#but the LAST thing I want is to die. I just want to be better!! immediately!!! I hate that it's such a slow process!!

[indexthejester]

01: meh I think. Getting better I suppose.

02: My friend, we say it when ending calls

03: far too much. Sometimes it hits me like a bullet to the chest. Feels like the metal ball in my brain pinballs into a bumper that gives negative points.

04: no definitely not <- she lied

05: single and looking for friends which may turn into queerplatonic relations. Not that I'm crossing my fingers.

06: slowly and calmly enough to analyze the way it feels to die, but not too peacefully that it's otherwise uninteresting.

07: Zaxby's chicken strips

08: tried a few. Not my thing. Except tennis, I liked that one. Not sure if snowboarding counts but I like that too.

09: Yes I do it sucks.

10: never had one, unless wrestling counts

11: I like many people. I love them too. I suppose I have a crush on people that I relate too, especially if I find them interesting. I want to know every part of them intimately. To drink it all in.

12: yes

13: I don't think so, I try not to. I don't think it's very useful for solving my or the world's problems, and it makes me feel pretty miserable in the process.

14: probably somewhat, I'm pretty lonely most of the time so yeah almost always. I work and live better when I'm with someone I like. Whether talking or just present in the same "space".

15: 2 family dogs, one day I'll move out and get a cat probably. Cats are great.

16: chill, minus the usual slight heartburn. Just got our of the shower and am lying in bed, getting messages from a new friend, living well.

17: no, very out of left field question

18: not really. I find them interesting though. They either look like insects or weirdly mammalian despite being neither. Weird that scorpions are more closely related.

19: nah there's nothing for me back there.

20: god I wish

21: talk to a friend and life planning

22: no, I mean I'm good with them and it's very fulfilling I just find it stressful. Right now I have so much I want to do I can't see myself adopting and settling down but maybe idk.

23: 2 for earrings

24: Math and English I suppose. Programming too if college counts

25: Maybe. Not at the moment. In recent past, it was fun to hang out at the lgbtq center in college. Sucks that I'm stuck at home now.

26: more social interaction. I may be anxious about how I reply or generally talk through textual messaging, but it makes me feel all comfy inside :3 also sleep because it is 2:36am for me rn.

27: idk

28: no

29: never had one

30: eye strain and heart burn and social anxiety.

31: I think so. I don't think it's for me to say, I try to love myself at least, though it's really hard.

32: magenta, or some other combo of purple and red. Hence the Melantha pfp. Also she's autistic.

33: yes, very much so

34: can't remember. The last one I remember was very sexual which is unusual for me.

35: cried on a call with a friend of mine I think. Just scared of the state the world's in.

36: I don't know, I don't know if I've had to

37: depends on the person I guess. Sometimes you can't do either. Just gotta learn to live with what happened.

38: So far absolutely not. But in the past 4 days I've had a lot of fun being alive. It is fun to make new friends and connect with people and have fun.

39: excluding my parents it hasn't happened

40: yes

51: chicken alphredo and chicken cordon bleu

52: I don't believe in fate, but I do believe in causality, to an extent.

53: brush my teeth I think. Maybe watch a youtube video or masterbate, though I usually do the latter as I'm falling asleep so I'm not sure if it counts.

54: I'm sure you could invent some crazy scenario where it is, but in general I think betraying your partner's trust is just about the worst thing you can do in a relationship.

55: I try not to be.

56: 0

57: when I am vulnerable and comfortable, I am filled to bursting with love for the world and everything in it. So if "true" means "pure unfiltered" then maybe yeah. Me x The Universe. Me x All My Friends.

58: bright but not too bright, grey skies, no visavle sun, chill in the air. Can move around without sweating buckets.

59: YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS

60: very much so someday. Already planning it out.

61: never had it happen to me though it seems pretty boring standard. Call me your owner, handler, mad scientist, something interesting.

62: a loving community and the ability to freely create art

63: yeah obviously

64: yeah I'm too old for that it's weird

65: what are we role-playing now? I don't know, depends on the context. (Treating "sex" as "gender" for these questions btw.)

66: no, I don't. I wouldn't call any of my friends men.

67: My father but I honestly wonder if he's not a little trans

68: like a really deep conversation? Uhh definitely @thatweirdyellowrat. Haven't felt that much mental clarity after a conversation in a long time. I would not be as happy or geared to make new friends if not for that.

69: Fuck no.

70: I think so yeah, more than one actually. Which is saying something because I value my life a lot.

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?

[weird-is-life]

First date charm

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x singlemom!reader

Summary: You think that Bucky is too good for you

Warnings: fluff, mentions of food, like one swear word

Words: 1.1k

----------------------------------------------------

I'm so sorry, James... but I don't think I'll be able to make it to the restaurant today. Again, I'm really sorry, I don't think i'll be able to see you anymore. You send a text to James Barnes.

The babysitter cancelled on you last minute, and with nobody else to watch your son you had to cancel the date.

Yes, you were definitely bummed about it because the first day with him was pretty much perfect. He was such a gentleman, and it felt like you could talk to him about anything. And it was like you could see him in your future immediately.

But you can't escape the nagging feeling that Bucky deserves better than you, than a single mom with a kid. Even though it hurts you more than you can admit.

Bucky feels devastated when he reads your text. He doesn't know what he did wrong. He thought the things were going great?

It was Sam that put you two together, and at first Bucky wanted to throttle him for setting up the date without asking Bucky first.

But after the first date Bucky was more than thankful. You were so kind and lovely and beautiful, and on Bucky's mind all the time since the date.

So he doesn't know what's happened. He tries to call you like 3 times, hoping for more of an explanation than only that text. He even texts you a few more times.

He starts to get worried when you don't respond. He would be thankful even if you just picked up the phone to tell him to fuck off, but you don't, and it drives him crazy.

He waits for your response for 2 hours, debating on just going up to your apartment to see if you are okay.

But after the 2 hours it gets too much for him. His mind going to the worst possible scenarios. He can't help it. The years of trauma don't make it easy for him to live, and not worry.

He gets to your apartment pretty quickly, his motorcycle makes it easy to speed through traffic. He paces nervously in front of the building, maybe he shouldn't have come here.

He contemplates for a few more minutes, and then rings the bell. Maybe you will think that he's crazy psychopath for showing up at your doorsteps, but he has to make sure you're okay.

You don't expect anybody to ring the bell to your apartment as soon as you put your son to sleep. You definitely don't expect to hear Bucky's voice from the intercom.

His soft 'can I come up?' makes your heart flatter, and you buzz him in. He's up the stairs on your floor quickly. And of course, he has a bouquet of flowers in his hands.

"James, what are you doing here?" you ask quietly. He looks so handsome for the cancelled date, and it makes you feel even worse.

"I'm sorry for showing up...You weren't answering your phone, and-and I was worried." He looks apologetically at you.

"My phone....oh-" you quickly dissappear into your apartment, searching for your phone.

Bucky doesn't mean to snoop, but with the door wide open he notices all of the toys and kids stuff. His mouth goes dry a bit.

"I'm sorry, James, I had my phone on quiet.....," you stop talking when you follow Bucky's gaze. His eyes roaming all over the things.

"What's all this? You have a kid?"  Bucky looks baffled, like he just saw a ghost in front of him.

"Yes." You admit, guilt for not telling him all over your face. You thought that Sam had told Bucky about Teo, but you realised on the date that he hadn't.

You wanted to tell him, you really did. But you just wanted to see how the first date goes first. And in between the first and the second date the thoughts of Bucky being too good for you settled in your mind.

I mean, he's so charming, and probably the nicest man you have ever met. He's also so so respectful. And god, he's so handsome as well, those piercing blue eyes? To die for...

"I wanted to tell you, Bucky. I just....you deserve someone else. Not me with a kid. I-I loved our date, but I know what guys think about women with kids. It's not very attractive...," you sigh. You have experienced rejections from guys because of Teo before.

"Wait, wait, wait, doll. Did I give you the impression that I'd care about such things?" Bucky almost immediately asks. "I don't care that you have a kid, I like you, and I loved the date with or without knowing that you have a kid."

"You say that now, but what about when-" he interrupts you before you can finish.

"Doll, I like you! How about we just take it one date at a time, yeah? Let's see where this goes?" Bucky tries to reason with you. He doesn't want to let you go without even getting to know you properly. Like fuck, he hasn't felt this kind of connection in a long, long time.

"Are you sure? 'Cause I'd understand if not, I really would," you try to give him a smile to convince him (and yourself) which doesn't really work.

Bucky slowly takes your hand into his, and squeezes your hand in reassurance, "I'm very sure. I like you, and I don't know If I should be a little offended that you thought I'd mind that you are a mom.."

His attempt at lightening the mood is successful. You chuckle at his words, and he gives you a smile in return.

You eye the bouquet of the flowers in his other hand,"are those for me?"

"Who else?" Bucky murmurs teasingly as he hands you the beautiful flowers.

"Thank you, Bucky. They are beautiful," you say sheepishly, "but I still can't go on the date today. There's nobody who can watch Teo." You tell him a little disappointed.

"No, that's okay, doll. I just wanted to make sure that we were okay, but more importantly that you were okay. I should go tho," he says, and leans down bravely to kiss your cheek goodbye.

He can see your cheeks go rosy instantly. The blush making you even more pretty.

"W-wait, Bucky," you catch his hand before he can turn away, " you could stay, Teo is asleep....we could order pizza or-or whatever you like." You almost face slap yourself for acting like some unsure teenager in love. Stammering over your words.

Bucky thinks it over for a few seconds before he smiles at you," I'd love to, and pizza sounds fantastic."

"Great, c'mon." You happily pull him after you inside the apartment while apologising for all the mess. But Bucky couldn't care less about that, he's just more than happy he gets to spend time with you again.

[haveihitanerve]

I genuinely think its so adorable- now that i’ve watched even more of their long forms- how fucking cute AJ and Tom’s relationships are, always. 

Like- maybe I’ve just not seen enough. But- but they’re so pure????usually???

Juliet and Cesar- Tom literally hands over his kingdom and defends her against anyone- “yeah she kills people but she doesn't kill me and shes so pretty while doing it”- shes a badass evil queen and he fucks hard with that, even after she stabs him

The Leftenmost Window- AJ is supportive of his “thewomeninourfamilyhavealwayshadagift” wife and “ORDER!!!”s the children so they don’t annoy their mother- also the hug in the last scene, leaned against each other

The Dentist and Dentist Assistant thing where Tom was just totally supportive of everything AJ asked for/did and their little peck

Priscillas Last Petal- Both versions/moms of Tom are so tender with AJ, comforting him- the way Tom cradles AJ’s face when hes standing on the chair???? Oh my gods it was so cute

The Detective and Christmas Tree Bandits- not only Is Frankie super sweet to Rupert Jr, as a mother they like hug and its just too fucking cute. I mean green dude Reggie and Frankie were a different matter but we’re not talking about them!

Murders in Space- Tom literally spends his entire fucking life working to try and bring AJ back- then AJ dies for her- before she lets herself die to the timeline in order to go back to having him in another life- cuties

President and Vice President- besides wanting to kill each other, they did have a pretty stable relationship at the beginning ngl

Xavier and… the girl AJ is playing- their kiss is tender and sweet- AJ literally brings it up later on because of how soft it was- also- and i don't see it addressed anywhere- when AJ originally fainted, Tom literally reaches to catch him, arm like snagging on his waist, before realizing “oh its a controlled fall” and letting him drop. Its only for like a quarter of a second but it matters to me okayy???

Freeze/Tag out- “i just get so mad when they make bald jokes about AJ- he doesn't deserve it!” 

Beetroots and Murder- “I’m his friend.” Spirit of Somerset and Justin and… wtv his name is- they’re just assholes- but really supportive to each other and good friends so like wtv

Vampire Slayer… thing: “master Ybbob.” and his little… helper dude :) cuties

Also- the amount of times they’ve proposed to each other is crazy- both, to each other, Tom literally gives up his actual wedding ring to AJ so many times its ridiculous and so so cute

The Lighthouse- in the actual play they kinda hate each other(if they were given more time, they perfectly lined it up to be an enemies to lovers imo) but at the end AJ and Tom unite in chaos gods mode and propose and do all that just because theyre icons and asses to Luke and Sam and its too cute

Green Leaves on a summers day:... if you’ve seen it… the way Tom immediately flinches to try and catch AJ and keep him stable when aj dips himself. Watch the vid if you want a better explanation…

Omg is this a joke: tom is willing to die for aj(his brother?) when they get captured for him to escape, iconic and so so cute

Tobys Secret Pocket: uh they don't actually get that much time together, but Wailing Robbie and Don have cute banter and AJ is always there backing Tom up

Beetroots and Murder: “im his friend:)” “this is my friend :D” cuties Spirit of Somerset and his friend- plus Justin and… wtv his name is(Big Dick?)- they’re just assholes- but really supportive to each other and good friends so like wtv

The Milkman: this play actually broke me, but AJ is so cute and sweet to his son who isn't his son, even after he knows he isn't his son when he gets back he still hugs him and is really cute and i need the sfth boys to please tell me he still gets visiting rights even if its not biologically his kid because its still his son😭 anyway…

The Excited Chinchilla: their father/daughter relationship is soooo cute, theyre cuties 

Oopsie Daisy Bugle: they have arguments, but theyre a fucking cute couple ong

The Fourth Wall break during flurry when Aj pretended like he couldn't do improv anymore or smth: its so cute, Tom has his arm around his shoulders, hes squeezing him, standing right next to him, Sam asks “do you want us to leave?” and Aj goes “yeah.” then tom is like “yeah?” you sure? And AJ goes, “no. don't leave.” and Tom returns to his side so quick its adorable

Barn Dance Opera: not an actual on stage moment but they hover off stage together for a bit while Luke and Sam are on stage and its really cute

Huge(i think): before going back on stage tom hugs aj from behind just because

(ok i kinda derailed from characters and went to real life but shhh theyre cute)

Its like, for some reason, they cant be toxic. They refuse to be assholes to each other, and while they are very willing to dish out insults and tease each other, when it comes down to it, Tom is one of the first of the boys to notice what AJ is attempting to do/explain, and usually always picks AJ’s side while on stage, whether because he enjoys chaos or just wants to annoy Sam/Luke, idk, but its absolutely adorable every time they’re together because they just fit, I mean they all do tbh like duh, but Tom i think is the only one who consistently, without fail, always picks Aj’s side, and vice versa. Idk its cute

Also also- side note, real life- when AJ felt really nervous before… HUGE i think? Tom laid his head on his shoulder and like- solidarity- when AJ excused himself from the scene because he wasn't feeling it he like glanced over and made sure he was good before immediately taking his place to not make it obvious- they’re such good friends im gonna cry-

[lsunstreakerl]

more scrapbook paper max. be gentle with him please, he doesn't get enough hugs.

"Max. Maaaaaaax."

Someone is nudging their toe into Max's thigh.

He cracks an eye open, disoriented. There's something thudding against the warm wall behind his back, and he's sitting on cool tile. The room has a greenish hue.

"You better not be dead, I need to interview you for my assignment."

He's in the laundry room. Why is he in the laundry room?

"-We're supposed to interview an upperclassman and ask about their school life balance, and the internship work, and the battleworks stuff-"

Max is in the laundry room because his suit was stained. His suit was stained because he bled all over it. He bled all over it...?

"-So I was like, yeah, I'll just ask Max, that'll be fine. And then I spent half my morning trying to track you down, and everyone said you skipped class, which like- fair, but then you weren't upstairs in our dorm- we should really get a better lock on that door dude-"

Right. Big lizard thing. Mean big lizard thing. Casual evening assignment for him and Daniel that very rapidly turned not casual. Max is forgetting something.

"-And I have been looking everywhere. And now we're here, and I'm pretty sure you might be dead? Also I don't think your right side was purple last time I saw you. Unless it was, in which case I'm very sorry if I've offended you. But it doesn't look natural, cause like- it's just your arm and also your chest a little bit- what is your workout routine- so I'm thinking it's maybe bad."

Oh right. Poisonous big lizard thing.

Max blinks, staring up at Liam.

"Oh! You're not dead!"

Surely Max was not this stupid as a freshman.

"Obviously."

Liam looks from Max's face to his arm.

"...do you need the nurse?"

Max also looks down at his arm. It's definitely not supposed to be that color. He's not sure he could move it if he wanted to.

"Yup."

------

"Are we lost?"

Max feels his teeth grinding, squinting as he looks across the landscape in front of him. They're supposed to have a senior with them, but Kyvat had disappeared almost half an hour ago when he heard a noise- which breaks basically the first rule any of them are taught for Fog trips, to never go alone- and now Max is stuck with a freshman clinging to him.

"No."

He's lying. Sort of.

Max has made a few solo Fog trips, but that's because he's perfectly content to go apeshit and destroy everything around him to find a way out- it's how Daniel had met him the first time, before Max got enrolled.

He can't exactly do that with Bearman at his back though- the kid would die. Max can feel him stepping closer, practically pasted alongside Max's back, even though he's nearly as tall as Max is by now.

It's embarrassing, honestly. Max has two years on him- the least Bearman can do is let Max catch up to Daniel before he outgrows them both.

He might be able to try-

"Ollie."

The kid perks up behind him.

"Yeah?"

Max chews at his bottom lip for a moment. He's never tried this before- a tuned down version of what he's done in the past. He's not sure if it might still hurt Bearman, depending on how long they do it. He's not sure if they're going to get Kyvat back.

But they don't all need to die out here.

"Keep holding onto me. I'm going to try and feel a way out- I need you to tell me if you think there's a threat."

"Okay."

Credit where it's due, Ollie is brave. They weren't even supposed to go into the Fog today, not with a freshman- but things had gotten messy up top, and it had been safer to drop into the complete unknown without supplies rather than stay.

Which kind of sums up the year Max has been having.

That it's only January is irrelevant.

He closes his eyes, tries to carefully build up the charge in the area around him, feeling out for where it stops.

It's much easier to just have a full spark and follow that path, but again- tiny freshman. Max does not want to have to explain to the board why he's brought back a barbecued Bearman.

And Ollie's dorm mates would be sad.

Also, begrudgingly, Max kind of likes Bearman.

He sets off tiny little sparks, soft snaps of electricity, and then he's walking.

The Fog is difficult because it's not real. It causes hallucinations, makes you question what you see, what you hear. It obscures your sight, leads you wandering in circles until you die. Or until one of its natural predators comes to eat you.

Max is not interested in either of those things happening today, so he keeps walking, pulling Bearman behind him as he keeps setting off small snaps, carving out his own path.

He's not trying to get to a specific outlet- there's no way, not with the tiny amount of charge he's generating- just needs to get to one.

"Max-"

Oliver sounds nervous, and Max opens his eyes. There's nothing around them.

"You're hallucinating."

"Okay."

The benefit to traveling in groups through Fog is that it can't show the same thing to two people at once- which is why traveling alone is borderline suicide.

Max isn't going to feel bad for Kyvat- it's his own fault.

He closes his eyes again, feels Bearman jolt softly next to him when he accidentally sets a charge too hard, shocking him.

He's not going to feel bad about that either- he's got empathy in limited amounts.

Otherwise Bearman is good about sticking close, doesn't complain about the numerous static shocks he must be experiencing.

Max can feel a headache building at the base of his skull- he's not used to using this much precision for this long. He's been working on it with Lambiase, but it's still difficult.

His fingertips have a slight tingle- they're not numb or charred the way they get when he's really pushing it, just an uncomfortable pinprick sensation.

One of his sparks flares at the edge of his senses- it's snapping in regular oxygen, not Fog.

He doesn't open his eyes, because they're not out yet, but he must be smirking, because Bearman sighs in relief.

"Please tell me you found it."

Max hums, keeps guiding them.

"Maybe."

He can feel it when they hit the cool air- Fog is dry and stale, constantly. He blinks his eyes open, and sure enough- they've just stepped out of a dilapidated doorway, into the middle of nowhere.

"How the fuck-"

Bearman is looking at him, and Max shrugs. He's not going to explain it- he'll sound like a maniac anyways, and he has enough of a reputation as is.

He leans forward and hits the emergency button on Bearman's suit, sending off signals back to the academy and their supervisors.

"Stay here."

Oliver's eyes widen, darting between Max and the doorway.

"You're not actually going to- mate."

Max frowns at him. He's not taking judgment from a freshman- Liam is bad enough, and they have to bunk together.

"Stay. Put."

Bearman swallows and nods, and Max turns back around and steps into the Fog.

Stupid senior.

[batboysanonymous]

Birds of a Feather

Azriel x Reader

Summary: Azriel was a complication Y/N never asked for, a shadow that haunted her steps with the weight of everything unspoken between them. But when the line between hate and desire begins to blur, she realizes too late—he was never her enemy to begin with.

Based on the song: BIRDS OF A FEATHER by Billie Eilish

───────────────────────────────

I want you to stay

'Til I'm in the grave 'Til I rot away, dead and buried

The tension between them was a living, breathing thing. It clung to Y/N’s skin like the mist that rolled in from the Sidra, thick and inescapable, filling every inch of space between her and the male who had spent the last century making her want to scream in frustration—or maybe something far more dangerous.

Azriel stood across from her now, his arms crossed, his jaw tight. He always looked like that around her, like he was seconds away from either killing her or shoving her against the nearest surface.

“Don’t look at me like that,” she snapped, shifting her weight on her feet, trying to ignore the way his shadows curled around his shoulders like they were whispering her name.

Azriel cocked his head, his lips curving in something that wasn’t quite a smirk but close enough to make her chest tighten. “Like what?”

“Like you’re—” She cut herself off, exhaling sharply. “Like you’re trying to figure out if I’m worth the trouble.”

Something dark flickered in his hazel eyes. “I know exactly how much trouble you are.”

Y/N’s fingers twitched at her sides, itching to throw something at him. Or to pull him closer. She couldn’t decide which would be more satisfying. “Then why the hell do you keep looking at me like that?”

Azriel was in front of her before she could take another breath, his scent of night-chilled wind and cedar filling her lungs. He wasn’t touching her, not yet, but his presence pressed against her like an unseen force. “Because I don’t know if I have the strength to stay away from you.”

Birds of a feather, we should stick together, I know

I said I’d never think I wasn’t better alone

Y/N had always told herself she didn’t need anyone. That she was stronger alone.

Azriel tested that resolve at every turn.

He didn’t make things easy for her, never had. He challenged her, provoked her, made her blood simmer in a way no one else ever had.

And yet, she still found herself drawn to him.

Which was why she should have seen it coming when he cornered her in the training ring after yet another spar that had ended with neither of them winning—just bruised, breathless, and dangerously close to breaking whatever thread kept them from falling into something they couldn’t come back from.

“Say it,” he murmured, voice low, rough.

Y/N swallowed hard, heart slamming against her ribs. “Say what?”

“That you want me.” Azriel’s wings flared slightly, his hands curling into fists at his sides. “That you think about me when you shouldn’t.”

Y/N clenched her jaw, hating how easily he saw through her. Hating that she wanted to give in.

“I don’t,” she lied.

Azriel exhaled sharply, a humorless chuckle escaping him. “You’re so full of shit.”

Before she could stop herself, she reached out, gripping the front of his tunic and pulling him closer. The moment his body pressed against hers, the world tilted on its axis.

His breath hitched. Her own lungs burned.

And then he kissed her.

It wasn’t gentle. It wasn’t sweet.

It was fire and fury and the answer to every unspoken thing that had passed between them.

And I don’t know what I’m crying for

I don’t think I could love you more It might not be long, but baby, I I’ll love you ‘til the day that I die

Y/N should have known it wouldn’t be simple.

Loving Azriel was never going to be easy.

It was in the way he hesitated before reaching for her, as if he still wasn’t convinced he was allowed to have her. In the way his shadows wrapped around her in sleep, possessive even when he was unconscious. In the way he always looked at her like she was both the best and worst thing that had ever happened to him.

“You don’t have to stay,” he told her one night, his voice quiet, almost too quiet.

Y/N frowned, shifting onto her side to look at him in the dim candlelight. “Do you want me to leave?”

Azriel was silent for a long moment. Then, so softly she almost didn’t hear it—

“If you go, I’m going too.”

Her throat tightened.

Because she knew he meant it.

Because she had never wanted to stay anywhere more.

So she reached for him, her fingers threading through his, her lips brushing over his scarred knuckles. “Then I guess you’re stuck with me.”

Azriel exhaled slowly, and when he kissed her again, it felt like a promise.

One she had no intention of breaking.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Want to join my tag list? Drop a comment or check out this link to submit a specific series you would like tagged in! (Or if you just don't want to comment, that's okay too)

[dolche-tejada]

"I respect shirakumosolos opinion because he's realistic"

Saying villains shouldn't get an happy ending because it's unfair isn't realistic, it's just moral. And claiming these villains deserved to die because "an eye for an eye" isn't either, it's the classic edgy teenager bs you can find everyday on the Punisher subreddit.

"and I also see what you're trying to convey but the world didn't work like that."

Yes and that's kinda the problem in MHA. The Hero Society is consistently framed as heavily fucked up but in the end, problems are either swept under the rug or superficially addressed. Yet Horikoshi treats this situation as if everything was fixed or soon to be when no, shit barely changed.

"You are disappointed with the ending of the manga because the Hero is alive and well after they save the world from the villains."

Nope, I'm actually disappointed by how villains are either dead or incarcerated for life in miserable conditions despite Horikoshi spending hundreds of chapters building up themes and a development for them which should have logically resulted with them being saved.

If a story promise its audience something only to do a 180° at the last minute and pretend it was the logical conclusion, it's perfectly legitimate to call out this bullshit for what it is.

And since this is the topic of this post, I'm also annoyed by how Horikoshi unfairly favored the heroes with a blatant lack of consequences for their actions and stakes overall while the villains suffered from them at every corner. Not by the heroes winning a conflict they were obviously going to win at the end...

"Villains who caused the mass destruction in Japan, which in turn cause harm to the public."

Which doesn't change anything to my point. Yes the LoV committed atrocious crimes across the plot, it's undeniable. But the thing is it isn't the point, the question wasn't about whether they should be forgiven or if they deserved a redemption. Hell Tomura, Toya or Toga never even asked for that to begin with, none of them seeked forgiveness (at least not for killing people).

Their entire point was about them being saved by Deku, Shoto and Toga, this was literally their arc but they weren't. Horikoshi can sugarcoat that with all the "Toga was truly happy thanks to Ochako", "Toya got to reunite with his family" or "Tomura got his soul saved by Deku", it's just narrative gaslighting.

Despite all his speeches about trying to understand and rescue Tomura, Deku didn't save him. Worst, he never made a proper plan to save Tomura or tried to talk with him despite this being literally his goal for weeks

The only thing Deku did during the final arc was beating the shit out of him so hard his body crumbled to dust. That and taking a look at his backstory...

Toya spending some time with his family is sweet but it would have been way more coherent if Horikoshi wrote an ending where he was actually saved by them like they textually intended to. Instead of painfully keeping him alive for a few years before passing out offscreen...

As for Toga, I'm pretty sure that suicide doesn't count as "being saved" either, even if it's to save someone you care about.

"I see your point and I truly wanted the Lov to live but they already redeemed themselves by saving the people they care about.

Except again, that was never the point, this story wasn't a redemption one about a group of "evil" characters trying to be better and actually doing so by sacrificing themselves at the end.

It was a story about a new generation of heroes learning from the mistakes of the previous one and improving society by saving villains instead of just beating them to a pulp (something textually framed as wrong many times) among other things.

But again, it just didn't happen. None of them were saved.

"Toga bleeding to death trying to save Ochako not because she scared of Tartarus"

Meanwhile Toga a few instants before sacrificing herself

"because she finally have someone who understands her and sees her. A friend."

And because from her own admission, she knew dying was still better than rotting her whole life in prison, even with Ochako for friend.

"Shigaraki is free from AFO control. Cool."

And he died like 15 seconds afterwards due to Deku beating him into dust so it may just be me but I don't get how he's supposed to be free now.

"No concrete proof that villaint will murder innocent people. Didn't Dabi confessed on the live TV that he killed 30 peoples include innocent people?"

This point concerned Twice, why are you switching the subject on Dabi ?

"The hero shouldn't kill the villain but the villain can kill the hero?"

When your job is literally neutralizing criminals without killing them, that you can effortlessly subdue them at any point and that they are trying to run away, yes stabbing them in the back is rationally not justified, in addition to being also outright fucked up.

"I can't take the logic because look at Batman and Joker."

Yes and Batman isn't in the wrong for not murdering him. I've already had this debate hundreds of times, I won't refute the same eternal bs arguments once again.

"Eye for an eye."

Believe it or not but most modern societies have evolved over the last few centuries beyond this childish and stupid approach of justice.

Also for someone who truly wanted the LoV to live, it's strange that you're reasoning exactly like the people who wanted them dead.

You know, I think this ending would have been slightly less of a fucking disappointment if the heroes hadn't been so unfairly favored by Horikoshi compared to the villains. I mean, seriously

Deku destroys every bone in his body multiple times throughout the story and is warned that if he continues, he'll permanently lose the use of his limbs ? Everything's fine, his body's just got used to being reduced to a bloody pulp somehow so there's no consequences for him. In fact even when he literally loses his arms to Shigaraki, he gets them back two minutes later thanks to Eri because guess what ? Her horn still works even when cut off from her body. How convenient.

Gran Torino gets his ribcage obliterated by Shigaraki ? Don't worry guys, he'll survive that despite his old age and injuries, and this to have no particular role in the plot afterwards.

Bakugo dies heroically trying to buy time before Deku arrives ? Lmao, did you really believe it ?? No of course not, Edgeshot just uses his last-minute Deus Ex Machina to save his life at the cost of his own and- Oops nope he's fine too, my bad !

Hawks murders a criminal fleeing for his life in cold-blood ? The best Hori has to offer is him completely free and in charge of the HSPC.

And no, losing his quirk isn't a real consequence for him because not only it literally played a major part in saving the world with Vestige!Hawks raising an insurrection among AFO's quirks, but also because his quirk has always been the element through which people exploited him.

Endeavor abused his family for years and completely destroyed his eldest son ? No jail time and no media backlash for that, the only blame he received was due to the heroes' failure to stop the League during the Raid Arc.

And don't even get me started on this bs about facing hell or whatever for what he's done : He's literally free and wealthy ; he has Rei, Fuyumi, Shoto, his sidekicks and Hawks on his side ; and all the difficulties he's apparently going to suffer are off-screened.

Deku had to sacrifice OFA and his future hero career to save the world ? Guess what, Bakugo invested all his time and money to make him an Iron-Man suit and now he can still be a hero with everyone else.

There are plenty more examples of this but I think you get the idea. Now let's take a look at the villains' ending :

Toya is now a piece of charcoal kept artificially alive for the few years he has left, unable to move a finger, and whose few minutes a day during which he can stay awake will be spent talking to his father who abused him as a child.

Toga, a literal teenager, killed herself to save Ochako and because she knew it's still better than rotting at Tartarus her whole life.

And not only did she die but she did by bleding to death. Let me repeat for those who have trouble grasping what I've just said : In a manga where the heroes can survive having their heart blown to bits, being impaled Kakyoin-style or smashed against buildings like a fly on a windshield, one of the main antagonists died of a fucking hemorrhage…

As for Shigaraki, after learning that his very birth and all the tragedies of his life have been orchestrated by AFO, after all this development and narrative promises about him being saved in the end... Deku just kills him.

Because despite all his speeches about saving him, it seems like the best our MC could do was beating him both physically and mentally until he crumbles to dust…

Compress on his side is apparently locked up for life and kept alive by machines too.

A begging Kurogiri tried in a desperate attempt to save Shigaraki, only to be unceremoniously blown up by Bakugo and dying off-screen without anyone giving a shit, including Aizawa and Mic.

And Spinner will now spend the rest of his life struggling with the extra quirks inside him that affect his body and mind, while having to cope with the thought that his boyfriend best friend and companions have either died alone or are locked away for life in horrifying circumstances.

Clearly not the same as with the heroes...

Now don't get me wrong, even if they suffered just as much from the consequences of their actions or the plot as the League, this ending would still be a disaster in terms of writing but AT LEAST it wouldn't reek that much of hypocrisy.

[softxsuki]

Hi! May I request a Valentine's letter from Gojo Satoru, Jujutsu Kaisen, for a fem!platonic reader? The reader is a civilian. I would prefer if he addressed the reader as "my friend" instead of using her name. I want the letter to be bittersweet and angsty, sort of like him saying goodbye and apologize for not getting in touch with her for so long (cause, well, he was sealed, so) . I imagine he wrote the letter after he got unsealed and before fought Sukuna because he lowkey hinted at the fact that he knew he was going to die. Well, yeah, something like that.

Please and thank you in advance 🫶

Goodbye Letter from Gojo to His Friend

This event is now CLOSED, but you can view the masterlist for the other letters here.

| Pairing: Gojo x Fem!Reader (platonic) | Genre: Just devastation really| Post-Type: Letter | Word Count: 640 |

Warnings: heart wrenching angst, spoilers for people who aren’t caught up to the manga! Bad ending …

Note: I’m seeing a trend where you all want me to cry and suffer while writing these…who hurt you guys this year 😭

You sigh, checking your phone for what felt like the millionth time.

Did you do something wrong? Was he okay? It had been over a month since you last heard from Gojo, and you couldn’t help but worry. He had let you in on the world he lived in; the reality of curses and sorcerers and the like–but it had answered so many unanswered questions you had about things. He was someone who kept you safe, made you laugh, and who you could trust with your life.

The strongest. That’s what he had called himself…so he had to be fine. Right?

What went wrong? Where was he? Why hadn’t he reached out to you?

You get up and decide to check the mail, better get moving to distract your mind than rot with these haunting thoughts. You open your door and collect the contents of your mailbox, closing the door and throwing yourself back on your couch.

Bills, bills, student loans, bills, spam…and a letter from…Gojo?

Your heart stops and you sit up a little straighter, discarding the other envelopes to the other side of the couch, quickly opening the letter;

My Precious Friend,

I’m sorry for keeping you in the dark for so long. Did you miss me? It’s moments like these where I can’t help but think of you. You’re doing well aren’t you? Perhaps writing this is a bit selfish of me…but I felt guilty just disappearing on you. I wish I could get the chance to tell you what happened in person…but let's just say I was stuck somewhere for a bit and just finally got free. 

By now, my fate is probably already sealed. As I write this, I’m off to face my greatest challenge yet. A challenge I felt confident about facing before, but things are complicated now. You’ve been a dear friend to me, you tolerated my dramatics and laughed with me, listening to me moan on and on about those damn elders…so thank you for being a better friend than I could have ever asked for.

I guess I wrote this to you to help you move on? As much as I’d like to keep my friend all to myself…If I haven’t shown up at your door by now, then it probably means I can’t…Am i spilling too much about this to you? Maybe, but I need you to know. 

Don’t wait for me anymore.

I hope only for your safety and happiness, that’s all. My friend…my lovely, wonderful friend. One of the few who have been a true friend to me, please stay well.

This is goodbye, until we meet again one day, hopefully.

Love, 

Satoru :3 

You couldn’t control the sobs escaping your lips. What happened to being the strongest? He was supposed to be undefeatable? Why?? Why had he left you all alone?

It was obvious that he was gone from this world. He should have been back by now if he was okay, smiling at you and teasing you like he always did.

Would you ever learn the truth behind why he left? Why he was gone? Would you never see him again?

Your heart felt empty. Your anxieties for the past few weeks had all been accurate in worrying. You should have left to look for him yourself…but then what? You were a normal human, no cursed energy, no super strength, nothing…Why couldn’t you do more for your friend who had done so much for you?

“Goodbye Satoru,” you choke out, hot tears running down your face. A small part of you couldn’t help but hope that one day you’d see him again. Whether it be in this life, in the next life, or in the afterlife, he was your friend. Yours. And no one would replace the mark that he left in your life.

Posted: 2/14/2025

[jillsandwhichs]

What We Gain/Book 1/Levi x Reader, Chapter 1, Trost

Masterlist

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x F!Reader

Summary: One moment, you and the Levi squad are out on a mission and then the next, you are all fighting in Trost to protect not only the Cadet Corp, but the citizens too

WC: 2.1k

Rating: Mature/Gore/Eventual smut

A/n: Hi! Hope you all enjoy. Please check out my masterlist, there's a lot of stuff there. You can get to know me, you can see the rules of my blog and then you can see all of my fanfictions. You'll be able to find the previous chapters to this fic and upcoming ones. You'll also be able to find my Wattpad & AO3. Comments, reblogs & likes are appreciated. Thank you

That all too familiar fierce look overcame your face. It's your battle stare. All that remains on your mind is 'kill or be killed' and you'd rather commit to the first option. All that matters in moments like these is yourself and the safety of others - and of course-killing these bastards called Titans. You can't wait to slice the napes of these bad boys.

Not even ten minutes ago, you and the Levi squad were out on a mission alongside captain Erwin and commander Hange among others, it was just a simple wall sweep and now, you must defend Trost. That damn Colossal Titan made an appearance again from what you've overheard and it's a sickening thing to hear. You figured that since five years have passed, the fucker would've died or disappeared. Of course you just had to be wrong.

Getting off of your horse-her name is Vera - you and the others left them behind near the East side of Wall Rose, just a bit from Trost. The last thing you all need is for your horses to be injured in some way. Levi set his horse beside yours, Oluo left his by Levi's and so on. It's just the five of you on this mission, amongst others such as Hange's squad which is a lower ranked squad beneath Levi's. His has always had the highest appraisal.

Hange got off of her horse and walked over to you while gazing at the bright blue sky and all of the rundown yet stable (most) buildings of the outer parts of Trost. "Ready for this? Been a minute, hm?" Hange asked you in her regular high pitched voice. You chuckled, "I'm ready. Always ready for the action." You responded, checking on your blades & ODM gear. It needs to constantly be in commission. If it isn't, you're done for.

Levi glared at both you and Hange before making a growl to himself. "Do you two want to die? Move it." Were his words before he suddenly flew up into the sky. At least his gear is working. You nodded to yourself and looked at Hange. "Be safe." You muttered to her in a low voice. "I always am, don't wo-" She stopped speaking as you suddenly took off after Levi, Petra by your side.

You felt the cool breeze blow against your face and body. It made you shiver. It wasn't just due to the cold, but your nerves as well. You may be a scout, yes, but you can't deny that your adrenaline is always pumping and you can have your nervous moments. But working for Levi, you better hide it and hide it well. He doesn't like slackers. You've had your fair share of his lectures and he doesn't let you off easy. He's only let you off easy once-you had your fair share of luck that day.

Each of you came in from different angles as you landed on a roughened up brown roof. You were sure it belonged to a random shop in town. Officially, this is the center of Trost.

Petra said something to Levi but you couldn't quite make it out. All you heard from him was orders for you to follow. "You go opposite of me, so left. Take out any titans you see, got it?" "Yes!" You replied in a loud tone before boosting yourself off of the roof. You saw Levi immediately going in for some kills. He doesn't mess around.

On your left, you only saw one titan. It was short with brown hair. It was an ugly motherfucker, you could hardly bear to stare at the thing. This is what you've trained for; Killing these little shits. You find joy in it, actually. Let's you blow off steam and release all of your lividness that buries deep within you. You're still very careful. One wrong move and you're dead. A Titan could chomp you up in seconds and you wouldn't even be able to comprehend that you've been eaten.

You connected your ODM gear to the Titan before swooping down and slicing its nape. You did it twice for good measure. The Titan fell to its knees. One down, most likely more to go.

In your peripheral view, you saw Eld and Oulo taking out a few bigger Titans. They are doing the dirty work. Levi only had two to handle. You couldn't see anymore from the left.

You looked around from all angles. Damn, did the cadet corps really handle most of the Titans? You hope some of these talented kiddos choose the scout regiment. It'll benefit both parties. You remember when you were just a teenager, living it high and free in the cadet corps. You didn't even know how fucking easy you had it. These kids won't realize it unless they join the scouts. The MP's and Garrisons have it easy as hell compared to what you and the others endure daily.

Retreating to a nearby rooftop, what caught your attention was saddening. The sight was Levi & Petra along with a fallen soldier. He seemed to be taking his last breaths. Levi was holding his hands and giving him what seemed to be a pep talk. You sighed deeply. It's never nice to see this happen. So often casualties happen and there's nothing you can do. Luckily the success rate of people living has increased. That's a sign, right?

You then saw Commander Erwin show up on his white horse. You had wondered where he had gone off too. Numerous of the right hand men were with him as well. You studied Levi's face and could tell it was one of displeasure. Erwin must've said something that irked him. You used your ODM gear to fly down by Petra and Levi. They didn't really acknowledge you and were too embedded by Erwin's words.

You listened in as well.

-

The sky has a darker tint now. The moon will eventually make its way opposite of where the sun once was. The sun is slowly beginning to set. There's still daylight out and that makes it easier to see and work. You've received intell about a young boy-Eren Yeager. It's all kind of a blur but from what you've been able to gather, he's a Titan! This made your blood boil. He must be eradicated immediately.

When you brought up ending the kid's life, Commander Erwin was quick to shut your statement down. "According to our Commander, we must keep the boy alive." That made you confused. Very puzzled. Why are we trying to keep a Titan alive? Levi had the same reaction.

Now, just you and Levi are heading towards your horses.

"Why are we keeping a Titan alive?" Levi grumbled to himself. You looked over at him and sighed. "Beats me." You scoffed. "You'd think Erwin would be with us." "You should know better. He has to do anything Pyxis wants him to do and plus, he just will." You nodded. "Yes. You're right." He isn't wrong. Erwin and Pyxis go way back.

You watched as Levi hoisted himself onto his horse and was clearly ready for action. "Where are you off to?" "To help the Garrison regiment, and to see what all of the fuss is about. How about you rendezvous with the rest of the others? I'll see you later." He said softly. "Okay. See you then." You waved goodbye. Levi began to trot away on his horse to put him somewhere safer and so that he could protect this Titan boy.

Gazing at Vera, you caressed her fur. "We best get going girl." You mounted her, tugging on her reins. "Hiyah!" She then began to trot you off to safety. You hope Levi will be okay.

-

You can't exactly recall what time it is, only that it is late. You've heard very little about what's all going down but from what Eld let you in on, Erwin & Levi are on their way to visit this Eren boy. Eren is currently in the custody of the Military Police. You don't know why entirely, probably because he could be a danger to society and its citizens. It's for the best, you presume.

Today has been a rather exhausting one. You've been awake since the crack of dawn, training and now literally battling Titans. Being a scout, especially under Captain Levi isn't an easy task, but you handle it with grace. You can't wait to hit the hay and seek rest. Oddly enough though, you can't get Levi off of your mind.

You suppose that isn't uncommon for you. He has always peaked your curiosity. He's just been different today, less strict and more on edge. Guess you can't complain though, it has made you feel less stressed and more focused on the duty at hand. Whenever Levi is yelling at you all and throwing out orders, you get overwhelmed so today was surprisingly one of the best from these past two years.

You were a part of the Cadet Corps for three years total. Now you've been with the scouts for about two years. A good five years like this will change you as a person. You never expected to join the scouts, joining the military police was your original idea. What changed your mind was meeting Hange and Erwin. They are rather convincing. You were in the top two of your group and they saw you fit for the scouts.

That's just about how this all began.

You weren't with Levi at first either. You were working under Hange, hence why you two are so close now. Only about six months ago did Erwin come to you about a squad change.

Flashback:

"I just think it would suit you better to work under Captain Levi Ackerman." Levi? That man is a bum from what you've heard. A total asshole. "What's wrong with Hange? I enjoy working under her." "That's the thing, you enjoy it. You shouldn't. You don't enjoy work." You scoffed at Erwin but quickly checked yourself. "Sir, with all due respect, don't you think enjoying your captain or commander will enable you to have a better work life?" You got him there.

"Starting next week, you will be working under Captain Levi." Erwin said sternly. You sighed deeply and nodded. "Yes sir. I understand." You then stood up. "I have one question." "Ask." "Why am I suddenly being switched to his squad?" "Is this a matter of wanting an ego boost?" What the hell did that mean? You turned around to face him, your eyebrows crinkling in confusion. "Mind my manners but what are you talking about?" Erwin chuckled at your words.

"You are aware that you are far too skilled to just be on Hange's squad, yes?" "Not really?" You laughed in confusion. You are lost here. "Hange has a great team, sure, but Levi's is for the elites. That is where you belong." Not going to lie, this was an ego boost; You weren't seeking it out though. "Oh... I see..." You nodded leisurely. "Go get some rest, it's late." Were Erwin's final words before he shooed you out of his personal office.

You closed the door behind you and rubbed your temples.

Please let all of the rumors about Captain Levi be dramatic.

End Flashback:

You swung open the door to the barracks. You walked into your room and immediately crashed onto the bed. You can feel how tired your legs are. Here at the HQ for the Survey Corps, the females and males have separate housing. Each person gets their own tiny bedroom, but they all share a bathroom. It's annoying but it's easy to deal with, especially being a female where you're all organized and prepped unlike the men around here.

You didn't even remove your gear. You just laid there in your uniform and everything. There was no reason to remove it. It'll be right back on tomorrow. Besides, you're too fatigued to take the time to remove it. You could feel your eyes beginning to flutter and falter until you then fell asleep.

Hitting the hay alas.

[bloopitynoot]

Reading TGCF: Chapter 38

For those who don't know, I am reading TGCF for the first time and sharing my thoughts!

If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.

Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag Bloopitynoot reads TGCF. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read BUT if you followed along with my SVSSS read, the rules and vibe are the same.

Getting a snow day as an adult absolutely hits different.

Due to the inclement weather my work closed! As per our collective, in these cases we do not work from home, but we do get paid for the day :D

Last night Skylar and I made a deal, if there was a "snow day" then we would open our valentine's day gifts a day early. This stunning glass teapot and the new cup (set of 4) were what Skylar got me!

I love them so much. I broke them in with the almond, rose, and amaranth tea :'3

Let's get into chapter 38!

okay! we're getting the backstory for the Human Face Disease! p163

The art :'3 I will say this is a much better depiction of the human face disease (imo) than the previous one we saw with the bandaged boy. You can really see the human face in this one. p164

We have established the disease is contagious as fuck, but I really want to know what caused it in the first place. p169

Wait is this inhuman tree-corpse where the guy (Lang Ying) buried his son? Also, ofc in the middle of an emergency they also have to deal with a war attack. p171

This is wild to me. The people would rather die than live with some marks on their face. So dramatic and fucked up. p173

Honestly, I would 100% believe it was a product of a curse too. Especially with no one from Yong'an getting the disease. p175

Feng Xin, LOL, this guy, "so we just order everyone to work out?" no my guy, that is not how this works. p177

"some old rules" is honestly genius. If two people arguing had to argue that way, I think the problems would be solved like 80% of the time. p180. Their old married couple bickering tactic, Xie Lian as couple's therapist.

I am struggling a bit of the messaging in this arc. It feels very much like it's "you cannot change fate" or "your actions are irrelevant". Like I am unsure what the theme I, because if it is one of both of those two, I call bullshit. p183

And another thing! This speech by Lang Ying about counting on himself instead is also wild. Why are the gods even a thing at this point if they can't do anything for people. p186

This is going south so fast with Lang Ying being marked for ascension/kinghood (is that a word, whatever it is now lol) and Xianle taking a hit with Xie Lian failing. p188

WHAT THE FUCK! I thought they just had face scars/marks. The faces are screaming and eating things now :(((((((((((((((((((((((((. OMG. Now I get why people would choose an exit. p189

WAIT. This white no-face has the face of Xie Lian??? What does this mean?? p200.

Why did this chapter end with so many exclamation points

What a wild ride, I feel like we are on the cusp of catastrophe now, I'm at this point, waiting for the roller coaster to crest and watch everything go downhill.

Gah!

[havocandcchaos]

THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS

Glinda is insanely flawed and insanely human, and she is us in the story. And so many people ignore that because it's uncomfortable. it's easier to say she's wholly good or wholly evil because then you can condemn her or praise her instead of stopping and looking in a mirror. The wizard was right when he said very few people are ok with moral ambiguities, and most of the audience doesn't fall into that category, and that's why so much of the musical is being diminished to simpler and easier terms. Which DEFEATS THE WHOLE POINT.

Glinda is easier to accept when she's evil. Elphaba is easier to accept when she's perfect. Fiyeros is easier to accept when he's madly in love. They're all easier to accept when they're not human.

Except the whole point is that they are.

Glinda is terrified the whole show, and that's what drives her. She's scared of being alone. She's scared of loving Elphie. She's scared of the world around her. She is scared of death. She's scared of losing Elphie. Ultimately, it's that last one that wins out because she loses Fiyero, and in her mind, she basically already lost Elphie, but she won't let her die, too. Not if she can help it. And then she can't help it. Elphaba Thropp is dead. And every single one of her fears came true. She was right the whole time. They were never gonna win. They were in a tragedy, and she knew it, and she was right about it. But by god, she's got nothing left to lose but her life, and frankly, she doesn't want it that much anymore anyway, so she takes up Elphaba's cause and she fights, and if it kills her then let it.

Elphaba makes mistake after mistake after mistake, but she's on the "right" side, so she's clearly perfect. Elphaba fails. Life for the Animals in Oz only gets worse, and sure, she saves a few people and changes a few minds, but at the end of the day, she isn't able to do much more than make things worse. She made things easier for Morrible and the Wizard. But she is the protagonist, so she is perfect instead of learning from her mistakes and realizing that revolutions don't work if you're only fighting for one small group without finding a way to loop in more people and make more people care.

(I believe humans are naturally empathetic. I also believe we have that beat out of us before we can walk. Most people aren't going to fight to change a system that isn't actively killing them. It can be hurting them or killing them slowly, but if they're not actively full of bullets, they're not going to exert the energy to change. And even if they are full of bullets, by then, they'll feel it's too late.)

And Fiyero, god bless him, is so dumb. That boy wants to die from the moment we meet him, and Elphaba gives him a way to do it. Yes, he loves her, but god, he's just tired, and he mostly just wants out, and if he can have that for a good cause, then all the better. There is a lot to learn from Fiyero, but when he's whittled down to a perfect man in love, he is no longer any different from every basic love interest and everything he brings is lost (just like he wanted it to be)

I cannot stress enough how much I love the movie and how much I love that it's becoming more mainstream because that means more content for me to consume about it, but oh my god, if I see one worse take about these characters, especially from people how HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN PART 2, I will start throwing hands.

If you simplify the characters, then you lose the whole point of their story, to begin with, and this story is too important for that. Especially right now. Especially when we're living Act 2. were not all Elphaba. Most of us are Glinda. And that's ok, so long as you use this story to learn from all of them and try to do better.

We can't lose them. Not right now.

This is all @polyarmy and @fiyeroba ‘s fault for making me sad about Glinda again so now I’m posting my whole Glinda Meta here (originally an obnoxiously long dm sent to @gamorahww who is a patient saint)

You’ve asked for it, and now you get……The Glinda Meta™

First: I have been obsessed w/ Glinda's character for like 15 years. She is my roman empire. But I also really LIKE her as a flawed character - something that the fandom has always seemed to be a little uncomfortable with.

She is, to me, what Jane Austen once wrote about Emma:

“I am going to write a heroine whom no one but myself will much like.”

Full meta character analysis under the cut. Uh. Strap in.

(This gets a lil long sorry, but PLEASE HEAR ME OUT -)

To me, the interesting thing is what actually - ACTUALLY - motivates Glinda to act the way she does is so much greater and deeper than a simple desire for success/fame/popularity.

Like obviously in literature/critique of narrative, we have this idea of protagonists vs supporting characters. Supporting characters might have philosophies or goals that drive them (think Nessa and Boq) but those philosophies and goals are usually not developed into self-contradictory nuance the way a protagonist's motivations are. They’re just facts about the character.

And in my option, a big problem in the wicked fandom is that everybody seems to treat Glinda as a supporting character whose motivations are easy to digest. To most fans, she's either the girlfriend who is there to support Elphaba's story by being "loving but conflicted." Or to critics she's entirely selfish and cruel (even as she's fun and interesting), and therefore a semi-antagonist

But if you step back and treat Glinda as a true antihero protagonist of Wicked (for the sake of the mental character study), you see that she's not actually motivated by love or popularity or even success....what drives her is desperation.

Glinda sees her world as a place that cannot be changed and will only work to destroy those who cannot correctly operate in it. And she is SO DESPERATE to avoid that. Elphaba's fate is actually her worst fear - she cannot break away from society and leap to a new fate, because she is the ultimate cynic who thinks there is no way that could possibly work. In fact, it's an enormous testament to her love (however you want to intepret that) of Elphaba that she's even willing to consider leaving during Defying Gravity. For a brief moment, her immense, incredible faith in Elphaba is almost enough to overcome her complete desperation to survive the horrible world she thinks she's in.

And that obviously means that she's not as noble as Elphaba or as brave as Fiyero as a character - she cannot make the choice to leave when both of them do at different points - but that's because she's the most "human" character in the story. Most people are not brave enough to become international terrorists, even in the face of great evil. We might join in a developed cause, but to knowingly walk towards what is likely one's death to change a system you know you’ll actually have very little effect on...that takes a very special kind of person. And while Glinda is a GOOD person, she is too much a cynic and too desperate to survive her crazy world to become that impossible standard of the Rebel or the Hero. She's just a flawed, scared girl, in circumstances she never dreamed she’d be in.

And then the craziest thing happens:

Rather than showing Glinda that she should have been brave and done what E and F did, the narrative instead goes and basically confirms all her darkest fears: Elphaba rebels...and her revolution fails, and Glinda loses her best friend to bitter hatred and insanity for most of Act 2. Fiyero decides to leave and do the right thing by going with Elphaba....and he is almost immediately murdered in a horrible, violent way as punishment for it. This can only reinforce for Glinda that the State/the System/the World is all-powerful, and she must bow to it.

But that's the most fascinating moment for her character, because the very moment she realizes the absolute overwhelming power of the system (March of the Witch Hunters) is also the very moment that chooses to die rather than perpetuating it. She leaves the City to approach Elphaba - whom Glinda thinks POSSIBLY WANTS TO KILL HER - and BEGS Elphaba to not die. Begs Elphaba to stop her self-sacrificial madness. Begs Elphaba to allow Glinda to sacrifice herself instead ("Then I'll go, I'll tell everybody the truth!" "No! They'll just turn against you!" "I DON'T CARE!" - this girl who is entirely motivated by survival is straight up throwing it all on the line ready to walk to her death at the hands of a mob with wide open, unblinking eyes)

And obviously, in doing so, she is making the same choice that Fiyero did earlier in the story, But the huge difference is that Fiyero is a classic case of a "dead from the beginning" character, and he does not have the same motivations as her. He starts as a nhilist already embracing death in Dancing Through Life and his character is not somebody who is desprate to survive - his character is driven by a desperation for a faith. And Elphaba (and her cause) is his faith that he happily martyrs himself for.

By contrast, Glinda is terrified of the system that is trying to kill her, and she is desperate to survive it. She sees the way it takes everything form her, again and again, destroying everything she loves - Elphaba, Fiyero, her own sense of goodness…

(And she is extremely genre-aware that she is in a tragedy: her world isn't fair, and she knows that Elphaba will fail. She knows this will all go wrong.)

But Glinda still has such strength of character that she - in the end - overcomes all of her fear, all of her weaknesses, and humbles herself at the pyre to join the people she loves so much in their fate. She both offers to die for Elphaba and she takes up Elphaba's work and dedicates her entire life to it, consequences be damned. And that comes from a place of ultimate love and goodness, despite all of her flaws and all the temptations dissuading her.

Because Glinda is not Elphaba or Fiyero - she isn't a starry-eyed optimistic rebel or a man with a obsessive, loving faith. She is just a girl. Just Emma. And she is extremely flawed, and has so many fears that push and pull at her in a way the other main characters do not experience. But despite being so painfully, humanly defective, her goodness allows her to do the right thing in the end.

tl;dr - the greatest thing about Glinda’s character is that she is flawed, and she is weak and makes all the wrong choices. But in the end, she humbles herself completely - to the point of offering her own life for Elphaba and taking the whole weight of the world on her shoulders despite all her fear - because she is ultimately good.

And thus in the end, she becomes the person that Elphaba so clearly sees her as throughout the story: good, caring, and able to make real change in the world. She will now try desperately to fully live up to Elphaba's incredible faith in her. And it's so heartbreaking and tragic, but also one of the best character arcs ever.

So I guess it's less "wants to stay safe in her bubble" and more "she sees no option other than to stay safe. The State/System is all-powerful and there is nothing she thinks she can do to change that. But the beauty of the character lies in her decision to step out of that bubble anyways."

—

BONUS: Glinda’s flaws in relation to her relationship with Elphaba

(Or why Gelphie is a devastating ship (romantically or not) but not in the way you think)

This section dedicated to the SJB/AA performance that just BREAKS ME.

Elphaba basically sees Glinda through some WILDLY rose-tinted glasses (which is just. such a fascinating insight into elphaba’s character). Which is why a good chunk of the fandom accepts it as fact that Glinda is ~not actually all that flawed~ or is somehow being forced to make the decisions she is (she is not. the narrative point of Fiyero’s character is to prove that lol)

Glinda is very much complicated and does make some truly terrible decisions. Elphaba just sees and believes the good in her, despite everything she does (because it’s also a fact of the story that - either platonically or romantically - she’s clearly a little in love with Glinda. (The passes she gives that girl…)). I don’t think her weird thing about Glinda is particularly rational, but it is undeniably all-consuming.

And that makes their relationship feel VERY human. Their flaws don't make them unworthy of each other’s love and respect and friendship. Elphaba's love of Glinda is pretty crazy in light of how much Glinda’s morals and choices differ from her own, but that’s the kind of love that real, sometimes illogical people have. Anybody trying to prove the logic or compatibility of the characters is kinda missing the point - it doesn’t make sense, and THAT’S how you know it’s love.

(Brief aside: similar to Elphaba’s obsession with Glinda, Fiyero is also irrationally obsessed with Elphaba. I mean, she kinda sucks at the whole revolution thing (she's trying!!) and he's clearly starry-eyed ignoring a LOT of her flaws lol. In contrast - for better or worse, Glinda does see Elphaba's flaws and calls them out, just as Elphaba sees Fiyero's flaws and calls him out. It’s a nice little circular relationship)

But…but….is it gay???

Sure. I think so - but I’m a lesbian who has shipped it since I was a preteen lol. But that’s also NOT THE POINT, and focusing on only the romantic angle of their relationship REALLY ignores just how layered and complex it is.

Taking off my squee shipping glasses for a minute: they’re fundamentally just two people in some version of an EXTREMELY intense relationship. I honestly think Glinda reads as a little terrified of how insanely intense her relationship is with Elphaba. She fears walking down that road and fully falling into that intense, all-consuming love. (And we literally learn why later through Fiyero’s ‘death’ and Elphaba’s insanity - love makes you do some crazy things, and Glinda can’t afford that in this world.)

Regardless of whether you interpret them romantically or not - it’s clear they’re very intense about each other and Glinda is very afraid that Elphaba is her weakness. Unfortunately, Elphaba is also her soulmate and the love of her life, and she’ll always come back again. That fact will ruin Glinda’s life in the end, but it will have been worth it for all the love that was there

[vickypersch]

Dallas Winston NYC Headcanon

Here's my little hc (this is actually an excerpt from a fanfic I've been writing 🙂‍↔️) on Dally's time in New York! (+ how he got there, why he left, etc) I honestly have no idea how close this is to being canonically accurate but this is what my brain decided. In this hc, the gang are childhood friends. Dally knows them before he takes off in this scenario (idk if that's canon, it is in my heart).

Anyway, I was told I should share (thank you @rinajjbp 🫡). Please lmk y'all think. 😙🫶🏻

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

He thought back on his ten-year-old self. He’d had enough of his drunk of a father using him as a punching bag and decided to find his mom. She had run out on them when Dally was maybe four or five, so long ago he barely remembered her. He just had a picture, a name, and the knowledge that she lived in New York City. That was enough to make him believe he could find her. On the night he decided to leave, Dally waited until the old man was passed out next to the radio. He riffled through his wallet, taking all of the cash he could find, and swiped his last pack of cigarettes before walking right out the front door.

 If Dally was honest with himself, once he finally found her, he realized that she wasn’t much better than his dad. However, her rare moments of kindness were enough for Dally to stick around for a few years – even if she did knock him around a little here and there, especially when she drank too much. But she took him in with almost no questions asked. When she felt like being nice, she’d encourage him to go to school and tell him to stay out of trouble. He struggled with that last one and Dally somehow found himself in the most trouble of his short life. The first time he was arrested was shortly after he arrived at his mom’s apartment. Dally was used to being able to snatch whatever he wanted from the drugstore back in Tulsa and get away with it. He figured out quickly that the same rules did not apply in New York. 

So, instead of cleaning up his act, Dally just got better at stealing. He figured out new tactics and new ways to deceive people. By the time he was almost eleven, Dally was in and out of the county jail like it had a revolving door. Though, this was just the beginning of his mischief. After getting involved with a gang, he found out what real trouble was. For a while he just observed. He was the youngest of their group and wanted to figure out how to stake his claim as a real member. He watched the older boys pickpocket people out on the streets. He watched them jump kids in other gangs for no good reason. He practically took notes when the others would lie, cheat, and steal their way through everything. Once Dally figured out his role in the group, he joined in on any of the action he could. Soon enough, he was jumping people and pickpocketing easy targets. They’d get drunk and smoke dope when there was no fighting to be done. 

It was all fun and games until Dally witnessed a drug deal gone wrong. Shots were fired and he watched as one of his friends crumpled to the ground. It was a difficult sight to stomach at the age of just thirteen, and before Dally could be next, he left. He walked home in the November cold, and couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that he had just watched someone die. His friend. One of the older boys that had taken Dally under his wing. He showed him the ropes of the gang, and helped him out the first time Dally was jumped. Someone who had done so much for him was just gone now. 

When he got home that night, his mom was passed out on the couch. He didn’t notice the sleeping pills spilled out on the floor, or the empty bottle of vodka that had rolled underneath the couch. The only thing he could see was the image of his buddy, someone he knew in real life, collapsed to the ground in a puddle of his own blood. He had never felt such suffocating rage before. He’d experienced loss in the gang, but not like this. This was different. He wanted to scream, he wanted to beat the hell out of someone, he had even wanted to cry. Dally didn’t sleep that night. He stared at the ceiling, not being able to get that horrible image out of his head. The next morning when Dally emerged from his room, he found his mother still lying on the couch. When she didn’t yell at him to shut the hell up as he shuffled around the kitchen, he figured she was dead too. 

He didn’t feel the need to cry or scream the way he had the night before. He didn’t want to rage and use violence as a coping mechanism. He cleaned up the sleeping pills and vodka bottle, and sat down on the floor in front of her and took in her features one last time. Her eyes were closed, and her blonde hair covered half of her face. He never thought he looked a lick like her, until his eyes caught her pointed ears and instinctively he touched his own. It was the one thing they shared, and while he couldn’t find it in him to cry over his mother’s death, he’d hold this near to him for a while. He observed her a little bit longer, wishing he knew if she had done this on purpose or not. But it didn’t matter, she was dead either way, and the stillness of her body was beginning to creep him out. 

So, Dally gathered up what he would need to get back to Tulsa and headed out. He silently thanked his mother for the time they had together, even if she had been a drunk. At least she cared some of the time. He hoped that when he made it back to Tulsa, his old friends would still be there. And this was the one time that Dally felt like luck was on his side. It was just barely daylight still when he hopped off that Greyhound bus. It had been a few years, but he knew which side of town he belonged on as if it were engraved into his bones. He tracked his way back to the Curtis house.

He stopped for a moment, readying himself for the chaos that would ensue when they found out he was back. Mrs. Curtis greeted him first, she wrapped her comforting arms around him and held him tightly. Then Mr. Curtis gave him a firm clap on the shoulder before pulling him into a hug. All three brothers were next, engulfing him in the biggest hug Dally had ever experienced. He wasn’t one for physical touch, but it was nice to know he had been missed. He was thankful they hadn’t forgotten about him. 

Dally almost didn’t recognize any of the Curtis boys. They had all grown so much in the time he was away. Darry was sixteen now, learning how to drive. He had shot up about a foot and was playing football. Soda was still as happy-go-lucky as ever, and made sure to let Dally know that middle school is awful and gave him a long list of things he will hate about going to school there. Pony, meanwhile, had discovered a new hobby in the last three years; story writing. He showed Dally all of his journals with all kinds of different stories written in them. Most of the time Dally would tell him to buzz off, but he humored him just this once. He was certainly happy to be back where he knew he belonged.

[wrathyforest]

Today's performance with Wang Yifei, Zuo Yiping and Guo Hongxu <3 LC-mu knows how to resurrect me, my mental health is holding only thanks to them.

[iknowwhereyousnoozeatnight]

tennis

[ajmakoko]

Because of a beef of 2 possible psyops happening on TikTok that blew up in the last day or so.

Where one creator was anti-Democrat and explaining why they voted 3rd party. Then was told that they hurt trans ppl if they didn't vote for Kamala because Trump will hurt transppl more including with medicaid cuts. The first creator said they didn't care because to them Kamala still supports genocide in Gaza so they couldn't vote for her but they understood why other trans ppl might due to their medical needs.

Then another creator (that truscum overwhelmingly supports) got mad about this and said that they weren't really trans, they look cis so they aren't affected by trans legislation, that ciswomen aren't harmed by anti-trans laws, that transitioning should be equated with medical transition partially for medical treatment reasons and partially for reasons relating to how society sees them. They also emphasized AGAB a lot, even though this info wasn't disclosed or particularly relevant (they assumed AGAB) and then went on a rant about specifically AFAB people who are nonbinary (some TERFy rhetoric tbh). When called out for this, they and their defenders say that the 2nd creator is a black transwoman, the most in danger of all trans ppl from Trump's policies, so no one is allowed to disagree with her. And to go back to the voting topic, ig they don't see the inherent fascism in demanding someone vote how you demand - that that takes away the point of a vote in the first place.

This has caused an explosion of transmedicalism debate. It's still ongoing. Unfortunately, the transmedicalism side has significantly more creators making videos and talking about it. Like really really unfortunately. And the takes are so bad - tbh I didn't expect the regression I'm seeing in education, civil rights, food safety, science, history, etc, to also affect trans education/discourse online but it really has.

For the record, I am genderfluid, do not support transmedicalism, understand gender affirming care can look like many things, hang with homeless trans ppl and trans ppl from many different backgrounds, voted for Kamala. I strongly believe in civil rights and making sure everyone gets the right to vote how they want. I think it was obvious Trump was and is horrifyingly bad. I have had a hard time being chill with people who didn't vote out of apathy (not protest) or who voted for Trump, but truly I tend to blame the Democrats for not earning those voters, and even if they had gotten everything 3rd party vote, they wouldn't have won most likely. Attacking 3rd parties does nothing politically for Dems.

The solution is not then to police votes, but to earn them. Like do your jobs, Dems.

But instead they policed the first creator's trans status and tried to argue with them via appeal to authority for some reason (arguably emotional abuse), and invalidating and gatekeeping them. Like with really transphobic stuff, too. Ig the 2nd creator is an established trans creator (I've never heard of her but I do more in the drag scenes than whatever this creator is involved in), and have been accused of transmedicalism in the past. This creator I guess also has a LONG history of saying TERFy, self hating trans things (according to critics, idk, its just what I read) and has been in controversies for years about hateful things she said about NonBinary folx (I have since learned).

And so maybe at least 1 creator is a psyop meant to make trans ppl want to die. I certainly felt extremely extremely shitty after reading that discourse, when previously I was happy with who I am and my gender as described (and I am doing better now that I've regulated some). Particularly upsetting was the alienating transmedicalism trying to gaslight me that, for instance, homeless trans people who cannot access doctors are somehow advantaged. Brandon Teena was somehow advantaged being AFAB when he was murdered, because he wasn't on hormones so technically he could have passed as a woman if he wanted to or needed to. Really seemed to help him a lot, all that privilege (/s). And if he were still alive, would he be forced to vote how random people tell him who claim they are more disadvantaged than him, even though there's no real way to compare? I mean, that he was murdered kinda shows he was less advantaged than the annoying content creators making money off our suffering demanding we vote in a particular way.

Fuck this timeline.

Why am I seeing a rise in transmedicalism and truscum bullshit? I thought we were past this.

[gayofthefae]

Girl, I'm so sorry, but if you he really was gonna tell her he loved her before Argyle interrupted them, I would not want somebody to say to me

"I guess, I just, I don't know, I guess I just wanted to say that I love you."

You guess you love me? What, you don't know? Be sure then come back to me.

[peachyutdr]

i finished it, was kicked out of the game, and then spent the next 10 minutes drawing this. i will now go take a shower, most likely cry, and then go through the emotional turmoil of convincing myself to reset so i can do a geno run. i hate it here :D