#but the point is that they set out to do very different things here

[tc-doherty]

I have been known to talk about this before but ooooh it really grinds my gears

I get that people explore all kinds of things, and different things can matter in different ways to people and that is all fine! But I hate it so much personally. For a lot of history (mostly talking about Europe here, but a lot of fantasy is 'based' on Ideas About Europe), it wasn't built into the infrastructure to Be Queer. It wasn't necessarily an identity, so much as a set of behaviors people engaged in. But at the end of the day, most people still needed to go get married and have children so they could actually survive.

I'm not saying nobody engaged in queer behavior, they absolutely did! A lot! And for a lot of history it wasn't even an issue. In the eyes of the church, sure it was a sin, but so were SO many other things like, you know, all premarital or extramarital sex in general. And having sex for reasons other than procreation.

Very rarely was there any aspect of identity or community similar to what we have nowadays. And there was also a very different understanding of gender and sex and behavior, which is all super fascinating to explore and gives you lots of ways to deal with this in fiction!

In some places, queer behavior was expected, but to be grown out of, or only in certain circumstances. In many places it wasn't an issue as long as you still did what you needed to do for your family (i.e., getting married and having kids). I've even seen this attitude still reflected in modern society in some places - listening to an interview with a lesbian woman in China whose family members basically told her "get married, have kids, get divorced, and then you can do what you want to do, no one will care at that point"

If you go look up the laws of Hammurabi* there four specific rulings about male/male sexual conduct that bring up some really interesting things about the society. About who owes who what based on what role they play, and what it might say about them, and anyway if you were upper-class and also the bottom and then decided you didn't like it, you could literally sue someone for fucking you as like......deformation of character, basically? Hilarious! Queer history is great and fascinating! There's so many ways to approach it!

People can do whatever they want, but queer as an identity (neutral) just doesn't really show up in my work. It doesn't seem right to me that my characters would talk about themselves like that, or that their societies would be built like that.

And it just doesn't do anything for me personally to have modern queer frameworks put into non-modern settings.

*It was a while ago that I was doing this research, so it is possible that it wasn't Hammurabi specifically but a similar legal code from the same period. But, you know.

he would not fucking say that but it’s he would not fucking talk about his queer identity like he was reading out of a college campus lgbt center brochure

[remstrrs]

Stranger Things VR and How it Portrays Byler/Elmax VS Milven

I wanted to make this post bc I haven't seen the ST VR game discussed on here much at all, especially in terms of it's Byler/Elmax content, and I think some people weren't even aware of it's existence!

In short, the game consists of nine chapters which switch through different time periods from 1979 to 1986, and contain the perspectives of multiple characters, including Henry/001/Vecna (mainly), Will, Billy, and El. The chapters all focus on how Vecna is influencing the characters or vice versa.

Although all of the chapters have very interesting lore woven into them, in this post im going to focus in on chapters 3 and 4 (which are more Will centric) and chapter 9 (which is El centric).

Chapter 3: The Possession of Will Byers

Chapter three opens with us as Will in November of 1984 while he slowly becomes possessed by Vecna. Vecna begins tormenting him in his mind, which prompts Will to attempt to focus on a good memory. He ends up at Castle Byers with Mike.

Mike talks to Will for a couple moments, but soon, Will's mind goes back into Upside Down hallucinations.

The player cycles through multiple hallucinations in which Vecna taunts Will and tells him his friends see him as a freak, while also tormenting him with visions of the demogorgon. This continues until Vecna tells him that he'll show Will "how miserable he really is"

We then cut to another memory/hallucination (it's slightly unclear, and i believe that's the point) where Mike tells Will that El is "different from anyone" Mike's ever met, and tells Will he wouldn't get it because he's never liked anyone. Then, we get this heartbreaking dialogue that lowkey makes me want to cry (all lines are Vecna speaking to Will):

Obviously, Will's feelings towards Mike are already canonical, but this gives us even more confirmation that these feelings root back all the way to at least mid-season 2. Also, we do get more of a look into Will's POV on El before he met her, which is a little bit upsetting :(

Then, Vecna taunts Will more by telling him that he understands him the most out of everyone, and we cut to Ch4.

Chapter 4: The Spy

Chapter 4 also takes place in November of 1984, but it's main premise is Vecna attempting to take hold of each of the party members' minds by taunting them with their fears.

He fails in taking hold of Dustin, Lucas, and Mike's minds, as they have been made too strong by the events of season one, but manages to weaken Will's mind enough to be let in.

I'd like to point out, though, that the main fear Mike is taunted with is losing El, and never knowing what "could've been" between them-

But when Vecna breaks into Will's mind, he specifically asks him what Mike is afraid of. It's as if he doesn't know because taunting him about his relationship with El couldn't reach him. Keep in mind that he also failed to break into Lucas and Dustin's minds, but it was only Mike's fears that he asks Will about.

Shortly after, Will's nose starts bleeding and Mike immediately notices and uses Nancy's shirt (lmao) to go up to him and stop the bleeding.

At this point, we reenter Will's mind, where Vecna is throwing all sorts of taunts at him, and telling him that his friends have outgrown him, and that "he'll finally matter to someone" (i assume this is referring to him potentially joining Vecna, but it's an interesting detail). However, Will is able to break free of Vecna's control by paying attention to Mike, who is tending to his bloody nose and taking care of him.

I do believe that it means something that a lot of post s4 content focuses in on Will's relationship with Mike, and, knowing that Will could experience possession in season 5, it sets up an interesting dynamic by giving us even more examples of Mike being the only one able to get through to Will.

Now, you might be asking, "well, Will's chapters are very focused on his relationship with Mike in particular, so El's probably is as well, right?"

Well, you'd be wrong!

Chapter 9: The Resurrection of Mad Max

Firstly, i want to start of by saying that while chapter 8 is also El POV, it only covers her origins with 001, and covers already mostly known info, so I decided to focus in more on chapter 9 instead.

Ch9 takes place in March of 1986, and we open immediately with the scene in which Max gets put into her coma. Vecna speaks to El and blames her for this, but El tells him that she won't let him take Max.

We then get an expansion of the S4 scene where El goes into Max's mind, cycling through different memories there while Vecna continues to taunt her.

In this sequence, one of the most interesting lines in my opinion is this one:

"You chose her"

Here, we get more evidence that Max is El's most important relationship. Max is El's person.

Throughout both El-centric chapters, Mike is mentioned only a couple times in passing.

Finally, and maybe most importantly, is an almost perfect parallel to Mike's speech to El, but this time it's from Max:

Max brings up the first time her and El met, just like Mike did in his speech. However, while Mike blatantly lies and tells El it was love at first sight, Max is honest. Even though their first meeting wasn't pleasant, she recalls it truthfully.

Then, we get this parallel, which I think is insane:

In Mike's speech, he tells El that she's his superhero, which is one of their main points of argument earlier in the season- El doesn't want to always be the superhero, she doesn't want to be placed on a pedestal, but Mike doesn't quite understand that. Max, however, tells El that she likes her just as herself - that she's human, and doesn't constantly have to fit that role that she's been put into.

Max knows exactly what El needs to hear, and their bond is more important to El than her bond with Mike, which is why Mike is not a key character in her story in this game (and wont be in s5). Will needs Mike, and it's Mike's care for him that pulls Will out of his visions and nightmares - which is why Mike is a part of Will's storyline in s5 (and will be in s5).

Max is El's person, and Mike is Will's person. Ty.

[f1-stuff]

hello mal. would you share your favourite charlos moments as teammates? i would love to know what you really think is the best

Hello! I was putting this off bc it was causing me much distress just thinking about which moments I would choose, but here we are! You didn't specify how many so I narrowed it down to my all-time top 10, with a few honorable mentions.

You did specify 'as teammates', so I'm gonna leave out the infamous singapore 2018 pool, tho it is an all-time charlos moment to be sure... The order is honestly kind of random because I found it really hard to rank them (don't ask a mother to choose her favorite child!)

10. Cookie decorating!! (2022) - I love this video so much (which is why I made a whole charlos flirting video essay about it). It's just chock-full of classic ways the two of them interact and joke around (Charles trying to blindfold Carlos for him, constantly trying to steal things out of his hands, both whistling/humming the same song at different points, touching constantly...). And why were they sitting like this?? (we know why) Anyway, I don't think we talk about it enough.

9. Monza Ferrari battle (2023) - I simultaneously love and hate this moment asfghdka which is maybe why it's down so low on the list. It's the most adrenaline and anxiety I've ever had watching F1 (I was literally running circles around my living room, yelling at the TV). But I think it also just exemplifies how competitive the two of them are, how hard they race each other without crashing. Like, their rivalry is core characterization for them, therefore it had to be on the list!!

(their tyres are literally kissing) ((this was foreplay for them))

8. Bahrain 1-2 (2022) - A classic!! Their first double podium and 1-2 as teammates! Their hug in parc ferme!! Carlos trying to pour wine into Charles' mouth on the podium!!! They were so giddy and happy, and it felt like the start of an incredible year...(we all know how it really turned out 🥴) This could maybe be higher on the list, but it feels so long ago now that I think I'd need to rewatch the race to draw back up those emotions again.

7. 'Lord Perceval' is coined (2021) - This whole moment is so cute, and it became pretty iconic since the team would go on to use the nickname a lot, and it spread throughout the fandom. It's sort of funny bc they were clearly joking around, but it caught on. They became the Smooth Operator and Lord Perceval, and I think that's beautiful.

6. Monaco hug (2024) - It was actually harder than I thought to choose between this one and the Monza '24 one. They both feature Carlos being super happy for a Charles win, his patented charles hair grab, as well as charlos cradling each other heart-to-heart, cheek-to-cheek. ❤️ I went with Monaco bc it came first in the year so had a greater impact on me, and bc Charles finally broke the Monaco curse.

5. Carlos' birthday surprise (2022) - Set the standard for Charlos birthday shenanigans. Charles complaining about his legs cramping in the cupboard LOL. I just love how happy Carlos looked in all those clips... Also, they were on their honeymoon that weekend or something, because there was also the 'I know you very well' hilarious lissie mackintosh vid and the 'you're doing great love'.

4. The bracelet video (2023) - Just...iconic. Charles asking Carlos for help with his bracelet and Carlos calling him 'darling,' asking for a kiss afterward. They've never been more married.

3. THE tiktok (2022) - This might be too high on the list tbh, but for the sheer shock value of waking up to it that day and the mania it caused in the charlos community, it's a hard one to beat. 😂

2. C² song challenge in Fiorano (2021) - this one gets the place of honor as #2 bc it's charlos' favorite moment together (along with Bahrain '22). They've both mentioned a few times that they fondly remember that day, and how much they laughed. It's also at the very beginning of their partnership, and it shows how immediately they acted like giddy besties.

1. Chili plushie (2024) - Okay. I guess?? This is my all-time favorite charlos moment??? 🥺 It was my favorite of 2024, so it could be recency bias. But something about it being the start of their bittersweet end...Carlos gifting him the chili...'so you remember me for the rest of your life'...Charles in his denial era...oof. I just really love these two, and this moment made me emotional about their years of friendship, rivalry, and shenanigans soon coming to an end.

This was so hard!!! But alas, I forced myself to narrow it down, and also to try and represent all of the years of their partnership, in different scenarios (racing/non-racing). Obviously, there are so many other amazing moments, so I'll consider it a blessing that we are so spoiled for choice as charlos fans ❤️

Honorable mentions (that I struggled not to include):

Drivers' parade car with swapped names

'Jazz'

Mexico balls grab

Blindfolded sim racing bdsm hair-pulling !!

Train sandwich share

Miami start-stop challenge

'jamon iconico'

Jenga challenge (my first ever f1 gifset!!)

Charles snoozing next to Carlos during football

Goggle games

'Take off your clothes, Carlos'...

There's just so many 😌

[aeternus-art]

"You are Not Your Body, Not Your Mind, Or Your Brain-

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Not your thoughts or feelings, you are not your DNA

You am the observer, You're a witness of life" -the song uses "I", but for the sake of the point i changed it to "you".

This post gets a little out in orbit, but i hope it's a fun ride nevertheless. We'll be addressing how nothing can stop you from shifting, how "shifting methods" can be looked at from a new perspective, addressing thoughts and limiting beliefs, and how you really *really* don't need to believe you'll shift in order to do so- as well as why that's the case.

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆

｡𖦹°⭒. ˚ ｡. ˚ ☁︎

ׂ 𓈒 ⋆ ۪𓍊𓋼𓆏𓋼𓍊 𓈒 ⋆

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

When you come to understand that you need not identify with all the noise and goings on of your cr, it can become exceptionally easy to turn away from any limiting thoughts, and lightly embrace your dr self.

- ☁️You are neither your Cr self or your Dr self, and you are also both, depending on what you're looking at.

Your consciousness awareness is a flashlight, your 4d are the shadow puppets, and your 3d are the shadows. You make the shadow puppets, and you use your flashlight (that always stays on you) so create any image you could imagine. If you want a different shadow, make a different puppet and use it in front of that flashlight.

- ☁️You are the creator of your reality. The 3d you see around you is a reflection of that creation. Now, the directness of the reflection isn't always so direct, it goes off the state of being you *are*, not the one you want to be. Are you chillin at the idea of being able to wake up anywhere, or is this cr body trying to tell you that you can't or won't? Want to know how to prove it wrong?

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

If anti-shifters can shift, just by feeling like "i don't *think* it's real, but if it were it'd be easy", then there is nothing stopping you. If shifters can shift without even so much as setting an intention, there is nothing stopping you.

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

I'm going to talk light science for a sec, but it's just for the sake of visual representation. During the big bang (as i recall) everything that was once together and whole, essentially exploded and pieces scatted everywhere.

Now, if this is the case, I kind of like to think about it as one ginormous jawbreaker separating into millions and billions of little jawbreakers. Now here's the thing, allllll those jawbreakers, every last one, has a little piece of the core inside them. That, in this example, is like your conciousness- that connection to all your drs and manifestations exists.

Your subconscious mind's job is partially to keep you safe in the background- but remember- you are not your brain, so you are not, at your core, this subconscious. You are not the little doubts and frustrations that pop up. You don't need to listen to any doubts, or "am i doing this right" or "what if-" or "can i-"

- ☁️You have your own little piece of source inside you, that is connected to allllllll the other little pieces everywhere, because at one point, everything was one. (purely for the sake of examples of how "you are already your dr self" ) You are already directly connected to your dr self, you're just looking at the 3d aspects instead of the 4d. You can't change a reflection, without changing what is being reflected. Shift your awareness to change the reflection. (this goes for manifestion too)

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

For those familiar with harry potter, let's try another example. If you make a new friend, and you wanted to floo to their home, you would have to set up the connection in the floo network (if you weren't already connected). Once you set up this connection, it says unless one or both people close it.

- ☁️Connecting to your dr self is very similar. You contact the floo network (your conscious awareness) and you turn your attention to the desired place you would like to "unlock", like a fireplace, there was never a closed door, it just might not have been an activated path. You can stand in that fireplace all day, saying the name over and over and over, but unless you connect to the floo network, you're not going anywhere (not through that method at least)

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

☁️This "awareness" that I speak of is simply just your attention. You are the observer, and even after doing this for so many years, even I still occasionally forget that. The beauty is, you don't stop being "the observer" just because you stop being consciously aware. This is why it's important, imo, to sometimes just turn your attention away from unwanted states. You woke up here again? Okay, doesn't matter. Stop trying to change the shadows. Remember, you get what you are being, and shifts are instant.

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Now, side note, you don't need to walk around like you're in your dr all day. If you can't do that- that's fine! Just become neutral to it- it's just one reality in infinite others you get to explore. This isn't permanent. You are not stuck. If i say that and your mind tries to disagree, just let it do its thing. You know who you are at your core, what difference does one mind out of infinite ones make?

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

☁️Methods Are Not Hard and Fast Rules. Methods are Malleable☁️

I've used methods, and i've not used methods. My first shift was literally just me (unintentionally) crashing out due to not being able to shift, and eventually, after all the tears had fallen, the pent up emotions had been felt, my dr was rightfully shoved right off the pedastool, and because I had been embodying my dr self in weeks past, I had already built the shadow puppet. Once I finally stopped trying to *get* somewhere, I woke up in my Dr. I didn't need to add anything, I actually just needed to Let Go of my limiting beliefs- and not go back to them like an ex down bad lol. I broke up with "can't shift" or "won't shift" (or maybe it broke up with me lol)

*All of this to say, you don't need a method. I was already connected and in my dr in the 4d, but this was before I learned about all of that- it wasn't intentional. If I knew that all i needed to do was connect the floos, and just chill with knowing I can walk in and out of the 3d (as consciousness) I probably would've shifted sooner. But that's just me-*

- ☁️It's like walking on a trail with this stunning view at the end, and they have one of those poles in the middle to keep vehicles off. You, as just a person (just conscious awareness) can easily walk around it. Now, if you were in a car, you have to get out first. That doesn't mean that it's the wrong path, or you're not allowed to walk it. It just means that you might have to park the car. The car is just a vehicle- it won't be gone when you come back down from the hill. Your cr self doesn't stop existing, you just stop being *directly* aware of it in your dr.

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊

Now, who are methods good for? Methods are excellent for anyone who just feels like they need a little more of a solid grasp on their dr and dr selves, people who get distracted easily, and really anyone who wants one. The important thing is just that you don't *need* one- I still use methods, not even really to help me shift, but because i think they're fun!

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

A note on states:

Rather than asking shifters "what made you shift", i implore you to try, "what does it feel like to be a shifter". For me, it's like knowing you have a fully stocked kitchen. I know that I could go and make amazing food anytime i want, but right now i'm not hungry. I satiated my thirst for my drs in my 4d imagination before ever actually interacting with them in the 3d. I shift, not only because it's fun and i enjoy it- but because that's just the result of this process- it's the law. Reality reflects out.

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

☁️*The Rational Mind*☁️

For those who are stuck on the "rational" side, I want to say that time, physical reality, and the workings of consciousness, aren't always very rational things- but there are plenty of irrational sounding things in the world- especially new things. You don't need to know how shifting works to shift. It doesn't have to feel "rational" to shift. You can fly on a plane with no idea how it works (a hundred ton tube of metal miles in the air??). I think what i'm trying to say, is that if it doesn't seem rational, you may just have to adjust your framework and your perspective.

- The perspective of a pilot might seem more rational when looking at all those buttons, as opposed to someone who's never seen a plane, ya know? Rational is subjective. I think it's rational that I currently have 5 drs that i live my life in. To me, it's perfectly rational that I can manifest anything i want. To me, it's perfectly rational that the 3d is an outwards expression of our internal states- it's just the drama being performed from the script I wrote. That's normal to me- but it wasn't always. The state was always there for me to inhabit and put on, but i actually had to inhabit it and put it on, ya know? It's simple, not necessarily easy for all

The more time you allow yourself to observe your desired outcome, off of the pedastool, seeing it as just an additional reality, 1. the closer you get to feel your dr to you because you're not paying attention to conflicting evidence, and 2. the sooner you shift

- ☁️Remember, reality comes from you, it doesn't happen to you.

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

☁️*Thoughts*☁️

It does not matter if you have one realities thoughts in another reality. It doesn't matter if you're thinking about your cr (events, sounds, emotions) in your dr, because you are still shifting you at your core. You're still going to have this realities memories (unless you scripted them out), so why wouldn't you be allowed to think about it? And even if you did script them out, reacting to blaring red alarm bells whenever it happens probably isn't helping.

- ☁️You're expanding your awareness, not necessarily moving it like "only allowed to be cr" and "only connected to dr right now".

- That's why a lot of shifters say it doesn't feel like anything- because it doesn't. My ratio of dr to cr thoughts when i shift can be as close as 99% cr and 1% dr- not that it even matters because again, you are not your mind, or your thoughts, or this body- you are the awareness of them.

- Don't get too caught up in your Crs 3d, it's more malleable than you think, but you can only mold it as much as you let yourself. There can be an overlap in thoughts/feelings while you're shifting, that's perfectly normal. I have overlaps while i'm literally in my dr- it's okay I promise. You can still shift if you're not solely thinking about your dr all the time.

☁️ "you cant shift" is meaningless to a shifter, so make it normal to feel meaningless to you. YOU know you can shift, so what does it matter? Let it go- treat it like someone just trying to pick a fight with you- it's not worth your time. walk away, and let it go. pick up your dr self in imagination instead :)

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

☁️Some last little notes: ☁️

If you're at the end of your method or attempt, and you know know what to do next, but you can't fall asleep, I would focus on one thing- surrender. Trust that you have made the puppet, you shined your light on it- and now the shadow has no choice but to appear.

Remember, "The time it takes your assumption to become fact, your desire to be fulfilled, is directly proportionate to the naturalness of your feeling of already being what you want to be - of already having what you desire."

You are fully capable of giving it to yourself now. You already have unlimited access to the bottomless well of creative power inside you. Just look beyond the physical, that's where the magic happens.

You don't need to know when you'll shift- and i'll make another post about this in depth cause I have some analogies rattling around in this brain.

Detatch from the outcome. By putting your attention or your dr self, you are eliminating the (illusionary but still "real") physical gap between you and your dr self.

For those of you with vastly different dr selves (compared to cr), I invite you to focus on more mundane tasks. How does it feel to walk in that body? How does it feel to breathe? How does it feel to sit down? To stand up?

☁️***If the goal is to normalize the feeling of having your desire (like a kid the day after christmas) so that your 3d projects that you have your desire, then all you have to do, outside of all the rigmarole, is just- have it. Walk around entertaining the idea you can literally go anywhere, anytime. It doesn't matter if you can't see it right way- your job isn't to *see* your dr self, your job is to normalize being your dr self- the version of you that's successfully shifted. ***☁️

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

I'll try not to go down this last rabbit hole too deep- but time is not linear. If you assume the state of the wish fufilled- you have it Now. All there is, is the now, and the illusion of past and future. Like, Harry Potter saying "well I knew I could do it this time... Because I had already done it." - You are pure consciousness at your core, all of the time, ever-connected to everything else.

You don't need to know how or when your desire will come. If you are normalizing your dr and getting familiar with fulfilling your wishes (not to *get* something, but just to experience) you are already doing everything right. You don't need to "wait" for some desire like a package at the door, you just need to realize it's already in your hands. It always has been, and it always will be :)

When you have a desire, treat it like a pothole- Fill in the *lack* with your wonderful human imagination :) If you carry this habit throughout all of your realities, it helps with more than just shifting.

Hope yall have a good day, and best of luck to you!! 33

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

edit: I don't know if i addressed this directly enough: Once you feel as though your dr and dr self is as normal as *you* are (in the 4d, again you at your core, not thoughts- thoughts just reflect the state too) then you're good!! no, seriously, that's it. you've fulfilled the wish- and as long as you just keep it like that, it will have no choice but to express itself in the 3d. it. will. have. no. choice. you did it, you're good. let yourself just be good.

you don't try to get something you already have- when you don't feel as though you need to "get" it or "chase" it, you have it. does that make sense? if having something in the 3d, means you have it in the 4d, then by following that logic and adding in ☁️"as above, so below, as within, so without" ☁️ as the framework, we can easily reverse the equation. 4d first- 3d follows. You won't be fulfilled because you have that thing- you have that thing because you've fulfilled the state of having it and/or you let go of the state of lack. Drop the lack from the desire, and what do you have? the desire! badda bing badda boom ( *it's a worldwide when i step in the room* )

[sneepity-snoop-snorpity-sneep]

I apparently come across as the same age as my younger coworkers, possibly because I am holding the vestiges of my whimsy in a deathgrip and also because they are experiencing the highs and lows of marriage and I'm not (seriously, I once had a conversation with an old lady at an urgent care where she was talking about her kids, stopped mid-conversation and went "you don't have any, i can see it in your eyes" TTvTT). If i were a cartoon I might be failing the above person's character design test

a lot of people do NOT 'look like adults'. Hell, in my experience a lot of folks look about the same if they're between 16 and 25 depending on the person and the only real way to find out where they fall on that range is to straight-up ask them

on one hand, yes, fiction and character design in cartoons specifically is meant to convey information about the characters to the audience quickly and easily - that doesn't mean shorthand like this is a good idea

visually conveying important information about your characters to your viewers is one thing, catering to the members of the audience who become viscerally uncomfy with characters not fitting in the exact boxes they think characters (and usually real people) should fit in is another thing ENTIRELY. People are gonna surprise you and do backflips around your expectations in real life just by being themselves sometimes, and frankly fiction gets better when this part of the human experience is included (at least i think it does)

like this whole complaint could've just stopped at "I don't like it when writers/designers sexualize characters whose role in the story doesn't have anything to do with their sexuality or lack thereof" and most folks would agree - like anybody from the clone wars fandom remember what they decided to have ahsoka wear for the first couple of seasons for no real reason? but that doesn't actually have any bearing on the character themself, again, see young ahsoka running around doing jedi commander stuff and having character arcs that her clothes are coincidental for at best (girl was literally in a war zone with not only no protective clothing, but not clothing at all covering at least three vital organs hhhhhhhhh)

and also, since this seems to be about hazbin hotel, I'd like to point out that there's probably some overlap OOP is seeing between 'character is being sexualized by the writers and/or fans' and 'character is in a story that includes adult themes about sexuality, lust, etc, and is shown to visibly have a sex drive/sex life/sexual experience', as many adults do.

But i still don't really see this as a bug over a feature, i mean....yeah hazbin hotel writes adults whose lives include sex-related stuff in a very different way than other adult shows which include sexuality (gonna use arcane and castlevania here, because i just recently re-watched both), but they're also all very different kinds of stories.

hazbin hotel, while not being quite the same kind of show like say family guy or south park, where you might find over-the-top sex/profanity based comedy, is the kind of adult animation that decided to have sex be a more relevant part of the setting and sometimes plot. Characters make sexual references, innuendos, jokes, etc, all the time even when there isn't any actual sex going on, while the other two shows I mention simply have sex being A Thing Adults Do Sometimes and there isn't (usually, with a particular exception *cough cough Lenore + Hector*) anything majorly plot-relevant about it.

but as far as your audience goes, that's really a difference in preference than a sign of good/bad writing or character design. Like i'm definitely more of a fan of the latter style of including sexuality in stories about adults. The hazbin hotel take on writing adults and sex isn't my cup of tea, but neither is it a deal breaker for adult media in general for me. This may be because I am Not Going To Pay Attention To Whatever Nonsense The Horny Fans Are Doing Now. i'm just not.

like a lot of the above complains seem to be rooted in how members of the audience will see the character, which is really not the greatest way to judge a work of fiction. Inevitably, at least some fans will draw porn of any character regardless of canonical age or if the story they're from actually has any kind of sexual content or not (doesn't Disney have an official vault of porn of characters from a bunch of their kids movies/shows? yeah) and if that's an issue for you you may not be curating your own online experience as much as you should. Gotta learn to think 'Do i actually want to see/engage with this or will it just make me unhappy' before u actually look at something. I regret to inform u i dont know any way outside of experiencing the consequences of NOT doing that to learn when I should. I'm talking about the moment when i see a unfamiliar word online ending in 'philia' and i take a moment to notice my curiosity before pondering if i really care to look it up

in conclusion, trying to box actual adult's appearance/behavior into boxes on who should and shouldn't be allowed to have a visible sexuality is just kinda reminiscent on the aspects of western shame culture that presume you can stop people behaving badly by making the potential targets of that behavior act so as not to encourage it.

Understandable gut motivation. Poorly thought out reaction

Alright.

At First I Was Going To Make A Joke About How Stupid This Thing Is, But Now That I’m Thinking About It This Is Just More Gross, Infuriating, And Sexist Than It Is Stupid And Funny.

Adult Are Adults.

Fictional Adult Are Fictional Adults.

I Don’t Care What Height They Are, If They Have Curves Or Not, If Their Personality Is Childish Or Adultish, Or If They Look Like A Child Or A Adult.

They Are Adults No Matter What.

Also “ProShippers Take Her And Run”… Can You Just… Not Do Or Say Anything Ever Again?

Either That Or Change Your Ways?

[tetsunabouquet]

Why Isha is the Most Misunderstood Character from Arcane S2: My Headcanons

A/N: After doing Sevika, I really just wanted to write this in defense of my little sweetheart, because the hate train against her is just dumb and occasionally downright ableist in how some people talk about her being mute. As a HF autistic woman, that shit just disgusts me so here I go!

-First of all, let's adress the hate towards Isha for 'magically fixing' Jinx. It's far less magical then you think. Ever heard of inner child work? Jinx might not have been working the classic techniques, as Isha acted as a proxy for Powder instead. That scene of Jinx just drifting off mentally as she does Isha's hair, talking about how she didn't do that with Vi? It very much gives off the vibe that Jinx would have liked to do the occasional girly things wih Vi as a child and that her inner Powder finally feels heard in that moment. They had been together for months at that point, so I doubt that was the sole moment Isha allowed Jinx to work through her problems by Isha being a proxy for her past self. -Secondly, let me adress the common criticism that she has no goal or whatsoever and is just there to idolize Jinx. You should all take some media literacy classes. She's very clearly set up as a mirror to a young Powder AND Vi, so why can't you see the obvious parallels?! Jinx has become like Vander, a symbol for the undercity and their fight against oppression but she doesn't wants to fight anymore. Isha isn't pushing Jinx into a hero role because she's a fangirl. But because she HAS a goal. Like Powder and Vi, she genuinely wants Zaun to be liberated and is trying to encourage Jinx to get back in the game just like Vi tried to do with Vander! Whilst the circumstances leading up to that were different, Isha even gets imprisoned for trying to make a stand for the undercity just like Vi did. I don't want to be hateful like you guys but seriously, do you Isha haters really need dialogue THAT badly to point out the obvious? -Isha's lack of voice also refers to her lack of family. Whilst she could be mute because of disability, there is also the possibility of her never having learnt how to properly speak as an orphan, as well as the possibility she became mute through trauma. As a mirror, it's highly likely Isha's parents were also brutally murdered. With 2 of the 3 explanations pointing into the direction of her being mute due to being an orphan, it's statistically likelier for this to be the actual reason. -Which adds an additional layer of tragedy to her character. Because going mute through trauma as well as being mute due to being a 'feral' child, can be dealt with! People tend to get over traumatic mutism and whilst feral children missed some important milestones, Isha could still be taught to speak basic sentences with the right help. This seems to be highlighted with how Isha learns to stand up for herself and be more assertive. She's crawling out of her shell and just when you could catch a glimmer of who she could become, she dies. With Sevika now being in charge as part of the Council, the aid Isha would need to regain her speech are now available to the children of Zaun. It's heartbreaking to think about the future Isha could have had if she had just survived the attack on Viktor's camp. -With how desperate Isha was to have a family- just look at how quickly she attached to Jinx and jumped at the chance to also be with Vander and Vi, it's clear the girl was dreaming of a home. Which brings me to her intentions to her sacrificing herself. If she was that desperate and traumatized, then it very likely could be that Isha rather wants to die then lose her family all over again. The fact her song ends with according to translations, 'for this is good enough for me', seems to imply that these months of having a family was what she dreamt of for so long and she can go in peace thanks to Jinx showing her love in the cruel world of the undercity.

[scribblue]

"Expectations" A Naturaldisaster* Fic

[*Poly ship with Jay, Cole, Geo, and Nya.]

Jay struggles with self-identity and relationships after losing his memories in the merge, and some familiar faces have been trying to help him through it... but it's an unfamiliar one that finally gets through to him. 3,437 words | Rated T, some suggestive themes/references | Angst and Comfort

Read below, or on ao3!

✧《✩》✧

The boy in the photograph almost looked like him.

Closely cropped hair modeled the same ginger hue as his current mop of curls, and a youthful face bore traces of freckles not yet matured under the sun. The boy was hemmed in on both sides by faces Jay only partly recognized– younger versions of the people that claimed to know him before the Merge. Cole stood on his right, Nya his left, squeezing in tight with arms threaded through his elbows. Their bright smiles and casual displays of affection almost made all those outlandish stories about his past feel plausible. Almost.

The longer he stared at the photograph, the deeper his unease grew. It was like peering into an alternate timeline, or some washed-up magician's crystal ball; everything felt frustratingly familiar and terribly wrong at the same time, like a word lingering at the tip of his tongue and never finding its way past his lips. Here was a moment in time preserved in a frame, yet all of his memories were nothing but static. This memory didn't belong to him anymore. He couldn't be sure it ever did.

"You and Cole were real close."

The gravelled voice jolted him out of his thoughts. Jay turned towards it, mildly relieved to see the one person that didn't claim a long, complicated history with him. Geo lingered in the threshold to the bedroom, leaning against the doorframe. 

Jay frowned. "So I've heard."

Geo countered his frown with a soft smile. He shut the door quietly behind him, though there was little need for privacy; Cole was watching the little gremlins with Bonzle over at the Monastery, allowing Jay and Geo an evening alone at the junkyard. Not that Jay would have objected to Cole's involvement, of course, except perhaps in this very conversation. "He told me a lot about you," Geo said. "About the two of you. You and Nya, too."

Jay rolled his eyes and gave an irritated huff, making sure to amp up the theatrics. "Oh, great. And here I was thinking I'd finally met someone who doesn't have all these expectations of me." 

"Expectations?"

"Everyone thinks they know me better than I know me, but they don't," Jay said, letting the bitterness drip from each word like Venomari spit. "They all try to tell me how I felt, what I liked, and how I acted, as if it makes any difference now." He set the picture frame down on the dresser with a pointed clank, his gaze still fixed on it. His old self smiled back naively. "That version of me doesn't exist anymore."

He hadn't realized Geo moved closer until he felt a hand on his upper arm, gently refocusing his attention to a faint, saddened smile. "But he did exist once, didn't he?" 

Something twinged in his chest, a pang of everything he'd tried so hard to suppress; he put on a good show of not caring about his supposed past, but here he was longing for his companion's words to be true. Heat rose to his cheeks and yearning flared into annoyance, brightening Jay's red eyes in a flash. He jerked his arm away. "I don't know! How should I know? I have no memories of anything before the Merge."

"I know," Geo said gently. He gestured to the photograph with a nod of his head. "But they do. Cole and Nya knew you intimately– whether you believe that or not, that's their truth. It's natural they want to share that with you, Jay. Even if things are different now."

Jay crossed his arms and turned away, taking a few steps towards the bed. It was neatly made in anticipation for his arrival, a third pillow living between the usual two. He glared at it with practiced indifference. "I'm not the person they all think I am."

"Maybe...maybe not. But you are someone they want to know, aren't you?" 

"Only because they think I'm their ex."

Geo crossed the space between them with light-footed steps, as though approaching too quickly would scare him away like a bird rustled from the bushes. He placed a hand on his back and leaned forward to catch a glimpse of his face, which Jay angled away to avoid his probing eyes. "You're not my ex."

"No," Jay admitted. "I'm not." That much was undeniably true. With the other two, he at least felt a nagging ache of familiarity somewhere at the back of his fuzzy mind, and had visual proof to back up their claims of previous relationships. Geo, however, was a blank slate. A different kind of mystery to unravel, with a whole different set of complications. Jay finally met his gaze, and the adoration– or perhaps infatuation– he found there was as enabling as it was overwhelming. "...I'm just something new to tinker on, aren't I? A broken man to fuse back together?"

Geo's elven ears drooped. The adoring look morphed into that of a kicked puppy, and for a moment Jay almost regretted his words, though only briefly; sick satisfaction was quick to lock its jaws around his neck. As much as Geo seemed to enjoy “fixing” him, these days Jay got his kicks by ruining everyone he touched. 

“Of course not, Jay,” Geo said. He sounded so sincere. Maybe he even was. “What would ever give you that idea?”

Jay snorted. “Please. That’s like…your whole thing, isn’t it? Turning trash into 'treasure'?” He reached over to the nightstand, picking up a mini sculpture welded together with Geo’s fusion powers. It was a figure, seemingly of Cole, frozen in a heroic pose and sculpted of scrap materials. Bits of metal, bottle caps, rusty gears and coils. He waved it at Geo with a sneering smile before tossing it at him underhand. Geo scrambled to catch it. “I’m just your newest project.”

“You are not– and be careful with that, that was an anniversary present.” Geo fussed over the figure, ensuring all of the repurposed trash was in the proper place. When he seemed satisfied, he carefully set it back on its place of honor.

“See? You care more about your things than you do me. Why do you even still make stuff with that junk? You said you could live anywhere now, you could be out there making…literally anything else, with literally anything else. Why a junkyard?" Despite a judgemental tone, his curiosity was genuine– Jay couldn't imagine why anyone would willingly live in a place like this, much less rummage through other people's trash to use as materials. 

“...I like it," Geo said, his voice so quiet Jay nearly couldn’t hear it. He averted his gaze and began worrying the tassled hem of his vest. “This place was my home when I never had one of my own, and… I don’t know. I like giving lost things a purpose. Even if I’m not lost myself anymore.”

Giving lost things a purpose. The words struck a chord somewhere inside Jay, like the ringing of the gong he still felt resonate through his bones. He pushed the feeling deep down into the yawning pit in his stomach. “Oh yeah? What’s my purpose, then, oh great Purpose-Giver?”

Geo halted his nervous fidgeting. Slowly, he raised his gaze to study Jay's face, feathered brows knitting together over probing eyes. "Your purpose?"

"Since you're the expert."

His lips pursed into a taut line, broken only by his two protruding lower teeth. “Well...what do you want your purpose to be?”

Oh great, the cryptic wise-man routine. Jay groaned, throwing his head back in exaggerated exasperation. “Nevermind. I’m sorry I asked.”

“Jay, you know I can’t answer that for you. That’s something you have to discover for yourself.” 

Though delicately spoken, his words hit like bricks. He wasn’t wrong, and Jay knew that. He hated that he knew that. He’d been struggling to establish a new purpose since leaving the Administration, since being abandoned by his master, Ras; so far, he’d come no closer to achieving that. “Yeah. Sure. Whatever.”

Geo stepped closer, extending a hesitant hand to clasp one of Jay’s. Jay stared down at it blankly. “You aren’t alone," Geo said. "If there’s any way I can help you on that journey, I, and surely Cole and Nya, would happily—”

Jay gripped Geo's hand like a vice and yanked him close. Their chests collided, and the sudden motion elicited a yelp from Geo, quickly stifled into an insistent kiss. At first he didn't return it, but slowly his lips softened to accommodate Jay's; not quite the same level of energy, but Jay had no issues picking up the slack. This was his element...at least, it was lately. An electricity unlike any he wielded in a fight. His free hand grappled at Geo’s waist, attempting to pull him even closer as though fusion could merge their bodies into one. 

He nipped at Geo’s lips, eliciting small noises in response but otherwise minimal reciprocation. Jay let go of his hand and took him by both hips, blindly maneuvering him towards the bed until he felt Geo’s calves bump against the frame. Geo pulled away from the kiss and gasped for the air he'd been passionately deprived of. “Jay…”

Jay kicked an ankle out from under Geo and allowed the two of them to fall onto the mattress, to another surprised yelp from Geo. Jay landed on top of him and wasted no time to dive back into a kiss, propping himself up with one arm and grabbing at Geo’s cropped shirt with the other. Everything in Jay's head had melted away, leaving only this. Only the moment they shared. Nothing else mattered.

Nothing else mattered.

Nothing else mattered.

Geo broke the kiss once more by turning his face away from Jay's mouth, which began to travel along Geo’s jawline and neck instead. Roving fingers teased the hem of Geo's shirt, before being abruptly grabbed and held tight. “Jay,” Geo repeated, more forcefully this time. “Can you just— hold on a second?”

Hold on? Jay pushed himself upright to the best of his ability, just enough that he could get a good look at Geo’s face; his cheeks were flushed a dark reddish-purple, but rather than the usual blissful or flustered expression, he carried a troubled air that gave Jay additional pause. “...What?”

“Jay…I…this is…” Geo fumbled his words, seeming unable to land on any. He rubbed Jay’s fingers absently with his own. “I…I don’t know if I’m in the mood…for this…right now.”

Jay felt himself deflate under the crushing weight of returning reality. “What? Why? What do you mean?” he said, unable to keep the panic out of his voice.

“I just– it's nothing you did, and it's not that I don't enjoy it, but… maybe we could just...talk, tonight?"

Jay’s pulse quickened. A litany of unsavory thoughts spiraled in his brain, a tornado of self-loathing that had long since been percolating, just waiting for an excuse to gain momentum. He’d made Geo uncomfortable. How? This was supposed to be the fix. The smooth-over, the nonverbal apology for every passive-aggressive comment that spilled from his mouth that night. How had he managed to mess this up too? “Talk? That’s— no, I’m not good at talking. Please, I’m not— this is the only thing I’m good at,” he said, the words spilling from his mouth before he could stop them. “Please, Geo, this is the only thing I’m good at. Don’t take that away from me, I—” He caught himself mid-sentence, realization sinking in at Geo’s increasingly concerned expression. “...No. I’m sorry. It’s fine, actually. I don’t even care. That’s fine. No worries, I’ll just— I’m gonna go, then.”

He started to push himself to his feet, and Geo hurried to grasp his arms, pulling him back. “Jay,” Geo said, voice as firm as his grip. “Stay. It’s alright, you don’t have to leave.”

 “Yes I do. I can’t do all this…this…talking. All these emotions. I told you, I’m not good at it. I’m not good at it like you, I don’t— all I do is make people feel bad.”

“You’re not trying to.”

"Sometimes I am. Sometimes I enjoy it, too. I’m really, really good at making people feel bad, Geo. But this…this is the one time where I feel like I can make people feel good, and…” His chest tightened along with his throat, and his eyes stung with tears that threatened to form. He heaved a dry sob, like a breath caught in reverse. “If I’m not good at that, what am I? Just some asshole with amnesia? Geo, I don’t know who the fuck I am. I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t—” The floodgates burst, sending rivers of electrified tears streaming down his cheeks in a trail of static shocks. His shoulders shuddered as another sob overtook him. “I don’t know who I am.”

“Hey, hey now, it’s alright.” Geo reached up to swipe at Jay’s tears, jumping slightly at the static that crackled on his thumb. He shook it off, wholly undeterred. “Come on. Come here.” He shuffled himself further onto the bed and laid down on the pillows, beckoning Jay to join him with wide, open arms. 

Jay sniffled, staring at him for a long moment before he finally gave in— what more did he have to lose? His dignity was already long gone. He crawled over to him and flopped into Geo’s arms, head landing on his chest. Geo completed the gesture by wrapping his arms tightly around Jay’s upper body in turn. 

As soon he sunk into the embrace, the sobs increased in intensity, and the tears poured onto Geo’s shirt. Geo only held him tighter, a granted permission that Jay had never even given himself: to cry freely.

Neither of them spoke. Jay wouldn’t even think of attempting it in that state, lest he be reduced to even more of a blubbering mess; he’d admitted plenty already, and Geo didn’t seem to mind the lack of conversation. He merely hummed a comforting tune under his breath and rubbed gentle circles into Jay’s back. It was a strange sensation, to be cared for. Jay wasn’t sure he knew what to do with it. He didn’t understand how Geo offered it so easily, like it was second nature to him. But the embrace felt…nice, Jay supposed. 

He had no idea if he’d ever cried like this before. It certainly felt like a first. Had the old him sobbed on Nya or Cole’s chest? Did he cry over every little thing, or had it only happened when he reached a breaking point? Did he feel as ashamed of his tears then as he did now? Jay had no answers for any of those questions, and wasn’t sure if he truthfully wanted them. All he knew was that, be it a first or not, he was sobbing in Geo’s arms. And in some odd, twisted way, it felt good. 

He wasn’t sure how long he cried. It ebbed and flowed like a wave, building up to a crescendo just to crash and settle once more. Eventually, though, his tear ducts began to dry up, and the tightness in his chest began to ease. Geo wordlessly stretched an arm over to the nightstand to grab a tissue, which Jay gratefully accepted— he felt like he was drowning in his own facial fluids, and was eager to regain some composure. Geo just laid there, observing while Jay aggressively wiped his face, blew his nose, and tossed the balled-up tissue onto the floor. Jay let his head fall back on Geo’s chest. His neck felt weak. And Geo was warm. “Don’t tell Cole or Nya about this,” he mumbled.

“About what? You littering tissues on my floor?” Geo said, earning a slight amused huff.

“You know what I mean.”

“Yeah. I won’t. But having emotions isn’t a crime, you know. I don’t think either of them would judge you for it.”

“They should. It’s gross. I hate it. Don’t tell them.”

Geo chuckled softly, the heave of his chest shaking Jay’s head. “I won’t, I won’t.” 

“Good.” He considered leaving it at that, but a dreaded seed of guilt began nagging at the back of his tired mind. He curled his arm around Geo’s torso and sniffed. “...Thanks.”

Geo craned his neck to place a gentle kiss on the top of his head, amidst his fluffy curls. Barely did it graze his scalp, but he felt it resonate down to his very core. “Any time.”

They laid there in silence for longer than Jay could keep track of, despite his attempts to keep time by the ticking wall clock and the beating of Geo’s heart. It thump-thumped a steady rhythm, as dependable as its carrier. Slowly, the internal lullaby lured him into a deep, inescapable slumber.

✧《✩》✧

Cole

Despite having their own room in the Monastery, neither Spitz nor Fritz would be deterred from sleeping in their ‘own beds’ that night. Cole certainly couldn’t deny them that, even though he was well aware they’d be sleeping in his arms before they even arrived—and they were. Or, at least Spitz was. Fritz was determined to walk regardless of his barely open eyes, guided like a sleepwalker by Cole’s hand. 

He didn’t blame the two of them for wanting to come back. While the monastery was like a home to him, the first to take him in after striking out on his own, the Finder’s residence was his home. His, Geo’s, Bonzle’s, Spitz and Fritz’s. Maybe it was once made from necessity, a lack of freedom…but it became a choice to stay. And it was a choice he was happy to keep making.

The house was quiet and dark when they walked in. Curious, he had expected at least a couple lights, or to hear some muted conversation. Everything felt so…still. Cole shifted Spitz on his hip. “Bonzle, can you take the kids to their room? I gotta check on the love birds.”

“Can do,” Bonzle said, reaching out to take Spitz from Cole with a soft grunt of effort. Cole transferred Fritz’s hand to hers and the three adoptive siblings made their way to the younger one’s bedroom. 

Cole smiled after them, and then turned his attention to the closed door across the hall. He approached cautiously and gave a small knock. “Jay, Geo? I’m home.” Without a response, he tried the doorknob—unlocked—and opened the door as quietly as he could muster.

It was dark in the bedroom, too. As Cole peered in, a strip of soft blue light illuminated the pair sleeping on the bed above the blankets, still fully clothed. Jay was laying somewhat on top of Geo, with his head resting on his chest and one of Geo’s arms draped loosely across his back. It was as heartwarming a sight as it was surprising to see Jay cuddled up on Geo the way he used to cuddle up on Cole. The way he denied ever doing before.

Geo peeked open an eye as the light hit him, sleepy confusion giving way to a smile when he noticed his partner standing in the doorway. He beckoned for him, and Cole was quick to comply, leaning down to give Geo a peck on the lips before gingerly climbing into bed. He moved slow and deliberately so as not to wake sleeping beauty, managing to position himself in a spooning position against Jay’s back with his head on the pillow next to Geo. He stacked his arm on top of the one that currently cradled Jay, enveloping him in a dual hug. 

Jay shifted and let out a muffled groan, and Cole froze, unsure if Jay would appreciate or allow the intrusion. It wasn’t long before he got his answer by way of Jay’s hand fumbling into theirs, weakly grasping at their wrists and pulling them tighter around his body. He stretched his legs, shimmied his shoulders, and let out a long, drawn-out sigh—content, or perhaps resigned— before settling back into sleep between the two of them.

Tension released from Cole’s shoulders, and he sighed happily in turn. Whether or not Jay would acknowledge this night ever again, much less allow it to be more than a fluke, Cole would appreciate every moment while he had it, this glimpse of his old jay resurfacing.

I know you’re in there, Jay, was the last thought that crossed Cole’s mind as rest began to claim him. And we’re right here.

[centrally-unplanned]

In news from a different world, last December J-pop idol Miho Nakayama passed away, quite shockingly so at the age of 54. I have no connection to her music or acting, but of course I do appreciate her role in the very early history of video game development and dating sims via the 1987 Famicom game Nakayama Miho no Tokimeki High School, which I have discussed before. I decided to play the game "in memoriam", as it were - it does in fact have an English patch, and you can see a playthrough of said patch on YouTube here. It was time to experience my very own 80's high school idol love story <3.

To the surprise of no one, this game sucks. It essentially had to, no real fault on the developers, but that doesn't change the facts. It is working with incredibly limited graphical capabilities of course, with the average scene looking like this:

Which just isn’t enough for “ambiance” immersion to work, every setting is generic by definition. That can of course be saved by a good plot or gameplay, but neither shows up here; there is barely any story to speak of. Main Guy goes to new school, meets “Mizuho”, realizes she is secretly pop idol Miho trying to live a normal life, they start dating, and paparazzi-types and the pressures of her career get in the way such that eventually (based on your route progression) she breaks up with you or you stay a couple and ride off into the sunset together. Literally by the way, a friend loans you a motorcycle so you can escape the press:

You might be saying “surely you are skipping some things” but I assure you it is nothing important. Neither Miho nor the main character have any personality to speak of, and your time is filled generally by comedic hijinks or just the mechanics of progressing the relationship. There is a fat-faced friend who gossips about school, you have a family that ~exists, there is a stuck-up rich girl you speak to about twice before she kidnaps you in order to serve you drugged food so you will date her (as was typical for 1980’s courtship norms) which happens solely to make you late for a date with Miho to create drama, and so on - it is all as tiresome as it is irrelevant. You can even poke your head into the girl’s locker room at some point, the crown jewel of filler content:

This isn’t even arcade-cabinet-strip-mahjong levels of hot, I know video games of the era could do better than this! Though for all the extraneous plot beats and side characters, I did like “The Trio”, a group of cackling girls who follow you around like a Greek chorus taunting you for your desires:

In another game these fey spirits would devour your organs at the right moment, mad respect. 

Anyway, all of this plot filler is used to stretch out the non-story but in that task it gets a helping hand from the game mechanics, which are a classic example of arbitrary progression gatekeeping. Half the dialogue options are just variants of the same core emotion, and the right answer is inscrutable. You get moments like this one, where Miho is apologizing to you for a misunderstanding:

And all of these answers are pretty dismissive? But the right answer is A, the meanest of them! Guess she has a type, but since you as a player haven’t negotiated her safe words yet you don’t know that and are just gonna facecheck your way through these.

As the cherry on top the advertised “facial expression” system is actually a letdown - it is very rarely used, most dialogue options don’t ask for it, and when they do you have six options:

But you actually never use half of these, and 90% of the time the correct answer is “normal”. At least this was bad in a “too easy” way, so it doesn’t waste your time, but you could just remove it as a mechanic and miss nothing. All of the “interactive” elements could be replaced by linear narrative, actually, and nothing would be lost.

Besides the competitive media mix aspects of the game, obviously. Which is what it is all about, right? This ain’t some random 8-bit idol, this is Miho Nakayama! And even in-game she is pretty cute, I do like the design for the close-up convos:

The glasses-for-disguise are nice with her moe eyes, the details of the shading really pop in an 8-bit context, and really the whole framework of the UI as this sort of flip picture book is adding value here (as opposed to being irrelevant in the location shots). They even give her a bunch of different outfits on your dates because as the heroine she deserves it:

“Ash, those first two are literally just palette swaps” “No man, look, the red one is using dithering to create a fade effect on the colors, implying a more complicated pattern like plaid thatching, while the blue one uses bold lines to imply a striped coat”. It was impressive in 1987, alright! This girl has no textual personality but there is life in this design that stands out from its peers.

But of course it isn’t the in-game graphics doing the heavy lifting here. As mentioned before, this was a “Telephone Game”, where players would be prompted at times to call phone numbers Nintendo had rented out to hear voicemails Nakayama had recorded. These voicemails are, to the best I can tell, lost to us - I have not found an existing recording online. They were only up briefly actually, for a few months after the game was released - this was not an era where longevity for games was considered important. We do have transcripts of them though, and I can imagine that picking up your house phone, calling a phone number, and getting the actual voice of the “character” in the game talking to you - making your heart go doki doki if you will - must have been pretty cool.

(Miho even travels throughout the game, and the phone numbers - according to this blogger - actually use location-appropriate area codes so it feels like you are really calling Osaka or Hokkaido! Very cool…unless - according to another blogger - you got hit with long distance calling charges for your pursuit of troubled love, as was reported in the media at the time. Now that’s authenticity?)

This mechanic is essentially a ludomantic experience that is impossible to capture today, because voice acting in video games is incredibly common; so much so that it would come off as gimmicky to make someone go through such a multi-device process. But since the Famicom couldn’t make vocal sounds, it had to make you use your phone, which created the simulacrum of actually calling a real human outside of the game to talk to. That is pretty neat!

As mentioned, the media mix came bundled with a competition - the winners were the first 16,000 players to submit a “Best Ending” record via the barely-used Famicom Disk Fax system. As helpfully explained in the instruction manual alongside photos of the IRL Nakayama:

And the big prize of a VHS tape of behind-the-scenes Nakayama stuff has been preserved, and is easily available if you want to watch it. Don’t though, it isn’t worth it; it is primarily b-roll footage of her doing typical day-to-day tasks and softball interview questions about “what is her type” with generic answers, stuff like that. Solid C- for the genre. But still, you didn’t know that when competing, right? The pressure to get your game file in was fierce.

I mentioned how the game essentially “had to be bad” at the start, and I want to dig into why that is. In my initial post I linked, I actually made a false statement - I said the development time for the game was “2 weeks”. I said that because the game’s Wikipedia page in English says it and so it is common trivia on the net, but I don’t think that it is true. Even when I typed it in that original post, the back of my mind was going “wait, that can’t be literally true, it is very hard to make a game that fast in that era - these guys are coding in Assembly!”, but I sort of hand-waived it away as, oh something like they were harvesting an existing game prototype or somesuch. But I believe this fact comes from a mistranslation of interviews like this one:

岩田: 坂口さんは『ファイナルファンタジー』の開発を終えて、『トキメキハイスクール』に合流されたんですか？ 坂口: ええ。チームの何名かが合流して、３カ月間くらいでしょうか。で、最後は１０名くらいのメンバーといっしょに京都にやって来て、２週間くらいカンヅメになって、なんとか開発を終えることができたんです。

Or:

Iwata: Sakaguchi, did you join the "Tokimeki High School" project after finishing development on "Final Fantasy"? Sakaguchi: Yes, that’s right. Several team members joined the project for about 3 months, I think. And then near the end of development, about 10 of us came down to Kyoto and we holed up for around 2 weeks until we somehow managed to finish the game.

So what is going on here is the game’s development was a joint production between Nintendo - in Kyoto at this time - and up-and-coming game company Square in Tokyo. And yes, they were literally working on Final Fantasy right before this game, and switched gears to tackle this new project. Or at least some of them did, for 3 months, and then famed-director-of-Final-Fantasy Sakaguchi came down to Kyoto and lived out of a hotel for two weeks doing crunch to finish it off. That fact, probably because Sakaguchi is the famous person reporters would care about, got transformed into the idea that the whole game took 2 weeks to make. 

In this same interview they talk about how, at the end of that crunch, they all went out for drinks to celebrate…until they got a phone call about how the motorcycle in the ending credits is glitching out and flying off the screen, which they thought was a hilarious, beautifully fitting bug for their time together. And that is hilarious, the primary reason I am recounting it, but I also think it goes to show that this was a hot mess of a game dev process. 2 weeks or ~3 months, both of those are not enough time. And with two companies in different cities, doing crunch out of a hotel, wrangling with a record label for a pop idol’s permission, setting up phone line recordings and VHS tapes and a bonus competition using experimental fax machines, all aligned with a media blitz? All for a game genre that honestly hadn’t been done before? I have checked, and you can authentically argue this is the first ever dating sim, at least on a console. People overstate what it is inventing - it is pulling tropes from romance anime and manga, of course - but even that process of transference is tough. This wasn’t a genre yet, and in a way they weren’t even trying to make a dating sim. They were trying to make an event.

One that today you just can’t experience. Very few people care about Nakayama Miho “like that” anymore, we aren’t seeing the commercials or the magazine ads or buying the discount unofficial strategy guide that invented a fake protagonist and never used Miho’s name because they didn’t have the rights. Today you play the game just because it is a game, and when you hit the phone numbers you tab over to a transcript of the voicemails…or maybe don’t even bother. The game was just a vessel for the hype. That doesn’t make the game good, by the way, I don’t want to go that far. The game was a not-very-good vessel for the hype, and an anachronistically better team could have made a better game. It isn’t really worth playing, in the end. But it is worth researching! As an event, it is really cool. As a piece of history, it is probably unique. And I respect the team behind it for that.

[ididntseeurbag]

water fight

pairing: jay x idol!fem!reader

genre: fluff, friends to lovers (?)

warnings: mentions of food, kissing, playing with water

in which reader and jay cook together, but get a little sidetracked

a/n: hi! i hope you enjoy this jay imagine i wrote a while ago :) i love writing domestic things and will probably do more in the future with him or other idols <3 also can you tell i love writing about idol!reader lmaoo

the meat aisle inside the convenience store was quite cold, and y/n trembled slightly at the low temperature as she looked for some meat cuts for the dinner she and jay were making back at the boys’ dorms to celebrate their anniversary as a group alongside y/n’s group. as their members rested, the two got in charge of choosing and making the food, since they were their groups’ respective chefs. most times, the members would’ve completely starved for hours hadn’t it been for their cooking skills.

as y/n finally chose the cuts, she looked at jay, who was picking some fish cakes from a self. “we’re making kimchi and potato pancakes too, right?” she asked.

“yeah,” jay answered, nodding towards her as he scanned the different flours in search of one to make the pancake mix. “i'll go get the ingredients for that and you search for tteokbokki.”

“okay, meet you at the register when you’re done,” y/n told him, and they both parted ways.

soon, they reunited. jay noticed y/n had a bit too much than he thought they needed, so he called her out. “y/n, that’s more than just ingredients,” jay observed, giving her a pointed look.

“i got a bit sidetracked,” the girl chuckled. “i saw snacks that the members liked and i had to get them,” being the leader came with being very observant, and y/n had mentally kept notes on her members’ favourite snacks, so she thought she’d surprise them with the food.

jay looked confused at her words. “but i’m paying?”

“exactly.”

the boy only sighed at her determined expression, but paid for everything nonetheless, being physically unable to say no to her. after putting everything in the bags, they quickly went back to the house to start preparing.

as she entered enhypen’s home, y/n struggled to keep the groceries in her hand as she tried to take off her jacket and shoes. upon noticing, jay quickly took her bags and placed them on the floor before standing in front of her and taking of her thick scarf slowly, smiling at her reddened cheeks because of the cold. “cute,” he mumbled under his breath, but quickly played it cool and avoided her gaze as he set the scarf on one of the coat racks and grabbed one of the bags with the food, walking to the kitchen and avoiding jungwon’s gaze that had seen the whole scene. jay knew he’d get teased eventually, but he tried to stall it for as long as possible.

“here,” y/n said, tossing different snacks to her girls as she passed by the living room, knowing the boys would end up stealing some.

“thanks!” georgie, one of the members, smiled. “did jay pay?”

“of course,” the leader smirked proudly. “also, we’re making kimchi and potato pancakes and tteokbokki along with the meat, is that alright?”

the chorus of “yes” y/n got brought a grin to her face. both her and jay didn’t consult the others before buying the ingredients, but they knew well enough that most of them were craving the plates they were going to prepare.

the two designated cooks started taking the food out of the bags and neatly placed the stuff they needed on the kitchen counter. even as they did simple things like preparing the ingredients and utensils, jay and y/n always worked together well in the kitchen. they helped each other when needed and also gave each other enough space to do their own individual tasks. they had an unspoken language that only they seemed to understand, and it never failed to amaze their members.

after all the things they needed were spread out, the pair shared a look and nodded at the same time, knowing what they had to do next.

“guys!” jay called out. “come get everything to set the table while we start cooking!”

following jay’s command, everyone went to the kitchen quite quickly, so the table was set fast, and they all went back to their activities, meaning the cooks were left alone in the kitchen once more.

as usual, y/n turned on her speaker and put her cooking playlist on (yes, she made a cooking playlist out of the songs that both her and jay liked). most of the time they were silent or singing along to the songs (either softly or at the top of their lungs, there was no in between), but sometimes they engaged in some small conversation about random stuff that happened or that they saw in the company, creating a comfortable and careless atmosphere. y/n loved cooking with jay for that reason, since he never pressured her into conversation or made her feel any sort of pressure. they just shared a space and sort of existed together as they expressed their care for their members through their actions.

although they usually made it look like they hated cooking for so many people, the pair actually loved it, for it one of their main love languages was doing acts of service through making food for their closest friends. they also enjoyed spending time in the kitchen, since it relaxed them and took their thoughts away for a while, the only worry being if the others would like the food (which they always did, much to y/n and jay’s content). even if it had been really hard work for the two on a few occasions, it was still worth it when they saw everyone’s happy faces as they tried the food. plus, they both took any opportunity to hang out together without anyone else in the room, but they wouldn’t admit that out loud just yet.

while they waited for the tteokbokki sauce to reduce a bit, they made the pancakes so they stayed warm until they took all the food to the table. they swiftly cooked them all and stacked them in two plates, their hands slightly greasy from the oil they used.

“let’s wash our hands and then plate the tteokbokki,” suggested y/n.

“good thinking,” the boy agreed. “we don’t want the pan to slip out as we lift it.”

somehow, they both thought it was a great idea to wash their hands at the same time in the kitchen sink, so they had to be really close to each other, their arms touching in order to fit the four hands in the small space. y/n laughed both at the silliness of it all and at the fact that she was in very close quarters with the boy she had ended developing feelings for. it wasn’t intentional at all from her side, they started as great friends and, suddenly, one day, after a few moments where she doubted her stance towards jay, she realised she didn’t want to just be her friend anymore. still, she remained silent about it, not really knowing how to break the news yet.

noticing the sudden proximity, jay took it as an opportunity to playfully annoy the girl. he first put his hands on top of hers, not letting her wash the soap off since he was blocking the water from falling. rolling her eyes, she put her hands over his and finished washing them. unsatisfied with the prior strategy’s results, jay then decided to grab some water, shaping his hands like a bowl, and splashing her face.

“park jongseong!” y/n gasped, the top of her hair fully soaked. “oh, you’re going to regret doing this,” as soon as she said that, she copied the boy’s actions and chased him around the kitchen island until she managed to corner him and poured the water over him, making his hair wet as well. “now we’re even,” she laughed at the sight of his hair drooped down because of the water’s weight. even then, he looked handsome, and y/n’s heart skipped a beat upon seeing him like that.

“everything okay?!” jungwon asked from the living room, since some of them heard a bit of a commotion.

the cooks laughed, taking in their messy appearances, water dropping down their heads into their faces and clothes. “yes!” y/n shouted back, directing her gaze to the door so jungwon could hear her well. “everything’s,” she turned to jay once again, who was looking at her intently. “…fine,” she murmured, fully aware of his gaze. his hooded eyes bore into hers, then moved around to look at her facial features wordlessly. the silence was making y/n anxious, since she didn’t really know what to take from the situation, but still she remained there, in front of him, caged by his presence alone.

the boy still said nothing, choosing to lift his hand instead and bringing it close to the girl’s face. she slightly flinched at first, more as a reflex than anything else, since she knew he wouldn’t harm her in any way, although his next actions did shock her. he slowly moved his hand to fix the wet hair that stuck to her forehead, sweetly tucking one of the strands behind her ear.

y/n’s insides churned at the action, thousands of butterflies swarming around relentlessly, even as she tried to stop them, but to no avail. his actions flustered her, and jay seemed to notice that, for he softly smiled at her, the right corner of his mouth lifting slightly higher than the left as he let out a quiet chuckle, the sound of it being muffled by the music still playing out of the girl’s speaker.

suddenly, something got over jay and it made him want to act without a second thought. seeing that y/n didn’t look particularly uncomfortable but more so startled, even with the position they were in, he proceeded. he started closing the little space that was left between them, and y/n’s eyes widened slightly.

“what are you doing?” she whispered, only loud enough for him to hear.

jay looked at her lips, then back at her eyes. “i’m going to kiss you now,” he stated matter-of-factly as he moved his hand toward the back of her neck. “can i?” he searched for her consent and, upon seeing her nod slightly, he proceeded, meeting his lips with hers. he kissed her gently, afraid that she would crumble under him, and y/n almost did, had it not been for jay’s free hand resting comfortably on her waist and keeping her up.

y/n wasn’t really thinking as she kissed the boy back, enjoying the way his hands rested on her body, so gently and radiating such warmth that she felt she’d still feel their weight even after he would let her go. his fingers traced random patterns on the little skin that showed from the crop top she was wearing. she then lifted one hand to his chest, and moved the other to his hair, softly tugging at it from time to time, making the boy kiss her with a bit more force when she did so.

at some point, he ended up grabbing her hips with both hands and lifting her up onto the kitchen counter, letting her legs wrap around his waist as he kept kissing her, moving from her mouth to her cheeks and neck before going back up to her lips. jay knew that, after having had a taste of her, he’d be going back again and again, no matter the consequences. she was addicting, and he was fully willing to get entirely consumed by her. no other thing could make him feel like she did during that moment and every other second he spent with her. he was completely entranced by her being, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

masterlist

[mllemaenad]

See – this is what I missed from Veilguard. Most of Dragon Age is in a constant conversation about power and leadership. If this is your first playthrough, you won't know any of this is important yet. But the main point of Ostagar, beyond setting up the tragedy, is to give you an opportunity to meet all the major players. Because eventually, you're going to have to solve Ferelden's political crisis.

You can see that Cailan's bonhomie is likely genuine – but it's also a political tactic. His father, Maric, also knew how to bond with his subjects. And a tendency to run back into danger to rescue imperilled footsoldiers, while not perhaps tactically sound, was a solid way to win the love of the people who supported him during the rebellion.

But Cailan is is clearly not taking the darkspawn threat seriously. It doesn't necessarily matter if it's a "true" Blight or not: evidence suggests quite a lot of darkspawn are coming their way, and they need to take steps to deal with that. He's not necessarily stupid, but he has no real head for these kinds of tactics.

Loghain is established as the tactician. Everyone knows he's the brains of this outfit. Thing is, he'll tell you himself he thinks this situation is already well and truly out of control: "Pray that our king proves amenable to wisdom, if you're the praying sort".

It's not even that Loghain is rude, or more remote than Cailan; honestly he's incredibly polite, given that Seanna just summoned him from his tent because she wanted to see what this guy looked like. But Loghain will do what he deems tactically sound. He'll do it even if it means getting people killed who do not deserve to die.

And Alistair, there – well, at least as far as this goes, he's an excellent mix of both. He's clearly got Cailan's good humour (and once you know they share a father, that tracks), but he's also very clearly a thinker. There's plenty he doesn't know about the Grey Wardens because he's new, but he has absolutely done the reading. And he's sceptical where something smells like bullshit, and well aware of the political machinations going on around him.

The problem of Alistair is that if you suggest that he use those talents in order to be in charge of something, he will stick his head in the sand and yell I CAN'T HEAR YOU until you give up and go away.

Anora, of course, needs to wait a bit to make her case ... but we'll get there.

You can absorb all the things these people say and do, so when the moment comes, you can make the choices you believe are right for Ferelden.

And look, yes, I'm still mad about this:

I'm partly mad because, while I recognise that I would have got to participate in this decision if we'd saved Minrathous, that makes no bloody sense.

While I'll be the first to admit I'm not Inquisition's biggest fan either, I will give them this: when they say you can only choose to go to the mages or the templars, it is because you are taking sides in a conflict between those two groups. You can't reasonably rock up to both and say "Hey, want to be allies?" Moreover, it's not simply a matter of losing content from the choice. You get different content as a result of that choice. Samson or Calpernia, depending on where you went.

Minrathous/Treviso is specifically not a choice. You send teams to both. Immediately. Both cities are under threat and you divide the team to deal with it. The game simply makes it so the team containing Rook is successful, and the other team isn't. Absolutely nothing of note happened there.

And, despite some initial griping, we are still definitely working with Ashur and his Shadow Dragons. That relationship still exists. There really isn't any good reason to not have a quest here, except to artificially force re-playability without producing new content.

But honestly ... it's not even that. I'd probably have picked Dorian anyway, so it's not like I'm sour at not getting what I want. It's that ... this is probably the most politically significant decision in the entire game, and that screenshot above is the first I heard of it.

There's a solid argument to be made that, if the south is as badly off as the Inquisitor says, Tevinter is once again the major world power. The capital took a bit of a beating in the endgame, sure, but that was brief and explicitly solved at the end. The rest of Tevinter seems ... pretty much fine? They're no longer at war with Par Vollen, because Par Vollen doesn't have an army anymore. Orlais seems to be down for the count.

Now, there are other potential contenders (Nevarra seems to have weathered the crisis pretty well, and some of the Free Marches still seem to be standing ...), but Veilguard won't talk about politics unless you put a gun to its head, so who knows.

Tevinter is the big political player up for grabs ... its leadership could mould the next age ... but it doesn't come up. Regardless of who makes the decision, it should matter!

If I've got to the end of a Dragon Age game, and I don't know who is running the country I'm currently standing in ... something has gone very wrong.

[scoobydoodean]

also brett matthews was Crazy for not only implying assault can turn you gay but then writing dean hurting his stepson after being turned into a vampire (gay) like. brett matthews your homophobia is unmatched

like yeah the fans who insist the monsters represent gay people have a point but it's literally this singular episode and it's done in a way that is so deeply homophobic it's crazy

sorry if that last ask was too much but it drives me insane whenever people ignore the insane amount of homophobia in twi-hard.

Okay so here's the thing. I'm not a particular fan of the tone of Brett Matthews episodes. I don't mind exploring non-consensual themes but I think he has a very odd fixation on them. At least in "Live Free Or Twi-Hard", this serves a purpose to the larger storyline surrounding soulless Sam and what he's willing to do, as well as the alpha monsters and how the alpha vampire is building an army. It even gives us some insight into Samuel's moral framework and his perception of Sam and Dean. It also unburies memories of some of Dean’s past experiences being used as bait by his family (or using sex to get them information). In "Caged Heat", Matthews repeated references to non-consensual sexual acts just feel like edgy set dressing for the most part.

The thing is that I also don't think Brett Matthews means to imply anywhere in "Live Free Or Twi-Hard" that being assaulted makes you gay or that Dean's gayness then harms Ben/the family. I think I understand how one can build that reading out of the episode, but I do not ultimately accept that reading. I also don't think monstrosity or vampirism is inherently queer. I do not accept that premise. Monstrosity in general or vampirism in particular certainly can represent queerness, and vampirism has been used as a metaphor for queerness in media many times, but vampirism doesn't inherently represent queerness. If it did, then almost every piece of media about vampires ever made would arguably be sowing the same uncomfortable homophobic narratives because vampirism has been connected with sexual assault from Dracula onward, and vampires in stories are almost always people who were turned against their will at some point in their life or have turned others.

I do not think any kind of monster in Supernatural has to and always represents queerness anymore than I think Sam having powers/feeling lonely makes his storyline inherently queer (which I don't). I understand that there are at least a couple of metas connecting Dean's experience in this episode to queerness not just because it involves vampires but because it also leads to Lisa and Dean's breakup and because Boris also clearly has a sexual interest in Dean, but while I respect these interpretations (as well as the choice to read vampirism as a metaphor for queerness in the episode) I don't personally find these metas that alluring (at least what I have seen of them). This has partly to do with (1) me having a VERY different take on Dean and Lisa than most of spnblr (I don’t dismiss their relationship as “comphet” for example) and (2) having a different take on Dean's relationship to his sexuality up to this point in the series than a lot of people, but it also has to do with (3) me disliking how this reading of 6.05 leads to uncomfortable linkages between queerness and rape that do not spark joy for me and that I do not think deserve to be treated as a forgone conclusion.

Some of the things I have read before from fans regarding this episode feel a little too close to saying "Dean was attacked by a bisexual man who wanted to fuck him and that means Dean is queer" which I do not find logical and which I think aligns with some pretty harmful ideologies, and if fans choose to believe that Matthews intentionally connects the story with those ideologies (either because he himself believes them or thinks Dean does) that's their prerogative, but I don't think it means when other fans reject that reading or fail to absorb it, that they're ignoring some kind of interpretive forgone conclusion about the "meaning" of the episode or what Dean being turned must represent. This is all media analysis. It is ultimately subjective. There are different takes and perspectives here. I don't think there's an inherently right and correct reading and I do not believe this is the only reading of the episode, and while I'm happy to see people play in the sandbox writing whatever metas they'd like about it, and I think one can build up a lot of support as desired, and there's certainly commentary one can make about this episode being homophobic/biphobic regardless, I don't personally think what Brett Matthews wanted me to get out of this is that being assaulted makes you gay and ruins families.

I do think this episode has a lot to say about Dean's relationship to his body and how it has been objectified and used because he has been treated as a weapon or a tool for almost his entire life, and how Dean has internalized that. I do think this episode has a lot to say about internalizing blame as a victim of a variety of non-consensual experiences—the fear that the things that have been done to you throughout your life have "sullied" you and made you a danger who needs to be put down/who will harm the people you love. This episode has a lot to say about Dean's overactive sense of responsibility and guilt, his tendency to internalize blame for things he can't control, and his failure to see that he was a victim in many MANY situations where he was absolutely victimized. From my perspective, vampirism in this episode serves as a metaphor for all of Dean's trauma (from hell, from being raised as a hunter and never having any other choices, from all the people he's lost, from a variety of non-consensual experiences, etc) and how he internalizes the effects of that trauma on himself psychologically as something that has turned him into a monster who cannot grasp happiness or safety and instead will ruin everyone else's if he tries. It is devastatingly tragic and painful to watch. This is also why I happen to be very uncomfortable with a lot of deanlisa takes that criticize Lisa for (in usually nicer words but nontheless) allowing a filthy animal like Dean into her home and how she should have known he was disgusting damaged goods.

[utilitycaster]

Been burning through the third campaign of NADDPOD recently off of your recommendation and it's been incredible. Though it has made me think of what exactly makes its callbacks and references to the previous campaign work so well compared to C3. As you pointed out in your post about the podcast, they share more than a few similarities. I'd guess that the lighter tone overall helps quite a bit, though the Irondeep Saga and Hardwon's return to the adventuring life is genuinely very effective!

To me, most if not all of C3's returning characters and callbacks were self-aggrandizing and distracting. The initial return to Whitestone for Laudna especially.

I have not finished NADDPOD's C3 yet so maybe I'll be proven wrong, but I was just wondering if you had any insight on why it just, works better than its counterpart? Also, big fan of the blog! Your meta post have kept me sane during the various errands that Bells Hells half heartedly accomplish.

So I do want to note my issue with Whitestone and Laudna's resurrection isn't so much seeing Percy and Vex and Pike and Keyleth; it's much more that having that available so early cut off some notable opportunities in Marquet. Going to Jiana would have probably made the Delilah issue much more of a factor (since I doubt anyone she'd have known would have been a L20 cleric familiar with Delilah), would have done interesting things for Ashton's story, and would have kept the party on the continent and in the city, possibly spending more time with Eshteross and maybe even giving them an additional chance to encounter Otohan in person. In retrospect this could have fixed like five different things. I actually found that the previous character callbacks were one of the strongest elements and increasingly I also feel the original NPCs of C3, Otohan and Ozo aside, while few and far between, would have been great if Bells Hells like, cared about them and spent time with them.

I think the more important part is that Murph is not trying to wrap up an overarching plot across multiple campaigns; he's simply telling, well, the campaign after the campaign. He was pretty clear about that in the initial discussions for NADDPod C3 - it's heavily influenced by the decisions in the initial Bahumia campaign but like, the plot isn't to end the astral plane god-battles that set off; it's to save Bahumia from Mothership (and those two factions evolve to have other implications, but the core conflict is introduced early and remains as is). Now, I also think that having a smaller party that is generally absolutely fearless when it comes to decision-making is an important part and they deserve credit (just as, while I think Matt's errors were most significant for C3's issues, the cast's waffling and fear of picking the wrong choice is a factor - even a "wrong" choice would have been better in most cases), but a lot of it is that it's a pretty standard D&D style plot executed well. (This would be another really long post but I really do think D&D can handle a range of plots and genres, but it's still a limited range of plots and genres, and if you try to subvert it, as people increasingly try to do, it will not reward you for cleverness but rather backfire. I don't think C3 tries to subvert D&D nor do I think D&D is the problem here; also just to stave off dumb comments, Pathfinder has the same exact limitations and Daggerheart likely will have very similar ones - this is about a combat-skills-forward fantasy game with level progression in general of which D&D is the most prominent but by no means only example. However since I just answered about Neverafter, while that's not the question, I think Murph has a particularly good understanding of what D&D can do.)

I think it's a few things but I think one reason Murph has such a track record is first, he identifies pretty strongly as a comedy writer, though he's also obviously a performer; secondly, he is as far as I can tell cautious and surly and he came to TTRPGs as an adult; and thirdly, two major influences he has that others tend not to cite are gaming and wrestling, and I really think this is important.

I think as a writer, he tends to have a good sense of narrative and where things have to go. That doesn't mean there aren't unexpected turns, but I think he does a good job of planning for contingencies and having a confident hand in turning the story back. And again, I think having a 3-person party makes it easier to get back on the rails (or to build a new track very quickly) but I think he, to quote a truly stupid but not entirely wrong self-help quote, begins with the end in mind.

The cautiousness and surliness are in my opinion the secret to NADDPod. Look. Niceness is, well, nice, though Brennan has a great bit that I watched recently and have since forgotten the source of about how kindness and niceness are two separate concepts. I think Murph is really willing to tell his players "No" and I think it is always to his benefit. I think making your players explain what they want to do, or being willing to turn your player's riffing into something that might not be their intention (Sol and Albie and the whole reveal that the Academy made everyone feel like a hero while essentially churning out manufactured duos stands out to me) is important. I don't want to say every home game should have this because it shouldn't - if you are playing at home casually and just want to make your friends feel like the coolest people ever, you don't have to do this! But if you are an actual play show you should be telling a story, and to tell a good story you do have to kill a few darlings and make a few edits, and Murph is willing to do that and Matt is sometimes too generous for his own good to the detriment of story (and, imo, I think it's ultimately less rewarding for the players in the long run much of the time too!)

And thirdly, games and wrestling. Now I am obviously no expert in games, but from a complete beginner's perspective, something that keeps striking me is how many people become affronted when the side quests (or, more accurately, ignoring the side quests) impact the main quest in significant ways, even though it's simply good writing to have side quests that enhance your understanding of the main quest and make you stronger or better able to approach it because of your experiences. This is in fact one of the biggest reasons why C3 is so weak, and one of the reasons why I think NADDPod is consistently strong. And then as for wrestling: I am even less of an expert here, but wrestling requires clear storytelling and especially clear motivations, (hard to be subtle in that medium) and story told primarily through combat that better have a great conclusion. It's also, notably, a remarkably unpretentious thing to be into, even though it's popular with a lot of nerds (Danielle Radford is the guest from last week; Ify's a wrestling fan as well). As a result, I think Murph isn't afraid to be blunt and unsubtle in service of actually making something good and entertaining and cohesive, instead of trying to say something deep and failing. Because nothing crashes to the ground and burns than trying to say something deep and failing. I mean I love pretentiousness, but I know when to drop it, and I think NADDPod on the whole does too.

[mytardisisparked]

The World Will End

Scully thinks about kissing Mulder at different points in their partnership.

Read on AO3

She wants to kiss him.

The thought strikes her one day as they’re quietly discussing a case. Their heads are close together so they can keep their shared thoughts from the prying ears of the local LEOs trying to listen in, and her eyes wander down to his lips. They’re not all that far from hers. It would be so easy…

Something internal pulls Scully back from those thoughts like a bucket of cold water. She looks back up at his eyes, feeling her cheeks color against her will. Thankfully, he’s studying one of the pictures between them and hasn’t seemed to notice.

Why the hell does she suddenly want to kiss him?

Sure, he’s attractive; Scully has eyes that function. She’s noticed Mulder’s soft, hooded gaze and brilliant smile and nice jawline. She’s also noticed the way he calls her “Scully” or “Agent Scully” or “Doctor Scully” instead of defaulting to “Dana” like some of her other male colleagues. She’s noticed the way he defers to her while questioning witnesses. She’s noticed the way he’s quick to remind other law enforcement that she’s a medical doctor and, therefore, extremely qualified and deserving of professional respect. 

She’s also noticed the way he runs headfirst into danger if it has anything at all to do with his sister. She’s noticed the way he allows the darkness to swallow him sometimes. He’s reckless with his life. He’s dangerous, in a way. 

And, yet, she still wants to kiss him. 

He smiles at her, flipping to a new crime scene photograph as he continues to talk about soil samples and local legends. She smiles back, despite herself. Her chest feels warm and fuzzy and–

No.

No, she can’t do this. 

There is a line here, in the proverbial sand between them that, if crossed, will almost certainly end in destruction. Workplace romances never end well, in her experience, and the FBI likely won’t allow them to keep working together. She will be looked down upon even further by her male counterparts. Mulder will be mocked for more than just being a little “spooky.” 

Nothing good will come of it.

And, the truth is, she likes what they have now. It’s not easy or comfortable, but it works. It works very well. Her world is steady on its axle, with Mulder, the X-Files, and her emotions orbiting it in careful synchronization. If one thing steps out of orbit, the whole system will crash and go careening off into space. They have a tentative friendship and mutual respect that she values deeply and would hurt to lose. They provide a push-and-pull set of perspectives to their work that gets good results. This is working.

And so, she does not kiss him, because then the world will end.

—

She wants to kiss him.

This thought is not new. In fact, she’s starting to tire of her own inner thoughts drifting in that direction. She’s thinking it more and more lately, likely because they have been getting closer. Something between them shifted after her abduction, and the resulting loyalty between them is somewhat astounding to her; she feels a strong pull to stay by Mulder’s side and, most of the time, she thinks he feels the same way. 

What they have is good. Very good. He’s the closest friend she thinks she’s ever had, even when he’s frustrating and single-minded and full of hare-brained ideas that are bound to get them both killed someday. 

Kissing him would change all of that. Their friendship is so new – so good – but there is a glass wall between them even still. Kissing him would shatter that glass, the shards would get stuck in their skin, and every action after that – every touch – would have the potential to hurt. 

She likes him too much to risk that. She likes what they have. She likes this partnership between opposites and the balance that has come with it. They make a good team.

If they kissed, the world would end.

And, so, she does not kiss him.

—

She wants to kiss him. 

He has kissed her plenty, on her hollowed cheeks and cold hands, but it is not enough. Not remotely. Her world is ending, drawing to a quiet close, and there are so many things she hasn’t done yet in her life that it makes her want to scream against the coming darkness with every last breath she has in her tired lungs. 

And, she figures, if the world is about to end anyway, then why not kiss him? It’s one of those things she hasn’t yet done and it’s easier to accomplish than winning a Nobel Prize in medicine or solving some famous cold-case. Kissing Mulder would be so, so easy. And she wants to so, so badly.

But his world is not ending. Long after she is gone, his will go on. Is the taste of her dying lips really the taste she wants to leave in his mouth? If they cross that line, will his world end with hers? Or will that memory be what pulls him away from the darkness after she is no longer there to do it herself?

Will it be enough to help him fight his demons? Or will it push him further into their grasp?

She doesn’t know, and the thoughts make her head ache more than it already does. So she does not kiss him. She settles for cheek and knuckle kisses and prays that it is enough. It has to be enough.

—

She wants to kiss him.

She plans to kiss him. 

She pays too much for wine and cheese at the motel’s front desk and takes it to his room. She flirts with him a bit and feels pleased when he seems to flirt back in his typically-Mulder-y way. She cracks open the wine and pours glasses and thinks about how it might taste on his lips. 

And then, in an instant, he is leaving on a wild goose chase. He’s got a goofy look on his face and the pit in her stomach can’t decipher if he picked up on her intentions and panicked, or if he’s really that oblivious. 

Or, perhaps, he’s rejecting her. The thought almost brings tears to her eyes as she tastes the too-cheery drink from the rim of the cold, hard glass. 

She thought that his cheek and hand kisses in the hospital might lead to something more now that she’s healing, but she realizes that his forwardness, his bravery, might have been fueled by the fact that he might never see her again; the emotional equivalent of a one-night-stand.

She shakes herself mentally, realizing how unfair that thought is to Mulder. He isn’t like that. Is he?

She stands alone in his empty hotel room, drinking both of their portions of wine and eating their cheese. Her heart squeezes as she realizes that, despite everything, the world will still end if they kissed, if they tried to become something other than what they currently are. 

And, at the realization that he has ditched her to go investigate on his own again, she wonders if the end of the world is already beginning. 

—

She wants to kiss him. Just, not like this. 

He’s standing in the hallway, but he might as well have been on his knees, for all the begging he has been doing. Their world has been slowly falling apart, their partnership fraying at the seams, but he still begs her to stay; he still tells her she’s his other half, that she’s saved him, that he needs her.

And now he’s leaning forward to kiss her. 

Is this a kiss he really wants? Or is this just another way of convincing her to stay? His prior words feel like the edge of a love confession, but the sting of Diana’s presence and all that has happened since she arrived rip through Scully and threaten to tear her heart in half. 

Does he mean it? Does he really mean this impending kiss?

Still, she lets him lean forward – unable to decide if she should meet him halfway or lean back and rethink everything she knows – until his lips brush hers and a sting, a physical one this time, pricks her neck. She ducks, feeling equal parts disappointed and appreciative towards the interruption. 

But then the floor begins to spin. Her chest constricts. She’s falling to the floor, and Mulder is running, sobbing, clutching her with gentle, desperate hands.

And slowly, dizzyingly, the world seems to end.

—

She wants to kiss him, despite everything.

Despite Diana. Despite his betrayal. Despite the last few, tense months. Despite his arrogance. Despite his lack of apology. 

Despite every last little thing , she’s standing there in the cool night air with his arms wrapped around her hitting baseballs, and she wants nothing more than to turn around and grab his stupid face and kiss him. She wants to kiss him into silence. She wants to kiss him into stillness. She wants to kiss him so he will stop touching her hip like that . 

She’s almost angry at herself. She’s still angry at him. The crack of the bat in her hand sends satisfying shockwaves up her arm as her muscles stretch and flex and strain to hit the ball harder, harder, harder into the night sky.

She giggles and she isn’t sure if it’s the result of elation or some other carefully restrained emotion squeaking out past her defenses. 

Damn it. Damn it all.

She hits ball after ball after ball because, at least, if she’s playing baseball she isn’t kissing him. The history and emotions between them are behind her, at her back. He’s warm and solid and steady there, and it’s easier to forget everything that has happened as shivers run down her spine.

She isn’t sure what will happen when the boy runs out of baseballs to load into the pitching machine. But she knows she will not kiss him. 

She can’t. 

She won’t.

Her heart is too fragile, too tender, too cracked. Letting herself give in after all the hurt and damage that has been done will break it. The world will end.

She hits another ball. And she does not kiss him.

—

She wants to kiss him, and she does. 

One millennium ends. Another begins. The ball drops and the fireworks flash on the tiny screen above them and Scully doesn’t give a single damn because she’s kissing Mulder. And he’s kissing her back.

It’s rather chaste, but she can feel the promise of something more beneath it. Or, at least, she thinks she can. They break away and Mulder gives her a smile that is somewhere between silly and shy and, with a shrug, says: “The world didn’t end.”

Her own smile falters because she catches his double meaning and isn’t sure how to process it along with her own history of thoughts and emotions. 

“No, it didn’t.”

Before she can fall into her own thoughts any further, Mulder is quietly wishing her a Happy New Year and putting an arm around her shoulders in a way that warms her all the way through. The hope she tasted in their kiss – their very first kiss – returns tenfold and she allows him, with a small smile on her face, to lead her out of the hospital to their shared vehicle.

When they finally reach her home, he presses a kiss to her cheek that feels entirely different than the kisses he left there during her battle with cancer. It’s still warm and full of affection, but it’s shyer, as though it’s asking a question. 

She answers the question and pulls him back down by his coat lapels for another proper kiss on the lips, this one a little longer and a little less chaste. 

He smiles after the kiss and wishes her a good night. A very good night. The best night ever. He stumbles away as they exchange goofy, silly grins and light giggles. 

As he drives away, Scully looks up at the stars and smiles. 

“The world didn’t end.”

—

She wants to kiss him and she does. Often.

She kisses him in the morning, when his eyes squint against the sun and his hair sticks up everywhere like dandelion fluff. She kisses him in the evening when they say goodnight and his lips taste like their shared pitcher of iced tea. She kisses him in the afternoons when he says something ridiculous and insane on their way to lunch at the diner down the road from their office. She kisses him often because she can. Because she wants to. Because he wants to.

Because the world does not end. Because it never will.

[sufferu]

Okay, so — there are a lot of things here that I fundamentally disagree with. Namely: BTZ is a very specific kind of story with a very specific set of thematic elements that are woven together, and within those elements Julimilia plays a couple of very specific roles both within the story and within the meta surrounding it, in a way that basically nothing else would be able to do.

1) The stated premise of BTZ (+ Knights if the Roundtable comparison)

BTZ is not actually about everyone suddenly becoming an idiot; it’s a commentary on common Re:Zero fanfiction tropes, a comedy of errors about just how badly a very specific situation can spiral out of control, and a what-if about Subaru getting booted from his role in the main storyline. Key themes include the dangers of the refusal to communicate (whether it be out of guilt or out of pride), the messiness of second chances, and where to go if all of your worst fears about yourself really do come true (which I’ll come back to later). These specific (and rather unconventional) themes are pretty important, here, because they mean that what I am intending to do with this story is very, VERY different from stories like the Arthurian mythos, “It’s A Wonderful Life,” or even the original canon Re:Zero story.

I never really got into the mythos about the Arthurian Knights, but I think it’s safe to say that what those stories are trying to accomplish is in a completely different ballpark than BTZ. Trying to map those characters onto the characters in BTZ isn’t really…fair, lol: they have different narrative contexts and are being positioned in service of particular goals both within the story and within the meta. Giving him Excalibur or the power to surpass Julius or whatever — that would make BTZ a different story entirely, with a different narrative, different themes, and different conclusions.

And speaking of Julius—

2) Julius being Subaru’s “traditionally manly superior” is actually the point

Julius IS faster, stronger, more handsome, more traditionally masculine than Subaru. Subaru isn’t wrong about that part. Sometimes people win the genetic lottery, that’s just a fact of life. What Subaru is wrong about is how much that fact actually matters, because he’s convinced himself that it matters a LOT — when as far as everyone else is concerned it’s almost completely irrelevant.

A really big part of what Subaru and Julius’ dynamic represents in this story is the following: even if all of your fears really DO come true, it is nowhere near the end of the world. To put it simply, Subaru is terrified that Julius is everything he will never be — and in a lot of ways, he’s right. He never beats Julius in a fight, he never surpasses Julius in terms of adherence to this image of traditional masculinity, and Emilia ends up in a relationship with Julius instead of in a relationship with Subaru.

But where he’s dead wrong is with how much any of that superficial bullshit actually matters. Sure, Julius is a more traditionally masculine man than he is, and is capable of feats that he will never be able to achieve on his own, and gets the girl instead of him. And yeah, it hurts, at least at first. But NONE of that crap reflects on how much Subaru is valued by other people, or on his worth as a person, or even on how much Emilia truly, genuinely loves him (even if it’s not quite in the same way he thought he wanted). All his more specific fears about being “inadequate” in comparison to Julius come true and yet here he is, and he’s not inferior, and nobody thinks he’s worthless, and he still gets a truly happy ending.

I tend to find this sort of conclusion a lot more emotionally satisfying than the usual “You have nothing to fear because your insecurities are simply wrong” conclusion that most stories come to, frankly. Because you know what? Sometimes you really DON’T get first place, and that’s FINE. I think it’s comforting to be told that it’s okay if you don’t achieve everything that you think you’re supposed to, and that everything will still turn out well for you even if all you can really do is the best that you can. Most stories have the main character actually succeed in becoming the best of the best, especially in anime, and I get it but — I think that this sort of conclusion can honestly be even more impactful, if done correctly.

(And without spoiling things: Subaru actually does surpass Julius in several areas, and everyone but Subaru knows it. He just doesn’t value these areas, and it is precisely BECAUSE they come so easily to him that he doesn’t recognize them as anything of any real worth. And that, too — more than almost anything else, arguably — is something that he needs to learn to overcome.)

The Julimilia subplot is largely an extension of this, because the idea of “getting the girl” in order to prove oneself as a man — and the idea of unrequited love marking you a failure — I HATE that cultural narrative.

3) In which Subaru does not get the girl

I’ve mentioned previously that the Julimilia subplot was largely fueled by me reacting to the BNHA Cuck Porn Frenzy, in which BNHA’s ending absolutely FLOODED my dash with angry Deku Cuck Porn for several weeks in response to him not explicitly ending up in a romantic relationship with Ochako. And the thing is, there were several underlying themes in that whole incident that I really, really hated: entitlement about how Deku “deserved” Ochako and how she was some sort of “gold digging bitch” for not chasing after him, this incredibly mean-spirited attitude about how Deku was apparently now this total washed-out loser, this idea about how all of his former classmates were suddenly superior to him to the point where they completely stopped wanting such a “useless nobody” around anymore (plus some serious classism about fast food workers being inherently less worthy of respect, too) — it was a lot.

And then pretty soon after that, there was that incident where a bunch of cuck fics all got posted in the Re:Zero space at the same time, and I saw a number of the same themes playing out there: Emilia being a selfish asshole who treated Subaru like dirt, the third party being this unquestioningly superior source of humiliation, Subaru being an inferior man who nobody would treat with respect… It was a lot. And look, I’m not gonna bash anyone who gets something out of that sort of thing, lol — but I found myself really put off by a lot of those very specific themes, and that got me thinking about WHY I felt so put off by it.

It wasn’t that I disliked the concept of the main love interest ending up with someone else: that basically never bothers me. So, I started thinking about what elements of these stories I was actually responding negatively towards, and then about how I, personally, would construct a similar scene: what elements I would keep, what I would get rid of, and what I might add in order to enhance the vibes that I thought could make such a prompt valuable (because there had to be SOMETHING: I wouldn’t be thinking about it so much if there wasn’t anything there, after all). And that got me thinking about a scenario where Emilia wasn’t treated like she was evil for liking someone else, where that third party genuinely respected and valued Subaru as an individual, and where Emilia still loved Subaru very, very much — even if it wasn’t romantic. And I…really liked that idea. And then I realized that it actually really, REALLY fit with the broader themes of BTZ, especially the themes about insecurities and second chances.

Julimilia also completely fits within the meta of the narrative. In BTZ I, it — to be completely honest, it’s probably the most obvious thing I could do in a fanfiction literally called “Natsuki Subaru’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (Or Week) (Or Month).” I don’t think there’s anything more on-brand for that title that I could write than a Julimilia endgame. It also completely fits with BTZ I and II being a commentary on “edgier” Re:Zero fics. A large part of that commentary is “What would need to happen for these characters to act in this very specific manner?” and adding a scenario like a Julimilia endgame only heightens that part of the narrative. To be frank, it gets to the point where not committing to the bit is nothing short of a missed opportunity, lol.

Finally, just coming back to this: there’s nothing wrong with being rejected. Yeah, it hurts, but it’s not the end of the world. Subaru gets his heart crushed, and he feels like shit for a while, but eventually he heals and he moves on and everything is okay again — BETTER than okay, because by the end of BTZ III he’s got both Julius and Emilia as these incredible friends who he deeply treasures from the bottom of his heart. This “Forever Alone” thing where your romantic feelings being unrequited means that you’re a total loser who will never truly be happy — that’s just not it. That sort of mentality reduces men to being dependent on romance for self-worth and it reduces women to trophies that need to be won, and I just never really liked it from either of those angles. The Julimilia subplot of BTZ is largely me expressing my discontent with that very mindset, even, in that Subaru really DOES see himself that way for the first part of the story and has to unlearn it in order to be truly happy.

—And if the way that got resolved was just him ending up with Emilia, then…I mean, what does that say about his worth? That he really is only worth something if he manages to get with the girl he likes? That he really can’t get a happy ending unless it’s with Emilia?

Anyway — those are my thoughts about the themes of BTZ, Julius’s role in BTZ, and why exactly I feel like a Julimilia endgame is such a good fit for the wider BTZ narrative.

i don't have the energy for a second essay, so I'll just cheat by using preexisting media. it was better in my head at work sorry.

the reason why you get complaints about Julimilia is that it is a betrayal of the stated premise of Back to Zero.

"Everyone finds out about Subaru's bs and crit fails everything."

vs what you are writing

"Everyone finds out about Subaru's bs, crit fails everything, and Emilia forms a romantic relationship with Julius in the background."

or to quote a writer about a space demon clown:

"Why does no one complain about the child gore in the story about kids facing a space demon, but always complains about the child orgy that I shoved in?"

I came across the term 'Bishonen' (Beautiful Boy) a while back as one of the beauty standards for Japanese teenage boys and young men, because they loved a 70s actor whose name I forgot.

*wikis it*

ah, so ancient asian asthetic instead of the glamrock era.

anyways, I firmly believe that Julius fits this mold. see the reverse harem members of classic shoujo manga and anime "Ouran Highschool Host Club"

this is half of the reason why Subaru is so annoyed at him in arc 3. because the literal beauty standard was given flesh.

secondly we have to go back a few centuries to a land of knights.

do the names of King Arthur, Queen Guinevere, and Lancelot mean anything to you?

i mean it's not a perfecting mapping, but the vibes are the same.

Subaru doesn't have the adventuring experience of being a knight prince. no caliburn (the actual Sword in the Stone/Sword of Selection), his merlin actively hates him to the point of trying to mold him into a living weapon.'

sure Rem is on his side (oh wait, this is Back to zero). sure Subaru can hel- oh wait they are putting him on the bottom of a massive cuddle pile.

it is true that Subaru and Emilia aren't married yet. however Julius can map to Lancelot excellently. being the superior model of subaru/.

Subaru being a spirit knight with the ability to only support one spirit vs julius six.

Subaru being unable to fight without his spirit (at this point in time) vs Julius being able to hold his own.

Subaru being uneducated in knightly manners vs Julius basically MAKING those standards.

Subaru being unable to protect others.

Subaru has no backup.

so, you've inadvertently made Subaru part of the Forever Alone club. not the sexist assholes that push everyone away,

I mean the people who just fall short of the very real competition that everyone and everything existing takes part in.

the mentally and physically disabled that can't work and can only subsist off the help and charity of others.

it's not the post to detail how Subaru can be argued to be disabled compared to everyone else.

...ugh I need more sleep because this feels incoherent. guess Im expanding the King Arthur, Guinevere, and Lancelot in the EssayTM. say what's that word count?

1986 and it's no where done. ughhhh why must I be the coherent/wordy one of my side of the debates?

…I believe that I fundamentally disagree with a lot of what you are saying, but I don’t really feel that I can say anything until you finish the point that you are trying to make, lol.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

There’s always been something that bothered me about whenever I try to explain the concept of Hatoful Boyfriend and most people’s immediate reaction is “oh! Like Doki Doki!”. My response is always just “…I guess?” because I could never quite explain why that felt wrong to me but I think I finally can put a finger on it now.

(To be clear, I’ve played and enjoyed both games. They’re both fun - this isn’t a criticism at all! I just think they’re, at their cores, two very different things. Also I don’t spoil anything for either game here beyond the obvious; that is, that these games are not what they seem to be at first glance, which I’m pretty sure most people know going in. If that amount of spoiler still bothers you, then stop reading here and play the games first!!!)

When people compare the two games, I 100% understand where they’re coming from. It’s the same gimmick I suppose: cutesy looking or joke visual novel actually turns out to be a smokescreen to hide the horrors within. But. Like. I feel like that’s where the similarities end.

See, DDLC’s whole point is to be shocking. It’s intended to make you jump and disturb you. It’s primarily a horror game with you, the player, as its focal point, and as a result the characters are only really there to be used by the story. The majority of the characters, with the exception of one, are pretty straightforward and lean heavily on the tropes commonly used in dating sims so the game can later distort them in increasingly horrific ways - with the intent of shocking and scaring you. The characters are more tools to be used to tell the story and create the experience than fully fleshed out people, which I think works out well thematically for DDLC. It’s effective in the sense where the characters aren’t really what draws you in, but rather the premise and the anticipation of getting a good scare out of it, with some existential stuff mixed in there for a pretty cool experience. You came to get scared right? Well that’s what you got.

But Hatoful is very different because its intent is not to shock or scare you necessarily. Hatoful, since its initial development, has been designed to make you care. Hato Moa made the game intending for people to start it because of its ridiculous concept, but then to discover it’s depth along the way. Hatoful doesn’t want to jump scare you. It wants to tell you a story. It delves into horror, that’s true, but the horror is much more psychological and it stems from the character’s actions. It’s a character driven story at its core, and it does this by taking itself seriously. It knows it’s completely absurd and leans into the absurdity, but the character interactions are real, so that when actual plot begins to happen, you’ll wonder when you started getting so attached. The characters twist typical dating sim tropes again, but this time to ask “hey why is this character like this? maybe it’s not so straightforward as you think”. And then the game goes a step further and reveals that there is an actual in-universe reason for its insane setup of “a human girl goes to bird school which is for birds and dates pigeons”. Hatoful is less tongue in cheek and more completely unabashed about it’s ridiculous premise and plays it straight - which in turn makes its serious moments shockingly genuine. That, to me, is why it works. The point is to delve into the characters. The plot is driven by the characters. It’s horrifying at times because the characters will sometimes make or be forced to make horrific choices. It’s not a gimmick. It’s a cohesive story. It’s just asking you to dig into it a little further to get there.

Tldr; DDLC is a cutesy facade and Hatoful is unabashedly absurd. DDLC wants to scare you and Hatoful wants you to care. DDLC uses its characters as tools for the experience while Hatoful’s whole point is the characters.

Editing based off a reblog that made me aware I was not completely fair with DDLC here (again, still trying not to spoil too much): The experience in DDLC is heavily based on its thematic content. When I say “the characters serve the experience” and “it wants to scare you” I don’t mean this shallowly, and I think it can and has been frequently misinterpreted in this way. In DDLC, the horror comes from the situation. In that sense, it’s thematically appropriate that the characters are tools in that way - that’s actually part of it and you are meant to feel bad for them - their situations, issues, and personalities are thematically relevant and sympathetic. I shouldn’t have juxtaposed “to scare you” and “to make you care”; that was far too simplistic a summary to the point where it is inaccurate. They both want you to care - a story only has power if you care about it. But I do still feel strongly that DDLC’s draw is the terrifying situation it impresses on the player, and the self-aware questions it asks (in which characters are put through the existential oppressive wringer to emphasize these themes), while Hatoful primarily relies on you slowly but surely acclimating to the absurdity so it can tell what is simultaneously an off the walls story that is also genuine and believable for the characters you’ve grown to know.

[bedlamsbard]

for love of god I wish I hadn't trained my brain into generating sequel ideas.