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keelywolfe · 4 years ago

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FIC: The Rose and the Thorn: Chapter 9 (Mafia AU)

Summary: While Rus is off meeting the other employees of Edge's business, Blue has his own business to attend to.

Notes: Oh, how to warn for this. Red is Not a Nice Man, no, and Blue is in way over his pretty little head. Hints of coercive sex? Nothing Mature-rated in this chapter, though.

Tags: Spicyhoney, Cherryberry, Mafia AU, Flower Shop AU, Violence, First Meetings

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Read it here!

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As much as it pained him to watch his brother go, when Papy turned around to look at him Blue waved him impatiently on, painfully ignoring how much that strangely vulnerable glance reminded him of the long-ago first day he’d shooed his little brother into the small schoolhouse back in Snowdin.

What he really wanted was to scoop Papy up like he was still that small child and run, to carry him away from all this. Whatever that chat last night with the younger Fell was about, it confirmed his suspicions that his little brother was in far deeper than he’d hoped, and for the moment, all Blue could do was hope Papy was treading water.

Across the table, Red was watching him and despite that ever-present grin, his expression was unreadable as a blank page. Blue made a show of wiping his face with his napkin and pushing his plate aside. What little he’d eaten was churning uneasily as it incorporated with his magic until nausea threatened. Resolutely, Blue swallowed it down. He’d agreed to this, now he needed to see it through to the end.

“you done?” Red asked with mocking solicitousness.

“Yes,” Blue said. He let his starry eye lights glimmer, his own mocking buried beneath honeyed sweetness as he said, “Thank you so much for the breakfast. It was certainly—” He paused only briefly, then added, “generous of you.”

That razor grin widened, sharp enough to cut through bone, and Blue suspected his true emotions weren’t as buried as he’d hope. “oh, honey,” Red chuckled, “we ain’t even got to generous yet.” He stood up, groaning through a joint-cracking stretch and scratched lewdly at the back of his pelvis. “okay, baby blue, let’s go.”

Red led the way to the door and held it open, bowing exaggeratedly, “after you.”

“I don’t know where we’re going,” Blue protested, hanging back.

Another sharp grin, but the humor crumbled around it, those marrow-red eye lights going hard, “uh huh. go through the fucking door.”

Blue dropped his gaze and went. One of the Dogs who seemed to proliferate this place was waiting and he led the way, Blue nearly trotting along behind him to keep up with Red sauntering along behind him, his bulk filling in any space to retreat. Blue was well accustomed to being the shortest adult person in a room, but never had he felt so small, surrounded by all these Dogs and the sheer presence of Red, of these endless hallways closing in claustrophobically around him. He kept his gaze towards the floor, following the Dog’s flowing tail more than his stride.

The room he was led to was lit with hanging purple lights and filled with short tables topped with shallow plant trays. The rich smell of soil was familiar and for the first time in some while it did nothing to settle Blue’s anxiety, actually increased it. He shivered, feeling sweat breaking out beneath his unwanted new shirt as he covered his mouth briefly with his hand as nausea threatened again.

Red didn’t seem to notice his reluctance. He looked at the room with satisfaction, taking a puff off his smoldering cigar as he said, “not bad for a starter set. got everything you asked for.” He slanted a narrow look at Blue and it was far more appraising than it had been of the planting tables. “now. show me what you got.”

“You shouldn’t smoke in here,” Blue said thinly. “It’s bad for the plants.”

“always something with you, isn’t it, honey,” Red drawled. But he exaggeratedly tamped out his cigar on the bottom of his shoe and tucked it into his jacket pocket.

Blue didn’t dare look at him again, afraid it might come off as gloating. Instead, he stepped further inside, rolling up his sleeves as he inspected the offerings. The tools were all new, stainless steel reflecting violet light, and there was a pair of flower-patterned gloves along with them. Blue slipped them on, wondering sourly if there was a joke in that choice or if it was simply the first gloves whoever purchased all this found.

Squeezing a handful of soil into a moist ball confirmed it was the correct ratio of sand, silt, and clay, with a healthy dollop of manure that he could smell. Exactly what he needed; he could urge the plants to grow but that growth still needed nutrients and sunshine, or in this case grow lights. Blue took a moment to dig an even trench from one end of the tray to the other. Then he took a shaky breath as he chose the last needed element.

The seeds were his own, retrieved from the fire safe secreted away in his room. Not that he expected anyone to break into their home in search of them, but they were invaluable, irreplaceable. He couldn’t chance them being lost.

He poured out a small handful of precious seeds and sprinkled them into the rich soil, carefully covering them.

There was only one step left. Blue held a hand over the soil and closed his eyes, calling up his magic. Urging plants to grow was like a dance and Blue was leading, pulling that growth gently in the direction it needed to go, urging and coaxing those curling green buds through the soil, guiding as they greedily sought out the light above them even as their roots soaked up the delicious nutrients beneath. All down the row the narrow green stems broadened, forking into leaves as the bud formed and swelled, that glimmer of gold bursting out into the familiar pattern of five silky petals.

Blue closed his fist and broke the connection before he pushed them too far into withering, stepping back and panting out, “There.”

The entire tray was filled to overflowing with golden flowers, the color muted beneath the grow lights. It hardly mattered, it wasn’t for their appearance that Blue grew them and as Red stepped forward to poke at one with a broad, cracked finger, his eye lights gleamed greedily.

“not bad, baby blue,” he breathed out, “you got some real talent, dontcha.”

“So I’ve been told,” Blue muttered. He stripped off the gloves and pulled out his handkerchief, dabbing away the sweat dotting his forehead. “What are you planning on doing with them?”

“am i lettin’ you in on all my secrets now, honey,” Red asked, amused. He brushed a hand over the flower heads, sending them bobbling. “can’t imagine why you haven’t been growin’ ‘em all along. hell, even a little weed woulda gotten ya more capital than your pretty posies.”

“Whether or not I wanted to, I couldn’t,” Blue said shortly. “Cannabis isn’t legal for Monsters to grow.” Not that he suspected that would even slow someone like the Fell brothers down, but Blue had his own standards of business, ones that he was currently watching burn away with depressing haste. “Besides, these aren’t a drug, the euphoria is very temporary.”

Red snorted loudly. “all euphoria’s temporary, ’s the best thing about it. see, humies got this thing ‘bout not trusting drugs. but somethin’ homegrown like this? they’ll be all over it, honey, and they’ll bring the bills to pay for it, too, you watch.”

“You really think Humans will like tea better than the flowers?” Blue said doubtfully. Even for most Monsters, Golden Flower tea was something of an acquired taste. Certainly it brought on a sort of blissful relaxation, made all the more potent by Blue’s growing technique, but it was very limited. Even at the finest quality, the faint rush hardly lasted an hour.

“i know so.” Red reached out and tapped Blue’s nasal ridge with one finger, the sharpened tip prickling faintly against the bone. “all it needs ’s a market and that’s my job, honey. all you gotta to do is grow it.”

As if it was that simple. “If I spend all my time growing golden flowers, I won’t have time for my garden.”

“don’t you go worrying about that,” Red said dismissively. He started to walk away, out of the room, as if all this were signed and settled, leaving Blue behind, to what, fill each of these trays and trust it would all work out? Not likely.

“Our deal was you help me keep my shop,” Blue raised his voice, let it echo through the room, “You promised!”

Red stopped, slowly turning back to face him and suddenly Blue wasn’t sure that was what he actually wanted. He strode back and he wasn’t that much taller than Blue, but so much broader, looming over him with invisible height as he said, evenly, “so i did.” There was a folding chair by the table and as Red sat, Blue could only blink at the abrupt reversal in size. “you think i ain’t keeping my side of the bargain, honey? wanna file a complaint?”

“No,” Blue said bluntly, ignoring the desperate flutter of his soul, “what I think is we need to renegotiate terms.”

Red looked at him with hooded sockets. “do ya now.”

“I do.” Blue folded his arms over his chest, the bright material of his shirt muted in the artificial light, shifting it to flowers of a different color. “Things seem to have changed since our first discussion. For example, what is your brother doing to mine?”

The question bothered him, Blue could see it, a banked flicker of heat in those burning eye lights. That sign was the only one, none of his irritation showed in the way he sank down in the chair, spreading his broad legs wide.

“tell ya what, baby blue. you come over here and blow me,” Red cupped a rough hand at the slight bulge of his crotch and squeezed. “and i’ll find out.”

Oh. Blue jerked his gaze away a little too late, his breath coming in panicked little blurts even as his eye lights slid betrayingly back. Not that he would even consider doing such a thing, he would never—but he hadn’t forgotten the brief satisfaction of wiping away that smirk back at the shop.

Did Red actually want…?

There was a faint gleam of sweat on the cracked dome of Red’s skull, the room was warm from the lights, true, but that didn’t explain the slight flush on his cheekbones, the rising glow coming from beneath the crude grip of his hand and those eye lights were so greedily eager, so…so…

Blue lifted his chin and said coolly, “I don’t barter with my body. If you want oral sex from me, you'll need to get it the old-fashioned way.”

There was a mere taste of gratification from the way Red blinked, startled. “how’s that?” Red asked. He sounded reluctantly intrigued.

“By going first.”

As he watched, that smirk shifted into a true grin, savagely amused. Red pounded a fist on the table and laughed. “honey, you are something.” Then he ran his tongue over his teeth, leaving them shining and wet as they tip dipped in between the jagged edges. “all right. come over and spread ‘em, and i’ll show ya what i got.”

For one moment of pure insanity, Blue was honestly tempted; it already felt like he was caught in the swirling vortex of a drain and it would be so, so much easier to simply dive it and give over to the pull. It was the memory of his brother’s face, his uncertain fear this morning that held him back and Blue clung to it, his last bastion of morality as he said, evenly, “No, I don’t think so.”

That smile fell away. “no?”

“You told me yourself you don’t like to mix business and pleasure,” Blue reminded him. “and our business isn’t yet concluded.”

“no, it ain’t, heh.” Red shook his head and stood. “get to work, i’ll stop back later, see how you’re doing. mebbe we’ll chat more about your deal, then.” Before Blue could move, his chin was pinched gently between two sharpened fingers, his face tilted up and Red’s eye lights roved over his face, studying him. It did not escape his notice that gaze lingered over his mouth. The smell of tobacco on Red’s breath was sharp, bitter as he murmured, “i’m gonna look forward to wreckin’ you, baby blue.”

Then he let go and turned away, his boots heavy on the floor as he headed towards the door. Blue waited until Red was nearly to it before he called, “We’ll have to see about that, won’t we.”

Blue only wished he were anywhere near as confident as he sounded.

His own raucous laughter followed Red out the door and when it closed, Blue sank to the floor, covering his face with his hands and wished again that he could simply grab his brother and run, get them both as far away from this place as possible.

Then he wiped his eyes impatiently and stood, reaching again for the gardening gloves. The simple option was no longer available. All he could do now was try to keep up and hope that he could get his brother out mostly unscathed.

If only he knew how scathed Papy already was. That was a question for tonight. For now, Blue had work to do and he started sowing seeds even as he struggled to ignore a different sort of growth, the aching worry take root in his very soul.

tbc

#cherryberry #spicyhoney #keelywolfe #underfell #underswap #underswap sans #underfell sans #mafia au

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restingpout · 5 years ago

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💝 💝 💝 💝 💝 💝 💝 💝 💝 💝

terri @penspelled @quarterwitched is the one person on this blog I’ve known the longest and I could not love her more. every single one of her muses is well written and she’s always enthusiastic about writing and loves to scream about plots and she’s just the most supportive, greatest friend and i’m so happy we found each other again!

sam @ofblackhearts @tenebriselecti is one of those people where i could write against literally any muse they chose to write. we’ve been friends for a while now and i always feel like there’s more chemistry IN character with the people who I can talk to OUT of character as well and we can cry about posie or talk tv shows and i love that for us!!

tessa @nosestealer duplicate muses or even face claims can be stressful but LISTEN tessa makes it so effortless and easy to write josie and lou ellen into the same universe and it’s honestly impressive how much thought she put into not only the character, but how she would fit into different universes, even legacies where she has a doppelganger in josie. she’s one of the easiest people to talk to and she gets me thinking about different parts of my muses lives that otherwise wouldn’t cross my mind which is GREAT for development!

ashley @teendracula @mikaelsonbled somehow writes her muses perfectly. i definitely have mixed feelings about how legacies went with sebastian’s character but let me tell you, ashley more than makes up for that crappy writing with her portrayal of our favorite tortured vampire soul. i’m honestly so freaking impressed how ashley can write her muses SO FREAKING WELL even in the shortest interactions. aaand she’s cool people so. honestly ashley could write my least favorite character ever and i’d still stan.

hales @jadedvampiress quickly became one of my favorite people on this website and i don’t even know how it happened. we can jump from a conversation screaming about josie/jade/legacies/whatever to talking about random tv shows or whatever’s happening in our lives and it makes our friendship seem so effortless?? which is always a breath of fresh air. her jade is on point and i can like. actually hear jade’s voice when she writes on her blog and i love that. i pretty much stalk all of her threads but it’s fine. it’s fineeeee.

riot @chaosvibes is one of those people who impresses me every single day with how many characters they write and write well. i’ll be the first to admit that there are a LOT of characters that i can’t write well. (can i write josie well? debatable!) but every single character on riot’s blog/s are beautifully written and you can tell they care a lot about the characters they write. we haven’t written much YET but i lovelovelove riot. definitely recommend following!

dysney @hcllhnd @sltzvamp honestly i was always a little intimidated by how different and REALLY FREAKING COOL dysney’s interpretation of alaric was since he’s very au but still… very alaric. that’s hard to do and super impressive. we stan. then there’s alex. oooh alex. i love his relationship with josie already. and josie kind of likes her hellhound boyfriend. i’ll probably follow any blog of dysney’s i come across forever just because their characterization is always so well thought out and well written and amazing!!

sunshine @avisplumis is probably the person i’ve known for the least amount of time (we only followed each other days ago but idk what took us so long tbh!!) but it feels like we’ve known each other forever?? sunshine is… exactly what their alias suggests. actual sunshine. the type of person i can scream and cry over ships and headcanon relationships with and i could honestly write josie with any of their muses so that’s always a plus!

claudia @hybredtm @hvretica @ghovlish is another person i’ve kind of known here and there over my years in indie rp. i actually followed & wrote with klaus on my lizzie account that i had like. before legacies started into the early part of season one and i remember always thinking her interpretation of klaus was sososo good and honestly?? klaus is one of those characters that i think is SUPER hard to write (i could never!!) so props to claudia for writing him so well. her valerie is amazing too and she was quick to jump on the jade salvatore-tulle crazy train with me so that’s fun.

jennifer @naturesloopholed @geminiloopholed is the type of person i admire for how much she just… loves her characters, and it really shows. like you can tell just from reading (stalking?) her interactions how much she cares about her muses and that’s a quality i definitely admire. lizzie is another character that’s very hard to write and she handles the character so well, and her hope is very well written too. jennifer is just a nice person to talk to and puts as much love into other people’s muses as her own which i adore!!

#penspelled #ofblackhearts #nosestealer #teendracula #jadedvampiress #chaosvibes #hcllhnd #avisplumis #hybredtm #naturesloopholed #( ooc )#/ this meme is going to be the death of me #/ 9 more to go!#anonymous

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taliasburns · 6 years ago

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Omg I need those head canons for that Hizzie/poise road trip thing you were talking about soooo pls :)

YAS (okay so this started out as random headcanons and it ended up with very specific ones and me almost writing a fanfic even though i cant WRITE)

POSIE / HIZZIE ROADTRIP

(in this authe merge is not a thing (FUCK THAT) and penelope broke up with josie purely bcshe felt that with her and lizzie josie just didnt have any time to think aboutherself or take time for herself. She didn’t want to make josie choose betweenher and lizzie) (also lizzie and hope are totally into each other, hope is just an oblivious gay and LIZZIE KEEPS THROWING HINTS)

Okayso like penelope and hope are the only ones with a drivers license so they arethe ones driving

Hopeand Penelope are best friends and like they talk a lot and hope totally knowsthat Penelope had her reasons for breaking up with josie (and she just w a nts them back TOGETHER)

Hopeand lizzie totally have the hots for each other they just show it by constantlybickering. Penelope knew hope was into lizzie before hope herself knew (scratchthat hope is still denying she’s into lizzie)

Whenthey get into the car the first thing Penelope says is that no one is allowedto touch the aux cord when shes driving if they don’t want to die a painful andslow death.

Hopetries it anyway and she ends up banging her head against the dashboard (Penelope:“whoops accident, i thought that light was red (theres no traffic light insight)

Thenext day josie grabs penelope’s phoneand puts on a song she likes (and starts singing). Penelope does nothing, onlysmiles. In the backseat hope just sits there gaping at josie (bc Penelope neverever ever lets anyone choose the music when she drives)

Thefirst 2 days hope and lizzie just keep bickering every single time they’retogether on the backseats. The 3rd day they’re quiet. When Penelope looksin her rear view mirror she sees lizzie sleeping on hope’s shoulder. Hope’sface is just pure panic LIZZIE FUCKING SALTZMAN IS SLEEPING ON HER SHOULDER. (penelope mouths “ g a y” to her in the rear view mirrow)

Afterthat day lizzie warms up to hope. They crack jokes and hope starts explainingthe vines she and Penelope made to lizzie. (Penelope yelling from the frontseat: “HOPE DID YOU HAVE TO SHOW THAT ONE).

Whenhope drives and lizzie is in the front seat Penelope and josie are in thebackseats. Those hours are usually filled with glancing at each other andawkward conversation about the views. (untillizzie just points out that they need to stop talking about fucking rocks andtrees)

Dueto the 4 of them spending a lot of time together Penelope and lizzie eventuallywarm up to each other a bit (….. read: they don’t hate each other anymore,this might have something to do with Penelope saving lizzie from a vampireencounter in one of the cities they stay in)

Twoweeks into their month long road trip (and 4 days after pen has saved lizzie)lizzie tells hope and Penelope to go do smth fun (“hope, pen, go make vines orsomething. Josie and i need a sister bonding day).

Sheand josie go out for ice cream and at some point they end up talking aboutlizzie and hope. (“honestly josie, she might be the almighty tribrid but thatgirl is blind. I have been FLIRTING WITH HER FOR AGES)

Afterthat conversation lizzie tentatively starts talking about josie and pen. She knowsjosie is still very much hurt over penelope breaking up with her. (“i know you’rehurt josie, but like, i don’t think she herself wanted to do it. That girl isclearly still in love with you)

Andat the next motel they sleep at lizzie (being the most amazing meddling sisterever) just grabs (a very dumbfounded and confused) hope and yells at penelopeand josie that they’re sharing a room tonight

Josiekinda knew this was coming so she isn’t very surprised. Penelope however lookslike a freaking deer in headlights (josie secretly thinks its cute) andstammers that she’ll just sleep on the floor.

Whenthey’re both ready for bed penelope grabs a pillow and a blanket and preparesto actually sleep on the floor. Josie tells her she can just sleep on the bed(pen: “are you sure josie, i don’t want to make you feel uncomf-. Josie: pennyjust get in bed)

Ofc.They wake up completely tangled up together and its really fucking awkward. Evenhope and lizzie can sense the awkwardness radiating from them. (hope: what didyou do pen, ended up grabbing her boob while sleeping?) (penelope ends upalmost choking on her coffee; josie just blushes)

Afterthat night hope and lizzie end up rooming together every time they sleepsomewhere. (i say “sleeping”, but hope finally grew some balls and kissedlizzie so they haven’t been doing much sleeping lately)

Penand josie end up having to room up together and for 3 nights they try differentthings to avoid ending up tangled together…. and every single one of themfails.

Bythe 4th night josie is just like fuck it. She just grabs penelopeand falls asleep holding her (“jesus pen, its not as if we wont end up wakingup spooning each other” ) (she tells herself its just because itll happenanyway, she kinda knows she just wants to hold penelope)

Dueto circumstances penelope and hope end up having a heart to heart together (at3am in the fuckign morning bc why not)

Pensays she totally knows hope and lizzie have been having sex behind their backs(“yesterday i came to bring you two some of the snacks josie and i bought and you had this huge hickey on your neck, doeslizzie have a biting kink or something???”)

Hopeis totally mortified but also proud. She asks penelope not to tell josie yetbecause lizzie wants to do that.

Theyend up talking about josie and penelope tells hope they have spent the last 3nights cuddled up together. Hope tells her that that means something. Pen saysshes just doing it out of habit. After that she tells hope shes tired and shewalks away

Hopeknows penelope broke up with josie because she was afraid josie would hurt herby choosing her sister over her. (she also knows penelope decided that instead of josie breaking her heart she would do it herself)

Afterthis conversation the 3 girls notice that penelope gets really closed off. She venturesout all by herself. Puts all her walls back up doesn’t really talk. She evenbooks the new rooms in the hotels and makes sure she and josie never have toshare a bed. (hell lizzie tries to rile her up, to get anything out of her buteven teasing her doesn’t work) (hope asked about it at some point but penelopeblew her off making a mean comment about her family (penelope knew that was theonly way to get hope to stop asking questions, she feels extremely bad aboutusing hope’s family against her)

Eventuallylizzie is the one to break through penelope’s walls (“penelope, my dad is Alaricsaltzman, i know how it feels like when people just keep choosing anything andeverything but you)

Penelopefinally admits she’s just terrified of getting hurt again. Lizzie just whacksher against the head and tells her she’s an idiot. (penelope park, have younever learned that COMMUNICATION is key in a relationship???? Just talk to her,josie would never leave you)

Evenafter this conversation it still takes penelope a while to muster up thecourage to talk to josie about it. (josie has been dying to talk to penelopebut she knows pen needs some more time)

Eventually,the night before they’re scheduled to be back at the Salvatore school josiewakes up in the middle of the night to find penelopes bed empty. She looks through the window of the motel andsees penelope sitting on the curb looking at the sky

Josieends up bringing a blanket to her (i don’t want you to catch a cold). She movesto go back inside but penelope grabs her hand and asks her to sit with her.

Theyend up talking and penelope explains the entire story to her. Starting with herparents and her feeling like her parents chose having a normal life over her,to her being afraid of josie choosing lizzie over her. That she broke up withjosie to avoid getting her heart broken by her (still ending up breaking herown heart in the process). She tells josie how much she loves her (how much shestill loves her)

Andjosie tells penelope she wishes pen would’ve talked to her. How shes takingmore time for herself now. And she tells penelope that she missed her so much(and that no, she doesn’t hate her at all. Quite the opposite actually). (“ilove you so much penny, don’t ever forget that).

Inthe mean while it ended up raining so they’re just sitting there holding eachother. Eventually josie gets up and tells pen to come inside. When she startsto walk away pen spins her back and she kisses her (they end up making out fora solid 5 minutes and the rain is still pouring the fuck down so by now they’reboth soaked).

Whenthey get back into the room they both quietly change out of their wet clothes into some dry ones. They both have amoment where they just stand at their own beds, until penelope just grabsjosies hand and tugs them both down on her bed. (josie lets penelope be the big spoon this time)

Inthe morning the girls get their stuff together and get into the car for thelast few hours of their roadtrip. Hope and lizzie have no clue about whathappened with josie and penelope the night before. (they find out when josie grabs her hand and proceeds to hold it till they arrive at the school, in the rear view mirror penelope can see bothhope and lizzie smiling knowingly when josie first grabs her hand)

(hopewhispering in penelopes ear “now we can finally make that: i love you bitch, i aint ever gonna stop loving you, bitch vine”)

#legacies #hizzie #posie #so this kinda got out of hand #thats 1.7k of hc for u #roadtrip au #anonymous #answered #my hcs

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shittyelfwriter · 7 years ago

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Ya girl Dani is v tired but has decided on which scenario! Ahem! Both Bernard and Elle have the flower petal vomit thing due to unrequited love for each other, but don't realize it. One of them (I'll let you decide which of them) decides to get it surgically removed; the other one realizes it's for the other part of Bernelle and rushes to tell them. But it's too late, the surgery has finished and the petals are gone--along with the romantic feelings for the realizer. (i reasearched tf out of it)

Warnings: angst for the sake of angst. There isn’t a happy ending to this one, guys. It’s very bittersweet. Not a happy version of this au, but Dani was specific! Maybe I can do a version with a happy ending sometime, but for now, here’s 5k of bernelle pain and unresolved feelings. Also apologies if it’s rough, I’m still getting back into the swing of things asjjdkshl

Some mood music to listen to while you read:

AlmostIs Never Enough —Ariana Grande ft. Nathan Sykes

You Don’t Know Me by Michael Buble

AU description:

Hanahaki Disease (花吐き病 (Japanese); 하나하키병(Korean); 花吐病 (Chinese))is a fictional disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they sufferfrom one-sided love. It ends when the beloved returns their feelings (romanticlove only; strong friendship is not enough), or when the victim dies. It can becured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the victim’sromantic feelings for their love also disappear.

One thing was certain: Elle knew thiswasn’t how flowers were supposed to work.

They came in bouquets and posies and corsagesand arrangements, they grew in gardens and window boxes and out from thesidewalk when you least expected them. They were something happy, andbeautiful, and bright.

Not something to dread, because theyweren’t supposed to grow out from your lungs when you couldn’t find a way totell your friend that you were in love with him.

She wasn’t sure when it had started. Infact, she suspected it had begun because of hissituation. They’d been walking towork together one morning, chatting and having a conversation about something funny BuddyClaus had done the day before. Elle couldn’t help but laugh, and that’swhen it happened. Bernard had been smiling, but the next moment he was coughinginto his fist.

“You okay?” She’d asked, clueless to whatwas happening, unaware of what happened to those who felt a little too much forsomeone they shouldn’t. He’d straightened, staring at something in his hand fora moment before slipping his hand into his pocket and continuing on their way.

“Yeah, absolutely fine.” He’d smiled at heragain, but he seemed troubled, almost pained somehow. The subject had droppedfor the time being, seeing as Elle didn’t like to pry.

But the cough didn’t seem to go away. Hemade the excuse that he had probably caught some sort of cold—unlikely, for anelf, but not completely unheard of. Elle worried about him and kept an eye onhim in order to help in any way she could. It was that same vigilance thateventually led her to understand what was happening.

Petals in the trash can in his office. Thescent of flowers always lingering on him. He’d caught what she’d heard Cupidcall in its simplest form lovesickness, and as soon as she’d realized that, atiny seed of jealousy sprang up in her heart. Or was it jealousy? Because itdidn’t feel sour and angry, but rather, longing. An ache blooming in her chest when she sawhim try to hide his affliction.

Maybe it wasn’t surprising then when shebegan to cough up petals of her own. She wasn’t sure when or how it had shiftedfrom friendly concern to a pain in her heart when she thought of him sufferingfor want of someone else. And the most terrible part of it all was realizingthat she dreaded the day he arrived to work with lungs free of flowers, becausethat would be the day that he had finally confessed his feelings. The day she’dofficially lose her chance forever—a chance she was too afraid to take in thefirst place.

It was stupid, Elle decided one morningwhen, after breakfast, she found herself coughing up rose petals into thekitchen sink. Why should he feel so alone in his situation? Clearly he thoughthe needed to hide it—which made sense, since if the lovesickness went untreatedyou could in theory die from it.Maybe he didn’t want to show weakness. But the ache in Elle’s chest when shesaw him looking sad, when he didn’t realize she was watching, tore her heart topieces more than the problem in her own chest, and her silence had to bebroken.

“It’s okay, you know.” It was a quietThursday evening, the workshop was slow and they were both in his officetogether sorting out invoices and inter-departmental memos. He looked up, mouthstill hidden by a handkerchief after yet another coughing fit. She could hearthe wheeze in his lungs, a sure sign of the disease’s progression. He wasfurther along than she was. He looked mildly confused, but also as if afraidhe’d been caught. She was quiet, sliding the trashcan towards him. “I know.”

“What? I don’t…” He watched as Elle turnedher pockets out, an array of softly colored petals falling into her lap. Sheoffered him a small, bittersweet smile, and his heart broke a little as herealized what she was trying to say.

“Takes one to know one, right?” She saidwith a slight laugh. Now that he listened, he could hear the telltale gratebehind her voice that betrayed her condition. “It’s not anything to be ashamedof, really. They say love is beautiful, right? Even if it is tearing you apartinside—quite literally.”

Shehad it too. She had it too, his mind kept chanting at him, as if it meantsomething good for him. A slight bit of hope sprouted in his chest.

“How did you…I mean, you’ve done a betterjob hiding it than me,” he admitted sheepishly. She chuckled, and he watchedher scoop the petals into the trash. What a fitting metaphor for theirsituation: wasted potential, to love for nothing. “How long?”

“Oh about a month now. Not as long as you,but not by much. Did you know,” Elle said with a laugh, “that at first Ithought it was contagious? That I’d caught it from you. I had to read up on itto realize that it doesn’t work that way.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault—“

“No, Elle.” Bernard reached over and set ahand on top of hers. There was a moment of heavy silence between them, and thenhe continued. “I shouldn’t have tried to hide it from you. We’re a team, youand I. We shouldn’t keep secrets like this, not big, life threatening ones atleast, not from each other. And even worse, I made you feel like you needed tokeep yours a secret too.”

“Forget it.” She gave his hand a gentlesqueeze, unable to meet his eyes for the fluttering she couldn’t stop in herchest. “We know now, that’s all that matters.”

He smiled, and she finally got control of heremotions enough to look him in the face. His eyes were warm, kind. She felt amiserable hollowness in her stomach at the thought that his love was already sostrong for someone that it manifested physically. God, she wished that were her. “No more secrets, okay?” He said,and she swallowed her feelings down before replying.

“Yeah, no more secrets B.” No more secrets, except that I love you.

It was so much worse after that, because hewas so much kinder and more caring for knowing she was ill too. He made effortsto check in with her more often, to make sure she was taking care of herself.He was the one who made sure she went to see Hismus so that she could get allthe help she could. She made sure he did the same. But pills could only do somuch to help the garden growing in their lungs, or what was growing in theirhearts.

Every day, Elle choked on the confessionshe wanted to make. But the timing was never right, or she’d see him speakingwith another elf and reality would strike her like a slap to the face. It wasn’t her. He was in love, and itwasn’t with her. He had been the one to say no more secrets, right? If he’dfelt anything for her he’d have said it then.

She just wished it were easier to stopfeeling the way she did for him. Because every little smile and every littlesideways glance and every passing touch left her hunched over the sink when shegot home, coughing for hours and crying with anger at her own stupidity. Cryingbecause she hated her own stupid broken heart.

It was two and a half months later that thegrowth had spread throughout both of their lungs. The secret was officially outnow, for both of them. Elle’s condition had progressed more quickly than hisand was near surpassing Bernard’s in severity. Quentin and Curtis had teamed upunder Santa’s orders to run the workshop until Bernard and Elle figured outwhat to do. It was late, past 1 am, and she was sitting in his house, on hiscouch in a mostly dark living room.

“I’m going to do it,” she told him, theache in her chest feeling empty in spite of the blooms she knew were trying toclaw their way out. She didn’t have to explain, he knew what she meant. “I…Ican’t take it, anymore. It’s too much. It’s not even what’s in my chest, it’s…”she trailed off, coughing. He passed her a tissue; by the time she’d stoppedcoughing, it was speckled with blood. “It’s what’s in my heart. The weight ofit makes me wish I was dead.”

“Don’t say that.” Hearing her say that somatter-of-factly tore at Bernard’s conscience. If he’d told her by now, maybe she wouldn’t feel this way. Thenagain, maybe if he’d told her, she wouldn’t be sitting next to him either. Thatwas what had been keeping him silent:the fear of losing her altogether.

“I know, I know.” Elle gave a shaky sigh. “I’mnot thinking clearly. Hell, I haven’t been thinking clearly for a long timenow.” Her pulse was racing just from sitting beside him, but she still feltthat sense of belonging that toyed with her hopes all too much. “I have to dowhat my head tells me is right. My heart has been in control for too long now,and look what it’s done to me.”

He’d worried she’d say that, dreaded theday it would come to that decision. He’d sworn he’d be brave, that he’d tellher before she had to make such a terrible choice. Maybe even a selfish part ofhim wanted her to have the surgery;if her feelings for whoever she loved were gone, maybe she’d have room in herheart for him, and all he was carrying in his. “That’s one way of looking atit,” he admitted, leaning back and slowing breathing in. It was excruciating,but the slower the better.

“You don’t agree?” He didn’t reply. A noteof desperation came into her voice, a dread. “B…no. Don’t tell me—“

“I don’t think I need to tell you. You seemto already know.” He leaned his head to the side, a gentleness in his gaze. “Idon’t want to let this go, Elle. I’ve never felt something like this forsomeone before…who knows? I might never feel anything like it again. It meanstoo much to me to cut the flowers out and throw away everything I feel withthem.”

“But you know what happens…” she trailed off, her throat tightening as tearsthreatened to spill out of her eyes. She took a deep breath and forced herselfto continue. “You know what happensif you don’t get them removed. If you don’t tell them.”

“If I don’t tell her,” he clarified, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behindher ear. Elle felt her stomach twist bitterly, her cheek leaning subconsciouslytowards his palm. A ghost of a smile crossed his lips. “I know. But Elle.” Hesmiled and she felt the tears spill out and down her cheeks. She could tell bythe feeling of his thoughts that he’d made up his mind as much as she had abouther decision. “I’ve been around long enough. If this is how I go out? Fromloving someone? Then that’s not the worst way to go, now is it?”

She couldn’t find words. Everything wasblurry and her lungs ached and the next thing she knew she was pulledtight against his chest, the sound of his heartbeat against her ear.

“What am I supposed to do?” She sobbed,hiding her face in his shirt. “I—if you’re g-gone what am I supposed to—“

He shushed her, stroking her hair. “Itmight not come to that.”

“But if it does?”

He didn’t reply. Elle knew right then andthere that there was no turning back for her. If he was willing to die for hisfeelings, then she would cut hers out. Because if she didn’t, and he died, thenit wouldn’t be long before she was in the dirt with him.

“You though.” She hadn’t expected him to goon. His voice was low near her ear, comforting and soft. “You’re very young,Elle. You have time to love again if you want to. If you were very brave, you could even tell the onewho’s made you so sick.”

She didn’t reply.

“Do they even know that they’re the reasonyou’re sick, Elle?”

A long pause. “No.”

“Don’t you think they deserve to know?”

She shook her head, the motion sharp andtight. “No, B. He loves someone else.”

“Are you sure?”

“Nearly positive.”

“What if you just told him—“

“It’s not that simple.”

“Why not?” There was a desperateexasperation in his voice. He knew it was going against his best interest toargue for Elle to tell this person how she felt, but his feelings for her made theurge to see her happy, and safe, and loved and well again overrule his own needs. “If you just explained, maybe—“

“B!” Elle pulled away from him, a fieryanger in her eyes he’d never seen from her before in spite of the tears stillstreaming down her face. “He’s more than I deserve,” she said, tremblingly. “Ishouldn’t have dared to feel what I do, and now I’m paying the price for mychoice.” Her shoulders sagged, and she looked down at her lap. “He’d never wantme. Please, just take my word for it.”

It tore at him to let her think somethinglike that, but he knew arguing would just hurt her worse. “Okay,” he conceded,and her body slumped in relief. “But only because I don’t want to stress youeven more by trying to change your mind.”

She leaned back against his shoulder, limpand hopeless. “Thank you,” she whispered, and he nodded. “You know there isn’tanything I wouldn’t do for you,” she said quietly. “But to change my mind onthis is too much. Please forgive me.”

“There’s nothing to forgive, Elle. I’m sorry for making things worse.” She had noidea how much he meant by that.

No more was said that night about thematter, nor in the days that followed. They became less and less functional,but for some reason nearly always found themselves at one another’s places; ifnot one, than the other. Only one day Bernard showed up to her loft and foundit empty.

“Elle?” Worry ran through him, panicbuilding in his pulse even though he knew he shouldn’t let himself. It was badenough that he couldn’t stay away from the girl who would be the end of him,but he had to let the small things bring him closer to that demise? Maybe shewas just out for groceries, but the severity of their situation made him worrytoo much.

He found no sign of Elle, other than asheet of paper and a book on the kitchen counter. The paper was from theelfirmary, he realized, and knew he should stop reading right there. Hisstomach sank when he saw that it was an appointment date—for that day. So shewas finally going through with her decision. He felt sick to his stomach andsat down, scanning the page for more details against his good judgment.

Bernard didn’t know if he should feelrelieved or concerned. Since he didn’t know who she loved, he didn’t know whoto feel sorry for, and he couldn’t help but feel nervous jitters at the thoughtof her maybe, just maybe having roomfor him in her heart when it was over. Maybe she was right, maybe the surgerywas her best option.

But then his eyes glanced down at thecounter and saw the book on the counter. It was a journal, actually; well used,with many of its pages filled—maybe a little less than half of the pages leftuntouched. It had a strap around it, which served to keep it relatively flat. Asoulmates journal, he realized, something that those with lovesickness oftenused to funnel their emotions into one place in case they never got the courageto speak to the object of their affection. Elle’ssoulmate journal. It looked full of secrets; ones that belonged to her andtold what was really inside her heart. He knew he shouldn’t touch it but at thesame time, it was like it called out to him in a language he could only hear.Then again, maybe that was just the ache in his own heart speaking. Unable toresist the urge, he pulled the book closer and removed the strap.

The pages were filled with writing, Elle’s writing. Her distinct handwritingcovered the pages; little doodles in some of the margins, other slips of paperfolded and tucked between the pages along with a wide array of petals of allsizes and colors—and later on, some smaller, complete flowers. His eyes grazedover the pages, almost not daring to read words not meant for him. It made hischest sore, and more than once he had to take a break to cough into his sleeve.

But at last he flipped back to the first pageand found her starting point, an inscription on the inside cover dated early onthat year.

Wow,I really don’t know how to start this.

Notthat I expect you’ll ever lay eyes on these words, since I’m terrified of youeven knowing how I feel. You didn’t ask for this—you love someone else. I seethe signs all over you and it breaks myheart, but that’s not your fault, or your problem. I just hope that maybe, if Iwrite down the things I wish I could say to you every day, this will hurt a littleless and my lungs might give me a little longer before choking me out with myown feelings. A little more time to spend by your side.

Doyou mind if I address my entries to you? I hope not. You’re always the person Igo to first, the only person who makes me feel safe when I speak my mind. Hereare all the things I wish I was brave enough to say to your face, all thethings I bite back when you ask me what I’m thinking.

Her initial was at the bottom of the page,and the entries began on the next. Starting with…with…

DearB,

I’mso sorry, but I’m terribly in love with you.

Bernard looked up, hands shaking, heartstopped in his chest. No, he couldn’t have missed…he couldn’t have missed this,could he? Had he been so blinded by his own fears that he couldn’t see herbeing just as in love with him as he was with her?

The entry went on fromthere, leading into the rest of the journals contents. Day after day ofentries, sometimes multiple entries a day. And then he noticed what the slipsof paper were. A photo of them at last year’s Christmas after party. A ticketstub from the time he’d taken her to the movies. The birthday card he’d givenher that winter. A note he’d left her asking her to make sure she got enoughrest. A few petals of his, glued to the page with the caption, does she know how lucky she is for you tolove her this much? He stared back down at the page, tears stinging hiseyes as they trailed back to her first sentence. Dear B…I’m so sorry, but I’m terribly in love with you…

Next thing he knew he’d sprung to his feet,eyes still blurry with tears and a sob half hanging in his throat. He snatchedthe journal off the table and ran for the door, hoping against hope that itwasn’t too late.

Moments later he appeared outside the elfirmary,bursting into the lobby so winded he was nearly doubled over. Any attempt tohurry nowadays left him short of breath, but that didn’t stop him from hurryingtowards the nearest nurse. “Elle,” He wheezed out, feeling petals at the backof his throat. “Where’s—“

“Bernard?” Her voice. Her voice, but toocalm, too clear. His stomach sank like a stone, his eyes almost refusing tolook up. He slipped the book behind his back and turned to see Elle, standingin the doorway with Dr. Hismus just behind her. “Are you looking for me? What’shappened?”

“You’re…” He couldn’t finish the sentence.He’d spent so long used to seeing love in her eyes but not understanding whatit meant; now that it was gone, her expression seemed all wrong.

And then it hit him. He was the reasonshe’d done this. He was the one she’d been talking about all along. He’s more than I deserve, she’d said. I shouldn’t have dared to feel what I do,and now I’m paying the price for my choice. He’d never want me. Please, justtake my word for it.

This was his fault. Elle’s heart was empty,and it was his fault.

“I’mfine,” she reassured him, coming over and setting a hand on his arm with asmile—but it didn’t read genuine like it should have. “You didn’t think youneeded to come and check on me, did you? I asked Abby to let you know I’d be byonce I was done.”

“I guess I didn’t run into her in time.” Hecouldn’t help but search her face for any signs of her still feeling the wayhe’d read, the way he’d been feeling for her all this time, but…

“Her surgery was a complete success,”Hismus explained with a smile that felt cruel, even though it wasn’t meant tobe. Bernard felt numb to his toes, devoid of any feeling with the sudden senseof overwhelming loss. He’d had everything at his fingertips, for just a moment,and just as quickly, it was gone.

He was too late.

Elle walked him home. She might not havefelt any love for him anymore, but as his friend she still felt obligated tomake sure he got out of the cold safely. There was an emptiness between themthat her small talk couldn’t fill, and he couldn’t bring himself to try and fixit. He was too deep in thought, searching for some way to ask if she reallydidn’t have any of her feelings anymore. It was like he couldn’t fully comprehendthat what he wanted was forever out of his reach, that that hope he’d had ofher finally having room for him in her heart was completely gone.

“How are you feeling?” Bernard asked Elledirectly, maybe a little too directly even. They were on his front porch, snowjust beginning to fall in gentle flurries. Elle took a deep breath of the chillair, her exhale a cloud of steam. A smile crossed her lips, but when she lookedat him there was still that hollowness behind her eyes.

“Like I’m finally thinking clearly for thefirst time in a long time.”

She left him at his own house, alone. Forthe first time in weeks it seemed that she didn’t feel the need to be therewith him. It was only when she’d gone that he realized he was still holding herjournal, surprised that she hadn’t noticed him carrying it. Maybe it justdidn’t matter to her enough anymore to warrant saying anything.

It was too quiet with just him and hisfeelings for company.

The ache in his chest was constant, now. Ifhe’d thought he was heartbroken before it was nothing to the wavering, wiltingsensation crushing him from within. He spent a good portion of the eveningcleaning bloody petals up off of his floor, wondering why he was evenbothering.

But at last, he came back to the journal.He sat on the floor in his living room and read the whole thing from front toback, reliving every moment they’d spent together, every laugh, cherishing everysweet thing she’d wished she’d said aloud but had written down instead. Thelast few entries were wishes, things she despaired she’d never had the courageto do with him, and then apologies, apology after apology for her decision. Thepages were tear stained before he’d read them, but they were much worse forwear after he had. And then he sat, surrounded by petals and tissues, staringat the remaining blank pages spread out before him.

He’d never kept a soulmate journal of hisown, but maybe…maybe he could finish their story.

And so he sat there well into the night,writing replies to the words she’d never said. Penning more moments they’dshared, regrets of his own, words of comfort that she didn’t need anymore.Telling her things about himself he’d been too afraid to share, making his ownwishes that would never come true. But the last thing he wrote was an apology.

Iknow I told you that I would rather die than lose the way I feel—lose the way Ifeel about you, Elle. But now I know that I love you too much to do that. Ilove you too much to leave you alone.

Pleaseforgive me.

A few days passed. Elle showed up to work asshe always did first thing in the morning, bringing some fresh departmentreports to his desk with a cheerful smile yet still calm and cool andcollected, her telepathy still down and out from the anesthesia from her surgeryseveral days before. She looked around, finding his office rather cleaner thanusual. There was even a vase of roses on one of the side tables, without apetal out of place. She wasn’t exactly sure why that mattered…the explanationseemed foggy, and far away. Unimportant, even.

“Good morning, sir.” Elle said. “I didn’texpect to see you back so soon. Are you feeling better?” She’d never called himsir before. It wouldn’t be the last time, either. Maybe their friendship hadgotten lost along the way with their other feelings, too.

If he noticed, he didn’t seem to care aboutthe change. Bernard looked up from the book he was reading, and smiled—but therewas a void behind the eyes. A lack of feeling that would never quite heal, asign of something that had been taken away. He got up, closing the journal andsetting it on the bookshelf directly behind his desk.

“Thank you Elle. I’m feeling much betternow.”

#safyresky #I really done did it this time didn't I #i cried during writing this shit you guys better appreciate my suffering here good lordt #bernelle #bernelleau #hanahaki!au #roethings

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cxruscxte--archive-blog · 8 years ago

Text

300+ FOLLOWER FOREVER (Speech && mentions under the cut)

Inhales

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

OK BUT

WHAT ???

I can’t believe I already have 300 followers!!! I don’t think I can say anything more that I haven’t said in my last follower forever. I love every single one of you to no absolute end, you guys! It’s a stupid thing to say, but I do not think highly of my portrayal of Angie, she’s much sadder than she should be hahaa,, but all of you have done such a great job of making me feel better about it, like following me or wanting to interact with me. All of it makes me feel like my Angie isn’t as bad as I think it is! You’re all absolute sweeties and I keep making more friends as time passes. It feels amazing here, even if I do encounter a few bumps along the way!

I know I take a long time to make replies and I probably should be writing up ask replies instead of doing yet another follower forever, but oh WELL WHAT CAN YA DO

Like before, I’ll tag a few of my good acquaintances (BC I DON’T KNOW IF YA’LL CONSIDER ME A FRIEND–) and pat their backs virtually for being nice to me.

BUT BEFORE I DO SHOUT OUT TO MY NON-RP FRIEND

@bettynayo | BBY I LOVE YOU ??? YOU’RE LIKE THE ONLY PERSON I’M GONNA CALL A FRIEND HERE BC I’M FAIRLY CERTAIN WE’RE FRIENDS HHHA—I’LL NEVER FORGET THAT FAITHFUL NIGHT YOU SENT ME THAT DRAWING OF KOA AND I ACTUALLY STARTED CRYING??? I will literally never get over that ok, your art is super beautiful and I love it and I love you most importantly and you’re like always there and hHHH A A we totally need to do a skype call someday bc we can sing Hamilton songs I’ll scream “TO THE GROOM” at you bc that’s the only line I know out of the hour I listened (That’s a lie, I can probably sing You’ll Be Back from memory) you’re my Shinnaga, musical, Kenichi Suzumura, relatable daily struggle™ and most importantly – my hentai art friend and I absolutely love you ok REMEMBER THAT LET’S NEVER STOP TALKING MY DUDE IN 60 YEARS WE CAN BOTH SIT ON BENCHES OUTSIDE IN OUR OWN ENDS, FEEDING THE PIGEONS AND CHATTING ON FUTURISTIC TUMBLR

Ok now that this little shite is over with FOR MY MAIN ROLEPLAY BNITCHES

@zxtsubxu | I felt like I had to mention you first idk why. YOU MAKE ME FEEL PAIN—literally let’s just kill each other with angst,, I love your writing and I never thought that ?? I could ship ??? Mastermind Eggo and Idorru Anggg ??? LITERALLY WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME (jkjk Ily)

@mxgicxlrxd | HI GIN ur a good Himiko and we never actually had a thread but oH WELL HAH A maybe one day when we both manage to finish our replies. But for real tho, I absolutely love you, you’re really great and UR THE SHIT UR MY HIMIKO UR A GOOD I LO VE Y O U BEEEEPIPIPI

@not-a-suspicious-guy | Goldy, MY DUDE- I have to make you a reply im sorry omg don’t hurt me,, but okay really, you’re like a super great Amami and your writing is top notch™ PLUS UM ??? YOUR ART ??? WHAT THE HELL GOALS ???? listen, you actually made me love Amami even more than I did before and I don’t understand,, let us both sit in a problematic chair position as we pray to our one and only lord Ran Through A Mommy (remind me to marry u in 8 years btw)

@kxaito | NGL I ALMOST FORGOT TO MENTION YOU I’M ADDING YOU LAST MINUTE—I was like “GASP SHIT PEYTON–” it’s no follower forever without everyone’s favorite Kaito ; ) you’re really nice and like I hope we’re both gazing at the same stars right now ah our love shan’t die—what am I even talking abt soRR Y SORRY UR THE STAR BAE and your Kaito is so ?? good ??? if it wasn’t for you I’d probably wouldn’t be wallowing in despair for Kaito rn GEE THANKS

@pseudxcode | WE’VE NEVER HAD A THREAD EITHER OOP but ur great, ur art is great, please, if I talk good shit abt u will you let me kill all the magical girls and present their corpses to Chihiro (JKJK) srsly tho, your Chihiro ??? more like GOOD SHIT™ and we should probably make an actual thread ( ; ) magical gals)

@hcnorcoded | UM AHRI AHRI A H R I !!!!! MY FIRST FRIEND!!!! THANK ! YOU ! FOR ! EXISTING ! You’re an absolute beauty and so is your Ishimaru, I love you x25 and just ?? just ??? kudos for being such a beautiful human being and actually taking your time and talking to Living Breathing Trash Can Em,, I’ll be the Rin to ur Pana (KAYOCHIN)

@positivepianist | POSI YOU ARE MY GOLDEN HUED SWEETHEART AND I JUST ?????????????? BNITCH WHY ARE YOU SO GOOD TO EVERYONE ?????? whY ARE YOU SO GOOD TO ME WHAT ??? I don’t deserve your super duper preciousness and you totally deserve the love people give you and the more you apologize the more I’m like “the hell are you apologizing for you’re the best human here you’re super puRE DO NO T” I want to hug you a lot you seem so huggable + ur Kaede is just the best Kaede and I just I WANT TO HUG UR KAEDE TOO

@docilexdisguises | DEST YOU LITERALLY JUST MADE A FOLLOWER FOREVER THANK U FOR MENTIONING ME AND LIKE LISTEN the world needs to know abt the Ikea thing we have. Magical girl group verse ??? nah that’s shit. Lost in Ikea group verse??? HERE’S WHAT’S MCHECKING LIT FAM THAT’S THE SHIT MAKE IT KNOWN – no but seriously, your Tsumugi is great, it made me warm up to the actual Cosplay Trash no matter how infuriated she makes me feel lma o—

@relixum (and ur other blogs im too lazy to mention) | it us !! the uncoolest kiddo squad !!! I haven’t talked to u in like a week and I feel bad for doing that lmao oops—but seriously, I love your writing !!! your Hinata is the perfect Hinata and I love how you portray him ??? idk what it is buT YOU HAVE SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOUR HINATA SPECIAL !!! Maybe it’s because ur a special human too hohoho—alright but seriously (ALSO IMMA MENTION IN EVERY FOLLOWER FOREVER BUT THE SALT && PEPPPER AU–)

@ahogerobotto | at this point, all my compliments are drained and idk what to say anymore and AAAAAA—Sai, your Beep Boop Robotto is super good and you too are super great and I swear to god, you’re making me love Kiibo more like I just ??? uGH AAAA I blame you for my emotional pain for Kiibo hahA

And now, a line-up of Shinguuji’s

@hominumfabula | RIGHT UH I HAVEN’T SAID HI TO YOU IN AGES BUT YOU’RE STILL A SUPERB GUUJI and u too are a superb human being, you’re nice and you’re a meme and idk what else to say you’re a Golden Trash Can™ I can’t keep coming up with new shit abt u, ur just rlly good and remember that ok

@xshinguuji | there’s too many Shinguuji’s for me to even talk abt anything extra hhO—buT SERIOUSLY you’re super good and you’re a real sweetie ???? I’d hug you as much as I’d hug Posi tbh and I’d also hug your Guuji ??? he’s a sweet boi™ (probably takes it from the equally sweet mun

@shinguvji | confession time, I actually just spent 20 seconds trying to remember your url name bc I’m typing it all in word and I just ??? “wait what’s Iggy’s Guuji url heck” but seriously I just ??? I’m sorry about Foodfight, I’m sorry you have to live through that bullshit bUT I’M NEVER GONNA LET YOU LIVE IT DOWN AFAFSAFSDAS srsly tho your Guuji’s great, you’re great, I’d let you be my bath demon any day and I’ll share all my Kappa facts with you

BABES I FEEL LIKE I DON’T TALK TO ENOUGH AND I FEEL LIKE I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO CALL YA’LL MY GOOD BNITCHES BUT MAYBE IN THE FUTURE—

@malchancevilain | ARE WE FRIENDS OR ???? Idk I like you and we need to meme around more and make like 1252835923582 inside jokes so I’d be like “OH LOOK IT’S A GOOD TOGAMEME” and I mean you’re still a good togameme BUT ARE WE LIKE ACQUAINTED ENOUGH FOR ME TO SAY THAT WITHOUT BEING WEIRD OR—OK BUT SERIOUSLY thanks for like thinking of literally everything for the magical girl verse thank u bby

@snappshot // @cantatory | ok so RIVAL GROUP ASDASDAasf we need to plot more so I could write that magical girl starter for u aaaaaaaaaa—ok but rlly ur great, ur muses are great, we need to talk more hhhaaha

@nullverum | im too lazy to mention ur oc blog bye- BUT INHALES – YOU’RE T OXI C I’M SL I PP ING UND E R srsly ur good keep being a meme

@gambogeish | I WASN’T SURE WHICH CATEGORY YOU BELONG TO AAAAA but seriously, I enjoy talking to you and hhh thank you for the beautiful image of Saihara with a magical girl skirt (Marilyn Monroe vent scene with Saihara tho haha wink wonk)

@thirdtimemasterpiece | hhHH I DON’T KNOW IF I SHOULD CONSIDER YOU A SUPER FRIEND HH—BC I CONSIDER EVERYONE A SUPER FRIEND BUT IM NOT SU R E – but ok uh thanks for getting the MH theme permanently stuck in my head ??? // your Angie is good tho u are the senpai I shall learn from you

HEY HO I THINK THAT’S ALL ????

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notjustoneofyourmanytoys · 8 years ago

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Wow, okay I never thought I'd be making one of these post because holy shit, I didn't even expect to get 50 followers let alone 100? I'm sort of in shock because here I am, the awkward turtle trying to love everyone down. First off, thank you for loving me and following me and supporting me and my crazy ideas and just letting me do what I love to get away from the fucked up thing called reality. All of you whom I follow are wonderful people and I wouldn't have stayed here as long as I have if it wasn't for you. That being said, shoutouts since I saw people doing this, I figured okay, let's go. How do you guys do these things?! I'm sort of flailing about.

@constantlyxconstantine - If it wasn't for Tyler, I would have left the rp community well in the past 6 months ago. They've kept me sane and we may not rp as much as we used to, they are still my motherfucking anchor (guess that makes him Stiles to my Scott?). Basically, you're my soulmate partner in roleplay and i will never stop talking highly of you.

@fissarsi - Thomasina, my little peach, thank you for giving me so many ideas and letting me bounce them off you. I hope that you come back full force with Enzo bleeding out of your ears because there's much fun to be had. Thank you for just including me in things in general when it comes to Enzo.

@thegreyeffect - I never thought I'd be playing with a Christian, to be honest but I love you and I'm so thankful you embraced me into your world and what you've created for Christian.

@russbusfuck - You. Just. You. Thanks for bringing me endless amounts of pain just with soulmate au's alone. I love your muses and I can't wait to play with them more and talk you into fun AUs

@sweetestxnightmares - You know how much I love you and yours and I'm just really glad that we have so many storylines that are meshing together (and one of these days I'll stop causing you pain)

the skam family (and those that use skam fcs) @tetherlive, @fakelived, @askchrisschistad, @dirtyiaundry, @fleche, @jegheterisak - thank all of you for embracing my babies into your lives, you guys have been the most welcoming fandom ever on the face of this planet and those that just use the skam fcs are the same, it’s like we all stick together which is pretty awesomesauce if you ask me.

@shespokeinwhispers - you're amazing and wonderful and I hope you feel better and things settle down so that we get to play more because I really love how Carmilla and Alexander mesh and you're such a great writer.

@faciiile and @prctticstboy - Beebo, you are just such a funny person with great characters and I'm really glad I decided to start playing Marcus with you cause baby's in love

@posxisms - You're an adorable person whom I love playing with when we get a chance and I look forward to doing it more in the future. Thanks for making Jack fall in love with Posy too lol

@singlesighted - I don't really know what to say other than, we have not gotten to play yet, but I've been following you literally forever and you're basically the only Carl I will follow ever.

And to everyone else that follows me that we haven't played much but I hope to play with you more soon, thanks for following me and putting up with my oddness: @nigrumsanguine, @danniexriel, @hypnodelic, @hcneverscwmethcrc, @6ix-bae, @heavenpetersuniverse, @apathyapartments, @livingourlivesinaslowhell, @ephemcre , @heroinesoftmrw, @passiionatee, @dia-the-thief, @enigmaticinvisiblezebra, @mclliflvous, @ofbloodyink, @cheerysociopath, @shewolverine, @gotnogame, @twinsizedmttress, @hcmanisms, @district-one-beauty, @bcckmarked, @lcvesvck, @lostbxtterflies, @problematicfaves, @fromaspecialbloodline, @jakerileyapd, @kingxfmischief, @ycngandreckless, @howdiidwegcthere, @giiilbcrt, @nightmcnsters

And I know I'm missing some, I feel it in my bones but honestly, thank you all. I love you all and here's to 100 followers. I guess I don't suck as much as I thought I did! I’m gonna take my awkward ass self away now and go try to do some replies *blows kisses*

#[out of cotton candy]#long post #meep

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lalka-laski · 5 years ago

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And another one...

What is bothering you right now? The fact that I finished all my work for the day but still have to sit here in the office for another 3 hours. Hence why I’ve resorted to yet another survey (prepare for a lot of these in the coming days...)

Do you get bad cramps? I never did growing up, but once I hit about 23 or 24 I started getting them pretty bad. Are you more often hot or cold? I’m always overheated Have you ever been on a missions trip? LOL NO. Fuck that to the millionth degree. Have you ever been abused and kidnapped by a cop? Wow what a question. I have not.

How often do you wash your hair? Every other day, roughly. What’s a trend that you haven’t followed? I’m not particularly interested in being on trend. Not in an intentional non-conformist way, but just because I have a strong enough sense of what I like and dislike, and I don’t stray from that. Do you hate political posts on facebook? Just the misinformed or ignorant ones. But otherwise, I’m proud of my generation for being so politically vocal and active. What creative project are you currently excited about? I have a writing project I hope to start soon. I’m also excited to do some more decorating at my new apartment. Do you like eggnog? IT’S REPULSIVE!! Even just the smell of it makes me nauseous. I still have traumatic flashbacks of my Starbucks days of steaming eggnog for lattes.... PUKE! How many pictures do you have stored on your computer? On my computer itself, hardly any at all. All my photos are on my phone. Which type of camera do you prefer: digital or Polaroid? I just use my phone. I’m not fancy. But a Polaroid could be fun Have you ever had a camera that took film? Yeah. Actually just had a conversation with my sister about the good ol’ days of going to Wegmans to rent VHS videos in the movie section and get your photos printed in the photo lab! What do you do to relieve a headache? For the first time the other day I tried rubbing some peppermint oil on my head and my headache was gone within a few minutes! To be fair though, I was also drinking a (weak) cup of coffee at the same time. So I’m not sure if it was the caffeine, the peppermint oil, or the combination of the two that cured my headache. Either way, I’ll take it! What do you own that’s wool? Nothing I don’t think? Do you ever squirt whip cream onto a plate and then eat it by itself? What is wrong with y’all..... Have you ever had a hot flash? Way too often for a girl my age List ten girl names you like. Aurora, Elle, Audrey, Celine, Diana, Lucyna, Camila, Elyse, ??, ??

List ten boy names you like. David, James, Sean, Eric, Adam, Levi, Evan, Adrian, ??, ?? What do you think of the name Posie? No thank you Are you bothered by something right now? Just my mind-numbing boredom Do you wish someone cared? I am very fortunate to have plenty of people who care about me Are you ok? Yes lol Are you upset? Nah, I’m fine. Which pharmacy do you use? Wegmans Do you like your hair better curly or straight? It’s naturally pin straight so I like to curl it, although it barely holds... Do you edit your photos? I admit it, yes I do. Do you think you look better with make-up or without? With makeup. However, I don’t use it as a crutch anymore and I’ve grown to accept how I look au natural. Would you rather wear purple glasses or black glasses? Black Do you know anyone who says they’re a Christian but acts like a satanist? Satanists are actually really principled, kind, moral people. Not “evil” in the slightest. If you’re a girl, do you ever shop in the boys or mens section? I like to sleep in men’s tee shirts/sweatshirts/sweatpants, but I’d never intentionally bought something from the men’s section. If you’re a guy, do you ever shop in the girls or womens section? What do you think of when you hear the word “Christian”? Jesus How many pullover hoodies do you own? Maybe 5 or 6 How many pairs of sweatpants do you own? A few What’s your favorite version of the Bible to read? I don’t read it. Have you ever thought you were ugly? Haven’t we all at some point? Do you ever pretend to be ok & happy when you’re not? Again, haven’t we all at some point? Do you wish you could read minds? Why or why not? Absolutely not. I’d just end up with my feelings hurt. Some things are better off unknown. Would you rather have wings or a tail? Wings would be beautiful! Do you believe in the supernatural? Absolutely Has anyone “come out” to you? Absolutely Name someone whom you’d really like an apology from. It doesn’t matter because I’ll never receive it. But I’m done wishing for an impossibility. What is your favorite piece of classic literature? As an English major, I find this question offensive. Do you consider yourself “dignified”? That’s difficult. I think other people would be a better judge of my “dignity” than myself. Which do you take more: videos or photos? Both, especially when I’m nannying my babies. I’m in full-on paparazzi mode at that point. Have you ever accidentally sent a text to the wrong person? Yes.... What is the most embarrassing thing you can think of happening? Every day of my life? Do you ever wear sunglasses indoors? On top of my head, yeah What are two names you used to get mixed up when you were younger? As a kid I never knew who was who on Tom and Jerry. I still don’t really know? What do u think of the quote “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing” That’s not my motto by any means. What’s the most adventurous thing you’ve done lately? This is gonna sound facetious, and it partially is lol. But I just started writing in blue ink after a lifelong loyalty to black ink. BIG STEPS HERE, FOLKS! Can you trust the police? No

Do you wear earmuffs when it’s cold out? I have a cute pair of Canada earmuffs that I’ll break out when the cold weather hits!

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