#but that's a different thing
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Barbatos is loved for his perfection, but what if we love him and were not perfect?
This is something I think about a lot. Barbatos is famously good at everything he does, and while that may simply seem impressive and admirable. I van only ever imagine it being slightly painful. Yeah, at the start, I'd be like "Wow, I love my multitalented boyfriend. I love to watch him work his magic." But then when it comes to something I also love doing, I'd just feel inferior.
I'll be using gardening as an example. I love gardening! I've had flower and vegetable gardens my whole life. In fact, I just planted one for this season, and I like to think I'm pretty good at it. So, when I ask Barbatos for some help with my garden, it'll all be fine and dandy, and we'll have a nice little gardening date. All is well until I go to the Demon Lord's Castle and bare witness to the huge gardens with herbs even the masters couldn't cultivate. (Simeon mentions this about Barbatos' Dark Thyme, I believe. Could be wrong, though)
So now, whenever I ask Barbatos for help in my garden, I can only feel that he's bored and believes I'm doing something wrong because he is so much better than I.
Even if it's not him who harnesses a skill, just someone he knows. Barbatos is the butler of the future king of the Devildom, meaning he attends all the balls, meaning he sees the live orchestra. Imagine how inferior I would feel when I find out Barbatos has seen the best cello players of all time play in front of him several times over. Do you think I'd ever want to play for him after that? No way!
That's another thing I often think about. Just the fact that he's done or seen far better shows of skill would completely put me off and make me not want to show him anything in the first place.
I know he'd say I'm silly and reassure me he loves me no matter what. He doesn't care about my level of skill! BUT I CARE ‼️
I think perhaps you're missing one very crucial thing here. Barbatos would love to help you with your garden because it's yours. He would love to hear you play the cello because it would be you he gets to hear. He would see you putting your heart and soul into something you love and that's the part that would matter the most to him.
Imagine that someone you love, who has never gardened before in their life, decides to start a garden. Would it bore you to help them? Or would you see that as an opportunity to flex your own gardening skills? Maybe you tell them about things that messed you up in the beginning and save them from undesirable results. Maybe you feel happy when they succeed because you gave them good advice. Maybe they come across a problem in their garden that you didn't have to deal with in yours, but with the experience you already have about gardening, you're able to help them find a solution.
I feel like I can give some insight on this concept in a more general sense and inevitably it informs how I think Barbatos would be.
I'm kind of known irl for being "the writer." And that means that people want to show me their writing. I've never once read someone else's writing and been like, wow I'm bored and I know I could write this so much better. It isn't my story. It's theirs. And it's theirs in a way that is unique to them. I could never hope to replicate it. Just because they're not as experienced at it as I am doesn't mean it isn't just as important as anything I've written. I get excited when I see people writing because I love to write and now this is a passion we share.
I think Barbatos would be absolutely thrilled that you enjoy gardening. Because it's something he enjoys, too. I don't think he would ever compare you to anyone else, whether you're gardening or playing the cello or writing or even making tea. It doesn't matter how skilled he is or how perfect he is. What matters is that you're doing something that you love and he gets to share a piece of that with you.
Everything has been done before and there will always be someone better at something than you. What makes that thing special is that it's yours. And I can't imagine for one second that Barbatos wouldn't understand that concept on such a deeply fundamental level that he probably doesn't even realize it.
#gonna get too personal in the tags#but I know how it is to have someone who thinks you're inferior in everything that you do#and I can tell you right now that if someone is like that with you#it's because something hurt them too#and they likely need therapy to work it out#but it isn't about you#there's healthy competition between people who are on a similar level#but that's a different thing#people who are better at something are more likely to want to help you get better at the thing too#especially if they love you#obey me#obey me nightbringer#obey me barbatos#mjoria#cc mutuals#misc answers
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you could make levi cry by having him watch princess jellyfish and you could make belphie cry by showing him Two-Headed Calf by Laura Gilpin and all the illustrations people have made
#you could make solomon cry by genuinely caring about him and giving him a hug#but that's a different thing
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How can you deal with the problem of suffering if everybody conspires to estrange you from suffering?
--- The Only Problem, by Muriel Spark.
#it's funny because by the end suffering comes for him#in a very very odd way#his wife is in a terrorist organization#but that's a different thing#muriel spark#the only problem#summer tbr
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in case you're wondering what the greatest AMV of all time is, it's this one from 2008.
#video#serial experiments lain#this is related to TWO different things ive posted about today#which is serial experiments lain and gay bar by electric six#and it reminded me of this
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This is how I write too and frankly it's how I have learned many new words. Just as I won't have a child character describe something with eloquent words, I will not dumb down a character who absolutely would use the fanciests words possible
This might be unpopular but I’m not going to use simpler vocabulary in my writing if it’s out of character for the narrator. If my POV character is a botanist, he’s going to call a plant by its name. If you don’t know what it is you can either Google it or move on just knowing it’s a plant of some sort.
I don’t like this trend of readers being angry that not everything is 100% understandable for them. I want my characters to be believable as people and sometimes people use words people outside of their field will not understand. That’s not a bad thing.
You don’t have to understand every word to get the gist of what’s happening. I’m not going to slow down an action scene to describe every weapon because someone might not know them by name. They can just assume it’s a weapon because that makes sense in the context of the scene.
#tbh i had kinda missed there was a trend among certain readers about this#mostly because i more or less live under a rock and miss most of the drama#but i'm not very surprised it's a thing#i get complaining if it's like course litterature#and you can tell the writer has written it to impress other academics rather than explain things to students#even though it's supposed to be aimed for students who are new to the subject#but that's a different thing#characters have their own voice and you're not only doing the character a disservice if you ignore it#you make the whole book a disservice bc the characters will sound more similar and nuance gets washed away and so on#and also that it's good opportunities for readers to learn new words and grow themselves#(i learned what ineffable means that way for example)
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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the way people online talk about autism is getting really weird, like do they know that neurotypicals still have interests? that someone being passionate about a hobby doesn't mean they're autistic? you guys know that right
#woof#like self diagnosis is one thing#but saying someone is autistic because they talk about a specific hobby a lot is weird (and waters down the actual definition of autism)#and its no different than saying someone has ocd bc they organize their books alpabetically#or saying someone has ADHD because they got distracted by something#and people who aren't even autistic are honestly getting way too comfortable with autism jokes
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
--
no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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There’s that post that’s like ‘everyone should get into a tiny niche fandom at least once’ fully agree, that was really fun -- but I would like to add that everyone should get into a fandom where their opinions run counter to major fanon because it really teaches you about sticking to your guns and trusting your interpretation of the text without having to rely on peer validation
because WHAT are people talking about sometimes
#aka: genuinely sometimes I think I live in a parallel universe and simply watched/read different things#full disclosure it does make you feel like a killjoy sometimes#because often times these fanons will be presented in a silly jokey manner#'oh so silly isn't this character so funny this is just my silly little headcanon'#and it's like yes yes lol lol but ok look me in the eyes and tell me you know that this is#at best only one interpretation of many and at worst simply not supported by the text at all#please tell me you know that#or in one specific example such a ubiquitous joke that is literally a significant theme of the work and i feel like SUCH a killjoy#being like 'ok yes very funny.....you know that was a major theme right?? tell me you know that'
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one of the biggest things I can advocate for (in academia, but also just in life) is to build credibility with yourself. It’s easy to fall into the habit of thinking of yourself as someone who does things last minute or who struggles to start tasks. people will tell you that you just need to build different habits, but I know for me at least the idea of ‘habit’ is sort of abstract and dehumanizing. Credibility is more like ‘I’ve done this before, so I know I can do it, and more importantly I trust myself to do it’. you set an assignment goal for the day and you meet it, and then you feel stronger setting one the next day. You establish a relationship with yourself that’s built on confidence and trust. That in turn starts to erode the barrier of insecurity and perfectionism and makes it easier to start and finish tasks. reframing the narrative as a process of building credibility makes it easier to celebrate each step and recognize how strong your relationship with yourself can become
#this is my experience so I know it won’t work for everyone#like all things there is no universal formula#we all have different capacities and capabilities#but I like sharing things that work for me in case they can also help someone else#studyblr#study motivation#study tips#university#academia#uni tips
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#ordinary photo of yeti#they made astarion in a lab for me to be obsessed with.#like hottest man in game for me is halsin truthfully. astarion is my shitty little white dog with separation anxiety who bites people.#very different things. if i say i'm doing a playthrough as astarion that's when you put me down#main factor motivating me not to is i need to hear neil newbon's voice acting at least once a minute or i die.#i've got a dark urge concept rattling around the brain but i should maybe self-impose a gaming break and take care of. responsibilities 😐#babbling
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when people talk about serial killers that target women they do not often enough specify it's typically a vulnerable demographic of women (sex workers, often ones in poverty) rather than like, a random woman jogging in an upper class neighborhood. these sex workers are a favorable target due to cops not giving a shit, stigmatization of sex work resulting in these women being isolated, and already existing violent misogyny towards them in our society.
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homeschooling should 100% be illegal the usamericans coping in those tags need to shut up. it's illegal in most of the world unless the kid has some medical condition, in which case a public teacher is assigned to personally give home lessons, no parent is qualified for that. bizarre to think otherwise.
#here teachers can't even teach their own kids at school#if your parent is a teacher you'll be put in a class they don't teach#no ways around it#private schools should also be illegal#but that's a different thing
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also think i'm gonna, like, but a hold on most of the other danganronpa fics i've got started until the rough of oalh is done. (with the exception of wyht, on which i would like to make more small progress and haven't in a while.)
i've had some good brainstorming on the dr/go crossover so i have a better idea of how i want to write yui and kyoko for that, i have a good idea of what i want to do with the junmugi cosplay fic, i have a good idea of what i want to do with the kiridare and tsumaki fics i started during rarepair week.
but i think i want to focus in on finishing the rough of the trilogy and then, like. pick a thing and focus on it, etc. etc.
brain has had enough time taking a break, i think, and i actually know pretty much exactly what i want to do with this one, i just need to write it all out and get the smaller details hammered out, you know?
....
that said, i may see if i can get something up for tsumugi's birthday. and also maybe for yui's birthday.
we'll see.
#musings#bandit writes fic#dr1 end rewrite fic#monica towa fic#junmugi cosplay fic#kirdare fic#uh what was my tag for the other one#was it#tsumaki fic#?#idk i'm gonna leave it like that for now#dr go crossover fic#i still need to figure out a title for the sigh rewrite for the#dr haruhi crossover#but that's a different thing#that goes up next month i should have a title for that
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happy booping! 🐾
#and happy halloween!! 🦇#dick grayson#damian wayne#daminyan#dynamic duo 2.0: what would you do without me?#booping and kneading are v different things but. kneading cute 😔#felt fitting to do beast world art for this year and the return of boops was perfect timing 😭#will return to my vampire Damian roots tho haha i miss him!!#also first time making a gif so not sure if the quality is just always Like That lol
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I love Suffering animatics/art where Odysseus has a chain or rope around his ankle, connecting him to the mast. not only is it a great reference to the source material, but it implies that someone on the ship was worried that the mere sight of Penelope might convince Odysseus to jump in the water, even though he knows its a siren who will kill him
and that they were so persuasive in this argument that Odysseus actually agreed to it
#they are my favourite thing#“he keeps saying he'd die to see his wife again”#how did that conversation go#epic the musical#suffering#different beasts#epic odysseus#epic penelope#odypen#odysseus x penelope#sirens#nuclear war speaks
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