#but the in universe implications are Very Funny

[wackywatchdotcom]

falls to the ground. my favorite song is one that i looked at back in early march and went oh, this works well for ragatha... and im listening to it again and i DO still think it fits ragatha a lot. but it ALSO fits gangle. but i dont wanna put the same song on two character playlists from the same series, so im just gonna keep it on ragathas. either way it mainly fits manager gangle specifically but not the entirety of her. i think it fits ragatha more generally

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

What if Dumbledore WAS Sheev Palpatine?

The time I casually made the mistake of mentioning that Dumbledore is not Palpatine.

Well.

That's a terrifying question.

Caveat

Only watched the prequels, originals, sequels, Rogue One, Solo, and Tartakovsky's Clone Wars (2005) (and the beautiful Christmas Special, which may be the funniest of all). I have not seen The Clone Wars, any of the recent Disney shows, read any of the comics, read any of the books, or played any of the games.

I believe there's secret Sheev stories in the extended universe in places, all I know is that time he didn't die when they threw him into the vacuum of space and "wow, Anakin, failed at this too, huh, couldn't even kill Palpatine".

Point being, entirely possible there's things I just don't know about/things I'm wrong about. We're just going off what I've seen here.

The Thing About Sheev/What a Sheev Wants

What's Palpatine's deal?

I am far from the first to point this out, and it's explicitly canon, but what Palpatine seems to like best is being an evil emperor who sits in a chair.

His empire runs very meticulously, exactly the way he wants it, he methodically eliminates his greatest enemies and neuters political opposition from the non-Force users as best he can. He does this on the lowest level of society, your fucking sorirty is not safe from his surveillance. Everyone has a very worker bee type role to play (with Anakin being a very special worker bee). Yes, he enjoys making life, especially for certain people such as Anakin, as miserable as humanely possible but he liked methodical order more.

Palpatine is the evil empire of a lego city where one of his lego creations happens to be a planet-sized weapon that can destroy yours with a push of a button.

In other words: he has not, has never been, nor has ever given any indication of being a chaos/universe destroying guy.

He wants to be in charge, he wants society to run in the awful way he thinks it should, he wants to kill off anyone he deems as annoying/a threat/he thinks it would be funny if they died, but he does want there to be some society.

It's just, you know, awful.

(And in many cases run by thugs, god, Palpatine really does not mind those crime lord worlds and trafficking so long as they stay in their lane.)

Sheev Dumbledore: Pre Canon

So, Sheev is born as Albus Dumbledore.

Now, obviously, there's a very large question here of just why Palpatine became the methodical, ruthless, tyrannical bastard we meet in both the prequel films as well as the original films (not sure his cameo in the sequel films counts, that was weird).

I'm sure there's an explanation of why he became what he did somewhere, but I don't know it, all I know is the heavy implication of being the apprentice to Plageis the Wise (who had a tragic tale, you know).

What I'm getting at is it's unclear if he would at all go down the same path as Albus Dumbledore.

Dumbledore went down his own questionable path, especially at first... but we know his reasons for doing so and I'm not sure it'd be something Palpatine would be interested in.

But let's just throw the whys and hows out the window and say Dumbledore is just Palpatine as we know him when we first meet him in the films.

Somehow.

First, he has middling interest in Gellert when they first meet. What we do know of the Dumbledore and Gellert interaction is from an exemplar letter penned by Dumbledore (which is... very yikes) as well as what's summarized to Harry by different sources, but the long and short of it is that they seemed like young, radical, youths who think they're very serious but they're not about to do anything yet. They just have really big ideas about how they're going to enslave the Muggles and bicker about how they should go about it/convince the people this is a great idea.

In other words, for all he was thrown out of school, Gellert's not something anyone would take remotely seriously at this point. There are dozens of Gellerts.

Palpatine has no use for people who aren't useful to him. However, he does like to plan for the long term, and he likes to put together many, many, plans even if one of them doesn't turn out. And he likes to seed things for potential use in the future, even if it may not bear fruit.

(The terrifying thing about Palpatine, and what he's so good at in the films, is that there's not one grand master plan. There's not a singular very clever plan that happens to be pulled off due to clever mechanizations: there's many things happening all at once. Some work out, some don't.

Palpatine had planned on assassinating Padme, she survives but he adjusts such that it doesn't end up mattering. Palpatine would have loved snatching Anakin as a child if/when the Jedi threw him out for being too old, Palpatine patiently waited until he could get his opening with no sweat off his back. The first prequel film, Palpatine had planned on Naboo being ravaged, but Padme managed to win back the planet without the help of the senate far faster than he expected, but he still ended up with the sympathy vote he needed and so it worked out.

He's patient and he's versatile.)

So, I imagine Palpatine encourages Gellert and endeavors to keep an eye on him, but he's not personally invested and never puts anything damning into writing as Gellert's silly Muggle serf revolution is not worth ruining his own prospects and chances for power later.

As a result, there's no fallout with Abetforth and I imagine Ariana survives unless she dies young of illness (it was noted that she was extremely frail and this was part of the problem, it's not impossible she would have died young regardless of the fight).

Palpatine happily goes on his trip with Doge to make sure Doge remains happy (he hates it and he hates him and he hates everybody). If the opportunity is given to him, he gladly works under Flamel both for the SeCReT KnOWlEDge and for the prestige: apprenticing under Flamel makes him a name.

Then we get to what he published. Dumbledore in canon first becomes famous as an academic for the 12 uses of dragon's blood which are... plagiarized...

Palpatine's not doing that, as tempting as it might be, it's one of those things that always has the danger of being brought up in the long run (and Palpatine's very much in it for the long run). This is something that would put a dent in his reputation for something he doesn't need to dent it for, he has worthier causes for taking bigger risks.

So, I don't know what Palpatine comes up with, but whatever it is he's going to make it so that it makes as big a splash as possible and makes him a name in his own right.

He also keeps close to Flamel, likely hiring assassins and thieves on the sly, and makes sure the man thinks he's like a doting son to him as he waits for his chance to murder the man, steal the stone for himself, or create one of his own if it's possible.

Could be he has to wait until 1991 for this, which is when the stone fell into Dumbledore's hand canonically, or could be it's much sooner. Given what happened in canon though, my money's not on Flamel.

Again, should the opportunity arise, Dumbledore will absolutely defeat Gellert personally (take that wand for himself, thank you very much) and become a big damn war hero.

Now, given how we see the wizarding world react to things (or not) Palpatine can safely take on all the roles Dumbledore did without raising too many eyebrows. I also think he wouldn't go for Minister, he doesn't want to be Minister, he wants to be emperor and when he takes that Minister seat he better have emergency powers thank you very much.

It's much easier to steer the ship as Hogwarts Headmaster, Chief Warlock, Supreme Mugwump--and do what Dumbledore did and form a secret group of loyal acolytes who are willing to break the law to do his bidding.

(To give credit to Dumbledore, he does mean well with the Order, even if they're horribly run. He's not disingenuous, he does believe in good, believe he's doing good even if he has to do awful things to do it, and truly believes in the rights of Muggle-borns, creatures, and defeating Voldemort.

... It's just that Palpatine would do the same damn thing, but lie to his underlings faces and merely play the persona of the benevolant Albus Dumbledore.)

Though even further on the side, Palpatine has shadier contacts who have no idea who they're working for/believe they're dealing with an entirely different man.'

What About Tom Riddle

And here something interesting happens.

Palpatine meets a little boy with extraordinary magical potential, a need to impress the first authority figure he meets, who is an isolated and lonely orphan, resentful of his status and abandonment--

This boy could be very useful to Palpatine when he grows up, and more to the point, getting to him is child's play.

The thing about Anakin was he did have protectors. It ultimately didn't work out for a myriad of reasons, and the Jedi were far from perfect, but he did have the Jedi shielding him from the likes of Palpatine and more importantly he had Obi-Wan, a master who seemed to be quite close to Anakin even into adulthood/after Anakin became a knight.

If it weren't for Obi-Wan especially, Palpatine probably would have been able to sink his claws into Anakin much sooner than he did.

Tom Riddle has no one.

There is no one in the HP world who gives a flying fuck about him. He has no family to protect or advise him, Slughorn exists yes... but without getting into it too much as this is not the post for it we can see in canon he's not what one would call reliable, and canonically there's Dumbledore who pays very close attention--but because he expects Tom to fail in horrible ways.

There is nothing standing in the way between Albus Palpatine and Tom Riddle.

Tom Riddle gets to fill the role of "ultimately expendable sith apprentice lol lol it will be funny when he grows up into a wretched being because of me".

And Tom has no idea.

...

MOVING ON

What Palpatine needs is a crisis.

Now, canonically, Voldemort was a fantastic crisis. He purged many cornerstones of society, put people into a state of panic, flipped the government on its head--it would have been very easy for Dumbledore to take control as the person everyone would turn to in such times.

And to Dumbledore's credit, he didn't do this, it didn't seem to cross his mind beyond a vague awareness that becoming Minister is probably something that wouldn't be good for him/the country. Dumbledore knew it was a bad idea, which is why he never did it. So, good on you, Albus.

Palpatine however absolutely would.

But I also don't think he'd burn Tom Riddle on something stupid like Voldemort. Please, that's for the Count Dookus of this world.

So, he gets himself a Count Dooku.

He finds someone with vast wealth, upset with the status quo (of which there are very real problems, Palpadumbledore has been making the wizarding world worse for decades at this point, things are bad) and says, "You know, I think this would be a great time for a civil war."

We then get...

Honestly, the ideal situation for Palpatine is very similar to canon. You have the fragmented, factionalized, Ministry that operates with its head cut off, infiltrated by so many spies from both sides that it's ineffectual and paranoid of everyone. You have Dumbledore's group who are given missions that sure seem to be doing things--but god, horrible how they have such high fatality for key individuals somehow. Somehow the young people with money just keep dying/causing their families to die out!

The other side is experiencing the same problem (and is vaguely aware but not really that they're being ordered about by the same man... who is their leader again? Dooku?)

While this is happening, Palpatine will argue for further and further consolidation of Ministry power in this state of emergency as well as proactive jailing measures and stuff. THEY HAVE TO GET THIS UNDER CONTROL, GUYS.

The difference, however, is that Palpatine's patiently waiting to see which side of the war loses, as he did in the Star Wars films. The thing was that it never really mattered if the Separatists won or lost, Palpatine controlled both sides. What he wanted was to thin out both armies enough such that he could easily take control with his mass produced soldiers, it was not important that the Jedi in particular won.

So, he's waiting until people with the funds and resources are depleted enough that there will be no one to resist when he reveals that "Actually, it's my lego empire now. I want to build a Death Star. It will be cool."

And if there's anyone particularly pesky left afterwards, VADER-IDDLE, GO GET EM, TIGER! DO IT!

(Whether Tom is still on board at this point/what he's doing is fanfiction at this point, I leave that as an exercise for the reader. Could be he's sadly running too, hating everything.)

And Palpatine's probably going to get what he wants. Maybe there's a miraculous prophecy where a baby blows him up somehow--unlikely but possible--or maybe Tom has his moment of redemption and throws him into the vacuum of space--also unlikely, but possible, but ignoring that... yeah, he probably gets to sit in his big chair and make Death Stars.

And people don't even realize what the fuck happened.

TL;DR

Dumbledore is bad but Palpatine is evil.

[luminous-orb]

[rafent]

The excursion this time had been, for the most part, uneventful. Well, not uneventful in the sense that nothing happened - there were thieves and monsters running around everywhere, and much of the ruined city was unsalvageable and on fire - but uneventful in the sense that Griss hadn't gotten to kill anything. And nothing had hurt him this time either. He thought back to getting poisoned almost with fondness.

"You'll never guess what me 'n Prince Weird Eyes got up to this time," he said brightly in lieu of a greeting, strolling up to Lord Rafal as soon as he caught sight of the dragon returning to their bunker. Although he might not have been battered to hell and back this time, Griss was in much better spirits, and the expectant look in his eye said that he did indeed want Lord Rafal to try to guess.

He'd get it wrong, of course, because for once Griss hadn't been at the center of bloodshed.

Whatever answer Lord Rafal gave, however, would earn him only a rumbling sort of laugh and a triumphant grin, like Griss was proud of being unpredictable. More unpredictable, anyway. He flung his arms out at his side as he announced:

"We broke into a fancy estate and robbed the place!"

Okay, so they'd been hired. Technically.

"Princey went along with it, too, believe it or not. Had to keep pullin' him away from trying to clean the place though. Here." He fished into his robes and extracted a beautiful glass bottle filled with a bright blue liquid and capped with a gold stopper. It was a miracle that it had survived the trip back. With one hand supporting the round base, and the other clasped around the long neck, he offered it to the dragon.

"Got this for ya. This stuff'll keep you alive if you go somewhere without me again."

A ray of sun amid disconsolate rain and dreary cloud—rare was it to call Griss such, but that was indeed what he was. Bright-eyed, sunny, and cheery of manner, a singularity positioned with utmost contrast to both the powerless refugees of the bunker and the powerful dragon he awaited, all he lacked was tail and wag. Rafal as the other man came into view pitched his brows high, hardly believing his ears. An Elyosian prince with strange eyes. And Griss. In other words: here was the clashing of two personalities never before thought to meet in middle. What combination.

"With Fogado? Allow me to wager several guesses." He humored expectant gaze with a roam of his own as if to accumulate possible tells, lingering ever so slightly on healing wounds. "The two of you cheated near death experience by the skin of your teeth? Led to the destruction of a small hamlet and now flee retribution? Alerted our enemies to our little known refuge by your raging void of discretion?"

All outcomes of which this combination was capable of, in his expert opinion. The reality and his ensuing perplexity went hand-in-hand with what could almost be determined his pleasant surprise.

"Well. I suppose grand theft is not the worst one might expect from your likes."

And that Griss should stand before him in high spirits meant that the crime of larceny was one well done. Yield offered an attractive and not unfamiliar bottle of saturated cerulean liquid; rare in Elyos, but rarer still amid the tumult of a foreign continent with few resources to spare. Griss' statement, too, was familiar. Even nostalgically so. Rafal took hold of the flask-shaped bottle on a faint brush of their hands.

"I've no need for a chaperone to ensure my survival, I hope you are aware." A formless relic of the past that his reminder relayed. There had been another who concerned himself with keeping Rafal alive and near; another watchful knight, another friendly age; the lines of two who should ever so occasionally blur into one. But Rafal stood straighter: "But I would be remiss to not avail of a tribute hard won. Well done, Griss. By your efforts, it shall see use."

No matter this or that memory, this or that crime, the crux was that Griss had performed dutifully. As hunting hounds did with fowls, as armies did of victories, here was the homeward tribute that bore equivalence between Fell Dragon and Fell Disciple, knight and lord.

Rafal receives Elixir

[omarwolaeth]

Thinking about how souls canonically do exist in universe, and how that might correlate to seeing different people as one in the same, all because their souls are identical (pieces of a whole)

[floorpancakes]

say what you want about various things but clamp were kinda cooking when they were like 'if ur not around your gay love interest for like three hours you may just simply eat shit and fall out of a window and die' 😭

[inbarfink]

I've seen a couple of posts making jokes about the Casting of the Winter King. You know, stuff to the effect of "I can't believe that if you mix Tom Kenny and Tom Kenny you get Brian David Gilbert" or "Brian David Gilbert is exactly at the midpoint between two flavors of Tom Kenny". And all of these posts are very funny, and I do like them a lot. This post is not meant to start an argument or criticize or complain about them as much as me adding my opinions and thoughts inspired by the thoughts these posts evoked in me.

Because, the thing is... I actually don't think describing the Winter King as 'the middle' of Simon Petrikov and Ice King is a fully accurate way to put it. This is certainly what his design evoke, I think that is how obviously how he presents himself but... after what he did I think he is actually even farther away from Simon Petrikov than Ice King ever was.

That's kinda why the Winter King has a different voice, I think? On a meta level. It's a subtle little reminder that this guy and this guy

Still have, on some level, more in common with each other than either do with this guy

And from an in-universe perspective, I think with the way he switches back to Tom Kenny just as his magic fades away and he's about to die...I think the implication is that the Winter King has been using magic to make his appearance more idealized and attractive. Most obviously in terms of height.

And he probably also did a similar thing with his voice.

Therefore, the main conclusion we must draw from this is that Brian David Gilbert is the most attractive man Simon Petrikov can think of.

[violetwolfraven]

Wait wait wait remember that post about how Team Starkid/the Lang brothers are going to be comparable to Shakespeare 500 years from now and it was mostly played for laughs like yeah lol you’ll need a paragraph of footnotes to explain the zefron poster but like

I don’t think that’s actually far off from how Starkid’s place in theatre history might play out and here’s why. Just hear me out

Why is Shakespeare so popular today when he definitely wasn’t the only playwright from that era? When he’s not even the only playwright from that era from England that we have surviving works from?

Two main reasons:

1) Shakespeare’s work is (relatively) universally relatable. The characters do things that are so fundamentally human. They make jokes at their friends’ expense. They complain about being awkward in front of their crush. They have daddy issues. The plot lines of the plays aren’t too complicated. The dick jokes land whether you’re watching in 1611 or 2024, and they probably still will in 2637. Shakespeare’s works are timeless because he didn’t try to outsmart his audience. He wrote about things everyone could relate to rather than trying too hard to peacock his intellect in front of the nobility. This is not true of every playwright.

2) Shakespeare was really popular right around the time England started colonizing everything in sight. Copies of his work got shipped all around the world, translated into dozens of languages, performed probably thousands of times. Setting aside the moral implications of this, the important thing to note is that Shakespeare was about the most easily accessible English playwright during a time of rapid, intense globalization.

Meanwhile, Starkid:

1) Invests hard in meaningful, relatable character arcs instead of spectacle and expensive sets or costumes. Also, lowbrow, immature humor and dick jokes that make A Very Potter Sequel funny and enjoyable regardless of if you’ve ever seen any other Harry Potter media in your life.

2) Posts professional recordings of their musicals to YouTube FOR FREE, making their shows about the easiest, best quality musical theatre you can get pretty much anywhere in the world, regardless of if your area has an active theatre scene. Proshots from other companies are rare and usually not free. Bootlegs are all well and good, but even if the video quality is alright (and that’s a big if) the audio is usually garbage. Starkid has been posting the best quality free recordings they can afford since 2009, shortly after the birth of social media, another time of rapid, intense globalization.

In short, I’m not saying that theatre historians in 500 years won’t remember any our current Broadway faves, but I am saying that in my opinion, Team Starkid is probably going to be more accessible for the general public. If you’re a 26th century English teacher trying to teach your class about narrative structure in 21st century theatre, what are you going to show your students? A bootleg of Hadestown with blurry video and garbage audio? Or the professional recording of Twisted, parts of which they will probably even enjoy, because even long after no one remembers Disney’s Aladdin anymore, your class of 26th century 16-year-olds are still going to laugh at “No One Remembers Achmed.”

[twilightkitkat]

Everyone knows that Deadpool can break the 4th wall. It's a large part of his charm: being able to directly address the audience and make popculture references that don't exist in the MCU.

It's a common gag in fanfiction for Logan to be slightly weirded out by this but to just let it go.

But can we talk about the implications of knowing about 4th wall? The potential?

Imagine Wade, knowing that he's trapped inside a story that nobody else is aware of. Knowing that his fate is in the hands of the storywriters and that if he doesn't perform well for the audience, his universe could cease to exist. Knowing that he's just a character and being completely alone in that knowledge.

Knowing that he's played by an actor. Knowing that nothing is really in your control. Knowing how your fate rests in the hand of corporations and money. (Knowing nobody is safe as long as they can be used to further your character development.)

He knows that there's a plot and the general rules of it. He knows that The Conflict can't be resolved that easily and when the end of the movie is coming. He knows how to tell narrative death flags.

He partially makes references to keep the audience engaged (to keep his existence renewed) and partially because it's funny to see everyone confused over a joke only he gets.

But every reference is trying to see if anyone else knows, too. He's throwing out the bait. (Trying to see if anyone knows that the world they're living in is fake.)

And everyone sees him as crazy for it. Schizophrenic, manic, insane. (And maybe he is. It's not like he can prove it to anyone.)

Wade assumes things about the world and they're generally correct. He knows the rules of the game, knows the writers, and has a razor-sharp intuition that has his allies questioning him sometimes (he knows popular tropes).

And so, when he realized that he was in a movie with Logan, he made a lot of assumptions. That they would have to work together. That they'd overcome their differences and grow closer.

But most importantly, he assumed the limits. Disney wouldn't make an openly gay character, would they? Deadpool is fine because he's a joke but Wolverine would never be seriously gay, even if he was queer in the comics.

So he sees it as safe to flirt and joke because it wasn't going anywhere. Being gay was funny to the target audience, but that was it. It'd never be taken seriously in a superhero movie. (Especially with characters as popular as Deadpool and Wolverine.)

Wade was either getting Vanessa or nothing. That was how the story was written.

So he never takes Logan's feelings seriously. He cared about him in a very family-friendly bro kind of way and that was it. He doesn't even consider the idea of romance. He jokingly flirts and spews innuendos, but they never went anywhere. Wouldn't go anywhere. Ever.

And Logan is confused because he thought Wade was attracted to him, yet he keeps brushing him off as friendly when he tries to be sincere. He one time legitimately shared a bendy heart straw with him by Wade's request and Wade just played it off as a bit.

And also, Wade keeps making references he doesn't understand. That nobody understands. And he'd chalk it up to saying random shit except Logan starting paying attention and it's all oddly cohesive and creates a singular story. It ties together in ways that complete nonsense doesn't.

And that's leaving out Wade's "intuition." How he makes comments about "tropes" and "cliches" like they're in a movie except that he ends up being right. Almost every time. It's like he can predict the future, but in a vague yet oddly specific way. Like he can see how things are going to go.

And sometimes, when Wade thinks Logan isn't paying attention, he notices how he mutters to himself in dread. And how something bad almost always happens after.

It makes him disturbed and painfully, achingly curious. What was Wade seeing that he wasn't? It could be that Wade was a secret prodigy, but that didn't seem to be the case? Some of this was too specific and far-fetched.

(All while Wade laments over the lack of agency in his own life, subject to the currents of the story while being painfully aware of it. He couldn't live a life of blissful ignorance like everyone else. It's like he saw a tsunami hurdling toward him—even if he ran away at full speed, the plot always caught up to him somehow.

Trust him. He'd tried to outrun it.)

[anarchy-and-piglins]

Piglin names are structured a little differently than usual names. It’s last name then full name.

So “Techno Blade”. Techno is the family name while Blade is his personal name. His family also has a pattern, with each generation being named after weapons. Techno Blade’s dad is Techno Gun, and his grandfather is Techno Axe.

His great grandfather is Techno Trebuchet and his Uncle is Techno Flamethrower.

The farthest back he can trace back his family tree is his great great great grandfather “Techno Soviet-Explosive-Dogs” and great great great grandmother “Techno Ship-Mounted-Aerial-Mine-Rocket-Launcher”

Sorry this is already very funny but what's even funnier is 1. the implication the soviet union exists in the DSMP universe and 2. piglins are aware of said soviet union

[videovamptramp]

i’m right over here, why can’t you see me? (2)

// when ellie’s reaction to you and abby hooking up isn’t quite what you expected, she leads you right into abby’s open arms. //

[warnings: jealousy, pining, angst, slight arguing, angry!ellie, illusions to one-sided feelings, simp!abby, fuckgirl!ellie, sexual implications]

xxxxxxxxx

this is pt.2 (pt.1 can be found here)

abby was always taught to be the bigger person. her father consistently reminded her that no matter how people treat her, she should always be the bigger person. that’s most of the reason why she’s so reserved and non-confrontational. when she first started university, she knew she didn’t quite fit in. unlike a vast majority of students around here, she wasn’t here for the “college” experience. she was just here to play soccer and get her degree in engineering. she also noticed you from the first day of freshman year, but she was way too shy to say hi to you. abby’s never really been good at flirting or starting conversation with new people. she often feels too awkward, or too intimidated to say anything.

manny took a liking to her right away; the school got his rooming situation mixed up, and that’s how he ended up being abby’s roommate. it was strange at first for her; she was wary about having a guy as a roommate. but she quickly learned manny was a cool guy. he was funny, and hung up pictures of him and his dad right away. abby could relate, as she was very close to her dad as well.

manny slowly seemed to get abby out of her shell, and would invite her to various functions and parties. but he quickly learned if it didn’t have anything to do with soccer, abby wasn’t really interested. even the girls who threw themselves at the dark haired blonde, would get shot down without abby even realizing she was rejecting them. you were ironically the first person abby found herself interested in. hell, after the party yesterday, abby was almost certain she was enthralled by you.

after walking you back to your dorm, you gave abby your number and hugged her tightly. abby walked all the way back to her shared room with a dorky grin on her face. she could still smell your girly perfume, and all she could think about was your pretty smile. a part of her wondered if you’d cave and call ellie, but when you texted her after she had gotten out of the shower, she knew you didn’t.

y/n (1:34 a.m): i can’t wait to see how she reacts tomorrow, thanks for helping me haha

y/n (1:35 a.m): and thank you for keeping me company tonight, i really liked getting to know you abby 🖤

the smile that tugged at her lips after reading your message was nearly unrecognizable. as she walked out of the bathroom with her eyes and thumbs on her phone screen, manny raises a brow in slight suspicion at the peculiar sight.

abby (1:42 a.m): i really liked getting to know you too, i hope we can get to know each other better :) i was serious about teaching you how to ride a horse lol

“that’s a face i’ve never seen before.” manny states observingly, causing abby to look away from her phone, over at her roommate who was flashing her an intrigued smile. a blush coats her freckled covered cheeks as she thinks about you and your smile. “you remember that girl from my women’s history class? y/n?” abby reminds her best friend, who throws his head back and lets out a bark of a laugh. “abby you jugadora (player)! i knew you’d get laid eventually.” he taunts causing the jock to roll her eyes. “i didn’t ‘get laid’, gross ass. i finally said more than five words to her. i got her number too.” abby smirks, and mischief glints in manny’s eyes. “so nora dragging you to that party was a good thing then?” he half taunts and abby’s phone chimes, signaling that you’ve texted her again; her face gets hot, and manny chuckles.

y/n (1:44 a.m): i’ll be waiting for you to set something up when we’re not tipsy then ;)

abby (1:46a.m): i don’t think you’ll be waiting for very long <3 goodnigjt y/n, sleep tight

y/n (1:47 a.m): goodnight abby 🖤

when you wake up the next morning, your head is throbbing, and thoughts of last night begin to flood your mind. suddenly you remember all about abby’s plan to make ellie jealous. you reach over for your phone and see you have a string of missed calls, and five texts from ellie. your heart thumps as you open the text thread with the brunette.

ellie (2:20 a.m): you home??

ellie (6:34 a.m): why didn’t you call me last night?

ellie (6:35 a.m): did you make it back to your room safely??

ellie (9:35 a.m): you going to class today?

ellie (11:47 a.m) did you really hookup with anderson last night? it’s all that nora chick and her friend are talking about rn.

your cheeks heat up as you read the last message; word certainly seems to move fast around here. before you can even think about a response to ellie’s various messages, your gaze wanders to the time. your eyes widen as you gasp, realizing you slept nearly half the day away; it was already 2:30 p.m and nobody except for abby knew you were alive. you scurry off your bed, and just as your about to grab your clothes and stuff to shower, dina comes barging into your shared dorm. “dude, is it true!? did you hookup with the captain of the soccer team last night!?” dina sounds excited, and your cheeks turn a dark shade of pink, causing her to gasp.

“you did! holy shit, y/n… i didn’t think you had it in you.” she comments, sounding a bit impressed. “what? you didn’t think i had enough rizz to pull abby anderson?” you question half jokingly, causing the raven haired girl to laugh loudly. “oh no, i’m well aware you can pull whoever you want, i just didn’t think you’d move on from ellie so fast! i didn’t even come home last night, i spent the night listening to ellie rant about you and abby hunky anderson.” dina teases you mercilessly, doing nothing to ease the way your face is burning.

the raven haired girls eyes then widen, shining with pure amusement. “did you two do it in here? on your bed!?” she cackles before whistling, “who are you?” dina asks half jokingly as she begins to walk over to her side of the room, reaching for her biology textbook. “you’re leaving again?” you ask out loud, and dina nods, turning her head and flashing you a roguish smile. “yup, i’m studying with jesse till five.” she admits, and you raise your brows, offering her a disbelieving expression. “studying or fucking?” you ask her, poking fun at the slightly taller girl. she rolls her eyes, but looks away from you in order to keep you from seeing the way her face changes in color. “unlike you, i am considerate of jesse’s roommate. we wait until he’s at work.” dina’s response causes you to laugh, shaking your head in amusement.

“whatever. i’m going to shower, and change into pajamas. maybe i’ll make myself a cup soup and watch reruns of buffy all evening.” you tell her, and dina snorts. “maybe you could call anderson to join you. i’m sure she’ll be up for round two.” dina’s voice is sardonic but dripping with lightheartedness. “who says we didn’t already have round two?” you inquire challengingly, causing dina to gasp as she reaches for a pillow on her bed, tossing it right at you. you laugh loudly, as you make your way towards the door with your pajamas and toothbrush in hands. right as you open the door to rush out, you come face to face with ellie who had been debating with herself on whether to knock or not.

her eyebrows meet her hairline as she sees you, your mascara from last night a mess, and your hairs a mess. there’s a wave of hot, red anger that surges throughout the brunette as she realizes you’ve been so busy with abby anderson, you haven’t been able to answer any of her messages, or even been able to wash your face. her eyes flicker over to your bed that’s a mess, and suddenly unwanted images of abby fucking you on your bed flood her mind.

“it’s nice to see you’re alive.” ellie grumbles a bit dramatically as she pushes her way into the room, causing dina to turn around and look at you. “you knew i was okay. i was with abby.” you respond, and the mere mention of the other girl seems to set ellie off. “no i didn’t know that y/n! i don’t know a fucking thing about abby! she could’ve been a weirdo who only wanted to take advantage of you—” you cut ellie off before she can say something stupid, “but she wasn’t! abby and i are both two consenting adults who hooked up, just like everyone else around here!” you snap a bit harshly, and the words feel like a slap to the face for ellie. “so the rumors are true? you and anderson hooked up last night?” ellie’s voice sounds hurt, and you can’t even recognize the expression that’s etched onto her features.

“uh, jesse’s waiting for me, so i’ll let you guys talk.” dina declares a bit awkwardly, she can feel the tension in the room, but she decides to stay out of it and walk away. before she walks out, the raven haired girl flashes you a look of reassurance. when she shuts the door behind her, you and ellie are left alone. you shake your head, “why do you sound so angry about it? you hookup with girls all the time!” you counterpoint, and ellie shakes her head. “but i never ditch you to do it!” she hisses, while you respond with an eye roll. “yes you do! ellie, you ditched me last night for angela! you do it at every party with different girls, but the one time i do it, it’s a problem?” you ask, crossing your arms over your chest.

“i was worried about you! i don’t care about your meaningless, shitty hookup with anderson.” ellie spits rudely, and you let out an angry laugh of disbelief. “shitty? why do you think i was asleep all day? it was amazing.” you nearly grimace as you realize you sound like you’re trying too hard to convince ellie. “besides, abby already asked me on a date. she wants to go horseback riding.” you lie right through your teeth, and ellie lets out a chuckle. “yeah? that sounds like complete bullshit.” she calls you on your bluff, and you raise a brow, “what sounds like bullshit? that someone could actually want something more than a hookup with me?” you ask challengingly, causing ellie’s annoyed expression to falter. “no, y/n, that’s not what i meant…” she trails off, her voice lowering slightly.

“then what did you mean? because to me it sounds like you think all abby or anyone could ever want me for is a hookup.” you reply dryly, but ellie can detect the slight hurt in your tone. she shakes her head again, “no that isn’t— it’s not you! it’s abby! girls like her aren’t actually interested in dating anyone. i mean, half the cheerleading team said she sleeps with girls and never talks to them again!” ellie points out, and you furrow your eyebrows. “since when do you listen to rumors?” you demand, making her run her fingers through her hair in frustration. “you can’t seriously be thinking about going out with her, are you?”

her question causes you to frown, “yes i am. and unless you can give me an actual reason on why i shouldn’t, then we have nothing left to fight about.” your voice is strangely stern, and something in ellie’s stomach drops because of it. “i’m going to go shower… just like was before you barged in here.” you know you sound meaner than usual, but you can’t help it. ellie was supposed to be showing you how sexy she was when she was jealous, not what a jerk she was. you didn’t even mean to lie about your date with abby; it had just slipped out. ellie had a way of pushing your buttons, and in a way you knew the more you talked about abby, the more you were pushing hers. you walk out of your room, shutting the door behind you and leaving ellie alone. she can’t help but glance over at the messy, undid bed that was taunting her. ellie hates thinking about you and abby together, but she still can’t figure out why. dina was right, the brunette might just be the most oblivious person on the planet.

you’re not as upset after getting clean. a warm shower and a fresh set of pajamas always makes you feel better. when you get back to your room, ellie is no longer there, but there's a twinge of guilt that runs through your veins. you push it as far away from your thoughts as you can. you know you shouldn't feel bad; after all, ellie has been raving about how "pretty" and "hot" angela is for the last four weeks! you shouldn't feel the slightest bit guilty for making her jealous with abby.

as your mind thinks about the honey blonde girl, a small, inevitable smile makes it's way onto your lips. though the smile falls fast when you realize you're going to have to ask abby to help you again. this time it was your own doing; you angrily lied to ellie and told her you had a date with abby. in a way it made you feel a bit pathetic, faking a date. the cruel voice in your head was telling you that ellie was right; you couldn't get a date with someone like abby... not an actual date at least. but ellie didn't really know that. as far as she knew, you were going to be riding off into the sunset with abby after your date.

ellie doesn’t text you throughout the rest of the evening or night. a part of you feels a bit bad for lying to her, but the other part of you knows you only did it because she was acting stupid. the next morning you wake up and get ready for your classes; feeling way better than you did yesterday. abby sees you walking to your second class, which happens to be women’s history with her. she can’t stop herself from approaching you, regardless of the butterflies fluttering in her stomach.

“y/n.” she greets you with that soft accent, that causes an unfamiliar warmth to course throughout your body. “abigail.” you respond back, unable to contain the smile on your face. “how did things go with williams yesterday?” she asks curiously, and your smile falls at the mention of your best friend. “not good? was my plan a bust?” she questions cautiously, rubbing the back of her neck nervously. you sigh, “i don’t know. i mean, she was really mad yesterday when she came to my room. she heard people saying we hooked up, and she said all you wanted was to hookup and never talk to me again…” you trail off, and abby opens her mouth to disagree, but you go on before she can get a word out.

“i kinda got really mad when she said that and i might’ve lied to her about us having a date.” you blush in pure embarrassment, and abby lets out a laugh. “oh jeez, i don’t even wanna picture how angry she got when you told her that.” abby’s voice is light, yet there’s a slight seriousness in her tone; she remembers the way ellie was glaring at her the other night. you shake your head, a small frown etching itself onto your face. abby can’t figure out how you look so pretty all the time; even when you’re upset. “yeah she was pretty mad… but who cares? she’s just acting like a jerk! i mean, to be jealous is one thing but she doesn’t have to be an asshole about it. she’s supposed to be my best friend. realistically she’s supposed to be happy for me.” you mutter, causing the blonde to raise her brows in amusement.

“she’s your best friend who’s in love with you. the more time you spend with me, the angrier she’s gonna get.” abby points out with a slight mumble, and you sigh, “if ellie is as in love with me as you and dina say she is, then she would’ve said something yesterday. but she didn’t. i honestly think ellie just isn’t into me like that.” you sound genuinely sad as you come to terms with this, and the dismal expression on your face causes something to tug at abby’s heartstrings. she doesn’t like seeing you sad.

“she’s just stubborn. she needs more of a push. i mean you said she got upset when you told her we have a date.” abby tries, as you both stand outside of the classroom, continuing the conversation. “yeah, but she’s ellie, she literally has anger issues. maybe she was just mad that i promised to call, and i didn’t.” you explain, and abby shrugs. “then lets go on a date. let’s see how ellie reacts to it.” the taller girl throws the idea out there, causing you to freeze. you look at her, “you wanna take me on a “date”, just so i can see how ellie reacts?” your voice has suspicion laced throughout it, as abby nods. “why do you wanna help me so badly?” you interrogate slightly, obviously not trusting the blonde.

she laughs at the way your eyes are narrowed, and she can’t help but find every expression of yours absolutely adorable. “because i like you. you’re the coolest person i’ve met around here aside from nora and manny. i’ll help you get the girl if that’s what you want. i’m a great wingman.” she winks at you, and you roll your eyes playfully, that genuine smile that causes abby’s heart to palpitate returns. “you’re also a very sweet person.” you add onto her boast; this causes the back of her neck to heat up, as she looks down at her boots and smiles. you wrap your arms around her and hug her tightly, just like you did the other night.

and just like the first time you hugged her, abby’s mind begins to race as the smell of your perfume takes over her senses. she hugs you back, and when you pull away you have this mischievous grin on your face. “i guess we’ve officially got a date then, anderson.” you half joke, as you lead abby into the classroom. abby’s sure her face is as red as a tomato, and she’s much too busy thinking about how soft you are and how good you smell to think of a good response. instead, all abby can do is follow you like a puppy to your seat. she sits down next to you, and throughout the entire class, she doesn’t pay attention once.

after the class ends she realizes she hasn’t taken a single note, and has no idea what the assignment topic for tonight is. every thought she seemed to have, circled back to you. the worst of it was, you were probably thinking about ellie while she was thinking about you nonstop.

after class, she groans to herself as she realizes she has no idea what the assignment topic for tonight is. she was too busy stealing glances at you, and thinking about your “date”.

“god, what the hell did i get myself into?”

abby thinks to herself as she walks into her shared dorm. she throws herself onto her bed, her thoughts never leaving you.

meanwhile ellie slams the door behind her as she storms into her room. she can’t help but feel more upset than ever. she saw you and abby walking to class today, and it caused an ugly green wave of jealousy to wash over her. for a moment she actually wanted to go up to abby and punch her right in front of you, though ellie knew you’d never forgive her for that. but ellie also couldn’t just sit around and watch you fall for abby fucking anderson.

suddenly, she pauses in the middle of pacing as an idea hits her; like a lightbulb lighting up over her head. ellie knows what she has to do; she’s going to ruin your date with abby, and she has a million different ideas on how to do it.

xxxxxxx

team abby or team ellie? 👀

taglist: @macaroni676 @swxxtbnny @bellaramseyswife @asabovesobelow666 @thatonementallyillsimp @fofinhamarie @p4ison1vy @harrysslutsstuff @jalousiexx @mostlyhornyandsad @clouded-whispers @elliewilliams4ever @forelliesposts @dergy @uraesthete @4rt3m1ss @3bolivia @calderysuh @milfsandtittyenthusiast @fofinhamarie @mikimambo @elliewilliamsgf69 @ariiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii01 @ellienbilliearemywives @emst4rr @nabiba @bycoincidencesoflife @jennasoneanonly @lizzygoldenr @bready101 @dinasbigtoe @fairlyang @wingedoafbasketballjudge-blog @halfmooneclipse @defencelessarcher @selfcentered-bitch @vswerve @iwantyoutocryforme @hsangel64 @abbysleftbicepp @gabsssssblog @2dmenlackimperfection @cinematicdilfs @masclover111 @mai5mai @teenagedramaqueenlisa

i’m sorry to everyone it didn’t let me tag, some of your blogs weren’t popping up 😭 merry christmas loves, stay safe - vamp <3

[gay-dorito-dust]

@thelightofmylife wouldn’t it be funny if I decided to reread your entire HSR writing list again (I in fact did)… lolol <3 I’m still thinking about your response to me btw. You’re very kind 💖💞💗 truly I can’t get enough of your writing and I suppose kind words

No pressure to do this request if you don’t want to, you can also take this ask as an invitation to chat too

( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

ahh! I was thinking ,,,, Sunday + Aventurine + Jing Yuan… and anyone else you would personally want to do …!! Giving them headpats because you love them soooo much!!! And receiving or asking for headpats in trade … <3 i think it’s a universal thing that headpats are <33 so good and lovely and good for showing love ;w;’ <3

Jing Yuan will gladly accept your head pats, he finds your beaming face adorable as you gently patted his head as though you were being extremely cautious with how you gave him head pats.

He recognises it as your primary display of love after awhile and would create a routine where he would just sit himself in front of you, claim that he was meditating, and closes his eyes and waits until he felt you begin to pat him on the head and mutter ‘soft floofy hair’ under your breath as he fights back the urge to smile.

You really do want his heart and he didn’t want to go back to a reality where he did not know the power of your comforting head pats.

Someone could’ve been looking for him about something serious and when they’ve enter the room, they are greeted to the sight of him him dozing off all the while getting treated to some well deserved head pats from you.

A bird popped out of his hair once during a headpat session and you were scared off of giving him head pats for a while in fear of having another tiny bird fly out from his hair. Jing Yuan was a sad man that day and would stop fucking pouting until Yanquing asked you to put him out of his misery and give Jing Yuan his head pats, he couldn’t train with a moody general who didn’t get his daily head pats.

Jing Yuan wasn’t afraid of giving out headpats of his own. He gave Yanquing a couple in the past but he used them sparingly. You however, you could have as many headpats as you’d like from him and Jing Yuan wouldn’t complain, especially not as he got the chance to watch you melt under his touch to the point you were practically cuddled into his side with a look of pure content written across your face.

So if he were to see that you weren’t having the best of days he’d immediately start giving you headpats in hopes of making you feel better. Jing Yuan’s logic was that seeing as how your headpats always helped make his day just that little bit brighter. Jing Yuan could only hope that he could pay it forward to you in a way that let you know that he would always have your back, always.

Aventurine leans into your hand as you give him head pats and closing his eyes as he enjoyed any amount of affection you decided to give him.

He needed this, he really did.

At first he was afraid of what the implication meant but now, he would practically sprawl himself across your lap and silently wait until you were done with what you were doing to give him some head pats, whining that you don’t pay enough attention to him.

He wasn’t use to such gentle, loving touch such as yours and now that he’s gotten a taste, he’s become addicted and would always find a way to get you to give him head pats no matter what. He would ask but Aventurine felt as though he was only worth them when he’s done something to earn such affection.

He viewed everything as a transaction and your headpats were no different.

Until you told him one day that he didn’t have to ever ask to receive love and affection, at least not with you and that you would gladly give him headpats just for waking up.

Aventurine cried that night in your arms as you gave him soft, comforting headpats.

Now aventurine demands headpats for practically everything but you didn’t mind as you were more than happy to spend hours on end if it meant spending time with your lover and reassuring him of your love for him. It heals apart of him that he didn’t know needed healing before, you heal him with your unwavering kindness and compassion and he didn’t know how the appropriate way to thank you, other then to give you some headpats himself.

Aventurine’s headpats were soft, gentle, Alamo as though he was scared he was going to hurt you but they were reassuring and encouraging at the same time that made you feel as though you could move mountains.

His headpats were like a silent ‘I love you’ for a singular reason.

He would pat your head three times and linger there for a couple of seconds then patting your head three more times before repeating this a couple more times, even going as far as to adding in a couple of kisses to your face in between. He loved hearing you laugh but he loved it when you shown signs of being comfortable, being safe with him as that was all he wants was to make you feel safe and happy with him because that’s how you made him feel on a daily basis.

Sunday finds your need to give him head pats amusing and will gladly let you do so to your hearts content if it brings you so much joy.

It doesn’t matter if he was busy because Sunday will always make room for you and you head pats no matter what, and will stress the importance to his staff that a specific time slot remains reserved for you and only you because your head pats were pure magic to the Halovian.

His wings would flutter softly and in time with your head pats that you couldn’t help but giggle at how cute the sight was as Sunday tries to get them to stop, but ultimately just accepts that his wings had a mind of their own when it came to you and how reciprocal they were to your touch.

He defiantly needs them after a hard days work and will most defiantly collapse on your lap, wings drooping like a pair of dog ears in tandem to express his exhaustion, and sigh as he felt you begin to softly pat his head.

‘You’ve done amazing today honey.’ You tell him.

‘Thank you my dearest but all I want to do now is relax with you if that’s quite alright with you.’ Sunday said tired and you couldn’t deny him when he was like this, and for the rest of the afternoon you spent cuddled up with Sunday and giving him head pats as his wings tried to match with the pace of your pats.

Sunday does reward you with headpats of your own but they may not come as frequently as you might like but you understood that he was a busy man, when you do get your headpats its mainly when you were on the brink of falling asleep, so often times it felt like a dream. Sunday wishes he could give you as many headpats as you’d like but giving you them while you were half asleep was for the best.

Bonus: when he’s cuddling you from behind, his wings will try and give you headpats but end up hitting the sides of your face, so somethings you’d wake up to a pair of soft grey wings softly smacking you first thing in the morning.

[wall-maria-around-ba-sing-se]

totally just spitballing here but I feel like it might be because Z was actually posed as a threat for a lot of the game and so the difference between his implied threat and his actual threat is disappointing;

meanwhile Luxar has a ballasack neck for the entire game, talks like a Saturday morning cartoon villain, and flip flops between cutscenes on whether or not he actually believes in the “human DNA is poison” legend that his entire anti-human crusade is based on

Kind of baffles me that people think Z is the worst Xenoblade main antagonist when this guy exists.

[adventures-in-mangaland]

Dead Boy Detectives Fic Recs Part 11

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6|

Part 7 | Part 8 | Xmas | Part 9 | Part 10 | Collection

Happy Easter all! And in honour of the Dead Boy Detectives Anniversary I thought it was time for another fic rec list. Happy anniversary, fandom! You're all the best! ♥️

nobody ever made me crazy like this by Cesare

Edwin is cursed with the body of a beautiful girl and Charles has a lot of feelings about it. It's fun and I liked that Edwin is still very much himself, if feminised. The author is sensitive towards gender issues and it's nice to see Edwin have fun and experiment a little with supportive friends.

Is that a blue sky? It's about damn time by cordelianoir

Soulmate timer AU! Obviously, the implications of soulmate timers for payneland are interesting and give this fic a nice dose of melancholia.

it's magnetic, isn't it? (the sense of something underneath the surface) by KiaraSayre

Alive Boys AU where the boys get high and make out. Love that for them.

care and keeping by cutevamp

Charles-centric about Edwin getting Charles little gifts to show his appreciation (and maybe courtship??). It's super cute! Also the agency watches Heartstopper and teases Charles. Just adorable.

pandemonium: repose by singtome

Another Alive Boys AU, this time Charles is an exorcist trying to save possessed!Edwin. Fantastic concept and so well executed!

Devil on my Shoulder by lucrow

In which the boys encounter evil parallel universe versions of themselves who are insanely violent and also insanely in love. Honestly, I love Bonnie and Clyde payneland and given Charles' radical devotion, I can see it playing out like that, had they decided to go a less altruistic route. Also has fabulous fanart.

Lovely Poison by tragedy_machine

Charles is struck with a love potion (apparently) and Edwin is determined to Cure him of his totally-not-genuine affection. Kind of angsty and suspenseful.

Freeze by justafandomfollower

During a case, Edwin reckons with his Hell Trauma via a possessed doll. Part of a series exploring each member of the agency's fear responses.

Two Gay, Bitchy, Englishmen by ofstitches

In which Edwin and Aziraphale feud over books and Charles introduces Crystal to Crowley. Edwin Vs Aziraphale is so funny, think Unstoppable Force meets Unmoveable Object.

The Case of the Angel of Soho by polymona

Another Good Omens crossover! Featuring the boys sneaking into the bookshop over the years and a bonus appearance of Muriel! Short and sweet fic.

Somewhere Beyond the Sea by DontOffendTheBees

Ponyo AU! Insanely cute with serious baby Edwin and hyperactive fish!baby Charles. So far it's been about the boys growing up together, which is adorable, though there have also been hints of future Plot and some interesting worldbuilding details.

we get to stay around and watch the stars come out by laiqualaurelote

In which Charles is married to Crystal, who wants a divorce, and is father to twins, who are being bullied, and it all gets worse when they're attacked by armed gunmen. Black Doves AU written for Sparch (Spy March) with Spy Crystal and her long lost best friend Assassin Edwin making a truly excellent dramatic entrance at the end. It looks like they're all going to go on the run together and I honestly can't wait!

Go Loud by dear_monday and two_ravens

Another offering for Sparch, this time a Mr. and Mr(s) Smith AU. So so delicious.

He's beauty and he's grace by Hse11z5

Detective Charles Rowland must go undercover as a contestant at a beauty pageant so of course he needs a makeover! Featuring kind of a slob Charles endlessly pining over his totally uninterested partner Edwin and the Cat King as Michael Caine. This Miss Congeniality Sparch fic is so much fun!

ghost protocol by handwrittenhello

Another Sparch fic, but James Bond! In which Edwin is basically Q and must accompany Agent Charles Rowland in the field to save the world with his Maths Genius skills! Read it for yearning, disarming nuclear weapons and Edwin proving he's an absolute madman.

The Empire Below by dearheartdont

1920s AU for Sparch featuring Police Woman Niko going undercover to investigate drug deals in London's underground scene. So it's lucky she's also reconnecting with her good friend, Edwin Payne, who's willing to guide her through the empire's queer, criminal subcultures. Really interesting and evocative period setting (complete with period typical racism and misogyny) that also promises case fic and future palasaki and payneland. Recommended!

@dear-monday @dear-lucrow @dearheartdont @tw0-ravens @handwrittenhello @laiqualaurelote @dont-offend-the-bees @polymona @justafandomfollower @tragedy-machine @cordelia-noir @thenyoumaykissthebride @e-payne @codenamecesare @starsandatoms @guardianspirits13 @whatthehorsedoicallthisblog @bibliomancer7 @tumblerislovetumblerislife @tessaaaaa @shazziez @icurlybooks @lavenderlovers-stuff @kuwdora @tigerliliesandcherryblossoms @khorazir @avoiceofnerat @neurodivergent-fangirling @many-gay-magpies @c-rowland @extremely-eager-reader @northen-light @fairandfatalasfair @peppermenttea @movie-watching-monster @dbda-anniversary

[jillvalentinezxo]

Why I believe Albert Wesker is not a sexual predator:

He's an evil man I am not disputing that but I have a few points to dispute that he is a creep on top of a bioterrorist asshole.

1. Wesker is not into Rebecca.

The debate is endless but it’s also fruitless. What people don’t really mention is that the film found in Wesker’s desk is undeveloped. I checked both in the Re2make and the original Re2 and this is the case. Not only that, you have to search the desk fifty fucking times. That is not, in the slightest, easy access for perving. There are two images, one for each game.

Here’s the original one:

Here’s the remake one:

While I can see why people would say this is sexualized due to the crop, it’s not as if she’s bent over or anything, she’s just resting/stretching on a basketball court. It's also taken when she's fully aware, and smiling at the camera. If she was uncomfortable with the picture I doubt she'd look so at ease.

When it comes to his interactions with her in game he just shoots her, that's it. He's done. I don't think there's anything more to it than that. In re0 he's like "she's just a rookie" but beyond that he has nothing to say it's kind of funny.

2. Resident evil is not afraid of showing when creeps are creeps.

I’d be more willing to buy the theory that Wesker is a creep if the games were unwilling to show actual creepy behavior and it was left to subtext.

Enter stage left: Brian fuckin irons. He’s a grade A creep.

Claire can find this in a letter in RE2 in the english localization

“​​Mr.Irons had been arrested under suspicion of rape on two separate counts during his years as a university student”

There’s also the implication that he uses his connections with umbrella to get away with violence against women/ killing women.

In resident evil outbreak, this file is revealed-

“It is said that groans can be heard from the drainage system at night.

It is easy to dismiss it as a ghost story that middle school students love to talk about on camping nights. But the amount of missing people has increased rapidly at this locale for the past month.

8 people have gone missing. Strangely, the missing people have a lot in common: They are all single white females aged 18 to 23 with beautiful blonde hair.

The street was wrapped in a dense fog the day after they went missing. From the sewer drain, which runs north-south along the street, a woman's constrained voice could be heard for several hours.

Of course, the drainage sewers have been thoroughly investigated. But neither the missing person nor any traces have been found.”

Irons has a taxidermy room that he can access the sewers through. What an unfortunate coincidence, right? Oh… but that could have been anyone, right? It’s not as if the mayor’s daughter that he tries to taxidermy during the outbreak is also 18 to 23 with beautiful blonde hair or anything.

3. In contrast, Wesker is shown to display no sexually predatory or even sexually reciprocal behaviors even when pushed

For one, he does hire two women for an elite task force when it’s still likely uncommon to do so. For two, neither woman seemed uncomfortable with him before the betrayal. Jill specifically seems to trust him very much in her interactions pre-betrayal. That’s probably because he never gave her a reason not to.

On Jill being used as his super-weapon, well she launched him out a window and she had antibodies he wanted so it makes sense. People act as if he put her in a sexual outfit but she’s just wearing a matching skintight suit to his. She also wears a cape and cloak until she fights, and her suit is zipped up all the way, only revealing her chest when the fight commences in which you need to remove it from her.

The only two times Wesker has been flirted with on-screen is by Ada in the Re4make’s DLC separate ways and in RE5 by Excella. I only bring up the separate ways one because I've seen people bring it up before but I honestly don’t really think it’s anything of interest. That’s how Ada is. But it also kind of shows how Wesker is. He is to the point and not very interested in anything she may have been offering, seriously or otherwise.

With Excella, he was physically disgusted by her advances and rejected them blatantly. To be honest, these are not complete indications of his character outside of a high pressure situation, but when a character is flirty or sexual we know it. Capcom is not shy. Capcom would have made Wesker a freak if they wanted to, but they didn’t. It can only be assumed that his encounter with Ms. Muller was consensual (if misguided on her part bc wtf) even if I don’t really subscribe to Re6.

Finally, kind of bringing it back around to one of the first points of this section, he works with women pretty damn often. Usually male predators towards women don’t really see their worth or see them as ‘equal’ because of their sex-oriented mindset but he regularly works with Ada, hired two women for his team in a very male dominated R.P.D, and even into RE5 he works with a woman until he discards her. But that’s not a statement in of itself since he readily discards literally everyone, regardless of gender. Bro works towards equality… by that I mean equally killing everyone with no discrimination. Regardless he ends up often relying on women to help him get to his goals.

So yeah he’s a fucked up evil mastermind and he’s every bit as evil as he’s potrayed to be… just not like that imo. I want to hear everyone's opinions if they have different ones. I like being fully informed on my topics even if it's contrary information

[doctor-cowboy]

Just got around to watching Holly's Chronicles of Benry stream. It's great and everything I wanted. I love viewing it through the lens of it being Benrey's personal playing-with-dolls recreation of his fantasized life, where he imagines himself to be a relatable Normal Person who can be sympathized with because his life has been sooo hard (and normal). Favorite moments along with my interpretation of them: -The introduction of Emmet Calhoun. I love characters that barely exist and Emmet is no exception. I think we should let him be real -When Benrey is talking about the boss battle, he calls Xen his home -He talks about getting shot with the "Gordon gun" and being killed, and then says "I never forgive him, and he's my best friend, so I gotta forgive him". He's still mad about what happened but he likes Gordon enough that he "has to" forgive him -After his death, he is trapped in gm_construct and not allowed to leave -Constantly talking about how happy he is, how he doesn't have any friends but it's ok, how he's dead but it's ok, and how he can do anything he wants. From the perspective of this being his fantasy world, (and with all context), it can be assumed the opposite is true -Everyone in his fantasy perceives him as very funny, smart, kind, and helpful. I think the whole section with the cow friend says a lot about how Benrey sees himself in relation to others- mostly about how he thinks others should see him -^He tells the cow that he can do "bad stuff" with his powers. She responds by saying everyone is capable of good and evil, and that she thinks Benrey is good. Despite everything, Benrey wants to be a good person, or at least perceived as one -^After saying this, Benrey says that she reminds him of his friend Tommy. The cow then says "he sounds like a fine man, and its really cool when you know him." Benrey and Tommy are best friends -When he was on the phone with Dr. Coomer or Emmet, he insulted them once or twice. They responded by laughing. Could be interpreted that when he's being randomly mean to someone, he thinks he's being funny rather than an asshole -Claims now that he has died, he can't die ever again -Every part with Gordon is important. Gordon's 2 roles in this are being a damsel in distress- with a high-pitch voice and everything-begging Benrey to help him (which he does, because he's so nice and cool), or Gordon talking about how happy and proud they all are of Benrey's performance in "the videos" -^Gordon tells Benrey he's not mad about the "arm stuff" anymore because he has his arm back now. Benrey wants Gordon to forgive him too, and thinks he deserves forgiveness because of the perceived impermanence of what he did. It *is* hypocritical, since Benrey is still mad at Gordon for killing him, despite him being "alive" now -Overall implication that Benrey is not only self-aware as an AI but self-aware as a show character. Talks about "the videos" a lot. If you couple it with the idea that Gordon was streaming the game in-universe to justin.tv, I think that could be really interesting

Conclusion: I love to take a joke so real and serious. This stream is only tangentially related to canon, but in a comedy series, "canon" means a lot less. Which means that anything about it can be real if you want it to be. Or not. But I enjoyed the stream and thinking really hard about it, and I encourage everyone who hasn't watched it yet to check it out!!!