in all this light. 

“What are you two laughing about?” Noah calls out, walking backwards.

With a smile, you recite a part of your conversation to him. He shakes his head back and forth, then slows his gait until he walks with you two, Jeanne eventually following along after realising she’d lost her walking buddy. Aimless conversation fills the cool air and you can’t help the way your body relaxes. 

The talk begins on the topic of pets and Noah starts with how his snakes–affectionately named Ekans and Arbok–at home are doing, mainly how big one of them has grown. If you remembered correctly, one was a Hognose, an absolutely adorable thing with the cutest face on a snake you’ve ever seen, and the other was some fancily titled ball python. 

Helen notes on her cat, Αστέρι, of which you could never pronounce properly no matter how many times you’d heard it. It was a stoic white and grey thing that kept itself well groomed and, no matter how hard you tried, seemed to hate you.

Jeanne doesn’t own any, unfortunately due to her land-lord's policies, but it sends her down a rant of how shitty the said landlord is and, if and when she moves again, she’ll get something like a Husky.

Then, after Jeanne has finished her aforementioned rant, the conversation shifts to places you all want to visit outside of urban exploring, and you find Jeanne is planning a gap year to go travelling. By the glint in her eye, you can tell she’ll ask later on if you’ll want to come along, which you’ll probably think about for a week or so before saying yes. 

You think you’d follow her until you were both nothing but dust, if you were honest.

Eventually, someone brings up the topics of bands, and sends Jeanne down another tangent, which you all listen to intently, storing the information away for future birthdays and Christmases and conversations. 

The three of them are chatterboxes, so they easily allow you to zone out and just simply listen–if you chose to–instead of keeping up with every word.

With full admittance, you felt much more at ease than you did back up on that hill. Even so, with a flashlight, each shadow moves as if living. Everything always looks much more haunted in the low light. It doesn’t help that each building feels…alive. Alive and hungry, albeit bleary. You can’t help but wonder if you look palatable. Appetising, even.

“Hey,” Noah gently nudges your side, “look up.” You’re confused at first, sending him a questioning glance, before you follow his gaze and look upwards. From high above, thousands of silver eyes stare down on your forms. Like a great snake of a time far past, a faraway galaxy ebbs and flows across the charcoal sky. Sparks of blue, almost like lapis lazuli, glimmer within the silver, framed by the ever-changing colours of a humming nebula. 

…you’ve never seen something so bright in your life. 

“Well, would you look at that.” Jeanne mumbles, eyes stuck on the extraterrestrial gold that glitters above.

You’re in utter awe of what you’re seeing; living near big cities meant that the sky barely got dark when you were younger, let alone to this point. Still, in all your wonder, you can’t help but catch the frown on Noah’s face. You wait patiently for him to voice his thoughts, but he simply stares and stays silent as a tomb. Rolling the thought around in your head, you open your mouth to ask what exactly has him looking so confused in the face of something so beautiful, but Jeanne seems to beat you to it. As per usual. 

“Hey, Helen,” you swear you haven’t heard her voice so soft for, well, years. You guess even she feels a bit humbled by the endlessness that stares back at her. “You’re big on stars and astronomy and shit, right? Spot anything you know?”

Helen tilts her head back and forth, before obviously seeing something recognisable in the endless cluster of stars. “Yes, um…see the large gathering of stars to the right- follow my finger.”

“There’s a lotta’ clumps of stars…” Jeanne mumbles, but diligently follows Helen’s hand, as do you and Noah. 

“Those are the Antennae Galaxies. Do you see them?”

“Where?” Jeanne squints at the sky.

“To the right, Jeanne.” You grumble, placing your hand on her head and turning her.

“I still don’t- I see it!” She shouts happily, earning a smile from all three of you.

Helen chuckles before speaking again, smiling to herself as she does so. “They look like a heart on a telescope…” 

“They’re a pair of colliding galaxies, right?” Noah questions, earning a nod from Helen. Because of course he knows about stars too.

“Yes! It causes a lot of new stars to form around that area…okay, now, look slightly to the left, there is a trapezium type shape of pale blue stars with a, um…a leg?” 

“Mhm.” You agree, squinting but being able to spot the small shape in the sky. 

“Good, and to the right of it is a similar shape, but with two antennas of sorts?” She looks between the three of you, watching for your reactions and smiling again when you all nod almost in tandem. “The one on the left is called Corvus, and the one on the right is called Krater. The line of stars that runs underneath them is called Hydra.”

“Wicked.” Jeanne whispers, and you have to admit, you don’t think you’ve ever seen her this entranced. “They got a story?” 

“Everything that has and will be has a story.” Helen begins, slipping her arm back into yours yet again. “There are two stories to tell here. The first one consists of Apollo, the Greek God of poetry, music and archery. He had a lover named Coronis, who was to bear one of his children. While she was still pregnant, she slept with a mortal man. Apollo was told this by a white crow, and then turned its feathers black in a fit of rage. Subsequently, she was then killed by Apollo–or his sister, Artemis–as punishment. To remind her of her betrayal, Apollo then turned her soul into the constellation Corvus.”

“That’s one way to punish cheaters, I guess.” Jeanne frowns, eyes still fixed on the stars. 

“What’s the other story?” You ask, taking your eyes off of the sky for a second to look at Helen.

“It is a lot less angsty,” she giggles. "Per his request, Apollo tasked one of his crows with fetching water. However, the crow stopped to wait for figs to ripen on a tree. Instead of telling the truth when asked, he lied and said that a snake–Hydra–” She points to the string of stars beneath the two constellations, “kept him from the water. Realising the lie, Apollo flung the crow, Corvus, the cup, Krater,” She moves her hand to point at the second constellation, “and the snake, Hydra, into the sky.”

“Apollo sounds like a fuckin’ asshat.” Jeanne scowls, tearing her eyes away from the sky and back towards Helen.

Immediately, she snorts, covering her mouth with her soft hand. “Yes, but so are most of the Gods. I think, when you have all that time and no fear of the end, you tend to take more pleasure in tragedies and horrors that will teach respect rather than kindness and sweet nothings.”

“Okay, so they’re all asshats, then?” You add on with a smile.

Helen simply laughs and shakes her head, Noah mumbling something about immortality that you can’t quite catch. 

You all begin walking again, but you stop when you notice Helen still transfixed with the stars.

Walking back to her, you ask, “You okay?” Standing at her side and glancing up again at the sky, trying to see whatever has caught her eye.

“Quite,” she mumbles, eyes still searching the stars like a prophet searching for a sign. “I am just a little confused. I’m sure it’s just my bad memory, but Virgo and Leo, the constellations above Corvus, have swapped places. And, to the far left,” she points, and you do your best to follow, “I think that is Orion? But it just looks…off. Orion is not even meant to be anywhere near the others.”

“Give me a second…” you mumble, shimmying your phone out of your pocket. You were no star expert, so you couldn’t really give any helpful opinions. Tapping on Oogle, you begin to type up the constellations she mentioned with her peering over your shoulder. But, alas… “No service, shit.” Grumbling, you shove your phone back into your pocket and stare back up at the sky with her.

“I’m sure it’s just my bad memory.” She shrugs, and drags her eyes back down to Earth with one last glance. “I’ve never even seen them so bright, especially since we’re still quite close to a big city.” You think she mumbles the statement to herself, but you hear it loud and clear, and think you’ve got an idea of what Noah’s frown was for.

Almost in response, as Helen turns her gaze and begins catching up with the others, you swear you see the thousands of eyes above you blink in tandem, the night sky becoming Cimmerian–utterly pitch black–for a split second.

“Y/N! Hurry up!” Noah calls you, tearing you out of your star gazing.

“Coming.” You whisper, barely a breath and no louder than a blink.

The pit in your stomach is back.

Eventually, you reach the decaying innards of the town. Despite the lack of skyscrapers–buildings that might as well touch Heaven–each building still towers over your small forms. You twist and turn through broken streets and alleyways, Jeanne your only wayward guide. 

As you thought, the so-called ‘twenty-minute walk’ turned into a forty minute one, with Jeanne getting lost twice–even with her rebukes that she swears the roads are changing under her feet–Noah tripping over an old bottle and falling flat on his face and both you and Helen almost undergoing multiple heart attacks with Jeanne jumping out from the dark to scare you both. 

Admittedly, you weren’t immune from the fun. At all. You got a good laugh out of scaring Noah shitless after jumping on his back; the bruised pelvis and numb upper arm where he punched you were well worth it. 

As you wandered through the streets, you couldn’t help but keep your eyes glued to the sky, keeping diligent watch on the silver and gold stars that felt less like balls of gas and more like omnipresent, ever changing eyes. And, now, as you stand in front of the apartments, you can almost feel the little confidence you had seep out of you and puddle on the concrete below like mercury. They look like ancient monoliths, grey and cracked and dystopian. Seemingly never ending layers of stubborn concrete left to crumble and crack like a father’s name; eclipsed by the son. From where you stand, they just manage to block out the little light of the new moon, leaving only the pewter stars to watch over you. They’re surrounded by what you’re sure was once a lovely community garden, now a mess of tall grasses, nettles and indistinct weeds that hide any path that might’ve once been there. 

No matter how many abandoned buildings you explore, you don’t think you’ll ever get used to seeing places that should be so full of life absolutely devoid of it. There’s always a small square of harsh light in every apartment building, always someone cramming, getting a late-night snack, or trying to stop the baby from crying. Always. Seeing a place so similar to where you live, even if the only real similarity is that they’re a pair of apartment buildings, sends an odd feeling crawling up your back.

Ba-dump. Ba-dump. Ba-dump.

The quickened heartbeat under your feet does nothing to help the pit in your stomach, crawling slowly up your trachea and settling heavily in the back of your throat.

You’re brought out of your stupor with the heavy weight of somebody colliding onto your back and clinging to you like a koala. Easily, it knocks the air out of your lungs, and sends an out of breath shout tumbling out of your throat, as well as your flashlight out of your hands.

Helen and Noah quickly turn around, surprise and a speck of fear in their eyes, sending blinding flashes of light your way as you try to uphold the weight–of who you guess is Jeanne by the maniacal laughter–on your back.

“Ha! Got you good, didn’t I?” She leans over your shoulder, still attached to your back, and sends a proud grin your way. You grumble, annoyed, before attempting to put her down, only for her to wrap her legs tighter around you.

“Are you really gonna make me carry you?” You ask, exasperated.

“You bet.” As Noah walks up to grab your flashlight, she points forwards with her own and exclaims, “Onwards, mighty steed! There’s a back entrance on the furthest part of the left building that’ll be unlocked!”

“You sure?” You hoist her up further as you all begin walking, allowing her to hook her legs over your arms as you feel your back muscles ache with the sudden weight. “Considering you’ve gotten us lost so many times…”

Jeanne simply scoffs and points her flashlight in the direction you need to go. Your group stumbles through overgrown weeds as you pass by the cracking concrete walls, void of any vines, unlike the rest of the buildings you’ve passed. The apartment blocks are designed in a right angle, gazing down at an overgrown garden with, by the faded white paint, you guess to be a parking lot behind it, which then links up onto a main road. The grounds are bordered off by decrepit buildings, mainly old corner shops with the occasional homewares. 

After you’re sure you’ve been stung by stinging nettles on half of your body, you reach the other end of the leftmost apartment block. A rusted, possibly iron door stands before you. Locked and layered in thick chains that look like they could hold a God down. Unlocked your ass, this looked like you’d need the world’s most powerful pair of bolt cutters–maybe even a saw for that matter–to get through.

But, suspecting Jeanne may want to get down, you decide to take the chance to make it evens with scaring her. Without warning, you pretend to almost drop her, relishing in the surprised shriek and angry grumbles of “Putain de- oh, toi petite merde-” that leaves her as she grapples for any part of you to hold on to. She laughs sardonically, more like an annoyed chuckle, before you let her down and she wags a finger at you “Good one, good one…so gonna get you back for that…” She mumbles the last half to herself, but you catch it easily. 

She approaches the heavily locked door, and Noah begins voicing your exact thoughts with, “Unlocked door my a-” before she tugs gently at the heavy chains, which fall to the ground with a metallic thump.

Ba-dump-ba-dump-ba-dump

You can’t tell if that’s your own heartbeat thrumming in your ears or not. 

She sends Noah a shit-eating grin as he shakes his head and forth, and you find Helen at your side once again. She then grabs the chains, an easy weight to lift for her toned arms, and, with a rattle, chucks them in a nearby bush.

“You ready?” She glances between the three of you, awaiting a response as Noah stumbles through the overgrown grass over to the door.

“As I’ll ever be.” You shrug, Helen nodding along with you.

Even with the knowledge of many explorers having been here before, the opening of the door feels like the opening of some ancient tomb, especially with the scent of stale air and thick dust that greets your nose. Little vines that had wrapped themselves delicately around the hinges are tugged away as the door opens its gaping maw. Jeanne and Noah peek over from the edges of it as Helen’s torch light illuminates a dank, monochrome hall.

“Looks right out of a horror film.” You mumble, eyes attempting to adjust to the darkness as shadowy figures peek at you and your light from their dusty home. You almost expect a masked slasher to jump out of you, or some long dead spectre wrapped in the weight of their living sins, but nothing comes. The hall simply sits eerily quiet, almost like it’s holding its breath.

Jeanne walks in first, not a single bone in her filled with any hesitation, who’s then followed by Noah and Helen, who tugs you along with her. Despite the way your feet feel frozen to the cracked concrete below, you let her tug you along, and let the dark swallow you whole.

-----------

I wonder if those same Gods, timeless and easily bored, watch over you now.

I’d also like to remind my new readers that I have a very big soft spot for extended metaphors and symbolism; look close enough and you might find something interesting.

Plus, I made a little playlist for this, for anybody who likes listening to music while they read: open.spotify.com/playlist/1rw21OGGHndcHrNEPfdvv5?si=31a14ddea2b84d4f

Putain de- oh, toi petite merde = Fucking- oh, you little shit-

Αστέρι = Star

[aois-amaterasu-painting]

Gekirock - Uruha & Kai interview (2021)

The New 10th Album and a Message for the Present Day, Released After Nearly Three Years! "What We’re Always Conscious of, at the Core, is the Live Show."

The long-anticipated full album MASS from the GazettE has finally arrived, marking nearly three years since their last release, NINTH. What’s more, this new work is their 10th studio album. Following the cancellation of their milestone 18th anniversary live concert last spring due to the pandemic, the band has been working steadily behind the scenes. This production involved significant online collaboration, a necessity of the times. The completed album is imbued with meaningful messages reflective of this unique era. Naturally, the release of such a monumental work raises expectations for live performances. Stay tuned for future announcements!

Interviewer: It has been almost three years since your last album, NINTH (released in 2018), and now you’ve completed MASS. Could you first reflect on the journey the GazettE has taken over this time?

KAI: After releasing NINTH, we spent quite a lot of time on an extensive tour, so a significant portion of our efforts as a band went into that.

URUHA: We were touring on and off for over a year, after all.

Interviewer: Indeed, starting with the hall tour PHASE #01-PHENOMENON in July 2018, followed by the standing tour PHASE #02-ENHANCEMENT, the live house tour PHASE #03 -Passion is Ferocious, the world tour PHASE #04 -99.999-, the Japan homecoming semi-final performance PHASE #05 -Mixed-Blood, and the FINAL NINTH LIVE AT 09.23 YOKOHAMA ARENA in September 2019—this LIVE TOUR spanned 61 performances, covering not only Japan but North America, South America, Europe, Asia—a truly massive undertaking.

KAI: Yes, and since it’s hard for us to mentally shift toward starting new material until after the tour is fully completed, this album’s creation followed the same process as usual—beginning about a year after the tour ended.

Interviewer: So when did the band—or even the individual members—begin to form a vision for MASS, even vaguely?

URUHA: The vision became clearer as we progressed with production. There wasn’t any rush to establish a clear direction; instead, we took the time to carefully discuss and decide on our next steps together.

KAI: By the end of 2019, we held our first song selection meeting. After a series of discussions, we gradually narrowed it down, eventually settling on the 11 tracks included in this album.

Interviewer: On March 10 of last year, during what was likely the middle of your album production period, the 18th-anniversary live show “18TH ANNIVERSARY DAY/6576” was originally scheduled to take place at the Musashino Forest Sport Plaza Main Arena. However, the GazettE made the decision to cancel the event after carefully assessing the situation, even before the first state of emergency declaration was issued. After that, it seemed like the band's activities went completely silent. While I assume you were focusing on creating MASS behind the scenes, why didn’t you opt for the types of outreach many artists were doing at the time, like audience-free streaming concerts or video uploads on YouTube?

URUHA: That’s simply because we had already planned to enter the album production phase at that point.

KAI: Actually, we had our second song selection meeting even before March 10. After that, we stopped production temporarily to switch into live mode and started preparing for the anniversary concert. Unfortunately, it ended up being canceled. So, once that was decided, we just returned to production as planned.

Interviewer: I see. When did you actually start recording?

KAI: We recorded in multiple phases, and the first session was last summer. At that time, we recorded just one track, the lead tune of the album, BLINDING HOPE.

Interviewer: Speaking of BLINDING HOPE, could you share why this particular song was chosen as the lead track for the album?

URUHA: It was a song RUKI (vocals) wrote and presented right from the start saying “this has to be the lead.” When we listened to it, it had a convincing impact and a strong presence that made it clear it was perfect as the lead track. All the members agreed on that point without hesitation.

KAI: This isn’t specific to this album; RUKI always thinks about it holistically and presents the main song and album title at the same time. We listened to his thoughts on that and respected his wishes as we continued to produce the album.

Interviewer: From the perspective of each player, what kind of sound did you think needed to be captured for the lead tune, BLINDING HOPE?

KAI: The phrases were already quite developed in the original composition, so I just added some of my own arrangements here and there. As for the sound, it wasn’t just about my approach as a drummer. Instead, we started from the question, “What sound should the band aim for next?” and built from there.

Interviewer: I'm really curious about what kind of conversations you had within the band when you were searching for this "next sound we should aim for."

KAI: Each of us brought up different reference points, including sounds from various international artists, we did talk about wanting to aim for something that focused on a fairly natural sound at first. I think that was because we were conscious of going in the opposite direction to our previous album, NINTH.

Interviewer: When comparing MASS with NINTH, the difference is striking. NINTH had a densely packed, almost enclosed soundscape, but in this album, even the sound of the kick drum seems to carry more resonance and a sense of space.

KAI: At first, we were even saying, “Should we just go back to recording normally for once?” But after further consideration, we decided to stick with the same separate recording method we used in the previous album. Of course, we used samples for some of the sounds, but one of the key changes was having a different drum technician this time. That likely contributed to the final result being noticeably distinct from NINTH.

Interviewer: Was the main change in the drum parts related to tuning?

KAI: It wasn’t just the equipment we used that changed; the change in the tuner was surprisingly significant. This person is very precise in tuning the snare and toms to match the original compositions perfectly. He seems to have great chemistry with me and provides lots of valuable advice. Honestly, I learned so much—it was really eye-opening.

Interviewer: It’s incredible that even with the GazettE’s 19-year career, you were still able to gain new insights like that.

KAI: Yeah, I was genuinely surprised by how much I still don’t know (laughs).

Interviewer: Did the unique drum sound that became the foundation of this album affect the guitar sound in any way?

URUHA: Since we recorded the guitars while listening to the recorded drum tracks, there were moments where I thought, “The sound is different from the pre-production stage. So that's how it turned out.” However, that didn’t lead to significant changes in the guitar sound. The sound changes drastically during the mixing stage, so getting caught up in minor adjustments during recording could cause inconsistencies in the overall album production. That’s why my focus was consistently on the sound of the album as a whole.

Interviewer: So you had to look at things from a big-picture perspective. Speaking of that, what were the key aspects you emphasized while working on MASS? My impression after listening to it is that there are many parts of this album that seem to be made with live performances in mind, starting with the SE track COUNT-10 leading into the lead tune BLINDING HOPE and the energetic ROLLIN’ with its drum solo intro.

URUHA: Absolutely, that’s exactly right. The GazettE rarely creates songs solely for recordings. We often approach music with live performances in mind. Even during the song selection process, we judge whether a track is suitable for live settings. Fundamentally, live performance is always at the core of what we do.

KAI: During the album production, we actually simulated setlists. We experimented with mixing new songs and existing ones to see what combinations would feel cohesive for a live performance. Based on those tests, we identified gaps like, “We need this type of song,” and added tracks accordingly.

Interviewer: Now, for the Gekirock readers, could each of you recommend two personal favorites from MASS?

URUHA: For the Gekirock audience, I have to start with BLINDING HOPE. It’s the one song that encapsulates the various elements contained within MASS. The melodic progression, the sense of speed, the intricacy of each instrument—this track is a condensed representation of the current state of the GazettE. Just by listening to it, you’ll get a good grasp of the album’s overall feel. And since Gekirock readers tend to be metalcore fans, I’d also recommend MOMENT.

Interviewer: Interesting choice. Why MOMENT specifically?

URUHA: For metalcore fans, I think it’s refreshing to sometimes take a break with a ballad like MOMENT featuring acoustic guitars. I’m guessing many of you don’t often listen to this type of song, and it’s also rare for the GazettE. It had been a while since I recorded with an acoustic guitar, and I hope you’ll enjoy this tranquil atmosphere.

Interviewer: When using acoustic guitars in the GazettE’s music, what is important to you?

URUHA: Normally, acoustic guitar parts are handled by AOI. However, MOMENT is a track where the acoustic guitar takes center stage throughout, including the guitar solo. Since it was such a special case, we emphasized capturing the natural resonance of the guitar body by recording it with a microphone. That said, faithfully reproducing the recorded sound in a live setting might be challenging due to the band’s overall acoustics, so I think we'll have to go through a process of trial and error from here on out.

"The thing is, the GazettE just can’t lie" - KAI

Interviewer: Not just MOMENT, but listening to MASS, I was reminded again of how strong the GazettE’s melodies are in general.

URUHA: I like heavy music, but I this is largely because our roots aren't in metalcore. Our roots are in visual kei, so of course we think about song melodies as the axis.

Interviewer: Meanwhile, KAI, what are your personal recommendations from MASS?

KAI: While I feel like I should pick something different from URUHA’s choices (laughs), I can’t leave out BLINDING HOPE. It’s the entrance to MASS, and more than any other track, it encapsulates what the GazettE is as a band. So, I can't leave it out.

URUHA: So, what about the other two songs?

KAI: Hmm, all the songs are my favorites, so it's hard to pick out just one (laughs).

Interviewer: In terms of drum phrases, HOLD has quite a flashy structure, doesn’t it?

KAI: Ah, yes, definitely. I think readers of Gekirock would probably prefer tracks like HOLD, BARBARIAN, and FRENZY. But personally, I’d like to recommend LAST SONG.

Interviewer: Please tell us why.

KAI: This is the song that concludes the album MASS, and if we do any tours in the future, it's definitely the song we'll play last at live shows.

Interviewer: That's why it's called LAST SONG.

KAI: Yes, it’s a track that really makes the live experience come to life, and I believe it will play an important role in our future live performances.

Interviewer: LAST SONG includes lyrics like "I was dreaming in despair" and "Wandering voices, here and now, screaming like that day." For those who have been eagerly waiting for the GazettE’s live shows since last spring, this song seems like it will be an incredibly emotional moment.

KAI: Yeah, this song carries a very strong message. The thing is, the GazettE just can’t lie—we end up expressing exactly how we feel in the most straightforward way. In that sense, BLINDING HOPE is also entirely that kind of song. Since this album was created during the pandemic, it was only natural for us to want to pack it full of the emotions we experienced during that time.

Interviewer: And which other track would you choose?

KAI: 濁 (Daku). I think this type of track might not be very familiar to Gekirock readers. It’s a song that really lets you immerse yourself deeply in its world, and I believe that’s one of our strengths. And being able to enjoy such a dark atmosphere is one of the best parts of visual kei, so it might actually be something fresh for Gekirock readers.

Interviewer: With tracks like NOX, which incorporates string elements into loud rock, and THE PALE, which evokes vivid imagery as you listen, the 11 songs on this album each stand out with their unique characteristics. That said, with such a wide variety of songs, wasn't it difficult to compile them into one album?

URUHA: If anything, it was actually a bit harder during NINTH. This time, we didn’t really struggle with that.

KAI: The GazettE has been a band that’s experimented with a lot of different things over the years. We’re quite accustomed to blending a variety of elements into a single album, so it’s something we’re pretty good at by now (laughs).

Interviewer: What was the most challenging part of the production process this time around?

URUHA: This time, because of COVID, we couldn’t gather as a band very often. All the string instrument parts were recorded at home. Even beyond the recording process, we had to proceed without being able to clearly see what each member was working on or how they were approaching things.

KAI: We even did the mixing online this time, which was a first.

Interviewer: When working on the guitar ensemble, did you also communicate with AOI online rather than in person?

URUHA: We kept using LINE and Zoom throughout pre-production. Even after the recording phase was done and we moved to mixing, we still had thorough discussions to make sure the ideal form we each had in mind matched up with the actual sound, so we kept communicating until the very last minute before the deadline.

Interviewer: In such a setup, what approach did you take to find solutions to issues as they arose?

URUHA: First, I tried to draw out AOI’s vision as much as possible—what kind of sound he was aiming for. In the past, I might have jumped in with my own ideas first, like, “Here’s what I think.” But this time, I focused on understanding what AOI wanted to achieve and then considered how I could contribute. Luckily, with tools like re-amping and cabinet IRs (impulse responses), we could tweak sounds extensively. We were able to adjust both AOI’s tone and mine in real-time during our discussions to bring them closer to our shared vision. It was a somewhat tedious and roundabout method (laughs), but it gave us ample time to share and refine our ideas. I think the way we aligned as a twin-guitar duo turned out quite well in the end.

Interviewer: Wouldn’t it be fair to say that it wasn’t a roundabout process but rather a meticulous and careful approach?

URUHA: I guess you could put it that way. Also, this time it was necessary to create from a bird's-eye view, rather than from a subjective point of view.

Interviewer: The twin guitar sound doesn’t clash unnecessarily; instead, it achieves a harmonious and refined ensemble, which makes perfect sense now.

URUHA: I'm glad. If you could feel that, it's all worth it (laughs). While it wasn’t to the extent of completely suppressing myself, this time I really focused all my energy on fully embracing the intentions of the composer, each part's preferences and finding the best possible landing point.

Interviewer: After completing MASS, is there anything new you’ve realized or learned from this experience?

KAI: We were able to do the production online, and as a result, we managed to create something like this. I’ve come to understand that the ideal way to work would be for everyone to gather in person for things like mixing. Hearing the sound from the same speakers and discussing it on-site is really important. When each of us listens on different speakers, our discussions can get a bit misaligned (laughs).

URUHA: The sound changes depending on the environment, after all. Things we used to do smoothly without any issues took unexpected extra effort this time. That’s definitely something to address moving forward, but realizing it was itself a significant takeaway from this production.

Interviewer: This album has been titled MASS. I would be grateful if you could explain a little about the thoughts behind this title.

KAI: The word MASS itself carries many meanings, so it’s not like the title is meant to reflect just one of those meanings. But the aspect of "MASS" as "one cohesive entity" is definitely one of them.

Interviewer: It seems like listeners will have the opportunity to explore and find the meanings themselves while enjoying this album. Also, this happens to be the GazettE’s 10th studio album.

KAI: Yes, and we kept that in mind with the jacket design. It’s a collage that incorporates elements from all our album covers since our first full-length album, DISORDER, released in 2004. In that sense, you could interpret MASS as a square within a square*, and I think it can be interpreted in many other ways.

*The term he used is "枡目の枡" (masume no masu). It’s like saying the "unit" or "box" that is a part of the grid. So, it’s a way of emphasizing that the "masu" itself is a part of a larger, organized structure made up of smaller units.

URUHA: That said, MASS isn’t what you’d call a conceptual album. It wasn’t created around a specific theme. It’s more accurate to say it encapsulates the core of the band, distilled into one record at this moment in time. But this doesn’t represent some sort of final destination for the GazettE. If anything, it’s just a checkpoint. This is our best work at this time, but there are still many unanswered questions even after finishing the recording. Those are things we’ll have to discover as we keep moving forward. Creating this album really reminded me, after three years, "Oh yeah, this is what making an album feels like" (laughs).

Interviewer: As the GazettE celebrates 19 years this year and approaches its 20th anniversary next year, we sincerely hope for the day when we can hear the songs from MASS performed live as soon as possible.

KAI: Since we’ve released MASS, of course we want to follow it up with live performances. That’s definitely on our minds. However, we’ll need to consider the timing carefully. Regardless, we’re making preparations so that we’re ready to go whenever the opportunity arises. So, I’d like to say it clearly here: We will do live shows!

URUHA: The issue of COVID-19 is a global one, so for now, saying “We want to do live shows” is really just an expression of our hopes. But if people listen to MASS and feel, “I want to go to their concert!” then we believe it’s our job to create the conditions to respond to that feeling as much as possible moving forward.

Interviewer: How are you feeling about the upcoming 20th anniversary next spring?

URUHA: We had a lot of plans in place for the 20th anniversary, but some of them have had to be changed under the current circumstances. Still, when I think about it, I feel like reaching 20 years is pretty incredible. I'm amazed that we've lasted this long (laughs).

KAI: Hahaha (laughs).

URUHA: But as the years go by, I’ve come to feel more and more that it’s because of the five of us that we’ve been able to keep going. Our members are truly resilient, and their love for the band runs deep. Without that, we wouldn’t have made it through all the rough seas we’ve faced over the years. I felt that once again when we finished MASS.

KAI: That’s why, even beyond the 20th anniversary, all we want to do is keep expressing what we want to convey through our music. That’s everything for the GazettE.

[starry1avender]

Why I Don't Like the Idea of An Eclipse Redemption In SAMS Canon (Opinion)

Spoilers for today's SAMS episode "Eclipse has a PURPOSE in VRCHAT"!

"If I'm so 'lonely', what should I do then?! It's not like anyone's gonna accept me back" god I fucking hope not-

(Rant about why I don't want an Eclipse redemption under cut)

(Please note that of course, you don't have to agree with me at all or take it too seriously. Everyone has different standards when it comes to who they can and cannot forgive, and who they believe deserves a second chance. It's perfectly fine to feel bad or pity him as well. Hell, I do at times. At the end of the day, I'm just some goofy ahh teen ranting about why I think a character from a FNAF roleplay shouldn't be vindicated, so really everyone loses-)

I'm just going to say it now: As much as I like Eclipse as a character and as much as I enjoyed seeing this side of him, I really hope that they aren't trying to set up a redemption arc for him or to have him be spared and just let him get away with everything. I really don't. I don't care if he feels lonely or even a bit of remorse for his actions, he doesn't deserve redemption or a second chance or any sort of mercy by any of the cast. It'd just be...Kinda yikes. Doesn't help that I'm sick of the whole "It doesn't matter what you did or who you've hurt!1!1!1!11! As long as you're willing to change you can be vindicated!!!1!1!1!!11!" Trope a lot of media pushes out, which is a whole other can of worms I won't open today.

First of all, the obvious atrocities. He's literally abused and tortured the main cast, changed the ENTIRE UNIVERSE'S MEMORIES, sent Sun and Moon to life-threatening dimensions to try and break them mentally, killed people directly and indirectly (Bloodmoon), and October speaks for itself. Eclipse has severely fucked up so many lives on so many levels and that should not go unpunished. Furthermore, the fact that he does all of these things ON-SCREEN and that it’s portrayed in a (naturally) negative light does not help my pathos as a viewer when the idea of a redemption appears. Eclipse is an abuser, manipulator, and overall war criminal who deserves nothing less than death, even if he genuinely wants to change or has any regrets, it’s too little too late.

Eclipse has also had CHANCES to change. Sun and Moon have repeatedly given him the option to make a deal with them. Mainly in the beginning, They gave opportunities to just stop and come to a mutual agreement. Every single time, he rejected out of anger and pettiness. He’s had a choice this entire time. He’s not like Moon, who was heavily under the influence of his programming (the Kill Code) or Lunar who didn’t know any better due to being under Eclipse’s command. Eclipse has had a conscious decision in every action and knew damn well exactly what he was doing. It’s been almost 500 videos of this and only NOW, When he’s already caused so much pain and suffering, is he finally having second thoughts. Once again, too little too late. That sentence pretty much sums up my entire thoughts. His arc just needs to be done and over so we can move on to the next thing.

In conclusion, Eclipse has done too many horrendous things to the cast despite several opportunities to stop to make him redeemable in my eyes. He’s gone too far too many times, and once again: Too little too late.  In my opinion, the ample way to end off his arc is to kill him for good. Be it through his own means or others, I’m not too picky. Just please for the love of fuck-

[popcorn-plots]

Day 1: Helpless | 100 words | Wong reflects on being sick. | Ao3 | Tumblr

Day 2: Solitary confinement | 100 words | Stephen Strange laments. | Ao3 | Tumblr

Day 3: "Bit down on this" | 689 words | Sherlo-- Stephen gets injured on a casemission. Watson Wong to the rescue. | Ao3 | Tumblr

Day 4/5: Obedience/Rope burns | 932 words | Stephen and Wong are held captive in their own home in a robbery gone wrong (mostly). | Ao3 | Tumblr

Day 6: "You lied to me." | 500 words | Tony confronts Stephen about a choice he made. A choice that ruined both their lives. | Ao3 | Tumblr

Day 7: Suffering in silence. | 150 words | Stephen Strange was fine. | Ao3 | Tumblr

Day 8: "Why won't it stop?" | 200 words | Stephen Strange breaks after using Atlantean Black Magic. | Ao3 | Tumblr

Day 9: Bees | 1128 words | America gets stung by a bee. Stephen comforts her when she admits her biggest fear. | Ao3 | Tumblr

Day 10: Killing in self-defense | 100 words | Stephen Strange is found guilty. | Ao3 | Tumblr

Day 11: Time loop | 100 words | Tony Stark is stuck in a time loop. | Ao3 | Tumblr

Day 12: Semi-conscious | 741 words | Stephen has a nightmare in the library, one he didn't quite wake up from until he was safe in Wong's arms. | Ao3 | Tumblr

Day 13: "You weren't supposed to get hurt." | 176 words | Stephen watches his daughter grow up. | Ao3 | Tumblr

Day 14: Blood-stained tiles | 59 words | Wong reflects on his husbands death. | Ao3 | Tumblr

Day 15: "Who did this to you?" | 150 words | Stephen visits a grave. | Ao3 | Tumblr

Day 16: Alt -- "I love you." | 903 words | Stephen plays the bait in a mission to take out a group of rogue sorcerers. Wong intervenes and feelings are felt. | Ao3 | Tumblr

Day 17: Hostage situation | 694 words | Strange or the people of New York. Tough decision. Who lives, who dies…. You are playing a delicate game, Sorcerer Supreme. You decide who survives. Play God, just for a second, or we destroy your planet. Your choice, Sorcerer Supreme. You have 24 hours to decide. | Ao3 | Tumblr

Day 18: Alt -- Found footage | 756 words | A video is posted about Stephen Strange and the death of his sister, Donna. Stephen watches his old high school bullies vandalize his locker -- and his well-being. | Ao3 | Tumblr

Day 19: "Please don't." | 100 words | Stephen and Eugene’s relationship is all but healthy. So when Stephen gets home and finds his father drinking, he tries to avoid him at all costs... but avoiding Eugene is near impossible when you’re the one he’s angry at. | Ao3 | Tumblr

Day 20: Truth serum | 367 words | Stephen ingests a truth serum. The students of Kamar-Taj are curious, but some take it a bit too far. | Ao3 | Tumblr

Day 21: Unresponsive | 567 words | Tony finds Stephen nearly dead, barely breathing, an empty bottle of painkillers just out of reach. | Ao3 | Tumblr

Day 22: Alt -- CPR | 866 words | Tony Stark has a heart attack during an event. Peter performs CPR with the help of a mysterious stranger. | Ao3 | Tumblr

Day 23: Presumed dead | 200 words | With the cloak returning from the fight alone and radiating sadness, one could only assume the worst. | Ao3 | Tumblr

Day 24: "I'm doing this because I care about you." | 261 words | Wong is not the person he once was. | Ao3 | Tumblr

Day 25: Waterboarding | 1110 words | Stephen Strange is part of the .1% of the world's population that can see their soulmate's experiences. Great for Tony Stark, not so great for Stephen when his soulmate gets waterboarded in the middle of Stephen's shift. | Ao3 | Tumblr

Day 26: "Help them." | 375 words | Stephen knows he's going to die. Why waste time on him when others need it more? | Ao3 | Tumblr

Day 27: Left for dead | 455 words | The Illuminati on Earth-838 don't kill Stephen Strange. They maroon him on Titan, alone and stripped of his magic.

Stephen doesn't believe this is punishment enough for his crimes. | Ao3 | Tumblr

Day 28: "No... not like this."/Alt -- last words | 500 words | Wong finally confesses his feelings for Stephen... just as he's dying in the man's arms. | Ao3 | Tumblr

Day 29: Not allowed to die/Alt -- immortality | 682 words | Stephen Strange is cursed. | Ao3 | Tumblr

Guys we did it. We finished Febuwhump!

[therealslimshakespeare]

Ok reasons why I like Maureen (this is incomplete list as those reasons are still multiplying)

1. She’s dedicated to her choices. She choose to get into army, it did not go the way she hoped but she still persevered and did her job.

2. She’s protective over people she loves -not only Gale as it’s common misconception. She tried to take bullet for Ida, checks up on girls in Stalag, reacted very strongly to Bucky being hurt, supports Gale and Jack during the worst of their abuse and never once her respect and love for them waivers, she spend her childhood trying to protect her brother

3. She’s an ally! It might feel like nothing know, but we must remember that it’s 1940s. I’m pretty sure it was illegal to engage in (ominous voice) “gay activities”.

4. She makes a conscious effort to change, which we see both in fics and in asks -and that change is permement

5. She’s also a young girl? She’s allowed to make mistakes and fuck up. We judge those characters using modern sensibilities but reality is they are very young people in very trying times -I would say she’s more than alright when you consider that

6. She’s unabashed in her sexuality. It’s so important to me to see character like that, because sexuality is such a significant part of human existence. And this pre second wave of feminism. So many things are still taboo. To be so comfortable in one’s skin and able to enjoy your body (despite being groomed as a child and abused as a woman) is to be a trailblazer really. There is a counter argument to made here that she’s overtly sexual in response to her trauma, but I believe that it’s only partly that. She just enjoys having fun and that includes sex and she’s unapologetic about it (this is also present in pacific version of Maureen-who’s also awesome! Because Maureen’s are incapable of not being awesome)

7. She’s funny. I just like her sense of humour and would probably like to drink with her if she was real. She likes to have fun and be around people and enjoy their company. How can I not like that. She’s the extrovert friend who adopts all the introverts nearby. Her being sociable also means that she easily gain allies from different prisoners -and that’s important in a place with limited resources

8. She’s supportive of her friends -she pushes Gale to include Lu’s engineering skills in his quest for radio, she’s supportive of Jack’s decision to marry Tilly and welcomes her with open arms, she embraces her husband biking hobby

9. She’s competent. Recognises one’s strength and helps to create a semi working community in Stalag by pointing out who would be the best for what

10. She’s also loyal. Once she decides she cares for someone she’s for them despite anything (not saying that she won’t voice her opinion). She was there for Ida’s birth even tho it was fucking traumatic for her, she’s there for her when she tries to take onto military after they close down women’s division, but she also supports Gale in his own journey to process all that horrifying experiences

11. She rejects comfort and money her family provides because she want’s to make something of her own life by signing up for war and later on she rejects them again because of their treatment of her and Gale

12. She a realist. And that’s something I will always appreciate in character. She’s calling things as she sees them and that’s so fucking useful during the war when harebrained optimism can kill

13. This is asks based reason but who cares, she’s a good mom, who tries to raise better people

14. She’s a fucking war hero!

This was such fun to read as an author because it’s like a summary of a very incomplete character and it’s like- woah and yay and wow about how she comes across to one reader with actual instances cited and y’all know how I adore my anon essays; no cap

[benkyoutobentou]

31 Days of Productivity Reading もう一回！: Days 28-29

Day 28: I had a very reading relaxed day. In true fashion of someone who spends the majority of their free time starting at words on paper, I really didn't know what else to do with my free time beyond reading, so I ended up finishing A Psalm for the Wild-Built and returning that to my library, then starting Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit. And yes, I did make a conscious decision to not read in Japanese because I wanted to give myself space.

However, I did indeed still get some Japanese practice in! Not only have I been getting along surprisingly well with doing N2 flashcards (I consistently know 1/3 of them and I'm still on my first time through the deck. So yes, immersion does work!), I also watched a movie in Japanese. I watched カタクリ家の幸福 which is an absurdist horror comedy musical about a family who opens up a bed and breakfast and all of their patrons start dying. I really enjoyed it, even if some of the jokes didn't age very well. It was weird, stupid in parts, visually stunning, and really engaging. I also watched without any subtitles and found it pretty accessible, except for one character who spoke in a fake accent and another who spoke about a hundred words per second. I think I'd recommend it to anyone who already likes weird movies, and especially the specific brand of 90s/2000s Japanese weird.

Day 29: I read a little bit in Japanese today and read 狼の皮をかぶった羊姫 which is a fantasy GL about a wolf butler and a sheep princess. It took me under an hour to get through and that's probably just as much time as I'd like to spend on it. It seemed to rely on kawaii and moe more than actual substance to get the audience to enjoy it. I'm not sure if I'll buy the rest of the series, but I'll at least read what I've got of it. It was also 144 pages long, which completes my goal of 100 pages per day! Even though I'm mostly considering my challenge completed, even though its... not.

Since I'm considering myself largely finished with this challenge, let's take a look at how I did

Read 100 pages of manga OR 25 pages of a novel each day [26/29 - not bad]

Finish reading three novels [2/3 - I'm okay with that]

Read ten volumes of manga [11/10 - crushing the manga game!]

[clutzicone-dts]

Season 2, episode 11- The Last Hope

OKAY HOW MANY EPISODES ARE IN SEASON TWO CAUSE IM GETTING SCARED

ALSO THIS EPISDOE IS CALLED THE LAST HOPE SO IM WORRIED ABOUT THAT TOO

anyway, recap, intro, title card, let’s go!

Immediately back to the dread clock! Yay!!!

He’s in denial, I love him so much

Don’t tell me garmadon vented to the OVERLORD, LITERAL INCARNATION OF ALL THE EVIL OF THE WORLD

Look at them, celebrating. Happy. Not a care in the world. Sighh

Was, was that our beach episode?? WAS THAT IT??? IS THAT ALL WE’RE GETTING????

Anyway, dr julienne foreshadowing the clock, and Wu bringing us back into attention

Awww look at him trying to comfort Lloyd

Ohhhh it’s called the Celestial Clock? I’ll have to check if it has any space components next time we see it

Bequeath

Also I love how much more ripped Cole is than Kai, they specifically made Cole jacked, that was a conscious decision

Garmadon don’t abuse your troops

Professional procrastinator garmadon my beloved

Hmm. I worry. Also how does garmadon not realize how suspicious the overlord is, he’s not even hiding it!!

Several irl hours later:

Okay my draft saved that’s good lemme just skip back forward

Ultimate weapon? And it’s not the megaweapon

I’m sorry I still just can’t get over the overlord’s raspy ass voice

Omggggggg heyyyyy misako

“Bequeath bequeath bequeath!” And then he does a little dance

So. Like. Is garmadon nocturnal or just takin a nap

MISAKO DONT YOU DARE TRY TO FLIRT WITH TWO OLD MEN

“Lloyd doesn’t want to fight…?” OH REALLY I COULDNT HAVE GUESSED

“I mean-so Lloyd doesn’t want to fight?” Garmadon you are not fooling anyone

“Then you’re not the man I married” DIVORCE ARC BABYYYY

That. Agh…. Garmadon honey I love you so much

How is the ultimate weapon just a glorified tank, surely-surely there’s something better than this??

WILHELM SCREAM (4th one so far)

JUST BECAUSE YOU PUNCHED A GUY DOESNT MEAN YOU HAVE TO BLOW YOUR ENTIRE COVER????

“Being evil these days is really unappreciated!” GOD I KNOW RIGJT???

MISAKO PROFESSIONAL MANIPULATOR YESSS!!!!!! I will let her get away just this one time cuz it’s funny

GARMADON GET YOUR OWN IDEAS WE ALREADY HAD ONE MECH THIS SEASON

Kai babygirl what’s fire gonna do against that guy?

NYA BABYGIRL ILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!!!!

BIRD

Into the depths with you!

“If that helmet turns you evil, we’re kicking you out.” Eh. Wouldn’t be the first time one of the group became incredibly morally bankrupt (looking at you, KAI, ZANE, POSSIBLY JAY I HAVENT WATCHED DRAGONS RISING YET,)

“We’re losing them!” Zane no don’t jinx it!!

HE JUST PICKS THEM UP OH MY GOD

LMAO YES LLOYD BLAST HIM-OR DONT I GUESS WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY

LLOYD

LLOYD HONEY

LLOYD LLOYD PLEASE I BEG OF YOU

Oh okay yeah they’re good nvm continue as normal

wha- Wu when did you get there how

Oooh clock! Yep that’s a celestial clock if I ever saw one!

Misako Bbgirl surely there’s a better way of going about this

When did he learn English?????

I wonder how many problems in this series could be solved by a regular use of airjitzu

Hmm… yeah I think it’s been longer than ten seconds

OH YEP DEFINITELY BEEN LONGER TAHN TEN SECODNS WERE FUCKIN DOOMED EVERYONE HIDE

AGH AGH AGH SHIT A FUCK WE ARE DEAD WE ARE DOOMED WE ARE DEAD AND BURIED PREPARE FOR ANNIHILATION EVERYONE OBLITERATION APROACGES THESE ARE THE END TIMES

FUCK FUCK NYA’S DEAD WE ARE ALL DOOMED

LLOYD HONEY NO ITS FINE

HMMMM THAT STRANGE GOLDEN LIGHT IS NOT WORRYING.

I’m sorry the ultimate weapon is called garmatron. Fucking garmatron. I know the overlord is more creative than that cmon

End times and i get run over by something called the garmatron

[phonotactical]

I have written harder emails

Date: Wed Dec 11 22:55 To: Nick@advising.eng.edu Subject: Re: When to apply for graduation

Hello Nick, It appears that I had too much faith in myself. I suspect I'll either outright fail 2 out of my 4 classes this semester or get below a 2.0. If either of those conditions are met, I plan to immediately un-enroll from the Spring term and take a semester off. I will then return in FA25 and SP26, finishing my degree. I understand that readmission is solely a decision for the Dean. Is there a process for petitioning for readmission, or does that automatically occur when I enroll in classes again? Thanks,

The semester ended 1 hour and 5 minutes thereafter. 2 minutes and 30 seconds at the time of writing this. Despite the fact that my entire conscious life has led up to me applying for, being accepted to and subsequently graduating university, I do not feel sadness. I do not feel despair. I do not feel like a failure.

I wrote an email indicating that my four year degree now...isn't, and I feel nothing.

This terrifies me.

[tomthomasblog]

Persecuted but Not Abandoned: Unpacking the Promise of Matthew 5:11-12

Have you ever felt your faith cost you more than you bargained for? Maybe you've faced mockery at school, lost friendships, or even encountered discrimination at work because of your beliefs. If so, you're not alone. Jesus Himself told us to expect such challenges. But He also gave us a powerful promise to hold onto when times get tough.

In Matthew 5:11-12, Jesus says, "Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad; great is your reward in heaven, for they persecuted the prophets before you."

Let's break this down and see what it means for us today.

First, Jesus acknowledges that His followers will face persecution. This isn't a maybe – it's a when. In today's world, this persecution might look like social media bullying, being passed over for promotions, or even facing legal challenges. Jesus doesn't sugarcoat the reality of following Him. He wants us to be prepared.

But here's where it gets interesting. Jesus doesn't just say we'll face these challenges; He calls us "blessed" when we do. This blessing isn't about feeling good in the moment. It's about being in the proper position with God. When we're persecuted for our faith, it shows we're living in a way that reflects Jesus – and that's always a blessed place to be.

Next, Jesus tells us to "rejoice and be exceedingly glad." This isn't just a little happiness; it's over-the-top joy. How is this possible when we're facing hard times? The answer lies in the next part of the verse: "For great is your reward in heaven."

Jesus calls us to shift our focus from the temporary to the eternal. Sure, we might face difficulties now, but these are nothing compared to God's amazing things in store for us. It's like an athlete enduring tough training because they're focused on winning the gold medal. Our "gold medal" is the reward waiting for us in heaven.

Then Jesus reminds us we're not the first to face these challenges. The prophets before us were persecuted, too. This puts us in pretty good company! Think about it – some of the greatest heroes of faith faced opposition. This reminder can give us courage when we feel alone in our struggles.

So, how do we live this out? Here are a few practical steps:

Expect challenges: Don't be surprised when following Jesus leads to difficult situations. Being prepared can help us respond better when persecution comes.

Remember your blessing: When you face opposition, remind yourself that you're blessed. This isn't about feeling blessed but knowing God is with you and approves your faithfulness.

Choose joy: Make a conscious decision to rejoice, even when it's hard. This might mean praising God, counting your blessings, or simply smiling in the face of adversity.

Keep an eternal perspective: Focus on the reward in heaven. This can help you endure temporary hardships.

Learn from others: Read about other Christians who have faced persecution. Their stories can inspire and guide you.

Stay connected: Don't try to go it alone. Stay connected to a supportive church family who can encourage you and pray for you.

Remember, persecution doesn't mean God has abandoned you. It might just be a sign that you're right where God wants you to be. So stand firm in your faith, keep your eyes on Jesus, and look forward to the splendid reward waiting for you!

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The Scripture Collection A compilation of 20 uplifting music videos inspired by a different Bible scripture. First Edition: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rv1XEZzrCvE Second Edition: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucV8yJIEsvc

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Website: https://bwpub.net/

I've created the song "Blessed Are You" in three different genres from Matthew 5:11-12.

cape verdean acoustic rock https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LBsygZAbOE harpischord symphonic metal https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6oJnLBdLy4 acoustic rock chillsynth https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhKmAHLsOcA