#but that's fine so long as i get that sweet sweet serotonin

[jadeleechwife]

the twst 1st years with a sensitive/ticklish s/o? 👉👈

hiiii thank you for your request ♡ I hope u like it !! I didn't include ortho because I don't feel comfortable with!! sorry for the bad grammar

Ace Trappola

- oh boy you're SO COOKED

- as he is always a brat, it didn't took longer for him to find out that you were really ticklish (that was even before you two enter in a relationship)

- before you were dating he was a tease about that but not that much, only tickling you in some specific situations to get the upper hand

- but when you start dating.... I'm so sorry for you

- he will tickle you at ANY given opportunity: to win arguments, to convince you of something, to call your attention when he is needy or just when he is simply bored

- as much as he loves teasing you to see you scolding him while squirming your body as he touchs your sensitives spots, he can't help but admit (to himself) that he just simply loves hearing your laughter echoing in his ears

- your smile, your laugh, that became his daily dose of serotonin, so he can't help but search for his dose every single day ♡

Deuce Spade

- honestly it really took a while for him to find out that you were ticklish

- as he was too embarrassed to touch you as he didn't want to make you uncomfortable, it took some time until he finally took a step to start touching you

- it was one of these times that he accidentally touched a sensitive spot, so you instinctively flinched

- he immediately stopped and became a stuttering mess, apologizing and avoiding your gaze

- you just laughed and reassured him that you were just ticklish, and he did nothing wrong

- he stopped for a bit processing the information but didn't know what to do about that

- putting a devilish smile, you asked him if he was also ticklish and threatened with your hands to look for his ticklish spots

- he pouted and blushed saying he has none but you still kept going, starting tickling him

- he started laughing and saying to stop, and as you were not stopping, he tackles you on the couch and started tickling you

- seeing you laugh non stop with your sweet voice made him the happiest in that moment, it made him think how much he adored you

- after that, to sometimes tease you he tickles you a bit, just to hear your laugh again

Jack Howl

- it also took a while for him to figure out you were ticklish

- he didn't touch you too much, but not because he was embarrassed, it's because he didn't want to break any boundaries

- eventually you convinced him that yes he can touch you and that you yearn for his touch

- at first he put his tsundere facade on, but he finally gave in and started touching you more

- in one those moments he saw you suddenly flinched and he immediately blushed from embarrassment and apologized

- you reassured him that you were just ticklish and everything was fine

- he was a little wary about that, thinking it was just an excuse to hind your discomfort, but then he calmed down and proceed to cuddle you again

- but again you flinched and laugh as he touched again a sensitive spot, making him surprised

- he asked how many sensitive spots did you have and proceed to touch as many spots as possible to see how ticklish you are

- and boy how you laughed, you were extremely ticklish

- completely flabbergasted, he scolded you for not having the ability to hide that you had so many "weak" spots, and that people could take advantage of it

- you just smiled and hugged him, saying that you didn't mind at all if it's him taking that advantage

- he blushed and looked away saying that you didn't hear him at all but couldn't help but hug you back

- oh what he should to with you.... he just loves you so much that's it

Epel Felmier

- he found out you were ticklish pretty easy

- as much as he was a little embarrassed to touch you at first, he couldn't help but wanting to cuddle you as soon as possible

- as you were cuddling, it didn't took too long until he touched a sensitive spot

- the moment you said you were ticklish.... oh boy he immediately putted his devilish grin

- and in a heartbeat he started tickling you non stop

- after that, don't you think that was over, in every cuddle section he always like to tickle you at the more unexpected moments

- you would be enjoying the cute moment between you two then BAM he suddenly tickles you

- yeah he is a completely brat about it but you can't help but still lowkey enjoyed

- after all he is soooo cute when he is putting his devilish act

- you kiss the tip of his nose fondly just to make him a blushing a mess

- ..... and to retaliate he keeps tickling you, tenfold

bonus: you both have daily tickles fights after cuddle sessions!!!

Sebek Zigvolt

- as much as sebek loves you, he can't help but admit that you are a goddamn brat

- you always love to tease and tickle him at any given opportunity, specially when malleus is around

- he always scolds you, but it's not like as you hear anything he said (despite his really loud voice), so you still keep doing over and over again

- one day, when he was in ramshackle dorm, you started again tickling and teasing him while you both were just relaxing on the couch when he suddenly gets up

- with his most imperative voice, he declares a tickle fight!!! the one who surrenders to the tickles first will admit defeat and accept any possible tickles for the rest of the month!!

- and so you were doomed.

- sebek immediately started a tickle fight and as much as you tried hard to find his sensitive spots, he was holding back his reactions and not flinching at all

- as for you... it took seconds for you to burst into laughter until u get so helpless to the tickles

- putting his triumphant grin, he declares his victory and his prize, saying to never underestimate him

- you pout, saying that was an unfair match as you were really ticklish

- he teases you saying to never pick a fight if your weakness is too exposed and say for you to be prepared as this was just the beginning of your punishment

- you sigh and lift your hands in defeat as you get up and go in his direction

- he immediately gets defensive thinking you wanted a secret rematch but you just kiss his cheek fondly

- he blushes saying that this wouldn't make him change his mind about your punishment but you just smile saying that you just wanted to kiss him as prize for winning

- his eyes softened as he sighs saying that he welcomes this kind of prize any time♡

[hoezhatelola]

bakugou was the type of boyfriend who always put you first. any lingering eyes that explored your form in their minds were set straight, to say the least. your favorite moments with him were the ones that just had the two of you.

yes, you loved that late nights he’d spend rubbing gentle circles on your clit in the darkness of your room whilst whispering dirty words into your ear. you lived for his hands squeezing your hips and his tongue digging deep into your cunt.

you also loved the nights where you’d pass out on the couch waiting for him to come home from hero work, and you’d wake up around 1 a.m. to him lifting you up like his sweet, precious doll, and bringing you to your shared bed. he’d always take care to wrap you up first and adjusting your pillows how he knows you like them.

after he’d make sure you were good and comfortable, he’d gently get into bed right next to you and wrap an arm around your waist, spooning you from behind.

your eyes fluttered open for a moment, and we’re met with the complete darkness of the room. you could faintly smell bakugou’s cologne and you could feel his breath on your neck.

“kats?” you muttered tiredly, backing up further into his chest. his hand caressed your head and brushed a few strands of hair behind your ear. you melted into his touch as tired butterflies erupted in your chest.

“i’m here, baby. go to sleep, my love.” he said in your ear, planting a few kisses on your neck, jaw, and cheek. he squeezed you into him even closer, and you giggled.

“can you even breathe, kats?” you asked, turning around slightly to only see the outline of his face from within the darkness.

“mhm,” he muffled a reply with a low chuckle.

you pulled your head away in attempt to help him breathe, but he took a large hand and pulled you closer once more. “stop moving awayyy,” he hummed.

“kats, i know you can’t breathe with my hair all in ya face stop lying,” you laughed, still sleepy. he shook his head and breathed in the scent of your fresh shampoo.

he lived for moments like this, and so did you. his heart was now beating at 90 mph in his chest, the sound of your gentle laughter filling him with a rush of serotonin. he loved you more than the world, but his job as a pro-hero was time consuming. he wished he could spend more time with you, but there’s not much he can do to change his random schedules.

“i’m fine.. now sleep baby,” he muttered into your head, getting sleepy himself.

you hummed in response, drifting away once more into his arms.

“but wait,” he said after a moment, “i love you,” he added. a smile appeared on your tired expression. you looked back and planted a droopy kiss onto his lips.

“i love you more… and back up because i know you can’t breathe you liar.” you joked more. he ignored your protests and nuzzled further into your warmth.

“who says i need to breathe to live? as long as i have you i’m fine.”

quick lil bakugou fluff 💕 i’m obsessed w this man.

[taesanluv3r]

build-a-bear.

kim woonhak x reader

idol! woonhak x non-idol! reader, established relationship. based on this woonhak scenario i wrote a while back!! cuss words, first i love yous. lowercase intended. pls excuse any spelling mistakes or grammatical errors. enjoyy <3

wc: 3,324

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖

"fine then." - "fine!"

those were the last two words kim woonhak and yn ln had spoken to each other before she had slammed her front door shut on his face, before he had angrily turned around and begun walking towards the exit of her apartment building, before she had shut her blinds and stuffed her head deep into her white sheets, staining the fabric with silly little tears.

they didn't want to fight. in fact, the young couple rarely ever did so in the first place. however, with the newly debuted idol boy's rising fame, and the girl's growing insecurities, it was almost inevitable this one particular argument was going to come up onto the surface of their otherwise wholesome relationship.

you see, yn and woonhak have known each other for ages now. when he first started showing signs of his dream career, she was the first to support him- heck! she even came to all the auditions with him and gave him endless moral support. similarly, he was always there for her, accompanying her when she had to study late for an exam, or even sending her chocolates and other sweets when it was that time of the month. the pair have mutually liked each other forever, and they both knew that as well. it didn't take them long at all before they started officially dating, sharing one awkward kiss under the moonlight before he left again to the next city over to start the preparations for his coming debut.

from then on, she started seeing him less and less. their daily conversations on the phone had become simple good night and good morning texts that don't really give her much of a serotonin boost anymore. she missed him, and she always let him know. he missed her too, he just didn't have the time to tell her. she'd complain about it, "you don't have time for me anymore, huh?" and he'd furrow his eyebrows, "i have a job to do, yn. i thought you supported me the most?" then she'd gasp, taken aback by his words, her own eyebrows knitting together and her eyes almost glowing red in anger. for a second, she saw the way his eyes watered, like he knew he was wrong. but kim woonhak was stubborn, quickly shaking away that look and mimicking her own furious one. and that's how it happened. that's how they ended up in this battle of silence, secretly waiting for the other to break and end this cold war they didn't even want in the first place.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖

woonhak sighs as he finally takes off his shoes. schedules ended earlier and the boy still had practically the whole day to do whatever he wanted. he watched as his members went their own ways, leehan and riwoo heading to some cafe, taesan locking himself up in his studio as per usual, sungho going out to see a movie, and jaehyun...sitting on the couch in the middle of a very serious fifa game.

"so where you headed, broski?" jaehyun suddenly asks the boy, still not looking away from the TV screen. "going to see your girlfriend? or are you still not talking to her like an idiot?" he snickered, earning a big eye roll and middle finger directed at his face from the younger boy. "i don't know hyung...i mean i obviously want to see her...but i'm not sure how she'll forgive me when i've been such an asshole" woonhak says, slumping himself down on the spot beside the older member. "just...ah-!" jae cut himself off when he misses a goal in the video game, "just go get her a gift or something- don't girls like that stuff?" once again the younger one rolls his eyes, but he nods at his leader's suggestion. "i guess you're right hyung...i'm gonna go to the mall and find something" and with that the kim boy gets up, slipping back on his shoes and grabbing himself a cap to cover up his messy hair before running out the door and down the building to call himself a taxi.

woonhak arrives at the mall, dragging his feet solemnly as he passed by multiple young couples on dates. "seriously...it's not even valentine's day...why is everyone out on a date here right now?!" he grumbled to himself, probably looking like a big ol' loser to the outside eyes that felt like they lingered on him as he walked. the boy circles the mall for what he swore were hours but he found nothing at all that was worthy enough to gift his angry girlfriend. "ugh..." the boy groans as he's one step closer to giving up and just meeting with her empty handed like the idiot that everyone kept saying he was. however, all those doubts immediately exited his head when a familiar large sign appears in his line of sight. it's bright yellow with a giant brown bear and beside it in big blue lettering, it read:

build-a-bear workshop.

"perfect!" he almost said too loudly as his eyes gleamed and began to sparkle. in the moment it seemed as though a big bright light-bulb had gone off in his head, his large feet padding against the floor and taking him into the kid's doll factory. the boy's eyes were wide and his mouth hung opened as he took in his surroundings. a huge variety of stuffed animals, in all kinds of shapes, sizes, and designs stood against every corner of the shop. on high shelves, rows and rows of clothes, all perfectly tailored to fit the standard plush toy size.

woonhak didn't know where to start. the loud speakers that played recent k-pop hits, mixed with the sound of little kids running around and dragging their parents in and out of the store made his ears ring and head hurt a little. his finger grazed against the wood as he scanned through every skin you could pick for your toy, there were cats, dogs, even moths! but one thing in particular caught the boy's attention. right there in the very corner of the store, just a simple brown bear. there was only one left in stock and it was just perfect. it's fur was light brown, it's legs were slightly longer than it should be, and it had the sweetest set of little dark brown orbs for eyes. even if he tried to, woonhak couldn't deny the fact that the teddy was nearly the spitting image of himself.

"okay, now rub the heart against your chest, hold it in your palms and give it your best wishes!" the tall guy's cheeks turn bright red as he follows the bear stuff-er's instructions, praying to god no one recognized him beneath his cap and beginning to regret doing all of this in the first place. it was all over in a second though, the bear being all stuffed up, it's heart and a little recording he did all wrapped up warmly inside it's cotton flesh. now it was time to dress it. woonhak hasn't really had any experience dressing anyone but himself, so it was really hard for him to not dress the plush toy like it had just raided his own closet. and so, naturally, the boy chooses a light blue jersey and a miniature pair of denim jeans, a cute pair of black sunglasses as an add-on accessory to it's look as well.

"now, all that's left to do is to name it...but what..." he mumbles to himself, tapping his fingers against the surface of the table that was much much shorter than him. "hey mister" a squeaky voice, and the feeling of his sweatshirt getting tugged down shakes him out of his thoughts. "huh?" he asked, looking down to meet eyes with a little girl. "mister, that doll looks just like you!" her eyes disappeared as she smiled- well, if you could even see them under her thick bangs that messily decorated her forehead, and she shot him a toothy grin. "me?" the boy asks, beginning to smile too at the sweet girl. "mhm!" she says finally before running away. "great..." he says, smiling proudly at himself as he begins to type out the teddy's name for it's birth certificate.

"there you go, have a nice day and come again soon!" woonhak nods, thanking the cashier before leaving the store. "like hell i'm going in there again..." he whispers to himself, the image of his own self awkwardly pressing kisses onto a miniature plastic heart in the middle of a kid's store flashing in his head as he began to walk out of the mall and into a cab. he's on his way back to the dorm now, trying his best to stuff the build-a-bear box in his large tote-bag so that his group members wouldn't see it. cause if they ever did, he'd never ever hear the end of it. woonhak throws his shoes off on the rack, quickly making his way over to his bedroom and trying his best to avoid his hyungs that were playing together in the living area. "so, what you got there, woonagi~?" leehan called out from the bean-bag on the floor. "yeah bro, show us what you got for your girl~friend~" taesan follows, dragging out his words teasingly. "it's nothing, leave me alone! and DON'T come in the room" the tall maknae boy says sternly, narrowing his eyes at the others who just stifled in their laughs and nodded.

the kim guy can't help but giggle like a child as he pulls out the doll, sighing once as he places it and it's papers into a different bag; a gift bag he had picked up before leaving the mall, it was pink and just the right size to fit the rather beefy bear. "now...the hard part" he sighs once more as he picks up his phone, his chatroom with her vacant, no new messages since their argument the other day. it felt foreign, unusual for he always had new messages from her. the boy takes a deep breath, fingers tapping softly against the screen of his phone as he began to type. it takes him a while though, coming up with a sentence and then deleting it all and starting again and again, until finally, he pressed send.

i know u hate me rn but i literally cant function without u pls meet me at the park tonight let me make it up to u please?

the boy doesn't expect her to open his texts so fast, he finds himself twirling his lips against his teeth as he watches the way three dots begin to bounce up and down on her side of the chatroom. he doesn't even realize he's holding his breath until her response causes him to let it all out. it's simple, dry, still unlike her, but at least it's something.

my love<3 ok, see u in 5.

"bye guys wish me luck" woonhak calls out as he rushes out the door, the sound of his confused (but supportive) members growing faint as the door closes behind him.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖

by the time the boy gets to the park she was already there. yn ln, sitting patiently against the green grass. her hair fell loose against the skin of her arms, he could see from where he stood afar the way the breeze sent a shiver down her spine. "how long have you been waiting?" he asks, finally sitting down beside her. "not long" yn's words are cold, much like the atmosphere of the night. and her eyes stayed glued towards the distance, juxtaposing the way his ones remained fixed onto her.

"please look at me" woonhak practically begs, not really knowing when or how his voice got so small. the girl's breath hitches, tears threating to spill out of her eyes as she lets out a sigh and closes them shut. "yn..." he drags out, a shaky hand reaching over to turn her head to face his. "please?" he asks again. this time, she opens her eyes, tearing up slightly at the very sight of him. she couldn't do it anymore. she can't sit there and pretend to hate him, pretend to be angry at him, pretend she didn't miss him. she can't lie anymore. "woonhak" she says, her voice warmer now and a hint of content laced in the way that she spoke. "hey" he said, a smile beginning to grow against his face. "hey" she repeated, her own lips flipping up as well.

"i'm so sorry" the boy says, scooting to sit closer to her. "why? i should be the sorry one, i was being inconsiderate and-" the girl couldn't finish. "no! i was being selfish. this whole idol thing...it's so busy but that doesn't mean i get to be a total asshole about it to you...so, i'm sorry, yn" the features on her face soften as she looks into the genuine sorrow in his own. she lets out a laugh, confusing the boy a little. "don't worry...i get it. i guess i just...missed you, a little, that's all" yn reasons, a sweet smile tugging at her mouth as she slowly leans her head against his shoulder. woonhak reacts almost immediately, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her deep into his embrace. "i...i missed you too"

"what's in the bag?"

the boy sits up straight when her question slips into his ears. "ah! this...this is just a gift i got you...um...here!" he stutters a bit, suddenly flustered by his own romantic gesture. "for me?!" she gasps and he nods, scratching the back of his head, though there was nothing itchy about it at all. "wow...rising rookie idol kim woonhak of boynextdoor bought little ol' me a gift?!" now he rolls his eyes, as if he were telling his girlfriend to shut up and open it already.

"what is it...?" yn mumbles just above a whisper, carefully opening up the ribbon and revealing the insides of the pink paper bag. her mouth drops open as she pulls the bear out, squealing all too loudly as her eyes adored the jersey-wearing teddy bear in her hands. "ah! i love it i love it!" she cheered, wrapping the doll in her arms and hugging it so tight it might just explode. her eyes gleamed, looking up at her boyfriend then back at the bear and then right back at him again. "where's the birth certificate thingy...wait" yn spoke, looking back in the bag for the printed piece of paper. "hah!" she exclaimed, her smile reaching her eyes as she read through her doll's information. "birth name...kim unak...how...fitting" she said, shooting her boyfriend a look of slight disbelief he would name a doll after himself. "hey! don't look at me like that, some kid said he looked like me!" woonhak argued, grabbing the bear and holding it up beside his face. "hm...the kid was so right" yn replied, finding the resemblance quite cute.

"thank you woonhak, i love it..." her loving expression as she patted a hand against the fur of the stuffed toy's head was enough to satisfy the boy for the rest of his life. "oh! and...um...if you ever miss me when i'm busy...just press on his hand- but not right now! it's embarrassing! do it later!" he panics, sighing in relief when she moves her hand away from the heart-shaped patch on the bear's one. "okay then..."

the rest of the night was spent in peace. just a couple of sweet teens finding comfort in each other's arms after being separated from each other for far too long (it's been like two days pls don't be dramatic). "and so then i told professor yang about it and he totally freaked and...are you even listening to me?" yn stops mid-story, her head that laid on his lap shifting slightly to get a better look at his face. the face that stayed still staring at her blankly, his large hand mindlessly stroking her hair as she talked about whatever it was that he didn't really seem to be listening to well enough. "hello? woonhak?" he shook his head, "huh? what? sorry...i got kind of distracted" she chuckles, rolling her eyes playfully as she sits back up. "am i distracting you with my beauty again?" yn teases, loving the way his cheeks grow red and his hands fly up to cover his face. she giggles, pushing the boy down on his shoulders, sending him toppling on his back onto the grass.

she hovers over him, moving his hands away so she could see him clearly against the bright moonlight. the boy smiles softly at her, reaching up to push her hair behind her ears. his hand lingers, moving to cup at her blushy cheeks. yn giggles, finding his touch ticklish against her skin. "yn..." he begins, voice rather raspy from the way he fully laid down on the ground. "mhm?" she hums, head tilting to the side in curiosity as her boyfriend sat up again.

"i love you"

his voice was clear now, not a single bit of shakiness or fear in the way that he spoke. she smiled, not even a little bit shocked from the words that came out of his mouth because she knew. she knew all along that he felt that way, and she knew that she had always felt the same way for him too, she had just been waiting for the right moment where one of them would say it out loud first. yn presses a hand on either side of his warm complexion, pulling him in for a short kiss. it was sweet, a honey flavour from her lip-balm seeping onto his tongue. then they parted, hands still holding onto each other's faces and she smiles, he's grinning with all his teeth showing.

"i love you too, woonhak"

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖

later that night when yn ln got home, she hastily kicked off her shoes and ran straight to her bedroom. she didn't even care to properly put away her bag and her coat, jumping straight onto her bed and pulling out the brown teddy her boyfriend had gifted her earlier.

"...if you ever miss me when i'm busy...just press on his hand" his words replayed in her mind, "press on his hand..." she whispered to herself, carefully gripping onto the stuffed toy's hand, putting just enough pressure on it until she heard a click of a button. a moment of silence engulfed the atmosphere around her, just a moment before woonhak's voice began to sing out of the cheapest sounding speaker located within the bear.

"Mm mm 지금 내 playlist...금요일에 시간 어때요? 내 새벽을 망치지 마요..."

his own song, his debut song. he sang it just for her. her own serenade to listen to whenever they couldn't meet...

aw, rising rookie idol kim woonhak from boynextdoor...what a sweetheart, you are <3

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖

"i'm home! hyung...? what are you guys laughing about?" woonhak furrows his eyebrows as he walks towards the living room. riwoo sighs, calming down from his fit of laughter. "so...did she like the build-a-bear?" he asked, breaking into hysterics once again, as did the others. "huh? WHAT HOW'D YOU FIND OUT?" the maknae boy couldn't believe his ears, eyes widening and mouth dropping opened. "woonhak...it's all over the internet!" sungho exclaims, turning his phone over to show him the source of all their laughter right now.

"what...oh my god" the boy's whole body grows a ripe-tomato-shade of red. there, on the older member's screen, a fan-taken video of him at the build-a-bear store, the cap on his head failing to hide the obvious embarrassment on his face as he stands near the stuffing machine of the store, awkwardly wishing his newly stuffed teddy a good life and rubbing it's plastic heart within his palms.

at least his girlfriend's reaction was worth it...cause there's no fucking way his hyungs are ever gonna let this one go...EVER!

the end.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖

i feel like this sucked but it's cute idk idk idk i just want loverboy woonhak so soososososo badly hes so sweet :( i locve him im crying while typing this btw hope u enjoyed TT reblogs n feedbacks r soso appreciated i love u guys so much. love, kona. MWAHHHH

[pastafossa]

Charlie Cox experience at Philly Fan Expo 2023

So LET”S TALK ABOUT ME MEETING CHARLIE. I’m actually going to make two posts - this one just about my experiences with Charlie, because they were incredibly meaningful and deserve their own post, and then another one about the rest of the con!

I’m going to talk about Charlie first, because of how amazing the experience was, one of the best I’ve had, especially at the autograph table. I’ve done photos, gotten autographs and such before from other celebs - from niche voice actors I loved to people like David Tennant - but this felt Really Really Big. Obviously, I was nervous as all hell because holy shit Charlie Cox, my favorite actor whose work altered the course of my life. I won’t lie - I’d been practicing what to say to him in case I freaked out, but I’m happy to say that everyone who reassured me it would go great, because he was so, so genuine and kind, were right.

The photo op happened first (and thank you to everyone on tumblr guiding me where to go, cause I was LOST about where that was happening), and that went fast. By that point in the con hall, I’d already ditched my Jessica Jones jacket and gloves cause holy shit it’s hot and I am a creature of snow and ice, and my hair was a mess, but honestly I didn’t care, cause there he is. You don’t get long, but he made the most of it and he was SO sweet. Ya’ll, he asked my name, said my name as he shook my hand, and called me ‘my dear’ in that beautiful voice.

I was literally on the moon, but it was time for the big question:

Will he hold the red thread from TRT?

So in a quiet, nervous, soft author voice, I asked, ‘would you be ok with holding this end of the thread?’

HE FUCKING DID.

HE HELD IT.

HE HELD. THE. RED. THREAD.

I’m fairly certain he doesn’t know about the fic at this point - he wasn’t sure where to hold it until I told him, but he loved that it lit up! AND THEN HE PUT HIS ARM AROUND ME AND I GOT TO PUT MY ARM AROUND HIM BACK.

I’m fairly certain I’m dead in the photo. My soul had left my body. I had ascended. I saw Jesus and he looked like Charlie. I had achieved fic author heights never imagined. My brain filled with enough serotonin and dopamine to sink a ship. I didn’t care that I was hot and sweaty or that my hair was messy or that my cosplay didn’t work out like I’d planned. I had been blessed.

also look at that forearm holy shit

I floated outta that gd room ya’ll. I’m pretty sure @wonderlandmind4​ did the same. WE FROLICKED OUT OF THAT HALL LIKE

But things got even better at the autograph table, and I had one of the most touching experiences ever.

not me tearing up thinking about it.

That line was long, but I kept getting glimpses of him and I could already tell he was enjoying interacting with people, and he was making sure everyone got their bit of time with him instead of letting anyone rush people through. He was so happy looking, laughing and grinning, high fives and fist bumps for kids, chatting with fans. Which made me feel a little more confident.

I know some people wondered if I’d tell him about TRT, and I’d already decided I wasn’t going to. Instead, I really, really wanted just a second to tell him what his work as Daredevil had meant for me, as someone who became disabled around the same time Matt did as a kid, and who related to... a lot of what Matt went through in the show. I’d practiced it over and over again, and there was only a fifty percent chance I wouldn’t start crying while telling him, and I wasn’t even sure I’d have time to tell him depending on how much time we had.

He made time.

I got up to him with my art print holy shit he’s even more beautiful in person and his eyes are STUNNING. He said hi, and asked my name so he could personalize the autograph if I wanted (DUH, YES PLEASE), and he apologized about the line after we shook hands. I jokingly told him it was fine since I’d driven hours to get here. A little time in line wasn’t a bother. He even loved one of the buttons on my lanyard - the button of Matt wearing a heart crown specifically! And as he was writing, I knew this was my chance to tell him. He was still signing, so I just decided to go for it in case I ran out of time.

“I just wanted to tell you,” I said quietly, “as someone who became disabled as a kid around the same age as Matt did—”

And then he did something I didn’t expect, something I’d rarely seen anyone do, famous or not, and something I’d never had an actor or artist do for me.

He immediately set down the pen, leaned in close over the table, and made direct eye contact, while giving me the most genuine, gentle, encouraging smile I’d ever seen.

In that moment, I knew everything in him was listening, that he cared about what I was about to say and recognized that this was important to me, and that he’d closed the distance to make this conversation just... us. It felt personal in a way I’ve never experienced at a con or signing.  

Just like that, I wasn’t afraid to tell him what I’d wanted to.

“And as someone who related to... a lot of what Matt went through, his struggles in the show, and especially the dark parts of season 3,” I said, more confidently now, “I wanted you to know that all the work you put in, the way you played it, the way you played Matt and treated it seriously, seeing that helped me process and heal from a lot of my own trauma and pain over what I’ve gone through with my illnesses. What you did was important and it really helped me. So I wanted you to know that, how much that meant to me, and to say thank you.”

The whole time I spoke to him, he kept direct eye contact, and didn’t look away once. He didn’t get antsy, or look like he wanted me to hurry up (which I’d have understood, cause damn, these are long days for him). He listened, fully engaged and leaning in, his eyes warm and soft and kind but incredibly serious. I’m not sure how often he’s been told something like this—a lot, I expect; his portrayal was just that good, and I know it was important to a lot of fans—but what I was trying to tell him clearly meant something to him. I felt heard, seen, and understood.

Charlie really does care about his fans. It isn’t an act. I’m sure of it now.

“Thank you, truly,” he said, just as quietly but with that honest smile, eye crinkles and all, and seeing it in person, that close up, I swear the room felt ten times brighter. “Thank you for coming to tell me that. It means a lot, the idea that something I did meant so much and that it could help you. I’m so grateful that you were able to come visit and tell me.”

We shook hands after that. He wished me a good day and I told him thank you again, and that was that. The interaction only lasted maybe a minute, but it meant the absolute world to me, as did what he’s done as Daredevil. And now he knows that.

[maximura]

MAX'S FAVOURITE SONGS OF 2024

A bit late with this but I have to continue the fine tradition of making my music list that nobody reads. I'm going to include KPOP and Non-KPOP on the list this year because KPOP is a big boy now, it can stand with all the other music out there. I have also included some songs that were released in 2023 but I discovered in 2024.

Maniac by VIVIZ (November 2023). I really miss GFriend and this song, and this group, really fills the void left behind from the disbandment. It's great dance-pop music with just the right amount of sentimentality and nostalgic storytelling of young love and romance. This was also my pilates song. It's such a disco banger.

Cosmic by Red Velvet (June 2024). Just fun. The Midsommar MV was so weird and fun, which is something they do so well. I really appreciate how consistent they've been throughout their career and I also like that they haven't really done concepts to "compete" with younger girl groups, they've just stayed in their lane and continue to perform material they know they do well. Mature legends.

Too Sweet by Hozier (May 2024). Was he on everyone's list this year? He should be. My expectations for music is so low these days that when he released this, I was unfairly shocked he could write so many good songs and certified hits. Of course he is an exceptional talent so I don't know why I am always still *shocked-pikachu* whenever he opens his mouth to say or sing anything.

Not Strong Enough by boygenius (March 2023). You know that feeling when you think about an old school friend you lost contact with? Or an old boyfriend/girlfriend that you still think fondly of? Or all those dreams you used to have for yourself as a child that are just not realistic anymore in adulthood? Yeah. This song sounds like that.

Birds Of A Feather by Billie Eilish (September 2024). Just beautiful and gentle and lovely and comforting in a slightly toxic love kind of way, lol. It took me a long time to get on board with her music and vibe but I really love her album. It's just so comfortable somehow.

Please Please Please by Sabrina Carpenter (June 2024). I know people loved Espresso but PPP is my favourite from her because I liked the simpler pop melody paired with that music video, which is also one of my favourite videos released in 2024. I think it's cute! If you've never dated a criminal you can't judge me! Actually, you should totally judge me....

APT by Rosé and Bruno Mars (October 2024). Flawless Pop. No notes. Just fun. Puts me in the best mood. Audio-Serotonin.

Die With A Smile by Lady Gaga and Bruno Mars (August 2024). A good year to be Bruno Mars. That is some God Given Talent and Vocals. This is just euphorically enjoyable pop music. That's all. People who called this boring have no joy in their lives and hate for hating's sake. Singing this song at karaoke after three bottle of lychee soju will project you onto another astral plane.

Mamushi by Megan Thee Stallion (August 2024). This was such an impressive MV. She and her team did not have to go as hard as they did for a song that is under 3 minutes long. This is the song I most associate with Ni-Ki and I cannot tell you how many times a month 'Okane Kasuge watashi wa suta' gets stuck in my head. Speaking of Kane, please watch Gohan learning this word if you want a laugh.

Chk Chk Boom by Stray Kids (July 2024). I never thought they'd ever appear on my End of Year lists again but here we are. I just think it's so fun and silly. I really like that choreo on them. Hyunjin is still so powerful. That's all to be honest. Sometimes junk food is just delicious.

Big Dawgs by Hanumankind (July 2024). June and July really were serving so many hits damm. This song was all over social media in 2024 but it's still so fun. I need everyone to just watch a tiny bit of this crazy MV. I want to know how the heck they did that lol. It reminds me of being in literally any part of south east asia and people just driving in any way they want. I would've loved if Ni-Ki picked this song for his Artist of The Month thing.

Walk by NCT 127 (July 2024). This was so fun. It's very 90s vibes, which means I ate it up several times. If I could attend any dance practice, it would be this one because they all look like they are having the best time with the music and also just hanging with each other. Pretty sure I'd be banned from any Enhypen dance practice...

Dancing In The Flames by The Weeknd (September 2024). I love this acoustic version more than the original. It's just like Billie's song where it seems sweet but then it's about a car crash. He is a flawed person (but isn't everyone?) with a beautiful voice.

We Can't Be Friends by Ariana Grande (March 2024). Sus personal drama aside, her voice is just gorgeous and I love the calmness of this song. I've heard some people say it rips off Robyn's Dancing On My Own and I agree. It's Robyn if she meditated and took a benzodiazepine.

SOS by NCT Dream (December 2023). I heard this in 2024 so it counts. I absolutely love this song and this performance. Is there anything Mark Lee cannot do, he's hoarding too much talent. Anyways, this a controversial take I guess but one I've had for so many years: Park Jisung is still the most technically clean dancer in the hip hop genre of this current active generation to me. Ni-Ki is a dirtier and spicier variant, like remember when Coke used to actually contain cocaine? Jisung is Coke. Ni-Ki is Coke with cocaine.

Enough by ATEEZ (November 2024). This what it would sound like if Taylor Swift wrote a song for Ateez. I don't mean this in a derogatory way. I love this song. It's very uplifting and cute and sometimes you need that.

Accendio by IVE (April 2024). I love the MV and concept so much. Their SWITCH album was just solid fun kpop. They're still my favourite girl group right now and I think they've consistently been on my End Of Year lists since debut.

Armageddon by AESPA. My favourite girl group choreo this year. Just so slick and so fitting for the song. I didn't think much of them at debut but they've really levelled up a lot.

Supernova by AESPA. Absolutely hated this song when it came out and then one day, I loved it. It's just spunky and fun and good energy.

Moonstruck by Enhypen (July 2024). This is my favourite song off the Romance Untold album. The production on their vocals is just so lush and darkly gorgeous. I'm sure it's supposed to be a love song but as with most of their material, it has a slightly concerning undercurrent, which I like because I'm an emo bitch till the day I die.

Hundred Broken Hearts by Enhypen (July 2024). The chorus is whatever but the verses are beautiful and melancholic. That melody reminds me of really old asian dramas that my mum used to watch when I was a kid. There's something very vintage about this song and I mean that as a compliment. I'm so glad they let Ni-Ki sing. I'm sorry I literally cannot stop inserting him into so many comments.

Still Monster by Enhypen (November 2023). This song and the one below are my writing songs (along with the Interstellar OST by Hans Zimmer). I still listen to this one a lot. I remember watching the live performance and being really confused by how nice their vocals were in the high and low bits. It's so satisfying to listen to.

Apocalypse by Cigarettes After Sex (March 2017). Yes I know. This song is SEVEN years old. But this is the song I write most of my stories to, especially if it's for Yunho, this is his theme song. I'm not even going to try and figure out why I picked this one out for him. It's what he sounds like in my head.

Smart by LES SSERAFIM (February 2024). This is my most played gym/work out song. The driving beat really helps get in one more run and one more core cycle. I'm still not sure about them as a group, they do seem all over the place at the moment, but at the same time I do see a lot of potential and I love Bangs (Chaewon) as a performer.

Messy by Lola Young (June 2024) The lyrics? Relatable. The songwriting? Magnificent. The trauma? Heavy. The comfort? Heavier. The Vibes? Bittersweet in the best way. There's something here that reminds me of Pre-Fame Chappell Roan but also Stevie Nicks. If you have damage, been gaslit by narcissists your whole life and are looking for a comforting theme song, I highly highly recommend this one. It's one of those "Written For Me" cathartic bangers that come around once every five years. When she sings "And don't say hello, because I got high again and forgot to fold my clothes", I ascended. If you know you know.

Good Luck Babe by Chappell Roan (April 2024). Speaking of cathartic bridges. I was obsessed with this song when it came out. I thought, "it can't possibly be as good as people say" but it is. She is immensely talented and makes music that reminds me of my university years. This one is particularly relatable because there have been so many boys that have said this to me and who I have said it to. It feels awful no matter which side you're on. I guess the recurring theme for 2024 is that I love songs about relationships that end up in flames lol. Nothing inspires art like heartbreak.

Ice On My Teeth by ATEEZ (November 2024). I loved it. The production, the backing track, the pitch of all their vocals contrasted with Hongjoong's staccato rap and Jongho's harmonisations. This is one of those eras where they get everything right; they really showed up, understood the assignment and put in the necessary work. When they commit so wholeheartedly as a group, you can't help but buy into it and commit with them. My favourite parts of this song are (in order): Yunho's intro (perfect tone perfect pitch perfect delivery ugh), Mingi's second rap verse (straight up murder) and then the chorus (so cool). Also, shout out to the KQ staff member who read Maybe Monster and put it in motion, you're a real one and I appreciate you.

Fatal Trouble by Enhypen (May 2024). You already knew this would be be here. It is my most listened to song in 2024. I genuinely love the melody and the pop-rock production was perfect: not too obnoxiously westernised but also not too muted, as KPOP tends to have it. It's the exact style and type of song I love to listen to. You know those songs that you over emote really loudly and cathartically in the privacy of your own home? This is that song for me. The choreography also unexpectedly became my favourite KPOP choreo for 2024, that moving-picture sequence around Heeseung was magnificent, and exactly what the song needed. This song is also why Nishimura Riki is in my life, so Amen and Thank You God.

[jungkookslipring]

thank you so much for voting! Here’s a sneak peak (aka the t-word scene of my intro chapter to my long form fic)

this can also be read as a stand alone!✨

idk how to introduce this please don’t @ me lmfao😂😂😂

Lee! Minho

Ler! Y/n

relationship: platonic

genre: fluff/tword (for this chapter)

AU or non AU: Non idol au

When you decided you had enough screen time for one day, you packed up your backpack and headed back to the apartments. When you walked in, Minho, Hyunjin, Felix, and Jeongin were all in the living room; it was chaotic. Jeongin was on the ground laughing as Minho straddled him, attacking his neck, while Felix and Hyunjin were on the couch smiling at the two. This was nothing new, tickle attacks were far too common for your friend group. When you came around the corner they all looked up at you with a smile. 

“Hi y/n!” Minho greeted without stopping his attack on Jeongin.

“Save mehehehehe!” Jeongin screeched as Minho’s hands dove into the poor boy's tummy. You grinned as you dropped your bag and ran over to the pair on the floor. You ran up behind Minho and started squeezing his sides. Minho yelped and launched himself off of Jeongin, falling onto his back. He tried pushing your hands away, but your hands were too quick, and he was growing weaker by the second.

“You traihaihaitor” he laughed out as you continued your attack. 

“Alexa, play traitor by Olivia Rodrigo,” Felix said sarcastically, laughing his ass off when the speaker started blasting said song.

“Be nice to our kids!” You jokingly scold the second you start digging in his ribs. His sweet laugh filled the room.

“HYUNJIN-AHAHAHA LIXIE HELP MEHEHE” Minho squealed while you effectively moved your fingers up and down his ribs.

“I’m not getting involved in that! She’ll come after me!” He chuckled with Felix snuggled into his side. 

“Then join the dark side and come hold his arms down!” You offer with a smirk. Hyunjin cringed.

“But Minho Hyung’s revenge tickles are 10x worse!” He said, shivering at the memories.

“He’ll get revenge on you regardless,” Jeongin said matter-of-factly. While everyone was having a debate on basically ‘you’re damned if you do and you're damned if you don’t’, Minho has been filling the room with his adorable laughter.

“Y/N I GIHIHIHIVE” Minho begged after you spent a good few minutes attacking his underarms.

“Fine, just don’t go after my kids!” You laughed as you got off of him. 

“How was school?” Minho asked after you helped him sit up. You leaned against the couch. 

“Not bad, I think I’ve become addicted to caffeine,” you shrugged. 

“Are you already pulling all-nighters?” Felix asked.

“Yeah, but it’s just a lot of reading, case studies specifically,” you said, grabbing a pillow and holding it in your lap. 

“Have there been any that were interesting?” Hyunjin asked.

“More like unethical, these stories are heavy,” you said, cringing at some of the stories you’ve read. 

“Do you have to write any papers on these stories?” Jeongin asked. You nodded.

“Eventually I will yeah, which will require more reading and I don't know how much longer I can keep reading these old case studies. I may need therapy,” you chuckled. 

“Well if you ever need a serotonin boost you always have us,” Felix said with a smile. You walked over and pinched his cheeks. 

“Awww thanks Lixie!” you squeal as he scrunches up his nose. Jeongin laughed.

“I’m so happy it's not me this time,” he joked. Minho smirked and grabbed a hold of Jeongin’s face.

“Oh don’t act like you don’t like it,” Minho smiled as Jeongin squawked out protests. 

“Remember what I said about going after my kids!” you joked as you walked towards him with claw-like hands. Minho was quick to stand up and try to run out but you were too quick, once again on top of him while his laughs filled the room. A few hours later the rest of the guys came home. You all had dinner, talked about your day, and had a friendly yet violent Mario Kart Competition.

Can’t wait to share with you the first chapter! ✨🖤

Taglist: @felixmainacc @felixburneracc @myforevermelody143 @dunno-wut-to-do

[furious-rogue-stuff]

Oh my goooood every new chapter of heat is instant serotonin!!!

Okay first of all, happy new year. I am so sorry 2024 was tough and I hope 2025 is kinder to you. You deserve no less.

That said, there are a few standouts for me (sorry that these are out of order, my thoughts are jumbled and messy because as soon as I finished the new chapter I wanted to comment on it!). First of all, I always love the "protective loved one grills the significant other" trope, and I particularly like when it's the girlfriends ribbing the boyfriend. That said, I think your take on it brought something new and fresh. Originally, I thought the best part about it would be how suavely Javi handled it, but the more I read the more I loved the fact that Celina stood up for her own judgement and love of Javi. It was made extra sweet by how honest and heartfelt their conversation at the beginning of the chapter was (I found that conversation particularly satisfying because of how long Celina had been worrying about it all alone. Brought tears to my eyes seeing how far they've come in their relationship and love for one another).

Another highlight for me is how you write the moments where she doesn't know but Javi is thinking/talking about her. Small details like him knowing when he does or does not have a chance to call her in the middle of the day to check in, wanting others to know she's spoken for, him trying to figure out what kind of ring she likes, the recurring teasing from Steve that he is taking so long to propose!!! All these details add such a realistic and sweet texture to their relationship and make it all the more believable that their feelings run so deep.

Special shoutout to Javi being very explicit about the fact that he took this job to get her back, both to her directly and to others. While the smut is always flaming in your writing, to me there are few things hotter than his certainty about Celina.

This definitely isn't limited to just the latest chapter, but I have to mention the way you write Celina's relationship to her father. I like that there is such a sense of slow progress, that not everything is fine and dandy but that you can so clearly sense the mutual effort. It also makes me really curious about what her and Chucho's relationship might look like!

Now let's talk about this joint op... I don't trust Bozzi as far as I can throw him and the timing for the drill being so close to the gala makes me suspicious. I am also on the edge of my seat trying to figure out if the people/person following Celina and leaving her voicemail without words are the same or not. You have me puzzled, intrigued, and worried.

I genuinely could go on and on, I love this story and your writing so much but I have taken enough of your time. Thank you for sharing your brilliant stories with us 🥰

Dearest anon, you just cheered me up during a bit of a miserable time, so thank you, thank you! It means a lot that so many of the little things have jumped out and inform the story and make it more meaningful overall.

These two have come such a long way since Chapter 1, and the fact it shows and is so loved makes all the neurotic thinking and writing worth it! 💗

[jazzythursday]

Hi!

Your writing is so beautiful! Your characterizations of Wylan and Jesper are incredible in your oneshots and especially in Everyday, Just a Little or a Little Bit. Seriously, I think about that fic all the time. It's perfect. Sweet and angsty, domestic and wholesome. Are you interested in writing more for Wesper? Do you have any more ideas or WIPs that you'd like to write?

-sixofcrowdaydreams

I’m crying? This is incredibly sweet thank you so much 🥹💖

Wesper and the crows literally got me through the last year and are still my main source of serotonin atm so I promise I’m not even close to done writing about them yet!

I also think about Everyday… every day lol, I really do. I have a handful of offshoots and bonus scenes from that fic I still want to write/finish (Jesper’s pov of a few moments, his talk with Nina after Wylan leaves in ch3, so much with the bookseller from ch1 etc), along with a few wips and a giant list of ideas I haven’t even started.

Currently I’m working on my gift for an exchange we have going over on the @i-can-read-to-him server (which is becoming both incredibly stressful but also so so exciting with every scene I write) I wish I could talk about it but it’s a surprise™️ for the moment. It will hopefully be ready to start posting next week!

Until then, here's a snippet from one of the bonus scenes in Everyday. It's from the part in ch2 where Jesper comes back to the Slat after being jumped by debt collectors. (Fun fact: the original scene was supposed to be this version, but when I actually went to write it it was feeling too clunky with the rest of the chapter, so I changed it to the posted version)

Wylan wakes up alone one morning. 

He knows, immediately, that something is wrong. The only disturbance of the covers has been made by himself; the other side of the bed is untouched, except for where his hand had landed on Jesper's pillow during the night. The rest is left unruffled and empty.

He hadn’t come back.  Jesper had been sent on a job the night before that hadn’t needed a demo man. Wylan told him he’d wait up, and Jesper told him he didn’t need to. Wylan had planned to wait up anyway. 

Apparently, it hadn’t worked. Wylan does not remember falling asleep, and yet it’s undeniably morning now. Still early enough that the sun isn’t quite peeking through the curtains, but he can tell it will soon.

He tries not to get worked up. He gets worked up anyway. No matter how much he tries to rationalise it, there is a deep pit growing in his stomach, convincing him that something is very wrong. He gets out of bed and leaves the room. He doesn’t bother with boots, just creeps down the hall in his socks.  It doesn’t take long to hear voices. They filter out from Kaz’s office, freezing Wylan in place.  “You still might need a medik,” he hears—Nina’s voice. She sounds tired. “How many times do I have to tell you two I wasn’t trained for proper healing?” 

“You're doing fine.” Jesper. Jesper’s voice. He sounds… dim is the only way Wylan can think to describe it. Tinny. Like the rich, mellow timbre of his words have been syphoned off into something thinner. He coughs wetly. “Gold stars all around Neens, really.” 

“I’m not above knocking you out, you know,” Nina says, but even without being in the room he can tell there’s no real threat in it. It’s soft, fond, and concerned.

Wylan’s heart feels like it’s detached from his chest. Like it’s somewhere else entirely, and wherever that is, someones squeezing it very tightly. He walks closer, almost hovering outside the threshold. He places a hand on the knob. 

It’s been a very long time since Wylan has felt out of place with the Crows, but as he opens the office door, he cannot help but feel—not unwelcome, but uninvited, and left out of the loop.

Unnecessary, his mind supplies, and he tries very, very hard not to give it a chance to amend, worthless. 

He balls up the cuffs of his shirt—it’s one of Jesper’s, though Wylan can’t remember when he’d taken it up as his own. Long enough that it doesn’t smell like Jesper anymore, just Wylan, which is a tragedy—and casts a look around the room, feeling awkward and out of place and comparatively underdressed in only his sleep clothes and socks. 

Kaz looks as he always does, except worse. His hair is falling uncharacteristically messy over his face. He turns sharply from where he’d been facing the window when Wylan enters, eyes even darker than usual.

Nina looks worried, a deep weighty frown on her face as her hands press against Jesper’s abdomen. 

And Jesper looks— 

“What happened?” Wylan balks.  Everyone is staring at him now, and Wylan hates it, hates this, but it all pales in comparison to the awful feeling tearing itself through his chest at the sight of Jesper, Jesper’s face—

“Jes—” Wylan’s voice breaks.  

“I’m fine,” Jesper assures quickly. Nina scoffs. She takes her hands away from Jesper’s stomach to cross them over her chest. “I’ll be fine. I’ll be fine!”

“You’ll be fine when I say you’ll be fine,” Nina mutters.  

Jesper tries to smile at Wylan, tries to give him a surreptitious thumbs up with the hand farthest from Nina, tries to wink of all things. It doesn’t make Wylan feel any better. It also looks like it hurts, because both Jesper’s eyes are puffy and red, and the side of his face sports an angry mark that’s still bleeding sluggishly from his eyebrow. His jaw looks sort of swollen too, and he grimaces at his own smile, so it must hurt.

Looking at it makes Wylan want to cry, so instead he looks at Kaz. 

“What happened?” he asks again, very quietly. 

“Debt collectors. And an idiot.”

“Kaz!” Jesper protests. Kaz shoots him a glare that pierces slightly duller than usual, which makes Wylan worry even more. “It’s not as bad as it looks.” Jesper tries again. 

Wylan doesn’t respond. He keeps looking at Kaz. 

Kaz sighs. He sweeps his hair back in its usual style and pushes up from the window. “He’ll be fine. It’s not good, but nothing with debt collectors ever is. I’m working on it.”

This ask was such a lovely thing to read on a very tough day, so again, ty 🥰

[billy-cockblock]

It's been a bit since I posted anything for the rev au, so I'm just gonna copy some of the bullet points I have on the doc while I work on a little one shot. I've been falling into the yakuza rabbit hole and don't want to abandon everything to squeeze this new interest of serotonin

This is kinda a rough draft of just brain dumps, so it isn't gonna be formatted the best

Leon’s getting old, and he’s decided he wants to retire before his age catching up to him gets him killed on a mission. The government doesn’t want their best agent (and potential loose end) to retire and do whatever he pleases, but there’s not much they can do other than delay him. They don’t have anything they can use to keep him from leaving, so once he works through the work they keep piling up for him, he’s free to go. At least, he would be if he weren’t infected with the heart of one of the most powerful and dangerous BOWs to ever grace the Earth. But what the government doesn’t know can’t hurt him.

Ethan’s very apologetic about the whole mold-possession thing, but he’s trying to be better about the self-hatred because of the mold. He wants to set a good example for Rose, since she chose to keep her BOW powers to save him. (Doesn’t want to be a hypocrite)

Leon kinda hates Ethan at the beginning, feeling like he’s being blackmailed with his own autonomy to help someone he doesn’t know or trust, but the first time Ethan bursts out laughing at his one liners, it goes to “maybe this guy isn’t so bad”

I’m thinking a possibility for a “big bad” is Mia (very inspired by that one cuptoast au). Maybe she joined a rival organizations to umbrella that had samples of the plaga, and they agreed to give her resources to attempt to bring her husband back if she gave them her research on the mold. Mia knew the only surviving piece of the megamycete was under Chris’s close watch, but she found ways to keep an eye on it too. She’d seen Rose get lured to it and how she’d interacted with it. She hides the camera footage, contacts and whisks Rose away, and convinces her that with her powers and Mia’s research, they can bring Ethan back and be a happy family again. The rival company is all too happy to take the experiments when they fail.

Leon gets hurt. A lot. And Ethan does his best to heal him, but he has to stop one time and just say he doesn’t have enough energy to keep doing it at that rate, and he needs Leon to get them something to eat. 

“Actually, we’ve been going for a really long time, and you haven’t had anything to eat or drink. It’s real tiring, can you find me something?”

“What do you need? Like… corpses? More mold?”

“FOOD. REGULAR FOOD. I JUST NEED FOOD LEON.”

He finds out he fucking loves sweets and the quick energy they give him, but he finds a little downside. 

“Hey, Leon?”

“What’s wrong? Do you not want the candy bar anymore?”

“No, it’s not that. It’s just that… with sweets, I can feel the sugar and kinda tell what’s in it when I absorb it, but I can’t really… taste. Not properly.”

“So?”

“Could… you eat it? I can tap into your nerves and just absorb the sugar through your body, but I can’t taste it if I just break it down with mold. Please?”

“…Fine.”

Leon gets a habit of eating the sweets he find himself and letting Ethan absorb food that would take too long to eat or has gone bad (“energy’s energy”). Ethan is over the moon.

[myfanfic-urfantrash]

Headcanon Mix#14

How some react to hugs and stuff. I crave c:

Al Haitham and Kaveh

Al Haitham doesn’t initiate hugs like ever. Just tell him you need the serotonin or some other logical answer about humans basic social needs and he'll probably give in, depends on if Kaveh is there or not. If Kaveh's home he'll let him handle this.

Would rather hold your hand instead. It doesn't matter which the guy is definitely ambidextrous. So even if he's got work to do he could hold it depending on what it is.

Takes any opportunities to hug on sight-jk For Kaveh It's not so much he needs to touch someone it's more of a he needs that serotonin too and if the opportunity is there he's gonna take it...plus he loves to support his friends. So you sad? Hug. Happy? Hug. Scared? He's scared with you and hugging you. Need that sweet serotonin? HUG.

These aren't long hugs either, they've very short quick hugs like greeting hugs.

Diluc and Kaeya

Diluc is pretty flustered at first but he'll give you a hug if you ask. Might be self conscious about if it's a good hug, if he's too warm or etc. Kinda awkward but a very good huh once he stops freaking out.

Definitely gets more flustered if it's his hand you're holding but after a while he'll be fine he feels like he's protecting you.

Kaeya is the teasing sort but depending on how close he is with you he may do a side hug or a full hug. If you're close you get the full hug but he won't initiate hugs. It'll always be a "What no hug for me?" sorta thing if he hasn't seen you in a while or he sees you hug someone else. Thinks he's sneaky in getting his daily affection by making you seem clingy rather than himself.

I don't think this guy likes his hands touched tough so probably no direct hand holding. Might be better if you wear gloves too. Just stick with hugs.

Aether, Lumine, and Paimon

Aether's great a hugs but gives them rarely not cause he dislikes them or anything it's more because he'd prefer to sit or lay beside someone instead. Is ok with hand holding but he'd rather not.

Lumine pretty great at hugs but prefers to hold hands instead it somehow feels better than a hug to her. Also likes just chilling in the same space with some like her bro.

Paimon likes hugs and is always down to cuddle too! She's the best hugger but don't squeeze her too hard or tell her she's like a plush or you won't get any hugs for a while.

[eimearkuopio]

Okay. This is where I have been ranting, so I should probably put out the stuff I wrote on paper at this stage.

Philosophies

I might be wrong.

Fail better.

Quality of life over quantity of life.

Suffering is not inevitable*, and it has no innate value**.

There is still hope.

First, know your values. Then, follow them.

Communication is key. So is kindness.

YourLogicalFallacyIs.com

*To be clear: every life will contain some suffering. But you don't need to seek out and hoard suffering the way people lacking in serotonin tend to idolise and venerate.

**It is a spectacular raw material. You can turn it into almost anything if you can tell the story properly. That's real transubstantiation, just like real communion is not just the Eucharist. I'm not here to override any existing faith, just to augment it.

That's the philosophies. Then there were little boxes that I annotated.

I love you all. It's okay.***

The Universe doesn't owe any individual happiness.

God isn't going to stop you. Should He need to?

Suffering is not inevitable, and it has no instead value.****

***I didn't know how this was going to work out. I definitely did not anticipate a complete break with reality resulting in sectioning, but maybe I should have.

****Yes, I wrote this down twice. It's that important.

Hypotheses

Humanity as a singular moral entity

Ethical immune system

Allergies/autoimmune conditions

Judaism as proto-immune cells*****

"Time" a form of separation for events, but events all exist across infinite spacetime field

Premonitions relate to likely outcomes

Human perception of "God" of necessity filtered through subjective human experiences => if objective morality exists, by definition inaccessible to humans

*****This is super important: Judaism is the oldest written religion, and the younger sibling religions treat them like shit most of the time. With that being said, what is currently happening in the Middle East is unacceptable and if we can't improve the situation...I don't know why everyone keeps insisting that the Apocalypse hasn't happened yet, is all.

So that's the more structured stuff. I handed that over to official folks in...uh, July. So that's how long people have been aware of what I'm dealing with, and doing sweet fuck-all about it. I only fell apart in October, because nobody was fucking helping me. I was trying to deal with all of this alone. Even now, I'm getting mental health support from the NHS (not super great because they have been underfunded and because I mask so well that they thought I was fine right up to the point where they decided I needed to be sectioned for me own good), but my purported faith is doing absolutely fuck-all to engage with me. Some people have excuses for that; others don't. I think they might be waiting to see if I'm going to come out the other side of this not wanting to still engage with my faith, so let's be clear: if they don't want me to be involved, I would prefer to be excommunicated sooner rather than later so that I can get on with my life. If they do want me to be involved, I would really like to actually have someone talk to me.

I think Nana had some weird beliefs that she confused for knowledge. I think she tried to cut the Catholicism-baby in half, instead of accepting discord within our faith. I think Catholicism is trying to do better by bringing synodality into play, but I genuinely don't know if we have time as a species for them to change instead of dying - and if we lose the incredible infrastructure of the Roman Catholic Church, we will probably not get to have another generation imo.

Our faith claims that if we ever try to declare things infallibly as part of our doctrine, the Holy Spirit, the Shekhinah, will be sent to prevent that error. I'm not declaring myself to be anything, because I already went fucking bugnuts and got kind-of better, but I'm declaring myself to be either a crazy Echo of a Prophet who might be a useful Oracle, or a crazy Auntie Eimear who wants to prevent any children from suffering what I suffered due to the failures of the Roman Catholic Church. I have sent them everything I can. I told them that my husband didn't sign up for the Prophet, just the woman, so I'd like to get this out of the way ASAP. I have received zero formal response, and I'm sure that's at least in part because they don't want to be seen to be encouraging my behaviour, so here's my declaration:

I am human.

It definitely feels like I got to choose to be human, but that's the choice I made.

I think an individual human is created in the image of God.

I think every individual has a minimum of five parts: mind and body (accident), plus soul, story, and context (substance).

Mind is about memories you can access in the collective unconscious or in the memory of the universal simulation. It's also about choices you make, but those are influenced by the other stuff.

Body can be cloned or healed or supplemented.

Soul... Is complicated. But I think the eyes are the window to the soul. Eye colour is determined by physician structure within the eyes. I think irises may be unique even between otherwise fungible bodies. Even between different days of the same body, depending on light and other things. This isn't my wheelhouse so I'm just giving the best version I can of my weird crazy explanation.

Story is who you believe you are. True names and perception of self. A combination of ego and of the version you see reflected in others' perception of you. I have very little ego. I'm not saying I have no pride! I'm saying the ego is the part that mediates between id and superego, and I suck at that without other people reflecting on my actions. The bicameral mindset and neurodivergence come into play here.

Context is the world at large and the village you inhabit. It's the source of guilt and shame and pride and ambition, and each of those things has a purpose but if you have a weak Story you don't know how to manage them.

I have so many other thoughts, but this is the best way I can find to write them out and make them available to the world. Because I'm an Echo and a human. It's so much easier to just reblog things than to formulate my own thoughts, especially when my substance has been so horrifically depleted by a world that thinks my mask is my substance. I survived whatever this was. It was a nearer thing than I would like, but that's because I've already survived a minimum of seven ego deaths without any outside help. So I'd really like some more help. Any volunteers?

[soupdeewoop]

My daddy's got a gun We drive through the woods, rich neighborhoods to watch This town will never change Got a figure like a pin-up, got a figure like a doll I have nightmares each week about that Friday in May Could've said this day was coming Oh, I don't really care if you like me or not You're so sweet, you're so fine I'm nearing the end of my fourth year I'm running low on serotonin Spirit of my silence, I can hear you You can dance, you can jive Bought a bunch of makeup You've been my muse for a long time People stared at the makeup on his face You should know better now You used to get it in your fishnets I'm going back to 505 Suppose the world was not informed She keeps Moët et Chandon

hahaaaa this was so fun to do @h0ney-nut-queeri0 you should try >:)

put your Spotify on shuffle, and write down the first line of the first ten twenty songs. Post the poem that results.

thx for tagging me @thewitchofinysca <3

this is gonna be far from a poem lol had to go to yt cuz spotify was just ayo young money lol

in my heart there's a hole I wanna be king in your story early this morning I heard you're back in town I can't believe we're finally alone telling myself I won't go there I ain't a killa but don't push me cross my heart hope to die insane, inside, the danger gets me high We'll never get free, lamb to the slaughter

no pressure tags: @moonytoastandbowie @jaylienpotter

[aurelicht]

I’m obsessing just a little bit over Little Nightmares currently. I finished watching a playthrough of the second game yesterday and... Yes. Depending on how long my interest lasts, I might pick up a muse from that universe.

[gangplanksorenji]

Bitter;sweet

Pairing: fromis_9 Seoyeon x Male Reader

Word Count: 5296

A/N 1: Hello Orenjideul! It has been like almost 3 months since I last posted a fic and now here I am! Ahaha, midterms has been a pain in the butt but gladly, it's now done and I'll go back to serving some fluff fics for y'all! Hope you enjoy this one and stay safe everyone!

—---------------------------------------------------

This day never could have been perfect as the velvety-red-orange-like skies blooming within the reach your eyes can see—it feels like a dream seeing them; the ebullient sounds of people around the amusement park serves as the cherry on top. You never felt euphoric in your whole life as there’s so much serotonin running throughout your body and it can’t be helped as you’re with the sunshine of your darkest days, the happiness that rivaled your depressing days—the love of your life.

It has been a year since you’ve met her in a milk tea shop and you’ve never been grateful in your whole life after meeting a girl like her. It was a “love at first sight” moment as both of your hearts felt magnetic to each other. Both of you went out as you became friends with her as time went by; the connection upped an ante as the two of you are now in a romantic relationship. Now with your first anniversary with her, you’re making this day special as you wanted to make her feel the ultimate delight that she has never experienced before.

—--------------------------

“Yah Yeonie! Come here! I want to show you something!” 

Your cheerful tone sends excitement down Seoyeon’s spine as a faint smile paints her face, making you feel soft to her once again.

“What is it?”

“Can we ride at that roller coaster there? It looks fun! And, besides, I’m sure you will enjoy it, Yeonie.”

“Ugh, do I look like I enjoy riding in a roller-coaster?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Shut it! You know I don’t like riding with these kinds of stuff especially, that HIGH!”

She points her index finger at the tall loop at the roller coaster which made you laugh at her being scared and worried about what could happen next. 

“Hey, hey Yeon, relax, you're with me, so you'll be safe. Besides, it's not like we're doing this everyday! Come on, please?”

You gave her a reassuring smile between the saccharine tone of yours, hoping that she agrees, even just this once.

“Uhh, fine…”

Your arms gesture happily as victory is earned as she agrees on what you want. The day is still long as the sun is still above the horizon, knowing that there’s still time for the both of you to bond with each other.

You hold her wrists gently, dragging her as the both of you rush towards where the roller coaster is located. 

“What’s with the rush?”

“So, we get on the line fast! Don’t you want it? We’ll finish faster too!”

“More like, killing me faster…”

A chuckle escapes your lips about the joke that she said as a faint smile curves onto her lips, knowing that making you laugh is always a memory of hers and both of you know that no one’s offended, which makes this a wholesome moment.

“Yuh! I don’t mean it like that, anyways, I’m sure you’ll enjoy it!”

“Whatever…”

The both of you fall in line as the both of you watch the coaster looping in a fast succession, making you in awe as her face is in fear. You see it and immediately begin caressing her hair in a playful manner, which earns a startle from her. You’re not usually like this as she knows how much you like teasing her playfully and not really showing affection towards actions. She’s not complaining as she feels comfortable in your arms, a smile curving her lips as response from your affection.

“You’ll be safe in my arms, okay? Just enjoy this and don’t be scared.” 

You patted her back as you gave her a reassuring smile, knowing how much she melts with that sweet smile of yours—it always makes her comfortable. Maybe it did work as she smiles back, causing your heart to flutter yet you know how afraid she is as it’s evident from her expressions—more people are coming in the roller coaster as it’s going to be at least two turns for the both of you to get a grip on this ride. 

“Woah, that loop looks fun! Ahh… can’t wait to ride it!”

“When did she show interest in these kinds of thrilling rides? Must be my doing…”

You can’t blame her for being confident all of a sudden as you thought as the cause of that is all because of your reassurance. There’s nothing wrong with it yet you’re baffled at the sight of it—even proud about Seoyeon’s audacious demeanor that you’ll never forget.

As a couple of loops, turns and screams have passed, the two eventually get closer to the thrill as you can see Seoyeon’s vibrant expressions and hear her deep, raspy voice being cheerful and it never fails to awe you. You always had a soft side for her yet you never felt softer than before considering how adorable and lively Seoyeon is today. Is it because of the places you treated her? Is it because of how fun it has been? Is it because of your anniversary with her? Is it because of you? These questions lingered around your mind about Seoyeon’s sudden switch of mood yet you’re not complaining.

“Oh, it’s now our turn, Yeonie. Don’t be scared, alright? Just have fun here! I’m sure you’ll enjoy this.”

“Wow, it does help me to not be scared… Thank you…” 

Seoyeon’s sarcastic tone makes you giggle, knowing that no one is offended. The both of you then find a seat at the back as you fasten your seatbelts, making sure that everything is neat and fine. Both of you take deep breaths as Seoyeon holds your hand, tightening the grip as she feels the roller coaster moving up, making her feel mixed-up emotions as adrenaline pumps down her veins and so are yours. 

Seoyeon looks calm at first yet you know how she’s screaming inside as the roller coaster goes higher and higher until the both of you can see the whole amusement park. She then closed her eyes as she tightened the grip of her hand on yours, knowing how much afraid she is in terms of heights yet you still managed to cheer her up, reassure her even though you feel the same—you want to make her feel better than yourself.

“Hey, just take deep breaths and you’ll enjoy this, okay Yeonie?”

All the response that you got is her eyebrows scrunching like an adorable panda that she is, knowing how scared and thrilled she is as the roller coaster is near at the top where you know that any second now, you’ll experience the paramount of fun and fear all in one go—the freefall.

You prepare yourself from the inevitable as you hold her hand, not wanting to let go of her as she lets out a scream of half-joy, half fear as she feels exhilarated and so are you. Once you hear the railings click, you know that this is the time of delight as the roller coaster goes down at lightning speed within a blink of an eye. 

—-------------------------------------------

Series of screams and laughs can be heard from the distance as the wind blows directly at your faces considering how fast the roller coaster is. Series of G-Forces can be felt as the roller coaster goes in a series of loops and turns which you enjoy whole-heartedly. You always want to experience these kinds of things—you always want to experience thrill and new adventures throughout your life.

“AHHHH! Oh my f- AHHHHH!”

Seoyeon’s screams ring all over your ears as you just close your eyes and count the seconds that’s passing as you want this to end quickly, as soon as possible. Eyebrows furrowed, you’re curious about what's happening around you as you refuse to open your eyes, fear taking over your body yet you fight it. Eventually, you got a sight of what's happening around you—people enjoying and thrilled about the ride as well as the view high up—as you looked to Seoyeon beside you who seems to be delighted about the experience. Time feltl slower as Seoyeon’s flawless features are in your sight, making you in awe. A smile paints your face, dopamine running down your veins as excitement skyrockets over the roof. 

A lap around has been completed as you start to feel dizzy and dumb-founded as the numerous loops and turns is to blame. Concern then paints your face as Seoyeon may feel the same, yet worse as you know how weak her stomach is. 

“Hey Yeonie, a-are you feeling good?”

“Yeah! This ride is so fun!!”

“She’s not showing any signs of fear? She’s maybe on to something…” You taught yourself as Seoyeon seems to be showing such uncanny expressions—it almost feels like she’s a new person with the same body but you dismiss those thoughts from letting you overthink as fun is what matters now.

Not so long after, Seoyeon then got a glimpse of you as she laughed with the faces you're making and on how you're screaming like a helpless child. 

“Yah! Are you a-alright?”

“Wha-DO YOUUUU-AHHH—think??” Your screams make you a clown in front of Seoyeon as she non-stop laughed while still enjoying the ride—also, still feeling the thrill of it. As you were screaming your lungs out, Seoyeon becomes calm as she feels overwhelmed about this experience, an experience that she’ll never forget. 

The ride then stops after two laps as you sigh in relief, thanking that everything is over as you got up on your seat slowly and checked on Seoyeon immediately if she was alright.

“What do you mean? I’m really fine!” Her adrenaline-filled words reassures you yet you’re not convinced as you know how weakly she takes these kinds of rides. Even though you’re the one who got scared all throughout the ride, you still prioritize checking on Seoyeon as concern dominates your feelings.

“Are you really sure, Yeonie? I know you…”

“Yeah!! We can go for another one if you want to…”

“No, thank you.”

A giggle escapes your mouth from sarcastic persuasion as the both of you get out of the ride. It seems like she wants to go for another yet you know that she can’t take another more, so you doubted her limits. Of all of the things you’ve done, this is maybe the most exhilarating and the most regrettable one yet you didn’t complain further as you savor every second with Seoyeon and couldn’t ask for anything more.

A few walks is all it takes for a call of nature as you hurriedly rush to the nearest restroom you can find and also reminding Seoyeon that you’ll be back shortly and telling her to just wait in the bench near the coffee kiosk. 

—------------------------------------------

Boisterous noises of people screaming and having fun can be heard anywhere yet it’s just silence from Seoyeon—her right feet tapping the ground with a fixed pattern as her thumb scrolls up the contents of her newsfeed on her phone while waiting for you.

“Hey Yeonie, I’m here! I’m sorry that it took a while, coz’ there’s a lotta restrooms that are occupied…”

“It’s alright. I’m just feeling tired all of a sudden…”

You knew this would come yet not this way but it’s reasonable since it has been almost a full day of the both of you traveling and eating at places as well as having fun and you know she’s saying these kinds of things because of her subsided adrenaline. 

“Aren’t you just wanting to take a ride again on that roller-coaster earlier or am I just tripping?”

“Maybe both. Ugh, you’re such a kill-joy person. Haaa…”

Exasperated breaths escaped Seoyeon’s mouth as you know that she’s indeed serious about what she said earlier as it is evident. 

“Yah, I’m sorry Yeonie, it’s just the fact that I wanna know what you’re really feeling…”

A hand on her back, you patted her reassuringly, making her feel comfortable in your arms. She then smiled at your simple action which always makes your heart flutter. 

“You definitely look tired, Yeonie. I’ll take you home so you can rest, alright?”

“Okay…”

Without a time to waste, the both of you went to your car in the wide parking lot outside the amusement park. After the both of you got into the car, you asked her if she’s really feeling alright since she’s not really exaggerating when it comes into expressing what she’s feeling.

“I’m just feeling tired, that’s all…”

“Oh, okay… Don’t you want some food? You’re maybe just hungry because of that ride.”

“I’m good. I just wanna rest…”

“Are you sure Yeonie?”

“I am…”

She then held your hand as a sign of trust, making you convinced that she’s feeling fine yet you’re skeptical, knowing how she’s feeling not-so-herself today. 

You always had a thought of her faking her façade to attract your attention but it doesn’t seem to be the case at this moment. The both of you then went to the parking lot, straight to your car as Seoyeonquickly opened the door and  thuds onto the seat, diverting your attention to her again as concern paints your face.

“Are you really alright, Yeonie?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, just drive us home so we can rest…”

Her reply is colder than ice; her face stern as you’re confused on what got to her to act this strange. Without any hesitation, you just dismissed those thoughts and just focused on driving the both of you home. 

*engine starts*

—---------------------------------------------------------------

This day has never been so awkward between you and Seoyeon as the both of you haven’t converse since you started driving. You didn’t mind taking a glance on what she’s doing as you’re focused on driving with nothing else in mind. You’re not feeling any anger or frustration, yet confusion is. She felt strange and you don’t know how to react to it so you just hope for this to end as it starts to ruin your day.

“Yah, Seoyeon-ah, are you-”

Finally having a thought to take a glimpse of her and you're not surprised on what you saw—her sleeping peacefully as her body rests like a panda. You didn’t look too long as you’re driving but you can’t help but giggle at her current state. 

“The things you do to me Seoyeon-ah…”

You then dismissed those enervating thoughts earlier as you played your favorite songs on the radio while driving to boost your mood and serotonin throughout the entire course of the ride. 

Completely ignoring any distractions, you bobbed your head to the beat of the music as you feel much more reinvigorated than before. It even got to the point that you almost forgot Seoyeon was even there, in the passenger seat, still sleeping peacefully.

It wasn’t such a long ride for the both of you as you just arrived at Seoyeon’s place with just the 8th song finishing its last seconds. 

“Yah, we’re—”

You paused as you took a look with flawless features. You just realized how mesmerizing she looks whenever she’s sleeping and you’re in awe of it. You’ll never get tired of seeing her, on how beautiful she looks—her visuals are out of this world. Dismiss the aggression on your voice and wake her up slowly and you did just that. Caress her cheek gently as you softly wake her up, she was met by your gaze as her eyes prettily fluttered, her drowsiness evident from her short, sweet nap. 

“We’re here Yeonie~”

“Woa—it was too fast, I wanted to sleep longer…”

“Well, the destination’s not that far from your place which explains why we’re fast. Plus, there was no traffic on our way here. Besides, you can sleep there as long as you want.”

She yawns in front of you as you find her stern face adorable rather than intimidating. With no time to waste, you turned off the engine after parking your car as you thought of opening the door for Seoyeon, making her puzzled and flustered.

“Didn’t know you were a gentleman. Thank you…” she giggled right after she said her sarcastic praise towards your actions. You scuffed as you know how much she loves teasing you but you didn’t mind—you rather found it cute than annoying.

“I’m happy to help, Ms. Lee.” your gentleman-like tone irks her as she lets out another giggle, knowing that you’re teasing her as she’s not offended.

“Ugh, stop it! You’re making me cringe…”

“My apologies then, Ms. Lee.”

“Ugh, stop it!”

Even though you’re playing with her, she couldn’t help but blush with your actions. Seoyeon finds your presentable tone and modulated voice with a hint of jocularity attractive rather than annoying. Not so long after, you opened the door that leads to her house, clicking and unlocking the locks and she rushes and thuds onto the couch.

You, on the other hand, are enthusiastically going around the house as you’re thinking about the possible ways that can make her out of that mood.

- - -

“Bring her one of her favorite chocolates?” 

“Nope, that’s the oldest trick in the book.”

- - -

“Maybe, watch some movies with her?”

“I doubt that she’ll even be interested in a single one.”

- - -

“Cook her an early dinner?” 

“She’s not really hungry, and she may not even eat it knowing I cooked it—she’s not a big fan of my cooking skills.”

- - -

“Ughhh, it sucks!” you rolled your eyes in disappointment as none of them seemed to work, or so you really thought.

“Hey, calm down, geez! Why the hell are you acting so stressed? Pftt…” Seoyeon snapped as she’s clearly annoyed by her actions. Why would she be annoyed? She made you overthink so much then she’s the one who has the guts to be “pissed”? Well, there’s only a single answer to find a solution out of this peculiar act.

“And why are you acting like that Seoyeon? I don’t know what got into you to act like this.” you snarled at her as you’re now at your breaking point. This was supposed to be a celebration but why is it like the opposite? There’s nothing you can feel but irritation as you glared at Seoyeon, sending shivers down her spine. 

As you’re about to go to the kitchen, Seoyeon shouts to stop you as ignored her, not minding anything at the moment as Seoyeon feels like it’s her fault for being like this. Well, maybe it is but you’re also questioning yourself on how the both of you are acting like kids towards each other. Having a second thought, you turned back to go to Seoyeon as a loud splash ringed your eardrums, surprising you on what happened suddenly.

“Surprise!” Numerous people shouted in joy as confetti flew around the room, surprising you with a lot of things as there was a birthday party the day after. You were caught off-guard as you don’t know what to feel at that very moment. Seoyeon was late after chasing you as she caught you, frozen on the spot with an awkward expression.

“I guess, it’s a… Surprise! Hah…”” Seoyeon’s sarcastic tone makes things even awkward as the plan has been ruined. She didn’t know that you’ll break like this as all was just a set-up. You knew something was suspicious once Seoyeon got out of her usual mood today and your speculations were right. You’re surprised to see her friends (Hayoung, Chaeyoung, Jisun, Jiheon and Jiwon) right here at her house to surprise the both of you—originally it was just you yet the plan has been ruined, leaving Seoyeon panicking and surprised about the sudden outcome.

“I’m sorryyyyy…” Seoyeon’s signature pouting tone made you collect your temper and calmed you down from the sudden burst of anger you’ve felt—more like a disappointment. Seoyeon felt bad seeing you like that and she knows she’s the reason behind this—she knows how much you hate people getting shrewish and the ones who always kill the good vibes. Awkwardness still resonates around the room as it’s dead quiet, Seoyeon breaking it by back-hugging you and tip-toeing to rest chin onto your shoulder, making you squeal because of how cute she is. You then face her as a smile of reassurance paints your lips, signaling that you’re fine with it as you hug her in return.

Hayoung and Chaeyoung were frozen on the spot too, holding the confetti poppers as giggles escaped their lips because of how cute the both of you are whilst Jisun, JIheon and Jiwon were teasing the both of you silently as Jiwon breaks the silence, shouting that the both of you should kiss as your cheeks redden. Seoyeon was also moved by what Jiwon had said as she hid her face with her hands, feeling shy as the serotonin was way too much and the pressure from Jiwon is not helping her, at all.

“Unnie! Please, stop it…”

“You two are so cute! The both of you should kiss together and—”

“Yah, Jiwon-ah, let them be! It’s their moment together!” Hayoung playfully scolded Jiwon as she pouts sheepishly, knowing that she’s maybe messing up another moment for the both of you. You didn’t seem to be bothered by her actions and so does Seoyeon—she even feels invigorated by Jiwon’s words. 

Without any time to waste, despite the still-awkward aura around the kitchen, Seoyeon invited everyone to celebrate your anniversary as plates and plates of mouth-watering food are displayed on the kitchen table. Your mouth waters by just seeing them as you hurriedly got plates for the girls but Jisun stopped you as she initiated to do preparations instead of you. 

“Please Jisun-ah, I’ll prepare the plates, I’m sure all of you got tired from preparing these.”

“No, Oppa, it’s alright. you sit down and relax yourself. Enjoy your time with Seoyeon, okay?”

There’s no other choice but to agree to her as Jisun patted your back, smiling as she got into action on preparing everything as Hayoung initiated to help too.

While the girls are busy preparing, talking and laughing, you divert your attention to Seoyeon who seems uneasy, her fingers fidgeting around the hem of her blouse as she looks at the environment outside, seemingly wandering to an empty abyss. 

“Yah, Seoyeon-ah… Are you okay?” you gently said as you approached her, making her gasp and involuntarily startling right after.

“Uhm… I don’t know… I’m—sorry about what I've done earlier.” Seoyeon says apprehensively knowing how much she had pissed you off earlier.

“Hey, Yeonie~” your tone is soft and reassuring, making Seoyeon relieved a little as she’s still not complacent—still worrying about your sudden burst-out earlier. 

“Don’t say sorry to me, I should be… I’m sorry for being too sensitive, I just—like, you know? You know—you know me, right?” your tone is uneasy, stuttering because of the overwhelming emotions you feel. She shouldn’t feel bad—she shouldn’t be in the first place, so with all your might, you kissed her on the forehead and embraced her despite the awkwardness the both of you are experiencing. 

You pull out of the embrace after a few seconds, knowing how it’ll make you embarrassed as there’s still Seoyeon’s friends, just meters away from the both of you. You’re uncomfortable showing affection towards Seoyeon with others around, so you pull right away, which Seoyeon didn’t mind—she’s also feeling embarrassed upon your act yet it still makes her flustered no matter what.

“Hey you two lovebirds! Come eat some food here!” Jiwon suddenly interrupts, teasing the both of you as Jiheon playfully hits Jiwon because of her sudden actions. Knowing Jiwon wasn’t offended or hurt by Jiheon’s hit, they proceeded to laugh it out as the rest of them joined the fun. 

Both of you didn’t seem to mind—Seoyeon is nonchalant and didn’t reciprocate further—as you smiled towards each other, taking a glimpse of her beautiful face and stood up on your seats not so long after. 

“Hey, what food do you want? We have some ‘kimchi jjigae’ here, some honey butter-flavored fried chicken here, and you favorite bulgogi—”

Time went slower as her voice is the only sound that echoes around your head. You then take a look at her flawless features: the sharp nose, those kissable lips of hers, her noticeable eyebags that earns her the nickname ‘panda’, those hazel-brown eyes—just everything you can think of: perfection. 

“Hey, are you good? Hey!”

“Wha-WHA! Ohh—ohh… Sorry, I was thinking of something, Yeonie…”

She eyed you suspiciously as she pouted right after, knowing that it’s nothing that she should think about thoroughly. Not so long after, you got your plate alongside your chopsticks and fork to indulge in the mouth-watering food you’re dying to eat.

—------------------------------------------

“Oh gosh, stop being so messy!”

“I can’t help it, Yeonie. It’s way toooooo~ delicious…” 

The scattered crumbs and sauce stains are all over your lips as Seoyeon sheepishly clicked her tongue, disappointed because of the mess you’re making—she feels like she’s taking care of a little child as she wipes the stain out off your lips with a tissue. 

Minutes and minutes had passed as more chatters and laughs reverberated around the kitchen, you felt euphoric as this has been the best experience you’ve had in your life. You could never ask for more as this is way too much of a celebration—the balloons and confetti that flew over thinking that a birthday party happened, the food and all of the effort exerted is—in your words—unreal. It’s maybe exaggerated—disregarding the serotonin you’re feeling, so are the butterflies on your stomach—yet your feelings are true, true in a way that you’re sincerely grateful and thankful for everything she's done for you, and she’s thinking the same as if your efforts are appreciated by hers.

“Uhm… Seoyeon-ah!”

As the both of you were still talking to each other, Seoyeon was stopped as she turned her head, only to see Jisun waving her hand and telling her that they’ll leave. They also thanked Seoyeon for the food as Seoyeon thanked them for helping them for the not-so-executed surprise for you and also about the planning that made all of this special, in a way.

The façade of your faces changed as the door closed—it wasn’t anything new as the both of you are just shy to reveal your true personalities when it comes to showing affection to others. You then approached Seoyeon and back-hugged her while she’s still busy peeking through the window as she lets out the tiniest, raspy scream you’ll ever hear and it’s way too adorable for you to handle. Her small squeals as you kiss her nape is one of the reasons why she’s the most adorable girl you’ve ever met. Even with her intimidating and daunting demeanor, she’s a soft puffball inside and it balances her looks well—that's according to you.

“Yahh… Aren’t you mad?”

“Why would I be? Besides, thank you for the food Yeonie. You don't really need to bother preparing so much.”

“Says the one who treated us in an amusement park and in the cinemas…”

Seoyeon giggled right after her joke towards you, knowing you aren’t offended as you find it rather wholesome. 

“Also, I’m still sorry for making you mad.”

“Oh, come on Yeonie, it’s not your fault, it’s mine. You don’t need to say sorry, okay?”

You reassure her once again as a faint smile curved those beautiful lips of hers. In a mere second, you hugged her again as you stroke her hair, letting her know that it’s not her fault but rather, yours. She doesn't hesitate to reciprocate as she snuggles her head onto your chest, comfortable that she’s right by your side.

She raised her head, flashing a vibrant smile as her eyes formed a crescent, showing how delightful she’s been feeling. You tucked her hair behind her ear as you kissed her forehead, earning a soft squeal from hers. The both of you pulled away from each other as she initiated to invite you to watch a movie.

“Can we?? Pleaseeee…”

With those puppy-like, crescent eyes combined with her small and captivating tone, how can you decline? Besides, you wanted to watch a couple of movies too as curiosity is the main culprit here. Seoyeon inviting you to watch something isn’t new to you. She invites you and persuades you to try and do something so you’re not surprised yet something baffles you—it baffles you to the fact that she suddenly kisses you on the cheek as her tone’s much more affectionate than before.

Well, maybe it’s because of our anniversary that’s why she’s acting like that—you’re just thankful for seeing such an adorable girl like her lit brighter than the sun and you wouldn’t complain about how she’s acting softer than usual.

“You’re really the best!” Seoyeon exclaims as she hopped on the couch, the loud thud audible as you glared at her, signaling that she should be careful or she’ll be hurt. 

“You’re no fun!”

“Just be careful next time Yeonie, gosh. You’ll hurt yourself.”

“Awww, he’s suddenly thoughtful about me! How cute is that!” Seoyeon’s mocking tone and her pleading face is enough to make you in awe but you suddenly act cold, playing with her as her face is puzzled, anticipating what could happen next.

“Am I always not thoughtful about you? How can I— not be soft whenever you’re around?” Your cold demeanor is exchanged with your fluttering words that makes Seoyeon blush faintly. You know how to turn on her buttons and so she is towards you but she never saw this coming.

“Stop i-it…”

“AH! You’re blushing!! AHH!”

“Stop!”

You already know that Seoyeon’s flustered once she faces away from you, her hands uneasy and her endearing yet intimidated tone. You always love to see those and you’ll make sure that you’ll treasure those saccharine smiles of hers at all times.

“Yah, aren’t we going to watch a movie?”

“Oh yeah, I totally forgot it when my mind’s all cloud up, all about you.”

“Yeonie, actually—” you held her hand as you endearingly stared right on her hazel-brown eyes, maintaining eye contact to her as you smiled involuntarily, her responding with a faint smile that’s full of enthusiasm, “—can’t we just, rest and cuddle each other?”

Seoyeon’s facial expressions changed faster than the speed of light; the utmost happiness can be felt just by seeing her smile as her delightful aura emanated, making you smile and feel the same happiness as she does. In just a few seconds, Seoyeon hugged you as you were pushed onto the couch, making you squeal lightly as you were shocked by her sudden action.

“I’m so glad to have you.”

“I’m glad too, Yeonie.”

A quick peck on Seoyeon’s lips is enough to show your affection towards her as her cheeks flushed rosy-pink. Both of you exchanged smiles as you break the silence, interrupting this wholesome moment which she didn’t seem to bother.

“I’m also glad your acting skills got better compared to a month ago—I think you should audition now, Yeonie…”

“Stop it!” she annoyingly responded and giggled right after. Knowing that she isn’t affected vastly, you laughed as she smiled back at you.

Whoa—those beautiful curved lips forming a saccharine smile should be always treasured, and you’ll promise to yourself that you’ll do, no matter how bitter or sweet everything can be.

“I love you…” your lips involuntarily shaped with the flow of those words as Seoyeon didn’t hesitate—nor got shocked—to reply back.

“I love you too…”

You then cupped her cheek—your eyes looking at her lovingly—as her hazel-brown eyes shining upon the not-so-dimness the room was emanating. Without any second being wasted, you pecked her lips and caressed your finger on her cheek as you enveloped her with your embrace, finding warmth on this cold, breezy and especially, the most memorable day in your life.

[scottguy]

Having spent a lot of time in recovery programs for myself and as company to others, you really do need that "higher power," however you find it, even if it's just the power of the group. (So, no worries if you're agnostic or atheist.)

Why? Because you've tried "willpower" and it fails addicts repeatedly. That extra push *has* to be external and a bit spiritual.

Second, when you start serving others by staying clean/ sober long enough to be a mentor or to just start being HELPFUL to your loved ones...

THAT is the real key trick.

It *really* helps end the cycle of making life about yourself and the substance. (The hedonism of addiction can make a person very selfish.)

There are few better feelings in life than those of helping others and being constructive, a good partner, a good father, a good mother, a good child, a good friend, or just a good roommate. People will love you and that will flood your brain with love & happiness neurotransmitters (serotonin, oxytocin, endorphins, dopamine, etc.)

Being useless creates a ton of resentment towards you. When you're of service and emotionally available, you'll get more love and less anger and thus feel less need for chemical support. Feeling like an assh*le is a powerful incentive to seek chemical relief.

So, it's not just about staying clean/sober. It's about becoming that good person you used to be and will be again when you find your goodness again. Once you've got that back, you'll be far less tempted to throw it away.

Last tip. I lost a loved one to pretty much unrepentant alcoholism. As they joke in AA, she "wanted to want to get better."

They say the people who fail that program are, "unable to be completely honest with themselves." It's true.

That "fearless self inventory" step... she couldn't ever complete it. I don't understand why.

We're all our own worst critics, especially when feeling the self-loathing addicts often feel.

So, if we can manage that icky feeling, then listing our faults, areas for improvement, etc. and yes, even our strengths... shouldn't be so hard. Right?

I never got any apologies from her... even after years of patient loving support. It would have meant SO much to me. But, even more importantly, it would have helped her!

So I wrote an apology letter for her because I just craved to hear the words, even if they were fictional.

When I read it to her, to give her an idea of what a good apology would sound like (and have been so sweet to hear), she said, "Oh, it hurts my heart to hear this." 🙄 That statement just blew my mind.

So you've damaged our lives and hurt your family in multiple ways... but you can't be inconvenienced to admit it? We're just supposed to pretend everything is fine to protect your feelings when you've repeatedly crushed ours? Crazy.

So, that's what I mean when I say addicts/drunks are selfish. She couldn't be honest about the pain she was creating by having lost her job and failing for years to become sober or earn any money after that.

Failing to be honest with themselves also keeps people from starting on that path back to being loving.

People will forgive you, BUT they can NOT grant forgiveness if you fail to acknowledge wrongs and pain you created and THEN ask. They NEED to hear it. They crave it. It will make them happy to know you see their suffering. They truly deserve credit and detest being so taken for granted.

Not being honest is just fooling *yourself* because everyone else is acutely aware of the grief you cause.

So, ignoring the consequences of our behavior because they're uncomfortable realities to face also helps to keep us stuck. It perpetuates resentment. Worse, it prevents us from acting kindly.

Others truly will appreciate your apologies if you are sincere and keep making efforts to be useful. More than anything, people just want you to be a functional, loving, and useful person. When you find that good person in you again, sobriety will be much easier.

Just my humble opinions after a decade of experience.

[gretavanlace]

Across the Miles

Josh Kiszka x reader

18+ only! Minors do not interact!

Warnings: graphic sexual content, mentions of alcohol, masturbation, dirty talk, language, etc.

**this was a requested blurb that got away from me a little bit. Apparently, like our dear Josh, I too, am long winded**

“Why didn’t I just bring the bottle with me?” you lament, eyeing your nearly empty glass of pinot.

Your bathwater and it’s dwindling bubbles slosh mildly when you turn your attention to Storm, your indifferent Russian Blue perched regally on the bathroom sink.

“Go get me a refill.”

He chirps in reply and circles gracefully once, twice, and then curls himself into a ball on the counter.

“Thanks for the help, jerk.” you smile, rising and reaching for the towel you left folded on the floor beside your ancient, clawfoot tub.

You’re toweling off the locks of hair that loosened from your bun and dipped into the water when your phone comes to life. Disturbed, Storm hops down to the floor and swishes out of the room with a disgruntled glare.

Josh’s name is displayed on the screen, instantly setting a smile free on your lips. It also, for the sake of honesty, makes a muted, electric tingle of lust come to life between your legs. Josh only calls when he wants one thing.

When he is away, as he so often is these days, he almost exclusively facetimes you. “Why would I ignore the option of looking at your beautiful face, darling?” he likes to say, even when he catches you fresh out of bed and looking a mess.

On the other hand, when Josh wants to communicate in a different way, he goes old school.

“Phone sex is meant to be all about your voice, my voice, words and whispers, sounds and longing.” he had pointed out that first time, when you begged to see him, to watch what he was doing. “Just close your eyes and listen, and talk, and picture it all, mama.”

“Hey baby. Why a phone call? I want to see your face.” you grin into the phone, even though he can’t see you. It isn’t for his benefit anyway, it's your body’s natural reaction to hearing from him in any capacity. He turns your world upside down and clouds your brain with serotonin.

“Hey mama.” His voice is quiet, and his tongue sounds sort of loose, as if he might be a little bit drunk. “You know why I’m calling. I like it when you’re coy though, it’s sweet...kinda innocent. Hot.”

An uncharacteristic giggle escapes you. Only Josh can make you behave like a giddy high school girl wracked with puppy love. “Where are you? How was the show?”

“I’m in my bunk, drunk. Hey, write that down for me, would you, darling? Sounds like the beginnings of a haiku. Fuck, I’m so gifted.”

“Oh my god,” your full, uninhibited laugh makes an appearance this time. “Yeah, I’ll make sure to jot it down. Seriously though, how was the show?”

“It was great.” His voice is low, partly out of respect for the others trying to sleep on the bus, and partly because he grows quiet when he’s turned on, but quiet only in volume...he talks incessantly, and sex –in any form– is no exception.

“Jake added that riff he’s been working on for the new album. Crowd went nuts.”

“It’s a damn good riff.”

“It is.” he agrees. “You okay? How was your day?”

You could open your mouth and begin reciting every single monotonous detail of your schedule. Right down to the fact that your favorite bakery ran out of the raspberry drizzled croissants you love, so you went with a bear claw instead, and he would listen attentively to it all, adding sympathetic and enthusiastic comments here and there.

“Was it one of those huge bear claws like we had at that little diner in Portland that time?” he might ask. Or, “What is it that you like so much about those croissants, anyway? Is it the raspberry or do you just feel fancy saying croissant? Croissant...say it enough and it loses all meaning. Words are strange, aren’t they?”

Sparing him the mundane details, you sigh that your day was fine. Boring and fine...that’s all that you can hope for without him sometimes. “That’s not why you called though, baby. Is everyone else asleep?”

“I think so. Passed out is probably more like it.” he hums. “You miss me, mama?”

“So much.” you’ve wandered into the bedroom and made yourself comfortable on the bed in the middle, draped halfway on your side, halfway on his.

“I miss you, too. So fucking much. I’m all alone in my bunk, curtain pulled, in the dark, thinking about you, and what I’d ask you to do to me tonight if I was with you.”

Hmm, you ponder his phrasing for only a moment- you know what he wants to hear.

“You’d ask me?” you toss back, seductively. “Would you say please like a good boy?”

“Yes.” a breath shudders out of him and across the miles straight into your already pulsing center. “You know I’m a good boy for you, mama. Where are you right now?”

“I’m in our bed.” your free hand has already begun to tease over your inner thigh. “I just got out of the tub so my skin is still pink and sensitive from the hot water, I wish your hands were all over me. I’m already so wet. Just hearing your voice...fuck, I need you.”

“I bet you’re a vision...” his voice is like velvet gliding through your blurry mind. “I wish I was there to settle in between those beautiful legs and suck you. I’d give fucking anything to make you cum right now.”

“Where is your hand, baby?” you breathe into the phone as your own fingers begin playing languidly around with the aching, soaked desire he has created.

“Wrapped around my dick. Where’s your’s?”

“You know exactly where mine is. Tell me, sweetheart, do you wish I was there to suck your pretty cock for you?”

A moan gasps out of him, likely a little louder than he would have hoped. “Yeah, I do. I wish I was fucking my pretty little mama’s mouth right now, trying to hold off on cumming down your throat. Fuck, I need it, mama. My cock is pounding for you.”

“I can taste you, you know.” you whisper, punctuating yourself with a tiny whine as your fingers pick up speed on your clit. “Anytime I want. I can just close my eyes and conjure up the way your cum tastes on my tongue...it’s as if I committed it to memory without even trying. That’s how much I love it.”

“Yeah?” you listen to his breath quicken into rapid puffs of need. “Can you taste it right now?”

Sighing, you dip your fingers into yourself and then slide them back up to swirl wet circles into your clit. “I can. Can you taste me? I’m so fucking wet, Josh, it’s all over my fingers. Do you remember how sweet it is on your tongue?”

“So damn sweet, darling. You’re like a little pot of honey...I wish I could carry it around with me and drizzle it over every fucking meal I’m served.” The sound of rustling sheets travels through the miles as you attempt to recover.

“Fuck, Josh...” you breathe. “That was hot.”

“Does that do it for you, mama?” he asks softly, with a smirk evident in his tone. “That I like the way you taste that much?”

You don’t bother to answer. He knows. “What about the way it feels? You like that too?”

“I fucking love the way it feels.” A murmur of a grunt interrupts him and nearly stops your heart. “Warm, and wet...always so fucking wet. And so tight, you get even tighter just before you cum. You grip my cock like a pretty silken vice. Like velvet, just squeezing and squeezing. Fuck, I want it so badly. I want you. Wanna fuck you.”

“I want you inside me, Josh.” you can’t manage more than a muted hush, and you have to force yourself to slow your fingers. Your body is alight with agonized longing and wild, barely contained lust. “I need it, baby. Need to feel you pushing your way in, the way it burns so good at first, the stretch...fuck, those first few seconds when you slide all the way in. So full, and hot, and hard. God, you make me feel so fucking good.”

“Goddamn, mama...” he sounds so out of breath and desperate. So out of control and needy. “If you were in this bunk with me right now, I’d make your eyes roll back in your head. I would, baby. I’d make you feel so good, make you cum, make you tremble and melt for me. I’d be so good for you, whatever you wanted.”

“I know you would.” your thighs press together around your hand, trying to calm yourself down a bit. “You always make me feel good. Would you put your gorgeous mouth between my legs and make me cum? Would you eat me until I cried like you did the night before you left? You did so good for me, Josh...made me cum so hard. I think about it all the time. I dreamt about it the other night, and just before you made me cum, I woke up.”

“Then what happened?” he rasps.

“I told you, I woke up.”

“I know,” his voice sounds deliciously teasing. “But then what, mama? Did you slip your hand beneath the covers to finish what I started?”

“Mhmm.” you lend a hint of secrecy to your tone. “Would you do it for me right now if you were here?

“Fuck yes I would...I love the way your hips can’t keep still, the way you rock against my mouth. How you really get going the closer you get, when you get so desperate for it you fuck yourself against me until you explode in my mouth. The way you sound, you get so whiny and sweet. The begging.”

“You like it when I beg, baby?” you tease through a moan. “When I plead with you to do dirty things to me in the dark? When I ask you sweetly to make me cum?”

“Mhmm, you turn all soft and innocent. All those cute little moans and ‘pleases’ make my cock fucking pound.”

“Is your cock hard right now? Is it aching and leaking for my mouth? For my cunt?” You allow a louder moan to escape you and pick up the pace on your clit in response to his moan that calls back to you.

“Yeah, I’m so hard for you, sweetheart. God, the things I would do to just fuck it into you right now. To just fucking give it to you all night. Wouldn’t that be nice? Spending the night with my hard cock inside you?”

Your toes curl at the thought, you’d kill for it. You shock even yourself by how literally you mean that right here in this frenzied moment. “So nice. Fuck, just come home already!”

“Soon, darling. I miss you so much.” the air drags into his lungs raggedly. “You close? ‘Cause I’m almost there, mama. You’ve got me so fucking worked up. My cock is so wet, I’m a mess.”

The image of his beautiful cock, hard and soaked in precum, fist pumping faster and faster springs forth, and thought alone is enough to send you spiraling.

“I’m gonna cum.” the words flutter out of you as your entire body starts to tremble. 

“You’re gonna cum?” A groan rides low in his chest as he frantically encourages you. “Does it feel good, sweetheart? Is your pretty pussy burning up and clenching for my cock?”

“Yes...” you shake out through gritted teeth. “Come on, baby. Cum with me. Can you do it quietly?”

“For you, I can, darling. For you.” he whispers, with a high pitched - yet still subtle - whimper. “Fuck, mama. I’m gonna— fuck, fuck!”

The sound of Josh, so muffled and strangled as he fights to stay as silent as possible, pulls you under right alongside him, and you orgasm hard and fast, listening to his whispered curses and whines as if from under water...like you’re floating in a warm, still pond, searching for him.

Silence wraps up around the two of you, save for the frantic breaths panting out of you in sync. You lie there with him, basking in the afterglow for a while, pining for the way he would hold you if he were home.

As if reading your thoughts, he breaks the silence. “I’d wrap my arms around you and sing you to sleep if I could, mama. I’m sorry I’m away so often.”

In order to keep yourself from crying you brush your loneliness away with a joke. “I doubt it’ll be a problem for very much longer. I’m sure the others are actively searching for a new front man so they don’t have to hear any more of our late night calls.”

He laughs, but it sounds a little sad. “Will you just stay on the phone with me until I fall asleep?”

You snuggle down under the covers on his side just to feel a little closer to him, and drift off with the sound of his deep, even breaths beside you on the pillow.

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