#but that’s a tangent for another post

[sparrowlucero]

I love the licensed doctor who ttrpg where the author clearly has some sort of personal disdain towards non human or campy player characters but contractually can't exclude them (on account of it's doctor who) so instead opts to passive aggressively bully people out of playing aliens and having funny names

[trans-axolotl]

my gendered experience growing up as an intersex person was overwhelmingly defined by my responses and resistance to everything that got me labeled as a failure: failure to quickly get a gender assigned at birth, failure to go through a normal puberty and grow up into a woman, failure at meeting the standards for "complete womanhood" because of my intersex sex traits, and yet simultaneously failing to ever be acknowledged as a "real man" and being treated as a threat when I expressed I wanted to transition.

before i realized i was a man and came out as trans, the ways that girlhood was denied to me was very often humiliating and painful. locker rooms filled with other girls were a frequent source of shame. there were many big and small ways that i was told that my intersex body made me insufficient, incomplete, broken. i was forced onto estrogen, forced into shaving my body hair, and was constantly being told to change myself to better fit this mystical idea of a "normal woman." and even though I ultimately ended up becoming a man, the denial of girlhood was painful.

but i think that these things would have been even more difficult to navigate as an intersex girl if on top of everything I already said, i was having to cope with the denial of my girlhood while i was forced into boys locker rooms. if my doctors were forcing me onto testosterone hrt and refusing to even discuss estrogen, if all my legal paperwork had "M" on it and was a logistical nightmare to change, if every support group for my intersex variation labeled it as a "men's support group," if the LGBTQ community spaces i tried to join were misogynistic towards me often to the point of exile, if my self determination as an intersex girl was denied in most spaces of my life, and on and on and on. while listing all these things out i also don't want to make it seem like it's all about suffering and pain--so much of transition for me has been about joy in my self determination and how much it feels like a reclamation of autonomy to decide what I want my body and self to be like--i know this is an experience i share with so many of my trans intersex friends.

as an person who was AFAB, although there were many ways that trying to grow up as an intersex girl were a painful, logistical nightmare, many times and places that i was excluded from woman's spaces, etc. however, there was a simultaneous affirmation that i was right to strive for that in the first place. which is logic rooted in some fucked up compulsory dyadism, but also which would have made some things slightly easier or even possible at all if i had wanted to embrace being an intersex girl within this fucked up system.

pretty much every time i've seen people on tumblr talking about "afab transfems" in an intersex context, people seem happy to collapse these experiences and act like there's no meaningful distinction or point in distinguishing between different types of intersex embodiment. it seems incredibly extractive, to be perfectly honest with you--taking terms already used by a community to make meaning of their experiences and to expand and dilute that term enough that it means something pretty different than the original.

it's making me think about the concept of epistemic injustice, which is a term coined by Miranda Fricker to describe oppression related to knowledge, communication, and making meaning of the world. There's two subtypes of epistemic injustice: testimonial injustice and hermeneutical injustice. Testimonial injustice refers to the dynamic where marginalized people are labeled as not credible, excluded from conversations, and their testimony and knowledge is labeled as unreliable, even when they're the ones who are experts and have first hand experience of what people are talking about. (this is why i probably won't make this post rebloggable--i've noticed this pattern on tumblr many times where trans men speaking about transmisogyny get lots of notes and are given a lot of grace, where trans women are silenced, attacked for not having perfect wording, and otherwise delegitimized.)

the second type is called hermeneutical injustice. it describes how marginalized people are denied the right to make sense of the experiences in their own lives. this can look like preventing people from building community, terminology, a political understanding of themselves, and the interpretive resources needed to process how you live in the world.

this is a form of injustice that I think almost all intersex people are very familiar with--we are denied community and interpretive resources to the point that we're told we don't even exist, that intersex isn't a real word, and so many more examples that leave us isolated and with very few options for understanding what we're collectively experiencing. as an intersex person i really intimately understand how frustrating, confusing, and painful it is to not have words for your experiences, your identity, your life.

so it makes me really sad and pissed off when it seems like intersex people seem to be replicating this exact same type of epistemic injustice towards transfems and specifically towards intersex transfems. pretty much every time recently i see people talking about "afab transfems" they're doing so in a way that seems to deny that trans women even have the right to make sense of their own experiences in the world. there seems to be this mindset that these political frameworks, these interpretive resources that transfems have built up are just up for grabs for anyone. and then on top of that has come with it a lot of cruel, hateful language and direct attacks towards many intersex transfems who are facing so much harassment right now.

an important value to me is this idea of reciprocity as a foundation for solidarity. to me reciprocity means that we're prioritizing the ways we care for each other, we're thinking about how we can uplift each other, and we're watching out for extractive or exploitative patterns where one group is constantly expected to be in "solidarity" with another group without getting the same respect and care back toward them. i think that there could be so many ways that intersex people of all genders could share our overlapping experiences and actually be in true, meaningful solidarity with each other, but i barely ever actually see that happen on tumblr. and that pisses me off, because i do think that there's so much we have in common that we could celebrate and support each other with. i feel so much kinship with so, so many of my trans intersex friends, and ways where i see our lives converge. but i don't think that can happen in an environment where there's no acknowledgment of the ways that our experiences will sometimes (often) differ from each other, and the ways that we have unique needs.

another frustration i've had based on this most recent couple months of transmisogynistic intersex posting on tumblr is how intersex people have been mostly ignoring intersex community resources and devaluing the existing intersex terminology that people created to try to meet our needs. so much of what i've seen people describing on tumblr seems to really line up with the term ipsogender. Ipsogender is a term coined by an intersex sociologist Cary Gabriel Costello, and is used to describe intersex people whose gender matches the gender they were medically assigned at birth, but who might not feel like cis or trans fits them, might experience dysphoria, and who might feel like they've ended up transitioning medically or socially in some ways. this is a word that exists that an intersex person put time into coining because they wanted other intersex people to feel seen, embraced, and have ways of understanding themselves and communicating to others, and that's something that's super meaningful to me! and yet, i've rarely seen anyone reference it, and also seen multiple people making fun of it in other spaces online.

there's also intergender, which is another intersex specific gender term used to describe when your gender is inseparable from your intersex traits, and that your intersex identity is intertwined with your gender identity in some way. some people just identify as intergender, others use it as an adjective and exist as an intergender man or woman. intersex terminology like this is really important to me, especially because we're so often denied the right to make sense of our own experiences.

i think ultimately what i wanted to say with this post is just that when i think about intersex community, some of the most important values of intersex community for me are solidarity, care for each other, and affirming our right to define our own existence. and i don't think that can happen in a community where people are acting in extractive ways, harassing and attacking their fellow community members, and being dismissive of the realities of other intersex people's lives.

[hayaku14]

kaito buying every ticket to every soccer game available just to see that excited look on shinichi's face

[tragedry]

A Guide to Ashler or Tylyn And Why You (🫵🏻) should Consider Shipping Them Too

(join my cause, and ship this with me <3)

[sun-snatcher]

JUMPING IN IMMEEEEDIATELY because god I cannot help but think of Matt Fucking Murdock deciding that he hasn’t got a good enough grasp of what you look like after workinf with you for a while so asks to feel your face to learn by touch just!!!!!! Tender workplace tension bro

( beautiful gif, once again, from the incredible @chrlie-cox ! )

𖤓 ─ SUNNY-SIDE UP ! ; a drabble

summ. Nelson, Murdock & Page has a fresh-faced hire. pairing. matt murdock / secretary!f!reader - “Sunny” a/n. Supposed to be a blurb but got a little carried away with this one, so have a drabble instead! Potential series? Who knows.

MATT MURDOCK doesn’t get embarrassed or sheepish; I mean, he’s Daredevil for Christ’s sake. He spends his night cosplaying as a red-horned vigilante that beats criminals up in the name of justice. And let’s not even begin to discuss the irony of how he’s an unflappable pro-bono lawyer by day.

So you can only imagine Foggy’s surprise when his decade-long friend, who’s never had an issue with women back in their college-days, seemed to fumble apropos of you.

( Fawning, almost. Ducked smiles and nervous laughter and the like. )

You— the cheerful, bright-eyed, tenderfoot secretary hired by Nelson, Murdock & Page— who managed to iron out the administrative wrinkles and logistical kinks of the entire office within the first week of you being hired. 

You, who went out of your way to categorise the boxes of legal documents by case type and date, organised stacked client files and contact lists by alphabetical order, and took the time to digitise every document in the office, because: now you guys don’t have to pull long hours in here. Use technology! Go home! Shoo!

( Foggy tells Matt, half-horrified and half-impressed once upon a time: “She’s like Donna from Suits but… sunnier—”

“Hm,” Matt smiles, completely distracted in favour of listening to you titter with a client through the wall. Sunshine? he tries, No— Sunny. Yeah. The nickname suits you.

“—I once saw her type up four subpoena requests while convincing a client over the phone from dropping our firm by scheduling an appointment with them on the dot. And just the other day she handed me my motion documents before I even got the chance to ask!”

“Right after she fixed the old fax machine, too,” Karen adds in passing, “And that was before the coffee was even done brewing.” )

You’re a ‘shot of espresso’ or a ‘bath of sunlight’ or whatever the poets like to call it.

But, still. You’re Sunny. You’re, a woman. And Matt Murdock can be a womaniser when he needs to be, except— it kinda just… haywires around you, sometimes. 

It usually heads that way whenever you breeze past him, and he catches the bergamot scent of your perfume, the tray of coffee orders in your hands— Even worse when he hears your cadent voice lilt across the room:

Idle chatter with clientele; Hum of some pop-song from the radio underneath your breath; or when you throw your head back in a burst of musical laughter:

Light and radiant and warm and—

“Can I see you?” he blurts.

In the 8pm moonlight filtering through the office blinds, pouring over evidence of a defense case with him, you’re wide-eyed in bewilderment as you blink owlishly at Matt Murdock. 

“I don’t know,” you smile, humorously, “Can you?”

He huffs out a laugh from where he’s feeling the brailled tags of the filing cabinets, slotting in a dossier. ( Another beloved story of Matt’s: learning that you had meticulously braille-labelled each drawer and document title for him the first few weeks you’d joined. Christ, how did the office ever survive without you? )

 “I, I mean your face,” he explains, tilting his head. “I don’t know how you look like, so…”

Not that it matters, he thinks candidly. “May I?”

He raises his palm ever so slightly.

You worry your lip. Matt Murdock is a fine man with finer qualities and the finest face of Hell’s Kitchen— you’re not sure your poor heart can handle having his hands roving over your face, especially when Karen’s almost caught you admiring them far too many times to count. Nevertheless:

“Sure. You’ll be sorely disappointed, though,” you shrug, rising from your seat to stretch as you move towards him. “Not the prettiest mug ‘round here.”

He wrinkles his nose. “Hm. Somehow I highly doubt that.”

Your heart rate is speeding up. Matt’s just glad you’re just as shy about this as he is. 

He twitches his finger and you quietly meet his hand halfway. 

The contact buzzes through him like a bolt. 

Here, he hears you whisper. Guiding. Patient. His fingers skate your cheeks— flushed warm from his settling compliment. 

Then he drifts: your ears and temples, the arch of your brows, the dip of your nose bridge. He thumbs across your lashes and down the divot of your lips, tracing its shape and picturing every curve and detail in his mind’s eye.

It’s intriguing to witness and experience all at once. You’re not sure if a blind man could admire— but there’s a softness to his touch and a lightness in his caress that might be it; nigh reverent.

It’s painfully intimate. 

He brushes a strand away. Rests his palm at your jawline and skirts the juncture of your neck.

You want to lean into his touch. He wants to lean into you.

The proximity is intoxicating.

“You’re beautiful.”

A barely-there murmur; drowned in sincere affection.

He can feel your cheeks dig into a timid smile, and he can’t help but dimple at you too. “Hi, Sunny,” he greets, playfully. “I’m Matt Murdock.”

The laugh that bubbles out of you makes his heart sing. 

You’re reaching for his wrist to steady yourself and ducking into his shoulder as you do, and he hopes to God you can’t hear the thunder of his heart against his ribs. 

“You’re not too shabby yourself, Mr. Murdock,” you titter, catching your lip. “But I’m sure you hear that all the time.”

“Oh, yeah,” he waves, making a dismissive face, “All the time.”

You laugh again. 

And good fucking God—

He wants to get drunk on the sound of it.

— send in a blurb request !

[general-cyno]

apparently it's the 15th anniversary of zoro's sacrifice in thriller bark (not sure if manga or anime though) so yknow. time for more zolu of course

one of the many things about zoro and luffy is that despite how their approach to certain situations might differ at times, they're still pretty similar at their core, sometimes to a comical degree (see: their definition of what a hero is back in fish man island arc). and this understanding of how the other works is what leads to moments like jaya,

this little one in water 7/enies lobby,

and follows consistently all the way to wano arc.

and I was thinking the other day about how their childhoods too kinda mirror or parallel each other's in a way that emphasizes (to me, at least) how special zoro's particular protectiveness toward luffy is, and why luffy relying on zoro that way is just as special.

the specifics of their childhood stories are different but both luffy and zoro have a turning point of sorts that's marked with the grief and loss of sabo and kuina, respectively, which leads them to say these:

(I cropped the panels, but luffy's also crying here)

it's important to note zoro and luffy had dreams/aspirations before this, to become the greatest swordsman and luffy's secret thing that we've yet to learn about (that ace, sabo and the crew now know). however, losing kuina and sabo is what prompts them to, on top of that, strive to become stronger for other people's sake. for zoro, it's his way to honor his friend and fulfill their shared dream. for luffy, it's to avoid losing the people he loves.

throughout the story, zoro and luffy end up expressing similar frustration and sentiments due to this. there's zoro innerly chiding himself for being too weak as he trains in the aftermath of arcs like little garden, alabasta and thriller bark, where the crew get stuck in situations in which zoro isn't able to help as he wishes he could (the wax cake, the sea prism stone cell, kuma). there's luffy swearing he won't lose a single member of his crew even if it kills him (the davy back fight) and reproaching himself for not being able to save any of the straw hats in sabaody, with the worst of it right after losing ace in marineford.

(and man do I have thoughts about bon turning into zoro, out of all the straw hats, back in impel down.)

anyway. as to why all of this is meaningful - when zoro agrees to join luffy, he mentions that his goal to become the greatest swordsman is all he has. yet as the straw hats go from journey to journey, and with a certain emphasis in luffy, you can see how zoro's view slowly shifts. he's now driving himself to become strong to protect them as well, to the point he's willing to set aside his ambition and offer his own head in exchange for luffy's, if it means he can ensure luffy's life and safety. that's huge. as mihawk inwardly points out, zoro has something, someone he values even more than his ambitions and pride. and it's through his adventures with luffy and the crew that he becomes closer to achieving that initial dream of his.

whenever people wonder why zoro's as loyal as he is to luffy, aside from all the reasons why luffy as a character has earned that loyalty through his actions, I also remember that one line koushiro said to zoro in a flashback: "the pinnacle of swordsmanship is the power to protect what one wishes to protect and cut what one wishes to cut. a blade that injures all that it touches isn't really a sword." while sure, it works in the context of later power ups like haki, imo it perfectly captures zoro's character growth too and what luffy's given him. the current zoro isn't lost or directionless with only one purpose in mind or to live for, bounty hunting as a means to survive. he has a home to return to, people to cherish, to protect and keep getting stronger for, people who nurture him in turn. kuina's death is something zoro couldn't have prevented, and losing people in accidents like those is something that could happen again, but still within the limits of what's preventable - zoro can protect his friends now.

as for luffy... zoro kinda steals the spotlight when it comes to grand gestures of loyalty/devotion and being the MC of the story means luffy fights for different people (both crew and non crew), carrying their wishes and hopes as if they were his own. he gets help and learns from others as well and all members of the crew are important for luffy to achieve his dream one way or the other, but the way he relies on zoro specifically is so subtly meaningful to me. we don't get as much insight on luffy's inner thoughts, still, we do have context.

for someone like luffy, who is at his innermost genuinely terrified of being alone and losing the people he loves, the fact that he trusts zoro to protect and keep everyone safe (even luffy himself) is so good. as shown above, luffy vowed to become strong in the first place to ensure he'd never go through loss like sabo's again and this vow is all the more renewed after ace's death. luffy has to be strong for everyone but... the fact that he can trust zoro to follow his lead even when others might not understand his reasons to do x or y, that he's so unwavering in his faith that zoro will protect the others when luffy can't, entrusting the people he cares about to zoro, whom luffy also cherishes - it's all pretty special. everyone in the crew has their strengths and zoro may not be the only fighter, but all of them, including sanji, fall under his protection whenever it's needed.

it's not only about raw strength though. zoro's also there to set luffy straight and remind him of what's important when the circumstances arise, like in water 7 or punk hazard. and even when they don't necessarily agree, like wrt vivi's situation after the reverie in marijoa, luffy knows when zoro's right and acquiesces (albeit grumbling a little) because, once again, he's also aware that zoro wouldn't just risk everyone's safety. luffy listens to him. and their reunion in wano too, luffy's sheer happiness at the sight of him again, is a very clear example of how much luffy adores zoro even beyond all that.

although luffy isn't aware of what happened in thriller bark (that we know of), zoro's actions are proof of why luffy trusts, has faith in, and relies on zoro as much as he does and why it's so important for luffy to have him by his side, considering how afraid he is of being unable to keep his loved ones safe. this is more on a speculative note, but I can imagine how comforting that must be for luffy - to not shoulder that on his own.

happy anniversary!

[batsplat]

It's a thing I already knew but all your beautiful analysis really made obvious (to me) how much of a grudge holder vale is. That man is never letting it go he's gonna hold his grudges into his grave

you know, I do think this is an interesting issue, because I'm not sure this is true of all his grudges. just sticking here with the grudges he accumulated in his capacity as a competitor, rather than just his general approach to life or whatever... how you judge this will kinda depend on how you feel about the 'reconciliation' he's experienced with some of his rivals - and whether you read the whole thing as sincere or not. now, personally I reckon he still dislikes biaggi, but also you are allowed to just dislike people so I'll give him a pass for that. some of the others, I'm a little more convinced by the whole reconciliation schtick

let's get valentino's take:

interesting that he mentions those three together, isn't it? and like, he's still not messaging biaggi or inviting him to his home - "even with max" kind of tells you all you need to know - but the other two? they said some proper nasty things to each other over the years!! I mean, the casey rivalry, there's some remarks from both sides where quite frankly I think I would struggle just a touch to get over it

I don't know, obviously this could all be pr stuff, but I kind of feel like... y'know, why bother? it's 2022, you're retired, who gives a fuck? sure it's a good look to be all magnanimous, sure it can be a bit of a way of twisting in the knife to the guys left in the cold, but also, who would care if you don't play nice? I think especially with jorge, you surely don't need to do all that, inviting him to your home and dancing with him... (which, again, some of the spats those two had...) and with the casey rivalry, if there's one guy who's still hung up about what happened between the pair of them, it's obviously casey (speaking of blokes who can hold a grudge). maybe this is giving valentino too much credit, but personally I buy it's more or less sincere. there's nothing to really indicate he's still particularly bothered by any of their past disagreements - he's basically going for the 'all's fair in love and motorcycle racing' approach. he knows he was an asshole, he accepts they were assholes too, whatever, that's how these things work. he's generally a fan of drama in rivalries, unsurprisingly, and he was happy enough to contribute his fair share - but he does see it as fundamentally being part of the game

to point out the obvious, check out who he's left out: sete and marc. that's where he can't let go of the grudges... because it's not about the offence itself as much as it is about the betrayal. this is the thing with valentino, right, it's about what kind of bond you had with him. if you weren't his friend in the first place and then piss him off as a rival then, y'know, whatever. obviously he's going to be vicious in trying to get back at you, but also he's really not going to waste his time feeling too aggrieved by it. I mean, think about how all the bullshit between him and casey dropped off sharply post-2012... from valentino's end anyway. think about how jorge and valentino pretty quickly got on again whenever they weren't fighting for supremacy within yamaha. they weren't friends in the first place, then they were enemies for competitive reasons for a while there, then it's over and valentino is basically happy enough to call it bygones

but... if it's a certain kind of bond you had with him and then you wrong him... that little mental list of all his past grievances, all your past transgressions, that's where it comes in. that's where he ices you out. denies you any emotional warmth. ensures that any interaction going forward is conducted entirely on his terms. where even any public 'reconciliation' won't truly be sincere.... or, certainly he's not going to forget what happened. if something else happens... it's like you've always got the potential of triggering this lingering resentment, in a way, where all that past stuff is still primed and ready to be called upon. he certainly doesn't just let it go

or, as he puts it in his autobiography:

Biaggi and I never talk to each other. I mean, we've never had a real conversation, anything that's lasted more than the requisite time to insult each other or put each other down, in the nastiest way possible. In any case, I don't hate him. It's true, we've never been friends, but hatred is something different, and that's too serious a word to describe our relationship. Far too serious. No, we have a reciprocal antipathy. No doubt this is a result of what we do for a living and the fact that we both want to win every single time. And perhaps it's also a function of the fact that we have very different personalities and very different ways of seeing things. Still, I don't think this means we hate each other, as some journalists have written. I think I could feel hatred for someone, but only for someone far worse than anything Biaggi has done. For example, if I were betrayed by a friend, then, yes, I could hate him. But Biaggi will never betray my friendship for the simple reason that we are not, and never have been, friends. Our relationship is very clear: we compete on the track - outside the track, each goes his own way. You could say we detest each other cordially.

... I mean. he said it, not me. and given this book was first published in '05... biaggi can't betray his friendship because they were never friends... I'm not saying he's thinking about sete, but it has to at least be a possibility, right? he's talking about one rivalry here and refusing to even mention the other... and the one he's refusing to mention is the one where he was friends with the other bloke. I don't know, maybe that's reading too much into it! and anyway, even if this passage wasn't really about sete, it's obviously still revealing. "detest each other cordially" is essentially what he was doing with casey and jorge (or from his point of view in any case, not entirely sure they'd agree with that). the grudge comes when he feels let down by you... and then, yes, he'll never let it go

of course, he's willing to set aside his grievances for a while if there's sufficient motivation for him to do so. in 2009, when he had so definitively won that rivalry with sete, why bother kicking up a fuss? in 2016, quite frankly it was just too much, and it was getting to the point where it was obviously hurting him too. on the one hand there was the media furore that had been going on non-stop since sepang, on the other hand it was also hurting his own approach to racing. there's reports from the time how visibly aggrieved he still was in the first few races of the season, and it took until they got back to europe for him to... y'know, have fun again. it's not sustainable to be walking around with a constant dark cloud over your head and broadcasting burning resentment towards your two main rivals. certainly not for someone like valentino - he needs to be having fun! the slight rapprochement needed to happen, in a way, because otherwise those years would have been even worse for everyone involved. but that doesn't actually translate to forgetting any of those grudges. this is about convenience more than anything else

goes to show, really... most of the time he doesn't take these things personally. I talked about it a bit in this post, how maybe it's also something that changed over time for him: the question of whether he was willing to develop these kinds of bonds in the first place with competitors... because he does possess a certain level of self-awareness in terms of what these kinds of rivalries are like and what they do to interpersonal relationships. ideally, you don't want to be hurt by a friend like that, right? better not to have that kind of emotional attachment with your competitors in the first place. how unfortunate it'd be if all those years after sete the circumstances aligned for him to see a competitor as something like a friend again... because, after all, those are the only people who could betray him. those are the only people where he thinks he could truly hate them

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

cough hack wheeze who wants a teeny tiny fantasy au snippet with uhhhh laughingstock Tension. it's like... half a scene! unedited & out of context As Is Tradition

~

“Nothin’ much. I think I’ll poke around nearby towns, shake down some travelers - see what falls into my paws.”

“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea, Barn,” Howdy says. He sweeps aggressively, spreading dirt more than gathering it into the usual neat piles. “Who knows if those ne'er-do-wells are still roaming around the woods - if you and Ed couldn’t take them, what makes you think you could alone? Or- or! What if you stumble across those cultists? I hate to think of you stuck in an ambush with no help coming, knowing fully well that-”

A large paw slips the broom out of his grip and sets it to the side, and Howdy stammers to a stop as Barnaby crowds him against the bar with a soft, “Howdy.”

Howdy swallows hard, bracketed on each side by strong blue arms. The look Barnaby fixes him with dries up his well of words and bristles his fuzz. Howdy’s heart hammers against his ribs. He can feel Barnaby’s body heat, and it’s lighting his blood on fire. 

“I’m not gonna be reckless, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Barnaby says. He barely needs to speak louder than a whisper for Howdy to hear him loud and clear. He smells like sweet smoke. “The other day was a one time deal, cross my heart. But, if it’ll make you feel better, I’ll take someone with me. I’m sure Jules is itchin’ to get outta town.”

“What would really make me feel better is if you stay,” Howdy blurts, just barely reining in the with me. He tenses, knowing that he’s toeing a dangerous line. One wrong word, and he’ll make the unspoken spoken - but the stress drains out of him as Barn’s eyes go soft. Perhaps that wouldn’t be so bad. Of course there’s no reason to worry, not about this, not with him. There never has been.

“You know I can’t do that,” Barnaby murmurs. “Not yet.”

Howdy doesn’t need to say that he knows. Not for the first time and with any luck, not for the last, it clicks in his mind that they’re on the same page - he doesn’t need to be a telepath to understand the thoughts behind Barnaby’s dark eyes. 

Barnaby says it anyway. “I gotta get him back. I can’t… there’s no room for anythin’ else right now.”

Howdy sighs through his nose and slumps against the counter digging into the small of his back. He nods and adjusts the lapels of Barnaby’s vest. His fingers ghost over soft blue, and Barnaby doesn’t flinch at the contact. If anything, he leans the barest millimeter into it. His gaze burns into Howdy’s, even if they aren’t meeting at the moment, but it isn’t a bad feeling. Quite the opposite, actually.

“Well,” Howdy says in a low voice, “if you find a good lead, send for the rest of us. I’ll be there as fast as my four legs can scamper.”

Barnaby smirks. “Even if you need to take a boat?”

“Even so, Barn.”

The smirk slides into something that isn’t a frown, but isn’t a smile. It’s too soft for a grimace, but too intense for simple recognition. Barnaby seems to sway forward, and Howdy is sorely tempted to meet him halfway.  

But Barnaby’s claw taps the counter, and he pulls away before anyone’s mind can be made up. Howdy’s hands slip from his lapels, brushing against fur as they fall and knuckles skimming over the smooth, fresh scar cutting across Barnaby’s belly. 

“I’ll be back before you know it,” Barnaby says, his eyes crinkling at the corners. He squeezes Howdy’s shoulder and then his back is turned, and he’s leaving. All Howdy can do is watch. 

And call out after him, “Your table will be open and waiting for you.”

Barnaby pauses in the doorway and looks over his shoulder at Howdy, and his grin is so full of affection that Howdy may just burst. 

“With a free pint?” he asks.

“Hey now, don’t push your luck pal.”

Barnaby bursts out laughing, and Howdy can hear it even after the door thuds closed.

[vilevexedvixen]

What species are the flowers in Fowler's fortress?

The flower with psychoactive pollen we see in episode 6 is probably entirely fictional, and not based on any specific plant. BUT Pondering over small, inconsequential details like this seems to have become my thing, so let's consider what it could be if it IS a real flower.

Based on its shape, the flower looks either like a waterlily or a lotus.

Fowler's indoor garden seems to be either directly above or otherwise near to the kitchen. Any water features such as fountains and ponds would need to be self-contained (to avoid leaking, or rotting the wooden beams between floors). Also, given how dimly lit the windowless garden is we can assume the flower blooms in the dark / nocturnally which actually narrows down which species of flower it could be considerably.

Now, originally I had assumed no waterlily or lotus is psychoactive so considered it might be a poppy instead, with the pink poppy looking the most similar to the flower in episode 6. The flowers we see are clearly growing singularly from the garden soil, rather than floating in water the way waterlilies and lotuses do. However, not only do these flower in full sun rather than nocturnally, it also turns out that there ARE psychoactive lotus flowers. Specifically Nelumbo nucifera or the blue lily flower and Nymphaea caerulea or the blue lotus, although these too bloom in the day and close up at night.

The broader taxonomy of Nymphaea nouchali / water lily has edible psychoactive roots (containing alkaloid aporphine).

It's pretty fitting for Fowler to cultivate a nocturnally blooming flower, given his crescent moon crest. Not sure if that crest is his or that of the Genghin clan, but he dons it all the same.

With all that being said, the psychoactive effects of the flower seem to stem (heh) from its pollen, not its petals as with Nelumbo nucifera. As it happens, there is a plant native to Japan which has psychoactive pollen containing "grayanotoxins" (named after Asa Gray from the 1800s. If Fowler talked about the plants it would be very anachronistic for him to use this term, so he probably wouldn't). These are a type of neurotoxin produced by the family Ericaceae (including the rhodedendron flower - not especially similar to Fowler's flower as they tend to grow in clusters with relatively smaller flower heads), with the different isoforms (structure variations) of the grayanotoxins each flower species produces varying the plant's toxicity. Whatever grayanotoxins are in Fowler's flowers' pollen act pretty quickly so are probably on the more potent end (so probably grayanotoxin III?)

"Mad honey" can be made from pollen contaminated with grayanotoxins, but the pollen itself is still psychoactive.

Overall, no specific existing flower species seems to perfectly fit Fowler's flowers. Lotus look the closest but don't grow in the conditions shown in the show and have psychoactive roots rather than the psychoactive pollen of rhodedendron flowers. If any BES fans are botanists or specialise in plants / environmental science / botany / related sciences, I'd love to hear what you know and think would be more appropriate candidates!

[muninnhuginn]

Writers tag game

Prompt: share some writing

Thanks for the tag, @miyamiwu!

So, I'll be honest, I don't actually have any WIPs I'm intending to do anything with, but I have some oldish abandoned stuff I managed to relocate. It's back from 2021 so in my Untamed era and this bit was specifically set during Fatal Journey*:

Nie Huaisang woke blearily, cold seeping into his clothes from the floor. It was dark and it took several seconds to remember where he was. He could hear the muffled sounds of clanging and voices. As he lifted his head off the ground, they slowly resolved themselves into the clash of swords and yelling. [...] He didn't know what to do. What would his brother do? Xichen-ge? San-ge? He had his flute with him– he could try Cleansing. This was what it was for, right? Before he could doubt himself further, he started playing, pouring all the qi he could muster into the tune. He'd practised for hours the night before, long after San-ge had left, but despite that, he hadn't truly thought then that he'd need to play so soon. Was that so naïve of him? As he watched, Da-ge began to slow in his movements and Nie Huaisang felt himself start to relax. He kept his lips to the flute, trying not to let his relief fool him into making mistakes. Still, he knew he only had to play a little longer and then they could all escape. Him, his brother, his cousin. They could flee far away from the darkness that haunted these halls. And then Nie Zonghui's head hit the floor. He stopped playing.

And then I had this other bit:

He'd messed up. He must have played a wrong note. Maybe he'd misremembered the entire thing? And now Nie Zonghui was dead and his brother - what looked like his brother - was stood, Baxia dripping blood to the floor. [...] The sword was pointed at him. He tried to hold himself steady as he looked down the blade. Tried to blink away the tears that kept escaping without his permission. He could tell he was failing, unable to stop the trembling, but he forced himself to meet the eyes at the other end of the sword. He couldn't die here. He refused to die here. After all, he was the only family his brother had left.

*(it was meant to be part of a short time travel fic where post-canon characters went back not long before NMJ died. It would've had flashbacks to Fatal Journey interspersed with the "present" up until the point at which future NHS tipped off past NHS about the poisoned music. I actually got as far as figuring out where I wanted all the characters to be at the end of it, but I ran out of motivation pretty quickly so there's only this WIP stuff and the intro part written in the end.)

Ahh not sure who to tag when it comes to writing stuff. I know @roseofcards90 and @floofiestboy write some stuff? And anyone else who sees this who writes, feel free to consider yourself tagged ^^

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

Ooh would love to hear your thoughts on Down Bad after hearing it live!

ok so I first want to caveat that I don't think this was necessarily the intention of the song. (But maybe wasn't not the intention lmao.) And it's not just like, the live of it all, I don't know. But I think seeing the performance of it in the middle of the set -- even though the set is clearly mainly about one story -- taken with the rest of it made me consider it in other ways.

(I know that made no sense 😂)

What I'm trying to say is: yes, I accept that it's mostly about the, er, microwave relationship. I 100% understand that intellectually and textually.

But listening to it in the show, absorbing it that way, it also made me realize how many parallels there are to the oven relationship, too. It's such a similar situation, just over a longer period of time.

Meeting Joe and following him into his world in London did pull her out of the life she'd been leading back in the US, and London became a respite from everything she'd been experiencing in NY/LA. (Like another planet, just for the two of them.) And through the life they built together she saw a whole new future for herself with plans on the horizon (the world was bigger than her/them), and seemed to have every indication that it was real, until the rug was pulled out from under her in some way (e.g. hoax, YLM, SLL). So the "fuck it if I can't have us" is also relevant, because that was the life they had been crafting at one point, and she's mad that it's gone up in smoke.

And even the "down bad crying at the gym" part kind of gave me a sad chuckle because it seemed like the death throes of the relationship were happening just as she was ramping up training for Eras.

So I guess my point is that while I objectively know that the song is about Matty and the love bombing and ghosting, it's another "all breakups are the same" situation because she did create this whole other world in her head for herself and Joe where she deluded herself into thinking they could work, only for him to figuratively leave her until she actually left him. Which is just the longer, and arguably more painful, way of how she deluded herself into believing Matty was the right escape hatch to the life she wanted.

Or, it may be a case where the song is more swirly than it's given credit for. And/or that the microwave happened because it was a copycat of the life she'd shared with the oven. (lol this is getting weird)

Idk, Down Bad just made me surprisingly reflective/emotional on the first night and I'm not sure why, except that like most songs on TTPD it's just SO sad if you think about it with any kind of depth.

[sueske]

Let's look at all the times Naruto and Sakura have 'chased' after Sasuke.

Part 1:

Sakura knows that Orochimaru is the one Sasuke will go to in order to seek out more power from. She had her doubts about whether everything would be okay or not after witnessing what Orochimaru's mark did to Sasuke and everything else that happened during and after the Chuunin exams, which is why she was on lookout the night that Sasuke left.

However during her confession she says that if Sasuke won't stay, she'll go with him. So actually she's 'fine' with Sasuke going to Orochimaru who is super dangerous, something she's witnessed first hand, as long as she can be by his side. Not once did she express concern over his safety while she was trying to get Sasuke to stay. It's about her feelings, how much she loves him, how revenge won't make Sasuke happy... or her happy. 

Meanwhile Naruto won't even entertain the thought of letting Sasuke go to Orochimaru, to such a dangerous place, highlighting the fact that Orochimaru is not someone who would be willing to give Sasuke power for free.

Part 2:

Sasuke and Orochimaru

So both of them want to save Sasuke and they're under time pressure because of Orochimaru's body transfer technique that they are fully aware about. So they chase after him. Even if they don't understand why Sasuke would go so far for vengeance, I don't think chasing after a loved one to prevent them from being taken over by a giant snake man is a bad thing. Even though both of them are obviously concerned for his safety, Naruto is the one who explicitly expresses concern over it, just like in VOTE1.

It's also here that Sasuke voices aloud the extent to which he would go to in order to defeat Itachi - he says he's fine with giving up his body, which we can see particularly weigh on Naruto's mind a lot afterwards.

Sasuke and Itachi

Naruto and Sakura find out Sasuke killed Orochimaru but that Sasuke is still set on killing Itachi. Again, they don't understand Sasuke's need for revenge here and still want to bring him back to Konoha (where it's safe). They couldn't reach him in time.

Kage Summit

It's when the Itachi/Danzo/Kage Summit goes down that things start to change drastically. Sasuke is marked as an international terrorist. There is a marked difference between Naruto's and Sakura's thought processes, and what they decide to do in regards to Sasuke.

So Sakura takes it upon herself to kill Sasuke for falling too deep into the 'darkness' because she loves him. The way she does it is bad, too. She tries to trick Sasuke into thinking she just wants to join him which he obviously sees right through, and then she tries to sneak up on him and stab him in the back (which she ultimately fails doing). Sakura was always kept at arm's length when understanding Sasuke, but chasing after Sasuke with the intent to kill him because she thinks he's too far gone in the 'darkness' is a bad thing. 

Naruto on the other hand is in disbelief with Sakura's decision of killing Sasuke, because he obviously loves Sasuke but would never fathom killing him. Naruto chases after them and thinks this: 

Naruto doesn't need confirmation about whether or not Obito was telling the truth about Itachi or not. Naruto says that he understands Sasuke's actions. In the end, Naruto's answer is to bear the burden of Sasuke's hatred and die together with him. And then after everything he says this:

It's not about chasing Sasuke anymore. It's about letting Sasuke come to him, on his own terms, whenever he's ready.

See the different conclusions Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi came to during the Kage Summit? The different actions they took after chasing him all this time?

VOTE2

So here Sakura is 'chasing' Sasuke to stop him leaving by saying she can't do anything for him. She can't see inside his heart (trade blows with him). She can only cry. But if there's a tiny part of him that cares for her he won't leave. Lol. 

She wants to go to the way things used to be because that serves her, not Sasuke, the latter of which very clearly wants a revolution. Lol. She's showing blatant disregard for Sasuke's wants once again, chasing after him with an empty promise of things going back to how they were. She should know by now things are forever changed and can't go back. Sasuke says it best:

He even puts in her in a genjutsu so she won't chase after him and get in their way.

Naruto chases after Sasuke because this is the promised fight between them from the Kage Summit. Just as Sasuke honoured Naruto's wishes, Naruto is honouring Sasuke's just like he said he would.

Post-VOTE2

Sakura asks Sasuke to stay because of his arm. This is strange to me for two reasons. Wouldn't have Tsunade asked Sasuke if he wanted one prior to starting the process or did she just assume he would? Or did Sasuke initially agree but all of a sudden make up his mind to promptly leave? 

Whatever the case, Sakura is trying to get him to stay a bit longer. Which would be fine from her part if it was just about the arm, but immediately after she asks to go with Sasuke! It's just like her first confession - If she can't get Sasuke to say, she asks to go with him. If it was truly just about the arm she wouldn't have asked Sasuke to go along, realising that Sasuke needed space. 

Compare that to:

Naruto didn't tell Sasuke to stay some more, or ask to join him. It's implied they had a conversation prior to Sasuke's departure, but Naruto clearly understands what Sasuke wants and needs. And they leave each other on a promise of finally settling things between them in the future, as opposed to a brotherly forehead poke that symbolises distance :)

Then in Gaiden we're informed by Karin that Sakura chased after Sasuke while he was traveling. 

So while Sakura and Naruto's motivations overlapped at one point, they branched off into different things. Naruto stopped chasing after Sasuke during the Kage Summit after he spent a lot of time rolling around in his bed and on the floor thinking about Sasuke and trying to understand him, going through his own character arc of revenge/forgiveness, and then ultimately waiting for Sasuke to come to him. In comparison Sakura chased after Sasuke to kill him. Even as a grown woman she chased after him. One is selfless, marked by an understanding and acceptance of Sasuke's wants and needs, meeting him half way and letting him do his own thing. The other? Selfish. Self-important. Constant pursual of someone that did not want to be be pursued. They are not the same. 

[aphblr-headcanons]

I am a little scared to post my Laurance analysis. I am too scared it goes against a lot of characterizations of Laurance that I commonly see. So I decided to talk about it here.

An overlooked trait of Laurance is how he refuses to let things that he sees as injustices slide.

He and Garroth constantly butt heads at first in MCD, not only about Aphmau. But things about Garroth too. Laurance often over-analyses Garroth. And calls him out on holding information back and so forth. And on what happened with Zenix. Meanwhile, Garroth spouts meaningless insults when Laurance confronts him about these things. Garroth is clearly not good at being confronted on the spot like that. 

And I’d like to talk about what I’d consider Laurance’s best scenes.

The one where he defends Isabell against her abuser, and the one where he defends Lucinda against her toxic ex Ivan. Laurance is very admirable in these scenes, unafraid to step in. For how often abuse is excused within MCD and Mystreet, Laurance calls it out twice. Which is, as I said, incredibly admirable.

Like someone mentioned before; when we see Laurance letting things slide, the narrative often ignores it too. Laurance is never the only person to let things slide. He doesn’t get as upset with Garroth after the betrayal as he should’ve been, but no one is. Everyone lets it slide. After Aphmau didn’t search for him, the narrative claims she did try her best. It was written that way for convenience, rather than a purposeful flaw. Even then Laurance is framed as less forgiving because he did blame Garroth for Aaron’s death when he let his anger slide. But that was overall a pretty bad scene nonetheless.

I would have preferred if Laurance took more time forgiving Garroth for this, and called him out on his behaviors. The betrayal hurt many people, and someone needs to hold Garroth accountable. Judging from Laurance’s other actions, it would make sense if it was him. 

One of Laurance’s main traits is how stubborn and headstrong he is. Throughout MCD season 2, Laurance continuously refuses to listen to others' advice. He doesn’t listen to Vincent or Vylad, instead deciding to deal with things his way. And when he realizes he does need advice, it’s too late. And the only person to turn to is Sasha.

He is also prone to grudge-holding, he doesn’t seem to forgive people quickly. We see this in how long he takes to warm up to Zane and Gene in Mystreet especially. And how he distrusts Sasha at first despite their history together in MCD. If I remember correctly, he took longer than Garroth to start liking Aaron too. 

Laurance cares about his friends, VERY deeply. But he is no doormat. He is no sheep, rather he is like a goat. Following on his own accord. 

His care is shown by how he shuts himself away later on in mcd season 2. When it’s getting more apparent his behaviour is hurting those around him. And eventually leaves just to avoid hurting them. 

Overall, I think Laurance acts more open then he actually is. And is far more cautious and private then he lets on. But he holds the people he holds dear very close. 

Maybe in Mystreet, his caution is because of the Shadowknights. And he takes so long to forgive people because of his experiences with them.

.

[striveattemptfail]

wfa #104

while i do love the prettiest jason to ever exist under the helmet.....

.........part of me kinda wishes he looked a bit fucked up bc it would be SO FUNNY if the kid cried even harder once he took the helmet off 😂😂

alternatively she could've been like

future state: dark detective (2021) #2

and snapped out of her fear bc jason was just that ugly LGMQOKDNLADLOOLLL 😂😂🤣🤣

on the one hand, L for jason (and for "good looking jason" fans)

on the other, i'd get a Good Laff LOLLL

[kemahz]

Warning spoilers

You know, I have recently been playing Undertale Yellow and can I just say the game is amazing! The storyline, the characters the gameplay, and the battles are amazing. My favorite character is Starlo. I'm sad there are not a lot of fics about him especially x readers (don't judge me) Because how can you not look at this adorable beautiful monster and not fall for him? He's a massive dork and I love him for it. And I love his character arc, all he wanted was for everybody to be happy, you know, not focus all on the negatives. But he took things way too far and made everyone uncomfortable and got so deep into his character that he forgot who he was and was so fascinating and sad just watching this, And I'm glad that he's not immediately forgiven and that he has the work to make it up to the others, I especially love it when he finally takes off his hat and he looks so adorable. Oh my God, maybe that's just me anyway. Though I don't have too many thoughts on Martlet I love her, she's a lovable dork and an amazing friend and she's so silly I love her. And Ceroba is just so fascinating as a character. It's so tragic to see her life going from happy and wonderful to just tragic, now trying so desperately to make her husband's plan come true. I'm a little confused about how she didn't get the memo, that her husband did not want her to try on her daughter, cause it's stated clearly on the tape that she should not do that, but that's just a small pet peeve of mine, that's just me, but anyways, I'm adopting clover. He's my son now and I just love him dearly and I just want him to be happy. I want all of them to be happy for fuck's sake, it's just I love this game. I love this story and the plot. The creators not only did an amazing job, but They poured so much love into this game and you could just tell by the details and the designs and everything. I'm so proud of them, and just please check it out. It's an amazing game, please go support the creators and ect, that's all I have to say bye

[oceanwithouthermoon]

yumehara and aiura once tried to make saiki watch gravity falls with them since theyve been watching a lot of cartoons together and its one of their favorites but he got too upset watching the main characters have a good sibling relationship and just told them he didnt like it

(if he watched a little further, it mightve been even worse.. watching dipper make constant sacrifices for mabel who isnt even being malicious or selfish on purpose and is just genuinely naive and doesnt realize dipper is hurting🧍🏻)