#but the ones were i cant
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#you know#ive had chronic headaches since i was little#and chronic migraines since i was 13/14#but sometimes it really hits me how much i hate them#like the pain has lonv since become nothing but an annoyance#but the fact that like not medication really truly helps#and what does is basically curling up in bed and hiding away until i can focus or think straight again#sometimes it feels like im missing out in so much and sometimes it feels like they are getting worse#like there are ones i can still function through still think staight enough to focus on life#but the ones were i cant#where i feel like my head is gonna explode#where my thoughts arent straight and i can barely move or i get dizzy#they seem to be getting more and more frequent.......#idk i just feel like having them makes me feel like i have to put my life on pause#except its not paused its just passing by me while im stuck unable to do anything#i also fully believe that scrubbing my brain w/those face wash brushes w/ those little nubs would feel divine and fix my issues#or a lobotomy#though that might be kinda a lobotomy#idk but this shit is tiring#anyway this was all brought on by a headache so bad my jaw and teeth hurt too#and turning almost migraine level for a bit#but made me miss out on spending time with my family#(and Sonic food bc i was nauseous 🥲 lol)#anyway sorry for rambling hope everyone else's Saturday is going better than mine
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Guys ive been reading peak
#dandadan#momo ayase#ayase momo#okarun#seiko ayase#ayase seiko#cant believe the actual plot of this show is “this guy's genitals were stolen and we have to get them back” 💀#theyre so funny i love these guys#its like if mob psycho and csm had a foolish baby#the stupids ever#dont get scared by that one scene in that first episode thats the worst it ever gets i heard the creator was forced to put it in or no manga#just like olan and that piss fight scene in final space sighhhhhhhh evil people in charge..............#okarun and ayase are so silly i love them sm they make me go YYYAAAAYYYYYY ^_^^^^^^^^^^#ignore the bad sizing for the letters my handwrutung is naturally horrible plus i was hella zoomed in shhhhhhhhhhh you see nothing........#LIVE LAUGH LOVE !!!!!!!! YAYYYYY !!!!!!!!!!!!
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Its past their bedtime
#danny phantom#my art#savant par#i love drawin an eepy sam#dannys ghost sense went off when they were picking the movie#it was just boxy tho#sam manson#tucker foley#phanart#fanart#this was based on a compilation of dumb comment threads#i cant find it but theres another one i wanted to draw too
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I've been a third all my life. Not saying that to fight, just saying that it's true. I feel like I get to pick one thing for myself, and it's her.
INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE | 2.06 + 2.07
#iwtv#interview with the vampire#iwtv amc#claudia#claudia iwtv#madeleine eparvier#claudeleine#iwtvedit#tvedit#iwtvsource#*#i cant find it but there was a post or tweet or something about how they wanted to humiliate claudia one last time#by giving madeleine this choice because they were expecting her to take it. but she chose her :( they chose each other
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goth siblings from drawpile too nite
#ONE MORE TIME#as per drawpile-art-usual i must apologize for the quality but i draw at like 500px on drawpile so it simply cant be helped#he is drinking cleaner:heart:#were coming up on these two on my rewatch with oomf. hehe#wtf... art#drawpileart#one piece fanart#zoro#roronoa zoro#perona#one piece perona
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Mizu, femininity, and fallen sparrows
In my last post about Mizu and Akemi, I feel like I came across as overly critical of Mizu given that Mizu is a woman who - in her own words - has to live as a man in order to go down the path of revenge.
If she is ever discovered to be female by the wrong person, she will not only be unable to complete her quest, but there's a good chance that she'll be arrested or killed.
So it makes complete sense for Mizu to distance herself as much as possible from any behavior that she feels like would make someone question her sex.
I felt so indignant toward Mizu on my first couple watchthroughs for this moment. Why couldn't Mizu bribe the woman and her child's way into the city too? If Mizu is presenting as a man, couldn't she claim to be the woman's escort?
However, this moment makes things pretty clear. Mizu knows all too well the plight of women in her society. She knows it so well that she cannot risk ever finding herself back in their position again. She helps in what little way she can - without drawing attention to herself.
Mizu is not a hero and she is not one to make of herself a martyr - she will not set herself on fire to keep others warm. There's room to argue that Mizu shouldn't prioritize her quest over people's lives, but given the collateral damage Mizu can live with in almost every episode of season 1, Mizu is simply not operating under that kind of morality at this point. ("You don't know what I've done to reach you," Mizu tells Fowler.)
And while I still feel like Mizu has an obvious and established blind spot when it comes to Akemi because of their differences in station, such that Mizu's judgment of Akemi and actions in episode 5 are the result of prejudice rather than the result of Mizu's caution, I also want to establish that Mizu is just as caged as Akemi is, despite her technically having more freedom while living as a man.
Mizu can hide her mixed race identity some of the time, and she can hide her sex almost all of the time, but being able to operate outside of her society's strict rules for women does not mean she cannot see their plight.
It does not mean she doesn't hurt for them.
Back to Mizu and collateral damage, remember that sparrow?
While Mizu is breaking into Boss Hamata's manse, she gets startled by a bird and kills it on reflex. She then cradles it in her hands - much more tenderly than we've seen Mizu treat almost anything up to this point in the season:
She then puts it in its nest, with its unhatched eggs. Almost like she's trying to make the death look natural. Or like an accident.
You see where I'm going with this.
When Mizu kills Kinuyo, Mizu lingers in the moment, holding the body tenderly:
And btw a lot of stuff about this show hit me hard, but this remains the biggest gut punch of them all for me, Mizu holding that poor girl's body close, GOD
When Mizu arranges the "scene of the crime," Kinuyo's body is delicate, birdlike. And Mizu is so shaken afterward that she gets sloppy. She's horrified at this kill to the point that she can't bring herself to take another innocent life - the boy who rats her out.
MIZU'S ONE MOMENT OF SOFTNESS AND MERCY, COMING ON THE HEELS OF HER NEEDING TO KILL A GIRL TO SPARE HER THE WORST FATE THAT THIS RIGID SOCIETY HAS TO OFFER WOMEN, AND TO SPARE A BROTHEL FULL OF INNOCENT WOMEN WHO ARE THE CASTOFFS OF SOCIETY, NEARLY RESULTS IN ALL OF THEIR DEATHS
No wonder Mizu is as stoic and cold as she is.
And no wonder Mizu has no patience for Akemi whatsoever right before the terrible reveal and the fight breaks out:
Speaking of Akemi - guess who else is compared to a bird!
The plumage is more colorful, a bit flashier. But a bird is a bird.
And, uh
Yeah.
I like to think that Mizu killing the sparrow is not only foreshadowing for what she must do to Kinuyo, but is also a representation of the choice she makes on Akemi's behalf. She decides to cage the bird because she believes the bird is "better off." Better off caged than... dead.
But because Mizu doesn't know Akemi or her situation, she of course doesn't realize that the bird is fated to die if it is caged and sent back home.
Mizu is clearly not happy, or pleased, or satisfied by allowing Akemi to be dragged back to her father:
But softness and mercy haven't gotten Mizu anywhere good, recently.
There is so much tragedy layered into Mizu's character, and it includes the things she has to witness and the choices she makes - or believes she has to make - involving women, when she herself can skirt around a lot of what her society throws at women. Although, I do believe that it comes at the cost of a part of Mizu's soul.
After all, I'm gonna be haunted for the rest of this show by Mizu's very first prayer in episode 1:
"LET" her die. Because as Ringo points out, she doesn't "know how" to die.
Kind of like another bird in this show:
#blue eye samurai#mizu#akemi#kinuyo#bes#women are birds okay they are BIRDS#the let me die line is so SCARY AND SAD like a part of Mizu wants death but she cant? she doesnt know how?? excuse you show???#when all these other delicate birds are dying all around her#akemis character gets more and more gutwrenching upon subsequent rewatches because whenever she says her life is in danger#NO ONE BELIEVES HER - certainly not other women#because shes rich and pampered and that means shes safe and is worrying about nothing right? right?????#and it turns out that all of akemis instincts were right and she was in danger the ENTIRE TIME#also I need to make a post just for kinuyo because I am sad
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#tweets#extremely relevant to my fandom#'WAH WAAAH WHY CANT BIRDRICK BE PLATONIC WAHH WAAHHH NOT EVERYTHING HAS TO BE GAY'#lmao 99% of protagonists end up in a straight relationship even if the characters have no chemistry#we can't have ONE same-gender relationship?#this happens in other fandoms too#I saw a wednesday/enid ship post on facebook and the comments were an endless spew of 'wah wah why can't they be FRIENDS'#who the fuck said they can't??#you just don't like it because it's a WLW ship
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house tour :)
bonus art, lossy versions of the first 2 gifs
#ask to tag#unreality#flash warning#art#gif#photomanipulation#ganbreeder#<- for the creatures in the first 2 gifs#horror#surrealism#liminal spaces#weirdcore#creatures#i ended up using the non-lossy versions bc they were better for the effect i wanted#+ i wanted the last one specifically to look like it was corrupting the camera kinda like radiation#but thought id still include the lossy versions cuz theyre neat#the third gif is based off a reoccuring thing from my dreams#some sort of bright white object usually a big orb or disk#that you cant look at directly bc its so bright. its like a welding arc#you can usually touch or move it#it doesnt turn red like that in the dream or glitch out the camera tho thats just for the spooky#well the glitchyness is more bc the non-lossy version compressed the gif badly#so i figured id just play into the compression effect and make it fit the mood better#honestly turned out much cooler. limitations in art etc etc
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some silly book 7 doodles that i looooved so much
#twisted wonderland#twst#ツイステ#ツイステッドワンダーランド#mmarts#twst spoilers#twst oc#twst yuu#twst grim#azul ashengrotto#jade leech#floyd leech#twst silver#ortho shroud#sebek zigvolt#theres more scenes that i really liked ww#but ughughu my powers ---- i cant draw them rn#oughu loved this update#also that scene with the firsties gettin laughed at NOOoonooo i loved that scene cause they were doin a lil dance#but their bubbles combined so oof#these are prolly out of order or not idk#also those are just some random mushroom designs lol but they were really carrying a large one... it might be bigger than that actually#gah might draw the kings roar scene!!! some other time... im really fillin up the tags wtf
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shows up a day early with a nobara birthday tribute
#my art#timelapse#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#nobara kugisaki#kugisaki nobara#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#anyway i was alr finished this by the time i actually thought 2 double check the date#come 2 find her birthday is tomorrow.......#oh well it's the 7th somewhere#i cant believe i still had more flowers in me after 3 days of being stuck in hydrangea purgatory#tho tbf roses were one of those things that i fixated on n would doodle over and over in notebook margins n such#so their petal shape n distribution is pretty muscle memory by now#roses eyes and a secret third thing im forgetting were my go-to doodle subjects#theyre just real swirly and bumpy in weird places and tht makes the shape so fun 2 push n play with#whereas hydrangeas r just . roundish pointy with hints of 4petals scattered amid a circle#anyway enough traumadumping abt hydrangeas this is Her Day >:(#also felt good 2 get back to drawing smth that Didnt take 3 days straight#oh WINGS that was the secret third thing i got really into trying 2 draw correct bird wings
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Wow lesbians
#splatoon#my art#pearl houzuki#marina ida#pearlina#splatoon 2#grand fest splatoon#cant stop thinking about the one cowboy pearlina fanfic somebody save me#dunno if ill finish any of these so u guys can have it#normally i would just post on twitter but since we were BANNED guess this will be my new twitter hi
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kirby characters as things my group of 1st graders have said while volunteering
consider this a part 2 of this from last year lol
#seven year olds have so much drama istg. they were very sweet tho#i cant believe its been a full year since the last one?? like damn theres a huge shift in art style#kirby series#veves ultra cool art#kirby#meta knight#king dedede#adeleine kirby#bandana waddle dee#magolor#taranza#dark meta knight#shadow kirby#waddle dee
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Thinking about the fact that Mabel and Dipper didn't know they had two great uncles.
Yeah they are 12 and at 12 I had a shotty understanding of my family tree- But really? Nobody brought up their great uncle? Stanley? Especially since they'll be staying with his twin brother, Stanford?
Shermie never went to Stan's fake funeral, which to me means the twos relationship was strained on some level. If Shermie is older that means his view of Stan was poisoned in some way, that even as kids they weren't close. If the Shermie is younger then he never even got to meet Stan and all he knew about him was how he failed his family. Hell, people probably barely mentioned Stanley TO Shermie.
The fact that Stan had become a black stain upon the Pines family name makes me so vividly upset. Stanley faked his death and the family just- seemingly decided to strike him from the record. To pretend he didn't existed to spare themselves the sadness and shame.
Stanford and Shermie Pines. The only children worth mentioning of Filbrick and Caryn Pines.
It was never Stanford that was lost to the world. It was Stanley, ever since he had to leave New Jersy- it was always him that had to be struck from the record. Change his name, change his state, change his affiliations, destroy the remains of ghost that was Stanley Pines. Kill him so the family doesn't bring him up, doesn't ask questions, stops asking "Stanford" about his twin.
I just keep thinking about the fact that since the day he made one single mistake all the way up until Ford walks out of that machine- Stanley Pines was killed and did not exist. And Stan himself had no one to blame, he had to play the part in his own demise- He is the only one who ever knew Stanley was alive and has been for decades.
He lives in the multitudes of every personality he's ever taken, all in the hope that he himself can stop being Stanley Pines.
#gravity falls#grunkle stan#stanley pines#STANLEYYYYYY#STANLEY THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME HATE YOU STANLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sharky rants#Just. Imagine the fucking shame you have to live with#the shame that you can never be yourself. That anything you were is unwanted and forgotten#The shame of just BEING- Of taking space of- of /breathing-/#Imagine the world; your friend; your family; your colleagues being so ashamed of having known you#that you feel more comfortable with a persona to present.#You feel more comfortable stealing the identity of someone you care for deeply if only to help#If only to feel capable for once. To feel like you belong- Like youre doing something good for once#Imagine the shame that brings you to be comfortable not being yourself for 40 years.#ALL CASE YOU BROKE ONE FUCKING PROJECT??????? COME ON#I mean- the deeprooted shame was started from earlier. He was 'the stupid twin“; 'the troublemaker”; “the cheat and thief”#This was a long time coming#But those werent MISTAKES- The one time he genuinely made a Mistake he lost everything#Like he really mattered so little to the people around him#and he cant really blame them.#My cousin is a genius. Hes smart and academically achieved since I was a baby.#The only thing I had that he didnt was my ability to draw. to be creative. The guy for the longest time had a better social life then me too#I used to get brought to tears seeing his accomplishments- seeing people praise him. The shame lived in me any time I had to see him#The shame that I was the black sheep of the family next to the golden standard for a son- for a student- for a friend.#when I was none of those things#And Im lucky he was my cousin- cause if he was my brother that would have haunted me EVERY DAY rather then once or twice a year#Im better with it now; Im more content with who I am- But trauma dump aside-#I very very very much understand Stans shame in being the stupid one. The unachieved one in a family full of achieved people#the shame thats angry at him for being better. at the family for treating him special. and most of all at yourself that you cant be better#its a visceral feeling that I sadly understand
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At what point do you start seeing one in the other?
At what point do you start looking at the devil like a friend?
#immortal au#dca au#dca fandom#dca community#doodles#sunshine draws#dca fnaf#dca moon#oc#immortal au art 🎨#realized the comics i had in the making were too sun centric so i doodles my boy moon to compensate#their relationship is a mess and im here for it#i like to think that it was at this point they started having an idealized vision of Moon#not as in 'he's perfect and can do no wrong' but they try SO hard to convince themselves that “moon would never do that” that it snowballs#and the perceptions they have of moon and virus moon are split to further apart from each other-#that they start seeing them as two different people altogether#theres moon. and there is virus. they cant be the same.#but its hard when you see one in the eyes of the other#the way they hold your face is the same
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I am not ok
#uuuuhhh spoilers for that one gravity falls fic i was talking about some time ago#im going insane#when i actually get invested with the reader's character???? its crazy#go off doc!!!! 🔥🔥🔥#also love how stan and ford were written i cant wait for possibly more of them in the next chapter#fanart fic#my art#the theraprist#traditional art
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thinking about sten again. thinking about him calling the warden kadan and never explaining what it means. thinking about him offering to take the warden back with him to par vollen, but it's never actually an option the warden takes, even if you agree. thinking about how sten responds the best to a warden who stands their ground even if he doesn't agree with them. thinking about how he loves sweets and art, and how he plays with kittens. "it's training," he says. but come on. he's playing. thinking about what else he's had to justify to himself for liking.
and he calls alistair kadan! shale as well! do you think it was ever extended to the other party members? just,, agh
#dao#dragon age#dragon age origins#sten#sten of the beresaad#clearly having a normal one#also leliana and sten is such an underrated friendship. i do think it'd be kind of difficult for them to get along at first m#(leliana being so devout and sten being so dedicated to the qun) but they get there#they were both in lothering together. i wonder if they talk about it sometimes#also the whole “the warden cant actually go to par vollen” thing makes me feel SICK with a mage warden. because its an offer that has no#good ending. it was an offer made where both parties already know that it cant happen but it is an offer made regardless#bioware you bastard let me romance sten#just once#cmonn
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